#because i am trying to cheer myself up
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"I'm not quite sure where the character began and Michael ended."
- Michael Sheen in an interview in 2019.
#michael sheen#welsh seduction machine#david tennant#soft scottish hipster gigolo#good omens#aziraphale#crowley#ineffable husbands#i am having a really rough weekend emotionally#so be prepared for a lot of shippy posts#because i am trying to cheer myself up#also art imitating life#or vice versa#or both#i think michael has been telling us exactly who he is for a long time now#method acting by falling in love with david tennant#can't wait for the second season#ineffable lovers
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am I right fellas
#incredibox#incredimeme#i was recently reminded of this meme and i had to make a version with Armo dkfgjh#posting another silly pic because i've been working on Something that you might see soon#hopefully 😩#i'll try to post some new art soon i prommy#i also need to make stupid stuff to cheer myself up because BOY i am so nervous about some shit thats been happening lmao
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Adam(Sackler) being super proud of me for taking the stairs again. Still can only get to the 5th floor before I need to stop and catch my breath. I make it to the 9th and go inside, I'm sweaty, my breath is trembling, and my legs feel like absolute jelly but Sackler is there to greet me.
"Don't touch me, I'm sweaty!"
He tells me he doesn't care, his hand places itself over my chest where my heart is and he flashes that little lopsided, goofy smile at me and reiterates what I can already feel.
"Your heart is beating so hard and so fast baby and your cheeks are all red~ you did so good~!!"
he'd envelop me in a tight hug and then brush some of my hair away from my forehead that was stuck there. He's pepper my face with kisses till I was laughing and telling him to stop because I can't catch my breath.
Then he'd give me one final kiss to my lips~
#Something comforting in knowing that he would be cheering me on. Because he's so good at it in canon. Like he gets Hannah to run with him#and he's so encouraging. Even when she lays on the road in defeat he steps over her and yells playfully at her to keep going.#Also he runs ahead and gets her to try and catch up with a reward being a high five. He starts running and is like#'high five me~ you got to catch up to me if you wanna high five~!' He's just so reassuring and so nice! (and silly)#Because I know he is so genuinely nice about loving bodies of every size but also being super encouraging if they wanted to lose a few#pounds I can actually believe he would be this way with me too. <3#As much as I like to say 'my other f/o love me no matter my body type' a part of me is like 'you're trying to convince yourself but you#have doubts' with Adam I don't have a single doubt in my mind because I SEE it. Its CANON its a part of who he is!#Like I really want to believe my other f/o love me as I am but until then. I know I have Sackler to help me with loving myself. <3#my favourite bad habit;
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hey will be off tumblr for the rest of the week - things are Happening again and my head feels ready to explode.........would really appreciate prayer again. I'm constantly feeling like I'm on the brink of something (I don't KNOW what) terrible and I need to figure things out without before my body really DOES decide to shut down from the stress and the strange depressive dread that has been very difficult to shake this month. I would like to not feel like crying or throwing up at certain points in the day and also would like to not be so exhausted in the heart and mind area so that I can actually deal with these things. Especially since finals are looming ahead
#wish i had my support network but what with all my friends being so busy#with school work engagements marriage pregnancies housing issues#and my priests both up to their ears in work and all my older sister figures#having issues and more important things to deal with and my family being one of the sources of high stress#i dont have anyone to talk to or go to at the moment#so i need to figure that out before i have another health crisis because my body's starting to give up on me#(again)#on top of that there needs to be planning in place for the summer and next fall and graduation#i just want to stick my head in the ground like an ostrich and stay there!!!! instead of wading through this mess during midterm season#and having to start finals the WEEK after midterms end#complaining again sorry#i am so tired and trying to be cheerful/distracting myself only lasts a few hours#im trying. i promise im trying. but the world seems rather bleak right now#and it is very hard not to feel so very alone#anyway i love you all and i'll see you soon
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tell me your failed/embarrassing flirting stories to make me feel better, i’ll go first: today i said “get out of my way” forgot to say “i’m kidding” then immediately said “bye”
#it is awful having feelings for someone you know and have an established friendship with#but crushing on someone i barely know is knew to me and i legit feel like an idiot every time i do something stupid like this#i can’t just. talk to the guy#if i say hey and he says sup i say ‘sup indeed’ like what the fuck is that#i can barely even say hello to him#don’t get me wrong i’ve DONE it but most days i’m like#ah fuck there he is#okay you can do it just say hi#just say what’s up#and then he’s already gone#also. like. the setting we’re in is soooo not good for talking or flirting realt because um. it’s work he’s my coworker.. so um. do i fuckin#ask him for his number?? or to hang out??? but like. he’s kind of a stranger to me what do i want to hang out for 🧍#but like. i dont want to do that until i have at least one successful interaction#or like. an actual conversation.#which is gonna be really hard to manage because he doesn’t talk much at all to anyone and i really only talk if someone talks to me first or#i’ll say something absolutely idiotic and ridiculous (and honestly i do that no matter what)#anyway so um. i guess i’m just gonna keep making a fool of myself until i get it right and hopefully i don’t screw it up 🥴#i lost all my confidence in the last year and i cant do anything chill or smooth anymore (i was never that good in the first place but at#least i could PRETEND i knew what i was doing. like i could sell it. the whole weird and lost bit.)#anyway. i felt better for like 5 minutes when some guy at the gas station flirt failed with me on the way home. but that’s partly my fault#too oops. in his defense he probably could not see that i had headphones on bc upon mirror inspection they were well blended with my hair#but i was waiting to cross the street and this guy tried to like nod and smile and i did not know it was to me until i got to the other side#where the gas station was and and like. tried again and i awkward half smiled and saw his face get all mushy and confused like mine FELT 20#mins before when i’d flopped so hard trying to flirt and by the time i’d processed WAIT i think he was FLIRTING WITH ME i was already gone 🤡#but at least it ended better than the poor 14yo who very confidently asked for my number#who. i shit you not. SCREECHED for a solid 44.5 seconds and bolted the other direction when i said sorry im 21#his friends were standing there like wtf too and one was like i am so sorry about him 🤦#cheers to being fools universe
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its wallowing hours! again.
#vwoop.noises#I'm sorry for like. One of these daily. I am trying to . Not#But my journal is only so effective opposite attention seeking...#I have been having an extended episode for a bit now and I just don't know how 2 distract myself anymore :(#They were not lying. Mental illness has hands#And I am substantially self aware too like I Know. When too much is too much for other people. It's just rough out here!#I wish I wasn't so dependent and suchlike#And I should do school stuff but like. I don't want to do anything at all because of The Episode. Just like. rot#Stuff that would usually cheer me up sorta got hit in the crossfire of other brainstuff too so its like. Sad Mrew Noises :(#nondescript personality disorders . Am I right gang#Well it's descript to me. But you see. People are so mean in this world and I am afraid people would think differently of me...#even tho. It Checks Out. It's not a well-kept secret#i should probably make a tag for when I'm Wallowing so it's easily filtered but like. I don't want people going thru it#Or to tag as The Catchall. Events. Because people go through that to be weird yknow.
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I understand the knee jerk impulse to say that the mystery virus going around is just COVID but I think we should not underestimate that other viruses also exist, it's cold outside, no one is fucking masking and a lot of people's immune systems are completely fucking tanked from COVID
which is to say that it's still about COVID even if it's not COVID
#I guess I am also trying to cheer myself up and trust that my home antigen tests were correct#and I did not actually get COVID twice in two months#because that would be frankly fucking terrifying
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#excuse the upcoming midnight ramble#but man am i awful at socializing...#i messaged an old friend the other day (a highschool friend i haven't talked to in 7 years ✌🏻)#and we had like a 5 message exchange and that's it cause i'm so bad at keeping conversations going#and like she's not dping very well mentally right now so she's not in the mood to keep the convo energy up#and i want to be nice and helpful but i have no right to ask details about her life (i haven't seen her in 7 years)#we're strangers again and i feel like such a creep trying to force myself into her life again#it's been a week since this and I really want to talk to her again but I don't know if i should?#like she was nice to me and said my message cheered her up and that it was nice that k thought of her#but idk of that was like a ''aw cute now let me go back to my life and you go back to yours''#or like a ''aw cute we should rekindle our friendship and just be like we used to''#and i don't want to assume the latter cause that's just creepy but i also don't want to never message her again?#idk if i should push her a bit or like wait until she's feeling better and try again?#i also feel like super selfish cause i'm treating the situation like ''i want a friend and i chose this one idc what she feels or thinks''#and she's not an object just there to be my friend only because i feel lonely?#like it's not her job?#i hate this idk what i can or can't do or what is creepy and what's nice#i hate socializing#angel talks#personal
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Rat Time Approaches......
#hi guys here in the tags i just wanna say that ive been staying as updated as I can on the Dream situation.#to reiterate i stand with the victims and hope to see Dream deplatformed#but this weekend i doomscrolled to the extent that i wasnt taking care of myself and i cant really afford to continue on like that#i will try and post semi-regularly about it here because i know it's important to not let things get brushed under the rug#but at least for today i am probably gonna liveblog Tubbo then log off for my own good (unless there's a major update)#SORRY i know literally no one asked. but im sharing anyway.#im so excited for this Tubbo stream I had an awful shift today so hopefully this will cheer me up#hope you all are doing amazing btw! manifesting wonderful things for u!#doodle.txt
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#doodling hassan cuz that usually cheers me up#kinda heelpin a little kind of.#also trying to visualize shit in my head its the same thing i always telll myself and its kind of comforting but equally. man#this shit sucks#why couldnt i just be normal in the head. im tired of like. barely living ykwim#its easier to see myself as mental because i am mental and i am neurotic but#i just.......... dont want other people to think im mental even though thats clearly whats going on#im just sufferin for no reason and i need to make the steps to get better i guess#i had a therapist but it was for transitioning not for my depression or anxiety#it was just to prove i was trans#and im glad abt that but. that doesnt fix the underlying problem#i still have problems a lot of them#i hate that ive been like this since middle school#idk im rambling#gonna sleep soon anyway. itll help#im tired#i dont wanna do this anymore#i just wanna be happy and normal
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moi j'ai même pas l'option de prendre des mauvaises décisions météorologiques wesh, on est en alerte rouge cycloniques, donc interdiction de quitter le domicile. du coup tu devrais nous accompagner dans notre confinement je trouve! même sans obligation externe, décide tout seul comme un grand d'être prudent et de rester chez toi, yayyy?
alerte rouge cyclonique, c'est très inquiétante ! j'espère que tu et les tiens restez sains et saufs dedans et que les cyclones ne se matérialisent jamais !!
ici c'est pas si mauvais mais j'aurais dû t'écouter tout de même, parce que j'ai fini par rebrousser chemin quand mon amie n'a pas pu me rencontrer à cause de la congélation des serrures de ses portières...et au bout du compte il m'a fallu une heure et demi pour rentrer parce que j'étais déjà en route quand elle me l'a dit 😂 et j'ai dû aller tout le long du chemin jusqu'au centre-ville pour changer de bus ! et puis il y avait des détours bien sûr !! finalement je suis chez moi, au chaud, et je laisse tomber. d'accord, j'ai compris la leçon 😩 plus d'aventure pour moi, j'en ai ras le bol, merci !
#c'était abSURDE like i should have just turned around and gone home when my first bus didn't show up#but instead i decided to walk to another major street and try the bus line there. walked down a hill in the semi dark which was stupid#then waited ten minutes for the bus. almost as soon as i got on the bus my friend called me#but at that point i figured i should just go downtown anyway to transfer because i didn't fancy walking back up that hill#i did have a stroke of luck when i got downtown though because there was only one of my buses coming for like 40 minutes#and i just BARELY got to the stop in time. phew. but then the driver took us on the most convoluted detour???#and he didn't warn us so everyone was SO confused. i knew we were gonna detour because i had just been on another bus#going the other direction that had to detour. but the way the driver was going i legit could not tell if he was detouring or just lost lol#anyway! take care & stay safe! thank you for your advice‚ i will listen to you la prochaine fois!!#asks#anon#anyway if anyone wants to send me asks tonight i am Just Sitting Here#i need to cheer myself up so maybe i will watch a movie or something#actually i'm thinking about this more and an hour and a half to get downtown and back is not actually that bad#it's twice as long as usual but still considering the conditions it wasn't bad. but the thing is i was sooo cold and felt sooo stupid
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my partner and i broke up so I am now going to be a slut (I am emotionally incapable of being a slut)
#we were on a break with a time limit and they decided to call it off before the time limit#so to some extent this was inevitable#because why would we be on a break if we were compatible?#im such an idiot for believing someone who couldn't commit to me after several months could commit to me after 2 more months#i don't even know if i truely believed it or if i was lying to myself to try and delay my heart break#after we broke up i downloaded dating apps to see if they would cheer me up#because they apparently cheer him up! give him the validation i couldn't!#but they didn't cheer me up#they made me feel worse#because thats not how i experience connection and validation#and it doesn't make sense to me that anyone does#they probably have several dates already scheduled!#whenever we broke up the first time he went on a date with another person litterally the same day!#and then a few days later they hit me up like hey i miss you would you like to come over and talk things out#and i fucking did! like an idiot !!#and i know that if they try that again anytime in the next month (break time limit i set) im going to fucking fold again!#because im a romantic who believes in giving people chances#they are a great person and were a great partner i am just emotional right now
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guys i love and appreciate the asks and i dont want to sound ungrateful for the asks i have gotten every time i ask for them but pokemon has not been my special interest for three years 😭
#wordy wendy#i try to always be clear that i want asks about my spesh#but i almost never get asks about my spesh#its always like 90% pokemon#and like again i appreciate it so much but i am just going to end up deleting them#the reason that i ask for asks abt my special interest when im sad is intentional because#when asked about my spesh my autism brain snaps on and it overrides my breakdown like its an actual chemical override#when im breaking down i am at my wits end i need to force myself to not be breaking down#im not just saying 'hey cheer me up! lets talk!'#im saying 'here is a thing you can do that will trick my brain into forgetting its sad'#but that only works with my special interests or things i REALLY like to talk about#and fandoms i used to be into don't do that to me. im too exhsuated to talk about stuff like that
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The desire to drop out of college and never go back is so fucking strong… but I can’t quit something without feeling bad about it for a decade later so I really don’t know what to do
#shh shut the fuck up ollie#sorry my brain is just fuzzy and fucked up rn#I have a break coming up soon but like I have three research papers due by the end of the semester and I really just don’t wanna do this#it’s like the impending feeling of dread and doom yk#and like I know I should go back to therapy bc I’ve been feeling like this since idk August I think?? maybe April of last year??#I genuinely think I’ve felt like this since high school consistently and that fucking sucks#because I love that I’m going to college where I am and I got friends but like I’m only here for the fucking film program not all the extra#so I just have to suck it up and get it over with but like I just wanna edit silly little movies not discuss Alexander the Great or#the concept of garbage in society or fucking Scottish imperialism#like I went to college for film not everything else and I just can’t get myself to give a shit anymore#and I’m just sitting in this spiral of shit where I can’t claw myself out of no matter how much I try I’m just in this bottomless pit#and I can’t escape it and my mom just keeps giving me an attitude for not being this cheerful bitch but I just don’t have the energy anymore#and I keep leaving school early because I have such a long break on Tuesday and Thursday so what’s the point but I can’t do that#because I have to pass and to pass I have to go#but I just always feel like shit it’s like an underlying feeling and every time I try and talk to my parents about it#it’s like stfu what do you have to be sad about you’re going to college getting to experience going into the city everyday but I just can’t#I can’t pull myself out of it and talking about it with my parents just feels weird but I can’t talk to anyone else either so I’m just#sitting here waiting for SOMETHING but I have no clue what that something is ykk
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so i went home only to spend halloween mostly alone, freaking out about still being sad and going back to work on wednesday....
#deleted the last one because it was melodramatic.#anyway i took a few minutes to understand why i am feeling all of this today#and i think going home and realizing that i am still incredibly lonely here is what made my day difficult#i really thought going home with my family and celebrating halloween like i always did would instantly fix me or something#that said i'm dumb because my solution to everything is isolating myself further <:o)#which is why i left like 5 discord servers....clown move fr#anyway ty mutuals who still try to cheer me up or like my vent posts so i don't feel like i'm invisible <3
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"I'm not going to sit around here and be used" Okay cool what if I took myself out of the equation then since I'm such a fucking problem
#tw suicide#sky vents like amogus#i am done i cant even tell myself 'not until you finish [blank]'#i cant actually kill myself because i flinch at pain but if i happened to get gravely injured i wouldnt exactly be asking to be fixed#please dont try to cheer me up or distract me or anything i fucking deserve it anyway
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