#besides myself and my best friend
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i think about this clip every day this caught me and my friend so off gaurd it was so funny
#i remember literally yelling out ‘LON CHANEY???’#i was not expecting that#lon chaney and conrad veidt have both been on spongebob. who is the target audience for these#besides myself and my best friend#the phantom of the opera#the phantom of the opera 1925#lon chaney
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hate going for christian weddings sometimes because i always see the prettiest women with the ugliest men, the sermon is always some shit about wives being slaves (but not like bad slavery, mutual slavery except the husband is a benevolent master which makes it okay) and making babies for their husband, the music is always lame, the mc is always weird and obnoxious, and older women keep fucking asking me when it's gonna be my turn and never take no for an answer.
#mine#personal#brief storytime in the tags#one of my family friends got married and i was happy she was happy#her parents are like an aunt and uncle to me#i was happy to share that moment with them#we cried and laughed together#and my friends#their other daughters were on the line and looked gorgeous#it was just beautiful watching us all grow up in a way and move on to “the next” together#BUT#im a pastor's kid#and my dad loves weddings#he drinks them in whenever he can now especially because they make him happy and he's had to attend a lot more funerals this year#he's been burdened a lot by how many people he's had to bury and how many hospital visits he's had to do#so i was happy to see him happy too#it just all felt so bittersweet to me#because i know how badly my parents want this for me and for themselves#there was a daddy-daughters dance at some point and i could feel my dad beaming beside me watching that#and i was a little sad about it because i was like im never gonna give you that#this could be the best thing i could ever give you and i will never give you this#i can never kneel at an altar in front of a pastor and swallow that sermon#i would never marry a man in my generation#if i married a woman you and almost the entire tent filled with people that watched me grow up would not attend#my happiest day would be another funeral for you#it was worse because im kind of a small celebrity in this community because of my parents and their siblings who are politicians#so people i barely knew kept coming up and asking me when it would be my turn and how they so looked forward to the day#and i was like i love that we're a community here and i missed the pestering of aunts since i left church#but at the same time i was glad to remember why i left#there is no freedom to be myself at all with them because all they do is project their beliefs and ideas on me because that's what children
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Damn, I always forget about comrade Entreri
#legend of drizzt#artemis entreri#friendship over w every other lod character. now artemis is my best friend#i am rereading thanks for asking#i kinda put the series down after the hunters blade trilogy bc i had other things going on#im tired of having lolth's warrior blocked#i wanna know why everyone's so sad!#(as if i havent spoiled myself already but thats beside the point)#i also know somethings about generations but only the parts w zaknafein#whoops#also yes im aware entreri isnt actually a communist king (tm)#which i feel i need to say just bc some people on this site are weird but not in a fun or sexy way
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in other words its my ex-bsf's birthday today and I am in no mood to wish her and idc how petty or immature that makes me
#i feel like 2 years is a long enough time to dwell on it and honestly#if she's not interested in keeping in touch/patching things up fine#but im not going to make myself into some idiot and try to do it myself#besides i feel like ive rmb her birthday more than she has mine#and sometimes i think she only rmbs mine cuz its a few days after hers#and also we have a mutual friend who she is still in touch with so maybe she just doesnt want to stay in touch with me#which is fine#this is so bitter and so mean to say but 2 years ago one of us graduated w a perfect score so#like im too busy excelling and moving towards better things in life and having way better friends to be hung up on her#and this kind of makes me feel like im pretty close to getting over her entirely but part of me feels like its not the healthiest way#rn my coping mechanisms are very 'IM the best thing at this party' coded but its fine#anyway ill be girlrotting to i miss you im sorry for the rest of the day :))) lovesick all over my bed indeed
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In my...✨ depression bed ✨ phase <3
#vent#oho five hours babeeee hungry AND hot AND depressed?? what is this?? my birthday?#hahaha yeaap. it’s cool it’s cool I’m chillin#just vibin. head feels. weird. but I don’t entirely know what up with that it could be a few things if I’m being honest lol#hmmgf when was the last time I just. laid here this often?#laid? layd? layed?? whatever lol#hmm I found a fuckin uhh. vent diagram thing that showed BPD ASHD and Autism and their specific traits and overlaps#is uh. uhm. too close!! like sir!! who gave you!! permission!!!!#oofy anyways uhmmmmmm. realized that I!! don’t interact with people!! as much as I did when I was younger!!#like I had my classmates. my friends. my family. the ppl on tumblr and stuff. yknow#I was talking to someone and shit like!! every day!! for multiple hours!! a day!!!!#now it’s like. wow boy howdy. what are the chances I y’all for more than an hour with LITERALLY ANYONE today :)#uhhghgh gross ew ew nasty. I totally. don’t care that I’m not getting my enrichment#I’ll jus read tags on my art and look through old messages in place of actually. talking to anyone#mmm. conversations hard. hate talking about myself. don’t know anything besides myself. hate certain topics (but won’t say anything bout it)#anndd yeaa!! I don’t understand ppl and their motives and why they like me specifically. I put on my best personality for youu#I’m playing off of you and mirroring how you act so you’ll be ok with me <3 but that’s ok I suppose. I don’t think anyone here is out for my#guys so I’m doing good at least somewhat lol. ahmm. you ever not care about being something special to someone else. and then they kindaa.#squash that idea? and in theory you shouldn’t care since you didn’t want it in the first place but. them saying it hits? different? like oou#oh and question I don’t expect anyone to answer. you ever cried cus. someone aid you were their friend? best friend specifically? idk man#2 ppl have said I’m their best friend an I had to literally force myself not to get emotional at the first one and then I legitimately cried#with the second one LMAO like. how ridiculous is that yea? yeah#it’s. yeah. I’ve called ppl my bffs or whatever before but. it’s different when someone says it to you first ig. before I think they only#gave me the label out of convenience. not that we weren’t actually friends (at least I hope we were DHHDV) but. idk!! I literally yearned#for like!! basic shiittt!! I got put in time out like beginning of kindergarten cus I cried over my 1st best friend partnering with a new#girl instead of me!!! 😭 woof. that was the ONLY time I ever cried in public EVER. didn’t matter how many time I got hurt physically or#emotionally or how stressed I got or how confused or embarrassed and humiliated I was!! I’m NEVER letting people look at me like I’m stupid#for caring EVER. AGAIN. woof ok getting off the rails here I was like at least sort of ok when I started writing this but now I’m very much#NOT lololol so uhhhhhhhhhhh. anyways. let you get back to scrolling or swiping or whatever. I’ll be finnee totally. just. here
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I want to feel magic from the world again
#personal#i thought it was gone before#was hopeful it would return#but now i feel stuck#life feels dull unless there is chaos or extreme depression#or little moments taking photos of my best friends and her children while she smiles#i almost miss being the type of depressed where the little things kept me afloat#walking home from work with no trust in the world besides watching the birds fly over the field by the roadside during sunset#i could always look towards the field and envision myself dissolving into dust#getting swung around in the vortex the wings created#eventually finding rest on the crisp grass#maybe being blown around a few times more by a mower or other various equipment#maybe being devoured by small creatures searching for their daily food#it sounded so peaceful then#but now i look at the field from the passengers side of a friends car and feel so disconnected and calloused
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When you get hit by a random powerful wave of nostalgia for like your first fandom ever
#brb gonna rewatch all of teen titans (after i do work for 7 hours sob)#my brain today is like: yo. you should draw a modern redesign of joey#because besides beast boy (ofc - BEST boy) he's my favourite character and so underrated#disabled icon?? who is also kind of traumatized and caught between good and evil?? the son of a villain?? why does no one remember jericho#like?? does anyone remember him??? hello??#sometimes teen titans comes back and hits me in the face y'know. happens a lot.#i had to take out my 18 year old beast boy figure for emotional support after writing this asdfgfdfs#do it for her - except it's a plastic beast boy from 2005 with chewed bits#also 18??????? years old???????????#one time i left him out in the sun and he started to bend like jelly bc he almost melted and that was my first panic attack#i thought he was gonna DIE and i was prepared to go with him#my asshole friend at the time also pulled his hand off (it does not naturally come off) and my nana hot glued it#- second panic attack right there.#i do not have a jericho action figure unfortunately. i don't think they ever made them. BUT i did make a doll of him myself.#the 7 year old beast boy fan to genderqueer adult pipeline is STRONG.
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i really want to be one of those beautiful girls who always have impeccable hair and natural-looking makeup but the truth is most days i truly don’t have the desire to put anything more than the bare minimum into my appearances
#i’m pretty simple tbh#i have great fashion taste (and am willing to admit it hehe) and i like to look good so i put care into choosing what clothes to wear#but i never really cared at all about makeup besides lipstick and eyeliner#(my best friend who is one of the most beautiful people i know would always wear black eyeliner and mascara and i just loved the look)#on a good day i accept myself the way i am but other times it’s hard to feel beautiful#i don’t know why but the thought of having to set aside time to do my makeup every day make me cringe a little bit inside#and then i see my little sister and my cousin and so many other girls and i’m like ‘belle you gotta step it up for people to start seeing yo#you differently and as more attractive.’#i remember when i was Little enough for my mom to do my hair every morning (and i had long hair) she would do all these fancy braids with it#and after a while i’d just… had enough of the fancy hairstyles. no more sitting still while someone braids my hair for me#so i got a shoulder-length haircut and never looked back and i’m FINE with just wearing my hair loose and natural every day now#but it’s quite think & dry & curly so it’s not always that easy#anyway traditional beauty standards SUCK#it shouldn’t be like that but it is. and i think a lot about the notion of ‘femininity’ and especially feminine beauty standards that are pl#placed on hispanic women and wonder just how much of that was passed down to me through my mother#i swear i will get a pixie cut and/or keep my hair short even if it is partially out of spite#belle speaks#this post is sponsored by tiktok LMAO
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JU G GY
#me#idc idc these folks deserve good press#100/10 ultimate hydrohomie item#I'm crying. im beside myself. this is my emotional support water tower. hes my best friend
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I literally had a dream about reading the worst fan fiction like fucking ever kiryu was just randomly a yandere and nishiki was trying his best to survive also kiryu turned into a dragon (deez nuts) halfway and let nishiki kill him for being a bad boy but he was so upset about having to kill his bro that he just lay in the corpse for a bit and thats when i decided to stop reading and i literally opened tumblr in my dream to complain about how bad it was like the writing went back and forth from being terrible to incredible and i found myself enjoying some parts and despising others. I skipped the first few chapters so i had to tab back out and read the summary like why are they in a beach resort and the summary didnt just tell me nothing but it was also double spaced between each line and very fucking irritating and while reading it i kept thinking this is extremely ooc and boring like they would not fucking say that
#Listen to my problems#i cant stress enough that i dont even ship them why did i read a sex fic about kiryu and nishikiyamer#like i believe they are the bestest of friends forever and ever and like as hotblooded young men growing up together they must have tried a#few sex moves on each other at least once but i dont think they see each other as romantic prospects. like unlike majima and saejima#(seajima) who are literally together all the time and will never travel anywhere without the other unless its to prison. kiryu and nishiki#have this understanding that eventually theyll have to part ways and find their own path. while they would always remain in each others#hearts and thoughts they knew that they couldnt be holding hands forever and besides they have to focus on getting kazama to the top not#each other !! so nishiki was very happy that kiryu was getting his own family soon even if it meant that kiryu was getting ‘ahead’ of him#and kiryu who can accept consequences for himself but no one else was just like um ... well nishiki please give me the gun and take yumi#your sister needs you or whatever <3 i am definitely expendble and prison life is for me yayy yayyyy i love going to jail so nobody can talk#to me ever again. i keep asking myself how difficult it would have been for kiryu to just pop in by the hospital every now and then to check#in on nishikis sister. its not like he cant take care of her. its not like he doesnt know how to earn money. he just straight up thinks that#nishiki is better than him so he should be the one to get locked up ... because nishiki can take care of yumi and i straigh up forgot his si#sisters name and reina and kazama without him. and nishikis like damn i wish kiryu was here so bad (looks at his wwkd bracelet) hm think ill#go insane. i literally forgot what my original point was but that fic was so bad guys im so glad it doesnt exist#in it kiryu was trying his best to keep nishiki in one place and he kept being very. well kiryu was just kiryu but he kept apologising#saying things like you cant leave yet ... and looking at him with his big sad eyes and nishiki would always be like f-fine ... (he doesnt#like it here) also nishiki was one hell of a princess type and had a nurse costume on at some point which means the yakuza server nishiki#propoganda is working on me. very weird. love the part when kiryu was randomly a big dragon because he utterly filled the hallways of their#little beach shack and his scales were nice and soft and he was lovely. little guy
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Does the happy family participate in Prank Day?
not really, soury
#imma be honest here (as always)#i dont really care for april fools? its way too gringo for me#we christian latinos (speaking generally since i dont consider myself christian) have our own april fools called the innocents day#in december#its more of a commemoration of the babies that got killed when they were trying to kill jesus#besides i dont even care about that. my best friend was born on innocents day just like my brother was born on valentines#thats the tess lore of the day#the only gringo festivity i enjoy is halloween#for the average latino everyday is a good day to torment your loved ones with pranks#tessa answers!
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I have 8 ? piercings and ears were the worst tbh!. septum heals pretty fast (but sucks if you kiss someone or eat big food the first two weeks). don't have eyebrow so couldnt tell you what that's like but ears are finicky and hard to take care of
For some reason i thought that ears would be the easiest ! Tbh im on the fence abt septum bc i have lots of colds and lots of bloody noses and im not sure i want to make them any grosser, even if id like them otherwise. One of my friends told me eyebrow wasnt bad at all and healed like a dream, so thats something
#i do love piercings but since i can't do them myself like i can with tattoos ive just not gotten them#besides earlobes#i mean i know u CAN do them urself#bc i pierced my best friends septum with a sewing needle when we were like 13#and it was very traumatizing for both of us lmfai#lmfao*
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.
#so#this whole week (past month) i'd been worrying (and lowkey complaining) about not having plans for new years (bc i used to spend it with-#my now ex best friends)#and my other best friends were busy/with family. and i honestly didn't feel like spending it with my own (for no reason in particular)#in the end one of my oldest friends told me i was invited to spend it with her+her bf. and so i went to her house and spent all afternoon-#there#but in the end i wanted to spend it better by myself- again for no particular reason besides wanting to be with myself only#so now it's 10:35pm on the 31st still and i'm back home. just pondering on the expectations of nye and-#the pressure of spending it with your loved ones or in general just surrounded by people#or doing something special. and while i'm a big advocate of little rituals etc etc- i think it's a little unfair to put that much pressure-#in one day. And in any case- i am one of my loved ones. and spending this night just by myself shouldn't be considered sad at all#i feel very at peace with my decision tbqh#personal#new year
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I can and will make everything about being trans
#mud rambles#thinking abt the tags i put in my last reblog#the concept has been heavily on my mind lately as I just started hormones last week#ive already cut off a lot of my family for being transphobic to me (and for being racist but thats beside the point)#but even with the family i do still have in my life. it's gonna be a big adjustment preiod because i Know theyre still pretending im a girl#all to different degrees but thats something you can feel. and also i found out last month that my mother has my deadname as#my contact number in her phone. after she's bragged to me about having told one of the family members I've cut off how ~easy it is~ to#call me by my correct name#so that combined with my incestual abuser having tried to convince me that i shouldn't medically transition because id no longer be#attractive. it's terrifying to me. it's bringing up these feelings I'd pushed away because i think in the back of my mind i never thought#that i would actually get this far despite all the effort and struggle ive been putting into finally getting to this point#im terrified the very few people i have in my life rn arent going to love me anymore#and i KNOW my partner and my remaining friends are going to be here and stay it's so hard to believe it#especially with obviously all the previous shit i mentioned but with having cut off my literal best friend of 7 fucking years not even a#year ago. because they no longer loved me after i fucking stood up for myself. it's hard#it's hard to trust again and to KEEP trusting the people in my life#idk idk like i said this has been hard for me#im genuinely the happiest ive been in my adult life but it's bittersweet because of everything ive been through to get here#ask to tag#oversharing#abuse mention#abuse ment#mm also... replies are okay but please dont reblog just in case bc tags are now public on posts LMAO
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_(:3 」∠)_
#so today marks a week (?) form when i called my (ex) best friend and she didn’t answer and i left a voicemail and ofc she didn’t answer that#not like i was expecting her to but yk a gal can dream so ya ig we’re not friends anymore. surprisingly i haven’t cried about (yet ik myself#i’ll cry but i thought it’d be sooner than later)#and i was talking to a mutual friend and she asked if i wanted her to talk to her for me and i decided no bc if she wanted to she would yk?#like it’s not by force and if she wants to be a coward and just act like our friendship meant nothing than i can’t control that i can voice#my hurt and pain but if that doesn’t move her than at least i said something right? it just succs bc i don’t use the term best friend let#alone friend lightly like we did commissions together with our fav characters like multiple!! like i don’t do that with just anyone#i have a poster in my room of a drawing my sister did for her christmas present last year that i colored and printed and and I GAVE HER MY#COPY OF WUTHERING HEIGHTS THAT I WROTE A BUNCH OF NOTES AND AND A LOVE LETTER LIKE IVE NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE AND AND#i told her about my social anxiety and ocd which i haven’t told Anyone (besides you guys <3) and not even my family knows and she can’t even#return my calls or texts and it’s like a slap in the face like it meant nothing to her like i opened up sm and it’s like it meant nothing to#her like i’m nothing i’m just this person that was convenient to be friends with but now IDK BC SHE WONT TALK TO ME#ok now i’m tearing up now and if i start crying it’ll be gross and noisy and i don’t want to cry rn#vk overshares in the tags
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