#but I don't have anything else to my knowledge
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almost uploaded a picture of my bank statement instead of this header! happy days!
thanks for the tags @hippolotamus @kiwiana-writes @happiness-of-the-pursuit @rmd-writes
@nancygillianmvp @terramous @tellmegoodbye @freneticfloetry @beautifulhigh
@orchidscript @myheartalivewrites and @strandnreyes (don't think that was a real tag but i'm taking it anyway to force you to love me).
1. How many works do you have on Ao3?
49 (last time it was 46 but i feel like that isn't enough of a difference? disappointed in myself dfhskjh)
2. What's your Ao3 bodycount word count?
1,119,086 which does include some co-writes, but I also have around 200k of unposted WIP in my google docs so i'm counting it (including a fully written fic - someone put their hands around my neck and force me to edit it PLEASE).
3. Which fandoms do you write for?
red white and royal blue, 911 lone star, top gun maverick (flirting with winter's orbit always)
4. Top 5 fics by kudos?
the order of these has changed but not the identity:
Speak for Yourself (RWRB) (you know when eminem said he'd never be able to top My Name Is? this is my version of that)
Fifty First Dates (RWRB) (oodie agenda reigns supreme)
The RIng-In (Lone Star) (otherwise, lone star is in danger of being eviscerated from this top 5 lmao)
(Not) A Cinderella Story (RWRB) (NDAs are hot, apparently)
Cursed is a State of Mind (RWRB) (cursed caffeine is the main drawcard let's not lie)
5. Do you respond to comments?
i try my absolute best to. i am currently really behind and i apologise for that (the problem is, i reply to comments before i post anything and i haven't posted anything in ages).
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
serious answer - Contaminated
my answer - oh baby i'm a fool for you because we never find out if they actually watch twilight and that's a damn shame
7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
literally everything else - i don't really do open endings or sad endings! in the words of the great philosopher, skepta: "nah, that's not me."
8. Do you get hate on fics?
i used to, but i haven't in ages! thank god for that.
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
yes, although i have to say i've been moving away from pwp lately. i feel my best smut is written into longer fics where the sex serves a plot or characterisation purpose within the frame of the overarching narrative.
10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?
yes, a RWRB/LS but i never finished it. ALTA is a veronica mars inspired tarlos fic which kind of feels like a crossover at times.
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
not to my knowledge :)
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
yes! Phonography (Lone Star) has been translated, as has Baby, Make Your Move (Lone Star) and Warm Whispers (Lone Star). I'm very grateful to the incredible people who have made these translations happen - you are so talented.
13. Have you ever co-written a fic?
yes, many with @dustratcentral. I also wrote a chapter of a co-written fic with a whole bunch of incredible RWRB authors called never the same twice.
@rmd-writes and I have created (Un)Professional Services and (upcoming) Call Me (By Your Name).
The Rainbow Fish was co-written with @strandnreyes.
I love co-writing so much and I am always open to anyone who wants to give it a go!
14. What's your all time favourite ship?
me + my unposted wips.
15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
probably the aforementioned crossover which was apparently also my answer last time.
16. What are your writing strengths?
i'm allergic to giving myself compliments but i would say maybe dialogue/banter and worldbuilding.
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
keeping things short. also, exposition.
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?
kinda scared to because i don't speak any other languages and i'm so hesitant to annoy my very talented multi-lingual friends with my annoying questions.
19. First fandom you wrote for?
we don't talk about that.
20. Favourite fic you've written?
probably still Love Game because the experience was just so amazing and i never wanted to stop writing it.
heaps of people have already done this so leaving an open tag and also a couple of suggestions under the cut but apologies if you've already participated or been tagged 7 million times:
@bonheur-cafe @theghostofashton @thebumblecee @indomitable-love @eclectic-sassycoweyes
@tailoredshirt @vineofroses @liminalmemories21 @mikibwrites @birdclowns
@ladytessa74 @basilsunrise @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @rosedavid @sanjuwrites
@alrightbuckaroo @three-drink-amy @marjansmarwani @dumbpeachjuice @doublel27
@lemonlyman-dotcom @blueink3 @ambiguouspenny @clottedcreamfudge @emmalostinwonderland
@sail-not-drift @inexplicablymine @celeritas2997 @cricketnationrise @reyesstrand
@goodways @carlos-in-glasses @heartstringsduet @sunshinestrand @sherryvalli
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All the sentient machines/equipment in the TTTE universe are neurodivergent btw. Sir Topham Hatt told me himself.
#ttte#thomas and friends#thomas & friends#this is only half a joke#I hc a lot of TTTE characters as being autistic/adhd but I'm sure there are characters that could have other neurodivergences applied#autism/adhd aren't the only ones after all!#I'm just careful abt how I hc things bc I'm autistic and 99% sure I have adhd too#but I don't have anything else to my knowledge#and I don't want to accidentally hc a character in a way that's offensive to the people who do have other conditions
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https://www.tumblr.com/skullsandcorals/738285799236321280/im-dyslexic-im-not-stupid
1. Holy shit I am so happy I found another person who gets how smart Percy is, and gets that every instance of Percy looking/getting called stupid is due to his dyslexia or people not telling him anything.
2. Which book/chapter is this from? I need to bookmark it ASAP and start shouting it from the metaphorical tumblr hills.
3. We really don't talk about how good a mom Sally is? Like yeah she's badass and gentle but like. She respects Percy. When the school system failed Percy, she's the one who still not only believed that he was smart but still acted like it and probably taught him too. Queen mom Sally Jackson right there.
1.) YEAHH EXACTLY. Or his ADHD 😭 It drives me NUTS whenever Percy is treated as the dumb + comedic guy. Like I get what they're saying and why they're saying it, but sometimes his character gets reduced to JUST that and it hurts my soul. I get that he's funny as a narrator and as a character and sometimes he can be a little "clueless" but it just feels like some people like to think of that as either all he is or a huge part of who he is. I believe I've also seen Leo get this treatment despite literally being insanely smart at such a young age so. that's...fun. They can be funny and smart too 😞
2.) It's from the 10th Anniversary edition of The Lightning Thief! It's Rick's cover letter for the first readers of the manuscript & a note from the narrator. I don't have a copy of that edition myself, but I've seen some pictures of it on Rick's blog and someone posted one of the pages on Reddit (where I got it from).
Here's the full page from Reddit (source) & the picture from Rick's blog where the page is visible (source):
3.) YEEEAHHHH I LOVE HER SO MUCH!!! What I would do to get adopted by her rn. The way she talks to him makes me kinda teary-eyed because she's just so...you can just tell how much she loves Percy and that she would do anything to make sure he grew up resilient and kind in a world that's always out to get him. She believes in him so much that it just makes me lose my mind a little. It's just so sweet and I can't help but feel so moved by it.
I'm not sure if you've read Chalice of the Gods, but there's this scene where (spoilers, kinda) Sally talks to Percy after the whole thing with Hebe and honestly this scene makes me want to sob and cry and weep
“You are a lot of things, Percy. But helpless isn't one of them.”
#personal mail ♡#long post#pjo/hoo#percy jackson#sally jackson#percy jackson and the olympians#the lightning thief#chalice of the gods#don't get me wrong tho. i know percy can and had acted clueless or oblivious or whatever.#but my gods. at least think about it for a hot second.#adhd + dyslexia + people just not telling him shit + other characters treating him like he's stupid + gods know what else#i wouldn't have said anything if they were just talking about the book#and about that one specific scene where percy called his teacher an old sot#because he did admit he did not know what the hell that meant.#but c'mon :/. percy will say anything relatively smart and people will discredit the shit out of his intelligence and knowledge 💀#has acted*** just ignore any typos I'm sorry 😭#the impertinent thing isn't even that big of a deal 😭 it's like...one relatively “big” word. but gods forbid right 💀#but anyway I love sally she's great and awesome and no she is not perfect but she sure tries her damn best to be who Percy needs her to be
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I live! And I'm writing a fic
Hello, everyone! :) I've re-started the process of moving this blog over to a side blog (@darkeneddawning) when I have time. End goal is to have all my art and stuff from here over there, so my main blog (this one) can be used for everything. The side blog will be where I post new phandom art and stuff.
Hopefully the transfer isn't too confusing for everyone. If you want to follow me to see my phandom art and stuff, you might want to wait until my side blog is all caught up, or you'll be spammed with me reblogging all of my old art over there for the next while. I'll announce on this blog when it's done and wait at least a week so people have time to unfollow this blog if they don't want my reblogs of everything I like to clutter up their dashes.
But I'm too impatient to wait until I'm done with that before I start posting again, so here's a blurb from the DP x DC Circus Gothica crossover fic I'm writing! It's going to be a while before I can post it since I've got a lot going on and I'm a very slow writer so far, but I'm hoping posting about it will keep me motivated to continue working on it :)
It's not a very long blurb, but I'll put it under a read more anyway (along with a synopsis of the fic):
Fic synopsis:
Wait, but if I’m mind controlled, and you’re mind controlled, then who’s catching the evil ringmaster??
Jason wasn’t expecting to join the suspicious circus he was investigating on Dick’s behalf, but a day in found him planning a heist with his new posse of co-slaves. At least getting in on the action gave him the answers he was looking for, as well as some others to questions he’d forgotten he was still asking.
Or: A new circus rolls into Bludhaven, trailing a history of too many pilfered towns to be a coincidence. Dick asks Jason to look into it on account of Dick’s circus related trauma. Jason was expecting to find evidence, not a one-way ticket to minion town, or a mysterious boy who somehow calmed the insatiable waters of the pit. Who is this boy, and what can he teach Jason about himself?
----
Though he felt compelled to come, he didn’t know what was wanted of him now that he was here.
“This area is off limits to guests. Can I help you?”
That reaper kid from the performance, head attached, was looking at Jason with a raised brow. The same Red color that was swirling around Jason’s brain occupied the kid’s irises. Now he was up close, Jason could see how the kid’s stage eyeliner was only a slight enhancement to the genuine dark circles under his eyes. With those in addition to the gaunt hollowness of his cheeks, the kid looked like he hadn’t slept in years.
Jason smiled. It wasn’t a natural smile, but the Red liked it. “I’m here to, uh… cross over to the dark side?” That was all the Red was giving him to work with.
Reaper kid squinted at him, then drew back in surprise. “Woah, I totally thought you were human. Is that a disguise?” he asked, walking up to Jason.
“Disguise?” Jason glanced down at his body like it would clue him in to what reaper kid was talking about. He looked plenty human to himself. “What else would I be?” Was this important to the Red’s mission? Red was starting to feel a little more impatient.
“Uh, you know,” the kid gave a dismissive hand wave, but clarified: “Dead?”
#danny phantom#dp x dc#circus gothica#danny fenton#jason todd#I'm still hammering out the details but I have the main plot figured out#it specifies that danny's head is attached bc it comes off as part of the show#most of my batfam knowledge comes from dp x dc fics so hopefully I don't egregiously mischaracterize them#also are there specific tags the phandom uses for stuff like this that anyone would want me to use in the future?#bc I know I used to stay caught up on my favorite tags in the day and proper tagging/categorization is something I appreciated from others#I still don't want to post on this blog too much before the transfer is complete since I don't want to make the transition too confusing#this blog has gained a few new followers recently (that aren't spam bots) and I worry that the move is going to be annoying for people#honestly I shouldn't post this bc it probably is going to make the move messier if I do#but I really want to get back into participating instead of just lurking#and hinging participation on an intimidating obstacle has prevented me from doing anything for too long#I literally stopped posting on tumblr all that time ago bc I couldn't find a solution to how I couldn't reblog posts to a side blog easily#I tried over and over to figure out a way to reassign which blog was my main#I tried using a side blog as my everything blog and it was not doable for me#I've never seen anyone else make a transition like this so it's kind of embarrassing#but it's still the best solution I've come up with so please bear with me
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probably inaccurate d4 pokemon assignments
(disclaimer: i literally know nothing about pokemon i'm going off of vibes only)
Rinku: would probably have an aipom on her team (that steals her food. constantly.). also a heracross. I feel like she would have a few bug types on her team
Muni: has a buneary. Maybe a bulbasaur also (just because the shape reminds me of nyochio lol)
Esora: fire type trainer? would probably have a tepig or delphox
Noa: has a sylveon. used to be an eevee, but she loved it so much it evolved
Towa: water type trainer. has an azumarill, mantyke, and spheal
Rika: has a gyarados. i like to think she just came home one day with a magikarp and they became buddies from then on
Dalia: probably???? blaziken, sawk, and a machamp (who is equally afraid of ghosts as she is)
Hiiro: psychic type trainer. no specific pokemon comes to mind with her lol (probably has an audino..?)
Nagisa: has electric type pokemon. joltik maybe? or jolteon (they remind me of her hair)
Miyu: for some reason i thought she would have an audino or a clefairy?? so there's that
Haruna: gallade. she has a gallade.
Kurumi: any little bastard pokemon
Miiko: she would probably pick up scary-looking pokemon (cofagrigus), mischievous ones (gengar), the sad little paper towel (mimikyu), or anything with a creepy backstory (driftloon). so ghost/dark/psychic
Michiru: teddiursa? just because of the bear on her head lol
Lumina: would it be legal to give her legendary pokemons. jirachi.
Weronika: has an ursaring and a primeape which matches her shitty temper lol
#itlogthoughts#not maintagging this#i'm honestly going off of stock knowledge (just the old pokemon animes and anything else i heard of in passing) so don't expect much lol#anyone whose names aren't typed down means i couldn't think of anything good for them. sorry girls#mash and rei would have something music related. i was thinking of loudred for some reason for mash#and a meloetta for rei idk#kyoko and shinobu would probably have something related to their personality or their actual pets. yk. vevo and hanzo#so dog pokemon? ehhhhhh#nothing for yuka (sorry yuka)#nothing in my head either for saki and ibuki (sorry again)#i feel like ik a pokemon that would fit marika but it's floating at the back of my head atm so ehhh#pancham or pangoro for saori but i feel like they'd be too much for her to manage LMAO#nothing for aoi but tsubaki could have an umbreon? or would that be too typical#something related to fortune or divination for hiiro (hence the psychic type assignment) but idk much aside from jinx and espeon..#iirc miyu has a flower garden and a koi fish pond so maybe flabebe/floette and seaking?#aside from gallade i feel like other pokemon who are really duty-oriented pokemon like farfetch'd(??) and escavalier(?????)#sophia would probably also be a dark/ghost trainer for obvious reasons. loves the occult. is gloomy looking#idk what prissy pokemon would fit elsie but maybe she would have a cinccino?#nothing for coa fans sorry coa fans#okay that's it bye
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i will never understand the "stop casting straight actors as gay characters" argument. people just wanna out gay actors so they can have a better grasp on who to hate.
#like this is notttt the argument u think it is#'gay roles should be reserved for gay actors' TURN ON UR BRAIN#i understand wanting to have more queer actors and to have them get more recognition. that's completely fine and im all for that.#what im NOT for is trying to enforce that every gay character has to be played by a gay actor#like did u guys learn nothing from kit connor#or all of the other actors that were forcibly outed due to this argument. like seriously.#im sorry im ranting but dear lord man#i just saw a clip of a decently popular influencer saying shit like this and it makes me so upset. esp coming from a queer creator.#celebrities owe us nothing. absolutely fucking nothing.#they dont owe us that knowledge abt themselves and we should not feel like we're entitled to it just bc two men kissed on screen!! goodness#celebrities are people and they deserve their own privacy and to have their journeys on their own time just like everyone else#they dont even need to have a journey!!!! they don't have to do anything!!! they can just live their lives!!!!!#idk man this really gets under my skin#stop trying to force people to come out just so u can make sure the very little amount of queer media we get is 'genuine' or whatever#like u sound ignorant and bigoted dude cmon now#am i gonna get hate for this i swear#anyway rant done its 1:30 am im gonna go back to! writing!#long tags#rant
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The atla no war in ba sing se was a satire article
to call it a satire "article" is an overexaggeration as it is actually just a fake quote from a satire "news" twitter account, but yes
that said, not really sure why you came to me about this lmao
#like i /kinda/ get the idea of coming to me as i know my tags on the post were upset more about that than anything else#but also like. ok and?#your point?#i promise you i am not going to be fact checking every quote or screenshot i see about that show#bc quite frankly i do not care that much#the show comes out next week and people will have better knowledge on whether it is actually good or not#and honey dearest that was not the breaking point on whether or not i will or will not be watching the show#<3#i cannot believe i got sucked down a hole of interviews verifying this ask and finding the actual source i don't actually carrrreeeee#askers#anon#shh ac
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every time I try to actually learn data science stuff or courses or something I end up looking at basic machine learning shit like "yeah okay I already knew that. I didn't actually know that one but it's common sense enough"
at the same time I definitely have the sense that any substantive question they ask me I will be like "yeah sorry I have not a clue about anything"
is it possible to solve this problem overnight (literally)
#m#I guess I have a somewhat vague and superficial knowledge#mostly I look up the details when I need something#honestly I know regression and gradient descent and most of everything else is secretly that so it feels like I know it#but I probably don't#like the particulars probably matter beyond 'oh yeah okay I get it'#also they are definitely without doubt going to ask me about projects#and probably 'I am incapable of making myself do anything like that of my own accord' is a profoundly bad answer
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there is a very weird specific way i feel when i see people who are very passionate about a very niche thing get so extremely annoyed about average people making mistakes about it so they make a very condescendingly worded venty PSA about it.
like they use this very mean tone about something they are personally upset by that the average person has literally no reason to have ever even questioned before and it just... treats anyone who didn't take some specific college class as a total idiot personally out to purposely ruin their day, instead of remembering they're in a position to genuinely educate on an issue that is honestly fucking harmless.
#txt#they're right i just wish they weren't so unbearable about it outside of their personal/academic circles bc misinfo IS important to correct#an example being how we call pics with wild composition Renaissance Paintings when we mean... baroque i think?#idk there was some angry psa about it forever ago#that i obvs still remember and so i know every time i say ren painting it's wrong#but at this point 1) no one else is going to know what i mean if i say baroque painting and 2) the tone was soooooo#annoying that i kinda wanna keep making that mistake on purpose out of spite even tho it's wrong!!#which is Bad but.............................. if ur trying to bestow knowledge upon us mere mortals maybe don't be a dick about it jskldf;#i get it bc i have my own topics i'm like that for but i think if i were ever going to outright make a psa i would...#yknow........#use a tone ppl would want to actually listen to me from because i know my annoyance is not what the world revolves around#it's not like tone policing where the person is like personally impacted by it on a foundational identity level#i'm not telling someone they need to talk about racism in a palatable way for white people#in Most cases this is just random academics who spend way too much time engaging solely with people in their field#who then have paper skin and glass bones whenever they interact with someone at the grocery store who#has no need to know anything about this#if you want to come across less misinfo you can educate people!!! kindly!!!!!#if you want to come off like a super smart pretentious asshole above us all then go for what i'm talking about i guess
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I think the disconnect between canon Belos and (a certain genre of) fanon Belos is that in canon he is pathetic (in the dramatic sense) not sympathetic.
#ramblings of a lunatic#like that's the thing he's a tragic character in a sense but he's pitiable in the dramatic sense more than anything else#you pity his codependency and his hypocrisy and his refusal to ever change and his borderline stupidity#(like I get it he's good at machines and hes good at manipulating ppl! but his plans are also kinda stupid and that's on purpose)#(he is a conservative he is charismatic not machiavellian)#but you fully understand that his refusal to ever grow or learn (which is the crux of his. Everything) is his fault#i don't know man I'm just kinda over the fandom conversations around Belos after watching and dreaming#even if it wasn't my first choice or instinct I've made the effort to understand why the writers did his ending the way they did#and i see their pov and I've decided actually. yeah i can see how that works#bc fundamentally while a very important character philip has never been the crux of this story#it has always always been Luz King and Eda. and the amount of ppl who are. deeply pissy about that fact#idk man i don't consider myself like. knowledgeable and conscious enough to accurately identify white bias in fandom#and I'm fully aware that fandom is not praxis and it's generally shitty to insist ppl spend more or less time on certain aspects of media#as if fandom is about filling quotas for HR#but also i can't ignore the fuckin. itchy feeling that ppl really took this man at his word when his main character trait is being A Liar#all bc he's a white guy with long hair#he's cool! i like him! especially now that i remembered the vocabulary featured in this post! i have words to describe my feelings on him!#and also none of this matters bc He Is Not Real and the toh writers are not sniffling and sobbing rn bc some ppl think they did belos dirty#i just have ''opinionated on characters'' disease#and my opinion of philip is that he's a great villain#but ppl willfully ignore WHY he's a great villain (He Is An Interesting Depiction of a Religious Conservative)#in order to invent different and more traditionally sympathetic reasons why he's great (he's just afraid and alone and he feels bad and he)#(you get it)#okay. I'm done#Do Not Read The Fucking Tags
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I just got back from Walgreens but I have to go again tomorrow because they couldn't fill one of my meds until then. And I just couldn't wait on the first one.
I am already feeling the effects of being off my birth control for only a day (I want to cry about EVERYTHING) and that wasn't even the urgent one! I can probably get it tomorrow but likely not til the evening so I get almost another full day of this hormonal madness first.
Wanna know the worst part of this? My current state of hormonal turmoil is actually a fucking picnic compared to how bad it can get. I am praying I don't encounter that worse variety before I can get back on my meds tomorrow.
Shoutout to the Walgreens cashier who was very nice to me as I bought myself bribery candy corn. They asked if I found everything okay and I just kinda had to be like. Well. No. But it's not your fault and you can't fix it. And they were like it's okay the week is almost over, it will get better. Go eat your candy corn.
#currently curled up in bed with my Emotional Support Jackets#(my starfleet sciences hoodie and my patch jacket) (i cuddle the patch jacket more than i wear it. it's so personal its weird in public.)#hylian rambles#vent post#meds tw#having a fucking day yall#and tomorrow is fieldwork day. UGH. i get to look at bugs and fish but also i will cry if anything else frustrating happens.#and I'm praying we don't have to kill any fish. we do have to kill bugs in this class.#it makes me sad but that's community ecology for you. and the knowledge will help save other wildlife.#I'm pretty sure the vertebrates get to live though.
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I am an adult, I have responsibilities, I can log off at any time, it is beneath me to get involved in or vaguepost about petty fandom disagreements- sees a post ah.
#this is about the duck should get human rights thing btw if you care#duck#ahiru#meta#fandom wank#I Disagree With People On The Internet. shocking I know but that's how it is#she is happy on the lake as a duck? idk. skeptical. are you sure#she can't relate to other birds and sees them as simple creatures as a human with more complex desires#she just has fakir and that's not enough she can't live like that she deserves more than that#and who are you to accuse me of “not knowing the show is about self acceptance”#I have made multiple separate tag rants on the topic. I know about it I just disagree. we exist#I know what the show is about. I just don't think that it was written in a convincing or satisfying enough way#for me to fully agree with it#like from here it just looks like a character who is placed in an unstable and miserable situation#purely because it's what she naturally is. even though she displays few behaviors typical to that. and thinks “it sucks”#and she has to accept that because? it's not convincing and is frankly circular#if you want a narrative like that then DON'T FUCKING LAST UNICORN IT.#don't place an ant on a circuit board give it for a brief moment the capacity to comprehend the circuit board#and then tear that knowledge away and leave it an ant again and expect it to be fine with that and keep on trucking like normal because#“oh well this wasn't meant for my eyes let me just forget about it”#no!!!#pick Anything else to use as your metaphor. I'm begging you.#when your self acceptance metaphor is a textbook fucking cosmic horror story you are *doing something wrong*#and I'm saying this because I love this show#unrelated but the cosmic horror angle here is kinda interesting actually. hmm.#mysterious and transmutable
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Mystery bugs in my home and I don't recognize them! I've seen a few around at this point and might make a more formal post about it tomorrow but, mystery bugs below the cut if anyone wants to take a shot at helping me ID them:
Not the best pics but it's got an abdomen with clear markings that make me think either roach or earwig, but photos of the nymphs of either don't seem to be matching up; granted I only looked for maybe 5 minutes and mightve missed something obvious but this guy's not ringing any bells for me
#I'm about to head to bed and have quarantined the perpetrator; i feel a little bad but i dont know what he is yet#I'd feel comfortable letting an earwig or smthn like that hang out but. i have reasonable suspicion hanging around this man#bc the apartment is a little messy and. if he is a roach i may bail and look for another room U_U full respect to them#ive seen lots of pet roaches and they make me quite happy to see but idk if I want them free roaming my house...#especially knowing i can't kill them; last time i killed bugs it was a bunch of ants in the pantry and it took an emotional toll on me 😭#I'd go the long and intensive route if it means i can keep them all alive but i know a lot of people don't swing that way#in that particular case i figured my roommates would prefer the ants to not be able to come back + the way to the backyard#door I would have taken them out of wasn't easily accessible so. massacre it was U_U#if you wanted to know ANYTHING about the type of person i am know that i physically cannot kill a bug or else I'll start crying#they're literally just little guys they're just existing!!! i can't punish them for just hanging out!!!! anyways#unfortunately small photogenic man may perish in captivity but that may afford better photo ops hmmmmm#i just need the knowledge base before i make any other judgements#you know what. let's put this in some tags actually; i was gonna formally rewrite this but may as well tag while I'm here#bugs#bugblr#insect identification#hoatm rants#I'm not overly concerned but ive seen a number of these inside now and this is the first one that's made its way to my room
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unfair that the Brain Things have an effect on my body and the Meat Things have an effect on my head. extremely poorly constructed and I want to Get Rid of It but there is not a convenient way to Do That.
#another general whinge. huzzah.#do not!!!!! want to spend an hour or so crying after a social interaction/planned future social interaction didn't go as planned!#utterly wretched horrible.#it also doesn't help that my knowledge of courtship ritual ends in probably the 1950s#if I can't help you out of the car [don't have it; can't drive it] at the dancing location [you don't want to go to it]#can't take you to the soda fountain or the movies [we live in a one-horse town with never such a thing as either]#can't save you from peril [isn't any] or hold you tenderly [hard to get any space alone with the right vibe] or anything else [i'm scared]#fuck. fuck. sobbing continues despite the fact that I should be better than this. hell and death.#if I was having only one of Bad At Do Assignment and Bad At Writing and Bad At Whatever This Is then I think I could take it.#but unfortunately I am experiencing all three simultaneously
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at some point i'll start recording while i draw. mostly cuz i want to see what i did to get to this point but it'd be neat... if i did it hvhsd
#just me hi#i would like to be able to post that stuff too#it'd be neat :> if i-#but unfortunately i have what is called Bad Memory and zero knowledge of how to build a habit so i guess one day loll#like -I- would like to see what it looks like when i draw 5 hands in 30 minutes and nothing else. it'd be fun !!#sigh. but alas. past me does not think that far into the future#the furthest we think is 'hee hee scribble :3' and then black out for a thousand years#but that's ok‚ we have hands now :) (drawn hands)#//and i've been having trouble picking something to work on again lollll#you'd think that making refsheets for the Ch0ir would mean 'oh! there's a decent amount of interest in that to do something else with it!'#nO!! lol!! won't can't didn't lolll#wanted to work on my current favorite writing-project‚ nahp!! nothing there‚ don't even Touch the save file or kaPOOT#wanted to do Something‚ Anything with p1nk space and That didn't even leave my brain. Zero Action Involved 💯#//also had super really bad internet recently but that's ok. i guess i'll just go insane to the same 5 songs i have downloaded‚ it's ok :)#[<- lying so hard we are losing my mIND somebody send helP i'm blinking twice auhguhgruog]#and i also misplaced my sketchbook so i've spent some time just staring out windows and at my siblings to slightly offput them. very#therapeutic i highly recommend 👍#//idk why i keep adding a second C to recommend. when did that start happening#every time without fail! reccommend is recomends sibling‚ and they're both recommends cousins#and don't even Mention reccomend! pah‚ that guy's insufferable#/see why can i spell congratulations beautiful insufferable ingenuity and poltergeist right on the first try but i can't (ex.) SPEEL.#these rules are dumb. from now on watever happesn hapens#see cuz i can get eh t letters but the odered is all wrong. and sometimes it's just staightr up the wrong word#like why did i just spell 'of course' ?? i meant 'backwards' ._.#and it's not even slepped right!! like hwat is goin on over there waith 'ovfc ousres'. they good orrr ??#likek whtatch me i can't get so many words wrong is none sentence s who even NEEDS aoutcorrect ouhfuohosug#meant 'can' but who cares fvfvbshfj#how does one hit an apostrophe by accident. tha ansswer is Magic obvisouly#liek i know i mispell kinda often but i reall y go through these things so often cuz i just have wonlyky fingers! they do they're own thisg#they like to dance!! and condgind is n't always coordinated
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#tw negativity#today was afwul#I was so determined to finish this paper this week just in time for jimin's comeback#like that was my big goal#I even announced it to everyone I know#but as the hours went by today I realised I'm not gonna make it#and it probably doesn't sound too bad but that realisation really fucks me over rn#I hate the topic I hate the assignment type I hate that I have no idea how to apply my knowledge#I'm overthinking every single detail as usual#and don't know if any of my ideas make any sense#I feel dumb and anxious as hell#it's exactly what I feared would happen for the past two years and why I couldn't even think about it for just as long#this paper's given me more mental damage than anything else in my life so far this is ridiculous#'annie once you start working on it you'll find your flow again! you always been so good at this!'#and now look at me. not being able to do shit#and if that's not enough I also got told that I very likely won't get paid this monnth#*month#because of a missing document from my psychiatric hospital stay#like literally fuck all of this#what a huge fucking joke#haven't felt this defeated in a whole while. and I certainly didn't miss the feeling
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