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outerbankspreferences · 3 years

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Flight - Rudy Pankow

A/N: This makes Elaine out to be a bitch, but I don’t think she is. I support her and Rudy 100% and think they make a wonderful couple. It was more for the plot.

Word Count: 1885

MASTERLIST

Flying had never been a problem before. You’ve never had to film anywhere that you couldn’t drive to. You had done some acting jobs around LA, and one time you went to Nashville before getting a part in Season 2 for Outer Banks. Netflix had offered to pay for you to fly out to North Carolina, but you opted for driving instead. You didn’t know anyone you were filming with, so you drove yourself.

Of course, you had been dreading filming in Barbados since you got the part. You had the biggest fear of flying and had been avoiding it since you were little. When you got the email from Netflix that contained your ticket to say that you were panicked was an understatement. Drew, Chase, and Maddie C. were already in Barbados, so it was going to be you, Rudy, Jonathan, Elaine and Maddie B. Everyone was just going to carpool to the airport.

Rudy had a thing for you since he met you at the first table read for season 2. You were shy at first but quickly came out of your shell when you started to get to know everyone. Rudy thought you were hilarious and enjoyed your company so that’s what caused him to be knocking on your door the night before you guys had to leave for your flight.

When you opened the door in your sweatpants and messy bun, he still thought you looked beautiful. “Hey, I thought you would be asleep.” Rudy spoke up and you moved to let him in your apartment. “Yeah well, I guess I’m a nervous flyer.” You laughed to yourself, “do you want a cup of tea?” You asked grabbing one of your mugs. Rudy had noticed your book and mug in the living room when he sat on the couch. “I hope I’m not interrupting you” Rudy spoke up as you walked into the living room handing him a drink. “No, you’re not, I just figured I’d pass the time until I fell asleep.” You responded, the both of you sitting on the couch. “I didn’t know you’re a nervous flyer, what did you do when you had to come to North Carolina?” Rudy questioned. “Uh, I drove.” You shrugged like it was the simplest thing to do. “What, that’s like a 3-day drive.” He said baffled by your answer. “Well yeah, but it’s a good way to see the country.” You laughed thinking about the memories you made on the solo road trip. “And you did it by yourself? That’s badass Y/L/N.” Rudy said smirking.

The two of talked the whole night away and you showed him pictures of your trip across the country and told him all the stories. Rudy thought that he could listen to you talk all night, even after he started to get tired. He finally excused himself from you place promising to sit with you on the plane tomorrow to ease your mind.

You woke up the next morning with a sick feeling in your stomach and it only got worse at the thought of getting on an airplane. You got the rest of your last-minute things packed up and brought out by your door getting ready to meet everyone at JD’s car. You were the last to show up when Elaine shouted out to you. “I thought you weren’t going to show.” She spoke with a snarky tone, and Rudy nudge her shoulder getting her to knock it off. “Yeah, well I’ll probably be late to my own funeral.” You laughed trying to ease the tension. You guys all piled in the car and Elaine took the opportunity to sit next to Rudy and made you sit in front with JD, while Maddison sat in the back.

Elaine also had a thing for Rudy and didn’t enjoy you showing up to take his attention away. Everyone thought they were going to get together after season 1 but it never happened. Then you came along, and Rudy pulled all his attention to you. Elaine wasn’t too secretive about her hatred towards you, but you just brushed it off as a mild insecurity and jealousy. You weren’t angry that you had to sit up front but instead talked to JD and tried to ease some of your nerves. No one else knew that you were a nervous flyer and you preferred to keep it that way. Even though it was something simple, you were still embarrassed.

Once you guys got to the airport the nerves got even worse. Because of the pandemic you guys had to wear mask and you also had sunglasses on, so it was hard for people to recognize you guys. Rudy helped you carry your bag into the airport and then guided you to TSA. “Have you ever been in an airport?” Rudy asked whispering in your ear so no one could hear. “Uh once when I was little with my mom. We had to pick up my grandma.” You responded. Your eyes darted around to all the people and different screens and you started to get overwhelmed. Rudy could sense that you were started to get anxious and put a hand at the small of your back pulling you closer to him. “We’ll get checked in and then go get some air, okay?” He explained grabbing his passport and paperwork. You pulled yours out of your purse and laughed when he saw that you had everything in a little Ziploc baggy. “Alright, that’s the most mom-like thing I’ve ever seen” he said.

Rudy helped you get through the process of security and then you guys were about to go outside when Elaine spoke up, “where are you guys going?” She asked almost annoyed of you guys leaving. “Y/N/N and I are going to find the bathroom. Safety in numbers.” Rudy fibbed, pulling you along. Once you guys got outside the two of you sat on a bench close enough to your gate that you wouldn’t have to rush when your flight got called. Rudy watched your body relax a bit when you weren’t stuck inside.

“It’s going to be okay Y/N/N.” Rudy spoke pulling you to sit on the bench with him. “I know, I know.” You said half trying to convince yourself. “I’ll be next to you the whole time, and we can just talk, or you can read your book. It’ll be over before you know it.” He spoke and put a hand on your shoulder, and he could feel your breathing increase. He knew what was happening, you were about to have an anxiety attack, “okay Y/N, you need to take a deep breath.” He rubbed small circles on your back. “I can’t do this Rudy; I can’t be in that death box for over 11 hours.” You spoke and your voice starts to shake. You look over at Rudy and he’s got a concerned look on his face. He takes your face in his hands forcing you to look at him, “you’re going to be okay Y/N, I’m going to be with you the whole time. Nothing is going to happen, just please take a deep breath.” He spoke firmly but you could feel the softness of his hands. “You promise?” “Of course, I would never let anything bad happen to you.” You nodded your hands in his grip, but he didn’t let go and you could feel his hot breath on your face. Rudy was looking into your eyes and then his eye flicked down to your lips and you could feel yourself getting nervous again but this time it wasn’t the flight, but because of how close Rudy was too you.

Rudy leaned in closer, and you let your eye flutter shut. You felt Rudy gently place his lips on top of yours and you pushed yourself closer to him to deepen the kiss. It that moment it felt like you were on cloud nine, as if it were only you and Rudy left in the world. Rudy pulled away and left you smiling like and idiot. “I’ve wanted to do that for a while now.” He whispered, and you kissed him again. “Me too.” The two of you giggled and then heard your flight get called. “Just remember, I’m here the whole time.”

When the two of you got back to the gate the others had already boarded expect for Elaine. When Rudy saw her, you could feel his grip on your hand tighten. “There you guys are, what took so long?” She asked seeming annoyed. “The just called for the flight, we’re not that late.” You spoke up, and Elaine rolled her eyes at you. “I saved you spot next to me Rudy, Y/N can sit next to Madison.” She explained pulling at Rudy’s arm. “Uh that’s okay, Y/N is kind of nervous so I said I would sit with her.” He explained trying not to be rude. Elaine scuffed, and the three of you boarded the plane. You were sat right behind Maddie, JD and Elaine, “here take the window seat, it’ll make it easier on you.” He said stepping to the side so you could get in. The flight attendant was giving the inflight instructions, explaining how to put the oxygen masks on and your leg started to shake. Rudy noticed and put his hand on your thigh, “it’s okay, they have to explain all this stuff Y/N/N.” He whispered in your ear kissing your cheek. You nodded in confirmation and soon enough the pilot was getting the plane ready for take off.

As the plane started to gain speed and lift in the air you watched out the window, and Rudy got you a drink of water for the flight. You guys had been flying for about an hour and you were looking out the window but Rudy’s grip on your thigh never left. He was talking to JD, when you guys hit some turbulence. You jumped and clung onto Rudy’s hand, “nervous flyer Y/L/N?” JD asked not missing the way you reacted. “I don’t know why she would take a job like this if she’s scared of flying. Kind of stupid if you ask me.” Elaine piped in making you feel embarrassed. “It’s not stupid Elaine, everyone is scared of something.” Rudy said defending you. “It’s fine babe, just a bit of turbulence.” He said and you blushed at the nickname. “Can we listen to music or something, I think I just need a distraction.” You asked, and Rudy pulled out his headphones.

“Thanks.” You spoke, not really knowing what to say to him, “I owe you big time.” Rudy laughed, “it’s no problem. When we get to Barbados you can self isolate with me if you want.” He responded. “I hope I’m not being to forward, but I’ve had a crush on you for a while now, and I’m going to assume you feel the same for me.” He explained. You did have feelings for Rudy, you always had but you kept your distance because you thought he had a thing for Elaine. “I would love too self isolate with you. it would be much better then doing it alone.” You said leaning in to kiss him. “And yes, I like you too.”

TAG LIST:

@lemur46 @drewstarkeysbitchh @taylathornton

#rudy pankow #rudy pankow x reader #rudy pankow x you #rudy pankow blurb #rudy pankow imagines #rudy pankow x y/n #rudy pankow outer banks #Outer Banks

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whumpmatsus · 3 years

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Ooo my bad, maybe Jyushi gets a stomach ache and Kara tends to him? Giving him water or something to ease the pain. Or getting him to lay down and rest!

aaaaaaa I love them 😭

To be completely fair to Karamatsu, his choice of restaurant isn’t really to blame for Jyushimatsu’s appetite.

In fact, it’s debatable that even Jyushimatsu is to blame for his appetite. It’s more the fact that he just eats so fastthat it would be a miracle if his brain registers that he’s had a whole meal before he goes back for more. Typically by the time he processes that he’s full, he’s had two or three more servings.

It’s no wonder that he often ends up with a stomachache if he’s given the chance to inhale more food than he really should. Most of the time, though, it quiets down after a little bit of relaxing and maybe a tummy rub from one of his brothers.

Of course, while the two of them are out at a fast food place, it’s not like they can just lie down in the middle of the floor and try to chill. … Well, they could,but they’d probably end up getting kicked out before making any significant progress.

So the second Jyushimatsu gets a little pale and complains that he’s not feeling too well, Karamatsu’s first immediate thought is along the lines of, We’re fucked.

And in Jyushimatsu’s defense, Karamatsu should have been a better big brother and cautioned him against ordering as much food as he did. Even if he had, however, what else could he have done except give a warning? Jyushimatsu’s an adult, it’s his money from the allowance Dad gave him, and he can make his own choices, can’t he? Or at least he should be expected to. He probably wouldn’t take being bossed around and told what to do, and it’s not like anyone can forcehim.

As usual, though, Karamatsu has let one of his little brothers down. The least he can do is try to make it up by figuring a quick way out of the situation. He springs to his feet, setting a hand down on Jyushimatsu’s shoulder. If they need to move fast, he should be prepared. “Alright, you don’t feel well. Understood, dear brother. Is it your stomach?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Alright… how bad does it feel?”

Jyushimatsu ponders the question for a second, before holding up both hands, covered by his condiment-stained sleeves, over his mouth. “Um. Gonna… gonna throw up.”

Shit.Karamatsu knows his little brother wouldn’t say something so decisive without knowing that yeah, he’s about to hurl. “Alright, let’s get up. Do you want to go to the bathroom here or try to make it to the car where I believe I have a plastic bag?”

It almost looks like he’s considering the possibility that he could make it to the car, then suddenly his face turns a bit green. “― Bathroom!”

That one word combined with his younger brother’s urgent expression and tone of voice spur Karamatsu into action. He moves like lightning, pulling Jyushimatsu to his feet and practically dragging the other man toward the tiny partition on the other side of the counter.

A three-part harmony shriek of horror tells him he probably should have paid more attention to the signs on the doors. He offers a hasty apology to the offended ladies inside as he yanks his brother away from the door. (Although he knows Jyushimatsu is desperate, even this kind of emergency doesn’t constitute staying in the women’s restroomto puke.) As soon as he does, Jyushimatsu gags into his hands and Karamatsu knows they don’t have much time. Once Jyushimatsu starts making audible sounds like that, the full event isn’t too far away.

“I-it’s alright, it’s alright,” he tries to reassure as he tugs Jyushimatsu into the men’s restroom. “If you can wait a second, we’re nearly there!”

He does his best, but they never even make it into a stall. Once the door closes, Jyushimatsu stumbles toward the mirrors… and proceeds to vomit into the sink. Geez.Karamatsu feels himself wince at the thought of the poor worker making like ¥100 an hour who’ll have to clean this up.

Well, he can’t focus on that part right now. This can’t be pleasant for Jyushimatsu either, obviously.

The sound of everything he’s just eaten splattering against the edges of the sink is no match for the way he’s retching and sputtering. It looks like he started out trying to brace himself with both hands clutching the countertop; now, he’s sunk to only having his elbows propping him up, both hands up against the side of his head.

Karamatsu sets a gentle hand on his brother’s back, trying to be of some little comfort while his entire meal comes back up. Though he can’t remember Jyushimatsu ever eating himself sick like this before, he supposes it was bound to happen sooner or later with the way the fifth oldest tends to shovel food down.

He wants to think this memory of his stomach turning itself inside out will serve as a lesson to slow down in the future. To be mindful of how fast and how much he’s eating. Even someone as hopelessly delusional as Karamatsu has to acknowledge that’s a long shot, though.

After a moment the gagging and heaving finally dies down. Jyushimatsu is left gasping as he tries to get his breath back. When Karamatsu peeks over, he sees that there are tears starting to roll down his little brother’s face.

That earns an extra few seconds of back-rubbing from Karamatsu out of pure pity that this was either emotionally draining or physically forceful enough to make Jyushimatsu cry. “Aaah, my little Jyushimatsu,” he hums. “Does it feel a little better now that you’ve been sick?”

He nods weakly. “A little. I… think I ate too much, Karamatsu-nii-san.”

“Hmph, I think so, too.” Karamatsu reaches over to grab a handful of paper towels, pressing them to Jyushimatsu’s mouth. “Next time you might eat a bit slower or listen to your big brother telling you not to eat so much. But… it’s alright. What else are big brothers for, but to care for their younger brothers? I think perhaps we should go home.”

“Mhm, yeah. I wanna lie down and snuggle a pillow against my stomach.”

Well, that certainly sounds like a plan. “Alright, then. How about a drink for the ride home? Something easy to settle your stomach.”

“Ooh… Sprite?”

“Mh, I think they have that.” He gives an affectionate squeeze to Jyushimatsu’s shoulder. “Will you be okay by yourself for a moment while I go get that and dispose of the trash we left on the table?”

“Yeah, mhm. I’ll hold onto the counter.”

Ah. Yeah. That’s a relief. At least it’ll keep him from getting dizzy or passing out if he tries to move on his own. “Good! I’ll be back before you know it.”

Karamatsu can’t apologize enough to the person working at the counter of this place, telling them that his baby brother threw up in the bathroom sink and he’d clean it up if he could but he should get his brother home just in case andalsoasmallSpritetogoplease?

For once, he can kind of understand why people think he’s painful. The cashier has this blank look before muttering, “Excruciating…”and ringing him out for the drink. He kind of wishes the floor would open up and swallow him and he’s pretty sure he now knows how Ichimatsu feels when talking to people all the damn time. He’s surprised he doesn’t just burst into flames from the sheer awkwardness.

After a bunch of apologies, he manages to herd Jyushimatsu into the car so they can head home. He does find a plastic bag for his brother to hold, just in case he feels like throwing up again, just until they get back.

To his credit, Jyushimatsu is calm as can be on the ride home. He sips at his Sprite and closes his eyes so he doesn’t feel motion sick and hums along quietly to the radio. He’s so cooperative Karamatsu wants to ask who the hell he is and what he’s done with Jyushimatsu.

When they walk into the house, he ushers Jyushimatsu through the main rooms, up the stairs, and onto the couch in the spare room. The others save for Totty are spread out among the floor; Choromatsu and Osomatsu seem to be reading, and Ichimatsu has a cat cradled up in his arms… wrapped in one of Karamatsu’s shirts. Fantastic. Nothing like cat hair all over his clothes so he’ll be all itchy and sneezy when he decides to try and steal it back.

As he tries to get his brother set up on the couch, Choromatsu seems to fully realize what’s going on. “Oh, hey, you two are back. That was pretty fast. Uh… is Jyushimatsu okay?”

Jyushimatsu waves his hands in the air. “I threw up!”

“Tch.” Ichimatsu shifts in position, stretching one leg out. “That’s what you guys get for going to a shitty burger place. Next time just eat here where the food’s free and won’t make you hurl.”

Karamatsu plops down onto the floor in front of the couch, and is promptly slapped over the shoulder by one of Jyushimatsu’s jellylike arms. “Hmph… as I’m still spectacular, you should already know it wasn’t the food. Sweet little Jyushimatsu just ate too much of it.”

“Geez,” Choromatsu chuckles as he gets up, “someone’s eyes are bigger than his stomach. Well, you guys are home now, so you can relax and maybe start feeling better.” He brushes a hand over Jyushimatsu’s stomach and earns a soft mewl of gratitude before pulling away. “How about I make you some ginger tea?”

Karamatsu moves to get up almost immediately. “Oh, no, Choromatsu, I’ll get it! All the rest of my dearest brothers were already relaxing, so allow me to―”

“Nooooooooo,” Jyushimatsu interrupts with a whine, pulling him back down with now both arms. In a. Very. Tight hold. “I want you to stay with me, Karamatsu-nii-san!”

“Ah…! Okay, alright…” He tries to take a breath and pats lightly at his brother’s hands. “A-ah, my sweet little Jyushimatsu… let go… ahahaha… b-big brother’s not going anywhere, I promise, so you can let go of him!”

“Aaaaaah.” Jyushimatsu’s arms go lax, though he starts tugging on Karamatsu’s hand while his brother tries to get a decent breath in. “Belly rubs?”

“Hmph… sure, anything for my dearest younger brother. Just let me know if I’m being too rough; I would never want to hurt you.” He adjust himself so he can still be in a comfortable position while being able to reach Jyushimatsu’s stomach, giving tender strokes as well as he’s able.

The door slides open and Choromatsu gives a quiet hum at the scene. “Well, you both try to chill out, then. I’ll go get that tea, alright?”

“Heyyyyy,” Osomatsu suddenly speaks up. “Can you make some for me, too?? Or maybe a beer? I’m thirsty!”

All he gets in response is the sound of the door shutting.

The eldest pouts. “Hey, I know you heard me!! You’re such an ass! Grab me a beer, Fappymatsu!!”

Karamatsu lets out a low laugh and continues to carefully rub at his little brother’s stomach. “Hmph, so things are totally normal around here. At least that’s a comfort, isn’t it, Jyushimatsu?”

“Ah-hah! I’d feel weird if we got home and everyone was being all nice to each other.”

“Heh.” He leans his head back with a soft sigh. “That’s right. You only need onebig brother to be nice to you and that’s me. Any other requests besides the tummy rubs, you beautiful bastard?”

Jyushimatsu giggles and nestles his head closer against Karamatsu’s. “Hmmm… nope! I think I’m good just like this.”

Karamatsu closes his eyes. “You know… I think I am, too.”

#Osomatsu san #whump #Kinnikumatsu #Jyushimatsu #Karamatsu #illness #vomiting #overeating #AAA POOR JYUSHI #at least Kara is a good big brother 😭😭😭

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lassieposting · 3 years

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shudderkin for the getting together thingy? (IF you're still doing it ofc!!!)

I’m bored, so. Send me two (or more) characters for a headcanon on how I’d have them get together

Ajdjajdjsjdjamdk god so

This is actually the dead men ship that takes the least amount of time to get together, because larrikin does not fuck around when it comes to getting some dick. He moves fast.

Which is impressive, because by the time he's brought in to replace erskine in 1850, shudder is well known for being a painfully repressed, emotionally stunted closet case. Like, saracen has slept with almost everyone else, but even he's never successfully put the moves on anton. Anton was raised by mortals in a strict religious foundling home, so Catholic Guilt™ is a big thing for him. He's bad at flirting, very vanilla, uncomfortable with casual sex, and just generally kind of socially awkward and unapproachable, which doesn't help.

Larrikin, on the other hand, is what might be politely referred to as A Character. He has zero shame or boundaries, so he tells the dead men on day one that he's dtf with any or all of them. He flirts with everyone, including skulduggery, who's a) his commanding officer and b) dead. He's the sort of person who, upon hearing that someone in the group is not familiar with what a certain kink or sex act is, will promptly act it out, soundtrack included. Shudder is vibrant red in the face like 90% of the time when larrikin is around

So like. when larr sets his sights on anton, saracen pulls out a notepad and quietly sets up a betting pool for how long it'll take for him to either succeed or give up.

It still takes a few months, because larrikin is, by nature, chaotic and annoying, and shudder has a low tolerance for bullshit and shenanigans. His friendship dynamic with larrikin (and skug, actually, for the same reason) is essentially "ily but you are A Lot so i prefer you in small doses". But the Shudder's Birthday mission - the only time anyone can remember shudder smiling in the field - softens him up some, and larrikin is opportunistic by nature. So once they're safely back at camp with the main body of the sanctuary forces and they're celebrating a job well done, he waits until everyone is a couple drinks in and feeling merry and then just sort of. Deposits himself in shudder's lap, and subsequently spends the night in shudder's bed.

They do take a while to get things ironed out, though.

Shudder has a Big Gay Panic the morning after and keeps larr at arms' length for a while, because he's still not 100% trusting of the sorcerer community's more progressive attitude to sexuality, and he's still lowkey expecting the sort of Consequences he was warned about by the church - damnation, hellfire, blah blah blah.

Larrikin is also polyamorous. He eventually agrees to exclusivity with shudder - which is new, but not unpleasant - but initially he has a tendency to wander in and out of everyone's tents as he pleases, which naturally upsets anton and causes a bunch of arguments before he's finally able to get his head out of his ass long enough to express that the reason he's upset is because he wants larrikin to himself.

Larrikin has fantastic communication skills, so anton can be incredibly frustrating for him bc he has None; it's like banging his head against a brick wall. And anton struggles to understand larr's footloose and fancy free approach to the world, devoid of structure and rules. They bicker like an old married couple.

They actually do get married at one point, during the period where larrikin takes skug's place - not too long after the corpse attack. Skug is MIA, presumed dead. Some insane necromancer has signed up with mevolent and keeps massacring sanctuary forces. They've had some bad defeats and everyone needs a morale booster. Saracen complains that it's been ages since they had anything to celebrate, why isn't anyone getting married anymore, a wedding is a great excuse for a party. Larrikin pipes up that that's a great idea, he'll marry anton, everyone can get smashed, morale restored.

"Do I get any say in this?" Anton asks.

"Absolutely," says larrikin, without missing a beat. "Do you want to wear the dress, or shall i?"

It's a big party. Everyone gets horribly drunk. Corrival gets the dubious honour of marrying them, roped in by dexter at the last minute. Larrikin wears the dress - a Sunday Best affair borrowed from one of the soldiers' wives who travel with the encampment, several inches too short for him and incredibly baggy in the chest - because why not. Shudder gets a bit too heartfelt with his vows and starts panic-rambling, ends up agreeing to indulge larrikin in "all those things you ask me for at night, even the weird ones" before corrival intervenes, and saracen laughs so hard he makes himself sick.

They haven't even been "together" that long when they get married, but ultimately it works out for them. Anton keeps his wedding ring on a chain around his neck until the day he dies.

#skulduggery pleasant #sp headcanons #shudderkin #sex mention bc larrikin

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oldfashionedmoth · 3 years

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Fred and George do QVC

Find me on AO3

It was a bright, sunny, Saturday afternoon, and Harry Potter was stuck inside folding laundry. He stared longingly at the window, wishing he was anywhere but here. Lately, he had been feeling listless and filled with ennui. His life at the Dursley’s was considerably less exciting than his life at school. Albeit, he didn’t have a crazed, nose-less, master wizard, trying to murder him here; but even that might have been an improvement, to the boredom he had felt all summer. He glanced across the room at his Aunt Petunia, who lounged on the sofa, half asleep. He wondered if she’d notice if he escaped outside, for a breath of fresh air. Uncle Vernon had just left, with Dudley and his friends, to see a professional football match. This was one of the numerous birthday surprises his aunt and uncle had lavished their son with. Harry would have liked to had gone too, but he was told “the laundry wasn’t going to fold itself.”

“If I were allowed to use magic outside of school, the laundry certainly *would* fold itself.” Harry thought bitterly.

The TV chattered away in the background.

“…and just so we’re clear, these are dishwasher safe?”

“Yes, that’s right, Antonella. The Scrub Daddy is absolutely dishwasher safe.”

“And remember, you’re getting 12 of these! Order code 63528, when you call in.”

“Yes, and just quickly…because I know we are running out of time… I wanted to show you that the design for these is not just a smiley face. These are fully functional. Put your two fingers in the eye holes like so, and it stays on your fingers. That’s going to be fantastic for getting inside of mugs, cups, you name it.”

“Wow! that’s ingenious!”

The presenter turned and addressed the camera directly, holding the item for sale.

“Look! Here is what you’re getting, guys. And this packaging! Ah! This custom packaging is exclusive to QVC, guys. And, all this could be yours, for 4 easy payments of $7.49. Amazing!”

The camera zoomed in, on the presenter’s face.

“Coming up, we have a couple of young entrepreneurs, showing us their latest confections. I’m sure we all know someone with a sweet tooth. Just wait till you see what these boys have in store for us today. But first, make sure you get your orders in for the Scrub Daddy. These things are selling like hot cakes!”

The shot cut to a pre-recorded infomercial, for Scrub Daddy sponges.

“Hmmph!” Aunt Petunia snorted “I should order some of those for you, so you’ll stop ruining my pots!”

Harry muttered under his breath “Well, if you fixed the dishwasher, instead of using me as your personal slave, I wouldn’t have to scrub the pots.”

“What was that?!” snapped Aunt Petunia, “You ungrateful little brat! After all your uncle and I have done for you; taking you in, like we did, after your parents…well…You should be ecstatic that I even offered to buy you anything!”

In a huff, she snatched the remote control off the coffee table and turned up the volume.

Harry put the folded laundry in the basket and stood to bring them upstairs.

“Up next, we have twins Fred and George Weasley, of Weasley Wizard Wheezes, here with us today. Welcome boys!”

Harry froze, gobsmacked. Much to his disbelief, there was his best friend’s older brothers, peddling their wares on QVC. One was wearing an evening tailcoat, which was neon orange with lime green polka dots. His trousers were also neon orange, but with a lime green tuxedo stripe running down each leg. The other twin was wearing the same tailcoat and tuxedo trousers, but in inverse colors to his brother. In contrast to the loudness of their jackets, both boys were wearing black cravats around their necks, giving them a ‘Victorian Regency on acid’ kind of look.

“Thanks for having us, Antonella. We’re happy to be here!” said one of the twins

“Remind us to buy a pack of those Scrub Daddies, before we leave.” said the other, “Our Dad would get such a kick out of them. Sponges with smiley faces. What a concept! Haha!”

His brother leaned into him, and theatrically whispered “We don’t need them ourselves. We can just use Malfoy’s head.” He held up two fingers in a sideways peace sign, and pretended to poke his brother in both eyes. “His hair is great at soaking up grease.”

The twins snickered together, as the presenter, unperturbed, carried on with the sales pitch.

“Fred and George have brought with them some of their Skiving Snackbox candies. Now, judging by the names of some of these, I think these would be perfect as a novelty get-well present, for someone in your life who’s been feeling a little under the weather. There’s something for every ailment. We’ve got ‘fever fudge’, ‘fainting fancies’, ‘nosebleed nougat’ and last but not least, ‘puking pastilles.’ Hehe! Now, what made you boys come up with this concept, for these sweets?”

“Well,” said Fred, “they’re not exactly for someone who’s already sick."

"That could result in some disastrous side effects.” quipped George

Fred turned to the camera and added “Always read the labels, kids!”

George continued, “They make you temporarily ill, if for example, you wanted the day off work. You pop in a fainting fancy. Bob’s your uncle-Fanny’s your Aunt, suddenly your GP has prescribed you a day of bed rest.”

“Oh, but totally 100% all muggle, I mean natural. 100% all natural.” Fred interjected

“Yes, definitely nothing magical about these candies at all.” George agreed, with a sheepish grin.

“Oh, I get it!” exclaimed the host, “That’s just like the Natural Herbal Detox Tea, we had on the show last month. This may be TMI, but I swear I was on the toilet for a week, after that segment! Hehehe!”

Fred laughed and said, “Now would be a good time for me to tell one of my poop jokes.”

George replied “Nah, they always stink!”

“Hey-oh!” they cried, while high-fiving each other.

“You know what you needed?” Fred asked the host, “The Skiving Snackbox’s companion product, ‘You-No-Poo’. Guaranteed to cause crippling constipation in less than 3 minutes!”

“The constipation sensation, that’s gripping the nation!” exclaimed George

“Well, being conscious of time, lets move right along.” Antonella said, “Our viewers at home are probably wondering ‘but how do they taste?’ Let’s find out, shall we?”

She popped a candy into her mouth, and immediately started retching.

“NOOO!” the twins shouted in unison.

“You’re not supposed to eat the whole thing at once!” lamented Fred

“You’re only supposed eat half!” followed George

“The antidote is in the second half.” continued Fred

The poor unsuspecting host began urging in a rhythmic way, “Blech...Blech...Blech...Blech...”

“Oh no!” wailed George “I think she’s stuck in vom-limbo.”

“Both sides of the sweet must be working against each other!” added Fred

“It’s simultaneously trying to make her be sick, and also keeping any sick from coming up.” George concurred.

Panic-stricken, Fred started rifling through his rugsack. He began removing items and throwing them behind him. A roll of parchment; a quill; various bottles and vials; a bowler hat; a cup of tea, complete with saucer; a set of fireworks, which exploded upon impact with the floor; a broom; a Yorkshire pudding; a literal kitchen sink...

Between urges, Antonella asked “How...blech...did...blech...you...blech...fit...blech...all...blech...that...blech...in...blech...there?”

“Never mind that now! Here, eat this!” bellowed Fred, shoving the found antidote in the host’s mouth.

Finally, the retching stopped, but with it came a lengthy spew of vomit across the set, with such ferocity it rivaled Linda Blair in the exorcist. The show quickly switched to camera angle “B” to avoid broadcasting Antonella’s lost lunch to the viewers.

“I think it’s best we...uhh...take a little break,” the presenter said shakily, wiping tears and vomit from her face. “ugh... Up next we have Ken Oschipok with his beautifully iridescent Ammolite and White Zircon silver rings...ahh...oh...just a second, my producer is telling me something...”

She touched her finger to her ear, turned away from the camera and hissed into her mic “What do you mean you can’t find the rings? A Platypus? Are…are you sure it was a platypus? How did a platypus get in here, and why would it steal our merchandise?”

Fred and George exchanged worried glances.

The presenter looked back to camera, with a wide grin plastered on her face, “Sorry guys, we are just having a little bit of...umm...technical difficulties. We’ll be right back wi...OH!”

Suddenly a red envelope swooped down out of nowhere, flicked Antonella across the nose and stopped abruptly in front of the twins. A loud but shrill voice echoed throughout the studio.

"FRED AND GEORGE WEASLEY! OF ALL THE COCKAMAMIE STUNTS YOU’VE EVER PULLED — MUGGLE TV? YOU WAIT TILL I GET HOLD OF YOU! IMAGINE MY SURPRISE WHEN I RECEIVED A CALL FROM RITA SKEETER, ASKING FOR A QUOTE FROM THE DELINQUENTS’ MOTHER — I NEVER — IN ALL MY DAYS — YOUR FATHER'S FACING AN INQUIRY AT WORK ~ AGAIN! AS IF THE MINISTRY HASN’T BEEN FACING ENOUGH BACKLASH, AFTER THAT NIFFLER GETTING LOOSE, NOW THIS? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? YOU TWO COME HOME THIS INSTANT!!!"

Once the assault on everyone’s ears subsided, the presenter unsteadily staggered out of shot, with her hand on her forehead, murmuring “I think I need a nap, or a drink, or both”

The screen cut to another pre-recorded infomercial; a cheerful rock jingle began to play.

You wanna skip class, but not look like an ass? If you want an excuse; What have you got to lose? You better show some moxie, Grab a Skiving Snack Box-y From Weasley- Wizard - Wheezes!

Harry stood slack jawed, in the living room, transfixed by what had just played out on the tv in front of him. Clean laundry scattered around his feet, from where he’d dropped the basket.

“Bloody Hell! Those crazy troll bogeys!” He thought with a grin. A shocked guffaw escaped his throat.

Aunt Petunia gave him a scandalized glare and shrieked “I suppose you have something to do with this?”

Harry scooped all the laundry into his arms and dashed upstairs before she could chastise him any further. Although, he imagined any tongue-lashing Aunt Petunia could give him, would pale in comparison to the dressing down the twins were probably getting, from Molly Weasley, right now. She is one fierce boss-witch.

“Oh, to be a fly on the wall at the Burrow, right now” Harry said to himself, with a chuckle. “I can’t wait to hear the details from Ron!”

#Harry Potter #fred & george weasley #skiving snack box #weasley wizard wheezes #qvc

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snowdice · 4 years

Text

Big Bang (Sort of) Editing Story [Day 30]

I started writing this fic while editing my Big Bang story, but am going to continue doing it for other things now that Kill Dear is out. I will write and publish 100 words of the story every time I finish doing whatever task I’m doing. If you’d like to block these proceedings, please feel free to block the tag proofread stories. I will reblog this post with the parts of the story I do today. Edited chapters are linked; everything else I’ve done so far is under the cut.

My Master Post Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10

Let’s do a bit of this. We are only a couple of chapters away from the end of arc I! I’m excited!

Chapter 11

Over the course of the next three days of Virgil’s captivity, Virgil would come to the conclusion that his captors were idiots.

This thought flickered to life once again as Logan leaned into the closet to point out another constellation on the ceiling, tottering unstably on his knees as his weight shifted forward and distracted by his enthusiasm.

They were alone in the prince’s room. Patton had left only a few minutes before to help his mother in the kitchen (less because she needed help and more to not make her suspicious about why he’d spent so much time away in the last few days).

He wouldn’t be back for a while and Virgil had full mobility in the closet. With Logan leaning over the threshold like that, it would be easy to kill him or even just incapacitate him. One rough yank on his arm would have him completely in the closet. Virgil had no question that he could pin him down so he couldn’t activate the restraints, and even if he managed to do so, he’d have been drawn close enough that Virgil could use his legs. He could either force him to take off the cuffs or, since they automatically went to the second setting when he left the closet, just deal with it until he managed to get away.

It would just be so easy. Yet, he did not. He just watched Logan as he leaned stupidly over an assassin while info dumping about stars.

This was the first day that he hadn’t felt at all tired when he’d drank the provided nutrition and healing potion, though it had never affected him quite as much as it had the first day. Logan said that meant that his injuries must be healed. It was a weird feeling. He didn’t remember when the last time was that he wasn’t damaged in some way. Even before his grueling training, there’d always been bullies at the orphanage and he’d been the youngest and smallest in his age group.

He was also more well rested and fed than he had been in as long as he could remember. He felt better then he knew was possible today, and he suspected that he would only feel better after a bit more time under their care.

He told himself that is why he didn’t lash out now. He was waiting until he was as strong as possible to make sure his escape went as well as it could, even if it was a risk. They’d mentioned that the king would be gone for three weeks. After he returned, Virgil would surely be turned over to people much more capable of actually keeping him well trapped and less likely to feed him well, give him a nice place to sleep, and leave him without injury. It was a gamble to stay, because it was possible that he wouldn’t find another opportunity in time and would get handed over to his fate. Really, if he was being reasonable, he should get out now while he felt good and had a secured opportunity.

Still, he did not. He had not any of the times they’d given him the opportunity in the last few days. Logan finished his sentence and leaned back out of the closet to safety. He still was speaking though in that soft happy tone. Logan liked the stars. He liked to talk about the stars, and Virgil found he liked to listen to him. They tended to end up in this position whenever Patton was away, just talking as Virgil laid in his closet.

Eventually, Logan’s latest story tapered out. There was silence then for a few moments. Virgil stared up at the fake stars on the ceiling. The stars that Logan had made for him when he really did not have to. Virgil had not been expecting lights in the closet, let alone ones so beautiful and thoughtful. Not ones with stories behind them. Just days ago, if someone had told Virgil the prince would be keeping him in his closet for the next few weeks, Virgil wouldn’t have expected a blanket let alone all of this.

He turned his head to look at Logan. “What?” Logan asked.

“Your magic’s very beautiful,” Virgil said.

Logan seemed pleased by the complement, lighting up almost as much as the stars he made. “Well, it’s just a basic light spell,” he said, “though I did make some adjustments to them and the dimmer was a bit more difficult. Anyone could do it with practice.”

Virgil shook his head. “They’re special, I think,” he said. “Your magic’s different than most people.”

“How so?” Logan asked curiously.

“It’s gentle,” he said. “Gentle and warm, like eating the warm soup you fed me a couple of days ago.”

“And other people’s magic feels different?” he asked.

Virgil nodded. “I’ve met a lot of magic users, but it always felt bad. Usually it hurts or makes you feel sick or just makes you uncomfortable. Even healing magic always felt like bugs nibbling at my skin, but the potion you’ve been having me drink in the morning feels… safe. It doesn’t hurt or make me want to cry. It’s just good.”

“Magic often has much to do with the caster’s intentions,” Logan said.

“I think you could poison me gently.”

Logan made an odd expression. “That…” he said, nose scrunched. “That is a strange thing to say.”

Virgil cocked his head. “Is it?”

“Yes!” Logan said, shaking his head. “You are far too comfortable with the concept of death for your age.”

“I’m fourteen,” Virgil argued. “That’s old enough to be sent on missions without a blood compulsion!”

“…A what?” Logan asked.

“A blood compulsion,” Virgil said. “You know, with a multrum.” Logan was frowning at him. “One works in your gardens and you’re a prince. You had to at least have seen one or two. They take a bit of blood and multrums process it into a little bead. Then you’ve got to do what your told or it hurts a lot.”

“I know what a blood compulsion is,” Logan said. “I am simply wondering who would put one on a fourteen-year-old.”

“They don’t,” Virgil said. “They stop putting them on people when they turn fourteen.”

“And exactly what is the age range for it?” Logan asked. Virgil was almost startled by the way his tone was quickly hardening. He’d never heard him be that harsh even when he’d first woken up in his custody. It made Virgil tense up.

“They take kids usually when they’re about 8 and it’s a year of training before your sent on a mission so 9-13,” he said.

“That’s horrible,” Logan spat so violently that Virgil flinched. Logan didn’t seem to notice. “They force children to kill under a blood compulsion?”

“Well, no one really wants to do it without one when they’re that little. They get scared, and usually try to chicken out so…”

“So, they torture them unless they kill someone.”

“I mean… it’s not. They have to agree to the deal.”

“And if they don’t agree to it?” Logan asked.

Virgil thought back to the second time they’d made him get a blood compulsion. It had been with the multrum before Janus, a girl by the name of Alina. He’d made the mistake of hesitating on his first kill and faced the consequences before finally giving in and doing the job. When the second mission had come around, Virgil hadn’t wanted to accept the blood compulsion.

That had been the first time they’d made him drink a binding potion. Logan seemed to be able to get an idea about it by the look on his face.

“So, your options were to be tortured, be tortured in a different way, or murder someone.” Logan looked at him. “You said your fourteen. Have you ever even killed of your own volition?”

“I… no,” he admitted, but quickly added, “but that doesn’t mean I can’t. I know what I’m doing.”

“That explains a lot about your personality and reactions so far.”

Virgil rankled at that for some reason. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

Logan just stared at him for a long moment. “What they did, what they are doing isn’t right you know?” he said.

Virgil blinked at him but said nothing. He became more and more uncomfortable in the silence that ensued.

“Would you like to learn more about magic?” he asked. “There are many uses other then to hurt. I can teach you a few basics if you like.”

Virgil was confused about the topic change but was relieved about it. “Uh,” he thought. “Sure. That would be… interesting.”

Logan smiled at him. “I’ll set up something and we can work with it in the next few days. What would you like to learn?”

“Um, I have no idea. What is there?”

Logan considered it for a moment. “We could do a hair color changing potion. Or perhaps a small protection charm or I can teach you to make fire shapes.”

“Protection charm,” Virgil said without hesitation.

Logan gave him a sad smile. “Of course. I’ll start showing you how to make them tomorrow and we can actually make some the next day.”

“Okay,” Virgil agreed.

“Would you like to hear more about the stars?” he asked. Virgil nodded. He once again leaned into the closet to point and Virgil once again did not move to attack. Nor did he attack when that afternoon Patton turned his back on Virgil for far too long when they were alone. Nor did he when they settled him to bed once again in the closet. He told himself it was strategic, but he knew it wasn’t.

Chapter 12

Logan had needed to spend some time performing royal duties today which left Patton and Virgil alone after breakfast. Patton had started out trying to teach Virgil different board games. He’d seemed intrigued at first, but after a few games of checkers seemed to grow bored. Patton had gotten a blank stare when he’d asked if Virgil had any ideas about what to do for fun, so now he was trying to figure out something else they could do. He cast his eyes around at what Logan had in his bedroom.

“How about I read you a book?” he suggested.

Virgil seemed very intrigued by that idea. “Sure,” he said.

“Okay!” Patton said cheerfully. “He popped to his feet and glanced through the small shelf of fiction books Logan kept in his room. He decided to choose one of the lighter ones that Logan and he had liked to read when they were younger. “This one is called The Never-ending Garden,” Patton said. “It’s about a group of four children and their adventures in a garden. It’s full of magic and adventure and friendship! Is that alright with you?”

“It sounds good,” Virgil answered.

Patton happily walked back over to sit next to him. “It is!” he said.

First, he showed Virgil the picture on the cover of a wild looking garden with four kids roaming through it. One of the children was in a little red wagon being pulled by another one wearing a fancy hat. One of the others was walking, looking at a map while the last had a wooden sword. After giving Virgil a couple of moments too look at the picture, Patton cracked it open.

“We start with Lydia’s perspective,” Patton said. “She’s one of my favorites!” He pointed to a picture of a girl in a raincoat at the beginning of the chapter and Virgil leaned slightly closer to see. Then, Patton cleared his voice.

“It had been raining that day,” Patton began, “but Lydia had been so bored that she still begged her father to go out and play when the storm lightened into a sprinkle. He made her change from the yellow dress she had been wearing into the one she often used to help him garden because he knew she was certain to get herself muddy. Her younger brother Marcus asked if he could come too and though part of her wanted to say no because she wanted to explore on her own without her baby brother slowing her down, her father had taught her to be a good big sister, so she agreed to let him come.”

Patton watched Virgil out of the corner of his eye as he read about Lydia meeting up with the neighbor boy, Al, and the three children started to explore the garden in Lydia’s backyard. Virgil leaned in slightly to look at the pictures and listen to the story intently as the three children traveled deeper and deeper into the garden, but never made it to the back fence. They’d just made it to the part where they heard rustling behind the blackberry bush which Patton knew was the last main character, Melly, when Patton felt the need to adjust his posture a bit. Virgil moved in kind and ended up leaning further into Patton.

Without even really thinking about it, Patton brought his arm around to touch the top of his head. Virgil flinched the second Patton made content and Patton drew the hand away immediately. “Sorry,” he said with a wince. Patton was a naturally touching person and he’d been having trouble battling his instincts to cuddle everyone and everything while around Virgil, but he knew most touch was not welcome. The poor thing startled every time Patton went to touch him unannounced and even sometimes when he’d said something before doing it.

“I-it’s okay,” Virgil said.

Patton gave him a tight lipped smiled and turned back to the book.

He stilled a second later when Virgil leaned back in and their shoulders brushed. He blinked over at him. “Oh,” he said softly. “Do… do you want me to touch your hair?”

Virgil curled up into himself a little bit but then nodded.

“Okay,” Patton said. “I’m going to put my arm around you and do that then, okay?” He drew upon his years and years of convincing easily startled cats to allow him to give them pats as he slowly moved his arm back to where it had been before and gently touched the side of his head. He tensed, but didn’t startle this time, and so Patton gently ran his fingers through the hair a couple of times. Eventually, the tension bled out of him and he sort of slumped against Patton’s shoulder. Patton just barely restrained a coo before going back to reading. He continued to stroke the side of Virgil’s hair as he described the gang meeting up with Melly and them being told she was a fairy that lived in the garden.

He'd only gotten to the part about them finding the wagon when Virgil started to shift a bit uncomfortably, his neck craned in an awkward angle. Patton kept reading as he brought the hand in his hair down to his shoulder and pushed lightly. There was the slightest bit of resistance as Virgil didn’t know what he was trying to do, but then he allowed Patton to move him. Patton leaned back a bit and picked the book up off his lap before continuing to push him down. Virgil did not help at all, seeming confused about what was going on.

Patton had to poke him around until he was on his back laying across Patton’s lap. He grinned down at the boy who was looking at him in blatant bewilderment and propped the book up on his chest. He held it there with one of his hands and stretched the other out to resume messing with his hair. Virgil relaxed into the new position after a few minutes of reading, eyes shutting as he enjoyed the attention. His eyes would flicker open every time Patton moved to show him a picture, but other than that, he seemed content to not move.

Eventually, he stopped responding when Patton moved to show him the pictures.

“Are you asleep?” he asked quietly. When he didn’t get a response, he bookmarked the last picture Virgil had responded to, and then continued reading to himself.

Eventually, there was a knock at the door. It was the one he and Logan had decided on to tell the other one that it was just them and not to panic when the door opened. The door opened to Logan a moment later.

He paused, taking in the sight of the assassin sprawled across Patton’s lap like a sleepy kitten. He shook his head fondly and walked over to them on silent feet. He bent and pressed a hand to the top of Virgil’s hand. Virgil stirred just barely, but didn’t open his eyes, pressing into the touch a bit.

Logan smiled. “He wanted to learn how to make protection charms today. I assume you’d like to join us?” Patton perked up and nodded happily, making Logan chuckle softly. “I will go set it up then. Would you like another book for the time being?”

“Just the one I was reading last night would be nice,” Patton said.

“Of course.” Logan stepped away to grab it and handed it to him. Then, he disappeared into his potion’s lab. Patton smiled down at Virgil’s sleeping face and settled the new book onto his chest to replace the children’s book. He didn’t even stir.

Chapter 13

Logan was able to quickly set up the station for making protection charms. Patton had always liked making them, though he often used his more as fun accessories than for protection. The one he was going to show Virgil how to make was a very simple low level one used for little more than to keep bugs off of yourself and, in the event of a well made one, alert one to imminent danger by changing temperature. It was a nice thing to hold in the middle of the night if one was frightened by real or imagined threats. It would be warm to the touch when your environment was safe; he thought Virgil might appreciate it.

He and Patton decided to wait until Virgil woke up naturally which only took about 30 minutes. Then, Logan brought him to his set up supplies. He explained briefly the process for making a protection charm. “I will be the one performing the enchantment for today,” he told Virgil. “I will show you how to make your own later, but I thought seeing how to make them would help with the learning process.”

“Plus, it’s fun!” Patton said.

Logan flashed a smile at him. “And that as well. I’ve prepared a small number of possible pendants for you to choose from. You can choose the shape and color, then we will put on a custom engraving, as well as decorations.”

“Glitter! Glitter! Glitter! Glitter!”

“Yes, Patton, everyone knows you’re going to choose glitter,” Logan said, amused, “but why don’t we let Virgil decide for his own pendant?”

“Fine,” Patton said, “but mine will be glitter.”

Logan grabbed the box of blank pendants and offered it to Virgil. “Choose whichever one feels right,” he suggested. Virgil moved forward and looked over the box. “You can touch them,” Logan said. “In fact, I would suggest it as it is meant to be held when it’s done and you may as well get a feel for it.”

At his prompting, Virgil did. He reached into the box and shifted a few to the side. Eventually, he started picking a few up. “I like the crescent shape for holding the most he said,” holding a blue one up, but I don’t know.”

“What’s your favorite color?” Patton asked.

“Oh, um,” he mumbled. “I dunno.”

“Well here,” Patton said, reaching for the box. He dug through it and pulled out every single crescent moon shaped pendant and lined them up. “What do you fancy?”

Virgil considered them all for a long moment and then tentatively pointed the purple one out.

“Great!” Patton said. “Then, we’ll use that one.”

Virgil nodded and Patton picked up the pendant to drop it into his hands. His fingers curled over the shape and he seemed satisfied by the choice, so Logan turned to Patton. “Your turn,” he said.

Patton happily grabbed out a heart shaped blue one, but then paused and exchanged it for a purple one. “We match!” he said.

Virgil smiled slightly at his enthusiasm, and Logan dug out a blue crescent moon shape for himself. “Now that you have your base, you get to choose the engraving.” He opened up the instruction book to the correct page and showed it to him.

Virgil looked over the two pages of designs with carful focus. He wavered between the spiral sun and the flames for a moment, but eventually settled on the flames. Patton chose the interlocking hearts design as anticipated; it was his favorite, and Logan chose the spiral sun design for himself.

“Now, I’m going to engrave this design onto yours,” Logan said getting out the thin pen like instrument and dipping it into the slightly glowing bottle of potion he’d set out. “In the meantime, Patton will show you what we have for decorations.”

He was careful to get the symbol as perfect as he could and then started on Patton’s. Patton apparently managed to corrupt the boy because both of them came back with brushes and glitter to add as decoration.

Logan shook his head and handed them their freshly engraved pendants. “Apply the glitter how you like,” Logan said, moving on to his own engraving. Once he was finished, he selected some glow in the dark paint to decorate his own.

Once he’d finished decorating his own pendant, Logan looked up. “Are you finished?” he asked.

“Yep!” Patton said, shoving his pendant at Logan while Virgil nodded. Virgil had been far less enthusiastic than Patton, having carefully brushed glitter into the flame design only whereas Patton had haphazardly covered his own all over with glitter. Logan took both pendants.

“This,” Logan said, bringing over a different potion, “is used to make sure the decorations never fall off. It basically allows the other substances to become a part of the stone. “It isn’t too dangerous, but I’d suggest you stand back for the moment.”

Virgil stepped back farther back than was strictly necessary and gave the potion bottle a wary look. Logan moved all three pendants to the prepared surface (else they ran the risk of also getting stuck to the table) and put on gloves, having learned that magically gluing rocks to ones hands was not fun years ago. Then, he carefully drizzled a bit of the potion onto each rock. The rocks fizzled loudly, and Virgil gave off a startled yelp before toppling over flat on his face with his wrist glued to his sides.

“Oh no, honey,” Patton said immediately crouching next to him. “I’m sorry. We should have warned you about the noise.”

Logan wasn’t sure what type of action he’d tried to take when the sound started up, but whatever it was, it had caused him to move his arms fast enough that he’d activated the binding potion and it snapped his wrists to his side, overbalancing him.

Patton’s hands hovered over the startled boy, but he didn’t touch. After a few moments, it was clear that the magic keeping Virgil’s hands at his side released because his hands slowly crept forward to push himself up, so his face wasn’t planted against the ground. His eyes still looked incredibly startled.

“Are you alright?” Patton asked.

Virgil blinked. “Yeah, I’m fine,” he said.

Logan took his words as permission to move without risking startling him more. Virgil’s eyes bopped back and forth between him and Patton a few times as he crossed to his wall of potions and grabbed one.

He also selected a clean cloth from a basket on his way over to them. “A light healing potion,” Logan explained as he knelt in front of Virgil. He uncorked it. “May I?”

“I’m fine,” Virgil said with a frown. “I’m not even bleeding. It’s barely anything.”

“Which is why it’s a light healing potion,” Logan said. “You are sure to bruise with the way you hit. This will prevent it and make it stop hurting.”

“Okay,” Virgil agreed after a moment. Logan dribbled a bit out onto the rag. After a moment of thought, he touched the damp part of the cloth with his own finger, just to quash any fears that it would harm him.

“It will tingle slightly,” Logan warned. Virgil tilted his face to let him dab it onto his nose and the light scrape on his face. His nose scrunched up and he moved to rub the sensation away quickly only to have his arms slam back to his sides.

Patton caught him so the sudden involuntary movement didn’t cause him to fall back, and then giggled when Virgil titled his head to what could only be described as pout back at him.

“Aw, poor thing,” Patton cooed, reaching forward to rub a hand across the top of his nose and then his forehead where the potion had been applied for him.

“Better?” Patton asked.

“You’re really bad at this being captors thing,” Virgil commenting, willingly leaning back into Patton. Patton just smiled happily.

Logan took the bottle and got to his feet, before returning it, and then glanced at the pendants as Patton helped Virgil to his feet. The pendants had stopped fizzing, so Logan felt okay reaching in and grabbing them all.

He handed both Patton and Virgil their pendants when they walked closer to the table.

“And now for the actual enchantment,” Logan said. “For today, I already prepared the potion up to the last step as it has to sit for a few hours, but I will show you the last step and eventually teach you everything if you are still interested.”

Virgil nodded, but said. “No more noises?”

Logan smiled. “No more noises,” he confirmed. Then he pushed forward all of the ingredients he was about to put in the pot for Virgil to study one by one before putting them each in it in the correct order. Then he demonstrated how to stir it correctly and told him how many times, though he doubted he’d be able to retain all of the information from this one demonstration. “There,” he said, setting down his spoon. “Now we just all put our pendants into the pot, and they should be ready in 25 minutes.”

Logan showed Virgil around his potion’s lab while they waited, explaining what certain pieces of equipment did and a bit about his organization system. Virgil followed him around, looking at the things he pointed out curiously. He, however, got very distracted when Logan showed him one of the experiments he’d concocted. It was a thick liquid that was super attracted to itself and would form a small ball that could be disturbed by touching it. He seemed to like the sensation of squishing it down onto a table… over and over and over again.

“We should get him a ball of yarn,” Patton said out of the corner of his mouth. He may have been enjoying watching Virgil play with the substance more than Virgil was enjoying playing with it himself. And that was saying something.

21984

Eventually, however, the pendants were finished, and he dragged Virgil away from his new toy to show him the finished product.

“What do you think?” he asked.

“Is it supposed to be warm?” Virgil inquired.

“Yes,” Logan replied. “It’s temperature changes based on if the magic on it senses a threat or not. Warmer temperatures mean you are safe.

“Oh,” Virgil said softly, hand squeezing around it. “I like it.”

Logan found himself smiling. “I’m glad. It’s yours.”

“Thank you,” he said.

“If you would like, I’m sure Patton has some suggestions if you’d desire a way to keep it attached to your person. He in particular likes to make them into necklaces or clip them to his clothing.”

Virgil looked over at Patton and nodded shyly. Patton immediately perked up. “I’ll go get some supplies!” he said.

Chapter 14

“So then,” Patton was saying. “We ran to the stables.”

“We went to gazebo first,” Logan cut in.

“Right, we tried to go to the gazebo first,” Patton corrected, “but Mr. Deknis was over there tending to the tomatoes, and we knew he’d tell Mama the second he saw us. So, then we turned around and went to the stables.”

Virgil tilted his head, listening to the story Patton was telling. Patton was not the best storyteller. He tended to get lost in the middle and embellish, though Logan always corrected him. It was still very entertaining to watch though because he got incredibly animated. He’d even toppled himself over in excitement a couple of times.

Virgil squeezed the small pillow he had in his lap. He… wasn’t 100% sure what was going on. Logan and Patton had settled him on the blanket covered ground near Logan’s bed and proceeded to feed him snacks and talk about a lot of different things. It had started with them talking about what they’d done that day, and when Patton had made reference to something Virgil hadn’t understood, the two of them ended up talking about things from their childhood.

Virgil found himself entranced by their stories about playing in and running around the castle. It was all so different from what Virgil had experienced.

“…but, right as we were about to get to the ladder to climb up into the hay loft, Logan tripped!” Patton said, arms whipping around him. “He fell into a container of grain for the horses and it spilled all over the place. He tried to get up but grabbed the edge of the water trough and apparently it wasn’t very secure because it fell over and soaked him. So, then he was wet and covered in grain. He looked hilarious.”

“I did not!” Logan protested, but it did not sound like all of the other times he’d corrected Patton’s stories that night.

Patton looked over at him. “You did! You woke up the cute stable hand and he laughed himself silly at you, and by the time we got you even partially cleaned up, your dad had already found us. That’s how we got caught.”

“I have no recollection of these events,” Logan clearly lied, his cheeks a bit flushed.

“Liar,” Patton claimed. “You complained about picking grain out of your sheets for weeks.”

“No,” Logan growled.

“Yes! It’s okay. It was a good laugh.”

Logan’s eyes narrowed on him, and he looked pissed, but a second later, his expression lightened up. “You know what else was a ‘good laugh’?” he asked.

There was a second of silence before…

“Don’t you dare Logan.”

Logan looked him directly in the eye. “Patton was thirteen,” Logan started, but was interrupted the next moment when Patton lobbed a pillow at his head. Logan grabbed the pillow and leaned forward to smack Patton back with it. “He was thirteen and had just ‘discovered boys’ as his mother and my father called it when they attempted to explain his behavior to me. The focus of said ‘discovering’ at the time was the son of an ambassador from Lamir” who was staying for the summer, a seventeen-year-old boy by the name Bernardo.”

Virgil flinched back as Patton suddenly threw himself across the semicircle they’d made with their bodies to tackle Logan to the ground. He watched as they ineffectually wrestled on the ground for a few seconds before Logan, voice strained continued to speak, while battling Patton’s hands away from his mouth.

“Patton’s only knowledge about flirting… ow… at that point was laughing at everything someone said and touching their arms and shoulders.” Logan managed to flip himself onto his stomach which was a horrible move as far as Virgil was concerned. It put him at a disadvantage to get out of the pin. However, Patton just kept reaching for his mouth and didn’t bare down on his neck to try to cut off his oxygen like Virgil expected. So, perhaps it was a rational move. “Our parents were speaking leaving Patton, Bernardo, and I in the garden,” Logan mumbled into the ground. “Bernardo said something ‘funny’ and Patton went to slap his shoulder while laughing, but shoved too hard… Patton did you just lick my face?!”

“And I’ll do it again if you don’t shut up!” Patton threatened. That was a… weird fighting strategy.

Logan paused to consider his options. “He shoved Bernardo into the fountain and when Bernardo asked him why he did that, he ran away and wouldn’t talk to him the rest of the summer!” Logan rushed out.

Patton reached over and grabbed the nearest pillow, proceeding to whack him viciously in the back of the head. Logan was lucky the nearest object was a pillow and not something any sturdier. “It’s not funny!” Patton yelled, smacking him even more, which was when Virgil realized Logan was laughing despite the pinning and pillow pummeling. “It’s not!” Patton said. “I really liked him!!”

“He was seventeen!” Logan said. “It was never going to happen!”

Patton groaned and rolled off of Logan to lay on his back and stare at the ceiling. “But he had so many muscles,” Patton said. “He probably could have thrown me 10 yards.”

“And that is… a benefit?” Logan asked, rolling over onto his side to face him.

“You don’t. Get me.” Patton tilted his head to look at Virgil. “Anyway,” he said. “That is the story of how I died at 13.”

Virgil stared at him, and Patton’s forehead crinkled looking at him.

“Is something wrong, honey?” he asked.

“What was that?” Virgil asked.

“What was what?”

Virgil just blinked at him. Patton seemed to think for a moment.

“Oh, did you think we were fighting?” Patton asked. “Like, really fighting?”

“You weren’t fighting?” Virgil asked.

“No, sweetie,” Patton said. “We were just playing.” He popped up into a sitting position. “Well, play fighting, but emphasis on play!”

Virgil looked over at Logan for confirmation. “No one is harmed nor was there any intention to harm each other,” he assured.

Patton grabbed the pillow he’d been smacking Logan with. “Like this!” he said. “Bap.” Unlike how he’d smacked Logan ruthlessly, he basically just touched Virgil’s shoulder with it.

Virgil squinted at him.

“Bap!” Patton said again, smacking him again, this time with a little bit more force and on the cheek. Virgil’s nose scrunched up. “Pillow fight!”

“Pillow fight?”

“You try,” he said, pointing to the pillow in Virgil’s lap.

Virgil glanced down at the bands around his wrist. “Um…” he said. “I don’t think I can?”

“Oh, right,” Patton said with a frown. He bit his lip and glanced over at Logan. “Maybe…”

“Ill-advisable,” Logan said.

“But…” Patton said. “Pillow fight.”

“We would have to be very cautious and make sure there were no weapons in the area.”

“No weapons but pillows!”

“Fine,” Logan relented to whatever was going on. “Let’s clear the area.” Virgil watched them with mounting confusion as they removed everything within a few meters radius of him except for pillows and blankets.

“There!” Patton said after a minute. “All done!”

“What are you doing?” Virgil said.

“We’re going to have a pillow fight,” Patton said.

“But I…”

“We’ll temporarily allow your restraints to be in the third setting like when you’re in the closet.”

Were they serious? Were they stupid? Virgil could have killed them dozens of times with the second setting and now they were giving him even more range of motion?

“You have to promise not to try to hurt anyone though,” Patton said. Virgil stared at him dumbly, as Patton held out his pinky finger. “Pinky promise.”

“Pinky promise?”

Patton nodded solemnly. “We lock pinky fingers and make a promise. It’s the most binding promise in the universe.”

Virgil looked at his finger, confused. He’d never heard of that type of deal. “What kind of magic is it?”

“No magic,” Patton said. “Just friendship.” Virgil tilted his head but brought his hand up so Patton could twine their fingers together. “Now, promise you won’t hurt anyone.”

“I promise I won’t hurt anyone,” he said.

“It’s a deal!” said Patton, squeezing Virgil’s finger with his own briefly before drawing away. “I trust you.” Virgil felt a rush of something that was no type of magic he’d ever come into contact before but was definitely far more powerful.

Logan came over to them and waved his hand over the restraints on Virgil. They buzzed slightly and Virgil looked between them. “So, I just hit you with pillows?”

“Try not to hit too hard near the face, and Lo and I should probably take off our glasses before we start, but yeah,” Patton said, taking his glasses off as he said it. It was yet another foolish move on his part. “It’s fun, and it doesn’t hurt.”

“Okay…” Virgil said.

“I will demonstrate,” Logan said as he took a pillow and smacked Patton in the stomach.

“Hey! No fair!” Patton giggled. “We haven’t started yet!” This did not deter Logan however, as he continued to smack Patton with a pillow.

“On the contrary,” he said. “It has started, and we’re getting you first.”

“No,” Patton whined, but the way he crumpled to the ground under the onslaught seemed far too staged to make Virgil worry. He didn’t even try to curl up into a ball or to protect his head, just taking the hits and giggling.

Logan looked up at Virgil and motioned with his head. Virgil inched over and looked down at Patton. Logan slowed for a few moments. “Go on,” he urged.

Virgil bit his lip and reached forward to smack Patton lightly with his pillow which seemed to do nothing to him but renew his peels of giggles. From there, it was easy to continue. Logan picked up the pace of his strikes and he and Virgil proceeded to ‘fight’ Patton until he couldn’t breath through his laughter and pushed the pillows away, curling up on his side to recover.

23897

“No what?” Virgil asked when Patton sat up.

“Now I get vengeance!” Patton said, popping to his feet and smacking Logan in the face. “Help me Virgil!” So, Virgil turned on Logan and he and Patton gave the prince the same treatment. Then, because it was only fair, it was Virgil’s turn, though they were a lot more careful with him then they’d been with each other, and really Patton spent more of the time checking in on Virgil then actually hitting him with the pillow. It was nice. Fun. And when Virgil pushed them away, they pulled back. Then, it was Patton’s turn again and they went around teaming up on each other and sometimes just smacking at each other at random.

Eventually, they slowed, and all ended up laying near each other on the floor.

“Well, that made me hungry,” Patton said, sitting up and stretching. “I asked Mama to make us a bunch of mini sandwiches with different flavors. I’ll go get them.”

He hopped to his feet to walk over to where they’d stored the food earlier in those little glowing magical balls Logan had for food preservation.

Logan and Virgil sat up too, and Virgil offered him his wrists.

“Right,” Logan said with a blink. He made a motion and Virgil could feel the magic weighing down his hands once again. He’d almost forgotten, Virgil thought with an internal sigh. They’d given an assassin free range of motion, had a pillow fight with him, and almost forgotten to restrain him again. What was Virgil going to do with these idiots?

Chapter 15

Patton strolled up to the doors to the royal wing, his arms crossed casually around his middle.

Kalani raised an eyebrow as he approached and gave her the most innocent expression he could. “Whatcha got there, Pat?” she asked.

“Hmm?” he asked, as his sweater squirmed. “What do you mean?”

She considered him for a moment. “Well, I see nothing suspicious here,” she said. “Do you Owen?”

“Nothing,” he replied without hesitation.

Patton grinned at them both.

Kalani leaned in like she was going to tell him a secret. “Who is it?”

Patton made a show of glanced around like he was hiding it from anyone passing by. Then he shifted around to pull up just the bottom of his sweater.

A small black paw reached out from the depths of his sweater and swatted at the air.

“Ah, I see,” Kalani said, reaching out to touch the little paw. “Hello, Mittens.”

Patton giggled as Owen poked the cat’s stomach gently through the sweater, making her wiggle a bit and try to bite him.

“Well,” Patton said. “I better be off with my totally normal sweater.”

Kalani nodded and stepped to the side, and Patton was free to head down the hallway to Logan’s room. Patton knocked on the door with their new extra secret knock and Logan all but ripped open the door. “I’m late. I have to go,” he said, darting past Patton.

Patton smiled, happy that his plan to be running a little late to come watch Virgil had worked so well, even though he felt a little bit guilty about it. He hoped Logan wasn’t late to his meeting, but he also knew that if Logan had noticed Mittens, he wouldn’t have let her into the room.

Virgil was already out of the closet, sitting on one of the chairs. Patton came in and smiled at him. Unlike Logan, Virgil’s attention was immediately drawn to the oddly shaped lump in Patton’s sweater.

“You’re not very good at hiding things,” Virgil said.

“It worked on Logan,” Patton defended himself.

“Logan was about to rocket into space if you didn’t show up in 5 seconds,” Virgil pointed out. Patton just shrugged, and Virgil tilted his head. “What do you have?”

Patton grinned wide and carefully pulled Mittens out of his sweater. She did not resist this maneuver at all, simply purring. He held her up for Virgil to see. “Ta da!”

“A cat?” Virgil said.

“This is Mittens,” Patton said. He then turned to Mittens. “Mittens, this is Virgil. I thought I’d introduce the two of you!”

Virgil blinked at the cat. Mittens blinked back. Patton thought maybe he should have let them sniff each other from under a door before doing this.

He didn’t need to worry though, as Mittens started purring after a moment. “You can pet her,” Patton offered. Virgil looked up at him. “Just…” he said.

“She likes chin scratchies!” Patton prompted.

Virgil reached out a hand to scratch under her chin and that was the end of it. Mittens stretched out her chin happy to get the attention and Virgil’s eyes widened at how soft her fur was. It was a work of minutes before Virgil was sitting down on the floor and Mittens was happily kneading his thighs and spinning around in circles to make sure he pet every inch of her.

“I did not understand why people like cats,” Virgil commented. “All I’ve seen of cats is people coming back with bloody scratches from trying to pet them, so I never even tried.”

“Well,” Patton said. “Cats are just like people. If you’re nice to them, they’re more likely to be nice to you.”

Virgil’s hand paused briefly on the cat’s head, but then continued with the petting a moment later. Patton wondered what he was thinking about, but didn’t press.

“She seems to like you,” Patton said.

“Don’t know why.”

“Hey, don’t be mean.” Patton scolded.

Virgil hands jerked away from the cat he’d been petting and then were forced abruptly to his side in reaction. Mittens meowed, seemed very unhappy with the jostling as well as the sudden lack of petting.

“Sorry,” Virgil said, eyes wide. “What did I do wrong. I didn’t mean to be mean to her.”

It took Patton a moment to sus out what he was talking about and felt a pang in his chest when he did. “Oh, no honey. You didn’t do anything wrong. I meant don’t be mean to yourself.”

Virgil gave him a confused look. Mittens bumped her head against his chin and with a blink, he cautiously went back to petting her.

“Of course, she likes you sweetie, you’re a good boy.”

“I came here to kill the king. I’ve killed before.”

Patton smiled sadly. “I don’t think you ever wanted to,” he said. Virgil seemed to grow very interested in mitten’s ears. Patton scooted over so he was sitting beside him and carefully brought a hand up to touch the top of his head. Virgil sort of curled into him, pressing his face against Patton’s shoulder, but continuing to pet the cat.

“It’s fine. You’re going to be okay now,” Patton said softly.

Virgil shook his head against Patton’s shoulder.

“Yes,” Patton insisted. “You’ll be okay. You won’t have to go back.”

Virgil didn’t respond for a long moment. “You can’t keep me in Logan’s closet forever,” he said softly. “When his dad comes back, you’re going to have to turn me in.”

Well, that was true, but… “It’ll be okay. No one will hurt you.”

“The kings would be assassin?” Virgil asked skeptically.

“Thomas is nice. He’ll understand.”

“He’s nice to you. He’s nice to Logan. Maybe he’s even nice to the people he rules over, but what am I? An enemy assassin who would have slit his throat if I hadn’t gotten the wrong room.”

It…it did sound bad when he put it like that, but, but… “Thomas will understand,” he promised, hugging him tight. “He will, and we’ll keep you safe and I’ll introduce you to every single cat in the castle. In fact, we’ll get you a cat to keep as a pet if you want and he or she can snuggle you as much as you want. I’ll show you all around the gardens and introduce you to Mama and help you figure out what your favorite type of cookie is. You’ll never have to hurt anyone again and no one will ever hurt you again.”

Virgil drew away a bit and shot him a half smile. He clearly didn’t believe him, and it made Patton’s stomach twist a bit. Patton knew. He knew Thomas would be nice. There was no way he’d hurt Virgil. Virgil was just a kid and with Logan and Patton on his side, there was no way anything bad would happen to him. He could see it from Virgil’s perspective though.

“I like her feet,” Virgil said, touching Mittens’ little black paw that contrasted her otherwise white coat. Mittens purred and began kneading his legs again with those paws. “I’m guessing that’s why she’s named Mittens?”

“Yeah,” said Patton softly. “‘Cause she looks like she’s wearing mittens.” Virgil leaned forward to kiss her little head and that little action made Patton’s heart ache for him. He deserved so many kitten kisses. So many.

Patton was determined to make sure he got them.

Chapter 16

“Well done,” Logan complimented when Virgil looked up at him for approval. It was the first time Virgil was trying to make the protection charms without Logan’s instructions. Logan was of course still in the room in case he had questions and the boy had a written set of instructions next to him, but for the most part Virgil was doing it on his own.

“Now,” Virgil said squinting down at the paper next to him, “we wait for 35 minutes.”

“Fifty actually,” Logan corrected offhand, focused on his own potion.

“Oh, yeah, right,” Virgil said. He grabbed the timer and set it for the appropriate time.

Then, he stepped away from Logan’s nontoxic potion station. Logan saw him edge a bit closer to peak at what Logan was working on, though he was careful to maintain a distance. Logan wasn’t sure if this was because he’d been warned of the possible harmful substances Logan sometimes used at his experiment table or because he was worried Logan might not want him to approach.

Logan looked up at him. “You can come closer. Nothing here is very dangerous.”

Virgil nodded and walked over to peer at the boiling pot. “What are you making?” he asked.

“I am once again attempting to invent a potion that will reliably remove cat hair from surfaces,” Logan said, glancing over at Patton.

Patton looked up from the bracelet he was making and stuck his tongue out at Logan.

“I can never seem to find an adequate solution,” Logan said.

“The solution is to accept all parts of kitty love!” Patton insisted.

“Or maybe the solution is to exile you from my room for the rest of time,” Logan muttered. Patton chose to ignore him and go back to working on the bracelet.

“Do you want any help?” Virgil offered Logan.

Logan smiled at him. “I’m actually almost finished with this step and there isn’t much left to do but thank you.”

Virgil nodded. “Oh, okay,” he said. He shifted back and forth a few times.

“You’re well on your way to mastering this potion,” Logan said. “I was thinking that next I could teach you how to make a tracking charm. I marked a passage about it in the book on that shelf.” He gestured to one near the station Virgil had been working at. “Why don’t you go ahead and read that while you wait?”

“The…” Virgil said. “The green book?”

“Yes,” Logan said. “I left a bookmark in the correct page.”

“Um… yeah, sure. I’ll go… read that.”

Logan nodded and turned back to put the finishing touches on his own potion as Virgil walked away.

Logan finished up his potion up after a few minutes and covered it to let it simmer. He looked over to see that Patton had flopped onto his back, still working on the bracelet and Virgil had sat near to him with the book on his lap open. Logan walked over to them.

“What do you think?” Logan asked.

Virgil glanced up at him. “Erm,” he said. “Looks good.”

“Which option do you like better?”

“…The second one.”

“Really?” Logan asked, surprised.

“Uh… yes?”

“I’m surprised,” Logan commented. “I figured you would shy away from the ones that required a blood sacrifice.”

Virgil’s eyes widened. “Oh,” he said. “I… didn’t notice that. I would like to not do that one, please.”

“You didn’t notice?” Logan asked. “Half of the entire first page is dedicated to a discussion of it.”

There was a beat of awkward silence.

“Virgil,” Logan said. “Can you read the first paragraph on that page?”

#proofread stories #not writing

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finelinesolo · 4 years

Text

Rules are Rules - a Ben Solo One Shot (AU)

Rating: EXPLICIT (smut)

Summary: You work at the busiest bar in the city, and one night Ben Solo comes in. Small talk, small talk — you two end up in the bathroom.

Notes: thank you for 600 on twitter!! xo’s - Lizzie

Maybe it was the freezing New York City air or maybe the lack of caffeine in your system was finally getting to you, but goosebumps danced across your arms frantically – sending a chilling shiver down your spine. There was nothing you hated more than working the closing shift, especially on Fridays. Being a bartender was fun at times and the money was pretty good, but having to be the one to kick the drunks out after last call and listen to them bitch and groan about their wives hating them or their lives falling apart was a chore no one wanted to do.

As hard as you begged, no one seemed to want to cover your shift. You were halfway tempted to just call in sick, electing not to out of fear of your boss raising hell to fire you.

A groan slipped from your lips when you heard the banging speakers and screaming people pour out of the door, their legs barely keeping them afloat as they stumbled down the street. Did you bring your Advil today? Better yet, would the Advil be enough to get you through this? You knew the answer was no, but ignorance is bliss – and that would be the only thing to save you now.

Popping the medicine into your mouth, you step through the door – already counting the seconds until you could clock off.

You knew wiping down counters repeatedly was only fun for so long, but anything was better than making strawberry martinis and cosmos for the bridal party that came in tonight. The minute they entered, you tossed the main bar to your co-worker, electing to take over bottle service and the occasional table wipe down. The tasks irritated you to no end, but every time one of the girls released a shriek pitched high enough to break glass, you hugged the rag in your hand a little tighter.

Before you could start on another table, you felt the seat next to you pull out - and man with a mop of black hair and an electric smile plopping down. His eyes lingered on yours - the hazel color swallowing you whole. He was cute, you hated to admit. It was easier for you to pretend that everyone who came into this place was a slob, however you had never wanted to be wrong more in your life.

“Bottle girl tonight, I see.” He said, raising a hand at the waitress to put an order in. His eyes drifted down to your legs, sitting there for a second before flashing back to meet your gaze. “Nice legs, by the way. You’re always behind the bar, I’ve never seen them before.” He cocked a lazy smile at your co-worker, lazily ordering a whiskey neat. She glanced up at you before scurrying off, swaying her hips in the process. To impress this guy, you guessed. A small giggle fell from your lips, causing his eyes to fall back on you. You tried to suppress your laughter, but it came anyways.

“Something funny?” He asked, crossing his arms across his chest. The position drew attention to the muscles laced through his arms, your throat closing momentarily at the sight. “No, not at all. You enjoyed the show, I assume?” You ask, lifting your head to gesture at your co-worker. He rolled his eyes, leaning forward onto the table. “Every time I’m in here she does the same thing - maybe I should keep track, throw her a party when she hits 100.” Oh, so he had jokes. You rack your brain to remember who he was, drawing a blank after a few moments. “You’re a regular, I assume?” You ask, dropping your rag on his table to at least try to make it look like you are working so your boss didn't chew you out. He nodded; eyes steady on the bar to track his drink. “You don’t remember me? Ouch, that stings. I’ll remember that the next time I tip.” You knew he was kidding, his tone of voice said that much. He squinted his eyes at you, studying your expression. There wasn’t much to see, clearly - his gaze returning to the line of drinks forming on the counter.

“I’m Ben, Ben Solo. And you?” His voice was loud, the sound carrying through the booming music that busted your ear drums on the daily. “I’m Y/N - it’s nice to meet you, Ben.” It was a cute name, for a cute guy. You wondered if there was something deeper here - like maybe he was a serial killer and came here looking for girls to murder. You’d seen some creepy guys come through here, but he didn’t seem like one. Creepy guys don’t dress this well – his torso was framed tightly by a black dress top, his bottom half matched with plain jeans. Black boots sealed the look, and you couldn’t help but wonder what was hiding underneath all those buttons.

“So, Ben, what do you do?” You ask, throwing the rag over your shoulder so you could lean closer. He noticed, resting his chin on his palm to meet your distance. “I’m a pilot, but I live here. I have the next couple days off.” A pilot. This man was a rich, successful, pilot – so what was he doing in this part of town, getting drinks from the busiest dive bar in the city? “And what about you, bottle girl? Are you a full-time bartender or do you live a double life?” He smiled softly at you, the curve of his lips forcing you to return the grin. “I’m that predictable, huh? Yeah, Speech Pathology student by day, slave to the drink by night.” He raised his eyebrow, the emotion behind it was unreadable. “Speech Pathology, huh? So, you’re an expert with mouth movement, huh?” His tone shifted towards the end, the weight of it growing stronger - like it was sitting on your chest. Yes, your major included those techniques - something your friends loved to tease you about. No one you’d slept with really cared, yet here was this man already using it to his favor. “Somewhat, yes. Why? Are you looking for a lesson?” A bold statement, you knew. Normally you’d never engage a customer, but in your eyes – this man didn’t count. His face shifted to glance back at the bar, his drink still not there. You hoped they forgot to make it - that maybe you’d be able to steal him before he got it. Before you could ask again, you felt his hand land on your thigh - his fingers drawing soft circles as they traveled up towards your hip. “How much time do you have?” He asked, the heat radiating from him warming your skin.

“As much as you're willing to give me.” The distance between you two grew smaller and smaller until you were practically sitting in his lap, your leg draped softly over his bottom half. Your face loomed over his, standing up having given you the high ground. The bar grew more crowded, the hoard of dancers covering you two from the judging glances of your co-workers – something you’d remember to thank God for later. He raised his jaw, gesturing towards the one family bathroom the building had. There wasn’t a line for it, something that rarely happens. Nodding in agreement, he snatches your hand to drag you forward. His legs carried him faster than you could keep up with, and it wasn’t until now that you realized how tall he was. No wonder he could make a b-line so quick, the man was easily 6’3.

Once inside the room, Ben wrapped his arms around your waist – turning you to press your back against the door as it shut. His lips softly brushed against yours’s, the hum of your chests reverberating against each other. He had big hands, another thing you didn’t notice until now. One sprawled against your hip, the other grasped the back of your neck tightly. The air was thick with the smell of spilt liquor and sweat from the dance floor - a trait you normally detested, but with Ben this close, you could faintly smell his cologne - a mix of sandalwood and mint fluttered in your nose. You wanted nothing more than for him to kiss you, but he wasn’t playing that game this evening. He wasn’t vanilla, clearly – your heart pounded at the thought of what he was capable of.

“Sweetheart,” his voice was sweet like candy, but was still coated with that same dark tone you enjoyed so much before. His breath was hot on your skin, the bottom of his lip tucked between his top teeth for just a second as he contemplated his next sentence. “How much are you willing to do?” The question was dumb, but you appreciated it, nonetheless. “In what way, Ben?” You asked, your lashes fluttering softly to not squirm away from his touch. It was driving you crazy, and he knew it too – his hands digging a little deeper into your skin. “I want all of you, every inch. But are you going to be good and let me take my time with you or can you not handle it?” His words dripped with intensity, and you fought the urge to audibly gasp. You were on the clock, but the idea of going back to work right now sounded like an unusual form of torture. You nod, slowly – watching that same grin you saw earlier form on his mouth. He loved this, clearly. And you did too, shockingly enough. Normally you’d never hook up with someone in a bathroom, but it was just your luck that it had been deep cleaned before rush tonight.

“Any rules?” You asked, your arms wrapping around his neck. The gesture was so normal to you, yet he managed to reject it so fast – his hands grabbing yours to pin them above your head.

“Yes, a few.”

Whether it was shock or excitement that was heating your face, you didn’t care. The force behind his actions was electrifying, every move he made left you wondering what would come next. His eyes caught yours, silently asking to continue. You nod, maintaining eye contact as you twitched beneath him.

“You don’t do anything without asking. You even try to cum before I let you and I’ll pull away.” His voice got quiet as he nudged your head to get at your neck, placing soft kisses along your jaw. The pace was agonizing, his tongue dragging a small line across your skin. You groaned under your breath, the feeling causing your knees to wobble.

“You’re not allowed to touch me.” The rule was mind-boggling, and you weren’t sure how you’d be able to follow it. He was built like a marble statue, and the idea of not being able to drag your fingers across his figure seemed impossible.

“And what if I break it?” You ask, your voice faltering as he sucked on the skin below your earlobe. The soft laugh that escaped his lips sounded borderline threatening, his grip on your wrists only tightening. “Do you want me to leave you here to finish yourself?” No. No you did not.

“Rules are rules, sweetheart.” His voice carried through your ears like a melody.

Nodding, you mentally sign off on his rules. It’s not like what he was asking for was totally insane, you had seen much worse watching the people who came into this bar. His grip on your wrists changed, transferring both into one hand while he brought the other to grasp your hip. Your mouth released a soft moan at his touch, everything he did elicited a reaction from deep within you. It wasn’t long before you felt his lips on yours, the soft pillow-like texture clouding your thoughts. His kiss was unlike anything you’d felt before – like they were custom fit for yours’s, or that they had molded so quickly to fit your every movement. He turned his head to the side to angle deeper, swiping his tongue softly against your bottom lip to earn entry – and who were you to deny him that?

You wanted nothing more than to grab a fistful of his hair and pull it for strength, but that was clearly not an option now. He had open reign of your body, his free hand roaming up under your shirt to unclasp your bra.

With one hand? A talent.

Before you could realize it, your top half was exposed – he analyzed your every inch as if he was afraid, he’d miss a part. No one had ever taken in all of you like this, the nerves of being open to him causing you to shiver. He felt it, you assumed – releasing your wrists.

“Don’t move them - are we clear?” You nod, keeping your arms pressed against the door. His big hands slid up your side while he kissed down your collarbone and over the top of your chest. Hot air pounded against your forehead from the lack of AC that ever pumped into this room. You’d never had a fond memory here, but you were sure this would quickly top the list.

His lips clasped around your nipple fervently, as if he were in a rush – and maybe he was, you were at work and the risk of someone drunkenly stumbling through the door to puke was high. Your mind was racing, not able to place thoughts to actions as he dragged his tongue along your skin. The lights flickered softly, growing dimmer every passing second. It was like the further he got along your body, the darker it got. Ben didn’t seem to notice, focused on the task at hand. He stepped back momentarily, unbuttoning his shirt as fast as he could.

“You just want me to stand here like this, huh?” You asked, your wrists resting against the cold metal of the door. A kink was a kink, you guessed – but this was the first you’d met someone who didn’t want you to touch them. You’d read about it time to time, and seen it in that 50 shades movie - but this was a real person with real rules, and you couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if you broke them.

A dash of courage races through your head, your hands working for you. Ben was so lost in unbuttoning his shirt, he didn’t notice you lurch forward to place your hands on his chest. His eyes flew open, shock splashed across his face. He didn’t stop you, his eyes intently staring at your every movement. As predicted, his body was stunning. The build of his torso was like something out of a dream, soft skin draped over toned muscle. His breath was shallow as your hand fell lower – a reaction that only encouraged you to go further. Oddly enough, he still wasn’t stopping you - he let you continue your exploration, watching your fingers fumble with the button of his pants. It popped open quietly, causing the hemline to drop slightly past his hip, exposing more skin. You raise your eyes to meet his gaze, hoping he’d let you continue.

The rules. You were doing a shit job at following them, and he was either playing a trick on you to see if you’d get back in line, or he didn’t care – and Ben didn’t seem like the kind of guy to forgive so easily.

Steadily, you raise your hands in defeat – stepping back against the door as he asked to stay before. Pride washed across his face, his frame towering over you as he pressed up against you again.

“Good girl.”

He returned his mouth to yours, an exhale of relief leaving lips in the process. Your stomach did 180 flips every time he touched you, and you couldn’t help but want to run your fingers through his hair and pull. This was the point, clearly – he knew that you not being able to touch him would drive you crazy, and he was right.

Ben slapped your legs softly, gesturing for you to jump into his arms. Wrapping your legs around his hips, you had assumed that meant the no touch rule was over – clearly not, because before you could finally touch his hair, he used one hand to catch them as he strode across the room to place you on the sink. You groan in frustration – desperate to feel his hot skin against your palm. He laughed softly under his breath, hiking your skirt up to let it pool at your hips. Ben stood in between your legs, his size keeping them spread far apart. The cold porcelain pressed into your thighs, goosebumps appearing in its place. The warmth from the man in front of you was enough to suppress them, his arms returning to their place around your hips. He softly kissed down your face, stopping at your lips.

“Do you want my mouth?”

Blunt, yes. You’ve noticed that he was straight to the point, a trait you’d normally detest. But it was hot on him. Everything was.

“Yes, yes please.”

Ben smirked, getting down on his knees to place a hand on your stomach – pressing you against the mirror. The glass chilled you to your spine, a small gasp escaping your lips from the contact. He either didn’t notice or didn’t care, placing soft kisses along your inner thigh to tease you.

“Ben, please.” You begged, swallowing your pride out of desperation to feel him. Nerves wracked your chest and you weren’t sure why. You’d hooked up with people before, even in public once or twice - but this was the first time you’d felt immobile in front of a man, as if your body only acted because he told it too. He noticed your trance, hooking a finger on your underwear to move it to the side. He let out a puff of cold air, the contact causing your legs to fly up. He didn’t care, leaning back a bit to prop your knees on his shoulders for a better angle.

It was a quick second before you felt his mouth on you, the pressure that was building up in your stomach immediately releasing at the feeling. Your hands found purchase on the side of the sink, the sudden thought of his rules reminding you to not grab at his hair. He licked in zig-zag formation, his tongue pressing in harder after landing on your clit. The air was sucked from your lungs, a moan forcing its way out. Ben wrapped his arms around your hips in return, holding you in place. His head rotated in small circles, mouthing at your center at a quicker pace. Every couple seconds he’d groan against you, the sound vibrating your clit in ways that made your head spin.

“You like that, huh?” He asked, pulling away shortly to press your buttons. All you could do was nod - his tongue pushing through your folds again taking away your ability to speak. He seemed to want words, his frame teetering backwards to blow cold air on your entrance. The feeling was electric, and you never wanted it to end. Shrieking, your knuckles went white from gripping the sink.

“Yes, god yes. Please don’t stop.” The words came out as more of a stutter.

“Please what? Tell me what you want, sweetheart.”

He knew. He wasn’t dumb. Why did he need vocals?

“Please, I need you to make me cum. Ben-” Your breath was hot as is exhaled, the words stumbling out in an incoherent mess. “I want your fingers, and your mouth – please.”

He raised an eyebrow, pleased with his effect on you. “Fingers too, huh? Greedy little thing.” Not that he cared, of course. Ben didn’t waste a second, raising his middle finger to your entrance and pushing in. The feeling was euphoric, his pace quickening to match the rise and fall of your chest. He murmured against your center, sucking your clit while his fingers curled deep inside of you. It was almost too much, and you knew you’d only last so long.

“Oh, god yes - daddy.”

Your eyes flew open, one of your hands coming up to slam over your mouth. Why? Why now?

“What did you just call me?” He asked, his grip on your hip tightening slightly.

“Nothing. I called you nothing.” You felt like an idiot, and you were an idiot. You’d always wanted to try calling someone that, but no one ever made you feel like they’d be okay with it. That, or they were boring to the point that you couldn’t get yourself to say it. And here you were, naked on top of a sink – waiting for the one man you found that deserved the title, to decide if it was okay.

“Say it. What did you call me?” He said again, this time darker in tone.

“Daddy.” It came out weak, sheepish even. You swallowed your spit hoping it would make your speech clear up.

He smirked, the expression causing a wave of relief to wash over you. Returning to his place in between your legs, his lips kissed down your pussy – lapping softly at the skin just above your entrance. Fingers and all, this man knew what he was doing. Hunger for him raged on in your chest, and you weren’t sure how much longer you’d last like this.

“Oh, sweetheart – you taste so good. You like it when daddy does this, huh?” He said, his words pulsating against you. “Yes, yes.” You sigh, your legs starting to shake. The closer you got to finishing, the harder it was to focus. Your vision was blurring with every passing second.

“Ben -” you start, the pressure building in your stomach becoming unbearable. “Can I please cum? Please?” It came out as a plea, like your life depended on it. He looked up at you from his spot, the eye contact threatening to send you over the edge.

“Hm, not yet. Count to 10 and I’ll let you.” He says, staying close to you. You nod – confused with how 10 seconds would affect anything.

“1…”

He swirled his tongue around your clit, pushing his fingers in completely.

“2 … 3 …. 4 …”

Ben moaned against you, shaking his head from left to right to create friction.

“5 … 6 … 7 ... “

“I don’t know if I can do this Ben-” You gasp, sweat dripping from your brow as you try to hold your orgasm in. He dug his nails into your skin, signaling to continue.

“8… 9 … 10 …”

He sucked harshly, releasing your clit but continuing to push in and out of you at full force. “Cum, sweetheart. Cum for daddy.”

You felt your body wrack with shakes as you released, the power behind it causing your back to fly off the mirror – sitting straight up once again. You wanted to catch your breath, but Ben had better ideas. He stood to his feet, pulling you against his chest.

“I’m on the pill -” you whisper, his head resting on your shoulder. He nodded, leaning down to shuffle out of his pants. Pulling his boxers down, his cock was released from its hold. Your eyes flew open wide – the size of it taking away your ability to speak. This could hurt, and you almost wanted it to hurt.

He hooked one of his arms under your leg, lifting it slightly. You impulsively reached forward, grabbing his shoulders for support. This was breaking the rules, you knew that. Ben’s eyes traced your frame, nodding in approval at your position.

“You’ve been good, sweetheart – you can keep your hands there.”

You couldn’t help but feel relief, tightening your grip around his neck – your fingers finally trailing into his hair. It was just as soft as you hoped, the locks tangling around your grip. Ben groaned at the close contact, letting out a harsh breath before thrusting himself all the way inside you, filling you up. Your grip faltered, his arms catching you before you fell back against the mirror again. Pulling him closer after, your neck gave out – finding a resting spot on his shoulder. He closed his eyes, adjusting to the feeling of you around him.

“You’re so tight - damn, sweetheart.” You were, but mainly because of him - the man was stretching you as far as you could take. “You like how I fill you up, huh? Tell me how much you like it.”

Words were not coming out, an example of his effect on you. All you could manage were a few murmured words, flying out of your mouth in a haste.

“Yes - Yes, I love it, ugh.” That’s as good as it was going to get for you, his mouth curving into a smirk watching you come undone at his will. The sound of desperation in your voice only encouraged him further, picking up his pace. He holds you against him as he plunges his cock as deep as it would go, grunting and moaning obscenities along the way. Every move he made went straight to your core, the impact relentless. You wanted to scream or bang your arms against the wall – everything he did felt so damn good, and you didn’t know how else to express it. Your eyes begin to water, one hand coming in between you to rub vicious circles on your clit while the other finds purchase gently wrapped around your throat. You were fairly sure he was out to kill you, and the idea of going back to work after this was near impossible. He groans, elbowing your left leg, silently asking you to lift it just as he had it before. You oblige, the angle only sending him deeper. You make a mental note to thank your DJ for blasting the music so loud it was virtually impossible to hear anything, imagining a way to explain this to your coworkers if they caught you. His brain was on a different wavelength clearly, pounding into you relentlessly and enjoying every second.

“Don’t forget to tell me when you’re close.” He grunts, his fingers still rotating your clit deliciously. And you were, but you didn’t want this to end. How much longer could you drag this out for?

Your orgasm had other things in mind, creeping up on you quickly. You shriek, slapping his shoulder and shaking your head. “Ben, I’m so close, please-” He shook his head, slamming into you again but halting his movement, the length pressed against you causing your breath to catch in your throat.

“Cum now sweetheart, now.”

You scream into his shoulder, softly biting the skin to relieve the tension. His breath hitched quickly after yours, finishing inside of you while you continued shaking underneath his body. He slowly thrusts in and out of you to help you ride out your climax before slowing to a stop, his head leaning against yours. Your ragged breaths mixed with his, the air between you thin. The outline of the skin made your legs sore, a soft whimper of pain pushing past your lips. Ben assumed so, wrapping your legs around his hips tighter so he could lift you up, carrying you over to the small counter placed in the counter. The surface was less harsh, the surge of pain you felt before dissipating. He kissed your forehead, reaching to his left to grab some paper towels.

“Close your eyes, sweetheart.” Following his instructions, you feel him softly dab at your hairline - cleaning up the sweat forming. He did the same further down your body, wiping along your collarbone and your jaw. It was a sweet gesture compared to the way he was wrecking you earlier.

He finished, throwing the paper away and returning with your clothes. You dressed in silence, stealing a glance at him through the corner of your eye every couple seconds. Once everything was fastened, you stood on opposite sides of the bathroom, eyes glued to each other. His feet carried him in stride, his hands on either side of your face while he kissed you softly. You melted into his touch, wrapping your arms around his waist.

“What time do you get off tonight?” He asked, staring at your lips – waiting for an answer.

“I close, so around 2.” He flipped his wrist, glancing at his watch for time. It must have been around midnight at this point.

“I’ll wait for you, then you’re coming home with me.” He said with that same smirk crossing his face in the way you liked so much. That could be arranged, but you weren’t going to let him off that easily.

“Oh, really? And why is that?” You whisper against his jaw, placing soft kisses up until you reached just under his ear lobe, swirling your tongue there softly. He shuddered against you, pulling you away with his eyes squinted.

“Because I said so, and rules are rules.”

#ben solo #adam driver #ben solo smut #ben solo au #adam driver smut

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trashforhockeyguys · 5 years

Text

Don’t Hold Me -1- Carter Hart

A/N: So, I talked about writing this a long time ago. And @oven-chicken-blog and I started talking about Carter a while back, so Carter miniseries is a go. As always, angst. Lots of angst ahead. Also, new chapters for this will probably be slow. There are also going to be some content warnings to go along with this. Including mentions of different types of abuse, panic disorders, and PTSD.

You loved living in Philadelphia. You loved U Penn. You’d never really thought about what would happen if you landed in a city full of people that you knew. To be honest, you didn’t think you’d end up in a place with several people you knew, not when you were going out of state for school. But when you landed in Philly and you received a text from someone you’d known for quite a few years, you were more than shocked.

Yet, you liked it. Because you now had someone to look after you during the school year. You more than appreciated that you had someone, especially someone you trusted and someone you knew would take care of you.

You already made several calls to him during the first semester of your freshman year, especially when you needed someone. He was the closest thing you had to family on this side of the coast. The fact that he’d known you since you were a child definitely helped.

“Where are you?”

“I’m outside of the hockey house, off campus,” You quickly explained, “I- I need you to come get me. Please. I need to get out of here.”

He must’ve sensed the fact that you were close to tears, because the next thing you knew, you could hear him getting up and telling whoever else was with him to move their ass. He kept talking to you, making sure you were still there, as he moved.

“I need you to tell me the address, sweetheart,” He begged, “I promise, I’m on my way, I just need to know where I’m going.”

You looked around you, trying to find a street sign and a house number. You could still hear the music playing behind you, and the sound of everyone inside cheering over something. You felt sick. You weren’t entirely sure that you wouldn’t throw up right there on the street. You took a few deep breaths before being able to focus enough to ramble off what seemed like the right address to him.

“Patty, did you get that?” he called to someone else in the car.

“Yeah, we should be there in twenty,” the other guy replied.

“Keep talking to me, okay? We’ll be there soon.”

You curled up on the curb, instantly regretting the short skirt and crop top you’d worn to the party. Maybe you should’ve listened to your brother, who tried to tell you not to go near the hockey guys. He was stupidly protective over you, but he seemed to be right this time.

You were shaking and starting to freeze. You wished you would’ve out on more clothes, or just stayed in your dorm room. There was a lot about tonight that you were already regretting. You should’ve listened. You shouldn’t have gone, you shouldn’t have started to drink. You should’ve been more careful.

“Y/N!”

Without even thinking, you found yourself running into his arms. He was warm and safe. You knew, much like your actual brother, that he wouldn’t let anyone hurt you, so long as he was there to stop them.

“What happened? Huh?”

“I just want to get out of here, please, Trav,” You begged him.

“Okay. Here, take this, you’re fucking freezing,” Travis hastily took off his jacket and put it around you, “Patty, can you drive so I can sit in the back with her?”

“Yeah, I got it.”

“I’m sorry Nol.”

He laughed and gave you a quick side hug, “I’m just offended that you don’t have me on speed dial yet.”

“Not now Patty.”

You mustered as much of a smile as you could, “You’re Brother #3 in my phone, not quite on speed dial, but pretty close.”

“C’mon, I’m assuming your roommate is at that party?” Travis asked you, to which you nodded, “Alright, you can crash with us.”

Travis helped you into the car before running to the other side. Nolan climbed into the driver’s side and started up the car. You got situated and then ripped off your stupid high heels. They were another thing you regretted about tonight.

“I promise, I don’t always look like a cheap hooker,” You joked, noticing Nolan looking at you through the mirror.

“Never said you did.”

“I thought you promised E that you weren’t going to party,” Travis mentioned a few minutes later.

“He’s not my mother, I’m legally an adult, I can do whatever the hell I want,” You grumbled.

“Just because you can, Y/N, doesn’t mean that you should.”

You rolled your eyes. He sounded like your big brother, maybe because they were best friends and you knew Travis felt responsible for you. Either way, they didn’t control you. Even if they were right, they didn’t dictate your life.

You were capable of making your own decisions and you could deal with the repercussions of them. You were old enough, you were in college, that was the time to make mistakes. And the time to fuck up. Yet you knew tonight was a bad idea from the start, but you wanted to feel normal again.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?” Travis finally asked.

“Drunk hockey players,” you shrugged, “One of them just saw a short skirt, and nothing else. That’s all. I just didn’t want to stay.”

“Do we need to turn around so I can beat the shit out of him?” Travis asked.

“No, he’s not worth it Trav.”

“No. But you are.”

You woke up on his couch the next morning, with little memory of what happened the night before. Patty was moving around in the kitchen, you hoped he was making coffee. God, you needed coffee. Your head was pounding. You probably shouldn’t have said yes to a glass of whatever was in that damned bucket.

You groaned and rolled over. The sunlight was too much. Didn’t TK have any damned blinds in this place? Surely he got paid enough to afford some damned blinds, or maybe even curtains. Something to keep the sun from killing you.

“Here.” Travis was the one to bring me the coffee.

A mug was placed down on the table in front of you, followed by Aspirin, and another blanket was draped over you. You smiled before snuggling deeper into the couch. At least Travis got a comfortable couch.

“How are you feeling?”

“Like an elephant sat on my head,” You groaned.

He laughed and sat on the edge of the couch. He started rubbing your back, slowly, just like he did a few years ago, back when he played with your brother. You groaned again and buried your head deeper into the pillows.

You tried not to think about what happened last night. You knew the party was a bad idea. You’d known that from the instant your roommate invited you. Hockey players were normally something you tried to stay away from, unless it was Travis and Nolan. You knew you could trust them, but that was as far as it went for you.

College hockey players were something that you tried to avoid at all costs. You Knew what they were like, you knew all too well. Nothing about them was good. Yet, when she’d asked you to go, you didn’t say no. Instead you pulled out your shortest skirt and a low cut top.

“Are you okay? You were pretty shaken up last night.”

“I’m fine Trav,” you assured him, “It was a pretty stupid idea. But I’m fine.”

He gave your shoulder a squeeze. You couldn’t even begin to thank him enough for rescuing you last night, and all the other times that you’d called him before that. You used to call him instead of your brother, Ethan, because Travis asked fewer questions and could keep a secret.

He was good at picking you up, and giving you space, all while loving you in the way that you needed at the time. He made you feel safe and protected, all like Ethan did, just without asking why he was needed.

“Do you want to talk more about it?”

“Nope. I want to drink my coffee, and keep your sweats on, because they’re comfy.”

“I won’t be getting those back will I?” He questioned.

“Nope you play for the team You can get more.”

He laughed. He knew you’d never give them back anyway. You always took his and your brother’s. Any chance you got, they’d always become yours. Truth be hold, he should be lucky that you hadn’t taken any yet this season.

“Hey! I made eggs, since TK actually went to the store yesterday and bought shit!”

“C’mon, eggs and toast, good hangover cure.”

You cracked a smile. How many times have you made that very thing for him over the years? That was always your go to for everyone. You wondered if Patty remembered the last time you made it for him and Travis.

“Oh, Carter is coming over,” Patty reminded Trav.

“Shit, I forgot,” He looked over at me and tried to crack a smile, “Guess you’ll get to meet Carter, unless you want me to take you home?”

“No, because she’ll probably have someone in her bed and the room is going to smell like sex, and probably vomit, knowing her,” You explained, “So, I guess I’ll just stay? If that’s okay?”

They both shrugged, “He’s your age, maybe you two could be good for each other? Since you seem to be tired of Patty.”

“You are not setting me up with your teammate,” You snapped, “You know how I feel about other hockey players.”

“If I didn’t already know you, I’d probably take offense to that,” Patty warned, “But, having known you for over a year now, and fighting to actually get you to like me, I understand.”

“You’re lucky I can still stand to be around you.”

“Wow, I love you too, Kiddo!”

“Nolan! You’re a year older than me, shut up.”

Travis laughed and shoved Nolan’s shoulder. You loved the two of them in a way you didn’t realize you could. You’d been so cut off for so long and they seemed to slowly bring you back enough. You still weren’t 100%, there were still parts of you that weren’t fully glued back together. But you were okay.

You didn’t know what you’d do without either of them to be completely honest. They’d become the family that you didn’t have while you were at school. They went far beyond just picking you up outside of parties, or rescuing you from your roommate and her constant visitors.

You depended on both of them in a way. Sure, Travis was as good as family, that was a no brainer, but Nolan was too. He’d been there for you since the day Travis first reached back out to you. You loved them both. But that didn’t mean you wanted to meet someone else.

“I think I might just go climb into your bed Trav. My whole body is feeling it today, and you actually have blinds in your room.”

“Y/N! C’mon, it’s Hart. You even said you liked watching him in goal.”

“Just because I like to watch him play, doesn’t mean I actually want to meet him. I’m not in the mood today Travis,” You hoped he wouldn’t keep pushing you on it.

You hoped he wouldn’t make you beg. You didn’t want to see anyone else. Your little circle of friends was enough. You couldn’t handle another guy in your life. Last night was a mistake, brought on by hours of your roommate bugging you to go. You were tired of always hiding out, but you also couldn’t handle everything that came with going out.

“Okay. We’ll try and be quiet out here,” he sighed and kissed your forehead, he was one of the only people that you’d ever let do that, “Go back to sleep. I’ll check on you in a while.”

You tried not to think about the fact that you were running from someone you didn’t even know. Travis wouldn’t try to get you to meet anyone who wasn’t worth it, you knew that. But at the same time, after last night, you weren’t ready for any other surprises.

You tried your best to ignore the sounds that followed the arrival of the young goalie. However, despite Travis’ promise, they weren’t quiet. You buried yourself under the blanket and closed your eyes. You’d been able to fall asleep during parties before, surely you could sleep through three guys practically screaming in the living room.

You were just starting to finally doze off when the bedroom door slammed open. You practically jumped out of the bed, not expecting any of them to come bursting in like that. Standing in the doorway was the person you were trying to avoid.

“Oh, shit,” His cheeks instantly turned red, “Sorry, I’ll just um-”

He backed out and shut the door. You could hear him chuckle as he made his way back down the hall, “TK, man you should’ve told me you had a girl over. I would’ve left you alone.”

You couldn’t help the anger that bubbled up as you threw off the covers. All you wanted to do was get some sleep, and then hang out with the boys that you consider to be your family. You didn’t want to meet anyone, you didn’t ask for Carter Hart to join you. You certainly didn’t exactly want him to think you were something that you weren’t.

So, you found yourself throwing open the door and marching into the living room. Nolan already looked panicked when he saw you. Travis was trying to explain to Carter who you were. But suddenly all you felt like doing was yelling at all of them.

“What the hell? Seriously, what part of I wanted to sleep didn’t you understand Travis?”

Travis sighed and ran a hand through his hair before turning back to Carter, “Cart, this is Y/N, my unofficial little sister. She crashed here because her roommate is...a little too friendly with some guys on campus.”

“Wait, you’re Y/N?” Carter whipped around to face you, pure shock on his face.

“Well, I’m certainly not someone just warming Travis’s bed,” You snapped back, “I think I’m going to head out now.”

You turned and reached for the gym bag Travis gave you last night to put your clothes in. The walls were starting to close in on you, all you wanted to do was run. But when you started to make your way to the door, a hand reached out and grabbed your shoulder. Somehow you instantly knew it wasn’t Travis and you froze.

“Hey, c’mon you don’t have to leave.”

Before even thinking you spun back around, and slapped his hand away from you, “Don’t touch me.”

You didn’t have to look at Travis to know that he was starting to panic. So was Nolan. They knew what your boundaries were. You couldn’t fully be mad at the young man in front of you, because he didn’t know. He didn’t know you, or what you could and couldn’t handle. It wasn’t his fault.

“Don’t touch me.”

Your voice was smaller now. You sounded mousy. You hated that feeling that came along with this. You backed away from all three of them. You needed air. You knew Travis and Nolan would never do anything that you weren’t comfortable with, but Carter made you nervous. You knew he was harmless, Travis wouldn’t let him near you if he wasn’t. But still, he made you uneasy in ways that you couldn’t understand.

“At least let me drive you back to campus,” Travis begged.

“Trust me, I need to walk.”

“Y/N-”

“I love you Trav. I’ll call you later.”

You shouldn’t be running. You knew that. You should be able to stand your ground and meet Travis’s friends, his hockey family. They were more than important to him, yet the only one you could handle being around was Nolan. It had nothing to do with the rest of the guys and everything to do with you.

You couldn’t expect any of them to understand why you were the way that you were. Travis knew because he was there during everything. Nolan knew because Nolan had witnessed bits and pieces. But there wasn’t an easy way for you to explain it to anyone else. So you hid. And you’d keep hiding because that’s what you were good at.

#Carter Hart #carter hart imagines #carter hart imagine #Carter hart fanfic #Carter hart fan fiction #nhl imagines #nhl imagine #nhl fanfic #nhl fanfiction #hockey imagines #hockey imagine #hockey fanfic #hockey fanfiction #nicolewritesthings

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inkskinned · 6 years

Text

literally just a dumb unorganized list of school tips

source: im a grad student. i’ve had a lot of school. also i’m adhd & mentally ill and require +8 organization. this is mostly directed @ college students, but maybe high school students can use it too, fuck, idk, it’s been forever since i was stuck in that hell hole

just say “professor” either ur using the correct title for a person (will make them feel good) or you’re giving them a bigger title on the assumption they deserve it (which will make them feel good) and also prevents having to ever i mean ever use their names

talk at least 1 time a week in each class, aim for 1 time a day. even lecture classes. i fucking hate talking in front of more than 5 people, so what i would do is prepare a question about the hw/etc (even if i didn’t need it answered) to ask the professor after class so they saw me and got used to me and saw i was invested in their class. about 89% of teachers - if they see you try, they will pass you. i mean it’s literally that easy. i know people who went from like a c- but because they legit tried, their grade got bumped up to a b-.

if u have to bring a laptop, pre-download the required material/screenshot it, and then turn off your wifi. it’s too easy to not listen.

physical writing will always give you more information recall over typing.

nobody cares about stupid shit anymore trust me they don’t remember that you were accidentally locked in a towel out of your room bc they have their own dumb shit that happened.... in college all the “cringe culture” turns into “god i wish that were me” culture ... wear ur onesie to a party trust me you make +800 friends and 799 of them will be girls telling you you’re adorable and they’d die for you

about locking urself out.... if ur like me and can breeze past post-it notes placed in obvious areas, don’t be a dumb bitch and rely on post-it-notes. while most schools offer 1 free lockout, dont rely on it - it once took 2 hours before someone could get to me. i was in a towel, which meant no phone. so like. anyway, what i do now is i put something on the handle of the door i have to open/unlock. i can’t just open the door w/out the thing falling down and making a loud “you dumb bitch unlock the door before u shower” sound.

this works for all important don’t-forget it things. other obstacles i’ve used to remind myself to do something include: putting a chair with my wholeass posterboard in front of the door, an entire printer with a single piece of paper that just read “for the love of god check to be sure you have that essay”, and a recycling bin i kept forgetting to empty. guess what bitch finally emptied the bin once it was between me and a swift exit!

no offense and like the whole “it’s the best years of your life!” thing is great but in reality everything goes better scholastically when you treat it as “i came here to win, not to make friends.” i still did make friends, went to parties every weekend, was popular enough i’d be invited to several on one night - but i came there to win. when i put my scholastic life and my mental health first, i went from a 2.0 to a 3.98. yes you can, bitch.

you’re spending the money. don’t squander it. trust me when i say i know plenty of people who breeze through, bc you often can. but like. don’t. challenge yourself bc like. talk about an investment.

if you hate your major, change it. don’t make your life something you can’t stand. on that note, do NOT agree 100% to a track until you have at least some experience in the field. i cannot tell u how many ppl i know who got their whole masters/phd program done, walked into their new profession, and were like, Oh Fuck, I Can’t Live Like This.

college literally offers so many free things and if you’re not taking advantage of them whenever possible i get it but like. try to take advantage of them. this is everything from your gym (which probably has free classes dude) to clubs to like. sober events. these sober events are so ... fuckin good dude i’ve made mason jars with little plants in em... bee aviaries... candles.... go to the free stuff

oh ps on free stuff i wanna say about 4 of 5 days there’s free food on campus just look for things like job fairs, presentations, or discussion groups. also while you’re there at the job fair like. u know, go to the job fair in earnest

i took off 2 years to work and also to just. recover from my bullshit. and it took me 6 years and 3 schools to get my bachelor’s. it wasn’t easy but bitch i lived. there’s no such thing as “too long” to graduate if that’s truly what you want to do.

if on the meal plan, eat as clean as you can the first week. then introduce each part of the cafeteria’s possibly-food-poisoning-creating foods one at a time. give @ least 2 days between each experiment so you know for sure if you get sick what caused it. i literally never eat meat at school but you can still get sick off of unwashed lettuce/salad dressing that hasn’t been refrigerated properly/weirdass things you won’t even think of. this prevents like. dying in a public bathroom.

white loaf bread can be gross & boring. discount bakery section for your slightly chewy artisianal bread needs. if overstale, either toast it or dunk it into water and microwave it (unless u got an oven. use the oven if u can)

steal as many apples from the dining hall/events/etc as physically possible just do it they keep FOREVER and @ some point you’ll be like. fUCK i need a nutrition. ps if you’re keeping them in ur backpack (i wouldn’t keep more than 2) make sure to wrap w/a few paper towels so if you drop your bag you don’t get apple mush

write it all down bitch. “i’ll remember it” no you won’t. unless you are capable of remembering every idea on this list and in order, you won’t remember it. in general, if you write something 3 times, you will recall it correctly at least 80% of the time. i also read it out loud to myself, bc, you know, auditory recall

DO NOT just put your assignment at the top of your notes, unless you’re 100% sure that will work for you. in most cases, it’s much better to have a planner/agenda/place you expect to look for assignments. +7 points if you lie to yourself about deadlines and move them all up.

like not to sound too much like a DARE ad but like. if you don’t like it/don’t want it, don’t fuckin do it. the idea that “there’s nothing to do if you don’t party” is such bullshit. like i promise if you’re like “i am a grouch and want to stay in and binge netflix” about 45 ppl will show up in pjs like “bitch fullscreen it, im a grouch too.” there’s also like. the chance to just.... not overindulge. on wednesdays i have “wine wednesdays” where we sit around and drink a glass of wine while we do our hw. it’s chill and friendly instead of like. drink until u vomit. don’t feel like you either gotta slam the breaks or the gas pedal, is what i mean.

PLEASE know the signs of alcohol poisoning/overdose. most schools have a “Safety Always Matters Most” policy, which means that you can call for help w/out getting into trouble. if you think someone is in danger, act. this also goes for making sure ppl get home safe even if they’re just incapacitated, not poisoned. step in, dudes.

also just. notice when ur starting to rely on stuff too much. i’m super easily addicted to things, so i keep a healthy distance from liquor. i don’t let myself “drink to feel better” bc that’s a scary, scary thing to link to feeling better. if you or somebody u know starts drinking all the time/gets anxious if they don’t drink/drinks in the daytime .... get help. schools have counselling services for a reason.

you’re gonna get a cold/flu of some sort in the first 2 months just brace for it. in the meantime, drink vitamin c, try not to touch too many handles, and when people say “there’s something going around” believe them.

watch kaplan nike just do it

if you can teach it, you know the material. a super good way of knowing if you studied the right way is to try and teach the material to a stuffed animal/imaginary class.

“i don’t know how to study” bitch me too the fuck. this is usually bc we’ve been taught that studying is just sitting down and staring @ ur notes. it’s not. it’s different for everyone, and you need to understand it’s 99% preventative care. if you don’t go to the class or do the homework, studying is going to fucking suck, bc you’re learning the material all at once for the first time. the place you should consider “studying” is “i’m confident in 70-90% of the material, but need to review.” do not let yourself fall behind .... just go to office hours and ask questions if ur not getting something. studying should feel like you’re remembering what you already knew but kinda forgot, not like you’ve been blindsided.

the whole “writing it down in ur own words” while u have been told this 700 times it really helps bc it means u gotta translate it through your own understanding. if you can’t, and it’s not bc the material seems too obvious to you to state in another way - ask yourself if you don’t understand the material. chances are u are missing a bit of info.

i know it’s like A Thing that Some People do but i never had the mental health points for it but i know some people just take 15 minutes after every class to review their notes. since i’m 100% early to every class ever, obnoxiously so, i try to do it before class. having the last class’s notes up in my head super helps. like. put down the phone i know you’re socially anxious me too but review those notes. chances are if u start flipping through pages other ppl will too. this is also fun bc as soon as you start this whole thing, at least one person will be like “is there a test?” no bitch there’s no test but im gonna be ready when there is!

literally so much of success is fucking posturing i could link about 800 peer-edited studies that show that when a student is expected to do well (and knows they are), they do well. like i literally didn’t change my appearance at all, never bothered to look nice (once winter hits i wear 67 layers all the time), but when i showed up after my 2 years off from school, i presented myself with the whole “i came here to win” vibe and people... really respected me? i mean in hs i remember ppl saying shit like “yeah, well, you aren’t gonna have the homework”. by the time i was in college i had an honest-to-god conversation which included someone being like “so tell me what you’re overachieving at right now” like they just expected it from me. wild.

i live by “bite off more than you can chew, and then CHEW IT” but it’s probably unhealthy. the truth is that i have a lot of energy all the time (lmao adhd!!!) and i used to get told i was “trying too hard” and for a long time (still???) i didn’t (i don’t?) know what that was, you know, bc i had a D average, clearly i wasn’t trying. it turns out i was just. putting all my energy into stuff that wasn’t making me happy like toxic friendships etc. when i decided “nope, all this energy is for me and my schoolwork”..... uhhhhh suddenly i was a golden child and everyone praised my try-hardness ... it’s a fuckt up system tbh

take at least 1 class just for fun. i try to do that every semester. it helps break up all the requirements. if you’re like an engineer and got no time or credits left to spend, try to audit your fun course.

make ur advisor love you i don’t care what it takes make them cupcakes show up to thank them i dONT CARE just do it

the library isn’t always the best place. if i start getting anxious bc i pavlovian train myself that library=work, i find a new place to go to do hw. try to go outside if you can!!! not like where i live bc like it’s snow all the time but try. a little green really really really helps depression.

if you’ve been in the same “Studying” place for 1 hour and haven’t done anything the chances are Something Isn’t Right. first, look @ ur body. are you not focusing bc of some pressing physical need? sometimes just taking a shower and coming back helps. are you uncomfy? are you too comfy and going to sleep? if body okay, look @ the material. do you not understand it? do you just need to switch to a new topic for a little bit? can you find a youtube video that will help you better understand it? make notes on what you don’t get so you can ask in the next class. if it’s not the material, it’s not ur bod, check the Actual Space. sometimes just getting up, going for a short walk to a new place, and trying it there actually? really works? if none of this is working.... try ur brain next. hardest to reset bc like, what, turn it on and off again? i use things like caffeine, a short workout, a nap, or a podcast all to just... give me a little boost.

don’t be afraid to leave. i mean this about class, friend groups, and the college ur at. just get up on outta there if ur not feelin it. i cannot recommend “drop the class” enough. even if it’s a required course see if u can switch the times if u hate the professor day 3 it’s not gonna get better just get the fuCK out

don’t nap in the same position u go to sleep in, nap upside down w/ur head away from ur pillow. don’t ask me why but it works to 1. fall asleep faster 2. make sure u sleep okay at night and 3. wake up less annoyed

on that note don’t ever do anything in ur bed in a sleeping position unless it’s genuinely sleeping in it. body will get confused. just sit up, lazybones.

when/if the library has those therapy dogs during finals week.... just go pet them make the time for it

ask before hugging people, but don’t expect a “yes”

get a backpack that fits and doesn’t hurt ur back u fuckin hippie idc how cool it is to wear ur backpack super low just don’t do it it’s not worth it

the tutoring center is a fucking goldmine.... free essay edits my dudes

bring a fan dorms are always hotter than u expect

switch dorms if u can if u realize ur in the wrong room/wrong roomate like just don’t bother with nonsense

when in doubt, follow preschool rules. tell ppl when they did something cool, just ask when u need help, and be confident even in your mistakes, because at least u tried

#anyway

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justauthoring · 6 years

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Feigning The Connection (34/?)

Prompt: You seem so invincible. But just touch you and you’ll wince. You have secrets and trust no one. You’re the perfect example of betrayal. Because anyone you’ve ever trusted broke you. Thrust into a new world, will you be able to stay alone, or will Bellamy work his way in?

SEASON ONE, TWO, THREE AND FOUR

SEASON FIVE: PART ONE - PART TWO - PART THREE - PART FOUR - PART FIVE

A/N: Another Saturday, another part!

I hope you all enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. Send me a little comment in the ask section or leave it below on what you thought of this chapter. It doesn’t have to be long, I appreciate every single comment I receive and telling me just helps inspire me to write it more frequently.

AGAIN, remember if you’d like me to continue this series, just leave a little comment or an ask letting me know. I will NOT continue the series if no one wants me to.

Pairing: Bellamy x Reader

Based off of: The 100 05x11

Warnings: spoilers.

Tag’s List: @super-river-walker - @deathofthethrones - @dontstopxx - @chebz - @isabellaskyliner - @jeppthatsme - @sarita-villa - @jedibookmasterofnorta - @hoesugh - @wsternhaikus - @doctorwhoandrory - @claudsgodz - @multi-fandom-dumpster - @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked - @stonesandskeletonbones - @morgannope @kaelyn-lobrutto24 - @jodiereedus22 - @lovelynerdytraveler - @savannah0111 want to be featured on my tag’s list? message me letting me know.

The algae had effected everyone. Monty had told you it was something that you should all be aware of and cautious about.

You’d expected it.

And it had nearly killed everyone, or at least, made them very sick. But it had hit Bellamy the worse. You’d just been getting better, less sleepy and nauseous and felt as if you could actually move. Getting up didn’t strike immense amounts of pain through you, and the slightest movement didn’t have you reeling back in dizziness.

Things had been looking up.

But then, Bellamy had gotten sick.

The algae poisoning had hit Bellamy in a way you hadn’t seen it touch anyone else. It wasn’t just dizziness and nausea with him. It was the sudden feeling that he couldn’t breathe, like his throat was closing in on itself and drooling, confusion, not knowing where he was. Bellamy had been bed-ridden for days, and you’d sat by your shared bed everyday, willing him to get better.

Bellamy hadn’t just gotten hit harder, but it was taking him much longer to get better.

You were afraid. Afraid that the poisoning wouldn’t nearly kill Bellamy, but actually kill him. Even the thought itself terrified you.

Monty and Harper had tried to get you to move, make sure you were still eating enough food and drinking a healthy amount of water. But you never left Bellamy’s side. You refused to. Because you were afraid that the moment you did, that would be it. You wouldn’t see his chest rising and falling rhythmically, you’d never see his eyes staring back at your own.

Never feel his arms wrapping around you, his lips pressed against your own. His warmth and comfort. The feeling of safety that enveloped you whenever he was near.

You couldn’t lose that.

You couldn’t lose him.

And today, like any other day, you were sat by your shared bed. Your body was bent over the bed, your head in your arms with your eyes shut. Your left hand, though, was gripping Bellamy’s tightly, as if afraid that he would be ripped from your grasp. After nights and nights of not getting enough sleep, of never leaving that chair, you couldn’t help but feel your eyes finally shut in exhaustion.

It was then, when you’d fallen asleep, that Bellamy woke up.

His vision was blurry, and it took him a few moments, repeatedly blinking, to finally see before himself clearly. The first thing he noticed was the discomfort that seemed to spread throughout his entire body. His head was pounding, and his throat felt dry and the lasting taste of puke was all he could taste.

Needless to say, he felt like shit.

Bellamy groaned, moving to sit up before he finally registered the weight that seemed to be on his lap. His eyes slid down, immediately softening when he caught sight of you. Your head was turned slightly, just enough that Bellamy could see the profile your face. Your lips were parted ever so slightly and your chest was rising and falling softly. You looked content in that one moment, but something told Bellamy that that was the one emotion you hadn’t felt in a long time.

The memory of what had happened slowly came back to Bellamy. He figured the algae hadn’t settled right within him and he’d gotten sick. And gauging from the state you were in, Bellamy figured it’d been bad.

Your hair was a mess, there were bags under your eyes and Bellamy was sure that if your eyes were open, it’d look like you’d been crying for days.

With a frown, Bellamy let his hand fall on your cheek gently, brushing back strands of hair so he could better see your face. The action woke you up, your eyes blinking a few times before you sat up, a soft moan escaping your lips.

All tiredness seemed to leave you the moment you saw Bellamy, though. Instead, your once tired eyes widened with deep relief and you didn’t waste a second leaping forward, wrapping your arms around Bellamy. Your sudden embrace caused him to groan out, his hands coming around your body to brace himself as you let out a sob.

“I thought i’d lost you,” you whispered, voice shaky. “Jesus, I thought...”

Your grip tightened significantly, and even in his groggy mind, Bellamy registered the pain in your voice. He felt a bout of guilt flood him of having done this to you, even if it hadn’t been on purpose.

He hated being the reason you hadn’t gotten sleep in days, that you looked so unhealthy and that you’d been in constant distress.

Curling his hand around your waist, Bellamy squeezed back in return, relishing in the moment of you in his arms.

When you pulled back, your eyes were watery, a few stray tears streaming down your cheeks as your hands came to cup his cheeks. Your cheeks were flushed, your bottom lip in between your teeth as you took a deep breath. “Thank God,” you whispered, “I don’t know what I would’ve done...”

“It’s okay,” Bellamy soothed. “You’ll never lose me.”

It felt odd. Walking back the way you just came.

You’d trenched on through this sand, ignoring the exhaustion and discomfort that had flooded your entire being. You’d survived a walk that very well should of killed you. All for Bellamy. And you didn’t regret it, you never would. But you didn’t understand how you could, in this moment, be walking back the way you’d just came from.

It felt like that walk had been for nothing.

You walked beside Bellamy, this time not alone but surrounded by hundreds. You made sure not to leave Bellamy’s side, refusing to and he didn’t seem so keen on leaving your side either. You’d just gotten him back, after nearly losing him, and you weren’t about to let that happen again.

The silence that had echoed between you and Bellamy ended the moment Echo’s voice radioed over the radio. She was transmitting Trigedasleng and it caught the attention of not only you and Bellamy, but Monty and Harper who had been walking a few steps behind yourselves.

“Bellamy, come in if you can hear me.”

Bellamy immediately stepped to the side, pulling out his walkie-talkie as you, Monty and Harper followed behind him. The moment you were far away enough from the rest, he pressed the button, pulling it up to his lips. “Echo...”

“Wait,” you called, brows furrowing. “Bell, she’s speaking Trig for a reason.” You reminded, glancing up and meeting Bellamy’s eyes.

He heeded to your warning, responding, only this time in Trigedasleng. “Why are we speaking Trig? What’s wrong?”

“They know you’re coming. You’ve lost the element of surprise.”

With widened eyes, Bellamy let out a heavy breath. “They know we’re coming.”

You felt your heart plummet, shoulders drop with defeat as you huffed.

“Clarke?”

“It had to be,” Bellamy answered, before turning back to the radio. “Echo, listen to me-”

“-Bellamy,” Harper interrupted, “if Clarke’s on their side, she speaks Trig, too.”

Your eyes met Bellamy’s, a fit of despair flooding your own as you shook your head. There was no convincing Octavia otherwise, even if your element of surprise truly was gone. Octavia would march no matter what.

“Bellamy, you have to go back. We have their pilot, so you’re safe for now. But you can’t come here.”

“Not possible,” Bellamy replied, shaking his head. “It’s a long story, but we can’t go back... and we can’t stop. We’re five days out. You have that long to find us a safe way in. After that... we run out of rations.”

“We’re on it,” Echo replied in english, “be safe. Over and out.”

You stared at the fire before you, lighting up the darkness that seemed to surround you. Your heart felt heavy, your shoulders felt weighed. You didn’t know what would happen tomorrow. Who would die. Who would live.

If you’d win. If you’d lose.

It felt silly to fight for something you didn’t believe in. To go marching into the Valley when there had been another option. Another solution. Before Octavia had brutally ripped it away from everyones hands. Before she’d ruined everything. Hatred burned in your heart towards the girl. For everything she’d done, some you’d witnessed, some you hadn’t.

For what she’d done to Bellamy. And oh God, you couldn’t imagine how Bellamy was feeling now. Knowing that it was his sister’s fault that this army was marching. Knowing that his own sister had thrown him in the fighting pit.

What had happened to the Octavia you knew? What had changed?

And Clarke? On McCreary’s side?

A lot more had changed in those six years than you’d thought. Even your own father was unrecognizable.

These thoughts brought a terrible feeling within you. It made you remember all those times you’d wished to see them again, your father, Octavia and the rest, Clarke, when up in space. Endlessly, you wished to see them all again. But right now, you’d wish for anything to go back to the way it was. To go back to your family.

Being on earth reminded you of the troubles you’d endured beforehand, and now they were increased ten-fold.

No matter how hard you tried to work it out in your mind, it just didn’t make sense. What had changed? What could’ve possibly happened to twist those you love so much? What damage had been done?

You knew that you’d changed. That Bellamy had changed. And the rest. But it was nothing compared to Octavia, Clarke, your father... There was still parts of you, and the rest, that were recognizable. But they were unrecognizable. When you looked Octavia in the eyes, you saw a different person. When you spoke to your father, you heard a different person. And when Clarke’s name was mentioned, you thought of a different person.

Unrecognizable.

A hand fell on your shoulder, pulling you from your thoughts. You turned your head up, tilting ever so slightly only to see Bellamy standing behind you. His lips were curled into a soft smile, but you could tell it was feigned. The same heaviness that weighed on you, weighed on him. Possibly even more so.

“Hey,” you called, voice but a whisper.

Bellamy stepped over the log you were sat on, before taking a seat on it himself. Your shoulders were touching, arm to arm, and while he faced the front, the fire reflecting off of his eyes, you were staring at him.

“Hey.”

And when you stared at him then, you realized the differences you spoke of earlier. The man beside you was still Bellamy, unlike Octavia, but he was different. He was nothing like the boy you’d met six years ago, when you’d first landed on earth. This man was haunted by the deaths of his friends, of Finn, Gina, Maya and the decisions he’s made. Of Lincoln’s death.

You imagine he feels partly responsible for the change that had occurred in Octavia.

The Bellamy from that day appeared in your minds eye. And you saw who he was now. All this time, spent together, surviving together. And here you were, marching into your death.

Your eyes fell to your hands, clasping them together. A shaky breath left your lips, chest rising and falling as you blinked away the tears that threatened to fall. “I’m scared,” you admitted, voice soft with uncertainty.

Your words brought Bellamy’s eyes on you. You didn’t face him, but you felt his eyes on your own.

Then, his hand fell on your chin, and he gently pulled your gaze back on him. When your eyes met his, you found warmth staring back at you. “We’ll be fine,” he assured, but you knew he didn’t believe his own words. “You’ll see.”

You wanted reply, but couldn’t find the words.

“We always are.”

You leaned against him then. Bellamy’s hand slid from your chin, wrapping around your shoulders. He pressed you against himself, and you let your head fall into the crook of his neck as his arm slid to your waist, squeezing tightly. Your eyes remained on the fire, shutting ever so slightly at the touch of Bellamy’s lips pressed against the top of your head.

And the words left your lips in a careless whisper, but the words meant more than they ever had before in that one moment.

“I love you, Bellamy.”

this chapter is much shorter than usual. that’s mainly because I plan to put the last two episodes in together, so I needed to get this chapter out of the way.

i hope you all dont mind!

part 35?

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arkangel246-blog · 5 years

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i’m not sure how to go about this, so i’m just gonna start & see where it takes me. i’m going thru some serious depression right now. if i told you everything i’ve been thru you’d more than likely accuse me of lying; no one person could possibly have dealt with so much. that almost sounds like bragging, but believe me, it’s not. i definitely wonder why i’m still here, if not for some ‘purpose,’ but it all feels pretty pointless much of the time.

i’m a 59 yr old mother of 2 sons, 2 almost-grown grandsons, and a lot of what’s eating at me right now is the fact that Mom’s Day (AND my b-day last month) came & went without more than a ‘happy birthday’ post from my daughter-in-law. my youngest son hasn’t had anything to do with me for so long i didn’t expect anything from him, but usually my oldest will at least text me. he did, after all, move me from the okc metro a few years ago 2 hours northeast to be closer to ‘family.’ at this point i’m not quite sure who’s pulling away from whom. i just know i feel like an orphan without children, without family of any kind, and i don’t know how to really change anything. people have said, ‘i’d go camp out on MY child’s front yard until we worked thru things!’ but i guess i’m afraid it might push them away even farther, and i guess i also feel responsible. but part of me is also screaming that i haven’t seen a bar, dated any more creeps, or been 5150′ed in a decade so you’d think that’d count for something, right?

where to begin? i guess we can work backwards, & start with telling you about my last marriage. and i DO mean, LAST.

i met kyle in october, ‘01, and like so many, i really thought i’d found my knight in shining armor. a co-worker introduced us, telling me, ‘he owns an OIL company, just built a new house, and is SOOO nice! you really HAVE to meet him!’ a week later we were inseparable, picking out a ring that shocked even his mother who said, ‘he must REALLY love you, because he’s TIGHT!” (meaning he was cheap. i had no clue... truly). i knew he drank every day, and truthfully, i liked to drink too, so it sorta seemed to be a match made in heaven (or hell). but i soon came to realize he generally started drinking before noon (running a company provided him that option), and nothing i could say could convince him to wait til later in the day. i could never drink every day, & seeing him passed out every night before the sun went down got old fast. when i met his folks i quickly realized it was a learned habit. his mom & dad, who’d handed the company over to kyle & his brother so they could retire, did the same, to the point of being insulted if you didn’t choose to drink with them at family get-togethers, no matter how early in the day. so who was i to go against family tradition?

we hadn’t been married more than a few months the first time he threw what would become his grown-ass-man, 2 yr old tantrum. he jumped up & down, spat and frothed at the mouth through bared teeth, and called me the name i came to be known by almost daily: worthless, piece of sh!t, C-U-Next-Tuesday. my transgression? an ANA autoimmune tests for lupus/sjogrens/scleroderma, (one, or the other or any combination) had come back positive causing my insurance premium to more than triple, which in turn affected the small business’s employees’ premiums.

now any ‘normal’ person would’ve run like hell at that point. keyword being ‘normal,’ of course. it’s funny how you can think a previous husband has been ‘abusive,’ until you actually marry someone who makes the one before seem like Winnie the Pooh. i don’t know the exact moment i started believing i could ‘fix’ him --- that i could do this, that or the other thing well enough that he wouldn’t beat the hell outta me, but in less than a year i’d begun begging ambulance drivers to take me to different ER’s because so many of the doctors were all-too-familiar with me. i know this was after one repeat ER doctor refused to treat me again, storming out of the area voicing loudly, ‘the women who go back to these men DESERVE what they get.’ that time i called a cab, tucked my tail between my legs, & yes, went back home to him feeling like surely i HAD done something to deserve it or that doctor really wouldn’t have said so.

after EMG tests were positive for nerve damage in my arms & legs, & i was put in arm splints and prescribed a ton of neurontin, i moved into the 2nd bedroom. we had gone through a brief separation, both filing for divorce, but a combination of not really having anywhere to go & being so sick (both physically AND emotionally) i found myself back with him (1st of many times). now here’s a word of warning for anybody who might be in similar circumstances at some point. if you reunite with a spouse and drop divorce proceedings, LISTEN when your attorney tells you to make certain he ALSO drops the divorce WITH PREJUDICE; i did not. never in my wildest dreams did i consider that someone who ‘loved’ me so much could possibly put the screws to me, until, a couple months later he called me from the master bedroom to say, ‘SURPRISE! i DIVORCED YOUR ASS on tuesday! how’s it feel?’

during a time when i was almost bedfast he’d gone back to court, had his friends testify against me claiming that i chose not to show up, and yes, the divorce was final. since i had been served months before when we both had filed for divorce and his attorney had dismissed the proceedings WITH PREJUDICE, he was able to completely finalize it without my knowledge whatsover. and it didn’t hurt that his company had an attorney on the payroll.

there were times when i believed he wanted me around as long as he wasn’t responsible for my bills & i didn’t cost him very much. i cooked, cleaned, & took excellent care of endless cats he & a friend continued to bring in. i’ll never understand why he did this. i learned at one point that he had kicked his 1st wife’s small dog to death years before when she went out with girlfriends he hadn’t approved of, so why he was so good with all these cats i’ll never know. at one point we were up to 11 of them, 100% indoors, with white carpet, and in able to do all that needed done i was being prescribed almost every controlled substance there was. i bathed several each month, while he’d toss an old towel on top of any hacked hairballs indicating that i had a mess to clean up.

after our divorce was done without my knowledge i did get an attorney who was going to re-file & make the judge aware of what he’d done, but he agreed at that time to pay for everything until my disability went through, which he did. we hadn’t been legally married long enough that he might’ve been required to do even that much, so i accepted that. he paid for a halfway decent apartment on the southwest side, but even then, he continued to come over when he felt the need to ‘vent.’ i had barely had the utilities turned on when it all went sideways & to this day i don’t know how he didn’t kill me. i knew from past experience he was going to get my phone when he headed towards the bedroom so i tried to get past him before he could. my next thought was, ‘he’s really killed me this time,’ when i found myself sliding upside down on the wall, coming down hard on my head. it’s the only time in my life when i really had that slow motion experience so many speak of. surprisingly i was able to shake my head and found myself alive, slowly able to get up with him screaming, ‘get the F up! i never F-ing touched you!’ his perfect handprint was left in purple on my upper arm by the next day, along with a purple ridge along my back ribs from a ridge between the kitchen and pantry where i’d been thrown. i was able to get him out of the apartment that night, thanking all the powers that be that i was ‘ok,’ only to go down like a ton of bricks the next day in the parking lot. i heard and felt a loud POP in my neck.... like a rubber band popping... and after some maneuvering showed i wasn’t gonna be able to even get on my hands & knees to crawl neighbors carried me back inside and called 9-1-1.

tests showed a bone fragment in the sub-arachnoid space at the base of my skull, & i was in & out of a wheelchair for quite a while. doctors knew my situation, and just sorta avoided the expected questions probably figuring i’d lie anyway. the truth was my disability had yet to come through at that time, and if i’d put him in jail for that i’d have been homeless. HOMELESS, with very limited use of my arms & legs even after all the cervical epidurals allowable and tons of physical therapy. my mother had visited once long enough to assure me that i’d have to go into a nursing home if i stayed in the wheelchair because she wasn’t able (or willing) to take care of me. so i taped a cell to myself at times to keep it within arm’s reach, and crawled to clean the litter box & feed myself for a while, but somehow, i regained the use of everything in time.

except my brain. if i hadn’t proven to be a total idiot already i’d claim landing on my head caused brain damage.

not too long after my disability was approved while in the same apartment i found myself in a different kind of fight. i took trash out to the dumpster around the corner - and i thought i locked the door behind me. i generally did, but honestly, i still don’t know for sure. i came back into the apartment & down the hallway into my bedroom where somebody grabbed the back of my head ramming me headfirst into a full-length mirror shattering it. the next thing i remembered was waking up in the hallway in a mess of goo and yuck, disoriented, trying to figure out what had happened. every movement hurt like hell, and once in the bathroom i saw my face was cut & bruised, & could feel other injuries starting to sting. i cleaned up blood & the broken mirror pieces, took a bath & when i started to realize what had happened, called my son. “It was KYLE, Mom. KYLE did this!’ he said when i told him i thought i’d been raped. i promised him i’d call 911, which i did, and a complete rape kit was done along with over 200 pictures taken. afterwards i called Kyle & told him i’d been raped, and he simply hung up the phone. did he HEAR me? it wasn’t unusual for him to be so drunk by that time of night i couldn’t even understand him, and sometimes he had just hung up on me or passed out on the phone. one thing i DID know is that he was impotent. i had been torn vaginally AND rectally, and he had pretty much zero interest in sex, so i couldn’t fathom how he might’ve been responsible for this. so without another phone call to him, i made arrangements to move out of state nearer my kids into a secure apartment bldg. as we were leaving town my son called him to say we’d left cats in the apartment and i was gone.

you’d think that would’ve been the end of Kyle & me, wouldn’t you? but no. if i’d been smart, you bet, but nobody ever accused me of having good sense.

long before he & i were really over a warrant was issued for his arrest for sexual assault, i had to plead his case & his innocence fearing for my life. i’d shoot up his house and be 5150′ed when i couldn’t quite bring myself to blow my brains out with a 9mm. i’d called my sons that horrific night begging them to tell me they loved me at which time 1 said, ‘you’ve got a wrong number’, and the other said, ‘go for it, Mom.’ it was several more years before i finally did leave with bruising severe enough to require a CT scan of my face. PTSD has been added to my list of maladies & i wake up screaming on a fairly regular basis, the nightmares i can remember too gruesome for words. kyle drank himself to death a couple years ago, and oddly enough, even though i hadn’t had any contact with him in 5 yrs i knew when he died. i woke up middle of the night with something telling me to google his full name, & when i did i found a classified with his sister handling his estate, the company attorney listed as well. when i emailed his longtime drinking buddy i was told kyle had ‘gone off the deep end,’ and that house he’d demanded i keep the white carpet pristine in had been 3 feet deep in beer cans when he was found 5-6 days after his apparent demise. i’m guessing the cats feasted on his meaty parts.

my doctor asked me recently how i felt when i learned of his death, & i told him that i’d cried. the man had never owned a ‘used’ car, or lived in anything except new homes. he’d been handed an oil & gas company right out of college that was barely getting by, most likely because both he & his brother were drunk daily before noon. it was just a total waste of a life that could’ve been used to do so much good. a complete & total waste.

the day i had someone helping me get my things to leave kyle had come into the house from the back alley with his buddy way earlier than usual, and taken off in his buddy’s truck like lightning seeing me packing. i’d already gotten an emergency protective order but with the garage on the alley he’d had no way of knowing i hadn’t just eaten a few extra oxy’s and passed back out (typical) after i kneed him in the groin to get him off me, his hands from around my throat. it wasn’t unusual for kyle & his buddy to drink in the garage daily, after about 3 or so, but it was noon when they’d come in. i remembered sending kyle & his buddy pics of my swelling face the night before, telling them, ‘never again. he’s never gonna touch me or anybody else again.’ my knees went a little weak recalling the usual threats. he’d told me over & over again how easy it’d be for my body to disappear, that it would make something called ‘condensate’ and nobody would ever find me when i was disposed of at a well site. i couldn’t help but wonder if this was that time.

there are probably still people surprised that i finally left and stayed gone, but that was 7 1/2 years ago & somehow the thought of what might have been kept me away. he’d sent me a friend request the summer before his death, which i promptly deleted. DELETE, DELETE, DELETE. no, thank, you.

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willar · 5 years

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THE NINE WAYS TO DESTROY YOUR LIFE AND EVERYONE AROUND YOU

Before I tell you about my date who smoked crack and got messages from dead people on TV sets I want to say that I don't write about "self-help".

I think that is a BS industry. It's hard enough to help ourselves, let alone help others.

Most of the time, every day is a battle against the things that will take us down. I've fallen so much I've come up with a comprehensive catalog of the nine ways you can destroy your life.

As long as you avoid these nine things, you will jump from rock to rock across the pond and make it to the other side.

Don't do them:

- SICKNESS.

Sometimes it's not your fault if your sick. But, don't fool yourself - most of the time it's 100% your fault.

When my stomach hurts it might mean I was too stressed the day before. Or it might mean too much popcorn at the movies. Or too much to drink last night.

Too little sleep is linked to sickness. It turns out that too much lying is linked to more complaining about health.

You can make many choices to prevent sickness or improve health. You already know what they are. You don't need to read them in a book.

- INERTIA

When I go to a networking dinner, many of the people talk about the books they have no time to write. The dinner might go until midnight. No wonder they have no time to write their books.

About a year ago Morgan Spurlock was filming a series for Showtime about "The Seven Deadly Sins". They called me up and wanted to follow me around for a day for their segment on "Greed".

I told them "Ok" but my day is pretty boring: I read, I write, I walk, I make some phone calls, I read some more, eat, sleep.

They never called me back.

I was talking to David Levien on my podcast a few weeks ago (hasn't aired yet). He told me how he commuted into work and he would look around and everyone would be reading the NY Post or sleeping. "I didn't want this to be a dead end for me," he said. He got depressed about it.

So he took out his computer and started writing every day on the commute.

A chapter a day. In a year he had his novel done. "City of the Sun". It became a bestseller. While everyone else was sleeping all around him. His fourth novel in the series comes out in March.

- DOUBTS

I started a company, Stockpickr, in 2006. For some reason I did not do any competitive research. I just assumed my site was the only site.

It turned out I had about five competitors, some significantly more advanced than mine. I started to cry. I didn't know what to do.

But I knew I had more passion for the project and more knowledge than any of my competitors but I was very afraid they would "defeat" me.

When you pour your soul into something, it turns a tea of boiling water into nuclear energy.

I have never doubted since then that when I pour everything I have into a project that it will turn into a nuclear project. If I write down ten ideas on how to make my business better, then it will become better.

Eight months later I sold that business. All of my competition went out of business.

- LAZINESS

I did a podcast the other day with Dave Berg, who produced The Tonight Show for 20 years. I was really grateful he agreed to come on my podcast.

He told me one of his favorite guests was Dennis Rodman. But often it was hard to get Rodman into the actual studios. He told me one time Rodman was supposed to be on the show but the day before he was doing some event in Nashville.

So Dave flew to Nashville that day but then he lost track of where Rodman was. It turns out Rodman went out to Las Vegas and forgot to take Dave with him.

So Dave flew to Las Vegas and then LA. Rodman made it to the show.

Dave Berg got amazing guests on Jay Leno's show for 20 years not by sending out a bunch of emails every day and saying, "Well, I did the best I could."

He actually DID the best he could.

- CARELESSNESS

One time my agent pitched a book to a publisher I really wanted to work with.

She said no.

I said to him, take her out to lunch and ask her why. He hung up. Then he called me back and said, "if you ever tell me what to do again then that's the last conversation we have."

It turned out that's the last conversation we ever had.

He had been my agent for about a decade. He had made a lot of money because of me and this was the first time he was talking back to me.

So I called the publisher and explained why this was the perfect book for her. I went up to her offices. She told me why she said, "no". I rewrote the whole proposal. I submitted again. She said, "yes".

You get careless when you don't check every angle. When you get carved into a routine that is destined to be a road to nowhere.

My agent will disappear with his industry. Maybe he'll find something he loves doing. But he won't do it by being careless.

- VACILLATING

I wasted two years of my life once. HBO offered me a job and I didn't feel ready to take it. I thought I had to write a novel. To "be that guy" who wrote a novel.

Note: I was applying for a programmer position.

So I waited two years, never published a novel, and then finally went for the job.

There's no right or wrong decisions. There's just decisions. You either make them or you wait to make them. And while you are waiting, everything in your life goes on hold.

- NO PROGRESS

I started a dating site once. Or twice. Many times actually. I had this obsession with starting a dating site. I think it was a perverse sexual fantasy that I wanted to help two people meet each other and eventually have sex with each other.

In any case, I never made any progress on any of these sites. I always had this dream that I'd launch a website and the traffic would be so big that the servers would shut down.

That did happen to me once. With a finance site. And with my blog. But I never had so much traffic that a dating site would work. When there's no forward motion I shut it all down pretty quickly.

Why not? If you are writing down ten ideas a day there are many more things to explore.

Don't try to dig a well where there's no water underneath.

- DELUSIONS

One time I went out on a date with someone I had just met. It was really the worst type of date one could imagine.

For one thing, I didn't know that she was really into crack.

For another thing, I didn't know that she received messages from dead people through TV screens.

I left that date pretty quickly when she was screaming at the TV in her hotel room.

That's an extreme case. Every day I get business plans from people who think their business is the one business that will change the world forever. I got a plan the other day that was a social network for dead people. That's an example.

Most people fall for a cognitive bias called "Sunk cost bias" where because they've already invested a lot of energy into something, then it must be the greatest business possible.

Always take a step back and make sure you aren't deluded. Are you solving an urgent problem for someone in a scalable fashion and is it showing forward progress.

Or, in a relationship, how many people do you know who are going out with men or women who are unavailable? Fact: 95% of relationships that start off with one person betraying another don't work out.

Don't be deluded.

- FALLING BACKWARDS

I was talking on my podcast with Brian Koppelman, who wrote Rounders and Oceans 13 and, my favorite, Solitary Man. He told me that he had been having trouble grappling with some issues while writing Solitary Man.

This is where he could've fallen backwards and stopped writing one of my favorite movies ever.

Instead, he found a safety net where he could play out his ideas and work through his issues. He started doing stand up comedy. Then he finished the movie.

If a business is going bad: if you are losing clients or key employees, you can give up. That's ok. But have your safety net. Your plan B.

Know that you can still do something productive and this will see you through to the other side, rather than caving in to feelings of failure and misery and "Why me?"

Writing ten ideas down every day, being healthy, being grateful and giving to others, will always give you the safety net where you can fall and then bounce higher than you've ever been before.

As Tony Robbins said on my podcast with him, "if you ask lousy questions, you get lousy answers". "Why me?" Is a lousy question.

When you feel yourself falling backwards, remember that you are the average of the five people you surround yourself with.

But even more important, remember that you are the average of the five thoughts you have throughout the day. You can choose "anger" or "gratitude". You can choose "regret" or "what did I learn?" You can choose, "I give up" or you can try standup comedy for awhile.

The easiest way to help yourself is to just don't hurt yourself. Nobody can do this but you. This is the meaning of "choose yourself". Nothing else.

Later, I'm going to go to the supermarket. I like watching all the people. Beautiful people. Ugly people. People with stories.

Each one of us was carved out a piece of universe that was given to us when we are born.

All we have to do is carry it safety until the day we die. We have to protect that piece, to shine it each day so it can reflect and learn from everything that happens to us.

Later we will all get to meet and put the pieces back together. We'll all make something new and beautiful together.

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thetygre · 6 years

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30 Day Monster Challenge 2 - Day 11: Favorite Giant/Ogre/Troll

1. Jotnar (Trollhunter)

The trolls in Trollhunter are the perfect giants to me; drawn straight from folklore, with all the weaknesses and traits from legend. They can range in size from a few feet tall to titans. Their design has a lot of charm to it, where they’re kind of cute from a certain angle, but they’re also raw and dangerous, with weathered skin and matted fur. There’s variety to their designs; I’m especially fond of the troll with the multiple heads. You get the feeling that the trolls are really ancient, elemental things that are part of the land. That blend of fairy tale magic and dark fantasy grit just perfectly encapsulates what I love to see out of giants.

2. Cyclops (Ray Harryhausen)

The cyclops is arguably one of Ray Harryhausen’s most iconic creations. Harryhausen changed how the cyclops is depicted in fantasy media from its creation on. I remember in an interview that Harryhausen said his thought process was like the same for Medusa; classical depictions of the cyclops were always just a man with the single eye, and he wanted to do something unique and monstrous. Years later, his cyclops is still my favorite; totally fantastic, with the kind of eager energy that all Ray Harryhausen’s creations had.

3. Ogre (Dragon’s Dogma)

It was a tough call between the Dragon’s Dogma cyclops and ogre. The cyclops is pretty fantastic, built around the idea that the cyclops was inspired by old mammoth fossils. But you know what the cyclops doesn’t have? SICK DROP KICKS, that’s what. Dragon’s Dogma’s ogre has a face like a gargoyle and a body like a chimpanzee. When it gets mad, its ass starts glowing and it throws a temper tantrum. And that’s a lot more intimidating when it sounds, especially when it comes barreling out of the pitch blackness right at you, picks you up, and the last blessed thing you see on this earth is your face going into its mouth. And it only gets worse when they get into groups…

4. Trolls (Discworld)

The Disc doesn’t have orcs; it has trolls, and they rock. I’m not sorry for that pun, because Pratchett plays pretty hard into the fact that his trolls are basically elementals. Their teeth are made of diamonds, they drink molten metal, and they actually get smarter the colder they get. But there’s just a raw, dumb lovable quality to the trolls. When they pull through, either for themselves or for other characters, they show what a head full of rocks is worth.

5. Trolls (Berserk)

It’s a shame these little guys are horrible rape monsters, because they’re adorable. Seriously, I can’t get enough of the trolls’ design. They look like teddy bears mixed with star-nosed moles. I just want to pick one up and cuddle it while it tries to kick free. Even the way they move in a horde is kind of endearing. They’re like frenzying sharks, just stuffing everything they can grab into their mouths, crawling in and out of everything. They’re the vilest, most adorable little horrors to ever crawl out from between dimensional planes.

6. Hawkeye Gough (Dark Souls)

Another tough call. I love you, Giant Blacksmith, I really do, but once again, sick-ass martial arts takes the advantage. You hear about Hawkeye Gough at first in legend, and there’s nothing to indicate that he’s a giant, or so incredibly chill. When you finally meet him, you meet a veteran of wars long past, withdrawn from the world. He occupies his time whittling talking carvings, but its clear he pines for the old days of warring with the Everlasting Dragons. Asking him to help with Kalameet is the best thing to happen to him in years. Also, his boss fight is kind of awesome. I mean, it’s horrible that you betray him and break his old giant heart and kill one of the last good things in the world, but it’s a sweet fight. There are elbow drops involved. That’s all I’m gonna’ say.

7. Hill Giants (Jack the Giant Slayer)

This was such a cheesy fantasy B-movie. I kind of have to appreciate its earnestness now, just going for a high fantasy fairy tale movie without being ‘dark and edgy’ or ‘the real version’. Part of that fairy tale charm was the giants. I call them hill giants because that’s what they remind me most of. These guys are hard fairy tale creatures. They’ve got a nice sense of scale to them, they’re buffoonish, but also cruel. They can turn from ‘stupid’ to ‘scary’ really fast when they need to. I like the caricature look to them, the exaggerated noses and eyes. It reminds me of cavemen, or the pictures of giants from an old picture book I have.

8. Tundra Giants (Skyrim)

Skyrim’s giants don’t talk a lot, so they’re kind of lacking in the personality department. They don’t really need to talk, because they only need to know two things: 1.) They love cheese and 2.) You are too close to their mammoths. The giants don’t care how many dragons or draugr you’ve killed; you so much as look at their mammoths for a second too long and they’ll launch you into the stratosphere. I really do appreciate how the giants have their own hidden culture, though. They clearly live based around herding megafauna, and they have designated spaces and their own written language. The giants are beyond the affairs of people; their only concern is with the land.

9. Stone Giants (The Hobbit)

Confession time; I didn’t 100% hate the stone giants in The Hobbit. Were they a massive diversion that ate into the time and were completely unnecessary? Absolutely. But I still liked them. These are some good rock elementals, and the concept that they play by just clobbering each other on stormy nights is a fun concept. How do elemental beings even have fun? Do they even have a concept of it, or is it the same as fighting? More importantly, giants in Middle Earth have been an interesting mystery for me since middle school. Tolkien mentions that trolls were made from giants, but its never stated exactly what giants are. The running theory was ents, but now I think that’s kind of up in the air. Giants being giant rock monsters could even explain why trolls turn to stone. So you see, the rock giants weren’t completely pointless after all. To me. And this one specific bit of Tolkien trivia.

10. Graug (Shadow of War)

It’s a rancor. Remember the rancor from Star Wars? Well here it is, but it’s a troll now. Graugs are the alpha predators of Mordor, and it’s not clear whether they’re what trolls were made from or what feral trolls degenerated into. What is clear is that they’ll eat anything they can get their claws on, including orcs, caragors, and smaller trolls. I love the simplicity of the graug, both as a creature and a design. It’s going for more than your standard troll, but it knows what it is and doesn’t try to reach beyond it. Its place in Mordor’s ecosystem makes it feel like a dinosaur, and you really get a sense that it’s a living animal in its habitat. That, and your uruks can NOT hunt them without Mom watching them and cheering them on from the sidelines.

#30 Day Monster Challenge 2 #30 Day Monster Challenge #giant #giants #ogre #trolls #Dark Souls #Berserk #Skyrim #Lord of the Rings #Discworld #Dragon's Dogma #long post

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mingyus-noona · 6 years

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Chingu (Joshua)

Title: Chingu Member(s): Joshua (ft. Jeonghan) Fanfiction type: Story, one-shot Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Sad Chapter: 1 Word count: 3,918

I don’t even remember how I got this idea, but it was heartbreaking to write. I wanted to finish and upload it soon, so it didn’t turn out as good as I wanted it to. I also had no idea what to call this, but the title pretty much speaks for itself.

Dedicated to @girlwhojustloveskpop because Joshua is her ultimate bias. Hope you enjoy! ============================================================

Joshua can’t do this. His gag reflex kicks in and his body lurches forward as an automatic response, an attempt to make sure he pukes his guts out into the toilet bowl and no where else. It’s funny how even in a situation like this, he worries about not wanting to disappoint others. Particularly, he wants to make sure he keeps Hansu’s floor clean. If any vomit happens to spill over onto the plush carpet, he will certainly drop back down to the floor and clean it himself, even in his current condition.

With one hand, he pushes his messy, sweaty hair out of his eyes, while he shoves the other balled up hand into his mouth, trying to force himself to throw up again. Both hands were previously gripping the toilet seat and he will probably come down with pink eye or some other infection from it sooner or later, but that’s the last thing on his mind.

He spends the next few minutes with his hand still in his mouth and at least half an hour with his face still pressed into the toilet. He pukes and spits into the porcelain until his mouth runs dry and there’s no saliva left at all. His throat aches from the whole commotion he’s caused, and he must have forced all his stomach’s contents up and out into Hansu’s toilet, which he’s had to flush three times now, both due to the stench and the sheer amount of crap that he’s filled it with.

What should matter is that all the pills are out, that he’s still conscious, even though moments before, he wished he weren’t. How stupid is he that he was really going to try and kill himself? How desperate can he be that he actually let it get to this?

Boy, his parents will flip if they find out he’d gotten tied up with the wrong crowd. When it started, he’d been in Korea for a few months, but he was having a hard time adjusting to it all. Living alone, the amount of time spent practicing, improving his spoken Korean―since he’d mostly used it with just his family―and actually learning how to properly read and write the language. He needed the assistance of another trainee, a kid named Hansol, who spoke English and Korean. Joshua was embarrassed after finding out because when he first saw Hansol, he thought he didn’t speak any Korean at all.

But he feels like an even bigger idiot looking back at when he first met Hansu. He’d been having a really difficult week, so he told Pledis he was sick and then snuck out and spent an entire day at a restaurant, ordering bowl after bowl of ramen, until he physically could not eat anymore.

Hansu had been there long enough to realize that Joshua was not going to relinquish his seat, so he came over and asked to sit down. Joshua would have normally been cautious and politely said no or offered to leave, but he didn’t care anymore and just shrugged.

Hansu was nice, friendly. He asked if Joshua was going through a hard time. And after a small nod, he pushed a folded up piece of paper across the table and silently stood up to leave.

Joshua was not the kind of person to get involved with strangers, no matter how low he was feeling. But over the weeks that followed, even his recently formed bond with the new trainee Jeonghan couldn’t bring Joshua out of his slump. So he gave Hansu a call.

Hansu suggested they meet up at a club, which made Joshua nervous. That wasn’t his scene at all. But he snuck out of the dorm at midnight and went anyway, thankful Jeonghan was already asleep. Had he been awake, he would have stopped Joshua from leaving for sure.

The club was very dimly lit, and the puffs of smoke that trailed from cigarettes and joints made it even harder to see. It took nearly ten long minutes of being shoved up against other club-goers to spot Hansu, and that was only because he noticed Joshua, not the other way around. Within minutes, there was a drink in his hand and a girl by his side, ready to do anything he wanted. He tried protesting, but was eventually coaxed into finishing the drink, even though it tasted awful. The girl, however, he politely declined, saying that he wasn’t like that.

By the end of the first hour, he was regretting even coming out in the first place. But by the second, he was feeling more relaxed, calm. He had no idea it was because Hansu had slipped something into another drink he’d handed over to Joshua. And the two got to talking, back at Hansu’s place, rather than the stuffy, cramped club.

For the first time, Joshua finally thought he’d found someone who could understand at least some of what he’d been through. Hansu had been born abroad as well, but came to Korea for different reasons. Still, that feeling of being different and foreign, especially in the so-called homeland, had hit them both.

They continued to talk for hours, until Joshua started to doze off. By that point, Hansu had offered him some sort of pill, which he took. In his sleepy state, he would have said yes to pretty much anything.

Hansu had offered some healing, a therapy session. He’d spun it a bunch of ways, but Joshua was willing to give whatever it was a try. But he’d underestimated just what he was getting into, and now he wishes he would have been his usual smart, reserved self, instead of the fool he is right now.

His chin is resting on the toilet seat and his eyes are closed. One hand is pressed to his forehead, but he really wishes he can hide his entire being behind it. He’s embarrassed that he even thought to do something like this. He wishes he can shut the bathroom door. He would if there were even one to begin with.

Apparently, one of Hansu’s buddies accidentally crashed into it so hard it flew right off the hinges. They were drunk at the time, of course, and thought it was hilarious. No one thought, or even cared, to fix it. Besides, the kind of people who came to Hansu’s parties had no qualms about going to the bathroom in front of other people, and Joshua had seen a few of them get completely naked at Hansu’s place frequently enough to realize that hardly anything in their world was given specialized attention. People hardly batted an eyelash, even at the most idiotic, crazy things were happening right near them.

The bathroom hardly even deserves the name it is given. It’s really just an old toilet and an even older sink, which Joshua had never seen anyone touch, which must be why it constantly has a drip. The many hours he’d spent down here were accompanied by the slow, low drizzle in the background. While everyone else giggled and guffawed and chatted away, he was able to focus on it the entire time. It took a while for him to be able to ignore it, but he eventually did, and he started to find himself visiting Hansu and his friends regularly.

Done with retching, Joshua picks himself off the floor and stands, but a wave of dizziness sends his body back to the floor. The wooziness gives him deja vu. Suddenly, he’s back to the beginning of his journey, to the small, airplane bathroom he threw up in while en route to Korea.

Sad, slimy chunks had left his mouth and sprayed all over the bathroom and down his khaki cargo shorts and pink-and-green striped polo, the stench from which never seemed to go away. It’s lost somewhere or in Chan’s or Seungkwan’s or Soonyoung’s closet. He was sure he’d seen a suspiciously familiar-looking shirt in one of their rooms recently, but he can’t remember which, nor does he care very much about the loss. He is only happy he was able to pawn it off on one of them, a way to both get rid of the smell he could always sense―but that the others probably hadn’t noticed due to not knowing the story behind it―and to try and forget the uneasy mood that characterized his arrival in Korea.

Getting the chance to become a singer was amazing, truly the opportunity of a lifetime, one that he was lucky enough to have stumbled into. But it wasn’t all a field of daisies. He’d already had a life that he was used to and grateful for in LA. Yes, it was his choice to leave all that behind and face the unfamiliar, uncertain future that lay ahead. Yes, he knew that it might be accompanied by some pain. But he did it anyway, because if he didn’t at least give it a chance, he would regret it forever.

“Jisoo!” Hana calls, stumbling into the “bathroom” and interrupting his thoughts. She already seems drunk, even though she had just arrived, but she seems inebriated every time Joshua sees her, so he doesn’t expect anything less than her current state. “Jisoo,” she coos into his ear, paying no attention to the fact that the toilet is full of puke and his face is against the seat, his body lazily and carelessly hanging behind him, with sweat covering every inch of his skin. “Jisoo, are you listening?” She lets out a laugh, and Joshua can tell immediately that she’d pre-gamed pretty hard before coming over, like usual.

“Waeyo?” he croaks out. He doesn’t want to see anyone at this party right now. He hasn’t had any alcohol tonight, but with his decision-making skills from the past hour or two, he might as well have had a bunch.

She kneels down next to him. “Fuck, Jisoo, why do you always have to be so sexy?”

In his sober, but nonetheless idiotic, mind, he is able to tell that this sounds really stupid. But in her own drunk mind, looking past the complete and utter shit of the situation, all she’s looking at is his youth, his charming smile, his kind demeanor. All of which she’d complimented him on before and which are buried under all the hell that has been wearing down his body, his soul, his mind, his entire fucking well-being that is probably 0% well and 100% being a stupid, reckless, dumb-ass idiot right now.

But he’s at least in the right mind enough to realize that this is not the time to try and score. His head would have shot up in response to the ridiculousness of her statement, had it not already been yanked up by her hand. With better access, she presses her lips to his ear and whispers, rather loudly, that she wants him. “I don’t see how you can possibly be a virgin, Hong Jisoo. You’re just too wonderful and precious for this world. You’re so hot, and, god, you look really fuckable right now.”

“Don’t touch me,” he says as soon as he feels her lips on his. “Get the fuck away from me.”

She’s taken aback. Never in the few months of knowing Joshua had she ever heard him curse. “Jisoo–”

“Leave me alone.”

She looks genuinely confused. “Why are you being like this?”

Joshua can’t get over how dumbfounded she’s being. He’d turned down her first attempt to sleep with him from a few weeks before, but here she is, trying again.

“I can make you feel good.” Her hand travels to his jeans, but Joshua swats it away.

“Fuck off. I feel awful.“

She laughs lightly. “We all feel awful. That’s why we come here.” She’s wearing a necklace with a shamrock-shaped charm on it, and after some struggle, she pulls it over her wild, unbrushed hair and holds it out to Joshua. “I was saving this. I was going to find some hot idiot to do it off of later if I hadn’t seen you. But you could use it more than me right now, I think. Take it.” After Joshua doesn’t make any advancement, she tosses it in his direction, but he doesn’t move a muscle and it falls to the ground with a small thud.

“I don’t want it,” Joshua says, leaving her behind as he quickly makes his way over to the stairs.

“Jisoo, wait,” she calls, ditching her shoes so she can catch up to him. When she does, she grabs his arm and yanks him back. “What’s wrong? You seem really tense.”

“I told you, I feel fucking awful.” He turns before she can see that he’s about to cry and takes the steps two, sometimes three, at a time so he can get to the first floor and get the hell out of here. His dorm is not that far away, but the tears are coming out so fast, his vision is blurring substantially by the second.

He finds the coat closet and ducks into it. No one uses it, instead tossing their coats somewhere randomly when it gets too hot to bear. In the morning, Hansu always ends up with more outerwear, random socks and pants and the occasional undergarment than he knows what to do with. All of these get shoved into the closet as a form of tidying up.

There’s no light bulb in the closest, so he sits in complete dark silence for a long time. He’s not sure how long exactly. He’s balling as hard as ever right now. He cries himself to sleep, until there’s a commotion outside the closet that startles him awake.

He has to call someone. Pledis has been used to him missing curfew lately, and he’s surprised they haven’t kicked him out yet. But he might as well be as good as gone. He will be after tomorrow, anyway. Jeonghan had warned him that there was supposed to be a drug test for all the trainees. Had someone tipped them off about Joshua partying with Hansu and his crowd, he wondered. But Jeonghan had assured him that it was just precaution, to make sure they were all taking the best care of themselves that they could.

They hadn’t caught him, but they would tomorrow. It doesn’t change the fact that he’s still fucked. Enough to try and kill himself, rather than face the humiliation of getting kicked out and having to go home after spending all this time here. He wishes he can crawl in a hole and die. Not literally―at least not anymore, because he realized that it was stupid and wouldn’t solve anything. But it doesn’t mean tomorrow won’t be a shitstorm and he’ll get dismissed for sure.

His hand touches the cool surface of his phone and he pulls it from the pocket of his pants. After pressing the phone icon listed under Jeonghan’s contact, he puts it to his ear.

He was the first one to talk to Jeonghan at the latter’s arrival at Pledis, and the two had struck up a deep friendship since then. If anyone has his back, it’s Jeonghan.

“Shua?” Jeonghan’s voice asks. “Where are you? It’s nearly 1 am. Should I come get you?” Joshua can hear Jeonghan looking around for shoes to put on.

“Please,” he whispers into the phone.

“Are you crying?”

“No,” Joshua says through tears.

“Shua,” Jeonghan says, his voice stern but filled with concern and sympathy.

“I am, okay. Just please come get me.”

“Where are you?” he repeats.

“I don’t remember the address exactly. Let me go outside and see.” Joshua makes his way outside and gives the house and street number to his friend.

“I’ll be there soon. Don’t go anywhere.”

“Okay.” He sits down on the sidewalk, and it isn’t until Jeonghan gets there and pulls him to his feet that he realizes he forgot one of his shoes inside.

“Forget it,” he says when he notices Jeonghan’s attention had gone to his feet.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, please. I just want to get out of here.”

Jeonghan nods and wraps an arm around his dongsaeng, letting him cry into his shirt. They silently start their walk back to Pledis. It isn’t that far, but the fact that there are no buses and hardly any other transportation running at this hour really sucks, because Jeonghan is sure Joshua wants nothing more than to be home right now. And the only option is a taxi, but he’s also sure Joshua would want to be spared the embarrassment of being caught like this in front of anyone other Jeonghan himself. So all he can do is comfort his best friend to the best of his ability.

But he hates to see him cry like this. Cry over nothing. He knows that tonight’s excursion must have something to do with the impending drug test, so he can’t keep silent anymore. “Shua, you can relax. There’s no drug test.”

“What?” Joshua lifts his head to look his hyung in the eyes. “What are you talking about? If they called it off, they’ll probably still do it. That way, they’ll catch people who think they’re in the clear.” He’d seen a few people at the company drinking before, even though it was forbidden. And Pledis wasn’t made up of idiots. They knew some of the trainees drank, so they were going to do an alcohol test too. “If they told you that―”

“They didn’t tell me anything. Trust me, there is no drug test. I made it all up.”

“What?” Jeonghan had lied? “Why?”

“Because you needed to be scared. You’ve been a mess lately. Can’t you see it? I told you you needed to stop. I wasn’t saying that for nothing.”

“So you tried to trick me?” He was the entire reason Joshua went out tonight.

“You need to see how fucked up this is. You’re being stupid. I don’t want to be an asshole, and you’re my best friend, but I don’t want to see you like this.”

Joshua pulls away from Jeonghan and picks up his pace.

“Where are you going?” Jeonghan walks faster as well, especially now that Joshua is about to cross the street and isn’t even paying attention to the traffic. “Why are you so mad? I did this because I care about you.”

“You care about me? You really fucking care about me?” Joshua laughs darkly as he shakes his head.

“What?” Jeonghan prompts.

Joshua shakes his head again and turns away from Jeonghan, stepping out into the street.

Finally catching up, Jeonghan grabs Joshua’s arm to pull him back onto the sidewalk before he can become roadkill. “What are you doing, pabo? Are you an idiot? Of course I care about you. Why else would I try to get you off the drugs? Hey, really, what’s up?” Jeonghan reaches over to pull Joshua’s head up, and he forces the younger boy to look at him. “Hey.”

“I took a bunch of pills tonight.”

“You tried to kill yourself?”

Joshua shrugs. “I guess. If it came to that, I guess I didn’t really care. I just knew tomorrow would be hell and I’d gotten in too deep to easily fix this.”

"We need to get you to the hospital.” Jeonghan wraps his arms around Joshua’s waist and squeezes at his stomach in an attempt to get him to throw up.

“Stop,” Joshua says. “I already threw them up before I called you.”

Jeonghan is crying now too. He wants so much to be mad at Joshua, and he is, but one look at his face makes Jeonghan feel protective. Joshua had made some stupid decisions, even against his friend’s warning, but Jeonghan’s heart aches for him.

He pulls the younger boy closer by the wrist and embraces him, allowing him to press his entire weight on Jeonghan’s chest. “It’s okay,” he whispers. “I didn’t know that’s how you felt. If I knew―trust me, I would have done something and not taken no for an answer.” He chokes on his tears. “I can’t believe you could have been dead right now. I’m really glad you aren’t. Shua, if you were―”

“Please don’t cry over me,” Joshua suddenly says, very blunt and abrupt. He’s stern, almost like he’s scolding. Like Jeonghan is being reprimanded for having a conscience, for caring.

“You’re my best friend. Of course I’m gonna be hurt that you’re going through this. That you almost died….That you…wanted to.”

“It’s embarrassing,” Joshua says into Jeonghan’s collarbone, thankful his face is hidden. “I’m humiliated. I was stupid. I was a pussy.”

Jeonghan pulls back and forces Joshua to look him in the eye. “You were scared. You almost killed yourself because I was a selfish, idiotic fuck who was afraid he couldn’t get his friend to see he deserved better. And I was jealous. I don’t know, it sounds really cheesy, but we became friends and all. We would hang out together all day, practice together. I just missed you, since you were always going off somewhere and you never told me until I found out. You know, sometimes I’d pretend to be sleeping when you snuck out. I wanted to know if you’d wake me and tell me where you were going so I wouldn’t worry in case I woke up later and saw that you weren’t there. I’m sorry I lied. I didn’t know what to do, since you wouldn’t listen to me.”

Joshua sighs. Jeonghan had tried, had followed him on a few occasions as well. He’d wanted so badly for his best friend to give up the stupid habit he’d acquired and get some help. But it felt like an escape for Joshua, so when he didn’t stop, all Jeonghan could think to do was tell Pledis. But he couldn’t tell them, of course, which is why he made up the lie to get Joshua to quit on his own. He’s a good friend. He cares. He hadn’t outright blabbed, and he isn’t interested in getting Joshua in trouble, only in getting him better.

“I was an idiot,” Joshua says.

“You’re weren’t.”

“I was ready to kill myself, and I almost did. I’m kind of pathetic. I didn’t even realize what you were trying to do for me.”

“Sometimes we don’t realize something is good right away. That’s life. Things are complex and layered. And you’re not pathetic, by the way.”

“I was childish. Why did I think it would solve all my problems?”

“Hey, those were actual, real emotions you were feeling. They’re valid. Everyone has those moments where it feels like the end of the world, at any age. It doesn’t mean you were being childish. You had a right to feel scared. Drugs are a serious thing. I sure as hell am scared right now. I’m literally shaking.” He held out his arm as a demonstration. “I almost lost my best friend, and I was part of the reason. I worried about you every day, and I had no idea it would come to something like this.”

Joshua closes his eyes out of embarrassment. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“Please promise me you won’t do anything like this again,” Jeonghan says.

“Promise.”

“Open your eyes and say it. I’m not judging. Come on, look me in the eyes.”

Joshua opens his eyes and stares straight into Jeonghan’s. “I promise I will stop. It will probably be hard though, so I need you there.”

“Duh,” Jeonghan says. “I would have done this in a heartbeat if you’d asked before.”

They finally reach the Pledis building. “I know. Please don’t mention this to anyone?”

“Of course.” He flashes a smile.

“God, I really was an idiot. Why did I even shut you out like that? And how are you not permanently mad at me?”

“Because we’re best friends and I love you.”

Joshua can’t help but smile. “I love you too. And I absolutely promise not to do anything like this ever again.”

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followingmywanderlust · 4 years

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Revisiting Pura Vida

for access to more photos and videos, visit: https://kyliebreenphotography.com/2020/05/01/revisiting-pura-vida/

Over two years ago I left the country for the first time in my life. I have always had a sense of wanderlust, known as a strong urge to travel. In April of 2018, I signed up for a mission trip to Costa Rica through my high school. Little did I know that my experience abroad would shape me completely (read more here). After experiencing the beauty and peace that I found everywhere in Costa Rica, I knew I would have to return to the place that holds such a special place in my heart.

This January I was fortunate enough to return to Costa Rica through pure luck. My father won a free vacation through his work and he was able to pick from a list of destinations. On that list was a trip for two to Costa Rica. After some serious convincing and a lot of procrastination on my family’s part on deciding where to go, we decided that my dad and I would go to Costa Rica (thanks Mom & Bro!).

My dad and I are the travelers of the family (considering my mom dislikes planes) because my dad has lots of experience traveling for work and I want to see the world. We planned our trip for two weeks, one week with the Caravan tour that he won and one week adventuring on our own. Caravan is a touring service that offers tours in several destinations at an affordable price. You can see the route we decided to take in the map below.

In January it is Costa Rica’s dry season which lasts from mid-November to May. The dry season typically consists of sunny, hot, and windy days. The Caribbean side, however, basically has its own weather pattern and is still rainy even during the dry season. The difference between the Carribean and Pacific side are vastly different which I will explain later in this blog.

GETTING READY

PACKING

I am definitely an overpacker when it comes to travel and the thought of a two-week long trip made me nervous. I started out by making a very long list of things I needed to bring and narrowed it down from there. Here are some key items that you should bring to Costa Rica:

Hats & Sunscreen: you must protect your skin from the blazing sun.

A Camera or GoPro: Costa Rica is absolutely stunning and you will want to capture the wildlife and landscapes, but remember that anything can be lost or sadly stolen when traveling so be extra cautious when brining valuables. I brought my camera and laptop and everything was fine, but on my prior trip I was advised to only pack what I needed. Don’t forget to pack your camera batteries, chargers, and memory cards.

Portable Charger: You never know when your phone will run out of juice so make sure to bring a portable charger so you’re always on the grid!

Bug Spray: There will be several hikes that will introduce you to some unwanted bug bites, so in order to avoid them make sure to pack some spray.

Water Bottles: The tap water in Costa Rica is mostly not safe to drink, so bring water bottles and fill them with fresh water from the grocery store instead. During our trip Caravan provided us with bottled water each day, but on our own we bought gallons of water and filled up our bottles before we left for the day. It is so important to stay hydrated when you are working up a sweat.

Comfortable Clothing: Keep in mind that comfort should come before fashion, especially in such hot weather. There are a series of activities that I did that required a change of clothes, so make sure to pack efficiently. We were able to use a laundromat during the trip so we did not have to pack as much! Make sure to pack hiking shoes, sandals, and water shoes because you will need them.

Toiletries: In many places we stayed, the hotel did not provide shampoo, conditioner, etc. so make sure to bring some of your own or check with where you are staying.

Journal: This may seem silly, but if you are someone like me and you have a bad memory, keeping a daily log of your activities will allow you to revisit your trip at any time.

¿HABLAS ESPAÑOL?

Costa Rica is primarily a Spanish-speaking country so it is a good idea to download a translating app onto your phone. A lot of Costa Ricans speak English as the country depends on tourism for their economy, but don’t expect everyone to. And it’s fun to learn a new language when it is everywhere around you! Go out of your comfort zone and try to ask questions in Spanish.

DATA PLAN

Many data plan providers have an international plan that you can sign up for, but a cheaper option is to buy a new SIM card while you are in Costa Rica. My dad is a tech wizard and he can explain this way better than me, but buying a SIM card is a more affordable option than paying a provider day-to-day. My dad bought one right outside the airport when we landed (it was a little sketchy), and it didn’t work very well so I would recommend talking to your data provider instead. My provider had a special plan for $10 a day and I only used it for 3/4 days when I needed to check in with the world. For the most part I was able to get away with using our hotel’s WiFi.

MONEY

Every Costa Rican shop I went to, whether it was an artisan shop or a restaurant, accepts U.S. dollars as well, but it is not a bad idea to exchange some of those dollars for colones. Most places, especially in San José accept both Visa and Mastercard credit cards, but once outside of the city there are a few small, family-owned businesses that only accept cash.

TRANSPORTATION

We were on our own for the first few days we were in Costa Rica, so we needed a rental car. We used the rental service Adobe rent a car which was very reliable and they even picked us up from the airport and drove us to our car. During our Caravan tour, we were provided transportation everywhere and we had our own bus (shoutout to our bus driver Chega for doing an amazing job).

THE ADVENTURE

TURRIALBA BED & BREAKFAST

After a long day full of travel, we finally arrived at Turrialba Bed & Breakfast, a comfortable, family-owned hotel located in the heart of Turrialba, two hours outside of San José. There are 11 rooms avaliable that are all different sizes. This bed & breakfast is not a typical, luxurious hotel, but it was an excellent way to observe the lives of many locals in Costa Rica. Every morning, one of the staff members would make us breakfast which included pineapples, papayas, rice and beans, juice, toast, and eggs. There is a gorgeous outside patio with many hammocks, a jacuzzi, and several fish tanks that add to a welcoming and relaxing atmosphere. Additionally, there is beautiful rooftop seating with an incredible view of the mountain range surrounding the city. The family was primarily Spanish-speaking, so make sure to know some basic spanish (like if you want fried eggs you should know huevos fritos)!

Within walking distance of the hotel is a beautiful park with a gazebo that the locals love, and restaurants that will not disappoint your taste buds. During my stay, I dined at More Than Words which is right around the corner from the hotel where we enjoyed a delicious pizza and salad.

We stayed at this B&B for two nights and had an amazing time experiencing Costa Rica outside of the populated city.

RIVER RAFTING

After an early morning breakfast at the B&B, we made our way to Tico’s River Adventures. Their base is located in Turrialba only about 10 minutes away from our hotel, and they even offered to pick us up and drop us off! Make sure to pack a change of clothes with you and be aware that you will have the opportunity to swim near the end of the trip, so wear clothes you don’t mind getting dirty/wet. Tico’s website suggests bringing:

swimsuit/shorts (no jeans)

sunscreen or visor

strap to secure glasses

tennis shoes or sandals with ankle straps (no flip flops)

light rain jacket for rainy days

cotton T-shirts for sunny days

A day trip is from 8:30 a.m. to 3:00 p.m., so be prepared for a long day! Tico’s is the first rafting company to get to the river giving them a competitive avantage over other companies. From Tico’s base, participants are picked up at various destinations on the way to the Pacuare River where the rafting takes place. Be aware that you are all squeezed together in a van depending on how many people are going on the trip. The ride took around an hour to an hour and a half total, and near the end of the drive were some very rocky and steep roads. Between the water and the drive, this trip is not for anyone who has motion sickness.

That being said, the long drive was 100% worth it and rafting was one of the biggest highlights of the trip. The Pacuare River is one of the top five most beautiful ratable rivers of the world according to National Geographic Magazine. Flavio was our guide and we were in a six person raft. Flavio spoke fluent English and had worked in California for a long period of time, and he made our rafting journey comfortable, educational, and hilarious. There are bathrooms located at the start of the river, but after that you will not see another bathroom for around two hours. For equipment we wore a lifejacket and helmet to ensure our safety during the trip. We started the rafting by going over basic instructions on how to paddle forwards and backwards which was easy to learn. There were rapids from difficulty levels one to four (none were too difficult in my opinion), and the rafting started out fairly easy. Along the river are two stunning waterfalls, small villages of the indigenous people of Costa Rica, and several rapids.

There are foot straps within the raft for stability, and falling out of the raft is not a problem as the guides are well trained. I only *almost* fell out of the raft once when Flavio decided to do a 360° turn while going down a rapid. I nearly flew off the side but I was thankfully saved by my dad.

At a calm section of the tour, we were able to get out of the raft and swim. It was one of the most calm and relaxing moments of my entire life. I floated on my back and heard the sounds of wildlife from birds chirping to howling monkeys in the distance. The rainforest trees towered above me on either side, and the water’s current swept me through the warm yet refreshing river.

We drifted towards a set of smooth rocks where we docked the rafts and the guides made us a delicious lunch. We were able to build our own tortillas and for dessert there was fresh pineapple.

After lunch, we continued for a while longer down the river until we reached the end of the rapids. We docked the boat and ended at a small restauraunt where we had the option to buy drinks or use the restroom facilities. Throughout the rafting journey, there is a photographer who kayaks ahead to take photos, and they are offered at the end of the trip for those who want to buy them. Overall, I would highly reccommend river rafting to anyone adventurous enough to try!

SAN JOSÉ

While we were at the B&B, someone who was staying there highly recommended the Mercado Central in San José. We had our final breakfast in Turrialba and drove to San José to find the market, but sadly we found it to be closed on Sundays. We paid a small amount to park in a fenced-in lot and we decided to walk around San José even if we didn’t get to go to the market. We decided to try and find Museo del Oro Precolombino (The Pre-Columbian Gold Museum) after doing some research. On our way to the museum we walked through Central Avenue Boulevard which was lined with shops and fast food restarants. Families, couples, and individuals crowded the walking areas with one hand holding an ice cream cone and another grasping a shopping bag. There were vendors along the sides of the path that were selling handmade bracelets, keychains, and more.

On our way to the museum we found ourselves pretty hungry for lunch so we stopped at the National Theater of Costa Rica (Teatro Nacional Costa Rica) for some delicious food. The interior of the theater was stunning and had several statues just inside the enterance. There was a small cafe located within the theater that served brunch. The cafe was very high-end with paintings and sculptures that decorated the interior. Waiters and waitresses were dressed in black and white and the overall feel of the cafe was prestigious. My father had more than one latte they were so delicious, and I enjoyed my meal as well. We got a window seat which was perfect for people-watching and enjoying the warm breeze.

After our lunch we asked directions to the museum and found right next door to the theater (you have to go down some stairs to find it). The museum was massive and had 3 different floors, one for a history of Costa Rican money, another for artwork, and the third for the gold. There were interactive stations, a fascinating video on the indigenous people of Costa Rica, and hundreds of beautiful artifacts. There was an entry fee that was a little pricey, but with the amount of history and art you got to see, it was worth it.

After our adventures in San José we headed to meet our Caravan tour at the airport where everyone was arriving.

CARAVAN TOUR

When traveling, I fear limitations and impetuosity so I did not expect to have the greatest experience with a guided tour. I like to venture off the formed paths and explore on my own with my camera in my hand – free from time constraints and noisy crowds. Nature has always resonated with me and calmed me down so I was afraid I wouldn’t have the same experience on this tour as I did when exploring Costa Rica on my own.

My fears were silly. This tour was incredible and because of it I was able to see some of the most stunning spots of Costa Rica. Martha Seeyle was our amazing guide and she made the experience so much better by teaching us about the culture and history of Costa Rica. There were some long bus rides, but Martha always had something new up her sleeve to teach us.

After settling in at Hotel Barceló in San Jose, we prepared for our first day of activities: a trip to a coffee farm.

COFFEE TOUR & BUTTERFLY FARM: ALAJUELA If you are not an early riser, this trip may not be for you! We woke up at 7:00 a.m. and grabbed a buffet style breakfast at the hotel (which was very yummy). After breakfast we departed for Alajuela, but on the way we stopped at an artisan souvenir shop and saw the world’s largest ox cart! We got a mini tour of where they make the wheels of ox carts and saw some artisans in action. They provided some fruit and a lemonade-tasting drink (that apparently wasn’t lemonade) for us to snack on. We were given time to shop around the store and use the restrooms, and then we were off to the Doka Coffee Plantation.

Once we arrived we ate a buffet-style lunch in an open area full of seating, and we were the only group there. After we finished eating we were given the opportunity to explore the grounds which had a butterfly garden! There were two levels to the garden and plenty of open space for the butterflies to fly around.

Our guide for the coffee tour was very knowledgable, but in my opinion I found the tour to be a bit bland at times considering I have no interest in coffee. Our guide took us through the step-by-step process of collecting coffee beans from picking them to roasting them and we even watched a short video about the plantation before we started our tour.

One pretty great part though was that we got to sample some chocolate and vanilla covered beans (if you couldn’t tell I have a sweet tooth). We were also given the opportunity to buy the bags of beans directly from the plantation which was pretty neat after just watching the step-by- step process.

I think that a lot of people on the tour enjoyed the plantation, but because I am not a coffee drinker and I prefer activities with a little more action, this was my least favorite activity while on the trip (it only goes up from here!).

We arrived back at our hotel around 3:30 which gave us plenty of time to do some exploring around the hotel and get some rest before dinner. We walked to a local market to pick up some snacks because we had already run out of the ones we brought, and had a relaxing evening. Hotel Barceló was one of the nicest hotels we stayed at with functional wifi, great food, and comfortable and spacious rooms. The only issue is that they played the same exact song on repeat for every single meal to the point where it became a running joke and we could all hum along to it.

RESCATE ANIMAL ZOOAVE: FORTUNA We left the hotel at 8:00 a.m. after enjoying another buffet-style breakfast at the hotel and in no time we arrived at the Rescate Animal Zooave, a wildlife rescue center located in Fortuna. The center is home to 800 animals that are not able to be released into the wild due to injury or becoming desensitized to humans. We watched a short video about the history and mission of the center and we were encouraged to donate to help the animals in the end for surgeries or for new equipment. I took over a thousand photos alone at the center of all the stunning birds, iguanas that roamed free, crocodiles, monkeys, and more. We didn’t even get to see all of the animals the park was so big, and we had a pretty funny encounter with one of the monkeys. We had another buffet-style lunch (we got used to it) at the center which was very yummy, but we ran out of time to try and see the rest of the park. All of the animals seemed to be treated very well and the establishment was clean and welcoming which made me feel really good.

We headed to our next hotel, Magic Mountain Hotel located in Fortuna. To break up the drive, we stopped at a stunning park where we grabbed ice cream and walked around. There were two adorable, stray (we think) dogs in the park that were very friendly and hung out with us while we ate our ice cream.

The great thing about this tour was that Martha always made sure we broke up the longer drives which gave us a chance to grab some food, stretch our legs, and use the restroom. I believe the longest we were in the bus at one time was 2-3 hours.

We arrived at the hotel around 4:00 and instead of eating dinner at the hotel, my dad and I decided to take a 20 minute walk (2km) into town to grab some local dinner. Before deciding on a place to eat, we explored the local shops and bought a few postcards to send out to our family in California.

We ended up at a place called Lava Lounge which had delicious food and not to mention one of the best smoothies I have ever had. The lounge had nice seating that looked out onto the street and an artisan was crafting at the enterance for entertainment. The menu was very extensive and a relief after having too many buffet-style meals (see the menu here). I ordered a Santa Fe wrap and a strawberry banana smoothie which were both very filling. I am a dog lover and the lounge had various advertisements about the importance of adopting or volunteering at shelters which made my heart happy. You could even buy a digital food item and the proceeds would go to the dogs.

Walking back to the hotel was a little sketchier considering there were limited sidewalks and it was dark outside, but it was totally worth the yummy meal. The Magic Mountain hotel had a great view of the volcano (when it wasn’t cloudy), a pool, and very comfortable rooms with air conditioning. The WiFi, however, did not work very well and we were only a few steps away from the lobby which was a little frustrating.

CAÑO NERO HOT SPRINGS: RIO FRIO

We departed the hotel at 8:00 after eating breakfast and drove north until we reached the Rio Frio river. We stopped at a small restaurant and then we proceeded to take a short walk to the river where we boarded a boat. We saw so many fascinating animals from monkeys to lizards. We travelled so far north that we were able to cross the border of Nicaragua!

The boat cruise was only an hour long, but afterwards I was known as the “camera lady” because of my massive lens and how I ran around the boat trying to get as many photos as possible – I was definitely in my element.

After our tour we ate lunch at the restaurant we parked at and then headed back to the hotel. Miraculously, on our way there Chega, our bus driver, spotted a three-toed sloth and a two-toed sloth in the same tree! We pulled over and took a look at the sloths which was very rare to see.

Our next destination was the Baldi Hot Springs which was not exactly as natural as I expected. We were given the option to opt out of this activity, but my dad and I wanted to fill our day. I was expecting a few pools that were completely natural and warmed by the volcano, but I was surprised to find more of a man-made waterpark. There were bars, food, lounge chairs, slides, and lockers for your belongings. Rather than the sanctuary I was thinking of, it was more comparible to a waterpark.

The food and drinks were incredibly expensive (one smoothie was $16) which was disappointing. On the positive side the water was incredibly relaxing and there were separate pools with different temperatures including a cool-down zone.

Because of my initial expectations I was disappointed with the hot springs, but it was nice to sit down and relax in some warm water after a busy day.

HANGING BRIDGES: ARENAL We had a very early morning and woke up at 5:45 a.m. and had breakfast at the hotel at 6:00. Our next destination was the Mistico Arenal Hanging Bridges Park, and to my surprise I had actually been to this park on my last trip! During this trip we were able to see some monkeys, but we didn’t see much other wildlife. The hanging bridges were so cool and the sounds of the forest surrounded us at all times. The walk was around 3.2km, but there was also a shorter version (1.9km) for individuals who didn’t want to walk as far.

Near the end of the walk is a natural waterfall that serves as a great photo spot. Additionally, the entrance of the park has a perfect view of the Arenal volcano, and I was able to recreate a picture from my last trip!

I love the hanging bridges because you become one with nature, and there were barely any crowds so it was incredibly peaceful. After our walk we went headed to our next hotel and stopped for lunch and at another souvenir shop in order to break up the drive (we spent most of the day driving). We even drove by the hotel that I stayed at during my last trip (a.k.a. my favorite place in the world).

^^^Hotel Los Héroes – Read more about my last Costa Rica trip here.

We eventually arrived at the Marriott Resort just in time for sunset. After settling into our rooms, we walked down to the ocean (the resort is located on the beach) and took some amazing pictures of the landscape.

JW MARRIOTT BEACH RESORT: GUANACASTE

We had the entire day dedicated to this resort, so we got to wake up whenever we wanted. In an effort to not waste the day away sleeping, we woke up at 8:30 and got breakfast. There was a separate restaurant just for our tour and we had access to it during a certain time frame. When I walked into the buffet, my jaw DROPPED. I have never seen so many pastries, fruits, cereals, eggs, and more in one place. I quickly filled my plate and as much as I wanted to go back for seconds, I was way too full.

We had the entire day to ourselves, so we decided to go for a hike located on the hotel’s grounds. We didn’t see anyone else during the hike, so it was just us and the birds. I got to take pictures of some beautiful birds, but I saw even more wildlife. While we were walking we were shocked to hear some movement above us, and we looked up to see a pack of howler monkeys! They were so calm and didn’t move for quite some time so we were able to observe them closely. One of the monkeys was carrying a baby and I was able to take one of my all-time favorite photos.

After our hike we decided to cool off at the hotel’s infinity pool which overlooked the ocean. I ordered a strawberry banana smoothie (they became my obsession on this trip) and took some time to relax under the sun. After swimming in the pool, we told ourselves we had to jump into the ocean ( I didn’t get to on my last trip), so we ran into the waves for a surprisingly very refreshing swim. The water was a perfect temperature and the sand was so smooth – the best swimming conditions in my opinion.

While we were on the way to the hotel, Martha mentioned that there were horses only a short distance from the entrance so we decided to go pay them a visit. Our timing was impeccable as the sun was setting, so a beautiful, golden light backlit all of the horses. They came right up to the fence and let us pet them, and one even started to eat my dad’s shirt (it was very amusing). We spent a lot of time with them until it was dark and then we decided to grab dinner and hit the hay.

Our entire group basically had to be pulled away from this resort because between the food and the amenities it was the best hotel we had been at so far.

BIRD WATCHING CRUISE: TARCOLES RIVER We woke up at 5:50 a.m. and grabbed our last, best breakfast. My dad and I “stole” extra bananas and apples from the buffet and ran to the horses with the spare time we had before we boarded the bus. We fed the horses both apples and bananas (they preferred the apples) which made for a pretty magical morning.

We sadly departed from the Marriott and headed to Tarcoles River, but on the way we stopped at a small, Monteverde restaurant for restrooms and ice cream (yes, I ate ice cream before lunch – it was delicious and only $2). We continued on the road again and stopped at a different restaurant for a buffet-style lunch. We had the choice between steak and chicken with some rice and a few other sides. The restaurant was completely open-concept with a cool breeze coming in on all sides. We even saw some iguanas crawling around outside!

We continued to drive to the river, and when we got there, a boat was waiting for us. This river is known for its crocodiles, so don’t fall overboard! On the cruise we saw birds, iguanas, crocodiles, and more. The directors of the boat tour were able to identify the crocodiles by name based on what they looked like and where they were hanging out which was pretty neat.

The boat tour flew by (it was around an hour long) and we headed out for our next hotel once again. Hotel San Bada had a stunning rooftop view of Manuel Antionio National Park on one side, and the sunset on the beach on the other.

When we arrived we enjoyed another buffet-style dinner and then we went to the roof for “cocktail hour” and the sunset. I brought my camera and managed to see some Squirrel Monkeys climbing through the trees which was so cool because they are difficult to find!

The sunset was absolutely breathtaking and it was paired with some people who were parasailing which made the photos even more exciting.

Before our big day in Manuel Antonio National Park, our Caravan group watched a short video about the history of the park and learned about the trails that we could take. We were told to bring hiking shoes, a change of clothes, a towel, and a bathing suit in order to be able to do everything at the park. Martha said we could sleep in until whenever, but if you want the best experience of the park, you should go right when it opens at 7:00 a.m.

MANUEL ANTONIO NATIONAL PARK We woke up at 6:00 a.m. and ate breakfast at the hotel. We found our group at the entrance of the hotel which is conveniently located a few steps away from the park’s entrance. We chose to take the long route through the park with lots of stairs and lookout spots (I would say this hike was difficult, but an 80 year old woman with our group did it with no problems). During our hike we saw monkeys, agouti, sloths, and some birds. There was a group of Capuchin monkeys that came right up to us (they were so close that I couldn’t even take photos with my lens). In hopes of finding more birds (specifically toucans because they are my favorite), we climbed a lookout tower, but we had no luck.

After our hike we took a quick dip in the water which was a perfect temperature! The park filled up quickly and it seemed like most people went for the water and not for the hikes.

We left the park at 11:30 a.m. to grab lunch at the hotel, and said goodbye to our Caravan group as we were beginning our individual trip. I was the youngest one on the trip and the tour was definitely more orientated for an older crowd, but we made some memories with a lot of the people on the trip so it was a heartwarming goodbye.

INDIVIDUAL EXCURSION

We stayed at San Bada for a little longer to plan out our day on our own, and at 1:00 we taxied to our next hotel which was only around 15 minutes away. Peace of Paradise was a very cute apartment-style hotel which had a balcony with a sliding screen door.

We later found out why the door was sliding – monkeys had figured out how to open regular push/pull doors and had raided the kitchens for food! I went to take a nap, but I was incredibly surprised when my dad opened my door and told me there were monkeys at the door. I completely thought he was joking, so I dismissed it until he told me to grab my camera (then I knew it was real). I sprung out of bed to find a group of monkeys raiding the neighbors house for sandwiches and eggs. They were so close I was able to use my phone to take photos, and their visit was definitely a highlight of my trip.

After that excitement, we decided to explore the town so we went to a grocery store and picked up some snacks for the next few days. At 6:30 p.m. we decided to find a place for dinner and walked through town to see what our options were. We ended up at Victoria’s – a gourmet Italian place which had absolutely delicious food. I got fettuccine alfredo with chicken and I wish that I could have finished it it was so good. The customer service was the best we’ve ever had, and we were waited on by several people. One waiter, Manny, is a photographer and showed us his photos and shared his Instagram with us – I still follow him! We had a lovely evening at the restaurant and I highly recommend it to anyone in the Manuel Antonio area.

DAY 1: TRAVELING TO DRAKE BAY We woke up at 6:15 a.m. and packed up to leave Peace of Paradise, and one of the employees asked to take our photo in front of the sign for the hotel (they do this for every guest and compile the images on Facebook).

We spent most of the day traveling from Manuel Antonio to the Osa Peninsula where we would be staying in Drake Bay for three nights. We took a small van from the San Bada hotel to Sierpe which was a scenic two-hour ride with palm trees lining both sides of the street.

We arrived at a small restaurant that sits right where the boats to Drake Bay depart and spent two hours there waiting for our boat to be ready. I had some scrambled eggs and a strawberry banana smoothie (what else is new) and worked on some photo editing to kill some time (there was stable WiFi).

Eventually, we loaded the boats which were very crowded (around 30 people), and we had to put our lifejackets on (all of the luggage was stored in the cabin of the boat). The first half of the boat ride was very calm, but it became pretty bumpy when we reached the ocean. In order to dismount the boat, you had to get out into knee-high water and walk to shore because the boats could not go all the way so make sure to wear some sandals. The crew will take care of your luggage for you and will carry it over their heads to shore.

Hotel employees of Cabinas Murillo, the hotel we were planning to stay in, met us on the beach and carried our luggage to a pick up truck. We got inside the truck and they drove us a quick two-minute ride to the hotel. Almost immediately you could feel the heat difference on the Osa Peninsula. Unfortunately this hotel had no A/C (although it had two fans), so the heat easily made its way inside the room. The only way I could cool off was by sitting completely still or taking a cold shower. Sure, the hotel itself wasn’t 5 stars, but the view from our balcony was breathtaking and the price was very affordable. We spent some time cooling down by sitting on our balcony watching birds of all different colors and sizes fly around us. We decided to stay in Drake Bay for a few days because of our love for birding (specifically bird photography in my case), and the Osa Peninsula is renouned for its unique birds.

After finally cooling down, we grabbed lunch at a local place where I got a piece of pizza (I missed pizza) and yet another smoothie. The town in Drake Bay is incredibly cozy, small, and you will see a lot of locals. There are two markets in town that have any food you’ll need during your stay, serveral restaurants, a church, and some tourist-y stores. For dinner we went to a place called La Choza which had some of the best shrimp and rice we have ever eaten. We ended up having this almost every single night for dinner while in Drake Bay because of how delicious it was. The restaurant was always very busy and was a popular destination for many locals.

DAY 2: EXPLORING DRAKE BAY Because our sleep schedules were trained for early mornings we ended up waking up at 6:30 a.m. and grabbed breakfast at one of the local restaurants. I can’t remember the name of the restaurant, but I remember that they had a variety of pastries and a complete breakfast menu. We walked through the town and down to the beach where we ran into some four – legged friends who followed us on our walk through the bay.

We booked a birding tour online the day before (we didn’t exactly expect a response as most people book tours months in advance) and hadn’t heard anything from the company, so we spent some time looking to get in contact with the tour guide. After about an hour of searching, we recieved a phone call that we could do the tour the next day instead. If you are looking to do any type of activity or tour, I would recommend booking in advance to ensure that you’ll have a spot.

With our new free time, we walked some more through the bay (it’s very small), spent time scouting some birds from our balcony, and got ready for an early morning.

DAY 3: BIRDING TOUR

We woke up at 5:00 a.m. (our earliest morning yet) and got ready for our tour with Drake Bay Birdwatching. We packed binoculars, camera gear, water, and a change of shoes. Walter, our tour guide, picked us up at 6:10 a.m. and he explained that we would make a few different stops to see the most diversity.

Our first stop was at an open field lined by trees where we saw hummingbirds, chachalachas, and more. We spent around an hour at the field and even heard some rare birds as well. Walter was incredibly educated on the subject and got so excited when he saw a bird that it made you very excited too. His passion was clear and he was dedicated to helping me get the photos I envisioned.

Our next photo spot was Los Planes which is part of Corcovado National Park, but is more quiet and remote. While we were hiking through Los Planes, we did not see anyone else. In the forest we saw a variety of wildlife including lizards, insects, racers, monkeys, and of course – birds. We trekked through the forest for around 2 hours and stopped at several spots along the way when we heard bird calls or when we saw something moving. There was even a (very rare) chance that we could encounter a jaguar which was exciting and chilling.

After carrying around a 7-pound camera around in the humid forest, I felt a little lightheaded; it could also be the fact that I didn’t eat anything before our tour. Make sure you either eat before a long day of hiking, or you bring a snack along the way to avoid any overexhaustion.

Walter provided us with a snack of watermelon, bananas, and lemonade after Los Planes which were all very fresh. We made a quick stop on our way back to drake bay center to try and see a king vulture, and we did! You couldn’t see it with a bare eye and my 600mm lens barely picked it up, but I managed to get the photo below.

Walter drove us to a restaurant located right near our hotel where we had a scrumptious lunch (appetizers too) that were all included with the tour. Walter offered to drive us back to the hotel, but we opted to walk instead. I was exhausted by the time the tour was done and I ended up napping for a few hours before we grabbed dinner at La Choza again. I would recommend this tour to anyone who is patient and has a passion for wildlife, and if you can have Walter as your guide, his excitement, talent for spotting the wildlife, and his overall knowledge made the tour great. A few weeks after our tour Walter sent us a copy of all of the birds that we observed (heard and saw) during our trip (see photo below).

DAY 4: TRAVELING TO SAN JOSÉ

We woke up at 6:30 a.m. to catch our boat ride back to Sierpe, and from there we took a taxi to Adobe Car Rental in Uvita. We had to stop at a bank on the way because we ran out of colones in Drake Bay because there are no ATMs (make sure you load up on cash before you go to the bay!).

We were a few hours early for our rental car, so we ate brunch at Marino Ballena which was located across the street. I easily spent a lot of time at this restaurant because of the great food, customer service, and WiFi. The owner was from New Jersey and was very friendly and even provided me with the WiFi information (which was a blessing after not having it for a few days). I ate the “American breakfast” with some orange juice which hit the spot! Our car was ready at 12:30 p.m. (a little early!) so we were able to head out to our next hotel. The car ride to the hotel had some great views of the central valley.

Marriott Courtyard in Alajuela was kind of luxurious compared to Cabinas Murillo (but hey – you get what you pay for!). It was nice to finally have a night with A/C tucked under the covers.

DAY 5: HEADING HOME After two, long weeks away from home we were both ready to travel back to Massachusetts (home sweet home). We woke up at 8:00 a.m. and had a very relaxing morning at the Marriott. We went downstairs for breakfast and similar to the JW Marriott in Guanacaste, the buffet was full of scrumptious choices. We had some time to kill before our flight, so we visited the Botanical Orchid Garden in Alajuela for one last adventure.

The garden was unfortunately underwhelming, but it may have been the time of year we went. There were some birds on display, a pretty pond, a unique bamboo trail, and greenhouses full of different types of vegetation. We spent some time taking some photos at the garden and listening to the thundering of massive bamboo hitting each other in the wind before we went on our way to the car rental place to drop off our car.

We got a ride to the airport from the car rental place and we began the journey home. We took two connecting flights to Boston from San José and after a day of travel we got home at 2 a.m..

AN UNFORGETTABLE EXPERIENCE

I know I haven’t travelled much yet, but my experiences in Costa Rica have been some that I wouldn’t change for anything, and this magical place will hold a special place in my heart forever. I’ve seen a lot of Costa Rica, but I haven’t seen it all, so I want to go back and finish my journey one day. The wildlife, people, and landscapes, are all reasons to visit this country. In Costa Rica, I was able to exercise all of my passions, expand my appreciation for nature, and try things outside of my comfort zone (leaving home for two-weeks was certainly a start).

Trust me, you are going to want to visit this stunning country in order to discover the laid-back nature of living with Pura Vida (Pure Life).

#costarica #caravantour #birding #photography #blogging #travel #travelreview #review

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thecourtreportersportedjorts · 6 years

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Top 10 Best Hit Songs of 2017

In December of each year, Billboard publishes its list of the 100 biggest hit songs of the last 12 months. In response, I take it upon myself to decide which of these songs were the real hits, and which were the biggest misses. Last week, I tackled the worst, so here are the best. Let’s get started:

10. “Love Galore” by SZA feat. Travis Scott

When I see a fellow New Jersey artist rising up the charts and building a name for themselves, I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a little too quick to douse them in praise. In 2015, I did it for Fetty Wap and Charlie Puth before they respectively waned in relevance and proceeded to pump out some of the decade’s worst music. SZA grew up mere minutes away from me, and after a few years just shy of the spotlight, she finally released her critically beloved debut album Ctrl in June. I took a few months to finally get to it, but once I listened to it, I found a beautifully produced, unflinchingly sincere record that delves into the nuances of youth, romance, mental health, and the various ways they intersect.

I wouldn’t even consider “Love Galore” an immediate highlight from the record, and yet it’s still an excellent song. I do have to take a point off for Travis Scott rambling about “ass and titties” in his verse, a needlessly juvenile moment in what’s otherwise a great slice of left-of-center-but-still-grown-and-sexy R&B. Still, his verse is fine altogether, and he sounds right at home over ThankGod4Cody’s production, which is built on off-kilter, reverb-soaked percussion and analog synths that aren’t too far removed from the Stranger Things score.

This is all well and good, but SZA steals the show all on her own, exploring the complications of reconvening with a former fling. There’s a core of darkness to the lyrics, making passing references to Valium and fetishes as she zeroes in on her partner’s seeming infidelity, but she can nevertheless enjoy the situation as “long as [they] got love.” And in a year chock full of godawful vocals excused for their “authenticity,” it’s so refreshing to hear a singer in the mainstream who sounds both organic and skilled. While I may not like this quite as much as “The Weekend” or “Drew Barrymore” or “20 Something,” it’s no less worth your time.

9. “Passionfruit” by Drake

It’s easy for me to start this entry the same way I did for “Too Good” last year, addressing how “Passionfruit” was a diamond in the relative rough of the lopsided More Life “playlist.” While there is some truth to that assessment, More Life is still a noticeable improvement over last year’s uncomfortable, overhyped VIEWS. Sure, it’s still questionable to hear Drizzy put on another new accent (I’d personally like to hear him attempt a Russian accent), but his curation of global sounds is sharper and more generous than ever, and with the exception of truly annoying cuts like “Nothings Into Somethings,” the lyrics are a lot less patronizing this time around. Despite this net positive, it still remains that “Passionfruit” is easily More Life’s best offering, and perhaps Drake’s best single since “Hold On, We’re Going Home.”

For one, “Passionfruit” is built on the same sort of subdued, late-night disco groove that made “Hold On” an instant classic. But the song goes for a stark contrast from the 2013 smash’s optimistic hookup, which is mirrored by the somber minor chords, gorgeous, muted synths, and what is apparently the manipulated sound of a flute. With the tempos of his songs seemingly dropping by the year, it’s good to hear Drake over something with a more propulsive groove again, and yet it still manages to mesh with his trademark atmospherics.

Of course, the lyrical content will always be the most contentious part of any Drake song, and it’s understandable to read “Passionfruit” as yet another retread of “Hotline Bling.” But where that song may have precariously toed the line between genuine concern and alarming possessiveness, the lyrics land a lot more comfortably this time. Even a lyric like “you got issues that I won’t mention” works far better as he seems to finally understand the consequences behind his words and his actions. The end result is Drake at his finest, low-key and calm while still navigating through the most challenging of emotions.

8. “Castle on the Hill” by Ed Sheeran

Now I know this pick will likely come as a surprise to anyone who saw my previous list, where I gave Ed Sheeran the thorough bashing he deserved. I ragged on him for his appearance, his awkward lyricism and his uninspired compositions. I’m sick of the guy at this point, but that’s because I genuinely want to like him. Ed has always shown a genuine talent for crafting songs with memorable hooks and interesting concepts, so doling out plodding love ballads like “Photograph” and cringeworthy radio ploys like “Shape of You” feels like the biggest possible waste of potential. So as tired as I am of hearing songs like these in 2017, “Castle on the Hill” was good enough to remind me why I cared in the first place.

If I could sum up the sound of “Castle on the Hill” in one sentence, it’d be that it sounds like what that mediocre last Mumford and Sons album wanted to be. Built on an insistent drum groove, warm bass, ghostly organs and guitar strumming that hurts my wrist just listening to it, the verses build up to a triumphant chorus indebted to Springsteen and U2. This is one of Sheeran’s more directly rock-flavored endeavors, so his aggressive howls on the chorus sound a lot better here than on “Thinking Out Loud,” and even his falsetto sounds more vivacious than usual.

And in the midst of an album cycle dominated by anonymous songs about sex and TV montage fodder that even Queen B couldn’t salvage, “Castle on the Hill” is the only (good) single that showcases Sheeran’s distinctive songwriting flair. It’s essentially a song about growing up, but where Lukas Graham got it all wrong, this song gets it right. Like on “7 Years,” Ed recounts his younger, troublesome self, running from authority and drinking with his friends. The difference is that he learns from his mistakes, thanks to the people and the town he was sought to defy in the first place. It’s the kind of vivid songwriting that Sheeran excels at, and if he keeps at it (which is a real possibility), he might very well regain a lost fan.

7. “HUMBLE.” by Kendrick Lamar / “LOYALTY.” by Kendrick Lamar feat. Rihanna

As I stated in my previous list, it’s been really interesting to see what the Billboard charts look like with streaming becoming a bigger part of the equation. I already addressed how album tracks can perform just as well as lower-tier singles. Kendrick Lamar’s excellent fourth album DAMN. boasts the best first week streaming numbers of any album released in 2017, and as a result, multiple cuts from the album remained on the charts for weeks on end. “ELEMENT.” and current single “LOVE.” charted high enough that if they had received the proper push as singles, I would probably be talking about them alongside the two singles that actually made the year end Hot 100, chart-topping “HUMBLE.” and the Rihanna collaboration “LOYALTY.”

“HUMBLE.” was the first proper taste of DAMN., which admittedly took some time to grow on me. Sure, the blisteringly sparse, piano-driven beat by Mike Will Made It commands direct attention to Kendrick’s coded, throne-claiming bars, but it’s a far cry from the rich history and experimentation that made To Pimp a Butterfly an all-time great rap album. Still, it’s important to remember that Kendrick - at least when he’s trying - infuses his songs with some really heady subtext. It’s easy to interpret this as K-Dot proving that he can do trap just as well as Future or Migos, if not better thanks to his skillful lyricism. In the context of DAMN., it’s also a warning from the Compton rapper to himself to not let his remarkable success eclipse his message or his roots. Coupled with an instantly memorable hook and quotables like “my left stroke just went viral,” “HUMBLE.” is a well-deserved first #1 for Kendrick.

Like its predecessor, followup single “LOYALTY.” is fairly skeletal in its production, based around a warped sample of “24K Magic” (of all things!). This time, Kendrick teams up with Rihanna, who continues to prove that she can come through with an impressive flow after “Bitch Better Have My Money” and “Needed Me.” The pair explore loyalty in regards to one’s friendships, relationships, faith and ambitions, creatively quoting Jay-Z and Ol’ Dirty Bastard in the process. While the lyrical content is certainly worthwhile, the main takeaway is that Kendrick and Rihanna have truly fantastic musical chemistry, which becomes all the more apparent when they trade bars during the verses. Like “HUMBLE.,” this track is further evidence that even with sights set squarely on the mainstream, Kendrick always aims high.

6. “Bodak Yellow” by Cardi B

When compiling these lists, it’s easy to get wrapped up in the critical acclaim or the social value a song might have. This works both ways - maybe this is what influenced me to place “7 Years” and “Treat You Better” as high I did on my worst list last year. But when Cardi B’s breakout single “Bodak Yellow” became the first single from a solo female rapper to top the Billboard Hot 100 since Lauryn Hill in 1998, I immediately wondered: is it a worthy successor? Considering how many critical outlets have named “Bodak Yellow” one of the best songs of the year (including Pitchfork and The Washington Post, who both named it the best song of the year), a lot of people seem to think so. And even though I wasn’t totally sold on the song at first, I’m now more than happy to join that chorus, because this song is fucking awesome.

In one of her legendary interviews, Cardi has stated that the title “Bodak Yellow” is a reference to rapper and awful human being Kodak Black, whose flow on “No Flockin” serves as the foundation for Cardi’s song. Unsurprisingly, she does an infinitely better job with his flow, not only because she doesn’t sound like she’s having an asthma attack, but because she also delivers each bar with such boundless energy. Unlike Kodak, she also knows when to switch up her flow, capping off both verses with an impressive, Migos-esque (!) flow. A lot of hip hop traditionalists might deride “Bodak Yellow” for a lack of originality, but it’s not about who did it first, it’s about who did it right.

Even the production on “Bodak Yellow” stands out from the trap pack. Sure, it’s built on a simplistic 3-note melody, but it alternates between octaves, creating an alluring sense of unease against the changing hi-hat progressions. But what really surprises is how restrained the song first seems in its low end, using the trademark sub bass kicks fairly conservatively. It gives you the impression that it’s building up to something, and then it happens: as Cardi speeds up her flow, the kicks return in full force, resulting in one of the hardest-hitting moments rap had to offer in 2017. In a year where women deserved so much better, Cardi B is a true force of good, proving that she can go harder than so many of her male contemporaries.

5. “I Feel It Coming” by The Weeknd feat. Daft Punk

If you’ve read any of my lists in the past two years, you probably felt this coming (pun very obviously intended). I’ve raved about The Weeknd so much since then that writing a fifth (sixth if you include “The Hills” from my honorable mentions in 2015) entry about him probably scans as blind fandom or ass-kissing. Truth be told, his 2013 major label debut Kiss Land hasn’t exactly aged well, and Starboy was an overlong, frequently redundant affair with occasional flashes of innovation. But the latter album’s closing track, “I Feel It Coming,” feels like a major change of pace, and perhaps a premonition of The Weeknd’s future.

Like the previous single, the chart-topping title track from Starboy, “I Feel It Coming” is yet another collaboration with famed French house duo. While “Starboy” sounded a lot like the duo’s own “Doin’ It Right,” a collab with Animal Collective’s Panda Bear and a notable outlier on Random Access Memories, this song is more akin to the warm, nostalgic disco that dominated the rest of that album. Hell, the robots even use their trademark vocoders on their own voices this time! As unstoppable as the groove of “Can’t Feel My Face” is to this day, never has Abel sung over something that sounded so happy.

Fortunately, he seems up to the challenge of matching this energy. Normally, The Weeknd albums end on a dour note - even the bombastic “Angel” was profoundly melancholic. In one of his most effortless vocal performances to date, Abel shows that he is finally ready to commit to a serious relationship. And while the potent sexuality is still right there in the goddamn title, it comes across as a moment of real, unadulterated joy rather than simply going through the motions of tour life. The Weeknd has proven time and time again that he can switch up his sound and still come through with smash hits, and if “I Feel It Coming” is any indication, that’s not changing any time soon.

4. “Redbone” by Childish Gambino

Holy shit, have I been waiting for this. I’m not necessarily talking about “Redbone,” Childish Gambino’s greatest success to date, but rather that success in and of itself. Like so many people, I discovered Donald Glover’s hip hop project after enjoying him as Troy in NBC’s Community, one of my all-time favorite TV shows. But despite his knack for solid hooks, colorful instrumentals and outright hilarious bars, it always felt like he was close to breaking into the mainstream without ever getting there. Maybe it was the polarized critical response to Camp or the obtuse production of Because the Internet, but it was only with last year’s funk departure “Awaken, My Love!” that his music clicked more universally.

“Redbone” wasn’t that album’s lead single, but it was by far its most successful, charting for nearly a whole year and peaking just outside Billboard’s Top 10. Arguably, it’s the weirdest hit song we’ve had this year: weird enough that it spawned one of the year’s more creative memes. As a whole, the song maintains a rare balance of paranoia and sensuality, the former of which is felt instantly with the intro’s distant strings and gently thumping kicks. But any sense of dread is mitigated by the slap bass, glockenspiel and the generally lush atmosphere. With perhaps the exception of SZA, mainstream R&B in 2017 hasn’t sounded this organic and alluring, even with the inclusion of the crunchy guitar leads or the muted, creepy-as-fuck background vocals in the intro.

Amidst all the window-dressing, this is still undoubtedly Donald Glover’s song, and his vocal and lyrical contributions capture the same balance just as exquisitely. Many have pointed out that he doesn’t even sound much like himself on “Redbone,” rather emulating Macy Gray’s trademark rasp. Despite the obvious point of influence, it’s still one of the many vocal performances on “Awaken, My Love!” that oozes with color and personality. It doesn’t distract from the unsettling lyrics, though, which double down on Gambino’s oft-critiqued insecurities about relationships and racial identity, but through a more mature and knowing lens, with a chilling mantra of “stay woke.”

And while it didn’t have an impact on its placement on this list, the particular case of the song’s success is worth celebrating. “Redbone” first charted out of anticipation for the album, but it returned to the hit parade thanks to its masterful use in Jordan Peele’s excellent film Get Out. Then came the memes, where the song was sung by various characters and played from a range of different spaces. It had a distinctive sound that somehow suited it to both uses, thus making it Glover’s highest charting song. This is the rare case where a great song isn’t rejected for its idiosyncrasies, but instead rightfully embraced.

3. “Slide” by Calvin Harris feat. Frank Ocean and Migos

But then again, Childish Gambino wasn’t the only one finding long-overdue chart success this year. Obviously, I’m not referring to Calvin Harris or Migos - the former has been pumping out hits since the turn of the decade to diminishing returns, and the latter had a banner year in 2017, with their very good single “Bad and Boujee” topping the Hot 100 for three weeks. “Slide” was partially Frank Ocean’s affair, too. After last year’s excellent, understated Blonde seemingly rebuked any desire for conventional pop stardom, the R&B crooner and former Odd Future affiliate proved that he can still write a fantastic pop song that can stick with just about anyone.

What’s particularly interesting about Frank’s contributions to “Slide” is that they aren’t even far removed from the music on Blonde. He still favors a more low-key vocal delivery, and he still manages to draw compelling character portraits in his lyrics. This time, it’s about a one-night stand where the protagonist isn’t so much interested in the sex itself, but vicariously living their partner’s more opulent lifestyle, referencing jewelery and Picasso’s famous Garçon à la pipe painting. But there’s still an underlying feeling of emptiness, exemplified in the line “wrist on a wrist, a link of charms, yeah / laying, we’re still a link apart.”

Complicated emotional situations have always been a characteristic of Ocean’s lyricism, for which he sets the scene with details that frequently read as non-sequiturs. But what makes “Slide” particularly interesting is how everybody else around him is up to the same task. Quavo and Offset of Migos appear for two insanely catchy and energetic verses, but the content feels peripheral to the established theme of the song. But these guys are part of one of the most in-demand rap acts of the year, so for Frank’s character to be rubbing shoulders with them does more to establish the scene. “Slide” is also further evidence of Offset’s skillful, malleable flow, and if his recent joint album with 21 Savage is any indication, he has great potential as a solo artist.

But what about Calvin Harris, the main artist responsible for this song? “Slide” was the lead single for his excellent album Funk Wav Bounces Vol. 1, and served as a dramatic departure from the more conventional EDM he’d been producing for years. Sure, singles like “This Is What You Came For” and “How Deep Is Your Love” flirted with organic instrumentation and classic dance grooves, but the shimmering keys, palm-muted funk guitars, and the irresistible bassline add up to one of his best tracks to date. It’s a perfect summer song that provides an opulent backdrop for Frank and Migos, and it still sounds fantastic in the dead of winter.

2. “DNA.” by Kendrick Lamar

Don’t think I forgot about this one. Over the course of this year’s lists, I’ve already gone on multiple times about the impact of streaming on the year-end charts. All of this is especially true when it comes to “DNA.,” the first full track from DAMN. Despite receiving an incredible music video starring Don Cheadle, it was never released as a single. And considering the aggression on display, as well as the lack of a real hook, why would it be? Nevertheless, thanks to Kendrick Lamar’s staggering popularity on streaming services, it landed a respectable spot midway on the year-end Hot 100. It’s another landmark worth discussing, but more importantly, “DNA.” is just a goddamn incredible song.

Rather than just dissecting the individual components of the song, I’m going to do my best to explain “DNA.” in a more linear fashion. Kendrick breaks through the gate in full-force, once again accompanied by Mike Will’s hard-hitting blend of trap drums, warped synths and ominous guitar loops. The first half of the song can be boiled down to K-Dot asserting that he was born for his current status as a rap god, even comparing his own birth to the immaculate conception. He recalls all his struggles growing up, living in the projects of Compton and encountering all the “murder, conviction, burners, booster, burglars, ballers,” etc. the city had to offer, crossing everything off as effortlessly as one would do for a shopping list.

Then, “DNA.” nears its two-minute mark. After a dazzling extended verse packed with personal detail, a sample of sleazy Fox-News-correspondent-cum-sexual-harrasser Geraldo Rivera actively dismisses Kendrick’s self-justification. He claims that Kendrick exemplifies everything wrong with young black culture in an unabashed show of victim-blaming. Then another sample comes in: the countdown from Freedom 7’s takeoff in 1961. As this happens, Kendrick speeds up his flow, and the beat changes, leading into what might be one of the greatest musical moments of the decade.

At this point, the production becomes even more sparse and dissonant, built mainly on a Rick James sample and the thickest, most face-melting sub bass imaginable. K-Dot offers an intense, well-deserved rebuttal to the thinly-veiled bullshit his critics ever-so-gleefully dole out. He knows that his success was earned through blood, sweat and tears, not “sex, money, murder,” and proceeds to “[curve] all the fakes” and others who seek to undermine him or his message. In an age where Donald Trump and the GOP have been nearly given carte blanche to oppress whoever the hell they want on any given day, it’s so cathartic to hear some resistance to their rhetoric in our popular music, especially when it’s this stunningly well-crafted.

And, just like last time, before I unveil my pick for the best hit song of 2017, here are eight honorable mentions:

“XO Tour Llif3″ by Lil Uzi Vert: “XO Tour Llif3” marks the first time Uzi’s music truly connected with me, capturing both the hedonism and the mental trauma he experienced while on tour with The Weeknd atop a fittingly off-kilter beat. His vocals are among the most impassioned I’ve heard all year, making the decision to nudge this off the list in favor of SZA a particularly tough one.

“1-800-273-8255″ by Logic feat. Alessia Cara and Khalid: Speaking of mental trauma, Logic’s breakout hit exists to lend a hand to those dealing with suicidal feelings. It sees the rapper and guest Alessia Cara acting respectively as a caller and a receptionist for the titular suicide hotline. Top that off with dramatic string swells and Khalid’s potent outro, and you have a song whose impact can’t be undermined, even by the shouts of “who can relate?”

“Sign of the Times” by Harry Styles: This is undoubtedly the best solo single to come out of the 1D camp, a power ballad reminiscent of David Bowie’s best that nails the particular desire to escape that we’ve all felt at some point this year. Cut the runtime by about a minute and you’ve got the perfect template for what mainstream rock should sound like in years to come, rather than whatever commercial filler comes from Imagine Dragons.

“Mask Off” by Future: I wasn’t wild about Future’s decision to release two overlong albums in the span of a week, but both albums had their highlights, and “Mask Off” was one of them. The beautiful “Prison Song” sample is the closest thing to old school hip hop in the mainstream this year, and Future delivers a sticky hook and the sort of secretly personal lyrics that have become his forte.

“Black Beatles” by Rae Sremmurd feat. Gucci Mane: Mike Will Made It hit a stride of excellence between “Formation” and “DNA,” and this song was caught in the middle of that period, boasting a dark, pounding beat topped with alien synths that sounded like little else in the Hot 100. Rae Sremmurd and Gucci Mane don’t really do much different from the norm, but the hook has an insanely catchy melody, and I’ll take anything over “Swang” at this point.

“That’s What I Like” by Bruno Mars: Look, pretty much everybody was hopping onto the trap bandwagon this year, but Bruno Mars made the sound his own by incorporating more organic percussion and a classic soul chord progression. The same goes for the lyrics about “strawberry champagne on ice” and “everything 24 karats.” You know, because the album and its lead single were both called “24K Magic”...

“Love on the Brain” by Rihanna: It’s the final single from Rihanna’s great comeback album Anti, and while I still think “Kiss It Better” should have been a lot bigger than it was, this is a perfectly fine piece of retro soul. 2016 was the end of the Meghan Trainor era, so it was only fitting that we ushered the new year in with what a song of hers might sound like if it were any good.

“Green Light” by Lorde: This didn’t make the year end Hot 100, so by my own arbitrary rules, I can’t formally include it, so I’ll just include it in the honorable mentions out of spite. How the fuck was this not a hit?

And now, for what I consider to be the best hit song of 2017:

1. “Praying” by Kesha

When I wrote my entry on the loathsome waste of space known as Kodak Black, I introduced it by addressing that content doesn’t exist without context. Sure, “Tunnel Vision” is a thoroughly unpleasant listening experience, but what makes it all the more abhorrent is how he lackadaisically prods at the very real allegations against him, all the while taunting those who want to see him lose. While that song is a very unfortunate reminder that rape culture is very much a real thing, it’s at least comforting to see a song from the other side of the spectrum.

Of the few criticisms I’ve seen of Kesha’s triumphant comeback single “Praying,” the only one that comes close to holding any water is if the song would hit nearly as hard if the details of the singer’s abuse at the hands of human shitstain producer Dr. Luke weren’t so well publicized. But for me, a song of this caliber can’t really be performed - let alone written - without this kind of experience. Over somber piano chords, Kesha recounts the feelings of uselessness and trickery she felt under Luke’s wing, only to overcome these feelings and make herself stronger as the haunting mellotron swells behind her. Her message is made all the more stark in the line “I hope you find your peace fallin’ on your knees.”

If this were all “Praying” was, I’d still adore it for its bold sincerity, but what certifies this song as the best of the year is the way the song builds. About halfway through the second verse, Kesha’s voice leaps an octave, and her tone shifts from vulnerable to utterly strident. Gradually, strings, backing vocals, pounding drums and horns enter the fold, giving way to the deeply moving second repeat of the chorus. And then the bridge happens, and after her crushing conclusion that “some things only God can forgive,” she lets out the note heard around the world. Though Kesha’s brand was established on semi-satirical autotune pop, it’s this moment that proves all her detractors horribly wrong in their assertion that she had “no talent.”

And while the high note is remarkable in and of its self, its potency is matched by the very end of the song, where the music fades away. As Kesha delivers her final lines, you can hear her crying as she steps away from the microphone. This moment is one of the rawest concentrations of lived-in emotion I’ve heard in the mainstream in years, and all the more evidence that this is real. Some people might call “Praying” the best Adele song that she never sang, but this is Kesha’s story. Unfortunately, it’s the story of far too many women in our society as well, but as more and more powerful men are being exposed and cancelled for their unacceptable treatment of women, this song couldn’t exist at a better time.

Thank you for reading! I’m considering writing about my favorite albums of the year, so if you’d like to see something like that, please let me know!

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