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#btw no one is obligated to agree/disagree - this has just been on my mind for weeks
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Personal Take Incoming (Critical Role)
Consider this a diary entry explaining some of my thoughts on a few Critical Role characters. Avoid reading this post if you don't want my takes on Keyleth, Fjord, Ashton, Orym, Imogen, Percy, and Caleb.
So, I've noticed a common trend with my favourite characters across a variety of fandoms. I personally am an individual who gravitates towards characters with integrity, and rules for themselves that they follow. Characters that have lines in the sand that they can draw and then defend. It doesn't necessarily have to be rules put in place by society, it can be ones they made up for themselves. These characters oftentimes end up becoming the moral centre of their party, which adds another fascinating angle as they try to navigate maintaining their morals with a wider group filled with diverse opinions.
I suppose that is why Keyleth was my favourite Vox Machina character from pretty much the get-go! Her integrity was what endeared me to her throughout the entire campaign. She had opinions of what she thought was right and wrong, and she tried her hardest to enforce that view. Were there times when she learned she was wrong, yes. But she kept what she learned in mind and adjusted her internal monologue to see fit. Keyleth's integrity and unwillingness to engage in the overly amoral actions of Vox Machina created a lot of interesting dynamics.
In campaign two, Fjord quickly became my favourite for very similar reasons. He was the one to ask Beau to apologise to Toya and insist that the party help the Schuster kids so that they wouldn't be put in an orphanage. He also maintained a certain level of honesty with the rest of the party about his history and his mysterious dreams. In this case, Fjord wasn't necessarily 'good' (as he was comfortable with doing some pretty shitty stuff), but he still had expectations of himself and rules that he would not break.
I guess that is why Asthon and Orym are currently my favourite members of Bells Hells too. They both have convictions that they will not stray from and a certain level of integrity that the party honestly needs. Now, whether or not they are right is another discussion entirely, but the point is that they have the courage to stick to their guns even when the group is leaning in another direction.
People have been complaining that the takes on Imogen Temult are unfair, and some of those takes are unfair! But I won't shy away from the fact that Imogen is my least favourite member of Bells Hells (I still think they're all fantastic - including Imogen herself). She is my least favourite for exactly the reasons above. Imogen supposedly has internal rules, but we've seen her be more than happy to break them when they don't suit her at a given moment. She's said that she hates to pry into people's minds and that she avoids it wherever possible - but we see her willingly dive into the minds of people like Dorian without their consent. Imogen has stated that Laudna is the most important person in the world to her and that she loves her more than anything - but Imogen cannot look Laudna in the eyes and tell her that she won't side with Laudna's murderer. That doesn't make the character any less interesting, but it definitely makes it harder for me personally to like her.
I've seen a handful people across socials imply that if you like Percy or Caleb, but not Imogen - it's because she's a woman. This is where I wholeheartedly disagree. While the overly negative opinions of Imogen are harsh and unwarranted, Imogen is the first character whose allegiances I am genuinely uncertain about. Percy and Caleb have said and done truly awful things; I think we can all agree on that. And while they have considered leaving the group, it was under very different circumstances. For the longest time, Percy had nothing waiting for him outside Vox Machina, so the only time I feared he would leave the group was when he died (since Tal confirmed he would've been happy to stay dead). Caleb too, had very little beyond the Mighty Nein and he considered leaving them on multiple occasions. But never once did he consider leaving them to join their enemy. Now, had the M9 faced the Cerberus Assembly earlier in the campaign, that might have been different - but I never feared that Caleb would switch sides in the campaign we did get.
The thing is, Imogen does have something waiting for her: Lilliana and Predathos. I'm not sure about her allegiance, and that's where Imogen, Percy, and Caleb are different. While what Imogen has said/done has been tame compared to what Percy and Caleb have said/done - I know that the line Imogen is toeing is one neither of the others had dared to cross. Percy would never have considered joining forces with the Briarwoods, Thordak, or the Whispered One. Caleb would never have dared to join sides with Avantika, Obann, or Trent. But Imogen might.
That is fascinating. And dangerous. The future isn't set in stone, and all I can do now is bite my tongue and wait for episode 50.
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mariaiscrafting · 3 years
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ahhhh ty ty ty <3
ok, so I think that what makes Dream act this way (iykyk) is how dreamwastaken became so big so quickly. and by quick I mean fucking lightning speed.
he didn't have enough time to learn enough about cc etiquette, especially in these three aspects: influence, boundaries and fanbase/stans/whatever you call it. I'll try to explain it:
• Influence: Does he know the influence he has? Like, when he hears that he is the myct with the largest fanbase, does he really process that? I remember he talked about not being able to control all of his fanbase and there's bad apples everywhere -- which is true, and that only like 1% of his fanbase breaks his boundaries (that include sending hate for him, harassing, doxing, etc. yk, basic twitter culture lol) but, honey, with your big ass fanbase, 1% is still a lot of people. As a content creator you *have* to be aware of that.
let's take the hbomb situation. First off, as a streamer, it's you that set the mood of the stream. Even if he was only messing around with his pals, even if they did say to do not send hate to hbomb, dt dunking on him created a toxic environment, which caused his fans being toxic towards hbomb and you know what happens next. Hell, when this happened, I was watching Tapl and he was watching them and he was crying laughing over them screaming bc they were just. so loud and so aggressive that it was kinda ??? Sirs, this is literally a Minecraft Stream lmaooo
my point is, that was not the road that dreamwastaken, 21M fans, should've taken. he don't condone his fans actions but he knows his fans are diehard and will always be on his side, he should be more careful before stating negative opinions, especially if its towards another person.
• Boundaries and Fanbase: He posted a list of his boundaries a while ago, idk if you know or seen it (btw please george copy your bestie for the love of god <3) but I'm not talking about those boundaries, I'm talking about the basic boundaries between cc and viewer. boundaries that, in my opinion, should exist between cc and viewer. I get that Dream is an open person, an oversharing type of open person if I may add, but I think he should take a step back regardless. When I heard that he was taking a time from twitter, I genuinely got so glad, not because he couldn't start any drama then, but because it would do so so good for his mental health. I'm not even that fond of him, it's just that for me, any cc taking a break or outright leaving twitter is a win for me. I know how RSD is hard to deal and honestly letting shit out it's better but dream you have dt you have bbh so please don't make things worse online 😭 I know how good can be to feel validation from millions of people but. it's not a good idea, especially in the state that his fanbase is on rn (this topic is kinda sensitive to talk abt for me bc people be outright ableist and hide it as criticism like. say that shit's not helping his reputation and whatever without acting like he's fucking. manipulating his fanbase for being affected by his rsd💀 or, on the other hand, don't say that hes just being adhd🤪 when he's just being an asshole like damn that's a Him thing bro lol)
(omg it's so big I'm so sorry and theres a part two I'm so sorry tumblr user messed-up-gal ToT) - morango 1/2
pt. 2:
Dream is the proof that the people who loves you can be your downfall. istg. Have you noticed that every drama that Dream enters, people usually get more mad abt how his fanbase reacts (85% they'll react in a bad way) than Dream himself? it's not always, but its definitely more likely. I'm not saying Dream is saint, he Is petty and his ego does him dirty and made him choke multiple times before,, But! i dont think hes a bad guy. he's literally just a dude. ok, he's a 21yr old white gamer man that has a trumpie past (maybe?? idk. I think hes cured now ig lol) so he's bound to do some shitty things but he still tries to get better and hopefully he'll mature. 21 is old enough but it's still so young, yk? I kind of lost my mind during the end and my eyes are literally begging to be closed so tl;dr: Its gonna be hard for him to become a better cc bc his fans don't let him be criticized (by infantilizing his adhd symptoms or the mob mentality as soon as someone says anything abt him), the honest criticism get lost between lies from antis that don't know shit, he still has a lot of growing up to do and overall he became famous too fast and he needs to learn things even faster bc as soon as there's not a single one dream hater on sight they'll turn their back and attack him instead lmao I hate twitter i definitely have more to say but I'm tired and my memory is shit. just-- hate dream if you want, love dream if you want, nobody is obligated to have an opinion but I wanted to express mine. have a lovely day! -morango 2/2
Aight, there's a lot to unpack here, so Imma try to only go into the points I have something to add to (here's what I talk about in each paragraph, if you want to jump to a specific point):
Speed of Dream's rise to fame
The "bad apples" in the Dream fanbase
Post-MCC HBomb stream
Not condoning versus actually condemning his fans
Manipulation & RSD
Criticism of Dream, his fanbase, and his brand
The “just a dude” argument, flipped
First, I agree that one of the many factors that has resulted in the current image Dream has set up for himself, the way his fanbase functions, the ways people hate on him, and the way the Dream brand functions, is the speed of his rise to fame. It's unique, and there are probably a hundred social/psychological angles that could be used to examine the exact effects of that speed upon all of these facets of the Dream Name; did rapid fame beget the rapid rise of unrighteous hatred, did those waves of hatred then instigate the rise of a surprisingly overdefensive fanbase, did that rapid fame get to his head and/or result in an inability to appropriately handle all the after-effects of rapid fame, etc.? That point you bring up, about how the speed of his rise to fame requires him to learn even more quickly, is so interesting to me. I think that maybe Dream expected to get pretty famous pretty quickly, hence the preparedness in regards to some mechanics of influencer fame- merchandise, business-building, networking, knowing how to manage his fanbase to best benefit him. But I don't think he expected to get this famous this quickly. This is all speculation of course, as are this entire post and your ask, but I think that he just couldn't anticipate having to learn how to handle enmasse controversy, waves of antis, or every Youtuber speculating/knowing about him; and yeah, that results in him having to learn all of these things very quickly, lest he allow his whole brand and fandom to fall apart.
Second, I disagree with the frequent argument that Dream's fanbase is only marginally toxic. Personally, I think that the circumstances of Dream's fame, his personality and management of his fanbase, and his brand of content have resulted in the very specific kind of stan that Dream stans are. I don't think this is simply a case of "all fandoms have a small percentage of assholes who take it too far;" rather, the nature of the community itself breeds the kind of mentality of "an asshole who takes it too far." I only even know this because I was a Dream fan (kinda a stan, I'm ngl). At one time, I watched every single Dreamwastaken & Dream Team video multiple times; I listened to the Manhunts on repeat, as though they were podcasts; I followed mostly smiletwt and dttwt accounts on mcyttwt; I had upwards of 10 tabs for AO3 DNF fics open on my phone at a time; I watched DNF and Dream Team Being A Family-esque compilations on repeat; I watched every George and Sapnap alt stream I possibly could; I went out of my way to defend Dream against Redditors and Twitter antis regarding the cheating scandal. For the latter half of 2020, and a couple months of 2021, I lived and breathed this part of the fandom; so when I say that Dream stans are a whole other breed than any other kind of mcyttwt stan, I say that because I used to be like that, too. I usually use parasocial very loosely or ironically, but Dream stans are genuinely one of the most parasocial fanbases I have ever seen or been a part of. The level of investment Dream stans have in this man's life, the lengths they will go to to defend him, the amount of psychonalysis and digging they do on his life and character, the amount of emotion he can evoke in them- it's taken to another level, man. This isn't just characteristic of a fraction of his fanbase; this is what the fanbase is like as a whole.
Third, I partially disagree with your take on the HBomb thing, but not in the way one might think? I actually empathize with the way they reacted much more than I thought I would, simply because I suspect I have RSD (also suspect I have ADHD, have for several months now) and I can see myself getting insanely frustrated because of something like that. Like yeah, it was "just a MC stream" or "just an MC game," but that's kinda disregarding the fact that something that might seem like "just a [insert inconsequential thing]" to a rational mind might have a major emotional consequence/take a major emotional toll on someone with RSD, or really anyone who gets easily impatient/angry about video games (Sapnap reminds me of many of my friends, in that way). The issues I, personally, had with the way they handled the HBomb situation is that these are simply explanations and reasons for my empathy; they are not excuses. I have no excuse when I get irrationally angry about something inconsequential in my own life, for a couple of reasons. One, because I am an adult and I need to learn how to handle my reactions and manage my own anger. Two, because as someone with many mental problems, it is my responsibility to learn coping mechanisms to ensure my own emotional stability and livelihood; this includes learning whatever I need to handle RSD- whether that be isolating myself from others when I know I will become violently/passionately angry about something, creating and sustaining a support system that can get me through bouts of extreme emotion, finding healthy emotional outlets for my negative emotions that won't harm myself or others, or a combination thereof. I don't think what they said about HBomb post-MCC was an irreversibly horrible thing, or anything. I think there were errors committed by two men who should be fully capable of foreseeing and preventing those errors, but I don't unconditionally hate Dream or Sapnap for the post-MCC stream or comments. I just wish they had made amends quickly, publicly, and sufficiently, because the greatest consequences from the whole thing weren't even from those two criticizing HBomb themselves; they were from the waves of backlash because of their immense influence on the MCYT fandom, which could've been prevented, if they had acted maturedly and responsibly after the stream.
Fourth, you’re right, that he doesn’t seem to condone his fans’ behavior. I detest the frequent anti argument that one of the reasons Dream should be criticized is because he explicitly uses his fanbase to attack others, or something of the sort. Personally, I think he created his fanbase in a very specific way and interacts with them in such a way so as to benefit him as much as possible, yes, but he never actually tells his fanbase to go and yell at or harrass anyone. Still, there is a significant difference between not condoning something and condemning something. It might seem unfair, and it might be annoying of me to say this, but I truly think that someone with this large a fanbase, especially one as overzealous as Dream’s, needs to be condemned every single time it goes on some kind of rampage/harrassment campaign. Either that, or Dream needs to make a definitive, permanent statement against any kind of harrassment of others on his behalf. I know he’ll occassionally make the odd tweet or serious stream addressing something his fanbase did, but one of the many reasons his fanbase keeps doing the same damn thing is because he’s so lukewarm and spotty about this condemnation. A fanbase like his needs to be given explicit guidance and boundaries for the numerous things they do in his defense- harrassing/doxing antis, harrassing people who criticize him who aren’t antis (respectful criticism, other CCs, other MCYT stans, etc.), harrassing the people he critcizes (i.e., HBomb), speculating about his personal life (his relationship with his gf, his mental health/ADHD, his romantic life, his childhood, etc.), and speculating about his relationships with his friends and colleagues.  My personal ideology is that, if you have significant influence over someone or a group of people, you are at least somewhat responsible for the things those people do or don’t do, if it at all relates back to you. I’m so fucking tired of the argument that CCs aren’t responsible for what their fans do. Obviously they aren’t responsible for every single one of their fans, and obviously they can’t fully control their fans at the end of the day. But I think there are certain things that reach such a level of extremity that does make those CCs responsible. This can be measured by either scale or intensity; that is to say, if a CC’s fanbase does things on an extremely large scale, or one person from/a fraction of the fanbase does something really extreme, then the CC is made all the more responsible. Another CC I’ve always had trouble discussing with other people on this subject is Pewdiepie, in particular, about the extremists in his fanbase. Because the things a small handful of his fans have done in reference to him and/or in his name were so fucking extreme, I thought Pewdiepie had to take at least some responsibilty. Along a similar vein, because the things Dream’s general fanbase does are so widespread and on such a massive scale, Dream has to take at least some responsibility.
Fifth, okay. Hmmm. I want to tackle this point you made about the ableism he faces in some criticism of him carefully and with empathy, but not coddling. One, I do think a lot of the criticism he receives for the ways he handles criticism (post-cheating Tweets, reactions to John Swan, post-MCC HBomb stream, etc.), disregard his RSD and can be oftentimes ableist. I’ve actually encountered people irl who criticize this aspect of Dream’s character, and have had to explain to them their disregard for how ADHD/RSD affect neurodivergent people’s reactions to criticism. But - and this is a big, and very controversial but - I think mentally ill/disordered people can 100% leverage their mental illness/disorders for the sake of manipulation. This is actually something I’ve learned from a psychiatrist, regarding the ways people I know and I handle our anxiety and depression. This manipulation can be unwitting or intentional, but it is entirely possible, and the possibility shouldn’t be entirely dismissed as ableist. Living with a mental illness or disorder that others know about/that you are very public about puts you in an interesting position to receive frequent sympathy, empathy, and/or pity. I’m not saying that empathy for Dream having ADHD/RSD is entirely unjustified; on the contrary, I have frequently expressed how I can relate to his ADHD symptoms and have defended him for expressing those symptoms, both on mcytblr and in real life. I am saying that Dream fans tend to use his ADHD as a kind of shield for a lot of criticism levied against him, including the supposition that he could be manipulating his fanbase to defend him because of his public expressions of RSD. So yes, my theory is that Dream knows how to levy every aspect of his life for his personal gain and for the growth of his brand, and that includes his ADHD. I think he has courage for his openess about his ADHD, I think his openness has contributed to the rise in awareness of mental health and empathy for neurodivergent people within Gen Z, and I think at least some of his expressions of RSD publicly/online weren’t intentionally made public. All that being said, I also think he has to know just how much his fanbase cares about defending him for his ADHD, and I think he has to know that some of the things he does related to his neurodivergence endear him to his audience, in a coddling, baby-ing, mildly ableist sorta way.  Maybe this is all incredibly presumptuous of me. Of course, I can never know the real intentions behind any Dream video, Tweet, or stream. Maybe I’m just projecting, because I can see myself doing just this, if I had the maturity I had circa 2018-2019. Idfk know, man.
Sixth, I actually agree with you here, people probably do get more mad at his fanbase than him. Dream puts out content pretty seldomly, considering the frequency of content output for other Youtubers/streamers in his field/at his brand size. And yet, he has received masses of criticism. Considering that the things Dream himself does/says do not entirely correlate with the amount of criticism he receives, I think it’s a logical assumption that a lot of that criticism actually goes back to the size of his presence online, rather than the man himself. That is to say, because of the massive community he’s amassed, the exponential growth of his fanbase, their presence on every single social media site and in virtually every single Internet space/fandom, and the size of his metaphysical presence in his fields, Dream is much bigger than the man himself, so the criticism he receives will, at least in part, be a direct or indirect result of all these other aspects of the Dream brand.  Something I don’t think many Dream fans/stans, or even most MCYT fans in general, understand, is that Dream isn’t just “one guy” in the eyes of the Internet- at least, not anymore. He hasn’t been for nearly a year. Like Pewdiepie, Mr. Beast, and other CCs who have amassed similar levels of fame and wealth via Internet content creation, Dream is a brand now, and most people will treat him as such. He isn’t just some uwu soft boy playing Minecraft anymore. He is on a whole other level from any other MCYT in his friend circle or colleague interaction bubble. His words will never again live in a vaccum or private bubble, his friend circle will never again be under anything less than intense scrutiny, his past actions will never again be simple mistakes or silly errors, his words will never again be casual tweets or streams for laughs among a couple thousand followers. Dream’s name represents something much bigger than just the one man. As such, all aspects of his brand, including his fanbase, will tie back to him and, ultimately, to any general criticism of him.
I’m not saying I like any of this, and I actually think the evolution of influencers from people to a marketable brand with similar mechanisms, responsibilities, and liabilities as a corporation is some kind of late capitalism nightmare fuel; I’m just stating my own observations and theories as to why so much anti-Dream criticism seems to be directed at his fanbase, rather than him.
Seventh, he’s just a guy, you’re right, but I think a lot of the antis on Tumblr understand this more than you know. As I’ve seen it, the sentiment among much of the “DSMP stans DNI” crowd seems to be that of “Dream/other MCYTs are such ‘bad’ people, so why do their fans stick to these mediocre, racist men, when there are so many better people to watch/better content to consume?” We know this argument is flawed for many of the obvious reasons - the conflation of all MCYTs’ actions regardless of individual identity, the equating of a CC’s fanbase’s morality to that of the CC they enjoy watching, the exxageration of any error MCYT CCs have committed as bigotry/racism, the fundamental misunderstanding and misinformation that led antis to believe this exxageration of the facts, etc. But I want to focus on the general, underlying sentiment of, “why not watch someone better, when your creator is problematic?” Sometimes, I ask this of Dream stans. Yes, being mildly ignorant, getting involved in the scandals Dream has, and being a right-leaning/libertarian centrist in the recent past all seem like harmless things, all things considered. One could say Dream isn’t nearly as bad as many antis who are misinformed seem to believe, and that there are much worse CCs Dream stans could be watching and creating fan content for. But I think what Tumblr antis wonder is, aren’t there also much better MCYTs/CCs people could be watching and stanning? Because he’s just some guy, right? Is his content truly so exceptional or is he really so exceptional a person, that people have to stick by him, despite the things that spike up regarding his current or past actions? I think that’s what made me finally decide to stop watching Dream. I realized he was just Some Guy. The Dream Team was a comforting dynamic to indulge in, DNF was a cute ship to read and speculate about, and Manhunts were fun videos to watch; however, once the Reddit posts came out and I read them in-depth, the cost-benefit analysis tipped over to the “not worth it” side for me. I realized Dream’s content, while fun and comforting, was not entirely unique, and wasn’t worth sticking around for, given what I then knew about his past political leanings. If he is just Some Guy, then there are a hundred more like him out there. There a hundred more ships, a hundred more found family dynamics, a hundred more entertaining and skilled Minecraft players. So while I agree with you on the point of people being allowed to love him regardless because he is just a guy, at the end of the day, I think that, if we are to believe that sentiment or use that argument in such a manner, we should also understand the flip side- that, if he is just some guy, why is it worth sticking around? To that I say, maybe because people just enjoy the simple things they enjoy.
Anyways, I wholly agree with your tl;dr. Thanks for that insanely long ask, this was a fun thing to keep me occupied while I’ve been at work, facilitating Zoom sessions this whole morning.
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rethesun · 3 years
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Harry Styles does not queer bait
If you hate long posts and don’t want to read click this for the shortest and only version you'll ever need.  
https://i-d.vice.com/en_uk/article/wx57ex/harry-styles-queerbaiting
I'm glad I've been on the right side of things the entire time. I never accused Harry Styles of queer baiting ever, and I often defend him in the same way I would any individual. I partially disagree with the article because they say only fantasy/art can queer bait. Maybe I misunderstood them, but I don't see it that way alone. Do you know who queer baits? Large corporations that go all out for pride month & films that have obnoxiously stereotyped queer characters. We need to retire the idea of individuals queer baiting unless they have 100% said they are hetero. If you don't know for sure, then you can't claim queer baiting because then you're assuming that someone has to come forth as straight in some way and that straight/cis is the default. Queer people are under no obligation to announce themselves.
More: In Harry's last Guardian interview, he repeats his sentiment that his personal identity is not something he is currently putting up for discussion in the press. He questions the press' desire to know about pop stars' sexuality: 
Interviewer: You mean, why ask the question? 
Harry: Yeah, I think I do mean that. It's not like I'm sitting on an answer, and protecting it, and holding it back. It's not a case of: I'm not telling you cos I don't want to tell you. It's not: ooh this is mine and it's not yours. 
I do not speak for everyone in the LGBTQ+ community: The above extract from the guardian interview is why I'm not pressuring myself to label my sexuality for now/maybe forever or decide to come out as unlabeled. Whether with any intention or not, Harry has softened barriers for some things to feel less taboo/daunting. Most of us do not want to subject ourselves to different treatment, especially if it's negative. Not all of us have the privilege to do so either. 
I agree, it is not justifiable, and he's right to question them. Being open to everyone isn't easy. Now imagine yourself no less human than right now, but add millions of eyes on you. It's insensitive to assume about someone when they could be doing their best/what is comfortable—please let's stop invalidating what we don't understand.
Even More: When you are straight/cis, you have it simple. You don’t have any pressure or fear and nor do you have to conform or ask yourself if you need to come out. If you do want to share for any reason, you just say you're straight/cis because there is no backlash and everyone moves on. Harry has never said such a thing. Straight people flaunt their sexuality everywhere every day and then said straight people dare to question and complain about queer people's self-expression. Queer people do not demand or feel entitled to personal information about straight/cis people. Note: Heteronormativity is not the default; it's just the conditioned and performative norm. Harry has always indicated queerness and exploration of that. Gender is fluid, and so is sexuality, but many people are not ready for that either. To explore is 100% valid, and anyone who says no to that is trying to control something very personal. After all these years of being a fan, if you are still confused, maybe you weren't paying attention to H, or perhaps we are meant to be confused, or perhaps we all see what we want to see, and maybe I am wrong. Whatever it is, it doesn't matter because it's no one's business. Remember that last line. I'll come back to it. 
I would never want to be one of the people who pressure someone to conform or share their personal journey in the way I see fit. I would never be angry until someone made things official as if things need to be official for something and someone to be valid. Note again: They don't. To go from annoyance and harsh judgment to suddenly sweet praises such as, 'I'm so proud of so and so' that makes my heart sink and my stomach turn.
Further: On the whole, people should not have to feel pressure to share their sexuality/gender or whole life story (btw not to say we don't care, we are more than open to listening and care about it) for "fans" to have empathy for them in the first place. Then here they are sharing some things and getting invalidated by people again. Sigh, not everyone is meant to like or understand you and that’s okay, but there is no need to be disrespectful. I digress. Recap: Sexuality and gender is a personal thing no one else can have power over. For those that expect a definitive statement from queer people, here's a news flash, sometimes people change their minds before and after sharing such personal things. If someone's sexuality, gender identity, or choice to be open and transparent about it is vital to your judgment of them and whether you will stick around, I'm sorry, but that is conditional, and therefore you prefer the idea of someone. Further, people are allowed to not share until they are ready or never share at all. Anyone who doesnt relinquish the fantasy that they have a say or don’t show grace and instead act entitled for others in this simple sense worries me more than a little bit. 
Final thoughts: What Harry does do is remain vague and leave things up for interpretation. Not only does that keep prejudice or conservative/religious fans from removing their loyalty cards, his image remaining malleable. Allowing Harry to make changes as he sees fit and feels like doing without adding pressure or explaining himself to anyone who doesn't have access to his privacy. That is valid. If that is queer baiting to you, you are missing the point entirely, and you don't know the definition of queer baiting. However, it’s understandable and valid if people get confused and/or feel some ways. I resonate with this entirely.
Now, what kind of person would want to be vague for the sake of prejudiced friends? In my mind, vagueness won't make real friends. However, fans ≠ friends, that is the catch. To make it far in this business as someone big and serious, sometimes you have to appeal to a broader demographic, so vagueness is advised as necessary. Hypothetically, if you were in that position as an artist, you could go the Zayn route by telling people off (mad respect) or going the standard way by being inclined to vagueness, which sometimes turns into a slow transition to transparency as the artist feels more carefree/gains more respect over the years. (understandable)
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kingreywrites · 3 years
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your opinion on moongene?
Your opinion on _____?
Sorry I got really rambly but I have like. A lot of contradicting thoughts about this ghdjkdjd
My favourite character getting to have fun magical powers with a side of angst is obviously a concept that really drew me in at first gshjddj Truly, i was really interested in Eugene's link to the moonstone as in, this is the thing that is more or less responsible for a lot of what he went through in life? His abandonment directly stems from his family's obsession with protecting the stone, his mom probably died because of it too, and the idea of him getting stuck with it was genuinely a concept i couldn't get out of my mind for a while. I was also fascinated by the relationship the Dark Kingdom had with the moonstone, and the paradox between how they wanted it gone and how they couldn't actually destroy it so they started protecting it, and the idea of Eugene being in the middle of all that + knowing Rapunzel thought it was her destiny + knowing the black rocks had been destroying corona (his new home) and could still do that if he kept it + A WHOLE LOT OF OTHER ISSUES ON HIS SHOULDERS was just..... very fun to think about lmao I literally could not start s3 right away despite it being available because I just kept thinking about Destinies Collide and how I wanted it to influence Eugene's arc and its possibilities etc and I didn't want to go too fast because I wanted to form actual theories before seeing if anything would be confirmed (and well uh I shouldn't have worried about that gdhjdjd but basically a lot of my moongene thinking was done pre knowing what mooncass was gonna do exactly)
And that leads me to my problem with moongene as it exists in the fandom because... I Do Not Like moongene as in "Eugene does what Cass did in s3 with some tweaks", and I quickly discovered that a lot of the content and discussions about this AU were... that. There's a lot of fics i just had to close because they were not really about Eugene, in a way 😭 Starting with the reason why he would take it because I have yet to find a fic that could convince me Eugene could / would ever 1. betray Rapunzel, 2. make it a long-term betrayal and 3. refuse when she asks for the moonstone back directly. And since most of the moongene content starts with these three points, I fundamentally disagree with Eugene's characterisation most of the time gshjdkd
(I also have trouble with the idea of a selfless betrayal very quickly because the rhetoric "I have to hurt those I love to save them" gets annoying for me if it goes on too long gdhkdkd for all that Cassandra's motivations can be nebulous in s3, at least it's not stupid as in "I'm protecting Rapunzel by taking the moonstone away and there's absolutely no easier way to do that than to run off in the woods with a demon while she's miserable")
Basically what I'm trying to say is that I think a lot of the moongene content doesn't feel like it's about Eugene as much as it is about putting him in a dramatized mooncass arc and it's a shame imo. There's a lot of eugene specific questions I feel we're missing out on by simply trying to recreate Cass' arc with him!! And like, a very stupid one I rarely see raised but I feel would be interesting is how much Eugene would hate having blue hair asgjdjdg the fact that his ego and love for his own appearance is practically never questionned in a scenario where that same appearance is drastically changed is a big missed opportunity! I also do love emotional vulnerability and all but, you know, Eugene is the guy who made a room tour of the place he died, humor and practical thinking are big part of his character, and a lot of the moongene melodrama misses this part of him
And this is... only concerning my issues with how he's himself treated in a moongene au, but then there's. how the other characters are written around that too. And again it gets tricky for me because like, new dream as soulmates linked by Destiny™ is something that instantly loses my interest if it's given too much weight which is not questionned at all, Rapunzel being an eplored maiden waiting for him to come back can quickly feel wrong in the sense that i don't enjoy any fic where Eugene needlessly hurts her and she ~doesn't mind it~ because she loves him and he's sad, and as you put it in this post (which was really interesting btw!) Cassandra gets the very shortest end of the stick most of the time and Zhan Tiri is just uhh floating around being mean. Also if we're lucky Lance gets mentioned (when like, I think Lance being his best friend since childhood should be a good reason to make him and his reaction important in any moongene story)
I'm not particularly picky and I have read stuff I did not necessarily agree with but in general there are no developed moongene fic out there which ever became a favourite of mine which is crazy considering how much i loved this concept. I really think that as long as this AU mostly stays stuck in the "I want what Cass had" stage, I'll have trouble finding something that speaks to me because I personally don't ghdhfgd And though I get that fan content is not obligated to touch on every issue in the show, I think that erasing Cass, her issues, the fact that she wanted the stone too and still has Zhan Tiri in her corner takes away a lot of possible conflict that would be interesting to explore in a long fic. Idk, it just feels like a lot of the content is "restricted" by the canon moonstone arc, even when people say they write about this AU to break away from what went down in the show :/
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authenticcadence18 · 3 years
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ok so. I’m gonna talk about a certain non-canon PnF ship I dislike for a bit.
(and by a bit. I mean for far longer than I intended.) 
And. Ok. I’m just gonna preface this by saying:  I am not seeking to tear down the ship in question. If you ship it, if it makes you happy, I am not trying to step on your toes and make you feel bad at all!!! I’m sure there are plenty of great reasons to ship these two characters, I just don’t agree. And that’s fine! 
I simply want to talk through a certain scene in Phineas and Ferb that fans of this ship usually point to as a pivotal moment between the two, point out another scene between a DIFFERENT ship that is often overlooked, and compare the two. 
analysis/rant will be below the cut
(this post is about Ferb*lla, btw. in case you hadn’t guessed.)
Ok so. Recently I watched a video where someone talked about shipping Ferb and Isabella and why they did so. (I’ll also say I did NOT seek out a video about this specific ship, it just happened to be a brief topic of discussion in it. And I stopped watching the video after this.). I don’t want to say which video it was because I’m not trying to attack any given person here! But I wanted to give y’all context for why I’m writing this. 
Anyway. The infamous “hand-holding” scene from “When Worlds Collide” was used as the main evidence for this ship. The person in the video claimed that “Isabella instinctively grabbed Ferb’s hand” and that they looked at each other and “had a moment” and went on about how they shipped Ferb and Isabella because Phineas was just “so oblivious.” 
Now. I understand being frustrated with Phineas’s obliviousness. Been there, done that. And I understand how some would want Isabella to be paired romantically with someone who registers and reciprocates her feelings.
But this take on that scene is just, well, not right. (I suspect the maker of this video had not viewed said scene in quite some time and it was just a vague memory.) In this post, I’m going to go over what actually happens in that scene, compare it to a Phinabella scene with a similar vibe, and then just talk about Phineas’s treatment of Isabella in general and how their dynamic is so much more than “pining girl/oblivious to a fault boy.”
PART 1: “When Worlds Collide” 
(you can run! wait...wrong show) 
Ok so. In this episode, there is a scene towards the end where Isabella reaches out for Phineas’s hand but ends up grabbing Ferb’s instead. Ferb pats her hand and assures her that everything will be alright, and Isabella immediately pulls her hand back and curiously glances over at an aloof Phineas. 
In the video in question, the speaker claimed that Isabella “instinctively” reached out for Ferb. 
But that’s not what happened. 
Isabella deliberately reached out for Phineas’s hand. You can tell by the way the shot prior to the handholding bit is staged. 
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Phineas is clearly on Isabella’s left while Ferb is on her right. (From our perspective as audience members.)
In the very next shot, Isabella smiles and reaches out to the left, where Phineas should be
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In any world other than that of a cartoon, she’d have grabbed Phineas’s hand. But because of cartoon shenanigans, Ferb is inexplicably standing directly to her left in the next shot, so she grabs his hand instead.
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As SOON as Isabella realizes she’s holding Ferb’s hand and not Phineas’s, her smile disappears and she pulls her hand away before glancing over at Phineas, confused.
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CLEARLY this scene is just a gag. Isabella wants to hold Phineas’s hand, but whoops! she holds Ferb’s instead. Phineas being oblivious isn’t even a part of the joke, it’s just 100% the universe being against Isabella 🙃. And Isabella shows no romantic affection towards Ferb whatsoever in this scene.
Now, one could say Ferb’s reaction to Isabella holding his hand indicates at least a one-sided crush on his part. But I disagree. From Ferb’s perspective, Isabella grabbed his hand because she was worried, and he reassured her like any good friend would do before returning to his former position once Isabella pulled her hand away. He wasn’t offended by her pulling her hand away, and he didn’t make a lovestruck/disappointed face when she pulled away.
And Ferb also misread her gesture. Because Isabella wasn’t worried. She was awestruck, amazed, and wanted to share the moment with the boy she has feelings for. I suspect if she’d grabbed Phineas’s hand, he wouldn’t have misread her gesture.
(Well. Ok. He WOULD have misread it but in a different way. Isabella and Phineas hold hands a lot in the show, so it wouldn’t have been unusual to him. In his mind, Isabella’s his best friend and sometimes they hold hands! I suspect he might have glanced at her for a moment before returning his gaze to the sky, smile never faltering, because who better to share such a special moment with than his best friend?)
I also personally like to think of Ferb and Isabella as having a sibling-like relationship. Ferb teases her about her crush on Phineas AND acts as her wingman on multiple occasions, which are 100% things a sibling would do. And they genuinely are friends! I love their friendship. And so that’s how I characterize this scene, as Isabella being confused and Ferb just trying to be a good friend. It’s not romantic: it’s first and foremost a joke. And on a deeper level, it’s a moment of Ferb expressing platonic affection towards a close friend.
Part 2: “The Klimpaloon Ultimatum”
This episode came out a little less than two years after “When Worlds Collide,” when Phineas and Ferb was a bit on the decline in terms of popularity. Neither episode is a mainstream one, but this one is definitely the less well-known of the two. 
This is a shame. Because it’s a fantastic episode. AND because it contains one of my favorite Phinabella moments. 
Just to set up the scene: the kiddos have been captured and learn of Mittington Random’s nefarious deeds. He’s been conducting inhumane experiments and trying to create “living” swimwear with no success and plans to take Klimpaloon--the magical old timey bathing suit that lives in the Himalayas himself--apart to do so. Isabella expresses distress at his evildoings before they even come across Klimpaloon, and when they DO come across Klimpaloon and learn the extent of Random’s plan, Phineas is right there....
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and they REACH OUT FOR EACH OTHER. INSTINCTIVELY. LOOK AT THIS.
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They don’t even have to LOOK at one another. Phineas can just SENSE Isabella’s distress, and Isabella reaches out for him to comfort her without even thinking about it and he DOES.
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I mean!! LOOK AT THEM. This is Isabella realizing what’s happened! She didn’t reach out for Phineas intentionally, it just happened!! They were totally in sync!
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and LOOK HOW CONTENT SHE IS NOW. even amidst the horror of the villain’s plan, just being close to Phineas comforts her. Or at least momentarily cheers her up. (And ok I know this moment is also primarily a gag but IT’S IN ISABELLA’S FAVOR THIS TIME. Instead of leaving her confused and without Phineas, it leaves her with a dreamy grin on her face and in his arms. Bless Season 4.)
And AND. The next shot is of Random speaking for a few seconds, and then we get a shot of all the characters...
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AND ISABELLA AND PHINEAS ARE STILL HOLDING ONE ANOTHER. Although it looks like they’ve gone from hugging  to just holding hands, which means even if they didn’t want to keep hugging they DID WANT TO KEEP HOLDING ONE ANOTHER I JUST AHHHH. 
So. Let’s review. 
In the first scene, Isabella accidentally holds Ferb’s hand. She doesn’t need to be comforted, she just wants to share a moment with Phineas and is confused when she realizes she isn’t holding his hand. Ferb comforts her because he’s being a good friend and thinks she is concerned. He misreads her needs. So like, he means well, he’s her friend! But it’s not romantic. And they hardly hold hands at all. (And, come on, this scene is mostly meant to be a gag.) 
In the second scene, Isabella is definitely distressed, and without a word (or even having to make eye contact), she and Phineas reach out to hold one another without thinking about it. Somehow, Phineas knows Isabella needs to be comforted and Isabella knows Phineas will be there for her. And they STAY HOLDING HANDS into the next shot. 
Isabella does not instinctively reach out for Ferb’s hand in the first clip. 
Isabella and Phineas instinctively reach out for one another in the second.
Need I say more? 
Part 3: In Defense of Phineas and the Phinabella Dynamic
So. Yes. Phineas is oblivious to Isabella’s romantic feelings for him. Painfully, painfully oblivious to them. (And he’s painfully oblivious to his own feelings for her because COME ON. “Night of the Living Pharmacists” alone proves he almost certainly had feelings for her when they were kids, he just had no idea.)
But. He can’t be blamed for this. He is a CHILD, for goodness sake. When I was younger his obliviousness definitely got on my nerves, but like....he IS just a kid. He was never obligated to return Isabella’s feelings (...that should sound familiar to some of y’all). Phineas just wasn’t thinking about romance relating to himself when he was younger. He was oblivious to it, and that’s okay.
And you know what he’s not oblivious to in the show proper? How much he cares for Isabella as his friend. 
Phineas LOVES being Isabella’s friend. Like. She’s his best friend. (Vincent Martella himself said so!!) 
He goes out of his way to help her earn patches and overcome other problems (like an incurable case of the hiccups!). 
He consistently compliments her athleticism and skills and cuteness (in his own unique way, of course😂). 
Although he expresses distress when Baljeet expects him to go a day without inventing in “Bully Bromance Breakup,” he is more than happy to spend the day alone with Isabella and suggests having a regular ol’ picnic when she mentions being hungry in “It’s No Picnic.” AND he is excited to take that picnic and make it even better for Isabella once Ferb returns (because Phineas probably thinks Isabella would rather have a big picnic as opposed to a small one! He’s doing that for himself but also for her!).
He partners up with her for inventions over Ferb sometimes and is willing to put big ideas for the day on hold if she can’t participate. 
He planned surprise after surprise for her birthday (and presumably for her birthdays before that!) and felt the need to “make it up to her” when the final surprise didn’t go as planned.  
He was DEVASTATED when separated from her in “Night of the Living Pharmacists” and claimed he’d “never forgive himself” if she was infected, and once being reunited with her, he didn’t leave her side and held her hand and made sure she was alright. And he SACRIFICED HIMSELF FOR HER IN THE END. Like. At that point Phineas could’ve let Isabella get infected and stopped the invasion himself. BUT HE DIDN’T. HE SACRIFICED HIMSELF FOR HER. He both cared enough to give himself up and TRUSTED her to save him. LIKE. LIKE. 
Come on. Maybe Phineas doesn’t know Isabella has a crush on him in the show proper. But GOSH. He cares so, so, SO much about her. 
To claim Ferb is a better match for Isabella simply because he’s more aware of romance in general is just a disservice to the close friendship she and Phineas share. 
Did Isabella deserve better during the show? I mean. Yeah. (I wrote a whole fic because of that, lol.) But it isn’t really Phineas’s fault that he never found out about her feelings. So many times, Isabella’s plans to confess or spend time with Phineas were ruined by circumstances totally out of her control (aka: the b-plot’s inator of the day. aka: the writers maintaining the status quo.) If it weren’t for Doofenshmirtz, Isabella would’ve confessed to him in the main summer the show takes place in. 
And you’ll notice! Even in episodes where Isabella is frustrated with Phineas’s obliviousness, their friendship remains in tact. Isabella is TICKED at Phineas during the “do I know romance or what?” scene in “That Sinking Feeling.” But then in the next scene they’re both in, Isabella is at Phineas’s side and smiling! His obliviousness hurts her sometimes, but it doesn’t outweigh the friendship and sweet moments they share. It doesn’t define their dynamic.
Phineas is oblivious. But he still loves Isabella in his own unique way. And Isabella loves him and loves being his friend even though he’s oblivious. 
(And also FERB SHIPS PHINABELLA. He steps away to let them spend time together, he sends them off to get ice cream together at the end of “Happy Birthday Isabella”. He 100% supports Isabella and Phineas and wants them to be together. And there’s no jealousy there either! He’s just supportive and awesome and I LOVE FERB OKAY.) 
So. In Conclusion.
If you ship Ferb and Isabella. That’s great! I do not want to step on your toes, and I’m sure you’ve got your own reasons for doing so. I know firsthand just how wonderful a favorite ship can make one feel, so I’d never want to take that from anyone. 
But just. Please. PLEAAASE. Please don’t belittle Phineas in shipping them. And don’t disregard the moments he and Isabella share. 
Phineas cares for Isabella. So very much. In his own unique, wonderful way. And there is so much more to meaningful relationships than romance. 
Thank you. 
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aight so I have a lot of (mostly non-positive) thoughts on the new episodes of Doctor Who so lemme rant for a bit because I’ve been wanting to do this for ages.
(if you enjoyed the new episodes and liked the storyline/execution/whatever or you just don’t want to get into The Discourse TM, I wouldn’t recommend reading this post, but do what you want):
This rant is mostly for myself to rant a bit, but also to see if anyone else feels the same way, which, is kind of the point of Tumblr anyway but akshjajsa 
this isn’t an attack on Jodie as the Doctor or a “Chibnall ruined Doctor Who!!!!1″ type of post, but a measured critique on the aspects of the premiere of Series 12 that I really didn’t like.
This is only discourse on Spyfall Part 1 and Part 2, as I haven’t watched Orphan 55 yet.
Here we go.
First things first, the things I actually did like:
I actually only watched a few episodes of Series 11, so I’d just like to note I love Team TARDIS with my whole ass heart ahsjahsja they are great companions and have a great dynamic
I liked the concept of the mission they had to deal with it, even if I didn’t like the execution
Sasha Dhawan was EXCELLENT in this. The way his demeanor changes completely when he stops pretending to be O, his portrayal of the Master, everything about him here was great
The plot twist scene was great. The Doctor’s reaction, the Master’s child-like attitude and excitement, Team Tardis being confused af, it was really good from start to finish and Jodie and Sasha’s acting truly made it click. 
Jodie was also really excellent here btw. The way she portrayed the Doctor’s feeling of being frozen during the reveal scene perfectly, her finally getting to show off the Doctor’s darkness, her dynamics with the Master, her seeing Gallifrey in shambles, etc. She killed it
Ada Lovelace and Noor Inayat Khan were GREAT additions and I kinda wish they were full-time companions lmao. Also I ship Thirteen and Ada a lot tbh
The whole scene with the back-and-forth between the Doctor’s message and Graham and Graham landing the plane was hilarious. Graham used to be my least favorite new companion but I think he’s one of my faves now
Part 2 was overall much more fun than Part 1, and the characters were more entertaining as well
I mentioned this before when talking about Jodie’s acting, but seeing Thirteen finally go dark is great. I’m excited to see where this is heading towards, and from what I’ve seen, it’s gonna cause Team TARDIS some conflict, which was kind of overdue. I just really hope Chibnall can lower his ego and allow other writers to execute these concepts in ways he can’t throughout the series
I was also left genuinely intrigued by the whole Timeless Child thing and am looking forward to that so. Yeah.
Now, what I didn’t like:
First of all, it’s written by Chibnall himself and he’s the only writer. ‘Nuff said
The episode seems to take a bit too long to introduce the characters once more and show their daily lives before we get to the point or even first see the Doctor. Maybe that’s just me but idk
Like I mentioned, I like the potential of this mission. A CSI-esque episode but make it sci-fi/Doctor Who. My problem lies with the execution. It wasn’t a fun storyline, and after the Master reveal, it just feels like it’s sidelined and simply there as “oh look Doctor, you looked away and the Master started using ANOTHER alien race to get your attention AGAIN”. It didn’t feel fun either, since there was just. So much info-dumping and not enough answers. The problem isn’t that it was unoriginal, it’s that it was uninspired and boring
Not to mention the Kasaavin ended up being sidelined so much that everyone was just ??? kind of confused about them. Also I’ve seen some people say they are literally just the Cybermen 2.0 and I kind of agree
I got the vibe that “O” and Yaz were flirting and just. Ew. I do not fuck with that
Part 1 in general just felt completely boring and the storyline was so generic you could replace the conflict with literally anything else and keep the twist and it wouldn’t change a thing lol
Also, as happy as I am that we have a POC incarnation of the Master, I’m...conflicted. I am going to miss Missy a whole lot, and the Master going back to being a man is...kind of boring, but that’s not my issue. I understand that, after what happened with her, Missy might’ve given up on redemption and decided to go back to her old Master-y ways, specially with the whole Timeless Child thing, that was so traumatizing the Master felt obligated to destroy Gallifrey, BUT it feels like it just inutilizes Missy’s entire character arc during Capaldi’s run and introduces a new plot element just to make the Master go back to their old villanous ways. It’s sorta cheap
Speaking of cheap plot elements just introduced to retconn things Moffat did, we’ll get back to Gallifrey later
The scene with the Master telling the Doctor to kneel made me uncomfortable. Having Thirteen be the first female Doctor (and arguably the gayest Doctor at that) and then have the Master, her antagonist, be a man...meh. But then have him tell her to kneel and to essentially humiliate her by telling her to call him “Master”, that had my stomach a bit uneasy. Like, yeah, Simm!Doctor did much worse to Tenth, but the implications are much, much, different in this context. Idk, I personally was left uncomfortable by that scene
The Doctor turning the Master over to the N*zi officers was so, so fcking shitty like. I’m not mad at the Doctor, I’m mad at Chibnall for putting that in the fcking script. WHY DID HE THINK THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA?????
The Doctor wiping Ada and Noor’s memories just felt so...unnecesary. Like, the Doctor has interacted with historical figures in the past and kept their memories intact (Agatha Christie comes to mind as an exception, though that was accidental). And besides, what for? Ada and Noor having memory of what happened interfered with nothing (I might be wrong on this as I kind of erased anything the Doctor said in that scene from my mind involuntarily lmfao but even so, I can’t come up with any good excuses that could be used there anyways, but if I am missing something notify me in the notes) and they don’t seem like the type to tattle about it or smth
Ah, and now we get to Gallifrey, or what I like to call, both the best and the worst example of what a retconn is. Listen, it doesn’t matter whether you liked Moffat and/or his decision to bring back Gallifrey, but you have to agree this is ridiculous. Chibnall didn’t want to have to deal with what Moffat left him with (a restored Gallifrey and the implications of that) so he had The Master just destroy Gallifrey by himself and discarded it like a chess piece, like. Am I the only one legit dumbfounded by this???? First of all, it took the Daleks an entire war to attempt to destroy Gallifrey, and they actually failed in the end, and yet the Master destroys it by himself, no stress. I legit don’t get it. Listen, I have mixed thoughts on Moffat’s decision to do so and I hate Hell Bent as much as the next person, but this is Chibnall discarding yet ANOTHER arc. That’s two arcs in one premiere. Wow. It legit sealed the deal for me that this premiere was a hot mess.
That’s it (that’s it, she says, after writing a whole essay). Again, this is not an attack on Chibnall’s Doctor Who, Jodie as the Doctor or me telling you how to feel about this episode. My opinion seems like an unpopular one from what I’ve seen but I stand by it lol. 
As a closing statement, fingers crossed that Chibnall lets other people write too this series lmfao.
(This is my first indepth critique of anything here so, hum, if you disagree, please be kind akhjahsjahs I doubt this will get much notes anyways but)
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c
Below are screenshots of a long PM exchange between myself and an individual the name of RDMacQ.
It continues on from a very long series of exchanges beginning here and continuing here.
It starts off with interactions on a message board before spewing over into PM discussions.
Also below is well...what I would’ve responded to some of RDMacQ’s comments but chose not to so as to hopefully not drag the interaction out yet longer.
I post these so there partially out of catharsis but also so that there is a clear record of what happened and you need not merely trust my word on the discussion, his word, and indeed can cite it if I do make erroneous claims in reference to it. We can then look at it and discuss.
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“And this once again highlights your problem- you don't listen, you don't acknowledge what people say, you construct a narrative in your head about them and insist that they follow the imaginary and arbitrary rules you come up with, and you think are are one set of rules for you and one set of rules for everyone else.”
That’s rich coming from you. I apologized multiple times, you didn’t acknowledge this and instead either deliberately or because you are just that stupid decided to take it that I didn’t apologize and instead said it was actually your fault.
And you demanded I not interact with you in your last PM so who’s making up the rules in their head again?
I misinterpreted but you make it out that I’m schizophrenic.
“I told you to stop responding to me via personal email messages, because you weren't listening to me and responding to me with essay after essay trying to tell me how I'M really the bad guy in all of this and you're totally not to blame. You clearly weren't interested in acknowledging any fault beyond the stuff the mods got on your case for, so I told you to stop responding to me.”
a)      I also told you afterwards to stop interacting with me and you didn’t
b)      I wasn’t going to stop interacting with you after you told me to stop because you’d lied and slandered. Why on Earth should I allow you to lie and insult me?
c)       It’s rather rich arguing I responded to you with essay after essay when on multiple occasions you yourself responded with essay length posts. Including this one I am responding to now.
d)      You talk about narratives in MY head. YOU are the one claiming I was saying you were the bad guy. I wasn’t. I never ever said that. That’s all inside your own head.
e)      I also never said I wasn’t to blame, hence I apologized waaaaaaaaaay back in a PM literally entitled apology
f)       Putting aside how I owned up to a mistake in the first PM of this exchange, the stuff I was at fault for was the things the mods got on my case for. Which I owned up to. All the other stuff YOU claim I am at fault for is only YOUR assessment. And we’ve established you aren’t that great at seeing the plain and the obvious. Hence you utterly misread that I was apologizing and wasn’t saying I was faultless and you were to blame for everything. I stated  I was at fault and out of line in a big way then outlined where my anger regarding you comes from and elaborated that essentially there had been fault on both our sides, not fault only on yours
“YOU were the one who said I'd never hear from you again. ”
And I kept to that.
You however responded to a comment I didn’t address to you or indeed anyone specifically, which was an innocent question.
Then I responded to you by accident as I’d misread something you wrote as something Lockdown wrote, which I explained and apologized for.
That was a mistake but by that point you’d already interacted with me, you’d already broke what I’d taken to be an agreement of non-interaction.
My consequent interactions with you were to address this as I’d thought we had an agreement but 2 days in a row you’d talked directly to me.
 “And- again- given your track record and how I have absolutely zero trust in you anymore, I'd no reason to believe that you'd stick by that word.”
You know...except for the fact I did.
 “So when you made that post bitching about the multiple threads, it seemed like there was a very good chance that was a veiled shot at me, given how you've operated in the past, digging up old posts or just deciding you're going to be pissed off at something for no good reason. ”
I wasn’t bitching, it was an innocent question. I didn’t swear (which you accuse me of and just did btw). I wasn’t insulting anyone. I was just asking a question.
 My God you talk about a narrative in my head but you are the one seeing an innocent question not directed at you or anyone else as a ‘veiled shot’ at you.
 Also I already explained my ‘past operations’ were due to extreme extenuating circumstances. You are talking like I’ve been doing this for years on end when I haven’t. You are again demonizing and slandering me.
 “And since I was the one who started these threads and keep them going, that it was probably going to lead to another instance of you sending me a private message telling me what an asshole I am or how wrong I am because I have a different point of view than you do, or have somehow done something to "Offend" you, and you decided that somehow THIS time it would have been "Different" and therefore "Justified" to do this in your mind. ”
 This is some conspiracy level stuff. I asked a question. You take this as a veiled shot that going to lead to me attacking you in PMS.
 I never even called you an asshole in any PMs to my recollection and if I did I apologize for that but I honestly don’t remember ever saying anything like that. Saying you were wrong sure, but never personally insulting you the way calling you an asshole would constitute.
 I don’t even know what you are talking about with ‘different’ and ‘justified’. You just sound crazy.
 “So, yeah, I responded. Because I was trying to get out ahead of it and prevent you from going on a tirade which would then lead to another round of harassment from you. ”
 You are acting like every single time ever I’ve disagreed with you or stood my ground in opposition to your view I’ve harassed you.
 I crossed the line in a big way by digging up one thread and sending you like 3 PMs across a year attacking your points. That was wrong I’ll admit, but you are acting like EVERy instance ever has resulted in something like that and it hasn’t.
 It’s especially nuts in this instance because I just asked a question.
 “And if you don't think that's fair, and if I'm being too harsh on you, keep in mind the reason I decided to be done with you is because you decided to dig up posts from months if not years back and started sending me private messages telling me what an idiot I am, as well as try to insult me in public on the forum, because you claim you had some issues in your personal life and you decided I was going to be the target of your ire. ”
 You are indeed being way too harsh (and utterly unsympathetic); friendly reminder by the way I expressed sympathy for your own issues in our last long PM exchange. You are also being...crazy. I asked. A. Question. That was it. I didn’t criticise. I just asked why we do it one way instead of another. I didn’t respond to your answer. It made sense, it addressed my enquiry. That was it.
 Also none of the things I dug up were from years in the past.
 The only times I ever ‘insulted’ you on the forums were by calling you belligerent; no mod has ever called me on this so you know....either they agree or it’s not an insult in their eyes.
 Not only is this entirely true (remember I’ve explained I wasn’t saying i was guiltless you were actually at fault, you just keep insisting that to be the case), but you yourself have insulted, accused and judged me publicly on the forums. I’ve not been the only person you’ve done that to either.
 Yeah I decided you were the target but I explained and apologized for that in my very first PM in this saga of ours.
  “Which was the absolute last straw in an LONG line of instances of you acting like an asshole to me, which you continued to refuse to even consider. ”
 I don’t refuse to consider it, hence I apologized at the very start which you ignorantly keep ignoring. Notice I’ve not called you an asshole once whilst you’ve done it multiple times across all these PMs.
 “So, yes, I responded to you. Because- and this needs to be pointed out again- people aren't obliged to live by the imaginary, arbitrary rules you set up in your head and insist that they all stick to, while you get to do whatever you want.”
 Uh huh, by the way totally unrelated question, do you own a mirror? Cos I seem to recall among your own imaginary rules you stated i was in the wrong for admitting i was wrong about something because it took too long for me to do so. Didn’t know there was a time limit.
 “I never said I was never going to respond to you ever again. YOU made that claim. Not me. ”
Yes but I took the whole wrap up to that as we were both agreeing to not interact with one another.
 I kept to that. You broke it. then i broke it by mistake and broke it again out of reflex and anger, which i owned up to.
 But right here right now YOU are acting not just as moral arbiter but as ultimate rule setter.
 I can’t interact with you but you can interact with me.
 I might’ve misinterpreted but my interpretation at least included a mutual understanding. You are just dictating i can’t talk to you but you can talk to me.
Unfortunately I lost the screen shot of my next PM. But it essentially read that I didn’t read his above comment (which is true at first I didn’t my above response is merely something I wrote a while after the fact for catharis) and that I’m spelling out clearly if he’ll agree to just not interacting in the future.
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A reminder. This is the guy who takes major umbridge with me swearing. Here he is swearing and insulting me. 
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I didn’t say this to him but i have to ask why exactly he gets to dictate the terms of what meeting him half way means when what it seems to mean is I admit I’m wrong, that he’s right and change my allegedly bad ways the way he wants me to. 
Doesn’t seem half way since he’s not owned up to doing anything wrong himself.
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“And that's the problem.
 Because you seem to expect me to do whatever you request, and if I don't I'm being unreasonable.”
 Never said this. Never implied this. What’s unreasonable is either not reading my responses to you or then taking umbridge when I do the same in turn. Or you know taking an innocent question as bitching and a veiled shot.  
 “But you absolutely refuse to listen or do anything anyone else requests.”
 When it’s unreasonable and based upon slander and character assassination, sure.  
 “*I* have to read the massive two page essay you wrote telling me how wrong I am.”
Except you didn’t and if you had bothered to you’d see how I was conceding some points, apologizing over other things. But seeing how the root of your gripe rested upon you thinking I was saying you were at fault in the first place when I didn’t I was saying there was fault on both sides....yeah I think wrong covers it.
 “But *you* get to just completely ignore what I wrote because you don't want to read it.”
a)      You did the same thing
b)      You chose not to read stuff multiple times I did it once because it was distracting from the point and because you were continuing to insult, slander and character assassinate me
 “You saying "I don't know what you want" means nothing, because you wouldn't listen to me even if I told you.”
If it was unreasonable then sure.
Wholly conforming to what YOU dictate is not reasonable in the slightest  
 “Your attempts to "Smooth things over" is insincere.  You're not trying to do it to make things better.  You're just doing it to get out of trouble.”
I’m not IN any trouble in the first place. I rightly got a warning from the mods. End of story. I chose to try and smooth things over off my own volition.
 “So, fine.  Go back to the way you were before.”
I’ve been more polite and reasonable with you ever since this whole saga began. Much moreso than you have.
 “Getting angry at every single thing.”
Not true but that’s typical of you.
 “Insulting me whenever I expressed an opinion you disagree with.”
Our last half dozen interactions have involved me disagreeing with you but not insulting you. So again lying.
 “Send me private messages harassing me, and dig up months old conversations because you're pissed off at something else.”
Apologized for that. Did it just 3 times across a year. Owned up to that. haven’t done it since.
 And by the way ‘harassment’ in this context amounts to “Here is a quote you made. I’m going to deconstruct it and counterpoint it”
 I didn’t send you threats, or insults or bombard you day and night.
   “I'm sure that will go super well for you second time around.”
Well I haven’t done that soooooo you are chatting shit.
There.
Now I’ve sworn like you always claim I do.
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I responded to both of the above PMs but just said ‘goodbye’ basically.
What I would’ve liked to have said is:
You are not a mind reader RD. I was indeed interested in meeting you half way. You burnt that bridge yourself.
I didn’t want you to abide by anything, I wanted us to talk and come to an understanding, some boundaries with one another we could respect.
You weren’t interested and claiming I demanded you abide by everything is hypocritical seeing as you won’t even agree to mutually break off all contact and yourself demand I conform to your prescribed change in behaviour, which involves owning up to negative traits according to YOU. 
You are not a moral arbiter an if you were you wouldn’t be a very good one.
Furthermore you have a humungeous problem seeing the woods for the trees.
You’ve dredged up the idea of meeting half way when I in the above comment made it clear I’m no longer interesting in that. It’s not a topic worth even talking about as it is irrelevent to moving forward.
In fact you’ve ignored so much of what I’ve said, or contorted it or just misread it deliberately I’m wondering if you have some kind of mental disorder.
“ That's you pretending to be reasonable so you could jump on your moral high horse the second I didn't abide by your arbitrary and ever shifting rules. “
That’s a lovely massive extrapolation you’ve got there.
“ You're worse than Dan Slott.”
I’m really not.
I’m not a big shot writer who’s abused my power to hurt a fan.
Second of all if all this allged behaviour of mine (according to you) renders me worse than Slott then you are in the same plague pit with me jerkoff.
“ The fact that you don't see the irony in you expecting people to read and comply with your giant essay long responses, while you won't bother to read a few sentences, speaks volumes, and says everything I need to know about you. Like I said- you're worse than Slott.”
You’re an idiot.
I mean you are severely fucking dumb.
YOU chose multiple times to ignore long posts I wrote.
I do this ONCE because you’ve missed the point and are going off on a tangent attacking my character which isn’t the point (the point was finding an agreement for interactions going forward) and I’m a filthy hypocrite. 
Go look in the cracked mirror sunshine.
I mean it wasn’t a few sentences it was 5 loaded paragraphs insulting my character and had little-nothing to do with the meat of the discussion.
And yet even I wouldn’t stoop so low as to claim you are worse than Dan Slott.
Though like him you do disgust me.
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ithilien-writes · 7 years
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So, I was wondering if I could ask for some advice. I've been thinking the past week or so I should come out as bi to people that I know in my real life, and not in a totally defensive way(there's a story about how I accidentally outed myself to a girl I worked with, that's a whole thing) but I'm really not sure. I don't know how my parents would take it tbh.
so. this is probably going to be a bit of a ramble(/rant) bc i really strongly do not agree with a lot of the current rhetoric i see online about ‘coming out’. i’ve always ascribed more to the brian kinney school of thought (he was a character on the show queer as folk), which says, “if i’m not fucking you, it’s none of your fucking business” and also, “it’s not lying if they make you lie”
people are usually pretty quick (~ish, but that’s a whole other rant) to excuse people staying closeted if they don’t feel safe. but then the thought follows that you should work towards getting to a safe situation so that you can be ‘out’ right? i think that’s bullshit tbh.  first of all, ‘coming out’ isn’t a one time event, it’s a choice you make over and over every day with every new person you meet and every new environment you enter. that’s why “are you out?” has always struck me as a really naive question. with my family? at my workplace? to the homophobe ranting in front of me in line at the grocery store?? do you want a list???
but more importantly in my mind, even if you are ‘safe’ (again, another rant) to come out to someone you still literally have no obligation to do so. none. i know a lot of people, other queer people, who disagree with me on that. but that is 100% my stance 
anyway tl;dr - basically, if you want to come out to someone and you’re relatively sure it’s safe to do so, then that’s great and i can definitely give you some advice from my own experiences coming out to my folks. but i just want to preface with the fact that you don’t owe anyone shit!! you’re not lying to them, you’re not 'hiding who you really are’, it is none. of. their. fucking. business. (unless you decide it is!)
okay. whew sorry. rant over.
i personally have never had a 'please sit down, there’s something we need to talk about’ coming out conversation in my life. it’s really not possible for me, bc my anxiety would eat me alive. mostly i just try to bring it up naturally with new friends when i can after i’ve reached the point where i’m comfortable enough with them. but my folks, man. i had to actually TELL THEM right? and it was not easy for me at all, even though i was relatively sure that they would react neutrally (they did)
i told my mom first, when i was still in college and in my first serious relationship. somehow it seemed easier to approach it from the standpoint of 'i’m dating a girl’ vs. 'i’m bi!’ just out of the blue. we were in the car (she was driving) and i just went for it. she couldn’t really look at me bc she was driving and i think that helped both of us tbh. she said pretty much 'i always wondered’ and then 'you know my friend jayne is gay’ (she is) and then we arrived where we were going and that was it
my dad was a bigger deal partly bc i left it for too long after telling my mom. it was probably a good year later. my folks are still married so my mom felt like she was being put in a bad position of having to 'lie’ to my dad, so if i had it to do over i think i might’ve told them together. idk. i didn’t hesitate on telling my dad bc i thought he would react poorly but more bc i had no idea how to bring it up. my dad and i historically have two topics of conversation: nerdy fandom things, how school/work is going. that’s it. and it works for us! i love my dad
so in the end i wrote him a letter (email). which seems really weird and formal but sort of makes sense for us. he writes me like that when he has something big to express that he can’t in person either, or wants to make sure he says in the right way or etc. so there was precedent lol. he took it well too. wrote back that he was proud of me
since then it’s been sort of a mixed bag. they both try really hard, so i tend to give them a lot of points for that even when they fall short. watching one day at a time was super validating for me (in a lot of ways but for one) bc penelope’s reaction to elena coming out was 100% my mom’s. she wasn’t really ok and i knew she wasn’t but she pretended to be SUPER ok to make up for it and i know she was beating herself up about it. my dad never brought it up for the longest time but recently he made a joke about my future 'girlfriend’ and that was a nice feeling
anyway, that’s kind of my story. idk if that helps even at all but feel free to reach out with any other questions or message me if you want to talk privately. that’s to everyone btw!! my box is always open for y'all, i love you. be safe
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