#at what point does Ashton realize they fucked up to the point that words can’t recover trust but perhaps actions can
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Ashton's talk with Laudna in E49 has battered me with ideas, so here's a short fic that has made me teary eyed, so I'm inflicting it on all of you.
Be perfectly warned that suicide ideation is very much a part of this because of the FCG martyrism, and it's almost definitely not handled well because these people don't really know how to handle it. Including me. I wrote this on vibes and emotions and zero experience in real life.
Enough On AO3
Sometimes you have to break the bone again if it’s to have even a remote chance at healing properly.
Ashton knows this. Their bones don’t break easily, but they’ve done the damage enough, set enough people to rights, to be perfectly aware of it.
And the thing is, medicine is medicine. Physical or mental, it’s the same sort of principles. Sometimes time and proper treatment will set you right, and sometimes you’ve got to bleed the poison, reset the break by breaking it again.
He’s tried, so fucking hard, to be gentle with Fresh Cut Grass. Hoped, maybe uselessly, that time and proper tending would fix the aeormaton’s broken parts.
And it’s worked in some places. Grass has found the backbone to not let everyone walk all over them (even if they nearly gave him a fucking heart attack first exerting that backbone against fucking Hexum).
But not this one. One of the important ones. And fuck, Ashton’s pretty sure they’ve reached the point where gentle just can’t cut it. This– This is going to hurt.
-------------------------
“Ashton, why aren’t you saying anything?” Imogen demands.
He can’t bring himself to look away from the campfire Bells Hells is gathered around, planning another desperate job. It needs to be done. He’s told himself this since Grass offered up that stupid fucking plan. Again. And he knows, if not now, then when? Will he ever make the point?
…Sometimes you have to fuck around and find out.
“Why should I? It’s not like Fresh Cut Grass cares how I feel.”
It’s bitter, so fucking bitter on their tongue, but they need to break so he can mend. And with the words out there, they realize how fucking tired they are of pretending that every time Grass does this it doesn’t hurt them.
“Wha–?! Ashton, that’s not true! I care a lot–”
“You don’t fucking show it!” Ashton cuts them off, growling. “I told you, my one fucking rule for being a part of this crew. One. Do you even remember what that rule is?”
“...W-we don’t… we don’t leave anyone behind?”
The answer is so fucking hesitant, and Ashton hates it, hates himself a little for pushing it that way. But sometimes to be cruel is to be kind, and Fresh Cut Grass is too fucking stubborn for this to sink in any other way.
“And what the fuck do you think you’re doing every time you offer to go on a suicide run on the off chance we just might have a better chance at success? Huh?”
“Y’all can bring me back–”
“Not if we’re dead too! Not if we can’t find some powerful fucker willing to even fucking try. ”
Ashton hasn’t forgotten how fucking close they came to not finding help in Whitestone for Laudna. How that fucking asshole lord would have undone all their hard work if that stupid undead bitch haunting Laudna had been present, despite having done nothing to the bastard in thirty fucking years with a Laudna who didn’t have a whole crew to help keep her in check. He thinks the holy baker might try to resurrect Grass if they supplied the materials. But anyone else? He has doubts others would even believe there is a soul to retrieve from death.
“But it’s not about whether we can bring you back from death or not,” Ashton says softly. “Not really. It’s about you, Fresh Cut Grass, fucking choosing to leave us all behind like that.”
“But the Changebringer says–”
“It’s a fucking coin, Letters. You’re the one who comes up with ideas of suicide. There’s no fucking goddess whispering in your ear, ‘Hey, you should fucking kill yourself.’ There’s just you, wanting to die, and that fucking coin you’re using to justify the idea.”
Ashton’s not against them finding religion. Hell, having a divine guide post will probably help. But. The blind and absolute faith in that fucking coin isn’t religion. It’s Grass still avoiding having active control over their own fucking life. And if the fucking Changebringer is actually answering every dumb fucking question Fresh Cut Grass asks that coin, Ashton just might have to find a way to send her to fucking Ruidus.
“I– I–”
“So if you want to fucking die so bad, get it over with. Because you’ve made it pretty fucking clear that us caring and wanting you fucking here, with us, doesn’t matter.”
They’re panting, drawing air through a running nose as tears they refuse to let fall gather in the corners of their eyes.
“I can’t do this anymore, Letters. Not when you’re making it inevitable because we’re not enough. I’m not enough.”
He laughs hollowly, and whispers, “I’m never fucking enough.”
And that was too far. Too vulnerable in front of the whole crew. They’re on their feet and gone from the camp to find something to hit before anyone can say anything. Or if they do say anything, Ashton doesn’t, can’t, hear it.
I’m never fucking enough.
Parents that had more interest in whatever fucking ritual killed at least one of them than being there to raise him into an adult. Friends who were family that wouldn’t risk the consequences of his more-than-near death experience, who couldn’t even be bothered to fucking come back for him years later.
That was the fucking realization he’d come to after waking up to only Milo. He thought he’d buried it deep enough to never pass his lips, make it real–
This is why he saved broken conversations for Laudna. The old spook understood without having to say the actual words because she had real fucking similar bullshit. And she bore it with a lot better grace than he did. It was comforting to think he could get there one day, maybe.
And maybe the Hells were different from whatever the fuck Hishari was, from the Nobodies. They were certainly trying. But Letters was breaking what little was left of their heart by being no different. Grass wanted to martyr himself more than he wanted to be here with Ashton, and the rest of the Hells.
I’m never fucking enough.
Ashton roars and punches the boulder they’d found.
--------------------------------
They stare at the retreating form of their best friend.
They’re panicking. They don’t– they can’t– Dancer is already gone– Not Ashton too–
He’s moving forward after them. He hasn’t got a clue what to say, what to do, it’s so terrifying to have to choose what to do, but there must be something. Why can’t the fucking Changerbringer give him more than a yes or no answer? The coin can’t choose for him like this!
Laudna steps between them, hides Ashton from his sight. Hands from behind halt his forward momentum.
Part of them wants to lash out. That’s Ashton, leaving. Ashton, who found them and cared for them and refused to leave them even though they murdered their associates, tried to do the same to Bells Hells– Why is the line drawn here? It’s the Changebringer making the choice, not them. Ashton didn’t blame them for snapping, didn’t think that was their choice. So why not this? And they’re not being allowed to go after him.
The others must be able to see the rising stress, because the hands loosen, Laudna’s posture softens as she crouches down to be eye level with him (he can’t see Ashton’s silhouette beyond her not again not again).
“Fresh Cut Grass, I know you’re upset, but you can’t go after them right now,” she softly says.
FCG thinks it’s meant to be soothing, but it just winds the stress a little tighter.
“Ashton loves you, don’t you ever doubt that. They’ve told me themself,” Laudna reassures him. “But, you also worry them, a lot, with your ‘desperate attempts at martyrism.’” He can hear the quotes as Laudna sing-songs the phrase. Of course he’s desperate. Look at all the blood he’s spilled. He has no blood of his own to spill in penance, just a mockery of life to offer in turn. “Honestly, you worry me, and the rest of us, I think, with that. And if you can’t stand by a decision to stop trying to unnecessarily martyr yourself, then any apology you would make to Ashton, any promise to do better, would be empty. And I think you know how Ashton feels about empty words and promises.”
And he does. Ashton hates when others don’t keep their end of a deal. He’s never said anything to Ashton that he doesn’t mean, only ever even lied to help his friends.
“...I-I don’t– I don’t want to give them an empty promise, but I don’t–”
An angered roar echoes back to the camp, one they know well. Ashton.
Not just anger either. Pain too. And their mind flashes back to the Spire by Fire, that first time Ashton let them and Imogen into his mind in hopes of finding answers about his past. He’s dead, just leave him. The flood of anger and pain that their Calm Emotions couldn’t restrain once it had been released. And Fresh Cut Grass has caused it this time.
“H-how do I fix this? I don’t know how to fix this,” FCG whines.
He loves to help other people with their problems, but when he’s the problem– Dancer told him to stay away, but he doesn’t want to stay away, can���t stay away. Not from her, not from Ashton. But staying away is the way he was told to fix it, so if he went as far away as possible…
“It’s not going to be easy, Fresh Cut,” Orym says, gently turning them to look at him. “But the first step is to listen to what Ashton was saying.”
“B-but I was listenin’.”
“And what did you hear?” Orym patiently asks.
FCG opens their mouth to reply, only to be cut off.
“Not their exact words, FCG. How would you say what they were saying?”
They ponder this. It was a lot . And very hurtful. And Ashton was hurting as much as he was hurting them.
It’s not like Fresh Cut Grass cares how I feel.
I’m not enough.
He’s dead, just leave him.
I’m never fucking enough.
“Ashton… feels like I don’t care about them?”
“Why?”
I told you, my one fucking rule for being a part of this crew.
There’s just you, wanting to die, and that fucking coin you’re using to justify the idea.
I can’t do this anymore, Letters. Not when you’re making it inevitable
It’s about you , Fresh Cut Grass, fucking choosing to leave us all behind like that.
“...Because… because… he thinks I’m makin’ bad choices? But I’m not good at makin’ choices! I don’t know how. ”
Chetney snorts. “Well you’re not going to get any better with that attitude. Take it from someone who actually remembers the past four centuries, part of living is learning from your mistakes and bad choices. And you’re gonna make a lot of ‘em before you actually get good at anything. But you,” and he points a chisel at Fresh Cut Grass, “are refusing to fucking learn or make new choices. And that’s the real problem. Can’t fix shit, can’t improve it, if you’re not willing to do something different.”
“...And what should I do different?” they desperately ask.
---------------------------
Ashton’s not sure how much later it is when they hear the creak of Fresh Cut Grass rolling their way, the soft exchange of words between him and Fearne (she’d followed him because Bells Hells didn’t let anyone go off alone if they could help it) before hooves clomp away.
“I’m sorry,” FCG says.
Ashton doesn’t open his eyes, doesn’t move from where he’s reclined against the boulder.
“I… didn’t realize how much y’all cared about me bein’ here. How much you cared.”
“I told you before, a while back,” Ashton points out.
“...I might have thought that had to do with how useful you found me.”
“If it was about useful, I would like money better than you. You can get anything with money if you have enough of it.”
They can hear the creak of Grass nodding his head at that.
“I feel real guilty about the people I’ve killed.”
Ashton cracks an eye open at the admission.
“An’... I guess I thought dyin’ doin’ somethin’ good could make up for that? The others said if I wanted to really make up for murderin’ innocent folks, I ought to live and do as much good as I can for as long as I can.”
A soft grunt of acknowledgement leaves the genasi’s chest. “And are you?”
“I think I need to try. I want to try. And… I don’t want you to leave, like Dancer did. And I don’t want to leave you, like the Nobodies did. So, I’m really, really sorry, Ashton.”
Ashton lets out a big sigh. Then, in a surge of motion, they’ve drawn Fresh Cut Grass close, pressing their forehead to Grass’s faceplate.
“I told you: I want to be happy because you’re making me happy. That it would make me so fucking happy if you’d stop offering yourself up like a piece of meat. If you can do that, Letters, for real, then I’m here. For as long as I’m breathing and as long as you want me, I’m here, buddy.”
“I’m gonna try, Ashton. I promise.”
#critical role#critical role spoilers#cr3#cr c3#cr campaign 3#cr spoilers#cr c3 e49#fanfic#ashton greymoore#fresh cut grass#fcg#fcg critical role#bells hells#this one's kinda sad y'all#happy ending though#MQfic
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Would You Be My Little Quarantine (one-shot)
Synopsis: As the mandatory quarantine hits, the Reader is stuck in a cabin in Utah with the boys from 5 Seconds of Summer. Turns out another person is stuck in a hotel nearby. Hijinx ensue as does romance.
Pairing: Harry Styles x f!Reader
Genre: fluff pretty much just pure, teeth-rotting fluff.
Warnings: it’s my first time writing for Harry as I was never really part of the fandom, but damn does Watermelon Sugar do things to a person, so please be kind. This is defo not my best work, but I’m slowly getting back into the groove of things, so bare with me :D
Word count: 6061
TikTok had become Y/N’s new obsession. She’d stayed away from it as long as she could, being a true Vine generation child, she felt loyalty to the deceased app. But one night, after a long recording session, she caved. And then stayed giggling on it until the early morning when the birds started to chirp… or until Calum had taken her phone and threatened to throw it in the jacuzzi if she didn’t go to bed.
The girl and the four guys from 5 Seconds of Summer had been renting a cabin in the middle of the Utah woods to help them escape the distractions of the city as they recorded their respective albums, and given how they were good friends, they decided to collaborate on a few songs, and it made sense to just chill together as well.
Which had started off Y/N’s own TikTok series, having ‘borrowed’ the idea from the Irishman living with two girls.
“Alright, gentlemen.” She slid inside her bathroom pulling the focus of her camera on the reflection in the mirror. “I live with four guys, and I have some things to say. Why do you always, and I mean ALWAYS, leave your socks around the house? The dirty ones. You know you could just throw them in the wash… there’s an idea.”
“We do!” Calum yelled
Y/N turned her face to the door and hollered, “Only after I’ve asked you to!”
“Do not!” he countered.
“Do too!” she exited the bathroom and into the hallway only to be met with the man standing there with his hands on his hips. “Then how.” Y/N pointed the camera towards the living area you could see from where the hallways overlooked the room. “Do you explain that?” And when she zoomed in, there, in a small pile laid two brown socks, all crumpled up and almost pushed underneath one of the three couches, as if someone was trying to hide them from sight.
Calum stammered for a bit. “Those are NOT mine.”
Y/N flipped the camera and looked at it like they do in the Office. “Help me,” she mouthed and finished the TikTok, pointing with her hand at him. “Ya disgustin’!”
Just as maturely as she had reacted, so did Calum by crossing his arms and sticking his tongue out, but their little bickering about whose socks they were and whose job was it to put them in the dirty wash (they were Ashton’s, and it was his job), Luke poked Y/N’s side as he came out from his room.
“I know might seem weird, but is there any chance another person could join our quarantine group?”
Y/N’s eyebrows rose. Sure, the house was giant, mostly because whatever production she was a part of on Broadway, after a successful season, she invited all of them there to get away from the bustle of New York and just chill. It was in the middle of the forest, encased by gorgeous mountains and at the side of a lake where they’d go jet skiing and cliff diving.
“I thought people can’t visit one another?”
“They can’t,” Luke confirmed. “That’s the point. The unfortunate soul just got stuck at a hotel not too far from here, and all the flights are cancelled. Two weeks of quarantine without symptoms have been concluded, but, knowing how impossible it’d be to get to London, when you know, as I said, there are no flights, I offered a place to stay.”
“So,” Y/N dramatically rolled her head. “You already offered to stay before asking me?”
“Well, I knew you’d say ‘yes’ because you’re a kind, generous, amazing, smart, talented, compassionate person and wouldn’t leave someone on the streets when you know you could help.”
“Mhm, keep talking.” Y/N squinted her eyes and put her hands on her hips.
“Incredible, best musician I’ve ever met, how you haven’t won all of Tony’s I’ve got no idea. Your acting skills are impeccable and the movie industry is missing out on a once in a lifetime kind of a talent by not castin-“
“Alright stop.” Y/N busted out laughing. “As long as you promise I won’t wake up with an axe in my head, ‘s fine.”
“Promise.”
“Good. Also, could you please get me three bottles of that wine I like?” Y/N hollered before skipping downstairs and to the kitchen where Ashton was brewing the tenth cup of coffee. “I have a deadline in two weeks and have literally no idea where to go with the story.” She referred to the second book of her series she was writing, and now with the lockdown going on, her literary agent was breathing down her neck, and it didn’t help she hadn’t written anything in like a month and didn’t remember half of the already exiting story.
Luke lifted a brow and hissed through his teeth. “That bad?”
“You have no idea,” she sighed and left for the living-room where she could harass the boys for their fries and procrastinate some more.
***
The few hours, while Luke was away, were quite uneventful. All of them sat around on the couch pit, wrote some music, lil bit of lyrics and Y/N almost cried seeing as her characters had decided to live their own life and not obey to her story.
“Why do you have to be such an idiot,” she mumbled under her breath and furrowed her brows as she wrote herself into a new plot hole.
Right as Y/N was about to delete the whole chapter, the door slammed open and she heard grunting. “We’re here!” Luke hollered, and the thought of wine made her giddy, making her leap over the edge of the couch, and rush to the front door only to stop dead in her tracks.
Y/N’s mouth hung open, not because of who the person joining their quarantine group was, but because of what the person was. “A fifth GUY?! You didn’t tell me it’d be a guy!”
“I didn’t think it’d matter!” Luke yelled back.
“There’s already four of you!” She pointed back to the living room hearing loads of ‘hey!’ being shouted back.
“Would you leave him on the streets if you’d known he was a dude?”
“No, of course not!”
“Why are we yelling?”
“I don’t know!”
“I mean, I can leave.” Harry Styles said pointing at the door, not really knowing what to do. He certainly hadn’t expected that sort of greeting. “But I do come bearing gifts.” He lifted a black bag where a clinking of glass could be heard.
“No,” she sighed. “It’s fine... I just… I just miss the company of vaginas.”
He raised a perfectly groomed eyebrow. “Vaginas?”
“People I can rant to. Honestly, it doesn’t even matter if you have a vagina, as long as we can have a good rant. Especially about the gross things like having all of your dirty socks thrown around the house.” She threw Luke a look that screamed ‘I know you pushed all of them under your bed, and it’s stinking up the whole place.’
Harry shook his head. “Ya not gonna find me leaving my clothes like that. Besides, ‘s disgusting.”
“No,” Luke whined, “come on, man! You’re supposed to be on our side!”
“It’s two against four,” Harry snickered, throwing his hand around Y/N’s shoulder, who gave Luke a smug grin, and it made her mimic the same expression.
“It’s evening out. Maybe you should actually invite some other people to quarantine with us. Say, Harry, is maybe Niall in need of a place to stay?”
Luke rolled his eyes, and shook his head, going into the kitchen and placing the food bags he’d been holding. “I hate you so much.”
Y/N’s smile just widened.
***
“Yes, I’m still stealing your series Irishman.” Y/N zoomed in on her face. “Because now…” she looked up at the ceiling in a manner ‘someone please save me’, “I’m living with FIVE dudes. Yes, FIVE. We have an addition. And if someone doesn’t come and kill me, I will kill them.”
“We’re not that bad!” Michael hollered form out of frame, to which Y/N yelled back, “Yes the fuck you are! Boys are gross. You do realize you’re allowed to have more than one towel. Like you DON’T have to wipe your face with a towel that’s soaked up your ball juice.”
“It’s economy.”
“It’s disgusting! Also.” Y/N turned the camera to Harry who was climbing up the stairs with a cup of coffee in hand. “Say ‘Hi’ to gremlin number five. He’s stolen all of my nail polish.”
He gave a cute wave with an adorable smile, muttering an unintelligible ‘Hello’ as his mouth was stuffed with a piece of bread and a very muffled ‘You don’t even use them.’
“Yes, but that’s not the point. Anyway,” Y/N pointed the camera at herself. “Tune in for an update whenever, as long as I haven’t strangled anyone, and pray to the heavens you don’t see my face in the papers cause the next time you do, it’ll be my mugshot for a quintuple homicide.”
“Is that a threat Y/L/N?” Harry smirked, as Y/N walked past him and took away his cup of coffee.
“No, it’s a promise.” She threw him a wink, leaving the Brit with his mouth open at the woman’s audacity, as she stopped the recording of the TikTok.
“That was my coffee!”
“Not anymore!”
He shook his head, turning back around and going to the kitchen, seeing Y/N perched on one of the stools, neck stretching over to where Ashton was watching a video on his phone, the black liquid in his cup now a creamy beige. Harry smiled. Maybe quarantine wasn’t going to be so bad.
***
Y/N’s head popped from the side of the door, bringing all of their attention to her. “You guys need to record anything right now?”
Luke shook his head, signifying the band was alright before turning to Harry who mimicked him, the tapping of his pen stopping. “Why?”
“Just got a call from Laurence, he said something’s wrong with the ‘Candy Store’ audio from yesterday. Need to rerecord it and send it over. Something about a faulty export or whatever.”
“ ‘S all yours.” Ashton motioned to the recording booth. “Oh, but can I be Heather Duke?”
“And can I be Heather McNamara then?” Luke piped in.
Y/N chuckled. “Not to burst your bubbles, but you do know you won’t be in the final version?”
“No, but we could be in THIS version. It’d be for our private files. And it’d help you.”
“That sounds so wrong.” She grimaced. “How would that help me?” Y/N plopped next to Harry on the floor. “You’re the biggest distractions I’ve ever met.”
Luke scoffed. “How dare you! We offer you our services of being backup singers, and you… you’re such a meanie. You’re such a Heather Chandler!”
“It’s 2020! If Leslie Odom Jr. can play Aaron Burr, then I can play one of the Heathers! Don’t be sexist, Y/N!”
“I never said a dude can’t play a Heather, don’t put words in my mouth. I just said last time we tried to record anything together we ended up playing SIMS for like seven hours, but… come on you two divas, get your asses inside then. But I swear if Laurence or Kevin call because one of you whispered something dirty in the background of MY parts, I will strangle you in your sleep.”
“How little trust do you have in us?”
“Very,” Y/N deadpanned, showing the two men inside, leaving Calum, Harry and Michael to man the production table. “If you mess with anything, your asses will be grass.” She pointed at the three and all of them put their hands up in surrender. “ ‘S bad enough you ruined my single.”
“It’s called giving it flavour,” Calum said through the microphone.
Y/N just responded by sticking her tongue out.
Michael lifted his fingers, counting down from five to one, giving her the cue to start.
“Are we gonna have a problem?” Y/N cocked her head to the side, already immersed in the character of Heather Chandler. “You’ve got a bone to pick? You’ve come so far, why now are you pulling on my dick?”
Harry swallowed hard.
“I’d normally slap your face off, and everyone here could watch,” she slightly motioned with her head to the audience behind the screen, a mockingly sweet smile on her lips. “But I’m feeling nice, here’s some advice, listen up biatch.”
When her hips started moving from side to side to the rhythm of the song, Harry swore he’d never found someone being mean (even though it was mock mean) so hot.
“I like,” Y/N raised her voice before dropping it. “Looking hot, buying stuff they cannot.”
There was no sight of the sweet and bubbly girl Harry had met. This was Queen-B of Westerberg High in flesh. He was transfixed.
“I like drinking hard, maxing dad’s credit card.”
She didn’t need anyone’s credit card to pay for her things, given how she was one of the top paid Broadway singers of their generation, and something in Harry skipped a beat at how confident she looked.
“I like skipping gym, scaring her, screwing him,” Y/N rolled the ‘r’ deeply in her throat, and he had to collect himself before his thoughts went to an unsavoury place.
“I like, killer clothes, kicking nerds in the nose!” With a smile, Y/N pointed at Luke who only rolled his eyes. “If you lack the balls, you can go play dolls, let yer mammy fix you a snack,” she emphasised the ‘K’ after having mockingly sung the bit before. “Or you could come smoke, pound some rum and coke, in ma Porche with the quarterback.”
As weird as it was to have the two boys be her fellow Heathers, Y/N hated to admit it did help her. It reminded her more of what it was like to be on stage before the pandemic had started and the production had to be shut down. And she missed them. All her fellow actors just as much as she missed the rush of getting on stage and losing herself in the role and atmosphere.
“You can join the team –“
“Or you can bitch and moan,” Y/N’s ‘Heathers’ sang in a nasally voice
“You can live the dream.”
“Or you can die alone.”
Harry snuck inside the recording booth, picking up a pair of headphones by the drum set.
“You can fly with eagles,”
“Or if you’d prefer,”
“Keep on testing me,”
“And end up like her!”
And that’s when Harry joined in, reciting the lines of both Veronica and Martha, and when he saw Y/N keeping a palm over her mouth as she tried to keep a mean face while inevitably hiding a smile. The whole of the song, despite how Ashton, Luke and Harry had tried to make Y/N break character (she came close a couple of times), the woman stayed on the line, not missing a beat, and especially enjoying the moment where she looked at Luke, who was about to hit the high note and screaming ‘shut up, Heather!’
Harry couldn’t help the smile splitting apart his face. When Luke had first picked up his call, having known he and the gang were somewhere in the Utah region, he had thought he’d be living with just the guys, and when he found out it was actually Y/N Y/L/N renting the cabin, the girl he’d admired for so long for how brave and utterly unapologetic she was of being herself, Harry had just thought he’d gain a new friend, not have romantic feelings spring up.
And all of it had happened in the span of two days, not even that much. He’d arrived the evening before, had met the woman, and now it was three PM on day two and was already in love.
It was an exhilarating and terrifying feeling all at once. Some studies said it takes men eight seconds to fall in love, which Harry now could pretty much confirm, while it takes women generally fifteen days to fall in love. And he could only hope Y/N might have some feelings for him as well, otherwise, he’d have to scold his heart for falling quickly once again.
***
It was the middle of the night, wind slamming against the windows when Harry got awoken by people talking behind his door. At first, he was ready to fight, thinking immediately that intruders had come into the house, but when he heard a ‘fuck off Michael’ and a ‘you fuck off, you’re gonna ruin this’, he understood everything was fine. And he was just about to lay back down on the soft pillows, but as the saying went – curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back, so he threw off the covers and lightly went to the door, where a bleary Harry appeared on the stairs making Y/N and Michael whip their heads towards him and freeze on the spot.
“What are you two do-“ but he didn’t get to finish the question as the two co-conspirators shushed him.
“You’re either in,” Y/N whispered harshly, “or out. Choose Styles.”
A beat. “What kind of trouble’re we getting’ into?”
The smile which spread on her face was nothing short of wicked. “Revenge,” Y/N hissed.
“Be quieter than a mouse,” she whispered to him, and now the trio moved downstairs.
“Who are we getting revenge on?” Harry spoke as quietly as he could, as they rounded the corner and exited the cabin through the back door. It was colder than he thought, seeing how the wind wasn’t warm at all, and he was grateful he’d fallen asleep in his favourite rainbow cardigan. How Y/N and Michael didn’t even shiver in their barely-there pyjamas he didn’t understand.
“See, Luke here thought it was a good idea to not heed my warning about not messing with my recording.”
Harry’s eyebrows scrunched up. “He didn’t.” He knew Luke hadn’t, he was there the whole time and listened back to what they’d sung with everyone together.
“No, but he did rename a different file with the same name I had for the 'Heathers'' recording, on MY computer, mind you. And well, let’s just say, it was not what anyone wanted to hear.”
Harry had to swallow, as his mind went to unsavoury places, and as Y/N shimmied open the lock of the window to the studio bathroom part of the house, she looked over her shoulder to see his expression. It would seem, despite him being in ‘Dunkirk’ and having been confirmed to play Eric in the live-action ‘The Little Mermaid’ he wasn’t as good of an actor as he thought.
“Get your mind out of the gutter,” she snickered and pulled herself inside the house through the window, Michael handing her a black duffle bag Harry hadn’t first noticed. “It was a conversation I had with my friends while we were all drunk. Some tea, some very personal tea was spilt, and so.” She unzipped the bag slowly and took out a whipped cream can. “I’m going to spill something else.”
Canned cheese was one of the most disgusting things ever created by a human in Y/N’s opinion. So, squeezing nine cans worth of the stuff inside all of Luke’s socks, jean pockets and everywhere else possible was good enough revenge for her.
“Why are we in the studio though?” Harry asked as the trio crept towards the bathroom door and peeked through the open sliver. It was pitch black.
“Because Luke teds to forget his favourite things here,” Michael explained and motioned for them to follow as he checked that the hallway was clear. It was go-time.
Together they all snuck back inside the recording studio, and much like Michael had said – Luke’s favourite jean jacket, a woollen jumper, three pairs of boots and shoes were all scattered around the place. He hadn’t even noticed it while they’d hung out there, but now Harry understood what Y/N was talking about while whining about the boys being messy.
She uncapped the can and squeezed, the artificial smell of cheese wafting through the air, making her almost gag. “That’s for being a bad friend,” she muttered while filling up one shoe. “That’s for making bad jokes.” She filled up another. “And that’s for saying ‘Dancing in the Moonlight’ is an overrated song.’
It was hard for Harry to contain the giggles, as he uncapped his own can and started filling up wherever Y/N pointed to. Did he feel bad? Sure. But was it fun to feel like a teenager in a university dorm during a prank war? Abso-fucking-lutely. And it didn’t help that he was desperately falling in love with Y/N with every second they spent together. Like she could’ve asked him to hide Luke’s corpse, and he’d say he’d take the blame for the murder if it came to it.
“Why did we have to sneak around the place like that?” he suddenly asked, brows furrowing in concentration as he squeezed the smelly contents inside the inside pocket of the jacket. “Why couldn’t we have just walked through the house?”
“Because Luke always and I mean always comes to the studio at 3 AM,” Y/N stated.
Harry looked at the clock. It was 2:45 AM already.
“But before that, he goes into the kitchen, makes himself a double espresso, a sandwich and eats it before going into the storage where we keep all of the instruments, which is where he is in right now. Had we snuck through the normal way, he would’ve seen us and stopped this. And that just wouldn’t fly.”
However, it was like Luke had a sixth sense as right at that moment the light flipped on, and like deer in headlights, the trio’s heads shot up and eyes widened.
“What the fuck!” he whispered hand extended in the direction of the already six empty cans on the floor.
Y/N snapped out of the adrenaline induced frozen state and shrugged. “I told you not to mess with the recording.” She put her finger back on the squeezable part. “And you. Didn’t. Listen.”
The cheese squirted out with a splutter, and all of them stood still as the final bits dropped into Luke’s black boot. “And that’s payback.”
With a sway in her hips, Y/N exited the room, leaving the three men to gawk after her.
God was she a hurricane, Harry thought to himself. And he’d never been as happy to be caught right in the eye of it all.
***
The next few days all of them spent lounging around the house, recording a few songs, most of them by Harry seeing as a huge wave of inspiration had hit him, making him write more than one love song. He even asked Y/N somewhat shyly if she could do some of the backing vocals, and he swore the song went from a 3 to a 100 the second he heard her voice weave his lyrics into a symphony.
By that point, they’d been quarantining for a week and a half together, and a heatwave was coming up. The cabin had both an inside and outside pool which they’d all had to learn how to maintain, seeing as no one could come and do it for them, and a jacuzzi tub on the terrace. As much as the boys tried to prove they knew how to keep the places clean, ultimately it was Y/N who saved all of them from chlorine poisoning and algae overgrowth.
So, it was right when she pulled out the pH indicator and said it was good for use when with a scream, Luke rushed forward Y/N, rugby tackling her by the waist and plunged both of them down to the water below.
“You asshole!” She splashed at him, laughing and choking out a bit of water as they resurfaced. “What the fuck is wrong with you!”
“That’s payback for the cheese.”
She went silent for a second, but then shrugged. “Can’t say I didn’t deserve it. But you did deserve the cheese.”
“So,” Luke extended his hand for a shake. “Do we call this even?”
Harry exited the cabin right as both of them completely soaked to the bone jumped out onto the wood floor. He stopped mid-walk if only to control where his eyes went seeing as Y/N’s white shirt clung to her body and well… didn’t leave much for the imagination anymore.
“Do I wanna know what happened here?” He raised a brow.
“Retribution.”
“Though I do gotta say, you have a funny way of getting revenge.” Y/N smirked at Luke, making him squint down at the girl.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean,” she drawled out, a mischievous smile on her lips, “that when I filled your clothes with the cheese, my stuff didn’t get stinky. And yet, from your end… I’m not the only one wet.”
A beat passed.
“God fucking damn it.”
“Hey!” She pointed a finger at him. “We called a truce!”
Luke waved her off. “Yeah yeah, whatever,” but Y/N grabbed Luke’s hand right before he went inside and squeezed it.
“We good?”
He sighed and smiled. “We good, sweetheart.” He pressed a kiss to the top of her head, gave Harry a quick ‘see ya later’ as well and disappeared through the glass doors.
Harry didn’t know what’d happened to him. He’d always been a helpless romantic, falling in love, and maybe a bit too hard at that, but this time, even without Y/N knowing about his feelings, his heart felt safe.
Sure, the side of her he’d seen was a complete headcase, and she had more energy than a bull with a red flag in front of it, but the utter love exuding from the woman, even while she complained about her four, well five counting him, housemates was palpable in the air. The way she hugged and made sure everyone had whatever they needed, the way she let them know if anyone needed to have a chat, she’d be there to listen, and the small little things of how she always knew what preferences they’d have for their pancakes or breakfast in general, made his heart melt.
�� “Luke’s a lucky guy.” Harry swallowed before saying that. As much as seeing Y/N be affectionate with everyone, him included, made him feel all fuzzy, a little jealousy monster did bubble up in his stomach when he saw her snuggled next to the lead vocalist of the band. He didn’t have any right to, but no matter how much he tried to repress the green beast, it still lurked somewhere deep in his heart.
“Hm?” Y/N lifted her head where she’d been looking at the water as she squeezed it out of her shirt and up at Harry.
He motioned with his chin to where Luke had disappeared. “He’s a lucky guy to have someone like you.”
“Oh, we’re not together if that’s what you’re implying.”
“I –“ he stammered. “I didn’t mean to offend y-“
But Y/N waved him off. “You’re not the first nor probably the last person to say that. I get it. They asked me one time to surprise their fans at a concert in Connecticut, I think, and when their photographer sent over the pictures, I kinda saw what everyone kept saying, but I’ve never looked at any of them as more than a friend. Best friends, brothers maybe, but nothing more.”
“How’d ya get so close?” Harry enquired, his chest feeling a bit lighter.
Y/N huffed and plopped down to the ground, patting the place beside her which Harry took. “When I first went solo, right after being on ‘Beetlejuice’ I was fucking terrified. Didn’t really know anyone in the music industry like that. Being on Broadway’s different.” She shrugged. “And the award shows are different as well. Like with ‘Tony’s’ or ‘Oliver’ awards it’s you know – musical and theatre geeks. My people. But the first time I went to VMAs I almost shat myself.” She chuckled, and Harry did the same. “Didn’t know anyone at all, was petrified to even find my seat because someone told me I’d have to sit between Lady Gaga and Rihanna, and my heart was not ready for that. Ashton saw me at the edge of the carpet, creeping around the entrance and kinda…” Y/N bit her lip looking for the right words. “I dunno. They kinda took me under their wing, in a sense – if you need a friend in the industry, we’re here, that sort of thing. And ever since then, we’ve been best friends. Luke and I just got the closest because we got stuck in an elevator once for like eight hours once, and well, boredom and thinking you’re gonna die in a four by four-foot box brings people closer.”
Harry almost choked. “Eight hours?”
“Yep.” Y/N popped the ‘p’ and gave him a sarcastic smile. “It was like soooo much fun,” she said sarcastically. “I totally didn’t think the elevator was about to drop from where we were up on like the sixtieth floor, and both of us were gonna get our bones smashed to pieces, and I only had two protein bars, and you know how I get without food,” she stated. He nodded.
“Cranky.”
“Exactly. But.” Y/N chuckled. “We didn’t die. Which’s great, not complaining, and I gained one of my all-time best friends.”
“Well, I’m glad you didn’t die.” Harry gave her a warm smile and nudged her foot with his. “Wouldn’t have gotten the chance to meet you otherwise.”
She nudged his foot back. “ ‘M glad I didn’t die either. And I gotta say – you’ve made this whole quarantine bearable. Sometimes it’s like fighting with four toddlers, and that’s always a futile battle. Happy to have another wrangler with me. Also an accessory to my crimes.”
He inched his hand towards hers, and when Y/N didn’t pull away instead liked her pinkie with his, a warm feeling rushed through him.
“Happy to be of help.”
***
It was two nights later or full two weeks since the six of them had been together when things took a turn.
Y/N’d always been a light sleeper, especially when her life was mainly placed in New York, but now, living in the middle of nowhere, she’d been able to catch up on some sleep. That was when the sound of her door being opened made Y/N shot up in her bed, sheets clutched at her chest in a panic. “What? What’s wrong? What did Calum set on fire?”
“Nothing.” Harry’s eyebrows scrunched up, but he decided not to ask. There was the morning for that. “This might seem weird, but could I uh could I possibly sleep in your room?”
She blinked a couple of times, because her brain was still processing his words and if they were even English, but once they registered, Y/N nodded, pulling back her blanket and scooting over. “C’mere.”
“Again, I’m sorr-“
Y/N shushed him, as Harry climbed in the bed, placing the duvet underneath his arm and twisting to see her, as she mumbled, “less talk, more sleep.”
He hummed in agreement. His eyes were heavy, in fact, they’d become heavy the instant his head had hit Y/N’s pillow, but it was like his heart, the same poor heart that’d had to deal with the newfound emotions for the whole time he’d been there, the same poor heart that didn’t know better and always gave itself away to the person it deemed to be worthy, no matter if in the end it ended up broken, took over the control of his eyes and mouth, and while slamming against Harry’s ribcage, he whispered his confession.
“I really like you… As more than a friend.”
A second passed. He felt Y/N stir as she turned towards him, brow furrowed. “Sorry?”
“I said…” He let out a shaky exhale. “I like you. I fell for you pretty much the second I entered the house and you threatened to throw me out because I was a guy. And then I fell for you when I saw you let loose in the studio. And then once more when I witnessed what your wrath entails.”
Y/N chuckled. “Cheese.”
“Yeah…” He let out a little laugh. “Cheese.”
A gentle palm went to brush away the hair stuck to Y/N’s face and he swore he could just melt as she leaned into his touch. “And then I fell for you when you said yes to singing my song… when you sang the lyrics, I dedicated to you… and every second I fall for you even more… I just… I thought you should know…”
“Well, I can only hope that you’ll take this as a compliment then, when I say I kinda like you too, Styles,” she mumbled snuggling deeper into her pillow. “Though I didn’t think I was your type.”
“What’s my type then?” he mumbled back, letting his arms wrap around Y/N’s waist when she shuffled closer. Not only was he now fully in heaven because he was covered by the softest duvet in the world, head resting against a literal cloud, but also because his nostrils were invaded by the gentlest of smells, and the body against his was the warmest of comforts.
“Well, not girls like me.”
“You mean talented, beyond funny and absolutely breath-taking?”
“Introverted, house hermits who don’t wash their hair unless they have to go somewhere with a perchance of self-destructive behaviour. Unintentional that is.”
Harry’s eyebrows lifted. “Would’ve never taken you for an introvert.”
“Mmmh,” Y/N sighed, feeling his fingers skim her skin. “That’s because I’ve known those guys for years, and they’re like my brothers. Couldn’t be uncomfortable even if I tried with them. We’ve seen too much of each other. But I’m definitely an introvert. Almost had a panic attack the first time I had to make my own doctor’s appointment.”
“You didn’t seem shy with me.”
“That’s because for some weird reason I… I didn’t feel awkward around you. And I mean, you did bring wine.”
She could feel Harry’s chest rumble as he laughed. “Well, I hope it helped with inspiration.”
“Ugh, don’t remind me,” she huffed, but opened her bleary eyes and were met by Harry’s green already staring back. She couldn’t contain the giggle, and it only grew in power as he chuckled himself, making her bury her head in his chest.
“What?”
“Nothing,” she shook her head. “Just never thought I’d date someone from 1D.”
“Are we below you or something?” There was no trace of malice and hurt in his voice. He knew Y/N wasn’t like that.
“No, ‘s just my boy band phase was ‘Good Charlotte’, ‘Panic at the D!sco,’ ‘My Chem’ and the sort.”
“So, you weren’t fainting while listening to ‘You Don’t Know You’re Beautiful’?” Harry mumbled in Y/N’s hair, sleep slowly overtaking him.
She shook her head. “Sorry, no. Panties definitely weren’t dropping then.”
“Are they now?”
“According to ‘Watermelon Sugar’ you’re the one pulling all of ‘em off.”
“Damn. Guess it’ll have to be my new challenge.”
Y/N’s eyebrows scrunched up as she looked at him before promptly falling asleep. “Making my panties drop?”
“Yep. But this time because of me, not Gerard Way.”
“Bold of you to assume it was just Gerard Way. I’m a slut for all of those wizard dads.”
By the time she slurred out the last sentence both of them had drifted off into a peaceful slumber.
***
“They were right!” Harry shouted jumping up in the bed, startling Y/N awake once more as if something was breaking down on their heads with how urgently he jolted. “It does take women two weeks to fall in love and men 8 seconds.”
A pillow met his face. “Fall back asleep.”
He leaned over her still horizontal form, a smug smile on his face. “Are you gonna make a TikTok about it?”
“Probably ‘bout how I murdered the boyfriend I was with for three hours if he doesn’t let me sleep.”
He didn’t argue. With a smile on his face, Harry drifted off once more. Who knew that getting stuck in a hotel somewhere in Utah would lead him to the love of his life?
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A/N: So... I know I’ve been gone for quite a while, but that’s because I have a job now (I’m trying to get a different one that actually would involve my degree, because this one is absolutely killing me), so please be understanding with the spare posting. I still love writing fics, and as evident, I’m kina branching out into other fandoms :D
There’s a lot of things going on in my life, so if you wanna follow me you can do that on Instagram @dinnusa or @read_with_dee or on my blog dinnusa.wordpress.com :) I also have a TikTok @dinmasters
P.S. feedback is always appreciated :)
P.S.S. If you wanna be tagged please drop a message :) or if you want to be removed/ changed to a different tag list please also message me :)
#harry styles#harry styles imagine#harry styles x reader#harry styles x fem!reader#harry styles x y/n#harry styles x you#fanfics#harry styles fandom#harry styles fanfiction#one direction#fine line#imagines#broadway#one direction imagine#five seconds of summer#5 seconds of summer#5sos#my chem#my chemical romance#gerard way#1d#ashton irwin#luke hemmings#calum hood#michael clifford
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The Inherent Domesticity of Target’s Home Decor Section
Pairing: Michael Clifford/Calum Hood
Rating: Teen
Word Count: 2076
Read on AO3
Michael has mixed feelings about Target. On one hand, Target is better than Walmart, and he appreciates that they get to design different album covers and sell special editions there. On the other hand, walking into Target makes him feel like he should have his life together more. That’s not to say that his life is a disaster; his life is actually pretty great, and he feels like a fully functioning adult. However, the store still gives him the niggling feeling that he should buy a planner and some post-it notes and turn into a suburban mom.
“Do you think I should buy a planner?” he asks. Calum hums, reading the back of a DVD that’s on sale for $5. When he shifts to put it back on the shelf, Michael shifts right with him, arms around his stomach and cheek plastered against his shoulder. It’s earlier in the morning than Michael would like, so Calum gets the privilege of holding him up as punishment for dragging him out into the world at this time of day.
“Why do you need a planner? Ashton takes care of that stuff for the band,” Calum says. He picks up another DVD and flips it over.
“Yeah, but maybe I should put down everyone’s birthday or something,” he says. Calum snorts and Michael pinches his side, because he’s apologized for forgetting his birthday that one time sincerely and profusely and gave Calum a pretty spectacular blowjob to make up for it.
“Would you even use it?” Calum asks. Michael considers and has to concede his point.
They look at DVDs for a few more minutes because Calum gets a kick out of what a place like Target choses to stock in their meger selection. Michael lets him slip some animated thing he thinks he watched once as a kid into the basket, content to stand there while Calum takes his time and just breathe him in. He loves being close to Calum, letting his familiar smell fill his nostrils and leeching body heat. He lets their breathing sync up and imagines that he can hear his heartbeat, slow and steady and almost putting him to sleep standing up.
Nowhere feels like home quite like Calum does. Even in the middle of Target, Michael feels better than he ever has alone in his house. It makes him wonder why he’s even living alone, and why Calum pulled away and they stopped messing around when neither of them have girlfriends.
The bottom line is that he misses Calum nearly every moment they’re apart, but he doesn’t know how to articulate this without the crushing fear of rejection. Calum loves him, and he knows that a significant part of Calum’s world revolves around Michael, but that doesn’t mean they necessarily love each other in the same way. Michael wants grocery shopping and kisses and late night cuddles regardless of if they have somewhere to be in the morning and lazy sex and laughing at each other’s ridiculousness so hard that he can’t breathe. Calum wants a platonic best friend.
“What else do we still need to get?” Calum asks, shaking Michael out of his reverie.
“Toothpaste, I think. And vitamins.”
“Look at you, being healthy and shit.”
Michael pokes his side and Calum tries to wriggle away, giggling because Michael knows exactly which spot tickles the most.
“Just because I don’t let Ashton drag me to yoga like you do doesn’t mean I’m unhealthy. I get the most sleep out of any of us and I drink a fuckton of water.”
“I know, I know,” Calum says. “Want to check the CDs?”
It’s a distraction tactic, because Michael will always check the one-shelf CD selection, especially so soon after one of their own releases. Michael makes the conscious decision to allow himself to be distracted.
“Okay. CDs, then toothpaste, then vitamins, then I want to look at the home decor.”
“What do you want to look at the home decor for?”
Michael shrugs, knowing that Calum can feel it. There’s just no non-incriminating way to say I like to see your reactions and pretend that we’re picking out stuff for our house because I might be fully in love with you and I want you in every single crevice of my life.
That’s the issue with Target: it makes him feel domestic and long for things he can’t have.
“Excuse me?” a new voice says, and Michael first feels a twinge of annoyance at someone interrupting his moment and then a twinge of panic that it could be a fan when he definitely doesn’t have the emotional or physical energy to put on a public persona. One look at the owner of the voice dispels that notion. The woman is on the later side of middle-aged and looks pretty much exactly like the kind of woman who cooks meatloaf and has 3 cats and actually does go to Target to buy planners. As inclusive as the band tries to make their music, Michael can admit that she’s not exactly in their immediate wheelhouse for fans. Nevertheless, he straightens up a bit, but the woman is smiling so he thinks he can maybe get away with still locking his arms around Calum’s waist.
“Sorry to bother you, but I just wanted to say that you boys make such a cute couple! It’s so nice to see young people in love.”
Michael stiffens, but Calum puts a hand on his arm, effectively anchoring him in place before he can pull away.
“Thank you. It’s nice to be in love,” Calum says, and Michael’s breath stutters in his throat.
The woman beams and for a moment Michael thinks she’s going to reach out and pinch Calum’s cheeks, but she just bids them a good day and continues towards the books.
“CDs?” Calum asks, casual as anything. Michael nods and fully pulls away, not trusting himself to speak or to touch.
It was just a nice thing to say to a romantic woman, but it’s nice to be in love plays on repeat in his head like a broken record. He knows, he knows that it doesn’t mean anything, but Michael would give almost anything to have it be the truth.
There are five copies of the Target exclusive edition of CALM on the shelf. There’s also a Neil Diamond greatest hits collection and a few random soundtracks that Calum points out, but Michael can barely focus. He kind of wants to skip the toothpaste and go straight home, but he also doesn’t want Calum to question why that small interaction with the woman threw him so off kilter. By the time they make it through the checkout and back to Michael’s car, he feels like he’s going to vibrate out of his skin.
Calum waits until they’re out of the parking lot to start talking.
“I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable earlier. That wasn’t my intention. I just figured that was the easiest response. I know we’re not--I know we don’t do that anymore.��
In a different world where Michael hasn’t kept a very tight lid on his feelings for his best friend for the past eight years, he would have crashed the car.
“I know,” he says instead. Silence fills the space, heavy and uncomfortable. Michael keeps his eyes resolutely on the road and tries not to read too much into how Calum keeps taking a breath as if he wants to talk before cutting himself off.
“And I understand,” Calum says suddenly, almost causing Michael to swerve. “I understand why we’re not together anymore.”
“What,” Michael says.
“I’m not trying to get you back, or whatever. I know you don’t think of me like that.”
“That I don’t--” Michael chokes. “I’m sorry, what?”
“Come on, don’t make me say it,” Calum says, shifting in his seat.
“No, hang on. I don’t understand what you’re saying to me right now.”
“Mike, stop it. Now you’re just being mean.”
“Calum, you’re the one who pulled away from me. Personally, I don’t understand why we’re not together anymore. I didn’t even know that we were!”
“That’s bullshit! What did you think we were, if not together?”
“I don’t know, fucking around? I thought we stopped because you got bored of me.”
“Michael, we stopped because we got asked about ships in an interview and you got really weird about it.”
“Yeah, because I’ve been in love with you for half my life!”
Silence descends, and Michael absolutely cannot look at Calum right now. The only things that exist are the steering wheel in his grip and the strip of road in front of him. There’s still a good ten minutes until he reaches his house, and Michael is very content to spend those ten minutes pretending like he is alone and has not just revealed his biggest secret during an argument that he still doesn’t quite understand.
“Pull over.”
No such luck, apparently.
“Michael, pull over right now.”
He eases over and puts the car in park, letting his hands fall into his lap.
“You’re in love with me?” Calum asks. Michael nods. “We’re so stupid.”
“What?” Michael asks, finally looking over at Calum. He doesn’t look uncomfortable or sad, he looks exasperated. Michael isn’t sure what that’s supposed to mean.
“We’re idiots. We could’ve been happily dating this whole time. Hell, we probably could’ve been married by now,” Calum says. “I’m in love with you, too.”
Michael blinks at him and really wishes his brain was operating a bit faster.
“Calum,” he says, for lack of anything else.
“Michael,” Calum grins right back.
“Are you serious?” he asks. Calum rolls his eyes.
“Why would I joke about this?”
Michael shrugs helplessly.
“Michael,” Calum says seriously. “I made you park the car. We just had a conversation that obviously made you uncomfortable. Why the fuck would I be joking right now?”
Michael shrugs helplessly again.
“You love me?” he asks. Calum reaches over and grabs one of his hands.
“I’m head over heels, crazy in love with you. It’s pathetic. It’s ridiculous. I want to jump you in this car right now.”
Michael laughs.
“Not in broad daylight,” he says. Calum smiles in a way that makes something settle in Michael’s stomach, something that he hadn’t realized had been unsettled ever since they stopped seeing each other.
Fuck. He’s so lucky.
“I’m in love with you, too,” he says. Calum’s smile widens.
“I know,” he says. “You just told me that.”
“Well, I wanted to tell you again.”
“Well, I’m in love with you, too.”
They’re talking in circles now--wonderful, love-sick circles--and Michael is thankful for multiple reasons when Calum breaks it by leaning over the center console to kiss him. Calum’s lips are familiar under his, and even after months without feeling them Michael has them memorized. This kiss feels different, though. There’s a surety to it that they haven’t had before, a question and agreement that thrills him.
“You’re sure you don’t want to roll around in the back seat right now?” Calum asks softly when they part. Michael grins and knocks their foreheads together.
“You’re funny,” he says. “Ha, ha.”
Calum kisses him again. Michael could definitely get used to this. If their previous conversation is any indication, he’ll have plenty of time and opportunity to get used to this.
This time when the kiss breaks, Calum fully leans back rather than keep breathing his air.
“Okay,” he says. “Let’s go home, Michael. We’ve got years of a honeymoon phase to catch up on.”
Michael puts the car in drive and eases back onto the road. They’ll have time to drive around again later, because Michael definitely wants to do another circuit of the Target home decor section with this new revelation. Maybe he’ll try to find a card for the woman who confused them for a couple, just in case they happen to run into her by the post-it notes or planners.
Either way, Michael thinks that Target might be his favorite store now. He glances at Calum to find him already looking at him and his chest warms.
Yeah, Target is definitely his favorite store, but he’d be okay with never setting foot in it again if it meant he could keep spending time with his favorite person.
Thankfully, the way that Calum leans over to kiss him at a red light seems to mean that he agrees.
#my writing#malum#5sos fic#5sos fanfiction#i began this in may of 2020 so it's an alternate universe with no covid#can you believe it took me this long to finish lol#also i feel like this is an interesting way to see how my writing style has changed#this is very helen-influenced i think#the title for this in my google drive is t-t-t-t-TARGET
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I Love You | Ashton Irwin
Requested? Yes! I hope you like it!
Warnings? A bit angsty, swearing
Summary: After Ashton proposes and you say no, you two have a bit of a falling out. However, you soon realize that you don’t want to give up on the best thing that’s ever happened to you.
Word Count: 1,398
Part 1 is here
“Please start acting like it.”
It felt like you were punched in the stomach when Ashton let those words loose at you. While you knew the turned down proposal was heartbreaking for him you didn’t know it was hurting him this badly.
You tried to respond, tried to say anything to make it up to him right then and there but nothing was working. At your silence, Ashton left and you hadn’t seen him for two weeks since.
It had practically been radio silence and you honestly deserved it. Ashton deserved someone better than you, someone, who was ready to jump fully into this relationship without any hesitation. But you weren’t ready to let him go yet. You’ve loved him for years now and you were certain that wasn’t going to stop anytime soon but you knew you had to do something to fix this.
After what felt like years of spending time alone in your hometown, you hear a knock on your door one day. You drag yourself out of bed, a place you felt like you hadn’t moved from much recently and headed over. You looked through the small peephole and you’re certain your eyes are deceiving you.
“Calum?” you ask quietly.
“Hey bub,” he says and you step aside to let him into your apartment. It’s quiet as he walks into your apartment and makes his way over to your couch in the living room.
It’s silent as you sit across from him, the only noise heard is your soft thud onto the couch and his slight movements to face you. The room is chilly and you’re wrapped up in one of Ashton’s old sweatshirts, something you’re subconscious of now in front of Calum as you pull the sleeves down over your hands.
“Please tell me you haven’t been hiding out here,” Cal finally says and you smile sheepishly.
“You need to get out doll.”
“How is he?” you ask brushing off his worries.
“Could be better. Could be worse,” he admits and you sigh and bury your head in your hands.
“I fucked up Calum,” you mumble through the sweatshirt material. You feel him move closer and wrap an arm around your shoulders, slowly rubbing circles on your back.
While you didn’t always see Ashton’s bandmates and best friends as much as you wish you did, you still were pretty close with them. Calum and you became the closest, always joking around and hanging out when you could. You two traded advice and jokes easily. You were grateful that he was here but still a bit confused.
“Why are you here Cal? You should be taking care of Ashton,” you say propping your head up to look at him.
“I care about you too. I want to help you two work this out if I can.”
“That’s the thing, Cal,” you say standing and pushing your hands through your hair. “I know what I did. I said no, I shattered his heart, his trust, our relationship.”
“Then apologize. Make it up to him, show him you love him.”
“What if it’s not enough?” you ask desperately, finally letting out some of the fears you’ve had all this time.
“What if I tell him I love him, accept his proposal, we get married, and I’m not enough. I’m never going to be enough for him because he deserves the best Calum and it’s destroying me that I can’t give that to him and I’m only hurting him every second I don’t tell him this.”
As you talk, Calum stands and pulls you into a tight embrace somehow making you feel better and worse at the same time. He wraps his arms tight around you, rubbing your back slowly to get you to calm down and you try to take deep breaths as he does so.
“Can I tell you something?” he asks when you’re able to breathe evenly. You nod and Calum pulls you back onto the couch, holding your hands in his.
“Ashton talks about you all the time. Since the day he met you to the day this has happened you’re still the first topic of conversation to him. You mean everything to him. He loves you so much and I know he’ll love you through this.”
You take a deep breath and offer Calum a shaky smile before responding. “Thank you for telling me that.”
“Let’s go get your man huh?”
What Calum had failed to tell you is that he actually flew out to see you, and to get you back to Los Angeles as soon as possible to see Ashton. On the flight out he would tell you how bad the two of you were doing and if someone wasn’t going to intervene now, he didn’t know what was going to happen. You ended up punching him in the arm for that, but thanking him directly after for the help.
“Do you wanna stop at my house first before seeing him or?” Cal asks unsure of what to do when you land.
You shake your head, now determined to get your boyfriend back. “No, I need to see him first. I’ll go crazy if I don’t.”
You stand on your tiptoes and press a kiss to Calum’s cheek before pulling him into a quick hug.
“Thank you for everything.”
You two part ways and you promise him you’ll text him updates after you get to Ashton’s house. The entire way there, you rehearse what you want to say to him, everything you love about him, every apology you can come up with, and every scenario possible.
The minute the car stops you’re frozen. It’s pouring in LA, a rare sight and one you’re almost thankful for as it brings you a sense of ease. You stare at his house and a million memories flash through your brain. You take a deep breath, steadying your hands before thanking the driver and finally stepping out of the car.
You’re soaked from head to toe instantly but wait as the car pulls aways behind you before you move. With one final deep breath in, you march towards Ashton’s front door and knock.
Time stops the minute the door swings open and he stands in front of you, clad in gray sweatpants, a band t-shirt, and his hair pushed down in a mess. You almost crack a smile considering you’ve always loved seeing Ashton like this, it was when he was the most handsome to you.
“(y/n)?” At the sight of you standing in the rain, Ashton subconsciously steps towards you causing him to get rained on too.
“I’m sorry!” you start forgetting every speech you rehearsed in your head. “I’m sorry I said no. I’m sorry I let you leave. I’m sorry I made you feel like I don’t love you.”
“(y/n/n),” he begins and takes another step but you stop him.
“I love everything about you Ash. I love the way you wake up every morning and the first thing you do is greet me with a kiss or text me if we’re away from each other. I love that you care about others so much that you’d do practically anything for them. I love the way your eyes light up when you hear your favorite song.” You declare and at this point, Ashton is only a foot away from you.
“And I’m really hoping you still love me. Because I love you and I always have and I always will and I’ll spend the rest of our lives proving it if you let me.”
“Are you serious?” he asks and now you’re inches apart.
“I am. I’ll prove it in any way I can just please say you love me too.”
His eyes search yours for a moment and you’re terrified for the second of silence that follows your grand speech. But then his hands are placed on your cheeks and he’s pulling you closer and closer.
“Of course I love you. I’ll love you till the end of time.”
“Thank god,” you whisper but you’re cut off by Ashton’s lips pressing fervently on yours.
The rain slides down your faces and lips and your hands are bunched into his t-shirt trying to pull him closer than he is. When you break apart you’re practically beaming up at the boy you love and he pulls you in again.
#ashton irwin#calum hood#luke hemmings#michael clifford#5 seconds of summer#5sos#ashton irwin imagine#calum hood imagine#luke hemmings imagine#michael clifford imagine#5 seconds of summer imagine#5sos imagine#ashton 5sos#calum 5sos#luke 5sos#michael 5sos#imagine#bravebesson
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remember when we couldn’t take the heat || ashton irwin
a lovely anon requested another trope fic for @kindahoping4forever and i to tag team, so we did.
As always Crystal is amazing and please share love with her as well (i do share any comments you all leave with her as well!) With her help I really think we were able to take this to next level, so it would not be this good without her! I hope you all love it!
You check your bag one last time before zipping it shut. You check your phone, seeing you still had about an hour before Michael and Crystal picked you up on their way to the airport.
A week long getaway at an all inclusive resort with five of your best friends (and one last minute addition of a new significant other) was exactly what you needed.
You thanked your lucky stars every night that Kay Kay was too busy, meaning Ashton had decided not to go. The two of you had never gotten along and you don't think you'd ever be able to relax if he was there.
So you're more than disappointed to see him strolling up to the gate. The second you spot him, you groan to Sierra, “You guys promised me he wouldn’t be here.”
She frowns and rushes over to have a quick sidebar with Luke. She returns, super apologetic and quickly explains that Ashton's relationship had recently blown up again and that he had texted Luke last night some vague questions about the trip but they had no idea that meant he intended to tag along.
“Well. He better not be next to me," you pout, crossing your arms.
But of course he is, because why not start off your relaxing vacation this way? And instead of seeming heartbroken about his break up, he’s flirting with all the flight attendants and every girl in line around him, until he sees he’s sitting next to you. He plops in the seat and immediately scrunches his face up.
“There’s gotta be another seat,” he grumbles, flagging down a flight attendant who assures him it's a full flight and there is in fact not a single other seat available.
“You’ve gotta be kidding me," Ash murmurs after the flight attendant walks away.
“Not like this is my dream flight either, buddy,” you groan.
Sensing the already mounting tension, Luke looks across the aisle with an apologetic smile to you and mouths ‘Sorry.'
Ashton immediately pulls out headphones and makes a big show out of ignoring you. He pulls his leather jacket off, accidentally elbowing your shoulder and smacking the sleeve in your face.
“What the fuck, Irwin?" You seethe.
He glares at you and shrugs, going back to his music.
Who the fuck wears a leather jacket to a fucking beach getaway? Could he look any less practical? You wonder briefly if he even brought anything suitable for the weather before you realize you shouldn’t give a single fuck about what’s in his bag.
You successfully ignore each other through the rest of boarding and take-off. At the earliest possible opportunity you order a drink and he comments, "A little early, don't you think?" You search your mind for a better retort than "Not when I'm sitting next to you, asshole" but then you realize it doesn't matter what you say because he didn't even bother to take off his headphones to make his remark.
To compound the dirty look you receive from him, Luke and Sierra order a drink for you as well. You gratefully chug both before ordering another, grumbling under your breath that this flight could not be over soon enough.
Ashton makes nice with the flight attendant and even takes his headphones off to flirt with her a bit. You roll your eyes at whatever bullshit lines he's feeding her and think now would be the perfect time to doze off for a cat nap if his voice wasn't so fucking loud.
You huff as she walks away, “Can you keep it down loudmouth?” You adjust your cardigan against the side of the plane and close the window shade, crossing your arms over your chest, leaning your head against the balled up fabric.
“I’d like to be able to see the sun," Ashton says, putting his sunglasses on and flipping the shade up.
You grit your teeth, “What’s the fuckin point if you put the sunglasses on?”
“Does it inconvenience you?” He asks, looking at your face and finding you must agree. “Then that’s the fuckin point, Princess.”
Your eyes narrow as you stare at him in disbelief, but you manage to keep yourself from selecting one of the literal hundreds of insulting comebacks you have running through your mind.
Guys like Ashton live off of getting reactions from people and the best way you could stick it to him is to simply not give him one.
You lean back in your seat and shake out your sweater, draping the sleeve over your face to create a makeshift eye shade for your nap. He scoffs at your actions, clearly hoping you'll take the bait and when you don't, you feel his glare on you for several beats before he pulls out his phone to find another way to entertain himself.
You’re able to ignore him for the rest of the flight, and you feel accomplished knowing it's driving him nuts that you’re no longer reacting to him.
You wait patiently to get off the plane, getting more than mildly annoyed at Ashton’s impatience. But you try not to say anything. He gets out of the row and you let Sierra and then Luke out across the aisle. “You two can no longer be trusted,” you jab at Luke.
“I’m sorry, bub,” Luke gives you an apologetic smile. “I didn’t know he would really come and I wouldn’t have wanted you to miss this.” He tries to explain with a pout but you just roll your eyes at the giant man in front of you.
You manage to claim your baggage without incident and you narrowly avoid the misfortune of having to sit next to Ash on the shuttle to the resort. Luke, obviously trying to win back your favor, offers to let you sit with Sierra and he sits in the open seat next to Ashton.
“Just don’t let him get to you,” Sierra says. “We’re still gonna have fun and there’s enough of us that you shouldn’t have to interact.”
Her reassurance helps soothe your nerves for the time being.
When you arrive at the resort, everyone mingles and chatters excitedly in the lobby while Luke and Sierra check your party in. Calum and his girlfriend keep Ash occupied and away from you and you couldn't be more grateful, taking the opportunity to make small talk with Michael and Crystal.
Check-in is taking a lot longer than it should and you crane your neck to try and see the front desk from where you're at. You happen to catch Sierra's gaze from across the room and she offers you a forced smile before she quickly looks away. Whatever's happening, it can't be good and you have a sneaking suspicion it has to do with the last minute addition to your trip.
When Sierra and Luke come back, they both refuse to make eye contact with you, making you even more suspicious. They hand out key cards to the other two couples and then both take a deep breath and look between you and Ash.
“What?” You ask point blank.
Luke purses his lips together, “They’re booked, they don’t have a room for Ash... but... your suite has a couch...”
“You’ve actually gotta be kidding me,” you quip.
“We won’t even be in the rooms except to sleep, it’ll be fine babe!” Sierra tries to convince you.
You groan, not even bothering to look at Ashton. “Fine.” You grit your teeth.
Ashton is obviously not thrilled with this arrangement either and you see him pull Luke aside, animatedly waving his hands as he complains.
You take the opportunity to head up to the room first in hopes of marking your territory: claiming the good drawers, the prime counter space in the bathroom. He needs to know you're doing him a favor by letting him stay in your room.
Ash comes in while you’re setting up in the bathroom and he immediately tries to stake claim on the bed. He’s flung himself across it when you come out of the bathroom.
“Keep dreaming, Irwin.”
“I got here first,” he states, tucking his arms behind his head with a smug look on his face.
You push his boot-clad feet off the bed with a huff. "Yes, you got here to MY bed first," you say with exaggerated enunciation. "MY bed in MY room. Since it was booked for ME. Since I was INVITED on this trip."
“I was invited too,” he reminds you, standing up, ready to argue.
“But you declined! And reinvited yourself literally last minute. If you had agreed when you were originally asked, we wouldn’t be sharing a fucking room," you say with exasperation.
"It worked out though," he shrugs dismissively.
You feel like your eyes are about to pop out of your head as you glare at him. "Does this seem like things working out to you?!"
“Honestly yes. We’ve both got a place to stay, I get to be here with my brothers... besides... Rock Star here, need I remind you, I don’t sleep on couches,” he starts.
“Blow me with that bullshit,” you quip. “This trip was supposed to be relaxing and now I can’t get laid because I can’t bring anyone back here... AND I have to see you literally first thing in the morning... AND you’re trying to take my bed... it’s the couch for you, Irwin. I don’t give a fuck who you think you are. And I think your BROTHERS would back me up on this," you say mockingly.
“I don’t know why you have to be such a bitch about this. And of course Luke will back you up, he’d hate for Sierra to be mad at him,” he rolls his eyes.
“I think he’d hate to know what a fucking diva you’re trying to be,” you sneer. “Why can’t you just go crash on one of their couches?”
"Like I said, I'm not trying to sleep on anyone's couch, sweetheart," he explains, the condescension dripping off of his words. "Plus, there's no way I'm about to be anyone's third wheel, something you clearly have no problem with."
You take a beat, pinching the bridge of your nose and taking two deep breaths. “Hate to break it to you Rock Star, but you ARE a third wheel on this trip. I just wanted a vacation with friends... but, as per usual your thotty ass comes along and turns it into my own personal hell. I paid for this room, so you can find yourself on the couch, freeloader.”
He gives a single snort in response which honestly infuriates you more than if he had come back at you with some long-winded monologue. He drags his suitcase to the couch and busies himself with unpacking, slamming drawers and grumbling every step of the way. You can't even be happy about winning the bed argument because you're so worked up now you can hear your heart pounding in your ears.
You grab your phone and angrily text Luke and Sierra, “Does 5sos really need a drummer? Can he be replaced? Because the current one is about to be dead.”
Luke responds with the crying laughing emoji which has you about to launch your phone across the room. Sierra is typing for quite a bit but eventually just ends up sending a simple "Hang in there sweetie, it'll be worth it tomorrow!"
You call room service to order a bottle of vodka, it’s the only way you’ll be able to deal with him. You hear Calum in the room and make an appearance, plastering on a fake smile. He gestures to his girl, “We were just gonna go check out the resort, wanted to see if you guys wanted to come?”
“I’ll pass thanks, I just ordered some room service. But Ash, you should absolutely go,” you encourage, gritting your teeth.
“Gladly... who goes on vacation to sit in their room anyway?” He quips.
Rather than fight in front of Cal, you give the group a sickly sweet "Have fun!" and breathe a sigh of relief when they shuffle out the door.
You take the chance to relax, changing out of your plane outfit and into something more appropriate for the more tropical setting, you open the balcony doors and wander out onto it. It really couldn’t be prettier. You’re drawn out by a knock on the door and you think it must be room service, but it’s Luke, Sierra, Michael and Crystal. Luke is holding your bottle of vodka.
“Had it charged to our room,” he says, thrusting it toward you. “We wanna go exploring. But let’s all get a drink first.” He smiles, “Save this for later.”
“Ash still here?” Crystal asks, peering into the room.
“He went with Cal... thank god,” you grumble. You set the vodka on the bedside table and grab your bag and sunglasses to head out with them.
One drink with the group becomes two which becomes decidedly more than two and they convince you to explore with them. By the time you get back to the room, Ashton has returned and is lounging on the couch as if he hasn't a care in the world.
"Hey roomie," he dryly greets you without looking up from his phone.
“Hey asshole,” you slur, followed by a hiccup. You walk toward the bed and kick your shoes off, and very quickly follow it up with peeling your top off. “Why’s it s’hot?” You hiccup again and land haphazardly on the bed.
"AC wasn't acting right so I called the front desk and they said someone could look at it tomorrow," he explains noncommittally. "I, however, had the decency to leave my clothes on because I didn't want to make you uncomfortable."
You scoff at his implication. Or you mean to, at least. Despite the climate of the room, the events of the day combined with your intoxicated state has you drifting off before you know it.
As you fade into unconsciousness, you think you hear Ash snipe in the distance, "If you barf on the bed during the night, I'm not helping you clean that shit up."
You make a mocking tone at him, you think. And you’re out.
After an evening of drinking, you wake up at 3 AM, needing the bathroom. You immediately notice you’re somehow tucked in bed, even though you’re 90% sure you passed out halfway on it. Your shorts are unbuttoned but not off and all the lights in the bedroom are off. When you make your way to the bathroom, you peek over at Ashton on the couch and he’s sprawled on his stomach, only in his boxer briefs. It’s then you realize it’s still ungodly hot in the suite. You shut the bathroom door, turn on the light and take a quick look at yourself in the mirror before deciding you need to wash your face before going back to bed.
You're in no rush as you use the toilet, wash your face and brush your teeth. It's been an exhausting day and you could use the alone time. You're careful to shut off the light before you open the door and start to tiptoe your way back to bed.
You nearly jump out of your skin when a gruff voice barks at you, "Think you could make any more noise in there, princess?" You're livid but you say nothing and lay back down.
When you wake up in the morning, you’ve managed to almost completely forget about sharing your room with Ash. So it’s a rude awakening when you find him emerging from the bathroom with a towel slung low on his hips, water dripping from his hair, muscles rippling as he starts digging through his drawers.
“Oh... the princess has decided to grace us,” he rolls his eyes, seeing you’re awake. “You’ve got like 45 minutes till we all do breakfast and judging by the way your phone has been buzzing, someone thinks I killed you last night.”
You groan and wipe your hand over your face, “More like making sure I didn’t kill you.”
As you reach for your phone on the nightstand, you realize the sheets are sticking to your skin which is covered in sweat. "Did the front desk say what time they were coming to fix the air? And Jesus, as if this place wasn't humid enough, why exactly did you need to take the world's steamiest shower?"
“Gotta relax these muscles after sleeping on the world's most uncomfortable couch, sweetheart,” he retorts. “And no, I was not given an ETA but I’m sure when we go down for breakfast you can complain again. Maybe if you do it, it’ll get fixed faster,” he snarks.
You roll your eyes and grab something to wear from your drawers, slamming the bathroom door behind you.
You take a cold shower, partly to wake you up and partly to cool you down (and mostly because Ash definitely used all the hot water on purpose). Even without creating steam, the bathroom is sweltering so as soon as you get dressed, you crack the door open in hopes of maintaining some airflow. You throw your hair in a ponytail and are applying a basic face of makeup when you feel Ash's eyes boring into you.
You look behind you through the mirror and see him propped up against the door frame, observing. "We're just going to breakfast, not the royal ball, Princess. You don't need all that shit."
“Why’s it any of your business?” You ask, staring at him in the mirror. You wait a beat and then work on finishing your makeup, topping off with mascara and lip gloss.
"Just an observation," he begins but is cut off by a knock at the front door. He leaves to answer and you take a few deep breaths to relax yourself. All you have to do is get down to breakfast and then you can enjoy the company of the people you actually came on this trip to spend time with. You hear Ash loudly joking with someone and you exit the bathroom hoping to see a handyman on the receiving end of his banter, but it's just Luke and Sierra.
Sierra smiles at you, “Hey beautiful, how’d you sleep?” She asks.
“I think the only reason I slept so well is because I drank so much. It’s fuckin hot in here.”
“It’s bad in our room too,” Luke shares. “We tried to call maintenance but no ETA on when they’ll be up, sounded like we weren’t the only ones suffering.” He shrugs.
Sierra notes your look of concern and interjects, "But we've got a ton of fun shit planned for the day so we won't be in our rooms too much anyways and hopefully it'll all be sorted when we get back!"
Luckily you were able to get some much needed space from Ashton during breakfast. You sat at opposite ends of the table and Sierra and Crystal did their best to keep your mind off of things.
"Sorry I'm being such a bitch, you guys," you confess during a trip to the ladies' room. "I don't want you to feel like you have to baby-sit me the whole time, you're supposed to be enjoying the time off you have with your guys."
"Babe, we get it," Crystal reassures you. "It's not like this thing with you and Ash is anything new, we're all used to having to navigate it."
"And it's fine, sometimes people just don't get along," Sierra chimes in. "You're not obligated to like all of your friends' friends. We’re all adults, we can handle it."
After breakfast you do a few touristy things and a little bit of shopping before going back to the resort to prep for some much needed beach time.
Ash scoffs as you sort through bikinis, “How many of those fuckin things did you need to bring? Are you going to be ready anytime soon?”
“It’s not like you’re actually waiting for me anyway,” you murmur, otherwise ignoring him.
But he’s not ignoring you, he’s watching your body move through the space, clad only in the bikini you selected. And it almost makes him more annoyed the way you definitely seem to be so confident in it. “Was that your best one?” He snarks.
"Sorry that some of us are actually into making an effort," you shrug. "And why is it your new favorite hobby to just stand there and watch me get ready, don't you have anything better to do?"
You shove past him in the doorway to fetch your beach bag out of the closet. The room's swampy temperature has not improved and you hate that you can feel the transfer of sweat from his skin to yours when you brush up against him.
“I was just trying to be polite and wait for you to head down but I didn’t realize it'd be such an ordeal,” he grumbles, slipping his sandals on. “Fucking ridiculous,” he mumbles to himself.
“No one asked you to wait, just fuckin go, Irwin. I don’t need an escort,” you exclaim, pulling on a pair of shorts.
“An escort is probably the only way you’d get laid with that attitude,” he gruffs, slamming the hotel room door behind him.
You ball your fists up in rage and whip a sandal towards the door. It hits with a satisfying smack and you can't help but wish you had tossed it 15 seconds earlier so that noise would've come from the back of Ashton's head. You walk over to retrieve your shoe and are startled by the knock at the door.
You open it to find Cal with a half-amused, half-concerned expression on his face and his girlfriend looking bewildered. Their relationship was new and this was really the first she had experienced your dynamic with Ash in all of its dysfunctional glory.
"You doing alright?" He inquires, trying to peek inside the room behind you.
"I'm just ready to lay in the sun and not think about anything,” you say, grabbing your bag off the counter behind you and closing the door.
Turns out the sunshine and drinks was exactly what you needed to calm down and within an hour you were laughing and playing in the water with everyone, though you had to watch Ashton flirt with everything that moved, even encouraging them to call him “Daddy, because all his friends do.”
As much fun as you're having, you can't help but notice the heat of the day doesn't seem to be passing. Tired from being in the sun, everyone agrees to head back to their respective rooms for a short rest before meeting back up for a late dinner. You know even Ashton must be spent when the hot wind starts blowing your beach hat off your head and he retrieves it and returns it to you without comment.
“D’you wanna shower first?” He asks, when the two of you return to the room. “Think you got some extra sun,” he mentions. “I can put aloe on if you need.”
“First shower would be great, thanks,” you yawn. “You'll probably need some aloe on your neck and shoulders. I have some if you didn’t bring any,” you offer and then head for the bathroom.
You take your brief shower and come out in just a towel. You grab the aloe, gently toss it to Ash and he makes quick work, lightly coating your red skin in the gel.
“Thanks,” you murmur.
“Don’t mention it,” he says, capping it and heading for his own shower.
It doesn't hit you how weird it was to have a pleasant interaction with Ash until after you're dressed. You're rooting around in the suite's fridge for cold water and without thinking, you place two on the counter. You stare at the bottles for a beat, almost as if they appeared there on their own.
"One of those for me?" Ash's voice asks from behind you, startling you out of your confusion.
"I... guess so?" You answer with a shrug, turning to hand him the beverage. He's shirtless and the pair of athletic shorts he's chosen for his post-shower attire hang low on his hips and you wonder why you've made note of that.
“Thanks?” He replies, equally confused. “Wanna watch some tv?” He asks.
“Sure,” you shrug. He clears his stuff off the couch and you sit at opposite ends. You doze off before you even decide on what to watch.
You awaken to the sound of both your and Ash's phones vibrating on the coffee table. You're disoriented but cognizant enough to realize you must have slept through the time you agreed to meet for dinner.
“Oh shit,” you murmur, wiping the sleep from your eyes. You grab your phone and look at the texts and quickly shoot off a reply.
-fell asleep, be down soon-
You gently shake Ash, “Hey they’re waiting on us, we fell asleep.” You wait to see him open his eyes and then you flit off to change into a sundress. “Why is it so hot? It must be cooler outside by now.”
“Open the balcony door,” Ash sleepily replies, peeling himself off the couch. He quickly changes into black jeans and a short sleeve button down.
You throw on sandals and mascara and are ready, quickly, which he appreciates.
Some of your friends trade surprised looks when they see you two peacefully arriving together but none of them comment on it.
You join the group and you all walk together to the restaurant you agreed on for dinner, at the far end of the resort.
Since you and Ash delayed things slightly, the place is crowded and you have to wait by the bar while the staff finds seating to accommodate your large party. Ash volunteers to order drinks for everyone while you wait and you can't decide if it's endearing or annoying that he brings you a vodka soda without you having to tell him what you want.
Once you’re seated, Luke and Sierra voluntarily put space between you and Ashton but he still ends up across from you. You don't mind his presence as much as you thought you would.
The air conditioning appears to be working on this side of the resort, the cold drinks are flowing and you feel yourself truly relax for the first time since you arrived. You even catch yourself laughing at a couple of playfully snarky comments Ash tosses at Luke's expense.
You reach across the table to grab the pitcher of water as you’re all winding down and your arm knocks Cal’s drink, spilling it all over him and Ash. Ash blows his top, going out of his way to make a scene. Everyone tries to move past it but you know all the headway you two had made going into tonight was probably ruined as he refused to let it go, continuing to groan about his wet shirt and jeans.
"If the air hasn't been fixed, our room is probably so hot it'll dry the second we walk in," you joke, trying to lighten the mood.
"Is this fucking funny to you?" He sneers, forcefully tossing his napkin on to the table.
“It is kind of funny, Ash,” Cal says, trying to calm the situation down.
“I said I was sorry,” you shrug. “It’s not like I meant to.”
“Could’ve fooled me,” he snarls, storming off to the bathroom.
Defeat settles into your features, upset from the interaction, being tired and the ungodly heat you knew you were about to face. “I’m gonna head up to bed,” you announce, kissing Sierra and Crystal on the cheek. You wave at the rest of the group while Luke stands to give you a hug.
You hear Cal’s girlfriend, “That was a little harsh of him.”
“It’s just the way they’ve always been,” he explains quietly.
When you pass by him, Michael stops you and offers to walk you back since it's dark out and a bit of a journey to where your rooms are but you wave him off, you're looking forward to being alone.
Heading out of the restaurant, you cross paths with Ash and his eyes shoot daggers at you but he says nothing. As you push through the door, you hear him loudly complain to nobody in particular, "She gets to run off and act like this is MY fault again?"
You ignore it, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of a reaction.
Once you get back, you change and pour yourself a vodka soda. The room is still unbearably hot so you lay across the bed checking your phone, and take advantage of the breeze coming through the balcony door.
About 20 minutes later, you're in the bathroom washing your face when you hear the front door slam and Ash barges into the suite like a tornado; he cranks the TV for no apparent reason, bangs around in the fridge and slams some drawers with little regard for who or what he disturbs. You give a silent thanks for the fact that the surrounding rooms all belong to your friends so you don't have to feel embarrassment on top of everything else.
You brace yourself for whatever you're going to encounter on the other side of the door and turn the knob. You immediately stumble on Ash's still damp clothes, which he evidently stripped off as soon as he walked in the room. You roll your eyes but as an act of good faith, pick them up and hang them over the side of the bathtub to dry. You exit the bathroom once more and find him standing in front of the balcony, clad only in his boxer briefs. "How is it still so goddamn hot in here?" He says, exasperated.
“I don’t think they even came to look at the AC,” you observe. “I really am sorry about the drink, Ash,” you murmur at his back. You’re having a hard time tearing your eyes away from his back and thick arms. Your eyes take in the tattoo on the back of his neck. You let out an audible sigh, accidentally.
“Don’t mention it,” he says looking back at you, face red, indicating he was still kind of heated.
"It's just... we had a pretty nice time this afternoon and I was kind of starting to enjoy the peace," you start.
"You know, that's one of the things I've never liked about you?" He says with a calmness that betrays the harshness of his remark. "You're one of those people who can't STAND not being liked by everyone. I feel bad for you." His brow furrows as if in deep thought.
“I don’t need everyone to like me, I just need to know what the fuck I’ve ever done to you, you fuckin fake deep thot. You know everyone sees right through your bullshit? Your fans and your friends, just humor you.”
"You seem to put a lot of stock in what other people think, is all I meant," he says, seemingly unaffected by your words. "And you especially seem to pay a lot of fuckin attention to what people think about me."
“I actually couldn’t give a fuck less what people think about you, but when you parade around like some sort of imbecile, having random people call you ‘daddy’ because wow what a fuckin turn on - girls with daddy issues- it’s fuckin ridiculous, Ashton. You walk around here acting like I have the holier than thou attitude but it’s you thinking you’re some big shot because you have a few gold records. That doesn’t mean shit in Hollywood, every third fucking barista has a gold record and then flopped. Congrats you’re well on your way to being a 4th rate barista, I’m sure your father is so proud.”
Even as it left your mouth, you knew the dad line was too far.
You stare at each other for what feels like an eternity, your words hanging in the air. His jaw twitches but doesn't clench. You briefly think to apologize but part of you is still stunned by what you just said and part of you doesn't want to prove his point about caring what he thinks. He considers your statement for a beat more and then finally, he chuckles darkly. He stalks past you without a word and slams the bathroom door.
You stalk toward the bed and grab a pillow to scream into. It’s barely been a full 24 hours and you’re convinced you’ll have the drummer of 5sos dead within another 24. You’re pissed at him for being cocky and hot... wait, what the fuck? You’re pissed at your friends for putting you in this situation.
You forgo the glass and grab the bottle of vodka, setting up on the balcony because at least it’s cooler than the room, and you seethe.
You instinctively start to text Sierra to vent about the incident but ultimately decide you and Ash have done enough damage to everyone's morale for the night. You settle for absentmindedly playing a game on your phone to take your mind off things. You eventually hear Ashton back in the room but you promise yourself you're not going to be the one to apologize first. He has to come to you. And it’s just easier if the two of you let it cool for a minute.
He comes out to the balcony, watching you shotgun straight from the bottle. He drags a chair to the other side of the balcony. “I know you know that was a cunty thing to say,” he says quietly. “You’ve definitely got a way with insults though.”
You don’t respond because you don’t know how, but you exchange a glance in acknowledgment.
You both sit in silence and while the tension between you is thick, you're still able to find comfort in the relatively cool night air and the unspoken truce. You zone out, questioning if this trip is even remotely salvageable and how to proceed with Ashton from here. After a while, you look down at your phone and notice the time, you've been out here longer than you thought. You glance over at Ash, who's scrawling away in some sort of journal, with those goddamn headphones on again.
You stumble over to him and tap what your brain notes is an unreasonable large shoulder, "Hey, 's late."
“Careful, Princess,” he says, pulling his headphones off and resting them on his neck, he checks his phone for the time. “Yeah, it is. Let’s get you to bed.” He breathes, standing quicker than you thought any person should.
He holds your arm, walking you to the bed. You know you’re drunk but you can’t help the words that spill from your lips, “Should stay in tha bed.” You don’t let him go as he gently pulls from your grasp.
“You're drunk and we’re both likely to be pissed in the morning. I’ll get you a water,” he mentions, walking away.
You do everything in your power to stay awake for the 90 seconds he’s away and you latch back onto his larger than normal forearm when he comes back. “Don’t leave me alone,” you whimper.
His gaze focuses on your hand on his arm and then shifts to your face, which he searches carefully. "You're not serious," he declares.
"Bed's closer t’window, can leave it open." You sit up and take a sip from the water he sat on the nightstand. "You'll be more comfortable. No big deal." You shrug and lay back down as if this offer was the most casual conversation you've ever had. To be honest, it probably was one of the more casual conversations the two of you had ever shared.
“I’m not staying because you asked,” he clarifies. “I’m staying because that breeze can’t be beat.”
Ash climbs in the bed in just his underwear and he scoffs a little when you strip off your shorts and tank top, leaving you in a sports bra and panties for bed. “Why are you constantly taking your clothes off in front of me? Sobriety might do you some favors,” he grumbles, getting comfortable on the other side of the bed.
"Doing you a favor by letting you see my bangin' bod," you drunkenly giggle. "And please, I've seen your naked torso more times on this trip than I've seen my own." You blow a raspberry that goes on for a little longer than you intended, given your inebriated state.
“Well you definitely take care of yourself.” He agrees, ignoring your childish behavior.
You plant a pillow between the two of you and turn off the lamp, “Night ‘Shton.” You murmur, cuddling into the bed.
“Night.” He stares at your back in the dark for a while. Not understanding this new feeling creeping up, or caring why the hell you look so good. It’s not the first time he’s seen you like this, but it is the first time he’s wanted your attention.
You wake up a few hours later, dying of thirst. You spot the water on your nightstand and lunge for it a little too quickly and your head starts to spin. As you gulp it down, you remember you invited Ashton to stay with you and your eyes dart to the other side of the bed. The moonlight pouring in from the open balcony shines on his near naked form and it's a sight to behold. You look him up and down, though you're not sure why. You think to yourself how much easier it is to find him attractive when he's not speaking.
You admire him for as long as your drunk brain can handle, before drunkenly texting what you think is just Sierra -he’s pretty when he’s quiet- and you barely put your phone face down on the table before passing back out.
Your drunk brain processes your slight attraction and the fact that you begged for him to stay better than you’d ever let your sober brain and it creates quite the dirty dream about the man sleeping next to you. Your brain reminds you just how much of a man he is and how easily he’d toss you around.
You’re awoken by your own moan and open your eyes to see Ashton staring at you from the next pillow, eyebrow cocked.
"Sleep well, princess?" He smirks.
You shove your pillow over your face, half out of embarrassment, half out of necessity because the sun shining into the room is BRIGHT and your head is pounding. "It's too early and I'm too hungover for you to use that tone of voice with me, Irwin."
“Not very often I have girls moaning in bed before I’ve even touched them,” he says, sounding bemused.
You groan and reach for your phone, closing one eye and turning down the brightness before unlocking it. You realize the text you thought you sent to Sierra also had Luke, Michael and Crystal on it. Luke commented about you getting soft for Ashton, which vaguely enrages you around your headache.
“Not like I’m moaning for you,” you quip, slowly moving toward the bathroom.
Ash is still laying on the bed when you return. “Still fuckin hot,” he grumbles.
Your phone buzzes and you look at it, Luke had forwarded a text from the hotel, - heat warning in place, advising everyone stays inside, hydrated and cooled.-
You throw yourself back on the bed in disbelief. "This can't be happening."
Ash turns on his side to face you, a little closer than you'd like both because of the heat and because of the dream you had. "What's the matter, princess?" He says with a teasing lilt to his voice.
"Stop calling me princess," you grumble and shove your phone in his face.
“Yeah, I already saw. Don’t worry I plan to escape this room as soon as humanly possible,” he admits. “Just waiting for Cal to get his lazy ass up.”
“Are you ever just like... nice to anyone?” You shove your face back in the pillow. The sun really is too bright and you can’t take it.
"Are you ever just like... not super judgmental?" He mocks, getting out of bed and pulling the curtains shut for you. "I've been pretty nice the past couple nights putting your drunk ass to bed. You thought I was nice enough when you begged me to sleep in your bed."
“I didn’t beg for anything from you. And I’m more than capable of putting my own drunk ass to bed... you just think you’re better than everyone because you got sober when you realized you couldn’t handle your alcohol. Seriously, if the worst fuckin thing I’ve done is offer you a spot In my bed where it’s more comfortable then that’s worlds better than the damage and destruction you’ve undoubtedly caused in your drunk state,” you spew.
"You're unfuckingbelievable, you know that?" He shakes his head. "There's no WAY anything I've ever said to you has warranted some of the shit you've said to me recently. You always gotta take it too far, always gotta get personal. And I’M supposed to be the asshole?"
“Just shut the fuck up, Ash... I can’t. I’m done. I don’t have the energy. This trip was supposed to be relaxing.” You groan, plopping the pillow over your head.
"Cool. Good talk," he says dismissively and heads for the shower.
You stick your middle finger up in the direction he headed off. You sigh loudly when you hear the water turn on. “What the fuck happened,” you ask yourself, exasperated, thinking over the last couple days and how the day before you and Ash had been chill for at least a few hours. “I just need to shut my fucking mouth,” you decide. “The only way to salvage this trip now.”
You must have dozed off again because the next thing you know Ashton is standing over you -shirtless in those athletic shorts again, goddammit- and poking at you with his room keycard. "The fuck?" You say with only moderate interest.
"Oh good, you're up," he jokes. God, he's insufferable. "Cal and I went downstairs and they've closed the restaurant dining rooms but they're still offering room service. I need to know if you want breakfast."
“Yeah... pancakes.” You wave him off. “..Bacon and hash browns...” You murmur out, going back to sleep.
A short while later you wake to the smell of maple syrup. You drag yourself out of bed and follow the scent to where Ash is sat on the couch, already eating, full breakfast spread out on the coffee table. "Gee thanks for letting me know the food was here," you snipe without thinking. Dammit. You've already forgotten your plan to keep your mouth shut.
Luckily, as you've learned is the norm, he's preoccupied with something on his phone. "Uh-huh," is the only response you get.
You grab your plate and get a water out of the fridge and then sit at the end of the coffee table furthest from Ashton.
“I hope it cools down some tomorrow,” You mumble, mouth full of food.
“What was that? Speak up princess,” he says pointedly to you.
“I just said I hope it cools off. So we can go back to the beach tomorrow,” you shrug, digging into your food.
"You mean we all didn't fly all the way over here to sit in our hotel rooms with broken AC?" He mocks for no apparent reason.
You roll your eyes but keep your mouth shut, not looking to give him the benefit of another snarky comeback. You eat as much of your plate as you can manage before heading off to shower. To your slight dismay, he’s still sitting on the couch on his phone when you get done.
“Ash.” You mention quietly, his head tilts up but his eyes don’t leave his phone. “Do you think you could do the aloe again?”
His eyes snap to you and he stares for a minute before nodding. “Uh... yeah,” he agrees.
You grab the bottle and sit next to him as he does your back and your shoulders. “Sorry I always take it too far,” you apologize.
He breathes out forcefully and you can feel it on your neck. It gives you goosebumps. He seems to be choosing his words carefully before landing on "Just seems like you don't think about some of the stuff you spit out in anger." His hands stop working over your skin. "I talk shit and yeah I get you think I'm an asshole, but I have never nor would I ever say anything to you as disrespectful as some of the things you've said to me," he says with a quiet firmness.
You nod, because you know he’s right and you chew on the inside of your cheek for a moment, thinking carefully on your own words.
“I know. I don’t have an excuse. You get under my skin and it’s always guards up with you. Sometimes we’ll be just fine and then you’ll turn on a dime, like last night at dinner. Easier to push you away and keep you at arms length than to let my guard down because I don’t know when you’re gonna snap.”
"Right because this continues to be exclusively my fault," he says condescendingly and sits back on the couch.
You take a few deep breaths and then get up, leaving him to sit while you go change.
You come back out, sports bra and lounge shorts and look at him.
“I’m just trying to be nice. It’s my fault too, I know that. I was explaining why I get that way. I know I’m like that, and I’m working on it. I was just trying to clue you in on a trigger.” You sigh and then head back to the bed, collapsing on it.
He bounds over to you, not ready to let this go. "Sorry to break this deluded narrative you've constructed, princess, but 'I'm only a bitch because you make me one' isn't a trigger, it's an excuse and a weak one at that."
His face is flushing and his chest is bright red. You know he's getting heated and you know it's not just the tropical climate of the room.
"You've been like this with me from the second you met me, it's like you never had any intention of liking me and fuck getting to know me." He raises his voice, "If I'm such a shitty person then why are literally all of your friends friends with me? You ever think about that, sweetheart?"
“Well that's a two way street, Irwin,” you huff out. “You’ve never tried to get to know me either. So before you come over here acting like you’re any better than me, remember when you point a fucking finger there’s three pointing back at you.”
You stand to square off with him, like the fight is going to get physical. You know better than to think Ash would lay a hand on you but you’re prepared for anything in this moment. The blood is rushing in your ears again.
"I never said you were a shitty person," he says lowly, stepping closer to you. "I just said you were a judgemental, inconsiderate hypocrite and I don't like you."
“I’ve never said you were a shitty person either, I just think you’re an asshole with entitlement issues that definitely needs to take a look in a mirror when slinging his insults,” you say quietly, also stepping closer to him.
"Sounds like we have a lot more in common than we realize then," he challenges, staring you down with fire in his eyes.
“Seems like if either of us had taken even five minutes to consider the other, then maybe this all could have been avoided.” You don’t waiver, standing your ground. “And maybe, we could have spared our friends.”
It seems like he's about to move somehow even closer to you but the sound of his phone buzzing on the coffee table cuts through the tense air. "Finally something we agree on," he mutters under his breath as he stomps away to check it.
You let out the breath you didn’t know you were holding. You realize it was in anticipation but you don’t know what you were waiting for.
You collapse back on the bed, grabbing for your phone. You make a mental note of how his phone is more important than any person in front of him and you slink back into your normal feelings about him.
A couple hours pass of you dutifully ignoring each other with your phones. But the heat is unrelenting and eventually the scorching sunlight starts pouring in directly onto the bed. Even with the curtains shut, the warmth is sickening and you have no choice but to find another place to relax.
Obviously the balcony is out of the question until the sun sets. You huff to yourself and head for the couch where Ashton is sprawled out.
“Can I sit?” You ask.
“Your space is over there,” he says pointing to the bed. “This is my space and it’s probably best we keep the two separate.”
“It’s too hot over there, even with the curtains closed,” you whine.
“It’s what you wanted,” Ash cocks an eyebrow and doesn’t move a muscle.
"Are you fucking serious, Irwin? You're being a child, just move over."
He looks directly at you and stretches his large frame even further down the length of the couch.
"Sorry, Princess. No room at the inn. Think I saw a cot in the closet."
“Selfish prick.” You mumble, turning to walk away.
But that gets him up. “What’d you just say?” He asks, tone sharp.
“I called you a selfish prick,” you whip around, saying it louder.
"Aww, did Princess get her feelings hurt because someone finally won't cater to her every fuckin whim?"
“Literally nothing about this trip has gone my way. You show up last minute and I have to share my fucking room with you because there’s nowhere else for you to stay? Excuse me for thinking for a minute that you might be fucking polite enough to accommodate me a little. Thankless asshole.”
"Didn't realize you were so affected by the mere presence of me," he says with a dark cockiness. He gets in your face. "And I'm gettin real tired of hearing you call me an asshole, Princess."
“And I’m getting real fucking tired of your condescending ‘Princess’ nickname, so I guess we’re both just fucked here.”
"Ohhh I think the name suits you just fine, Princess." He's impossibly close to you now, practically nose to nose. "Unrealistic expectations for everyone and everything. Particular. Judgy. Demanding. Keep waiting for you to tell me to bow down, Princess.”
“I doubt you're good at anything that’d require you to be on your knees, including bowing down.” Your eyes narrow.
“Shouldn’t I say that to you?” He snorts.
"Well then we'd have to add 'liar' to the list of your many offenses."
“Can’t make claims like that without backing them up.”
You roll your eyes. "Is that the only way to get you to shut the fuck up for once? Figures," you sneer. You involuntarily lick your lips and you regret it the second you do, he definitely notices.
“Blow. Me. Princess.” He enunciates.
You're not sure where this audacity comes from but you grab at his crotch. OH. He's more than half-hard in your hand. Your heart is pounding from what you assumed was anger but you're now realizing may be something else. You lean into his ear, hardening cock still in hand and challenge breathily, "Make me."
He inhales sharply, “Gladly.” He pushes you to your knees, pushing your hand away so he can drop his shorts, he does a couple quick tugs to get himself fully hard before pressing his tip against your lips. “Open.” He quietly demands in a way that says not to fuck with him, so you do what he asks.
He taps his cock up and down, over and over your open lips. You make a point of maintaining direct eye contact with him when you jut out your tongue defiantly, catching on a vein, making him groan.
You grab it from him and he easily lets go, curious of what you’ll do. You lick the underside from base to tip and slowly rub your hand over his length, placing sloppy wet kisses along the shaft to slick him up more.
You start suckling at the head, hoping to coax out some precum and you'd never admit to it but you accidentally let out a small moan when you feel the substance on your tongue. By the way Ash is tangling his hands in your hair, you can tell he's getting impatient. "Figures you'd be a fuckin tease," he critiques.
You slowly lick the tip a few times before taking him in your mouth, hoping it will shut him up. You slowly work your mouth up and down his cock, not really trying to take all of him, but enough to keep him quiet. Your eyes are still locked on his as you palm his balls.
He bites his lip and you wonder if it's because he's trying to hold back a snarky comment or a moan. You wonder why you care. Rather than unpack that thought, you decide to press your luck and take him down further. He's larger than you realized and he hits the back of your throat before you're ready and you gag. He grunts approvingly.
Of course he does, you think to yourself, annoyed.
His hand tightens more in your hair and he pushes you further, silently encouraging you to take his cock in your throat, so you do. He lets out a loud guttural moan.
“If I’d have known the way to shut you up was to put my cock down your throat, we would have done this years ago.” He gently caresses the side of your face.
You wish you didn't lean into his touch but you do. You wish you didn't like the weight of his cock on your tongue as much as you do but that's another thought entirely. You quickly determine you like this experience much more when your mind is quiet so you focus on making him moan loud enough to drown out your thoughts.
You confidently bob your head on his cock with the occasional detour to tongue at his balls. You make sure your methods are as loud and as messy as possible. He's easy to read, you know what he likes without you being told.
Your jaw aches a bit from having your mouth open that wide for him but it’s a minor inconvenience for hearing his moans, tasting him. Shutting him up.
“I was wrong about you,” he murmurs. “You can suck a cock.” He smirks and you flick his thigh.
You give him a good suck just to hear his breath catch before you pull off. "And I was wrong about you," you pant, wiping your mouth sinfully. "Turns out there is one thing about you I don't mind." You flick your tongue over his slit to punctuate your point.
He snorts and looks down at you, yanking your hair so that you meet his gaze. "Tired of you running that goddamn mouth of yours, Princess. Mind if I fuck it?"
“Wish you’d fuck something around here,” you saltily reply.
“I promise I’ll find another wet hole to ruin as well.” He grips your hair in both hands and guides your mouth back on his cock. He gets a couple slow test thrusts in to get you used to it before he starts full force face fucking you. It doesn’t take long for him to grunt and fill your mouth with cum and he holds you on his cock, without being in your throat. “Swallow it,” he demands.
You moan around him and do as he says, though you intentionally let some dribble out of your mouth, mostly to be defiant but also because you think that's something he'd like to see.
“Cheeky little fuck," he murmurs, wiping the cum with his thumb and pushing it into your mouth. “Better than I thought you’d be for a pillow princess.”
“Not at all a pillow princess and you'd better be returning that favor.”
He clicks his tongue and pulls you up off your knees. "There you go with your demands again, Princess," he says, stripping you naked in record time. "But I'll definitely do you a favor, sweetheart. I'll bet you've been dripping for me since you first got those pretty lips around my cock."
“Try when I first got my hand on your cock.”
Ash looks at you, gropes both of your tits and pinches your nipples, pulling them a bit. You let out a little whine and he smirks and drops to his knees, quickly hooking one leg over his shoulder. He flicks his tongue along your clit before licking around your opening. “Very wet... Princess likes to suck cock.”
"I like doing things I'm good at." You hope it comes out as confident as you intended but an accidental whine swallows the last word of your sentence.
Ash pulls his face away and chuckles. He slides his hand up your thigh and lightly rubs your slit with his fingers before applying pressure on your clit. “I’ll give you credit, you were good at it.” He smirks, quickly pushing the two fingers in and then pulling them out with a bit of a twist, at an agonizingly slow pace. He watches your face and feels you get a little wobbly on one leg so he grabs you, pushes you back onto the couch. He wraps his arm around one thigh and pushes your other to spread you. He continues the slow pace with his fingers and rolls his tongue over your clit.
You run your fingers through his hair and breathe deep. You'd be lying if you said he didn't know what he was doing. He catches your clit between his lips and sucks hard. You shudder and tug at his hair harder than you mean to. For a split second you think to apologize but he lets out a groan indicating he didn't mind the pain one bit. He sucks over your clit again and you pull even harder just to hear that noise.
The back and forth continues until he draws out a very loud moan from you. You don’t even think twice about the fact that your friends' rooms are around yours. “Fuck, Ashton, yes!” You whine.
He pulls back to nip and suck marks onto your inner thighs. "That's the most positive thing you've said to me this entire trip, sweetheart, I like it." He lifts your leg and pushes his fingers in as deep as he can. "Princess gonna do me the honor of cumming for me?"
“Please make me cum for you!” It sounds desperate even in your own ears but you can’t seem to care about it.
His smirk is definitely making you more wet at this point and he notices. “So slippery in here. Can't believe I finally found a way to make you agreeable," he taunts, slowly thumbing your clit.
You hate that his cockiness is threatening to send you over the edge at this point. "Ash... God, Ash, please," you plead.
“Alright alright... don’t need you begging me just yet.” He brings his mouth back to your clit and sucks hard so you’ll yank his hair. His fingers are pumping at an ungodly pace.
“Yes fuck right there, like that.”
Your chest is heaving and Ash thinks he likes the view. “Can you be any louder?” He teases.
"Give me a reason and we'll see," you manage to pant out.
He sharply slaps your inner thigh, over one of the marks he'd already left, fingers grazing your pussy as he does. You do indeed, cry out louder.
"Don't get smart with me when I'm about to make you cum, sweetie, you won't like the outcome. I promise you," he warns.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, please make me cum,” you whine. “Ashton, please!” The whine is loud and the moan when he goes back in with three fingers is obscene. He pushes you until you fall over the edge, chanting "Ash" and tugging his hair while he slowly licks over your clit.
You whimper and writhe as he expertly works you through your orgasm, easing the curling of his fingers as he feels you finish pulsing around them. He dutifully cleans you with his tongue until you're pushing his head away, too sensitive to take any more stimulation.
He lifts his fingers to your mouth and traces one across your lips, coating them in your juices. You look directly at him as you lick them carefully, groaning at your own taste. You keep the eye contact going as you reach for his hand and draw the rest of his fingers into your mouth, sucking them clean.
“Naughty little slut, aren’t you?” He comments, watching in awe. “Be surprised if our friends didn’t just hear that little show.”
“Like I give a flying fuck," you murmur, pulling his fingers from your mouth.
He smiles as he runs his hands over your tits, giving them an appreciative squeeze. "Gotta tell ya, Princess, I'm finding that you're full of surprises."
You sit up and reach for his cock, which you're pleased to find already hard for you again. "Gotta tell ya," you mimic his smarmy cadence. "I'd rather be full of this." You give him a squeeze for emphasis.
He grins and gets in your face. "Greedy too?" He places his hand over yours and you begin slowly stroking him. "My kind of girl." You feel his breath on your face and you wonder if he's finally going to kiss you. You wonder why you want him to.
Instead of waiting on him, you push slightly forward and press your lips to his and the kiss quickly gets deepened.
When you come up for air, he cocks an eyebrow at you, “Couldn’t take anymore of your talking.” You shrug.
He pushes forward and kisses you again. “I want you over the fuckin couch,” he growls. You know he means business, so you quickly turn.
His first priority is to land a hard smack on your ass. You probably should've expected it but you yelp loudly nonetheless. Satisfied with both your reaction and the red mark decorating your ass cheek, he delivers a blow to the other side to match.
“Fuckkk me," you moan, wiggling your ass in front of him.
"Oh is that what you want from me, Princess?" He teases, running his cock over your thighs and ass, everywhere except your throbbing core. You hear a whine you don't recognize escaping your throat when you feel drops of precum drizzling onto your skin.
"Even with my ass in the air for you, you've still gotta talk shit," you groan in frustration.
He slicks the tip through your folds and you press your face against the back of the couch in anticipation. “If you fuck half as good as you lick, I think we can be friends," you smirk.
“All you need to worry about is if you can take my cock.” He lands another smack to your ass.
“My throat took it just fine.” You look over your shoulder and wink at him.
"Alright, alright, that's enough out of you," he starts to push in and you gasp at the feeling. He snorts. "My throat took it just fine," he mocks, sinking in more.
He does a couple shallow thrusts before pushing in further. You push your hips back to meet him, taking his cock all the way.
You moan loudly, “Never been so full in my life.”
Ashton spanks you again, ensuring he's gonna be leaving your ass red and sore. He gives a couple slow thrusts and then stops. “You want this cock, Princess? Get it.” He lands a smack to the other side of your ass.
You take his challenge, finding a rhythm as you throw yourself back on his cock. He watches, fascinated at the sight of his length disappearing inside you again and again. He holds your hips tight enough that you'll undoubtedly have bruises. "You look real good fucking yourself on my cock, Princess," he groans.
“Feels phenomenal," you breathe. You brace your arms on the back of the couch and look back at him while you take his cock. “Fuck yes, Ashton,” you pant.
He takes mercy on you and grips your hips tighter, deciding to take over for you. He pulls one leg up, rests his foot next to your thigh for more leverage and starts to pound into you.
The noises filling the room are obscene: heavy breathing, skin slapping against skin, the slick sounds of your arousal, the endless moans, groans and curses pouring from both your and Ash's mouths.
He pulls you by your hair up against his chest and roughly turns your face so he can sloppily kiss you. He pushes your face away when he's done. "All our friends definitely already heard you cum for me, think this time I can make you scream loud enough the whole floor will hear?"
“I don’t care who hears us at this point, I just need to cum on your cock,” you breathe. “Please," you ask nicely, tossing a smile over your shoulder for him.
The grin that graces his face says it all. He goes harder still. Your quiet whimpers quickly escalate into loud moans of begging.
He smacks your ass a few more times as well as your upper thighs for good measure. He presses into the already forming bruises on your hips. "Pleeease... Ashhh... Fuckkk," you whine, each word at least two syllables longer than usual.
He yanks on your hair and leans in to calmly command, "Cum for me, Princess. Wanna feel you all over my cock."
It sends you over the edge and you lean heavily against the back of the couch while he continues fucking you through your orgasm. His pace increases and then you hear his breath catch and you feel him cum inside you. He stays tucked against you for a minute. He shallow thrusts all the way in once more so you’ll remember how it felt.
“Holy fuck,” you groan.
Ash pets your hair and pulls out. You instantly feel the cum dripping down your thighs. “Don’t move,” he warns. He comes back moments later with a washcloth and cleans you up. You stay in position, panting over the back of the couch because you're unsure if you can even move at this point.
He runs a hand down your back with surprising tenderness. It's then that you realize how goddamn sweaty you are because of course you had to decide to have the most intense fuck of your life in a room that feels like it's on the 4th floor of hell.
"You ok, Princess?" Ash asks, sounding a bit unsure of himself. It's so unlike him. You're kind of into it.
“Yeah… it's just fuckin hot and now I’m fucked out. And I fuckin love it," you mumble against the couch.
“Wanna grab a cool shower... together?” He asks, ready for you to bite sarcasm at him.
“You might have to carry me, legs aren’t working,” you chuckle.
He stands and gestures for you to climb into his arms, "Well then, Princess, your chariot awaits."
You roll your eyes but you notice you don't feel your blood boiling as much as it usually does when he calls you that. You shift on the couch, he scoops you up and carries you into the bathroom, sitting you on the counter while he gathers towels and turns on the shower.
Once you’re under the cool water you relax and regain some composure. Ash gently grabs your chin and softly kisses you. “Gonna be honest, that’s not at all what I expected from you," he states and then fits your lips back together.
You raise an eyebrow, "Oh yeah? You spend a lot of time wondering what kind of lay I'd be, Irwin?" You tease, softly biting his lip.
“Well no... not really. Maybe a couple masturbatory fantasies about hate fucking you, but you were tied up and gagged for those…" he explains, gently rubbing his soapy hands over your red ass and bruised hips. "Just with who you’ve been to me, I didn’t assume you’d beg to cum on my cock."
You smirk, "Tied up and gagged, huh? Well let's put a pin in that conversation..."
He shakes his head and grins at you.
"To be honest I didn't expect to hear those things come out of my mouth either," you admit, pausing to hiss when his fingers brush over a particularly sore mark. "But to be fair, based on your past behavior I didn't see you as the type to gingerly clean me up after you came inside me."
“I’ve got a thing for after care, not really a 'fuck em and leave em' type of guy,” he shrugs.
“What are our friends gonna say?” You wonder.
“I have no idea but I’m betting both of our phones are buzzing off the hook right now," he laughs.
“No doubt about that... so are we going for round two later or was this a one time thing?” You smile playfully.
He purses his lips as if deeply considering it and you briefly wonder if you'd gotten too comfortable and embarrassed yourself but then he presses you up against the shower wall.
"Like I said before, such a greedy Princess," he teases before crashing his lips into yours with a groan.
After a short makeout, you end your shower and the first thing you both do is go to your phones. Ash snorts. “Cal just sent a bunch of the side eye emojis," he announces.
“Crystal and Mike want to know where I am because something is definitely going on in my room,” you giggle.
You change into your shorts and a fresh bralette and Ash pulls the black athletic shorts back on. He gives you a quick kiss but is interrupted by a knock at your door. He answers it as you settle on the couch.
It’s Luke and Sierra. Luke seems chill but Sierra pushes her way into the room and looks astonished she sees you on the couch.
"Hey sweetie," she greets you with what sounds like surprise in her voice.
"Hey guys," you start but you can tell their attention is focused elsewhere, eyes darting around the room and exchanging wide-eyed glances with each other.
Ash shoots you an amused look but you subtly shake your head at him, waiting to see where this goes.
“Hey… just wanted to check on you guys. There was a lot of noise coming from what we thought was your room.” Sierra looks confused.
“What kind of noise?” You ask.
“Sex noises, moaning, ‘fuck Ashton that’s so good’,” Luke mocks, eyeing the two of you.
Sierra playfully jabs him in his side and he yelps. "Or you know, something like that," he offers half-heartedly.
Ashton, barely keeping in a giggle, says with concern, "Oh I definitely didn't hear anything like that, did you Princess?"
“No... don’t think so, Ash. We’ve just been watching TV,” you explain to the suspicious couple.
“In here? In this room? Together?” Sierra clarifies, so much doubt in her voice and on her face.
“I swear we heard someone moaning Ashton’s name. Asking him to make her cum. Begging, really,” Luke muses with a smirk.
There's another knock on the door and Luke opens it. It's Cal, having walked over from across the hall. “Ok so did you guys hear that too?” He asks.
Luke stands in the doorway discussing the mystery with Cal while Sierra bewilderedly studies your faces.
You bite the inside of your cheek to keep from laughing when you hear Cal thinking out loud, "But how would he get a girl in here without her knowing?"
"No, man, she's been here the whole time."
"The WHOLE time?"
"Apparently."
"Well... I mean… Maybe… No..."
Sierra’s eyes narrow at you, “It was the two of you.” She determines, looking between you and Ashton. “You two hooked up...”
“You said I was crazy for suggesting that!” Luke laughs.
“I didn’t think she’d do it.” Sierra laughs in disbelief. “Holy shit.”
You realize Michael and Crystal must have visited Cal's room to discuss the incident because he shakes his head and announces behind him, "Mike, you were right."
You hear a shout of "Yay! No, wait, ew that's weird. Not yay" mixed with a quieter "Whyyy?" that must've come from Crystal.
You didn't think you were the blushing type but you feel your cheeks getting warmer and you hope everyone will assume it's the heat. But Ash notices and starts waving your friends out of the room, "Ok folks, show's over."
"So we're right then?" Luke teases.
"Get the fuck outta here," Ash playfully shoos him away.
Luke and Cal shuffle out while Sierra turns back and mouths "Oh my God?" at you and mimes for you to text her.
As Ash shuts the door behind them, you flop onto the bed, exhaling loudly. He laughs and climbs on next to you. He kisses your shoulder reassuringly. "You good?"
You turn to face him, "Yeah, they're just. A lot sometimes." He snorts in agreement. "Fuck, they're gonna be so obnoxious about this, what should we do?" You ask, curious for his opinion.
"Well," he starts but then kisses you long enough that you begin to wonder if he forgot he was in the middle of a sentence. He pulls away and looks at you mischievously. "I say we give them about 15 minutes to settle back into their rooms and then we really give them something to talk about."
Tag list: @cocktail-calum @1dthewantedlove @youngblood199456 @lustingforwunder @calumsphile @neso-k @rosecoloredash @radmcqueen @justayoungandwisefangirl @itsnotmyblood @lietoash @pushthetide21 @5sosfanficrec @therealmrshale @fallfrxmgrace @lukashemmos @justarandomgirlthatyoudontknow @5sos-microwave @madbomb @sweetheartmendes1000 @literally-anythin @lfwallscouldtalk @clemmingstylins0n @ccnicole02 @lustingfor5sos @buteverythingiscopacetic @rosesfromcth @bodaciousbonzi1996 @ashtontotheirwin @captainam-erika-trash @xxgendurvikixx @jazzyangel242 @bluebabycal @rhiannonmichellee @iovehemmings @glitterycalum1205 @katcontreras @cashtonasfuck @ificanthaveu @kindahoping4forever @here-for-the-uproars @canterburyfiction @opheliaaurora @queer-5sos @banditocth @gigglyirwin @glitterycalum1205 @rebelwith0utacause
gc tags: @sublimehood @sugarcoated-pain @5sosnsfw @angelbabylu @aspiringwildfire @irwinkitten @lashtoncurls @myloverboyash @singt0mecalum
masterlist || ashton || calum || luke || michael
wanna be tagged? go here
#it's ashton smut#ashton irwin#tropes on tropes on tropes#cass#crystal#friendship 🦦🦦#galaxy brain#idk where this came from#it's a 30 page doc#stay wet#enjoy#this is what we spent all night writing#crystal really is that bitch
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Backstage (Ashton Irwin Smut)
Summary: Ashton is on a high after a show, and (Y/N) is the only thing he craves. (Smut / Degradation / Unprotective Sex)
(Request) (Words: 1.4k)
I barely had a moment to greet Ashton as he got off the stage before he dragged me in a little closet along him.
In seconds, I am with my back pressed against the nearest wall, his hands holding onto my hips harshly, his fingers pressing onto my bones.
"You were great tonight." I manage to mumble before he slams his lips on mine. He is rough with me, kissing me deeply, biting on my bottom lip, and pulling it back after he decides it is time to draw in a breath.
"I need you, princess. I am on a high, I need you." He mumbles, gluing his body on mine. I feel his bulge against my stomach, making me gulp the knot that has formed in my throat.
"Fuck me, daddy. Please. I need you." I moan, causing him to nod before pressing his forehead on mine. He is sweaty, like every time he has been on stage, he is glistening with sweat, dewy under the light of the closet.
"Aren't the guys going to hear us?" I ask, while his fingers work to rid me of my jeans.
"Do we care, my love?" He asks, turning me around until my chest is now flat against the wall. He positions my hips in the way he likes them, my ass in the air and I am standing on my toes to be on the right height for him.
I hear his zip open, which makes me smile at the thought of what's about to happen.
"You are going to be a good girl for me and take daddy's cock, right babygirl?" He asks me, leaning closer and whispering in my ear. I whimper in approval, nodding my head as I bring my hands to support my body on the wall.
"Aren't I always, daddy?" I ask back, turning my head lightly to smirk at him.
"Well, you can be a bratty pain in the ass sometime..." He replies, lining his cock up to my entrance.
"Try to convince me you don't like it when I am a brat..." I say cockily, just as he thrusts his cock inside me.
I moan as he does, closing my eyes as his dick jams inside me and he brings his hands to grab onto me.
"My tight little pussy. My fucking little whore." He growls, slapping my ass between thrusts. I love the sound his hand makes against my skin, the sound his hips make slapping against my ass. I love his groans and little moans, I love how the room smells like sweat and sex, all those pheromones messing with my head, making me crave him evermore. My mind still slips to the memory of him banging his drums on stage. I always find that porn-like, the expressions he makes while at it so similar to the ones he has when he fucks me mercilessly.
"Harder..." I utter under my breath, earning a hum from him before he pounds on me, slow, deep thrusts with greater force. My nails graze down the drywall, nearly chipping away the paint that coats it. My stomach hurts, the impact of his dick against my cervix making me tighten around him, making my body burn with desire.
"Choke me... Choke me, please." I plead, bringing one hand to take his in, placing it around my throat. His fingers there feel like heaven, the calloused pads roughening my skin. He tightens them around my throat, making me gasp; I always do, I know he likes it, he likes realizing how my body reacts to his touch, it makes him intoxicated.
"Want it tighter, princess? Want me to choke you harder?" He asks, pulling me closer to his body. My body is totally arched against him, chest pushed out as he fucks me. His breath is hot against my skin, making my eyes roll at the sensation.
"You got wetter the moment my fingers wrapped around your throat... You are my little pain slut, aren't you?" He chuckles cockily, turning my face until his lips are on mine. He kisses me sloppily, tongue invading my mouth as he fucks me with the same tempo, slow, deep, sensational thrusts that hit my spot in the perfect way.
I gasp for air against his lips as his fingers leave my throat, moving down to lower the neckline of my top. My bra is exposed now, for only a second, since his hand moves my cups to free my tits.
He pinches my nipple between his fingers, pulling at it and making me hiss.
"Ashton..." I whimper, feeling my eyes tear up at the overstimulation.
"You know better than calling me that, love..." He growls by my ear, giving me a thrust that makes me jolt forward.
"Daddy... I want to cum..." I cry out, feeling my legs become jelly.
"I can feel it, princess. You are pulsing around me... It feels good." He muses over my reactions, becoming too cocky.
"May I cum, daddy? Please? I can't hold back anymore..." My voice is shaky, breaking with each thrust.
"You may not, dove. You have to wait for me." He growls, moving his lips to my neck, biting and sucking on it. My face is hot and tense as I try to follow his wish, but the sensation of the velvet mouth and the prickly stubble contrasting against my skin makes holding back a lot harder.
His veins are throbbing inside me, sending chills down my spine. My hand moves to his forearm, digging my nails into his skin, leaving marks on his arm. My head falls backward on his shoulder, resting there as I become too weak to support myself as we fuck.
"Cum, baby. Cum around my cock." He groans, kissing my temple softly.
I brace myself for the next few thrusts, knowing that I will come undone around him in the following seconds.
And I do. I cum around him, groaning and screaming in pleasure. He holds onto me tighter, pressing kisses on my face as he moves his hips, stopping after a thrust to feel me tighten around him.
"Fucking hell, princess." He mumbles as he cums, shooting deep inside me, rasping for air.
I smile to myself as we calm down, trying to untangle ourselves from each other.
"You need a shower." I comment, turning around to look at him as he fixes his clothes.
"I know... And now you need one too. My sweat is allover you." He comments, fixing my shirt for me.
"I like your smell on me..." I reply, smiling at him.
"I know you do. But you need a shower. Preferably one with me in it." He throws me a crooked smirk, before leaning down to kiss me.
"Yeah, I think I need that shower too." I reply, teasing his lips with mine after we part.
We exit the closet room, walking back in the backstage room, where the rest is already sprawled in.
However, everyone turns and looks at us the moment we walk in. Instinctively, my eyes go to the ground and I rush to get away from their gaze.
"How long has this been happening behind our backs?" Luke asks, smirking at us.
"I... I don't know what you are talking about..." I stutter, avoiding looking at him.
"We saw him drag you in the closet. We heard you going at it..." He replies, insisting on not letting this just go by.
"We... We were just talking..." I don't think I can fool anyone with that shameful excuse.
"Just talking... And the marks on your neck are there because...?" Luke asks, pointing at the hickeys on my skin.
"Enough! Stop torturing her. What we do together is none of your business. Stop giving her shit. If you want to tease someone, tease me. But for the love of God, stop pestering her." Ashton steps in, making me smile at his willingness to step up for me.
"We... We just wanted you guys to talk to us. We didn't mean... Shit, I am sorry, (Y/N)... We just wanted to tease you two, just for shit and giggles." Luke apologizes awkwardly, so I smile at him and nod.
"I'll go pick up my stuff." I comment and Ashton nods at me, pressing a kiss on my forehead before I walk away.
I guess there is no reason for us to hide from people now. Sooner or later we would have been discovered. I guess our dirty little secret is not so secret anymore. And I have never felt safer than now, that everyone knows about me and Ashton.
My Masterlist
#ashton irwin#ashton fletcher irwin#ashton 5sos#ashton irwin imagine#ashton irwin smut#ashton irwin smut imagine#ashton irwin smutty#ashton irwin smutty imagine#5 seconds of summer#5 seconds of summer imagine#5 seconds of summer smut#5 seconds of summer smutty#5 seconds of summer smut imagine#5 seconds of summer smutty imagine#5sos#5sos imagine#5sos smut#5sos smutty#5sos smut imagine#5sos smutty imagine#imagine#smut#smutty#smut imagine#smutty imagine#request#wattpad#wattpad writer#a.f.i
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Get Out
Your pov:
You were laying on the couch scrolling through shows on Netflix when he walked in. “How was the studio H?” You set the remote down and smiled, leaning over the back of the couch. Without saying anything, he shrugged and kept his back to you. “Did you get any recording in or did you finish any of the songs you had been working on?” Again another shrug. Normally when Harry walked in the door he was all over you. Today it seemed he couldn’t wait to get away again. “Everything okay?” Another shrug.
Your temper was flaring. Being upset, or angry, or worried, or stressed was one thing, but ignoring someone was another. You stood up, walking over to him, taking one more deep breath, and then placing a hand on his shoulder. “Talk to me....what’s wrong?”
Harry shrugged your hand off his shoulder and turned to face you with a glare. “Why don’t you go ask Ashton.” Harry spat, walking around the kitchen island to the fridge.
Ashton was your ex, the guy you had dated before finally realizing you had been in love with your best friend. You and him had ended things nicely and you still considered him a friend to this day. “What does Ash have to do with anything?” you asked confused.
“Ashton raves about relationship with ex (y/n) and spills how the two are in constant contact.” Harry reads aloud from an article on his phone.
“Harry that’s ridiculous I mean-”
“A source close to Ashton reveals his feelings for (y/n) have never changed. He is still in love with her and wishes that one day the two would reunite. Sources also say the two have been spotted on multiple occasions reuniting for coffee and even romantic dinners.” Your mouth was hanging open. Harry was glaring at you from across the kitchen and laughing. “So..when exactly were you going to tell me about these ‘coffee dates and romantic dinners’?”
“Babe-”
“Don’t call me babe.” Harry dropped his phone on the counter and ran his hands through his hair. “God, I’m so fucking stupid. You tell me you have work meetings in the morning and over dinner and yet here you are going on dates with your ex.”
“Harry.” You interrupted his thought. “I’m not going on dates with my ex!”
“Oh yeah? Because there are pictures included in the article (y/n)...you can’t lie anymore. You’ve been caught.”
You laughed and shook your head. “You know when you calm down and want to talk about this-”
“I don’t want to calm down. I certainly don’t want to talk to you about this. Get out.”
“Excuse me?”
“I said get out.” Harry’s nostrils were flaring and tears of frustration were forming in your eyes. “Get the fuck out of my house. I don’t let liars and cheaters stay here. Get out.” He pointed to the door and chewed your bottom lip trying to decide what to do.
“Harry...” you couldn’t help it. Your voice broke and tears spilled down your cheeks.
“Shut up. Just leave.” He turned around and walked towards his bedroom. “Don’t make me call security (y/n).” He turned to look at you, only briefly breaking his strong composure when he saw your state of being but instead of changing that he moved on to the bedroom without another word.
You grabbed your phone and walked to the door. You had been seeing Ash...but not in the way he thought or the article intended. It was for work...you were working with Ashton and his sister Gemma on a project and hadn’t mentioned it to Harry yet because you and Gemma had wanted it to be a surprise. You turned around, hoping Harry would be there and tell you not to leave...but he wasn’t so you walked out into the cool damp air with nowhere to go.
Harry’s pov:
Harry heard the door close behind her and he wiped the tears from his cheeks. He knew that she had always been friends with Ashton, but never thought that she would cheat on him like that. He was upset, both pissed off and sad. (y/n) had been the best thing in his life. She brought another kind of joy that nothing else had. She was his one true love and now she was gone, probably off fucking her ex boyfriend. Harry jumped into bed and layed there, trying to play out all the possible explanations for why she had done it. She had left him in the first place to be with Harry....maybe she realized she was more into Ash than him. He closed his eyes, drifting off into an uneasy sleep, the first night without her.
His phone woke him the following morning, it was a constant ringing he couldn’t seem to get rid of which meant one thing: Gemma. “What do you want?” He groaned into the phone, rubbing his tired and puffy eyes.
“That’s not a kind way to greet your sister ya know?”
“Gem it’s like 7 am what do you want?”
“I wanted to talk to (y/n) but she isn’t answering her phone. Can I talk to her?”
“She’s not here so no.”
“Where is she?” She sounded surprised, probably not expecting her to cheat...
“I kicked her out. She’s not coming back so get used to it.”
“Why would you do that? I mean I thought-”
“You thought wrong.” Harry laughed and sat up in bed. “Apparently she’s been out fucking her ex boyfriend Ashton. An article leaked about it yesterday. She had the audacity to lie to me about it as well.” Harry laughed again and shook his head. “I was a fool Gem, a fool for trusting her, for loving her for-”
“Harry.” She interrupted suddenly sounding very worried. “She wasn’t cheating on you...”
“What do you mean? There’s proof-”
“No. No...Harry she and Ashton and I....we are all working on a project together...we wanted it to be a surprise for you. She’s been meeting with Ashton for breakfast and dinners occasionally, yes, but I’ve been there as well. We are getting all of the details settled this week and then we were going to break the news. Harry (y/n) loves you more than anything...she’s not cheating on you.”
Harry swallowed down the guilt, anger, and confusion. “She...she’s not cheating?”
“No! Of course not. (y/n) and Ash are friends, but she's in love with you and even he knows that...”
“Fuck..” Harry ran his hands through his hair, now suddenly very stressed. He needed to find her...to tell her sorry...to beg for forgiveness...to beg her to come home.
“You’re an idiot. Did you even allow her a chance to explain it?”
“I mean no...” Gemma laughed and Harry frowned. She was right, he was an idiot.
“I have to go.” Harry felt sick to his stomach.
“I bet you do. Good luck little brother.”
Harry hung up and instantly dialed (y/n)...she of course didn’t answer so he jumped out of bed, threw on some jogging shorts, and a jacket, pulled the hair out of his face with a clip, and threw in ear buds. He would continue to call her until she answered.
The first spot was Ashton’s. He pounded on the door until a very tired Ash walked up confused. “Harry?”
“Is (y/n) here?”
“No....is she okay?”
Harry didn’t even answer just turned the other direction and ran. He ran to her best friends house, again she wasn’t there. He stood on the corner and wanted to scream. He had totally screwed up the best thing that had happened to him. He didn’t know where else to look.
He wandered down the street, continuously calling. Finally, after what felt like the 500th call she picked up. “What do you want Harry?”
“I need to talk to you...to see you....where are you?”
“What do you need? Can’t we just get it over with now? What else do you want to yell at me for?”
“Nothing...I, I want to apologize....I need to talk to you....please (y/n)...babe...can we just talk?”
After a long silence and a sigh, “Fine. Come to the hotel on the corner...the one we stayed at when-”
“I’ll be there in 5 minutes.”
Harry ran, faster than he had. He pushed through the revolving doors and looked around the lobby. She was nowhere. He sat down at a chair and waited and waited until finally her body appeared by the elevator.
Your pov:
You sighed and wiped your tears again. You had tried to clean up, tried to make it look like he hadn’t affected you. In reality, you had barely slept, cried most of the night, and wondered what you had done to royally screw up. You spotted him immediately, he was sitting in a chair by the door. He was in athletic clothes and was covered in sweat. If you hadn’t been upset, you would’ve really appreciated the view.
“(y/n)...”
“Harry.” You crossed your arms as he approached and you looked at him. He looked pretty terrible, kind of like you felt.
“I’m so sorry....baby...”
“Harry you kicked me out. You didn’t even let me explain....” your voice broke and you tried stopping the tears. “What are you even doing here?”
“I was wrong...I should've let you explain. I never thought...welll I thought that-”
“What? That I didn’t love you? Hate to break it to you H, but I broke up with Ashton for YOU.”
Harry winced and nodded, taking another step closer, your back now firmly against the wall. “I know...I’m so sorry. I jumped to conclusions. I should've let you explain..I was wrong..” When you said nothing but looked at your foot he continued. “Why didn’t you tell me about the project?”
“I didn’t want to ruin the surprise...It’s mainly Gemma’s but Ash and I were helping out...that’s why I was with him....that’s why it looked like it was a date but it wasn’t. It was also Gemma...she wanted to tell you.”
Harry laughed and shook his head. “Babe...please come home...I swear I’ll never jump to conclusions again...I-I love you so much...I can’t lose you.”
“Kind of ironic though right? You love me but kick me out?”
“(y/n)...”
You sighed and looked away. “I don’t know Harry...”
He pulled you against him lightly and looked down into your eyes, a sigh escaping his lips and his head touching yours. “Please. I love you...tell me you love me...”
You couldn’t help it. You gave in, smiling and reaching up to rub his cheek. “I love you too H.” You pressed your lips to his, his hands pulling you against him so there was no longer any touching space. “But if you ever kick me out again...I swear to god Harry...”
“I won't be that stupid again...I’ll never let you walk out of my house. I care too much and realize how painful life would be without you...I won't be going anywhere without anywhere.”
“Better be telling the truth.”
“I wouldn’t lie to you.” Harry smiled and kissed your nose. “You don’t love him though right...”
“Harry...”
“I just want to make sure...you know make sure I was totally overreaching.”
“Babe...I love you more than I love ice cream, and you know how much I love ice cream. I love Ashton, but more in like a sprinkles on top way. He’s my best friend, you’re my addiction. You have nothing to worry about with him..”
Harry smiled, rushing forward again and grinning. “So what exactly is this project then...”
“Oh that’s a Gemma question. I’m staying out of this.”
“Please....” Harry begged, trying to figure out what was happening.
“Call your sister.”
“I’d much rather spend my time with you....in this hotel room you stayed in...”
You laughed, kissing him harder and pulling him into the elevator. “Get out of here Styles...you’re not welcome.”
Harry laughed, scooping you into his arms and attacking you with kisses. “What was that?”
You laughed harder, “You...you’re not...you're not welcome. Get out.”
“Don’t even think about kicking me out...”
“I can think of better things to do with our time...” you whispered in his ear. You laughed and basked in the kisses he was giving, grateful for the time you had with Harry, getting over the exhausting and dreadful fearing of losing him, because you had him back and you weren't about to lose him again anytime soon.
----
A short blurb for a request I got, enjoy!
xoxo
#one direction#one direction fanfiction#directioners#one direction imagines#Harry Styles#harrystyles#Harry Syles#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles fanfic#harry styles imagine#harry styles imagines
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Birds of a Feather
Request: Heey. I don't know if you're into MBTI but I really think ashton is an ENFJ and I know that I'm an ENFP and I would be incredibly happy if you could write something with that 💕
Word count: 2.8k
And away, and away we go!
__
I blew into my hands before rubbing them fiercely together as we walked along the crowded city sidewalk, my breath visible in the frigid air. I gave them a quick shake, flexing the numbness out of my fingers before shoving them in my jacket pockets and taking a few longer strides to keep up with my friends. Britt’s laugh was ringing off the buildings as she clung on to Luke’s arm, his own arm steady around her waist. A pace behind them was Michael and Crystal, their gloved pinkies interlocked as they walked. And bringing up the rear was Calum, and, of course, me. “So how long is this play?” Calum piped up loud enough for Britt to hear him.
“Uh… Y/N said it was like 2 hours I think? Plus the intermission. Why?” she asked, turning to look over her shoulder at the man.
“Just curious,” Calum grinned. When Britt turned back around, he glanced over at me and rolled his eyes. “Two fuckin’ hours? Seriously? Our one night off? In New fuckin’ York. And we’re spending it watching a play? Fuck…”
If he was looking for sympathy about basically being a fifth wheel on group date night, Calum had another thing coming. “It’s a musical, not a play, Cal,” I said, nudging his shoulder with mine.
“There’s a difference?”
“Yeah. Musicals have singing. That’s why they’re called musicals.”
Calum rolled his eyes again, letting out a small snort of laughter. “Genius, mate. MuSiCaLs HaVe SiNgInG,” he mocked.
I laughed with him. “Aw, c’mon Cal. It’s fuckin’ Broadway! Can’t go to New York, and not see a show.”
“Uh… yes we can. We do it all the time.”
“You fuckers gonna hurry up before or after I freeze to death?” Michael asked. Crystal was huddled into his side. Beside them, Britt and Luke were hugging each other with Britt’s arms looped through Luke’s jacket as he sheltered her from the cold.
I swallowed the pang of envy I felt at my friends’ relationships, and flashed a smile. “Yeah, let’s do this.”
“Wake me up at intermission,” Calum said, feigning a yawn and stretching his arms up over his head.
Luke punched him.
“Ow!” Calum winced, hitting Luke back. “The fuck was that for?”
Luke shot a glance over at Britt who had turned to get our tickets from will call, her shoulders slightly hunched. “Britt hasn’t seen Y/N in months, and she’s really excited about this. I guess it’s like a really big deal for her friend, plus she misses her. Don’t fuckin’ ruin this for me just cause you’d rather be at some club.”
“Plus, this musical is supposed to be really good,” Crystal put in.
“They made it a movie, yeah?” Michael asked.
“I think so,” I answered. “With… what’s her name…” I snapped my fingers and my mind fumbled for the name. “Anna Kendrick! That’s it. It’s a movie with Anna Kendrick in it.”
“That’s who Y/N’s playing!” Britt’s voice piped up as she started to hand us our tickets.
“She’s playing Anna Kendrick?” Calum asked stupidly.
“No, she’s playing Anna Kendrick’s character. Which happens to be the lead,” Britt explained, her pride in her old friend evident in how bright her voice was growing. “She’s so amazing, you guys are gonna love her. And the show!”
We all murmured in answer as we made our way inside the theater. Calum thumbed through the playbill ushers were handing out. “You said she’s the lead?” he asked.
“Yep!”
“Hmm… interesting,” he muttered under his breath, still looking at the page.
I thumbed through the little booklet myself, figuring out what was just so interesting about this to Calum. “There’s only 2 roles…” I murmured back.
“How great of an actress can Britt’s friend be to get a lead where it’s literally the only option?” Calum continued to whisper so only I heard him, still hopeful I’d take his side of being bitter about tonight’s activity, but I still wasn’t accepting his pity party invitation.
“Probably really fuckin’ good to get the only female role,” I whispered back with a grin.
The brown eyes rolled as he plopped down in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. “Sometimes you’re too optimistic for your own good, you know that? Happy about playing fifth wheel…”
“We’re the fifth and sixth wheel regardless of what we do, Cal,” I told him, taking the seat next to him.
“Yeah, but at least at a club, I can get me a seventh wheel, if you know what I mean.”
“We go to clubs all the time, Cal. One night isn’t gonna kill us. Plus we’re being supportive of Britt’s friend, isn’t that right, guys?”
“Right!” they all chorused, Luke shooting Calum another sharp look.
Calum raised his hands in surrender. “Alright, alright. Hey, Mike, wanna hit the concession stand with me?”
Michael rocketed up from his seat. “Snacks?”
~~~
Whatever bitterness had taken over Calum was diminishing by intermission and was completely erased by the end of the show. “Damn, Britt, ya girl’s got some pipes.”
“See?!” Britt gloated, sticking her tongue out at him. “I told ya she’s amazing!”
“Yeah, she is,” I marveled in what I thought was just in my head. But based on how all my friends’ heads swiveled towards me with raised eyebrows had me thinking I’d actually said it out loud. “What?”
“Ooooo! Does someone have a little crush?” Michael teased, making kissy faces for dramatic effect.
“Damn, Ash. I knew you were a romantic type but I didn’t realize you fell that quick,” Calum snickered.
“Aw! Look at how red his cheeks are!” Crystal pointed out.
“I-“ I stammered, every part of my face warm, even the tips of my ears. “I was just agreeing with Britt and Cal. Y/N is uh… very talented. You know with the acting and the singing… she really draws in her audience. It’s uh… yeah…” Call it a sixth sense, but I had a good feeling about the girl. And she was Britt’s friend, and Britt and I got along fine. Who’s to say I couldn’t get along with her friend? Her stunning friend with the captivating voice that I was sure would find its way into my dreams? Okay… so I was a bit of an impulsive romantic. But so what? What was the point of having a good instinct if I didn’t listen to it?
“Well, c’mon!” Britt encouraged hurrying out of our row of seats. “She told me something about a stage door. Oh, she’ll probably want to go get food. Are you guys okay with that? If we go find a diner or something?” Her eyebrows pulled together and her teeth worried at her bottom lip as she looked up at Luke with big hopeful eyes. I smiled as Luke nodded at her before turning to us with a similar expression. They were like golden retriever puppies, the two of them. The same childlike glee with a dash of shyness that sometimes came out of nowhere. That was the thing I had noticed about my friends and their relationships. Both Luke and Michael had found someone like them. Someone who matched their energy. And maybe that was my problem. Maybe I just needed someone that matched mine rather than someone who counteracted it like I’d previously thought. Maybe opposites actually didn’t attract, and it was a lot more birds of a feather flock together sort of thing. Or maybe I was overthinking love dynamics way too much for my own good.
“I’m always down for food,” Michael shrugged.
“Of course you are,” we answered with eye rolls and friendly laughter.
By the time we got to the stage door, there was a small but decent sized crowd milling about. “Feels weird being on this side of things, huh?” Calum questioned as he drew up his hood, and I wondered if it had more to do with how cold it was outside, or out of years of instinct. Whatever it ended up being, the rest of us also pulled up our hoods to hide our faces, both from the people and the wind.
I was about to entertain Calum’s comment with a chuckle about how it was definitely a little weird to be the ones lying in wait rather than the ones about to be ambushed, but the door opened and everyone started clapping and whopping. A few girls even screamed that ear splitting scream as the male lead raised a hand in greeting, flashing a million dollar smile. But he was of little interest to me. My focus zeroed straight in on the woman of the hour who came out just behind her co-star. Eyeliner smudged in the corners of soft, bright eyes like she’d taken off her stage make up in a hurry, and she looked very comfortable in a hoodie, leggings, and a beanie pulled snugly down over her ears. A stark contrast from the costumes she donned on stage only moments again, but breathtaking all the same. Her eyes crinkled in the corners as she smiled and her mouth moved with words of gratitude and greeting.
Britt was practically jumping in place with her excitement to see her friend, but we waited for the crowd to thin before Britt let out a loud and excited “Y/N!” Then, she ran the short distance to crash into her friend.
“Britt! Oh my god! I didn’t know you were coming!” Y/N matched her friend’s excitement as she hugged Britt tight to her.
“I told you I would come!” Britt beamed.
“I know, but I didn’t think you meant like tonight. And you brought company!” Y/N’s attention turned to Luke first. “You must be Luke. Heard a lot about you. I’m a hugger, is that okay?”
“Nice to meet ya, darling,” Luke smiled, offering her a hug. “The show was amazing.”
“Aw, thanks! And let’s see…” She brought a finger to her lips as she studied us all. “You two,” the finger pointed at Michael and Crystal, “have to be Michael and Crystal, right? Michael, I hear you give amazing hugs.”
“That would be us,” Michael laughed before giving her a tight bear hug like they were long lost friends.
“Oh damn!” Y/N laughed, her face flushed. “Now that’s a fuckin’ hug! Crystal, you are one lucky lady.”
“Don’t I know it,” Crystal nodded, hugging the other woman. “So wonderful to meet you.”
“Oh, same! It’s amazing to put faces to the names Britt tells me about. I mean, not that it’s hard to put faces to your names cuz… well… it’s just really nice to actually meet you all finally. Which brings me to Ashton and Calum, yes?” she asked, her attention now fully on Calum and me.
“That would be us. I’m Cal,” Cal went first, giving her a quick hug in greeting like everyone else had.
“So that means you have to be Ashton,” she said.
“Yep,” I managed to get out before her arms were wrapping around my shoulders. My arms snaked around her back, reveling in the feeling of holding her against me.
“Don’t tell the others, but you’re the one I’ve been most excited to meet,” her voice whispered in my ear for only me to hear before she let go, and I let her step out of my grasp. I swear she even shot me a covert wink before clapping her hands together. “Oh this is great! I’m so glad y’all could come see the show. I’d love to continue to hang out with y’all, but I am starving. So if you guys had other plans you wanted to do to-“
“Food sounds great,” I interrupted. “Right, guys?”
“I could eat,” Michael agreed while Britt and Luke shot me a grateful look.
“Okay, awesome! There’s this great diner a couple blocks up. Walking distance really. Just um… let me run back inside real quick and grab the rest of my things. Oh, I’m so glad you’re here!” She gave Britt another quick squeeze before dashing back inside the theater.
The man she’d come out with snapped out of his own haze to realize that it was just him and us standing around. “Thanks for coming to the show,” he smiled politely as he took a few slow steps towards the door, giving us ample time to stop him and ask for autographs or pictures, but we didn’t stop him. No offense to him, but we weren’t here for him. But we gave a polite wave and muttered a congratulatory “great show,” as he walked inside.
A few minutes later, the door pushed open and out popped Y/N, laughing loudly as Mr. Broadway laughed with her just a step behind, his hand above hers on the door to help push it open. “I’ll see ya tomorrow, you goof,” she kept laughing, giving him a swift hug.
“Aw c’mon!” he flirted. “The club’s just a short walk down that way. I know the bouncer. Bound to be a good time.”
“I can’t,” she smiled, holding up her hands in apology. “I’m starving for 1, and look! My friends are in town.” One of her arms slung its way across my shoulders, the other across Britt’s. I tried not to smirk.
The man gave a small laugh as he nodded. “Alright. Well if you guys change your mind after you grab that bite to eat, you know how to reach me.”
“I’ll keep that in mind. Later, Dean.”
“Later, girlie.”
She blew out her breath as the man walked in the opposite direction from us. “That guy’s a character… C’mon! To food!”
~~~
I’m not sure how it happened, but one minute we were all in a diner, swapping stories with Y/N like we were all old friends catching up instead of just meeting for the first time, and the next it was just her and I walking through Central Park. I was too busy being captivated by the way her eyes sparkled, and her hands flew as she talked animatedly, a smear of ketchup in the corner of her mouth to listen to what my friends' excuses for leaving were, or even if they had tried to get me to follow. All I cared about was being in her presence. “You know, you’re really great, Ash,” she said as she stopped and leaned against the stone wall of the bridge we were crossing, a street lamp casting her in a soft glow. “Can I call you Ash? I heard them all calling you that, so I figured it was okay. But if it’s one of those ‘only my closest friends get to call me that’ then obviously I won’t.”
“Ash is fine,” I giggled. “You’re pretty great yourself. Which makes this next part a little narcissistic, but you kinda remind me of myself a bit.”
“I don’t think that makes you narcissistic. And yes, I’m a hundred percent saying that because I see it too, and don’t want to be a narcissist myself. We have very similar souls, I think.”
“I think we do too,” I told her as I rested my arms on the ledge of the bridge, looking out at the water. “So, um… What's the deal with that co-star of yours? Dean?” I tried to ask slyly.
“Great actor. Bright career. But actually a narcissist.” She gave a small chuckle before sighing. “I’m single. These actor types… well they know how to lay on the charm, let’s put it that way. I don’t want to date someone as a publicity stunt, ya know? I want it to be real. So I’m pretty selective about who I date.”
“Mmm, so that would be a no to coffee in the morning?”
“I didn’t say that.” She spun around so her back was no longer resting along the wall of the bridge. She propped her left elbow on the ledge, cupping her chin in her palm, and her right hand came to rest lightly on top of mine. “I really like you, Ashton. Britt… She tells me stories about you guys all the time. And I get how weird it is to only hear stories about a person and think you’d get on with them. And I also get that there’s only so much you can learn about someone in a few hours through even more stories. But-- and I could be wrong, but I don’t think I am-- I get the feeling that you really like me too. That we have a connection that somehow transcends needing to know more about each other for us to be certain about how we feel about each other. That…” She paused for a moment, looking for how to explain the unexplainable.
“That if I don’t kiss you, I might die,” I supplied, hopeful she meant something along those lines.
“Something like that,” she breathed before we both leaned in, our lips meeting in the middle.
__
Tag List
@aquarius-hood1996 @creator-appreciator @philthepegacorn @myfavfanficsever @cxddlyash @youngblood199456 @stormrider505 @tarltongrl96 @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof @hoodhoran @metalandboybands @maybeememez
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tagged by @leonzhng thanks for making me dig through my most embarrassing crushes 😭✋
i’ll tag @highwarlockkareena @yibobibo @lan-xichens @purplexedhuman @aheartfullofjolllly @lanzhansmiles @nyx4 i feel like i tag you guys in everything i am so sorry please ignore this if u don’t wanna do it !!
putting this under a read more for reasons
MEN 2010 – 2016
literally nothing more embarrassing than falling on the same type of white man over and over again (with the exception of minho from shinee bless his heart)
tommy joe ratliff → he was the bass player for adam lambert during his glamnation era (think of songs like for your entertainment and if i had you) idk why exactly i liked him so much but i just did.... however i searched him up again quite recently and found out he’s one of those republicans that says the dumbest shit on twitter so Big Yikes
harry styles → “baby you light up my world like nobody else, the way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed, and when you smile at the ground it ain’t hard to tell...” and BOOM 13-year-old me was sold for well over two years
louis tomlinson → basically i liked harry most until around 2013 when for some reason i started to like him a little less, and i got more focused on louis tomlinson, and although i didn’t like one direction anymore louis tomlinson always had a special place in my heart
ashton irwin → so ashton is 5sos’ drummer, i discovered 5sos through one direction & i stanned them until late 2014
harries twins → the harries twins (jack & finn) are basically the reason i started spending a lot of time on youtube, they were funny and pretty and they just had good videos in general, so for almost two years i’d watch their content regularly
choi minho → my first steps into kpop happened bc i was watching videos on youtube (most probably the harries twins) and suddenly i saw the sherlock mv in my recommended videos so i clicked on it and then 14-year-old me proceeded to fall for minho like an idiot
brooks twins → still youtubers, the brooks twins were 3/5 of the janoskians (jai & luke brooks, beau brooks, daniel sahyounie, & james yammouni), an australian youtube comedy group that was active from 2011-2018 though i was only around from 2012-2014 (when jai brooks was dating ariana grande)
jc caylen → surprise! another youtuber! jc caylen was part of o2l (our2ndlife) a youtube collaboration channel on which each of the 6 members posted videos on a certain day in the week (mondays with connor, tuesdays with ricky, wednesdays with sam, thursdays with jc, fridays with trevi (my 2nd favorite member bc she participated on the x factor), saturdays with ricardo, and then they had surprise sundays every week) and i remember how much joy jc & the others always brought me with their silly videos
misha collins → up next, you might know him as the gay angel that was sent to superhell after confessing his love to the homophobic hunter on supernatural, it’s misha collins! basically misha was a huge source of comfort for me, and i even went around calling myself emmisha for almost two full years (cringe)
henrik holm → he played even bech naesheim in skam and my crush on him reached that level of ridiculousness where i actually tried my hand at learning norwegian (i can only remember how to introduce myself and some curse words i would make a great first impression on him)
MEN 2016 – 2021
min yoongi → okay so my baby steps into kpop happened through shinee’s sherlock, but i only got really invested when yoongi dropped agust d 1 because Holy Fuck y’know??
kim namjoon → oh man i remember thinking namjoon was cute and a very good leader and then BAM he dressed like THAT at the 2016 mma’s and i fell in love. hard
park seojoon → i started liking park seojoon whilst i was watching hwarang (you guessed it, i watched it bc of taehyung), although he wasn’t my favorite character by far, but he was very silly off camera & i liked that (i’m not that into him anymore tho </3)
kim seokjin → OH BOY LET ME TELL U i liked seokjin from the very beginning (i got to know bts in late 2014) and i always liked seeing him perform and be himself and god once i realized i had a crush on him it just hit me like a mf truck, and he’s still one of my favorite people to this day
jung hoseok → god fake love era hoseok really hits different.... also yes i know i have all of bts’ hyung line on my list BUT bts was a really big part of my life for almost 6 years soooo honestly they deserve it i still think they’re great guys
choi san → when ateez made their debut in 2018 i immediately fell in love with san, he was such an amazing dancer and he captivated me right from the very beginning, to this day he’s still my bias in ateez uwu
xiao zhan → AND THEN, OCTOBER OF 2019 HAPPENS AND I WATCH CQL AND... i fall in love with xiao zhan, something i’d never expected would happen bc when i watched cql for the first time i wasn’t as invested in the story, but i really really really liked xiao zhan and one thing led to another and now here i am as a xfx
wang yibo → the thing is, i’ve known yibo since eoeo except i didn’t know cql yibo was uniq yibo (bc i’d forgotten his name) and when i looked it up i can tell you my jaw dropped to the floor bc holy shit????? also he is very silly and i love him loads ok
lee minho → ah, the man who has been my skz bias since 2018, not only is minho my bias i also kin him (there’s a lot of aspects of myself that i see in minho and vice versa) and he’s very comforting to me
bang chan → honestly, it was only a matter of time before i’d fall for bang chan, i knew the moment i got into skz again that i’d start biasing him and, well, here i am, double biasing chan & minho
WOMEN
this list is shorter bc i’ve in general always had less crushes on women than on men??? blame society forcing me into thinking i was straight for a LONG time
ariana grande → remember the 2011 layout of twitter?? where u could not only have an icon and a header, but also a background and ur twitter page was smack in the center of ur screen with the big ugly menu bar at the top??? yeah ariana grande was always my background for my l*rr* st*l*n*s*n layouts
perrie edwards → this was right around the time she was dating zayn & little mix was breaking out into the spotlight, yeah i just really loved her
andrea russett → okay so remember o2l?? andrea russett was kian’s girlfriend for a pretty long time and they always did videos together and i always thought she was super pretty
lily collins → maybe i don’t like clary in tmi all that much but i sure liked the way lily collins looked
alona tal → MY BISEXUAL AWAKENING, it’s only when i saw alona tal in spn that i realized, fuck i might be gay
park jihyo → i discovered twice (my 2nd jype group after day6) through the like ooh-ahh mv and red-haired jihyo really did something to my heart (i just rewatched it and god zombie bang chan is so mf cute)
kim jisoo → when bp made their square two comeback i was immediately smitten for red-haired jisoo in playing with fire, it’s also when i realized she was my bias out of the four members
shin ryujin → the reason that i have blue hair is partially bc of ryujin and her amazing intro in wannabe :D
xuan lu → her portrayal of jiang yanli was SO ON POINT and she’s just such a kindhearted wonderful person wow i want her hand in marriage
lee yoobin → god i’ve known dreamcatcher from back when they were still called minx and ever since i’ve always looked at dami that bit more than the rest, i was also able to see dreamcatcher live in october of 2019 and the whole experience was just so amazing !!
FICTIONAL CHARACTERS
there’s a whole lot more than just these 10 but i wanted to fit the evolution into one (1) slide as best as i could lmao
peter pan → this movie came out in 2003 (?) and he’s honestly the first fictional character i remember ever having a crush on
legolas → i was really doubting between placing haldir or legolas here but i only really got a vague haldir obsession when i was like 14
zuko → LOOK. ZUKO IN ATLA? HOT. ZUKO IN LOK? HOT EVEN IF HE’S AN OLD MAN.
will turner → man was annoying sometimes but i really liked him and his relationship with elizabeth was cute
jo harvelle → gosh i can’t believe she’s the only female character in here???? yeah she was one of my two spn faves and i’ll never forgive the screenwriters for the way they killed her off
castiel → does your fave ever get sent to super hell for being gay? no? well. mine did
kili → fili and kili’s storyline tore my heart out, spit on it, and then laughed straight in my face, KILI WAS LITERALLY MY FAVORITE DWARF
howl → i only watched this movie for the first time in 2020 so i kinda fucked up the tl cause i watched cql in 2019 but shh, anyways howl with his blonde hair was good looking but howl with his black hair just hits differently. i want a howl
lan jingyi → MY BABY BOY, TINIE LITTLE BABIE WHOMST I MUST PROTECT ok no but seriously this kid. i love him a lot
mu qing → BARK BARK. that’s all (that’s not all i love him a whole lot and it hurts me to see so many people misunderstand his character and only see the bad parts of him when they can forgive others for fucking up (eg. xie lian himself & feng xin) but bc mu qing doesn’t deal well with emotions suddenly he’s the bad guy??? i s2g if ppl are gonna do to him what they did to jiang cheng in the tgcf la i will RIOT)
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"should i ask for song requests?" MA'AM- anyways Show Me Love by Mali Hood with Cal pls
LMAO, look, it’s just a thought. Also I love Mali, but Robin S’s version--a BOP. So I’m going to base it off that version.
It’s long, whoops.
CW: Mentions of gaining weight. So if you’re sensitive, feel free to skip this!
___________
It wasn’t in Calum’s plan to be out this late. He had planned to finish up the first season of Unsolved Mysteries on Netflix. He had planned to order himself a pizza, extra large so that he could have a few slices for lunch tomorrow too and possibly a White Claw, or two, or more. Who knows? He surely wasn’t going to count those calories.
However, when Calum and Ashton found themselves deep into the evening running over lyrics along with some other friends and somebody mentioning hitting up a bar nearby to get some food, Calum figured he could tag along. He’d avoid drinking until he got home but greasy bar food could be an easy substitute for pizza.
It’s as Calum dips the end of fries into the ranch given on the side a tap sounds of the speakers, cutting through the music that’s been playing in the background. “Hope everyone’s doing great tonight,” a voice states.
Calum looks over his shoulder to see a man up on a stage. “Karaoke’s opening up in fifteen minutes. Find me at the bar to sign up or feel free just to jump in.”
“Oh, we gotta stay for this,” Ashton laughs. The rest of the group readily agrees and Calum shrugs, polishing off the last half the fries before going in for another bite of his sandwich.
It’s not until the music cuts out again that Calum realizes the fifteen minutes as flown by. The first two people are a little wobbly, and giggling into the mic as they sing their choice in song. One goes for Journey which gets most of the room to sing along too. It hits a lull after about the fourth person. The DJ calls for people who didn’t sign up to just jump in.
There’s a thick silence and across the room, Calum catches a shriek. “We have one!”
He turns to the shrill and sees a pocket of girls at a booth. Three of them are tugging at a fourth that remains seated, shaking her head. However, her unwillingness is no match to her friends and they end up dragging her to the stage. Calum watches as she speaks for a moment to the DJ.
Her friends cheer front and center. Their claps somehow echo throughout the entire building. Under the light, Calum can see more of her features, high cheekbones, brown skin dazzling and peaking out from the fishnets covering her long legs. She chuckles nervously into the mic just as the music cuts in. The low sound, the husky voice makes Calum gasps.
He hadn’t seen her ages since they ended their fling. And she looked different--her cheeks were fuller. The weight gain made her look healthier than ever. She looked fucking good in the green plaid mini shirt and white high neck sleeves top. Her thighs shake just a little as she taps the beat out with her heel and soon, she belts out the opening note to Show Me Love vocalizing before the lyrics are pushed out from her chest.
What hadn’t changed as how at ease she seemed to be on the stage. Though she always protested it. The second someone put a mic in her hand and a spotlight on her, she turned into a whole new person. “I really need a lover, a lover that wants to be there,” she belts out and smiles before stepping down the stairs.
Through the crowd, she dances, singing along to the electronic beat holding steady. “You got to show me love,” her voice dips to match the note change and she points out to someone in the crowd, singing to them for a moment before twirling her way down the room. The crowd eats up, cheering along as she sings and taking moments to dance along with her.
“Words are so easy to say a lie, you got to show me love. I’m tired of getting caught up in the one night affairs,” she sings and gaze lands on Calum. Her eyes go wide. They hadn’t really run in the same circles for a while after Calum ended things.
And admittedly, he ended them for legitimate reasons. She was leaving for school abroad and said they could try to just be friends. But that wasn’t something he was looking for and rather than string her along knowing he’d ultimately be breaking her heart, he was honest. And she understood that. She thanked him for it.
It was harder than he thought it would be--watching her leave. He wanted to text her, reach out and see how things were going, if she had settled in nicely. And the urges lasted longer than Calum had never admitted to anyone, but they did eventually dissipate; it took him unfollowing her social media.
And come to think of it, he still noticed when she liked something of his--as few and far between as his postings were and he wasn’t even that active on his private account but whenever he was, she always wound up liking it. Every notification made his heart flutter just a little.
She moves on, still not missing a beat to the song, though she does brush a hand over Calum’s shoulder as she passes, sending a wink his way before she carries herself to the bar. Her heeled boots wind up clicking up and down the length of the bar counter. She dances with a few more people, women and men, smiling as she twirls about.
Returning back to the stage, the last note falling off from the speaker, she thanks the crowd and DJ and quickly steps back down the steps. The crowd gives her a standing ovation and she waves before returning back to her booth. Calum’s thankful he’s on the end and excuses himself for a second. No one seems bothered by his exit--Ashton’s the only one that could possibly recognize her and it’s not shock he doesn’t.
Calum walks over to the table and even though she’s smushed into the corner, on the side of the group, he knows he can’t leave this bar tonight with talking to her. He smiles as he approaches the table. “Evening, ladies.” Everyone is at lost for words but at least smile and nod at his approach. “I-I just wanted to say that that was a great performance. You’re extremely talented.”
“Thanks,” she returns, leaning out. “Would you believe it if I said I don’t do that sort of thing often.”
“Could’ve fooled me,” he laughs softy. He goes to ask her to talk, or if she needs a refill but the air’s tense, a little awkward. “But honestly, you were amazing.” He nods again at her and throws up a quick wave before continuing on like he’s headed to the bathrooms. That is not how he wanted that to go. But how does he act like the last they haven’t lost contact for nearly four years. Calum splashes some water onto his face, staring up into the mirror.
She remembered him, clearly. Maybe it was that defense mechanism, the part of him that was trying to tell him that it was too much time passed. She possibly had moved on from all of that. Yeah, she probably had moved on, Calum thinks to himself. If she had, there would be no use in trying to make a move, he’d get rejected anyway.
He grabs some paper towel and dries his face and hands before pushing open the door to the bathroom. He doesn’t get more than a four steps from the door before a voice calls out his name, “Calum. Hey, wait.” A hand grabs to his elbow.
He spins to find her, smiling a bit lopsided and lips still glossy as they always were all those years ago, with also a bit of a darker lip liner around the edges. “Sorry,” she rushes out, dropping her hand from his elbow. “I just-I just wanted to say thanks. For the compliment. And, uh, if you weren’t busy, if you wanted to catch up sometime. Over a drink, coffee, lunch, whatever.”
“I would love that,” he exhales in a rush.
“Cool. Here’s my number--I had to change it become of my ex, but that’s not what I want to focus on.” She hands out a napkin with numbers scribbled onto it. “Just text me and we can arrange a date and time.”
Calum takes it with a nod, reaching for his phone from inside his pants pocket. “I’ll text you so you have my number too.” He taps her number in before typing a quick message and pressing send.
“To be honest, I didn’t think you’d recognize me or like want to talk or anything.”
“What-what do you mean by that?”
“I mean, there might just be a pound or two more on me than the last time you saw me. And when I left, we kind of just ended things and I-I don’t know. We hadn’t spoken in a while. I just moved back into town about six months ago. Seeing you just made me feel like I did when I was 19.”
Calum can’t lie and say he never suspected that she had feelings for him. At that time, he wasn’t looking for anything. “Well, first, you still look fucking gorgeous so I wouldn’t worry at all about that. Things are different now. I’m looking for different things now.” She nods, casting a look to the floor. “It’s like the song said,” Calum continues, “I’m tired of giving my love and getting no where.”
“You probably think I’m crazy or something, all these years. But there’s always been something about you, Calum. Something I couldn’t shake.”
“Nah, it can’t be me. Do you know how many times when you first left I almost messaged you? And I know I kinda put a cork in things then. But if you think there’s something about me, allow me to introduce you to yourself.”
She laughs, playfully slapping at his bicep. “Oh god. Quit while you’re behind.”
Calum laughs in return, watching the way she shakes her head. “What are you doing tomorrow, around 1?”
“Um, nothing. Tomorrow’s my day off. Why?”
“Let’s get lunch. Anywhere you want to go.”
“There’s a new sushi place. Just up the block from here.” She rattles off the name and Calum nods. He went there last week to try it out. “There if you’re okay with it?”
“More than okay,” Calum agrees. “But uh, I don’t want to take you away from your friends too long. So I’ll see you there tomorrow, at 1.”
“Okay, yeah, yeah. Tomorrow at one.” She steps into him, almost as she’s going to bypass him but stops just before doing so fully. Her hand comes up to his cheek and she presses a kiss before finally stepping away. Calum exhales, lungs nearly collapsing in his chest. He forgot that about her--how she was open and actionable, always willing to make the first step even if blew up in her face.
He watches her, finally composed enough to turn around as she slips back into the booth with her friends. He hears her laughter above the sounds of Led Zeppelin, another person singing for the crowd.
#calum hood#calum hood blurb#calum hood imaigne#calum hood fluff#calum hood angst#calum hood x oc#calum hood 5sos#calum 5sos#5sos#5 seconds of summer#calum hood fanfic#5sos imagine#5sos blurb#h writes
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back again | calum
Requested: mmm kinda. send me more requests
Word Count: ~3,100. kinda long, but it’s good
Smut: No smut. Angst again. Sorry, i think i’m going through an angsty phase
Your finger hovered over the send button, your eyes scanning the message that you had typed out onto the screen.
I miss you.
You wanted nothing more than to send the message, but you didn’t. Instead, your thumb pressed down on the backspace key and you watched the letters disappear before locking your phone and letting it fall down onto the couch beside you. You took a deep breath as you covered your face, attempting to remain calm. You missed him, more than you cared to admit at this point but you couldn’t give in to him again, you had to take a stand.
“I’m tired of being the one to give and give and give, Cal. I’m so drained of being the one who is constantly giving myself away to get nothing in return. I can’t keep giving you my all only to get nothing back.” You muttered, and you crossed your arms over your chest as he looked up at you.
“Okay, what do you want from me?” He asked, and you wanted to roll your eyes. Instead you closed them and inhaled deeply. You looked back up at him, attempting to ignore the slight sting in your eyes.
“I want you to try harder for me Cal.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” He muttered.
“I just need you to talk to me, that’s it. I need you to ask me what’s going on in my life for once. Yesterday, I was struggling hard. All I wanted to do was talk to you, but you ignored me.”
“I haven’t wanted to talk to anyone. There’s a reason I didn’t respond,”
“Okay I get that, I do. But can’t you just say something then?”
“I’m supposed to respond to everything? Every single thing?” He answered, his lips pursed and you sighed as you pushed off of the wall and began to pace.
“No, that’s not what I meant. You can’t just say hey, I’ll talk to you in a little bit or hey, I’m not feeling like talking? Because then I sit there and stare at the messages and wonder what I did wrong. Am I being too annoying? Do you care about what I have to say? Do you care about me?”
“Of course I care,” He interrupted and you sighed as you stopped to look at him.
“Then I need you to show me. I am going through a lot right now and you don’t know any of it, do you? But I know every single thing that’s bothering you right now, explain how that’s fair?”
“You don’t know everything,” He snapped and you frowned as you looked away from him, and he took a deep breath, “But you’re right, it’s not fair. I mean, it’s not. But I just needed some time to think. I didn’t talk to anyone,”
“You’re telling me that you didn’t even talk to her?” You didn’t even have to name her, he knew who you were talking about. He rolled his eyes as he brought his hands up and began to crack his knuckles. It was one of his nervous habits, and you wanted to ask him why he was nervous right now but instead he spoke again.
“Yeah, I talked to her. Of course I’m going to talk to her, she’s my girlfriend. You’re not her, you’re not my girlfriend.”
“You’re right, I’m not. But I still know more than she does about your life. You’ve said so yourself. We talk more than you and her do. Let me guess, it was all surface level conversations too. Do you even tell her what’s going on in your life? Does she know half of the things that you tell me?” You snapped, and he scoffed as he shook his head.
“Shove off. No, she doesn’t. God, you know that.”
“Then why are you still with her?”
“Because I know that if I break up with her, I’m going to want to be with you. And as of now, I can’t risk losing the only person that I truly fucking care about. So yeah, sorry I didn’t respond to your texts.” He snapped, and you stood in stunned silence as you watched him grab his coat from the closet and walk out the door.
That conversation had been replaying in your head for the past week, and you still had no idea on how to react to it.
* * *
Calum knew that he should just talk to you, that he should just go into his favorites and click on your name at the top of the list and call you because you knew how to make everything better for him. But he was too stubborn.
Just like the way that he was too stubborn to break up with her. He didn’t want to be with her, he didn’t see a future with her and he didn’t love her.
It wasn’t fair to him, it wasn’t fair to her, but more importantly - it wasn’t fair to you.
With you, he wanted to be with you at all hours of the day but he didn’t know how to do that without getting attached. You were his best friend, you were the one that he called first when something good happened and you were the one that he leaned on when he couldn’t do it alone anymore. He realized this months ago, that’s why he’s been drawing away.
At least that’s the excuse he keeps telling himself over and over again.
“Did you call her yet?” Ashtons voice pulled him out of his daze and Calum shook his head as he looked up at him, “You need to Cal, you need to apologize to her. She’s not doing well right now and the fact that you’re adding on some bullshit into it isn’t good.”
“Is she okay?” Cal asked, and Ashton shrugged as he pulled out his phone and glanced through the texts between them.
“Yes and no. You dropped a damn bomb on her, you think that is just going to brush over okay?” He asked, and Calum shook his head as he pinched the bridge of his nose, “Call her Cal.”
“Why should I?” He mumbled, and Ashton gave him a pointed look as he sat on the opposing couch.
“Why shouldn’t you? She’s been our friend for years, she’s been there for you through everything. You’ve been nothing but a little bitch since you realized you had feelings for her, and she deserves better. If you’re going to keep acting like this, then you need to cut yourself out of her life.”
“So I just break up with my girl and immediately move on to her?”
“No, but you end the dead relationship now. You take time, you figure yourself out and then you go to her. But if you fuck this up, then I don’t know what to tell you. All I know is, you need her in your life just like she needs you in her life.”
“I don’t know how to do that,” Calum murmured and Ashton sighed as he looked down at his phone.
“You need to figure it out. I’m going over to her place in a minute to bring her some dinner and spend time with her. Cause that’s what she needs right now,” Ashton said and he pushed up off the couch.
“What’s going on with her?”
“Her grandpa is about to die, Cal, he’s not doing good. Honestly, you should know that. Dick.” Ashton muttered as he slipped his shoes on and grabbed his keys from the table beside the door.
Calum rubbed his face as it just hit him how badly he messed up. Your grandpa was one of your favorite people in your life, he basically raised you compared to your parents and Cal knew how much he meant to you.
His fingers hovered over the keyboard. He knew he should just call you, but he didn’t think that he could actually talk to you without breaking down.
I’m sorry…
His thumb pressed down hard on the backspace button as he took a deep breath.
I heard about your grandpa. I’m sorry that you’re going through that right now and I wish I could help more, but I don’t know how to do that right now.
He erased the words once again, closing his eyes as he tried to formulate his thoughts into words.
I heard about what’s going on. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. I’m trying to work on myself right now, but just know that I’m still here for you. Hopefully we can talk soon...
He pressed send, hoping that his words would make a difference to help you out but he knew that he should do more. He needed to do more.
* * *
“Ash, did you tell him?” You asked as soon as he opened the door, and Ashton shrugged his shoulders sheepishly as he walked into your place. He set the food down onto the counter in the kitchen, and you sighed as you leaned against it.
“He needed to know,” Ashton said and you shook your head as you looked at the text once again. You handed the phone to him, and he frowned as he read the screen and then looked up at you.
“I’m sorry, I am.” He murmured, and you sighed.
“It’s whatever Ash,”
“No, it’s not darling. You are valid in your feelings and I’m sorry that this is happening to you.” He sat down right next to you and put nearly all of his weight on you and you giggled.
“You deserve all the love,” He yelled, and you squirmed underneath him while he laughed.
“Get off,” You said, but you were laughing too hard to do anything about it. You were thankful for Ashton, he was one of your closest friends...besides Calum.
* * * *
The sound of a car pulling into the driveway pulled you out of your almost sleep, and you sat up to see who was here. You sighed as you saw Calum’s car, and made your way to the door. You opened it up and leaned against the doorframe, watching as he continued to sit in his car on his phone.
A minute passed before he finally looked up, and you crossed your arms over your chest as you watched him take the keys out of the ignition and get out of the car.
“Hey,” He called.
“Hey Cal,”
“I miss you,” He said, and you gave him a soft smile as you nodded back at him.
“I miss you too.” You said, and he walked up to you.
A moment of silence passed between the two of you, until he blurted, “I broke up with her.” You processed what he just said, and attempted to formulate a response but he continued talking, “I know that I shouldn’t have just blurted that at you. But I wanted you to know. And I want you to know that I’ve had a lot of time to think about the two of us…”
He trailed off, and you shifted your weight as you waited for him to talk again but it was clear that he wasn’t going to.
“So what does that mean for us?” You asked, and he shrugged slightly as he looked down at his feet, “I don’t think we should date Cal, at least not yet. I’m not going to be your quick rebound when you just broke up with her. So when did you break up with her?”
“When I realized I wanted to be with you instead. The night that Ashton went over to your house and I wasn’t there, it made me realize some things.”
“Three weeks went by and you didn’t tell me that? You didn’t think that I deserved to know that?” You said, and he nodded.
“Yeah...and no. You deserved to know, and I wanted to tell you this entire time. But I wanted to give you space and I wanted to give myself space. Mainly I wanted to be ready for you and be here for you fully.”
“Well, that’s great Cal. Truly. Thanks for just leaving me alone these last three weeks instead of talking to me.” You muttered.
“Wait, you’re mad? Really?”
“Yes, Calum I am. Ashton literally told you that my grandpa wasn’t doing well. I wanted to just have you there for me because you knew how much he meant to me and how important he was in my life.” You snapped. Your eyes started to well up with tears and you swallowed the lump in your throat.
“Was? Did he…Oh my god I’m so sorry,” He whispered.
“Yeah, that’s what happens when you remove yourself from someone's life. He passed away two weeks ago, I already went to the funeral.” You said.
“Everyone asked where you were.” The words that left your mouth was bitter, and you didn’t mean them too but they did and Calum immediately started apologizing again, “I don’t want to hear your apology right now Cal, mainly cause I’m tired of not having you to talk to. I’ve missed you so damn much. You are my best friend, I just needed you there for me.”
“I should have been there, throughout it all. I’m sorry that I didn’t even think of you throughout all of this. I thought he was still doing okay, I had no idea. I should have been there for you throughout everything, I’m so sorry.” He murmured. He pushed off from the porch and wrapped his arms around you, and for once you finally felt a little bit better.
You had truly missed him. Before there were feelings involved, he was your best friend above anything else. You loved him. You weren’t sure in what way yet but that didn’t matter. What mattered was that you were with him now, in his arms.
“Come on princess, let’s go inside.” He whispered.
You nodded as you wiped at your eyes, and he followed you inside and shut the door behind him.
“Can we just go lay in bed?” You asked. He nodded as he moved out of the way so you could go upstairs and you immediately went into your room and collapsed on the bed.
He laid down next to you, and you shifted so you were laying on his chest.
“This is what I’ve missed,” You whispered. Having him with you, being close with him again.
“Me too. I am sorry.” He muttered. His voice was sincere, and you peeked up to look at his face.
“I know you are Cal, really.” You said. He smiled as he kissed the top of your head and you fidgeted with the ring on your finger.
“Are you nervous or stressed? Because I can give you space,” He said.
You immediately shook your head.
“No, Cal, I’m not nervous about you and I don’t want space. I missed you too much and we’ve been through enough. I’m just stressed I guess, but it’s not about you.” You said. He frowned slightly but shifted out from underneath you and faced you.
“Do you want a massage? I know they helped when you’re stressed,” He asked. You nodded and shifted down and turned over so you were now laying on your stomach. Cal’s hands were large and rough and they always felt so good whenever he would give you a massage, especially on your back. His thumbs pressed in deeply in between your shoulder blades, and you let out a deep breath at the feeling of his hands moving alongside your back.
“Take your sweatshirt off,” He commanded. You hesitated when you thought about the fact that you were just wearing a lacy bralette underneath, but it didn’t matter anymore. You lifted up and removed the material, and smiled to yourself when you heard Calum clear his throat.
His hands started again up at your shoulders, pressing deeply into your back and you breathed out each time he hit a spot that held tension. He slowly moved his hands down, and his fingers were just brushing the band of your leggings that was so close to your butt.
“Go for it,” You whispered. You weren’t sure that he heard you at first, but he removed his hands all together and you frowned as you turned over, “What?”
At first he looked nervous, but he saw the look in your eyes.
“Are you sure about this?” He murmured, his pointer finger dragging along the line of your leggings and you inhaled deeply as you nodded, “Good. Let me take care of you then,”
“Shimmy out of those baby girl, let me give you a proper massage.” He sounded much more confident now, and you smiled softly as you followed his instructions and slid them down your legs. You turned back over, and giggled slightly as he let out a low whistle.
“You’ve been packing,” He muttered. You reached your arm out and smacked his thigh, and he shifted so he was now hovering over the back of your legs and reached to the low of your back and let his hands rest there.
He slowly massaged in deep circles again, this time venturing out even further than the last and you bit down on your lip to suppress a moan. His fingers slowly dragged down the curve of your ass, before he grabbed a handful and he started giggling.
“Sorry, it still just feels a bit weird…” He trailed off, and you turned over so you could see him properly.
“My ass? Thanks Cal,” You snorted. His eyes immediately widened and he shook his head as he brought his thumb to your chin, until he saw that you were kidding and he rolled his eyes.
“Not fair,” He mumbled.
“What’s not fair is that I am here in just a bra and my underwear, and you are still fully wearing clothing. Take them off stud,” You whispered. He smiled at your confidence, and listened to your instructions. He took his long sleeve off first, and then pushed his sweatpants down and moved to the head of the bed and the two of you climbed under the blanket to just lay there, together.
“You’ve been packing,” You whispered and he chuckled as he wrapped an arm around you.
“It’s you, it’s always been you.”
“Then why didn’t you say that before? Why did we have to go through all of this just for us to end up here?” He smiled for a moment but when he saw your seriousness, he straightened up.
“I didn’t want to ruin us. I didn’t want us to try and date only for us to realize that we’re better as friends. I wasn’t sure what I wanted at that moment but I’ve figured out what I want and I know now that it’s you that I want by my side.”
#calum hood#cth#calum#5sos#5 seconds of summer#5sos calum#calum au#calum angst#calum fluff#calum smut#calum 5sos#calum Thomas hood#cal#5sos smut#5sos angst#5sos au#5sos writing#5sos imagines#calum imagines
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