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14dayswithyou · 20 hours

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Meowdy Saint! ^^ lolol hello hello o/ hope you are doing good!!

So this masterpiece of a game has been invading my mind with ZERO chill lately which directly translated to me coming up with a TON of questions orz I really didn't realize how many I ended up compiling lol

If you don't feel like answering this many please feel absolutely free to ignore this ask or only answer the ones you like the most, the last thing I want is for you to feel overwhelmed! ^^

ALRIGHT LET'S-A GO

-does he know how to give massages? :00

-during day 1, how did Ren come up with a book on the local flora?? It seems like such a random topic to pick when put on the spot without already having a genuine interest in it lmao

(I am not sure if this⬇️ questions falls under character deaths, if it does I really apologize and absolutely feel free to ignore it ^^)

-uuhh I know there is already a lot in this ask(im seriously sorry orz), but I was wondering if we will eventually get an SFW alphabet for Ren/[REDACTED] for the folks who don't care about the nasty 👉👈

-THIS IS THE LAST THING I PROMISE 👹 will there be a guide to get all the endings? I'm not sure if there is one already and in that case I missed it 100%

Also I find it ironic how the fandom is trying to find out every single aspect of Ren/[REDACTED]'s character the same way he must do with angel lmao

ALRIGHT THATS ALL IM SO SORRY FOR ASKING SO MUCH THE REN BRAINROT HOURS ARE SO REAL IM LOSING BRAINCELLS orz Remember to take care of yourself drink water and take breaks!! ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧

(Also sorry if some phrases don't make sense, english isn't my first language as I am 🤌 lolol)

✦゜ANSWERED: Under da cut because this got long >:3

-do Rendacted's memories remain intact when he resets the day or do his wipe too with everyone else's? Also is there an in-universe answer for why he has these glitchy powers or is he just Built Different™? Ren's memories remain intact!! I mean... He remembers each time you get a bad end and sometimes says something different... >:3 There is also an in-universe reason as to why he has his abilities — I won't spoil anything, but his real name (along with River's and one other character) have a reeeeally big tell. But what this tell is is for me to know and you to find out >:3

-if angel made it VERY clear that they would be mad asf and prolly even start hating and leave Ren/[REDACTED] if he were to hurt their friends(or killing people bc this man needs to chill fr), would he listen to them? Bc I know that if he touches Violet, Elanor, Kiara or god forbid Moth I'm personally deleting his kneecaps 🥰 Ren (and by extension [REDACTED]) knows not to harm anyone if he knows you won't like it — and even then — he won't actively show that murderous side of him in the first place. To Angel, Ren is just a timid, normal guy.

-since it seems to me that Ren/[REDACTED] is only kinda meh at cooking I was wondering if he actually made the not burnt pancakes in day 3 or if he had some store bought ones that he passed off as his own lol Ren is actually good at cooking, he's just a bit out of touch since he doesn't normally cook for himself! It's normally microwave meals or takeout for him... ^^; And yes, Ren did burn and burn the pancakes in Day 3 — he was distracted by something on his phone :3

Bonus cut Day 3 content: I took out the scene where Ren started to profusely apologise for burning the pancake because he often had to cook when he was younger. Given the dynamic of his family and the environment he grew up in, Ren didn't have much room to make mistakes ;n; I cut this scene out because I felt bad ksgskd So y'all get to have flustered, happy Ren instead!!

-does he know how to give massages? :00 If that was one of Angel's interests or desires, then sure!! ^^

-during day 1, how did Ren come up with a book on the local flora?? It seems like such a random topic to pick when put on the spot without already having a genuine interest in it lmao Someone else likes flora too, and it sure would be funny if Ren (eventually) starts to mimic certain traits and interests of the person you have the highest affinity/relationship points with in order to make himself look more appealing… >:3c

-if I understood correctly Maple should be Jae's dog right?? Did you have a specific breed or age in mind when creating her? I got curious because in my head she automatically popped up as a young australian shepherd to match with Jae's hyperactive dumbass energy lol❀⸜(˶´ ˘ `˶)⸝❀ It was mentioned in Jae's lore post (I'll link it here once I find it), but Maple is a Labrador! (Leon would be Jae's Australian Shepherd hehe) In my mind, Maple is only 2 or 3 years old, but that wouldn't really fit the official timeframe... ^^; Jae adopted Maple during high school so he wouldn't feel lonely at home, and it's been over 6+ years since then.... hgdshjg

-staying on the dog topic lol, in day 1 when angel gets up from the couch to get Ren the inflatable mattress(iirc) and he follows right behind them i immediately thought he acted like a puppy lmao. So would he mind being called 'puppy' as a pet name? Angel affectionately calls Ren a puppy during the scene in Day 1 where they meet up after work, so that nickname definitely could work!

-from an ask from last year it seems [REDACTED] would ultimately kill angel if there was ultimately not way to enter in their life?? Gotta say I was very taken aback by this, would this still be the case after a year of building more to his character? (Ok I went back to check the ask again but I can't for the life of me find it anymore maybe I dreamt it up idk😭😭 im really sorry if that is the case jdkslajdl) aaa I think you might be mistaking that ask for something else? ;v; [REDACTED] would NEVER harm Angel in any capacity, and they're a very patient person. Even if it took decades for Angel to fall in love with him, they'll wait.

-THIS IS THE LAST THING I PROMISE 👹 will there be a guide to get all the endings? I'm not sure if there is one already and in that case I missed it 100% I've shared a spreadsheet that lists all the available choices, the points you earn from each of them, and the endings you can get — however it's only available on Discord and I don't really want to share it outside of the server and potentially put it in the hands of minors. Sorry!!

Also I find it ironic how the fandom is trying to find out every single aspect of Ren/[REDACTED]'s character the same way he must do with angel lmao Hehe >:3 There's a loooot of lore that won't ever be mentioned in the game (since it doesn't seem fitting/I don't see a reason to), so I'm happy to provide it here!

#💌 — answered.#💖 — 14 days with queue.#to be tagged later #icant-pickthenameiwant

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causenessus · 2 days

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new grounds

part 0.14. FLOWERS . . . 2.18.2024

PLAYING IN THE CAFE . . . was it something i said by mykey

kageyama can’t sleep. it’s the night of the volleyball quarterfinals. she hugged him and now he can’t stop thinking.

things feel like they have finally clicked, and something inside him flutters everytime he thinks about her arms around his neck. but at the same time, a pit of worry is growing inside of him. does she know how he feels about her? how does he feel about her?

he’s never thoroughly thought about it before, she’s been a new experience for him in everyway. she was something that he moreso felt rather than knew. when he saw and thought of her, his feelings went wild and everything inside of him just wanted to offer itself to her. he had never been so emotional about something; volleyball was a passion that riled him up but she was even different from that. she was a person that he found himself constantly seeking out throughout the day.

he hadn’t even fully realized how much he stared at her, or how he sought her out in the crowds during games. she simply just always caught his eye whenever he turned towards the audience where she was sitting and he never looked away.

these were all things he felt. he had never logistically rationalized out how he felt or why he was feeling it, like he normally did with everything. and he found that he wasn’t sure he wanted to try and make sense of his feelings, he just wanted to let them continue guiding him towards her. they had brought him close to her multiple times; they walked home from work together now and he found it easier to talk to her now. he found himself even wanting to make conversation with her, despite how terrifying it always was.

but did she feel the same way?

that was the question that had been plaguing him all night. everything had started to connect after she had hugged him and tsukishima had "debriefed" everything like he always did.

bokuto had known about her plan to hug him, did that mean she had talked about him to others? was that a good thing or a bad thing? why would she put so much effort into doing something for him anyway? what if she was interpreting everything he was doing as a friend? what was he doing to show his interest in her? did he even want to show that he had feelings for her anyway? what if she didn’t return them?

he had beeen staring blankly at his ceiling for what felt like hours, blinking ever so often and shifting on his bed to check the time, scroll around on his phone, and then return back to the ceiling because his thoughts demanded his full attention.

he had just shut off his phone when he heard a buzz and he immediately reached for his phone; this is how it had been ever since he had gotten her phone number, too. something in him was always hopeful that the notification was from her, texting him about something. but as he squinted at the contact name, his hopes dropped a little. it wasn't y/n, it was hinata.

the door chimes and her head perks up immediately, as it has for the past hour every time she hears the ding, hoping it’s him.

this time it's and she’s washed over with simultaneous feelings of relief and anxiety. he’s always had a calming effect on her but it's paired with the worry of rejection today, and she gets a little confused at how exactly she feels.

the anxiety only worsens when he passes by her and says nothing. he doesn’t even glance her way and her heart drops. a voice in her head wants to critique her for once again expecting anything different. perhaps she’s read everything wrong, mistook all his signs for something they’re not. the thought makes it feel as if everything within her wilts and she barely notices a customer in front of her until they clear their throat. she helps them with what they need as he walks out, tying an apron around his waist.

he stares at her, trying to calm his own nerves. talking with hinata helped him feel better but he’d been distracted all of saturday. he’d paid attention to whatever he was working on but he wasn’t always "all there." part of him was always thinking about her, and that part had only taken over more of his mind when he thought about seeing her today. now that he was here, he was worried about what the right thing to say would be. and when would be the best time to say it?

he didn’t want them to be interrupted by any orders, after work as they walked home would most likely be his best bet. but he didn’t trust himself to say anything to her before then. he'd keep to himself for now.

for the next few hours, they barely talked. they worked around each other in silence, passing each other things they might need for the order they were working on and talking to customers more than one another. she glanced at him more times than she was be willing to admit, and sometimes they made eye contact, but he would only give her a grim smile, where his lips pressed into a thin line. she’d always look away first, unsure of what to do.

the night came quickly, and she wasn’t sure where to go from there. there hadn’t been a good opportunity to talk to him today, mainly due to customers and how terrified she felt that he was barely interacting with her. she settled for a slight risk; she’d humiliate herself and ask if he still wanted to walk home with her. if he said yes, she would stop him at some point and bring up the flowers. if he said no, she’d go home and cry. maybe stop in a park and sit on a bench to rethink her life choices first.

she’s cleaning a coffee machine while he’s putting up chairs and she takes a deep breath. he stacks the last chair and starts making his way towards the counter. her chest tightens, knowing this is the only tiny window of opportunity she’ll get to ask him. “hey,” her voice cracks out with the first word and she tries to ignore it, he looks up at her, face slightly more expressive than it’s been all night. he’s intent and focused on whatever she’s about to say next and she forces the next words out of her mouth, “...do you still want to walk home together tonight?” her face is warm and she’s sure she’s bright red by the end of the sentence, waiting for a response.

he blinks first and then answers, “oh, yeah. i thought that was already the plan. i’m grabbing my bag now, do you want me to bring yours too?”

she turns back to the coffee machine, wiping down the steam wand with a rag and letting out a breath to herself, “yeah, sure. thank you.”

now she felt stupid. this whole thing had been the result of miscommunication and overthinking, all on her part again. just like how she’d first felt about him, thinking he hated her and hating him back. but she fell for him despite it all so perhaps this was just how they'd be.

at least he hadn’t been intentionally ignoring her, though, and she felt slightly more hopeful about tonight.

they clocked out together, the silence more bearable this time around and she locked the door behind them.

then they were walking down the sidewalk together, down a path that she’d come to enjoy now that she had company. she tried not to focus on it instead of whatever worst case scenario her brain was trying to come up with.

there was an upcoming bench with a lamppost right next to it, casting a warm light onto the ground. that’d be a good place to talk to him. she tried to ease into the conversation, “i told you that you played well on friday, right?”

his hands were stuffed into his pockets, face slightly obscured by the collar of his jacket as always. he turned his head to look at her, looking slightly surprised. “oh, yeah. you did,” he answered, then immediately averted his eyes.

“well i really meant it, i think you know i’ve been friends with bokuto for years now. yachi, keiji, him and me have been close friends since high school. and us three would always go see his games so i’ve seen a few matches before. but i don’t think i’ve ever seen a setter like you. it’s amazing how you can adapt yourself so well to every spiker. hinata and bo are both such energetic, wild people yet you can always match their pace and read their minds when even they don’t know what they’re doing. it's like you give them the exact set they want and none of you guys ever even say anything to each other,” she smiled up at him, and he sank farther behind the shield of his collar, trying to hide his burning cheeks.

this is what he had been telling hinata. that she just put so much thought into anything she did. anything she was passionate about, anything she paid attention to. his stomach was once again fluttering at her words. he hadn’t even ever told her that much about his volleyball career yet she managed to compliment him on the one thing he felt insecure about. “you really think that? that i match their paces?” he asked, feeling a lump in his throat.

“of course! god, you’re last set to bokuto, first you tricked everyone into thinking you were going to set to hinata and then you perfectly changed your posture to set to bokuto and the ball just went straight into his hands. i don’t think i could have cheered louder.”

even his nose had turned red from how flushed her words made him feel. “i’m honored you think that–” he stopped when he felt a tug on his sleeve turning his entire body to face her. she was still holding onto his jacket, but her face was red and she was looking away. “something wrong?” he asked, looking down at her.

“no. i mean– no. nothing’s wrong. i just wanted to ask you something, if that’s okay,” she stuttered, letting go of his jacket to play with her hands.

he’d been so caught up in their conversation about volleyball he’d nearly stopped thinking about what he wanted to tell her today. his heart was racing and the feeling in his throat only grew stronger as he waited for her to continue.

“did you happen to buy flowers for me at some point? on valentine’s day…or the night you came to my show?” she tucked a stray hair behind her ear as she looked up at him.

he felt so stiff that he nearly couldn’t breathe, nor respond. he almost wanted to deny it before he talked himself out of it. this was his opportunity to bring up what he wanted to say as well. “...i did. those were both from me. i’m really sorry if you found that creepy or anything–”

she cut him off with a hug, arms wrapped around his neck, and his body seemed to relax at the same time as she let out a shaky breath, her face buried into his jacket. “oh my god, no. it wasn’t creepy at all. it meant so much to me,” this time he was fast enough to return the hug, her arms around her torso to keep her in his arms and express to her all the things he couldn’t verbally say. one of her arms moved to hold him close by the back of his head, and he rested his chin on her shoulder. “i’ve never gotten flowers from anyone other than my friends–just bokuto, yachi and keiji. i never even got any from my family when they were around. when bokuto told me those flowers on closing night were from someone else, i was so surprised. and then my favorite flowers were on my door again on valentine’s day…i was so happy.”

she removed her arm from around her shoulder, pulling her face back from his jacket. he was almost going to let go when he realized she was keeping him close, a hand still in his hair, their faces inches away from each other.

he let her take her time to do what she wanted. she seemed to be searching his eyes for something, and when she found it, she smiled. “the flowers meant a lot to me, kageyama. you’ve done a lot for me since we’ve met and i couldn’t be more happy than to have met you. this is all new to me, i don’t know what i’m doing and i didn’t know what i could give back to you after i found out you were the one who gave me flowers. i really went to friday’s game to see you and support you above everything else. i wanted to hug you, just to thank you for everything you’ve done. i’m sorry if it doesn’t equate to all of your effort, but i just wanted to tell you how much you mean to me, if i could give nothing else.”

“can i kiss you?” he mumbled, still lost in her eyes. the hair at the back of his head tightened slightly.

her breath hitched and he waited for her answer. "yes," she said after a beat.

as soon as he answered he closed the gap, softly pressing his lips against her own, all the while her hand remained entangled in his hair, holding him close.

every anxious thought left him with the kiss. he knew this was where he was supposed to be, by her side. he’d never felt more at home, being so close to her. he broke the kiss, trying to catch his breath, but they were still close enough that their noses bumped.

“there,” he said with a playful smile, resting his forehead on hers. “now we’re even for the flowers.”

her nose scrunched up slightly as she laughed, slinging her other arm around his neck again. “does the mean if i buy you flowers you’ll kiss me again?”

“i’ll kiss you whenver you want,” the words spilled out of his mouth before he could even process what he said, and his blush only worsened. “sorry. i kind of really like you. you have no idea how much my friends helped me talk to you.”

she laughed again, and he smiled at the noise, pulling her closer to him. “i couldn't tell at all. i really like you too, kageyama, you have no idea,” she gave him a peck on the lips.

“will you call me tobio?” he rested his head on her shoulder again, suddenly feeling the aftereffects of all his pent up anxiety wear off.

she started to play with his hair, running her hand through it which only made him feel sleepier, “i think i can manage that, tobio.”

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extras <3

bokuto thought the families in romeo and juliet liked each other

yachi was severely confused by bo’s tweets and thought she was having a stroke but keiji knew exactly what bo was thinking and had to explain the real story to bo

me trying to secretly use new during the written parts are references to the smau title 🧠🤓

I FEEL SO BAD LMAO

KAGEYAMA DID NOT READ HINATA'S CONTACT NAME AND GO "oh great it's hinata 🙄" he was just really hoping it was y/n and so literally reading anyone else's contact name would make his hopes go down

today i'll reveal how hinata found out what y/n's favorite flowers are...

bro found it on sheer luck but he start mass searching through her instagram story archives and found when she had done a random "ask me questions" thing mainly regarding theatre but someone had asked her for her favorite flowers

i bsed that explanation big time but i've also been thinking about it for weeks and it's the best i got lmao 😭

kags kissed y/n one more time before she opened her door and went inside and wasn't really thinking about how noiseproof her dorm was and immediately closed the door, slid against it and screamed

kageyama was slightly worried but also he was going to do the same as soon as he got outside so he kept walking (he could hear bo and keiji scrambling to open their door after hearing the scream and he was terrified of coming face to face with the both of them after everything that had just happened)

yachi also came running and there was an immediate debriefing

same thing for kageyama as soon as he got home except tsukki, hinata, and yams were all sitting in chairs facing him waiting for him to come home like when you come home in the dead of night and your parents are just there waiting for you to explain yourself ykwim

(yams was working on math homework until he came in)

then twitter blew up with all of them talking about what just happened and anyone following them was like "??? tsukki?? hospital bills?? romeo and juliet??? bleach??? kageyama has a gf??"

it was a good night for twitter

I HAVE A SMALL IDEA FOR AN EPILOGUE SO DW ACTUALLY ONE MORE CHAPTER LEFT

I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THOUGH

I'VE LEARNED TO NEVER TRUST SLEEP DEPRIVED ME TO WRITE I THINK I MADE LIKE TWO TYPOS IN THE TEXTS but i cannot be bothered rn to go back and fix them i'm so sorry </3

taglist: @ncitygreen @lvrlamp @cherrypieyourface @mimi3lover @lees-chaotic-brain @frootloopscos @0moonii @cr4yolaas @eggyrocks @pinkiscool @httpakkeiji @localgaytrainwreck @lunaviee @kitty-m30w @lixie-phoria @aliruuiz @corvid007 @iluv-ace @yvjitadori @k8nicole @ryeyeyer @thechaosoflonging @kettlepop @r0seandth0rns @rinheartshyunlix @lucky-chars @par4disee @vixx-11 @luvkvni @does-directions @whykirbo @reminiscentyearn (form to be added to taglist! <3)

#kageyama tobio #tobio kageyama #kageyama x reader #kageyama smau #haiykuu smau #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu #hq #hq x reader

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fortunatelylori · 2 days

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A defense of Eloise Bridgerton and her friendship with Penelope Featherington

I should probably start this post by pointing out the fact that I’m not the biggest Eloise fan out there. In fact Eloise has consistently annoyed me for two seasons straight with her I’m “not like other girls” shtick and the writers using her as a prop for modern feminist talking points.

Mostly what I disliked about Eloise was the bluntness and lack of charm used to put across the themes of women’s role in recency society and the lack of options for girls not interested in playing the marriage mart mind games.

Jane Austen, for example, makes many of the same points regarding women in her novels but instead of beating us over the head with it, she uses wit, eloquence and wisdom to get her points across.

But, above all, I disliked just how self involved Eloise was, what a major chip on her shoulder she had. She’s a privileged girl from an immensely powerful and rich family that spends her days whining and being dismissive of everyone around her.

She spends most of season 1 picking fights with Daphne for no reason and the second season making fun of Colin and running around town like a chicken without a head not so much because she wants to find out who Lady Whistledown is but because she’s bored and wants something to do (something other than talking to men potentially interested in marrying her because she’s gay she’s not like other girls).

Even as I’m writing this, I’m questioning whether I’m even the right person to defend Eloise because, as you can clearly tell, I don’t much care for her. But I do think Polin and Penelope fans are really misjudging Eloise and wanting to make her the villain of season 3 due to her resentment towards Penelope and her anger at the Polin engagement.

So I guess I have to be the hero without a cape in this instance.

Here it goes …

It’s very easy to look at the friendship between Eloise and Penelope in season 1 and 2 and conclude that Eloise has always been a bad friend to Penelope. After all, almost every scene they have together is about Eloise, her interests and passions, her frustrations at the ton and the marriage mart, her inability to fit in with societal expectations, her quest to find out the identity of Lady Whistledown etc, etc. There’s almost never room for Penelope to even get a word in because Eloise talks and talks and keeps on talking.

But I’d like to put forth another interpretation and say that perhaps this dynamic in the relationship isn’t all on Eloise. That it’s Penelope herself that prefers it that way. That she’d much rather talk about Eloise and her issues than to reveal anything truly meaningful or vulnerable about herself.

A scene that supports this theory is the scene they have in season 2, episode 1:

youtube

This is about as open and vulnerable Penelope ever is with Eloise and in this scene we can observe several things:

Despite her being more open than usual, Penelope is still lying to Eloise. She talks about how she enjoys being a wallflower because she can have all the fun without the pressure that comes with being in the spotlight. In reality we know Penelope would love to be in the spotlight but is frightened of being rejected. She’s not having fun hugging the wall at all and yet she’s unable to share that with her friend.

As soon as Penelope opens up, albeit only partially, Eloise is quick to notice that, despite pretending not to enjoy the balls and the marriage mart, Penelope actually likes all of these things. This shows not only that she knows Penelope pretty well (as well as Penelope herself will allow Eloise to know her) but that, despite disagreeing on the topic, she’s supportive of Penelope and listens to her.

It’s also worth comparing the way Eloise behaves with Penelope vs. the way she behaves with Cressida in season 3.

Cressida and Eloise’s relationship is much more balanced and equal because Cressida stands up for herself, pushes back at Eloise when she needs to (like explaining why she needs to marry Lord Debling despite not being compatible) or when Eloise accuses her of telling everyone about Colin helping Penelope find a husband.

And Eloise learns to adjust. She becomes a more supportive friend, sharing her knowledge of birds so that Cressida can impress Lord Debling, making conversation with him when Cressida doesn’t know what to say and coming to her house to visit her and offer support.

My point is: Eloise is not perfect. She’s self involved and dismissive of things she isn’t personally interested in but is willing to put in the work for a friend if said friend is honest with her about what they need from their friendship.

Which leads us back to Penelope. Eloise is the most meaningful relationship in her life (Colin is as well but that’s a much more fraught relationship for Penelope because she wants to be lovers not friends) and yet she refuses to share the two most important aspects of her life with her friend: her love for Colin and her being Lady Whistledown.

Let’s leave Colin to the side for now because Eloise being his sister complicates matters as far as Penelope telling her she’s in love with him.

But why doesn’t she tell Eloise about Lady Whistledown? Particularly in season 1, when she’s just starting to write the scandal sheet. She has no idea where Lady Whistledown will even lead, if she’ll keep going etc. She’s basically doing it because she’s a writer and she wants to have fun talking about the society she knows so well.

So why not share the fun with her friend? It’s pretty clear Eloise doesn’t even know Penelope is a writer and hasn’t seen anything she ever wrote before Lady Whistledown because, otherwise, she’d know it was Penelope doing it.

Also let’s not forget that, in season 1, Eloise was Lady Whitledown’s number 1 fan. She can’t stop talking about how amazing and brilliant she is.

And yet Penelope says nothing. She’d rather grin proudly behind Eloise’s back than go: “Actually this woman you like so much … I am she. She is me.”

She again fails to do it in season 2, despite knowing that Eloise helped her in escaping the queen’s men at the end of season 1.

And then the worst part of their friendship begins as the pressure from the queen mounts and Eloise is more and more determined to find out the identity of Lady Whistledown. Penelope chooses to gaslight and manipulate Eloise for weeks.

It’s not just Eloise’s relationship with Theo and her attending political meetings that put her in harm’s way and eventually forces Lady Whistledown to write about her in order for the Queen to stop suspecting Eloise. It’s Penelope’s refusal to be honest with her friend.

Penelope is so determined to keep Eloise in the dark that even at the end of season 2, when she walks into her bedroom and sees Eloise, she still tries to gaslight her one last time.

Penelope: You’ve been reading too much Whistledown. Her voice is echoing in your head.

Penelope is stuck in a pattern of toxic behavior because that’s what she’s learned to do from her family. She cannot be honest about Lady Whistledown or anything truly meaningful, despite how hard it is for her to remain isolated and in the shadows:

Penelope: You have no idea how horrible it has felt to keep this from you! From everyone! For so long.

It’s no wonder that, in their fight scene, Eloise tells her:

Eloise: I do not even know you.

That’s because Penelope herself has made it so that the people closest to her, Eloise and Colin, don’t actually know the real her. She’s given each of them what she thought they wanted and needed (she’s very similar to Colin in that way) but not enough of the real her.

So when the Lady Whistledown revelation happens, there’s nothing for Eloise to fall back on in order to try and understand Penelope.

All of a sudden her best friend feels like a stranger. A stranger that has exposed her intimate affairs to the whole world and who tells her this:

Penelope: At least I did something. All you ever do is talk about doing something. You have all of these great ambitions, these great plans but I am the one who actually did something great and you can’t stand it, can you?

Now, because we, as the audience, are privy to Penelope’s inner world and we know just how riddled with low self-esteem she is and how she’s used to those closest to her being dismissive of her or her achievements, it’s easy for us to see that Penelope tells Eloise this in anger. Particularly after Eloise tells her:

Eloise: I look at you now and all I feel is pity for you. Sequestered here, in this very room, writing your secret little scandal sheet, tarnishing everyone in town all because you are too afraid to stand up for yourself in reality. You are something else, Penelope. An insipid wallflower, indeed.

Eloise’s words hit too close to home. Too close to the reality of Penelope’s isolation and fear of being alone and abandoned so she hurts Eloise back the only way she can. By pointing to the fact that despite talking and talking endlessly about all the great things women, and she in particular, could be doing, Eloise isn’t actually doing anything.

Basically, these two manage to hurt each other worse than anyone else could because they’re best friends, because they know each other and what makes the other one tick.

But from Eloise’s perspective? In this moment, where she’s been betrayed by her best friend? Well, Penelope doesn’t feel like a friend at all. She feels like someone who got close to her only to exploit her so she could write a scandal sheet and make money off of her misery:

Eloise: This was personal.

Penelope: Eloise, I’m so sorry. I was only trying to protect you.

Eloise: Is that what you were doing? By writing about me in your latest sheet? By telling the entire world about things I trusted you with? [...] The only person you were interested in saving was yourself. All so you could keep making money at the cost to everyone else. At a cost to Miss Thompson. To my brother. To my entire family. To your entire family. [...] All because of your self serving manipulations.

Which brings us to Eloise’s reaction to the closeness between Colin and Penelope and the announcement of their engagement.

To Eloise’s credit, since their fight, she’s tried her hardest to be an adult and not punish Penelope more than she needs to. She’s very hurt by what her friend did and she can’t trust her but she also doesn’t want to hurt Pen.

She’s kept the Lady Whistledown secret and refuses to tell Colin why their friendship fell apart because she doesn’t want Penelope to lose the one friend she still has.

She also misses Penelope which is why she ends up telling Cressida about Colin helping her find a husband. She’s trying to figure out what’s going on with her friend and the only way Eloise knows how to figure stuff out is by talking … and talking … and talking … in full earshot of everyone at the ball.

But despite all of this, as far as she knows, Penelope is still the girl that divulged her secrets, ruined Marina Thompson’s reputation and hurt Colin, not only by revealing Marina’s pregnancy but by taking cheap shots at him only weeks before her brother waltzes into the Bridgerton drawing room to announce he’s engaged to Penelope Featherington.

What kind of sister would Eloise be if she wasn’t angry at Penelope for that? If she didn’t want Colin to find out the truth as soon as possible?

Personally, I think she’s showing real restraint. She cares so much about Penelope that she’s not dragging her brother into the study the moment she hears the engagement news to tell him that he’s about to marry the dreaded Lady Whistledown.

Which brings us back to my earlier point: Penelope never trusted Eloise enough to tell her she was in love with Colin. Maybe if Eloise knew that Penelope has had a crush on Colin since she was 10 years old, she might be able to understand this engagement better.

But from her viewpoint, all she’s likely to see is that Colin is an impulsive romantic who once again has gotten engaged to a girl who is lying to him and using him to avoid social ostracization.

I know that by the end of the season Eloise and Penelope will have mended their relationship and they will go back to being the besties we know they are.

But what I would love to see in part 2 of the season is Penelope actually being brave and honest with the two people that she loves most in the world. Not just about her being Lady Whistledown but about the reasons why she became Lady Whistledown. It’s only by her decision to be vulnerable and open that she can actually mend her relationship with Eloise.

Friendships aren’t just about being there for your friend, about listening and giving them what you think they need but also about allowing your friend to be there for you. To allow them to truly know you: your fears, your sadness, your hopes and dreams. That’s the only way for a friendship to thrive.

#eloise bridgerton #penelope featherington #polin #bridgerton #bridgerton season 3 #bridgerton s3 #Youtube

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moondustpugh · 2 days

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Written in the Stars

Joseph Quinn x Fem!Reader

Summary: You are a believer in fate but after getting your heart broken, you had stopped believing it. Until you met Joe. Suddenly, it got you questioning if fate is real or not.

Author's Note: I truly enjoyed going back and re-editing this story and re-publishing it. As per requested by everyone, I will be re-publishing Permanent December. It's my very first Joe fic series, so it's very special to me. Anyway, thank you for the support with this series! :)

Wordcount: 2.2K

part one - part two - part three - part four - part five - part six - part seven - part eight - part nine - part ten - epilogue

London, United Kingdom.

“Sofia? That’s the same name as Sofia!”

Sara chuckled softly, pulling her ten year old daughter closed to her side. She brushed her brunette hair softly as Sofia said, “It is me.”

Sara chuckled again as she heard that small gasp, making Sofia giggle quietly too.

“But what happened to the Prince and the Princess?”

“Rosie, don’t be dumb. Isn’t it obvious? The story is about mum and dad.”

Rosie pouted at her older brother as her warm brown eyes turned into puppy dog ones before burying her face on Joe’s chest. She sobbed quietly as Joe cooed her and pulled her close in his arms and brushed her brown curly hair.

“Francis, what did I tell you about being mean to your little sister, and we don’t call anyone that word.” You told your six your old son, who was sitting next to you.

Francis hung his head low, his curls falling down his forehead as he let out a sigh. “I’m sorry, Rosie.”

The fireplace warmed the living room that all of you were sitting in. Snow was falling outside as Christmas approached the city of London in just a few days. The kids had been wanting to hear a story before bed and all night long, your four year old daughter had been repeatedly asking you to tell her a nice love story about a Prince and a Princess. Wes and Sara had dropped Sofia off at your house for the weekend since they wanted to go on a nice weekend getaway alone. You honestly didn’t mind since Sofia was such a sweetheart and very mature for her age. She loved to help you bake in the kitchen with Rosie, while Joe would watch television with Francis or play video games in the living room.

“It’s okay.” Rosie pouted as Joe smiled down at his daughter, who was sitting on his lap.

Rosie was a Daddy’s girl. Always had been since she was born. You always wondered why she was so attached to Joe even when she was just a few months old. As she grew older, you could see why. She looked like her father with those brunette curly hair and big chocolate button eyes, and she was starting to be like him too. Everywhere Joe went, she would instantly follow him, ask him questions about his job and how she could also be in the movies. When she was around two, she had given you the hardest time every time Joe had to fly to the States to do some interview or shoot a movie. Rosie would always stay by the window and wait for Joe. She would ask you a million times every day when Joe would come home.

“Sweetheart, he’s gonna be here by Friday.” You would tell her. “In the meantime, why don’t you help mum bake some cookies, yeah?”

That was how you and Rosie had gotten closer. Through baking. She certainly still chose to hang out with Joe most of the time and even go with him on movie sets, so she could see how his movies were made. But you were glad that you had found something that you and your daughter could do together. Francis, on the other hand, was always next to you. He was always interested in what you do at work, asks you questions about how to make friends at school because he was a shy kid and sometimes, he would even ask if he could just stay home instead. You worry about Francis sometimes because he always had a hard time making friends at school. So, you always tried to understand him, but you also wanted your two children to get along since Francis always loved to tease Rosie.

“Mum, what happened next?” Rosie asked again, her eyes then turned to gazed up at Joe.

Joe cleared his throat and said, “Well, one year later, they got married and then after that, they moved to London with your Uncle Wes, Aunt Sara and Sofia.”

“Your mum was pregnant at that time with Francis.” Sara added. “She had the hardest time in the hospital.”

Francis gazed up at you and asked, “How come?”

“You just wouldn’t get out.” You chuckled, poking the tip of his nose lightly.

“She was in the hospital for 18 hours.” Joe continued.

“And you, my darling…” Joe tickled Rosie on her side, making her giggle and held onto Joe’s hand. “You were just too excited to get out that you were two days early.”

Rosie clenched her small fist into Joe’s shirt as she tried to stand up on his lap. Rosie wrapped her tiny arms around Joe and hugged him tightly, making Joe smile and held her in his arms and softly rubbed her back.

“Such a Daddy’s girl.” Wes commented, making everyone chuckle softly.

“I love mum too.” Rosie pouted, laying her head on Joe’s shoulder as she yawned.

“I think it’s time for bedtime.” Sara got up from the sofa.

“Yeah, I’ll put her to bed.” Joe got up from where he was sitting and went down the hall to set Rosie down for sleep.

Joe set Rosie on her bed gently and pulled the covers over her, tucking her in as Rosie gave him a sweet smile and said, “One day, I want to have my soulmate.”

Joe laughed softly, kissing her forehead. “Not until when you’re 40.”

Rosie pouted at Joe’s little tease. “Goodnight, sweetheart. I love you.”

“Goodnight. I love you too, Dad.” Rosie smiled, closing her eyes and hugging her little stuffed teddy bear that was next to her.

Joe stared at his daughter for a moment, brushing her hair softly. Tonight, looking back at his journey with you, he couldn’t help but think about something he read the other day in Sara’s bookshop. Sometimes, he still couldn’t wrap his mind that he has this family. That he has his beautiful family with you. It made all the wait and the complicated situations before seemed all worth it.

“Dad?” Francis appeared at the doorway in his pajamas.

Joe looked over his shoulder and got up from where he was kneeling. “Hey.”

“Mum said it’s bedtime.” Francis reached for his hand. “D… Do you think you could tuck me in?”

“I thought you said you were getting too old for that?” Joe raised his brow.

Francis shrugged his shoulders and looked down at his feet. “Maybe… not.”

A small smile slowly tugged on Joe’s face as he picked up his son. Francis laid his head on Joe’s shoulder and said, “Dad?”

“Yeah?” Joe set Francis down on his bed and tucked him in.

“Do you think… Will I ever make friends?”

Joe looked down at his son. You and Joe had talked about this, and Joe knew how worried you were that Francis felt lonely at school. Joe could see it in Francis’ eyes too that he felt lonely and insecure over the fact that he was the only one who was always left out in school, especially during team activities because no one would pick him to join the group.

“Of course.” Joe reassured him. “You’re a wonderful person, and I know someone will see that. You know I was the same way before? Then, I met your Uncle Wes and ever since then, we were inseparable. Just like your mum and your Aunt Sara.”

Francis’ expression suddenly lightened as he gave Joe a small smile. “Thanks Dad. I love you.”

“I love you too.” Joe leaned down to kiss Francis’ forehead before making his way to the door. “Oh, and if they don’t want to play with you, you always have me.”

Francis smiled at his father before closing his eyes and went to sleep. Joe quietly closed the door behind him and made his way back to the living room, finding you and Sara talking to each other.

“That sounds heavenly.” Joe heard you murmur to Sara. “I’m sure you two will have so much fun.”

“Yeah, I think we kinda need it, you know?” Sara grinned.

“Maybe you two will have too much fun.” You nudged Sara, teasing her as she felt her cheeks heat up.

“Please.” Sara laughed softly. “Maybe.”

You gasped softly, surprised that she actually agreed. Your eyes widened in surprise. “Really?”

“Yeah, I think it’s time.”

You let out a small squeal as you pulled her into a hug. “Then, definitely have so much fun.”

Sara laughed and turned to where Sofia was sitting on the sofa. “My sweet, come here.”

Sofia put her book down and walked over to where you and Sara were. You watched as Sara kneeled down in front of her and smiled.

“We’ll be back in two days. Be good to your Aunt and Uncle, okay?”

“Of course, mum. I love you.” Sofia smiled, giving her a hug. “I’ll miss you and dad.”

Sara smiled, hugging her daughter. “We’ll miss you too.”

“Okay, I think we have to go, darling.” Wes chimed in as he knelt down in front of Sofia also and pulled her into a hug. “I love you, darling.”

“I love you too, Dad.” Sofia smiled, giving both of her parents kisses on the cheek.

“C’mon. I’ll put you to bed.” You reached for Sofia’s hand.

“It’s okay, Auntie. I can do it myself.”

You raised your brows at Sara as she looked at her daughter proudly. You couldn’t help but chuckle and nodded your head. Sofia truly was so mature for her age, and Sara and Wes did raise her very well. You felt Joe’s hand on the small of your back as you both walked Sara and Wes out the door.

“Well, you two have so much fun.” You gave them both a hug.

“Thank you.” Wes smiled. “And thank you for taking care of Sofia.”

“Of course. She is so precious, and the kids love her when she’s around.” You said.

“Okay, well, we gotta go.” Sara and Wes gave the both of you one last hug before making their way to their car.

You took a deep breath and closed the door behind you. You raised your brow at Joe when you saw him looking at you with his adoring eyes.

“Come here.” Joe reached for your hand.

“Why?” You laughed, sliding your hand in his.

“Just come on.” Joe nodded his head towards the direction of the kitchen.

You watched as he stopped in the middle of the kitchen and left you there as he walked over to the speaker and played a slow song for the both of you in a low volume.

“Can I have this dance, miss?” Joe bowed his head at you with one hand reaching for yours.

You laughed, shaking your head as you took his hand. You gazed up at him with a smile on your face, your eyes locking with his chocolate button ones.

“That story was romantic, wasn't it?” Joe asked you the same question he had asked you back in New York when you heard Mr. Cheng’s story but this time, he was referring to your story with him.

You hummed softly and said, “It really was.”

“You know I remembered something earlier. Something I read at the bookshop.” Joe murmured.

“Yeah?”

“Did you know in Korea, there’s this thing called “In-Yun,” which means fate.”

“Oh god, Joe.” You laughed softly, shaking your head as the both of you continued to dance.

“No, hear me out.” Joe chuckled. “They said that In-Yun is fated paths that entwine two people together throughout their past and future lives and they said even just a brush of a shoulder with a stranger, they said that it must mean they mean something to each other in their past lives. Then, they said that if you had married your soulmate, it’s said to be the result of 80,000 layers of In-Yun in over 80,000 lifetimes.”

You grinned, shaking your head. It had been so long since you and Joe talked about the whole “fate” thing. It also had been a while since you thought about it. You were just surprised that Joe still thought about it until now, especially that you were the one who loved to believe in those things before.

“So, do you think we have 80,000 layers of In-Yun because we’re married?” You asked.

“I told you once that every path I tried to go to away from you, it always leads to you no matter what.” Joe murmured, the expression on his face turned into something serious. “Whether that’s in our past lives or in the future lives, I know no matter what the situation was, my heart will always lead back to you.”

You smiled, stopping on your feet for a moment and leaned in to kiss him softly. “80,000 lifetimes.” You grinned. “That’s a lot.”

“Yeah.” Joe grinned.

“I believe it too.” You replied. “I always have.”

“I love you so much.” Joe whispered.

“I love you too.”

You grinned as he leaned down to kiss you deeply. You smiled through the kiss as he pulled you close to him, wrapping your arms around his neck. Whether that was an invisible red string that connected you and Joe together or because you two have 80,000 layers of In-Yun in over 80,000 lifetimes, you knew that your path always had led back to his heart too. Pulling away from the kiss, Joe set his forehead on yours as you both continued to slow dance blissfully in the middle of your kitchen.

“Your past and mine are parallel lines. Stars all aligned and they intertwined.” -Taylor Swift, All of the Girls You Loved Before

The End.

********

Taglist:

@palomahasenteredthechat @sunvick @eddies-acousticguitar @demonsanddemogorgons @joesquinns @mmunson86 @ghostinthebackofyourhead @corrodedcoffincumslut @figmentofquinn @tlclick73 @browneyes8288 @munsonluvrr @ali-r3n @ficsbypix @capricornrisingsstuff @missonlypost @ali-in-w0nderland @amberolivia666 @lalalala-melmosworld @niallersfreckles @nanas-lasagna @emma77645 @indulgence-be-thy-name @readergf @ladamari68 @1paire2vans @d4rk4ng3l86 @paleidiot @josephquinnsfreckles @readergf

#Joseph Quinn #Joe Quinn #Joseph Quinn x Reader #Joe Quinn x Reader #Joseph Quinn x You #Joe Quinn x You #Joseph Quinn x Fem!Reader #Joe Quinn x Fem!Reader #Joseph Quinn Fanfics #Joe Quinn Fanfics #Joseph Quinn Fics #Joe Quinn Fics #Joseph Quinn rpf #Joe Quinn rpf #written in the stars #epilogue #moondustpugh

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whatswrongwithblue · 21 hours

Text

The Fire in the Sin

Chapter 8 - Scrambled Eggs

Word count: 6,081. Read on AO3. Series Masterlist. <-Previous Chapter.

Summary: Alastor finds out someone has hurt his wife. TW: canon typical language. Mentions of violence. Possessive Alastor but it's honestly nothing too crazy.

Series Summary:

Present Day chapters – Alastor has been missing 7 years. No one knows what happened or where he went – not even his wife Mina, who has been searching for him. One day he shows back up and seems to expect a happy reunion with her but he won’t say where he has been. With the promise of eventually giving her both answers and revenge for the last 7 years, she decides to play along with his games, but she can’t pretend to be happy about any of it.

Prequel chapters – Mina, an Irish immigrant to America, dies a violent death in 1917. She spends the first decades in Hell making a life for herself, working as a torturer for Abaddon, enforcing the one major law of Hell; Sinners can’t leave. And then she meets and falls for Alastor. They live blissfully together for decades, until one day, he just vanishes.

Chapter 8 - Scrambled Eggs

Present Day

Dawn didn’t break in Hell the same way it did on Earth, at least not in Pride Ring. There was never any soft yellow glow on the horizon with a transition to baby blue with little fluffy white clouds. When morning came in Hell, it was just a slightly lighter color of red in sky from the deep, almost black crimson of evening.

With her blinds closed and still mostly asleep, Mina had no idea what time it was when she shifted in her bed and noticed the weight of another body under the covers with her. It was not something she had experienced in seven years and the shock of it was enough to wake her up.

She carefully turned from facing the edge of the bed to look at the man fast asleep behind her. It was still very dark in the room, but she could make out the shape of his large ears, two-pointed antlers, and the way the shadows dipped and deepened across his facial features.

Alastor was well and truly out like a light, in bed with her.

The biggest giveaway to how deeply he was sleeping was his smile. He couldn’t fake that small of a smile while awake if he tried. It was barely there, just the smallest twitch upwards at the corner of his lips, the rest of his face completely relaxed.

Even Mina hadn’t seen him sleep properly in a bed since his return. Though they weren’t sharing a room currently, she had noted the lack of one in his own room and knew he was back to his old, bad habit of fighting off sleep as much as possible, only crashing in his chair in his radio tower when his body demanded it. But she had known that eventually, even the Radio Demon, had to get his beauty rest.

It was a weird power trip for him, creating the illusion for everyone that he didn’t have the same biological needs as everyone else in death. He would eat and drink in front of others, but Mina was sure that if he could help it, he wouldn’t even breath around them, God forbid let them know he had to sleep, or shower, or use the toilet.

The fact that he enjoyed a nap and a bath after sex was a secret she would keep for him until the end of the universe.

Mina was never tempted to wake Alastor when she caught him asleep like this. Even in the early years of their relationship, when she would often wake in the middle of the night needful, achy and wet with desire for him, if she found him sleeping peacefully next to her, she let him be. It was such a rare sight, and she cherished every time she got to see him like this.

He showed no signs of waking when she had turned around; hadn’t even changed his rate of breathing, so Mina risked getting closer until she was pressed against his chest. Alastor sighed a bit and shifted his weight in response, and the sound of radio static buzzed momentarily in the room. Mina’s breath caught in her chest when his arm moved but then he simply put it around her waist and went still again.

Pressed this close together, Mina could feel that he had left his red button up on but stripped down to nothing else but his briefs before he had joined her in bed. She ran her foot down his calf and ankle, feeling his foot that ended in hooves instead of toes like her own. Unable to control it, she felt the purring start in the back of her throat. God, she missed this intimacy.

Though she had gone decades without romance before they had met, that had only been out of fear from her past traumatic relationships. She was not like Alastor; she craved physical affection, even when she wasn’t in love. To have been left behind for seven years just for him to return and not “be in the mood” for weeks now was wearing her down.

It was only her deep exhaustion, brought on by the battle and blood loss from just hours before, that kept her hands from roaming to more exciting places on Alastor’s body. Instead, Mina closed her eyes and let the feeling of his arm around her, and the vibration of her own purrs soothe her back to sleep.

____

For the first time in what felt like a lifetime, Alastor felt his body waking up and tried to fight it off.

His shadow had alerted him to Mina’s return in the middle of the night and he had marched down to her room, ready for a confrontation, and instead found her curled up under the covers, limbs and tail tucked as close to her core as possible, and fast asleep.

He had sent his shadow under the blankets to inspect her, watching as it caressed and wrapped itself around her body, before returning to its owner and informing him wordlessly that she seemed fine. No injuries at least, just incredibly worn out. Something bad had happened but she would be alright.

Alastor had been so tired as well that he made the decision that their inevitable argument could wait until they were both better rested and had divulged himself of most of his clothes and slipped under the covers as well, careful not to get too close to her lest he wake her. Manifesting a bed in his room had sounded like just another chore to do and after all, Mina had offered to share her bed with him earlier that same night, so he doubted she would wake up angry.

He couldn’t remember any of that, or even where he was, or what year they were in, when he first began to wake. All he felt was her body against his and the urge to stretch his limbs. He began to move, first one leg and then the other and felt Mina yawn against his chest and shift her weight as well.

Alastor opened his eyes, blinking away the still heavy curtain of sleep. His vision cleared and red irises met green and gold and instinctually, as easily as breathing, he leaned forward and kissed his wife.

She responded eagerly, her hands quickly emerging from beneath the blankets and tangling in his hair before moving up to caress the base of his ears. He felt his smile widen before he deepened the kiss, his own hands still under the covers and found the hem of her nightgown and pushed it up, following the heat of her flesh up until he was cupping her ass. Mina groaned against him, and he moved until he was fully on top of her, allowing her to adjust herself until her legs were wrapped around him before settling his weight down. She wasn’t wearing anything beneath her nightgown and he ground down into her, nothing between them but the thin fabric of his briefs. He hadn’t woken up with an erection but was quickly feeling himself growing hard and she moaned again, claws digging into the back of his neck in response to the friction.

The small amount of pleasurable pain from her scratch shocked his system and he began to wake up a little more.

Mina leaned up and kissed him and he responded in kind, kissing her back as passionately as before, but something had shifted in his mind.

This was not their bed.

Beneath him, she angled her hips up and tried to grind against him again, but he had stilled a moment as he tried to process his thoughts.

The hotel. Hazbin Hotel. He had named it.

“Alastor?” she said, and he realized he had stopped kissing her completely.

He stared down at her as reality came crashing back.

Where he had been the last seven years, the deal he had made, the shit that he and Lillith, and Lucifer, were all wrapped up in, Charlie, the hotel . . . Mina. The memory of looking at Mina for what he knew to be the last time seven years ago and her smiling innocently back at him, completely oblivious to the destruction he was about to bring into her life.

Mina, who had taken off to somewhere last night when he had been aching for her the most.

Alastor really wished he had just kept his momentary sleep-induced amnesia for even a few more minutes longer.

“Where did you go last night?” he heard himself ask before he had even really decided how to proceed; before the radio filter had even taken its hold on him.

He could feel the tension suddenly enter her body beneath him.

“Alastor, please,” Mina pleaded, her hands still in his hair. “Please, just keep kissing me.”

He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against her, truly wishing in that moment that he was the kind man who could just put his feelings aside and give his body what it wanted. Relationships, sex, life in general, seemed so much simpler for men like that, and for the first time since he was alive, Alastor envied them.

Mina moved her hands from his hair to cup his cheek and whispered to him. “Please, Al. I love you.”

“I love you, too,” he said, and regretfully pulled away from her and got out of bed.

“Don’t,” she said but he was already getting dressed.

“Where did you go last night?” he repeated, static filter now fully in place as he pulled his pants on. He could just materialize his clothes back on his body, but he was nothing if not petty when he was upset and wanted to take his time making a show of it.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” she sighed, sitting up and with her elbows on her knees, put her head in her hands.

“Answer me.”

“Where did you go for seven fucking years?” she spat back.

“I am here now. I was here last night. You weren’t. That is what we’re talking about right now.”

“Oh, fuck you.”

“I have made it clear I have told you everything I can about that and you accepted it, so, my dear, I would appreciate it if you’d stop throwing it in my face every time you fuck up.”

Mina’s head shot up and she glared daggers at him, but he just smiled back as he buttoned his jacket and straightened the sleeves.

“You don’t get to ABANDON me, keep secrets from me, and then expect me to trust you with ANYTHING after that! I don’t even know you anymore!”

“Darling-“

“Don’t ‘darling’ me. You only call me those stupid pet names when you’re pissy with me, and you do not get to be angry with me right now.”

He rolled his eyes. “Now you know me so well.”

“Just get out,” she said and looked away from him towards her window, as if their conversation were anywhere near over.

Alastor didn’t move a muscle. He studied her as she sat there in bed. For all her anger, she was shaky and pale. Normally, she would be up out of bed and in his face but she didn’t seem to have that kind of fight in her this morning.

“I said get out!” she yelled.

“What happened to you last night?” he asked.

“Ugh,” she scoffed, “I didn’t know the radio played broken records.”

“Mina,” he warned, and she threw the blankets off her.

“Give me a reason to trust you enough to tell you and maybe . . .” she swayed as she stood up from her side of the bed.

Alastor was in front of her before she could fall, supporting her with one hand on her elbow and the other at the small of her back. He was still very angry with her, but his concern was suddenly at the forefront of his mind.

“Who did this to you?”

Mina took a couple of slow, deep breaths and then shook her head. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“This is my punishment, then?” he asked, “you’re going to make me watch you suffer and not give me the pleasure of tearing apart the fool who touched you?”

Mina didn’t answer at first. She just sat back on the bed, giving another defeated shake of her head.

“Or is the silent treatment?” he continued, “Giving me a taste of my own medicine?”

“Why are you like this?” she finally asked.

“I’m afraid I don’t follow.”

“First, you’re on top of me, then you’re furious with me, and now you’re playing the protective husband. Wherever you took off to, they must have served Bipolar Disorder on a fucking platter.”

Still seething inside, Alastor smiled wider and laughed a little as he sat down next to her on the edge of the bed.

“You have always driven me to my wits end, my love. But I simply cannot continue berating you with you about to tip over. It takes all the fun out of it.”

He brushed a lock of her long black hair away from her back and trailed his red fingertips across the pattern of leopard spots that he had exposed across her shoulder blade. Mina just continued to silently sulk next to him, unresponsive to his touch now that they were no longer tangled up in the sheets.

This was ridiculous. He realized she wasn’t going to just “get over things” right away, but to be keeping him in the dark about why she was so unwell just out of spite was childish. He was the one acting emotional and unpredictable? She was the one continually accusing him of not caring enough about her but then weaponized his obvious concern for her against him.

He was bound by a deal to secrecy. She was just playing games with him. The last time he had been this pissed off with her, he had set fire to an entire city block in order to scare her. Now, the worst he could bring himself to do was withhold sex from her.

Love really had made him weak.

He gritted his teeth and, grateful for his ever-present smile helping his hide his true feelings, tried another approach. “Will you at least do me the honor of telling me how I can help you return to full health? That way we can both return to our indignations, guilt free?”

She sighed loudly and said, “Honestly? I’m starving.”

“There we go!” he said and stood, “Now, was that so hard? And it just so happens, I have quite the buffet waiting in my room. Are you well enough to get dressed and join me there in a few minutes? That is, if you can tolerate my moodiness for a while longer?”

Mina stood slowly but looked up at him with steady eyes. “Stop it,” she poked him in the chest, “Stop your petty play acting. I get it, okay? You’re mad, but you still care. Just stop being a jackass about it.”

He grabbed her hand and held it to his chest. “Oui, mon amour,” and as he let her hand go and she turned away to collect her day clothes, he followed behind her, smacked her on her ass, and said, “You see, you do know me so well.”

___

Mina had to admit – albeit silently to herself – that the smack on the ass and the deer were both making her feel better.

When Alastor had first introduced her to his specialty Hellish cuisine of rotting deer meat, she had tried to be repulsed. It was one thing to repeatedly torture other souls by eating their spleens in front of them but the idea of eating and actually enjoying a decaying animal carcass made her take pause. But the smell had enticed her and when she finally dared to take a bite off the fork Alastor had held for her, she had fallen in love all over again. Maybe she really was a monster.

So, when he presented her with the dead deer laid bloody and gutted across the small dining table for two in the pocket dimension in his room he had turned into his own personal bayou, she knew he had been saving it for a special occasion. It soothed the icy sting of him turning cold in bed earlier, just enough, to keep her from seething too much during breakfast.

Mina could tell Alastor was still angry beneath his smile and while she didn’t blame him, she wasn’t about to give in. If he had shown up after mysteriously leaving, obviously unwell and refusing to say anything about it, she would be furious and concerned as well. It was similar to the cause of her own anger these past couple weeks. What he was feeling this morning, he had put her through a thousand times over by going missing for years. She had hoped this morning would give him some perspective; that he would cave and tell her even a little more about where he had been, and instead he just acted like a bigger brat than he had been before.

He was being childish, self-absorbed, and temperamental. He was also being caring, observant, and mindful of her delicate state. It was why she could tolerate, at least for now, the secrets he was keeping, if it meant he was staying for good. He was such an asshole and also everything she loved about him, at the same time.

“I’ll make you a deal today . . . no, not that kind of a deal. Obviously,” he rolled his eyes when she had perked up her ears suspiciously. “I just mean, I promise I’ll tell you something if, in return, you tell me what you were up to last night?”

Mina set her fork down. “Can you be more specific about what you’ll tell me?”

Even though this wasn’t one of his “deals,” she still didn’t like the vagueness of his promise.

“There’s a meeting of Overlords happening today. In just a couple of hours, actually. I plan on using it as an opportunity to gather some intel, if you will, and I promise to let you in on everything I learn today if you tell me what you did last night.”

Mina chewed another bite, taking the moment to contemplate his offer.

“You always used to tell me things like that, if I asked.”

“Of course I did. Because you weren’t hiding injuries or illnesses or whatever malady you have gotten yourself into and I didn’t have to make bargains with you in order to find out what was going on in your life.”

She ignored his taunting, not willing to fall into that circular argument again. Not yet anyway.

“I don’t really care what the other Overlords are up to right now. I want to know what you have been up to,” she countered.

“This meeting is about the exterminations. It has everything to do with the hotel and the hotel has more to do with me than I can say. And” he paused for dramatic effect. “I’m not asking for you to tell me the reason behind all of your disappearances as of late. I just want to know what happened last night. Deal?”

Mina was already figuring things out in her head and about to answer when the door slammed open and Vaggie barged in, surrounded by egg bois.

“Alastor!” Vaggie said and then paused, surprised to see Mina in there as well. She made a mental note to remind Alastor that she really wanted to be sharing a room with him again, and as soon as possible. He was her husband, why the fuck shouldn’t she be in his room?

“Do you mind?” Alastor said over a mouthful of meat, “we’re in the middle of breakfast?”

“Pentious’s eggs are all over the place and I need you to get rid of them.”

“Oh well in that case, I’d be delighted to,” he said, standing and approaching Vaggie with a flourish of his cane.

“Mina,” Vaggie said, looking around his shoulder, “make sure he does it humanely, please.”

“I am perfectly capable of accomplishing a task without murder,” Alastor said defensively, then turned and smiled darkly at Mina, “though that’s a lot less fun.”

“He can take care of it himself on his outing today. I’m staying in,” Mina agreed as she walked over to join them in the doorway and that’s when Vaggie really got a good look at her.

“Jesus, you look like shit. What happened?”

“I’m afraid she’s caught one of those Hellish bugs that go around now and then. Best she stays inside for a while and receive all the TLC she can stand, right my love?” Alastor said, making a show of putting an arm around her shoulder and an obnoxiously audible kiss to the crown of her head.

Not that he hadn’t been taking care of her this morning, but she found it really annoying that he felt the need to make a scene about what a loving, and doting husband he was, especially when she was still angry with him, and he with her.

His obviously fake smile at her let her know he was absolutely doing it on purpose.

“Agreed,” Mina said with a nod, making prolonged eye contact with him. His smile spread across his face, understanding she was agreeing to his bargain and not his statement about her being ill.

Vaggie looked at both of them, watching the moment of silent communication between the couple. “Okaaay, good to see you two are fucking weird as ever . . . that looks disgusting,” she said with one final glance at the deer behind them, before walking away.

____

Mina had no intention of staying at the hotel while Alastor went about his day. She was feeling better than she was letting on after their meal together and though she had agreed to his “deal,” she didn’t trust Alastor to be as forthcoming with information as he promised to be. She was planning a few lies of omission herself and she expected the same of him.

After watching him leave the hotel with the eggs in tow, she morphed into her cat form and followed him, keeping at a safe distance and utilizing vertical spaces to blend in once they were in the heart of the city and surrounded by buildings.

The first problem she encountered was when he and Zestial entered the elevator. She felt a bit hopeless as she watched the two Overlords ascending until she noticed the egg at Alastor’s feet. They didn’t seem incredibly bright, and she was confident she could get information out of it if she could just get her hands on it before Alastor disposed of it.

And then she watched Rosie enter the building and felt even more confident she could find out the whole story from her. Rosie may have been closer to Alastor than she was with Mina, but the cannibal had a soft spot for women with lousy husbands and if Mina worked the angle that he was keeping secrets from her, Rosie would take her side immediately.

Mina kept out of eyesight from the eggs that remained outside with her as the meeting went on, although at one point, she was almost distracted into a chase by a scaley mouse sized creature that ran past her as she hid behind the dumpster. As the rodent escaped and ran out into the street, that British cunt Velvette came down the elevator, obviously pouting, followed a minute later by most of the other Overlords. Alastor came down from the elevator a moment after everyone else, though he was without Zestial or the egg that had accompanied him up.

She waited, hidden in the dark and small cramped space, hoping that the eggs in the dumpster above her didn’t give away her location, as Alastor loitered suspiciously outside the building for several minutes.

Mina didn’t keep a watch on her when she was in this form, but it felt like at least 30 minutes before the missing egg came down with the elevator.

“So, what did you hear?” Alastor asked it, bending down to its level like they were co-conspirators.

She listened carefully as the egg described Carmilla admitting she had killed an angel.

That bitch was selling guns to irresponsible Hellhounds and she had found a way to kill angels? Mina would hold onto that information. She was sure Abaddon would like to know all that but since their dismissal of her, she wasn’t going to run to their doors to tell them just yet.

“Interesting,” Alastor said once the egg was done rambling, “Let’s keep this between us, shall we?”

Darkness enveloped the street as Alastor’s more demonic form came forward to threaten the egg into cooperation. It only helped fuel Mina’s sexual frustration with him since that morning. The man was a walking thirst trap for her when he was in full Overlord mode.

“You got it boss!” the egg enthusiastically agreed as Alastor returned to his normal form.

“And Mina, I do believe it’s time you came out from there,” he said, turning and looking right at the spot she was hiding at.

Fuck.

How did he always have the upper hand?

Mina trotted from behind the dumpster, tail held high with a confidence she wasn’t feeling, and then morphed back to her usual form.

Alastor tsked at her. “You should know better than to use shadows to hide from me.”

Mina crossed her arms. “I’m not going to apologize. And I still expect you to hold up your end of the bargain.”

“Well, there’s not much left to tell, is there?” he said, and she allowed him to take her arm as they walked back to the hotel, eggs following closely behind them as he told her what he had seen during the meeting. “Velvette made a ghastly presentation with the head of an exterminator and Carmilla was really weird about it, so I sent one of those pleasant little fellows to spy on them, and you heard the rest . . . I was going to tell you all this, you know. I made a promise. And I’m a bit hurt that you didn’t believe that I would follow through.”

She would not let him make her feel guilty for that.

“Just like you told me about how you knew the exterminations were going to be moved forward by six months before anyone else did?”

Alastor pretended to remain composed, but she noticed the way his eyes darted towards her nervously before looking straight ahead.

“What makes you think I knew that?”

“You can hide your expression from everyone else but as you’ve continuously pointed out this morning, I know you. I saw the look on your face when the announcement came on the T.V.”

“Hmm, very astute observation,” he said and continued walking.

“So, I’m right?”

“Of course you are! And I’m quite relieved. If you could figure that out on your own, you’ll figure out the rest eventually.”

“But you won’t tell me how you know.”

He sighed. “Once again, Mina dearest, I can’t. But this bit of the conversation wasn’t part of our promise. I’ve told you even more than I bargained for, so it’s time you held up your end of things.”

“Okay then,” she said, “last night, I was shot by a Hellhound.”

Alastor stopped walking.

“Pardon?”

Mina chose her next words carefully, having rehearsed them so that they were utterly true but selective.

“I got a call from an old coworker having issues with a Hellhound who was involved in the Earth trafficking business. In hindsight, I know the whole thing was handled stupidly and I shouldn’t have gone, but I was upset and restless last night and it sounded like a good way to blow off some steam. It went badly, I got shot. I was able to heal and I’m perfectly fine now, but I did lose a lot of blood.”

Alastor narrowed his eyes.

“And where is this Hellhound now?” he asked slowly.

“Abaddon found out about it before you did,” she said, fully prepared for Alastor to lose it then and there and when he sucked in a breath, she interrupted him before he could explode, “They’re just as pissed as you are, love. Probably more, actually. As much as you upset me this morning, they really said some things to me last night that I don’t know if I can forgive. And I promise you,” she said with a gentle squeeze to his arm for emphasis, “I’m not working for them.”

Right now.

It was the biggest piece of information she was keeping from Alastor but she was nowhere close enough to being able to trust him with the information that she had started working for Abaddon again once he had gone missing. She was also not about to divulge the fact that she had been shot with an angelic steel bullet that could have very easily killed her permanently. Mina thought of how Ro had fallen from the sky right in front of her and imagined it had been her. She would have been gone from Alastor’s life, as suddenly as he had disappeared from hers, only she would be gone forever. And would he ever have found out what had happened to her? Or would Abaddon keep him in the dark, just out of spite.

Maybe she didn’t want to go back to that job if that was the risk she was taking. Maybe Abaddon really had done her a favor by telling her to take some time to herself.

“Happy now?” she asked Alastor after a moment of silence had passed between them.

“Hardly,” he said, deadpanned. “You expect me to find out someone so much as laid a hand on you, let alone spilled your blood, and do . . . nothing?”

“There’s nothing to be done, love. You see? I wasn’t being spiteful when I wasn’t telling you this morning, I just knew you would get all worked up and have nothing to show for it.”

He took her hand and continued their walk back to the hotel, fuming all the way, his eyes blackened and turned to the shape of dials. His grip on hers wasn’t painful but it was possessively tight. If other demons on the street were running from him before, they were positively scattering now. Even Alastor’s smile couldn’t hide his fury with his antlers so visibly extended. Mina was just thankful his height hadn’t increased with his anger; if his legs got any longer, she wasn’t sure she’d be able to keep up.

Alastor managed a more calm and pleasant façade when they returned to the hotel in front of Charlie and the other residents, returning to the egg bois to Sir Pentious graciously. Vaggie looked questioningly to Mina who entered through the front doors of the hotel, her hand still clenched in Alastor’s, when she was supposed to be spending the day in her room resting. But if Vaggie had questions for her, she kept them to herself.

They excused themselves and went upstairs, still hand in hand.

When Mina walked through her doorway, she gasped in surprise.

She didn’t know when or how Alastor had managed it, but her room was now the perfect combination of his and hers. Her bed, dresser, and décor, mixed with his desk and the little slice of bayou on the farthest wall.

Before she could verbalize her joy, he grabbed her by the shoulders.

“Let me see,” he demanded.

It took her second to realize what he was asking and when she did, she rolled her eyes.

“You already saw it this morning and didn’t even know it. I told you; I’m all healed now.”

He just stared at her, so she sighed and pulled her sweater and dress strap to the side, exposing the flawless skin of her shoulder and collarbone.

“See? No bullet wound. I’m fine.”

Alastor pulled her into a hug, crushing her to his chest.

Carefully, she put her arms around him as well, and began rubbing gentle circles in his back. She felt his breath against her scalp as he pressed his face between her ears, breathing in the scent of her.

“Al, my love. I’m fine. Really,” she said again in a small voice, suddenly feeling wrecked with the guilt she had been avoiding letting herself feel.

“You don’t understand,” he said, and pulled away. His red eyes were wide and his smile incredibly strained when he looked at her. He pressed a kiss to her forehead, her nose, and then finally, her lips.

“Just talk to me, then,” she pleaded when he pulled away, “Help me understand.”

His black and red clawed hand took hold of her brown and black one and pressed a final kiss to her knuckles.

“You need to rest, I’ve put you through enough for one day,” he said, and turned to leave. From the bathroom she heard the sound of water suddenly running and new he had drawn a bath for her. “Stay here. I’ll be checking in on you, and I’ll know from now on, the second you try and leave.”

He walked towards the bedroom door and Mina was immediately enraged.

“You can’t keep me prisoner!”

He rounded on her, all evidence of his previous fury back in place in his demonic features.

“You’re not my prisoner, you’re my wife!” he shouted, his voice crackling deeply with static. “I told you when I got here that I’m not letting you go this time. So, you will stay put, and keep yourself safe, or you will tell me where you’re going from now on. You can be as angry as you want at me for what I’ve done to you, but I have always had the intention of us being together in the end. You can’t dare say the same to me if you are getting yourself shot at because you’re bored here.”

Mina wasn’t scared of him, but her ears pulled back just the same. This was worse than fear or anger. He was right to be furious with her, and she knew it.

For the first time since his return, she had nothing to say to him. She couldn’t find the words. So, when he turned away and slammed the door behind him, she let him go. She didn’t have it in her to chase after him or apologize for what she’d done. But she did at least do as he had demanded, and after a moment of staring dumbfounded at her bedroom door, she went into the bathroom, took her clothes off, and sank into the hot bath.

She was much more tired than she had realized and closed her eyes as soon as she was submerged, feeling sleep tugging at her subconscious. After a few minutes, she opened them, only to find Alastor’s shadow in the room with her, smiling down from the wall next to the tub.

It was probably there to spy on her, but she didn’t care. She reached her hand out to the wall, and the shadow reached towards her in kind. Shadow and skin connected, and she felt the pleasant coolness of it as the darkness danced along her fingertips; a gentle caress of affection in stark contrast with the sinister smile that always played across its features.

Mina knew it was more than just a part of Alastor. It was a manifestation of the darkest part of him, and she worried sometimes it was even worse than she could imagine. This shadow seemed to have a mind and will of its own at times and had as much influence over Alastor as he had of it. And still, she loved it, almost as much as she loved her husband, and it seemed to hold quite a large amount of affection for her as well.

If the most evil and malicious parts of Alastor’s soul still sought her out and never touched her with anything but a loving caress, then she knew that even in his moments of rage, he still loved her. She held onto that notion as she fell asleep in the bath, her hand still wrapped in darkness.

@saccharine-nectarine, @inuhalfdemon

#hazbin hotel #hazbin alastor #alastor fanfiction #alastor hazbin hotel #alastor x oc #hazbin hotel alastor #alastor x reader #alastor #hazbin hotel fanfiction #the radio demon #alastor the radio demon #alastor radio demon #radio demon #the fire in the sin

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divorcedyaoi · 1 year

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I do Not understand the appeal of supermassive games’s library. not to be a hater but like how have these games sold well enough that they’ve made as many as they had

#📝: misc #ud was bad but you could argue the gameplay was novel enough to be interesting #but every other game has been the same after that.#i can’t finish lps I start of those games cos they’re also so fucking long and drag out sooo much #also in general I do get impatient and check wikis to see if games/movies are worth my time #I will read who the killer is for those games and be like oh ok. I literally do not care how that plays out I guess #I have spoiled myself on stuff I thought I wouldn’t want to see through and it made me keep w it #but all of the supermassive stuff just makes me go thank god I didn’t waste my time

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theygender · 9 days

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I've got too many games I want to play and not enough free time 😭 I still need to finish my BG3 playthrough but since Endless Ocean: Luminous came out I've been playing a lot of that instead. Also just got back into Wizard101 last night. Started playing House Flipper again last weekend. Still need to finish BOTW so I can start a TOTK playthrough and finish Pokemon Shield so I can start on Pokemon Violet. I've been fighting off the urge to start up a new Skyrim playthrough for weeks. My brother just told me that Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door is getting ported to the Switch. And now I'm suddenly feeling inspired to replay DAI... And throughout all of this I'm also playing the hell out of DragonVale on my phone. Someone just pay me to play video games all day please

#and before anyone suggests it: no i cant try to get into streaming #the way i play video games is extremely frustrating for other people to watch ahdjsksl #no one is going to give me money for producing a video where i spend two hours checking every barrel in the map while juggling my inventory #and then immediately give up on a puzzle and just sit in silence for 30 minutes while i look up a walkthrough instead #i need a situation that pays me $200 a day just to be autistic at the screen alone in the comfort of my own home #rambling #a few years ago i made it a mission to play all of the dragon age games and dlcs in order and i did not complete it #i got all the way to inquisition before i quit #i had already played it on ps3 but i wanted to replay on my new gaming laptop and unfortunately my computer decided it was too complicated #and also i just wanted to play as an elf again and i was resisting that urge bc i played as an elf the first time and wanted something new #so i didnt connect to my character as much #BUT ive learned a lot about optimizing my games from getting bg3 to run on my computer #so i think i could get it to handle dai now. especially if i upgrade to ssd like ive been wanting #and i just saw a dai post on my dash that made me daydream about possible characters and i was struck with inspiration #when i first played through on ps3 i didnt know anything about da lore. it was my first dragon age game #i was just doing whatever i thought seemed coolest #so i basically modeled my inquisitor after my dnd oc and then just picked a vallaslin i thought was pretty #and then when it came time to pick a specialization i was just like 'i mean my hand has rift magic right? seems obvious enough'#but now i know the LORE. and the dalish really interest me. and i want to make an inquisitor thats their own character #i didnt want to replay another elf mage bc i thought it would be too similar #but at the same time i wanted to re-experience dai (and experience trespasser for the first time) now that i knew more about the dalish #(with mods that fix the annoying bits where your character seems to not know about their own religion of course lol...)#i was thinking about that and i just got hit with some inspiration #instead of 'my dnd character but with a cool tattoo and rift magic and they kinda roll with the inquisitor stuff bc idk whats going on'#what if i made a more intentional character with a much different personality and their own backstory #theyre still the first of their clan but i know what that means now so theyre not really into the herald of andraste stuff #theyre a devotee of falon'din with his vallaslin and fittingly choose necromancy specialization (tho theyre annoyed by all the maker talk)#they can look cool and goth and maybe they even make some different choices about the well of sorrows 👀#i could keep rambling but im running out of tags gah #anyways ive got lots of ideas now and i think the playthrough would be unique enough to be worth it

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icewindandboringhorror · 11 months

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I’m always paranoid of my tumblr being deleted or malfunctioning or something like that someday, so here’s other places to find me/follow me, just in case lol

~ instagram - https://www.instagram.com/lucalicatte/

~ main youtube - https://www.youtube.com/c/LucaLiCatte

~ games/sims youtube - https://www.youtube.com/@cloudycatte

~ facebook page (I rarely use this because I hate facebook but.. it at least allows text posts better than instagram does, so idk maybe I’d use it more if tumblr went away? lol) - https://www.facebook.com/cloudycatteart/

~ Other Links (stuff I don’t use often/isn’t Main enough to list here, like twitter, neopets, other tumblr sideblogs, youtube channels, etc.) are here - http://icewindandboringhorror.tumblr.com/otherlinks )

#An updated version of this since some of the links on the old one are no longer the same lol #I might make a website website one day (not with a custom domain since I'm not paying for that/dont have the money lol #but like a 'my name.weebly.com type thing lol) but I haven't had the time recently. If I ever get around to it I'll update the post and #reblog that version. ANYWAY.. I just like to have one of these written out to reblog every once in a while. During the once ever few months #when poeple are like 'tumblr is failing again! it wont survive!' which has happened like 80 times but I'm still always like :0c what if!#also love the ms paint art done with a mouse ghhj #ANYWAY.. also if you want to see the stinky game I made that's not actually related to my own worldbuilding really (why I have never #posted anything about it publilcy because it's like.. how do I talk about it lol) I have my itch.io linked in the 'other links' page #as well as my General Projects blog. which talks about all the ongoing and upcoming projects I want to do that are #actually set in my world and can give you previews of some of the things I'm working on. Currently resuming my Game after abandoning it #basically for the entire pandemic and a little before that - as mentioned before - so that's OUgh.. in terms of A Lot Of Work #Especially since while kind of 'revamping and updating' I want to add a few features which are mostly easy but every once in a while #I don't understand something and it's like....... hGGhh...... Ironically despite Blogging I just hate talking to people in public open foru #.. I love privacy and security lol.. and I always feel that ONE day I am going to have a question that has not already been asked on a foru #somewhere and I am going to have to post myself and.. no.. I shan't even imagine it.. It's not even really social anxiety it's just like..#efficiency.. instead of wating like days to get an accurate response and resolve the problem with the general public I would rather just ha #e a one time 30min conversation with an expert and resolve it quickly. PLUS then I also only interact with One stranger instead of Many Of #Them lol.. any 6+ yrs of experience Ren'py experts hmu so I can pay you like $50 to have a single 45min conversation #with me over an insanely simple question and then never talk to you again until a year later when I have a second question. hhjb #ANYWAY.. I still really don't like instagram or it's layout and I never understood how it works like.. if I should be tagging photos or wha #or how you really use it and I just... euGH... stimky.. but it is one of the most popular so I feel obligated to link it. I wish facebook w #sn't such a nasty poo poo because I do actually like the variety of posts you can make and how Pages on facebook operate. In the scense of #it being similar to tumblr that you can make a VARIETy of styles of post. not just Only Post Photos or Only Short Text or Only Video which #is still like.. how the funk does sutff like that even get popular lol.. the Limited nature.. hewwo.. but alas.. and NO way I'm touching #fucking Threads please do not make an account on there and don't let your friends do it and don't let that shit catch on lol.#BUT YEahg... links...... just in case.. i hope tumblr stays aroundin it's current format forever though lol..#I'm pretty sure even facebook doesn't have audio posts. or tags the way this does. or CHRONOLOGICAL FEED. custom html for pages.. aaaaa

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hauntingblue · 2 months

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I love this movie about.... zoro's past boyfriend being taken over by a curse

#zoro having a friend from his childhood seems ooc. thay guy had kuina and thats it. he is weird and has been #this movie and the last one started the same. nami has an ides for money and robin corroborates it with some facts and there they go #'he has already cut ties with you loser pirates' lmao harsh #alos zoro vs sanji.... got cooked....#usopp jumping after luffy akdhakdjka 💀💀💀#'cooking keeps my mind off the pain' 🚬🚬 he is so upset about his bf #zoro is smelling something fishy bc he always does but is going thru with it.... but now they have touched luffy so i sense this is it #luffy being dumb as rocks i miss you. well he isnt dumb but idk enjoys being silly too much at the expense of his and other's safety #i am sure they have went to every important place that will be relevant in the future #also this reminds me of the sims 4 game pack jungle adventure. many such cases #zoro making another promise... he has too many.... well if he turned evil its kinda sad....#sanji saying 'promise 🚬' exactly..... more bitterness....#luffy stumbling into the gems qjdjaksjk #oh no maya is going to sacrifice herself for the good of the island.... meanwhile luffy with the gems jumping out of a geyser: 😁#luffy is so sweet and earnest in these movies... he says what he means and everything.....#this boy reminds zoro of saga as a kid.... omg... i was right zoro didnt have a friend as a child... he had a bf...... this is so sad #luffy carrying people like a sack of potatoes.... compelling...#also zoro lost to saga.... his streak is OVER!!! this sacred sword power is really cool looking... cutting people with a swirl of the hand #omg emotional swordfight under the full red moon..... zoro with the stars behind him.... he got the same scar as zoro omg.... AND DIED????#thats why he called him there.... bc he is steong enough to win.... cant believe they killed maya and zoro's bf... nvm he is alive.... ofc #he isnt even hungry... his tummy aches just by seeing his ex bf with a girl.... after they swordfought under the moonlight....#sanji is also pissy ajshaja #talking tag #watching one piece #watching one piece movies

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thingswhatareawesome · 5 months

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i hate you stellar warp, i hate you i hate you i hate you i fucking HATE you

#YELLS WITH FRUSTRATION #now up to 70 pity #271/300 so 29 more pulls until choosing #just...all i've gotten from this fucking warp the ENTIRE time i've played this game is a bronya himeko and one 5* lc #i want other peoples' luck SO BADLY i want to cry #like all i got from the starter warp was bronya and then those 3 things from regular/stellar and like #why am i so fucking unlucky why is my rng so bad #every time it's the same thing just one shitty 4* thing and that's it #and yet there's people who're like wow i got two 5* and three 4* and i got it at 35 pity lol #like here's the spots for gepard and bailu or even welt or yanqing or clara in my roster IF I EVER FUCKING WON THIS WARP #/sigh #all i wanted for fucking month after month after month for what 3/4 of a year has been gepard (or now him or bailu)#and nothing just jack shit nothing #and none of the other 5*s either like there's fucking seven of them i've gotten two there are FIVE others it could give #but it never does #if i finally win one to pity and it's a duplicate himeko or bronya i am going to literally learn chinese to yell at their entire staff #now to wait another 3-4 weeks until i can scrape together another 10 passes to see how it screws me over next time #please ignore my sr bs

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rivaiin · 10 months

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ok now that ive had a couple of hours to sit on it the new conversation with buzzo at the ending of joyful sucks absolute ass. i liked the rest of the new content Specially the new boss in painful but the stuff with buzzo is..............................

#wheres the nuance the care the love thats on the rest of the game #if we take what buddy says at face value its weird cause she barely knows who lisa is #so how could she know what kind of relationship she had with buzzo #and if we take it as buddy somehow channeling the spirit of lisa to spill that stuff its probably even worse #cause like whats the point of every other interaction between buzzo and lisa then #i sort of get the idea that they wanted to portray buzzo as a pathetic man but like. he already was #just maybe not in the same way as other pathetic characters #this mans been hung up on the same thing for his entire life but like. it was a life changing event. it Was traumatic #he blames everyone except the person that was actually hurting lisa and keeps taking some kind of fucked up responsability over it #even tho he was a child at the time too #hes not cool for deciding to carry out a lifelong revenge against someone that was as against the wall as he was #like i just dont get what was the point of it all #to rub it in that hes not over lisa after all this time? as if it want already obvious?#and the entire conversion is so awkwardly written #like i dont remember the exact line but when buddy says she knows cause shes a woman #as shown in literally the next post credits scene she doesnt know what a mother is but she has lived the Normal girl experience #honestly being a hater here but it doesnt feel like they would say that #speciallt after how good the rest of the new content is #the campfire conversations are wonderful and all the stuff from painfuls secret boss really fleshes out brad a lot more #Anyways i liked the de stuff but the price hike and the bugs and this really spoils the experience #at least the old version of the game is still there

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skrunksthatwunk · 1 month

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playing dmc1 with my earbuds in (but on low volume bc they're being weird) while my roommate and her shitty bf argue. i feel like i'm recreating the very specific experience of some child of divorce out there

#how do i tell her she needs to break up with him immediately. posthaste.fuck it funny post over rant incoming tw emotional abuse i think #nyarla dni #(<- roomie and nyarla have met and i don't wanna air roomie's drama to ppl who know her w/o her consent. anon internet ppl only)#listen i'm normally for gentle advising and that's probably what i'll do since i don't want to stress her out but oh my fucking god what is #his problem. he's constantly putting her in these weird no-win situations where the only right answer is to never be upset or disagree or b #wrong on accident or be misunderstood by him and to tell him everything she's feeling so she's not 'playing mind games' but if she says wha #she's feeling he'll interrogate her and badger her with the same questions over and over again insisting she's unreasonable until she gives #in and says she's sorry with an attitude he likes. i fucking don't like him. and a lot of this is observations from today. the day after sh #GOT INTO A CAR ACCIDENT AND BROKE HER NECK. WHAT THE FUCK.#it's like he expects to be treated like a king on one of the worst days of her life and when she's upset he's like OH. OH I GET IT.#and lectures her on having attitude and taking things out on others when she's literally not even doing that. not to an extent that matters #anyway. like. there's more productive ways of dealing with that. where you don't treat them like a bad kid for getting overwhelmed #he has made her cry multiple times today. i have been around multiple arguments and fights and he's just genuinely. awful i hate him #hell the first argument i overheard *i* was in tears by the end (luckily they left soon after bc i had to run to the basement laundry #dungeon to bawl my eyes out because 1. i can't handle confrontation 2. i've never seen roomie cry and 3. she just seemed so hurt and tired)#anyway he just left again after a fight because. god this is so dumb. she told him to move while they were sleeping in the same twin bed #(remember she's in a neck brace) and he fucking. left the room for an HOUR bc he thought the only thing that could POSSIBLY mean (as he #insisted) was for him to get out of here and then when she was like oh hey i'm sorry i didn't mean it like that he decided to spend the nex #half hour of his short time on this earth chewing her out for not giving him a lengthy explanation while half-asleep as to like. why he #needed to move (she wanted to grab smth) and apparently he sat in the chair by her bed for like 10 mins before leaving so he probably saw #her fall back asleep. and then he got pissy when after he left she didn't pick up her phone when he was calling her? even though he knew sh #was asleep?? she didn't even know he was gone. fucking. i need to get him away from my roomie YESTERDAY #look. miscommunication happens. i'm not saying he's an asshole for wanting things said clearly. i am pro-saying what you mean.#but if every time your gf tells you what she means you make it into a 30 minute lecture (no matter how small the slight and w/o examining i #you're actually right or not) she's not gonna wanna fucking tell you if she doesn't think it's worth the argument. especially if you never #let her rest until she concedes. apology isn't enough. clarification isn't enough. she has to say how wrong she was and beg and GOD. UGHHH #and he's always on about how she hurts his feelings. a gust of wind could hurt his feelings. he's constantly berating her manipulating her #and then he's like >:( see that hurt my feelings you can't hurt ppl's feelings. you're disrespectful. HE"S THE WORST I FUCKING HATE HIM #look sometimes adversity reveals the truth of a person and this just amplified his shittiness so much. mr OH i slept in a HOSPITAL and it #was so bad... you can't be in a bad mood bc i've been doing the bare minimum and you need to prioritize MY feelings rn. also i won't leave

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jaythelay · 8 months

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It actually makes sense why some people prefer the Leak of HL2's story, atmosphere, characters, music, all around design...

You see, most of the time in games, you just have, you know, the game, but rougher, still figuring stuff out, potentially before a big shift, potentially not. But otherwise they're sculpting the same clay vase.

Valve just threw out the pot while it was still drying, took some pieces of it, put it into a new one.

People reaaaally liked finding the broken pieces in Valve's trashcan and putting it back together, because it's really it's own vase. It's not even completely fair to compare the 2 in any regard, just a lustful "if only" based on entirely incomplete works.

Really what people are saying is they either wish they got to see the Leak's original vision complete, or genuinely find HL2 to feel a bit rushed and weaker in artistic aspects to HL1 and the Leak.

I'd say the primary thing is that, HL2 just doesn't have a feel to it like HL1 or the Leak. It really does feel like they were told they have to throw out a massive chunk of their work and were rushed within a year to get it released.

I don't think there was a disdain for the leak, so much as, Valve was still experimenting, and lost hope in whatever original vision actually forming. It'd been 3 years, it just leaked, let's treat it as a kick in the ass to actually form Any vision before release.

Lemme put it to you this way, Nobody really thinks Half Life's Alpha is any better, the Leak is an Alpha aswell. HL Alpha showed a vision that wasn't AS radically different as the Leaks. It felt closer to a slightly crumpled clay Vase that was later remade much clearer, with more expertise and knowledge than before.

The Leak doesn't feel iterated upon, it feels abandoned, and like there was truly something there, that HL2 just doesn't bother with, it's like all the soul was sucked out just to have something to form. Like an artist mad, just wanting to make something by the end of the day.

#Half-Life 2 #Half-Life #Half-Life 2 Leak #Half-Life Alpha #I never really liked HL2 even as a kid but I will say this #I genuinely think the Xbox port is the best version #for a variety of reasons that include the fact the PC version has been updated mindlessly and poorly and feels genuinely like the worst ver #but the fact is this for HL2 #It was not designed with today's modern experience and player level #if you play HL2 with a controller after not for years you can't bunnyhop trickshot speedrunstrat every section #you actually have to give a shit #it makes the Repeated Stops for Dumbass Dialogue feel far more natural #HL2 was designed not with a controller in mind but the player being nearly incapable of every section #and the fact is at this point it's hardest difficulty ain't shit anymore to me or most players #Half Life on the other hand feels like it was designed the same but allows the player to go at any speed #it has far less moments where you're stopped for dialogue and for the most part that dialogue is necessary #not for replaythroughs but just in general #it is still a bad design choice to stop your player in a game near entirely about not stopping the player #Why do you think people hate the tentacle section #of course it's not the best designed section but being completely halted in progress is such a turn off in HL #HL2 is Filled with this but it's Pointless Dialogue instead #It's harder to criticize that aspect for the Leak because of a variety of reasons #But I speak for all Leak Enjoyers when I say having the game crash and having to choose the next or same level #is not very fun and kind've a waste of time #imagine if that aspect of wasting time was put into the game haha

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drchucktingle · 5 months

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my masks

hey there buckaroos. due to all of the attention the TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION situation has gotten i am going to take a minute to talk about my personal way as an autistic buckaroo. im going to tell you about my masks.

im doing this for a few reasons, some are good FUN reasons full of love and some are not so great.

lets start with the GOOD STUFF. first of all, i am talking about this because speaking on my way can help other buckaroo feel more comfortable speaking on there own way, ESPECIALLY if they are good at ‘passing’ for neurotypical like chuck is.

unfortunately the NOT SO GREAT reasons im talking about all this dang stuff are two fold. reason one: i have been put into a position of having to explain and justify my needs and boundaries by the TXLA. this is not something that i WANT to be taking up all of my time, but when large organizations do not make space for those who they have pledged to support, it puts us smaller buckaroos into position where were have to defend our existence. it is not plesent but it is necessary.

the second NOT SO GREAT reason is that ‘passing’ bisexual and autistic people like myself are ALWAYS just seconds from being gatekept from folks both outside and inside these communities. there will probably be a day on chucks deathbed where i take off my mask and say hello to this timeline (mostly so you can all see how handsome i am under here but I DIGRESS). i KNOW with absolute certainty (the same way other bi and autistic buckaroos are probably nodding along right now) that when that day comes i will STILL be accused of ‘not being real’ and ‘faking’ because i ‘dont look autistic’ and i have a beautiful ladybuck partner in sweet barbara.

ALL THAT IS TO SAY, i am taking a moment today to talk FOR THE RECORD about my neurodigence and my particular needs. hopefully i will not have to keep diving this deep every time an organization takes a discrimantory action against me, but i will also say this: at least it is a good fight on an important battlefield

anyway buds, here is the story of my way on the spectrum

when i was a young buckaroo i knew that my thought process was different. i could socialize easily, which is unique in contrast to many autistic buds (it is a spectrum after all), but my social ease was for an interesting reason. I ALWAYS KNEW WHAT OTHERS WERE ABOUT TO SAY. it was like a strange ‘human game’ where someone would say one thing and i would think ‘well you actually mean something else’ in a sort of logical way (this is why i later related to DATA from star trek so dang much). at first i remember thinking ‘well i am just NOT going to play along with this human game’. i quickly learned neurotypical buckaroos do not like this, that there is a BOB AND WEAVE to social interactions that must be learned.

later i realized ‘actually if i WANT to make friends and prove love is real then i can do this like an expert because i can SEE the game where most cant’. this got chuck many buds and took me on many adventures. please understand, i am not saying these connections are not important to me, they are just different. they are full of love, but i express this in my own unique way.

HOWEVER, while growing up i felt disconnected from this timeline in other ways, like an alien or a reverse twin trotting along in a world that is not quite my own. i did not feel emotions the same way my buds did. they would get upset over the ‘human game’ interactions and i would not be moved at all, HOWEVER i could see the way sunlight hit a window and start crying my dang eyes out over the beauty. so my emotion was still there and VERY STRONG, i just felt it in more existential ways (like hearing the call of the lonesome train). these days that feeling has progressed to where i am pretty much in a constant blissed out state of cosmic emotional connection (make of that last sentence what you will, but it is the truth). when i make existential posts online i am not just FIRING OFF SOME CONTENT, i really mean every word. this is really my trot.

anyway as a young buckaroo these feelings made me worry sometimes. i thought about various mental health dianosises and marked the parts and pieces that matched with myself. am i this? am i that? sometimes, instead of just being’ different’ i worried i might actually be ‘wrong’.

when i saw david byrne on letterman in my younger days i immediately recognized something connected to myself. i thought ‘wow this is the mystery being solved before my very eyes.’ i could hear it in the music of talking heads too. i started doing research and realized that i might be on autism spectrum, something that was later confirmed by a therapist (back then the diagnosis was called asperger's). it was a glorious and fulfilling moment. i was SO EXCITED TO BE AUTISTIC LIKE MY HERO. i felt very cool because of it, and i still feel very cool because of it.

one of the big reasons i talk so much about being autistic these days is because i want to make sure OTHER buckaroos can have that same moment that i did. they can see chuck and think ‘wow i really like this autistic artist, maybe being autistic is cool’

so what does an average day WITHOUT wearing the pink bag look like for me?

my thought process is exactly like ROSE from CAMP DAMASCUS, which is part of why i wrote the book. we have the same stim (complex order of finger taps), we prepare for social interactions the same way, we analyze things in the same logical trot that neurotypical people might think feels ‘detached’ but for me feels natural (certain reviews of camp damascus are very funny to me in this way. you can tell when a reader is just very confused by existing in an autistic brain for 250 pages.)

from the outside you would not be able to tell that i am on the spectrum. in fact you would probably find me very socially adept.

the problem is, all of that masking can take its toll. i spent years trotting in and out the emergency room, talking to confused doctors who could not figure out the chronic phantom tension and pain that radiated through my body. i eventually accepted the fact that i would either live a life constantly on heavy painkillers or just stop living altogether.

eventually, however, i started noticing a correlation between the way that i felt, and the space that i allowed for chuck and the pink mask. i was exercising that tension, allowing my mental mask of neurotypical existence to take a rest. i started practicing physical therapy and this time THE RESULTS STUCK because i was approaching from two sides, MIND AND BODY. after a while, i got my pain down to about 5 percent of what it once was. i still have flare ups in times of stress, but the healing has been very real and life changing.

lets get VERY specific now. if i attended the TXLA confrence without a mask and gave my talk i can tell you this: i would do a dang good job. i can work the heck out of a crowd and (not to reveal too much about my secret way) I HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO DO THIS ON OCCASION VERY WELL. however, going home from this event i would very likely be in pain. i would likely need to do physical therapy. i would likely need to stim for a while. i would NOT be emotionally fullfilled in the same way. in other words, without my pink mask i can charm the heck out of buckaroos, but THE SPACE OF CHUCK TINGLE IS NOT THE SPACE FOR THAT. the pink bag is a place for me to not have to put up with that tension. it is a place for me to unmask mentally by masking physically.

this pink bag space SAVED MY LIFE and i am not going to risk blurring these lines. if and when that ever happens it will be MY decision, not someone elses. that is my boundary. the part of me that neurotypically masks could handle a library conference in a purely technical sense, but the part of me that chuck represents absolutely cannot and should not be asked to do that without the pink bag. unfortunately, the complexity of this point makes it even MORE difficult for me to think about and takes up even more of my time, because it forces me to START QUESTIONING MYSELF and my own needs. to be honest, that is the most insidious part of other people questioning your identify and refusing to accept your accommodation needs without ‘proof’.

the thing is, while all of this discussion of disability and accessibility is important, i have a much larger point to make by writing these words.

a conference should not uninvite someone with an unusual physical presentation or a strange way of speaking REGARDLESS of it being classified as a disability. it does not matter WHY i look the way that i look and wear what i wear. i should not have to spend all day writing this post instead of writing my next book, just because my sensibilities are unique and my presentation is unusual.

fortunately the solution is very simple: let other people be themselves. its not hurting you to simply accept and nod at the buckaroos you think look strange. let us exist

#actually autistic #chuck tingle #tingleverse #buckaroo lifestyle

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