#autistic bi han
Text
no closer could i be to god (or why he would do what he's done)
pairing: character study; no pairing
genre: angst; no comfort
warnings: blood, canon typical violence, intergenerational trauma, death
originally posted on ao3
hi everyone! i have been thinking a lot about bi-han's traumas with the lin kuei (and his father, more specifically) and wanted to write something about it. i literally took most of this out of my ass, so it's not canon compliant at all lmao. the title is from hozier's "de selby (part 1)", which was my soundtrack while writing this. hope you enjoy this angst train!
watching the snow is always a soothing experience. to bi-han, at least.
him, kuai liang and tomas have set camp in the middle of a forest, a few miles away from the ying fortress. the undercover part of the mission requires extreme carefulness, resulting in no light or heat sources of any kind, especially during nighttime. sitting in between the trees at the early hours of the morning, it’s bi-han’s turn to guard his brothers’ sleep. he knows both of them don’t mind the cold – especially kuai liang -, but bi-han can’t help but smirk at the thought that he’s the one awake when it starts to snow.
he doesn’t mind it. he did, once – but now, bi-han can’t tell how much of him is organic and how much of him is just ice in a human form. his powers are such a fundamental part of himself and how he interacts with the world around him, that remembering how things were before them just feels uncomfortable and incomplete. he recalls the nights spent under heavy snowstorms, blinded and hindered by the sheer force of it. he recalls seeing the look on his mother’s face once his father began his training – well, the cryomancer training at least.
he does not remember this first lin kuei training, a distant and foggy memory he often recalls solely due to his mother’s accounts. bi-han does not remember being anything before he became a fighter. his first memories are mostly training ones, and thinking about them is often unpleasant. remembering his weakness is not the type of reminiscing he enjoys; dwelling on past mistakes does him no good when he can’t become better from them. there is nothing else to improve by thinking about his childhood, so he doesn’t.
he does remember his first cryomancer training. he had just turned 16 and his father had just returned from a mission. he remembers the look on the old man’s face once he entered their home, after the usual medical check-up and mission report. his father was equal parts terrifying and severe – and seeing the almost malicious look in his eyes is something that stills haunts bi-han, as much as he tries to evade the memory. he knew what turning 16 meant; he always knew, he was being trained for this exact moment all his life. bi-han had never been anything but resigned and reliable, both to his father and to the lin kuei. he knew it would happen eventually – and would gladly die in the middle of the storm if it meant honoring both his family and his clan.
without a word, his father guided him to the backdoor of the house, opening it. the exit led to a forest, much like the one bi-han sits now. and, without a thought, bi-han left the warmth and walked aimlessly for five days in the middle of a snowstorm.
he remembers every single second of those days. he recalls the feeling of hopelessness that arose once he realized he could no longer find his house. he recalls the excruciating pain in every inch of his body, both from hypothermia and from the walk. he remembers the delirious visions he endured, the wolf he had to kill in order to eat and survive. the rules were clear: no fire, no shelter. meat was eaten raw and bloody and warmth was not an option, not even from the skin and fur he removed from the animal. he remembers the sound of the wind, the cracking of the trees. he recalls the wetness of his pants and shoes, buried so deep in the snow he could barely feel them after a couple of hours.
he recalls collapsing after the third day, feeling every single snowflake that covered his skin before passing out.
his body was found on the fifth day, under a thick layer of snow. he woke up three days later, in one of the rooms on the medical pavilion of the lin kuei temple. his mother sat by his bed, a thick coat covering her frame. bi-han didn’t understand at first – the place felt incredibly warm, almost uncomfortably hot; she would have no reason to wear such a garment indoors. and then he realized the heavy condensed puffs of air that left his mouth with every breath, along with the delicate ice formations that covered almost every single part of the room, from the bedframe to the walls. worse, he could somehow feel every single part of that ice, almost as if they were extensions of his own body. he realized he could move them, if he focused for long enough, stretching up to the ceiling or recoiling to just the bedframe. it felt wonky, like a broken member – he could feel it, but controlling and moving felt painful.
this memory in particular amuses him. it not only shows him the obvious – he has drastically improved his skills since then, becoming the cryomancer the clan needed -, but the fact that he survived all that time in the cold with no aid or protection showed him how strong he actually was. it showed him that, even in the most adverse situations, fighting against mother nature itself, bi-han could and would rise victorious, no matter the cost. mastering ice was a natural, almost logical consequence of his existence; bi-han does not dwell on subjectivities or emotion and prides himself in his practicality and logic. his ego is often fed by the fact that he knows he’s good in every single thing he does – and that very few, almost none carry the same strength, resilience and greatness as he does.
bi-han is aware, however, that his father would never be satisfied. in his eyes, bi-han was not and would never be enough – and bi-han knew that. he was acutely aware of the critical stare the man always sported and the disdain in his voice every time he interacted with bi-han. being the eldest son taught him that praise and affection were achieved through servitude and resignation; and even when he worked his hardest and pushed past every single limit, the praise he craved deep down was still uncertain. even in death, bi-han knows every single situation his father would’ve criticized his choices, down to the exact words he would’ve used. always the same tone, always the same phrases.
in the years preceding the old man’s death, bi-han became aware of the patterns. he always knew them, at least subconsciously, but they only became notable once he actively looked for it. bi-han knew how and what and when he would say something, almost like a script from a play. it became predictable and, therefore, able to be used as leverage. bi-han couldn’t openly confront his father, he was still grandmaster of the lin kuei after all. but he could make sure the man ate his words every time he opened his mouth – and that felt enough of a victory as he could achieve at the time.
he does not dwell on their last conversation. he does not feel guilty for their last encounter.
he does feel guilty for not seeing his mother in her last moments, however. the news of her passing was delivered to him upon return from a mission, along with kuai liang. even then, bi-han knew he could and would not grieve her as she deserved – the clan needed a strong figure to support his father and kuai liang and tomas needed someone to lean on. he knew he would never be able to properly express how important she had always been during his upbringing and how much of her heart he still carries to this day. every single memory he has of her is crystalized in time inside his mind, secretly treasured like a hidden chest of precious jewelry.
kuai liang is terribly like her, in the best and worst ways possible. he has the strong sense of justice and rebellion that she did – a fierce and strong warrior, capable of the most amazing accomplishments he’s ever heard of. his mother was fire itself: bright and brilliant and terribly passional. unchecked, his mother could devour entire villages all by herself. as much as mastering ice was his own nature, mastering fire was kuai liang’s. as much as becoming grandmaster was his destiny, becoming the lin kuei’s general was kuai liang’s.
bi-han notices the sky beginning to brighten. if they lifted camp now, they would probably arrive at ying fortress before dawn.
duty called – and, once again, the lin kuei rose to the challenge.
at least, for now.
(c) fandomiplier. do not repost.
#mortal kombat#sub zero#bi han#kuai liang#mk1#kuai liang mk1#bi han mk1#autistic bi han#bc i will die on this hill#tomas vrbada#smoke#mortal kombat 1#subzero mk1#scorpion mk1#smoke mk1
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I saw like 2 posts of this ship and knew what i had to do
#love the idea of bi han in denial over the fact that kung lao's getting through to him#kung lao w bi han be like “me and the bad bitch i pulled by being autistic”#I spend like 3 days on this#exam-procrastination motivation hits different#“THE VOICES”#anyway imma lay down now#everything hurts#i'll probably take a break from animatics after cramming 2 out in so little time#anyways enjoy#bilao#kunghan#bi han#bi han mk1#kung lao#kung lao mk1#mk1#mortal kombat#my questionable creations#animatic
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OC x bi-han x sareena art???!!! how is this man so bold !!!???
#it’s bcuz I’m autistic#I’m gonna actually finish this one i swear 🤞#mk1#mortal kombat#mortal kombat 1#mk1 oc#sareena mk#bi han sub zero#bi han mk1#mortal kombat oc#mortal kombat fanart#oc x canon#(s)
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yo Imma be heading out somewhere and idk how long I'll be out so I'll probably be doing some sketch requests!
if you want me to draw a character or two, go ahead and ask for some :3
#sketch requests#sketch request#mk1#mk11#mk#artists on tumblr#fanart#mk12#mk9#mortal kombat 11#autistic artist#bi han#just adding tags so people can find it lmao
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Hello! <3 how are you?! I love what you write, could you place an order for me, about bi-han's head cannons, Johnny cage, smoke and reptile from mortal kombat 1 meeting and falling in love and conquering an autistic reader or one with asperger's, I'm very curious about that already I have Asperger's and curiosity kills me a lot.
Sorry it took so long to answer your ask. Had to do some research first.
Mk1 x Autistic! Reader
Ft: Sub-Zero, Smoke, Reptile, Johnny
Note: I appreciate all the asks and requests yall. <3
Sub-Zero
He was never good at understanding others either, so you 2 were the perfect match for each other.
He probably met you through Tomas or Kuai Liang and didn't talk to you at first. But as time passed, he realized that you are just as socially awkward as he was. So he plucked up the courage to start a conversation with you.
He fell in love with your strength; you can't tell me otherwise. It's what he looks for in a partner. He also found your silence endearing and comforting. And as you two grew closer, you eventually plucked up the courage to tell him about your autism.
He didn't react that much since that didn't change how he saw you. But he now understood why you were so quiet and socially awkward, so he tried to keep you away from situations like that so you don't feel uncomfortable.
He isn't very empathetic either, so you two can relate pretty well with each other. Most of your time is spent alone with each other in silence and just enjoying the comfortable silence.
Smoke
He's a pretty social person, so he had a little trouble understanding you and your quietness.
You both met when Liu Kang introduced you to them and he obviously tried to start a conversation with you, but sensing your awkwardness and discomfort he stopped. Over time though you started talking a little bit with him which made him very happy.
He probably fell in love with your determination. Since you don't talk much he doesn't really know much about your personality but he saw your determination during missions as clear as day.
When you told him about your diagnosis, he was very supportive and reassuring that he didn't see you any differently. But he definitely does plenty of research about your specific type of autism and does his best to understand.
He tries to have you avoid social situations since he doesn't want to see you uncomfortable. Plus, he prefers your company over anyone else's so it's a win-win in his book.
Reptile
He doesn't really go out of his way to talk with other people or attend social events, but that doesn't make him bad at it. In fact, he's actually quite good at socializing.
You both probably met through Ashrah and he didn't really see your awkwardness as odd, he thought it was normal for people to be quiet when they first meet.
But then over time, he saw you were still quite distant despite having known him for a while. So he took it upon himself to start a conversation with you.
He probably fell in love with your voice, at least when he does hear it. He thinks it's the most beautiful melody in the entire realm and wishes he would hear more of it, but he also doesn't know if it's weird to want to listen to someone's voice.
When you tell him of your condition, he's kind of confused. Poor boy doesn't know what Autism is, so you'll have to explain it to him. When he eventually does understand, he's very understanding. He usually talks for you in social settings but doesn't avoid them entirely since his species are social creatures.
Johnny
He is the most social out of all of them, he's constantly going out to events and talking with everyone in the area.
You both met through Raiden and he warned Johnny that you weren't much of a talker. That didn't stop him from starting a conversation immediately. That's when he really saw how socially awkward you were.
So he laid you off for a bit since he thought maybe you were too shy to speak with him, but the longer he knew you, the more he noticed something off about your behavior. So he does some research and finds out you most likely have autism.
So he keeps it to himself but still tries to engage in conversation with you. He fell in love with your shyness, 100%. And he doesn't even need to do anything to make you that way.
Eventually, you tell him you have autism and he tells you he already knew. So now that you were comfortable with telling him that, he thought that meant you two were a lot closer now. So he tends to let you stay at home while he continues to socialize as he usually does, but he does it a little less often so he can also spend time with you as well.
#mortal kombat#mk1#mortal kombat x reader#sub zero x reader#smoke x reader#johnny x reader#reptile x reader
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ranndom bi-han headcanons
bi-han gets very needy and clingy in the morning. it's very early and you're both still asleep, he'll wrap his arm around your waist and pull you close, burrowing his face in the crook of your neck. he loves your warmth, the contrast between his cold body. he doesn't speak much as he's waking up, just soft grumbles and groans as he pulls you even closer to him. that's also how he'll vocalize how much he loves both your bodies pressed together. you'll either still be asleep or roll over to face him and burry your face in his chest. both of you will either fall back asleep, or he'll be forced to rise to start up his grandmaster duties.
you're the only person who gets away with literally grabbing bi-han's face and squishing and squeezing his cheeks. sometimes you just get some super intense cuteness aggression, you can't help it, he always looks so grumpy and angry. he will literally be fuming and growling and glaring as you grab his face and kiss him and squeal at how cute he is, but he allows it. its you. he'd never admit how much it makes his heart flutter at how you admire and love him so much, but he's still gonna push you away and threaten to toss you in the nearest body of water.
he's autistic.
bi-han is touched aversed, he doesn't like people being near him or touching him -i think that's clear from how he reacted to johnny sjsjsj- I doubt bi-han has really thought about why he loathes people touching him, i think it just makes him uncomfortable, and honestly anxious, but it's buried under hundreds of layers of childhood trauma, anger issues and thinking weakness is pathetic. you recognize this, and have become very good at picking up on the signs he doesn't wanna be touched. he will get deathly quiet, his muscles will be even more tense than usual, his jaw clenched aggressively and his eyes narrowed. you've caught yourself going in for a kiss or leaning on his shoulder, even getting a serious case of cuteness aggression- only to see his demeanor.
you immediately give him space and apologize. of course bi-han would never punch you across the face and kick you into a $10,000 art piece, but he doesn't hide his anger (and anxiety) well when he feels like this. he appreciates how much you respect his personal space, and will usually show that by tossing a rolled up piece of paper at your head (his love language is weird idk) you'll look up from whatever you're doing and smile at his grumpy face, glad he isn't planning your murder.
#mk1#mortal kombat 1#bi han#mk1 bi han#mortal kombat 1 bi han#sub zero#mk1 sub zero#mortal kombat 1 sub zero#mk headcanons#bi han headcanons
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Bi han was so hopeless. He hit the rock bottom. There was only one thing he could do.
So to pay rent he did this:
Tomas bought it
Kuai: Tomas, this is insane
Tomas: wow. Way to be insensitive. So this deer is insane just cuz he is autistic? Shame on you Kuai.
Kuai: no, Tomas-
#No one says anything. They are waiting for him to find out.#Spoiler: he never does#mortal kombat#Bi han#Kuai liang#Tomas vrbada#Smoke#Pay Frost rent or else...#I found this pic on youtube shorts if you couldn't tell
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Please keep doing the Lin kuei bro’s driving Raiden mad posts because honestly after what that man put Bi han through they deserve to be petty bitches towards him. Also your neurodivergent Bi han HC is healing my soul because honestly that man is so adhd/autism coded
hehehehehe your wish is my command
Raiden: Why do you never follow my orders?
Kung Lao: You're not my real dad
Bi-Han: Spite, mostly
Kuai Liang: I hate you and everything you stand for
---
also, Bi-Han is absolutely adhd, not sure if he's autistic or just spent too much time with Kuai Liang who is def autistic (I'm autistic and my brother isn't but sometimes he acts Very autistic bc he spent too much time with me when we were kids). Hanzo is also autistic, Kung Lao is something tho nobody can tell what yet, and Liu Kang is adhd and has anxiety
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Jumin!! Jumin Han!! Horrible guy. I think he needs a serious reality check and a change in behaviour. Here’s my Jumin redesign because I must do my own rewrite. (Not a ton of changes tbh. Mostly to things I find icky or I think I’d like better lol)
He’s fucked up and has chronic issues because me too. His hair is slightly longer, he’s still obsessive but this time we don’t go ‘omg daddy’ instead MC is like ‘dude stop /srs’
He probably gets treatment following the whole Elizabeth III debacle. Because uh… not a normal reaction to losing your cat. Yeah. Also I feel like MC’s relationships in my rewrite will be more exploring whoever they’re pursuing. Like instead of seeing the characters as attractive it’s moreso exploring their issues. Mostly because Jumin needs to build a support system, Jaehee needs to marry a woman and leave Jumin because he’s not good for her! He’s a bad boss! They need a neutral friendship and he needs to learn some boundaries.
Essentially rich autistic boy who has no emotional maturity because he doesn’t know how to properly cope with his feelings and was never taught how because his parents are both useless and his skill development works differently than others.
He has good traits too. I just like criticizing him because he’s human and I know he can do better.
He’s very kind believe it or not. He doesn’t know how to show it but he really cares for people. He isn’t as much of a stuck up prick as he seems. He is just really blunt. He’s learning to harness that into positivity.
He embraces that embroidery grind. He needs more hobbies. I’m thinking he embroiders a little patch of Elizabeth III for 7O7. He treasures it forever.
He’s queer but takes a really long time to figure it out. He thought he was gay for awhile because he doesn’t trust women (thanks dad.) though soon realized he’s bi. He’s aroacespec. Romantic feelings are few and far between for him and he’s only ever developed them like once. He’s not too into sex but he likes kink and is happy to please his partner. Relationships are difficult for him but he gets by.
His favourite colour is purple and he has a cat spin. He’s pretty easy to shop for.
He follows an extremely specific morning and night routine and if they’re interrupted or stopped somehow he will shut down.
#jumin han redesign#Jumin han#mystic messenger#mysme fanart#mysme jumin#mysme rewrite#if you disagree with any of this that’s okay#I’m autistic and therefore he is too#smiles
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A List Of All Of My Current Works
Genshin Impact
Tsundere Diluc X Reader
First Meeting Rosaria X Reader
Breaking An Entering: Electric Boogaloo A Sequel To First Meeting
Triad Pt.1 (Ningguang X Beidou X Reader)
Sara Kujou X Reader
Eula, Hu Tao, Sara, Ninguang and *Spins wheel* Barbra’s reaction to an S/O who has gone loopy after taking some medicine to fight their fever randomly confessing their undying love.
Jean Gunnhildr N.S.F.W. Headcannons
Lumine, Eula, and Jean With A Reader Who Uses A Frying Pan As A Weapon
Catching Her Eye-Ningguang X Reader
Worthy Of You-Sara X Reader
Differing Types Of Art-Yoimiya X Reader
Kokomi X Injured Reader
Ningguang Brainrot
Yandere Raiden Shogun
Holiday Gift-Layla, Furina, and Kokomi X Reader
A Gift To A Friend- Kaeya, Childe, Beidou, and Furina X Reader
100 Followers Event: Ei X Reader-Sharing
Girls Front Line
Nothing, maybe an ask could change that?
Honkai Star Rail
Nothing, maybe an ask could change that?
Reverse 1999
Dikke X Reader
Bleach
Nothing, maybe an ask could change that?
Chainsaw man
Nothing, maybe an ask could change that?
Jujutsu Kaisen
Maki, Mai, Nobara, And Miwa With Powerful Himbo S/O
Maki, Mai, Nobara, And Miwa With Powerful Himbo S/O Pt.2
Fate Grand Order alongside Fate and TYPE MOON in general
SFW And NSFW Jacques De Molay Foreigner x Reader
Morgan, Baobhan, Melusine, and Barghest With Master Reader
SFW and NSFW Anastasia Hedcannons
Gareth And Mordred Fluff Scenarios and Headcannons
Fairy Knights and Morgan with a Depressed Master Reader
Scathach, Medusa Rider, And Florence Nightingale X Reader -Angst-
Scathach, Medusa Rider, And Florence Nightingale X Reader -Hurt Comfort-
"I'm So In Love With You" Artoria Pendragon X Reader
"You're Beautiful" Medusa Rider and Gorgon X Reader
"Do you trust me?" Serenity and Shuten Douji X Reader
"You're Cute When Your Angry" Rin Tohsaka and Mordred X Reader
"I'm So In Love With You" Medusa and Gorgon X Reader
"I Want To Protect You!" Mordred and Quetzalcoatl X Reader
Bradamante X Reader
Caenis X Reader
Penthesilea X Autistic Master Reader
Poly Scathach, Nightingale x Reader
Lancer Artoria X Reader With Powers Like Alucard From Hellsing
The Knights Of The Round Finding Out About Artoria Saber, Lancer, and Alter's S/O
Medusa, Caenis, and Gorgon With An S/O They Like To Tease
Nobu with a former Master Reader who became a servant
Danganronpa
General relationship HCs for a GN! Reader paired with Mahiru and Ibuki
Playing With Their Hair Headcanons-Toko, Jack, and Mikan
Mahiru, Kaede, and Ibuki caring for an S/O with a broken leg
Celestia, Miu, and Kyoko when their S/O who's the opposite calls them cute for the first time
Himiko and Kirumi with an energetic and affectionate S/O
Himiko X Tenko X Reader
Persona
P3: Mitsuru With Someone Who Loves To Play With Her Hair
P5: Futaba and Makoto X Smart Delinquent Reader
Chie Satonaka & Orie with a reader coming out as Bi
100 Followers Event: P3: Mitsuru Kirijo-Secret
That Time I Reincarnated As A Slime
Nothing, maybe an ask could change that?
Demon Slayer
Nothing, maybe an ask could change that?
Bloodborne
Gehrman X Reader
Micolash X Reader
Impostor Iosefka x Reader
Choir X Reader
Elden Ring
Malenia NSFW Alphabet
Guilty Gear
RANDOM INCORRECT QUOTES [Guilty Gear X Reader Edition Pt.1]
RANDOM INCORRECT QUOTES [Guilty Gear X Reader Edition Pt.2]
What Dates With Them Would Be Like-Testament
Relationship Headcannons: Millia Rage and Bullet
"You're Beautiful"- Bridget X Reader
Baiken Teaches You How To Fight!
Testament NSFW Headcannons
100 Followers Event: Undercovers, Ramlethal
Blazblue
Relationship Headcannons: Millia Rage and Bullet
Tsubaki Yayoi X Reader
Mai Natsume X Reader
Under-Night-In-Birth
Wagner With An Affectionate S/O
Hilda Relationship Headcannons
Yandere Wagner x Reader
Orie X Affectionate Reader
Chie Satonaka & Orie with a reader coming out as Bi
Skullgirls
Miss Fortune, Black Dahlia, and Eliza x Reader
Street Fighter
Cammy White NSFW-A Nice Hot Shower
Juri Han X Reader
Married Life With Juri Han X Chun-Li
Elena & Menat X Reader Headcannons
Rivals To Lovers With Sakura & Makoto X Reader
Laura & Karin X Reader Dating Headcannons
Resident Evil
Jill Valentine X Reader
Final Fantasy
Tifa Lockart X Dragoon!Reader
Sephiroth X Reader: 100 Followers Event-Bite
Hi-Fi Rush
Nothing, maybe an ask could change that?
Trails Of Cold Steel
Nothing, maybe an ask could change that?
Fear And Hunger & Fear And Hunger: Termina
The Freedom Of Choice-Levi X Reader (Platonic)
Marina And Abella Relationship Headcannons
Marina X Reader She Met Post Termina
#jjk x reader#jjk x you#bleach x y/n#bleach x you#bleach x reader#jjk#bleach#genshin impact x you#genshin impact x reader#chainsaw man x y/n#chainsaw man x you#chainsaw man x reader#type moon#type moon x reader#fate x reader#fgo x reader#danganronpa x reader#danganronpa x you#bloodborne x yn#bloodborne x reader#persona 5 x reader#persona 4 x reader#persona 3 x reader#final fantasy x reader#blazblue x reader#guilty gear x reader#trails of cold steel x reader#hi fi rush x reader#resident evil x reader#skullgirls x reader
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Went to Pride today with a lot of my partners! It was cozy. I had the opportunity to draw a badge and have it laminated, so I made the badge on the right. It says HAN which means "HE" in my native language. I don't use he exclusively, but today that definitely felt very right. I tried to write it in a way that reference the schizo symbol.
That made me think of my first Pride with one of the partners I went with today, about 8 or 9 years ago. When I met them I wasn't sure about many things and I didn't feel comfortable claiming most labels.
They had made two shirts. Queer Alien #1 and Queer Alien #2.
I think theirs said !bi ace !trans !autistic
My corresponding shirt said 'pan ace', 'questioning' and 'neurodivergent'.
I guess in today's climate/mental space for me I'm moving towards a postlabels worldview. But in 2015/16 this was an incredible gesture, just them going "well look I know you don't know exactly what's going on, but you're clearly questioning your gender. And sure you're not diagnosed, but you can't in all honesty tell me that you think that you're neurotypical".
For someone who had a huge imposter syndrome this was truly liberating and very touching. It was an important step for me to legitimise a way of thinking about myself that would lead me to become happier, healthier and more free.
There were a lot of very very cool young queer people at Pride today. People in their early twenties, often far into their physical transitions, long since post-op, or just clearly in their element with body mods and hair and style and confidence that I couldn't have dreamed of at that age.
I'm so fucking happy for them. I don't know if I will ever be that liberated. But I'm working on it, and every year I get a step closer to owning my autonomy. Every year I get a step closer to trusting myself. Every year I feel that much more comfortable in my own skin.
Some of us are slow to mature, slow to leave our ill-fitting assigned holes, scared to claim new space and grow into our shape for years and years. And sometimes part of what it takes is for someone to look at our stumbling, careful, tactful investigations and acknowledge that certainly they can't tell you what exact shape you are either, but you sure ain't a square, and it might be time to stop trying to fit into the square hole.
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bi-han and affection
pairing: character study; no pairing
genre: angst; no comfort
warnings: intergenerational trauma, death
hi there! this was just something i wrote in a hurry because i desperately need more bi-han characterization/character studies. also, yall can snatch autistic!bi-han from my cold, dead hands. hope you enjoy!
bi-han is not a conventionally affectionate person.
as far as he recalls, he never was. bi-han doesn't dwell on childhood memories as much as his brothers do - he doesn't see the usefulness of reminiscing, especially on memories he sees as useless. but, as far as he recalls, he's always been distant, even in the beginning of his training.
(bi-han doesn't have any memory from before he began his lin kuei training; his oldest memory is holding a bo and learning how to use it as a weapon by his tutor. he was 7).
he does not enjoy physical contact. he never enjoyed it, even as a kid - being touched without consent is something bi-han despises with a fiery passion. the cryomancy does not aid in that aspect; the warmth of the touch is bothersome and sometimes painful. but it feels uncomfortable in a different way, almost as if his bones ache inside his body once people touch him without consent or warning. it often leads to an angry discussion or someone leaving with a broken nose. kuai liang tends to deal with the situation for him, especially when the perpetrator is an important figure or of interest to the lin kuei. but sometimes his reaction time gets the best of him - and confrontation is inevitable.
at the same time, bi-han is not verbally affectionate. when necessary, bi-han can lecture his students on fighting techniques, on weaponry, on war strategy and philosophy. he has done it before countless times, each time more eloquently than the last - bi-han is an excellent teacher, even though he lacks patience most times. but when it comes to interpersonal relations, bi-han is a complete disaster. surely, he can converse with other clan leaders, can discuss politics and trade deals, can and has secured alliances with other clans ever since he became grandmaster. he looks smooth - but, in private, bi-han falls flat every single time he has to interact with someone. it feels odd and weird and uncomfortable, both for the person and for him. it feels just like being touched, like his bones creak under his muscles once the awkwardness sets in - it feels physically painful.
so he refrains. he refrains from most celebrations or social gatherings, he does not interact with people outside of work or training. he leaves his bedroom in the early morning, works and trains until exhaustion and, once he's satisfied with his productivity, returns to his chambers to bathe, eat and sleep. that is, if he doesn't sleep at his table, in the grandmaster's office - kuai liang finds him unconscious on top of stacks of papers, sleeping over lin kuei documents and mission reports.
(on those nights, either kuai liang or tomas leave him a cup of tea and some food for once he wakes up. bi-han never thanks them for it, but they know he appreciates the care).
even before he became grandmaster, bi-han had the exact same routine: wake up, train, classes, train again, eat, bathe and sleep. his cryomancy interfered severely with his sleep - something about his metabolic rate trying to compensate for the cold, so he feels constantly awake. insomnia has accompanied him for years and the easiest way to sleep is to just exhaust himself enough that he passes out and sleeps until the next morning. it doesn't always work - but it does the trick on most nights. his mother was desperate seeing her son exhaust himself to sleep, but they had no other solution to the issue.
his mother worried about him. she knew bi-han was the most dedicated of all her sons, even though kuai liang and tomas have always been as devoted to the clan as the eldest. but bi-han's obstinate nature worried her. it worried her that bi-han would exhaust himself to the point of death to fulfill his father's demands. the lack of physical contact and verbal communication, even with his own family, terrified her; and realizing how closed off bi-han had and would always be made her worry for his wellbeing even in her last days.
kuai liang and tomas don't talk about it. they know trying to argue with bi-han is futile - and would end badly for both of them. tomas knows bi-han is closed-off because he feels uncomfortable and would rather die than force his brother into an uncomfortable situation. kuai liang still worries and wishes his brother would open up more, even if only with his brothers, but he also knows bi-han is not the type of person to verbalize concerns or issues. his brother is practical and methodical; the type of person to solve the issue before telling anyone about it. so he knows that, if someone were the matter, he would know sooner or later; but his mother's worry rubbed off on him.
bi-han may not be verbally or physically affectionate, but one can clearly tell when he is worried. bi-han cares for very few people in this world and he unconsciously dotes over them a little when worried - which is a lot, considering bi-han does not dote on anyone in normal circumstances. questioning on their welfare and wellbeing is a very clear sign bi-han is worried (at least for his brothers, who are often at the other end of the question). tending for wounds and aiding with training unprompted are also possibilities, while less common. openly admitting worry is the final and rarest event, only reserved for his late mother.
for bi-han, worry and doting are a display of affection. not that he realizes it consciously, since he rarely dwells on the reason why he acts like this with specific people. but ensuring their safety and wellbeing is how he shows people that he cares, even if he can't verbalize it properly. (he doesn't verbalize it at all; bi-han does not do feelings).
bi-han may not be conventionally affectionate - but he worries plenty for the ones he loves. and that is enough, at least for him.
(c) fandomiplier. do not repost.
#autistic bi-han#bc i said so#tomas vrbada#mortal kombat#sub zero#subzero#bi han sub zero#bi han#bi-han mk1#kuai liang#kuai liang mk1#mortal kombat 1#mk1#character study#just something i wanted to write bc i love projecting my traumas onto other characters
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Ryu from Street Fighter is an autistic bi orientated greyromantic asexual agender gendernull person with OCD who uses no pronouns, and Ryu is in a polycule with Ken and Chun-Li!
Ken Masters is an autistic butch bisexual transneutral firegender neutrois lesboy with ADHD who uses he/him, she/her, and fire/fires pronouns!
Chun-Li is an autistic biromantic demisexual intersex trans woman with PTSD who uses she/her pronouns!
Guile is a biromantic demisexual trans man with PTSD and hearing problems who uses he/him pronouns!
Blanka is an autistic intersex agender demiboy who uses he/him, it/its, and spark/sparks pronouns!
Zangief is a gay oriented aroace agender beargender redgender person who uses he/him and they/them pronouns!
E. Honda is a greyromantic gay trans man with OCD who uses he/him pronouns!
He's married to Dhalsim, a bi oriented aroace agender genderflux demigender firegender genderpsychic person who uses either all pronouns or no pronouns depending on their mood!
Cammy White is an intersex nonbinary transfeminine catgender lesbian with PTSD who uses she/her, they/them, and purr/purrs pronouns!
Dee Jay is a pansexual dancegender trns man who uses he/him pronouns!
Kimberly is an 80scoric colorgender trans bi lesbian who uses she/her and paint/paints pronouns!
Luke is an autistic stargender yellowgender bluegender doggender transmasculine paragirl with PTSD who uses he/him, bark/barks, and she/her pronouns!
Luke's partner Jamie is a polysexual librafluid person who uses she/her, he/him, and they/them pronouns!
Lily doesn't use any labels due to still being pretty young!
Juri Han is a bisexual intersex pinkgender purplegender spidergender bigender transfeminine person who uses she/her, it/its, and spider/spiders pronouns!
Marisa is an autistic polyamorous bisexual person!
Marisa is dating Manon, an autistic trans lesbian!
Cammy's sibling Decapre is an aroace lesbian nonbinary transmasculine pupgender demigirl with BPD who uses they/them, it/its, and pup/pups pronouns!
Sakura is an autistic bungender arcadecoric trans lesbian with anxiety who experiences comphet and uses she/her and bun/buns pronouns!
She's dating Karin, a trans asexual lesbian with OCD who uses she/her pronouns!
Birdie is a demisexual gay trans man with PTSD who uses he/him pronouns!
He's happily married to Eagle, a gay intersex demiboy who uses he/him pronouns!
Ken's wife Eliza Masters is bisexual!
Their daughter Mel Masters is an aroace trans girl with ADHD and PTSD who uses she/her pronouns!
Mel is friends with Li-Fen, a trans girl with PTSD who uses she/her pronouns!
Seth is a nonbinary person with psychosis, BPD, and DID who uses they/them pronouns!
Rashid is an autistic pansexual trans man who uses he/him pronouns!
Blanka is dating Dan Hibiki, an autistic panromantic greysexual genderfluid transfeminine person with ADHD, PTSD, OCD, BPD, and DID who uses taunt/taunts, saikyo/saikyos, it/its, she/her, and they/them pronouns!
Sagat is a disabled aroace unlabeled person who uses tiger/tigers pronouns!
Abel is an autistic gay oriented aroace intersex trnasmasculine nonbinary beargender pupgender person who uses he/him, they/them, pup/pups, and bear/bears pronouns!
Abel's adoptive parent Charlie Nash is a greyromantic pansexual transfeminine genderqueer person with PTSD who uses she/her and xe/xem pronouns!
El Fuerte is a demiaroace pan gay trans man with ADHD who uses he/him, spice/spices, and food/foods pronouns!
Spice is dating T. Hawk, an unlabeled person who uses he/him pronouns!
Ibuki is a bi lesbian raccoongender trans girl who uses she/her, they/them, and tanuki/tanukis pronouns!
She's dating Rainbow Mika, an autistic rainbowcoric rainbowgender bungender trans lesbian who uses she/her, bun/buns, and rain/bow pronouns!
Menat is an autistic aromantic pan lesbian catgender trans girl with ADHD who uses she/her and purr/purrs pronouns!
She's in a QPR with Ed, a bi oriented aroace intersex demiboy with PTSD and ADHD who uses he/him pronouns!
Ed's sister Falke is a femflux nonbinary aroace lesbian with OCD who uses they/them and she/her pronouns!
Kolin is a greyromantic lesbian with PTSD who is questioning her gender and uses she/her and snow/snows pronouns!
Urien is a butch transfeminine lesbian who uses she/her pronouns!
Poison is an autistic futch greyromantic pomosexual trans woman who uses she/her pronouns!
She's in a QPR with Hugo Andore, an autistic intersex potatogender rosegender pinkgender genderfluid transneufeminine demigirl boyflux aromantic lesbian who uses she/her, he/him, and potato/potatos pronouns!
Abigail is an autistic arospec trans man who uses he/him and vroom/vrooms pronouns!
Roxy is a demisexual intersex demigirl who uses she/her and nameself pronouns!
dni link
#long post#street fighter#mogai headcanon#ryu#ken masters#chun-li#guile#blanka#zangief#e. honda#dhalsim#cammy white#dee jay#kimberly#luke#jamie#lily#juri han#marisa#manon#decapre#sakura#karin#birdie#eagle#eliza masters#mel masters#li-fen#seth#rashid
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obligatory introduction post
hi guys i'm mando. (my father and abuelo are nando).
i'm trans in a hyper-macho/repressed way (han solo, dean winchester, indiana jones, you get the picture), bi in a very gay way (i have been pining over the same idiot for the past 5 years, which might make appearances in tags), adhd and autistic in the sexiest way possible (oscillate wildly between golden retriever and spock). i also stream on twitch sometimes, under a pseudonym you totally can't find by snooping through a music link included in this post.
this account is literally whatever i feel like (occasional 18+ humour, follow under your own discretion etc etc). the only thing i properly tag anymore is vid so i can find them again easier, and "personal" if i gotta vent or whatever (for potential tag blocking purposes). i still update the star trek blog, my dean aesthetic blog, and my bfu one (once in a blue moon), but they are products of past hyperfixations (which i may or may not return to on occasion).
i do a lot of writing (give it up for escapism as a coping method 🤪), particularly on my ao3 (+pwp account), of which i'll post updates on my writing blog as well.
fanfic-wise, there is always a lot of variation, so your best bet at prediction (especially considering my chronic exhaustion as a deterrent) is the fandoms list on ao3 or the stuff i've been posting on this blog. original work-wise, i tend to write comedic satire. i currently have one published work, but it is in my university's anthology, and i will not just dox myself so easily lol. once my exhaustion clears up and i start to submit to magazines/contests again, maybe i'll start sharing that too.
i am also an academic (ewwww). i am planning on going to med school and doing research (and have been considering writing papers in the near future too), but am also a huge nerd in both musicology and english related stuff, ESPECIALLY media analysis. (i don't tend to post a lot of media analysis, but i might pop off in tags if my meds freshly kick in)
autism fixation is definitely music (as in, way too much music history—eg. i was obsessed and even crushed over classical composers in elementary school; am always in a handful of music ensembles and own 20+ instruments atm; musicology in the sense of theory and how different songs/genres function and how we as people interpret them; music in cultural anthropology ie how it has affected history in a broader sense and the societal impacts of things such as the western teaching of music (bad), how music has been used as a voice or for protest and to convey different messages, the effect of music in film, my beef against terms like "jazz" or "folk" because (for jazz) like 95% of music can fall under the definition).
ANYWAYS. you can look at my playlists (shoutout to bad taste in music (real, not fake) ), but since a lot of them are messy/outdated and i mostly rely on albums/already-made playlists, feel free to follow my spotify for the sole reason that you can see what i'm listening to (or whether i'm actually having a good taste for once or i'm going insane listening to heinz baked beans the who or megalovania on repeat for 7 hours again)
#sorry if yall see this on your dash#maybe i'll actually format this properly at some point when i care enough
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💚 dearly/griffith/loki
💚 19
💚 white/CHamoru
💚 he/it/they/any
💚 bi & trans
💚 autistic/adhd/bpd
💚 spins: dead boy detectives, tiger & bunny, ace attorney, spider-man, the muppets, loona, venture bros, 2001 aso, hans frozen, etc <3
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kaname date, do-yoon han, yusuke kitagawa, yukari takeba
sparrow i love you so fucking much Let's Go!!!!
date
sexuality headcanon:
he's bi as fuck bitch!!! this man sucks pussy and eats cock and that's so Rad of him
gender headcanon:
a ship i have with said character:
date/hitomi Wins. they're so married And so divorced. and she's calling him babygirl
a brotp i have with said character:
date & mizuki will always make me sob uncontrollably they're so family... It Has To Be You Date
a notp i have with said character:
date/ryuki 🤢🤢 the less said about it the better
a random headcanon:
after aini he celebrates all his six missed birthdays on one day & pouts when mizuki only gives him one gift (she makes it up to him by punching him five times)
general opinion over said character:
That's My Dad but also That's My Wife and That's My Gender. sir i want to chew on you. kaname date the manwhore of all time. he needs to be pressure washed but also locked in a therapy office for a week
do-yoon
sexuality headcanon:
he's also bisexuelle af. as long as they're willing to listen to him infodump about music he doesn't care about such petty things as Gender
gender headcanon:
he's so trans i love that for him <3 that little black thing poking out from underneath his shirt? a binder <3
a ship i have with said character:
gyuyoon makes me want to eat a pound of frozen shrimp they're so fucking homosexual
a brotp i have with said character:
"inha what do you mean i'm your pet cat" "you know exactly what i mean. now meow for me, boy"
a notp i have with said character:
i saw someone ship him with juyoung???? Hell Naw. she's like a cool older sister to him
a random headcanon:
he's that kind of autist to make jokes in an extremely flat tone of voice so people often assume he's being serious
General Opinion over said character:
bro he's just. so me. he's been made in a lab just so i can obsess over him & that's iconic. love me a polite boy who carries So Much Rage inside of him. speaking of,
yusuke
sexuality headcanon:
asexual + gay 🥰 plus possibly demiromantic as well. takes a while for him to open up but then he's a cuddlebug
gender headcanon:
He's Trans Babey !! and canon can suck my ass about it
a ship i have with said character:
shukita will always be that one ship for me ;_; they're just. so good together
a brotp i have with said character:
ugh i love him with all the girls but him and ann are so iconic together. they'd run one hell of a fashion history podcast
a notp i have with said character:
yu//taba 🤮 they're siblings!!!!!! to me!!!!
a random headcanon:
he's decent at math - not the best, but his favorite subject is trigonometry
general opinion over said character:
while there are Associations preventing me from stanning as hard as before, he's still my precious baby boy who deserved better from the canon. he's so sweet but funny but vicious but Fucked In The Head. love him
yukari
sexuality headcanon:
she's a lesbian very deep in the closet 😔
gender headcanon:
mayhaps a bit of transfem yukatan... as a treat....
a ship i have with said character:
YUKAMITSU!!!!! it's so cute but also complicated. gorls
a brotp i have with said character:
her relationship with fuka is so fucking sweet like. c'mon. they're besties
a notp i have with said character:
with minato :/ it reeks of comphet on both sides lmao
a random headcanon:
she never fully makes up with her mom but they do manage to form a mostly civil relationship
general opinion over said character:
i support women's wrongs. she's such a deep, complicated character that deserves an apology from the fandom
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