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david-box · 1 year

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Liveblog (but a day late ish) of Succession season 4 ep. 1

3:38 love how Shiv didn't kiss Kendall also is very clearly lying lol. Rome is so focuking rude it's hilarious. Wtf is their new venture are they trying to make a new media outlet??? And shiv is talking to Tom

They're already on to her lmao. Glad she's semi honest. Ajjajahw. "he's not a real junkie" ahhaha. Kendall is saying "don't bail on me I don't want to put effort into this and not have you reciprocating". Shiv really is into it.

Ohhh my god Logan is visually miserable. Hows it feel old man you motherfucker. He is not dating that woman still Jesus Christ. I mean good for her probably, damn, but what the fuck. What happened to the Italian princess Greg?? He's so clean shaven... Also "friend assistant and advisor" lol. Girl when. Her face is funny as hell also I love these actors. Is it "random fuck". Greg's face lol.

Shiv don't sound bored. Kendall is into it. Tom looking out for Shiv?? You alwars awkward awkward man. Paying with one hand. You're not being fair Shiv rn but I don't blame you also low blow with the st. Paul remark. Best response Tom. She's really freaking out damn. THEYRE STILL HERE AKHAHAHHA. Rome the only chill one here hahahhaa. The investor advisors walked off in separate directions. Aaannnnd Greg's gf snitched lol. They're paranoid. They have every reason to be. Oh those are their investors.

Connor is dressed like a president and the gf is insiding. Connor how broke are you, you're always worried about money. Who was Logan's first wife? Why is the Left going after them? Are they buying Pierce? Also the audacity to call them rats... And the side piece is literally just standing there. Logan doesn't know what Tom looks like when he lies. His awkwardness helps though imagine asking your FIL for marriage AND business advice. Logan looks so annoyed Toms ass sucking but I honestly think it helps and as much as Logan is annoyed that's exactly where he wants him to be. Tom killing Logan 2023 hashtag or whatever. Who hosts a party and waits for food??? They fucking rich people.

Two parties vying for Pierce is going to make the Gojo buyout easier because the Waystair side won't bother squeezing Connor out. Unless they just try harder and he has to pay more to stay lol. Roman the most mature one here. Kendall is being stupid. Who was walking in the background also they're just sitting there huh those Saudis or whoever lolll. They do kinda have a point tho.

Tom doesn't even wait to cut Greg down a 6 inch. And she's fucking recording??? Greg is too excited for their marriage thing. Greg is delusional. I wouldn't switch gears personally but I'd be anxious telling the other guys to keep waiting if they're even still there.

Logan has the world and isn't even happy. Right in front of her "hoop de hoop". Nan's family is a matriarchal version of Logan and Shiv is correct he has no patience but Nan's gonna be busy ain't he. Nan is funny also. I love the way Shiv dresses casually ahahha good lines. Kendall might honestly be better to go but Nan's picky and pickier than what's good. Oh fuck off Kendall its about Dad. And Rome is scared of conflict and I don't blame him also it would be funny if they can do it.

Why is he going you're my pal. You're mybest pal. What the fuck does this mean. This poor man. People are exonomic units??? Bro. Is he really thinking about marriage??? Bro. Gee I wonder why

People turn against you everywhere you go. He's getting old and finally feeling it. Only person he trusts isn't even family and business only.

Ahhahahhahhaha I didn't think Roman would repeattt thatttt ahahha. She looks so hurt :-(. That means he didn't ask. You can pop it back in your mouth now lolll. Who they calling. Oh Logan? Pierce is making calls huh I bet.

Connor is so excited for the wedding and it's gonna be bad if he pushes for more money or if he pushes for less I bet. I love this man. Get a rapper and jetpacks. Dude. Bumfuts. Oh it's about the election cycle. Poor Willa. She's trying. She'll do a lot for him huh.

Greg has the worst timing and Tom low-key thinks it's funny. Greg. No. She's crunchy peanut butter. Dude. The guest bedroo?? Dude. And he's really worried ahahaha. I think he's more amused Greg is scared and is mayyybbee fucking fucking with him. He's making him tell him this is so gross hahahaha.

Is this fucking Marthas vineyard? Italian themed Waystair rocyo? Do they realize Logan can just wait on the sale so they won't be able to buy her out? The sex implications with the headache is great. I think she's going to use it as leverage. Oh butter my beanpole ahahha. Tom saving his ass and isn't even needing to lie, everyone DOES know. He's got some fucked up machinations. Greg is worse off saying something than not. He hasn't eaten. He gave him candy. And he's just holding it. Ahahhaha. Shhshhahha the thumbs up. Lmao. Poor Greg. Poor poor Greg. Think of something better. I would not be honest. He really doesn't think about things critically, like, ever.

Who's the garbder? They're showing more servants today.

Logan smiled? What the fuck?? Tom is so right but he also clearly thinks its both funny and disgusting. Greg don't push it. Greg. Dude. Ahahah. God be willing. Nan thinks smiles and warm energy is important and is complaining about spending money. Interesting. Roy might be better for that than the kids. She's ruthless. Shiv is better for this than anyone else. Oh, but it's not wrapped up. It's fine :-)) come drink with me :-)). Don't curse. Kendall. Dude. She wants to drink? Take the offer to drink... Kendall it is not robust. What happened to Maine? I'm getting a divorce ahahhahaa okay damn. Kendall if you're gonna call her on the numbers don't be shitty. That was clever Roman.

Nobody tells jokes any idea so they. I'm saying Carl, it's a big dry in here. Do you have any jokes? Frank, start, be funny, abhahahahahahahahahahaa roast me dhshshhshshshs skanshshshs absghshshshhsjsjsjsjsjsjsh he can't even do it. That's not funny. Greg is too honest. Ahahhahaa "where are your kids?" AhahhahahhahahhahahahahahhahahahhahahahhahahahahhahahahhahahahahhaahhHahaha. Not a good retort there Logan sorry. So it is the money. Logan's mood is much better when he has something to do. He's going to win. But that's cus I got spoiled.

Roman is correct. 8 is bad. Oh ton don't pussy foot. "This is dusgusting :-)" lol. call your wife. Nan likes the bidding and they can't do 8.5. Tom hiding his face. They do not have 9.5. they go to 10 they lose. 10 is a lot. They don't have 10. And he's being loud. He's outvoted. Ouch. Shiv is so happy. She's gonna cry. Tom said 12 she fucked herself.

Congratulations on saying the biggest number. Romans not sure and they left. That's when the Gojo falls through innit? Lol. Or the lack of a divorce. They still living in the same house? Cute dog. Swear it's different from last year, lol. They don't even look at the accounts anymore. Oh, they still here. Tom still kinda trying to connect, he really does love her. Who wouldn't? Where's the disgusting brothers thing and Shiv is really trying to hurt him and she's hurt from it. And he's right to fire right tf back. Is Mondale even let out at night? Shiv is really, really upset. She doesn't want to move on but now she has an excuse to force herself so this is when the deal gets fucked and now she's divorced for no reason. Shiv doesn't wanna talk because she arguably did worse. No responsibility. Tom won't fight her and a small part of her wishes he did. Tom what the fuck ahahhahaa. Dude. What the fuck. He's genuine . He isn't but he is. I think Shiv would be happy just having him be there. They're so sweet together. My little cats. They do love eachother :-(. If only they could make it work.

Is Logan watching court dv? Or his own news? He's mad the reporters ugly. Wild. They actually won. Oh, new number.

#succession #long post #me #text #succession season 4 ep. 1

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blue-bear · 2 years

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me: *wants to have tea with honey*

my dad: *sees me preparing the tea in the kitchen* you know that tea has caffeine right? you can take it but it's late and you'll stay awake. don't go saying "i'm so tired i haven't slept" after you take this. *exits kitchen*

me: *cries, prepares camomille with honey instead*

#vent #whyyy am i like this #ahhhhhh #stupid period #it makes me cry over stupid stuff #but also: why would you say thatttt #my dad apprentely thinks i stay up late cause i want to #bitch?? NO.#i stay up late cause it's a coping mechanism or because i need to study #not like i want to #wtf #sorry guys ignore this #cate scrive #personal

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pjohoo-memes · 4 years

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✨my personal opinions✨

notice how i didn’t say “unpopular” because some of these are popular and i wanted to speak on behalf of most people in this fandom for where these opinions came from, to those acting like they’re qUiRky by hating on something :)

1. percy is NOT overrated and NOT underrated, he’s perfectly fine where he is. i’ve seen multiple of you out there saying percy is overrated, but HE IS THE REASON WHY YOU LIKE PJO BETTER THAN HOO AND TOA - but yea fellow percy stans stop attacking people when they say their opinions- (ngl im kind of a hypocrite because i take these things PERSONALLYYY but i just don’t say them, keep mean words to yourself y’all)

2. octavian deserves each and every hate comment. are we just gonna ignore that he was a power hungry, emotionless dude who blackmailed hazel with some very sensitive topics?? sis go straight to the field of punishment, idc idc he’s just a little better than luke, no redemption arc possible

3. luke was NOT a hero. he deserves to go rot in tartarus for all i care- to all you (hopefully) nonexistent annal*ke shippers: bring me some bleach, i really need some

4. toa is overhated. apollo was annoying asf in the first book and i haven’t even read ToN but i’m looking for some character development- JASON DIDN’T DIE FOR NOTHING I HOPE-

5. jason is not bland, the fandom collectively just erased his entire backstory like hon i- also please stop comparing him and percy, jason is a different character :)

6. reyna joining the hunters was not thatttt ooc, she just pulled a bianca, but she will definitely leave sometime soon

7. theyna is a cute concept but PLEASE RESPECT THEIR SEXUALITIES STOP SHIPPING THEM THANKS

8. frazel is not that bad but the age gap was kinda sketch, they also aren’t sweet little cinammon rolls and they’re both super powerful and praetor goals so

9. all the gods are assholes except hephaestus and hestia. there, i said it.

10. i still hate perachel. they aren’t cute at all and they would never have lasted- y’all hating on aang (A 12 YEAR OLD AT THE TIME) for kissing katara without her consent while RACHEL LITERALLY DID THE SAME THING

11. pernico is a bit better but the fanart is making me barf- istg nico literally said he didn’t like percy anymore and they don’t even like each other that much

12. leo was an asshole to frank while frank was a justified asshole to leo.

13. i really don’t like liper preyna and lazel, they’re very weird and platonic

14. jeyna had potential, someone has to write a fic from reyna’s pov about jiper, lemme cry my eyes out

15. piper is soo overhated, did she not kill enough goddesses for you-

16. jiper is kinda sus because hera literally made it but they’re such a power couple. i applaud rick for the breakup tho (NOT JASON’S DEATH), that was super realistic and piper being an aphrodite kid really added to the meaning

17. SoN and the og trio is underrated!!

18. the “not my type” joke is the most bland and annoying joke in the history of jokes- percy just thought that nico hated him for the longest time and nico came out to them with that at the same time so

19. rachel is overhated and underrated

20. annabeth was a justified bitch and she’s my queen- y’all are attacking her for her abandonment issues from luke (f u btw) and her “toxicity” against rachel, i thought it was hilarious. i haven’t read the entire hp series but she’s better representation for girls so far compared to hermione!

21. percabeth is the best developed couple i’ve ever seen and they are so cute like CHILLS MY DUDE WITH THE FANFICS AND FANART- they aren’t too unrealistic tho, they went through their ups and downs. toxic is a whole different thing, they were never really toxic

22. i don’t really like a lot of the percabeth au fanfics like mine atm since they’re kinda boring at times but i still read them because i like seeing how people weave in character traits and events- you can literally predict the plot (rachel and luke are love interests, one of them gets hurt and yadayadayada) but there’s some plot twist which is always interesting tho

23. caleo isn’t toxic, cal just doesn’t have any social skills from being sTRANDED ON AN ISLAND FOR ETERNITY- it shouldn’t have existed since i want leo to be single (sorry) but it was good for their characters ig

24. thalia and percy’s fight was really good.

25. percy, leo, and nico aren’t really good friends, they wanted to strangle each other a lot. remember that percy’s bestie is grover.

26. drew was annoying. as an asian girl who could only cosplay her for my life, stop asking for a redemption arc, i like the type of people she represents

27. chiron is underrated

28. i loved kane chronicles! the last book was not as good but red pyramid was one of my favs. zarter is adorablee and zia can step on me and i would say thank you. i really liked sanubis but once they merged i was like uh wtf 👁👄👁

29. magnus chase was kinda boring at times- the last book with magnus’ speech that defeated loki was kinda cringe but i really liked hearthstone and blitz. fierrochase is also one of my favs, rick handled alex pretty well

30. sally and leo are a bit overrated- SORRY DON’T ATTACK ME I LOVE THEM BUT THEY ARE TOO LIKED IN THIS FANDOM

31. i don’t think any demigod is more powerful than another. they all have really strong powers but each of them has a lot of negatives WHICH IS WHY THEY’RE PERFECT THE WAY THEY ARE. also, in general, stop asking for so many redemption arcs, i love redemption arcs but some characters must stay flawed and bad. if you want a good one, zuko from atla’s is perfection

32. my favorite characters are percy, annabeth, sadie, and magnus. i like other characters too, but there are so many characters i like to the point where i forget about them so this is all i remember (i need to reread LMFAO-)

33. this might be controversial but i really don’t like any of the noncanon ships in any fandom? like unless the canon ships are that horrible, i do not ship any noncanon ships. you have a perfectly fine canon ship there with a lot of content but you have to go out of your way to ship two other characters?? chile 😔🤚

34. last but not least, MR. RICK RIORDAN IS NOT A GOD. stop cancelling him for the smallest of things, he’s not perfect like the rest of us and stop getting mad at his representation, be happy he has it in the first place.

thank you for listening to my TEDtalk. feel free to comment your opinions but please do not attack me, as i am a very sensitive person 🌚

#percy jackson #annabeth chase #rachelelizabethdare #leovaldez #frank zhang #hazel levesque #reyna avila ramirez arellano #calypso #octavian #luke castellan #jason grace #pipermclean #sadiekane #carterkane #sally jackson #nico di angelo #will solace

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rectifypeace · 3 years

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I literally remember someone posting ‘theyre gonna pull some everything is love shit and its gonna be in norwegian to make even less sense’

I read that post and genuinely thought that it was a random ass stupid post because theres no way skam france would put these /french/ teenagers saying this cringe ass nowegian phrase... omfg seriously wtf was thatttt

The balloons were aesthetic but god of all phrases to put thats so dumb bahahah

Nice ending though, but i dont like lola now hanging out with all 3 of her bullies... with no redemption at all... but whatever, I have no more energy to waste on skam frances shitty writing lol

#skam france #sorry to the psychic in the tags for doubting u #unless u manifested this to prove me wrong #skamfr

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kaeyasaki · 3 years

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WAIT I THINK THE SAME THING HAPPENED TO ME RN TOO ???? WTF EVEN WAS THATTTT someone’s out for the sanrio worsties 😟

bye i thought i’d been hacked </3 not that i care because sometimes i do want to have an excuse to disappear of this god awful website, but still,, i have to deactivate this blog not anyone else 😡!!

#💌luvlttrs #arantza ✿

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nhisdiary · 7 years

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Wet n' Wild, a supposed Eurasian, cumming on pizza and a gong

Location: QLD, Gold Coast [Hotel] Time start: 6:43pm, 10th of April 2017

The cumming on pizza was click bait. all that happened was when I was at wnw someone behind me moaned out in ecstasy “mMMM THIS PIZZA IS SO GOOD I COULD CUM ON IT” if that’s why you’re here, feel free to click off as it really was clickbait lmao.

Welcome to my diary! Or type of thing/s, I’m using this as a mean to talk judged or unjudged to myself, to blog clickers, to followers and all others. Maybe the only interactions I’ll receive are porn bots but I can be at peace with that. I haven’t kept a paper journal as I want something that I can quickly delete, in fear that someone might read it. Please don’t mind the terrible grammar or typing that might ensue. You can call me Nhi, as it both is and isn’t my name ahahahah. I run a few other blogs and if you really wanna know if you can private message me because I don’t wanna publicly reveal it 😅. The things I’ll write will vary, I might write about my day, what I’m thinking, what I’m feeling, what im doing, stories, about my frustrations, maybe my art and my ocs, maybe stories. Some days I [break, a few hours] will post three times a day and sometimes I’ll go three weeks without a word. Okay here we go

Anyways this person went off at me because i referred to my self as a hybrid in reference to my ethnicity. Said I shouldn’t refer to my self as a hybrid and the correct term to use was Eurasian. Like the fuck dude. That’s not how it works you don’t get to call me hybrid because you ain’t one. you get to use Eurasian or mixed but ya don’t get to call me a hybrid or a half caste because you ain’t fucking one. like dude. who the everlasting fuck do ya think you are. I prefer to not call myself Eurasian because being from Australia, it sounds wrong because every though I have Welsh/Scottish decent on my white half I’m not particularly heavily European. More or less, yeah maybe I should but I don’t.

Wet n’ wild was cool I went with ô phuong and it was pretty good. long lines, fun but quick rides. generic theme park stuff. I’m grateful that she took me as she’s at no obligation to do so. Though she called me con at one point which was funny because this little kid came up to me later and asked if my name was gong, no but that’s cute I wish my name was gong because it’d be cool to introduce myself “hello my name is gong yes as in the giant metal plate you bang”.

Queensland is lit but I need an explanation for why white people are so tall, like I swear a ten year old was taller than me. I’m 5'4 so I’m not thatttt short but still wtf guys chill. I’ll have to go home soon and that’s an anxiety ridden thought by itself so I won’t think about it.

Anyways, GOOOOOOD NIGHT WAHHH

-Nhi, 10:10pm, 10th of April 2017, Gold Coast QLD. [Hotel]

#diary #Queensland #Eurasian #LGBT+#tumblr #tw swearing #swearing #my diary #nhi #my posts #my stories #my story

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viralhottopics · 7 years

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‘Are You The One?’ Recap: Hi My Name Is Tyranny And Im An Alcoholic

Hello everyone. I would like to thank my loyal followers for questioning my whereabouts on Twitter. I was actually on vacation, because Im not poor. Sorry, but watching these morons was just not a fucking option. I was zen AF and I dont need Carolinas crocodile tears ruining it, k thx.

ANYWAYS, so onto the episode. It was kind of eh, Im going to be honest. If youre looking for another reason to be annoyed by Giannas existence though, then it def delivered.

AFTER THE MATCH CEREMONY

They are all pumped about getting four beams. In fact, if you took a shot for every time someone said four fucking beams youd need to get stomach pumped four fucking times.

Tyranny is like Ossssssssssssssssvaldo is my match. Honestly can we just cut the accent though? Hes from Chicago for gods sake, not Italy.

Oswaldo is not so sure. Hes like she could be my match! Or she isnt! Yeah, thats pretty much how life works, actually.

Also, can we acknowledge the giant-ass drink Tee has the whole time? That cup is actually my favorite cast member this season.

Carolina and Hayden start having a pillow fight because FOUR FUCKING BEAMS, AMIRIGHT?

Now Carolina is very suddenly into Hayden. Carolinas emotions give me whiplash. Betsy DeVos nomination was more certain than this bitch.

Gianna is like “OH NO. NOT TODAY. I DID NOT LEAVE THE SOUTHSIDE FOR THIS.” Shes like I’M GOING TO CONTINUE TO PURSUE THIS MAN WHO TREATS ME SO WELL. Even though they are a confirmed no match. Makes total sense.

So you unfriend-zoned him to cock block him? Seems v fair. So when you go to sleep, do you leave Haydens balls under your pillow or on your nightstand? Let me know.

*Starts Twitter Poll* Is Gianna hot? Yes or No?

Tyler apologizes to Taylor and is like “I have no excuse for being the ‘big bad wolf’ in this.” So youre eating peoples grandmas now? Very Hannibal Lecter-chic. Not sure Tyler understands that hes referencing a fairytale, but hes pretty so well overlook it.

Hes like these girls are all over me wah, life is hard.

TAYLOR: Im mad *looks at Tylers beautiful face* but Im not like, thatttt mad

Hes like Im not that guy, you know that! Shes like,

TYLER: I want to dump Shannon and date you

EVERYONE AT HOME:

Gianna goes to have a talk with Hayden, which she announces for everyone to know. Shes from the Midwest, okay? Shes not used to this whole having brains thing, cut her some slack!

GIANNA: HEY CAMERA GUY IM GOING TO HAVE A TALK WITH HAYDEN ALSO GIANNA: were very low-key shhhh

Little Mike is like this is bullshit, they are not a match, they need to stop and its like SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK.

GIANNA: I dont want to stop you from doing something but stop fucking doing it. (Im not even making that up, thats an exact quote) HAYDEN: But I need to play the game GIANNA: Did I fucking stutter

So Hayden has relocated from friendzone island to being a little bitch island. Need a house warming gift, Hayden? Ill get you crowbar so you can pull your head out of your ass. Youre welcome.

Gianna and Hayden have sex, giving life to the newest Trump supporter Im sure. Carolina sees all of this and is like wtffffff. Shes like, totally in love with Hayden! Like, they spoke for a whole 10 minutes. Didnt that mean anything to him?

Andre is like “IF THEY FUCK THIS UP IM GOING TO BE PISSED” and Im like do it. Get mad. You wont. No balls.

Honestly, Gianna could probs take Andre in a fight. That girl should be a fuckin prison warden.

THE CHALLENGE

The challenge this week is for the dudes. The guys have to spin themselves and then go through an obstacle course. Then they have to shoot a basketball into the hoop of the girl they want to date. The person who shoots the third basketball in the hoop wins the date.

challenges sound like the hazing the gay frats do. Its all v weak.

The guys start the game and are falling all over the place. *plays Ed Sheeran*

Hayden is like, fuck it. Fuck this game. Idfc anymore, Im here for Gianna.

HAYDEN:I love Gianna

ME:

He decides to help Oswaldo win a date with Tee. See heres the thingI like Hayden, but I also think hes being very dumb. Its a hard spot for me rn. Really struggling.

Tee being proud of Oswaldo for winning is like Trump being proud of winning president. We all know he couldnt have won without Hayden/Russia.

Derrick and Joey are trying to win Rush Boobss date. Derrick wants to win because fuck Joey. Theyre shooting for legit five minutes. Seriously, Ive seen better shots from . When is the last time you played basketball? Third grade? Derricks like I played division I basketball! which sounds like an alternative fact to me.

Joey wins. So its Osvaldo/Tee and Joey/Rush Boobs.

Ryan tells them they are going to trapeze and Tee is like Im black, I shouldnt be in the air. How did you get to the Dominican Republic? Drive? Horseback? I didnt know your skin color made you less aerodynamic. I just saw and honestly, Im a fucking scientist now.

BACK AT THE HOUSE

Lets all agree that Tee is low-key alcoholic. Shes constantly sipping from that big-ass cup and it seems like they have a good connection. Could that be her match?

Eddie is talking to Alicia about how he is poor and shes like “LOL not me, cant relate to you peasant.” Eddie, you need to get your ass over to Kam where you fucking belong. Know your fucking place. Do not fuck this up for me, Eddie.

Tyler is trying to break up with Shannon and it is a train fucking wreck. Hes like I need to do the right thing and leave you. He actually stole the whole speech from Gabriella in .

REAL PICTURE OF TYLER:

Shannon is like “I feel dumb.” And she should, because she just got played. I feel bad for Shannon. Her voice makes me want to take a waltz off a bridge, but I do feel things, kind of.

Tylers like I didnt realize girls have feelings and get mad when you treat them poorly. Thats like saying I didnt know when you light shit on fire, it gets hot.

Meanwhile, Tee is very much trying to date rape Osvaldo. Its creepy tbh. If a guy was doing that to a girl on this show I would be dialing 911 by now. Tee, knock it off, it’s super gross.

They go to the boom boom room and literally boom boom because they break something. Oswaldo, way to not hold your ground.

Kam is oiling Eddie up and being goofy. I needed this.

Shes like I know Alicia and Eddy have a good friendship, Im not getting territorial, because this is a game show. I LOVE YOU KAM, I AM STARTING YOUR FAN CLUB. Shes so rational. Everyone be like her please.

THE DATE

Oswaldo is like this date will take our relationship to the next level, even though it already has gone to the next level. *wink, wink* I remember when I lost my virginity. We get it, you had sex.

They go to the trapeze place and Oswaldo is like Hopefully I dont break my neck. Thats a pretty reasonable goal.

They all are like surprisingly good at this. Even Tee, whose blackness surprisingly does not hinder her capabilities. Its a miracle.

Oswaldo and Tee are like being lovey-dovey because they fucked that one time. Hes like shes not trying to rape me and I like this side of her. I too am a big fan of the people who dont try and sexually assault me. Weird.

THE TRUTH BOOTH

Ryan comes in hot and asks about the no matches, aka Gianna and Hayden, still hooking up.

Giannas like HOW IS THIS OUR FAULT??? Uh, youre a confirmed no match and youre hooking up. I feel like Im taking crazy pills. Leave the dumb shit to Rush Boobs, please god.

The house is like, “ugh we hate you, lets just get this shit over with.” Thats how I felt with pledges in my sorority.

Tyranny and Oswaldo go to the truth booth because duh.

OSWALDO: Im excited to learn if were a match and really connect on a deeper level. TEE: Im tryna fuck.

Im stressed because Tee will def die of alcohol poisoning tonight if this doesnt work out. And what do you know, NO MATCH.

Tee was like I was falling in love with him. Shes crying. Hes crying. This is depressing. Did I accidentally sit on the remote and turn on ?

Oswaldo starts boxing while Andre is talking him down and all the guys hug him. Wow, I love the bromance. What I love more is that eventually one of them will try and fight another. #Drama

After everything, Tyler and Shannon are still hanging out. Whats Tylers favorite thing about Shannon? She isnt Taylor. Hes got high standards, ya know? #FourFuckingBeams

Taylor is like youre fucked up. And hes like why, because Im having a conversation?

Ugh Taylor, this paaaaains me to say, because I usually automatically side with the hot girl, but hes low-key right. You need to chill out and move on. Hes not worth it, dude. Hes just not.

Andre asks Taylor wtf shes doing with Tyler and Im like YAS KEEP THIS UP.

Andre is like actually, we like each other, Taylor. And shes like wait, yeah we do. WTF is this Jedi mind control shit Andre has.

ANDRE: *swinging coin back and forth* you are getting very sleepy.. and youre going to fuck me TAYLOR: *eyes glazed* yes, master

He says that she should be a Victorias Secret Model and honestly she should marry him just for that. Like thats compliment of the goddam century.

THE MATCHUP CEREMONY

Its the boys pick tonight. Please note that last time they blacked out harder than Tee does on any given weeknight.

Little Mike gets the ball rollin the wrong way and picks Kam.

Mikes like following our heart doesnt work. Hes like we should venture off, and though thats noble, maaaaaaybe not at the match ceremony. Thats like Michael Phelps being like LOOK FREESTYLE JUST DOESNT WORK right before the 4×100 relay.

Ozzy picks Hannah.

Oswaldo is up next and hes like “I GOTTA DO ME.” He picks Taylor.

Ryan asks Taylor how she feels about Tyler and shes like whos Tyler? Andre and her give each other looks and Im like OKAY YES IM HERE FOR THIS SHIT.

Ryans like Andre, do you wish you were with her and hes like Im practicing my patience. Whatever the fuck that means.

Oswaldo is like standing next to her like, lol just fuck me, right?

Andre picks Casandra.

Eddy picks Alicia and is like this is my homie.

KAM: I AM NOT WORRIED. ARE YOU WORRIED, BECAUSE I AM NOT WORRIED!!! *twitches*

Joey picks Rush boobs.

Derrick picks Gianna. Weird.

Tylers up and fucking moseys up to the front. Goddam hes like a walking Shakespeare playtragically beautiful.

Hes like Ryan, let me speak and Ryans like I didnt even say anything, but ok.

Tyler goes off about how he was painted as the villain and how he is innocent and how all this Taylor shit is fake news and the failing lamestream media is spreading false rumors!!! Sad!

Ryan asks Tyler who he likes more, Shannon or Taylor and Tyler picks Shannon.

RYAN: Do you think Tyler is your match? SHANNON: IDK RYAN: Is Taylor his match? SHANNON: IDK RYAN: Is the world round? SHANNON: IDK

Tylers talking about his breakup with Taylor and is like it sucks because you cant delete people in the real world. This is the first thing that I agree with him on. Dont worry Tyler, Ive watched . Well get to that point someday.

Michael picks KARI. Is it Carrie or KAAAAAARI? I have been saying KAAAAARI. Please DM some confirmation.

Hayden is next. Hayden tells the group that him and Gianna are affecting the game and they are going to stop screwing everyone over.

Gianna is like “WTF. WHO TOLD HIM HE COULD SPEAK? WHO LET HIM OUT OF HIS CAGE?” He picks Carolina. Hehe.

Jaylen and Tee are last. Tee is really bummed about Oswaldo and Ryan is like, “bitch its week four.”

These couples are random AF but idk Im drunk and just here to shit talk. Dont give that much of a fuck.

No blackout, so thats good. They get four beams again. Cant wait to hear them talk about it incessantly.