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iamgodsoopsie · 4 months

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Astarion Headcanons (that you probably won't like) Pt. 1:

Part 2 link

BG3 does an excellent job at depicting SA trauma and the beginning of the healing process/journey. Many of the headcanons I've seen floating around (intentionally or unintentionally) gloss over the uglier side of healing from (prolonged) trauma. I'm not judging anyone for magically healing him, he's fictional after all, but I'd like to make some more ...realistic... headcanons.

Disclaimer: Everyone's healing process looks different, but they tend share commonalities. These headcanons are based on my own experiences. Not everyone who is healing from their trauma will experience what I have or have experienced it like I have.

[Please don't message me with explicit details about your trauma. I am at the point in my healing journey where I can share my experiences, and commiserate with other's similar experiences, but I am unable to support others in a more personal manner at this time. I wish you the best of luck in your healing process/ journey.]

Spoiler warning

Mental illness, SA, & DV Trigger Warnings

These headcanons are based on an Astarion who is still a spawn and romantically involved with a Tav who honestly loves him and isn't abusive or manipulative. Also Cazador is dead and Astarion got to stab him. They also assume that he himself does not turn into Cazador 2.0 or Wish.com Cazador.

He needs a LOT of love and patience. Which, frankly, many people don't have.

He's messy af. If "Damn bitch, you live like this?" was a person it'd be him. C-PTSD is a hell of a drug. I think he wants to be more organized and clean than he is, it's just going to be a looong process for his inside appearance to match his outside appearance. (His appearance may stay mostly the same or drastically change).

---Don't believe me? Just look at the outside of his tent: it's mostly organized and sophisticated, but the inside is messy and he sleeps on a plank of wood with a threadbare stained blanket.

He'll struggle with control issues rooted in his anxiety until he finds a way to channel that energy in to something productive and/or healthy.

---He'll veer between controlling micromanager (aggressive) and door mat (people pleasing/ passive) until he finds his (assertive) middle ground.

Anger issues ahoy! He went through "200 years of shit. PURE SHIT!" and had to dissociate/repress his feelings to 'survive'.

---Stabbing Cazador was cathartic, but it only released the surface level of his repressed rage.

-----An interesting line from the game that I haven't seen enough people talk about: When you tell Astarion to keep his cool when Cazador is goading him, Cazador scoffs and sarcastically asks Tav if they've witnessed his "fits of rage". (Of course a "fit of rage" to Cazador is probably Astaion having a slight frown when Cazador wants him to smile and be a pretty toy to show off.)

He will try to push you away and 'test' you to see if you stay consistent in respecting him and his boundaries. He needs to make sure you don't turn into a Cazador when you two are in an argument. He needs to be sure that his "No" is respected when in a steamy moment after a dry spell.

---This probably won't be as intense as it otherwise would've been because of what you two went through together, but he'll still do it.

-----He probably doesn't realize what he's doing, and when he does he'll shame spiral.

I hope you are prepared to patiently give lots of reassurance and affirmation about the same things over and over again.

---It'll sometimes seem as though he is seeking permission, but if you ever act as though you are giving him permission instead of affirmation/ reassurance he will become very defensive.

He's indecisive but unwilling to listen to your input.

---He went from 200 years of having no control or ability to make his own decisions to suddenly being free, he's going to feel overwhelmed.

-----He'll eventually realize that you have his best interest at heart and that you are not telling him what to do, you're offering suggestions to help him make an informed decision.

There's so much more but I'm tired. He'll eventually heal and live a happy and healthy life, but it'll be a bumpy road to get there.

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king-of-the-mouseboys · 8 months

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[Sorry I took so long, I literally had to wrangle some chickens and ended up passing out but I'm here now and I hope you enjoy this idea brought on by vampire/cowboy post :] I've never actually written vampire-related-anything so please lemme know if there's something you didn't like, or if I crossed any boundaries! /genuine]

After your surgery, I'm practically beaming at how proud of you I am that you've made it this far, and gone through this step in your transition. I'm always encouraging you to drink water when you get home, giving you kisses anytime I come back inside from working around the house, curling up on the couch to watch movies so you don't get lonely with not being able to do much.

But I can't help it. I can see it in the tubes and smell it in your bandages, the iron-tinged scent thats making me yearn even though I know better than to ask for it, especially when you're recovering. It would be wrong... right?

That is until you've wiped my mind one evening on the couch, coherent thoughts hardly there when you're kissing me and eagerly biting at my lips. Making me whimper as you grind down on the bulge in my jeans, whispering about all the filthy, rough things you want me to do to you, knowing full well I won't while you're healing. That I'm too gentle when it comes to you.

I try to reason with you that you can ride me, just steadily thrusting into you from below. That we can just do that and keep you comfortable, and at first you seem very happy with the idea. Letting me pull my cock out of my pants and tenderly helping you out of your shorts so that I can line us up.

But you don't give me any signal. No nod or go ahead. Just staring at me with devious intent as I realize with dread that you're not going to give me permission. I whine and rub the tip against your entrance in a desperate attempt to sway you, 'please, please, I need you' tumbling from my mouth so easily.

But then you tilt your head back, and give me a wicked smile. "Then bite. I know the way you've been looking at me, so go ahead."

We both know this you trying to get me to go harder on you, and unfortunately for me, it's working. I'm suddenly realizing how dry my mouth is, and your skin looks so soft...

I hesitate but lean forward anyways, slowly pushing my fangs against your neck. I try to convince myself the age old "just the tips" but the second I taste you on my tongue, all sense clouds over and my mind is foggy with the image of you, my bite completely sinking in.

Hearing you cry out a breathy "Yes!" is all I need to grab your hips and push you down onto my cock, growling into your shoulder. Lifting you up and down at my own pace, nipping new marks carelessly into your skin to lick up more invaluable blood. Hungrily kissing you and smearing red all over you lips, just desperate to feel any bit of you. Breeding you full, over and over again, until it's just spilling out because you could hold no more. Delirous to know that you're all mine, and no one elses.

By the time I've come back from my infatuation, you're slumped against me, tired and overstimulated, and I'm rubbing circles in your back mindlessly. Before I'd let you fall asleep, I'd help clean up and bandage your new wounds, constantly telling you to drink water to help resupply yourself. Wrapping you up in a blanket and letting you get some well needed sleep.

- 💗

HJGJFHDHDHDJHMFH????? oh wow i am. thinking thoughts.

first of all lovely writing and I am kissing you on the mouth for it thank you

second of all. UM LITERALLY NEED THIS??? getting bit and railed PLUS the sweetness??? the aftercare???? gorgeous incredible amazing breathtaking

overall. brain thoroughly melted this is so hot. thank you sweet anon I am literally going to make out with you

(I hope you don’t mind me putting this up!! it’s VERY good writing I am <333 over it, BUT I will private the post if u prefer it, let me know mwah)

#oh also as for your preface!!#no worries you’re all good!! thank you for writing me this genuinely I am melting over it #<3333 #talkin to people!!#anons <33 #💗 anon #ftm nsft #mlm nsft #terato #monsterfucker #vampire

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utilitycaster · 1 year

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While you're fielding Imogen/Laudna questions/sharing opinions: My biggest issue with them/their relationship so far, and you've talked about it a bit in the past is less "I need them to kiss/I ship them romantically" and more "you two say you're best friends, but are y'all sure you're even friends?" Like. Outside of The Rock Incident I can't think of any meaningful conversations or even just 1-on-1 moments Imogen and Laudna have had together. I don't need them to be a romantic relationship, but man, when it seems like there's deeper platonic relationship between FCG & Imogen and a better chemistry between Luadna & Ashton, I gotta ask: does the narrative even support them being best friends at this point??

Hey anon,

In my opinion? It does! I don't think it's necessarily the most healthy friend relationship, and I don't know if they'll end the campaign as either romantic partners or best friends, but I do think that they still think of each other that way as of now.

Here's the thing we know about Imogen and Laudna: prior to meeting each other, they were both incredibly lonely, and had been for quite some time. Imogen feels that Laudna saved her life, and as we don't know the details I've seen this interpreted - validly - as a commentary not on a literal fight or anything like that, but on Imogen's mental state prior to meeting Laudna.

For what it's worth: there are two people who used to be in my life who I became friends with, or became much closer to, when I was in the midst of a depressive episode. I am, as the past tense indicates, not close to them anymore. The thing is, when one is feeling hopeless and desperate and incredibly alone, you are probably going to want things that are not necessarily good for you in happier and healthier times, and so, the person who pushes you to go out when you should, but your brain is saying "no, everyone hates you" is sometimes a person who doesn't realize that they need to respect your boundaries once you're doing better. The person who likes that they get to pick all the activities might not take kindly to you when you start to assert your own preferences. And, as always, misery loves company, and if you become less miserable...the company may not care for you as much.

Obviously the above is my personal experience, and I think given that both Imogen and Laudna were suffering at the time, it's not an exact equivalent, but I do think it's fair to say that a friendship formed because you were all that the other had might not be one where you set healthy boundaries or felt like you could express yourself honestly.

And so, the fact that suddenly, upon joining Bells Hells, Imogen has found FCG, who can relate in part with her empathic powers and who actually has suggested tangible steps she can take, rather than reassurances Imogen might not actually feel, is relevant; as is the fact that Ashton is not someone Laudna feels like she has to protect and who can relate very much to being physically changed in a potentially off-putting way in a way that Imogen cannot. (For that matter, Orym and Chetney have asked Imogen some of the tough questions Laudna cannot while asking for nothing in return, and Fearne shares Laudna's exuberance for life in a way Imogen doesn't). Now that they have others, it means they need to actually think about their relationship as something other than the only lifeline.

They're also not the same people they were at the start. I talked about this a little here, but Laudna just got some meaningful closure regarding her death in Whitestone due to Percy's apology, and Delilah seems to at least be quiet, and she knows how far Bells Hells would go to save her. Imogen meanwhile still doesn't have a ton of answers, has even more things to worry about regarding her powers, and her mother still being alive means some of her metaphorical wounds have been opened anew. They quite possibly have some really messy, ugly feelings and don't know how to talk through them because their relationship rested on "you're all I've got" and so they've been playing it far too safe for over two years.

I still think Imogen and Laudna are incredibly important to each other, and I think Imogen's grief over Laudna was incredibly real, but it does feel like there might be a natural drifting apart for all of the above reasons. Imogen may still dream of baking cookies with Laudna, but that's one moment, not a lasting basis of a deep friendship or romantic relationship, and I wonder if they might be realizing that now that they have other options, there are things they prefer about those other options. Which is a good thing! Like, consider Caleb and Veth, or Fjord and Jester, both of whom started and ended the campaign very close but who were more distant from each other for a time in the middle. This is really why I liked the gnarlrock fight and was disappointed that they didn't ultimately address anything; a good honest blowout fight might help them understand where they are and know each other better, but I think instead we're getting a slow, quiet, deepening rift, and yeah, eventually, best friends might not be the right term for them. But they were best friends for a long time, even if the circumstances were complicated, and that's still worth remembering and acknowledging. (For what it's worth, a quiet, deepening rift is a really interesting development too and I'd enjoy seeing that played out, since it's very true to life.)

#answered #Anonymous #cw: depression #critical role #imogen temult #laudna

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babsaros · 4 months

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I think I'm trans and I'm so scared I love and support but I don't want to be trans, is that bad?

I know a lot of my family will hate

me.

I feel like a guy but how did I not know sooner,Idk wut to do, I'm so confused.

Like I've never felt wrong in till this year, idk if it's because maybe I was in Denial, but I feel I wad still know to some extent.

And wut if I'm just going crazy and lieing to my self I don't have a reason to but still.

You probably can answer, because your not me but if you think you can help pleas do.

Thx for your time :>

the very first thing i want to tell you is that i love you. i need you to know that you are loved. i need you to know that no matter who you are, you are loveable.

the second thing i need you to know is that you are strong and brave, even when you feel weak and scared. those feelings are so so so heavy, when you're carrying them around, all you can feel is the weight, and you forget how strong you are for being able to carry it at all. every breath you take is indescribably brave. every beat of your heart is worth it.

the third thing you need to know is that anyone that tries to put you down is scared of you. scared of how brave and strong you are, scared of your happiness, scared of your independence, scared that they won't be able to control you. you scare them. and that is the most wonderful thing in the world.

and it's okay to be scared!!! you are never ever alone in being scared. that's the very nice thing about community, especially the trans community. we've all been there. we know the hardships, we know the struggles. we're all in this together, 1000%. so being scared is okay.

i don't know you, what your living situation is like or how old you are and what your support network looks like. if you want to come off anon at all or shoot me a dm, please feel free to anytime. i can't promise i'll always have the spoons to respond, but you're not alone.

for me personally, i grew up in a pretty conservative household. i just was not exposed to a lot before i got my own computer (and more specifically got on tumblr). transgender was Not a word i had ever heard until i was in my teens probably. and it might never have occurred to me on my own that i could be trans. i know i didn't have a lot of the same experience my cis peers were having, i was always a "tomboy", there were parts of my biology i was deeply uncomfortable with but chalked up to puberty being a bitch. i mean, everyone tells you its awkward but that you'll get used to it eventually, right? :')

(here's a secret: you never have to get used to anything you're not comfortable with. if it sucks, hit da bricks!)

my journey started by identifying with the asexual label, it helped me feel a lot more in control of my own body? if that makes sense? like i had a word that explained (somewhat, at least as far i was aware at the time) my discomfort and boundaries, and it was the first time i realized i didn't have to be "normal". from there i realized i was gay, but it still took me a while to realize i wasn't cis, and then still a while after that to realize i wanted to go on HRT.

figuring out gender stuff is tricky! the good thing is its not a race. there's no way to lose! you can take your time, and experiment, explore your presentation and options! don't fall for the transphobic narrative that if you don't transition young enough you won't pass. that's just not true, and passing is more overrated than you might realize. having fun with is is honestly the most important thing.

dysphoria can be subtle, and it can manifest suddenly, even for things you were previously fine with. nobody has a totally static, unchanging mind. especially if you're young, your brain is still growing in there! even cis people get dysphoria sometimes.

it's probably not true that you're lying to yourself. that's another transphobic myth people like to push, that being trans is a mistake or a phase or something people do for attention. it's much more likely that this is something you've been learning more about yourself recently, and that's a really wonderful thing.

this community will celebrate your journey, no matter where it leads, whether you decide you're trans or not, and what you want to do about it. never let anyone scare you into thinking you're taking resources from someone who "deserves" it more. more demand and support = more resources and support for everyone.

i hope any of this is helpful to you, and i really hope if you do decide you want to talk more about this or look into it more, that you have the support to do so.

#ask #anonymous #i hope i've worded this well #if anyone would like to add on in the replies please feel free to #every time someone joins the trans community a star is born.#like i cannot stress enough how beautiful and sacred trans life is #you will be happier than you ever thought possible

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wild-karrde · 9 months

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CONGRATULATIONS KARRDE <3 <3 <3

if you have space left for your follower celebration i would LOVE some director's commentary!! i will, unsurprisingly, request something from in command, whatever part you'd like. if you want me to narrow it down a bit, i'd love to hear more about chapters 8, 12, or 13. but again, talk about whatever part you want!!

-- @cyarbika <333

BEEEEEEE THANK YOOOOOU!!! I honestly get so thrilled at your excitement about In Command, and am more than happy to blather about it at any given opportunity (*resists the urge to apologize for being annoying* see this is GROWTH). I might... do chapter 8? If that's ok? Mainly because I feel like I've shouted at you and other commenters a LOT about went on in my head for Ch. 12 and 13 (but also will absolutely do more given the opportunity).

Putting under a cut since it's got some spoilers. Also, heads up for mentions of attempted sexual assault (which takes place in this specific chapter).

OK OK OK so for Chapter 8, on this go-around I REALLY wanted touch to be a theme in the chapter. Rex and Senna have been often classified as "touchy feely", and I honestly lean into that a lot in my writing because I think that shows how much they immediately trust one another and how comfortable they are around each other.

At the beginning of the chapter, we see Senna frustrated because she feels like Rex is recoiling from her, and to her, that feels like she's done something wrong or that he's withdrawing that trust/comfort a bit. That frustrates her for several reasons (some of which she's still VERY MUCH in denial about), but we see how quickly that frustration shifts after she wakes Rex up from his nightmare.

Suddenly, she's also withdrawing now, but it's because she's having what I think is a pretty natural response to violence (even if it was completely unintentional on Rex's part). She still wants to trust Rex and be that comfortable around him, and to an extent, when she stays to sleep with him that night, it's her really trying to make things feel normal, even if they just don't. She knows, deep down, that wasn't Rex in the moment, that he wasn't being violent towards her, but she still withdraws and is rattled. Rex has been her first source of comfort in over a year, true comfort (not like her failed romantic endeavors), and the fact that she doesn't find as much of that comfort in him after that moment is hard for her.

And then here comes Fisk. I really did want to make him more awful on this go-round, and I feel like I've managed to do so. He really is a culmination of every guy that I've ever thought I had a handle on in terms of intentions. I unfortunately kind of think that's a widely-felt experience where you walk into a situation with a guy that you feel you've set a clear boundary for, or that you think surely won't do that thing, but then he lets you down. You may not even like the guy (like Fisk), but you at least figure you can handle him, that you can hold your own. Not that Senna necessarily expected much out of Fisk, but she did have some level of expectation that he'd adhere to her boundaries, and if she pushed back, he'd back off. And then he doesn't, and suddenly, she realizes she's completely misjudged the situation. In that moment, she does what a lot of us do in these situations: blames herself and considers the outcome something she has to bear because of her miscalculation (which no, fuck Fisk and every dude like him... this was admittedly a bit therapeutic in that respect). And at this point, even with her and Rex struggling slightly, Senna is still willing to do whatever is needed to keep Rex safe.

And then there's Rex, and in this moment, even with the turmoil between them, Senna finds comfort in his touch. Because even if things weren't clearly evolving romantically between the two of them, Rex would never do that to someone, and she knows that. He'd never hurt her in the way Fisk did, would never demand something of her that she didn't feel comfortable giving (oh hey parts of Ch. 14 how did you get here?). He's safety and comfort and gentleness that she hasn't felt in a year, even with the bruises on her throat. The one silver lining of this entire interaction with Fisk is that he cements that in her mind, that Rex is all of those things. This is the point where she starts to think about how nice it is to allow herself this, to think about what it's like to have someone in her life providing those things, and how she feels about it.

For Rex, this is also a moment where he realizes how much Senna cares for him (even if it's not explicitly romantic yet). This is a person that would do just about anything to keep him safe, and for him, he can count the non-clone people that would do the same on one hand. He's always been a protector, and to have someone go to that length to protect him? It's definitely not something he's used to, and it absolutely has a massive impact on him. I really wanted this to put things in perspective for him, for him to have this moment of epiphany where he really starts to examine his feelings for Senna and how those are changing and what they mean. Because yes, he'll do just about anything to keep her safe, but this time, it's not because she's a brother or because he sees her in the same way he sees Ahsoka. I really wanted to lay some seemingly innocuous breadcrumbs (like him blowing on her wrists) that would amount to more in the next chapter, because he's in deep and is just now starting to realize it.

Anyway, I've rambled enough (and to think I was originally gonna try to cover all three chapters you mentioned...). But THANK YOU AGAIN FOR THE KIND WORDS AND ASK, THE LOVELY COMMENTS THAT YOU LEAVE, AND JUST FOR BEING YOU, BEE! I APPRECIATE THE HECK OUT OF YOU!!!

Thanks for participating in my 800 Follower Celebration!

#karrde writes #800 follower celebration #follower celebration #star wars #the clone wars #tcw #captain rex #OC Senna Aven #In Command

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madhattersez · 1 year

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K-POP BIAS CHALLENGE: JAN 2023

(PART 2 OF 2 BECAUSE I'M RIDICULOUS)

Again, I should start by saying that this is a two-parter because I'm a doofy Pan that can get attached to members of groups even if I just casually listen to them (Seriously, though - K-Pop is a wonderland for Pans because there are just SO many incredible personalities out there, UGH).

I made all the gifs below to show you the exact moment I knew they were for me. Enjoy!

Yunjin (Le Sserafim) Solar (Mamamoo)

Starting with my newest bias on the list - Miss Yunjin of the extremely talented new-ish group Le Sserafim.

She was in America for most of her life, and that has given her a large distinction - She's just as talented as her groupmates and syncs perfectly when it comes to dancing and singing, but it's obvious that she's completely unfazed by things that culture shock the others, and has made it her personal mission to challenge a lot of issues in the industry.

A prime example would be this solo music video that just came out a few days ago, which she also did the art for, about the fucked up things about pop fandoms:

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I was taken aback by this and have been sharing it like crazy since.

Other than pushing boundaries, a special talent she has is professional opera singing, which is pretty unique in the industry.

I was undecided on a bias until I saw the Studio Choom performance of "Antifragile" shown above, withher just lighting up the whole video with all of her facial expressions and the dopest denim outfit, haha. There's a lot of "good trouble" in those eyes.

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And now, the smollest (but eldest) member of Mamamoo - Solar!

For quite awhile, Hwasa was my bias in Mamamoo after a very short, initial trial with Wheein. :P

This was another one of those "switch flip" moments where I was suddenly like "Shit. Solar has been here THE WHOLE TIME. What was I thinking!?"

She is so good with her super-powerful voice, no matter the genre. In a group like Mamamoo (that are basically the best vocalists in the entire genre), standing out as the best is a hard thing to do. But, here she is, doing just that for me.

Her solo tracks are what started sparking me over to her side, but the clip from the above video is what came in like a wreckin' ball - When she spent a bunch of time learning the choreography for a song in a body-tracking arcade game called "Dance Evolution," even while being (playfully) dissed by her members, and then went into an arcade and just owned that shit. And look how happy she was to accomplish it!

Won me over, right at that moment.

Here's another example of her playful personality - A clip of her recording part of a Jazzy song about how much she wishes she had a big ass (because big asses are awesome):

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Taeyong (NCT-127) Taeyong (SuperM)

This shit cracks me up so bad.

While making a list of known biases for this post, and not a second before, I came to the realization that my (casual) biases for both of the groups mentioned above... is the same dude. Hahaha. Wow.

I know practically nothing about these groups except that SuperM was a combined group of other groups' idols (a lot like GOT the Beat is), and that their "Super One" album is nothing but bangers, but that's about it. And I've also picked up several NCT jams over the years.

Never did I expect that the guy that caught my eye in both groups was the same person, though. It's hilarious, and it makes a lot of sense. This is Taeyong, y'all.

Jesus, the swag on this guy. Look at him prance-glide sideways in that first clip. Look at him growling in that second one, which I definitely understand is a weakness of mine now.

Talented dude. Attractive as hell. That's all I know, but that's all I -have- to know right now, yeah?

Check out the first video I saw him in, a song from that no-skip "Super One" album:

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Rima (NiziU) Kyujin (NMIXX)

Okay, okay, I get it. This is a K-Pop bias list and NiziU is a J-Pop group. I understand that, but I'm also a hapless JYP fangirl and I just had to include them on the list because Rima is a bias to talk about regardless.

Am I about to say "swag" again? Sadly, yes. She's one of the rappers in the group and definitely has the highest swag level. This is somehow evened out by how adorable she is at the same time.

We've established that I gravitate towards rappers, but she's got it in her lineage - She is the daughter of the super-famous Japanese rapper Zeebra. That bit of story made her interesting from the get-go and I've dug her ever since.

It was the rap break from "Chopstick" pictured above that sparked everything for me for sure, though.

I'd like to include the video because it's super catchy and because I want to see if you find her sticking out throughout the video like I did:

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Next up? Yup, another rapper. It's Kyujin, who is also (surprisingly) the maknae of JYP's most recent group of ladies: NMIXX.

Her English, while adorably misplaced sometimes, is so confident and wonderful. Her singing is so pretty and her flows are so fresh. Don't worry, I Won't say "swaggy" this time. She has, I think, the most vibrant and unique personality of the whole group, and that's from a group that aimed to be quirky right out the gate.

She's incredibly talented, and only trained for about three years before recording the first songs for the group.

I'd like to showcase one of her pre-debut, live vocal videos where she was originally qualifying to be a part of the group. She's too rad:

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Seulgi (Red Velvet) Sieun (STAYC)

I first saw Red Velvet's music video for "Ice Cream Cake" in my earlier K-Pop adventures, but I'll never forget how much Seulgi stuck out to me.

She hit me with a combo attack - The radar-jamming, hard-to-read, slightly... angry(?) eyes, her polar opposite of a sweet voice, the bright colors she was wearing in the video, and the fact that she kicks off the whole song as the center. Yup, hooked right from the start.

And did you see her and Irene in their sinister lil' duo track "Monster?" Geezus:

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Seulgi was an easy choice. Except a flicker of nanosecond time when it was Joy. But that was just a flicker. HOLD!

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Holy shit, it's Park Sieun. Sieun (not Seeun, who is in the same group... yeah) is from STAYC. STAYC, I hear, is a real, reeeeal hard group to pick favorites from, much like Itzy - They're all immeasurably talented on equal levels.

Sieun's got the edge for me, though. She debuted as an actor originally, and that comes into play with the subtle emotions and fades in her singing. The performative lines and precise, but soft details in her movements. Her effortlessly natural facial expressions. She's absolutely flowing with personality and that all wraps into an ethereal combination of visuals to go along with her honestly angelic voice.

Positively dangerous. Troublesome, but not in a "good trouble" way. In a mischievous way.

And, oh my goodness, her (again, effortless) high notes:

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Felix (Stray Kids) Jooyeon (Xdinary Heroes)

Would you just peek at Felix. Lookin' like a mix between Link from Legend of Zelda and Alucard from Hellsing or some shit.

He hails from Stray Kids, which I consider to be the most talented group of dudes in K-Pop right now (Sorry, BTS stans, I know, I know - Remember, I'm all about that swaggy rap stuff, and BTS isn't that as much anymore).

Felix is one of the Australians in the group, so he's got that accent, which is always bizarre in juxtaposition when around his members. He can move like a basilisk. His voice goes hella deep and toasty. And, my god, he's got freckles.

Aside from all the seemingly thristy statements that just tumbled out of my keyboard, he just seems to be a genuine good guy that would sit down with you and hear you out, heart-to-heart for hours if you needed him too. A "do anything to make your life better" type of friend. The duality is incredible.

Here's a bunch of silly clips of him conversing in English with the other Stray Kids:

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Another casual bias - Hey, it's Jooyeon from JYP's rock group Xdinary Heroes. Don't make me pronounce that out loud, let's just focus on Jooyeon, damn it.

He's got such a pretty, haunting singing voice in the beginning, then you can listen to him hit American-Emo-band overdrive on his vocals at about 45 seconds into this video and during the chorus, and then you can hear yet another style tone at around 1:38. Versatile and awesome:

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I really dig his looks and that shadowy / shady / emotionless thing he's got going on.

Oh, and, uh, he plays bass too, huh? Yeah, I suppose so. Haha.

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So, did you dig this? Lawl, I'm acting like this is a trend that will catch on or something. Who knows? If even one person other than me does it, I'll be happy. Besides, I'm just here to have an excuse to gush about my favorites anyway! Everything past that is all plus. 😅

If you want to do this, too, you in no way have to go as HAM as I did creating this long-ass post. I just got super passionate about it and got carried away. As usual.

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kyleledfordswriting · 1 year

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I used to pride myself on being a fairly composed and self-regulated individual, except of course when I intentionally let loose and surrendered to the thrill of losing control. However, recently, I found myself in the midst of a manic episode where my behavior and thoughts felt utterly unmanageable, without any alcohol involved. This sudden and alarming lack of control reminded me of a similar experience I had when my ex partner went through a manic episode and we ended up with a rather unpleasant divorce four years ago in my early 30s.

As for me, I struggled to comprehend their point of view. While they had received a diagnosis and I had learned about the associated symptoms, I still found it difficult to fully grasp and make sense of their behavior. Four years have passed and I find myself struggling to come to terms with my recent bout of manic behavior. I can see how the recent significant changes in my life - moving and separating from my partner - may have led to moments of unhealthy action. However, actually experiencing the manic energy and the exhilarating high of acting impulsively was a very unique experience. It's like driving a car and suddenly being held up at gunpoint, forced to move into the passenger seat and being taken hostage with someone else behind the wheel. But at the same time, you're also the hijacker, getting a rush of excitement from taking control.

Sometimes our impulsive thoughts can overpower our logic, leading us to say things that we know we shouldn't. We might even test the boundaries of others by pushing things to the extreme. But why do we do this? Is it for the thrill of it all? Or is it a way for us to sabotage ourselves and push others away? It's curious how, in retrospect, we can see the effects of our actions and the highs of our manic moments start to fade. It's important to reflect on these truths and learn from them.

Our minds are fragile, and I've come to realize that in the midst of my ex's mental crisis four years ago, I could have been more empathetic and compassionate towards them. I used to think that I had a logical mind that could objectively process thoughts and actions, but it wasn't until I witnessed the breaking of my psyche that I truly understood the delicate nature of our minds. Looking back, I recall times when I believed I was the only rational person in the room, yet I couldn't fully grasp the other person's perspective. It's a humbling realization.

As I go through life, I realize that there's so much to learn from both my successes and failures. It's important to recognize my own vulnerability and not cling onto my preconceived notions of who I am. By being open to self-discovery and introspection, I can uncover deeper truths about life and myself.

To do this, I need to be willing to deconstruct my own beliefs and assumptions. I can do this by cultivating empathy, vulnerability, love, and compassion. It's through these qualities that I can truly grow and understand myself and others on a deeper level.

I’ve recently started journaling. I think in reflection of life events, and the past, and I’ve been trying to look more introspectively. You know there’s a kind of trick you can play on yourself where if you’re doing things or working on projects that you are crafting an understanding of your life. But in reality that is an outward projection and sometimes it might be an act to distract from the interior. Journaling is a method where once I layout my thoughts, my day, and my experience, I can then see it more clearly. And once I can see my own life from an exterior point of view I can start to actually process my experience. It’s far too easy a trick we can play on ourselves and think we know who we are.

Through a hyper intense focus on work, and projects, and “doing” I was actually distracting from a look inside to who I was, or how I actually felt about the experiences I was living. Sometimes introscpection can be painful. Maybe the focus on the work and the “doing” was a way to cope with pain.

Seeing and feeling, thinking and observing the self can be meditative. I recently went to see the Mario Brothers movie with some friends for some escapism. Inside the cinema I found myself playing back movies of my childhood. As an only child in a wild home I found much comfort in the Nintendo Entertainment System. I always had a messy room where I had designated spots to get from the door to the chair where I would plop myself down and escape into Mario. It’s funny because I don’t really play video games in my adult life.

One time in my 20s I managed a Gamestop. When I became a Store Manager I thought that I was winning. I could afford my own place with a garage and a yard. And I was in a long term relationship with my high school sweetheart. But in my increasing long hours I ended up becoming disconnected from my home life. Before I knew it I found myself at wits end and I dismantled everything in my life. I left my job for a new opportunity. I ended my relationship and found a new partner. I started playing music again. I literally upended everything in my life and made myself anew.

Taking the time to actually look back on these events and memories and take into account my current reality I see such a visible parallel. In my mid 30s I became highly focused on my new job. I worked extra hard to forge new territory in my artistic endeavors. I thought that I was doing the good work. But again, I was externalising and missing out on the personal. The home life. The relationship. If I were to reflect, I would only see the good times, the loving moments, the fun and excitement. But in the doing, and the lack of reflecting I was missing the more fundamental deeper truths.

So much time between events. A kid playing Nintendo. In my 20s working at Gamestop selling Nintendo. Today, finding myself rebuilding my life again. But that is growing right? And every time you get a little bit wiser? A little older? A little more introspective.

-March 26th 2023-

I had just finished dragging a black wagon up the hill on a brisk Sunday afternoon. The wagon was loaded with all of my possessions, and my arms ached from the weight of it all. My destination was the Soniphone Records studio in downtown Everett, and I was determined to get everything inside the studio room.

Finally, I arrived at the number six white door and unlocked it. As I stepped inside, my eyes were immediately drawn to the multicolored walls, which were paneled in shades of blue, black, and yellow. The room was lined with soundproofing, and I couldn't help but notice the David Lynch inspired black and white zigzag floor at the drum booth.

I had six giant boxes full of my things that I had just moved out of my apartment, and I couldn't wait to unpack them into the studio and get settled in. As I started to unpack, I came across my collection of eight-track cassette tapes and my six 1970s speakers.

I took a deep breath and sipped on a Rainier beer that my longtime friend and music collaborator Joe had left behind, trying to catch my breath after the strenuous journey to the studio.

Listening to a podcast featuring Bob Odenkirk, I began to unpack my belongings. His story about his heart attack was oddly comforting. Maybe it's because it's a reminder that we're all just flesh and blood, vulnerable and fragile in our own ways. His tales of resilience and humor were inspiring.

The last item to come out of the black wagon was a beautiful reel-to-reel recording system gifted to me by one of my dearest friends, Will. It was made by Akai, and I couldn't wait to put it to use.

As I tinkered with the Akai, I took in the surroundings of my recording studio. It was a bit rundown, but it had character. The walls were a mishmash of colors, and the floor was a dizzying array of black and white zigzags. It was the kind of place where a person could feel inspired to create something weird and wonderful.

I cracked open another Rainier and took a sip, feeling the cold, crisp bubbles dance across my tongue. The alcohol hit me harder than I expected, and I felt a little lightheaded. Maybe I should slow down on the beer for now.

Glancing over at the boxes that were still piled high in the corner, I felt a sense of nostalgia wash over me. It was strange to see all of my belongings in one place like this. It felt like I was starting over, in a way.

But that was okay. I was ready for a fresh start. I was ready to create something new and exciting. I was ready to be weird and wonderful.

As I set up my six 1970s speaker system and glanced over at the collection of eight-track cassette tapes, I couldn't help but feel a sense of excitement and possibility. This studio was my chance to create something new, something that reflected the unique blend of humor and pathos that defined my life.

And with that thought in mind, I took a deep breath and began to set up my equipment, eager to start the next chapter of my life. This was my new beginning, and I was determined to make it something special.

I surveyed the mess in front of me and took a deep breath. It wasn't just any mess, it was a mess of epic proportions. Think "Hoarders" meets "Dirty Jobs." And yet, I felt a sense of satisfaction as I looked around at the piles of instruments, cords, and half-finished projects. This was my sanctuary, my refuge from the outside world. It was my music studio, and it was all mine.

It had been four years since my divorce, and this studio had been my solace ever since. I had poured my heart and soul into this space, filling it with reminders of my past life. The drum riser with its David Lynch-inspired carpet, the 1960s rock 'n' roll walls, and the utilitarian cement floors and concrete ceiling - they all told a story. A story of a man who had dreams of making it big, but who had also been knocked down more times than he cared to admit.

I walked over to the drum riser, and as I ran my hand over the carpet, I was transported back to my obsession with Twin Peaks. The show had captivated me, and I had spent hours dissecting every episode, every nuance. But that was another life, another time.

I turned my attention to the walls, and I couldn't help but smile. They were a reminder of my youth, of a time when anything was possible. A time when I had believed that music could change the world. And maybe it still could.

But first, I had to tackle the mess. I made my way to the bathroom, where the trash had piled up to the point of overflow. It was a disgusting sight, and I knew it wouldn't be an easy job. But I wasn't one to shy away from a challenge.

I grabbed a trash bag and got to work, filling it up with everything from old food containers to empty beer cans. As I worked, I couldn't help but think about the excess that came with spending too much time in this space. But I pushed those thoughts aside and focused on the task at hand.

I used a cleaner called Odoban, hoping it would kill all the germs and destroy the revolting mass at the bottom of one of the bins. It was a battle, but I emerged victorious. As I stepped back to admire my handiwork, I knew it was time to take a break.

I wiped my brow and took a deep breath, surveying the studio once more. It wasn't perfect, but it was mine. And that was enough for now.

I'm not sure what possessed me to rent a studio in this rundown building in the first place. Maybe it was the cheap rent, or maybe it was the creative energy that seemed to emanate from every nook and cranny. Whatever it was, I found myself signing on the dotted line and moving in before I even had time to second-guess myself.

The place was a mess when I first arrived. Dust and cobwebs covered every surface, and the air smelled of mildew and neglect. But even as I surveyed the disaster before me, I felt a spark of excitement in my chest. This was going to be my creative haven, my escape from the daily grind of work and responsibility.

Over the years, I've poured countless hours into this space. I've recorded, produced , written, danced, and sang my heart out here. I've invited friends and strangers alike to come and share in the magic, to bask in the glow of creativity and possibility. And yes, I've also indulged in my fair share of excess, letting loose and forgetting about the world outside for a little while.

But as I stand here now, cleaning up the remnants of the last wild party, I can't help but feel a twinge of guilt. This place has been so much more than just a party pad. It's been a refuge, a sanctuary, a place to heal and grow and find myself again after the turmoil of divorce.

I think back to the early days, when the building was still a dungeon of despair and the only light came from a single flickering bulb. I remember feeling like I was in a horror movie, tiptoeing down the hallway as if I might bump into a ghost at any moment. But now, with the new lighting and fresh air pouring in through the open door, the place feels almost cheerful.

As I finish cleaning up and step out into the hallway, I take a deep breath and feel a sense of accomplishment wash over me. This place may be rundown and haunted and filled with memories both good and bad, but it's also been a place of joy and creativity and growth. And for that, I am eternally grateful.

I'm standing outside my studio building, smoking a menthol cigarette, trying to ignore the fact that I know I shouldn't be doing this. I quit smoking for two whole years, but now I'm back to it. It's funny how personal struggles and emotional strife can lead you to make decisions that you know are not good for you. But sometimes, you find things that give you a sense of comfort, even when you know they're not the best choices. And for me, smoking is one of those things.

I recently switched to dark green American Spirits. I had just recovered from a bacterial sinus infection, and it was a nightmare. But now, as I inhale the smoke, I feel a slight turn in my stomach. Maybe these new cigarettes don't agree with me, or maybe it's just because I haven't eaten much today.

My partner Hilary (or ex-partner, as it's complicated) made me breakfast this morning: eggs and reheated air-fried McDonald's French fries. It wasn't the healthiest meal, but it was comforting. As I smoke my cigarette, I listen to a Star Wars podcast detailing the events of the recent episode of the Bad Batch series.

I walk back to my building, past the giant, dark blue garage door, which takes about 30 steps to get around. The walls are covered in graffiti, a beautiful display of multicolored aquatic creatures. There's a piranha on one side and a giant orca whale on the other, jumping out of the water with Mt. Rainier in the background. I wonder who painted them and what kind of life they lead.

As I sit in room number 6 of my recording studio, finishing off a Rainier beer, I can't help but reflect on the recent turn of events in my life. Just two months ago, Hilary and I had plans to move into an apartment together. We decided against it because the building didn't have its own laundry facility, but now, as I contemplate our shaky relationship, I wonder if there were other underlying reasons.

It's funny how life works out sometimes. One day, you're on top of the world, and the next, you're standing outside your building, smoking a cigarette, wondering where it all went wrong. But for now, I'll just enjoy the comfort that comes with the menthol smoke and the familiarity of the graffiti-covered walls.

I glance over at the black moving wagon sitting in the corner and think about my journey back to the apartment across town. I love this town of Everett, Washington. As I make my trek, I'll pass down Hewitt avenue, the heart of the town's nightlife. It's where my partner Hilary and I would go to hang out with friends and acquaintances, hitting up venues like the Lucky Dime, the Black Lab Gallery, and Tony V’s, where our band Spirit Wives would perform.

Speaking of Spirit Wives, we have a show coming up next Saturday. Will that be our first performance as friends rather than lovers? I can't dwell on these thoughts for too long, though, or I'll lose focus and motivation for the task at hand. I still have a few main pieces of furniture left to haul over to the studio.

Everett may be a small town, but it's full of memories and connections that I'm not quite ready to let go of yet. As I finish my beer and contemplate my next move, I can't help but wonder what the future holds for me in this quirky little corner of the world.

My phone vibrates with a message from Hilary. I glance down at the screen to see what she's saying. Apparently, she's just finished a rehearsal with our mutual friend Anthony Brock's band, who she's agreed to sing with during our upcoming Spirit Wives concert. We're set to headline the gig, with Anthony Brock opening, and a burlesque troupe performing somewhere in the mix.

I can't help but feel excited at the thought of performing in a show where there’s burlesque. It sounds like a wild adventure , but at the same time, I can't help but wonder where Hilary and I will stand in our relationship when we take the stage.

Hilary messages me again, letting me know when she'll be done rehearsing. I reply back, telling her when I'll be done moving and suggest we meet up at our favorite happy hour spot, "El Paraiso," for some drinks and food.

I can practically hear her enthusiasm through the text when she responds. "That's a really cool idea!!! Ok let's have some drinks and maybe some nachos?"

As I make my way to the restaurant, I can't help but think about all the memories we've shared. From drunken karaoke sessions to heartfelt conversations over margaritas, "El Paraiso" has been amongst the backdrop for some of the most incredible moments of our relationship.

I step inside and spot Hilary in the bar. We settle in at a table and order a round of drinks and a plate of nachos to share. As we catch up on each other's lives, I can't help but feel like there's something electric between us.

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painted-crow · 3 years

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hey so i'm looking to figure my sorting out. i'm p sure of my secondary but honestly i've gone in circles so many times that i'd believe anything lmao

so i guess to start like. i'm fairly sure i'm an idealist, but with a twist. i care about making the world a better place-- i'm kinda infamous among my friends for being a little TOO outspoken about my opinions. on a small scale, i have strong opinions about a lot of things, but on a larger scale... idk. i don't think any one person can know what an ideal world looks like cause there really is no such thing. there are literally countless variables when it comes to implementing even small systems, countless ways to fuck it up, so i don't think i'd be choosing some grand ideal over the people i love anytime soon.

that being said, i think my idealist streak gets directed into something else most of the time. i'm very focused on understanding myself to a fault. i want to know why i do the things i do, why i believe certain things over others. when it comes to my beliefs about the world, they're strong but take it or leave it, but when it comes to myself they are not a good idea to push. i've ended relationships over not feeling like myself with them or feeling like i'm losing myself or they're pushing me to be someone i'm not. i make strong instant decisions about what the "right" thing to do is when it comes to how it impacts my perception of myself, especially with intimate relationships (i'm a lot less impulsive with things like friends and things i'm less personally involved in). i NEED to know who i am, way more than i care about any one specific person or thing. obviously i love people very deeply and would do just about anything to have both, but if i don't know who i am, if i'm not true to myself, then i have nothing. losing people happens.

the issue is, because i'm prone to doing that and not thinking as much about how it'll impact people, i've been called selfish a lot over my lifetime. recently i've started thinking more about how my actions impact people and their feelings, and i'm feeling a lot more torn. i want to do what i want to do, what i feel is best, but i feel immature for doing it a lot. i've started worrying a lot about being a bad person and hurting people, and i've been thinking about how the "right" way to be is. i went through a phase where i was repressing myself to make the "moral" choice, but i just felt so flat. ultimately i realized that it doesn't really matter how good i am if i have to repress myself to get there, cause then all it is is performance. tldr is i feel super guilty for making "selfish" choices rn, especially as i've gotten more aware of other peoples' feelings.

what i think is probably going on is that i'm an idealist primary with a badger model, but i'm not sure between lion and bird, and i'm still open to badger. pretty sure i'm not a snake.

the section on my secondary's gonna be a lot shorter, sorry this got so long! so i'm p sure i'm a badger secondary. considered lion and snake secondary too. whatever i am, i have a p loud lion model over it. i've always had a gift for making people trust me, for acting. i kinda blend in and become what i need to to both help them and get them off my back so i can do what i need to do. i have a serious passion for helping people with tough love (i like to think of myself as a p good advice giver, since i can both tell people what they need to hear and really get in their shoes and be kind where other people might not). i think i judge myself the least when i can kinda toe that line between pushing boundaries and stepping back-- i track where peoples' boundaries are constantly so i can push them to the limit without stepping over them. i'm very fluid when it comes to presentation in reality, even though i think people actually think of me as kinda controversial. i tend to see people who are ACTUALLY overstepping boundaries as lowkey selfish at times, even though i also really respect them. i like to do things the "right" way as long as i give a shit about them. the catch is, i don't want to blend into the background, and i don't think i do. a partner of mine called me a fox cause he noticed the way i constantly toe that line where i can get people to notice me and still keep them off my back, still make them comfortable. i'm also NOT a planner. people constantly give me shit for only ever feeling things out in the moment, and honestly thinking about the future freaks me out. i don't want to plan how i do shit i'd rather just get in the zone and figure it out from there. tldr i'm pretty sure i'm a badger secondary? but i could be convinced of snake. definitely see elements of both but my gut's telling me badger so take that how you will

anyway! thank you so much for taking the time to answer this, i know it's a lot.

also sorry one thing i forgot to add about my secondary! i think my lion model got so loud because when i do the shifty presentation thing, i have a tendency to lose myself and start perceiving myself as whatever i'm presenting. it's made it really hard to figure out who i actually am and so i started just being as clear about it as possible.

for my primary, i really care a lot about being right. i try to take every side into consideration to make sure i get the best conclusion. i can be super stubborn when it comes to certain things, but i don't want to just... hold to perceptions that are wrong. that being said it's important to me to trust my gut and i take it as a big input. i'm very felt out for most things, don't really have a strong system of how to be. i really wanna be able to trust myself but i just don't. i have a big habit of relying on other people to tell me what to think, which is uh. yeah.

Primary

You're a Bird primary with a Lion model, and you're trying on some Badger ideals. That's one of the easier Sorts I've done, lol! Possibly because your primary and models actually House match mine :p

Your reasoning process screams Bird xD and so does your writing style and just the length of the ask. Birds love self-analysis, it's part of how we make sure our systems stay as close to true as we can make them.

You've got some Lion too, but it's a model. It sounds like your Lion and your Bird have come into conflict before, and like most Birds with Lion models, it bugs the snot out of you when your Lion's intuition (which is important data!) doesn't line up with what your Bird knows.

You've prioritized Bird's conclusions before, but (as with many Birds) you don't entirely trust your own system and you're wondering if your Lion might have been right and you should give its reasoning more weight.

Also, you're consciously deciding that maybe Badgers' way of doing things is more moral than yours, and you're pulling in some of those ideals. That doesn't make you a Badger primary. Birds are notorious for this kind of thing actually 😂

The line between whether some ideals you've pulled into your Bird system vs. what counts as a model is fuzzy. It's up to you really, how important those pieces of Badger are to you.

For me, I think the line might be--is it wired into your sense of self on its own, or does it get filtered through your Bird and Lion? It really sounds like your Lion is a strong part of your sense of self: if you ignore its advice, you feel not totally like yourself. You don't have to feel all your models equally strongly, but thinking of it that way might help.

(It's also hard because Birds often feel like they kind of are their systems, or they are their ability to reason, that's a core part of their identity. ...It's complicated.)

Secondary

You sound really really Snakey. I'm not sure where you're getting Badger, actually!

Badgers are more than the mirroring ability. They also bury themselves in work or community, and it can sometimes look like they're neck deep in so many responsibilities that they couldn't possibly handle any more problems--and then they do have a problem, they do need something, and they stand up and all that stuff they were buried in turns out to be armor and tools.

Snakes, otoh, are improvisational and tend to be very aware of their surroundings. Unlike Badgers, the Snake brand of social shapeshifting involves a lot of keeping track of other people's reactions to what they're doing--trying something and then watching the response, then adjusting, rinse and repeat. You turn yourself into exactly the right person for this situation.

Badger mirroring is usually simpler. You reflect the other person's energy back at them: it's an empathetic response that says we're alike, I accept you, you're safe. A lot of Badgers do this without thinking--it can be hard to turn off.

Snakes also don't go in for prep work as much, it tends to trip them up (Snakes with Badger or Bird models notwithstanding). They're Improvisational secondaries, unlike Bird and Badger which are Built and rely heavily on some form of preparation.

The Lion model sounds legit, but just check for yourself: you might be learning to use Snake's neutral state. Snakes will sometimes drop all their layers of acting and maneuvering and suddenly they're just themselves. Different Snakes have different relationships with neutral state. For some Snakes, it's a relief to drop the mask; for others, it feels vulnerable and they only trust certain people with their full authenticity.

It does sound like you really admire Lion secondaries, though, so you might indeed have a model there! This is just something else you could check on.

Hope that helps!

- Paint

#first post in a while huh folks #gotta remember how to tag...#ravenclaw primary #gryffindor primary model #slytherin secondary #gryffindor secondary model #asks #paint speaks #sortinghatchats

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clockworkgal · 3 years

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I just finished Naruto Shippuden and I do not know what to do with my life anymore.

I started watching the original Naruto series with 220 episodes when I was a freshman in college and started the 500-episode Shippuden a few months after the pandemic has started and finished it on my third year in college. Basically the start-to-finish ride of the entire Naruto series was done in over two years but for me, it was more than that.

(This is starting to sound so dramatic wtf. Here's a Naruto swing for an emotional flashback.)

Looking back, the first time I have ever seen the series was when I was in elementary. Naruto—being the most popular anime during that time, was aired on national television. Being a child with watching TV shows as a hobby and having a television that can only view one channel, I was forced to watch whatever ABS-CBN had to offer every morning, Naruto being one of them.

In seventh grade, I had a printed picture of Team 7 safely kept on my clear book (which I still have until now) and of course, several pictures of Sasuke because duh obviously, I had a crush on him.

I remembered borrowing a CD tape of the original Naruto series and watching the Chunin exam arc over and over especially the Naruto vs. Gaara part where Gaara suddenly had a change of heart because aside from experiencing talk no jutsu, he was severely hit on the head by Konoha's most hard-headed and unpredictable ninja. It knocked the senses out of him and changed him into a better person. (He changes literally everyone whom he talks to tho. The power he has ugh)

Earlier in high school, I've heard a rumor from my boy classmates about Itachi killing his clan to protect the village. I was already outdated with the series because ABS-CBN was very inconsistent when it comes to anime 🙄 and I only watched what was being aired it was like reading the second installment of a book without reading the first. I was confused and clueless and have 0% understanding on what was going on and what the current arc was about.

In 11th grade, my classmate gave me a copy of Naruto Shippuden episodes from 200-300. She was about to delete it when I told her I wanted a copy. I was taking scraps from people just so I can watch the series (hard times skskskks). She then told me it's okay if I haven't seen the first episode and assured me I can still understand the plot because of multiple flashbacks in most of its episodes. I was convinced but unfortunately, the flashbacks did not help me understand what was happening.

The 2 TB flash drive I had that time later got infected with virus. The worst part was that, it wasn't even mine but my uncle's. Hard times, indeed.

Moving forward, now that I have finally finished the series from episode 1 till the last episode, I'd like to give this anime series a 100/10 ratings for the following reasons.

1. Plot Build-up

Who says animes with long episodes are boring?

Well, some of its fillers were kinda meh, but the point is I love how the series had one goal from the beginning and you watch the characters grow and their desire for that goal intensifies along with their progress. Not just the characters but the plot itself. The entire series might be intimidating and can trigger the laziness in you when you look at it in numbers but the hundred-long episodes of training and missions contribute to the excitement and build-up of the plot.

2. Amazing arcs and fight scenes

My gif says it all.

3. Heartfelt Characters and tragic/ sad backstories

I can't remember how many times I've cried in this series. I have grown attached to these characters and I get sad seeing them suffer.

4. Inspiring

There are so many life lessons I have learned in this anime alone that I can never learn from anyone given that I am an introvert and don't go out much. Naruto himself is such an inspiration to push your boundaries and do more to achieve your dreams. I feel like years from now, I will be quoting Naruto when I graduate from college.

5. Amazing Friendships

I hated Naruto for chasing a friend who didn't consider him as one and I totally agree that Shikamaru was more of a best friend to Naruto than Sasuke but we do not get to decide on that. After watching their final fight, I realized that Sasuke was indeed his best friend. Of course, Shikamaru was there through his ups and downs and supported him along the way making him a great friend. Although Sasuke wasn't there physically and they rarely had a heartfelt talk when they were still in Team 7, they know each other's soul so well that even without words, they understand each other's hearts. And that I think is what love really is. When you are able to see each other's soul without saying much and when you still consider someone special even if you get nothing from them in return. The two of them are indeed kindred spirits and I love this scene so much I can't help but cry.

I have so many things to say but I think this is all for now. I love Naruto and he has been part of my childhood and my teenage years as well as adult life and kept me sane during this pandemic—in short, Naruto has been part of my existence and seeing him get married, have a family on his own and become Hokage made me so happy it's like seeing a friend achieve his dreams.

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relentlessministries · 4 years

Text

Day Zero

I would venture to say you have no idea how your actions and words have infiltrated and impacted my life . How your hatred continues to deliver slight yet direct blows with an attempt to utterly destroy me. How your infectious plague has trickled down to sabotage every aspect of who I am, who I am yet to be and those lives which are directly and indirectly trussed to mine.

You- homophobia are a disease. You infiltrate the minds of individuals and symptomatically cloud their view so their eyes can’t see humans as they are despite all other attributes but solely on the grounds of who they love. You take the lives of hundreds of thousands of people every year. Congratulations - You are an epidemic. You destroy families. You create homelessness and increase desperation leading to suicide after suicide after suicide and oh homicide. The greatest symptom of your debilitating affect is hate which grows unrestrained to convince one to murder another of our own kind merely for the minute factor that they love differently than you.

Like the most aggressive form of cancer you are the cells that multiply out of control in the minds of so many. Although I don’t know that there will ever be a cure for you, I know that my speaking out brings light into your terrifying darkness and a sword that will pierce hearts and open minds. The reality is my speaking is all but a mere effort to save my own life because It's time, I’ve had enough.

I've been lead to believe you've stolen my dignity and self respect. My integrity and professionalism, tenacity and ability to share with the world something good are tainted and greatly discolored by your rampant blows. It has all been shattered by your darkness. You have crippled me and pushed me in to hiding. I've become a person who's disability forces them to not leave the safety of my 4 bedroom walls. My anxiety and depression and post traumatic stress disorder, created by the assault you’ve had on my life holds me hostage in my car in moments when I’m supposed to be serving my patients and families. It holds me in the aisle at the grocery store because I know there’s someone infected with you on the other side who previously audibly accosted me in public.

My joy has been diminished, my reflection in the mirror resembles a weak and weary soul who is desperate for freedom of oppression. Perhaps it’s because you have taken from me literally everything and anything that I possess of any worth. Through it all I am forced to realize what I have left. Most of which is forever unrecoverable. The patient experiences, the longevity necessary to build my career, the relentless attempts to leap forward and build again a life with hopes of building a meaningful legacy.

It's 2020, times have changed and our society is vastly attempting to eradicate you. Yes I am aware, "we have come so far!," and I have heard countless comments about, "marriage is legal, you have your rights, what more do you need?," etc. I'm not convinced, I continue to survive your attacks and others need to abolish the blinders from their eyes and then encourage others to do the same so as to understand and trust that just as sexism, ageism, and racism to name a few are still globally viral, you homophobia and your horrific affects thereof continue to kill and destroy many. How you might ask?

Lets start with the time that you violently through the judge and our legal system took my children away from me for three months because you were convinced that my being gay must be a mental illness or life crisis. The moment when I learned they were told I abandoned them and didn’t want them anymore because my sin was more important and my desire was to sleep with a woman. When you diminished Who I am as a person, a mother down to only my sexual orientation.

That time that you walked into the trauma bay and recognized me from church and your loved one was barren on the table and I actively performing CPR on them. I was literally the heart beating for him, I alone was circulating life through his lifeless body. You refused to see me at all, only my sexual orientation. Although I, one of the most trained trauma nurses in that room you began to scream in front of my peers for me to be removed from him and told me to step away and surrender my position and life saving efforts to a nurse who graduated just weeks prior with no experience.

How about the time you took me in to your office and with cowardliness hid behind vague words and use of irrelevant rationales to inform me that my being a lesbian did not fit the culture of your practice, your values and beliefs system and therefore I was no longer welcomed to work next to you. Interesting though the day prior, before you heard the news that I was married to a woman, you told me that I was one of the best nurses you'd hired with the most beautiful bedside manner you'd witnessed in years.

Or the latest attempted terminal blow when you suddenly ripped me from the bedside of the the most frail of patients, the dying. Tragically eradicating and severing ties between myself as a hospice nurse from several patients and their grieving weary loved ones without an opportunity for closure. You severed a bond and forced me to abandon my patients. THEY WERE DYING and suddenly all the times I've cried with them, prayed with them, sang to and with them, bathed them and dressed them, listened to their greatest joys, deepest desires and fears have become tainted by your dark hostility. Your a coward and quietly ashamed of your bias and You've covered yourself with deception claiming my nursing skills or abilities or boundaries were lacking or flawed thus directly deepening your diseased affects on my self view. It became apparent that at any moment anything can be taken from me NOT because of my sexual orientation but due to your hate.

Time and time again I've experienced this but now it has spread through me and into the lives of others. You've raped me and have USED ME to spread your vile disease resulting in heightened doubt and fear. I have questioned to my very core who I am and who I once was down to my professional being. I've become desperately symptomatic of fear and one surviving your hold and retreat deeper into my self because I CANNOT allow myself to continue the vulnerability. I refrain to connecting with anyone because I must prevent bringing additional pain and suffering, undue harm especially to my patients who have invited me in to journey with them through one of the most intimate times of their lives, dying. I've come to believe your lies that I had no business being there or being a part of this ministry, this profession any more.

I will admit you have crippled me in so many ways. I am coming to understand why I suffer immensely at times with depression, anxiety and suicidal ideation. Why I'm living with post Traumatic stress disorder. I've bought in. I now see what others see when they look at me. I believed your projection of who I am is in fact who I am. I have allowed you’re sick and disgusting view of me to shape me into this disabled body because I'm unable to get outside of my mind and the fear of facing another human who embodies you restrains me inside my own living hell. I am shattered and broken but make no mistake, I am still alive.

Let me explain something to you. At the end of the day you can’t change my DNA. I'm not sure you heard or understood what I said, your efforts have failed because YOU CANNOT change my DNA. You see my DNA and who I am is not in anyway just that I am a woman, an Italian, a lesbian. Its not merely that I have green eyes and sun-kissed skin tones. My very DNA structured my dignity. It carries my tenacity, my vulnerability, my personality which in case you missed the memo can outshine even the darkest of nights. My life experiences have groomed me into a survivor, a fierce survivor. I will take every single integral microscopic cell that embodies who I am and with all that I am that is woven into my very DNA And I will defeat you. I will grow stronger and brighter and I will be in this world what I am called to be because no matter how much you hate me and no matter how much you think you can destroy my life you can’t have it because it doesn’t belong to you!

You see I’m educated. I know how this works and I’ve seen life and death. I have experienced life and death. I am one of the best nurses you will ever meet and when given the chance I will show you a love and compassion that you quite possibly have never experienced before. What’s more is that I’ve held the hand of more than one individual who’s attempted to take or did take their life because the darkness was too heavy and the light although you could not completely diminish it was no longer enough. I refuse to fall victim to this.

Homophobia - like cancer when all other treatments have been exhausted and they are no longer responding appropriately we take the frail human body down to the cellular level to the brink of death. You’ve already done this for me. At that point stem cells are planted and those particles of DNA that are woven in us from the moment of conception take hold of them and start to grow something new. Cells that were already created and a part of my DNA and you have no control or power over. Today is my stem cell transplant, it’s Day ZERO, and I will make every single effort to allow every particle of me to become who I am first and foremost above and around you regardless of your desire to put me in the grave.

So I want it back. I am taking my life back. Not the life that I am surviving right now but the one I was created to thrive in. The one where I am out in the community and serving and loving and showing Christ - like compassion and forgiveness and so much more. Yes you heard me right I am a lesbian who loves Jesus and I know that you homophobia would like the world to believe that this is a counter diction but it’s not. And you no longer have a place in my life and how I move forward living it. I will walk with my head high and no longer feel like I am a disgusting person or somehow a disgrace on this earth because of who I chose to marry and love.

Homophobia like one of the most infectious diseases known on earth is rampant and it’s time that we start exterminating it for the sake of all especially those who we love. I’m going to promise you this no one was born with a genetic condition of hatred. Its time we start vaccinating against it and raising up our children to love and embrace our fellow human beings despite their differences, despite their sexual orientation.

Nevertheless, it’s in my DNA to tell you that I’m going to chose to love you, to forgive you and to have a greater hope for change in your hearts, your minds and your actions. If for nothing more but because my soul deserves peace.

Today is my Day Zero.

Relentlessly Yours,

Mrs. Tennille Marie Dobbs

#ellendegeneres #taylorswift #finally211

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I've Read over 100 Productivity Books and Summarized the 15 Most Important Tips

Ten years ago, nearly to the day, I was given a promotion from starting-level engineer to upper management. Honestly, as exciting as the promotion was, I was incredibly overwhelmed. I felt that I didn’t have enough time to do everything that I needed/wanted to do and I began to feel that I was in over my head. Something had to give.

I’d heard of productivity books being helpful, so I decided to give it a try. I was hoping that the books would teach me how to get more done in less time. Not only did they help me achieve that goal, but other aspects of my performance as well.

After reading 100 productivity books, I have found that there are 15 key elements to staying productive and being efficient. I have compiled a list of my findings to help you to be as productive as you can be.

1. Don’t wait for others to set your deadlines, set them for yourself

While growing up with our structured school system, students are used to being given deadlines and working to meet them. This causes a problem when we suddenly don’t have a deadline to work towards. We tend to get lazy because there is no sense of urgency. This is why overachievers in school tend to be average in the real world, as they don’t have deadlines to work towards once no one sets it for them.

Successful people don’t wait, they set deadlines for their personal goals. While meeting external deadlines (those that are given to you) helps you to survive and meet the bare minimum, internal deadlines (those that you give yourself) make you push through your boundaries. The key is to be proactive, not passive.

2. Keep track of your time like you do your bank account

We like to think that we know ourselves well. But when asked to recall, we can’t remember what we did at this time on this day last week. Time is the most valuable resource we have. We need to track it like we do our bank accounts, because as the old saying goes, time is money. You can always earn more money, but you can never get back wasted time.

Keep a time-sheet to record how much time you spend on tasks. Even everyday/personal tasks. You’ll be surprised to see how much time you waste on certain things.

3. Don’t focus on your weaknesses, work on your strengths instead

It’s common practice to improve your weaknesses. But that shouldn’t be your primary focus. The most important thing is to first improve your strengths. Having a strength means that you already have a foundation for it (otherwise it wouldn’t be a strength) and acquired the basic skills. You should already have a solid idea of what to improve. The difference is that this growth will be exponential versus improving anything else.

Weaknesses cause limitations because you’re starting from the ground up. Everything is so new and it can be difficult to identify what works. But once you find those weak points, you can utilize your strengths (which you’ve improved) to help turn these weaknesses into an asset.

4. Rank tasks by importance, not the order you received them

Every task does not hold the same weight of importance as others might. Always ask yourself: What needs to be done right away? Regularly rank your tasks, and get the vital ones out of the way.

Sometimes we make the mistake of thinking that because a task came earlier, it is more important than the following tasks. Some tasks have a leveraging effect, so even if they arise later than other tasks, it should be prioritized to be finished right away.

Example: You are planning to brush up on your presentation skills, so you read 20 self-improvement books to reach your goal. Then you decide to read books on speed reading. The best move would have been to read the speed reading books first, to make reading your self-improvement books quicker and more effective.

5. Don’t bite off more than you can chew

“You can’t eat the whole pizza at once.” Now while this statement may come off as a challenge (I’m sure some of you could scarf down a whole pizza with no issue) the point is that we think we can handle enormous tasks on our own. Taking on too much at once can be discouraging, and will ultimately lessen your motivation.

The solution: break down big tasks into smaller, digestible tasks to create order and relieve some of the stress.

6. Smart people know when to delegate

Don’t feel obligated to do every little thing yourself. Doing more doesn’t mean doing better. In fact, if you have too much on your plate you are very likely to make careless mistakes because you’re trying to do too much at once. Recognize which tasks can be passed on to others so that you can focus on more challenging and important tasks.

7. Use your brain for thinking, not remembering

Information is unlimited, it’s impossible to remember everything. There’s a popular saying, “You have already forgotten more than you already know.” Meaning, there is just too much information to retain it all through memory alone. There’s a variety of tools that we can use to organize our thoughts and ideas for us, such as: computers, notebooks, our phones, etc.

8. Review your productivity at the end of the day

At the end of your day, take the time to reflect what you have accomplished, and what could be improved.

Ask yourself these questions:

What have I done well?

What have I done poorly?

Why did some things not work out as planned?

How can I do better tomorrow?

When we don’t reflect, we rely only on natural growth. Successful people concentrate on deliberate practice, where they actively identify and focus on things to improve. Even if you feel that you’ve done a job well done, still consider what could be done in terms of improvement. There is always something!

9. Sometimes cutting tasks is better than adding them

Make it a practice to regularly clear out what isn’t useful to you. This can be manual tasks, physical items, or even relationships. Think about it, physical clutter doesn’t only take up space, but it inhibits our performance as well because we have the physical impression of overload. I know that I personally need to have an organized work space, or I just can’t concentrate.

Just like we need to de-clutter our surroundings, we need to do the same with our digital space, only making room for what it important and deleting the rest. Your device will work more efficiently, and you don’t have to sift through endless folders and files to find whatever you’re trying to access. Less is more.

10. Estimate time for your task

Sometimes this is something that we slack off on, going into a project without considering how much time it is going to take us. To help with this, follow the 2 minute rule. If it can be completed within two minutes, get it out of the way first.

Neglecting to estimate your time can cause you to waste time; because you do not have a real goal in mind or deadline you are trying to meet. If you don’t set a standard, then you won’t know which aspects need to be improved upon and tweaked for efficiency when the task is repeated.

Example: You are making an avocado salad. Before beginning, how long do you think it is going to take? 30 minutes? 15? 3? When we consider the task at hand and the time needed to complete it, we start planning on how to do it more efficiently.

11. Stretch your creativity no matter what your job is

We need a bit of creativity for every task that we complete, no matter how mundane it may seem. Creativity is not always a naturally given talent, but a muscle that can be trained. Perhaps you’re not the Renaissance man (or woman) of the century, but you can drum up some out-of-the-box ideas along with the best of them. We need a bit of creativity in order to step up our efficiency.

This could relate to tasks such as time management or production procedures. You need to exercise your creativity to make an already existing practice even better.

12. Know when to stop as tasks tend to devalue overtime

When the productivity of a project beings to diminish, you need to know when it’s time to call it quits. Tasks tend to devalue overtime. The longer a task is taking, the less likely it is to be successful. When it starts to seem that progress is declining, it’s time to cut your losses and reevaluate your game plan.

Example: When a business realizes that they are losing more and more money each month, they need to change their strategy.

13. Always assume that you don’t know as much as you may think you know

Because the truth is, most people don’t know much. There’s an endless supply of information relating to just about anything. Never be overly satisfied, always know that there is room for improvement. Just because you have a good thing, it doesn’t mean that it couldn’t be better. Always continue to strive for more and look for new insights. You’re really only the best if you look for new ways to grow. And most importantly, don’t allow yourself to be secretly arrogant. Or outwardly arrogant. Stay humble. You will gain much more respect from your peers and your followers this way.

14. Identify your instant gratification and ditch it

You might think that you don’t have an instant gratification trigger, but everyone has one. This is something that you don’t really need to work for, but fills you with enough confidence and feeling of productivity that you don’t feel you need to do anymore. What is yours? Identify yours, and overcome it.

Example: Your boss is always very complimentary, nearly to the point of being coddled. Since you’re always hearing that you’re doing a good job, you feel like you don’t need to do more. But in order to improve, you should strive to do more to get to the next level of excellence.

15. Start with the big picture, work down to the details

Identify the ultimate goal at hand, and start from the beginning. Then, break down every task in sequential order that needs to be achieved in order to reach this ultimate goal. Double check your tasks at hand, ask yourself how it fits into the big picture and if it is really necessary. Could you time be better spent on a different task? Don’t just work mindlessly. Always consider the big picture and the moves you are making towards it.

The post I’ve Read over 100 Productivity Books and Summarized the 15 Most Important Tips appeared first on Lifehack.

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trendingnewsb · 7 years

Text

I've Read over 100 Productivity Books and Summarized the 15 Most Important Tips

1. Don’t wait for others to set your deadlines, set them for yourself

2. Keep track of your time like you do your bank account

Keep a time-sheet to record how much time you spend on tasks. Even everyday/personal tasks. You’ll be surprised to see how much time you waste on certain things.

3. Don’t focus on your weaknesses, work on your strengths instead

4. Rank tasks by importance, not the order you received them

Every task does not hold the same weight of importance as others might. Always ask yourself: What needs to be done right away? Regularly rank your tasks, and get the vital ones out of the way.

5. Don’t bite off more than you can chew

The solution: break down big tasks into smaller, digestible tasks to create order and relieve some of the stress.

6. Smart people know when to delegate

7. Use your brain for thinking, not remembering

8. Review your productivity at the end of the day

At the end of your day, take the time to reflect what you have accomplished, and what could be improved.

Ask yourself these questions:

What have I done well?

What have I done poorly?

Why did some things not work out as planned?

How can I do better tomorrow?

9. Sometimes cutting tasks is better than adding them

10. Estimate time for your task

11. Stretch your creativity no matter what your job is

This could relate to tasks such as time management or production procedures. You need to exercise your creativity to make an already existing practice even better.

12. Know when to stop as tasks tend to devalue overtime

Example: When a business realizes that they are losing more and more money each month, they need to change their strategy.

13. Always assume that you don’t know as much as you may think you know

14. Identify your instant gratification and ditch it

15. Start with the big picture, work down to the details

The post I’ve Read over 100 Productivity Books and Summarized the 15 Most Important Tips appeared first on Lifehack.

from Viral News HQ http://ift.tt/2tP3CLi via Viral News HQ

#IFTTT #Viral News HQ

0 notes