#brain cant make up its mind
Text
vent in tagssssss
#.......#....#......#.........#..............................................#okay.#i wish i was someone's favorite person.#i want a best friend i can message at any time who i can stay with maybe for the rest of my life or something idk#relationships are fucking terrifying but also outside of them i can get lonely? lmao#brain cant make up its mind#not to compare this to my kins but like.#it's like i keep switching between tue aroaceness of sonic and the loveydoveyness of amy#bc this is how i make sense of my feelings#sighs#anyway#mage vent#actually im not done#all my friends are getting into relationships#so its like#they have their most important person decided#but i dont wanna have to enter a relationship just to feel loved yknow?#but i always feel. second to everyone#anyway. time to suppress emotions i guess#entering sonic mode to cope woooo
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
You have 90 minutes to complete. (original poem: r.a.)
In participation of the MCYT Recursive Exchange 2024 hosted by @mcytrecursive!
Inspired by know that all my love will be your breath (i will save you when your lights go out)
[text under cut]
1. Have you ever been in love?
(Please circle your answer.)
a. It's me and him
b. Our hearts beat in sync
c. Our lives intertwined
2. Do you understand what you’ve done?
(Please circle your answer.)
a. I couldn't do anything
b. I lost my balance
c. I doomed us both
3. It's been god knows how long since you felt phantom hands on your neck and there is no one in sight. If you were soul-bound to him and both of you died at the same time then why are you still waiting in the void?
Please answer clearly, in full sentences.
(Not a correct answer：I just wanted to see him one more time).
4. Define two (2)：
Fate | The feeling of his forehead against yours
Curse | The moment you realise he isn't linked to you anymore
5. True or False：
i. It was your fault.
ii. You wish you had met him under different circumstances.
iii. You can’t regret a single moment that you had him.
iv. You would do it all over again if you could.
v. It ended long before either of you said anything.
thumbnails:
sketch cover thing for imgur link:
#team ranchers#team rancher#rancher duo#jimmy solidarity#tangotek#trafficshipping#mcyt recursive exchange#events#fic fanart#my art#“canary has butterfly-shaped wings it cant do a dramatic spread like that” watch me. (draws dramatic wings) (sorry)#“you have 90 minutes” have been rattling in my brain for so long ever since i suddenly remembering a web weave using it (yes the beeduo one#very glad i can release it (using it in art) from its confines (my mind)#hm i suppose the title would be more in theme if its abt limited life ranchers#← havnt watched limlife yet#but! happy with what i come up with. lil bit proud even#had so much trouble with the panelling and layers in p2 cause it looks too busy (explodes)#also punching the floor bc i only noticed the “yes-no” pair(?) in the original poem when im already half-done w/ the comic#me when making silly comic makes you do poem analysis#i dont even go there ← does not have enough poetic braincells
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
never change, man !
#phantom of the paradise#potp#swan potp#nightmaretheater#65 layers and about 24 hours . Eeeyyuppp#Look into my beautiful mind boy#Its a bit unusual to what i usually draw#but i had to push a specific look for this piece#hopefully you all are picking up on the corperate look . the advertisment look#Sneeze. Anyways my point is industry destroys creative people. This includes swan#I feel like phrases like these ; how he was put on a pedistal…. it lead him to be Like That#as awful as he is he desperately needed help#it might seem like vanity on the surface#but i think its… more than that#long story short: we need to destroy the beauty industry. the skincare industry. the anti-aging industry#It ruined his psyche forever and he cant let go of the ideal version of himself he will never truly be again#i dont think he can at this point. hes in too deep and hes suffering for it no matter how much he feels hes fixed his problems#he cant accept a version of himself that isnt that perfect young man. because he never confronted his problems. he just ran away#anyways . Hi swath *punches him**kicks him*#i dont care if nobody gets me lalalalla my truths and headcanons are awesome forever and i live in my own reality lallaallal#sorry i think im gonna be posting about swan alot for a few months hes making me sick#i wass gonna post this earlier but my internet was real bad#*lays down in my pile of pillows* eat up boys. haha#sidenote: drawing white blond people is horrifiying. Boy your skin and hair are the same color. Introduce some contrast to yourself. Please#adding on: its inportant to note this focuses on him looking st himself in the mirror alot on purpouse#to remind himself what he ‘’’’really’’’’ looks like#the 4 middle pannels all represent that too . u have to be in my brain ri get this#sorry for unleashijg another swan essay in my tags. will happen again lol
299 notes
·
View notes
Note
the way you drew kokichi .. i think im ascending to the heavens .. i see the light .. chest collapsing .. heartbeat flatlining ..
oho, a Kokichi enjoyer!! tysm!! it was my first time drawing him at the time so im glad i didnt fail him. i dont want to fail any of the kyoto group. i love them all!! even w my clear favoritism
he's nice too, a bit more expressive than Noritoshi so i can finally draw something that isnt :| or >:( even if it isnt by much- i like him too
I like how he's both a dick but also kinda sweet. He's a different flavor of tsun... i can use this. my knowledge on him is limited but FROM WHAT I SAW IN THE WIKI OH MY GOD???????? OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!! KOKICHI!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#muta kokichi#kokichi muta#mechamaru#kokichi muta x reader#mechamaru x reader#? i guess#double post lets go im tryna be as fast as lightning#woah a non noritoshi post... crazy.......#my hands feel tingly and weird#my blog is so yume centric that my one track mind made you a love interest right off the bat#fuck it. everyone's in love w you unless stated otherwise#congrats. youre a harem leader/protag now except i have a strong bias towards one guy unless asked abt someone else#AND I JUST FOUND OUT MORE ABT KOKICHI???? WHY AM I FUCKING CRYING????? DUDE WHAT THE FUCK#OH NO THIS IS NOT CORRECT.. IS THIS WHAT SHIBUYA ARC IS???? DUDE#IM GONNA RIP OUT MY HAIR. THIS CANNOT BE. I CANT FAWN OVER ANOTHER CHARACTER W SO LITTLE SCREEN TIME AND CONTENT GOD PLEASE#HE GIVES SO MANY VIBES..... LIKE FUCKED UP 'i'll sacrifice the world for you' VIBES AND ITS MAKING MY BRAIN KRCHAKKRCHAKKRCHACK#kokichi muta... another hidden gem.... wipes tear#we'll treat you right kokichi... sobs. there there
292 notes
·
View notes
Text
Day 121 | id in alt
They're recreating something that happened on a mission. Gojo is invested. Fushiguro? Lightly shaken.
#dailykugisaki#jjk#kugisaki nobara#itadori yuji#fushiguro megumi#tokyo trio#gojo satoru#no Itadori's were harmed in the making of this#YALL IM STRAIGHT UP WRITING SHIT FOR KUGISAKI NOW THIS SHIT IS SERIOUS AS FUCK#when did this freak who shows up for a collective 20 minutes become my source of serotonin#idk but i wouldn't have it any other way shes amazing and if gege cant figure out his shit then im hitting him with a train#my mind is so enlarged rn y'all#update on the goats theyre being freaks again theyre stupid af#i was brain rotting a lot#i was doing a lot of shit the past week it was insanity but its always gonna be worth it to make any life better#anyway i need gege to relinquish his rights to Kugisaki Nobara bc i have a maddening amount of ideas for jer#also like how in the hell is Fushiguro's soul so strong it made me narrow my eyes#like good for him i guess but still#Kugisaki is fighting herobrine as we speak
46 notes
·
View notes
Text
Dude if the silly ship haters got even a whiff of what was going on in my gourd I think they'd lose their minds anyways im still being haunted by pmd (pokemon) au Sanemi/Tsutako. Incomprehensible and impossible but fills me with delight
#shoutout to Junes pmd au :-] @vinlynce! id tag you but brain is odd tonight n i think id explide....#anyways my mind operates through a filter of whimsy no one will ever understand#im not really a fan of sanegiyu tbh unless its a Very specific brand but this scratches an itch and i like it sooo much#i cold draw them as humans in modern au oh mgee..#i cant begin to explain why this pairing makes me so happy it just brings me a joy i cant describe#but yes if you couldnt tell that is sanemi and tsutako but pokemon! sorry#my art#pmd au#uhhh spoilers but ? if you dont know who tsutako is just dont look her up 💗
29 notes
·
View notes
Text
And when I inevitably draw gunslinger, lone Ranger Fernando, you can all blame DC:
#DC OUT HERE MAKING AUS LMAO#he said gunslinger nando and my brain went “bet.”#idk if anytime soon? idk itd be cool to draw it but also i have a big paper due by sunday 😬#so we shall see!!!#but he put the idea in my head and i cant just ignore it!!!!#has anyone watched blazing saddles? he would be gene wilder's character LMAO#old washed up man who still has incredible gunslinger speed that cant be defeated#HIM IN A BANDANA ON THE LOWET HALF OF HIS FACE#FERNANDO IN CHAPS#my mind going places dc never intended 😭😭😭😭#if i do draw it. its gotta be like 'AU cred: David Coulthard' LOL#f1#formula 1#david coulthard#fernando alonso#2023 qatar gp#ref
45 notes
·
View notes
Text
...
#what do you call it when a mind is lacking in depth of m thought? is there a word for that?#because all my mind can do is spin in tiny circles. never push any further. no depth of thought#i cant even carry out this line of thought to completion in my head. i have to write it down like this or else it remains stuck in an eddy#its so frustrating. when my thoughts are pressured i spin so fast it feels like my head might pop but the thoughts never go anywhere#bc they just repeat the same god damn things all thr fucking time. they drag me around in circles. then when im feeling low or even like#normal. my head just feels empty and it freaks me out. i have no intersting thoughts to think. theres nothing behind my eyes#possibly its just my brain on 0cd. but how am i suppose to escape the spiral if its in my own head? i guess im just supposed to changr my#reaction to it. recognize what it is and let it go. but i dont like it#i just want to curl up on a warm tile floor. press myself into a quiet corner and not think anything#in an aquarium or a conservatory. specifically the conservatory in Columbus. i love that place#i went there for my birthday when i was like 12 bc i liked it so much. the botanically gardens and the butterflies and the stained glass#i dunno. i just like it there. ugh. im just tired#god. there was a really cool talk today and im always like im not that inattentive lol but then i cannot for the life of me follow a talk or#read a paper all thr way through. my short term working memory is just a tiny little cup. easy to overfill#so i miss mostly everything. its so frustrating#its all frustrating. whatever. back to the psychiatrist tomorrow. probably up thr lamicta1 dosage#bc im past where i was last time i had a reaction to it 💪#i just wish i wanted to draw. drawing just makes me tired and impatient rn#unrelated
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
pondering the idea of drawing watanuki as luka in the tailor of enbizaka because watanuki doing Girl Horror and being driven mad by jealous misplaced paranoia and murdering a bunch of people because he thinks he's being cheated on then dressing up in all their clothes and then murdering doumeki sounds fun as a detached unrealistic juicy concept treat
#and YUUKO AS CONCHITA!!!#i am aware theres bigger context and a whole evilousverse but like i mean just within the contexts of the songs and vibes#i want to dress watanuki up in fancy outfits and make him play fun little roles every so often like an idol in a drama#bjdtanuki strikes again#ok but IMAGINE if watanuki murdered several people in a jealous rage#its not realistic but it would be fun to play with like smacking barbie dolls together#maybe i shouldn't be talking cause#despite my au being designed to be as in character but also self indulgent as possible#and being meticulously sorted out in my brain#i cant get the idea of a bad end verse out of my mind#the vn writer in me needs to see it#when that fic finally gets fucking written i promise ill write a fucked up chapter where canary snaps goes feral and kills people#canary is a complicated and fascinating old man beast and i think he is very hinged and definitely will not cause earth shattering anomalie#and death omens#anyways art idea#faffing about#xxxholic#i guess
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
ooc. u know since i started teaching i think my grammar is getting..........tiny..........tiny...weeensyyyyyy eaaannyyyy better. i know how grammar works but then i write my brain: *slides arabic structure here because it can* and then you have arabizi*
#ooc.| faty speaks#[i know i still do it but (verb have) in a past sentence my brain: gotta use the past form of the verb too duh#[modal verb carry the tense so no need to say something like they didn't had it should be have...#[me: its easy. brain: lmao ok i cant apply it because whatever~ whaaaatever~~~~#[sTOP IT ZA.CK FAIR STOP IT!!!! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO WWHATEVER ME NOW NOT EVEN IN JP!!! I WARN YOU BRAIN#[never mind me im just little bit emotional. remember when i used to write am instead of I .... yeh. same.#[i give myself pain because i can#[LISTEN. IM TINY BIT PROUD. AT LEAST I MAKE SENSE NOW..........RIGHT?...RIGHT???????????????????#[we passed the your and you're stage too. luckily i didnt get them mixed up. it is the there and their for me XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD#[help me..im suffocating because of past memories waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!#[let me not open my old multi muse blog and look at my writing sobs#[oooh c r i n g e ~~~~~~~#[yehaw i wanna bother wars suddenly weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
[pained wailing emoji]
#.pdf#rd#THE REST OF THIS IS JSUT ME WHINING. FEEL FREE TO IGNORE#i dont wanna go to work ‼️‼️‼️ i feel like i am nearing a breaking point i am sofucking burnt out#every time i go to work. my brain gets Scary at me. stresses me out. dont like it ☹️#im supposedto be going in tonigjt but im dreading it sososo much#my work hour options have changed from “fully flexible” to “7am-9pm only” whcih yeah i know that doesnt sound that bad. but i have non-24#(circadian rhythm disorder that makes me sleep progressively later every day circling fully around the clock over ~3 weeks or so)#and bcos of it often i have to force myself out of bed in what my body thinks may as well be the middle of the night just to get to work#and then i dont ever get enough time to recover from that to actually let my sleep fall back into its natural schedule wjich is the only#time i feel properly rested. so essentially im chronically sleep deprived which is making me chronically stressed and way less productive#i just reslly really want to fucking save up a little money and just Not work for a week or two. bjt. with my sleep bullshit i cant really#work enough to be able to put anything aside. at all#so. kind of an unrealistic desire i guess. lol#ive been feeling like this ever since like early january when i was told i ahve to stick to a more normal schedule. & its only getting worse#idont know i just wishthere was something i could do that was fully flexible on timing but also doesnt havw the kind of workload that would-#-stress me out like basically anything with longer-term projects so ykmow Most flexible schedule jobs.#i do have one thing in mind i could do on my own but its dumb and probably wouldnt make much money and has startup costs i cant afford rn..
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Alright. Guess the submas tag is still full of angst 👍🏼
#i keep making the same mistake in a feeble attempt to invalidate what my mind throws at me#i get to be upset over a whole new thing instead 🎉🤸#its either that or im far too sensible to anything that could have an even vaguely negative connotation#like man its gotten so bad that i literally cant handle angst if it doesn't have an immediate happy ending or the promise of one#and i see a piece of angst and end up thinking about it all day in an attempt to imagine a way that could end in it being resolved#and then try and convince myself that it is the only reasonable conclusion#like come on brain. i just want to think about them building a train lego set as a re-bonding activity post hisui#why you gotta give me all this angst :(#.wait is this an ocd moment#or is it something else. guys anyone have the same experience oh my god?#should i tell my therapist my thought process...#personal#am i putting this in the tag. i am putting this in the tag#submas#i just want the certainty that he gets home and both he and emmet have a good time after is that truly too much to ask gamefreak#i dont even care if theyre changed over the years or not i just want them to be happy with themselves and each other. vibing together
21 notes
·
View notes
Note
cops disbanded forever because the attempted arrest of a skeleton and a cat resulted in the cars being crushed by their huge tits
let's get arrested. together.
#ask#raidendotcom#i hope i dont regret typing that one day#my brains a mess cause i was talking to a friend while listening to waynes novelai stream. i have a slight headache#as i was talking to them i could feel as if what i was typing was starting to become gibberish#i am still recovering#raiden do you think itd be cool if kiryu had big naturals. sorry ive been watching a lot of yakuza videos.#or would majima be more befitting#their astral game must be off the charts i think.#sorry raiden if you cant answer. but im diffefent. whatevrer#after answering this im going back to watching yakuza kiwami 2#the ragdolls in the game offput me a little bit but i think throwing them off the screen makes up for it#though the battle music keeps fucking me up cause its the one they used in the one scene in the grand of yakuza 0#its a good song but it feels like it should only be played that once#so hearing the piano for thugs and yakuza on the streets everytime is offputting#but i dont mind it as much now that im getting use to watching it#im excited for yakuza 8 and the other game that comes out this year involving joryu#anyway i didnt mean to hyperfixate on yakuza while were talking about our fucking bobbies. im SORRY#thank you for the ask boobies. i mean breasts. i mean raiden. smile. then evil smile. :) >:) <- for reference
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
x
#another day another really weird dream#at first i dreamt i was watching a movie or a video game gameplay#where the main character was a woman who lived with her husband and two kids in the middle of nowhere#in like a house on the mountains#and one day two alien thingies like take ahold of the house but without her knowing#the husband knows tho amd hes trying to keep cool and give in to their request#and then we find out they approach her and give her the same 'rules' other wise they'd hurt her family#and like theyd drink blood and take samples from her family while she watches but she cant make a sound#she has to pretend everything is fine or they'll kill everybody#in the end the husband finds her#covered in blood with the two aliens dead and with their brains removed and eaten#but we dont kmow what happened. so then the dream changes#and its actually me with my family and im the main character#same stuff happens to me. but they're not really aliens theyre two men with weird powers#one night they give me a final trial. i have to hide from one of them until 5 am or they'll kill me and keep the game going with my family#i manage to hide and run for the whole night and they say i passed a test and me and my family are free#and the two men have become my subordinates and they must do everything i say#so i called the cops on them lmao. but then changed my mind and killed them before the cops came#and the cops were like ah. oh well. cleaned the house and left lol#and then i woke up
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
I feel like at least several times a month, I have a random insane revitalization of my love for The Smiths. Not that I ever stop loving them, but I'll listen to some song and then suddenly fall into this pit of just deep, intense love for their music again where I can't stop listening to their music on repeat and watching live performances and looking at pics like AAAAAHHHHHH WHY IS THEIR MUSIC SO GOOOD?????? WHY IS IT PERFECT?????? WHY WERE THEY SO GENDER???????
(songs I am feeling intense brainrot over rn in case you're curious: "I Want The One I Can't Have(live)", "Stretch Out and Wait(live)", "You Just Haven't Earned It Yet Baby", "Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others(demo)", "What She Said", "The Boy With The Thorn in His Side(live)"(p.s. I Want The One I Can't Have is Martian-coded to me, pls listen)(also it reminds me of that movie I watched yesterday)
#i want the one i cant have is playing on repeat in my brain rn and i watched a live performance and i was tearing up. why am i like this#the live versions of their songs are just incredibly good like at an insane level to me#i know the guitar is very complicated bcs my brother is equally obsessed w the smiths and rants to me abt how hard their music is to play#so the fact that their live performances are equal if not better than their studio versions is crazy#and i love the way he sings in live versions AAAAHHHH like just so over the top and dramatic#i absolutely love singing along to music and their songs are perfect bcs i can be as dramatic and loud as i want#and that hes singing perfectly and dramatizing it so much also while dancing along to it on stage??????#their music has an energy to it in every single aspect that no other band will ever be able to reach for me#i spent so much of today just dancing along to their music and singing over the top. i just felt so joyful 🥹🥹🥹🥹#GAAAHHHH sorry i just am really in it rn hahaha#its just crazy to me ig that ive listened to these songs so many times and they still fill me with such emotion#my mom sings and dance along w me tho shes like 'wow youre so energetic today did you hit your head or smth' 😭😭😭#also was losing my mind looking at their pictures today and gahhhhhhhhb such gender envy their gender is unmatched to me#but its so funny every time i get gender envy over smiths era morrissey +#because theres some pics of my dad from that same period of time when he was younger where he literally looks exactly like morrissey#SIR WHY DID I NOT INHERIT YOUR LEVEL OF GENDER???????(my dad was a icon sjdkkd we look alike tbh)#anyways: i feel very joyful and energetic about their music. they just make me so happy and i want to dance around again 🥹#i think this recent lapse into the pit was bcs i listened to the demos/live versions on The Queen is Dead deluxe edition#and im like ....how the fuck are they this fucking good??????#hehehe tho my passion has affected others 🤭#my brother is learning some songs on guitar atm and waxes poetic abt their instrumentals#my dad always listens to their entire discography when he needs background music. and my mom sings and dances w me#sorry this is unhinged i just feel a lot of serotonin bcs their music and i need to infect other people LMAO#maybe i need to make another web weave#catie.rambling.txt
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
...
#im still procrastinating so bear with me#ive just been thinking abt something. like the idea of a support system#bc as a 1st year grad student ppl around me r like: it must be hard being away from ur support system or ive left my support system when i#moved halfway across the country. and like i dont really feel that way bc idk the idea of a support system is sorta odd to me#like for me i guess it would just b my parents who i kno love me but im just so weirdly asocial that i never really talk to them#like i hardly ever text them. we talk maybe every couple months. so like i guess i theoretically have support but its a bit abstract#and like i have friends i guess but again im a bit weird and dont really feel connected to ppl so i dont feel that close to anyone#surface level friendships i guess. i dunno. i just feel weird not not having a support system but also having it b hollow#i guess i cant feel it more now. like i feel like getting diagnosed as bip0lar made my problems seem more realized to my parents#like i dunno i just assumed they knew i was doing awful most of the time but maybe that wasn't the case#its such a weird thing to b diagnosed with. like the conotations feel a lot heavier and i feel like im not supposed to talk abt it to ppl#bc theyll think im unreliable or something. like it wouldnt b that big a deal if i was just depressed but the sometimes buring out of my#skin makes me somehow scarier. and i still feel conflicted bc i do have a bip0lar mood profile but i have very very high impulse control#and even when im going high my mind is still super rational about it. which seems weird bc low impulse control is common with#the diagnosis. its also y i dont fit an 4dhd profile. not that it really matters. i fit the criteria enough to be on the bip0lar spectrum#its not like someone's gonna come yell at me for not being bip0lar enough. i just feel odd about it is all#still feels fake i guess. hard to imagine feeling any different to how i feel now. which is weirdly stable. so i guess the meds r working#sigh... ok enough i need to go to sleep at 7pm so i can get up at like 2 to finish reading a paper. for some reason my god forsaken brain#works better in the early morning rip#unrelated
7 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
sarahciita
Sarah Cita
kinosti
KiNO STi
creithor
film_studio A-O
catslaws
Oh, wow!
pemburusendu
Untitled