where can i download book pdfs? these mfs are starting to become more expensive lol.

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I need to tell someone this at least.

So this new pjo show is a complete joke, especially to some of the oj book fans(like me) who are so disappointed by how it turned out. The acting was stale(actors weren’t given anything to work with so fair), the visuals weren’t anything to speak of, the plot was nonexistent, everything was going too fast or too slow at all the wrong times, there was so much telling and almost no showing it felt like a voiceover or something, not only did they completely change what happened in half of the original book but they also added new and completely unnecessary scenes, to top it off the episodes were 30-40 minutes long with each episode having a budget of FIFTEEN MILLION DOLLARS. From the start of this they already messed it up, they promised a book accurate series but they’d be better off calling it loosely based (Percy is supposed to have black hair but his actor has blond hair and they expect me to like it??) they changed everything that didn’t need to be changed and the quality was so bad it makes me sick, and everyone is defending it and they’re all saying how good it is and yet there’s almost nothing good about it at all. And everyone’s defending the actors ‘oh they’re just kids’ they’re also getting paid to do this why aren’t they showing any emotion??? So it completely ruined any chances of this show being good and now I’m getting it practically shoved down my throat by every app and site I visit so it’s just sickening me even more and I’m trying to leave it alone but nobody is letting me because they’re saying how ‘good’ and ‘accurate’ it is. And rick(the book author) said he chose the cast because they were the best for the characters but none of the cast was actually good in this series(they were more in character out of it and that’s a whole nother slap in the face), the best thing I have to say about them is that their best performance was when they weren’t in the scene over explaining(which was almost never) the show never gave us any time to figure things out or be interested because it’s just so badly written it drags down everyone else involved. So now not only at i waiting for the ‘real’ pjo fans to realize that this show sucks but I’m also waiting for this show to get cancelled because it know it will. It sucks, and after waiting almost a decade this feels like a slap to the face. Why? Why would they completely change almost everything that made the books good? And I feel like what’s worse is that whenever anyone puts out any valid criticism on how little they stick to the book(making Percy blond, making clarisse skinny and not masculine) they get harassed into silence as if that’s a good argument? Is it so hard to put on a wig or some eye contacts or smth? You’re telling me these bland script writers are all they could find with a 15 million dollar budget? And where are the new faces? Everyone in that show is some kind of nepo baby or well known celebrity so that doesn’t work either. And it hurts so bad how they butchered the books to make this knockoff barely well thought out show. I hope this show never gets a season two because I’m actually sick thinking about how they’re gonna butcher that book.

I agree with some of the stuff said here except for the things to do with the actors. I think with the material given they did an excellent job with what they had. Their emotions were more in micro expressions which is really all they could do cause the setting was so serious and not in an action type way (which is when actors usually get to use big facials) through out the majority of the show. As a viewer I can understand why you think they’re acting was stale or emotionless but as an actress myself I can see it was anything but. They did really well considering the circumstances. And as for looks I really don’t see the point of making a big fuss cause that’s one thing I do agree with Rick about (one of the only things) as long as they embody the characters they can play them. And you can tell that from the way they act at the very least outside of the show that they do embody their characters amazingly. There’s no doubt in my mind about why they were casted. I do think that RR was a bit in over his head when trying to be so involved with the making of the show. I feel like overseeing the writing process just to make sure that they’re getting it right would’ve been enough but I think he got a bit too excited to try and make this something memorable and to his liking that he sort of overshot it. I wish there was a way that they could like redo season 1 or make some sort of redemption in season 2 but I’m a bit skeptical. These kids deserve a shot though, I’ve been following them all since the casting announcement and they’ve been working their ASSES off. They all read and reread the source material, they made an effort to interact with the fans and give as much insight as possible to the filming process, the kids themselves made an effort to become good friends with one another which really they just had to be friends at the least but they have frequent sleepovers and hangouts all the time from what I can see. They really care about this project and I think that in and of itself means that it’s worth fighting for. If not for Rick, for them and for the fans who DO like the show. They deserve their chance.

I do appreciate you feeling comfortable enough to share your thoughts with me!! Your opinion is completely valid and understandable!!

Hello Again + About My Book...

Good morning, good afternoon, and good evening, my friends. It's been a while, huh? What a year it's been!

What's that? It's only February, you say?

Well, it sure is! And what a year it's been! Longest January of my life, I tell you.

Anyway, I'm popping in today because I want to talk about my book, The Smallest Sapling. Been a long time coming, eh?

There's a lot that I want to talk about, so if you're interested at all, details to follow below.

So, first and foremost, I want to thank everyone who has ever shown any interest in my writing career. My first book was exactly that—my first. There's more to come, but that's for later. For now, I have some information to share about my debut Fantasy novel.

Even before it was finished, a few people approached me with questions. They wanted to know the process. They wanted to know how exactly one writes a book in [Current Year].

Well, friends, I'm here to give you some news:

Writing the book is the easy part. Everything else? Ha, well... not as simple, I'm afraid. I'm thankful for the challenges I faced, however, and the lessons I learned from them.

Let's start with some stats:

As of today, February 1, 2024, I have sold twenty books, whether they were digital e-books or physical copies (paperback or hardcover).

And in totality, this is how much money I've made from my book in that time.

This might be well and good, until you consider...

...I've spent almost as much money on advertising the book itself!

I'm unsure if this is normal for new authors, especially those who self-publish. I'm unsure because, naturally, I've never done this before now. I wanted to take some advice from others before jumping into the deep end, so to speak. Sink or swim; learn as you go! That was my thought process.

I will say, however, that I am very proud of my work and what I've accomplished so far! As I said, I've learned quite a lot. I want to share what I've learned with all of you, especially those who have approached me and spoken to me about wanting to write a book themselves. I'm the first of my friends and acquaintances to do something like this, and I'd like to be a lighthouse for anyone lost at sea.

In a separate post coming soon(?) I want to talk about the writing process itself. That is to say, how to write a book, how to self-publish your book, and I'd like to share advice with my friends, contemporaries, and anyone else who is interested!

And, in the end...

Writing this book was, honestly, not very profitable at all. However, I'm not discouraged in the slightest. This is what I expected, after all.

Something important I learned: I am a little shy when it comes to just talking about my book to other people, even off the web. I know I didn't advertise as much as I could have. That 20 could have been a 30 if I was a little more assertive and little less shy.

This is also why most people try to go the traditional route when it comes to publishing their novels. They get big companies to do the heavy lifting for them, which is commendable, but just as perilous!

(More on that later!)

But whether I made ten dollars, or one dollar, or even no dollars, I don't regret it one bit. The journey is far from over, and I love, with all my heart and soul, every single step I've taken so far. It's a winding path, and my head is held high, and I'm chasing the sun.

I wonder what's at the end?

Let's find out together.

Until next time ❤️

The Walt Disney Company Annual Report (2004) Scans

So this is a bit of an odd find, but I just had to pick it up for less than a dollar - The Walt Disney Company 2004 Annual Report.

Honestly, the cover art was what grabbed my attention.

I mean look at that! I'm not even a huge Disney fan but I did get excited seeing this collage art.

So cool...and so weird?

I feel like so many characters are missing - characters that would be "obvious" for a more recent Disney collage.

Remember Disney before Star Wars? Encanto? Frozen?

I do. Vaguely. I am pushing 30 after all. (I jest). But I basically had almost forgotten how "small" the Disney roster used to be.

Kind of hard to imagine Chicken Little was the upcoming big animated movie for 2005!

I wasn't sure what exactly an annual report magazine was, but my boyfriend knew of them. Basically, they are breakdowns of the company's products, output, projects, commitments, sales, etc., as information for current/potential investors/shareholders to have an analyze.

That being said, I truly don't have much to talk about in regards to this book. Most of it is numbers numbers numbers, math, math, math.

It was a bit of slog to scan, but I did it!

However, there are some tidbits I am interested in - primarily the pop culture ones. I'll share a few with you.

Take this page for instance: Olympic swimmers vibing in a pool with Mickey Mouse.

Doesn't get much more guys being dudes than this.

I'm being unfair, this is a picture from when they did a Disney charity swim. But still...it is funny to me with no context lol.

Or this page, about recently released/upcoming movies:

Am I the only one who didn't know NATIONAL TREASURE starring THEE Nicolas Cage was a DISNEY MOVIE?! I have no idea how this knowledge evaded me.

Also take note of the goofy photo of all the execs photoshopped into a Chicken Little backdrop. There are many of these kinds of photos, typically one for each "category". They're all a hoot because the backgrounds are so whimsical and they're all so...proper and stuffy in their suits lol.

I wanted to include this page since it references a lot of great movies, but mainly Sky High.

I'm a simple woman - I see Sky High, I simply must have to say justice for Layla x Warren Peace.

Anyways, here's a page giving MY Queen Hilary Duff her recognition for carrying Disney on her back:

When I tell you I was (and still am) obsessed with Hilary, Raven, and Jesse McCartney's debut albums.

Don't even get me started on Raven and Julie Andrews from Princess Diaries 2!! Their singing scene was so cute.

Also the double take when I saw BREAKING BENJAMIN? WITH HOLLYWOOD RECORDS?? HUH!!! I had to google, and it's true.

News to me!

It is kind of jarring to actually read and see how many seemingly random names/projects are associated with or straight up owned by Disney. This is especially apparent in the Broadcasting and Cable sections of the book.

I feel like we all know that now, but it's kind of jarring to look at media I grew up with and realize they're a lot more connected than I thought.

Just because I love references to old tech and the World Wide Web, I'll leave off with the first page of the Walt Disney Internet Group section.

The absolute chokehold Toontown Online had on me as a kid, and I never even played the game!! The thought of an online MMO was so fun to me, but I never got the chance to play it. I did regularly visit the Disney Channel website to play the games though!

As always, feel free to view the full book over on my Internet Archive account.

Thanks for stopping by!

I think the problem with a lot of RE fans (and in many other fandoms too, RE just happens to be the current topic), is that there's a belief being upheld, that whatever appears in canon material has to be free of criticism, just because it's canon!

To backup my point, I'll use Game of Thrones as an example. The show literally became infamous because of the backlash caused by its last season. It's not an exaggeration to state that the vast majority of fans and casual viewers (which are worldwide!) criticised it. Am I not allowed to point out Daenerys being out of character, just because the showrunners went ahead with that arc? Is the global viewership simply "just wrong about it", because hey, the showrunners made that decision. Leave it alone. It almost entirely killed the franchise. With books becoming a lost cause, HOTD has just about saved it.

My point being, just because something's canon, it doesn't mean it's good, nor is it free from negative opinions and thought pieces. That's what gets me about certain ship arguments. They have nothing of value to add to their stance... it's just "well, this and that canon storyline happened! So you're not allowed to say it's bad or try to analyse it from a different perspective!" Genuinely, how does someone like that even finish school?

It's unfortunately quite a popular opinion to have that worms its way into every piece of popular media. Just normalise questioning, analysing and constructively criticising the things we consume. That's supposed to be part of the enjoyment in my opinion. Also to add, it's important to recognise that franchises worth millions of dollars are much bigger than your curated twitter corner. Just because you and your friends bully people online, does not mean you're the spokesperson for RE (and others) consumerism. That is a toddlers perspective of the world, lol.

>it's important to recognise that franchises worth millions of dollars are much bigger than your curated twitter corner.

this is the single most important thing to keep in mind when trying to analyze a text and/or predict where a series is going to go, imo

it's so easy for your perspective to get fucked up when you sit in an echo chamber like that

that's why when cordial!aeon anon first came into my inbox, i was like "i need you guys to play video games that aren't RE" bc like

there was absolutely zero understanding of how the games industry actually functions and/or how Joe Average, who makes up the largest majority of consumers by MILLIONS, looks at the games he plays.

i worked at gamestop for eight years and let me tell u it is actually against capcom's best interest to develop their games around appeasing shippers, because shippers are responsible for only around roughly 10% of game sales -- and even that is being extremely generous. it will come as an upsetting shock to learn that a good portion (i estimate about 30%) of people who play video games skip the cutscenes entirely. the other 60% are people who just want a game that will hold their interest and make sense as they're going through it/not be embarrassingly stupid (like RE6 was).

like. no one has a more overinflated sense of self-importance than shippers who only talk to other shippers and engage with the medium in no other way.

July’s Review

The Sea, The Sea: Murdoch, Iris

I did not like Charles Arrowby and his DISGUSTING white person food (obv a joke don't cancel me). Like I grew up in an ethnic household and don't see the appeal of buttered spaghetti with basil or unseasoned salmon broil-

Putting that aside, the fact that he tried to manipulate and kidnap his childhood sweetheart who was MARRIED, doesn't really redeem him either.

Another unreliable narrator I don't like, maybe because I can't relate to kidnapping my beloved. Arrowby is truly an unlikable character, he has twisted ideals and even goes as far as to become a monster because of his obsessive love for Hartley.

Murdoch has an amazingly unique and witty writing style, which I do admire greatly, and I would like to read some of her non-fiction/philosophical works!!!

The Rubaiyat: Khayyim, Omar [7.5/10]

I feel like this is one of those books that trend in the Western world due to its "oriental" nature, as well with its mystical, other-worldly themes.

It's good though, I'm not hating on the Rubaiyat. It's romantically poetic and flowing, which is something I look for in poetry.

I do see how the Rubaiyat would take the world by storm. I actually learned about this book through that Buzzfeed Unsolved video on the Somerset Man, which is also amazing haha.

I also didn't include a photo because the book was from a library and I had to return it fyi

The Sailor Who Fell from Grace with The Sea: Mishima, Yukio

Done and dusted, I wrote a whole analysis on the novella. Let me know if you're interested in reading it :)

If you're new here, one thing you should know is that I love Mishima Yukio! There's something compelling about his work and that also applies to TS2FGWTS

Noboru is such a little shit. I found him quite unlikable and unreliable as a narrator in a sense. I hated how everyone mistook his hatred and sociopathic tendencies as the innocence of a young teen. That's how you get killed *looks at Ryuji*

Everyone in the story is at fault here, and Mishima doesn't avoid saying that in the slightest. Noboru's mother and fiancé, Ryuji, enabled the young boy and his vile actions. Not to mention Noboru's friends, walking red flags all over!

Everyone is also miserable in their own ways. It's like it's almost a characteristic in Japanese literature; everyone is either miserable or boring-Other than that, I really enjoyed reading this book :)

The Trial: Kafka, Franz [9.5/10]

Mhmmmm, Kafka *swoons*

I love him very, very much. Most of us tumblr users do. I have never met two types of tumblr users, those types being: mentally stable and the other being:  Kafka-hating.

The Trial is famously known for its trial of Josef K., who had supposedly done nothing wrong, but was thrown into the bureaucratic process of figuring out what he had done wrong.

It's a complexly written book without a set pace (but feels like it drags on forever) and many turns, but I promise you that it's an amazing read. It is difficult, but it's a rewarding type of difficulty, not a "holy shit i'm going blow my brains out" type of difficulty.

Also, same situation with the Rubaiyat

#freemymanjosef,wedon'tevenknowwhathedidwrong-

Selected Poems of Pasternak

I read this one for the sake of reading. Not for academic or discussion reasons. I read it because I felt drawn towards it.

I found this book at a secondhand bookstore in the Dongdaemun area of Seoul. The seller said he obtained this book from a clear-out at the U.S. air base in Osan. It felt like fate had found its way to that bookstore on that day. And so I purchased it for 3,000 won or around 2 dollars and 30 cents-

It's beautiful, Pasternak's work. It isn't overly flashy or bombastic, it depicts a quaint life and unique themes in nature; so I would recommend reading this book in the spring/winter months.

My Sister Life stood out to me the most, I would like to recommend it.

The Sound and the Fury: Faulkner, William

This just wasn't my thing. It wasn't difficult, but it was rather off-putting to me. Not to mention that I didn't really feel like picking up and reading the book.

This book was surprisingly dark? Like, wow. Faulkner really served with this one. Justice for Benjy, his treatment was undeserved. His mom needed to chill-

Faulkner did a spot on job with depicting a dysfunctional, decaying family. I also admire his usage of multiple viewpoints and stream of consciousness, but other than that, nothing particularly stood out to me.

Giovanni's Room: Baldwin, James

Added to my list of favorites!!! We're ending July right!!! I was actually supposed to finish this book in August, but it was so addicting!

This book was so, so amazing. There's so much I could cover, but I'm going to write an analysis about it soon; so let me know if you're interested in that.

David and Giovanni deserved to be happy (despite their mutual destructiveness). Fuck Guillaume, I didn't like him too much-

The plot aside, the writing itself is a work of art! I loved Baldwin's first novel Go Tell It on the Mountain, so I feel like Giovanni's Room is a satisfying runner-up.

Since the novel does touch upon internalized homophobia and homosexuality in general,  it was called Baldwin's "professional suicide note", but personally think that this book had served its purpose as a foundation for queer literature and artistry. Truly ahead of its time.

I am simultaneously happy and unhappy with this month’s reading list. I didn’t read a lot of books, seven to be exact. It doesn’t follow the flow of my regular reading pattern, and I felt disappointed in myself because I promised myself I would read more during my summer break :(

On the other hand, I was reading books I was happy with. There are so many good reviews and I really enjoyed reading these books. 

As July says goodbye, August brings its greetings. Stay safe everyone :)

For the fanfiction writers ask, #13, 14, and 30

13) What’s the first fandom you ever wrote for?

Star Wars.

I was taught to read adult level books at the age of eight with Star Wars Expanded Universe stuff. Packed up in my box of journals is the American Girl “My Story” notebook that contains the wheelchair-bound Mary Sue I tried to make. Wheelchair-bound because my dad also had me reading Asimov’s Foundation series, and Hari Seldon imprinted on me at a young age. Captain Nemo, Grand Admiral Thrawn, and Hari Seldon were some of my earliest favorite characters and they all have a very specific “mastermind” type because that was really the only thing about me that was valued or praised.

My blog header says my Star Wars problem is old enough to buy drinks in American Bars. Phantom Menace came out when I was nine. You can do the math. I’ve been in Star Wars longer than the prequels have existed for. Middle school me was on Star Wars Forums when I could get on dial-up and see what other people were making or talking about.

I know for a fact I have a locked dollar store journal from when I was eleven that has Dragon Ball Z/Star Wars crossover fiction where Piccolo and Gohan are a Jedi master and apprentice. Honestly that probably still holds up pretty well as a concept.

Abs one of the remnants of my childhood is the humor self insert fic me and my then-best-friend (and now former roommate) wrote back and forth where we were apprentices of Maul and Kenobi respectively, then switched when we realized one of us wasn’t that bad, and the other kind of was. It remains a masterpiece, and she’s read it to her husband. (My other former roommate.)

None of my early works exist in an internet capacity probably. But the first thing I did online works for was probably Yu-Gi-Oh. In the early, no-filter, possibly create your own geocities site if you’re real dedicated, post on your livejournal days.

The one reassuring thought I have every time something I write for gets popular is that at least it will stay pretty safely buried except with a select few people that I then become friends with and follow across fandoms as their interests wiggle around.

14) What’s your favorite fandom to write for?

At risk of sounding trite: “uhhhhhh…whatever one I’m currently in?”

I come back to things as I feel like coming back to them, and have long since set aside any ideas of becoming a “real writer” (ie: successfully monetarizing my interests.)

This is a joy and vague connectivity exercise.

If the people I’m buddies with are acting up and trying to consume and smear mud on one another for fun and dubious internet cred, then it takes the joy out of the thing for me and I find another thing, keeping only the people I like and glancing at what they’re doing from time to time like I’m reading the morning paper.

I’ve “come back” to Star Wars about three times, seeing people around me excited and happy to play with the concepts of it.

I’m “currently in” Naruto, and am fairly happy seeing people play with different concepts in that.

Basically I find a work I like and it lives in my brain, unfolding ideas, and if I’m lucky, I find and connect with people who also have different things unfolding in their brains, and we talk excitedly, and become friends. And then when they find another thing they’re excited about, I go “oh. Looks interesting.” And check it out.

I’ve Uh. Held on to @marquiseoniongirl for almost twenty years like this. Across several social media platforms.

Apparently I’ve given her a My Hero Academia problem most recently. (It’s been a few years now.)

30) Tooth-rotting fluff or merciless angst?

I’ve had a pretty set M.O. from the moment I started working online and that M.O. has never shied from angst.

“Suffering is the only thing that makes a moment of sweetness a real relief.”

Multiple fics of people holding one another in the dark probably indicates something there.

Jane Eyre 33/38 -Charlotte Bronte

30

She liked the family, “There was a reviving pleasure in this intercourse, of a kind now tasted by me for the first time-the pleasure arising from perfect congeniality of tastes, sentiments, and principles.”p.358 (sometimes the meaning of words change and make some sentences interesting) They let her borrow books and talked to her and weeks passed. St John was at home often so they didn’t get close as he was busy with ministry and charity. Hearing him speak Jane was sure despite his zealousness he hadn’t formed peace with God.

After a month Diana and Mary had to go back to their lives sand St John had found something for Jane. Since he’s poor he can only offer a service in poverty of being a teacher for girls, (so many years and teachers still get paid a pittance) Jane accepts. Mary worries for her brother since he takes poor care of himself. Then St John comes with a letter that their uncle John died and when the sister reads it it cheers them up a bit that they’re no worse off. Diana tells Jane they never met their mother’s brother but he left twenty thousand pounds to a relation (that’s almost three million dollars) giving them only thirty guineas. They next day Jane leaves for the school as the siblings shut up the house.

31

She teachers twenty students but only three know how to read, some are rough and ignorant but others want to learn. “I must not forget that these coarsely clad little peasants are of flesh and blood as good as the scions of gentlest genealogy;”p.368 (some districts don’t) But Jane felt degraded, not rising in the social scale, and surrounded by poverty but she’ll have to overcome them and maybe be happy in a month seeing progress. She asked if it was better to give up temptation to be Rochester’s mistress, he would have loved her for a while. but would have loved her. (oh honey just wants love and to not be lonely but girl sometimes being alone is better than being hurt if you’re that lonely ger a dog) She felt right adhering to law and felt happy but why was she crying.

She saw St John and his dog walk up the road and he asks her how her first day went, she’s thankful for it. He tells her to resist temptation, to turn back and pursue this career, she is intending that. He also thought he made a mistake in entering the ministry but since he accepted it he dropped everything but the career and plans to go East. (so he has regrets about choosing this path and plans to leave his security net this can only end badly) Their conversation is interrupted when a pretty young girl joins them, she came to see the new school and teacher. She’ll come help teach when she can, St John just has a stern face, he’s hiding his feelings for Rosamund.

32

Things get easier when her students got to know her and got into learning. She grew amiable with them and their parents and was loved in the neighborhood. She spent her evenings alone and in dreams with Rochester. Rosamund did visit usually when St John was there and he tried to ignore her presence and she knew what effect it had on him. He wouldn’t give in for love and give up the alter.

Jane became friends with Rosamund and sketched her as requested, Rosamund’s father liked it so much he invited Jane to Vale Hall. Mr. Oliver told her the Rivers are an old name and has since lost their wealth but are still respectable, pity St John went to the clergy. She was finishing Rosamund’s portrait when St John visited her, he saw the picture but didn’t say anything. She gets him to talk as he tries to avoid the subject and offers to make him a duplicate, he’s not sure it would be wise. She tells him he should go to the original, she likes him he should marry her. He’s had careful plans self-denying but can now see himself in Vale Hall with Rosamund but it’s all false.

She wouldn’t make him a good wife, it’s not for him and would realize it a year after marriage and live a lifetime a regret. (is this supposed to be a mirror of what Jane might have had with Rochester) Rosamund couldn’t be a missionary’s wife, Jane says he could give it up but he wants heaven it’s what he looks forward to. (you sound like you're doing this out of obligation not ambition or passion just a means to get what you want in the end so all the wrong reasons) He’s sure after a month Rosamund will forget him but then he praises Jane. Rosamund is lovely but he won't take her portrait and looks at some scratch paper before ripping off a piece, looks at Jane and leaves.

33

St John returned soon having got caught in a snow storm and she said Mary and Diana were right to worry about him being reckless with his health. St John tells her a story of a poor man falling in love with a rich man’s daughter twenty years ago. She was disowned and they both died a year later and their baby was left with the Reeds of Gateshead. After ten years she was sent to Lowood and became a teacher and later became a governess to Rochester. Rochester almost married the girl but at the alter discovered he had a wife and the governess left and couldn’t be found.

Jane wants to know if Rochester is well, but he doesn’t know, “You should rather ask the name of the governess-the nature of the event which requires her appearance.”p.391 The letters were sent by Fairfax and Briggs and Jane feared he left England. St John produces the slip of paper he took that she doodled her real name on. He asks if she knew why Briggs was looking for her, her uncle had died and left her all his property.  

Jane was stunned into silence to be rich but only the result of losing a relation she couldn’t meet. St John goes to leave but Jane stops him confused by why Briggs would write to him about her. She’s not satisfied with the excuses until he reveals his full name is St John Eyre Rivers. His mother had two brothers, one married Jane Reed of Gateshead and the other was a merchant who left his fortune to his orphan niece. Jane is connecting the families of her cousins, she found a brother and sisters she could love, even as strangers, now revealed to be blood relations. “Glorious discovery to a lonely wretch! This was wealth indeed!-wealth to the heart!”p.395 (when you lived a lonely life when no one cares about you finding out you have relatives you love you is more valuable than millions)

She’s more elated to have family than to be wealthy, but with it she could unite them, she could share her money. She would give Mary and Diana five thousand each and persuade St John to stay and marry Rosamund. St John tries to get her to calm down but she insists in dividing her wealth among them, she will live at the Moor house. He wants her to think about it for a few days since she doesn’t know the importance of twenty thousand pounds, she could have class and marry well. She tells him he doesn’t know what it’s like to not have a family or a home. They’ll be her family without her money, but she wants them to be equal. “Marry! I don’t want to marry, and never shall marry.”p.398 (she’s a strong independent woman who don’t need no man) They won't take her for love, only money and she won't take a sympathizing stranger. He’ll take her for a younger sister and she’ll stay at the school until a replacement is found and so she split her wealth with them.

NEXT

Walkie Talkie

It’s Wednesday evening, about an hour of sun left, and I’m walking down to the old penthouse in Flatbush to retrieve my new apartment keys. It’s moments like these — walking, doing dishes, a 30 min break between meetings — that I’d call my Dad. 

I can hear his excitement picking up the phone: Connor boy! We’d start with the weather. It’s a beautiful day here, I’d say. One of those days where the weather can’t quite decide what it wants to be, flitting between big blue sun and sudden gray with spastic rain. 

I’d tell him I’ve been running more and that I think I’m gonna sign up for a marathon near Albany with the goal of qualifying for Boston. It’s a friendly qualifier, according to Google, and we have some friends nearby we could stay with. I’d tell him I saw Chris Hayes on my lunch run — he was walking his dog in his PJs on a work cal. I knew it was a work call because I knew when his editorial team met to discuss the evening lineup. And that’s not all. This was actually my second sighting of Hayes. The first being at a bar in Gowanus before I really worked in media. How rare to encounter the same celeb twice in the New York wilderness? 

I’d tell him about bowling, though surely he would’ve called the following day to hear how we did in the playoffs. I’d regret to inform him we lost in the first round to a team of toxic old creepers. But I bowled well -- a 146 in the first game and then a 170 to close the season. I’d promise to send him the article about a Dallas bowler’s near-900 game, an almost unheard of string of three consecutive perfect games. In other words, 36 strikes in a row. A turkey to end all turkeys. The seventh extinction. 

He’d probably feed me some essay idea and remind me how much he loves my writing and remind me I got my work ethic from Mom. 

I’d tell him I won a hail mary bet, how it was a must-win otherwise I would’ve depleted all my FanDuel dollars, after which I promised to stop betting like I had been every week for the last two months and he’d say Oh yeahhh like the Kool Aid man (kool aid btw was invented in Nebraska). We both bet on Denver to repeat as champions so we’d prematurely discuss their first playoff game and what it portends for June. 

I’d tell him no I haven’t spoken to Ethan recently but we both love you deeply. 

Dad would hem and haw when asked what’s new with him. There never was much. Life was filtered through TV, current events, books, visitors and his window overlooking the parking lot with an American flag planted center stage. One of the nurses told me he offered up his grandpas flag honoring his WWII service to replace their tattered flag. 

He’d surely ask what I was reading. New York 2140. I borrowed it from you. It was perfect you had it, because that’s exactly what I wanted to read after Vinson Cunningham’s debut novel Great Expectations. I read it flying into New York and saw how vulnerable the city was to a rising sea-levels. We landed in LaGuardia, which has its ass hanging out on the water. Tunneling through the East River to Manhattan I saw the ancient screws coated in dust holding the center fast against past and future. 

It was a very New York book, too, with some interesting finance elements (liquidity, stoking then shorting the bubble, Ben Bernanke’s heroic levers). One of the main characters was a super, another was a degen finance bro. It indulged in geographic specificity, from street names to developed marshes, making several detours down local cul de sacs into forgotten pockets of history and waxing poetic about that famous New York energy. 

It flagged a little 400 pages in, but the animating premise -- a resilient New York that adapted to a 50-foot surge in sea levels after the ice shelf collapsed -- was endlessly fascinating. Downtown was “intertidal” with skyscrapers partly submerged in water at high tide, while sky bridges criss-crossed overhead, and cloud communities circled above superscrapers hundreds of stories high. The author imagineered a SuperVenice and it was a beautiful triumph against the odds. You would like the cloud influencer who shepherded animals at risk in her blimp-ark. 

He’d tell me about an interesting book review he read in the Washington Post and the book that would soon be delivered and of course the many others he had his eye on. You have plenty of reading material already. Read what you have! I’d normally say shaking my head. But this time I’d say those all sound great and I promise to take good care of them. I’ll read them all with you. 

Inevitably we’d both get quiet. I was always perplexed why Dad got anxious during any conversation lull, but he did and would proceed to wrap things up. I took advantage of this sometime. But not today. Today I’d say don’t go, the words will come, just stay on the line. 

art exhibit & exhibition — a small recollection, in presumably crude order

i get there early. exhibit starts at 1– i arrive around 12:30 or so. the solitude before the event starts is immensely comforting. take a glance around at all the pieces in the exhibit i am primarily there for. i don’t do a detailed take of all of them, really— only a few. see a denim piece & self portrait & other things, all absolutely beautiful. the childlike wonder and joy of the pieces made by the younger children was something i hadn’t felt in a long time. smiled for a about 85% of the entire visit. went and saw other exhibitions, took photos of anything which left me awestruck or effected. accidentally forgot some photos of a couple of these, but nonetheless amazing. unable to describe them or how they affected me; all the emotions of the event are capsulated in the event, in that specific area of time. one in particular drew me in— portrait of a girl. looked almost like myself. something about it was beautiful, but soul-crushing. made me realize i wasn’t alone.

one piece in particular, a small architectural creation of a room. didn’t sit inside it, but wanted to. was afraid i was too big… still, found it fascinating. the younger children at the event loved it.

main event starts— crowds of people. generally older in age. meet a few artists— several. see some educator art on display. like the clay piece about burrels (?) in trees; talked about this last year with him, actually. saw him (mr b, shorthand) make it a bit last year. talk to a girl who has two paintings of herself on display. her outfit is absolutely beautiful, something soft and elegant— don’t explicitly state either of these things, just say she looks nice. talk with her about different materials and her sustained investigation. after our conversation, we don’t seem to meet again— still, i wish her well.

i get to make two connections— two artists. one two years younger, one same age. both have interesting outfits. one made her hoodies design herself, other wore an arachnid necklace around her neck. small group of individuals. meet another person later on, a person wearing a hatsune miku shirt. doe like eyes and very soft face. pretty in every sense of the word— of course, i don’t tell them this; just an observation. one of the people i made connections with talks of how they labeled her piece wrong with materials. huh. i get each of their contacts— they leave soon enough. i am the last of the three to leave. unsure when they go.

i get two papers, one pamphlet and other a telling of what pieces are in the gallery along with their creators. feel a sense of déjà vu. and, also like the first time, i neatly fold up the paper and put it in my pocket. on a second glance, long after i have left, i realize i should have probably grabbed extras. if only.

head tilted, i bring my teacher beside me and ask if a certain label is correct. he hums and says hes unsure. insert human mumbling & different sound pitches to one another & an awkward sentence of sorts. i don’t find it funny, regard it as… almost a joke at my expense. he doesn’t seem to realize this; if he does, maybe it is meant as something lighthearted. i find myself reeling, just slightly, feeling bad about the way events go and have gone about. silently, i wish for things to be different. for life to get better. i try to move on from the interaction. i do, eventually.

cake for the event; had the vanilla side. sweet, crushingly sweet. had cranberry and mango as a juice combination… surprisingly, not bad. not at all. made a two dollar donation & bought a small book & sticker at the gift shop. expensive items; makes full sense, i just don’t have money. book is about organisms one may find on marsh lands & whatnot in the area. excited to read it. more like a little pamphlet..

once i walked out, took a small detour to see some of the sculptures outside. light rain, comforting. i appreciate the solitude contrasting with the loud & crowded aspects of the event when it was in motion. sat on a small marble bench as i awaited my mothers arrival. reminded of comedic notes i made in my notes app, reminded of the days events and presences. the heaviness of my earrings weighs (hah) on me. one of the sun, one of the moon; outfit meticulously picked. wanted to look good, perfect if possible. unable to ever be perfect. i am.. not made for that. still, i managed to look okay. wore a black blazer & my other fish shirt. outfit went together well. felt flustered by the compliments on said earrings. i am not used to being noticed like this, noticed in general.. feel almost unworthy of it all.

on the ride home, passed by train tracks & an expanse area where a few transmission towers lay standing. have a childhood memory of the place, if not that one then a place similar, going with a man who was a friend of a brother of a girl of a child of a… you know, long list. essentially, friend of a family friend. name was chris, if i remember right. short brown hair, blue eyes & a beard. early 20s. walked with child me among the transmission towers and pebbled walkways which weren’t actual walkways. awestruck by their size and beauty, amazed i was allowed to go this far. logistically, probably trespassing. visited a small pond with him. swam in the water in all my clothes; no swimsuit brought, as that wasnt to be expected. interacted with another boy at this small pond. don’t remember anything about him, just remember it was a small hideaway of sorts. chris brought a towel; walked back to the house in damp clothes, yet smiling the entire time. the first time i felt free, possibly. i was never uncomfortable during the exchange; he was one of the few men in my early life that didn’t have any hints of lingering discomfort or creepiness to them. simply a nice fellow.

on the ride home, after recalling the memory, i look outside my window and at the roads i have long traveled on. same roads, same routes. how long have things been like this? i find myself violently distressed at the thought. i have always been aware other people live in my vicinity, but the realization at this point in time leaves me reeling and suddenly emotionally vulnerable. i don’t know what to do with this, nor what to say that would accurately describe what this entailed. in the end, i calm down; chalk everything up to coincidence.

i don’t believe in it, but it is the only thing i can do; lest i have my worldview turned upside down and absolutely shattered.

Going Zero. By Anthony McCarten. Harper, 2023.

Rating: 3.5/5 stars

Genre: thriller

Series: N/A

Summary: In the name of national security, the CIA in partnership with Silicon Valley wunderkind Cy Baxter have created the ultimate surveillance program known as FUSION. Ahead of its roll out, ten Americans have been carefully selected to Beta test the groundbreaking system.

At the appointed hour, each of the ten will have two hours to “Go Zero”—to turn their cellphones off, cut ties with friends and family, and use any means possible to disappear. They will then have 30 days to evade detection and elude the highly sophisticated Capture Teams tasked to find them using the most cutting-edge technology. The goal is to see if it is possible to successfully go “off the grid” and escape detection.

The stakes are immense. If FUSION is a success, Cy Baxter will secure a coveted 10-year, $100 billion dollar government contract and access to intelligence resources he truly believes will save lives. For any participant who beats the massive surveillance, it means a $3 million cash prize.

Among the contestants is an unassuming Boston librarian named Kaitlyn Day. She’s been chosen as the gimme, the easy target expected to be found first. But Kaitlyn excels at confounding expectations. Her talents at this particular game are far more effective than all the security experts suspect, and her reasons for playing far more personal than anyone can imagine. . . .

***Full review below.***

CONTENT WARNINGS: ableism, reference to mass shooting

OVERVIEW: This book was my book club's pick for March 2024. I'm not normally a thriller reader, so I was glad to pick up something outside my usual genres. Overall, I'm rating this book 3.5 stars because, while I was interested enough to keep reading, the plot and the characters didn't quite have me on the edge of my seat. To be fair, I think this book accomplishes what it sets out to do, so maybe I'm just not the target audience. But as a reader, I wasn't as gripped by the story as I think I could have been.

WRITING: McCartnen's prose feels very laid back, almost conversational or casual. There are a lot of sentence fragments that keep the pace going, adding to the casual feel and approaching something sort of like first person, but not quite. Personally, I found nothing wrong with it - it's not literary or particularly memorable, but it doesn't really need to be, given the genre. It functions, and I think the main thing that it can be praised for is keeping the story going at an appropriate pace.

PLOT: The plot of this book follows Kaitlyn Day, a librarian who has been selected to participate in an elaborate game of corporate hide and seek. Fusion - a tech company owned by multi-billionaire Cy Baxter - is testing their latest Spyware, challenging 10 participants to evade capture for 30 days to prove that their product works. If Fusion can locate all 10 participants, the company wins a multi-billion dollar contract with the CIA. If the participants win, they will receive $3 million. But what begins as a seemingly harmless test quickly escalates as it is revealed that Kaitlyn has joined for reasons other than the money.

This plot kept me interested enough where I wanted to read on and see where things were going. I kind of appreciated that things started relatively low stakes but quickly became something more serious, and I also liked that it wasn't full of action scenes or random death and violence. Instead, it felt like a deliberate untangling of a mystery, and though I can't say it was exceptionally clever, it was intriguing enough where I wanted to see things through to the end.

CHARACTERS: In general, I think it was the characterization that prevented me from being too excited about this book, but I want to preface my criticisms by saying that I'm not sure if thrillers are meant to feature complex characters or if the focus is primarily on plot. So take my comments with a grain of salt.

Personally, I think I could have gotten more excited about the plot if character motivations felt more real or personal. While a bunch of motivations are told to us and I think McCarten does what he can, I ultimately didn't feel like I really resonated with character motivations. Kaitlyn's motivations (without spoiling anything) were understandable, but I didn't feel the longing, the anguish of not knowing, along with her. I also didn't feel Cy's supposed drive to succeed or Erika's idealism, though those things are told to us over and over. Perhaps I didn't connect because the genre and writing style really isn't about character, so in that case, my tastes are personal. But even so, I think making characters seem a little more real and having the reader invested in their stories would have gone a long way, especially in moments when the plot seemed a little thin.

TL;DR: Going Zero is an enjoyable thriller centered on the themes of cybersecurity, privacy, and surveillance. Though the character motivations didn't quite capture my attention and I wasn't as gripped by the plot as I would have liked, I was still invested enough to see things through to the end and I think the pacing was just right so I didn't feel rushed.

4 Trade Ideas for Bank of America: Bonus Idea

Bank of America, $BAC, comes into the week reversing off a pullback to the 20 day SMA. The pullback started as price hit the 50% retracement area of the post pandemic move higher. It had moved up there from the 78.6% retracement zone as the low since the post pandemic high in October. The RSI also turned back higher Friday as it held at the bottom of the bullish zone with the MACD dropping but positive. The pullback also started from the first higher high since the post pandemic top. There is resistance at 33 and 34.40 then 35.25 and 37 before 38.50 and 40. Support lower is at 31.50 and 31 then 30.50. Short interest is low under 1%. 

The stock pays a dividend with an annual yield of 2.98% and has traded ex-dividend since November 30th. The company is expected to report earnings next on April 16th before the open. The February options chain has open interest building from 34 to a peak at 30 and then dropping back on the put side but focused at 35 then 32 on the call side. The March chain builds from 34 to a peak at 29 before tailing on the put side and again is focused at 33 on the call side. The April chain covers the earnings report and has open interest spread from 34 to 24, with a spike at 28 on the put side. On the call side it is level from 31 to 39.

Bank of America, Ticker: $BAC

Trade Idea 1: Buy the stock on a move over 32.25 with a stop at 31.

Trade Idea 2: Buy the stock on a move over 32.25 and add a February 31 Put (31 cents) while selling the April 36 Calls (32 cents).

Trade Idea 3: Buy the February/March 35 Call Calendar (14 cents) while selling the February 30 Puts (14 cents).

Trade Idea 4: Buy the April 30/34/37 Call Spread Risk Reversal (1 cent).

If you like what you see sign up for more ideas and deeper analysis using this Get Premium link.  

After reviewing over 1,000 charts, I have found some good setups for the week. These were selected and should be viewed in the context of the broad Market Macro picture reviewed Friday which with the January options expiration in the books, saw equity markets displaying strength with both the large cap S&P 500 and Nasdaq 100 closing at new all-time highs.

Elsewhere look for Gold to continue its pullback in the uptrend while Crude Oil consolidates in a narrow range. The US Dollar Index continues to bounce to the upside while US Treasuries remain in their downtrend. The Shanghai Composite looks to continue its trend lower while Emerging Markets consolidate over long term support.

The Volatility Index looks to remain very low and stable making the path easier for equity markets to the upside. The charts of the SPY and QQQ look strong, especially on the longer timeframe. On the shorter timeframe both the QQQ and SPY have reset on momentum measures and both are very strong. The IWM remains the exception bouncing around in a range that has held it since for almost 2 years. Use this information as you prepare for the coming week and trad’em well.

Alright so boom Im back and Im turning my contribution to this space into a live journal of my experience with Retention and just life in general. I just kept going and God kept protecting me from wasting my life force. Paragraphs aren’t separated by topic really anymore, it just looks easier to digest than a wall of text.

I have been doing dummy missions and bringing my ex along to kill 2 birds with one stone and it almost killed me. I gotta stop trying to kill birds simultaneously and just focus on one at a time, unless it’s clear there is no negative benefit of killing them.

I will never mate with her again, Im jilting her(I know I could use that work better). She is like a planet. It’s already been too long I’ve been running in circles (ironically not orbiting but lemme cook) just spiraling out but it turned out I was spiraling up into a helix and then I reached escape velocity.

I no longer can exist on that vibration. I have been busy with studying for this mechatronics assessment and just trying to eat healthier things. I want to have these concepts understood enough to explain to a 5 year old or and old head. I wish there was an online community for people interested in mechatronics so I could learn and be around like minded people.

This girl who I’m kinda like impressed with gave me $40 dollars today and said she was a Christian and God told her to give this to me. She’s pretty cool and is into anime and sad music, she’s pretty introverted and idk I try not to bother her too much. I talk to everyone I work with but I just be telling her my whole life lmao. But as far as the money thing, I have to think of what to do about that, like I don’t know what I’d want most if I was in her shoes.

I’ve literally been in her shoes atleast somewhat when I’d give people an unexpected large amount of money, usually homeless people or people Id only see once. Her superego speaks to her perhaps but with religious support. I think we both feel like vessels for God. It’s an interesting situation meeting someone pretty similar to me and yet not exactly the same. Oh and she’s a writer.

I have to remember to raise my vibration and not ask for the attraction of specific person but of someone who is on the same vibration. It is no point in love potions be they physical or abstract. I will not settle for specifics, that would only build up energy unnecessarily. I am not hedging my bets on individual people, myself included. I require a team, we all have value and some are more suited for certain tasks and delegations than others.

I really desire clear skin and healthy hair. I have clear skin and healthy hair. My chakras are balanced. I am trusting of the process and I am patient. I study for 2 hours and then I take a 15 minute break, every other revolution I take a 30 minute break. On these breaks I eat and just focus on something else. Im basically using Amazons work structure for my own purposes.

I also want to get my official enneagram. People speculate Im a 6. It deals with so many different things and I just want the information so I can create a better world for everyone(myself included). I had some time where I freaked out thinking I was a narcissist but I’m not disagreeable enough to be that. My extroversion is limited to people I work with directly. I don’t particularly enjoy having to convince people of the truth that I am not flirting with them. In public I am not that social or rather I have not been in social situations where I felt it necessary or appropriate to give my name or any life details- aside from work.

I really need to write more, I still record stuff on my phone tho. I need to buy some recording equipment next week to work with a friend from a psychology group. Im really excited to create with another person and really create something special. I will do my best to not let myself or anyone down. I should read more of my adhd book as well to help with that.

Ok it’s nearing 5 o clock and I need to get sleep. Later slimes🙏💚

-Slime

June 18 - Kyoto International Manga Museum

Today is the day I’ve been looking forward to the most. It felt like I was traveling to the Mecca of my hobby, and while I received no divine visions for my cross world pilgrimage here it was still amazing. The museum presides within a old elementary school, and basically functions as a massive library housing manga as early as the Prewar period. Recently back home I found a copy of Tank Tankuro which is the only Prewar manga I own, and it was so nice seeing it on the shelves here among the few Prewar books that have been collected by the museum. While I don’t understand Japanese just by opening up a random book and flipping through the pages I continue to be in awe at the range of topics, art, and storytelling tackled by manga. While I love films, I feel like manga (and comics by extension) are a unlimited art form not bound by funding or feasibility of creation. You can make any image and any story you want. Thankfully the gift shop wasn’t to alluring (I was seriously worrying) but I did end up finding the first volume of Hokusai manga (the second I found on our first day) so now I have about 800 pages of his beautiful prints. While I know he isn’t connected to the manga I read today, I would still argue inspiration exists at least in the visual aesthetics pursued through Japan (which I love). At the museum we were also treated to a kamishibai performance, which are paper plays voiced by an operator who manipulates images in a small screen. This can be seen almost as a precursor to manga, before humans were able really conceptualize sound image. Once the performance ended my whole class left, but I saw that in the English library they had volumes of Phoenix which can reach hundreds of dollars. With this in mind I stayed for about an extra 2 hours reading what is considered Tezuka’s masterwork. In all honesty it just wasn’t for me. At one point a character stabs another, while declaring his love for her. As she bleeds out they make out and I just had to put it down for a bit. I ignored my hunger while reading but once I left I quickly ran over to the Sukiya across the street which provides quick food at a questionable quality. In preparation for our day trip I chose to rest for the day, finding a yummy French bistro which was equally as affordable but way better.

Academic Reflection

Reading this paper was like butter. It took me about 30 minutes, but I guess that’s what happens when it’s about something you love. I was truly surprised at the quality of this writing, as some papers I’ve read have been really hit or miss. This paper not only provided a wide range of arguments about the possible origin of manga (correctly citing Bringing up Father, which the book Comics and the Origins of Manga by Eike Exner which I’ve been reading also cites) but also described why these arguments exist. I found this of particular interest, as those who argue for mangas connection to ancient Japanese art forms do so in an attempt to legitimize manga as important to Japanese culture. This is because (similarly to video games in the West) manga has been demonized by the broader society as a sort of deviant activity which promotes further deviant behaviors. On it’s face this is wrong, but it also gets closer to issues of class that are faced abroad (more specifically in Japan) regarding how those with privilege view art created and consumed by those of a lower class. These individuals may feel frustrated because manga/anime has become a major (if not the main) cultural export of Japan versus its other high art forms like kabuki, noh, etc. I personally find this sad, but as more and more Japanese people consume manga regularly perspectives are bound to continue to change into the future.

Continuing off manga as a low class art, the papers mention of gekiga made me happy. Recently in my own manga collection, I have been diving deep into gekiga with authors like Tadao Tsuge, Yoshihiro Tatsumi and Yoshikazu Ebisu (Yuichi Yokoyama as well however he is part of another gekiga wave). These authors brought a new energy which was vital for the continued evolution of manga into the future. Without names like these (and many many more) I don’t think we would have manga like it is today. Even though I couldn’t read them I flipped through some of these authors book, and the power of their composition/art was enough to follow the stories.

I was also shocked to see how profitable the manga industry is with it reaching into the billions of dollars. The museum and reading broaches the topic of piracy. I couldn’t even begin to imagine the potential profit numbers of piracy for manga didn’t exist on the scale it does (and the scale is truly massive). However, this reading and our past reading on otaku culture show how ingrained into manga culture derivative work/piracy is. Personally, I engage heavily into this community reading leaks for manga like Jujutsu Kaisen weekly and reading scanlations of manga that will likely never get English releases (I value reading manga physically so I will wait if the possibility exists). For manga like Jujutsu Kaisen I purchase the volumes on release in the West, and I think this is why piracy is allowed. Not only would it be very difficult to crack down on all the scanlation teams (manga publishers would likely have to invest into groups of lawyers which would be costly), but they effectively act as free advertising. While this may be a divisive take for people who are hardline on intellectual property law, I think manga would exist as an interesting case study when a medium and this underbelly synthesis together.

Guys i had ANOTHER australia dream

This was so crazy and soooo long

it lasted the whole night and the entirety of the dream was basically in the airport

Um.....basically our trip was planned, booked and busy. And me and the most random group, like it wasnt just friends it was high school people, it wasnt just hs people it was some family, wasnt just family it was some randos. Like the most smorgege board of squad and everyone else 

And we were staying somewhere in philly, or somewhere, that was close to the airport so we could wake up and catch our flight. But then the morning of we were at the hotel and realized omg we were kinda late, so the hotel was like 25 mins from the airport and everyone wanted ample time to be there bc.....the flight was to australia like its a big deal. 

So then something goes terribly wrong with me and i have to go all the way home to get something crucial, like my ticket, my passport my luggage. And im sobbing in chip at home like “i screwed it all up, i cant even go, is it even worth trying?? like would i even make it” and we looked at the time and they were supposed to board the plane at like 5:30 and idk we were over an hour away and in very hot water. 

And my dad was like ehhh your in trouble but you might make it, GO FAST GO NOW. 

Which is interesting because, in the last dream i was looking at the cost and it was thousands of thousands of dollars and verbatim i asked my parents “is this even worth trying to make this possible, like theres no way right? right?” expecting them to immediately say “yea theres no way” but they keep surprising me and saying basically “dont worry about that of course its possible” 

Which must just be spirit telling me to stop thinking things are impossible and limiting my mindset on what can happen and what i can do. 

Anyway, AuntyAbby was rushing me to the airport and i think now i was with another group who was trying to make it on time. And the whole dream is like us rushing around meeting different airport workers and befriending them saying “please please is there anyway you can help us make it to our flight on time” the airport was huge. So one person would help us take a secret underground shuttle, and one person would help us go super fast through a security checkpoint. Also plenty of elevators. They were usually to far away cause the building had too many floors and we always had to take the stairs. And it was that but for several hours. Like im not kidding, and we were begging people at each step to call the terminal and make sure they havent done the final boarding call. And everyone kept assuring us “you should make it”

But we were running. And on the way, in true dream fashion i kept having to leave little things behind that i wanted to bring but were too much of a hassell to carry around. Like stray things, and i kept fighting for my life to keep everything together but little momentos and sentimental things i kept having to leave behind. 

In fact, the dream illustrated this lesson all the way through the end, because at the end of the dream when we finally are being let on the plane. We were in this waiting area for a while while the plane located seats for us because it was a packed flight to australia waiting to finally get going because of us. 

I had my backpack, which my sooooo heavy and full and hurting my back to carry. My polkadot over night bag. A jacket, a purse, and my main suitcase big luggage. So you can imagine. Running around for hours trying to catch my flight, was exhausting carrying around all that baggage (in fact it was making me later *wink wink*) 

So finally when we were waiting for the door to open to the plane i was first in line ready to go, SO SO SO  happy to be finally securely on my flight to australia, after being so stressed out for hours. I could be excited about my mystery trip lol and relax and realize that everything worked out. I could almost taste the feeling of finally sitting in my plane seat. So much so that when they opened the door i rushed in. And the attendant told us there should be individual seats open in section C. I was walking in with erikka and i wanted a good seat, out of what was available. I found one in the row next to erikkas and it was an aisle seat. I was so excited cause it was a long flight and i didnt want to be squished by strangers. 

So i run in secure my seat and realize “oh shit i have my backpack, my polkadot, and my jacket but not my LUGGAGE” so i save my seat and walk back to the door because i know i mustve left it right at the entrance. But the plane was so ready to take off that they had already locked the exits and started moving. And my stomach dropped like, i was thinking i CANNOT go to australia without my stuff what the fuck no no no  no. And i told the flight attendants “please i know you have already been so patient with us and made many accommodations but i left my bag RIGHT there can you please open the door” and theyre like yikes like we started moving. There were two flight attendants helping me. The woman was convinced they could get the pilot to stop and turn around we had only gone three feet. And the man kept saying the pilot has been trying to start this trip for forever he already waited he wont turn around.

And i was SIIICCKKKKKKK 

But i get it.....leave the bags, catch the elevator. 

I’m just so confused as to why Australia