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artists-ally · 6 months

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{Train Wreck} Azriel x Cassian!Sister {Pt.1}

I am in love with this song, Train Wreck by Divide the Day and cannot get it out of my head. I feel like Azriel loves a good broken girl because she can relate to all of him. So here is the first part of that! Enjoy my loves!! lmk what you think!! (i got too excited waiting for the poll to end)

Word Count: 7,947

Warnings: Modern AU, OFC, angst, mentions of crimes, mentions of trauma, language, alcohol.

Summary: It has been far too long since Ira has seen her brother. They meet again under neither of their own terms and struggle to find any room in their hearts for pleasantries. But at least there is a hot, dark-haired, hot, buffer to focus on instead.

Tagging: @bubybubsters @librafairy @needylilgal022

Part Two

~~~~~~~~

“He’s going to say no.” No response from the peanut gallery in the front seat. “Seriously, he’s not going to be okay with this. You might as well let me out of the car now.”

“Will you just be quiet?” Arthur snapped, eyes locking with mine from the rearview mirror. “Need I remind you that this is your fault. You’ve left us with no other option.”

“I told you, it wasn’t me. That was-” “Cal, I remember the story. And that’s all that it is. A story, a fabrication that Arthur and I are no longer going to be entangled in. You may be able to fool the police with that lie, but you can’t fool us, Ira,” Dana snapped, whirling around to shoot me some daggers. She couldn’t look intimidating if she tried; her face was like a bunny, and every time she frowned it just looked like she smelled something rotten.

I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms. There was no way he was going to take me. We hadn’t spoken in almost five years, I didn’t even know he was alive until three months ago when I heard about his engagement. How fucking rude of him not to tell me. I had to find out through a friend of a friend.

Fifteen years growing up together meant nothing to him, I guess.

The big riverside house came into view at the end of an equally impressive driveway. A shame for whoever had to go and collect the mail every morning.

“Stay here, in the car,” Arthur barked.

I opened the door and got out of the car, kicking a few stones. Man this place was flashy; a big fountain in the circular driveway, a line of cars over by a garage. Not to mention the very obvious multi-million dollar mansion that never seemed to end.

“Lord, give me the strength to not strangle this child,” Arthur sighed, marching to the front door. I snickered, he was always so uptight.

“Not a child, Arthur,” I countered. “Just turned 21. You’d know that if you ever bothered to check up.”

“Give it a rest, Ira. We’re trying to help you since you clearly don’t understand the basic human morals of being a functioning member of society,” Dana said, opening the trunk, catching a bag as it tumbled from the stack.

“Sorry that I don’t like to conform to the idealistic fantasy that is modern society.”

Was it my plan to break into that restaurant and pose as waiters to make a few extra dollars? Yes, it absolutely was. And it was genius plan that if someone didn’t fuck up, it would’ve worked flawlessly. It ended with me in handcuffs and my ass sitting on the curb until Dana came to pick me up.

Was it also my idea to drive four fucking hours away from my hometown to the middle of nowhere to be babysat? Abso-fucking-lutely not.

“Get your stuff,” Dana dropped a few things to the ground.

I came around the side of the car and heard the door open, and that lovely voice of his ring through my head.

Great. This is going to go fantastic.

“Arthur? W-What are you doing here?” Cassian said.

Cassian, six-foot-five and one hell of a bastard. He knew just how to get under your skin and make you want to punch him in the face. Which I had done on more than one occasion when he dug too deep.

“Cassian, good to see you,” the old man said, extending his hand. “We uhh… we have something for you.”

“I don’t understand.”

I could hear the crunch of gravel and I knew what was about to happen. Any second now I was about to be publicly humiliated. I wish it was still the 1500’s where they parade you down the street and then execute you so I could at least see all the resentment on everyone’s faces.

“Dana!” I could practically hear that obnoxious grin in his voice before I could see it. “I was not expecting you guys, come in this is so awesome to-”

“She’s not the surprise, Cass,” Arthur clapped him on the shoulder and walked to the back of the car. There was a sharp yank on my elbow and I damn near tripped over him. He must’ve grown again because he was a lot taller than the last time I saw him. “She is.” “Ira?” He squinted, as if he could ever mistake me for someone else. “Holy shit, I didn’t even know you were still around.” “You’d know that if you ever bothered to check up on me,” I couldn’t be bothered to be pleasant. Nothing about this would be fucking pleasent.

Cassian looked from Arthur to Dana, then back to me. And to the duffle bag that I was holding on to. I could see him connecting the dots inside his thick-ass skull. “No. No no no.”

“Cassian, she needs someone to look after her,” Dana expressed, chasing after him when he turned inside.

“You cannot just plop her on my doorstep like some stray dog,” Cass shouted, throwing his arms in the air and all around.

“She’s your sister, for fucks sake,” Arthur joined. “She needs you to look after her. Since you left Ira has done nothing but cause me a headache and gray hairs.”

“I’m right here, you know,” I walked over, throwing the bag down. “And I’d appreciate if you talked about me like a fucking human being, not some gag gift that is always shuffled around at christmas because no one wants it.”

“I have a family to take care of, I cannot take you in, Ira. I have too much going on.”

“Some things never change,” I huffed. “See, I told you he wouldn’t give me the time of day.”

“Now, let's just take this down a couple of notches, okay? It has been a long drive so why don’t we just go inside and-”

“Cass? What’s going on?”

Cassian scrunched his face, and my eyes went to the door, a pretty woman standing there with her arms folded. She had a scowl on her face and narrow eyes. Her long brown hair was braided over her shoulder.

“Nothing, these people were just-”

“Who’s here?” Another voice, a man, asked next. Now, if I had died and gone to heaven and you told me that was an angel, I’d believe you.

Cassian muttered something under his breath and rubbed his forehead. “Nesta, Rhys, this is Arthur and Dana. My foster parents from years ago. And this… this is my sister.”

“Your sister?” Both of them exclaimed at the same time. He didn’t even tell them about me? Some fucking brother he is. I didn’t want to be here, but now I really wanted to see where this was going to go. It could be entertaining.

“They were just-” “Come in come in,” the man stepped down and shook Arthur's hand. “I am Rhysand, call me Rhys. Welcome, we are so pleased to have you. Cassian never mentioned having visitors today.”

“It wasn’t planned,” Dana let out the fakest laugh I’ve ever heard. She was one of those people who, when nervous, laughed after every sentence. Like come on lady, grow a set and just say what you really mean it’s not that hard.

I smiled victoriously as Arthur and Dana were escorted inside. When I looked up at Cassian, he had rage in his eyes. “Good to see you too, Cassie.”

“Do not,” he pointed at me. “You are not staying here, whenever this little tour is over, you’re gone with them.”

“Gladly.”

I closed the trunk and followed behind a storming Cassian. His shoulders might as well have been pinned to his ears. It looked like a stick was shoved up his ass.

The house was absolutely massive. I thought shit like this only existed in fairytales, not… wherever the fuck we were. Certainly not my normal run-down streets I was used to. There were cabinets filled with fine dishes and things were on display. Everywhere. I don’t think I have seen so many things before in my life.

While Cassian pouted in the corner, the man named Rhys showed us all around. He pointed and spoke, but I received a text on my phone.

Cal: your a piece of shit I hope you know that

Me: You’re* but it’s fine.

Cal: i cannot believe you fucking left me

Me: Whoops. Sorry bud, I couldn’t stick around. You dicked me over so… guess that karma’s a bitch.

Cal: you know I’m bad with names

Me: WE USED EACH OTHERS!!!!!! HOW HARD CAN IT BE TO FORGET MY NAME!

Cal: hopefully pretty fucking easy because I don’t ever want to fucking see you ever again. fuck you ira

Me: Right back atcha, asshole.

Great, now the only person that I had remotely trusted was out of my life. I had no one back in my hometown. No one to remember or care for me. I don’t think I ever had someone in the first place. What happens when you don’t have anyone to teach you right from wrong? What do you get when you mix a traumatized teenager in a city with nothing to do? A hot mess. A hot fucking mess.

“Oh, and this is my wife Feyre. My darling, this is Arthur, Dana, and Ira, Cassian’s foster parents and his sister,” Rhys spared me a glance and I scrunched my face. Had Cassian really never bothered to tell them about me?

“Wow,” she had a small smile on her pretty face. Why was everyone here so pretty? “You look just like him. You both have the same eyes. And the same hair.”

“Great, what I’ve always wanted to be. Cassian's clone.” I couldn’t stop the eye roll.

“Ira,” Dana hissed. “Some manners?”

“Thank you, your Royal Highness.”

Dana smacked her forehead, mumbling something about gray hairs and a headache again. I chuckled. I thought it was funny. Especially the curtsy.

“Why don’t you all stay for dinner, I wouldn’t mind getting to know some of Cassian’s family,” Feyre said, that small smile still on her lips. We had all meandered outside to look at their yard, at the fountain in the front of the house.

To no one's surprise, there was a matching one in the back by the pool.

“Oh, we really have to get back on the road,” Arthur said, folding his hands together and swaying on his feet. “It was a pleasure getting to meet all of you, it makes me happy knowing that Cassian has found such a great group of successful, intelligent people.”

That last part was vehemently directed at me.

“Why are you looking at me? Cassian already said that I couldn’t stay.”

“Well I am sure that-”

“Why wouldn’t you stay?” Rhys asked, folding his arms against his chest.

I looked at Dana and Arthur, patiently waiting for someone to explain it. No takers? Guess it’s my time to shine. “Well, I think it’s because he doesn’t give a flying fuck about-”

“Okay okay,” Cassian interjected, and a devious grin spread across my lips. “Stay for dinner.”

What a two faced son of a bitch. It wasn’t me who decided to leave, it was him. And he’s pissed at me? Not fucking fair. We all went inside, but Cassian lingered at the back of the pack. While Rhys took Dana and Arthur around to the kitchen, Cassian yanked me– why was everyone throwing me around– into a room off to the side.

“What the fuck did you do this time?”

“Wow, Cassie-”

“Do not call me that.”

He used to hate it when I called him Cassie. Especially around his friends because they would make fun of him for days after. I loved that.

“No hi, how are you? No ‘it's good to see that my sister is alive and doing well?’” “Clearly not well enough since they dragged you all the way out here. How the hell did you even find me?” Cassian’s eyes were full of fire. Looks like he still had that canyon of a line between his bushy-ass-eyebrows when he was upset.

“I know a guy,” I shrugged. Antoine is an amazing man. “But that’s besides the point. Wait… were you purposefully trying to disappear so I wouldn’t be able to find you?”

“What. Did. You. Do?”

I swallowed, I hated when he scolded me. “It wasn’t even that bad. They just gave me community service.”

“Jesus Christ, Ira. What did they want to give you?” Cassian shouted for the whole house to hear.

“Doesn’t matter, I got myself out of it. Like I always do, without your fucking help. I am capable of taking care of myself without you.”

“Yeah you seem to be doing a swell job,” Cassian looked me up and down, clearly judging my tangled hair and ripped up jeans that I’ve probably had since middle school. “I thought all of this was behind you, Ira. When I left you were-”

“Abandoned. You didn’t leave, you abandoned me.”

Cassian relaxed his shoulders. “You know if I could’ve taken you with me I would’ve.”

“No you wouldn’t have.” I was waiting for him to argue, to deny that fact. But he didn’t, and his haunting silence was enough of an answer. I scoffed, a hard, bitter noise. “You know I don’t blame you, no one would want to take a juvenile delinquent anywhere, especially somewhere like this place.”

“Ira-” “Save you’re fucking breath, Cass. You don’t have to pretend around me, you’ve never had to. Just play along with it for one night and I’ll be gone by the morning. Then I won’t have to be your liability to shoulder ever again.”

I didn’t wait around to see his response. Somewhere deep inside I was actually excited to see him. To meet the person my scrawny, gangly brother had turned into. Now he was… a man. Like a real man. I never thought I’d see him with long hair, but here we are. He was tall and muscular and had long hair. Shoulder length, but the longest I’ve ever seen it. It suited him.

He looked healthy. He looked happy. For fucks sake he was engaged. Albeit to the most terrifying looking woman I’ve ever seen, but they looked like they somehow worked. I feel like Nesta and I would be great friends. Cause a lot of trouble together. Piss off Cass together

I found Dana and Arthur with glasses of wine around a large table, two other women that I hadn’t met yet.

“Ahh, this is her,” Rhys stood up, putting his hands on my shoulders. “This is Ira, Cassian’s sister.”

“After all this time,” a pretty blonde woman spoke, looking at me from head to toe. “Who knew Cassian could keep you a secret.”

“You look just like him,” a girl who looked similarly to Feyre said, eyes wide. “I’m Elain. And that’s Morrigan.”

“Mor is fine, dear,” Mor smiled, coming over to me and Rhys. “Would you like to see the rest of the house?”

“Absolutely,” I grinned, linking her elbow with mine when she offered. I knew Cassian had walked into the room because of his massive feet against the floor. He said something, but I didn’t care because I was giggling with Mor as we rounded a corner to a set of stairs.

“I know Elain said this already, but fuck you look like Cassian,” she laughed, opening a room and revealing a giant bed with a balcony on the other side of some french doors.

“It gets really fucking annoying,” I rolled my eyes. “You don’t have something I could change into, do you?”

“Oh, of course. Let's go find you something. You were saying about Cassian?”

“Right, it’s a constant reminder of that prick every time I look in the mirror.”

“Uh oh, trouble in paradise?”

“Trouble in a goddamn nightmare,” I groaned, sitting on the corner of her bed while she rummaged through a closet. “I mean, it has been five years since I’ve seen the guy, and he still looks like the same idiot who used to pay me to do his laundry.”

“He what?” Mor gasped.

“Yeah. He threw one red sock in with the whites and vowed to neer do it again. So I, the natural entrepreneur, snagged up the opportunity to take his allowance. Five bucks a wash was a good deal considering he needed to have a load done twice a week. And god did it smell.”

“Well, in the five years since I’ve known him, it hasn’t gotten any better. And suddenly it makes a lot more sense when I see Rhys doing more laundry than anyone else. Interesting.”

I shook my head. I guess things haven't really changed. I’ve been saying that way too much in the past half hour we’ve been here. Could this go any slower? Like seriously, why couldn’t Dana and Arthur leave, then I would pretend to be good for a few hours until the sun goes down. I’ll make my way to the nearest bus stop and hitch-hike it all the way back.

Mor came out and held up a gorgeous top; it was a powder blue color with a square neckline and long, puff sleeves. She tossed it my way and then ran back in there for something on the bottom.

“What’s your style? Skirt? Jeans? Leggings?” Mor called, and by the muffled noise, I could tell her closet was huge.

A dream.

“I’ll take a skirt if you have one,” I said, rubbing the fabric between my fingers. “Leather maybe? Or just black.”

“You’ve got good taste,” she smirked, coming out and handing me a black leather skirt. “Exactly what I would’ve gone with. The bathroom is right through there, I’m gonna head back down stairs and just come down whenever you’re ready. Oh, and if you want to do your hair, everything is in the drawer in the vanity. The big one on the right.”

I looked at her with soft eyes. I’ve always wanted to have a sister to do all that girly shit with. To gossip and do makeup at three in the morning, giggling and laughing until we can’t breathe.

But I can’t get too attached. She’s clearly just being nice, just being a good person. I know nothing about her, I can’t just trust her.

So I nodded, heading off and closing the door behind me. Fuck. This was a big ass bathroom. A huge freestanding tub and an equally impressive shower.

I shed my shirt and folded it up haphazardly, same with my jeans. The shirt she gave me made my boobs look fantastic. There wasn’t a ton there, but more than enough to fill out the shirt. The skirt was a bit of a different story. Clearly Mor had never been to a gym because there was no way my ass was fitting in that.

Thankfully I had learned a trick from a friend. That friend was the internet. And that trick was a skill I had developed from stealing whatever clothes I could get my hands on. I had to make it work somehow. But I found a hair tie and looped it through the hole where the button was in the middle, hooking it around the button and back through.

As good as it was going to get.

My hair wasn’t awful, just a little greasy and wind blown from being outside. There was some dry shampoo and a comb. It would do the trick.

Much like everyone has already pointed out, the hair that Cassian and I shared was a little unruly. It only curled through the ends and was wavy the rest of the way. And the baby hairs? Forget about it, I was better just cutting them off.

I looked in the mirror. Well… it was certainly an outfit. I definitely had an appropriate amount of clothes on my body for a family dinner. The shirt only came up to my underboob and the skirt barely covered where my ass met my thighs.

It did wonders for my self confidence. Guess it’ll have to do.

When I got back downstairs, there was a light chatter in the air. But it stopped the second I walked in the room. Especially when Dana saw what I was wearing.

No one spoke as I sat down and poured some water from the pitcher into my glass. I made sure to make my sip as obnoxious and dramatic as possible. Man I was starving.

Thankfully conversation between Rhys, Feyre, and Dana resumed and the silence wasn’t eating me alive. I took out my phone and scrolled through instagram, posting a picture of a lake I had taken on my up here. It was a semi nice drive, very peaceful, but very very far from the shit-hole I used to call home.

“How do all of you know each other?” Arthur asked.

“Well I met Cassian when we were in high school, as well as our other friend Azriel. We made a deal with each other that when we graduate, we would do everything in our power to become the most powerful business owners we could. As you can see, that little pact is working quite well.” “How long have you lived here?” Dana asked next, clearly eyeing up Rhys.

“For about three years now?” Mor answered, Rhys nodded. “We kind of all found each other on the same paths and stuck together. We sort of own and share everything around here.”

“That is lovely,” Dana smiled. “And what do you do?”

“I own a casino and a neighboring hotel,” Rhys smiled. All the alarm bells were going off in my head. A big cartoon ‘cha-ching’ right there with it. He ran a casino? And a hotel? Oh boy this could be good. “Cassian runs the whole thing, and Azriel kind of has his own thing.”

“Who’s Azriel?” Arthur unfolded the napkin and laid it across his lap.

“He is our other friend,” Cassian butted in, lips pressed in that line that I remembered. “He’ll be by later.”

“Great,” I rolled my eyes. “More people.”

“Will you please be polite for once in your life?” Dana whisper-yelled, clearly not being discrete enough since everyone looked at us.

I just shut my mouth, grinding my teeth. It’s not worth it, it's not worth it, I told myself. A few moments later, a large tray with some type of bird on it came out. It was too big to be a chicken, but too small to be a turkey? Duck maybe? I don’t know, it didn’t matter. It was food.

Everyone around me took their time while I ate like a heathen. Putting a little bit of everything on my plate and scarfing it down like someone was going to take it away from me.

It was so funny to see the look of pure hatred and disgust on Cassian’s stupid face.

I swear, pissing off a sibling, especially an older one, has got to be the most satisfying thing in the world. Except for maybe sex. That was a close second.

And whatever this food was was a close third.

“So, Ira. What do you like to do?”

Here we go.

“I kind of have many hobbies.” I could see Cassian’s eyes narrow from across the table.

“Like?” Rhys stuck a green bean in his mouth.

“Uhh, f-fashion. And I’m very good at handling money. Other people's money. As well as picking locks and hotwiring cars-”

“She’s joking,” Cassian gave the fakest laugh– besides Dana’s– that I’ve ever heard. “We used to play cops and robbers when we were little, she always wanted to be the robber.”

“Did I?’”

“Yes,” he practically growled. “You did.”

This was crazy. This was actually crazy to be doing this right now. If I had any particular feeling about the things I did, guilty and ashamed were not some of them. Who gave a fuck if I stole from Walmart or faked being a waitress to make a few extra bucks? If anything they should be thanking me for the extra set of hands. Which they didn’t have to pay for.

It wasn’t like I stole the Mona Lisa for fucks sake.

“I guess I did.”

“What was Cassian like growing up? I can only imagine some of the stories you have,” Nesta chimed in from next to Cassian.

“Oh my god one time, Cassian was making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich-”

“Do not-”

“And he thought that the peanut butter was in the fridge for some reason. Turns out he grabbed a bottle of dijon mustard and used that instead. He took one bite and threw up everywhere. It took Dana a week to get the smell out of the kitchen.”

Everyone grimaced, poking fun at Cassian for making a jelly-mustard sandwich. “I guess that explains the nausea every time I make one.”

“You still can’t stomach even the smell?” My eyes were a little wide. That had to have been from when we were still in elementary school.

“Nope,” Cassian’s tone was harsh, fork forceful as it went into his mouth.

“Ira told me that you used to pay her to do your laundry because you fucked it up one time,” Mor snickered from her corner, Elain covering her lips with her hand to keep the water inside her mouth.

“Seriously?” Cassian glared at me.

“Hey, she asked. Those are trade sibling secrets, I wouldn’t dare give those away without something in return,” I gestured to my new outfit. Just and FYI, I would’ve told Mor regardless.

“Yes you would.”

Yes, I absolutely would. “Lighten up,” here it comes, “Cassie.”

Cheers and laughs raised in the air, Rhys punching Cassian in the shoulder and saying the nickname over and over again. He gave me the nastiest look, but I just tipped my glass towards him.

“What is everyone laughing about?” A new voice said from over my shoulder. When I turned to look… holy mother of Jesus fucking-

“Azriel,” Rhys, still in a fit of laughter. “Listen to this. Our beloved Cassie used to pay his sister to do his laundry. And I found out the reason he runs away whenever any of us set peanut butter on the counter.”

“Sister?”

Okay, I was surely in heaven. Or hell, and he was some sort of demon prince because… someone help me. If I thought Rhys was attractive then… fuck he’s hot. Unnaturally hot. Otherworldly hot.

“Azriel, this is my sister. Ira,” Cassian gestured to me without looking. “This is Azriel.”

He was so hot. That was the only thing going through my mind. He was exactly my type. And he was fucking ripped. I could tell. I didn’t need to see under the shirt he was barely wearing. It was so tight in all the right places. Fuck he was pretty to look at.

“Nice to meet you,” I tumbled out.

Azriel gave a not-so-subtle look at me, but didn’t say anything as he moved to sit with us. Unfortunately he sat on the other side of Mor, who was to my left so I wouldn’t be able to look at him. That’s all I wanted to do was just drink him in and think about those massive fucking hands on my-

A sharp kick to my shin had me wincing. When I looked up, Cassian met my heated gaze.

Don’t even think about it, he mouthed, sliding a thumb across his throat.

One raise of my eyebrow told him I was up for the challenge. I could see his jaw clench, and that only made me more enticed. Azriel was hot, and so was I. I’d make it happen one way or another.

I couldn’t have told you what happened next, I was far too busy thinking about Azriel. Man he was… he was so fucking good looking. He had these lighter colored eyes, hazel I think. And a dark mess of hair. I’m sure he looked like a Greek god under those clothes of his, too.

“And you’re engaged? That’s wonderful, Cassian. I am so happy for you,” Dana gushed while looking at Nesta’s ring. “Congratulations, you two. Do you have a date picked out?”

“No,” Nesta said sternly. “We are just going to wait things out. Until both of us feel ready.”

Cassian nodded, not offering up any words.

“What would you guys like for dessert?” Rhys asked, listing off a few options. I stopped paying attention after chocolate cake because who would want to hear anything else?

“I’m afraid we better get on the road, it is a long drive back to our home. Thank you for dinner, it was delicious,” Arthur stood up from the table, shaking Rhys’s hand. “Cassian, a word, please?”

With a deep breath, Cassian stood up and followed the old man out of the room.

“Okay, now that he’s gone, can we all agree that there is something wrong with him? I’ve never seen him so… so rigid in my life,” Mor blew out air from her lips, shaking her head.

“I think I better uhh… better explain a little bit.” My heart sped up a bit. “Dana and Arthur are kind of fed up with me so they’re just gonna take off. And leave me here. But don’t worry, I’m just gonna find a bus stop in the morning and be gone before any of you wake up. No biggie.”

The room was silent except for my fork scratching on the plate. When I looked up, everyone was looking at me funny.

“Ira, what? They’re gonna leave you here?” “It is a long story. And they think I need a role model to get my life together. Why Cassian is that role model I’ll never understand because the last I knew of him he was just as irresponsible as I was.”

Rhys took a sip of wine, “How long has it been since you’ve seen each other?”

“Five-six years now I think? I don’t know, I stopped counting after eight months,” I shrugged. Truth is I haven’t stopped counting the days since he left. I took a big piece of this chocolate cake into my mouth. “Fuck, this is good.”

“What happened?”

“We are lightyears away from you being able to ask that,” I laughed. “No offense but, it’s none of your fucking business.”

Again, the room was silent, except for a small snort at the end of the table. It wasn’t Elain because she was so red she looked like she was gonna pass out. And the only other one was Azriel.

“Hint taken,” Rhys pressed his lips in a flat line. “Well, you are Cassian’s family, so you are always welcome in our home.”

“Trust me, I don’t want to be here any more than you want me to be. I’ll figure it out, I always have. It’ll be like I was never here,” I took another forkful and shoved it in. Damn, I was gonna miss this cake. “So, Rhys, you own a casino and a hotel. What do the rest of you do?”

“Well, Cassian runs the casino and hotel,” Rhys pointed out again. “Azriel owns and runs the adjacent club attached. We basically have our own empire here.”

“Sounds fun,” I smirked. He owned a club? Could he get any hotter? “What about you Mor.”

“I am the best fucking bartender this place has seen,” her grin matched my own. “And I model here and there.” “Badass.” “I have an art studio. I teach classes and do some workshops,” Feyre said. “But most of the time I am at home with our son Nyx. He is… he’s a handful. A spoiled handful.”

“Hey,” Mor said, “to be fair, he is the first kid in our group, what did you expect?”

“He’s barely two, he doesn’t need designer clothes that he won’t fit into after a few months anyway. It's a waste of money.”

“Feyre, darling, I don’t know if you’ve looked around, but we kind of have a lot of money. It could use some wasting,” Rhys patted her thigh under the table.

I can only hope to have enough financial security to be able to say sentences like that. They could probably retire right now, all of them, and never make a dent in their fortune. Lucky bastards.

“What is it that you do, Ira?” Azriel poked his head from around Mor.

“Oh,” fuck fuck fuck fuck. What the hell was I supposed to say? Certainly the fact that I commit petty crimes won’t go over well. “I’ve had a lot of jobs. I don’t have a set career yet.”

“So hot-wiring cars is just a hobby then?”

A stream of water shot out of Mor’s mouth and onto the table. How did he even hear that?

“It’s a skill. Don’t come crying to me when your battery dies and you don’t wanna pay a hundred and fifty dollars for Triple A to come and pick up your ass,” I deflected. Another skill I had built up over the years.

“And the locks?” Wow, he was kind of an asshole with supersonic hearing. I could see why he and Cassian hung around together.

“I was a locksmith,” I mustered up my best smile and scooted my chair so I was sitting at an angle.

“Ah, so it wasn’t just the ‘cops and robbers’ you and Cassie used to play growing up. Good to know,” Azriel wiped the corners of his mouth with his napkin. He stood up, saying something about having to leave because he had to open up. Just as he was walking by, I stuck my toe into the walkway and he tripped over me.

Azriel all but went through the wall, Cassian coming around at the last second and catching his arm.

“You alright?” He asked as Azriel straightened himself out.

“Yup. Fine.” The glare he gave me sent a shiver down my spine and a smirk curled at my lips. Two can play that game, mother fucker.

I, very gracefully, scratched the corner of my nose with my middle finger. He got the message. But so did Cassian.

“Your stuff is in the driveway. Go get it and meet me upstairs.” Cassian looked so pissed off. His shoulders were pinned to his ears again as he stalked away, that silence settling back in the room.

“Guess that’s my cue to get a move on. Thank you everyone, a pleasure to meet you all,” I said with a genuine tone. They were all cool, and some part of me wishes I could have what they all have. Trust in one another.

The three duffle bags and backpack were not light as I carried them up the stairs, trying not to knock over all the decorations and pictures on the wall. One of them didn’t survive. It crashed all the way down and shattered on the hardwood floor. Cassian cursed from somewhere.

With a thud, I let go of all the bags in some random room at the end of the hall. It was barely big enough to call a hobbit hole. There wasn’t a window or a real bed, just some cot with a pillow and a blanket. “Glamourous.”

“It’s the best that I could do,” Cassian all but rolled his eyes.

“A couch would’ve been better,” I plopped down on the taught fabric, bouncing a little. “Sorry about the frame.” “It’s fine,” he pinched the bridge of his nose. “Look, Ira I’m sorry about how I left you.” “Yeah well apologies don’t mean a fucking thing to me unless you fix it, Cassian,” I folded my arms over my chest. “And for the record, I would’ve understood if you would’ve just fucking told me what was going on. Instead, not only did you not tell me, you ghosted me.” “I know.” I just blinked up at him, waiting for an explanation. “Well?”

Nothing. Not even a strangled breath. “I just had to.”

“That’s the best you can do? Are you seriously still that fucking thick in the head?” “I didn’t have a choice, Ira,” he shouted.

“Yes,” I nodded. “You absolutely had a choice. You could’ve at least left me a fucking note with a number on it so I could talk to you. You were all I had, Cass. All I fucking had and you just disappeared. What did you expect me to do?"

Cassian shrugged, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I-I don’t know. I thought you’d get yourself together and make it out too. Build your own empire, like the one we have here.”

“In case you forgot, I didn’t get to finish school like you did.”

“Well that’s not my fault.”

The fucking nerve. I stood up, barely coming to his chest, and smacked him across the face. His head jerked to the side, and his mouth fell open. I shoved him into the wall on the other side of the hallway and he fell into it.

“You are a piece of fucking shit Cassian.”

“Ira-” “Did you really think that I would end up alright without you there? Could you really be that fucking stupid?”

“I didn’t think that-”

“Of course you didn’t. You never have. You’ve only ever thought about yourself and what would benefit you. You never gave a shit about me, I was just a burden you couldn’t get rid of.” “That’s not true,” he gritted his teeth.

“Tell me that I am not a constant reminder of dad. Or mom. Tell me.” I waited for a response. When nothing came, I felt the nausea roll through my body. “You are one sorry son of a bitch Cassian.”

“Jesus Ira you think I wanted to abandon you?” “You haven’t given me one other reason to believe anything different,” I was screaming now. I didn’t care if anyone else heard. “The last memory I have of you is seeing you packing a fucking bag and climbing out your window, what else am I supposed to believe about you?”

A door clicked open, and Azriel emerged. He looked at us with raised eyebrows. He had changed into all black. Fuck him and his good looks and his perpetually messy hair that I wanted to tug on.

“Everything alright?”

No, you fucking prick.

“Just re-kindling our sibling rivalry,” I gave a mocking look, staring down Azriel. “Mind your own damn business. This doesn’t concern you.”

“Ira,” Cassian said, somewhat appalled.

“Just fuck off, Cassian,” I waved my hand at him. “Like I said, I’ll be gone in the morning and you don’t ever have to worry about making it up to me again because you won’t be able to. Hope you are happy living in your perfect little bubble with your perfectly little circle. Hope they’re all more important to you than I ever was.”

I slammed the door shut quicker than he could get a response out, leaning against it. I hadn’t ever realized that I was shaking.

Whatever. Fuck him too. I don’t need Cassian. I haven’t needed him for the past six years. God, had it really been that long?

There was no use in unpacking so I just piled the bags in the corner of the room. And there was also nothing to do besides lay down simply because there wasn’t enough room to do anything else.

Maybe when everyone has gone to sleep, or home, I’ll go sneak around. Take something just to piss him off. Nothing too valuable, but something really inconvenient like all the salt and pepper shakers or all the spoons. Or one of the Corvettes in the driveway.

I could easily pick out which one was his; the yellow one with the black stripes on the hood. He always loved to be bold. How he fit in there I’ll never know.

My mind was racing with thoughts, but eventually I had fallen asleep because the sun was peeking through the crack under my door. I stirred and sat up, tucking my boob back into the shirt since it slipped out. Not my proudest moment for sure.

I changed into a hoodie and some other jeans, folding the shirt and skirt up to give back to Mor. It didn’t feel right to take them. She didn’t do anything wrong.

With far more precision, I made it downstairs to the front door. It unlocked easily, thankfully no alarm system went off. The chill of the early morning greeted me and I slipped out silently.

Fuck, this driveway was long. Couldn’t they be normal and have a normal fucking sized driveway? It was so unnecessary.

And of course there was nothing at the end of it. Just the road and nothing else. Not another house or anything. Who knows how far it could be until a bus station. Hopefully this place wasn’t filled with a bunch of weirdos and I wouldn’t get kidnapped.

The thought of carrying all these bags for miles would tear up my back and shoulders. I didn’t have that much but… I needed all of it.

“Ira!”

I whirled around and saw a Cassian shaped silhouette coming down the driveway. Oh great.

“Come to demand I pay for the broken frame?” “Stay.”

What? “What?”

Cassian breathed heavily, “Stay. I-I am so sorry for what I said. And you’re right, I don’t ever think of anyone other than myself. And I’m sorry I never told you where I was going. I want to fix it, but I can’t if you don’t at least let me try.”

I dropped the bags, totally not believing what I was hearing. “And what if I don’t give a flying fuck if you want to or not?”

Cassian completely deflated. “Please, Ira. I made a promise to Dana and Robert that I would look after you. I miss you. There hasn’t been a day that’s gone by where I don’t feel like a piece of shit for what I did."

So what if he made a promise to Dana and Arthur? He made a promise to me first. To always stick together. To always be there. He hung me out to dry before I even had a chance to notice.

I fucking hated Cassian. More than anything right now I wanted to watch him be boiled alive. Could he really even help me anyway? What was the fucking point of any of this? I was already humiliated, and dragging innocent people into my bullshit surely didn’t help.

Throw Cassian back into the mix and my kleptomaniac behaviors will definitely skyrockets.

“Why should I?”

“Because what other option do you realistically have?”

“That is not fair,” I flare my nostrils. “You have no right to waltz back into my life and pretend you give a shit about me.”

“You were the one who was dropped on my doorstep,” Cassian pointed out, making my stomach drop.

“You know, you’re doing a shit job at showing that you legitimately want me to stay, asshole.” I was getting a little angry. Good things did not happen when I felt betrayed. “And for the record, I tried to talk them out of bringing me here, but they went around me and got a fucking court order. So, whether you want to believe it or not, it was not my choice to be here. I can’t even go back with Dana and Arthur because there will be a warrant out for my arrest.”

“Shit…” Cassian dragged a hand over his face. “Ira I’m-”

“Sorry. I know. But you lost the privilege of my forgiveness long ago. It is gonna take a hell of a lot more than ‘I’m sorry’ to fix what you’ve done to me.”

“I know, I know,” Cassian softened his eyes and his voice, standing tall in front of me. “Just… give me something. Anything, and I will never betray you ever again.”

Should I believe him? I have no fucking idea what to do. All my alarm bells are telling me to run and don’t look back, but that gaping pit in my stomach is melting into him and those stupid fucking puppy dog eyes of his. So unfair.

This was gonna be a rough fucking time. Nothing about this was going to be easy, but… he was right. I didn’t have another option. And maybe there was something salvageable between Cassian and I. It would take a hell of a lot of convincing to be able to trust him ever again, but he was still Cassie. That same smug son of a bitch who gave the best hugs in the world.

If he wanted me to stay, there were going to have to be some sacrifices on his end. Mostly just to piss him off and make him sulk.

“I want a real fucking room.”

“Any one in the house.”

“I want yours.”

“Absolutely not,” Cassian furrowed his brow. “Plus, I don’t even live here anymore. Just Rhys, Feyre and Nyx. Nesta, Azriel and I live in the next town.”

“So what, you all just visit together and pretend to be a big happy family?” I scoffed, kicking a stone.

“We don’t pretend, Ira,” he didn’t say it rudely, but more matter of fact-ly. And he looked at me like I had never known what a family was. I guess he forgot that when he left it kind of ruined me. Or again maybe he just didn’t care what it would do to me back then.

Cassian looked sad. Not depressed or upset, just sad.

“Your room or I’m gonna walk away right now.” There was no room for negotiating in my voice. I could see the conflict in his eyes, but with a sigh he gave in.

“Fine, you can have my room here,” Cassian rolled his eyes dramatically.

“Was that so hard?”

“Yes,” he nodded. “Actually it was. I spent weeks designing that room. All for it to go to fucking waste.” “Sucks to suck I guess,” I smirked, shouldering two of my bags. “I’m gonna work hard, you know. I’m tired of always being in the fucking mud.”

“Yes, you are going to work hard. You’re going to have to follow some rules and check in. And you’re gonna have a curfew.”

“A curfew? What am I, thirteen?”

“Until you can prove to me that you’re not gonna go and rob a bank, yes, you’ll have a curfew,” Cassian picked up my other bags and started walking back to the house. “We’re gonna find you a job because I will not be funding your operation.”

“What happened to ‘we have a lot of money. It could use some wasting’?”

“Rhys wasn’t wrong,” Cassian said. “But just because we have it doesn’t mean you get access to it.”

“Jeez, sorry I brought it up, grumpy pants,” my turn to roll my eyes. “And what kind of rules anyway?”

“We’ll talk about it later. Some of us like to get a full eight hours of sleep every day so I am going back to bed. You’re not allowed to leave the house until I say so, so find something to do.”

“Or someone,” I whispered to myself. But Cassian heard. “A joke.”

“Don’t think I didn’t notice you eye fucking Azriel,” Cassian practically gagged. “That is one of your rules. You are not allowed to be engaged with him in any type of way. The last thing he needs right now is you.”

“Right to the heart.”

“I mean it, he’s been through a lot the past year and a half. It took him a long time to get to where he is and I won’t let you ruin it for him,” Cassian said possessively. “He, along with everyone else, is my family. Fuck with them and you’re dealing with me.” “News flash, buddy, so am I. We share the same DNA, and hair and eyes according to everyone else on the fucking planet,” I genuinely could not see it.

“Ira, I’m serious. If you fuck around with Azriel and I find out I sweat to-”

“Jesus, calm down Vengeance. Gotham is safe from the Joker,” I followed him inside, clicking the door shut behind me. “I won’t get involved with Azriel.”

“Good.”

Life is too short to not fuck who you want, who gives a shit about what other people think. Sorry Cassian, but I am gonna fucking break that promise if it’s the last thing I do. And so help me god when I do get my hands on him because I’ll never let go.

#acotar fanfic #acotar fanfiction #azriel #acotar fandom #acotar #azriel shadowsinger #azriel acotar #azriel x ofc #azriel x oc #a court of thorns and roses #acosf #cassian acotar #acomaf #acowar #acotar fic

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mipwrites · 3 months

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A Court of Snow and Shadow Multi || Romance & Mystery || Azriel x OFC

Read on Ao3 || playlist || masterlist

Chapter Three: Pre-Dream Condition

Summary: Azriel feels the effects of the mating bond.

Rhys wishes for absolution.

Nyra succumbs.

Sins of the past breach the surface.

Someone above them gasped. Another swore colorfully. Azriel heard none of it. His entire world began and ended within Nyra’s gaze. The Winter Court itself could have come down around them and he would have hardly noticed. He would happily have stayed on that solar floor for the rest of his immortal life – abstain from all food, water, and movement so long as she never turned her gaze away. Mother above, had there ever been such blue eyes as these before?

A/N: She's HEEEERE! Chapter three! WOOF this one was a beast, guys, but I am SO excited for you guys to have it at last. Enjoy!

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cest-la-vieve · 1 year

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A Court of Pain and Pleasure (Ch. 15)

Summary: Evelyn tries to handle Azriel's rejection, making for several awkward interactions and one wholesome one with Cassian. Meanwhile, the Inner Circle prepares for the Court of Nightmares.

Word Count: 5.4k

Warnings: Chronic disability/pain, cussing, fluff, mentions of violence

Notes: enjoy!!!

Next Chapter: Chapter Sixteen

ACOPAP Masterlist

---

I woke up the next morning and could feel how swollen my eyes were, likely still ringed in red.

Once, when I was really young, some girl insulted me, telling me no one would ever want to marry a girl who couldn’t even walk right. I had cried for hours while Nesta sat near me. It had only been right before bed that I stopped and she warned me, saying, “Never cry before you fall asleep because the tears will mark your eyes for two days instead of one that way.” Not to mention the verbal lashing she had given that girl the next day.

She was right.

I groaned and rolled out of bed, noting her absence. She had probably gone to check on Elain while I slept.

I padded my way to the bathing room. Like every other room in the house, it was immaculately decorated with white marble walls, a bathtub large enough for twenty people, and an assortment of scented lotions and soaps that could have filled a whole store.

Placing my hands on the counter, I leaned in to evaluate my reflection. My eyes were swollen and puffy. I frowned at them, noting the lack of sleep drawing lines on my face as well.

I could almost see the dejection manifested around me in a physical cloud of sadness.

Fuck Azriel and his rejection. Fuck his silence. Fuck his unwillingness to actually show emotion for once in his godsdamned life.

And fuck his stupidly perfect handsome fucking face.

I chuckled to myself, knowing that once upon a time Elain would have gasped at my foul mouth. That thought alone gave me the strength I needed to will back the tears that were threatening to spill again and stand straighter. I had to keep my composure for my sister, even if I couldn’t keep it for myself.

My eyes continued to trace my features, pausing on my catlike green eyes, the slight upturn of my straight button nose, and the slight curve of my hips. I might not be stoically gorgeous like Nesta, classically beautiful like Elain, or powerfully stunning like Feyre but I was attractive in my own right.

I was beautiful, in a way. Beyond everything, I was determined, which was enough to satisfy me.

Any male would be lucky to have me. But I didn’t need a male and I never had.

As much as I had cared for Cyril, our engagement had been out of companionship and convenience more than love or a soul-deep need.

And Azriel… I wanted him. I had told him as much and I meant every word. That want wasn’t going to disappear in one night, even with how blatantly he had rejected me. But I didn’t need him. Not right now…

I gathered my hair into a messy bun and left the room with newfound confidence. Pulling on leggings and a loose top, I practically bounced on the balls of my feet into the hallway. I peeked into Elain’s room and saw Nesta reading next to her. Deciding to leave them alone and that I had bothered Nesta enough, for now, I pranced down into the kitchen.

I hummed to myself as I danced around the kitchen, opening cupboards in a desperate hunt for a mug. I smiled triumphantly as I found one but it quickly turned into a frown as I realized that the entire shelf was filled with plain white mugs. Clearly, I was going to have to paint one to say “Best High Lord” for Rhysand. At the very least, some of them needed floral designs or something.

Carrying the mug in one hand, I restarted my hunt, only this time looking for tea. I knew Rhysand had indicated the house was enchanted to conjure food and drinks but something about the process of making tea had always soothed me. I only hoped that the kitchen was still stocked since it wasn’t often used.

I opened the cupboard next to the mugs and realized there was only one box of tea leaves. Curious.

I pulled it out, trying to discern what the flavor was just by the appearance. Taking a deep inhale, I realized.

The mug in my left hand fell to the ground and shattered.

Black currant.

“Shit,” I muttered, but even I couldn’t tell if it was over the tea or the broken mug. Probably both.

Tears stung my eyes again as I realized Azriel must have put that in there. That, or it was some cruel coincidence.

It was the tea I had made for him when we had first met all those months ago. My heart clenched as I remembered how he had gotten the teacups down for me. The feel of his body beside mine as he easily grabbed the cups from the highest shelf…

I had been so snappy with Elain as she fawned over him. All over a male I had just met.

I put the tea on the counter and knelt to clean the shards of ceramic. I swept them into a small pile before trying to scoop them into my hands. One sliced my palm and I hissed as a small pool of blood welled there. I watched the blood bead from the cut, momentarily hypnotized as my mind went blissfully blank.

Steps approached the kitchen, startling me enough that I quickly stood. I dropped the shards into the trash bin and turned to face the entrance.

Rhysand strolled in confidently, Azriel following behind him.

I stiffened, holding my wrist with my uninjured hand as my palm continued to bleed. I kept my eyes on Rhys, giving him a small smile, even as I could feel Azriel looking at me.

“You’re hurt.”

His deep voice rumbled through the room and I rolled my eyes before finally looking at him. “Astute observation, shadowsinger. Gods Rhys, wherever did you find such a competent male to be your Spymaster?”

Rhys glanced between the two of us with an eyebrow raised but didn’t say anything.

Addressing the High Lord, I said, “I’m sorry about the mug, by the way. Who knew my clumsiness as a human would carry over into my Fae existence?”

“It’s no issue,” he dismissed, “We have plenty of them. Although, you could have asked the House for a drink.”

I waved him off, finally walking over to pour some water on my hand, the line already healing to a faded pink slash thanks to my new High Fae blood. “It’s nice to make something for yourself once in a while. By the way, where’s my sister?”

“She’s with Cassian at the moment. They’re embarking on a… mission to get us some valuable information and potentially an ally for this upcoming conflict.”

“Oh?”

He nodded, clearly uncomfortable sharing any more than the tidbit of information. Not one to miss a hint, I shrugged and turned back to get another mug from the cupboard. I set to work boiling water and mixing in the tea leaves. I could only hope neither male noticed the shiver I couldn’t repress as the scent of black currant wafted up from the hot water.

Neither of the Illyrians said a word as I finished my cup of tea and sat at the counter to enjoy it. They both watched me intently, Rhysand with amusement, supposedly at my insistence to do things the “human way”, and Azriel with a smoldering intensity that had my stomach clenching and my heart skipping a beat.

I blew gently on the steaming cup and looked up at Rhysand through my lashes. “Any chance you could add another party to your Court of Nightmares visit? Nesta debriefed me on the whole thing last night after…” I trailed off, sneaking a glance at Azriel and deciding against addressing him, “After I went to her to ask after Elain’s condition. I’m interested to see this second court and I promise to stay out of trouble.” I said the last part with what I hoped was a halfway convincing grin of innocence. Though, judging by the laughter dancing in Rhysand’s eyes, he didn’t buy it.

“I’m not sure I can let a loose canon run wild in Keir’s domain, as much as I would love to. You’ve barely had a day of controlling your power and this mission cannot be compromised.”

I glared at the High Lord and wrapped both of my hands around the warm ceramic, feeling the calming heat flood my body with comfort. “I can control myself. You can even assign me a babysitter. Mor’s going, right?”

Rhysand still looked dubious as he considered my offer. I was about to get on my knees and beg him to let me go along. I couldn’t imagine sitting in the house alone, left with nothing to do but think of… of everything that’s happened.

Rhys’s loud sigh drew me out of my thoughts. I snapped my eyes to him and he reluctantly said, “You can go.”

I squealed, jumping off the stool I was perched on but before I could throw myself on the High Lord in gratitude, he pinned me with a harsh look. “But,” he started and I deflated, “Azriel will have to keep an eye on you.”

I froze.

“Nevermind, I’m good. I’ll keep Elain company.” I turned on my heel, placing the dishes in a sink and hoping the males would take that as an answer and leave.

A sigh of exasperation and then, “Evelyn.”

It wasn’t the High Lord who spoke my name with such irritation and exhaustion. I refused to turn around and look at him. I told him. I could not have made it clearer. I wanted nothing to do with him.

“Evelyn, don’t be childish.”

I whirled. “Don’t be childish?!” I growled at the shadowsinger.

I could see the edges of my vision glowing with the light I’d come to recognize as my powers and it wouldn’t surprise me if the males saw my eyes beginning to glow. Good. Maybe I’d even manage to strike a kernel of fear into his cold, dead heart.

“I think we have different definitions of childish, shadowsinger. I’d define it as walking away rather than expressing your feelings. In fact, as you should know, I’m very good at expressing my feelings which I don’t think is childish at all.”

He stalked forward, shadows spreading from him as he braced his arms on the counter opposite me. His eyes darkened and I could practically see the shadows forming inside them.

I didn’t back down from his gaze, though. I wouldn’t allow myself to. I crossed my arms over my chest and met his steely look with one of my own, challenging him to say I was wrong.

Rhys cleared his throat before either of us could intimidate the other further.

“Eve, you’re welcome to join us but you will need supervision. Azriel is the only one I can be sure won’t have his hands full with anything other than ensuring your safety.”

I looked between the two males before me. Rhys seemed to be pleading with me but I couldn’t understand exactly what he wanted me to say. I wasn’t going to yield on this but I did want to see the Court of Nightmares.

I sighed. “Fine. Azriel can shadow me,” I bit the inside of my cheek to hold back a grin at the irony of the pun, “But I can promise you I won’t make it easy on him. He made his choice last night.”

I turned on my heel and walked out of the kitchen without another word. I smiled to myself as I heard Rhys’s angry voice growl out, “What did you do?”

At least Rhysand was on my side.

I went upstairs, veering towards where Nesta and Elain had taken up residence in the library. I didn’t say anything to my sisters, not wanting to disrupt the silence that blanketed the room. I wasn’t even sure what I would say.

To ask how they were doing seemed foolish. I knew we weren’t alright.

I couldn’t bring myself to ask anything about the Cauldron, every time I thought about it all I could feel was that sickly smoke filling my lungs until I passed out. Even now, I could feel the way my lungs screamed for air and found none.

Shaking my head to clear the thought, I gently walked over to one of the many bookshelves, feeling Nesta follow the movements. My fingers traced the spines as I paced back and forth, looking for any title that seemed interesting.

I settled on a History of Prythian, hoping that it might have some more in-depth information than the books I’d found on the human side of the Wall. It was jarring to think about how recently I had been searching for a way to get Feyre back to the human realm when Prythian was where she belonged all along.

I sat in the chair next to Elain, taking one of her hands from where it was clasped on her lap into my own, and began reading. I knew Nesta kept one eye on her book and the other on us, but for once it was nice to just sit without having to think about every move I made or the impending war.

We sat there for a few hours until the sun reached its apex and shone through the windows as a harsh reminder of what little time we had before braving the Court of Nightmares. I heard footsteps and slipped my hand out of Elain’s to stand beside her, unsure who was approaching.

Feyre walked - or more accurately limped - into the room. I gave her a slight smile, nodding in solidarity as the sight of her aching limbs made me realize just how sore I was. It was difficult for me to feel it in this new body, so used to having such severe pain that this was a welcomed relief, despite the way I could now feel each muscle in my back whining which every movement.

“Hello,” she murmured, “It’s a fine day.”

I lightly snorted at her attempted conversation and she shot me a glare. Our focus moved to Nesta as she asked, “Where’s your menagerie of friends?”

I scrunched my face in an unattractive way, giving her a look that asked why the hell she would ask that. She knew I wanted to avoid the shadowsinger for as long as I could before we left. She also knew that Feyre had no clue what had gone down yesterday while she was otherwise occupied.

“Those friends have offered you shelter and comfort. Are you ready for tonight?”

Before Nesta could say something insulting about Feyre’s Court, I answered, “Yes. We’re ready. And we’re grateful for your friends’ generosity.”

Nesta scoffed and Feyre nodded a bit before moving closer to where I stood with Elain.

Feyre stood by my side, asking Elain, “What are you looking at?”

I was prepared to step in again, tell her that Elain hadn’t spoken much and maybe now wasn’t the time, but my elder sister’s voice quietly answered, “I can see so very far now. All the way to the sea.”

My lips parted in a silent gasp at my sister’s words, a hand lifting to my chest.

“It takes some getting used to,” Feyre responded, following Elain’s gaze out the window. I looked too, realizing just how far this new sight could go. It was terrifying and beautiful at the same time to understand the extent of my new body.

“I can hear your heartbeat - if I listen carefully. I can hear her heartbeat too.”

Everything stopped. I shuddered and stepped away from my sisters. Time seems to still as I remembered the pounding of my own heartbeat in my head as I lost myself completely. When I couldn’t breathe and the world crashed in on me. I remembered the look on Rhysand’s face as he prepared to strike me down to save my sister.

I took a few staggering steps back, struggling to even my breath and keep myself on my feet. Nesta raised a brow in question, worry flashing across her eyes for a second before she locked it down again.

“I-” I started, but couldn’t find the words.

Nesta cut in, “You know, with the hours I spent yesterday working on mental shields, you seem woefully unprepared for this trip, sister.”

Feyre furrowed her eyebrows as she drew her gaze away from Elain and the window. She blinked a few times before seeming to fully understand what Nesta had said. “Oh, yes. Evelyn, I think Rhysand is downstairs, he can show you the basics before we leave.”

I nodded mutely, still unsure of my voice, and quickly left the room. I shut the doors behind me as I left, taking a deep breath and trying to focus on any sound other than my heartbeat. Unfortunately, that left my ears to seek out any other sounds they could find. And they found the low rumbling of a voice downstairs that I recognized all too easily.

Despite the truth in Nesta’s excuse, there was no way I was going downstairs to find Rhysand if that’s where he was. So instead I took off down the hallway, seeking out that scent that was distinctly Cassian, hoping this Fae sense wouldn’t overwhelm me and could guide me to the right place.

Thankfully, the smell grew stronger the more I walked and I found myself in front of Cassian’s door. I strained my ears, only listening for proof he was in there. When I heard shuffling movements on the other side, I raised a hand and knocked. The sounds stopped for a moment before heavy footsteps approached the door.

Cassian pulled open the door, “Rhys, I swear-” He cut himself off, eyes widening in surprise when he looked down and realized it was me.

I smiled shyly up at him, feeling unexpected emotion sting the back of my throat.

“Evelyn?” He was adorably confused as he said it, almost as if he was questioning not only my presence in his doorway but everything in his life that had led to that point.

I let out a sound halfway between a laugh and a sob as I rushed forward, wrapping my arms around him as tight as I could.

His body locked up as I struggled to keep my hold while being mindful of his wings. Silent tears tracked their way down my face as I stood there, not willing to let go of him.

Eventually, his mind seemed to catch up with his body as he wrapped his arms around my shoulders, petting one hand down my hair in a soothing gesture that just served to remind me of the feeling of another male’s hand on my head.

He froze again and I let out a sarcastic laugh as he seemed to hesitate. “Not used to dealing with crying females?” I asked him ruefully.

He pulled back a little with a shrug. “I’m much better with laughing ones.”

Before I could make another sarcastic remark, Cassian’s arms were back around me and he was lifting me off my feet, spinning me around the room.

Despite myself, I let out a giggle at his antics. A dashing smile crossed his features as my giggle turned into a full-out laugh and he crashed us back onto his bed.

As we both caught our breath and laid on our backs, I turned to grin at him. “Thank you, Cas. I needed that.”

His face turned serious but he gave me a tight-lipped smile in response. “I could tell.”

I shrugged, turning my gaze back to the ceiling so I didn’t have to see any judgment in his eyes.

“Care to tell me what that was all about, Eve?”

I shrugged again, though I could feel him staring at me, waiting for a response. When the silence had stretched on too long, I huffed and sat up. Looking at him, I crossed my arms and looked at him.

Of course, he looked perfectly at ease, arms crossed behind his head as he laid back. He likely had the patience to wait hours for me to confess what had been slowly eating away at my heart like a disease.

“Well…” I hesitated, unsure how much to tell him. “Elain said something about being able to hear heartbeats and it just… reminded me how overwhelming all of this has been. Beyond the war and…” An image flashed of Azriel’s back as he turned and walked away from me yesterday. I cleared my throat and continued, “Everything that happened with Feyre. The physical changes alone are enough to drive me mad if I focus on any of them long enough.”

Cassian had sat up as I spoke, stretching his long legs off the edge of the bed. He nodded, like this was something he was expecting. “I can imagine how difficult that adjustment is. Madja said you might have a harder time than your sisters considering…”

“Considering what?” I perked up, suddenly more interested in this than what had been bothering me.

“Well,” he started, “Of the three of you… you were the only one who didn’t wake up when you came out of that Cauldron. Madja said it was probably because of all the internal damage you had. The force of the magic to heal you, transform you into a High Fae, and other… changes were enough to render you unconscious for a month.”

Cassian had answered a question I realized I hadn’t even had. When I woke up, I was more concerned with my sisters and Azriel than I was with myself. I hadn’t even thought to ask anyone why I had been affected so differently than my sisters.

It made sense though. I was more broken than the rest of them. Even the Cauldron knew it, apparently. A broken doll that had to be rebuilt piece by piece.

“Thank you,” I whispered, the weight of his honesty sinking into me. Maybe if he could be honest, I could too. “That’s not all…”

He quirked a brow.

“I know you walked in on Azriel and me when we- Well, when we…” I blushed, hiding my face in my hands at the memory. Cassian made an encouraging noise and I looked at him.

“He rejected me, Cas,” my voice cracked on more unshed tears. “I was too broken for him, too.”

He pulled me into a hug, crushing me against his chest.

Tears threatened to spill again but I remembered the promise I made myself this morning. No more tears over him.

I pulled away from Cassian, standing abruptly and pacing before him. “It’s his loss.”

“Damn right, it is. I don’t know what the idiot was thinking.”

I stopped in my tracks. I wasn’t expecting him to agree with me so easily, to throw his brother under the bus like that.

“For what it’s worth,” he stood taking my hands in his, “You’re not too broken, Eve. For the Cauldron or Azriel. You’re too good. Neither one of them knew what to do with all the light in you. The Cauldron turned that light into power and Az… Well, Az is more content to stay in the dark. That’s on him, not on you.”

I smiled at him, a genuine one this time. This male had embraced me wholeheartedly just because of how much Feyre cared about me. I was eternally grateful I had somehow been blessed with his presence in my life. So I told him as much.

“Thank you, Cassian. For being the brother I never had and never realized I needed.”

“Anytime, kid.” He pulled me under his arm, ruffling my hair and I barked out a protest. I sometimes forgot just how much older these males were, and the things they had seen across centuries. “Kid” probably barely scratched the surface when it came to the differences between my life so far and Cassian’s.

I pulled myself away from him, straightening my hair and glaring. I opened my mouth to scold him but before I could, his door opened.

Azriel walked in, already talking. “Rhys needs us to pack up the Archerons and-”

His eyes met mine. I figured at the very least he would stop talking, ask what the hell I was doing here, anything. But a slight hitch in his breath and tensing of shoulders was all he gave away as he seamlessly continued, “Move them to the Town House. Now.”

“What?” I asked, confused why we’d have to leave so suddenly.

Azriel ignored me, keeping his eyes on Cassian.

Oh. So we were playing that game. Perfect.

Cassian crossed his arms in front of his broad chest, taking a protective step closer to me as he answered his brother. “I’ve got Evelyn. You can pack up the others.”

I offered him a grateful look. Azriel nodded slightly and left just as curtly as he had come, leaving wisps of shadow in his wake.

Minutes later, Cassian and I had packed “my” things - despite me never seeing over half of them before in my life - into a few bags that would be winnowed into my new room eventually. He scooped me into his arms, saying he’d rather fly me than have anyone else do it and I relented. He did, however, have to set me down to wrap his other arm around Lucien as Feyre told Nesta to go with Rhys. I didn’t let myself look at Azriel carrying Elain like she was fine china, ready to break at a single jostle.

Fine… Maybe I did. But just to check on my sister.

I watched Feyre try to fly, snickering slightly to myself as she gave up and winnowed. Azriel beat us there, Rhys close behind with a rather sickly-looking Nesta in his arms. Cassian landed gently, letting Lucien find his own way inside while he offered an elbow to me.

I laughed, wrapping one hand to rest on his forearm and patting it for good measure. “Such a gentleman.”

He smirked, walking with me through the grand door and into the sitting room.

Lucien was staring at a hallway like it had personally offended him and I raised an eyebrow as Rhys said, “Relax. Azriel isn’t the ravishing type.”

The memory of his hands on my body, his mouth on mine, and the way his body had slotted so perfectly against mine… I caught myself as I nearly snorted at Rhys’s words, turning it into a cough. Azriel was the definition of ravishing.

My coughing turned to cringing as the sound of Nesta retching echoed throughout the room.

“What did you do?” Cassian asked, horrified.

Feyre crossed her arms, “I asked him the same thing. He said he ‘went fast’.”

I smirked at my brother-in-law, though I’m sure Nesta was beyond upset with him.

Nesta threw open the door to the bathroom, her eyes aglow with a light I had never seen before. She nearly went after Rhys, that unholy light burning within her normally pale blue eyes, but Cassian dropped his arm from mine and stepped forward before she could.

“Do you know that the last time I got into a brawl in this house, I was kicked out for a month?”

At this, I did laugh. It was nervous and clipped but it dragged Nesta’s attention to me. Her posture seemed to soften and that glow left her gaze. It felt like the entire room had sighed in relief until Lucien, the idiot, asked, “What are you?”

I nearly slapped his arm but Nesta turned towards him and answered before I could, “I made it give something back.” She didn’t elaborate and I knew I was the only one who didn’t need her to. I knew exactly what it meant to go into the Cauldron and I knew exactly what my sister was capable of. “I wish to go to my room,” she said to Feyre.

Feyre shook her head to refocus as she realized Nesta was addressing her. My younger sister looked between me and Nesta as she answered, “Up the stairs, on your right. Second door. Or the third or fourth - whichever suits you. The spare is for Elain. We need to leave in… two hours.”

Nesta nodded and slunk upstairs. I moved to follow but Cassian’s whispered question stopped me. “Is that sort of thing even possible? For someone to take from the Cauldron’s essence?”

Before anyone else could answer, I turned around, halfway up the stairs. I breathed, “Yes.”

I shouldn’t have been surprised that they all heard me, and yet I was hoping they wouldn’t. All eyes turned my way and I did my best to channel Nesta as I kept my head up and said, “But it takes everything from you, too.”

I left before their questions, which I knew were coming, hit my ears. Quickly deducing which of the rooms Nesta had taken, I took the one farthest from the stairs, leaving Nesta between Elain and me. I figured she’d want equal access to both of us and I didn’t feel like being that close to the stairs. This way, I could close myself off the way I always had. Make my room my sanctuary and stay there as often as I could.

Two hours, Feyre had said. Two hours to get ready.

Thankfully, I was saved from having to get myself ready when Mor slipped into the room. She gave me a wide grin, floating over to the closet humming, no words spoken between us. I was grateful. I wasn’t sure what I would say.

She laid a dress out for me before turning, clearly an order to put it on. I did so without hesitation, noting the way the chiffon hugged me tightly before pooling near my feet. My left arm was covered in a black lace sleeve that reminded me of Feyre’s tattoos, the other left bare, exposing the upper part of my chest and accentuating my collarbones. The underlayer was the purest white, detailed with black until the bottom where it faded into the darkest black I’d ever seen. It reminded me of the day we had saved Feyre, when Azriel landed and his shadows had spread across the ice.

I smiled as Mor zipped it up, then she moved to work on my hair. “Isn’t it a little odd for me to wear white?”

She shrugged, gesturing at her own red gown, and teased, “I don’t really care. I’ve heard your eyes glow white so I figured your dress might as well match.”

“Huh,” I said, playing with the lace while she worked on curling my hair. “What else have you heard?”

I felt her go still in the way only a Fae could. “Everything.”

“Everything?” My voice cracked as I asked.

She moved to kneel in front of me and nodded.

“I- I don’t know what to do,” I admitted.

“Show him what an idiot he is.”

The words burned through me, lighting a fire that had only been smoldering embers until this moment. She was right.

Clearly, my determination showed because she just smiled and moved back, suddenly chatting about anything and everything.

When it was finally time to visit the Hewn City, Mor winnowed me in with her, insisting to Rhys that it was in the name of justice. He had no idea what she meant by that, and frankly neither did I, but he allowed it.

So we stood in the shadows of the throne room, waiting for Rhysand and Feyre to arrive, Azriel, Nesta, and Amren entering right before they did.

Mor nudged me with her shoulder, sending me forward, and whispered, “Make him beg,” before darting off.

I met Nesta’s eyes, smiling slightly as I took long strides to join her side, not even risking a glance at the shadowsinger behind her.

I knew I looked good. And despite being terrified, I was determined not to show any weakness, either to this false court or the male who had broken me in so many ways. So I channeled that fear and let it show in my eyes, that ring of white lining my vision as I let a little of that most deadly part of myself out.

I’d have him on his knees by the time we left.

Taglist: @mis-lil-red @ambivertedcroissant @reareaikea @biblophilefox82 @in-some-fandoms @hollyismentallyillhelp @donttellmehowtowrite @issybee0611 @vera0124 @juulle987 @bankerfrog @pricklepearbloom @sevikas-whore @strawberyseas @azzydaddy @amberash05

#acotar #acomaf #acowar #acofas #acosf #acopap #a court of pain and pleasure #azriel x reader #azriel x ofc

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azsazz · 1 year

Text

The Moon in the Night Sky

Okay, trying something new here and posting this commission I did for @swansworth and her OC Maeven. This was a super fun project that I had the pleasure of writing, and thank you for trusting me with your OC 💙

Azriel x Maeven (@swansworth OC)

Summary: Azriel and Maeven have been falling for each other without realizing, until the night of Starfall, they do.

Warnings: Smut!

Word Count: 5,584

_________________________________________

It had been far too long since Azriel had seen her.

He couldn’t help the ghost of a smile that tugged at his lips as Maeven flitted down the streets of Velaris. The crisp night wind blows her dark hair from her face, loose strands catching in the threads of her feathered wings. He watches her inhale deeply, the blissful scent of spices and herbs spilling into the street from the restaurant he’s supposed to be meeting the Inner Circle at.

He’d only been away for three days, sent off to gather intel about a new species of fae that had arrived at the Dawn Court from lands across the sea, but he found himself missing her nonetheless. They were interesting creatures at that, with colorful skin and such human-like eyes it made Azriel shiver.

They seemed friendly enough, and the Spymaster had left with word that Thesan would be sending an invitation to all of the High Lords soon enough to meet his new companions.

Her pale skin shines beneath the moonlight, highlighting the scar across her face, one that he finds himself wanting to know the story of. After all of these years she hadn’t spoken of it, and he wished that he could be like Maeven, strong and proud of the pink blemish that sliced her face from crown to nearly her chin.

He pushes himself from the shroud of shadows, directly into her path.

“Maeven,” he greets with a nod. She startles slightly, blinking up at him with her shimmering silver eyes. Azriel can’t help but to stare. They’re mesmerizing, like she’d somehow caught a drip of the moon in them, assessing his face like a diamond-flame, warming him from the inside out.

“Azriel,” she laughs and his shadows purr at the melodic sound. He stealthily shoos them away, basking in her presence. “Has it been three days already?”

Her tone is impish and it’s paired with a cheeky smile that has him clenching his hands together behind his back instead of reaching out to brush the stray hair that’s tangled in the deep onyx feathers of the wings framing her ample body.

He hums in response as the breeze picks up again, this time casting her sweet scent his way; lavender and rosemary. His long eyelashes flutter in the wind and his shoulders relax as he inhales. He didn’t realize he’d been missing the way Maeven smelled while he was away.

“It has,” he responds and it’s nearly a sigh. He stares down at her for a moment, drinking her in, and he finds their silence to be easy, comforting.

Someone shoulders their way out of the restaurant and the pair jump apart. The male falters but his glare melts into an apology when he meets the glowing eyes of the shadowsinger. He hunches his shoulders and steps out into the street quickly.

Azriel catches the door as it swings shut, staring holes into the back of the males head. It softens when he sees Maven’s slight frown, and Azriel finds himself wondering where her mind is, if she was as bothered by the sudden intrusion as much as he was.

“Shall we?” he asks when she returns her attention to him. His shadows have made him very aware of the hostess scowling at him from behind her stand as he lets the chill of the Velaris night sweep into the warm restaurant.

Maven gives him a soft nod and an even softer thank you as he ushers her inside, pinning her wings in close as she dips in through the doorway. Azriel follows, shaking his wings out before tucking them in, knowing they’ll be stapled together until the dinner has finished. They contort somewhat uncomfortably as he ducks inside, his shadows slithering quickly behind him as he lets the door fall shut.

.·:·.☽ ✦ ☾.·:·.

Azriel sees her again the next day on his walk. Training hadn’t helped expel the amount of adrenaline that had been rushing through his veins since he’d returned from the Dawn Court, so he thought he’d take a stroll through the beautiful streets of Velaris.

He catches sight of Maeven with a laundry basket full of clothes tucked tightly against her hip and a water basin in the other. Her strength catches him off guard a little, for all of the times he had admired her from afar he’d never seen her muscles in use, but now, head held high and carrying her things with ease, he was even more impressed by the quiet girl he’d come to know.

“Would you like some help with that?” he asks though he knows she doesn’t need it, jogging to meet her across the street.

Her silver eyes pick up a certain shine when she realizes it’s him, and the look sends his shadows skittering around him excitedly, sweeping from his ankles up his spine, perching on his shoulders like eager dogs about to get a treat.

“Sure,” she agrees with an amused smile, and he doesn’t hesitate to take the water basin, making sure that none of the liquid spills over the brim.

They chat idly on their walk back to Maeven’s home, about the upcoming Starfall festivities and his trip to the Dawn Court, hypothesizing about the creatures he’d seen and their abilities. Their wings brush a few times as they make way for people to pass, and it makes Azriel shudder delightfully, the softness of her feathers rubbing against him.

Maeven’s apartment is all the way on the other side of the city, and Azriel recognizes the building the Nesta used to live in on the way.

Maeven’s building is not a glamorous building in any way, stone walls in desperate need of repair and a window busted out on the first floor. It makes something inside Azriel flash hot, but he shoves it away as she twists her key into the lock.

She leads him up four flights before reaching her landing and he’d be out of breath if he wasn’t the warrior that he is, but still, Azriel is impressed that Maeven takes these stairs whilst carrying her heavy belongings.

“Why do you walk all this way?” he asks her when she finally shoves her way into her apartment. The lock sticks so she has to shoulder the door open, and he makes a note to speak with the owner of the building to have it fixed.

The smell hits him full force, lavender and rosemary and her. He can feel the tension melting off his shoulders as he places the basin of water next to her table, complete with mismatching chairs.

It’s a quaint little thing, but she’s clearly made it hers with her collections of soaps and abundance of trinkets on the few shelves she has.

She shrugs, unbothered by his question, “Most of my clients live in the heart of the city. The palace of soaps and salts also has the best product in all of Velaris. I don’t mind the walk, and I quite enjoy my time there.”

Azriel catalogs that tidbit of information away for later.

“You can always bring your stuff to the Townhouse,” he offers. “It’s much closer to town so you wouldn’t have to travel as far.”

Her brows furrow slightly as she offers him a seat and a cup of tea.

“I wouldn’t want to intrude…”

“You wouldn’t be,” Azriel is quick to respond, counting exactly how many sugars she stirs into her steaming mug, “I’m pretty much the only one who occupies it anyway.”

Indeed, it wasn’t often that the members of the Inner Circle stopped by the Townhouse. Rhysand and Feyre were settled into their new build and Cassian and Nesta had been gifted the House of Wind. He’d inherited the home by fault.

She looks at him over the brim of her cup, silver eyes cool and calculating, as if she’s one of the well-trained spies he’s taught.

He holds her gaze, unyielding, and eventually she gives in, “Okay. Thank you, Azriel.”

“You’re welcome,” he responds gently, hiding his own smile behind the lip of his own mug.

.·:·.☽ ✦ ☾.·:·.

Sweat drips down Azriel’s brow as he dodges another punch Cassian swings his way.

They’d abandoned their swords in favor of hand-to-hand hours ago when Cassian had landed a hit to the underside of his chin with the butt of his sword and a cheeky remark that had Azriel releasing his weapon in order to feel the skin of Cassian’s lip splitting under his knuckles. They hadn’t been pulling their punches since and everyone knew better than to try and stop the two from beating each other bloody.

Though Azriel’s heart is pounding in his chest, it’s not from the exertion of training.

Maeven is sitting on one of the loungers surrounding the deep red sands of the training ring, a bushel of clothes by her side, filled with shirts and pants and armor that needs patching. Her skin is luminescent underneath the morning sun as she basks in it, chin tilted up to let the golden rays warm her face.

She looks ethereal now, but Azriel’s seen how she shines at night, the moon washing her in its metallic glow, and he finds his mind straying as he pictures it now.

The sound of bone crunching is startling, ringing throughout the early morning quiet. It seems to hang in the air as Maeven’s eyes fly open, drawn towards the sound that’s followed by the growl of a low groan.

She hisses softly as her sewing needle pricks her finger. The bead of red blood is nothing compared to the liquid streaming out of Azriel’s crooked nose. Her wings twitch as her back and her heart quickens at the scent.

Maeven abandons her patchwork quickly, sliding off of the lounger to meet the shadowsinger who’s on one knee before Cassian, hand clutched to his nose.

“Are you alright?” she collapses in the soft sand front of him, placing her delicate hands on his bare shoulders.

“Shit, Azriel, I’m sorry,” Cassian winces when the shadowsinger removes his hand for her to get a better look. The warlord’s glare had melted away as soon as Maeven had stepped between them, recognizing and accepting that training was through for the day.

The shadowsinger waves him off, eyes shut in both pain and bliss at the feeling of her deft fingers on him. The sting of his broken nose as Maeven prods at the sensitive skin of his injury has something coiling hot within him, but he can’t drag his eyes away from her as she works.

“You should go see a healer,” she suggests, meeting his intense hazel eyes. Maeven quickly removes her hands that are tingling from the feeling of being pressed to his skin, the apples of her cheeks tinting a rose-colored pink.

“I’ve had worse.”

He allows Cassian to adjust his nose back into place and he doesn’t miss the way that Maeven cringes at the grinding sound of bone and cartilage being reset. His shadows swirl around her arms, trying to soothe the female as she watches them with those silver eyes, both intrigued and disgusted at the sight.

Azriel and his friends had been through injuries like this more times than he could count, throughout their years spent training in the Illyrian war camps as well as the battles and sparring that followed. It had become time consuming to go to the healers after every broken nose, split skin from blades, and concussions, so they’d learnt the basics to save themselves the trips.

What wild young males they had been once upon a time.

Maeven nearly shoves Cassian out of her way when he’s done, clapping Azriel on the shoulder in apology. A twirl of darkness slithers around the shell of his ear, whispering of the slight smirk on the warlord's face as he watches the two of them, amused.

His cheeks flare pink but he refuses to look away from the female before him.

“You should go see one anyway,” Maeven murmurs, and Azriel revels in the feeling of her hand on his chin, turning his face this way and that so she can examine the damage. She could admit that Cassian has done a good job at fixing the damage he’d created. “I don’t know how much I’d trust Cassian of all people to make sure it’s straight.”

Azriel tries to bite back his wolfish grin, he really does, but his offended brother’s ‘Hey!’ has the shadowsinger puffing out a breath of laughter that’s warm on Maeven’s skin, causing her eyelashes to flutter.

“He could use a little something to make him look less perfect,” Cassian grumbles, picking up his abandoned sword from the sand and brushing it against the leg of his pants. “Don’t you think, Maeven?”

“No,” her voice is soft, thoughtful. Her cheeks are nearly the color of the sand they stand upon when he peeks his eyes open and stares down at her, “I quite like him exactly how he is.”

.·:·.☽ ✦ ☾.·:·.

Azriel’s heart pounds in his chest at the sight of her.

Maeven’s dressed in a gorgeous midnight silken dress for Starfall, one that he might have had a hand in choosing. The fabric sweeps around her like molten metal, and it makes her moon colored eyes shine even brighter.

She was so gorgeous he couldn’t even find the courage to greet her. Instead, he stood by the fireplace, playing with the drink in his hands while staring into the hot coals. His shadows twist around him, itching to meet her, hissing and howling in his ear at her every move. Every time she looks his way while she’s talking to his friends, every time she’s swept out to the dancefloor, every time her pretty pink lips wrap around the lip of her cup–

His spine straightens when they excitedly whisper that she’s making her way over to him.

“Azriel, you look so handsome,” Maeven greets politely, and when he turns around his racing heart completely stills in his chest.

She looks even more ethereal than he’s ever seen, the shimmering of her fabric matches the ties braided intricately into her dark, sweeping hair. Her lids are swept in luminescent glitter, reminding him exactly of the stars that will fly through the sky soon.

“Maeven,” he breathes, and his shadows urge him to speak up, “You look…incredible.”

She grins down into her own glass as she replies softly, “Thank you.”

It’s like every word he’s ever known eddies from his mind. He can’t seem to look away from the stunning female before him, and the way she’s staring back at him like he’s hung the moon in the sky has Azriel a little more nervous than he’d ever admit.

And suddenly the weight in his pocket feels like lead pressing against his chest.

He glimpses quickly around the room, noting how all of his friends are occupied with conversations of their own or dancing with guests.

“Would you like to chat somewhere…quieter?” He asks, hoping she doesn’t pick up on the sudden nervousness in his tone.

The soft smile he receives in response has his heart jump-starting again as Maeven answers, “I’d like that.”

Azriel ushers Maeven upstairs with a hand at the bottom of her back, right above where the fabric meets to spill down her hind. Her pale skin is immensely soft beneath his fingers and he nearly pulls away at the sight of his mangled hand atop her perfectly smooth skin, lest he sully it somehow.

He shakes the thought from his head, her gift thumping against the crest of his chest with each step they take.

“Are you enjoying your night so far?” Azriel asks when they step up to the ledge of the upstairs balcony. The music filters up from the party downstairs, and Maeven smiles at the sounds of laughter and cheers from below.

“Yes, it’s been amazing so far,” her eyes sparkle like the stars in the sky. The moon is present, washing over her and Azriel takes her all in, the sliver of the scar across her cheek, the way her dark hair is tucked behind her pointed ear, the length of her lashes and the pucker of her upturned lips. “How are you enjoying yours?”

“It’s nice,” he nods, looking away as she turns to look at him, counting the stars to calm the pounding in his chest.

“But?”

“What?” The smooth tenure of her voice draws him back, and she’s staring up at him with an entertained smile on her face.

“The way you said it sounded like you were going to add a ‘but’ in there.”

A smile pulls at the corner of his lips and he lets her see it, see the way she makes him feel.

“But,” Azriel teases playfully, reveling in the sweet laugh he earns, “I think I’d be much happier if I gave you your gift right now.”

Her easy smile turns into one of confusion, “Azriel, I thought we agreed not to–”

“We did, we did, but I couldn’t resist,” admits, pulling the small package out of his jacket pocket and handing it to her.

It’s wrapped in blue colored craft paper that he’d found while rummaging through the closet – Nyx’s no doubt – but it fit the gift perfectly so Azriel wasn’t going to complain.

The anticipation nearly kills him, with the way she's tearing delicately at the paper. His palms are sweating and the collar of his shirt grows tighter as he watches, rocking back and forth on his heels to expel some of the tension. Not even the cool, crisp air eases him.

“What–”

Maeven’s breath catches in her throat at the sight. Azriel removes the paper from her grasp and she looks up at him with wide eyes, mouth parted before she returns her gaze to the gift at his encouraging nod.

In her hands sits a bar of soap. It’s a little larger than the palm of her hand, and the color is a swirling, shimmering silver, exactly like her eyes.

She can already tell how silky smooth the texture is, and she admires the stars stamped into the top of the bar as she traces her fingers over them in awe.

Azriel watches with attentive eyes and he holds his breath when she brings it up to her nose to catch the scent of it. Maeven’s eyes shut in pure bliss, sucking down the smells of night-chilled mist and cedar greedily.

It smells just like Azriel.

It truly hit home then, the caring male before her. How he’d held the door for her at the restaurant, how their wings had brushed up against one another and he hadn’t pulled away, how he’d helped her carry her things across town when he’d been headed the other way. And how she’s felt herself all of those times, the utter urgency to know if he was safe when Cassian had smashed his nose in, the soft smile and rampant running of her own heart whenever he was nearby. Just now, when his hand had seared a burning feeling into her lower back when he brought her up here.

“Azriel, this is…”

She trails off and he doesn’t think he can bear it, the silence and the anticipation and the electricity between them as she thinks of what to say.

And it’s when Maeven looks up at him again with a full smile on her face that he knows, without a shadow of a doubt, that he’s all hers.

She must feel the same because she’s wrapping her arms around his neck to pull him down to her, slotting their mouths together, pouring every single ounce of thanks and love into the kiss that she can, heart fluttering in her chest, so incredibly nervous in hopes that he won’t pull away.

Azriel doesn’t.

Instead his arms thread around her waist, pulling her closer into him.

Kissing her is better than a breath of fresh air. She is the moonlight above, a bright light during his darkest days, the stars igniting something within him.

She smells like she usually does but this time there’s a sweetness, like honey, but he can’t discern if it’s her perfume or just her, and he doesn’t care, can’t get enough of her scent, her taste, and with the way she’s pulling him closer, fingers running through his hair and holding tightly, he knows she feels the same.

Azriel backs her into the railing and she gasps at the icy stone against her back. But Azriel’s hands are right there, sliding down the bare skin of her spine and shivers erupt in their wake as he presses fully against her.

Maeven keens into his mouth. There’s stars behind her eyes as she kisses Azriel, comparable to the ones about to race across the sky for the holiday. She’s burning hot from her excitement and from his body tightly pressed into hers, that for a fleeting moment she thinks the soap in her hands might melt.

His hands fall to her hips, lifting her onto the stone ledge of the balcony. Her majestic wings flare wide for balance, soaking up the dark sky like a void. Maeven’s legs fall apart and Azriel tucks himself right between, the stiffness of his cock in his pants rubbing at the apex of her thighs.

She shudders at the feeling, and can only hold him closer as he moves from her lips, kissing down the long scar of her face. It burns like it had when she had gotten it but in the best way.

Azriel works his way down to the column of her throat suckling and nipping at this skin as his hands drag upwards across the silken fabric of her dress.

“Can I?” he fists her skirts and she can feel the cool breeze on her exposed ankles.

“Out here?” she manages to ask through her haze.

He pecks her on the lips again because he can’t stop himself, her eyes wide with lust but her ever rational mind making itself known.

“I’d like to fuck you under the moon,” he shivers at her trailing hands, her lips following her fingers as she begins unbuttoning his shirt, “If you’ll have me.”

“I’ll have you,” she promises, suckling at the skin between his pectorals, “Until the moon stops setting and the sun stops rising.”

He lets out a low sound, primal in every way, and Maeven reacts, arching right up into his chest.

It’s perfect really, because Azriel can reach down around her thighs and carry her to one of the loungers with ease, setting her on the edge of the plush cushion.

And then he bows before her.

Maeven hums at the sight, taking in the warrior before her on his knees, golden eyes gleaming only for her, and they both react in time with one another, her leaning back and lifting the skirt of her dress while he kisses up every inch she lays bare before him.

Her sex smells utterly dellicious and Azriel can’t help but to nose at her folds through the delicate fabric of her undergarment.

He watches hungrily as Maeven’s back bends off of the lounger, hips bucking against his mouth mindlessly, a moan leaving her lips that makes his shadows sing. His large hands caress the meat of her thighs, pinning her hips down as he buries his face into her covered cunt.

Maeven’s wetness seeps through the garment and Azriel hums at the taste, causing the female to try and push her hips up again. His hands are a solid weight, keeping her trapped to the lounger as she writhes and squirms, whimpering for more.

“Please, Azriel,” she gasps when he finally slides the fabric from her legs, her sex bare and wet before him. He growls pleasurably, dipping a finger through her folds, a light movement against her clit that has her whining out before he’s sliding that finger inside of her.

It glides in easily, her cunt soaked with her arousal as he works his way in, out, and immediately back in, reveling in the sounds she makes as he works. He watches intently, cock strained against the pressed fabric of his pants as she writhes, cunt clenching around him.

He feels incredible inside her. Maeven stares up at the stars until she can’t keep her eyes open any longer, when Azriel pulls out and pushes back in with two fingers this time.

The drag of him inside of her is indescribable. It’s like he knows exactly where to touch her, exactly how she’ll react to each movement he makes, pumping faster before brushing over the exact spots that make those stars behind her eyes appear again.

Maeven’s a moaning mess above him and she hasn’t even had his cock yet. Azriel wonders just what kind of noises he can draw from her when he does, but for now he wants to keep pleasuring her like this, working her through an oncoming orgasm.

Azriel takes extra care of her, something hot coiling in her gut when he leans in to taste her, lapping her slick from where his fingers are moving at an even pace. He feels fucking alive, mouth going numb at the taste of her, preening under the noises she makes.

He finds her clit, swirling and flicking his tongue in a rapid motion. Azriel knows he’s doing well because her hand is snaking into his hair, fisting it tightly as she tries to grind against his mouth, trapping his head between her thighs as she chases her orgasm.

He loves every single second of it.

“Don’t stop,” she moans above him, pressing her head back into the pillow of the lounger, and he doesn’t. Azriel works her through her orgasm, pleasure rippling through her body until she’s relaxing, melting into the cushions below, eyes shut and chest heaving for breath.

Her eyes go straight to his at the sound of Azriel licking her from his fingertips.

She’s frozen, pinned to the lounge by his gaze as he rises, eyes sliding down his muscular body as he slips from his shirt and drops his pants to the ground. His beautiful wings flare as his cock springs up, thick and hard and perfect in every way.

Maeven swallows at the sight, mouth dry and tongue heavy, shocked at the sheer size of him, heart racing with anticipation as he climbs onto the lounge with her, moving her further up the piece of furniture so they can both fit.

Well, as much as two winged fae can fit on a lounge made for one.

Azriel stares down at Maeven with a soft look, giving his cock a rough tug, smearing the bead of precum at the head with his scarred thumb, a question swimming in the golden pools of his iris’.

”Yes,” she breathes, and Azriel doesn’t waste another moment, nudging the head against her sex, pushing the tip of his cock into her soaking cunt.

Maeven’s yelp dissolves into a long, low moan at the feel of him sliding in. Her fingers scramble against the bare skin of his shoulders and Azriel groans at the slight resistance of her tight cunt, his cock being swallowed by her greedily as he thrusts in as slow as he can manage.

He’s shaking, the primal urge to begin moving inside of her is too much, so he distracts himself by kissing her while he slides in, not wanting to hurt her by going too fast.

It seems never ending, the drag of his cock as he pushes in. The air presses from her lungs with each inch he moves forward, and she feels so incredibly full but somehow he’s still going.

“Are you okay?” Azriel asks, trying to mask the strain in his voice like he does when he’s been injured and doesn’t want anyone to know. The feeling of her wrapped tightly around him is next level bliss, and the fact that you’re out in the open on the balcony ebbs from his mind as her cunt clenches around his cock tightly.

“Never been better,” she keens, and she means it, wrapping her legs around Azriel’s waist to pull him in until they’re nestled together, hip to hip.

They share a moan, Azriel’s low rumble mixing with Maeven’s perfectly pitched one, sounding like the pre-chorus to a magical song that they’re writing together. He can’t help himself, he needs to taste the sound spilling from her lips, so he ducks down for a passionate kiss, cutting off the noise she’s making at the source.

The hot and heavy kiss has Maeven ripping open her eyes when Azriel slowly pulls out, kissing down the creamy skin of her throat, before snapping his hips back into hers, reveling in the debauched noise he earns in reward.

He can feel her nails dragging across his skin and all of a sudden he doesn’t mind if she leaves scars mottled along his back because he’d have gotten them from the most beautiful female he’s ever seen and not from the edge of a sword or a cruel joke from his brothers.

“Azriel,” Maeven mewls desperately. She enjoys the way his tight muscles flex beneath his skin with every move, his hips snapping against hers with fervor. She doesn’t care how desperate she sounds when his cock feels this fucking good inside of her.

The sweep of his tongue against hers is a promise.

“Yes Maeven?” he purrs, giving her a second to answer before he’s back against her lips.

“Don’t stop.”

“Never.”

Azriel’s hands skim down her body, mapping each dip and curve of her, committing it to memory. He wants to growl, reprimand himself for not getting her out of her dress before he’d sunk his cock into her, and he can only pray that she’ll want to do this again.

By the sounds leaving Maeven’s lips, he doesn’t have to worry about that.

Maeven releases a sound of pure bliss that has Azriel picking up his pace, shifting to enter her at a different angle. His breath is hot against her lips as they share panting breaths, a tease of his mouth here, a taste of her tongue there, until her fingers thread through his soft hair and pull him down, meeting him halfway.

She feels like a puddle of stardust beneath him, hasn’t even realized that the stars are racing through the sky above them, vibrantly colored and beautiful because she can’t stop looking at the male above her.

Azriel’s fingers snake between them, finding her clit with ease, a teasing flick of his finger drawing a gasp from Maeven before he steadies out, working in time with his thrusts.

The louder she moans the faster he moves, hips snapping into hers as he plays with her clit.

She admires the way his wings flare, the way his broad cheesy heaves for breath, muscles rippling and glistening with sweat. She wants to feel him fully bare against her, not with some silly dress separating them, but the thought ebbs from her mind when the heat in her gut coils as Azriel helps her towards her second orgasm.

Maeven clings to every part of him she can reach, moaning beautifully against his mouth as she arches up into him. Azriel gives her all that he can, his cock, his fingers, his mouth, baring his soul to her, something entirely intimate and vulnerable for him.

She cries out in pleasure as she falls over the edge, orgasm ripping from her body for the second time tonight.

Azriel continues to rub her sensitive clit as she savors the feeling, clenching so tight around his cock that he hisses. All of it combined has the shadowsinger groaning deeply into her neck, drinking her all in, letting her completely overload his senses as he cums.

She’s still on fire with pleasure when he finishes and settles down next to her, pulling her tightly into his chest.

Azriel doesn’t care that he’s fully nude and Maeven’s still in her dress as they stare up at the swirling stars in the sky, trying to catch their breath. It just means that he gets to help her out of it again when he takes her back to his room.

“Maeven,” he whispers eventually, and she shudders at the way he purrs it, like he’s been wanting this for exactly as long she has.

“Azriel,” she can’t help but to respond.

His puff of laughter makes her grin and he steals a kiss, wanting to taste her smile all over again.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time now,” he admits, a whisper against her mouth.

Maeven’s smile grows even bigger, her silver eyes outshining every star in the sky above her. “I’ve been waiting for you to do that for a long time now.”

He groans, burying his head into the crook of her neck. The fact that he could’ve had this before but didn’t realize the signs…

But here she is now, right in his arms.

“Thank you,” she pulls away, sincerity in her words, “For the gift.”

“You’re welcome,” he hums, accepting her kiss greedily. “Thank you.”

“For what?” Maeven asks, dragging her gaze from the colorful stars in the sky to the male tucked at her side.

“For being you.”

#azriel x ofc #azriel #azriel x original character #azriel x oc #azriel/oc #azsazz #acotar #acomaf #acowar #acosf #acofas #azriel/original character

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curse-bearing-hips · 9 months

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Brokenness is a form of art

Chapter Seven

I wanna love you, but I don’t know how

Summary: Like countless others, Delphine suffered at the hands of Hybern during the attack on Velaris. Two years later, she continues to rebuild her life and fight her demons. Reluctantly befriending the High Lady may just help her connect with her unknown, winged savior.

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Word count: 3.3k

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Less than an hour later, and at much urging from Cassian, Azriel found himself staring at the door of Delphine’s tea shop. He’d made it to her doorstep, but the courage he needed to enter was quickly failing him. He’d never had trouble speaking to females before. What was the difference?

You like her.

Azriel sighed, tired of his inner monologue on the subject. Before he could turn around a fly home with his tail tucked between his legs, the door opened and a smiling patron exiting the shop held it open for him. Not wanting to look like even more of a fool, he nodded in thanks and made his way inside.

It was practically empty, nearing three in the afternoon. Delphine was not at the counter with an inviting smile on her face like she’d been the first time they’d met. His stomach flipped a little at the memory before a loud voice called from the back where an office or closet must have been.

“Be with you in a second!” Not Delphine. He knew she had one employee, a pixie named Yara, with whom she was very close. Delphine had spoken very highly of her friend the night they walked together after Rita’s. At first he’d been irritated that Delphine’s friends had left her to fend for herself in the bar, but eternally grateful that Cassian had forcibly invited her to their table.

He stood in the quiet shop for a few moments, enjoying the serenity of the space, patiently waiting for Yara. The shop smelled like various teas, but also a hint of sandalwood and something that was distinctly Delphine. Hands behind his back, he scanned the bookshelves, noting with a pleasant tingle in his stomach that several mystery novels had been added to the collection. They hadn’t been there before.

“What can I - oh shit!” Yara entered the main room and immediately dropped a small crate full of tea sachets. His shadows leapt to the rescue, scooping up the mess, and Yara gasped audibly at the sight of them.

“My apologies.” Azriel said, bowing his head respectfully to the pixie. She blinked owlishly, still surprised by his presence and his helpful shadows, and then shook her head quickly like a dog getting water out of its ears.

“No, I - it’s my fault. It’s been a weird day. How may I help you, Shadowsinger?”

He almost asked her to elaborate on that, but she seemed distracted enough as it was.

“Azriel is fine.” He insisted and she nodded, fingernails picking nervously at the side of the wooden crate she was holding, “Is Delphine around?”

The answer was obviously no, but his heart pounded uncomfortably at Yara’s prolonged pause. Was Delphine all right? His wings twitched at the thought.

“She’s…not here.”

Azriel almost rolled his eyes, of course she wasn’t there, anxiety sparking at Yara’s evasive manner. He took a step closer and tried not to be offended as she hesitated a step back from him, clutching the crate closer to her body. The response wouldn’t normally phase him, but he didn’t want Yara, Delphine’s best friend, to be afraid of him.

“Is she okay? I just want to talk to her.” He held his hands up in surrender, trying to keep them from shaking as she eyed him critically. Finally, Yara’s shoulders sagged and she sighed heavily.

“She’s home. I don’t know what happened. She went out at lunch and came back and was…upset?” Yara set the crate on the countertop and rubbed a hand roughly over her forehead. Azriel’s blood ran cold - had someone hurt her?

“What do you mean upset?” He asked as calmly as he could. Yara stared at him for a moment, examined him really. He’d never felt so vulnerable, so utterly scrutinized. Her eyes were endless pools of dark brown, like freshly turned earth, and Azriel could have sworn she could read every thought he’d ever had. After a few agonizing seconds, Yara nodded to herself.

“Del hasn’t been…right since the city was attacked,” Yara chewed her lip, carefully choosing her words, “She’s good at hiding it most of the time. But I can tell when she’s having trouble.”

Azriel hardly noticed he was holding his breath as she spoke. Delphine’s physical health may be fine, but by the sound of it, her mental health was off, if not failing.

“Something must have happened at lunch that shook her.” Yara said finally, giving a pathetic half shrug that spoke of her helplessness in the situation, “I don’t know what to do when she…struggles.”

Azriel nodded and took a deep breath, hands clenching anxiously at his sides. He wasn’t sure how much help he’d be to Delphine either - he could hardly keep his own head above the proverbial water most of the time, but he loathed the idea of her being alone in that state.

“Can I go see her?”

Yara started in surprise, cocking her head to the side and giving Azriel that same searching look. At length, she asked:

“Are you asking my permission?”

“Are you giving it?”

She huffed what might have been a laugh and shook her head, dark coils bouncing about her face. Yara sighed again and stepped closer to him, grasping his forearm tighter than he expected.

“Please help her.”

Azriel left Yara, feeling uneasy about intruding on what was clearly a difficult time for Delphine. He walked as quickly as he could to her modest townhouse, standing on the porch to assess the situation.

The house was quiet, to his ears. The front window curtains were open, but no lights were on and he noticed no movement. After a long internal battle on ethics, he sent his shadows beneath the crack of the door, trying to see if Delphine was even home.

It was only moments before his shadows were hurrying back, screeching frantically in his ears:

Help. Help. Help.

He’d been only a second from kicking in the door before a shadow surreptitiously unlocked it from the other side. This was definitely not how he’d wanted to see her home for the first time.

Bedroom. Delphine. Help.

He was taking the stairs two at a time, his shadows begging him to hurry. Panic flooded his veins at their urgency. Gods, he hoped she was okay. By the time he made it to the landing, he could hear a pained whimpering. He hesitated a moment at the door that was obviously her bedroom, wondering if he should knock. Gritting his teeth against the guilt he felt about barging in, Azriel turned the handle as Delphine’s whines crescendoed to a piercing scream.

She was writhing in her bed, tangled in the sheets as though she were trying to escape a spider’s web. Azriel stood, stunned at the display of Delphine gripped by a nightmare. She was gasping for breath, hands grasping the bedding like a lifeline as tears rolled down her face.

Instantly, Azriel was transported back to the attack on the city, standing in the crumbling ruins of the Rainbow. Instead of her bed, Delphine was laying on the broken cobblestones, bleeding out as she clung to life, poison flooding her veins. If he’d been a second slower, she wouldn’t have survived. Horror filled Azriel as he stood in shock, unable to escape the memory.

“Help.”

It was Delphine’s broken sob of a word that pulled him back to the present. The past didn’t matter, she was alive now and needed him.

Azriel inched closer to her bed, sternly directing his shadows to keep away from her - they were fluttering about him like a flock of agitated birds. He didn’t want to scare her, startle her from her nightmare. He had first-hand experience handling someone with night terrors - Rhys probably didn’t even remember the countless times Azriel had coaxed him out of his paralysis. It had happened for months after his High Lord had returned from his imprisonment under that damned mountain. If Rhys recalled his brother’s assistance, he never mentioned it to Azriel, and Azriel, in turn, hoped he never would.

“Delphine,” He said quietly, kneeling beside her bed. She continued to struggle against the phantom hold of Death, “Please wake up.”

She jerked suddenly, but still didn’t rouse. Azriel sighed, running a hand through his hair, feeling utterly helpless as he watched her struggle to cling to life - life that she was in no danger of losing this moment. Her shirt had ridden up in her distress and he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the angry slash of scar tissue that marked a blade’s exit. Azriel knew without looking that a matching one marred her back. He’d seen a thousand just like it, but seeing it on Delphine made his throat close up as he struggled against the blurry memory of her bleeding out before him in the middle of the Rainbow.

“I’m here, Del.” He urged, daring to trail his fingers softly against one of her clenched fists. He thought he saw her body relax, just a little bit, but her desperate gasps of breath did not calm.

“You need to wake up, sweetheart,” He continued, fingers delicately tracing up her forearm, “You’re okay, Del. You’re okay, I promise.”

And then she awoke.

Delphine shot upward, hands grasping at her side where her scar was, phantom pain slicing through her. Her eyes were wild, trying to process where she was as her heavy breathing brought her to the edge of hyperventilation.

“Del, I need you to breathe slowly.” Her head snapped over to him as he stood up from his kneeling position. Her eyes held no recognition and he prayed she wasn’t seeing a monster in place of his face. Ever so carefully, slowly, he sat at the edge of her bed, understanding that the feral look in her eyes was the nightmare still gripping her and not his presence.

Slowly, Azriel reached over her to grab one of her hands and brought it to his chest, directly over his heart. Her hand was clammy, joints locked from her tight hold.

“Breathe with me, Del.” He commanded gently, exaggerating his measured breathing to get her to mimic him. Delphine blinked, tears still rolling down her cheeks and he saw the exact moment where she realized where she was.

“Azriel.” She breathed, a despairing, rasping noise that made his heart lurch. He never wanted to hear that sound again and he’d do anything to prevent it. She tried to pull from his grasp, her face flooding with embarrassment of the situation as she retreated within herself.

“Del, it’s okay.” He shook his head, scooting closer to her and grabbing her other hand, “I’m here.”

Don’t hide from me.

“You shouldn’t be.” She whispered, shaking her head as her chin trembled from the effort of stopping her sobs, “You can’t see this.”

His heart shattered at her words, recognizing the feeling of shame, powerlessness she was feeling. He’d felt it more times than he could count.

“I want to see this.” Before he could think better of it, Azriel was cupping her tear-stained cheeks in his hands, “I want to see all of you.”

“It’s awful.” He gave her a half smile at her feeble argument and shook his head, clearing away her tears with his thumbs.

“It’s not. All of you is beautiful.” Her lip shook, but her breathing was getting back to normal. Delphine brought her hands up to his, holding them in place, not pulling them away as he feared. As if he’d ever willingly stop touching her.

“Even the broken parts?”

“Nothing about you is broken. Just healing.” She huffed at that, a wet laugh that made him smile wider. Feeling bold, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to her forehead. He felt her melt into the action and his heart thumped happily.

“You can talk about it if you want to.” Azriel offered, rubbing his thumbs across her cheeks in a lazily soothing motion. Delphine’s eyes closed slowly and she sighed, as though soaking in his touch.

“I-” She hesitated and then nodded to herself, “Not now. But I promise I will.”

“I’m here whenever, however, you need me, Delphine.” He assured her, resting his forehead against hers, closing his eyes and soaking in her presence. Azriel released her hands and instead wound his arms around her back, pulling her warm body into the safety of his embrace. She hummed, content with his action and snaked her hands around his waist, burrowing her nose into the crook of his neck. A pleasant jolt of electricity flashed through his veins at the feel of her skin on his.

They sat in silence for several minutes, allowing Delphine to calm. She gave a deep inhale and a prolonged exhale, as though expelling the remnants of her nightmare, the puff of air tickling his neck. Slowly, and much to Azriel’s dismay, she pulled away from him, but wound her fingers through his, staring down at their joined hands. Her brow furrowed for a moment and Azriel waited with baited breath for her to say what was clearly on her mind.

Finally, she spoke,

“Would you…will you stay?”

It was the easiest yes of his entire life.

Her answering smile was everything. The tear tracks were long gone, but her vibrant blue eyes were still red with the reminder. Azriel’s heart thumped joyfully again - Gods, she was so beautiful. He pushed an errant strand of her blonde hair behind her ear and risked another kiss to her forehead. Her smile widened even more to a grin and he found himself smiling back in a way he never thought he’d shown anyone.

It was a tight fit, her bed. Clearly not made to accommodate wings, Azriel did his best to give her space, lying on his side with his wings drooping to the floor behind him, his rear practically hanging off the side of the bed. Delphine narrowed her eyes at him from over her shoulder, as she, too, lay on her side, facing away from him.

“You can scoot closer, Az.” She commanded, the nickname sweet on her lips.

“I don’t want to crowd you.” He also didn’t want her to wake up with his raging erection poking her, because there was no way that that wasn’t going to happen. She scoffed and he knew she was rolling her eyes.

“Get over here, Shadowsinger.”

Azriel didn’t need to be told twice, awkwardly scooting his body closer to her and the center of the bed. His wings still rested at the edge of the mattress, cascading over in a way that was marginally more comfortable. He wasn’t touching her, but he could acutely feel the body heat emanating from her, a siren’s call beckoning him in.

Still dissatisfied, Delphine scoffed again and closed the gap. Azriel’s eyes widened at the enticing view of her ass wiggling back towards him, an image he swore to covet for the rest of his life. When the softness of her body relaxed into the cradle of his hips, like they fit together, Azriel did everything he could to ignore the interested twitch of his cock.

Swallowing harshly and thinking of the least sexy things he could (Cassian drunkenly streaking across the Rainbow, Rhys vomiting on him in the stairwell, Rhys and Cass vomiting on him in the stairwell), Azriel tentatively wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her impossibly closer. Delphine let out a contented sigh, lacing her fingers with his.

Azriel had never felt more comfortable (burgeoning hard-on notwithstanding); Delphine’s soft body pressed tightly against his own, her delicious scent - sandalwood, morning dew, and lavender - surrounding him, and the dizzying warm of sleep as it guided him to peace.

He sighed, true tranquility overtaking him as he pressed his lips to her hair and drifted into oblivion.

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Az…

The Spymaster stirred, brow furrowing at the familiar voice.

Azriel.

More urgent this time, and certainly more irritated. Azriel let out a soft groan, eyes squeezed shut as though that would stop the voice.

Azriel, you need to come home. This is urgent.

Rhysand. Of course it was. As urgent as he claimed it was, he didn’t truly sound panicked. That was good - at least the court wasn’t on fire again.

What do you want?

Azriel shot back, more annoyed than he intended. He opened his eyes, doing his best to guide the memories of yesterday back into the safe space of his mind - he didn’t want Rhys seeing it, didn’t want to share the stolen moments he’d had with Delphine just yet.

Delphine still slept peacefully beside him. At some point, she’d turned over in the middle of the night and curled her hands up, resting them on his chest. He still had an arm around her, chin resting atop her head.

I need you to go to Rask. Today.

Azriel looked down at Delphine, took in the sight of how comfortable, how content she looked.

Send Cass.

I need my Spymaster, Rhys said and Azriel could hear his brother’s patience thinning, This is your job.

It took everything Azriel had not to retort with fuck my job.

He sighed, closing his eyes and brushing his lips across the sleep-mussed hair atop Delphine’s head.

How long?

Three weeks.

Two. Rhys didn’t hide his exasperated sigh and Azriel knew he was a step from invoking his High Lord voice. Azriel never argued against an order like this, but the warmth of Delphine’s breath on his collar bone made him want to stay more than anything. Why couldn’t he have this?

I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important.

Fine. I’ll be home in twenty minutes.

Azriel ground his teeth as he felt Rhysand depart. Why did Rhys always conveniently show up when Azriel was finally enjoying something. Objectively, Azriel knew Rhys didn’t do it on purpose - the safety of the court was of utmost importance and if something was brewing in Rask that could make it to Prythian, they needed intel. Normally, Azriel wouldn’t have argued, would have volunteered for the job, not trusting any other spy to do the job as effectively as he could, regardless of how well he’d trained them himself. But the sleepy scent of Delphine cocooned in his arms made it nearly impossible to accept orders.

He sighed, what did he do now? Waking Delphine was rude. She’d clearly been struggling with sleep for some time and rousing her from what seemed to be a deep, restful slumber was counterproductive to her wellbeing. But the last thing he wanted to do was sneak off like a thief into the night or, worse yet, an unsatisfied lover running away.

Azriel looked down at Delphine, still dozing in his arms. She was so beautiful, his heart ached at the sight and he almost called Rhys back to tell him to fuck off.

Morning was beginning to break in Velaris. Sunlight danced through the cracks in Delphine’s closed curtains and a cloud must have passed over as a sliver of sunlight peeked through, shining directly across Delphine’s face and hair.

She looked like an angel.

The early morning light gilded her hair, messy blonde tresses glinting like molten gold. He could count every freckle across her nose and cheeks, her eyes tightening subconsciously in reaction to the sunshine. Something in his chest tightened, a fist slowly squeezing his heart, and there. The spark simmering just below his skin every time he saw her, igniting into a liquid warmth, lazily spreading throughout his body like drinking mulled wine on a cold winter’s day.

Of course.

Azriel had always thought it would be a sudden, sharp jolt. Pulling a rope taut or quickly banking out of a free fall. A sudden realization, a shock to his system.

It was nothing like that. This was like falling asleep, like watching the sun rise, or warming up beside a fireplace. A gradual, comforting feeling. Like coming home after being away too long.

His shadows knew the moment he thought the word:

Mate.

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Tag list: @azriel-luvr

#acotar #acotar fic #azriel shadowsinger #azriel x ofc #azriel x oc #azriel fic #rhysand

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lorcandidlucienwill · 3 months

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I think my writing gaslit me into shipping azris @achaotichuman @fell-in-luvs . I now think Eris, Nesta, and Azriel should become a throuple😭😭😭

#eris still plays azriel like a drum ofc #but now nesta joins in #nesta plays eris like a drum #nesta archeron #azriel #eris vanserra #neris #nezriel #azris #nesta x eris x azriel

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pellucid-constellations · 3 months

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I think I'm posting the start of a new series tomorrow and I think she's going to be a long one <3

#azriel x reader #ofc #Maybe in the morning pst!!#i love posting without a schedule or plan this is grand

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vulpes-fennec · 1 year

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Fanservice for Your Fanfiction 🧪

Summary: Gwyneth Berdara is a full-time student, part-time fanfiction writer. When her best friend (who she may or may not have a crush on), Azriel Shadowsinger, finds out that she writes smutty fanfiction, Gwyn cannot imagine showing her face ever again. (Gwynriel Modern AU one (two?) shot)

ATTENTION: MILD CRESCENT CITY HOSAB SPOILERS! A CC SHIP HAS BEEN REFERENCED IN THIS WORK!

Read: AO3

Azriel Shadowsinger’s tanned biceps and calves rippled in his black uniform as he leapt, blocking the volleyball hurtling towards the back of the court. The stone cold intensity of his expression was enough to send a delicious shiver down Gwyneth Berdara’s spine.

Write that down, write that down! Gwyn opened her notes app, jotting down a quick description of Azriel. The open chemistry textbook in her lap was completely forgotten as her friend scored consecutive points on the floor.

“The pitch black hair tousled across his forehead was quickly pushed back, allowing his hazel eyes to track the University of Rhodes team. They narrowed as he sized up his opponents, waiting to intercept their next move.”

Notification bubbles popped up on her screen.

Nesta: When are you going to post another fanfic update?!?

Emerie: I’m waiting to see what Ruhn and Lidia are going to do next in the trapped elevator ;)

Gwyn sighed at the texts from her best friends. She had an ongoing Crescent City fanfiction featuring Ruhnlidia, but her writer’s block had been an impenetrable wall. Her lists of meet-cutes, sex scenes, and romance tropes were exhausted. The lackluster sex from her date with Isaac Hale, a graduate student she’d met on a dating app last week, was uninspiring.

She’d always been an avid reader. When Gwyn was sexually harassed at a frat party her freshman year, she’d spoken to a counselor and her girl friends. And Az, who had thrown a punch at the guy harassing her that fateful night. But reading romance novels was her safe space, for no fictional man could ever physically hurt her. When Gwyn progressed to reading smut, and then writing fanfiction, she felt like she was reclaiming her interest in sex. But she needed real experience, and she sure as hell wasn’t going to try with Az. She didn’t want to ruin the banter-filled friendship they already had.

Even though Gwyn harbored a massive crush on Azriel, she always felt icky about a) having sexual fantasies about him, and b) employing said daydreams in her fanfictions. Azriel would probably run away screaming if he even found out she liked him. Which was why she’d been casually dating a string of guys the last year, trying to get over her crush. It’s hard not to fantasize about him when he’s so handsome, though, she sighed, eyeing him from the bleachers. Especially when I have writer’s block and the Azriel-inspired fics are always the most popular.

The University of Velaris’s volleyball team had won. As soon as he could, Azriel broke away from his team’s huddle and lithely jogged up the bleachers towards Gwyn. “Hey,” he said, offering her an easy smile that made her heart sing. “Thanks for coming to the game.” Sweat glistened on his cheeks and shoulders, but she didn’t mind.

“Hey,” she grinned back. “Sorry I couldn’t get here earlier. My shift at the library ran late.”

He shrugged, muscles fluidly flexing under his uniform again. Gwyn averted her eyes to avoid ogling. “It’s okay. You’ve shown up to more of my games than anyone else in the friend group.”

Gwyn chuckled. “You know I’m your biggest supporter, Az.” If only he knew.

“I appreciate it.” Azriel offered her another smile, and then glanced down at her textbook. “How’s that going? We’ve got a quiz coming up next week.”

“I finished the problem set,” she said casually. “You want to study together for the quiz tomorrow?”

Azriel’s eyebrows lifted slightly before he replied, “For sure. Cassian and Nesta are visiting Feyre, so you can study at my place, if you want.”

Azriel was frustratingly smart. Like, barely-study-and-still-get-good-grades kind of smart. Gwyn wished she could say the same for herself. She had no idea what behooved him to ask her to study together for their statistics class in freshman year, but they became study buddies for every class they shared since. Gwyn treasured the moments they spent together over the years, passing time quietly reading, discussing schoolwork, and generally getting to know each other better.

“Sounds good! Go take a shower before dinner so I don’t have to smell your sweaty armpits.”

Azriel’s laugh as he walked away warmed her heart. “You must’ve mixed me up with all the hooligans from Rhodes, Berdara. I smell great,” he called over his shoulder. Gwyn merely rolled her eyes and texted her friends back.

Gwyn: It’ll be up by Friday! Can’t wait for you guys to read the spicy scene!

***Later that night***

Gwyn was sat at one of the cafes near the school campus, eating dinner with her friends. Azriel chowed down cooked greens across from her, freshly showered and looking stoically handsome. Going out to eat was a Thursday night tradition that their friend group held sacred, especially once their schedules diverged after freshman year.

“So, Gwyn,” Cassian started once there was a lull in the conversation. “What inspires you to write these smutty stories?”

Gwyn froze, her fork of pasta halfway to her mouth. “W-what?”

Nesta shot her a guilty look. “Cassian and I were watching a Youtube video on my phone when you sent that text,” she said apologetically. “He wanted to read your fanfiction, so I showed him your profile.”

“Yep. Teal underscore Valkyrie? Nice username,” Cassian nodded approvingly. “The Valkyries were pretty cool women in Norse mythology.” Blood thundered in Gwyn’s ears and she could literally feel her pale face turning a furious shade of red. Azriel’s hazel gaze across the table was boring into her, she just knew it. She could feel it.

I should have never started writing fanfiction…this is a huge mistake. “Oh gods,” she wailed into her hands, “no one was supposed to know about this.” Cassian had innocently yanked away the sense of security Gwyn’s online anonymity had given her. Her deepest, darkest desires and hopeless romantic fantasies were out in the open, like they’d burst from Pandora’s box.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Cassian said defensively. “I thought it was really good! It gave me and Nesta some ideas to try in bed!” Azriel, who was sitting next to him, choked.

“Oh gods, oh gods,’ Gwyn muttered. This was her worst nightmare. It was one thing for Nesta and Emerie to know that she wrote smut, but if the rest of her friends found out that she was “teal_valkyrie” online, she would have to transfer schools. And if Az ever read her works…she may as well kiss any chance of him liking her back goodbye.

“Why are you so embarrassed?” Azriel asked, having recovered.

“It’s because now you all know I write smut in my free time!” Gwyn cried, refusing to look up. “You’ll all think I have weird sexual fantasies, or that I am a shit writer—”

“Well I know Azriel can’t say anything about your sexual fantasies, because he probably has more questionable kinks,” Cassian laughed. Gwyn looked up to see Azriel shooting Cassian a deadly glare to shut the fuck up. Azriel has KINKS?!? Gwyn turned a deeper shade of red. In her imagination, Azriel gamely went along with her kinks. It never occurred to her that he would have certain preferences, even though she knew damn well he’d been on plenty of dates with other girls. And probably had plenty of sex with said girls. I’m not jealous, definitely not jealous, she told herself.

“Gwyn actually has a lot of traffic and engagement on her fanfics,” Emerie added, trying to shift the conversation away from the smut. “She’s one of the more popular authors for the Ruhn and Lidia ship.”

“Yeah, I’m just trying to practice my writing,” Gwyn muttered. “The whole trying to become a published author thing, remember?”

Azriel looked surprised. “I didn’t know you wanted to be an author.” His hazel eyes regarded her curiously.

“Right, because I’m a biology major.”

“Well…yes. But you’ve never brought it up to me. You should’ve, though.” Gwyn met his golden brown eyes, which possessed no trace of judgment or negativity. Azriel held her teal stare, as if trying to convey something deeper.

“You can be supportive by giving Gwyn’s fanfics some more clicks,” Nesta suggested cheerily, breaking the strange tension that had settled between Azriel and Gwyn.

“Oh gods, please no,” groaned Gwyn. Azriel smirked, a gesture that made her feel like a fizzy champagne bubble.

He leaned over to steal a meatball from her plate. “If you ever need inspiration, Berdara, I’m happy to help,” he said in a strangely husky tone before popping the meatball into his mouth. Gwyn reeled from shock: Azriel had teased her plenty during their friendship, but he had never said anything quite so suggestive.

Emerie let out a loud giggle and Nesta smacked Azriel in the arm for his crude comment. He’s bluffing with me, Gwyn thought. He just wants to see me flustered like everybody else. So she tilted her head at Azriel, meeting his smirking hazel eyes. “Thanks! I think I’ll take you up on that someday, Shadowsinger!” she chirped with extra cheeriness. Gwyn gave him a victorious grin as his eyes widened and his face grew flustered, reaching over to snag a broccoli from his plate.

***The next day***

Alright Gwyneth, Gwyn resolved to herself as she trekked over to Azriel and Cassian’s apartment the following evening. Gwyn had debated whether she should dress cute, but opted to wear a baggy sweater and comfortable pants instead. You’re going to study hard, and not get distracted by Azriel. You’re going to divert all fanfiction-related conversation back to organic chemistry. You can do this. We’ve had plenty of normal, boring study sessions before.

If you ever need inspiration, Berdara, I’m happy to help. She’d fretted all day over Azriel’s suggestive comment from the day before, replaying it in her head a million times. Did I make things awkward by going along with it? There’s no way Az has time to read my fanfiction. He hasn’t texted me to cancel, so he was probably joking about it. Hopefully he doesn’t realize I like him…The door swung open shortly after her first knock, as if he’d been waiting for her to arrive. “Hi!” she exclaimed, a tad too brightly.

Azriel smiled back. “Hey. Thanks for being down to study with me.” Gwyn bit back the urge to correct him, that she was the one who had proposed studying together. They walked down the hall to Azriel’s room, which Gwyn had studied in countless times before.

“Oh my gosh, is that chocolate?” she squealed. There were several bars of her favorite chocolates on a plate. “How’d you know I loved these chocolates?”

“I just found them in our cupboard,” he said casually, fidgeting with his hands. “We need some snacks to get us through o-chem.”

The two students settled across from each other, with Gwyn sitting on Azriel’s comfy bed and Azriel sitting at his desk. Gwyn helped herself to some of the chocolates, the sweet milky taste helping her destress.

Gwyn could not resist stealing glances at Azriel between review questions, appreciating how his soft black t-shirt stretched over his broad shoulders. How the warm light made his tan skin glow. How he would occasionally run a scarred hand through his black hair, mussing it in a criminally sexy way.

“So…I read your fanfiction.” Azriel’s voice broke their studying mode after just ten minutes. Like he’d been dying to bring it up to her.

“Oh gods, not the fanfiction again,” she cried. Gwyn curled into a ball, grabbing a pillow to cover her face. She couldn’t bear to look at him, knowing he’d read her cheesy, clumsy smut. If you ever need inspiration, Berdara, I’m happy to help. HELP ME?!? WITH WHAT?!?

“Gwyn? Gwyn!” Azriel was instantly at her side, his scarred hand gently brushing over her arm. “Please…hear me out. I know you are shy about it. I get it. But I really did enjoy reading them.” The bed sagged slightly as he settled in front of her.

“They’re embarrassing,” Gwyn’s voice was muffled behind the pillow. “And you’re only saying that because you’re my friend.”

“That’s not true,” Azriel protested. “Hey. You know that I’ve given you proper critiques in the past. I don’t think you’re weird for writing smut. I think you are an amazing writer.”

Gwyn peeked at him from behind the pillow, her teal eyes round as saucers. Azriel’s mouth quirked. “And I think you look absolutely adorable like this.”

Gwyn froze. “What?” she asked, dumbfounded.

Azriel’s hazel eyes widened. “What?”

“Did…did you just say…?” Her heart was running fast as a racehorse.

Azriel’s mouth gaped slightly when he realized what he’d just said. “Did I say that out loud? Fuck.” He grabbed the pillow from Gwyn to cover his own face. “Give me the pillow, Gwyneth.”

Was…is…is Azriel embarrassed? Did he just call me adorable? Gwyn’s brain was short-circuiting. “Az,” she said cautiously. “Az,” she repeated when he turned away. “What did you mean by that?”

Azriel took a deep breath as he lowered the pillow. “Fuck. Gods, this is—” he laughed nervously, “this is not how I wanted you to find out.” His normally tanned face was scarlet, right to the tips of his ears. He couldn’t even look her in the eye.

“Find out about what.” Gwyn’s heart was hammering hard. Deep down, she knew what he meant. But it seemed too good to be true, and she needed to hear him confirm it with his own lips. “Az, look at me.”

“That I like you, Gwyn.” Azriel’s fists clenched around the pillow, his face anxious. “Fuck…I just ruined our friendship,” he groaned. “I know you don’t feel the same way, so can we please pretend I never said this? That was really weird. I’m sorry. I’m—”

“Azriel, stop,” Gwyn grabbed his scarred hands. “You’re one of my best friends, and—” Gwyn swallowed, trying to work up the nerve to confess. “To be honest…I l-like you, too.”

Azriel’s hazel eyes blinked. “I’m dreaming,” he replied, stunned.

“You’re not dreaming,” Gwyn said firmly, squeezing his hand. Azriel was rendered mute for several long moments. This is getting awkward. “Cauldron, I finally confess after years of crushing on you and all you can say in response is that you’re dreaming?!?”

Azriel shook his head, turning away from Gwyn in disbelief. “Azriel!” Gwyn shrieked. “This isn’t funny!” Gwyn impulsively leaned over and pecked him on the cheek. “See? Not dreaming!”

“Not dreaming,” he finally said, sounding dazed. He glanced at her, the expression on his face shifting into mischief. “Do it properly, Berdara.”

“Do what?” Again, Gwyn knew precisely what he meant, but her confession and the kiss had zapped all the courage from her. Thinking about Azriel’s warm cheek and faint stubble beneath her lips made her feel shy. Azriel made the move to confess, I made the move to kiss him on the cheek. We’re even.

“Kiss me properly, damn it!”

Gwyn folded her arms across her chest, mock pouting. “No! You’re not getting these lips unless you do it yourself.” There, she thought smugly.

To her surprise, Azriel crept closer. “Is that a challenge, Berdara?” he murmured, face inches away from hers. His hand hesitantly tucked a strand of coppery-brown hair behind her ear, tracing down her jaw to tilt Gwyn’s head up. Despite his earlier boldness, Azriel’s hazel eyes flicked back and forth, from her mouth to her eyes. He’s nervous, Gwyn realized. He’s fucking nervous about this.

He was giving her a chance to pull back, to reject him. But she wouldn’t reject him. Her heart had belonged to Azriel ever since she saw him during freshman year move-in day. And her affections for him had only grown over the years of mutual support and challenges. Gwyn reassuringly brushed her thumb across his hand—the last bit of encouragement Azriel needed.

He was gentle, so gentle that Gwyn wanted to cry. Who knew that her friend, who always teased her, who was intense like a thunderstorm, could be so sweet? Azriel’s mouth was so warm and soft that Gwyn instantly realized she would never, ever tire of kissing him.

“How’s that?” he asked nervously after he pulled away.

Gwyn smiled at him shyly, seeing her reflection in his glassy hazel eyes. “It was perfect, Az,” she whispered back. She leaned in this time, kissing him with slightly more pressure. He responded with the same energy, deepening the kiss by carefully running his tongue across her bottom lip. They traded kisses so soft and slow, Gwyn could feel Azriel’s hand trembling as they brushed her cheek and hair. Or maybe she was the one who was shaking from the adrenaline of finally—finally—kissing her favorite person in the world.

“I can’t believe Azriel Shadowsinger, volleyball star and bioengineering hotshot, likes me,” Gwyn giggled when they broke off. Azriel had sat down next to her, their backs against the headboard. He looped his arm through her’s, gently tracing the blue veins in her arm with his fingers.

“I can’t believe Gwyn Berdara, a-k-a teal underscore Valkyrie, famed fanfiction writer, likes me back.” Azriel’s face was soft as he gave her another tender kiss on the forehead, inducing a series of flutters in Gwyn’s gut.

“Does it weird you out that I use you as inspiration for my fluff fanfics?” Gwyn asked.

Azriel blushed. “Inspiration? Fluff fanfics? I’m feeling honored.” He untangled his arms to lean back, his hands clasped behind his head and biceps flexing deliciously. He glanced at Gwyn, who was nervously chewing her lip. “Just the fluff fanfics?” he teased.

Now it was Gwyn’s turn to blush. “Oh shut it,” she said, swatting his arm. “Why do you think I went on all those casual dates? I was using my experiences from those to build my smut fanfics.”

Azriel’s eyes darkened. Jealousy, Gwyn realized. The thought sent a thrill through her. “I meant what I said, you know. About helping you if you ever feel a bit uninspired,” he said quietly. “You don’t need to go out with strangers anymore. But only when you feel ready.”

Gwyn melted at not only the possessiveness in his tone, but also the care he took to make sure he wasn’t controlling her. Just because they’d confessed to each other didn’t mean they were officially boyfriend-girlfriend. Part of Gwyn wanted to take it slow and sweet, having just found out that Azriel reciprocated her feelings. But the other part of her hungered for more, having waited so long to feel the warmth of his lips, the solid body touching hers. “Hmm…well I have been suffering from writer's block lately. What if I want some inspiration now?” she asked, voice sugary sweet. Azriel’s eyes widened briefly, before narrowing into his signature smirk as he leaned in.

Read: Part 2

#I’m so uncreative with names I’m throwing Isaac Hale under the bus #man did nothing wrong except be boring #ofc Gwyn and Az have CHEMISTRY together #idiots to lovers #gwynriel #gwyn x azriel #gwynriel fanfic #modern AU #gwyn berdara #azriel acotar

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vacant--body · 9 months

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stay with me pt 4

part one, part two, part three, part five

warnings: ANGST, graphic description injuries

✧˖° ✧˖° ✧˖° ✧˖° ✧˖° ✧˖° ✧˖° ✧˖° ✧˖° ✧˖° ✧˖° ✧˖°

Something was wrong. Azriel didn’t know what, but he could no longer feel Ophelia as strongly on the other side of the bond. Her presence was just a flicker of energy, like a spark that refused to light.

“We’re moving in. Now.” He quietly growled.

Mor, Cassian, and Nesta had all deliberately disobeyed Rhysands instructions to not enter the Autumn Court territory without his permission. They would all surely pay for it.

But at this moment, he didn’t care what Rhysands punishment would be. He could cut off Azriels wings, set his hands alight, and throw him into the Sidra and he would take it. As long as he got Ophelia back. He was beyond grateful that his friends were risking their own lives and Rhysands wrath to find her too.

His shadows cast the corridor in front of them into darkness, snuffing out the fae lights lining the walls. They moved silently, as a unit. Quickly and quietly taking out any guards that they came across. What was more blood on Azriels hands? As far as he was concerned they were all complicit in this crime.

Gaining access to the Forest Palace wasn’t easy. It had taken them entirely too long. They had to wait for changing of the guard and had to slaughter their way through just to get in. It was messy and harsh, but they did it all without raising alarm.

Azriel led them through twisting and turning hallways, going farther and farther down into the lower levels. He didn’t know where he was going, it was just a feeling. He could feel that tug at the bond growing tighter and further down they went.

None of them questioned him, and thank the Mother for that. He wasn’t sure how he would respond. They all were calm and quiet around him since departing from Velaris, as if a single word would set him off.

He supposed it would. After departing the River House, he had flown out into the forest and taken out several acres of trees with his siphons before collapsing. He had been trembling, barely containing the anguish and rage that was crawling under his skin. It was nightfall before Cassian found him, telling him that they were leaving to find her.

Suddenly, the feeling in his chest exploded into a frenzying warmth, spreading across his body. Azriel halted in front of a small, dingy cell, and his friends stopped at his heals.

“What is it?” Mor whispered.

The metallic scent of blood was so overpowering that it almost masked hers. Almost.

He would know that combination of scent anywhere. Jasmine, lavender, and chamomile. With just a hint of lemon. Before it had calmed his wildest nerves. Now, it ramped them up, dreading what he would find in there.

In two strides, he was at the door. He grasped the lock on the cell and the faint blue light of his siphons illuminated the space. He barely heard the metal hit the ground as he flung the door open and rushed in.

What he saw would haunt him for the rest of his life.

Ophelia was slumped against the wall, hands chained above her head. Small, precise cuts littered her mostly naked body. Deep burn scars around her neck, wrists and ankles. The only thing that covered her was a red see-through chemise. No. The chemise was white. It was stained red. With her blood.

And Azriels heart stopped beating at the sight of the dagger embedded to the hilt in Ophelia’s side.

“Cauldron-” Cassian gasped, coming to stand beside him.

“Help me.” His voice was tight, despair laced in every word. Azriels eyes stung with unshed tears. No, he couldn’t do that. Not here, not now.

If she didn’t make it-

Cassian braced Ophelia up, mindful of her wounds, as Azriel broke the chains around her wrists. He stooped down and took her small broken form from Cassians arms, careful of the dagger. A soft, broken whimper came from the bloody mass that was Ophelia. It shattered his heart even further.

But she was alive, she was still alive.

“We have to get her back to Velaris.” His voice was raw, full of the promise of death and bone deep despair.

“Winnowing could move the dagger around.” Cassian responded quietly, looking down at her.

“We could take her to the Winter Court-” Mor started.

“No.” Azriel snarled. “She needs to be home, not in some frozen waste land.”

“But the risk-”

“I know the fucking risk!” He was starting to panic now. It was rising to the surface, the pressure building and building against his too tight skin.

“Whatever the decision, it needs to be made now. We have company.” Nesta hissed from the front of the cell.

“Go to them. I’ll meet you back at the River House.”

His shadows swirled around them, Cassian disappeared from sight, his brothers eyes full of sadness and quiet rage. He knew he would make them pay for what they did.

In the cold emptiness, he brought Ophelia closer to him. Praying to the Mother that she would make this, she had to make this. If Azriel needed anything in his life to go right, it was now.

Azriel swore to the Mother and to the Cauldron that when she had recovered, he would tell her everything. About his messy emotions, the feeling of how unworthy he was to her, and that they were mates. He was hers.

But oh, the Mother was cruel.

His feet hit the solid ground just outside the River House, the world swimming back into focus. Panting, he looked down at Ophelia.

His mate.

She almost looked like she was sleeping, if it wasn’t for the agonizing pain he felt on the other side of the bond. It was so intense that he momentarily swayed before reality gripped him by the throat. The dagger was no longer there. It laid several feet away in the grass.

The panic he had been barely keeping at bay finally bubbled over.

Blood was pouring from the wound, fast. Too fast. Gasping, he went to his knees, laying her in the damp morning grass. His scarred hands pressed into her side attempting to staunch the bleed, but it was no use. Blood seeped past his fingers, coating his hands.

Rhys. Rhys I need you.

“Phia? Phia, I need you to open your eyes.” He whispered.

“It hurts.” She whimpered. The pain he heard from her snapped something deep and vital in his head.

“I know, I know sweetheart.” Azriels cheeks were wet with the tears he had been holding back for weeks. No- years.

“Azriel?” Her eyes fluttered open, squinting up at him. “You’re here.” She sounded so relieved, he wondered if she thought this was a dream.

“Yes, Phia. I’m here with you. Now stay with me, help is coming,” He sobbed.

Rhysand!

She muttered incoherently, and it wasn’t til later til Azriel would realize what she was saying.

Stay with me.

The familiar scent of Cassian, Mor, and Nesta invaded his senses, momentarily taking over the smell of blood. He heard one of them cry out, felt their grief slam into him. But he couldn’t look away.

He whispered small encouragements to her, begging and pleading with Rhys in his head to fucking hurry.

Almost there.

“He’s almost here Phia. Just hang on.” His eyes swept down her body, examining the wound. It was ghastly, deep and jagged with infection just starting to set in. Mother, how long had that been in there?

He looked back up to her face and his gut twisted. Her eyes were shut, her lips unmoving. “Hey, hey! Do not shut your eyes. Please,” A painful sobbed ripped from the depths of Azriels chest. “Please open your eyes!”

“So tired.” She whispered, struggling to open her eye lids. “Az, I’m so tired.”

Hands suddenly replaced where Azriels were. Someone was talking, shouting at the others but he wasn’t sure who it was, and he didn’t care. Maybe it was Rhysand, or was it Feyre?

Moving carefully, he cradled her head in his lap. The back of her scalp was sticky with blood, the entire ground around them was drenched in it.

“Stay. Stay here with me.” He whispered to her, smoothing her hair away from her sweaty and sallow forehead.

“You’re my mate.” Azriel choked out in broken sobs. “Ophelia you’re my mate.”

She inhaled to speak, but her chest stilled

The bond went silent.

And Azriel screamed.

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artists-ally · 6 months

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{Train Wreck} Azriel x Cassian!Sister {Pt. 2}

Why hello there my loves!!! There was so much positive response for that first part???? I cannot believe people genuinely enjoy my writing so much it makes me feel so appreciated! Anyway, here is part two! Enjoy!! Also, I promise other parts won't be this long, I got a little carried away 😅

Part 1

Word Count: 16,171 (totally should've made this two parts but... oh well)

Warnings: Modern AU, OFC, language, hurt/comfort, angst, arrest, drinking, gambling, mentions of trauma, trauma responses, panic attacks

Summary: As Ira gets settled in, there is a constant set of eyes on her from Cassian. He offers Ira a chance to make a good impression, but is bringing his train wreck of a sister to his annual charity event a good idea?

Tagging: @blessthepizzaman @cyrygher @librafairy @needylilgal022 @thelov3lybookworm @bubybubsters

~~~~~~

It has only been two days and I already want to push Cassian off a bridge.

His rules are in-fucking-sane. He won’t let me outside before eight, and wants me to be back by ten. There is no going outside unless I clear it with him first, tell him when I get wherever I’m going, and when I get back. I mean, how ridiculous can he get?

Apparently even more.

“And I will need you to sign this.”

Cassian slid a piece of paper across from me. In addition to the other one he gave me of the drafted fucking mandate. “Is this some kind of a joke?” It was an NDA.

“We–meaning Rhys, Az, and myself– have a very strict confidentiality agreement. Not only with ourselves but with our investors, lawyers, and employees. Since you are going to be living with me for the foreseeable future, you need to be a part of that. We are going to discuss business operations when you are around and you are not allowed to repeat them to anyone. Under any circumstances.”

“And who exactly am I going to be repeating all of these things to?”

Cassian shrugs, “I don’t know, and I really don’t care. You’re gonna make new friends, Ira. And we aren’t exactly a small town rodeo here, so people will know who we are and will want to know shit. So, sign here, and then you are free to go.”

“I’m hardly free, I feel like I’m back in juvy,” I whispered that last part for only me to hear, flicking the pen across the paper. “Happy?”

“Sure, I’m happy,” he rolled his eyes. “Oh, and before I forget, you’re coming out with us tonight.”

My ears perked up at that. Cass got up and I scurried after him, the dining room chair scratching on the floor. “Really? When? And for what?”

“Every year we have a fundraiser for our community,” Cassian explains as I quicken my pace to keep up with him. Fuck him and his long ass legs. “All the money we make from the auction, poker tournament, and bingo night are collected and donated to the city.”

“Bingo, really?”

“We have to appease the older crowd somehow,” Cassian shrugged, heading down a long hallway in his house. It was a lot more compact than Rhys and Feyre’s home, but equally as flamboyant. It was smooshed in a line of townhouses somewhere in the city. Cassian opened a door to a guest bedroom and led me to a closet. “Here are some of Nesta’s old dresses. A couple of Feyre’s too, and some of Mor’s.”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed or not but I am not built like they are, Cass. What the hell am I supposed to do with those?”

“Figure it out,” he gave me an unamused smile. “You’re crafty, I’m sure you can make something work.”

He left me in the closet and I looked around. It has been years since I’ve worn anything other than jeans and a t-shirt, let alone a dress. The closest thing was the skirt I had borrowed from Mor a few days ago.

As I rummaged through, I slowly began to realize that none of these were going to fit. I was going to have to figure something out because who knew when the next time I could go out would be. And I was not going to miss this.

There were a couple of options, and when I tried them on, either the zipper in the back wouldn’t move or the sleeves wouldn’t fit over my shoulders. Sometimes the bust was too tight, but the waist was fine, or the other way around. I ripped more than a few on accident. My best bet was to find two similar colors and try and piece them together.

I snatched two black dresses and went back to my room. I looked at the pair of scissors on my desk and at the dresses. I hoped no one would need these one day.

My cuts were average and jagged, but I had plans to pin them together with some safety pins I found in a drawer. I cut off the skirt of one of them and made a slit to the hip. When I shimmied it on, I rolled over the hem and pinned it in place, making it as even as I could. The top would be… tricky.

I didn’t have a choice but to cut off the sleeves and make it completely strapless. And I had to cut a V in it so my boobs would fit. Normally I loved them, but right now they were my mortal fucking enemy– besides the law of course. It was tight across my ribs, but at least I could breathe. There was some good boning in the bodice so at least I wouldn’t flash anyone.

Not that I would mind, I needed some action. To blow off some steam since being reinstated with Cassian.

And there was little I could do to keep my thoughts away from Azriel. About blowing off some of my steam with him. And blowing him in general.

Fuck was he hot. I mean, it seemed impossible to have such an attractive group of people all in one spot, and then there was me. I wouldn’t ever say that I was ugly, but Mor and the others? Devastatingly gorgeous.

But that’s besides the point. Azriel has been around, but really never around. He’s here in the morning when I wake up, but never comes back until late at night. Which leaves me with little to no time to admire him. I can hear him come in since his room is right next to mine, but he never acknowledges me.

Probably for the better. Or worse, I haven't decided yet.

Azriel was secluded, I could gather that much. And from what Cassian told me he was– or had been– struggling through something. But what did that have to do with me? It wasn’t like I wanted to marry the guy, I just wanted him to rail me and then I’d be good. What's so harmful about that?

But don’t even get me started on the way he acts whenever he is around me. He’s kind of a prick, always making fun of the way I’m dressed or the way I wear my hair. Always has some rude remark that makes me want to punch that perfect face of his. And kiss it.

There is definitely something seriously wrong with me and my delusional thinking but I refuse to acknowledge it because it is the only coping mechanism I have developed that doesn’t involve me in handcuffs.

Now, if Azriel wanted to put me in handcuffs then-

“Ira?” Mor called from somewhere. “Where are you?”

“My room,” I mumbled around the roll of body tape in my mouth as I tried to lay the fabric over my bits to cover me up. “God fucking dammit.”

“Uh oh, Nesta isn’t going to be happy when she sees you mangled her engagement dress.”

“Her what?” Oh no, no no no Cassian is going to end me.

Mor burst out laughing and leaned up against the wall. “I’m just fucking with you. It was one of my old college sorority dresses. It’s no big deal, I didn’t even know I had that one still.”

“Oh, well… sorry. I wouldn’t have needed to if Cassian just took me somewhere to buy a dress,” I apologized, turning in the mirror. “What do you think?” “Cassian is going to hate it,” she smirked, looking over my shoulder.

“Perfect,” a grin of my own spreading. “Please tell me there is going to be alcohol at this event?”

“There always is, but whether or not you can have any isn’t up to me,” Mor put up her palms and sat down on the vanity stool. “I think it’s a bit ridiculous, what Cass is doing.” “Thank you,” I sighed out, taping the last bit into place and stretching to make sure it wouldn’t come loose. “Not that we know each other super well, but there are reasons why he should do it. Part of me knows he’s just doing it to keep me safe, but I also know its payback from years ago.” “Can I ask about you and him or is that just not something you're willing to share?” She asked, unlike Rhys or Azriel did. That in and of itself meant more to me than anything in the world.

Mor was nice, nicer than anyone I had ever come across. It’s who I spent a good chunk of my time with when she was here and not working at Midnight’s Shadow, Azriel’s club. We had built up a little bit of a relationship in the two days since she was the only one who bothered to ask for my number.

“It’s really fucking complicated. I was about 14 when he left? I think? I don’t know, it doesn’t matter. But I heard him in his room and then he was…” I shook my head, that sting in my throat coming back like it did every time I talked about it. “It wouldn’t have bothered me so much if he had just fucking told me.”

“He didn’t even give you a heads up?” I shook my head. “What the fuck?”

I just shrugged. “It’s fine. I’m over it.” Definitely not over it. “And I don’t want anything I tell you about him to change your perception. I’m sure he’s a much different person now.” “That’s exactly it, though. He is such a family person, so to speak, that it kind of shocks me. He loves getting us together and doing card nights with movies. To hear he acted like that? For fucks sake Ira I didn’t even know you existed… It’s hard to think anything but differently about him.”

I bit back the tears. Card nights and movies? That's what we used to do together. She didn’t need to see me cry, and I didn’t want her to either. “It’s not his fault. I don’t blame him for not mentioning me. There isn’t much to talk about.”

“Why would you say that?” Mor said politely, “share what you want, I don’t want to overstep.”

I fiddled with my fingers. Playing with the devil's on my shoulders. Should I just bite the bullet and get it over with? I just sighed. “When he left I had a lot of issues. A really hard time coping with it all. I made some pretty awful decisions and ended up in a correctional facility. Not really juvy, but not really not juvy if that makes sense? I don’t know if he even knows about it at all. Nothing good happened after he left and… I don’t really know. I do, but-”

“Ira,” Mor said in a very soft tone. Like she was trying to keep from scaring a wounded kitten. “You share when you’re ready. And I will listen.”

I couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think clearly as tears clouded my eyes. Mor stood up and came to a halt in front of me. “You’re gonna get through this, Ira. It’s gonna fucking suck, and I don’t think you’re gonna find someone who understands that more than I do. When I was-”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“Shh,” she hissed, and I sealed my lips, a smile spreading across the pressed line. “I am a one-for-one person. You give, I give. You take and I take. I know there aren’t many people in this world you trust, so let me make it a little easier for you.”

I just nodded.

“When I was younger, I also made some mistakes. Got involved with the wrong group of people and ended up paying the price. It took me years to get over and I wasn’t sure that it was ever going to get better. Or that I’d ever be able to trust people blindly again. Then I met Rhys and he lent a helping hand. And, believe it or not, your brother made a huge difference in my life.”

“You’ve gotta be joking,” I snickered. “Nope,” she shook her head. “When he’s not entangled in work he can actually be a really fucking good time.”

“That somehow doesn’t surprise me at all.”

“What I’m trying to get at is everyone here has had some shit to deal with in their life.” She took my hands in hers. “Rhys was on the verge of bankruptcy, Feyre had to drop out of art school to take care of Nyx… we’re basically a refuge for misfits. You’re gonna fit right in. Now, enough with the heart-to-heart, you and I are going to go get our nails done.”

“We are?” I couldn’t help but let a tear slip through, and I sniffled. “I have to ask Cassian.” “He is so overbearing I swear,” Mor looked to the sky and cursed. “You get out of this and I’ll go talk to him.”

“Okay,” I squeezed her hands before she left. I know I told myself to not get attached to her, but fuck was she making it hard. As much as I want to fall into her arms for telling me everything was gonna be alright, that wasn’t realistic. And she wasn’t my fucking mother, and I wasn’t five. She didn’t need to shoulder my burdens. It wasn’t her job.

She’s just being nice. She’s just being nice.

I ripped the top off my chest– quite literally– and laid it out on the bed to wear for later. After I had gotten changed, I met Mor downstairs where she was talking with Cassian. I tried to slip past them to the kitchen but-

“Ira,” Cassian shouted. Dammit. “Come here.”

“Yes, Colonel Sanders?”

“Stop calling me Colonel Sanders,” he rolled his eyes. Mor snickered and Cassian glared. “Why didn’t I know beforehand that you wanted to go out?”

“It wasn’t her idea, Cass,” Mor countered. “I told you that.” “Seriously, I had no idea until she just came up,” I tried to express it as genuinely as I could. Unfortunately, another skill I had developed was seeming extremely genuine when I couldn’t give two shits.

“You’re gonna go with her?”

“Yes, dumbass. I am the one taking her,” Mor smacked the back of his head. “We’ll be back in two hours.”

“Fine,” Cassian pinched his nose.

“On second thought, maybe three. She needs some shoes to match that… new dress.”

“Do I even want to know?” “Nope,” Mor and I said at the same time, and we bounced out of there as fast as we could before Cassian could change his mind. She walked to a shiny, obviously just washed Mercedes SL Roadster. Navy blue with light gray interiors. Convertible. H.O.T.

“Okay, this car is sick.” I was basically foaming at the mouth. “What's the top speed you’ve reached in this thing?”

“The speed limit,” she winked, but mouthed a hundred and twelve. “We have an appointment to catch, but on the way back I’ll drive the back roads and give you a taste of the wind.”

I climbed in and sank into the seat. This car was comfier than my bed. Not that that was surprising, I was basically sleeping on a cardboard box. When I asked for Cassian's room, I should’ve specified that I wanted his room at his house. Not the one he occasionally slept in. But I guess he and Nesta needed the space.

Boy were they bad at being subtle in the middle of the night.

I need to make a list of things to get and double underline earplugs.

Mor must’ve been a local celebrity with the way the salon employees greeted her and offered her a seat right away.

“Who have you brought with you?”

“This is Ira, my good friend's sister. She’s staying with us for a while and we have the charity event at the casino tonight so I thought we should make a whole day out of it,” Mor smiled, scanning the wall of nail polish.

“Oh how fun. I’m Claire, Mor’s nail tech,” the lady introduced. “Please, take a seat and let's see what we can do for you this time around.”

On the way over I had looked up some nail inspo on Pinterest. Mor told me, word for word, to ‘get whatever the fuck I wanted’ because it was her treat and she’s always wanted a little sister to spoil and pamper. I wasn’t sure how that made me feel, but I think I liked it.

I pulled up the picture on my phone: medium length but very pointy. The accent nail was matte black, the others a shiny, deep maroon that faded into black at the tips. Those also got a sparkly topcoat and some crystals on the accent nail. I had a vision to do a dark smokey-winged eyeliner look with some ombre lips to match the nails.

Very classy but a little bit of ‘fuck with me and you’ll regret it’ vibe.

I watched intently as the technician, Melinda, carefully crafts the nails. How these people did this I’ll never know. The powder seemed like a fucking struggle. She started telling me something about the liquid-to-powder-ratio and my brain left the conversation. Very underrated artists for sure.

“So, what do you want to do with your hair?” Mor asked, bending her fingers to look at the pretty coral color on her nails. They were super shiny, almost a chrome finish.

“I saw this picture of a shaggy kind of french twist? I think I could figure it out,” I shrugged, looking at my nails before sticking them under the curing lamp. “What about you?”

“I’m just gonna curl it,” she leaned her head back and closed her eyes. “Oh, don’t forget to remind me about the shoes.” “No, it’s fine. I have some different options. This is more than enough.” I had seen the prices of the manicure package. It included a full manicure plus a full set of nails. And it was not cheap.

“Ira-”

“Please, Mor,” I let out a nervous laugh. I cut it off almost immediately. I cannot start doing the Dana thing. “I don’t need the shoes. This is perfect.”

She just nodded, letting it go.

Thank. God. I did not have time to get into the whole underprivileged child thing. Where it made me feel sick to my stomach to not only ask for something, but to have people offer it knowing full well that I did want it, but would deny every offer. It made me feel guilty because I should be grateful for what I do have. I didn’t need it, but I still wanted it. A feeling somewhere between pity and desperation.

I didn’t want people to feel bad for me, but I just wanted someone to care. To understand even a little bit.

Trauma was such a weird, twisted thing.

“Do you want to add the sparkly top coat or just the shiny one?” Melinda asked, twisting the two bottles in her hands.

I thought. Looked at the nails, then at the polishes. “Fuck it, let’s do the sparkly one.”

She chuckled, tapping the bottle against her palm. “It’s what I would’ve gone with too.”

“Those are literally so gorgeous,” Mor leaned over. Hers were done and she was sucking on a lollipop. “You’ve got an eye for this kind of thing, don’t you?” “Always a dreamer, never the dream,” I batted my lashes playfully, sighing as if I were in a daze. “I think I’ve always liked this kind of stuff, I’ve just never had access to it until now.”

Mor patted the top of my head before saying she was going to pay up front.

“So, Mor said that she’s good friends with your brother?”

“Mhm,” I nodded, palms instantly going a little clammy. “Yeah we recently reconnected after about six years.”

“Oh, how wonderful!”

That’s one way to put it. “Yeah, I missed him. Probably more than I ever let myself think before. I spent a lot of time being angry at him.”

“Well, my dear, it is never too late. The two of you may have been going your separate ways, but it’s never too late to turn around. It’s only too late if one of you is left standing and the other isn’t.”’

Okay, did Mor accidentally make some last minute edition to the manicure package that included an overly inspirational surprise? I was not expecting that. But now that I was thinking about it… it was like Cassian and I were standing on two opposite ends of a bridge. The constant rumble for the past lurking in the darkness below. Always there. I could see him, barely, but that everlasting presence was there; a cloud of fear and worry that we wouldn’t ever get past or differences blocked my path to him.

Why couldn’t I just forgive people? Why did I have to hold grudges and make things complicated? I was wired so differently than most people. Like here I was, with Mor at this incredible nail salon and all I could think about was how much money she was spending on me. Why couldn’t I just be excited for my first real set of nails? Or thankful that Mor never made any type of facial expression over how expensive all of this was?

Dana and Arthur always made the same face when something was expensive, and I could pick up on it after only seeing it twice. Then I subconsciously– totally consciously– made the effort to pick less expensive options.

It’s in the same category of responses when I hear them coming down the hall and I have the overwhelming feeling of needing to look busy because I simply just don’t know how to relax.

Staking on constant alert was so fucking exhausting.

By the time I snapped back into reality my nails were done and she was wiping down her station. “Thank you, Melinda. They’re beautiful,” I smiled sweetly, taking the few dollars I had shoved haphazardly into my pocket and giving them to her. “I know it’s not much but-”

“Nonsense. The gesture is much appreciated but please keep it, dear. You are welcome back here whenever you’d like. You too, Morrigan!”

“Next time I will bring some of Elain’s cookies for you!” Mor called from behind the counter. “I’ll see you soon, Claire!”

“Bye girls!”

I could not stop looking at my nails. Could not stop pressing them against my palms or trying to do things without messing them up.

“You’ll get used to it,” Mor laughed when I tried to re-tie my hair up in a ponytail.

“I’m more worried that I’m gonna stab myself. Or that I’m- fuck. I have contacts in. How the hell am I gonna get my contacts out?” I pressed the pad of my finger against the underside of my lashes and pried my eyelid up. “This is gonna end with me in the ER.”

_____

All thoughts of doing my hair went out the window. I severely overestimated how well I’d be able to function with these daggers attached to the tips of my fingers. By the time we got back it was already three o’clock. Cassian told me to be ready by four-thirty. Lovely.

I rushed a brush through my hair and took some of my moose and tried to get the mop of curls to curl. Whoever gave me this hair deserves the death penalty. Whether it came from my mom or dad, I didn’t know, but we were gonna have a problem if we ever met in person.

I eventually found a way to pin it up to where it kind of looked nice. It was as good as it was going to get. I only had forty minutes to get my makeup done and into the dress.

The tape stuck– hallelujah– and I shifted the skirt around until my leg was exposed in the slit. Again, it was as good as it was going to get. I probably would’ve been better off with the skirt and just putting on a bralette or something on top.

Oh well, it’s already on and I don’t have time to fuck around.

For once my makeup went on smoothly and looked sleek and clean. And the lips to match the nails? Nail on the fucking head with that move.

I did actually have shoes to wear and they were some nice platforms. One of the nicest things I owned. Totally didn’t steal them from a girl in high school when I crashed junior prom. To be fair she deserved it. She’s the bitch that ratted me out, it was quite literally the least I could do to fuck with her.

Again, petty crimes.

Very fucking petty.

“Ira, it’s time to go!” Cassian’s obnoxious voice boomed up the stairs.

“Jesus okay,” I shouted back, collecting my jewelry and deciding I could put it on in the car. I came clunking down the stairs and everyone was already at the door. Another thing that made me feel like I’m suffocating? Running late. And I was always running late.

All eyes were on me. Cassian looked like he wanted to suffocate and die, Nesta looking pretty indifferent. Azriel was on his phone.

“You’ve gotta be- you know what, this is my night. Just get in the car. I’m only going to say this once but Ira… please just be on your best behavior.” Cassian dragged a hand down his face, shaking his head as he looked at me.

It wasn't my intention to be a problem tonight, I didn’t want my fleeting moments of freedom to be revoked. So I complied.

Cassian looked pretty good, all things considered. He was in a tux with a bowtie, Nesta in a very elegant yet stylish slip dress. Mint green to match Cassian’s bowtie. Azriel was… Don’t look at Azriel. Do. Not. Look.

“Fine. But what’s wrong with what I’m wearing?”

“It’s a charity event, not a strip tease,” Cassian said in pure disgust.

“Well if you had just let me out of the house to go dress shopping then I wouldn’t have had to look like this. But, need I remind you that this is my fucking body and I can do whatever the hell I want with it. Why do you care how I’m dressed?”

“Down, girl,” Azriel mumbled from behind me. I whirled around so fast and he was right fucking there already.

Did he just say ‘down girl’ like I was some fucking dog?

“Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to?” I may have been at least five inches shorter than he was, even in heels, but that was not going to stop me.

“Well I certainly wouldn’t talk to Nesta that way, she’d make me sleep outside,” He ran a hand over his cleanly shaven jaw. “And last time I checked Cassian wasn’t a girl so… I guess that leaves you.”

“Keep my name out of your fucking mouth or you’ll regret it.”

“Okay, cool it you guys,” Cassian grabbed onto my arm, but I yanked it away immediately.

“Yeah, cool it, Ira,” Azril mocked, somewhere between a laugh and a snort.

Fury blinded me and I turned around to face Cassian. “So you’re just gonna let him talk to me like that?”

Cassian just blinked at me. “You're more than capable of defending yourself, Ira. And I don’t want to get in the middle of this. Not today.”

“I think what he’s saying is that he’s not at your beck and call. More of the other way around,” Azriel said in a very condescending voice.

“Do you really want to keep pushing my buttons? Because I don’t think you do,” I took another step towards him, eyes narrow and nostrils flared. I was not about to let this self-centered son of a bitch walk all over me.

No matter how pretty he was. I had some morals. Not a lot, but some.

“And do what, hmm? Who are you gonna tattle on me to?” Another step closer.

“I think my knee between your legs would certainly leave more than a lasting impression on what I am capable of doing.” I matched his step stride for stride.

Azriel grinned. "You have no self control, you can't help but pick a fight, can you? It's like it's all you know how to do."

“Alright enough,” Cassian stepped between us, pressing his hand against Azriel’s chest. “Az?”

“Yes?” His eyes never left mine.

“Back the fuck off. Don’t ever think it’s okay to talk to my sister like that again.” Woah. Not expecting that. I’ve never seen him leer at someone like he did at Azriel. Then that gaze turned on me. “And you, what was the one thing I asked?”

I could’ve sent him through the fucking gravel. “He started it.”

“You’re bickering like third graders,” Nesta shouted over her shoulder. “Please spare the rest of the fucking neighborhood and get in the fucking car or we’re going to be late.”

“Leave each other alone. There, happy?” Cassian cocked his head and narrowed his eyes. All I could do was bite my tongue and shake my head in disbelief.

“Prick,” I held back the urge to spit at Azriel's feet. I went for the car Nesta got in, telling myself to pick and choose my battles.

“Aww, you don’t want to ride with me, princess?” He called out, and I flipped him off.

“Do not provoke her,” I heard Cassian say. “Don’t make this harder than it’s already going to be.”

What the fuck did that mean? I didn’t intentionally want to make this a rough night for him. But now? I was thinking very differently as to how this night would go.

“Ira,” Nesta turned around in the front seat while I buckled myself in. “Whatever you’re thinking, don’t.”

I just folded my arms across my chest. “Easy for you to say. I mean, how do you even stand the guy? He is such a fucking-”

“Douchebag? Oh, I’m well aware,” she chuckled. “But this is his event. His project that he spends months planning and sending out invitations for. I won’t pretend like I know what the fuck happened between the two of you, and I’m not going to ask because it’s your business and I really don’t care. But for my sake, don’t do anything stupid.”

Harsh, but I got the message. I stayed quiet as we pulled out and onto the road. The air was thick with tension and I just wanted to get out of the fucking car with both of them. Even if that meant being attached to him all night.

Despite the treacherous waters, excitement and butterflies fluttered my stomach as we hit the highway and I could see some city lights in the distance.

“Okay, a few rules,” Cassian eventually said after turning down the volume on the radio.

“Great, another leash,” I sighed.

Cassian and I met eyes in the mirror. He was really not having it. I bit my tongue.

“I’m gonna give you a chance, Ira. I don’t want to force you to my hip all night simply because I just don’t. You can be in whatever room I’m in, but wherever I go next, you have to be there. And I don’t care if you’re drinking some, but please don’t get wasted. Keep a low profile.” “Done,” I smiled, nodding along.

“I cannot believe I’m going to say this but… try to have fun? Meet some people and whatnot. Just behave. That is all I am asking.” Heavy emphasis on all.

“I will,” I nodded. I’d try anyway. But if there was going to be tequila, then well… that’s a different story.

___

We arrive and valet the car. Velaris Nights Hotel and Casino shined bright in my eyes. I looked around and Midnight’s Shadow was right across the street. Hopefully that Azzhole would stay there. I giggled, Azzhole. I’m so funny.

I walked up behind Cassian and Nesta. Apparently I wasn’t close enough with them for the security guard to think I was at their party.

“Ma’m, the event doesn't start for another hour,” he put his hand out to stop me.

“Oh, no I’m with-”

“She’s with me, Derrick. This is my sister Ira,” Cassian introduced and the guard gulped.

“Apologies, sir. A pleasure, Ira. If there is anything you need, come and find me. Sorry for the confusion.”

Okay, now that was cool as fuck. I guess that’s the kind of reaction you get when your brother operates the whole fucking thing. That kind of connection could be fun.

On the way over he told me that he, along with another one of his friends, was the pit boss. The other one– Amy or Amanda or something– was already here. Apparently they were some pretty A-list celebs around here. The party was scheduled for six and they needed to be here before the chaos started.

“Not cool enough to get in here, princess?”

My stomach rolled at the sound of his voice. “Piss off, Azzhole.”

“Azzhole, really?” His brows furrowed and a smirk spread over his full lips. “Be original, sweetheart.”

“Wanna see how original I can be?” I fell into step beside him. “How about you’re a predictable, conceited, arrogant-”

“You forgot cocky,” he butted in. “And handsome. I’m very handsome.”

“Egotistical,” I listed off. “Like I said, you’re predictable. And I wouldn’t flatter yourself, sweetheart.”

“I’d hardly call it flattering, more of a confidence booster. Three days in town and you think you have me all figured out? Care to bestow some more wisdom on me, your majesty?”

“Please, the last thing I want to do is have to hear the agitating sound of your voice for the rest of the night. Piss off, will you?” I scoffed, adjusting the choker on my neck.

“Don’t worry, princess,” Azriel bent down to talk in my ear. “I think we got off on the wrong foot. You’ll find out that I can be a lot of fun. If you ever let your guard down, we might even be able to have a good time.”

“Yeah because my brother would be so thrilled about us spending time together.”

Azriel shrugged. “What he doesn’t know won’t kill him.”

Now, I know I heard that incorrectly. But before I could open my mouth to respond, he plucked a champagne flute off a tray and raised it in the air before downing it in one go.

I finally allowed myself to look at him when he walked away. He was dressed in all black; black button up, black slacks, black dress shoes and a black belt. And a silver watch on his left wrist. In another world I might’ve thought that we looked like we could go together, but that was galaxies away. God his back and shoulders…

His ass. He was dangerous. Probably in more ways then one, and fuck did I want to find out all of them.

As I made my way over to Cassian, Mor ambushed me and had a bright smile on her face.

“Hey you,” she greeted. “Don’t you look good.”

“Thanks. I love that dress. The corset top is perfect.” It was coral colored to match her nails. The structured bodice had sheer paneling and a floor length skirt. Her blond hair was in curls and she had on some wicked eyeliner.

“It was a pain in the ass to get into. Where’s Cassian? I need to ask him if he wants me on the floor or up with Amren keeping an eye on things.”

Amren, that’s her name. The other pit boss apparently. “He’s over there talking with someone.”

Mor nodded, grabbing some champagne for me and her. “Loosen up, babe. You’re stiffer than an iron pole.”

“I’m not stiff.” I was so fucking stiff. This place was a playground for adults, and I had just turned twenty-one. My mind was running rampant with thoughts.

“Okay, you’re not stiff. And I’m ShaquilleO’Neal,” Mor teased, linking her elbow with mine.

We made our way over to Cassian and Rhys who were talking with this ginger guy. He had long, fiery red hair and a scar running the length of his face through his eye. He was also quite stunning. I don’t know what’s in the water here but I think I need some.

“Ah, this is her. Lucien, this is Cassian’s sister Ira,” Rhys extended his hand to me, gesturing like I was some higher up.

“A pleasure,” Lucien inclined his head. “I am one of the business investors for the hotel.”

“Ahh,” I said. What the fuck am I supposed to say to that? I don’t know how to talk to these people. So I just stayed quiet. Cassian’s words rattling in the back of my head: keep a low profile.

“I’m not sure that I knew you had a sister,” Lucien looked me head to toe. “I can see it, though. Same eyes, same nose.”

Here we go again.

“I’ve been getting that non-stop since I showed up here,” I scoffed. “I mean could we really look that similar?”

“Well, we are related,” Cassian laid his arm across my shoulders. “You’ve grown into it, Ira. Dana had always thought that we’d look more alike as we got older.”

“It, by no means, is meant as a shot at your beauty, Ira,” Lucien’s lip curled up. “You look lovely tonight.”

He reached for my hand and gave the back of it a kiss. If my eyes weren’t nearly falling out of my skull, I might’ve accidentally done the same to him. Thank god I did not kiss the back of his fucking hand. His massive hand, might I add.

Lucien most definitely wasn’t my type. He had his life together and looked like a good person. I was far too erratic and damaged to be of any good to him. But if he was suggesting something…

“Oh, uhh thanks.” Oh, uhh thanks? Did you just get fucking electrocuted, Ira? “I like your suit, it compliments your hair very nicely.”

That wasn’t a lie. He had on a hunter green blazer and a black vest with a black tie. There was one braid running along the side of his scalp, down the side of his face and behind his ear. The rest of it flopped over the opposite side of his head.

“I think I’m gonna like you, Ira,” Lucien smiled, pointing at me. “See, she likes my suit. Why’d you give me hell for it?”

“Because you look like a stick of celery,” Cassian was very obviously in a mood.

“I do not,” Lucien rolled his eyes. “It’s too dark of a green to be celery.”

“Potato potato,” Mor shook her head.

“Don’t be rude,” I said to Cassian. “If he’s confident wearing it, who are you to squash that for him?”

All eyes looked at me and our little circle went quiet. Welp… fuck.

“Can I get you a drink?” Lucien asked me, clearing his throat.

“Yes.” “No,” Cassian and I said together. I glared at him so hard I thought he’d burst into flames. “I’ll find you later, Lucien.”

Cock blocker.

I gave a sorrowful look at Lucien when he walked away. Cassian was still focused on me, but the second he got pulled into another conversation I winked at Lucien. He smiled back.

I looked around at the main lobby. There was a full chandelier sparkling above me, and some stone pillars going from the floor up into the ceiling. The black marble floor reflected all the lights, much the same with the counter top of the bar.

Who knew a bunch of boys could design something so intricate and delicate. They probably had to consult Mor. Or Feyre, more likely. I liked the touch of silver here and there within some of the statues and decorations. The balloon arch was a little cheesy though.

I ditched Cassian and took a lap around the room, just surveying the crowd. I could feel his eyes on me every turn I took. Whatever. I guess this would be my one shot at proving that I could behave and control my impulsions. Anything to prove his ass wrong.

The champagne was weirdly sweet and smelled like roses. But it was alcohol and I was fine with that. There was a series of tables lined up at the side, but no food or anything on them yet. I guess they’d bring it out closer to the guests arriving? I had so many questions that I wanted answers to. Mainly what the actual fuck is Cassian doing running a fucking casino?

By the time I made it back around the room, I snagged another flute off the tray of a passing by waiter and stuck the empty one in its place. This one tasted much better. Across the room my eyes landed on Azriel. He was talking with a group of people who looked mildly afraid of him.

He stuck out like a sore thumb. Everything about him screamed unapproachable. All hard lines and defined muscles. There was nothing soft about him, and I was also very very fine with that.

Everyone else was wearing full tuxedos or gowns. But he was just in a button down shirt and slacks. Which fit cruelly tight on him. Showing off a toned physique. And his amazing backside.

My finger tapped against the glass with all the thoughts I was having of him. About his hands on me and his mouth on mine. Do I have any idea as to why I’m so ready to drop to my knees for this guy, absolutely not. He would have one hell of a blow job though. It wouldn’t ever happen, mostly because I think Cassian has already snuck a camera in my room to make sure it didn’t.

Voyeur.

Mor apprached Azriel, coral gown catching the attention of several other people. She stuck herself right at his side, his arm falling across her back.

Oh, fuck.

I watched more intently than I ever had. Were they a thing and I didn’t know it? It would make a lot of fucking sense. I mean, look at them. He’s hot, she’s hot and I don’t even swing that way. I’d be an idiot to not notice and appreciate Mor’s beauty.

They looked like exact opposites, yet somehow they seemed to fit seamlessly together. Her shoulder lined up with his, her hip to his.

My heart fucking ached. For no other reason than I was jealous he was touching her and not me. It made absolutely no sense considering I wanted to burn him from the inside out. He was an ass. But if they were a thing… I can’t fuck that up. I mean, I could if I wanted to, but Mor had been nothing but nice to me.

For the second time in two days I found myself acknowledging that she was a good person. A great one. That she did not need to be involved with me and my bullshit. Azriel may have been a gigantic bitch, but I didn’t want to cut ties with Mor just because I had irrational feelings for him. That would not be fair for her. Or myself.

Am I actually talking myself out of a bad idea? Wow that’s… new. Normally I acted instantly on every idea I had. Good or bad. Since when did I debate with myself?

I washed down the feelings with the rest of the champagne and headed to the bar, perching myself on a stool while I waited for someone to show up.

Not longer than five minutes passed when I felt a presence behind me. It was Lucien.

“Hey,” I smiled, a genuine one.

“I waited until the coast was clear,” he grinned, sliding into the spot next to me.

“Cassian is just a pussy,” I rolled my eyes, finding him easily across the room. He was a head and a half taller than anyone. Lucien snorted, covering his mouth with his fist. “It’s true.”

“I don’t disagree, but he is my main business partner and I do not want to get off that list because there are dozens waiting in line to have the business that I do.”

“You said you’re an investor? What exactly does that mean?” I hoped he wasn’t about to man-splane things to me. I wasn’t a genius by any means, but I didn’t want to be talked to like a child.

“If they need money for construction, or for a new stock, that’s where I come in,” Lucien explained. “They first came to me with the outline of the business and I knew it was going to take off right away. There isn’t a whole lot in this city besides rich people and their fat pockets. What better way to bring a city to life than to build something that can bring people in.”

“So you are basically their personal bank?”

“No,” he chuckled. “Not exactly. Yes, I have the money, but it is more so my advice they come looking for the most. Sure I could write checks all day, but you can’t buy good, quality financial and business advice.” “Have you ever heard of Zoltar?” I laughed, noticing the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled.

“If you’re referring to the genie in a plexiglass box that takes coins in exchange for fixed fortunes, then yes I have. But I don’t think he’s going to be putting me or your brother out of business any time soon.”

I nodded along, pleasantly surprised by his professionalism. He surely knew what he was talking about. Not like I could confirm if it was accurate, he could be talking straight out of his ass for all I knew.

But he didn’t make me feel like an idiot, which I was thankful for.

“What can I get for you tonight?” A bartender asked.

“Honestly, I don’t really know. Something that looks fancy but is gonna make me feel it in the morning,” I sighed, and judging by his eager nod he knew exactly what I needed.

“And for you?”

“An Old Fashioned will do, extra bitters please,” Lucien gave a polite smile; it didn’t crinkle his eyes in the way I had seen when I made him smile. Reading too much into this? Definitely. “I don’t want to seem insensitive or anything, but how old are you? I won’t tell anyone if you’re underage but I don’t want to-”

“I’m twenty-one. Just had my birthday a week ago,” I explained. “I know I look… young.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” Lucines ginger brows furrowed.

I just shrugged, “It is when you constantly get treated like a baby.”

“Fair point.” Lucien swirled his thumbs around one another for a few moments, watching the bartender make our drinks. “Did you do anything fun for your birthday?”

“Probably not anything you’d consider fun.” I was certain that telling Cassian’s investor that I spent my birthday at a restaurant, pretending to be a waitress to make quick cash, was not a good idea. “It was not the twenty-first birthday I dreamed of as a kid.”

“Bummer,” Lucien frowned a little, taking a sip of his drink when he had it passed to him. “When I turned twenty-one, my brothers thought it would be a hilarious idea to call beforehand and ask the bartender to freak out on me when I walked in. He acted like he had seen me before, which he hadn’t, and was adamant that I had been in here with a fake ID. Safe to say that I nearly shit my pants.”

I laughed, squashing the immediate guilt of using a fake ID on numerous occasions. I still have a few, but there’s no point in keeping them anymore. I can get in anywhere now. Totally legally!

I said thank you to the bartender before giving my drink a taste. It was good, but I could definitely taste the headache tomorrow. Was I a stranger to drinking? Absolutely not, so hopefully this would give me some sort of buzz.

“How many brothers do you have?” My vain attempt at not asking about the scar.

“Five,” Lucien’s eyes got a little big. “All older.”

“Jesus, and I thought one was chaos. Your poor mother,” I took another sip and felt my stomach ignite with the familiar burn. “Speaking of the fucking devil…”

“Ira,” Cassian spoke in a harsh tone. His eyes narrowed on Lucien. “Come on, we’re heading over to the greeting line.”

“Okay, have fun.” This wasn’t my party, I didn’t need to stand and greet people.

“Ira,” he bared his teeth. “Lets. Go.”

“You are such a cock block, you know that?”

Lucien’s cheeks were the same shade as his hair. “Oh, Cassian I wasn’t-”

“I know you wouldn’t be that stupid,” Cassian grabbed my elbow. “This one? Now she’s a different story.”

“You think I’d fuck your business investor? Do you really think that poorly of me? No offense,” I threw over my shoulder with a wince.

He raised his hand with an understanding smile, “None taken.”

A gentleman. I think I’ll add Lucien to my internal list of people to be grateful for. And that was a very very short list. He was a great guy, just not for me.

“I wouldn’t put it entirely past you.” Fucking rude. “I’ll see you later on, Lucien. Let’s go, Ira.”

“Shackled yet again,” I sighed out, not bothering to hide my clear annoyance as I picked up my drink. A Mojito I think? “Thanks for the convo, Lucien.”

“Anytime, Ira.” He tipped his glass to me, and I did the same.

I followed behind Cassian’s massive shoulders and scowled the whole way. Why did he always have to do that? Wasn’t he the one to try to make friends in the first place?

“Can I just say that you haven’t known me for the past six years and you have no right to make judgements on my character,” I hissed, finally catching up to him. “That was a total dick move. We were just talking to each other. You’re the one who told me to have fun here.”

“And what was one of the rules I had? Wherever I go, you follow.”

What. A. Fucking. Loser.

We rounded a corner and there was a grand staircase just outside the set of glass doors. It was lined with red carpeting and velvet ropes. To my surprise, there were some photographers waiting on either side of the stairs.

“Now, stand here and smile.”

“That’s it?”

“For my sake, yes, that’s it. Don’t talk to anyone, just be quiet,” Cassian squared his shoulders as he stood next to Rhys and Feyre. Nesta was on his left, me on his right.

“Eye eye, captain buzz-kill.”

He rolled his eyes.

“You certainly do like getting under his skin,” Azriel’s voice chilled my spine.

“It's another one of my favorite hobbies,” I responded, smiling as a woman and her older husband walked by, shaking Rhys, Cassian, and Azriel’s hands.

“Along with the pick pocketing and hot-wiring?”

Just to prove how fucking capable I was, I carefully reached down, effortlessly removing his watch from his left wrist without a single hair being disturbed. I held it up in front of his face, dangling it like a carrot. His eyes widened and he looked from his empty wrist to the watch in my hand.

“A rolex? A little… basic. Certainly this one could sell for a few hundred thousand, don’t you think?”

“Give that back,” he lowered his voice, and I smirked.

“Finders keepers.” I took an obnoxious sip of my drink.

“Now.” He was so easily ruffled. I had found a weakness of his; he did not like it when I touched his stuff.

I placed the hunk of metal into his open palm and he put it on with a clenched jaw. “Insult my skills again and I’ll make sure the cash is deposited into my bank account before you even realize the watch is missing.”

“You’re quick, I’ll admit that,” he still whispered. “But we both know that you hide behind a mask to cover up the fact that you lack any level of human decency.”

Now that fucking stung. “Who the hell are you to tell me about human decency? And what the hell happened to the whole ‘we got off on the wrong foot’ shit? Your words, not mine.”

I need to stop believing that people will keep their word. I thought Cassian was genuine when he told me to have fun and make friends. Wrong. And not that I really expected Azriel to stay true to his in the first place, but he had no business making assumptions about me. Even if they were right.

The muscles in his jaw clenched as well as his fists. It was immediately wiped away as another guest approached. But when he was gone, his mouth was open again.

“Fine, you got me there. Let's be civil and have a normal conversation. Are you having a good time?”

“Do you honestly think I am?”

“I honestly don’t care,” he scoffed. So much for the effort to be civil. His eyes locked with mine when I stuck my tongue out at him. “You seriously need a lesson in etiquette.”

“And you seriously need a lesson in how to not be a douchebag,” I quipped, catching the attention of the couple that walked in front of us. I mouthed a ‘sorry’.

Azriel’s shoulders shook with a suppressed laugh. “You really don’t know how to be subtle, do you?” “It’s not exactly in my play book,” I responded, plastering a fake smile on my lips. “And for the record, I know how to have some class.”

“You sure? Because you look more like you belong across the street.” He was referring to Midnight’s Shadow. And he was not subtle about the way he looked at my outfit. As much as I didn’t want to shiver at the gaze, I couldn’t help it. It made me feel guilty, especially when I saw Mor quickly stepping into line next to Azriel on the other side.

They exchanged a quick smile and my heart froze. Why the hell was he looking at me like that and not her?

“And I do. I’m far better at drinking and dancing than I am at pretending to be interested in this fucking sleep fest.”

Azriel grumbled another laugh, his voice deep. “The festivities are actually entertaining. All the old ladies flock to the bingo room the second it’s open. And the poker tournament is always fun to watch.”

A light bulb went off in my brain. “Do you have to already be registered to play?” My devious little mind was thinking about getting in on the action.

“No, why?” He asked.

“Because I might want to join them,” I shrugged. “What else is there to do?”

“You can play poker? I’ve barely seen you able to control your hair let alone your facial expressions,” Azriel teased, gesturing to the mess at the back of my head.

“I have an amazing bluff. See? My poker face is already on, I’m standing here pretending to be nice to you when I really want to kick you to the fucking ground.”

Maybe a touch too hard. But his lips curled into a smile and I didn’t miss the way his eyes flicked to my mouth. “Such a wicked, testy thing.”

“Got a problem with that?” I tipped my glass back, finishing the crafted drink before wiping the corners of my lips, waiting for a response. Again, his eyes went to my mouth.

“Absolutely not.”

I just rolled my eyes. “You fucking wish, buddy.”

“There are plenty of things I’d wish for before you in my bed, sweetheart,” Azriel challenged, rocking slightly on his heels. “World peace, a lamborghini-”

“A lamborghini?”

“Earplugs,” He rattled off next. “Seriously, do you ever stop talking?”

“Only when I’m certain I’ve made my point.”

“Cassian, your sister won’t shut up,” Azriel whined like a toddler.

“Seriously, you’re tattling to my brother? What are you, three years old? Get a fucking life, dude.” “I’m not three, I’m just annoyed.” “Both of you, stop it. Now.” Cassian was pissed. His cheeks were a little red and his eyes were practically bulging out of their sockets. “If you don’t start behaving I’ll drag you out of here myself.”

“Yes mother.” My jaw was damn near on the floor. I wasn’t five anymore. I didn’t need to be scolded by Cassian. And especially not by Azriel who was quietly chuckling to himself. “What the fuck is your problem with me?” “I don’t have a problem with you,” Azriel shook his head. “Despite my better judgment you’re actually kind of funny. But Jesus, you need to learn how to respect people. Do you know how hard he works to put this on every year?”

I didn’t, and I didn’t care. “Why does it matter?”

“It takes months and months to coordinate. Between investors, vendors, caterers, guests… It takes a small army. And to then suddenly throw you back into the mix? Did you ever stop and think about how he might be handling all this?”

No. I hadn’t. Not for a second. I didn’t respond. I am an awful fucking person.

“Exactly. This hasn’t been the easiest transition for any of us. So do us all a favor and cut him some slack,” Azriel’s tone was a little sharp, but he wasn’t being unreasonable.

And he was right. I hadn’t thought about how any of them would adjust to me being here. Out of the blue. Just in their lives and in their business after years of not knowing that I even roamed this earth.

“It’s not fair,” I mumbled.

“What isn’t fair?” Azriel asked.

“Cassian is the one who cut me out of his life. Not the other way around. He has no reason to be pissed at me for just simply existing,” I huffed, air rushing back into my lungs.

“I think it’s a little more complex than-” “What the fuck do you know about us anyway?” I spun to face him, not giving a flying fuck about who was listening. “Cause I’m thinking it’s not much because if you knew, you’d know who I was from the beginning. So keep your speculations to yourself from now on. Got it?” To my surprise, he actually nodded, biting his lips and not looking my way again as the rest of the guests flowed in.

I was hot. Burning hot with rage and anger and hate. The fucking nerve he has to pretend he knows what happened between Cassian and I. The second Cassian said I could go, I was flying back around the corner to the bar. Thankfully, Cass didn’t try to stop me. He might’ve walked out of here with one less hand.

The two shots of tequila left a wake of burn in my esophagus and settled in my stomach. I needed food. Quick. I didn’t actually want to give myself alcohol poisoning.

There were typical fancy party snacks and shit that wasn’t going to be enough to fill me up. The place was buzzing with people and now I just wanted to leave. I was irritated and a little sweaty. Those things didn’t mix well when I got overwhelmed. And the absolute last thing I needed was to have a panic attack in a room full of people.

I feel so violated. None of what was going on here tonight was okay. There was little I could do to keep my emotions in check. This was wildly unfair. Down right cruel. Cassian didn’t own me and he sure as hell needed to get his friend under control.

I needed air. Badly.

“... I don’t know whether or not that event is going to be able to fit into our calendar. We are already booked through the end of the year and- Ira?”

“I’m just going outside for a minute,” I said quietly to Cassian. I gave him a look I hoped he would recognize from years ago. The one I always gave him when he knew I wasn’t able to breathe right for one reason or another. “Just wanted to let you know.”

He gave a nod. And that was more than enough of an understanding. I kept my head down and pressed through the crowd to a set of doors. The setting sun greeted me as the chilly september air brightened my senses again.

In for four, out for four. In for five, out for five. In for six, out for six.

One of the only memories I have of Cassian actually being helpful was when he taught me how to control my breath when I had my first panic attack. I was about six years old. Dana and Arthur were having a conversation in the other room and I overheard them.

“She doesn’t understand right from wrong,” Dana shouted. “What are we supposed to do?”

“Be patient with her, Dana,” Arthur countered. “She just found out they’re not getting adopted. She has every right to be angry and untrusting of us. It’s not her fault. She needs time to adjust to the situation.”

“Yes it is her fault! She got into her teacher's purse and stole her wallet! She pushed a kid off of platform at recess. She is out of control. Here, at school… she is gonna move on to worse shit one day.”

“Ira,” Cassian shook my shoulders. “Ira it’s okay, just breathe.”I hiccuped a sob, snot dripping down my chin. My brain and chest and lungs felt like they were on fire. I couldn’t hear or see anything clearly and all my limbs felt numb and tingly.

“Shhh, Ira it’s okay. I’m here with you. Follow me, put your hands on my chest. Feel me breathing okay? Can you follow my breathing?”

I just nodded, not able to form any words. With every rise of his chest I pulled in a shakey, nauseating breath to match his. In… and out… in… and out…

I opened my eyes and felt my control slip back into my body. The colors in the sky grounded me back to the present and I let the tingling seep from my fingers and toes. Who would’ve thought that suddenly finding yourself back in communication with the person who abandoned you would cause such an emotional roller coaster?

I did not see any of this coming. In the past two days I’ve had more anxious episodes than I have in the past two years. That’s when I got out of “not juvy” and came to live with Dana and Arthur again.

They were stronger than ever and I had no fucking idea why. That's a complete lie. Of course I knew why. I hadn’t seen Cassian for years and now I’m suddenly living with him again? What did I expect to happen? Clearly I didn’t know it would trigger a fuck ton of memories that I’d rather bury in my mind for the rest of my life. But here we are.

Here I am. Standing outside of his hotel. His hotel. Having a panic attack. God I am so fucking pathetic.

This is not the way I wanted tonight to go. If I was going to be stuck here with him for the rest of the night then I was gonna spend it on my own fucking terms. Fuck him. Fuck Cassian and his stupid rules.

With another grounding breath, I rolled back my shoulders, taking another look at the sky before opening the door. I swallowed my self pity and put my game face on. Now I’m on a fucking mission. I was here to have fun. To make friends, per Cassian’s request.

Let’s go win some fucking money.

___

Two and a half hours later I had a stack of chips around me and a royal flush between my two cards and the river. There was a crowd behind me and someone’s sunglasses rested on the bridge of my nose.

“Miss, the turn is yours. What’s your call?” The dealer asked.

I had a royal flush. He was not beating that. Just couldn’t. I smirked, pretending to peek at my cards to appear in distress. “Check.”

“Check,” the only other player said from my right.

The dealer burned and turned the last card, and another fucking hit appeared in the river. I’ve got him by the fucking balls.

“Check,” the man says again, tapping his fingers on the table relentlessly.

“All in,” I said instantly, the small crowd gasping as I pushed the dozens of chips into the center pot. Could you believe that all I had was twenty dollars to start with and now I was over two grand? It pays to be bold sometimes.

He flipped over his cards, revealing a straight flush with a smirk.

I clicked my tongue, “Damn. Thought I had that one.”

“Ha!” The man pumps his hand in the air. “Nice try, pretty girl, but I’m-”

“Sorry, is that an eight you turned over?” I asked the dealer, full well knowing that it’s a nine.

“N-no it’s a nine, ma’am,” she pushed it closer to me and I glanced at my cards.

“Oh,” I chuckled and leaned back. “Thank god, for a second I thought you beat me! But I think a royal flush beats a straight.”

Even the dealer had her mouth open. The guy to my right damn near broke the glass that was halfway to his mouth. I flipped over my cards and spread them out for all to see. Cheers erupted around me as I won the whole fucking tournament.

“Bitch,” he hurled my way, but I let it slide off me as I stuck my arms in the air, pushing the glasses down to give him a wink as he walked by.

“Congratulations, miss,” the dealer smiled. “The pot is yours to cash. And there is the bonus as well. Follow me.”

Bonus? I got a bonus for beating some old man's ass at cards? Hell fucking yeah. I was more than buzzed and I swayed when I stood up. A hand steadied me as I wobbled.

“Note to self, don’t mix tequila with champagne,” I giggled. “Thank you, Cassian.”

Cassian? Cassian. Oh SHIT. CASSIAN. Uh oh. I'm in big. Fucking. Trouble.

“I think there has been some confusion, Darla,” Cassian said to the dealer. “She was not eligible to compete in today's tournament.”

“Oh? That’s not what I was told. She signed up validly and was-” I watched her eyes dart from my face to Cassians; albeit through blurry eyes, so maybe she was looking behind me. I turned over my shoulder, asking if she wanted to talk to the people behind me. “Oh…”

“Yeah, oh,” Cassian sighed. “Not your fault. We’ll think of something to do with the earnings.”

“Those are my chips, I won them fair and square. As square as Spongebob. The one who lived in the pineapple under the sea,” I clarified in case anyone didn’t know which one I was talking about.

“Apologies, sir.”

“It’s alright,” he tugged me closer to his body and I stumbled into him. “Let’s go. You’re cut off.”

“Should’ve done that a long time ago, Cassie,” I slurred some of my words, I think. But who cared when I felt like I was walking through the clouds.

“Don’t call me that here,” Cassie grumbled, dragging me away from the table and my beer that I'd yet to finish. Of course my only logical response was to say it over and over and over again as loud as I could.

“Wait, my beer!” I cried. “Can we go back and get it?”

“No, we can’t,” he snapped. Cassian dragged me around a corner and into some room off to the side. When he shut the door, he sat me in a chair. This looked oddly like an interrogation room. Especially when he flipped on the single overhead light. He took a deep breath. “Are you out of your fucking mind?”

“No,” I gurgled. “I am very much in my mind. See? It’s not going anywhere, my thick skull keeps it there for me.” “Don’t play stupid, Ira. What made you think it would be a good idea to enter into the poker tournament. Or that I’d be okay with it?”

“You didn’t specify that it was off limits,” I shrugged. He didn’t and he knew it. “And the bingo was boring. They kept reading them wrong and it pissed me off. They kicked me out.”

“What?” Cassian’s eyes were comically wide. “What the fuck did you do?”

“I kept telling them they were wrong. No one else was doing it so I took it upon myself. Batman has saved Gotham once again!” Cassian actually had to restrain himself punching me. I was sure of it. He brought up his arms, but did nothing with them. He just shook his head in what seemed like disbelief. “There are very few things that make me want to drive my hand through a wall, Ira. But right now? You are at the top of the fucking list.” “Get in line,” I swayed a little in my seat. “I don’t know why your panties are all in a knot. You told me to have fun. And I was having fun. I was winning money.”

“You are unbelievable,” Cassian huffed.

I just folded my arms. A knock on the door had me groaning and I tossed my head back. “Can I go now?” “No. Who is it?”

“Me,” a voice that sounded a lot like Azriel’s said. Great. Just what I need. Him.

“Come in,” Cassian commands and the door swings in. “What?”

“Amren wants to know what's going on. She’s kind of pissed because people are not happy right now,” Azriel said, and I could feel his eyes all over me. “Don’t you look like a bottle of sunshine."

I flipped him off.

“Tell them Ira is going to donate the money to the charity,” Cassian said after a few moments of silence. When I shot my head back up, mouth open in protest, I felt like I was gonna throw up so I snapped it shut quickly.

“Okay,” Azriel shrugged as if that was easy enough.

“No,” I blurted out. “That’s not fair, I won that money. I want to decide what to do with it.”

“Well, it’s customary to donate all earned money to the charity tonight. It’s the… courteous thing to do. You should know that since you apparently know how to be classy,” Azriel’s tone was laced with venom. Little did he know I had fangs of my own.

“That’s my fucking money,” I snapped. “Who gives a shit if it’s donated to charity. It’s just a couple grand.” I watch them share a look. Blinking. Not saying any words. “What?”

“Where did you get a couple grand?” “I won it,” I shrugged, not thinking anything of it. “I had a twenty in my purse and-”

“Don’t fucking lie to me, Ira. Did you win it or did you steal it?”

He might as well have slapped me clean across the face. The way my heart sank in my chest… he didn’t trust me. He had not one fucking ounce of trust in me. “You’re kidding, right?”

He just gave me an unnerving look.

“You really don’t trust me, do you?”

“That’s not the point.”

“Yes,” I nodded. “That's absolutely the point. I was just trying to have fun. Like you told me to do. Not everything I’m involved with is a scam, Cassian. I can’t even believe you would think that. I didn’t even know anything about the tournament until I sat down to play.”

“You’re saying you didn’t know how much that jackpot was? Or the bonus?” “I didn’t even know there was a bonus,” I said truthfully. “How much?”

“Nothing,” Cassian dragged a hand down his face, thumbs in his eyes.

“Well, it’s certainly not nothing,” Azriel raised his eyebrows.

“How. Much.”

“Not a fucking-”

“Thirty four-thousand total,” Azriel said way to enthusiastically.

“You’re gonna donate thirty four-thousand dollars? And it’s the money that I earned? What the fuck is wrong with you? I could use that money, you know.”

“Why the fuck did you say anyhing?” Cassian was running his fingers through his unbound hair.

Azriel just shrugged, “Because I knew the look on her face would be hilarious.”

“Don’t you have better things to do? This needs to be a private conversation.” I was damn near seething now. He was not serious. He could not do something like this to me again. He’s undermining me.

“Not really, and this is really funny,” Azriel grinned, fussing with the cufflinks on his wrists.

“Why don’t you go suck face with Mor, you fucking asshole.” Woah… totally shouldn’t have said that. Even I was a little taken aback at my words.

Cassian narrowed his eyes and brows, just moving his eyes between Azriel and I.

No one moved. I’m not even sure anyone breathed. I just watched my brother and his douchebag of a friend exchange a series of looks. They made facial expressions like they were talking, but I never heard any words. Suddenly I felt a whole hell of a lot more sober.

“Good luck, princess,” Azriel said in that tone that made me want to peel the skin of his bones. Then the door clicked shut. Just Cassian and I. In an enclosed space.

“The money is going to be donated. And that is final. You’re going home. Right now. I’m done dealing with you,” Cassian’s words dig deep. I’m done dealing with you. I’m done dealing with you.

“Yeah, walk the fuck away. Just like you always do. I thought you’d change, Cass. But clearly you’re still the same coward you were six years ago. After all this time… you still don’t trust me. Still don’t trust your sister. It’s only been two days and you’re already kicking me to the curb? Some brother you are.” I was disgusted by him. Never in my life would I have though he would’ve reacted like this to seeing me again. Sure I expected him and I to have our differences. But this? This was borderline torture.

I watched his shoulders tense as he paused by the door. He didn’t speak, but he didn’t need to. I knew I hit right where I wanted to. And I hoped it fucking hurt.

___

The clang of something against iron forces my eyes open. I groan, trying to open my eyes but find that they’re crusted together. Fucking gross. I roll my head back, neck cracking with the movement.

Everything above my shoulders– including those– ached.

I practically peeled my lashes open one by one, light bright in my eyes. I blinked several times to clear the gunk and noted how dry my mouth was. Man… I should’ve drank more water.

I know I sent a neuron or two from my brain to tell my arm to move, but it didn’t. My arms didn’t move as I tried again, and then again. I sat up in a panic, taking in my surroundings as quickly as I could through the splitting headache.

Bars. Iron bars. Concrete floors, cinder block walls.

Oh shit.

“Ira Drallor?” Damn it’s been a while since anyone used my last name. A man was in front of me through the rows of bars.

“Huh?” My chest rose and fell quickly. “W-What the fuck is happening? Where am I?”

“Relax, you’re not under arrest.” Arrest… Arrest? Holy shit, I’m in a fucking jail cell. “We just needed somewhere safe to put you.”

“Put me? What do you mean put me? Where’s all my stuff? What happened?” “Calm down, someone is on their way to get you,” He held out a steady hand, unlocking the gate and stepping inside. “I’m gonna come and take off the cuffs, okay?”

I scrambled up and turned around, hearing the unmistakable sound of handcuffs unlocking. The second they fell away I grabbed them, massaging the red indentations. “What the fuck happened?”

“You were out on the street drunker than the Chicago Bulls after their NBA Championship,” he chuckled. Because I knew whatever the fuck that meant. “Someone reported you, not to get you into trouble, but because you were alone. Walking down a busy street at two AM. With one shoe. In the middle of the road. At least you still had your purse with and ID in it.”

So much for having any ounce of self preservation. Or dignity.

“Am I being charged?” I hope to god that they don’t know I have a criminal record.

“No,” he says and I deflate instantly. “But some advice? Maybe just… don’t ever do that again.”

I gave the closest thing to a smile that I could, and then he left. I looked around, then down at myself.

My feet were bare, but both of my shoes were tucked in the corner. Along with my purse. Two of my nails were gone and my hands were covered in grime. My skirt was torn and I’m sure that my face is a wreck. There is a little mirror above the toilet and I might as well have been out to sea for seven years.

My hair is a rat's nest and, to no one’s surprise, my mascara is streaked down my face. I look like I’ve been beaten half to death with my makeup everywhere.

Two things were going through my mind: what the fuck happend being the first. The second was Cassian might actually kill me.

Guilt and dread filled my stomach, pushing anything else in there to the surface and into the toilet. I gagged and hacked and coughed into it. This was definitely not my proudest moment. Vomiting in a jail cell toilet that hasn’t been cleaned in god knows when.

Just how I wanted to start my day. Or night, I had no idea what time it was. Of if it was the same day.

The guard must’ve been nearby because he brought me some water and a packet of crackers. He’ll be on that list with Lucien if I make it out of here with my head still on my body after Cassian shows up.

Fuck… what am I gonna say to Cassian? I hardly remember anything from last night– the night before?– and I don’t know the full extent of what I did. I remember the poker game and then being furious at Cassian about him making me donate all of it. Oh god… I didn’t have to get up on stage and declare that, did I? Fuck… this is gonna be a mess to clean up.

What I couldn't figure out was why I was so mad at Cassian. He probably said something stupid. He always does when he’s angry. I back-tracked through my memories. I was playing poker, then I won. I remember getting dragged into some room and Azriel was in there. No- Azriel came in later. I think?

Never drinking that much ever again.

“Well well well.”

I snapped my head up way too quickly and the light above me circled around and around. I rubbed the back of my neck, squinting until the figure came into clearer view.

That was not Cassian. And he was objectively worse.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I hissed at Azriel. I was so not in the mood to see him. Or hear him. Or smell his cologne but I guess none of that was really up to me since I was behind bars.

“I’m the one bailing you out,” he folded his arms over his chest, smiling smugly as he shook his head. “You look like a fucking disaster.”

“Gee, it’s almost like I got blackout drunk and woke up in a jail cell. What’d you expect, me to be well rested and done up like a Barbie?”

“I see your attitude is as snarky as ever. If I would’ve known you were gonna get locked up at the sight of me and Mor I would’ve done it a lot sooner. This is priceless,” Azriel made a vague gesture to me being locked up and leaned up against the wall.

Him and Mor? Oh- right. Fuck, was I that obvious about it? I really didn’t feel like bickering with him. I just wanted to go home and go to sleep. “What time is it?”

He looked at the watch I had plucked off his wrist earlier. “Almost five.”

“AM or PM?”

“AM?” He gave me a funny look. “Do you have any recollection of what happened?”

“Does it fucking look like I know what happened? No, I don’t. But can you hurry up and get me the fuck out of here?”

“Only if you say please,” Azriel smiled, his stupid, perfectly white teeth flashing.

I blinked at him. “Azriel I swear to god I will-”

“Just say please and I will get that guard over here to unlock you. The longer you let your pride win, the longer you’ll have to wait for the aspirin, Gatorade, and bacon egg and cheese bagel in the car.”

Every single remark flew out of my mind the second he said aspirin. “Azriel, please get me out of here.”

“Like you mean it,” he grinned wider if that was even possible.

I was gonna put him through a wall the second I got out of here. But I inhaled, detaching my shoulders from my ears, and swallowed. “Azriel, please. Please get me out of here…”

Something softened in his eyes as he nodded to his right. The sound of keys jingling cut through the air and the guard appeared. Thank fucking god.

“Alright, Miss Drallor, you’re free to go. Get home safe, you two,” he smiled as I walked by, and I read his name tag. Benjamin.

“Thank you Benjamin,” I smiled, arms full of my belongings. “I’ll try not to get that hammered again. Thanks for keeping me safe.”

“I had a daughter your age once. If someone did the same for her as I did for you, I’d owe them a hell of a favor. Take care, now.”

With a mutual nod, I padded over- still barefoot- to Azriel. “Can we go now?”

“Sure,” he pushed off the wall, spinning his keys around his finger, catching them in his palm.

The sun was just beginning to shed light on the horizon, a few birds chirping along with the crickets. It was cold, and my feet ached more than my fucking head. I kept my eyes on the ground, careful to not step on any sharp stones in the parking lot.

“Over here,” Azriel waved, guiding me towards a shiny black Audi R8. Jesus fuck that was a nice car. I paused a few feet from the passenger door, taking in the all black vehicle. This thing cost about seventeen times more than my life's worth. “Leave any scratches and I’ll drop you on the side of the road.”

Some part of me knew he was joking, but I took it seriously. I just wanted to get back to the house.

I carefully opened the door and set my things on the floor in front of the plush leather seat. I began to go around the hem of my skirt, taking out all of the safety pins and cupped them in my hand.

“Ira that was… I wasn’t serious.”

I just shrugged, looking at him as I sat down. “I think I’ve caused enough fucking damage for one day so I’d rather not risk it.”

The car fired up with a touch of his finger and roared to life. Before pulling away, he reached in the back and plopped a small brown bag in my lap. Did he just… he actually bought me supplies? I peaked in the bag, cheeks heating up a little with tenderness as I saw exactly what he said he had. A bottle of blue Gatorade, a thing of aspirin, and a delicious smelling sandwich.

“I uhh,” I was genuinely at a loss for words. “Thanks, Azriel.”

“Yeah, it’s not a problem. It's one thing to press buttons, but I don't kick people when they're down. Despite what you think, I am a gentleman.” Why was he being nice to me? Why were his eyes smiling like his mouth? This is weird. Everything about this is weird.

We pulled out of the parking lot and headed down the road. Lamp posts were still on, and a few deer were over on a field once we got out of the main city. There was some soft music playing on the radio as we drove back to the house.

“I’m gonna warn you, Cassian is furious.”

“Great.” What did I expect, though. I shoved the bagel into my mouth and might’ve actually moaned at how good it tasted.

“In all honesty, I think he’s more afraid than anything. You were there in the room when he left and then you were just gone. Literally no one saw you leave, how did you get out?”

“I’m Houdini,” I snorted around a mouthful. His shoulders shook with laughter. “No, I don’t know. I just… do that I guess.”

“Not the first time you’ve had to make an escape, huh?” Azriel drove with one hand on the wheel, eyes flicking over to me before they settled back on the road.

“You can just add it to the never ending list of ‘skills’ I have,” I said. Every emotion wretched through my bones. Above all was shame. “He’s gonna kill me.”

“No,” Azriel pressed his lips together. “I genuinely think he’s not gonna be as pissed as he is worried.”

“What do you mean not gonna? Does he know you found me?” He shook his head. “What- why?”

“Because it would give him time to be coherent when he sees you after what happened yesterday. I don’t think you want that, do you?” No, I abso-fucking-lutely did not want him to prepare before I could get there. I shook my head. “Then consider this a formal favor.”

“A favor?”

“Yes. I saved your ass from Cassian, now I want something in return.”

“What could I possibly have that you would want? Cause you’re sure as hell not gonna get access to my top secret box of top secret secrets.” Maybe I'm still a little drunk. We took a sharp corner and I leavened into it, head smacking into the side of the car. Yup. Definitely still drunk. “You have a box of top secret shit?” He gave me the blandest ‘I don’t believe your bullshit’ look ever.

“No, but if I did you wouldn’t get access to it,” I smiled, taking another huge bite of the sandwich. It was so fucking good. “What do you want?”

“I want to know what the fuck happened between you two.”

The fucking audacity. He had no right to ask, and he had no need to be in our business. “Sorry, that’s one of my top secret secrets. Better luck next time.”

He clicked his tongue, “Stop being such a hardass for once in your life and just answer the question. I’m not gonna tell anyone, I just want to know why you two are at each other's throats all the time.”

“It really isn’t any of your business,” I said, folding my arms over my chest.

“Well, you’re living in my house so yeah, it kind of is my business.”

Fair point.

“There really isn’t much to it. He fucking abandoned me with our foster parents. Totally left me alone with them without a fraction of an explanation or a way to find him.” Why was I telling him any of this? I didn’t fucking owe him anything. “I think the worst part about it was that I blamed myself more than anything. I’ve spent six years of my live thinking I was the one who drove him away when in reality he ditched me for fucking you and Rhys. So I apologize if I don’t welcome you with open arms, but you mean absolutely nothing to me.”

Azriel was silent. I didn’t even hear him breathe. “Ira, it wasn’t-”

“There, I said it. Are you happy now? Fucking prick,” I ground my teeth together so hard I thought they’d crack out of my jaw. Tears stung my eyes and I forced myself to look out the window so he wouldn’t see my trembling lip.

In for four, out for four…

When we pulled in the small driveway, Azriel put the car in park but made no move to get out. And neither did I.

“If it means anything, I really hope you two work your shit out. Because not only is it a pain to listen to, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen Cassian so…”

“Burdened?” I finished for him.

“No,” he gave a small chuckle. “I was gonna say challenged. He is one hell of a dedicated person. He's determined to a fault. And the way he talks about you is… he really wants to help you. He wants to be there for you now that you’re here. He just doesn't know how to yet.” “So he just sees me as something to fix? Fucking perfect.” I rolled my eyes, collecting my things and reached for the handle. It didn’t open. I clicked the lock button and it still didn’t move. When I snapped my eyes to Azriel, he had his finger on the child lock button. “Let me out of here. Right now. And I will not be saying please.”

“Here him out,” Azriel gave me a look. A pointed look. “He wants to help you, not fix you. You don’t need to be fixed, Ira. You just need to be shown some basic human kindness for once in your life.” “Because you would know anything about being treated less than royalty. Open the fucking door or I’ll show you exactly how good some of my skills are,” I threatened. I was not above breaking windows. Especially if I was practically being held hostage. He listened.

Wise move.

I marched up to the door, smoke billowing out of my ears as I tired the handle. Locked.

Having to wait for Azriel to come and unlock it was mortifying. It might even haunt me in my dreams. He strode up the sidewalk like he had all goddamn day, sliding the key into the hole and turning it.

The foyer was empty, save for the shoes haphazardly piled in the corner. Two short beeps rang though the space as the alarm system declared the door was open. The stairs were right there and it would be so easy to-

“Azriel? Did you find her? I’m about ready to call the fucking National Guard where the hell could she… Ira,” Cassian came out of nowhere and barreled into me, scooping me in his arms. I could barely breathe, and my head and neck and body throbbed.

I coughed, the air strangling out of my lungs. He was hugging me. Cassian was hugging me. He never hugged me, even as a kid. Only when I had panic attacks would he hug me.

“Fucking put me down.” I thought I was gonna be popped like a grape.

“Where the fuck have you been? Do you have any idea how fucking worried I have been? Where did you go? Why are you so… so dirty?”

I just gaped my mouth open like a fish.

“You wanna tell him or should I?” Azriel quipped from the corner.

“Pipe it, Azzhole.” I didn’t care if it was unoriginal, it was still funny. I turned back around and looked up at Cassian. For a moment I let myself believe that he was actually worried about me. “And I honestly have no idea, I can’t remember. I woke up in a prison cell.”

I watched all the color drain from his face. “P-Prison? What the fuck, Ira? You were arrested?”

“No, apparently a good samaritan saw me wandering in the middle of the street? Barefoot as well. Well, technically I had one shoe on, I have no idea how they found the other one actually-”

“You spent the night in prison?” Cassian roared, surely waking the whole fucking neighborhood. His eyes were huge and he breathed raggedly, hands smothering my shoulders.

“Chill out, I’m fine. They just kept me there to keep me safe for the night. How they got in contact with Azriel is beyond me,” I shrugged, brushing off his hands. I moved down the hall and settling into one of the kitchen chairs. Cassian stood so tensely I wasn’t entirely sure he wouldn’t break himself in half. “No charges.” “Thank fucking god,” he blew out a breath of air, covering his eyes with his hand. Then he glared at Azriel. “Why the fuck didn’t you tell me you knew she was alright? Alive even?”

Azriel just shrugged, “Because I like fucking with you.”

“This is not something you fuck around with, Az. This is my sister, she could’ve been dead for all I knew. O-Or kidnapped. How did you even know where she was?”

“I got a text from one of the bouncers that said a woman matching her description tried to break into the club,” Azriel’s gaze hardened when he looked at me. “Apparently you smashed one of the windows and took a bottle of Jack Daniels.”

My blood ran cold. Now that was a legit crime.

“So I went down the street, found your shoe, and eventually you. For the record, I was that good samaritan that called in to the station. So you’re fucking welcome for not pressing charges.” Azriel looked pissed. Rightfully so, if all that was true. All traces of that sentimental conversation, all traces of any kindness were gone.

Cassian just breathed in. Then he breathed out. A little longer inhale the next time around told me he was doing the same trick he taught me all those years ago.

I twiddled my thumbs. “Let’s get the yelling out of the way.” “I’m not gonna yell,” Cassian rubbed the looming five o’clock shadow on his jaw.

“Just get it over with. I can take it, don’t hold back,” I rested my temple on my fist, eyes taking in my dirty ass feet. I need a shower. And then a bath. And then my cardboard box of a bed.

“No,” Cassian shook his head. “I’m not gonna yell at you, Ira. I’m done yelling at you. Clearly it’s not getting anywhere so what’s the point? I just spent the past seven hours scouring the city for you because I thought you left. And I was sick to my stomach because of the last words we spoke to each other. I know I’ve been a shitty brother. A coward. But I just got you back… I don't want to lose you again.”

A rush of memories crashed into me. My very drunk words rattled around in my head. Some brother you are. They played over and over and over and-

“So you’re… not pissed?”

“Oh,” Cassian scoffed. “I’m fucking irate. But I’m just relieved that you’re alright.”

A total fucking one-eighty from a few hours ago. Huh. Weird.

“But Ira we– we have to do something because I can’t ever have that happen again. So, here’s what we’re going to do. Starting next Monday you are going to be working at the hotel for me.”

“Okay that’s… that’s fine,” I shrugged. I was totally expecting him to send me to the military. I felt like there was a catch coming.

“And every penny that you make is going towards paying Azriel back for the damages that you caused.”

There it was.

Well, it’s better than being on the street. I looked from him to Azriel. Him and that fucking smirk. “Fine.”

“Good,” Cassian blew out a long breath. “Oh, and you’ll be working for Azirel, too.”

“What?” Both of us exclaimed at the same time.

“Didn’t you say you could use an extra set of hands, Az?” There was a very obvious tone to him. He wasn’t offering my help, he was volunteering me. Involuntarily. “You can put her in charge of cleaning up in the mornings.”

“I don’t want her in my building, she wrecked it,” he spat, pacing over to us at the table. He was so tall from this angle.

“Too bad. You want the costs covered?” Cassian stuck a hand out at me, “Well there it is. It’s been a long day. Go to fucking bed, both of you. And keep your bickering to a minimum please. Nesta is still asleep.” “Good to know she cared about me enough to make an appearance,” I huffed, receiving an eye roll from Cassian. His feet sounded up the stairs and Azriel and I were left in the kitchen. Alone. Very very alone. “Look, I don’t want to do this as much as you do so why don’t we just sweep this under the rug and call it a day. Both of us know you could pay to have a window fixed by sunrise so… wave your magic wand and make it go away.”

Azriel grinned. A devilish look. A devious look. “Oh, absolutely not. You broke my window, and you’re going to come up with the money to fix it.”

Petty bitch. Only he could rival my pettiness.

“And if I have to call in reinforcements,” he pointed up, referring to Cassian. “I will.”

“Oh, because I’m so afraid of my brother? Please.”

“No,” Azriel closed the distance between us. His body heat radiated toward me, his breath fluttering some of my loose hair. “But you should be very afraid of me.”

#azriel #azriel shadowsinger #acotar fanfiction #acotar fanfic #acotar #acotar fandom #azriel x oc #azriel acotar #azriel x ofc #rhys acotar #feyre acotar #mor acotar #cassian acotar #azriel fanfic

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mipwrites · 4 months

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A Court of Snow and Shadow Multi || Romance & Mystery || Azriel x OFC

Read on Ao3 || playlist || masterlist

Chapter Two: Phantasmata

Summary: The Night Court delegation arrives in the Winter Court.

Secrets abound.

Nothing goes to plan.

Azriel flinched, and before he could cover it up, he felt Rhys’ claws knocking at his mental shields. What was that? Rhys questioned, and the shadowsinger didn’t need to turn his head to know his brother was peering at him questioningly out of the corner of his eye as they waited in the vast entry hall of the Winter Palace.

A/N: Chapter Two!! Chapter!! Two!!! I am so desperately excited for this one lol. Enjoy!

#mip writes #my writing #acosas #a court of snow and shadow #wip #acotar #acotar fanfiction #azriel fanfic #azriel shadowsinger #azriel x reader #azriel x ofc #azriel acotar #morrigan acotar #viviane acotar #kallias #viviane #winter court

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cest-la-vieve · 2 years

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A Court of Pain and Pleasure (Ch. 14)

Summary: Eve and Az continue... enjoying each other's company with no one around for miles. Then, they swoop in to save Feyre from Nesta and Cassian before having a more than difficult conversation.

Word Count: 5.2k

Warnings: Chronic disability/pain, cussing, fluff, mentions of violence

Notes: so sorry this one took so long! i drafted about four versions and had to figure out which felt the most right

Next Chapter: Chapter Fifteen

ACOPAP Masterlist

slight smut under the cut

This time there was no Cassian to interrupt. There was no uncertainty about what we wanted.

His hands splayed across my back as he pulled me closer to him. I wrapped my legs around his waist and used what strength they had left to pull him closer, smiling when he groaned at the contact.

I felt him begin walking out of the water and swiftly moved my attention to his neck so he could see where he was going. My lips, teeth, and tongue left no inch of skin unexplored, much to Azriel’s delight and chagrin. It made the trek back to dry land much longer than it should’ve been but neither of us complained.

Eventually, his hands moved to grip my thighs as we rose out of the water and he laid me back on the soft grass near the bank.

I gasped as his weight settled against me. I felt his grin against my lips as he set one arm beside my head and the other trailed slowly - painfully slowly - from my thigh, over the crest of my hip, and up, up, up under the wet fabric of my shirt, and finally rested on my ribs.

I arched into his touch, wanting more, wanting him.

He groaned low in his throat as my hands slipped under his shirt to explore the soft skin there. I let my hands wander, applying more pressure in some spots to feel the flex of his muscles as he held himself above me and lighter to admire the feel of his still-wet skin.

I wondered if he felt even a fraction of what I was feeling. If he felt like his skin was somehow too constricting but also not close enough. I wanted him closer, which wasn’t possible despite my arms and legs trying to pull him against me. Did he feel like every moment before this had been like wading through the fog and now finally he could take a deep breath without the oppressive humidity weighing him down?

As his lips trailed down my neck, his hand raising to pull my shirt to the side so he could litter my collarbone with marks, I turned my head to the side to give him access. I took the moment to breathe, to feel each flick of his tongue and kiss from his lips, and shiver after each exhale of breath as it blew against my skin.

Passing a hand through his hair, I reached carefully for his wing. I wasn’t as gentle this time as I trailed my entire hand down the thick membrane, tracing it until it connected to his back.

At this, his hand shot up and grabbed my wrist, even as his hips surged forward into mine, causing me to emit a sound I had never heard myself make before. He carefully collected my other wrist in his large grasp and pinned them above his head.

He paused, body pressed against mine and eyes tracing every line of my face.

I couldn’t help myself. I whispered, “Please, Az.”

He smiled and shook his head, causing the curls of his hair to tickle my forehead. He pressed a sweet kiss to my lips, softer and slower than the ones before.

“Not here, Evelyn.”

I whined high in my throat at the fact that he still wasn’t kissing me, still wasn’t close enough.

“Why?” I demanded, though even to my own ears it sounded more like a desperate plea.

He leaned forward, nipping my earlobe as he said, “Because when I ravish you, I’m going to take my time, so you’re going to have to be in a place more comfortable than the forest floor.”

My mouth fell open as my brain went completely blank at the insinuation. Trying to regain some semblance of control, I wrapped a leg around his waist and flipped us over, thanking the Mother for my new Fae strength. He seemed caught off guard, obviously expecting me to submit fully beneath him.

I moved to straddle his hips, sitting up and arching my back as I said, “And when I ravish you, Azriel,” I accentuated his name with a roll of my hips and leaned down to whisper the rest against his lips, “You won’t care where it’s happening.”

His hands settled on my hips, not making me move but pulling me down on his lap. “Do you see what you do to me, princess? I haven’t known a moment of peace since the day I met you.”

If my mind had been clearer, I would have scolded him for calling me princess again, even though some traitorous part of my stomach clenched at the nickname.

I was caught between a smirk and a moan when I heard footsteps to our right. I tried to jump off Azriel but his hands held me tight against him as he once again flipped us over. His wing shielded my disheveled state and his position above me from whoever approached us. I could barely hear anything above his panting above me and the pounding of my heart in my ears.

“A productive training session, I see,” an amused voice called out.

These nosey males and their poor timing. I put my hands over my face from where I was pressed under Azriel as he growled low in his throat, this time not out of arousal but out of irritation. It was bad enough that Cassian had interrupted us last night and now here was Rhysand.

I placed a soothing hand on Azriel’s chest and yelled to Rhysand, “Go away!”

“I understand why you refused to respond to me now, brother. I’m not unfamiliar with how captivating an Archeron sister can be.” I could hear the smirk in his voice.

I shoved Azriel off me and before he could stop me I raced forward and tackled the High Lord to the ground. I stayed on top of him in a far less intimate way than I had pressed myself against Azriel seconds before.

I slapped open palms against his chest, “If you busybodies could stay out of my business for two godsdamned seconds, I’d die of shock.”

I rolled off of him and onto my feet, walking back over to where Azriel leaned back on his elbows. I offered my hand to him and he accepted, looking at me as if I had done either the bravest or stupidest thing in the world - probably both.

Rhys muttered as he stood up, Azriel using one hand to gently push me behind him. I stood on my toes to see over his shoulder, covering my mouth to stifle my mouth as Rhysand stood and dusted off his jacket.

Azriel turned and whispered over his shoulder to me, low enough that Rhys couldn’t hear, “If you hadn’t done that, I would have.”

I flattened my feet so Rhys couldn’t see and smiled at Azriel’s back. I rose back up in time to see Rhys flick a leaf off of his shoulder and glare at me.

I shrugged, flipping him a middle finger.

“Before you so rudely and violently interrupted me, dear sister, I came to inform you I have a meeting to attend and Feyre may need some… intervention while I’m there.”

“In the same way you’re intervening right now?” I asked.

For a while, the two males remained silent and I realized they must be speaking to each other mentally. I scowled at the exclusion and almost accosted Rhysand again when Azriel spoke out loud.

“This is none of your business, Rhys. Not in the slightest. You need to leave.”

The coldness in his voice startled me, especially considering the warmth and affection in it just moments prior. I shrunk back, just now noticing the shadows that surrounded me, effectively shrouding me in darkness and creeping over his shoulders and wings.

I stepped out of them, shuddering as they seemed to nearly grip me in protest. I ducked around Azriel’s wings, coming to stand next to him. Debating between crossing my arms or putting my hands on my hips, I settled for the latter. I looked at the… now vacant spot where Rhysand once was.

“Thank the Mother,” I sighed out.

Azriel chuckled and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. I relaxed into his warmth and wrapped my arm around his waist, below where his wings joined the hard planes of his back.

I looked up at him, nearly gasping at the honey-colored ring that seemed to melt into forest green in his eyes. His expression held such fondness that I wished I could have Feyre paint it for me so I would never forget the way he looked at me.

“You know, you didn’t have to hide me from Rhysand.”

He sighed but an unreadable emotion made his eyes burn. “If you knew how you looked right now, you wouldn’t say that.”

My hand immediately snapped to my hair as I ran my fingers through it. “Do I really look that bad?” I demanded as I continued to brush out the tangles.

“No, Evelyn.”

“So then what’s the problem?” I dropped my hands. “How do I look?”

He paused, eyes scanning my face and then… lower. I blushed as he seemed to evaluate every inch of me.

“Delicious.”

I gasped then, a hand coming up to cover my mouth. I was shocked as my fingers grazed my lips which were definitely more swollen than normal.

It was only then that I took in his appearance. His hair was sticking up in odd directions from where I had tangled my fingers in it and his face was delightfully flushed. His lips were equally swollen and his breath still came out unsteadily despite the time that had passed.

“Well,” I started, hating the way my voice shook from how deeply his description had struck me. “If you could see yourself, you would have known you don’t look much better.”

He stalked forward, grabbing me and crushing me to his chest. “And how do I look, princess?”

I tilted my head back to look at him, pretending to give it thought.

“Like sin incarnate.”

His breath caught in his throat and a sound between a laugh and groan left his lips. He kissed me. Once, twice, thrice, before pulling back and smoothing my hair back with a hand.

I needed to escape the intensity of his gaze and put some distance between the thoughts swirling in my mind and the urge to act on them. So I asked the only thing my brain could think of.

“So… Feyre?”

He blinked, the only thing alerting me to his shock at my random question. “I’m guessing her training session might be overlapping with Nesta’s.”

“And whatever is going on between Nesta and Cassian won’t be fun to watch,” I nodded, a wicked smile gracing my lips.

He snorted. “Unpleasant to say the least.”

I smiled sheepishly, looking up at him through my lashes. “So what do we do now?”

“I can think of a few ideas.”

I flushed bright red and took a step forward to playfully hit his shoulder.

“Ouch, princess,” he said with a grin, rubbing the spot I had hit.

I crossed my arms, “I told you I don’t behave like a princess.”

“I would expect any good princess to keep her subjects in line.”

“My subjects?” I asked haughtily.

The left side of his mouth quirked up as he dramatically swept an arm out, bowing low at his waist. “At your beck and call, Your Majesty.”

I stifled a giggle with my hand as his shadows seemed to mirror his motions. It quickly turned to a frown as I realized he was only half-kidding.

“Azriel, please stand up,” I grabbed his shoulders, “I’m not royalty and I don’t deserve to have you bowing for me.”

I kept pushing at his shoulders but he was far stronger than I was as he remained bent.

One second I was pushing helplessly at his strong figure and the next I was swept off my feet, literally. I squealed as Azriel grabbed me into his arms.

“Evelyn, you may not be royalty, but you deserve far more than me bowing for you.”

“Az… I can’t…”

His head tilted in confusion as he looked down at me in his arms. I knew it didn’t make sense, my hesitation. Something about seeing him bowed before me touched the part of my brain that knew I was unworthy of the shadowsinger. He was by far the most handsome male I’d ever seen and part of the strongest court in history.

I was nothing compared to that. Even if I enjoyed his company and wanted him more badly than words could describe. I didn’t deserve it. And I didn’t want to talk about it because that would make it real.

“Could we just… sit for a while?” I looked up at him, pleading.

His confusion had morphed into concern but he nodded and whispered, “Of course.”

So he sat against the log he had perched on earlier, keeping me in his arms the entire time. I curled into him, savoring his warmth after the cold shock of the river and enjoying the break it gave my sore legs.

For a while, we didn’t say anything, just enjoyed each other’s presence. His hands absentmindedly tangled in my hair and I traced a few of the tattoos on his chest that peaked out from his shirt.

The entire time, my thoughts raced, even though I had intended for this to be a break from my near-constant worrying.

Were we together? What did this mean for us? What did he want?

It wasn’t like he’d been exactly forthcoming with his feelings since we met. Maybe I was just a pleasant distraction or… or it meant nothing entirely.

I felt the movement above me as he tilted his head and sighed, “And there’s the order.”

He seemed reluctant to move so I made the decision for him, rising to my feet and walking a few paces, shaking out my legs between each step.

“Any chance I could join your flying lessons? You did promise to teach me.”

He picked me up and smiled, “I wasn’t intending to let you out of my sight anytime soon.”

I giggled as he took off, feeling much more comfortable in the sky than I ever had before, despite the nagging thoughts in the back of my mind.

“Ouch, shit,” I cussed as I lifted and raised my wings again.

Feyre muttered in agreement next to me as she did the same.

Azriel raised an eyebrow at our suffering from where he leaned against a nearby tree. I narrowed my eyes at him and he uncrossed his arms to raise his hands a bit in a defensive pose.

“Remind me again why you’re making us do this, oh mighty Shadowsinger?”

The hint of a smirk played on his lips as he responded, “Need I remind you that you’re the one that asked me to teach you?”

“Teach, not torture!” I winced as a shadow crossed his eyes and I remembered that his actual job was to torture people.

I muttered a quick “sorry” before going back to the exercise.

Az was right, I had asked him to teach me, as had Feyre. And he had been more than gentle and understanding when helping Feyre develop her wings and telling us how to move them.

He had even been more than kind to intervene in the first place - we hadn’t landed in the most welcoming environment when we went to pick up Feyre. Nesta and Cassian had been staring each other down with a promise of violence that almost had me jumping between them.

Azriel had graciously told Feyre that he needed to start her lesson early, to which I eagerly played up the part of the annoying sister who wanted to get it over with.

Leaving Cassian and Nesta to their devices, Azriel was the perfect gentleman on the flight over and a firm instructor.

But none of that made it hurt any less. Feyre was in much better shape than I was so about halfway through, I forced the wings out of my mind and walked to Azriel as they disappeared.

I sat cross-legged on the ground at his feet, picking at the few patches of grass situated around me. “I can’t do this anymore, Az. Between the standing and the balancing, I don’t think my body’s quite ready for all this.”

“Normally, I’d force you up there next to Feyre and tell you to keep going until I say stop.”

I looked up, hopeful. “But?”

“But,” he dragged out with a grin, “You’ve had a rough couple of days and I don’t think I’d be able to say no to those eyes of yours.”

“Hey!” I heard Feyre protest. “Don’t you like my eyes, Az?” She batted her eyes through a grimace as she lifted her wings again.

He made a show of solemnly looking from her and then down to me. I met his gaze and blinked innocently. He looked to Feyre and then back to me again, drawing out the impression he was deciding. Winking at me before turning to Feyre, he said, “Sorry, High Lady. Three more sets.”

I smirked triumphantly and rested my head against his thigh.

Feyre narrowed her eyes, gaze flicking between us. “Is there something I should know about?”

I flushed bright red, sputtering to think of a response.

“Perhaps it’s time for lunch,” Azriel said as smoothly as ever. It didn’t help to soften Feyre’s gaze any.

He grabbed my hand to hoist me up, Feyre taking his other before he held us both. After flying to the House of Wind, I decided I would rather do anything than sit at the table enduring Feyre’s accusatory gaze. I gave Azriel a look that said “say nothing” before excusing myself for a shower.

Thankfully, the time it took for me to wash the river water off of myself was long enough that Feyre had departed with Rhys to the library. I shook my wet hair a bit as I wandered to the table and picked at what was left.

Azriel strolled through the doorway a minute later, hair similarly wet but no longer dripping like mine. Curse males and their short hair.

He sat at the head of the table, leaving me on his right side.

“Where’d Feyre run off to?” I asked, eyeing him from the side as I ate.

He shrugged and leaned back into the seat that was designed to accommodate his wings. Crossing his arms he said, “Her and Rhys went to the library to research the Wall.”

“And what did you tell her?”

He gave me an amused yet questioning look.

“You know…” I gestured with my fork between us, fighting down a blush. “About us?”

“What is there to tell?”

I sighed in frustration. Dropping my fork onto my plate, I rubbed one hand down my face.

I was about to reprimand him when I realized he was right.

What was there to tell?

“Hey Feyre, I kissed your sister like my life depended on it but only a few days ago she was in a coma. Oh! And while she was asleep for a month, I spent a lot of time with her older sister who I might be in love with. I’m super sweet and super handsome and have Evelyn falling for me quicker than she even thought possible. So, no, we’re not dating but we’re in some weird in-between.”

I met his eyes, feeling tears gathering in my own, and said in a small, broken voice, “What are we doing?”

At my tone, his confident smirk disappeared and he leaned forward in concern. Taking one of my hands in his own he asked, “What do you mean?”

I ripped my hand from his and crossed my arms over my chest. “I mean, what is this?” I gestured between us. “Because I want you more than I have ever wanted anyone - anything - in my entire life, which I know isn’t long compared to yours. I also know that this seems to be moving way too quickly than makes sense. I missed a month of my life. And then I had what, an hour? Two? To enjoy being Fae, to revel in the strength and the lack of pain in every joint in my body before you showed up. You showed up and almost kissed me.”

I stood and began pacing the length of the table. He just continued watching me with that unnerving, all-seeing way of his.

“I wasn’t there for Nesta or Elain or even Feyre who spent a month playing spy with the High Lord of Spring who got her killed and my sisters and I captured. I thought… I thought while I was gone you fell for Elain,” his face changed at that, confusion and rage, and he opened his mouth, presumably to object, but I cut him off with a wave of my hand, “which I wouldn’t blame you for, she’s much better, kinder, less broken than I am. So I tried to make peace with the fact that these feelings I have had since I first saw you were something I was just going to have to hide for her sake. And I would’ve. Except you’ve made it so godsdamn frustrating and confusing, Az.” I took a shaky breath, noticing my stuffed nose and wet face. At some point, I had started crying, but I didn’t care. I wiped my nose with the back of my hand and stifled a sob.

At his continued silence, I kept pushing. “I just needed something from you. A rejection, a confession, anything. I looked for it. I thought… I thought you felt it too, even at the manor when you showed me your shadows,” I smiled through my tears at them as they swarmed around me in acknowledgment, then turned back to Az, “I looked for it when you were there when I woke up, when I thanked you outside of my room, and even at the river before you flew me to Feyre. Nothing, Az. Then yesterday you kiss me before ignoring me all night at dinner.”

I slammed myself into the chair. “And now… today… Gods, Az that was… I don’t even have the words. Magical. Incredible. You- you’re incredible. And I’m just so worried that you don’t feel the same or…” At this point I was sobbing and gasped out, “Or that you don’t want me the way I want you.”

I sniffled and wiped my nose and eyes on the sleeves of my shirt. I closed my eyes and took a few shuddering breaths, trying desperately to center myself.

I had almost forgotten Azriel was there until I felt his hand on my knee and the other on my cheek, wiping away the remaining tear tracks.

My eyes opened and landed on his face. The faelight of the dining room played across his features, illuminating his hazel eyes so that they were the color of molten honey and pouring into my own.

“Evelyn- Fuck. You don’t even realize it, do you?” he let out a cynical laugh. I just kept my eyes on his face, even as I felt shadows creeping up my legs and offering comforting caresses.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes and I could almost see his brain working to find the words. I knew this was an intimacy he wasn’t used to - voicing his feelings. I balked a bit, ashamed as I ran through everything I had just confessed to the poor male in front of me.

“Az, you don’t have to. I just - There’s just been a lot going on the past two days and I haven’t exactly had a lot of time to process anything...”

He snapped his eyes open and gave me a harsh look. “That’s not… You need to hear this as much as I need to say it.”

I looked at him, trying so desperately to be patient. I know I had spilled all the thoughts that had been weighing on my soul for days onto him in a single minute and I couldn’t imagine how overwhelming that was.

I also couldn’t ignore the fact that I had just confessed my feelings for him. And I needed him to respond.

My eyes filled with tears as his silence stretched on, throat choking with emotion as he remained motionless with his eyes closed. Logically, I knew he was thinking about how to respond. I knew he had trouble expressing things but he was right - I did need to hear it.

I was focused so intensely on holding back further tears that I was startled enough to jump when he suddenly rose to his feet.

“Az?” I asked, shocking myself with how hoarse my voice had become.

He paused in the doorway, shaking his head to himself.

“Azriel, please.”

He looked up at me, complete devastation and steely determination warring on his face. Still, he remained silent.

I stood but didn’t move across the room to him. “I know it’s not easy but… you’re right. I need to hear it. I need you to say whatever it is you’re thinking - what you’re feeling.”

I was quickly becoming desperate, knowing that desperation came from how deeply I cared about the male before me.

“I… I can’t, Evelyn,” he said. His voice was strong. Powerful. It didn’t reflect the emotion of earlier or the conflict etched into his features.

He turned to leave and I took a step forward, finding myself again. I knew my worth. Even if I knew I’d likely have to strive to be worthy of a male like Azriel, I knew I deserved more than what he was currently giving me.

“If you leave, Azriel,” he looked at me again and I held my chin up, “This is over. Whatever this is. I’m not a- I’m not a daemati. I can’t read your mind and I don’t want to have to. And truly, I don’t care if you don’t want to define us right now. I mean, I do, but I’d find a way to get over it. But if you walk out - if you can’t tell me what you’re thinking right now - I’m done with friendship. I’m done with training. I’m done with stolen kisses. I won’t want to see you.”

I crossed my arms, hoping my voice didn’t wobble near the end as much as it seemed to my own ears. He stared at the floor for a moment.

I saw the exact second he made his decision. He slipped the mask on - the one of the Spymaster. His shoulders rolled back, his chest making an imposing sight, and his face as serious as I’d ever seen it.

Without a word, he turned and left the room.

For a moment, I stood, arms going slack at my sides and mouth hanging open. A small part of me hadn’t expected him to actually leave. A larger part of me hadn’t actually wanted him to.

I was lost. I had an image in my head of him apologizing profusely, telling me that he wanted me just as much, if not more, than I wanted him. I wanted him to take me into his arms and never let go.

But I wasn’t Feyre. She had gone through more than enough to deserve a husband - a mate - like Rhysand.

I supposed I hadn’t done much of anything to be worthy of that kind of love and commitment, no matter how desperately I wanted it or dreamed of it.

I needed… I needed one of my sisters.

I recalled my earlier desire to talk with Nesta, though I’m not sure I could handle the topic of whatever was between her and Cassian right now. I just needed her to sit with me, to tell me that I was worthy.

I started my way upstairs, the food I had eaten sitting heavily in my stomach now.

I couldn’t talk to Feyre as she was with Rhysand in the library and I hadn’t known Velaris had a library, let alone where to find it.

Elain, well… Elain was in no condition to hear about my problems.

Nesta.

As far as I knew, she’d either be with Elain or in her conjoining room. I marched down the hallway, a newfound sense of purpose and direction flooding my veins to replace the desolation threatening to crush me.

I found myself in front of her door and shifted nervously from foot to foot. I wasn’t sure how she was going to feel about this, especially considering the conversation we already had about the shadowsinger. I knocked before I could talk myself out of it.

“Yes?” Her biting reply came from inside the room.

I opened the door hesitantly, lingering in the doorway. I flicked my eyes up just long enough to take in Nesta in a powder blue gown, sitting on an elaborately decorated settee, her long legs stretched in front of her and crossed at the ankles. She had a book open in her hands and her hair was in a delicate braid around the crown of her head.

She looked up and shock registered in the way her eyes widened. “Evelyn,” she greeted.

I opened my mouth to speak but my throat clogged. I felt the tears gathering in the corners of my eyes again and I almost laughed at the fact that I had tears left.

Upon seeing my expression, Nesta tossed her book to the side and rose to her feet. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

I shook my head as the tears began to fall and she rushed forward, taking me into her arms. We stood there for a while, me silently sobbing into her shoulder as she just held me tighter and tighter against her.

Eventually, she pulled away as my crying faded and placed her hands on my shoulders. Her eyes searched my face, looking for hints as to what happened.

I cracked a broken smile and her features hardened. “I’ll kill him,” she vowed.

I jolted back a bit in shock. Shaking my head, I found my voice, “No, Nes.” I sighed, continuing, “No, he… It’s not his fault. I shouldn’t have gotten involved. You warned me but I… I couldn’t help it.”

She gave me a look that said she knew it was his fault but didn’t say anything further.

I sat on her bed, sitting against the headboard and situating myself between the pillows. She sighed deeply before joining me, curling herself around me.

I shuddered at the contact and basked in her warmth.

“Tell me about the Court of Nightmares,” I whispered, needing to distract myself.

She nodded against my shoulder before launching into what I had missed at dinner the previous night.

#acotar #acopap #a court of pain and pleasure #azriel x reader #azriel x ofc

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shy-violet-soul · 2 years

Text

Recent Recs - June 4, 2022

Here is a list of fantastic works by amazing authors that I highly recommend.

18+ years old or older - assume all fics have adult content!

Marvel

Steve Rogers:

His Inheritance by @jtargaryen18: Your father is the head of one of the most powerful crime families in Boston but he’s protected you from that life. In your quiet home outside the city, you’ve been cared for and protected. When the desires of a more powerful man with the will to dominate bursts into your life, all your illusions are shattered as he comes to claim what is his. (Mob!Steve Rogers AU)

A Few Good Reasons by @angrythingstarlight: Steve has a few good reasons to get up this early. All of them revolve around the pretty new waitress that just started at his favorite diner. (Biker! Steve AU)

Matilda Rose by @christycurlswrites: the relationship between you & Steve fell apart. Four years later, Steve learns he has a daughter.

Bucky Barnes:

Thin Ice by @angrythingstarlight: Bucky has a few rules. The most important is that you always tell him you love him when you leave the house. Because “I love you, Bucky” are his four favorite words. (cute Biker!Bucky AU!)

Bucky’s Bumblebee by @angrythingstarlight: fearsome mob boss James Barnes is ruthless. His tiny little girl has him wrapped around her finger!

Stucky:

Right Under Your Nose by @foxgloveprincess: It’s not your fault that you bump into two super soldier and endear yourself to them. Seriously. You have no idea what they see in you, but having friends you can trust implicitly is nice. Right?

Henry Cavill & characters

Syverson:

And So Much More by @sillyrabbit81: after a disappointing blind date, your best friend’s older brother comes to pick you up.

Even if You Don’t Mean It by @sillyrabbit81: an unexpected phone call from a brief fling leads to a long-distance romance.

Where Kindness Grows by @rmtndew: The Great Depression took its toll on a lot of people and some had to get creative to survive. Seraphina’s father decides his solution is to sell his only daughter to a much older man. But when Sy overhears a conversation about the young woman, he makes a decision that will change his life - and Seraphina’s - forever.

People Like Us by @rmtndew: Sy is set up on a blind date with a single mom. When the babysitter cancels, so does his date. But Sy is determined to salvage what he can.

ACOTAR

Elain & Azriel:

A Surprise Bun by @tswaney17: Elain has a secret. One that even the male she’s been seeing doesn’t know about yet. But, when Cassian shows up unannounced at the townhouse, everything comes crumbling around her as her secret comes to light. And now she must face the reality of her hidden relationship with Azriel and the consequences it has brought.

Season of the Rose by @fawnandshadows: The agreement has been signed for the engagement of Lady Elain and Lord Lucien Anserra. Everything has been arranged - or has it?

Blooming Shadows by @fawnandshadows: “Are you ready?” Azriel asked from the shadows. His tall frame leaned elegantly against the wall in the study, shadows licked and swirled around him as if shielding him from Elain’s gaze. It made her heart cry, seeing him hidden around her. There was a time when his shadows would vanish completely when she entered a room. When he would look at her and smile, but now, ever since the solstice, something had changed.

In the Garden by @fawnandshadows: Elain saw Azriel watching her in the garden from a window. When she beckoned him to join her, he refused. But he can’t resist the lure of the loveliest flower forever.

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curse-bearing-hips · 10 months

Text

Brokenness is a form of art

Chapter Four

I wanna love you, but I don’t know how

Read on AO3

Masterlist

Word count: 4.1k

______________________________________________________

“So let me get this straight: the High Lord and his brothers were in this shop and you left me in the stockroom the whole time?”

Delphine spent the better part of the morning recounting second-by-second what happened during the High Lord’s visit to the shop to a shocked and angry Yara. She understood her friend’s frustration - she’d feel the same if she was stocking tea and the most beautiful males in history walked into her shop without her knowing.

Delphine sighed, rubbing her eyes as she faced Yara’s accusatory stance.

“What was I supposed to do? Yell for you to come out and meet them? That wouldn't have been weird at all.”

Yara floundered at the logic, huffing as she twisted a coil of hair around her finger.

“You could have said something like ‘Oh, Lord Rhysand! Thank you for your patronage to my humble cafe!’ really loud so I could hear it in the back. I’d have been out of that storeroom immediately!” Yara argued as Delphine choked out a laugh, wiping down a table as the post-lunch rush waned.

“Because I definitely talk like that.”

“Sometimes you bats have manners.”

“Not a bat.” Delphine pointed at her friend, rolling her eyes, to which Yara mimicked the action, “Besides, whatever insane sexual fantasy you have in your head is absolutely impossible.” Yara had a wild imagination that Delphine knew was full of salacious scenarios, exacerbated by the smutty novels she read (and forced into Delphine’s hands so they could discuss). She cringed at the thought of the High Lady hearing all of Yara’s explicit daydreams. Delphine was sure they involved a foursome.

“Improbable.” Yara corrected, but her teasing smirk told Delphine that they both knew it was an impossibility. Delphine huffed a laugh, refilling the pastries in the glass case at the counter.

“Nyx was with them. And they’re mated.”

“Not the Shadowsinger.” Yara prodded in an annoying sing-song voice. Delphine thanked the Gods she was leaning so far into the display to hide the redness of her cheeks at the mention of the handsome male.

“He could be. He seems very private.”

“You’re no fun!” Yara whined, pointing an accusing finger at her friend, “Whatever. Next time someone famous comes in, I’m not telling you.”

The two worked in companionable silence for a while, trading gossip and cleaning up the morning’s dishes.

“When’s Varro coming back?” Yara asked casually, returning books to their shelves. Delphine stretched her spine, feeling the delicious cracking of her joints after cleaning up a spill beneath a table and snorted a laugh.

“Whenever he’s done sleeping with the entire Summer Court, I suppose.” She said, shaking her head causing a few strands of hair to brush her cheek. Yara rolled her eyes, picking at some chipped paint on the shelf.

“Sounds about right.”

“He travels there often enough, I should think he’s almost completed that challenge.” Delphine continued her duties, humming to herself.

“What about your male?” Delphine asked suddenly, remembering why it’d been so hard to schedule time with Yara outside of work recently. Yara blinked and cleared her throat, her cheeks darkening at the question.

“What about him?” She hedged. Delphine rolled her eyes.

“Am I ever going to meet him?” Yara bit her lip and Delphine began to get suspicious.

“Of course. Just not now. We’re…taking it slow.”

“‘Taking it slow’ means you can’t introduce me to him?”

“Del.” Yara whined, dragging out the nickname and dramatically trudging over to her friend. Delphine crossed her arms over her chest, eyeing Yara with obvious doubt.

“It’s not you. I’m just…not ready to be public.” Delphine rolled her eyes, but acquiesced, holding her hands up in surrender. Delphine narrowed her eyes, feeling her friend wasn’t telling the whole truth, but let it slide.

“Fine. But I promise to be on my best behavior if you ever allow me to meet him.” Yara grinned, wrapping her arms tightly around Delphine in a bone-crushing hug.

“Thanks, Del. I knew you’d understand!”

Yara let go, stepped away and gave Delphine a salacious grin.

“Now tell me, which of those three males was the hottest?”

Delphine’s cheeks heated at the question, but bit her lip with a sly smile.

“The Shadowsinger. Absolutely.”

______________________________________________________

“Damn it.”

Delphine hadn’t expected a light shower of rain to become an absolute downpour. Springtime was quickly creeping up in Velaris. It was usually a beautiful affair - daffodils and tulips blooming in window planters as the tree-lined streets began blossoming with sweet fragrance. But flowers needed rain. The ankle-deep puddle that accumulated outside of the tea shop’s front door was a testament to the changing seasons. And a great annoyance she didn’t need at the end of her long day. The water was freezing cold as it seeped into her boots and soaked her socks. The walk home would be uncomfortable, at best.

She tried to avoid submerging her other foot in the puddle, but that became a precarious dance as she fished the key from the pocket of her cloak. A cloak that was quickly becoming sodden the longer she fumbled for the blasted key. Rain drops slid down her face, blurring her vision as Delphine squinted in the twilight. She really needed to invest in a better awning for this place.

Her triumphant shout as she seized the key was cut off by an undignified shriek of alarm as a membranous form shadowed over her head. The key fell from Delphine’s slick grasp with a pathetic plonk into the murky puddle below.

Delphine hastily looked up to find a familiar Illyrian male towering over her, holding up a wing to keep her and himself shielded from the onslaught of rain. She could barely see his face in the shadow of his wing, but she knew the dark eyes that glittered in the faint faelights that illuminated the street. She hesitated a pace back, hitting the solid wood of the door and she nervously clenched her hands. Hazel eyes swept over the movement and he took a slight step away from her, still protecting them from the rain while respecting her space.

“Apologies, my lady.” Azriel’s voice was smooth like ice and just as chilled, like a frozen winter’s night. Delphine shivered at the sound and the huge wing above them twitched, “I saw you struggling and thought to assist.”

“I - thank you.” Was her lame reply. Could you sound any more idiotic? Azriel shifted uncomfortably at her limited words, lips pursing.

“I didn’t mean to frighten you.” His contrite tone sent a bolt of guilt straight to her stomach and she frantically sought to correct his misconception, stepping closer to him.

“You just startled me.” Delphine shook her head quickly, sending several droplets of rain flying into his face. He scrunched his nose at the cold water and she stifled a laugh into an unladylike snort. Azriel caught her smothered laughter and returned a tentative smile, shifting more into the faelight.

Delphine’s heart stopped at the sight - his smile was truly something to behold, a gift given by the Mother herself. How many people earned such a rare thing from him? His smile was the highest compliment, she thought. For such a stoic, aloof male, his smile changed everything. The harsh planes of his tanned, sculptor’s-carved cheekbones softened, a dimple hollowing out on his right side. His lips - Gods, those lips - curved in a fluid motion, revealing straight, white teeth. But his eyes were the most striking part; deep hazel, flecks of amber glittering in the faelights, mirth unabashedly shining through. For a moment, Delphine felt unworthy of this gift, unworthy of this magnificent male’s attention.

Azriel’s smile fell at her prolonged silence, but his gaze remained on her face. He shifted closer, infinitesimally, and slowly bent down. Without breaking eye contact, she heard his hands slosh through the dirty puddle at her feet for her forgotten key. Bent down, he was now at eye level with Delphine and her heart hammered at his close proximity, her cheeks flushing as fire burned through her veins. The heavenly scent of night-chilled mist, a hint of cedar, and the spiciness of whiskey caressed her senses. Another smile curled at the corner of his mouth and she had the absurd curiosity about what it might be like to kiss it.

Wordlessly, Azriel straightened, pulling one of her clenched hands with his own and opening her palm. He dropped the wet key in her hand, closing the fist for her and gave a huff that might have been a chuckle at her stunned silence. Her hand burned from the contact.

“For you, my lady.” He said, the deep, rich tone of his voice warming her beneath her ribs. She was going to die.

“Delphine,” She blurted out, unable to remember appropriate social cues by this point. His head tilted, mischief sparkling in his eyes as he quirked a brow, indicating that he remembered her name from yesterday’s encounter. He was clearly enjoying her embarrassment - how many other females did he reduce to one-word sentences? “Please call me Delphine, my lord.” She clarified, swallowing roughly and trying to blink away her haze. She stuck her other hand out to him, offering the most awkwardly-timed handshake in history.

He looked at her outstretched hand for a second and Delphine caught a brief nervous tightening of his lips. With a quiet sigh, he took her hand in a hasty shake and she looked down in confusion. The hand that gently grasped her own felt different, rough and ridged somehow. She couldn’t really see it in the darkness, but Delphine gripped harder, staring at his face.

“Azriel.” He offered, retracting his hand and shoving both in his pockets.

“I know.” She said quickly, pushing a rogue curl behind her ear nervously, “You’re pretty famous.” Delphine added, as though he didn’t already know. Azriel nodded, his eyes darting over her face in contemplation. Had she said something wrong?

“You should probably lock the door now.” He suggested, inclining his head to the shop door.

“Oh! Right!” Her cheeks burned hotter, embarrassed again at being caught up in his presence. She hastily locked up and turned to him, expecting him to bid her farewell and disappear into the night.

“May I walk you home?”

Delphine’s stomach fluttered at Azriel’s request and she waited a beat to agree so she didn’t seem so desperate to spend more time with him. As if I could make a greater fool of myself.

“Sure. I live a few streets over.” She dove her hands into her cloak, fingers beginning to stiffen from the spring chill, “But you don’t have to, if it’s out of your way.” She added, feeling guilty for interrupting his night. He cocked his head, giving her a thoughtful look.

“I want to.” Azriel assured firmly and Delphine ducked her head as he continued to survey her. They began a leisurely stroll, avoiding puddles as they remained sheltered with his wing overhead.

“Do you like running the tea shop?” Azriel asked and Delphine thought she caught a hint of discomfort from him. She knew the gossip about the Shadowsinger - he was quiet at best, anti-social at worst. She wasn’t sure if Azriel trying to make small talk with her was a good thing or if she just made him so uncomfortable he had to break the silence. The thought made her stomach squirm.

“Yes. Well, most days,” She replied, shrugging, “My customers are very kind, especially after-” Delphine’s sentence stopped short, her heart pounding at the thought of her old shop, now a condemned building on the other side of the Rainbow. She’d purposely found a new building away from the old one, her heart aching every time she had to pass by the ruined specter, waiting to be demolished and with it many good and bad memories.

“I like the bookshelves.” Azriel said smoothly, bringing Delphine’s attention back to the present.

Delphine stopped in the middle of the empty street and Azriel mimicked her action, effortlessly changing wings to cover them. They stood, barely a foot apart from each other as she stared up at the Spymaster’s face, illuminated by the faelights like a deity chiseled from marble.

How had he known? Had he sensed her bolt of panic, the fear that lived just beneath her sternum that waited for the right trigger to set it free? The scar on her side burned as a phantom blade teased the blemished skin beneath her dress. His eyes darted across her face as he held her gaze - did he know she was moments from the edge?

“You need more mystery novels.”

Delphine barked a laugh, half amused and half pained. She hadn’t expected him to say that.

“You only looked once.” She defended, narrowing her eyes. The Illyrian shrugged, the picture of innocence. A god of Death wearing a halo that made her bones melt just a little.

“I was very thorough.”

“I bet you were.” She grumbled, though her slight smile gave away the facade. She began walking again and he stayed by her side, protecting her from the weather as they fell into silence.

It was a surprisingly comfortable silence. As she calmed down, Delphine enjoyed listening to the rain pattering against the cobblestones. She felt Azriel trying to match his strides with hers - she was easily a head shorter than him and it must have been an effort to slow down to his pace. Varro always complained that she walked slow, but it was hard to keep up with long Illyrian legs. Azriel’s hands remained in his pockets, but she surreptitiously inched closer to him as they walked to feel the warmth radiating from him.

“Are you cold?” He asked suddenly, halting as they turned onto her street. His unexpected stop surprised Delphine and she ungracefully stepped into another puddle. She cringed at the sudden shock, an unseemly squawk escaping her throat at the cold. Azriel unsuccessfully tamped down a smile.

“I am now.” She groused petulantly, stepping back and shaking her foot in a feeble attempt to wring it out. He barked out a laugh and her head whipped up in his direction at the sound. Such a luxuriating, warm sound. Azriel didn’t seem like the type who laughed like that often and Delphine felt privileged to have witnessed it, her toes curling at the thought, icy cold water instantly forgotten.

The sensation of a warm cloak weighed on her shoulders and Delphine squinted in the dark to make out the fabric. She hadn’t noticed him with a cloak - he’d definitely not been wearing one when he’d found her at the door of the shop and she hadn’t noticed him carrying one.

“My shadows.” He explained, half-smile still on his face but his eyes seemed tight, “I - you don’t have to-” Azriel sighed, eyes rolling up to the dark sky as he formed the thought before speaking, “I can remove them if they make you uncomfortable.”

Delphine beamed. The shadows were odd - a strange combination of heavy like wool, but light as a gentle breeze. They were somehow both warm and chilled, though she felt the comfort deep in her bones. The shadows smelled like their master and Delphine took a deep breath, grinning as a wisp of one tickled her cheek.

She thought she saw Azriel’s eyes narrow at the playful shadow, but said nothing.

“They’re fine.” She promised, praying that her blushing cheeks were lost in the darkness.

“I’m over there.” Delphine whispered, nodding her head to the end of the street where her modest townhouse stood, a single faelight illuminating the front window. Azriel nodded, jaw clenched, but Delphine thought she felt his stride slow.

Upon her doorstep, Azriel tucked his wing back as he stooped beneath the awning. The sight of him nearly ducking his head at her front door would have been comical if Delphine hadn’t been so unwilling to end the shared moment of tranquility. The shadows reluctantly retreated from her shoulders, tucking back with their master. Though the one rebellious wisp caressed her cheek, eliciting a small giggle from the female. At Azriel’s huff, the shadow snapped back to him and Delphine thought she saw it behind his ear, thoroughly scolded.

“Thank you, Azriel.” She said quietly, looking up at the towering male. His hazel eyes scanned over her face, as though he were trying to work out a puzzle.

“You’re welcome, Delphine.” He said, voice low. A frisson of excitement zipped down her spine at the sound of her name on his tongue.

Delphine turned to unlock the door and the absurd thought to invite him in clanged around her brain. Would that be too much? What was she expecting? Nothing, if she were honest, but the thought of ending their time together made her oddly melancholy.

As the lock clicked and Delphine worked up the courage to ask, the sudden whoosh of wind blew her messy braid and she turned to find the front porch empty.

The Shadowsinger had disappeared into the night.

______________________________________________________

Mondays and Tuesdays were Delphine’s only days off. At first, it had only been Mondays since it was the slowest day of the week, but then Yara had made her close on Tuesdays saying everyone needs a weekend off. Even though Delphine argued that they often closed early on Sundays, Yara demanded two full days of so-called respite. Despite that, Delphine often spent one of those days cleaning or stocking to prepare for the next open. If Yara knew that, she’d lose her mind. Which she had.

That was how Delphine found herself at the bookshop on an early Monday afternoon, the week after Azriel had walked her home (not that she was still thinking about it). However, visiting the bookshop on the Rainbow was both for pleasure and business.

Delphine’s newest endeavor was gardening to grow tea-friendly plants. She’d often thought about trying it, but knew she didn’t have the space for a big enough plot to supply the shop. An “experimental hobby” she’d told Yara, who’d just rolled her eyes and reminded her that they didn’t pay their suppliers for nothing.

And so, Delphine found herself in the nature section of the bookshop, bottom lip in her teeth as she scanned the spines, seeking any title that may be relevant to her new fixation. Delphine finally found promise in Edible Herbs for the Eager when a slender hand reached out for the volume just as she did.

“I’m so-”

“My apol- shit.” Delphine pulled her hand back as though burned, face to face with the High Lady’s sister, Elain.

Delphine had often heard whispers that Elain was the most beautiful of the famed Archeron sisters. She’d thought it treason, when one of those sisters included the High Lady of the Night Court herself. But, Delphine could see the appeal now that she was within a foot of the lady. Elain was beauty personified, the kind of beauty that poets pledged their devotion to, that artists made their muses. Delphine wouldn’t say she was more beautiful than the other two - just, softer. She reminded Delphine of a mother’s hug, the smell of freshly baked cookies, the sun shining in the summertime. Elain’s brown eyes said friend and for a moment Delphine had the absurd urge to beg her to like her.

“My lady!” Delphine’s train of thought ended abruptly as she remembered who she stood before. She dropped into a hasty curtsey, taking the moment to scold herself for looking and sounding like a fool. When Delphine slowly returned to full height, she found Elain pink-cheeked and looking a little bit embarrassed.

“Oh, please - you don’t have to do that!” Elain stumbled, eyes wide as she pushed a strand of hair behind a pointed ear, “I’m not - please don’t worry about that.”

For a moment, the two females stared at each other, equally mortified by the situation. Delphine felt the bizarre urge to laugh. There was no way that Elain Archeron was as embarrassed as she was at that moment.

“I - do you garden?” Elain quickly filled the awkward silence and Delphine let out a soft, defeated huff of a laugh, pressing a hand to her forehead.

“I’m….trying to?” Delphine offered, unsure why she phrased it like a question, “I’ve never done it before and I think I’d like to try.”

Elain smiled softly at Delphine, nodding. She was wearing a yellow sundress made of eyelet lace that Delphine was deeply jealous of - she’d never been able to wear yellow, but Elain looked like the sun personified.

“But the book is yours, if you want it!” Delphine rapidly recalled that they’d both been interested in the same tome. Elain quickly shook her head, pearl drop earrings the color of champagne swinging with the movement. She raised her hands in acquiescence, smiling shyly.

“No, I insist!” Elain urged, holding the book out to Delphine, “I’m better with flowers anyway.”

“If you’re sure,” Delphine said, eyes narrowed playfully at the female reluctantly taking the book. Elain beamed, a smile that nearly broke Delphine’s heart, “You’re more than welcome to borrow it when I’m done.”

Elain laughed, cheeks dimpling. She held her hand out to Delphine and Delphine couldn’t picture those delicate hands covered in dirt and mud.

“Deal.”

“I’m Delphine. I run the-”

“Tea girl!”

A familiar friendly voice boomed in the quaint tranquility of the bookshop. Delphine flinched from the sudden volume, but Elain beamed as her sister’s mate, General Cassian, swooped upon the females. Close behind him was a faux-irritated Nesta, grumbling about his loudness.

“It’s not a library, Nes.” He scolded good-naturedly, pulling his mate to his side with a wide smile, ignoring her as she tried to escape his grasp.

“It’s a book shop. People are trying to read, you brute.” Delphine almost looked away from the couple as Cassian gave Nesta the most lovesick look she’d only ever read about in risque romance novels. Absurdly, she wondered if Azriel was capable of such an expression.

“Ladies, this is our heroine and savior, Delphine the Tea Alchemist!” Cassian introduced her as though she were the leading hero of an adventure-filled epic. His attention made her cheeks heat, redness splotching the pale skin. Nesta raised an eyebrow at her and Delphine almost shrank from the female’s shrewd gaze. After a moment, Nesta nodded to herself and stuck her hand out.

“You’re a lifesaver, tea girl.” She commended and Delphine silently preened at the eldest Archeron’s praise. It had seemed like such a normal thing to sell Cassian the herbs to help Nesta during her cycle - she’d done it a hundred times to others. She worried for a moment that they were all just poking fun at her expense.

“It was nothing,” Delphine said quickly, fingernails nervously drumming on the cover of the gardening book in her hands, “My mother taught me.”

“Not nothing, Delphi. You saved the whole court.” Cassian grinned, pointing at her with a wink. The nickname nearly made her stumble backward. What the hell was happening?

“Is that a gardening book?” Delphine tensed at Nesta’s blunt inquiry, clutching the tome to her chest.

“Some people read for personal growth, Nesta.” Elain shot playfully at her sister, who rolled her eyes.

“Oh, Nesta’s books have plenty of growth in them.” Cassian waggled his eyebrows salaciously at Delphine while his mate’s face reddened. Elain barked a laugh covering her mouth with her hand as she hid an amused snort. Delphine grinned, enjoying the feeling of inclusion, belonging with these fae. The High Lord’s family had always felt like the unattainable - bastions of perfection - and here they were, joking about smutty novels with Delphine, the tea girl.

“No judgment here,” Delphine laughed, hands up in surrender, “I love a good romance as much as the next lady.” Nesta nodded again, blush clearing as she looked pointedly at her sister and mate.

“Finally, someone with good taste. You’re coming with me.” Nesta announced, grabbing Delphine by the forearm and turning towards the romance section. Cassian bellowed with laughter as his mate all but dragged Delphine to the other side of the store.

“Wait!” Delphine said between giggles, “I have to pick out a couple of mystery novels.”

Nesta stopped dead in her tracks and stared at Delphine, brows furrowed. Momentarily, Delphine thought she’d offended the female by her diversion. After another minute of silent scrutiny, a mischievous smile curled at the corner of Nesta’s mouth, as though she knew a secret Delphine wasn’t privy to.

“Mystery novels?” Nesta repeated and Delphine’s stomach sank, feeling like an outsider to an inside joke. She nodded, desperately wanting to know what the other female was thinking, “I can help with that.” Nesta said slowly, a cat-like grin twisting her lips. Delphine searched Nesta’s face for just a second, feeling like maybe they were having a different conversation now.

“You can?” Delphine asked quietly. Nesta squeezed the forearm she was still holding, an oddly comforting gesture compared to the devilish grin on her face.

“Without a shadow of a doubt.”

______________________________________________________

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