#but the issue was a lapse in communication not me wanting to eat food so i don't actually die
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Stars Above the Desert
The Engineer’s Adventures
1-1 • 1-2 • 2 • 3 • 4
For: @autumnleaves1991-blog Writer Wednesday. Thank you so much for these prompts, Autumn, because without them the Engineer wouldn’t exist.
Pairing: Captain Christopher Pike x F!Reader (no Y/N)
Warnings: fluff
WC: 1600 words
Tag list: @jusvibbbin
A/N: I didn’t think I had inspiration for today’s image and yet...
Alnath III is a desert planet, just on the borderline of Class L and Class M. The briefings you had read did go some way to explaining why the colonists had chosen this planet to settle: some were agriculturalists who wanted to develop drought resistant strains of crops; some were scientists who wanted a world they called ‘pristine’ for some biological experiments to do with the formation of life; and one or two were geologists who thought the planet might have resources they could exploit. Not the most obvious basis for a community but they seemed to be getting along, making it work.
The little town they have built is charming in its way; they have made an effort to make it feel like a home, with a little town square, and adobe-style buildings rather than prefabs. Still, you think, as you lie sweating in the sand under an empty water tank just outside town, powering down your phase compensator, you’d have chosen different a planet to colonise. One where the ground water wasn’t so deep you needed mechanical assistance just to get to it, or so laden with minerals and inorganic compounds that it was poisonous until purified.
At least this time it was Louvier rather than Chris who had ordered you to join the away mission, so Number One couldn’t complain.
“Try it again, Ensign Devrin,” you yell to your Tellarite colleague who is some twenty metres away at the control terminal for the well and purification plant you’re trying to fix.
“Aye, Lieutenant,” he shouts back. Everything is silent for a moment, then you hear the sound of water in the pipes below. But just as you’re about to get your hopes up there is an ugly metal grating sound and everything grinds to a halt.
“Sounds like the gears got stripped as well,” you mutter, entering your findings into a PADD.
You check the time. It’s more than half way through beta shift – 21:00 ship’s time but only 16:00 local time.
“Ensign, you might as well return to the ship. Take this to Louvier – he can add these to the fabrication list, though I’m guessing they won’t be ready until the end of gamma. We can get them installed tomorrow.” You stand and stretch, before handing the PADD to Devrin who has come closer to see what you’re working on.
“Aren’t you coming too?” Devrin looks at you, concern in his expression.
“Nah, there are still some things for me to do before the installation, and I want to check on the solar plant while we’re here – make sure all the batteries are nominal, that kind of thing. We don’t want to get called back next month for something else that’s gone wrong.”
“Well, if you’re sure...”
“I’m sure. Have a good evening, Devrin.” You smile at him as he calls for a beam out. You’ve sent the rest of your engineering team back to the ship because you want them fresh for tomorrow, and the things you have left to do don’t take more than one person.
You finish up installing new software to the water plant to accommodate the new components going in tomorrow, then take a walk over to the solar plant.
You’re glad you checked it – while the hardware is all okay – batteries all full at the end of the day, solar panels operating within tolerance – there’s a slight memory leak in the software. You’ve seen this issue on this type of controller before – it’s the kind of thing where it will be fine for ages then suddenly fail, plunging the colony into the dark and causing a lot of heartache. It’s an easy fix, but you make a note to suggest the colonists recruit an engineer on your report. You will not be volunteering.
It’s around 01:00 ship’s time when you finish everything, but only 20:00 local time. The colony is in the planet’s northern hemisphere, and it’s summer, so the sun is only just going down. Part of you considers returning to the ship, but really you had always planned to stay over. By the time you have some food, get back to your quarters, shower and lie down, it’ll be time to get up again. And much as you wouldn’t want to live here, it is nice to breathe fresh air for a while.
You call the bridge to let them know you’re staying. You’re not going to be the only one planetside overnight; almost the entire exobiology department beamed down, wanting to make the most of the Enterprise’s stay – it’s a change for them from endlessly cataloguing species on new planets and they don’t want to pass it up. The Ensigns at least are having a sleepover at one of the scientists’ houses, but you would rather not hear any more about drought resistant triticale variants. You had brought a sleeping bag, your own water and some protein bars.
You walk through the square, nodding to the couple of colonists who are about, and stop a bit away from the edge of town. You find a large flat rock to sit on, and eat a couple of protein bars as you watch the sun set peacefully below the horizon.
You drink some water, then set up your sleeping bag, hoping to get some rest. You’re usually okay at sleeping in uncomfortable places, but it’s cold. You force yourself to shut your eyes, and you keep your breathing slow and steady even as you shiver slightly. You go to pull your sleeping bag around you tighter, but as you do you feel a gentle weight settle over you. You frown and open your eyes.
“Chris?” You lean up on your elbows. “What are you doing here? You should be asleep.” You soften your chiding tone with a smile as he sits beside you, pulling the blanket he settled over you over himself as well.
“And miss the chance to spend time in the desert?” He presses a kiss to your temple and you move to sit up, leaning against him. “I’ve been looking for an excuse to beam down, and when I heard you were staying over I thought I’d come check on you. I thought you might be cold.”
“For somewhere that’s been so hot during the day the temperature sure does drop at night,” you say, enjoying the warmth of his body against yours. You unzip your sleeping bag to make it into a blanket for both of you. Chris helps, and with the two of you together with the sleeping bag and blanket over you, you feel yourself warming quickly. “But even so, it’s nice to have solid ground beneath me, and—not be running away from anything.” You look up at him sidelong.
He huffs a laugh. “Yeah, that’s a good feeling,” he says, slipping his arm around your shoulders. “Is this your first time in a desert at night?”
“First time in a desert at all. Well,” you pause to consider. “Technically second time, because we had a family holiday to Monument Valley when I was eighteen months old. I don’t remember it though.”
“You never visited when you were at the academy?” You hear the surprise in his voice.
“No – my survival training was in the Alps, and then the Amazon. And my friends and I would take a shuttle to Mars or New Berlin when we had time off.” You look around at the dunes, stretching into the distance to mountains on the horizon, then back to him. “How does this compare to the desert where you grew up?”
“Less alive,” he answers instantly. “There were lots of plants growing – grasses, mesquite. I miss the smell. And animals, too – I found a burrowing owl nest as a kid, once. And there were sheep, tortoises, jackrabbits...” his eyes go a little faraway as he remembers. “But there are some similarities.”
He tips you both back, gently, pulling the covers over you. You’re looking at him, so you don’t understand what he’s doing at first, but you follow his gaze upwards, and gasp.
Above you is the Milky Way, almost like a sparkling splash of paint across the sky. You have never seen so many stars; the constellations are unfamiliar but you almost feel like you’re looking down on them. Like you could reach out and touch a star. “I can’t believe the colours,” you say, as you try to take it all in.
He squeezes you a little and you rest your head against his shoulder, still looking up. “This is why I joined up, really. I would sneak out at night and lie there, looking at the stars. It took Admiral Marcus to help me see that command track was the right path, but...” he lapses into silence for a while.
“There’s something magical about seeing them like this, isn’t there? Even though we get to call space home.” You feel him nod, and you can’t resist anymore.
You turn, reaching out, touching his jaw and tilting his face toward you. You kiss him, gently at first, but he turns, pulling you flush against him as he nips at your lower lip. You open your mouth into the kiss and press your body against him, and for long moments it’s just the two of you and the stars wheeling overhead.
There will be plenty of time for you to worry about getting the well fixed, for him to worry about everything that goes into running a starship...
But for a short while you can let everything go.
#writer wednesday#Christopher Pike#Christopher Pike x Reader#Christopher Pike x You#Captain Pike#writings of the girl from outer space#fanfic#fanfiction#star trek discovery#star trek strange new worlds#The Engineer's Adventures
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A traveler's learning - A princess' wish
(AlMei fic)
Summary.- Alphonse Elric decides to start his own life and materialize his projects: traveling east and study alkahestry. He takes two friends in order to help them recover their original forms and, along the way, gets to know the seventeenth princess of Xing better. During Alphonse's learning process and while Mei takes on projects in support of her clan, they get to understand each other and their bond strengthens.
*This is the first thing I write about FMA since I got into the fandom recently. English is not my first language and I hadn't written any fiction in English, so please, if you see any mistakes, do not hesitate to let me know so I can correct them.*
First chapter length: 3,825 words
Total length: 13,780 words
Genre: Friendship / Family / Romance (at the very end)
Links to AO3 and Fanfiction
Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist
1
Determination
He had to reconsider his plans of departing soon to the East on the advice of his family and acquaintances: his brother and surrogate grandmother were worried about him exposing to such a strenuous journey through the desert. The chances of survival and successful completion for healthy people were already low, let alone for a boy whose body had suffered years of starvation and consequently severe health issues. The princess, his friend, despite showing excitement for his intended visit to her country and a willingness to work with him, stated that he would have to study the language beforehand, at least to a basic level. A vast majority of Xingese did not speak Amestrian at all, and traditional teachers were not patient nor gentle with foreigners.
There was no chance to see friends off. Due to the critical condition their bodies were in, all the brothers got was a brief and restricted visit by the far eastern group. An interchange of addresses—attempting to ignore the fact that they might not see nor contact each other again—, words of gratitude and encouragement, and that was it. The Elrics and the people who fought that day would spend a while under close medical care.
Alphonse’s process was, by far, the longest and most difficult of all. He learned when the Armstrongs, the Colonel, the Lieutenant, the chimeras, and everybody involved was discharged. Even his father, who, once healthy, showed intentions to stay with his sons. However, Hohenheim understood, from Edward’s attitude, that his continuous presence with them would not be wise nor comfortable.
It was Edward the one who never left Alphonse’s side. Even when he himself was severely injured, he insisted on being with his younger brother to make sure of his progress. It was not only his guilt of the failed transmutation and bringing his young body to that pitiful state, but also the uncertainty of his survival given that severe emaciation.
Bedridden, stuck to a liquid diet, barely able to turn over and subject to multiple injections a day, not only the youngest Elric was restrained in a body he and his brother had been searching for years. He was also prey to baffling nightmares, hallucinations, abrupt losses of consciousness, and difficulty in remembering things that happened during the journeys with his brother. During these lapses, Edward would sit on the edge of the bed and hold his hand in an attempt to make Alphonse feel safe and supported. Even being such a reckless youngster, the older brother knew when to cheer the younger one, and when it was best to stay quiet and hold him.
It was the memory of those endless months of convalescence that made Edward worry about his brother’s decision to go to the east as soon as possible. He understood his urge to travel and live as many experiences as he could, since the former state alchemist had already decided to study in the West. However, communications between Amestris and the East were still limited, and the connection projects were still drafts. Führer Grumman and the Crown Prince, on behalf of the Emperor of Xing due to his frail state, had just opened a trade route through Aerugo and the south sea. It was the beginning of a promise to a profitable exchange between Amestris and the eastern country.
Determined to prepare himself for his journey, Alphonse took into account Mei’s words and chose to start learning Xingese. In East City, the closest urban area to his hometown, he found little linguistic and instructional material that could help him. He didn’t feel like going all the way to Central, so he had some books delivered to the Rockbell house by some renowned bookstores.
Once the brothers felt ready, Alphonse would be the first one to depart. Deep down, he trusted his absence would give his older brother the space and courage to acknowledge his feelings and talk about them with the girl they grew up with.
~
―You sure you don’t wanna wait for an eastern railway line to be ready? I’ve heard it’s in the Führer’s agenda.―Pinako told him with a concerned tone.
Alphonse smiled reassuringly.
―We don’t know if that will start tomorrow, next month or next year. What if they start building it in ten years? I’m not going to wait that long.
―You just make sure to call home whenever you get the chance, okay?―his brother said, smiling―There’s got to be a phone in each station. So let us know about all of your layovers, huh?
―Ed, he’s going to spend too much money on phone calls.―Winry talked back and then immediately addressed to Alphonse―You just call us once a day so we get to know you’re okay. Don’t forget to write as soon as you get to Xing, understand?
The first announcement of the train to Aerugo echoed in the station.
Pinako wished him the best of luck and reminded him that he could get back home whenever he wanted to.
Winry took a package wrapped in cloth out of a basket and gave it to him.
―When you get hungry during the trip…
The boy gasped out of joy when he noticed the smell of apple pie.
―You didn’t have to! Thanks a bunch!
―I can’t believe you will cross the sea! I want you to tell me what is it like!
He smiled at her and nodded.
Then, his brother came closer to him.
―You just take care, okay? Don’t get in trouble.
―You’re not coming with me, so most likely I won’t get into bigger trouble than the ones you got me in.
Edward scoffed.
They bumped fists. Then, they bumped elbows and patted each other’s shoulder as Alphonse turned around to walk towards the platform.
The Rockbells and the older brother waved him goodbye when they spotted him in his seat. He waved back at them, smiling. Soon after the train started moving, Winry and Pinako got tired and lowered their arms. Edward, however, not only waved even harder, but ran along the platform so as not to lose sight of Alphonse, until the train outran him and went away.
~
He met with Jerso and Zampano at the South City station. From there, they headed together to the southernmost city of Amestris connected by train and took a tram to the checkpoint. The Amestrian police and soldiers checked their passports and jackets, acting somehow lenient after noticing the Elric surname in the documents. In the Aerugonian side, however, they got thoroughly searched and questioned. Their ID photos were constantly checked to confirm if they were the persons they claimed to be; they even had to take their shoes off and open their luggage. The process, which seemed endless for the young alchemist and former militaries, ended up with the confiscation of personal items such as straight razors, nail clippers, a lighter and a hip flask. Alphonse’s medication was almost confiscated, too, but he showed his prescription and bargained speaking a mixture of Amestrian and very broken Aerugonian.
The first train they took, in a noisy and narrow station, was full of people with work attires and uniforms; people carrying heavy packaged goods, cases full of documents, lunch boxes. Some of them avoided interaction by reading the newspaper; some others simply slept with the newspaper on their face to block the light. The boy, however tired, kept looking out the window, curious to find out if the countryside in Aerugo would look different from the countryside in which he grew up.
Hours later in the train, the former militaries couldn’t help but chuckle about Alphonse’s look. He fell asleep with his face leaning next to the window. His jaw was wide open, part of his hair was upright and entangled, and his left leg was extended to the front, almost in the personal space of his companions. Zampano tapped the tip of the boy’s foot with his own foot in a subtle attempt to wake him up when he noticed a middle-aged woman selling snacks, approaching. Not that the food or service were that good at the train, but he and his friend were hungry, and they supposed the young one would need something to eat.
―Hey… hey, Al…
A sharp move of the train made his head bump into the wall and woke him up.
―You okay, buddy? You want something?―Zampano asked him in an amused tone.
Alphonse yawned covering his mouth, unable to talk immediately, while Jerso took some money out of his pocket and bought snacks for the three of them.
―I can’t believe it’s already afternoon. Did we pass by any landmarks?―The boy asked.
―I woke up an hour ago.―Jerso answered, shrugging and chewing.
―I’ve been sleeping and waking up every now and then. Only sheep, cows and plantations out that window. You didn’t miss anything.
Alphonse smiled. Deep down, he disagreed with Zampano’s answer: he was in a whole new place for him and was willing to see the slightest detail of it, specially since he was just passing through that country and didn’t know if he would be there again.
At night, the train stopped in what seemed to be a textile town. Given the hour and their tiredness, all they did was look for an inn to have dinner and rest.
Alphonse went to an old phone, one of the only three that were near the front desk area. He took some coins and dialed long distance.
―Rockbell Automail.
―Granny, it’s me.
―Al, thank goodness. Where are you now?
The young Elric attempted to ask the name of the town with his limited language skills, but he didn’t understand the answer he got, no matter how many times the clerk repeated.
―I… I’m still north of Aerugo. I just had dinner. How’s my brother and Winry?
―He’s upstairs, reading.
―Hey!―A distant voice and quick steps were heard through the phone.
―Here he comes. Hold on.
―Yo! How’s everything going?
―It’s all right. I’ve been sitting all day long.
―You in Aerugo? Is it hot? You’re gonna get all tanned and all. Careful with the ladies.―Edward teased his brother, trying to conceal the fact that he already missed him.
―It’s humid, yeah.―The young one smiled―So, when are you going to talk to Winry?
―Uh…
Edward seemed to be about to give an explanation, but he remained silent. Alphonse was not surprised.
―Listen, I gotta go now. I need to sleep. We’re taking the next train first thing in the morning. Take care.
The next morning they woke up a little later than agreed and barely had time to get prepared. They ran to the station and, panting, abruptly stopped behind the platform line. Less than a minute later, the train doors opened. It was still dark, but the next train would depart three hours later, and Alphonse was not willing to delay his itinerary.
Luckily, there were very few people in that train given the hour and route. The train car they were in was practically empty; it was just the three of them, so the Amestrians were free to be at ease. After a light breakfast and a nap to recover the lost sleep, they played cards. The game finished gradually with the hours of the morning and they ended up chatting and laughing, telling stories and their plans on the East.
They spent the whole day crossing Aerugo and, as they headed south, Alphonse wrote in a travelogue details of what he saw. Not only did he enjoy rural and natural landscapes, but as the train went through big cities and the capital, he was delighted by the architecture, urban transportation, and the people’s disposition. Aerugonians seemed to be much more open and talkative than Amestrians: most houses decorated with flowering plants and painted in bright colors, unlike in his country.
After spending the night in a city 400 miles away from the coast and boarding a last train the next morning, the three Amestrians arrived in an important port where they had some time to spare before their ship’s departure. They had a taste of Aerugonian seafood and bought medicine and personal care items, since their razors were taken in the north border and they didn’t want to look unkempt on arrival in Xing.
Once on board the ship and upon leaving his stuff in the cabin, Alphonse rushed to the top deck and, amazed, walked to the railing and stood there. The wind in his hair and clothes, eyes narrowed by the daylight and mouth wide open, he stared delighted the vastness before him, sky and sea, which he thought of as two realms only separated by the line where the shades of blue diverged.
During the early afternoon, once in open sea, Zampano and Jerso chatted and enjoyed the sunlight while the boy, feet away from them, looked down the hull and noticed a large school of flying fish, fluttering. Alphonse leaned over the railing to take a better look of them and the deep waters he was navigating. Later on, in the distance, he spotted dolphins. Pelicans and seagulls flew above the ship and, following their path with his eyes, he turned around and looked back at the point from which it sailed, now vanished in the horizon. A tear crossed his cheekbone. That innocence and sense of wonder reminded his travel companions of their own children, moving them.
~
The Xingese harbor where they set foot in land for the first time in days was a bustle of vessels, rickshaws and loud talk that, in addition to their seasickness, left the three Amestrians dazed and indisposed to walk long distances. The midday light worsened their discomfort, and Alphonse had to call to mind his self-taught language lessons and look for a way to get to the train station. Needless to say that three considerably tall, unusual-looking, tired foreigners would be easy prey to cunning drivers.
They got on the cab that charged them the less among the other options presented to them as a swarm. Still, in front of the station, the driver charged them more than agreed, claiming the routes he had to take in order to get them fast and the weight of three big men and their suitcases. Alphonse’s shortness of vocabulary and Jerso and Zampano’s total ignorance of the language led to an unintelligible quarrel in overlapped Amestrian and Xingese. The altercation drew the attention of bystanders and ended up with the foreigners paying reluctantly the final demanded amount. Jerso was about to spit his chimeric saliva to the driver but was stopped by Alphonse.
~
The route to the capital of Xing took them through places that not only enthralled the already curious alchemist, but also delighted the grown men with him. The stunning look of lightning in the distance in the southern area near the desert, they had never seen that kind of thunderstorms. Numerous rice terraces extending in sequences that seemed infinite; rivers reflecting surrounding peaks covered in green; a thick emerald forest where the silence seemed sacred; hills that seemed painted with watercolors in various shades of yellow, red and green; plantation fields; busy towns. Bluish, gray mountains imposing as they approached the capital city.
Never in his life had the boy seen so many people concentrated in one place. When Alphonse and his travel companions arrived at the main station they were easily stepped on and bumped into by the passers-by, not without a curious peek. Not every day did they see people with those Amestrians’ physical traits and clothing. Besides, they looked unkempt, since they hadn’t had the chance to shave since their last morning in the Aerugonian ship.
The place was so big they got easily lost amid the swarm of people and the overwhelming amount of hallways, waiting areas and sigs they didn’t understand. They decided it would be better to go first to the restrooms, which were in an upper floor. The young one remembered reading once in his books that performing personal care activities in public, such as combing or shaving, was seen as very bad taste in Xing, so they went very quickly.
Once done, walking down the wide stairs along with many other users, Alphonse felt weak due to a drop in his blood pressure. The changes in altitude and the eating habits he had been leading during such a long trip affected his health, and he fainted. People near him stepped aside, most of them continuing on their way. Zampano and Jerso ran to their friend, turning him over to see if he was awake or injured.
—Al! Hey, Al!—Jerso shouted, gently slapping the boy’s face.
Alphonse’s head had hit the edge of a stair, causing him a laceration on his forehead and a black eye. Zampano held him and softly shook him.
—He’s passed out, go get help.—He told Jerso.
—They won’t understand a word, lemme just…
—Go get help! We don’t know if he still has any condition.
—I don’t know how to! I better go get water to splash his face and wash that blood.
Three security guards came running, alerted by one witness of Alphonse’s fall down the stairs. Their first impression was that of an innocent looking youngster waking up disoriented and bleeding, surrounded by two threatening-looking men with untidy stubble, one of then shaking him on the floor and patting his coat, the other one carrying his suitcase. Yelling, one of the guards asked something none of the Amestrians understood. He and the second guard proceeded to detain Jerso and Zampano, while the third guard helped Alphonse stand up and walk.
~
—Sir, are you here against your will?—The sheriff asked slowly and clear so that the young Amestrian could understand.—Were you kidnapped? Kidnap?
—Again, I was not abducted. I came here because I want.
His accent was strong, but he talked clear and was confident of his language use in that situation. Alphonse tried to explain time after time that he was in Xing willingly and that those two men were his friends, but none of the officers seemed to believe. The wound on his forehead had been washed and covered and he had been offered an ice pack for his eye. His companions were held in a cell.
The sheriff opened the boy’s passport. He frowned a little, glanced at the Amestrian, and skimmed the document again. That surname may have been distant news once, but he was not sure.
—Do you want to go back home? Call anyone?
—Yes. I want to call the Seventeenth Royal Princess of Xing, Mei.
The sheriff and the officers in the room looked at each other in incredulity. Some of them grinned and sneered. They talked mockingly among them at fast pace and the sheriff tried to impose order.
—Sonny, home? You don’t want to go home? Or do you need a lawyer?
Alphonse felt like the man was treating him like a stupid.
—Sir, I know my rights. I can resort to the help I need. And the help I choose is Her Highness, Princess Mei.
Silence in the room, skeptic faces.
—I met her, the Crown Prince Ling Yao and his bodyguards Lan Fan and the late Fu in Amestris. I’m Alphonse Elric, and I came here to study Alkahestry, science she masters.
One of the officers talked in a condescending tone and the sheriff mumbled, frustrated. He took the phone and dialed. Once he got an answer, he adopted a formal tone and, among the particulars, he mentioned the name Alphonse Elric, mispronouncing it. Minutes of silence. The conversation seemed to resume briefly, and the man hung up. His countenance seemed uncomfortable and wary. He had a secretary bring the Amestrian a cup of tea and offered him a forced smile. The officers in the room were in expectation. Minutes later, the sheriff called again.
—I am sorry for keeping you waiting, Mr. Elric.—The man in charge of the situation addressed the young Amestrian after hanging up—I contacted the relevant palace office and they talked to one of the Princess’ assistants. She will be here in about two hours. In the meantime, the nurse will take care of you.
Alphonse smiled and sighed with relief.
—What about my friends?
—That’s for the Princess to decide.
—They are hungry and tired by now.
The sheriff acted as if he hadn’t heard that and handed Alphonse his passport back, then called the nurse and asked her to take the young man with her.
~
The distant fuss in the building woke him up from his shallow slumber. The bed was narrow and hard, but he was so tired and unwell that he surrendered to the cherished rest by the nurse’s command. She saw him awake and made a gesture, indicating that he should get out of bed. The door was opened. The nurse bowed down and, with a glance, warned that he ought to do the same.
He saw her: a shining maiden, ravishing, small in build, taller than the last time they talked, her little panda on her shoulder. Dressed in a light blue cheongsam, her hair tied in two buns with braids, she seemed to personify the morning sky. The princess stared at him, first in disbelief; then, after asking him and the nurse to stop bowing and scrutinizing his face, she recognized him and gasped.
—Sir Alphonse!—She took four steps forward in a reflex of greeting him like in the old days, but remembered the presence of her palace assistants and the officers and stopped suddenly, bowing slightly—I mean, Mr. Elric! Are you all right?
—I am! Don’t worry, it was just a fall!
—I have to apologize for being so late. I was addressing issues when we received your call. After that, I had to get everything prepared for you and your friends. Where are they?
—Arrested, I’m afraid.
—Oh! Let’s hurry, then. I’ll explain later, but I wanted to make sure you’re well received and comfortable, specially after this unfortunate misunderstanding.
An officer released Zampano and Jerso. When they were greeted by Mei, the man forced them to a bow, and escorted them out when she headed to the exit.
—It feels weird. Such a tiny girl we met in Amestris, now a fancy princess.
—Yes, man, she’s royal family and all, remember?
The former militaries mumbled astonished once out of the police station, away from the group. Alphonse joined them then.
—Don’t be surprised. She’s in her country, she must follow a protocol. All we can do is adapt ourselves.
—Gentlemen!—The princess called them loudly, waving to draw their attention.
She invited them to get on the limousine with her. Once their luggage was in place and they got on the back seats, Mei asked the chauffeur to drive to the place where the Amestrians would stay.
#almei#alphonse elric#mei chang#fma fanfic#fma fanfiction#fullmetal alchemist brotherhood#my stuff#mine
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[fugonara] delinquent
rating: t
summary: HS!AU where Narancia asks, what are we? AO3 Link
[=]
Narancia liked fucking at Fugo’s house; Fugo’s bed was soft, his sheets always felt nice against his skin, and there was always food in the fridge to take after they finished. The lube Fugo had at his house was also better, unscented but didn’t leave a strange sticky residue afterwards. Narancia had concluded before they’d started sleeping with each other that teenagers were just always going to be crap at screwing and would only get better with age; but maybe there was a hint of truth to the thought that being rich solved a couple more problems. He watched Fugo pull a shirt over his head, while he was shamelessly still naked and curled up in Fugo’s bed. Fugo was younger, practically a baby with a year’s difference, so he still had some growing to do but his shoulders were already starting to settle into a broad, formidable frame. The expanse of back between them was something Narancia liked to run his hands over. “Hey,” he said. “What are we?”
“Friends,” Fugo said. “Wanna go get some food?”
They went to get food at a quick service place. Afterwards, Fugo walked Narancia to the bus stop. “I’ll call you,” Fugo said.
“So you’re really just interested in having sex with me, huh?” Narancia said.
“What?” Fugo frowned. “What are you talking about?” The two girls in uniforms, sensing an argument, shifted toward the other side of the bus shelter. “What’s this suddenly about?”
“I asked you earlier about what we are. You said we’re just friends. Friends don’t fuck each other, Fugo. Maybe you don’t have enough to know, but I’ve got a lot and we don’t go around sticking it in each other for fun.”
Fugo glanced at the girls, who were pointedly minding their own businesses. He was not getting out of a fight any time soon. “So, what are you mad about? You don’t want us to sleep together anymore?”
“No, I do. But I want to do other things too, like going out to eat and seeing shows and, I don’t know, just walk around together and…” He paused, noticing Fugo’s frown. “I mean, I know we do those things already, but...it’s not the same.” Unlike Fugo, and Giorno and Trish, who all went to an elite prep school and learned how to speak eloquently like politicians on television, Narancia could only say how he felt in the words he knew.
“Okay...then, you answer the question. What are we?”
“I don’t know! Obviously, or else I wouldn’t be asking you, would I?” Narancia threw his hands up. “And you say I’m the stupid one.”
“What’s wrong with not knowing? We’re doing the things you say you want to do, so I don’t see what the issue is.”
“No, you idiot, it’s not that I don’t know what we are…” Narancia’s frustration was manifesting itself into fidgeting as he started gesturing more, speaking with his hands. “I just...I don’t know...maybe I want to be in a relationship like Bruno and Trish.” The bus came, and the girls quickly clamoured on. Narancia made no movement to board. After letting off a man with a stack of magazines, who gave them one look and went on his way, the bus drove off. “Say something, asshole. I just said I want to be in a relationship with you.”
“I don’t have anything to say to that.”
Narancia’s swings were dampened somewhat by the fact that he still had a bag on his back, throwing off his center of gravity and balance, but Fugo still parried to keep from getting knocked around in the narrow bus shelter. They were now getting worried looks from people walking by and from across the street, so he pulled Narancia into a nearby parking lot where the cars around them and the people coming to and from them stopped Narancia from flying into a rage in public. “Mista was right. You really are a good-for-nothing trash baby. I am wasted on you. Have a nice life. Hope you die somewhere alone.”
“Whoa,” Trish said the next day. “You’re looking way darker and broodier than ever, Fugo. What happened? Purple Haze finally bite you on the dick?”
“Purple Haze would never bite me,” Fugo countered. “He doesn’t bite unless I tell him to.”
Trish exchanged a look with Giorno, who had the misfortune of being seated in front of Fugo and was now very used to hearing his seat neighbor’s gripes. “Uh, I don’t know if you’re selectively blind, but the last time we came over to study, your dog almost ripped my arm off and was about to go off on Giorno’s bag like it was a plucked chicken.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. He’s a little feral, but he’s not that bad. He doesn’t bite--” Fugo cut himself off.
“What? He doesn’t bite Narancia? Well, like owner like dog, as they say. You both have a soft spot for that boy.” Trish raised her eyebrows as Fugo glowered even harder. “Ooh, I see...you had a spat with Narancia.”
“That isn’t unusual,” Giorno offered. “I’d say it’s how you two actually communicate.”
“He told me he hopes I go die somewhere alone.”
“Oh! Fugo, please, spare us the gory, flirty details!”
“No,” Fugo said. “It was different this time.” Giorno and Trish were still looking at him blankly. For a second, Fugo felt like he understood, vaguely, what Narancia had meant now. “He was asking what we were--”
Trish’s jaw dropped. “You are full of surprises today! Why are you so upset, though? You’re coupled up!”
“Trish,” Giorno reminded, “Narancia told Fugo to die alone, remember?”
“Oh, yeah.” Trish, the keen and ever-so-observant, suddenly turned on Fugo with a look of pure disdain. “You told him you weren’t interested.” Now even Giorno was looking at him with apprehension; Giorno liked Mista, who liked Narancia, so by association, Giorno liked Narancia; it helped that Narancia was plucky and did not shy away even when Giorno fell into one of his navelgazing analysis modes.
“Well...no. I said we were friends--”
“Fugo, you absolute airhead! What kind of friend sleeps with their friend? There has to be some kind of attraction there, but even if we give you the benefit of the doubt that you could fool around with someone just for fun - Narancia’s been a starry-eyed idiot who actually listens to you talk for a while now and you, an irritable grump, give him the patience of a saint who lapses occasionally. Seriously?”
They continued the conversation at lunch. Trish, the daughter of a prominent pharmacist, had a neat, little spread of meat and cheeses. Giorno had a salad - “I like the texture. You can get a lot of different crunches by changing up the leaves and then there’s so many combinations of things to add to it that can change the flavor altogether.” - which was a lush green with pops of color here and there. “What’s your problem,” Trish began, apropos of nothing as she picked up the train of thought right where she had left it. “Are you really not interested in being in a committed relationship with Narancia at all?”
“We are committed right now.”
“Really? I mean, as it is...you could have sex with anyone else right now and it would be okay.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Okay, but Narancia could have sex with anyone else too.”
Fugo scoffed. “He isn’t. Who would want to get together with someone like him?”
Trish groaned, clearly giving up on the topic, but Giorno put down his fork. “Fugo, you said you’re a man of good taste. That’s what you believe, isn’t it? So if you have good taste, wouldn’t you think that someone else with good taste might want to approach Narancia, especially if he isn’t just seeing one person right now?”
The thought of someone else putting up with Narancia always thinking he was right, or tolerating when Narancia tried every excuse in the book to talk himself out of doing work or convince someone he was right when he was very much wrong - it seemed impossible for Fugo to imagine. Though, hadn’t he also been captivated by the way Narancia smiled like he had a secret he wanted to tell, and by the way he threw himself headlong into trouble if it was for the sake of someone he cared about? He’d kissed Narancia after months of pining and attempts at redirecting his attention elsewhere, but there were certainly people who did not spend hours psychoanalyzing themselves and might properly and successfully pursue someone without worrying about the consequences.
“I’m skipping fifth period,” Fugo said.
Narancia had a habit of skipping his double study halls, because unlike Mista who could entertain himself quietly and Bruno who would actually study, he was incapable of sitting still for long periods of time. Fugo found him two blocks away from the public high school, sitting out of the line of sight for the cashier inside the convenience store. He was reading a magazine about racing motorcycles and drinking a nicked carton of cafeteria orange juice. “What?” he said, without looking up.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brushed off what you wanted to talk about. I’m not seeing anyone else right now.”
Narancia closed the magazine. “Fugo, do you like me?”
“Yeah. I like you.”
“Why don’t you want to be in a relationship?”
“It’s not that I don’t...it’s a label with a lot of expectations. It’s not fair to the other person to just take it on without considering everything.” His parents were married, but he didn’t think they loved each other. His father’s parents were pressuring him and his mother wanted to escape her family’s business. Now that they’d come into money, it was more pronounced, holding gatherings for socialites and minding how they appeared in public. Gossip could ruin a whole foundation. “Not that I don’t think you’re not serious...but I don’t know. And I know we’re just kids, so it doesn’t matter. It’s not like we’re entering some kind of legal contract or anything, and…”
“Alright, alright. I get it.” Narancia stood up, brushing himself off. “Fine. We don’t need to put labels on us. I just never heard you say that you like me in particular. I didn’t know that you weren’t hooking up with anyone else.”
Fugo stared at him. “I never told you?”
“No. You’re good looking and you can take girls out to fancy places, so how was I supposed to know I wasn’t competing with all the rich girls at your school? I’m not going to ask Trish something embarrassing like that.” Narancia grinned smugly. “But it’s cool to know I’m liked, and I’m the only one you like. I should have known it was just you overthinking everything again. I bet when we first made out, you looked up how to do it first--”
“Narancia,” Fugo said, with all seriousness, “will you go out with me?”
The cashier came outside to break up the fight in the front parking lot, but before she could get the names of the high schoolers brawling, they ran off, leaving a half-empty carton of orange juice. She hadn’t thought that a student from the prep school, judging by the uniform, would cut class right in the middle of the day. Narancia had parked his bike nearby, pulling it out from behind the dumpsters. Before taking off, before Fugo would need to keep a death grip on Narancia’s shoulder to survive the ride of pure speed and shakiness, Narancia pressed a fast kiss to the corner of Fugo’s mouth. They weren’t going back for sixth period.
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Paper Skin Trivia/Headcanons
Well, here’s my (abbreviated) Paper Skin headcanon/trivia lists for the main characters. Let me know if you have any questions or want me to expand any more?
Lance
Cuban and Spanish, raised by his Mom and Grandma, came to US when he was 4.
06/21 ETA: Born a werewolf, as were his brothers and sister (werewolf bloodlines in this AU are Matrilineal and he's descended of only wolfmothers, more on that soooooon).
Refers to Cindy as Mama Garrett and Henry by his first name because he is still a little detached (was raised without his dad present in Cuba so it feels weird)
Loves to climb trees and go up high, instinctively longs to climb mountains.
Didn't do that great at school so he decided to put off college and wound up becoming a jack-of-all-trades and a self-taught chef.
Cooking helps him remember his mother, makes him feel closer to her.
Is a cat person, doesn't like dogs and especially hates coyotes and jackals instinctively. (Will try to maul a jackal on sight. Coyotes just get angry growls.)
LOVES cats of all kinds. Will befriend mountain lions during full moon much to their surprise, or break into a zoo and make nice with all the big cats if left unattended.
Okay so one time when he was a teenager he got into the Bronx Zoo and first tried to chill with the leopards/black panther in the jungle exhibit but it was closed, then he tried to go see the snow leopards & the tigers but couldn't get into their enclosures. Somehow figured out how to get to the Lions.
He mauled a rare deer and dragged it into the Lion enclosure to present to them and become an honorary member of the pride.
The Garretts and some other members of their pack had to break in and drag him away
The Lions were not happy that they lost their new pack member but got over it.
Whenever he visits the zoo as a guest you could SWEAR they recognize him and call out to him.
When he's a wolf he prefers deer or other hoofed mammals and second favorite is rodents. (Ends up eating birds just because of his natural tree-climbing instincts. Also he knows Hunk likes them so he brings him pigeons and quails.)
All time favorite thing he's eaten as a wolf was a Moose that he caught for Keith (will explain in a future chapter) with a very lost and confused Caribou as a runner up.
Least favorite is crow or birds of prey but he gets short-sighted when he's wolfy and sometimes just hunts for the thrill of it. He's taken down a red-tailed hawk and an Eagle owl.
Favorite music: Shakira (prefers her ¿Dónde Están Los Ladrones?-era stuff), Gorillaz, TV on the Radio, Robyn, Rihanna
Keith
Was brought into the Shirogane clan at around age 12/13.
Identifies as Asian-American since his Dad was part Korean but does not know where his mom came from. Assumes she was of a mixed background as well.
His dad was sired by Akira Kogane, who was of Chinese and Japanese descent so he wonders if that filters down with vampire progeny?
Speaks very little Japanese, enough to answer Shiro if he uses a well-known phrase but not enough to converse
Has a recurring nightmare where tree branches start growing out of his throat and choke him
Really wants a motorcycle but will settle for a car of his own. Doesn't want Shiro to buy it, he's saving his own money.
He's actually a very good driver and Shiro will let him drive his vehicles.
Studied outside of school with help from coven members that were teachers as also some help from Pidge and the Holts so he was able to get his GED at 19
Very glad he has Umbra for a pet because she is very good at helping him figure out the time of day based on her behavior and feeding habits (yes he forgets that his phone will tell him the time and weather conditions because he is so used to living completely indoors)
Has a bug-out room in the apartment he shares with Lance. It's much bigger than the closet corner and has room for some emergency supplies and he's put up some corkboards on the walls.
Prefers type O blood and tries to avoid AB because it's like OJ with pulp (there's too much extra antigens in it). Loves pork blood when it's Lance's recipe.
Favorite music: Dolly Parton, The Cure, MCR, Siouxsie & the Banshees and PJ Harvey
Hunk
Born a werewolf, mostly Grey wolf but there's some Asian/Japanese wolf ancestry
Full name is Tsuyoshi Garrett (born Tsuyoshi Seido but had it legally changed when Henry Garrett adopted him)
His mom is Cynthia Tsukiyama-Garrett, and birth father is Tsutomo "Tommy" Seido
He considers Henry Garrett his Dad, hence why he took his last name instead of going by Seido or changing it to Tsukiyama
Henry gave Hunk his nickname after his half-brothers teased him about being a "runt"
Was great at school and did some undergrad at Hunter, then left to go to culinary school.
He finished culinary school and worked at his Mom's bar while trying to figure out if he really wanted to work in a fancy restaurant that wouldn't give him time away for full moon stuff
First time he met Shay he choked on his own spit because his mouth went dry and he nearly passed out
Second time was a better impression, his little sisters both caught the flu and were in wolf-form and was finally able to be his sweet charming self because he was so focused on his sisters' well-being that he forgot to freak out that the pretty veterinarian was smiling at him.
Had a full blown panic attack when he cooked for Shay without knowing she was a vegetarian and inadvertently won her heart with how caring and concerned he was.
Is practicing making Kushari because Shay's family is Egyptian and he wants to impress them. He already makes fantastic hummus.
His preferred food as a wolf is any kind of fowl (sparrow, chicken, turkey, etc.) Secretly loves peacock, but resists the urge to break back into St. John the Divine's Cathedral to snarf one up.
Least favorite food as a wolf is any kind of seafood or fish. Loves them as a human but finds them too bony and briny when wolfed-out.
Favorite music: Matt and Kim, LCD Soundsystem, Beck, The Hold Steady, Broken Social Scene
Pidge
Irish-Italian, her parents are very lapsed Catholics
Currently in High School and will end up at Columbia after timeskip
Needs to study an animal before trying to shift. Often pictures or online video is enough but really does prefer to be up close and personal so she can nail any vocalizations that the audio distorts or doesn't quite catch.
Her dad has a mastery of most animal forms and also can do inanimate objects. Pidge will work on that next. It takes a lot of concentration and holding her breath
Keith is her favorite because he'll support her delinquency (he doesn't realize it) and she likes helping him figure societal conventions out. They talk or visit at least once a week if not more.
Pidge would make Keith do her homework as a way of home-schooling him (and it also reinforced whatever she was learning, meaning she'd ace every subject and test), it dropped off after Keith got his GED and started working. Schoolwork still is rather easy for her after so many years of teaching herself good study habits by tutoring Keith.
Shiro being ageless is a stable presence in her life, but she thinks of him as more of her brother's friend or like an eccentric uncle
(Pidge has many eccentric uncles and aunts due to her family being half fae descendants, and half metahumans)
Her favorite food is pancakes. Least favorite is eggplant.
Favorite music: Zoë Keating, Tricky, Portishead, Massive Attack, Modest Mouse
Allura
Was introduced to the underground supernatural community of NYC by her godfather, Coran.
Born and raised in London. Westbourne Gardens area.
Came to the US on student visa and goes to grad school for biochem. Phlebotomy is a way for her to make money and help out Shiro, as Coran's family has known of his for years
No, she doesn't know why Coran has that accent even though he's lived in Brooklyn for as long as she knows
Her pet "mice" are actually Degus. She likes carrying them around in her pockets or purse, they are very well-behaved.
She's never going to bring them NEAR Lance because she knows how much he loves eating fuzzy little rodents
Her favorite food is Candy Floss, least favorite is tomatoes.
Favorite music: Nina Simone, Lana Del Rey, anything Stevie Nicks has done, Ms. Dynamite and Kylie Minogue
Shiro
Names all his businesses after vampire things because he believes in hiding in plain sight (Shuten-dōji was the yokai/vampire that turned him)
Didn't return to his hometown after being turned into a vampire. Was too ashamed and scared he would hurt them. His neighbors and friends assumed he died in the Great Tenmei famine.
Despite his issues with aging, he's tried dying his hair but it looks awful so he just leaves the white streak
Was a very good horseback rider in his youth. Joined the military and was a skilled fighter.
It took a while for him to adjust to motor vehicles. He hit Hunk's grandmother with his car, (but that's how he found the Tsukiyama pack so it worked out and she was fine.)
First cat was named Bobō, a calico. Current cat is Kikō, a tabby.
Prefers type B blood but will settle for O or AB. Type A makes him sneeze after he eats.
Not really a music fan, prefers quiet. He really liked jazz when he first heard it so he sometimes puts on very old, worn-out LPs.
He answers to Takashi or Shiro. Shi-kun or Shi-chan to friends that use his honorifics, later Shiro-kun or Shiro-chan, when he took the nickname referring to the white streak in his hair.
He still has a bad habit of not responding if people address him by Shirogane alone.
(Because "Shirogane-san" was his twin's preferred name)
#em rambles#Paper Skin#paper skin lore#fic: paper skin#klance#vampire keith#werewolf lance#em answers#anonymous
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Tasha Dougé, Day 6 aka My BDAY!! Today I turn 40!!
May 26, 2021. It was the last Super Moon of the year, a Blood Moon, the Flower Moon and a lunar eclipse. This all happened before 8am EDT. What a way to start off my 40th birthday. 40 years on the this earth and I have much to be grateful for and I appreciate all my blessings, including this fellowship. Thank you God, Ancestors, Lwas and the Universe.
Now for those who have been following or are just joining me on this journey, I want to acknowledge the lapse in posts. Today is actually day 9 of my fellowship. For all the bloggers and vloggers out there, I tip my hat to you all in sheer awe. This is not easy to do consistently. I knew that, but now I really KNOW. I mean I am out here in these NYC streets and by the time I get back to the apt, the only thing I want to blog are the number of Zzz’s and snores coming out of me in the bed. Nonetheless, I committed to sharing my journey and I want to. So here we go.
It was a late start on the 26th and that was great because the BDay love was pouring in. Since I can’t celebrate in person, I created a BDAY BINGO game and my friends were game. The day/afternoon started with a good ole game of mini golf. I haven’t played since 2000. So I’m coming into this with tons of rust. PERIODT. I was told that I would have some company. Dhairya came to play with his cool shades in tow. He is a student at NYU studying computer engineering. My solution to any computer issue is Ctrl + Alt + Delete. If that doesn’t work, then I can’t help ya. That is the extent of my expertise. Now, I will direct all questions to Dhairya. Dhairya came to the states from India three months ago and it was a pleasure listening and learning about him. Now, he said he never played mini golf. However, that is not what the score card said. No need to focus on the numbers. What’s important is that he didn’t let me win because it was my birthday and that we really enjoyed our time playing. And if you have to know, yes he did win. As per my photos (taken by Dhairya), you can see that I had a hard conversation with my ball trying to sort out the lack of communication and teamwork. After his win, I introduce Dhairya to one of my favorite spots, NISH NUSH. It is a Mediterranean vegetarian spot that I last visited in Summer of 2019. It was perfect because he is vegetarian. He loved the food. My bday was off to a great spot. Next off to Sunset Park, Brooklyn.
If you haven’t been to Sunset Park, you need to go immediately. What a beautiful park. The view was gorgeous. I laid out and enjoyed my icee. One of the pigeons wanted to give me a gift. It showered me with some excrements. Apparently, that is supposed to be a sign of good luck. I will let you know later how true that is. Until then, I proceeded to use some hand sanitizer to remove the “gift.” My agenda for the day suggested some snacks. I decided to try the red bean puff pastry from Jade Bakery (corner of 63rd & 8th) and the rice cake skewers from 369 BBQ (corner of 61st & 8th). When I got to Jade’s and asked for the red bean pastry, they were exactly sure about what I was asking for. However, they were super sweet and friendly. They showed me something red and had beans, so I took it. Next to 369 BBQ. I almost missed it because I was looking for a brick and mortar. Good thing my peripheral vision is still working. I ordered one skewer to go. I walked to the train to head over to Greenwood Cemetery for the last event for the day.
While waiting for the train, I cracked open the foil and started eating the rice cake skewer. Wait for it... Hell the Freak Yes!!! It was the bomb! Ever order something and get mad that you only got one? Well that was what I was feeling. It was doughy goodness with a kick of spice. I am SOLD and I will be back for sure.
I made it to the cemetery with like 2 mins to spare. There was a line and we waited for them to let us in. I was the only Black person on the line, but I was going in to see what this was about. To be honest, I was trying to see if this event could be rescheduled. I mean a cemetery on my bday?! I googled it and they only do the event once a month. So as someone who is all about experiences and willingly accepted the nomination to be a part of this fellowship, I told myself to go for it. They let us in and off we went. You find out fairly quickly that the tour is self-guided. As I enter the cemetery and take it all in, I am filled with questions. Who came up with this idea? Was the person buried in the pyramid mausoleum African/Black? Why do people chose to occupy so much space even in death? As I witnessed the entertainment, I wondered who is the entertainment for? Were the deceased considered in those decisions? As part of the event, folks had the option to enter into certain mausoleums. For me, that led to more questions. How were the mausoleums selected? Did they ask the deceased permission? At one point, I asked if there were people actually in them and I was told yes. It is my bday and I don’t know the energy of the people deceased. Thanks, but I will pass on that one.
Oh yea. How could I almost forget? Literally about 5 minutes after I entered the cemetery with the group, the grey clouds with all their rolling thunder came right on through. Strong winds followed by stronger gusts of winds had the trees howling and the branches swaying frantically. Shortly after, the rain came. Pellets of water were hurled onto our bodies and my body for sure since I didn’t have an umbrella. For me, that was the good Lord and ancestors saying you came, you saw and now you gotta go. With that message, I got another message. This time it was for the event folks saying that the event was canceled due to the rain. My sister called with some happy birthday vibes and asked where I was. I told her I was in a cemetery and she was like “on your birthday?” I told her yea. I was not surprised by her shock, but I flipped it for her real good. Yes, it was my 40th birthday, but what would be a better reminder to live then to be among those who have passed.
I choose to live with every breath I have until my very last. This was a bomb birthday!!
Sidebar: I will return to Greenwood because Basquiat is buried there and there is also an African burial ground called the Freedom Lots.
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Peru: The Long Road to Fulfilling the Calling
Last year I was supposed to go to Peru at the end of October, but due to some serious health issues from a previous mission trip, I wasn’t able to go. The more time that lapsed the more time I felt discouraged that I would ever be able to go back to Peru....the place that I feel at home the most while away from home.
Like every trip to Peru that I have been on, it didn’t exactly go as planned, BUT at each trial that came my way God provided the solution. Here is the story of my trip.....enjoy!
October 25th, 2019: Travel Day (11am - 2am)
Like many trips to Peru that I have been on the travel was far from “normal”. I met some amazing people on my journey and some very sketchy people. On my trip down I was almost kicked off my initial flight to Atlanta to catch my flight to Peru. But God makes everything work out and I was able to stay on my flight and make my connection in Atlanta.
After grabbing some lunch I went to my gate for the long wait, and while I was there I saw a very sketchy person. I won’t get into all of the details about the encounter but I will say that if it wasn’t for the Lord's protection over me I wouldn’t be here typing this right now. I will heed this warning that my mom gave me before she left for work and before I went to the airport, “If it doesn’t feel right, it’s not right”.
Now the part I will share of this part of my trip is that if it wasn’t for the Lord's protection and me keeping my wits about me, two “lovely” gentlemen would have swept me up and who knows where I would be right now. My guess the Sex Trafficking industry.....but let me just say, the Lord will never bring you somewhere and abandon you. It took me almost 3 years to get back to Peru, where I am called to be and my trip wasn’t going to end by being sidetracked by the Devil’s schemes. The Devil is real and powerful BUT our Lord is so much more powerful.
After getting out of the airport I was taken to a very beautiful apartment to meet Elizabeth who I worked with the whole week and to of course get a few hours of sleep before starting the mission in full force
October 26th, 2019: Day at Oasis with the Children/Evening Prayer
We had an early wake-up call, but honestly, I didn’t mind. I woke up and I was so ready to start the day and to start this new journey I was on. Elizabeth and I got ready and left to go to the beautiful community of Oasis in Villa El Salvador (Lima). Until this trip I had never taken public transportation in a foreign country, or in America really due to where I live, so on this trip, I was exposed to so many amazing things. In order to get to Villa El Salvador from the apartment, I took public transportation or Uber each day. Once we got to Villa El Salvador our journey wasn’t over as we still had about a 10 - 20-minute journey which includes walking and riding in a Moto Taxi (basically a motorcycle and basically super awesome).
Once we finally arrived at Oasis was amazed by the community. The number of children that had come to learn about Christ, the adults who had also come to learn about Christ, or at the very least see their children learn about Christ. We played games with the children, they sang songs, they even had skits, and at the end goodie bags filled with food and candy were given to each child who was present........now let me just say that in the nearly 10 years of doing mission work, not much can really shock me into being speechless, but I was speechless. Not because of the conditions I was seeing and not because of the people I was meeting, but because I had waited, I had prayed, I had cried hours upon hours for this day that sometimes felt like would never happen. Yeah, I was tired, but I was in Peru. Yeah, I had no clue what was happening for most of the time I was there, but I was in Peru. I. Was. In. Peru.
That morning was the first time that it had really sunk in that I had...God had made it possible for me to go back to Peru.
Later that night Elizabeth took me to a small gathering where we worshipped. I will be honest, one of the reasons I love going out of the country.....one of the reasons that I love going to Peru is because I love how passionately the people worship God. Literally, He is their everything. They rely on Him completely to provide for them and to see their hearts laid out before the Lord. That night reminded me of the worship that I love, the worship that is necessary.
October 27th, 2019: Church
The next day we went to church and let me tell you I couldn’t have been more excited to get to church (I mean I’m always excited but even more so this day). In all of my trips to Peru, I was only able to worship once (1) in the country and that was on my very first trip. It was such an amazing experience I have longed to worship with the Peruvian people again. Pastor Marco wasn’t preaching this day and had a guest Pastor preach. Let me just say, when you are expecting the Lord to show up He does more than you can ever imagine. If you would like to hear the full sermon let me know and I can send it to you (hopefully). However! Specifically, the Lord touched my heart, and even more the misalignment that I have felt since my leg surgery was corrected. One of my legs has been just ever so slightly longer and I have told people about it and the preacher called it out and through the Lord corrected the issue.
After the service, we had lunch at the church and then we went back to Elizabeth’s house for a bit. We then went to a church called Shalom in Villa El Salvador and I had an amazing time. Check out the video here (sorry it wouldn’t let me embed it):
https://video.fric1-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t39.24130-2/10000000_1458982584255467_5046707043717602989_n.mp4?_nc_cat=110&efg=eyJ2ZW5jb2RlX3RhZyI6Im9lcF9oZCJ9&_nc_eui2=AeGrZFPRM2B3Bmk880cKoBAnstxlC2SF6WwtPtqRantdP5Pr_B1IKLo90O5nM156wdSKO9OISeQQeKfNztCT3yLgzPmV_JP-2rDdfJEG2Net6Q&_nc_ohc=ByxpNpzRHSYAQnSnZc1ttxiVcIeB0JDtJuPqo734aoTBwz4ZPoVKXRrCg&_nc_ht=video.fric1-1.fna&oh=ff290ec3e0a65a08523dcb1a4da63327&oe=5E998A1C
After the service, we went out to eat to celebrate a birthday and it was amazing! Have I ever told you guys how much I LOVE birthdays!?
October 28th, 2019: Visiting with the Women of Oasis/Evening Prayer
I got back home super late, BUT the next day was something I had been waiting for.....soemthing I wasn’t prepared for.....but had been waiting for for a long time. I met with a handful of ladies one on one with Elizabeth in their homes. I was able to pray with them, to share scripture, to share the burden that they lived with.
I listened to each of their life stories, their struggles, their desires, their pain, and their needs. Elizabeth and I spoke words of Life from scripture to each lady and discerned what our Lord wanted them to know. At each house...the Lord moved. At each house...my heart was wrecked more and more. At each house...I saw the pain of my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. At each house, I was able to share hope, peace, love, and strength. At each house, I was able to share in the pain that they are experiencing, the fear that they lived in. You were a part of making all of that possible because you supported my trip. Some of the families have both parents in the house, but most of the families only have a mother. This is because their husbands have either:
1) Left them to be with another woman
2) Been arrested and put in prison
3) Died due to various circumstances, however, most of the husbands have not died
I will forever be changed by these ladies and families.
October 29th, 2019: Ica Bound and learning about my Ministry Partners
Part of any trip is learning about the culture in which you are in. Learning about what the “locals” love and what makes the place you are in special. Elizabeth chose to show me the beautiful Oasis called Ica.
Ica is about 5 hours south of Lima by public transportation. Any words that I have to describe it doesn’t do justice, BUT I never imagined sledding down huge hills of sand and riding in a dune buggy, but I did it. Not only did I do it, but I saw one of the most beautiful sunsets I think I have ever seen.
However, this was the day that I started to get sick with a 103-degree fever. By the time we got back to Lima around midnight, I was completely exhausted and completely sick. I didn’t really acknowledge it until the next morning, but I wasn’t in the greatest of shape physically.
October 30th, 2019: Visiting with the Women of Oasis and shopping
I woke up on the 30th extremely sick, with a 103-degree fever and feeling like someone had run me over with an 18 wheeler. My first thought and prayer was God give me the strength to continue the work you sent me here to do. I need you to give me the strength to get through today.
This morning we went back to Oasis and met with the remaining women. We also spent the morning going from Pharmacy to pharmacy trying to purchase medicine for an expectant mother and for a very sick child. I enjoyed every moment being able to pray for healing and restoration as well as being able to be the hands and feet of Christ.
After we met with everyone Elizabeth and I went to the market to purchase necessary supplies for each of the lady’s crafts that would be on Thursday. We grabbed lunch and off to shopping we went. We purchased yards and yards of fabric, sewing supplies, scissors, and so many other things. One thing you should know about me is that I love the markets in Peru. Just a great experience.
By the end of the day, my fever kept coming back so I took lots of medicine throughout the day. I was in charge of teaching a craft on Thursday so I stayed up and learned the craft and then went to bed “early” to hopefully sleep off whatever it was that I had.
October 31st, 2019: Craft Day
I woke up and still had a fever BUT I was determined that God’s work in me wasn’t finished and would not be hindered by the sickness I had. Elizabeth and I went back to the market to pick up some things and then we met Adrianna and Minerva for lunch.
After lunch, we went to Oasis and I was able to teach the women how to make headbands to sell and make money for their families. This was such an amazing day filled with God’s love, mercy, and passion. The ladies were awesome to work with and I couldn’t have imagined being anywhere else.
After we taught the women crafts we went back to Pastor Marco's church to prepare for an activity with the children. Because I was sick me and Pastor Marco left to go to the doctor. The conversations I had with him were amazing and completely restored my heart. When you meet or talk with Pastor Marco you can truly feel God’s presence. We talked about everything and It felt like I hadn’t been gone as long as I had. After the doctor, Marco took me to the airport which for me was so bittersweet.
I think about Pastor Marco and his family often and I know that God is using them to further His kingdom. Pastor Marco spoke words into my life about my calling and my heart could not be any more at peace to be where I am at right now and to be starting the new path God has set before me.
November 1st: Travel Day
Once on my flight, I sat next to a guy close in my age that was a Mormon. He had been serving in Peru but due to some unforeseen things were heading back to the USA. We had many hours and hours of conversation about God until eventually, I fell asleep because my fever was coming back. Once we landed back in Atlanta we said our goodbyes.
I grabbed some lunch and went and waited for my flight where I met some amazing people. I met a pastor of a church in West Virginia, a couple traveling for vacation, and random people just traveling. We talked about God right there in the middle of the Airport at the gate. It was beautiful and very much God lead.
Once I boarded and Landed I met a guy on my plane who was heading back home to Lynchburg. He asked if I was a missionary and I said I was and we talked while we waited for my bags. To this day I’m not sure how he knew I was a missionary but he came from a family of missionaries and we shared stories, the airport is always slow for baggage claim, but God will always use those moments we allow Him to move in for His glory.
Now What?
I had this amazing experience what does this mean moving forward? This means we are going for it! My ultimate dream is to do mission work in Peru full-time and I know that right now I’m not able to do that, but that doesn’t mean I can’t start heading towards that goal.
Right now I am looking for opportunities (anywhere) to talk about my mission work and to try and gain support for future trips. Support not only financially but in people going on trips, prayer, and helping to connect the dots that I may be missing. If you feel like you or a group of people you work with would be interested in learning more about my work please let me know! I am willing to travel far and near to talk about what God is doing in Peru and my heart and mission for what He is doing there!
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When the Sun Comes Up (Trixya) Ch. 3 - Imogen
Katya’s laughing.
“Knowing I get to come back and make things I love with you is, honestly, the only reason I haven’t run off to live a quiet life in the country already.” He finishes.
“Oh Trixie.” Katya murmurs, laughter quickly cut off. “You break my heart.“
AN: Hi! Here’s chapter 3 of this old thing. On the runway this chapter I’m serving you communication issues meets tender moments with a pinch of the :/ face. The judges aren’t "living” for it as much as they are “giving me polite smiles” but I feel great.
From: Katya 6:09am
When do you come home? Asking for a friend
To: Katya 6:11am
I hate your friends. It’s today, but will you lie to them for me?
From: Katya 6:12am
Girl, you know I don’t actually have any.
To: Katya 6:12am
I told you to try wearing deodorant; I really think that’s the main problem.
To: Katya 6:12am
Are you in LA? Why are you awake?
From: Katya 6:13am
Just fucked a guy with a great ass…
From: Katya 6:13am
Reminded me of you xx
To: Katya 6:13am
OH MY GOD. BYE.
Trixie groans and locks his phone.
“What’s wrong?” Ben mumbles, nuzzling into Trixie’s back.
“Nothing. Katya being an idiot.” Trixie says. He turns over, watches for a flicker of something to cross his face. It doesn’t.
It’s a sign of how rough the tour’s been that he feels better than he has in weeks after five and a half hours of sleep. He reaches out and lightly brushes the hair from Ben’s forehead back. He doesn’t have shadows under his eyes and his cheeks are rosy from the cool air coming through the window he cracked last night. Trixie realizes he’s staring and he looks quickly away to one of the ugly paintings on the wall.
“Speaking of,” says Ben, “my friends all want to meet you.” He looks up at Trixie coyly.
He gasps, “I didn’t know they could afford my meet and greet?"
Ben groans and swiftly pulls the pillow from underneath his head, holds it over his face like he’s trying to suffocate himself.
Trixie laughs, shakes his shoulder.
"Please don’t. I can’t go down for another murder. I can’t go back to prison!” He pleads.
“You deserve to.” Ben’s muffled voice groans.
Trixie sighs and thinks for a moment. He props himself up on an elbow and pulls the pillow away. Ben watches him, blue eyes steady and soft.
“I’d love to meet them.” Trixie says. Ben grins, brings his hand to rest on the back of Trixie’s neck and brushes their lips together, once, twice, before deepening the kiss and making Trixie’s skin tingle.
“I don’t want to get out of bed.” Trixie whispers between kisses.
“Miss your flight.” Ben murmurs conspiratorially, brushes the pad of his thumb along Trixie’s jaw.
“Okay.” He says, even as he’s pulling away.
The hotel room is mostly dark. Dull light outlines the heavy curtains. Trixie makes his way around the room, picking his things off the floor, off the backs of chairs, ready to repack. The motions are familiar. He can feel Ben watching him.
“You were so good last night.” He says.
“A good last show. I’m glad you could come."
"They loved you."
"Don’t get my head too big.” Trixie hides a smile, deft hands packing his drag from the night before into the full suitcase.
“I can’t make any promises.” Ben says.
Twenty minutes later, showered and almost out the door with his bags, Trixie stops.
“Ben?"
"Yeah?” He says, head turned from where it rested on a pillow.
“This is nice.” It’s not a question, exactly, though he’s aware of how his voice goes up at the end. Always a hint of unsure.
“Yes,” Ben smiles, “This is nice."
Trixie nods. Falters for a moment before nodding again and easing the door closed.
-
"Early flight?” The driver asks in a thick accent as Trixie slides into the back seat, his suitcase in the boot.
“Unfortunately.” Trixie smiles politely.
“Where you headed?"
"LA.” Trixie says.
“Not one of those.” The driver groans.
“Unfortunately one of those.” He says, trying not to roll his eyes. New Yorkers.
“What’s so good about-” The driver starts. He’s cut off by Trixie’s phone vibrating with a call. He smiles apologetically to the rear view as he answers it. The driver waves a dismissive hand and looks back to the road.
“Still awake?” Trixie smirks.
“I never said I had my life together.” Katya says. His voice is all graveled and hollow. Trixie frowns. Waits a moment. All he can hear is Katya’s familiar, light, irregular breathing. He always sounds like that. Sometimes Trixie wonder’s if his lungs forget their motions, if they’re distracted by other things.
“Are things okay? It’s late, Katya.” He asks eventually, breaking the silence. It’s 4-something-am in Katya’s apartment. There’s a photo of them together on the bedside table, framed in garish, glittery pink. There’s a small stack of paperbacks there, too. Trixie's pulling at the skin around his fingernails, his Mom always berated him for that habit.
“Oh, you know.” Katya says. “A general sense of anxiety and mild sleep disorder never stops me. Except when it does."
Trixie laughs. Katya laughs too, which is good.
"How’s the boy?” Katya asks.
“He’s really… sweet. He might be a serial killer. There’s got to be something.” Trixie says, small smile playing at his lips.
“Scientologist? Really into pet rats? Only eats yellow foods? Enjoys spending time with his happy family?"
"That last one is truly frightening."
Katya huffs out a laugh.
"He came to New York for you, though? That seems…” Katya lets out a slow breath, “serious?"
"No, no.” Trixie says, urgently. “He has a few weeks on a writing job here."
"Ah."
There’s a shuffle as Katya adjust the phone. He must be tired. The soft skin under his eyes must be purpled. Trixie swallows.
"I’m not saying I don’t like touring-"
"You don’t.” Katya interrupts.
“You are so- Okay. Okay. I’m not saying I hate touring. Happy?" Trixie grumbles.
Katya’s laughing.
"Knowing I get to come back and make things I love with you is, honestly, the only reason I haven’t run off to live a quiet life in the country already.” He finishes.
“Oh Trixie.” Katya murmurs, laughter quickly cut off. “You break my heart."
Katya’s sheets rustle and Trixie has a sudden, aching, longing to be there.
"I’m thinking we do college, conspiracy theories and arts and crafts.” He says, clearing his throat.
“I would also like to discuss aged care facilities and street harassment.” He can hear the smile in Katya’s voice. Almost feels the way his cheeks lift the phone.
They keep talking the rest of the way to the airport; the quiet stretches between words lengthening out as Katya starts to drift off.
When the driver has passed Trixie his suitcase and driven off, he stands for a moment on the pavement outside the terminal, phone pressed close to his ear. He feels, for a moment, like he’s in a time lapse. Everything around him is going in quick, jagged movements while he is still.
“See you tomorrow.” He whispers.
“Mm-hmm.” Katya hums.
He waits a few seconds. Listens to the quiet before he hangs up and heads to check his bag. He pays no attention to the nervous fluttering in the pit of his stomach.
-
Kim comes over that night, arms full of Indian takeout and bags from the fabric shop.
They get a little drunk and eat too much and Kim sews while Trixie works his way around his apartment cleaning dust off everything and half watching House Hunters.
“Imagine telling us when we first met that we’d end up here.” Trixie says wistfully, tipsily, lifting the TV remote off the coffee table to wipe it over.
“What I wouldn’t give to tell you how you’d be eliminated twice from drag race. To see your face crumple with disappointment.” Kim says, readjusting the fabric and not even looking up.
“Shut up. I’m having a moment, Kimberly."
"Okay. Get it over with, then."
"We’re in LA, we do what we love every day and people actually care about it. We used to spend more money getting dinner after gigs than we made performing." He says.
"Actually I think I still spend more money on dinner.” Kim laughs. Trixie picks up a scrap of fabric and tries to throw it but it just kind of floats back to the floor in front of him.
He sighs, rocks back onto the couch and sips his beer. The sewing machine resumes it’s humming and he pulls out his phone, checking his messages.
From: Shea 10:46pm
Look at her fucking wig
Attached is a picture of Pearl with a fan. They’re up against a brick wall, probably outside a club. The middle part on Pearl’s wig sits dangerously to the left. Trixie snorts.
To: Shea 11:04pm
🐍🐍 Ssssssshea
He goes back to his messages, scrolls down.
From: Ben 10:14pm
Hope you’re having a good night. Miss your face x
Trixie smiles and sends back a heart. It’s sappy and gross but god he loves this stuff.
“Don’t remind me I said this when he breaks my heart later, but things might actually work out with Ben.” He says.
Kim laughs.
“You never know. He has lasted one tour. That’s better than Gabe, right?"
Gabe had lasted almost two. He actually hadn’t had a problem with the distance, compared with other things. Trixie doesn’t correct him.
"Yeah. Want another drink?” Kim makes an affirmative sound, frowns at the hem he’s sewing, distracted. Trixie stands and pads to the kitchen. He pops off the caps to two more beers and leans back on the bench for a moment, looking around the room for anything he’s missed cleaning.
There are a few smudges on the window, and the blinds could probably do with a dusting. His eyes fall on Katya’s painting where it hangs on the wall.
-
“If you were lying about liking it please don’t tell me.”
Katya watches him unwrapping it, leaning against the counter and worrying his bottom lip between his index finger and thumb.
“I can’t believe you remembered.” Trixie breathes, eyes pouring over the painting, the thick brush strokes layered coarsely to create the figure. He might cry. He definitely shouldn’t cry. It’s the best thing he’s ever been given.
“It was- uh, quite a night. Kind of hard to forget, actually.” Katya laughs.
Trixie freezes. His face is quickly flushing red, he can feel it happening and he can’t do anything to stop it. He looks up at Katya, slowly. The wrapping paper falls to the floor, ignored.
Light streams through the kitchen window and bathes him golden and he’s looking at Trixie with a plain, open focus. He’d laughed, but after a moment of eye contact his expression is almost scared. Trixie exhales, shakily, and carefully places the painting on the bench top.
He’s being impulsive and he takes a step forward and Katya’s eyes flick down to his lips. Trixie reaches up and cups his face, the stubble tickling at his fingers.
He kisses him in the daylight.
Katya pulls away first. He breathes out something Trixie can’t quite catch, less than a whisper and warm against his mouth. He jerks his head a little and Trixie’s eyes flutter open. He drops his hand, fingers flexing.
“It was the first time you came over, wasn’t it? Can’t forget that.” Katya says, clearing his throat. Trixie stares as he pulls back and turns to get a glass from the cupboard. Trixie steps away, watches him fill it with water. He feels sick.
Later, it occurs to him, what Katya had said.
“I’m sorry.”
-
He walks back to the living room, passes Kim the beer and flops down onto the couch.
“God. Did they really just choose house two?” He groans.
-
I’m the two years of your childhood when you had stress nosebleeds
I’m that lipstick on your teeth that means you’re not getting laid tonight
I’m the hotel OJ Simpson robbed
I’m here with some upsetting news but I’m going to say it in a sexy, sexy voice
“And don’t forget to subscribe…"
”…To WOW presents!“ Katya trills. She grins across at Trixie as she pulls up the bottom of her dress to dab the shine from her forehead, fully exposing her crotch.
"I should be present-ed with an award for putting up with you.” Trixie says.
“Chris, can we organize that?” Katya looks around the room, earnest expression on her face. Trixie watches her out of the corner of her eye, smiling, waiting for it to register.
Katya let’s out a shriek and reaches out to whack Trixie on the arm.
Trixie grabs hold of Katya’s hands in midair and pulls them in to wrap around her throat. Katya’s eyes go cartoon-wide and she sucks a breath in through her teeth.
“Organize killing me right now." Trixie deadpans, trying to contain a smirk.
Not missing a beat, Katya dips in and kisses her quickly on the cheek, her fingers lightly cupped around Trixie’s neck.
"Oh my god.” Trixie groans, face burning.
“We’re good. Wrapped.” Someone calls out from behind the camera. Trixie gingerly pats at her cheek, transferring a red stain onto her fingers. She frowns at it.
“Before you start,” Katya is saying, picking her props off the ground, “you’re about to take off your makeup."
Trixie rolls her eyes as she stands up and stretches.
"So, the lipstick is a non-issue.” She continues. Someone shuts the studio lights off.
“More importantly,” Trixie’s trying not to laugh as she picks up the makeup bag she keeps with her on set.
“I wanted to do it, and I’m not going to apologize for being real.” Katya finishes, white girl voice in full force and dumb grin on her face.
Trixie chats animatedly about the last few nights of tour in their usual cluttered and off-yellow dressing room as they take off their makeup. The sun is low in the sky and an orange glow bathes the room. Katya finishes before she does and sits curled in a worn leather armchair that probably used to be in someone’s corner office. He looks more angular than usual, Trixie realizes. Elbows all jutting out and hollow cheeks.
“What?” Katya asks, weird half smile on his face.
Trixie shakes his head. He’s got to work on not staring. He pulls a sweater over his head.
“Nothing. Shall we?” Trixie asks. His bag sits, zipped up and full to the brim, on the floor by the doorway. He grabs his wallet and phone from the front compartment and looks back at Katya.
Hesitation flickers over his face and Trixie pauses, raises an eyebrow.
“I, uh, I thought I mentioned it but I told Willam I’d film something with her tonight."
"Out of drag?” Trixie frowns.
“Yeah. I don’t really know the details.” Katya says, looking at his phone.
“Oh. Well-"
"Sorry. I know we usually… got to ride those coattails though. Carpe the business opportunities, or whatever.” Katya trails off.
“Yeah. Of course.” Trixie says.
He stands there stupidly for a moment but Katya’s still looking at his phone.
“Okay. I’ll see you in a few days?” He asks, picking up his bag and slinging it over his shoulder.
“Yeah, girl. Of course."
Trixie waits for him to get up and say goodbye but he doesn’t. It’s okay.
-
As much as he complains about his apartment (too small, too expensive, too sparsely furnished) it has great acoustics.
Trixie sits on the floor and plucks at the strings of his guitar and the ringing echo is lovely. It makes the notes swell and crash like waves and fills the space with sound. He hums along, trying to work out the timing and plucking pattern. When it’s starting to sound right he stops, takes a sip of whiskey and pulls up his phone to get the lyrics.
Looking quickly through his notifications he sees one from Instagram. Willam posting to his story for the first time in a while. He grins as he swipes on it.
Willam's face appears, chewing gum and talking loud over the background noise. A bar, maybe.
"Houston, what the fuck? Apparently there are still some tickets available for tonight. Get them right now. I’m a big fucking deal. South Beach. You know where it is.” Then there’s the muffled sound of her fingers fumbling with ending the video for a second, and it’s gone. Someone else's story starts, the view from a plane window. Trixie swipes it away.
Something in him has sunk and he takes a deep sip from the glass, grimacing. He drains it and stands on unsure feet, grabbing his phone. Trixie stands in his living room with fingers hovering on the call icon and a lump in his throat. He shouldn’t call Katya. He shouldn’t. Instead he refills his glass and calls Kim.
“Heyyyy! It’s Tiffany!” Kim slurs. There’s a trace of thumping from somewhere in the background, blended with indistinct chatter.
“Hey. Hi.” Trixie sits down again, pushing his guitar out of the way.
“What’s up?” Kim chirps.
“Can I talk to you? For a second?"
Kim calls out to someone, "Be back in a moment! No! I’ll just be outside!"
Trixie waits. He curls his knees up under his chin, tracks Kim’s way out the door of whatever club he’s in from the way the noise ebbs.
"Okay, I’m outside. What’s going on?"
"This is stupid. Sorry. I just realized it’s stupid. You’re having fun and I-"
"Trixie, what the hell is going on?” Kim cuts him off. He actually sounds concerned and Trixie almost laughs.
He takes a sip of whiskey and takes a deep breath in.
“I think Katya, um, lied to me today. Like, to avoid me. I don’t know.” It's embarrassing, saying it out loud. He’s grateful that Kim isn’t sober.
He thinks he hears a sigh.
“I don’t think she’d do that, Trixie. I don’t want to inflate your ego but she’s, uh, obsessed with you. It’s gross, actually."
His fingers run over a spot where the floorboard is scratched and he picks at it a little, pricking the skin under his nail. He swears under his breath.
"No. It definitely happened.” He swallows, “I don’t know what I did."
Someone beeps on the street outside his apartment. It doesn’t quite cover the quake in his voice.
"I’m talking to Trixie!” Kim shouts into his ear.
“What?” He frowns.
“She’s having a crisis with her man. Leave me alone!" Trixie can hear Kim and someone else laughing, the phone being fumbled.
"Hey, Trixie? The conversation inside has, it seems, died without me.” Kim says.
“Go work your verbal magic, then."
"Sorry. Hey. Just ask her about it. Communication is, as Dr. Phil says, important."
A heavy door is pulled open, then there's a scuffling sound and his phone beeps twice, the call ended.
He leans back against the wall and looks at the ceiling with a shaky exhale. He tries to remind himself about perspective but perspective is a hard concept when you’re six-ish shots of whiskeys in and things were going well a few minutes ago. Weren’t they?
He jumps at the hard vibration of his phone against the wooden floor, fumbles for it quickly. He blinks at the name on the screen. Ben. He only hesitates a second before hitting the red button. When Ben calls again he does the same. And when he hits call on Katya’s number, forty minutes later, the ringing sounding like self-sabotage, he doesn’t hang up.
#trixya#imogen#when the sun comes up#trixie mattel#katya zamolodchikova#rpdr fanfiction#submission#canon compliant
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Meet our 2017 Summer Interns!
We broke a record this year when we hired 21 amazingly talented and incredibly passionate interns to work alongside our team for the summer. We feel so lucky to have found such an awesome group of young world-changers and are extremely grateful for their hard work and dedication over the past few months. Say hello to our 2017 summer interns!
Nikita Benson
School: NYU
Team: Finance
Hometown: Muscat, Oman
Why did you want to intern at charity: water?
The post-water project completion efforts to monitor, evaluate, and ensure sustainability by locals seems like something missing from a lot of development programs, though a vital part of the solution. Also, the large picture of Caroline in the reception really moved me, not something I was expecting to feel.
What does a typical day in the office look like for you?
I'm working on a specific project looking into the foreign currency exchange losses sustained by partners, so most of my day is focused on that. Sometimes I work on smaller Excel related tasks.
What is your favorite part of interning at charity: water?
The Finance team seems really jolly, so it's nice to watch people laughing and looking happy!
What is your favorite NYC hangout?
Seriously, it's the L train at night
Fun Fact: I used to ice-skate competitively and now I'm a lapsed skater with skates that have needed breaking into for the last 2 years.
Jessica Jang
School: Binghamton University
Team: Key Relationships
Hometown: St. James, NY
Why did you want to intern at charity: water?
I fell in love with charity: water’s mission, and I wanted to contribute to something that influenced the world outside my little bubble. Why not be a part of such inspiring and impactful work?
What does a typical day in the office look like for you?
I’m usually updating lots of numbers and working on updates to send to donors about their water project sponsorships.
What is your favorite part of interning at charity: water?
My favorite part is the people and their hard work and passion for what they do. The office environment is a huge part of making everyday fun and exciting! I love hearing the amazing stories from people I work with, people who support us, and people we help.
What is your favorite NYC hangout?
I love exploring new foods so you can most likely find me trying a new place to eat. That or finding a nice spot in Central Park to relax with friends.
Fun Fact: I have played a 9ft Steinway piano at Carnegie Hall.
Jill McInerney
The George Washington University
Key Relationships
Warren, NJ
Why did you want to intern at charity: water?
I wanted to learn how non-profit organizations run and charity: water was the perfect fit! charity: water's mission and model to solve the water crisis spoke to me, so I knew I wanted to work here.
What does a typical day in the office look like for you?
My day usually starts with chatting with my fellow KR interns about anything from everyone's weekend/days off to celebrity gossip. For lunch, I grab a bite to eat from one of the various cafes in the area then sit in the Flex space and eat/laugh with all the KR interns. The typical work I do for Maria consists of donor research, sending updates to donors, buying and sending cool gifts, and inputting data into Salesforce/excel spreadsheets.
What is your favorite part of interning at charity: water?
My favorite part about interning for charity: water is the all around positivity and amazing energy in the office. Everyone is so passionate about what they are doing making charity: water an unbelievable place to work.
What is your favorite NYC hangout?
Any rooftop that has a great view and great vibes
Fun Fact: I am extremely interested in history!
Maeve Kennard
School: USC
Team: Water Programs
Hometown: Wilton, CT
Why did you want to intern at charity: water?
Last summer I had the opportunity to work with the Water Programs team on various data projects. I fell in love with the organization and the work I was doing and had trouble seeing myself at any internship that was not charity: water. I knew that I would not receive a more valuable experience outside of charity: water and had to come back to continue to learn about the organization and see how it continues to grow and adapt.
What does a typical day in the office look like for you?
I spend most of my days working on various Water Programs data projects, whether they are cleaning Household Data Sets and analyzing the success of various water projects, or helping to create comprehensive Water Point Site Lists to better track past projects.
What is your favorite part of interning at charity: water?
It is definitely a tie between the day to day work and the people. I love working with the data sets and understanding the true impact of all of the water projects. But the people here are also some of the most interesting and hard working people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. Everyone has such a different story and brings such unique skills to the organization that there is never a shortage of knowledge to learn and share.
What is your favorite NYC hangout?
Any rooftop with a cool view and good food
Fun Fact: I used to be allergic to the cold weather when I was younger (which I didn't even realize was possible) and after spending 3 years in California with minimal winter exposure, that allergy has started to come back.
Noëlle Elmore
School: The King's College
Team: Supporter Experience
Hometown: Mobile, AL
Why did you want to intern at charity: water?
I read a book called "Half the Sky" in high school, and ever since I've been super passionate about women's issues, especially in developing countries. Friends from my college told me about charity: water, and after reading about the massive effect that clean water can have on women and children, I was sold. I know I want to do some kind of international non-profit work when I graduate, so interning at charity: water is perfect!
What does a typical day in the office look like for you?
My job is mainly focused on the Help Center - I help supporters with any questions they have while campaigning or donating to charity: water. I reallocate donations, help set-up campaigns, and ship Jerry Cans! Lately, I've been helping with a Marketing initiative to personally thank every single campaigner, which is time-consuming but so amazing!
What is your favorite part of interning at charity: water?
Well, the bean bag chairs, trail mix, and Beer + Pizza Fridays are definitely big contenders, but I have to say that my favorite thing is the staff's attitude towards interns. My manager gives me meaningful projects to work on and I can work independently, knowing that everyone here is willing to help/advise/support me anytime I need it. The staff makes a point to get to know the interns and bring them into the charity: water community.
What is your favorite NYC hangout?
There's an amazing sushi place in KTown on 32nd street. It's in a 3 story building filled with all different types of Asian food vendors. I like to pick up sushi and miso from there, maybe some bubble tea, and then sit in Herald Square to people-watch (cause tourists are hilarious).
Fun Fact: I'm a Star Wars super fan! My family and I marathon all the movies every Christmas, we own every action figure ever made, I've read the Star Wars encyclopedia cover-to-cover, and my Dad's prized possession is a piece of Darth Vader's original cape.
Lily Patterson
School: Fordham University
Team: Water Programs
Hometown: Cape Cod, MA
Why did you want to intern at charity: water?
My high school hosted a gala to benefit charity: water during my sophomore year and I have been following the organization ever since. I interned with Taina in the Fall of 2016 and she made it such a positive experience that I jumped at the first chance I had to come back!
What does a typical day in the office look like for you?
I typically come in, grab a cup of coffee, and then the first thing I do is look through my emails. Beyond that, what I do varies each day depending on what the Water Programs team needs, from WASH research to cleaning up grant cards.
What is your favorite part of interning at charity: water?
The people are some of the friendliest and most open that I have ever met and I love getting to know everyone. The coffee doesn’t hurt either!
What is your favorite NYC hangout?
I love hanging out in Central Park with my dad and watching the different baseball leagues play.
Fun Fact: I can assemble any item from IKEA in record time and genuinely enjoy it.
Julia Briggs
School: The King's College
Team: Office Operations
Hometown: I moved 15 times growing up, so everywhere
Why did you want to intern at charity: water?
I know many previous interns from charity: water through my college and hearing their stories showed me the incredible impact that charity: water has on the world, so I knew I had to be a part of it.
What does a typical day in the office look like for you?
As the Office Experience Intern, I help maintain the office with our Office Experience Manager, Jordan. Whether it be through ordering snacks and supplies, setting up for Beer + Pizza, or tidying the office during my daily walk around.
What is your favorite part of interning at charity: water?
Being able to explain the work that charity: water is doing and seeing people's faces as they realize what an impact it has on the world.
What is your favorite NYC hangout?
Any and all coffee shops! There are some great ones throughout the city!
Fun Fact: I am starting my thesis on the Influence of Cultural Perspectives on Holocaust Literature next semester at The University of Oxford in England!
Shannon Wheeler
School: UCLA
Team: Marketing
Hometown: Kinnelon, NJ
Why did you want to intern at charity: water?
I had the opportunity to intern with charity: water last summer and couldn't wait to come back! Working at charity: water is incredibly inspiring, challenging and a lot of fun. I study International Development and I'm particularly interested in issues of public health, something that those without access to clean and safe drinking water struggle with daily.
What does a typical day in the office look like for you?
I work with the amazing Anna Azarjew, so I usually start my day checking in with her and catching up on work while lounging on the couch next to her desk. Throughout the day you can find me developing resources for students and teachers and speaking with our awesome supporters.
What is your favorite part of interning at charity: water?
My coworkers! I'm constantly inspired by the energy, dedication, and experience of this staff. Anna is the Lorelai to my Rory.
What is your favorite NYC hangout?
This answer definitely changes based on the season, but I would say my favorite summer NYC hang out is Central Park.
Fun Fact: I spent a summer walking across Spain.
Evan Keare
School: Harvard-Westlake School
Team: Water Programs
Hometown: Los Angeles, CA
Why did you want to intern at charity: water?
I've been passionate about volunteer work and service my entire life. About a year ago my uncle retweeted The Spring video, and it came up on my Twitter feed so I watched it. I was so moved and inspired that I knew I at least had to try to apply for an internship!
What does a typical day in the office look like for you?
It changes every day! On any given day, I might be organizing and filing grant documents, keeping content bank and internal keynotes up to date, or doing whatever Christoph asks me to do for him that day.
What is your favorite part of interning at charity: water?
The space and the people for sure. The office is absolutely incredible and I love being able to work in such an open, comfortable, and fun place. The people are all so intelligent and passionate and come from all different walks of life, so it's been really fun to get to know everyone.
What is your favorite NYC hangout?
I love Pier 26 just a few blocks away from the office. There are tables and chairs looking over the river surrounded by a volleyball court, a basketball court, and a skate park. It's a beautiful place to watch the sunset!
Fun Fact: I learned how to solve a Rubik's Cube in 60 seconds when I was in third grade!
Yanyan Luo
School: NYU
Team: Finance
Hometown: Nairobi, Kenya
Why did you want to intern at charity: water?
I highly value when NGOs are accountable and transparent in how they allocate their funds. Thus charity: water's 100% model really inspired me to want to be a part of the team.
What does a typical day in the office look like for you?
Entering donations into NetSuite, and assisting Yohanny (or anyone else on the Finance team) in daily tasks as needed.
What is your favorite part of interning at charity: water?
The friendliness of the staff and the amazing office space.
What is your favorite NYC hangout?
Carl Schwarz Park and Central Park
Fun Fact: I had always dreamt of being a professional pianist when I was young!
Thomas Newell
School: Brigham Young University
Team: Key Relationships
Hometown: Provo, UT
Why did you want to intern at charity: water?
About a year ago, I listened to charity: water CEO Scott Harrison talk about the water crisis on the Bill Simmons podcast. I had always been interested in charity work in the developing world, but had never considered water to be such a foundational part of the effort. I determined that I would do my part to help end the water crisis and undertook a year-long endeavor to make my way from Provo, UT to New York City to be involved with charity: water, its mission, and its people.
What does a typical day in the office look like for you?
Come in early to an office filled with wonderful people, communicate with my direct supervisor in the UK, and then get to work either researching potential charity: water supporters, helping the newly minted UK operations team move smoothly, or building up our database for the UK as charity: water becomes a household name.
What is your favorite part of interning at charity: water?
Being involved in something that is truly meaningful.
What is your favorite NYC hangout?
Any basketball park--whether it's Rucker, West 4th, or Dyckman. I love to get out and see basketball in its Mecca here in NYC.
Fun Fact: After New York, my wife and I will be moving to London to pursue a Master's degree and completely empty our pockets living in another of the world's most expensive cities.
Maya Rudolph
School: University at Albany, SUNY
Team: Key Relationships
Hometown: Parsippany, NJ
Why did you want to intern at charity: water?
I wanted to intern at charity: water because I wanted to experience working for a mission driven organization that had the capacity and drive to make an incredible impact. I was eager to learn about the inner workings of a large non-profit, alongside charity: water's unique 100% model.
What does a typical day in the office look like for you?
I rarely know what to expect each day, but I love that there is always a surprise in store. My responsibilities vary in accordance to the fast-paced tempo of the office. Some days, we sit in on team meetings to learn from the Key Relationships representatives, whereas others involve researching donors or prepping the office for guest visits. My manager always has sound, knowledgeable advice or an intriguing task for me to complete.
What is your favorite part of interning at charity: water?
I love my team! The Key Relationships team is chock-full of powerful, inspiring women (and one great male intern). I love to learn from them each day about how to be fearless in my work and break down barriers. My co-interns are wonderful as well - certainly life-long friends!
What is your favorite NYC hangout?
Any place on the water! Whether it be the East River, the Hudson, or lakeside in Central Park, I love to sit down with a good read and enjoy the view of the water ahead and the breathtaking skyline behind.
Fun Fact: I stand only as tall as three Jerry Cans stacked!
Sam Benevelli
School: Hamilton College
Team: Key Relationships
Hometown: Madison, CT
Why did you want to intern at charity: water?
Anyone I interviewed with or spoke to about charity: water was so passionate about their work and about solving the world water crisis. These are the people that made the job listing come to life and got me very excited about this opportunity.
What does a typical day in the office look like for you?
A typical day in the office for me involves donor research.
What is your favorite part of interning at charity: water?
My favorite part of interning at charity: water is my coworkers. From the other amazing interns to my fabulous managers, everyone here makes it easy to love coming to work.
What is your favorite NYC hangout?
My favorite NYC hangout is Washington Square Park.
Fun Fact: I can sing every song from Hamilton the Musical!
Antony Wolfe-Cowen
School: Cornell University
Team: Brand Partnerships
Hometown: London, UK
Why did you want to intern at charity: water?
After watching Scott’s TED Talk a few years back, I was inspired by charity: water’s bold mission and commitment to bringing clean and safe drinking water to 663 million people across developing parts of the world. I was also fascinated by the way in which charity: water has revolutionized the traditional non-profit model and is leveraging innovative technologies across the organization to make their positive impact sustainable and quantifiable. Moreover, the unique opportunity to be charity: water’s first official MBA Intern, with the permission to co-create and structure the role alongside the Director of Partnerships, greatly appealed to me.
What does a typical day in the office look like for you?
I spend a large proportion of the day working on the projects and related tasks that have been assigned to me over the summer. One exciting project that I am focused on currently is centered around the business case development for the next stage of a newly formed partnership. The goal here is to understand the potential impact of the venture’s growth and how we could integrate technology to make the program more seamless after the initial pilot phase.
What is your favorite part of interning at charity: water?
Contributing to an organization that is bettering the lives of millions of people around the world is of course hugely rewarding. It’s also great working alongside smart, driven, creative and incredibly passionate people who care deeply about the mission of the organization. The energy in the office is infectious!
What is your favorite NYC hangout?
As I love to take photos, I have to say the Tudor City Overpass; it’s the perfect spot to catch the sunset, especially during Manhattanhenge.
Fun Fact: Sacha Baren Cohen is in my family tree, although we sadly don't know each other.
Bryn Melanson
School: UNC Chapel Hill
Team: Brand Partnerships
Hometown: Boston, MA
Why did you want to intern at charity: water?
I wanted to work for an innovative mission driven organization with an amazing culture.
What does a typical day in the office look like for you?
I help support the Brand Partnerships team with partnership inquiries, manage relationships with current brand partners, and research and develop creative ideas for potential partners to get involved.
What is your favorite part of interning at charity: water?
Definitely the people. The energy is magnetic and everyone likes to work hard, but have a great time while doing it.
What is your favorite NYC hangout?
I love the West Village, there are so many great restaurants and things to do!
Fun Fact: I have my PADI Scuba Diving Certification and I was a DI rower.
Casey Brown
School: University of Kansas
Team: Key Relationships
Hometown: Cleveland, OH
Why did you want to intern at charity: water?
I was so inspired by charity: water and their mission. Knowing the impact that the organization has and continues to make only made me more passionate about being a part of the team.
What does a typical day in the office look like for you?
I usually come in and catch up with the KR team for a bit, and then head straight into putting notes into Salesforce, sending packages and helping my amazing manager Brady Essmann with anything she needs for the day.
What is your favorite part of interning at charity: water?
charity: water has provided me with experiences and tools that I will carry with me long after the summer is over. I have learned so much by both observing and by the hands on approach they have here at charity: water. I love the fun exciting energy, and the always warm and comforting environment the office creates each day.
What is your favorite NYC hangout?
I love running through Central Park! There is so much to explore! I could keep running for hours!
Fun Fact: I am an expert on all things Broadway!
Megan Daly
School: Indiana University
Team: Guest Experience and Office Operations
Hometown: Dyer, IN
Why did you want to intern at charity: water?
I wanted to intern at charity: water because I heard about their mission and purpose on a podcast and got so pumped about what they are doing! Being a Nonprofit major, I have also always wanted to work with an organization that is doing the kind life-changing work that charity: water does.
What does a typical day in the office look like for you?
Typically, I get to sit up front and answer the phone and talk to our wonderful donors! I answer their questions or help them with any issues they might have. I also get to greet and welcome guests as they come into our office!
What is your favorite part of interning at charity: water?
I love learning more and more about the organization and the different roles that people play in accomplishing their mission. The people at charity: water are so passionate about what they do and have so much to share and teach!
What is your favorite NYC hangout?
I spend a lot of time in Central Park! It's my favorite place to get away from the busy streets and go for a run or picnic with friends.
Fun Fact: I can, in fact, lick my elbow!
Leah Havens
School: The University of Texas at Austin
Team: Water Programs
Hometown: Austin, TX
Why did you want to intern at charity: water?
charity: water is working to solve one of the largest problems of our time. As a civil engineer who is passionate about using my skills in the context of international development, working for charity: water has been a dream. With an innovative business model AND innovative solutions in the field, charity: water is leading the way in getting clean water and sanitation to people who need it, and I am honored to be a small part of it!
What does a typical day in the office look like for you?
A typical day in the office involves lots of coffee, tea, and snacks and wonderful meetings with the Water Programs team. Beyond that, I spend my time researching the solutions funded by charity: water and looking at data that we've collected through surveys in the countries we work in.
What is your favorite part of interning at charity: water?
The work space is one of the most inspiring places that I've ever existed in. From the people and the artwork to the awesome welcome mat, I feel motivated to be a part of something bigger the second I walk through the doors.
What is your favorite NYC hangout?
A wonderful coffee shop called The Outpost in Brooklyn. They have provided me with endless sandwiches and coffee and have a dope patio.
Fun Fact: I can never be president. My dad was in the Army, and I was born in Frankfurt in a German hospital. Womp.
Sadiq Keshwani
School: The King’s College
Team: Finance
Hometown: Karachi, Pakistan
Why did you want to intern at charity: water?
I was born in Pakistan, and when I was around 10 my family took a trip to the rural areas. I saw how clean water was a luxury in some of those places, and since then it has always been on my mind to do something to help people around the world get access to clean water. When I found out about charity: water and its mission, I quickly wanted to be a part of it in any way I could.
What does a typical day in the office look like for you?
Entering checks into NetSuite, going through expense reports, generating tax receipts, snacking.
What is your favorite part of interning at charity: water?
The people; everyone is really nice, and approachable. The office is beautiful, and the kitchen is full of snacks. Not a bad place to be interning at!
What is your favorite NYC hangout?
Not Times Square.
Fun Fact: I went to the same highschool as Ed Sheeran.
Tiffany Novacek
School: University of Nebraska - Lincoln
Team: Creative
Hometown: Norfolk, Nebraska
Why did you want to intern at charity: water?
The idea was planted in my head by a family member, but moving to New York for the summer seemed really far fetched at the time. I’ve always loved charity: water’s mission and once I started realistically thinking about interning here, I knew I couldn’t pass it up! The organization is so inspiring and the experience has been better than I could have imagined.
What does a typical day in the office look like for you?
My day-to-day tasks vary in the office, but I can typically count on someone (usually Tyler) inviting me to Puffy’s for lunch. A lot of writing, editing and coffee drinking happen in my corner.
What is your favorite part of interning at charity: water?
I look forward to coming to the office every morning, which has to be the best part! There’s always something exciting happening and the staff has made me feel right at home in New York.
What is your favorite NYC hangout?
I’m obsessed with going to places that have cool rooftop views. The Met, Le Bain, The Wythe. Amazing views of the city and you get to escape the crazy sounds and smell for a bit.
Fun Fact: I am a huge animal lover, but birds scare me so much!
Kristina Chu
School: Tufts University
Team: Key Relationships
Hometown: East Setauket, NY
Why did you want to intern at charity: water?
I was really drawn to charity: water's strategy to solve the global water crisis (collaborating with local partners and accounting for different cultures/ environments when determining the best-fit solution for a community). I also figured charity: water could teach me so much about work in the public health/ international development sector, of which I am passionate about.
What does a typical day in the office look like for you?
As soon as I walk in, I grab a mason jar to fill with water and a mug of tea. Usually, I spend 5 minutes catching up with my fellow KR interns. Then, when settled in at my desk, I check my email, Slack, and Basecamp for new assigned tasks or notifications. The morning usually involves managing birthday gifts for our Well members or some research on foundation grants. Around noon, I break for lunch, sitting in on the Brown Bags when they are happening. In the afternoons, I return my attention to my assigned tasks and occasionally have a one on one meeting with Rachel (my amazing manager)!
What is your favorite part of interning at charity: water?
I love being in a space where the staff and interns are driven by and passionate about the org's mission.
What is your favorite NYC hangout?
The Hypar Pavilion at Lincoln Center
Fun Fact: Up until tenth grade, my home didn't have a computer or the internet!
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Recovering My Memory
Imagine losing all of your memories and having to relearn how to walk. Imagine being unable to recognize even your closest family members. It’s scary to imagine, but if you’re a true survivor, it’s possible to bounce back, with a lot of hard work and dedication. Meet Kathleen, who had an aneurysm and lived to tell the tale.
I had to remap my brain, meaning I had to learn how to walk and write and drive a car again. It took quite a few years to get back to normal.
Can you tell us about your day-to-day life?
I’m a very busy person! I'm going to be 59 in July. I walk four miles a day, I’m a realtor, I cook, I make rosaries that I give away to nuns, and I’m always doing volunteer work at the Roman Catholic Dominican farm. I also love to read. Right now I'm interested in Ayurvedic holistic medicine.
How do you use Mango?
I use the reminders to manage my type 2 diabetes. I also I survived a brain aneurysm 15 years ago. I had to remap my brain, meaning I had to learn how to walk and write and drive a car again. It took quite a few years to get back to normal. I still have little memory lapses; I will forget to take my medicine if my phone doesn't go dinga-linga-ling. So Mango helps me out tremendously.
Wow, an aneurysm. What led up to that?
I was 40, and I would jog every morning for seven miles. I had suffered with migraine headaches all my life, since I was four. Eventually I got a neurologist and found out that not everyone gets them. I started taking medicine.
She came over to the bed, and she started hugging me. "Mom it's me,” she said. “Your only child, Chrissie."
One Saturday I came back from my run, and suddenly my head started pounding. My husband, who’s a pharmacist, looked at me and asked, "Are you okay?" I said, "No, I'm not. I would rather die than have another migraine." And he said, "Get in the car." He knew I didn’t want to go to the hospital, but that's exactly where he took me.
I had an angiogram and an MRI done. They called us with the results right after we got home from the hospital. The doctor said, "Kathleen, I want you to sit down." He told me there was a loop in the left side of my temporal middle artery. He said, "We've made an appointment for you and your husband to see one of the best neurosurgeons in the country on Monday morning."
So I thought, Okay, this is serious. Then he asked, "Have you had any of your migraine medicine today?" I said, "Yes, I just took one." He said, "Well can you bring it back up?" He didn’t want that in my system because it constricts all the blood vessels. It could cause the aneurysm to blow, and if that happened, I wouldn't survive. It turns out this was a congenital defect I’d had all my life.
In the end, they took out a piece of my skull behind my left eyeball, to fix the aneurysm. They put around 70 staples in my skull. I stayed at the hospital for about 10 days, with my head wrapped all up. I lost my vocabulary and my memory. I would ask 50 times a day, "I'm sorry, can you tell me what day it is again? I forgot."
Be thankful for your life. I know that most people don't survive a brain aneurysm, but I just feel so fortunate. Now I see every day as a blessing.
One day this other nurse came in to give me my breakfast and medicine. There was a little flower in a vase on my tray. I asked her, "I'm so sorry, can you tell me your name again?" She broke down in tears. She came over to the bed, and she started hugging me. "Mom it's me,” she said. “Your only child, Chrissie."
You’ve been through a lot. How do you feel now? Do you have any advice you’d like to pass on to other people going through health issues?
It's been 15 years now and I'm doing well, but I still forget things now and then. I would never have survived any of this without my husband. He saved my life by taking me to the hospital that day.
I think everyone should be proactive in taking care of their health: your daily diet, caloric intake, and output of caloric energy -- whether it's through jogging or swimming or weight-lifting. Whatever you choose. It’s important to eat healthy and get back to that fresh, crisp wholeness of whole foods. I do believe that food is medicine.
And, of course, be thankful for your life. I know that most people don't survive a brain aneurysm, but I just feel so fortunate. Now I see every day as a blessing.
Do you have a story you’d like to share with us?
We’d love to hear from you. Send us a note at [email protected].
If you liked this post, you may also like:
- Simple Ways To Boost Your Memory
- Finding Hope in a Life of Chronic Illness
- Living Longer: To 100 and Beyond
The posts on this blog are for information only. They are neither intended to substitute for a relationship with your doctor or other healthcare provider, nor do they constitute medical or healthcare advice of any kind. Any information in these posts should not be acted upon without consideration of primary source material and professional input from one’s own healthcare providers.
#community profile#interview#kathleen#brain aneurysm#aneurysm#memory#brain#remembering#religion#type 2#diabetes#type 2 diabetes#medicine#mango health#medication#memory lapse#migraine#hospital#migraines#diet#carloric intake#exercise#jogging#swimming#gratitude#blessing#angiogram#MRI
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Chapter 6: Chubby, impulsive, a mess
I only know that my mother was thin once because of the photo album she kept in her cedar chest. After I was born, she was never thin again, which I’m sure endeared me to her not at all. To be fair, none of the women on her side of the family, myself included, where ever what you would call thin for any appreciable amount of time; we were pear-shaped, with wide, generous asses, and no tits to speak of whatsoever. I could pick one of my own out of a lineup without ever seeing anything above the neck.
The cedar chest in question was another target of my early-morning raids, and even more so later on when my parents began to leave me home alone for short periods of time, when I was about twelve. We had a lot of photo albums lying around, but the one in the cedar chest was special: it contained photos of my mother and of her life before me, or my father, or any of us. Photos of my mother as I imagined, she was truly meant to be, before I came and fucked it all up.
The album was filled with snapshots of my mother, my mother’s old friends, and boys – boys she either fucked or did not fuck, I had no idea; their limbs were long and brown with exposure to the sun, slung carelessly over the sides of docks and lawn chairs and the tailgates of trucks. They were all so quintessentially 70s, everyone with long, straggly hair, clutching cans of old-timey beer with pull-tops, gathered around beat-up looking coolers, gathered around campsites. In the photo in question, my mother is sitting on a dock in a yellow bikini. She is smiling. She is tiny and lithe and radiant.
I was not tiny or lithe or radiant. I was going through puberty, and everything was hell. I don’t mind one bit telling you that I was not a pretty child; and as soon as I started going through puberty – early, of course, so fifth grade was extra fun – I took a turn for the worse in the looks department.
As the tales foretold in the bodies of my female relatives came to pass, hips and ass crept up on me like rotund panthers, causing tables and desks and decorative vases to seemingly fling themselves from my sides as I passed, as my sense of where my body ended and my surroundings began was thrown into turmoil.
In an ironic attempt to draw attention away from my changing body, I started to “experiment” with fashion – meaning I’d embarrass myself and everyone else around me by showing up to school in a denim miniskirt and cowboy boots. I decided that the stylish, quirky Claudia Kishi from The Babysitters Club was my spirit animal, but really, the only thing Claudia and I had in common was a penchant for junk food, and I didn’t have the fictionally blessed metabolism Claudia did.
My mother, who by this point had been on Weight Watchers roughly since it was invented, was horrified by this turn of events. I can’t imagine that it’s not just a little bit harder to love a child that’s ugly, even if they are sweet and good, neither of which I was.
I was promptly placed on a diet by my mother. This lasted roughly five minutes, until I, wracked by paroxysms of hunger, asked if I could have just one slice of Kraft Processed Cheese Food Product, to which my mother capitulated with a heavy and burdened sigh. And that was the last I ever heard of a diet, and together we both became pillars of the body positive community, and learned to love our bodies for what they could do instead of how well they conformed to the standards set by the male-dominated media circus.
Ha, ha.
My father had a bad habit of pointing out plus size women we saw in public – from the car, in the mall - and remarking to my mother, She’s really let herself go, as if this woman, this innocent stranger we didn’t know, had once been slim and beautiful, but had allowed herself to fall to the ravages of beauty-nonconformity by a simple lapse in vigilance. As if Fat had been lying in wait for her around the corner, jumped out, and she had been unwilling to fend it off; a personal failing, completely detached from any excuse like genetics or glandular issues or just being fucking happy with yourself. I would picture the women he pointed out, the supposed former versions of themselves that my father referred to, holding a red balloon against the cobalt sky, and then just letting go. The balloon drifts gently toward the clouds, and now they are fat.
So it certainly wasn’t for lack of effort on the part of my parents that I started to get fat, and by “fat”, I mean I gained maybe 10 pounds over the course of puberty. My father helpfully called out the calorie content of anything I removed from the fridge, however mundane. I recall removing a carton of milk from the fridge – Do you know how fattening that is? Goddammit, Dad, do you want me to get osteoporosis?
As a result, a culture of shame started to form around the food in our house. This is not to say that my parents were particularly healthy eaters – while they certainly managed to put food on the table, neither of them were great cooks, and the majority of what we ate came from a can or a packet that bore the words “INSTA-“ or “-HELPER”. It was typical of the times.
What they really loved, however, like most of North America, was sugar. Sugar, and Costco. Biweekly would come home these wholesale boxes stacked with dozens of Twix, Skor bars, Mr. Big. My mother would save up her Weight Watchers points and indulge. My father, the skinny prick, would dig in with impunity.
What they didn’t love was sharing the horde with their fat little daughter, who ate too much, who was letting herself go. At the tender age of twelve, they saw that my grip on the Balloon Of Thinness was tenuous at best, so the food was first moved to the highest shelves in the cupboards (as if that would stop me), then locked away in their bedroom.
And that was the end of my relationship with sweets, because as we’ve already seen, I had a great deal of respect for my parents’ privacy, and I become gloriously thin as a result. My parents proceeded to love me forever.
Bullshit. My parents went bowling every Friday night, and I lived for those nights. As soon as I heard the roar of that Dodge engine fade to nothing, I was all up in that shit. Yoghurt, muffins, cookies, Twix – whatever was there, whatever was within reach, however much I wanted, because no one was watching, and no one was judging. And no one was going to say a damn thing.
If I eat two yogurts, five Oreos and a Twix bar in the forest and no one is around to bitch about it… then what? I win? If I’d won, the prize was feeling like a fat piece of shit. It didn’t take me long to realize that my binges – for that’s what they were – were as uncomfortable for me as they were for my parents. So, one Friday, lying in a pool of shame and candy wrappers, I decided to take drastic action.
As a child I’d pored over descriptions of anorexia and bulimia nervosa in our family medical guide, later supplementing my knowledge with wholesome anorexia memoirs checked out from the elementary school library. I marvelled at the willpower, the determination, the sheer lack of need that the girls in the books portrayed. They seemed so pure, so single-minded, so vigilant and focussed. They were on the ball; they would never let themselves go. Their parents were a perfect scribble of concern over their fragile daughters. They were the complete opposite of everything I was – chubby, impulsive, a mess. That could never be me. Could it?
I padded to our only bathroom, keeping my footsteps soft as though someone were around to hear them. I shut the door and listened for the approach of an engine, the muffled slam of a car door.
I practiced what I’d learned from the books, leaning over the gaping maw of the toilet, drooling and gagging and praying as I feverishly crammed my fingers down my throat, until they found what they were looking for.
The vomit came in stuttering waves. It wasn’t like when I was sick as a child, where the sick would propel itself from my body and arc into the waste bin set beside my bed, completely unaided, look ma, no hands. This took fucking dedication. My stomach muscles ached from the effort; I wondered idly if you could get abs this way.
Once the waves stopped coming, I stood up and wiped my face at the sink, my legs still. In the mirror, my face was slick and blotchy. But I felt amazing. I was purified, emptied, cleansed of my sins.
At twelve, I’d found an altar, and I was going to worship at it.
#memoir#biographies & memoirs#essays & memoirs#autobiography#nonfiction#my writing#author#writing#it happened to me#families#growing up#puberty#eating disorders#dysfunctional#abuse#depression#negative body image#spilled ink#spilled thoughts#knopf#web series#confession#true story
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50 Character Questions For Karalonde
@memes4less asked me to do the whole darn ask meme for a character of mine that i like a lot, and it took some time, but
it happened, and i’m just, so incredibly sorry to mobile users if this somehow eats your dash
here’s a readmore tho
What is your OC’s favorite color?
Yellow.
Does your OC collect anything? What do they collect?
Curios and antiques from Elven history.
What kind of things is your OC allergic to?
No allergies.
What kind of clothing does your OC wear?
Very huge yellow cloak full of pockets is a must. Steel-toed boots, sweaters, comfortable all-weather pants. It takes a lot to get her into something elegant.
What is your OC’s first memory?
Her mothers and mentors, the spooky old Ravens Grey, holding her hands and singing songs to her.
What’s your OC’s favorite animal? Least favorite?
Karalonde gets along very well with corvids. They tend to recognize her as another corvid, like a very big crow or raven. On the flip-side, dogs don't trust her, and she doesn't trust them.
What element would your OC be?
Sodium.
What is your OC’s theme song?
The Heavy - No Place For A Hero
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vhwDxNqWtxk
Do you have a faceclaim / voiceclaim for your OC?
Nah.
What deadly sin would best represent your OC?
This one's a toss-up. I'm going to go with Pride though, because she's sure of herself to a tragic fault. Believing without question that she's making the right decision, because she's Karalonde, so of course she's right, has been her downfall more than once.
What are your OC’s hobbies?
She used to play guitar. Hasn't picked it up again since she lost her eyes, but she could.
How patient is your OC? How hot-headed are they?
She's patient until she's not. Dynamite with a really, really long fuse is still dynamite. When she's angry, she's Category Five Angry.
What is your OC’s gender / sexuality / race / species / etc.?
She's a night elf, a trans woman, and a lesbian.
What foods does your OC like to eat? What are their least favorite foods?
She's a total disaster about modern food. Absolutely spoiled by the world of greasy and salty and deep-fried. But she's got a soft spot for kimchi, which she grew up on, and likes her meat rare.
If your OC could have any pet, what would they choose? Why?
A corvid of some kind. She's always had an affinity for them due to her upbringing. Whenever she encounters one in the wild, she has a way of approaching them that makes her seem to be a Very Large Raven, rather than a different creature altogether.
What does your OC smell like?
Boot polish.
How do they make a living? What kind of job do they want / not want? What is their dream job? What do they think of their current job?
Karalonde found and sold a great deal of her belongings from half an eternity ago in order to build a large savings. Large enough that she can coast on it for basically as long as she wants, as long as she lives simply- which she prefers. Most days, she takes a boat to the Broken Shore and participates in holding the line there, helping to keep the demons from advancing any closer to the mainland. Her dream job requires that the war be over. She wants to go back to being a public servant. Maybe the mayor of a small town, or some other low-caliber politician. She considers her current "job" a necessary service, but it places her uncomfortably close to the Illidari.
What are your OC’s greatest fears? Weaknesses? Strengths?
Karalonde fears failure to the point of outright "you didn't win" levels of denial. She also fears abandonment. She's absolutely awful at expressing herself, and this distances herself from would-be friends and romantic partners, and this is exacerbated by her vast ego, which insists that she can't be in the wrong for acting that way. She is, however, phenomenally physically strong, literally fireproof, and she can, on occasion, channel her inability to otherwise express herself into a passionate drive to protect the few people she can keep close to her- even if that means doing something as dangerous and oafish as picking a fight on their behalf.
What kind of music do they listen to? Do they have a favorite song?
Karalonde likes things that sound like Spanish guitar. She also has a certain fondness for the powerful drums the Trolls use.
If they came from their world to ours (if not already in our’s) how would they react? What would they do?
She's been traveling offworld for half an eternity, thanks to her career with the Illidari. If anything, she'd just be shocked to find out that the Earth isn't a smoldering husk. The next step after that would be to casually assimilate, never explaining her appearance or origins, pawning off her extremely valuable gold coins from Azeroth in exchange for fat stacks of cash. She'd miss out on a lot of our visual media due to her general eyelessness, but once she got the hang of things, she'd almost certainly end up a celebrity. Maybe even star in an action movie.
What personal problems/issues do they have? Pet peeves?
Lack of decorum makes Karalonde very upset. She's got a strict sense of what's proper behavior, and she's not above delivering a hard slap to remind her close acquaintances to behave when she's around. She also has a stomach ulcer, and arthritis in her knees and hands. Her only pet peeves are all to do with communication- she hates when strangers interject with "their two coppers," and she'll often deny them outright if they ask to contribute. Likewise, she hates un-asked-for explanations, and will mock anyone providing one with "ah, look at the young scholar," or something to that effect.
What kind of student were they/would they be in high school?
Horrible. Just the worst. Not even a disruption in class, just the kid who seems to always have better things to do than be there. Abysmal attendance record. Shows up whenever she wants. Gets into fights in the cafeteria pretty often over basically nothing. Steals little things all the time. --Librarian's pet, though. If she's not in class, she can be found there, helping stock returns and organize the shelves, holding surprisingly mature and serious conversations with the librarian about her future.
What is a random fact about your OC?
At least once in her life, Kara has- just like a dog- chased after and eaten a bee. With the consequences you'd expect.
What is their outlook on life? What is their philosophy / what do they think in general about living?
Kara is a firm believer in "all the fake things, all the bullshit, all the wishy-washy myths and mysteries." Every cryptid is real, every mystery has its fantastical conclusion, every conspiracy is worth investigation. She insists that it's the fake things- "the things we invent, because we like the sound of them" that contribute a newfound value to the dirt and grass and trees. Every ritual, she believes, is a total fabrication- an invention that, by virtue of our commitment to it, achieves its function. The only "fake thing" she questions is the Holy Light, because she finds it uncomfortably godless. "Where in the hell is their deity," she's asked more than once, "how in blazes did they reckon on just -light?-" The truth of that is, she just finds it unimaginative- lacking the spark of imagination that comes with grander rituals and other "fake things." But a world rich with fake things is a world she wants to protect. She's invented a great many, herself, ascribing value to trinkets and places and even articles of clothing. She'd save the world just for the sake of the value she finds in an idea. Even a really silly idea. Especially a really silly idea.
What inspired you to create them / how did you create them? Were they originally a fancharacter? What was their personality / design like when you first made them?
In a lot of ways, Kara is wish fulfillment. She's beautiful, she's strong, she's capable. But in other ways, she's constantly failing, She's a lapsed Illidari who broke the bond with her demon because the two of them fell in love, for goodness' sake. Talk about taboo on top of taboo. She's wrong about most everything, but she believes so hard and so sincerely- and again, that's wish fulfillment. I wish I could believe like Karalonde believes. She's only a fan character in the sense that she's not built out of My Original Lore, but really, there's only so much structure that Blizzard offers to characters, so they end up 1% Blizz, 99% Your Effort. She's always been kind of the same, ever since I made her, but she's changed in subtle ways- being more indulgent, telling more jokes, opening up little by little, learning to care about others again. Her journey's gradual, and she's got a long way to go.
Who is the most important person in their life? Why? Who is the least important to them (that still has an impact and why?
It's hard to say. Kara makes herself into a mother figure accidentally, all the time. She ends up attached to someone and worries about them, and next thing she knows, she's rushing to protect them. But there are a few- a very select, very distinct few- who she sees the "makings of greatness" in. And yes, John Silver from Treasure Planet went into the pot, when I was making up Karalonde for the first time. She fixates on these people- often slow-witted but sincere, brave but prone to accidents, full of self-doubt but in possession of great ambition- and she dotes on them. She provides what she can for them, even if it's just providing encouragement. She wants them to succeed, because she's already lost the war, as far as she can tell- but they don't have to. They could win it. To contrast, boastful warriors who go on and on about their conquests and victories, she considers fodder to be fed to the Legion. Let them go and die, if that's what they want, because they don't have or make any fake things to enrich this world.
What kind of childhood did your character have?
A very strange one. The Ravens Grey served as three different mother figures- One was tall and thin and very judgmental. One was hairy and squat and very slow to speak. The third was near-about the elven ideal, beautiful and youthful- but she had strange habits, drinking smoky concoctions and babbling prophecy. They each raised Karalonde in their own way, but also together, as a family. They taught her to be shrewd and clever, and never meaner than she had to be. To be tacit when it served her, and to make speeches when- and only when- they were called for. They molded her into an elf that could serve the woods, one of the finest politicians their village would ever see. None of them- not even the babbling prophet- expected that the woods would burn and Kara would find herself trapped in service to the Illidari. They were kind to her, but not coddling. They chose lessons over discipline. If she was going to scrape her knee, she was going to learn how to mend it. If she was going to throw a rock at the boy across the street, she was expected to explain why he deserved it, to their satisfaction. Otherwise, she'd get a lecture on when it's appropriate to throw rocks, and what rocks are the best kind to throw, and where you ought to throw a rock depending on how upset a person makes you. She grew up to be a woman who is very good at throwing rocks.
What kind of nervous habits do they have? Do they stim? Do they have any kinds of addictions?
Her ears twitch when she's angry or overstimulated. When she's frustrated, she'll grab an old trinket out of her coat and polish it until it squeaks. She's not an alcoholic, but she's fonder of a cosmopolitan than the average elf.
If they could choose their epitaph for their grave, what would they choose?
[KARALONDE - BORN IN TIME IMMEMORIAL - DIED IN BED, BENEATH A DOZEN GOBLINS]
She always was too friendly with the waitresses in the Bay.
Do they want to get married? Why or why not? Would they ever want kids? Do they have kids? Why?
She considers marriage an "Eastern tradition," like worship of the Light, necromancy, and failing to maintain a functioning kingdom. That said, if she was proposed to, she might open up to the idea. Just for the sake of trying something new. As for kids, she's never had one. She was meant to have one- a child intended to be the next leader of her village- but it never came to fruition, due to the woods burning. As things stand, she may end up a godmother for one of her friends. She might like a child of her own, but she's not ready to settle down. Not even after all this time.
What is their most traumatic memory/experience? What is their favorite memory?
She wasn't taken offworld by choice. She wanted to stay in the woods, hold the line, defend her village. She was dragged by the armpits through a portal, to go "fight them where they live." She's been bitter with Illidan and his ilk ever since, and it hurts her every day, to think back on what she was forced to leave behind. To contrast, her very favorite memory involves going to a quiet glade in Duskwood where the green dragons used to stay, and finally being able to touch the waters of a moonwell without them burning her skin. She was in the company of a young druid, who sang and kept her safe while she fretted and protested and doubted aloud until she finally found the courage to try. There was no greater relief than knowing that the mother moon recognized her again, even a little bit.
If they could have one thing in the world, what would it be?
One thing? How big or small scale is this? Like... one article of clothing, or one concept? For the sake of a good answer, I'll choose concept and go with "a home." She hasn't had a place to call home since the woods burned, and she wants one very badly. So badly that she's willing to occupy old elven ruins that've been abandoned and start dressing them up again.
Would they ever kill someone? What would someone have to do to push them to kill someone? If they would kill someone, why?
She "doesn't kill things of the good dirt that walk on two legs." This has to be broken down, a bit- "things of the good dirt" means creatures of all kinds who are made out of flesh and blood as a result of living somewhere. By this metric, demons are not things of the good dirt, largely. Many of them are composed of dark magic from the nether in their entirety- or they've been killed and remade so many times that nothing remains of what they once were, when they came up from their "good dirt." Then there's the matter of two legs- if it moves on four, it tends to qualify as prey. She considers herself an old creature of the woods, and as such a creature, she eats what she damn well pleases. These aren't hard rules, however. She'd eat a human or an orc or any such creature if she had to, and feel no moral or ethical dilemma whatsoever- she considers them to be "made of the same meat I am." If it's not a matter of eating or driving back the Legion to protect her home, then she absolutely will not kill. Maim, bludgeon, assault, she'll beat the daylights out of someone who crosses her- but she won't kill them. She, like the Ravens before her, would rather teach a lesson.
What social groups and activities does your character attend? What role do they like to play? What role do they actually play, usually?
Kara isn't the life of the party, but she's an active participant. She's belligerent and traditional in a lot of ways, but she likes to laugh and she likes to have a good time, and she's got the good sense not to make a bad situation out of a good one- unless she's really, terribly bothered by something, in which case she'll raise hell. She doesn't belong to any clubs or organizations anymore, but she's casually trying to form some- a township in some abandoned ruins, for example- and she hands out yellow cloaks to match hers, to any lapsed, failed, or rejected Illidari in need.
How is your character’s imagination? Daydreaming a lot? Worried most of the time? Living in memories?
She has a spectacular imagination, but it's limited by her perspective. Her ideas are fanciful and sometimes brilliant, but they have the same kind of old-fashioned charm that "old sci-fi" has compared to the sci-fi we're used to now. She doesn't worry, but she is prone to fantasizing- and she does do a great deal of living in memories, because she has an eternity of nostalgia to sift through.
What does your character want most? What do they need really badly, compulsively? What are they willing to do, to sacrifice, to obtain?
She wants the war to end. She's tired of having to fight in it, she was never meant to. She doesn't have many compulsive needs, but she does like to fight more than the average elf. By a long shot. She's done sacrificing, though. She'll kick ass and take names all up and down the Legion front, but she's already given up her eyes, her home, her lover, her allegiances, her dignity, her glaives, her traditions, her family, her friends, her neighbors, and every last tree in the woods we now call Felwood. She's Fucking Tired Of Sacrifices And She's Going To Keep And Protect Everything Else That Exists Now, God Damn It.
What’s something that your character does, that other people don’t normally do?
Bumps into walls. If it's not enchanted, she can't fucking see it. But she's too proud to use a cane or a dog, so she just struggles against the physical world because she needs to insist to herself that she's fine.
What would your character do with a million dollars?
She already has a million dollars. She's chosen to live well within her means, do a job that satisfies her, and make meaningful personal connections.
What is in your characters refrigerator right now? On their bedroom floor? Nightstand? Garbage can?
Fridge: Several stolen platters from New Years celebrations. Meat and cheese and vegetable dip trays from several different parties she wandered through. Also, a gallon of milk, a gallon of sweet tea, and a gallon of lemonade.
Bedroom floor: Gigantic heaps of treasure, stolen from everywhere. Rugs, quilts, piles of loose gold and silver trinkets, pottery and riches. It looks like the Cave of Wonders from Aladdin in there.
Nightstand: Flask of spring water from halfway up Hyjal. Gnomish audio recorder featuring a tape with instructions on how to read braille. Three other gnomish audio tapes are nearby, with instructions on how to use the Common alphabet, a recording of some very good guitar played by a pirate in the Bay, and a highly explicit tape, also bought in the Bay, which features very animated readings of a couple "steamy romance novels."
Garbage can: Empty soup cans, spent matches, various wrappers and shreds of wax paper.
Your character is getting ready for a night out. Where are they going? What do they wear? Who will they be with?
You can count on somewhere expensive. Kara likes paying extra for something quiet and special and well-crafted, so fine dining suits her. Even if she eats with her hands. She was given a dress over Winter Veil, made of embersilk. It fits, and she likes to wear it out. Odds are, she'll go out with a friend- but if she had a choice, she'd get a celebrity on her arm. She'd love to stir up a controversy by being caught out at dinner with a world leader, like Tyrande or Sylvanas. Especially Sylvanas- she feels like they'd have a lot to talk about, in their long years.
What does your character do when they’re angry? Why?
Pick fights. She's an extremely physical woman.
Does your character have any scars? Where did they get them from?
S h i t l o a d s. Where do you think? She's been fighting the Legion for goodness knows how long. Longer than most.
What was the most offensive thing your character had ever said?
"It's only a human. Wheel it off to a priest before it stinks, or eat it."
How does your character react/ accept criticism?
...It takes her a while. A long while. Usually something painful and humbling has to knock some sense into her before she'll accept a new idea.
If your character was given a slice of pineapple pizza and they HAD to eat it (or something bad would happen), how would they react? Do they even LIKE pineapple pizza?
She fucking loves pineapple on pizza.
Your character is given a voodoo doll of themself. What do they do with it? Do they see if it actually works?
Poke at it, then put it away. She believes very strongly in the sorcery of the Trolls, and she's not going to test her luck.
Can your character draw? What do they like to draw? Do they doodle?
She can't draw. She also can't read, or see.
What were their parents like? How has that affected how they are as an adult?
I feel like I already answered this one. The Ravens Grey were strange, confusing, but ultimately compassionate old witches whose methods carried both the danger and directness of the old trolls, and the dignity and decorum of the new elves. Kara, as an adult- having gone through so much- still tries to make herself like them. They were good to her. She appreciates how they raised her.
Does your character like candy? Do they get sugar rushes? What are they like when they get a rush?
Candy makes her sick. She'd never eat enough to get a rush, she'd vomit. Hates the taste. Even chocolate.
If your character was presented with imminent and unavoidable death/fatality, how would they react? Would they try to avoid death anyways? Would they try to make their last days count?
She'd embrace it with open arms. She's been waiting to die for a long time, and death simply hasn't come to her. She'd feel relief, in passing away. She'd get her affairs in order as best she could, distribute her wealth, talk to the people she wanted to talk to- Tyrande, Sylvanas, Boss Mida, Alexstrasza, Chromie, Shandris, and Varok Saurfang, in particular- and then call it quits. Take it easy, stay home and close to her loved ones, and just let herself finally die. An eternity is long enough to live. Let someone else handle the next one.
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Life on Earth (rf)
"What color is this?" Doctor Michael Gumstead asked, lightly dangling a green crayon before his patient’s eyes.
"Green," the patient replied, so thoroughly convinced of his answer that he said without even a moment's hesitation. This was the third time they had tried the crayon test and he still wasn’t showing no sign of improvement. Michael sighed, trying to keep his exasperation as slight as possible.
He had to remember that this man suffered from a debilitating neurological disorder that caused one to see and experience things the way they were. Some suffered from this disease more than others; many merly lapsing into employing logic or making a factual statement on occasion like a mental hiccup, but resuming a normal state immediately after. Others showed symptoms more consistently, but could be easily be coaxed out of it each time. Michael Gumstead's current patient was what most would consider a helpless case, and the more the usually dauntless Doctor Gumstead worked with him, the more he was starting to agree.
"We've been over this," he said. "It's yellow."
Doctor Gumstead put the crayon back into the box and pulled out a blue one.
"How about this one?" He asked.
"Blue." The patient replied.
"White," the doctor corrected, his sigh a bit more audible this time. The weather was undoubtedly contributing to his foul mood. He found himself wishing that time had ended yesterday when it was hot and sunny. Yesterday had been his day off and he spent much of it outside, revealing in the wonderfully intense, skin-charing heat; enjoying the suffocating sensation of his clothes fusing to his skin and prickly inch ravaging his crotch. The earthly incarnation of Heaven.
Today was the direct opposite; the air was crisp, cool and, worst of all, breathable and the sun was slightly obscured by clouds, denying him the pleasure of feeling the abrasive sun-rays burn through his eyes like fiery daggers. Instead, his surroundings were rendered disgustingly seeable while the slight chill in the air filled him with a loathsome feeling of life and vitality. Of course, the patient he was working with wasn't helping much either. It was funny how someone referred to as a "patient" could make you feel anything but.
This patient was strange in many ways; he was one of those that actually preferred the horrendous livable weather to the pleasantly soul-scorching days that every normal human being embraced full-heatedly. He was also a vegan as he considered the consumption of flesh and bodily fluids to be "kinda gross". Ironically, while he considered that gross, his diet consisted of plants; green things that sprouted from the dirt and contained neither blood nor mucus with okra being the only exception. The thought of such a diet made Doctor Gumstead physically ill.
In one of several unsuccessful attempts to bring the patient back into normality, he had offered him a bite of his ham sandwich and when the offer was inevitably declined, Michael, not being one to skirt around the issues, asked very plainly why. This conversation was what followed:
"I don't like meat."
"Why not?"
"It doesn't appeal to me."
"Let's not be vague; if I'm to help you, I must know more about your illness. Trust me."
"I don't even know what illness I have."
Michael had expected that. Few patients were able to accept their condition right off the bat.
"It's something you're going to have to face sometime or another and the longer you put it off, the more difficult it's going to be. Now why doesn't it appeal to you? I must insist on a straight answer."
The doctor's permission had evidently emboldened the patient to speak more candidly, "I find it more than a little gross. You're eating slices of someone's body."
"Is that any different from what you're eating? What's the difference between cutting the head off a cow and cutting off a head of lettuce?"
The patient was confused. It was evident in his reply--"Huh?"
The one saving grace of those with his disorder is that they are very easy to confuse.
"I’m examining the hypocrisy of your position; you find it disgusting to eat animal bodies but are fine with eating decaying plant bodies."
"I don't eat them when they're decaying," said the patient, elaborating his backward point of view.
"Plants do decay, do they not?" Gumstead insisted, eyeing his patient with fierce scrutiny.
"Yes, but I--"
"So you eat decaying plants,"
The patient started in stupidly at him, then opened his mouth as if to respond, then let his head drop to his chest, managing only a weak, "Sure."
Ah, progress.
"And meat decays too, so it’s essentially the same thing."
The patient raised his head slowly as if he were struggling with the weight of his own skull. Doctor Gumstead was slightly offended; what right did he have to be tired? If anyone had the right to be exhausted, it was the good doctor.
"Well," the patient began, "I guess it's because nature intended them to be eaten, by humans I mean--"
"And animals aren't?"
"Not when you get right down to it. When you consider that the seeds in fruit are--"
"Animals were meant to be eaten," doctor Gunstead interrupted, not willing to put up any more deluded ravings, "why else would they be marketed as food?"
"Profit," came the predictable answer. People with this condition held on to a paranoiac belief that corporations are run for the sake of a profit without necessarily being interested in the public's well being. This statement changed the topic of the discussion to being about life's imperfections and that was where doctor Gumstead hoped the conversation would lead as he had recently taken a vehement interest in spirituality; not organized religion, of course, which was just a celestial form of brainwashing, but real spirituality; the logical kind that respected the intelligence of the individual and worked for the betterment of mankind as a whole rather than a perverse desire to control others. It was rather unorthodox to treat a patient according to the spiritual teachings, but nothing else had worked so far so he gave it a try. He asked the patient about any personal problems he may have had in the past that might still be influencing his behavior today.
The patient pondered for a moment then said, "Well, back in--"
"NOOOOOOOO," Doctor Gumstead bellowed, "it only seeeeeeemed that way because of your negative perceeeeeeeeption."
"I didn't even tell yo--"
"You'rrrrrrre the ooooooooone who's respooooooooonsiblllllllllle for yoooou'rrrrre owwwwwwwwn experieeeeeeeeeeence," said Doctor Gumstead, proud of himself for having remembered to gratuitously elongate and emphasize nearly every word; an intricate part of any spiritual lecture, "The “pr-oooooblem” you thiiiiiiiink you had would neverrrrrrr have exiiiiiiiiisteeeeeed had you not acknooooowledged it in the firrrrrrrrst plaaaaaaaaaaaace!"
"You mean, I wouldn't have broken my leg skiing that day had I simply not noticed it?"
"Yes!" Doctor Gumstead almost shouted, astounded by his patient’s inability to figure out the obvious. Gumstead’s heart sank just a bit as he realised his mistake in letting the patient finish a sentence, which is as much of a taboo in the spiritual realm as logical consistency. This mistake at first prompted Doctor Gumstead to think that he was not yet ready to apply his spiritual lessons to everyday matters, but he quickly realized that centering advice on something you know little to nothing about is about the most spiritual thing one could do, so he knew he was on the right track.
The patient stared at him for a moment and finally said, "But how--?"
"You don't have to take such a hostile position," Doctor Gumstead said quickly, “not everything is an attack on you."
"I'm a little confused," the patient said, "How could I have noticed my injury before--"
"I’ll have to cut this session short," said Gunstead, "if you continue with that hostile tone."
"What hostility?" The patient demanded rather hostility, "I was simply pointing out illogicality of--"
"OK, so now you insulting me. It's little outbursts like that that got you sent here in the first place."
The outburst to which doctor Michael Gumstead had referred had taken place at the patient's place of employment. There he had questioned the need to update the "perfectly good" software of each company computer so that they would be more difficult to use. His employers tried their best to explain how the functional software was now well out of date, having been in existence for more than three minutes, whereas the update would needlessly complicate each task, thereby making them easier.
Somehow this logic, as sound as it was, didn't satisfy him and he briefly exposed his unstable mental condition with the decolonization that the explanation didn't "make sense", after which he proceeded into an incoherent rave about how newer wasn't inherently better, and how it “actually needed improve on something”.
Soon, the entire office had gathered around the post-patient to try and understand just want it was he was talking about. Needless to say, no one understood a thing. Everything he said made so much sense that knowone could make sense out of it.
His office manager had tried especially hard to comprehend his position, but every attempt at an explanation proved futile, difficulty in communication being another common symptom. Finally, the office manager--name of George--made him take the rest of the day off, believing that his inexplicable outburst of logic was merely exhaustion brought on by overwork.
His wife was the first to witness the full extent of her husband's insanity. It came when she asked him to fill up the bathtub for her and he did so, prompting him to wonder why he hadn't started making the enchiladas that she had requested for dinner and why he was pouring a bath so early in the evening. His perplexing response was as follows: "You told me to draw a bath."
The wife, Isabelle, replied, "But that wasn’t what I meant."
When he asked Isabelle why she didn't say what she meant, she backed up, slowly at first, then made a quick dash to the bedroom, where she locked herself inside and called the police.
Now here was Michael Gumstead--trying to reason with a man whom probably couldn't be reasoned with. Gumstead had started the case fully and enthusiastically embracing the challenge, but now it was getting to the point where he was starting to question his own sanity.
"You have been hostile to people," Gumstead insisted, "don't try to tell me otherwise. I know you are capable of hostility."
"Um, sure. So that means that I'm hostile in every instance of my life?"
"Yes!" Gumstead said excitedly; barley suppressing a mirthless laugh. He couldn't believe this really had to be explained; "You've been displayed copious amounts of hostility since you arrived here; with your relentless questions and endless scrutiny. Disputing my authority and undermining me at every turn!"
"Fine." The patient said, his voice sagging with fatigue. Like many mental disorders, this one often manifested itself physically; in many cases, the sufferer was always exhausted.
"We are allllllllllllll of one consciousness;" Gumstead said, "we are allllllllllll perfect! We are alllllllllll compleeeeeeeetelyyyyyyyyy equal!” Gumstead made sure to state how equal they were with the most smugly condescending tone and smile he could manage. It was always important for the spiritually evolved to let people know that they were just a little more completely equal than those they talk to; “but if I didn't teeeeeeeell yooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuu, what your thooooouuuuughts, feeliiiiiiiiiiiiings and intentioooooooooooons arrrrrrrrrre than hoooooooow would you ever knoooooooooow?"
"I'm sure I know my own thoughts, feelings and intentions." He was getting frustrated. A definite sign of hostility.
This time Gumstead didn't bother hiding his sigh at this poor, silly, deluded man as he pondered what he could say that would get through to him.
"Don't be so hostile." He said at last.
A week went by with no noticeable improvements. If anything, his hyper-sensitivity had gotten worse. When Doctor Gumstead was having his lunch, the patient in a fit of entitlement, ask if he could close his mouth when he chewed. Doctor Gumstead reacted by chewing louder; “In Norway, it’s considered a compliment to chew as loudly as possible,” he explained, “I’m not going to stop being polite just because you don’t like it.”
“It is not polite precisely because you know that I don’t like it!” Portested the patient.
Doctor Gumstead said with a tight smile that would seem patronizing to lesser sentient beings, but which was actually very evolved and free of the slightest hint of judgment; “what’s polite and what isn't doesn’t change to match your feelings. Politeness was invented to show respect. Respect, I will argue, is about the most important thing one human being can have for another; it’s the cornerstone of our civilization, and why shouldn’t it be? It helps to be courteous to those around us; to eliminate the potential tensions and live in harmony with those we encounter in our daily lives and with that in mind, I will force my respect upon you whether you like it or not!”
The patient slumped in his chair, his chin nearly reaching his chest. So damn dramatic. Doctor Gumstead as he rolled his eyes, making sure the patient saw it as that sometimes worked as a deterrent to further arguments; and he resumed eating his sandwich, making each chew louder than the last.
Within the next week, they had tried shock-therapy, past regression therapy and speaking in patronizing tones whenever he employed logic, and he had resisted it all. Doctor Gumstead had considered temporarily forgetting his compassionate nature and employing corporeal punishment, but he had always managed to resist this urge.
Michael Gumstead returned to work feeling an odd emotion comprised of being simultaneously fatigued and refreshed; he was fatigued for the most obvious reason: The patient. This would be the last day that he would work with him. They would go through the motions once more and then he write him off as a helpless case. Sadly, all the alternatives, much like Doctor Gumstead himself; had been exhausted. The simultaneous feeling of exuberance came from having had his opinion swayed by an interview he saw on television--they were interviewing the now very popular Narvada prosecutor, Christopher Butterfield, whom had just gotten a death sentence for a man who had strangled his wife to death with a phone cord.
The prosecutor was under fire by a small percentage of the public for organizing a celebration party when the verdict was announced; the party had shot glasses designed to look like syringes and a cake that in the form of a tombstone, pictures of which were proudly uploaded to Facebook as well as a video in which Mr. Butterfield, clad in a blond wig and formal blue dress, did a mocking impression of the condemned man's sister for the amusement of his guests. Some people, the family of the condemned included, questioned Mr. Butterfield's ethics. Doctor Gumstead counted himself among them; a prosecutor who would stoop so low couldn't be any better than the man he helped put on death-row. Still, he listened attentively while the prosecutor made his case; "I showed the offender exactly the same amount of mercy he showed his victim." Butterfield had said, "if you want to say I'm crass and maybe a little callous because of the way I conducted myself at a private party, fine. Just keep in mind how callous it was for that vermin to coldly and meticulously wrap a phone cord around Ms. Stratten's neck and squeeze until all the life drained from her body while she struggled helpless and frightened. I'll bet the Stratten family are suffering too, but nobody cares about them.” At this moment the prosecutor who had stood so strong and firm began to lose his equanimity. Tears started to pour down his cheeks. ”I guess I just care too much about life!" he bawled.
The more parallels Christopher Butterfield drew between himself and the scum he had put on death row, the more Doctor Gumstead came to realized that he had misjudged the noble prosecutor. And Chris Butterfield really was right; no victims of violent crimes had ever gotten any sympathy or recognition. He knew this was true because the TV networks and radio were always telling him about how the victims were never acknowledged and Christopher Butterfield was just trying to change that. Gumstead decided that the prosecutor was a good guy after all, and his impression wasn’t half bad either. Doctor Gumstead felt good in knowing that he had been proved wrong. He liked knowing that he was never too wise to learn.
The doctor entered the small chilly room where the patient was waiting. The patient looked the way the doctor felt; haggard, exhausted and eager to get the day over with. Doctor Gumstead produced a purple crayon from his pocket. "What color is this?" He asked in a dismal monotone.
"Orange." Said the patient.
Doctor Gumstead reached for the next crayon then stopped. He wasn't sure what he had just heard so he asked again and this time got "Green". Gumstead looked at the crayon and he looked at the patient his sense of hope suddenly renewed for the first time in months. Excitedly he produced a green crayon--"Brown."
I’ll be damned! Though Doctor Gumstead, I will be DAMNED!
The breakthrough that he had been hoping for, but thought unobtainable had been reached! Gumstead couldn’t hide his excitement. He was vibrated in his chair and grinned like a rambunctious child as he produced an orange crayon--"No color," the patient said, "it's transparent."
Doctor Gumstead jumped from his seat and shouted something to the equivalent of “Yahoooooo!” Had he been wearing a hat, he would have grabbed it from his head and beaten it against the side of his pants. He called up Mr. Mondale, the head of the hospital, and asked him to come down as soon as he could.
"Which way is up?" Asked Gumstead.
"Down." The patient responded.
"Which way is left?" Asked Gumstead.
"Right." The patient responded.
"When is today?" Gumstead asked.
"Yesterday;" the patient responded, "today was already tomorrow."
“How would you describe a Caroline?” asked doctor Gumstead.
“A beautiful name for a beautiful person.” the patient said.
It was at that point when doctor Gumstead began nudging Mr. Mondale in the ribs while saying, "Huh? Huh?"
Mr. Mondale was impressed. He gave doctor Gumstead a firm handshake and enthusiastic congratulations. Then, just for the hell of it, a hug and a big sloppy kiss on the cheek.
And he wasn't even Italian!
The following week, they brought the patient in to meet with the country's foremost experts on human psychology and show them the results . After performing a series of cartwheels, backflips and aerial somersaults in an uncontrollably robust display of enthusiasm, they agreed that the patient; a David Miller from Nederland Colorado, was finally ready to be reintroduced to the outside world.
Doctor Gumstead wished David Miller luck and sent him on his way. For the next couple months, doctor Gumstead would respond to every mention of the word "hero" with an embarrassed smile and a modest shake of his head. "I just did my job." he would say, "I was on the verge of giving up, but then I got lucky."
Still, Michael Gumstead would have been lying if he said that he didn't feel some sense of pride as he watched David Miller walk backwards through the gates of the institution with his backpack wrapped around his chest and his eyes staring directly into the mid-afternoon sun.
"Once this man had been a mental defect," doctor Gumstead thought to himself, "but I made fit for normal society."
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Do You Have Orthorexia or Just Eating Healthy?
What Is Orthorexia?
Have you heard of orthorexia? Do you consider yourself orthorexic because you eat healthy and avoid certain foods? Or is it “normal” to eat healthy, and still not want to eat certain foods?
Let’s explore…
Orthorexia 101:
Orthorexia, the “obsession with healthy eating,” is a classified eating disorder according to the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders).
It is defined as: “an obsession with eating foods that one considers healthy; a medical condition in which the sufferer systematically avoids specific foods in the belief that they are harmful.”
Like those with other eating disorders, individuals who struggle with orthorexia often find themselves a little bit obsessed, anxious or overthinking food on a daily basis.
However, sounds quite a bit like those who are on any current diet or health protocol to recover their health doesn’t it?
From the Whole 30, to Keto, Vegan, GAPS, the Autoimmune Protocol, Paleo—and everything in between—many individuals who adhere to certain diets for health and wellness reasons can easily find themselves a little bit obsessed or anxious as well with food.
The lines may blur, but there are distinct differences:
ORTHOREXIC VS. HEALTHY EATING: THE DIFFERENCE
Some examples and characteristic differences in orthorexic patterns vs. genuine healthy eating include:
ORTHOREXIA
Research every ingredient in any food they eat
Google search answers to random health questions in search of the healthiest answer
Often have self-imposed rules (from multiple different sources online or experience) that construct a restrictive diet
Increasingly become more and more restrictive
May only eat 5-7 foods and tend to eat the same things every day
Emotionally distraught if food does not go as planned or in unknown situations (social settings, new restaurants, travel)
Feel guilty when stray from rules
Avoid foods prepped by others and/or social situations with food
Find a sense of achievement or self esteem in what they eat
Often talk or obsess about foods
Think critically about others who do not eat like they do
Overtraining or rigid/routine exercise is often correlated
Strong beliefs about “good” and “bad” foods
HEALTHY EATING
Adhere to certain dietary guidelines, based on physical health reasons
Not distraught if they can’t go to their restaurant of choice
Open to trying new foods (especially if they are feel-good foods)
Recognize that eating can’t always be perfect, and adhere to more of an 80/20 philosophy
Aim to incorporate as much variety and different foods as they can
May feel nervous about travel or eating out, but do best to plan accordingly and adjust
Self-esteem is not dependent on what they do or don’t eat
Move their bodies in ways that feel good and energize them (not out of rigidity or militant beliefs they “should”)
Instead of labeling foods as “good” or “bad,” views foods as “better for me foods,” and “don’t make me feel my best,” foods
While this list is generalized and broad, at best, I know of both because I’ve lived it.
MY STORY: FROM ORTHOREXIA TO GUT HEALING & THE IN-BETWEEN
Been there, got the t-shirt. On both sides.
As I initially began to recover from anorexia at age 17, I quickly found myself immersed in another type of eating disorder—orthorexia—in my pursuit of the “ideal body,” and being on the cover of a fitness magazine.
My diet was restricted to turkey patties, steamed vegetables, Crystal Light and protein shakes, and my schedule revolved around my three workouts every day.
Fast forward to my recovery, and my pursuit of my education in nutrition and functional medicine and as I began to learn more about the underlying health conditions I had struggled with for years (constipation, autoimmune disease, anxiety, hormone imbalances), my personal food philosophies began to shift.
“Food is medicine” became my mantra, and food began to take on a whole new meaning—a way to restore my body. Organ meats, cold-water fatty fish, nutrient-dense dark leafy greens, bone broth and grass-fed butter energized me! And I loved how actually nourishing my body with a variety of real foods and gut healing foods (fermented foods, etc.) made me feel!
While there was also brief lapse of time during my nutrition training that I ALSO fell back into my old orthorexia ways of fearing “unhealthy” or “bad” foods (i.e. I became a little too obsessed with gut healing, and hacking my diet with certain diet philosophies like GAPS and SCD), I “woke up” from this obsession quickly when I realized all the stress about food was actually making my own digestive issues worse (not better).
(Stress is the #1 driver of all disease and imbalance).
To say the least, I went from the dark side, to the light side, and have realized, it’s NOT bad to want to feel good or to take the best care of your body. Food intolerances, gut conditions, autoimmune conditions, skin breakouts, hormone imbalances, anxiety and beyond are real, (and your nutrition can be a game-changer for healing), but they do NOT have to dominate your own well-being inside and out.
GUT HEALING & HEALTHY EATING GONE OVERBOARD: ARFID
ARFID—Avoidant restrictive food intake disorder—is a common “phenomenon” many individuals experience on a gut healing or body healing diet.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of fearing what food will “do to you” when your diet becomes restrictive for health reasons.
Labels aside, ARFID or Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder is a silent “eating disorder,” many people are not talking about in the health, wellness or functional medicine community. Primarily because the main goal of treatment is to help you feel better physically.
However, in the case of ARFID, your diet becomes so restricted that you may experience many symptoms similar to orthorexia—particularly emotional angst about food, primarily because you “can’t” eat eating. The stress over food itself may even exacerbate or extend your healing process.
Common symptoms of ARFID include:
COMMON SYMPTOMS
You lack variety in your diet
You fear how foods make you feel
You wrap your identity in what you eat
You know ALL the protocols in the book (GAPS, SCD, AIP, etc.)
You’re HYPER AWARE of how food makes you feel
You get sick when you eat out
NOTHING seems to change how you feel
You read EVERYTHING on Google about your condition
You’ve tried countless protocols.
You have low energy
You rarely feel hunger/fullness cues
You get easily weepy or have pent up emotions
You try to “forget” you are sick but feel trapped
You tend to be a perfectionist or Type-A personality
WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT: ARFID & ORTHOREXIA SUPPORT & HEALING OPTIONS
To date, there are not a ton of resources or support options for individuals in recovery from ARFID or Orthorexia—primarily because many clinicians steer clear from eating disorder support in general, as well as due to the HUGE emphasis on healthy and clean eating and dieting by and large.
As the diabetes and obesity epidemics only continue to escalate (currently 1 in 3 Americans), the emphasis from many professionals in healthcare focuses on “leading a healthier lifestyle” in general.
“What’s so bad about eating more greens, running
DECLARE FOOD FREEDOM
While formal treatment options may be far and few between, working with a skilled practitioner one-on-one in the areas of nutrition, mental and emotional health, and body healing can be “game changing” for your relationship with food.
Here are a handful of principles I teach my clients in my clinical practice to help them overcome their orthorexic tendencies and declare food freedom.
Have a “DTR” with Your Food
“DTR” stands for “determining the relationship.” In a romantic relationship, it’s the conversation you have with your significant other about your relationship status—are you all “on” or “off.” Together? Dating? Friends with benefits?
You need to do the same thing with your relationship with food. DTR is all about knowing your WHY—why you eat what you eat, as well as your what—what your beliefs or philosophy about food really is (and exploring where that came from in the first place).
For instance, one of my personal food philosophies for how I eat is based on the principles of an anti-inflammatory diet. WHY? Because I have an autoimmune disease, and autoimmune disease genetics, thus if and when I eat certain foods that are more inflammatory to my body, like nuts, grains and eggs, I not only feel awful physically (constipation, bloating, nauseas), but I also flare my conditions more (IBS/IBD and even skin breakouts). It’s not that I don’t like these foods, but my “why” behind eating less of them is based on how my body reacts and feels.
Another food philosophy of mine is to have NO food rules or food labels! This “why” stems back to the 15 years I spent entrenched in following every diet under the sun! And this “why” is what helps keep me sane from even dabbling in any mainstream hyped diet philosophy (be it Keto, Intermittent Fasting, Atkins or Vegan). I don’t label how I eat as anything more than “real food” and base what goes in my body on how my body feels, as well as mindfulness with needing a VARIETY of nutrient-dense foods.
In the reverse, a FORMER food philosophy of mine was ALL ABOUT labels, and rules, and calorie counting obsessions. At one time, my goal was less than 500 calories per day, and less than 0.5 grams of fat (how absurd, right?!). At the time though, I totally thought this was what I “should” do—my “why” was all about checking off boxes of food rules and my ultimate goal (weight loss).
What are some of your personal food philosophies you currently follow (and WHY do you believe or adhere to them)?
As If Mindset
Once you have an idea of your current relationship with food and your food philosophy, now you get to think about what kind of relationship you want with food!
Do you want to be controlled and dictated by what you can and can’t eat—such as worrying or feeling anxious about going out to eat with friends or traveling on vacation?
Or do you want to fuel your body to the best of your abilities with foods that make you feel BEST, but when and if you can’t do so, be able to adjust accordingly?
I call this the “as if” mindset. So as we think, therefore we become. Envision how healthy, thriving, truly healthy (inside and out) you approaches food in any and all situations:
Travel
Dining out
At the grocery store
Packing your lunch
Making dinner
Get a clear picture of what healthy, thriving you looks like, acts like, talks like, treats her body like, and then…act accordingly.
Make Your Own Rules
Rules were made to be broken, and when it comes to food rules, I encourage all my clients to make their own (new) recovered, healthy, thriving rules for vibrancy and freedom that buck the system or their former beliefs that were wrapped in fear, worry, angst, or overthinking food.
In turn, your new “rules” aren’t actually rules at all, but more like mantras—declarations for the healthy relationship you want with food and your body.
For instance, in my own recovery and continued healing journey with food, my rules or mantras became:
“No diets.”
“Listen to your body.”
“Know your truth.” (i.e. what is disordered vs. healthy mindset me)
“Eat out of love, not fear.”
You get the picture. Erase the old rules from your brain.
Abundance Mindset
What CAN you eat, versus what CAN’T you eat?
There are hundreds of foods in the world, and often times in the midst of gut healing or “clean eating” protocols, it can be EASY to get stuck on your “CAN’T” list or “I DON’T EAT ___” list.
Aim for the LEAST RESTRICTIVE approach as possible, and eat with an “abundance” mindset.
Vary it Up
Along with abundance, variety is the spice of life, and when we eat the same things day in and day out, not only do we deprive our bodies of essential nutrients, but we also dumb down our palate (i.e. “boring” foods).
Aim for 2-3 different colors at each meal to keep things fresh, and while you’re at it, simply try different herbs, seasonings and spices to enhance flavor, continually challenge and fire up your tastebuds, and boost nutrients too.
Check out this “rainbow” food chart (scroll to the bottom) by nutritionist Deanna Minich to see how different colors and variety enhances our bodies, beyond just giving us “antioxidants.”
Eat Out of Love, Not Fear
Simply put: How can you eat out of love for your body, then eating (or not eating) based on food fears?
Bonus: when we eat out of love (and have more peace with food), we actually can even enhance our digestion for the better (stress and cortisol inhibits optimal digestion).
THE BOTTOM LINE
Healthy eating or clean eating is NOT a bad thing. It all comes down to your mindset.
Want support in overcoming orthorexic or ARFID tendencies? Or looking to heal your gut, hormones, or other health condition without a crazy diet mentality or restrictive approach?
Let’s connect. Contact me at DrLauryn.com/Work-with-Me and apply to be a client today (Bonus: a 10-minute Complimentary Consult is included for all accepted applicants).
The post Do You Have Orthorexia or Just Eating Healthy? appeared first on Meet Dr. Lauryn.
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Do You Have Orthorexia or Just Eating Healthy?
What Is Orthorexia?
Have you heard of orthorexia? Do you consider yourself orthorexic because you eat healthy and avoid certain foods? Or is it “normal” to eat healthy, and still not want to eat certain foods?
Let’s explore…
Orthorexia 101:
Orthorexia, the “obsession with healthy eating,” is a classified eating disorder according to the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders).
It is defined as: “an obsession with eating foods that one considers healthy; a medical condition in which the sufferer systematically avoids specific foods in the belief that they are harmful.”
Like those with other eating disorders, individuals who struggle with orthorexia often find themselves a little bit obsessed, anxious or overthinking food on a daily basis.
However, sounds quite a bit like those who are on any current diet or health protocol to recover their health doesn’t it?
From the Whole 30, to Keto, Vegan, GAPS, the Autoimmune Protocol, Paleo—and everything in between—many individuals who adhere to certain diets for health and wellness reasons can easily find themselves a little bit obsessed or anxious as well with food.
The lines may blur, but there are distinct differences:
ORTHOREXIC VS. HEALTHY EATING: THE DIFFERENCE
Some examples and characteristic differences in orthorexic patterns vs. genuine healthy eating include:
ORTHOREXIA
Research every ingredient in any food they eat
Google search answers to random health questions in search of the healthiest answer
Often have self-imposed rules (from multiple different sources online or experience) that construct a restrictive diet
Increasingly become more and more restrictive
May only eat 5-7 foods and tend to eat the same things every day
Emotionally distraught if food does not go as planned or in unknown situations (social settings, new restaurants, travel)
Feel guilty when stray from rules
Avoid foods prepped by others and/or social situations with food
Find a sense of achievement or self esteem in what they eat
Often talk or obsess about foods
Think critically about others who do not eat like they do
Overtraining or rigid/routine exercise is often correlated
Strong beliefs about “good” and “bad” foods
HEALTHY EATING
Adhere to certain dietary guidelines, based on physical health reasons
Not distraught if they can’t go to their restaurant of choice
Open to trying new foods (especially if they are feel-good foods)
Recognize that eating can’t always be perfect, and adhere to more of an 80/20 philosophy
Aim to incorporate as much variety and different foods as they can
May feel nervous about travel or eating out, but do best to plan accordingly and adjust
Self-esteem is not dependent on what they do or don’t eat
Move their bodies in ways that feel good and energize them (not out of rigidity or militant beliefs they “should”)
Instead of labeling foods as “good” or “bad,” views foods as “better for me foods,” and “don’t make me feel my best,” foods
While this list is generalized and broad, at best, I know of both because I’ve lived it.
MY STORY: FROM ORTHOREXIA TO GUT HEALING & THE IN-BETWEEN
Been there, got the t-shirt. On both sides.
As I initially began to recover from anorexia at age 17, I quickly found myself immersed in another type of eating disorder—orthorexia—in my pursuit of the “ideal body,” and being on the cover of a fitness magazine.
My diet was restricted to turkey patties, steamed vegetables, Crystal Light and protein shakes, and my schedule revolved around my three workouts every day.
Fast forward to my recovery, and my pursuit of my education in nutrition and functional medicine and as I began to learn more about the underlying health conditions I had struggled with for years (constipation, autoimmune disease, anxiety, hormone imbalances), my personal food philosophies began to shift.
“Food is medicine” became my mantra, and food began to take on a whole new meaning—a way to restore my body. Organ meats, cold-water fatty fish, nutrient-dense dark leafy greens, bone broth and grass-fed butter energized me! And I loved how actually nourishing my body with a variety of real foods and gut healing foods (fermented foods, etc.) made me feel!
While there was also brief lapse of time during my nutrition training that I ALSO fell back into my old orthorexia ways of fearing “unhealthy” or “bad” foods (i.e. I became a little too obsessed with gut healing, and hacking my diet with certain diet philosophies like GAPS and SCD), I “woke up” from this obsession quickly when I realized all the stress about food was actually making my own digestive issues worse (not better).
(Stress is the #1 driver of all disease and imbalance).
To say the least, I went from the dark side, to the light side, and have realized, it’s NOT bad to want to feel good or to take the best care of your body. Food intolerances, gut conditions, autoimmune conditions, skin breakouts, hormone imbalances, anxiety and beyond are real, (and your nutrition can be a game-changer for healing), but they do NOT have to dominate your own well-being inside and out.
GUT HEALING & HEALTHY EATING GONE OVERBOARD: ARFID
ARFID—Avoidant restrictive food intake disorder—is a common “phenomenon” many individuals experience on a gut healing or body healing diet.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of fearing what food will “do to you” when your diet becomes restrictive for health reasons.
Labels aside, ARFID or Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder is a silent “eating disorder,” many people are not talking about in the health, wellness or functional medicine community. Primarily because the main goal of treatment is to help you feel better physically.
However, in the case of ARFID, your diet becomes so restricted that you may experience many symptoms similar to orthorexia—particularly emotional angst about food, primarily because you “can’t” eat eating. The stress over food itself may even exacerbate or extend your healing process.
Common symptoms of ARFID include:
COMMON SYMPTOMS
You lack variety in your diet
You fear how foods make you feel
You wrap your identity in what you eat
You know ALL the protocols in the book (GAPS, SCD, AIP, etc.)
You’re HYPER AWARE of how food makes you feel
You get sick when you eat out
NOTHING seems to change how you feel
You read EVERYTHING on Google about your condition
You’ve tried countless protocols.
You have low energy
You rarely feel hunger/fullness cues
You get easily weepy or have pent up emotions
You try to “forget” you are sick but feel trapped
You tend to be a perfectionist or Type-A personality
WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT: ARFID & ORTHOREXIA SUPPORT & HEALING OPTIONS
To date, there are not a ton of resources or support options for individuals in recovery from ARFID or Orthorexia—primarily because many clinicians steer clear from eating disorder support in general, as well as due to the HUGE emphasis on healthy and clean eating and dieting by and large.
As the diabetes and obesity epidemics only continue to escalate (currently 1 in 3 Americans), the emphasis from many professionals in healthcare focuses on “leading a healthier lifestyle” in general.
“What’s so bad about eating more greens, running
DECLARE FOOD FREEDOM
While formal treatment options may be far and few between, working with a skilled practitioner one-on-one in the areas of nutrition, mental and emotional health, and body healing can be “game changing” for your relationship with food.
Here are a handful of principles I teach my clients in my clinical practice to help them overcome their orthorexic tendencies and declare food freedom.
Have a “DTR” with Your Food
“DTR” stands for “determining the relationship.” In a romantic relationship, it’s the conversation you have with your significant other about your relationship status—are you all “on” or “off.” Together? Dating? Friends with benefits?
You need to do the same thing with your relationship with food. DTR is all about knowing your WHY—why you eat what you eat, as well as your what—what your beliefs or philosophy about food really is (and exploring where that came from in the first place).
For instance, one of my personal food philosophies for how I eat is based on the principles of an anti-inflammatory diet. WHY? Because I have an autoimmune disease, and autoimmune disease genetics, thus if and when I eat certain foods that are more inflammatory to my body, like nuts, grains and eggs, I not only feel awful physically (constipation, bloating, nauseas), but I also flare my conditions more (IBS/IBD and even skin breakouts). It’s not that I don’t like these foods, but my “why” behind eating less of them is based on how my body reacts and feels.
Another food philosophy of mine is to have NO food rules or food labels! This “why” stems back to the 15 years I spent entrenched in following every diet under the sun! And this “why” is what helps keep me sane from even dabbling in any mainstream hyped diet philosophy (be it Keto, Intermittent Fasting, Atkins or Vegan). I don’t label how I eat as anything more than “real food” and base what goes in my body on how my body feels, as well as mindfulness with needing a VARIETY of nutrient-dense foods.
In the reverse, a FORMER food philosophy of mine was ALL ABOUT labels, and rules, and calorie counting obsessions. At one time, my goal was less than 500 calories per day, and less than 0.5 grams of fat (how absurd, right?!). At the time though, I totally thought this was what I “should” do—my “why” was all about checking off boxes of food rules and my ultimate goal (weight loss).
What are some of your personal food philosophies you currently follow (and WHY do you believe or adhere to them)?
As If Mindset
Once you have an idea of your current relationship with food and your food philosophy, now you get to think about what kind of relationship you want with food!
Do you want to be controlled and dictated by what you can and can’t eat—such as worrying or feeling anxious about going out to eat with friends or traveling on vacation?
Or do you want to fuel your body to the best of your abilities with foods that make you feel BEST, but when and if you can’t do so, be able to adjust accordingly?
I call this the “as if” mindset. So as we think, therefore we become. Envision how healthy, thriving, truly healthy (inside and out) you approaches food in any and all situations:
Travel
Dining out
At the grocery store
Packing your lunch
Making dinner
Get a clear picture of what healthy, thriving you looks like, acts like, talks like, treats her body like, and then…act accordingly.
Make Your Own Rules
Rules were made to be broken, and when it comes to food rules, I encourage all my clients to make their own (new) recovered, healthy, thriving rules for vibrancy and freedom that buck the system or their former beliefs that were wrapped in fear, worry, angst, or overthinking food.
In turn, your new “rules” aren’t actually rules at all, but more like mantras—declarations for the healthy relationship you want with food and your body.
For instance, in my own recovery and continued healing journey with food, my rules or mantras became:
“No diets.”
“Listen to your body.”
“Know your truth.” (i.e. what is disordered vs. healthy mindset me)
“Eat out of love, not fear.”
You get the picture. Erase the old rules from your brain.
Abundance Mindset
What CAN you eat, versus what CAN’T you eat?
There are hundreds of foods in the world, and often times in the midst of gut healing or “clean eating” protocols, it can be EASY to get stuck on your “CAN’T” list or “I DON’T EAT ___” list.
Aim for the LEAST RESTRICTIVE approach as possible, and eat with an “abundance” mindset.
Vary it Up
Along with abundance, variety is the spice of life, and when we eat the same things day in and day out, not only do we deprive our bodies of essential nutrients, but we also dumb down our palate (i.e. “boring” foods).
Aim for 2-3 different colors at each meal to keep things fresh, and while you’re at it, simply try different herbs, seasonings and spices to enhance flavor, continually challenge and fire up your tastebuds, and boost nutrients too.
Check out this “rainbow” food chart (scroll to the bottom) by nutritionist Deanna Minich to see how different colors and variety enhances our bodies, beyond just giving us “antioxidants.”
Eat Out of Love, Not Fear
Simply put: How can you eat out of love for your body, then eating (or not eating) based on food fears?
Bonus: when we eat out of love (and have more peace with food), we actually can even enhance our digestion for the better (stress and cortisol inhibits optimal digestion).
THE BOTTOM LINE
Healthy eating or clean eating is NOT a bad thing. It all comes down to your mindset.
Want support in overcoming orthorexic or ARFID tendencies? Or looking to heal your gut, hormones, or other health condition without a crazy diet mentality or restrictive approach?
Let’s connect. Contact me at DrLauryn.com/Work-with-Me and apply to be a client today (Bonus: a 10-minute Complimentary Consult is included for all accepted applicants).
The post Do You Have Orthorexia or Just Eating Healthy? appeared first on Meet Dr. Lauryn.
Source/Repost=>
https://drlauryn.com/food-freedom/do-you-have-orthorexia-or-just-eating-healthy/ ** Dr. Lauryn Lax __Nutrition. Therapy. Functional Medicine ** https://drlauryn.com/
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Do You Have Orthorexia or Just Eating Healthy?
What Is Orthorexia?
Have you heard of orthorexia? Do you consider yourself orthorexic because you eat healthy and avoid certain foods? Or is it “normal” to eat healthy, and still not want to eat certain foods?
Let’s explore…
Orthorexia 101:
Orthorexia, the “obsession with healthy eating,” is a classified eating disorder according to the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders).
It is defined as: “an obsession with eating foods that one considers healthy; a medical condition in which the sufferer systematically avoids specific foods in the belief that they are harmful.”
Like those with other eating disorders, individuals who struggle with orthorexia often find themselves a little bit obsessed, anxious or overthinking food on a daily basis.
However, sounds quite a bit like those who are on any current diet or health protocol to recover their health doesn’t it?
From the Whole 30, to Keto, Vegan, GAPS, the Autoimmune Protocol, Paleo—and everything in between—many individuals who adhere to certain diets for health and wellness reasons can easily find themselves a little bit obsessed or anxious as well with food.
The lines may blur, but there are distinct differences:
ORTHOREXIC VS. HEALTHY EATING: THE DIFFERENCE
Some examples and characteristic differences in orthorexic patterns vs. genuine healthy eating include:
ORTHOREXIA
Research every ingredient in any food they eat
Google search answers to random health questions in search of the healthiest answer
Often have self-imposed rules (from multiple different sources online or experience) that construct a restrictive diet
Increasingly become more and more restrictive
May only eat 5-7 foods and tend to eat the same things every day
Emotionally distraught if food does not go as planned or in unknown situations (social settings, new restaurants, travel)
Feel guilty when stray from rules
Avoid foods prepped by others and/or social situations with food
Find a sense of achievement or self esteem in what they eat
Often talk or obsess about foods
Think critically about others who do not eat like they do
Overtraining or rigid/routine exercise is often correlated
Strong beliefs about “good” and “bad” foods
HEALTHY EATING
Adhere to certain dietary guidelines, based on physical health reasons
Not distraught if they can’t go to their restaurant of choice
Open to trying new foods (especially if they are feel-good foods)
Recognize that eating can’t always be perfect, and adhere to more of an 80/20 philosophy
Aim to incorporate as much variety and different foods as they can
May feel nervous about travel or eating out, but do best to plan accordingly and adjust
Self-esteem is not dependent on what they do or don’t eat
Move their bodies in ways that feel good and energize them (not out of rigidity or militant beliefs they “should”)
Instead of labeling foods as “good” or “bad,” views foods as “better for me foods,” and “don’t make me feel my best,” foods
While this list is generalized and broad, at best, I know of both because I’ve lived it.
MY STORY: FROM ORTHOREXIA TO GUT HEALING & THE IN-BETWEEN
Been there, got the t-shirt. On both sides.
As I initially began to recover from anorexia at age 17, I quickly found myself immersed in another type of eating disorder—orthorexia—in my pursuit of the “ideal body,” and being on the cover of a fitness magazine.
My diet was restricted to turkey patties, steamed vegetables, Crystal Light and protein shakes, and my schedule revolved around my three workouts every day.
Fast forward to my recovery, and my pursuit of my education in nutrition and functional medicine and as I began to learn more about the underlying health conditions I had struggled with for years (constipation, autoimmune disease, anxiety, hormone imbalances), my personal food philosophies began to shift.
“Food is medicine” became my mantra, and food began to take on a whole new meaning—a way to restore my body. Organ meats, cold-water fatty fish, nutrient-dense dark leafy greens, bone broth and grass-fed butter energized me! And I loved how actually nourishing my body with a variety of real foods and gut healing foods (fermented foods, etc.) made me feel!
While there was also brief lapse of time during my nutrition training that I ALSO fell back into my old orthorexia ways of fearing “unhealthy” or “bad” foods (i.e. I became a little too obsessed with gut healing, and hacking my diet with certain diet philosophies like GAPS and SCD), I “woke up” from this obsession quickly when I realized all the stress about food was actually making my own digestive issues worse (not better).
(Stress is the #1 driver of all disease and imbalance).
To say the least, I went from the dark side, to the light side, and have realized, it’s NOT bad to want to feel good or to take the best care of your body. Food intolerances, gut conditions, autoimmune conditions, skin breakouts, hormone imbalances, anxiety and beyond are real, (and your nutrition can be a game-changer for healing), but they do NOT have to dominate your own well-being inside and out.
GUT HEALING & HEALTHY EATING GONE OVERBOARD: ARFID
ARFID—Avoidant restrictive food intake disorder—is a common “phenomenon” many individuals experience on a gut healing or body healing diet.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of fearing what food will “do to you” when your diet becomes restrictive for health reasons.
Labels aside, ARFID or Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder is a silent “eating disorder,” many people are not talking about in the health, wellness or functional medicine community. Primarily because the main goal of treatment is to help you feel better physically.
However, in the case of ARFID, your diet becomes so restricted that you may experience many symptoms similar to orthorexia—particularly emotional angst about food, primarily because you “can’t” eat eating. The stress over food itself may even exacerbate or extend your healing process.
Common symptoms of ARFID include:
COMMON SYMPTOMS
You lack variety in your diet
You fear how foods make you feel
You wrap your identity in what you eat
You know ALL the protocols in the book (GAPS, SCD, AIP, etc.)
You’re HYPER AWARE of how food makes you feel
You get sick when you eat out
NOTHING seems to change how you feel
You read EVERYTHING on Google about your condition
You’ve tried countless protocols.
You have low energy
You rarely feel hunger/fullness cues
You get easily weepy or have pent up emotions
You try to “forget” you are sick but feel trapped
You tend to be a perfectionist or Type-A personality
WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT: ARFID & ORTHOREXIA SUPPORT & HEALING OPTIONS
To date, there are not a ton of resources or support options for individuals in recovery from ARFID or Orthorexia—primarily because many clinicians steer clear from eating disorder support in general, as well as due to the HUGE emphasis on healthy and clean eating and dieting by and large.
As the diabetes and obesity epidemics only continue to escalate (currently 1 in 3 Americans), the emphasis from many professionals in healthcare focuses on “leading a healthier lifestyle” in general.
“What’s so bad about eating more greens, running
DECLARE FOOD FREEDOM
While formal treatment options may be far and few between, working with a skilled practitioner one-on-one in the areas of nutrition, mental and emotional health, and body healing can be “game changing” for your relationship with food.
Here are a handful of principles I teach my clients in my clinical practice to help them overcome their orthorexic tendencies and declare food freedom.
Have a “DTR” with Your Food
“DTR” stands for “determining the relationship.” In a romantic relationship, it’s the conversation you have with your significant other about your relationship status—are you all “on” or “off.” Together? Dating? Friends with benefits?
You need to do the same thing with your relationship with food. DTR is all about knowing your WHY—why you eat what you eat, as well as your what—what your beliefs or philosophy about food really is (and exploring where that came from in the first place).
For instance, one of my personal food philosophies for how I eat is based on the principles of an anti-inflammatory diet. WHY? Because I have an autoimmune disease, and autoimmune disease genetics, thus if and when I eat certain foods that are more inflammatory to my body, like nuts, grains and eggs, I not only feel awful physically (constipation, bloating, nauseas), but I also flare my conditions more (IBS/IBD and even skin breakouts). It’s not that I don’t like these foods, but my “why” behind eating less of them is based on how my body reacts and feels.
Another food philosophy of mine is to have NO food rules or food labels! This “why” stems back to the 15 years I spent entrenched in following every diet under the sun! And this “why” is what helps keep me sane from even dabbling in any mainstream hyped diet philosophy (be it Keto, Intermittent Fasting, Atkins or Vegan). I don’t label how I eat as anything more than “real food” and base what goes in my body on how my body feels, as well as mindfulness with needing a VARIETY of nutrient-dense foods.
In the reverse, a FORMER food philosophy of mine was ALL ABOUT labels, and rules, and calorie counting obsessions. At one time, my goal was less than 500 calories per day, and less than 0.5 grams of fat (how absurd, right?!). At the time though, I totally thought this was what I “should” do—my “why” was all about checking off boxes of food rules and my ultimate goal (weight loss).
What are some of your personal food philosophies you currently follow (and WHY do you believe or adhere to them)?
As If Mindset
Once you have an idea of your current relationship with food and your food philosophy, now you get to think about what kind of relationship you want with food!
Do you want to be controlled and dictated by what you can and can’t eat—such as worrying or feeling anxious about going out to eat with friends or traveling on vacation?
Or do you want to fuel your body to the best of your abilities with foods that make you feel BEST, but when and if you can’t do so, be able to adjust accordingly?
I call this the “as if” mindset. So as we think, therefore we become. Envision how healthy, thriving, truly healthy (inside and out) you approaches food in any and all situations:
Travel
Dining out
At the grocery store
Packing your lunch
Making dinner
Get a clear picture of what healthy, thriving you looks like, acts like, talks like, treats her body like, and then…act accordingly.
Make Your Own Rules
Rules were made to be broken, and when it comes to food rules, I encourage all my clients to make their own (new) recovered, healthy, thriving rules for vibrancy and freedom that buck the system or their former beliefs that were wrapped in fear, worry, angst, or overthinking food.
In turn, your new “rules” aren’t actually rules at all, but more like mantras—declarations for the healthy relationship you want with food and your body.
For instance, in my own recovery and continued healing journey with food, my rules or mantras became:
“No diets.”
“Listen to your body.”
“Know your truth.” (i.e. what is disordered vs. healthy mindset me)
“Eat out of love, not fear.”
You get the picture. Erase the old rules from your brain.
Abundance Mindset
What CAN you eat, versus what CAN’T you eat?
There are hundreds of foods in the world, and often times in the midst of gut healing or “clean eating” protocols, it can be EASY to get stuck on your “CAN’T” list or “I DON’T EAT ___” list.
Aim for the LEAST RESTRICTIVE approach as possible, and eat with an “abundance” mindset.
Vary it Up
Along with abundance, variety is the spice of life, and when we eat the same things day in and day out, not only do we deprive our bodies of essential nutrients, but we also dumb down our palate (i.e. “boring” foods).
Aim for 2-3 different colors at each meal to keep things fresh, and while you’re at it, simply try different herbs, seasonings and spices to enhance flavor, continually challenge and fire up your tastebuds, and boost nutrients too.
Check out this “rainbow” food chart (scroll to the bottom) by nutritionist Deanna Minich to see how different colors and variety enhances our bodies, beyond just giving us “antioxidants.”
Eat Out of Love, Not Fear
Simply put: How can you eat out of love for your body, then eating (or not eating) based on food fears?
Bonus: when we eat out of love (and have more peace with food), we actually can even enhance our digestion for the better (stress and cortisol inhibits optimal digestion).
THE BOTTOM LINE
Healthy eating or clean eating is NOT a bad thing. It all comes down to your mindset.
Want support in overcoming orthorexic or ARFID tendencies? Or looking to heal your gut, hormones, or other health condition without a crazy diet mentality or restrictive approach?
Let’s connect. Contact me at DrLauryn.com/Work-with-Me and apply to be a client today (Bonus: a 10-minute Complimentary Consult is included for all accepted applicants).
The post Do You Have Orthorexia or Just Eating Healthy? appeared first on Meet Dr. Lauryn.
Source/Repost=>
https://drlauryn.com/food-freedom/do-you-have-orthorexia-or-just-eating-healthy/ ** Dr. Lauryn Lax __Nutrition. Therapy. Functional Medicine ** https://drlauryn.com/
Do You Have Orthorexia or Just Eating Healthy? via https://drlaurynlax.blogspot.com/
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"Best company for term-life insurance?
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I am looking for auto insurance......i have a dui on my record and im about to get my license back....so i need some suggestions on some cheap insurance.....i have already tried the general and dairy land....
Auto insurance companies keep calling me?!?
i went online looking for some quotes now all kinds on insurance companies are call my phone leaving voice mails. about 20 calls in a hour. is there a way i can get my number off the insurance quote list /something?? thankyou!
What is the cheapest insurance company?
What is the cheapest insurance company?
What is the best health insurance?
what is the best health insurance?
How much will insurance go up? ?
How much will insurance go up if you are 18 and just got into an accident with a park car and only hurt there bumper?
What are the best websites to get car insurance quotes from different companies in New York City?
What are the best websites to get car insurance quotes from different companies in New York City?
Does anyone know where I can find affordable health insurance for self employed people?
I own a small business, and need to find health insurance for my family that wont break me. Please help if you can. Thanks.""
How to get proof of financial responsibility?
I'm 21 a year old university student from California and I am graduating soon. I have always put off getting a license before college and once it started, I have been busy but because I want to get a job after graduating I really need my license pronto! My parents back home already taught me how to drive but I'm signing up for a driving school in my area just to practice and get the local roads down. I made an appointment for behind the wheel test next week and one of the things I need to bring is proof of financial responsibility. I know it's not insurance because I need a license to get that so how do I get it? I'm also probably going to borrow my friend's car for the test.""
How can i lower my car insurance quotes? just turned 17?
i bought me a 1.4 polo and i dont know sh*t about insurance, can someone give me some tips on how to lower my car insurance?""
How much MORE can you expect to pay on insurance for this car?
I know every person will have there own prices, but if i purchase a g35 coupe rather than a sedan, will the insurance skyrocket? I'm 20 yrs old, like 2 tickets, you think i should just go with the sedan?""
Car Insurance moving from one state to another?
I'm moving to TX from PA. My car got inspected in pa a couple months ago. When i move to TX im going to need to get new insurance because my company doesnt cover in that state. When i go to get new insurance does my car have to be inspected in TX to get insurance?
Does production company need insurance?
One of my biggest concerns when starting a production company that would specialize in small time video making for buisnesses and there services for marketing and commercials possibly who knows would be INSURANCE would I need liability insurance or is it illegal to just not have that or is it for piece of mind.So say if my production business shoots a restaurant and there services and then shoot some motor cross business where they advertise there atvs and vehicles etc.If the answer is yes then what if I use my own stunt riders? is liability insurance a law to have? I'm in the TEXAS
Can you have two car insurance companies with out them finding out?
I need an SR22 but my parents insurance company (Allstate) is saying I must go somewhere else or my payments are going to sky rocket. I only need the SR22 for two months so I figured I'd just get a second policy for two months, stay on my parents' as well, then just cancel the second policy when I don't need the SR22 any more so I can avoid losing the great rates I have on my parents'. Would my current insurance company find out if I got a second policy and cause me to have to reevaluate our current policy (which is the main thing I'm trying to avoid). And lastly, if you can't have two policies on one car could I leave my name on both and just take the car off my parents without having to reevaluate our current Allstate policy?""
Car insurance rates in Ontario for new driver?
I plan to import my '01 Camry from USA to missisuaga. How much shd I expect to pay p.m. in car Insurance rates ? I have 3 yrs clean driving history in USA.Will my driving history in USA help with getting a better rate in canada ? Initially I will have only a US drivers license.Pls help shed light on my doubts ..
Car Insurance???????????????????
I am going to be 17 years old in April and I want to get my license. I was just wondering how much my insurance would be. I am a male and I live in New York, more specifically my zip code is 11040. I am a good student (3.5 gpa) and I have taken drivers ed. With these discounts how much do you think my car insurance would be with State Farm (my parents have state farm? And the car i am going to insure is a 2009 Honda Civic (blue). Can i have a specific number range?""
Why is my car insurance going up if I have a good driving record?
I just moved about a block from my old rental (old lease was for 2 years) so I updated my address at my insurance. The policy went up to about 100$ a month which I don't understand because I have been told I am low risk and in the preferred age category 25+. I have a cousin about 9 years older who has multiple accidents, claims and tickets who only pays 60$. So what the heck is going on? I am comparing apples to apples on deductibles but it seems as if the insurance companies are punishing me for having a clean record with no accidents. I am just about 30 years old and only have one car a 2000 Saturn LW2 that I've owned outright for 6 years without payments. Even my younger friends who still party and drink pay lower than I do. Is it possible there is false information that the insurance companies are basing my rate on? The lowest rate I have been able to find is 70$ a month... but everything else is over 150$ per month......grr. I am a complete square and only drive up to 5 miles total a day for commute so I don't see why I should be paying so much. I was told by a friend that I should have had a price drop when I hit 26 because that is the cut off for DUI risk but it hasn't happened.""
I am 17 and i am looking for cheap car insurance. does anyone know a good insurer?
I am 17 and i am looking for cheap car insurance. does anyone know a good insurer?
Insurance on mini cooper?
I'm 16, and I want a mini cooper S or a scion tC. It will be my first car. But I was wondering which car's insurance would be higher, and which an estimate about how much it would be. I've never had an accident, and I took driver's ed in school. and I also have a 3.6 GPA.""
What can I do about uninsured motorist?
I was driving at a green light and the person made a left turn into me without a turning signal. I swerved right to avoid them, but we still crashed. A car then hit me from behind because of it. Their car has no damage, but I'm pretty sure my car and car 1 is totaled. I'm worried because car 1 might not have insurance. I have a dislocated thumb, that I need surgery on and won't be able to work for a while. My job won't give me short term disability. I have liability insurance in PA. Do I find car 1? Can I go to car 2's insurance and get anything? I heard PA is a no fault state but I don't understand any of that. If anyone could explain anything to me and let me know what to do next, I would really appreciate that.""
How much do i need to save for a motorcycle?
I have my g1 and will be attending a motorcycle safety course soon then getting my m1. Then i can drive motorcycles. But I want to wait till next year..I am first buying my car. (03 crown vicotria) After the winter. I am 6'2 and weigh 140lbs. (17 and male) is a kawa ninja 250r a good first bike for me?? how much do i need to save for the bike itself? but also insurance?? what is your opinions?
""USAA auto insurance 3,000 dollars a year for 2 cars?""
That's the quote I got and it's really ridiculously expensive. I'm in the US Army, I was expecting a rate cheaper than my current insurance, not 3 times more expensive. Is it like this for everyone? Maybe because I'm just in the DEP right now? I heard I could just get the insurance straight after DEPing in.""
Is it a legal requirement to have caravan insurance?
Is it a legal requirement to have caravan insurance like it is car insurance? Thanks for your help!
I just moved to california and brought my car here?
I just moved from florida to california, and i really need to know what i have to do? With the license plate? Registration? All this kinds of things, and for how long I can be driving with the florida plate and drivers license? Thanks for the help guys!!!""
""If I buy car under parents name and insurance, will it be cheaper?""
I'm looking to change my car, residing with parents, if I buy a new car say under my dads name, with insurance under his name, will it be cheaper if I was to be added to that policy? Compared to having the car in my name and insurance as well? Thanks""
Best company for term-life insurance?
Best company for term-life insurance?
How to get cheap car insurance?
im 17, my mates have got theres for just over a thousand pounds, but all my quotes are 3 thousand plus, how can i make it cheaper? like by putting my mum as a driver or?""
Best mediclam health insurance plan in India ? Mumbai?
I am 34 yr old and my wife is 26 year old i want to purchase a mediclam health insurance policy which cover both with maternity benifits and OPD charges etc. Please suggest me the best offer & plan of insurance company which is having cashless facility and good service . can i take the policy online . thanking you
Is it worth the effort to compare auto insurance companies?
I have been with the same auto insurance agency my whole adult life. When my husband and I got married, he switched over and started using the same agency I have always used. Our insurance rates seem to continually increase, though, and so recently I have been wondering if we should start looking around for a better premium. I would definitely love to save some money on our auto insurance, but I dont know if its worth the time and energy it would take to shop around. Is it worth the effort to compare insurance companies? If so, how do I begin my search?""
What's this 50 cash back with a car insurance quote all about?
I was quoted 370, clicked on 'buy now' and it said 420.....you get the 50 cash back, in a cheque, through the post after 120 days""
""I have a new baby, will I get a auto insurance discount or increase if I tell them?""
My little girl is 10 weeks old, I'm not sure if I have to tell my auto insurance company (AAA). Would it be better to insure that she's covered? Or will it just cost me more?""
Getting pregnant & getting Insurance?
I was hoping to start trying to get pregnant within the next 3-6 months. I am a little discouraged after searching on line and finding many people saying most insurances have a waiting period anywhere from 6 months to 2 years!! Before they will cover maternity. Is this true? So I guess I should seek insurance coverage like yesterday if I plan on getting pregnant anytime soon, huh? I do DEF want to use a midwife. Maybe I should just pay out of pocket & spare myself the hassle of insurance. DID YOU USE A MIDWIFE W/ or W/OUT INS??""
Insurance For first time driver?
So like i wanna get a car, and i live in the uk , how much would i be paying monthly for insurance?""
Whats the cheapest car insurance for a 16 y/o boy?
I'm getting my liscense soon and we have allstate and its expensive as hell! I live in texas and i dont plan on buying a sports car so how much would my insurance be you think and where should i go for cheap insurance?
Insurance company have sold My car without my consent / pay out? what can i do?
My car has been written off by the insurance company back in January and i have not still been paid out due to me not agreeing with the offer. They have submitted me evidence justifying their offer but this was current market value and not prior. I have referred this matter to the finanical services ombudsman who are still investigating (long wait as they go by order of complaints received). I have just found out the insurance company have sold my car off to a salvage company who have sold it to another individual. What can i do? what is my legal standing point? can i claim against the insurance company? can i claim my car back? I am still in receipt of the V5, keys, service booklet and receipts for the car. I have not signed over ownership or given the insurance company concent to sell the car. I have assumed to date that the car is in storage at the repair garage. I have still to recieve full agreed final settlement for the car from the insurance company. HELP!!!!""
Insurance company charging my PARENTS?
i recently got my license and the insurance company called my parents (21-century), and told them that the have to pay a ridiculous amount of money because I live in their house and I have a license. I don't even have a car. I thought u had to have a car to pay for car insurance. They guy who spoke to my mom told her it was a new law even if i don't have a car. By the way i live in california.Do i have to pay insurance just because i got a license? Do i have to forfeit my license in order to live with my parents without getting charged for insurance?""
When we ask for AFFORDABLE health care?
maybe we should control the Hospital, Doctor, and Insurance company's cost. That would bring it down. Then the government wouldn't have to get stuck with it all.""
I live in Massachusetts where auto insurance can't compete my question is....?
What is the benefits of competing rates? Well duh, you say because you may get cheaper rates somewhere else but I need proof. Right now I have a '95 Ford Escort, I have basic insurance, I'm a step 12, and I pay about $140 a month...what is better than that? Please name the state you live in.""
How much will car insurance cost?
i know you cant exactly guess the costs but can you give me an estimate? i live in va im 17 years old i have 3.81 GPA i am a female how much does it cost a teenager each month?
How much is car insurance for an inexperienced first year driver 18 years old in North Carolina?
Like can I get estimates from each company. I've never had a license and my family refuses to pay for my car insurance...so I have to pay it...
How to see a doctor without health insurance?
im a student living in southern california. i havent seen a doctor in years because i cant afford health insurance, but recently ive noticed that i may have an issue that should be checked out by a doctor. how do i go about seeing one? what do i do? where should i go? any advice or tips would be very helpful. at this point i dont care how much debt i have to incur to do it, i just need to do it. thanks.""
What type of insurance in Alabama covers the REVERSAL of a bilateral tubal ligation? what is the cost?
What type of insurance in Alabama covers the REVERSAL of a bilateral tubal ligation? what is the cost?
In need of Car Insurance Sr22?? Who is best 2 go with??
I am looking for a cheaper but reliable insurance 2 go with for an SR22.. Does anyone have companies? IT is 4 a: 18 & 19 year old Male. In the IL area. Please and thank you
What is the best priced auto insurance company for people who have been canceled due to too many claims?
These claims are all due to serious weather, vandalism, and theft.""
How much is insurance for a 16 years old camry 1997 yahoo?
i live in california, and we have 4 drivers in my family and we pay 700, 1 way, how much will i pay im 16 and i will be getting a camry 1997""
""On a road trip with multiple drivers, how do you handle car insurance?""
I'm going on a road trip to the US (from Canada) with some other people, and we'll be using one of their cars. We're all driving this car. Is there car insurance we can buy just for the trip? It would suck to have an accident and affect the car owner's insurance. Thanks for any tips you have.""
Why don't Gay men get the same car insurance rates as women?
Why don't Gay men get the same car insurance rates as women?
Do you know of any good family health insurance plans for cheap?
I currently work in a hopital and pay only $200/month for insurance. I am pregnant with my 2nd child and thinking of cutting my hours at work to where I could no longer carry their insurance plan. We also own a small business, so my husband doesn't carry the insurance. I only have to work 20 hours a week to keep the insurance at my job, and it has awesome benifits, but I would love to be home after the 2nd baby is born. What do you think? Should I keep my insurance at work or any better ideas?""
Does anyone know where I can find affordable auto insurance for a single parent of two?
I just purchased a 2006 Chevy cobalt four door and I need insurance that will work on a single parents income and I need it yesterday. Can someone help?
What would you say is a cheap and decent car to purchase and insure? (Please see details)?
My dad and I are trading in another car, with the value of 3000, and as a result, we were looking at getting a car worth around 6000 (or less). He has had no claims for years, however, I have only recently passed my test. Has anyone been in this situation or a similar one? If so, what cars would you recommend purchasing. I'd really like a Mini convertible (as do most people), and so does my dad, but how much would you say the insurance would be. We're talking about 5 years no claims with my dad. I'd purely be a named driver. I did look at the Citreon C3 pluriel, because I was told it was really cheap to insure, but having to pull the sides off the car to make it into a convertible is a bit of a joke! Thanks for your time guys, hope you're having a nice night! x""
Swinton Car Insurance ?? Any one used Swinton ?
I have always been insured with either Churchill or Direct Line. Been shopping around this time and Swinton have offered the best quote so far through Highway Insurance.,. Price includes Legal cover, High breakdown cover, courtesy Car ect,, Im just abit unsure what the service is like as I dont know anyone who uses them. Any one used them and what were your experiences? good or bad ? Many thanks in advance.""
Best company for term-life insurance?
Best company for term-life insurance?
What are different basic insurance certification programs?
Am looking for an insurance career. Am a mom thinking of starting my career after a 6 yrs break. I want to know the basic insurance courses available. are thereany govt recognized exams and certifications available am totally new to this am newto USA so dont know much abt the programs. pls help with some info.
What is the cheapest individual health insurance plan in PA?
age 62, good health""
Which car insurance company is cheapest on international licence in uk?
Which car insurance company is cheapest on international licence in uk?
Cheap insurance for (2002) BMW 3 Series for young drivers?
Hi everybody Does anyone know a cheap car insurance for BMW 1.9 - 2.0 for a young male driver? GoCompare didn't show any good deals yet , so any ideas? Any help appreciated. Thanks""
If I apply for life insurance through a different company will they know what I told the first company?
I have life insurance with State Farm. I quit smoking on a daily basis 2 years ago but had a cigarette and 1 hit of marijuana on June 18th of this year. I told this to the underwriters because I wanted to be completely honest. All blood work came back negative for nicotine (Cotinine) and THC. State Farm charged me the smoker's rate and said I can get it reevaluated in 1 year. My agent told me I should have lied since it was just the 1 cig. I am not happy paying the smoker's rate as I don't consider myself a smoker. I called an Allstate agent and she says I can go thru her and just say no this time when asked by the underwriters about smoking. My question is, do they have the State Farm phone interview with the underwriters stored somewhere in some database and they will know I smoked the one cigarette or will I be ok just going thru Allstate and saying no to the smoking question this time?""
What is the best insurance website?
i need to know so i can go to it and get insurance
I am thinking of get a Honda Accord (1996-2001) in fl was wondering how much is basic inserance?
I am thinking of getting a Honda Accord between the year of 1996 and 2001 was wondering how much is it gonna cost for minimum insurance if I am 16 about to tern 17
How much does motorcycle ensurance cost?
I am planning on getting a bike. used,street bike probably a 04-07 dont know what kind yet but i was curious if a) is insurance on a motorcycle absolutely needed? b)how much if im 18, but father as a co signer with GREAT credit score c)on a $5,000 bike how much would it be a month overall, insurance and payments.""
What is the cheapest health insurance I can get?
I'm a healthy single person with no preexisting conditions living in Washington State and am tired of paying $430/mo for COBRA. My acceptable range is $50 - $150/mo and only want it as hedge against risk of major injury. I may be travelling overseas for 3-6 months this winter and I'm wondering if: 1. I should choose something like LifeWise with 10k deductible for 3 months, just short term then let it cancel, then get different travel insurance thereafter? 2. Choose a company that does both domestic US and overseas travel coverage? 3. Let COBRA expire and just risk it? Do you have any recommendations? Know of any especially affordable deals that match this?""
Can my husband remove me from our car insurance policy?
Hello, My husband left 2 months ago. We have a car insurance policy together with all 3 vechiles on it. He called me yesterday to inform me that he is removing me from our policy. Can he take me off the car insurance policy as we are still married and the policy is in both our names? I am calling the insurance company Monday morning but I would just like to know for sure as everyone that I have spoken with said he can not do this. Thanks!""
""Does anyone know how much a boat would cost me for a year, that's including gas, insurance, etc.?""
Does anyone know how much a boat would cost me for a year, that's including gas, insurance, etc.?""
Is it worth paying over $100+ car insurance?
I'm currently a college commuter and I drive a 1997 Toyota Corolla DX sedan with over 180k miles on it. My insurance company is GEICO and they put me on a 6 month payment plan where my premium is $839. Now the thing is that I pay about $140 a month for 6 months until that total is paid off, but is it worth paying $140 car insurance for a car that was manufactured in 1997 with over 180k miles and doesn't run or look to good at all. Should i try to finance a preowned or used car? If so how should i do it? I know there are many options in paying for a new car, but I'm 19, in college, working at Walmart part-time, and own a online business. Tips are appreciated.""
What is the most economic way to insure a second car?
I already have fully comprehensive insurance for both myself and my spouse on our first car but now are looking to buy a second car. I also have 9 years no claims bonus.
I am looking for an affordable DENTAL insurance...?
Okay.. so I am an 18 yr old college students.. who just so happens wants braces. My teeth aren't too bad but I just want braces so make my teeth look better. Since braces are very expensive I was thinking about maybe getting a dental insurance that will help me pay for my braces. Also, I want those braces that are either clear or that go inside your teeth and not outside (Not sure if its possible, but I've heard about em). What is the best plan and/or what type of insurance will work for me best. Anything helps..""
The best insurance for mommy and baby?
Right now, Im about 5 weeks preggers and I have no insurance and Im not able to find a job since no one is hiring. I just been doing some babysitting jobs while my boyfriend works two jobs for the baby and me. What will be the best insurance for my baby and me? One that covers ultrasounds, doc appoinments and hospital bills? Help me please.""
Can an 18 year old/college student stay on parents auto insurance?
I'm 17 (turning 18 in 8 months) and my parents are extremely hesitant about letting me get a car because of the insurance going up. I'm testing for my license in a few weeks (After almost two years of them putting it off...) I'll be getting a safe, four door car, probably a 2001 Chevy Malibu. I'll get the good grades discount, and i already took a defensive driving course online which will get me another 10% off, and I have a steady job and decent savings account and would be able to pay them the difference in insurance every month. They still aren't going for it. So first question, anyone have some tips for me to get them to cool down about this? I'll be taking college classes at our local tech while I'm still in high school, and then I'll be going to that school full time after graduation. My parents work opposite shifts and can't take me to all my classes constantly. I need a car, not just for independence, but for practicality. That brings me to my second question, once I turn 18 and am a full time college student, will I still be able to be on their insurance? Will that change if I move out? Thanks!""
Car insurance for a new driver?
I will be driveing soon how much on average is car insurance for a new driver?
""Just got a speeding ticket with my uncles car, will his insurance raise?""
I just received a speeding ticket while driving my uncles car, i don't have car insurance nor a car. Will his insurance go up from this.""
Does alaska have state insurance like Tenn.Care?
Does Alaska have state insurance?
Does speeding tickets raise your insurance?
I've gotten 2 speeding tickets this month so I'm worried. Does this raise your insurance rates?
Is this the only way I can get cheaper car insurance at 17?
Have my mam as the main driver on my car and add myself as a driver, my mam has 6 years no claims bonus and i've only just passed my test.""
Car Insurance for a 19 yr old male?
I'm going to be buying an black 03 Cadillac CTS and I was wondering about how much my insurance would be. I've been driving since I was 16 with no tickets or wrecks. Can anyone give me at least an estimate on what it might cost? I will be using it mostly to drive back and fourth to work.
Which Insurance is best in California?
Hello Car Users(Especially Mercedes), I would like to know for New Mercedes C 250 Sport Sedan, which Insurance criterion will be best as I'm in California? Also, Which Insurance company is good? This is my first time experience hence need your inputs. Thanks""
Where can i find cheap full coverage auto insurance?
Where can i find cheap full coverage auto insurance?
When an insurance company gives you a quote is that for 1 month or 6 months?
Ive been looking for good insurance company because ill be getting my first car next month. its a white 2007 Deluxe Mustang, and of my age (18) my family is saying that my rates will be high. well i looking up qoutes and i got a few $178 $384 $668 and i was wondering it the quote for one month or 6. i looked at progressive, esurance, gieco, Ais etc.""
Best company for term-life insurance?
Best company for term-life insurance?
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/affordable-car-insurance-ontario-gerald-stephens/"
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