#but i don't really like it. constantly thinking about killing myself sucked but at least i had like a way out
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the mental illness is making me very mentally ill today
#20 new cuts on my arm and it's starting to get warm out#i know i should stop but im going to keep adding more because i make good decisions#it's good to feel something and i hate myself and hurting myself helps me to cope i guess#i guess hurting myself is a way to take out my anger and hate towards myself on myself??#idk im not a mental health professional#i saw a therapist through my school the last few weeks of the semester and i think that was actually helpful#i've been out of one of my medications for almost a week so that doesn't help either#my dad is telling me that i should contact my dr but what is she going to do? the company just isn't making enough#my dad was talking to me about my job for over the summer#like um??? i want to kill myself#also still nowhere near finishing all my assignments for the classes i had to take incompletes in#i've been eating a normal amount or maybe too much and functioning more and having way fewer suicidal thoughts#but i don't really like it. constantly thinking about killing myself sucked but at least i had like a way out#i guess when i was doing worse i was probably more likely to actually hurt myself in a life threatening way#but now it's like great i have to live#tw: self harm#tw: suicide mention
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Misophonia sucks so fucking hard and no one anywhere ever wants to talk about it. Literally the only people I've ever had listen to me about my Misophonia are other people with Misophonia. So fuck it, Misophonia Awareness Post or something, I want to vent.
Allow me to describe what it is first for all the lucky people who aren't fucked over. Misophonia is likely an Audio-Processing Disorder (Potentially some form of Synesthesia) in which certain sounds trigger a fight or flight reaction. Trigger sounds can vary and sometimes after long term exposure it can create a reaction to the visuals associated with those sounds. It is possibly genetic, there is no known cause, there is no known treatment, there is only suffering and ways of generally kind of reducing that suffering.
When I hear people chewing I am filled with a rage that can only be described as "Bordering on a primal desire to Kill." and there's nothing I can do about that. A family member or friend takes a bite of something crunchy and I have to sit there and exist with thoughts of pounding their fucking skull into paste with my bare god damn hands and then afterwards I have to go back to "being normal". I have to just pretend that didn't happen, I can't do anything with those emotions, I can't put them anywhere, I can't talk about them with anyone or gain any understanding or sympathy from others for having them.
When I see someone chewing food anymore it's borderline impossible for me to remain in the room with them for any more than a few seconds because the mere sight of them chewing makes me physically ill and inspires in me a sense of deep disgust and panic that I could never ever hope to describe.
I tell people about what it's like and I get one of four reactions :
"Oh I think I have that too" With a weird amount of curious excitement at the concept of having a fun new quirky thing to mention in conversations. This means that they don't have it, and they'll then proceed to list off a couple different things that literally no human being likes to hear and how much that thing "annoys them". This makes me want to kill myself.
"Wow, Yikes." Through a grimace. This means I was too open about how it makes me feel and they now think i'm a either a freak, liability, time bomb, or over-dramatic, and will do everything they can to avoid the subject in the future so that I can't make them uncomfortable. This makes me want to kill them AND myself.
Immediately eats something really loudly to set me off as a "joke". This means that they're an obnoxious piece of shit that I have to try my absolute hardest not to beat to death with my bare hands. This makes me want to kill them, if that wasn't already obvious.
"Oh. So that's what this is called." This means they have it, and we can both engage in a brief period of mutual trauma sharing that helps us know we're not alone, and that our curse is unfortunately shared with others. This makes us both somewhat melancholy, and kinda ruins the vibes until something fun happens.
And then we get into the "How do you make the pain stop", and good news! You can't. There is no way to make it stop. But you can make it hurt less with ✨Spending Unbearable Amounts of Cash✨
You can buy a billion different types of earplugs that will all do great at muting the world but always leave you incredibly unaware of the world around you and leave you fucked in-terms of listening to media.
You can buy normal headphones that will kind of work but never mute the world around you anywhere near enough and vaguely frustrate you constantly, but hey at least you're a bit more accessible! Try combining these with a combination of rain and static noise playing at all times in the background for an extra layer of silence :)
You can buy ANC headphones that cost infinitely too much money and are almost always built to break so that they can farm cash from you in repairs, but the ANC is so useful despite not working perfectly that you can't really exist without it so you're gonna spend 200+ dollars every couple years because you don't have a choice, and spend every single day 24/7 wearing hot heavy over-ear headphones! Use the Rain and Static Noise combo with this as well for the best ANC effect.
And inevitably, all of these options will give you hearing problems, potentially make you aware of new trigger sounds, and always leave you a step behind everyone else when a conversation happens.
Pro-Tip : For when the sounds are really intrusive and you're on the verge of a breakdown, Combine ANC with Ear Plugs and the R&SN background audio to basically kill noise in it's entirety for a little while :)
AND NOW WE GET TO THE PART WHERE I SAY WHAT THE FUCK CAN YOU NORMIES DO TO MAKE OUR SUFFERING LESS FUCKING CONSTANT.
Listen to us. Don't ostracize us for experiencing emotions we can't control and don't mean or want to act on. If you can, try your best to do the trigger noises quietly, and try your best not to do the trigger visuals in-front of us. We know it's not something you can control entirely, but if you can make the effort to make our lives suck less, we'll really fucking appreciate it.
And if you try to get back at us during a fight by eating something really crunchy to abuse our disorder for your benefit, I swear to god I will hunt you down personally and subject you to the most violent and painful torture I can manage before killing you and hiding your body somewhere no one will ever find it so that your loved ones never have the closure of knowing if you died or if you're still somewhere out there.
Thanks for reading even though I know you didn't because the length of this post is frankly unhinged and i'll probably only get like 2 likes at best.
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I always wanted to ask. Do you like hate Viktor or? I’m a bit confused since his entire life has just been trauma after trauma but it kinda feels like people don’t care? I kinda just want your thoughts on his story (both before S1, Aka when he was a kid and like S1 to S3?) like, what constitutes as a victim mentality when he’s just constantly being tortured? Is it his fault his powers are dangerous? Or is it his fault that he had a panic attack and basically went haywire? /Gen
Ooooh, this is an interesting question. This is going to be a long answer.
So no, I absolutely don't hate Viktor. Actually, what I love about him is that he has a dark side like everyone else. It's what makes him compelling. Emotionally, he's a deeply traumatized human being. By nature, he's gentle and has a strong sense of justice. Take a character like that and give him a tendency to kill people when he loses control of his emotions, and you've got yourself some A+ internal conflict. That doesn't work if he has no agency in the things he does.
When I refer to a victim mentality, I'm not making a claim that he's not a victim--I'm referring to the fact that he's forgotten that he's not only a victim. Indeed, to some degree, he started out the series having forgotten that people who hurt him can also be victims. To take it further, other people can be his victims. That's just a fact of life about being a human being. It's certainly not his fault that his powers are dangerous, but I don't think it's as simple as him "going haywire." I don't think he's having a panic attack when he ends the world. Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if he did the entire thing while dissociated. That's kinda what it looks like to me.
Now, dissociation is gonna be different for everyone, and I'm not sure if this is how it was intended, but to me, it doesn't feel like I've lost control of myself. To the contrary, I get very intense and goal-oriented when I dissociate. Viktor's sense of reality seems to be distorted, to the point where he is doing a lot of shit he would not have done the day before or the day after, so I would not be the least bit surprised if he was experiencing derealization. If you don't know what that's like...well, you do. If you've had a dream, you know exactly what derealization feels like. It literally feels like a dream. Now I want to be clear it feels like a dream. You are still in possession of all your mental faculties. Unless something else is confusing you, like if you just woke up or were falling asleep, you probably don't literally think you're dreaming? But that's just my experience. I tend to dissociate before and after a really bad panic attack, and as shitty an experience as it is, it's not part of a panic attack so much as it is protecting me from my panic attack. That's the mechanism, anyway. It ends up feeling like something I need protection from.
Derealization doesn't make you do things, but it does impair your judgment in my experience. When things don't feel real, it doesn't feel like there will be consequences to your actions. But, like with being drunk, you're not going to just randomly do shit you would never do otherwise. Like with being drunk, it's not an excuse for doing horrible shit. And while my memory and focus both suck when I'm dissociated, it suuuuper does not feel like being drunk. My ability to reason and logic is still there. My emotions are going haywire, but I'm not being destructive because I'm not a destructive person. Again, I don't have like, the definitive experience here, but it's the only experience I've got to talk about.
Is Viktor a destructive person when he's not losing it? When calm, and confident, under specific circumstances, he can be. He can be very frightening, and use it for the forces of good. Look at his conversation with Marcus. Do you think he was bluffing? I don't. And I think that's super cool, that he recognizes this side of himself now, but knows it doesn't have to be bad, or uncontrolled, or any of the things he feared it would be at the end of s2. He can listen to his emotions, take that sense of justice, and protect people.
A lot of this goes for Allison, too, btw. She was deeply emotionally compromised this entire season, but her actions were her own. None of the Hargreeveses have good emotion regulation (no, not even Five). Viktor's regulation is the worst because his emotions were chemically dampened his entire life. But being dysregulated does not mean you lose control of your actions, or your sense of right and wrong. When you're angry enough, you know it's wrong to say certain things or do certain things, but you're so angry, you stop caring that it's wrong. When you calm down, you feel awful.
Like Five explained to Viktor this season, that is the consequence of them having power. When they make mistakes, when they permit themselves the same moral indulgences other people get to have (like losing one's temper and yelling something one doesn't mean), people lose their lives for it. And because Viktor is very powerful, him lashing out the way normal people do every day winds up getting a lot of people killed. It's not that he's so evil, he destroyed the world. He had a couple of very, very bad days, and instead of screaming obscenities at the taxi driver who honked at him, he flung the entire taxi two blocks and presumably killed the guy. And if it didn't feel real to him at the time because he was dissociated, I would not be at all surprised. But that goes to show that a normal psychological mechanism in someone with powers still has vastly different consequences from what it has in a normal person. It's not that he's gotten correspondingly more evil, just that he pays for his mistakes differently than a non-powered person does.
And that's a hard, hard lesson to someone who dreamed of having superpowers all his life but also cried when his siblings stepped on ants.
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LCB Sinners as Sims players (yes)
We've had a discussion with friends about sinners and their taste in games in modern AU and, being an avid fan of The Sims, I've decided to assign sinners their Sims playstyles. After all, who hasn't played it?
(oh, I also don't always mention which Sims game they'd play, but it's mostly 2-3 purely because I'm used to these myself)
Emil - I imagine that he'd prefer a story-heavy gameplay! He'd also have few families, but would be very attached to them (and dedicate a lot of time to creating interesting personalities). So much so that it'd be very hard for him to sacrifice their happiness for drama. Oh, and as for the game, I feel that he would really enjoy Sims 3. I'd also say that he might like Sims 2, but... Emil would probably be too young to know much about it.
Rodya - I think she'd get bored of the game quickly. On the other hand, she might try building or try out different types of gameplay - building different skills, playing with different content, etc. She's also one of rare sinners I imagine playing Sims 4 (or Sims 3... doubt she'd bother getting older games).
Gregor - the most ordinary Sims player. He just wants his sims to live a happy family life. He also feels like the kind of person to have played the first Sims game (I generally headcanon him to be an old games lover in modern AU... Yes, it's because he has strong dad vibes :D).
Hong Lu - one of my mutuals said that he'd have "disgustingly huge dynasties" and I love this headcanon!! I also think that he'd try out some of the Sims challenges (Legacy Challenge at least). Aaand among sinners he's another rare fan of Sims 4 in my eyes, because he's just that nice.
Outis - ...I think she'd hate the game actually.
Ishmael - she'd play normally... and that's why she'd get really bored of the game. Besides, she's the sinner to actually touch grass, so she probably needs no life simulator.
Ryoushu - have you seen those "making my sims suffer in terrifyingly cruel ways" videos? She's their creator.
Heathcliff - he'd try all possible ways to kill his sims. He'd probably also create his enemies and make them suffer in especially cruel and/or humiliating ways. He'd also probably enjoy Extreme Violence Mod for Sims 4. (among his saves there's actually the one with the couple that he created with Cathy. He didn't have it in himself to delete this family, and it's actually the only save where he plays in a completelly normal way)
Don - she'd be the type of player to create characters with only good traits (yes, she'd play Sims 3 or 4) and try to make them the best at everything. Somehow she'd end up being the first Sims player that sucks at the game. Oh, and I also think that she'd get bored of her sims pretty quickly and would constantly create new ones. Her only long-lasting save would probably the one with some horse farm owner (in Sims 3, at least...). Lastly, I think she'd often create her simsona (with the coolest trates possible, of course!!!) or her favourite characters/celebrities (would her simsona marry them? Maybe!)
Faust - I feel like she'd be less of a player, more of a popular modder. Her actual game experience would actually be playing the game a little, noticing some minor problems, looking into them... and ending up researching the game so much that it gets really boring to play (after all, she'd know all about it).
Meursault - he'd create either himself or the most generic sim possible, get him to work in business and purely dedicate his time in game to improving in that career. In the end, he'd drop the game simply because he wouldn't understand what it's point is.
Yi Sang - I honestly don't know, but I feel like he'd be an original Sims player. Not sure he'd even know about all later releases, actually...
Dante - he'd really, really like his sims and want them to be happy, but each time they'd fail spectacularly or die in mysterious circumstances. It'd always break Dante's heart. (Dante is also the reason Vergilius (who never played the game) knows all possible ways to fuck up in Sims)
Charon - she'd know A L L about the game. She'd try so many thing so she'd probably become some sort of Sims sage. Vergilius would probably be very confused as to how she hasn't ended up as the second Red Gaze after all this time playing.
Bonus: Kromer would bully Emil for his Sims hobby, calling it cringe and too girly (and causing Emil to be very self-conscious about his interests in games). Then she'd come home to her PC, boot up her very own Sims game and spend hours playing throught the save where she and Emil are in love and happily married.
And that's all! My apologies if it was silly - again, I'm just a huge fan of both The Sims series and Limbus Company. I also really like silly AUs!!! :D
(if you've noticed mistakes in the post - please, don't hesitate to point them out, English is not my first language)
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I actually meant that the other way around; I don't easily or often see anything attractive in myself, but other people sometimes do. And when I'm in that situation I think it's better to just accept what someone else sees rather than get self conscious because I don't see the same. So if a maid is what you want, a maid is what you get. 💕
I'm sorry people don't take you seriously, you deserve to always be so, no matter how cute you also are.
I can absolutely take care of everything while you're busy studying, and even get working on some meals that are easier to fit in while you're so busy. Hell, if you're really going to struggle to stop for anything but coffee I can at least see if I can put together a cake to accompany it that will get you more nutrients for getting through the day.
Frankly I'd constantly be wanting to touch you, so I'd need either rules or something to keep busy with it you don't want me whining and distracting you. If you're going to be so gracious as to make space for me at your feet, I don't want to be an annoyance.
I'd sincerely say my style is whatever someone chooses to put on me. My natural look is something along the lines of "perfectly in place among a fantasy battle scene", so perhaps you'd like something soft and delicate to contrast, or something tough and solid to fit. The collars that no longer fit are a soft brown leather one that looks just like a dog collar, and a solid steel ring (well, two halves of a ring, hinged in the front) with a combination lock at the back. Leather would be easy for me to do; cutting, stamping, sewing, and finishing is easier than patching torn clothes. A metal one I couldn't guarantee I'd get right first time, but I have a big interest in jewelry making, and I'd certainly know where to start with whatever you asked for.
Hmmmm... My favourite would probably be either a gingernut or a digestive, if I had to pick.
Ugh I feel you so much.
I struggle with my self esteem so much. I’ve been to therapy for two years and I’m finally at the point I can agree with my therapist that I’m not the ugliest person to ever walk to earth.
I agree with you, maybe other people see something you can’t because your judgement is being clouded by your own perception.
Anyway, I bet you would be the cutest little maid, and I’ll do my best to praise and adore you.
I have to eat to take my meds and whenever I’m stressed I stop eating completely 🫠 and my meds themselves kill my appetite 😅 I lost some muscle mass with the weight and I’m honestly so pissed about it😤 so good luck with taking care of me😂 I’m really stubborn.
Unless it’s fruit or chocolate. It’s my only weakness.
That and some good toy’s cum.
I think it’s adorable when a sub get clingy and touchy and i could honestly melt, but I do need to study. I’ll try my best to be a little more of a strict duchess.
And perfectly in place for a fantasy bottle sounds so so hot 😵💫
I wanna see the collars! Even though you definitely sound like you should get a new one😊 I still have my own self collaring one from back when I was a sub and I still adore it.
As for the style, i couldn’t find anything remotely close to my vision even though i searched Pinterest high and low🥲
I love this kind of vibe but I also thought that a green leather one could be so pretty. Like a dark emerald colour (my fave 😊) with some silver detailing like the one above.
Something that looks like it was taken from an a high fantasy book and could tie in to my royal kink. Something that is both beautiful as it’s practical.
I guess you could say my own personal could be described as “rabliuous princess elf running away from her parents and turning into the female version of Aragorn”.
Anyway, we might need to do a little back and forth till we get to the perfect design.
I haven’t tried them😅
Btw, i couldn’t help myself and got sucked into look for crown and tiaras and now I’m obsessed 🥺
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Diary 2/26: life update cause it's been 6 months at least
Hi 👋🏼, It's been a long time, about 6 months about. I'm 23 now
I have a lot of up and downs and haven't felt like writing, and my main creative outlet has been TikTok because to be honest, I feel less alone when I can see that people saw my video, and maybe ever gave it a like or comment
I guess I'll talk a bit about the last 6 months, I work at a craft store now, quit my old horrible job that mistreated me constantly, got COVID soon after quitting the old job, went and saw a medium sized artist I like in concert, second ever concert, her name is Tessa Violet, dragged my bff with me cause we planned it for her to come down and visit me during Spring Break.
I also confessed to my crush, they said they like me too and have just as long as I have but she thought me flirting was pitty compliments cause ADHD runs through both of us lol, it's been moving really slowly cause things keep happening to her, the universe is just slapping her weekly bro.
I don't hate my job at the craft store, but I miss doing a version of my chosen career as a baker/cake decorator, really wish that place wasn't so toxic and that I had a car already.
I'm still trying to get a car, it took me 3 months to get a new job after quitting my old one, the COVID thing was a month of that but also just this job market sucks, origami current job was seasonal, but I have really good numbers on the register and I'm good at the other parts like stalking and sorting and fixing things on the shelfs so I got kept on. I make sure not to give a ADHD 100% anymore, it killed me at my old job and whenever I only had a normal person's 100% they acted like I was failing when I was just doing a normal amount instead of a crazy amount, so I learned not to grind myself to the bone.
I can't remember if I've mentioned this, probably not tho, I go to a weekly crochet club for months now, it's all older ladies and me but it's better than nothing with how I don't really have friends other than my best friend. They care about me and I care about them and it's nice to talk to others once a week.
I kinda ran outta steam for finding friends the last 2 months, I was trying and trying and I'm just tired after months and months or trying 🤷
I think about making a post all the time, but also feel like I'm writing into the void, which has been terrifying me lately, the void that is, long story short, I was stressed AF and couldn't sleep for days the day before Halloween and tried to smoke to fall asleep, but before I'd just taken a hit or two of my brothers sleep type vape, but actually smoked it that night for the first time and instead tripped horribly and it's still affecting me mentally, the memory of the horror that was that night.
Editing a note: I was basically trying to test for a bit if a sleep strain of weed would help with my at the time rampid insomnia since sleep meds either don't work on me or give me bad side effects, but after that night I'm probably never touching it again so ✌🏼
I also am just not feeling great medically, I just got my broken tooth pulled through and did my wisdoms at the same time and already feel better even with the jaw pain, so hopefully some of the not feeling well was because of my teeth, I've been working on trying to finally fix my teeth as well and I think it might actually happen now
Anyways, it's after 3:20am so I'm gonna go lay down even if I don't sleep till 4 cause laying down is better than nothing
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not about kinks or stuff. don't answer if don't want to) bro, what was it like taking t or getting top surgery early? In my country we can only take hormones and get surgery at 18 years old. I spent my entire adolescence anxious for it. like. give me that testo, government.
I'm always happy to get asks, kinky or not!! This is gonna be long, so strap in lol
And I never mind talking about my journey, because I know it's not really the "norm," even in trans culture.
Honestly, it never really hit me exactly how early I was allowed to get hormones and surgery until a year or so ago when I was thinking back on it. It didn't feel early to me. It felt like everything was timed just right, but looking back, yeah, it was pretty early.
For a while, I just wanted the social change. Cut my hair, change my name, and change my clothes. Boom. Done. I was fine with that for a year or two (I was 11-12 when I came out). I actually cried when I got my hair cut, and my stylist was concerned that she'd upset me. Nope! I was just so happy that she cut my hair! She still cuts my hair to this day and says that I'm a completely different person (/pos).
But then I started feeling like it wasn't enough. I wanted to fit in more with The Guys (side note: I never really did, even after all the hormones and surgery bc these guys knew me since elementary and most were bigoted assholes). So we went to my doctor to try getting hormones. That took, I think, a year and a half or so? Still a pretty short time frame. At one point, I was wearing a binder and a back brace because I have scoliosis, R.I.P. my ability to b r e a t h e.
But we got it! And I was fine with that by itself, too! Until around my sophomore(?) year in high school. I always changed in the nurse's office because it was embarrassing changing with anyone else—boys or girls. So I brought up trying to get top surgery to my mom (shout out to her for being so supportive during my whole transition, gods I love my mom). By junior year, I got my tits yeeted, and I was changing with the boys in P.E. Other than locker rooms, P.E. was co-ed, so there was no "boys on this side, girls on that side" that I can remember.
Obviously, I never fit in with The Guys, and I didn't want to fit in with The Girls (even though many of my friends were girls). But I felt comfortable in my body, at least. It felt more like myself.
I don't regret any of it, even if it all did happen quite young. I got plenty of warnings from doctors and my therapists, and my mom and I had to jump through a ton of hoops to get where we did. I'm really grateful that I got everything when I did, because it probably saved me a lot of depression and anxiety I would've had now.
Even though I got approved for T "early," by medical and societal standards, I basically had to go through puberty twice lol. Because I had already gotten periods and experienced breast growth (not much, thankfully), acne, etc. And then I got testosterone and my voice was cracking a lot while it changed, my fat redistributed through my body, I think I gained more muscle?? hard to tell bc I was never really strong to begin with, my hairline receded quite a bit 🥲, and all those usual things associated with cis guy puberty....including being constantly horny. Gods, that was awful. Wet boxers every day, all the time, it was so awkward.
As for top surgery, that was the only part I was actually scared about. Not because I was anxious about regretting the surgery or the cost of it or anything like that. Just because I have trauma when it comes to people doing things to me while I'm unconscious (or so they thought). That was the only scary part. That, and the IV going in me bc I had this weird fear that if I moved my hand, then the needle would break out of my vein, into my body, and kill me or smth :)
Other than that, the surgery part was easy! Recovery took a while and sucked, especially the rules:
Don't lift more than (I think it was) 5 lbs
Don't raise your arms over your head
No showering for the next few days after surgery
Massage the skin once to twice a day (my hand hurt a lot after this part)
Don't pick at the scabs
I think that's all there was...
Now, I easily pass as a cis guy to most strangers. One of my favorite things to do is see how people react when they find out I'm trans lol. Because they never expect it! And then I show them a picture of me before transitioning, and they're like, "😲 That's you?!"
"Yep :)"
I know most people are afraid of being outed as trans, but for me I'm just like, "Look at how far I've come!!" It's not really a touchy subject for me. As long as someone is genuinely curious and not asking super invasive questions <3
#never ask an ADHD person an open-ended question#i'll go on forever lol#idk how to tell stories in a consistent way#ask anon#ask answered#ask
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get to know me (sims edition)
thank you so much to @dandylion240 for tagging me!! <3
i feel like everyone has done this bad boy by now, so i don't know who to tag, but please consider yourself tagged if you see this and want to do it!
what's your favorite sims death?
ngl i love the jelly bean death from TS3. when i was younger, if i got bored of a sim, i'd just feed them jelly beans over and over until they kicked the bucket and i could get rid of them.
if not the jelly bean death, then mummy's curse! it's way too easy to get sims cured of it, though, so you really have to commit to letting them suffer through it.
alpha cc or maxis match?
i'd say somewhere in between! i much prefer maxis match, but i'll use alpha occasionally. if i do, it's probably for specific clothing items that no one has made in mm style yet.
do you cheat your sims weight?
for story sims, yes. for gameplay sims, no. i really don't care about it in gameplay and i just let my sims look like what they look like. but in my story, i do cheat it because i keep VERY tight control over those characters. i like continuity and making sure everyone sticks to their canon, but also, when things do change, i like to plan for that to happen in the narrative at a logical point in time for the character.
do you move objects?
constantly!
favorite mod?
literally anything that gives me god-like control over my sims. NRaas and MCCC are my loves <3
first expansion pack?
it was world adventures for TS3.
i remember when i bought the base game on PC for the first time. picture it - september 2012. supernatural just released, seasons is on the way. everyone and their mother is watching lifesimmer. i played one household, an opposites attract couple. i got bored, killed the husband, and then never touched the game again.
at least, i didn't touch it until i watched LGR's reviews and bought world adventures! yay, interest revived.
do you pronounce live mode as aLIVE or LIVing?
i always say it like "liv"
who's your favorite sim you've ever made?
unequivocally, it's grant <3 my beloved
also his future love interest, who i will continue to tease simblr with by vague posting about them
have you made a simself?
yes, but i never play my simself or use them for anything.
what is your favorite EA hair color?
black or red, 100% - they look amazing on every single sim. like i challenge myself to find a sim who doesn't look good in black or red hair. i don't think it'll happen!
i love the unnaturals, too, but more in TS3 because i can customize them to my heart's desire and give sims their natural root color.
also unpopular opinion but in TS4, the original blue black is wayyyyy better than the new one!
favorite EA hair?
honestly, just the curly hairs. me and giving sims in every game curly hair are an inseparable duo
favorite life stage?
you know, i don't think i have one favorite, but i can tell you which one i hate. i HATE playing as kids. they can't do anything and they're not interesting and their clothing options are horrible. babies, infants, toddlers, teens - all okay! kids? NOPE BORING
yes, i would rather play with a burrito or bassinet baby than a kid.
the kids are slightly better in TS3 because i feel like it's easier to get them to make friends, plus i can ship them off to boarding school if i really want to, but they're still not interesting...
are you a builder or in it for the gameplay?
gameplay and stories all the way, baby. i hate building. will i do it occasionally? sure. does it make me want to eat my monitor so i never have to stare at my poor life decisions ever again? yes!
are you a cc creator?
yes and no. i love doing recolors tbh but most of them end up being only for my private game. i've not shared very much on here publicly. i always want to and then i forget or just don't feel like cleaning up my files to be sharable.
do you have any simblr friends?
a few, yes! i'm very shy and short on free time to browse tumblr so i suck at reaching out, but i've made a few amazing friends and lots of close mutuals, i'd say. i'm always wanting to make friends on here, though, so hey y'all, let's be besties! if i follow you, i treasure you. trust me!
do you have any sims merch?
i've never seen sims merch to begin with?
do you have a youtube for sims?
i've had two LMAO. i had one as a kid where i uploaded gameplay clips. i had one video get a decent set of views (okay, like a hundred or something, idk) where i did a world adventures time lapse.
and then i started another one in like 2019? i did speed CAS and decorating videos in TS3. i deleted all the videos, though. i did think about reviving that channel a while back and doing let's plays for sims and RPGs, but then i got paranoid about people hearing my voice. i had the mic and everything ready, left over from a school project.
you know, sometimes i still think about using that channel but i probably won't.
how has your sim style changed throughout your years of playing?
i don't know. i think they've always looked kind of the same. i always lean towards making sims with freckles, big eyes, long noses, curly hair, and who aren't skinny and never wear a color other than black. if you ever see a sim of mine with features that deviate from those, just know that it was a severe struggle and concerted effort to do so.
what's your origin ID?
i'm not giving that out to the whole wide world. though, you can DM me for it if we're mutuals and you want it for any reason!
who's your favorite cc creator?
i love rusty-sims and sifix because they make absolute top-tier formalwear cc. formal is my least favorite outfit category in any sims game and they make it so much easier to work with <3
how long have you had simblr?
this particular one? since december 2021.
how do you edit your pictures?
basically not at all. i use gimp to crop and add borders, then photopea to add text on my story posts.
what expansion pack is your favorite?
it's definitely not world adventures. what do you mean it's world adventures? i've never ever ever mentioned on this blog or in this post that i love world adventures. i don't know where that assertion is coming from!
it's world adventures
#if there's one WA fan it's me#if there's no WA fans i'm dead#i'm finally catching up on tag games sorry jfgfdjd#there's some from months ago i still have to do#tag games
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Had a bit of a binge with the sib so here's some thoughts!
First off I had already heard of paul 22 and robot Emma but damn was that a good ep! Altough I don't quite get Paul 22 not gasping the concept that there were two emmas considering he himself was a clone- but it was a stressful situation so I can forgive him. But damn the reveal of what Emma he'd killed played out perfectly.
OK so how am I both shocked and not at all surprised that Hidgens has apparently been fucking his Alexa- I knew he felt some sort of relationship with it but I didn't quite think he'd go that far- I constantly underestimate just how unhinged that man is tbh. Ted ted my man! Tbh I already knew the basic plot of time bastard thanks to tumblr x. (I can't reframe from getting deep into fandom before watching everything-) but I did not know he'd actually killed Jenny 😭 that was actually heartbreaking. And the reveal of Ted = Homeless man was amazing! The gasp my sib let out, their mouth wide open and everything as they turned to me. Makes me wish I went into it blind becuase it really is a game changer.
Janes a Car was a lot creepier than I thought it would be tbh- Poor Tom and Becky, but uh, at least Tim gets his mum?
The witch in the web was awesome! I finally get to meet miss holloway and Doug! I've heard about them but tried to distance myself lol. I am in love with her so far! Also the Miss Holloway vrs Wilbur Cross 👀
And last episode we watched! Honey Queen!! I did not expect to stan Gerald but here we are. He's such a supportive Hubby 💜 He really said your dad sucks ass but I'll help you try to Win his respect to make you happy anyway. Like he was full on board with helping Linda just destroy the competition! I knew the vauge idea that Linda entered some competition that ended in her being sacrificed but I had no idea that it was a pagent and that HER DAD was the one that sacrificed her!! Like damn there bad father and theres Bad father. Zoey was super cool tho, love the latte hottie! Alas even more reasons to hate sam! How can you as a cop break so many laws!
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You and tales of crestoria 🤝 me and final fantasy record keeper
I think they killed mine bc it was unprofitable (it was so so so ineffective to put real money into <3<3<3) and unpopular, but they really should've considered that i, the most important bird in the world, enjoyed it. Or some other reason that i could probably google *shrug
I miss it every day 💔💔💔🐦
Duuuuude, I played Record Keeper for a bit when it was new!!!!! I heard it was just the global version that shut down but the JP version is still going, so yeah, global probably just wasn't making enough money to be worth running. So, ya know. RK's still kinda alive but ToC is dead and buried. Lmao, not to diminish the RK situation cuz I'm sure restarting on JP would just absolutely not be worth the hassle so definitely still kind of a Lost Lenore.
I kinda wish Opera Omnia would consider adding characters from the other FF mobile games cuz there's untapped potential there. Like add Tyro at least for RK rep. And Wol from Mobius FF, which I also miss a lot!!!! I don't want Mobius to ever be forgotten. Plus the BE crew, but that's the only one that's shockingly still going strong. Meanwhile Square's adding TikTok influencers to Be:WotV, so :/
Man this sent me down a rabbit hole of other Square mobile games. I played both Valkyrie Anatomia: The Origin and Star Ocean: Anamnesis without knowing anything about the original series but I loved those games and they didn't really last longer than 2-3 years. Plus the global server for SINoALICE either shutdown within the last week or is shutting down real soon. Even the JP server is being rumored to shut down relatively soon, but idk if that's willingly or not cuz they're supposedly taking their time to wrap up the story at least.
Both Square and Bamco just seem so bad at keeping most of their gachas alive. And years of constantly having good gachas I like getting shutting down has really given me a fear for all of them that I play. I genuinely don't believe Ever Crisis is gonna last more than a year and everyday I play Star Rail I'm afraid it's suddenly gonna bomb suddenly and get shut down. Tho Hoyoverse seems real good about that not happening with their games, but still when I see people say HSR is dipping it makes me a little paranoid and I gotta remind myself they just got bored and wanna find a reason to justify it.
Like honestly, I know mobile games get a lot of shit for how many of them are low quality and the massive amount of gachas that want your money from your gambling addiction, but I love the genre so much. I've found so many good games that are gachas and it sucks that the state/economy/whatever of the genre is so so fragile that the slightest dip in sales means it's existence has to be ripped out of the universe regardless of how good it may be. It's not like they stop selling it but you still have your copy like it's a console game or you can just emulate it once it closes. When it's gone, it's gone. People can record cutscenes and rip models and assets, but you can never play it again. At least thank god for those one-in-a-million games that leave up offline versions when they shutdown, but in all my life of mobile gaming I've only seen two, KHUX and Tokimeki Idol.
Anyway sorry to ramble on about the topic, I'm just feeling mega sad now about it all and I don't know what could possibly be done to like, make the mobile game scene better? At least about this issue. But I doubt anything ever would be done in terms of not losing games forever anyway.
#i miss priconne too. i saved up so much in that game. barely ever pulled.#i had thousands saved. most ive ever saved in a gacha. i wanted beach mimi and vampy and other costumes. and then it just quietly shut down.#none of that currency ever used. jp's still going tho but i think last i heard its not doing the best so whats the point in playing jp#the first gacha i ever played got shut down i think earlier this year#i just found out a couple days ago that exos heroes shutdown a couple months ago#idek what the state of brave nine is after the second game got released and im afraid to find out#like yeah yeah i know gambling practices whatever. but have you considered some of them are genuinely good games so much love crafted#into them and the creators just wanted to make something beautiful like many other console and pc games out there?#it fuckin sucks man. i fucking hate capitalism.#im sure im derailing! sorry bird! just. god. video games ya know#ask#personal
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I FINISHED SEASON 2 OF VOLTRON
OKAY SO SO SO that was a WILD season and the showdown in the last 2 episodes? it was so dramatic and deserved. Really interesting to see the mages(?) get more screentime (though barely) because they are so funky. what are they doing why are they there. but anyways like last time I'lll put the rest below xD
BACK ABOUT THE MAGES. I don't remember their names but the head mage gives off "puppeteering-everything-from-the-background" vibes. I wouldn't be surprised if they turned out to be the real mastermind behind it all. Like if the magic was used to corrupt some minds and help build the empire. Although I don't know what that would do to the world building?
Shiro. WHERE DID SHIRO GO. Like they went HARD on Shiro this season. He's trying his best but life keeps attacking him. The mind battles he has are super cool and WOW this man can fight. but also Shiro do you ever sleep. does he sleep. does he believe in self care. I don't think he's ever heard of sleep before.
Pidge gives off some of the vibes of Haruhi from OHHC. They both have similar genders. Love how she gets time to shine at the tech planet!
Hunk being a master chef is cool, especially considering he's probably never seen any of those ingredients before. Still kinda disappointing that they made 3/4 of his personality food. I also think he'd be good at hugs lol
Keith my man are you okay?? I'm getting vibes of orphan club which like same xD. But also now that Shiro is gone Keith is probably going to have to take over? The red lion has shown to act independently so if Keith takes over the black lion then they could still form voltron? (the black lion has show to not care as mucha bout who's in it, at least compared to the red lion.
ALSO the red lion acting independently feels kind of like a parallel to hyper-vigilance. Keith doesn't feel safe often so his lion is always on guard and ready to protect, unlike a lot of people who generally don't have such a hyperactive "I must protect myself at all costs" mentality. It's the constantly engaged survival instincts you honour
Love how lance is just some guy. I am not invested in him and I feel like he would not be invested in me if we ever met xD. Love how he's just some guy while Shiro has gone through insurmountable psychological and physical trauma. he's just there.
THE MERMAID ADVENTURE WAS SUPER NEAT. LOVE HOW THE QUEEN DIDN'T TURN OUT TO BE BAD (maybe? it felt a little rushed when it got to that point). The suspense of figuring out what was causing the mind control was pretty neat. Also the giant worm beast was living it's life. technically wasn't decimating the mermaid population so.. (joking joking I just really liked its design)
Black lion trust battles are super cool. But I gotta say the black lion has like, reverse trust issues. please just stop trying to pick the genocidal dictator that keeps killing millions of people. please. Though it does make me wonder if part of the reason the black lion accepted Shiro so fast was because Shiro reminded the black lion of the previous paladin? With the arm and vibes and everything?
Coran is growing on me. he's just built like that and honestly good for him. He's like a space dad. Also emo Coran is great, might be a heavy stereotype but you know what we can ignore that and let him own it. Give him back that haircut. Also how he speaks sometimes makes me think that he's not from the same planet Allura is? Like maybe he's from a sister planet of a species that evolved extremely similar but not identical. Because he can't do everything Allura can. UNLESS Allura can do it because she's a princess whichhhh eh. It's cool for her but also tiring to see the whole "royal families are good and deserve their positions because they are inherently more special and valuable" sort of message.
ALLURA. QUEEN. SHE IS FLEXING HER POWER AND I SUPPORT HER ON THAT ENDEAVOUR. She was being mean to Keith but all things considering I can understand her hesitance considering everything. Stills sucks that Keith had to go through her projections. but also DAMN when she blends in to sneak onto the ship I loved seeing her fight. like her fighting style there was literally "what if I just slam everything together". I love that for her
also Keith being only half(?) human is really cool but WOW the team was not very understanding. Just let the guy be. He's trying his best but he also needs time to process and adapt. And I don't think he adapted too well if his first(ish) reaction to being part galra was to throw himself into enemy ships and nearly die AGAIN
red lion going feral is cool. Love how it has a stronger personality compared to the others, but it makes the other lions seem less powerful? not powerful perse but more so they get almost kidnapped a lot more and don't really do anything about it while the red lion will fight for its own freedom.
ANYWHO I should probably go watch the third season because I MUST know where Shiro went. is he okay <- judging by his character he is one of the MOST least okay characters.
#voltron#voltron legendary defender#again I need to say the show is animated SO WELL. It looks so cool#It's pretty good so far. visuals are stunning but the story writing is a little weak at some points?#BUT they do not skip out on the world(s?) building#I am so thrilled that they showed a non-humanoid species of aliens be highly intelligence because I am tired of#humanoid/human-like centric alien designs.#humans aren't that special. aliens shouldn't have to be like humans because humans are not some sort of special monolith of epicness#<- cue me being a very autistic child trying to ask my teacher why people sometimes talk about animals as if humans#aren't technically animals also#and getting in trouble for it multiple times -_-#I still am confused ngl. humans are animals right? so why should huimans be treated more special than other creatures?#BUT that could be a ramble all of its own SO TLDR Love the range in alien designs#love the mech fights and visuals and everything#it's a super cool show thanks for the recommendation Loz!
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In your humble opinion, do you think mitsuba is gay?
I'll be dead honest with you, I don't know if Mitsuba likes anybody in that sort of way. When asked about girls he just notes that nobody is as cute as himself, therefor nobody is suitable to even fantasize about. His ego comes first. He thinks himself is cute, what does that count for? Is that a sign of gayness? Maybe?? Mitsuba has hardly even had friends, much less anything approaching a relationship.... so I don't... know... what his desires, or standards are. We don't see him slobbering over a magazine or calling anybody hot. You could just as easily, at the moment, conclude he is aroace. Mitsuba at least isn't intentionally feminine, and dislikes being called girly or referred to as girly-faced, so that isn't something he's intentionally prideful about. He's not aiming to be GNC. But I don't know what Mitsuba is actually aiming for. He mostly talks in negatives, not positives. Unlike Nene or Hanako, who are constantly horny for specific genders, who you could make more of a case about being straight explicitly.... (but who likes to do that?). I can't make any sort of case for Mitsuba being anything at all, in these terms.
if I'm also straight with you, I don't typically find it fun or interesting to place an identity label on any character-- it's not something I feel a need to 'check the box' for. I don't get anything out of going down a list of characters going "gay, bi, straight, bi, bi, ace, pan"..... If it's not relevant, it's not relevant. I can tell you right now I think Tsukasa would suck off Amane at a moment's notice if he were told to by Amane's own voice, and that I certainly think of him as madly in love with Amane, but its weird for me to think of him as 'gay'. After all, I don't think he likes Amane 'because' Amane is a boy, or is attracted 'to' Amane's masculinity, maleness in and of itself. And it isn't as if any other boy is on his radar, or any more relevant than a random girl. I think he's indifferent to everyone else and couldn't really put them on a scale of attraction at all. The axis of Tsukasa's obsession with his brother, is that he is his brother, Amane, and I think Amane could be anything, and Tsukasa would be loyal and obsessed with him. Calling him 'gay' misses the 'point' of his... single-target obsession. I also think sexuality is completely optional for Tsukasa, something he doesn't seek, crave, or know to want, does not ask for or fantasize about, until or unless Amane wanted it of him. He’s chill with if Sakura wanted to do a kiss, he’s also utterly chill with her saying no and doesn’t feel rejected (I think he COULDN’T feel rejected by her, or anyone but Amane). That is to say, he's ecstatic at just a hug or a pet on the head from Amane, he doesn't need more than that, though he's amenable to anything, even being killed. It's closer to the shape of a paraphilia than a sexual identity. It's atypical, and it just isn't attraction-based in the usual format. In almost every way, you can't compare Tsukasa to any human experience, as his life has been so very unique.
I wouldn't call Hakubo 'straight', do you feel me? He's an Oni, outside of humanity, and his entire identity is circling on the fact of his species, and, he doesn't fantasize about, crave, or have innate attraction to anything. He never had friends, or desires, or pleasure, at all. His relationship with Sumire is more to do with an interspecies situation, and their gender is quite secondary (and I would argue not important, or 'the point'). Sumire being a girl is doubtful to mean anything to him. I don't think he's meant to be anything, in that way. I don't think, straight, gay, pan, bi, etc, is interesting to use here. He's completely inhuman and we don't even know what an Oni's reproduction is like, but does that mean he's aroace? Seems absurd to me. It's not any human concept at all.
Let's look at Amane. I can't really call him anything, myself. He's even blatantly attracted to women-- there is countless art by aidairo of him fantasizing of girls at a maid cafe, or wishing the mokke mobbing him were onee-sans, or pestering ojou-san and onee-san for handshakes at the ayaka6 event, having girl-centric ero magazines on his person, sexually harassing Nene-chan, wanting to talk to Kou and Akane about cupsize, etc etc. But would I call Amane........... 'straight'............. I don't know. Shijima-san is right that he's a little unusual about his brother, and anyone can see that. I don't know what to call his feelings for Tsukasa, though. Platonic, but weird, strangely troubled, restless, something is being avoided by him. He also just generally doesn't meaningfully care for people, and I'll bet money that he literally has never wanted to date another girl before Nene-chan appeared like a phantom before him at Tanabata. He's weird. I don't know what he was like, when alive, beyond having no friends but his brother. He wasn't dating girls or fucking. I don't think he was thinking about this sort of thing. Whatever was going on at home was probably very overwhelming.
Most characters, I don't think they even have a clear, defined idea of their own sexuality.... among other things, they are teenagers, or isolated and without much life experience, so you could call almost all of them in the 'questioning' phase of life. That's fun, isn't it?
It's much more interesting to me to talk about sexuality outside of the boundaries of hardlined terminology, and instead talk about the entire lives and experiences of characters. I'm interested in what Mitsuba has been through, and why he chooses to look the way he does, and I want to know what he does like, and value. He's always criticizing and insulting everyone and everything. What on Earth does Mitsuba find sexy? Do you know? I don't know at all. Does he jerk off? Does he look at porn? Has he had a crush, before? All he wanted was to have any friends, it doesn't seem like he even thought further than that. Right now, he's only thinking about getting to be a normal human..... and how hopeless that is. What more does he want? Who or what does he want, after that? Mitsuba probably doesn't know, himself. He's overwhelmed in helplessness. I'd like to know anything more personal about him. I'm waiting to learn more.
your stock disclaimer on this post-- I don't care about my own sexuality, anymore. I'm 30 years old. In my pre-teens to young adulthood, I was a veeryyyy proud lesbian. In my mid-20s, I was vaguely 'pansexual', but still generally preferred femininity and avoided masculine presentation. I had a few NB partners. I settled for years into being 'pan/poly/aro'. Inexplicably I've wound up married to a boy. It's the last thing I ever thought would happen to me, it goes against my previous 'epiphanies' regarding my desires and attractions. My husband feels like the only boy I could ever love, but I love him more than anything in the universe. Anyway that is to say, I don't see sexual identity as something definitive or strictly adhered to, IRL or in fiction. It's only as definitive as an individual declares, and, nobody in this manga is declaring anything, so, it's not important to me to declare anything for them. I think being confused and murky about your attractions is normal, when you're young especially. Most of our cast doesn't have experience in anything. I don't think of sexuality as something like a religious epiphany you find the 'truth' about, but rather, mutable and fluid. So, I don't typically just think of characters as 1 known thing.
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big ol journal/life post
I am feeling . . . . a bit weird lately. I'm not like completely off track. I went on my first vacation in years (precluded by a terrible mental health week from both me and my partner, plus mandatory OT at work and still had to make costumes) so pretty much by the time I left for vacation I was a complete wreck. Luckily, I had an amazing time and I came back quite restored. It was still my birthday week (plus still have mandatory OT at work) so we still celebrated and took it easy when I came back. No working out, plenty of frozen food/eating out. My partner's mental health is still very hit and miss (mostly miss honestly, he is always fighting and trying and it's just never easy for him and it hurts my heart) and of course I still have mandatory OT for the foreseeable future. So I'm working 12 hour shifts these days (thankful for the holidays and vacation making that a little easier) but it still sucks and stuff. Just have a lot of little life stuff that needs to happen too. Like I have a physical coming up and I'm going to address my bleeding problem which I've been putting off for years and I'm very anxious and scared. And I need to get my records and send them to my HR dept for my healthcare discount. I still need to clean all kinds of things from the trip still, have costumes littering the house. My partner is struggling a bit and I'm incapable of just trusting him and leaving him alone. And at the same time he could use the support but with all the extra hours it's hard for me to help. He doesn't want me to, he didn't ask me to, I just fret over him. I'm constantly waffling and stressing about how much I should help him vs myself and how much me fretting over him actually helps vs hurts us both. Balance is hard to find and harder to maintain. We theoretically will get married in the next few months but I'm not even sure I can handle planning that. Or he can. The main thing he needs from me is my trust that he is a ln adult human who can handle it but sometimes he isn't and I make my life impossible by trying to both smooth over the edges to help him but not too much. I think the main problem is me not him though. And then there is the state of the world which I try to largely ignore so I don't get overwhelmed and kill myself.
I am dissatisfied with my eating habits the last few weeks. Vacation, birthday and thanksgiving (plus mandatory OT) has made it easy for me to over eat and indulge in almost anything at almost any time. It's been pretty shameful but I'm trying not to feel too much shame because it was vacation but it's gone on far too long. We are already half way on track with that it just doesn't feel that real yet. And my brother brought up carbs and stuff during Thanksgiving and it wasn't that bad and not judgey at all but I'm really sensitive to that kind of thing so now I'm here like "I am a bad person for eating bread and potatoes ever" and just trying to work through that and not go low carb because my bother said he didn't want to bring home rolls for tiny sandwiches because he tries to limit carbs. Also my brother is the only normal weight person in my family so it goes extra hard.
Anyway. Feeling kinda like shit. Feeling like I need to do 100000 things at once when what I really need to do is calm the fuck down and focus on work, maybe try for a workout today, and perhaps do one of my other tasks.
Ugh. Life is hard right now. At least I got that raise.
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How do you deal with or avoid artist block &/or burnout?! <8O
Hmm, I don't think I've ever really had 'artist's block', or at least to the extent people describe it. Or maybe I do and I just don't see it as artist's block, idk. I will say that what I'm about to say is comin' from the perspective of someone who ain't doin' it as a career and mostly keeps it as a passionate hobby.
I do from time to time feel a creative lull where I don't feel particularly inspired or have any real urge to draw, that's a completely normal part of bein' creative and it's unavoidable. I think also sittin' round and constantly thinkin' 'oh no I've got art block' only exacerbates the problem n doesn't help, it's just passive pessimism. Part of dealin' with it is acceptin' the fact you're in a lull and just, go off to do other things. Do other hobbies, play a new game, go outside, watch a series, read a book, anythin' that isn't makin' art basically. These art block periods are a good opportunity to search for new inspiration and I find eventually, either from doin' one of these things or just lettin' the creative lull simmer for a bit, you'll find a lil nugget that gives you an idea that you really wanna draw. There's gonna be times where you feel ya can't draw or everythin' that's comin' out sucks and that's fine, just take a break if you can.
Sometimes I still feel the itch to draw durin' these periods and instead of tryin' to make somethin' exclusively from my brain/original I'll do studies, animal portraits, fanart, basically just somethin' that isn't as mentally intensive as doin' entirely original stuff. That and also mindless doodling, drawing with no vision or goal in mind n just lettin' your hand draw what it wants to draw. Another thing you can try is different mediums, sculpture, 3d modelling, embroidery, ect. It's good for the soul to try out different things, and the good thing bout tryin' somethin' new to you is you can't expect it to be good, so it doesn't matter if it looks bad. Makin' bad art is good for you actually.
As for avoiding burnout, again I'm speakin' from the perspective of someone who isn't doin' this as my job so I only draw when I feel like drawin', which just happens to be pretty often. In fact not doin' it as my job is probably one of the best things I could've done in avoiding severe burnout, I did commissions for a few years and the burnout was Real (not to put people off from doin' commissions it just wasn't for me).
These days I feel I'm constantly operating on low energy and as a result I don't really do a whole lotta 'big finished illustrations' anymore, at least not as often as I used to. I don't really try to push myself beyond the energy levels that I have and as a result I feel I create stuff generally a lot slower these days than I used to, and that's fine! Just gotta accept it and move on. Also just doin' sketches is fine! Don't gotta do fully finished paintings n whatever all the time.
Also be realistic about your goals n projects, if you wanna make a 300 page comic n you haven't even completed a single 1 page comic then you're just settin' yourself up for failure. You can still have your 300 page comic idea but focus on makin' multiple much much smaller comics first, you'll feel a lot better and more motivated havin' completed many smaller projects than only havin' that one massive unfinished project loomin' over your head, and it'll train/prepare you for makin' that bigger project. This applies to any sort of creative project, comics are just on the brain right now. Bein' realistic with yourself n not biting off more than you can chew, n lettin' yourself have breaks helps with burnout a lot.
I also almost exclusively these days just doodle my characters, so it helps to just draw the things you really wanna draw, especially if you're just a hobbyist. Nothin' kills motivation more than constantly makin' yourself draw shit you simply don't wanna do.
This gotta kinda long but basically my advice just boils down to just chill out, creative lulls are normal, be kinder to yoself, hopefully somethin' in there helps ya out.
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Ive been thinking about my future employment schedule today lol
So obv no one can really live off sub teaching alone and I don't plan on doing that. I have a college lecture lined up in Spring so once I get that under my belt I can hopefully teach more lectures with sub teaching in between and all that. It would be ideal bc with the college lectures I have to be there certain times a day with the added grading/office hours/prep and all that. Sub teaching it varies but I'm really just babysitting lol
I was thinking of signing up to Rover and a house sitting site to fill in gaps lol
I just...have lost faith in the 9 to 5 work schedule and rather hop around with mini jobs with one major job (the college lecture teaching) that takes top priority. With the 3 (sub teaching, rover, house sitting) I have flexibility to accept jobs or not (depending on my lecture schedule)
It sounds perfect on paper and obviously it's easier said than done but given how many ppl need a dog walkers/pet sitters (esp boarding if you have your own place) and house sitting it should be fine with high and low "seasons" of work. Sub teaching once you hit multiple districts and make a "name" for yourself esp if you're reliable is kinda the same.
And when I start my PhD program maybe soon I can continue the flexible jobs and hopefully get a grad job (teaching as a grad student or just within the college I decide to go to you know) bc god I cannot do retail again if I can help it. However if I had to it's there.
Things that I need to consider is my safety and my burnout lol once I get a new car (more reliable - hopefully a used car again so I don't have to worry about a car payment yet haha) I want to learn self defense and how to correctly defend myself with a knife maybe (or any weapon). Then learn how to shoot a gun and work on that. I don't like the idea of guns at all but if im gonna be pet/house sitting for strangers' instead of just family and family friends I need to be prepared. Same with just in general protecting myself if something happens at the schools I sub for.
I'm slowly forming a battle plan and it's not like what most ppl my age do but maybe if the 9 to 5 office work style didn't suck so fucking bad idk. I always wanted to be in some sort of education or museum and it was never about the money but even a "steady" 9 to 5 wasn't paying me a livable wage AND no flexibility for a work life balance.
My last two jobs (one a 9 to 5 and 40/week paying me 17/hr and with some overtime nearly killed me during the worst of the pandemic. And the second job labeled as part time but I was there full time and doing the work of a full timer paid me 16/hr) literally made me feel bad for taking time off to go to the fucking dentist or when I was sick with covid. It was dehumanizing. My sister said once "well once you get a real job-" oh honey I HAD 2 "real" jobs...like what is a "real" job lmao? Both took advantage of me and had little reward. I also look at my sister's "real" job and she complains constantly like yea no job is without cons...but damn with my plan I hope to at least have some control of my down time/time to take care of myself.
and obviously certain jobs you can just say to your boss "hey I got a dentist appt on Wednesday so I'm coming in early but leaving early" or a way to work around stuff like that. My 9 to 5 job made it impossible for me since they refused to hire enough ppl to keep the work load manageable. If I was gone for a day for any reason my boss would have to do my job...bc no one else but him could have done it...on top of all his other duties like ??? how about hiring another person?? Only paid me 17/hr like come fucking on dude. I got benefits but the stress of the job plus the low pay wasn't worth it.
Same with the "part time" job I was actually working full time for them for 3 months bc the other person was gone for 3 months and then I was pulling long days for special events/fairs etc which again was fine but I was being paid 16/hr and no benefits. I request a week off for a vacation (non paid lol bc again no benefits) and I get laid off the first day I come back like ok? My loyalty was paid with getting laid off lmao ok
I don't how this will work out but I'm a lot more hopeful than any other means of a job. We'll see.
#personal#turned into a rant but seriously like im bitter lol#at the end of the day all jobs suck but if I can get to be flexible for my health I think that's far more worth it#esp since all the “career or stable” jobs paid shit and worked me like a dog#like I seriously could not get another job with the other two jobs bc they wanted all my time and energy yet didn't even pay me 20+/hr???#that's what gets me like everyone telling me “oh well get another job” bruh the main job would fire my ass if I did?!#“oh do a side hustle” bruh a side hustle would need time and money both of which I didn't have bc they took all my time and didn't pay me#hello??? HELLO?#also fuck you I like having down time if im gonna kill myself working I rather like what I do lmao
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Matty is such a mystery to me, I literally do not get it at all but like at least 75% of his fans are girls who are terminally horny for him, let alone all the gorgeous, talented, smart women he’s dated. It can’t even be just that he fucks good cuz (at least most?) of his fans have not have sex with him lol. I’d say it’s personality but they’re constantly posting pics and videos like “omg he looks soooo sexy I NEED HIM NOW please violate my human rights I would destroy everything and ruin my life and kill myself to be able to suck his dick just once PLEASE” and it’s a video of him looking like a junkie on the floor slurping on a raw piece of meat while touching his dick 💀 or there was one going around of him mouthing “open your mouth” then spitting into the camera lense and like it was mucusy i was legit nauseous from seeing it, but his fans were all like “wow he’s so hot I need him to spit in my mouth🥵💦” 💀💀💀
WHY ARE WOMEN LIKE THIS LMAOOOO
I mean ngl I think it's pretty weird to be like "I NEED TO SUCK HIS DICK" about anyone ever tbh like unless that's... your man... but I can see how that comes off prudish and tbf this current opinion has been precipitated by some random little bitch offering to suck my bf's dick like publicly which kicked off the period of fighting which led to the break because also lol he indulged it a bit more than I'd have liked and his defence was "oh but you make out with girls all the time and you hang out with your friend M and you two used to have sex" (and I was like "I mean M and I weren't friends for several years over the technical dispute of whether or not we actually did have sex but I suppose by the definition of this girl offered to suck your dick being an offer of sex then he and I *did* but like fifty bajillion years ago and now we just watch weird indie movies at the cinema and go for walks like I don't really think a 15 year friendship that had a period of benefits for like 3 months followed by not talking for a few years followed by a very normal friendship is really the same thing as you letting a strange girl who is offering to suck your dick sit in your lap mate, like I'm not sure those are comparable tit for tats and re the making out with girls fair lol I do do that but you've never once expressed an issue with it previously and fwiw don't even seem to be now because you're throwing my pretty chill but very long friendship with this guy in my face")
back to the original thing yeah idk I don't get the whole Matty thing man. He literally looks like... every guy in a bar who's in a crappy band. Matty's band isn't crappy but like then be into the music lol not... the man...
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