#billy hargrove deserves better
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It's hard. It should be easy, but it's not.
Neil isn't around. The small apartment is all theirs. Steve's and his home.
It's like Neil's haunting him. He lurks in every corner. Whenever Billy wants to take a bath, he yells at him not to waste fucking time and water. If Steve wants him to stay in bed, he shouts at him for slacking off.
It's 6 a.m. on a Saturday. Billy isn't tired anymore. He'd love to stay in bed, to watch Steve drool onto the pillow and listen to his heartbeat, for their warm limbs to stay entangled a little longer.
He can't. Neil's there, in the shadows, in all of his memories. He's tainted, he's useless, he's nothing, he'd better move his lazy ass.
It's 6 a.m. on a Saturday and Billy wants to crawl back under the blankets and cuddle. Instead he's in the kitchen, scrubbing the tiles. They're clean, but he can't stop. Not when Neil's right behind him, pointing at the spot where Max dropped blue paint a few weeks ago when they were painting the cabinets. It won't come off. Billy knows that.
"Billy?" Steve's voice is muffled, like he's still asleep. He stands in the kitchen, hair covering his eyes, barefooted.
Billy's heart twists and turns. Steve looks so vulnerable, so precious. He never thought he'd get to see him like this.
"Just cleanin'," he mumbles. "Go back to sleep, Steve."
"You cleaned yesterday," Steve points out, rubbing his eyes. "Come back to bed, babe."
The pet name feels like an embrace. Billy's skin tingles. Neil's still shouting at him, but it's like someone turned the radio's volume down.
"But-" he tries, because he can still hear him. Or maybe he just remembers him. God, he's fucked up. He chews on his bottom lip.
"We could eat from the floor," Steve says. "You know that."
Billy stares at the shiny kitchen tiles and the stain of paint. Neil starts to get louder again - when Steve crouches down next to him and presses a kiss against his temple.
"I wanna sleep and I'm cold without you," he complains.
Billy's cold without Steve, too.
"Let's warm you up then," Billy says. Loud enough to drown out Neil's screams.
It's 6 a.m. on a Saturday and Billy slips under the blanket. He buries his face in the nape of Steve's neck. His boyfriend is already asleep.
Billy listens to his soft snoring. Besides that, it's silent.
He closes his eyes. It's hard, but maybe it will get easier, one day.
#domestic boys#harringrove#billy x steve#billy hargrove#harringrove ficlet#steve x billy#billy hargrove deserves better
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Billy, who has only ever known a life of ‘use or be used’ comes to Hawkins, Indiana with exactly one plan.
To get the fuck back out.
But see, the problem is that that takes money. Money he definitely doesn’t have.
The first night in his new room, he doesn’t bother to unpack. No, he sits on the floor by his bare mattress and he plots.
It’s not worth the risk trying to steal from Neil. Can’t escape this shithole if he’s fucking dead. Getting a job and actually managing to keep the money without his father finding out would be… difficult.
Bored housewives would probably be willing to shell out gifts for the privilege of a quick fuck to forget their balding, miserable husbands. It wasn’t much, but it was a thought to consider.
He leaves that half finished plan open in his brain when he goes to his first day at Hawkins High, only to have the page ripped up and burned at the first sight of one Steve Harrington.
Bored and- seemingly- apathetic pretty boy with absent parents and a big house. Considerably more his type than some desperate midwest housewife with sickly sweet perfume and a simpering voice.
And clearly rich.
By the second week of classes, Billy has caught Steve’s eyes lingering on him a few too many times.
So starts what would become both the only thing that mattered to him, and the worst thing he’d ever do.
His usual charm doesn’t work on Steve, so he goes the other way. Taunts him, a bully pulling on his pigtails until one day Steve snaps and kisses him behind the gym until Billy almost forgets why he’s doing this entirely.
At first, he feels no guilt in it. They don’t talk feelings, it’s just good fucking sex and Steve apparently loves to give gifts.
Gifts that are too thoughtful. Too knowing.
First aid supplies. Clothes. Buying him expensive dinners to make up for the nights Billy was sent to his room without a bite to eat the entire day, even if he didn’t know that.
Billy starts to become more aware of his plan as the days, then months slip by. He thinks of all the times Steve has given him money for gas or other things, how Billy has lied to him. How all that money is stashed away, just waiting for a chance that he can disappear into the night like an asshole outlaw.
Steve becomes his boyfriend and the guilt sits heavy and sticky in his gut. He starts to second guess what he’s been doing.
Billy doesn’t say he’s in love, not even when Steve does. He knows he is- has fought against it with every fibre of his being the whole fucked up way down- but he can’t bring himself to say it when his escape is on the horizon.
He comforts himself by telling himself Steve will forget about him. Move on and marry some docile stay-at-home wife who wouldn’t push his buttons the way Billy did.
But then, late one night, Steve says it again while he’s pressing Billy down into the mattress. And Billy- emotionally taken apart by a particularly bad day at home- crumbles. His eyes fill with tears and he says it back in a fit of weakness. The first time he’s ever said those words to someone.
I love you too.
That’s when his plan starts to fall apart. It’s become annoyingly apparent that he can’t escape this. Doesn’t want to. Steve has become his escape.
So even though it feels like pulling teeth, he starts to empty his stash. He buys Steve gifts now, because spending it on him makes him feel less vile. Takes Steve out on dates.
He finally feels a sense of relief when it’s gone, even if he says goodbye to California mournfully in the same thought.
It’s easier to be around Steve after that, even if a trace of the guilt always lingers. Easier to say he loves him when he isn’t constantly ready to say goodbye. Easier to open up to him.
He finally tells Steve the truth about Neil, and the first thing Steve does is offer him a place in his home if he needs to run.
Billy loves him. He feels free for the first time in his life. He’s happy.
And that’s when Steve finds out the truth.
#billy hargrove#steve harrington#harringrove#billy x steve#billy antis dni#billy hargrove deserves better#minor angst#miscommunication#harringrove ficlet#steve x billy#🌌 — a s t e r#🌌 — w r i t i n g
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Billy and Max & their siblings dynamic that not everyone understands
#billy & max#listen if you dont get their dynamic you never have a siblings or live in a dysfunctional fucked up family#billy hargrove#max mayfield#some sad stuff today for the feels#incorrect billy hargrove quotes#incorrect max mayfield quotes#hargrove-mayfield siblings#harringroveera#billy hargrove text post#billy hargrove deserves better
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Calm Down, My Love - B. H.
Warnings: Talks of anxiety, panic attack, what?, not proof read and finished at 4 am
A|N: Yeah, I don’t know what I did here. I just know I need this lol.
It was normal for Billy to get like this. Hands shaky, even as he tried to put a cigar into his mouth his hands weren’t really in his control as they shook in their movements while he tried to move them up to his face, making him miss his target a few times. Chest trembling, if you saw past his charm, past his seemingly confident filled smirk and actually observed his body language, you could see how his body trembled slightly as he moved around, even after a time passed from his loud actions, his chest still seemed to flutter with nervousness. Fast Breathing, it wasn’t long after all the hype calmed down that he started to breath faster, he could hear his blood pumping rapidly into his heart as it boomed loudly in this ears.
He always got like this when he did something in front of a bunch of strangers, always felt his nervousness spike up — but he never showed it. He didn’t know why he continued to do this to himself, perhaps because he was so used to it no matter what, maybe it was to cause himself pain because he deserved it, or maybe it was to try and remove the traumatic pain his father has given him throughout their years being forced together.
He didn’t exactly know — or maybe he knew, he knew it was for all those same reasons that he continued to broad himself so carelessly and without calm in front of others. In front of the people he would never really call friends, in front of the many eyes that made him want to sink his nails into his skin to rip it off in disgust.
But when he was done with his ‘show-offs’, you’d always come through.
“ It’s okay, Billy, It’s okay. You’re fine, it’s just you and me. “
The scent of you shampoo, the gentle hands rubbing so gently at his back while his own arms wrapped around you. Even your quiet words that were so clear away from the loud booming of music. These few things always calmed him down in the end. You, you always knew how to calm him down in the end. And that’s one of the many reasons why he loves you.
“ Calm down, my love, you’re safe. “
He loves you so damn much.
#billy hargrove x reader#billy hargrove x you#billy hargrove drabble#stranger things#billy hargrove#billy hargrove deserves better
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"fanon billy is completely different from canon billy"
yeah because fanon billy has everything that canon billy never got.
you know:
a chance to escape from his abusive dad
the support system he needed
AND A FUCKING CHANCE TO GROW AND CHANGE
like damn sorry we're giving an abuse victim who suffered his entire life what he fucking deserves because the duffel bags didnt
#billy hargrove#i hate billy antis#billy hargrove fandom#dacre montgomery#billy hargrove stan#billy hargrove deserves better#fuck the duffers#billy hargrove kinnie
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Every time I see Billy, I’m struck by how clear it is that he’s never known kindness. Look at this gif when El finds him in the in between. El is so gentle with him, and look how he responds.
He’s shocked that she actually came to find him, that she’s concerned, that she’s asking him to let her help. You can see the tears in his eyes, the way his expression changes from “don’t think about anything, just stay numb” to complete shock that someone is being kind to him. But there is also a moment of “no, you can’t be here, he’ll find you”
And look at this scene in the mall, one we’re all intimately familiar with by now. Look, he’s crying again. And look how he just melts into her hand, because she’s being kind to him. She understands.
Look at all of this, then tell me that this is not the face of a boy, a mere eighteen years old, let me remind you, who has known nothing but violence and cruelty for far too long. Tell me that this is the face of a monster who deserved a slow death that left him confused, terrified, and in agony. Look and tell me that this is a person who finds joy in cruelty and not a child who has been taught that cruelty is the only way to live, who is desperate for any sort of control outside of a home where he is constantly hurt and treated like the muck on the bottom of his father’s boot.
Tell me that he deserved what he got and worse, because surely if you spit the same vitriol over and over again, it will change something to those who didn’t see a monster but a person who deserved better than the ending his writers saw fit to give him.
#billy hargrove#stranger things#stranger things analysis#billy hargrove deserved to be saved#billy hargrove deserves better#my posts#don’t tag this as a ship pls
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#billy hargrove#stranger things#billy hargrove rp#dacre montgomery#pro billy hargrove#billy hargrove deserves better#metallica#unforgiven#Spotify
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"Billy's trauma would've never let them be real siblings".
No, Neil would've never let them be real siblings.
Just because you have trauma, it doesn't mean you're incapable of having emotional ties to others.
We aren't dead inside, for fuck's sake.
#yes someone actually said those words#billy hargrove#billy hargrove deserves better#billy hargrove deserved to be saved#also its literally canon that neil is the reason behind everything#'billys trauma'#just say his abusive father jfc
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I'll never understand the purpose of painting certain characters like Nancy Wheeler and Billy Hargrove out to look bad in fanfiction/fanon. Either I see people making them into abusers or claiming they're homophobic, or in Billy's case saying he'd "call your fav/you a slur" or "hate crime your fav/you".
Nancy isn't homophobic. Using her parents as "evidence" to support your weird head canon is anti's behavior repeated. It doesn't make you any better if you don't call her an abuser, but you proceed to say that she's both homophobic and a cheater. You don't have to make posts about it. You might use her as a device in harringrove fanfics where she's in the way of Billy and Steve getting together... when she's: canonically dating Jonathan and currently has no romantic interest in Steve. She wasn't the one who came up to him with this dream of six nuggets. When Billy entered the show, Steve and Nancy's relationship was already on the rocks. She was never an obstacle for harringrove.
Chrissy was never an obstacle for steddie, either. But that ship made into one. Why do you view female characters as interferences to mlm ships? Why do headcanons about lesbian/bisexual/aroace Nancy bother you so much that you feel the need to constantly complain about it?
This next part goes for antis of both Nancy & Billy: the character you are bitching about is not canonically accurate, so you might as well be making an original character up.
#billy hargrove#nancy wheeler#nancy wheeler deserves better#billy hargrove deserves better#when steve does it it's a breeding kink#just wondering if yall would say the same if it were the other way around#it was fucking creepy lmao#steve knew nancy was with jonathan and he still told her that shit#the duffers truly are incapable of writing shit that's not creepy#the actual canon ships are dull and/or toxic#interesting
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Billy stares at the thing that just fell out of the Byers' fridge.
Steve Harrington clears his throat. "I can explain."
"He doesn't need to know," the kid with the curly hair that just screamed "kill him" at Harrington.
"I can see it," Billy sneers. There's a bitter taste in his mouth. "What the fuck is going on?"
"Monsters exist," Steve tells him.
Billy thinks of belts and responsibilities.
"No shit," he growls. "Why are you hiding one in the fridge? Or are you going to eat it?"
"Gross." Max makes a face.
"No, they are dangerous. We… have to fight them," Steve says awkwardly. "There are a lot of them."
No way- and that doesn’t explain shit.. Billy raises a brow and wipes the blood from his nose. "You can't even throw a punch, Harrington."
"Steve killed one with a baseball bat," Henderson announces like a proud soccer mom.
There is an image of Harrington holding a bat, sweaty and shirt torn, showing off his abs, popping into Billy's head.
Fuck. He inhales, tries to sell embarrassing excitement for disbelief. "Don't really see it."
The kid gasps loudly, probably getting ready for a whole monologue about Harrington's heroism, when Steve interrupts him.
"Look, I know it’s all fucking crazy and surreal. But there are more. We need to go… and we could use some… help." There's a crooked smile on Steve's lips. Billy's pulse rushes in his ears.
"Not his!" Dustin protests. "He's dangerous."
"He's right here," Billy growls. He's not helping anyone who talks to him like that.
"Guys," Sinclair says. "As much as I hate it, Steve has a point.“
"Lucas!" Henderson pouts. One great thing on a fucked up night.
Maybe it's what waits at home that's way more terrifying than the dead monster on the floor, maybe it's Harrington's stupid pretty dimples, that make Billy say the next words.
"Yeah, looks like you losers could use some help."
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The things I’d do to have someone tell Billy this, just once, that he’s not alone, that they’ll be there for him.
When I rewatched the show at this scene, I couldn’t help but think what could have happened if Joyce had the chance to tell Billy this just like how she’d told Jonathan, then maybe things would have turned out differently.
#billy hargrove#all he needed was a hug#and have someone told him he’s not alone that they love him#that he isnt damaged and isnt broken and he deserves love#but he didnt have that did he#billy & joyce#this is the real deleted scene wdym#incorrect billy hargrove quotes#harringroveera#billy hargrove imagine#billy hargrove headcanon#billy hargrove au#billy hargrove deserves better#billy hargrove meme#joyce byers#billy hargrove text post#billy antis dni#billy hargrove edit
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Gentle Touch - B. H.
Summary : Just a peaceful and quiet moment where billy is being comforted and loved.
Warning: not proof read 😢 , super soft
She ran her fingers gently through his beautiful golden locks. Caressing the outside of his ear before doing the same with his cheek.
He sighed quietly, rubbing his face against her stomach as they slept side ways on her bed. Body relaxed and anything he used to worry about gone from his shoulders as he enjoyed the kind scent of his lover. Billy really loved these moments the most.
The little moments he had with his kind girlfriend. It was weird at first, having these moments. He was always on guard, tense, afraid that she would … hurt him some way even though he knew she never would and would always try to keep to himself in these intimate moments with her because of what his father always told him when he acted this way but — he was so fortunate, so lucky to have landed someone as kind as her. Though — most of the times he thought of how he didn’t deserve her at all, but he still relished these moments. These heart warming moments.
Billy loves this. They didn’t have to talk, they didn’t have to have sex, they didn’t have to do anything besides cuddling quietly. Her presence had him like this after they’ve been together for a while now. And after a while of long awkward hugs, he was finally able to be comfortable with her enough to even do this with her. She was able calm his fiery temper with just a touch of her smaller hand on his back as well now. And she calmed him the most when they hugged like this and just lazed around in her room.
He hummed against her stomach and rubbed his head again her stomach again, his hair tickled his cheek as his eyes kept closed and arms stayed wrapped around her medial body while she had an arm under her head and the other moved to continue to touch him lovingly.
“ m’love ya “
He whispered quietly against her, body warm against her own as he sighed in content, he wish they could stay like this forever really.
She smiled down at him, bending her back a little as she kissed the top of his head as much as she could, happy that billy was like this with her, even if it took a while to get him to relax with her like this, it was all worth it to have him this comfortable.
“ love you, billy “
She spoke with a soft voice, caressing his back kindly with her hand as he smiled against her. Yeah, his lovely love truly had a gentle touch.
#billy hargrove x reader#billy hargrove drabble#atranger things#show#tv shows#fanfic#billy hargrove deserves better#billy hargrove#why is billy so beautiful
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"el was alone when she was abused but she's nothing like billy"
i beg to differ on that bestie
for starters, you're ignoring the most significant factor
el was able to escape from the lab and has a loving family now
the biggest thing that el and billy have in common is that both of them lash out in anger and violence
el hitting angela with the roller skate after being pushed to the brink and billy hitting steve with the plate after being backed into a corner
also not to mention that throughout the entire montage of el discovering billy's past you literally see her cry for him.
why you may ask?
because she knows EXACTLY what it's like to be alone, to have an abusive dad and to have a mom that's not present
although the difference between terry and billy's mom is that terry is brain dead and billy was abandoned by his mom
#billy hargrove#not tagging el for obvious reasons#billy hargrove fandom#i hate billy antis#billy hargrove stan#dacre montgomery#billy hargrove deserves better#billy hargrove kinnie#pro billy hargrove
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One of these days someone needs to write a fic about Billy interacting with the rest of the teens and he honestly thinks that everyone’s dad is just as shitty as his, because on some level he’s been taught that it’s normal for parents to treat their kids the way Neil does.
He’s not really thinking when he lets something slip. He doesn’t realize until he notices that the entire group is just staring at him in horror. And he backpedals at first, but Jonathan or Eddie (because these boys have experience in that area) pull him off to the side and ask him if there’s something going on that he hasn’t told them. And he has this slow realization of “is that not normal?”
Word about Neil spreads throughout the Party (probably because Mike was eavesdropping and has a big mouth) and in a matter of days every parent in the Party is sending extra food home with Billy, and multiple people have offered to let him crash on their couch if need be. Wayne and Hopper are both doing their best to be fatherly without, you know, making it obvious.
Just,, Billy having someone on his side!
#billy hargrove#stranger things#eddie munson#jonathan byers#tw abuse mention#my posts#someone give this boy a hug pls#billy hargrove deserves better
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