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bambi-slxt · 1 day

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Could you write something with Matt or Chris (or both!) and a chubby/not petite reader? I don't see a lot of those and would really appreciate it!

Doesn't have to be smut, it can be more in the style of your non-binary post or love languages. Thank you!

oh honey. of course i can.

chubby!reader:

✨a concept✨

a/n: i'm not petite and i never have been. this post is not intended to cause body dysmorphia to those who are, but rather promote and uplift those who have more fat on them than what's normally represented in the fanfiction space. i hope you enjoy this one anon!

doing their makeup at a sleep over -

chris: "yeah, come on, sit on my lap. no, seriously. i don't mind. come here, mamas." *kisses* "there we go. now put this shit on my face before i change my mind."

matt: "you were saying something about hooded lids? yeah, i don't think i have those. what do you mean people have different eyelid shapes. what the fuck. you have to look up different- jesus christ i'm glad i don't fuck with this stuff."

watching a scary movie -

chris: "i never shoulda' agreed to this. what spell do you have me under? i hate you. no like actually." *holding your hand for dear life and also shaking like a chihuahua*

matt: "-genuinely fucking terrifying. what? why do I have to be the one who tells you when it's over? i don't wanna look either!" *long-suffering sigh*

swimming -

chris: "i don't want you to look like a model, i want you to look like you. you look real, and you feel real...when i look at my girl all i see is how beautiful you are. no, i'm being serious. especially wearin' the stuff i bought you."

matt: "it's just us, darlin'. i've seen all of you before. i know what you look like, and i love you because of it. get in the water so we can play mermaids."

clothes shopping -

chris: "what the Actual Fuck are these designs. this is the plus size section? what a waste of space? i'll make you better clothes. yeah, i'm serious. you like my brand better anyway. jesus christ, i'm sorry."

matt: "...is this really what you want to wear? no? okay so let's leave. yeah, this isn't your style at all. i don't care, i'll shop with you all fucking week if that's what it takes. you're not gonna settle on this shit if it's not what you want."

going to the gym -

chris: "come on, you got it. i know it hurts but you're almost done, come on. don't you dare stop, there we go...there we go, you're good, you're good, get some water...that was a new PR baby, i'm so fucking proud of you. hell yeah, you did so good...damn i don't even think i can get that...fuck you..."

matt: "why the fuck would we go to the gym when the bed is right there? absolutely not. we can work out in my bed-"

streaming together -

chris: "no we're playing fortnite, get on here. i don't care. we've played fallout all week i wanna play duos, pleasepleaseplease-thankssss. yeah we can hop on stream. nah, they love you. trust. you wanna get ready first? i think you look great, but it's up to you, mamas. i want you to be confident, you know that."

matt: "if they have something to say i'll just rip 'em a new one and kiss you on stream. yeah. no i'm dead serious. there's my girl. come on, let's play."

boyfriend hoodies -

chris: "course it fits. i got bigger ones for me so you could steal them. you're such a thief. i love you. what? i didn't say anything..."

matt: "i'm gonna freeze. no no, take it, take my only source of warmth. i'm not bitter. come here lemme cuddle you i'm fucking cold."

a/n: hope you like this nonnie!

request to be on the taglist under this post right here, make sure your mentions are on!

tags: @selenascorner @pinksturniolo @malirosee @st7rnioioss @nonat-111 @cindylcuwho @evie-sturns @h3arts4harry @fanficsbymia @dazednmatthews @sturniolo-rat @mattsmad @sturniolo04 @bellasturn @blahbel668 @yomamaslays4lyfe @stasiesturn @pleasantlycrazyworld @ariqolyx @wh0resstuff @krissy4gov @coochiedestroyer1 @madisturn @mattspolitank @sturnsxplr-25 @xtravrgnoliveoil @raysmayhem-72 @sturnpooks @certifiedstarrr @melanch0lybby @freshloveforthefit @xoxo4chrisss @stunza @meerkatzthings @zivall @sturniolopepsi @that1fangirll @wh0schl0 @sharksworldd @mattscoquette @chrisslutx @sturnzsblog @sturniologals @quaxkingshs @certifiedstarrr @sarosfilms @mattsfavbigtitties @slutforsturniolos

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zhaosbin · 3 days

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Hello! If you're thinking about writing a Soobin fic, how about a Soobin x fem!reader in which they become fwb after finding out reader's bf cheated on her, so she wanna get revenge and he's such a good friend he can't help but offering himself... you can leave their relationship like that (secret fwb/affair) or maybe they become something more in the end...

Tell me what you think and feel free to change or add anything to the plot! :)

sweet revenge- c. soobin

summary: after your boyfriend cheats on you, your best friend is there to pick up the pieces.

reader: afab/fem reader!

warnings: kind of dom!soobin x sub!reader, soobin is in love with his bestie, oral (f receiving), kissing,explicit smut minors dni

a/n: tysm for requesting!! i love fwb trope a little too much.. also for the record i am the biggest sub!soobin enthusiast but i had to make him dominant here sorry :(

-

slamming the door to your apartment behind you, you immediately let out a cry of frustration.

twenty minutes prior to this, you had walked in on your boyfriend of almost a year cheating on you. you always had a hunch with how distant he became but you never thought you'd actually witness it first hand.

breaking you out of your thoughts was a sweet voice, the voice of your best friend to be exact.

"y/n? is everything okay" the voice asks.

fuck. you completely forgot you and your best friend soobin were having a movie marathon tonight.

you grow even more frustrated and rather embarrassed and slowly sink down to the floor finally letting your tears run free.

soobin immediately rushes over to you, long arms engulfing you in a tight squeeze.

you try to blurt out an explanation but your thoughts were too jumbled.

"shhh, it's okay y/n. calm down and tell me when your ready" soobin says softly.

after about five minutes of sitting in your best friends warm embrace, you finally find the strength to speak again.

"he cheated on me soobie" you pout and tears slowly fall down your face again.

soobin immediately holds you tighter, cursing under his breath at the boy he never liked in the first place.

"it's his loss" soobin immediately cuts in. "you're the sweetest girl i've ever met".

it wasn't unusual for your best friend to compliment you, you grew up next door neighbors and have been inseparable for as long as you could remember. even though you were used to the compliments, it didn't stop your heart from fluttering at his words.

after a few more minutes of silence, soobin noticed your breathing going back to normal and tears no longer dripping down your face.

he took your hand and led you to the bedroom that he had set up for your monthly movie night.

you notice how much effort he put into it and find yourself pouting again, ready to apologize before he cuts you off.

"don't y/n. we do this once a month it's okay to miss out on our fifth avengers rewatch" he says smiling.

you giggle at that, your best friend immediately cheering you up after such a shitty night.

god. you think to yourself. i should've just dated him.

before your thoughts could get any more bizarre, you take a seat next to soobin on your bed.

he immediately engulfs you in his arms again, kissing the top of your head and sighing contently.

after a few moments, you glance over at soobin who looks awfully nervous about something. before you could ask him yourself, soobin speaks up.

"you know... if you ever want to get back at him or something, i'd be more than happy to help" he gently says.

you furrow your eyebrows at his comment, not fully understanding what that meant.

"you mean like keying his car or something?" you confusedly giggle.

soobin chuckles at your cuteness.

"well that or, i don't know, maybe he should feel the same pain he caused you" he says sounding more confident now.

your eyes widen a bit when you fully understand what your friend was suggesting.

you weren't gonna lie to yourself, you knew your best friend was attractive. you just never really thought of him as anything other than your friend before. but for some reason, you were enticed by his idea.

"but...w-wouldn't that ruin our friendship?" you ask nervously.

"of course not. i'm your best friend and i'd do anything for you. let me do this for you" soobin rushes to say.

you weigh the pros and cons in your head, trying to logically think of what to do before that anger from earlier comes back. you wanted to hurt him as much as he hurt you, and your attractive best friend was offering to help you with just that. how could you possibly say no?

instead of verbally answering soobin, you gently press your lips against his plump ones.

he looks taken aback for a split second before he recovers himself and kisses back more passionately.

"tell me if you're uncomfortable at any point and i'll stop, okay?" he says seriously.

you nod, fully trusting him to do whatever he wanted to you anyway.

soobin moves down from your lips to your neck, stopping here and there to leave hickeys that you knew would be noticeable tomorrow.

you moan softly at the feeling of his lips against your neck, making him swallow a groan in his throat.

"you sound so pretty, baby" soobin comments casually making you a flustered mess.

"soobin, please" you beg him.

he knew what you wanted and he wanted it too. badly.

he moves down lower on the bed until he's face to face with your drenched panties.

"how are you already so wet?" he moans running his fingers up and down the wet spot before moving your panties to the side.

without warning, he presses his tongue flat against your core making you scream out in shock and pleasure.

"tastes so fucking good, better than i ever imagined" soobin says too entranced to notice his slip up.

you frown confusedly for a second before his tongue circles around your clit and the only thing you can think of right now is his mouth.

"soobin i'm gonna c-cum soon. really want your cock inside me" you say very obviously deep into your sub headspace.

soobin pulls his mouth off of your clit with a loud popping noise making you whimper at the loss of contact.

"since you asked so nicely" soobin says smiling and kissing your lips again.

he releases his (massive) cock out of his boxers and it was already dripping with precum.

soobin wastes no time in lining himself up with your entrance, gently pushing in inch by inch.

you knew that right now wasn't the time to be comparing cock sizes, but he was so much bigger than your ex and felt so much better. were you really missing out on this feeling this entire time?

after a minute he finally bottoms out, both of you letting out soft moans at the feeling.

he looks into your eyes, silently asking for approval to start moving. you softly smile at his cuteness and nod your head at him.

immediately soobin picks up the pace and your smile is replaced with your mouth dropping open.

"oh my god soobin, you're so big. feels so good" you gasp.

soobin let's out a chuckle at this, knowing your ex must've been less than half of his size.

"yeah baby? does that feel nice?" soobin says trying to contain his own sounds of pleasure.

you nod your head up and down quickly, not being able to form a proper response right now.

soobin knew that you were already pretty close since he ate you out before this and he hurriedly moves his thumb to circle your clit as he fucks you.

"s-soobin. cumming" is all you could say as your orgasm rips through you, making your entire body shake.

soobin has never been more turned on in his life seeing you like this and quickly follows after you with a deep groan.

he releases onto your stomach, cum splattering onto your mouth and chin in the process.

you immediately lick it up while staring deep into his eyes and he shakes his head in disbelief.

"fuck that was amazing" he says slowing down and eventually taking his cock out of you.

you had completely forgotten about why you were so heartbroken and upset before and once you remembered, you really couldn't care less.

the only thought in your mind was soobin.

you knew your friendship would be changed drastically after this, especially after coming to terms with the fact that you might have been in love with your best friend this entire time.

little did you know soobin was laying next to you thinking the exact same thing.

#txt x reader #txt smut #soobin smut #soobin x reader #soobin imagines

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thoughtsforsoob · 2 days

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Hello! Can you write smth abt Reader x idol!soobin got into an argument and the only way to settle this is on the bed ;] ( pls include breeding kink and fingering )

Can i also be a ✏️ Anon? :3

a/n: hello anon!! thank you so much for requesting! of course you can be ✏️ anon! I hope this work meets your expectations ( ◠‿◠ ) inbox is always open for you and anyone else who wants to request or become an anon

(everything is under the cut!) MDNI 😟😟

You and Soobin never argue and I mean never! He’s really non confrontational. He never likes to bring things up even when they bother him. Fighting or arguing just makes him so nervous and anxious. He’s worried that he’ll upset you so badly that you’ll leave him one day. Therefore, he just never brings up anything.

Tonight was different though. He had a really rough day back at work. Nothing was going right! He and the other boys were not in sync during dance practice, he couldn't focus on perfecting his vocals for their recording and the staff made them skip lunch! He was not only irritated but he was starving!! His poor tummy was rumbling all the way home. He was under the assumption that you were going ti have dinner ready. You made dinner almost every single day and you had gotten out of work early today! The idea that dinner would be ready as soon as he arrived to your apartment was the only thing keeping him sane.

Everything was normal when he arrived him. You greeted him in the living room, where you were watching an anime you'd been binging lately. Soobin noticed that you looked a little off. You didn't say anything other than "welcome home". He was starting to get annoyed because he had an itching feeling that dinner was in fact, not made. When he walked into the kitchen…he finally exploded!

He called you into the kitchen and you got up and walked in after you paused your show. This is exactly why you were nervous. He looked at you and he looked really upset. "What the hell, y/n? What happened to dinner?" You looked at him and frowned, "I'm really sorry, Soob. I really am. I lost track of time. I got home and started to watch tv and before i knew it, you had arrived." You started trying to walk towards the stove to start something but he grabbed your hips, pulling you back. You saw something shift in his eyes. It was no longer anger. It had turned into lust. He pulled you close to his body, looking into your eyes. "I've had the worst day today. This was just the cherry on top. You're gonna pay for this." He immediately picked you up and threw you over his shoulder. Once you were up there, he took you up the stairs and to your bedroom.

Once he got you to your bedroom, he threw you onto the mattress. He immediately started to strip you on your clothes. Your T-shirt and shorts were discarded in a matter of second and when he got to your panties, which happened to be the lacy blue ones he loved, he ripped them off your body. You gasped and his way bigger hand covered your month. "Shut up. You don't deserve to talk. Disobedient girls don't deserve that. Now keep that pretty mouth shut and just take your punishment. Okay?" He looks at you and you nod. You managed to squeak out a small 'yes'.

He took off your bra and instantly started to gently nibble on one of your nipples. When he glanced up to check your reaction, he witnessed your blissed out face and kept going. He made sure to nibble and suckle on both your nipples, causing your legs to squirm. He couldn't stand you moving around and he grabbed one of your thighs and used his other hand to surprise you. He stuck two fingers inside of you and made you cry out. He loved your reactions. He was making you pay just how he envisioned he would. He thrusted his fingers in and out at a quick speed to make you cry. He succeeded because before he knew it, tears were rolling down your cute cheeks. He stopped his movements after a while only to stick his fingers in your mouth. He looked into your eyes as you sucked on his fingers. He felt himself become so hard that he couldn't really think straight.

He pulled his fingers out of your mouth and started to peel off his own clothing. You just watched him strip and couldn't help but reach out to help him. It was only natural. You always helped him take off his clothes but today was very different. He gently pushed you back onto the bed and warned you again, "Do that shit again and I'm not gonna let you cum. Im not kidding." He finished removing all his clothes and got on top of you again. He thought for a second and made his choice. He manhandled you and flipped you over so you were straddling his thighs. He gave you that lustful look again and gripped your thighs. “Be a good girl and ride my cock. Hmm? Gonna pay me back so good, aren’t you?” You just nodded, already having been fucked dumb by his big fingers. He smirked at you as you started to ease yourself into his length. He was quite big and no matter how many times you two did this, you always struggled to take all of him inside. You whimpered at the burning stretch. He let it slide because he loved watching you struggled to take him. He was teaching you a lesson that he was sure you’d remember. Once you were ready, he grabbed your hips. He helped you start to bounce on him and he threw his head back in pure pleasure. He let out a sinful moan and the longer you bounced on his cock, the more he praised you. “Fuck baby, you’re doing so good for me. Aren’t you? You wanna fix this hmm? Make it up to me.” You just moaned and whined at how good every second of this felt. He felt so big inside of you and it brought you so much pleasure.

Finally, when he was feeling like he was gonna cum, he decided to try something he’s always wanted to try. “Baby? You really wanna make this better?” You nodded quickly and felt yourself teetering on the edge, unable to use actual words to respond. “L-Let me cum inside. Fuck, It’ll make everything so much better. I’ll fill you with my babies. I promise I’ll forget all about this.” You just nod, not even really listening to what he just said. He takes that as an answer and finally lets himself go. You feel him fill you up and finally let yourself cum too. “Mmm soobie! Fill me up please! I’ll be a good girl. Take it all!” He swears that he came even more that night because of what he heard you say. He loves hearing you talk dirty in your cute little voice.

He left you flop down next to him, tired enough to stop even after just one round. He looked over at you and kissed your forehead. Somehow, he was acting like the softest boyfriend ever after the way he’d just defiled you. “I’m sorry for that. You know I never get upset but I really did have an awful day. Sorry baby.” He hugged you, his bare chest pressing against yours. You kiss him and hug him back, “s’ okay. I really enjoy this, you know? You’re so sexy when you’re mad.” He blushed at how you recounted what had just happened. “You think so?” You nodded back to his question. You nuzzled your face into his neck, “when we’re done cuddling, we can clean up and I promise I’m gonna cook you something super yummy after. Okay?” He smiled even more and kissed you again, “you’re the best girlfriend ever, you know? Thank you!” He didn’t let go of you for a good while after.

bonus:

when you tried to get up, your legs felt like jelly and they nearly caved, causing you to stumble. soobin giggled at that and helped you back up, supporting most of your weight against his body. “sorry.” he shyly rubbed the back of his neck and took you to the shower.

#txt imagines #txt headcanons #txt reactions #txt x reader #soobin txt #soobin x reader #soobin smut #choi soobin #soobin #tomorrow x together #txt fic #txt smut

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ilikekidsshows · 3 days

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About the throwing CN in the trash can thing, I don‘t necessarily disagree, but why did you completely left out the whole thing about CN‘s constant flirting and calling them a couple and stuff, when LB made it clear multiple times in that episode and before that she doesn‘t like him that way and is bothered by many attempts to make a move on her. Especially in that episode, she‘s already pissed at Glaciator specifically because of it, and Paris as a whole for printing articles and putting up billboards everywhere. The only thing CN does with his shenanigans is irritate her even more, until she has enough.

If I were in a situation where a platonic friend did that to me, I‘d be pissed too. Sure, I probably wouldn‘t throw im in a trash can, but I’d maybe get a little loud at least.

Idk, the garbage toss might‘ve been too much, sure, but pretending like CN has no fault in the situation escalating like that is unfair and LB had all right to go off at him.

That was not what was asked

That's not how the episode frames it

I read over Ladybug and Cat Noir's discussion after the trashcan scene to make sure I understood what the takeaway was. Ladybug did not say, or even hint, that the problem was that Cat Noir went too far or was out of line. She has an issue with being reminded he has feelings for her, period.

This is the same episode where Marinette calls Adrien "my boyfriend who isn't my boyfriend yet" and takes advantage of him being upset to try to win him over romantically. Marinette is forcing her feelings onto Adrien even more than Cat Noir is forcing them on Ladybug, because he at least doesn't expect a relationship from Ladybug in return. The takeaway isn't "don't be too pushy", it's "Cat Noir shouldn't be a bother to Ladybug", because that's what all the lessons in this season seem to be.

And, like, just because Ladybug doesn't return his feelings doesn't mean Cat Noir should hide the fact that he's in love with her to make her feel better, especially since his flirtation is stated to just be an outlet where he doesn't expect reciprocation, that Ladybug understands is an outlet and that nothing is expected from her in return. ("I know your heart's in the right place and that you don't mean any harm.") This has never before been an issue for the two, and now it suddenly is, four seasons in? I don't buy it.

I know the episode is saying that yes, Cat Noir should, indeed, hide his feelings to make Ladybug feel better, but that's unhealthy and I've repeatedly said that the show repeatedly demanding Adrien bury all his feelings so that Marinette can ignore them is wrong.

I also kinda feel like this episode purposefully makes Cat Noir kinda out of character by exaggerating his behavior into such an obnoxious degree and that it was specifically done in order to justify Ladybug getting mad at him (kinda like 'Reflekdoll' implied he'd pranked Ladybug in the middle of a fight, something he'd never do, in order to justify Ladybug being angry in that episode), so it just all feels so fake to me and I can't take it seriously. When I see a show blatantly trying to manipulate me, I tend to veer into the opposite direction out of spite.

So, yes, I went easy on Cat Noir in this episode, but, as you said, that still didn't make anything I said about Ladybug's behavior untrue. Like, Ladybug has reasons to be pissed in this episode, but the writers think Cat Noir alone is the justified target, and that's what I disagree with.

Frankly, if they'd framed that Ladybug's unreasonable anger towards Cat Noir was caused by her totally justified anger at having her private life be so scrutinized, and built the episode around that, this could have been a really good episode that could teach kids about boundaries when it comes to their favorite celebrities. They literally have the framework for that within the episode, but decided to instead give us another "Cat Noir shouldn't even breathe if it bothers Ladybug" episode. It would have been especially valuable since a lot of kids these days are actually following social media or Youtube celebrities or will do so in a few years.

#ml salt #ml critical

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seramilla · 3 days

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Sera stepped over to Emily and pulled her into a tight hug and Emily wondered why she had never felt before just how desperate her sis-her mother's hugs were? As if she were scared that each would be her last...

"I love you Emily. I love you so so much more than you will ever know. And you have no idea...just how much I wanted to tell you before. To have you calling me mom this whole time and being able to proudly claim that you're my baby...but it...it's dangerous and I can't..." Sera choked and she held Emily closer, her wings wrapping around the smaller Seraphim.

"I can't lose you. It nearly killed me to lose Carmilla...if I hadn't learned that I was pregnant with you when I did it might have killed me. If I lost you..." Sera didn't finish the sentence but Emily knew.

Emily hugs Sera tighter. The familiar feeling of the High Seraphim's wings around her -- encircling her, encasing her smaller form like a protective cocoon, like when she was a child -- communicates all the love and maternal need Sera hasn't been able to show her until now. Sera has always protected her, sheltered her, and loved her. She didn't realize exactly how much until this moment.

"It's okay," Emily says, tears beginning to fall liberally down her cheeks. "I understand now. I'm sorry, too...for how ridiculous I've been. Making demands of you, when I could see how much you were hurting. I didn't mean to bring back all these memories."

Sera bends down to Emily's height, cupping each of her cheeks in her palms, and kissing each one. She rubs a stray tear from under her daughter's eye, and looks at her. Really looks at her, like she hasn't in a long time.

"You remind me so much of her," Sera says, smiling warmly. "We used to fight sometimes like this. She always had a way of making me be honest with myself. Like I should have been with you, from the very beginning."

"It's all right, Se--Mom," Emily says, correcting herself mid-way. "I know why you did. I understand. I wouldn't have trusted little me with that kind of secret, either."

Sera laughs. An honest, guttural laugh, that brings out a snicker from Emily's own mouth, as well. Sera pushes her forehead into Emily's, until their noses practically touch. Emily can smell the comforting, heavenly scents of oils that the older angel uses every day. The ones that are so familiar from her childhood, and remind her of Sera's hugs, and her protectiveness. Sera's always been her source of safety.

"I should have told you when you were ready. I should have trusted you sooner."

"Well, I know now," Emily says. "All I ever wanted was a mom. And today, you're telling me I have two? I'm so lucky!"

Sera smiles. But then, the smile diminishes somewhat, and she pulls away again. Sera looks off into the middle distance, staring longingly at something, somewhere, that Emily cannot see. She can tell Sera is thinking about Carmilla at that moment. She also realizes that every other time Sera has made this particular expression...she'd probably been thinking about Carmilla then, too.

How awful it must have been, Emily thinks, to see the person you love go through something like that.

Emily hugs Sera again, tightly around the waist. She cannot change what happened in the past, but maybe she can help her mother forget it for a while, if only for a moment.

"I love you, Mom," Emily says, saying that word like she's said it a million times. She probably has, she thinks, inside her own head.

"I love you, too, sweetheart," Sera says, crying again, and rubbing Emily's soft hair. "I love you so much."

#hazbin hotel #sera hazbin hotel #carmilla carmine #seramilla #emily hazbin hotel #ask #anon #fan theories #fallen angels lies and love au

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amusedphan · 1 day

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i was humming off danandphilbeats lazy saturday and it occurred to me that it would be a sick beat to rap to. (i have never rapped before). and, uh. <3

youtube

(↑yewchube for views) also why is this the best keys solo i've done in my life

lyrics under readmore bc fuck knows i'm lyric blind at least (look at my double entendres boy):

paying bills with creativity is never quite the same

tear your soul apart and sell it to a demon known as fame

being thrust into the limelight, a martyr-turned-saint

we all want the sacrifice but no one wants the pain

o, holy, patron saint of the gaze

that we cast upon you, where we choose to erase

all that splits you in two—no longer abstruse

when we raze what we choose—until we relate to the

things that you do and the words that you say,

to the people you are - why, it’s better this way!

you can make no mistakes, you are toys for our play

we’ll give you our money for your lives as our pay

come change the precedent, come change the game

come change the meaning of love once again

don’t be so reticent, don’t be ashamed

we know what you’re feeling, we know everything

amen, two men, why’d i care about them?

were they my paper dolls, my imaginary friends?

well i loved them as a girl, now i love them as a man

open up can-a-di-can

i’m not a rapper, i’m a poet

so lemme pick these seeds of words and maybe then i’ll sow it

keep it down to earth with the way i’m hoein’ round

i’ve planted my ideas, now it’s time to break it down

[sick fl studio pack whirley solo break]

died for our sins, from our sins you arise

only truth in lion’s being part of a pride

this was not an accident, just a surprise

that we’ve never been alone when we’re different inside

trials and tribulations, you’ve bestowed us exaltations

more precious than all riches, you have given us hope

that has pulled us through the night, found us warmth, gave us light, even

living as an adult, when i find the need to cope, i’ll be

playin paper dolls on my lazy saturday

#dan and phil #phan #danandphilbeats #dnp #phil lester #daniel howell #amazingphil #pleeeeeaseee pwease interact w the youtube video and reblog. it only took like two days to finish writing the lines and a day to record/do #the solo. mastering actually took up a lot of that bc i just fuck around and find out. but i'm akshually kinda proud of this one #dont cry craft #mandont #Youtube

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bigfan-fanfic · 1 day

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The Man With The Plan (Nerd!Steve Rogers)

requested by @inhumanshadows for nerd!Steve guest starring on CR or Dimension20

"And, that's right, gang, we have a very special new friend here for this adventure - please welcome Steve Rogers to the Dimension20 table!" Brennan introduces, indicating Steve, who sits directly across from him.

Steve chuckles and waves bashfully to the camera.

Emily smirks and stage whispers to the woman to her right, Marisha. "You and Matt must be SO mad you didn't get Captain America on your show, right?"

Marisha bursts into laughter and looks apologetically at Matt. "I mean, you gotta admit-"

"No, no, I'm absolutely gonna hold it over Brennan that I got to be in his party first."

"Hey, there's plenty of me to go around. I've been obsessed with this game since my boyfriend introduced it to me." Steve chuckles casually.

Aabria grins. "Yeah, watch him wipe the floor with us."

"Absolutely wreck us with his mad skills." Emily snickers.

They're playing a Dungeons and Dragons style campaign, in a classic fantasy setting - a classic campaign in a homebrewed setting infused with Brennan's humor and style.

Most people have been betting on what Steve's character would be when his guest star status was announced - most people assuming he'd take a paladin or fighter.

No one was expecting Steve to play a wizard! A creative caster with a ton of utility spells, whose robes Steve slyly describes as spangled.

"With stars?" Marisha chuckles.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" he teases back.

There are some lighthearted jokes, and Steve playfully admits he's never played a wizard before and is excited to try something new, and he gets to talk a little about playing with you.

The first time Steve derails an encounter, it's with the Jump spell, and everyone freezes when people realize that Steve's second highest ability score is Strength, and his wizard leaps easily out of reach to rain spells from above, and then leaps down to grapple the last archer until the others can reach him.

Steve's enhanced mental capacity lends itself well to studying his spell list and using them creatively.

It's also an instant meme to see Brennan's face upon realizing Steve is a wizard effectively both jumping and grappling.

Steve ends up playing really well with the group - he's naturally good at reading the room and supporting others, and Matt and Aabria are really good at drawing him into story beats.

Steve and Aabria's characters end up forming the romantic core of the season - playing out a heartfelt story where their characters are involved, and his changeling wizard keeps trying to alter his appearance to look better for her and she gets to tell him that she loves him for who he is.

Brennan playfully says now he has two archnemeses at his table - Emily's creativity and Steve's tactics.

It turns out to be a very good short season of Dimension20, and Steve's creative use of spells makes him an incredible support player, and people are clamoring for him to play again.

He probably won't join the cast or anything, but he is happy to be a reoccurring guest, and to show up for some one shots with some of the Critical Role gang.

He's genuinely a joy to play with, if you can handle him dismantling encounters with superior tactics and wild uses of spells.

And now when he goes to conventions and such, he gets more people coming up to him about his tabletop gaming than about being Captain America, and that just makes him smile.

And anything that makes him smile has just got to be a good thing.

#steve rogers x male reader #captain america x male reader #captain america headcanons #marvel headcanons #headcanons #male reader

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resident-idiot-simp · 1 day

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Price being ready to murder Riley was NOT what I was expecting but I'm here for it. Are we allowed to ask for hcs for this au? Because honestly im curious what Riley thinks of Price and such.

- Kidney Anon (who is wearing their nametag with pride)

Not expecting Price to want to kill Riley? You must be new here lmao

Me and Az-

Omegas are very much dominant in this universe

Az-

(about Price) at first he's like meh, another alpha but quickly doesn't like his attitude to Tav

Tav loves how Riley is protective but also so bemused at someone being protective over him

The moment Riley realised he had a real chance with Tav he started a whole 10 year plan

(how they get together) So shit goes real south on a mission, Tav's injured and the meds and stress and timing all fuck up his hormones/suppressents. So its just them and they need to get it under control, etc, becoming fwb. Riley's like "chance!" and Tav is happy to have a decent alpha around who doesn't make his teeth ache

Me-

Riley goes into rut and starts begging for Tav. Tav sees it him but it's actually something deeper so that's how they get together

Also Price helped with his heat a few times (before MW2) so he thinks he's entitled to something more with Tav

Also with them being made Price can't take advantage of Tav so it prevents everything that goes wrong (essay on what I mean)

Az-

Riley going on leave for rut only to have his neighbour call up Tav because "your alpha won't shut up, come and deal with him!" It works tho since Tav expected Riley to find another omega

(more will come)

Price staring to say dismissive things about his chosen alpha, ignoring their mating bond to suggest he could be better. Imagining he says this infront of other 141 who all share a look and slowly start backing away

Me-

Roach is their son in this universe

Also all the 141 alpha's/Beta's sniff after MacTavish like he's the holy Grail

Price trys so hard to separate them and he's doing double time and trying to convince Tav to drop Riley. Price is convinced that if Riley dies the bond will break.. and normally it would but maybe there's something deeper tying them together

(Az) alternatively, he steps a little to out of line at some point, like just before they're about to set out on that mission, and Tav just snaps. is he hormonal and preggers? maybe.

It's all going fine until MacTavish just freezes and just start screaming at him. He has been putting up with his BS for far too long. He drags him through the mud. Pulls out every insecurity Price didn't even know he had. Gloats that he'll never be with Price that he needs to get over it. He wasn't a good alpha no matter how much he thought he was

Az-

"I've ripped out the throats of alpha Generals who were more useful than you are."

"You couldn't get me to bend as a rookie SGT without pushing me down, I voluntarily go to my knees for Simon"

"You don't want me, you don't want a strong omega, you want someone you can dominate. You want me because having me come to heal for you would be the biggest ego stroke there is."

Tav leaning in to whisper into a shocked Price's ear: "he prefers getting on his knees for me"

(me) And you don't know him. You don't know what an honor it is to have that alpha to trust you with his life. I've killed alphas for less then what you are insinuating now. But that alpha he has never wanted anything more than I would give him. And he thinks me for every scrap I throw him

Price looking around expecting some support from all the alphas standing around gawking except they're all basically enthralled with Tav

Roach shipped it from the start now he's doing everything he can to ensure he gets those sibling in year 6 of the plan

I also like the idea of Tav either ripping his throat out or like shooting/stabbing his arm and basically forcing his retirement

(preg Tav) they only find out a while after the fallout tho, when Shepherd tries some shit and he does rip his throat out, its not heat related and he didn't attack tav or riley so they have to investigate. A pregnant omega killing an alpha is pretty much the same

Me

Tav also 100% gets even more mean when he's pregnant. It's like a switch flipped man is outright hostile and Riley loves every minute of it

People confuse Riley for the pregnant Omega because of just how much he smells of Tav and it makes Tav irrationally happy.

Tavs mentality while pregnant is, 'If I can't be more pregnant I'll make him pregnant' so the sex is wild

Az-

riley, shocked, sitting at the table: "...."

soldier: "aren't u gonna celebrate? bout time honestly, thought with the way u 2 got at it the cap would've been bred long ago"

riley: "if it were that easy, i'd be the one pregnant"

soldier: "...."

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liltaz-asatreat · 2 years

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I don't remember if I ever made a post about this, but for a long time I thought Griffin made up the whole clone pod thing to give Barry an excuse to get his body back again and then eventually also Magnus, and that that was a cool little world building thing. But I found out a while go that no, apparently it's a real spell called Clone from the Player's Handbook. 8th level necromancy wizard spell.

Also, it takes specifically 120 days for a body to form completely, which means that technically, Barry could have popped into his body again since before Petals lol

In the spell description, it also says that you can make the body younger, and I love the fact that he had that option but chose to keep himself the same age anyway

Also, since Magnus first gave Garfield his blood during the interlude before Crystal Kingdom, technically his body would have been ready since around the Eleventh Hour, and Garfield decided to just hold on to it for another few months without doing anything with it lmao

OH SHIT WAIT-

GRIFFIN THOUGHT MAGNUS WAS GOING TO TAKE THE CHALICE AND THAT HE WAS GOING TO DIE DURING THE MISSION TO GET IT BACK FROM HIM

HE SPECIFICALLY MADE IT SO THAT IF HE DID DIE, MAGNUS' BODY WOULD HAVE BEEN READY TO GO THEN TOO

Man I love how that whole arc played out in canon, but I so wish we had gotten to know what would have happened if Magnus did take the Chalice and how that would have played out

#With Magnus' body being ready by TEH though; that also means Garfield requesting his sideburns was him just being a dick lmfao #I also love how it's been about 2 years since I've started listening to this show and have relistened to Balance countless times #and even now I can still find new things to think about it and also read other people's thoughts that I've never considered before #oh; also; I just realized that I didn't clarify how I knew specifically when shit would have happened; but I don't think it's that #important to add to the post #if someone asks; I'll reblog with the answer or maybe just make a whole new post about it; but essentially I figured out the rough timeline #of when all of the arcs happened canonically based on the offhand comments Griffin made about how long it's been between arcs #which; figuring out when Petals happened was a fucking nightmare because he didn't specify how long it had been since Rockport or Midsummer #and I kept missing how long he said it was between Crystal Kingdom and Petals; but I eventually did catch that and figured it out #and gang; it is a *long* stretch of time between Rockport and Petals lol #taz #taz balance #barry bluejeans #magnus burnsides

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dykeinthedark · 2 months

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venting in tags about gender n shit (long as hell) (u can comment and talk 2 me as always :3)

#okay so i got a really masc haircut about a month ago and i know it's just a haircut but holy shit has it changed EVERYTHING for me #like.... i've always leaned masc except 1) before i came out 2) when i was actively in love with someone who i knew liked femmes #and they always described me as a fem. because that's what i showed her. because i wanted to be with her.#but lowkey whenever i'm in a not-impressing-anyone raw-dogging-life-no-crush era i always resort to a very masc style #like masc being my default and i'd only lean fem to impress people whether it's for love or peer pressure in a specific setting #like ''dressing up'' has always been a form of drag to me. like something i HAD to do to fit in or impress my parents (scott favor core)#but ever since this haircut i've realized... i could just BE masc innately like i really don't have to be womanly if i don't want to #which i usually don't. again i have only ever dressed fem for other people. but it's not even being masc that attracts me on its own #it's like. being masc in a distinctly lesbian way. as in whenever i look in the mirror i don't wanna be like a Guy i wanna be a dyke.#like lesbian as a gender identity too sort of thing honestly. okay i've been waffling but basically i sort of want to call myself butch #but i don't know if i like... can?? if i'm allowed to???#everyone always says it's MORE than just wearing boy clothes and not wearing makeup and having short hair (which i already do all those)#i mean i've always id'd as genderqueer because it literally just means gender weird and i experience gender in a queer way #what's probably the most telling is that my friends (all queer) CALL me a butch lesbian #like every time they do i feel really internally validated. it's not just my clothes but my personality too ig is what people tell me #i have a higher pitched voice relatively speaking but apparently the way i talk is quote ''very clockably into women''#which?? gender euphoria asf. my best friend specifically he (gay trans guy) always uses butch to describe me very intuitively #people have also noticed that i ''transitioned'' in all aspects except hormonally. like ppl have commented and noticed my masculinzation #but at the same time i always feel rly haunted by my ex relationships because one wanted me to be more masc #(she's the one who came out as straight and would treat me like a man) which i didn't like and i didn't like playing up being fem either #bc now it feels like she (butch) won't believe me if i called myself butch too bc she remembers me being femme #idk i feel like there's her voice in my head all the time that sees everything i do through her eyes (i'm lowkey still in love)#i feel like even though this comes so naturally to me i must be putting on a performance #even though i've actually read stone butch blues and done research into the history and i truly love and id with the culture like i rly do #that im still just a sad imitation of a butch lesbian and can never really be a part of it because i used to enjoy dressing up sometimes #like it's so stupid but can i still be butch if i wore a dress to prom and i think i looked good in it??#even though i was envious of my friends who wore suits?? that i used to try goth makeup?? that i liked long dresses??#that i enjoyed stacked necklaces and rings on every finger???#and tbh ALL OF THAT CAME FROM A CONCIOUS EFFORT TO FEMINIZE MYSELF IN JUNIOR YEAR OF HIGHSCHOOL WHEN I WAS 16 #because omfg it was 2 months before junior prom and i was worried that i was too masc and wanted to get comfortable with being fem

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the-eldritch-it-gay · 3 months

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@thedragonagelesbian replied to your post “Oughhhh they're in love...”:

what's going thru majexatli's mind during the dance?? the people (me) want to know

Oh,.. So much. They're trying to play it cool but their mind is racing so much.

Because like, it's such a genuine and sweet moment, yeah? And Majexatli is I think like, really realizing like "oh he cares about me" and also "oh fuck, I think I seriously care about him". Like, they had kissed Wyll at the tiefling party and from the beginning have been on his side and caring about him. But I think the dance is when they like, properly realize like oh, oh, this is more than just some flirting or a quick fling.

Majexatli has never really been romanced. Over the decades since Althyran, they've hooked up on occasion, and other than those flings, their only prior experience is Althyran. And I think there is a bit of that realization, right, the fact that Althyran never was romantic, he never would have danced with them. They had normalized it so much in their head, convinced themselves Althyran was kind and had at some point cared about him. But the more they experience love and affection now with Wyll, they realize just how much they've missed out on.

There's like, what I said once about how with Althyran, Majexatli wanted some storybook romance. They thought Althyran was some prince charming. All they wanted was a love story where they end up married and have a family, and that's still something they cling to as an ideal. They never got that with Althyran. And now here Wyll is, teaching them how to dance by the fireside, saying how he wants to romance them properly, like the old tales of love sung by bards. Wyll is the ideal partner they've dreamed about. The ideal that they've basically given up on and believed they would never get or deserve.

There is something wonderous and soft and new and blooming and alive in the kindness and love and sincerity Wyll shows towards them.

But it also brings up a lot of fear and doubt and angst.

But! They still have their initial knee-jerk reaction of this has to be an act. And they have the feeling that Wyll loves the persona they've put on, he wants to romance the gentle sage Druid, not the bitter monsterous Malarite that they are. And the guilt that they feel they're lying to him by letting him fall in love with a version of them that is fake.

So you know. There's just. So many layers.

Having a genuine moment of respite from all the horrors

Experiencing genuine romance for the first time in their life

Realizing how much Wyll cares for them and that he loves them

Realizing that they somehow have grown to deeply love and care for Wyll despite everything

Realizing that they can have the fairytale romance they wanted when they were younger

Realizing how far from a fairytale everything with Althryan was

Fearing that if Wyll is genuine, then they've been horrifically dishonest and cruel by letting him fall for a version of them that isn't real

Fearing that maybe Wyll is like Althyran, like they thought initially (they thought Althyran and what he gave them was something picturesque and magical, though know in hindsight it wasn't. What if years down the line they look back and see that they were wrong for believing Wyll was some prince-charming type)

Fearing that they're falling into the same trap they did when they were younger with Althyran.

Fearing that they don't belong in a fairytale romance or a love story

Fun fact. The WIP I've shared a bit of? With Wyll fighting a wolf (that is Majexatli)? Yeah. So. In my canon, that happens the same night, after the dance. They hold themselves together long enough but once Wyll returns to his tent, Majexatli transforms and runs off into the night to tear apart anything they can find that's living.

They don't know how to process everything they're feeling, but to them, their worship of Malar is about honesty, about truth, as messy and violent as the honest truth can be. They need to work through all the issues that Althyran left them with and come to terms with their feelings for Wyll (as terrifying as they are) and Wyll's feelings for them. So much old pain and new worries and unknowns and not knowing how to move forward. And they can't process it all as Majexatli, they need to be the messy imperfect emotional being that they only feel they can be when they're a monster.

Something something fantasy high junior year and all the talk about the relationship between doubt and rage.

#majexatli is like oh im in love and being loved for the first time #and thats wonderful and life changing #but it also means that I've never been loved before this and I can now see everything I was denied and missed out on #and I'm in uncharted waters without a raft #and the only way I can let myself feel emotions fully and let myself be angry at the past and everything #is to be a monster #and I feel like a feral dog being offered kindness and shelter for the first time and I want to bite and hurt before you hurt me #anyways sorry for rambling hfsdjkfdkjdshfskjdhfkjdsf #the fun thing about this is that i'm realizing its almost something I've done before #I've very much hit on like #'being given freedom for the first time is wonderful and intoxicating'#'but being given freedom for the first time also means realizing everything you've been denied before now'#Amal (my Surana) has stuff about that. but they don't have the anger part. they just dissociate #salam plays bg3 #oc: majexatli #the eldritch dragon age

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elisedonut · 4 months

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Trans boy Percy can be a lot of fun

just a lot of people have a tendency to make it something he comes out about Pre-canon and that it changes nothing

while I'm over here like I firmly believe that Molly would not have continued having kids if she thought she already had a daughter

and i think she would be annoying as hell about him figuring himself out I just think she would be so disrespectful about it

Molly would be a "but your ruining yourself! you are my baby girl!" while crying type of parent and I believe that in my heart

She would guilt trip Percy like crazy about it while feeling 100% like she's doing the right thing.

Do I think that maybe she would realize after a few years that she's being absolutely terrible? I mean like I would hope so

#percy weasley #Now Post-war Trans-girl Percy finally letting herself be free and no longer caring about what her family thinks?#is amazing and i love that concept #i feel like every non shipping post i could want to make about Percy is one i've already made at this point #ik I've talked about trans!Percy before but im going to do it again #Tw: transphobia #trans!percy weasley #I firmly believe Molly would continue introducing Percy as her daughter im sorry #i just think she would be transphobic i don't think she would spew like truelly heinous things like hoping Percy dies or anything #but i do think she would never respect Percy's pronouns or only respect them when she's happy with him #does this mean i think transboy!Percy can't be done? no obviously not that is dumb you can do whatever you want #its just most depictions i've seen have been very the Weasleys all accept him or at the worst the twins make like one joke and drop it #when i just don't think it would go like that personally #though wish fulfillment is also just a good time so *shrug*#This has been hiding in my drafts for who knows how long so I'm freeing her #molly weasley critical

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sysig · 3 months

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Someone’s looking out for you ♥ (Patreon)

#Doodles #SCII #Helix #ZEX #Crackship #Wally West this time! :D #Their flirting is the cutest <3 <3 #But first! ZEX's uniform!!!!! JKFLdhsafjdf <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 #I've always liked his uniform - he looks beautiful in it it's quite fun to draw it's pretty it's flowy - very good piece of clothing do like #How something as simple as missing it for a week makes such a huge impact <3 Hhghh gods the way he describes getting it back ♥♪♫#I've never appreciated the Feeling of his uniform on his body before now and hhh what a difference it makes!#Genuinely like a tactile understanding to complement the emotional <3 Feeling and feelings! It's so lovely! Ahh <3 #It goes back to being a question mark over everything once he starts to really think through the implications but for A Moment #And he gets to snuggle a human the same night :D Everything going so well!#Wally's so funny lol he's got ZEX making The most obvious come ons he possibly can flirting his little alien heart out #And he's just like ''But do you actually want to? Do you /really/ want to??'' Haha ♪#It's very sweet honestly! Very attentive and careful <3 I'm always appreciative of anyone who treats ZEX well ♥#But no he definitely Does Not mean pretty much anything platonically lol #What was it how did I describe him in my notes and haven't been able to stop laughing about lol -#Ah yes - Wally doesn't need to worry because ZEX is a ''hedonistic pleasurebeast'' lol #I also like how Wally is the first(? if I remember correctly) of ZEX's Type starting to develop haha ♪#Sure he likes all humans but if he happens to lean one way more than another hehehe ♫#I'm doubly fascinated by his self-awareness (and lack thereof) around submissiveness - he's very sensitive as a human!#He's still quite aggressive but also easily overwhelmed ♪ It's a very interesting combo to me :3c #And any further insight into his proclivities delights me hehe <3 #Heart eyes ZEX >>>>>> ♥♪♫#And a few silly little doodles as well :D The first one's just a random chibi lol he's cute! ♪#The second is of him trying a Starburst hehe he's so cute <3 I was so curious as to how he'd react to candy/sugar so lovely to see!#And thus far he hasn't had any alcohol - good Max has had enough - but I got my favourite Catawba so tipsy doodle it is lol #All the cutests <3 <3

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inniave · 28 days

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after surgery i'm buying myself pentiment goddamnit

#reasons to live #also new doctor who episodes #i've been wanting to play for soooo long but haven't really had the money to spend #so i'm using this as an excuse #trying to focus on all the fun/good/cool things that i can do after #seeing hozier later in the summer #watching the wild flowers come up in the backyard #this is hell but i will get through it and there WILL be an other side i will make sure of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#there's a chance we can get it done tomorrow if the doctor thinks it won't be super complicated #i hope we can cause the longer this goes the more we suffer #i just want it to be over #once i'm all healed i am going to smoke a cigarette and savor every fucking puff i haven't been able to smoke for over a k month now :/#another thing to look forward too #and i think i have a vinyl preordered???? am can never remember what other parts have bought #oh and i'm going to binge rewatch the hunger games (all of them) after surgery #been meaning to do that & im using this as an excuse to do nothing but watch movies all day #got some audiobooks downloaded that hopefully they'll let me listen to during (unless it's going to be loud (??) then i have music)#i'm taking my puppy stuffie husband got me when we had to live apart for a summer before we got married #puppy is so special to me #he goes everywhere with me #i love him so much #i would just hold him and cry and cry and cry when husband had to leave :((((#i am so scared #there's so many young parts too who are just i mean they are the ones holding a lot of this shit like i cant imagine what it's like for the #the little bit that leaks through to me is horrific and makes me want to fucking vomit #i'm worried for them #they're splitting bad :((( and i don't have any way to help #we're doing our tapping and tre and everything but idk how much that helps on the inside #idk man #it's all so much

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todayisafridaynight · 1 year

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Snap, ur basically a microceleberty on a tumblr blog. I would be surprised if your inbox WASN'T utter chaos with the amount of fandoms you're in.

dont call me a microcelebrity it's going to do irreparable damage to my ego and im going to become even more insufferable

#snap chats #HONESTLY ILL BE TBH RN something mustve shifted in the water cause only now are my RGG asks gettin wild #can we imagine the chaos if i actually did keep all my shit to one blog My Fucking God #see thats why i make new blogs tho to keep it all organized and so i can give the ecosystem time to heal before im found again :)#and then my inbox explodes #NO BUT REAL TALK REAL TALK i love how i can tell who's been on my trail and who legit just got here #cause people who Just Got Here ask me like #'actual' questions about the series or want to expand on a topic from the series #and then the people who been here are sending me asks abot king of skill and fire emblem #i love it it's a beautiful thing #but anyway to the 'microcelebrity' thing id hardly call myself that if i may be modest and/or an idiot #it never feels like it- i mean i get a lot of asks so that's one thing #i guess it's cause i never see myself mentioned outside my spaces which.#thatd imply im looking for people to say things about me..... which im not good god dont perceive me #at most i know someone reposted my DB animatic to reddit and that blew up #and i know the RGG reddit takes my posts a lot. So I've Heard #but thats about it- my bubble is generally still very small i never really get much attention outside of here #tho i wouldnt expect people from reddit to make a twitter or log on to twitter just to message me #idk where this ramble's going 'microcelebrity' triggered my brain and now im sharing every thought ive had bout possibily being one #feels conceited to say i am one tho. but it also seems facetious to /not/ partially admit to at least being recognizable in some spaces #ok NOW im stopping this ramble i dont know where im going i have class soon and i dont wanna go #i will tho. dont skip class kids

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fellwhite · 2 years

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It's happening

Im self sabotaging again, as I've done all my life

This is a vent, you have been warned

#all happiness i had from the date has completely died out #I don't know what happened nor what to feel #up to yesterday she was messaging me for simple things with a couple pet names and just being lovely #yet today when we finally see each other again? colder than the fucking stone she's never been this cruel before #im totally willing to be with her in the good and the bad...but it's hard to do when anything you do gets completely rejected or ignored #i knew that this was a possibility of course but with how perfect everything was i don't understand i truly don't #im confused and on the verge of crying but I've been holding it back the whole day...the better the thing the worse the consecuence i guess #thank fucking god im no longer suicidal (i mean depression is always there but i can fight it now) because this would've surely left a scar #I just don't understand anything... why is this even happening where did i go wrong and how can i even fix it #thing is: although I'll definitely end up blaming myself i do know it's also something on her end #atleast in these moments of sanity i don't feel that guilty yet but I'll be dying in these following times #...guess this does confirm that it's not a simple crush but actual love right? because I've never felt this hurt before #like i don't give up and I don't plan to because with her i have experienced some of the happiest moments of my entire life #i know it's worth it... but i don't know how much more i can keep taking before crumbling apart #ah. this is why refused to let myself fall for someone again until a long time but that attempt was poorly executed #again though. what I've lived with her will stay on my mind and... if it comes to the worst I'll atleast treasure the memories i could keep #anyways ill end this here. i needed some venting because everything is aching right now but this does help even if just a little #vent

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