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just-some-random-blogger · 1 year

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good morning/day/evening, my lovely angel!! youre soso sweet and cute i cant TT 'i was bummed out i couldnt write' its ok dont worry about me! your comfort is the thing that matters the most! give yourself time. 'i havent written in 2 days' its ok. i cant state but do you think it may be burning out? bc you work really hard and have lots of work beside writing. you really owe nothing to anyone. ill repeat it as many times as i need. bc you do great, you study, do covers, you do a lot. thats more than great! you still worth the world and let down noone. and if anyone have the guts to say otherwise, i can have their tongue. you are the priority. if you dont feel like writing, maybe you shouldnt force yourself to do it to even lessen your minds ability to do it rn. give yourself time. tumblrs nothing when it comes to your mental powers. i dont remember if you say smth about 'kiss it better' later but id talk abt it here. i hope things will get better for you. hope your manifest works really well and ability to do creative things cutie. its very comforting. hope you enjoyed writing it. also the whole concept made me remember the song 'guard you' by young k. its just the most comforting song for me. its released on my bday but for some reason i ignored it for months? ill never forgive this. its really good to have someone to take care of you and 'guard you'. even if im not next to you, remember im always here for you and will always support you. 'i have to keep making art. i cant stop' its great if you cant and feel like it. but please dont force and overwork yourself. you are still you if you currently dont have strength to make art. 'i do love his name' your love for masc feminine names is so adorable TT hes not completely CRINGE meme but not a kind(?) meme either. its difficult to explain esp with how humor here is but yes. 'why didnt you put an episode number' i watched it like.. 2 years ago. you think i remember? im a grandcat myself. i need to do a research for it. maybe at weekends (basically its saturday even here rn but nvm). first epp with matt smith is pretty touching esp with karen gillah and a little drama they have but i also like peter capaldis doctor. esp the beginning of his era. well see. and i never watched davids seasons TT im sorry but its true, cant help you here. 'if i cant write this rn' and hows it? 'poor bb girl witch' nooo she shouldnt feel like it TT the point is she loves her love more than she loves the very daemon. 'sounds tiring' reasonable. ig it can be said abt all my ideas. btw, wfal isnt tiring you? or like a burden? ik you dont like writing long things so im kinds worried now. 'i need a cleanse fic' is it kiss it better? anyway do wild girl! 'but i’ll listen to it later' did you listen to it?... im not making you, just interested ghdjfj. also! ive only learnt abt 'Running up That Hill' by Kate Bush (in another witchy playlist...) and 1) i LOVE it sm her voice and the way of singing is so enchanting? 2) it gives me waiting for a lifetime vibes.. yeah its origin meaning isnt exactly abt it but its the magic of art isnt it? the opportunity to interpret it however you want. and the deal with god pretty much reminds me of the au. 'you’ve got such a beautiful brain' thanks TT take it after my catmom. ive got lots of things to do for the exams but my mental state has only allowed me to watch videos with kitties, cry cats and dogs and listen to this song of kate for the past week. theres the one i cried hardest over (subjectively) and theres the one i cried hardest (objectively). theyre just cute if you ever feel like it. and HEs so tiny i SCREAMED. thats it. just cute vids to bring your mood up. how are you? whats the weather like? hope you are or will soon do great. have a nice day/evening/night! ill try to find an episode and write down some ideas, maybe youll find some inspiration in them. good luck with all the hw and assignments! take care! love you<з *freezy kisses for you to not burn in your weather*

hello my love <3 <3 <3

meow meow muning <3

good morning/day/evening, my lovely angel!! youre soso sweet and cute i cant TT

wait why am i so sweet? what did i do?

anyway LOOOK I GOT A NEW OUTFIT FOR LISA!!!

here she is normally

that's all.

'i was bummed out i couldnt write' its ok dont worry about me! your comfort is the thing that matters the most! give yourself time.

T_T but i love you

'i havent written in 2 days' its ok. i cant state but do you think it may be burning out?

T_T ... i think youre right. T_T

bc you work really hard and have lots of work beside writing. you really owe nothing to anyone. ill repeat it as many times as i need. bc you do great, you study, do covers, you do a lot. thats more than great! you still worth the world and let down noone. and if anyone have the guts to say otherwise, i can have their tongue. you are the priority. if you dont feel like writing, maybe you shouldnt force yourself to do it to even lessen your minds ability to do it rn. give yourself time. tumblrs nothing when it comes to your mental powers.

thank you. this means a lot to me to hear this. you dont know how very much your words mean to me.

i want to write. but i cant. i want to write ideas outside my reqs but also i want to make reqs but also i cant. i dont know

i dont remember if you say smth about 'kiss it better' later but id talk abt it here. i hope things will get better for you. hope your manifest works really well and ability to do creative things cutie. its very comforting. hope you enjoyed writing it.

i dont know if i enjoyed writing it but while rereading it i was like 'damn im really good at writing' i hope i get out of this hitch T_T

also the whole concept made me remember the song 'guard you' by young k. its just the most comforting song for me. its released on my bday but for some reason i ignored it for months? ill never forgive this. its really good to have someone to take care of you and 'guard you'. even if im not next to you, remember im always here for you and will always support you.

omg this was yonks parting gift before enlisting. (i call young-k yonk cos thats what it reads like yonk HAHHAH) im so touched that you feel this way towards me T_T i feel the same for you. lol its so funny you ignored it but ended up loving it HAHAH. i want a hug from you for real i want to cry.

'i have to keep making art. i cant stop' its great if you cant and feel like it. but please dont force and overwork yourself. you are still you if you currently dont have strength to make art.

T_T i want a hug. i dont know if im forcing myself but maybe youre right i should stop T_T

'i do love his name' your love for masc feminine names is so adorable TT hes not completely CRINGE meme but not a kind(?) meme either. its difficult to explain esp with how humor here is but yes.

i have nothing else to say about him so heres him with a dog <3 i love the dog dog <3

'why didnt you put an episode number' i watched it like.. 2 years ago. you think i remember? im a grandcat myself. i need to do a research for it. maybe at weekends (basically its saturday even here rn but nvm).

grandcat T_T it ok i just assumed you had an episode in mind. you dont have to research

first epp with matt smith is pretty touching esp with karen gillah and a little drama they have

i'll watch that!

but i also like peter capaldis doctor. esp the beginning of his era.

ive seen crack edits of jenna coleman and him and i kinda wanna watch his too

well see. and i never watched davids seasons TT im sorry but its true, cant help you here.

LOL HAHHAH thats fine thank you anyway i love you

'if i cant write this rn' and hows it?

T_T i cant write it im sorry

'poor bb girl witch' nooo she shouldnt feel like it TT the point is she loves her love more than she loves the very daemon.

She loves her love for daemon more than daemon himself? or daemon lovers her more than daemon ???

'sounds tiring' reasonable. ig it can be said abt all my ideas.

its not your idea that tiring its the idea of writing that tires me. baby i love your ideas T_T please stop exploding on yourself

btw, wfal isnt tiring you? or like a burden? ik you dont like writing long things so im kinds worried now.

🙄 gee. i literally make mood boards for it, i wonder if its tiring. well ok enough sarcasm, it is very much laborious but its a labor of love. i have not enjoyed writing a... series in a long time. its not a burden. i promise you i will stop writing that fic once i feel like im done with it. i was partially joking about ending i at p5 but i do hope i manage to keep it short T_T asfhs/flhsd

'i need a cleanse fic' is it kiss it better? anyway do wild girl!

it was. but idk if i was cleansed

'but i’ll listen to it later' did you listen to it?... im not making you, just interested ghdjfj.

i listened to the first part of the first song and i ejected i dont remember why but i guess i didnt like the vibe T_T

also! ive only learnt abt 'Running up That Hill' by Kate Bush (in another witchy playlist...) and 1) i LOVE it sm her voice and the way of singing is so enchanting? 2) it gives me waiting for a lifetime vibes.. yeah its origin meaning isnt exactly abt it but its the magic of art isnt it? the opportunity to interpret it however you want. and the deal with god pretty much reminds me of the au.

ive listened to this song before. she does have a very strong and enchanting voice. im honored that my fic reminds you things T_T thats so sweet and so nice of you. im honored to have such an impact on you <3

'you’ve got such a beautiful brain' thanks TT take it after my catmom. ive got lots of things to do for the exams but my mental state has only allowed me to watch videos with kitties, cry cats and dogs and listen to this song of kate for the past week.

you and i are so same. our mental capacities are overloaded. i think i might really just stop writing for a while T_T idk ive got these ideas i want to get out of my brain though

theres the one i cried hardest over (subjectively)

T_T PUMA PUMA <3

and theres the one i cried hardest (objectively).

LOOONG BABY FLOOF <3

theyre just cute if you ever feel like it. and HEs so tiny i SCREAMED.

ive seen this before T_T theyre SO tiny i squishhhhh

thats it. just cute vids to bring your mood up.

thank you they mean so much <3 this post is really cute too. im luv

how are you?

im currently in class not listening because id rather reply to you. dw its a concept ive studied before. my head hurts and im hungry. i also want to pee so badly but i cant leave my desk. i want to read fics to badly

whats the weather like?

its so hot my head hurts

hope you are or will soon do great.

me too i hope you are also well.

have a nice day/evening/night!

i love you i hope you have a nice day too <3

ill try to find an episode and write down some ideas, maybe youll find some inspiration in them.

thank you so much <3 the fact you care enough to do that. T_T thank you.

good luck with all the hw and assignments! take care! love you<з

me too T_T i want to graduate. i dont want to fail. i cant fail. T_T i feel dumb sometimes even though i know deep down im not T_T

*freezy kisses for you to not burn in your weather*

thank you <3 i love you

i also wanted to share this video about wolves. i love it so much. it makes me love nature so much. it makes you realize how important it is to allow animals to stay in their habitats.

also this tiger series. i used to watch this so much. i love tiggers love love love

i love you bye bye my love

xxx

#slavyanskiyahui cutie #anon ask #my beloved anons #modern!daemon anon #ask #modern!daemon nonnie

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cas-rivaille · 3 years

Text

@reinertiddiejuice

hi there! i saw your matchups were open and i couldn't stop myself </3 so i'd like an aot matchup!!

before i start i want to say thank you for doing these matchups :( even though theyre literally matchups with people who dont exist 💔💔 they comfort us so much so thank you for taking the time to do this and i hope you have a wonderful day :D

now hi! im katie! or katherine, (literally no one has ever used that though), i'm straight, afab, and use she/her pronouns. i'm 5'2, have shoulder length dark brown hair with face framing pieces in the front. basically a wolfcut but more with a more 70s feel, i have an overbite and a slight tooth gap which means i can never fully close my mouth </3. i have dark brown cat eyes, tan skin, and plump lips. the best way to describe my style is a tamer phoebe buffay! eccentric!

my mbti is enfp-t, my enneagram is 7w8 and my big 3 are libra sun, gemini moon, and sagittarius rising!

as for my personality i'm a generally upbeat and giddy person! with people im not that close to im usually laid-back but with people i know i can get really loud and just really let loose! i LOVE using cursing at people im close to. its a form of endearment for me. dont ask me why i dont know either but i just know that i feel safe around someone when i start cursing at them. im a scatterbrain like ive rewritten this so many times just so everything is easier for you to read RIPPP i get insecure at times and im kinda stubborn too its hard for me to get out of that mindset without someone realllyyy pushing me to do better dont ask me how im getting over it now...im not. which is why id like someone who is patient with me </3 and doesnt get mad at why am feeling a certain way. but id like to say im optimistic cause even though im feeling bad, i know in the future ill get better, i just have to work through this.

now im an artistic and expressive person. i love singing and acting! especially with acting, for some reason, pretending to be someone else grounds me in a way? i have no idea how to explain it but after ive finished a monologue, i always feel so calm and so in tune with myself. i also LOVE getting to know peoples little quirks and interests. no matter how "weird" they deem it (within reasoning ofc) i love getting to know what makes people happy! i also get really excited over little things. both literally and figuratively. i love tiny objects which is why the secret world of arriety is my fave studio ghibli movie hAHAHA theyre just so cute and tiny :( and the way you have to handle each item with such care because theyre so small just warms my heart. i also want a ferret. like as a pet. theyre literally the perfect animal theyre so small but theyre energetic MANNNN THATS ALL I WANT THEYD BE SO MUCH FUN TO PLAY WITH. i also adore handmade items. whatever it is, from a cake to a stuffed animal, i love handmade things cause you can see the love and care they put into making it. it doesn't have to be perfect, hell it's better if it isnt because you can see the humanity in the item, you can see that a human being actually made this and it rly does warm my heart :((

now for relationships, its the little things that matter the most to me. if they remembered a small detail i told them, or if they make sure to do something because they know i'll like it, it's just the small details that get me because that means they're really listening and really do care about me.more often than not you'll find me spaced out and find that ive slipped into my imagination again. i do love my little world of scenarios ive created in my head but thats cause i like it more than the present but i know i only do that cause i dont have someone who im reallllyyy close to and someone who i can talk to and be present with so i think once i get into a relationship ill want to spend most of my time with them because they make the present a little more bareable :)

i hope that was enough info for you to work with!! pls take your time!! i'm not in a rush but also if you don't want to do it that's fine :D i wish you the best <3

---

HI OMG THANK YOU FOR THE REQUEST !! ITS MY FIRST AOT ONE I HOPE YOU LIKE IT !!

also this is my first time responding to a submission i hope i did it right !!

on another quick note, i love doing requests n matchups n hcs so feel free to ask anytime !! also i totally agree ik me personally i always love fictional character stuff and when i get matchups that i asked my serotonin goes NYOOM

okay so i'm assuming you won't hate me because based off your username i don't think you will, but i got SERIOUS reiner vibes from you. and here's why:

- ik you said you like small things and this totally counteracts it bc reiner is just huge in every aspect,, but like you'd be the small one now and idk i feel like the size difference is s o cute

- reiner loves that you let loose around him and as much as he's a kind loving doting himbo when it comes to you, he would so be down to have a roast war

- HE THINKS YOUR TOOTH GAP IS SO CUTE AHAJSHSHS

- knows you can be scatter brained so he leaves you little notes in places you'll find them and sometimes it's just like "remember to drink water :)"

- he would get you a ferret and the two of you would name it together🥺

- reiner knows you like handmade stuff and he would literally take EVERY opportunity to do smth for you

- hungry ? suddenly he's made your favorite food. tired ? oh look at that there's a knitted blanket on your bed with your name on it that reiner started making whenever you left because he took it up as a hobby and wanted to make you smth

- MUSIC DATES

- everything from playlists to singing and dancing in your room

- if you need an acting buddy, you got one, it's reiner

- PLEASE GIVE HIM CUDDLES HE WOULD BE SO HAPPY TO BE SNUGGLY W YOU

- mmm falling asleep on his chest

- if you spaced out w him he'd let you be in your world or he'd smile and hold hands w you to bring you back :)

- he's such a good listener and is v patient w you

- overall, giant good boi and smol energetic bean duo

- he loves you sm

a/n: I HOPE I DID A GOOD JOB AND I HOPE YOU LIKE IT ITS MY FIRST AOT REQUEST BUT I HOPE I GET MORE AND HAVE A GOOD DAY/NIGHT AND REMEMBER TO DRINK WATER <3

- cas :)

#submission #aot #aot requests #aot matchups #reiner aot #aot reiner #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #thank you for the request #reiner headcanons #:)#mars on earth

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atsumwah · 3 years

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hii pretty bby !!

thank u so much for always giving me the time and space i need !!! i truly appreciate it, especially since i told u that i lost some friends bc of it,,, i just tend to get overwhelmed a lot and then i disappear for a few days to i guess evaluate 🥺 anyways that aside, i’m truly grateful to have u in my life pretty bby 🥺😘💕

yes ur my pretty bby now, tsumu better suck it up 🥰🥰

pls take enough rest bb and make sure to stay hydrated ! i rlly liked s5 of bnha and i’m curious to know what ur thoughts are, so pls do let me know !! and i feel ya on the sleeping part,,, sometimes our body just work that way i guess, doesn’t matter how many hours u sleep, u still feel hella tired.

i think my doctor said once it is because you then have too little iron and vitamin d in your body (or something like that) or it’s bc ur feeling stressed. either way, try to plan like maybe an hour or just 30 min in ur day purely to de-stress and relax. it works for some ppl (not me tho) and i hope it can work for u as well <333

i’ll gladly be the ji-yeong to ur sae-byeok 🥺🥺 (and take a bullet for u)

and literally SAME ! when i know that ur happy, healthy and overall just feeling great, that brings me so much serotonin !! thank u for being in my life and ilyt bb and loml 💗💗

senn u gotta stop or my heart is gonna burst🥺🥺

hey hey of course <3 the last thing id want is to pressure u or anything and i completely get it love && im grateful for u too! i love having u in my life seriously do u want me to hv a heart attack tsumu got nothing pls ur the loml😘

omg i love it! i think i got 5 episodes left?? and im at the my villain academia arc and my heart just aches for all of them pls😭😭 im a big baby so i cried a lot but how could i not when i know more abt them 😭😭

ooo that makes sense tho! i can't say I'm stressed bcs i literally do nothing at home 😂 but maybe on some level im just stressed of what ppl keep perceiving me as these days and it bothers me sm,,,, I'll try to do that ! if it doesn't work well there's always the #haikyuu fluff tag to cheer me up 😌

guys u heard it ive found my other half 🥺🥺🥺and not if i take the bullet for u first

hehe as i said ur literally my serotonin boost,,,so basically,,, sennotonin????

pls sometimes i think im funny

anyways i hope to hear from u soon bby!! i adore u sm💕💕💕

#💬—asks #—senn💘

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neo-shitty · 3 years

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toffee!

hehe glad i could make you laugh, oooh that sounds awesome! yeah id love to be tagged it sounds great :)

YES the differences are so fucking weird. like, they do know they're the same age right? i feel like its just an exagguration of how much the persons role in the group matters, like we see chan being held up as such a mature, old leader while jungkook who is literally the same age, is still babied etc. like enha hyung line is basically the same age (if a bit younger) as chenle and jisung but somehow the rules are different?? as you point out, still legal but still bizarre. hehe yeah, i mean where else are we going to rant? quora lol. mmm, hopefully more people can just write less smut abt people who are barely adults

ah, no prob it didnt take long. yeah i think thats right (i keep forgetting you know my url lol) mmhmm :( i think if that happened irl there would be some major trauma going on. knock wood it never happens to you or me lol (/hj)

hehe same! oooh glad Redemption For Cheese was realised! yess we cant rllycomplain that theyve written/produced too much good music lol. yeah, ive dragged him into being a stay so *dusts hands off* mission accomplished. mmm yeah, they tend to have a certain vibe but tbh it couldve worked if they were any other group but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ahh ur one step ahead of me on the stages of listening to ssick i think, still not convinced but thats okay! hehe, it had to be said. yesss the itch in the back of my brain is very satisfied by sorry i love you, felixs vocals deserve to be appreciated! (side note i feel like hes trying to sing more like his speaking voice, sorta husky, but tbh i wouldnt be mad if he sang like in glow, his sweet honey vocals made my life lol. but i think ive heard him say he doesnt like singing like that cos it makes his normal voice less husky, so what can you do)

> YES SOMEONE SAID IT. seungmin rap KING, he sped thru that rap like it was nothing, he deserves more rap lines. i do like how they gave minho some melodic rap lines this comeback, my guy deserved to show off those skills that made him not be eliminated (flashbacks to stay collectively wanting to murder jyp) and we already know changbin can sing, my man murdered masked singer. hyunjin can obviously sing as can jisung and felix, and i want to hear chan rap more! i feel like he started as part of 3racha (as a rap unit not producing) and then just became a vocalist (which im fine with, but it could be nice to hear him flex his rapping skills) and was partially replaced by hyunjin. anywayyy

back to album talk. lmaooo sad music to twerk to PERFECTLY describes silent cry. yes secret secret is and will always be, a masterpiece. hehe glad i could make you laugh :) i just felt like they have similar vibes. putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised. oh my beloved track, red lights. ahh thats okay, we can have different opinions, but by god the lyrics are *chefs kiss*. *banging on table* TWISTED AU TWISTED AU TWISTED AU. yess id love to see ur take on it! sdfghjkl it would have been glorious

no no! not stupid, just able to predict my brainwaves. ooooh thats so cool! makes me want to go there (wherever there is lol) yeah the waves are pretty good here, but none of my familys a surfer, so we dont rlly enjoy the full potential lol. YES moving on to gone away, it is indeed a heartwrenching track, but the vocals and the bloody key change? makes me want to brave being sad just to listen to it. mmm yeah, good point :( i feel like ive just gotten used to overthinking so much so that it doesnt matter what mood im in, ill do it anyway, so might as well just do what i feel like doing anyway.

yeah i think ur right! it is quite comforting knowing that all the tracks will get the love they deserve. i feel like also people assume kpop is just one genre which is utter bs. there are so many different vibes and feels and songs, i couldnt get into kpop (of which i thought only the bright cheerful present day bts stuff existed smh) until i heard gods menu so... idk where i was going with this but yeah. :)

YES FUCK YG, theyre literally on the brink of being kicked out of the big three and they are holding their salvation hostage without letting them do ANYTHING. idek what thought process goes thru their minds but arghhh its so infuriating. yess lisa's cb will be awesome but ot4 is the gold standard here.

hehe, glad u could get to this point. no no! u dont sound like a cult member at all lol yeah, i loooove some of their songs but the whole 23 members thing is getting to me. thats prob a common problem with nctzens but what can i say? im a simple girl with a limit to how many korean boys i can give my money to. atm im just trying to get into ateez and finish memorising enhypen's faces. also kard is kinda sucking me into their fandom atm, as well as eric name lol. ah what can you do? ooh thats good!

hehe i love it too! its exactly like online penpals, that was rlly well put. aww ty! hmm im okay, recovering from a bad case of rsv so thats fun. im doing okay mentally, starting therapy soon (after having to convince my mother that its not just smth i can brush off). physically i wont go into, basically i should be doing stretches to help but they dont completely fix it so my lazy ass doesnt do them, plus i got told recently im going to be stuck with this condition for the rest of my life so thats fun! ah, before you type smth dw abt me ill be fine. the weather atm is cloudy but warm, its been raining on and off today which is good for the garden. uhh i just finished reading sunburnt veils and im in the middle of prom theory which is rlly good. ummm ive got a concert tonight? that i may or may not be able to sing in (bc of the whole rsv thingo) and uhhhh idk. my dog is cute? im drinking tea rn? ive got a school dance coming up?

wbu? hows ur day going, how are you? whats the weather like on ur end? done anything interesting lately? found smth that makes you rlly happy? just any random thing youve been dying to tell someone?

no no! dont apologise, i love these exchanges. i think im happy to continue them for a long time :) on the other hand, if you get tired of them, feel free to just not answer at any time. goodness gracious this was a long ask haha hope it isnt too annoying

<3 w.a. 🐺

sorry it took me a bit to reply, i was fixing my theme ;n;

yeah, i figured it was because of the roles too. my friends and i still get taken aback when 3rd gen idols are the same age as 4th gen ones. in my head it doesn't add up sometimes. PLS THE RANT AT QUORA SKJDK tbh tho it's just going to be normalized as the years pass? esp that the boys are growing older and the amount of explicit fics will just increase. i might have to start blocking tags.

i had to look up the previous ask to remember what we were talking about xd i hope the events in champagne problems never happens to anyone. realistically, it probably happens a lot. damn i really won't wish that pain on anyone. dragging your brother into being a stay i whEEZED JFKSA additional noeasy music enthusiast o.o and ALL I CAN SAY WITH YOU GUSHING ABT FELIX IS AHA WHIPPEEEED OML can't blame you tho, i also want to hear felix sing more in other shades (if that makes sense HAHA) i really hope they'll do the role exchange in the next comeback :( or like in the near future bc i know they can do it :( the day i hear seungmin rapping it i will respectfully pass away. minho was given more lines this comeback thank fUCK i could rmb my irl being vocal abt her frustration. i don't get why minho barely has center time/lines in title tracks??? like the line distribution in the past eras just made me ???? if seventeen can balance lines with 13 members why cant a group of 8 do the same? moving on. i haven't watched the stray kids show simply bc i don't want to cry HAJS but i've seen clips. imagine if skz debuted without minho and felix?!?!? i rmb another irl catching bias feels towards changbin bc of the masked singer only to find out that the man's a rapper. i love how skz's vocals were highlighted this comeback :c there were a lot of mellow tracks! i find it cute when chan sings/raps bc it gets kinda obvious that he's a foreigner? the accent (im not even sure if it's the accent) it just shows. "putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised." CORRECT.

abt the twisted au o.O i'll inquire my irl if she wants to write it or not. if she doesn't want to, i'll do it. i miss writing twisted aus <3___<3 and i also miss going to the beach with my friends :' ) but it's starting to get cold here and i don't think i'll be able to enjoy the beach as much as i would if i went beaching in the summer. so maybe next summer? gone away really has an sm-ballad vibe. the thing about skz being a self-producing group, their songs don't sound like typical jype songs? and i just appreciate that bc in all honesty im not a fan of jyp groups at all. PLS the overthinking. i wish i could mute overthinking.

anyone who assumes kpop is just one genre obv hasn't listened to a single track. if kpop was just one genre why do i like some tracks more than the others??? oh you've only recently become a kpop stan? tbh im not a fan of the bright songs of bts either. i liked their older ones *chefs kiss* really matched high school vibes. yg has good artists and they're just wasting the talent ~.~ that strategy they have will get tiring eventually. people will stop waiting on blackpink and move on to newer more active groups ://

HAHAHAH yeah the 23 members is pretty overwhelming! it was the reason i didn't bother stanning before quarantine started. i don't regret stanning tho, met my ult bias in that group <3___<3 i don't really purchase albums unless i like the tracks xd ohhh getting into ateez just in time for the comeback! let me know what you think about them! i was fond of them at some point but grew out of it. good luck with memorizing enhypen! it took me a while to distinguish to people there XD i haven't checked out kard yet but chan plays their songs during lives and they're sexc hype music me likey *u*

i had to look up rsv im sorry. i'm glad you're recovering! please rest more and don't stress yourself out. bro i wish i could go to therapy too bc i have weird issues i can't justify and i need a professional to tell me what's the reason behind it. stuck with what condition btw? what happened? i'm sorry in case i just forgot. yesterday was a bit rainy for me too :(( it's not the type of rainy that makes me anxious so B) oh concert! good luck and i hope you'll be able to sing but i also don't think it's best for you rn :c what's your dog's breed? and yes i just finished drinking tea too. AAAAA i miss school dances :(( the last one i was supposed to have was cancelled bc of covid.

i was less productive today and i'm teetering between being mentally stable and becoming a hermit again. i'm anxious with a lot of things atm so like : D not the best state. today it was a bit sunny but not hot hot which was nice. i changed my theme today bc i couldn't wait for sept. 1st. and no i haven't found anything that makes me happy HAHAHA shit like that's hard to identify. don't have anything to say too, i'm just thinking about why i'm procrastinating too much atm T_T and i'm listening to this rap song atm and one of the rappers sounded like han.

it isn't annoying! i enjoy the long exchanges but i do admit it takes me awhile to type down a reply. so if i get more busy, it'll prolly take a bit longer for me to reply.

#toff.asks #wild anon 🐺

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swordmaid · 3 years

Text

creator tag meme

tagged by the local angel @giuseppearcimboldo thank you so much lizzie!

rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (ish) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

VERY happy i can fill this out because i’ve been so productive this year lol. also this is all gonna be jb bc ive been RELENTLESS and spamming and i would apologize but i wont lmao

1. jb eros/psyche au.

i am talking about everything i have done for the au btw, because i’ve done quite a handful of things and honestly i really love all of them--even the doodle ones which rarely happens. anyway, i love this au in general. i think the tale is perfect for them, and i’m happy with the works that i managed to put out most esp this one that’s based on canova’s sculpture of eros and psyche. translating sculpture into digital art was interesting since it was all about converting the weight and structure of the sculpture into the screen and i think i managed to do it imo! i love how brienne looks heavy in his arms, i love how strong jaime looks holding her up and i especially love the way i shaded her dress to mimic the lines that the statue has. all in all, this au slapped and i actually want to do more of it but i have no inspiration right now.

2. jb as classical art series.

honestly i never thought that this was going to be a series lol i thought it was just a two time thing, but then i did another one, and then another one, and then another one and now here we are. i love all the pieces that i’ve done for it actually. my favourite thing is that they’re all not direct translations of the original art. there are some aspects that i’ve taken and adapted while also putting my own flair into it. i love the reverse colour scheme with klimt’s kiss and my own rendition of it. the gold being the accent highlight in a field of murky brown/black whereas klimt has the black squares present to emphasis the richness of the gold and yellows. i also like the little thing i did where i put the geometric shapes outside of the subject instead of inside (what he did). i put on the tags that i didnt like how it turned out but i actually like it lol i just didn’t like how long it took me i get too impatient with my art i think. anyway. i love this whole series sm i think all the pieces have their own character, and tbh i always get nervous adding another piece into this just because all the ones that i’ve done has been so well received i don’t want to be a disappointment lool. regardless, i love classical art and i love jb and i love being able to put the two together hehe we love to be self indulgent

3. la belle fleur sauvage commission.

aka THIS commission that was based from SD’s fic, la belle fleur sauvage. some behind the scenes with that one--that one took me SO long to do, like it was taking longer than i had wanted and i felt very bad and i am forever thankful for sd’s patience 😭😭😭. i really can’t be too mad though since i was working on the third year of my degree, but i still would’ve wanted to finish it sooner than i did. but as for the art itself---i actually love it lol. i always say to zoom in on my stuff to see all the details but i WISH folks would zoom in on that because it’s so big and so intricate. i love how everything turned out; i love how rich the colours are, i love the composition for all three panels, i love how the SKY looked like actually that’s the first time i sat down and painted clouds with that technique and i am so happy and pleased with how it looked im using it for everything LOL, i love jaime’s outfit in the 2nd panel---i actually designed a whole outfit for that and he DOES have his pouches and daggers, etc. stuff that he would have with him if he was a mercenary, but because of the cropping, those details were taken out but it’s THERE. i love the colours and the shading on the 3rd panel. it looks so soft and romantic and it’s everything 😭😭. honestly i didnt know if i was able to finish whole three panels just because of how big the project seemed, but tbqh this piece really pushed me as an artist and im really happy that i had the chance to work on it (-’:

4. early morning.

this one is a more recent piece and i was thinking post canon jaime/brienne married and either living in casterly rock or evenfall hall. originally the sheets were gonna be red with the gold brocade but i just made it green to make their location more ambiguous. they’re in a castle because of the finery, but which castle i have no idea. anyway i love their faces here in particular--jaime because it’s not often that i draw him old (this is the second time i drew old jaime i think?) and i love how he turned out here. i love how he looks like a silver fox and a dilf and we really do love that for brienne. full disclosure, i have no idea how to draw older folks since i don’t have a lot of practice in that area so im glad my lack of experience doesn’t show lmao. i also love how soft brienne looks here! the little smile on her lips is very sweet, her body language and how relax she seems is very telling abt her confidence in this scene also i think i drew her hands hella well haha. all in all i think it’s a really sweet art! and the full version is not so bad either jaime’s ass was referenced from marble sculptures so you know im aiming for Quality. but i love this headcanon of a younger brienne tiring jaime out, i’ve read a handful fics about it and im happy i can do my own version of it hehe

5. unravel.

wow we love domesticity. someone said that if you compile all my ns*w art of them together it’s like they haven’t left their bed ever since they got together and you know what? love that for them it’s what they deserve. anyway i chose this one because of how sensual and simple it is. their body language really does all the talking ; jaime’s hand pulling on the ties on her shift, her hand on his hair, how soft and lazy their kiss looks--it’s enough to tell the story me thinks! i just love how simple this whole thing is but it’s very effective. there’s really not much to it besides what you see but that’s really enough.

i am actually very proud of myself with how productive i’ve been. it’s really not often that i get as much drive and energy to post so much art. iirc my art tag is nearly 200 content already (i think it’s 180 ish rn?) and honestly that’s a LOT if you told me ill be making more than 100+ content for jb i would’ve been like nah im too lazy for that lmao. but im really proud of myself this year! i think i pushed myself as an artist and i’ve familiarized myself more with my strengths as well as my weaknesses. i have a clear idea on the areas that i need to work on, and i’ve really gotten more comfortable with being happy with my own pieces and i’m trying not to put myself down more if something doesn’t go the way i want it to. also, i’ve had the opportunity to work with more people this year--so for the people who has commissioned me or IS commissioning me rn--- thank you so much for trusting me with your visions 😭😭 ive never expected to get this kind of reception with my art but i am very grateful for all of it.

anyway as for the tagging i tag -- @na-bruma-leve / @dreadwulf / @dilfjaime / @fawnilu BUT i would highly recommend you to come along and snatch this tag meme up like a little raccoon because we all should start being proud of our own works imo !!

#long post /#this whole ass essay is me gushing about myself how gemini can i be

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muwur · 4 years

Note

idk if this counts as an emergency or comfort request but ive been havin a REAL bad body image week nsnnnsnnnsnn could i maybe request headcanons for either oikawa or kuroo (u can pick if u wanna) with an s/o who is rlly self conscious about being chubby/has a really hard time with food and mayb feels like worthless because theyre not the ideal body type? idk sorry if thats dumb aaaah thank u sm if u choose to do this

self-love

♡ scenarios ♡ for oikawa and kuroo

❧ gn reader

✎ 3.7k words

a/n: hey hun, im sorry to hear you’ve been having a rough time lately. this kind of request actually rlly hits close to home, and if u ever need anything, ur mor than welcome to reach out to me :) i can also help look for resources for help, anything really. this goes for all y’all! i dont want none y’all to feel alone with anything ur going thru cuz we’re in this together! and no need to thank me, the pleasure is mine luv 🥰💕 nothing about this is dumb, ur feelings are valid. i hope this will bring you n many others some comfort. also,, FUCK BODY STANDARDS MAKIN US BELIEVE THERE’S AN IDEAL TYPE BC THERE IS NONE N Y’ALL R BEAUTIFUL N IF U DUN THINK SO I WILL COME OVER DER,,, ok im done 🥰🥰 (more notes at the bottom of this, i talk a lot n think its important, didnt wanna add it up here bc it was too long lolol) tw: mentions of bad body and implies disordered eating behaviors

oikawa

♡ Oikawa was pretty keen, so when he observed a gradual shift in your behavior, he definitely took notice

♡ One day when you showed up to lunchtime empty-handed and sat with your two friends, casually chatting, Oikawa and Iwaizumi gave you a questioning look

♡ “Where’s your lunch, y/n?” Oikawa asked

♡ “Oh, I, uh, ate it already, actually.”

♡ Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow and offered you some of his, but you declined, thanking him and stating you were already full

♡ Later that day in class, however, Oikawa couldn’t help but notice the absence of your boxed lunch container in your unzipped backpack

♡ The next day, you came empty-handed again, blaming it on your forgetfulness during your rush to get to school

♡ However, it became a normal occurrence over time, and while you seemed fine, uneasiness began to prick inside Oikawa’s stomach

♡ Those smiles you wore appeared fragile, and the laughter that rumbled from your throat felt restrained

♡ You seemed more tired and unfocused than usual

♡ Preoccupied, withdrawn, and distant

♡ He could sense something was bothering you, no matter how much you may (or may not) have tried to hide it

♡ On his way to school one morning, he made sure to stop by a convenience store to pick one of your favorite snacks, thinking it was a simple gesture to brighten up the somber aura he’s been detecting from you

♡ “I have a surprise for you, y/n~” Oikawa announced with excitement, rummaging through his bag to pull out the snack and show it to you. “Look, it’s your favorite!”

♡ You could only offer him an uneasy smile, “Oh, you shouldn’t have...” You really shouldn’t have...

♡ When he noticed the tension in your body and expression, a frown appeared on his lips

♡ “Y/n? Is something wrong?” He reached out to place a comforting hand on your shoulder but you swiftly flinched away

♡ ”I’m fine..!”

♡ Surprised at your sudden movement and outburst, you both felt a split second of apprehension crackle in the air before you started to gather your items in a rush

♡ Sighing, you repeated, “I’m fine.”

♡ He wasn’t sure whether you were speaking to him or yourself

♡ “Thanks for the snack, but I’ll pass. Have it for me. You need it more, anyways; you have volleyball practice. I’ll see you tomorrow, Oikawa,” you offered him a solemn smile and left before he could even reply

♡ Some time had passed before he could finally get you to open up to him

♡ And when you did, it crushed his heart to see how much your insecurities broke you

♡ It hurt to hear how low you thought about yourself; how you couldn’t see the beauty in your being; how you deemed food, your body, and yourself as your worst enemies

♡ Thus bringing you to the conclusion that maybe you’d be happy and like yourself if you could just give up that midday snack or your school lunch

♡ Even raincheck a cafe date you were supposed to have together

♡ Maybe also skip dinner, sometimes breakfast the next morning as well

♡ You could manage on just water

♡ Little sacrifices to shed some weight, feel better, and get closer to your ideal body goals

♡ You admitted, however, to questioning whether any of it was worth it

♡ The constant states of hunger, pain, and defeat you lived in

♡ Only to feel as though you were getting nowhere

♡ Oikawa was well aware of today’s beauty standards. I mean, he himself was often praised for his natural charm and beauty

♡ And you felt you could never reach that ideal

♡ “Oikawa, you’re too good for me.”

♡ His eyebrows knitted in concern as he lifted his right hand to caress your cheek softly. “And why do you say that?”

♡ Tears threatened to prick at your eyes. All you could was stare at the ground in silent shame

♡ When you still said nothing, he leaned in closer, his brown gaze softly pleading

♡ “Y/n, look at me.”

♡ When your eyes flickered up to meet his own, Oikawa asked, “You know I love you, right?”

♡ His question was met with a meek, “Yes.”

♡ From your clouded glaze, he could tell that you had a hard time believing in your own response

♡ “Do you know why?”

♡ But before you could respond, he was already answering his own question

♡ “Well...” he began, glancing up in thought and wearing a small smile

♡ “Something about you makes me want to be by your side. I love to see your smiles and hear your laughter, but I always want to be there to hold you when you’re crying and in pain.”

♡ “You’re supportive. You understand what I need, and I don’t always have to explain myself to you. You take your time with me and make me feel like I can be myself. Not many people have stuck around to actually get to know me. Because of that, you’ve never failed to make my day a little better with just your presence.”

♡ “You’re strong and caring. I can rely on you to have my back, and I hope I provide that same comfort to you as well.”

♡ “I love being able to lazy around with you or go on adventures and discover something new. It’s comfortable and exciting at the same time.”

♡ “Your hands feel like they were made to hold mine.”

♡ He reached down to squeeze your hand gently

♡ “Kissing you makes me forget about everything else on my mind. I can just live in the present with you.”

♡ He moved close and gave you a peck above your eyebrow

♡ “You make me want to work hard and be a better person. You help motivate me to try my best, and you never give up on me. Why would I ever give up on you?”

♡ “I learn something new with you everyday. Like right now, I realize that I’ve never met someone who could so easily make my heart race as they could make my heart break.”

♡ “When I look at you, all I can think about is how beautiful you are and how lucky I am to have you in my life as a partner and one of my best friends. Nobody else could fill the gaps within me the same way you do.”

♡ Leaning over to brush his lips against your forehead, he muttered, “I’m going to love every part of you, inside and out. You’re already my ideal. I couldn’t ask for anything more. I could go on about every detail on why I feel so strongly for you, but I’m here to show you everything there is to appreciate about yourself because you’re worth every ounce of care and effort. And if you can’t see it in yourself right now, I’ll love you more than enough for the both of us until you learn to love yourself. I’m here to help.”

♡ And after crying out your tears into his shoulder as he held you close and rubbed your back, you both went to his house to relax and have some dinner

♡ He was patient with you, taking into account how having a meal may have made you feel anxious

♡ It was something small and simple that you two agreed to prepare and share, after some tender coaxing from Oikawa

♡ He later made a list in his journal about tips to keep in mind:

♡ ‘Check up on y/n often to see how they’re feeling’

♡ ‘Encourage them to eat meals/snacks. Don’t be too pushy, but be patient. Try to have eat with them when you can!’

♡ ‘Remind them they don’t have to earn the right to eat, and that their body doesn’t define their worth‘

♡ ‘Look into some mindfulness techniques!’

♡ ‘Don’t overvalue physical appearance. Also focus on all the other redeeming qualities y/n has! But of course I’m always gonna tell them they look cutee--’

♡ True to his word, he remained understanding

♡ He’s there to listen to you, or to sit with you in comforting silence

♡ During lunch he would share his food with you, reassuring you that it wasn’t something you had to avoid

♡ Some days he succeeds in encouraging you to share a milk bun or your favorite snack with him

♡ And on days you really didn’t feel like it, he never forces anything onto you and instead made sure you at least hydrated

♡ Oikawa spends some time doing research and gathering tips on how to help you

♡ Always reminds you of your worth and how you bring out the best in him

♡ He’ll never hold it against you if you ever become hostile, irritated, or in denial. He knows you’re hurting and doesn’t take it personally

♡ Sends you cute memes with all those emoji hearts

♡ Also some food puns (Oikawa: “I’m soy into you. Please brie mine. We are mint to be. I ap-peach-iate you. You got a pizza my heart. Olive you--” ; You: *puts a hand over his mouth* ; Oikawa: 🥺 ; You: “...olive you, too”)

♡ Always ready to give up what he’s doing to make sure you’re okay

♡ Will stay up with you late at night to talk on the phone

♡ Reminds you you’re beautiful at least 8 times a day

♡ If y’all ever go shopping and you try things on in the fitting room,, Oikawa would be your #1 hype man

♡ One time you tried something on, and you were almost too ashamed to step out and show him

♡ But when you did, you were met with his surprise and excitement

♡ “dfghjklkuyfuh” was all you could process from his incoherent speech before he insisted on treating you by purchasing it for you (Oikawa: “Can you wear this for me, like, everyday?” ; You: *weird look* “Why are you like this??” you love it tho--)

♡ Gushes internally over how cute you are during your movie + cuddle sessions, mostly pays attention to you rather than the movie

♡ Mid-movie be like:

♡ Oikawa: “So, uh, what’s happening again?

♡ You: -.- “You might as well google the whole synopsis instead of watching it”

♡ Oikawa: “...it’s not my fault you’re distracting, babe”

♡ Always politely excuses himself from his fangirls to get to you. Also reassures you he much prefers to be with you than anyone else and that you’re the best catch ;)) (You: “Oikawa, no” ; Oikawa: “y/n, yes”)

♡ Suggested doing some meditation together once

♡ You listened to a recording and you sat side by side on a mat, but Oikawa thought the person’s voice sounded funny so he had a hard time focusing

♡ But it ended with y’all laughing and making jokes as he lay his lead on your lap and you played with his hair

♡ Y’all get better at it tho

♡ Cooking dates! To try to show you that food isn’t an enemy and can bring people together :)

♡ Puts music on so y’all can jam together (Oikawa: “Oh my gosh, y/n, this is my favorite song, you’re not even rEADY to see me perform-- ; You: “Oikawa, t-the food! It’s burning!!”)

♡ Cooking dates also show that you should never leave the stove unattended

♡ Every once in a while he suggests seeking professional help. He wishes he could take away your pain and help you all his own, but he knows this is more complicated and required outside help, too

♡ Has help resources READY

♡ As well as small snacks like granola bars for you if you ever feel faint

♡ He doesn’t hesitate to confront you when he feels it’s necessary and he’s worried about your habits

♡ He handles things well, though, and often convinces you to take care of yourself more, even though he’s there to look after you

♡ Has made it his mission to help you win against your battle with insecurities

♡ Overall, he’s very caring and empathetic, hoping one day you’ll see yourself the way he sees you 💖 : strong, amazing, breathtaking, & perfectly imperfect

kuroo

♡ Occasionally, you would think about the day you broke down in front of him

♡ Your body racked with repressed whimpers as you tried to wipe the tears from your eyes and describe the recent state of your mind through choked sobs

♡ Lately, your thoughts were being especially relentless in making you feel miserable

♡ Oftentimes you’d be able to shove the negative thoughts to the back of your mind and carry on your day as usual, expertly acting as though everything in your life was going smoothly

♡ However, you found yourself fighting a losing battle against your own conscious, heavily preoccupied with thoughts of your own worthlessness

♡ And so you tried to cope

♡ But you were painfully aware of everything you felt was wrong with you

♡ You felt uncomfortable in your skin

♡ Every time you passed by your own reflection, you couldn’t help but mentally recoil at the image looking back at you

♡ Your clothes didn’t fit right

♡ Even when you opted for baggy clothes, you felt like you were taking up all the space in them

♡ Maybe it was the weight gain. You could see and feel it in your face, your arms, your stomach, your legs... everywhere

♡ You just wanted to hide away your shame

♡ Perhaps it was the dessert you allowed yourself to eat the other day. Foolish of you to think then that you wouldn’t regret it as much as you did afterwards

♡ As a consequence of those foolish actions, you made mental notes about anything and everything you ate. What it was, how much of it you had, etc

♡ Trying to restrict so that maybe you would lose some weight and come to like how you look

♡ Your obsessive thoughts of food and weight overtook your mind like a dark cloud

♡ Your favorite foods, which before would never fail to brighten your mood, taunted you with shame and guilt

♡ Exercise? Sometimes it was an activity you genuinely enjoyed. Other times, a chore that made you feel shitty or numb and reinforced your unhealthy desire to lose

♡ And you sometimes found yourself crying over your last meal, one you know you didn’t need. One you didn’t deserve

♡ And each time you released the reins on your self-control, you felt pathetic going against the vow you made to yourself

♡ At this rate, you’d never be beautiful or be happy with yourself

-You’d remain unworthy, fat, disgusting--

-But before you could continue, your story was cut off by the impact of Kuroo’s embrace

-Your surprise silenced your sobs, and you could only stare wide-eyed at the space in front of you as you felt his arms squeeze tightly around your frame

-You both sat there for a few moments on your knees, with your back lightly leaning against a wall

- “I’m sorry for the pain you’re experiencing,” he begins softly. “Thank you for sharing with me. It must’ve taken a lot for you to do that.”

-He was right. It was your first time reaching out to another person about this. It was the last thing you thought you would’ve done today

- “I want to let you know that you shouldn’t be ashamed for feeling this way. Reaching out is important and brings you the help you need to get better. I know you might not want help right now or think that these thoughts and behaviors are a problem. However, telling me about all this shows that some part of you is recognizing there’s something wrong and you can’t always handle it on your own.”

-There were many reasons you kept this to yourself. You didn’t want to bother anyone else. Your problems seemed so trivial. You worried saying them aloud would confirm your beliefs. You were scared people would see you differently. You--

-The intrusive thoughts never failed to make you feel ashamed

-However, it was oddly comforting to release the pent up emotions. To know you didn’t have to bottle up this burden anymore, and that you weren’t alone

-You were about to murmur in response when,

- “Also, you’re an idiot, y/n.”

- “Wow, thanks, as if I don’t already think that about myself,” you bit back in response

-You were about to shove him away just when he released his grip around your body and placed his hands on your shoulders

-His eyes shone with determination and a faint, inviting smile spread on his lips

- “You are the one of the single most important things in my life. I just mean you’re an idiot in the sense that you’re overevaluating one aspect to define your whole self. You’ve forgotten about all your other redeeming qualities that contribute to who you are.”

♡ “Your size, weight, shape; none of that matters. What matters is your health and happiness. Neglecting yourself in order to reach an ‘ideal’ that you’ve concluded is the answer to your self-worth is only bringing you farther away from what you truly want.”

♡ “I don’t mean to downplay any of your emotions or how significant this is to you. Your first step was to put your trust into someone else about this. That’s done. Now, I’m here to help you undergo self-evaluation and serve as encouragement on your journey to self-love and acceptance.”

♡ “I also want to remind you progress is not linear. There will be times when things are harder, and that’s okay; it’s part of the process. If you’re open to getting better in the future, I’m sure as hell going to be there every step of the way.”

♡ And with a soft peck to the forehead and another hug, he nuzzled into your neck and muttered, “I love you. And I want you to love yourself. So, please, allow me to help you through this and I guarantee that by the end of it all, it’ll have been so worth it.”

♡ Unsure what to say, you gripped his jacket tighter, buried your head in his shoulder, and muttered, “Thank you.”

♡ While the negative feelings about yourself remained afterward, you were relieved that your boyfriend was supportive and calm

♡ He treated you the same as always, teasing you over dumb things while making you feel like you stood among the highest peaks on Earth

♡ The day after, he had shown up to your house, weary-eyed and carrying his backpack

♡ “Kuroo? Why are you here? Also, why do you look so tired??”

♡ He stepped into your house with a yawn. He stretched his arms, then reached for his bag and whipped out his laptop

♡ “I stayed up a bit last night to do some research, babe! I also learned a lot about nutrition and molecular gastronomy, so I could help you come up with a meal plan that you’re okay with!”

♡ You were touched he was educating himself on how to help you

♡ But you drew the line at the science jokes-- (Kuroo: “You know you love them.” ; You: “‘Na’ I don’t.” ; Kuroo: :ooo “Did you just-- Marry me.”) (Na = sodium lol)

♡ His nutritional research helped you to learn the contents of food beyond calories; mans explains the vitamins, nutrients, amino acids, etc in them that you need and their benefits

♡ “Trout, avocados, and almonds have vitamin E, which is good for your skin! Oh, and don’t get me started on bananas. Yes, they have carbs (which your body needs anyway as a source of energy!), but POTASSIUM?? Shit’s gonna regulate your fluid balance, maintain heart health, stimulate normal muscle function, AND help your brain to communicate with the rest of your body!”

♡ ALSO cooking dates; just as chaotic (“Aw mannn, the egg exploded all over the microwave!” dont ask y it was being microwaved)

♡ Over time, he’s taken mental notes about your thoughts, feelings, triggers, etc

♡ He’s quick to pick up on your mood and will always ask you how you’re doing

♡ Tries to do something special for you on days you’re especially not feeling well, like taking you on a spontaneous date! (You: “Do you know how to ice skate?” ; Kuroo: “Uhh,,, after today, I will hopefully”)

♡ But will also opt for staying in with you and cuddling when you don’t want to go out (Kuroo: “I heard this movie is soooo bad! ...wanna watch it?”)

♡ Invited you to the beach with his team during the first week of summer

♡ You were unsure about this, since that meant going out in public, potentially with minimal clothing

♡ You initially sat on a beach towel under an umbrella, wearing the security of a T-shirt. He’d been aware of how you felt ever since he asked you to come, so he would sit with you and link an arm around your shoulder

♡ “I’m lucky I get to spend this day with you,” he’d say. “You look gorgeous. You always do. Now, I wanna see you smile and have fun. Let’s go take a dip, yeah?” He offered his hand, which you shyly took, and pulled you up

♡ Then immediately picked you up and started running to the water to get you soaking wet, and you were forced to ditch the heavy, waterlogged shirt

♡ However, you silently thanked him for his sweet words, making you feel secure enough to just forget your worries and enjoy the warm sun and cool water

♡ He also tries his best to lessen your anxieties over food and often shares/eats meals with you

♡ Reminds you everyday how much you’re worth to him and that there’s nothing about you that needs to change

♡ This sweet, protective, n smart boi will treat you how you deserve. It’s a guarantee he’ll be there through thick and thin, and he’s excited for the day you realize you’re just as amazing as he knows you are 💕

a/n: oop this was rlly long lol mb, i just may or may not personally know a bit about this so i went oFF

also neded to some som silly n fluff bc we all need dat

also, these r like kinda hc’s ?? but also a deconstructed oneshot/scenario?? bc they provide some rly brief bg story? one from more of the character perspective while the other more on y/n before we get to the hc’s about how he treats y/n. how everyone struggles w body image is different n i wanted to portray a bit of what it felt like and how it could manifest in ppl’s behaviors/thoughts. however, this is not to say that everyone feels exactly like this. what i wrote only represents a fraction of it all.

by providing some sort of bg i hope im not making u feel like this isnt u or that u cant relate, pls lmk if i need to change anything to make it right for u <3 ok now im actually done sry long author’s note rfguhofe this is just rlly important to me y’all , stay safe n take care, much luv for u <3

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu reader insert #haikyuu x reader angst #oikawa x reader #kuroo x reader #oikawa tooru #kuroo tetsurou #haikyuu x reader fluff #tw

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slightlymore · 4 years

Note

Dood I love NCT Sm I rly jus wanna come up to them n educate them all abt Cultural Appropriation so they don’t repeat the same mistakes over n over again. I can’t stand seeing the hate they receive for stuff they do that they possibly DK the significance of 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

long post

although we don't know if they actually know it or not, I think they're smarter than doing ca knowing it's offensive on broadcasts on purpose, like you have to be an absolute idiot (maybe they are at this point idk)

also, it's obviously not fans' duty to keep educate them and I've seen a lot of discourse of people being rightfully tired of keep doing so. but at the same time, it's worth mentioning that a lot of international discourse hardly gets to their ears anyways. there was the wondering as to why sm is so quick to react when less important stuff happens but it won't react with ca even if many people email them about the matter. my answer is that sm as a general company will not take into consideration elements that are not directly impacting their name or the name of their artists in korea. for example, no one in korea probably knows about the ca issues and if they know because they've seen it on Twitter they don't care to spread the word. unless it's something huge when everyone talks about it (and from our perspective ca is huge but still, just some people are talking about it on Twitter, it's not on the trendings in korea) then sm will not make a statement because they think it's useless and it will only get them negative attention (in my opinion, sm will get positive attention if they apologize or make a statement because it will make them look aware, educated and responsible but that’s just my opinion).

you'd think that since sm is expanding a lot overseas it would be more careful to take into consideration every culture and every country's opinion but it's not true.

at the same time, even if they don't care as a company to educate their artists and even if they're assholes (idols legit receive an education as in "if you date we will cut your balls" so I don't think it's hard for sm to do a workshop once a year and have a person explain ca to them or get the idol and say “yo, what you did is shit, stop”) since they're business people at least they should care about the money they would lose if they keep acting poorly. their money still comes from fans and if fans turn their backs to them they won't have it anymore.

idols could definitely educate themselves without companies stepping in but I think if the general korean public started to get educated first so international voices can be heard and spread by everyone then it will definitely help a lot

to give you an example, I live in Italy which can be seen as a cultured country when it comes to social issues, yet no one knows about the Indian dance moves, using black hairstyles if you're not black, calling roma people slurs, even all types of slurs going around. I personally know about it because I live on the internet and I speak English, but the average Italian person has no idea about it, no one talks about it ever. of course some of them will not give a fuck after you educate them but most of them after I say "hey this is why you should not do this because of this reason" they will stop and say that they had no idea. my mom was shocked to hear about black people not getting jobs or getting made fun of because they have natural hair and her rightful question was "why would they be denied work because of that?" because no one here really knows about other cultures' struggles if they're not actively spending a lot of time studying about it.

this is absolutely not to justify the lack of education koreans have as a population, but it’s still an element worth mentioning. if idols keep doing shit im inclined to say that maybe they don’t care about it (very dangerous take for them if they want to keep their reputations intact so it’s probably not the case) or they legit still don’t know about it which to us sounds absurd but I am a international relationships graduate and there’s still so much about the world I have no idea about and i am learning everyday.

people like taeyong, although i have no fucking clue how he really is irl, will probably listen and understand fans’ concerns, especially him. and i can’t imagine him knowing about it and not giving a single damn. i also wish there were easier ways to make them understand certain things.

I will end this long ass post by also mentioning how i think it’s very offensive and rude the way fandoms use social issues to feed into their wars and honestly it makes me boil with anger. everytime there’s something going on, i see the “yeah but your faves did this and this” or the first to act upon an issue is the “rival” fandom just because they finally have something to shit on the other group about. most of the people ive seen lamenting about ca are people that have no reason to feel offended about said thing but they just jump on the hate wagon because they generally hate a certain group. ca and other sensitive topics should not be the object of petty conflicts. people are appropriating someone else’s pain for their own stupid use instead of being mature and responsible people

#ask

10 notes · View notes

jvuhn · 3 years

Text

Olivia

Christmas party.

“Can’t even look at you”

Moksha.

Hongkong side restaurant.

“May charger ka ba.. paubos na battery ko paheram. Ilan pa percentage? 40. Tagal pa yan. Kailangan ko para makauwi ako.. but I wanted to take you home”

Australia.

“Uy, Note 9. Gaya gaya ng phone forever”

Treehouse 1.

Japan.

Ice eye drop.

Cigs from japan.

Asking to what to wear for formal event coat and tie.

Went to you after the formal event and you saw me in my formal attire.

Drive by to one stick. Our usual YB spot.

Yii dashcam.

"I need to pick up my litol brader is it okay if we use the h1 for picking him and his friends? Yeah. (Wow shes not picky with my anti date car) listen to this *plays alive acoustic by kruwella* she likes the SQ set up of h1"

Alive.

Uptown katip.

Drive the car while in the nail spa because no parking.

Happy glass game while waiting at NKTI.

Been you.

Getting you drunk.

Buffalo wings.

Mint chocolate shake.

My secret romance.

Terius.

Jedspeed.

That night before leaving the country april 25 "close your eyes".

Treehouse 2 when i followed early in the morning and convoyed you back home.

Greenhills to get your laptop fixed.

“You are one unique Pokemon that I will never let go”

Accompanying you to NKTI East Ave and De Los Santos Hospital.

Talk about your work and achievements (always so proud of you) and personal stuff.

Beerpong always trying to get you drunk.

Blade timog.

Sudden carwash cause you bought rain repellant and mits.

Korea.

May 30 always that date.

Santolan Town Center.

Aladdin.

Scouts honor.

“Hinahanap ako ni Mommy”

Classified kitchen.

“Alam ko kung sino kasama mo manuod ng aladdin”

Greenhills to buy Nord.

Lg2.

Prologue.

Magnolia.

Ramen nagi.

Black Scoop.

Botejyu.

Plant errands at taguig.

Japanese restaurant near fantastic baka.

Tipsy pig timog you so so drunk and drunk driving at its finest.

Netflix series and movies with food and drinks of course.

Mr. Kebab.

Greenhills.

BLK 513.

Potato corner.

Evade K and D. 😂

Army navy.

Lam tin tea.

Caliburn.

Premium Strawberry Juice.

Going to makati to pick you up with bea.

Makati shortcuts.

Goto tendon.

"Bea saying that ive changed and you got kilig"

Fat russells.

Karaoke singing our lungs and hearts out.

Car matting at areneta ave.

Car matting at west avenue for altis.

Banawe.

Bosch europa.

Powertorq.

Change oil.

"Lets drive thru mcdonalds im hungry. Stuck in traffic eating mcdonalds and singing in the car"

Antipolo.

Led lights ph.

Romeos.

Car errands you sleeping in of course or out of nowhere wants to clean the car or we were so tired from all the errands so i fell asleep on you.

Vv9736.

"She got 3rd wheel with her little bro and his girlfriend. The little bro and girlfriend are making "harot" while stuck in traffic. She told me she wants that too so our next date we got harot" haha

Francos baptism.

Your cooked meal Bangus and rice.

"May dala siyang mango. Gusto ko siya ang gwapo pa".

"Gym".

Citadine.

Moa.

LANY.

Moscato yellow tail.

"Pano ka maglinis ng face? Parang carpenter".

Here with me.

Makati shortcuts.

Sm north.

Archery bullseye.

BTS.

BTS Keychain.

Vertis.

Wangfu.

Daiso.

Bbq popcorn.

John wick 3.

Korea.

Batman Keychain from Korea.

Buen comer.

Trinoma.

King chef banawe.

Shangrila.

Movie bench.

Kissing booth.

Nomiya izakaya with winona.

Canada.

Sleeping early in the morning to getting sleepy at 930-1030 to falling asleep. 3 days live in.

Ooma.

Fat Cousin.

Maginhawa.

3 days Live In.

“Ang bilis kung galing sa bahay mo papuntang Makati”

“thank you for waking up early”

“Ang ganda ng rain shower”

Songdowon.

Vinci X.

Our send a selfie everyday cause we just couldnt get enough of each other.

Nicos birthday.

Aki.

Gabs birthday.

House renovation.

"When the house is done ill invite you over".

Hair color "take a picture of me..my hair".

Your spa date with tris then off to capitol commons.

Tipsy pig capitol commons.

I need you right now.

Our not so christmas.

Christmas at Josh.

Last tambay at Josh.

New year.

Omni.

Diffuser na napaka bango.

Towel.

From everyday to weekly.

Helping me study.

Going to clark.

Veterans army restaurant delivery.

Simulator at my laptop and saying im here na.

Surprise visits.

Starbucks mindanao.

"Did you miss us going roadtrip and have no where to go"

Dampa seafood grill tomas.

Aegis Boost.

Tristel house tambay.

Roses delivery.

Valentines at your place.

To all the boys.

"Can we make this last?" - 2/14/20

"Im starting to like someone else"

Billie not biting me.

Polo.

Maxie.

The family.

Pancake house.

Cube gilmore for computer chair.

Singing in the car.

Doing netflix and chill.

Mang juan.

Lockdown.

Mangobravo.

Birthday.

Massaging machine.

Korean zombie movie.

Video call while watching.

Kingdom the zombie series.

On a break pause.

World war z.

The sims.

April 11.

Still lockdown.

Aegis Boost (replacement)

Chill at your house.

The King.

Falling asleep while watching.

Never have i ever.

To all the boys i loved before.

Julie And The Phantoms.

SM Sucat.

“Sino yang gagong nakaharang sa kotse natin”

Half saints.

Yoshimeatsu at BF Paranaque.

Grab food since no dine ins outside.

Chicken chingu our favorite.

Gout food.

Araneta ave for visit.

Banawe.

Winona.

Santolan town plaza.

Moved to other spot since you guys dont like barcino.

Mclarens.

Musicroom after with Winona.

BTS online concert.

Drag S.

Trying Tsiklet and Mango Grapes.

Bulacan.

Con.

Rustic mornings.

Golf Driving Range.

Ortigas to BGC real quick.

Popeyes.

Arcovia.

Make hatid bea.

Christmas.

Gc3 auto lounge.

Jico’s despidida.

Yoos Korean BBQ at Pearl Drive

“Wag mokong ingittin sa S21 mo. Magaaway tayo”

Computer building.

Valentines at Clark Noreng Chicken at Friendship because you don’t like to eat at JunJuns then went to Subic to meet up with Gian? your friend.

Harbor Point.

Starbucks.

Cafe Espresso.

“Picturan mo kami habang naglalakad ung candid ah”

Greenstreet.

Pho Hoa.

Pet shop supplies.

Woofpack.mnl.

Harley.

Cartimar.

PET ALLEY.

Shima Japanese at BF Paranaque.

Plant shopping.

"Iba nanaman kotse niya".

Batman cake.

Letters.

“My Future Pilot”

Portable vacuum.

Space sweepers.

Air Double bed.

Baby pictures.

Deodorant Mall Hopping.

Tagaytay.

Josh.

Lunch under the sky.

Carwash.

Convoy to Tagaytay Highlands non-stop screaming and this is not your car.

Tagaytay Highlands.

Jurassic Park Cake cause you said you wanted a Jurassic Park Cake.

I remembered us when I watched Kissing Booth 3 a while ago. I know I may not the be perfect boyfriend to you I have flaws that makes you jump off or made you let go of us for how many times already but you always give me the last decision for us. I’m regretting my decision and I’m missing you.. missing us.

Remember you always tell me that we are destined to be with each other that we have this invisible string thats linked to the two of us that whatever happens we will always find our way back to each other.

I hate myself for losing you.

0 notes

sukisdeliveryservice · 3 years

Note

hi ash! sorry that im a little late, ive been a bit preoccupied these few days, but im glad you like talking to me :D i rly like talking to you too <3 i appreciate that you put so much effort into answering everything T-T i do have discord actually! id love to continue talking over there after this :D also this is crazy long so dont rush yourself sjhdjdjd

if you want any nct music recs in the future you can come to me 😌 i really love hello future!! i say this about every title track during every comeback but its really my favourite one right now!

YOU PLAYED DRUMS?? thats so cool :O ive always found drummers rly attractive sjshjehdjsh

the have i evers :

i have never! been to a concert, ive just never had the chance :/

i have! sneaked out, but it was with the help of my mum where my dad didn't know lmao ehejenjdhen

i have! gone through both a one direction and bts phase. 1D came first and it lasted for almost half a year i believe? and i discovered bts in 2018 thanks to my friend, but i started exploring and eventually drifted apart from them in early 2020. jungkook still has a special place in my heart tho :))

i have! had a irl crush actually :'D he actually knew i liked him but did nothing at all and we remained pretty good friends, but he stopped talking to me about over a year ago, and i lowkey don't wanna admit it but i miss him sometimes :')

i have! pets. i have 3 dogs and a cat currently, and i have 6 other unofficial dogs and a idk how many fish which are at my grandma's side :DD

i have! performed in front of a crowd, i was in a storytelling competition when i was 9 and 10, and then i learned to play the erhu when i was 12 and performed a few times :))

i have! fic wise, i also love by-moonflowers fics sm! T^T i read her tokyo ghoul au and i actually didn't have a clue what tokyo ghoul was, i looked it up on wikipedia before reading it djbfkdhdjd and her exes confront each other series was really amazing too. and im rambling but her jeonghan magic au, all the stars we steal, that was probably the first fic of her's i read and it hit something in me and i really wish i could read it again like it was the first time 😔 i really loved it sm. book wise, i will never forget jodi picoult's small great things. and also like any book reader, ps. i love you is definitely a favourite of mine :') it was so touching and i just genuinely really love that story.

i have! there's quite a lot of moments like that, but this one where i went on vacation in the mountains? we stayed at a very nice place. on the first day i was really tired so i slept til the evening, and when i woke up it was drizzling and there's was quite a breeze, so i sat in front of the open door of my room. in front was a swimming pool so i just put on some music and watched the rain drop into the pool. it was the most relaxed i had felt in a while and i wish i could go back :')

i would say i have! when we can talk anon off i'll tell you which one, but i really enjoyed writing this one drabble/oneshot and im glad other people seemed to like it as well :DD

and ofc i have! i met seventeen when i was pretty down, and i treasure them the most now. they helped me through a lot and really changed me and im really grateful to them

i wanna know your answers to these too! so, have you ever

been to a place/been in a particular mood after a specific event that you wanted to stay in forever?

written a piece of work that sparked energy within your fingertips?

met a person/have someone in your life who you now just treasure so deeply?

the next mission is out dkhdkdhfj but i'll continue for now, would you rather (pls dont hate me after this)

only listen to seventeen or txt forever

spend a week with soobin or chan

only eat bingsu or only watch 1 studio ghibli films for the rest of your life

sign with sm or yg or jyp

know how to play every single instrument or speak language in the world

be a master at something you love (singing, dancing, writing, that kinda thing) or something unique (like having a photographic memory or like ice carving? or even mouth reading)

i also suddenly remembered, but knitting is also one of my many hobbies :D

- 💎 anon loves you and wishes you a good day!

you can reply whenever you are ready anon. it excites me that we've been having a steady back and forth but sometimes life happens and you should definitely prioritize any other responsibilities you have!! i'll always be here 😌 knitting is a fun hobby anon!! i used to do that and crochet a lot too ,,, i should get back to it. what do you make?

before i go ahead and answer these can i just say how much i love that you personalized it?? that really means a lot to me <3 anyways~ here we go!! when we get to turn off anon i would love to hear some nct recs!! most of my irl kpop friends ult them and i'd love to get to know more!! and discord would probably be the best way to share because the asks just get longer and longer LOL (i love them)

drums yes!! i've been told that i look like i'd play the piano instead bahaha but i think drums are pretty neat :3 i also saw this person ask huening kai about band txt and he said soobin would play the drums :O need i say more?

thank you for your answers!! we definitely gotta talk more about them once we can chat on discord!! i loved reading them and they were just so lovely <333 for the last 3:

i don't think so? i have yet to be in a moment where i am completely lost in the energy - but the closest i've been to that level of peace would be the late nights where i'm playing my favourite music and about to drift off to sleep. i feel almost content, and sometimes wish i could stay in my dreams forever :3

my very first fic!! flights and feelings - i was writing it on a whim at 2 am? and i wasn't planning on posting it until i did randomly and now i am a tumblr writer :O

seventeen like you said! i don't think i would have made it through the rest of high school without them, and as of now they've been one of the things keeping me going :)

the next mission is out owo playlist making do i see? anyways onto these first!! how dare you write these anon my head is SPINNING

only listen to seventeen or txt forever ...seventeen, they're my ults!! but also because they have more music released atm, we have yet to see the amazing things txt have planned!! i wouldn't be surprised if i start ulting txt in the future as well :3 i...bought 3 of their albums a few days ago

spend a week with soobin or chan // WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THIS ARE YOU TRYING TO GIVE ME A HEADACHE (moots please look away) soobin <3 i love them both very much but i think soobin and i will vibe more maybe it's my delusions THEY'RE BOTH MY ULTS and i'm scared of talking to both D: but soobin is slightly younger than chan so that's why i think he'd be easier to talk to T_T the thought of spending a week with soobin makes my head spin

only eat bingsu or only watch 1 studio ghibli films for the rest of your life // bingsu!! i would not mind that one bit :3

sign with sm or yg or jyp // as someone who is a terrible singer and dancer, i would not survive in either of these companies. however, under the assumption that i can do these things, i would say... jyp. i don't think there's an entertainment company that treats their idols completely right but out of these 3 i feel like i'd cry less in jyp. is kq entertainment an option? idk all the details but they seem to treat ateez okay, or maybe IU's company...again i don't know all the deets

know how to play every single instrument or speak language in the world // speak every language in the world!! it upsets me everyday that i'm not close to my culture because of this :(

be a master at something you love (singing, dancing, writing, that kinda thing) or something unique (like having a photographic memory or like ice carving? or even mouth reading) // i'd say maybe something unique!! it's kind of thrilling to always be looking for ways to improve on something you love <3 so i'd go with something unique...a photographic memory would be very helpful for studying!! but maybe i'd like to have a talent in making people smile!!

thank you for these questions anon!! i'm heading out to work now but i'd love to write you some more would you rathers later on :) i should have packed more questions into this reply but i really gotta go now sorry :( so instead just tell me how are you!! also i would like to know your answers to these ones!! you are very creative with these btw :3

which of your biases would you want to spend a week with?

what food would you be okay with eating for the rest of your life?

would you rather:

sign with sm, yg or jyp?

know how to play every single instrument or speak language in the world?

be a master at something you love or something unique?

#💎#have an amazing day as well anon!#i was supposed to answer this last night but uh...something came up #when i get to speak to you properly i may or may not enlighten you on what that was #its nothing than what you think it is LOL #love & letter 💌

0 notes

jooheongif · 6 years

Note

it's theory anon,hi!!how are YOU?i'm really good rn thanks:)) thank you for your kindness again,i'm really happy i could somehow help to help you feel even a tiny bit better and hope you're doing well now,too(and it's ok to not rest on your day off but it's also ok to do so if that's what you feel is right for you atm!).about the mf(ilm), i thought the same thing, it felt like a parallel universe type of story!i also really love plotlines about friendship, (again cont.i'll try to be briefer!)

(i’m so sorry i wrote a rly long reply so i’m gonna put this under read more !!)

2. friendship is beautiful and i feel oftentimes underappreciated(but not mx!there they go again being amazing) so i love the concept. personally i like not knowing what exactly the producers were thinking because having my own interpretation of something and seeing other ppl have their own fills me with wonder,like,that's art!so many people think so many different things and no one's wrong i love it!!your thoughts about them appreciating everything they've done so far,you're absolutely right(cont) 3. i hope they are able to bc everything's so hectic for the.i get lost just looking at their official schedule,i don't know how they do it but i also hope they are aware of all these things bc those are all mindblowingly huge accomplishments in my opinion and i just want them to feel like their hard work is worth it,yknow?(is this comprehensible?)and i know they feel pressure because as you said the business is nasty but yea i hope at the end of the day they can feel like (cont.???again 4. everything they've put so much of themselves into is worth it,i love their energy and fierce determination and i just don't want them to lose it but maybe as you said feel less pressured..but then the only way would realistically be to make sure they get awarded in the Real World so we're all doing our best in the system&hating it as you said:/ they just mean so much to so many people i want them to feel that too!i try to contain myself but here i go again! sorry it's so long AND i have more(con 5. also!thank you for your big reply and sharing your thoughts i mostly just agreed with (but you're right so what else can i do),i don't have mbb friends to vent to and fanperson(is there a gender neutral term for fanboy/fangirl?) over mx with and this is really nice and fulfilling(again,if i'm boring you,you can just delete the messages and not reply!) so THANKS!it's great to strive to be a better person but i feel like one(you) should also acknowledge the good things they're already doing(cont?) 6. you showed such pure kindness and really melted someone's(my) heart and that's a Big Deal!djkghddgwe can agree that we both inspired each other :') also please i feel like you're such a wonderful soul and you really deserve every bit of gratitude and appreciation i managed to express(i feel a lot moreprobably) so!yeah!reminder that you're lovely and deserve to be appreciated and i'm also very,very happy you're here!you made my day brighter for the 2nd time now wow!thanks! i hope you and(cont.:() 7. your gorgeous heart are taking good care and enjoying your day/night! and this cb!i really like it i haven't had time to listen to the entire album but jealousy!is a bop honestly it's my type of jam and the choreo is stunning and so are their voices!iwas so skeptical about the lyrics(they could've been like hero or stuck and those made me a bit >:/ honestly) but i really should've known they wouldn't fail me in any way ever!i can't wait to hear the rest of the songs i hope you enjoy them too!bye

hi theory anon, it's nice to hear from u again ! firstly, i am so sorry for the slow reply to this ! but im rly glad to know that u are doing good :-) i'm doing ok too thank u !! how are u ? kfjjfdsjfdf sorry that u had to read my tags but thank u for saying that !! i just feel so guilty when i do nothing bc im absolutely terrified of time passing too quickly ? just the thought of letting a few minutes go to waste is overwhelming ? even though i know it's not rational to think like this but ??? theres just this constant feeling that im running out of time so i try to get rid of it by always doing smth ?? and feel bad when i dont ? idk ?? but anyway im working on it and ill be ok ! sorry..not to be dramatic and tmi and all that kjdfdj istg this blog gives me too much freedom to say...too much :( (hope the internet folks that collect metadata never read the garbage i write bc..yikes they aren't gonna hav the best time) anyway..yea. what a paragraph to start off this reply :( sorry for the honesty and saying so much all the time btw :( not that being honest is necessarily a bad thing but ! idk every time i write smth i suddenly feel extra self conscious and feel like deleting it bc im rly embarrassed and always end up having big regret later when i reread anything ive typed up !! but i just keep writing them anyway bc...idk ?? i'd rly hate it if someone got discouraged from sharing their thoughts/worries/feelings which i think is a rly important human thing :( so yea im rly embarrassed w anything i write but i'll keep doing it anyway bc i'm all for that kind of stuff and sometimes i know its not easy and it takes someone a lot to share that and its a good thing and i dont ever want anyone to feel discouraged from doing that ! anyway i just felt like i rly needed to say all of this..but pls dont feel obliged to reply to this mess !! anyway back to mx ! you are right :( i also hope mx feel like what they've done is worth smth w/e their definition or standard of that is :( like.. all of the hard work they've put into being mx it certainly means so much to fans but i hope all the hard work they've put into being mx also means smth to them at the end of the day and they are happy w what they're doing and what they've achieved so far :( and yes we'd love mx to always be rewarded in the real world :( though we love them and we want to get them a win, i know that everyone has their commitments, means and different circumstances and we can only do so much :( but even if u think its just a small contribution, everything adds up and counts and i know that all mbb hav contributed in some way in helping them get another win for this cb ! there are some mbb who can't buy albums or streaming passes and things and i hope they don't feel bad for this :( even if all you can do is watch the mv once or twice, even if you could only vote, i hope you know that it all counts and matters !! abt mx's schedule, i get tired just by looking at their weekly one idk how they can even put up w it all ?? after this they'll hav their japanese album and things and then they'll have their concerts and on top of all that apparently [some of them are also studying] ????? they are so hardworking :( HOW do they do it !! just..thinking abt their schedule is overwhelming !!! also pls dont think that you're boring me or anything like that :( im so thankful for any msg i receive and the fact that u actually took the time to type out smth to send to me ?? im so grateful ?? u are never boring !! honestly even if u sent me a stainless steel dishwasher manual w the page length of like..23 bibles, i'd still love u for it and i'd prob read all of it :( btw thank u sm for saying all those kind things !!! receiving kindness for the 3rd time is rly !!!!!!! and once again i've done nothing to deserve it :( i dont even know what i can say to you that will ever be enough to thank u again or to top what u hav already said ! if there was like a...maslows hierarchy of kindness of smth, ur at the very top of that triangle and anything i say will never be as kind as what you have said !! for you, i can agree that we both inspired each other :-) but really thank u so much from the bottom of my heart :( i hope you know how kind and lovely u are too ! if nobody told u this today, i wanted to say that im rly grateful to know u and i'm happy that you're here !! thank u again for being so kind and thoughtful and for making me smile !! :( same, i havent properly listened to the whole album either bc ive just been letting it stream in the background (but i dont count that as a proper listen unless i listen w headphones tbh) ill give it a good listen one day ! also im a repeat 1 kind of garbage person until i feel the need to listen to a new song ?? and rn jealousy to me is a song that gets better w every listen ??? shes too powerful atm :( one day ill listen to another song but today is not that day ! Actually.....I think jealousy is my fav mx song ???? before this cb i didnt hav a fav bc i couldnt pick the song i liked most out of blue moon/blind/fighter/incomparable. i was just gonna base it off the one w the most play count out of those 4 but now i know its jealousy ! what are ur fav mx songs ?? btw i know im always saying that anything mx releases is always a masterpiece no matter what, but in all seriousness its ok if u didn't like smth they released. i don't think it makes u any less of a mbb if u didn't enjoy a certain release or if u only liked one aspect of a thing but not so much the rest of the thing. anyway not to sound so...stale and commonplace but for lack of a better word/sentence, at the end of the day your own reactions and feelings to a piece of art like music...it's all just subjective isnt it ?? not liking that thing doesnt mean that its not a masterpiece or its any less of a masterpiece to someone else either so !! it's ok !! anyway this is rly....ive written a lot and its all over the place and incoherent probably :( i'm sorry !! feel free to reply whenever u feel like it, or no pressure on never replying at all btw ! also feel free to disagree w anything i say ! thank u sm for talking to me abt mx bc ive also got no mbb friends so !!! thank you :( theres so many times where i rly want to start a conversation w someone but im too scared and also i've got no clue abt how to initiate conversation ! and the times when i do manage to...i get stuck on how to keep the conversation going ? but when i figure smth out then im coming for u @ friendship !! i hope u had a good weekend and that you got some rest and that ur doing ok wherever u are !! until next time, take care ❤️❤️❤️

#how did i..even end up writing so much im so sorry :-(#and sorry that this is all over the place !!#i hope i didn't go on too much of a tangent :(#ask #theory anon #Anonymous

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bigbrothernetflix-st · 4 years

Text

EPISODE THREE

“this was literally one of the worst decisions i've ever had to make so now i'm just kinda pissed off!” - nash

HOH: Nash UPSIDE DOWN: Joey & Saira NOMINEES: Brianna & Gina POV: Jacob FINAL NOMINEES: Emma & Gina EVICTED: Gina (11-1), Jake (WALK)

ARIA

https://youtu.be/SyHPQkbxxw8

JOEY

WATCH THIS AGE LIKE MILK:

I feel great!!!!! Nash winning means my ass aint going up, I gave her 2 tokens, and she gave me 1, and I feel fantastic heading into this week

SAIRA

i feel okay about nash being hoh, she wasn't my first choice but i don't think im in any danger of being nominated (hopefully haha) im not sure who i WOULD want to be nominated, i just know who i wouldn't want, so as long as they're okay i'm good!

JEV

I'm once again feeling pretty good this week. I've grown pretty close to Nash since nominating her in week 1 and she told me and Nathan we aren't going up so, there's that! She's told me Gina is going up and will be her target which I'm not thrilled about but hopefully Gina can pull some miracle and win POV. I'm a little worried about Emma and Jake too, as they've both said they haven't spoken to her much which is dumb, bc like hello??? its week 3, i feel esp with Jake, I can understand Emma bc Nash keeps leaving her on read but I don't think Jake has even tried much (crying emoji) So hopefully they can ALSO pull something out

JAKE

FUCK MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i hate everyone in this game t b h. why can't people just follow with a plan and go through with it like it aint that hard to put your chips on one person from your alliance so youre all safe like........ i dont think these ppl understand strategy and it's TIRING. i frankly am over people relying on their friendships to get themselves through another week bc fucking nash won an alliance-based hoh comp. now we have to deal w this fucking friend group running the house another week. i don't know if i'm safe i'm honestly probably going to be put up??? even tho nash is the one that CONSTANTLY ignores my PMs even tho ive given her paragraphs to respond to... she's gonna do whatever her little friends want her to do. i mean that's what she literally said to me. i was like pls don't nom me <3 and she was like "im not making any promises im just doing whatever the house wants me to do" like girl............ lkjghklsdfjhg what kind of dumbass bullshit response was that. just tell me you're putting me up or you're not. youre a big girl you can make your own fucking decisions.

i give nash what i would give any hoh if they won and that is "i'd never ever nominate you it's never even crossed my mind" and hoping that's enough to make her wanna keep me. she might think im not going after her but, if she's smart, she'll send me out the door this week before i can retaliate.

im super super worried that jacob will be like oh jev n jake aligned in BBHOS9 u should put them up together since jev nominated you week 1. like i feel like she'd do ANYTHING jacob tells her at this point cuz shes just another one of his sheep so like hoping im good w jacob but he's such a wildcard idfk

at this point im just hoping me or emma don't get put up and if we do there will be a veto to be won and a nash/jacob to come after next so...... period

ARIA

yall i feel so fucking cracked and tired of everything but itS FINE!!! I got this easy peasy!! Im not going to always feel motivated but im doing my best and thats valid baby!!! So lets jump in, first off lets start with a random information dump of things i've collected

-jacob has talked about me w/ nicholas during pasio

-monty and jacob have a connection ( i dont even remember how)

-nathan nash (maybe jacob) obviously tight lmao

-joey monty close

-Jake made a counter alliance to Jacob's (actually joshes) alliance made of me gina saira emma and josh

-josh emma me alliance

-JOEY RECORDS CALLS

-Jake is wary of nathan (but also thinks hes cute ugh)

-told jake im wary of pasio peeps so he might nom them

-Jacob alliance STILL isnt created

-called with josh and told him that jacob is wary that the alliance isnt made yet

-jacob josh have a pregame

-told josh, saira and nick have a pregame

-josh kiki close

-josh thinks saira is a social threat

-josh prefers jev over nathan

-told monty to talk to jake more

-told joshua jacob is the most connected person

-got back to nash gina doesnt like her

-jacob kiki nash confirmed trio alliance

-nash told jev gina is the target (jev then told jake)

-josh thought jacob was the original maker of the alliance

-jake thinks jacob/josh are snakes

-jake also thinks jacob-josh-nash-kiki-bri-nick-nathan are an alliance

-josh wants to play the middle w/ me :uwu:

So from here I want to get into how my ideal week will go and how it will realistically go. IDEALLY Nash noms jev and josh with them not winning veto and the house gets rid of a utr social threat but realistically its gonne be gina and jake with gina going bc she doesnt talk to anyone of have any motivation for this game (I LITERALLY WROTE HER A PARAGRAPH TO SEND TO NASH TO NOT BE NOMINATED AND SHE GOES "hmm idk maybe ill send it" LIKE????)

Okay the other thing im freaking out about is bc i feel like theres tension between me Jacob Josh and Jake and im not sure what it is about. I mean i kinda do but im missing key components. The whole situation just doesn't sit right with me at all and I feel very at odds with them in a weird kinda way. I've explained this so many times but i have such a bad feeling that josh leaked the janelle alliance to jacob and is more with him than me and now josh is setting these two sides against each other and i just heard from him that nash isnt nomming him so now im really uncomfy ughhhh i have such a bad feeling and i really need to work on people like jev saira monty to make sure i have people behind me i can fall back on, but also im getting the vibe jake really really trusts me which is great because i want to go far with him as well, unless hes just misting me SUPER hard ughhh

god i just have such a bad feeling about this week buts its fINE totally fine ill work it out eventually,,,but now its trust ranking time yay

1.Gina (youre so inactive i adore you!)

2.Joshua (kid GANG!!! thank you for trusting me sometimes <3)

3.Jake (hes a crackhead but hes my crackhead)

VERY BIG GAP

4.Emma (shes chilling what a lovely gal)

5.Monty (better inactive than be active and a threat)

6.Nathan (youre kinda sketchy but hes like a funky older brother)

7.Josh (youre at the center of a balancing act i wonder if u can keep it up)

8.Nick (they always give such an honest vibe,,,,,i dont trust it)

9.Brianna (shes so sweet but the sweetest angels make the fiercest demons)

10.Jev(,,,,your on slightly thicker ice than joey but combined with a little more charisma)

ANOTHER GAP WOOT WOOT

11.Joey (youre on THIN fucking ice buddy,,,,please be more open w/ me)

12.Saira (im begging for u to talk game to me,,, but also since we havent talked u cant snake me yet)

13. Jacob (idk ily sm but youre so fcking connected and idk if i reached ur inner circle yet)

14. Kiki (my favorite furry)

15.Nash (please talk to me im begging ill do anything please plsease plaease plae-)

So update ive been talking around and wow this game loves looking at my allies and kicking them in the kneecaps while spitting in their eyes ugh. So nash is probably leaning towards nomming jake and Gina with gina as the target (really weird that jake is nommed makes me think jacob had some influence there) but in that scenario best case is that veto is used and anyone but josh goes up and that person leaves easy fucking peasy!! Anyway i just talked with josh and apparently jacob was the one who came up with the alliance idea which is interesting bc he tried to pin it on josh. Anyways not to totally contradict my initial rant but me and josh had a really good chat where we're kinda in the same position between two groups (the og alliance and janelle) and we dont know if we should make the og alliance and with who bc of janelle so we're struggling to see whats the correct move from here....or maybe josh is completely misting me but i fucking hope not ugh- either way im surviving this week and thats that!!

JEV

I'm realising that I'm getting myself into a pretty tight position since I have firm alliances with Emma & Jake and Nash & Nathan, as well as being extremely close to Josh C, which could prove difficult for me down the line, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

KIKI

https://youtu.be/6cn8xUFWqhA

BRIANNA

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1XvZzg3dTEZ89VeFbG3bxk4JFNtr7Ixm0/view?usp=sharing

i had to use google drive bc it wouldn't take my file on youtube :((((

JEV

So right now I've somehow accidentally wriggled my way into conspiring with Nash on how best to take Gina out, which is so dumb of me because I don't really want to see Gina leave this week, but at the same time I'm having to fight Nash's decision because she wants to put Emma up beside her and... I can't let that happen because I'm worried Emma would leave over Gina

JEV

So I'm speaking to Nash, taking the heat off of Emma by telling her I feel she could be a number for me/her/Nathan down the line, and now I'm pushing for Brianna to go up since Nash wants someone who 100% wouldn't leave over Gina and I'm thinking like... WHO would vote to evict Brianna, but at the same time I'm feeling super terrible about it because Brianna is a literal angel

JEV

Wow a lot going on so I'm trying to update as best I can, Nash is saying she's going to randomise for who goes to the upside down so I'm having to encourage her not to include me or Nathan in the randomisation just incase she needs us for strategising but REALLY its so I can stay and hang around and try my best to keep Emma from touching the block at all this week.

NASH

sorry for nominating women i didnt mean it.

EMMA

If i am being honest the more this game goes by i get so unmotivated and its only week 3 i suck because well in bbgames like galar and almia i mostly played from the bottom now im like alright i kinda want to fuck up my game for fun but kinda pisses me off a bit that i almost could of been nominated if it wasnt for jev but that pisses me off so much i tried talking to nash but i get left on read i dont take things 100x personal unless if somebody is being mean like laughing etc but knowing that i would be on the block over brianna when i did try talking to nash its still hurts a little but if somebody like gina wins veto if i get on the block it issss what it isss i guess but i played on the bottom way to many times maybe i can do this??

JEV

So my efforts worked and Brianna went up instead of Emma, now I've just gotta hope neither of the noms win POV/that the POV isn't used so I don't have to throw someone elses name out there to Nash :flushed:

JOSH

hello ladies and gays. straights aren't welcome here.

today, we are feeling GOOD because the person we nominated just a few days ago won power and STILL didn't nominate me. is that iconnery or what? i was honestly ready for my ass to be TOAST but i did approach nash before they won HOH and had a conversation about where we stood and they said i would be OKAY this week bc we did start talking. we love to see it, yes we do!

the nominees this week are gina and brianna and.. even though i'm in two different alliances with both of them, i'm not mad at either of them going up. i don't REALLY talk with either and i'd be happy to see either one of them go. the tricky part will be figuring out WHO to vote when the time comes, but we have a POV to happen before we get there. we'll SEE.

if i had to choose, i'd probably send brianna home simply because i find her a bit CHAOTIC where i feel like gina isn't really going to cause a lot of waves with me. she's much more quiet whereas brianna is more likely to be able to pick herself back up.

some other fun events going on:

jake was NOT happy about nash winning and thought he was going to get nominated because of it. he was about to RIP nash a new one and is really brewing with how much he hates them. MAKES ME LAUGH A LIL BECAUSE IT WAS SO UNWARRANTED BUT NEVERTHELESS, it's something to note that jake does NOT like nash.

i think aria is my number one right now bc we get along really well and have very similar opinions. i'm really open with how i talk to her so i'm HOPING she's not spilling everything i say to someone else but i don't think she WOULD? i dunno. i love her energy and i'm hoping we can SLICE AND DICE together in the middle.

my strategy is to take my HOH under my belt and take a step back for a minute while my two alliances (one: jake, aria, gina, emma, saira, me & two: jacob, aria, brianna, kiki, me) get picked off back and forth. i'm going to see if i can craft a narrative for them to go after each other but we'll SEE. there are a lot of people in the middle i enjoy a lot more than some of the people in my alliances so IDK. i feel like some people got thrown into these alliances that i did NOT want but they were kind of forced in so i don't trust it. and i think people KNOW because i'm not very chatty abt it in the chats (and i haven't even made one of the chats. am i supposed to? idk)

anyways that's all for now x

ARIA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zp71zzR-wgE

someone help

JAKE

https://voca.ro/g2ZQWs9x8du

JEV

Not miss Nash coming to me asking how I'd feel about being renom :flushed:

JEV

So I literally just woke up from a sleep and in the space of 30 minutes have had to talk Nash out of renomming me, Emma or Jake since we've just made an alliance together so I warned her that probably wouldn't work out for us in the long run. We narrowed it down and she shortlisted Aria, Josh C, Monty & Nick, and I have spun her to try and get her to nominate Aria, because 1. I don't wanna see Josh C go up and 2. like with Brianna I feel nobody here would vote to evict Aria, and Nash wants Gina GONE (crying emoji) so I feel this was the only logical renom to suggest.

JEV

The conversation has turned back to Emma and I just really don't wanna let that happen because I do feel like she'd leave over Gina. Part of me is saying not to stick my neck out too much to save Emma but at the same time she's my number 1 in this game and I hope she'd return the favour if she was in my position.

NASH

this was literally one of the worst decisions i've ever had to make so now i'm just kinda pissed off!

ARIA

Well,,,, FBSFJDF I feel like im making so many of these but honestly this game changes everyday so please dont be too annoyed by me uwu, the mood swing i had just this DAY was insane so lets begin w/ the general info-

IN TIME LINE ORDER

-Jev told jake that something about noms but acted dumb when I asked

-Gina/Joshua/Aria alliance created!!

-Saira and Josh are close

- VIDEO DR GOES HERE

-Jake spills Emma-Jev-Nathan-Nash-Jake alliance with Emma/Jev/Jake being a trio as well= Jev created the alliance

-Jev prefers gina out

-jake doesnt believe in screenshots or recording calls

-Jev and Jake are close

-Jev/Jacob/Jake all played together before

-I leaked Bri's backups to Jake as well as Jacob's trio with Nash and Kiki

-nash almost backdoored jev bc he wasnt responding to her

-jev was the reason i was almost otb

-I WAS ALMOST OTB

-Josh AND Jacob both want Jake out

-Bri thinks nash's comp ability is scary

-Nash and Nick are close

-Jacob nervous about Bri's backup leaking

-Jacob barely talks w/ saira and monty

-made a final three w/ jacob josh called malibu

So now im debating whether its morally okay for me to analyze what happened in the living room in a game sense. FBSdffan So lets run down things in chronological order and I might mention my thoughts if they arent too controversial, Nathan leaks the alliance with jev/nash/jake/emma. Eventually emma says 'i wanna know who put these thoughts in the hohs head" and nick starts to shut the discussion down which is an interesting contrast to their earlier attitude where they were very for the drama continuing, which leads me to begin they had some sort of hand in it. Nathan goes on to say he likes nash on a personal lvl which jake analyzes as a nod to a friendgroup and a mini confrontation between nathan and jake occur. I believe that part was just a misunderstanding on both parties account. Then happy discussion until Jake calls nash out for being in the diary session for too long which leads to a discussion of house guests over analyzing production and using that as a strategy which is ultimately unfair and also at this time I believe nash was going through itTM leading to their friends to be slightly defensive on their behalf (which is valid) and i after rereading things i really hope that they're okay, ultimately this leads up to frustration on Jake's part and his ultimate quit.

I mean where do i go from here? I have the Bri's angels but that did get leaked to Emma on Jake's way out so i need to figure some way to micromanage that where i think im gonna make a emma jev alliance and work with them as a trio in the future (if gina goes) but rn i feel like this force of energy that is Bri's backups is gonna body for a bit but i think theyre gonna throw hoh leading me jev or emma to step up and body a bit. Like i think i might actually win hoh and nom nash and monty with a nick potential renom bc im BORED and nash continuing to skate by without even talking to me is not valid, and monty is so not here its like??? HEWWO??? but idk thats making big moves i may just chill a bit for now but i dont want jev and emma being targeted in the future bc theyre gonna be numbers for me and thats on PEWIOD!

HOST WEEKLY CAST ASSESSMENT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L25lY813N1k&list=PLFEwPPy8j010XXwntq80VSU0qLNTNpSIN&index=4&t=0s

#bbnetflix st

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conflictcrafter · 5 years

Text

The Unexpected LAMAW of Madayaw and The lamaw that is deped

the department of education has, and rightfully so, included retellings of the Darangen in the English 7 curriculum learning modules (but wrong pictures!). during one of our classes, particularly in section Gladiola, we talked about the epic and how the Meranaws in the time of the Darangen has put premium on physical appearance over anything else.

whenever we touch the Meranaws in my MAPEH 7 (2012-2014) and in my English 7 classes (2014-present), i'd always tell them about the Kapagipat, among other cool Meranaw stuff, to illustrate how magical and ritualistic and creative and cool the Meranaws are. i had to do this because a considerable number of my students are Maranaws and those who are not will have had the mis-educated, illi-informed idea that Maranaws—Muslims in general—are people to be avoided. i'd always tell them the opposite: that Islam is a religion of peace, and all my Muslim friends are nice and generous and very approachable; i'd always tell them, too, how unfortunate i was to not have been born in an ethnolinguistic group, still connected to its ancient traditions. but i digress.

ive seen and studied the works of Madayaw Cultural Ensemble, among other cultural dance-theatre groups in Davao. and since their piece Singkil sa Laya performed in SM Ecoland back in the infancy of Sayaw Mindanao sometime in 2011, their "tribe in focus" would, except in very rare cases, be Islamized ethnolinguistic groups (Meranaw, Maguindanao, Tausug). no problem with this.

but the plot is done over and over only in different characters and settings. their staple is always like this: a pair of lovers, disturbed by a bitter third party; man fights the third party; pair of lovers marry. this happened for quite some time that i'd marvel at the times when madayaw would not win, and be internally outraged when they do. ive somehow sensed that all they did was show glitz and glamour: no advocacy, no plot, no depth; with only one goal: to fool the eyes of some unaware luzon-based judges—ergo, win. (there. ive said it.)

at first glance of this piece, i told myself that it's gonna be the same thing since 2011. theyve hit the formula. and now this is their forte. and theyre never going to outgrow their motifs. it's lamaw (leftover food). napagkainan na.

but as i was watching it, (insert curse word here) kalami sa piyesa! i was slowly liking the piece every minute as it went. it was like being introduced to lamaw—at first abhorring it for its name—but later discovering that lamaw is not only leftover food but also an effin refreshing delicacy (lamaw is a multilingual homonym and homophone having polar gastronomic meanings depending on which of the philippine languages one is using, making lamaw physically and lexically "lamaw." hello, buwan ng wika na surface level lang pagpapahalaga ng karamihan! hello, schools! but again, i digress.)!

it depicts, in a sense, an etymology of the trance-dance ritual Sagayan: what's its purpose—the Kapagipat, which i always mention to my students—and the rationale behind the skirt-and-hat-wearing male baylans who perform the ritual. in detail, i laud this piece because:

1) it is ritual-centered. it picked rituals (Kapagipat and Sagayan) and established a narrative around it. not the other way around. by doing this, the ritual is preserved, and not the narrative. both should be preserved but it's the ritual that needs preserving now as it has been relegated to the background. and with that, the rituals' meanings and intentions becomes obscured in the long run.

you see, the Sagayan is one of the most obscured trance-dances in our cultural performance history. Sagayan is mostly seen during Meranaw / Maguindanao weddings and it has since been ascribed to such weddings. hence, if a cultural dance has a lemba (wedding celebration) commonly at the conclusion of the piece, it will always have at least two sagayan performers. culturally, it's intention is to ward away bad spirits but choreographically, it's only there to add a sense of cultural precision. nothing about its importance and its true meaning.

but this has put the Sagayan back to Kapagipat. this piece has educated us about the ritual trance-dance and why it looks like that. it has, so to speak, made an etymology of the dance. and this creative and educational decision transcends mere performance. this transcends Sayaw Mindanaw.

2) it attempted to show today's relevant social issues. specifically—

2.a) gender-roles. the process of transferring the mantle of Sagayan practitioner from female to male shows that males and females may share roles and must be open to the fact given the gravitas of circumstances. in the piece, the female baylan was at first defeated by the tonong-possessed person in her effort to cure / exorcise him. to defeat the tonong, she tricked it by making her male companion be the baylan, donning him with female clothes and a headdress that covered the face. in their second encounter, the tonong was confident that it was still the same baylan, only to be overwhelmed and defeated by the female-disguised male baylan.

the Meranaw community has, in the surface, clear-cut, black-and-white, male-female gender roles and it is not to be dismantled or to be ridiculed as this is their norm. but they are also fluid enough to recognize that sometimes gender roles must be reinvented to solve a crisis, and it is this utilization of gender clear-cut-ted-ness that brought resolution to the narrative.

furthermore, this shows that even before philippines was philippines, cross-dressing has been a thing already. and it's rather strange to feel strange about it.

2.b) preservation of community; depression, and suicide to the individual. prior to becoming a tonong (spirit to be appeased), it belonged to a living human body that has experienced depression and who has eventually committed suicide. he has experienced the community's rejection and misjudgment as shown in the second act.

on surface level, it tells us that villains are created by society. and as a society, we have a role in shaping and influencing the decisions of individuals. whatever we do to others, it returns to us. we reap what we sow—making their planting and sowing dance routine more than just petty choreography, it has served a very symbolic purpose (learn, peasants. mao ning art).

on another level. the society's alleged "discrimination" is not something shocking to the ancient Meranaws. you see, in Darangen, Prince Bantugan, being extremely handsome, has won the hearts of many women and men alike, and he is often being favored by the people more than the generally good but not as handsome king, Mabaning. the Meranaws in the Darangen are notorious in describing how monsters destroy villages, and it should not be a shock that ancient Meranaws may ascribe this monstrosity to unfortunate persons who happen to possess faulty facial features. this is merely an instinct to preserve community rather than a community hell-bent to discriminate with no reasonable logic.

as modern audience with no Meranaw background, we get the moral of non-judgement; for Meranaws, they get the moral of preserving community. i must commend Madayaw if this was a conscious artistic decision because (insert curse word here) this is genius layering.

3) it escaped the lamaw trap. like what i said earlier, i have become tired of seeing the plot of the pieces of Madayaw. to me, they have settled, like dust at the bottom of undisturbed water. personally, i feel that they only mostly win because they look so good and shiny. and this is what happens when artists never grow. they stick to what is proven effective, without exploring something new. this is what kills the artist if they cling too long to their aesthetics. isa lang ako sa mga naunang naumay.

but this is nothing i have seen before. like what i said, it has focused on the rituals, and made the narrative complement the rituals. not the other way around. this is already very intelligent. this piece has therefore escaped their tiresome kasal-kasal motif, which to me was effin lamaw.

now, they have evolved into the LAMAW (yes, all caps). this level is achieved (objectively by the artist and subjectively felt by the viewer) when something expected to be artistically low suddenly proves itself as something very highbrow. i say all caps LAMAW because to me, this is the most important level of artistic expression (more about this in the future kay gabuhat kuno kog akong kaugalingong art manifesto alongside verfremdung ni bretch, ostranenie ni shklovsky, surrealisme ni breton, ug uban pa. haha murag korek).

what im trying to say is that they have at last grown and they have grown magnificently with this piece. this has amazed and re-educated me. (insert curse word) nabusog yung mata't utak ko.

i commend the overt inclusion of spiritism in the piece, which i first saw in Sayaw Mindanaw back in 2013 in Saliyaw's first champion piece.

speaking of Saliyaw, another dance-theatre / folkloric group in Davao, i must say that no other group so far has exceeded their creativity in presenting new motifs in the cultural performance community. to note, they started the aforementioned spiritism / netherworld motif; the focus to Sama, an ethnoliguistic group in Davao that rarely receive the spotlight (although this can be argued, but i personally think that the resurgence of appreciation to the Sama has been brought about by Saliyaw's focus to the tribe back in 2014); and the multicultural motif evidenced by their 2017 piece that included the mutual influence of Bagobo-Klata culture to Japanese. creativity-wise, Saliyaw has done more.

take this with a grain of salt.

it is just so appalling that masterpieces, such as this, among others, are not common in educational institutions. and to be brutally honest, it goes down to the interest of the admins and teachers if they so chooses to discuss these extra things in classes. if this does not interest schools, the study of culture and consequently our appreciation of our identity goes to the gutters.

we, especially the schools in the cities, have been lazy in representing whatever sense of culture we have left in our locale. we have not moved on from black tights and leotards with malong sash to represent the Islamized ethnolinguistic groups. to appear cultural, we put malongs everywhere, not even bothering to educate the students which malong motif is appropriate for which occasion. we rarely take initiatives to encourage students who belong to cultural minorities to showcase their identity. worst, we add to the horrible mis-education that Muslims are bad and Atas are ugly and Lumads are uncivilized through our throwaway statements. and sometimes unaware teachers do that (insert curse word).

the efforts of cultural performers during Kadayawan and throughout the year is not trivial. it is an effort to preserve our identity and an opportunity to atone for our misjudgments towards ethnolinguistic groups in the land that we have grabbed from them.

i may have said something about the art of a cultural group but i still respect them as cultural bearers and as they also put forward the true essence of cultural performances: to educate and to make us appreciate our local culture and identity—which very rarely happens in majority of educational institutions.

farce, no? ~~ video here http://bit.ly/2P0dOgL image source https://www.facebook.com/sunstardavaonews/photos/a.716755768378759/2440892695965049/?type=3&theater

#madayaw #kadayawan #madayaw cultural ensemble #saliyaw #saliyaw folkloric ensemble #davao city #sayaw kadayawan #sayaw mindanaw

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