I HAVE NOT SEEN THIS MENTIONED YET AT ALL HELLO
I’ve been thinking about this nonstop since the episode came out so I wanna point it out in a long rant about it.
There’s a leitmotif in mammon’s musical episode! To clarify, a leitmotif is a recurring tune associated with a particular character or idea. This one in particular is an excellent musical representation of Fizz’s character growth, and I’d like to explain why, because I’ve been obsessed with this and I tear up every time I hear this theme. IT MAKES ME WANT TO CRY
The leitmotif plays thrice in the episode. The first two are the same track, while the third is a variation of it.
The first time:
When Fizz is gushing about his passion and his dream to work with Mammon. There’s not much else going on, but Fizz is clearly in awe of his idol, as to be expected. He’s starstruck by the idea that he could have a chance to meet someone he admires so much. It’s a scene full of the wonder and excitement little Fizz encompasses.
And then the second:
When Fizz is communicating with the deaf fan! Oh god, oh god. I cried at this part, as I know a lot of people did too, because this part is so sweet and it’s so so important.
This is the reason Fizz kept doing his job. Because I think he realized that this fan looked up to him the same way Fizz did to Mammon. And, looking at him— the little guy has broken horns too. Just like Fizz.
Fizz sees himself in that kid.
Fizz has always wanted to put a smile on people’s faces, has always wanted to be the person kids look up to. And when he sees that happen, it’s probably what inspires him to keep going.
Now, what do these two instances have in common for the exact same track to play? I think that it’s a good emphasis on the kindness Fizz has when he’s a kid, and then, as an adult, the quieter gentleness underneath his stage persona.
Fizz is a kind person by nature, but the image that he has to maintain for Mammon’s brand is like— horniness and innuendos and sneering bravado cranked up to 11. So his audience never really sees the real side of him. The only time he gets to be more like himself is probably when a younger fan approaches him, which likely doesn’t happen a lot, considering the boatload of money you have to pay to even meet the performers, which I assume is added to what you’d have to scrape together to attend the event in the first place.
Another thing I noticed these two scenes have in common: The creepy fan’s appearance.
If you listen, Fizz’s leitmotif is overturned by an ominous shift in tone when the same obsessive fan shows up. I think it’s saying that even though there are undoubtedly positive experiences, they can very easily be overcome by the negative ones. Our brains are essentially hardwired to fixate on the negative experiences because of the possibility of the threat to safety. It wouldn’t be surprising if that’s what happened to Fizz.
Okay. Now, for the third and final time Fizz’s leitmotif plays:
Right after Fizz’s two minute notice. Right after he tells Mammon to go fuck himself.
This time, instead of the sweet and small melody with the subtle isolated instrumentation, it’s a fanfare. A full-force, fully orchestrated, trumpets blazing fanfare version of Fizz’s leitmotif. It’s kicking you right in the feels and it’s not hiding anymore.
It’s representing Fizz finally stepping into his own. Representing him standing up for himself. Representing his pride and his courage and him finally believing in his own self-worth.
And no one can tell me that it is pure coincidence that the music swells right at this moment.
Another beautiful thing is that the music is indeed cut off, just like the prior two scenes mentioned, but it’s by Fizz himself.
It happens when he finally announces what he’s been wanting to do after so many years of being manipulated, abused, and controlled. And for once, the decision he makes is all of his own accord.
And that’s because of the sheer amount of self-confidence and the courage he’s built throughout this entire episode.
Isn’t that such a beautiful thing?
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Question!
Phil mentioned a while ago that he can’t fly because the federation clipped his wings when he arrived. When Jaiden came by to show hers, he said that he wears the backpack to balance himself cuz his wings are messed up.
My question is what state are his wings in??? I thought they were just clipped but the back pack thing makes it seem like he has parts of the wing itself missing? Why else would he need the back pack for stability? Do clipped feathers make that big of a weight difference?
What did they do to bird dads wings????
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I used to take meds back then from autumn 2018 to autumn 2019. They were helping with paranoia, hyperactivity, impulsivity, anger issues, delusions, panic attacks, etc, you get the drill. They had good effects, such as me having been rather calm (to the point people were joking about how nothing could ever anger or scare me, lol), as well as more focused on writing or drawing things more than I've ever been in my life. But also they've made me so sleepy that I basically barely finished my last uni year when dozing off at every class, and I had a hard time providing the engaged, invested, "nerdy" conversations on every other topic like I do. I just quit them because not only being sleepy ALL the time would not let me work a job normally, but I also started to worry that I've been losing myself as a person. I was just so... detached and boring in conversations while medicated? Like you guys here know me as a person who is chronically like this:
But when I was medicated, it was far not this way. I was giving like... kinda tame and normie responses and thoughts, still excited but not TOO excited, etc. I am surprised that even while being a total slug on meds, I still had it in me to start fearing of losing my "eyes on the inside" xd
But I've been just thinking about stuff recently. I still loathe it when it is being handled like "you are a dangerous harmful monster that doesn't deserve compassion and trust and should be exciled from society", obvs, but the problem itself exists. I am kinda too intense, too much, too impulsive, my mood can drastically flicker within a second and flicker back just as fast. And I am paranoid. This year I even exhausted another paranoid person with being worse at it than them :/ (it always reminds me of a dream I had once, where Mic0lash of all people told me that I was "too crazy" for him fdshfh xD) I am extremely blessed to have friends and simply familiar people who accept and love me the way I am, but I am really starting to think that maybe I should delve back into it. That maybe something was wrong with the meds or the dose I used to be taking and I should try again. It is just really strange that being healthier would be able to "ruin" my passionate, nerdy, engaged personality. I've always been 'over the top' with how I think and with my creativity, even before any mental illness showed up, so sure it is just me and not any sort of positive symptom...? Like, clearly this is just my autism, not one of those other "mental illness" guys?
Well, all this talk is just in the scenario if I get enough financial stability to be able to afford monthly repackaging of meds. I am just having second thoughts on whether it is really a choice with no good option, and that maybe that previous doctor just made a mistake with prescriptions (could happen with anyone, even a professional). Or maybe I needed to demand trying something else but didn't. And I just assumed that "meds are a diabolic device to destroy a creative, nonconforming brain" (notice how it itself sounds a bit like a paranoid delusion, so clearly those meds were not quite helping with it lol). Not gonna lie, I am still scared that being calmer will kill the "real me", but at this point pain, paranoia and anger keep chopping away from my days and from my good experiences. And I can't control it.
But maybe I just should not have expected to hit the right way instantly, some people try out different meds for years before they find something that genuinely makes life better. Like maybe I got scared of how things have changed and gave up too soon, when I should have like, bugged doctor to try something else. I just want to believe that I don't have to choose between "being nerdy and engaged" and "stopping having panic/anger attacks that quite literally make me lose my mind". At least I gather enough optimism and benefit of the doubt to consider delving into it again, so there is something..
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Returning the ask: 9, 20 and 76 :)
Hehehe nice :3
Thank you for the questions :D The answers will be under the line because I am babbling x'D
9. Tattoos I want:
Oh boy I have way too many ideas :'D Like you I am not great with needles but having learned that some piercing placements and tattoo needles in general are not bothering me that much comparred to hospital needles on top of me loving the result enough to endure the uncomfortability of the needles for a tme I have found myself addicted x'D (that said my longest tattoo session so far has been 2 hours so I might change tune the day I try a full day session x'D)
Here's a list of ideas I have rn that may or may not come true (the ones with the asterix are the ones I have the most faith in will happen while the ones with the " at the end are ones where I need help from somebody else to get the idea across):
'Are You' written on my arm in Bojan's handwriting "
Lyrics from Cha Cha Cha under my chest (with some sort of visual on the chest itself - rn thinking of a fox in the bolero) post top surgery *"
SOMETHING from a talented artist in Finland * (this may seem vague and it is - the deal is that I have a date where I want to get a tattoo yet challenged myself to chose a flash or available design from an artist so to not overthink the design as I sometimes tend to do)
A fox with flowers on my right shoulder (a flash from an artist I like)
An eevee next to Flapjack on my left arm
A bulbasaur with spiked collar and/or bowlcut hair
Spirit with or without Little Creek from Spirit: Stallion of the Cimmarron somewhere on my left arm
A converse shoe with the words 'I lost my dam shoe' around it on my shin
Misteltoe branches around my rune tattoo on my left arm
The tree birds concept (x) over my right collarbone or on my right thigh
A candle under my left knee
My singer alias logo somewhere on my arm or leg
I've kept the explainations at the miminum here yet if you are curious about any of the ideas feel free to ask :3
20. Height:
I'm pretty happy with being able to say that I am around the height of the average Danish guy :3 (177-8 cm/5,10'') Tbh that is one thng I've always been very grateful for even before learning that I was trans :'D
76. Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn't?
Probably singing in front of people: When I was younger I was told by my mother and sister especially that my singing voice was shit and I believed them, and yet now I run to karaoke events lke a moth to a flame, sing tenor in a choir and make my own songs from time to tme. I love being proven wrong sometimes x'D
Another one is wearing a crop top or just in general having an exposed midsection out in public. This is another thing that in part has been influenced by my mother since she was very keen on putting me and her in a box together as 'people who were too big to be wearing crop tops'. (the other reason I never thought I'd do it is my own insecurities with my body that is influenced by gender dysphoria). This one I have to thank Käärijä and the kääryleet for debunking for me: Who cares if I am not 'the right size' for a crop top!?
I think that was it for now :3 thank you for the question yet again :D
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Fnafhs fans are so desperate for a little crumb from edo I hope she isn't playing everyone with this weird thing she's doing
Ngl I thought it was just an activity check to see who's still around but after I read this now I'm curious
But I also know that a few of us will go into group/chat that want to start a conversation but don't know howso they will start by sending a singular letter to get the other persons attention just to poke at them to see if it's a safe space with the other or more people
I used to have constant conversations with multiple people before back when I was younger and people were more anxious to even speak and obviously like the internet usually does (mostly with meme vocab) they'll mimic the person/people around that do the same thing and thus spreading the same actions
I know fnaf 2/fnaf movie did the singular letter thing in the minigame/ending referencing the minigame so since this is fnaf(hs) I am hoping she's doing this for good purposes because I too am desperate for more fnafhs and hope it's not just a check in post pattern
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