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#bc I haven’t finished new art
dandyleyen · 4 months
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edsbacktattoo · 8 months
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I bet there’s some insane foliage.
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456art · 2 months
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the playlist for my Curse of Strahd character needed a cover image so I obliged
quick thing but p happy how it turned out
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chopshajen · 7 months
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4. Another extremely late-night doodle, this time of Marrow
He’s my alt Tav warlock who exists only to look good LOL I can’t even start to think about actually playing an alternate character when Anattone, my main, isn’t even done with Act 1. I’m going so comically slowly. There is so much more to play through LOL
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iinmysights · 11 months
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i’m in the fucking trenches
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lovedrruunk · 25 days
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It would be so cool if you could write a venture x reader where Y/N is too nervous to speak to Venture so Mercy wingmans for them‼️
‘The best wingwoman ! ଘ(˵╹ᴗ╹)━☆
Venture (Overwatch) x GN reader
Authors note!; super cute request!!! Did I tell u guys I'm a mercy main…. DISGUSTING I KNOW!! But I also main Ana so it cancels out… also tbh there’s a lot of requests that I haven’t gotten to *YET* simply bc idk how to go about them :( but this one came to me rlly easily !! Ty!!! also finished this whole thing while listening to phantom of the opera on repeat for 2 hours (i need 2 write a moira fic omg...) UPDATE: HELLO??? THE MERCY MYTHIC? okok ill stfu now sry!!
Earlier today, you were dragged to a work party by your colleague and guardian angel, Angela Ziegler. You begged her to let you stay home, but she refused, saying she wouldn't be able to go without you since you were the only coworker she actually enjoyed spending time with. And so, being the amazing friend you are, of course, you agreed to go to keep her company!... Just kidding!
Angela knew you too well. Once she mentioned that the cutie from the Wayfinder Society was attending, you did a complete 180, now asking her what you should wear. She couldn't help but laugh at your reaction, amused at how predictable you were when it came to romance.
Sloane Cameron, also known as Venture, also known as the cutie from the Wayfinder Society, had quickly captured your attention ever since you first met them a couple of months ago when the Wayfinder Society was adopted by Overwatch as a sub-branch. Being the head anthropologist for Overwatch led you to spending a good amount of time with Venture and their team. Granted, it was just work and sharing data and all that, but you couldn't help but find them super intriguing. They were funny, lively, and so passionate about their work! But as badly as you wanted to get to know them, you just couldn't. Their confidence was a blessing and a curse, being the cause of why you liked them and the cause of why you were so terrified of talking to them.
Every week or so, you and Angela meet up at the cafeteria at Overwatch's headquarters to catch up while drinking your morning coffee/tea/whatever, which you of course just use as time to gush about your overwhelming crush on your new coworker. But last week... last week, you had decided enough was enough. You made a promise to Angela that by next week, you would at least ask them if they'd want to hang out outside of work. Feeling pumped and confident, you had excitedly gotten all dolled up for the party.
And now, here you were. The party was in an old Victorian mansion with lots of expensive art and chandeliers, nothing less for Overwatch, of course. The first time you had attended a work party, you were extremely underdressed, assuming it was a casual get-together, not at all expecting it to be an elegant and serious "ball" like party. You cringed at the memory before Angela snapped you out of it, handing you a glass of champagne.
"So? Is today the day?" she questions as she leans against the back wall you had been standing next to.
"I don't know, Angela..." you whined as you not so discreetly stared at them from across the room.
It was the first time you had seen them in formal attire, and you couldn’t help but admire how they looked good in everything.
"Go ask them to dance!" She suggested happily.
"What!? No way! I can't dance, especially not with them!"
“Oh, don't give me that! The worst they could say is no."
"'No' is definitely not the worst they could say. They could say 'get away from me' or 'why are you talking to me about something other than rocks' or 'your foundation doesn't match your neck.. and no I would rather drop dead than dance with you'."
"Don't be ridiculous."
"I'm serious!- Wait!! Did you see that? They smiled at the new rookie! What if they like her!? What if they came here together!? What if they're dating!? Married!!? Oh my god, and now they're chatting it up with Tiff from communications! They're laughing, what's so funny!?"
"You have got to be kidding me..."
"Right!? She's not even funnier than me..."
Catching you off guard, Angela grips your shoulders, forcing you to face her.
"Shut up," she says sternly, fighting off the urge to smack you in the face. "Just ask them. You'll never know until you do... And if you don't, I owe that infuriating geneticist twenty bucks..." She murmurs the last part to herself angrily.
"Y'know what? You're right!"
You quickly finish the glass of champagne, putting it on the table next to you. Feeling encouraged by your friend, you take a deep breath before marching towards Venture... right before turning your heel and marching straight back to Angela.
"I feel like I'm gonna throw up..."
"You haven't even said anything!!!"
After a bit of back and forth, Angela is fed up and tells you that if you weren't going to do anything about it, then she will.
As she makes her way towards Venture, you whisper yell at her, begging her to come back and let you give it another try. But knowing you, she decides to ignore your desperate pleas as she continues to happily strut towards them.
From the distance, you can't make out what they're talking about, and it's driving you nuts. Angela's back is facing you, but Venture's face lights up, so you decide to take that as a good sign. And just as you start to smile... Angela turns around and points at you.
You freeze in place for what felt like a year before your eyes focus again. Venture is grinning as they wave to you, and Angela uses her hand to call you over. You force a wide smile (not aware of how crazy you look) as you timidly walk up to the two of them.
"Y/N! I was just mentioning to our sweet Cameron over here how you love to dance! They've never been to a party like this, isn't that crazy!"
"Yeah!! Wayfinder never had the funding by itself to afford something like this! I've never really had a reason to learn how to dance, so I have no clue; was hoping you could teach me!?"
"Me? Oh, sorry! I don't know how to dance!"
"But... Dr. Ziegler just said.."
"I know! Poor little Angie... ever since her last birthday, her memory has been terrible!! Must've confused me with Lena!"
You could feel the death glare Angela was giving you, but you continued to smile innocently at them.
"Well... I guess this would be a good opportunity for us to learn, don't ‘cha think?" Of course. Of course, they would somehow find a solution to your excuse.
"Great idea!!" Angela claps her hands together happily. "Why don't you two head to the dance floor? You'll only learn from experience!"
"I agree!"
Before you can say anything, you're dragged by the hand of a very excited Venture, and although your palms are sweaty and your head is spinning, you can't help but feel so much excitement.
. . .
And so as the dancefloor clears and the two of you are making your way out to the gardens, you spot a grinning Angela and a scowling Moira putting away her wallet.
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airborneice · 4 months
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i'm late to this year’s art review thingy bc I had a reeeally busy december and then left my laptop behind when I came home so couldn’t finish any drawings or get my files 🥲 anyway I’ve been reunited with it now so!!!
it’s been a weird but mostly good year!! i started my first proper job in the anim industry and moved house twice. there’s tons of stuff i wanted to make this year but couldn’t find time for bc of the amount of. everything. going on all the time. it was actually a bit hard finding art to fill the spaces this year, which is why i had to stretch my little amount of sketchbook week stuff over two months. it’s been a little bit frustrating - i feel like i’ve learned so much from my job but i haven’t had much time to do anything to show it, but i guess that’s the trade-off. it’s cool being a small part of someone else’s idea but that means i get less time & energy for my own. i want to try and strike a better balance between the two this year and i really hope that soon i’ll be able to share the thing i’m working on i’m literally gonna die of excitement 😭
it’s been really cool getting to make more content of my ocs and see ppl enjoy it, you guys and the nice comments you leave are everything to me. i hope this new year is kind to everyone and thanks for sticking around <3
some of these i haven't posted so to give due credit -
*feb was a gift for @ewwgene-fitzherbert of our blorbos <3
*september is fanart of @the-hilda-librarians-wife’s amazing OC meiri. there will be more
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byghostface · 1 month
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//long rambling
There is a vent in the last part (about pro ship:/+ wired shipping + block list) it's naturally negative so reading at your own risk.
So in the new Batman and Robin issue #7 Nika's sister making an appearance, got me thinking of other possibilities for sibling characters to come back.
Mostly I’m thinking about Respawn since he is Joshua Williamson's own character. And He made Respawn appeared in the last issue of Robin(2021), he also brought back Mara in that run too (just some appearance in the later issue).
And now Joshua Williamson is writing Batman and Robin, so naturally he can bring some characters back in this run. He had said in an interview that he might have figured out a way(try) to bring back Maya.
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Throwback to 2022 of this old wip/art I made, is about what I think the emo teens of Lazarus squad dynamic would look like.
I imagine Nika and Respaw are irritated/tolerate with each other but would stay for Damian because Nika is Damian's girlfriend and they want to stick together. Meanwhile, Damian likes to include his half-brother in some fun activities (Respawn is acting reluctant bc of his own issues but he actually likes to have friends and feel include).
I haven’t finished this art bc I was going to add more wips (with other characters like Rose and Hawke) to make it a post. I didn't finish this art back then bc I was afraid Talia fans would be mad at me for drawing Respawn.
Trust me, I hate that Talia gets associated with Deathstroke like this, but I think Respawn is a confused/mistreated teen character and Damian (bless his heart and soul) still wants to be his brother regarding the whole mess. I will explain/talk more about my thoughts on Respawn as a character and his situations once I finish these drawings and get ready to post them.
Writing/typing words is harder than drawing for me personally. Drawing is like channeling my energy into a picture and forming an atmosphere and hopefully people will understand what thoughts and feelings I was trying to convey. Writing is using more brain powers to choose the correct and cohesive words, so people would not misunderstand what I'm talking about. Especially when English is not my first language, and even so I normally don't talk(write) much in my mother tongue either…(I'm not a quick thinker, it took me a longer time to think things through, writing literally exhausted me physically and mentally more than drawing.)
It doesn't mean I don't enjoy writing, it's just not my first choice to convey thoughts… but considering I can't draw everything I have in my mind and it takes even longer time to finish any art, I just need to write down things first from now on. Tumblr is the only place I can think of that has this longer text feature blog post and I'm more familiar with this platform format. So I will still be here posting my fan content.
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(↓Vent, if you want to avoid being block by me then read down below.)
I must say I will forever hate respawn x flatline as ship, cus I know who started this ship and their reasons behind it—Don’t let the new character develop naturally as the story goes, let’s put them in made-up weird situations first so I can prop up my own ship!😍 And get both of the new characters out of the way, since no one would defend them so I can fanon the hell out of them by making them look bad all around!🤞 (What if I stone you first hand🪨🪨💥)
And I will continue to dislike/against any shipping Damian's sibling to Nika. I simply don't like the unnecessary sibling conflict just for romance tropes! So go away boooo I hate you‼️ Not to mention the ignoring of different age range multi-ship hide behind poly… that's straight up proshipping I hate you even more!!👎
Also for people who said Nika should be crush on Damian's mother instead of him… I hate you twisted proshipper rotten smooth brain‼️‼️ She dating a boy her age and has mutual connections with him, why would she crush on her boyfriend's mother instead?? Just because Nika is a big fan of Talia??? So you telling me young ppl can't idolize adults normally without being labeled as romantic nowadays huh??( Not saying you can't crush on adults, but why crush on your boyfriend's mom? ) Your weird ass mind is showing with this ass hc be fr. Again, why would you imagine that? You just wanted to push a fake narrative of Nika being wired so you could have an excuse to make Talia and Damian dislike her (which is not true), but in fact is YOU are the weird one projecting your twist thoughts/hate onto Nika‼️💥🪨🪨
I will start to block ppl who are shipping/liking respawn x flatline (+proshipper) and STILL interact with me, read the room!! My art is not for you weirdos‼️Go away BOOOO💥 🪨🪨🪨💥💥
Can't believe I need to type this all out cuz some of you weirdos will still do these things and think is okay to interact with me and my post/showing in my notifications BOOO👎🪨🪨💥🪳🪳🪳🩴🩴🩴
(sorry for venting about random weirdos/Nika haters again, and thanks for reading.)
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greenscreen-dress · 10 months
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Vocalsynth doodle page!! I haven’t doodlepaged in ages!!! ^^ Started off with No plan, Song of Eared Robot came up on the playlist so i drew Tetobot, then i just kept going w the singing robots bc they’re the miracle cure for my artblock apparently. Only stopped bc while drawing Po-Uta I made the “mistake” of listening to his demo song and after that I was too busy sobbing /pos to pick a new synth :’D
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If the colour saturation is Way Too Much on any of these uuh blame my computer screen, as always it tells naught but lies but I’m too tired to doublecheck on my phone x). Also i might go back n shade some of these properly, so if i do i’ll tweak the saturation while I’m at it ^^;
Closeups, rambles & more song links below the cut! 
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Kasane Tetobot from the absolute banger Song of the Eared Robot
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Tetobot SV design attempt, it has potential but i’m too attached to the clunky charm of the OG ^^. Mostly listened to this UTAU cover while drawing her, but everyone should check out this masterpiece by suzie with the SynthV VB
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Miku go ooeeoo. No comment no thoughts head empty just :D
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THE GUYYYY :’) if he looks like he’s crying it’s bc i was, see above :D (also suffering bc his hair shape was a pain to draw but MOSTLY bc of the gorgeousness of Humansongs... & then Circus’s banger Right As Rain... and then The Surface by Eggtan which i just discovered today, so nice to find a new original song & it’s so prettyyy... i’m getting sidetracked)
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...Girl if someone stuck me in a trenchcoat long jeans knee-high boots and a SCARF as my default outfit my character item would be ice cream too. o7 for the blue boi, I don’t think i’ve ever drawn Kaito before and that absolutely has to change. Also TIL how to draw fans i guess!
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Heehee hoohoohoo the sillay the child the creatura the Otomachi Una. Wanted to see if i could doodle her delightful deviantart OC-lookin design off by heart and I think i mostly got it right? The only major thing i forgot were the horns on her hat, & she felt so wrong once i noticed that i had to add them ^^; I love her somuch :D
Ogh dingus fcuk it’s 1:30 a.m uuuh whoops i go zzz now. The art creativity juices are there, mainly i don’t drawn bc I just take so LONG to get Literally Anything Finished, even a doodlepage like this takes me 7+ hours so i just. don’t sit down & draw if i know it’s gonna eat up my entire day lol. SCHREEPTIME. NOW. :D
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skyf0ckz · 2 months
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I wanna know more about your God’s au👀 and also, is there any art you’d like to make but haven’t yet?
*checks watch* how much time you got? I LOVE this AU. It’s been consuming my mind every waking moment. a lot of the characters information will be on the character sheets I’m making but here’s some info on the 3 boys I’ve been working on most :3 Daniel: an unknown rank of being, only known to be more powerful than Demi gods and about as powerful as Arch Angel. Has the power to produce new stars/light and grow/preserve nature. He trains with Miyagi, who helps him harness his powers. The moment he’s around kreese his wound begins to act up, and occasionally that sparks a memory of his mortal life. He doesn’t know why it happens around kreese but he has a bad feeling about him.
Johnny: between principality and seraphim, but is still gaining everything that comes with his rank. Currently training under kreese, who is helping him harness his physical strength and not just his powers. Has the power to create light, learning to raise the Sun and looking after the heavenly beings. He’s considered a prince. He currently resembles a seraphim but can control what he shows so he tends to only show one pair of wings or none when he’s training.
Bobby: an archangel ordered to protect Johnny. He has been trained under both kreese and Miyagi and is basically a bodyguard. He only holds a small amount of power to control light but has mastered swordplay and his physical abilities. He has two pairs of wings.
I’m currently trying to work out the Hierarchy of the angels, God and heavenly beings, and flesh out the cobra boys. I’m probably going to work on drawing jimmy next as he’s going to be the next heavenly being. Jimmy will be a regular angel, Tommy will be a Demi God and Dutch is currently a mortal! I won’t give away how he knows the other boys…yet ;)
OOF there is a lot of art I’ve wanted to make but haven't gotten around to it or have given up doing it. I have 3 WIPs run and I don’t know when I’ll get around to finishing them, especially since 1 of them is a 9 page comic…
Here’s some ideas I’ve thought of making(and might if people like them):
The cobras heaving Johnny onto a motorbike(just cute boyfriends stuff)
Johnny and Daniel sharing a kiss in the back of johnnys car
the cobras in stsrwars themed Halloween costumes (Bobby 100% suggested it)
lawrusso as Wall-E and Eve screen caps (bc I love @amadeusevenstar Wall-e AU)
here’s one of the WIPs that I may or may not finish (that just so happens to be of my Gods AU)
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tuesday again 12/19/2022
shambling along towards the new year
listening
cotton heads by caravan palace. i think this has been on every spotify wrapped playlist ive ever had. soft and comforting in a way that’s hard for me to describe. this has been part of the background music in some of the softest times of my life, winter-warm and safe and solitary noodling around on some project that involves a lot of fiddling with tiny pieces on a desk. spotify
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reading
houston thrift stores are, predictably, awash with cowboy western novels. mostly it’s every louis l’amour or zane grey possible (no thanks)
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jake logan’s SLOCUM AND THE YELLOWBACK TRAIL is number three hundred and seventy nine in the series, which is quite impressive. i am fascinated when a book attempts to transplant a cowboy into an urban environment so we’ll stick with it for a bit, despite a truly horrible sex scene describing a “rigid pole”. there were no onomatopoeia sex sounds which is both blessing and curse bc the intel SLOCUM gathered during this sex scene seemed like a completely different conversation totally unrelated to the sex he was having. she simply happened to come three times in three pages while telling him everything he needed for Next Location.
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watching
saw several very beautiful movies in the last two weeks, one of which i liked very much.
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Experiment in Terror (1962, dir. Edwards) has one of my favorite Mancini-composed pieces of music but i had never seen the movie it was from. a neo-noir man with an asthmatic rasp puts pressure on a bank teller and her teen sister to rob the bank by terrorizing them through various means. however, despite successfully playing on a lot of Womanly Fears (unexpected phone calls, driving at night, being alone) the fbi. this is perhaps a bit snide since it is extremely good at keeping the tension up through most of the runtime, the leads all did a good job imo— a letterboxed reviewer pointed out the villain played by Ross Martin has a certain chameleon-like quality from scene to scene and it is really arresting, he pops up in some unexpected places to great effect. a well-shot movie, just a hair longer than i wanted it to be, i don’t think any movie could survive the hype i built up in my head after loving than mancini piece so much, and was not quite the vibe i was looking for on the afternoon i finished it.
dailymotion
in a different noir with an important scene during a baseball game, Stray Dog (1949, dir. Kurosawa). everything you could possibly say about this movie has already been said. mifune is such a fucking joy to watch as a somewhat hapless young cop with a bad case of the scruples. gets his fully loaded pistol pickpocketed on the tram, sending him hither and yon during a brutally hot summer tracking down every bullet. widely available for free. fucking beautiful work of art. deeply annoying when widely acclaimed movies are actually really good
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playing
nothing new to report, nothing i want to play has been a free epic game lately. very excited that a character ive been waiting for is dropping in genshin on…uhhhhh…tomorrow? she has sunglasses. she has a gunbrella. she can call in heavy cannon bombardment. she’s just so cute
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making
one of the purposes of the tuesdaypost is to remind myself to expand the selection of things i do and my brain partially feels like sludge bc of the time of year and partially bc i haven’t fucking done anything more complicated than scrambled eggs or cleaning things in like two weeks
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sunsetsandsunshine · 10 months
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heya i love ur blog and i just wanted to know who u interacted with most on tumblr? i want to find some new blogs to follow 😭
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AHHHH TYSM THATS SO SWEET OF U 💕💗✨💞
And as for who I interact with most? I have a couple moots which I’m 100% POSITIVE that’s you’ll love they’re personalities and content!
MOOTS U NEED TO LOOK AT THEYRE BLOGS:
@leosmasktails - Literally the person that inspired me to start writing in the ROTTMNT fandom. When Rise first came out there barely were any tickle fics for it. And I wanted to make a blog for it- but tbh I was scared of being made fun of. But then Mask came in and starting writing and drawing stuff for the fandom and it was just AMAZING- IT STILL IS. Check out “Movie Night”- my personal fave! She also has an Ao3 account and a fic called “For Leo’s Sake”. It’s beautifully written even tho it’s not finished yet! A must read
@tickleebug - SO FUNNY AND CHAOTIC 😂😭!!!! There is never a dull moment when talking to her, man. And her fics are just absolutely superb- like- words cannot DESCRIBE how amazing they are. You def need to read “Big Brother Privilege”. MY BEDTIME STORY EVERY SINGLE NIGHT ISTG LMAO
@someone1348 - THE MOST SWEETEST PERSON YOULL EVER MEET- it’s literally a blessing talking to them 💞✨💗 and they’re stories are so heartwarming- I HIGHLY recommend “Body Language”. The most cutest freaking fic you’ll ever read I promise you. (Leo’s little “Hihihi” to Donnie still has me weak man…)
@mythica0 - You will get lost in so many of her fics, bro- there’s so many and they’re all so GOOD. Some of them have made me cry bc of how fluffy they are- and just the way she writes the brothers are just *chefs kiss*. “Operation: Cheer up Dad” and “Lee-o’s weakness” will never fail to make my day
@itzystopkiddingmenowloco - Like a little sister to me honestly. She’s the most teasy person you’ll ever meet tho so be warned- I’ve learned the hard way 😭😭💀. Really loves K-Pop and just overall and amazing person you’d definitely wanna meet IRL ✨💞💗!! We’re also matching PFP’s :D!!
@prettychillbrainfreeze - The most chill person you’d ever meet (pun extremely intended). Has an amazing art style and an amazing mind- like the things they come up with are just out of this world. Definitely check out they’re blog.
@jamieisnotalee - We haven’t interacted much BUT I WANT TO SO BAD- THEYRE SO NICE. Her art is rlly good (check it out plz you won’t regret it). Her reblogs definitely never fail to make me laugh
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foxspritez · 9 months
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making a temporary pinned post before i figure out how tumblr works and can make a full one !!
my name is evan (he/him) and i’m an animation major in nyc! i work full time in the summers as well, so with the busy schedule most of what i’ll post is just simple sketches and doodles of my interests. i will always try and finish what i can though!
i’m still new to tumblr and haven’t posted my art in a few years so be patient with me bc i’m still learning how to use social media again 🙌🙌 regardless, feel free to request or send me art ideas cause i always need them 🥹🙏
currently obsessed with sampard and hsr, but i still draw a lot of genshin stuff (cringe) that i might throw out there every so often
i’m 21 and may or may not post 18+ art eventually so i kindly ask that minors do not follow me in the chance my blog ends up with nsfw content 🙏🙏
idk what else to say for now but im full of brainrot and im not scary so feel free to talk to me about my interests anytime!
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cupiidzbow · 17 days
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What i do to show appreciation for art ive received is i made a special section on my card to showcase it! :D
THATS A REALLY GREAT IDEA i kinda had that idea bc I have a lil gallery in my carrd currently but I haven’t updated it with new art I was gifted!! 😈😈 but once I finish my new carrd I will make a new art gallery for all the lil silly things ppl made for me 😈😈 TY FOR THE IDEA ANON !!!!!!!
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pissfizz · 1 month
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Fun news <- not fun at all in fact I’m very upset
I was gonna enter this art contest thing I found on a scholarship website and when I initially read the rules it said enter any fantasy and/or scifi pieces, with a minimum of two. So I’ve been busting my ASS trying to get these in before the March 31 deadline and went to check the rules to see if there was anything prohibiting bare titties and found. The rules are DIFFERENT than I initially thought and idk if I misread it or what but apparently I need THREE pieces not two AND. YOURE NOT ALLOWED TO SUBMIT ORIGINAL ARTWORK IT HAS TO BE A RECREATION OF EXISTING ART. ITS ESSENTIALLY A FANART COMPETITION AND. I DIDNT FUCKING SEE THAT ?? I’m literally just baffled rn and so fucking pissed off I haven’t worked on any other scholarships lately bc I’ve been trying to get the stuff for this one done and I CANT EVEN USE THE STUFF IVE SPENT SO MUCH TIME ON. thank god I checked the rules but oh my god I’m so FUCKING MAD ABT IT. anyway here are the drawings I was working on neither of them are finished and in the first one the green scribble is a tree sketch trust dude
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starsstuddedsky · 2 years
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Shall We?
gn reader x chan 
summary: having a crush on your best friend made everything more complicated. would you be able to tell him how you felt, or will you be stuck in this limbo forever?
 genre: fluff, tiny bit of angst, university au, sports au, non idol au
warnings: none, inaccurate soccer, both main characters are dumb?
wc: 6.3k
a/n: this is the first story I’m posting!!! it was really a gift for a friend but I enjoyed it a lot so hopefully y’all do too! thank you for reading :) i wrote it in first person bc second is kinda awk for me
title: Shall We? - CHEN 
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I wasn’t the type to have crushes. I could count on one hand the number of people I’d ever admitted to having a crush on, and three of them were fictional characters. It wasn’t that I didn’t find people attractive - there were plenty of people in that category. Crushes just didn’t come easily.
That was why I couldn’t decide how to deal with the big fat crush I had on our school’s star forward, Lee Chan. I wasn’t used to having butterflies when I talked to him, losing focus in class, wondering what he was doing, dropping my phone when he posted (his second ever picture on Instagram) what could only be labeled as a thirst trap.
The worst part was that he was my best friend. I’d known him since kindergarten where I ironically swore to hate him for ruining my art project. I couldn’t escape these feelings, no matter how recently they’d come upon me. I glared at Seungkwan, who sat next to me on the sofa. It wasn’t fair that the athletes got better dorms when all they did was kick some balls around, but I stopped complaining out loud when I realized I had enough friends that lived in the athlete dorms that I could stay in their rooms (with actual bathrooms!) as much as I wanted.
“First of all, you’ve been in love with him at least since freshman year,” Seungkwan said. “That’s being generous, actually, it was probably middle school. I can’t be sure it wasn’t elementary school. Maybe it was love at first sight, actually, no, I take it back, you guys are probably soulmates.”
“Are you finished yet?”
Seungkwan laughed. “All I’m saying is that I have been saying that you have been in love with him for years.”
“But I haven’t!” I punched his arm when he scoffed. “I’m serious! These feelings are new and weird and I don’t like them, and Chan is one of my best friends- actually, he is my best friend because you’re being annoying.”
“I take offense to that.”
“Good, you were meant to,” I said. “Now shut up and let me rant. I really like him, Seungkwan, I can’t even think about him without my stomach getting butterflies. There’s no way he hasn’t noticed how weird I am around him, and just can’t imagine my life without him in it.” I buried my face into a pillow. “Why does my stupid heart ruin everything?”
Seungkwan patted me on the back. “Don’t you think you’re being a little dramatic?”
“I have been friends with Chan my entire life,” I said, raising myself from the cushion. “I think it’s worth being dramatic over.”
“What if it were me? And we were fighting and you were worried we would never be friends again?”
“Ew, gross,” I said automatically. “No offense, but I’d be glad to be rid of you.”
“First of all, you can’t say no offense and expect it to cancel out the meanest thing you’ve ever said to me. Also, I don’t believe you at all; who else have you told about your little crush?”
“No one,” I mumbled.
“That’s what I thought.” Seungkwan sounded smug. “Now, I’m going to assume confessing is out of the question?”
“Don’t even joke about it,” I hugged the pillow against my chest.
Seungkwan whipped his phone out, snapping a picture. “Sorry, I’ve literally never seen you this vulnerable, and I’m going to need blackmail at some point.”
“You are the worst, I gave you the best blackmail in the world, do you really need a picture, too?”
“Oh, yn, I can never have enough blackmail.” Not for the first time, I was scared of Seungkwan.
“Can’t you just give me advice?” I asked. “Weren’t you known for being the love doctor or whatever in high school?”
“First of all, I was not called the love doctor, that sounds weird, please never call me that again,” Seungkwan said. “And it was a lot easier to give advice to people that weren’t both my friends. I think I have to be Switzerland on this one.”
“You’re worthless,” I said, sliding onto the floor.
“Wow, I was just about to offer you food as compensation,” Seungkwan sighed.
“Did I ever tell you that you are my best friend in the entire world?”
Having a newly realized crush on your best friend apparently doesn’t excuse you from going to all of his games, no matter how strangely nervous it made you. Normally I came early to say hi during warmups (a tradition that began during the preseason because Chan forgot something every other day, but spending so much time with two teammates meant that I got to know pretty much the entire team). The thought of trying to act like everything was fine in front of the entire team, including Seungkwan, who would undoubtedly tease me, made me sick, so I texted Chan, telling him I needed to do homework but would be there in time for the game.
It technically wasn’t a lie, but all I did was I sit in my dorm, staring at the door, watching the seconds pass by one at a time. I wondered if he would even notice if I wasn’t there.
“Don’t you have to go?” My roommate asked. “The game starts in like five minutes.”
When I didn’t answer, she said, “You’re usually at every game like half an hour early. Is everything okay?”
I shrugged. “I’m that predictable?”
She smiled. “Did you and Chan fight?”
“No, nothing like that!” I paused. “Wait, why did you ask about Chan?”
“You’re going to be late,” she said, turning back to her desk.
I was torn between questioning exactly why she thought something happened between me and Chan or going to the game. I decided going to the game would at least involve less conflict.
I had to sprint to the stadium so that I wasn’t late, for once grateful Chan made me train with him every once in a while. Luckily it was one of the regulars checking tickets, and they waved me in as soon as they saw me sprinting.
I made it to the fence line just as they finished announcing the lineup for the opposing team. I didn’t need his number to pick him out, at the far end of the field, swaying back and forth a little, tapping the toe of his left cleat to the ground and sliding his foot forward until it was flat on the turf, then doing the same with his right. I couldn’t see him clearly from this far away, but I still knew his eyes were closed, and he was taking a slow deep breath, the same routine he’d performed since he first started playing soccer.
I’d seen him in his uniform since the beginning, but in the last few days, something had changed about the way he looks, as if I was only just now noticing the toned muscles in his arms, the way the uniform was loose yet still showed off shoulders that I knew from experience were firm and perfectly fit for my head. How many times had I rested my head on those shoulders without feeling a thing? Why was everything different now?
They were halfway down the lineup when he turned to the crowd. I watched him as his head turned slightly, scanning the stands, then lowering his chin and looking along the fence line. I could see the moment his eyes passed over me, fully expecting him to continue looking at the crowd. Instead, he stopped, holding my gaze despite the fact that I could barely see him. I froze when he smiled and lifted his hand in a tiny wave, forcing myself to wave back.
I was a grinning idiot, even when he forgot to pay attention to his own name and Vernon had to push him forward when his name was announced. He hastily waved towards the crowd, though I could have sworn his eyes were still on me.
The team went into a quick huddle, whispering among each other for a few seconds, then chanting the school mascot until the entire crowd took it up and the noise was deafening. I had always been curious about what they said in those huddles and finally remembered to ask a few weeks ago.
“Usually it’s just, like, ‘let’s get this done,’ or repeating something coach said about the other team,” he said. “But every once in a while it’s something dumb.”
“Like what?”
“Like jokes and bets between us,” he said, taking a sudden interest in the forks at the restaurant. We had gone out to eat after they lost their first game of the season.
“What was it today?”
He shrugged, shoving the food on his plate around. “Nothing interesting.”
As soon as the referee blew the whistle everyone was moving. It might look like chaos, but I’d seen enough soccer to know that it was an organized dance, how, much like all sports, there were patterns that were followed. My eyes followed Chan as he jogged ahead, waiting for someone to pass him the ball. Our team had taken control of the ball first, one of the seniors, Joshua, dodging around their defense before passing the ball across the field to Jun, the left forward.
Chan was in a good spot to score, the defense mostly focused on Jun, all he had to do was get the ball to him. I could feel the tension building, not just on the field, but in the crowd, as Jun dodged them again and again, then suddenly kicked the ball straight across the field. It looked like the ball wasn’t going anywhere, sliding across the fake grass without anyone from either team to stop it. And then Chan was there. Even I had lost him while watching Jun and the ball. He seemed to have come out of nowhere, kicking the ball as hard as he could before any of the defenders could react, sending it soaring up, the goalie reaching in vain, the ball soaring just over his hands and into the top corner of the goal.
The crowd erupted into cheers, myself the loudest of them all. Chan sprinted back to the home side of the field, grinning like an idiot. He ran past where I stood on the fence line and I could have sworn he winked at me. The rest of the team half tackled him as if he’d scored the game winning goal, chanting, “Dino! Dino! Dino!”
I frowned. Where had they learned that? As far as I knew, I was the only one to ever call him that. I supposed it wasn’t a big deal that other people called him by that name, but it still felt strange. I didn’t like that something that was ours was suddenly shared.
The referee blew his whistle and they finally reorganized themselves. Scoring a goal so early on could be dangerous, encouraging them to relax and let their defenses down. As they spread out on the field, I didn’t notice any of that. Chan was focused from the second the referee blew his whistle and the game play started again. I glanced at the team, and they all seemed equally intense.
I tried to think of why they were so focused. Were they playing a rival? The other team was good and a win would count toward their conference ranking, but it wasn’t anyone I thought warranted this level of focus. Maybe they were still upset that they lost the game last week, though they’d swept the tournament they played this past weekend.
The rest of the first half was uneventful, neither team able to score. Chan and Minghao, another forward, both came close but the balls were stopped by the other team’s goalie. Jihoon, our own goalie, only had to stop one ball. Everything else was stopped by what we affectionately called the Great Wall. Mingyu and Seungcheol were the main defenders, and were famous in our region for rarely letting a ball through our defense.
After the quick break, the teams returned to the field, switching sides. Now Chan would be closer to my side, running most of the offense almost in front of me. As soon as the whistle was blown he was moving, running right past me. I was probably imagining the smell of his detergent as he passed me by.
About half an hour in, I thought they might be able to score, but Chan lost the ball to one of their defenders and it was sent halfway across the field to their midfielders. Seungcheol and Mingyu did a good job, but even they weren’t quite able to stop the other team from pushing them down the field, closer to our goal. I held my breath as their forward got a good kick on the ball.
People tended to underestimate our goalie because he was pretty short. They didn’t know how quickly Jihoon could move, how good he was at anticipating where the ball would be kicked. I wondered if he was consciously aware of what he was seeing or if it was all instinct now. He made snagging the ball out of the air look easy, hanging on to it until the outfielders were back on the other side of the field.
Chan passed by me again as Jihoon threw the ball across the field, staying just in front of the defenders. They passed the ball around, not able to get past the defense, but also not giving up possession. Five minutes passed, then ten, and still neither team scored. We were still up by one, but as the time ticked down, the other team grew more desperate.
At 4 minutes and 47 seconds, they pushed through the defense. One of their forwards swung his foot back to kick the ball but turned slightly at the last second, slamming his foot into Mingyu’s shin. The taller boy dropped to the ground, but no whistle was blown, and the forward got a shot off. Jihoon couldn’t quite get to the ball and it just barely made it in.
1-1
While Seungcheol, the captain, and the coach shouted at the referee at the blatant foul that wasn’t called, the rest of the team regrouped. Mingyu had gotten up after a couple seconds, and from where I was looking he looked fine, though clearly mad. The referee gave Seungcheol a yellow card and he finally backed down, and our coach called a time out.
The crowd began the usual chants, though there was more passion after the horrible calls. When I was in the stands, I was normally screaming along with them, sometimes even leading them. I didn’t have any energy tonight to join in.
The time out wasn’t nearly long enough to cool them down. I could tell by the way they stalked back out onto the field that most of them were still mad, and I couldn’t blame them. The second the referee blew the whistle they were on the attack, sending the ball down the field recklessly fast. Chan was moving better than I’d ever seen before, anticipating where the defense would be and dodging before they even moved into position. The ball was passed to him quickly, though he immediately shot it off to one of the midfielders.
The lower the time got, the more desperate each team was. We somehow still held control of the ball for two full minutes, still unable to get a shot off.
At 2 minutes and 13 seconds, Chan had the ball again. He was moving like everyone else was stuck in quicksand, dodging the defenders and driving a path towards the goal. I could feel that he was going to get past them, going to score, and then he found and opening, swinging his foot back and-
And he got slammed to the ground by one of their defenders. This time the referee couldn’t ignore it, blowing his whistle. I was pretty sure there was about to be a fight, but I couldn’t look away from Chan, who was still on the ground. I could feel my heartbeat in my throat as I waited for him to get up, for him to move. He was only a few feet away from me. The idiotic part of me wanted to hop the fence and jump onto the field but what would I do? Yell at him until he woke up?
His back was to me and the longer he went without moving the more scared I got. Had he hit his head? Was something broken? I desperately wanted him to do something to at least show he was still alive.
Jun and Minghao, the other forwards, got to him first, kneeling next to him until the trainer finally reached him. I was vaguely aware of Mingyu and Seungkwan holding Seungcheol back as he yelled at the other team, but I couldn’t look away from Chan. From my angle, I could only see him reach his arm out, but I felt like I could finally breathe again. He was alive, at least.
The trainer spoke to him for a minute or two, then apparently decided he could be moved. Jun and Minghao helped him up and half carried him off the field, setting him on the table the trainer had set up to treat the athletes. It was foolish, but all I wanted to do was run over there, to see with my own eyes that he was okay.
After another time out, this time by the other team, the game started again. I couldn’t pay attention to anything, only watching Chan from across the field as the trainer made him go through yet more exercises, finally gesturing for him to follow her to the athletics building. I tried to decide if that was a good thing or not. It meant that he was well enough to walk on his own, but what did she need in the building? Did he need specialized treatment?
I had given up on paying attention to the match. The second half ended with the score still tied but all I could think of was Chan, suffering alone.
“Screw it,” I muttered. I pushed off the fence, walking towards the building with long strides. I’d been there more than a few times with Chan while we were hanging out before practice, sometimes wandering the building but often while he got treatment in the trainer’s office. Sometimes it felt like I was around Chan so much that I might as well be a part of the team.
I knew exactly where the office was. A week ago I wouldn’t have been nervous making this trip. I probably wouldn’t have left the stands at such an intense match, though I might have been a little worried. Everything had changed so quickly. I could feel adrenaline coursing through my veins as if I had been the one on the field playing.
I got to the trainer’s office and froze. Normally I would walk in without a thought to it, but I was suddenly not sure of anything. What if he just wanted to be alone? Or what if he didn’t want me there?
I decided I would at least rather see that he was alive. I knocked once then opened the door.
“Yn,” the trainer said with a warm smile. She’d been so happy when I told her I was interested in athletic medicine, inviting me to come with Chan whenever I wanted. The whole summer she’d been hinting at a relationship between me and Chan, despite both of our protests.
I waved, looking for Chan. He was laying on one of the tables on his stomach shirtless, wires hooked up to something on his back covered by ice packs, his eyes closed, looking like he was asleep.
“Is he okay?” I asked softly.
“Oh he’s fine,” she answered. “And he’s not sleeping, I don’t know who he thinks he’s fooling.” His eyes flicked open and he glared at her.
“Well, I need to see if anyone else decided to get hurt while you get pampered,” she said. “I’ll be back in like five minutes, so just don’t die.” Chan gave her a thumbs up and she was gone.
I pulled a chair next to his table, leaning against the side. Chan’s arm only a few inches away from mine.
“Did we win?” He asked before I had a chance to say anything.
“That’s seriously all you want to know? You’re not even going to tell me if you’re okay?”
“That’s not an answer.”
“Fine,” I said, “I have no idea, it went into overtime so I came here.” He was silent. “Are you okay?“ I asked again.
He let out a dramatic sigh. “I got the wind knocked the fuck out of me. Seriously, I’ve been hit before but that hurt. You need to check my chest for shoulder marks later.”
My cheeks flushed at the thought of being in front of him while he was shirtless, and I was happy his face was pressed into the leather cushion. I’d seen him shirtless plenty of times, but thinking about it now…
“What’s this?” I asked, brushing my fingers lightly on the wires, trying not to think about brushing them against the bare skin of his back.
“Stim,” he said. “My back was sore from getting knocked into the ground by that asshole and I just thought it would feel nice.” He turned his head at an awkward angle so that he could look at me. I could only meet his gaze for a few seconds before I looked away.
“Do you think it’s over yet?” He asked, breaking the silence that lasted for nearly a minute.
“You could have gotten seriously hurt and you’re still more worried about the game? Are you sure you didn’t hit your head?”
“Hey I am concussion free!” Chan said. “She did the test and everything. I just- I want to know if we won or not! It’s important that we don’t lose to assholes that body slam people!”
He was right, but I had known Chan for too long. He was lying.
“Besides, since when have you been worried about me?” He turned so that he could see me. “When I almost broke my wrist two years ago you said you would rather die than miss the end of the game.”
“That was playoffs!”
“We were up by four goals!”
I opened my mouth to argue back, but he was right. I was different now. I just didn’t have the guts to tell him why.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I know I’m not always the best friend to you.”
“That’s not what I meant,” Chan said immediately, brushing his hand against mine. He looked so uncomfortable trying to face me while laying flat on his stomach. I slipped out of the chair, sitting on the floor in front of the table so that he could look straight at me, trying not to think about how he almost held on to my hand.
We stayed like that for a moment, Chan staring into my eyes and me staring right back. In the end I couldn’t take his gaze, looking down at the tile floor and realizing the pattern was really fascinating, even if it was clearly from 1990.
“I’m sorry,” Chan said. “I’m not upset about something from two years ago. I just… I want to tell you something but I don’t know if it’s right and they said I should do it when it’s right but I have no idea what that means, and then they said that maybe it wouldn’t ever be right, so I just… I don’t know.”
I could feel all of my courage crumbling as I looked back at him, dark eyes filled with an emotion I couldn’t decipher. I felt like he could see right through me.
“Chan…” I said. “You’re my best friend. I’ve known you for so long I don’t think I know who I am without you, and I think that’s what really scares me. You’re like this weird carrot that’s grown next to my carrot and we’ve coiled around each other and they exist on their own as separate carrots, but if they aren’t together, it just looks lonely.”
I peeked at Chan and he was frowning. Not my best metaphor. “I’m trying to say that I don’t like who I am without you. You mean everything to me.”
“You mean a lot to me, too,” he said slowly.
I groaned. “You’re not getting it! I’m trying to tell you that I like you, Chan!”
He quiet for a moment. “Yn, did you just confess to me while I’m laying on a table after being knocked out?”
“When you put it like that…” I stared at my hands. So that’s what I felt like to ruin everything.
“Yn.”
I wondered if I could successfully vanish, maybe start a new life raising sheep in Mongolia.
“Hey,” Chan said, reaching his hand out to brush against my cheek. “You’re an idiot.”
“I feel so much better,” I said, burying my face in my hands. “Thank you for that.”
“Please look me in the eyes for this,” Chan said. As much as I wanted to dig a hole and rot away in it, I couldn’t deny him this, especially not when he was using such a gentle yet firm tone. I forced myself to meet his eyes, finding comfort in the familiarity, even if I knew everything had changed and it was my fault.
“I have been trying to tell you I like you for months and you do it in pretty much the least romantic way possible,” he said. “Seriously, there are electrical impulses being shot down my back.”
“I take it back, I feel nothing,” I said, standing up.
He laughed, that stupid, infectious laugh that never failed to make me smile, reaching out and catching my hand. “Can you give me like five seconds to at least be sitting upright?”
I nodded, still facing the door so that he couldn’t see my smile.
“I might need some help, actually,” Chan said after a moment. “This stuff is kinda stuck to my back.”
I turned to him, taking in the situation. He’d gotten the ice packs off but the pads for stim were stuck to his back. This wasn’t the first time I’d helped him with stim, in fact I’d done it for half the team (albeit usually on their knees or shoulders). Helping Chan now, my cheeks were probably bright red, fingers tingling every time they brushed against his skin. The four pads came off easily and I stuck them back onto the plastic they normally were stuck to, turning off the machine and putting everything back where it should be. When I turned around, Chan was sitting up rolling his shoulders back. If my face wasn’t already a tomato it was now. Chan laughed as I looked anywhere but at him.
“You’re not going to check for shoulder marks?” He asked. He was probably batting his eyes and pretending to be innocent.
I glanced him over, trying hard to force my eyes past his bare chest, then tossed his shirt at him. “Shoulder mark free.”
“Are you sure, because you didn’t look very hard and-”
“Oh my god, Chan, just put on the shirt!”
He laughed, pulling it over his head. “You’re so easy to tease.” He caught my hands when I tried to step away again, gently tugging on them so that I was facing him while he still sat on the table.
“Yn,” he said softly, running his thumbs over my knuckles. “I had a whole plan of how I was going to tell you how I felt. We’d go to that cafe, or sometimes I planned it for the library, and once I even planned to try to tell you on the field. None of them worked because every time I saw you I couldn’t figure out a way to get the words in my heart out so that you could hear them.” He held my gaze and I knew he wasn’t lying. I hadn’t lasted a week with these feelings. How had Chan been able to stand it?
“I really, really like you,” Chan said. “And I-”
The door was slammed open and all of a sudden the room was filled with noise. I let go of one of his hands as half the team came streaming in. With the hand he still held, Chan pulled me closer to him until I was shoulder to shoulder with him, lacing his fingers with mine.
“Chan you’re alive!” Seokmin shouted.
“Yeah I was going to go to the light but I remembered you guys are hopeless without me.”
“Hopeless?” Soonyoung laughed. “Just for that I’m not telling you who won.”
“I don’t think that matters anymore,” Jeonghan said, gesturing to me and Chan.
“Hey!” Seokmin shouted. “That’s cheating!”
“What’s going on?” I whispered in Chan’s ear.
“I’ll explain later,” he whispered back, then said to everyone, “I appreciate your concern for my love life, but seriously, did we win or not?”
Seungcheol leaned against the counter with a smug smile. “You think we’d let a team like that win?”
Chan grinned, turning to me. I hoped he couldn’t hear how loud my heart was beating when he turned his gaze on me like that. “Yn, will you go on a date with me?”
I forgot about the team who were hollering around us, forgot about the game, forgot about everything except me and Chan. “Of course.”
Chan only let go of my hand once as we walked back to the apartment, and it was only to let me put on his sweatshirt. As soon as I pulled my arms through the sleeves, his hand was back in mine. It should have felt weird to be this intimate after a lifetime of friendship. It felt like we should have been like this from the beginning.
“You’re sure you feel the same way?“ Chan asked.
“If you ask me one more time I’m going to change my mind,” I said.
“I’m sorry,” he said, squeezing my hand. “I had resigned myself to being your b-f ‘best friend,’ not b-f ‘boyfriend.’”
“First of all, Seungkwan is my best friend,” I said.
“Um, wrong, I’ve known you for longer.”
“That’s not the point but I have a feeling you’re going to win this one so I’m just going to give up now.” I turned to look him in the eyes. “But seriously, how long have you liked me? And don’t you dare say from the moment I met you or some bullshit because I know that’s not true.”
“No, I’m not that dramatic. I think the moment I realized it was at graduation.” He smiled at the memory, pausing on the sidewalk.
“Do you remember how we went straight from the ceremony to the beach and that first night we stayed up all night talking about the future and we watched the sunrise over the water?” He waited for my nod. “I remember listening to you talk about your life plans and realizing how lucky I am to know you, and then realizing that I couldn’t imagine my life without you in it.
“Do you know how magical you looked watching the sunrise? I know it’s the cheesiest line ever, but you really were prettier than the sunrise and ever since then I haven’t been able to think of anyone but you.” Chan smiled and my heart felt like it was going to explode. I leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips, then suddenly felt shy, turning and continuing to walk. Chan didn’t move until I was tugging on his hand.
“Your turn,” he said after a few moments passed and the heat in my cheeks had finally died down. “When did you realize?”
“Last week,” I said. “Right before you left for the tournament you asked for a kiss goodbye, and I thought it was just a joke but then I spent all weekend thinking about your lips and about how that’s definitely not best friend thoughts, and then I started thinking about you and then I realized that for everything in my life I go to you, and you are the only person in the world who knows how to make me smile when I am having a horrible day, and you don’t complain when I’m being mean or grumpy, and you are the only person I could ever see myself spending the rest of my life with.
“I know it’s not as romantic as watching the sunrise with you and maybe you think these five days aren’t long enough to feel anything as strong as you, but, Chan, I swear I know my heart and you are the only one in it, and the only one that will ever be in it.” It was terrifying to say these things out loud, but I turned to Chan and he had the biggest smile on his face.
He stepped closer to me until there were only a few inches between us, bringing one hand to my cheek. “Can I kiss you?” He asked so softly I almost didn’t hear it.
I nodded, closing my eyes as he leaned closer, nose brushing against mine, and it was not a gentle kiss like mine had been. His hand slid to the back of my head, the other one finally letting go and slipping to hold my waist. I wrapped my own arms around his neck, pulling him as close as I could.
Chan pulled away first, though his arms stayed wrapped around me. “Feedback?”
I laughed, burying my head in his chest. ‘Feedback’ was always for class presentations, or how I thought he did in his last game. “Only if you tell me why your team calls you Dino.”
I disentangled myself from his arms, lacing our fingers back together and beginning to walk again.
“You better not be mad about that because it’s your fault,” he said, catching up to me easily. “Seokmin and Soonyoung saw you spamming me with those dinosaur stickers while we were at an away game and I had to explain to them that you made the nickname when we were six and already a cruel monster.”
“It’s not my fault you cried unless you brought your stuffie to school with you.”
“Don’t you dare tell them that part!” He said. “They’ll never let it go, it’s bad enough I have Seungkwan holding it over me.”
I laughed. “You haven’t explained what was going on in the training room either, by the way.”
“Right.” I glanced at him and he avoided my eyes.
“What is it?”
“It’s embarrassing,” he whined.
“More embarrassing than getting dumped fifteen minutes after the relationship started?”
“You wouldn’t,” Chan said and he was right, but it still worked because he let out a dramatic sigh and kept walking. “Do you remember last week after we lost and we went out to eat and you asked me about what we say in the pregame huddles?” He waited until I nodded to continue. “Well, apparently my crush was obvious to everyone other than you and Seokmin and Soonyoung specifically were determined to ‘help’ me confess so they thought it would be funny to say ‘when we win Chan has to tell yn how he feels,’ but then we lost and someone said that maybe we just weren’t meant to be and it was a joke, but I’ve been overthinking it since then.
“Then today, Seungcheol said it, and I think it was supposed to be a joke but everyone took it really seriously and I don’t know, I really felt like if we didn’t win today then maybe we really wouldn’t ever work out.
“But then you showed up and confessed to me in the least romantic way possible and I realized how dumb I was,” Chan said, grinning.
“You’re kind of an idiot,” I said.
“Yeah, but I’m your idiot,” he said, leaning into me.
“You’re ridiculous.” I tried unsuccessfully to hide my smile.
He snuck closer, pressing a kiss to my cheek, then wrapping his arm around my shoulders and pulling me closer to him. I couldn’t think of any more insults to throw at him, so I leaned into him.
“So, are you going to give me feedback on my kissing or not?”
“I’m not sure, I think I need to try again before forming an opinion.”
Chan laughed, turning to face me with a smile that could break hearts. “You better pay attention this time.” He kissed me and I was floating.
When I finally pushed back, he raised his eyebrows expectantly.
“Two out of ten, honestly, I’m disappointed, I thought you could do better than this,” I said, pushing his arms off of me before I could react and sprinting away.
“Hey!” He shouted. “I’m still handicapped! I got knocked out today!” Despite his protests, he caught up to me easily, wrapping his arms around me from behind, pressing a kiss to my cheek.
“Want to try again?”
“Hm, nope,” I said, giggling when he wrapped his arms even tighter.
“You are so lucky I love you,” he said, pressing another kiss on my cheek. I wondered if he noticed that he let the word slip. I settled my hands on his arms, holding him to me just as tightly as he was. There was a gentle breeze in the air, the streetlights warm and cozy, and I decided I would spend the rest of my life like this, me and Chan, together.
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