#but frankly they still shouldnt have the Ability to | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

girlwiththegreenhat · 2 years

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clearing up some things about the deviantart situation

in layman's terms, they are NOT using art uploaded to the website for THEIR on-site AI, DreamUp... by default.

HOWEVER!!

Your art can still seemingly get put through their AI, but I will get to that in a moment. This "opt-out for having your art used for AI training" thing is for third party AI's, generators hosted on other websites. Some of these models were trained off of random online art, including images posted to dA. The trouble comes in two parts:

The ability to opt-out of having your art available for 3P AI generation is opt-out, not opt-in. The ability to mass-disable this for all your deviations is not available yet, but "coming soon" - so if you want to disable it, you have to go through your hundreds, perhaps thousands of deviations manually. One by one. Art submitted to the website will not be fed into DreamUp unless...

Users can still tell deviantart's AI to generate images in the style of another artist. THIS is what the google form you have to fill out and have reviewed by a real person is for, they claim they will not use images submitted to the website as reference for their AI, but then how will the AI know how to generate images in those styles? You can submit your deviantart username and links to your other social medias in the form, so presumably they have a big loophole - they'll still let their AI look at art from your other social medias, and perhaps even your deviantart, if it's asked to. Sure it wont use your art unprompted, but it Will use your art if somebody puts your dA username (or Any of your usernames) in the generator and you haven't sent deviantart a form asking it Not to do that. Which is scummy.

There are a lot of deceased artists on the website who cannot opt out of either, because they are dead. So that's fun.

I've seen some slight misinformation but people are still coming to the right conclusions, this is a Horrible, Horrible update so please do whatever you think is right in regards to your accounts.

#liz blogs #deviantart #ai art #dreamup #like i don't think anybody's gonna be trying to generate images in the style of your dA from 2007 with 84 watchers #but frankly they still shouldnt have the Ability to #my archivist braincell says 'please dont delete your accounts' but my anti corporate braincell says 'BURN EVERYTHING'#'I WANT DEVIANTART TO GO UP IN FLAMES'

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onejellyfishplease · 6 months

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I am all about constructive criticism. I mean, how am I supposed to get better at writing/drawing if people won't be honest with me and give me tips to get better. I personally think that people who can't take constructive criticism aren't very bright. How are they supposed to get better at things if they don't listen to others who are just trying to guide them?

Also, I would love some more tips on how to make the shell better. If you are willing, of course. :)

I am horrible at drawing. I usually have to trace things to get a decent drawing. (For instance, I traced like five different things to make Mikey a pony.)

I'm so much better at coloring than I am at drawing. My writing needs work, too, but I'm getting better.

First of all, can I just say that you shouldnt worry about tracing art to improve your own (as long as u aren't posting it as soley your own but thats a whole other rabbit hole) I did too! It helps build ground work for a good understanding of anatomy and poses.

However there are a few holes in tracing. Forst of all it is quite limiting in the outcome of your work, as your art is stuck static in one pose. this can alkost hinder your ability to see things in '3D' and visualise objects for multiple angles. it can also lead to 'skin wrapping' , which i think is the hole you fell into here (and also a term i just made up now)

with the shell, you only coloured it within Mikey's trace lines - this caused the shell to loose a lot of its mass - making it look, quite frankly, not like a shell.

a way to improve on this is to look at more references of Mikey's shell in the show and its shape from different angles. this can help you get a good idea of how it should look, and it is a good idea to practice drawing it from these angles. this will improve your ability to think in a 3D space, (which is so darn hard, but seriously useful)

however, and you may have noticed this yourself, when you add new additions to the figure, the line art just doesnt line up! the line quality is different!

This is because the line you have done for the addition is Your Line. And we love your line.

so lets make the rest of the traced lineart fit into your style, instead of you fitting yours into theirs okay?

You may notice that when you trace art, the line work is just not the same, the lines are shakier than the original and it just doesn't look as good. this is not a reflection of your skill.

It is because, usually, (at least when I did it) you follow the original line so closely that it turns out shaky, probably taking your pen off the page a few times to take a break from the oen stroke. while the original artist did that line in one sweeping stroke.

a way to fix this, and make the line arr cleaner and more you, is to instead use the drawing as a very close reference. for example:

instead of tracing the exact lines of the art, merely trace the general shapes of the art. not only then do you add your own flair and gesture to the drawing, you are then more free to add more shapes to this sketch.

You can still use the reference drawing as closly as you want, but try to focus less on getting the exact lines copied, and more on the general shape. you linework wont be perfect the first time, it might be really messy compared to your usual tracing, and thats fine! you should see some of my sketches before i refine them!

But these will be your lines, theyll be smoother and more gestural, and overtime you will get better control over your penstrokes doing this.

Okay I cant really think of anymore to add here, I hope this helps! i think this was just one big word vomit lol. Keep drawing!! cause no matter what you do, as long as you are actively drawing you are always improving! dont be afraid to push yourself out of you comfort zone! who cares if it doesnt turn out the way you wanted it to? Its your art, You Created That with your Own Hands, and I think that is amazing.

#asks #animal-lover-forever #i really hope this helped #its always hard for me to articulate my thoughts like this lol #YOU ARE GETTING BETTER #YOU ARE ALWAYS GETTING BETTER #art help #i hope #rottmnt #rottmnt mikey #mlp

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acotar-shit-thoughts · 3 years

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MY RE-WRITING PARTS OF THE ACOTAR SERIES

*some acosf spoilers thrown in because i realize that SJM is writing a story so far removed from what i thought the story should go*

*a bit rant-y but i think this would have made the story more compelling*

i still think elain should have died in the cauldron back in ACOMAF and in my logic this would set of a story that will definitely heal and see powerful women who didn’t have power before be able to weld and rise up.

- nesta and feyre is over protective of elain and would do anything for her (and quite frankly elain’s personality is almost none existent. nesta and feyre are fantastic juxtapositions of one another and can carry themselves well)

- killing elain in the cauldron would up the stakes for both feyre and nesta (instead of making the only thing interesting about elain being likeable, gardening, azriel/lucien ships, pretty and agreeable, and bouncing back and forth between sisters)

- therefore forcing them to work together; push aside their personal bad blood for one another in the name of avenging elain

- through that process of strategizing and learning about fae and their own abilities (feyre’s high lord powers and nesta’s power she stole from the cauldron) they learn to appreciate one another. (and since this is a love story, nesta can still train with cassian but it would be BECAUSE SHE ASKED TO BE TRAINED instead of being forced to)

- they would eventually HAVE to confront their deep personal relationship to one another and move pass their old pains (INSTEAD OF MAKING FEYRE ALMOST DIE FROM SOMETHING THAT SHOULDN’T BE AN ISSUE OR ANY OF THE SPITEFUL SHIT THAT HAPPENS IN ACOSF)

- we learn about their family and their dynamics and how they can agree that their father is trash and even talk about the pain their mother gave (where BOTH SISTERS WILL HAVE AN APPRECIATION OF EACH OTHER AND MAKE SURE WHEN THEY HAVE FAMILIES OF THEIR OWN THEY WON’T TREAT THEIR KIDS THE SAME WAY AND EVEN HELPING HUMAN FAMILIES WHO STRUGGLED LIKE THEM)

- no locking anyone up!!!! the self sabotage of nesta won’t happen because she will put her energy into avenging elain; thus fighting for a bigger cause than herself and make her actually use the power she stole. SHE WOULD HAVE AGENCY. NO RELYING ON THE DRINKING/SEX BECAUSE OF PAIN TROPE. NO RHYSAND BEING A FUCKEN DICK AND EVERYONE SHIT TALKING TO NESTA. they can still have that disagreeable dynamic, whatever but rhysand being over protective and everyone else ganging up on her was disgusting and she did not deserve that.

- WE WILL SEE THEM BECOME LEADERS -- they will lead the strategy along w the IC; we will see them lead with the other high lords, we will see them convince the humans. we got glimpses of that in ACOWAR! SJM writes girlbosses which is just *rolls eyes*. lets let these ladies actually LEAD. let them actually have power instead of writing lip service for that. or taking their fucken power away for the drama. (WTF WAS THE FEYRE CAN’T HEAL BULLSHIT?? WHY STIFLE FEYRE WHEN SJM BUILT HER UP IN THE LAST FOUR FUCKEN BOOKS TO BE THIS POWERFUL FIGURE BUT LIKE GIVING BIRTH, A NATURAL THING THAT FEMALES CAN DO, IS GONNA KILL HER AND MAKE HER THE MOST VULNERABLE SHES EVER BEEN AND MAKE RHYSAND LOOK LIKE A SHIT PARTNER CUZ HE REFUSE TO TELL HER ABOUT HER RISKS. JUST FOR THE DRAMA I GUESS???)

- when war is fought and lost; we see them stand together to become the new leaders of the new world. the wall is gone and hybern is killed. again, we got a glimpse of that in ACOWAR at the end. there should have been a moment when fayre confronts tamlin and TALK to him. they seemed so poised to be LEADERS. new leadership because the old high lords are garbage and they fucked up so many times. introduce new policies, introduce new trade deals, beef up economies (esp since this is hyberns main reason to high up prythian), etcetc.

- feyre can work on leading night court as a high lady along with leading the rebuild of spring court (since she fucken wrecked it, displaced all the citizens, and took it from tamlin. feyre also knows about spring court’s rebuilding effort and how the tilthe isn’t it. she even said that tamlin should not make ppl bring useless things because they have so many things. the water folks dont have fish and that tamlin should have helped them hunt for fish or whatever instead of punishing them) and the new laws and policies for humans (can be intigration?? rhys and feyre talked about human refugees??? where did that talk go??). we can actually see feyre be a HIGH lady instead of her spending her days shopping and decorating and breeding (WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT WOULD HAPPEN WITH TAMLIN and we saw that as a bad thing!!! why spend 600 goddamn pages talking about not being that to turn 180 and be exactly that????)

- feyre’s reason for fighting has also been to the benefit of the human realm. the fact that she kind of said fuck it as the books progressed to where nesta or elain are the ambassador to the human realm felt so wrong because being human once was what was special about feyre. that was her north star. her whole heartedly identifying fae is wrong (maybe this is my theory about ACOTAR being a tragedy comes in).

- nesta would finally be an actual queen. you can’t tell me with all the mentions of nesta having queen energy is gonna translate to whatever the fuck it was in ACOSF??? nesta would get leadership experience. she would have purpose! she might even be able to envision of brighter future and fight to not let something like hybern happen again. protect those who can’t be protected? protect those who see the light in the world the way elain did?? maybe even her power can protect the cauldron and she could be a guardian or something??

- this is where i venture off; after the war, feyre leads the rebuild in prythian. nesta can lead the effort in hybern (AGAIN NO LOCKING UP!!! NO TAKING TIPS FROM TAMLIN’S HANDBOOK. NO FORCING HER AGAINST HER WILL!!!). she could rebuild it in a new name and face. her book could focus on her learning about her power; learning about how to please the hybern folks who dont like her (and i like that nesta isnt a likeable person from the start unless you are someone like meeeee). imagine seeing her ACTUALLY make her own friends and have her own inner circle??? imagine her making new friends and helping others. imagine her ruling??? making policys and laws?? imagine her going to different courts to do economic trades and deals?? she would channel her energy into something HELPFUL AND IMPACTFUL. she can still dance and do the big ball stuff. she can host she can feel like shes in control and maybe even channeling her guilt into something that is systematically helpful.

- along w this, cassian would be able to leave night court. he has been side line for so long. hes a buffer between mor and az and thats unfair to him. hes his own person and shouldnt be deligated to that task. he would have to actively choose nesta, which he wasn’t doing throughout the original trilogy. he would have to be placed in an environment outside his comfort! cassian is so much more than a goof ball and buffer. besides his skills might be necessary to handle hybern’s war-happy citizens

- we can see more of this world. hybern is sitting empty and the problems from the start still exists. im just so disappointed that SJM drops hints of scocio-economic problems that exists in the fae world and dont deliver. why deliver something so complicated to ignore??? its such ashame this world is so rich and beautiful and the characters are so fun to read about and for it to be turn out...so....trope-y (IN A BAD WAY). the original stories are fine too i guess, but it doesn’t feel planned out. it feels like SJM writes on a whim and just changes things as she sees it fit the relationship of characters.

#acotar #anti acosf #acosf spoilers #anti sjm #rewrite acotar #nesta #queen nesta #high lady feyre #cassian #anti acotar

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littlebabycrybtch · 3 years

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bro..... im sooo tired of ppl being whiny freaks about ppl liking fictional shit ‘~too much~’. like bitches are literally fully convinced if you prefer acting out certain ideas in fiction but not irl, thats not your normal preferential boundaries but rather your brain is a mental illness BOMB and you need to be fucking hospitalized for being imaginative and having autonomy. like yall if its not taboo or smth shut uuuuhp man you’re not ‘concerned for their health’ or w/e you’re fully just tryna get away with being a nihilistic asshole who lacks sympathetic reasoning skills. listen to me. fiction is valuable. the thoughts we have on it are important. the personal lack of value you happen to put on a media is next to worthless. its not a fuckin waste of time dude, creators are people, who live in the real world, they experience it and have ideas through it and about it, they form and tweak their ideas while still definitely existing in the real world, and then put that back into the world with a new angle and new perspective, to share with other people definitely encountering it in , you guessed it , the real world. thats not disconnected. its not nothing. these things do not magically appear from fairytale land, they are created. stories mean smth, people tell them for a reason, its ok to feel smth for any story, why would we even tell them if not with the intention to impact others emotionally somehow i mean??? fiction does not Just affect reality, it is valuable to real life society, it is a functioning thriving part OF reality.

humans have told stories since the dawn of our existence. it is literally all but an inherent species trait for us to imagine things, its tied to each and every one of us, and to reject ‘fantasy’ as smth worthless to human life is frankly just fuckin wrong and weird of you. bitch we are Supposed to get outside the box, the fandom ppl you cringe your pants over arent thinking abt fake shit too much, you guys very often just arent exercising abstract thought and imagination enough, which actually hurts your ability to engage with it critically in all the ways its meant to be. if you dont see the value in fiction its because you put in no effort to form the analysis skills. in other words, you idiots dont get the hype bc you’re too stupid to get how you're supposed to compare a book to the real world it came from. ‘uu but cmon not everythings valuable what about [tumblr designated cringe media]-’ 1. ok! somehow you havent come to this conclusion yourself yet but thats not real, whatever ppl get to enjoy is not all abt you, your bias means less than dirt to others outside of hivemind social medias, you can keep it to yourself, ppl shouldnt care about it bc it means nothing outside of ur own space, its literally funny to me that you’re so elitist you want me to cater my interests to you, Your Standard Of Quality Isnt Universal, 2. ranking the values of fiction is the waste of time here, if you compare mlp to pride and prejudice ill dissect your teeth, different emotional impacts from tragic to funny to Just A Vibe are all able to be assessed as ‘valuable to somebody else so leave well enough alone’ if you dont have 2010+ funnyman brainrot disease that makes you incapable of reflecting on anything you can find a way to joke abt first.

i mean seriously like. whenever randos start engaging with medias you ppl dont like or in ways you dont get, the strawmans yall make up to get to be cringe culture vultures abt such benign shit, and almost Always at the expense of neurodivergent people with a deeply rooted undertone of extreme ableism might i add..... its just so selfish. u have a brain ok, you’re manipulative but we both know you dont Actually think ppl automatically default to being a waifu obsessed incel rotting away at their basement computer, stagnating their social skills and straying further and further from reality with each passing day, a poor disturbed wretch that you just HAVE to save from themselves, all bc they say they. prefer fictional porn or w/e to having sex irl. buddy thats not a big deal, theyre normal, just different from you. theyre fine, you’re just uncomfortable. as a functioning adult you’re gonna have to try and recognize that sometimes that feelings gonna be 100% on you, and you cant always just lie abt the validity of it to make ppl feel obligated into agreeing with you. this is gonna be one fragment of their personhood and your self obsessed brain imploding over how unrelatable that is doesnt fucking matter, grow up bitch like. how detached do you have to be to think thats so unstable or morally wrong.... its just a completely inconsequential preferential decision that only affects them and isnt a wrong choice at all cuz nobody has to get their dick wet if they dont wanna for any reason ever and thats gotta be that tbh.... and it kills me cuz they still inherently experience the real world and are capable of thinking abt it critically,,, even tho they... masturbate to drawings or w/e the fuck ppl think is unhealthy ???? like? imagination is just fun we dont need to moderate it anymore than we moderate other fun activities i mean lol ksdjfsd this is the DEFINITION of ‘just vibing’ no one FUCKING cares and it deosnt fucking matter the way you desperately try to make ppl think it does just so u get to be loud abt ur shortcomings as a decent understanding person.

‘uuuuuu im sorry but thats unhealthy :///’ you sound like a goddamn maniac dude stories are not unhealthy having feelings abt them is not unhealthy thinking some anime bitch that was DRAWN TO BE HOT , IS HOT, is not UNHEALTHY and you clowns arent convincing anybody you ‘care’ abt that concept anyways !! im losign my mind here skdlsdfsd medias are literally DESIGNED TO DO THIS TO PEOPLE... WE’RE SUPPOSED TO FEEL THINGS FOR IT.... IT IS WHAT MAKES THE ART WE’VE TAKEN PART IN FOR CENTURIES, “ART”.... ITS JUST... HAVING IDEAS AND EXPERIENCING IMAGINATION..... whats wildly unhealthy actually is yalls toxic obsession with ‘harsh truth’ and validating your stupid ass cwinge feewings to the point where everything that gives your underdeveloped selfish ass hives has to be a matter of health and morals and whats ‘best’ for everyone. u dont know that shit!!!! ur a petty brat and im not ur mommy ok i wont baby you so u dont feel like the shitty whiny person you are, you need to grow and do better and think outside urself already, dont put the responsibility of making u feel right for judging somebodies benign hobbies on me. i wont bc its wrong and unnecessary. you’re not a savior no ones falling for that lmao you’re just a bitch girl xoxo get over it shit truly does not matter. let them write nsfw self insert fics instead of banging !!

to make it real do yall really not Get that basic consent kinda doesnt just mean ‘no when im not in the mood at the time’ but it means ‘no if i just dont fuckin feel like having sex ever for literally any reason at all bc i choose what i do’ and pressuring them, even with what your warped brain translates as the best of intentions, is inherently disgusting? especially with the ‘i know how to help you’ attitude like......... ohhh die soonly ew lmao! lay off this nasty shit already please it doesnt matter! stop trying to make it matter!! its not hurting you or them you stupid tumblr phd ass!! and like again yeah some media shits just truly gross but tbr now its like even That kind of shit, the Real social issues caused by Actually problematic media that ppl should discuss Genuinely without ulterior motives, is being used more and more rampantly as just a stepping stone to get to the needless mockery of other harmless things in the media they want an excuse to bag on.......... like a bitch cant just be grown and talk about problems at face value without getting a bully jab in. smhhhhh you all fuckin suck please just stop talking already. so anyways yeah being attracted to fictional characters instead of real people or w/e IS funny, funny how many boyfriends they have when u have none xoxo theyre having fun and you can die sad abt it they get to die 5 times in an angsty fantasy fic and be brought back with mouth to mouth by fuckin kakashi every time and then they go get lunch irl while ur updating tinder bitch ... different fucking strokes ig !

#long post//#i would like one free ticket to pop off please. thank you #can i cash it in immediately if you dont mind

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conflictedpagan · 4 years

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Tarot... tarot... I shouldnt believe in this at all, right? Because, to most people, cards have no ability to divine the future. And it's absolutely a bunch of whack.

Right? RIGHT?

...

... ...

Well about that...

Sort of. A card can't tell the future. But after doing some online tarot readings myself, I still believe they can't tell the future. They can make you think about it though. In a meditative sense. They can make you self reflect on what you're concerned about. What your current worries and anxieties are.

•••

I did multiple online tarot readings, and the meanings were just vague enough I could correlate them how my life is going right now.

This is just one of the several. And frankly, although I don't believe these cards are the secret I needed to unlock my destiny or anything like that. They did make me stop and self reflect. Which I've had trouble in the past with.

The Emperor made me think about my conversion to paganism. And how I've finally achieved a modicum more of happiness than I had previously.

Judgement made me realize after we're allowed to go outside again, I get a new start. I get to find a new job. I've paid off my financial debt, and I can finally relax.

Temperance made me think about how I'm generally poor with life changes. And Pandemic 2020 has definitely been a huge life change. What with everyone staying indoors. I'm trying to be more flexible. But it's hard, and something I'm working on.

The Tower made me think about this forking pandemic again. Because as someone who loves sushi, Thai, and Italian food, I'm seriously craving it. Obviously there are bigger issues at stake. Much bigger. But frankly, covid-19 is just a huge setback in general.

The Magician... I haven't really met anyone since I've been stuck in the house for the past month and a half. After deep self reflection, I'm going with "this card isn't particularly applicable right now".

And finally... Death.

That's a bit morbid, seeing as it's my supposed outcome. But, this card is apparently about a fresh start. This pandemic is nothing but a fresh start. As I stated earlier, after this pandemic I have a chance to start over. And frankly paganism itself is a fresh start. It's like a breath of fresh air.

•••

Now, I suppose I should clarify that all of this is stuff I already knew or felt. But using the cards as a meditative tool, helped me focus my thinking and made me realize how much potential for a brighter future there truly is.

And I'd like to reiterate, I'm new to all this. Maybe this was really obvious to everyone else. But I feel pleased to have figured something out.

●●●

I'd also like to state, if you believe in the power of tarot. More than I do. That's okay. If it betters you and the world around you, that's 100% absolutely fine. And I'm happy that you've found something that makes you happy.

#conflicted pagan #paganblr #pagans of tumblr #pagan #paganism #tarot #tarot cards #meditation #self introspection #might not be whack

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butchwherewolf · 4 years

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I get that it sucks that people are still being forced to do class work right now, and people have more pressing things to focus on. But a lot of seniors already have concrete plans after they graduate, like jobs or grad/med school, and everyone paid for this semester already, so we can't just put things on hold. Good professors (and hopefully people looking at transcripts later) should be understanding and more lenient, but as a grad TA I will say that we're pretty limited in what we can do.

thanks for the ask but bold of you for assuming that i, a senior in my 5th year of college, don’t have plans for after graduation. bold to assume that i also am not upset over paying for this semester and all of the various expenses that come with being at college. im at a point where i frankly don’t know where i can get a job with graduation coming up in a month with this pandemic still happening, and i know im not the only one. (but that’s not the topic being discussed here, so, anyway)

my tags came from my own experience and gripes that i have with my current professor who is notoriously a poor professor and is, quite literally, the only professor to teach this class to over 400 students every semester. im sorry if it seemed like im complaining about doing work and if it came across that way, but it’s really rude to assume that i, a college student who has worked my ass off, like so many other college students and people in general, am complaining about being forced to do class work. i don’t know you and you don’t know me, and because of that we both don’t know the life, work ethic, or any other aspect of the other’s personality. because of that, there’s absolutely no reason for you to make that assumption and think that im someone who is complaining that i have college class work. im not. also, no where, NO WHERE, have i said that i want the semester to just be put on hold. again, if that’s how you understood my tags, fine, that’s my fault for not making my opinion clearer, but i absolutely am not asking for that.

i am also not saying that good professors are the people that i have issue with, or TAs or anyone like that. like i said above, my issue is with my professor and the experiences that i am facing. do i know everything going on behind the scenes? absolutely not. however, i do know that this professor, who has all his lectures already prerecorded from years prior, does have the ability to, at the very least, ensure that he tries to help his students and try to maintain the original class schedule through online lectures. to me, it feels insulting and like the class is being treated like it’s worthless, as going from a class that was a 3 hour weekly class down to 1 hour for the rest of the semester is not beneficial for anyone. additionally, i don’t know how lenient he will be, but as it stands, he has made no effort or communicated this to any of the students during class.

I also am witnessing friends who are getting hit with multiple essays, midterms/exams, homeworks, etc. all within a span of a week. that’s frankly ridiculous, and knowing that this is happening in other colleges and universities is a slap in the face to all students. professors should be trying to help students as best as they can in these times. in my opinion, i don’t see why a professor wouldnt try to reevaluate their syllabus in order to help the students during a literal fucking pandemic by making some essays optional, or altering the grade scale just slightly, or at the very fucking least, take into consideration what their students are experiencing right now and trying to be a teacher and ensure that their learning environment and class will be beneficial instead of trying to fluff up their class grades or acting like everything is normal. it is not.

maybe you, as a grad TA, have a different experience. and that’s fine. but also, your professor and class are not the only ones that exist. i am speaking from my experiences and the things that i have seen my friends experience all within the past 2/3 weeks. and yknow, i probably shouldnt have answered this with more than one sentence, but the fact that you decided that this was a good ask to send is rather insulting. i shouldnt have to support and stand up for my views and opinions on a course that i am taking to graduate, in a class that is being taught by a professor that i have dealt with semester after semester because of him being the only professor for these courses. i am speaking from my experiences, and while i appreciate you attempting to expand my view further, please don’t, and realize that what we experience are not the same.

#Anonymous

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miranda2282-blog · 5 years

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12.27.18

So i havent been journaling every day because i tend to be stuck inside of my head too much which isnt a good quality for me to have. I am always a swirl of constant thoughts and chaos. Assessment and reassessment. Honestly its exhausting and I have no idea how my brain doesnt look like a piece of melted plastic at this point. 🤔😅

I am doing better. I was pretty suicidal there for awhile. Very down. Everything was hard for me and I was struggling to push through and just have the desire to continue on. However i kept watching videos. Learning about myself and researching emotional abuse and abusers and realized that living in the past was only hindering my ability to move forward. Its not that I dont regret what happened with every fiber of my being. But its that regret should be a lesson not a death sentence. Or an anchor.

So. With that being said. I am moving forward. The knowledge has shattered me quite frankly. But i am picking up the pieces quite gently with a far better understanding of how I came to be formed to be. And a far better understanding of how I can work to mold myself into a different, healthier person.

My ex still talks to me. And i still love her. So its a strange thing for me. Part of me feels like I shouldnt talk to her at all after the way that i made her feel. But when i do talk to her I am very open and honest about the way we communicate. I am always sure to explain how I come across, be conscious of her feelings, and I am always very aware to stay within appropriate boundaries. Sometimes I have crossed a few times without thought. But i have recognized myself and apologized. She told me it must not be fun walking on eggshells. I told her there was nothing wrong with being aware of how you come across or being conscious of the other person's feelings with who you are communicating. However its still difficult for me to talk with her. As i imagine it is for her to speak with me. She has finally started the process of speaking to a doctor about her depression and is maybe looking into therapy and talking to a psychiatrist. I am happy for her. I want her to be happy. Even if it's not with me.

Its strange because there have been people who I've talked to who have told me Ive accepted the label too willingly. People who say that I cannot be that way. People who want to fight for me to not be. But I've researched. And with the issues I have. Bpd. Ocpd. Generalized anxiety disorder. Bi-polar. Depression. Panic disorder. Control has always been a central factor for me. Growing up in a home with an alcoholic father and an absent mother. I yearned for control. I wanted it. I needed to know every aspect of everything. Combine that with my fear for everyones saftey (anxiety) and my fear of abandonment (bpd) and it became quite the toxic combination. It doesnt mean i wasnt a good person. Or our entire relationship was awful. It wasnt. But it wasnt all good either. Especially this last year and a half. I was. And denying it does nothing.

I think sometimes of how we become a product of our environment. And i think about the way i grew up. And the fact that im 28 years old and just now realizing all these things about myself. And just now realizing that i was never loved the way you should live someone else. So i never learned how you really love another person either. It's a strange concept to think you can want all these good things for someone. Think they're the most beautiful person you've ever seen. Fall in love with the simple things about them. Like their smile, their hands, their freckles, the way their hair feels through your fingers, the shape of their shoulders, but you never learn how to really apply these feelings. Because they're buried under all the wrong lessons.

#journal #personal #divorce #emotional abuse #bpd #bipolar #anxiety #depression #actually ocpd

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positive-lesbian-vibes · 7 years

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Have you ever felt kinda... regretful of your lesbianism? I could really use some advice. A while ago, a boy I'm good friends with said he loved me and asked me out. I didn't feel bad when I told him I was a lesbian, but I've since... Wished I could have said yes. I know I could never be happy with a man and I'm 100% a lesbian, but I feel like everything would be easier if only I could just be straight. I know it's childish, but it just feels so unfair. Any advice on dealing with these feelings?

i definitely know what ur going thru, anon, and i wish i could say ive never felt the same or that i never feel that way now, but i think its easy to look at straight people and wonder about what could have been and how much easier it would be. i know i was in denial for years about loving women bc i knew how much easier my life would be if i didnt, so i decided i wouldnt (im sure you can figure out from my lesbian blog that that didnt work out too well)

what i also know, though, is that realizing you arent straight (and im sure realizing you arent cis, also) changes you. if i was straight, i would be a very different person than i am today. i would be much less compassionate, more self-centered, less open to others’ ideas and perspectives, more closed minded, and i would know a lot less about myself. there are endless hardships that come with being a lesbian, and oftentimes there is pain that can almost feel unbearable

to this day, every time a man expresses interest in me, i still try to like him back. i still hope that he will be the One Man To Change Me, that i will be straight for him (which um. even if i did like a man that would just make me bi not straight lol but ??? u kno how it is) and live the life i was meant to live, and be the way i was meant to be.

but neither you nor i were meant to be straight. and yes, things would be a million times easier for the both of us if we were straight. but we arent. we cant be, and quite frankly, we shouldnt be. it isnt who we are. trying to change that is impossible, and isnt your lesbianism a wonderful part of who you are? realizing i am a lesbian has changed my entire worldview, and im sure its impacted you, similarly.

yes, maybe things would be easier for you. but maybe then you wouldnt be as compassionate as you are now, or as open-minded, or as caring, or any other positive trait you have gained from your own struggles with who you are. there are some things that can only fully be understood through experience, and your experience as a lesbian gives you a unique perspective and experience that not that many other people have. and has it at all impacted who you are today? how has your lesbianism made you a better person? how has it made the lives around you better? how has it increased your ability to connect to other lesbians, even if only online, despite the isolation?

i know “focus on the positive” isn’t a fix-all and is much easier said than done. but as im sure you know, there is no point in wasting time regretting a life that was never yours.

good luck, anon

#anonymous #ask

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bicodeofhonour · 5 years

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imo one of the many cool things to come from Spider-Verse is that folks are just unveiling their Spidersonas and that’s a trend I can jump on.

[no pics cuz I cant draw....yet.] Her name is Roe Mack, she’s black and 5″9ish in height.

her super hero alias is: The Spider

her outfit is more like Miles’, she’s got plain black leggings to start with and a short sleeve hoodie with the black and red webs colour scheme but the main Spider insignia is Silver. She’s also got the Mask but hers leaves her mouth and chin uncovered. she’s typically got a protective suit under the main fit, one that she designed herself.

she’s 17 at this moment, and she’s been doing this Spider thing for three years, basically since she was 14.

tw for cannibalism mention under the cut!

Abilities: spidey strength, crawling, spidey sense, the usual. And, when she eats anything alive she can copy it’s abilities for a limited time. eg, if Roe bit a mutant and tasted their blood she’d have their abilities for about 24 hours. how long she can keep their skills and how much of those personal abilities she’d be able to use really depends on how much she eats. her teeth are very sharp. her stomach is pretty strong so she’s immune to most if not all ingested poisons/toxins.

the main Backstory: Roe’s an orphan, grew up in a foster home til she was 5 until she was fostered by her universe’s May and Ben Parker, this lasted until Peter Parker was born and his parents died and the couple knew they had to take him in but couldn’t support two kids . Roe was painfully sent back to the Home when she was 10 and Peter was 3. Roe understands why it happened and doesnt hold anything against the Parkers for their decision but feelings were hurt, so as much as she knows May and Ben still love her she doesn’t let herself think too much of them as her parents. Then Ben is assaulted by Oscorp operatives for “digging too deep” as a reporter and Roe is 12 when she’s dragging his body to the closest hospital after finding him in an alley on her her way home, sitting there til midnight covered in his blood waiting to hear the final news of his death. She calls May on a payphone nearby to break the news, and in the midst of the grief Roe has never felt more guilty in her life. A year later and Roe’s waist deep in whatever the fuck Oscorp is into, ready and willing to stick her head under water to find out why Ben was murdered but then she’s bit by a freaky spider and this is really why thirteen year olds shouldnt feel tasked with hunting down their parent figure’s murderers. Upon the realisation that the waking up very much not in her room and the constant hunger, and sudden flexibility and speed and. stickiness. has more to do with the spider bite than the trauma and exhaustion and such of the last year, Roe re-evaluates some things. (at first she’d thought she was a mutant, one visit to the school on a particularly . eventful day, had her praying she was wrong.) At the insistence of a (very worried) May and an equally concerned nurse Rio Morales (who is frankly sick and tired of seeing this child younger than her own son constantly in need of medical attention), Roe takes it.. easy for the next year, applying to a good school, working out her powers, doing some therapy and enrolling in self-defense classes. New York already has heroes after all, it was childish for a 13 year old to think they could change anything by infiltrating the Osborn household (as a babysitter... long story). Then on yet another world ending crisis day Roe makes the realisation that her new-found abilities can help her prevent the worst case scenario for other people and suddenly she’s leaping into action as the Spider.

which is at first as fun as it can be, until Roe makes a startling discovery of one of her abilities - if she consumes something alive she can take on their features for a limited time. lets not talk about the exact circumstances in which this discovery was made. deciding the pros outweighed the hints of cannibalism, Roe settles on capitalising on all her abilities - hence, the open mouthed mask.

from then on, things continue to happen as they do and, now, Roe’s a 17 year old vigilante, simultaneously respected and reviled by the citizens of her city, way too used to the taste of blood in her mouth with extremely questionable sleeping habits. She makes time to visit lil “cousin” Peter and May on the weekends, and somehow finds the time to maintain her scholarship to Visions, the school she’d applied to on Rio’s recommendation.

Plus, she has Wolverine’s number on speed-dial, saved as Logan (and how that happened is also a very long story).

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medproish · 6 years

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Raiders defensive end Khalil Mack didn’t show up on the first day of the 2018 Raiders season Monday, but fans of the Silver and Black shouldn’t read too far into the All-Pro’s absence.

Mack, who is in the fifth year of his rookie contract, skipped the first day of the Raiders’ voluntary workouts Monday as a response to slow-going negotiations over a new deal. No matter how many people use the term, it’s not a holdout �� you have to skip something that’s mandatory for it to really be a holdout, (hence the quotation marks in the headline) — but the absence of the Raiders’ best player on the first day old/new coach Jon Gruden can spend with the team has led to some anxiousness in the Raiders’ fanbase.

That concern is misplaced. Mack is merely using the one tool at his disposal in the contract negotiation process — absence — as a means to speed up the extension talks.

Frankly, Mack’s absence Monday (and presumably beyond) should have been foreseen, because it should be no surprise that contract negotiations have been slow to progress.

Mack is likely to land the largest contract for a defensive end in NFL history, but unlike when a quarterback signs a new deal, there’s more ambiguity when valuing a defensive player — this is not a deal that can be hammered out in a day, week, or perhaps even a month, there are league-wide ramifications to Mack’s contract.

But there’s no reason to believe that Mack’s absence Monday was a precursor to him no longer being on the Raiders in 2019 and beyond.

(Photo by Dustin Bradford/Getty Images) Dustin Bradford/Getty Images

For starters, the Raiders are well-equipped and willing to pay Mack more than Von Miller, who set the market for pass rushers when he signed a six-year deal that guaranteed $42 million at signing and $70 million “guaranteed” (that’s a false term, if you ask me) before the 2016 season. But the salary cap has gone up roughly 14 percent ($22 million) since Miller signed that deal — Mack can easily make the claim that he should be paid at least that much more than Miller.

And deal that large would reset the market for the only aspect of the contract that matters: guaranteed money.

That is if Rams defensive tackle Aaron Donald doesn’t reset the defensive line market before Mack can.

Someone will have to make the first move, but for now, the Raiders, the Rams, Donald, and Mack are playing a game of chicken that the entire NFL is watching. Once one of the incredible defensive linemen signs, the other will no doubt follow in short order, because even though Donald is an interior lineman and Mack plays on the outside, their impacts are similar and both players can use the other as a corollary in their contract negotiations. (“Well, Donald just got this from the Rams, so that’s where we’ll start.”)

(You can add in the Texans’ Jadeveon Clowney to the fray as well — Clowney isn’t going to command as much money as Mack, but Mack and his agent, Joel Segal, can use that deal as a barometer too.)

Could Mack hold out of training camp in July and August? Perhaps — Donald held out last year and looks poised to do it again if he doesn’t get a new deal in the coming months, so the possibility must exist for Mack as well.

But there are still good vibes between the Raiders and Mack’s camp and there’s no reason to believe that those vibes will dissipate anytime soon. I’d be a surprise if a deal isn’t struck in the next four months.

For the sake of argument, let’s imagine the worst-case scenario happens; it isn’t all that frightening: Mack holds out in training camp, comes back for the start of the season (it is a contract year, after all) and the Raiders, if they can’t come to terms on a new deal in-season, place the franchise tag on him for 2019 (and 2020, if need be).

And again, the Raiders will have no problem paying Mack — even with Derek Carr’s contract on the books — so the only way he’s playing in someone else’s jersey is if the Raiders decide they no longer want him in their colors.

While Gruden might have proven himself to be a man willing to make big, bold moves so far this offseason — a man with little to no allegiance to the players brought in by previous regimes — he’s not headstrong enough to trade Mack or let him walk in free agency. Teams never recoup full value for one of the best players in the NFL via trade, and if a coach decides to show one the door during their prime years, that player might as well hold it open.

Mack isn’t going anywhere.

The Raiders’ first mandatory team activity is in June — if Mack misses that minicamp, he risks being fined $84,435 (per former NFL agent Joel Corry on Twitter), but that’s a pittance compared to what he’ll get in his next contract, where the “guaranteed” money could be around $80 million with $50 guaranteed at signing. If he doesn’t have a new deal in place by June, he’d be a fool to show up for that minicamp.

Now, if Mack holds out of training camp, we can start a conversation about what that means. But that’s a long ways away.

Between now and then, Mack’s absence is a non-issue — while Raiders coaches did get to start their installation plans today and do some on-field stuff with players for the first time in 2018, Mack isn’t going to miss anything of true importance until the team heads to Napa. Even then, I’m sure one of the best players in the NFL — a player with 40.5 sacks in four NFL seasons — will be able to handle the responsibilities that come with being the top pass rusher in a single-gap system where his job will be simple as “go hit the guy with the ball”.

So unless you believe Mack lacks the ability to work out on his own or that he lacks the ability to comprehend his simpler role for 2018 — both ridiculous notions — there’s no reason to bat an eye at the defensive end’s absence in Alameda Monday. With a possible record-setting contract in flux, it would have been ridiculous for him to show up.

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mikevrivera · 7 years

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Why startups can’t and shouldn’t wait for government to drive real world change

The excitement of a new cabinet or new leadership is waning for the startup ecosystem – we’ve been here before.

Folks it’s groundhog day. We will get our heads around the new order and we will respectfully make the procession to meet the new kids on the block and hear their vision for their portfolio’s that impact on us (innovation, business, trade, investment).

There is a fear that the change is cosmetic, not real.

We will realise soon enough that the more things change, the more they stay the same. In the past few years we have seen a revolving door of leaders and ministers affecting our relationships and our expectations.

All well intentioned, some delivering change, opportunity, but none in it for the long haul. We know that each new minister brings their own take on things and programs change and agencies realign.

The hope is that things will be different for the ecosystem this time.

Thankfully, we have [senator] Arthur Sinodinos. A man with the network, the ideas, the nous and the grit needed to make change for the better.

He is matched with the [Labor MP] Ed Husic – a great listener, student and leader who has immersed himself in the ecosystem over many years. He is well regarded and has a very clear idea of what the ecosystem wants to achieve and what it needs to do so.

It is unnerving – especially for the startup ecosystem, who are largely new to this relationships with politics and government.

One thing I have realised over the last 30 years working in politics and government, and its not a criticism, just a fact – it will always be politics over people.

Decisions will always favour politics and saving face, even if Rome is burning. We’ve seen this time and again, particularly in the very expensive mistakes we see politicians, their advisers and agencies repeat without recourse.

We got our priorities wrong

What is unbelievable is that the VET-FEE HELP, the home insulation program and e-Health, or the ongoing failure of the NBN seems to have impacted little on the way things work in government.

Even Markin Parkinson, Secretary of the Department of Prime Minister and Cabinet speaks frankly about the need to work differently:

“We know, but we keep making the same sorts of mistakes and we have to keep asking ourselves why. What is it that about the way we think about doing things that’s leading us to repeat these issues?”

I believe much of the problem is about saving face – la bella figura. Riding the storm over solving the problem and admitting failure.

While I totally understand the need to hold it together under duress, I also believe that the world is changing and that the public expects and deserves greater accountability for how public monies are spent and services delivered.

A really good example is the fact that a remote town in New South Wales has a number of people needing dialysis, yet there is a dialysis machine sitting in the golf club that the community fundraised, the Health Department will not run it in the local base hospital.

So people (mainly Aboriginal) who cannot make the three hour trip to the main town hospital, end up dying.

I cannot understand how the heck people can live with themselves when decisions like this are made and they literally are affecting people’s lives.

We also know that there are some communities where few young people are untouched by sexual assault, yet they still live with the perpetrators.

The system is failing people and the decisions made on a daily basis by their very nature are disempowering communities. In politics however, these decisions are made daily and there is no transparency and accountability.

Carry on

We need to turn this upside down and see that the current approach is costly and damaging. Politics is about systems over users, process and outputs over outcomes.

In part this is because election cycles cause the need to focus on re-election a year out so it shortens the ability to focus on long term plans.

So if we can accept that decisions are made on that basis, we can truly realise the scope of what we can influence, framing the opportunity around how we can facilitate the realisation of their goals.

If we are committed to a specific path that cannot be adapted to the goals de jour, then we should just carry on and get on with it. Just like the startups disrupting the service system and government, like Catylisr, Refugee Talent, HireUp and Enabled Employment continue to do.

For many in the ecosystem that have engaged with government and politicians, they have realised that government doesn’t move quickly, it is not agile, even in the face of an enthusiastic minister, we see that there are a number of hurdles to get something unsolicited on the go.

It’s not good or bad – just a reminder that if we want to get things done – then it is up to us.

As many have quoted the Uber’s and Googles and Apples did not get government support – if they did they would still be a pipe dream and not the successful companies they are today.

Paul Shetler, former head of the Digital Transformation Office has said competition is important to build big companies that compete on a global stage, yet we persist in wanting the leg up without realising that comes with very long strings and distractions.

A great example of how to do it is set by Code Club founder Annie Parker (co-founder of Lighthouse Sydney) who effortlessly builds prototypes or pilots with a view of build it and they will come – the success of Code Club now reaching over 1500 schools and receiving some government support happened because Annie proved the model, then sought support.

Annie has done this a few times (muru-D, TechFugees Australia) and will continue to lead the way for a more independent and rigorous method of launching companies because she does not rely on government to get big ideas started, nor does she rely on government to sustain them – BIG TICK.

Lessons for the ecosystem

The sooner we accept the way things are, the quicker we can be unencumbered by the very bureaucratic nature of government.

I recognise there are some great grants around now for startups from state and federal governments but I suggest you take a leaf out of the NGOs that, after decades of relying on government support, are now faced with government paring back and the necessity to find alternative sources of funding.

Chief executive of the NSW Council of Social Services, Tracy Howe is determined to reduce NCOSS’s reliance on government funding and has led her organisation and its members to rethink the status quo.

It is imperative people start thinking about this because the truth of the matter is you will get things done faster and without the rigid strings of government funding.

The NGO sector also knows that the best time to get attention and support is around elections when any number of announceables will be considered.

Don’t wait till the new government or minister has been sworn in, start early, work both sides of the aisle and ensure that they understand what you’re trying to achieve, who it helps, what it delivers and how it helps the government.

So for those on the eastern seaboard state elections in QLD and NSW approaching in the next two years, as is the federal election.

It’s going to be a great opportunity for those in the circle to get some traction, as long as it fits with the agendas of the day.

The alternative is to join me and the band of others just getting on with it and be ready with proven models and ideas to slot in to the ever sliding and changing agendas.

This article was originally published on LinkedIn.

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The post Why startups can’t and shouldn’t wait for government to drive real world change appeared first on StartupSmart.

from StartupSmart http://www.startupsmart.com.au/advice/growth/innovation/why-startups-cant-and-shouldnt-wait-for-government-to-drive-real-world-change/

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