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kweebtrash · 5 years

Text

hate u love u (M)

Messy After Story

Pairing(s): OC X Johnny

Genre: College AU, Fuckboy AU, Smut, ANGST

Summary: Fuckboys are basically good for one thing. You hit it and quit it- except when his voice draws you in, his body keeps you there, and dumb ass feelings linger making things particularly messy.

Warnings: really sad fucking shit, talks about suicide attempts, drug addiction, alcoholism, talks about death, jealousy and insecurities

Features: contraceptives, smidge of a size kink, grinding, face riding & face fucking, sex tapes, choking, sex toys, anal fingering/fucking, thigh grinding, double penetration, creampies, rough fucking, trying some new shit and being kinda awkward and weird but also having some kind of slutty conversations

Word Count: 17.6k

A/N: ok this is the last one I promise😉 this is really fucking angsty and I teared up at some parts writing it so sorry in advance. Also there's a lot of smut. Like 6.5k worth of smut/smutty conversations. Also, i’m going to edit this in a little while so don’t @ me if you see mistakes. I’m gonna fix them probs tomorrow. I’m just tired.

Messy Masterlist Other Stories Johnny Only Masterlist

I didn't talk to him. For weeks. I couldn't. I was so angry. So hurt. So devastated. He didn't tell me where he applied to, must have been because he was running around so much for his gallery and all that shit. But a fucking heads up would have been nice. I didn't see him off at the airport. I tossed his shit in a box and kicked it to the back of my closet. I cried. I screamed. And at last it wasn't anger anymore. It was hurt. It was pain. It was missing him every. Single. Night. The pain was beginning to swallow me whole and I had no idea what else I should do, or could do. He was halfway across the country and I wasn't in his arms anymore. My pillows were tear stained, my floor covered in snot filled tissues, leftover wrappers, and dirty clothes. Everything was harder without him.

I sat cross legged in the middle of my bed as I chewed on my thumbnail and stared at my phone in front of me. I had reopened all the unanswered texts he had sent me. The "baby, please talk to me," the "baby, I'm sorry," the "princess, daddy needs you. Please." I couldn't cope enough to give him an answer. But now...now I felt too empty. I snatched my phone and dialed his number. My heart pounded so hard in my chest that I could feel the blood rushing to my ears. It went to voicemail. I dropped my phone and covered my face, preparing for another round of tears. My phone vibrated against my leg and I saw his number flash across the screen. I answered it instantly and for the first time in a long time I heard his sweet deep voice. It felt like a warm blanket had been wrapped around me and I sighed.

"Eri." He said sharply.

The blanket disappeared. "H-hi…"

I heard him chewing on something then swallowing. "What?"

"What do you mean what?"

"Why are you calling me?"

"I can call my boyfriend, can't i?"

"Am I your boyfriend?" The questioned stunned me. Of course he was. Why wouldn't he be? We didn't break up we just…

"Y-yes?" My voice trembled. "Yes. Yes, you are."

"Hmm." He chewed again. "Didn't feel like I was."

"I was...upset."

"Yeah, no shit."

I wanted to fucking cry. He didn't even seem to care at all. "I m-miss you. A lot. And I...I wanted to see how you were doing."

"Oh, now you want to?" I heard him cover the phone and call out to someone, though it was all muffled. "You can do it only at your convenience?"

"I just want to see you. Can I see you?"

"You're gonna fly here? And who's gonna pay for that shit? You're gonna make Quinn do it?"

The tears started to fall again, as quick as a waterfall in a rainforest. "N-n-no. I can do-do it on my own. Do you want me t-there?"

"You're crying."

I stopped talking for a moment, knowing that my voice was going to jump a few octaves and turn into an indecipherable squeak.

"Eri."

"Y-yeah?" I sniffled and wiped my nose with my shirt sleeve. Now it was his turn to stay quiet, save for his fucking chewing. "What in God's name are you eating right now?"

"Shrooms." He swallowed.

What? Like…? "You mean-?"

"Yeah, so anyway, I don't know if you should come here, you know? Seeing as how you didn't talk to me for basically a month and now you're thinking it's okay to call me in the middle of a party and make me feel a bunch of shit. That's pretty cool right? That's pretty fun, right? I'm gonna hang up now."

The line went silent and so did my entire world.

I pretended to smile when I was around Quinn. I pretended that I was supportive of Johnny and so happy for him. I only cried when they were over at Jae's house. I hadn't let them in my room and see what a disaster it was. It was closed at all times. I tried my best to keep up my facade and hoped that Johnny had too. If Jae knew anything it would fuck everything up and all would have been for naught. I didn't know how to ask him or if I really even should. Maybe I was keeping up this glamour for myself. So I could pretend that everything was fine and lie to myself instead of Quinn. Maybe it was all for the sake of my sanity.

I had found a slightly better job and quit the Italian restaurant. This one paid more and all I had to do was sit as a desk and listen to people complain about their orders and why it wasn't there on time. It was annoying to take so many calls a day and even worse for my fucking mood disorder. Hearing these people whine fucking drove me up the wall and I chain smoked every lunch break to try and keep it together. I couldn't lose this job. Because it paid so much more than I was used to I was finally able to set money aside. My savings account was looking pretty decent and that was why I wanted to go see him. I could afford to and maybe we could talk it out.

I was on my fourth cigarette since I got home and a quarter into my bottle of bourbon when I got a call. I wasn't really paying attention to who it was, i just answered when I heard the buzzing. "Yeah?"

"Hey."

It was him. I fumbled and almost spilled my paint cup that was filled with swirls of reds and purples. I managed to stop it from falling over and ruining the current piece I was working on. I kicked the canvas away gently and wiped my hands on my already paint covered thighs. "U-uh...um...h-hi."

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing, just uh…" I swayed a little and leaned back against my bed to support myself. I was starting to get the spins. "Just chilling in my room. Why?"

"Talk to me."

"Are you high?"

"Not right now, no." His voice sounded raspy, as if he had just woken up.

"Where are you?"

"My bed. Where are you? Oh...wait. You already said that."

"Are you ok?" I asked.

"Are you?"

"No."

"Me either."

He cleared his throat. "'m sorry about last night. I was at a party and-"

"Since when have you started doing other drugs?"

"Hm? Oh...I mean...it wasn't the first time. I've done it before."

"And you never told me?"

"It was before we met. Don't worry about it. You still drinking?"

"Yeah, I'm still fucking drinking." I scoffed.

"I know. I can hear it in your voice. You're getting there."

"Yeah, well...shit happens."

"You really want to come here?"

"Do you really want me there?"

He took a deep breath and went silent again. "Yes."

"You sure?"

"Yes."

"I can be there. I can ask for time off. I have enough vacation time."

"Come here. Come to me. Be in my arms. Be on top of me..." He exhaled slowly. "Kiss me."

"It still hurts Johnny."

"I fucking know that already. Trust me."

"Have you told Jae about what's going on with us?"

"No, not really. Told him I've been busy. That I love him. That kind of stuff."

"I haven't told Quinn. I kinda just...pretend."

"You always pretend."

"And you don't?" I snapped

"Of course I do." He chuckled. "We always pretend that everything's okay. And that's when we tip back a drink or smoke and destroy ourselves together. Don't you remember? That night after we fucked...we just sat against the wall of the bedroom and drank half a bottle of whiskey and just laughed about shit. I got high and you smoked like half a pack. And then I ate you out so good you came twice."

I pulled my knees to my chest and buried my face in them. I hadn't expected him to say that, to bring that up. "I laughed so hard and cried until I had a mental breakdown."

"Yup. And what did we do after?"

"You wiped my tears and fucked me again and I held onto you so fucking tight because I didn't want you to let me go."

"I remember the scratches. Those weren't orgasmic scratches. Those were in pain scratches."

"I know." I sniffled and punched the side of my thigh over and over so I could redirect my thoughts to not crying.

"Come here. I want to have another night like that with you."

"That was a bad night Johnny…"

"It was and it wasn't. The bad stuff makes us closer and we understand each other better."

"I don't want a bad night. I want a good night. I want only good night's with you."

"We'll have good night's. We will. We'll talk about shit...that's what you want right?" He asked.

"You need to want it to johnny!"

"I do want it! Don't fucking yell at me! I mean I'm fucking asking you to come here. What else do you think I want?"

"Fine, I'll fucking get a ticket tonight and I'll go for like a week."

"Fine. Fucking sounds good to me."

"Fine!" What the hell was happening? We're we mad about seeing each other or not? I laid down on the floor and set the phone down, putting it on speaker. My head was hurting so much and now I had to ask for time off and plan everything by myself. "Can I come at any time or do you have to ask for time off?"

"I can get a couple days off. The rest I might have to work but you can sleep in and I'll be back by the time you wake up. Maybe come on a Thursday and leave on a Wednesday? I don't work weekends unless there's an event and I don't have a weekend event for a bit."

"Ok, I'll ask my job and I'll buy the ticket as soon as I know."

"'mmkay. Sounds good."

We were quiet again and I hated it. "I guess I'll talk to you later." I said, bitterly.

"Okay...if you wanna. I love you, yeah?"

It was the first time I had heard him say it in a long time and it made my heart clench and I started crying again. Goddammit, I could fill a fucking ocean with how much i cried for this man. I went back to hitting my thigh to try and distract myself from it. "I love you too."

"Do you want to...stay on the phone with me, maybe? I haven't heard what's going on with you. You haven't really posted on IG or anything in awhile."

"I don't want people to really look into my life right now. I've been kind of a recluse… You're...partying I guess."

"Ehh, kind of. Every once in awhile. I still have to keep my job right?" He chuckled. "It's been um...really rough without you."

"Yeah I...we...yeah…" He cleared his throat again and I heard him sniff a bit. "Johnny don't you dare."

I heard his voice crack and that was the end. We were two fucking cry babies thousands of miles away from each other and wanting to give up everything just to be together. I wanted to make it work with him. I loved him too damn much to give up now.

I was nervous when I stepped out of the airport. California had a weird vibe to it and I wasn't sure if I liked it or not yet. I could deal with cities, hell I lived in one for like half my life, but this was weird, even for just an airport. I looked around trying to find Johnny from the directions he had texted me. I felt so lost and was ready to call him until I saw him looking around as well. "Johnny!"

His head whipped around and a big smile beamed on his face. I ran to him, almost dropping my luggage because I really didn't care anymore. I just wanted him. He gave me a monstrous hug and spun me around, squeezing me as tight as he could. I almost couldn't breathe. His arms felt so much stronger, especially when I grabbed onto his biceps.

He set me down and cupped my face to kiss me hard, before I could even say anything. I had almost forgotten how warm and soft his lips were and definitely got harshly reminded of how much his tongue filled my mouth. Jesus...why did he feel so much bigger? "A-ahmm...j-johnny u-um…"

"Hmm?" His hands were already grabbing at my hips and I pawed him away.

"We're in public, you slut."

"Sorry, sorry. I couldn't help it. You-" He stopped mid sentence and looked me over. I stood up a bit straighter unsure of what he was looking for

"What?"

"You're skinny."

"Excuse me?"

"Like skinnier. You were kinda chubby before I left."

"EXCUSE ME?!"

"No! I mean, like, it's not a bad thing I just-! Like you look hot! I mean you looked hot before too but-"

"Stop fucking talking before I get on that plane and go right the fuck home." I growled.

"Ugh, I'm sorry. That came out all wrong. What I meant to say was that...you look beautiful."

"Yeah that better be what you meant to say, asshole." I punched his arm but shook my knuckles out immediately after. Why was it so damn hard? Now it was my turn to give him the once over and I realized he was bigger. Definitely more filled out and muscular. His pants were straining at his thighs, like usual but even more so. His arms were more defined and he looked like he could throw me against a wall and I would say thank you. I could clearly see the veins in his arms and I was ready to die right there. "O-oh…" was all I managed to squeak out.

"What? Wait are you checking me out now?" He laughed. "You think I'm fat?"

"No…" I shifted, a bit self conscious of myself now. "You're hot, like always." How many girls had tried to hit on him since he moved here? Ugh, I never thought of something like that before. I wasn't really the jealous type...was I? Well...maybe a little.

He picked up my luggage and put an arm around my shoulders. "Cmon, we've got to check into the hotel."

"Hotel? Why aren't we just staying at your place?" I asked.

"Uh...well...I just wanted it to be special you know? Just me and you."

"Oh you have roommates?"

"Sorta…"

Suddenly I was staring in front of an ugly ass blue van with rust stains on the bottom and scratches along the doors. I was even more surprised when Johnny shoved a key into the lock and slid back the door. I peeked in as he set my luggage behind the passenger seat and saw a mattress in the back, a tension rod holding his clothes up on the opposite door and all his tech stuff hidden beneath the back seat. Curtains covered most of the windows and there was a huge bag of laundry behind the driver's seat. "Ready?" He asked.

I looked at the van then at him then at the van again. "Are you living out of your fucking car?"

"No, well...yes and no. Not entirely. Rent here is kind of ridiculous and I promised jae I would still pay my half of the rent for the apartment while I was gone. So I pay for that, the car, the insurance, my gym membership so I can work out and get ready in the morning there, and then sometimes I stay at my friend's place when I need to cook or do laundry. Hence the...hotel." He cleared his throat and shut the door quickly. "Well, let's get in."

I couldn't believe this. He went all the way to California for this?? What the absolute fuck? He opened the door for me and I stepped in without another word because I knew that if I talked I would say something I would regret. He got into the driver's seat and cut the engine on, leaving a trail of exhaust fumes behind us. He held my hand and stroked his thumb across the back of it, still smiling as he drove "Are you hungry?"

"No, not right now. Maybe we can order something later? I'm a bit jetlagged." I lied.

"Yeah, whatever my princess wants."

I felt my cheeks flush a bit when I heard him say that. It was different in person than over text and it still made me shiver. I looked over at him as he drove one handed. He was still so heart stoppingly gorgeous and even though I had a bunch of questions and irritations about the van I realized that wasn't what was important right now. I was with my Johnny and we were trying to make things right again. That was what was most important. I gave his hand a squeeze and closed my eyes, letting him take us to where we needed to go. When we got to the "hotel" however, I found that it was just a generic motel chain and not anything remotely nicer. It was a bit of a let down and I tried not to be too materialistic but damn if I didn't want this to be a little more special. He opened the door for me and got my luggage out. We went to our room which was just a small ways from the car. The inside was plain, brown, white sheets on the bed. Nothing spectacular. He went back to get his own bag and lock the car before both of us were in the room, alone at last.

I kicked off my wedges and sat on the bed which seemed a little too hard for my liking. We were quiet for a moment. I was too busy staring at my feet dangling off the bed to notice that he was now in front of me, pushing me down gently and crawling on top of me. "Hey." He whispered as he pushed my hair back and ran his fingers down the side of my face.

"H-hi." I looked at him then drove my eyes away.

"Do you want to kiss me?"

"I want to do a lot of things to you." I confessed.

"Oh yeah? Like what?" He teased before placing soft pecks against my lips. "Tell me."

"Um...can I just go freshen up a bit?" I squirmed away from him and wiggled myself off the bed.

"Um...ok. Are you alright? Do you not want to?" He reached his hand out to me and I just patted it awkwardly.

"No I do I just...give me a couple minutes, ok?"

"Sure, babe…"

I grabbed my luggage and sped to the bathroom, almost a hyperventilating mess. I was so nervous! Why the fuck was I nervous? He's my boyfriend. He's seen me every which way. He's put me in all sorts of positions. We've made so many messes and yet...my stomach was churning and I was getting butterflies just thinking about him being so much bigger than I was and looking down at me. It just reminded me of our first hookup almost an entire year ago. Jesus, we had known each other for a year? I took a deep breath and looked at myself in the mirror. Ok, just...get ready for a sexy night like normal. You can do this Eri.

I took a quick shower, washing just the important parts and making sure not to get water on my face. I didn't want to do my entire makeup look all over again. Once I was done I brushed my teeth, reapplied some of my makeup and made sure I smelled like a yummy dessert with the perfume and lotion I put on. I was constantly wondering if I was doing too much but it was whatever. I was going to make sure he was reminded of what had been waiting for him back home. I slipped on my new half shelf bra that barely held me in and his favorite garter and thigh high set that had to be washed so many times because of how much he came on them. I gave myself the once over and made sure I looked ok before cracking the door open slightly.

He had pulled his shirt over his head and I could see every dip and ripple of his back muscles as he worked to undo his belt and shuffle his jeans down. I had to squint just to be sure but it looked like he was wearing red silk boxers. This whole nerd. I fussed over myself one last time before opening the door completely. I had expected him to still be standing but he was sprawled out in some cheesy "sexy" pose with a plastic rose in his mouth until his jaw dropped. "Oh my god, what are you doing, you dork?! Where's you get that flower from?"

He spit and wiped his mouth. "It was in the vase over there. I think it had dust on it. I didn't realize and...wow."

"Why are you such a dummy?" I crawled onto the bed and sat beside him, blushing still. "So...what do you think?"

"I can't think. What is thinking? Boobs." He made no point in hiding his staring.

I shoved his head away playfully. "Idiot. Yes, my boobs are here for you to look at."

"Touch."

"Yes, that too. Oh my god." I grabbed him by his chin and tilted his head up for a kiss. "I missed how much you make me laugh."

"I missed…" He grabbed my thighs and pulled them from beneath me so he could take his place above me again once I fell onto my back. His hands joined mine and pinned them beside my head. "Everything about you."

"I have a few rules for tonight."

"Oh? Is there something you don't wanna do?"

"The opposite. Your rules are that you have to make me squirt, you have to choke me, you have to let me ride your face, you have to AT LEAST finger my ass, and if you do all that you can cum in me every time."

His eyes went wide. "Ev-every time? You'd let me do that?"

"Yeah, I took some extra precautions."

"Like what?"

"Well one, I just got my new birth control implant in so my arm doesn't fucking hurt anymore and two I got spermicide film."

"Yah what?"

I rolled my eyes. "Basically it's something I put on the inside and it kills the sperm on contact. So no cretins running around. We just have to wait a bit for it to dissolve but that's what foreplay is for, right?"

"Mhmm…" He licked his lips and started pressing kisses down my neck. "You're fucking amazing. I can't wait to fill you up so damn good."

"Eww don't say that." I giggled and smooshed his face away then rolled over onto my stomach beneath him. He instantly set his bulge against my ass and ground into me.

"Wait do I really have to finger your ass?" He said in between kisses across my shoulders and down my back.

"It would be nice since you still haven't done it yet. And I told you it's not "icky" like you think it is."

He groaned. "Ok, if I do it you swear I can cum in you?"

"Absolutely promise, love. I even bought toys to help you out. I mean, you love my ass so much why don't you play with it?"

"Ok, ok, fine. I'll agree to it. But just this once."

"Trust me, you'll want to do it again." I smirked as backed myself up against him, rubbing over the front of his boxers. "I like the silk by the way. Super cute."

He groaned and gripped my hip roughly, pressing into the spot that always drove me wild. I let out a small whimper and shoved my face into the mattress as my body felt tingly all over. "What toys did you bring?" I could hear the smirk in his voice as he continued to grind and keep his weight on top of me.

"U-um, just a vibrator, some lube, and a-ahh! Hmm...a dildo. Some other stuff."

"Why the dildo?" He nipped at my ear and traced his tongue over my lobe.

"I thought maybe if you didn't want to um...fuck me there I could just play with it."

"Your ass, you mean?"

I gripped the sheets tighter and rocked back harder against him. He hadn't let go of my hip and I was already getting flushed all over. "Uh-huh."

"How big is it?" He worked me onto my knees and spread them as wide as my hips would allow. His fingers had all the access he wanted to work up and down my slit, feeling the wetness that had just begun to form.

"U-um like...7 inches or-" I shuddered and wanted to snap my legs shut when he teased my entrance with a small poke. "S-so…"

"You can take all that there?"

I nodded. "I've done it before. I just need a little bit of help is all."

"And that help is me stretching you open?" He dipped the entirety of his finger inside me now and I bowed my back, hissing slightly. "Why are you so needy right now?"

"Well I haven't had sex since you left. Why the fuck do you think I'm needy? Aren't you the same?"

He didn't answer me and instead thrust his finger in deeper. "You're so small, you know that? You look extra tiny right now."

"We get it, Suh, you have a size kink." I grumbled and tried to move back on his finger but he pulled it away.

"You gonna behave?"

I pouted and gave him a glare. "Don't you dare tease me. That's not part of the rules."

"Let me implement some of my own rules then. One, I get to tease you all I want and I mean taking hours just to lick and kiss you everywhere and not letting you cum at all. Two, you let me face fuck you. Did you bring that spray stuff?"

I scoffed and looked away. "Tch, yeah...or whatever."

"Good. Three, let's make a movie."

I shot up entirely and shoved him away. "WHAT?!"

"Don't make it a big deal. It's just for you and me only. I'm lonely without you here and I can watch it when I miss you the most."

"It is a big deal! Don't you remember what fucking happened to me?!" I yelled.

"Yeah but I'm not stupid or an asshole. I'm your boyfriend. I don't even want anyone to look at you sexually let alone see you naked or getting rawed. I'd be furious. This is just for you and me."

"N-no...i-i don't know, Johnny. If we break up i-"

"We're not breaking up...I thought we were but I'm glad we're not." He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my shoulder. "It's not getting uploaded anywhere. It's going on my password protected photo app. No one can get into it but me. I swear, Eri."

"What if I want to stop it?"

"Then we stop it, duh. There's no reason to keep going if you're uncomfortable. We can at least try it for a bit. We're both doing new things tonight. We can celebrate."

"And if I don't like it, you'll delete it right?"

"You can delete it from my phone yourself. You're safe with me babe. Trust me." He held me tighter and nuzzled his face against against my neck.

"I'm nervous…"

"What? Don't be! It's just me, princess. I make you feel good, don't I?" I nodded meekly and played with the band of my thigh highs. "We can get going for a bit then I'll turn it on so that way you're really feeling it. Sound good?"

"O-ok." I agreed, still a little reluctant. But he was right. Maybe we could at least try.

"Good," He laid down, stuffing pillows behind his head and beckoning me over. "Come here, angel."

I shuffled over to straddle him, setting my knees on either side of his head. I propped my hand on the wall and looked down at him as he licked his lips. His arms wrapped around my thighs and held me in place. His face was buried against me in no time, diving his tongue into me as his nose brushed against my clit. I sucked in a sharp breath and let my other hand fall into his hair. "J-johnny, fuck...I missed your tongue."

He only hummed against me and flicked his tongue faster, slurping lewdly and licking up the length of my slit. His hands slid up and down my thighs, over my hips and stomach, and towards my chest. He grabbed each of my breasts and squeezed, rubbing his thumbs over my nipples. My fingers fisted his hair and pulled as I needed him more and more. I rocked my hips against his face, already feeling the effects he had on me. He parted for just a moment to take in a breath. "Just a sec."

"S-sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"It's ok. I'm fine now. You taste good. I want more."

"Shut up. No I don't. You're just say-" I gasped as he devoured me further. He caressed my body, hands flowing back down so his thumbs could spread my lips apart. The tip of his tongue painted intimate patterns into me, making me shudder and moan his name loudly. I didn't care anymore if I was loud or not. I needed this like it was my own personal drug. My toes dug into the mattress as I rolled my hips faster, getting closer to falling over the edge. He pulled away again and I figured he needed more air but instead he pushed my hips downward, making me rest over his boxers. "What the hell?!" I pouted.

"Grind on me."

"I was about to cum."

"Didn't I say that I get to tease you without making you cum at all? Now start." I huffed and slid his boxers off, revealing the girth underneath. I worked my hand over the length, wrapping my fingers around his shaft and giving him a good squeeze. "Not what I asked for."

"Fuck off." I hovered over his cock and planted my hands on his chest before I rode my wetness up and down from head to base. His eyes closed and his head fell back into the pillows, his whole body relieving itself of tension. I loved watching him sink into bliss; seeing that shit eating grin on his face because he knew he was getting what he wanted. He settled his hands behind his head and chuckled a bit as my hole brushed over the most sensitive part of him. I teased him by sinking down onto his tip, just a few centimeters or so, before sliding back down and never letting him enter me. Johnny knew that I would tease him just as much as he would tease me. Two could always play that game of course.

I pressed my chest to his, lowering myself just close enough that I could lick his lips. I swiped my tongue across his bottom lip and he easily let me in. Our tongues collided and I drew his in to suck on deeply. It morphed into deeper kisses where I could scarcely breathe and we would exchange licks and sucks in the dirtiest ways. One of his hands grabbed the back of my head while the other grabbed my ass, controlling all of my movements. I was his to fuck, his to play with, and his to love unconditionally. I managed to break away from him for a moment, panting against his lips. "Do you want to be inside me now?"

"Hmm, in a bit. Let me get my tripod. Get up."

Oh right. That. I scooted off him and wiped my lips that were still tender. I could taste myself on his tongue and wondered why he liked it so much. I unhooked my bra and tossed it aside before heading back to the bathroom where I had left my luggage. I dug through my clothes and pulled out all the naughty things I had brought with me, taking them back to the bed. His phone was all set up on the tripod ready to go. "Tell me what I should do first." I propped myself on all fours, waiting for his answer.

"Better get the spray out." He smirked.

"Of course, you slut." I spritzed a bit of the numbing spray into my mouth, wincing at the overly strong peppermint taste. "Blegh. It feels like toothpaste down my throat."

"Well hopefully my dick will make it better." He tapped record on his phone and told me to come to the edge of the bed. I was just at the perfect height for where he wanted me and I opened my mouth, sticking my tongue out. His gripped his base and rubbed the head of his cock against my tongue, swirling it a bit. I wrapped my lips around him and suckled on the sensitive area and the soft curse he let out warmed every inch of my skin. I set my hands on his hips and flowed back to grab a hold of his ass to steady myself.

He thrust into my mouth, slowly at first, getting me used to the stretch within my lips. Every few minutes or so he would push in further until he touched the back of my throat. It was a slightly uncomfortable feeling but I didn't gag thanks to the spray. Instead he remained nestled in for a while until he looked down at me. "Ready?"

I was already thinking about how sore my throat was going to be tomorrow but I nodded against him. He gripped the back of my head with both hands and pulled out slowly before plunging straight in. I dug my nails into his skin as my nose brushed against his lower stomach and he destroyed my throat. He didn't let up on his speed and I struggled to breathe through my nose. I squeezed my eyes shut as I felt tears already prickling at the corners of my eyes. He fumbled through obscene curses and almost incoherent mumbles, the pleasure of my mouth wrapped around him seeming to drive him insane. I tapped on his hip, signaling to let me go. He pulled out completely and I worked to clear the saliva between us.

He dragged his thumb across my lips to clean me up as well. "You okay?" I nodded and swallowed hard. "You sure?" I nodded again and pulled him back to me, opening my mouth for another round. "Good girl."

My body lit up at the praise and I held my head a little higher, squaring myself and gripping the edge of the bed. He worked his way back in, feeding himself into me and wreaking havoc on my taste buds. I managed to look up at him and realized he had been staring down at me the whole time. I darted my eyes away though he tapped my chin to get me to look back up. His big hand was suddenly engulfing my throat and added accompanying pressure to the point where I felt light headed. "You look so good like this, you know that?" I heard him say. My body was almost swaying and I tried to keep my frame firm but it wasn't any use. My eyes fluttered closed and I leaned into his hand until my breath was non existent. "Eri?" My hearing was fuzzy but I felt myself wanting to smile, whether I was doing it or not, I didn't know. The feeling of not being able to breathe and floating into an unconscious space was always thrilling but I was ripped from me just as it started getting good.

He pulled back again, letting his grip on me fade and I took in a large gulp of air, falling into a coughing fit. He walked away from me to go to the mini fridge within our room and get a small bottle of water. He handed it to me and I took it graciously, downing it in seconds. He stopped the recording and sat down beside me. "You good? You looked like you were going to faint or something. I got scared."

"I'm okay, I just got lightheaded."

"Fuck, it was too much then, wasn't it?"

I leaned against his shoulder and giggled. "No, I like getting lightheaded when I'm being choked."

He scoffed. "Of course you do. Don't scare me like that though, ok? Maybe were not completely ready for the face fucking."

"I'm sorry, baby. I liked it, I really did and I didn't think I would. It's just kinda like another form of choking." I nudged my head just under his chin and rubbed his broad chest. "Maybe we can try again a little later too?"

"It was pretty hot. You looked so damn good." He licked his lips then kissed me briefly before commanding me to lay down. He made me hold my legs open while he retrieved the bottle of lube from the small pile of things I had brought over. I watched as he added a small glob to his fingers and pressed it to my rim. "I guess we can start this now."

"You sure you're okay with it?" I asked, not wanting to force him to do anything he didn't want to.

"I might as well try it. I mean, I never thought it was really hot or sexy but you are so maybe I'd like it. You think it would make you squirt?"

"I've never done it with just anal but maybe if we add some other stuff it might. It'll be fun to find out." I grabbed his other hand and folded my fingers into his, giving the back of it a chaste kiss.

He returned the kiss to my stomach and took a deep breath. "I have to go slower, right? Like it'll hurt more if I don't?"

"Right. It's just like fingering me regularly just a little more cautious. You'll be ok." I assured him.

"What if it feels gross?"

"Oh my god, Johnny, it will not feel gross. I swear."

He scrunched up his nose and didn't move. I sighed and set my legs down. "You don't have to do- OH WELL OK THEN!" I felt him press into me, his fingertip wiggling its way inside.

"Keep your legs open, dammit."

"Ya could've warned me!"

"You wanted me to do this anyway so hush!" I reopened my legs and noticed that he was blushing through his face of deep concentration. He was even poking his tongue out a bit. It was cute but now I was a bit afraid of how thick his fingers were."How many do you want in here?"

"Three usually works. But not all at once!"

"I know that! Just calm down! You're making me feel weird." I kept quiet then, closing my eyes and trying to relax around his finger. He let my hand go to gently brush his thumb over my clit, letting me focus on that sensation until his entire finger finally poked through. "Huh."

"What "huh"?"

"Kinda feels a bit weird. Not like a normal vagina."

"Well duh," I said. "Probably because it's NOT a vagina??"

"Eri, Jesus Christ." He slammed his lips against mine then in order to keep me quiet as he started to slowly thrust his finger.

"You're being a fuckboy again." I said in between a few kisses.

"No, I'm just being me. We can be weird and casual in bed." He nipped at my bottom lip and curled his finger gently. "Am I doing it right?"

"Y-yeah," I wrapped my arms around his ribcage and nudged my thigh between his legs. "Feels nice. You'll need some more lube for the second one though."

"I know." He swallowed hard and pressed his cock against the fabric of the thigh highs, beginning to rub against it. "Just give me a sec...fuck…" That always got him going; a begging and needy prince that wanted to fuck my thighs and grind against them until he made a mess. It had become my favorite thing for us to do just because I loved his change in demeanor. He was hiding in my neck, whimpering slightly and kissing me in the softest of ways. I pushed his hair back and encouraged him not to forget about his finger deep inside me. He had stopped as he had gotten distracted with his grinds that were gradually getting faster.

"You know you're not allowed to cum this way, no matter how much you want to." I whispered.

He nodded and sunk a small bite into my neck. "I-i know b-but-!"

"No but's Johnny. You know the rules." He had the biggest pout on his face and I couldn't help but giggle. "Someone's a little submissive."

"I am not submissive. I just like cumming on your thighs."

"But do you like cumming inside me more?" It was like he was weighing the pros and cons of each situation, never before encountering it. He opened his mouth to speak then shut it, his brows furrowing again in thought. I smirked and grabbed the bottle of lube and dangled it in front of his face. "While you're thinking it over how about you get to work stretching me more."

He sighed and snatched the bottle from me, pulling out his finger then adding lube to them both. He was even slower as he tried to pry in again. It had been so long since I had done this and I was too tight for comfort. It was going to be some time before I opened up full. The fingertips did eventually get in, making me gasp and mewl like a kitten in heat. I arched up, pressing my thigh against him harder and sliding my hand down my body to thrust inside my wetness. "Damn, is this what you're like every time you do anal?"

"Shut up...I just kinda like...um...both holes filled at the same time."

"Ooohhh. Is that your fantasy?"

"To get fucked by two guys and eat out a girl at the same time? Yeah. I mean if you would've went with the foursome idea at christmasssss..."

"Hm." He shoved his fingers into me fully making me cry out.

"F-fuck! Johnny! You asshole!" The stinging pain was somewhat strong but the masochist in me wasn't running away from it. They were working faster, curling against the tightness and scissoring me open. I held onto his wrist, making sure he was pinned in place. I didn't want him to leave, I couldn't bear the thought of him stopping just to tease me again. I was pumping my own fingers into myself faster, my breaths war torn and ragged. He was grinding harder against my thigh, rubbing against the mesh and bringing moans out of him so deep that I wanted to scream. I fucking missed this so much; making him moan, whimper, beg, pant. Everything. It just brought me back to how much his voice made me quiver with orgasms since before I even met him.

"I need you, Eri. Now."

"Just a little more. Please. I want you too but just a little more!" I bit down on my lip as my other hand grasped the sheets between us. He was peeved that I wouldn't let him inside me just yet but by the way he was throbbing and leaving a wet patch on the fabric between us I could tell he was enjoying the show. He edged another finger inside me and we matched three for three. Both sets of fingers filling me had my holes clamping in eagerness to cum. The edge of my palm brushed against my clit while his thick fingers curled deeper inside me, circling against pleasure points and spaces that reawakened after so long. And then he pulled away and shoved my hand aside. "God fucking dammit Johnny!!" All he could do was laugh and I wanted to punch him in the chest. "Really?!"

"Yeah, you're hot when you're sexually frustrated." I watched him leave me to tap the record button again. He then returned to prop himself against the wall, his lap welcoming me to sit on it. He patted his thighs and I crossed my arms, my lips in full pouting mode. "Hah! Don't give me that shit. You want it bad. You're not gonna be a brat for long. Get over here, Eri."

"No! You're being a jerk!"

"You wanna cum don't you?" I glanced over as he said those words lower and definitely more enticing. His hand was wrapped around his cock and adding slow strokes to his shaft. His tongue poked out to graze his bottom lip and I hated that he was trying to win me over. I couldn't resist the way he looked when he had his legs open like that, hair sticking slightly to his forehead, and his broad chest heaving slightly. Droplets of precum slid down onto his fingers as he gave his head a squeeze, hissing as his teeth sucked in air. "Princess...come here."

Oh fuck you. I caved in and straddled his lap, lowering my gaze to his length. I set my hand over his and guided him towards my entrance, slowly sinking down until he filled me completely. We stood still for a moment, almost in shock at how amazing it felt. It was way different from when he wasn't feeling sexual when he first started his meds. We got to be intimate on other levels and though I craved him I was still mostly patient and comforted him. This was months of sadness, anger, hatred, pain, and heart wrenching love that had culminated into a burst of sexual frustration and passion all at once. I didn't need anything but him. In fact if we stayed holed up in this shitty motel the entire week I think I would be able to survive off his kisses alone.

"Move, for the love of fucking god, move." He begged. He was just as desperate as I was and I gave into his command before he even finished his sentence. I held onto his shoulders and worked through the burning in my thighs to bounce quickly. Feeling him plunge deep and fill me with every inch of his girth was a gift I was more than happy to accept. I noticed him fumbling his hands behind me but barely gave it any thought. I was too entranced by chasing my pleasure and hoping he wouldn't pull away again. That was when I felt something poking at my rim. I gasped as he pushed it through, stuffing me with the dildo in an act I'd never thought he'd do.

"B-baby, w-wha-what are you-?"

He gripped the back of my neck and growled against my lips. "Fuck yourself on them both."

I swallowed hard and nodded, switching my movements to swift rolls of my hips so I could catch both cocks on a heated rhythm. Johnny moved the dildo faster, almost as fast as his hips were snapping up into me now. I cupped his jaw and landed sloppy, half met kisses to his lips which he reciprocated with bites and licks to my tongue whenever he could. I was a literal mess and at his mercy. His free hand tore into my ass cheek, creating half moon indentations in my skin. I heard a thud then and realized his head had collided with the wall as he tried to move it back. "Ouch! Shit."

I giggled in between pants and cradled his head. "You're always knocking your head on something when we fuck. Are you ok?"

"Yeah yeah yeah, just keep going. I'm an idiot."

"My idiot." I gently rubbed the back of his head and held him close to my chest, setting my other hand against the wall. I mewled as my skin seemed to break with how rough he was digging his teeth in but it was fucking beautiful. With how much he had teased me and with all the sensory overload he was providing now, my orgasm was quick to come. When I rolled my hips, my clit would rub against his base and added to everything that was destroying me. That little motion was enough to have me dousing his lower stomach and thighs with my cum that gushed out in heavy spurts. My hand flew to cover my mouth and stop my scream from bursting through. It was so intense, too intense even, and I scrambled to pull away from him as my body curled up and I felt trembling aftershocks.

I could only curse and bury my face into the bed, my fist ripping the bedsheet from the corner of the mattress. Johnny hovered over me, tossing the dildo aside and trying to pry my legs open. "Nonononono." I whimpered as I was still too sensitive. I didn't want him to drive me into another orgasm that soon. I didn't think my body could take it. But he was inside me again, my hands pinned by my head as he slammed into me. I could barely look up at him but he was hovering over me, casting a shadow against the ceiling light and somehow seeming much bigger than before. "I love you…" He gasped out. "Cum with me this time."

I sure as hell would try. My walls were weak and anything could send me over the edge again. I closed my eyes as I felt him throb then stutter, a warmth filling my belly and simultaneously flowing out of me. I felt tears prickling at my eyes as my second flow of cum spread onto the sheets beneath us. He collapsed onto me and I held onto him so tight as the tears finally fell. My mind was a sea of emptiness. No thoughts filtered through and I just wanted to stay in this moment with him forever. I closed my eyes and let our heartbeats slow down until our breaths steadied. "God…" I whispered. "That was…"

"All I ever wanted and more." He pushed back his sweat drenched hair and gave me a small kiss. "Are you crying?"

"Oh." I wiped my eyes quickly. "Not sad crying. Like it was just a lot at once and it felt so good. I don't know. It just...happened." I laughed.

"Weirdo." He smiled. "Oh shit, the video."

"Shut it off."

"Well I don't wanna pull out yet."

"Fine, just shuffle with me until you can reach it." We looked stupid scooting our bodies close to the edge of the bed just so he could stop the video and take his phone off the tripod. I sighed as he sat back and made sure my legs were wide open.

"This is why I didn't want to pull out yet. I want to see it drip out of you." He held the phone above me and I rushed to cover myself.

"That's embarrassing, you giant pervert!!"

"No it's not! It's so damn hot. Please? Pleaseeeeee??" He covered my face in silly little kisses, trying his best to convince me.

"What is up with you suddenly becoming a porn director?!" I grumbled.

"I told you, it's because I miss you and I can only think about you when I jack off. But with this I can see us together and it will be so much more intense when I cum. I can see and hear how good I made you feel. The sounds you make are something else."

"O-oh…" My face flared up as I hadn't expected him to say all of that. "You are so lucky I love you more than anything. And I know you would raise hell if anybody else saw me like this. Fine, pull out."

I heard the beep of the video begin and covered my face as he moved. I felt his cum flow out of me, more so when I clenched my pelvic floor to push it out. He let out a deep moan of satisfaction and used his thumb and index finger to spread my lips apart, making me even more flustered. "Are you done yet?" I mumbled behind my hands.

"No." He dragged his fingers through his cum and nudged my hands away. "Open." I kept my eyes closed but opened my mouth, taking in his fingers that rubbed the bitter musk over my taste buds. He spread his fingers across my tongue, pinching it slightly before plunging to the back of my throat. I winced and moved my head away. The numbing spray had worn off and I wasn't into vomiting all over my boyfriend. He pulled away and stopped the third clip. "Damn."

I sat up and sighed. "Can you clean this up? I don't really wanna move."

"Yeah, I got you." I adjusted myself to lay down on my side of the bed while Johnny plugged his phone in to charge and gathered up the things we had made a mess on. I was already drifting into sleep, not even really caring about how sticky I was. "Is there anyway to clean a dildo without it feeling like you're jacking it off?!" I heard him call out from the bathroom.

"No!" I responded to his stupid question before turning my head away from the bathroom and falling asleep.

I woke up in the middle of my deep sleep after having the weirdest dream ever. I hated when I had dreams like that because I could never seem to get back to sleep until hours after. I sighed and rubbed the sleep from my eyes, pouting at my now awakened state. Johnny was spooning me, arm wrapped around my torso with his hand on one boob as usual. That I didn't mind that as much as i did his erection jabbing into my lower back. He was dead asleep too, I could tell by his snoring. How he managed to get hard while not even being awake, who knows. Maybe he was having a more pleasant dream that I had. But he needed to move if I wanted to be comfortable at all again.

I nudged my elbow against him and removed his arm from around me. "Johnny." I whispered. "Move over."

Nothing.

I sighed and whispered a little louder. "Johnny! Move over." I tapped his thigh, hoping to get his attention but all it did was make him grind into me. This man never stopped. "Johnathan. Please move."

He grumbled and nuzzled between my shoulder blades before pressing me onto my stomach. I huffed and turned my head to the side so the pillow wouldn't suffocate me. "Boy, if you don't get off me-" I gasped sharply as I felt him enter me, his head popping through instantly. "W-wrong hole!" I squeaked.

"Fuck...why is it so tight?" He rasped, voice still laced with sleep.

"You're in the wrong place!"

"Mhm-hm. It's where I wanna be."

Did he just…? Was he…? WHAT? "A-are you sure? You never liked this like ever be-" My words were taken from me as he sunk in deeper. I was still somewhat stretched out from him using the toy on me earlier but this was even heavier and thicker than that measly thing. He raised me to my knees and rubbed his hands all over my body.

"Was dreaming 'bout you."

"I-i can tell. U-um…" I was blushing hard as one of my fantasies with him was finally checked off the list. "Do you like it?"

"Not sure yet. Can I move?"

"Yes, please."

He pulled out slowly and sunk back in, testing the waters and gauging how we both felt. I was still in shock but craved more and I wondered what was going through his mind. Why did he have a sudden change of heart? Just wanted to explore? Maybe he liked what we had done earlier? Or perhaps he was doing it because he wanted to make something up to me, like leaving, in a way. Whatever it was this change of heart was giving me pleasure in a way no one had made me feel before. He held onto my hips tightly and soon I heard the familiar slapping of his hips against my ass. I closed my eyes again and let him take over and figure out what he liked and didn't like.

"Open your legs more."

My thighs already were still sore from earlier but I wiggled them apart as he pressed his hand firmly against my lower back. He wanted that deep feeling of being in my stomach and drawing moans out of me. It was one of my favorite things to do with him and it made my body tremble. "Baby...shit…" I mewled. "It's good. I told you it's good."

"Hmmm... Can I cum in here too?"

"Yeah, whatever you want. Do whatever you want to me, love."

"I like the sound of that." He pressed my hips back harder, slamming us together and taking me back to a whimpering mess. He reached over and clicked on the bedside table lamp. "Wanna see you." I didn't even protest and let him marvel in the way he was stretching my ass open. I was too wrapped up in how good it felt to even care. He pressed his chest to my back and nipped at my ear. "I wanna see you fuck yourself this time."

"A-ahh...with the dildo?"

"Yeah." He moaned against my ear. "Fast. And. Deep." He landed each word with harsh thrusts that I could feel in my stomach. I noticed he had set the clean toys on the bedside table and I reached out for the dildo, shuffling it between me and the bed. Johnny sunk his teeth down onto the back of my neck just as I pressed the toy into me. My favorite sensation was back and I was thrust into a place of bliss and heightened senses. He controlled the speed of my thrusts for a moment, making sure I knew how he wanted me to fuck myself. I almost couldn't take it but he made it even worse when I heard the whir of the small bullet vibe I had brought. It was deadly in his hands, especially since he kept it firmly against my clit. I wanted to crumble beneath his weight but he wrapped his arm around my waist and linked his ankles over mine so I couldn't move an inch. I was trapped beneath his big body, helpless and begging for my release.

"That's my babygirl. You're doing so good for me." He cooed. I buried my face into the pillow, blushing at his sweet words. I was already flustered and he was making it worse. "Do you wanna cum for me?"

"Y-yes daddy." I said meekly.

"I know, and I want you to squirt again. I want you to cum so hard. So sensitive and overstimulated that you collapse and cant take anymore. I want that."

He worked the bullet into small circles which made my toes dig into the sheets. His hand that was around my waist slid down to cover mine, controlling the speed of every single one of my pleasure points. With both his hands between my thighs and his cock stuffed inside me, I gripped the pillow between my teeth, clenching hard as my body came full force for the third time that night. I felt my cum flow over my thighs and his hands, pitter-pattering onto the mattress. My nails clawed at the walls as he let the dildo go but kept the vibrator on me, keeping up the relentless torture. I screamed a chaotic monologue of "Daddy! Please! Daddy please!!", begging for him to ease up on my sensitivity but he didn't. Instead his hips drove all the way home, pounding harshly and creating an infestation of tremors throughout my entire being. Finally, the bullet stopped and dropped by my knee.

Both of Johnny's hands were on my hips again as he chased his own orgasm, breathing hard in between growls and moans. I brought my hand to rest on his, squeezing my fingers against him tight. His cum rushed into me then, warming me like he had done before and making me feel absolutely full. He let me lower myself to the mattress and caved on top of me again, resting his head by mine. "Was us fucking always this amazing? I mean like yes but also like...this is some next level shit." He chuckled. "Eri?"

"I'm so tired, you asshole."

"Well I know your asshole is tired. Pretty much got plowed into oblivion."

"Uh, yeah, so...what was that about?" I asked curiously.

He huffed, trying to blow some of my curls away from his face. "I don't know...just...guess I should try stuff before I say I don't like it. I never found it sexy but your ass is perfect. It was like suffocating. Only with you babe."

"I feel so special. And also like I wanna die. I need to shower. I'm so sticky but I don't think I can move."

"I'll help you. Hold on." He slid out of me slowly, leaving my hole gaping and dripping with his cum. "Fuck…" he breathed. "I could watch that all day."

"Jooohhnnnyyyy!" I covered my head with the pillow, wanting to disappear forever every time he stared at my openings like that.

He tossed the pillow away and helped me sit up gently. "I just like teasing you."

My big pout didn't last long because he scooped me up in his arms bridal style and carried me to the bathroom. I held onto him tight, almost in disbelief. "Well damn daddy, just bench press me."

"Knowing you, you'd like that." He set me down gently in the shower and joined me before drawing the curtains and turning on the water. "I'm so glad you came, baby." He set his head on top of mine and wrapped his arms around my shoulders.

"I am too. I just want to be with you. No matter what."

The next morning (or afternoon, I wasn't really sure) I woke up with almost every inch of my body aching. My ass hurt, my legs hurt, all the bite marks hurt, my throat hurt. Having sex with Johnny was like getting hit by a freight train and trying to pick yourself back up from the aftermath. On top of that I was so damn hungry. I rolled over slowly and hit an empty spot instead of the warmth I expected. I felt around, trying to figure out if I was missing something before opening my eyes. He wasn't there. I sat up and looked around, perplexed as to where he went. "Looking for me?"

My head swiveled when I heard his voice. He was coming out of the bathroom, pulling his shirt over his head. "How ya feeling?"

"Like death." I croaked. "Where did you go?"

"To get you breakfast and a chai latte to try and make your throat better. I got your favorite. Strawberry pancakes, eggs, sausage, and chicken nuggets."

"Fuck yeah, nuggies." I giggled a bit and reached out for the latte. I definitely needed it to soothe my throat.

He tossed off his jeans and brought the bag of food to sit between us. I curled up against him instantly and nuzzled his shoulder. "Let me guess, you want me to feed you?" I nodded and gave him puppy dog eyes. He rolled his own and opened the containers cutting up the pancakes and feeding them to me. "I wanted to take you out later on if you're up to it?"

I chewed a bit then swallowed. "Take me where?"

"Shopping and stuff. We've got big malls here. Figured you'd like all the makeup stuff."

"Oh yeah? You gonna be my sugar daddy or something?"

He scoffed as he ate one of the nuggets. "More like generic store brand sucrose father."

I laughed and kissed his cheek. "You know you don't have to buy me anything right?"

He shrugged. "You just seemed kinda disappointed in the hotel and my car…"

"Well...I am, I mean I was. I just expected you to have more since this was your big internship, you know?"

"Yeah...well I like my van. I can go wherever I want and not have to be tied down. I've traveled along the coast and to different cities already. It was like this place was made for me. There's so much to do here. It's better then our college town."

"Right…" I said rather sadly.

"Babe, you know I do miss you. I don't want to be away from you and that's not what im trying to say right?"

"I know...I know. Let's just not focus on that right now I guess."

"I still wanna take you shopping. Get you looking all cute and shit. I'll carry your bags and all that." He fed me another bite of pancakes. "Is that ok?"

I felt bad. I didn't want him to think that he had to do this for me, especially not spend money to make me feel happy. "Johnny, I'm sorry about the van and the motel. You don't have to buy me anything. I don't want to be a materialistic bitch. That doesn't matter to me. I can stay in bed with you all day."

"Shut up. We're doing it. It's not just shopping. I can show you around too. You have to at least do other stuff on your vacation than just fuck me. Even though I'm about it."

"Ok, ok, sucrose father." He gave me a laughter filled kiss which I returned with hidden intentions. I swiped my tongue along his bottom lip and cupped the back of his neck.

"Mhm...baby...you want something." He said, seeing through me instantly. "Aren't you sore?"

"Not all that." I eased my way into his lap "Just wanna warm you. That ok?"

"Hmm...only for a little bit."

I nodded and wrapped my arms around his neck, settling my center over him. He held me close too and guided my hips to grind smoothly over him. I avoided his lips so we both wouldn't get too worked up, just enough for him to nestle inside me and stay there for a little while. "Did you wanna do this this morning?"

"Yeah but you left." I pouted.

He swiped his thumb over my lip and I took it into my mouth, sucking gently. "I got you food didn't I? I made it up to you."

I laid my head on his shoulder while keeping his thumb in my mouth. I hummed a little response and lifted my hips for him to guide himself in. He pressed the head of his cock against my entrance and I sunk down slowly, wincing a bit at my tenderness but the feeling of him inside me made me all cozy and gushy with lovey feelings. Johnny scratched at my head gently and turned the TV on low, not minding me wanting to fall back asleep. "If you don't want to go shopping today, we can do it tomorrow. But my friends are also having a party tomorrow and I'd like it if you met them."

Blegh, socializing. Socializing with my boyfriend's friends. Socializing with people that weren't that great because he only had one good friend. I sighed internally and tried to gauge if I could really take in that much anxiety in one day. Probably not and I would be suffering the entire time but I would do it for him. I would do anything for him.

I squeezed Johnny's hand tightly as we walked up the stairs to this ridiculous baby mansion. I had never seen a house this huge before but I guess it's what happened when you were California dreamin'. There was way too many people already and I clung onto him tighter as my breath sped up. The music was way too loud and when I tried calling out to him he didn't hear me even though we we're right next to each other. So I continued to follow wordlessly as he did his social butterfly shit. He was saying hi to people he never mentioned to me and making his way through the crowd until he found a couch for us to sit on. He sat down and set me beside him, his arm loosely around my hips. About a dozen people were circled around us and a few people stared at me including this gorgeous girl who sent me a small smile. I straightened up a bit as I looked her over. She had beautiful skin, a little darker than mine, and braids going all the way down her back with some pink synthetic hair mixed in. She had the coolest punk vest on, all decked out in patches, studs, and distressing. I wanted to ask her about them but my social anxiety was making me shrink away.

Johnny didn't seem to notice our exchange at all. He was too busy laughing at something someone said before he got passed a joint. I rolled my eyes and propped my elbow on my knee, setting my chin in the palm of my hand. "You gonna be social or pout all night?" Johnny asked as he exhaled smoked.

I waved it away instantly. "I am being social, I'm here aren't I? Also you know I hate that stuff. Don't blow the smoke around me."

He rolled his eyes and took another hit before passing it onto the next person. "I would like you to at least talk a bit."

"And what you you like me to say Johnny? That I'd rather be in the hotel? Maybe grinding on you until you begged to be inside me? Do you want me to tell them that?" I was getting snippy because of this atmosphere. I never should've agreed to come but I didn't think it would be this bad.

"Don't be a smartass."

"I'm not. It's the truth."

He looked over at me and leaned in to whisper in my ear. "You need to behave and I mean it."

"Or what?" I challenged. "It's a lot for me to take in at once, ok? You of all people should fucking know how anxiety works."

"There's nothing to be anxious about. It's just a party. We gone to parties dozens of times. It's the same thing."

"It's not…" This was like some fashionista bullshit. Like high roller drugs and top tier liquor everywhere. All sorts of people dancing around through flashing lights and thumping music. It was overwhelming and I was uncomfortable seeing people snort coke off of tables or toss back unknown pills. I didn't know how Johnny could stand this either. This exact environment was the one that got him roped into trouble. I knew it affected him so why wasn't he showing it?

"Just chill and talk. These are my friends and it's important that everyone gets along."

And what if I don't like your friends? I wanted to scream. Why did I have to be friends with your friends? Were your friends the ones acting like fools and looking geeked out of their minds. I sure as hell would've thought you'd be smart enough to not be friends with them either. "Fine." Was all I actually said. "I will try."

Johnny turned away, releasing his arm from around my hips to distract himself with someone else. I was hurt that he seemed so intensely peeved about me feeling this way. He was acting brand new, as if I, as if HE, didn't have social anxiety. He handled his differently. He partied more and I got angry before I got drunk. I was in the angry phase currently. I was about to call it quits right then and there when some guy got close and asked me a question. "So you're Johnny's friend?"

"Friend?" I scoffed. "I don't think "friend" is the right term."

"Ohhhh, so like a fuck buddy thing?"

I was totally confused. Had Johnny not introduced me as his girlfriend? I looked over at him for a second, wondering if it was just a miscommunication error or something he blatantly didn't want people to know. "No, were not fuck buddies. We're together."

"Johnny never told us he had a girlfriend. Did you just start dating?"

I grit my teeth and tried my best to stay calm. What the hell? Why hadn't he told them? Did he want to feel single over here? Did he want to fuck other people while I was at home crying over him? I was fuming.

"Kylo, chill with the 20 questions bro." Johnny laughed. "We're just here to have a good time."

"Sorry! I was just curious! I mean, she is pretty cute after all." Kylo said with a wink in my direction.

Johnny just laughed. He didn't get into his usual jealous or dominating role. He fucking laughed. Who was he right now? We had just had three days of paradisal bliss and now at some party he changes into someone I don't know. I wanted to flirt with this Kylo guy to really test Johnny but I also wasn't in the mood for whatever karma would come of it. I crossed my arms over my chest and avoided them both. Instead my eyes landed on the beautiful girl who was chuckling. She mouthed something that looked like "he's wack" and nodded towards Johnny.

"That's for damn sure." I said in agreement. She laughed louder, a really sweet and airy sound. I loved it and could feel myself getting flustered. I didn't know why- well I did. It was because girls made me crumble to my knees faster than any man could. But I shouldn't have been acting this way. It just seemed wrong. Suddenly a shrill voice cut through the high strung atmosphere and before I knew it some girl was draped over Johnny's lap and kissing his cheek.

"Johnny!" She practically squealed. "I knew you'd be here!"

At first I was shocked. All I could really do was take in her incredibly expensive, diamond encrusted bracelets, her Yves Saint Laurent tiny purse, and her chanel sunglasses perched atop of overly processed blonde hair. She was just a little miss Paris hilton who was way too comfortable with my man. He let her hang onto him, even putting an arm around her shoulders. Was it really fucking social if I snapped someone's neck?

"Cassie, babe," He joked. "What are you on tonight?!"

"A little coke, a little molly. Just the usual combo."

"Ugh I fucking hate molly. Never again."

Yeah because that's what you took the night you got assaulted and now you're hanging out with someone who does this on the regular? Nothing made sense. Was he even thinking? Also, what was this 'babe' shit? I was the only one he called that!

"I know, I know! Don't worry. You can just have some Percocets and chill for the night. You're so wound up and tense!" She laid her head on his shoulder and looked up at him with doe eyes. I felt the rage building in my fist and I was dead set on punching her in her fucking designer face.

I pushed Johnny back against the couch and leaned into this chicks face, grabbing her shoulder roughly. "Hi I don't think we've met." I growled. "But you need to get your hands off my-"

She gasped, completely ignoring my anger and not taking me seriously. She reached out a manicured claw to try and touch my hair. "Your curls are so pretty! Oh my god! How do you get them to be so nice?! You know I tried a perm once and-"

I gripped her wrist and yanked her twig like arm away from my head. "Don't. Touch. My. Hair." It was the one thing I absolutely hated. Strangers weren't allowed to touch my hair. Barely anyone was allowed to touch my hair. It was my sacred crown that I took pride in and I'd be damned if little miss cokehead was going to touch it.

"Eri, what the fuck?" Johnny said harshly as he pulled her wrist from my grasp. I glared at him in disbelief. Was he actually defending her?

She rubbed her wrist and held onto him. "Johnny! Why is she being mean?!"

"Oh I'll fucking show you mean." I got up and made a grab for my gauges, ready to square up and get charged with assault. I gave zero fucks right now. I suddenly felt a hand gently wrap around my arm, tugging me away from the situation. "Come walk with me." The beautiful girl from before said. Since Johnny was too fucking busy coddling the bimbo I decided to go with her. I felt a sense of calmness when she touched me, like a connection had suddenly been formed. We moved away from the party altogether and made our way outside to pretentious garden area that was filled with dozens upon dozens of flowers and plants, with a fountain, swing set, and gazebo in the middle of it.

I was shaking, violently so. I dug my hand into my purse to pull out a cigarette from the carton. I set it between my lips and went to light it but I couldn't keep myself steady enough to ignite it. I was two seconds away from tossing the damn thing when she unfolded my tense fingers and took the lighter from me. She cupped her hand around the flame as it burst forth, making sure the wind wouldn't extinguish it as it caught the end of the cigarette.

"Thank you." I said as I took a deep drag.

She slipped the lighter back into my purse, so smoothly that I barely even noticed.

"So you're Johnny's girl?" She asked in a voice that was a bit husky contrary to her laugh.

"I guess barely! What the fuck is his problem? Who is that chick?! I swear to god! I'm about ready to slit her throat! Why didn't he tell anyone that I was-"

"Hey," she cupped my face gently and I instantly shut up. She smiled down at me and rubbed her thumb against my cheek. "Johnny's an idiot. All he does is hang out with Cassie's drugged up ass so he can score free drugs himself. Then Kylo's a fucking douche that gives him all these shrooms and shit. There's barely a time when were all hanging out that Johnny isn't high. Don't sweat him, chica. You could do way better."

"W-wait you mean he does this continuously? What does he take?" My heart suddenly halted from insane race car speed to devastating crash.

"So far I've seen him do shrooms, weed, percocet, acid. Maybe he does more. I'm not sure. But that's what I've seen."

Suddenly I didn't want to be here anymore. Not just at this party, but not in California and certainly not around him. He left me for drugs, a rusted van to live out of, and some bimbo that was making him an addict. "G-great...just what I need right now. That's exactly what I need right now. I came all the way here to try and make us better and he just makes everything worse. It felt so good before...what the fuck is happening."

"So dump him. What the fuck do you need a man for? Come over to the lesbian side, were much better." She teased.

"Oh," I looked up at her for a moment. "I mean, I'm not straight. I'm pretty gay, trust me." I said.

"But you're dating Johnny?"

"And? I'm still gay. Well queer. Honestly it would take me 87 years to explain my labels but the short version is I fuck anyone and I romantically want anyone. This time around it happened to be him."

"Ahh...well the invitation still stands to join us again. Start off with something way better than that jerk, honestly."

I raised an eyebrow and almost coughed on an inhale of smoke. "Are you like...flirting with me?"

"If it's working then yes, if it's not, then no." She smiled. "I'm Aaliyah by the way."

"I'm Eri...I haven't had someone flirt with me in awhile." I laughed a bit nervously. "I mean Johnny doesn't count."

"Nah, nothing he does counts…" We were quiet for a moment but I hated it because it kept me in my feelings. Thankfully she started back up again not long after. "So, you don't live in Cali do you?"

I shook my head. "I go to school on almost the other side of the country. Johnny graduated and took an internship here, got up and moved, and didn't really warn me. We've been rocky ever since. I thought it was getting a bit better. We didn't leave our hotel room for two days and I'm still sore but I guess sex can't fix anything. I mean I knew that but it kinda always did for us."

"Nah, it's just a bandaid for the problems. I would also recommend completely punching Cassie in the face."

"Why'd you stop me then?" I asked.

"Don't need another sis locked up in jail. Rather have you free and without a record. Trust me, I've wanted to deck her myself plenty of times. She thinks she's amazing because she's rich and can afford all this wack shit. She's got a big problem though. She's high on the daily and no one will get her to rehab."

"I can put her ass in a coma and then she'd really detox." I said as tapped out my ashes.

"Your hair is really beautiful by the way." She said, diverting my anger. "But you're not a damn poodle or something where she had to try and pet you." Aaliyah commented.

"Yeah, I get that all the time. Especially because my hair takes up space. I get old people staring at me, little bastard 13 year olds taking snapchats or whatever of me at the store, and white girls trying to touch me without permission. Can I get Solange Knowles in here please?"

"I know exactly how you feel, especially with my braids. Sometimes I just whip my head around real fast to hit someone with them and they can leave me alone."

I smiled and took another drag. "That's a mood. Why can't people understand personal space?"

"They think people like us were meant to be ogled at, ever since we got pushed onto podiums for sale in the slave trade."

"Ain't that a bitch." I sighed and didn't realize I was leaning in towards her until my shoulder brushed against her arm, which she put around my waist.

I left her arm there, not really sure of what I should do. She was really pretty and super cool but I was with Johnny though he was currently acting like an addict who didn't have a care in the world for me. A complete 180 since yesterday. I felt sad and angry all at the same time and really wish I had someone to comfort me since it felt like I was alone in this battle. "I'm sorry to kind of dump this on you. We just met and i'm telling you about all this bullshit with my boyfriend and-"

"Its fine. I wouldn't mind making you feel better. Just tell me what you need."

Ok, definitely flirting and maybe propositioning me for sex? She leaned in, setting both her hands on my waist, and smirking down at me. "U-uh...a drink would be nice. I like drinking."

"Yeah? I can do that for you. What do you like, babydoll?" Aaliyah said.

"Anything dark."

She smirked. "I could tell." She placed a kiss on my cheek that caught the corner of my mouth a little too closely. "I'll be back in a sec."

Aaliyah left then, retreating back inside the house and leaving me to sit on the swing set. I was trying hard not to cry. Iwnas even trying hard not to text Quinn. Hearing their "I told you so's" right now may not be for the best. Their anger would also trigger mine and I would end up as a giant mess. I snubbed the last of my cig into the ground and crushed it beneath my strappy sandal. What the hell was I going to do?

I wiped away the few tears that were starting to spill over. I wanted to go home now. I stared down at my phone and texted Johnny. I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't pretend I was alright at this party now that I had all this newfound information about him. He needed to explain himself and I didn't want it to blow up into a big argument in front of total strangers. He didn't answer back right away, leaving me impatient and more anxious. Aaliyah came back then and handed me a plastic cup. "My special concoction. Drink up."

I tossed it back without another though but regretted it when I felt the sharpest and fiery burn. "Ughh fuck!" There was rarely a time where alcohol made me flinch but this was a disaster. "Jesus, woman, what the hell is in this?"

"Don't worry about it." She said, tipping the cup back again. "It'll get you buzzed easily." Well that was exactly what I needed. I wanted to get stupid drunk. Like walking disaster drunk but I didn't trust her enough yet to do so. "Better with a bit of alcohol in your system now, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess...I asked Johnny if we could just head out."

"You need a man's permission to go somewhere?"

"No, not like that. I mean he drove us here. I don't know my way around here. It's not permission, just...you know."

"Like I said, forget him. We can hang out and chill. Where do you wanna go, hm?"

I scooted a bit away from her, suddenly feeling that moment of calmness wash away. She was being way too friendly and flirty but... should I even try and make Johnny jealous? Would that even do any good? Everything was making me second guess myself. I just wanted everything to go back to being normal. Suddenly I felt her lips on mine which yanked me from my thoughts immediately. My eyes went wide and before I could even raise my hands to push her away I heard Johnny screaming my name. He had stormed over to the swing set and split Aaliyah and I apart. "What the fuck are you doing?!"

Before i could even answer Aaliyah butted in. "She can do whatever she wants."

"THEY don't need to kiss you and they sure as hell aren't going to sleep with you!"

Aaliyah rolled her eyes. "Well THEY seem to need a bit of loving since you'd rather be up Cassie's ass."

"That isn't true! Cassie's just clingy when she's high. It's nothing like that. Eri, get over here."

"You didn't even push her away…" I said. "You just let her hang onto you. You can go on being her druggie boyfriend if you want."

"What? What are you talking about?" Johnny asked, confused.

"You know exactly what I mean. Aaliyah told me about all the shit you're taking. You left me for drugs, some shit van, and partying all the time. Is that what you really wanted? To get away from me?"

Johnny glared at Aaliyah then looked at me. "Come here. We need to talk."

"I'd rather just drink." I whispered.

He tugged me towards him but Aaliyah yanked me back. "Let her go Johnny."

"No, you let them go! They're my girlfriend and we need to talk. Let go."

"Dont pull on me! Either of you!" I dropped both their hands and held my own close to me. "I'll just...i'll just go with him for now and maybe I can come back later or something?" I was giving her false hope of course, but some part of me, amidst confusion, did want to see her again.

She rolled her eyes and stuffed her hands in the pockets of her vest. "Yeah, sure."

Johnny grabbed onto my arm and pulled me away quickly, taking me back to his van. "What the hell are you talking about? Calling me a druggie?? What did she put in your head?"

"She didn't put anything in my head. You're smoking more weed, dropping acid, getting geeked? What the fuck johnny? You had come so far and you're just turning back to who you used to be."

"That's not true. Just because i've tried some stuff doesn't mean i'm a drug addict. How could you say that to me?"

"Because-!" I yelled. "I don't want to date someone like that. It's only time before you try something even harder then i have to find you in a tub with a needle in your arm!"

"Eri, what in the hell are you talking about?! I'm not planning on shooting up heroin or something!"

"Yeah, sure. You can get all you wanted from that stupid bimbo."

"Cassie's a cokehead. She just needs someone to help her." He argued.

"So taking drugs with her is the answer? What is wrong with you?"

"Nothing is wrong with me! Im only 24! I just want to have fun!"

"Well you can have fun without me! I came all this way to fix what we had and you don't care. You don't care at all. You didn't care about leaving me behind. You haven't even said one thing about your internship. You just...you wanted to get away from me. What did i do johnny? What did I do?" I was getting choked up and trying not to cry over him yet again.

"Eri, you didn't do anything. I want new experiences, I want to travel, I want to see the world. I don't want to be cooped up in a boring ass college town. I cant stay there waiting for you to graduate. I needed to do something and this was a good opportunity for me to get out."

"So if you wanted to leave why did you even fucking want me to be your girlfriend?! You said you wouldn't hurt me! You promised, johnny! You! Promised!"

"I'm not trying to hurt you! I just need you to let me spread my wings a bit. It's not like i don't want to be with you. I love you. So fucking much. I'm glad you're here. I want you to be with me."

"Why? So you can fuck me and then ignore me?"

"No! Because-" he sighed and ran his hand over his face. "Even though i want to explore you still keep me grounded. You keep me from going crazy."

"Not really since you're doing all these drugs and partying. How is that being grounded?"

"Why are you so focused on that?! I don't get it!

I slammed my fist against the side of his van. "When you find your fucking uncle overdosed in a bathtub when youre 7 you'll see that drugs arent fucking my thing. And if you try and kill youself in a bathtub you'll spend every second that you're cutting your wrist feeling just like him. Thats why im fucking focused on it Johnny. I didn't even like the fact that you were a pothead when I first met you. That you still are one! But i kept on. I looked past that because i saw you for who you were but i can't look past this."

"Fuck…" He stepped closer to me and I curled away, holding my stinging hand.

"Dont. Just dont…"

He grabbed a hold of me anyway and pulled me to his chest, giving me a hard squeeze. "Babe...i-"

"You called her babe." I snipped.

He exhaled deeply. "It just slipped."

"No it didnt. Dont add liar to your list."

"I'm sorry. I didn't think it was a big deal."

"You don't think anything is a big deal. Do you even want us to be together anymore? Tell me truthfully. Its only been 5 months, Johnny, almost a year if you want to count us fucking around." I shoved him away and glared up at him. "Tell me."

"I…" He pushed his hair back and looked away.

"Oohh!" I laughed as my voice cracked and tears started to fall. "So thats how its going to be? All that shit in the back of your car meant nothing then?"

"I didn't say anything!"

"Your hesitation said it all. Just…take me back to the hotel. I'll see if I can get an earlier flight to go back home."

"No, no, no! Please don't go back home. Eri, i want to be with you. I want to. I want to."

"You want to? Then fucking act like it, Johnny Suh. I dont have time for fucking little boys that want to play games. I want a real man that can own up to his shit and treats me like i'm important. I want my daddy to take care of me and make me feel safe, not make me have to worry about what he's doing states away."

He leaned down and set his forehead against mine. "I want to make you feel all that. Just dont leave yet. I can't have you leave. Will you stay?"

"I don't know. Just take me home. And don't ever bring me to one of his high roller Beverly Hills movie ass parties again. Ever. I mean it."

"I won't, baby." He took my sore hand in his and rubbed his thumb over my knuckles, giving it a gentle massage. "Let’s go back." I got in and crossed my arms over my chest, staring out the window. He got in as well and started up the engine, beginning the semi lengthy drive back. He tried reaching over to set his hand on my leg but I pulled away. "Please don't be like this…"

"Like what? Pissed off?"

"No I mean...just like let me at least try and make it up to you."

"How you gonna do that? Hmm? You would have a hell of a lot of making up to do."

"Let me try. It's the least I can do."

"Fine. Whatever."

We stayed quiet and I closed my eyes, wishing that this whole trip was over. A few tears were still falling down and I left them there, wanting him to see the suffering he caused me. I sniffed a bit and tried not to turn my breath into a hyperventilating mess. The drive seemed too short for us to be at the hotel and when I opened my eyes I saw we had arrived at a beach. Beaches seemed to just pop up whenever you needed them here. I liked that at least about this place. Everything was deserted and the end of the parking area matched up almost perfectly to the sand. "Did I say take me here?" I snapped.

"I know it's not the hotel but I know the beach is your favorite place to be. I’ve messed it up at that beach party last year, and I messed up tonight's party so I was hoping that maybe this would work.”

"Yeah, you messed up the beach. The literal place that is my sanctuary and make me feel close to home. Good job."

He shut off the engine and crawled into the back of the van, opening the back doors. "Can you come here?"

I looked back at him. "What for?"

"Just come." He extended his hand and I reluctantly crawled around the back seat to sit on his mattress, both our legs dangling over the edge. Outside I could see the stars much clearer and the sea breeze was crisp against the overwhelming heat of California. I was thankful to not sweat at least for a moment. "I never meant to hurt you or make you cry, Eri. It wasn't my intention at all. You mean the world to me but we're so intense it can be overwhelming sometimes. And it is true. I did want to get out of our stupid college town. It had nothing to do with you but rather with me being sick of that fucking place. I've been there for years and it drove me crazy. It wasn't to run away from you."

"The internship in of itself," he continued. "Is not exactly what I wanted it to be. I get assignments and stuff but it isn't the exciting stuff I want to do. Mostly I'm in the office doing desk shit and editing photos. I don't mind the editing I just," he shrugged. "It's not thrilling but it'll look good on my resume in the future. As for the drugs...I'm sorry about your uncle, I really am. I'm sorry about how that affected you when you tried to commit suicide. I don't make good decisions. I never really have. Drugs are like my escape. It's nice not to think about shit sometimes. I don't do it nearly as much as Aaliyah made it out to be-which by the way she definitely wanted to fuck you."

"Oh, I know."

"Were you...gonna do it?"

"You're asking me if I was gonna cheat on you?"

"I don't know...I don't think you would've but I know you basically hate me…"

I rolled my eyes. "I don't hate you. Don't be a damn baby. I wasn't going to fuck her. If she tried anything I would've shoved her away just like any man. I want my boyfriend. I just felt lonely. I wanted some comfort…"

He pulled me closer to him and set my head on his chest. "I want you to feel safe. I want you to feel like I love you. I want you to tell me anything and everything. I'm there for you and I fucked up...if you want me to, I can stop doing drugs. Maybe not weed-i got my med card here- but everything else I can."

I sighed and wiped away the leftover tears. "I'm just scared. I've had that feeling since I was a kid. You said you wouldn't do something harder but that's what they all say. Then it gets worse and worse. I was really close to him. He and my mom got into a lot of fights but he cared about me. I didn't know it was bad, I mean, I was just a kid. How was I supposed to know what drugs were? I don't want you to end up like that. I know it seems impossible but it just...haunts me."

He kissed the top of my head and took my wrist in his hand gently. His thumb rubbed over the scar that I tried to hide with tattoos. I never thought he noticed. Maybe he had noticed all my scars. I had tried to tattoo over them all but some were fresher than others. "I can see why and I don't blame you. If I stop taking drugs will you stop drinking? We can get sober together…"

"I can try…" I sad rather sadly and unconfident.

"How much do you drink a day?"

"Never enough to get drunk but a buzz is fine. Couple ales or wine coolers, maybe a bit of brown liquor. Like a fifth of the bottle? Whole bottle lasts me about 5 days or so."

"Christ…"

"Guess I'm a hypocrite, huh?" I came to that pathetic realization all too late.

"No. I don't have that trauma that you do, seeing your uncle and all. But that doesn't mean that I want to lose you to drinking either. Do you still go to therapy?"

"Yeah and get my meds changed but it's been a little...bit worse since you left. Not that I want to put that on you but it's just been happening."

"You can take one of my shirts back if you want. I know it's not much but I know you like them."

I nodded and clung to him, not sure if I completely forgave him but finally feeling like we were at least connecting again. "Do you still sleep with the rillakuma?"

"Of course. I have to now." He chuckled lightheartedly. "It's just as comforting to me as my shirts are to you."

"I sleep in your hoodies sometimes too. They're nice and roomy."

"Yeah I know. You basically have them all." He nudged his face against mine, playfully but also ended up connecting our lips. He paused after we separated but kept his close distance. "Do you forgive me?"

"I don't know yet. I feel a lot of things right now. Maybe I just need some time to think."

"Oh…" He sounded extremely disappointed. "Do you still want to go home?"

"I think I would want to spend a few more nights with you…" I squeezed his hand lightly.

"Thank you. I really want that. I promise to make this trip worthwhile."

"Well...the sex was pretty good at least. My ass still kind of hurts though."

"It was...phew..uh…" He wiped his other hand on his jeans and I saw his cheeks flush.

"You can admit you like anal now, you know."

"I'm on the fence, okay? Let's just leave it at that."

"Mhm...sure."

"Do you want to watch the stars with me?" He asked suddenly. That was a pretty sweet gesture I had to admit. Something straight out of a cheesy romance movie but still sweet nonetheless.

"Yeah, that sounds nice actually."

He scooted back onto the mattress and took off his shoes, tossing them over the back seat. I did the same with my sandals and we both leaned back onto the pillows, looking out into the night sky that was littered with bright white orbs. We didn't say much, just relaxed beneath the moon, hearing the waves lapping at the Earth. Johnny set a soft playlist to play on his phone and kept it beside him, adding something to fill the otherwise silent space between us. I closed my eyes and focused on letting myself go, trying to make my heart less heavy and remind myself why I fell in love with him in the first place. That was when I felt his pinky lock with mine. Memories came flooding back; every time he made me laugh, the hurt we had been through, all the trust that I gave him and no one else. There was so much invested in us. I had no idea if I really wanted to let it go.

He was humming now, softly, strumming his fingers against his chest to the beat. When I looked over I saw that his eyes were closed as well and I wondered what he was thinking about. "Johnny?"

"Yes?"

"What are you thinking about?"

"What am I going to do after this internship is over. I don't know where I want to go. Maybe try and find some jobs in Chicago, maybe New York, cities where I can expand and maybe do a lot more."

"Do you want us to be long distance?"

"Not particularly, no. But I know you want to finish school. That's important. You're not going to quit just because you want to follow me around the world. Maybe when next summer rolls around and you graduate you can come travel with me."

"Do you think we can really be together for a whole other year?"

"Yeah. Don't you?" He asked.

"Yeah...I do." I squeezed his pinky tighter. "I do want to be with you Johnny. For a long long time."

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vicmc624 · 5 years

Text

Surviving Mean Girls

Pairing: Dean X Reader

Word Count: 5101

Summary: When the boys get back from apocalypse world you think you have made new friends, til they start to break you down. (text messages in bold)

Warnings: bullying, eating disorder, alcohol abuse, depression, sexual assualt

Masterlist

The boys arrived back from apocalypse world with a lot of new hunters. The next few days are spent getting them settled in and you meet three new girls. They were friends already and welcomed you into their little group. You enjoyed some girl time with them, showing some of the latest shows you were watching or just hanging out. You are sitting in the kitchen with the girls sipping coffee when Dean walks in.

“Morning sweetheart, ladies.” Dean says heading to the coffee maker. You jump up right away to get him the pancakes and extra bacon you set aside for him.

“You are an angel, thank you.” He says before kissing your forehead and heading out with his plate and coffee. You turn to sit at the table when you notice the girls are all kind of scowling in your direction. You ignore it and sit back down.

“Sorry, so where were we?” you ask.

“You know y/n, you couldn't make your crush on Dean any more obvious. And don't take this the wrong way but I've heard Dean in more into skinny girls. If you want I can help you work on a workout plan. Maybe get in better shape.” Suzie says with a smirk.

“For sure y/n, Becky and I can help too.” Tina adds.

You just sit for a second before getting up from the table. “I'll think about it, I've got some things to take care of. I'll see you guys later.” you say walking out of the kitchen. As soon as you turn the corner you hear the girls break out in laughter. You walk quickly back to your room and lock the door before you let the tears fall. Not only did they know about your feelings for Dean but they commented on your weight. You didn't think you were over weight, at least not til now. You got up and looked in the mirror. Sure you were curvier then the other girls but you were toned. You worked hard to get over your eating disorder you had in high school, to get to a healthy weight but what they said was like a punch in the gut. Were you just fooling yourself. You knew they were right, Dean would never go for someone like you. You spent the rest of the day in your room, not wanting to be around anyone. The next morning you were at the coffee maker when Dean walked in. He noticed you were a little more quiet then usual and asked what was wrong. Just then Suzie walked in with Tina and Becky close behind.

“I'm fine Dean, just didn't sleep much.” you said with a shrug.

“Well I'm here if you need me, to talk or just hang out. It's been a while since we watched a good movie in my room together.”

Just then your phone dinged. You looked down and saw it was in the group text you are in with the girls.

Suzie: look at her acting all pathetic just to get his attention. The fat skank needs a life.

Becky: Ikr, could she be any more obvious.

Tina: I'm sure she does this all the time to get Dean's attention, looks like it works.

Suzie: Right?! A movie in his room. How desperate is she?

You looked up from your phone to see Dean still staring at you. “I'm sorry, what?”

“A movie in my room later?”

“Sorry Dean, I've already got plans today. Rain check?”

“Sure thing sweetheart” He kissed your forehead before walking away and you left right after, not even talking to the girls. How could they talk about you like that. Did they forget you were part of that group chat. Either way you thought they were your friends. You went back to your room again and stayed in there. Day 2 with no food, but you didn't care. You were embarrassed and you didn't know what to do. If you say something, it would cause a big scene. They did have a really hard time in their world, maybe they just needed time to remember how to be around people without a constant war. The next day everything changed. Dean said yes to Micheal and was gone. Everyone was scrambling to try and find him. You were trying to be there for Sam putting your hand on his shoulder while he sat at the table, when your phone dinged again.

Suzie: look at her now, all over Sam too. What a slut!

Tina: Deans only been gone a day and she moved on already.

Becky: Pathetic!

You slowly removed your hand and backed away from Sam. He was busy on his lap top and didn't notice. Over the next weeks you spend a lot of time in your room. You were barely eating and only when there were people around. You started jogging every afternoon to clear your head. You had a perfect trail through the woods that led into town right by your favorite bar. You would head in for a few whiskeys before jogging back to the bunker. You had lost weight, almost 20 pounds so far. You started drinking more too. Not just at the bar but alone in your room. The messages kept coming in, not all mean things about you but most were.

Suzie: Does she really think jogging is going to help her. If Dean comes back he still won't want her. I'm going to make sure he wants me.

Becky: You are a way better fit for him.

Tina: I know, you would make such a cute couple.

Another few weeks pass and there is news finally. They think Micheal is in Duluth so Sam heads up there with Mary and Bobby. Sam is worried about you so he asks you to stay behind. You look in the mirror and see the dark circles and you cheeks look sunken in a little. You've lost more weight and you get dizzy sometimes. You do your usual jog to the bar and when you get back you head to the fridge to get some water. You hear some commotion before heading out to the war room. Dean is there hugging Jack and you can't help but run up to him. All this time without him you missed him. You wrap your arms around him and he lifts you off the ground.

“Dean are you ok? I've missed you so much.”

“You are a sight for sore eyes sweetheart. I've missed you too. I'm fine. I'm going to get cleaned up.”

You could tell he was disoriented with all the new people staring at him. You wanted to go to him after his shower but your phone dinged again.

Suzie: Did you see y/n, give the guy a break. He just got back. I thought she was gonna jerk him off right there.

Becky: That's one way to get his attention, lol. Prob wouldn't be the first time.

Why did you keep torturing yourself by reading them. Who knows but instead you walked back to your room and took a shot from your bottle. It's like all these feelings you thought you were over are coming back. Like you knew you weren't good enough. Why fight it. You sank down in the corner and took shots until you passed out. You woke up when your door opened, you were laying on the floor in the corner of your room with the bottle still in your hand. Dean walked in to tell you they were leaving to Sioux Falls but when he saw you on the floor he rushed over to you.

“Y/n, are you ok?”

“Me, yeah, I'm good. You know just celebrating you coming home. Guess I got a little carried away.”

“Are you sure there's not something else? You look like you've lost weight and Sam tells me you have been hiding out in here drinking.”

“It was just hard without you. But really, I'll be ok.”

“Well we are heading out to follow up on a lead, should be back in a couple days. Then we are going to sit down and talk. The three of us.”

“Ok Dean. Good luck, drive safe.”

He leans down and kisses your cheek before snatching the bottle out of your hand.

“No more drinking.”

“Yes Dad,” you say and roll your eyes.

What he doesn't know is you have other bottles stashed in your room. You were debating on another drink when Mary knocked on your door.

“Hi, y/n, how's it going?”

“Let me guess, the boys told you to keep an eye on me?”

“They are just worried. You haven't been yourself lately. Come on, get showered. We are going to have a girls day. Some lunch, maybe a movie. I won't take no for an answer.”

You grumbled under your breath before getting up and heading to the bathroom. All your clothes were fitting loose but you liked it better that way. You felt safer when people couldn't see your body. Once you were showered and ready you met Mary in the library and your heart sank. Apparently girls day included all the girls in the bunker. Suzie was standing there with Becky and Tina before she walked up and gave you a big hug.

“Isn't this exciting y/n, we've barely been out of the bunker since we got here.”

Once she let you go you all made your way to the garage. You had to take two cars and Becky piped up, “Y/n can ride with us!” Great. You moved to the back seat and closed the door. At the diner they insisted on sitting close to you. When the waitress arrived Suzie spoke up to order for you. “Oh I know y/n's favorite food from here is the bacon cheeseburger, extra bacon. She talks about it all the time.”

Mary looked over at you so you just said yes to the food. She kept watching you eat. I'm sure Dean had probably told her about your struggles with weight. You finished the whole thing and started feeling sick. Before you could get up Suzie said, “Aren't you going to get your usual pie?”

“No thanks, I'm full.” You shot her a glare before getting up. You knew you were going to throw up. The food was just too much so you excused yourself to the bathroom. After throwing up you came back out to see Mary and Suzie talking. You let her know you weren't feeling well and you were going to head back to the bunker. It wasn't that far to walk. She was about to say something when Suzie interrupted her. “Remember that battle in Dayton. I was so proud of us all working together, like a family.” You rolled your eyes and walked out the door before Mary turned back around. You were going to walk to the bunker but instead you headed to the bar for a few.

The next day Dean and Sam were back but something was off with Dean. You could tell he was upset about something so you stopped by his door to ask him. You saw Tina coming down the hall so you just went back to your room. You were holed up in your room and Dean was holed up in his. Sam found a case with killer toys and went to tell Dean about it. Dean was excited for this hunt and Sam suggested bringing you. You hadn't all hunted together since before they went to the apocalypse world. Sam knocked on your door while Dean packed.

“Y/n, come on get packed. We found a case. Wheels up in 10.”

“Sam are you sure you want me to come, there are plenty of other hunters here.”

“Of course, it will be like old times. You have been cooped up in here for months. I think the open road will do some good. Did I happen to mentions, it's killer toys.”

“Really? I'll be there in 5!” He knew that would peak you interest. You and Dean were so much alike. Being in the car with them felt like home. Just the three of you, when you stopped for food you ordered just a salad. Dean raised his eye at you but said nothing. Once you were at the hotel for the night it was dinner time. Sam left to get food and you and Dean just spent time chatting.

“Y/n you gotta talk to me, what is going on with you really?”

“Nothing, it's just been hard having the bunker so crowded, you know.”

Just then Sam walked in with pizza. You knew you would have to eat it and they would know if you threw up in the bathroom. Just breath, you will be fine. You had only one slice and Dean was again watching you. But you ignored him. “I'm going to go run and get some ice”, you said. You grabbed the bucket and went behind the motel first. You threw up quickly in the dumpster before getting the ice. They glanced up at you but stayed silent. You all turned in for the night and you waited for them both to be asleep before you laid down on the floor and quietly started doing sit ups. You tried to be as quiet as you could but you were getting tired and it was harder to stop the noises of exertion from leaving your lips. Dean flicked on the light while you were mid sit up.

“Y/n what are you doing, it's like 3 in the morning.”

“I couldn't sleep and since I didn't jog today I figured I do a little exercising til I got tired. Sorry I woke you up.” you said as you got up and went to the bathroom. Dean was back to sleep when you got out. You knew you wouldn't hear the end of it.

The next day you were interviewing the man who was attacked and he denied the whole thing. After waiting in the Impala for a while you saw him run out bleeding. You and Dean stayed with him at the hospital while Sam when back to the comic book shop. Pretty soon Dean got a call from Sam letting him know that the ghost has possessed the David Yaeger action figure and was on the way to the hospital. You were waiting with Dirk when it got really cold, after all the lights started flickering and the dresserer drawers opening and closing he freaked out running out of the room. You ran after him and then you saw the David Yaeger figure in front of you. You ran with Dirk the opposite way. While you were running you started feeling dizzy again. No, No, not now. You turned the corner and fainted. Dirk yelled for help trying to wake you up when Dean found you.

“What happened?”

“We were just running and she fainted.”

He scooped you up and carried you with him. He ended up with you and Dirk in the morgue. The figure sat up from under a sheet and Dean started fighting it. Sam and Samantha from the comic store got there in time and the burned the key chain tying the ghost there. Sam saw you laying on the floor and got scared.

“Dean what happened, is y/n ok?”

“Yeah I think so, Dirk said she fainted while they were running.”

Dean started to pick you up when you came to.

“Dean are you ok? What happened?”

“That's my line don't you think, considering you're the one who fainted while running from a ghost! No more of I'm fine bull shit. What is going on with you?”

“I already told you it's nothing. I don't know what you want me to say. I think I'm coming down with a cold. Been feeling sick all week.” You got up and started walked to the exit. “You guys coming? I just want to get home.”

Back at the bunker, you were back in your room again, there goes for phone dinging. Don't check it. Don't check it.

Suzie: I heard the boys talking, she practically almost ruined the hunt for them. She fainted in the middle, almost getting a guy killed. Talk about attention whore.

Becky: Good thing the guy is ok. I told you it should have been you on that hunt. I hear she's never been that good at hunting.

Tina: They probably just keep her around because they feel sorry for her.

Fuck it. You put on your leggings, a tank top and your favorite baggy sweatshirt. Pull on your sneakers and head out the door. You push open the bunker door when you hear Dean behind you.

“Y/n wait! We need to talk!”

“Can't, going on a run. You can keep up we will talk.”

With that you sprint off down your path. You know he doesn't run, you glance back and he is just staring at you. You make it to the bar in 30 minutes and order a drink. After a couple more you start to head back. About 30 yards into the woods you feel dizzy again and collapse. When you wake up there is someone on top of you. You punch him in the face and he hits you back before he pulls a knife out of his pocket. Holding it to your throat. You recognize him from the bar. He's been there a lot lately. When he is finished he moves the knife and you hit him again. He stabs the knife into your side and you can't stop the scream from escaping your lips. You pull the knife out of your side and slam it into his chest before he could stand up. He collapses with his pants still down and you slowly get up. You pull your leggings up and hold pressure to your cut making your way back to the bunker. It takes you longer to get home since you can't jog. You pull up your hood and slowly open the door. No one is in the war room so you make your way through the hall to your room. You don't notice the trail of blood you are leaving behind. You make it to your room and get your first aid kit out. You carefully take off your sweatshirt and splash some whiskey on the wound before attempting to stitch. You still feel so dizzy and you could tell you've lost a lot blood. The blood is pouring out faster than you thought and then you hear a knock at your door.

“Y/n open the door. Are you ok? There's blood out here.”

“Just a minute Dean, I'm fine.”

He starts picking your lock when he hears a crash. He kicks the door open to see you laying in a pool of blood.

“Sam! Mom! Help me!”

He picks you up and rushes to the infirmary. Sam sees you in Dean's arms.

“What happened?”

“I don't know, she went for a jog and I was going to see if she was back yet. Been trying to talk to her. I saw a trail of blood, I knocked and she told me to hold on. I tried picking her lock, but I heard a crash and just kicked the door in. It looks like she was trying to stitch this herself. It looks like a stab wound. And Sammy look at her face.” Dean sniffs trying to hold back the tears. He pushes the hair out of your face to show a bruise forming on your cheek. Sam is holding pressure to the wound. Mary rushes in, “oh my god, is she ok?”

“She's lost a lot of blood, we need to take her to the hospital for an transfusion.”

“No we don't, I have the same blood type as her, just hook me up to her while you stitch the cut.”

Mary takes over holding pressure while Sam puts an IV in your arm and connects it to the one in Dean's. He goes back over to your wound and pushes up your tank top for a better look. They all gasp when they realize they can see your ribs and hips sticking out.

“Sam did you know she had lost so much weight? Why would she do that, I thought she had it under control. Something must have triggered it.”

“I don't know, but when she is better, we are all gonna sit down and talk whether she wants to or not.”

After stitching you up you start to stabilize. They remove the IV from Dean and start working to clean you up. Sam had left to get you some pajamas to change you into while Mary got a rag with a bowl of water to clean up all the blood and dirt. Dean removed your tank top but before removing your leggings he took your phone out of the pocket. Sam arrived with your clothes and helped get your leggings off. They all gasped in shock when they saw blood and bruises on your thighs. Dean started crying and kissing your head. Sam and Mary were crying too but they continued to clean you up and get you into your clean pajamas before settling you down on the bed in the infirmary. You still hadn't woken up and Dean was starting to worry. Then he heard your phone ding, then ding again and again. He finally got tired of it and checked to see who it was in case it was an emergency.

Suzie: OMG did you hear, y/n pulled another stunt for attention. Apparently she was bleeding but I wouldn't put it passed her to hurt herself for attention. She seem like the cutting type.

Becky: Def. She always wants everyone's focus on her. Can't stand it.

Tina: Once Dean realizes how pathetic she is, he's gonna be yours for sure. Wish she would just leave already.

Suzie: Yeah or that she would just cut deep enough to put us all out of our misery. HAHA!

Dean read the messages and just got more and more mad. Then he scrolled all the way to the top and read them all. Everything he needed to know was right there. Why she was so distant, why she stopped eating. How could those girls do that to her. She is the nicest person he knew. And he knew it was not accident y/n was included in the group chat. They wanted her to ready those messages. He could feel the rage boiling in his blood. He thought back to all the drinking the night he came back, he read the messages from then and put it together with finding her passed out on her floor. Jogging to the bar every day. All the dizziness and fainting from not eating. It took everything in his power to not go find those girls and kill them on the spot. Sam walked in and saw the anger in his eyes.

“Dude, what is it?”

Dean couldn't even speak, he just handed Sam y/n's phone. He could see the anger taking over Sam too. They would deal with this but for now they just sat and waited. A few hours later your eyes opened and you saw the boys and Mary sitting there. Dean was holding your hand. You started crying and couldn't stop. He held you tight til your breathing finally slowed down.

“Sweetheart, what happened? Tell us who did this to you?”

You could sense his barely controlled anger while he was talking. You looked down at your hands before answering.

“He was a guy I recognized from the bar. He's been there a lot when I go lately. I was heading back to the bunker when I fainted again. I woke up and........”, you start sobbing again. Mary is holding your hand while Sam is rubbing your back and Dean is on your other side.

“It's ok y/n, take your time.” Dean whispered.

“He was on top of me, I punched him and he hit me back. Then he pulled the knife out and held it to my throat while he finished. When he was getting off of me he moved the knife. I hit him to try and get the knife away and he stabbed me. That's when I pulled the knife out of my side and stabbed him in the chest. I didn't want him to get away or try to follow me or kill me.”

“Why didn't you call us, we could have came to help you get back. But instead you head to your room without asking for help. You could have died!”

“I didn't want to bother anyone or for anyone to see me like that. I really thought I could stitch it on my own.”

“So is the guy alive?”

“I don't know, I left quick but I got him mid chest with the knife.”

“Tell me where this happened y/n, I'll go check it out.” Sam said.

“About 30 yards away from the bar through the woods. I have a special path I take....”

“I know your path, I've followed you before.” Sam got up and left and Mary left too.

Dean brushed the hair out of your face and kissed your forehead before speaking again. “Is it because of those girls y/n?”

“What do you mean?”

“I read your messages. I heard it going off after we stitched you up and when it didn't stop I checked it. I'm so sorry you had to read all those vile messages. I can't believe they would deliberately hurt you like that.”

“I should have just ignored them, but you were gone, Sam was busy taking care of everyone and I didn't want to bother him. I tried not to let it get to me, but I wasn't strong enough. I let them win and gave them what they wanted.”

“You are the strongest person I know. I want you to know we already talked to Bobby and they are leaving the bunker. I can't have those type of people here. Ones that try to hurt other hunters. And as for you. I need you healthy again, so until you gain some weight and quit drinking, you are benched from hunting. But I need you to hear me, everything those girls said it wrong. Everything. You were not fat, you are not pathetic, you are a great hunter. And most importantly, I could definitely be into a person like you. Because I am into you.” With that he leans down and gently brushes his lips to yours. “Do you mind if I lay with you and hold you. I was so scared I was going to lose you before I got to tell you....I love you.”

You stared at him for a second before scooting over in the bed. He lays down with his arms open, after you snuggle into his chest you say, “I love you too Dean.”

You eventually drift to sleep before Sam walks in the room. “Well?” Dean asks. “I found him, he's dead. Got rid of the body and cleaned up all the evidence. Did you talk to her about those girls?”

“Yeah, they really hurt her, had her doubting everything about herself. I want to be there when we give them the news that they are out of here.”

“First thing in the morning. I'll come get you before the meeting.”

The next morning you are still sleeping in his arms when he gently slide out from under you, placing a pillow under your head. He walks out to the library where Sam is waiting, Bobby walks in with the three girls. He recognized them but didn't know who is who.

“Morning girls, which one of you is Suzie?” Dean asks.

She got a sultry smile before raising her finger, “that's me!”

“So you're the one who started all this, from the very beginning. I don't like high school bullying crap in my bunker. I found all your little messages on y/n's phone. Is that really how you treat a fellow hunter. I'm sure you didn't know that she had an eating disorder that I helper her work through. Or that she deals with depression and anxiety. Of course not, because you don't care about what other people go through. You only care about bringing them down. You tried to knock her down to make yourself feel better, and you two went along with it. Oh and Suzie, you're definitely are not my type, I'm not in to evil skanks. So you three need to go to your rooms and pack. You are no longer welcome here. We will set you up with some fake ID's and one of our safe houses. Give you a little money and fake credits cards to make it a few months then your on your own.” He turns to walk away but turns back, “pray I never see you again, because no one get away with hurting the woman I love.”

Dean is carrying you out of the infirmary when you see the girls walking out with their bags. They all glare at you but Dean just giggles and continues on. The next few weeks are hard. Nightmares every night, plus quitting drinking cold turkey is affecting you. You are trying to eat more but since you are dealing with the withdrawal you are shaking and have no appetite. You are throwing up even if you don't eat and you have had several hallucinations of the man who attacked you that left you screaming in the corner of your room. The boys stayed by your side the whole time and you eventually got better. You started gaining weight again and got stronger. Dean helped you through the nightmares and you grew closer to him everyday. You still had Micheal to deal with, and all the other monsters out there, but you had each other. You knew that you would be able to handle anything else life threw at you.

#dean x reader #dean winchester x reader #dean x reader imagine #dean winchester x reader imagine #dean x reader fanfic #dean x reader fanfiction #dean winchester x reader fanfic #dean winchester x reader fanfiction #spn #spn famdom #spn fanfic #spn fandom #supernatural fanfiction

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petuniatom · 6 years

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Dangerous Animals || Tom Holland x Reader Mystery AU

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: In which you are an unsolved mystery enthusiast and when a murder happens in your own town, you don’t even know where to begin. It’s now up to you and your friends to uncover the truth.

Warnings: language probs, also mentions of death

A/N: welcome to the new & improved ch. 1 of “dangerous animals”

Series masterlist

Want to be on my tag list for this story?

You woke up that Friday morning much earlier than you were used to. Glancing back now, it feels almost like your body was warning you that something was coming, something unnatural for your city and for you all together. You should have paid more attention then, should have seen the signs before it all happened.

It was strange stirring in your bed at the time, only to hear the chirping birds outside your window as they greet the first burst of sunlight on the horizon instead of the quietness of the afternoon you usually hear. It was still fairly dim in your bedroom, and Tom — usually the early riser — wasn’t even up. You glanced over at the clock on your nightstand, noting the time of 6:03 a.m. that sits on its screen in red type. And while you want to go back to sleep, you know that you’re already up, and there’s no going back now.

So, you slid out of your bed, being careful not to wake up your boyfriend whose light snores were currently echoing around the room. He looked adorable, almost angelic, in between your white sheets. His hair is mussed and his face is void of any tension. It’s the last time you’ll see him this calm for a while.

You avoided that spot in your hardwood floor that usually creaks when someone approaches it, and slipped out of your bedroom. You decided to take a quick shower and once you saw a big red star marked on your calendar for the next day, you figured that a nice breakfast would help your boyfriend a lot.

You whipped together some French toast, eggs, and breakfast potatoes, all of which you knew Tom favored in the mornings. When you finally wrapped up, your bedroom door swung open again and Tom stepped out. He had a confused expression across his face, which quickly disappeared once he laid eyes on you.

“Morning darling,” he greeted, coming up to give you a quick peck on the lips. You smile and hand him a plate full of food. “You didn’t have to do this, you know.”

“I know,” you replied, “but I was up anyway and I figured you needed it. Is it the short film you helped out with coming up?”

He shook his head. “Nah, just a wedding video, but these are some fairly important clients that could lead to something bigger in the future. I told you that Harrison is filling in for me today?”

You nod your head. “He knows what time we start?”

“I gave him the full brief of how things work and he knows to call if he has any problems.”

You let out a long sigh. “It’s gonna be weird without you. First pod you’re not there for.” He frowned and gave your hand a comforting squeeze.

“I know, love, but it’ll be great.”

***

Some people were interested in Greek mythology, others in science. Growing up, you were always worried when you didn’t quite find your niche thing to be obsessed about. While all the other kids talked about their love of horses or in Pokémon, you always tucked yourself in the back corner and buried yourself in a Nancy Drew book.

Soon, Nancy Drew and Scooby Doo turned into an obsession with Psych, Criminal Minds and Law & Order: SVU. You remembered when you were younger, how you laid across your floor to listen to Nancy Grace figure out more about the Casey Anthony trial. You’d obsessively scroll through Washington Post, CNN, and other news outlets’ justice or crime section. It wasn’t until you were older that you realized true crime was your hobby, your niche.

So, you went to school and got a degree in journalism. And about halfway through your university career, you’d gone to a college party, gotten drunk, and started talking about the details of the Texas Killing Fields. Other people slowly floated away, becoming uninterested in the conversation and not understanding why you wanted to talk about something so horrific. Across the room, there was a girl who looked at you with pure excitement stretched across her face. She practically leaped over to you and said, “Tell me everything.”

About a year later, you and her became best friends. Her name was Zendaya Coleman, different than yours, but you were pretty sure she was a carbon copy of you otherwise. You’d watch Psych together, and then rewatch it over and over again once the series ended. Other times, you’d stay up late and watch documentaries about unsolved cases and general ones centered on the justice department.

One day, you had a broadcast journalism cast final you needed help with in terms of filming. You’d been recommended Tom in passing conversation for help, and soon, you met him for coffee and told him all the ideas you had. (At the time, you hadn’t noticed the sudden glimmer in his eye when he looked at you. It wouldn’t be for a few more months that you would.) When he came over to your house later that week, you finished the project together, with Zendaya co-anchoring, and celebrated its completion over wine.

When both you and Z went into your usual drunk talk about unsolved cases, Tom looked at the two of you with interest and then spit out, “Holy shit, have you guys ever thought of making this a podcast?”

And now, nearly three years later, a drunk idea led to success you never could dream about. It took you a while to actually kick off the podcast — two years after that fateful night. Now, a year into the whole gig, your podcast was consistently in the top 50 on the iTunes charts, and you had a whole fan base that always engaged with you on all social media.

You hosted it with Zendaya once a week. Episodes usually ranged for about an hour and a half, filled with your dialogue surrounding situations with serial killers or cults. Tom worked as the quiet producer, who always sat silently in the corner to make sure your microphones were consistently operating at the level they should be.

It was a nice way to live. You had a flexible schedule, and though you had plans for an upcoming tour, you could all stay in your respective homes within your quiet town.

When the knock came at your door that day, you took a quick peek through the peephole in your door, smiling when you saw your best friend on the other side. You swung the door open, immediately greeting her with a hug.

“Hey Z,” you greeted. You opened the door wider, noticing she had a bag in hand.

“I went to Cheesecake Factory earlier, and you know I hella brought cheesecake back,” she said. She plopped the bag on your table. You opened the bag, a smile coming to your face when you saw the slice of Oreo cheesecake she bought for you. You thanked her, shuffling around your drawers and cabinets for plates and cutlery. When you returned with the proper dishware, you noticed the off expression on your friend’s face. She was looking around thoughtfully, like something wasn’t quite sitting right with her.

“What’s up?” you asked, passing the plate over. She pulled out her own slice of cheesecake from the bag.

“I think this is the first time I’ve come to your home and Tom hasn’t been here,” she joked. “Even when we’re not recording, he’s almost always here.” You laughed at the observation.

“He actually chose to go to his home today. He’s got a big deadline coming up this weekend, and said I was ‘too distracting.’” You pulled out the air quotes at the end, and Zendaya rolled her eyes playfully.

“Boy needs to learn to keep his dick in his pants,” she teased, taking a bite out of her cheesecake. “But if Tom isn’t here, who’s gonna be the sound guy?” You bit your lip.

“Okay, so hear me out,” you said, raising up your hands already defensive. Zendaya deadpanned.

“Please tell me Tom didn’t hire Colton Lancaster,” she begged. You narrowed your eyes.

“What? No, ew.” She let out a sigh of relief. “Why would you even—“

“He’s the only other audio guy I know in town! His news podcast is a little bit boring content wise, but he’s got some nice audio going.” You giggled and shook your head.

“Nah, apparently, Harrison has audio experience.” Zendaya raised her eyebrows.

“Quiet one? Stutters when he does talk?” You laughed.

“He was only nervous because he thinks you’re cute! But yeah, him. Tom told me when they did theater together back in high school he was always the sound guy before he made his debut on the stage.”

“Oooh okay Harrison, I see you. When is he coming?” You checked your watch.

“He said he’s going to run a little bit late, but he should be here in about three more minutes.”

As if you summoned him yourself, the doorbell rang. You glanced at the door, then back at your friend, “Or maybe right now.”

You strode over to the door again, swinging it open and greeting the man of the hour. Harrison looked a little bit lost as he stepped into the foyer of your home. He had a backpack slung on his back and his hands were digging in his pockets.

“Hey Harrison,” Zendaya called out. “You like cheesecake?” Harrison blushed slightly.

“Uh, hey Zendaya. And uh, yeah, I do…” He looked back over at you, seeking some reassurance. You gave him a nod.

In truth, you still didn’t know Harrison that well, despite dating his roommate for a little over two years at this point and seeing him more than a handful of times. Yet, you still considered him a good friend, and Tom told you Harrison thought the same of you. Maybe you weren’t knowledgeable on the intimate details of his life, but you understood him and his quietness. And most of all, you respected each other.

“Zendaya bought some from Cheesecake Factory,” you explained, as you stepped into your main dining area.

“You can have the other half of my slice,” Zendaya offered. “I’m stuffed.”

“Oh, thanks,” Harrison replied. “I should probably start on getting you lot set up though.”

Zendaya waved it off and said, “No rush.” He shot you a look, silently asking for your permission.

“Yeah, c’mon Harrison, hang out with us for a bit. We’re just chatting.”

With that, he smiled, plopped in the chair next to Zendaya, and started eating the cheesecake she offered him.

“So, what’s the tea in your life, Harrison?” you asked.

He raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“Anything exciting going on? New shows you’re involved in?” He shook his head.

“Just summer classes, lots of studying. I work at Soul Cycle, which is laid back.” He shrugged, then seemed to mull over something. “Though, we did have a couple arguing today in the shop. Don’t know about what, but it’s the most exciting thing to happen in there in a week.”

“That’s the trinket shop on the east side of town right?” Zendaya asked. Harrison nodded his head.

“Very small, but pays well.” Zendaya looked at you pointedly.

“We need to go there.”

You let out a short laugh. “Why?”

“They have crystals! With all the shit that we talk, we probably need to cleanse our energies,” Zendaya insisted. “Besides, we can see Haz.”

He blushed at the nickname and you tried to hold back a smile.

“It’s not a bad idea,” he murmured. Zendaya gave you an “I-told-you-so” look. “Really, I never used to believe in any of that. Always thought it was rubbish, but then Madame Auboin changed my life around.” He shrugged. “You never quite know what’ll happen to you. Best to take some preventative measures to make sure you’re keeping all of that out.”

And so finally, you agreed to go with Z and Harrison after enough convincing. Besides, everyone in town loved the owner, Diane Auboin.

After more conversation and eating, you finally went into your spare room that acted as your recording studio. Harrison sat at the computer, prepping everything up in the room, while you went over your unsolved crime again silently in your head and scrolled through the main talking points on your phone.

He gave you both the cue to start and you gave the introduction. “Welcome to ‘Anatomy of a Murder,’ where we dissect all the creepy shit serial killers pull so you don’t have to. Because let’s face it, it’s hard balancing work life with fighting off creeps.”

You were about halfway through the show when your phone started ringing loudly. Zendaya stopped mid-sentence and asked, “Did you forget to put your phone on Do Not Disturb?”

You shook your head. “Um, no, it’s Tom actually. He knows we’re recording, so he wouldn’t call unless something’s up.

Harrison pressed the stop recording button on the computer and you picked up the phone.

“Hey babe, you okay?” you asked, stepping out of the room.

“Oh, Y/N, thank God. You’re at home, right? Harrison and Zendaya are still with you?” he asked. There was traces of panic in his voice and you grew more concerned.

“Yeah… why? What’s going on?”

“Stay put, I’m on my way to your house right now. Don’t move, okay darling?”

“I won’t,” you promised, hanging up. You stepped back into the recording studio. “Tom just did the weirdest—”

But you stopped speaking when you saw their facial expressions. They were both staring in horror out of something on Zendaya’s phone. They both looked up at you and you saw Harrison visibly gulp.

“What’s up?” you inquired. Zendaya looked up at Harrison, then back at you, clearly at a complete loss at words.

Finally, she spoke, “They found a body out by Kinakee Lake. Well, two actually.”

She passed you the phone and you saw a photograph of police vans over by the lake on the outskirts of the city limits. The headline read, “Two found dead at Kinakee Lake,” and naturally, had Colton Lancaster’s byline.

You heard the door ring and swallowed, passing the phone back over. “That has to be Tom,” you said.

You usually check the peephole before you open the door, but in your pure panic and eagerness to see your boyfriend, you neglected to do so. So, you swung the door open again that day, shocked when you saw a man and a woman standing at your front door with police badges adorning their suits.

“Are you Y/N Y/L/N?” the female officer asked.

“Yes, that would be me,” you answered.

“You’re wanted at the police station for questioning over two bodies recently discovered at Kinakee Lake.”

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