#but i cant control myself
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i dont like the idea that kids these days are doing their fandom rps with ai chatbots. that's how you're supposed to make lifelong friends as a weird really online teen.
#i was never really an rper of any kind it just did not do it for me#im like im sorry actually i cant do this collaboratively i need to be controlling all of the little dolls myself.#however homestuck rp deck epicmafia. now that was another story
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#🐉#personally im option 1 because at least if its the second one at least some of the fault isnt mine#i can live with being unable to control or predict other people#whereas if i cant articulate myself in the first place i feel a lack of self control. which i cant stand.
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In my search to become the best denial slut, I found this machine called the edge-o-matic and I can’t stop thinking about it. you attach an inflatable buttplug to it, and it comes with a vibrator. the software detects the amount of muscle contractions from your ass and shuts the vibrator off as you get closer to finishing. i just- i want to be tied up to that machine for hours, the entire time daddy is at work. I want him to come back home to see me crying and begging for him to fuck me and let me cum. I cant stop thinking about it.
#y’all it’s $500#and it’s 3d printed which lowkey makes me feel like I could make it myself#I cant decide if $500 is expensive or a steal lmao#female denial#0rgasm denial#0rgasm control#edg1ng#edge and denial#personal fantasy#k!nk community#bd/sm blog#bd/sm daddy#@nal#bd/sm dom#buttp!ug#inflatable
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omg au where only atsushi and dazai time travel back to idk dark era maybe a little earlier but whatever - anyway - dazai, for the most part, is pretending to be his old self but obviously they arent gonna let atsushi stay so atsushi runs away and dazai meets him half way and now he's keeping a little kid in his apartment (a few years earlier and it would have been a shipping container) and yeah
oda is delighted that dazai is taking care of a kid - ango is hella anxious
akutagawa does not know who this white haired boy is that sneakily approaches him and wants to hang out all the time or why dazai is suddenly weirdly nice (by dazai's standards tho)
chuuya just wants a drink
baby atsushi is taking the steps to befriend the ada - dazai still wants to mimic his two years on the run before joining the ada - but they have to keep oda alive obviously
hmmm what else - dazai doesn't allow them to just fix everything he's got some plan to mimic the original time line - just slightly to the left - and atsushi reluctantly agrees to not kidnap the akutagawas
atsushi really likes oda obvi and he's trying to make sure dazai and ango remain friends - even if this dazai is pushing against it becuz he's still dazai w/ the future memories
anyway
#shin soukoku#briefly and barely afldkjf but i cant control myself so#bungou stray dogs#atsushi nakajima#dazai atsushi#dazai osamu#bungou stray dogs atsushi#bungo stray dogs#bsd atsushi#bsd#bsd dazai#bungou stray dogs dazai#dazai bsd#dazai
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Silly sketches as always omg????
I think this big goober can only see with that main eye, rendering the body useless as hell in this situation </3 Two ways to be the head back: Just look randomly around, or his little tendrils and nerve go get it while he screams at his silly body, who knows
Plus paper sketches when I was taken away from paint <//3
I will draw more headless Majora, hes grounded Link can keep their head
#art#digital aritst#the legend of zelda#zelda fanart#fanart#link fanart#majoras mask#zelda majora's mask#majora's mask#majora's incarnation#skull kid#child link#Istg Majora is so silly for no reason I cant control myself
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I love your drawings Barnaby and Howdy from the royal AU. They're both so stupid and silly, I love it
If royal au was beaglepillar-focused, Barnaby practically ruined his plans of overthrowing the king because he can’t think of anything else other than that dog haisnxkssn
Except that it’s not beaglepillar-focused so all my doodles are just not canon to the plot 😔
#YOU WILL UBDERSTAND WHY I CANT SHIP THEM OKAY#SOON YOU WILL UNDERSTAND…#actually royal au’s lore made me ship them more but SHHSHHSSH i must control myself#welcome home royal au#welcome home#welcome home puppet show#krasytoonz#welcome home arg#welcome home fanart#welcome home project#fanart#welcome h#welcomeh#howdy pillar#barnaby b Beagle#beaglepillar#laughingstock#barnaby x howdy#howdy x barnaby
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me to myself at 2am: don't start another longfic before finishing the three ur already working on. i repeat do not start an-
my brain, talking back: b-but i have to
my hands: (already typing away the outline and first chapter)
#it just happens#i cant control myself#ao3 writer#fanfiction#fanfic writing#ao3#writing#writers#writers on tumblr#writerscommunity
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That interview where he was playing actually the most attractive creature on the face of the planet
#david dastmalchian#it was only supposed to be like 10 or 15 screenshots#but i obviously cant control myself and havent been able to in a long time#who gave him the right to look like that#the hollywood reporter
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it is not controversial to say that if you cannot finacially, emotionally provide for a child and/or your genetics would lead to them suffering then you should not have said child.
#anti natalism#anti natalist#antinatalism#antinatalist#seriously the amount of people who scream eugenics.#you have no fucking clue what eugenics is#you are screaming your support for children being born into already negelctful and abusive situations just for your own liberalism.#And guess what--animals in the wild who have genetic disorders dont get to pass on their faulty genes either#it isnt rude for me to say it. it's reality#and if you cant accept reality than thats even more reason you should nto be allowed to breed#i myself have endless genetic predisposures. schizophrenia diabetes heart disease arthritis.#even if i had the finances and wanted a child i know it would be COMPLETELY unethical to gamble with their life.#you all have gambling addictions and are control freaks
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imposter syndrome is a bitch
it can happen to artists you think are already enough or are skilled and great in your eyes
as much as it motivates us to improve ourselves and do better, its still not a pleasant feeling at all
its a persistent cycle of admiring someone who doubts themselves and i dont think its selfish to think that "you're not good enough"
because life has been cruel to us and for most of our lives we've been taught to "suck it up" or that we fear that our outputs are invalid in some way or mean nothing to anyone- the outputs that have parts of ourselves in it, even if it isn't meant to take a part of ourselves- it still came from us nonetheless
posts can easily say that you should be kind to yourself more but when it comes to trauma and something that's been with you since childhood, it's not as simple to shake off
it can take years and years- varies for every individual- and even then the people around you, the world and even yourself will change
as much as its awkward or a downer to see, be kind to artists who are hard on themselves. its not your obligation to give them attention. no, i dont think every single person who sees a vent post should come up to the person and be there for them to cry on their shoulder.
i just think at the very least we should understand that every single person you meet and the artists you admire are imperfect, and they will continue to think crappy thoughts about themselves- unlike in fantasies where its some simple character arc that is a story obstacle that can be overcome and forgotten about- fantasy is meant to be a fulfillment- a desire.
we are real human beings, but we can learn and grow and live.
#this is unfortunately why some of my friendships ended. this insecurity has controlled a lot of my life but im trying to break from it#often id see people with the bigger numbers and i tell myself to be better or if im not good enough. i cant help but feel that#“trauma isnt an excuse” for shitty behavior towards others? yes. but for people thinking crap about themselves and cant help it? not really#do you think i can be not sad at the flick of a switch? you assume i can emotionally cope well as much as everyone else simply? why?#anyway to all of my mutuals who think harshly of themselves. youre all alright. we are all here to have a good time. take things slow.#this might just me being silly neurodivergent again but there's nothing wrong with being careful like this. it *may* just be me after all#but who knows but me#thoughts
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just a couple of dirty bean boys!
#jacksepticeye#just like art#this was SO CLOSE to never being finished#art machine (me) broke halfway through but we did it#uni is............. going#even though im only doing 2 subjects im losing it man#i think its just ALL OF THE GROUP PROJECTS IM DOING#like my groups are fine theyre all sweet and nice but i just.#just let me do it by myself let me take 100% control without guilt let me only depend on myself doing it#im such a damn follower with group projects please itd be quicker if it was just me making my own shots instead of a second party coming in#and asking for my opinion when my opinion is always ''do whatever you want :)'' because i either dont mind OR i dont have the social energy#to say otherwise like theyd be fine with it but i just cant do it man i got anxiety of the social kind i cant keep going man i cant#i dont like feeling like im letting down other people or that theyre depending on me im bad under pressure#JUST LET ME DO IT ALONE AND ONLY DISAPPOINT MYSELF BRO CMON#the group projects are wrapping up soon so i cant complain but im screaming#besides that ive been good thanks for asking!
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Hello! I hope this ask finds you both well.
So, I mostly wanted to ask, what is you two's opinion on sky making most items iap lately? There's been very few igc stuff since some seasons ago and it's been disheartening for a lot of players. I don't see tgc acknowledge this in any way (if they did, you can show me, i often get things wrong)
Anxy: Thanks, I hate it (*hides the money reserved for said items*)
But I agree. It was actually one of the complaints that I wrote in the survey. Sky is getting more and more expensive and it's not looking good in the long run. I only convinced myself that this is better, buying something that you will get with 100% certainty, than wasting my money over gacha with little probability (*also hides the money reserved for genshin's welkin*)
Ymir: I also hate it! I understand why they do it, but I... hate spending more money on games than I need to. The last time I bought anything from sky was the little prince pass I think, and even then I was barely getting by.
Sky's current model is off of probably a push from investors ngl? but also just sucks for most people since they are leaning into pushing for people to either candlerun burnout orrrrr buying the candles straight up. I've used up many candles over the years on friends! I was a social little guy when I was most into sky!!
honestly the price going up pattern has been fairly steady since prophecy(as much as I hate to say it :( ) and I doubt it shall go fix itself entirely anytime soon... but I do miss the ability to just get everything I need in the seasons with weeks to spare... and the inbetweens being fairly long (I think they used to be about.. nearly 3 weeks?). I'm hoping TGC changes things around- I remembered when the iap having only one item without any other rewards deal first occurred and how upset everyone got. I love sky, but I can not deny the fact it has negatively affected me multiple times because of this specifically :(
I typically do complain to tgc when given the chance though, because of these changes are the reason I didn't play sky for nearly a year straight... and why I still struggle to actively play as much as I did.
#I'm a hypocrite if you cant tell -anxy#but i got my habits under control by looking at beta and weighing my wants - anxy#I am a strict 'if I dont find myself using it often.. I dont need it' type of person usually with spending on things -ymir#I do also play gacha games... but I honestly care more for the storylines. and play only really 3 of them? -ymir#my self control is... I grew up thinking anything over 5$ was expensive if it wasn't a need. and it still is for me ngl. -ymir#if I want to go mess around with the iap items: beta time I shall go once more -ymir
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ive made myself more wet and pathetic
#new icon because im SUFFERING. im in HELL#its so bad. i had to sign out of discord so now im both lonely and stressed#because i KNOW im still gonna get dstracted. i just did making this URGH#how good are brains at working around things. i once set a 7AM alarm on my phone with snooze cause i was so sure my brain would#be too lazy and keep snoozing instead of actually turning it off. but nay it either kept sleeping through the alarms and snoozing#or actually managed to turn off the alarm half awake that i barely remembered it and then waking up late#i actually have a track record of climbing out of bed and turning my alarm off without remembering. which is impressive bc i have a loftbed#the other thing is setting fake deadlines so make myself panic into doing things ahead of time. but unfortunately that doesnt work either#because if theres one thing my brain will put all its energy into remembering its self assurance. meaning i WILL be able to remember#the real deadline even if i try to trick myself. cant ask someone to give me a fake deadline either#the only things keeping me going rn is that i have deadlines due at least 1 day between each other and excitement being able to talk with#crow after break. but you can see how well thats going <- ignores long term rewards in favor of short term pleasure#BTW CROW IF YOURE READING THIS IM SO SORRY TURNING OFF MY DISCORD WITH BARELY ANY EXPLANATION#im a huge fucking dumbass and i had barely enough impulse control not to block everyone in my dms because i realized that would send a real#really bad msg. youre not distracting me im distracting myself and i promise youre not annoying me i just really like talking to you and#thats why im just barely stopping myself from signing in. I WANT TO TALK TO U LOTS BUT AT THE SAME TIME IM KICKING MYSELF FOR DOING IT#you can be a little mad at me btw cause i definitely could have done that better but i was all over the place abt how to do it without#making u think im ignoring you. IF THAT MAKES SENSE. SORRY#yapping#doodles#puppysona#edit but last week i tried to schedule and give myself work periods and break periods using my class schedule#and reminders on my phone to tell me when to start and stop. can you guess what happened
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late night cuddles
#coffee talk#hyde#gala#galahyde#hyde coffee talk#gala coffee talk#coffee talk game#art tag#you all are coming with me on the journey of learning how to draw them <3 enjoy#also did i go overboard with thr chest hair? maybe. i don’t regret it though he’s a werewolf let him be hairy#anyway i love that vampires in this universe dont have pointy ears yet here i am. because i cant control myself#i already hc’d that hyde was a cuddler when it comes to sleeping so it was nice of gala to confirm kt by compairing him to a cat thank you#they are just.. you give me a game with a vampire/werewolf bond im going to go bonkers over them .. chefs kiss#i like to think hyde is like a heavy sleeper because how else do vampires sleep for liek decades in coffins you know#i mean they probably dont in this game obviously but listen man shsjdkfk#and for gala i think he’s more of the opposite#because werewolves tend to be restless so just very light sleeper maybe even has insomnia too#overall i am rotating them so much in my brain .. like i just think theyre neat#also saw in the little pixle arts for the game that hyde has piercings as well ive never bene more happier in my life like YES.. YESSSSS
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#star!keri#vent art#💕♬♪ ♡☆ I just want to be your lovin' teddy bear 🌟🧸♬♪☆#im ok i just have a migraine and im overwhelmed and sad and i got triggered and augh#i miss the color pink.#this whole pic was gonna be all different shades of pink but then i couldnt do it#had to change the colors#i tried watching lars and the real girl by myself and yknow theres the whole pink room thing#im trying to associate it with barbie but god it just . feels fresh. had to turn it off#seeing my abuser twice in a short timeframe is kind of fucking me up :) hello. why do u exist and why do i have to see it.#but hey i did use SOME pink in here?? baby steps??? i feel stupid but whatever#you know pink used to be one of my favorite colors#i will get it back even if its gonna be an ugly fight the entire time#cant get into the ring and complain about getting hit. or however ryan phrases it#idk if that applies to reclaiming triggers but rahhhhh#if steven can be fine with papyrus after 15 fuckin years i can be fine with pink someday too#lars wouldnt think im stupid. i mean i'd hope not???? maybe he would. its stupid#its a really stupid trigger lol who gets scared of the color pink. me apparently#i get the fight or flight response when seeing a color or clothing or hearing phrases#i dont feel like i can function like a normal person even after a whole year#i feel like i am barely surviving and my entire life was taken away from me#and i cant do anything about it but just sit here with my heart ripped out of my chest#while my abuser is . fine. and has friends and family and support and alllll of my TF F/Os#and absolutely zero consequences for what she maliciously had done to me. okie dokie!!!!!#i feel like the last 19 months havent passed. i feel like i am not in my body sometimes#like i am a husk and someone else is controlling me but im actually dead or something#i dont feel like time is passing. idk how to explain it. i feel like my life is stolen#i feel like i am losing years of my life to trauma. like the ghost of me is left behind while the world is moving forward#everyone is present and moving but i am like... barely functioning thru flashbacks and nightmares and panic attacks#and i dont know when im ever going to fully escape the person who did this to me
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Most of the people I live with are gonna be gone all weekend and I think this is the perfect time to be as slutty as I want in my room bc I can't be interrupted 😌
I gonna try to edge myself all weekend and only let myself cum on Sunday, keeping my holes stuffed and teased all the time just to see how sensitive and worked up I can make myself :)
#ahhh#im usually so bad at this though#i always wind up cumming within a few hours bc i cant control myself#if anyone wants to send asks or dm's to help keep me in line 👀👉👈#i wanna be a good puppy#nsft#nsft puppy#nsft sub#dumb puppy#free use kink#ftm nsft#puppy sub#edgeslut#edge slvt#please#send tasks#send fantasies#send anons#dms open
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