#but also who cares
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i will never forgive avengers: endgame for not showing us Rocket reuniting with all of the other guardians. so what if that was “the final battle of the entire infinity saga” and there’s “other characters”. I literally do not care. the guardians of the galaxy are the most important ones and Rocket lost his whole family and i wanted to see him finally get his family back
#/hj but still#yeah there were a lot of other things going on#but also who cares#my guardians are my top priority in every movie they’re in#someone has to look out for them and care about them#and that people is me#rocket raccoon#peter quill#mantis#nebula#groot#drax#guardians of the galaxy#avengers endgame#guardians >>> avengers#endgame#gotg#avengers: endgame
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Going into my filtered tags to attempt to block the conversation of Lloyds age only to find that I’ve already tried before… when will i be free from these chains
#my brain is freaking jello and mud over this#he is like late 20s to 30 to me and was 18 at least by s11#but also who cares#do whatever you want forever but dont be Weird about it#ikykyk#if you find it weird that people hc lloyd to be 16 years old during DR and you hc him yo be 25 jus’ block em#and vice versa#as someone who used to get really riled up in this discussion#it can’t be this serious dawg#not for me anyway#i choose freedom#Posts that might just self destruct
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Funny to me how for most people it's a LOTR->Linguistics pipeline but for me it was a linguistics->LOTR pipeline. I never really had an interest in reading Lord of the Rings because the whole thing used to struck me as very boring and I didn't really care but from ages 12-14 I was really getting into fantasy worldbuilding and conlanging "formally" (I did do that kind of stuff before that, but I didn't know it had a name or that there were comunities formed around it) and I said "Look if I am going to be a nerd about this I am going to be a full nerd about this I can't go around life calling myself a Fantasy Nerd™ when all I know about LOTR is that there is a fucked up goblin guy and Legolas has a bow" so I decided to bought the Fellowship of the Ring book in the bookstore because I am autistic and I have a hard time engaging with material I am unfamiliar with so I just picked the safest option and then I read it in a weekend. I came home, I sat down to read, and from the very start I was invested. Because Tolkien had THE BALLS to open his book with an extensive infodump about Hobbit culture and I was so into that. And the chapters in the Shire, they were a genuine delight for me. I thought the book would be boring but it was fun! It was funny! And hobbit culture felt so alive...
And when the final chapter of the Fellowship came I almost cried. Rightly, it was at that moment I realized that this was going to be a life-changing experience whether I like it or not.
Since I didn't have the rest of the books back then (and I wasn't really able to get them for reasons I don't remember) I did the most autistic thing: Right after finishing it, I decided to read it again, because I was that obsessed. I made so much silly cringy art of the characters as I imagined them and it was all I could think about in school. When I finally got my hands to The Two Towers and The Return of the King I decided to refresh my memory by reading Fellowship AGAIN and because it was summer I had the luxury to just sit down and read all day long and it was great.
I went into the books as blind as you could possibly go: I knew there were conlangs and lore, I knew there were elves, I knew the protagonist was named Frodo and the plot was about destroying a ring (there is also a being that calls the ring precious because its like a drug? Idk). But not much else. I didn't know Boromir was going to die. I didn't know about Galadriel or Elrond or Aragorn or Sam. Yes, I didn't know that Sam was a character. I was genuinely surprised at each turn the plot was taking. I was surprised about how GAY it all was (why didn't they tell me about this??) and I was absolutely shaken and emotionally destroyed with the ending. The Return of the King was an awakening of sorts for me, because I was expecting a whimsical fantasy story and instead I got to see The Horrors and I just couldn't believe the comic relief characters were dealing with suicidal ideation, out of all things.
And the last bit of Frodo's journey... Well, the scene in the tower of Cirith Ungol was genuinely rough (when Sam found Frodo, he was naked. And I just closed the book and stared into the ceiling for a while. I just had to take a break real fast) and the struggle with the ring as they got closer to Mordor and I was constantly almost-crying-but-not-quite and I knew, even though I went into the story un-spoiled, I knew Frodo wouldn't give up the ring. And then having him deal with the aftermath of it, and I was so distressed the whole time because finally, someone out there gets it. He sailed off to the west and I cried. I actually cried, right after finishing the book, yes, but for a few nights after as well. It was, well, a lot to process for 14 year old me. It had me looking up the diagnostic criteria of PTSD on Google at three in the morning because this can't be right. It wasn't that bad, surely I'm just being dramatic.
And it is very funny, that I was getting into the books expecting extensive sections of infodumping and lore and LINGUISTICS and I did get that, don't get me wrong, but I also got an emotionally resonant story that complelty re-contextuslized my lived experiences, helped me process stuff I had been shoving down the back of my mind because I didn't have the words to even describe it to myself, and lowkey turned me into a transgender anarchist. I was a changed man (just now fully aware that I was a man in the first place). It blew me away completely.
And it also reinforced my interest in linguistics! I often joke about this, but as a kid, I used to read the dictionary instead of paying attention in class. I liked words. Like, a lot. I liked the way words interacted with each other. I was like 9, perhaps, when I first attempted to create a made-up language, for a race of fictional mermaid race. I was really into My Little Pony at the time and I stole a lot of the story from there (don't forget I was nine) and my attempt at conlanging utterly failed, but still. LOTR felt pretty much tailored to me, when I finally gave it a shot. My favorite appendix was, of course, the one dealing with translation. If I was mildly interested in linguistics before this sent me down a rabbithole. I did my whole final school project for graduating on minority languages of Europe (though, due to the pandemic, I never finished it, which is a shame). I picked the literature course in high-school over the fine arts course because they had a morphology and etymology class. I named myself Beren, for fuck's sake, and I've been going by this name in real life for two and a half years by now. That's how important it was.
I really can't overstate how much this silly little book with silly little fairy people influenced my life. It's. Well, it's cringy, it's awfully, awfully cringy, embarrassing, mortifying. Isn't it funny, that we are shamed and made fun of for loving things so unapologetically? For genuinely connecting with art? Even though that's like, the whole point?
I just want to say. This is important to me. This means a lot to me. I keep talking about it but I can't help myself because it's hilarious. I went into this book out of a sense of responsibility and it completely changed my life.
This post wasn't meant to be this long. Uh. Sorry. I just wanted to make a silly joke about "Tolkien fan goes on to study formal linguistics, but it's not for the reason you think" but it turned into this whole personal rant. This is like a tendency of mine, no I don't know how to stop it. I'm sorry if this is in your dash lmao
#personal#naru speaks#lotr#JIRT WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YOU OLD BRITISH MAN OUT OF ALL PEOPLE#but also not lotr#meta#ish..?#rolling around in the ground#not to subscribe to the mortifying of being sincere online#And expose myself#But also who cares
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debating making a rancher james playlist
#hmmm#its just embarrassing because like my irls can see it#but also who cares#james hetfield#papa het#bub’s thoughts
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i wish people spam liked on twitter .. what's so scary about liking a post from yesterday or last week
#internet panic in regards to giving attention to past things is so strange#like i Get it ive been stuck in this weird mindset too#but also who cares#dino wont shut up
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trying to come up with unpop opinions for my unpop swiftie opinions poll and i’m coming up short >:( damn i really am a swiftie for real
#i have a couple i'm debating adding bc i'm scared ppl will be mean to me tho#but also who cares#vi is typing...
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is it possible to have pda for yourself???
#something something don't trust feelings when you lack sleep#but also who cares#it's no longer just these feelings are real#it's. too reality frayed#can't language.#but something like. it's almost abandonment#maybe it's not fracturing. or at least not to that extent. maybe we're just anthropomorphising our feelings too much#maybe maybe maybe.
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It is truly astonishing how little work I’ve been doing for my job and how everything is still fine.
I like should probably really do at least more something before it actually becomes a problem but this role only lasts until December so it’s really hard to care
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#i want to write it so bad i want it to be a thing-#but what if it’s lame…#BUT ALSO WHO CARES#ITS MY THING….
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Is reinaLilac12 under 13?
I had no idea who that was till this post and upon investigating for literally one second im gonna say ya
#mweor#i could be wrong but probably not lol#but also who cares#i joined when I was 11 and I’d be a hypocrite if I was pressed
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really love dynamics that are like 'it honestly doesn't matter if you view them as romantic or platonic, the point is that they love each other. the type of love is inconsequential, all that matters is that it's there'. gotta be one of my favorite genders.
#who cares if its platonic love who fucking CARES if its because they wanna kiss like the devotion and the tenderness is there no matter what#mainly brought to you by: jack and anne from black sails but also probably sydcarmy and msr#sydcarmy#msr#rackhanne#the bear#black sails#txf#the x files#mulder x scully#sydney x carmy#jack rackham x anne bonny#oh wait perhaps also theonsa if you squint#maybe not
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i don't think people really understand what's happening in gaza. with each passing day that sees more and more palestinians dead, it's becoming easier and easier for those in the west to perceive them as nothing more than a statistic. they might engage w the occasional palestine post, sure, but it's just as easy to scroll right past that moments later w no real outrage for the genocide retained.
it's vital to stay reminded that palestinians who are with us today won't be with us tomorrow. it's happening every second of every minute of every hour, and it's relentless. somewhere in gaza a little girl is losing her mother, a little boy is watching his siblings bleed to death, elderly people are infirm with starvation and illness, palestinian women and girls are being sexually assaulted and kept in cages, fathers are leaving tents to find food for their families and not coming back. this is all happening right now, and it's a direct result of the west's complacency. it's a direct result of their not seeing arabs as people worth saving.
it might be hard to compute as a westerner, but this is real. don't let your privilege blind you to your humanity.
#palestine#gaza#israel#it really dawned on me that westerners do struggle w the basic feeling of caring. and this is coming from an arab girl who's also american#i see it firsthand all the time. and i'm like how. how could you. but they could
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girlrotting is my new term thank u
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🙂↕️
hate that i'm still really unable to let go.
7 things i hate:
i told you about how when my baby sister went to prison it kind of buried my spirit and turned my life inside out. such a monumental formative turning point in my life for my soul and years of addictions and you were distracted by your dnd group on discord
the shaky uncertainty you left me with, not knowing if anything was ever real or if you ever meant any of the honeyed words you said
banning me from your house when your illinois dnd friends came to visit for actual days bc 'no one else had their partner around and we'll be playing'. it made me feel so so so insecure and unwanted (you have been in a relationship with one of your illinois chicago friends since june, a month after you broke up with me.)
making me believe that it was codependent for me to want to spend time with you more than a couple days a week. how you insisted that a 45 minute drive was long distance. my therapist says that isn't normal lol
you take pictures with your current partner and make them your profile pic over and over. we had one picture together and it was a group picture for your friend's birthday
you broke up with me over facebook messenger less than a day after sobbing into my arms about not wanting to lose me. you looked at me like i was a stranger, or perhaps an employee that you were dismissing. i didn't recognize the look in your eyes.
you bringing your roommate with you to my apartment to pick up your things. you looked sad and ashamed and her presence ensured that we wouldn't be able to talk about it. why didn't you want to talk about it? (also it pissed me off that you brought me the paperback copy of gideon the ninth that i gave you as a gift. it was a gift!! i have my own superior hardcover!)
(bonus! :) dnd dnd dnd dnd dnd dnd dnd dnd dnd dnd dnd dnd dnd dnd dnd dnd dnd )
7 things i liked:
sweetly asking me if you could introduce me to your friends as your girlfriend at the solstice party
writing that you loved me on the stupid fish game at the aquarium for the first time for valentine's day
the way i would catch you sometimes just looking at me with such an incredible amount of love in your eyes that made my heart ache and made me feel safe
when you started leaving things here
my sweet dumpling
you referred to me as one of uzu's moms. (i wonder if he remembers me?)
holding me when i was feeling depressed and crying (did you know then how much it was breaking me when you kept me at arm's length? i asked if i was too much and you said no. that is one thing im certain was a lie. i broke my foot days after you left and the x-rays have shown that the bone has been healed since late summer but i am still in so much pain every day when i walk and it is so tied together with the hurt from that day and every step is a reminder. this brought me to my knees i am at my lowest and everything is slipping away lmfao)
idk this song is a banger that's all.
youtube
#personal#my attempt at journaling i guess#alexa play maisie peters run#i want to say like 'you avoidant ass bitch' but that seems so mean#but also who cares#avoidant and borderline in one person is like a lot#putting things in the world releases it from my head#why do birds fly
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if i think about the hunger games in peeta's perspective i WILL start sobbing
#imagine you're a boy who's going to die. you're in love with the girl you've been watching from afar. you know your fate.#you just want to help her‚ but then there's the announcement and she's here in front of you‚ kissing you‚ risking her life for you and you#think‚ i could live and i could love. you think she loves you when she hands you the berries‚ when she puts them in her mouth.#then you both survive and you go back home and nothing is real anymore. you have nothing. no family. no friends. no love. just an empty#house. a drunk for a neighbor. the love of your life walking into somebody else's arms. you think‚ i survived the games. i could survive#this. and you also think‚ i should've bit down on those berries‚ should've felt the juice burst before i died.#and then the third quarter quell announcement rings in your ears and you think‚ she will live and i will die as i should have in the first#place. the girl you love kisses you on the beach and somewhere you heart stirs and your mind revolts and you savor every touch she has ever#given to you‚ in front of the cameras and off. because you are a tribute and you are always being watched and snow's presence looms and#you think‚ i know she cares. but you get taken. you get drugged. you get tortured‚ your mind altered. the girl is a mutt‚ a murderer. she's#everything you despise‚ your mind stirs. your heart revolts. you gain more awareness but cannot distinguish reality from fiction and you#have never known katniss' love. the war ends. you heal. you come home. you plant primrose for her. years down the line‚ you grow in love#more than you thought possible. but some days‚ you cannot tell fiction from reality so you ask the love of your life‚ you love me.#real or not real? and she says‚ real‚ and kisses you.#and you sigh and kiss her back and revel in this. a home. a life. a love.#lit#the hunger games#everlark#otp: real or not real?#katniss everdeen#peeta mellark#text#tais toi lys#thgpost
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I don't know who needs to hear this, but as a creator -
I am fine with "the audience" -
downloading my fics
printing my fics
copy/pasting or screenshotting my fics
sharing your saved copy of my fics with anyone else who might want them in the unlikely but never impossible case that my fics are no longer available on ao3
making a book of my fic(s) and running your fingers across the pages while lovingly whispering my precioussss
doing these things with anything I create for fandom, such as meta, headcanons, au nonsense like 'texts from the brodinsons,' etc
I am not fine with "the audience"
doing any of the above with the purpose/intent of plagiarizing my work or passing it off as their own in any capacity
feeding my work into ai for any reason whatsoever
Save the fandom things. Preserve the fandom things. Respect the fandom things.
Enjoy the fandom things.
#fanfic#ao3#archive of our own#fandom things#tumblr things#i may have said this at some point#i'm sure i have#but whatever - just in case#i don't say this with the presumption that i'm so amazing and people are clamoring to save my fics#but just if anyone is so inclined that's all#ftr i don't intend on ever removing my fics from ao3 or deleting fandom things from this blog#i've always shared my fandom things with the intent of keeping them shared bc that's the whole point of posting#but the fandom atmosphere and ao3 constantly being under attack who knows what can happen#not that this applies to anyone but should all else fail you can also reach out to me and i will personally give you a copy#at least of fics bc i save everything#not so much the tumblr things but this is a good reminder to myself that i should do that for the things i care about#that i've made or done and only posted here#anyway sorry i have now used up my quota of the putting words into sentences doing for today#i have plans to stare into the void now
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