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yamigooops · 1 year

Text

DiE4U

“you know that i’d die for, i’d cry for you know that i’d die for you you know that i’d breathe for, i’d bleed for you know that i’d breathe for you” - ‘DiE4U’ by Bring Me the Horizon

summary: when you are given the mission to infiltrate bakugou katsuki’s life and become his lover in order to quietly assassinate him, you never expected it to make your world crumble around you…

words: 16.7k

warnings: enemies to lovers? fluff to angst, main character death, seriously no happy ending, fem reader, oral sex (fem receiving), cockwarming, light impact play (literally one spank), light degradation, unprotected sex (WRAP THAT WILLY FOLKS), general dirty talk… if i missed anything let me know

a/n: i’ve literally worked on this piece for months and now that it’s finally done i don’t know what to do with myself… i cried multiple times while writing it, as it’s literally one of the saddest things i’ve ever read, much less written. so hopefully it makes you cry too because i don’t wanna be the only one. if it does lemme know because i want to know if i hit my goal lol. i’d say enjoy but hopefully you’ll be broken by the end soooo…….

It was always going to end like this. But it was never meant to hurt so badly, was never supposed to be this excruciating. Falling in love wasn’t part of the plan, and now you were paying the price.

It started almost a year ago. May 24th, an unassuming Wednesday afternoon. You’d been on your way home when you fell victim to a villain attack. However, the whole thing lasted hardly any time at all as Pro Hero Dynamight was on the scene in seconds when he heard your panicked scream from just down the street.

Now, it wasn’t his usual protocol to give his number out to victims. But he was so overcome with your beauty and courage in the face of danger that when you asked him for those ten digits he couldn’t help but scribble them down on a scrap of paper you handed him. He hadn’t planned on responding to your messages that night either, yet he found himself doing so anyway. His fingers flew across his screen as he accepted your offer to buy him a coffee the next morning, and the rest is history.

Coffee dates turned into grand dinners, which then became late-night ramen runs to his favorite hole-in-the-wall stalls after spending the night together. His days off were spent in your company, and his closet eventually came to house a small portion of your wardrobe. His bed came to bear two divots instead of just one, and his shower now held more soaps and bath necessities than it ever had in the past.

He invited you into every part of his life, and you tried desperately not to get too attached, knowing it would only hurt more in the long run. But dammit he made it so hard.

Waking up to the feeling of his calloused fingertips running soothing circles at the base of your spine had become one of your favorite feelings in the world. The love he held for you was so apparent in that small action that it nearly broke your heart.

Nearly.

You still had a job to do, and the end date was fast approaching whether you wanted it to or not. The day would come that all of this would come to an abrupt halt, and you’d have to move on with your life as if nothing had happened in the first place, hoping you’d made the right decision and that you could live with yourself after it happened.

But that was for future you to deal with. Right now, you let yourself bask in this soporific atmosphere. Took in the light that spilled through the crack in the curtains. Shifted your feet slightly as you readjusted atop your lover, legs tangled in the soft sheets. His chest rose and fell with the calm tempo of his breath as his heart pumped steadily within it, drumming a beat that you wished would never end.

But the nagging voice in the back of your head reminded you that if all went according to plan that beat would be cut short all too soon.

You adjusted slightly above him, positioning yourself against his bare skin so you could access the thick column of his throat. You placed delicate kisses on the skin there, glossing over the marks blooming from the night before. They’d last a few days at least, and the thought made you grin before you realized they’d likely still be there when you had to…

No, this wasn’t the time to think of that. In a few hours, you’d be on a plane headed to a beautiful destination with your lover. You were going to have the best few days of your life, and you refused to let the future destroy those plans.

“Mornin’ cutie,” Katsuki rumbled, eyes still shut as he continued to trace along your back with all the ease of a man with a day off.

“G’morning love,” you mumbled against his skin. Your fingers delved into his soft, tangled hair as you nipped at his ear, pulling a breathy chuckle from his lips.

“You ready to head to paradise?”

You sighed, nodding. “Boy am I ever. A whole four days of just you, no hero work, no distractions?” You pulled back enough to look at his sleepy, beautiful face. He cracked one eye open to meet your gaze as you hesitated for a moment. “Sounds like a dream come true,” you whispered in awe.

A genuine smile caught the corners of his mouth and tugged, cracking open that all-too-stern expression and giving way to a happier one. An expression you found you could look at from dawn until dusk, one you saw in your dreams. That smile would come to haunt you, but in this moment it was everything you ever needed and more.

Suddenly, he was rolling you over and pressing your back into the mattress, his arms caging you in and his thick thighs framing yours. “You don’t think you’ll get sick of me, huh?” He murmured as he buried his face in your neck, lips brushing your skin ever so lightly. “Don’t think you’ll want some time to yourself?”

You could barely breathe, your head descending into the fog of lust as he slowly ground his – very conveniently—bare hips against yours. His length was already hardening, and the breath caught in your throat as you lifted your hands to run your fingers over his chest. You savored the feeling of his hard muscle, overlayed by countless scars and a dusting of chest hair that you found incredibly attractive.

“And miss out on all this?” You hummed, dragging your nails lightly from his shoulders down over his pecs before looping your arms under his and caressing his back, pulling him closer. “Why would I ever do that?”

“Haven’t you heard, baby?” He moved farther down your neck, his lips dusting over your collarbones as he continued. “I must be ‘brutish and savage in bed, a complete asshole of a partner.’ Because the tabloids know everything, after all.” He made it to the valley of your breasts, and you unhooked your arms from him before winding them through his hair once more.

“And who said I don’t like assholes, hmm?” Your back arched involuntarily as he pressed a particularly sweet kiss against your sternum, sending shivers up your spine.

He chuckled above you before shoving the duvet off the both of you with a huff and readjusting. He pulled each of your legs up one at a time, kissing from your knee up the inside of your thigh before switching to the other with a shit-eating grin at your needy whine. Before he reached your core after the second leg, he grabbed a pillow and eased both of your legs over his shoulders. He then slid the pillow beneath your hips and settled down on his elbows and stared at the scene before him. He had a look similar to reverence in his eyes as his hands soothed over your hips and stomach, and it had your heart fluttering in your chest.

“Why’re you looking at me like that,” you mumbled, trying not to sound too needy or embarrassed, but knowing you didn’t succeed at either.

“Just taking in the meal before I dig in.” His voice sent a thrill through you, and you didn’t even mind the use of a cheesy line when he said it like that – with such intensity and love that it made you want to melt into a puddle before he had even started.

But then he began, and digging in could hardly explain what he was doing to you. He savored you, taking his time working you up with languid swirls and strokes of his tongue. He switched between stimulating your clit and delving as deep into your depths as possible. When you got too used to one method he would jump back over to the other to keep you on your toes, which were currently curled as your heels dug into his back.

The breaking point was after he slipped two fingers into you, easing them in and out of your slick hole as his tongue worked on that sweet bundle at the apex of your thighs. Your grip on his hair had him moaning against your aching sex, and with one strategic curl of his fingers, he had you crumbling. Had you been standing your legs would have given out completely. The sound he ripped out of you was primal, almost animalistic, and as he worked you through your orgasm you saw your life with this man play out on the backs of your eyelids.

You’d get married in the next few years, and have a kid or two. He would continue with his hero work but would cut back on it a bit to be there for his family. You would put your children through all of the best schools, and make sure they got the best educations possible, so they’d have the opportunity to be whatever they wanted when they grew up. Katsuki would eventually retire, and once your children were all grown up and moved out you’d go somewhere magical, maybe even travel the world together.

But as the euphoria left your veins and Katsuki moved to hover over you, your essence glistening on his lips and chin, you reminded yourself to stay in this moment. To not get too far ahead of yourself. That would only bring more pain. And right now, you were about to get your brains fucked out.

As the two of you sat together on the private jet later that day, Katsuki’s hand rested on your bare thigh, his thumb stroking the soft skin there as he skimmed through a few work files with the other hand.

“Hey, I thought you said no work on vacation. Didn’t your sidekicks even yell at you to take a break?” You huffed, leaning your head against his shoulder with a pout on your lips.

He chuckled, squeezing the meat of your thigh lightly. “I said no work on vacation. I never said anything about on the way to vacation.” He pressed a kiss to your hair before returning to the documents. “Besides, what else is there to do to pass the time? It’s not like we can throw a party with just the two of us.”

You sighed, relegating yourself to spending so much of your remaining time with the man of your dreams watching him read through reports before the most obvious solution came to mind.

“Well,” you started, rising from your seat, and easing the tray above his lap off to the side as you stepped in front of him. “It might not be a party, but as you said, it’s just the two of us…” Thankfully the two of you had been seated on a couch along the side of the cabin, so there was ample room to place your knees on either side of his thighs. You pulled up your thin, flowy dress enough that it wasn’t caught beneath you as you settled on his lap, knees folded beneath you. Your hands found the sides of his face as you stroked at his cheeks, smoothing out his scowl lines as you gave him a soft, flirty smile.

“Besides, I heard there’s some club you get to join? The sky-high club – something like that…”

He placed his hands loosely on your waist, tilting his head slightly to look at you with hooded eyes and an emerging smirk. “The mile-high club, you mean?”

“Yeah,” you smiled, letting the word slide off your glossed lips like honey. “That one. Never done it before. Wanted to do it with you on that last flight, but it was too crowded. What better time than now when we have the whole plane to ourselves?” As you spoke, you ground your hips against his ever so slowly. The friction wasn’t enough to do much, just enough to try to convince him to follow up.

“Baby,” he sighed, closing his eyes. “I wanted to get this shit done before we landed so I didn’t have to worry about anything while we’re there…”

“That’s okay, I can sit still,” you shrugged. “Just… need you so bad.” Your glossy pout was working its magic, grinding him down until he couldn’t say no and gave you whatever you wanted. And right now, that was him. Inside you. For as long as he would allow, or until one of you broke. Whichever came first.

He raised a brow, looking at you skeptically. “You seriously think you can do it?” He lowered his voice, gripping your chin and tugging you closer until you could feel his minty breath on your cheeks. “Remember last time, when you wouldn’t listen, and I had to discipline you? And over my desk too,” he tsked, shaking his head in disappointment.

You shook your own in response. “No, I promise. I can do it. I just need you so bad,” you begged, your hands slipping down to grip the fabric of his shirt.

“You really think you’ll last? I mean, we still have…” He looked down to check his watch for the time. “Two and a half hours. You think you can make it two whole hours? If you can, you get to do whatever you want for the last half hour. But if not, that thirty minutes will be punishment. You up for it?”

You nodded vigorously, biting the inside of your cheek to keep from squirming in excitement. “I can, I promise. Just need you, please.”

He stared at you heatedly for a moment, one brow raised in a look that would have weaker women on their knees. But as you sat there with that pleading look in your eyes, he caved and nodded. “Alright then,” he huffed, as if this wasn’t something he was going to enjoy immensely as well.

With that, you excitedly reached down to tug down the front of his joggers, finding a bulge there already and grinning in excitement. As you eased out his cock, you found it flushed and leaking, already prepared to impale you. It sent a rush of heat through you, and you resisted the urge to lick your lips at the sight of it.

Standing briefly, you rid yourself of your lacy panties, the ones Kats had insisted you wear, simply for ease and comfort. Returning to your spot on his lap, you took him in your hand and guided his cock to your cunt. You were already soaked, the banter and anticipation getting to you more than you’d anticipated. You ran him through your folds a few times to coat his length in your essence, and you tried to keep from grinning at his little sighs of pleasure and the way his hands tightened their grip on your hips.

When you were satisfied, you raised on your knees and aligned his tip with your entrance before looking him in the eye and impaling yourself on his thick cock. You moved so slowly it made your thighs burn, but the way his eyelids fluttered, and his brows knit together at the feeling was more than worth it. Inch by glorious inch, he disappeared into your silky depths. That full feeling that you always craved was so satisfying you could cry, but you couldn’t give him that satisfaction. At least not this early into it.

As you came to rest back on his thighs, you found it a little hard to breathe. You felt so stuffed you could hardly think, much less form coherent sentences. He was nestled so deep inside of you that you could nearly feel him in your throat, the head of his dick pressed snuggly against your cervix. So, you were grateful when he took your chin in his fingers and tugged you forward to press a soft, chaste kiss to your lips before tucking you against his chest.

As he moved to retrieve the documents on the tray you’d moved earlier, you readjusted, moving so your legs were slightly more comfortable and your dress wasn’t pulled tight beneath you. His hand was seemingly faster than a bullet as it came down on your plush ass, the sound loud and abrupt in the quiet space of the cabin. Even with the covering of your dress it still stung like a bitch, but the moan that spilled from your throat was undeniably one of pleasure.

“I thought I said no moving,” he growled in your ear.

“I-I was ju-” you choked out, breath coming in short gasps as you tried to regain the ability to speak clearly. After swallowing and taking a few deep breaths you finally got the words out. “Was just getting comfy,” you whimpered meekly, burying your face in the crook of his neck. “Didn’t mean to squirm so much, ‘m sorry.”

He sighed before the same hand which had inflicted the pain came to soothe it. “Alright, I’m sorry. Thought you were trying to pull one over on me. Just… warn me next time. And let me know if your legs fall asleep, okay? We can readjust if you need.” There was genuine care in his voice, and it nearly brought tears to your eyes as his hand stroked over your throbbing skin.

As you nodded, he retrieved the documents from earlier and returned to reading them. You, on the other hand, had only him to entertain you. But that was more than enough, as you soaked in the feeling of him against you, inside you, wrapped all around you and engulfing you in his scent and his presence. This man had truly become your entire world in less than a year, and that should scare you more than it did, especially knowing what was to come.

But as his warmth and love enveloped you, there wasn’t enough room for all of the worry and doubt, so you cast it aside in favor of soaking him in instead.

~~~~~~~~~~

The fading sunlight shone through the leaves of the thick foliage as you stood on the balcony of your treehouse escape. It was a cozy place, an A-frame cottage held aloft in the trees near the shore of a small river, but it was secluded and comfortable. And the best part was that it was all the way over in Washington state, where no one knew who the two of you were. Here you could just be normal people instead of getting swarmed by paparazzi wherever you went. Thankfully both of you had a good grasp of the English language, so everything thus far had gone smoothly. You were just happy to be away from all the chaos of the daily hero life back home.

But could you actually call it that? Home? Surely it had begun to feel that way. But given everything that would transpire in the coming days you weren’t sure you deserved to use that term.

Again, you tried to push those thoughts out of your mind and remain in the current moment. The air was crisp here, and the sky shone with emerging stars and the fading glow of twilight as you sipped on your glass of wine. With a sigh you turned around to face inside, where you could see Katsuki standing with his back to you as he cooked dinner for the two of you. The sight of him nearly brought tears to your eyes. To see him so raw, so unguarded and pure, made you want to forgo everything you’d been directed to do and run away with him. But you knew they’d only send someone even worse to finish the job.

At least you would make it as painless as possible.

Throwing back the rest of your wine in the futile hope that it would give you the courage to face him, you pushed off the balcony rail and headed back inside. The tiny living space was warmly lit with a plush couch, a small kitchen, and a quaint dining area. There was a metal spiral staircase leading up to the second floor, which only extended over the kitchen, leaving the space over the living area wide open. The entire wall facing the river was glass, providing an unimpeded view of the forest beyond. Upstairs was a simple area, with just a king-sized bed and huge skylights opening up to reveal the night sky above you. It was gorgeous.

The perfect place to kill your lover, you thought sadly. It was quiet and remote, a ten-minute drive from the next closest home and a twenty-minute drive from the closest town. There would be ample time to dispose of his body and clean the crime scene before anyone suspected anything, and you’d easily be able to disappear into a new country where you’d form a new identity and escape the bonds of the organization you’d been forced to serve since you were a child.

You only wished you’d be able to take him with you.

“Whatcha cookin’?” Your voice was soft in the wooded structure, the natural materials and fabrics everywhere absorbing any echo that may occur.

“Just some ramen, nothing special. Didn’t have time to get much from the store, so we’ll have to go tomorrow and do some shopping.” He sounded so at ease at the stove, and you couldn’t help but step behind him and wrap your arms around his slim waist. You pressed your lips to his spine between his shoulder blades, and he sighed gently, placing his free hand atop yours.

“I’m sure it’s gonna be delicious anyway,” you smiled, resting your forehead against his back, and closing your eyes. You would give anything in the world to live like this for the rest of your life.

“You like my food no matter what, babe. I’m starting to think you’re just saying that to stroke my ego,” he chuckled. The sound was warm as it bubbled out of his chest and brought a genuine smile to your lips.

“And have you get an even bigger head than you already have?” You teased, your fingers slipping beneath the grey t-shirt he wore to skim along his stomach. “If it gets much bigger you’ll be the most insufferable man alive. I mean, you’re already the number two hero for fuck’s sake.”

He let the spoon he was stirring with rest against the side of the pot and slowly turned around in your arms. Coming to face you, he slipped his hands beneath your ears to caress your face with his large, calloused hands. It always surprised you just how gentle those hands could be, that while they could do so much damage, they were also capable of such love, such soft touch.

“To hell with all that bullshit. All I need is you,” he replied carefully, almost shyly. “I’m nothing without you, Y/N. You keep me sane, keep me grounded. I couldn’t do any of this without you.”

As you stared into those claret eyes you felt your chest tighten and your stomach tumble over itself. It wasn’t often that he shared his emotions so honestly, but every time he did it made you want to cry.

“Katsuki… I-”

He cut you off with a kiss on the forehead and a thumb brushing across your bottom lip. “I don’t think you fully get it. Every time I come home having been unable to save people, having been beaten within an inch of my life, and I get to see you there waiting for me? Waiting to love me and take care of me? There ain’t a single better feeling I’ve ever felt.” His lips brushed your forehead as he spoke, his fingers running across the skin of your jaw and neck and lips as if he didn’t know what else to do with them.

“Before you I had nothing. I’m pretty sure half my friends didn’t even really like me, the media was up my ass about every little thing I did, I hadn’t seen my family in years… My life fuckin’ sucked before I met you.” He pulled back just enough to look you in the eyes, and your heart cracked as you found tears in those burning eyes. “Then I saved you on the street that day, and everything started to get better. I know I suck at saying this stuff out loud, but you brought love into my life, and I can never fuckin’ thank you enough for that.”

Everything was quiet for a long moment as you simply looked at one another, drinking in the moment and the soft bubbling of the ramen and the chirping of the crickets outside. Your fingers clutched at the material of his shirt as you fought back your own tears.

“I don’t know what to say, Kats,” you murmured into the quiet.

He smiled slightly, leaning down to rest his forehead on yours. “That’s usually my role.”

You chuckled softly, closing your eyes, and reveling in the feeling of his hands against your skin, his breath on your cheeks. “I wish I could protect you too, Kats,” you whispered. “I wish I could keep all the bad things from you, but sometimes I feel so helpless… Like you’re the only one doing the work here.”

At this, he straightened and guided you into his chest. His arms enclosed you and his warmth seeped into your very being as he rested his cheek against your hair. “You do protect me though,” he replied after a moment of thought. “You give me the strength to keep fighting. You give me something to live for, and that’s enough to keep me from giving up. I’ve never felt stronger than when you came into my life.”

The tears which had been pooling in your eyes finally slipped past your lashes as you buried your face in his chest. His words had you rethinking everything you’d been directed to do, had you second guessing whether you’d really be able to carry through with it. In that moment you didn’t think you could. He had wormed his way into the heart you had once thought to be dead and had brought you back to life. As much as you had tried to keep that from happening he had somehow slipped past the guard you had so meticulously built over the course of your life to keep anyone and everyone from seeing what was inside. From seeing just how broken you really were.

But he had seen that chaos and ruin inside of you and started to rebuild you. He hadn’t shied away like so many others, but instead worked with you to improve and heal. Because he had a great deal of healing to do as well, so the mutual understanding you formed helped both of you.

“I don’t know what I’ll do without you,” you breathed into his chest, keeping your words just audible and allowing them to be muffled in his chest as you cried into it. His arms tightened around you as he kissed your head.

“You’ve got me, love. Until death do us part, or whatever the saying is. Besides, I’m not going anywhere anyway.”

You allowed yourself to keep crying, mourning the man you had come to love as you finally let it settle in that in a few days he’d no longer be there to comfort you. And the worst part was that he had no idea that his words hit so close to home.

The last three days had been absolutely magical. Spending so much quality alone time with Katsuki was like living a dream. You spent that time hiking, tasting local cuisine, lounging together, and of course, fucking like animals. He’d taken you on practically every surface in the house, and even convinced you to skinny dip with him in the jacuzzi outside, promising that the property was secluded enough that no one would see. That of course turned into a passionate few rounds of heated sex.

It was the final night the two of you had together, having rented the property until tomorrow afternoon, and you planned on taking advantage of every second you had left. He currently had you on your knees as he languidly thrust into you from behind. Your cries and moans were muffled by the mattress, and he kissed and bit at the back of your neck as he murmured such sweet words into your ear.

“Ah, fuck baby. Still so tight for me even after all this,” he growled lowly. His left hand gripped the meat of your hip as the right held your hair off to the side to expose your face and neck. “God, you were fuckin made for me.”

“Kats, need m-more,” you whined, your fingers tangling in the sheets. His thrusts were slow but powerful, and each one hit so deep you rapidly lost the ability to think coherently.

“Yeah? You need more, you greedy little thing? Tell me what you need. Can’t give you more if you don’t tell me.” He bit at your shoulder, sucking what you were sure was a deep purple mark as you tried to gather your scattered thoughts.

“Harder,” you pleaded. “F-faster. Please!”

His moan had a thrill running through you from head to toe. “Fuck baby, that what you want? Want me to fuck you into the mattress?”

“Yes! Please, need you so bad!”

He gave a particularly harsh thrust before stilling deep inside you. You whined at the loss of friction, but his fingers snaked around your hip to find your clit, where it started applying such sweet pressure.

“I don’t know sweetheart, I’m getting a little tired,” he murmured into your ear. “Kinda wanna see you put in a bit of effort, know what I mean?”

You groaned, feeling yourself rapidly falling down the hill of pleasure he had so tentatively built up. “Just need you, Kats, I’ll do anything.”

“Yeah?” Katsuki’s voice was playful as he released your hair and wrapped his right arm firmly across your chest. He then rolled to the right and switched positions, placing you atop him before coming to grip your hips, which were still impaled on his thick cock. “Then show me, pretty girl. Show me how bad you want it.”

You moved to turn around to face him, but his hands tightened on your waist, hindering your movement. “Wanna see you, Kats,” you cried, looking back at him.

He had a sly smile on those kiss-swollen lips that had your stomach churning. “But I wanna watch you like this. Just for a bit at least. C’mon baby, you’re a big girl. You can hold out a little longer, can’t you?” His tone was taunting, almost like he wanted you to fight him on it to see what he would do. But your nerves steeled at his words, and you narrowed your eyes.

“Fine, be that way,” you hissed, turning back around, and placing your hands on his thighs. “I’ll do it myself then.” You began grinding your hips against his, your fingers digging into the firm muscle of his legs. They were so thick you could barely fit a hand across the top of them, and the thought of grinding against them was almost tempting enough to leave his cock behind.

But not quite enough.

You slowly raised yourself onto your knees before dropping back down quickly, repeating the process over and over as your fingers found your clit and started working it. As good as Katsuki was with the little bundle of nerves, you knew your body better than anyone, knew which patterns and how much pressure would work yourself up the fastest. So, the added stimulation of his cock impaling you and his hands working the fat of your ass and hips had you falling into the throes of pleasure faster than usual.

As your head fell back, your mouth hanging open in a silent moan, Katsuki threaded his thick, calloused fingers through your hair and tugged. Your back arched as your free hand flew back to support yourself on his solid stomach. He began thrusting up into you, his movements matching yours and coaxing you to move faster and faster. The loud squelching of arousal mixed with your breathy moans and his deep growls to create a symphony of debauchery that had your head spinning and your chest heaving.

You drew closer and closer to the edge of pleasure as he thrust ever more vigorously into your silky, creamy depths, and you were growing louder by the second. His knees came up as he gave himself more leverage to pound into you even harder, and you were falling apart in his arms before he knew it.

You nearly screamed at the shattering of the dam inside you, pleasure washing over you like a tsunami as he continued pumping in and out of you. You faintly registered his words as he coaxed you through your release.

“Fuck yeah baby, let it all out,” he groaned. “Shit, that pussy’s gonna squeeze the life outta me.”

Your legs had turned to jelly, but you tried your best to match his movements as he chased his own high. You could tell by the tension in his stomach and the shortness of his breath that he was getting close. But the growing overstimulation had you crying atop him as he pounded into you from below, his hands both firmly grasping your hips to help you bounce on his cock like a pliant little fuck toy.

“Goddammit, so fuckin close,” he cried, your moans and pleas driving him ever closer to the breaking point.

“I fucking love you, Bakugou Katsuki!” You couldn’t hold back the words even as your nerves were overwhelming you with painful pleasure, even as his fingers dug into your flesh and your insides burned with his passion.

That was the straw that broke the camel’s back, so to speak. In a rush of pleasure and adoration, he fell off the cliff and into the depths of hedonism. Like a floodgate being opened you were filled with heat, his hips stilling beneath you as a loud, beautiful moan tore out of his chest. You wished you could see his face, but you were too overwhelmed to even think about looking behind you.

Easing his length in and out of your leaking cunt a few more times to draw out his climax, his hands ran over your hips and bottom. They warmed slightly with his quirk to soothe the forming and past bruises there as you both heaved for air.

“Fuck, Y/N,” he huffed, easing you down against his chest. Your skin stuck together with a sheen of sweat, but you couldn’t care less. You simply basked in the feeling of his arms around you and his chest moving beneath you and his heart racing against your ribcage.

“Fuck indeed,” you breathed, reaching behind you to thread your fingers through his damp hair. He sighed heavily at the feeling, his chest lifting you and easing you back down.

“I could die right now a happy man,” he chuckled, his hands roaming your chest and stomach and hips.

His words had your heart dropping in your chest. Did he know? Was he aware of your plans, your mission? Did he figure out that you had been tasked to get close to him so you could assassinate him and rid the world of the shining light he cast in hopes of snuffing out the shadows of villainy?

But how could he? You had never said anything, were a trained assassin, had been taught everything there was to know about stealth, misdirection, infiltration, all of that. And you’d been trained since the age of 6 when you’d been found abandoned on the streets by one of the worst criminal organizations in Japan. The whole situation which led to your “chance meeting” had been a ploy strategically executed where he’d been patrolling that day. Your quirk, “Comply,” had been perfect for this mission because it helped you convince him to give you his number, to let you into his life. But you’d stopped using it months ago when you realized he might truly like you, maybe even love you.

And that’s the part that hurt the most.

Both of your feelings had become genuine, and now you were about to betray that love, that trust, and kill him. And it had to be done tonight. There wasn’t much time left, despite wishing you’d had more of it. But as you’d told yourself so many times before, if you didn’t do it someone else would. And they would make it much worse for him than you would.

“Don’t say that Kats. You don’t know what that means,” you pleaded softly. You tried to focus on the feeling of his softening cock inside you, tried to get your mind to shift to any topic but this as you prayed he would drop the subject. But to no avail.

“But I would. If it meant keeping you safe I would take a bullet to the heart,” he whispered into your ear, placing soft kisses on the shell of it.

You reluctantly rolled off his chest and onto the sheets beside him, resting on your elbows as you looked at him. “Don’t make me think about that, please.” Your eyebrows came together as you begged him to stop, and he looked at you with wide eyes, surprised at your response.

“Y/N, I- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you,” he tried to comfort you, easing onto his side, and placing his hand on the back of your head. “But I would still do everything in my power to protect you, you know that, right?”

You nodded sadly, looking down at your hands. “I know you would,” you mumbled. And that’s the problem, you added in your head. Taking a breath, you shook your head slightly to try and clear it. “It’s fine. Let’s just not talk about you dying, yeah?” You looked at him once more, and he nodded with a small smile. “Ok, good. Now I’m gonna go shower and make us some tea.”

“You want me to join you?” Katsuki raised one brow suggestively as the hand he had on the back of your hand traveled downward along your spine, eventually making its way to pinch your ass. You flinched slightly before huffing and pushing back onto your knees out of his reach.

“No dummy, we just went 3 rounds. My poor vagina needs a break. Plus, if you do that we’ll never get out. I wanna watch a movie or something before we have to leave tomorrow. We never get to do that.”

He sighed, “Yeah, guess you’re not wrong. I’ll take one after you.”

You nodded before scrunching your nose playfully. “Good, because you’re stinky. Don’t wanna cuddle with you till you smell good.”

He looked like he wanted to shoot back with a snarky comment, but you scrambled off the bed and clambered down the stairs before he could do that. Heading to the small bathroom, you turned on the shower and looked at yourself in the mirror above the sink. Your hair was a mess, and your neck, shoulders, and chest were all covered in bite marks and hickeys. You ran your fingers over them, noting their positions as they were likely the last ones you’d ever receive. You weren’t sure you’d ever be able to love after Katsuki. You weren’t even sure you’d want to.

Looking down at your hips, you found his fingers had left behind small bruises from how hard he had loved on you, and you found yourself smiling sadly at them. As you stepped into the shower, you let your hand roam between your legs, finding the entire area wet and sticky with a mixture of both of your cum. The fluid was milky and thick, and you couldn’t help but place one finger on your tongue and suck it clean before the water washed away the rest of it. It was salty, the aftertaste earthy and heady.

Taking a deep, shaky breath, you tried to rid your mind of your love and adoration for this man and tried to focus on the task at hand. You started by cleaning yourself, moving through your shower routine almost robotically. You couldn’t think of all the showers you’d taken with Katsuki in the past, couldn’t remember the feeling of his fingers against your scalp as he helped wash your hair, or how he would drag your loofa across your skin and down between your legs in the aftermath of a hot round of sex. If you thought about those things you would lose the nerve to go through with your plan and would lose this prime opportunity.

Turning off the water, you stepped out onto the warm wooden floor and wrapped yourself in a fluffy towel. You didn’t clear the mirror of fog as you normally would because you knew you wouldn’t be able to stand the sight of yourself right now. Instead, you just dried yourself off and slid into the silk camisole and shorts you’d brought with you. Opening the door, you turned toward the kitchen and found Katsuki in his full naked glory standing at the counter with a pot on the stove, making what you assumed to be popcorn.

“Makin’ snacks for our movie?” You asked, even though you knew the answer.

He nodded, watching as you found the kettle and filled it with enough water for two cups of tea. “Well you can’t have a movie night without popcorn, idiot,” he replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“I can finish it,” you gestured toward the pot handle. “You can go shower. It’ll be ready by the time you’re done.” You’d be lying if you said you didn’t use a hint of your quirk there, needing him to be in the shower so you could prepare for what was to come.

“Ok, just make sure you don’t burn it,” he smiled, grabbing the sweats and tee he had brought down with him.

“I won’t burn it you doof,” you rolled your eyes and took the handle he offered you. “Go shower so you don’t stink anymore.”

“Alright, alright, I’m going,” he groaned, putting his hands up in surrender. He chuckled as he made his way to the bathroom, however, he stopped outside the door to turn and look at you with a sly grin on his lips. “You should order me around more. It’s kinda hot.”

You felt your cheeks warm at his words and looked down at the pot in front of you. He laughed at that, and made his way into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. As you heard the water turn on, you waited a few moments until you were sure he’d gotten in before making your move. Using all the stealth you’d learned over your years of working for villain organizations you made your way upstairs. Since you’d been here for a few days you knew where the stairs and floor were creaky, so you carefully avoided those areas.

Picking your way over to your bag, you reached into an inside pocket where you had a bottle that held pain relief pills. Pouring them into your hand, you searched for the one that looked different, just slightly off-white compared to the white pain relief pills. Making your way quickly back downstairs as the popcorn began popping, you retrieved two mugs from the cupboard and dropped the tablet in the left mug.

The water was just coming to a boil as you placed the tea bags in each mug. Shaking the popcorn pot once more, you filled both mugs, starting with the left one to give the tablet ample time to dissolve. It was a neurotoxin that was colorless, tasteless, and odorless. Mixed with the tea, it would kill him within minutes. That would give you enough time to hopefully explain the situation and get the guilt off your chest, at least as much as possible. It would always be there, and you’d simply have to live with that.

Pouring out some of the popcorn into a large bowl, you recovered it and placed it back on the stove to let the rest of it pop. Your heartbeat was slowly increasing as you stirred the teas, watching as the tablet dissolved and mixed with the hot beverage. As the water turned off in the bathroom, you poured out the rest of the popcorn, took a deep breath, and placed the pot in the sink.

You heard the door open a few minutes later to reveal a freshly cleaned Bakugou Katsuki as he rubbed at his hair to dry it. The strands were soft and damp beneath the towel, and you wanted nothing more than to run your fingers through them and kiss him silly. He looked so at peace in his light grey sweats and t-shirt, and if you ignored what you were about to do to him you could imagine you really were just about to sit down and have a nice movie night together.

“It doesn’t smell like burnt popcorn,” he chuckled as he stepped beside you and looked at the white snack. “I’d say that’s a win.”

“Katsu, that was one time,” you whined, putting your hand on his face, and pushing him away playfully.

He laughed heartily, grabbing you by the wrist and gently pulling you against him. “Babe, you almost caught the whole kitchen on fire. There’s a reason I’m the one who does most of the cooking.”

“I do some of it,” you huffed, pouting dramatically. “And I haven’t caught anything on fire since then.”

He shook his head, still grinning. “No, I suppose you haven’t. Still doesn’t mean you’re a master in the kitchen though.”

“Yeah, well, I’m better than I used to be so that’s something.” You shrugged against his chest.

“It is, I’ll give you that. You’re a very good sous chef.”

Sighing, you pulled back enough to look up at him. “Okay. Here’s the big question: what should we watch?”

He chuckled, shaking his head slightly as he leaned back against the counter, his hands coming to rest on your hips. “I don’t know, you got anything in mind?”

You pretended to think, already knowing your answer. “Not sure… What’s your favorite movie ever? You’re into sappy romance shit, right?”

Katsuki scoffed, brows nearly meeting in the middle as he scowled at you. “N-No, where would you get that idea?”

“That right there would be my answer,” you grinned, noting his stutter. “So, what’s your fave? The Notebook? Titanic?”

He growled, eyes looking anywhere but your own as his cheeks glowed a faint, lovely shade of pink. “None of that shit, idiot,” he grumbled. “It- it’s Totoro…” The final words were nearly too quiet to hear, but you caught them, nonetheless.

“My Neighbor Totoro?” You clarified, and he nodded shallowly. “Well, that’s great, because that’s my comfort movie. So, we’re watching that.”

He sighed, leaning his head back in mock defeat. “If you insist,” he groaned dramatically. A chuckle slipped from your lips, which you briefly pressed against the pulse beating in his neck, savoring the feel of it while you still could.

“I do. Now let’s go get cozy and watch that shit.” You reached behind him to grab the bowl of popcorn and took him by the hand, half dragging and half guiding him toward the couch. You purposely left the mugs of tea on the counter, hoping to get just a little more time with him before the end.

As you placed the bowl on the coffee table, he flopped onto the couch, making sure to take up as much room as possible as a shit-eating grin spread across his face. As you turned to sit, you placed your hands on your hips and tried your best to look annoyed as a smile tugged at the corners of your own mouth.

“And where am I supposed to sit?”

He spread his arms and made grabby hands, a gesture he only made once in a blue moon when he was feeling particularly domestic. “Right here, obviously.”

With a playful huff, you climbed aboard, straddling his hips as you settled atop his chest. It took some adjusting, as the piece of furniture wasn’t all that big, but eventually you found a comfortable position where no limbs should fall asleep, and you were nestled squarely in his arms. He had even managed to spread a blanket over the both of you.

“You’re my very own weighted blanket,” he chuckled as you used the remote to search for the movie.

“And you’re my own personal space heater, so I guess we’re even,” you retorted, poking him in the cheek. You selected the movie and placed the remote on the table before you, realizing that the popcorn you had made was somewhat inaccessible due to the position the two of you were in. You decided to leave it there in favor of spending the remainder of your time with Katsuki tangled up together. You couldn’t be bothered to worry about the white snack when he was so all-encompassing anyway.

“Shush, dumbass. The movie is starting,” he quipped, hand coming up to flick you on the tip of the nose. You playfully huffed and swatted at his hand, before returning your own to rest atop his shoulder. He was right, though. The opening scene played, and you hummed along to the song that introduced the movie.

As it played out before you, it took everything in you to not cry. Knowing this was the last bit of time you’d be spending with him had a sense of finality to it that you wished you never had to feel in the first place. As his fingers eased their way beneath your silken shirt, he ran them across your skin at a pace that would have anyone else falling asleep in his arms. But your current predicament had your nerves on fire and your mind racing, even as one of the most calming movies you’d ever seen played out before you.

Very few words were spoken as you reveled in each other’s presence. You weren’t sure you’d even be able to form words as the lump in your throat grew nearly unbearable. You could hardly breathe, and you knew that at any point you could break down in tears. Nevertheless, you had to stay strong-willed and determined. This had to be done tonight, by you, or it would just be so much worse for both of you.

“I love you, Katsuki. You know that, right?” You mumbled the words against Katsuki’s chest as the movie neared its conclusion.

“Course I do, little one.” His voice was soft as one of his hands came to rest on the back of your hair.

“No, like I really love you. I can’t imagine my life without you anymore, and I am terrified of the day I lose you. Whether that’s tomorrow or fifty years from now. It’s going to be the worst day of my life.”

He sighed, drawn out and thoughtful. His fingernails ran gently over your scalp, and you allowed your eyes to fall shut at the feeling. “What’s got your mind going to such a dark place, baby?”

You were silent for a moment, hoping to make it a bit closer to the end of the movie before starting to give anything away in the slightest. After all, he hadn’t ingested any of the neurotoxin yet, so you couldn’t raise any suspicions yet.

“I don’t know, I just get really worried sometimes when I see you on the news fighting all these shitty villains. Even though I know you’re stronger than them, I can never stop wondering if one of these days someone is going to get the upper hand and seriously hurt you.” You gripped the material of his shirt as you whispered the next words. “Or even kill you. I would fall apart. Sometimes the thought makes my chest hurt so bad I have to go somewhere quiet and just cry.” Your words weren’t a lie, but you couldn’t tell him that you were going to be the person about to get said upper hand.

Katsuki took in your words seriously, letting them sink in as the end credits began to roll. You could practically hear the gears in his head whizzing as he formulated some kind of answer that might ease your worries. But that was a difficult thing to do when you loved someone as much as you loved each other, and one member of the relationship was constantly putting themselves in danger’s way for their career.

“Do you believe in me?”

His response made you pause. Of course, you believed in him. You knew that this man could do anything he put his brilliant mind to. He could solve any problem, defeat any villain, save any person he wanted to. But what would he do against a poison that would kill him within minutes in such a remote place? The antidote would be nowhere near close enough to save him in time as you had brought none with you. So, while you believed in him in every other situation imaginable, you couldn’t say you did in this particular instance.

“Of course I do,” you murmured.

The hand which had been running along the length of your spine came to ease your head up to face him, your chin resting against his collarbone. Tears had begun to sting your eyes as you looked at his own determined ones.

“Then I need you to trust that I will always come back for you,” he stated, his tone indicating that he took those words as a fact. Those words weren’t just a flimsy promise, but an oath. And that was what had your tears falling yet again. They slipped from the corners of your glassy eyes and cascaded down your cheeks, only to be brushed away by careful, comforting fingers.

“But what about the day that you don’t? What do I do then? Where will blind faith get me when I’m standing here alone without you?” Your bottom lip trembled as you whispered your fears into the quiet between you. “You are my compass, Katsuki. I’m lost without you.”

“Y/N, even after I’m dead and gone I will still be with you. You can’t get rid of me that easily. I’m too much of a stubborn bastard to let something as trivial as death separate us, right?” He tried to sound upbeat, obviously eager to get off the topic of his inevitable fate but still hoping to ease your worries.

A smile tugged at the corners of your lips as you let him wipe the last of your tears away. “Yeah, sounds like you.”

“And here you are doubting my resolve like a damn idiot,” he grinned softly. “Why don’t we go grab some fresh tea and we can head up and read or cuddle before bed, yeah?”

You nodded, trying to ignore the way your stomach dropped at the reminder of the tea. “Yeah, that sounds nice. ‘Bout time we get off this tiny damn couch.”

He chuckled, easing the blanket off your body, and helping you maneuver off his chest and onto solid ground. As you stretched your arms above your head to get the blood flowing once more, he reached over to place a playful smack on the exposed skin of your ass. Whipping around to give a halfhearted glare, you were greeted with the sight of a sly grin and adoring eyes as he tucked his hands behind his head and crossed his legs against the arm of the couch.

“Just admiring the view, babe. Can’t go around lookin’ like that and expect me to keep my hands to myself the whole time.”

Rolling your eyes, you fought a smile as you made your way to the counter. Now came the moment of truth. You’d thought over how you would approach getting him to drink the tea throughout the entire movie and had come up with what you hoped was a decent plan. You opened the microwave door and picked up both mugs, placing them on the glass dish inside. You placed his with the handle facing the wall of the device while the handle of yours pointed toward the center of the dish. That way, even if they were in a different position when the timer went off you’d still be able to tell which was which.

“No, no, no. What the hell are you doing, dumbass?” He called from the couch as he sat up. You turned to grin at him.

“I figured that while in America we should do as the Americans, just once. I want to see how it turns out,” you giggled. “I’ve seen people trying it on TikTok and I wanted to do it myself. And I’m making you do it with me.”

Katsuki scoffed, nose scrunching up at the thought. “The thought that you’re about to microwave that shit when you could make a perfectly good cup in five minutes is repulsive.” He grunted softly as he stood, following your lead, and stretching languidly. As he did, his shirt rose and exposed how dangerously low riding his sweats were. The dark trail of hair disappearing beneath them had your mouth watering, clouding your mind briefly before he dropped his arms, and you snapped back to reality.

Turning back to the microwave, you shut the door and set it for a minute before hitting start. That should be enough time to get the liquid piping hot, enough to get him to wait until you were upstairs to drink it. Though Katsuki was notorious for drinking his beverages at a much higher temperature than the average person, so you planned to carry it upstairs yourself anyway.

“When in Rome, do as the Romans, right?” As the plate started spinning you kept your grip on the door handle, needing to hold onto something to keep your balance. Your head was swimming as the reality of your situation truly sank in. You were really about to assassinate not just your lover, but the number two hero in all of Japan. A man who was supposed to be invincible, untouchable.

And he had absolutely no idea, so far as you knew.

There was a haziness to your mind from then on as you forced yourself into the headspace of the assassin you were by trade. That would be the only way you could get through this without coming clean and dooming you both. You had to block out any feelings that may slip in and compromise the mission.

Your stupor was shattered by the sharp stabs of the microwave timer, and you almost robotically opened the door and pulled out the mugs. Katsuki had made his way over to the base of the stairs and waited patiently as you padded over to join him. He made no move to take his cup from your hand, just allowed you to go up first with a steadying hand placed lightly on your hip.

Making your way over to his side of the bed, you placed his mug down on the polished hardwood side table and moved to your own side. He climbed onto the mattress, which he had hastily covered with the duvet after you’d gone to shower. There was a throw blanket on the floor which you picked up and tossed at him playfully, aiming right at his face. You had to keep this as normal as possible so he wouldn’t suspect anything.

“Hey, watch it brat,” he huffed, pulling the fabric from his head and grinning at you. You found a similar expression spreading over your own features as you put down your own mug and leaped on top of him. A grunt escaped his lungs at the impact, and you went as limp as possible in an attempt to hold him down.

That grunt was followed by a low, rumbling laugh as he threw the blanket over you, rolling you up like a burrito and trapping you beneath his body. The entire time you found yourself giggling uncontrollably, reverting to a natural, lovesick state of mind for what might be the last time. You squirmed beneath him, trying to escape, but he simply straddled your hips with his powerful legs and framed your head with his arms, staring down at you with glittering, mirthful eyes.

“This is what brats get, yeah?”

“Katsuki~” You groaned through your laughter. “You can’t just put me in a taco every time I annoy you!”

“Oh yes I can,” he shrugged, one brow lifting as he rocked back to sit on your thighs. His chest lowered to lay atop your own, and you huffed as he crossed his arms across your chest and rested his chin on them with that shit-eating grin. “I wish I could just wrap you up and put you in my pocket all the time, actually.”

You chuckled again, attempting to free one of your hands to no avail. “It would probably be gross and sweaty in there.” You feigned a look of disgust, at which he laughed once more.

“That’s probably not wrong, though you’d deserve it after being such a little shithead.”

“Yeah? Well…” you tried to think of a snarky retort but found yourself losing your train of thought as his eyes softened. “Well, you’re just a-a nerd, so ha!”

A puff of air made its way from his nose as he lifted his chin to allow one hand to come up and caress your face. “I thought you liked nerds,” he murmured, fingers running over your skin as you pouted slightly. “Means I’m smart right?”

“Well of course you’re smart, idiot. Doesn’t mean you’re not still a nerd. I mean, just look at your All Might shrine at home! That’s nerd behavior.”

Laughter shook through the both of you as Katsuki buried his face in your chest. It was genuine, from the heart. It was also one of your favorite sounds in the world, and you tried to savor it as it happened so rarely. Not to mention that this would be the last time you’d hear it.

“I guess you’re right on that one,” he choked out through his fits of delight. “It kinda is a shrine, ain’t it?”

His joy was contagious it seemed; you began to shake with your own laughter. “Yes, it absolutely is!”

As the two of you settled he raised his head once more to look you in the eye. His face was a fair shade of pink and the humor still sparkled in his expression as he raised himself enough to press a sweet kiss to your neck. Your giggles petered out soon after as his lips climbed the column of your throat, then across your jaw and up the other side of your face, following the path of your hairline. They smoothed out the slight line between your brows and trailed down the bridge of your nose, and all the while he murmured soft praises against your skin.

“I love you more than All Might any day of the week, sweetheart. You’re the most captivating, fascinating, quick-witted person I know. The best lover I’ve ever had. You’re my everything.”

His love swept over the apples of your cheeks; your eyes fluttered shut and you savored that love as it filled the cavity of your soon-to-be-empty chest. He paused, lips just a hairsbreadth away from yours as he seemed to think over his next statement.

“I hope you know that I will always love you.” The words were barely audible, yet they took all that warmth that had just spread throughout your body and crumpled it up into a cold, dead weight that settled into the pit of your stomach. As Katsuki’s lips made contact with yours, one hand coming to cradle your head as the other held him aloft, you felt tears prick at the backs of your eyes.

The kiss lasted but a moment, yet it left you breathless and dazed. He lifted himself from his position above you, moving off to the side to settle against the pillows. He watched with a small smile as you struggled to free yourself, with no help from him. As he waited, he reached over to pick up his cup, and you forced yourself back into that cold headspace as you prepared for the inevitable.

He waited, however, until you had escaped your fluffy binds and sat beside him, your mug in hand. You took a sip, finding the liquid still scalding against your tongue. He snickered as you flinched away from it, quickly breathing in and out through your mouth in an attempt to cool your scorched skin. You noticed from the corner of your eye as he took a big gulp of his tea, and you had to fight the voice screaming in the back of your mind to stop him. To warn him that it was going to be the end of him.

He slung his arm around your shoulders, pulling you closer to his side before taking another sip and resting the cup on his leg. “I mean, it’s certainly not as good as fresh tea, but it’s not as bad as I had expected,” he shrugged, referencing the fact that it had been microwaved.

“Heh, yeah, not wrong I guess.” You forced your lips to curl up at the corners as you took an actual sip of your beverage. There was silence for a long moment, the tension unlike anything you had ever experienced with the explosive man beside you, as you prepared to come clean. He took one more sip, and you took a deep breath.

Now or never.

“Katsuki, listen… I-”

“I know,” he cut you off gently, softly, as if he didn’t want to scare you off. Your head snapped up to look at him, only to find his blank gaze fixed on the tea in his hand. “I already know,” he stated once more as you looked at him with thinly veiled shock.

“W-what do you know? What are you talking about?” You knew you should play this incredibly safely just in case he wasn’t privy to the actual plan.

“I know that this tea is poisoned. I know you were sent to kill me. I know who you’re working for.” His voice was sad, almost regretful as he met your gaze. “I know everything.” You couldn’t speak for a long moment, simply staring at him with slowly widening eyes as he gave you a sad smile.

“How do you…” Your voice trailed off, your mouth going unbearably dry as you tried your best to wrap your head around what he was saying.

“I’ve only known for a few weeks. Intel came in about a group that was planning to kill me, your group. Word had it that they’d gotten an assassin to infiltrate my inner circle in order to take me out quietly, and I wracked my head for days trying to figure out who it could be. Every path I followed brought me to one person: you.” He leaned over to place his steaming mug on the table before licking his lips to remove any remaining liquid and returning to you. “You were the only person who had gotten close enough to have even the slightest chance of taking me out in the last couple years, the only new variable in my life that could have presented such a threat. And even though I didn’t want to believe it – fuck, I still don’t want to believe it – I knew in my heart that it was you…”

“Katsuki, I-” You choked on guilt and remorse over the knowledge that he knew. He had figured it out. You knew this man was brilliant, that he was the number two hero for a reason. You’d seen him in action more times than you could count at this point, and he never failed to amaze and impress you with both his physical and mental prowess. So, you weren’t sure why it was coming as such a surprise that he had figured this out.

“Y/N, it’s okay,” he whispered. His free hand reached over to loop under your legs, easing them across his lap so he cradled you close to his chest. “I get it. I understand why you had to do this. Your life was on the line, right?”

You felt all the tension in your body at that moment, your hands shaking slightly and your mind racing. “Yeah,” you croaked. “If I didn’t do it they were going to torture and kill me…”

He sighed softly, his hand running soothingly up and down your leg. “Kinda figured the bastards would do that. And was the plan the same for me too?”

You nodded silently, tucking your hands between both of your chests and curling into him. You were ashamed and slightly horrified that he had found out already. You were also dully angry at yourself for not realizing it sooner. Surely he had to have acted differently in the last few weeks, right? He’d have to be insane to just accept his death like that, especially having the status and influence that he had… He was the symbol of victory, after all. He couldn’t afford to lose; it would disrupt the whole society of Japan just like your gang wanted.

“Why are you just letting me kill you, Katsuki?” You had to know, the words slipping through your lips like the silk of your shirt through his fingers.

He was quiet for a moment, thinking over his response. “Do you remember what I told you earlier?” You tried to think back on what he could be referring to, but you were having trouble recalling anything but the current moment, so you shook your head. “I told you that if it meant keeping you safe I was willing to die for you. And I meant it. I knew that at some point you were going to have to do this, and I kinda figured it would happen sometime while we were here. It would give you the smallest chance of getting caught, and the highest chance of escape. It makes a lot of s-sense, really.” His voice faltered as he spoke, and your head snapped up to look at him.

His skin was growing sallow, and beads of sweat were starting to form on his forehead. The poison was starting to kick in.

You quickly moved to straddle his lap, bringing your hands to cup his chin as the reality of the situation threatened to crush you into a million tiny shards. “I’m sorry, Katsuki,” you cried, tears once again forming in your eyes as his clammy fingers slipped under your shirt to caress the skin of your sides. “I just couldn’t let them torture you. I know how strong and capable you are, but no one who’s stood against them has survived. They would have killed you, or at least hurt you to the point that you’d be out of action for the rest of your life. Which I know for you might as well mean death. I just- I couldn’t let them do that…”

“I know baby, I know,” he murmured. There was a dull thump as his head fell back against the headboard and he fought to keep his eyes open. “I just need you to know that everything I felt for you was real, still is real. And I’m sure it may have just started as a mission for you, but I’m pretty sure-” He broke off to take a deep breath, swallowing dryly. “I’m pretty fuckin’ sure you loved me too by the end of it, right?”

You nodded vigorously, the tears breaking the confines of your eyelashes and flooding down your cheeks as you fought for air. “I absolutely did. I love you more than anything, Bakugou Katsuki. I was an orphan when they took me in, and I was raised as a killer. I never thought I’d find love, but then you saved me that day, and we went on that date, and I knew that I was fucked.”

He chuckled wryly, coaxing a similar sound from your own lips. “That was a setup, right?” You nodded slowly, hating to admit it even as he was dying. “And do you have a quirk?”

Again, you nodded. “It’s called Comply. But I only used it a couple times before everything became so natural that I had no need for it anymore… I could tell that I was going to be completely empty after I carried this out.” Your voice shook with emotion as you tried to make him out clearly through the blurriness of your tears.

He slowly, shakily raised a hand to your face and brushed his thumb under your eye, his touch weak compared to how firm it usually was when he swept away your tears. “Please don’t blame yourself, love,” he muttered, brows furrowing. “I know you didn’t choose this.”

A guttural sob ripped from your throat as you collapsed into him, burying your face in his shoulder, and wrapping your arms around his neck. One hand came to cushion the back of his head, your fingers threading through his hair as you tried to hold him back from the throes of oblivion. His skin was feverish and clammy as the toxin spread through his body, and you attempted to hide your sorrow, tried to let him go peacefully.

“All I ask is this,” he whispered. You lifted your head slowly, using the hand not supporting his head to scrub at your eyes so you could see him a bit more clearly before nodding. “Escape. Tell them the mission is done, do whatever you have to do after this to hide the evidence. But once that’s all done-” he took a ragged breath, eyes fluttering shut as he tried to stay conscious. “After that get the fuck outta here, got it?”

“G-got it,” you forced out. Your lips trembled as you fought back more tears, attempting to stay strong even as the man you loved was dying in your arms. “I promise.”

He nodded, smiling slightly. “Good. Those bastards can f-fuck off. They won’t be able t-to hurt you anymore. Once you finish up here, destroy your phone so they can’t track you. There’s a new one in my bag that’s all set up with everything you could need. Contacts for all the top pros, my family… m-my bank information. That’s signed over to your name, so you have access to it all. My passwords for different accounts are in there too in case you need ‘em.” His eyes opened slowly, clouded with some emotion that you couldn’t quite place. But you could see the tears in them, and your heart, or at least what was left of it, was stuck in your throat at the sight of them. You had only seen him look like that just a few times.

“Katsuki I-”

“Once you get somewhere safe contact Deku. Tell him what’s happened. B-be honest with him, ‘kay?” His words were quicker now, like he knew his time was near and he needed to get everything out. “He’s gonna be a fuckin’ wreck, but if you explain everything, and you tell him that this was m-my choice to let it happen, he’ll come around eventually. But I’m assuming they’re gonna come for him next, and I want him to be prepared. I’ve left videos for everyone important on that phone. Do me a favor and share ‘em with the people they’re meant for, ‘kay?”

“Of course I will, Kats. Anything for you,” your voice shook like the last leaves of the season in a cold winter wind.

Katsuki chuckled gently, letting the hand that caressed your face drop to entwine his fingers with your own. “It’s also got all our photos and videos on it too…” His voice was sad, with a hint of anger over the reality he was facing. “It’s got a-” A ragged cough burst from his lungs, accompanied by a light spray of blood that had you cringing. “Got a video on there f’r you too,” he rasped, determined to say what he needed to say even as his speech was strained, somewhat slurred. It cut you like a knife.

A fresh wave of tears spilled down your face, the crystalline droplets falling to your joined hands. “I’m just so fucking sorry Kats…” You tried to suppress your panic and sorrow, so as not to let him witness it in his final moments, but you realized that would be insincere, especially when you’d been hiding such a huge secret this whole time. So, you let any walls crumble in the looming shadow that was his imminent death.

“I know, sweet girl. So am I. Sorry I never got t’ marry you, never got t’ start a f-family, grow old, all that s-sappy shit…” The blood that had sprayed from his lungs now stained his lips, creeping between the cracks and providing the most color anywhere on his ashen face. “Most of all, ‘m sorry you were f-forced to do this. But y’know what ‘m not sorry for?”

You shook your head, wondering what on earth he could find positive in this situation.

“’m not sorry I met you… got to love you, got to have you in my life, even if just for a little while. L-like I said… y’r the best thing that’s ever happened to me. ‘nd I mean it. E-even if y’r the end of me, I’ll love you even from the grave.”

“Katsuki…” He struggled to bring your hand up and pressed his smiling lips to the back of it. “I love you too, so fucking much… I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry, I-”

You were cut off as he mustered what was left of his strength to lean forward and capture your lips in a gentle kiss. It tasted of blood and tears, defeat and anguish, but there was a sweetness to it as well. There was forgiveness and understanding and love that had you aching deep in your soul. As he broke off his head slumped forward, landing heavily on your shoulder as he took labored, uneven breaths.

“It’s alright, Y/N. I would have stopped ya if there was any other way…” His breath was hot against your skin, his grip on your hand limp. “It was m-my choice. Y’r worth it.”

“No, I’m not! You are so important to so many people, to all of Japan! You keep people safe, give them hope,” you sobbed, burying your face in his hair, and cradling him as close as possible, as he had done earlier. “I’m just some worthless orphan who only hurts people and brings people pain and suffering.”

His head shook minutely against your skin. “Not to me,” he breathed. “You’re m-my… my everything, got it? You better go on livin’ ‘kay? Otherwise ‘m gonna beat ya up in the afterlife. ‘Nd ya better not just live… Do something g-great. Go somewhere beautiful f’r me, yeah? Go on an adventure. Otherwise, I’ll haunt you.” He could hardly get the words out, but as he did you felt small pinpricks of heat on your exposed thighs. You didn’t need to look down to know it was his blood, vibrant and red as his eyes.

You nodded fervently, kissing whatever places on his face you could reach. “I will, I promise I will. And I’ll send the videos and warn Izuku and… and I’ll go somewhere b-beautiful. I just wish you could come with me.”

“I do too…”

There was a moment of silence between you that was filled with so much emotion it was nearly overwhelming. There was sadness most of all, under which brewed anger and resentment and regret. But there was also love, understanding, and what you could only describe as… hope. Hope for your future, hope that you could eventually find peace, or at least something close. That you would finally be able to live for yourself without having to go on killing and suffering at the hands of villains that only wanted to use you.

You lifted his head from your shoulder with a gentle hand and rested your forehead against his. “I love you, Bakugou Katsuki. More than anything.”

“And I love you too, Y/N. You’ve made my life worth living,” he whispered into the space between you. “Keep living, got it brat?”

“You got it, shithead,” you laughed weakly, before kissing him softly. You hoped to convey all of your love, passion, regret, and heartache through that final gesture. Yet all you felt in return was love, adoration even. It gave you hope that, despite the fact that you would never be quite the same, you may be able to find some modicum of peace in the future.

With a final wheezing breath, Katsuki broke away from the kiss, his body going limp and sagging against your own. His fingers were still entwined with your own, only his grip had gone slack. His skin was still damp and hot, but when you placed your fingers on the artery in his neck you only felt stillness. A lack of pulse.

Death.

You have no concept of how long you sat there weeping over his motionless body, holding him against your chest as you mourned him. Mourned the loss of the only person you’d ever loved. The stillness of his body against you was eerie. The lack of breath against your skin had you feeling cold, even as his own body lost its heat. His skin grew ghostly, and his limbs stiffened as you grieved.

It was really done. He was really dead.

It had been about 6 months since you had assassinated Bakugou Katsuki, and to say your life had changed would be a serious understatement.

Hiding the evidence hadn’t been difficult. You had spent the entirety of that night scouring and bleaching every possible surface of any biological evidence that you may have left behind, and you even destroyed the bed sheets and towels, replacing them with identical ones. Thankfully you and Katsuki had booked the place under aliases, knowing that there was certainly a chance of your vacation spot being leaked to the public had he used his real name.

Disposing of Katsuki, however, proved to be more of a challenge.

You ended up cremating him, figuring that would be the easiest way to lay him to rest while also minimizing your chances of his remains being found. After you had finished clearing the cabin of any evidence you packed the car with both of your belongings before carrying him out to the firepit by the river. You sat and watched as the flames consumed him, finding it the slightest bit poetic that such an explosive man would go out like this. By the time the sun rose, you were still sitting before the smoldering ashes, tears long since dried on your skin and limbs sore from how long you had sat still. The weight of him rested on your shoulders long after he had burned away, and you could still feel him there to this day.

You had gathered his ashes and scattered them in the river, allowing them to wash away before you returned to the car the two of you had rented. Taking one last look at the cabin, at the location where your heart and soul had gone to die, you had sent one final message to your boss before obliterating your phone:

[ It’s done. ]

You now found yourself in Greece, settled in a nice little villa situated on a mountain overlooking a turquoise sea. As you sat on your balcony the wind tugged at your hair, and you paused to take in the setting sun. The sky was a vibrant orange, the shade of which almost perfectly matched the color of the trademark “X” that had once adorned a certain Pro’s uniform.

You found him in everyday life, almost constantly reminded. When you woke to a cold bed at the start of a new day. As you watched children run through the streets on a warm summer evening with sparklers in hand. Sometimes you still found yourself cooking double portions of meals, tearily packing up the leftovers for later. When songs you used to dance to in your pajamas would play as you sat in a café, alone.

And that wasn’t even mentioning the phone. It contained every picture he had ever taken. Every selfie, every candid, every unflattering angle… And while there were plenty of the two of you, most of them were just you, taken from his perspective. They were moments that he had thought were worth capturing. Some were on dates, where you had put some effort into your appearance even if it was just a nice dinner together at home. But others you had no idea he had taken. Images of you asleep on his chest, doing your makeup, hard at work on your computer, and making a stern, concentrated face…

They were moments when he had found you beautiful, as he had told you in a letter you’d found in his notes app, where he had left you a plethora of love letters he had written to you over the time you had spent together.

You had also made sure to follow his final instructions and sent the videos to the proper recipients. As Katsuki had predicted, Deku had been an absolute mess when he had found out about the fate of his best friend. However, after watching the video Katsuki had made him, Midoriya had insisted he didn’t blame you. He had also sworn to find and defeat the group you had worked for, and with your assistance, he and the Hero Commission did just that. They brought down the entire organization, freeing you of the fear of being sucked back into their clutches, or being captured and tortured for trying to escape in the first place.

The one thing you hadn’t mustered was the courage to watch the video intended for you.

It sat untouched in the camera roll just waiting for you to gather the fortitude to see what he had to say to you. Out of respect for those which he had left other videos for, you hadn’t watched those either, so you really didn’t know what to expect. You only knew that when you finally hit play you were in for a world of emotion.

But tonight, you had finally convinced yourself to press the button. With a glass of his favorite wine in hand and the Dynamight plushie he had bought you almost a year ago hugged to your chest, you tried to prepare yourself for the torrent of feelings you were about to undergo. With your headphones on snuggly in order to immerse yourself in the presence of your lover and to minimize distractions, you started the video.

“Hey dumbass,” he started. The sound of his voice had you choking up already, but you didn’t want to cry yet, so you held back your emotion. “So, I’m guessing you probably waited a while to watch this, right? You were probably scared to because it would mean admitting to yourself that I’m gone. Well, I’m gonna say right now that I think that’s bullshit. I’m right here, idiot. I always will be. All of this shit is backed up on the cloud, so even if you lose this phone it’s all still gonna be there. Can’t get rid of me that easy.” His chuckle was laidback, almost carefree. As if he wasn’t recording a message to be watched after a death he knew was coming.

“I’m gonna be honest with you, it’s taken me a while to record this for you. I’ve already done everyone else’s because I had to really think about what to say to you, and I’m pretty sure this is attempt number eight? Maybe number nine… I don’t fuckin’ know. What I’m tryin’ to say is that I know you’re probably hurting the most out of everyone right now. Yeah, my family is probably crushed, and shitty Deku probably feels responsible or whatever… But you?” He paused, looking away from the camera for a moment in thought. You felt tears welling in your eyes as he continued somewhat carefully.

“You were the one who had to carry out your mission. And I just want you to know that, in a weird kinda way, I respect that. You had to do what you had to do. For the sake of yourself, and in a way… for my sake. They were probably planning on killing both of us if you didn’t do it on your own, right? And it would probably include a lot of pain and suffering, if all the intel we’ve gathered on these bastards is correct. They seem like real assholes, y’know?” You couldn’t help but smile gently at his words, as he didn’t even know how true they were at the time.

“But I don’t want you to blame yourself, got it? I obviously don’t know all the specifics of your situation, but I do know one thing. I know that you’re one of the most thoughtful, caring, and kind people I have ever met. And even if everything else has been part of an act, I don’t think those things can be faked.” There were those goddamn tears again. They began to blur your vision, and you took a moment to wipe them away before they could fall.

“I don’t think your love is fake either.” His voice was soft and seemed to be slightly strained. “Everything I feel from you in that respect seems… very genuine. At least I really fuckin’ hope it’s real. Because I know that everything I feel for you is as real as it gets. And I swear to god if you don’t actually love me back, even just a little, I’m gonna come back and haunt you from the dead, got it brat?” If you weren’t mistaken you thought you could see tears starting to form in his eyes even as you found yourself chuckling at his faux aggression.

“I just- I’m sorry that you have to do this… Heh, weird that I’m the one apologizing when you’re the one that has to fuckin’ kill me. But, while I plan on telling you this in person before it happens, and I’m pretty sure I know when it’s gonna be happening…” He paused and took a deep, stabilizing breath before trucking on.

“I would do anything to protect you, Y/N. I would go to war, stop a train, take a bullet straight to the heart… I am willing to die for you if it means you won't have to deal with those scumbags anymore. I’m hoping that after this all goes down and I’m dead and gone you’ll be able to escape them. I’m putting together a contingency plan, hence all the videos and shit. I want you to be able to live for yourself, finally, instead of having to live your life as a criminal, constantly putting yourself in danger and having to do what those assholes want you to do.”

You took a breath as he paused again, reaching up to scrub at his eyes, which had steadily been growing red with impending tears. “I honestly don't know what else to say, but I don’t want to end this yet…” He chuckled somewhat ruefully, his brows coming together in a look of what you could only describe as defeat.

“I guess I should say that I was uh… I was planning to propose in a couple months. I don’t want to make you hurt worse than you probably already are, but I don’t want to hide that. I’m probably not going to before it all goes down, but I uh, I kinda bought a ring and everything. I gave it to my ma and told her not to give it to you till you asked for it. I figured you might not want it, so I didn’t wanna tell you about it. Guess I wanted to wait till you watched this, so you’d get the full picture on where I stand with the whole situation. If you want the ring, just tell her you watched this and decided to get it. But I understand if it would be too painful to have a reminder of me sitting on your finger every day… A reminder of everything that happened…”

Your hand came up to cover your mouth as you paused the video. You needed to take a moment to process what he was saying. He was going to propose? He had already bought the ring? Tears were flowing down your cheeks freely now, and your heart felt so heavy it seemed like you had a sandbag on your chest. You had thought about what it would be like to marry him, sure, but you had never allowed yourself to seriously entertain the idea as it was too painful to imagine such a thing while knowing what you’d eventually have to do to him. Hitting play, you resumed the video.

“Just know it’s there if you want it. Guess it could be a reminder of my love for you. Of how much I truly care for you. I just need you to get it through your thick skull that I really do love you. Even if it was all for the sake of a mission, which I kinda refuse to believe, what I feel for you is, and always will be, real. Even after I’m dead I’ll still love you.”

As the timer on the bottom of the video steadily scrolled toward the end you could see a few tears falling down his cheeks as he chose to forgo wiping them away. “Well, uh, I guess that’s pretty much all I had to say then. You better not be curled up in a ball somewhere dark and dingey wasting away and letting your sadness eat you alive, dumbass. I want you to go out there and take life by the fuckin’ balls. You deserve to live for yourself from now on. I probably told you this before I left you, but all of my bank accounts have been signed over to you, so hopefully, money won’t be a problem for the rest of your life. For fuck’s sake, I don’t even know why I get paid so much, but I have literally no clue what to do with it all, so it should at least get you pretty far. Do something fun. Travel the world. Go on an adventure and do something you’ve always wanted to do, ‘kay?”

He had indeed signed over all of his accounts to you, and when you accessed them for the first time the numbers you found sent your head spinning. He also had copious amounts of money invested in numerous companies, so the numbers kept increasing over time as well. When you had gone over it all with a financial advisor, she had instructed you on how to keep everything in order and how to properly invest in the future, if you so desired.

“I just ask that you take care of my family if they ever need it,” he pleaded gently. His eyes had softened as he brought up his loved ones. “I’ve already left ‘em a buncha money, which is probably surprising considering the huge amount you hopefully have already found in the accounts I signed over to you, but like I said the Commission pays me a disgusting amount. It’s honestly kinda ridiculous… all of that money could be going to something much better, but I digress… If they ever need something, promise me you’ll help ‘em out, alright? They’re probably fuckin’ wrecks over the fact that I’m gone, and while I’ve explained everything in their video, they may appreciate it coming from you as well. I just hope you guys can come to terms with each other. Because as you know my ma can be… a lot,” he chuckled sadly.

“Just know I love the fuck outta you, and I’m so proud of you for having to get through all the bullshit you’ve been through. I’m not mad about the situation, and I hope you understand that. But I am pretty sad that it’s gotta go down like this, and that I’ll never get to grow old with you like I’d originally planned. But, like I’ve said over and over at this point, I’d gladly die if it meant saving you, and hopefully freeing you from these villain bastards making you do all this shit.

I hope you don’t miss me too much, and I don’t want you to be afraid of finding someone else to love. I just want you to be happy, and if that means finding someone new then I support you. Just make sure they deserve you, because you’ve got so much to give, and I don’t want you wasting your time with some fuckin’ loser. But if you don’t end up with anyone else, please… just don’t let yourself fade away. Find at least one thing to give you happiness. Because you fuckin’ deserve it, idiot. This isn’t your fault, and I don’t want you blaming yourself. Also, make sure to kick those shitheads’ asses for me, alright? Lock ‘em up in Tartarus for all eternity. That’s what they fuckin’ deserve for making you do all the shit they did.”

He looked down at his hands, fiddling with them off-screen as he thought for a moment before looking back up at you. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Y/N. You changed my life for the better, taught me what love was all about, and showed me more love and kindness than anyone else. I refuse to believe that was all an act. It sure as hell wasn’t an act on my end. And if it was real for you too, if all of this was as real for you as it was for me, then I hope you know that you held my heart in your hands and I will love you till you are dead and gone like me. And I ain’t got a clue what comes after life, but I’ll sure as hell be waitin’ for you on the other side. I promise.”

There were tears in his eyes yet again, glittering like diamonds as they wavered on his lower lashes. Your stomach clenched at the sight as you reached up to brush away your own.

“Alright, fuckin’ dumbass. Get off your phone and go live your life. I hope you’re somewhere beautiful. Somewhere as beautiful as you are. The world is a better place because you’re in it. Or… at least my world was better because of you.” The tears quivered once more before slipping down his cheeks as he gave you a sad smile from his place in the past. “Live enough for both of us, yeah? And don’t join me too soon, otherwise, I’ll be pissed. I don’t wanna see your face wherever I am for another 50 years, you little fucker.”

“You got it, Kats,” you laughed tearily, unable to stop your response from slipping from your lips as if he was really standing right in front of you.

“Think ‘m just rambling at this point, ‘cus I really don’t want this to end. But I guess I’ve gotta save some space on here for everything else I wanna leave for ya. One last time, I love you, princess. I always will. Live a good rest of your life, and don’t come lookin’ for me till the time is right.” He raised his hand and gave a small wave.

“Goodbye.”

#bakugo katsuki #bakugou katsuki #bakugou smut #bakugo smut #bakugou x reader #bakugo x reader #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugo katsuki x reader #bakugou angst #bakugo angst #bakugou fluff #bakugo fluff #bakugou fanfiction #bakugo fanfiction #cel writes #i hope this killed you as much as it killed me #songfic #bakugou songfic #bakugo songfic

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farmerlesbian · 1 year

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im agender and butch but i feel like... because im black i dont have the same access to androgyny and masculinity that other people do. the image of butchness or androgyny i see is always light skinned and fine haired and im just not that. it makes me feel like im never going to be read the way i want to or taken seriously as a gnc person. makes me really uncomfortable to go out

I'm going to answer this and will tell you first up that I'm white. My wife/spouse mod horseshoe is Black and has very similar experiences and feelings. when I saw your ask I right away thought of her and showed her, asked if she wanted to answer. She told me she doesn't know how she can help you when she hasn't figured it out either.

So I will tell you that one, you are not alone. Two, I will answer you similar to how I support her. and three, she is consulting on this ask (as she does on many advice asks, in fact!)

I'm sorry you're going through this, and especially that it's affecting your comfort in going out and being around people.

One thing I have done to try to help is find other darkskin Black folks that are doing gender in similar ways to her, on the internet. Just finding images of people who are similar I hope helps. I'm not particular about what exactly their identities are, just going for style and vibes. Lemme grab some (sorry it's leaning on instagram just bc it's easier for me to search accounts i follow there haha but I swear there are cool black gendery people everywhere, i'm sure you know this)

jade fox / madeyoulooks

studmodelproject on instagram

enxwest on instagram

iamdivinechi on instagram

arrows fitz / angryangryarrows and angryarrows

@boychic

ceruleanblueboy on instagram

tboys.club on instagram - a party in london that posts lovely photos of attendees

shedoeshim on instagram and @shedoeshimfashion

followers - if this sounds somewhat similar to you please go ahead and say something! or if you have any recommendations also please add them!

you can check out my style tag for like every post I've reblogged/shared that has images of people in it. it’ll have all types of people, but maybe it’ll help. you can also scroll back through my butch tag but that will not include every masc person in it. also the stud tag, and you can consider the stemme identity + label but i don't really have much in that tag rn sorry! maybe try checking the tags for these on tumblr, tiktok, instagram, maybe youtube? maybe you'll find people that look like you, or how you want to look.

my point here is that there ARE people out there doing androgyny, doing gender fun stuff and are Black and darkskin. maybe the people i'm recommending here aren't your vibe or style and that's totally fine, there are a lot of ways to be! i hope these can serve as some sort of inspiration for you. a reminder that gender diversity and androgyny exists and is possible for black people, that there are thriving communities and you have all sorts of options out there for you. also, remember that there are many ways to be androgynous, to be agender. maybe you're more a dapper butch, maybe more a sporty stud, maybe a skate style street style guy, maybe more a crunchy granola hiking outdoorsy look, maybe workwear and denim are more your speed, maybe you're a cozy dude who likes sweats and casual clothes, maybe you like bright colors and patterns, maybe you're into alt and goth styles, maybe you feel more comfortable in vintage and retro stuff. i promise that there is a way for you to look hot and feel comfortable in yourself and people will see your fabulous Black gender noncomforming self.

If you're into podcasts I recommend genderreveal by tuck woodstock- you can skip around and just listen to the episodes that interest you. I'm listening in chronological order because I kinda like going through time and seeing the development of things but you absolutely do not have to. There's a lot of episodes out, they've been doing it for a couple years now! there are plenty of interviews with black people of all gender varieties talking about their experiences and lives

i think. what's hard is that you can’t control how other people see you. you've got to come to terms with this. so you're most likely always going to have people not getting you, not understanding your deal (whether that's gender or something else). there's no foolproof way to get out of it or avoid it, no way to be 100% sure people will always gender you right or treat you right. this is not to say that you will never have people who get you, you certainly will and i wish that for you! i absolutely recommend you surround yourself with people you are supported by and who see you. but i'm not gonna tell you like "fuck what people think, do whatever you want" because i know it's not that easy ! trust your judgement, and trust your gut. all you can do is try to balance finding what makes you feel comfortable and what feels right to you with what feels safe. when you are feeling comfortable, it will help you to become confident. when you are confident and self-assured in who you are, what other people think of you and how they see you will not affect you so much. also, you deserve to be seen and gendered the way you want to be! i'm sorry it feels like it's not possible for you. I believe that it is possible, and i wish it for you soon!!

maybe you want to consider hrt, maybe top surgery, maybe try doing drag or drag makeup. experimentation is a huge thing and i can't recommend it enough. try practicing and experiencing with different styles, gender presentation, clothes, mannerisms, hair makeup jewelry whatever. you can listen to your feelings and your body and reflect on how you like it, see if it feels right. i recommend seeking out the things that make you feel comfortable in your body, find what makes you feel like yourself, and the androgyny and butchness (or whatever presentation you seek) will follow naturally.

wishing you the best in your journey 🧡

#ask farmer lesbian #gender #anonymous #mod alfalfa #mod horseshoe #gnc #butch #trans #agender #androgynous #nonbinary #black masc #black butch

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possibilistfanfiction · 1 year

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I am very, very attached to ava "gender? *shrug emoji*" silva because it's so rare I see that approach and, self indulgently, it's me. I've got trans friends and nb friends and the whole pronoun thing makes sense to them in a way I'm almost jealous of? Does that make any sense? They know themselves enough to know they were a square peg on a round hole...no double entendre intended...and I'm sat here going "well using my birth pronouns doesn't hurt me so I'll roll with that", and it feels weird somehow? Because it's not bad and it's not uncomfortable but I know it would only be the newness factor and the extra steps correcting people that mean I wouldn't be just as comfortable going by a different one?

And then I feel all twisted because I work in a decent job with an actual commitment to supporting LGBTQ+ people, but I'm still puzzling out the pronouns and I don't want to put them into my email signature then change, or have them hang about after I potentially have a revelation. But I don't want people to think I'm opposed to them either.

I don't know, don't feel obligated to weigh in, I just figure I could ping this at you without judgement at least. It's hard to state it out loud sometimes.

lemme tell you. pronouns (especially in english) as a stand in for gender is a) v recent; b) so neoliberal & western, & rly wayyyy more of an issue in the global north. ppl prioritizing pronouns as Respectful™️ toward trans folks is all fine & good (it’s easy), but the neoliberal rhetoric around trans existence as like… rooted in western language, western terms, western experiences… fucking infuriating. i hate pronouns. i hate the expectation of them. i hate a “dead” name — i was never not who i am, i will always be who i am; i have a name i was given & a name i chose & they’re not desperate selves. the pathologization of transness is disgusting & not at all decolonized; the expectation that u have to feel at deep odds w your body, at deep odds w ur pronouns, ur name, etc, is a western reaction to a western problem. all over the world, for literally all of history, gender expansive folks have existed without the expectation of Being Trans, without definitions & boxes. i despise the expectation that i have to feel hatred or profound anxiety about myself or my body to access care, or to have a name i chose — i think care should be about what makes you feel best, & that’s it. the state control thru the medical industrial complex of gender & care & belonging is insane. so i always just ask, what’s the best choice? what makes me feel comfortable & at ease? what do i Want? those are the only questions that matter to me at this point. if those answers are rly rooted in pronouns & a name etc, then that’s obvs fine! but i think so often we get caught up in HAVING to have those things to be able to answer those questions. & to me the answers to those questions are found in the texture & fit of fabrics, & my home, & really good food, & my community. not once have i found them in a they/them pronoun

so anyway yes i hear you. i don’t think u should feel jealous of ur friends bc ur experience is so real & expansive & that’s also wonderful.

& for ava yah it’s honestly pissed me off for a while that ppl have just thrown this inaccurate & weird & western agenda on her gender. like when i say she doesn’t care, she’s happy w her body, she loves curiosity & hates boxes & labels — it’s tru. it’s not more than that, it’s not “non-binary”. there’s no binary to begin with!! there never has been!

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hopeful-hugz · 1 year

Text

@lollipopsandgunshots asked: Truth + "...I want to know what you think about me. What you really think." {Uzuki to Yuka. She's scared to ask but she knows Yuka's probably had to deal with Kariya sticking up for her for years lol}

Truth or Dare! || Accepting

“You really want me to say it, eh? Pick the mind of the creepazoid~?”

“Aight, aight, I’ll talk. I think you’re a very driven and dedicated woman, Boss. When you have a goal in mind, nothing will stop you from reachin’ it and that’s really fuckin’ admirable, lemme tell ya. You’re incredibly caring too, when...” A pause is given, the young. “...When the shit with Shinjuku went down...? You did your best to look out for us, while making sure you stayed safe too.... That deserves a lotta respect in my opinion and I’m hella grateful that you were there for us that survived that shit, in your own way. You’ve grown a lot, and even a reaper on the sidelines like me can see that.”

“There’s the positive. Now I’m just gonna... Sit down for a sec, Uzuki. I’ve seen the look in your eyes when it comes to talking about yourself or how others talk about you. Especially when it comes to praise. I’ve seen how you look in specific other situations too... I’m worried. Genuinely. You really seem to be hard on yourself and I really, really think you should try reachin’ out to a professional. Don’t we have like... access to folks who fill that role now? Why not take advantage of it?”

“I care about ya a lot, Sharpshot. I wanna see you become even better than you are now. I wanna see you happy. I told ya my true feelings; now ya think you can take some more care of yourself for me? I’d say that’s a pretty even trade.”

#lollipopsandgunshots #Machete Reaper || Yuka #Star Callings || Asks

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alterrune · 2 years

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Operation Prowling Spider

Mission 1

Briefing: Zulu Security Corp. is currently guarding a club, a large club. This club is meant to be a mix of a casino and a cabaret club. Zulu Security Corp. has set up their vaults there. Your objective is to steal the money from the vault. But that’s only 1 part of it. You’ll also have to go undercover and gain some sort of info on the officers. The Zulu Security Corp. officers are currently having a fun time there, so this is where you guys will have to go undercover. Spark up some sort of conversation with them, but don’t blow your cover. To know what will perfectly fit in as your disguised, I’ll be looking through your resume to know what job we will give you 5. Let’s see here…

Henry, according to your resume, you used to work as a bartender in Florida, so you should fit right in.

Ellie, you’ll fit in as a hostess. Being a hostess mostly involves you to talk to the customer. As long as you keep t he customer happy, specifically the officer, you might get some good intel out of them.

Alter, considering on how skilled you are in combat, we can get you in as a security guard.

Violet, you make yourself the dealer in the casino. This one mostly involves passing out cards, chips, etc. Maybe if you make bets towards the officers, they should be able to give you something that will work as intel.

Kyle, you’re an artist, and the club is hosting an art show. Make some art that will grab the audiences and maybe even the guards attention, and everyone else should be able to sneak into restricted areas.

Complication’s:

Weapon Scanners: The area’s got weapon scanners, walking into them will raise the alarm if you have a weapon.

Bloodless: Keep it clean this time. No kills on this mission.

Stealth Only: Raise the alarm, and you’re pulling out.

Reinforced Doors: All the doors in here have been reinforced. Everything is going to be harder to breach and access, and the locks here are going to be difficult to pick.

2 Hours: We've got a reservation at a nice restaurant after this. A really, really nice restaurant. We booked this months ago. Wrap this up quick so we don't miss it.

CHAPTER 2, ACT 2 - INSECURE SECURITY

(We arrive at the location. With our "identification" known, we make it in with ease. I quickly show up on stage with some artwork that Adam made for the occasion. I clear my throat and do my best french accent.)

Hello zere! I am Jauques LeBistro! I am here to give you zee finest artworks here...

(Someone shouts out "Hey! What's with the fake accent?" Luckily, thanks to Aaron, I have a voice changer automatically at the ready, so my voice is a bit deeper than it normally is, which means they don't recognize it.)

Wow. Party pooper, much, folks? (laughter from the audience) Fine, yeah, the accent's fake, but my name sure as hell isn't. My parents were born in France, so I'm stuck with the name I have. (laughter) And I am here to display some of my artwork! Lemme just go get it.

(I quickly run backstage. The satchel stationed there has some ready-to-go artwork from Adam, who signed my "name" on it to make sure they looked legit. I quickly tap my earpiece to call up Violet, when suddenly a security guard grabs my shoulder.)

Hey, pal, I think you dropped something.

(He winks at me! It's Alter! What he gave me was another satchel filled with more artwork.)

No need to thank me. (By the way, Ellie and Henry have some info they would like to tell you when you get the chance.) Enjoy the rest of your day, Jauques.

(He walks off, and I grab an artwork and place it upon an easel board. Someone speaks up and says "Hey, I thought this was an art GALLERY.")

Oh, no. Just looking at artwork is pretty boring. But having the chance to own it isn't! This isn't just an art display show, this is an art display AUCTION! Take it away, my auctioneering partner!

(Nicholas Cross, Alter's older brother, shows up in a tuxedo and a light blonde wig. He also has a voice changer on him, which gives him the perfect auctioneer voice. As he does the auction, I quickly head backstage.)

That oughta buy me some time. Now, time to chip in with Henry and Ellie.

(I activate my earpiece.)

Henry? Ellie? Alter said you guys would have some good intel.

Yeah, the guys gave us some great intel.

Believe it or not, the vault is completely unguarded, staff-wise. However, there are laser tripwires and other hazards to watch out for, though. You got Alter's older brother to auction the artwork, right?

Yeah. He's still on the first piece, he started at a bid of $100, it's currently at $1000. Oop, nevermind, just went to $1100 now.

Great. These guys said we were done our shift for the event. All we need is Violet and we can take the money and run.

You guys rang?

Violet? I thought you were still at the casino tables?

I may have slipped a little something into their drinks while they were distracted. Let's just say they'll be stuck on the potty for the rest of the event.

Great. Let's head to the vault. Alter's waiting for us there.

(We all head to the Vault, with "Security Guard" Alter ushering us in.)

Watch this.

(Alter tosses a few Grow and Shrink chips onto the piles of gold bars in the vault, which causes them all to shrink to a much smaller size. He then whips out an old-fashioned U-shaped magnet and all the shrunken gold bars stick to the magnet, which is positioned in a way so that the bars won't trip the lasers.)

Still have a few of those leftover from the Dogobo Jungle Temple raid. Now, let's get you all back to where you should be.

(Alter formally escorts all of us back to our designated spots. I arrive just in time to see the last artwork piece to be auctioned off.)

Well, I'm afraid that's all the time I have for today folks. Plus, I'm all outta artwork. Don't worry, though, I'll be back when I've painted more easels. (ahem) Au revoir, mes amis!

(We leave the building. When we're a safe enough distance away, we call up Aaron to teleport us away with all the gold bars still shrunken and attached to the magnet, which Aaron does without any delay.)

Achievement Unlocked: "Should've Gone For Silver" (added to the stock set)

CHAPTER 2, ACT 2 COMPLETE

DISPLAYING ACT EPILOUGE:

(The next morning, Laurence Burnway is shown opening his safe, only to find it completely emptied out.)

WHAT?! Where's all the gold I stashed in here?

(He sees a note, which he picks up and reads.)

-----------

Hey, Laurence.

We decided to take out a small loan from your bank. We hope you don't mind. By the way, we're not paying it back.

With love,

🔺Alterrune🔺

💜Violet Wolfsbane💜

🔵Henry Stickmin🔵

💕Ellie Rose💕

✍🏼Kyle Gibbons✍🏼

-----------

"The fucking ColorStreak Battalion..."

(Laurence rips the note in half, then stomps on it in anger.)

"They could fucking be ANYWHERE with that gold by now. Fuck it, I'll have to just ask my superiors for another loan. Considering how those CrapShoot Bastards took all of it without me even noticing, though, I doubt they'll be happy with me, let alone willing to give me another loan when I ALREADY lost the one they gave me..."

END OF ACT EPILOUGE

#altering the outcome #ask irl!alterrune #ask the ato cast #the colorstreak battalion #operation: prowling spider #mission one successful!

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hanijunk · 3 years

Text

Alright boys, girls, and nonbinary folks of the world. It’s 5:36am (1/30 when I first started) as I decide to give up on my attempt to continue to focus on learning statistics, avoid studying for my two upcoming midterms, and put off my two actual essays for two different classes.

Instead we’re going into a dive about ✨ KazuFuuma ✨ . Is this me telling you you gotta ship it? No of course not, you’re entitled to your own ships! You don’t really gotta care about it as a ship. But I do want people to recognize it’s THERE canonically, and how disregarding it is extremely unfair to Kazuki as a character particularly. Also, I’m working on the assumption anyone clicking this at least knows the bare bones about what KazuFuuma (ex. You know they are a ship of Kazuki/Fuuma from Dolce, you know they are childhood friends, you know who Dolce is, you know about Honeyworks, etc.) I’ll be making references to specific things, but I won’t always go into heavy detail. Might just hope you know it or take my word for what it is, and go into analyzing it. Some I’ll put direct references to find, but some I’ll trust you can find it yourself. If you somehow read this MAMMOTH and want reference to a specific thing mentioned, hmu I can help you find it!!

Also I hate tumblr formatting sm if you legit wanna read this 7 page essay but hate tumblr format lmk I'll add it as a google doc link instead too. anYWHO

Before actually getting into the meat of things lemme preface some stuff.

Again it’s like almost 6am so this will be disorganized and very train of thought (and likely long due to the fact when I fly by the seat of my pants I’m known to get unnecessarily extensive). It’s definitely gonna be in large part why it’s important to recognize as a romantic relationship foundation and what about it shapes Kazuki’s character in particular. Maybe a bit of how it’s been built up and its general focus and implications. Dunno yet. We’ll see LMAOO

I say f*ck. Not a lot, just a handful of times. This ain’t something scholarly this is for my own enjoyment so if you don’t like that might not wanna read. And it’s not like spitefully I just curse a lot if you haven’t...read my tags before lol

Again this is through the lens of a Kazuki stan. Of COURSE I’m going to have some level of bias, but if anything that bias may help more than hurt because that means I become FIXATED and think a lot about Kazuki. Which plays into establishing just how important it is that Kazufuuma’s relationship is recognized, especially in a romantic light at this point. Lmfao.

I’ll have a few more prefaces about the actual content below but to keep this from getting too long if you wanna read come below the cut owo

I have extremely limited knowledge of Japanese just taking a few classes in highschool (so like 3 yrs ago) and live in America. This means a lot of my knowledge is gathered through the english translations of the super duper incredible and lovely people in the Honeyworks fandom who provide translations (delaix and takanenene esp have provided so much for me being able to understand Dolce) and my own limited Japanese paired with Google Translate for things that remain untranslated.

This only will be drawing on information I have come in contact with and have access to and making assumptions based on that, most (if not all) of which is in the public domain. So things like the Dolce Manga Volumes released via Animate, exclusive 4komas, and Light Novels are out of my area for the most part (apart from again snippets of translations thanks to this fandom’s godlike and generous translators).

I will not be drawing on anything from the first Dolce album with the exception of Nade Nade. From a meta standpoint, I consider those songs as songs made as performance media as opposed to character explorations. Nade Nade is the exception because (1) it was released a whole year before the album and (2) you can tell it’s explicitly an exploration of Fuuma and Kazuki’s interpersonal relationship even if it’s in a slightly more performance based context than the songs that came out with the Dolce LNs. Easiest parallel I can make to show this is if you held Non-Fantasy, Yume Fanfare, and Samishigariya up against each other, you could tell the difference in intended audience and intended purpose the same way the Dolce 1st album, Nade Nade, and the songs of the LNs do respectively. Even if there is some basis to ground Kazufuuma, for the purposes of this essay I’ll be acting under the assumption the 1st album falls under the Non-Fantasy equivalent category.

THAT WAS A LOT OF PREFACING CONSIDERING LIKE 2 PPL WILL PROBABLY READ IT I just have a tendency to anytime I do anything analytical lay down ground acknowledgements for myself to work on just...cuz it makes me feel less guilty for any accidental misinformation even if I’m writing towards my future self to read lolll IM SORRY WITHOUT FURTHER TO DO HERE’S THE BRAIN DUMP

First let’s go ahead and establish why it needs to be recognized as an important relationship. Again, I’m a Kazuki stan. He’s my favorite character not only of Dolce but also of the entire Honeyworks series, and as much as I love him for reasons outside the ship, whether you like it or not Kazufuuma is an essential aspect of his character and narrative. Of course there’s the fact that him and Fuuma are childhood friends, so that’s going to in part define their characters and interactions with each other and those around them. They’re both going to be relevant to one another and important to one another’s stories to an even greater extent than the rest of the members of Dolce. But on Kazuki’s side at least, it’s an EXTREME amount. A running plotpoint in Dolce Diary is the sheer amount of dedication Kazuki has to Fuuma and how much his thoughts and decisions are influenced by Fuuma, whether it be how he feels happiest spending time with Fuuma, how he decided to get his piercing to represent he wanted to protect Fuuma, how he doesn’t want to dislike food so he can eat what Fuuma dislikes, etc. Not to mention running jokes about his borderline overprotectiveness and downright possessiveness of Fuuma, how proud he is when Fuuma gets praised, or that one 4koma that literally explicitly states he can read Fuuma’s mind when he thinks motherfucking ‘dirty thoughts’ about his childhood friend (Fuuma). I still don’t know what the fuck to make of that last bit. Genuinely. Or the fact it’s a fucking running joke. As in it’s not a one off. It’s been brought up multiple times. Kazuki what the fuck.

That’s not to say that he doesn’t have character outside of Fuuma or he doesn’t interact with people other than Fuuma. He’s great friends with Sara, Girisha, and Kippei and is shown time and time again to have fun interactions with all of them, generally acting as the best support friend for every member of the group, not Fuuma alone. For instance how he helps Kippei with his self confidence issues or stays over at Sara’s to protect him from a cockroach (which he fails at lol). Nor is that to say all his interactions involving Fuuma focus solely on his devotion to Fuuma, especially in instances where the manga focuses on Dolce as a group dynamic (though even in that setting there are times where jokes about his devotion are thrown in). He’s kind, he’s stupid, he’s friendly, he’s an amazing character in his own right, and I love him for all those reasons. But that doesn’t change the fact a major part of his character and his character interactions are rooted in Fuuma, and arguably some of his most interesting, eccentric, and notable behaviors and traits revolve around Fuuma (again the mind reading for example).

Hell let’s take it one step further. If you look at the character bios of the Dolce members, you get everyone’s motives for being an idol and interests. Of them, Kazuki is the only one to have another character mentioned directly, not to mention that supporting Fuuma is explicitly stated to be his primary motive as to why he became an idol. Not even Fuuma’s sister is mentioned, though two arguments can be made for this. The first would be that Fuuma’s backstory about wanting to fulfill his dream for himself and his sister was decided later to explain Fuuma’s choice to crossdress though it can be argued it was intentionally done to leave it as a reveal at a later date, to which I would argue I don’t think this backstory was a choice in post. While Fuuma’s dedicated Dolce Diary extra exploring that backstory was released a little less than a year after Dolce was revealed, the preview to set up Fuuma’s backstory was actually the first thing released after the character bios on the Dolce Official Twitter page if you exclude a drawing of Dolce from Yamako. The second argument could be that information about his sister was intentionally withheld to set up the reveal when Fuuma’s extra released to explore it. However, going by that logic (which I do agree with), that would also mean that Fuuma’s inclusion and importance in Kazuki’s character bio also set up his dedicated extra, which I don’t think would be incorrect to assume considering what his actual extra turned out being.

Which brings me to the thing that makes it inexplicable to write off the romantic implications behind Kazufuuma: Kazuki’s dedicated Dolce Diary extra, Suki. I shipped Kazufuuma before even knowing of Suki, sure. But the fact that Suki even exists is a shock to me and drove into me the fact that Kazufuuma wasn’t just my own projection. Again, it’s not a surprise that Fuuma shapes Kazuki’s life. They’re childhood friends, of course they’re going to be important to each other. But this extra explicitly brought Kazuki’s feelings towards Fuuma under a direct spotlight. At first I was thinking oh, this extra was just to acknowledge the fact that Kazuki and Fuuma’s relationship can have romantic implications, but the end of it the conclusion that we got was that it didn’t matter what type of “like” he felt for Fuuma. Originally, I thought it wasn’t anything more than saying there are all types of like, and it doesn’t always need to be explicitly defined, but I appreciated the fact they were aware that they were writing Kazuki in a way that conveyed romantic implications.

Then I thought about it because, again, I love Kazuki of course I’m going to think about his character extra, and realized...that’s not how these character extras have worked. There are only three character extras out as far as I know and have read: Fuuma, Kippei, and Kazuki. If we look at Fuuma and Kippei’s, each extra had a conclusion, sure, but they didn’t have a resolution. Rather, they were simply setting up explicitly what each character’s primary character arc and conflict were. Fuuma’s extra brought attention to the fact that he’s particularly a crossdressing idol by exploring the motives behind it. His choice to be a crossdressing idol is constantly under fire both by himself and the world around him. He’s not immune to those who consider his crossdressing strange, and a part of his story is both finding people who accept his decision to crossdress and to succeed for himself as a crossdressing idol. It’s an essential part of how we understand and define him as a character and it’s a central part of how he interacts with the world around him. For Kippei, it lays the severity of his insecurity under the spotlight and his journey and motives for improving himself. Again, this isn’t something isolated and resolved in the extra; his extreme insecurity and negativity is constantly affecting how he interacts with practically everyone from his fellow Dolce members to his fans despite the fact in all honesty? He’s fucking insanely talented in his own right, his own brother mentioning how smart he is and how he has amazing reflexes. For Kippei, his negativity is an essential part of how we understand and define him and central to how he interacts with the world as much as Fuuma’s decision to crossdress is to him.

Which brings us back to Kazuki, of course. In his dedicated extra, in the chapter that’s supposed to explore and establish and bring attention to an essential part of his character, the aspect of himself under investigation is how he feels about Fuuma. It’s not just how he behaves around Fuuma, it’s explicitly an exploration of his feelings, on top of the fact it’s explicitly an exploration about whether or not he likes Fuuma r o m a n t i c a l l y. Literally the conflict is spurred on by someone outright asking “Do you like him?” and having to clarify “I mean romantically.” What they decided to focus on for Kazuki’s character and emphasize and establish is that Kazuki’s like towards Fuuma toes the line between friendship and romance. His ambiguous feelings towards Fuuma (if we leave them inconclusive as Suki did) are just like Fuuma’s crossdressing and Kippei’s insecurity in the sense the weight of whatever those feelings may be are seen in how he interacts with the world around him and influences his behaviors. It would be another story if they introduced the potential and shut it down all within the extra, because then his central conflict would to me be less directly open to romantic potential and more simply about how his arc was meant to explore the dynamic of the behavior of an extremely dedicated best friend. The fact that he may be romantically attracted to Fuuma or may be only platonically dedicated to Fuuma is instead something that looms over Kazuki in the same way Fuuma’s decision to crossdress constantly looms over him. It’s what Dolce wanted to point to and say this is Kazuki’s central character conflict and central arc: exploring what type of feelings he has towards Fuuma.

Sure, it can be argued that there’s only three Dolce Diary character extras, there’s not enough to be sure about that being the purpose of the extras unless we get the other two’s extras. First, at this point I honestly don’t know if or when they’re going to release an extra revolving around Sara and Girisha just because not only has it been over a year and a half since the latest Dolce Diary Character Extra (Kazuki’s) was released despite the gap between the first and latest Dolce Diary Character Extra (Fuuma’s and Kazuki’s) were within a year of release but also because the Dolce 4komas and comics they’ve been posting to Twitter have decreased (last one being over half a year ago) potentially due to them deciding to focus on releasing Dolce manga content through the purchasable volumes instead. (This is not particularly related to the Kazufuuma argument, just wanted to put out there my two cents on what Sara and Girisha’s extra/focal arc would be. Based on a large part of the Dolce Diary in conjuncture with Can’t an Idol Fall in Love, I’d argue Sara’s would be his journey to regain his passion for performing, and if it’s not that I’d say it’d be coming out of his self-imposed isolation and opening up to people again. As for Girisha, I have less of a concrete idea but I’m assuming it’d be something pertaining to how people often misconceive him whether it be in tandem with his determination, his optimism and sociability, or his stupidity/ability to ignore those misconceptions and work past them. But Girisha is treated like the comedic relief 90% of the time so I’m not entirely sure, but his primary conflict is definitely rooted in misconceptions of him being his roadblock imo. #MoreGirishaContentPlz) That being said, I personally feel like the three are already enough evidence, especially considering it would be honestly even more cruel for Kazuki’s character-centric extra to be focusing on something that wasn’t essential to his character and character arc, anyway. And though it’s not explicitly stated that these chapters are extras exploring a central character, you can kind of tell based on how they are (to my knowledge) the only Dolce Diary updates with cover/title cards each which include their focal character front and center. So working off that fact, the Kazuki-centric chapter established that a pillar to his narrative was his feelings towards Fuuma and that those feelings are still open to romantic potential.

But if you follow me, this is why up until Can’t an Idol Fall in Love With Another Idol’s release, I was terrified of them writing that off. I would have been ok if it was just an arc that was given attention then continued to actively work in the background, as all the character arcs have been over all of Dolce’s content. The fact that they might be giving Fuuma a love interest and giving Fuuma a love arc while Kazuki��s feelings were still up in the air and were still the primary highlighted narrative for him would have been fucking scuffed. To me, it would be like… why would they make him so Fuuma-centric to the point that even his dedicated chapter was not just focused on Fuuma but focused on the ambiguity and potential of him having romantic feelings for Fuuma, yet reduce him to being Fuuma's designated right-hand man. Don’t get me wrong, friendships are just as important as romantic relationships. But again, rather than conclude Kazuki’s answer in Suki to be that his feelings were of friendship, they left it open ended and allow audience members to be actively aware that Kazuki’s feelings towards Fuuma still had potential to be romantically coded. It would just be so weird to quickly close off that narrative by giving Fuuma a love interest as opposed to letting Kazuki conclude it himself. It would be fucking beyond frustrating for me, at least Eventually, I kept trying to drive my hopes that they would explore Kazuki’s narrative at all down to the ground because it was a Fuuma-centric novel; maybe if anything they’d explore those feelings in his own novel after the fact. But then they kept having little drops here and there of Kazuki being even the slightest bit relevant and I’d go back to questioning “Are??? They??? Is this on purpose??? Do they know what they’re doing or are they just doing this because Kazuki’s just so important to Fuuma as his best friend that he’s there as his right-hand I genuinely can’t tell???” And um. Welp.

Safe to say Can’t An Idol Fall in Love sold me on the fact that they know what they’re doing LOL. And to anyone who thinks that Kazuki’s feelings can still be read as ambiguous in CAIFILWAI as opposed to explicitly romantic - whether it be due to a fear they may pull the “I like him as a friend” card or due to the disbelief that they have an explicit mlm main character in the Honeyworks series - I’d like to cover any bases that may make you think this way. If you think it’s just Kazuki acting like a protective friend, why do you think he calls Yui a rival? If you’ve only seen the MV and think it’s ambiguous or can be taken as the "likfe" for friend, then does that mean you think Yui’s feelings toward Fuuma are also ambiguous or as a friend? With the way Yui responds, she is trying to rival Kazuki’s feelings towards Fuuma. She and Kazuki recognize whatever feeling it is that they hold towards Fuuma, both of their feelings are the same type. I don’t think most people would argue that Yui’s confession about Fuuma was one of pure respect and friendship. Plus, if anything I’d argue of the three characters in the MV, Fuuma is the one whose feelings are left the most ambiguous despite him being the central character. It’s heavily implied that he may be forming feelings for Yui, but nowhere is it established either in the song or in the MV, especially if you compare it to Kazuki and Yui’s declarations or if you compare it to Sara’s feelings for Uru in Can’t An Idol Fall in Love. Fuuma’s romantic narrative here is trying to figure out how he feels for Yui, while for Kazuki and Yui they’ve established a rivalry because they both have mutually established they like Fuuma romantically.

If the MV isn’t enough for you and Suki isn’t enough for you for...some reason…??? You can check out the snippets of the light novel which the wonderful takanenene translated: one which revisits the conflict set up in Suki and one that covers the confession scene in the MV in more detail. If the fact that the conflict set up in Suki (aka the lurking feeling of not knowing if all he felt for Fuuma was only platonic or more than platonic) was specifically reestablished in the LN for anyone who didn’t keep up with Dolce Diary didn’t tip you off that it was something important, his behavior in the confession scene as depicted by the LN definitely should have. He’s possessive about his spot by Fuuma’s side. He doesn’t want that spot to be taken by anyone else. Even if he knows that they can help Fuuma, he wants it to be him. And this line: “Kazuki then trails off his words, quietly saying ‘That’s why…’ and then gave Yui a slightly painful smile, his cheeks turning red,” before he declares Yui a rival and states he likes Fuuma. If you can tell me you read that line and are still on the fence about Kazuki’s “like” towards Fuuma being romantic, please message me and I will see how I can get through to you. Like it wasn’t even just a romantically coded confession. It’s just a romantic confession. That “like” is romantic. And I’m so proud that he’s not only come to understand for himself how he feels, but that he’s confident enough to ask the person he sees as a romantic rival to speak in private and not only clarify her feelings for Fuuma but before she can even do that firmly establishes that he loves Fuuma with conviction. Kazuki my boy I’m so proud of you. *sniffs*

And that’s it for establishing Kazufuuma as at least canonically one-sidedly canon and why there’s not only no reason to deny it but also why denying it is a fucking disrespectful move towards Kazuki. He’s a character, sure, but that doesn’t change the fact you shouldn’t write off his struggle to come to be convicted enough to say it out loud. This has been something weighing on him at least a year, if not more (all I know is it started when both he and Fuuma were in some year in middle school). And as a character in a piece of media, I’ve been saying this the entire time, but brushing it off as non-romantic is literally chucking a fucking pillar of his character’s story into the gutter. And to those who may be saying Kazuki’s confession came out of nowhere and is pandering reread this entire fucking essay again I dare you to do it and tell me to my face it’s pandering. Again. Writing off the buildup as pandering is disrespectful to him, disrespectful to his character and narrative, and disrespectful to the wonderful people who have been creating Dolce so diligently and have crafted this narrative for us. Saying his “supposed feelings” and “ambiguous confession” is pandering is like saying Fuuma’s crossdressing is pandering which. If you say either of those I will find you and I will shank you in the fucking gut. Even if you’re not fully into Dolce, recognize these characters are actually very well developed and executed amazingly, as per every Honeyworks character that has come to exist. I don’t blame you if you weren’t aware of the weight of Kazufuuma, but now that you read this I hope you are. That’s mainly what I needed to get out there, but as follows will be me more exploring how Kazufuuma has been built up and generally waving my hand off at where it may be going. If you want you can dip, thanks for reading up to here because I know I repeated a lot because it’s just. So important to drill into your head and has been something I’ve been hung up about constantly. LOL

As for where exactly they’re taking it from this point on, I honestly don’t know. In all honesty, I didn’t even expect them to take it the direction they did. But honestly, I think the direction they went with it is really interesting and better than I could have imagined, in my opinion at least. Honeyworks never ceases to amaze me with their storytelling and narrative choices, and I don’t think there’s any that stand out to me as being severely questionable that they haven’t reapproached at some point down the line. And, again, I think they’re treating this with a lot of care and deserved respect. So I’m just gonna be gushing about how smart they set it up and how smart they’ve been executing it and maybe my own hopes on the direction it could go.

Whether they make Kazufuuma reciprocated I have no real clue or bearings, but to me my gut reaction is they will. Of course, I’m biased, but again if you trace things all the way back to 2018 and step through Dolce’s content and growth from there, I’d say even if they didn’t know if they could execute it like this and see it to fruition, I’d argue that Kazufuuma has been at least heavily implied since the beginning as a relationship they wanted to explore from both sides of the relationship. Obviously I brought up Kazuki’s character bio already, but if you look at the *goes to count* 5th Dolce Diary update already has a joke jabbing at the fact that Kazuki is technically Fuuma’s type (and the way Kippei and Kazuki excitedly react is so cute). The fifth update. And as stated before there are tons of Kazufuuma moments in Dolce Diary, whether it’s played for comedic effect or played straight (and this is post Suki but oh my god I’ve said it before I’ll say it again get yourself someone who looks at you the way Kazuki looks at Fuuma oh my jesus). But song-wise, I mentioned the one Dolce album song I would bring up is Nade Nade and this is where it comes!

Not only is Nade Nade specifically focused on Kazuki and Fuuma’s relationship as opposed to the whole of Dolce despite being the first song, it included the setup/preview of the Fuuma-centric extra prior to the full release of the Fuuma-centric extra itself and was released early as fuck. Literally between the 6th and 7th update to Dolce Diary. Sure, it could be to isolate them as a duo for marketing purposes (they’re very often the two promoted idols together if the whole of the group aren’t included), but the way it’s established as a perspective song as opposed to a general idol duet is what fascinates me. Anyone who didn’t know about Dolce prior and only followed Honeyworks for music would be first introduced to these characters through this song alone, and maybe this is where my Kazufuuma bias comes from but I was one of those people LOL. I thought it was just a cute one-off relationship that they had set up for the purpose of a song and that it was an implied friends-to-lovers story that would never get a conclusion. Also I mistakenly thought Fuuma was a girl oop-. In the full context of Dolce, this song in part helped establish Fuuma and Kazuki more solidly as a unique duo out of all of Dolce, but it also specifically explored through Fuuma’s eyes just how much Fuuma recognizes and appreciates the unwavering support Kazuki gives him to follow his dreams as he wishes. For Fuuma, he loves Kazuki too, though whether it holds any romantic potential in the same way Kazuki loves him has never been explored to nearly the same extent. But Fuuma appreciates how Kazuki’s remained by his side and does everything he can to support him, so Nade Nade explores how his way of expressing his love and thankfulness to Kazuki is by never saying that he needs Kazuki by his side. He’s glad Kazuki’s always been there for him, and his reciprocation takes on the form of being ready to unwaveringly support Kazuki and not ask for more than he already has, even if it meant Kazuki would be leaving his side, despite the fact that he really does wish they could remain together forever just as Kazuki does. The one point he lets himself say something vaguely close to always wanting to stay together, he gets a surprised expression out of Kazuki and says an ambiguous “suki dayo.” Of course, this it much less romantically coded than what we get from Kazuki in Suki and CAIFILWAI, but there is an interesting emphasis put on it nonetheless. Keep in mind, this is all established through the song, which released long before not only Fuuma’s character-centric extra released but also Kazuki’s character-centric extra released, so there is at least a substantial setup for Fuuma’s feelings towards Kazuki’s being strong as well and possibly grow to be reciprocated one day.

I think for me the most fascinating part about Nade Nade is how they tied it back around to Can’t An Idol Fall In Love with Another Idol. Again, without remembering Nade Nade, I still thought CAIFILWAI was brilliantly explored and executed, even if some people would have preferred no love triangle. But honestly, revisiting Nade Nade makes me trust even more the direction they’re taking with this. Whether or not they make Kazufuuma canon mutually (which. Even if they for some inexplicable reason didn’t I’m going down with this ship.), I’m sure they’re putting a lot of thought into the story, because the last bit of Nade Nade directly parallels the misunderstanding that arose from Fuuma mishearing the Kazuki and Yui. Fuuma is resolved to support Kazuki in any area he’s given the chance, and that explicitly includes if Kazuki had some girl he liked, which is what he assumes is going on. The fact that they tied this back around in the form of a misunderstanding was really really smart and Honeyworks is always so good at parallels and references back to their older songs, but for some reason I didn’t expect this. I don’t know how to say why, but the fact that the song that started it all, kicked off both Dolce and Kazufuuma, was directly referenced both visually in the MV with a cameo at the start and narratively despite the central dynamic being predominantly explored in this story in particular was that of Fuuma and another potential love interest and involves said potential love interest for some reason makes me think that (sorry Yui) this is all planned out for Kazufuuma in the grand scheme of things. That being said, I don’t know if me thinking it was planned all along is just me with shipper goggles, but the idea it’s come full circle nearly 3 years later is not shipper goggles and a very very well done parallel in my opinion, whether this trajectory was their plan for Kazufuuma from the beginning or not. Just wanted to gush about that some more.

There’s more I could go into especially if I went into specific details about interactions or specific implications established in Honeyworks' Dolce content about different characters that would be fascinating to explore in relation to and under the lens of Kazufuuma, but I think this is uh...plenty long enough. Plus, I doubt you'll stop seeing Kazufuuma posts from me so those ideas will probably just be miniposts or somethin.

Back to the overarching point of this segment, idk what they’ll do with this story in the end, but do I think Kazufuuma will canon? I’m used to looking at ships that aren’t explicitly apparent with a sliver of skepticism, but all things considered (as I stated before) yeah. I don’t see reason why they wouldn’t now that they’ve explicitly identified there is a romantic dimension to it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Like to me, the setup isn’t something that would be written off as unrequited? And this doesn’t have to play into why I don’t think it will canon, my personal opinion on the Fuuyui relationship (again albeit through the lens of a hard Kazufuuma shipper lmao) has it’s own merits and is really cute, I find it cute in the way I found Koyuhina cute. I personally never really shipped Koyuhina, and especially since they slipped Kotarou into Ima Suki Ni Naru I was more curious about who this kid was and how he played into things I didn’t really see Koyuhina as something that would come to fruition. Similarly, there��s more importance in the overall sense on Kazuki than there is Yui (considering he’s one of the 5 original and focal members of this generation of idols, this would be natural), as well as the fact there’s just way more foundation and exploration in Fuuma and Kazuki’s relationship than there is Fuuma and Yui. As for how much of a balance there is inside the LN itself, the fact that they seem to have spent a substantial amount relaying the foundation of Fuuma and Kazuki’s relationship and re-exploring it (at least in Kazuki’s perspective) at all on top of how much content there is covering their relationship prior to the LN ever since Dolce’s origin just feels like that relationship holds more weight. Pretty much Kazufuuma feels more established as a priority in general. The way I personally hope Fuuyui plays out is whether they wind up holding mutual feelings or not or whether Fuuma doesn’t feel that way towards Yui is they get a relationship akin to Kotarou and Arisa. Albeit, Kotarou and Arisa never viewed each other in a romantic light, but they had mutual respect and solidarity. That’s the type of friendship I hope comes out of Fuyui. And considering there hasn’t been a break-up in any Honeyworks’ canon relationships (nor do I expect there to be… they’re all perfect for each other LMAO) it would actually be interesting if Fuuyui get together but don’t endgame and Kazufuuma is established as the inseparable endgame after some realization or another, though I don’t expect them to go that route nor do I know if that’d be the best way to go about it anyway. Also final point, Honeyworks seems to have a thing for childhood friends trope anyway soooooo owo All in all, don’t know where they’re taking it, just excited to see where it goes.

TL;DR of this *counts* 7 page essay, stan Kazufuuma. Not gonna proof this. Maybe I’ll edit and repost but yall are getting a confusing clusterfuck of ramblings over 2-3 hr periods of me writing across 3 different days at around 5am each day. Uh. If you got this far like and subscribe and-- jk plz reply to this mammoth anywhere you see fit or tell me if you have stuffs to add or counter or whatnot I like hearing people talk about Kazufuuma ;w; I am Kazuki and Kazufuuma brainrot can you tell after reading this? No? Lemme just remind you I’m K--

#honeyworks #dolce #kazufuuma #kazuki haiga #fuuma shirayuki #long post #analysis #character analysis #kinda?#nobody cares trash #also keep in mind this is PURELY for self satisfaction LMFAO read it if u wanna dont if u dont idgaf either way #anyway kazufuuma canon fight me #or have intellectual conversation with me #if you want it on a google doc bc it's easier to read hmu #if you can't tell i think about kazufuuma too much #how much of this is repetitive? probably a lot...

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orangeoctopi7 · 3 years

Text

Spiderstan AU Chapter 12

RESEARCH

No one was in a good mood the next morning. Stan was still nursing a huge headache as he recovered from the last bits of Gremloblin neurotoxin. Ford was still cross with Stan for endangering himself and Fiddleford the previous day, as well as a bit distracted thinking about what Bill could possibly be sending him. And poor Fiddleford had obviously not slept a wink last night, although whether that was due to discomfort from the broken arm or anxiety after the Gremloblin attack was unclear.

“Are either of you feeling up to retrieving our supplies?” Ford asked as they all poked at a breakfast of instant oatmeal.

“No.” Stan grumbled into his bowl, pinching the bridge of his nose, as though he could draw the tension out from behind his eyes.

“...Fiddleford?” Ford asked when his friend didn’t respond. The inventor looked up with a start.

“Wh-what?” he reacted as though someone had just threatened him.

“I just want to know if you’re feeling up to going back up the hill and retrieving the supplies we had to leave behind.”

McGucket fidgeted with the sling that was holding his broken arm in place. “N-n-no, no I don’t think so.”

Ford frowned with concern. “Alright. I should be able to manage on my own with the amulet of levitation. Stanley, could you at least take Fiddleford to the hospital, so you can get a professional to set it and provide a proper cast?”

“Waste of money, if y’ask me.” Stan grunted.

“I didn’t ask you.” Ford hissed. “Fiddleford, I suppose it’s your own choice whether you want to go see a doctor or not.”

“No! I’m not crazy! I’m not seein’ no shrink!” his friend snapped.

“...I meant for your arm.” Stanford clarified, after a moment of stunned silence.

“...Oh. R-right…. Yeah… r-reckon I oughta…”

“Look, buddy, if you don’t wanna go to the hospital, no judgement here.” Stan assured the inventor. “And if you do wanna go, I’ll drive ya, just don’t expect me to come in with you.”

“They don’t charge you for sitting in the waiting room, Stan.” Ford rolled his eyes.

“No, but if I ask for a cup of water, they’d probably add it to your bill.” Stan countered.

Ford stood and grabbed his coat, along with a small turquoise stone set in a brass broach. “Well, you two work out what you want to do. I’m going to go retrieve our things.”

“Try not to get yourself killed while you’re off on your own, ok?” Stan called after him as he left.

“I’ll be fine, mom!”

Stan and McGucket just sat chewing their oatmeal for another moment or two before either of them spoke again.

“So, uh, just to be clear, did you want me to drive you to the hospital, or…?”

“Oh, I reckon I should go.” McGucket nodded, more confident this time. “Mainly ‘cuz this make-shift cast an’ sling Stanford made fer me ain’t ‘xactly comfer’ble. A professional one’ll prob’ly be better protection, too.”

“Alright, we’ll go in a minute, just lemme finish eating.”

“While we’re out, I think we oughta talk ‘bout Stanford’s, uh, mysterious friend.”

Stan grimaced. “Yeah. I think that thing was here again last night. I was too out of it to go check, though.”

“Does it show up every night?” McGucket asked anxiously.

“Nah, I only felt it a few times while you were gone.” Stan informed him. “And two of those were during the day. I dunno what that thing’s deal is.”

“That’s ‘xactly why we gotta learn more ‘bout it.” the inventor. “It don’t seem like Ford’s gonna be very forthcoming with information, so we’ll have to start askin’ around the town.”

“How do we do that in a way that, y’know, doesn’t make people think we’re crazy?”

Fiddleford flinched at Stan’s words, and he needed a few seconds to regain his composure.

“Like I said before, lots’a Native American artefacts round the valley have that one-eyed triangle on it. I’m sure if’n we just ask people if they know what it is or where it comes from, act like we’re jus’ interested in the history, that won’t turn no heads.”

“Yeah, cuz I’m sure people will believe a guy like me is just interested in history.”

“Why not? Nobody here knows you ‘cept maybe as Ford’s brother, if they don’t just mistake you for ‘im outright. It ain’t that hard to believe.”

Stan opened his mouth to argue, but Fiddleford had a point. Maybe this would work.

* * *

After dropping Fiddleford off at the hospital, Stan started asking around about the yellow triangle thing. While most folks at least recognized the symbol when Stan drew it, no one really knew where it came from or what it was, other than something associated with the illuminati. Nobody knew about its connections to local Native American folklore. Stan supposed he shouldn’t have been surprised, it wasn’t like he expected the hospital receptionist to be an expert on Native American history.

Thankfully, Fiddleford’s checkup didn’t take too long. Stan had just wrapped up a conversation with an old farmer when the inventor stepped back into the waiting room, wearing a new cast.

“Any luck?” McGucket asked as they climbed back into Stan’s car.

“No. Shockingly, none of these yokels know anything about our mysterious visitor.”

“Hmmm, I reckon we’ll have better luck researchin’ at the library.”

Stan groaned loudly.

“What’ve you got against libraries?” Fiddleford asked, like an insult to the library was as bad as a personal insult.

“Nothin’, libraries are great, they’re some place I can go for air conditioning or heating and just sit around for a few hours without raisin’ a fuss. What I ain’t a fan of is researching.”

Fiddleford chuckled and shook his head. “Well, lucky for you I’m plenty experienced in that department. S’pose you could chat with the librarians while I do the book research.

The library was nearly empty, considering it was the middle of the day on a Wednesday. Of course, that meant the librarians weren’t too preoccupied to answer some questions. One helped Fiddleford search the catalog for books on the local tribes’ history and folklore, while the other talked to Stan.

“Ah yes, you see a lot of this figure in ancient art.” The librarian nodded. “Many people erroneously assume it’s a Freemason or illuminati symbol, but it actually becomes much less common after European contact.”

“Why’s that?” Stan asked.

“Hmm, I’ll admit I don’t know. We haven’t got access to any recordings of local oral tradition. Although I’ve heard many Native American communities are starting to tape that sort of thing. If you really want to know the original story behind that symbol, you should go to the original source!”

“Yeah, cuz I’m sure they’re eager to share the story with some random white guy.” Stan rolled his eyes.

“Oh, I’m sure as long as you’re respectful, they’d just be happy someone is taking an interest. Warm Springs Reservation is only about an hour and a half drive from here, they’re a confederation of Tenino, Wasco, and Paiute tribes. They have a museum, you should go pay them a visit.”

Respectful wasn’t usually in Stan’s vocabulary, but he supposed this case was an exception.

Seeing as the librarian didn’t have much more info for Stan, he contented himself with browsing the library’s comics section while Fiddleford did his book research. The nerd took much less time than Stan had been expecting.

“This library’s collection of local Native American folklore ain’t what I’d call extensive.” Fiddleford shook his head, “I was only able to find a couple of tangential references to the thing. All I got is it’s associated with knowledge.”

“Hmph, no wonder Ford’s buddy-buddy with it.”

“What ‘bout you, did the librarian have any more info for ya?”

“Not really, but she did recommend I go visit the nearest reservation and check out their museum. Not a bad idea really, ‘snot like we’ve gotten any info from anyone else. Plus, I bet they’ve got a casino!”

“That’s not really gonna help us figure anything out.”

“No, but it’ll help me blow off steam. Besides, Ford’ll be suspicious if I suddenly wanna visit a Native American museum. I’m coverin’ my tracks.”

* * *

Thanks to Ford’s photographic memory and stopping to get directions from a passing gnome, the young researcher was able to find their gear and carry it back to Fiddleford’s truck in just a few hours. Retracing his steps brought back memories of their hike, both good and bad. That night around the campfire had been nice, talking about their plans for the future, joking with Stan… but then the next morning, he’d overhead his friends talking behind his back.

“...And while you were on vacation, he kinda implied he wasn't up here alone before you moved in. I think this has been going on for a while. Maybe even years. Did you ever notice anything weird right after you moved in?"

"Other than that creepy triangle symbol everywhere? Not really…"

Ford grit his teeth, and the levitating objects in front of him wobbled. Didn’t they trust him? Even if he couldn’t tell them about Bill, couldn’t they at least understand that he was just doing what he could to further their research? Why did they automatically assume Bill was dangerous?

“...They could have at least asked me…” The researcher muttered under his breath.

“WELL, THEY COULD HAVE, BUT WE BOTH KNOW YOU WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN ABLE TO GIVE THEM A STRAIGHT ANSWER.”

“Bill!” Ford startled in surprise.

“HEYA SIXER, THOUGHT I’D COME KEEP YOU COMPANY WHILE YOU PICK UP AFTER YOUR BROTHER’S MESS.”

“Thank you, Bill, I appreciate it.” Ford smiled gratefully.

“HEY, WHAT ARE FRIENDS FOR! NOT LIKE THOSE JERKS WHO LEFT YOU TO DO THIS ON YOUR OWN.”

“Well, that’s not their fault. They’re both still recovering from the Gremloblin attack yesterday.”

“SO, WHAT’S EATIN’ YA, SIXER? BESIDES YOUR OWN BODY’S METABOLISM SLOWLY BURNING ITSELF OUT.”

Ford sighed. “I just wish I could tell them about you. It’d make things so much easier!”

Bill tisked. “THEIR REACTION TO MY HELP AT THE ALIEN SHIP IS PROOF ENOUGH, THEY JUST WOULDN’T GET IT.”

“But if I had a chance to explain--”

“WE’VE ALREADY DISCUSSED THIS, FORDSY. EVEN IF THEY DO TAKE YOUR EXPLANATION SERIOUSLY AND DON’T THINK YOU’VE FINALLY LOST IT, ARE YOU REALLY NAIVE ENOUGH TO BELIEVE THEY’LL JUST GO ON SUPPORTING YOU? WE BOTH KNOW WHAT STANO’S LIKE WHEN YOU’RE ABOUT TO MOVE ON TO SOMETHING BIGGER AND BETTER. AND FOUR-EYES ALREADY ADMITTED TO YOUR FACE HE’D RATHER BE WORKING ON HIS OWN PROJECTS BACK HOME WITH HIS FAMILY. YOU REALLY THINK HE WOULDN’T TAKE THE FACT THAT YOU’VE GOT ME AS A SIGN HE’S OK TO PACK UP AND HEAD BACK HOME?”

“N-no, he wouldn’t… I still need his help!”

“HMMM, MAYBE YOU’RE RIGHT. MAYBE HE’D HELP HIMSELF TO YOUR PRELIMINARY RESEARCH AND PUBLISH IT HIMSELF FIRST.”

“Fiddleford’s my friend, he wouldn’t do that!”

“OH RIGHT, I FORGOT! YOU TWO ARE SUCH GOOD FRIENDS YOU’D NEVER LIE TO EACH OTHER OR TALK BEHIND THE OTHER’S BACK!”

Ford did not have a good rationalization for that.

“I’M JUST SAYING, STANFORD, BE CAREFUL WHO YOU TRUST!”

* * *

Stan and McGucket were helping themselves to a late lunch when Ford returned with their equipment.

“So you went to the hospital after all.” Ford observed, nodding at Fiddleford’s new cast.

“Oh, yep…” Fiddleford answered. The inventor still seemed anxious and distracted.

“How long did they say you’d need to wear the cast?”

“‘Bout a week…” Fiddleford tapped his foot nervously.

Ford frowned. “I was hoping we’d be able to start connecting the hyperdrive to the portal tonight, but I supposed Stanley could help lift the superstructure.”

“Mmmnope.” Stanley declined. “I’m headin’ out to the casino tonight.”

“What? Why?”

“To gamble, genius, what do you think I’m gonna do at a casino?”

“No, I mean… why do you feel the need to go to a casino?”

“Have a little fun, make a little cash.”

“...Is this because I still haven’t gone grocery shopping?”

“What!? No, for cryin’ out loud, Ford, I just wanna go out and spend a night on the town!”

“On a Wednesday?”

“Yeah, that’s how you beat the crowds! I figure I deserve a break after fighting a monster and getting poisoned!”

“Oh…” Ford deflated. “... that’s fair. But… you’re coming back afterwards, right?”

Stan rolled his eyes. “Don’t worry, your latest specimen isn’t gonna fly the coop.”

Stanford frowned at his brother’s comment, but didn’t offer a retort. Instead he set about fixing his own late lunch. “So yet another day goes by where we make no progress on the portal project.”

“Stanford, I know yer eager to make your mark and get answers, but there really ain’t any reason we can’t take another day or two!” Fiddleford assured him. “There ain’t no ‘Weirdness Rush’ yet.”

“Perhaps, but one thing I’ve learned over the last six years here is that it’s far too easy to get distracted by every little fascinating thing one comes across here. If we don’t stay focused, we could easily keep putting it off until it just never gets done. I prefer to strike while the iron is hot.”

“Well, you keep striking iron, Ford.” Stan waved him off. “Tonight, I’m hopin’ to strike gold!”

* * *

After Stan left, the two scientists spent the night going over calculations and carefully inspecting the hyperdrive. Ford was disappointed they wouldn’t be able to start hooking it up to the mechanics of the portal just yet, but it was the kind of delicate mechanical work he only trusted McGucket with. He wished he had some more manual work to preoccupy his mind tonight. The young researcher had a hard time focusing on his calculations; his mind kept wandering to his brother.

If Stan won the jackpot, he’d be able to support himself. He wouldn’t have any more reason to stay here and work with me… Would he even come back? Would he even bother telling us?

Ford sighed with frustration as he realized he’d just read the same equation three times over. He really needed something to keep his hands occupied while he worked. He reached over to McGucket’s desk for what he often did when he needed something to keep his hands busy, and picked up his friend’s Cubics Cube. He raised an eyebrow when he noticed it still hadn’t been solved since the last time he scrambled it. He’d never seen Fiddleford leave it unsolved for more than a few hours. He glanced over to see the young inventor also seemed to be having trouble focusing on his work.

“You can’t concentrate either?” Ford asked, noticing how Fiddleford’s knee kept up a steady pace of 2 kbps, but his eyes stayed fixed at the top of the page he was supposed to be checking.

Fiddleford startled at his friend’s words. “S-sorry, jus’ tired. Didn’t sleep well last night.”

Ford offered him a sympathetic smile. “I don’t imagine so. I’m sure you’ll be on the mend soon enough though.”

“Mmm.” McGucket hummed noncommittally. “And how ‘bout you, what’s keepin’ you from concentratin’?”

The researcher hemmed and hawed for a moment before he finally settled on an answer. “I suppose I’m a bit concerned with Stanley. I know he’s staying here because he’s got nowhere else to go, and I’m happy to give him a place to stay, but if things go well for him at the casino tonight… why would he stay here if he suddenly acquires the means to support himself?”

McGucket huffed a small chuckle and rolled his eyes. “It’s like I keep tellin’ ya Ford, you oughta be tellin’ him this stuff, and not me! If’n you really want him to stay, then you gotta be honest with him!”

“I-I am!” Ford insisted, willfully ignoring the fact that he was not, in fact, being honest about Bill. That didn’t count. He’d tell Stan if he thought Stan needed to know.

The inventor just rolled his eyes again. “Mama was right, can’t be honest with others if’n ya ain’t honest with yerself first.”

“And what is that supposed to mean?”

“You know what I mean, ya lost yer temper with me the last time I brought it up!”

Ford scoffed. “I am not under some deluded hope that if Stan stays, it will magically solve our issues.”

Fiddleford nodded. “Yeah, it does seem like you two are past that point. Now you’re just wantin’ to keep him around ‘cuz he’s your brother and you’ll miss him!”

The atmosphere of the room instantly went cold, and the pages of calculations in Fords hands crinkled as his grip tightened. “I would absolutely. Never. Try and keep Stan around. Just because I would miss him.” He enunciated through clenched teeth. “I… I simply… I have his best interests in mind! And the interest of my research! But I’m not trying to keep him here! He’s free to leave! He--he’s free to pursue other interests!”

McGucked raised his hands placatingly. Obviously, he had touched a nerve. “I’m sorry, I misspoke! I jus’ meant to say you care about him is all!”

“Of course I care about him! When was that ever in question!?”

Fiddleford gave him a steady look. “When ya went more than ten years without talkin’ to each other.”

Ford flushed. “It’s not like Stanley ever reached out to me! And I was the one who had a regular address and phone number! How was I supposed to talk to him, when he was always traveling!? Even our mother never got more than the occasional postcard!”

“I’m not sayin’ yer brother’s blameless in this, Ford, I’m jus’ sayin’ you could stand to actually let him know how you feel!”

“I don’t even know how I feel half the time!” The researcher burst. He was stunned by his own words, and took a moment to collect his thoughts and calm down a bit before continuing. “Stanley’s my brother, and he was such an important part of my life growing up. Of course I care about him. But the things he’s done-- the things he still does-- the way he ignores what I want because he thinks he knows best-- it infuriates me! So I suppose you could say my feelings for him are… complicated.”

Fiddleford nodded. “Family’s always complicated.”

Ford scoffed derisively. “This is considerably more complicated than the average family squabble.”

McGucket laughed. “You’re right about that! Well, if it makes ya feel any better, I’m pretty sure Stan ain’t gonna run out on ya tonight, even if he does win it big at that casino. He’s got unfinished business here, after all.”

“That’s an odd way to refer to our continued studies of his powers, but I suppose you’re right.”

* * *

The parking lot for the Warm Springs History Museum was completely empty. Not that the casino lot across the way was packed, but it at least had a few cars parked near the entrance. Stan worried the museum might be closed, but he saw the light was on, and the door was unlocked.

There didn’t appear to be another soul in the building. Stan wandered around from one exhibit to the next, looking for anything that might be related to Ford’s mysterious benefactor. Stan wasn’t really all that surprised that he didn’t find anything. Finally, he rounded a corner and found the gift shop. A teenage girl who was probably supposed to be the cashier sat in front of a small TV. It was clearly supposed to be playing a VHS that the gift shop was trying to sell, but instead an Itira 3600 was hooked up and playing Brick Break.

“Uh, ‘scuse me?” Stan cleared his throat and knocked gently on the counter.

The girl didn’t glance away from the screen, eyes carefully following the bouncing pixel as it broke through another line of bricks. “Yeah I know you’re there I can see your reflection on the screen. We close in like ten minutes, just grab whatever you want and I’ll ring you up once I clear this level.”

“I’m not here to buy anything.”

“Then you better turn around and head back to the casino, ‘cuz bricks ain’t the only thing I can break.”

“I don’t want anything from you either!” Stan assured her, waving his hands innocently. “I just got some questions about, uh, tribal history.”

“That’s what this museum is here for, sir.” She answered flatly.

“The thing I’m askin’ about isn’t in the museum, trust me, I checked.”

“We got history books too.”

“I doubt it’s in there either. Hey, if you’re too busy, is there someone else I can talk to?”

The girl tisked and tilted her game controller. “Yeah yeah, just a sec. I just got one more line at the top.”

Stan rolled his eyes and tapped his fingers on the counter impatiently. He supposed he couldn’t blame the girl. This was probably a very boring job. He knew most people who came this way were probably more interested in the casino, not the history of the people who had to run it just to make ends meet.

The girl finally cleared the level and put her controller down as the new level loaded in. “Ok, what’s your question.”

“Ok, this might sound stupid, but can you tell me more about what this thing is?” Stan pulled a pamphlet off the counter and drew the triangle with the eye. “I think it’s usually yellow?”

The girl raised her eyebrow in surprise when she took in Stan’s drawing. “Oh… that. You don’t see anything about that in here because that’s associated with… I guess the best word for it would be curses?”

Stan’s heart skipped a beat. “R-really? The little research I did on it beforehand said it was associated with knowledge.”

“Yeah, cursed knowledge.” The girl told him. “I’ll admit, I’m not super familiar with it. It’s kinda really ancient. When Nathaniel Northwest swindled us out of our land in Gravity Falls, we were relative newcomers. All the other tribes in the area believed the valley was cursed, because of that thing.”

Stan gulped. “What, uh, what’d it do?”

The girl put on her best storytelling voice. “Well, a thousand years ago, there was an old shaman called Modoc the Wise. He and his people worshipped that being. Until one day, Modoc learned its terrible secret. Modoc warned the people that the being they’d been worshipping was a liar, and that it would lay waste to the valley. But before he could tell them any more, the being drove him mad, and he slaughtered half his tribe before lighting himself on fire to try and stop it!”

Stan paled. “So, uh, this guy’s really bad news, huh?”

“That’s an understatement, but yeah.” The girl nodded. “Why do you want to know, anyway?”

“Uh, I live in Gravity Falls. I’ve just seen this thing on a lot of stuff, wondered what it was.”

“Ah, well, have fun living with the knowledge that your hometown is cursed!” She smiled viciously at him. “Now, it’s closing time. Are you gonna buy something or not?”

* * *

Stan tried to take his mind off things at the casino. His superhuman reflexes made him a whiz at the slots, but he had learned in the past that winning too much tended to draw unwanted attention. Of course, Stan was too busy trying to process what he’d just learned to pay much attention to his gambling, so it’s not like he could have won it big even if he was trying.

After just half-an-hour, it was clear that his heart just wasn’t in it today. Stan decided to play a round of Craps before he left, just to get in some dice rolling. Then he’d head home.

Careful. He warned himself. Don’t go callin’ that place your home. You know the second you get comfortable there is the second Ford decides he doesn’t want you around anymore.

By the time he finished, Stan managed to leave with about $20 more in his pocket than when he came in, so it wasn’t a bad night, gambling-wise. And he had at least learned something about that triangle guy. It just wasn’t good news. The trip certainly wasn’t a loss. So why did Stan feel like he hadn’t gained anything?

These thoughts weighed so heavily on his mind, that he never noticed the eyes on him as he left the casino.

“We’ve found him.” A shadowy figure spoke into his walkie-talkie.

* * *

PSM WAZF FFY OENKGK KS LELB, TPXLL QAT? YOP HGR’T PQB KEDO TF UVDI GJ YFWY FPV JRZGUUW?

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nimbus-tatze · 3 years

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so the lab grown meat post ( https://nimbus-tatze.tumblr.com/post/639887396603920384/ok-so-lab-grown-meat-i-hate-with-a-passion-the ) gained a bit of traction and I decided to adress how to approach agriculture, some of these technologies and how to help out rural communities, thanks goes to @lordofthechips

Mostly I've listed attitudes/mindsets you may want to adopt to a certain degree, depending on your circumstances and beliefs. Anyone can add if they have good advice, but essentially 'get rid of animal ag' ain't it.

Don't generalize and try to look for nuance, especially coming from the locals/experts. Influencers aren't experts. It'd be lovely if more of us try to let rural communities make their own decisions and don't talk over them. That includes online posts.

Instead of always looking for new answers, look for older ones as well. There is a reason many traditions have become traditions. As you lose them through modernization you lose generational knowledge. Not a call for bigotry in case that's not clear.

Agriculture is different in each case. Don't try to make one solution fit every case or judge them if they don't. Hating animal agriculture is one thing, but when you want to get rid of it you include indigenous people, poor people, etc. There is a reason these people continue to do it that way and they know better than you why.

If you have the time/opportunity try to help out on a farm for a while, especially during harvest, feel free to do so. It's a great way to learn, get into conversation with farmers and the community (think about all the people you meet on the way, those working in the small shops you might need to go into to grab a snack etc), and make connections.

Look up CSA farms in your area. Community Supported Agriculture. I don't know how it works elsewhere but where I live we come together as a group, pick a farm, and get into an agreement with them to have an exclusive relationship as consumers with that farm. That means we as a community are their sole customers, but we agree to financially back the farm on a yearly basis (or 6 months and so on, each agreement can be different). So we agree on a price and pay that even if there is no produce/products yet. We don't have to pay every single time we get food, can make requests to grow certain cultures or apply certain practices, and can also frequently visit the farm. If the harvest is extra good that year, we don't have to pay more. In return the farmer is financially insured against stuff like a few years of bad harvest or issues with livestock, can get additional funding for expanding their operation etc. It's oversimplified here, and there are varieties so if you like to learn more about the german model you can look for SoLaWi (Solidarische Landwirtschaft). In my case farmers drive their stuff into the city for us on specific days and in locations close to your neighbourhood and hand you a box with what you want.

Don't talk over people in their own field. Don't go into the field with the intentions of a missionairy. You wouldn't try to teach a virologist about Covid. I hope. Even if you have reason to believe that person is wrong about the point they make, don't try to disprove it, that's the job of other people of the field. And they already make sure to disprove what's wrong.

essentially like the point above but If you decide to quote someone from the field don't do it against someone also from that field. Don't direct indigenous quotes at me to discredit my indigenous experiences for example, especially if you aren't indigenous yourself. That's a conversation for us. Also each tribe/scientific field is different (look Point 1).

Look outside the western world and if you have the means to travel pls visit not just the popular tourist sites. The villages/towns can tell you so much more than I can in a post. Try to have a local host you if it's not too difficult for them.

Don't dismiss rural folks as dumb/naive/racist. Doesn't mean bigotry isn't a problem, but try to pick out what they are saying about rural communities and ag in particular, bc they're still locals and still know more about local circumstances. Stay on topic.

Be suspicious about feel-good-uwu-stuff. It doesn't always have to be bad, but if what you're looking at primarily adresses your emotions you wanna be suspicious. Like cute animal videos, anthropomorphism especially, tech that seems to magically solve an issue, that stuff.

But also, even if you feel suspicious about tech/agriculture/etc keep it mind it might help others out. I highly criticized lab grown meat from an ag engineering perspective, but also mentioned it is probably amazing for healthcare. Some gadgets we might call lazy, but they can be incredibly helpful to disabled people and so on. Let's try to keep a door open with the benefits other people in mind

I'll add constantly seek education to this list BUT I don't recommend specific documentaries or books, bc they can be misleading especially if one misses out on pre-info that those forms of media built on. There can be a lot of emotional manipulation, weird framing, and so on and even with factual statements it's easy to frame smth wrong, check out the entire dehydrogenmonoxid=water project a student tried out.

Not to say there isn't good stuff out there, but pls don't get caught in echo chambers. If you have access to academic sources try to use them, even if they're more 'boring'.

TL;DR: don't get polarized, use nuance and talk to a variety of people and leave the job of 'correcting' experts to other experts.

(Also it's a bit hastily put together, so I hope it answers the question, lemme know if not precisely enough!)

#nt long post #animal agriculture #agricultural engineering #rural areas #lab grown meat #also this is hastily put together and long and poorly worded #just pls know I don't try to push anyone in or out of categories and I promise I'm open to conversation as long as it's reasonable #and not your typical tumblr discourse #and also you're very very welcome to add tips on here if you like #also i don't know how to link shit prettily just because #i will reblog this a few times maybe #you can blacklist my daylight reblog tag if you like #i need to use tags more frequently and properly

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heartwoodventures · 3 years

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Primary Access Required: Testing, Testing

In which Heartwood heads back to (bloody) Coerthas in order to test Aislinn’s aether dampener and catch themselves a spidery bioweapon!

Aislinn arrived in Heartwood’s front hall after a quick rest and a change of clothes. Seeing Rising near the tanks, she walked up and peered into the aquarium. "How's your friend?" she asked, doing away with any preamble.

Rising was eyeing the smaller fish swimming around the bottom of the tank as Aislinn approached. "Seems like he's doin' alright! If he ain't been eaten yet I don't think he will."

Aislinn gave a brief smile as she caught sight of the little bugger. "Looks like he's one of the team now. Good on him." she nodded before turning and taking a seat to wait for things to get under way. "How about yourself? How's things?"

Cravendy slips out from her room and joins the others by the couches. Once seated, she immediately begins to fiddle with her gun, double and triple checking its parts on repeat.

Riylli lazily waves to Cravs as she enters and takes a seat near her. "Hey! Have we always had this many Miqo'te in the company? Why'd no one tell me?"

"Still need a name though." Rising rubs her chin as she was clearly running through suitable options in her head. "Crimble I suppose seems alright, an' can't complain here, yourself? Carve anythin' neat yet?"

"Crimble." Aislinn tried the name out a few times, murmuring it under her breath. "Aye, that fits. Tiny-sounding. Like a crumb or a thimble." At Rising's question though, she tilted her head. "I'm getting really good at spatulas. And kindling. Lots of kindling for the fire." she replied in a deadpan way before shrugging in wry amusement. "So it goes."

"Well then after you start your fire with the kindlin' you have somethin' to flip your food at least! I guess next thing ya should work on is a fork or a plate eh?" Rising plopped down on the other chair, cursing a moment later. "Shite, we're headin' to Coerthas right?"

N'yami moved through the estate with a carbuncle following right behind her, the Seeker chose to stand next to the railing and eye the group that had showed up. Ears flicked at the mention of Riylli's comment then offered a small wave. "I tend to hide out in my workshop, only come out when I'm either needed or dragged out."

N'ana Firesong stretches.

“I always figured ye cat-folk kept to yourselves...” Cravendy dips her head at N’yami. Case in point.

Riylli waved back to N'yami and flashed her a quick grin. "Well, it's nice to finally meet ya then. My names Riylli." She said, before her friendly attitude turned on a dime as she turned back to Cravs. "Don't call us cats." She said, her voice cold and clearly annoyed.

Haila meanwhile, merely remained silent. She could see new faces being involved in this particular case, and it didn't bring any relief more than worry. Having more people meant bigger risks of losing someone again, or at least, such was the case in her eyes as she glanced around with a small frown.

N'ana Firesong simply dusted her legs and made herself comfortable.

Evelyn Blazewing laughs and shakes her head upon hearing Riylli's comment. "Fufufu... this vessel is merely temporary. But I suppose I am still /technically/ a Miqo'te..." She brought her bandaged right hand up to cover the left side of her face. "I much prefer the company of my familiar than I do that of mortals. But, I figured I should at least come out every once in a while to converse with the commoners..." She smiled smugly to herself with her last comment.

Riylli Aliapoh raised an eyebrow at Evelyn's comment, then looked around the room to check everyone elses reactions only to find no one looking as confused as she was. "Erm... Right. Well, nice to meet you too... I think."

N'yami Synch: "N'yami, ya ever need somethin' fixed lemme know and I'll lend a hand." The carbuncle next to the Seeker jumped up onto the Seeker's shoulder to wrap around her like a scarf, the summon wanted to feel a part of the conversation. "Oh, and this is Whackara before she hits me for not introducin' her." The summon puffed out her chest with joy. "So I'm sure the rest of ya are as excited as I am to head out to Coerthas and deal with that cold hell."

Cravendy Hound grunts, but obliges to Riylli’s request. She was used to hanging out with pirates whose conversations were often thinly veiled insulting contests, and old habits die hard. “Right...Mee-quote-tay. Not cat.”

Aislinn was about to open her mouth to reply to Rising but quickly shut it as N'yami started talking. She turned her attention to the miqo'te and simply sighed. Damned bloody Coerthas.

N'ana Firesong: "What is in this Cold hell ye are dealing with?"

Haila Wetyios: "The reason we're short three people within the Company right now..." was all she'd comment, choosing to allow N'yami to take the floor on this one.

N'yami Synch: "Allagan spider creatures that some crazed scientist made to drain aether from living things...." She paused and thought it over for a moment. "I think that about sums it up." The Seeker shrugged. "I just got pulled into this recently."

Evelyn chuckles to herself. "Ah, are you all going out? I, Evelyn Blazewing, third incarnation of Lord Blazewing the Phoenix, the Eternal Ember, shall accompany you. You said we are headed to Coerthas, is that right, mortal? Fufufu... a phoenix not need worry about the cold. You should be most glad that I'm tagging along! My prowess with fire shall prove most useful to all of you there... i-if you'll have me, I mean." She looked away a bit at her last statement.

Rising Lotus grumbled more as their location was confirmed, shrugging as Riylli glanced at her. "Don't have my damn cold gear with me..gonna be a fun day." she sighed and slumped down a bit in the chair.

After casting an askance look at Evelyn and her declaration, Aislinn murmured almost to herself. "I'll have to grab my bleeding coat before we head out." If Aislinn hated anything, it was the cold.

N'ana Firesong: "Well then meh blade if for ye then. Don't know much of whatever these spiders are but aye am always willing to test meh metal."

Riylli grinned. "Finally, I've been waiting to go after those spiders ever since I joined this group! You can't just lead with that then make me build up some town for moons instead. I'm built for smashing, not building!"

Haila snapped her eyes towards one of the newcomers. "Pride won't do you any good in this, nor recklessness. These things have casters as their primary targets each and every single time we've come across them." she said, immediately sighing afterwards as she raised a hand to her forehead. "It goes without saying that magic should be the very VERY last resort in this expedition you're all about to go." she added, this time glancing at everyone.

Cravendy Hound: “Are ye all ‘earin’ what I’m ‘earin’? Or am I ‘avin’ some kind of...” Cravs shakes her head in confusion at Evelyn’s remarks. But it was all very curious to her, and she found herself wondering about the curious character. “Aye, let’s bring along that one.”

N'yami had a very confused look on her face for a moment but it vanished as soon as it appeared. "Well, I believe Aislinn had a device to help us?" She perked a brow when looking over to the Hyur. "Last time we talked we were goin' to use me as bait for pullin' the creature in while the rest of ya bring it down."

Haila Wetyios: "All of this while keeping the spider as intact as possible. 'Tis all I'd ask to finish cracking the data and communication they all share."

N'ana Firesong: "So we are studying them, not slaying them."

Riylli Aliapoh breathed a sigh of relief that someone else was hearing what Evelyn was saying, and that she had not just gone insane. But she had another concern now, turning to Haila, "Wait, we can't use magic? No one said anythin' about not using magic."

Aislinn nodded to N'yami. "The aether dampener, aye. Did you remember to grab it from your mother's desk?" she asked. "Like I said before it. ..*should* mask a person's aether signature a great deal. But, you can't get something for nothing. In return, it makes using aether far more difficult. Like training with weights on. Should being the operative word. I've tested it out here but it's never really been field tested before. And not against those bioweapons." she added.

N'yami’s ears went down for a moment, that's right she was supposed to grab it. But never fear Whackara was on the case! The carbuncle swatted Yami over the head before opening her mouth to show the object they were talking about. "Oh yea! Gave it to ya to protect." Holding her hand out the carbuncle just dropped it in Yami's hands like it was no big deal. Clearly this wasn't the first time the carbuncle was used for storage.

Cravendy‘s frown deepens at the mention of N’yami being bait. “It sounds like ye ‘ave all the pieces aligned, but that sounds risky. If it looks like yer in trouble, then ye’ll ‘ave to forgive me for trashin’ the enemy.”

"We've lost three people so far, all of them having a specialty somehow tied to conjury or white magic. We can't take extra risks again." Haila paused, turning over to Riylli.

"When the first person went missing, a group of three assembled secretly and went to try and find them without telling anyone... Needless to say, only the one person that wasn't exactly magically inclined came back. Those creatures are an army of machina to say the least."

Evelyn Blazewing sighs. "Fine, mortal. I shall hold my magic unless it is absolutely necessary. You needn't worry regardless, for a phoenix always rises from her ashes!" She struck a small pose, leaning back in her seat for a moment before returning to her usual position. "So we're letting it live? Perhaps it is best I not use my magic after all..." She sighs and shrugs. "I will simply find another way to assist you all, then. I shall exercise extreme caution so you do not worry, viera. Does that help ease your nerves?"

Riylli Aliapoh peaked up from over the back of her couch to listen to Aislinn explain. "Well... I should be able to work with using less aether, but you won't be getting me at my best! I was hoping to show off proper this time too, since no one could see anything during that dodo fight..."

Aislinn nodded in thanks to the carbuncle for remembering. She looked back to N'yami. "Once you're ready, just cuff it to your wrist, the stone and circuitry should do the rest." she once more eyed Evelyn with a wary gaze.

Haila Wetyios: "As long as you keep your own distance, I won't complain." she merely stated with a serious tone, though from her voice, it was clear that she had her own reservations or even personal feelings about this entire case.

Rising Lotus raised her hand "Going with what Cravs said, in case things start to go sour, we ought to have a signal or somethin' to switch from catchin' to smashin' and gettin' outa there."

Aislinn turned her attention to Riylli. "Unfortunately, I only had time to create one prototype." she jerked her chin to the one in N'yami's hands. "The rest of us need to be careful."

Riylli groaned. "Great... Guess I'll just... Play defense, or somethin'..." She muttered, totally pouting over not getting to fight the spiders properly

"Should I put it on now or wait till we get there?" N'yami eyed Riylli for a moment, an actual caster would be better playing bait but the Seeker couldn't bring herself to letting the others getting injured if things went bad.

Aislinn does her best to hold her tongue in the face of such idealistic exuberance. The gravity of the loss of Heartwood members in the face of these bioweapons hadn't truly sunken in for the new recruits. Sometimes experience was the best teacher. She looked to N'yami and took a refocusing breath. "Depends on if you think you're going to need to call upon some aether between now and then."

“Scream once if yer in trouble, twice if yer just foolin’ with us.” Cravs dryly advises N’yami.

"What happens if I do it three times?" N’yami grinned, joking of course and an attempt to lighten the mood. "No worries, if things start goin' bad I'll let ya know guys know."

Evelyn: "Ah, is that what our signal shall be? Primitive and simple, yet effective. The success of our mission is all but assured regardless if we take the necessary precautions."

N'yami nodded. "So." N'yami clipped the item onto her wrist. "Who wants to hold the Carbuncle? If things start goin' bad she'll let ya know." The summon’s ears perked up and pitch black orbs looked around the room to determine who her Coerthas buddy will be.

Evelyn raises her hand enthusiastically. "I shall care for thy familiar, mortal. Choose me, and you shall not regret it."

Cravendy Hound tries to lean into N’yami’s confidence, and tries to tell herself this mission will be smooth sailing. But an ever familiar anxiety sets her heart pumping. Cravs huffs, and moodily looks to the corner of the table.

"Whackara is connected to me, if I'm in trouble her fur will bristle so just keep an eye on that." The carbuncle jumped down from N'yami's shoulder and went to sit on the arm of the chair where Evelyn was, a paw reached out to rest on the red heads shoulder as if to say 'Buddy'.

Evelyn grinned quietly to herself and chuckled. "The pact is complete, then. I shall guard this one with my life. You needn't worry, I will simply resurrect should anything happen to me. Your safety is all but assured, friend." She reaches a hand out to softly pet the carbuncle.

Rising Lotus "We have somethin' to catch it or keep it too right? Or should we jus' break it's legs an' bring it in?" she crossed her arms and leaned back into her chair. "Granted I don't know anythin' near enough 'bout them as Haila, but I do remember ya sayin' it can call other ones too right? Do we have some way to stop that?"

Haila turned over to Rising, "No ways to disrupt it yet I'm afraid, 'tis one strong signal, but the best would be to drag the straggler you mean to capture as far away as possible before it calls reinforcements."

N'yami hummed in thought for a moment. "Could use wires? A barrier would just be absorbed by the damn thing, but we would need a couple people who would want to volunteer to just jump the damn thing and tie it up."

Aislinn let her gaze drift over to Rising and Cravendy

Evelyn sighed and looked around. "Unfortunately, this vessel's arms are quite frail, otherwise I would love to volunteer... are any mortals willing to take the lead?"

“Seems easier to just break its legs. We won’t be needin’ those to do whatever we need the spider for, right?” Cravendy looks around, suddenly wary of another’s gaze on her. “Jump it. Beat it up. Been there, done that...”

Rising Lotus grimaces "Ugh, alright. I don't wanna see a wave of them things again if I can help it." she glanced at N'yami as she offered her suggestion. "..that sounds like it'd work, sure Cravs is a right fine knot tie-er too. " she looked toward Cravs.

Riylli raised her hand. "I could probably incapacitate it with my magic pretty easy, depending on how strong the thing is. Would give me something to do too..." She said with an overexaggerated sigh

Haila Wetyios: "As long as it gets the job done, I have no quarry with it. Breaking the legs should do the job, but if all else fails, I'll take a broken spider."

"Ah, are you not joining us, mortal? A shame, your apparent experience with these spiders would be quite the help." Evelyn said, turning her gaze to Haila.

Haila Wetyios shook her head. "As much as I wish I could, I have my reasons for not going... 'Tis been by mere coincidence that the spiders didn't pick up on me the other times. But I can't risk a third one. At least not if I want a few plans of my own to work."

N'yami Synch: "So who's ready to go catch us a spider!? That's a dumb question no one really is but hells we need the bloody thing so let's go punch it in the legs."

N'ana Firesong gave a small sigh. "Why spiders" she mumbled.

Cravendy glances back at Rising. “Can’t say I’ve ever kidnapped a spider, but there’s a first for everythin’. But the idea would be the same. Lure it away to some lonely corner, away from pryin’ eyes, and tie it up afore it knows what got ‘im. Or beat it till it’s broken.”

Riylli gave a concerned look to the pirate Roe, unsure if she was joking or not

Rising Lotus: "Well lets play it by ear then. If we have a chance to bind it lets do that, if not we'll smash it's legs off, and as a last case option we'll kill it all together."

Evelyn stands up and strikes a pose with her staff. "Let our operation commence. The Goddess of Victory is on our side, so long as we err on the side of caution. Now, let us show these spiders true despair..." She held her bandaged right arm up to her left eye again, folding her left one across her body. She let out an enthusiastic "Fwahahaha!" and shook her head afterward.

Aislinn nodded and rose to her feet. "Seems like we have a plan in place." Roughly, but it was still a plan. "I'll go grab my bloody coat." she shook her head and retreated briefly back to her quarters.

After the group made the walk through Coerthas back to the area where they knew the spiders would appear, with some grumbling cause of the cold of course, N'yami lead them through the snowy terrain. Stopping in her tracks the Seeker looked around with perked ears. "Where exactly were you all ambushed before? Perhaps that will be the best spot to look for one."

Riylli kicked at the ground below, trying to keep her shivering to a minimum. "...Hate this stupid place... Grounds all frozen... Terrible to work with..." She muttered to herself as the rest of the group did their thing

N'ana: "Aye hope we finish up quickly. As much as aye enjoy mountain trips in Othard this cold is a different story."

Aislinn looked to Rising and Cravendy to answer that question. She hadn't yet ventured out to meet these spiders head on. For obvious reasons. Heartwood still needed at least a semblance of a medical staff until they could get G'lewra and Vanriri back.

Rising Lotus huffed as they exited the cave, rubbing her hands together as she was a tad underdressed. "I think it was a bit more down there, near the bridge right?" she glanced at Cravs, keeping her body moving to build up some heat. It then dawned on her the Cravs was kind of not there at the time, but maybe she knew somehow?

Evelyn shivered quietly, holding Whackara in her arms. "F-Fufufu... this cold is n-nothing... you m-mortals always complain about the silliest things..." she posed again in her usual fashion.

Cravendy feels her gut sink as she remembers a time when...it was before she woke up, and yet. She groans, but answers to the best of her ability. “Yeah, I remember it was by that hill, and we crossed a bridge at some point. Over there?” Cravs points down south.

N'yami Synch: "Works for me." She offered a shrug and just started walking down the path, they'd eventually run into the blasted thing right? That's how it usually worked from what she heard. "Time to give this damsel-in-distress thing a try I suppose."

"I-If these things go after magic users, how 'bout we just start channelling and wait for it to show up?" Riylli offered, getting sick of standing in one place freezing her tail off

Cravendy lightly elbows Evelyn as she passes her. “Phoenix-lass, right? Ye think ye can ‘eat up the poor sods who’re freezin’ their arses off?”

Rising Lotus looks at the river over the hill. "This is lookin' familiar, bridge ain't too far from here." she pointed across it. "They all came from the other side of it, and we fell back to the bridge." she pointed to the left down the path.

Aislinn heard Cravendy and looked over her shoulder. "I'm good. No need to light me up or anything."

Evelyn Blazewing 's eyes open wide. "Sh-Share my warmth? With... e-everyone? F-Fwahaha, I certainly would if it were possible. Touching a mere mortal with my body temperature s-so high would incinerate them to mere ashes!" she quietly mumbled to herself. "B-Besides, I'm kinda using it right now..."

Cravendy nods to Rising’s statement. “Some of ‘em were underneath the snow too, so watch where ye step.”

Aislinn took a few steps back at that. "Great." she muttered as she peered down at the frozen ground around them.

N'ana Firesong: "Ye seem ye can mix a drink right now, Phoenix."

Evelyn: "I would be happy to mix you a drink were now a good time, mortal. Ask when we return home and I shall happily oblige."

N'yami looked around for a moment as they paused. "We'll stick around somewhere safe so the rest of ya have a place to hide while I drag the damn thing out." The Seeker pointed over at the boulder sticking out of the ground. "Go hide over there while I call it out. Rising, and Cravs, get ready to launch yerself at it once it comes out."

Rising Lotus: "Aye, pulled...uh.. someone off one before it got her, then it called it's friends." she tapped her boots on the ground to shake some snow out of her sandals.

Cravendy: “Aye. Come on Rising, we got a boulder to snoop behind.” She starts to walk over.

Heartwood runs into another RP FC also RPing (Riylli Aliapoh) (feels like two rival gangs are passing) (Aislinn North) ((Throwdown)) (Haila Wetyios) Oh snap)) (Rising Lotus) We have to intimidate them, everyone make yourselfs big)) (Cravendy Hound) OH?? )) (N'yami Synch) PUFF OUT)) (N'yami Synch) I think we win)) (Cravendy Hound) omg haha )) (Riylli Aliapoh) (as big as you can get) (N'yami Synch) Lol one of them is a friend of my so I whispered yelled at him to get out of my swamp xD))

Rising Lotus nodded, pumping herself up before tailing behind Cravs, drawing her spear on the way.

"I can help too y'know..." Riylli muttered as she stomped off to hide behind the boulder

Aislinn murmured to N'yami as she gestured to the device on the miqo'te's wrist. "If your plan is to take that off to lure a spider, I'd suggest snapping it right back on the moment you get one on your trail. As it is we're going to have a hell of a time shutting it up before it calls any others." she nodded. "Watch yourself, aye?"

Cravendy ducks behind the boulder and peeks out, as sneakily as she can manage. But she’s half-distracted by Rising, who to her...does not look dressed for success, in this weather. “Nophica’s teats, ye askin’ to catch a cold again?!” She harshly whispers.

N'yami Synch: "Cravs and Rising, pull Riylli with ya when the thing comes out, the faster we bring the thing down the better." The Seeker looked over to Aislinn and offered a short nod. "I can defend myself pretty well, if you know someone else needs it more I'll be fine without it."

Riylli's ears perked up, her pouting interrupted. "Wait, me? I mean, yeah! The grounds a bit frozen, but I'm sure it'll be fine" She finished with a confident nod, back to her usual self

Rising Lotus was peeking around the other side of the rock, spearing humming away as they waited. "I'll be fine, been through here lots of times dressed like this. Build's character." she shivered a bit as she said the last part. " 'sides fightin' will keep me plenty warm."

Aislinn shook her head and snorted. "I'm not playing the lottery like that. You're going after the spider, you take it. I'm just saying." she turned and went to stand with the others.

Riylli kicks a bit off snow onto Rising's exposed toes. "Builds hypothermia is what it does. How are you gonna fight when you're frozen to the ground?"

Cravendy: “Might be awhile ‘fore we’re fightin’.” Cravs looks back at N’yami and watches the miqo’te like a hawk. Her breath coming out in chilly plumes, she mumbles something under her breath. “Feh, character...Personally, I’m done buildin’ anymore of that.”

N'ana Firesong keeps a watchful eye over her surroundings.

N'yami unhooked the device from her arm for a moment, and that's when the rest of the group would feel a surge of aether crash over them. The group would feel a wide range of emotions hit them, the strongest one they felt would send a warmth through their cold bodies. Raising her hand in the air the Seeker summoned a ball of aether and shot it off in the air, one after the other like a show of fireworks and each one burst in the sky. Red aether mixed into the white winds that were carried off to call upon the creature they were looking for and with how much the Seeker was giving off did the group hear an echoing screech off in the distance. Those who had met the creatures would know the sound all too well, it was coming.

N'ana Firesong knelt over, feeling the warmth take over her body and shivered. "Thralls balls!"

Rising Lotus shot Riylli a glare, flinging the snow off her foot, about to retaliate before N'yami started and she focused up, tightening her grip on her spear. She grit her teeth as they had garnered hopefully only one's attention.

Evelyn recoils a bit, reeling from the emotional surge she just felt. She then turns her attention to the sky, and back to N'yami. "An excellent show, mortal, but will it do the tri-" She's cut off by the screeching, which causes her to smirk. "Fufufu... it seems your ploy worked. Everyone, ready yourselves. Our enemy will be upon us soon." She mumbled to herself again. "I-I think... that's our enemy..."

Aislinn stumbled back as the aetheric emotions hit her, the warmth flowing into her body triggering a sense of alarm. No. Not now. But it soon passes as she realized it was only N'yami and not herself. She breathed and tried to shake off the feeling. "That'll get them if nothing else." she said low, her voice wavering slightly.

Riylli glances over to Evelyn. "Hey, crazy lady, how hot can that fire of yours get? Y'think you can thaw the earth a bit for me when we jump out?"

Cravendy grunts as she weathers the wave of aether, sets her jaw as foreign emotions flow through. When it passes, she finally takes a gasp of air. Without knowing it, Cravs had been holding her breath. But she could not breathe easy, not yet. They were coming.

Evelyn glares at Riylli. "I am not crazy, mortal. My flames are the hottest in the realm. I would be more than happy to assist you, however." She sighed. "So, my talents shall simply be used to thaw the earth? Fine, fine... I came here to offer my assistance, after all."

The sound of heavy footsteps could be heard as the beast came crashing through the snowy plains, this one was the perfect size to carry someone off and with how much aether it detected it seemed determined to catch whatever was creating it. At the last possible second N'yami slapped the device onto her wrist again to dampen her aether, and that's when the Crawler stopped in front of her. The familiar whirring noise was heard as it scanned the Seeker for the aether source.

Aislinn North From her hiding place behind the boulder, Aislinn tensely watched, her breath trapped in her lungs. She sincerely hoped her device wouldn't fail now, of all times.

Cravendy‘s eyes widen at the sight of the machine, but any hesitation is quickly pushed down. Cravs shuffles over the boulder and charges at her target, hoping to knock it off balance with a low blow to one of its many legs.

Rising Lotus "Great, a big one..." she hopped out from her hiding place and charged forward, taking a great big swipe at it's front left leg as she got in range.

Riylli Aliapoh hopped up onto the rock, shouting out to Evelyn. "Time to shine, crazy phoenix lady! Help me get the earth under it's legs!" She commanded, and began to swirl aether around her as she commanded the earth to reach out and swallow up the spiders legs, though as she suspected the ice made it difficult to manage. However, with Evelyn's help…

N'ana Firesong: "Take out it's eye!"

Evelyn sighs and smiles, bringing her rod close to her. "Fufufu... behold mortals, the purest of flames, the hottest of cinders! This is a gift from Lord Blazewing himself! To ash do we fall, and from ash do we rise... now!" *she launches a small fireball, which then explodes into a larger flame that consumes the ground around the spider. "Hell's Maw!"

Aislinn reached into her coat, white-knuckles wrapping around the grip of her pistol as the others charged. She wouldn't use her aether but she would shoot if things began to take a dire turn. For now, she watched and waited, fighting the frustration that rose in her.

Despite the several attacks aimed at the spider, it seemed as only a selected few even had an effect on it. Riylli's rocks for once, managed to at least ground it on the spot. It's metal legs though, were stronger than the ones that they'd faced before, that much was clear from the fact that it's hindleg barely took any damage from Rising's attack. The edges of it's fleshy limbs suffering very slight charring as it detected the aether sources around it. The fire spell becoming it's first target as it had been the biggest display of aether out of all of them, with the earth rocks being a close second.

Aislinn North can see where this is going and cursed harshly under her breath. The weapon was already assessing and zeroing in on those who had created a display of aether. "Get ready to scatter." she warned.

Finishing it's scans of it's primary targets as well as potential threats, the mechanical spider made several whirring sounds, had it been a smaller one, it would have surely attempted to call for backups already. This one though, was big enough to attempt it's own attacks. Lifting the few legs that weren't trapped in stone, it attempted to free it's other legs as it hurled rocks around at the closest people within it's range whilst smaller spiders dropped off the big one, rushing at the people in the back.

N'yami watched as the crowd charged at the Crawler and watched the chaos start to form, the Seeker waited for the right time to interfere and if needed she would join the battle. Her ruby gaze kept flicking down to the device on her wrist, debating to take it off to act as bait again, that's why she was here right?

Riylli pumped more aether into her spell, refusing to allow the spider freedom so long as she could help it. "Gonna need you guys to keep those things off me! Can't exactly multitask right now!" She called to whoever might be able to help

Ready for it, Aislinn dashed out from behind the boulder as the smaller spiders charged toward them. She fired off a few shots as she went, hoping to pick a couple off before they swarmed the others.

Rising Lotus managed to dodge the stones that were throw at her, grunting and gripping her spear tightly. With a mighty shout she jabbed the tip of her spear right between where the leg meets the body, twisting and pushing open a gap towars the now exposed and vulnerable shoulder mechanics! If someone could aim several shots in there it would sure do a lot of damage!

Cravendy Hound: “Umf! Shit, thing’s built like a brick ‘ouse!” Why did she think that tackling a thing made of solid metal was a good idea to begin with? Now her shoulder felt all kinds of wrong. She rolls to dodge the flurry of rocks and, out of the corner of her eye, she sees the smaller spiders rush at the party’s backline. A bitter cocktail of anger and anxiety sets her heart alight. Not on her watch!

Cravendy grins when Rising serves her an opening on a silver platter. “Thank ye, flower. Now!” She whips her gun out and sends a flurry of shots aimed directly at the exposed circuitry.

N'ana stabbed at the smaller spiders around her. slashing and kicking the ones too close to her.

Evelyn targets the small spiders approaching her, readying another area fire spell. Without giving a small speech this time, she simply readies and casts another area fire spell, hoping to get rid of the smaller spiders coming after her. After launching her attack, she mutters "Calamity Blaze." and strikes a pose.

Relatively assured that she hadn't made herself a target for the smaller spiders, Aislinn continued to fire off shots to drop the bastards before they could reach the ones casting aether about with abandon, pausing only for the scant seconds it took her to reload. Her precision as a sharpshooter on display, she rarely seemed to miss her marks.

Riylli grit her teeth, trying to hold on as the spider did everything it could to free itself from it's bindings. "I ain't gonna be able to hold much longer! Do whatever it is you gotta do, and do it fast!" She called out to the front lines, swearing under her breath. "'Take it alive' huh? Easy to say when you aren't the one holding the damned thing..." She mutters angrily, before pumping another dose of aether into the earthen shackles

Rising Lotus grinned as Cravs fired several shots into the hole she made, twisting her body around to try and spear the other front leg, aiming for the first joint from it's body and thrusting hard, hopefully she'd continued to have good results aiming for those points compared to hacking and slashing

Cravendy feels that telltale burn of combat. Of blood boiling, of time slowing. Given her proximity to the large machine, Cravs decides to try to grab hold of another leg and directly press the end of her gun at its joint. Squeeze, and fire.

The onslaught of attacks took it's toll, for a moment it seemed that the large spider had underestimated it's targets. Such was the issue of programming it's priorities. The leg that Rising and Cravs had worked together to damage caused several circuits to go haywire. The spider had to pause for a moment as the rest of it's legs too, started taking damage from the shots, the spears and the rocks keeping it grounded all causing damage beyond acceptable parameters, the creature attempted to step back to no avail, it's smaller spiders being taken one after the other with the group work from everyone attacking it. Upon finishing it's damage calculations, it buckled down, almost compacting part of it's body for a moment as it emitted a deafening sound alongside static that was nearly palpable in the air. It wouldn't damage it's opponents as much as it would deafen them briefly, but it was for sure calling for nearby backups.

Riylli just kept channeling really. Nothing to see here. She wasn't getting tired or anything. It's fine. All fine.

Cravendy recoils at the explosive sound blaring right next to her ears. She searches for the source of the sound but can’t quite focus with this ringing in her head, so instead she opts to continue her assault. Cravs aims her gun at the spider’s chassis and fires several times. If it’s broken, the racket’ll stop, right?

N'ana shook her head feeling a bit dizzy and off balance from the noise. She put the sword inside its holdster and then drew it with a blinding light of power on one of the spiders back legs.

Aislinn staggered to the side and clapped a free hand over one ear as the blaring beacon went off. Damn it all. That thing simply needed to -die-. Gritting her teeth against the painful noise, she did her best to keep watch on the casters, and pick off any of the smaller spiders that still remained. "Someone shut it up, fast!" her words barely heard over the blaring siren.

Rising Lotus braced herself as the screech blared, bracing herself while she gazed over the ugly thing. Things usually make sound from their mouths, so she thrusted right under it's glowing eye, hoping that was where it would be? If it had one?

N'yami Synch placed her hands over her ears as the creature called out for help. Why did it need to be so loud? "Take it down now! We need to get out of here fast before the backup arrives!"

Riylli Aliapoh huffed, feeling neglected out there in the backlines, watching everyone else do cool stuff. She was not one to enjoy taking the support role, and suddenly a very stupid idea dawned on her. She grinned, "Alright, time to end this!" She called out, suddenly thrusting her arms out to the sides and pumping in every last bit of her aether, the earthen shackles that had been binding the creatures legs suddenly flying out in opposite directions, ripping the spiders legs out with them

Evelyn Blazewing covered her ears and crouched down in recoil from the harsh noise the spider emitted. "I-It's worse than the wails of the damned... shut up!" She stood up, braced herself, and fired a ball of flame at the mechanical arachnid, yelling out "Flames of Ifrit!" as she did.

Cravendy Hound brings her arms up in time to guard herself against a shower of earth and ice. “By the godsdamned Navigator! Warn me next time ye use yer magic!” But, seeing as the spider was now rendered legless by Riylli’s efforts, it seemed a good opportunity to grab and go. Cravs stumbles to the other end of the machine and tries to lift it. They had to get this thing, and themselves, out of here fast.

While incredibly risky and stupid, Riylli's idea worked, the sudden pull from the rocks alongside it's already damaged legs nearly ripped all of them off on the spot. Only one leg remaining, which was the one N'ana kept attacking as the blasted thing started to squirm as much as it could. Several smaller spiders dropped off it's insides, clearly confused as the signal it was sending out to them was not going off well thanks to the damage caused by Rising and Crav's shots.

N'yami bolted towards the giant spider and went to lift it with Cravs. "Let's go go go." The carbuncle grew in size to be big enough to ride and trotted up to Riylli incase she needed to be carried home. "Those who can lift get over here."

The large spider was rendered defenseless, and most of all, it was half intact.

Riylli fell to her knees, aether spent and body exhausted. She grit her teeth and picked herself back up, using her staff to keep her balance as she didn't want people seeing how wiped out she was. "What else could 'time to end this' mean!?" Riylli shot back to Cravs, before carefully trying to crawl her way off the boulder she was dramatically perched on. Maybe exhausting herself right before it was time to run... was not the best plan

Rising pulled her spear back just in time to watch Riylli pull it's legs off like a child would do to a bug, and probably Riylli to a bug too honestly. Quickly returning her spear to her back, she made her way to the front, squatting down and preparing to lift it with the others.

As the limbs come off the spider in a mighty pull of earth, Aislinn wasted no time rushing towards the downed bioweapon, taking out the small spiders that wandered around in confusion. "Alright. N'yami's right. Let's take it and run." she holstered her weapon and made ready to lift along with the others.

Evelyn applauded Riylli's display, a proud smile on her face. "Excellent, truly excellent work, mortal. Your prowess with the earth is quite remarkable..."

Cravendy grumbles something under her breath about being more specific, that “time to end this” should clearly state -how- as well. But it was all bullshit and Cravs knew it - couldn’t expect people to say all that in the heat of the battle. Didn’t stop her from complaining the whole way back though.

Riylli gave a tired grin, always ready to accept some praise. "Best geomancer in eorzea, you can bet on it! You were a big help with that fire though. Couldn't have done it without ya." She said with a nod, before noticing the large carbuncle seemingly waiting for her to pass out. "Oh, hey... you. You offering a ride?" She asked, giving a shrug as she hopped on and did her best not to look so relieved.

As Heartwood managed to take the giant Crawler back, hopefully Haila was fine with the size of it, the group successfully completed their mission and even managed to escape the backup before they showed up but now the real question. How are they going to get it through the door?

#ffxiv rp #balmung rp #ffxiv crystal rp #Heartwood Ventures #Heartwood plots #Primary Access Required #Cravendy Hound #n'yami synch #N'ana Firesong #riylli aliapoh #rising lotus #aislinn north #haila wetyios #Evelyn Blazewing

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