#but come back be here was a close second
Note
Regarding the ask with starstruck’s star spears and Galacta,I’m guessing they have some sort of beef? Maybe they’ve met in the past?
[x] i'm not sure if i'd call it beef so much as the whole entire herd of cattle
#my art#asks#starstruck dee#galacta knight#🎀🔍#hydrogen bomb vs coughing baby real.#everyone made so many great guesses on that post!!! i absolutely adored reading everyone's thoughts and theories!#thank you thank you thank you!! it was so fun!! waaa!!! <3#we got close enough to the answer that i was looking for this time; which was “mimicry”#and with some bonus additional comments on his proximity in every image where the Star Spears appeared. which was great spotting!!#so here's this piece as promised!#it's not the *only* answer though.#sorry that this one is sooooo sketchy. i adore this composition though so i will do my very best to come back to it some time in future#lyrics from sea of voices by porter robinson which was actually sent in for starstruck!! hope you'll enjoy this lunala8368!#it was the second best!! i could not put the original lyrics that belong there for... Reasons. maybe if this gets redone sometime!
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I made myself teary-eyed thinking about K and I slow dancing to Elvis music ;-; and how the world is cruel and unforgiving but when we are in each other’s arms we are safe and loved and wanted and cared for and the ache of isolation doesn’t hurt as much because we have each other and and and
#I am on my phone at work so I can’t add my ship tag. wah.#but I associate him with so many Elvis songs because of that split second Elvis is singing can’t help falling in love with you#the scene. w/e you know the one#which is what my ship tag is named after!!!#i just have come to associate so many 60s and 70s love songs with him now bc of that#anyway listening to Love Me Tender and thinking of him holding me close and finding gentle comfort in each other when we are so deeply#hurting.#got me feeling some kind of way#i have to act like I’m not sniffling and weeping while unloading huge trucks#huge black unmarked truck cars as Ken would call them#thank god it’s Sunday it’s always slow on Sundays#let me yearn and weep in pieces. i mean peace. no I mean pieces I’m in shambles here#love notes#when I get internet back I need to remember to add my ship tag to this post#I like keeping everything organized
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eddie does not have an easy relationship with the concept of love.
his mother told him she loved him, but then she left.
his father used his love as a weapon; sharp and barbed and entirely conditional.
the first boy eddie had ever loved, took advantage of it. strung eddie along with flirty glances and lingering touches and those three little words whispered into eddie's ear, hot and dirty, and just the necessary push to get eddie to fall into bed with him. when eddie woke the next morning he was alone. he never saw that boy again.
falling into a relationship with steve harrington is almost too good to be true. eddie pinches himself over it often, wondering whether this is all some sort of elaborate dream his overactive imagination has come up with, wondering when he'll wake up from it. but a month ticks by. then two, then three, then they're coming up on six. and seven. and eight.
and then steve tells eddie that he loves him.
and, oh, it frightens eddie. scares him so deeply because... because he loves steve too. so much that it overwhelms him. he's never felt so strongly for someone before, and he doesn't know what to do with all of the feelings.
he wants to lay himself bare for steve like that, but every single person that has held his beating heart between their hands has dug their fingers into it and made it bleed. has torn it to pieces and left it ruined, a mess of mangled muscle and viscera, bloody and raw and smeared across the cold, hard floor.
so, when steve tells eddie that he loves him, he does what he knows how to do best.
he runs.
#steddie#steve harrington#eddie munson#stranger things#was feeling particularly ANGSTY today folks#thinkin about eddie panicking when steve tells him he loves him bc everyone who says those words to eddie either doesnt mean them or leaves#thinkin about steve and how HURT he would be bc hes had such a hard time opening his heart since nancy broke it#and he finally has let someone in finally let someone get that close to him and the second he shares his love they leave him too#and that HURTS#thinkin about eddie and steve coming back together and learning how to be vulnerable with each other#learning how to rely on the trust that theyve built between them to know that theyre here for the long haul theyre not leaving#thinkin about eddie and steve finally getting to a place where they dont have to be scared anymore#(oh also eddie ofc comes back to steve and explains and he's able to tell him that he loves him back and its scary but its also beautiful)#mack writes#macks ficlets
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maybe it does take him until he’s 24 in an apartment but i think that bkg katsuki would eventually go from the point where he likes affection from kirishima all well and fine to the point where he can ask for it and be all clingy himself
#the backstory here is that i'm stuck in my apartment with covid for a couple more days and i'm completely lost in the sauce thinking#abt krbk's wedding#so i'm throwing myself into this old wip!!#it's pretty close to completion honestly so i feel like..maybe you'll see it sometime this week#if i can keep throwing myself into it#idk if anyone's still around who remembers but i actually shared this specific bit for beta-ing a long time ago#back then i got so much super nice feedback about it ;-; and i never got around to finishing the second half of the piece so it never#actually surfaced#but now enough time has passed that the conversation i had written before kinda doesn't fit my idea of krbk anymore#it's interesting i really hadn't touched it in so long that i had no idea i'd feel that way#and i appreciated the warm response so so much back then it kinda surprised me i didn't like it anymore#but in like...a nice fun way#like now i'm really excited to revamp the scene and think abt what krbk means to me now#and like what a 24 year old long term couple looks like to me now versus when i was 18 years old#i'm so excited writing this i love krbk so much and i love that they get to be in love#so hopefully i'll be back w more updates soon!!!#thoughts#prev#may be more additions to this thread coming
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I like him a normal amount (lying) (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Helix#Max Vyer#Dexter Favin#Was I about to type ''Helix Mainfic'' in reference to these wh - I mean Technically but???#Anyway lol#Couple'a random Max's to start <3 Love him#So some of these were made with my .5 and some with my .3 - can you guess which ones? :3#The first one and the last two (and of me lol) were my .5 - the inner three are .3 ♪#You know it's gotten bad when it's not even an Idea necessarily just Want To Draw Pretty - I'm familiar with that pft#He's pretty tho! Love Max ♥#Man if Max's snap had come in the form of Fight rather than Flight - he's a twig but I doubt Anyone would've come out of that unscathed#Anger can make a monster out of almost anybody haha#Pretty boy ♥ My .3 is so fun for soft detailing! And Max is pretty much all soft details lol#Cryings ah </3 Dexter's mention of Max's emotions in his meetup with ZEX got me thinking!#Sadness really does trend low on the emotions he's willing to express in company - even when Dex has seen him cry before - like here#It was out of anger so much more than sadness - no wonder he was spooked by ZEX's sudden grief! Max is fairly private with sadness#Or at least he turns it into anger if he's backed into a corner - drinking by himself and making things harder for everyone else haha#And finally his and Dex's difference in the retelling of the story!! Hehe ♪♫#Since I first read Helix I've been under the impression that what Max told Katherine was - well - how he described it lol#A kind of self-deprecating joke at his own expense - thus his confusion at her reaction of seeming hurt#But that's not what he said at all! That's not even close to how he told it!! Hahaha ♪ Biased narration <3#I even got a second opinion and we shared the same interpretation so it wasn't just a matter of failing to pick up his meaning hehehe Max!#He's so rude ♥ Terrible man ♪ He's the worst <3
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Acab obviously but I’m literally such a cop when it comes to certain traffic violations like I’m always coming on here afterwards to complain like
#anyway driving with your brights on switching lanes without signaling driving drunk or texting and tailgating (having a gap of less than 3 s#*3 seconds between you and the car infront if you 4 if you’re going fast) are all death sentence crimes to me#anyway so coming back to work at night and I’m going down the highway at like 85 which like yeah. 30 miles above the speed limit but on the#occasions thay I go thay fast I only do it when there’s very little traffic and I know I can maintain 10seconda between me and the cat in fr#front#and I can see several hundred yards infront of me#so anyway 85 mph so like what business do you have tailgating me so close that I CANT EVEN SEE YOUR LIGHTS IN MY REARVIEW MIRROR??#ARE YOU STUPID???#so anyway I drop to the speed limit because 1) safety and 2) I love watching them get visibly pissed off#like you have no right to be pissed off#so cry and scream and wail all you want I’m not gonna go any faster#so I go down to the speed limit and this guy has the AUDACITY to blast his brights at me#as if I’m the one in the wrong here. please#also jokes on you if you were trying to blind me because yours soo close I can’t even see leds you’re trying to fry me with#die mad about it#.txt
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so. i just nearly died.
#shut up j#bugs & insect cw ahead#real. like actually real.#I was in the bath ok.#minding my business. consuming content. as a bitch does.#out the corner of my eye i thought I saw something flying but i checked and there was nothing so I just went back to watching this video#literally 30 seconds later. BIGGEST. MOTHERFUCKING. DADDY LONG LEGS. IVE EVER SEEN. flies around the shower curtain#the scream i scrumpt. was so loud. my mother ran upstairs thinking I was being murdered or some shit.#she bursts into the bathroom like WHATS GOING ON and I’m like THERES A DDL and she looks like she wants to kill#me herself.#valid honestly but [redacted] please some of us have phobias ANYWAY#so she’s like where tf is it and I looked up and I could see it on the window so I’m like right there GEDDIT. so she did.#I saw it fall out the window and we closed the window and everything was fine#I go BACK to my bath expecting peace#these fuckers said peace who I’m here to ruin your night because about 15 minutes later GUESS WHAT#ANOTHER ONE COMES ROUND THE SHOWER CURTAIN#I SQUEALED AGAIN BECAUSE OF COURSE I DID?????#and I stood up because it LANDED. ON. ME. so I’m trying to get it off and I’m gen about to start crying#and then it started flying towards me again so I screamed Again and stumbled and FELL. I FELL.#IN THE BATH. FUCKIN. WATER SPLASHES EVERYWHERE. IM STILL HYSTERICAL.#mum comes in AGAIN and is like BITCH. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU. and I’m like THERES ANOTHER FUCKING—#and she’s more worried about her mf bathroom because the floor is like. to be fair. there is not a dry inch of floor. BUT HELLO???#let’s think about ME?????#so we got rid of the other one and the anticlimactic ending is that I washed my hair and am now sat in my bedroom with a sore throat#but Jesus fucking Christ#HAPPY AUTUMN I GUESS. DAMN. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#I need to sleep for 5 years
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I've had some time to collect my thoughts after a couple of days so here they are even though nobody asked.
I really loved the finale. It was devestating, no doubt, but I think this is their best one yet and I absolutely loved how they handled it. There was so much grieving in this episode, not just from Carlos, but from Owen and Judd as well. But despite everything they chose happiness and the wedding ending up being beautiful and bittersweet and joyful all at once.
There has been the question of deleted scenes but there's really only one we've seen so far that I would have loved to see in the episode. Other than that, I'm just glad we get to have them all as extras. I don't think the wedding needed them though.
Another thing I'd like to add is that yes, sometimes storylines can feel rushed in shows where you have a lot of characters and especially if there are clear favorites within a fandom. There was a lot going on, but that doesn't necessarily mean any one character's storyline is less valuable than another's. I guess I'm speaking as less of a fandom member and just more as an enjoyer of the show if that makes any sense. I love all of the characters in this show, and while I would be lying if I said I liked every single storyline, that doesn't mean I wish they didn't happen. In this case, however, I loved all of the storylines and I think they all made sense together given the theme of this episode. I personally don't think any of them shouldn't have been there in favor of getting more wedding content.
Honestly, my only regret is not getting off of tumblr as soon as the final bts stuff started coming out. I'm pretty bad when it comes to guessing things so if I hadn't been aware of the theories I literally would have had no idea and it would have hit me so much harder. It still got me pretty good though.
Again these are just my opinions so feel free to ignore everything I say if you didn't feel the same. I'm happy though, and I'm going to continue being incredibly annoying about this show. ♡
#I'll just touch on this in the tags cayse more people have put this a lot more eloquently than I could#but in terms of the decision to kill of gabriel I know a lot of people feared two things#1) it was too close to the wedding 2) potential future storylines would take a hit#and if it had happened any other way I would have agreed with the second one#but the fact that we got that scene between him and carlos was really important#and they way it happened really opens the door for revisting this in the future#I would honestly be really surprised if they don't come back to this mystery because there's a lot of potential there#and speaking of potential I think we reallly started to see so much more of carlos and a side of his character that we've never seen before#him dealing with his grief and in the end chosing to allow himself to have his wedding#that moment between him and owen#I loved all of it and I know in shows like this it can feel like characters start to get stagnant but this is definitely not the case here#not just carlos but everyone else had moments this season that just showed us so much more of them#and it makes me excited for their character development and what future storylines will hold#anyway I think those are all of my thoughts#if you're going to say anything please be nice I don't really do well with negativity#I usually stay out of fandoms for actively airing shows because discourse isn't great for my mental health#but since y'all are like 90% lost shameless mutuals and 10% bots I feel safe enough to share my opinions publicly lmao#har rambles#911 lone star#text
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losing something you once had feels so much worse iv learned then realising youll never get something you never had
#this isnt true im just not in the middle of the second one anymore but its just. such a new sudden pain#what do you do when you lose a close connection with someone that used to tell you you made every day of their life better#and that theyd do anything to keep you in their life just a few months ago?#how you deal with the pain of the person youd go to to laugh with and cry to being gone?#i dont know. i dont other than to just. try to make sure im still here tomorrow and do the same the day after#its jsut so sudden. three years gone in less than a week i cant bear it. and i can still talk to them and i want it that way#and like. just just just i hope so deeply that one day we will be able to rebuild a relationship again#but thats dependant on them not on me. and i know if that day does come its at the several least months away#its not even their fault i know what theyre going through has to be awful too. i just dont know what it is and it feels so sudden for me#idk. what do you do when you lose the person you wanted to learn how to drive you could drive to meet them irl one day#before youve even started lessons? other than cry to olivia rodrigo ig but i was listening to olivia rodrgo without crying on friday#can i go back to that please? can i go back to before this fell apart becuase it did so quickly and i dont know how#vent#flappy rambles
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Had a bad day at work yesterday
#honestly first half was so good#I was in a really good mood we were all chatting#it was a manageable busy I was happy#and I was training a new person#theres this team lead and when regular chatting she’s really nice but when it comes to anything work related she’s horrible#one of my favorite coworkers quit because of her#idk she’s like extra ‘bossy’ like we Have to constantly be doing something. not waste a second.#she acts like she knows better than me SHE EXPLAINS TO ME HOW TO DO SHIT LIKE I DONT KNOW HOW TO DO MY JOB AS IF I HAVENT BEEN HERE#TEN TIMES LONGER THAN HER#the day took a turn for the worse when she said ‘we’re gonna need ice.’ I was waiting at a register with new girl cause customers were#literally walking in and approaching and she raised her voice at us basically yelling at us to go get ice. like what#that triggered me and blahblahblah a few tiny annoyances later I’m in the back having a panic attack. and the manager catches me at first#told me off for not being in the front to help with the line but when she noticed I was crying she let me have a minute to calm down#then closing I had to do dishes. I’m always slow at them I warned everyone. but I was in a really bad mood at that point#I rushed them. I did a meh job I skipped steps I cut my finger I wasn’t being slow I was soaking wet I did them as fast as I possibly could#cause I was so done. we have two freezers in the back I have all the wet dishes on one and I’m dying them on the other. team lead comes to#the back says I’m the last one cleaning. we need to get overran from that freezer for the front. I ask if they can get it when I’m done#(literally like four things left to dry) she says no she has to clock out at midnight and basically started going off on me and my coworker#about how basically were doing a bad job cause we’re supposed to be Done by 11:30??? so we’re late and now it’s affecting her and it’s our#fault??#WE ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE DONE BY 11:30 NONE OF THE MANAGERS EXPECT US TO BE DONE BY THEN YES WE ARE SCHEDULED TO THEN BUT ITS BASICALLY#IMPOSSIBLE TO BE DONE BY THEN IVE BEEN HERE NEARLY A YEAR AND IVE GOTTEN OUT BEFORE MIDNIGHT MAYBE TWICE.#I DID THOSE DISHES AS FAST AS I POSSIBLY COULD#she is a grown ass adult talking to teens like this. we all also had school that day we were tired#and honestly we were so fucking fast that night. nearly done and not even midnight? damn. she clocked out and left before we finished#I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt cause she was nice when having a normal chat but no she’s a jackass#made me cry twice yesterday#I’m so close to messaging the old coworker who quit because of her about this cause she’s also older. she was like the mom of the theater#she loves us and if she heart team lead was making me cry she would come in and tell her tf off#I’m not good at confrontation. I just grabbed the shit and put it out front and paced around a lot. felt like shit.
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The Great Notes App Exodus: Gothic Dragons
Gotham has always been protected by a Dragon, even before it was ever Gotham.
There was a way about the land Gotham stood upon, that was all twisted magics and darkness and feral energy that never quite fit in man’s modern world. America had but one Guardian Dragon - except for Gotham, which was near a law and country unto itself.
Gotham was a sanctuary for the supernatural, but it was not kind. Those non-humans who risked its dark streets were the brave, or the foolish, or the terribly desperate. Gotham was a dark city, and it’s people adapted or were driven out.
(But should a threat ever come for her, all of Gotham would rise up in response.)
So Gotham had its own Guardian, but the Dragon guarded the world outside from Gotham’s brutality just as much as it shielded Gotham from those that would rend her apart.
But, of course, Dragons were only so many, and new blood must be brought in - human blood, as it often was, and so the trend of Dragon blood “skipping” a generation emerged.
And the bloodline of the Guardian Dragons of Gotham withered, bit by bit, because it is far easier to kill a human of dragon blood than it is to kill a Dragon of human descent.
(And Bruce Wayne has never hated this truth of the world more - because his parents had been Skipped, human, and if they had been dragons, they’d still be there with him.
But they weren’t.
It was just Bruce, a fledgling Dragon, and the butler left to care for him.)
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Although Gotham had only ever had one Guardian Dragon, it had at one time had a whole lineage of Dragons capable of taking up the mantle. As the Dragons intermarried, however, more and more lines broke off with human kin, occasionally producing dragons.
But the Guardian Line had been reduced to one untrained hatchling. And that hatchling didn’t much care if it was a Dragon or a dragon that was Guardian of the city, just that there was someone to Guard it.
The problem is, of course, that the hatchling needs training - but he cannot get that in Gotham.
So he leaves.
He comes back ready to pull his city back from the brink, by force if (when) necessary.
Here’s the thing - Bruce is no Dragon, because for all that he is the last of the Guardian line he doesn’t adhere to the rules of that duty.
A Guardian’s duty is to the supernatural beings they protect.
Bruce has already decided that that is not enough. Human or Magical Being, if no one else will step in, then he will.
Bruce might have been the Gotham Dragon, but that didn’t mean he was the only dragon in the city.
The thing about dragon blood is that it tended to turn up dragons unexpectedly in families that had been mostly human. A dragon ancestor could have human children, and their children have human children, and then a dragon. It was a recessive trait when introduced into human bloodlines, and especially if it was paired with yet more human lines, but it also was tellingly stubborn - a human may only have a single draconian ancestor hundreds of years back, but they could still unexpectedly turn up a dragon hatchling.
It was just sheer dumb luck that a bunch of said unexpected hatchlings turned up within the span of the same generation.
#The Great Notes App Exodus#graphite writes#american dragon was a show I held close to my heart the entire first season#and then they changed the art style and I Literally Could Not watch it#But the concept is so cool and I love dragons so here it is transplanted onto the batfam <3#I also considered a version where the rest of the batfam are all different mythical creatures or even just human#Dick would be a water-based siren because I love the thought of him longing for the sky like his bird-siren ancestors#the thought is that you have three variations of sirens: the nymph-like sirens who are the oldest and rarest version#The bird-based sirens who came after Demeter charged them with finding Persephone#And the most prevalent water-based sirens from when they threw themselves into the sea when they couldn’t lure in Odysseus or w/e#So ever since sirens long for the skies and it’s all very tragic <3#Jason would be a werewolf because I adore the image of this tiny floppy puppy coming back as this two-metre tall feral behemoth of a beast#and Tim as always gave me trouble so I decided he got turned into a vampire while wandering the streets alone one night with his camera#Babs had latent naga blood that activated when she lost the use of her legs so now if she wants she can spawn a snake tail instead#she can’t go out like that obvi but it’s nice being able to get around regardless of her injury#Cass is human because I thought it was funny that the most dangerous batfam member was the only one who wasn’t a mythical being <3#Fuck knows about Steph tho#Some kinda vocal mimic maybe??#Something subtle so that she seems human at first (and second) (and third) glance#It doesn’t help that her personality is so loud since it tends to distract people from any of her Otherness
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[ID: a manga panel from Bungou Stray Dogs. it shows the bottom of Dazai's face as he faces left, towards a microphone in the bottom left corner. he is frowning, his mouth slightly open. there is a dialogue bubble with an ellipses in it. /end ID.]
ohhhhh i'm killing myself for real for real. i can't take it anymore someone LET ME OUT
#bsd spoilers#bsd manga spoilers#tw suicide mention#i only vaguely knew what was coming here but GOD this hurt SO MUCH WORSE THAN I ANTICIPATED#he got so close to being the most honest he's been for a split second and then PULLED BACK#BECAUSE HE'S A COWARD#and i don't mean that in a 'he should have said more way'#i mean that in a. 'that was an incredibly in-character thing for him to do' way#of course he pulled back before he could say anything true of any value. because he acts like he's a god but he's SCARED#he can't let himself show that he loves others#this is why realistically every dazai ship is fated to go up in flames. this man will never be happy#and it's entirely his own doing#grace reads bsd
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pray for me, as i have spotted a mouse prancing around my living room two days ago, and i am now about to sit in said living room for the first time since then.
#to be clear i immediately called an exterminator and he came by and told me where they are coming from and how they travel#and that the only place they have been is in my kitchen cabinet and living room#traveling behind the heating system or whatever the fuck#no signs of them having been anywhere else in the house which i figured cause i havent noticed anyhing in my bedroom thank god#or else i would for sure not be sleeping here until it has been taken care of#he put some stuff in the kitchen cabinet in the hopes that the mice will eat it#and in 4 (!!!) weeks he will come back to check and close the holes#where they are now coming through#cause they are smart fuckers and can make new holes if he would have closed them up right away#anyways everybody has been acting like im crazy for being upset about this and not wanting to sit in my living room but like???#i am not scared of them in the sense that i think they will hurt me but first of all they can carry deseases and second of all#i do not want them in my house that does not sound like a strange thing to me?? but okay#i am. stalling dhghd but. at first i said i will just live in my bedroom for a month#and uhh day two and i already feel like that is not a doable plan lmfao#so. here goes.
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you ever find a song that you can so perfectly imagine your character's happy ending to??? bc i found kaiya's and i'm not okaY
#it's called remember not to forget by audiomachine and i'm AAAHHHHH#like imagine kaiya either after having become human again or not -- bc she's capable of being happy either way#it all comes down to her accepting and forgiving herself and finally taking the time to grieve her father and the life she lost#so imagine she works through all of that and she even works through losing sei despite being so close to him#that's her older brother figure okay ;;;; and she loses him in that final fight or after bc i haven't decided but it's what he wants#he wants to be with his family after living for so so long#and kaiya finds a bit of comfort in that#and so she's alive!! she's happy!! she's living as her loved ones wished her to!! and one day she sees this lil boy#and he looks an awful lot like sei :' ))))) and when his mom calls him he goes running back to a lady with a lil baby girl in her arms#AND LISTEN YOU HAVE TO HAVE READ ABOUT SEI TO KNOW THIS BUT HE HAD A LIL SISTER#SO BASICALLY KAIYA THINKS SHE SEES A REINCARNATED SEI GETTING A SECOND CHANCE TO BE A BIG BROTHER AND KEEP HIS LIL SISTER SAFE ;;;;;;;;;;;;#is that a lil cliché YEAH AND THAT'S HOW I LIKE IT BC IT MAKES MY HEART FEEL GOOD#anyway i'm here to write a lil bit after screaming my head off going through some mines in resident evil B)#get ready to ramble | ooc#if y'all actually take the time to read my long frikkin tags you really are the best and i appreciate you <3
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grief is a really strange thing, isn’t it. like. i’ve spent the past two years grieving the death of someone only to find out that they aren’t dead, but they aren’t alive either. i don’t know if it’s possible to grieve something that has never existed at all, because grief naturally proceeds from betrayal but is it even possible to feel betrayed by something when what betrayed you isn’t there? how far can we conceptualize the abstract, and even love it, without finding yourself slipping away from what reality truly is? i only know grief as this angry, lasting piece of my life that even the possibility that i’m grieving in a way that feels like relief is strange. because you would think that it is reversed, that relief is what you seek out when you are in the process of grief, but i don’t think that is what i’m feeling right now. there is a weight that has been on my chest for two years that has been lifted, and with that, i am forever mourning.
#nightmare.personal#don't reblog#sorry that this is really existential and philosophical. in my defense i just found out the most life shattering piece of information#and yet my life hasn't shattered it just mended itself#everything has been recontextualized in ways i don't understand but in some strange sense that feels like closure#i am writing the retrospective to a chapter that has already closed in a book that has already been published#and when i take a step back and look at everything that this now means i can't help but laugh at how ridiculously small we all are#and for once i think i am selfless because i have been selfish for far too long#but in this moment? what matters isn't the people who i have lost but the person that has survived#and the answers they have given me come second to the fact that they were here to give it in the first place
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my fire opal converse arrived i’m screaming
#/hyperbole but the color is so perfect#i spent around twenty seconds screaming in a bad way because of how friggin white they are it scares me#like i don’t want to ruin them. i have owned two pairs of not-hand-me-down sneakers in my life and this is one of them#and so then i felt like a terrible person for doing purchases and wanting things and not just sticking with my old hand me down red converse#which are too small for me now and literally stained with blood. and also mud but the blood is the problem part#anyway mal blum voice oh my god look at all the stuff you got does it make your loneliness more bearable#but genuinely it kind of does. they’re my exact color it’s ridiculous guys. like it’s the color of my walls exactly#and they will make me taller so i can actually see at concerts and in the school hallway. and i’ll keep them forever#(this was an early christmas present from me to myself i put a bunch of tip money on my debit card and bought myself the shoes i’ve wanted)#they are custom because the color doesn’t come in regular converse you have to get a custom fall colors pair so i did#and so they’re lift platforms with a gold star logo patch and stripey gold and white laces it’s really cool#anyway they were supposed to arrive in time for the happy fits concert and they didn’t. but the concert didnt even happen for me so whatever#good news!!!! daisy the great is coming back this april on their first headlining tour it’s gonna be so cool#no news on the happy fits and i really want to see them and also meet them but they did say something about how they can’t wait to be back#so i hope that comes sooner rather than later and that i’m still minneapolis-adjacent enough to go#or i guess i might have to go to a show in chicago!! we grow and change with the times#anyway i’m kind of disjointed cause i woke up recently and also have been in an anxious spiral for like a week but we’re managing great#playing sudoku and being parented by my dad which means: sitting alone in my room with the door closed for hours on end#so i’m here if anybody needs me!! usually dad parenting comes with caring for my sister but she has gymnastics today so i’m like. here#anyway yeah i have these bright red-orange converse with gold on them and i’m gonna cry#i’ll post a picture soon if i’m feeling up to it they’re really exciting like almost enough to fix me#like it’s literally my color. it’s the color that i am. i’m going slightly insane about this (is insane already)#and i painted my electric guitar with nail polish so now the tuning pegs are sparkly red and it’s just a good time for the arthur community#period-induced paranoia that i thought i was done with put aside. and general anxiety put aside. the arthur community is doing great#do y’all remember mononokay by sorority noise? the arthurcore song? it still is. i’m listening to it rn and it still is#anyway idk what to say. i’m here and things are weird but i’m going back to school on monday and it won’t be as weird anymore. i hope#and i cleaned my room like actually deep cleaned it and it’s fixed now. my room is actually good now. how did that happen#anyway i want to go home but i am home. i should also eat breakfast. yeah. so i will do that now. yep#me. my post. mine.#friends only
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