Carol in different Universes

OG/Nicoronpa/Breathless Universe:

Carol in Nicoronpa fullfills the Role of the Ultimate Tutor, Always trying her best to Support her Classmates andncheer them Up. Not telling much more, you have to Play the Game yourself.

In Breathless she acts Seikos Tutor, helping her Balance Idol Work and School Work.

Twisted Wonderland universe:

This is still the Carol in the Nicoronpa universe, however she entered the world of TWST through a Dream and now assists the MC in their journeys. She tends to usually be occupied helping Ace and Deuce with their school Work. Trey usually helps her with learning how to Cook and she also plays Games with Idia a lot, but usually runs around during errands for Teachers and students. Once she awakes from her Dream she might forget her Friends but Not her Feelings towards them.

Genshin Impact Universe:

Carol was Born in Mondstadt however at a Young Age she and her parents Went to Liyue a Lot for vacations so she took huge interest in the country. She studied as researcher at first but then decided to become a Tourist Guide, showing her customers around the country and customs. She can be quite excited about certain Topic, for example Rex Lapis or the Jade chamber, however she keeps a Level head when presenting facts. She is a Dendro Spear User and a 4 Star unit.

Can be quite excitable about anything Liyue and also picks some Fights with treasure Hunters Sometimes, because to her they have No concern for History and Just steal without knowing the real value of the things they hold. She slightly holds a dislike towards Albedo but gets along Well with Succrose.

Persona Universe:

Carol is a Student at Kosei High and also does know Yusuke, however as the Phantom thieves started she didnt suspect hin really. She actually enjoyed the Stories about them and started to research and narrow down who they could be to assist then in a way. One day she saw them going Into Mementos and accidently landed there as Well. She tried her best to follow the Phantom thieves without getting caught my Shadows because her curiosity was too high… however eventually she was still spotted but saved thanks to Joker and His Friends. They wanted to Escort her Out of there, however more and more Shadows flooded Mementos. Carol felt cornered at First but she didnt want to be a burden to the Phantom thieves… Her Spirit of Rebellion awoke through Fighting her own Emotions and fear of losing Others around Her and so she awoke her Persona Eris. She took on the Codename Vert after and became a Person looking for things to do in Mementos for the Phantom thieves. She mostly Just fullfills her Role as Scout. Mostly uses Garu and Nuclear Magic. Buffs Defense.

Pokemon Universe:

Carol owns a Wellness Spa for Pokemon and Had the Trainer Type Aroma lady.

This is her Team:

As she was Young she was more researching Pokemon and wanted to become a Pokemon professor, however she felt researching Pokemons friendships and their feelings would be more interesting, so she started the Spa to investigate it. Nowadays she usually writes books and teaches Young Kids about how to treat their Pokemon right. She still hasnt fully given Up on her Dream, however she is Happy in how Things are.

Winx Club Universe:

Carol is the Fairy of Books and Went to Alfea to become a Teacher at the school one day. Professor Palladium was Always her Idol and she wanted to become similar to him. However she Has quite the hard time Fighting Out her powers even though she is pretty good in the school subjects. Some of her Main Powers are summoning Things from books, writing objects different or trapping Things in her books, but she also has some drawbacks. She still works hard to one day also become a Teacher.

ATLA Universe:

Carol is part of the earth Kingdom. She usually Works In a Restaurant to Help Out a friend but in between work she teaches children how to read and about the culture of each Kingdom. She started traveling the world and trying to research the old History of the Avatar. She also is pretty good at making Tea and very protective of her Students which is why she really did train earthbending a Lot.

______

Yakuza universe:

Carol manages a bar and some Host Clubs, mostly for giving people on the streets a Home who felt lost and didnt know Where to Go. Usually her Outfit is that of a Secretary and although she belongs to a big Company, she still is under protection of the Police but still helps Out the Yakuza in the Shadows. Its mostly If These Yakuza to her Prove to have good Intentions. So be carefull what Information you do give her and which Not, or the Police will arrest you at the Spot.

I also thought about doing Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy and Fire Emblem but I found it hard to place her... In Fire Emblem I can See her in three House be Part of the Blue lions probably.

Bittersweet Tragedies

Pt. 1 // Dead to Me

A/N: The first part of a series of writings based on Melanie Martinez songs, and my own want for Dabi interacting with a child ^^; The reader will have many more interactions with him as time goes on (and maybe even some interactions with heroes)

The vigilante Phantasma was no more. Leaving you and your little sister motherless.

You always felt cold, something you got from your father, but this cold was penetrating in a way you could only describe as being stabbed.

Over and over.

Phantasma was an outlaw, and no one missed those. They were the villains of the hero world. Someone people didn’t tend to miss, someone you werent supposed to root for. So when you returned home to your sister with the news, you knew she would only find comfort in you. No one else would mourn your mother.

For a whole night, you both lay in her bed, curled up and clinging to each other, craving a warmth you knew would never return. But after that, you knew you had to be the one to step up to the plate.

You were 23 and your sister the fragile age of six. Without you, what would she have?

"Kiko."

She lifts her head, eyes still red from hours of crying. Yukiko wipes her eyes.

"Y-Yea?"

"We're going to be okay." You assure her, placing a hand on her back. "I'm gonna call one of mommy's friends so we can get some help. Do you want to go with me?"

"But.." She sniffles. "I have school."

"Ah. Alright. Come, let's get ready for school, I'll take you." You wait for her to sit up before helping her get dressed, using a damp napkin to wipe away the trails of tears on her cheeks. Fifteen minutes later you stand outside of her school, the bell already ringing for her to get to class, your hand cold without hers to warm it.

With nothing left to do you take your mother's phone out and click on a familiar icon. A weasel.

Holding the phone to your ear, your chest lightens as the line is picked up.

"Hey Uncle Kagero, I.. I need some help."

---

Walking beside Kagero Okuta, or Giran as he prefered to be called for business purposes, made you uneasy. It wasn't him personally, in fact, he was one of your favorite people that came into your life because of your vigilante mother. No, this unease was due to the man following the two of you.

Twice was his name. He argued with himself, which unnerved you. Men in general made you nervous, especially the ones that yelled.

"Sorry about my friend here, he's going through a rough patch." Giran removes the cigar from his mouth, waving it around as he guides you through tight alleyways. "It's not his fault, he's just-"

"AN ANIMAL! Heroic! Suave! STOP THAT EH?! Amazing."

"Like that." He snorts.

You shake your head. "It's fine." In any case, you move just an inch closer to the older man.

Giran was an old friend of your mothers, someone she went to for information or for new tech. Often times she took you with her to see him, and often times he would give you whatever he had on him at the time. Ranging from lollipops to broken parts of machinery. It fascinated you as a child, seeing him pull out all sorts of items from his pockets.

Now you saw him in less of an innocent light, but you didnt hate him either. Work was work.

Speaking of.

"What kind of work were you thinking when you said you could find me a job?"

"Nothing terrible." He inhales deeply, exhaling a mouthful of smoke. "You like to dance, right?"

"More or less."

"Something like that. I know a guy who pays good money for people with quirks like yours. It'll keep you and Kiko fed."

A job that relied on your quirk.. Well, it wasn't the worst news you could have heard. And if it would keep your sister comfortable, you would do it.

The three of you stop in front of a rundown bar, the windows boarded up and it's sign hanging haphazardly to the left.

"So, why are we here?"

"To meet the gang! TO DIE! Shigaraki wants to meet you! SHUT UP!"

You turn around to look at Twice. "Shigaraki? The League of Villains guy?" You'd heard of him through the news. The attack on the USJ was still spoken of despite it being weeks ago. "I didnt realize his base would look like.. This."

The man narrows his eyes, looking ready to tear you in half before he stops and taps his foot on the floor. "It's fucked up- but give it a shot! It's cool inside! UGLY AS fuck." He ends in a small voice, hugging himself as he rushes in through the doors. You could hear him say something, presumably to the rest of the people inside.

A hand is placed against your back. You look to your right, seeing Giran look down at you before nodding towards the door.

"In you go kid."

Nodding, you step up to the now open doors and find yourself in a rather well taken care of room. It was a bar with crystal scones and furniture you werent expecting to see in a place that looked like it's outside survived a nuke.

Several people waited inside, either standing or sitting. With one look, you instantly knew who the leader was. But with another look, you couldn't help your eyes being glued to another man.

He had his head resting on crossed arms, his skin held together by staples. He was asleep, but it didnt stop you from looking at him a second more before turning to the leader.

Shigaraki.

Standing in the center of them all was a person who could turn you to ash without breaking a sweat. You would be nervous were it not for Giran's presence. You trusted him enough to know he wouldn't let you die tonight.

"So, you're the one Giran has been talking about." His voice grates against your ears. "The amplifier."

Amplification. Emotional or physical. Your quirk was.. Useful. Amplifying calm, strength, passion, happiness, nearly anything. It had its uses.

"We've already worked out the details. Should you come through on your end." He saunters forward, stopping just short of you.

From where you stood, staring up at him, trying to look past the hand covering his face, you had the from feeling that this bargain would force you to toe the line your mother had danced on for decades.

Vigilante? Or villain.

"Amplify his healing."

Shigaraki points to the now awake man covered in deep purple scars. The man's eyes burned into yours, a bright, blazing blue.

He flashes you a smirk as he moves off of the seat. Unlike Shigaraki, he stays where he is by the bar, but not too close to the alcohol lining the shelves.

You fidget nervously. "Just his healing?"

Shigaraki narrows his eyes, his fingers curling into a slow fist. "Just. Healing."

"Will it be a problem babe?" The man chuckles. "I thought we were getting someone impressive."

While his voice was pleasing to the ears, it wasn't enough to discourage your annoyance.

"It's just fine, pretty boy."

He lifts a brow, the smirk on his face widening, pulling at the staples on his face.

He opens his arms as blue flames engulf him head to toe, skin taking on a deeper hue as it begins to burn. "Give it your best shot babe."

Oh how you wanted to amplify his pain receptors. Oh how you wanted to wipe the smug expression off of his face.

But Yukiko needed you to get this job.

Your pupils dilate as you focus solely on the flaming man before you. Your body takes over as you feel the barest trace of energy radiating from him, tugging on it as you allow your quirk to latch onto him and do its work.

His expression changes ever so slightly as his skin stops it's burning and reverts back to its previous appearance. It wasn't healed fully, but it most definitely was not getting any worse.

"Interesting." Shigaraki speaks from beside you. A little too close for your liking.

You step closer to Giran who puts a hand on your shoulder. "I told you they could do it." He ducks his head slightly. "Good job kid."

Shigaraki nods absentmindedly, already mumbling plans that you already knew you wanted no part of. But you already signed away that piece of you.

Whatever he wanted you to do, you would do. For Kiko.

"Consider yourself hired." He acknowledges you after his compatriot puts out his flames, said companion now making his way to you. "Dabi will be your guard. Treat them well." Shigaraki adds, tapping Dabi on the arm with two fingers.

"Of course." Dabi stands in front of you, looking down at you with that same smug smirk. "Looks like you’re stuck with me babe."

No.

No.

You step forward, ignoring the smell of ash wafting from him. "You've got it all wrong."

He cocks a brow.

"You are stuck with me."

His grin only widens.

what if ranboo headcanon go brr (plus backstory since i got carried away)

- ranboo used to be an enderman forever (endermen are immortal in the timespan sense) - he longed to have friends his whole life when he was full enderman, but could never look at anyone without accidentally hurting them (developed a fear of hurting people), and other endermen didnt seem to talk much, or at all. he never had a friend growing up - he traveled the world looking for a cure from of enderman instincts (forced to kill by eye contact), but mostly he just felt less alone when he was always exploring (eventually discovered that as long as he had a helmet the rain wouldnt hurt him) - BACKSTORY STARTS HERE: ranboo went to a nether ruin once and almost died. he was actually supposed to die but a spirit told him that he would be brought back to life because ranboo was kind and didnt steal anythin from the ruin. ranboo begged to be brought back with the ability to see others without killing them out of his control. the spirit agreed, but under a few conditions. - they said something along the lines of "in this world of nature, the laws of equivalent exchange are everywhere. its the reason everything in nature happens to be balanced. it would be impossible for you to go your whole life without taking another life if you didn't have this power, and unfortunately the opposite of the ability to give mercy is to kill. if i give you this power and you kill no one for the rest of your life, it would set nature out of balance. i will give you a month to kill one creature out of your own will, without the curse of your eyes. after this month you will be granted your wish. if you fail you will not only gain a lifespan, but you will be forced to kill the one closest to you to make up for the future lives that you have the ability to spare." ranboo was nervous, but agreed since he hated the idea of being forced to kill for the rest of his life. - for the first week ranboo kept travelling, trying to build up the will to kill creatures he came across, but couldnt bring himself to do it. he eventually gave up, accepting the fate of being forced to kill. he thought that one more time of killing without free will would make up for the live he would save in the future, and he was used to accidentally taking lives even if it hurt him. - timeskip to a few days passing, he meets a blind fox in a spruce forest. it wasnt just blind though, it was hurt. it's eyes were scratched out and it was bleeding under the shadow of a tree. ranboo carried it to a temorary campsite he made in a small cave and tended to its wounds. the fox still didnt have eyes, but ranboo stopped the bleeding and eventually a scab grew overnight. in hopes that it would hurt less, ranboo ripped a peice of cloth from his leather shirt that a villager traded with him long ago, (warily though, endermen were known to be very hostile,) and wrapped it gently around the fox's head, just so the whiskers were still out but the scab was safe. he was happy he got to help a creature before the inevitability he had to face, so he felt a little better about the future. he packed his few things and set off to keep travelling, but something rubbed at his ankle. the foxes ears perked up at his footsteps and ran towards the sound, nuzzling ranboo's pant leg as if begging to come with him. - "bud, you gotta stay in the forest, its not safe where i'm going," ranboo explained in a pitiful yet sincere voice, trying to say it in a tone that the fox would hopefully understand. the fox persisted, facing the source of ranboo's voice and tilting its head. he had a hard time rejecting the fox, especially since this was the first creature who wasn't immediately scared of him. the first creature who... cared about him. ranboo folded, "alright, but if you're coming along you bet im keeping you safe. ill call you... bandanna! you cool with that?" the fox stood up abruptly wagging his tail after ranboo finished talking in his cheerful tone. -  for the next week or so, ranboo and bandanna traveled across mountains and valleys, oceans and plains, pretty much wherever the world led them. from time to time, ranboo made sure to wash the cloth and and wrap it back around bandanna's head to keep him safe. bandanna was stealthy and affectionate, and ranboo was resourceful and curious. as long as they had each other, they were safe. ranboo would always protect bandanna. - in the last week of the month he had before the curse, ranboo realized he was fully content living beside the first creature he could call a friend. they settled down for a while in the desert, with only the occasional rabbit passing by their newly built hut. bandanna often sat on ranboo's lap when he was making maps of their journey routes, and ranboo often watched bandanna chase rabbits for food. (well, almost, ranboo actually couldnt stand the sight, but was still happy he didnt have to kill anything when bandanna did it himself.) it was quiet, but a peaceful one. at this point he didn't care about the future, in fact he had completely forgotten that he was looking for a "cure" in the first place. that was his first mistake. - ranboo had promised to keep bandanna safe, and he always made sure of it. the last day of the month rolled around. ranboo woke up one evening at dawn outside the house, nearby the crops he planted earlier. it was strange, that ranboo could have sworn he washed the beet juice off of his hands, but there it was. - almost stained in the logs surrounding him in the crop area. almost stained. ranboo found this peculiar, as he fell asleep hours ago. one would think if he was working with beet juice, it would have dried by now. he stood up, no longer looking under him, he saw the trail of... beet juice that followed his spot... coming from the hut. the door was open. he never left the door open. - alarmed, he stood up quickly. well, he tried. a massive headache washed over him as he collapsed back to the floor. his left arm, why was it fading to pure white? not only was it his arm, but the color seemed to climb up his shoulder and neck. the realization hit him like a freezing arrow. "the curse," he whispered to himself. his breath grew shaky and cold. "no. no way. no, no, no, NO-" ranboo ran, tripping through the dim desert and back on the damp, crimson trail towards the hut. "it can't be." but it was. the red was much clearer on the hardwood. - he dropped to his knees. the tears mixed with the blood pooling from a battered friend. the blood was almost dry now. ranboo promised. he said he would always keep bandanna safe, yet there he was, life drained into the floors. unable to comprehend what had happened, ranboo cradled bandanna's fragile body in his arms. "...bud? i- i just planted some beets! i think you'd like them. please, stay with me. we havent even seen the rest of the world yet- i... havent finished the maps." bandanna didnt keep him warm. his tail didn't flinch in the slightest. - timeskip to sitting by bandanna's grave. it was raining, but it didnt hurt him. ranboo wished he could take it all back. he didn't even care about the curse anymore. he just wanted to see his friend again. he only ever wanted a friend that he didnt just scare away or hurt. he came to the conclusion that the curse just was him, and that no matter what he did, he ended up hurting everyone around him. - he may have been able to look into others eyes now, but the only thing that mattered about ranboo's eyes were that they got to see bandanna chasing animals, or playing with string. or asking to follow him across the world again. AAAAND RIGHT BACK TO HEADCANON NOTES: - ranboo ended up never killing anyone willingly in his life, but still caused the losses of lives when he was an enderman - introverted, scared of scaring others away, he was impressionable bc he never really got the chance to talk to anyone so he sort of bended to peer pressure and felt he had no choice but to listen to what others told him - rain doesnt actually hurt him anymore, he was just so used to wearing a helmet when it rained that it felt more comfortable to always wear one - also why he stays neutral is bc he doesnt want anyone to scare anyone away, he's kind to everyone because friendship is insanely valuable to him after being alone for so long - irl ranboo quote (along the lines of it at least idk); techno: "whats your favorite word, ranboo" ranboo: "friendship" - he also tries to help others to make up for all he's done, even though he's never willfully hurt anyone

13 reasons why season 4 review

THERE WILL BE SPOILERS IN THIS!! if you haven’t finished the season yet i suggest you skip this!! :)

also this will be super long because i tend to ramble and i’ll give reviews for each character/most of the storylines! ((half way through reading this i read @jessica-acholas and @analuciacortez reviews and i agreed with a lot of it so you guys should all read their reviews as well!!))

over all ranking:

as a whole, i would give this season a 7/10. i originally was gonna give it a 6 but they get an extra point for all the zalex scenes we got, and i also was thinking of the mess that was s3 so i had to give them that extra point too

storylines/the season as a whole:

my biggest concern/annoyance with this season was how rushed or repetitive it was

every storyline this season was either super rushed or super dragged out- no in between. the fact that we only had 10 episodes as opposed to the normal 13 probably had a part in this, which idk why they cut the episodes short. let’s start off with the dragged out storylines, one of them being clay’s nightmare sequences. i honestly did like his therapy scenes because it was good to see him get help and he was a much better narrator than ani, but his nightmare scenes were so long i literally had to skip all of them i got so bored. another dragged out storyline was jesstin, which i probably will get complains about. i think they have their cute scenes and i do love both characters, especially jess being tied with alex for #1 and justin being in my top 5. but my god their storyline/relationship is beyond repetitive, its been the exact same thing for 4 whole seasons. they break up, have a long speech about how they’re not right for each other, spend the whole season pining after each other, make up in the end and then have another speech about how in love they are. like writers please make up your mind- do you want them together or not?? we also had another repetitive love triangle this season just like every other with justin jess and diego as opposed to the justin jess and alex one for like 2 seasons.

now for the rushed storylines, one of them being alex’s relationship with charlie. i love charlie ever since we saw him in s3, he’s so pure and a lovable guy and i love how he loves alex. however they happened like out of nowhere?? alex went from being in love with jess for 3 seasons to being in love with 2 people in 4 episodes. if you blinked you would’ve missed the “build up” to their relationship, and honestly it felt like they just randomly threw in some relationship for alex because they didn’t wanna have zalex happen. i’m not saying this to be bitter (maybe i am lol) but zalex had 3 seasons worth of build up and could’ve been an amazing slow burn relationship for the whole season, instead they rushed another relationship. zach is also another character who had a rushed storyline with his drinking problem, which literally happened out of nowhere too?? he just showed up this season drunk in the first scene and drunk in literally every single scene we saw him in. this storyline also never got resolved, it just stuck there like the writers didn’t even care to end or resolve it. just like how zalex could’ve worked better for alex, it could’ve worked better for zach too since his drinking problem could’ve been helped by alex. i swear the writers just hate us at this point

characters review:

clay: one of my favorites honestly, he’s in my top 5. sure clay has had his moments where he’s been annoying and extra but so has literally every single character in this show- besides tony lol. like i stated above my main concern was how dragged out his sequences were this season, like i couldn’t watch all of them. also another huge problem i had with him this season was how big of a jerk he was to justin??? for like half of the season he was rude to him and would give snarky remarks/hints like when he was surprised colleges would even want justin, which i don’t blame justin for thinking that clay expected him to just relapse again and throw his life away. the same can be said for when clay said all those awful things to him at the party- his parents not being his and not trusting him like wtf? i felt SO BAD for justin there i was expecting clay to apologize to him. on the topic of the party episode, he literally crashed zach’s car and sent them flying 30 ft in the air just to leave zach all alone to literally die?? then there’s also the part where he and ani outed alex before he was ready to fully come out which sucks, that’s something you should never do but i know he was just worried about alex and didn’t want him to get heartbroken over winston - but why didn’t you tell him sooner??

ani: like i said with clay, i hated how she outed alex before he was ready to come out. i don’t understand how her and clay both didn’t think to tell everyone - especially ALEX who literally killed bryce and would’ve gotten hurt the most about winston?? they both knew that winston and alex both knew each other and met at the hillcrest party, so why not tell him winston is gonna be looking for information to clear monty’s name?? alex is literally the only person you guys SHOULDVE told first?? however i did enjoy her this season as opposed to s3, she had a great redemption and i liked that she finally apologized to jess for sleeping with bryce. she also wasn’t up everyone’s business this season and i loved all her scenes with jess, especially the prom ones

alex: HAAAAAA BI KING WHO GOT HIS HAPPY ENDING AND DIDNT GO TO JAIL FOR FLOORING THAT RAPIST!!! HOW DO YOU BRYCE AND MONTY STANS FEEL THAT BOTH OF THEM ARE 6FT UNDER WHILE ALEX IS FREE 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳 i’m so happy he got his happy ending and became secure in his sexuality, that’s all i ever wanted for him since s1. i’m not saying this because i’m biased and he’s my favorite character, but he truly was one of the only characters who didn’t annoy me this season. he had a great arc even if it was super rushed, we finally got a zalex mutual love confession (i’m still bitter that we didn’t get our endgame but in my head we did), and i love how even if he and justin had their differences in the past seasons he was there for him in the end. i don’t really have any complaints about him besides the whole charlie thing being super rushed and so random?? why did the show put 2 bottoms together like we wouldn’t notice 🤨🤨

jessica: jess is my favorite character tied with alex, both of them have been since s1. i loved how she continued to be her badass self this season but a lot of the things she did/said kinda rubbed me the wrong way?? like i applauded her for calling out ani for judging who she was sleeping with after ani slept with bryce, but when you think about it diego literally is a rape apologist too?? jess tyler is literally your friend why would you date the guy who’s defending his rapist?? also don’t get me started how diego treated clay horribly this season, he was suffering with his mental illness and he played pranks on him and called him a psycho??? clay has always been there for you jess and he’s also one of your friends why would you still hang out with diego?? also in the first episode where justin breaks up with her and she got mad at him i got upset with her, justin made valid points he’s a recovering drug addict who needs to focus on himself not a relationship. i don’t understand why she got so mad at that, it was lowkey ooc for her? overall i still loved her i just hate how the writers reduce her to only a guy each season, but she still was amazing over all and looked beautiful!! her scenes with ani were great and i cried so much at her scenes with justin at the end.

zach: another one of my favorite characters who the writers did so dirty this season. i’ve loved zach since s1 as well, he’s in my top 5 and i’ve always loved how even if he was a jock he was still good hearted and there for everyone. i hated how in this season the writers forgot all of his traits and basically wrote him as a new person?? his drinking storyline was beyond random and had no build up/not even a resolution in the end. where even was his mother or sister this entire season. the show always paid him dirt and never focused on his home life when it was clear he didn’t have the best relationship with his mom. i’m so annoyed at how they wrote him as a “drunk” all season and didn’t even acknowledge his struggles. his scenes with alex were great, and i loved every single one of them. i’m still dying on the zalex hill and saying that they missed the perfect opportunity to make them a couple, it would’ve helped his storyline just like alex’s.

justin: oh my god, when i say my heart broke in the last episode it really did. i remember hating justin in s1, and then loving him in s2 with him being in my top 5 favorite characters. he had the best redemption arc, and i loved his portrayal of a recovering drug addict. i’m thinking now and he also didn’t annoy me this season just like alex, he was great and i’m so sad how they basically stomped all over his arc by killing him. it’s clear the show only killed him off because clay started the show by losing someone he loved, and ended it the same way. him dying by aids was so random and made 0 sense, i honestly thought he was gonna die from an overdose when discussing theories because i had a feeling it was either him or alex who were gonna die. they didn’t have a buildup for his hiv/aids- only added scars/bruises throughout the season which no one noticed if they weren’t closely examining him. i’m so saddened by his death and i will be planning a funeral for him along with zalex’s 💔.

tony: honestly a great character throughout the whole show, never was annoying and always was there for literally everyone. tony has always been a fighter and has been through so much without showing it, and i’m glad he got to go to college at the end and see his sister. i’m also so happy we got more scenes between tony and caleb this season because they are one of my favorite couples and are so underrated in the show and with fans ❤️ i was upset when he didn’t believe tyler, but i understood where he was coming from because he just wanted to be safe.

tyler: he’s so pure and i also loved his arc throughout the show, i’m so happy he has friends who love him and him and estela were so cute! i wish they explored more about him and the sheriffs working together because i honestly was confused about that before rewatching scenes. i also hate how they made him feel bad about monty dying when it literally was not his fault a rapist got killed in prison- monty’s rotting 6 ft under hello let’s celebrate to that!! i also loved how he was so supportive when he found out about winston and alex on the camping trip, he seemed worried about alex when winston said they broke up. i also love how alex was the only one who truly believed in him the entire show.

bryce: good riddance!! when i say i yelled when jess saw him when she was burning the tape why did he smile like pennywise?2@/@20so glad we saw no flashbacks of him this season and that he was just an annoying ghost, but even that annoyed me

monty: just like bryce good riddance!!! thank god we didn’t get that much of a redemption arc because i would’ve lost it- even though i literally rolled my eyes every time his ghost tried to say something that was supposed to make us feel bad for him. he’s rotting with bryce 🧚🏻‍♀️🤩

charlie: i loved him, he was so nice to everyone and so pure. i just wish they let him and alex be just friends because that came out of nowhere. i hope he’s baking more cookies and being happy

caleb: such a supportive bf i love him and tony, wish we saw more of him but i hope he’s living his best life <3

winston: he gave me joe from you vibes the entire season why was he creepy lowkey s:@:&;&!392&-03@3&4 nobody @ me but for a second i thought him and alex were cute during the bowling scene then i remembered who he was. he was a rape apologist which i hated, like dude he’s dead get over it i promise that dick probably wasn’t that good that you have to do a whole fbi investigation for him. the fact that he fell in love with monty and alex after like a week is sending me oddjdkckdkdj but i too am in love with alex standall so i see where he’s coming from, he gets points for not turning alex in at the end but i expected him to be a bigger villain this season but thank god he wasn’t because i would’ve floored him

chloe: my best girl who i wish we saw more of we only saw her for like 3 scenes?? the show did her dirty even in s3 she should’ve had more scenes her storyline was amazing :/ i did enjoy her and zach’s friendship it was so refreshing to see a m/f friendship and i’m glad they didn’t make them romantic. i didn’t expect her and scott to date but go girl!!

diego: literally came out of nowhere where were you for the other 3 seasons? i literally laughed every time he would talk about missing monty like who cares if he got you into football he was a rapist no one cares. i hated how he made clay go literally insane by pulling those pranks on him and calling him psycho?? “why’d you bring a knife” MF YOU GAVE IT TO HIM???? he was nice at the end so i guess i’ll give him some points and he also wasn’t a HUGE jerk i liked how him and justin helped each other when the cop was being racist/a dick and that he seemed upset at justin’s funeral

estela: her and tyler were super cute together and i loved how she acknowledged what monty did and didn’t try to make excuses to defend him. also loved how she wanted to join HO and was completely different from monty

so overall that was my review of the season, i will miss the characters so much and zalex will continue to haunt me every night i cannot escape 💔 jess and alex are my emotional support characters who would’ve thought. selena gomez and the 13rw writers you will pay for your crimes this season!

hello icha!! i finally got around to finishing the stranger haha,, by which i mean i just watched it today. was veryyyy excited for it as i really like the poster design for this one. anyways. this event starting w/ the sort of portrait format or whatever / that narration is like. god. threw me right back to autumn troupe. I kind of love that the storytelling format itself is so distinct for autumn! the moment I realized it was omi I started getting teary… like oh man oh man… omi…. And the connection with him taking photos! ahh!! now that I think about it… omi kind of seems a bit like early version tsumugi, huh? also I keep forgetting this man is a college student lol. suspension of disbelief I suppose. onto the play i think like. mankai should invest in a fainting courch for tsuzuru. i also went to watch the play and 1) im betting yuki had a hell of a time costume design wise like the vines on the body? such fun costuming wise and 2) the ethical implications of whatever this play has,,, fun fun. tsuzuru was clearly having some kind of thoughts. i love zeros design and am always up for a3 characters crossdressing bc 1) i think its fun and 2) the costume design. i also dearly wish this whole thing was animated bc I feel like it’d be o fun to see taichi act as zero. or at least I hope this event gets full voiced one day... moving on to the scene where omi adds soy sauce to the paella I know it’s just like haha homare funny so lets five him a lil bit but like everyone in autumn troupe making their comments on the paella and like homare just jumping in. homare autumn troupe besties. just thinking. also the way they just r like. no no no omi it’s fine if u made a mistake!! it’s ok! we like it (you) anyways <3 it’s got it’s own special taste. something something omi’s perfectly pleasant as he is now but even if he weren’t on his a-game and was dealing with all of the biker gang stuff they would love him just as hard. another thing that got me was omi telling banri that he’ll give him something sweet so juza will stop grinding his teeth in his sleep… guys… guys you’ll give him cavities…. mb omi is a college student after all lol.

anyways when i saw the actual costumes. appreciative of them, i like the lil circuit-esque detailing on banri’s outfit, and that sakyo and taichi (nine and zero) both share that like collar detail? its very symbolic and probably also literal but its a nice way to sort of signify their relation to each other visually! also sakyo just looks nice. seeing him without glasses is so great. whoever thought up the like two mole detail for him was doing gods work.

something that confused me was ryo mistaking juza for nachi for a split second? like. does juza… look similar to nachi? or was it just that ryo only heard juzas voice and made that mistake. if it’s appearance wise too. kumon nachi confirmed. I’m joking lol bc I feel like I would’ve heard at least something abt it in one of the like small conversation comments, plus that doesnt seem like itd fit summer troupes style and kumon is for sure the wrong age… but still.

i really like how for this event, the roles for taichi and omi were kinda reversed. and taichis just so like. idk. smiley. rly lifts ur spirits. its kind of nice how this event contrasts to that cg where taichi is crying on omi. I also think like. idk. considering the story of the stranger. wolf gives zero a sense of purpose and life and I think that zero helps wolf lose his apathy. it’s about “the stranger” and the ending makes him like… not a stranger, right? because he’s got a companion. in the same way, taichi brings omi out of his emotional isolation. the picture taking! also the stickers coming back… thats such a good setup! the found family of it all!!

when he was trying to work out zeros character as soon as taichi mentioned a sharp speaking style I KNEW it was Yuki… yuki would never be as honest as zero is though lol… to me i imagine she’s got a sort of juza internal monologue feel? anyways. the taichi yuki dynamic intrigues me. havent yet decided how I feel abt it but when I do… yes. sorry that I make literally no sense. I think it’s very obvious that yuki is my fav chara kind of? I’m just. hmmm it makes me think! I’ve been monologuing to myself abt the yuki and juza dynamic lately which, to my a3 knowledge so far, doesn’t exist, but its ok bc I’ll make it exist! uhhh anyways this event was very good i liked the pacing. i think it didnt drag too hard and it really properly honed in on just omi and taichi, which was quite nice. they really did a lot for just an event!

time to listen to the event song,,, ok so. ah. i rly enjoyed just for myself it was very much to my taste so. out of curiousity i was like ok lemme look up the composer / producer AND IT WAS YUYOYUPPE....... that guy is like!!!! one of my FAV producers ever!!!!!! i know him from like. his vocaloid days and god leia is still one of my fav songs to this day...! this knowledge gives me so much joy omg!!! like wow!! wowwww!!! like i knew yuyoyuppe was out there doing other stuff (i know he worked on a lot of babymetal music which is cool) but like idk. to suddenly encounter it like this. heheh.... its so nice! made me soooo happy. going to relisten to leia now haha

WAIT ONE MORE THING. i was like "haha let me look at other songs i remember liking a lot" which. for me was rakuen oasis and don't cry. anyways. rakuen oasis is ALSO by yuyoyuppe???? oh my god!!! oh my god... sigh. feel like im in heaven.

OH HI FRIEND!! so good to see you with an a3 update!! :D

godd yeah The Stranger started so strongly and the idea to still incorporate portraits in his story was really something to make us cry!

And linking Omi and Tsumugi like this is pretty interesting :O <hat is your reasoning exactly? :O

For the fainting couch for Tsuzuru LMAO and i'm letting you know there's a webcomics that addresses it in Act 2 (hough there's no spoilers aside from the fact Chikage is here)

Im glad you liked the costume and the play!!! yeah i love the designs and it is always a blast to see them this into it, and yeaaah Tsuzuru has thoughts huh. It'll get voiced sooner than later hopefully and there we'll see more in details :3c but also that's what made the seiyuu live so fun bc they perform the songs in play cosplay and replay a bit of the play everytime and it's *chief kiss*

HOMARE AUTUMN TROUPE SOLIDARITY YES. LOVING IT.

And yeah the scene itself was so cute TwT they all want to reassure Omi and be there for him it's so sweet :( but yeah i love how you say it all, Omiimi TwT

and dLKFJDFLKJFDFD Giving Juza cavities is the price to pay for sleep i guess??

yeah agreed on the costume they all look so cool! and nice catch on how those three seem linked like that with their costumes, Yuki (and the designers) does such a good job! and god yeah for Sakyo.. yeah. He has sucha good design dLKJFDF

aND DLKFJD yeah no Juza is supposed to look like Nachi physically, but mostly his face? like i think Nachi was had green hair? we see a sprite of him in a future story, and yeah, everything is in the eyebrows. so Kumon should be safe? Omi mentions he sees a lot of Nachi in Juza, and while it is mostly due to their passions i think, the fact they're also rough looking guy with a heart of gold must play a part as well. but yeah, he does look like Nachi a bit.

and i love your deeper analysis of the event yeah!!

I feel like Taichi is really an emotional core of the troupe in the sense that is, he tends to catch on what others are feelings easily. And he uses it in the early chapters to ease off the tensions and stuff, but he was being held back by knowing he was deceiving them. So now that he's more free, he can be more of himself. but yeah i also love the contrast with how Omi was the one to help Taichi through his breakdown and guilt, and now it's the other way around, it's Taichi helping him through it. and the parallelism between the play and their dynamic is spot on imo! well said!!

and god yeah the sticker things made me cry sO HARD, and the pictures! and everything!! sobs it's such a sweet found family i'm going to cry :(

And! i love what you say about Yuki, Taichi and Juza on this one. I love that Taichi keeps bringing it back to "that childhood friend" and it's always like. so obvious who it is for us rip. But it can make you wonder if Yuki was more honest as a kiddo when Taichi knew him, though now he's clearly not. I love the mention of how Zero is more like Juza's internal speech (which, if anything is another argument about why you should let Juza wear a dress, cOWARD)

but also your mention of the Yuki and Juza thing, while i can't think of them having a dynamic per se yet, but i actually wrote a post during my reread about how i was baffled at the fact they treated Muku the same way?? like both of them tried to push Muku away because they were scared of how people would react if they say pure, sweet Muku was associated to them. And i find it fascinating because i guess those two are pretty aware of how the world see them, and it used to stop them from fully allowing them to be themselves.

I also find it relevant with the fact Yuki says in his personal song that while all of this way people judge him weight on him, he rather be himself, and "I want to love myself". Meanwhile we have Juza who's also aware of the way people judge him and it weight on him, and he wants to change himself from this person he hates, this self loathing - and in a way, he can grow in a way to be "someone" he may not hate, even on stage. I feel like those two have quite a bit in common in this way of being rejected by their peers in some sort of way.

I really want them to share some stuff at some point because there's really a groundwork on it all :(

But i'm really glad you liked that event!! agreed on the pacing and i do love what it brings to the characters! it really fleshes them out and have them move forward a little and it's pretty sweet.

AND OMG THAT'S SO COOL FOR THE SONG!! i'm so glad you liked it, but that's incredible it turned out to be from one of your fav producer!!! ahah sometimes life is like that where you end up finding the stuff you loved back into new stuff! and the fact Rakuen Oasis was from him as well... that's so cool!!! just, so so cool!

im pretty sure he has more songs going forward so i hope you'll enjoy the ride even more!!

thank you once again for sharing your thoughts about a3 :3c it always makes me so happy to see them!!!

Thank youu <3 have a good day :3c

crash landing on you.

woah...if a drama ever could crash land, oh i mean ‘descend’ into my heart it was this one. it descended from the greatest drama writers and has been placed into my list of top dramas of all time. like i’m telling you it’s up there with ‘scarlet heart ryeo’, ‘something in the rain’ and ‘mr. sunshine’. seriously it will not disappoint you and i would give it 100 out of 10. 

overview.

this drama follows se-ri, a ceo of an impressive cosmetic-lifestyle brand in seoul. she goes to test drive some of her paragliding products, and a nasty storms ends up sending her to north korea. after landing, she soon meets ri jung-hyuk, a captain in north korea monitoring the boarder. the drama follows him protecting her to deliver her home to south korea, and how their relationship flourishes in the diversity they face from two very different sides of the boarder.

there is romance, family drama, political issues, and cultural differences that are presented in this drama. and i was absolutely there for it all. i ended up writing down my thoughts and fave moments from each episode. because from the start i knew this drama would wreck my heart, and i wanted to look back at all the good times, and times i cried my eyes out of course. so i posted a week-by-week playback from the drama so if you want to see my random thoughts from each week here is the link week-by-week playback.

*spoiler alert* they are ahead, you have been warned.

i have many thoughts, and i am writing this the day i finished the drama. so i will do my best to touch on everything that really struck me throughout this drama. i may even have to go back and update later on, because it is a lot to process.

characters. 

i appreciated that we followed so many characters and that the characters were dynamic and held their own for the plot and development of the story.

ri jeong-hyeok and yoon se-ri. their relationship developed so beautifully. i loved how he had a heart to protect her immediately. from their first meeting and him directing her how to leave the north, and her running towards it just showed their personalities perfectly. once he discovered  that she was still there he was determined to get her out safely, and to protect her no matter the cost. when we come to find that they met long before, it just went to show how deep their connection and destiny was (cue me singing lyn’s ‘my destiny’ from my love from the star at least twice an episode). he saved her life many a times, as well as her saving his. they had so many moments. some of my faves (obvi not a comprehensive list all of their moments, that would be too much for my heart):

her falling from the tree saying he was totally her type. 

how he kept trying to meet her needs even though it was ridiculous and not necessities for the north, but were needs for her as a lady from the south. from making her food, to getting her the candles and body products from the market.

when she was lost in the market and he got a scented candle to lift up to find her.

him keeping her photo even though he called her out saying that it was silly to get extras.

after ri jeong-hyeok got shot protecting her, and their first kiss moment at the hospital. 

when ri jeong-hyeok’s family kidnaps her and they meet again at his family home.

when seri played on the piano and we discovered that it was jeong-hyeok’s song all along, the song for his brother that saved her life. when she contemplated suidcide in switzerland.

when his brother’s watch came full circle, to provide pertinent information in turning in the bad man and being the gift se-ri had bought to gift to jeong-hyeok.

when he followed her to the south to protect her, and they met on the street.

when he and the boys surprised her for her birthday.

him waiting for her after he was taken by the NIS and they allowed him to be at her bedside in the ICU until she woke up from the coma.

him leaving her a fully stocked fridge and writing out recipes for her. along with leaving her text messages for a year. 

him leaving her a recording of him playing the piece on the piano for her to fall asleep, rather than her depending on sleeping medications.

them writing i love you with books on the shelf.

captain ri’s company. i throughly enjoyed the addition of getting to know all of his men. they all developed a friendship with se-ri and it was so precious. and how she gave them all rewards before she was meant to leave the first time, and gifted them things. i loved how they all came to love her and wanted to protect her, which is especially prominent in how they all surround her after she was shot by cheol-gang. 

ju-meok and his love for south korean dramas throughout the episodes was precious. i loved that seri was able to make his dream and gift come true to meet his favorite actress. eun-dong a precious bean, just wanting to see his family, not always knowing what was going on, but always providing emotional support. kwang-beom the handsome face, who blew his cover in the south when all the agencies wanted to recruit him (hahaha). and of course chi-su the one most hesitant to accept her, came to love her most and became the most accustomed to the lifestyle of the south. 

these men tended to provide the perfect comedic relief for many tense moments. their one liners were perfect. i appreciated them coming to the south and trying to get accustomed to blend in. all those scenes were hilarious from them in the stores walking around with their knock off brand names, hours in the internet cafes, sauna stays, and chicken dinners. some notable moments include the birthday celebration scene, when seri thought they had left and gone back to the north and starts weeping on the floor, just for them to come out for the ‘surprise’. and them saying wait ju-meok you said surprises were a good idea but she is crying. another moment being when ri jeong-hyeok was showing seri his scars saying hers won't be too bad, and them walking in thinking something scandalous was happening, (this even happened when captain ri was in the hospital in north korea hahaha).

jeong-hyeok’s family. the storyline behind his brother was kind of dropped, and it was kinda sad because i feel like it shaped jeong-hyeok immensely. but it was so sad that his brother passed in such a tragic way at the hands of cheol-gang. and that it brought jeong-hyeok back from his dream as a pianist to fulfill what he needed to for his family. his father was stern and hilarious in the scene when the two of them finally met again. just being baffled that his only son left was in love with a woman from the south. his mother was so supportive of him, and i loved that. she just wanted her only son to be happy in life and come back alive. 

now seri’s family is whole other story they were WACK. like seriously insane and it was ridiculous. her father and mother redeemed themselves compared to the beginning, once seri returned they kept it in check and wanted the best for her. i loved how the mother and daughter relationship blossomed and how she was there for her daughter in recovery and grieving the loss of jeong-hyeok as he went back to the north. that was beautiful. 

now on to her oppa se-hyeong and his witch of a wife sang-a. they wanted to keep her in the north, then when she was back to send her back/use it against her in business ventures, then tell cheol-gang her address so he could take her. like what?!?! her eldest brother and his wife were oblivious and just wanted money and titles, but dang at least they didnt send an ex NK officer after seri. and it was only until the man-bok wire tapped the room while she was in a coma did it come out that they were truly evil. 

our second otp. seung-jung and seo dan. my goodness what an unexpected pairing, but you know i was on that ship as soon as i saw it developing. i loved how they dished what the other served, and how seung-jung was a different person who wanted to do better by her, seriously they were great. i loved that seo dan saw that she was worthy and deserved to have a man that wanted her and saw her true beauty and qualities that made her a strong and independent woman. and that she didnt need to pursue something that was not vibrant because jeong-hyeok did not pursue her how she deserved, because he had someone else in his heart. i loved this relationship. and i really did not appreciate that we finally had major character development from seung-jung, and then he died. like seriously?! we went from only a few episodes prior going to turn seri into her brother and keep her there in the north. and then he went to protect seo dan and ended up losing his life to protect her. 

the moment he asked her what she was referring to when she said, ‘i like it’. was it jeong-hyeok, was it the ramen, or was it him (seung-jung)?!? and she responded with him, weeping. i weeped like a baby. and then he died in the ambulance. i couldn't contain it.

seo dan’s family. i loved her mother, she provided much comedic relief when it came to how seo dan and jeong-hyeok were originally engaged, to kinda getting on the ship of ‘alberto’, to being like maybe it’s fine if she is alone, let me get myself a man. it was hilarious. i also loved how she went into the village and used her money on the black market to get goods to the ladies of the village. it was quite funny to see how much of the south, she appreciated even though they were pretty high up in status in the north. like the boutiques she went to, and the english phrases, and south korean products she used. 

the women of the village. these women were precious. they were hilarious in how they always prepared the best for jeong-hyeok when he came back from the outpost. i loved how the village banned together to protect seri and how seri made limited edition products in tribute to them. 

the premise and themes.

overall the idea of this concept is wild and completely ridiculous. that she was hidden for so long, that they met before in switzerland of all places, and that it took her weeks to escape the north and it took 8 men 12 hours to get there is ridiculous. but then again if we didn’t have these wild storylines would it really be a drama? 

it was interesting to see their perspective of life in the north, for the duration of the drama i was wondering how much of this is true. from the market to the wiretapping of the homes, to the guards and military structure. it was all very intriguing. and i also have issues with people saying this drama glorified north korea because i would like to see those receipts because i did not see it portrayed as a wonderful place to live. it looked difficult and cold, and terrifying! 

the only thing that humanized it was the people, which is how it is in these situations. the people there, just typical everyday people, do not necessarily reflect the hierarchy of hate portrayed by officials of the government. 

it was so sad at the place that seri was incredibly vulnerable and wanted to take her own life. she insanely depressed and how jeong-hyeok in that precise moment when he was sad and alone wrote a piece of music for his brother that brought her out of her own darkness was beautiful. even though they did not talk or communicate face to face, the heart behind his music brought her out. and they were eventually able to come full circle and meet and grow together. se-ri is an incredible strong character and i wish she had the support she needed from her family and friends. i am glad that jeong-hyeok was able to be there for her, and meet her in her most vulnerable moment on the bridge.

cinematography and episode layout.

i loved the filming of this. like seriously it was beautifully done. from the dynamic scenes in nature and traveling through the forests, to the cityscapes and small moments they highlighted.

i appreciated how we followed the cohesive storyline, but that at the end of each episode we got an extra tidbit to take with us. one of the most noteworthy ones being when the NIS was investigating the ‘spies’/captain ri’s men and looking at all their histories and transactions and places they visited (HILARIOUS). then at the end of that episode it flashed back to the NIS, and now they were looking into jeong-hyeok. and it showed the collective moments that him and se-ri shared and the investigator said that a psychologist viewed all the materials and found to conclude that jeong-hyeok was in love with se-ri. then the lead investigator was like, ‘no duh, you needed a psychologist to tell you that bro. i can see it with my own eyes’. i laughed so hard. 

these end scenes at the end of the episodes were also pivotal in piecing together their histories. and seeing how they had met long ago and that destiny truly brought them together. 

the ending.

i am partially satisfied with the ending. i like how we got to see where everyone went. like even the little things of how man-bok and his family ended up in pyeongyang. and that the village ladies were same old same old even with a new captain showing up. 

i was disappointed that our second otp was ripped apart by those chinese gangsters, because we could have had it all, and not the tragic ending of him protecting her from the bad men and dying a slow painful death and they finally confessed their love for each other. 

i loved that our couple found each other eventually, after years but that it was while she was paragliding, which i freaking called it being like wouldn't that bring us full circle! it was wild and i loved how it ended with them on a picnic enjoying life in a little house with all their photos, because that's how it all started. i wish we could have seen them in the future with their twins, but ya know i’ll take this ending over a scarlet heart ryeo for our main leads.

the ost. 

my goodness i have never had a great drama with a subpar ost tracks. and this one does not fall short. now, i have drama ost playlists each each, and i believe every track from this drama made the list, because *insert slow clap* they are fantastic. my faves:

‘flower’ by yoonmirae.

‘here i am again’ by yerin baek.

‘all of my days’ by sejeong.

‘photo of my mind’ by song ga in.

‘let us go’ by crush. (his tracks always get me)

‘give you my heart’ by iu.

now if you haven't watched it yet go get netflix and watch this one because it will not disappoint. and i will have to rewatch it eventually because it really was perfect. and i am sure there are many easter eggs that i missed. 

wooowowowoo i miss summer camp so much

like this is my second year without going and as much as it sucked i loved it

there is a large rant about the place and like every single living detail i remember about it under the cut (is that the right phrase to use for this idk)

like the big field with the train tracks next to it and the beehives on one edge. i miss throwing a frisbee for my few friends there and laughing when i would get it stuck in a tree or they would throw it and it would go so far away. and i miss jumping on the trampoline and getting so pissed off (jokingly) at the dudes spending like 10 decades on it and because i was the only british person there they would be somewhat scared of me? so i would literally stare at them somewhat angrily and with my shitty latvian accent complain about how long they are taking and they would get off LMAO it only worked on the dudes younger than me but it worked... and the basketball on the small court !!! :D im not good at like,, throwing ball type games tbh? but like this court was magical because like 9/10 i would actually get it in and score a point and i loved how,, rapid (?) the games were like if you failed to get it in at a certain point you would be out and you had to get it in to stay in the game !!

and i remember the lake!!! it had a lot of those thingies.. oysters? idk i googled it and thats what they looked like. i can still remember the feeling of them and they were sharp LMAO and there was a zipline thing you could go on and it would take you to the middle of the lake and you could jump into it from there. and there was a game we played where we would be in two teams and then we would send a person down the zipline and if they fell in we would all have to do i think 10? pushups and it was fun cheering on people from the small platforms next to the zipline !! and we used to build a sorta dodgy looking sauna using some planks of wood and a big blue tarp that was held down by some rocks and we would collect sticks to make a fire with and then we would go sit in it and just talk and chill in the sauna. not everyone wanted to go, understandably considering iirc i put it off the first year i went but then tried it the next and loved it, so there was enough room for all of us to comfortable sit and even lie down on the log benches !! and we even had like,, bay leaf sticks with the leaves on it and stuff and we would dunk them into a bucket of water and then gently hit someone who was lying down as a like,,, relaxation thing? and it was so nice and it smelt SO GOOD it smelt like wood and grass and nature and it was sweet in a savoury way and i miss the smell so much just thinking about it. like you could literally smell the bay leaves because of the water evaporating after you take it out the bucket. and the hot air was so much harder to breathe when you stood up and it felt thicker and the air lower to the ground was cool so when you found it hard to breathe you would basically stick your head onto the grass to get a bit of cool and it felt so good !! and we would take breaks to drink water and pour cold water on ourselves or we would go into the lake though the last time i went a lot of the lake had dried up D: but its okay because i still have good memories with the lake when it wasnt like that. once during the sauna we went in the lake after and the sky was so clear like i could see all the stars and i could see the big dipper and it was just so beautiful. i even used the zipline to get into the lake that time as well and it was just so magical. i was kinda like,, sleepy (?) so i kinda was just not fully there so it was like so much cooler because i didnt feel real during it and it was just amazing.

omg and the activities we would do. we went on a hike in a forest and it was SO COOL like we would have to go climb up the steep hill that separated the field area and the train tracks and we would literally go onto the train tracks and at the time there wasnt any trains so we got to literally touch the tracks and we would go into the forest and IT WAS SO COOL like the light came in at a perfect angle and it was so pretty and we would pick blueberries and aaaaaaaa it was so amazing !! and we would split up and walk to an area to play some games using the trees and it was amazing. and also we would just do sports games using the field but also we went BIKING!!!! they had so many bikes for the people who didnt bring their own and we would go on the bikes and cycle to some sand dunes literally like 5 minutes away from the place and climb up them and jump and stuff and we carved tic tac toe grids into the stable parts and played and it was so fun AND I LITERALLY SAW A LIZARD CLIMB UP ONE OF THE EDGES INTO THE GRASS LMAO and we also cycled to a lake

this one to be exact!! and we would jump off from the small pier thing and swim around back to the edge and it had sand and a slide and it was generally really fun cycling to and from there. i did cause multiple crashes with the bikes while cycling there LMAO mainly because my brain just tends to blow things out of proportion for no reason and like LMAO someone would start coming a bit closer to me and i would panic and stop and then everyone behind me would then have to immediately stop and they would crash into me.. like once i got my cousin to come with me and someone looked like they were gonna go behind my cousin who was in front of me and i panicked because i didnt want to be separated from her so i just stopped because i was panicking too much and everyone behind me crashed into me LMAO and they were all like 'bruuuuh' but anyways it was really fun cycling there because i went past the place my aunt on my mums side got married + the place my uncle on my dads side got married (no they did not marry each other it was separate weddings) !! a few times i didnt go cycling because i just didnt feel good and didnt want to go but it was okay in the end because i was all alone in the cabin and i would just sleep and draw while waiting for them to come back and they would flood in cycling down the small hill that leads to the field and has the bike area and i would just see them from the porch of the cabin and it was cool :D

mMmMmmmmmMMM and the food area !! we would usually sit inside the pizzeria (because the place was also a pizzeria more on that later) and it was fun because we had breakfast, lunch, dinner + a night snack thing (its called naksniņas) and like even though im usually the pickest eater at the camp and they had to make exceptions for me because we werent allowed dessert at lunch unless we ate all our food like i still got to eat a lot lol like there was usually something i could eat even if i couldnt eat all of it and the juice was so nice and ngl i kinda liked being on the like,,, duty of having to set up before the meals + clean up after because getting all the stuff and setting it up was just so peaceful and calm and i loved it and mmmmsmsmsmsmsm it was so cool and THE NIGHT SNACK THING WAS LITERALLY THE BEST it was practically dessert for dinner but right before bed + we would do an activity after dinner before it !! i talked to my dad and figured out the spelling of the word because im not that good at latvian atm and mmmm . also like we would have tea and it was so good !! we would also have a small snack like a biscuit or cereal bar and it was so nice good way to end the day :D

i also lost an entire waterbottle there dont ask how

the cabins were nice because i usually end up on the second floor level thing of it and theres a small window on it !! and a cool ladder to get up to it though its a pain when camp first starts + when it finishes because you have to pack everything up while trying to not hit your head on any of the beams or the slant of the cabin roof and you have to haul everything up and down... other than that its so fun because theres small holes (like,,, really small. cant fit a pen down it) and when the people in the two rooms below that cabin spot are being pisstaking you can pour water down it and they shut up LMAO its really funny because they see the water dripping and get more pissed off and then become less annoying and we used to slip them notes to tell them to shut up LMAO also listened into their convos to be annoying too

anyways to finish off with my favouritest things ever about it. last day we would make pizzas and your family would be there and you could make multiple pizzas ! i usually made one for my parents / family and then one for myself and my sister because we r really picky and dont like cheese . and it was so fun and the pizzas were SO GOOD and i share the other pizza thats not mine with my family because i hate cheese and they are happy too. i also love the one evening where we cook dinner ourselves i think thats the sauna night as well but omg its so nice we have dough balls to wrap around a stick and asduidfohih its so nice omg i love them so much right because we take the stick and then toast them over a fire and when you do them right its a tiny bit doughy on the inside but a safe amount and its like,, slightly crispy in a good way on the outside so amazing and like you can put stuff in it like cheese and ketchup and stuff but i just eat mine plain and they are so good mmmamMMm and we also have watermelon iirc and it was so good overall like best evening of the camp :)

anyways i love camp and i miss it

*Kurtis Conner clap* Folks, I’m here, Bertha is up and running, Harry Styles’ cover of Juice by Lizzo is on repeat, and I’m ready to say my thoughts. This may be long bc like Link, i tend to use 3 sentences to say something that could be said in 3 words. Anyway, this post is mainly for myself bc I have a lot to say andi i want to document it somewhere, you are in no way obligated to read this. The rest will be under a cut. (Hopefully, i barely know how tumblr works)

So first things first. I had a feeling the were going to talk about religion. Judging by the fact that they said they have never talked about the topic publicly, and from where they grew up it had to come up eventually. So i was kinda in a way prepared, but also not. I knew they had to be religious, bc they grew up in the south. But i never quite knew the extent, and i never really cared. After all, it is their business and if they wanted something to be private i didnt want to actively seek it out or snoop around, I’ve been a fan for a little over a year, and i joined tumblr about 10 months ago. I know religion is a very touchy subject and i knew they were accepting of LGBT people and i’ve read that article thing Rhett published so i wasn’t too concerned or anything.

But hearing how dedicated they actually were, shocked me. When they said they were missionaries at some point I honestly felt a little betrayed. Betrayed because they’ve had this story where they quit engineering and started youtube everywhere. It was in countless interviews, and basically was a part of their brand. So i felt as though i was being lied to. But then i realized that they didn’t want to talk about it because their whole brand is about accepting everyone, unity, and coming together to enjoy something no matter our differences. And usually if people knew they were that religious, it would turn them off of that.

After i listened to the whole episode, and actually while i was listening to it, I just felt,,, weird. I can’t pinpoint exactly way i felt weird. Maybe it’s because i usually wait until the video version comes out and i wasn’t used to listening to them without being able to see them. Or maybe it was because the topic was so deep and personal, and i felt like i was intruding. Or maybe it was because i learned so much more about them that it was a little shocking and hard to process. Either way, i felt weird, and i still kind of feel that way, but not so much anymore after i’ve had time to process it.

I just want to say this. I’m so proud of them. They’ve come so far from where they were, and this topic is so personal and hard to talk about. I’ve seen some people being angry at them for talking about this as if the way it was back then were “the good ol’ days” or “the glory days” and that they should be ashamed of their past. I’ve got a few things to say about this.

My whole life, I’ve gone to church. And while my views on religion have greatly changed, i still go to church. Every sunday when i was a kid, i went to sunday school. Every year in middle school, i’d go to a church camp in the winter. Now, my family is Lutheran. It’s basically a chiller version of Catholicism. I’ve never felt as though I had to live my life devoting myself to God and the church. I knew people who did, but i never felt as though that kind of lifestyle was for me. I’m 19, and i’m still a bit confused as to what i believe in, but i do believe church is a trap. I’m bisexual, and while i’ve never experienced any kind of discrimination based on that, (mainly bc i’ not fully out of the closet) i do know that there are people out there who would do anything to get rid of every LGBT person on the planet. And those people are religious. So while i do go to church, i mainly do it to make my grandma happy. I do minimal participation. I’m still trying to figure out what i truly believe in, bc i do believe in science but also that there is something out there that did it.

But i do see where R&L are coming from. When i was younger, i was involved in my church. I took confirmation classes every week for 2 years and was confirmed, but most of it wasn’t my choice. If it was, i’d be staying home. But the thing i did choose to do, involved an audience. I was a part of a couple of girls my age who led the congregation during services about every other week. I went out and sang hymns in old folks homes. I was a part of a group of kids who would put on puppet shows for the children’s message during service about once a month. I performed several times in a group called “Movement Choir” which essentially was dancing with sticks. (Sounds dumb, kinda is) I was an honorary member of an adult choir that would perform about once a month. So needless to say, i did anything i could to do something in front of an audience. While i didnt quite truly believe all of the things i was singing, i still did it bc people were watching me.

And while i know Rhett and Link did say that they did believe in everything they were doing, i related to it. Because they saw an opportunity to perform, and they took it. It may be uncomfortable to hear but listening to this episode made me admire them even more because they had the courage to come clean. They were fully aware that religion has and still continues to cause trauma for so many people, and when Rhett mentioned women and LGBT individuals i damn near cried. I’m excited for the next episodes, because while this first one was a lot, they still didn’t dive as deep as they could’ve, because they wanted to get the timeline out of the way. I can’t wait to hear about they’re personal growth and about when they started to question what they were doing. Because when they said they did the conference for 10 YEARS starting in 1999, it shocked me. I had to pause it and kind of soak it in for a bit. I’m excited to learn mre about how they became who they are now. I’ll admit, i’m a bit nosy, and i love learning about why people are who they are.

So in conclusion, i think we shouldn’t accuse them of anything. Yes they did reveal quite a but in this episode, but there’s still so much we dont know. It maybe hard to wait a week for another episode, but try to distract yourself while you wait. I’m excited as fuck to hear more of their story as they reveal it. And please, be nice. Be your mythical best. If religion is a topic you can’t talk about, that’s ok. Do not think you are being left out. You are valid and not obligated at all to listen to the podcast. If you want to know certain details, don’t be afraid to ask me or anyone else who has listened to it.

I’m not sure how much of this actually made sense and if there’s any typos, mind your business. If you’ve gotten this far holy shit ily and have a great day. And remember to Be Your Mythical Best <3

Larry x florist reader

I turned our closed sign over to where the Open side was facing the street. The sunshine felt warm and happy as it shone down on me bringing our store sign out front. I wasnt sure if it was the warm sun, the fresh air, or being surrounded by flowers but today felt like a good day. Afterall I did get to spend my Friday caring to beautiful flowers at Miss. Nancy's Flower Shop. I had started working here at the age of 16 and just stuck with it, so when Miss. Nancy retired she left me as head florist.

It had just turned ten and the shop was fully ready for customers, and the flowers had been tended to. Once I got the radio flipped on I took a seat at the register and opened up my book. A few older ladies came in to buy some flowers but that was it so far. By the time three fifteen had rolled around I was so lost in a particularly interesting part of my book that I had completely missed the bell ringing as a customer entered the store.

"Uh hello?" A deep almost stone sounding voice asked making me jump from shock. I looked up to see a tall muscular man with long brown hair, big brown eyes, a longer nose, and dressed in a torn up SF tank top with ripped skinny jeans on. I recognized the man for two reasons, one of which was because he lived in my building I think just a floor above mine, and the second being he was in a local band that had gotten pretty popular. "Sorry for scaring you dude but I need help picking out some flowers." He chuckled smirking at me. I blushed standing up and brushing down the apron I wore over my clothes. "Of course sorry about that." I said with a smile. "Its no problem my friend Todd is the same way if he's reading a good book." He shrugged. The two of walked over to where the flowers were kept.

"So what kind of flowers are we looking for?" I asked while adjusting the pot of a sunflower. "Well I'm visiting my mom tonight and she's been a bit under the weather. What flowers are good for like a get well soon kinda thing?" He asked observing the large floral collection. "Gerbera daisies are perfect for a get well soon bouquet. You have the option of normal white dasies which is just as lovely or we have several prepared bouquets of multicolored ones. The morning sun bouquet is probably my personal favorite." I informed him grabbing the bouquet I had made that morning.

"Its perfect!" He said his eyes lighting up excitedly. I couldn't help but giggle at his excitement. "This one is fifty dollars but of course we do have other options depending on your budget. I said walking with him back to the register counter. "No these are perfect no amount of money is too much for my mom. She deserves something nice." He said genuinely. "Wow your mom's lucky to have someone so sweet." I beamed carefully wrapping up the flowers in the paper placing them gently in a big case. "Shes the coolest man she makes my friends feel like family, she feeds me all the time when I'm there, and she even supports my crazy rockstar job." He said with an appreciative smile. "This box should keep them safe till you see her tonight just make sure they dont get too smushed or anything." I said handing him the flowers.

He paid for the bouquet and left happily. Although I was happy he found such a nice boquet I was kinda disappointed to see him leave. The next week went by pretty quickly and soon it was another beautiful Saturday afternoon and I had done all my shopping for the day. When i returned to my apartment there was a bouquet of flowers in front of my door. Setting down my bags I picked up the package admiring it.

I recognized the boquet from the shop, it was the lavendar garden boquet that had white Roses, lavender daisy poms, Peruvian lilies, and lavender carnations. Smiling I looked around the hallway seeing no sign of who would have left me such a thoughtful gift. I picked up the card seeing there was a handwritten message.

Dear (y/n), sorry you probably recognize the flowers but I wanted to get you a beautiful gift and your shop has the best in state. I know this probably seems random but I see you in the lobby and in the halls all the time and your beauty has completely captured me. To quote some chick named Claudia Adrienne Grandi “If I had a single flower for every time I think about you, I could walk forever in my garden.” sincerely, your secret admirer.

I smiled my face warming with a blush. Who could possibly think such sweet thoughts of me? Picking up the rest of my stuff I entered the apartment putting the beautiful flowers in a vase of water. I couldn't help but keep returning my stare to them. Picking up the card I reread the message again and again smiling like a fool the while time. The handwriting had a sense of familiarity to it but I couldn't place who. The way it was written almost reminded me of Larry and the way he spoke but it was impossible that a man who travelled the world with more female groupies than the Beatles had would ever want a florist from his hometown.

That next Wednesday I was sitting at the register tapping my pen against the counter. It had been a pretty slow day and my mind kept going back to my secret admirer. That's when a thought popped into my head. The flowers had been purchase here, so if the person used a credit card there information would be on the receipt. Jumping up from my chair I began flipping through our receipts from this month till I found the one for my flowers. Sure enough the person had paid with a card. I read through the receipt my eyed landing on the name Larry Johnson at the bottom.

When I entered my apartment building I was still smiling like crazy and the thought of Larry Johnson having a crush on me. I couldn't help but keep thinking of it all day. I wanted to say something to him but wasnt sure what. I mean he didn't even know that I figured it out yet. After dinner I remembered that I still had to go down and get my mail since thinking about Larry had distracted me. When I got to the lobby I noticed Larry grabbing his own mail. We exchanged smiles as i made my way to my mailbox.

Despite my shaking hands I was able to unlock my mailbox and get out the contents. "(Y/n)?" A voice asked that I knew didnt belong to Larry. I turned to see my ex Derek and his girlfriend Lylah. "Hi Derek." I sighed facing them both. "This is Lylah although I'm sure you remember her from the office parties you went to. We just got back in town from a beauty competition Lylah won." He informed me both of them giving me an obnoxious smile. I listened to them "catching up" with me for an agonizingly long half hour before I escaped to my apartment. Basically he just kept talking about how beautiful Lylah was compared to how I looked. I stared in my mirror poking at every flaw I saw frowning.

I still felt just as bad the next morning opting for a hoodie and some paint stained leggings. Work was tortureously long and slow due to the rain but I made it through and got home. When I made it to my door another boquet was sitting at my doorstep. This time it was a gorgeous sunflower pink rose bouquet. Gently picking it up I grabbed the card.

Dear (Y/n), trying to find bouquets even close to as beautiful as you are is impossible. As beautiful as the bouquets that you make are you are too beautiful for even words or flowers to even compare. This was the most beautiful in the shop so I bought it. I'm sure you're confused but I got them from the other sales associate when you went on break. “A rose can never be a sunflower, and a sunflower can never be a rose. All flowers are beautiful in their own way, and that’s like people too.” never forget you're beautiful. Despite what any asshole might say. Sincerely, your secret admirer.

I felt tears fall down my cheeks reading his kind words. I wanted so badly to run to him and thank him and kiss him I knew I couldn't. He wanted to remain anonymous for a reason. That and I had no idea what apartment he was in.

The next week went by and I was feeling much better emotionally but unfortunately on Friday I woke up feeling extremely ill. I knew it wasnt anything serious just bad (headache/cramps). I suffered through Thursday relying on medicine but on Friday I was in no state to be working. I decided to spend the day in my baggy Sanitys Fall shirt with underwear underneath and no pants. Curled up with a blanket I turned on Netflix and fell asleep on the couch.

About two hours later I woke up parched and hungry. Wrapping the blanket around my shoulders I stumbled into the kitchen pouring some water. There was some shuffling coming from my door telling me someone was on the other side. It had to be Larry with more flowers so I decided to brave and open the door. When I opened the door he looked up at me embarrassed a blush on his face. "Oh (y/n) h-hey. I was just bringing these by um because you're sick and you said daisies were get well soon flowers and and-" he paused letting out a chuckle. "You knew didnt you?" He asked seeing the smile on my face. I nodded happily before speaking up. "Kiss me." I whispered in a hoarse voice. He smiled widely leaning down and pressing a gentle soft kiss to my lips. I kissed back wrapping my arms around him. When we pulled apart he handed me the flowers following me into the house. He made sure he spent the rest of the day taking care of me.

~Lex💛

WEAK BOUNDARIES pt1

theres always that one person that loves you so much that you'll never doubt yourself-- or your "lovability"-- ever again. my person came late, and it didnt last, but it changed me forever.

snap wasnt the most beautiful man in the world-- but he was cute. a mutual friend introduced us at brunch, and i thought he was funny, and decent, but i figured i would never see him again. socializing in the city was so transitory.

but i did see him again, that same day. i left brunch, ran some errands, and was craving something cheap and greasy, so i went to panda express. while devouring the thin and crispy chow mein noodles, i saw a cute lil bubble butt in line. i was staring, but maintaining my queer hyperviligance-- until i realized it was him. it was snap, wearing a tight jogging outfit, and it amused me. why go for a jog if youre just going to eat bad chinese afterwards? i was intrigued.

when he recognized me, he danced over and sat at my booth. he didnt look sweaty-- but who was i to judge? i mean, he was in better shape than i was, so he had more social capital in gay world; and he had soft skin, a professional beard, and liquid green eyes. the more i looked, the more i found things to like.

he was a therapist who worked at a middle school, and we made small talk about our mutual friends. he said i had a good effect on everyone in the group. my mere presence cooled the egos of the gays who tended to be more self-involved, he noticed. it was definitely shade, but i was humble and simply said thank you-- and i remained humble when he asked for my number. he was hard to read, but i was open to his friendship. he was funny, and decent.

later, i discovered he had a partner, who happened to be very handsome. a group of us went on the rooftop together to drink wine, and snap's partner had just returned from spain filled with stories, and we got along well. i noticed that as a couple, they werent intimidated by how i could cool and dazzle a crowd. they were both drawn to it.

it was always fun to run into them. one night, a group of us went dancing and we enjoyed being sloppy drunk messes together. snap cannot dance to save his life. he made awkward hip gyrations, leaned on one leg, and would thrust his arms out in long offbeat displays of emotionality. he was terrible, and dangerous to dance with, because you could easily lose an eye.

even when sober, he danced like a staggering drunk with no rthythm-- but i loved that about him. i loved seeing him express himself, because he truly looked free, and i admired that. it was his own interpretative dance, and eventually the three of us were slowly grinding together, to the gay classics. when they drove me home, i sensed "something" there, but i thought better of it and went home alone. i wasnt prepared to be that messy.

but then, the happy couple came to my spa, and invited me into their hot tub, while i was on the clock. they were both naked. i thanked them, but declined. id never had a threesome, and i was just beginning my queer sexual odyessy. i didnt want to experiment and get my sea legs with my friends. i felt there was too much to risk.

months went by, and eventually the happy couple broke up, just before christmas. they were together for a year. by now, our gay tribe was meeting once a week, and during our Monday Night Dinner, snap spilled the beans. he was distraught, because he had never been broken up with. not only was it devastating, but it was new, so we asked how we could support him. "just text and visit me more," he said. my heart bled for him.

so, i texted him, and visited him more. i even gave him a massage, and invited him out with us to dance or watch standup. i realized i didnt know that much about him, really. he was a secretive scorpio, despite his decent casual nature, and i enjoyed making him laugh, and letting him pour his stories into me. i was an unhealthy empath at the time, and it made me feel good to be a receptacle for his feelings, while also showing him a good time. i thought i was healing him! and so, snap grew very attached to me.

he invited me over to his apartment to see his shelves of comicbooks. we would play music and hold each other while he poured his soul into me, telling me about how he scared his partner away with his jealousy, and his insecurity. i should have seen the red flags early, but i was a trauma victim. i was traumatized from childhood to avoid prolonged human touch-- but snap made me feel so safe in his arms! it surprised me, and it was healing me. i felt like he could hold me all night, and i wouldnt try to escape. it clouded my judgment.

there were so many nights with snap: cuddling with him, spooning him, making him laugh, burying his face in my neck, wrapping our legs and touching feet, breathing, going to new thought churches, planning our new years eve, laying out ideas for a podcast, doing yoga, talking to Alexa, walking to the comicbook store holding hands, crying, talking about libido, making salty mario kart jokes, listening to his top 100 new year playlist, and just laying in bed, him playing with my necklace.

we made plans to drive to san mateo for new years, but while we were rolling around the bed, and i threatened to tickle him, he cried out in fear. it felt like i was struck with a cold lightning bolt! i jumped off of him! i was so sorry! but he said he was fine. he said he was only triggered, and he confessed that i had a lot of power over him. it was the night before new years eve, but i didnt sleep.

the next morning, we were organizing the trip, but he was dark and faraway. i wanted to talk about the night before, and the cry that haunted my thoughts, but he went completely silent. suddenly, i realized what i was doing. i was over-involving myself in snap's dramas, and abandoning my own boundaries. when snap finally spoke, he said that i was in a precarious situation, because snap was still sensitive because of his ex, and he didnt want to take it out on me.

why was i abandoning my friends on new years to be with someone i just met? why was i playing caretaker for snap when he needed to be alone, to process his breakup? i was out of order, so i tried to bail. perhaps i should be with my friends instead. "this is your pattern!" he shouted angrily. "why are you doing this?"

i dug deep.

"im afraid that youre just saying youre fine, but secretly youre still mad at me!" i confessed, starting to cry. "i feel like im being punished for making a mistake!"

next thing i knew, i was sobbing in his arms, and he was stroking my head, soothing me, while my diaphragm pushed hoarse cries into his chest. this wasnt normal or proportionate, and we never resolved the actual issue. instead, we were trauma bonding, and when i finished sobbing, i was filled with so many chemicals, and i was so relieved from expressing my childhood trauma, that i changed my mind and went to san mateo with him.

it was his coworkers new years party, and we ate sliders on hawaiian buns, drank wine, danced the cumbia, and bought a hotel to sleep together. we changed into pajamas, spooned, and in the dark, with my arms around him, snap said, "where have you been all my life?"

when we returned home, i didnt leave. i helped change his bedding, i coached him through his exercises, and he lipsync'd to his favorite songs while i gushed. snap was becoming important to me. whatever he believed, especially about me, affected me greatly. i wanted to be his favorite person in the whole world.

he asked to take me to capitola for another vacation, but my friends warned me that we should spend some time apart, and i sensed they were right, so i did. snap was disappointed, but he went with his friends without me-- until he called me from capitola, and said he was coming back early, to see me. his girlfriends said he talked about me the whole trip, and he offered to drive back, even pick me up some food, and take me to a party.

"i cant believe i miss you this much after just two days!" he laughed. i hugged him tightly. i was happy he missed me. i never wanted to be apart from him, and he felt the same way! he even offered to throw my 30th bday party!

meanwhile, he was showering me with gifts. "look in the bag," he said one night. he had purchased me $60 worth of allergy supplements, the ones i had always wanted! i jumped on top of him and kissed him all over his face.

"youve shown up for me in such a powerful way, and it means more than words can say," he said, holding me. "youre my favorite person."

it was like crack.

we were fully enmeshed.

snap wasnt healing from his past relationship, and i was letting him use me as a distraction. i wanted his energy! i wanted his attention! i didnt care! it was a fully functioning codependent relationship-- and soon, i would have to fight my way out of it.

Misc thoughts of rambling development for my new yokai watch ocs family of hugs and sadness (blythe the Dimmy and amber the Gorgeous Ambassador)

* Amber was totally still Gorgeous Ambassador at heart even back when he was human. I feel like he probably dressed very plain and was very self concious for a long time, as well as also being poor as dirt so it wasnt really easy to be super fashion time. Perhaps the only way he was really able to be remotely flambouyant or pretty was just having a long ponytail that he was very proud of. It would have been easier to maintain a shorter hairstyle when you're struggling to even find somethibg to eat each day let alone a bath, but it just helped him hold on to a tiny bit of confidence. Even when he reincarnated as Gorgeous Ambassador he was still unconfident for a long time and it took all these centuries to fully embrace The Power Of Gorgeous. He was probably really shocked when he got his medal registered and heard his new yokai name, like uhh excuse me "must beautiful man who spreads beauty through the world with his smile" are you sure there hasnt been a mixup??? And nowadays he's become so happy with himself that he maybe dresses a little bit gaudy sometimes, but if you saw how he used to feel then you'd absolutely be cheering for him!

* he was probably worried that Blythe wouldn't recognise him when he finally managed to reunite with them, but i think the lil shadow ghost instantly knew it was their brother and ran straight into the biggest hug ever. "Im worried they'll think im all cringe and gaudy" NO UR LIL SIB IS IN AWE OF YOUR FASHION POWER AND HAPPY FOR YOUR CONFIDENCE

* I also think Amber would absolutely be proud of how much confidence Blythe has gained through travelling with the protagonist and co. Like "aaa the last time i saw you you were so tiny and shy!" "Yes, now i'm tall and shy!" "NUUUU STOP PUTTING YOURSELF DOWN"

* basically they are absolutely Shyness Fam, and Amber just approaches his anxieties differently with over-the-top fake boasting about his greatness instead of being honest about how bad he feels. So thats why itd be so heartwarming to see him genuinely making progress and genuinely seeing good parts of himself. ALL THANKS TO THE INTERNATIONAL GORGEOUSNESS ASSOCIATION OF THE AFTERLIFE, YES *cheesy makeover ads fly by in the background*

* Dimmy's fave food is rice balls not just cos ninja monster = rice balls, but cos for Blythe specifically it brings back happy memories of backstory ninja Amber in ye olden days packing lunches of love for his tiny friend. He was always broke in between finding bountys to hunt, so he was never able to cook anything too fancy, but those simple meals became associated with childhood in Blythe's heart. All the times this big strong human swordsman would have a moment of gentleness and offer his last bit of food to a useless little yokai like them. ("No!! You're a valued part of the team!! And growing children need this more than i do!! Besides, i'm so tough i don't need to eat." *stands up for a minute and blacks out*)

* Since this backstory took place before thee yokai watch was invented, you cant technically say Amber was Blythe's previous watchholder but like.. He totally was? Same formula of being a human you partner with and then go around fighting/befriending other yokai. I like to think that maybe before yokai medals became the latest trend and they set up the whole official regulated medal registration process, yokai would still give their human friends some sort of token of their friendship but it was just less organised. Like imbuing their soul energy into all sorts of shit like This Leaf I Found or One Shoe. Which could be used in the same way to summon them but obv was less conveinient, haha! I'm thinking maybe Blythe's bond object was just a neat rock, cos they were so young and didnt really own anything else to gift to this human. Like all they had was the coal from the hearth in the house they used to haunt, but thatd be too crumbly so they dug through to find the sturdiest and prettiest rock and Amber was like straigjt up crying from how touched this whole thing made him. I WILL TREASURE THIS PEBBLE MY TINY MONSTER CHILD...

* oh but just to rub salt in the wound i think he couldnt find it again when he woke up floating over his own burned corpse in the wreckage of his final fateful battle. There uhh..wasnt much of himself left, let alone anything he was holding. Itd kinda have to be that way cos if it worked like a yokai medal itd mean Amber could have instantly reunited with his friend and cut out all of these years of sad backstory, alas

* ok but imagine the cute and sweet emotionalness of then being able to swap medals when they see each other again, and have an actual magical guarantee of never losing their family ever again.

* I feel like Amber only initially agreed to join the Gorgeous Association because he wanted to get a job in the yokai world and save up to buy a decent house and decent level of income so that there would be a hapoy home waiting for his child whenever he finally found them. He didnt really believe that he had the potential to be a fashion icon, he just went along with it as an employment opportunity in his weird new ghost life. But OH NO, accidental self confidence!! (We are all very proud of him)

* oh and the Gorgeous Association doesnt work 100% identical to the anime version, i just like the anime's general concept. I feel like Gorgeous Ambassador is indeed a yokai species and not just a title, its less 'you were chosen by random lottery' and more 'you were chosen by destiny'...? Shy people who have potential to be fashion icons just tend to end up becoming the shy-people-with-potential-to-become-fashion-icons yokai, aka this. And the Gorgeous Association takes responsibility for finding all new Gorgeouses and training them to use their new powers instead of just staying in their shyness. Its more of a self help club? Oh and also the membership is full of other types of fashion yokai too, its not just Gorgeous Ambassadors. Just its only Gorgeous Ambassadors that get visited by the president as soon as they die and given a special invitation to join. So basically interpreting Gorgeous Ambassador as more 'this yokai is named that cos its powers are about encouraging people to be more confident aka introducing them to the world of fashion'. And less the idea that all Gorgeous Ambassadors used to be a different type of yokai and you can only become one by being picked by the club lottery. And also that its just a costume with no actual powers?? That was funny in the anime but i prefer if they actually could inspirit people and make them more confident and stuff.

* I FEEL LIKE IM EXPLAINING THIS BADLY, SORRY! Ok so uhh like yknow some clubs are all exclusive entry "you are not this thing til you join"? Like you cant be a country club member til you join the country club, and the sense of comeraderie there is just all being rich enough to pay for membership rather than having anything in common. But then there's stuff like lgbt groups or mental health support groups where youre all already the same thing and thats WHY you join the club. Anime version had Gorgeous Association be a country club and Gorgeous Ambassador be just a membership name rather than a real yokai form. Which, again, was really funny but i feel like it only works in a more gag focused series like the anime. Here i'm interpreting it that you can just be born in the species Gorgeous Ambassador, same as any other yokai like jibanyan or whatever, and it actually does have its own special powers and stuff. And its just that the Gorgeous Association sends out invites to any newborn yokai that have fashion related powers. So not all Gorgeous Ambassadors actually join the Gorgeous Association. Oh and Kageusuo is the actual yokai species name for those unaffiliated ones. The anime seemed to say that kageusuo was an unrelated new yokai that isnt in the games, that was just invented to have a form that Gorgeous Ambassador had before he became Gorgeous Ambassador. But i have Other Ideas

* i'll make it a new bullet point cos im getting all disorganized now aaaa

* ok so Kageusuo (or my fanmade eng dub name Shamshade) is Gorgeous Ambassador. Same thing. Same species. Kageusuo is a yokai personifying the idea of a fashionable beautiful person who never reached their potential in life due to social anxiety/bullying. Like an 'ugly duckling' story. Their default form is this shadowy looking depressed dude because their power is that they drain shadows from people, vampire style. This makes you 'less overshadowed", so you become more confident and people notice your unique style! But kageusuo cant use its powers on itself, so a lot of them stay in this shy form forever and just continue repeating the same overshadowed life they have as a human. The fabulous form that Gorgeous Ambassador has in the games is just simply the same yokai dressing differently- a kageusuo that managed to conquer its anxieties from its past life and take steps to embrace its true self! But theyre not actually any different in terms of powers, theyre still shadow vampires and their power to make people fabulous is just them eating your shadow. It was something they could already do before they became fabulous themself, now theyre just confident enough to match their powers, yknow? And also unrelatedly there's a club called Gorgeous Association that this particular kageusuo joined, which personally helped him in his journey of self confidence so he goes by the nickname Gorgeous Ambassador to advertise it. (Which is even more nicknamed into Amber cos he thinks it sounds cute)

* WHY ARE MY HEADCANONS SO OVERCOMPLICATED AAAaa

* anyway just imagine a vampire movie but its a supermodel lurching out of the shadows groaning "I VANT TO SUCK YOUR ANXIETY" and then when he bites you you become more confident. This is a Good Concept so i will somehow find a way to use it, dammit!! *b movie music* "OH NO THE MONSTER GOT TERRY" *terry suddenly wearing applebottom jeans*

* also imagine all of that but also the dude is a weird samurai being all "wow the wonders of the future" about thos applebottom jeans

* why do all my headcanons start as angst and end up as nonsense like this

an essay on homura takeru

logs onto tumblr for the first time in a year just so i can post this

a seriously long post ahead

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anyway this isnt a ~formal essay~ i’m sorry in advance but i’m just trying to dump all the stuff i’ve wanted to talk about for a long while because i really like takeru in vrains and the new ep reminded me that i still hadnt really wrote out my thoughts yet

(not formally anyway, just in stray tweets)

three points to this essay:

- explain takeru’s backstory and how it relates to the present - the way takeru dealt with his trauma and why it’s important - a little bit about soulburner

for archive purposes this essay was written after episode 59 aired and does not take anything past ep59 into account (because at the time of writing this it didnt exist yet)

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the way vrains has showed how different characters deal with childhood trauma is extremely interesting to me because every single character that we’ve seen involved in the lost incident so far has dealt with it in a different way, and it perfectly parallels how people respond to trauma in real life. i have a lot of thoughts on this matter bc it’s also personal to me but that really doesn’t matter right now. for today i just want to talk about homura takeru

i’m going to assume everyone reading this is familiar with the lost incident, but quick tl;dr anyway: six kids got kidnapped and held in solitary confinement for 6 months where the only thing they could do was duel. and how well they dueled determined if they ate or not

all of the kids involved in the lost incident came out of it differently: kusanagi jin never truly left the lost incident, as he’s still in a psychiatric hospital to this day due to it. spectre fully embraced what happened to him and decided to return for more after finding out the only thing holding him to the “outside world” (his mother tree) was gone, because the lost incident was the only time when he felt needed (eps35-37, playmaker vs spectre duel).

yuusaku underwent therapy and rehabilitation but never actually recovered. he still suffers ptsd from it to this day (ep19, playmaker vs akira zaizen), and had become (rightfully) angry at what happened to him, leading him to team up with kusanagi shoichi (kusanagi jin’s brother) to deliver justice/revenge.

takeru came out of the lost incident also traumatized, as he mentions he never dueled again (ep52).

takeru is something of a special case as we see in his backstory that not only did the lost incident traumatize him, but due to his disappearance, his parents died while looking for him. in a sense, takeru came out of the ordeal with not only the trauma of the lost incident, but also the trauma of losing his parents at a young age (6), both happening at around the same time

the way takeru dealt with these two traumas was to completely re-invent himself. he “sealed away” his memories of the lost incident and completely changed who he was in order to avoid having to actually deal with it. takeru says this himself that the time after the lost incident to the end of season 1 of vrains--that was not actually him, as in his true self

however, what most interests me about this exchange is the way kiku (the girl) responds to his declarations that he’s “not himself”

after the lost incident, takeru had to relocate and live with his grandparents in another town because his parents were dead and could no longer tend to him. that means that everyone in the town never actually met takeru--that is, who takeru was before the lost incident. everyone in town knew only the post-lost incident takeru

kiku’s responses to takeru’s declaration that he’s going to leave give us a lot of context as to who takeru invented himself to be and how long he held up this facade. kiku is obviously someone who is close to takeru, as she shows worry for him not attending school, and he entrusts her with taking care of his grandparents. he even tells her that he’s been faking it this whole time

however, even despite all this, takeru never once dropped his facade around her before this moment (this moment being takeru reading the news article about playmaker/blue angel/go and the knights of hanoi), which is why she shows such surprise to his declarations and doesn’t understand what’s going on.

but she supports him, because

this is the most important part of their interaction to me. it implies that kiku has never seen takeru so resolute and full of ambition before this, and it’s been a long 10 years since takeru moved to this town. 10 years of keeping up the facade of being someone else in order to deal with what happened

this scene also goes to show just how much the news article about playmaker, blue angel, and go onizuka fighting the knights of hanoi meant to him. he’s willing to completely undo 10 years of his facade because of it. here was someone else from the lost incident (yuusaku), who fought and confronted his trauma head-on. completely opposite of takeru who ran away from it

takeru could have, arguably, gone to den city to meet any one of them, but he chose yuusaku because they know what each other went through

the complete image change is also super interesting, because takeru looks much rougher and tougher, like a typical japanese delinquent, than what he looks like now. the opening for this season even has a still to highlight his persona

and kiku confirms in their aforementioned interaction that he actually doesn’t go to school a lot (she was super happy when takeru said he’d finally “go”). it completes his whole delinquent persona nicely

this image is a COMPLETE 180 from what we see him as now

tamer hair, glasses, and his blazer is even buttoned! yuusaku doesn’t button his or wear his shirt properly (the top button is open). takeru looks much more put together than what he used to be

even the body language of these two are different. the delinquent persona takeru looks aggressive and unfriendly but the takeru with yuusaku and kusanagi is much more open, much more happy

and it’s not like we haven’t seen this style of takeru before, because

he looks exactly as he did when he was younger, before the lost incident occurred

why choose this look? why of all the images he could have remade himself into, why did he go back to what he used to look like before the lost incident?

because he’s finally making up for lost time.

because takeru is finally being who he was supposed to be, or in better terms, who he actually is, not his delinquent persona

in a sense takeru is regaining all the years he missed from his life pretending to be someone he isnt. he felt truly and genuinely inspired by playmaker, go, & blue angel because they fought his oppressors and the people who caused him pain. they fought while he did nothing, and this inspired him. he was truly super happy to duel go until he realized that go had completely changed from what takeru saw him as (a hero)

but reading the article made him realize: i cant keep hiding forever. like playmaker, i have to face it head on, because otherwise it's never gonna leave me. he's still haunted by the lost incident & you can tell because of just how much the article meant to him. takeru reverted once he read the news. he needed to do something

flame & the ignis gave him something to fight for. teaming up with yuusaku gave him something to strive for. he left his town & went back to den city because he wanted to make a difference and confront his past, and that’s exactly what he’s doing now, after all these years of running

and it’s really major! you know why? because dueling is his trauma

and here he is, dueling again after all these years of never touching duel monsters. 10+ years. his drive to try dueling again despite it being his trauma is his first step to getting out of his bubble. & meeting flame in the link vrains helped him realize he could actually do something

takeru is really an amazing character to me, someone who broke free of his self-imposed prison and decided to finally stop running. confronting his trauma firsthand is something that takes a lot of courage to do, especially for someone like takeru who has spent more than half of his life pretending like it didnt happen. it’s harder to convince yourself to do something than it is to convince others

and despite all this, he’s here now. he’s fighting.

and he’s really... someone to be admired. it’s hard to put into words the reason why this character means so much to me. he’s very inspirational

there’s a lot more i could say about how different takeru’s personality is in real life compared to when he’s in link vrains as soulburner (he’s much more shy irl, but soulburner isnt) and how this all relates to who he is as a person who’s just starting to get back on his feet.

but that’s a lot of words that i can save for another essay

anyway thanks for coming to my ted talk

catch me on twitter

The outsiders, the I don’t fit disorder

People tend to see us as traumatic or self absorbed. They think we should just have our shit together because it’s not seen as a illness.

I have no idea how to get people to pay attention to me in a normal way. I very rarely know how to control myself. I began to have a sense of loss of connection with my parents at a very young age. We are a group of people that responds very strongly to small events and we respond rapidly. We Borderlines have skin of a burned victim, our reaction is so fast as if our skin was burned beyond repair and the small events caused us immense pain. No matter how hard I try to improve in spite of all my feelings I am not able to regulate myself. My background is very long and complicated but my life spiraled this past April where I just wasn’t able to even go to work or college anymore. This is a serious illness and not many people know about this. Emotional, behavioral and interpersonal instability, those are the three different ones that are known. I can’t have interpersonal relationships because I am not emotionally stable. I grew up in Europe and lived there for over 9 years, in Holland. I always had a very active imagination and loved arts and animals, mostly riding horses. In elementary school I suffered intense bullying and xenofobia. Children and even parents would lash out on me and I wouldn’t understand fully why until I saw my mom cry at nights. As years went by I finally understood what was going on. I have a skin disease that started at a very young age and left me with very ugly scars under my armpits and between my legs and I remember in the swimming team or school. Kids would always make me lift my arms in order for others to see the monster I was to them in their eyes. After living in Europe my parents were falling apart in their marriage and we moved to Costa Rica, here things worsened and they ended up getting divorced. My father is a European man who never learned that communication and love was a way of correcting a child in stead beating and intense verbal abuse was the solution. My father got kicked out of the house and my mother asked him to please go look for mental help but one stead he was unfaithful to my mother and this led him to leave me. Abandonment hit me hard, it ripped my apart and burned, cut and destroyed me beyond repair. During this time we came back to Costa Rica I remember making my first friend, “you’re my best friend forever” finally. I was so happy and my relationships with people tend to be so intense because I didn’t know how to have a normal friendship. I remember her having days she would have her mom come out of the house and tell me she didn’t want to be my friend anymore. These felt like life and death situations. I didn’t know I to cope with her behavior, when my parents split she turned her back to me also and it just was like the last hammer to get the nail all the way in. For me when I was trying to make friends, I had no clue about what I was doing. I didnt know how to make friends. These stages of my life started to sprout the seed of BPD that was planted.

I tend to get very easily out of control. Physical aggression, with things not people. We respond very rapidly. My skin is raw all the time, and once something is said or done to me you will get the responses as if you touched a burned person. Something that is minor for you, can be devastating to me. We feel like burn victims. We feel it with the intesitiy of you poking an arm of someone with 3d degree burns.

Hello could you please write a minhyun fanfic about him and Y/N being on we got married (and later on starts dating irl?) thank you (ps, i love your minhyun scenarios so much)

omg WGM :o hahaha ngl i was never a big fan of WGM even though two members of one of my favourite groups have been on it, but i tried my best! i’ll write anything fluffy for minhyun lmao Sorry about the wait!

A continuation of this will be up next which is from another anon’s request!! 

Hwang Minhyun WGM!AU 

ok so lets give you a bit of background to set the scene 

you’re an idol, but originally you were going to be an actress except you really liked dancing and singing so your company was like ‘why not both?’ (think female version of Ong)

You became a fixed MC on a music show last year so you’ve been able to meet a lot of people

Popularity-wise, you’re pretty well liked, you’ve never had any scandals or issues

Plus because you’re bi/multilingual so you’ve been able to further expand Hallyu internationally, and yknow everyone loves a bit of patriotism 

So this is why you were extremely uncertain about being on WGM

It’s a show that puts you in the spotlight

and kinda tries to brand you with this false image, and if you don’t fit that image the public tend to be like wtf is wrong with you

WGM could be a make or break for the virtual couples who participated on the show

You had heard from other celebrities who had been on WGM about how strange it was, like just the whole concept of a “virtual” relationship wasn’t something you’d ever been too keen on

So you were skeptical and it didnt help that your company hadn’t given you much warning about being on it

They just said to be prepared for the invitation over the next week or so

So when the red mailbox appeared outside your dorm along with a bunch of MBC camera staff you realised they hadn’t been kidding

You had read the letter outloud for the cameras;

“To my soon-to-be virtual wife, our first meeting place will be at the xxxxxx Building tomorrow. Before we meet, I’ll give you a big clue as to who I am, I wonder if you’ll be able to guess! I’m in an idol group, and I’ve debuted twice…I look forward to meeting you~

You read the letter again, absorbing all the information….

“EH? Tomorrow??” 

no wonder your manager had been awfully quiet when you had asked her about your schedule

Oh well, guess you gotta prepare for this virtual blind date

Tbh…now that you had accepted the fact that you had to go on this show, you were kinda excited

It’s literally so rare for you to ever get the chance to go on a proper date, even if this counted as a fake/virtual one

——next day—–

You hadn’t slept well the night before, in both fear and anticipation

Hopefully the person you were going to ‘marry’ would be nice

Because your partner was fully in charge of organising this first date, you had decided to prepare a gift for him

Which you found to be super difficult, seeing as you weren’t sure who they were but tbh you had narrowed it down to a couple of possibilities

Like in the pre-meet interview that morning they had asked you if you had any idea who the person could be and you had listed a few names of idols you knew had debuted twice, like mino, or sungwoon or minhyunnnn

but seeing as you knew he’s an idol you decided on little things you knew you found helpful being an idol yourself

You packed a neck pillow, a heat pack, and this really big woollen scarf you had knitted yourself (imagine it’s winter time pls)

Your manager drops you off outside the building and you hop out of the car in this big fluffy sweater and black jeans, completed bundled up and warm

The staff ushered you over to the elevator and you’re left awkwardly and nervously rambling to yourself as they press the buttons to every 2nd floor

The doors open to the second floor and a hotel staff pops their head in and gives you a bouquet of flowers with a note

“You’re here! Today’s the day we finally meet~”

You smiled to yourself, seems like this guy is a bit of a hopeless romantic

The doors to the fourth floor open and sitting on the ground is a little fox plushie doll

You pick it up and attached is another note that says,

“I’ve heard that I resemble a desert fox~”

You froze, no freaking way could it be….

On the sixth floor it was a jar of honey - “My voice is sweet like honey wahhh this is embarrassing >

Your eyes widened. There was no denying who it was now.

WGM had never done something like this before, usually people who went on the show had never previously met or had many interactions, but in your case it would be different

You had met Minhyun before, multiple times in fact

You had been good friends with Aron from NU’EST as well as other English speaking idols and had naturally gotten to know the other boys from NU’EST as well

And although you wouldn’t consider yourself best friends with Minhyun or anything, you had always been able to joke round with him

plus he’s a super cute and super nice guy that was always easy to talk to

Now that you think about it, it’s kinda even more terrifying now that you know who’s waiting for you and the fact you already know him as well??? and he doesnt have a clue who you are???? what if he’s disappointed??? like how awkward would that be, you’d actually die from embarrassment

Finally the doors to the 10th floor open and lo and behold Minhyun is standing there, with his back facing you

When he heard the door open he had immediately tensed up

He was nervous as hell too, poor thing

Like kinda kicking himself for being so cheesy with the whole elevator thing, but y’know, gotta make a strong first impression

He can hear your footsteps approach him and he fights the urge to turn round 

The staff signal to you to say something and you become a big stuttering mess, like what are you meant to say???

“uHHhhHH Minhyun, IT’S ME, Y/N”

And he whizzes round so fking fast with his eyes popping out of his head literally everyone is laughing so hard

And he’s bright red because in the pre-interview they had asked him who he’d choose if any idol was able to go on wgm as his partner, and he had said Y/N, and he just assumed that you wouldn’t be on this show and didnt have his hopes up

so the fact you’re actually standing in front of him about to become his virtual wife is so strange but surreal to both of you

so of course, the two of you hit it off right away, seeing as you already know each other

After migrating to a cafe, you thanked him for the gifts and the elevator surprises and gave him the present you prepared

and he loves it so much, and he puts on the scarf you made straight away and is super proud of it

and you kinda just catch up on life with him, and find out how he’s doing in Wanna One

and that night after the filming was over, he sent you a text telling you how he was happy that you were his partner

and you spent the whole night just messaging cute little shy texts back and forth

After a few more days of filming, the first episode was finally broadcasted

And you were anxiously sitting by the tv with your group members trying to gage their reactions

it was embarrassing to see yourself become such a blushing mess in front of Minhyun

It was embarrassing for your friends too though, because no one is used to seeing you all shy like this

Funnily enough, Minhyun was the same in his dorm, and all the W1 boys were teasing him relentlessly

like collectively cringing at the notes he had left for you, and commenting on everything he did

And after the episode finishes, you’re a bit anxious of what the viewers think of it all

but luckily it turns out lots of people tuned in and love it

It seems to be a realistic fantasy(?) of people’s to go from friends to lovers

so with each following episode, the public laps up all the cuteness the two of you just naturally exude

Like they love how both of you were supposedly motae solo (single since birth), and that for both of you this would be the first ‘proper’ relationship

And minhyun has always had Boyfriend goals vibe attached to him

and you were top notch wife material too

You guys become known as the “Royal” couple

every one is like “충성충성” (choongseongchoongseong) I pledge my loyalty to you

So the first time you guys had proper skinship was super natural but cheesy as well

It was a filming by the Han River and you hadn’t worn gloves and it was getting pretty chilly

You had been rubbing your hands together to warm them up and it hadn’t been particularly obvious but Minhyun just reaches over and gently clasps your hand in his and puts it in his pocket

literally at that part though, everyone watching it had squealed

even you had been like omg bf goals

And bit later on when you had moved into the honeymoon house, the two of you would often rest your heads on the other’s shoulder and read books together

One of the most heart pounding days had been the wedding day, because although you knew it wasn’t a legit thing, something about Minhyun wearing a tuxedo and standing there waiting for you to walk towards him had made you feel things

And clearly you had the same effect on him, because he was absolutely speechless when he saw you

That night before heading back to the dorm, it seemed that the something had changed between the two of you

The hug Minhyun had given you had been longer, and gentler, if that was even possible

and he’d brushed the hair away from your face and whispered a string of sweet nothings into your ear before giving you a cute little wave and scampering over to get into his manager’s van

and you weren’t too sure what to think of it, because it’s not like the two of you are properly dating or anything

although it definitely feels like it

You go on lots more dates every week and each one was full of memories

Like you’d gone to movies, but you’d actually fallen asleep and Minhyun had just giggled

“Minhyun, you should’ve woken me up!”

“But you looked cute! i think you drooled tho” 

And you’d gone tandem biking, and wandered round different museums, and you went to karaoke together, and Minhyun ended up serenading you with cute af songs

and there was a day that the two of you went shopping to look for gifts for each other, and you ended up getting matching phone charms

There was also the time where there was a special guest episode, where both of you had invited friends round and cooked dinner for them

And everything goes smoothly for the following couple of months, with your relationship only getting closer each day

Until one day a letter arrives, and it’s different from the others so both of you immediately know what it is 

A week before the final episode, you started to distance yourself from Minhyun

mainly because both of you have been so shy about your true feelings, despite talking lots and becoming closer, you still have no clue if minhyun actually considers you to be more than a friend

and because you knew it was coming to an end, you’d have to say goodbye anyways so you were trying to let go without having to have your feelings hurt more than they would be

it didn’t feel right though, and Minhyun could tell something was wrong 

so he had come up to you and put a hand on your arm just before the crew started filming the final episode to talk to you

“Y/N…are we…okay?”

You glanced up at him and you could see his eyes trying to decipher the expression on your face and as much as it pained for you to say it, you decided it would be the best to break ties now

“Yeah, why wouldn’t we be, we’re friends aren’t we?”

And after you had said that, Minhyun’s face had fallen

Like he was upset that you appeared so nonchalant that the ‘marriage’ would be over and you’d revert back to being just friends

He dropped his hand that was on your arm and nodded, his face hardening and he turned to walk away

A few steps though, and he stopped turning back, eyes meeting yours

“I know this was a virtual marriage, but I was always sincere every moment I spent with you. I just thought I’d tell you that before we started filiming.”

And he walked off towards his waiting room, and left you standing there not too sure what to do anymore

During the filming, you struggled not to cry as Minhyun’s hand held yours

The movie theatre dimmed and started playing all the memories you’d made together

it was making you so emotional, and the sad piano BGM playing did not help at all

so you couldn’t stop the tears from falling when the video cut to a solo shot of Minhyun sending you a video message

“…This marriage may be coming to an end, but I will always treasure all the times and memories we made together…”

Covering a hand over your mouth, you tried not to sob out loud but it ended up sounding like you were having a coughing fit 

Minhyun had been quite cold to you after the encounter earlier that day, and hadn’t been particularly affectionate at all, but when he looked over at you, his face went from expressionless to one of alarm when he noticed that your cheeks were stained with tears

he immediately reached over and gently dabbed the tears away with his sleeve and pulled you into his chest

“hey, hey, don’t cry Y/N, it’s alright, babe don’t cry, I’m here for you.”

and this only made you sniffle more

Minhyun’s hand was soothingly patting the back of your head and for a minute you both forgot about the cameras as he pulled back and gently pressed his lips to your forehead

and it was such a touching and emotional moment

until you hiccupped

and Minhyun broke out into laughter his own eyes shining back at you

and you couldn’t help but join in with him in the laughter

you left the set holding hands, still sad but not as emotional as before

and you realised that this would be the last chance for you to say something

“Minhyun?”

He glanced down at you his gaze softening at the sight of your puffy eyes

“This isn’t goodbye right? Just because we’re not on the show anymore doesn’t mean we can’t see each other right?”

Minhyun just kinda looks at you like you’re crazy

“Did you really think that I’d just go on this show with you, the girl that i actually truly like, just to never talk to you again now the show’s over?”

and you were like ?? blinking in confusion…because minhyun actually does like like you, and it’s not one sided like you assumed girl it was so obv tho

He kept talking, “I looked forward to the days when i’d get to see you to film, because spending time with you is like the most natural thing in the world to me. Look I even keep this photo we took in my wallet.”

He shows you a cute little photo of the two of you at the cafe you’d been to on the first date.

“So Y/N? Don’t worry, this won’t be goodbye, you can’t get rid of your virtual husband that easily,” he says shooting finger hearts and winks at you

So, legitimately dating Minhyun is obviously not as open and conspicuous as WGM, but it’s still super cute

and on your first anniversary the two of you go on a late night outing to the cafe where you had your first date

and you buy the same drinks you had on that day and just enjoy each others company, forever grateful that you have Minhyun in your life

I hit 100 followers the other day and I’m so so grateful, thank you to everyone who reads my random little writings, even though I’m definitely still lacking lots! I’m working on the current requests that were sent in, so please hold tight if you’re still waiting~ ❤️❤️