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indigovigilance · 18 days

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Bullet Theory

Thesis: Crowley passed Aziraphale a bullet during the Final Fifteen kiss. This bullet contains his memories. He tucked it under his tongue, then began to access the memories during the ride up the elevator.

Edit: debunked by God himself, in response to this post. As a reminder, please don’t send fan theories to NG.

Proof:

Glint in the mouth

Inspo credit to this post by @somehow-a-human

Yeah so we were already paying way too much attention to that very special four-letter word we thought Aziraphale was going to say, but it so happens that during that cut-off phoneme is the only time you can see this shiny object in his mouth. (catching this on the right frame was emotionally painful and I’m sending Gavin Finney my therapy bills (actually no I’m not I love you very much sir)).

So that’s the basis of this theory. Crowley passed Aziraphale a bullet that he then tucks under his tongue.

Add’l Evidence Post-Kiss

Aziraphale works his jaw after raising his fingers to his lips: [gif]

Then when the Metatron comes in, he turns his back on the Metatron and raises his hand. I originally thought he was wiping his eyes. Now I think he’s raising his hand to his mouth, maybe to spit out the bullet, maybe to make sure it’s secured under his tongue.

Credits Scene

Aziraphale has the craziest fucking look on his face through the credits, we can all agree. But towards the end, his eyes flicker back and forth, as if he is watching or reading something. Then he smiles. I hypothesize that he is still accessing his memories during this time, and getting the information he needs to [redacted].

Thematic Justification: The Bullet Catch

Aziraphale having a bullet in his mouth as part of a two-man act of deception is not a fresh concept by the time we get to The Final Fifteen.

Additionally, the use of surreptitious modes of communication, where messages are passed from person to person inaudabily, is introduced in this same magic trick.

NB1: I wish I could credit the person who I first saw point this out (relatively recently). It wasn’t even tagged as meta, I don’t think. But the gist was there’s some parallelism between “aim for my mouth but shoot past my ear” and the “pin the lips on the lips” move that Crowley pulls in the Final Fifteen. If I find it I will properly cite.

NB2: One hypothesis that has circulated around, I think creditable to @sendarya, is that Aziraphale mouths “trust me” to Crowley just before he gets on the elevator. This isn’t necessary to the Bullet Theory but it would be thematically consistent.

Small objects carry memories

Why a bullet? Well, it’s a small object that has meaningful significance between the pair of people involved, much like:

Beelzebub introduces us to the idea that a small object like a fly can be used as a storage container for memories. We also see that the object entering the body of the person is a viable way for the memories to be delivered.

(btw Jon Hamm if you’re reading this, you have very pretty eyes)

“I keep a derringer in a hollowed out book”

K, so it’s not like Crowley is just carrying a bullet loaded with Aziraphale’s memories around with him at all times, is it? (I mean, it could be, but probably not. I’ll just point you to this meta for my theories on why, if Crowley had anything that needed to be kept safe, he would keep it in the bookshop.)

We learn in S2E4 that Aziraphale keeps a gun in a hollowed out book somewhere in the shop. A gun wouldn’t be any good without bullets, right? This may not be the reason the derringer was left as a Chekhov’s Gun for S3, but it’s a possibility. If Crowley wasn’t already in possession of a bullet, he knew that he could find one in the shop. Even more likely, the exact bullet used in the 1941 magic trick is a precious keepsake being kept somewhere in the bookshop, and Crowley chose to use that exact bullet because of the memories already directly attached to the object.

Why Aziraphale even has memories to be returned to him

We know that Aziraphale could have had his mind wiped because Heaven has done it before. Certainly once. Probably twice. We know this because when Metatron is announcing that Gabriel, alongside having his memories erased, is being demoted to 38th class, Muriel pipes up and reminds us that they are 37th class:

So this wasn’t a “just Gabriel” thing. Mind-wiping is a routine form of personnel management in Heaven. There is NO reason for us to believe that it didn’t happen to Aziraphale. But in case you need a reason to believe it, here goes:

We know from our interactions with Jim that the person whose memories are missing (1) doesn’t necessarily know and (2) isn’t necessarily distressed by that fact, even if they do. Muriel also fits this “cheerful empty shell” archetype. You know who else does? Ding ding ding. The one and only A. Z. “wiggles with delight” Fell.

I can already hear your very valid counter-argument. This guy is actually terrified out of his mind on any given day that his romance with a demon will be discovered. Yes. Because he’s involved in a romance with a demon. The other two angels we’ve met don’t have this issue. Beyond that, though, these three characters share more in common with each other disposition-wise than any of them do with the other angels we’ve met (Uriel, Michael, Sandolphon, etc.).

We also know that Aziraphale has been [demoted] at some point from Cherub to Principality. This is book canon:

"Technically Aziraphale was a Principality, but people made jokes about that these days."

This has also been confirmed (insofar as Neil Gaiman ever confirms anything) by Word of God:

(marketing video screengrab clipped for brevity)

We don’t know for sure it was a demotion, but I think we have enough evidence to infer that with a high degree of confidence.

Anyways.

Summary: Aziraphale is a cheerful angel who was demoted and has a name that is not biblical canon. This evidence indicates that was probably mind-wiped. This is not the first time I’m proposing this. It won’t be the last.

How Crowley Did It

My meta on Continuity Errors gives the complete proof for why I believe that Crowley is able to stop time without Aziraphale knowing, and I propose in that meta that the kiss was a cover-up for the exertion of effort necessary to pull that off. I further proposed that during the pause, he retrieved something from the bookshop. At the time of writing, I didn’t know what. Now, I have an inkling that it was a bullet.

If you need a refresher on Clock Theory, here’s one. The idea is that the clock behind Aziraphale shifts by fifteen minutes from before the kiss to after the kiss. This is consistent with a theory that Crowley paused time (but the clock kept running) in order to retrieve the bullet, dump Aziraphale’s memories into it if he hadn’t already, and then return to transfer the bullet to Aziraphale.

Why Crowley Kept the Secret So Long

As with Continuity Errors, I am ending this meta with a very unsatisfactory “I don’t know.” The motivation for Crowley to keep Aziraphale’s memories from him until the very moment he’s about to leave must have been a strong one. I think it has something to do with why Crowley was so insistent on trying to get Aziraphale to run away with him, instead of dealing with whatever’s coming. But as with Continuity Errors, I suspect that the good omens meta hivemind (and the vast collection of people who are posting clues, you have no idea how important you are) will assemble yet more breadcrumbs that we can follow to some sort of hypothesis.

Until then,

(here's my meta index if you would like to read more stuff like this)

#good omens meta #bullet theory #the final fifteen #crowley #aziraphale #good omens gabriel #good omens muriel #good omens #good omens 2 #ineffable husbands #good omens theory #good omens speculation #good omens analysis #good omens clues

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dadjokeslady · 1 year

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I'm having a bit of a back and forth with @bowserwife about gender and radical feminism, some of the points I'll e repeating here, so hopefully in future discussions I can use this as a reference and this might spark the discussion with other people.

Preamble

About this discussion, I'll just point out some notions for the debate.

I'm going to engage in good faith and I'll assume you're engaging in good faith too, but I'll match your energy, if you wanna go blood sports let's dance.

I'll assume you disagree with me because you might have heard some argument that I did not or because you haven't heard one I did.

English is not my first language, I'd something sounds uncanny it might be that.

Hypothesis

Let's start with a brief list if things I will not debate, if you disagree with any of those this post ain't for you.

We live in a patriarchal society

Sex is a biological category that follows a binormal distribution (most of us are either male or female)

Gender is a biopsychosocial category informed by gender but not defined by gender

Sex and gender are different things

The whole debate space between trans folk and radfem can have some nasty people saying mean things to each other, those things do not make anyone right nor wrong

Any definition of woman that includes Buck Angels failed

Any definition of woman that excludes cis woman failed

Any definition of woman that includes cis man failed

The arguments

Part 1 - rigorous definitions

I do have some background in math and I used to have a professor who said that there are three important things in math:

Rigour; rigour; and rigour. Some say you need a forth one, rigour, but I find it unnecessary.

I'll agree that rigorous definitions are valuable tools to understand the world, so let's express clearly what is meant by a rigorous definition. Some criteria one can use to identify if some object belongs to some class of objects such that the criteria includes in the category all the things that it should (no object is missed) and that the criteria do not introduce anything that it should not (no object is miss classified).

I'll provide one example, the natural numbers as defined by Peano:

1 (one) is a natural number.

For every two natural numbers a it's successor, a+1 is a natural number.

OBS: Peano did not include zero as a natural number, this is by design.

You'll notice that the definition is separated into two parts a base case and a recursive case. The definition leaves nothing to be interpreted, either something is a natural number or it is not, there is no context influence, no conditionals.

Or does it? It is pretty easy to overlook, but the Peano definition of natural numbers depends on the definition of the + (plus) operator. It might seem trivial but it is not. Peano natural numbers only work under the hypothesis that any numbers plus one is different then the original number, i.e. a+1 /= a.

Then, we can point that we need to define what equality means, so we can define what difference means... This'll run down until we need to define axioms, statements that can't be proven and we assume as true.

If math cannot rigorously define natural numbers without axioms, what hope do we have of defining anything as rigorously in the real world? We'll see.

Before we continue and leave this dreaded land of math, let me raise some other properties of definitions.

If two categories have the same definition, e.g. the non null absolute values of the integers is another definition of the natural number (a pretty round about way to define them but still). Those two categories can be viewed as being the same.

If two different categories of objects, with different definitions, can have their objects translated from the first category to the second one without losing any structural properties, it is a homomorphism. A pair of homomorphisms such that the translation can be undone is an isomorphism. Two categories between which there is an isomorphism are said to be equal up to isomorphism, or in plain English, equivalent.

The equivalence itself is contextual to what we mean by lost structural properties, and it can be distilled further, but we can specify those as we find it necessary later.

Part 2 - definitions in the real world

In the real world definitions are much more loose than in math, just as an example to hammer this home, we cannot define if things are equal without some leniency and good faith. Is two blank A4 sheets of paper equal? In that sense? They for sure are not maid by the same atoms. They for sure do not have the same thickness down to a piconometer scale... Whenever, this point forward, I say something is equal or equivalent to something else, I mean equal or equivalent up to a good faith interpretation.

In other words, let's not occupy ourselves with petty word games, please.

The, "what is a woman?" discourse have the this trope of degrading into "what is a chair?" Questioning. For everyone who ever tried to respond to this kind of questioning, you misunderstood the argument. There are no objective answers to what is a chair that do not rely on a sea of unlisted axioms, and with the axioms being, by definition of axiom, unproven but assumed as true, any two definitions, as unequivalent as possible, have the same validity.

There will be a more lengthy discussion about what I'd argue should be the criteria of choice for differentiation between definitions, but for now let's assume that given two different valid definitions we'd all agree on what'd be better.

Other than chosing between two valid definitions, we can take a step back and attack the axioms on which that definition rests, if we try and define a car as having four wheels, that depends on wheels being round and we need to ask if that holds for every case...

Than again, we can still attack a definition by pointing out edge cases, and this is where we need to have good faith, there are cars that have any number of wheels, defining it as having four is "good enough" of a definition if we agree that those outlier are too much work to deal with as a whole and that we can go on a case by case basis.

That means we lost some of our rigour on our definitions, they all now have to have an asterisk pointing that there are edge cases. This is a toll most of us are willing to pay, and only concern ourselves with for petty word games, if some wants to use only definitions without it, I'd refer that someone to the endless chair defining threads.

Then how much of the general population constitutes and edge case is another discussion, deeply linked with the discussion of which of two equally valid definitions we should use.

Furthermore, in the real world we communicate using fallible language, and words have definitions themselves. As such we should at the very least differentiate nouns and the objects they refer to. There is the word "woman" and there is the category "woman". Words have meaning but we do have word play, sarcasm, double meaning... In the definitions I'll provide, I'll try to limit how much this can influence our understanding by aiming to define woman as a category, not the word woman.

Part 3 - defining gender and sex

The three categories: female, intersex and male, are sex based. But sex, as a metacategory needs a definition to itself. We can define it in terms of genotypically male or female, hormonally male or female, anatomically male or female. All those are interlocked so someone who is in the male category on the genetic level will most probably also have hormone levels that'd classify them as male, and the anatomy of a male. The genetic aspect informs the anatomy and the endocrine aspect, they both inform each other, but they can be pretty cleanly distinguished. In the real world, we look at the anatomy.

Do a newborn have the superficial anatomy of a male? they'll be classified as a male. This early classification is the origin of the terms AGAB (assigned gender at birth), AMAB (assigned male at birth) and AFAB (assigned female at birth). Please, let's point out that those terms are not rigorous, the AGAB is not a gender, it is a sex. The Female maker on anyone's birth certificate do not refer to the biopsychosocial construction of gender. Edge cases for this will include intersex cases where a sex is not assigned, those I'll argue we should see in a case by case basis if we classify them as AFAB or AMAB. The same, I'll argue, we should do to cases where there are no birth certificate, and most other edge cases.

So male or female can be defined better by doing so by observing the anatomy of a person. To do so we need a non exhaustive list of sex markers, be they discrete or continuous. The short version of this list is: body hair; genitalia; breasts; bone structure; fat distribution; height; muscle mass; etc. Each marker indicate one or other sex, having enough markers of one sex classify one as this sex, having enough markers of both classify someone as intersex. This definition is context free in relation to social aspects, we can with this definitions, classify people into male or female regardless of the society in which they exist.

In other words, I'm defining sex purely in terms of what can be determined in a physical examination. And foreshadowing the discussion I want to have about utilitarianism later, sometimes we might need or want to classify someone with incomplete information. Mostly, you don't look at someone's genitalia before clocking then as male or female, even if you ignore gender markers, most people with hairy chests are male, and that is a safe assumption to make.

Now that we have sex, what is gender? A shallow definition could be made as "psychosocial sex". That's the idea that originates the "pink brain/blue brain" simplification. It is not an invalid definition, but it do not make as clear as desirable what is meant.

As much as sex can be broke into multiple levels, gender has multiple aspects. We can speak about gender identity, expression and roles.

Gender roles are the society archetypes in terms of expected behavior and responsibilities. Those are not written into stone, gender roles change over time, change over geography, social economic status etc...

Gender expression is the individual instances os adherence to gender roles, mostly focused into aesthetics, but not exclusively.

Lastly, gender identity is the internal alignment with the external gender division. It is how someone feels, how someone see themselves, and how someone would wish to be seen.

Differently than the sex, gender can be perceived in all levels simultaneously. Unless there is some lie involved, if someone say they identity with a gender, you can for sure know their gender identity.

Gender expression, because of its presentation quality, can be queried by looking at someone's non biological appearance markers. Make-up; clothes; posture; voice tone; etc... And gender roles you can just as easily determine by watching what do the person do, what are the roles they assume.

Now, gender roles and gender presentation, as the set of markers, are not immutable. If you tell me that woman should not wear pants I'll tell you to fuck off, this is a marker that is waaay outdated. If you tell me man can't wear makeup I'll probe you to understand what makes you think like that... This are trivial examples, but the point is we're talking about dynamic markers that are context dependent and vary in function of the person whose perception we're considering... This is complicated.

Of course some gender marks are also sex marks. Meaning, some parts of what makes someone male or female also makes someone man or woman. Okay, that should not be that shocking, sex and gender are deeply related. It is not coincidence that most people are cis.

And now, for the fun part, let me introduce some definitions of what is a woman, in terms of the criteria one could use to classify something as a woman or not. For the sake of brevity I'll assume we're excluding everything that is nor a human and not an adult. Lastly, up to isomorphism, those definitions are equal.

Female

Someone who bears the anatomy markers that identity them as being of the female sex, is safely a woman. There will be edge cases but those ones we can treat on a case by case basis.

Someone perceived to be female

For all intents and purposes, someone whose only visible markers are ones of a female, is most certainly, a woman. There will be edge cases but those we can treat on a case by case basis.

Some who is perceived to be a woman

Now, detaching finally from the biological criteria, if someone is perceived to be a woman, they are a woman. There will be edge cases...

Someone who wants and is perceived as a woman

Well, for all intents and purposes, if someone wants to be perceived as a woman and succeed in doing so, they are a woman, and now, most of the previous edge cases are no longer an edge case.

Someone who identifies as a woman and is perceived as one

Remember that part of the gender identity having a relationship with wanting to be perceived in an specific gender? Of course there will be edge cases, but then again, in here they'll be fewer.

Now, what if the perception includes the gender identity?

Someone whose gender identity is woman

Now look of what I've done, I'm suppressing two aspects of gender to use only one as a criteria, just as we did with sex. This one is relevant because of the edge cases, in previous definitions, a butch woman whose gender expression and gender roles do not align with woman's was an edge case, now it is not.

Before we continue, you might have a problem with me saying that some of those are equivalent to the others. In specific it might seem that a pulled a fast one by going from perceived femaleness to perceived womanhood, I didn't. In the same way we defined sex in terms of its markers there I'm defining gender in terms of markers here. To be perceived as a woman is to have enough gender markers that indicate that one is a woman for the given context of this one. In a circle of trans positive friends all the necessary markers are the ones associated with the gender identity, so those definitions, in terms of gender perception, are clearly context dependent.

Part 4 - utility of definitions and inclusive language

Now, if we have all those definitions being equivalent to each other, why spend all this time if the first one is good enough? Because some are more useful then others.

Let's start by pointing out that language is mutable, and what we mean by woman changed through the last couple centuries, both in terms of what the word means and what the category women includes and excludes. Any definition of woman that'd include some trans man in a first moment but then we go and say that this buff guy with a harry chest is not actually a woman, he's female but look, he's an edge case...

Let's be honest, this type of ad hoc exclusions and inclusions is what make the definition seem less rigorous. We should choose a definition that minimizes the confusion.

Moreover, definitions can be prescriptive statements, saying "trans woman are woman" is both a description of someones beliefs and a prescription that trans woman should be seen as woman. The definition that we choose to use reflect the world we wish to create.

I, personally, want to create a world where no one has a label forcefully put on them, if a young female do not want to be seen as a woman, let them identify themselves out of womanhood. Let's not invalidate the fact that for this person, their gender identity is other than the one prescribed by the general "adult human female".

Using language so that people don't feel uncomfortable unnecessarily is preferable.

Part 5 - Lying men in dresses

Now, we have one last topic to sort, I'll be brief, if you agreed with all that I have laid until here, there is one last thing I imaging you can argue, what about a man who identify as a woman just to gain access to woman only spaces. That is, of course, the case of, if we're working with the gender identity model, the case of someone lying.

I'll be honest, I cannot see why would a man do this, but I am not one so I can't really tell. All the discomfort of being treat as some gender different of the one you identify as seems a bit too much when there exists alternatives. I won't say it never happens but those are the edge cases.

Then again, why would a man willingly identify himself into receiving misogyny? Well, this seems to me that this should be treated in a case by case basis.

Conclusions

Someone is of the woman gender if their gender identity is woman.

#dadjokeslady #trans #terfs #terfblr #what is a woman #long ass post

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qqueenofhades · 2 years

Note

Also wanted to add that in Russian language at least the main association is with the word “слава” [slava] which in Russian at least means “to be famous for your deeds”, so unless someone is being sarcastic I t means something like “to be well-known for your good work/your good deeds” or something, so not exactly glory…. Very hard to explain the difference though. Glory is more about triumph and beauty I think. That’s an immediate connection that I as a native Russian speaker make.

Also the adjective «славный» [slavnyi] means “lovely” and “nice”.

There is another one, with the word “слово” [slovo], which translates as “word”. So basically it means “people who can speak” than, which is a very common name for people and nations.

I always find it very….. strange when people go. Oh!! The name of your people means to be a slave. And I’m like,,,,,, no??? I have never even heard about the slave interpretation before. I don’t even think that it’s legit. English wiki mentions that it also might come from “svoboda” which means freedom. That’s the only version that I haven’t heard about.

To put it very politely, I have a suspicion that this interpretation is not being made in good faith.

You don't think the interpretation is being made in good faith by me, or by the people who interpret "slave" as having roots in "Slav?" As I said in my last post: yes, there is a disputed lineage and people do argue over it. However, as I pointed out, the most commonly accepted (and etymologically sound) hypothesis is that it did indeed derive from the medieval Latin "sclavus," which meant both "unfree person/person in bondage" and "person of Slavic origin." The two were conflated because of the large prevalence of Slavic people in medieval slave markets, especially those run by the Vikings (who were very active in the Rus' region).

The fact that this particular term, out of a wide range of medieval Latin words meaning "slave" and which were applied to people from all over the world, eventually ended up as the ONLY modern English word meaning "slave," is a result of importation into different languages and an evolving meaning down the line. As I also pointed out in the addition to my last post: it reflects the linguistic imperialism inherent in the Latin -> English pipeline (from Latin as language of empire in the ancient/medieval world and English as language of empire in the modern world) and not at all the original meaning or the original language.

However, likewise, most people don't make the Slav/slave connection now (as they are once more different words) and if they do, usually (as you note) on somewhat shoddy and suspect grounds. It's certainly not what the Slavs called themselves or what it meant originally (or indeed, today), it reflects a critical process and corruption of language that frankly I doubt most people understand, and sometimes comes up in the hoary old "white people were slaves too!!" strawman argument that I also addressed in one of my recent posts on this topic (as well as anti-Slavic prejudice more generally). So if that's what you mean by the argument not being made in good faith, then yes, I absolutely agree.

#anonymous #ask #history #medieval history #history of slavery #history of racism #history of english

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mybg3notebook · 3 years

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Gale: Hypothesis and Analogies – Part 1

Here, I compile several hypotheses that are pretty common to find around, expressing my opinion on them and showing what EA has given us so far to justify them or not.

Disclaimer Game Version: All these analyses were written up to the game version v4.1.104.3536 (Early access). As long as new content is added, and as long as I have free time for that, I will try to keep updating this information. Written in June 2021.

Disclaimer about interpretations of Real Life concepts: I’m not a fan of bringing real life issues into plain analogies/allegories in a game which intention in doing so was not made explicit, but the fandom seems to like this aspect and therefore I would like to share those opinions here as well since some seems reasonable despite not being of my taste. This topic may be sensitive for some people. Be aware of it.

Hypothesis: Gale was groomed

Concept

Grooming is building a relationship, trust, and emotional connection with a child or young person (and sometimes their family as well) to lower the child's inhibitions with the objective of sexual abuse. Grooming allows offenders to slowly overcome natural boundaries long before sexual abuse occurs. On the surface, grooming a child can look like a close relationship between the offending adult, the targeted child and (potentially) the child’s caregivers. The grooming process is often misleading because the offender may be well-known or highly regarded in the community. As a result, it’s easy to trust them. Although grooming is more common among children, it may happen with adults too, especially in work environments.

Stages: First, perpetrators may target and exploit a child’s perceived vulnerabilities: emotional neediness, isolation, neglect, a chaotic home life, or lack of parental oversight, etc. They work to gain the trust of parents/caregivers to lower suspicion.

Once the perpetrator begins to fill the child's needs, they may assume a more important role in the child's life. Perpetrators utilize tactics such as gift giving, flattery, gifting money, and meeting other basic needs. Tactics may also include increased attention and affection towards the targeted child. The perpetrator uses isolation tactics to reinforce their relationship with the child by creating situations in which they are alone together or by cultivating a sense that they love and understand the child in a way that others, even their parents, cannot.

Once emotional dependence and trust have been built, the perpetrator progressively sexualizes the relationship. When sexual abuse is occurring, perpetrators commonly use emotional manipulation; they make the child believe they are the only person who can meet their emotional and material needs. The child may feel that the loss of the relationship, or the consequences of exposing it, will be more damaging and humiliating than continuing the unhealthy relationship.

Behavioural consequence

The consequences on victims of grooming tend to be very different depending on the victim's age, personality, and psychology, but some broad leftover traits or behaviours can be summarised as:

They are too eager to please and have a great avoidance of angering others.

Big desire for privacy: they know others will not understand what they lived.

The victim becomes withdrawn, or they may seem troubled by something but unwilling to talk about it. Alternatively, their emotions might become more volatile.

They tend to be unaware of the abuse for a long while even after the relationship ended.

If they are aware, they tend to display shame and embarrassment for what happened.

They can suffer abandonment issues depending on the way this relationship ended.

They tend to develop difficulties to maintain relationships.

This situation tends to be particularly invisible or dismissed for men and boys due to social norms about masculinity.

Inside the context of BG3

First, it's important to estimate Gale's age. More or less the fandom agrees he is currently (1492DR) in his early 30s. Mystra returned in 1479DR (read the post about "Mystra and her Chosen ones" for details), so Mystra may have lured Gale into serving her as Chosen when he was around 17 years old (this depends on every player’s perception of Gale’s age)

This gives us a good estimation of the context: When Mystra returned thanks to Elminster—who gave her most of his Silver Fire—she immediately started to strengthen her network of Chosen ones and to work on repairing the Weave to its original state. Due to this unique context, Gale may have been observed by Mystra as a precious asset: a very young wizard who could not only control the Weave but compose it: a great skill to repair a still weak Weave. Furthermore, in the novel Dead Masks (1491DR), it is stated that the best way to cast a spell with a weakened Weave is to "twist" it instead of using it for tapping into the Raw Magic. In this book it is not clear if this is a skill that only Chosen ones have, but it has a strong similarity with Gale's skills.

Although we don't know much about Gale's childhood, if he was neglected or not as a child to be more easily lured by the Goddess, we can agree that it's most likely that Mystra has been watching him as a potential candidate since a child. Gale explicitly says: "I’ve been in touch with the Weave for as long as I can remember". And as far as Forgotten Realms lore goes, Weave and Mystra are the same. We also know that this is a common behaviour of Mystra who has been watching precocious, skilful wizards before choosing them for her goals: for example, Midnight.

When Gale reached an age that could be considered a "(very) young man", she seduced him, using his passion and love for Magic to lure him. She offered him a deep connection with her and with the Weave: with Magic itself. After seeing Gale's passion for magic, it is understandable that he—as a teenager or a young man—must have been dazzled by her and her proposal. We know that, in the novel Elminster: a mage in the making, she offered to Elminster exactly what he wanted the most: power to make his revenge possible . By the end of the encounter, Elminster became “charmed” by her despite hating her throughout all his life, turning into her devotee. This situation can be interpreted as another example of how Mystra works: she seems to lure her potential Chosen with the promise of giving them what they are most passionate about.

Once Mystra slept with her Chosen, and imbued her divine essence on them, she left them to their own devices, making them wait for her commands. In Elminster’s and Sammaster ‘s case, both were put under tests, being forced—by their own drive to please the Goddess—to develop more magic and personal skills to serve her. In the process, both developed an obsession for her. Elminster's seems to be less self-destructive than Sammaster's, but the latter could be understandable since he always suffered from madness. My point is, the pattern continues with Gale: driven by this obsession of wanting Mystra close, to please her, Gale tried to control an ancient magic, and failed, being abandoned by Mystra due to this mistake.

Gale, according to this interpretation as a victim of grooming, is still stuck in the process: he wants to please Mystra, wants to right his wrongs, even though in some scenes he seems to have been over her, in others he still seems to be very attached to her (it's hard to know which is the most accurate since it's EA and Gale was rushed), he keeps all this trouble in private because he knows nobody will understand.

Unlike an adult who realised he was victim of grooming, Gale seems to be still not over that relationship, showing many of the behavioural consequences:

Gale is a person who is always eager to please and avoid confrontations. If there is no choice he will use violent means, but he will always push for diplomatic approaches [1,2]. This trait seems to favour this interpretation.

He has a strong sense of privacy to the point that he is considered "shady". A lot of that desire for privacy may come from the fact that he knows no one will understand the unique relationship he had with a bigger entity. This can be seen by choosing the meanest options during the Weave and the Loss. Despite his many troubles, he remains secretive, acknowledging that "some things can't be spoken".

He is completely unaware of having been a victim of such power imbalance. He doesn't see abuse in it, and he is not performative about this fact, since he is very private on the topic until very late in game.

Nobody can deny his abandonment issues (which are even explicitly pointed out in the dev's notes) [20]

We can infer, by all the information given, that Mystra has been his first (and presumably only) relationship so far, giving a possible hint that he may have decided not to enter another relationship again or may have felt apprehensive about it (even though I personally think this impediment is mainly caused by the “orb”).

I don't completely subscribe to this interpretation because I don’t think Mystra’s main goal has been sexual abuse, but the creation of servants and devotees that allow her to expand her power. To do so, she uses sex as part of the “ritual” that transforms certain mortals into Chosen Ones. The way in which this is indirectly explained in the novels makes me remember the concept of Zeus and his abuse of mortals: he spreads part of his divinity in the form of demi-god offspring. In Mystra’s case, she seems to leave part of her divinity in the Chosen one that slept with her: the “seed” of semi-divinity.

However, it’s not clear if sleeping with her Chosen ones is a procedure she always does. Her daughters may have inherited her divinity when she conceived them while possessing a mortal body, but other female Chosen Ones seemed to be out of this process. Ed Greedwood also has a constant discourse in his novels where he explains that magic is “better” understood or much easily wielded by females because “they are connected to their emotions” and another stereotype of this kind. What seems to be clear is that Forgotten Realm lore hides as much as possible its queerness, and when it comes to Mystra, this habit of sleeping with her Chosen seems to apply (or at least make it more explicit) only to male mortals. So in short, her main goal was to catch another useful mortal to her group of Chosen Ones, and to do so, she lured Gale with all what she could offer. I also believe gods are gods, and they are immensely overpowered and entitled to do whatever they want in this fantasy world. They don't follow mortal rules, so they may have little scruples to do anything they see necessary to achieve their own goals, no matter if the consequences of their actions affect children, teenagers, or adults.

Mystra in particular has been a very neutral goddess (due to her many rebirths), not particularly cruel as an evil deity could be, but not completely selfless either: she has conceived her daughters using a mortal vessel who previously gave her consent but without knowing the consequences of giving birth each year for a decade while containing a goddess inside. Mystra also profited off of Sammaster's madness (some Harpers who wrote Sammaster’s reports suspect she could have been able to cure him): she may have actively decided not to in order to let his genius madness increase her realm of power/magic. Therefore, Mystra may have had little scruples to use a very young Gale enamoured with magic to turn him into another Chosen whose skills could fix the Weave given the context that it had been severely weakened after the Spellplague. So the grooming is not completely misplaced in my opinion.

Gale's Chosen selection process is not different to what we can read in the book of the Cult of the Dragon, where Sammaster became obsessed with Mystra after sleeping with her and developed metamagic as a consequence to impress her. Or in the novel Elminster, the making of a mage, where Elmister originally despised Mystra and every magic user. However, after being in her presence, he fell for her charm, and never could get over his "love" for her, suffering a lot of painful circumstances to just be a "good devotee" and serve her.

Mystra is written in most novels as the living allegory of the beautiful "mean" woman who will always ask for more from her poor captivated men, but she will never be completely satisfied, no matter how much they sacrifice. She acknowledges the effort, but she is always asking for more. Only with Elminster she actively tried to save him from the Hells, showing, for a change, that her Chosen can be a bit more than mere pawns in the big game of divine power. However, it's important to highlight that the last rebirth of Mystra has changed her: in the novel Dead Masks some of the Seven Sisters explicitly say that Mystra has turned paranoid, asking each of her Chosen to do missions that the others cannot know. She has become more secretive and cryptic than ever.

Mystra's actions seem to have worse connotation if we think that she can have visions of the future, as she had when she decided that Sammaster had to be her Chosen: she had foresaw the death of another Chosen and she wanted him to fill that vacuum before the event happened. So she may have foreseen Gale’s actions in his naive way to impress her. Maybe she wanted him to do it, so she could have a new piece of magic in her realm. But this is mere speculation, we will need the full release of the game to have the answer.

As I explained, despite not being a fan of it, the interpretation of grooming is not a bad one. It fits mostly if it's applied to a teenage boy, and probably it would have been taken a bit more seriously and less prone to jokes inside the fandom if Gale were a female character and Mystra a male God.

Hypothesis: Gale has abandonment Issues

Concept

Abandonment issues arise when an individual has a strong fear of losing loved ones. A fear of abandonment is a form of anxiety. It often begins in childhood when a child experiences a traumatic loss. Children who go through this experience may then begin to fear losing other important people in their lives. Some individuals continue to fear abandonment as they grow older. Although it is less common, abandonment issues can also sometimes begin in adulthood.

The loss often stems from a trauma, such as a death or divorce. Emotional abandonment, where a parent or caregiver is physically present but emotionally absent, may also give rise to abandonment issues later in life. It is not clear what makes one person develop this fear, since not all humans who have experienced similar losses do it. Trauma — potentially from abuse or poverty — may play a role, as may the level of emotional support that a person receives following a loss. These issues can have a significant effect on a person’s life and relationships because they fear that the other person will leave them at any moment.

Behavioural signs/consequences

Being overly eager to please ( a “people pleaser”)

Pushing others away to avoid rejection

Jealousy of the partner or the others when in a relationship.

Trouble trusting their partner's intentions.

Feeling insecure about their relationships.

Codependency

Need for continuous reassurance that others love them and will stay with them

Persisting in unhealthy relationships

Inability to maintain relationships: or moving quickly from one relationship to another or sabotaging them

Inside the context of BG3

I'm not going to explain this in great detail since it's spread in most of the posts I’ve done about Gale's analysis. What it's clear is that Gale has a constant fear for abandonment once he starts caring for Tav as a friend or/and lover, and this fear makes him prone to do things of poor taste. This fear seems to make him look for acceptance that only through a night of intimacy can give him. This information is apparently in the book he read, making us guess that his experience with relationships is rather poor if nonexistent. Dev's notes also reinforce the idea that Gale fears abandonment:

Gale: It is my truth, finally revealed. It is this folly that led Mystra to abandon me completely. I can only hope you won’t abandon me as well. After all we’ve been through. After the night we spent together. Surely we can brave even this side by side Dev's note: Solemn. Full of yearning, his news will not lead to him being abandoned by the player.

Gale: Loyalty is such a… such a very rare commodity. Dev's note: The reference to loyalty foreshadows Mystra leaving him.

So far in EA, we can see that Gale checks some behavioural consequences of this fear: he is always eager to please, approaching Tav with courtesy and jovial manners, only displaying his most acidic side to a Tav whose actions are evil. In that case, Gale cares little if Tav leaves him. With the Loss scene we can see that it is hard for him to give his trust to others, pushing them away because they would not understand the grave mistake he made. His trust demands constant progression from the Stew scene, to the Weave, to the Loss scene. If he is romanced, he asks several times if Tav is thinking of the Weave moment. When Tav asks him this question, Gale will deflect, always asking back to have Tav’s answer first before giving his: it could be interpreted as Gale looking for constant reassurance in the blooming relationship.

However, in my opinion, the best situation that shows his abandonment issues is during our meeting with Gandrel. Gale disapproves of handing over Astarion, by telling Tav about an anecdote of a dog turning old and mean: how his friend got rid of the animal just because it was an inconvenience. This is very curious since Gale's mistrust for Astarion is not a secret: he stated many times that Astarion is a danger to the group, and his wickedness causes him to strongly dislike him. The reason for this is quite obvious if we see both lists of approvals: mostly what one approves the other disapproves. Despite all this, Gale strongly judges Tav for handing Astarion over, and his disapproval for doing it shows that Gale is not lying on the matter: the meta-knowledge is trustworthy information.

This can be understood better when Tav defends Astarion against Gandrel: Gale approves twice of defending him. If Astarion is not in the group when meeting the monster hunter, the first approval happens when Tav recognises that Astarion is part of their companions/friends (therefore, Tav is showing care for their group). The second approval happens when Tav reinforces their loyalty to Astarion insisting that they won’t give his location (this is a clear display of loyalty that Gale acknowledges as rare. See the post of "Gale Hypotheses- Part 2", section: "Proposition to Cheat" for more details). Although Gale will explicitly question this decision, he secretly approved it (the approvals we saw are meta-knowledge: only the player sees them). Considering the undeniable context that Gale deeply dislikes Astarion, we may interpret this as Gale seeing in Tav a loyal person who will not abandon someone they care for, even if that person endangers them. Loyalty is something that resounds deeply in Gale due to his abandonment issues.

Another detail on this matter can be seen during the party. If Tav arranges spending the night with a companion and then asks (non-romanced) Gale the same, he will answer:

Gale: You are all too quick to abandon the one you promised yourself to. It’s not a quality I admire.

This line shows that first, Gale is not interested in casual sex; he needs the connection that the Weave provides and Tav’s explicit, previous romantic interest in it. Second, when Gale is romanced but Tav sleeps with someone else, Gale will not interfere in that affair, but he may not like it (due to his, I suppose, jealous comment since he doesn’t display an approval penalty for this). However, he seems to equate loyalty with commitment, understanding that affair as a fling but believing he still holds the romantic interest of Tav, hence his proposition the next day. More details in the post of "Gale Hypotheses- Part 2", section: "Proposition to Cheat".

---------

Sources for both parts:

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders ( 5V)

Some concepts were summarised from: https://melcrowecounsellor.com www.d2l.org/child-grooming-signs-behavior-awareness/

This post was written in June 2021. → For more Gale: Analysis Series Index

#bg3 meta #bg3 gale #gale #gale of waterdeep

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spooky-z · 4 years

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Bombshell AU

The Bombshell Dupain-Cheng plot that shouldn't exist. But I have no chill, so...

Long post!

Marinette appears totally different in Paris, after 3 months gone and everyone is shocked.

We have seen all of this in the one-shot/prequel (HERE), so we’re understood so far.

But what happens to make this drastic change in Marinette's look?

Well, let's go back to when Fu makes Mari a guardian for good and loses the memories of the miraculous, in addition to finally meeting his love.

And here the canon dies. RIP

(Going to the current plot.)

Mari is losing her shit, having lost the only adult person who supported her in heroin life and who helped (poorly) in the most complicated situations.

So here it is: Marinette Dupain-Cheng, 13, collège student, part-time heroine, aspiring designer, class representative and now guardian of very powerful magical jewels.

AH! And a nanny. We can't forget that!

The poor girl doesn't have a minute's peace in this house.

She won't even talk about ugh, Lila, because at that moment the Italian was just a fly on the pile of garbage she had to deal with.

So, she turns to the only possible person in this situation, even though she is afraid of previous behavior.

Chat Noir. Yeee

And she's like, "chat, we need to talk." And he: “omg she will confess”

In the end Ladybug tears up Chat Noir and manages to make the hero understand her side, promising to help.

Marinette spends a few months testing the cat, to see if he slips, but to her relief (because she loved that kitty, even if she didn't say it) he remains steadfast.

They reveal the identities and awkward moment omg

Adrien may have screamed a little like a fan with his idol

Mari may have passed out.

(not that any of them will confess that)

They have a heart for a heart.

Mari no longer in love with Adrien and Adrien trying to overcome Ladybug at that point.

When hawkbeetch decides to attack harder, the two agree that they needed help permanently.

Alya was cut off as soon as the idea was put on the table.

The first ones chosen are Alix, Luka and Kagami

Over time Max and Kim also came back

There was uncertainty in choosing who had been chosen before, but magic was able to supply the uncertainties, since when transformed they were no longer the unmasked heroes

The situation with Lila and because of Alya, Nino is also cut.

So, Chloe makes a 160, apologizes to Marinette looking really sorry and wanting to change

Félix also returns to study at Dupont, after Adrien complains to him about Gabriel forcing Lila into the teenager

With that, the team closes on 9 permanent heroes, but that not all of them always appeared in the fights.

They manage to deal with akumas-hawkdude for a while, but when mayura appears more and more in fights things get worse

It was Max's idea to contact JL for help and so they get batfamily's attention

Batman sends Robin and Red Robin to help closely, while the rest were helping from Gotham

There were some disagreements between Ladybug and Robin, since the vigilante was very... annoying. Not to say worse, she had no patience to put up with the boy's arrogant ass.

As for Red Robin, everyone loved him.

(Max may have had some personal discoveries after meeting the guy)

Time passed, Robin became Reynard

And even with the help of the batboys, finding out who the mothman was became increasingly frustrating.

Everyone came to the conclusion that the magic was much greater in camouflage than they thought before

In that they reach half of the Lycée without any advantage over the villain

Alix and Chloe dating since 14

Marinette and Luka started dating when the girl turned 15, Damian joining the relationship a few months later after pining (of the three)

Félix and Kagami only started to see themselves as something more than friends after they turned 16

Kim and Max being the youngest to start dating, at 13

Adrien only met Jon after identities were shared between the team, he was 16 years old

The identities being shared were entirely accidental. All of them having used their powers and without time to hide from each other, the transformations fell

Finding out who the batfamily was, was easy after that.

Things continued at an impasse until Marinette found Diana Prince on one of the galas in Gotham.

And worlds were opened for the little guardian.

"Oh." The woman murmured; her eyes fixed on Marinette.

Bruce had introduced them both after Diana showed curiosity about the two people with Damian.

"Guardian."

Marinette released the woman's hand as if she had been shocked. Panic running through her veins. Damian and Luka stood up alert.

"What- No. My name is Marinette." She replied nervously.

Diana noticed the girl's behavior, as well as that of the other two boys, and relaxed her posture in a more friendly one.

“My apologies, Marinette. I didn't mean to scare you like that.” The woman took the girl's hand again in hers. A kind smile on her face. "I could feel the power in you since my mother was the former bearer of the goddess Tikki."

The three teenagers gasped in surprise.

"Rreally?" Marinette sighed; her eyes wide.

Diana laughed softly, finding the girl cute. "Yes." But the smile gave way to a confused expression. "But you shouldn't be surprised, since you're the guardian."

"Ah..." Marinette was suddenly shy. The eyes across the room, except for the woman. “I didn't get to finish my training. Master F- the former guardian was obliged to pass on his duty before training me.”

Diana's face contorted in regret before her eyes lit up with an idea. A wonderful one.

"Marinette, I believe I have the perfect solution for this."

And the girl felt her heart race with hope.

With that, Diana offered training to her and the other miraculous heroines in Themyscira and Mari accepted after talking to her friends.

Arthur Curry, at Diana's request, also appeared offering training for the boys and a plan was formed.

They just needed a little more luck... or money.

Bruce, managed to put Dupont as a priority on the Parisian government's reform list

And with more help, Zatanna agreed to stay in Paris to stop Hawkmoth from attacking.

I'm not going to explain this part much here because I'm writing a fanfiction about it. So let's go to some headcanons about this plot.

In this AU I will be working with the hypothesis that the miraculous have limitations, because the heroes have not yet matured. Whether in age or mentality. They are still "children".

That wielding jewelry has side effects like: slow aging. Too slow. Which ends up affecting teenagers, since most were children/pre-teens when they became heroes.

Kwamis are, in fact, the first gods in the world. They are the origin of the universe.

Each miraculous has a true owner in each generation.

Jewelry, kwami and suits can change forms according to the holder. For example: if Plagg wants to, he can take the form of a normal black cat.

In the case of jewelry, I had this idea because of the monkey's miraculous. It is impossible to use without drawing attention, so here the jewels can change shape at any time. If the holder wants to.

As soon as a true holder wields the jewel, when they are in their majority, the miraculous mark is "tattooed" on the person's skin. (Between the shoulder blades, being more specific). I did a shitty editing on my cell phone. HERE.

If a person who is not a rightful holder should use the miraculous, magic corrupts the person as a form of protection.

Alya, Nathalie, Gabriel and Emilie are examples of this.

There is only one exception to this rule: if the Guardian allows use.

Speaking of Guardian, here, they (Mari) have powers over the box and jewelry.

Tag? let me know in this post.

@saays-bitch @xxmdsxx @nicknnie @iamablinkmarvelarmy

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axemetaphor · 3 years

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im definitely not ripping off my friend by making a list of au ideas i have no siree //gonna slap this under a readmore cause i. well i say a lot. all of the time. i tried so hard to format this Good but tumblr fucked me up i am so sorry

so first-off i know i already have one WIP AU (Auckland) on ao3 so i wont talk about That one cause like. spoilers. i actualyl have it like 80% created so its likely gonna truly get finished for once and i dont wanna ruin shit

the other one ive posted about is something me and ben (catgirlrepublic) have worked on together its not at all close to done or anything but it's. a fun little crossover. Between jdate and my fuckinuhm. Original characters story “Untitled Villains Project”. the sketches of the comic version ive started is actually my pinned post 👉👈 its like the first chunk of the story, i think half of part 1? yea.

Tldr john fucking Somehow is able t oget into contact with a certain curious scientist from another reality who’d just love to study the Soy Sauce, most certainly not for her own nefarious purposes

John and Dave meet up with the scientist, her name is Boss, and her lab assistant, Toxic, and after a bit of a preliminary Vibe Check where john determines her trustworthy (which Dave doesnt agree with,) the two agree to be taken to the world UVP is set in. from there they stay in Boss’s lab (big old fucking abandoned military lab). John and Toxic are fast friends due to mutual love-of-chaos. John n Dave get to fuckin, camp out on an air mattress.

The day after they arrive, the two get split up, not exactly intentionally; big plot points of UVP are liek. Fueled by Boss sending Toxic to go fetch her “research materials,” which are usually important artifacts

Fuckin side note i guess i have to explain my dumb bullshit: Boss’s, uh, field of expertise so to speak is actually fckin, basically the scientific study of magic and superpowers n shit like that. This shit’s all real in that world. Toxic’s got fuckin superpowers, so do 4 other main characters, whatever. It’s got a bit to do with spirituality, iss Boss’s hypothesis. So she has Toxic fetch important artifacts that might have “energies” to them. The thing is actually way more fuckin complictated than that, this is just Boss’s initial hypothesis.

Motherfucking anyways. So Boss gives Toxic a job to do, and John get excited about how Cool that sounds, and ends up going with Toxic, leaving Boss and Dave alone. Neither is thrilled about this. But Dave and Boss get to have a bit of conversation (while Toxic and John are off bonding and having a good time) and come to a… mutual grudging understanding of some kind. They still dont like each other though lmao

Theres gonna be deeper shit going on but we havent sorted it out yet/tbh havent like Written For It in a while but i still like thinking about it a lot lol

Also pretty sure our endgame is john and dave steal toxic and bring them back with em lmao boss is kind of not nice and toxic would most certainly be better off in Undisclosed. Actually theyd fucking love it. Theyd become a local cryptid im sure. Undisclosed’s mothman is a teleporting spike baby.

I have. Another crossover AU that i might. Post something about for halloween? Maybe? If i have it finished?

Crosses over into, you guessed it, another one of my original-character projects. God, am i vain or something?

I promise this is just because i think blue and dave should get to team up to beat up some monsters

Quick briefing on my fuckinuh. Original character story, this one doesnt have a name (yet? Idk lol my work never actually goes anywhere sso who gives a shit). It centers around two grim reapers, Red (26, bi woman) and Blue (22, aroace agender asshole). In this reality or whatever, grim reapers function kind of like low-level office workers. They get told who’s going to die + when by some middle-management types, and upper management only involve themselves when punishment needs to be doled out. These Higher-Ups can be seen as analogous to Korrok; they’re decidedly not human, never were, and fucking terrifyingly powerful. Additionally, grim reapers are sort of .. designed to be “background noise” people. In reality theyre supernatural beings and, uh, look Real Fuckin Weird (the whole deal has a neon aesthetic im terrible at drawing uwu) but most humans just perceive them like extras in a movie. A body’s there but the camera’s not focused on it.

To the narrative: the shit starts when Red n Blue get relocated to Undisclosed. Relocation is something that just happens every now and then to reapers; they usually work in teams, but they get split up into different cities to avoid any strong bonds forming (a counter-union strategy from the Higher-Ups).

Red, Blue, John and Dave end up running into each other for the first time in a McDonalds where John n Dave are getting some 4am “hey, we just survived another horrific monster fight” celebration burgers. John and Dave are the only two people who can see how… strange Red and Blue are. Nobody else notices.

John unintentionally pisses Blue off, leading to Blue whacking him upside the head with a dildo bat. They all four get kicked out of McDonald’s. Dave and Red both are less than thrilled

Blue and John end up resolving their differences, somehow. Red and Dave briefly bond over their dumbass best friends being, well, dumbasses. They all part ways amicably.

somehow-or-other (idk yet) they end up running into each other a few more times, and eventually john invites them over to his place, and the four (plus Amy now!) get to know each other a little better

while there, Blue gets a text about some guy who's gonna die and John offers to drive them to where that's gonna go down. they take him up on the offer and get to have a bit of one-on-one conversation

after that ordeal though Blue has had Enough of people and bails, leaving John to head home alone

theres a sort of mirror-development going on with the five of em. Red, John, and Amy would all like everyone to get along, though theyre a bit tentative about it (John moreso than the other two, actually, jsut cause. well Red n Blue could still be Sauce Monsters). Dave and Blue on the other hand do Not like people enough for this shit, and Dave's not unconvinced theyre Sauce Monsters. he will not trust them until proven he should

the story's kinda nebulous but i got an idea for some Shit going down that involves both Sauce Monsters and also the Higher-Ups to have some fuckin absolute chaos go down.

Oops! All Trans

Everybody is transgender. Everyone

Ive actually workshopped this one both with ben (catgirlrepublic) and ghost (ghost-wannabe) lmao its a fun lil concept ive had from the get-go cause i mean. What’s an internet tran gonna do other than hit all their favourite media with the Everyone’s Trans beam

Dave transitioned post-high school and faked his death for it. People go missing in Undisclosed all the damned time, after all. He moved to the next city over, transitioned fully, then came back as a completely new man. Yes i know this doesnt exactly fit with the “everyone knows David from high school” thing alright, hush.

Anytime anyone brings up John’s old best friend (pre-transition Dave) John throws an entire fit like an overdramatic grieving widow. Full-on sobbing “why would you bring her up?! I miss her so much—” to the point that people just stop bringing up because Jesus Christ That Sure Is Uncomfortable KJHGFDS.

This is a scheme he and Dave came up with prior to Dave leaving, though Dave hadnt exactly anticipated John putting on this much of a performance about it— but it’s stopped Dave from ever having tto hear his deadname again, so hey.

Amy transitioned sometime in middle school/early high school. Her family was super supportive and loved her a ton and most people just know her as Amy. she was super shy her whole life really so. Yeah. people just dont think to bring it up lmao also i Feel Like big jim would absolutely wallop anyone who gave her trouble of any kind

John’s nonbinary (genderfluid specifically) and not exactly Interested in transitioning ? like hes fine with how he is. mostly.

he came out to Dave in high school but hes not out to anyone else exactly. Maybe his bandmates. Probably any other trans person in Undisclosed knows, too, cause theyre safe to tell lmao. Johns mostly a “he/him out of convenience” kinda nb who’s cool with any pronouns but does prefer they/them most. Dave and Amy use they/them when the trio are alone

Also this is a totally self-indulgent caveat that i think would be great, Dave’s actually agender but because he's transmasc and transitioned when he thought there were really only two options, and being Boy at least felt less weird than being Girl, he just kind of assumed he was a dude. It’s only through a lot of (like fucking years and years hes probably in his 30s/40s when he puts 2 and 2 together on this one) talks about gender with John that he realizes he actually feels like No Gender. Masc aesthetic with none gender.

I Just Think It’d Be Neat Is All Okay

Also Amy came out to Dave about being trans early on in them seeing each other and his response was to get very nervous before blurting out “me too” and then just being too embarrassed to talk about it for the rest of the day. Hes got a lot of hangups on talking about it actually it takes years for him to get comfortable in that

by contrast when Amy comes out to John about it his response is to yell “EYYY ME TOO” and give her a big ol hug lmao

I think itd be neatt if Amy ran a like. Transfem help/advice blog on tumblr. Kind of helped-with by John who can give her transfem nb insight for certain asks. I also just think that would be neat.

Cowboy AU - i put this one last cause its got drawings to it actually. Theyll be at the bottom

Basically just. Hey you ever watched a western. I think they look neat

This is another one me n ben have come up with lol

The soy sauce and all that shit still exist, im not sure where korrok fits in yet but ill figure it out

Theres no real like solid narrative yet ? but heres the barebones of everybody’s arcs.

John

Johns an absolute troublemaker, Of Course. Hes wanted in several towns for absolutely stupid shit. Hes a loner who shows up, causes chaos, gets drunk, does some drugs, runs away if people get too mad at him

He definitely had the same kind of deal with the soy sauce as in canon— he was at some kind of party, somebody offered it, he took it cause why the fuck wouldnt he, now he can see monsters and shit

Hes kind of a mooch also. Like. dont let him stay in your barn man he’ll never fucking leave and drink all your booze.

He runs into Dave when they happen to just, cross paths in the same town. the bullshit John stirs up ends up involving Dave in a way that makes it seem like it's his fault too, and they both get run out of town

after that he just tags along after Dave. hes decided this guy's Cool he wants to stick around. Dave is pissed at first, but not enough to shoot him or anything, and eventually, John grows on him

Dave

Dave also is a loner but unlike John hes simply so fucking awkward and bad with people. He doesnt feel like he belongs anywhere so he just travels

He’s the stereotypical Lone Ranger tbh. He wanders from town to town, solving their problems, though hed deny its out of any moral obligation (it kinda is, a little bit, tbh. He does like feeling useful). He shows up, fixes things, leaves. He's kind of a legend but most people think he's hiding something dark. other people jsut know him as that guy who farted real loud in the middle of the saloon and promptly skipped town out of sheer embarrassment. you know how it goes with Dave

He ends up involved with the Soy Sauce when a snake (not Actually a snake,) bites him. The snake’s more like the wig-monsters, really. Anyway, it injects him with the soy sauce, he fucking trips balls in the middle of the desert, he can see monsters now

He runs into John and shit goes tits-up, as said, but they become traveling buddies after that. he'd never say so, but he's glad for the company, actually. it's nice. hes not used to companionship but he feels a strange kind of easiness hanging out with John....

not sure how the Monster Dave concept will like fit in to this reality but like. trust me i want it in here. I'll Figure It Out.

Amy

Amy’s been living in a town John and Dave end up passing through and she is very curious about these two new Handsome Strangers who claim to fight monsters and just kinda. Persistently tags along til they let her join for real

Her family’s all dead, unfortunately, just like in canon, and she’s been living alone for a few years before meeting John n Dave. she had nothing left in that town to stay for, she'd been fantasizing about escaping on wild adventures for a long time and this felt a little like a dream come true. (Dave still gives her a spiel about how Difficult it is, but really, her fantasies were pretty grounded-in-reality already. i jsut think thats how she is, yknow?)

Shes the first person to react to the whole “we see monsters” shit with a kind of “oh, okay. neat” kind of response lmao

John and Dave fix whatever the fuck is up with her town (maybe that’s where the Korrok shit can fit, who knows) and Amy ends up being integral to that. After, she insists they take her with them because “they need her now” and Dave just cant really say no. John too is very much "the more the merrier!" and hes actually glad to have another person along he loves people lmao

At the start she has long hair but after she joins them she chops it short with a knife for convenience

also she still is an amputee. justt. idk. it was a wagon/stagecoach accident rather than a car accident lmao. just to clarify since i hadnt mentioned it, i wouldnt rob her of her ghost hand or yknow. all of the significance to her character that Missing A Hand has. although also now im going to have to research what was used as painkillers way-back-when, but im betting shes still got, like, her pain pills, they probably had those, maybe i wouldnt have to try too hard there. old timey medicine could be WACK though,

Shitload

Yeah hes in tthis shit mostly cause i liked designing his cowboy self lmao

Hes a kid (like 16, 17, technically i think in those days that was more Young Man than Kid but whatever. Hes Young i mean.) who got possessed by the Worms out in the desert and, by his family’s perception, just went missing!

Hes also a wanderer, but he ended up at the same town john and dave met in, at that same time, and starts following them after, already aware of who/what they are.

He keeps his face covered 24/7. actually he covers a Majority of his self for reasons. kinda want him to be a slightly more horrifying Worm Entity rather than human idk,

I kinda dont have much for this boy yet sorry Shitload

images !

with some editing notes for me cause im doing a very specific aesthetic with this lmao. i might change some lil details/colours though ...... idk

im also kinda 🤔 about shitload's colour palette. i want things assoicated w the sauce to be black'n'red predominantly but i think his palette might mirror dave's too closely. also im working on a korrok design i jsut am too busy to draw it now

#jdate #john dies at the end #aus #erh. tthe hell do i tag this as #rambles.txt #long post #well let me know if youd wanna hear more or. or something #send an ask. or whatever #yaknow #:jazz hands:

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fanfalc-616 · 3 years

Text

The Rights Of A Nindroid

Chapter Thirteen- Variation One

(Prevoius chapter here)

(Discord Here)

This chapter was originally an RP with @ablackswansweet, and there are two versions- one from both character’s POV. I have Swan’s permission to post this.

Zane warily eyes the young adult who enters alongside Martha. Does she intend to hurt him to force him to do something?

“What do you want?” He questions, hating the resignation in his tone.

He really has begun to give up.

The blond seems oddly excited, considering the circumstances. It looks as though he’s barely containing himself as he comes up to Zane.

He leans into the nindroid’s personal space, studying him closely in a way that once again makes him feel like a studied lab rat.

"I want to learn how you work." The blond smiles deviously. He then grabs Zane’s face and moves it around to inspect it from different angles, and Zane tries to cover up his winces of pain as some of his exposed sensors are touched.

The blond takes a few notes in a notebook before returning to Martha’s side, still with an evil expression.

Zane tries to hide his sigh of relief when the teen leaves. It had taken a lot of impulse control to stop himself from attempting to bite the blond- being manhandled in such a way is a very unpleasant feeling.

“Haven’t you done that enough?” He protests, shifting in his bonds to the best of his ability. “With everything you’ve done to me, I doubt that any competent mechanic would need any more research.”

He glares at the two while he speaks, wishing he still had his faceplate- if only to better emphasize his look of displeasure.

The young man laughs a little, seemingly more to himself than to anyone around him. Yet once again, there’s still an almost cruel aura around him that puts Zane on edge.

"Thing is, Original, I'm not exactly a mechanic. I'm just really, really interested by your wires and gears. And how well they respond to… Certains stimuli," he says.

The teen takes a few more notes before looking to Martha, seeming to wait for approval. She gives it with a nod.

Zane doesn’t quite grasp what is happening until wires are hooked up to him, the blond still seeming to almost shake in his excitement.

He then steps in front of the control panel and looks back to Martha.

Zane feels a wave of unease take over him. Something about this situation is concerning him, and it’s more than the fact that they likely plan to hurt him.

They haven’t given any orders. They haven’t asked any questions. And yet it seems that they plan to hurt him anyway.

They claim that this is training, but at this particular moment, it seems as though this shaping up to be more torture than an attempt at teaching.

“To begin with, my name is Zane, not Original. Second, if you are so interested in ‘wires and gears’ perhaps a robotics course would be a more healthy outlet for you.”

He’s well aware that his words will make no difference, but he attempts to convince the teen to leave him alone anyway.

After a few moments, he adds, “Why are you doing this? I can assure you that I have never meant to cause harm on any innocents.” He glances over at Martha on the last words, noting her displeased expression.

“You can begin whenever you like.” She tells the blond, who hums in response.

"Hey, Original?" He calls out, waiting until Zane looks at him to continue. "You talk a lot."

The young man then pushes a button, and Zane finds himself squirming in his bonds at the uncomfortable feeling. This is far from the worst they have done or can do, but it is still not a pleasant feeling.

He watches as the blond writes something else down, and starts to try and reason with the teen, trying to convince him to stop. He even uses proper manners, but it still seems to have no effect.

When his requests to stop are left ignored, Zane decides to take a new track.

“I suppose I am talking a lot,” he admits, “but not nearly as much as an old friend of mine. Jay couldn’t stay quiet if his life depended on it.”

While starting up a friendly conversation might seem illogical, Zane hopes that it will perhaps give him some insight on the one hurting him. Information about the blond may give him an opportunity to convince him to stop- and perhaps small talk will help him prove that he is seintent.

"Heh, yeah. I had a guy like that in one of my foster homes." The blond smirks, seemingly at the way Zane is surprised. "Didn't end well for him either. No one like a constant source of useless noise, don't you agree?"

Zane isn’t quite sure why he finds him so humorous, but he chooses not to dwell on it, instead trying to find an appropriate response to the words.

"How is your old friend doing now?" The blond smirks as he turns up the voltage, staring Zane dead in the eyes.

Zane struggles to keep a hold of himself, gritting his teeth and trying to maintain the conversation.

And endless source of constant noise? That could be a way to describe it, but Zane has always been fond of Jay’s rambling.

“I haven’t seen him in a while- I’ve been a little…” He glances down at his chains, wincing. “... tied up.”

At this point, it’s likely that the blond has a game of his own if he’s still choosing to continue the small talk- and the large smirk on his face confirms it.

He pauses a moment before continuing. “I don’t think I caught your name, either. What do you go by?”

The blond wears a faux-surprised expression for a moment before answering. "My name's Kyle. He/him, I guess. But I don't think you're going to need to know that."

He returns to slowly upping the charge of the voltage, seeming to reveal in the uncomfortableness that he’s causing.

"Tell me about your other old friends.” Kyle still doesn’t look away. “You said you were dating, right ? How's it like ?" That menacing smile doesn’t fade, and while Zane isn’t quite sure where he’s going with this, surely playing along for the moment couldn’t hurt.

He forces any sign of pain down, attempting to keep up a polite and friendly facade even as the pain increases.

“It’s nice to meet you, Kyle.” He lies. “I don’t recall mentioning that I was in an active relationship, but I suppose that the background research you must’ve done would cover that.”

It is obvious that they know about his boyfriends- how else would they have known to show him what they did in the sensory manipulation?

The pain is still increasing, and it’s becoming harder and harder to pretend as though he’s not hurt.

His breathing has begun to grow heavy, and he’s sure that there are flickers of winces being shown, but he still does his best to maintain his friendly appearance.

"Yeah, I read your file before coming here. Big fan, by the way." Kyle still wears a cruel smile, but it starts to turn more menacing, an evil nature with more purpose. "Wonder how they feel about your self-sacrificing nature," he snarls.

But then he pauses, gritting his teeth. He seems to be trying to keep a hold on himself, but Zane isn’t quite sure what could have triggered it.

Unless… is it possible that his self destruct could have harmed more the way it did Martha?

Zane doesn’t have time to dwell on the thoughts, as he’s suddenly blasted with electricity, and he’s forced to bite back a cry of pain.

Thankfully, it’s only high for a few moments before Kyle lowers it, allowing Zane to regain his composure with a relieved sigh.

Kyle redirects the conversation again. "So, your old friends ?"

Zane decides to instead address the major concern of what may be a part of Kyle’s hostility.

“When I was fighting the Golden Master, I meant no harm to any innocent people. I was built to protect those who cannot protect themselves. I… I understand that in some ways, I have failed this function, but I do my best to help those in need.”

Breathe in, breathe out. Keep calm. He can’t let the pain overtake him- he’s begun to sense that that’s what Kyle wants.

He debates saying more, but chooses to remain silent, waiting for a hopefully diplomatic response.

Kyle sighs and gives him a sharp glare that confirms Zane’s hypothesis. It was likely that his sacrifice had-

He’s cut off from his thoughts by a spike of electricity, and it takes quite a bit of willpower to prevent himself from shouting out at the pain.

Unfortunately, it appears that his pained reaction pleases Kyle, who is now smiling again.

"You didn't answer my question, Original. How was life with your… Boyfriends ? Kai Smith, Jay Walker and Cole Brookstone, yeah ?" He smiles as he emphasises the last names, a menacing threat behind his words.

Zane feels everything in his body go rigid, and with his concentration now centered on the others, he knows that he is having more acute reactions to the pain.

He hates the small whimper that escapes him, but he ignores it in favor of speaking, addressing the underlying threat of his words.

“You do not touch them.” He snarls. “If you hurt them, I swear on the First Spinjitzu Master that I will hunt you down to the ends of the-“ Zane finds himself cut off with a cry of pain as the voltage is jammed up.

"Calm down. I didn't even actually threaten them yet," The blond mutters to himself. Thankfully, it’s not long before he lowers the voltage, and when he does Zane is able to breathe again.

But his panic is still running high. He had all but directly said that-

"If I wanted to truly use them as hostages, I'd tell you I know which shop they go to every two weeks to buy supplies and food, which is the one at the end of the main avenue."

The voltage begins to increase, and Zane wants to be listening, but he can only just make out his words, in too much pain to think straight.

"I'd tell you we have live feed of them almost every day and everywhere they go."

Zane hates the loud screams escaping him, but he can’t even focus on them, all of his attention forcefully grabbed by the pain and the threats, the way he threatens the ones he loves-

"Or… I'd tell you how one of them already got arrested once, and how easy it is to transfer prisoners or fake an accident."

Zane can feel the way his body is reaching the maximum limits of what it can handle, he can’t handle much more of this, this will kill him, he can’t possibly-

When the power is shut off, Zane finds himself sobbing, thankful that it’s gone, the pain is gone, but he still has fear running through him, fear of what could possibly happen to the ones he loves.

Kyle walks up to him, and Zane hates the fact that he flinches, and he hates even more the smile the teen wears when he does.

"Don't you dare threaten me or her ever again. Remember who holds the power here," the blond mutters in his ear before going back over to Martha, checking his notebook.

Zane doesn’t have it in him to be ashamed of how much he had screamed when the voltage was on maximum power- or at least, what had felt like it.

He wants to retort, to tell the boy that will protect his boyfriends to the death, to tell him that he is more than a machine, to tell him that he will threaten him again if he has to.

But he can’t find the words. He’s too tired to come up with proper sentences.

The part of him that spends too much time with Kai urges him to tell the teen a string of insulting curse words, but Zane ignores it.

When the two leave the room, Zane doesn’t even bother saying a farewell.

What’s the point in it, anyway?

#the rights of a nindroid #ninjago fanfiction #ninjago zangst #psychological torture #torture #trauma

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floxalopex · 3 years

Text

So... it's about spacebats.

There was a post on twitter. I asked if it was canonically confirmed that Hordak and the clones are really "spacebats", since I've once read a post in which a fan said the showrunners denied it. Look, I'm crazy. Maybe I'm wrong.

Anyways. Me and the account I talked with (if you are here, hi dear💜) agreed that they have too many similarities with bats. So even if it's not confirmed it's canon in my heart.

Spacebats have, according to my answers:

-large hands: bats are in the order of chiroptera (kheiros=hand; pteiros=wing). Plus the claws. I had originally headcanon their hands to be bigger than their feet, but honestely they need a good lever to apply their body weight. Feet are very complicated organs (yes, organs) and they need to satisfy certain physics requests in order to allow erect position. So, claws on both hands and feet. Same size.

-looking at the design of the spacebats (especially Horde Prime) I've noticed some kind of disproportion. They have shorter femur. Or at least, shorter than us. Bats have shorter inferior limbs. We had too longer arms to climb, then they became shorter and shorter. But we never had "hand wings". So that's the only reason I can find for the disproportion to exist in the first place. It's very little after all and sometimes animation inconsistency deletes it too.

-I'm neutral towards the headcanon of them having devil tails (in fanfics). Who cares, I mean you can have more caudal vertebrae and that's okay, even humans have it sometimes. Our bats don't have long tails, but who knows the other bats "in the universe". Etherian bats/Imp's brothers have long tails. About the wings headcanon mmm not so much. They are extra limbs for them. But as I said, same goes with Angella. It's creepy to me, but I know people love the Angel/Devil dichotomy.

-large shoulders and so⤵️

-"fat tiddies": as I said, those may actually be just larger pectoral muscles. You know, to fly you need those. As I said on twitter if I were to imagine a humanoid form evolved from bats I would think about the spacebats.

Now, compared anathomy, biological anologies and homologies apart.

Let's talk about physiology.

Premise: I'm not a vet. I'm not a doctor yet. So, more expert tumblr users, correct me if I say something wrong.

So, as I said. To fly you need big muscles on the thorax, shoulders and chest area. And not any muscles.

You infact need a lot of red muscle, so a lot of mytocondria, so a lot of energy.

As my beloved Barbascura said (an Italian youtuber, he is an organic chemist, I love him) bats...are complicated.

They live a lot considering their stature. Because in general there's this rule *the smaller you are the shorter you live* in biology. They are a very valid exception to this rule. So are we, but we worked on it a lot. Healtier life style. Hygene. More food. Science. Medicine. You know.

Now, the longer you live the higher chances to develope cancer you get. The more your cells (and so mytocondria) work the higher chances to develope cancer you get.

So, why are bats one of the most efficient specie in being able to avoid cancer? Why don't they fall ill that easily? Why a mammal, who techincally has not the physiology to fly, has this ability? They need energy, their bodies are, in theory, super stressed. So why aren't they constantly set on fire? How the heck do they live this much?

So, when a body goes through inflammation it produces ROS (Reactive Oxygen Species). So, radicals. Highly reactive molecules who have the tendency to basically trigger any chemical reaction possible. They can be useful to defeat a pathogen, but only in a very low quantity. If you produce too many ROS you can end up having them attack your proteins, the membrane of your cells, or...even DNA.

Yes. I guess you now understood what I'm going to talk about.

So. Hordak's sickness has been long analyzed by fans. People who know way more than me and are able to write better. So go check on them, not me.

So far, the most recurring ideas have been that he suffers from some kind of auto-immune disease (vitiligo), in a way similar to psoriasis and he has a rare muscular atrophy. I still lack a lot of knowledge and experience in the field (in my country medicine is a 6 years long nightmare, I'm just a second year and we start at best at 19) but the aetiopathogenesis of these condition is pretty much unknown. Best hypothesis: a) auto-immune b) genetic malfunction and/or predisposition c) both. And other hypothesis have been made of course.

So, what has that to do with ROS?

Simple: as I said an extra level of these molecules can even cause damage to DNA, even to the immune system. Am I trying to find out the cause of the unknown and alien disease of a cyborg fictional spacebat? "Adora: no! ...Maybe!"

I'm just giving ideas.

Anyways, we were saying that bats need a lot of energy. Energy=ROS. ROS=problems.

Plot twist: those thingies are filled with ROS. No, they rarely have cancer, they rarely have problems in general. No fever, no flu. Or at least is very rare (vet colluegues I call upon thy).

So? Well, they found out a very complicated reparation self mechanism in bats, way more complicated that the one you can find in ordinary mammals. Basically it's not like their DNA doesn't get damaged; it does but it gets fixed immediately.

This of course in functional individuals, which Hordak sadly is not.

Humanoid bats/spacebats don't fly anymore, but maybe their methabolism didn't change much. Another specie with a great tollerance to ROS is the furless mole, who by the way (again) doesn't develope cancer, lives a loooot given its size, and plus can live without oxigen for hours.

Now, the point of all this mess is: could it be that, in general, spacebats don't go through oxidative stress despite the high production of ROS. Maybe despite evolving and not needing to fly anymore they have however still used this high radical tollerance to live more and without cancer. And so on.

But maybe Hordak lacks this mechanism and that is why his DNA got damaged, you know, the defect in his cloning. And that's why my baby is suffering.

This mechanism also allows bats to be more immune to viruses (yes, covid, no baby bats it's not your fault we stupid humans eat you). So maybe Hordak is truly more susceptible to viruses in general.

Idk, let me know.

#hordak #spacebats #horde prime #spop #bats

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spockandawe · 3 years

Text

Oh, would you look at that, is it fish book pitch o’clock again? IT SURE IS!!

So, here’s my angle du jour. I’m a sucker for a feral and/or unsocialized fictional character, especially if the story puts them in a position where they either need or want to catch up to their peers on the social front. I didn’t really click with Jin Zixuan until I saw a post breaking down how his awkwardness made a lot of sense in terms of growing up isolated and undersocialized, and I really love takes on young Lan Wangji that really lean into him not knowing how to play with the other children. It’s more fanon than canon, given screentime, but I love takes on Mobei-jun that do the same thing. And! Outside of the cnovel world altogether, it’s part of why i would Die for both Gideon Nav and Harrowhark Nonagesimus. It’s so tasty!

And Jing-wang is a version of this that I don’t think I’ve seen before. I’ve had this bouncing around in my head for a while, but I can’t quite come up with any parallels. Jing-wang grew up isolated in one way because he was an imperial prince, with a dead mother and no surviving siblings. The boy doesn’t have many peers, and things are... messy with his half-brothers. But since he’s mute, he’s (theoretically) not in the running for the throne, and he’s not involved in as much political wheeling and dealing as the other princes. And also since he’s mute, communication with other people is a bit of an ordeal, and only a few people who are very close to him are good at interpreting him, outside of him writing things down. I get the idea that he does very well for himself at understanding and steering the political playing field, even if he’s not mixed up deeply in things himself, but he’s.... very not good when it comes to connecting with anyone on any kind of personal level.

But what delights me the most is that this mainly gets expressed through him being 1) a very devoted and well-meaning pet owner, 2) who is very BAD at being a pet owner.

It gets expressed in little funny ways that go by quickly, like in a stressful meeting, where Jing-wang is squeezing Li Yu’s back in a self-soothing way, and Li Yu is like ‘ow, OW, TOO HARD’ and swims away, and Jing-wang is like >:( for two seconds before Li Yu comes back and starts swimming through his fingers again, and Jing-wang realizes he was squeezing too hard. Or later on, after Li Yu’s been living in a huge tank, Jing-wang is like ‘okay, you live in this bottle now, so i can bring you Everywhere with me’ and Li Yu has to fake being unwell so that Jing-wang realizes that the bottle is way too small to be a permanent fish residence. Very quick little empathy things, where Jing-wang gets the intended message pretty darn quickly, but he still had to be taught the lesson in the first place.

But there’s also like... also early on, Li Yu gets a side quest to steal a pearl from the headdress of the Emperor’s favorite concubine. In the process of doing so, he soaks Jing-wang in front of the Emperor, accidentally slaps the concubine in the face, freaks her out, freaks her son out, accidentally frames the two of them for trying to hurt Jing-wang’s pet fish, and knocks the pearl loose... but sends it to the floor. Fortunately, Jing-wang notices that the fish seems REAL interested in this pearl, and retrieves it, but he’s also pissed at the fish for causing so much trouble.

So what does he do? He’s like ‘OKAY. FINE. You want this pearl? Well what I’m going to do is seal this pearl TIGHT inside a glass vial, and then I’m going to put that vial RIGHT in your tank, so you can see the pearl, but you can NEVER HAVE IT’, you know, like a normal human way to treat your pet fish. Only then, Li Yu had already felt bad about causing such a big scene, and sets up a whole apology where he offers Jing-wang his food (because it’s the only thing he has) and tries bowing in apology, and Jing-wang thinks something like ‘...as long as someone was willing to deal with him sincerely, even if they were a fish, he would treat them sincerely in return’ and he gives Li Yu the pearl.

First of all, I never knew I so desperately needed a book where a man tries to play psychological games with his pet fish, second of all, Li Yu is the sketchiest “““fish””” of all time, and third, oh my god Jing-wang how sheltered are you, how do you not realize that this is nowhere in the vicinity of being normal fish behavior??

(to be fair to him, it doesn’t take him that long to realize things are suspicious, and by the thirty-somethingth chapter he has a decent hypothesis for what the fock is going on with his pet fish)

And later in the book, after he knows that this fish is at least sometimes human-shaped, I’d already been pleasantly taken by surprise (in the mtl chapters) to realize that the relationship development involved Li Yu laying down boundaries and holding Jing-wang accountable when he tried getting around them. And like with the squeezing plot point, Jing-wang is very quick to get the message that something he did made this fish/person unhappy, to realize that he doesn’t want them to be unhappy, and to make a very serious effort to change his behavior so he doesn’t make that mistake again. I just hadn’t quite connected the dots to realizing that Li Yu was coaching him through a number of basic emotional development steps even before things reached the point of sex and consent, haha

(in fairness to me, I think Li Yu is extremely oblivious to all of this. which is one of my favorite flavors of character development in fiction, honestly? i love seeing this growth that’s driven by another person, but unintentionally so, so that two people end up drifting closer and closer, and becoming more and more important to each other, without that ever being something they deliberately work towards)

And I think that the idea that Li Yu is coaching Jing-wang through the steps of emotional growth is honestly supported by the other characters in the novel. In the “original” book, Jing-wang falls in love with and marries Chu Yanyu, who very definitely is not in love with him, and is happy to let Jing-wang get hurt and suffer on his behalf, through what sounds like a very unhappy, toxic relationship. In the book we get, all it takes is a little affection and attention from a pet fish, for Jing-wang to totally ignore what should have been Chu Yanyu’s entry into his life, and for him to continue ignoring Chu Yanyu no matter how many times he’s thrown/throws himself into Jing-wang’s path.

Jing-wang does have some people who care about him, but those relationships are... either unequal, or not-mutual, or made difficult in other ways. The Emperor cares about him, but has complicated feelings, since the Empress died shortly after Jing-wang’s birth, where she was already in poor health after losing two other sons, and it seemed like her health got worse after Jing-wang was born mute. The Emperor also tries not to pay him too much attention, because he’s ineligible to inherit the throne anyways, and paying him attention would make him more of a political target. Jing-wang’s main servant, Wang Xi, cares about him deeply, and is the most reliable interpreter for his nonverbal communication, but is also a servant, not a peer. And Jing-wang’s cousin (on his mother’s side) likes him a lot, but their temperaments are highly incompatible, and Jing-wang tends to get annoyed and throw him out when he comes to visit. (the rest of his mother’s family cares about him too, but Jing-wang isn’t a social beast, and doesn’t make himself terribly accessible either)

And like, early, early in the book, at that stressful meeting where Jing-wang squeezes the fish too hard, before things get stressful, the Emperor is completely derailed from the initial purpose of the meeting, because he’s so pleased that Jing-wang has something he cares about, even if it’s just a little pet fish. He continues to be increasingly pleased with this fish as the book goes on, and it’s both hella charming, but also very :( for what it says about how detached Jing-wang was from the world for the last twenty years of his life. And as of chapter 27, Li Yu is trying to meddle with the book plot to save Jing-wang’s cousin from a scheme that will ultimately see him dead, and Jing-wang just agreed to go with his cousin to the imperial palace, to keep an eye on him. And Wang Xi is so moved by this outreach from Jing-wang that he legit tears up.

Jing-wang is so isolated! Jing-wang is able to play politics, but he does not know how to deal with other people on a friendly social level, and Li Yu is accidentally helping him catch up! I was invested purely on the basis of ‘oh my godddd, jing-wang loves his fish so much,’ which he absolutely does, taking care of his fish is basically his number one priority, but that’s not nearly all there is to this situation! I’m so excited to read the chapters covering the initial relationship development as translated by a human, rather than a machine, because I just know there’s tasty, tasty emotional content in there.

I could have been totally happy with a book where Jing-wang remained cold and detached with one (1) exception, and that’s a relationship paradigm I totally enjoy reading, but seeing Li Yu accidentally teach him to open up and form attachments to other people too is so rewarding and I love it! I know later on, his cousin is falling in love at the same time he is, he has more dealings with his father, and his mother’s family enters the scene here and there, and I badly need to read it. This is just the best comfort food I could have asked for right now. It’s a lovely balance of cute, moving, and absolutely ridiculous, and has character development more gripping than I could have ever expected. I love it so much, you guys ;u;

#the disabled tyrant's pet palm fish #long post/#cnovel rec

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alexmitas · 3 years

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Abandon Ideology

In Jordan Peterson’s second foray into self-help, he writes his VI’th rule for life: ‘Abandon Ideology.’ As an ardent follower of Jordan’s, on first reading of this, I took this rules’s implications at face value; that is, the implication that an ideology is something that is held by a group of people, but that the individual, striving for what is true and pure, should rid themselves of all ideology, in the interest of progressing new and helpful ideas to the culture at large. Recently, particularly after having watched this YouTube video by Philosophy Tube, a question which I wrestled with subtly after reading Jordan’s recent work has made its way to the forefront of my mind: Are we so sure that it is even possible to abandon ideology? and I don’t mean once you already ‘have one’, so to speak (though this is a valid question also, albeit requiring a few more prior assumptions), but rather, is it even possible for an individual to not have an ideology? (Paraphrased,) Philosophy Tube makes this point explicitly, comparing ideology to a**holes: everyone has them, they use them everyday, but nobody tends to take a good look at their own unless something has gone wrong. So who is right?

Interestingly, both philosophers consider ideology to be something that actually exists - which, to me, is by no means a foregone conclusion. Jordan assumes that it is a sort of group-think parasite that infests the mind, while Philosophy Tube believes that ideology is an inevitable function within the individual. Anecdotally, I’ve noticed that the latter tends to be a more common belief among those with left political leaning, while Jordan’s point tends to be expressed by individuals who are more popular with those with right political leaning*. As we know that political leaning seems to be a result of a temperamental difference between individuals, it could be that this is just another form of what one could theorize as the fundamental question between the extremes of such differentiations, which is the question of whether the individual is fundamentally formed through nature or nurture. I have personally arrived at the conclusion, as have others, that the answer to this question is clearly both; however, the question of whether or not ideology is fundamentally group-oriented or individual-orientated doesn’t quite fit neatly into the dimensions of this theory. This is because, in no small part, that the roles of thought in regards to ideology in this case are antithetical to the typical hypothesis presented by the theory: in this case, the left leaning individuals are the one’s more likely to believe that ideology is an innate characteristic (nature), where as the right leaning individuals are more likely to believe that ideology is a product of culture (nurture). While it may not be a perfect comparison, this is the reverse of what an individual who agrees with this line of logic would likely guess. Is there a reason for this?

Perhaps it is the more fundamental tenant of conservatism, which tends to prize its own culture’s tradition, that demands from its right-wing thinker a bias in believing that their own way of interpreting the world is the ‘correct’ way to do so, based on the interpretation of the facts of ‘objective reality,’ which is free of ideology, because that is the way it is has always been; or perhaps it is liberalism’s inclination towards progression - its greatest strength and weakness simultaneously - that forces it to be open to all possibilities, and therefore implying that there is no single way of being, there is no objective reality, because reality could be anything based on the individual’s own subjective experience, based on their own ideology, which must therefore be present in all of us; or, perhaps, (and this is in no way to imply a comprehensively exclusive list) there is the consideration which I mentioned above, which questions the existence of ideology as an objective truth altogether.

[Aside: for sh*ts and giggles, let’s explore this last idea. So ‘ideology’, stems from the french word idéologie, where idéo- or ideo- is “idea”, and -logie or -logy is “the (scientific) study of the subject field represented by the stem.” (From Merriam-Webster.com). Also from Merriam-Webster: “Though ideology originated as a serious philosophical term, within a few decades it took on connotations of impracticality thanks to Napoleon, who used it in a derisive manner. Today, the word most often refers to ‘a systematic body of concepts,’especially those of a particular group or political party.” So according to this definition, ideology is more of a strictly philosophical or scientific term referring to the study of ideas. Well, everyone has ideas. But somehow this definition doesn’t quite seem to fit the bill. It seems as though both sides of the political spectrum seem to regard ideology as something deeper than the this definition gives it credit. It seems as though according to the political (to use a loose term to define the parameters of this debate) debate, believes that ideology is either a type of group-oriented idea that can inhabit a large swath of people, or it is the fundamental subjective framework that the individual uses to interpret the world. Of course, I doubt many serious thinkers on the right would deny that everyone needs a framework for which to use to interpret the world (Jordan Peterson certainly doesn’t). Instead, they would argue that framework is not the same as ideology, but simply a tenant of being human, as a combination of both an individual’s objective and subjective experience (and of course one could argue about whether objective experience actually exists also, but that’ll have to be another topic for another day; today we will assume that both objective and subjective experiences are real). But this also begs the question, why is it that some people can have an ideology while others can be free from it? This brings the argument illustrated nicely by Gad Saad into play; namely, that ideology is the equivalent of an idea pathogen, echoed by the complimentary position presented by Jordan’s work which contends with the idea that although not everyone need be infected by an idea parasite, everyone must have a narrative framework to operate in the world. This in and of itself, of course, asks us to contend with the question of whether or not there is even a difference between this “narrative framework” and ideology, to which we may get different answers based on the political leaning of the person whom we ask. As my inherent bias seems to lean to the right in most cases, my intuition tells me that there is a difference, that narrative framework is superordinate to ideology, but again, its difficult to assess whether or not that is my tendency towards conservatism and its respect of (let’s say the west’s) cultural background getting in the way of objectivity, sustaining that objectivity is real in the first place. But to play devil’s advocate to the side opposite to my intuition in a different way, I would say that it’s possible that the real problem is that we do not have our definitions straight: what is ideology to one may be narrative framework to another; and in this sense, I might also add that it is entirely possible that ideology itself does not exist past what may also be considered a narrative framework, since what one would call an ideology another may say they are only acting in according to their own narrative framework (or, “yes, I do have an ideology, but - of course - so do you). The obvious argument to refute this would likely refer to the nature in which an individual with an accused ideology would hold beliefs which mirror that of another individual with the same ideology, therefore rendering the ideas non-unique. And this is indeed a powerful argument. It’s also an argument which, hitherto, I never second guessed. But thinking now, of course it isn’t the case that two individuals narrative frameworks cannot be influenced by similar subjective experiences. This gets more complicated when you compound uncountable numbers of people who have “the same ideology,” and therefore expressing similar subjective experiences that derived their narrative frameworks; after all, could that many people really have had such identical experiences that they are brought to such similar beliefs independent from and “idea parasite” or ideology? Maybe not, but also, maybe the subjective experiences and narrative framework (or ideology), of the accuser has led them to a sort of confirmation bias, where one signal of similarity leads them to the expectation of uniformity; where the sight of a leaf of a certain type or color leads to certainty that that leaf must belong to a specific breed of tree, rather than perhaps a tree of only similar lineage. In this regard, with special consideration given to the possibility of miscommunication of words and their definitions, it is possible that the deeper form of “ideology” within the context of our current culture, does not even exist. It’s certainly a possibility which I will be keeping my eyes and ears on, anyways. End Aside.]

A conclusion about who is right certainly won’t be reached in a blog post by me today. What I can conclude from this thought experiment, however, is yet another example of why your intuition - based from your temperament and experience - can lead you astray when considering complex questions. Or even seemingly non-complex issues, for that matter. The perspective that Jordan Peterson provides may very well be the correct one. But the perspective that Philosophy Tube highlights as well feels as though it could be superior. Then there is the possibility that they are both wrong - or both right (it is such a strange world we live in, after all, where paradoxes are known to exist). One thing is for certain: both of these people are much smarter than I, so, as per usual, there is much left to consider and ponder. And to gather erratically.

One day I will start to write blog posts that focus more on my reader than my inner ramblings. But for now, I still need to sort myself out, and I hear writing can be incredibly useful for that. This is ErraticWoolGathering, after all.

Best,

- Alex

*An example of this that I can bring to mind is exemplified by Gad Saad, author of The Parasitic Mind, who similarly claims - as I understand it - that ideology is a matter of group-think, or in his words, that an ideology is no different than a type of “idea pathogen.” Now, whether Gad claims to be of right political leaning or not (as far as I know, he does not), his book and his ideas clearly seem to be more popular with the the right-wing of our culture than they are with our left-wing.

#philosophy #JordanPeterson #Philosophy Tube #writing #ErraticWoolGathering

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popolitiko · 3 years

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If Humble People Make the Best Leaders, Why Do We Fall for Charismatic Narcissists? People are drawn to those who look and act the romanticized role of the leader. But charismatic leadership can have a dark side. Harvard Business Review Margarita Mayo

The research is clear: when we choose humble, unassuming people as our leaders, the world around us becomes a better place.

Humble leaders improve the performance of a company in the long run because they create more collaborative environments. They have a balanced view of themselves – both their virtues and shortcomings – and a strong appreciation of others’ strengths and contributions, while being open to new ideas and feedback. These “unsung heroes” help their believers to build their self-esteem, go beyond their expectations, and create a community that channels individual efforts into an organized group that works for the good of the collective.

For example, one study examined 105 small-to-medium-sized companies in the computer software and hardware industry in the United Studies. The findings revealed that when a humble CEO is at the helm of a firm, its top management team is more likely to collaborate and share information, making the most of the firm’s talent.

Another study showed that a leader’s humility can be contagious: when leaders behave humbly, followers emulate their modest attitude and behavior. A study of 161 teams found that employees following humble leaders were themselves more likely to admit their mistakes and limitations, share the spotlight by deflecting praise to others, and be open to new ideas, advice, and feedback.

Yet instead of following the lead of these unsung heroes, we appear hardwired to search for superheroes: over-glorifying leaders who exude charisma.

The Greek word Kharisma means “divine gift,” and charisma is the quality of extraordinary charm, magnetism, and presence that makes a person capable of inspiring others with enthusiasm and devotion. German sociologist Max Weber defined charisma as “of divine origin or as exemplary, and on the basis of it, the individual concerned is treated as a leader.” Research evidence on charismatic leadership reveals that charismatic people are more likely to become endorsed as leaders because of their high energy, unconventional behavior, and heroic deeds.

While charisma is conductive to orchestrating positive large-scale transformations, there can be a “dark side” to charismatic leadership. Jay Conger and Rabindra Kanungo describe it this way in their seminal book: “Charismatic leaders can be prone to extreme narcissism that leads them to promote highly self-serving and grandiose aims.” A clinical study illustrates that when charisma overlaps with narcissism, leaders tend to abuse their power and take advantage of their followers. Another study indicates that narcissistic leaders tend to present a bold vision of the future, and this makes them more charismatic in the eyes of others.

Why are such leaders more likely to rise to the top? One study suggests that despite being perceived as arrogant, narcissistic individuals radiate “an image of a prototypically effective leader.” Narcissistic leaders know how to draw attention toward themselves. They enjoy the visibility. It takes time for people to see that these early signals of competence are not later realized, and that a leader’s narcissism reduces the exchange of information among team members and often negatively affects group performance.

It’s not that charismatic and narcissistic people can’t ever make good leaders. In some circumstances, they can. For example, one study found that narcissistic CEOs “favor bold actions that attract attention, resulting in big wins or big losses.” A narcissistic leader thus can represent a high-risk, high-reward proposition.

And it’s not that humble leaders can’t ever be charismatic. Researchers agree that we could classify charismatic leaders as “negative” or “positive” by their orientation toward pursuing their self-interested goals versus those of their groups. These two sides of charismatic leadership have also been called personalized and socialized charisma. Although the socialized charismatic leader has the aura of a hero, it is counteracted with low authoritarianism and a genuine interest in the collective welfare. In contrast, the personalized charismatic leader’s perceived heroism is coupled with high authoritarianism and high narcissism. It is when followers are confused and disoriented that they are more likely to form personalized relationships with a charismatic leader. Socialized relationships, on the other hand, are established by followers with a clear set of values who view the charismatic leader as a means to achieve collective action.

The problem is that we select negative charismatic leaders much more frequently than in the limited situations where the risk they represent might pay off. Despite their grandiose view of themselves, low empathy, dominant orientation toward others, and strong sense of entitlement, their charisma proves irresistible. Followers of superheroes are enthralled by their showmanship: through their sheer magnetism, narcissistic leaders transform their environments into a competitive game in which their followers also become more self-centered, giving rise to organizational narcissism, as one study shows.

If humble leaders are more effective than narcissistic leaders, why do we so often choose narcissistic individuals to lead us?

The “romance of leadership” hypothesis suggests that we generally have a biased tendency to understand social events in terms of leadership and people tend to romanticize the figure of the leader.

My own research shows that our psychological states can also bias our perceptions of charismatic leaders. High levels of anxiety make us hungry for charisma. As a result, crises increase not only the search for charismatic leaders, but also our tendency to perceive charisma in the leaders we already follow.

Economic and social crises thus become a unique testing ground for charismatic leaders. They create conditions of distress and uncertainty that appear to be ideal for the ascent of charismatic figures. Yet at the same time, they also make us more vulnerable to choosing the wrong leader. Crises and other emotionally laden events increase our propensity to romanticize the grandiose view of narcissistic leaders. The paradox is that we may then choose to support the very leaders who are less likely to bring us success. In a time of crisis, it’s easy to be seduced by superheroes who could come and “rescue” us, but who possibly then plunge us into greater peril.

While this may sound hopeless, there is another way of looking at it. Essentially, we have the leaders we deserve. As we collectively select and construct our leaders to satisfy our own needs and desires, we can choose humility or socialized charisma over narcissism.

Margarita Mayo (margaritamayo.com) is Professor of Leadership and Organizational Behavior at IE Business School in Madrid. She was recently featured on the Thinkers50 Radar as one of 30 thought leaders to watch in 2017. Her new book, Yours Truly: How to Stay True to Your Authentic Self in Leadership and Life will be published by Bloomsbury in 2018

This post originally appeared on Harvard Business Review and was published April 7, 2017.

More from Harvard Business Review

Why People Are Drawn to Narcissists Like Donald Trump

How to Spot an Incompetent Leade

How to Manage a Narcissist

#Best Leaders #Humble People #Charismatic Narcissists

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a-queer-seminarian · 4 years

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Working through antisemitism in Holy Week, post 2

cw: violent antisemitism in history

The article below is the most helpful I’ve found so far in my search for information on how to confront the antisemitism of Holy Week. It’s by Amy-Jill Levine, who is Jewish herself and is the Professor of New Testament Studies and Judaism Studies at Vanderbilt University Divinity School.

The article’s simple list of “options” we have for how we approach all the anti-Jewish sentiment that permeates the New Testament is much appreciated, because I’ve felt directionless! I’ve felt like there are “no options,” that this whole thing is too overwhelming, too complex for anyone to get a handle on -- now there are options, and some of them are actually good options!

I’m pasting most of the article below -- “Holy Week and the Hatred of the Jews: Avoiding Anti-Judaism at Easter”

_______

‘ Jesus of Nazareth, charged by the Roman authorities with sedition, dies on a Roman cross. But Jews - the collective, all Jews - become known as “Christ-killers."

Still haunting, the legacy of that charge becomes acute during Holy Week, when pastors and priests who speak about the death of Jesus have to talk about "the Jews."

Every year, the same difficulty surfaces: how can a gospel of love be proclaimed, if that same gospel is heard to promote hatred of Jesus's own people?

The charge against "the Jews" permeates the pages of the New Testament.

In the Gospel of Matthew, Pilate literally washes his hands while "all the people" - all the Jewish people - clamour for Jesus's death: "Let him be crucified ... His blood be on us and on our children!" (Matthew 27:23, 27).

John's Gospel identifies the Jews as "from your father the devil" (John 8:44) and blames them for backing Pilate into a corner and forcing him to kill an innocent man.

In the Acts of the Apostles, Peter charges "the entire house of Israel" (Acts 2:36) with crucifying Jesus and so having "killed the Author of life" (Acts 3:14-15). Paul then bluntly refers to "the Jews, who killed the Lord Jesus" (1 Thessalonians 2:14-15).

Perhaps this vilification was inevitable. Jesus's followers could not understand how the vast majority of Jews could not accept their belief in him as the Messiah.

The majority of Jews, in turn, saw no sign of the Messianic age having dawned: no general resurrection of the dead; no ingathering of the exiles to Zion; no end to death, war, disease, or poverty. What was self-evident to one group was incomprehensible to other. Incomprehension turned to mistrust, and mistrust, on both sides, turned to vilification.

Today, interfaith conversation, in which Jews and Christians learn to appreciate their common roots and better understand the reasons for the gradual and often painful separation, can reverse the process. Official (and unofficial) church statements facilitate healing as well: Nostra Aetate , the 1965 declaration of Vatican II, proclaimed that all Jews at all times should not be held responsible for Jesus's death, and Pope Benedict XVI, in the second volume of his Jesus of Nazareth , strongly reiterated the point. Christians from many (but not all) other branches of the tradition, generally agree.

But we still have to deal with our pasts, and with our Scriptures. Every time the Passion narratives are read, the threat of anti-Judaism reappears.

There is no catch-all for resolving the problems in the New Testament - or in Tanakh/the Old Testament, for that matter; we all have difficult texts in our canons. But there are strategies. Here are six, in order of usefulness.

Excision The first option is excision: take a pair of scissors to the offending passages - or, in today's parlance, hit the delete key. Howard Thurman recounts hearing from his grandmother how the plantation minister always preached, "Slaves, be obedient to your masters ..." and how she determined that if she ever learned to read, she would never read that part of the Bible. The story has morphed into the common sermon illustration that Thurman's grandmother, once both freed and literate, took a scissors to the text. Had I suffered what Thurman's grandmother suffered, I may well have taken the same approach. However, the destruction of a text considered sacred seems to me extreme. To erase offending texts is to erase memories of both the victims of those texts and those who struggled against them. Moreover, if we each design our own canons, we eliminate community. A variant on the excision approach is to claim that Paul or Jesus never made the problematic comment and therefore, we can ignore them. For example, scholars commonly argue that Paul did not write 1 Thessalonians 2:14b-16 - it is inconsistent with his positive comments about Jews (such as, "They are Israelites, and to them belong the adoption, the glory, the covenants, the giving of the law, the worship, and the promises ... as regards election they are beloved ... for the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable" [Romans 9:4-5; 11:28b-29]). The offensive passage can also be removed from the letter without harming the rhetorical flow. Similarly, many scholars argue that Jesus's invectives in the Gospels stem not from the man from Nazareth, but from the later church in competition with local synagogues. Comforting as such arguments may be, they are based on hypothesis, not fact. Paul may well have changed his mind; Jesus would not be the first Jew critical of fellow Jews. Moreover, Christian proclamation is not based on some scholarly construct of an original text or a "historical Jesus" apart from the Gospels. It is based in the words of the Bible as interpreted by the faithful community. Therefore, Christians must deal with those words.

Retranslate The second option is to retranslate - or, bowdlerize. For example, some "progressive" translations read John's Gospel as condemning not "Jews" but "Judeans" or "Jewish leaders" or "religious leaders" or simply "leaders." Such translations are well-meaning, and at least "Judean" is legitimate translation of the Greek term Ioudaioi. But to replace the New Testament's "Jews" by other terms is to have a judenrein text, a text "purified" of Jews. Such bowdlerizing obscures part of the reason why Jews have been persecuted over 2,000 years, divorces Jews not only from Jesus and his earliest followers, and even serves to de-legitimate the relationship of Jews today from the land of Israel. Hence, politically correct translations are not necessarily biblically faithful ones.

Romanticize The theological answer to the question ‘Who killed Jesus?’ is not ‘the Jews’ but humanity. This is an excellent place to begin. The problem, however, is that those who see themselves as ‘Jews’ on Good Friday then see themselves as redeemed "Christians" on Sunday morning. The Jews, by not accepting Jesus as Lord and Saviour, remain in their guilt. The same romantic approach today is best exemplified in the celebration of the Passover seder in churches, usually on Holy Thursday. ...Baptizing Jewish symbols in Christian terms is not a strong move in interfaith sensitivity. Nor do Christian seders remove the problem. To the contrary, the performance serves to absolve the congregation: how could they be anti-Jewish if they are doing something so Jewish as having a Passover seder?

Allegorize The fourth option is to allegorize: to say that the text really doesn't mean what it says. For example, we take Matthew's blood-cry (27:15) not as a self-curse, but as a plea for redemption: the people are ironically asking to be redeemed by Jesus's blood. While this approach redeems the verse theologically, it also suggests that the Jewish crowd wanted and needed this redemption, so that Judaism apart from the Christian message is ineffective. The move turns Jews into crypto-Christians.

Historicize The fifth approach, the darling of the academy, provides historical rationale and often justification, for the problematic statements. For example, we claim that Matthew is a Jew writing for a Jewish community; therefore his words cannot be anti-Jewish - as if Jews cannot be anti-Jewish, which is a silly idea. Also complicating this view: we know neither who wrote the Gospels, which were originally transmitted anonymously, nor the community to which they are addressed. It is a dirty little secret in biblical studies: we determine, based on the contents of the Gospels, both author and audience. Then we interpret the text on the basis of our reconstruction. This is a circular argument. Similarly, we note the historical unlikelihood of "all the people" saying, "his blood be on us and on our children" - that all of us Jews would say the same thing, ever, is a tad unlikely. Then, we see how Matthew understands the destruction of Jerusalem, witnessed by the "children," to be punishment for the Jews' refusal to acknowledge Jesus as Lord. Therefore, so the argument goes, since the people never said the line, we can ignore it. But the line remains in the text; ignoring it is not an option. Another variation on the historicizing approach is to claim that the anti-Jewish language is reactionary: invective would be quite natural from the pen of those excommunicated from the synagogue. The problem here is, first, that we have no evidence, other than John's attestation (John 9:22; 12:42; 16:2) of synagogues tossing people out. If some synagogues did expel Jesus's followers, we should ask why. Because they wanted to replace Torah with Jesus? Because they were seen as compromising monotheism? Because they told synagogue members that unless they worshiped Jesus they would go to hell? Because they put the community in danger, given Roman distrust of the new messianic movement? Because they cherished their own traditions, which they found completely fulfilling? Any of these would be quite good reasons, and would likely result in censoring in my synagogue today. Finally, if we define this polemic as reactionary, again we blame the Jews for the problem. Finding history behind the text can help. But we cannot be secure with the history we posit, and when all the historical work is said and done, we still have to address what the New Testament actually says.

Admit the problem We come finally to our sixth option: admit to the problem and deal with it. There are many ways congregations can address the difficult texts. Put a note in service bulletins to explain the harm the texts have caused. Read the problematic texts silently, or in a whisper. Have Jews today give testimony about how they have been hurt by the texts. Those who proclaim the problematic verses from the pulpit might imagine a Jewish child sitting in the front pew and take heed: don't say anything that would hurt this child, and don't say anything that would cause a member of the congregation to hurt this child. Better still: educate the next generation, so that when they hear the problematic words proclaimed, they have multiple contexts - theological, historical, ethical - by which to understand them. Christians, hearing the Gospels during Holy Week, should no more hear a message of hatred of Jews than Jews, reading the Book of Esther on Purim, should hate Persians, or celebrating the seder and reliving the time when "we were slaves in Egypt," should hate Egyptians. We choose how to read. After two thousand years of enmity, Jews and Christians today can recover and even celebrate our common past, locate Jesus and his earliest followers within rather than over and against Judaism, and live into the time when, as both synagogue and church proclaim, we can love G-d and our neighbour.’

#readings #antisemitism #issues in christianity #holy week #amy jill levine #article

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sebthesnipe · 4 years

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Seeds

First // Previously // Next

My Dearest Procyon

Masterpost

MDP Discord Server

Chapter 26

Original story based on this wonderful post by @underdog-arts

“Okay,” Logan agreed after a moment.

Patton would have never guessed that a single word could cause so much confusion as his head began to spin.

Logan wasn’t asking him about Roman’s true nature?

He wasn’t firing off another question?

What was going on?!

“What?” the dragon breathed in disbelief.

“Okay,” Logan repeated simply.

“I don’t understand,” Patton added, stumbling a bit as he tipped on an upturned root.

“Okay. A word used to describe assent, agreement, or acceptance,” Logan clarified, pausing to lift a low hanging branch out of the smaller man’s way before ducking under it as well.

“I know what it means, Logan. I just don’t understand why you said it,” Patton huffed in frustration.

“Well, I certainly do not know how much of what you told me is truthful or how much is not,” Logan began, causing Patton’s chest to restrict painfully. He deserved the shot, but it didn’t make it hurt any less. “I can surmise, however, that Noname needs Roman for something. My guess is something to make him more powerful. Which means that whatever Roman is, he has power that Noname wants.”

“But that doesn’t explain why you’re suddenly dropping the subject,” Patton pointed out.

“When I first met Roman,” Logan continued, “I read his mind. His memories were choppy and distressed, so I didn’t stay long. Despite my time in his head being brief, I do know this for certain: Roman truly believes he is a prince and that his family has been slaughtered. The concerning part of this is that I know of his family. Virgil does as well, judging from the lecture he gave Roman about the slaughtering of witches. Which, if they were fabricated, is impossible.”

Patton nodded as he followed the witches reasoning, entranced by the way Logan spoke. The witch loved educating others on the inner workings of his mind and the passion usually showed. His eyes brightened and his face flushed just slightly as he became more animated.

“However,” Logan moved on, “when I try to remember their names or conjure an image of their faces, I am met with nothing. My mind goes blank. My head begins to ache. Not only are Roman’s memories a fabrication, but so is my own knowledge of his family as well.” The witch paused studying the ground a bit before nodding. “We should rest here for a bit. We won’t be of any use if we show up to save Roman exhausted.”

“Oh, right,” Patton agreed, moving to slide the pack carefully off his shoulders and set it down. He wasn’t tired in the least, but he didn’t point it out. Logan tended to use others in the party as an excuse to rest himself. Logan’s wounds no doubt pained him more when they were on the move than when resting.

The dragon lifted the flap of his pack to make sure Virgil was still slumbering soundly before sinking down next to it. His gaze shifted to the taller man who followed suit, dropping down across from the dragon and digging in the pouch at his hip. A moment later, he was offering out a bit of rations before taking some himself.

“It would take a lot of power to change everyone’s memory,” the dragon pointed out as he accepted the food with a mumble of thanks.

“Indeed.” Logan chewed slowly as he considered it all. “It would take much more to reconstruct someone’s very identity. Especially, if that someone was unwilling,”

“And you believe that is what happened to Roman; why he thinks he is a prince?” Patton clarified, making sure he didn’t give away more than he already had.

“Even with a willing subject, the power needed to erase memories and reimplant them is immense. This is not including the amount it would take to introduce the knowledge of his lineage to everyone in the surrounding areas,” Logan added. “However, the process is surprisingly simple. The mind is a living, growing thing. It is like a plant.”

Logan shifted, so that he could dig a small hole in the ground between them. He shifted through the small mix in his hand until he found an almost perfectly shaped oat and dropped it into the bed of soil. He pulled his hands back, covering the small ‘seed’ with more earth.

Patton watched intently, curious as to what Logan was doing.

“Left alone the mind will sprout,” the witch twisted his fingers as the air between the two men seemed to spark. He drew his hand up slowly, a thin line of green illumination sprouting where the ‘seed’ had been planted. He pulled the plant upwards as if drawing taunt on a string, “It will expand to soak up whatever information is offered throughout a lifetime.”

Patton gave a small gasp at the sight of the tiny little sapling. It was so cute!

Logan flicked his wrist outward sending countless branches of soft green light around them. Its tendrils circled the dragon and the tree behind him as the lights continued to expand out into the world.

The gentle glow painted both Patton’s and Logan’s faces with an unearthly shade that reminded Patton of the way moonlight sometimes reflected off a pool of water. It made Logan’s stern features appear sculpted out of copper, turned green with patina. The image was certainly one Patton was not willing to forget anytime soon.

“All you need to do to change someone’s perspective is to plant a seed close enough,” the witch moved to dig a hole next to the sprout and buried another ration. He twirled his fingers just as before. The light that sprouted gave off a small blue glow, contrasting beautifully with the green. “If the seed sprouts too close to the mind,” Logan flicked his wrist, the blue light flaring to tangle with each glowing green branch, their colors merging into cyan. “It will invade whatever was there before, becoming so entangled with the original sprouts that they become one.”

“Logan, it's beautiful!” Patton whispered in awe, eyes taking in the sight of the veins twisting around them.

“Yes. Yes, it is,” Logan agreed. “It takes a steady hand to manage something so delicate.” He gave another wave of his hand dismissing the magic around them. “To manage such a thing in so many minds, it’s nearly impossible.”

“Nearly? So, you still believe that is what happened?” Patton asked, blinking away the lines left behind by the veins.

“I do,” Logan clarified, dusting off his hands. “The power it would take to affect so many people is far beyond Noname’s capabilities. The only person that knows what happened to Roman for certain is Roman.”

“I don’t understand what you’re getting at, Logan. I’m afraid you’re just too smart for me,” Patton chuckled.

“I believe Roman is the one that did this to himself,” Logan stated, glancing away to hide how his face heated at the compliment.

“What?!” Patton asked in shock. Logan eyed him carefully, trying to determine if his surprise was genuine or not. The man was obviously good at deception, he couldn’t put anything past him now.

“My hypothesis is that whatever Roman is, he is very powerful,” Logan began once more. “Noname wants that power for himself. To keep this power away from the abuse Noname no doubt has in store for it, Roman has erased his own memories and locked away his power, making sure that these seeds were planted in the minds of anyone he came in contact with. Hiding his power would keep Roman off Noname’s radar for a bit.”

“But why erase his own memory?” Patton asked, his curiosity getting the better of him.

“I’m uncertain.” said Logan, “Perhaps to keep Noname from his brother? Or perhaps to blend in better with humans. If Roman could manage to hide among mortals, then he could keep out of Noname’s grasp indefinitely.”

“If that’s true then how did Noname find him?” Patton pressed. He knew he should stop, knew he should leave well enough alone and let Logan believe whatever he wanted.

As long as Logan stopped with the questions he didn’t have to worry.

“There could be a number of reasons,” Logan admitted softly, popping a few more rations in his mouth. “It could be that Roman found us instead of regular humans; or perhaps it was Remus. Noname did appear not long after he did. For all we know Remus could have hurried back to his master and tell him exactly where to-”

“He wouldn’t do that! Remus is a good man!” Patton snapped before he could manage to control himself. The moment the words left his lips he tensed, realization hitting. “I-I mean… I assume that he is.”

Logan arched a brow, just managing to keep his jealousy at bay. So, Patton was close to Remus as well? Judging from the fierceness of his reaction Logan wouldn’t be surprised if they were lovers, though, he severely hoped not.

“Regardless, it is a possibility,” Logan added with a huff, moving to stand. He dusted off his trousers before offering a hand out to the smaller man. “We should get going.”

Patton hesitated before giving a nod and accepting the offered hand, allowing Logan to pull him up. A moment later he pulled his pack onto his shoulder and motioned for Logan to take the lead.

“That still doesn’t explain why you are not demanding me to tell you what Roman actually is,” Patton pointed out as they started moving.

“True,” Logan agreed. “However, if Roman is as powerful as I believe him to be, and has indeed altered his own mind, why would I risk revealing the secret he has gone to such lengths to conceal, even inadvertently?”

“But you don’t know if Roman is the one that did this to himself,” Patton reminded.

“That is also accurate, though I refuse to believe otherwise,” Logan admitted, catching Patton’s curiosity once more. He would never grow tired of the way Logan’s mind seemed to process things.

“Why not?”

“Because, Patton,” Logan sighed, expression turning a bit concerned. “If Roman is not the one that did this to himself, then there is another being out there whose power goes beyond mine and even yours. An entity that may or may not be benevolent. A being that we have no way of conquering, individually or cooperatively. A creature powerful to destroy use with a thought.”

Patton’s small frame began to tense with every word. Logan was describing a slaughter. If they had to face someone like that, they were sure to lose, and Logan doubted their deaths would be quick. Creatures with that much power tended to be sadists. No, if it wasn’t Roman, then they were all doomed. There was no sugar coating or trying to put up a fight. They would be annihilated before they even realized what was happening.

“So, I will choose to believe that Roman is the one that did this to himself, because to believe otherwise would mean I have decided that we are all walking to our deaths.” He took a moment to glance up at the stars that peeked through the canopy occasionally, trying to calm himself. “I promised Virgil I would protect him. I promised I would do everything I could to make sure there would be no more pain or regret. Which means I must believe that we have a chance, for Virgil’s sake, that Roman did this to protect everyone.”

Patton stared up at him, his heart breaking for the man before him.

Logan would do anything for the ones he cared about, that much was obvious.

Even knowing that it was completely possible that he was wrong about Roman, Logan was still willing to act blind for Virgil’s happiness, even if it killed him.

Patton froze, his heart pounding furiously against his chest.

The suspicion he had been denying for so long crept up on him.

Panic rose in his throat as he tried to deny it.

It wasn’t the right time!

He couldn’t do this!

The realization that the dragon had slowly been falling in love with the witch struck him hard, causing him to stumble.

He loved Logan.

There was no doubting it now.

The smaller man gave a cry as he felt something in his chest crack, the pain unbearable.

“Patton!” Logan called in surprise as the dragon waivered.

A moment later the witch’s own pained cries mixed with Patton’s as he fell to his knees. His hands went to his chest, his heart feeling as if it were being filled with liquid glass. It was so hot… so fragile.

What was happening?!

Logan watched as Patton collapsed to his knees,

Was he feeling this too?!

Was he alright?!

The dragon reached for his mortal love...

He had to make sure Logan was alright…

Had to make sure…

Everything went black as his face buried in the brush beneath them, the faint thudding sound of Logan’s body following suit echoing in the silence of his unconscious as he became lost to the world.

To be continued...

Taglist:

@hiddendreamer67 @nightashes @aequinoctiale @sumersnowlilly

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bigendering · 5 years

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On systems and plurality

With very few exceptions, I try to keep this blog strictly gender-focused, or at least mogai/pride focused: I don’t make posts about lots of other things that are important because that’s not what this blog is for. I am going to make an exception here, but I’ll also bring it back to gender at the end. It’s also a long post, so I’ll bold key points and have some tl;drs

Systems, specifically plural systems, refer to instances of multiple people residing in one body. “Fronting” refers to being in control of the body. Sometimes people cofront, and share control, or have one person perceiving and another person acting. Sometimes people have a complete memory barrier, and can’t remember what another person did when they were fronting. Some system members can communicate with each other, some can’t. Sometimes people can perceive what’s happening irl even if they’re not fronting. Sometimes people go “inworld” when they’re fronting, and inhabit a completely different mental space, which can be very complex. Sometimes people aren’t entirely separate - this is called a median system.

I, Kai, am a median (sub)system. Specifically, there are two, sometimes three people who operate this blog. Our names are Sapphire, barker, and protector. Sapphire and barker together make up Kai, who is both one person and two people - think Garnet from Steven Universe (actually where Sapphire got eir name). Probably no one’s noticed the tone shifts, but more goofy and casual posts are generally from barker, and most of the posts, especially more formal and intellectual ones (like this) are from Sapphire. Protector, as the name suggests, usually only comes out when things turn nasty. When he cofronts with Kai, we’re collectively called dragon, who is also a median subsystem, both three and two and one people - think a fusion of Garnet and Amethyst. There are a couple other, completely separate people in our system who don’t come on this blog.

Systems are sometimes created as a result of trauma, especially childhood trauma, but not always. The clinical explanation for traumagenic systems is that the mind can’t handle the trauma, and so either creates a new entity capable of handling it, creates a new entity that remembers the trauma so you don’t have to, or splits into multiple entities to take on these various roles. The various entities that may emerge and the roles they may fill are usually more complex than what I’ve stated, but you get the general idea. Some systems believe one or more of their members entered the system externally to help with the trauma, which is a just as valid hypothesis.

Some systems don’t form to handle trauma, and just happen naturally. In some cases, the body was seemingly born with two entities. In other cases, a single person spontaneously splits into multiple people. As above, sometimes people just appear who do not resemble the current residents in any way, and are believed to originate externally (these are called soulbonds or walk-ins, depending on how they entered). There are also people who deliberately or, occasionally, accidentally create new members, called thoughtforms (you’ll also see “tulpa” used, but it’s appropriative) essentially by talking to someone until they manifest consciousness and start talking back. These systems are neither ruled out nor much acknowledged by scientific literature. I don't know for certain why this is the case, but I assume it's generally because 1. people with traumagenic systems go to get treatment for ptsd, and their systems are relevant and come up and are studied, and 2. traumagenic systems have a cause that’s easier to place, so they’re easier to study, and since they’ve been studied, it’s easier to keep talking about them than to track down different forms of systems. It's also possible that the psychiatric community has wished to pathologize systems and prefer to talk about them as "unnatural" phenomenon as a result of trauma, though besides the obvious response, I would add that lots of neurodivergencies aren't a result of trauma, so this doesn't seem like a sound motivation.

These non-traumagenic systems, called endogenic systems, are sometimes invalidated by people akin to truscum. Endogenic systems are told that they’re lying because they’re not possible, that they’re delusional, that they’re in denial about the reason their system formed, and even that they must be repressing trauma if they’re plural and don’t remember a traumatic experience. All of these claims rely on the fallacious argument that if something isn’t well-documented, it does not exist. They fall into the circular trap of thinking a. this hasn’t been observed, therefore b. it’s not possible (this is a fallacy), and so c. if it is observed, the observation must be false. Since c is based on b, which is based on a, which would be negated by c in the first place, the last claim doesn’t make sense.

We personally consider ourselves multi/quoigenic - we do not believe it matters how we formed except as a matter of curiosity, but since curiosity is rampant in our system, we've thought it out and as far as we can tell, we're both endo- and traumagenic. Protector emerged as a result of trauma, becoming the host (well, at least the primary host - dragon was really the host I suppose) until Kai, then Sapphire became the host later. We can't place a time when barker and Sapphire weren't both present, so we consider ourselves endogenic twins. We ask that everyone respect our conclusion, and respect the fact that we know our own life better than anyone, certainly better than a random person or follower on the internet, and that we have both done our research and thought things through.

tl;dr: Systems not formed by trauma exist and are valid, and we consider ourselves one of them.

Individuals in systems are often different genders. This can result in a lot of experiences similar to singlet transgender experiences, but with added complications. Sometimes a member's gender can be influenced by another's. Sometimes what causes one member euphoria causes another dysphoria. Sometimes one member wants to physically transition and another does not. It's complicated, and hard, and shout out to everyone who's struggling with this issue because being trans is hard enough, but it's even worse when there are multiple people who own one body, and can't agree on what to do with it. Sometimes this is similar to what some genderfluid people experience in terms of dysphoria and euphoria, and similar compromises need to be reached.

Sometimes systems have a systemgender that they present to the rest of the world - for instance, one member is a man, one member is a woman, so they call themselves bigender or genderfluid, especially if they're closeted as a system. This specific instance is different from a singlet being bigender, but there are also a lot of similarities - wanting both genders to be represented and acknowledged, sometimes conflicting gender euphoria/dysphoria with regard to pronouns, style, and body traits, not fitting into the "one gender per body" norm, not fitting into the "gender=gender assigned at birth, no deviations, no extras," etc. I also coined mediangender, which can either be the systemgender of a median system, or the gender one facet (person in a median system) often identifies as because of the effects of being in a median system, despite having a different gender independently. There's also systemfluid, which just means the gender of the system changes depending on who's fronting, which is a given if different fronters have different genders, so seems questionable as a term, and medianfluid, which is when the median system's gender changes depending on which facet is fronting, or more at front, which makes much more sense when you consider that a median system is in some sense a single person.

In our system, we have a member who would not want top surgery or testosterone, and another two who want to look exactly like cis men.For our system, we've agreed to get top surgery but will also get breastforms once we have, and we're only planning on being on enough testosterone to be suitably androgynous. I (Sapphire, current host) am happiest with this anyway, but barker, protector, and Cat are all having to compromise. We all have to compromise on hair, too - it's an adventure. My gender is bigenderfluid(flux?), while barker is probably a binary trans guy, but identifies with bigender as a mediangender because we're so blurry a lot of the time that he feels some of my gender too - or he's not binary. We're not sure at this point. At any rate, Kai's mediangender is bigenderfluid, and dragon's mediangender is bigenderfluidflux, so this blog is still run by people who, together or separately, all identify with being bigender in some way. (Protector is proxvir on his own, but he wouldn't touch this blog on his own.)

tl;dr: Gender is often complicated in systems, and this blog is still run by bigender people

So anyway I hope this post was informative, and I'm happy to answer any questions people may have. We'll also start publicly signing asks with the names Sapphire and barker in addition to Kai, as the case may be, and tag the posts that we make with our names.

#systems #plurality #actuallymultiple #syscourse #systemgender #mediangender #medianfluid #bigender #genderfluid #me #Sapphire #kai #barker #protector #uhhhh if we tag dragon that'll be annoying for people looking for pictures of dragons so #dragontime #actuallyplural

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momtemplative · 4 years

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Nine Days. (COVID-19)

To say day-to-day life has changed since I last posted (March 9) feels like a gross understatement. Nine days feels like the gestation period of some unknown force that continues to grow.

I’m writing, but my words feel like sheets of paper in a cyclone. Nothing cohesive. Self-judgment says, does anyone really want to hear what you have to say in the midst of this barrage of COVID-19 thoughts/opinions/posts/news? Then I shut up and write, even if it’s just something, even if it’s not pristine.

Nine Days, in list form:

1. Thursday, March 12, 2020—THE OUTSIDE TURNS DOWN.

We get the news that schools are going to be shut down for many weeks, probably more. When that happens, the lighting in our house shifts. It’s as if the outside turns down, like half-drawn curtains. And those who live inside the walls of our little house—Jesse, Opal, Ruth, myself, and the pets— take on a fresh-rinsed potency, as if we know we are on the brink of something big and we are in it together.

2. Friday, March 13, 2020—TARGET

We take a trip to Target. Ruth begs to wear her tap shoes, which I reluctantly agree to. The people at Target are amiable; nobody is concerned about keeping a distance yet. We are pushing carts as two-way traffic down aisles, brushing elbows, as we would on any large-crowd shopping day. Moms exchange nods of camaraderie, like fellow Harley drivers on the highway. The overall feeling is generous and very much we-are-in-this-together. What is different, what is startling, is the very, very low inventory. Some of the shelves are completely empty, (toilet paper, cleaning agents) which, in spite of the music, crowds and fluorescent lighting, feels eerie.

The lines are 10-12 people long, cards filled to the brim, and even though I don’t hear one short-tempered word, most of the people in the lines are wrapped comfortably in the tiny glare of their smart phones. It’s amazing how deeply grownups crawl into those little screens, even in public. Ruth walks by them with her tap-tap-tap shoes, duct taped at the buckle and two sizes too big. They make a startling, gloriously sharp sound against the linoleum.

Imagine a line of adults raising their gaze with each step of her foot, like a face-only version of the wave, a beautiful cascade of heads that rise to meet the sound. Each face spreads into a smile when they see where it originates: tiny girl, impervious to her impact, shiny-star tank top and tutu, like a Disney+ version of Madonna’s Like a Virgin.

Back at home, emails flood our inboxes with some variation of ‘COVD-19 closure’ in the subject line. The library. The Rec center. Stores dropping from Main Street like birds shot from a wire. Restaurants and coffee shops are sweating hard, offering discounts on gift cards for later and curbside take-out.

We are getting wind of the fact that we need to slow the spread of this virus so as not to overwhelm the healthcare systems—to ‘flatten the curve.’ We need to stay in as much as possible. Not be in big groups. Probably not see the grandparents for a while. Wash our hands like crazy, scrubbing while singing the ABCs from start to finish.

It sure looks as if we won’t be going to Target (where Ruth who touches every surface with all ten fingers then promptly rubs her eyes and picks her lip) for a while.

3. Saturday, March 14, 2020—SHOULD WE??

Every out-of-house action feels strange and other-worldly. Even the most benign of outings suddenly beg the question, wait—should we?? Do we really need to?? Going to the kid-gym and kid-yoga just two days earlier suddenly seems outlandish. A planned gathering with friends that felt wonderful yesterday feels out of the question today.

4. Sunday, March 15, 2020—COMMUNITY.

There is an amazing video going around of a community in Italy who are quarantined, but still singing from their balconies as an etherial chorus.

A family-walk around the block feels potent and perennially safe. Our next-door neighbor joins us with her dog. We wave at another family of neighbors who are perched on their porch in the sun, their toddler wearing the hilarious mirrored sunglasses of a studly lifeguard. Then we cross and take the bike path behind the houses that are on the other side of our street. Another neighbor exits from her sliding back door, her dog lurching out from behind her. Yet another neighbor steps out into the light wearing pajamas and with his small dog under his arm. Everyone feels hungry for sunshine and familiar connection, but we all keep our distance.

When I was 13, I took a spring break vacation with friends to Arizona, where we visited the “Biosphere2.” The headlines read: “Eight explorers join together in a daring, high-profile study of sustainability and the new science of biospherics—the study of closed systems that mimic Earth’s environment.” Essentially, eight people lived in a sealed-up dome, a mini-earth, for two years to study sustainability. We could see them all through the glass. I remember waving, though I don’t know how accurate that is. I think of that right now, as I wave to my friends through their windows.

Even Opal is weighing her options. Just after lunch, she says to me, “I’m going to try and make Ruth my friend. We may be together for a long long time and I want to have fun with her.”

The girls laugh so hard at dinner tonight, we wind up calling a moratorium when they are unable to take a drink without spraying it across the table. This is very unusual.

5. Monday, March 16, 2020—RAGE

The media is rich with photos of college kids whooping it up over the weekend for St. Patrick’s Day. Seeing photos of hundreds of young bodies smashed together in a bar makes my blood curdle. I can practically see the virus spreading.

Let’s talk about neuroscience for a minute. The brain isn’t fully developed until the age of 25. Therefore, to leave hundreds of thousands of 18-24 year olds to their own devices to make good choices around self-quarantining is like requesting the same from a litter of wild animals. Is there a psychiatrist out there observing this with some sense of concern? Where are the leaders in this? I don’t just mean parents. I’m also wondering about teachers, staff, the adults who own the bars, ANYONE who has some sense of perspective and enough maturity to help float those who aren’t as evolved.

Concurrently, parents are home from work, doing their human duty of staying home/keeping kids home to slow the growth of this thing. Healthcare workers are AT WORK so we can stay home and everyone can get a handle on this thing. Grr. It really is infuriating.

6. Tuesday, March 17, 2020—WHAT IF IT WERE MY IDEA?

Today I have a random memory of having insomnia for close to a year when I first moved to Colorado fifteen years ago. It was agonizing: the mealy brain that would wake me up with an indifferent shrug and leave me unsettled and restless for hours—a fate far worse than jolting into a leap of wide-awake!—left me feeling dead-brained and disconnected for weeks at a time. The only thing that helped me to recover was to pretend it was all my idea. I have no recollection of how that notion ever came to me but there it was. I’d wake up at 3am and force myself to say, well, super! I was hoping to be up tonight! I have so much to do, after all! Filing, for example, was a big one. Before going to sleep at night, I’d actually pile things by my bed to do when I’d wake up during the night. It positively worked. In under a week, I was sleeping like a mouse.

I got to wondering if that hypothesis could be applied to this COVID reality. Perhaps, I could say to myself, now is as good a time as any to face down some mortal fears and learn about what it’s like to live in quarantine with a four and a ten-year-old. I’m not talking about Pollyanna-Sizing in the least. Just talking about broader perspectives to keep sanity in check.

7. Wednesday, March 18, 2020—A FEW GOOD THINGS

Some parts of this feel tenable, dare I say nurturing. The first few days of this have felt like a combination of a snow day and a meditation retreat. It is part family love-fest, part novel bio-spheric experiment. The weather is warm and inviting so we triple our number of family walks and clock in hours in the backyard. (Backyard, oh how I love thee.) Time feels abundant and luxurious. The slow-drip news of this international trauma infuses the ordinary moments with a sense of urgency, of faintly (or not) facing our individual mortality. Each choice is whittled away by the updated COVID rules du jour. Gratitude lists brim with things that may have previously been taken for granted: health, family, running water.

I clean the hell out of the bathtub today and enjoy every moment of it. I cannot for the life of me remember an instance when I took my time cleaning the bathtub like this, doing small circles on the tile like Mr. Miyagi. I typically rush through my cleaning with some sense of discontent, feeling that it’s taking up space that could be used for something worth relishing.

I typically feel paycheck-to-paycheck with regards to time. But now, time is one thing we have more of than we could possibly use. Usually, my brain has the feeling of being pulled down the road by pack of strong wolves. A lurching feeling. Now—not the case. I feel a shit load of feelings, but rushed and overwhelmed are not on the list.

While I clean? The girls are content reading books in their individual ways. Jesse is in the living room in the rocking chair he continues to scoff at, feet up on the rocking foot-stool, MacBook in his lap as if he’s rocking it to sleep. In that moment, there is a settled feeling inside the places where rushing and overwhelm are usually expected. This is one part I do not mind about the new norm.

8. Thursday , March 19, 2020—SNOW / CREATIVITY IS REQUIRED FOR SUSTAINABILITY

There is at least ten inches of snow on the ground—an abrupt change in weather—and I want to start drinking well before lunch. Cozy as it is, all I can think of is our lack of ability to escape into the out-of-doors.

Yesterday I felt heavy and blue, like the adrenaline was wearing off and the novelty of our situation was waning. My face felt leaden and I was short-fused with everyone, making audible sighs of exasperation that drive me bonkers when done by someone else. I miss my friends. I miss my routine and my work and Sunday morning writing-then-yoga. I know everyone does, but I do too. I want my Big child to continue to enjoy being with my Little child without constant management. I want to know HOW THIS IS ALL GOING TO UNFOLD.

Then, moments later, I am telling Opal how we need to try and be patient with each other. We can get what we need with kind words. We are a team.

I am struggling to find balance. One moment, I am a parent who remembers that Opal feels the same feelings as I do around all of this, yet with less perspective and practice on how to be with those scary inner-bits. The next moment, I am fed up with her vague grumpiness and I just want everyone to work together dammit!

The koan is how to feel spacious in a scenario where there is very little limited space.

Today I awoke feeling brighter. Opal has a Girl Scout meeting over Zoom at 2pm. Something for the schedule that did not originate from a member of Grimes Home Base! Yay! We are both as excited as eager peaches. Facetimes, Skype, Zoom calls are going to be the wiring the keeps us tethered to our relationships. Such irony, when, not long ago, the internet felt like the very thing that perpetuated our universal disconnection.

People are starting to get innovative with their use of the Web, and it’s inspiring as hell. Creativity will save us. Some of my favorite local musicians are doing “QuaranTours”—live shows on line. A famous kids’ book author is teaching the art of doodling. Late night Talk Show hosts are doing shows from their living room, with kids climbing on their shoulders and cheeks shiny without the help of a make-up crew.

9. Friday, March 20, 2020—WE NEED A BROCHURE.

Last weekend, we invited our dear next-door neighbor over to watch Frozen 2 with us. She ate our Pirate Booty, sat on our furniture. The things you do with a friend on any given, normal day. This weekend, she texted to see if we wanted to watch another movie, this time with her fiancé who had been traveling last weekend. I felt the need to explain that so much has changed since last Sunday, at least for us. Had it for them? Our tactics had been distilled down to the essence. At this point, we have decided not to let anyone else in the house right now. They totally understood.

Then I ran into them while on a walk today. They were walking towards Elvis and I on the sidewalk and I crossed the street away from them, not at all realizing who they were. I was just doing my usual COVID-cross-the-street-to-give-room move. I was also absorbed in a Podcast.

I crossed-back to see them. I was genuinely giddy with the prospect of their company. I realized I hadn’t been with any adult other than Jesse during the past week. I must've oozed with fervor! But, quickly I felt awkward because I was standing only a few feet away from them! I stepped back but that also felt wrong. Then I was aware of them being aware of me, and I thought, what is happening to us? These are my friends! But because we are not all on the same page, it can feel a bit clunky. Even still, our interaction was supremely satisfying. I wanted them to stay with me for the rest of my walk, but they had plans to go play Scrabble.

Oh how hungry I was for diverse conversation! Those few minutes on the sidewalk together were rich with talk-points and humor. Memorable. I’m still finding my way with enjoyable FaceTimes, but long-distance sidewalk chats are thus far my jam. I had a fantastic chat with a neighbor a few doors down while we were shoveling, and with another neighbor from my porch to her on the sidewalk. Both were far enough away to comfortably toss a softball. Both lasted only a few moments. Both were lavish with depth and hilarity, but concise, as if there were no time to waste.

March 20, 2020

Photos—Top: gel print by Opal. Middle: quick portrait by Ruth. Bottom: me rainbow-organizing markers (who has time for that on an average day??)

#momtemplative #HeatMamaWords #mindfulparenting #CovidList #NineDays

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