#ashton writes fic
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A Jianghu Mystery of the Middle Xi: The Tomb of Li Xiangyi
By Qiling, University of □□ (2024)
Left: A photograph of the inscribed text at Li Xiangyi's tomb, reading, "The grave of the Sigu Sect's departed Sect Leader, Li Xiangyi". Right: Artist's sketch renditions from eye-level frontal and aerial side views, recreating how the tomb may have appeared during the Xi dynasty.
Among the numerous important archaeological finds from the Xi Dynasty, the tomb of Li Xiangyi is not the most well-known, nor has it yielded any artifacts of particular intrigue, yet it has raised questions about certain points in history since its discovery. The tomb constitutes a small site, near a mountainous overlook which should have received little common traffic at the time of construction. Its structure is in line with some other aristocratic burials of the Middle Xi period: aboveground, with a chamber at the center of a raised rectangular dais several meters wide, large enough to bear only a single individual. A stone marker, which has survived in legible condition until today, declares it the tomb of Li Xiangyi, leader of the Sigu jianghu sect.
Records about Li Xiangyi are found at other archaeological sites contemporary with this tomb, and so his name is not an obscure one. The Sigu Sect complex has already undergone excavation for nearly two decades, with evidence that Li Xiangyi spent several years there as its first sect leader and founder. His tomb is within two hours' walking distance of the Sigu site, though isolated in its location, compared to the Sigu Sect's grand mountain entrance. (The complex itself was inhabited well after his death; bamboo slips cite Qiao Wanmian as the Sigu Sect's next major leader some years after, who oversaw it for several more decades into the later Xi). In addition, the Baichuan-Pudu site, closer to the eastern coast and historically the headquarters for the Baichuan Court, is affiliated with Li Xiangyi. Its origins apparently began as an offshoot of the Sigu Sect, which grew into its own independent legal organization after his death.
Legends surrounding Li Xiangyi's life have been well-documented, both at Sigu and Baichuan-Pudu, but also in books and transcriptions of oral stories at sites around the country. These are dated to both the Middle and Late Xi periods, as well as a few scattered mentions in writings from the following dynasty. As a jianghu sect leader and swordsman, Li Xiangyi's reputation truly preceded him. Some tales speak of his early accomplishments, ridding towns of villainous tyrants and defeating criminals. Others talk about the founding of the Sigu Sect when Li Xiangyi was seventeen, and his subsequent missions leading his fellow swordsmen to protect the borders of the country. Not all of these narratives can be verified with surviving historical proof, and given Li Xiangyi's status in the shifting canon of folklore, the percentage that are hyperbole or fiction is likely significant. However, one that is true, and is the most frequently told story throughout these sources, is that of Li Xiangyi's death.
All texts place Li Xiangyi as having died relatively young, with some providing a specified age, generally around twenty. He perished in a duel with Di Feisheng, leader of the Jinyuan Alliance, a rival jianghu organization and presumed threat to the Sigu Sect. As the sources say, the Jinyuan Alliance killed Li Xiangyi's sect brother, Shan Gudao, and in retaliation he used the Sigu Sect to launch a war against the Jinyuan Alliance. His final battle was the last in this war, dying in the East Sea on Di Feisheng's ship. The Jinyuan Alliance in return was badly defeated by the Sigu Sect; excavations at its first compound in the last five years have shown evidence of siege, with fire having destroyed large parts of the buildings. Afterward, the Sigu Sect disbanded without Li Xiangyi, with only the Baichuan Court continuing to function, before being resurrected one decade later.
Given this knowledge we have about Li Xiangyi, the matter of his burial should be straightforward. He had a tremendous impact on the jianghu in the few short years that he stood at its peak. He died heroically, if tragically, to obtain justice for a brother. He was honoured with a tomb, standing guard over the sect he dedicated his youth to. Why, then, is said tomb regarded as somewhat of a mystery?
This tomb was first stumbled upon during extended surveys of the Sigu site territory, with excavation taking place within the last two years. Parts of the stone chamber and foundation of the dais have withstood time, as have most things left inside. The tomb bears no signs of looting. However, there are some details which, alongside discoveries from other archaeological sites, contribute to a shadow of uncertainty on the existing narrative of Li Xiangyi's life.
Firstly, is that the austerity of the tomb does not line up with what we know of Li Xiangyi. Although overall sufficient enough for someone of his great reputation, the tomb is rather plainly embellished. There are an unexpectedly small number of burial objects inside, with those present being neither rare nor expensive. For all his contributions to the jianghu, less money and resources were poured into remembrance of Li Xiangyi than seems proper for his time.
Secondly, and far more significantly, is that the tomb holds no human remains. Whether the fact of Li Xiangyi having no recovered body to bury was made public is unknown; if it was, we do not have record of it. Certainly those who arranged for the tomb to be built and sealed would have carried this with them the rest of their lives, but no one else may be accounted for. Granted, it is not impossible for a disappeared body to have been common knowledge or presumption, as Li Xiangyi was killed at sea with no guarantee of being found. Yet this, combined with the ordinary appearance of the tomb, causes the entire site to appear... a nominal thing. Constructed to maintain acknowledgement of Li Xiangyi's absence, though his death was only marked by words, rather than a physical state.
He was given a tomb, but was Li Xiangyi truly dead before it was built?
In terms of the aforementioned other archaeological site findings, there is one that potentially implicates Li Xiangyi's death at an interesting political junction, within the context of the dynasty. The Xi Dynasty was unstable and relatively short-lived, established after taking back the Central Plains and adjacent territories from the southern conquering state of Nanyin. It endured for just under two centuries, the first of which was fraught with pockets of conflict, with many jianghu skirmishes such as that between the Sigu Sect and the Jinyuan Alliance. The greatest threat to the Xi Dynasty (until its fall) came one hundred years after its founding. Recovered archival records from the Xi capital excavation report that remaining Nanyin loyalists attempted a coup, supported by jianghu organizations, including a restored Jinyuan Alliance (although whether Di Feisheng was still its leader at this time is unclear). This attack was ultimately unsuccessful, but important to note is that the leader of this renewed Nanyin force is described as being Shan Gudao, Li Xiangyi's former sect brother.
Although Li Xiangyi brought the Sigu Sect into a war upon news of Shan Gudao's death, that demise seems to have been faked, with Shan Gudao disappearing underground only to reappear as part of a later rebellion. Could Li Xiangyi have been aware of this? Was his reaction to Shan Gudao's apparent death genuine? Or part of a coordinated plan, using him as a reason to destroy the Jinyuan Alliance to eradicate any future resistance? Did Li Xiangyi, too, fake his death alongside Shan Gudao, in service of a shared cause? Were remnants of the Sigu Sect instructed to build an empty tomb, cementing Li Xiangyi as a dead hero so he could work in the shadows of the jianghu instead?
This is merely speculation, contradicted by the fact that if Li Xiangyi had indeed done as such, unlike Shan Gudao, after his duel with Di Feisheng he has no reappearance in any surviving records or at any archaeological site. As well, Li Xiangyi should have had no motivation for committing to such a scheme, with even loyalty to Shan Gudao a stretch to putting all the lives of the Sigu Sect on the line. That being said, history has a way of surprising the present, and this theory may not be entirely ruled out. At any rate, Shan Gudao's survival is a baffling accompaniment to Li Xiangyi's (lack of a) burial, one which will hopefully receive clarifying answers in future archaeological developments.
Perhaps the strangest piece of the puzzle concerning the end of Li Xiangyi's life, however, is Di Feisheng. After the Jinyuan Alliance was scattered by the Sigu Sect, stories regarding Li Xiangyi declared him dead and disappeared. Yet not unlike Shan Gudao, he became known in the jianghu once more about ten years later, witnessing the Nanyin attempted coup and living long after. His tomb remained intact, and was excavated eight years ago as part of the greater Tianji Mountain site project. The location of Di Feisheng's tomb is surprising, not only because it directly links him to the powerful and wealthy He clan of Tianji Manor, but also because he was buried beside their sole young master during the Xi Dynasty, Fang Duobing.
The son of financial minister Fang Zeshi and engineering master He Xiaohui, Fang Duobing became a notable youxia travelling the jianghu in the emperor's name, assigned in the wake of the attempted Nanyin coup. According to palace records, he was also betrothed to the Princess Zhaoling, although the marriage agreement was eventually formally dissolved. What is otherwise known of Fang Duobing was his admiration of Li Xiangyi, having styled himself as a follower and disciple of him during his youth. As well, one eye-catching artifact among Fang Duobing's burial goods was a preserved wooden replica of a blade, with Li Xiangyi's name carved near the hilt. Likely a children's toy, prized and kept safe throughout Fang Duobing's life.
The exact nature of the relationship between Di Feisheng and Fang Duobing is not entirely certain, but it must have been a very close one, for Di Feisheng to have the privilege of burial on the Tianji estate. This topic justifies future study for our understanding of the Tianji He clan, already known in prior generations for its socially subversive relationships, but pertinent to Li Xiangyi is that the man whose most infamous act was to kill him, was laid to rest next to one who revered him. Why was there such a bond between these two figures, if the stories of Li Xiangyi's death have had any truth to them? Did Li Xiangyi really die by Di Feisheng's blade? Did Li Xiangyi's empty tomb, plausibly signifying Di Feisheng's innocence, alter his relationship with Fang Duobing? Or indeed, did Li Xiangyi, the man himself, have a part to play in this?
No traces of him from this time remain in the archaeological record, true. But this should not be taken to mean without doubt that he was not alive then at all.
The discovery of Li Xiangyi's tomb has been an exciting development for studying this era of the Xi Dynasty, but it has also outlined doubt in areas of one man's life that were previously taken as likely facts. Li Xiangyi's tomb is scarcely fitting for his name as a founding sect leader, built more for the sake of its existence than anything else, and there was no body sealed inside to begin with. In addition, Shan Gudao— someone dear to Li Xiangyi— established a precedent of faking his death. Di Feisheng, known across the jianghu for killing the man, held a close bond with someone later in life who had personally looked up to Li Xiangyi, and so he may not have been fully responsible for Li Xiangyi's death to begin with.
What truly happened to Li Xiangyi, resulting in a tomb such as this? The past holds the answer, knowing things that we do not. Hopefully the future of archaeology will continue leading to new discoveries, and allow us to more completely understand the legend that was Li Xiangyi.
#this is probably a better archaeological research paper than the one i wrote on sanxingdui a few days ago#anyways hi yes. i just impulse wrote a fake archaeological paper for fun. enrichment. whatever#also i tried not to sound too pop culture archaeology in this#to any other anthropology or archaeology majors. if it comes off that way i am sorry </3 it's past 4am rn#mysterious lotus casebook#li xiangyi#di feisheng#fang duobing#ashton writes fic#difang#<- to any difang shippers just sit with me for a bit and think about these two being buried together
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Shattered Infinity
#when i see this i imagine that it's ashton's duna-brain sparking for the first time (honestly might write a fic for it too)#critical role#critical role fanart#cr fanart#cr3#bells hells#ashton greymoore#i've been struggling to figure out how to draw ashton for ages with their fucking stone skin#but i think i've figured it out
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I absolutely need to see Ludinus Da’leth’s reaction to Ashton Greymoore.
This wizard, who led research on alchemical Dunamancy and used Yeza to distill a potion that has one somewhat mild effect. Ludinus also, presumably, has helped Thull achieve some artificial Echo-knight abilities.
He is deeply interested in exploring and exploiting Dunamancy, but clearly it hasn’t been easy or straightforward to do so.
And eventually he’s going to meet a barbarian with a hole in their head who is instinctually using rage-fueled Dunamancy.
And someday Ludinus may learn that Ashton gained these powers when someone poured Dunamancy juice into his dead body through a hole in their skull.
And I just really want to see that moment.
#critical role#ashton greymoore#campaign 3#ludinus da'leth#there’s a fic that lives in my brain#that’s too ooc from the tone of cr for me to write#where da’leth gets ahlod of ashton and runs magic experiments on them#because why wouldn’t he#then we finally get the st martin stuff w ashton i’ve wanted from the start
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matching chokers
#i feel so genuinely fucking insane about this actually#LIKE WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY'RE MATCHING WHAT. DO. YOU. MEAN.#something something soulmate bullshit#so conducive actually for the fic i'm writing rn#that choker around luke's neck.............................could be something else#iykyk#anyways will be thinking about this for the next calendar year actually#5sos#ashton irwin#luke hemmings#lashton
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Ashton wonders what it would be like to kiss Orym right up until the moment they do it. They know from past partners it's kinda weird, and a little uncomfortable because their lips don't quite give like they're supposed to. They scrape their lower lip with their own teeth and shudder at the sensation. Think about how soft and pillowy Dorian's lips must be in comparison and sets it aside.
They always hurt, but when Orym puts his hands on them sometimes, that ache turns almost sweet. Ashton can tell the difference between pain and want, and Orym's small hands break through the noise enough that Ashton's started to dream about it. They should put a stop to it, probably, because Orym has no clue the kind of feelings he's causing. Probably better to just say it hurts too much and walk away, but then Orym's face would do that thing where he gets all disappointed and that's a completely different kind of hurt. So they let him . . . They never ask for it, but Orym always seems to know what they need.
Ashton is thinking about kissing Orym but it's the wrong time, the kind of desperate irrational desire that surges through their impulse control when they panic. Orym's conscious but covered in blood--his own, someone else's, it's probably too much for one halfling, right?--and Ashton's hands shake around the cork on the potion bottle. What the fuck are they even doing here, why did they get involved in this mess, they're on the wrong fucking continent and Orym's going to die--
"Hey," Orym manages, feverish green eyes staring unfocused at Ashton. "Breathe. I'm okay."
Ashton's going to burst into tears so instead they muffle a sob against Orym's bruised lips. Orym freezes for a moment, but then goes soft and pliant under Ashton. This touch . . . Their body sings. It's a good touch.
Orym gently breaks away but doesn't go far. He leans his forehead gently against Ashton's and cups their cheek.
"Let's talk after, okay?" Orym says. Ashton can taste the healing potion on their own lips and nods.
"That's a fucking promise, yeah?"
Orym brushes another faint kiss across their lips. "Promise."
#critical role#bells hells#ashton greymoore#orym of the air ashari#ashrym#cr fanfic#milo writes#have a first kiss fic bc I'm thinking about them
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Ashton really went from lesbian farmer to Goat Dad™️
#5sos#calum hood#luke hemmings#michael clifford#ashton irwin#5 seconds of summer#5sos smut#5sos fic#fanfic#5sos fanfic#5sos imagine#imagine#5sos writing#imagines#fic#my writing#tag game#5sos imagines#calum imagine#calum fic
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They get to Whitestone safely, which seems uncharacteristic of them, but Ashton’s not going to look a gift horse in the mouth. Especially because his still-cooling skin is tightening in that painful way that tells you that you’ve fucked something up and stood in the sun too long.
Laudna loaned him one of her spare blouses, and they’re back to their old pants and boots for now. They wrap their (thankfully preserved) trench coat around their torso and lean back, closing their eyes.
Gods, what the fuck is happening?
His thoughts are interrupted before they can get sent into a neverending, fractalling spiral of terror by the familiar sound of padding feet approaching his location. He cracks one eye open (his bad eye, but it doesn’t matter; even blind he’d recognize him) and grins.
“What’s up, Ory—“
Before they can finish, Orym’s lips are on theirs. They nearly jerk back out of sheer surprise before quickly returning the gesture. Orym pulls back after a moment.
“Damn, okay,” Ashton says, slightly breathless and still hot from the fucking lava pit. “I gotta get my clothes melted off more often, I guess.”
Orym blushes at the comment. “I mean, I’m not complain—no, I mean. Yes, I’m complaining.”
Ashton cocks an eyebrow.
“Watching you fly out of a pit of lava naked and glowing was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen in my life,” Orym states matter-of-factly, “and if you ever do anything like it ever again, especially if you drag Fearne along again, not even the titans themselves in all their glory would be able to stop me from resurrecting you just so I could remove your stupid head from your stupid shoulders myself. Do I make myself clear?”
Ashton feels their cheeks grow even warmer. “As fuckin’ crystal. Message received.”
“Good. Now, kiss me again, you absolute fucking moron.”
#cr#cr3#cr spoilers#ashton greymoore#orym#crshipping#ashrym#roll performance#roll history#this is the first cr ship fic i’ve ever written technically LOL#last episode was just too powerful#i got home and my brain went you GOTTA write something gay you little freak#i just think they need to have a Talk and if that involves making out who am i to say
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inner demons
a/n: i’ve written this over the span of a few weeks bc my mental health has been down the drain recently and i needed an outlet. i wasn’t sure about uploading this, but here it is anyway
also used these pictures of ashton bc that’s how i imagine he’d look when listening to you rant about how you’re feeling
pairing: ashton x reader
summary: your mental health has been getting worse again and ashton is there to try and help you through it
warnings: depression, self harm, reference to suicide - and please, if you find any of these triggering, don’t read this fic
word count: 3k
✩ ✩ ✩
winter was one of the worst times of year for you. specifically, for your mental health. the dreary, rainy and cloudy weather, days becoming dark hours earlier than in the summer was always hard on you.
your mental health was bad already. you’d been suffering with depression for quite a long time now. it first started at school when you couldn’t deal with exams along with certain horrible people in your classes, that seemed to linger for a few years after you graduated.
just when you thought things were getting better, the pandemic hit, causing you to relapse and become worse than before. you didn’t know how to deal with all of the terrible thoughts that were constantly going around your head, including thoughts telling you to hurt yourself.
and you did, you turned to that to help you cope with feeling so exhausted. in the end, it didn’t really help. but you had nothing else to help you.
until you met ashton irwin. your now boyfriend.
you’d never met anyone as caring as him. he always listened to anything you had to say, he was there for you when you needed to rant; most of all, he didn’t leave after you told him about your struggles.
in fact, he empathised with you. telling you about his struggles and ways he tried to get through them. he promised then and there that he would always be there to support you and would never judge you for any of your thoughts or emotions.
you always appreciated ashton, but you found it hard to tell him when you were beginning to struggle more again. you felt pathetic not being able to cope on your own, you felt like a burden in his life every time you had to involve him in your problems.
this was one of those times.
it had been a long day, or at least it felt like it had been. it was raining all day, something you hated. you hadn’t been able to get out of bed, you hadn’t eaten, only had a drink of water which ashton brought to you before he left the house earlier in the day.
you’d been sitting in the bathroom for the past hour with the door locked. you’d told ashton you were going to have a shower, but, you never got that far. ashton would’ve noticed that the noise of the shower never started, but he’s always been respectful to leave you to whatever you need to do.
it was different this time though. it was too quiet. he was sat in the living room, planning on cooking you both a nice dinner. however, you’d been acting different today. you’d been quiet, not as cheerful as usual when he arrived home from being elsewhere.
you were sat on the closed toilet, leaning against the counter as tears fell down your face. deciding if you were going to do what your mind had been telling you to do. you didn’t want to hurt yourself again, but what choice did you have? nothing else helped. it was practically staring you in the face from where you’d placed the sharp object on the counter.
you looked down at your arms, marks from a couple of weeks ago that were starting to heal properly. marks you hadn’t told ashton about. ashton knew you struggled more at this time of year; he’d been busy recently with work, he hadn’t had time to notice things going even more downhill.
while you were contemplating your choices, ashton had been making his way upstairs. he decided that maybe you needed some company with showering. you told him previously that you find it comforting showering together, so that’s what he’d do.
he entered the bedroom, still hearing no movement. he tried to go into the bathroom, met with the door not budging. just the handle twisting. he couldn’t open the door. you’d locked it.
“sweetheart?” he called out, sudden worry washing over him. “you okay in there?”
you’d jumped at the sound of him trying to open the door, you don’t usually lock it, but it was necessary this time. you didn’t answer him, trying to muffle your cries.
“baby? please answer me,” you could hear the frustration and fear in his tone. “i’m here for you, i’m not going anywhere.”
“i’m fine, ash,” you sniffled. “just leave me alone.”
it came out harsher than you meant it to. your emotions playing a part. you never ask him to leave you alone. that only happened when you were in this kind of situation.
“i’m not leaving,” ashton replied. “talk to me, please, i’m here, whatever you need.”
you let out an accidental loud cry, placing your head in your hands as you couldn’t hold back your cries any longer. you were in so much pain it was hard to handle.
ashton’s heart broke hearing the way you were crying. why hadn’t he noticed you weren’t as happy as normal, why hadn’t he noticed your depression taking a toll again. he should’ve noticed.
“can you open the door, baby?” he asked, trying his luck before he’d have to figure something else out.
“no,” you said with a gasp, your crying almost uncontrollable as you moved to pick the object up from the counter.
your shaky hands weren’t helping, causing you to drop it, making a clanging noise as it hit the floor. you knew ashton would’ve heard it, he would’ve put two and two together. you couldn’t pick it up, crying even harder.
ashton was going through his nightstand already, trying to find the outside key for the bathroom door. he was panicking by now, frantically trying to find it, worried when he didn’t come upon it instantly. until, a light caught his eye on the dresser.
the light reflecting on the key, he quickly picked it up, going back to the bathroom door. he slid the key into the lock, twisting it two times until he heard it click.
he pushed it open, causing you to quickly try and turn away, rushing to pull the sleeves of your hoodie down before he could see anything. you wiped your eyes on your sleeves instead, only glancing over to him for a second.
ashton looked to you first, he couldn’t miss the way you pulled at your sleeves, he looked to the ground, seeing the razor there, but it was clean which gave him slight relief.
he moved it out of the way, walking to you slowly, crouching down beside you. he placed one hand on your knee, caressing his thumb back and fourth, the other on your waist.
“i’m here, baby, i’m here now,” he tried to reassure. “what do you need?”
you shook your head, you couldn’t even look at him. you felt pathetic, like a disgrace. you couldn’t look your own boyfriend in the eye because you were embarrassed about how badly you were handling things.
ashton saw the expression on your face, it was too familiar. the same a couple of years ago, when you were struggling, when you had been harming yourself. he knew what was going on now.
“it’s okay if you’re not doing okay, love,” he said, cupping your cheek in one of his hands, wiping away your tears.
“i’m fine,” you bluntly responded. “i’m always fine, everything is always just fine.”
your hurt started turning into slight anger. angry with yourself, angry with the way you kept going around in circles with your mental health. you got a little better, and then things always became worse. it’s the same thing over and over and over.
“baby—“
“just leave me alone,” you folded your arms, pushing his hands away from you. not thinking straight with the other thoughts clouding your mind.
“i don’t want you to be alone,” ashton softly replied, trying to keep calm in this situation. “you don’t have to go through this alone.”
“i’m handling it,” you tried to get a subtle look behind ashton, trying to find where the razor was. if you could just get him to leave—
“angel,” he got your attention. knowing that nickname would stop you from whatever else you’re thinking about. “you know it’s okay if you aren’t doing good, this isn’t something that will instantly go away, there are ups and downs and that’s okay. wherever you’re at now, i’m here to help you through it.”
you cried harder at that. everything was hurting. you were exhausted with life. you didn’t want to keep living like this.
“i’m sorry,” you cried, holding your hands over your face. “i’m so sorry.”
“hey, hey, it’s okay, why are you sorry?” ashton asked, standing himself up as he took your hands in his.
“i— i did it again,” you blubbered. taking a breath to try and control your crying. ashton didn’t know what you were talking about. “i know i said i’d talk to you if i felt that bad again, but i just— i couldn’t bring myself to tell you.”
then it clicked. he knew what you meant. locking yourself in the bathroom, the razor you’d dropped on the floor. you’d been self harming again.
“you don’t have to apologise for that, baby,” he sighed. “it’s not something easy to talk about, please don’t feel like you need to say sorry to me.”
you were quiet after he said that. trying not to keep crying the way you were while also trying to figure out what to say next. his hands were still in yours, not planning on letting go any time soon.
“i thought things were getting better,” you complained honestly. “i was happy travelling with you the last two months, and as soon as we got home everything started crashing down on me.”
“being on tour was a big distraction for you, a new city every night, seeing places you’ve never been before, you didn’t have time to think about anything else,” ashton reminded. “now we’re home, there’s days where we have nothing going on, it gives your mind time to overthink and for those bad thoughts to come back.”
you didn’t say anything after that, ashton could tell it wasn’t helping with you sitting in the bathroom, the razor behind him on the floor. he pulled at your hands softly, urging you to stand with him. thankfully you did, walking with him as he lead you through to the bedroom. he took you over to the bed, only letting go of your hands so he could sit back against the headboard.
“come here, love,” he held one arm out, waiting for you to get comfortable.
you sat down, shuffling over to him. your head resting against his shoulder, his arm around you to keep you close. he pressed a delicate kiss to your cheek, causing you to look up at him.
“i don’t know what to do,” you suddenly spoke. ashton allowing you to get your thoughts out. “this feels never ending, it feels like there’s no way out apart from—“
“baby,” he cut you off before you could finish your sentence. he knew what you were going to say, but he didn’t want to hear it come out of your mouth. “i know it’s hard, and i hate that you’re feeling like this again. you deserve so much happiness and i wish there was more i could do to take your pain away.”
“it hurts, ash,” you started to cry again, tears dropping down your cheeks continuously. “everything hurts so bad.”
he pulled you tighter against his chest, one hand on the back of your head, slowly running through your hair. he pressed soft kisses to your forehead every few moments, trying to let you know how much he loved you and that he was right there with you through this.
as your crying started to calm down, ashton took one of your hands in his, stretching out your arm slightly. you looked up at him, wondering what he was doing.
“can i see?” he asked.
you weren’t sure at first, but eventually nodded your head. he gently pulled up your sleeve, each mark, scar and any new cuts revealing themselves to him. you sighed seeing the upset look on his face.
“they’re horrible,” you sniffled. tugging your arm away from him. “i’m sorry.”
“they aren’t horrible, baby,” ashton held your hand. he ran his thumb over a couple of old scars, then he lifted your arm up, pressing kisses along the length of it. “they show strength. it shows you’ve been strong enough to fight to stay in this world.”
you didn’t know how he could see it like that. in your own head, it showed how weak you were, how bad you were at coping with life.
“you’re the strongest person i know,” ashton continued, pulling your sleeve back down as he kept your hand in his. “it takes strength to admit you aren’t doing good, so i’m proud of you for telling me.”
“i don’t know what to do, ash,” you slouched further into his grip, cheek pressed against his chest. “nothing’s getting better, i don’t know what to do to get better. this cycle is becoming too much to deal with.”
ashton could’ve cried hearing you say that. knowing the person he loved is feeling so defeated broke his heart. he would do anything it takes to make you feel better, to try and help you.
“i’m here for you, baby,” he stroked his hand softly through your hair. “anything you need me to do, just say the word, i promise i will always be here for you.”
“i don’t know what else will help,” you sniffled. “therapy didn’t work, the meds made me feel worse, there’s nothing else. i have nothing else.”
“you have me,” ashton cupped your cheek in his hand, lifting your head to look at him. “if you want me to listen, if you need advice, if you want me to distract you, or if you just want me to hold you while you cry, i'll be here. no matter what.”
he leaned down, kissing your forehead before pecking your lips a few times in a row. finally getting a small smile out of you. if he could see your smile every day, his life would be complete. that’s all he wanted. for you to be happy.
“i’m sorry for being like this again,” you sighed. not holding eye contact. “i don’t know how you put up with me.”
“i’m not putting up with this,” ashton shook his head. “i care about you, more than anything, i’ll do whatever it takes to make this a little easier for you to get through, because you can get through it.”
you shuffle down, your head resting on his stomach as you close your eyes. tired out from the chaos of your own mind.
“we could take a few trips,” ashton suggested. “you love travelling. i know you still have that list of places you want to visit.”
“i do, but…” you paused, opening your eyes as you squeezed ashton’s hand in yours. “what happens when we come home? i’ll just be like this again.”
“we’ll try and find other things for you to enjoy,” ashton was determined to stay positive in this situation. “you love to draw, you love to create art, and i’ve seen the way you watch me play the drums and guitar. i could teach you, give you something else to put your mind to.”
you thought for a moment, wiping your sleeves over your eyes one last time. you couldn’t believe ashton still wanted to bother with trying after how difficult and negative you always were in this situation.
“okay,” you mumbled. ashton was surprised to hear that you’ll do this. “i don’t know if it’ll help, but i’ll try.”
“that’s a start,” ashton smiled. “the best thing you can do is try. even if it takes time.”
you nodded. finally looking up at him. you shuffled yourself upwards, capturing his lips in a unexpected but loving kiss. placing your hand on his cheek softly as you pull away.
“how would you feel about getting a guitar?” he asked, hands on your waist pulling you to straddle him. “i know how much you love painting, we could buy some paint for it so you can make it your own.”
“i could paint little flowers on it,” you excitedly suggested. “and maybe some butterflies too, that would look pretty.”
ashton nodded in agreement, just happy that you were willing to do this to see if it’ll help having your mind preoccupied with something like learning how to play an instrument. he hoped this would help, hating seeing you hurting like this.
“well, the band has no plans on making new music just yet,” ashton tucked your hair behind your ears. “we could take a trip soon… italy maybe?”
“really? you want go to italy before going back to australia?” you asked, one of your bucket list places, knowing how much he wanted to head back to australia after tour ended.
“australia can wait, i want to make sure you’re okay first.”
you let out a long breath, leaning towards him to wrap your arms around his neck, his arms around your back as he hugged you as close to him as he could get you. he kissed your cheek, making sure you knew he would always be there for moments like this.
“i love you,” he said quietly. “remember i’ll always be here, for anything you need. you don’t have to go through this alone.”
“i don’t know what i’d do without you,” you held him tighter. “i love you, ash.”
a few more tears threatened to leave your eyes as you hugged. you truly didn’t think you’d be here anymore if ashton hadn’t come into your life when he did. and now he can be your anchor that grounds you and gives you a reason to try and live this life, no matter how tough it might be.
✩ ✩ ✩
taglist: @hexsdexs @conspiracy-ash @oliviah-25 @superbloomrry | if you would like to join my taglist, please comment here or see this post
#5sos#5 seconds of summer#ashton irwin#ashton irwin fic#ashton irwin imagine#ashton irwin x reader#ashton irwin fanfic#ashton irwin imagines#5sos fic#5sos imagine#5sos imagines#ashton irwin fluff#5sos fanfic#5sos x reader#loz writes
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"You have both of our lives in your hands!"
Fandom: Life Series/Double Life SMP
Alternate Universe: None (Canon Divergence)
Ship(s): Slight mention of Grian x GoodTimesWithScar
Character(s): Grian, GoodTimesWithScar
Warning(s): None
Originally Published: February 4th, 2024
Word Count: 1,601
Author's Notes:
seasons skirmish gift for dusty_daffodil on AO3
first time writing... anything for mcyt, let alone the desert duo. but i certainly tried! :D
if you liked what you read, consider giving this a reblog, please! it'll let more people see my work!
[plain text: if you liked what you read, consider giving this a reblog, please! it'll let more people see my work!]
Full Story:
The sound of a pickaxe whacking against stone was the only sound that carried through the tunnel Grian had started to make for himself. Nearly a month in and neither him nor Scar had any sort of diamond equipment, not even a measly hoe or shovel. And with how wreckless Scar was being, Grian was fed up with using only iron armor as protection. He had such a huge chance to not end up with one of the few people here who had no regard for their safety. How did he manage to luck out as badly as he did? Well, what’s done is done now. All he needed to focus on was making sure they didn’t lose their first life already.
“Damn it, where are the diamonds??” Grian huffed, resting his pickaxe on his shoulder as he looked back up at the makeshift stone stairs that was his mineshaft. He couldn’t see the outside with how deep he had gone. “I’m almost out of torches, too. I’m surprised I haven’t found much coal down here, either..” He looked back at the stone in front of him, gently fiddling at the red, yellow, and blue feathered wings where ears should have been. A forcive habit for whenever he was thinking. “I should probably get back to the sur- Gah-!”
The avian dropped down on one knee as he clutched his chest, using his pickaxe to prop himself up. A sharp, burning pain shot from his heart and spread around his chest. He was far too familiar with this pain by now, even if it was usually slightly dimmed down. The phantom pain of his soulbound partner taking damage. And judging by how impactful it was this time…
Grian tapped the glowing green heart on his chest, revealing his health and hunger bars. And he was suddenly down four hearts. Okay, maybe Scar just fell while dealing with his cats, nothing to- “Shit-!” Another wave of pain, another three hearts lost. What was his partner doing up there?! He quickly grabbed a piece of steak out of his side bag and ate it in hopes of keeping his hunger up. It must be night time right now, why else would the two be taking so much damage
And suddenly, after another bout of pain… One heart left. The avian was panicking now. His face was pale and breathing quickened, almost to a degree that it felt like he was choking on his own air. This was it, they’d be losing their first life. And then it wouldn’t be long until they were down to red, and then completely losing. He started to scramble out of his mine shaft. His hearts were slowly regenerating; Scar might have gotten a moment of peace and was eating. But that didn’t mean the danger was over. Since it was currently night time, he could get swarmed by zombies, or blown up by a creeper. He could simply fall off a cliff.
Grian just hoped he could find his partner in time before anything happened.
The avian decided to stop by their base first, calling out Scar’s name into the dark oak trees around him in the hopes that he’ll get a response. But he wasn’t getting anything. Scar could be on the other side of the area for all he knew. At the very least by now their hearts were almost full. Grian just had to hope that it would stay that way until he found his partner.
“Scar-!” He was quick to rush through the entrance of their base, eyes darting around frantically in the hopes he’d spot a glimpse of his friend. “Scar, are you here?!”
“Grian!”
Running through the entrance was the man himself. With that stupid without-a-care smile on his lips, his hand waving to his partner before stopping right in front of him. “Oh man, you’ll never bel-”
“Scar, we just almost died, what the hell were you thinking?!” Scar was used to Grian’s frustrated yelling by this point. There was no shortage of silly and, to everyone else, stupid ideas from the salesman, especially now that he had acquired those huge gray cats. And considering that yes, he almost got the two of them killed, he wasn’t surprised that the other was so upset.
“Oh Grian, you would not believe how many monsters can appear in the jungle!” Scar laughed a little as he headed over to the cat pit, pulling some bamboo sticks out of his backpack. Grian was quick to follow him. “I just wanted to grab some snacks for the kitties, and suddenly I’m getting swarmed by skeletons and spiders! Good thing you had some food on you, I completely forgot to grab some before I left.” He chuckled, about to jump right into the pit, before his partner grabbed his arm to stop him.
“Scar, I really don’t think you understand. We. Almost. Died. And for what, just because you wanted to feed your cats?? They don’t even need to eat!” He threw his hands up in the air to try and add more emphasis to the situation. His feathers were getting really ruffled trying to get the other to understand the situation.
“Well- I didn’t think you’d be so upset by this.” Scar huffed a little, deciding to just toss the bamboo sticks into the pit in the hopes that the felines would just eat them themselves. “Sure, we almost died because I got caught by monsters, I’ll admit to that. But guess what? We didn’t! So no harm done!” And there was that confident smile, one that could either quell the avian’s worries or just make him more annoyed by how sure Scar was in whatever he was saying. And unfortunately, it wasn’t the former.
Grian took a deep breath, through the nose and out through the mouth. He couldn’t let himself just blow up on his partner. His singed pants remembered the last time that happened. “Okay. I don’t think you quite understand the situation here. The two of us?” He punched Scar’s arm, hard enough to remove half a heart from their health. The other responded with a “Hey-!” as he rubbed where he was punched. “We’re linked! I wouldn’t be upset about you running off to who knows where at whatever time if we weren’t! But any damage you take, I take, so whenever you go off on your silly little adventures you’ve got both of our lives to worry about. I just-” The avian let out a sigh as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “Why do you constantly put yourself in danger, hm? Is it just to prove some sort of point?”
Scar was completely taken aback by Grian’s words. He hadn’t even thought that his own little adventures would upset his friend so much. Sure, this wasn’t the first time he’d gotten them so close to death. But it’s not like he ever did it on purpose. Yet the avian was upset all the same. And when Scar gave it a second of thought, he was right to be upset. He could always be a little more careful, a little less reckless. He could try to not go out at night, or start fights with the other soulbound people here. He could try to be a better friend.
“You’re… You’re right.” He chuckled a little, fingers running through his hair. “I really haven’t been the greatest friend, huh..? But I’m gonna start doing way better. And I can start by- By getting rid of these pesky cats!” And like he did only a couple of minutes before he tried to jump into the cat pit. And like last time, Grian stopped him. But this time it was more out of confusion than anger.
“Wha- Scar, I didn’t- You are the most… Bullheaded person here, aren’t you?” Despite his words, there was a small smile trying to form on his lips. Oh, he was trying hard not to be amused by his friend’s antics that never made sense. It was certainly a tough task. And Scar’s laughter wasn’t helping in the slightest.
“And here I thought you hated the cats. Have you warmed up to them, my friend?” That cocky smirk was on his lips as he crouched down a little to meet Grian’s height.
Grian hated his friend’s cocky nature. He hated how he never thought things through, how quick he was to jump into anything. How he always made a bad situation seem good. And how his smirk could easily bring a red blush to the avian’s cheeks.
He was quick to turn his head away so that said cheeks wouldn’t be visible, trying to hide his fluster as he crossed his arms over his chest. “No, not at all! I just- You’ve cared for them since day one, it would be stupid to get rid of them so soon!”
Grian’s stubbornness to always be right was the funniest thing to Scar. And who was he to deny his friend’s needs? He chuckled as he put his hands up, surrendering to the avian in front of him. “Alright, alright, the cats are staying then! Now, for my first decision as the new and responsible Scar, I say we go to bed. That way the day will come and all the skeletons and zombies and such will burn away.” Despite his attempt to hold it back, the avian let out a little chuckle as he looked up at his friend. Always the one for the dramatics. Another thing he “hated”.
“That’s the greatest decision you’ve ever made.”
#ashton is writing#mcyt#life series#double life smp#grian#goodtimeswithscar#scarian#gift fic#avian grian
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Fang Duobing wakes up with the dawn on the five thousandth morning since his life fractured, then restarted, and there is silver in Di Feisheng's hair.
"Go back to sleep," he feels Di Feisheng rumble, where Fang Duobing's chest is pressed to his back. His hand doesn't pause, continuing to feel through the long river of Di Feisheng's hair. He can't help it, that it's still striking even after these years since the first hint of grey appeared. Early light glows through the window, glinting off the streak woven in through the dark strands. Vein of precious metal set in stone.
Di Feisheng has survived four decades of defiant existence in this world, and now he wears something proud to show for it.
"You're getting old," Fang Duobing says, and smiles into the back of Di Feisheng's neck. "What happened to rising with the sun to train every morning?"
"You and your sleeping in happened, you spoiled brat." The words are softened by the fact that Di Feisheng doesn't counter the hand Fang Duobing moves from his hair to his waist, only letting out a deep sigh. "And now you won't even let me do that."
"It's called having variation. Keeps you sharp."
"Keeps me tired."
"You'll start getting slow next if you settle into your ways like this, lao-lang."
"If you insist on calling me old, then you should have some respect for your elders," Di Feisheng declares, and now Fang Duobing can hear the glare in his voice. "Be quiet."
Fang Duobing has cheerfully never listened to this particular request, and isn't about to start now. "I show my respect for you nearly every day. Maybe you'd even call it appreciation." He lets his hand on Di Feisheng's waist drift lower, under the blanket thrown over both of them. "I could demonstrate again though, if you'd like?"
This time Di Feisheng catches him, gently dragging his hand away before Fang Duobing can reach for his trousers. "Later," he says, and the words are low enough to be a growl. "Go. Back. To. Sleep."
"Fine." Fang Duobing replaces his hand, arm reaching over Di Feisheng's torso instead. Di Feisheng's own hand stays curled overtop his, stilling as Fang Duobing settles down again behind him, sword calluses rough against his knuckles. "But I'll hold you to it."
It's impulse that causes Fang Duobing to brush at Di Feisheng's hair one last time, sweeping the silver aside to touch his lips to his neck.
Di Feisheng is, seemingly, by the fall of his breath and the curve of his body into Fang Duobing's, already asleep once more.
#yes i do mean the nickname as in 老狼#also hi. the prompt i gave myself for this was just 'write difang happy'#and get myself out of my usual angst/bittersweet territory#so here we are#mysterious lotus casebook#difang#di feisheng#fang duobing#ashton writes fic#fic
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Make you feel better (a.i.)
notes: this is my first post, yayyyy. feedback, reblogs and comment are greatly appreciated! also follow me for more and requests are open! ❤️
Warnings: boyfriend Ashton, established relationship, blowjob, swallowing, hair pulling, dirty talk, Ashton x reader
×××
Ashton's eyes were half closed as he stared at the ceiling. He had been working on new songs the past days, almost non stop and he was visibly exhausted.
You had offered him his favourite drink, to watch his favourite show with him and asked what he wanted to eat.
He had only replied with a shake of his head or a grunting sound that said no.
But you wanted to make him feel good, he deserved to feel better, he deserved everything.
"Ash?", you tried again, reaching out to brush your knuckles over his thigh.
His eyes slipped closed but he once again didn't say anything.
"Let me make you feel better", you whispered and leaned in to kiss his cheek.
Finally, his tired eyes met yours. "You don't have to do anything, baby. I'm just being a little dramatic."
You shook your head no immediately.
"You worked all week, babe"
"S just music"
"Which doesn't mean it can't be exhausting"
He bit his lip at that. He knew you were right but often he felt like he shouldn't complain about hos job when you worked a hard 9 to 5 job and he got to tour the world and write music.
"Okay?", you asked for reassurance and he smiled. He tried to hold it back by biting his lip once more but he couldn't hide his excitement from you.
"A little something would be nice, I can't deny that", he said coyly.
That was all you needed to slip off the couch and between his already willingly spread thighs.
Your nimble fingers opened his fly, tugging of his pants with your help and letting his underwear follow. He was only half hard but that would be changed soon.
"Babe", he murmured when you didn't start with what you both knew he wanted and instead kissed his hips, slightly biting the soft skin and occasionally 'accidentally' letting his cock brush your jaw or cheek.
His soft curved lips escaped a small gasp when you finally took his tip into your mouth. You made sure to keep your teeth hidden and your tongue dipping into his slit, while your left hand stroked his cock to full hardness.
"Y/N", he moaned your name when you leaned down further and took him into your mouth as far as you could. A pinch to his thigh indicated what you wanted him to do: use you.
"Fuck, fuck", he groaned when his hands grabbed onto your hair and pushed you down until your nose was just barely touching his pelvis. You were choking and struggling to keep breathing but it was okay. He needed this and you wanted to give him everything he wanted even if it meant you were going to die from it. Of course you weren't gonna die and he wouldn't let that happen but you knew that you would do it for him. And he would do the same for you.
An almost high pitched moan pulled you from your thoughts and brought you back to reality. Ashton was thrusting his hips up from the couch, fucking your mouth slowly with his hands still gripping your hair. But you wanted him to moan louder than those small sounds and his hands to be restlessly pulling while his hips stuttered.
So you increased your pace and soon he was following your wish.
"Y/N, fuck", he groaned as his hips gained speed and you felt tears brim your eyes, "You suck my dick so fucking good - love - love when you're such a g - good girl for me"
You let out an appreciative moan that made Ashton throw his head back on the couch, hips thrusting up even more and you had to sig your nails into his thighs to stop the urge to pull off. He was so far down your throat, you couldn't even imagine how sinful the outline of his big hard cock in your cheeks must have looked.
"I'm about to-", he warned you in case you wanted to pull of but you just moaned again and bobbed your head against his thrusts. He noticed the way you couldn't help but spread your own thighs, rolling your hips towards the floor to have it rub over your center but he didn't comment on it. You both knew he was going to do that later and you were already excited for the taunting way he would speak about you having to get yourself off because sucking him off made you so wet.
For now, you were both concentrated on Ashton's hard cock that was starting to twitch lightly in your mouth.
"Fuck, fuck, ah", he moaned louder than before and the same moment he pulled your hair so hard it stung just a little more than you were comfortable with, he cock was spurting into your mouth.
Hot cum was hitting the back of your throat and through watery eyes you watched his eyes squeeze shut and his mouth hang wide open. He was so hot when he was like this and even though you were well aware that you weren't the first one to see him like this, he had promised you often enough that he wanted you to be the last. He was made for you and he wanted you to keep him.
"Show me", his voice was raspy when he asked you, his softening dick resting on his hip.
You obeyed him, all to eager to be that good girl he had called you, and opened your mouth for him.
His fingers danced over your jaw as he hummed like he was considering whether he liked you showing him his cum that was slowly starting tö drip out one of the corners of your mouth so he had to push it back in with his fingers.
He loved it, you both knew that, it made him feel like you belonged to him.
"Good girl, baby", he finally approved and you smiled, then swallowed the sticky mess. For some reason you always loved the taste of it even though to most people cum was disgusting. Maybe it was just him and his tasted good. Too bad that no one else would ever taste it, you thought cockily.
"How do you feel?", you asked when you got off your knees, helping him back into his pants and cuddling into his side. Partly to make sure he wasn't going to get up and go right back to recording music.
"Good", he smiled and pressed a kiss to your swollen lips, "but shouldn't I be asking you that?"
You shrugged. "This was about you, Ash, just for you. Just wanted to make you feel better"
"I'm always better when you're with me"
He laughed when you called him a sap and hit his chest.
Later on, when he asked to repay the favor and you said he didn't have to but he was insisting because getting you off gave him just as much pleasure as you getting him off, you weren't calling him that anymore.
#5sos fanfic#5sos smut#5sos#5sos fic#5sos imagine#5sos x reader#ashton irwin#ashton 5sos#ashton irwin smut#ashton x reader#5 seconds of summer#5sosfam#smut#completemessash smut#almost wrote relationshop instead of relationship first lol#yea i think that's funny#well anyway i hope u enjoy my writing#follow me for more as said in the notes ❤️#and im gonna make a masterlist soon so you can find my writing mor easily#love and peace out i guess haha
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high infidelity
a/n: i’ve been working on this for around a weekish and i’m so happy it’s finally finished. its inspo comes from “high infidelity” by taylor obvi, specifically because of one line, but it just kind of ended up inspiring this whole story with Cal. (positive and helpful) feedback is appreciated :)
warnings: light swearing, subject of “cheating” in a committed relationship, long term relationship, mentions and actions of marriage, lots of angst, fluff, bunch of feels
word count: 2,495
The conversation had been racing though your mind since you walked out of the house. Each of your schedules have been incredibly busy but you still found time with each other. But lately it’s been getting harder to. Calum’s in the studio double the time now and your work is piling up. The only sight you saw of each was getting home at night and sleeping in the same bed. Now who’s to say that will continue either.
••
You were able to come home a little early that day and wanted to do something nice for the two of you. Calum’s more of the cook in the house so you order your favorite takeout dishes and text him.
You: Hey babes, you gonna be home soon?
You: I got off a little early so maybe we could do something?
Calum: Hey darling, I’m gonna be in the studio a bit longer but I should be out soon. And I’d love that❤️”
You decide to go upstairs and take a quick shower to destress a bit before Cal comes home. You undress and step in the shower, feeling the warm water slide down your body and exhale. You quickly wash your hair and body before getting out and wrapping up in a towel, then pick one of his old shirts and a pair of leggings to wear.
The food arrives just as you go downstairs, bringing it to the kitchen with Duke following closely behind to the smell of the takeout. After setting up the food on the table, you go to the living room and put on an Arctic Monkeys record, and sit down, pulling out your phone as Duke comes up in your lap. You respond to some text messages and check your emails before going on Instagram, scrolling through your feed as usual.
A few pictures in and a photo pops up of a couple holding hands while walking in a boardwalk, taken by the pap. You don’t think much of it because you hear the door open and immediately put your phone down on the couch and get up to see calum walk through the door, looking tired but happy to be home. You run up to him and hug him with your arms around his waist and him likewise.
“Missed you bubba” you say into his chest as he puts his head down into your neck, enjoying the touch of you.
“Missed you too darlin.’” You could tell by his body language and his tone that he was tired.
“Long day?”
“Hmm” he hummed into your neck as you both slightly swayed in your embrace. You continued to stand there a little longer before you pull away, taking his hand to lead him into the kitchen.
“Chinese?” He asked as he, along with Duke, started to smell the foreign food from the room.
“Of course” you smiled as you both entered the kitchen. You both sit down and enjoy the meal in comfortable silence. Calum reaches over for your hand and you’re intertwined with his, stroking the surface of his lightly with your thumb.
You finish the food and start on the dishes, Calum taking Duke outside for a minute. You hear him come back inside and shut the door, but hear the sound of him talking. Assuming it was to Duke, thinking nothing of it.
You hear his footsteps behind you as he wraps his arms around you from behind, lightly kissing your neck as you finish up washing the dishes.
“Missed you” he mumbles into your neck as you start to turn around and face him.
“Missed you too bubs” you say, pecking his lips.
“Is that Arctic Monkeys?” he says as he pulls away.
“Yeah, it’s the new record I bought, figured it would be nice” you smile as your hand goes up to his curls at the nape of his neck to play with a bit.
“Shall we dance?”
“We shall” you smile as he leads you to the living room.
“R U Mine?” comes into your head more clearly as you both now stand in the living room, your hands settled around his neck and his around your waist once again. You both begin swaying and enjoying the moment that you never wanted to end.
Calum was never around much anymore, always so busy in the studio or with the guys. It wasn’t much better for you either sometimes, always in classes or working in your free time. So these sweet moments you tend to cherish, not knowing when the next one would be.
Your head is on his chest with his chin resting on top of your head, Cal humming along to the song, when you feel something buzz. You hope for him not to notice his phone going off in the pocket of his leather jacket, but if you felt it then of course he would to. He drops his hands and reaches for it, walking out of the room before the phone was even up to his ear. He holds up his pointer finger to you before you can ask questions, slightly whispering. “Be right back,” before jogging up the stairs.
You go to the base of the stairs and see him over the corner of the top railing, going up a few steps. You back up a far enough distance away so you can still hear without him knowing, and end up hearing words nobody wants to hear their significant other say in earshot, at least not to you. You quickly grab your phone and jacket, putting on your shoes and headphones before slamming the front door loud enough so he could hear. Thinking too fast to grab your keys, you continue to walk down the sidewalk angrily and hurt without any intention of going back for the night at least.
He fucking lied. All the times the words of “I love you” or sweet nothings after every moment of passion meant nothing to him. It started to rain as you turned the corner past the end of your road, the water adding to the tears already falling down your face. What shocked you the most at the moment of this whole betrayal was that you never even saw it coming. It felt like you were blind and couldn’t see his tricks or what was real, if anything was. He ripped open a wound that felt like it would never heal, and knocked down doors of yours that might not be repaired. Doors only he could open. He meant everything to you, but he couldn’t seem to return the favor.
The rain had let up a bit as you walked to your best friend’s doorstep, ringing the doorbell and the door opening, y/f/n knowing just from the look on your face. She lets you in and hugs you tight, not caring about the soaking wet coat or muddy shoes.
“Can I-“
“Don’t even say anything. I’m here for whatever you need.” Y/f/n said as you continued to cry until no tears were left.
••
You woke up in her guest room the next morning, eyes puffy and the pillow damp from crying yourself to sleep last night. Your hair was a disheveled mess and your senses a little hazy. Then last night comes rushing back to you. Tears begin to well in your eyes once again as you bring your hands to cover your face, rocking slightly back and forth and beginning to cry again. You stop yourself, letting out a heavy exhale, and get up from the bed, your bare feet hitting the cold floor as you level yourself.
You slowly trod into the bathroom, seeing your reflection— and the shirt you were wearing. It was one of his. One that you’ve worn so many times it’s basically considered yours now rather than his. Now you can’t stand being in it or looking at it or touching it. Thinking of all the memories attached to it made you want to, well, cry. You fanned your eyes so more tears wouldn’t fall and walked back into the room and out to go the kitchen.
Y/f/n was leaning against her counter sipping a mug full of coffee and her glance turned to you, setting down the mug and coming over to hug you.
“Don’t cry hun, you’re ok. You want some coffee?”
You give her an appreciative nod and she smiles in return, turning to start the cup for you. You walk over to the window across the space, looking out onto the street. It seemed peaceful. For once in the last 12 hours, it provided a sense of calming in a way. Not many people drive down this road, it not being a main one.
But peace never seems to last long.
It didn’t here either, as an all too familiar car drove into sight and into the driveway. Eyes widening slightly as a panic set in, backing away to the counter. Y/f/n turned around asking what was wrong, and telling her in a shaky voice, she responds with the reality of the matter.
“This is where you have to come in, y/n. There are times where you can lean on someone, and others when you can’t. You have to settle this somehow, I’ll support you either way, but you have to decide which way to go.”
You both understand with a knowing look and a nod, and you go to the front door, anxiously pacing and looking through the front window for what seems like every second. A blurry figure starts to walk up, tall with gorgeous skin and fluffy hair, anxiously messing with the silver rings around his fingers. The knock on the door only happens once but rings in your head a little longer than it should. Your hand reaches to open the door knob but it’s the opposite of what you wanted to do. For all you care, you would’ve kicked it open.
You twist the knob and open the door to be greeted with a pair of pleading eyes, searching in yours as soon as you make eye contact. Calum is the first to break the deafening silence.
“My shirt.”
“Hm? Oh” you respond with a surprise that that was the first thing to come out of his mouth in this situation.
“Wanted to keep something of you to myself.”
Your tone was cold. You had no reason to be sympathetic towards him.
“Y/n, I-“ was all he could say before you went off.
“How could you. I’ve loved you ever since I was 14 years old. I would give anything for you, drop all my plans just to be with you, gave my heart to you just for you to fucking pellet it to the ground. Finding assholes wasn’t as hard as I thought I guess,”
Angry was an understatement. Pacing throughout the hall was all you could do, your hands going from your hair to each other, twiddling your thumbs in an awful manner. All he did was watch. He knew better than to interrupt you would make matters worse then they already are between you two. You stop and stand in place, just looking at him in disbelief, eyes watering, mouth moving with no sound coming out of it.
You slid back against the wall, tears falling and curling up to yourself, mind running with thoughts and memories you don’t even want to think.
Feeling footsteps and another body next to you, instinct takes over and you lean in, overlooking all things running around your mind. You slowly shift your body onto his lap, arms coming up around his neck and leaning your head into his shoulder, continuing to cry as his wrap around your waist. He pets your hair and rubs up and down your back, letting you do what’s needed.
After you calm down enough, he says something at first you don’t even register it. Retracting your head to look at him and give him a slightly puzzled look, he repeats himself.
“Do you really wanna know where I was April 29th?”
Did I really have to chart the constellations in his eyes? you thought.
Your stared him down, completely unblinking. He had cheated on you, you didn’t want to listen, but something compelled you to. He was your friend, your boyfriend, someone you trusted, so you caved.
“Where were you April 29th exactly.” You hiss, eyes narrowed.
You cross your arms, staring him dead in the eye, hesitant to even lean on him. You didn’t truly want to listen to him, but you believed he could tell you the truth, even if he’s lied to you in a way you never imagined he would.
“I was shopping.”
“Excuse me?”
“I was shopping, for this.”
He reaches into his pocket with your eyes intently following his every move. In his hand is a small leather box. Your eyes widened,
“Cal,” you breathe.
“Y/n, I’ve loved you ever since I laid my eyes on you. You’d drop everything and meet me in the pouring rain. You care for me and love me more than anyone else would or even could. The person I was talking to was your sister, she was helping me put this together.”
“I love you.” He breathed with relief, nothing but pure elation coursing through his veins.
“Yeah I know. You’re so lucky I know what she likes.”
“So it was her on the other line?” you questioned.
“Yes love, I would never cheat on you, are you kidding? You’re the only one I have eyes for, hands for, love for.”
He removes his other hand from your hip to open the tiny box, revealing a beautiful crested ring, shining in the sunlight coming through the window. Your hands fly up to cover your mouth as it drops open in awe.
“Y/n I love you so much and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with anyone else but you. So, will you marry me?”
“Yes Cal, yes.” you exclaim, tears welling from a different emotion. Your hands cup his face as you kiss him, full of passion and excitement as you both smile into it.
You stop to admire the moment, foreheads against one another’s as each of you smile, wondering how your smile could get any wider. He looks down at the ring and brushes his hand over yours, taking it and gingerly sliding the ring onto your hand, both admiring it.
“I can’t believe this.” you giggle, looking from him to the ring.
“Believe it, baby.” he responds, pulling you in for another tender kiss.
He murmured soft ‘I love you’s’ against your skin. This time, this time you knew he would never lie to you. He was yours, and you were his. With a small laugh, you hug him tight, tears in your eyes, this time from excitement.
“I love you Y/N. I’ve loved you before I knew who you were.”
#calum hood#calum hood x reader#calum 5sos#5sos x reader#ashton irwin#michael clifford#ashton 5sos#michael 5sos#luke hemmings#luke 5sos#5 seconds of summer#5sos fic#fluff#angst and feels#taylor swift#midnights#high infidelity#5sosfam#fanfic#writing#Spotify
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listen if there is any kind of cr-specific whump in fic that I will always go feral for it’s a feeblemind fic.
And Like I don’t think I’ve seen very much of this for c3 but like.
Imagine feebleminded ashton. Like I imagine if we were early campaign they’d be pretty defensive, wouldn’t let any of bh but fcg get anywhere near them.
but like later game ashton would be like. Very guard dog coded. Very protective of their family, needs to see everyone at all times and know they’re safe. And the separation anxiety???? The terror they would feel if left alone????
#maybe I will write this fic someday#if anyone from my real life reads this post I think I will have to go into hiding I feel so insane#ashton greymoore#critical role#bells hells#this is all I’ve thought about all day
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Happier Than Ever (Stay) (A.I)
Pairing: Ashton Irwin x Fem!Singer! Reader
Summary: Based on the songs Happier than Ever by Billie Eilish and Stay by Post Malone. pt 2 of YOYOK. You go back to L.A and old friends open old wounds
Warnings: ANGST. This is very, very based on my own experience so this is my therapy session with you guys, sorry. Mentions of abuse, death, melancholia, psychological abuse, sad times, curse words. And grammar errors (I didn't even check twice, I'm sorry)
Word Count: 8.7 k
Author's Note: Hey, I'm back because I've missed you and I needed to get this fit out of my chest and survive it. Please, if you like it reblog it and comment, I love to know your thoughts. SUPPORT YOUR WRITERS THAT WE'RE GETTING FEWER AND FEWER HERE. Thank you. Hope you like it and happy reading
YOYOK / Masterlist
“Hey,… I know it’s been a long time since we last saw each other. I’ve heard the new album is coming along great, I’m so happy for you. You… You seem happy, or at least that’s what I can see on social media. I just- I heard you were coming back home- I mean, L.A for some time and well, I was wondering if we could catch up? If you don’t have a place to stay maybe you could crash into mine, like the old times. But you probably already… Anyhow, just call me or text me if you want to. I would really love to-”
When I'm away from you, I'm happier than ever
Wish I could explain it better
I wish it wasn't true
You love the feeling of being above the clouds. So close to the sky that you marveled on the technological advances that allowed you to feel free.
“Mom, look!” You thought “I’m in the clouds, so high above. Is this the feeling you were always dreaming about?”
A pang of nostalgia stabbed your heart, wishing your mom could be there with you experiencing all of this. But she was back at home, safe and sound on the surface. You knew it was for the best, that you could miss her a little bit more before your heart begged you to go and visit, even when your mind knew better than to believe those rose colored glasses of memory.
Was it the feeling of familiarity that made you feel safe even when it hurt? Maybe. Still, you wish you could’ve shown the world to her, give her everything on a silver platter and say “Mom, I did it. I can take care of you now”
What would she say?
You know she’s proud and she’s thankful for everything you’ve done for her. Still, it doesn’t feel like enough. Her eyes just won’t shine the same way; her smile would change; and the hug won’t ever feel as comforting as you’d expected. Your heart would tell you that she loves you, but your mind would always go back to those moments where you doubted it could ever be unconditional. So you’ve learned to miss her a little bit longer each time. Longer until you learn to miss her for the rest of your life.
It was not a foreign feeling, but it was one that you learned to feel and apply to your life. With time you’ve known the patterns, you’ve learned to grow and let go because that’s not the energy you need to spend even a bit of your mind over. You could miss the happy moments but know that they don’t fit anywhere with the person you want to be most. For your own good, you needed to learn how to let go.
The path was not easy - having to teach your heart not to bleed itself dry for the memory of past times. All the tears and the hurt, it was all part of healing what other people broke. So, the beauty of the cracks made you see just how worthy you are. Even if sometimes the water leaks and your mind starts a whirlwind of doubt, you would never come back to the person you used to be when the people that you loved most didn’t love you as you deserved.
Since then, you found yourself thriving. Not only in your career as a musician, with your lyrics that resonated with a lot of people and even made you gain a considerable number of new fans; but, also with yourself. You started loving more freely, more authentically. you saw yourself in a better light and wished people from your past could see just how much better you are without them. Not to be mean or to gloat, but for them to know that you didn’t cave, that life was meant to be lived and you will be doing just that even if they’re not part of it anymore. You wanted them to be happy for you, just as happy as you are for them.
Still, it scared you to go back to L.A, a place that has seen you at your worst and was the cause of your declining mental health. Even if it was for a short period of time, you knew you couldn’t stay there. Your place, the place that you belong was somewhere across the sea; far from anything and anyone that could make you feel like you once did. Like you didn’t matter.
Yet, no process of healing is ever complete until the cycle of hurt is broken. There were some things in your chest that begged for you to say them. Now it was time to let them out. And, if you were honest, a tiny bit of curiosity tied itself to that feeling. There were just too many unanswered questions still left hanging in thin air. The problem was that you didn’t know if you’d like the answers.
“Hey, Y/N” Your agent called your attention as she sat next to you “I need to confirm the last dates for your airbnb, are you sure you want to shorten your stay?”
You smiled softly at her “Yeah, I will be staying with some friends after”
“Okay, but are you sure?”
“Yeah, I’ll be fine. There’s a lot of things we need to catch up”
Every time we make-up, the truth is fading'
Everybody's blind when the view's amazing'
It was weird to feel foreign in a place that helped shape you into the person you are now. But, then again, L.A never felt like home. Australia didn’t either, even though that’s what you’ve been saying in all the interviews when they asked what’d you miss more from home. “My family, the sweets, my friends, the sun…” But the sun did shine in other places; your family, you realized, never made any difference; the sweets could be ordered online; and your friends… Your friends changed. In the end, home never felt like home because you could create it everywhere you’d go.
There just places you’ve been. Home is something else, something you haven’t found yet.
Still, if you had to admit something is that the sun in L.A shines differently than in other places. It always seemed like you were entering a strange dimension, always playing “Something about the sunshine” on loop inside your mind.
You’ve been there a month and so. Enough time to have meetings and writing retreats that lasted a weekend. You’ve been to social required events, just as you do every couple of months to show your agency that you do know just how lucky you are. You’ve been to concerts, gave concerts, left concerts early to go and drink some wine curled up with a book in your bathtub in the hotel room. A small holiday mixed with a little bit of work, you’d say.
But you were leaving in a week, and there are still some things left on the schedule.
You sighed as you grabbed your bag from the sidewalk. The driver was kind enough to offer his assistance, but you would much rather face this by yourself first. During the drive you’ve imagined what it would feel like. Seeing him again. You wondered if your heart was beating faster than usual because of excitement or anxiety. In all honesty you didn’t know what to expect or even if you should be expecting something out of this experience.
Yet, you made up your mind to try and heal this. Get the answers that you longed for and be able to move on completely free. So, once the car drove away, you walked up to the door you’ve only seen in pictures before, and rang the bell.
For a moment you wondered if he remembered. Hoping that, in the end, his proposal of having you as his guest wasn’t just a passing comment he made. After all, you didn’t know when you’ll be back in the city or if your schedule would ever be as free in L.A as it is now. And even if he forgot and didn’t expect you, well, you can’t say you’d be surprised. Thank goodness for back-up plans.
“Coming!” You heard moments before the door opened, barely giving you time to prepare.
There he was. His hair was longer, somewhat a few tones lighter than the last time you saw him. His eyes took a couple of blinks to recognize you, changing the gleam in that hazel color you used to share so many secrets with. He smiled at you, the ghost of a laugh hidden in the dimples you used to poke at lunchtime, claiming that it wasn’t fair that he got to be the pretty one of the two of you. And for a moment, the man standing in front of you was the same kid you met all those years back, and you couldn’t help but smile back.
“Hey!” Ashton sang with a laugh, stepping closer into your space and hugging you with one arm as the other took your bag out of your hands “I’m so glad to see you! It’s been so long”
“Yeah,” You softly said, pulling back just enough to analyze his face “Thanks for the invite, Ash”
“Of course! I know you’re not a big fan of hotels anyway and, you know, it’s good to have you back. You’re always welcome to stay here when you’re in town”
He opened his arm toward the door and invited you in. You tried not to think about the fact that this was the first time you stepped foot into his house ever since he moved to L.A. He invited you before when you first moved, but schedules were complicated back then and after a while he stopped offering.
It was hard to think that once you used to live at his house back in Australia. Always trying to escape whatever nonsense was happening over at yours. At some point, you lost count how many times you ended up napping on his bed while he played some dumb internet game on his computer or watched a really dumb movie because “You don’t understand, Y/N, Seth Rogen is a genius” And you didn’t understand because even then you thought Seth Rogen was a creep, but it didn’t matter. You were in your safe space. You were with him. And he probably didn’t even know just how much that meant to you.
Now as you look around, you couldn’t help but search for that same feeling. A sign telling you it’ll be okay.
“Sorry, I know the living room is a little messy”
You turned to watch him look around the place with a slight blush on his cheeks. You smiled kindly at him.
“It’s okay, I’m not one to talk either” You turned back to the room “This place… suits you. It’s a lot like I imagined. Very artsy, very you”
He looked at you confused for a while “Yeah, I haven’t changed it much since -” He caught himself before he could continue and tried to cover his realization with a cough “No, yeah. Thanks! Come, your room is over here”
Once he settled your bag on the bed you went and sat next to it. Silence falling over the two of you as he stood awkwardly at the door.
“I hope everything is-”
“Everything is lovely, Ash” You smiled “Thank you”
He nodded and looked away. Hands hid inside of his pockets as he thought of the right thing to say. But nothing seemed to come to mind.
Suddenly, you felt out of place. Incredibly conscious that maybe you were an inconvenience now that you were there. Maybe, after all, he didn't want you there. You wanted to take this chance to meet him and talk, knowing you couldn’t just pretend that the years of separation and the strangeness you now felt toward each other didn’t exist. Yet, judging by his stand, there might not be a chance to bring those old moments back.
“So, how long are you staying in L.A for?” He asked. And he must’ve seen the way your face fell in disappointment for he quickly followed by saying “Not that I’m not happy that you’re here, of course, I invited you. Just wondering because that bag is just-”
“Oh. Yeah, no. My other bags are still at the hotel”
“The hotel?”
“Yeah, I just asked my team if I could leave them there since we leave in a week and I don’t need much to get by while I’m here and so…”
“Wait,” Ashton shook his head “You’ve been in L.A for a while now?”
“A month or so”
“And you didn’t tell me? Y/N, I offered you a place to stay for a reason”
You frowned “Ash, I did tell you. Last time we texted to see when I was arriving, I told you I was already here”
“No, you said-” He protested as he took out his phone and you watched him scroll down to your conversation. His words got caught up once he read those messages again “I- I though-”
“I have been incredibly busy these past few days, hence why I didn’t want to inconvenience you with my crazy schedule and all. This last week is all I have to relax and so I thought that we could catch up this week before I leave?”
“No, no, no yeah, you’re totally right.” He said, running a hand through his face, embarrassedly “I’m just an idiot”
You looked at him quizzically.
“Everything okay, Ash?”
“I thought we had more time, that’s all” He smiled softly at you “Anyway, ready for tonight?”
“Tonight?” You asked, a small smile forming in your face.
“Yeah! I’m taking you to dinner to celebrate your new album!”
Ashton started to dance awkwardly, making you laugh as you shook your head at him.
“You really don’t have to do that, you know?”
“I want to!” He said “You’ll see, just be ready by seven”
He clapped his hands and left the room. A warm feeling spread through your chest on the fact that he wanted to celebrate you and your success. It finally felt like he cared, like he hasn’t forgotten about you. This really was a chance to put all bad things in the past and start anew.
Or at least, that’s what you hoped.
You scared me to death, but I'm wasting my breath
'Cause you only listen to your fucking friends
Fuck off and pour another drink
And tell me what you think
You know that I'm too drunk to talk right now
You knocked on his door at fifteen past seven. You decided to wear your favorite light blue top with black, wide leg pants and some low heels. You didn’t really know where he was supposed to take you or how you should dress, so you went with the most comfortable but chic thing you could find given that you didn’t plan to go out as much.
When Ashton opened his door you took a step back to look at him. He was wearing jeans and a wide, white shirt. You could feel your cheeks blush, and had to look down to hide it. It was an awful familiar feeling that you thought you could leave behind knowing that it was extremely pointless to feel the way you once did.
And just like all those years back, he didn’t notice. But for the first time you were glad he didn’t.
“Sorry I made you wait” He said with a smile, closing the door behind him.
“It’s okay,” You said, looking up with a shy smile.
Ashton walked past you to grab his keys, the path he created with his cologne left you dumbfounded for a minute. It was a different smell, one that you weren’t familiar with.
“Why do you have so many colognes?” You asked him once, walking over to his small desk while he wrote what was left of his assignment.
Ashton looked up and chuckled when he saw you puffing them into the air to smell them and making faces at each one “They’re mostly presents from my family. I think my aunts were trying to tell me something last year”
“Well, at least they have good taste” You said, trying on the one that had a clear, almost orangy color bottle “Yeah, I’m taking this one home”
“No the hell you’re not!” He got up and took the bottle away from you, raising his arm over his head so that you couldn't catch it. It was his favorite pastime to remind you just how short you were back then “This is my favorite one!”
“You never use it!”
“I will!”
After a couple more tries to grab it from his hands you saw yourself surrender and falling onto his bed again “If you don’t wear it at least five times a week, I’ll take it”
“Deal” He said with a smile, throwing one of his hoodies at you from the floor “And then you will hate it so much because it’ll remind you too much of me that you won’t even want it afterward”
You never told him that it would be the opposite.
Next thing you know, Ashton has parked and was getting out of the car. You looked around and you were surrounded by nice streets and expensive houses. You opened the door and looked over at Ashton who was nodding his head toward one of the houses.
“C’mon” He said with a smile.
“Where are we? Is this a new restaurant I haven’t heard about or…?”
“What? No,” He chuckled, ringing the doorbell “Is my friend Andrew’s home. He invited us over for dinner to celebrate that he came back from tour as well”
You were at a loss for words, “He invited us?”
“Yeah, I told him you were coming. Why, what’s wrong?”
A lot. You wanted to tell him. A lot was wrong. How could he not see what he was doing? If he had told you that you were just going to a friend’s house then you wouldn’t have looked so out of place, or feel like a fish out of water. You didn’t know who this Andrew was, you didn’t even know if Ash had actually told them that you were coming or if you’re just going to turn up at this reunion/party for his friend. He said it was to celebrate you.
But before you could voice your concerns to him, the door opened and a guy with a big mop of hair jumped in to hug him.
“Dude! I’m so happy you could make it!” He - Andrew, apparently - smiled widely at Ash, chatting with him for a minute before he noticed you standing beside him “Oh, hi!”
“Hi,” You smiled shyly, extending your hand in greeting knowing Ashton was not going to introduce you judging by the face he just made, seemingly embarrassed of that fact “I’m Y/N”
“Of course!” Said Andrew, shaking your hand and pulling you in for a kiss on the cheek that you weren’t expecting “I heard so much about you, I didn’t know you were friends with this guy here”
“Yeah! We’re friends since the old Australian days” Ashton said, smiling at you “Y/N here dropped by for a visit since she’s doing a lil business around L.A”
You smiled tensely during that small exchange. Wanting nothing more than to crawl back into the car and wait for everything to be over.
One of the reasons you left L.A was because nothing ever felt right. For years you tried to fit in into the scene, going to parties and hosting them with a bunch of people who didn’t even know your last name. You were never good at making new friends, that is to say once you’ve established a relationship with someone then friendship would just roll around the corner. But everyone here was moving so fast it was almost impossible to even wish for a deeper connection with someone.
When you first moved, you thought it would be like a great new beginning. Yet you’ve never felt more alone. The only people you knew were from your team and from Ashton’s band, but even then they turned into more acquaintances given just how little time they seemed to spend in the city.
And maybe Ashton knew that. Maybe he was trying to fix that and give you some opportunities to mix with his group of friends; something you’ve been wanting to do since you moved here all those years ago. Still, something fell… off about all of this.
After the guys talked a little bit more, finally Andrew invited you in. There, you found a group of people you’ve never met hanging around the living room. Plastic cups and ashtrays were scattered around the room as a tinted, light smoke served to decorate the place and give you just an idea of the state of most attendees.
As you walked by, people started to come up to Ash, greeting him and spending a few minutes catching up. Not one of them turned to look at you for more than a second or even gave you the courtesy to say hi. Ashton didn’t seem to notice it at first, but there would come the rare occasion that he would introduce you to some of the groups that started forming around him.
It was not a rare sight for you. Back in school he was the popular one, always friendly with countless people you didn’t even see around school that often.
“This is Y/N, she’s here promoting her new album!” He’d say.
“Wait, I know you!” One of the strangers said, their smile totally welcoming “Taylor Swift gave you a few shout-outs recently, didn’t she?”
You smiled “Yeah! I had a chat with her at a label party a few days back. She’s amazing. We talked about collabing soon, maybe a writing session next time she flies out to the U.K”
“Damn, that’s awesome! I’m Laura, by the way” They said, extending her hand toward you “Ash, why didn’t you bring her along on one of our trips?”
Ashton chuckled “C’mon L, well…”
“Yeah, I don’t think it’s our style. No offense” A guy next to them said. You frowned
“What do you mean?” You smiled awkwardly “Have you heard my songs before or-?”
“Nah, it ain’t that. It’s just- We don’t go Taylor Swift’s style”
You could feel your heart beating loudly inside your chest as you looked between Ashton and the other guy, hoping that Ash would intervene “But I’m not Taylor”
Once again you looked toward Ash, but his eyes were cast down to the bottle of beer that he held in his hands. You couldn’t help the disappointment that came over you then.
“Hey man, not cool” Laura said, locking your arms together as they pulled you away “Don’t mind him, he’s high out his mind right now. C’mon, let’s get a bit drunk”
They took you to the main couches and sat next to you. Your cheeks were a bit red from the humiliation. How could you have expected Ashton to defend you? He said it before that your music didn’t go with his vibes and that it was not really his thing, so why would he help you now?
“Those guys can be assholes sometimes. I love them, but they’re so…” Laura trailed off, looking over at you “But hey, forget about them. Tell me a little bit about yourself, how do you know Ash?”
You ended up telling them your whole story. About how you met when you were kids and how he was your best friend. How lonely you felt when he moved away the first time. And how excited you were to see him again after your big break, but that life got in the way.
You probably told them more than you should’ve, but the drinks were soft and the room was crowded. And for the first time in the evening someone was actually willing to listen, curious to know you rather than know about you.
“That seems like a whole adventure” They smiled, “And when was the last time you saw Ash before deciding to come and stay with him?”
It wasn’t that long ago, a year or so earlier, when you gave a secret concert in London when you released your last album. He was standing in the corner, smiling at you as you sang. It was the first time since you told him you were moving a couple of years prior. You both kept following each other on social media, but that was pretty much it when it came to your relationship. And you were good with it.
You knew they were in the U.K for their tour, Michael and Crystal had asked you for drinks during that same week and you had a great time catching up. So, against your mind’s warning, you started to hope you would run to him soon enough. And when he appeared at the concert, you couldn’t help but smile back.
Afterwards, when you were back in the green room, you asked if he was still out there and to invite him over to chat. But no one from your team saw him; apparently he was already gone by the time you went off the stage. You remember waiting until you went home to allow yourself to cry, even for just a few minutes. That small interaction that seemingly never happened opened the wound back again. And, if you were honest with yourself, that was one of the main reasons why you decided to take on his offer to stay with him.
But you didn’t say that.
“I don’t know,” You told them instead, as your eyes landed on Ashton standing a few feet away from you, a lighted joint between his lips as he laughed with people that you haven’t seen before “Since I moved to Scotland, I think. A while before, probably”
If Laura saw the sadness in your eyes, they never mentioned it. They just said “Okay, I think you should be a little bit drunker, my friend”
Hours later you were alone and tipsy sitting at the front porch of Andrew’s home, nursing a cigarette between your fingers.
“I didn’t know you smoked” A voice came from behind you.
You sighed, putting the filter in between your lips and taking a long hit before you let the smoke get lost into the night.
“You’re mad.” Ashton said, sitting next to you
“And you’re high”
“So we’re both telling the truth tonight” He chuckled, you didn’t “When did you pick up this habit?”
“I don’t know,” You answer honestly. “It was better than drinking myself to death back in Australia. It helps with my anxiety”
“What do you-”
“Alcohol makes you fat.” You deadpanned as you took another hit “I didn’t want my mom to have yet another reason for her nagging”
“Y/N-”
“But she’s not here so,” You passed him your empty cup, still not looking at him “Bring me another one, please?”
Ashton sighed “I think you had enough,”
“You will just never stop making decisions for me, are you?” You stood up, killing the cigarette after one last blow “I know what I’m doing, Ash. I’m a fucking adult, if you haven’t realized. I don’t need you to tell me what to do”
His eyes widened. He parted his lips as if to say something, looking over his shoulder back at the party. You rolled your eyes.
“Don’t worry, your friends can’t listen to what I’m saying. Your reputation will still be intact and they will still love everything that comes out of your mouth”
“Hey,” Ashton said with a bit of a bark “Don’t talk about them like that”
You pressed your lips on a tight smile, looking at him as your eyes filled with tears. You couldn’t believe that he was defending them like that from just a simple comment, but left you completely alone when they were making worse comments at you.
“Fuck, Y/N” He said, frustrated “I’m trying here, you know? It’s like I don’t even know you anymore! You don’t want to talk to me, you moved across the world. You still talk to the guys-”
“They’re my friends,”
“I was your friend too!” He shouted, surprising you “And I want this to work. I want you here, with me. But if you don’t want to be here and go back to your fucking hotel- I want us to work!”
“Why am I here, Ash?”
“C’mon, don’t be like that! I just wanted you to meet a few people, celebrate your new album-”
“Yet none of them cared to get to know me, nor you to introduce me and actually wanting to celebrate with me” You took a deep breath and sighed “Give me the keys to the house, I want to leave”
Ashton shook his head.
“You’re angry. I get that”
“No, Ash. I’m tired and I want to go to bed” You said more firmly this time “Give me the keys and I’ll call an Uber”
“I’ll take you!”
“The fuck you aren’t” You laughed, not a hint of humor in your voice “You’re high with more than just weed apparently. I’m drunk. I would rather not fucking die tonight, thank you”
“I’m not going to-”
“I don’t want you to! Okay? Fuck, Ash! I don’t feel safe around you!”
You saw the ways his eyes changed, how hurt they looked so suddenly at your words. You knew you wounded him, but it was how you felt. You didn’t trust him, not tonight.
“Y/N…” He said, getting up and walking over to you but you took a step back. He sighed, roaming around his pockets before he found his keys and gave them to you “Text me when you get there, leave the keys by the potted tree”
You answered him with a nod and a small thank you. You didn’t watch him as he turned away and walked by to the house. You didn’t hear Laura, who was watching over from the window, tell him:
“I don’t know what you did, man. But I’ve never seen anyone with such sadness in her eyes”
Damn, who are we right now?
Can we have a little conversation?
Figure it out with no intoxication
We carry on, what is our motivation?
You woke up when you heard footsteps outside of your door. You knew it was him waiting outside, probably debating on whether or not to knock on your door, wanting to talk. There were times in the past where he would just open the door to your room and sit down on the floor next to your bed, waiting for you to start talking or acknowledge him so that he could apologize or talk things through. Sometimes you didn’t need to say anything, you just understood each other. And as he walked away without a word, you wondered where did all those times go?
Where was the friend that would go out with you and wait on the street for a cab to take you home, no matter whom he was with or what you were doing. Where was the friend that when you snuck out to your first concert, he held you close by the waist and covered your body so that none of the beer that people were throwing around got into your clothes or hair. What happened to the friend that would stay awake chatting with you on the phone even though you had an exam early the next morning, all because the guy you liked broke your heart.
Tears rolled down your face as you tossed and turned on the bed. It wasn’t fair, your heart kept begging your brain to understand. It wasn’t fair that you had to lose it all without a warning.
Once upon a time, you thought you had it all as long as Ashton was there. Now, you begin to miss the times where he wasn’t. Times where you learned to be happy without him, where you didn’t need him or his approval. Times where you felt complete even though your best friend was not around anymore. You were better off without him, and learned to live without him. You knew that to be the truth.
But one just can’t ignore the past and the mystery of how the person that makes you feel such horrible things about yourself once promised to give you the world and its stars and meant it.
You just couldn’t figure it out. So you just forced yourself to go back to sleep.
When you woke up again a few hours later and made your way to the kitchen, you found freshly made coffee and bagels waiting for you on the counter with a little note next to them:
“I’m sorry, can we talk about it later?
XX Ash”
You sighed as you wiped out the tears that clung to your eyelashes. You took a sip of the coffee and found comfort in the heat of the mug.
On the other side of town, Ashton was doing the same thing. His eyes were covered behind dark sunglasses as he thought of what to say once he got home. In front of him, Calum can’t say that he’s impressed from what he’s heard.
“What’s your deal?” He asked his friend.
“I- I don’t know” Ashton answered, biting the inside of his cheek “I thought she would have a good time. She was always cool at coming to those types of parties with me back home, we used to have fun”
“You and I both know she hates parties, and back home she had you. The normal, probably tipsy you, to keep her company” Calum said, taking a bite out of his sandwich “Last week I found her sitting alone while the rest of the world was having a conversation around her. We talked and it was nice, she’s not normally that outgoing on the get-go. She never was”
“You saw her last week?”
“We were invited to Gabriel’s cocktail party. You didn’t want to go, as usual”
“You never told me that-”
“What? That we’re still in contact? Dude, we all talk to her from time to time. We mention her in our conversations every now and then. She’s still our friend”
Ashton sighed, “So she just hates me for no reason?”
“You truly think that Y/N L/N could hate you?” Calum chuckled, “That girl would’ve followed you straight to the end of the world back in Aus. As far as I know, there’s only one person she truly hated”
“Who?” Ashton scoffed “I’m pretty sure our politics teacher was not so bad”
“What? No, Ash-” Calum shook his head “Remember when-” His face went blank “Oh shit,”
“What?”
“You didn’t know?”
Tell me that it's all okay
You ruined everything good
I've been waitin' on this all damn day
Always said you were misunderstood
Call me in the morning', tell me how last night went
I'm here, but don't count on me to
Just fucking leave me alone
He found you sitting outside in one of his garden chairs. A cigarette was hanging from your fingertips as the ashes fell on the floor in a small pile. You didn’t look back at him, for your eyes were staring at the moon that decorated the sky with its beauty.
You felt him come outside and sit on the chair next to you. The sound of a lighter made you blink, and you sighed at his exhale. There was no way he was doing this sober, and you couldn’t blame him. Yet…
“I was hoping we could talk without any of that” You said.
“You have your ways and I have mines”
Silence fell over the two of you once again. You could feel his eyes burning holes into your profile, but you didn’t have the courage to look at him just yet.
“When did I stop being your best friend?” He asked.
Tears quickly covered your eyes and you hated that. “Probably around the time when you stopped being mine”
“Y/N-”
“You held me, once. Not the usual hugs that we gave each other, no. This one was different. We were at school, an overnight vigil that the nuns made us do every year”
“Those were fun,” He commented “A huge sleepover at school”
“The theme was about lost ones, remember? I had just lost my grandma that past week”
“I wasn’t at the funeral, I was away on a trip to the city. She was the one that taught you how to bake”
“Yeah,” You chuckled. “Though, I was never good at it once she passed. Anyway, of course I started crying. I’ve already lost so many people back then, and I was barely hanging on. But then - then you held me, so tightly. And my tears left a damp stamp on your shirt. You cradled me and brushed my hair with your fingers and whispered “It’ll be okay, you can cry. It’s okay” and kissed my head as they started to sing. You sang as well and never said a thing about it afterwards. That was the moment I knew I couldn’t have loved you more”
The sound of a cricket broke your monologue, and you allowed yourselves to be fed into the sounds of nature for a while. You knew there were still things left unsaid, so you better get over with it now rather than later. You didn’t want to stay for the aftermath.
“Remember the first time you came back to Australia? I was still living there in the house we grew up in. I was having a shitty day at work, so I went to grab a coffee at our favorite coffee shop with other coworkers when a few of our old friends and classmates came through the door. We said our hellos and caught up, it was nice. Then they had to go. “Who’s coming with me to Ash’s house?” One of them said. I remember asking about it as they argued over who had to take the bus or a cab. They told me you were coming back that day and have invited people over to celebrate”
“Y/N,”
“You invited them. Even people I didn’t know that well and that I know for a fact didn’t know you as well. And don’t try to tell me it was a guys thing, cause you invited girl classmates as well”
Ashton opened his mouth to say something, yet nothing came out.
“I was numb as I took a taxi home. I still remember that the radio played “Waiting for Superman” as I tried my hardest not to cry. But when I got into the kitchen, I just couldn’t stop. I cried myself to sleep that night knowing that you were just a door away but didn’t want me there”
“Y/N, I wanted you there” He said, putting his hand on your arm as he leaned closer “I - I know I can’t say anything to fix it now but- I missed you, too”
“It didn’t seem like it” You told him “Every time I learned something about you back then was through a story or a tweet. I learned through the paparazzi who you were with and in which city you were going to sleep next. I saw you living your best life with your friends away from home. And, I get it, we both resented that place and all that we suffered while we were there. I just - I just hoped that my memory was something worth saving, cause my memory of you always was and will always be the best thing that’s happened to me while we were there”
You turned to him and looked him in the eyes “It just hurt to know that while I put you on a pedestal, I was already out of your sight”
“Baby, you know that’s not true” You scoffed “I swear! In my memory, you were always there! Front of the line!”
“Then why-?”
“I was scared, okay?!” He shouted, lowering his eyes in shame “So fucking scared and it’s so stupid!”
“Scared of what?!” You shouted back, willing for him to look you in the eyes “Ashton, for god’s sake just tell me!”
“They told me that you liked me!”
For a moment time stood still. You backed away from him as his words started to make sense. You pulled away your arm, letting his hand grasp the space that you left between the two of you.
“What?”
“People started whispering,” He said, his voice broken as if he were crying “Telling me how good of a couple we could be. How happy you were with me and how in love you looked”
“When was it?”
“At the beginning of our senior year” Ashton admitted, ashamed “I- I already knew that I wanted to get out of Australia. I knew that with the guys we could take the band somewhere massive. So I put my whole soul into it, trying to escape the feelings that would pull me back”
“You thought I was pulling you back” You stated, betrayed.
“No! I was pulling myself back by thinking about it!” Ashton said, finally looking at you and hating the way you were looking at him “I couldn’t risk it”
“Couldn’t risk what?! That I could have feelings for you?!” You stood up “You’re unbelievable! You could’ve asked me! Come to me instead of running away and make me lose part of myself in the process. Parts that I can’t take back, that I can’t love back because of you”
“Y/N!” He tried reaching out to you, but you took a step back.
“No!”
“Y/N, please! Just-!”
He grabbed you by the elbow and pulled you to him. The movement made you lose your balance, tripping over your feet as Ashton maneuvered you to land on top of his lap, holding you by your waist.
The sudden proximity made you lose all the air inside your lungs as you looked at him and his hazel eyes surrounded by red. He looked desperate, pleading with his eyes for something you couldn’t understand. He was breathing hard, his chest colliding against yours where your heartbeats were going as fast as your thoughts. Almost impossible to catch up.
Then, almost without thinking, Ashton launched himself forward and pressed his lips on yours.
The softness of the kiss contrasted the chills that ran up and down your bodies. As you gasped for air, his hand came to tangle itself on your hair, pulling you closer to him as you allowed him to deepen the kiss. He sat back on the chair and pulled you with him, making your legs spread at either side of his hips; never once letting you go as he kissed you over and over again, like a man deprived of something more.
“Y/N,” He whimpered against your lips, making you sigh as his hands roamed your body until they landed on your hips, moving them against lower half “Y/N, please”
Your mind was clouded in smoke, feeling the heat of his kiss along the length of your neck. His words whispered your name, as his movements on your hips became erratic, letting you feel all of him under you.
“Please, please Y/N” He said, kissing and kissing and kissing every part he could find “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry”
Suddenly, you opened your eyes as you jumped back to reality. Putting a hand on his chest and pulling away from him. Both of you were left panting, as your skin tingled from the contact.
Ashton’s eyes were desperate, looking at you in fear of what you might do. His lips - you imagined - were a mirror of yours, plumb and beat red as your name escaped him in the form of a question.
You closed your eyes and let a tear fall across your cheek as you shook your head.
“You don’t get to do this to me” Your voice, a whisper.
“What?” He asked, almost out of breath. But you were already getting off him and turning your step back to the house.
“You don’t get to do this to me!” You yelled through the tears “You don’t get to confuse me all over again. You don’t get to have a half-ass apology followed by a kiss that would make it all better!” You turned to him, poking a finger on his chest “You don’t get to make me hate myself all over again for loving you when you didn’t think it was convenient for you!”
“Y/N!” Ashton pleaded, taking your hand in his before you yanked it away “I’m sorry! I wasn’t thinking-!”
“Exactly! You weren’t thinking! You never, not once, thought of me during all of this. Fucking admit it! Trying to get me to come here to patch things up was just such bullshit! You just wanted to make sure that I was still available for you any time you wanted! And don’t say it isn’t fair cause you were not aware of how miserable you made me!”
“That’s not true-”
“Was this just a plot to get me to bed?! Is that what you think of me now?!”
“It’s not true!” Ashton yelled “I know I made a mistake and I’m so fucking sorry! I should’ve never-! Look, I want to patch things up. You were right, goddammit, Y/N, you were right! It took me a long time to realize and fuck! After you moved away I was fucking miserable as well! I- I failed you”
You stood there in front of him, crying silently as he paced desperately.
“Ashton,” You called to him “Ashton, why am I here?”
Suddenly, he stopped and looked at you “Why didn’t you tell me about it?”
“About what?”
“For fuck’s- About the fact that you were abused, Y/N!” He yelled, leaving you speechless “Right after I left! Why didn’t you say anything?!”
You swallowed hard “It was none of your business-”
“You told Calum” He accused “You told Calum and you never told me. Why? Maybe it was not just me who was a shitty friend to you, after all, if you were going to keep things like that from me”
“How fucking dare you, Ashton Irwin. How fucking dare you?” You pushed him away “I told Calum by mistake! I didn’t mean to do it and it was years after it happened. And because I didn’t think you would care!”
“What?” He broke down, putting his hands on his knees for balance as he looked at you in tears “How- Why would you think that?”
“Because it’s the truth,” You cried “Just like you said, you had big dreams and a massive opportunity and I was just going to pull you back. Ashton, you just justified everything I thought it was true with that sentence”
“Y/N-”
“Do you think I had a good time? Knowing that my best friend, the only person I cared about in the world didn’t give a fuck about me to even ask how I was doing? So if you really wanna know… I don’t relate to you anymore. I don’t. I don’t want to think about what we had anymore because it just makes me fucking sad. I thought the world of you. Ash, you were my everything. I loved you, as a friend. I loved you, as the sun loves the moon even when it’s gone. I loved you with every prayer, every pleading, every move I made was for that one day I could be with you again, anyway that you would have me.
I would’ve died a thousand times next to you, just as long as you kept me company. I didn’t care about what could happen to me. And when something happened, I tried to spare you from it, even when you never once asked. Fuck! I moved to L.A and this is the first time I’ve been in your house!”
“That’s-”
“I wish I could explain it better, I wish it wasn’t true. I wish we could’ve resolved this somehow, but let’s be honest. There is no bridge to burn when we're already so far away. And those memories? From all those years back? Now it all feels like a lie and don’t you dare say otherwise. You’re not the person I once knew, Ash. The person I once knew would’ve never invited me here to leave me alone at a party with people I don’t know, saying a cute lie about how it was for me when in reality it was to make you look a certain way. The person I once knew would’ve never made me feel like nothing every time we were at an event together and you couldn’t even say hi. The person I once knew would’ve never let their “friends” disrespect me in any way.
The Ashton I knew wouldn’t have tried to make me feel sad. He wouldn’t have made me so miserable to be in my own skin because they’re not brave enough to face the music he so highly speaks about. You never once showed support for what I do once I became my own person. You never once called to ask how I was. You never once believed in me as much as I believed in you. You made me hate this city. But even more, you made me hate everything I used to love about us.
Now I meet someone new and wondered if it’ll be like what we had. You ruined me, Ash. And you never apologized for it”
Ashton was shaking his head, crying as he listened to what you had to say.
After you had your feelings heard, you didn’t walk away or ran through the door so that you could escape the aftermath like you did back in December all those years ago. You were not going to run away again. Not when your heart finally felt light from all the things you’ve been carrying.
You and Ashton cried in silence, each one at one side of the room.
The two of you couldn’t help but wonder what had happened and why did it end up like this? You could play the blaming game; pretend this never happened; you could walk out and never see each other again; or, you could just stand there, waiting, digesting the sour words that fell from both your lips and think, think of anything that could be saved.
“What are we going to do?” Ashton finally asked, voice hoarse from the crying.
“I don’t know,” You answered in all honesty “It’s like we only play to lose”
“Every time,” He said, looking at you and giving a small chuckle. “Every time I see you it just hurts. Not for anything you’ve done, but for everything that I could’ve done but didn’t”
“Maybe it was for the best to have it end this way”
“But… I don’t want it to.” Ashton admitted in a whisper “Now that you’re here… I kept on failing cause I wanted to prove to myself that I still knew you”
You laughed “Who are we, Ash?” you asked “A girl that chases over the past and a boy with the excuse?”
“How the hell we’re going to make it?”
“Maybe we don’t” You shrugged “Maybe we’re just meant to be passing figures on the street. People we once knew. We can’t go back from this, Ash, and you know it. We’re just going to keep hurting each other”
Ashton nodded, walking over to you as you let yourself be embraced by a hug.
“I love you, Y/N. I will always love you”
“Terribly” You murmured against his chest “I will love you all my life, Ash. And I’ll miss you forever”
“Tell me that it’ll be okay? Please?”
You smiled and placed a small kiss on his chest, and held him tighter. And he knew.
He knew.
*
*
tags: @iknowyouthinkimbulletproof @mystic-232 @talksoprettyjjx @theshyspy @hoodhoran @hoodharlow @littledrummeraussie @irwin-fletcher-ash @wiiildflowerrr @another-lonely-heart @aabc5sauce @in-superbloom @sadcupofcoffee @personalmuyverypersonal @as-hs-blog @himbohood @sofiaaraee @irwindoll @weasleytwinscumslut @fairytrice @colourfulcal @nibin0912 @youneedtocalumdown @heyitskelseaj @ashtonsunflower @calumspupils@secretsicanthideanymore @alltimesos @wontlastimokwiththat @whywontyoulovemecami @theimpossiblehologramtree @perriexed @abiancajg @rewmuslupin @icelily13 @bookthingz @gracieboogirl @fastandtheformula1 @lendeluxe
#5 seconds of summer#ashton irwin#suchalonelysunflower#5sos#5 seconds of summer fic#Ashton Irwin fic#Ashton Irwin angst#happier than ever#yoyok#Ashton fic#ashton 5 seconds of summer#5 seconds of summer ashton#5sos Ashton#ashton 5sos#angst#writing#my writing#fic rec#ashton rec#angst fanfic#Ashton angst
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ok i want a rainy day with calum, and just spending the entire day wrapped up in bed together and just being incredibly content with the endless amounts of movies and tv shows that youve watched throughout the day and only leaving the bed to grab the takeout you ordered and calum lazily having his hand on you all day just wanting to be close to you
#freshrained#calum hood#fic#fanfic#writing#blurbs#imagines#calum x reader#calum hood x reader#5sos#calum blurb#calum imagine#calum hood blurb#calum hood imagine#5sos imagine#5sos blurb#luke hemmings#ashton irwin#michael clifford#luke hemmings blurbs#luke imagines#luke hemmings imagine#michael clifford blurb#michael clifford imagines#ashton imagines#ashton irwin imagine#ashton irwin blurbs
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Ok. Idk who else thought about this but in all the times of thinking about Team ??? but I was just having a chat with @4persephone and it just hit both of us...
Out of the 3 of them... Orym was the only one who actually saw what went down with Ludinus. Orym was the only one who saw Ira being Banished without effort. He was the only one who saw Keyleth come down and be taken off game immediately. He was the only one who witnessed Vax protecting her as he stood aside helplessly. He was the one who knew what attempts were made to specifically stop Ludinus. He was the one who saw Imogen trying to make a deal with her mother. He was the one who saw Chetney being spiked as he tried to grapple Ludinus. He saw his near success in destroying the pack, attacking the one who had killed him and his friends and Fearne's failure. He saw Vax being converted into a Lens. He saw it power the tower and he fucking heard the whole of Ludinus' speech, had massive realisation and all that shit.
And all this while the other two were trying to take down energy sources. Ashton and Laudna know NONE of what happened up there. All they knew was Ira was going to destroy the core, probably heard that explosion, probably heard some of the fighting and... that's it. They know none of the details.
And now Orym has to recount all of this to the two of them first because they are doubly clueless on what happened when they were taking the cores out. They don't know the gravity of the situation. They don't know what Orym experienced. They are completely, utterly CLUELESS! At least team Uthodurn, everyone is on the same page of stuff. They all were seeing the same shit. Ash and Laudna don't know shit
WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT?
And gods forbid they run into any of the Ashari or people who know Keyleth and has to report all of it. Alone. While also processing his own trauma and the fact that the first attack was just a test run and they were just... pawns.
Now I am seriously worried for Orym... man. I won't be surprised if he dissociates or is in shock and barely able to tell the other two what happened. But the man is going to crash so hard when the adrenaline drops and I really don't know what the fuck is going to happen.
I still don't know in all these weeks of talking to what will happen to Xandis and Keyleth and Beau and Caleb and the trio in general and who they will meet and who will blow up first and what will happen and where they are... how the FUCK DID I MISS THIS DETAIL!
How are Ashton and Laudna going to fucking react to this? How is Orym going to explain it to them? Will he be able to recount coherently in the first place? Will they even believe Orym or will they still be in denial?
#critical role#late realisations#I so want to write a fic but I can't rn cuz assignments#Laudna#ashton greymoore#orym of the air ashari#this is so fucked up#post c3e51#the apogee solstice#the applebee soulcycle#he's just a wee little man#give him a break#Orym needs a lot of hugs rn
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