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#but I find this stuff really interesting I unironically like to read and think about how religions work
canisalbus · 2 months
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Imagine if Machete was Muslim instead of Catholic. His name would be something like Saif سيف, and Vasco would probably be something like Dhahabi ذَهَبِيّ
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dailyadventureprompts · 2 months
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Due to a unique confluence of dashboard alchemy this March 15th (A Merry Ides to those that celebrate 🗡️🗡️🗡️) I had an interesting thought regarding fallout new vegas:
If you strip away the rhetoric and the goofy football pads, you'll find that the fundamental motivating factor of Caesar's Legion is male insecurity, with everything from how they treat women to their primitivist view of technology drawing from the same fear of immasculization that fuels all "redpill" movements.
(This is to say nothing of the use of roman iconography and the "retvrn" dogwhistle about abandoning modern "decadence" and harkening back to the rigour of an imaginary past)
This casts Caesar as our Andrew Tate figure, a charismatic ideologue who pitches a worldview that promises to impose order on the frightening chaos of reality. His philosophy is a salespitch targeted directly at his listener's insecurities but meant only to benefit him: " you are afraid of being weak. I know what strength is, listen to me. by internalizing my words and spreading my message you will become strong." Of course the difference is that Caesar's empire is built on expansionist violence where Tate's is built on insecure teenagers feeding misogyny into the algorithm for the sake of engagement. Either way it creates a hierarchy that doubles as an information bubble, where position within the hierarchy is determined by who best can adhere to/rebroadcast the leader's message, identical to how an mlm ships product.
This quite fits with a watsonian reading of fallout: the wasteland is a hostile and terrifying place formed in the shadow of an objectively failed 50s (styled) traditionalist patriarchy. Though society may have collapsed, the people who survived inherited that society's rigid view of what a man should be like (strong and driven by the acquisition of material and status) a view largely incomparable with the new environment (starvation, radiation, and mutant dinosaurs will kill you no matter who you are or how much stuff you have). Since institutionalized masculinity had failed, people in the wasteland were forced to look for new paradigms of what masculinity (read: strength) looked like, a void into which Caesar's ultraregresive worldview fit perfectly.
From a doylist perspective however, I'm not sure the writers were really thinking about gender all that much during the rushed development of FNV. Like just about every other aspect of legion society that wasn't cut for time, everything about them seems to be evil for the sake of evil. However If there's one thing you can say about the underbaked concept it was a real hit with social regressives incapable of reading deeper. Unironic pro-legion discussion of Caesar's ideology has been an on ramp to turn insecure nerds into fascists the same way that ideologies like Caesar's have been turning insecure jocks for decades. It's poe's law in action: the developers gestured at fachism but failed to do enough with it to prevent a portion of their player base from becoming radicalized.
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wrishwrosh · 4 months
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re: tags on labor in historical fiction post, would be very interested to hear what the four examples you mentioned are!!
ok u know what that tag WAS bait, thank you for taking it. technically speaking these aren't works dealing strictly with labor in historical fiction, they are my four treasured examples of BUREAUCRAT FICTION (so not NOT about labor in history?) i was gonna try to make this post pithy and short but then i remembered how extremely passionate i am about this microgenre i made up. so sorry.
bureaucrat fiction is not limited by genre or format but criteria for inclusion are as follows: long and detour-filled story about functionary on the outside of society finding unexpected success within a ponderously large and powerful System/exploring themes of class and physicality and work and autonomy and what it means to hold power over others beneath the heartless crushing wheels of empire/sad little man does paperwork. also typically long as hell. should include at least one scene where the protagonist is unironically applauded-perhaps for the first time in their life-for filling out a form really good. without further ado:
soldier's heart by alex51324. the bureaucracy: british army medical corps during wwi. the bureacrat: mean gay footman/new ramc recruit thomas barrow. YEAH it's a downton abbey fic YEAH it's a masterpiece. i've talked about it before at length, my love has not faded. the crowning moment of bureaucracy is a long interlude where thomas optimizes the hospital laundry (this actually happens twice or maybe three times)
hands of the emperor by victoria goddard. the bureaucracy: crumbling fantasy empire some time after magical apocalypse. the bureacrat: passionate late-career clerk from the hinterlands cliopher mdang. i reread this book every winter bc it is as a warm bath for my SAD-addled brain and every time i neglect all my responsibilities to read all nine billion pages in three days. it puts abt 93% of the worldbuilding momentum into elaborating all of the ministries and secretaries and audits necessary to run a global government and like 7% into the magic and stuff. there are also several charming companion novellas and an equally long sequel that dives more into the central relationship between cliopher and the emperor which i highly recommend if you like gentle old man yaoi and/or magic, but there's more bureaucracy in HOTE.
the cromwell trilogy by hilary mantel. the bureaucracy: court of henry viii. the bureaucrat: thomas cromwell, the real guy. curveball! it's critically acclaimed booker prize winning rpf novel wolf hall! mantel is really interested in particular ways of gaining and maintaining power in delicate and labyrinthine systems like the tudor court, specifically in strongmen who use both physical intimidation and metaphysical manipulation to succeed. under these conditions i do think my best friend long-dead historical personage thomas cromwell counts as Bureaucrat Fiction (as do danton and robespierre in a place of greater safety. bonus rec.)
going postal by terry pratchett. the bureaucracy: fantasy postal service of ankh-morpork. the bureaucrat: conman, scammer, and little freak moist von lipwig. this is definitely shorter and lighter than the other three entries on the list, sort of a screwball take on the bureaucrat. but the mail is such a classic bureaucracy thing? who doesn't love thinking about the mail? also contains a key genre element which is a fraught sexual tension with the person immediately above the protagonist in their hierarchy, who is also their god-king and boyfriend-dad. you can't tell me vetinari isn't torturing moist psychologically AND sexually.
anyway sorry about all this. if you've read any of these come talk to me about them. bureaucrat fiction recs welcomed with the openest possible arms.
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monpalace · 10 months
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Okok, so my brain is not working with writing rn BUT i will finish that “reader and time pinning” thing that i was doing I PROMISE
BUT for now imma just share some thoughts of Time because he is THE LOVE OF MY LIFE AND I NEED TO RANT ABOUT HIM
*ahem*
Ive said before (on my blog) that Time uses really old and kinda cringey petnames because 1, he genuinely loves them and 2, because he LOVES making the boys squirm in second hand embarrassment. SO, have a few more of those nicknames :D -> snookums, sugarplum, baby cakes, muffin, foxy, and toots
Young time (like teenage/young adult) was an absolute bastard BUT when he falls in love with someone, he is an absolute sweet heart! Think the ‘i hate everyone but you’ trope :3
Young! Time did not know romance AT ALL! That boy was raised by a tree and a bunch if spirit kids, he has know idea what a ‘date’ is. This leads to him just acting the same around his crush but being a little nicer to them
Is then very confused as to why they dont know that he likes them. “It was so obvious? I gave you a piece of my apple pie! I was so clear with my signs 🙄🙄”
He THEN reads all the romance novels he can get his hands on (legally and illegally) just so he can impress them! Completely misunderstood everything and now he just has to straight up tell them, cause how their hair is on fire…somehow
(Modern) Time is totally the type of guy that ‘doesn’t like drama shows’ but if his lover was watching one, he’d stand behind the couch and watch. But when his lover offers to move so he can sit hes like ‘no, im not even watching it. I was just bored’ and the proceeds to watch the next 3 episodes while standing.
(Modern) Time has a leather jacket that he LOVES!! Like he will cut someone for that thing, do not fuck with it. No one is aloud to wear it expect him….And his crush/lover but SHUSH!
Time enjoys polishing his armour/sword while you read a book out aloud. You both find it rather relaxing. Until something dramatic/a polt twists happens, all if the sudden the armour/sword is dropped to the side as Time is BAFFLED by this. “They killed Aaron?! Wh-what? Why!? He was the best choice for Max!” (Hes so invested, his duties are now discarded until you two finish this chapter)
I wanna do more but this is kinda chunky :3
I love dis man so much 🫶🫶
THE WAY I PHYSICALLY AND VERBALLY CRINGED AT FOXY??? bro's the type to say "hey foxy mama" when you walk into a room unironically, he literally has no shame whatsoever whenever someone points out how dated that sounds to
time would fit the secret admirer trope so well though? but he wouldn't even be secret about it?? the lon lon sisters def gave him the advice to "just be himself" and that gave him the idea to take stuff from his woodland-spirit background
"link, why is my house filled with flowers from floor to ceiling."
"that's not a declaration of adoration here? huh."
AND HIM TAKING THE ROMANCE BOOKS? personally, i feel like he's the type to sneak into the library when (supposedly) nobodies looking and just taking whatever he can carry before sneaking back out-- but in actuality it's just that nobody cares
someone asked zelda if he was allowed to take the books because they've been coming back in a damaged state (it's not bad, but while he's workshopping how he's gonna bring words to reality, he messes up a little) and she just says its fine so long as he isn't committing crimes with them (which he has done. several times. no one knows)
ofc there are questions as to WHY he's taking the romance books specifically, but the guards and librarians just chalk it up to him entering his weird boy phase ™️ and not because he has an interest in somebody because him?? having a love interest before half the other people in the castle??? Nah.
you catch modern! time watching a (raunchy) reality show once (like love island, or jersey shore-- maybe even teen mom) and he swears up, down, to the golden three, and to the sand goddess that he just kept it on for noise and that he's paying all his attention to his work even though you caught him ON VIDEO having the most expressive reactions to certain moments
BUT THE LEATHER JACKET ONE?? someone walks up to you while you're wearing it (your relationship with time isn't common knowledge yet) and they make a joke about him burying them alive if they mess it up-- no less just because you're wearing it.
time pops up out of literal thin air making excuses that you were cold (you were not), he was hot and didn't feel like carrying it (his goosebumps say otherwise), he thought there was a tear and he wanted to try and fix it (.. yeah, okay.), he only gave it to you because you said it would go with your outfit (that is not the only reason he'd give it to you), and everything else just to try to hide the fact that he's soft
(also, bonus points if you made it??? now not even the goddesses could touch it. he's about three seconds away from giving into the inner ferality of his childhood self and biting someone if they even look at it)
but tell me why i just imagine time getting ready to like, get in a fight or something, you read something so earth-shatteringly shocking in the book, and he's immediately like "the battle can wait. [opponent] was gonna lose anyways. we have to figure out what the devil is about to happen"
i'm literally scooping ur brain from ur skull, putting it on a table, and i'm gonna examine it for the rest of ur ideas mwah
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sweetberrylover · 2 days
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I have a question, why do you almost always tag your art with D'arce and Le'garde as "not ship art"? Is it just a clarification? Is it just so people don't tag it as such? Do you dislike the pairing?
Sorry i am not active in many fandoms (just here to look at art) so im not familiar with why someone would tag is as that, thank you!
Your art is delightful by the way
1 Thank you ! Glad you like my art
2 The reasons why I tag it that way is to both clarify I personally don’t ship it because it’s canonically a pretty abusive pairing and to also in a way to make the intentional thematic contrast in my artwork way more clear.
In the game, Le'garde is extremely manipulative and selfish especially towards D'arce and it’s obvious she’s just a means to his own ends, while D'arce “ love “ for Le’garde is extremely codependent and it looks less like a crush and a more as a religious devotion. I find this type of dynamic and characters interesting but I don’t ship it cause it’s clearly abusive
Now to the contrast thing, as y’all know I love me some cutesy hearty and flowery stuff both because I find it pretty and also it helps with some themes I want to put in my artwork. I don’t just like drawing/reading about sugary romance I’m also really into horror.
You can see when drawing fanart for D'arce and Le'garde, I put lots of flowers, cute bright colors and some jokey jokes there. That’s cause it’s to both point out the abusive nature of their relationship while also in a way “ dressing it up pretty”. D'arce is infact unaware of Le'garde true nature and has a very rose-color glasses view of him and Le'garde has a gigantic messiah complex so that why I always make a biblical reference or make him pose all death and pretty while D'arce cries over him in a “ Jesus and Mary Magdalene” way. I’m pretty aware some of it may come out has shippy so that why the tag is there to clarify my intentions
Unfortunately some people in fandom spaces look at a relationship between two characters that is so clearly intended to be unhealthy and abusive and unironically go “ OMG GOALS 💕💕 “ so I’m also trying to make sure people don’t think Im in that crowd of people.
Hope I was able to clarify your question! If you want to ask me/ want me to clarify something more just ask!
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a1sart · 2 years
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so the ninja are canonically celebrities right? which means they have fans
y’know what fans do?
write fanfiction that’s what
headcanons about how the ninja feel about that under the cut :) (cut because this is long not because there’s nsfw headcanons or anything I don’t write that stuff)
Kai fucking loves it. He discovered that people wrote fanfic and he immediately started reading the most popular fics. Eventually he ends up with a ninjago version of an ao3 account (his username is probably fiyaamaster or something) and he makes it public. He shares it on his Chirp. He has all his fanfic boundries listed in his bio. People make memes about him finding their fics. Eventually an offcial “Kai DNI” tag is made because he’s read so many fics. He even wrote a fic once. It becomes the most popular fic on the site. It’s terrible. People quote it in memes. People have started sending him fic recs.
Jay is less enthusastic about fanfic. He thinks it’s weird that people write about him as if he’s a fictional character instead of a person. He doesn’t stop anyone from writing about him or including him in their fics though. The team doesn’t feel complete if one of them is missing and that carries over to fics. So he lets people write about him. He does avoid fics as much as he can though. He doesn’t seek them out.
Cole is resigned about it. He’s accepted that it happens and he can’t stop it. He doesn’t mind. Occasionally he will read one if it seems interesting. He had Kai post his fic boundries on his Chirp because Kai has more followers than him.
Zane is confused by fanfiction. (or at least rpf fanfiction. He completely understands fanfiction for non-rpf fandoms). He understands writing about people in like, a historical context for history books or biographies. But writing completely fictional things about real people? He finds it kind of odd. He has read a couple of fics because kai reccomended them but he doesn’t seek them out.
Nya is sort of amused by them? She reads them ironically if they seem funny but occasionally catches herself reading them completely unironically because the story looks interesting. She sees them as just stories where the characters have the same names as her and her friends. Theres a sort of disconnect between herself and the version of her in fics. She’s serious about her boundries though because she knows other people don’t see it the same way she does. She posted them on her Chirp and had Kai boost it so more people saw. She doesn’t read nearly as many fics as Kai but she does have a solid third place in ninja fic reading at the monastery. (When Nya became the sea a lot people stopped including her in fics because it felt disrespectful. This upset Kai and Jay because it feels like people are covering up her existance. It fueled Jays idea that people were forgetting Nya.)
Lloyd is an absolute fanboy. He used to write fanfic about Starfarer when he was at Darkleys so he is completely unsurprised when he discovers that people write fics about him. He has his boundries on Kai’s Chirp and he reads them if Kai thinks they’re good. He has a ninjago ao3 account that he used to use for starfarer that he uses for ninja fic reading now. He once live streamed a reading for a really prolific meme fic and the chat almost died. He even did voices. Other than that he’s pretty chill about it.
Pixal is on the same page with Zane on the fics thing. She reads more than him though. She has an account (her username is probably something like P.I.X.A.Lao3). She leaves detailed critique in the comments. No one knows it’s her. They all (mostly) assume it’s some random fan account. The fandom has started memes about the mysterious critique account. Theres a “P.I.X.A.Lao3 Please DO interact, actually” tag for her account because she gives genuinely good advice. Theres a conpsiracy theory in the fandom that the account belongs to Pixal but no one likes to think too hard about it. She finds this amusing. Cyrus Borg thinks it’s hilarious.
Wu actually doesn’t care. People have been writing about him since before time had a name. He’s the son of GOD. People write about him all the time. He doesn’t see fic as any different. He’s just used to it. He’s the one holding second place fic reading because of this technicality. He’s read a lot of stuff about him over the years. Not as much as Kai though lol.
Misako doesn’t read fic about herself and never plans to. She doesn’t care all that much.
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self-loving-vampire · 10 months
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the "cool girl" monologue?
It gets pretty long but:
Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl. Men actually think this girl exists. Maybe they’re fooled because so many women are willing to pretend to be this girl. For a long time Cool Girl offended me. I used to see men – friends, coworkers, strangers – giddy over these awful pretender women, and I’d want to sit these men down and calmly say: You are not dating a woman, you are dating a woman who has watched too many movies written by socially awkward men who’d like to believe that this kind of woman exists and might kiss them. I’d want to grab the poor guy by his lapels or messenger bag and say: The bitch doesn’t really love chili dogs that much – no one loves chili dogs that much!
Note that the character who is saying this stuff is kind of unhinged and extremely resentful about her relationship. She doesn't seem to be much of a fan of other women, and she also doesn't seem to have the healthiest view of men for that matter.
Anyway, a lot of people have taken this villain monologue at face value and started judging real life people based on it.
If they see a conventionally attractive woman talking about how much she likes to eat or play video games or whatever it is assumed to just be a performance for men. Like those preferences are unnatural and forced in women (but of course no one seems to doubt men who say or do these things nearly as much, their interest is considered automatically legitimate).
And as a result there's some people out there who seem to unironically believe that having gender-nonconforming interests is internalized misogyny.
On one hand I find this whole thing amusing because I am both a narcissist and a less crass version of the character type described (loving food, being a pervert, gaming, etc. while also being hot. Not big on anal or unsanitary stuff specifically though, and beer holds no appeal to me either).
I read that stuff and think "Oh wow, yet another allegedly impossible ideal that I just effortlessly meet without even trying."
But on the other hand I also find it kind of grating when people overly highlight gender or start strongly gendering activities like this. To me, it is silly at best to imply that only men can have an interest in a particular hobby.
Like, stop. Do you really live like this? This is as stupid as when my father said only women and gays liked cats. It's not even true and you know it. Stop pretending people who have these interests don't exist in real life.
Some of us are just too autistic to care about gender norms one way or another, and to be honest I think more people could do with being even just slightly more indifferent to gender.
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ace-robot-has-matcha · 3 months
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Things I like and didn’t like about hazbin hotel
I watched it last night with my friends. My basic thoughts are that it’s pretty good.
!!THIS IS ALL 100% MY SUBJECTIVE OPINION ON ASPECTS OF THIS SHOW!!
Stuff I liked:
Most of the songs were pretty good, and of course the singing as well. The visuals for the songs are also very cool a lot of the time as well. Visual standouts included the vox song and the husk song
I’m still sad about the loss of the original cast, but I will admit that the new cast is also good. RIP Michael though. I still miss him in this show but he’s In everything now so whatever.
Vaggie was cool. She really felt expanded from the pilot version, even though I kinnnda miss her old design. The other new designs I got used to, but hers still strikes me as weird.
Niffty was epic. Honestly just like me fr.
This show made me come around to Alastor. Liked him in the pilot, but he was never my favorite (probably overexposure). But he ended up being a very goofy character, which I liked. The mystery element of what he was doing for seven years is also interesting.
I actually ended up liking the Vees. I didn't expect to like them lol. Vox is funny and has a cool voice, Val is cartoonishly evil (and scary at times so that's neat), and I never cared about Velvette before, but she turned out to be my favorite of the three.
One thing I really like about vivziepop shows is that she puts all those hidden text stuff in that you can actually pause to read. She does this in helluva boss, and she keeps up the tradition here. I like when shows do that.
So for years I've been calling him Anthony as a joke to lovingly bully him, and then it ended up being shown in canon lol. For some reason this made me lose my shit. Oh and also the angel dust stuff was really good too yeah yeah
My absolute favorite part was unironically Sir Pentious. This is mostly due to the surprise that he actually ended up in the main cast. I had no idea that was going to happen. I thought he'd be a sort of villain-of-the-week guy who sort of joins the party, but nope this goofy idiot hangs out at the hotel for the rest of the show lol. That was awesome. I never knew how much of his character I needed until now.
I'm pretty easy to please when it comes to television. I'm willing to excuse a lot of things, which is probably why I'm one of the like ten people who still thinks Helluva Boss S2 is okay. Therefore, there were only a few problems with these episodes that I actually didn't like enough to put here.
I really really didn't like Adam. His voice is good, his song is good but that's pretty much it. I don't even really like his design. He was just so irritating and unfunny. I know he was supposed to be annoying and unlikeable, but usually I still find enjoyment in those characters, and I just couldn't here. Case in point: Mammon is basically the same character but actually funny.
This is the only nitpick that really bothered me. Zestial is a cool character. BUT HOLY SHIT THEY COMPLETELY FUCKED UP HIS DIALECT. It happens a lot and it's so irritating because it does not take very long to look up the difference between thee, thou and thy. They didn't even change it to make it rhyme, it's just legitimately fucked up. This annoyed me way too much admittedly but it made me cringe in like every scene he was in, even though I liked everything else about him.
Yeah episode one isn't great. It's not very focused. This is kind of par for the course for vivzie shows though.
Spoilers I guess? I did not like the reveal of who killed the angel. It turned out to be some lady we just met five minutes ago?? It felt very underwhelming and made me angry. However, this one I'm willing to make my peace with because it's episode three, there will probably be a better payoff later. Hopium.
Write me an essay in the comments about why I'm wrong about everything or whatever. I'll read it and maybe adopt it into my perspective. There's probably other things I wanted to talk about that I forgot, but I don't care. Anyway I like this show give it like a 7.6 out of 10.
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moghedien · 9 months
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I'm a newer Wheel of Time fan (started reading the books when the show came out), and with season 2 on the horizon I was wondering what the WOT fandom's feelings on the Seachan tend to be.
(I have read all the books so no need to worry about spoilers on my account)
So I can only really speak for what I see on tumblr. I make a point to avoid the WoT fandom on other sites tbh. the Twitter fans aren't super bad but I find some of their tendencies kinda cringe (i'm sorry I cannot take the constant RPing). Reddit and facebook can be pretty bad at times. I don't have a facebook, but I refuse to look at any shit on reddit. this is all just to clarify that I have no idea if this is true elsewhere, I literally only look at WoT stuff on tumblr
ANYWAY, I haven't ever really seen people like out right defend the Seanchan. like as deranged some takes I've seen are, I don't know of anyone outright supporting the Seanchan and all they do. Plenty of people do like the Seanchan in a more like "they're interesting" kinda way. Even I find the Seanchan interesting and like hearing more about them. Plenty of people also like characters like Tuon, but again I don't ever really see people *defending* her if you know that I what mean. Then again, I've seen just as many people who cannot fucking stand her so it really varies.
overall, I think people like that the Seanchan are there because they provide an interesting group of people that do like horrific evil things without being part of the Big Evil Guy group and who think that they're actually against the Big Evil Guy. I don't know people who will unironically say that the Seanchan are right, but they're interesting. They provide a weird dynamic. Most of the frustration I do see with them isn't that they're there, but that they don't have any obvious changes at the end. There's no clear sign that they're gonna stop being fucked up, and that's the most complaints I hear about them tbh.
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doctorweebmd · 5 months
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hi this isn't a question i just desperately need to tell you how much zero sum game ruined me and put me back together again. lurking mental illness and suicidality under shit circumstances, physical disability, mental and physical scars, constantly fighting off the ptsd and having to learn how to cope in ways that don't hurt other people so you can hang onto the person that makes it all worth it. it's everything i've gone through, right down to soul destroying and healing intimacy, at first to feel pain and then to attempt feeling truly good for the first time. zero sum is undoubtedly going to be one of those artworks i can never shake off my psyche in the best way, like an abstract background hug for my heart. thank you so much for taking so many scary themes to tackle and packaging them so beautifully, i really needed that lately.
sincerely, a previous battle of the bands fan who is now absorbing your entire oeuvre into their personality.
first i want to thank you profusely for sending me this. thank you for sharing your own experience, and your own pain. i know thats not easy and i'm some random person but honestly reading this makes me feel not so alone in the world. of course, thank you for reading, but also for relaying that you felt seen by it. i always feel so silly because its a my hero academia fanfiction but, with all sincerity, words like yours are what make writing it worth it.
zero-sum is sincerely my favorite thing i've ever written and probably always will be. not because i think the plot is awesome or the physics stuff was cool (EVEN THOUGH I STILL THINK THOSE THINGS ARE TRUE) but because its the first time i was able to write about my own personal experiences with mental illness (heavily projected onto Katsuki and Izuku, lmao) in over ten years.
Okay fair warning i am going to overshare under the cut so please feel free to stop reading also I love you and cherish you and appreciate you thank you so so so much for sending this
i'm sharing this because, at some point, i needed to read this. maybe someone will stumble on to it and realize something. maybe not. maybe its just another way for me to continue to process what happened. i think i'll always be processing it. mental illness is a bitch
when things got really bad for me (the first time around) i stopped writing completely. at that time, i truly, from the bottom of my heart, believed that my disorder was the only thing that made my writing interesting. that if i was to recover, that means i could no longer do the only thing i was good for. unironically, writing was actually a major barrier to my recovery for some time.
writing, the thing i loved most in the world, started heavily triggering me.
so i stopped.
the problem was, i heavily romanticized what i was going through in my writing. i made the suffering 'beautiful.' by thinking it was beautiful, i was trapping myself in a loop of self-destruction.
they say, 'write what you know.' but all i knew was misery. so misery was what i wrote.
romanticizing your pain is something i think we all do. sometimes you have to. its a survival mechanism. if the pain is 'beautiful,' then its 'tolerable' to go through.
what no one really tells you about mental illness is that its really, really fucking lonely.
what no one tells you about recovery is, its even lonelier. its the most isolating thing in the world. everything you relied on, everything you thought to be true, the way you interact with the world completely changes.
things are always going to be different. you can't go back to who you were before.
what i did do, when i went into recovery, was read the very few published books about people with (disorder) who recovered. over and over and over again. i needed something to latch on to. anything. i needed to believe it was possible. i needed to believe people like me survived. that they could find happiness. that they could find love. that there is space in this world for people as broken as me.
i dont know. zero-sum, to me, was a love letter to that 19 year old kid that hit her (first) rock bottom. i pretended she didn't exist because it hurt too much to think about her. but what she needed to know, then, that recovering, no matter how difficult, was worth it. that life can and WILL get better. that she will one day wake up every morning and think 'fuck. i'm so glad i'm alive.' that even people like her can find happiness.
that one day, many years later, embarrassed, she'll show her scars to a person she just started dating. that he'll sheepishly show her his. that they'll exchange police reports like love letters. she'll learn that there are people out there that understand her. have felt her same pain. have lived through the same hell. she'll learn that survival is sometimes based on hope, and sometimes based on spite.
but is, despite it all, always worth it.
she'll learn that her suffering does not preclude her from love and connection and happiness.
that one day, she won't feel so alone.
and that one day, she'll be able to sit down at her computer and write about it. maybe it will be in the form of my hero academia fanfiction lmao but that doesn't make it any less real.
maybe it will reach someone. maybe it won't.
but one day, she'll be able to do the thing she loved more than anything in the world again, because nothing is ever truly lost.
there is a future worth fighting for.
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rationalisms · 11 months
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hard agree w your post about male characters being so humanized by fans at all levels of pathetic and powerful, meanwhile female characters remain one-dimensional “queens” at best. (an aside, there’s a fun song called “don’t call me queen” by jaguar jonze and haru nemuri that touches on this phenomenon.) would you mind sharing some of your favourite female characters and strugglewomen? i’m in the mood to get obsessed with a new fictional failgirl ☺️
ty for the song rec! it's a fun bop :')
also re: recommendations-- if you haven't watched person of interest or read the southern reach series yet you absolutely should do so immediately do not pass go do not collect 2000 dollars
partly because they have incredible female characters, yeah (root (poi) and the biologist (southern reach) are two of my favourite characters of all time and poi in particular also has shaw, carter, the machine, control, kara... so many good women) but also because they are both just legitimately incredible in so many other ways, too. especially the southern reach series.
off the top of my head some other stuff with female characters that are fun in the way men usually get to be:
obligatory locked tomb recommendation even though i'm pretty sure everyone on tumblr has heard of it by now lol. so so so so many awful, pathetic, deranged women in it though <3 in so many flavours. so it's still a mandatory mention
borne (by the same author as the southern reach series)
thoroughbreds
dishonored 2 and dishonored: death of the outsider (emily, billie, and delilah are all So Good. u should start with disonored 1 because it's a continuous narrative trilogy and also it's a good game but fair warning that the first game is slim pickings when it comes to any women at all lol. DLC does have delilah and billie in it at least.)
stoker
the imperial radch series
and then there were none (2015)
unironically skulduggery pleasant lol
shadowrun: dragonfall (you should play hong kong too but my two fave female characters are in dragonfall)
widows
like any sarah waters
pathfinder: wrath of the righteous (kingmaker has a rly gr8 female character too but there's a lot less companion content in it than wotr so ymmv on whether it's worth it if you're just playing it for her. good game in general though!)
like any shirley jackson but especially we have always lived in the castle
i had Some Issues with the power by naomi alderman but it was still a fun idea executed well
divinity: original sin 2
extraordinary attorney woo
unironically final fantasy 13 lol again
these ones don't really count because they weren't conceived as women but if you play as a woman it adds a fun extra character/narrative dimension imo: prey, tyranny, cyberpunk 2077
this is more of an adjacent rec but if u like cheesy genre lesbian stuff with various permutations of dirtbag women then read like any lee winters book lmao
i hope you'll find at least some stuff you like!! definitely am gonna shoot awake at 3AM going "oh no if forgot xyz how" but this is a good start i think kdfgjd
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brookheimer · 1 year
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i’m going to be <3 honest <3 and say that roman has never looked hotter then when he was being decisive last ep. like obviously it’s bad BUT i cannot lie it was very refreshing to see him play the game like ken & shiv have been all season !!
i appreciate the honesty this is a space of full support and respect <3 but i must speak my truth as well — while i loved roman this ep truly (read: would kill him if he were real) i’m a long floppy haired roman girl at heart….. the rly short sides this season are an attack against me personally
also yes i’m always a proponent of roman Playing The Game like those r always some of my fav rome eps (see: too much birthday) bc it’s when he’s in that mindset that certain aspects of his way of thinking (ab business/himself/family/the world at large/etc) are like most explicitly shown and it’s always so fascinating and hard to watch at the same time! talked ab this a lot with too much birthday but Playing The Game is EXACTLY the right phrase for what he’s doing bc he, unlike all the other sibs (and everyone but logan, tbh), really does view it as just that: a game to be played. but while logan viewed it like that in a more, like, Everything Can Be Manipulated Everyone Is A Pawn It’s A Chess Match way, roman views it as a game in the Guys Cmon It’s Literally Just A Game It Doesn’t Actually Fucking Mean Anything Why Are You So Mad Is It Just Cuz Im Winning For Once way etc etc etc. agh i wrote a whole ass post ab this last year i’ll go back and find it n link it here in a sec for anyone interested i don’t have the mental capacity to reiterate it in any meaningful way rn LOL
EDIT: okay this is the one about the ‘game’ thing but it’s a lil different from what i’d say now or at least how i’d say it — i emphasized like empathy and how roman is sympathetic and why his actions make sense from a human perspective bc this was right after too much birthday and the general consensus was Roman Is An Evil Sociopath And I Unironically Want Him Dead so a lot of this was me being like guys. guys. calm down. he’s acting like this for a reason. it’s still very shitty but it’s not just pure malice or anything let’s look at this from a character perspective okay etc etc etc. there’s also this one which covers similar stuff that i think i maybe stand by a little more now altho i haven’t read it again lately so who knows! linking it anyways cuz who cares
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agent-cupcake · 1 year
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*read horrorshow the nth time*
do you have any fav horror movies to recommend?
I've probably recommended all of these before but here we go again with the bad takes! Wahoo! OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD
The Exorcist - my most favorite horror movie ever. I don't think a lot of people find the actual spooky ghosty stuff scary (unsettling for sure) but the characters are next level and the production and acting are unmatched. Ellen Burstyn's performance as a mother losing her mind trying, and failing, to save her daughter is haunting. It also lead to me doing my best Greek grandmother impression whenever I say Dimi, so there is that.
Jacob's Ladder - an inspiration for the first Silent Hill, this movie portrays unreality as well as Perfect Blue. It's super disorienting and impactful, I watched it coming out of a project focusing on the Vietnam War and... yeah, it's pretty miserable. Although there is a lot of horrific imagery, t's a genuinely heart-breaking film in some places. The core of horror is trauma, right?
Hereditary - the ending is pretty scary, but the thing that stands out in this movie is how miserable it is. Like with the previous two I wouldn't recommend it on the fear factor, it's more of a character deconstruction through the lens of a horrifying situation. Alex Wolff's character is masterfully written and executed. Obviously I've never dealt with such severe trauma, but his response and mental decline is very relatable.
Midsommar - It's the cult movie. People say it's boring, I disagree, but it's not really scary either. More... uncomfortable. I love that the protagonist is already in such a vulnerable and destructive state. Like she's just not doing well. It's been a huge inspiration in my own writing, and Florence Pugh is lovely. Like with Anya Taylor-Joy, it was interesting to see her get so popular after being a contentiously reviewed horror movie.
Blair Witch Project - who hasn't seen this? It remains at the very top of the found footage genre for a reason, the entire thing is amazing. People say it's lost its luster with the oversaturation, but I disagree, the acting and style of the OG sets it apart.
The Witch - the first thing I ever saw Anya Taylor-Joy in before she was everywhere. Solid movie, it uses all period accurate dialogue. It's not my favorite from a horror standpoint, but the scenario alone is sickening enough to be a selling point. The dad character's actor has a nice voice, don't @ me.
Perfect Blue - there is nothing I could say about Perfect Blue that hasn't been said before, but it is a masterpiece. Watch it. If you like animation, if you like psychological studies, if you like feeling real icky, watch it. Just do it.
Se7en - more of a thriller I suppose, but it definitely works as a horror. It's up there with my faves and is another movie that's been an inspiration in my writing.
It Follows - I mention this because I was listening to the soundtrack, but its a beautifully shot film with a very strong aesthetic vision. It's the "demon STD" movie, which is dumb and imo pushes some really harmful narratives about STD's and I'd say that the far more impactful reading is sexual trauma.
Suspiria (2018) - I'm not one for body horror but there's a scene in this that just... woah. I've never seen the original but I know the new one is very different, and it's amazing. I might be alone in this but it's a shame Dakota Johnson is in such trash movies because I think she's so cute.
The Shining - another classic that must go on this list because it is, unironically, just that good. Shelley Duvall deserved better, that's a fact. That her performance was so fantastic is astounding to me. It's funny that people say that her reaction is unrealistic when that was her genuine reaction to being put in a traumatic situation. Amazing film, she is a star.
I'm definitely missing some movies but such is the way my brain doesn't work. Thank you for your time <3
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longhands-the-second · 11 months
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Volume 2 thoughts, otherwise known as Disorganized Simping On Main. No i will not add pictures i think the lack of context makes it funny
1-
Oh fucking hell is it legato time already? It’s so EARLY. I mean we’d get to the cool stuff faster but SHIT.
Goofiest vash panel spotted
What that mouth d- *gets shot*
Holy shit he’s really different here huh. The depression is seriously obvious; it's wild.
That and he’s like. Extra pretty when he’s angry. Might be because those panels get more love and care put into them because there’s less of them so far.
We’re decapitating people now. DAMN that’s fucking heavy. We’re not even to maximum yet.
Tonally the manga is so much darker but I’m kind of eating it right the fuck up.
I wonder if there’s any significance to the one dollar coins? Those are impossible to find now, let alone however many centuries in the future they are (I think it was something like 400 years? Maybe that was just stampede.)
2-
EY YO COLORED PAGES???
Girl what the fuck-
I want to color this whole goddamn chapter but i have RESPONSIBILITIES and shit (<- unemployed and taking one (1) summer class)
The fucking smile. The switch. I yelled out loud. God they are so fucked up.
The fangs make an appearance. Lovely. Horrible circumstances though.
3-
He looks so fucking tired. Angry, too, but so tired. I love the simmering rage we get here, it’s missing from every other version tbh.
I always forget how absurdly capable he is. That’s the point, I guess, but man. Man.
OH SHIT THE ARM
Knives is so… wrong. In such a fascinating way though. The way he seems happy that Rem managed to save everyone, not for the people but for her- that’s so fucked and i am enamored with his specific brand of bullshit.
4-
I have so many questions about his scars. Like rule of cool or whatever but I need specifics. Why do they look like that in particular? What purpose do the implants serve etc etc?
I didn’t even register that they don’t know it’s a prosthetic. That had to freak them out so bad
His reasoning is interesting here. It’s not about his love for humanity at all, that comes later. He’s doing this for Rem. His vibes here are more like someone struggling to hold himself to what she believed in instead of actually, truly believing in it. It makes him more real, I think.
Maybe it’s the nature of the medium, but everybody seems much more introspective. Meryl specifically sticks out to me.
God he takes it so personally when people are all Dog Eat Dog. I can’t blame him.
Woah. Panty shot. (Side note i can’t WAIT to see him without the coat.)
Hunting he says. What’s he gonna do when he catches him? (Rhetorical)
5-
i read this in class so i didn’t take notes oops
6-
legato is unironically terrifying in the worst way.
I have never been a Huge Wolfwood Enjoyer. However i am charmed by his silly faces.
If i didn’t know better i’d call him a loser (affectionate)
GAY. HOLY SHIT
“come, let’s take ibuprofen together”
I love how 98, if anything, toned this interaction down.
Why the FUCK is midvalley built like a damn brick wall
7-
Vash is so. So fucking cute. My god i am the gayest mf alive.
I guess everyone is on this page but i'm fixated on confused vash he’s got me enamored
“DO NOT ENGAGE. I REPEAT, DO NOT FUCKING ENGAGE.”
I totally didn’t register that his arm was still gone until just now oops
Oh this is perspective porn. Love that shit
I hate to admit this but there’s something about seeing Vash freaked out that makes me grin. It might be like “WOAH SOMETHING IS HAPPENING.” Or i’ve just gone off the deep end.
Is. Is he blushing. Oh my god is he embarrassed-
I have to wonder why the bible is so popular here. Just based on the circumstances? I was never really sure if the events were literal in the trigun universe or not
VASHUSSY!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I am normal about him)
(It is NOT my fault he’s in those pants)
8-
I have a whole essay to write on vash and bodily autonomy but i'm gonna finish reading the manga first- other people have probably said it earlier and better than me.
Oh. Shit. That sure didn’t happen in 98 huh.
I find that every character has gotten more interesting in the manga. This might be because i’m already familiar with their anime counterparts. Wolfwood though, im starting to understand why trimax people like him so much.
The plants are so freaky here fr
CREATURE VASH
this is all kinds of fucked up and based on other posts i’ve seen this week it literally only gets worse from here
I hate how easy it is to empathize with everyone in this situation. I do appreciate Vash pretty much dropping the mask here, like this is what’s under all of the antics and his reputation.
He looks way too good in that top for the situation at hand smh i am SO distracted
Tbh had i not already committed to what i did i would’ve done these pages they’re so pretty
Does wolfwood know anything about this or is it all news to him???
God you can see the actual chunk of shoulder he’s missing from this angle
I do wonder how much of Knives’ concern is him genuinely feeling bad and how much is just like. Manipulation.
God this is so fucked up
On a lighter note the belts bursting from his arm are kind of a cool visual. Shit’s gotta hurt though.
MAN. FUCKING HELL.
EXTRAS
Day in day out- This made me laugh out loud. It also made me sad. No notes.
Pilot- Different vash definitely. My mans would not upskirt a girl like that.
I love seeing concept shit this is wonderful.
Time for trimax now i guess shit fuck goddamn
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scarletwitching · 10 months
Note
Do you have any opinions/meta on the portrayal of Doctor Doom's dictatorship in Marvel comics? As someone who is somewhat knowledgeable on the horrors of dictatorship, it always makes my skin crawl when writers unironically portray Latveria as this "benevolent dictatorship utopia" without bothering to put in the two seconds of thought/research that would immediately lead to the conclusion of why that is a wildly offensive, irresponsible, nonsensical, and logically unattainable concept to promote
I have to preface this by saying that I prefer the nice, likeable version of every character. Even characters I have no particular interest in, whatever the softer version of them is, that's how I think they should be written. I'm not saying this is a good thing or some kind of moral judgment. It's a matter of taste. Like, I can't handle Harry Potter because it's so mean, both in terms of the books themselves and a lot of the characters. People are always like, "Give us a Marauders show," and I'm like, why on Earth would anyone want to watch a television show about high school bullies? Are people okay?
Which is weird because I love Emma Frost. But I don't want Emma to be a villain. I don't know how to explain it. I guess I just prefer for characters to be well-intentioned. Characters can be prickly. They can have conflict, but when a character feels malicious, I lose interest in them.* I find it so much more compelling when characters are clashing but nobody is being cruel or monstrous, they just have their own viewpoint. So, on a purely character level, I do prefer for Doom to have good sides to him.
All that said, man, politics in superhero comics is tricky. It's a minefield. To play Devil's Advocate for the people writing these stories you dislike, what they're trying to convey is that the superhero perspective is not the only one, which is a sentiment I appreciate. I like when we admit that other people in this world do not have the views or experiences of the average superhero. I think that, theoretically, that complexity is a positive, but I don't think it's handled with much nuance or consistency within the stories themselves.
Where does Latveria fit on a left-right spectrum? What countries are they allied with? Who do they trade with? What are the internal politics? What real life country, past or present, is the best comparison point? Whomst can say. This is part of why politics in superhero comics is tricky. Because they don't really get into details. They just make broad gesturings at real life things and then the next writer contradicts that, and it all depends on what real world thing is trendy to reference. When you are Genosha, sometimes, you are South Africa, and sometimes, you are Yugoslavia. So it goes.
The flip side of all of this is, of course, that Doom is Roma, and the people who created him did not understand the sociopolitical implications of the character they created. What does it mean to be a "nationalist" when you are a Roma man from Eastern Europe? Sometimes, as a writer, you don't know that much about other cultures, and you write something with weird implications that you aren't aware of, and one day, it's 60 years later and that shit's still canon and we all just have to deal with it.
Like with a lot of dilemmas of superhero characterization, there's really no perfect answer because, no matter what angle you come at it from, there is the possibility of finding something questionable about it. If you get too far into trying to depict Latveria as a realistic dictatorship, there is weirdness/uncomfortable stuff on that end too.
Part of why our (read: USian) culture's current fixation on nostalgia is troublesome is that it is much more complicated to "fix" old canons than people think and often, it is impossible. We're stuck with all our movies being about characters created 60+ years, and they come with that baggage. A lot of times, it is the concept of the character where the problems lie, and the degree to which you can ever remedy that is... Well, it doesn't usually work 100%. And you can create other problems by trying to get rid of the old ones. Which is what you're complaining about, right? So, my tl;dr Doom take is that there is always going to be this weirdness to the character because of the nature of superhero comics. I get where you're coming from, but I also get the opposite argument. A true centrist, wow.
*Except, of course, for Zaladane, the only good supervillain ever created.
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Chortle headlines, anyone?
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This is hilarious to me, because I remember that episode of Question Team. I think it was filmed during Acaster's sort of lost years, between Cold Lasagne and Heckler's Welcome, when he quit social media and almost quit stand-up. He did this round on Question Team that, to be really honest, I didn't even find all that funny (I did enjoy a lot of Question Team, but it could be hit or miss as it changed every round, and I thought James' was a bit of a miss). But James got so excited during it, he kept repeating that he'd stopped enjoying comedy but this was great, it was the most fun he'd had doing comedy in ages. I kept thinking that the obvious assumption is he's saying that for a joke, doing a bit on a panel show, but it he was so committed to it, and it was so accurate to other stuff that Acaster was saying around that time (talking in interviews about being disillusioned with stand-up), that I wondered if he maybe he did actually mean it.
...Apparently he meant it. Enough to base a whole new show on it. Good for him, I guess. I don't intend to watch but I hope everyone involved has a good time.
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Two pieces of great news, I look forward to the release of both these things. If anyone has not yet watched Cunk on Britain/Earth, go fix that immediately.
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The sight of this picture (plus names beside it, since Fern Brady isn't in the picture) is the first thing that has ever, in my entire life, made me even slightly interested in watching a food-based TV show. Not interested enough so I actually will watch it, but still. Someone let me know if Adam Hills starts yelling at DO'D to take a cow apart at any point, and then I'll tune in.
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Frankie mentioned in his latest newsletter that he'd be starting a podcast soon. I got excited about that, because I think The Promethiad is the best thing Frankie Boyle's ever done; I think he works best just on his own, talking into a recording device. So I did experience a very brief split second of disappointment when I saw the promised podcast is not that, it's a chat-based thing. Then I remembered that Susie McCabe is the best, and it can never be bad news if Frankie Boyle and Susie McCabe are going to talk to each other about anything at all and record that conversation. I also like that, as stated in the body of that article, it won't have any format points or anything. Just talking.
I like Christopher MacArthur-Boyd too. I recently watched his special and was slightly disappointed by the first half as I'd read a lot about how funny he was and thought it didn't quite meet expectations, but then the second half was better, and I think if I'd gone in with normal expectations I'd have thought it was great. Also, I think he might be one of those people whom I liked better than his comedy. As in, I didn't absolutely love his stand-up special, but I did really like him, just his general approach to things, so I'd be happy to listen to him talk some more about stuff.
I have already subscribed the podcast, first episode's supposed to be out next week.
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You won't get me this time, Chortle, I will not be fooled again. It happened like four times in 2022-2023 that I'd see something about Jonathan Pie, think "Oh this looks interesting, someone known for being a creative and angry political comedian but I'd never heard of it before, I must look this guy up", then I do and remember it's Andrew Doyle from GB News, and then I forget about it and get interested again the next time I see it. Not this time! Go away!
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I so often hear jokes making fun of "comedian wins major award for show in which said comedian complains about getting canceled". I hear those jokes so often than I should be sick of them by now, I should consider them trite and overdone. But I don't think they can get overdone when the absurdly over-the-top thing they're making fun of keeps unironically happening. Guess we'll have to keep the jokes going for a while longer.
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Hello Edinburgh I am an artist may I have cheap accommodation?
Genuinely, though, this seems like a very good thing. Good for them. Also, I booked my Edinburgh accommodation in November and got pretty lucky to find a place at a fairly reasonable price, compared to the stuff I've read about how overpriced accomodation during the Edinburgh Festival is (not as cheap as the prices quoted in that article, but still, not bad).
There were also a bunch of headlines about Elis James and John Robins doing some new thing that I don't understand, I wish they would go the way of Frankie Boyle and just record themselves talking with no plan.
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