#because i am not very good at things
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Allow me to introduce myself!
My name is Ian, and I've been here a couple months now, so I probably should have done this sooner, but here's my intro post!
About Me
My name is Ian (what a shocker, I know)
I am 20 years old
I use any pronouns (though I am partial to non-masc ones despite my tragically AMAB nature)
I am a disaster bisexual
I am a dumbass
Some of my favorite things :)
Books
Riordanverse 🔱
The Harry Potter Series (if JKR didn't screw it up so badly with insensitive tropes and being a transphobe) 🪄
The Menagerie Series 🦄
DC Comics (especially Nightwing and Wayne Family Adventures) 🦸🏻♂️
Heartstopper 🏳️🌈
Wikipedia™ rabbit trails 💻
This one specific TLoZ fanfic called Skyward Sword: Saxophone AU 🎷
Music
AJR 🎹
Paramore 🦋
My Chemical Romance 💀
Taylor Swift 🎸
Fall Out Boy 🐑
Daisy The Great 🪞
Sasha Alex Sloan 🥲
Garfunkel and Oates 👩🏼🤝👩🏻
Twenty One Pilots 👨🏻✈️
Hamilton ⭐
Dear Evan Hansen (questionable handling of mental health issues but goddamn it has a ton of bops) 🪟
Ben Platt 🤵
Lady Gaga 💃🏻
Imagine Dragons 🐉
Dodie Clark 🌻
A lot of TV show theme songs apparently 📽️
Games
DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS FIRST AND FOREMOST 🎲
Minecraft ⛏️
The Legend of Zelda (especially Twilight Princess, Majora's Mask, Skyward Sword, and Breath of the Wild, the only ones I've committed a genuine amount of time to) 🧝🏼♂️
Dust: An Elysian Tail (this game never got enough attention) 🗡️
Pokémon 🐀
Mario Kart 🏎️
Kirby's Epic Yarn 🧶
Movies
Wonder Woman ⚔️
Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse 🕸️
The Lego Batman Movie 🦇
The Fault In Our Stars 💔
tick, tick...boom! 🎹
Ponyo 🐟
Avengers: Infinity War 🌌
Captain Marvel 🌟
Megamind 🧠
Onward 🚐
Tangled 💇🏼♀️
Spaceballs 🚀
Honorable mentions:
Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie 🐢
The Emperor's New Groove 🦙
The Mitchells vs. the Machines 🤖
Black Panther 🐈⬛
Rogue One: A Star Wars Story 🌑
Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 3 🦝
Moana 🌊
(Order not exactly concrete)
Shows
The Owl House 🦉
The Last Of Us 🍄
Gravity Falls 🌲
The Legend of Vox Machina 🏰
Helluva Boss 😈
Young Justice 🥷🏼
Arcane 🧁
Good Omens 😈
Inside Job 🥼
Dead End: Paranormal Park 🎢
Amphibia 🐸
Heartstopper 🌈
Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 🐢
Parks and Recreation 🏞️
Steven Universe (Future is overhated) ⭐
Avatar: The Last Airbender 💨
Stranger Things 🚵🏻
X-Men: Evolution ❎
I have several more, these are just what my top ones are
Others
Podcasts: The Adventure Zone (favorite arc: Amnesty) 🪓🌂📕, Welcome To Night Vale 👁️🌵🐈⬛
Animals: Cats, bats, owls, and dogs 🐈🦇🦉🐕
Colors: Purple and sea foam green
Characters: Luz Noceda, Dick Grayson (Nightwing), Ellie Williams, Piotr Rasputin (Colossus), Hunter (TOH), Kamala Khan (Ms Marvel), Wendy Corduroy, Magnus Chase, Raphael Hamato, Link AND Zelda, and Reagan Ridley
Foods: Waffles, tacos, any pasta with alfredo, cheesecake, mint chocolate chip ice cream, and nanimo bars
Activities: Drawing, singing, ukulele/piano, sharing every single piece of my personal information online (as shown above), freaking out over common interests, being silly
Epilogue
I am steadfastly unapologetic for the too much information I have put on here (which goes against my nature as a half-Canadian)
Just kidding. I am so sorry.
Anyways, I hope you had a great time meeting me! I hope I'm cool or something like that :)
#introducing myself#how much is too much#because i am not very good at things#please don't hurt me#if you or a loved one did NOT have a good time meeting me you may be entitled to financial compensation#i am so sorry#why am i apologizing so much#i want food#pinned intro#intro post
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anyone else have multiple traumatic memories associated specifically with holidays/family vacations? because that is a topic I never see discussed in all the So You Had A Shitty Childhood, Now What? self-help books i've been reading. but for me, it was a significant thing. and the more i think about it the more it seems like this would be an (unfortunately) common experience. would be grateful to hear if this matches other peoples' experiences...
#not a shitpost#serious post#ask to tag#tw trauma#cptsd#c-ptsd#and if so we should TALK about it#because it means there are a whole group of survivors out there whose mental health regularly worsens during holidays#like i know i am most certainly not the only person who feels an undefined Dread hanging over christmas/my birthday/july 4 etc#bc too many shitty things happened during those times and now my brain is hypervigilant bc traditionally these are the Danger Times#and this seems like it would be particularly common for survivors of abusive/dysfunctional households (aka most people with c-ptsd)#because holidays/vacations typically mean 1) the whole family is together/being forced to interact#2) and undergoing external stressors e.g. travel/relatives aka 'outsiders' visiting/routines & coping mechanisms being interrupted etc#3) there is social pressure for this to be a Fun Family Bonding Experience which only highlights the cracks in the foundation#and exposes the common Everything Is Fine/We Are A Happy Family lie#4) the cognitive dissonance of feeling tired/anxious/stressed/afraid during a time when you are 'supposed' to be Making Good Memories#and then everyone is angry/tired/anxious/triggered and things boil over and something or someone goes Very Wrong#weird that i'm posting this in october when halloween is...sort of the ONLY holiday i have only good and happy feelings towards#i got lucky there#also i have positive feelings towards Labor Day but that's for socialist reasons
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Star Wars: The Sub Awakens
Aka, Anakin has a very ill-timed ~realization~
This is my contribution for Sub Anakin Fest [@anakinfest], which I actually didn’t sign up for but decided to butt in on anyway! As such, this doesn’t correspond to any prompts :)
#subanakinfest#star wars#obikin#anakin skywalker#obi wan kenobi#sw fanart#fanart#art#please please tell me if I went about this the wrong way because I have no idea what I’m doing#it’s a very good thing the deadline kept being pushed back because I literally just finished this today 💀#I am HORRIBLE#anyway I’m glad I got it done because I really wanted to participate#ik this is barely subby but it was fun to me at least!
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I'm a doctor, not a miracle worker.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wen ning#wei wuxian#wen qing#jiang cheng#Truly Massive disclaimer here: I am a Jiang Cheng enjoyer. I like his character. I enjoy that he is very flawed and volatile.#This episode of the audio drama has a lot of great breakdown scenes featuring JC - and they all deserve a feature.#But underlying this comic is a small meta comment of 'ah man I have too many comics of JC just wailing sadly'#My goal is to draw 6-8 comics per episode - I sometimes have to truncate and cut good scenes out.#Especially when a large majority is just different flavours of trauma and toxic relationships to your self-worth.#I would also like to make a note here that just because you lose the ability to do something that is very tied to your core identity-#-does not mean your life is over. It will feel like the end of the world. It will send you into a spiral of grief. It will hurt so badly.#Sometimes we do not realize how tied up our identities can be in certain things until we are cut loose.#You don't lose yourself. I promise the pain will fade in time. I promise you will find other things to tether you. I promise you will be ok#Life moves forwards. Time moves forwards. You move forwards.#Ego death just means an opportunity for ego rebirth. You are never committed to being the same person forever.#To wrap this around to JC: Yeah I love the twist with the core transfer but man I would have loved to see JC accept the loss.#Obviously it happens for a reason (story) but I can have my AUs. I can have these 'what-ifs'.#described in alt text#I'm trying it out! *please* give me feedback - I want to eventually Add image ID to all of these comics one day
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Something I’ve been thinking about lately is that small moment in “Air Turtle” where immediately after the Daves lose yet another game, Leo says how sorry he is and how he’s doing his best as the mascot. This moment is so short but it’s honestly jam-packed with a whole heap of characterization.
His need to apologize for things clearly not his fault - especially when it feels like he messes up the job he was given despite doing the best he can (the phrase “it’s not about you” takes a new meaning when this is one of the lessons to be learned from that - that he is not always solely responsible for things going wrong), his need to save face and make a connection with an older adult man in his life (something he consistently does throughout the series - he’s got a few daddy issues, always collecting potential father figures, it’s no wonder he jumps at the bit to keep rapport), and the way he sounds and looks and the words he chooses really pushes how he is just a kid (“Mr. the Dunk, I’m so sorry”).
Like I know it’s a one off moment that doesn’t truly mean much, but when put against the rest of the series it works really well with the rest of Leo’s established character and helps in solidifying later concepts as well.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#rise leo#rottmnt headcanons#am I looking too much into things? almost assuredly yes#I actually appreciate how tim immediately goes ‘it’s not your fault’ as well? like he could’ve just blamed this 15/16 year old but he didn’t#but yeah this moment got to me a little mainly because it made me realize that Leo…DOES take responsibility for things a lot#he messes up a ton yeah but he says sorry at a pretty consistent rate#and y’know thinking about it#THIS IS TINFOIL HAT TERRITORY BE WARNED#he’s mentioned being betrayed by his brothers before - I wonder if it was something as simple as taking the fall for like#breaking something of Splinters or whatever#point is it wouldn’t be out of the ordinary for him to get the full blame for something only partially his fault#or not his fault at all in some cases#like in bug busters where Raph gets mad at Leo for not getting captured with them#(I understand Raph’s mindset here a ton - Raph’s the leader and he’s likely lashing out so I don’t blame the poor kid)#but this plus the moment at the beginning of the movie#where only Leo is reprimanded despite Mikey and Donnie having full autonomy to join the fun pizza stacking#make no mistake this is not at all a diss on everyone else!!! it’s just something I noticed#I think that “it’s not about you” doesn’t just pertain to being arrogant and wanting the spotlight#I think it’s also about how responsibility is meant to be shared#and like#Leo DOES mess up a lot! so he’s honestly probably used to having the blame because it is often at least somewhat warranted#he’s specifically described as being good at apologizing after all#tldr: Leo messes up a lot of the time so he is very used to blame and attention both good and bad#even when the full blame should not be solely on his shoulders
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cw: mentions of scarring, canon-typical violence, flashback (not graphic), minor body horror (again, not graphic, mostly just emotional feelings about scars)
♦️♦️♦️♦️♦️♦️♦️♦️♦️♦️
Everyone gave him weird looks when they walked in, quickly schooling their features when they noticed he was awake and watching them.
He didn’t know exactly what that was about.
They had him on a lot of good drugs.
But eventually he got weaned off them, and he noticed the pull of bandages on his side, and his arm, and his neck, and his face.
He was still unable to get out of bed. Still couldn’t even reach his arms above his chest for more than a few seconds.
But he damn sure reached up to feel the cloth and plastic surrounding his cheek. How had he not noticed for days? How had no one bothered him about it?
Maybe they had and he just didn’t notice. The morphine was one hell of a drug.
Wayne was soft, patient with him. Saw him touching it, saw the way his eyes filled with tears. He’d never been particularly vain, hadn’t cared much about what he looked like to others, but this felt bigger than that. This felt like he was changed in a way that everyone could see.
Add it to the list of things people could bully him for.
He cried himself to sleep, Wayne’s hand in his, silently comforting in the way he’d always done.
When he woke up again the next morning, he was alone.
It was the first time he’d been alone since the boathouse.
He could swear he heard bats outside his door, screams coming from the attached bathroom, flashes of someone dying on the ceiling.
He felt the sharp sting of teeth puncturing his skin.
He felt hopelessness creep into his bones as he gave in.
Maybe this time they would finish the job.
“Eddie!”
Steve Harrington’s voice broke through the thoughts, panicked enough to bring Eddie back to his hospital bed within a second of hearing it.
“Shit, are you okay?” He continued, hand brushing against Eddie’s bandaged cheek.
Eddie nodded once, closed his eyes, leaned into the touch.
He could blame it on any number of things if Steve felt weird about it. The morphine, the flashback, the loneliness.
“You’re okay, Eddie. I promise. Won’t let anything happen to you,” Steve whispered.
Eddie believed him.
He fell back asleep with Steve’s hand gently cupping the mangled side of his face.
If Steve could still touch him there, then maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.
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Steve came by every day, sometimes in the early morning, before visiting hours officially started, sometimes well after Wayne had left to get some sleep. He always smiled when he walked in, a genuine one, not the one everyone else gave that was so fully of pity and pain he couldn’t bear to make eye contact. He sat down on the side of the bed, not the chair like everyone else, not scared to be close.
And every single day, without fail, he would run his finger along the edge of Eddie’s bandage on his face, watching his own movements and cataloging any changes.
Eddie sat quietly, still, scared to put words to anything happening. Scared to tell Steve what it meant to him to have someone acknowledge his pain in this way. Scared to think Steve could mean anything by it.
It was easy to pretend Steve was doing this because he cared.
Maybe he did care.
But he didn’t care the way Eddie wanted him to, needed him to.
So he stayed quiet, still.
He watched.
He fell asleep while Steve talked about his day, the kids, what Joyce made Hopper do around the house.
He woke up alone most days, but that was okay, because Steve would be there eventually.
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“You ready to get that thing off?” Wayne asked, gesturing to the bandage.
“Oh. Today?” Eddie suddenly didn’t want to ever be without the bandage. Removing it meant he’d see what was under it.
It meant seeing how much that place had ruined him.
The pull of the stitches hadn’t been as obvious with the pull of the bandage masking it.
But now it’s all he felt.
The nurse smiled at him as she put some antibiotic cream over the area, saying he would probably still have to keep it extra clean for the next week or so while the stitches did their job.
Wayne smiled at him in the way that meant he didn’t really want to smile at all, but knew Eddie needed him to.
Steve didn’t come.
Eddie didn’t sleep.
♦️♦️♦️♦️♦️♦️
He woke up with panic in his chest and a silent scream in his throat.
He woke up with Steve’s hand on his face.
Gentle, soft, but a strong comfort.
“Promise I washed them first. They said we have to be careful about germs,” Steve said quietly.
“You don’t have to. I know it’s…it’s gross. It’s ugly. I’m ugly.”
Steve shook his head. “No. Not gross. Not ugly. Alive.”
“Steve-“
“You’re alive, Eddie. You could have your entire face held together by staples and you would still be a miracle. You’d still be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
Well, Steve’s charm wasn’t an exaggeration, was it?
He wasn’t even sure if the skin barely pulled together could blush anymore, or if the heat that should be on his cheek was burning on the outside the way it felt like it was on the inside.
“It’s gonna be awful when it heals. I saw it in the mirror.” Eddie could feel every stitch in his jaw, the few that spread across the corner of his mouth and bottom lip, the ones that were nearly up to his ear. “I’ll always have a crooked face. The scar will always be huge. It’s all anyone will see.”
“Then they aren’t looking.”
Eddie bit his lip, eyes searching Steve’s. “But you are.”
“No. I’m seeing. There’s a difference. I see you. I see what you’ve survived. I see the mark it left on you. I know it wasn’t just the scars that cover your skin.” Steve leaned his head down, touching Eddie’s forehead with his own. “We all have them. And we’re all still here. Your heart’s beating. That’s all that matters to me.”
“Who knew you were so good with words?” Eddie smiled sadly.
“Robin says I’m just good at not having a filter.”
“She’s right as always.” Eddie wrapped his fingers around Steve’s wrist, turning as slowly as he could to kiss his palm. “You’re not scared of it.”
“No. Are you?”
“I’m scared that you’ll change your mind when it’s always there as a reminder of what happened.”
Steve kissed his nose, making him smile for the first time in what felt like years.
“I’ll have the reminder that I got you out of there. That no matter what, the bats couldn’t finish the job. That you were stronger and you made it.” Steve let his hand drop, but quickly laced his fingers with Eddie’s. “I know it’s a lot to ask of you to trust me, but will you? For today?”
“Just today?”
“I’ll ask again tomorrow.”
“And what? Every day after that?”
Steve smirked.
His eyes were glistening with tears, but Eddie could tell it wasn’t sadness or fear.
“If that’s what I have to do.”
They hadn’t even talked about feelings, not really. Nothing that made any sense to Eddie, nothing that they could define. A part of Eddie was still convinced he was in a coma and dreaming this entire conversation up.
But even the nurse had noticed the way Steve watched him, how he touched him, how he fought for him. She said he’d been a firecracker from the moment he carried him into the hospital, dripping blood on the tile, staining the halls with his demands for help.
Wayne said he barely left his side the first day, only doing so when the doctors had told him they would call the cops if he didn’t.
Erica even noticed how things had changed between them, stating that she refused to watch her babysitter and the only DM she had respect for make out.
But Steve held Eddie, made him feel like he could get out of the hospital bed and live a life that wouldn’t keep him running. Steve was there.
Steve might even love him. If not now, then some day.
And Eddie could trust him today.
He could probably trust him tomorrow.
“Kiss me?” Eddie probably shouldn’t. The stitches tugged when he talked, and another mouth anywhere near his wounds was just asking for an infection.
But Steve would be careful. He knew what Eddie could handle.
It was barely a kiss. A graze of the lips at most.
But it was the best kiss Eddie had ever had.
At least until tomorrow.
#steddie#steve harrington#eddie munson#stranger things#drabble#yall I am having thoughts about Eddie with a very large face scar and it led to this#I know people have drawn stuff before but I’m#I mean like what I am thinking is from his bottom lip across his entire jaw#to his ear and then down his neck#and it’s not remotely even or straight#very jagged when it heals because they weren’t really aiming for stitching it straight they just wanted to get it closed#also a firm believer that Steve has no filter at all and is SO GOOD at romantic declarations because of it#like he doesn’t edit anything#if he loves you you’ll know because he says I love you in all words except those at first#anyways wrote this during dessert for my besties birthday dinner so#not checking for typos hope there aren’t any lmao#if my phone autocorrected she’s probably wrong
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#*giggles*#(but like m y s t e r i o u s l y)#i totally did not post this two hours ago then deleted it after like 11 seconds because i saw a random pixel i didn't like#aaaanyway#yes hi i have 75 different artstyles#yall ever just draw one thing and then you're like “hmmmmmmmm what if i drew another one..........”#then proceed to suffer trying to make the styles match#i am very inconsistent#also my relationship with lineart is complicated#i stop doing it for 6 months then come back like h i#then ditch it again#no but look how r o u n d i made aziraphale look tho#just l o o k a t h i m#imma squish him#and he'll make that pufffff noise like one of those soft squishy fidget toys#*sobs*#ilovehimsomuch#good omens#ineffable husbands#aziraphale#crowley#aziracrow
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So, so many queer people, I've noticed, can put themselves in precarious situations wherein they feel accepted by people and the queer person would do anything for those who accept them, even if it is harmful to them, even if it is scary. It feels like you are indebted to those who accept you because you know that isn't the case for every person you meet. To so many queer people, they are afraid to upset others who accept them (or "accept" them) because they are so scared of rejection. This is completely human and completely normal. But that doesn't mean you deserve to be taken advantage of. You deserve to be treated as an equal because you inherently are an equal - to everybody.
Please know that the people who truly, truly respect and care for you will understand when you can't do everything. They will still respect you, because you are a human being. Saying "no" is neutral at worst. You deserve to honour yourself, too.
#queer#lgbt#lgbtq#i felt this (and feel this) so hard as a trans person and i think that can easily become dangerous...#...because saying 'no' is vital i think. it's something i am so bad at in part because of my queerness and not feeling accepted by it...#...and yes we are responsible for this part of ourselves but also... it does make you vulnerable#genuine support is very important but that isn't the same as being indebted to people for being accepting you know?#i just worry for other queer people who also feel this way and i just want us all to feel more confident in our place and what we deserve...#...because we deserve good things! we deserve to let others down without worrying that we are terrible awful people who won't be accepted
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i am so charmed by a lumax wedding because it’s not even something max thought would happen. like she assumed weddings were something the girl makes happen and the guy puts up with. and because she had no desire for one, so there’s no reason it would happen.
among other things weddings are an exorbitant and performative show of love, max loves lucas and she doesn’t care whether or not other people know or believe this. at it’s best marriage to her has been a representation of failed dreams and at it’s worst it’s been a tool to manipulate people who need to get away to stay. maybe they will get married for the tax benefits, she thinks.
this is until max and lucas are older and living together, they’re chilling on the couch and lucas mentions his family has been asking when he’s planning to propose and if that’s something max even wants? max doesn’t care, she doesn’t plan on going anywhere, a certificate won’t change anything and she's not crazy about parties. she doesn’t ask how he feels, he brings it up, that “actually i want a wedding.”
that is saying the least, lucas wants a wedding more than anything. he loves max and he doesn’t need to prove that to anyone, but he’s happy and he wants to share that with others! he wants to work with max to make marriage a positive thing to them, he wants to celebrate their love, everything they’ve been through. also, hell, he’s only human, he wants to show off! he wants to dress really cool and go to a really cool place and show the world know how awesome he and his girlfriend are. HIS WIFE!!!
most of all, lucas wants the moment near the end of the night, where the party’s getting loud and everybody wants his attention, but max asks if he wants to get out of there and he says yes. not out out, just outside the venue. it’s dark and the once booming music is now faint, they sit and catch up, complain about their families, laugh about their friends. max holds lucas’s hand and plays with his wedding ring, she whispers something sweet before asking him to dance. it’s the best part of the night and nobody will know about it but them.
suddenly max decides she wants a wedding.
#lumax#max mayfield#lucas sinclair#stranger things#to be clear i think it isn't really that max becomes excited for a wedding - i think it's more that she is incredibly touched by what it#means to lucas and wants to give that to him#i don't think she would ever be crazy about all that attention on her but she loves that it makes lucas happy and loves how much he cares#about her#and i also think lucas is aware of this. he loves weddings and the idea of being married is romantic and beautiful to him and he loves that#max understands where he's coming from and feels loved by his explination but also he knows it's something he will enjoy more and that's ok#lucas would be a very good wedding planner#also they would have this discussion then formulate oppisite plans catering to the other's love language#lucas would be like 'i'm gonna do something so private and sweet for max to propose' and max would be like 'i am going to go all out in#public to propose' and luckily max gets to hers first because it was way harder to do#nonetheless i am being cheesy ignore me
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stacy is sooo interesting because she's in love with house but knows that they will never ever be able to have a healthy, stable, sane relationship because they're too similar so. she finds house-lite instead and marries him and. essentially moves on with her life! and is successful in this because she's a moderately well-adjusted person!
wilson, in contrast, never manages to escape the inevitable, in spite of his best efforts to find a house-lite of his very own, because he's an absolute fucking freak and ends up glued to house to the bitter. bitter end
#yeah im too sleepy to revise this. UNFILTERED posting wooahh#some may b shocked but i do actually read thru most of my posts several times to make sure i didnt accidentally write mein kampfe 2#recently ive come to the realization that i am in fact not an incredibly chill person#and that the constant paranoia and fear in which i live my life is actually PROBABLY a symptom of severe anxiety#like damn. ive always known that im pretty prone to depression but ive preetty much always been aware of that#my mom is a chronic depressive so i know the symptoms i know the signs i have a pretty good arsenal of healthy coping mechanisms#UNFORTUNATELY mommy's mental health problems did not help her not abuse me as a child#so i ended up being a terribly anxious kid who was constantly being screamed at and told i was overreacting (because i was. because i had#a severe anxiety problem that was making me react irrationally.) to everything all the time#which is you know. it is VERY difficult to deal with a mental health problem when you arent aware you have a problem!#its incredible how much. better. my life has gotten since i figured this out and started actively trying to work out what triggers it#and being able to like. realize 'oookay. there is an Issue here and it needs to be overcome'#instead of just beating on myself constantly for not being able to do things without feeling sick or getting breathing problems!#anyways. trauma dumping in tags is over now!#house md#hilson#greg house#james wilson#stacy warner
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FOR THE LOVE OF BEING CREATIVE PLEASE KEEP DRAWING THOSE DRAWINGS YOU THINK ARE SHITTY, THEY MATTER MORE THAN YOU COULD EVER KNOW JUST BY BEING, JUST BY YOU EXPRESSING YOURSELF, JUST BY YOU WANTING TO MAKE IT AT ALL, LETS HOPE THE FUTURE YOU HAS LEARNED TO NOT CRINGE AT THE TIMES YOU WERE LEARNING AND HAVING FUN AND MESSING UP AND STILL KEPT GOING BECAUSE YOU WERE ENJOYING CREATING SOMETHING DAMMIT
#hi i am emotional about art#i am emotional about artists that belittle their past selves drawings for not being good enoughh then#littlehint from Me: they were always good enough there is no good enough it exists because you loved whatever you were doing enoug to do it#standards are fake in art just make something i promise it matters what you make matters#i wish i could say things better but im very tired sleepy#you get what i mean#hi artists. please keep drawing if it brings you joy. please learn to not sacrifice joy for perfectionism. i love you all
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breaking the law and outing myself on the internet because i'm showcasing my senior dance thesis on april 28 at 6:30 and 8:30 pm Eastern Standard Time and i want You to see it
we don't have a livestream link yet but we will. in the meantime look at these cool posters and this cool blurb. ok now save the date SEE YOU SOON
#my stuff#my art#these posters went through 14 separate drafts. it was a harrowing and difficult experience#i am Fully Going through it which means 1) physical health is suffering 2) social life also but 3) the thing is going to be so fucking good#sarus is gonna be the best thing ive ever made when we finish it. i Know it#so i want you to see it because it's one of those ambitious stories where everything's bigger than life#and the world is old and young and scary and kind and people live fearlessly and with cowardice#BUT EVERYTHING WILL BE OK. IF YOU JUST KEEP WALKING. this is going to be one of those stories#so many dance blurbs and descriptions are like stupid technical like oh we explored the effect of weighing down our hands and feet#on our Center of Gravity and how it altered the rotational momentum of turns and jumps#or else they're stupid esoteric like oh the wind blew..... and the children wept and all over the world the oceans rose... (global warming)#so i was determined to make this blurb (which is going in the schoolwide email blast) accessible and provocative#and inviting#in a provocative way#im very Locked in rn. im Hyperfocused as fuck. i am not eating as well asi should be but IM TRYING#AND THATS WHAT MATTERS#im inviting all of u bc this is a piece that is going to try and say something and i want everyone ive ever loved to hear it#oghey bye
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Assisting Acquaintance Acquired.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wen ning#wei wuxian#Ignore how Wen Ning's hair looks here because I messed it up. Let's pretend he just sported a different hair style for a brief moment.#I am not exactly great at consistency but I am trying very hard to work on that (immediately messes up again).#Absolutely *love* how Wen Ning clearly remembers and admires WWX...who does *not* recognize him.#This is the best day for Wen Ning and it means *nothing* to WWX. A painful one-sided crush made worse.#It is bittersweet to realize that we care about someone more than they care about us. Sometime we pour love into a relationship-#-with someone who just can't reciprocate. It isn't always a conscious things either. Some people just aren't aware we care.#And painfully - so painfully - You can't make them aware. No act of kindness or gift or self sacrifice will make someone care about you.#You can martyr yourself for someone and they will continue on unchanged.#I think a lot about the parallels between WN and LWJ. Not foils - just reflections. A theme repeated.#People who give so much of themselves to someone who doesn't have the capacity to give any part of themself away.#I will die on the hill of 'Wen Ning would be the love triangle romance if that trope wasn't being avoided'.#And to be honest - thank the stars above that is the case. I do not know any good love triangles in media.#We are skipping some of the sad Jiang Cheng content because I really want to finish season 2 before May.#Sorry JC emo moment lovers...I'll deliver another time.
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There's something about like. A certain genre of posts / Online Opinions about insecurity/depression/misery/complaints that are so unhelpful that they wrap right around to being straight up hilarious.
and it's the ones that are more or less written to the tone of "Feeling bad? That's gross!"
Like, just so you know, don't voice your insecurities/ have low self esteem, because that's offputting! You're gross and weird. Don't be insecure about that, though. That would be stupid if you felt insecure about people disliking you for being insecure. Not attractive. You should be thinking about being as attractive as possible.
You shouldn't make comments about suicide, even if you're suicidal! Keep those thoughts entirely to yourself. Make sure nobody around you knows you're thinking about this. It would Make Them Uncomfortable. It's better to keep these thoughts in your head where they can fester.
Don't post OR talk to friends with complaints about you feeling miserable or depressed. Tbh people who are sad/upset a lot? Kinda a red flag! You are probably miserable because you're a bad person and you've brought this on yourself. If you don't have friends, it's because you're awful to be around. Easy! Solved the problem for you. And no, there is no nuance to this, got it?
So, make sure to feel bad about feeling bad, but don't feel bad about it, because, well, that's just gross. And annoying! You might've wanted your brain rotted thoughts to be Peer Reviewed, you might have just needed to vent- you might've been hoping for some comfort, to get things off your chest. Well, don't! Don't talk about thoughts or feelings that are negative with your friends, you'd be burdening them and that's only meant for THERAPY. #SponsoredbyBetterHelp #MentalHealth
like, DAMN. that's so helpful. you're so good at helping. I um really liked the part where these are all hard and fast rules that encourage keeping feelings bottled up and keeping your friends at arm's length. That's really funny of you.
#I FEEL LIKE COMPLAINING RN in the context of this alternate universe these posts live in. that makes me evil rn. I may not even keep#the post up. but I Needed to complain about these bc I hate seeing them#really funny and good because it very much feeds into that part of the brain where you go wait am I stupid? am I horrible? am I annoying?#before you express any kind of personal feelings. from feeling insecure alll the way down the spectrum to feeling like your life is over#before anyone How Dare You Say We Piss On The Poor-s at me YES there is a nuanced version of this#which is. you can make someone feel like shit (A Fellow Sufferer Of The Mental Eelnesses) by using them as your dumping ground#in excess and usually with no regard for how they feel and without Regular conversations inbetween#and in a one-sided way where they can't do the same and complain with you as a sounding board in return#don't tell new friends you hardly know abt THE MOST personal shit you can possibly think of. there are steps being skipped here#right? we know this. we all know it. setting a boundary is a thing. overwhelming a person is a thing#on the other hand there is such a thing as a friend who IS okay to listen and wants to help. and friends who relate.#maybe talking abt personal stuff makes ppl feel closer sometimes. just a thought! maybe not everything is Emotional Labor. maybe just maybe#but like come on. these are almost intentionally unhelpful posts#long post
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i was thinking about this line from my fic:
But the fall had hurt, too. Because the wind had cut into his useless wings like knives, his skin and grace peeling away under the friction, and he had been looking right up at the multicoloured and unreachable expanse of sky just to see it fade from his eyes into dull greys.
and i came up with this. i hope the vision came through
#fearandhatred#fearandpoetry#<- check out this tag for some relatively more normal poetry#this was written at 3 am once again#i am really just out here doing anything#don't think this needs much explanation but i shall yap anyway#this is just crowley through the ages but as he discovers more about the earth he also finds more things he can compare hurt to#because in the beginning all he could compare the wind cutting into him with was the wind itself#and also abandonment. because imo that is one of the first Big Negative Emotions he ever felt besides his dreams being crushed lmaoo#but i think it's fun how this poem also implies that he's constantly thinking about how the fall hurt and how everything reminds him of it#this was also very tedious for the perfectionist in me and the proportions are STILL off#because i only drafted out the wings lmao i was not planning on including the head#then i was like wait what if people don't realise that it's wings#so that happened#and changing the proportions means changing the structure which i do not want to do#good omens#good omens season 2#ineffable husbands#aziracrow#crowley#aziraphale#good omens poetry#good omens fanart#yeah tagging this as fanart because i had to draw everything out first lmao#poetry#writing
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Hi! Hope you're having a lovely day ✨️
Valeria and Gaz with a fashion designer s/o! Dressing them up and using them as a practice model to test new designs... this has nothing to do with my need to put Valeria in a suit, ofc not
Anon, you're so galaxy brained for wanting to put Valeria in a suit in all honesty! She'd look so good in one because women always look good in suits!
Gaz and Valeria with a Fashion-Designer!S/O
Gaz: He’d honestly be so flattered you wanna use him as a practice model. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a very pretty man and he’s well aware of that fact, but he didn’t think he’d ever get that sort of privilege. The first time you measure him he’s a bit confused, but complies, asking you with a chuckle about what you’re doing. However, as soon as you present him with a jaw dropping suit that leaves every other one in the dust, he’s a big fan. While he may have supported you from the very beginning as soon as he heard that you’re a designer, his support skyrockets as soon as you present him with the first piece of clothing for him to wear. He feels so very fancy wearing it. He may be used to wearing fancy clothing from time to time when invited to certain occasions, such as weddings, but he never really paid much mind to that sort of thing. Once you’ve put the first article of clothing on him, he’ll ask you if you wanna use him as a practice model again at some point. Only if you feel like it, of course. He hopes you’ll say yes, he loves how creative you are and the things you create. You’re a lovely designer who puts their heart and soul into it all, and it shows. Although unprompted and despite it being a bit silly, he’ll also pose and do that one walk models do where they sway their hips. He feels pretty in your clothing. If he can afford it, which he likely can, then he’ll even buy some of the things you’ve made. And yes, he will 100% wear them as well, doesn’t matter if it’s a fish tail or if it’s a shirt with a dragon on it. He unironically loves it and will wear it whenever he can.
Valeria: She chuckles a bit when you ask her to put on some clothing you made. Valeria is a very attractive woman, and she knows it, so she’s not at all surprised when you ask her to put on a suit. She’s worn those before, and every time she has she was turning heads left and right. If you blush while seeing her in a suit then she’ll chuckle and trap you against the wall before letting you continue whatever it was you were doing. Like Gaz she wholeheartedly supports you, and she’ll own every single article of clothing you’ve ever created. While she may not have the time to wear them all every time, you will catch her wearing your creations from time to time, if there’s no danger of them tearing. Valeria’s glad that you trust her enough to want her to try on all your prototypes and will gladly pose like a professional model for you and you only. The first time you measure her she, too, would be a bit confused and would ask you regarding what you’re doing, but afterwards she’s more than happy to model for you whenever she can. She doesn’t have a whole lot of time for that, but the things you do for love. If you ever want a real, professional model, she can arrange one, though, it’s no problem for someone like her. Besides, she has a pretty good eye for fashion as well, so she can give you some hints regarding what could look good and what might be a complete no go. You don’t have to do as she says, but she will point it out if you do. If she ever does find herself having the time and there’s a fashion show that shows some of your clothing, then she’ll watch it and jokingly tell you that she looked better in your clothes than all those models did. If you ever need some creative inspiration then I’m sure Valeria can help you as well, she’s seen plenty of things and is always more than happy to help you. Besides, she can get just about anything as well, so you really don’t need to fret if you wanna feel the fabric of something yourself.
#cod#cod x reader#kyle gaz garrick#kyle gaz garrick x reader#gaz x reader#valeria garza#valeria garza x reader#y'all would never guess who got sick again -.- but hey! at the very least I'm doing home office this time instead of resting up!#this request made me realise just how gay I would be for Valeria Garza. the one and only. to wear a suit#I need her to wear a really fancy suit and show herself off because she'd look so so good in it#sometimes I do go on pinterest and look up women in suits just because my heart can barely take it#women in suits are my ambrosia and I am so glad they exist. more women should wear suits in all honesty#maybe next month when I've gotten paid again I will commission someone to draw Valeria in a suit#naturally I will share it here because everyone deserves to see that sort of thing#the thought alone makes my heart sing with joy I think I will do that#Valeria is among best girls and I would force the world to stop spinning just to make her happy
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