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kaisers-house-of-desires · 1 day

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Can I request a Gojo x male reader that owns a cafe. Reader is having an event for his cafe where if someone gets a special item in their dessert (like idk a cherry or something) he would make them a custom dessert. Gojo, who had won the competition, requested to have Olive as his dessert. (Olive and Gojo do know each other, so it's nit like Gojo is a stranger requesting this lol. If you choose this request then thank you <3

Consider it done~ And for the sake of not naming the reader, I won't be using the name Olive but the relationship can remain.

Title: Sweet Tooth

Characters: Gojo x m!reader

Contains: heated/sensual make out

Fandom: Jujutsu Kaisen

Full request below the cut

All characters are 18+

MINORS, FEM ALIGNED, AGELESS/BLANK BLOGS DNI

Reblogs > likes

"Congratulations! You won a custom dessert!"

Behind shaded lenses, Gojo blinked in reaction to the announcement. "Hah?"

You handed him a specialized card in both hands, a small one made of easy to punch paper. "A custom dessert! It's an event I'm holding. People who order a specific item from the menu get a special dessert made just for them, free of charge! With limitations of course."

As a café owner, you liked to hold these little events on occasion, especially if you ended up with more ingredients than you sold. It was a convenient way to get rid of them without having to throw them away and wasting them. For Gojo to win one felt like a thrill, as he didn't often stop by as of late thanks to his teaching position. He luckily had some time during the day to come by for a sweet treat, especially since he promised he would at some point.

Taking the card, Gojo scanned the text.

You've won one (1) free custom dessert*! Present this card at purchase to redeem. *Limitations apply. Good for one item up to ¥800

His drink and to-go box were already on the counter as he gazed back at you. With not a lot of time left in his break, he gave you a charming smile, picking up his items after sliding the card in his pocket. "I'll definitely stop by before you close to redeem this, maybe get some extra things while I'm here."

You two gave each other a wave before Gojo stepped out.

---

As closing time approached, you tried keeping the oven on as long as you could, keeping all the necessary ingredients nearby for whenever Gojo entered the shop, but despite your efforts and hopeful waiting, closing hour came, and you begrudgingly turned the heat off while putting the ingredients into storage.

You were upset, yeah, but not exactly at Gojo. It wasn't the first time his job made him stay out, and it wasn't the first time he didn't show up when he said he would. You didn't want to think about all the plans that fell through on top of this, so after locking the front doors, you set yourself to nearly deep clean the café to distract yourself.

You were going to start with the back. Since that area was out of customer sight, you never really cleaned it as well as you should, but at least it was always within code. You had put your apron up on the rack when a knock rattled the backdoor in the room, nearly causing you to jump out of your skin.

You don't recall ordering any new items, as this is where deliveries would be handled commonly, but you could have simply forgotten. That being said, you opened the door, revealing a towering male with familiar white hair and cloth-shielded eyes.

"Yo, am I too late?" His voice was all too casual for his delay in presence.

Disappointment had gave way to anger, and you turned around, allowing Gojo to enter the shop, gazing around the new environment for a customer.

"You have some nerve..."

"What? I came by! I said I would!"

"You said you'd come by before closing!" Built up frustration bubbled to the surface as you started gathering your cleaning items, haphazardly pacing back and forth to grab the items that were strewn about. "Like how you said you'd come over for drinks last week, or how you wanted to catch a movie the time before that."

Gojo let out a sigh, rubbing the back of his neck. "Look, I know I messed up. Things have been...crazy with the school for awhile."

"Then you should just focus on that instead of giving me hope." Water splashed from the soap filled bucket you made while talking, having slammed a rag in it after. There was an unsettling silence before Gojo spoke.

"But I'm here, right? After closing, sure. But I'm not bailing completely." He revealed the card from his pocket, still in decent condition despite the activity he typically does. "I still wanna cash in, if that's okay."

You stalled your movements, glancing at him with the revealed card before your gaze went back to the bucket, letting out a sigh.

"I...Yeah." There wasn't any point in being angry right now. You had to admit it was nice of him to come back when he said he would despite being late. He could have bailed out or gotten caught up with work like he usually did but he actually came back this time. "I'm sorry. I'm...really sorry." You straightened up, taking a nice deep breath to ground yourself for the moment. "I haven't started cleaning yet, so what would you like? I can get the stuff back out, but remember it's a ¥800 limit."

"If it's custom, what determines the price?" As Gojo spoke, he stepped over to you, rereading the text to make sure he read it all correctly.

You replied while tying your apron back on. "Size, mainly. You can take a menu item and change it how you want, and I can let you know if that will be within your range."

"Can I go off menu?"

"Well...I don't see why not, but you'd really have to know what you'd--" Your words cut off once you turned back around to face Gojo after your apron was on. He was so close to you, you could almost feel the heat radiating off of him, which contradicted the chilling feeling from the icy blue stare that now graced you. "--w-want."

"So as long as I really know what I want, I can have it, yeah?" His voice dropped to a husky tone as he leaned close, your back starting to press into the wall.

"S-Satoru--"

"Well, can I redeem the cute shop owner~?"

When his cold hand touched your heated cheek, your heart picked up in pace. It pounded in your ears, nearly drowning out all sound. You had no idea Gojo felt this way, but maybe you were just oblivious to past actions.

"I-I...um...I-I'm not exactly a dessert..."

"Are you sure? Because my sweet tooth kicks in whenever I see you~ Maybe I could have a sample first?"

Before you could respond, Gojo's lips found yours, and he was quick to help himself past them, humming from the sweet taste that coated your mouth from sampling your creations throughout the day. Soft groans left the two of you, and you found yourself gripping at Gojo's uniform sleeves, not in protest, but to keep your mind steady. Luckily for your sake, he didn't keep the kiss long, pulling away once notice you were shaking to get air. As you panted lightly, he gave you a playful smirk, licking his lips with a satisfied hum.

"Well after a sample like that, how could I not have more~?"

You didn't need to wait for him to make a move. This time, you urged in, connecting your lips once more with his. His body pressed flush against you, the silence in the air replaced with sensually charged sounds. You gripped at his clothes as his hands raked through your hair, tongues dancing with one another as you held each other close. You were emotionally charged; anger, desire, and excitement all mixing within yourself like a lumpy batter. You didn't exactly know what to feel with him, but desire seemed to be the strongest ingredient.

This sudden makeout seemed to last awhile to you, feeling like tens of minutes went by before you two finally disconnected, gazing into each other's glazed eyes while your chests heaved for air.

"M-My house later," you breathed. "Y-You better not be late this time."

"Trust me," Gojo exhaled in response. "I wouldn't miss that for anything...~"

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lordelmelloi2 · 15 hours

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we need help again...

I hate hate hate hate to make this post but we could really use some help. Mostly because I am uninsured until my job opens enrollment for its health insurance in June and on the eve of us signing the apartment lease tomorrow, I have contracted strep throat from my coworkers. Hooray!

I'm gonna try and get an appointment at the community health center doctor's tomorrow because I straight up don't have the money or time to go to the CVS minuteclinic across the street. They said it was $139 for a strep appointment without insurance, I said hell no... If I wait another day I can try and get a sliding scale $40 appt at the doctors. Right now is just stressful because we need money and because they didn't give us our security deposit back I'm not going to have enough money for my bills the beginning of the month. Plus there are literally THREE prescriptions I have asides from however much a Z pack will likely cost and one of them is an ointment from a compound pharmacy that I don't have money to pay for~!!!! 😭😭😭

Asides from that I am afraid that we miscalculated how much we have for rent for May so I'm trying to see about covering those costs so we aren't paying 3 days late into the month of May for our May rent first month. I really don't want to have a bad first impression with these people. They've been very kind to us so far with renting this new place but I don't want to push the limits.

I've already asked my dad for help but he wasn't able to spare enough for us to be totally covered + he needs me to pay him back by August. During the month of April I also applied to multiple credit unions for personal loans and got rejected...

So my total expenses are:

- Medication/Doctor's visit (including pre-existing prescriptions that I haven't had the money to pick up) ($160)

- Phone bill ($75 for this first month, should be going down next month as verizon charges my account with different coding)

- costs for rent/move (like hopefully $200 idk. I think we can swing the last hundred)

In addition: Because of my history of struggling with commissions due to my psychiatric disability, I don't really want to do this but if you donate a sum above $100 you can ask me to digitally paint something for you. Please no complicated requests or anything since I've been struggling with art for years now from depression/anxiety etc. but I would feel indebted to you if I didn't do anything. If this is something you'd like please DM me/send me an ask off anon.

* As for why we have been so financially fucked this month. Our current apartment complex (yes the one with the leaks, roaches, harmful construction noises etc.) has kept our security deposit which has us out $300 that we could've used towards the new place. They have fucked us over one last time.

My paypal as always is at: paypal.me/roseod

And please share if you can. Every reblog/donation of even a small amount is appreciated. Thank you all so much for supporting me.

#mutual aid

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fairyhaos · 22 hours

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seventeen as their songs' choreographies

pls i binged their dance practices and then suddenly i was like "hey this wld make a good hc!!!!" so here we are. here's which svt song choreo (specifically just the dance movements) i think each member would be

masterlist

seungcheol

super. no, it's not just bc of the fits and stylings that he had during the comeback stages that he absolutely slayed, but the choreography itself feels weirdly like scoups: the power, the confidence and the martial arts-esque moves feel like him

jeonghan

fear. maybe a bit unexpected, but the choreo is almost dangerously beautiful and very jeonghan. it's the kind of beauty that's like watching someone's destructive downfall and being unable to look away

joshua

dream. he's just having so!!!! much!!!! fun!!!! during the choreography video but also. it's so fucking CUTE and makes me think of him like?? the swaying arms and the little bobbing up and down is adorable and He's adorable and oh lord i need to have a lie down bc it's just too cute

junhui

aju nice. the chaoticism of the choreo which looks all whirlwind-crazy before you realise that their cohesiveness is actually incredible is such a junhui thing actually. it's such a bright and messy and energetic choreo in the most polished way

hoshi

crush. the choreo has kinda gay, kinda sexy vibes and they make use of really clever positioning in triangles/ parallel lines to give it a really sleek, powerful feel. honestly it just feels like it has hoshi written all over it

wonwoo

thanks. so much of the choreo makes me think of waves crashing and falling—the canon movements, the arms, the rising and falling actions—and there's something so heart-wrenching and powerful about it.

woozi

hitorijanai. the slow gentleness, the delicacy, the arm movements that seem to connote something gentle and opening up to the world all make me think of him. woozi has always been like a fairy in my eyes, and this choreo embodies exactly that

minghao

don't wanna cry. the synchronisation and canon moves are off-the-charts levels of gorgeous. also the way they tell the story with mostly only their arm movements is mesmerising and beautiful and so elegant and yearning that it reminds me of minghao

mingyu

left & right. the choreography is just so fun to look at. like, you watch them dancing and you genuinely get an exhilarated feeling of utter joy bc the choreo is so fresh and fun and idk it just feels like a mingyu-esque dance to me

dokyeom

anyone. genuinely could Not take my eyes off this guy in particular whilst watching the choreo vid n it's bc he makes the moves look so clean, esp that part where they move the movement from the arms into the legs??? literally gorgeous.

seungkwan

mansae. the choreography is sharp and fresh and clean and sooo bright. you can positively feel the groove in the movements alone, and the way they change formation so seamlessly with such sharpness is such seungkwan vibes

vernon

clap. iconic dance practice moment aside, this rlly is unironically vernon cuz it's just such a funny and fun choreo. that part where they almost crawl across the floor has me giggling every time and the amount of body shaking is so funny to me

chan

_world. it's just- it's just a cute song with the cutest choreo ever. i don't know why it makes me think of chan oh lord but the little skippy steps that they do and the adorable hip popping is just soooo so dino coded to me

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reactions tags: @weird-bookworm @minhui896 @bunnyiix @slytherinshua @haowrld @belladaises @newgirlygirl @moonlitskiiies @mirxzii @wonranghaeee @yonabutnotyuna @crackedpumpkin @wqnwoos @kthstrawberryshortcake-main @kawennote09 @a-wandering-stay @icyminghao @valenhui @sweet-like-caramel @odxrilove @kyeomyun @chansburgah @pepperonijem @jeonride @kellesvt @astrozuya @eightlightstar @onlyyjeonghan @aaniag @amxlia-stars @all-american-fangirl @f1uffyjun @sea-moon-star @nonononranghaee @isabellah29 @mcu-incorrect @hrts4hanniehae @kikohao

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gideonisms · 11 months

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See I think if I'd been born a guy I wouldn't be this pathologically avoidant trying to plan my career because there are plenty of situations you can find as a cis man where you just Do Tasks in awkward silence and you can get to those as a woman but you have to go through the rings of hell socializing first and then besides, a lot of those jobs already have so many men that you stand out when the whole point was you Don't want to do that

#you gotta be god's strongest soldier to survive this shit and i am not! i am god's weakest most pathetic soldier!#i survived five years of customer service crying weekly and getting harassed and being a baby about it #when i got promoted no one would listen to me and it made me constantly anxious and then so tired it took me a year to be able to #think about having a job as something remotely positive and stop crying about it #idk how other women are doing this shit a guy treats me like his sexy servant and i feel BAD and upset for years #and think of what he said 7 years later and they only touched me on the shoulder and made comments other people go through worse!#but i am not strong or determined i just want to go through my life in peace and stop talking to people altogether #it wasn't just guys who treated me badly older women made fun of me and called me lazy and stupid #tutoring was fine but i felt like i was putting on that same performance and at that point it all felt so awful i just. didn't want to #i can see no way out of talking to people for the rest of my life and it gets me down sometimes #i know i get to come home but even then i will probably need people to live with #i basically only like my family and close friends talking to me sometimes even that is hard #sometimes it's way easier to type and feels less awful #i think i have to just keep on keeping on until i can finally get good enough to freelance edit and code that's the only thing i can think #of doing that doesn't make me cry #emails are fine they suck but i don't have to control my face and tone so.

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bmcblr-remake · 1 year

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bmcblr sings: (apparently both versions of) more that survive

#y’all want crusty you GET crusty #WHO decided it was a good idea for me to try this i spent so long on it and it’s still shit quality #there’s nothing i can do about that but i spent 7 HOURS ON THIS #THIS IS NOT WORTH 7 HOURS #IM NOT EXPERIENCED ENOUGH FOR THINGS LIKE THESE #tbf most of that time i was just nitpicking #it looks a little better than the one before at least #and i’m lowkey pirating the editing software i’m using #idk if that’s the right word but #it’s supposed to cost money but i got a code like 2 years ago and i’ve been using it ever since #it’s so busted it doesn’t even let me export as mp4 #i have to export as something else and convert it #bmcblr sings #i know for a FACT there’s gonna be more so i’m just gonna make the tag now #bmcblr remake #i GUESS

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quietwingsinthesky · 14 days

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so funny to me that jenny doesn’t regenerate or anything, she just comes right back to life as the same person. girl how’d you do that.

#no but how’d she do that. why doesn’t jenny have to follow time lord rules.#why’s she function on jack harkness logic. how does she work. fascinated by her.#does this imply that the regeneration ability as we see it isn’t actually like. inherent to the doctor. at least not the way they regenerate #now. because jenny is specifically cloned from the doctor. not another time lord. them specifically.#which. so why doesn’t she get regeneration with that. why does she just get to come back to life.#idk where im going with this. something about this implies to me that regenerstion as it is. is not. how it naturally would be?#that the changing of faces is something that came later. that was added. to a more simple process of dead -> alive again.#possibly as a protective measure? because there’s only so much life one body. one mind. can take before it begins to break under the strain #of it all. in a way regenerations function as compartmentalization of all that time and trauma. but if you didn’t have that you’d have to #hold it all in you at once forever. so it would make sense for regenerations to be engineered specifically in response to that problem.#and so the doctor regenerates. but jenny. cloned. got the original code for regeneration somehow. the one that doesn’t involve a change of #face. so she just comes back to life. idk. just tossing ideas out there i guess. i like jenny :)

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cakemoney · 17 days

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finding out that kaito and shinichi have been revealed to be cousins is like finding out there was a huge earthquake in the country you used to live in

#which also just happened. these experiences are roughly equivalent. snmcmdmcmdllc #detective conan #laughs awkwardly #LIKE. idk how to put into words. detective conan's fandom is.... something #these are people who have been invested in the (often romantic) trials and tribulations of a 17 year old who looks 7 years old #for upwards of 20 or 30 years. this is not a casual reveal #detective conan is not some labor of love and artistry that the author has a specific vision for. it's the longest cash grab that never end #it has had movies during golden week every year for longer than i have been alive and distributes it in several countries #and kaito/shinichi is very popular. i think if you know anything about manga/anime fandoms i don't even need to explain why #for the author to publicly canonically rip up one of the most popular ships of the series... it's hard to imagine that it wasn't deliberate #it's not just a matter of 'omg just ship what you like ignore canon'. they HAVE been doing that (conan has a canon female love interest)#this is very destiel-coded in the sense that it feels simultaneously like the author acknowledging that section of the fandom #while doing the worst possible thing about it. like NO ONE wanted that dnvkdmlvmdk #except for me. this is so funny. I've ALWAYS HAD SUSPICIONS OKAY #kaito and shinichi's canonized same-face syndrome might have started as a meta joke. but remember. this is one of those series #where people are frequently revealed to be a.) not dead all along and b.) secretly someone else all along and #c.) secretly related to someone plot-important all along. all these have happened MANY times #when you have a franchise that has run for this long you kind of have no choice but to up the stakes to the point of absurdity #so basically. it feels like walking in with pizza to the burning room meme except the author was the one to set the fire

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mikesbasementbeets · 9 months

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hi :D i found ur bi max masterpost a while ago (this one: https://www.tumblr.com/mikesbasementbeets/696412509960323072/ive-been-thinking-a-lot-about-elmax-recently-and)

and in the beginning u said that there u were focusing on max, but el has a lot of queer coding too (which i fully agree on btw). i wanted to know if u have made a post about her queer coding or if u are working on one? bc i really enjoy ur posts in general :]

hi! that's very sweet, thank you. no, unfortunately i've not done any analysis on el's queer coding (but i saw that you found someone else's post about it which i think is a good read). i think i wrote that bi max analysis in like september? (yes) so it's been a while since i've revisited those thoughts, but eImax is still so dear to me and i would love to have the brain space i had back then to analyze both of them again... but maybe i will think some more on it actually if there's interest....

#el's difficult in particular because her own gender and personhood and like discovery of the world and friendship and family #are core to her character and coding so it's hard to know if what might be interpreted as queer coding might not be something else...#does that make sense? like a lot of el's arc is rejecting the male figures in her life but it's not the same as like mike's anti-girl codin #they're two different beasts. and while i think mike's queerness is integral to his arc i don't think it's quite the same for el. even if #she is queer it's more incidental to her larger character arc. so it's harder to analyze in the same way #we're talking about my max analysis though which to be fair i didn't talk a lot about her individual queer coding it was more about eImax #and i think some of my thoughts have shifted a little... i've been trying to analyze eIumax more since september but. idk i just don't know #they're an enigma to me and unfortunately i think some of my main issues stem from questionable writing choices #but then there are some things that Feel Intentional that don't make sense to me if romantic elmax doesn't exist in the show's canon #like if the duffers don't Know what they're doing. then what are they doing. yk?#thanks for the ask you did not ask any of this but you've got me thinking about them again.....#mikesbasementasks

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davidtennantpussytulpa · 2 months

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anybody wanna nominate themselves to kill me with hammers?

#somehow the week of spring break is my most incredibly busy week with work. KRILLS MYSELF!!#im on our colony care rotation. im doing my grant experiment that takes 3hrs a day. my TA prof wants me to grade a shitton of stuff. my PI #was like can you get an updated draft to me by wednesday? ^_^ gonna have to tell him no fucking way tomorrow #bc we are also having a fucking forensics meeting#i wanted to go on another bug catching trip with a friend on wednesday but idk if ill be able to now :(#and i wanted to have a wine and cheese night. no fucking way im gonna feel up to hosting that this week #i was supposed to have an appointment this last wednesday. lady cancelled last minute and said how about monday (tomorrow)? and i thought #that would be fine. but i just had to text and be like hey sorry dont think i can #im probably forgetting something too. who fucking knows.#i wanted to clean my room bc its looking like the fucking labyrinth trash lady zone in there but fuck me i dont have the energy to #oh edit from one minute later. just got an email from my prof abt an assignment he wants us to do over spring break in my horrid fucking R #coding class. yeah im killing myself 😁👍🏻

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avatardoggo · 2 months

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THIS MAN MADE ME A WEBSITE FOR MY BIRTHDAY 🥹😫😣😳😭🥰

#sooo it’s past my birthday now and FG didn’t get me anything besides a real alt sweet card and a heart shaped box of chocolates which was #nice but he kept insisting that he wasn’t finished making my present just yet so i was like ok cool whatever and i would ask him every once #and a while bc i really thought he was making me like lego flowers bc he likes that type of thing (which is so cute omgoodness idky i love #that sm about him like he likes to build legos 😆😆 so cute!!!) aannnywayyssss he came over the other day to drop off my present so expecting #some box or whatever and he just pulls up with his backpacks but i’m like ok that’s fine it has to be Somewhere right??? and then he pulls #out is laptop and i’m like ookkkaaayy idk where this is going and the. he pulls up the page aND ITS A WEBSITE FOR MY CROCHET BUSINESS AND 🥹🥹#HE MADE IT FROM SCRATCH WITH CODING AND EVERYTHING BC DUH HES A COMP SCIENTIST AND!!!!!!!#he was like i wanted to make you something that’ll you’ll need and would want as well and i was so shOOketh i was using my soft girl voice #and i was looking at him like 🥺🥺🥺 the whole evening bECAUSE!!!! SIR 😭 YOU HAVE SET THE BAR SKY HIGH and he was all shy (so friggin cute)#“do you like it 👉🏾👈🏾🥺 and i was just looking at him like ☹️😣🥺😧 I LOVE IT!!!#he hasn’t finished it bc he needs my input on some stuff before he continues but it should be done by the summer and he’s like maybe we can #work on it together LIKE BABE SWEETHEART DARLING OFC WE CAN DUUUHHHH #i’m honestly so in awe of this man i can’t even #Friendly Giant ™️#FG #mutuals my beloved <3 #vk overshares in the tags

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pinkhysteria · 2 years

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‘damon is a vampire, this is a vampire show, how can you criticize him for anything!? 🙄’ and it’s about people uncomfortable with him having multiple instances of going out of his way to excessively punish women for not returning his feelings like a lame regular human 4chanreddit incel 💀

#anti damon salvatore #what does vampirism have to do with one woman not loving damon so he gets drunk and tries to force himself on her look alike 5 minutes later #LMFAOOOO #i just can’t stand the disingenuousness of it all.#like. i actually DO find it annoying when people include killer in with damon’s list of crimes because... hello.#especially since i don’t find the things that supposedly make his murdering ‘worse’ to be... valid whatsoever.#(because after a certain kill count and level of violence 'feeling bad' is meaningless i'm sorry lmfao.)#but y’all want to defend EVERYTHING under ‘vampire!!’ and it’s nuts.#he could eat literal shit and y’all would say ‘stop calling it gross he’s a VAMPIRE!!’#idk how to tell you u can like/love a chr and still not justify/support every little thing they do.#or at least mind ur business when other ppl just don’t like something they have every right not to.#i love him but i don’t think klaus was ‘right’ to choke out hayley for considering an abortion #(especially not when an episode prior he was yapping about ‘kill the baby’ anyway)#‘vampirism’ is not code for #‘my white male fave has a pass to be violently misogynistic in a way that mirrors real life and if anyone feels a way about it ur a PUSSY!!’#and this isn’t even touching on the ridiculousness of constantly ‘VAMPIRE GENRE’ing a show that very much *is* a teen drama #and regularly hails the chrs as ‘heroes’ and good ppl -#so pretending it exists in the same way as something like dracula or carmilla / other adult gothic tales #and people have to engage with it the same way is fucking ridiculous 😭#tvdu text

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muninnhuginn · 4 months

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Looking at personal posts like "how far can I abstract this before it becomes safe to share"

#skimmed through my drafts again today. had a bad time of it because this stuff is only standard censored not properly censored #like the level of sharing where it's obvious it's about something personal but not quite clear what? unless you know context.#+ it needs to have about two more levels of abstraction. maybe link it into some media I'm into. b4 it's something I'm comfortable sharing.#very much 'do not wish to be seen but staying silent just breeds resentment so how can I make this some tangled code #only decipherable by myself'. idk. I know what I say won't reach but is it wrong to not let go of that hope.

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frecklystars · 11 months

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Hey keri!! I don't want you to worry about people thinking you're faking anything and stuff like that - what you're doing and how you're approaching it is completely normal and healthy, everything you've said about the shades of pink in that post makes a lot of sense! people know that recovery isn't a straight line, but more wiggly with ups and downs, and you're such a sincere and nice person that I really don't think anyone is going to be whisper whisper about you making it up for attention or stuff like that - especially when the way you present and talk and vent about it is so different to how someone "doing it for views/attention" would be - but honestly I think a lot of people and I really understand the fear of this and the worry, but I think you should feel reassured that nohody is going to be thinking that. Recovery is complex and multifaceted and we understand, and we're all so proud of how well you're doing!! Sorry if this is a bit rambly or doesn't make sense, I find it hard to get thoughts into words sometimes. We're all rooting for you ✨💕🌻

HI YELLOW THANK YOU!!!! 💛💛💛💛💛💛💛

I appreciate you writing this all out for me! And dw it all makes PERFECT sense to me, you are wonderful at phrasing things and also I love you <3

I want to believe it's true, that people can use their braincells if they see me posting a picture of my self insert wearing my favorite pink shirt, and think to themselves "oh wow look, Keri is working on healing, good for her!!!" but I've gotten some confused messages where people are like "why would you make your S/I wear a pink shirt if pink is a trigger? why are you reblogging pictures of Starscream if looking at him is a trigger?" and it's just so hard to have to explain myself over and over and over, that I'm 5 months into the healing process, that Starscream isn't a trigger anymore so much as he is someone I am heavily grieving now, that damn I love pink sooo much and I don't want it to be a trigger anymore, I genuinely want to heal and that means I'm going to have to put in the work!!! I am going to have to look at these things and allow these feelings to wash over me, to reassure myself that I am in control. I do this in my therapy appointments, I do this when I know I'm feeling stable enough to look at these things, and on my horrible days when I can't look at them whatsoever then I just simply don't.

But nowadays when I'm starting to feel myself improve even just the smallest bit, I start to get scared that ppl aren't going to try to understand me no matter how many times I explain how healing from PTSD works. I've been through a lot the last 9 months, I was completely alone with ppl who were convincing me that my feelings weren't valid, so naturally when I come back online I assume ppl are going to think my feelings on reclaiming my own triggers at my own pace won't be valid either...

...and me saying that,,, might be silly, considering all the support I've gotten in such a short amount of time,,,,, I shouldn't stress about an incredibly miniscule amount of people who could potentially tell me that I'm "faking it". but I still get so so anxious, it's been SO LONG since I've talked to people again, people who are actually healthy for me to be around, I'm not used to people understanding me or hearing me out, I'm still so scared that I'll turn around and somebody I trust is going to stab me in the back. Nobody has reason to do this, I just,,, I'm so used to it, I endured it for almost a year, so I'm always on guard now ready for someone to plunge that knife into my back when I least expect it. I never used to get anxious abt things like this but I am such a different person now than I was before I left, I feel like my biggest parts of me are missing :( but I am hoping that healing from my trauma little by little by reclaiming the things that were lost to me are going to help me find myself again.

Thank you for telling me that this is a normal part of healing, bc I feel kind of out of my mind and going thru this process is so rough. It's so hard waking up and immediately getting flashbacks, and having other days where I wake up and I'm immediately super cautious, so tense that my chest will hurt, because I know the flashbacks could start at any point and I have to be "ready" for it. Having anxiety 24/7 is!! wild!!! and I keep going up and down when I'm healing and it makes me feel weird, it makes me feel like I am going crazy and that I'm "doing this wrong". I know healing isn't linear, like rationally I think deep down I am aware of it at least, but omg I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster over here. I've never had PTSD with multiple triggers and I've never actually had to experiment with reclaiming said triggers. I'm scared of people perceiving me when I'm in such a bad state, judging my every move and deciding whether or not my healing is valid or if I'm doing this "correctly". It's probably silly for me to think these things but it's been really eating at me for the past few days.

But I'm rereading your message a few more times rn and trying to really let it sink in, especially when you say I'm a nice/sincere person ;-; thank you. Most people know me by now, I have been online for a longass time, I truly hope people know I'm genuine and I would never "fake something for attention", especially when it involves my comfort characters, like... this is literally the worst thing to ever happen to me, I couldn't fake this if I tried lmao;;;

Thank you for sending me a reassuring message, I appreciate it <3

#yellowpoet #asks #keepsake #also im so glad that you thought my post made sense 😭🙏💛#i rly rly rly hope that most ppl have the same mindset that you do #i just know the reading comprehension on this hellsite is like... nonexistent fjhgfdksfhg #and ive already gotten some confused messages. and theyre innocently confused #but it just scares me bc theres so many Evil People out there who might try to put me down for all of this #and I am just. I'm doing so bad. I want to heal but I don't know if I'm 'allowed' to #bc people expect me to heal at a certain pace #like. I do not want to spend years being scared of these 10 or 20 things #especially a color that is so!! love-coded!!! one of my main fave colors!!#me trying to reclaim it is something I couldn't have done 5 months ago #but nobody saw me 5 months ago bc I was offline for so long. nobody has seen me at my Worst #so I'm scared that ppl will assume I'm 'healing too fast'#I've only been back for one week but my healing process is reaching 6 months very soon #idk if anything i said just made sense bc i jumped everywhere lmao???#anyway. ANYWAY. yellow i love you SO MUCH you cannot fathom how much I love you #I thought about you a few times when I was gone I thought about a lot of mutuals #and like you're one of my favorite blogs/mutuals and I care abt you so much. so thank you for sending me this

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dkettchen · 1 year

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not me adding literal buddhist monk shaolin masters to my very short list of ppl I’ve ever strongly related to the philosophy/mentality/approach to life of oh boy

#anthony padilla #buddhist monks #philosophy #trans #Idk what this says abt me for any of you who don't know me that well yet lmao #but it is fascinating to me at least that between the discipline of language learning since childhood #my shonen protagonist energy and slight megalomania #and my nonbinary trans thoughts about physical change and self improvement etc etc etc #despite coming from such vastly different backgrounds (not just culturally just in the like- I'm a queer artist n educator n stuff #and they're literal monks in an organised religion/belief system)#we have still somehow arrived at so many similar not only beliefs but also just like ways of living and discipline and worldview #something something outsider perspective that queer people will be more prone to due to being an eternal minority in any part of the world #while ppl like monks/nuns take up the lifestyle they lead in order to alienate themselves from the rest of society for religion's sake #something something the historic connection between ppl who dedicate their life to religion (monks/nuns/priests/etc) and the queer community #and various cultures where genderqueer ppl's role is/was that of religious leaders #something something maybe in a changing world that is not as religious anymore we can still be advisors and wise ppl to consult #like I think that's literally the conclusion I've arrived at for my pitch to the feminists is #you will never truly manage to include us as equals for sheer numbers reasons so you might as well use us and our skills and insights #for the gender lib movement in other more distinct ways that neither need you to fully equate us to you nor to limit us to your part of it #pay the transfemmes to teach y'all coding karlie kloss can't do it all on her own #and pay me to come teach you abt transmasc inclusion and internalised misandry and the terfs #and you'll find plenty of use from having us around

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timebe1ng · 1 year

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I'm having deranged thoughts about combining robotics and soft sculpture for my fourth year thesis project......

#can i code? no. do i know how robotics work? no i think its angels.#do i have two years to learn? yes!#soft robotics are just so haunting and i just feel like i could make something really beautiful #but also like. mikey dont be a freak just make tapestries like a normal person.#diary #idk i just keep thinking about what i would want to devote a year of my life to #and thinking about moving living sculpture makes me feel so much #theres a line from a lonely childhood begging my toys to come to life to my lonely adulthood begging my art make me feel alive #do you see? deranged.

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luuxxart · 11 months

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Are you still continuing the Earthbound fic? I loved the first chapter

oh gosh. Not to be obi wan kenobi on main but. That is not a name I have heard in a long time 🥺🥺🥺

Ok so like, I was, I really was going to continue it. And that fic is my baby. That’s like. My first born child. I was SO proud of it. So it wasn’t that I fell out of love w the series or I lost my passion for it bc . Gahhhh it was the best thing I’d come up w/ in a while. This is the fic

What happened was, the app I was writing on (My W Days bc, idk it was convenient at the time and I wasn’t really into google docs) decided that in the middle of the second chapter (I had literally written out the whole library scene where Ness gets the map and part of the Sharks stuff) it would just. Destroy half the file????? so I was like. Ok.

And I just. Never wanted to go back it made me so pissed. Left a bad taste in my mouth idk.

But idkkkkk I can’t say I won’t ever go back to it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i still have the whole fic scripted out I’m my notes and I go back and reread it sometimes lol it would’ve been 22 chapters fr

Seriously though thank you so much for having read and enjoyed the first chapter. I really wish I could’ve shared more with you 💕💕

#listen like. at the time that fic was SO important to me #writing Ness as a community college kid helped me understand my own feelings abt being a gifted kid in high school and then.#by circumstances having to go to comm college #which now I’ve been accepted to a prestigious 4 year so i guess I’m more like Porky now haha #but like. this was at the height of my love for catcher in the rye and I think it shows. ness is very holden-coded #catcher in the rye is still my favorite book I’ve read it three times. idk I just like pessimistic characters who try to be quirky lol #writing them is just so fun #i will say. something that didn’t help was that I got into persona immediately after I published the first chapter #and if i was going to finish something I’ve got some Shu/ake and Maru/dachi stuff I really need to finish up #but man . i do think abt this fic a lot and I hope to return to it someday #thank you so so much for asking about it im really glad you enjoyed it. that makes me happier than. man idk what #ask

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