#because you can never have too much queer
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Queer secondary adolescence and Stolas
(I keep forgetting to put this up here)
Ok, so Stolas being teen dad is one of the reasons I get annoyed when people say he's too horny with Blitz. Or that his relationship is too dramatic and teenager-y.
He's a queer guy who never got to be a teenager, didn't get to have a first boyfriend, or explore who he was. Or do any of the normal stuff most straight teenagers get to do.
His family stuffed him in the closet, forced him to have child, and gave him an abusive wife as jailer.
(He around 36, with a 17 year old daughter. 36−17=19 when Octavia was born. Likely married at 18).
He's got some chatting up to do.
Up till now his whole life's been about Via, and mitigating Stella's abuse to hid it from Via.
That's left him barely hanging on, taking an increasing amount of antidepressants; and singing lullabies about not being sure he'll make it till Via's grown up.... 🙁
youtube
There's this thing called second adolescence that alot of queer people experience, when they come out later in life.
It happens when they're weren't allowed to do normal teenage things at the right age. So things like having crushes, go on first dates, have extremely anxious dramatic relationships. As well just be a normal horny teenager.
Stolas got to do none of that. So he's doing it now.
He's also pretty obviously an autistic guy (separate post), who didn't get well socialized as a child.
Blitz appears to have been his first and only really friend.
Stolas is not great at social cues. (He's so happy to be able to help with his special interest, but does realise his tone is upsetting Ozzie).
Even with Via he struggles to understand her. She needs to tell her dad flat out what she needs.
When she tries to be subtle, and snark he assumes it's just her being a moody teen. And that she'll enjoy loo loo land when she loosen up a bit.
Because of this lack Stolas mostly fills in gaps in his social experience with masking.
Such copying Gabriel hairstyle from helluva novella to get ready for his first ever date.
Following Blitz's lead of what to do in an uncomfortable situation.
And trying to match the energy of how Blitz first came on to him.
(He's definitely getting better at it from Blitz reaction).
There's also an idea in CBT called reparenting your inner child. Which about giving yourself some the support, and experiences you missed out on because of abuse.
Stolas needs to go through his secondary adolescence as part of his recovery from his abuse.
So let Stolas be a little horny weirdo. 😛
PS this one will brake you heart. Stolas is standing fully in both these pictures.
You can see how much he's grown by her light switch.
Kid hasn't even reached his full adult height yet when he had to have a kid.
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Eddie Diaz is a white Latino. Did people learn nothing from the Pedro Pascal discourse? And does the fandom *not* remember that episode where the funeral protestor refuses to be tended by Hen and Chim, so he asks Eddie to give him care— fully seeing he’s white— until Eddie says his last name is Diaz and his father’s Mexican, but he can channel his mother’s Swedish heritage for the man’s comfort? White people are not members of the global majority, but they do live and exist outside Western Europe and the U.S. (like Mexico).
It’s so weird how parts of the fandom are making any positive reaction to a m/m relationship in this show (that isn’t their yaoi ‘buddie’ fanfiction) into something about loving to see white men kiss. Y’all would still be getting that with canon buddie! Y’all couldn’t even support Michael and Glenn (calling them “homewreckers”). Y’all constantly ignore Hen and Karen with your complaints of “queerbaiting.” Y’all also called TK & Carlos’ (911 Lone Star) relationship “toxic” because it began with sex and because y’all fanon Carlos as some aggressive control freak. Like… c’mon!
I don’t think anyone who is supportive of Buck’s new relationship is arguing that Tommy is perfect. He’s was a fucking dick to both Hen and Chim when they joined the 118. His “delivery man” comment to Chim was wildly unacceptable. No one has forgotten this. Yet both Hen and Chim are *NOW* good friends with him…? Why? He changed. And the show shows the audience this. They show that he developed a great camaraderie with Hen and Chim. They show how he— unlike Sal and Gerrard— shifted his behavior and worldview to accept, embrace, and enjoy change.
Tommy could have been Sal. He could have been Gerrard. He had a good working relationship with both men and both men encouraged bad behavior in the 118. Yet he didn’t. He stayed on and befriended Hen and Chim (when most of the other guys still refused). Because he chose to learn and change and open himself to people’s differences (which likely also helped him come to terms with his own “differences”).
Tommy’s arc is meant to show how someone can make amends, repair relationships, and become a better person (y’know… learn, grow, and reform himself). The general audience for this show is straight and white. They *need* to see white people changing and learning to be better. They *need* to see queer people coming into themselves. These are important story lines.
Fans like Buck and Tommy together because they like Buck and Tommy together, because they like what this means for them and what might happen going forward. That’s literally it. We’re all just overjoyed by having more queer representation, including Bi representation. That’s it.
But there are a lot of “buddie” shippers in people’s inboxes hating on Buck and Tommy together for no reason other than it stands in the way of their ideal porn fantasies (“buddie”). And they’re being weirdly queerphobic about it, too.
Hi Anon!!!! So much to unpack here. I'll post this and let anyone comment their thoughts because this is an interesting conversation.
I'll start by saying that it never occurred to me that Ryan Guzman was not White, until Bucktommy became more popular and some Buddie shippers said that Bucktommy shippers were preferring the White MM pairing and I was like "Hmm.... both Buddie and Bucktommy are White MM pairings"???? Like it never even occured to me.
I'm not here to debate Ryan Guzman's ethnicity, he knows that better than us, but as you mentionned people seem to forget that there are White latinos.
I should add that Americans will maybe have a different perspective but in Europe, there is racism, and there is also xenophobia both are bad, but not the same.
If I'm talking about someone who is White and Latino being a victim of prejudice, I would never say that they're victim of racism, I would say that he's victim of xenophobia.
Believe it or not there are a lot of Europeans are xenophobic but not racist and vice versa.
With that being said, I agree with the rest of your ask..
I love 911 Lone Star and watched 911 casually but I never got the Buddie shippers, especially the ones who said they shipped Buddie as a form of activism, or because there was a lack of Queer representation (which is true) but Henren are there, TK and Carlos are right there and it's the same franchise.
They never cared about Henren, they even erased them whenever they accused the show of Queerbaiting even thought it has several Queer characters.
I remember when they started complaining that Bucktommy had more fics that Henren after one kiss.... but never said anything about Buddie having over 20 000 fics after 6 years of nothing even thought Henren was canon.
A lot of their takes are rooted in hypocrisy, it's like they're taking all the arguments that have been thrown at them and throwing them back at Bucktommy shippers without even thinking about it.
It's very important to have discussion about fandom racism, because it's a huge issue especially in the biggest fandoms but I do feel like some of them are bringing the issue in bad faith. This discussion is so important but it needs to be had with the Bucktommy fandom AND the Buddie fandom. So far the Buddie shippers only want the Bucktommy shippers to have it.
Why don't they take a look at the mirror first and ask themselves why they never cared about a Black Lesbian couple when one of them was a Main Character. Why don't they ask themselves why a ship with 2 best friends has over 20000 fics and a canon ship that is TK and Carlos only have 7000.
And why do they find the weirdest excuses to hate on Carlos (as you said), who's clearly not White and never give him the same courtesy they give their fave White chatacters.
When Buddie shippers talk about fandom racism, all I can think is: the call is coming from inside the house.
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These anons always expose themselves as never having another human connection because it is so damn obvious lmao. Relationships aren’t always the same. They each have their own pace, even straight ones. Did Bobby and Athena follow the same how to guide on a relationship as Chimney and Maddie? The answer is a hard no because (shocker) there isn’t one. Buck and Tommy have their own pace like every other and they are thriving with it. They really need to go out there and live their lives.
Also I recommend they learn what shock value means, because if you’re saying this about two characters that have been hinted at as being queer coded before, then it’s not actually shocking. The part that’s shocking to all of you is that Ryan did not want to play Eddie gay and the production or abc didn’t want to make it happen. If Buddie is so strong Tommy wouldn’t be needed as a stepping stone (according to the delusional ones).
THIS!!! I love a slow burn as much as the next person, but it’s rarely how things happen in the real world. It doesn’t make relationships less intimate or any less in general. They can still do a LOT with them if they really want to.
I’ve also always wondered if Ryan even wanted to play Eddie as Bi or Gay. Not that he doesn’t want to play queer characters or anything like that, but what if he doesn’t see that for Eddie? Seeing how Buddie stans hound the cast and crew constantly and how they slandered the show once upon a time due to the lack of interaction between Eddie and Buck, it would come off as nearly impossible for him to avoid the ship overall. So to make things easier on himself, why not roll with it? Who wouldn’t at that point?
Oliver said that he too has felt that there was more to Evan and would’ve loved to explore that side of him sooner, but Ryan would’ve been crucified if he ever stated how he didn’t feel the same for his character.
#bucktommy#oliver stark#lou ferrigno jr#evan buckley#evan buck buckely#tommy kinard#tevan#kinkley#bucktommyedit
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Hello everyone. I'm sure many of you seeing this post know what it's about, but for the ones that don't, yesterday I made a post saying, and I quote "Hey, this is your daily reminder that Riz is not canonically Aromantic! He is implied to be, and it's totally fine to hc that, but I've seen a lot of people stating he's aromantic like it's a fact, when that has never been confirmed! He is canonically Asexual tho, you can't take that away!" Since then, I have gotten called stupid, bigoted, and I have been told to kill myself. As anyone who read my bio knows, I am a seventeen year old high school boy who is just trying to get through AP exams.
I never wanted to start drama, and I've never had any bad intentions. I just wanted to clear up some common misinformation I saw. But it seems no matter how much I say that you can headcanon whatever you want and ask people to stop harassing people who have different interpretations of media than them, people only hear what they want to. I was asked what I expected to happen when I posted that, and honestly, what did I expect? Well, I didn't expect to be harassed by a community that I thought was full of love. We are queer DnD lovers, and I thought that would be the last group of people to hurt those who are different. I believed, perhaps naively, that my post wouldn't do much but encourage people to do their own research on what's canon.
Please do not take away the wrong message from this post. I am not asking for sympathy. I am asking for you, as a community, to do better. I don't hate anyone who has been a part of this mess. People are wonderful multidimensional beings with endless possibilities, and I choose to believe that everyone has good in them.
I am not perfect. I am sure there is a logical fallacy or two that I've had in my posts. I'm sure I've come across as too aggressive at some points. I'm sure that if any of these writings were submitted to the AP English exam I took today, I would've failed. I'm argumentive, extremely wordy, and not much to look at, but one thing I've always tried to be is kind.
I promise I tried to make sure everyone knew I was a safe space. Any opinions or headcanons you have are welcome and accepted as long as you respect other people. I have failed to make the community feel safe in my account, and for that, I ask your forgiveness.
Please do not search out or harass anyone who was related to this. If there's one thing I have learned from today, is that it can really mess with you. I love every one of you, even those who seem to believe I'm Satan himself. This was a learning experience for all of us, and I hope we can grow as people together.
And finally, to the person who told me to kill myself, I will not. I will live and I will be happy. I'll have a long, fulfilling life surrounded by my friends and family, and I will not let my opinions on a fictional goblin define me. Because I know I'm a good person and I hope one day you can say the same.
This will be my final post.
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The Notorious C-I-G
💌 🍄 📚 🏜️ 🐝 (you don’t have to answer this one if you don’t want, I already know it’s me 🤭)
Lemon...right?
💌 ⇢ how many unread emails do you have right now?
Darn you for making me look! 248!
🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings
Answered this one here and here but here is another: After Andrea met TK and really started opening up her heart and mind to Carlos being gay and in love with another man, she began seeking out queer art, books, shows, so she could learn more about the community her son is a part of. Carlos recommends and lends her things! I touch on this in my fic Wrestling Angels.
📚 ⇢ what’s the last thing you wrote down in your notes app?
I didn't have to say anything. He knew I was shaking.
🏜️ ⇢ what’s your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?
I love it when an aspect or overall theme leads a reader to discuss something and it gets a bit more personal and chatty. Fire Island and Sweet Dreams and Flying Machines led to comments in which people shared their memories and feelings about the AIDS crisis and about 9/11 respectively. I guess it makes it seem like the fic has a bit more 'social impact' in a way. It's quite amazing when that happens.
🐝 ⇢ tag your biggest supporter(s) and say one nice thing about them
Haha @lemonlyman-dotcom... right? You have been so supportive and friendly from the beginning - the beginning being pre-tumblr when you were leaving such lovely comments on my fics. When I saw you'd set up your tumblr I was so happy to be able to interact with you on here too. And now look!
And @thisbuildinghasfeelings - you were one of the first people I spoke to on here and your kindness and enthusiasm not just towards my writing is just incredible and I feel very lucky you're here.
@heartstringsduet your comment on Afterglow of a Supernova basically changed my life in that it made me instantly more confident in my writing, like it represented a turning point in how I felt about it, and you've always been in my corner. And you've made art for my fics???!!!
@goodways you have been so lovely about my fics I feel like I can never thank you enough and your comments always make me laugh and make me think. Your feedback always means the world to me.
@herefortarlos your enthusiasm for my fics, all fics and this fandom is a thing of beauty and so inspiring.
@welcometololaland you were one of the first people to ever tag me in anything and I remember it vividly because I couldn't believe it haha. Your comments are always so hilarious and make me feel like I've done something right, and without you I wouldn't have written I Was Thinking About Your Mouth, so I am forever grateful for that and for you being such a good sounding board when I complain about work!
@cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut mate, you are divine and the fact that you spend any time beta'ing my fics when they are still kinda hot messes is wild to me. Thank you as well for your kindness and generosity!
@im-overstimulated-and-im-sad you are a delight and your comments are like a balm to my soul!
@reyesstrand Also from really early on you were leaving such encouraging comments on my fics and including me in WIP tags and things and I'm so grateful and forever awestruck.
@paperstorm I always cherish in particular how incredible you were about Fire Island (and When Soulmates Swim recently!), and how you helped so much in my hour of need when the whole scary situation around Afterglow of a Supernova happened. Thank you!
There are other people too of course but I worry I'm banging on a bit too much like I'm at the Oscars and the music is going to play over me talking so I just want to wrap up by saying thank you to everyone who has read my fics and commented and left kudos - I've said it before and I'll say it again, it really does blow me away that you're giving your precious free time to my stories in that way.
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What’s your beef with Spotify?
It's less beef and more just a product I don't like - because that's what Spotify is, a product. They really don't want you to think of it that way, but at the end of the day it's particularly invasive product packaging around the thing you actually want to listen to, and there are dozens of different ways to listen to music. As far as gripes, though, number 1 is that it doesn't really pay its artists for shit and its objectively kind of shitty audio-quality wise (I'm not a snob on this, but depending on your hardware it can be especially crunchy while other things like Youtube sound just fine). Number 2 is how much it spies on you and tracks your data. Number 3 is the ads. Number 4, and the actual reason I will never use it, is that it's the enshittification of media consumption.
I do, actually, have a Spotify account. I used it for all of a day before never logging in again or verifying my email. Spotify forces you to experience music the way it wants you to, with absolutely no benefit aside from cloud syncing cross-platform for your playlists that I don't actually need, and I'm used to the freedom from the dawn of the accessible mp3 era.
Better Kind Of Best Friend is a single. I bought it as part of the entire The Sex Was Good Until It Wasn't album, so it came with the album artwork. I wanted it to have its single artwork - so I changed it. And now, in MusicBee and on my phone, I see the single artwork because it's in the file metadata. Spotify doesn't give you that option. It's a little thing, maybe, except when it isn't, like when a song's cover art is graphic or otherwise upsetting to look at, or just plain doesn't fit it.
Sometimes I don't agree with a song's "official" genre (usually because the entire album classifies the songs one way while they actually span genres). The range of things that are classified as indie rock is insane. Anyway, other times I use the genre more specifically, such as "Dark Pop", which isn't actually a thing but if I played you Dark Pop songs you would understand what I mean. In MusicBee, I can change genres to be whatever I want, which is important for various auto-playlists in filtering.
I also have a custom tag for any sapphic songs that automatically populates my lesbian love auto-playlist as they're defined, and another playlist that automatically adds all music from my custom-defined list of queer artists to the "Gay Life" playlist. When I buy a new Reinaeiry song, it automatically gets added without me having to do anything.
I can't listen to demos or any music that Spotify has lost licensing to on it, which means that if I want a complete playlist with a demo song on it, I have to have all those songs exported anyway, and at that point why am I bothering to split my listening across platforms? Idk if you heard, but Spotify lost licensing to a giant catalogue of Kpop music at one point because one company pulled out, and all those listeners were fucked. I don't have to wait for an artist to upload their shit to Spotify (although right now I am waiting for Reinaeiry to put Too Sweet up for download - pls queen - this is luckily more rare of an occurrence than me seeing "please add this to Spotify" comments is).
I like music I can keep forever, listen to whenever, and do so without ads or paying three figures a year to hear uninterrupted. I'd rather buy one album a month with the Spotify premium money than pay for it. I like creating folder after subfolder worth of an unlimited number of playlists (admittedly idr if Spotify allows this feature. It varies by online listening platforms and I don't bother to track the ones I don't use). I like being able to drag and drop my playlists from MusicBee into iTunes to instantly listen to them on my phone (and thus cross-play isn't a concern for me as long as I remember to synch my phone). I like the feature of being able to instantly and permanently adjust the volume, as well as the beginning and end point, of any single song I chose (super helpful for when certain albums are inexplicably quieter/louder than others or have a stupid incongruous music or dialogue part in them).
If I want to listen to something without actually getting it, then I do it on Youtube, which has a wider music selection with more control. Don't like album art? Find a lyric video upload with a generic nebula background. Weird movie sample at the beginning? Someone might have cut that out in their upload (shoutout to the person who turned DICTATOR into a part 1 and 2 to match the two different mood halves), but otherwise Sponsorblock will skip the non-music segments. The only downside of Youtube versus Spotify is I can't share the playlists without exposing my name, but again I actually create those playlists in MusicBee 99% of the time so I wouldn't be sharing a link anyway.
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Okay so I started drafting the slides for the school project on Wander Over Yonder’s messages on love and relationships. Can anyone say anything to change/add, or give advice for making it all sound more professional? (under cut bc long)
Quick descriptions of the main characters
Wander - A Star Nomad. Very impulsive, obsessed with helping people to a compulsive extent, optimistic, believes everyone can become better, actually very good at manipulating people but he only does so to help
Sylvia - A Zbornak (basically a horse). Best friends with Wander, much more grounded, sassy strong female character (but not in a shallow way)
Lord Hater - An “electrical skeleton man” (as phrased by the Evil Sandwich). An utter manchild, toxic masculinity, annoyed so badly by Wander that he can’t focus on anything else when he’s around and is constantly foiled by him, a villain more because he thinks it’s cool than having actual malice in his heart, not that he isn’t also sadistic (he has a remix of his victims screaming), a dictator basically
Commander Peepers: A Watchdog (eye people) Hater’s second in command, the actual brains behind their army, also has anger issues (napoleon complex, he’s short even for a Watchdog), attached to Hater in a queer-coded way
Appreciation
Wander and Sylvia constantly tell each other how much they love each other, and it’s really good to see that you can be so close and affectionate and not be romantically involved.
Communication
Wander and Sylvia aren’t actually always so good at communicating and listening. Wander is a very impulsive person, which can cause Sylvia a lot of strife as he drags her along with him. In the episode The Tourist, Wander gets into a competition with an elderly woman to see who can visit the most places throughout the galaxy. In his desperation to win the race, he deprives Sylvia of the experience of actually taking in the famous places they visit, and of being able to rest on the vacation planet they met the woman on. Wander has to learn to take things slow for her sake. In the episode The Void, they find themselves in a void where they can manipulate reality at will, and Wander messes around too much to the point of literally treating Sylvia like a puppet, briefly holding her from strings in a play setting. Wander would have been lost mindlessly messing around in that void for eternity if not for his friend, because she grounds him.
Communication (cont.)
Outside of those two, Wander and Lord Hater both fail to communicate with Lord Dominator, the main villain of season two. Hater falls for her just because she’s a girl, and Wander assumes he can manipulate them into falling in love to make them go good, again just because she’s a girl. They are both crushed when Hater finally lets down his walls and admits his love for Dominator, because she was never actually interested in dating, she just takes joy in destroying the galaxy, “I crush all your hopes and then I watch you cry” being in her villain song that immediately follows Hater’s love song. This teaches Wander he can’t just control everything everyone does, and that sometimes trying to do so without actually listening can lead to more heartbreak than reward.
Consent
In the episode The Boy Wander, there is a one-off character voiced by Weird Al, named Dr. Screwball Jones (he is a banana with a bowtie). His philosophy is that everyone should smile and laugh all the time, even against their will, so he goes everywhere tickling people. Wander may often influence people’s actions for what he considers the greater good, but he notes a stark difference between him and Dr. Screwball, with whom he has a past, where Wander believes you can’t force people to do anything.
Obsession and Jealousy
In the episode The Lonely Planet, they meet a sentient planet named Janet. Janet grows obsessive over Wander, him being the first person to show her kindness, and thus jealous of his closeness with Sylvia. She tries to break them apart, filling up Wander’s time with gifts and praise, while pushing Sylvia to the literal other side of the planet, and making her fall through a crack into Janet’s core. Consent is once again called into play, when Janet reveals to Wander that she’s taken and framed dozens of photos of him, refuses to let him leave, and tries to kiss him with the “lips” of a flower. Sylvia shows up right on time and saves Wander, but Wander insists on going back to comfort the now-alone Janet. In the end she ends up in a healthy relationship with her moon. It was good that this episode spoke on love vs. obsession, and that it’s unhealthy when someone tries to separate you from everyone else, but in real life people going back like Wander did is dangerous as they could get re-stuck in abuse. This was in season one, before they wanted to share the “some people can’t be helped” message as they did with Lord Dominator, though.
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anyways i finished the peripheral. had to come on tumblr to search stuff up about it immediately because what the fuck was that ending. found out amazon renewed and then canceled season 2. we are in the dystopia now
#my opinions:#lowbeer ROCKS she is literally so cool her vibes are IMMACULATE she is just amazing#style through the roof. charisma through the fucking stratosphere#the name lowbeer ALONE is just. so incredibly badass#then you add EVERYTHING ELSE ABOUT HER??? fucking fantastic#i love pretty much all the characters theyre all so unique and complicated and HUMAN#i had pretty much no clue what was going on plot-wise the entire last episode but thats fine cuz ill never get to find out anyway#!! :D!!.!!! ..#amazon can get fucked.#all the war buddies' relationships were so SWEET i loved them#flynne my beloved 💞💞💞💞#cherise's fashion game was UNTOUCHABLE my god. her vibes? impeccable. all of the women in this show are so gorgeous i cannot take it#also i could not help but envision a world where lev zubov's character position was instead fulfilled by a butch lesbian. same clothes same#-personality same story same everything. literally nothing changes except she's a hot snazzy murderous butch#because you can never have too much queer#also. on that note. flynne? bisexual as hell.#for that matter everyone's at least a lil bi just cuz i say so#i also loved tommy's little ''kill the bad guy(s) and immediately get fucked up about it'' arc#aelita got that ultimate lesbian rizz. oh my GOD#that scene with grace? 'whats her name?' 'its a he actually' 'oh you poor thing' i love her. do you get that? i love her so much.#is everyone this queer in the book because if so i NEED to read it#im gonna read it anyway but like thatll make me want to even more#aaaaand thus concludes my thoughts on the peripheral. for now anyway lol#magpie thoughts#the peripheral#the peripheral amazon
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I swear I have read your big post regarding Peter Parker's neurodivergence and why it is best to avoid labelling him, but he definitely has a weird brain
Can't find it and feel kinda sad about it cuz I deeply related to it
i know exactly which post you're talking about and i can't find it either! i've raked through my archive, and it's just - nowhere to be seen. i think tumblr eated it (it happens.)
really, tumblr's search functionality is so so useless, i don't know what to tell you. there are plenty of keywords i can search to find it that post, but the search functionality actually just does not work!
undiagnosed audhd-addled peter parker, my darling, my light, my life, my everything.
i think peter parker's such an interesting creature to write, because a lot of people will point to a certain behaviour about him and say "this is an autistic thing, right?" but a lot of those behaviours are actually, in my head, tied to certain traumas in peter's life too.
people say "oh, the food thing, peter's a picky eater because he's autistic" and yes, absolutely. but also it's tied to his trauma with his parents.
peter gets overstimulated, and yes, it's an autism thing, but also he was bitten by a radioactive spider and his senses are dialled to 11.
it's a similar case i've found for myself, too – where a lot of friends i have kind of diagnose me because i have autistic traits, but actually - i'm hesitant to claim the label or pursue diagnosis because, actually, i know where these certain behaviours come from, and they come from certain traumas. there are events i can pinpoint in my life and say "yep. that's where this behaviour comes from."
so - i think there's a lot of overlap between trauma and autistic traits. the brain is very complex! i think the reason for that overlap is maybe as simple as the fact that people with autism and people with trauma are both doing the same thing - developing behaviours to protect themselves or soothe themselves. so - i think it's nice to be able to see a character like peter parker, who may or may not be autistic, but recognise behaviours in him and see yourself in him.
people who go undiagnosed for whatever reason - people who are really good at masking - so good, in fact, that they have no idea they might be on the spectrum - everyone and anyone at all can look at peter parker and recognise themselves. because i think we discredit the thought that every single brain does the same thing! develops certain behaviours in order to survive. every brain has that same software - we've just all been faced with different hardships that we need to overcome, and that's were all the differences come in.
autism is a spectrum, i guess - everyone falls into it to some degree. and i think events in your life probably push you along on it. but i don't know, i didn't study brain science. probably what i'm saying is very stupid and uninformed. of course there's brain chemistry involved. but i know people in my life living with autism and certain events in their life have exacerbated certain behaviours or made coping with it a lot more difficult. so maybe trauma is a catalyst.
#a lot of my traits have been exacerbated lately and i remember it was much easier for me before#and some of my friends have said “oh it's because you've been masking too long and now you're facing autistic burnout.”#and that made sense to me i think.#but then i found out about the stress thing. me overproducing stress hormone. and that's a very physical thing.#and that explains why i've been overstimulated more than usual lately. and why everything feels like too much.#and i wonder how many of these traits of mine are going to subside once i have lamar removed#and it makes me wonder a lot of things. and it's so weird how much your brain is tied to your biology.#i wonder how much i'll change. i wonder how i'll feel. i wonder if i'll still feel like me. i wonder how much me is me right now.#and how much of me is being altered by weird freaky hormones. who am i?? who will i be??#i'm almost looking at this as like. a superhero origin story of some sort. like this is my spider-bite moment. maybe.#will i be different? will i cope with things differently?? now that my body isn't fighting something anymore??#maybe i'll be normal. i don't know. i don't know.#i don't know what it'll mean for me.#but all of these things mean i relate to peter parker in a certain kind of way#i don't think you have to be diagnosed with autism to recognise and empathise with those traits i think#i think everyone can see themselves in peter. and i think that's the benefit of having characters that aren't diagnosed.#because there's so much overlap in the human experience. and certain feelings aren't exclusive to just one group of people.#peter has such a rich identity actually. it's an autistic thing. it's a queer thing. it's a jewish thing. it's a trauma thing.#there are so many overlapping parts of peter's identity that inform who he is and how he behaves and it's never just one thing.#it's a product of all of his things.#just like me! just like everyone.#so me? i guess i can be a million things. you can explain what i am in a million different ways.#a hundred different psychologists can all come up with different ways to explain why i be the way i be.#i don't think it's something that can be simplified.#sorry wow. i'm really going off here in the tags.#i hope people don't think i'm stupid. i don't know brain science. i'm just philosophising as usual.#sci speaks
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thank you J.R.R. Tolkien for writing the most devastating romantic subplot in your lotr books without even realising it
#im talking about sam and frodo sorry everyone#guess who like watched all the extended films and cried#whether you intepret sam and frodo’s love platonically or romantically you have to understand that they are so entwined that it is#devastating nonetheless#the forehead kiss#im on the ground sobbing#dawgs it was such a real depiction of how trauma is irreversible and will change you entirely#frodo baggins#i love him so fucking much guys#i love those little hobbits#samwise gamgee#lord of the rings#i could and most likely will write an essay on this#samfro#dawg sometimes love can be both platonic and romantic as queer love is not to be constrained by heteronormative values#sorry did i read too far into the little fantasy story#dude i was not expecting a story about the horrific effects of war racism and power corrupt addiction when i sat down in front of the telly#jokes on the side frodo looking absolutely miserable at sam’s wedding is so fucking real#i get it’s because he knows he cant move on and he is forever changed by his trauma but also that hobbit gay#his wound from the witch king never healing being a symbolic representation of his trauma FUCKS ME UP#frodo you may have been a whiny bitch at times but like yeah that ring probably did weigh a fuck ton and i was worse on my dofe expedition#i may be fucking too hard with lotr#lotr#teehee
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My thing is that I just do not trust a single person who was involved in the show. It just seems like a lot of PR to fix their image and foster sympathy/goodwill/interest.
#i haven't seen compelling evidence that anybody actually tried to fight for canon (and reciprocated) destiel#just admissions that they played into the subtext#(which we already knew - that's why spn's been considered a prime example of queerbaiting since like 2011)#and non-committal statements about the pairing being compelling#edlund seemed to specifically say he wasn't censored/forced to rework due to the gay#yeah misha said the cw's homophobic and suggested the network was the barrier#but at least half of what comes out of misha's mouth is bullshit#like he also said they tried to pay him to stay bisexual#and as a result there's now a bunch of support being tossed out to the writers and some fans are talking about them like they're heroes#who valliantly fought against a homophobic network and were totally going to make dean and cas a couple#but were foiled by said network which is why the show ended with the gays being buried yet again#you see in the secret unreleased version...#and if we just let jensen make another season he won't let us down because of xyz vague statements#nevermind that he made a new show where cas was also never mentioned - cw censorship#nevermind the straightwashed version of soldier boy he's playing - that's kripke's fault#nevermind the statements he's made in the past about destiel and dean's sexuality - he's changed his mind#you can tell because he's said it's okay for fans to have their own interpretations about the series#idk maybe i'm too cynical and i'm being unfair#there's just too much vagueness from pretty much everybody for me to put faith in their intentions#especially if they are seriously considering attempting to revive the series - this sort of thing is great for drumming up interest#the writers being censored by homophobic execs is a familiar narrative ofc - but i don't see anything solid to suggest this is what happened#and it's not like there weren't queer relationships on tv when spn was airing - the show ended in 2020#it isn't even like there weren't queer relationships shown on the cw during spn's run - there were more than a few#i just have so many questions#spn#destiel
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If you ever see me becoming one of those transmisandry people, please fucking call me out immediately.
#it shouldn't happen though i am too triggered by MRA-lite material#i can't see that changing any time soon even though i haven't had exposure to the content for like 10 years#the transmisandry discourse on this site melts my brain it's awful it's just online stuff being argued about more online stuff#this is not the same as me saying i will never be treated badly for being transmasc i am not stupid i know that happens#and i am fully committed to fighting the patriachy which has nothing whatsoever to do with my individual manhood or anyone else's#it's a system and yes gender and how we fit into the patriachy is made extremely complicated in trans circles and that's ok!#i promise it is you don't have to design a new system that cis women and trans women are using to do oppression on specifically trans mascs#we're all being fucked over by the patriachy and how the fuck does it help to be divided#but in reality let's face it i can say this all i want but the real reason i'm never going anywhere near being a transmisandry person#is because i was exposing myself to MRA-lite content at a formative age and harming myself in the process#even if i didn't know i was a trans man guess what it would have harmed me just as much if i did have that awareness#and honestly when i see transmisandry discourse all i see is that fucking triggering stuff again#all it does is nitpick whether patriachy is real with tiny examples it doesn't talk systemicly and it doesn't help men in the slightest#it pays lipservice to marginised men but it has no interest in talking about the fact that men are usually simultaenously#oppressed and oppressor at the same time- this is not accusatory it is just factual#it's true of the queer community too and basically every community#but we can't seem to talk about it without just harming each other and blaming and not seeing each other as human#the internet makes it all so much fucking worse this stuff can't exist without it#anyway i'm super rambling but these are genuinely very triggering topics for me i have unfollowed people i LOVE becuase of this#and i still love them! unfollowing on a social media isn't a referendum on that i just can't see that stuff and i need it gone from my dash
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realizing that maybe I am just some crow who does not like labels. or at least using too many
#crow thoughts#sorry this is about queer stuff tehe ^___^#but fr I’ve kinda decided that queer is enough for me. like I’m comfy with aro and enby as defining terms#but in terms of my overall sexuality queer is enough for me :-)#honestly while this is about queer stuff I think this also can be used for an sort of identity label for myself#I think I’ve just come to the conclusion that I hate being put inside a defining box for others to assume of me#aside from the ones I actually want to be in#finding out I was aro was kind like one of the best things for me in terms of identity#cause I’ve never rlly given a shit about my sexuality. if I think someone’s cute I think they’re cute#if I don’t think they’re cute then I don’t think they’re cute! simple easy and flows just right for me#in the end it doesn’t matter because to me that aspect of myself is tiny like it doesn’t rlly define me that much#I’m glad to have any identity that allows me to push away the forceful nature of heteronormativity#same with being nonbinary! tho that one was an easy fit hehe#but I’ve also been thinking about other identity stuff as of late too. not just gender n sexuality#like religion and the whatnot. you know the deal#and like yknow what? nah you don’t get a defining term on that personal shit#you don’t get to know why I like calling myself a crow or my religion or whatever other personal shit I got going on#I’m just me. just foster. I’m not one defining characteristic I’m just me#I’m more comfortable with myself than I’ve ever been in my life. I know myself and I will continue to learn more#but I’m comfy not telling anyone until I wanna mention it :-)
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Having my cringe era NOW because Arin Gamegrumps is SO girl to me and I’m not afraid to say it
#to clarify this is cringe because you should never tell someone to come out. or speculate on their identity really#but I’m like. just come out already you deserve it#I’m not pushin any label in particular or nothin I just have my own trans radar and I swear to god it’s off the charts for arin gamegrumps#and by trans I don’t mean inherently binary or nonbinary I just mean That Persons Gender is Queer in Some Way I can Feel it#and by ‘it’ I mean I get this sort of second-hand longing from them that seems to be tied to gender in a notably queer way#anyway. I’m probably totally wrong. but. I HAD to say it#blithering on #arin hanson#game grumps#okay so to go even further in my cringe unnecessary and invasive speculation:#I just can’t help but get the feeling that arin feels a special sort of connection to femininity and girlhood#but- based on my years and years and years of watching his content- I get the impression that he feels ‘too far gone�� if u know what I mean?#very much ‘I want to be a girl so bad but I could never pass’ type shit#and I just hope he knows- even if he really is a cis dude and I’m just trans and overstepping- that he’s girl as hell to me#in the most complimentary and respectful way possible#like even if he’s a dude he’s girl as hell to me and I think it’s cool as hell. and if he’s not a cis dude then well!!!! also very cool!!!#like. he’s. sigh#I just hope he knows he’s pretty and lovely and cool and gender is fake and he can do w/e he wants and people will be there to support him#anyway sorry I’ve rambled on enough#my trip to visit Gay City (Portland) is DOING things to me
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isn't it crazy how much discourse heartstopper generates when it's a show competing in the children's and family emmy awards
#i guess queer people on this side of the internet have always liked shows for kids so it isn't not really#noshade i have watched gravity falls multiple times. though tbf i was younger than mabel and dipper when it started airing. that's not the#point#i understand each and every discussion around the topic of sex or no sex and of sanitized queer relationships as much as someone who has#never seen an episode and who is never gonna watch an episode can. but when people are like um are you asking why hannah montana#doesnt depict teen sexuality accurately? i kind of get it too because well no. but also it's like isn't the thing about being queer that it#cant/shouldnt be made palatable. but also it's good to have queer shows for kids. actual kids not people who are like 17 and a half.#but then why are 25-year-olds watching and saying like see no one in this has sex or it's only slightly implied and very respectfully#this is how all queer media should be. you are a grown-up#i don't actually care because like i said i don't watch and i'm never going to watch but witnessing it is kind of fascinating. no it isn't#my mom watched it btw i think because she likes english people#and maybe also because she has a gay daughter now🙈🙉🙊#i told her i didn't watch it because i'm sure it's good but i'm not the target audience because i'm so old and mature🙏 and she was like#well i'm way older than you and i like it. and i was like you really are#and like i say: brf slt
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right so i got my hair cut yesterday and mind you when im at uni my haircutting options are to get my one mate to do it (she's surprisingly good but can get very scissor happy) OR cut my own bangs in the sink with cuticle scissors at midnight while my automatic light turns off every five seconds. no that's not hyperspecifc what do you mean. anyway i got my hair cut yesterday and BY THE PROFESSIONAL HAIRDRESSER THAT DOES MY MUM AND SISTER'S HAIR. now this lady has been doing our hair for over a decade she's very chill she knows us very well i stress her out a lot bc every time i see her im like 'i want to [insert crazy hair idea here]' and she's like orrrr what if we didn't? BUT yesterday i was like i want my hair short again i hate that it's grown to touch my shoulders bc it curls weird. and what i was aiming for was literally just to replicate what my friend does for me back at uni where she just cuts it to my jaw and that's that nothing too complicated, BUT like i said this lady is a skilled professional AND she knows me in both a style sense and what she knows i'd like and in the sense of i really dont give a fuck about my hair so she knows she can have a lil fun with it, and basically long story short i have a wolf cut now
#it wasn't even on purpose i didn't actually realise what i was describing to her was a wolf cut until she was done#and i looked in the mirror like HEY THIS IS WHAT ALL THE HOT TIKTOK BISEXUALS HAVE#like you know how a wolf cut is a mix between a mullet and a shag cut? mine's like that except it's slightly more shag#until i push it behind my ears a lil in which case it's more mullet#im OBSESSED with it holy fuck#im gonna get styling stuff too bc i never normally do anything with my hair but this is something else#i look like a punk lesbian im obsessed#also my godmum is coming for tea soon and she's a butch lesbian so im hoping i get some sort of compliment from her#will keep you posted#mind i dont have much respect for her despite her being my Sole Female Queer Rep Irl because her politics are FUCKED#this woman voted brexit like okay babygirl set your own movement back then#but acknowledgement from the local butch is still acknowledgement from the local butch#and i am but a mere baby gay making grabby hands#fun fact i acc tried to get a shag cut from my uni friend but it was out of her skill level (obvs cause she's not trained lol)#BUT she's the super super innocent highly christian friend ive mentioned a couple times#and she very cheerfully went 'i love when you ask for a shag' and like. left it#and we just sat in silence while i waited for her to clock what she said and she just DIDNT#and i just said her name very slowly and went 'can you repeat that for me'#and she really loudly went 'OH MY GOD' it was so funny
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