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#as per usual this was entirely experimental
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"scalloped" taters, an Old AF family recipe that was only written down in the last 20 years or so, with no measurements anywhere on the recipe card
oven-safe dish. preferably lidded, but loose aluminum foil works fine too
potates, however many you want or need to use up, sliced as thin as you get can them without a mandoline because no one in the family has ever had one
onions, halved and also sliced thin, quantity relative to how much you like onions
all purpose flour
milk (or halfnhalf if you're a decadent lil guy. you can also use unflavored and unsweetened nondairy milk. i've never tried it, but relatives have and reported positive results)
butter, either room temp so you can plop little bits of it or cut into tiny cubes
seasonings (salt, pepper, i've added fresh thyme and sweet paprika before to great success, old bay because i was half asleep and thought it was paprika and it was fine, nutmeg, five spice, go ham)
add a layer of taters to the bottom of the dish, not specified how deep, but flat double layer turns out best by my experimentations. add some onions. sprinkle some seasonings on it to taste. sprinkle some flour on it. again, no measurements, i use at least one heaping big soup spoon's worth of flour per layer, a solid dusting but you should be able to still see the potatoes through it. a few dots of butter. cannot stress enough that this is how the got dam recipe is written
repeat layers until you run out of potatoes, pressing down as needed. you want a little room between the top of the taters and the lip of the dish. or just bake it with a sheet pan on the rack below it if you're paranoid. don't flour the top layer of taters, butter it liberally instead. how much butter do you want? this is a recipe from 1890s southern usa, home of Eating Fat Recreationally, so the traditional answer is "too much"
the strongest vibe check: pour an unspecified amount of milk (carefully) into the potatoes without disturbing the layers. i usually put the milk in my nicest measuring pyrex with the good spout and pour slowly against the side of the dish. "how much milk?" you might ask naively, like i once did. "enough" is the answer i got. i usually pour until i see the whole mass of taters/onions/flour just start floating off the bottom of the dish. top layer not fully submerged but rubbing elbows with the milk. i like saucy potatoes. the temperature of the milk doesn't matter. i've simmered shit like garlic and bay leaf in it before pouring to great success
bake at 375 until it's done. literally word for word what the recipe says, doesn't say to cover it. i do so i can control sauce thickness and browning, but even that isn't necessary. i start checking after 20 mins. when it's done, the taters and onions will be soft all the way through and the milk/flour/butter/seasonings will have thickened into a sauce. how well this sauce hugs the taters and onions will entirely depend on whether my great great great grandmother reached through your spoon to help guide your flour to milk ratio. too runny for your liking, take the lid off and bake it some more. too thick, add more milk, push it around a little bit to mix, and bake it some more. the world is your potato
it's at its best after a 10-15 minute rest, but it isn't necessary. amount made is also relative; i have done a single serving of this in a ramekin with one (1) potato, quarter of an onion, in a toaster oven, all while very very sick, and it turned out splendidly. it's solid comfort food, 20/10 if great³ gramma possesses you during assembly
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ooooh ty ty
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siryouarebeingmocked · 6 months
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I was watching an LP of Spider Man 2 (PS5) SPOILERS
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In the first mission after the intro, some guys try to rob a gun club. Which, has no security but a thin metal rolling door that some random thugs easily back a truck through. Sure, I get it, it's a plot contrivance.
Spidey (Peter) complains about the stupidity of the idea of having a gun club in the city. He banters about how he wants to replace the city's gun clubs with places that don't hurt anyone, like complement clubs.
In other words, a man who can dodge bullets in a high-tech, bullet-resistant suit packed chock-full of unlicensed, experimental, powerful concealed weapons* says guns are bad because they hurt people, as he beats thugs to a pulp with his carbon-fiber reinforced fists.
Two,  legal gun owners are rarely the people who shoot others. If they shoot anyone, it's probably themselves, on purpose. Most gun crime is with illegal guns, and blaming legal owners for that is stupid.
Heck, I'm from one of many countries with low legal ownership, strict gun control, and more per capita gun homicides than America.
Three, the plot of the first game involved terrorists attacking the city, compromising a public official, and nearly blowing up the Mayor. Then there was a supervillain prison break, then the Mayor called in a PMC to keep order, which turned out to be tyrannical fascists. 
Followed by a bioterror attack using weaponized biotech from the Mayor’s own company.
Needless to say, the Mayor loses his job.
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I’m not even covering the DLC and Miles Morales game, which caused even more chaos. In short, faith in the city government and cops to protect the public has to be at an all-time low.
Also, the city's gun laws apparently don't keep countless bad guys from toting around their thundersticks. And we know those laws are probably similar to reality, because one of the side plots in SM2 involves Spidey responding to people with fireworks, which are illegal without a permit.
In the entire state. Except for sparklers.
Also, Spider-Man usually mocks his enemies. He spends most of the fight mocking the idea of gun clubs. Imagine if some randos tried to rob a jewelry store, and he started going on about blood diamonds.
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I'm an hour or two later, and some guy says that his foundation is developing GMO crops for humanitarian reasons, as opposed to normal corporate GMO crops, which are made for profit and are "rightly criticized".
The speech does not sound one bit like something an actual person would say. It's possible the character is drawing on the language of a speech or article, but it still sounds awkward.
Peter later says "Money shouldn't be part of the equation when it comes to basic human necessities." 
Man who lucked into a cushy job because he was friends with a nepo baby of a billionaire in high school says “the vittles shouldn’t cost money.”
And last time I checked, a lot of crops wouldn't even be grown if farmers and corporations couldn't profit by them. Because, y’know, food costs time, money, effort, and resources to make. Like most things.
Just to be clear, I'm actually in favor of Open Source, generally. But this is just so preachy.
*Including armed drones with lasers powerful enough to destroy scenery.
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A Patient-Therapist's Anti-Psych Manifesto
Okay yall, I broke out my laptop for this, so buckle up, I’m about to have opinions.
I don’t owe anyone my credentials, but because I know the first thing out of some folks’ mouths is always “what gives you the right” let’s nip that in the bud right now.
I have been in and out of psychiatric care since I was seven years old. I have severe medical trauma from the experimental treatments I was subjected to, and have spent time in outpatient, inpatient, and all manner of different kinds of care. I’m also a published anarchic anthropologist, and a fully credentialed and actively practicing private therapist. To many, these are rightfully mutually exclusive roles. To me it is survival. Let’s explore some dialectics.
Dialectic: Per Merriam-Webster, a dialectic is any systematic reasoning, exposition, or argument that juxtaposes opposed or contradictory ideas and usually seeks to resolve their conflict : a method of examining and discussing opposing ideas in order to find the truth
In this case, we’re holding a few irreconcilable realities in tension with each other and working to resolve those irreconcilabilities.
Dialectic 1
Creating a class of healthcare professionals whose job is to dispense care to the masses inherently creates a hierarchy.
Any hierarchy that exists can and will become unjust under enough stress, with enough bad actors, with enough systemic intersections, if it is made so, etc.
People still need healthcare, including mental healthcare.
Dialectic 2
Because we already have unjust hierarchies involved in our medical care and research system, the question of who gets to define what is “mental healthcare” and what isn’t is inherently skewed in favor of kyriarchical** values.
Kyriarchy: a social system or set of social systems built around domination, oppresion, and submission
Many non-hierarchical forms of mental health care are devalued in our society and therefore do not receive the resources to operate at scale despite being extremely effective tools.
There will likely always need to be some form of “service” healthcare model in our society, even if it is wildly different from what we have now, because the worst person you know deserves care and it may need to be from people who are incentivized to provide it, and in privacy or isolation from others in the community.
Dialectic 3
Indefinite and involuntary detention can never be ethically or humanely performed. Period.
Some people need episodic or long term intensive care that comes from having someone available to them 24/7, and this is extremely difficult to provide at scale to an entire society in their homes, and your answer cannot be to offload the work onto relatives.
Current inpatient and residential programs typically serve, at best a holding pattern, and at their worst are breeding grounds for abuse and we will be hard-pressed to create models that do not replicate this pattern in our current systems.
We could keep going several layers deeper, but this is already getting long, so now I want to ask the next question.
These all feel really impossible to work with, Butts, you said I was supposed to reconcile all this and that feels super intimidating. What do we do with these dialectics?
Great question imaginary reader!
There are a lot of things you can do about it! Start by going to the Blackfoot digital library and watching this video about indigenous influences on modern concepts of the basic hierarchy of needs (link)
One of the things I’ve learned as an anarchic anthropologist turned therapist is that if you take what we think we know now about mental health, the nervous system, and chronic stress, and look back to this moment when Maslow and the Blackfoot community tried to communicate the resiliency of their community to the world, we can learn a lot.
A huge amount of mental health care, in my experience, boils down to learning how to regulate your nervous system, provide for your hierarchy of needs in your life, including the accommodations you need for your physical, cognitive, spiritual, and social world, and seeking, traditional or non-traditional therapy, pharmacology, and/or traditional medicine for the remainder of your needs.
What I mean by this is: mutual aid is mental health care, socializing with your friends is mental health care, taking a bubble bath is mental health care
But so are practices like MAST  (link)- a non-hierarchical therapy style that allows people to support each other through therapeutic interventions via mutual aid (a genuine therapeutic concept we discuss in our training!!)
I imagine a world where we dare to question all of our assumptions about what therapeutic intervention needs to look like. Where “mental health care” looks like creating a society that seeks to meet every level of need for as many people as possible, and offers additional, voluntary community built and operated services to meet additional needs that arise.
What if we worked to minimize the need for inpatient services by providing ADL support crews for anyone who requests it? Need to just be a lump in bed for a week in order to be okay at the end? Ask for a crew to come do dishes and make meals and tidy and field calls and check in on you. Feeling manic and need someone to be your impulse control? Request one. Like theoretically these are things we can all do for each other regardless, but what if there were trained volunteers from the community, motivated and available who could be on call whenever they were needed for anybody no matter what? What if you didn’t NEED to have a friend who was available? What if you didn’t need to wonder if they would be annoyed because everyone is there by choice and by specialty?
Imagine if you didn’t have to wait until you were in crisis to call? You could just do it because you needed or wanted the help and that was fine too. Because the goal was prevention. Make sure no one gets so overwhelmed or stressed that they reach crisis in the first place. Make sure everyone has community resources.
The task rabbit mutual aid is the one I think is the most under-served in our communities. I think a lot of us are still afraid to truly take that last step into anarchic community building. After all, time is the most precious resource we have, and giving that to others without a guarantee of others giving back feels very scary. When I’ve done task-rabbit type mutual aid though, it’s always been my favorite experience, and I truly cannot recommend it enough. It provides such an immeasurable boost to the entire community’s resiliency.
I think another really useful direction is teaching yourself a little bit about polyvagal theory. It sounds like pop science, but it’s pretty cool stuff. Things like diaphragmatic breathing, certain manual manipulation techniques, etc can help you regulate your nervous system in moments of stress or intense emotion, as well as adjusting you into a better regulated state over time if you experience chronic dysregulation, such as from PTSD, ADHD, or Autism**
**This is not me saying it will cure your ADHD or Autism, it will not, but it can tone down the intensity of emotionally/autonomically dysregulated moments, or make them a little easier to end on your own time.
In the end, mental health, like so much, is deeply personal. There will be no "one size fits all" option. But we can create a society that provides a high quality standard of living for everyone, with the majority of their needs being met as a baseline, and create services that account for needs that may be episodic, additive, or unusual, as will almost certainly always eventually occur.
So the question is, when you begin to imagine outside the confines of the four walls of the psychiatrist's office
What does mental healthcare look like to you?
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bluginkgo · 5 months
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"We will not entertain your dumpster pets."
"We've got to curb her trips to the dump. And where is she getting the hair to play dress up with them? Creepy."
Welcome to another Ginkgo rambles about probably very apparent details but Ginkgo is only now seeing this after rewatching Murder Drones for the 20th time (Seriously, I'm not kidding.) Just going into a little dive about Episode 5.
Spoilers, as per usual
The two previous quotes are from Tessa's parents, as many have probably guessed. But it does make me question something.
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Our entire trio and Cyn have the bands that mark them for disassembly/improper disassembly. And we saw the dump. The same dump where Cyn woke up under a huge pile of other worker drone bodies. But thats what's making me overthink this.
Did V, J and N die prior to all of this?
They were clearly marked for disassembly, and supposedly come from the same dump as Cyn did. We also see that Tessa is more than capable (or has materials at least) to repair Cyn's visor, so I'm more than sure that Tessa could fix anything that was wrong with the trio when she found in the dump. Could this also mean that the trio are considered zombie drones? Are the white eyes a characteristic of zombie drones? Taking a look at the worker drones in the rest of the mansion shows they mostly have blue eyes.
Once again, lots of holes in this theory too. Khan is seen with white eyes as well, so maybe white eyes is prevalent in older versions of worker drones. Or the worker drones can easily switch the color of their eyes at will. (But then there's also that case with Alice who originally had green eyes, but after the experimentations were done on her, the eyes turned orange.) A brighter side in this would be that Tessa found the trio before they were tossed into the dump. Yeah, they could have been marked for disassembly, but Tessa might have made a good enough argument to want to keep the trio at her side instead.
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kaiso-woo · 5 months
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I Already Have Seven...
✦ .  ⁺   . ✦ .  ⁺   . ✦ .  ⁺   . ✦ .  ⁺   . ✦ .  ⁺
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✦ .  ⁺   . ✦ .  ⁺   . ✦ .  ⁺   . ✦ .  ⁺   . ✦ .  ⁺  
-> Masterlist
PART 15 of my ‘Stay Series’ - a long hypothesised journey of a relationship between Bang Chan and Reader.
WC: 5.1k | Synopsis: The end of Stay Series. It's been a journey guys. I'm gonna cry.
Chris + Reader Minho + Jinhee Jisung + Suhwa Changbin + Kirsten Hyunjin + Soraya Seungmin + Yeonjoo Jeongin + Ashley Felix + Hailey
Notes: Fluff, FLUFF, FLUFFFFFFF + CHILDREN, Established Relationships (Everywhere) Second Person Narration, Skz Fluent in English, Idol!Chan, CaféOwner!Reader, Fem!Reader, Pet Names (Jagiya, Jagi, Baby, Babe, Love... etc.)
Here for a reading marathon? Head right back to the start!
✦ .  ⁺   . ✦ .  ⁺   . ✦ .  ⁺   . ✦ .  ⁺   . ✦ .  ⁺
Overall ‘Stay Series’ Synopsis: Bang Chan experiences the suic!des of Stays, so when you lot choose to die, he dies right along with you. Reader is the “antidote” to this condition.
PART 15
!!Casual reminder this is entirely fictitious - Chris/Christopher in my work does not represent the actual Bang Chan - this is purely my imagination and nothing more - this goes for all other SKZ-Members too!!
--
It’s been about a month since Christmas, and true to everyone’s agreement, the next family gathering was to be at Felix’s place. Despite his protests and attempts to change the location of the monthly meeting, the plan went ahead. At varying times around 10.00am the Skz Family pulled up in their cars, carrying food and entertainment such as board games and other bits and bobs.
Felix’s face disappeared from his window and he sprinted to his front door, flinging it wide open with a dashing grin to welcome Changbin and Kirsten inside. “Hey Yongbok! How’s your girl?” Changbin teased and Felix slammed the door in his face. There was none of course. No one yet.
“You can stay outside till everyone else gets here now,” Felix huffs, locking the door swiftly. “Yah! Yongbok!” Changbin yelled, knocking rapidly on the door. Kirsten grabbed his arm and shook her head, “It’s your own fault Bin.”
Eventually, the rest of the Skz Family had pooled around outside, mingling and laughing with each other per usual, trying to wring details out of Ashley and Jeongin for their wedding; “no spoilers.”
Much to everyone’s surprise, you and Chris were the last to arrive, laden with an unnecessary load of Tim Tams. “Look if we’re going to be at Felix’s place, then Tim Tam’s are a must,” Chris jokes, chucking a packet to Hyunjin. “You have no idea how dead set he was on getting these - such a pain in the ass,” you grumble as Chris abandons you to greet his boys.
“Do they even sell them here?” Suhwa (Jisung’s gf) asks, ripping open a packet in curiosity and taking an experimental nibble, “Ooh, these aren’t bad.” “What do you mean, ‘aren’t bad’? Tim Tam’s are my religion,” Ashley giggles, taking a packet for herself.
Yeonjoo (Seungmin’s), pipes up from beside your shoulder, “Did you get them from that one international store?” “You bet. Christopher bought every last one.” “Ooh, that place is great, I go there all the time,” she smiles, gratefully accepting the packet you hand over to her.
Normally, you would have argued with Chris that buying every single packet was excessive, but for one thing, he probably missed the sweet treat, and two… maybe you were craving them as well.
Finally, Felix opens the door again, this time with an oven mitt on his hand. Clearly he’s been baking something. “Everyone here? Good, because my apple pies have just finished baking and they taste better when they’re hot.” “You got ice cream in your freezer?” “Probably.” “Probably? How do you not-” “I might have eaten it all.”
“How has Felix not snagged a women yet? All this baking is enough to win anyone over.” “You don’t snag women.” “That’s not my point! Can you not smell the pies?” “Smells like heaven.”
“You’re heaven.” “No, I’m hell.” “Jinhee’s hell, not you.” “And what, Minho’s Satan?” “Was that sexual innuendo intentional or is my mind just fucked?” “Your mind is fucked.” “Nice to know.” “You’re welcome.”
Chris has already slipped into the house, pulling Felix into a one armed hug before standing by the doorway to help usher people in. “Oh shoot,” you whisper, just as you’re about to follow the train line spilling into Felix’s humble abode, “Soraya, tell everyone I’ll be with you all in a second; I left my phone in the car.” She nods and without another word, you swivel on your heel and march back along the path to your car.
Since you were the last couple to arrive, naturally your parking was a little further away. In hindsight, this trip back to your car was absolutely worth it, because the next moments were to be the happiest of your life to date.
--
Chris performs a headcount as the Skz Family filtered through, his smile wide as he greets everyone he hadn’t gotten around to yet. “Thirteen… fourteen…” he murmurs, as Hyunjin and Soraya walk in together. You haven’t walked in yet, and he frowns as he pokes his head around the door, searching for you. “She left her phone in the car,” Soraya grins, grabbing onto Hyunjin’s shoulders so he could drag her along.
“Were you counting us?” Hyunjin laughs, placing his hands on top of Soraya’s happily. “You didn’t know he did that? There’s so many of us, I’d be more surprised if he didn’t,” Felix interjects, bemused, his voice as deep and resonating as usual.
“Yongbok! Are you cutting these pies up or am I?” Jisung yells, and from the way there’s an explosion of chatter from the kitchen, Chris can tell everyone is just as eager to try some.
Felix shakes his head and disappears down his hallway, serenaded by obnoxious cheers and chanting of his name as he joins the others. “So… technically, there’s sixteen members of the Skz Family now?” Hyunjin asks, continuing his conversation even after Felix has left.
Chris and Soraya both frown, mentally trying to count everyone. “There’s only fifteen of us. Sixteen when Felix finds someone,” Soraya points out, but her eyes dramatically widen in realisation.
“No there’s sixteen,” Hyunjin insists, “Technically.” Soraya pinches his shoulder then, causing the man to yelp in surprise, “I’m right though!”
“Hyunjin, I’ve been counting heads ever since we debuted, I’m pretty sure there’s only fifteen of us. There’s just Y/N left,” Chris chuckles, swinging the door shut slightly out of polite habit. He would open it for you once he saw you nearby.
“That’s why it’s technically because she counts for two,” Hyunjin elaborates and at this, Soraya yanks on his pony tail slightly. “Shush Hyunjin- he doesn’t know yet-” she hisses, kneeing him in the ass and encouraging him to move onwards quickly.
“Why wouldn’t he know? Isn’t he the first person she’d tell?” Hyunjin rambles, his hands flailing about in a panic. “Did you listen to a word I said yesterday?” “If you were telling me this while I was trying to paint you gardening then I was most definitely not listening.” “I told you during dinner, idiot.” “You said to not congratulate him yet- not that- oh.”
Chris’ heart has stopped working. He can feel his chest constrict tightly, and his breath cease to exist. You count… for two? In a daze, Chris’ hand disappears from the door knob, leaving the door still slightly open, and he drifts down the hallway.
When he appears in the kitchen, Felix is still busy dishing out the apple pie, and Soraya is whisper-yelling at Hyunjin for his stupidity. In a rare moment of silence since everyone’s mouths are full of food, Chris doesn’t struggle to have his question heard.
“Do you mean to tell me… that my wife is pregnant?” He croaks, standing with his hands stiff to his sides. All at once, heads whip around to stare in shock at Chris, and it doesn’t take a genius to confirm this statement. Their expressions melt from surprise, to panic in seconds.
“And you all knew…?” Chris finishes, his eyes wide with disbelief. “Okay so who the fuck couldn’t keep their mouth shut?” “In my defence- I didn’t know he didn’t know-” “I told you. Loud and clear!” “Hyunjin!! You’re really asking for a slipper to your head.” “I get why he was part of Paboracha now.” “What do you mean was he still is.”
This was what you walked into as you let yourself inside Felix’s house, peering out from behind your husband and frowning at the noise. “What’s going on here? You left the front door open.”
The silence after your statement is profound, and you take in the guilty expressions of the Skz Family, and then finally the stiff posture of Chris with his back turned to you.
You tap him on the shoulder and he swivels slowly to face you, staring hard, his mouth a thin line. “Are they lying to me?” He asks, and your mouth slowly opens in understanding, a breathy chuckle escaping your lips. Someone’s let it slip.
“That would be quite the elaborate lie,” you grin, casually strolling past Chris and picking up a plate of apple pie. “Yeobo,” Chris groans, rubbing his face in his hands and trailing after you, “I want a proper answer.” 
You can feel the excited tension in the room, fizzling from one person to the next as you munch on Felix’s apple pie, eyeing your husband from head to toe. It’s all you can do to stop yourself from grinning like there’s no tomorrow.
“Y/N are you fucking pregnant or-” Chris begins, and with a cheeky giggle, you interrupt him. “Yes Christopher. I am carrying your child.”
If he wasn’t frozen before, he certainly is now. His hand is stuck in his hair, mid-way through brushing it in frustration, his eyes are wide and shimmering, and his mouth is parted in a permanent ‘oh’. Finally, he breathes out two whispered words, “Holy fuck.”
The rampant yells make you flinch, and you almost drop your delicious plate of apple pie. You’d think they were celebrating the world being saved from an impending doom with how loud and celebratory the Skz Family was being. You watch in amusement as they dance around each other, shaking you and congratulating Chris obnoxiously.
“Holy fuck,” Chris repeats, suddenly moving and pacing around in a state of shock, both his hands in his hair, “Holy- Jesus fuck.” Chris turns back to stare at you, and at your grin, it’s like the life is breathed back into him.
“You’re pregnant?!” He yells and when you laugh and nod, he disappears into another room, but you can still hear him yell in disbelief, “You’re fucking pregnant? Since when were you pregnant? Holy shit.” 
Chris returns in view, and his pace is suddenly more frantic. “Are you serious?” He grins, from over by the couch, but you don’t even get a chance to respond. The delirious joy that has broken onto his face is a sight to behold as he sits down onto the coffee table, squishing the sides of his face.
“This isn’t a dream, yeah? I’m awake right?” He asks, standing back up in seconds and dashing over to you. “You’re pregnant? You’re carrying a child. You’re carrying our child,” he asks, clutching your face and kissing you roughly.
“Yes, honey. I am carrying our child,” you laugh, pulling yourself away from him so you can breathe. And he’s gone again, disappeared back out into the hallway, yelling to himself. You watch in a complete state of bliss as he reappears and scoops you into a joyous hug, twirling you around. Thankfully you had put your plate down, your intuition telling you that it would be dangerous to keep it on you with him in this state.
“You’re gonna be a Mum!” Chris laughs, kissing you with your face between his hands again, “We’re having a kid- you’re gonna be a Mum- I’m gonna be a Dad-“ he breathes, his voice dying in his throat with his forehead pressed to yours.
“I’m gonna be a Dad,” he repeats, his eyes wide as they drill into your own. Chris suddenly sinks to the floor, his hands trailing the shape of your body as if you’re guiding him down. “I’m gonna be… a Dad,” this time, when he repeats it, it’s like the realisation has properly sunk in. 
You drag your fingers soothingly through his hair to try and shake him out of it, but he merely continues to stare at your feet. “You okay?” You ask him, bobbing down to meet his eye level.
“Fuck if that isn’t the scariest thing I’ve ever said in my entire life,” Chris whispers, and you’re startled to see his eyes shimmering with tears, “I’m gonna be a Dad.” “You already are a Dad.”  “Yeah you raised us!” “Best Leader! Best Leader!” “Best Dad! Wait that doesn’t have the same ring to it…” “Best Father?” “Hey that works!” “Best Father! Best Father! Best Father!”
Chris lets his tears trickle down his cheek, and he reaches for you blindly, pulling you into a hug on the floor as he cries his tears of joy into your neck. “Thank you,” he whispers, kissing you wherever he can, “Thank you so fucking much.”
“Why are you thanking me? You put this kid here,” you grin, hugging him tightly. Chris pulls away in disbelief, his arms still snug around you, his eyes crinkled with an undeniable joy.
“Thank you for loving me.”
--
Your reason for telling the Skz Family and not your husband first? Because for the rest of the day, Chris refused to let you lift a finger; because for the next few weeks, he’d refuse to let you cook a single thing; because for the next few months Chris would consistently pout and try his hardest to make your defences cave when you tried to do chores. That was on him. He was doing those. Please let me do the dishes? Please? “I’ll actually get on my knees and beg.” “Chris - I am not fragile, I can still do chores.” “Please?” “Christopher.” “You should be resting~ Are you drinking enough water? Craving anything? Please let me do the dishes. Please, honey?” “I never thought I’d say this, but stop saying please.”
--
You’re woken abruptly from your peaceful slumber, arms wrapped around Chris’ chest, by a heavy weight crash landing into you. Immediately your brain kickstarts itself into defence mode, burying yourself under the covers and inadvertently suffocating Chris too. You sense two of them, two little munchkins bouncing on the bed.
“Aughhhh,” Chris wheezes, clutching his stomach and poking his head out of the duvet, “You hurt Dad.” Someone wriggles under the blankets between you, and you kiss his forehead affectionately with a smile. “Good morning Cameron… how was your sleep?” You ask him, his big brown eyes wide under the covers.
“Fantastic! Now get up!” He nips, pressing his face to yours impatiently. “Juni- Juniper- sweetie, I can’t breathe,” Chris coughs, his arms jolting out of the blankets to hoist the youngest off his stomach. The little one had been having some fun using her Dad as a mini trampoline.
“Dad~ let’s go~ I want to play with Uncle Fewix!” She giggles, slinging her arms around Chris’ neck as he tumbles out of bed, carrying her.
Cameron kicks the covers off the pair of you, nodding his head excitedly, “Yeah, Uncle Felix is down at the beach already! And Minsung Uncle’s are cooking breakfast on the barbecue!!”
“Juni… where’d you put your hat?” You ask, crawling out of bed and rummaging through the drawer full of her clothes. “I’ve got it. Here.” Someone’s arm waves briefly at the doorframe, showcasing the hat before it disappears again.
“Alex, have you seen my sunnies?” Chris yells to the eldest son, the one who had only bothered to show his arm. This time, he pokes his head around and points towards the window which overlooks the beach. “If you squint hard enough, you’ll notice that Uncle Minho is borrowing them,” he grins, flashing his dimples. Mr Steal Your Girl 2.0.
Chris quite literally throws Juniper onto the bed, making her scream in delight, and tackles Cameron with a brief tickle at his ribs before turning away to find a pair of board shorts. You’ve managed to change into a bikini already, fastening your pace at the insistence of your younger son. 
“Where’s my-” “If you’re looking for your beach dress it’s on the couch!” Alex yells suddenly, and you smile in disbelief. That kid.
--
You’re braiding your hair in the bathroom when Chris bursts in and slams the door. You look at him surprise, but he only places a gentle finger to his lips and winks.
“Where’s Dad? CamCam~ did you see Dad?” Juniper pouts, talking on the other side of the door with her slightly older brother. “No? Where is he? Have you seen Mum? They’re taking too long.”
Chris’ grin is manic as he flings open the bathroom door and roars, his hands poised in the air like a lion, scaring the absolute shit out of the two kids. Juniper screams and dives for the bed, but little Cameron, after getting over his initial fright, raises his fists and glares at his Dad.
“You wanna fight me old man? Come on,” he boldly declares, and Chris pretends to crack his neck. “Did you become Seungmin’s student? You’re on you little ratbag,” he laughs, raising his own fists and bouncing around playfully, “Go on, show me what you’ve got.”
You watch as the two dance around each other, Chris feinting punches and Cameron landing actual ones, to which your husband fakes serious injury. Juniper emerges after a while and helps with her tiny little kicks.  “Hey- hang on-” Chris dramatically gasps, “I can’t take two of you!!”
Alex walks into the room then, already shirtless and in board shorts. He swoops in and hoists his little sister onto his shoulders, smiling at her giggles. “Want me to get Dad?” He asks, his mischievous smirk emerging, and Chris holds his hands up in defence.
“Nahnahnahnah- foul play-” Chris yells, as the Alex-Juniper formation chases Chris out of the bedroom, Cameron hot on their heels, laughing his little head off.
It doesn’t take too long for Chris to return to the bathroom, having sent the kids down to the beach on their own to meet up with the Skz Family.
“Morning beautiful!” He smiles cheerfully, dragging a hand through his already sweaty hair before planting a firm kiss on the top of your head. “And good morning to you too,” you smile, sighing into his familiar embrace with his head on your shoulder, “You going for a swim?”
--
It’s currently Summer break, which meant the Skz Family had hauled away their suitcases and children to the vacation house collectively bought by them all. It’s quite literally like a getaway mansion, with more rooms than you can count, a swimming pool, theatre room, massive kitchen, outside kitchen, games room etc.
The best part however, is easily the fact that it’s backed straight onto the beach; walk out the front door and journey down the patio stairs and you’ve got sand between your toes. As you step out into the sun, Chris at your shoulder, also just as exposed as his eldest son, you smile at the wondrous sight before you.
Multiple families, which are basically just one big family, playing around and lounging under umbrellas by the water. Chris is watching your gaze, and he nudges you out of your reverie.
“We made it, hey?” He smiles, nonchalantly wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “Mhm,” you hum, eyes sparkling as you wrap your own arm around his waist, “We did.”
All the Skz Members are married now. Even Felix. To everyone’s surprise, he was the 4th out of the group to marry, falling head over heels for Hailey and even producing their own daughter before anyone could blink. All had their own kids too, and plenty of pets. 
The dogs were having fun at the waters edge, gleefully fighting each other for the toys that a few of the kids were tossing into the water. The cats were lounging back under the patio, unwilling to go anywhere near the sand; most of them where Minho’s and Jinhee’s, well… mostly their daughter’s cats. 
Seungmin and Ashley were both reading a book on some beach chair’s, Yeonjoo right beside Seungmin munching on a slice of watermelon. Jeongin was sat on the sand in front of them, helping his youngest daughter Freya build a sandcastle, while Katy was searching for shells to decorate it. 
Felix has a whole hoard of children, young and older, chasing him with water guns up and down the beach. Meanwhile Jisung and Minho have managed to drag the barbecue down by the water and are busying themselves with breakfast. There are kids and adults swimming in the water, wives sunbathing. Two human’s are paddle boarding, some kayaking. 
You think you can see Changbin out on the jet-ski, towing some kids behind him on sea biscuits, their screams of joy… or terror, audible from where you’re standing. A little to the side, it looks like Hyunjin’s got an impromptu audience, as kids wander over (and adults, let’s be honest) to check up on his progression as he paints the ocean, his twin daughters trying to ‘photobomb’ the picture.
It’s chaos, but it’s home.
--
It’s indescribable, this joy, this happiness. Something that, unfortunately, very few actually experience; the complete satisfaction and contentment of knowing that if you died today, you’d have no regrets.
What about your kids? Oh, of course it would be tragic to leave them behind, but as you look around at Alex, who’s strumming his guitar and singing dutifully to a gaggle of kids who are practically his cousins; as you smile at Cameron, who’s racing a bunch of other kids in a makeshift hundred metre sprint along the sand; as your heart melts at Chris and Juniper, playing in the ocean… you know that even if you were to disappear, they’d be okay.
Your gaze focuses on Chris and your daughter, watching as he holds her below her armpits and spins her around in the water. “You ready to go under?” He asks playfully, wriggling her like a worm, “I’m gonna count okay?”
“You go with me!” She yells, kicking wildly as Chris pulls her completely out of the water, as high as he can toss her before catching her again.
“Alrighty, let’s go!” He exclaims, “Three! Two! ONE!!” - and they both disappear from sight, vanishing into the depths of the water. Juni resurfaces first, her Dad’s arms holding her up high, but Chris is still lost below the waves.
“Daaaaaad! Don’t drown!!” She squeals, kicking her little legs again. Chris bursts out with a gasp and hoists his daughter onto his shoulders, walking both of them over to you, “Have some watermelon with your Mum and Auntie Yeonjoo, yeah? Dad’s gonna go for a quick swim by himself, is that okay?” He laughs, while Juni tugs at his hair, pretending to direct his actions.
You hold your arms out for her and pop her onto your knee, accepting the offered watermelon from Yeonjoo and holding it up for Juniper to eat. “Anyone up for a race?” Chris calls, and Hyunjin throws his head back with a laugh, “A race? You know no one is going to beat you, Poseidon.”
“Oh well shame, you’re all getting into the water,” he grins back, diving for Minho and hoisting him over his shoulder. Minho’s face is of utter disappointment, accepting his sad fate of being dumped into the salty sea. Chris doesn’t have to drag the rest of the boys down. They follow, and Changbin pulls the jet ski to an abrupt stop close by, abandoning ship and leaving the kids he was towing to scream and yell in outrage at being left stranded.
They’re the older ones. They’ll survive.
You women gossip with each other while the men fool around in the sea, and as you watch them, it’s almost like the rest of the world doesn’t exist to them. It’s just them, the original family, enjoying their time together.
Chris is the last one to leave the water, the others eventually needing to retreat for a drink. He’s drifting with his back to the beach, the waves idly swaying him backwards and forwards. He’s lost in thought, you know this much, gaze consumed by the distant horizon and never-ending blue of the world. Juniper hops off your lap, having finished her slice of watermelon, and skips away to join her friends by the sandcastle Jeongin had made.
You take this rare opportunity to join Chris and disturb his time alone, slipping into the water and welcoming how refreshing it is against your skin.
--
Lauren, Felix’s eldest, plops herself down on the sand next to Alex, humming along to the tune he’s busying himself with on his guitar. The gathering he had earlier, dispersed, the little one’s getting bored and deciding it was time to annoy the aunt’s snoozing on some towels.
“I bet you my share of my Mum's cake for dessert tonight that your Mum is about to attempt to drown your Dad,” she prods, nodding her head towards you and Chris.
“Aunt Hailey made cake?” Alex asks, pausing his song to stare at his parents, “Sure - but if Mum sprints away and Dad chases after her, I get your share of tomorrow’s dessert too.” Lauren shrugs and begins to a dig a hole between her legs in the sand, “It’s a deal.”
Sure enough, you do just as Lauren predicted, using your element of surprise to quite literally jump onto Chris’ back and topple him face first into the water. Alex, as your own son, wins this bet though. In seconds you’ve sprinted away, diving into the water as fast as you can as Chris emerges, spluttering.
Hyunjin is absolutely right. You can’t out-swim Poseidon. 
Lauren sighs and fills her hole back in with sand, resting her chin on her hand, “How do we live up to that?” “Hm?” Alex questions, turning to look from his parents to the girl next to him. “Your parents, I mean. They’ve been together for how long, and they’re still so playful?”
Alex frowns and looks around for Felix and Hailey, Lauren’s parents. “Mate, have you seen your parents?” He laughs, strumming a random chord on his guitar.
Lauren’s nose scrunches in disdain, “They’re just cuddly 24/7. I want what your parents have.”  “You’re twelve, calm down,” Alex snorts with a raise of his eyebrows. “And you’re fourteen, your point?” She scoffs, kicking sand onto his feet.
“You have plenty of time. You think my parents got to where they are just like magic?” He elaborates, putting his guitar down carefully onto his lap. “Who knows?” Lauren shrugs, then changes the topic abruptly, “Are you training to become an idol?” Alex nods, “I have an audition soon.”
“How come none of us know? I only guessed because I see you practicing all the time,” Lauren asks, gesturing to borrow his guitar. After a second, she quietly begins to strum her own tune. “The adults know… but, I didn’t want to make the younger one’s sad.”
“And me? You weren’t planning on telling me? I’m basically your sister.” Alex shrugs, his eyes hawk-like as he watches her play, already analysing her technique for feedback, “You proved yourself that I didn’t need to. You figured it out eventually.”
“You’ve got some big shoes to fill,” Lauren smiles, turning back to watch you and Chris. Who knows since when, but you’re now sitting on his shoulders, wrestling with Suhwa sitting atop Jisung. “As if your Dad isn’t the Lee Felix.” 
“I’m not trying to be an idol,” Lauren recoils, nose scrunching, “There’s eight of them here already and you’re about to become another.” “Eight retired idols.” 
Both of them lapse into silence, staring out at the large pack of family members in thought. “Dad was worried about me wanting to be an idol, actually. He’s supportive, but he doesn’t want me to feel like I’m stuck in his shadow.”
“He has every right to be worried. For one thing, he’s your Dad. For another, just as my Dad is Lee Felix, your Dad is Bahng Christopher Chahn.” “Yeah but I’m Bahng Alexander Korain, and I can forge my own path.”
Lauren smiles at him then, and it’s this moment perhaps, that sets them both off on a journey to stardom. “And I’m Lee Lauren Seolhee, and maybe… I’ll forge my own path alongside you.”
--
There are many kids, and therefore there are many stories. As the author, I have complete creative liberty with them. Some may grow to be academic genius’, some to be athletic gods. Some might start up their own business. Some simply look to add to the Skz Family. What I chose to write about to finish this series however, is the beginning of the next journey.
This is simply because, as all proposed circle of life’s are, happiness comes and goes. It is spread, universally from one person to the other. And in this universe, where you and Chris have successfully achieved the peak happiness, and accomplished your dreams, the circle of life continues. Now it is the turn of Alex and Lauren, and all other kids of this generation to extend their happiness to others, to give just as Chris did, to love just as Skz did.
Alex and Lauren will eventually debut in the same experimental group. A combination of male and female idols in one overarching group. This group will co-produce songs and episodes, participate in promotions and schedules together, but also complete separate productions as sub-unit male and female groups.
Alex, debuting as A.K-Rain (forever undecided on A.K or Rain or K-Rain for short), will go on as the maknae and lead dancer of the male sub-unit, while Lauren, debuting as Seolhee, takes up the role as leader of the female sub-unit. The whole Skz Family will attend their first concert.
And as you look at Chris’ shining face, proud to the max, you’ll come to the conclusion, that you’d do it all over again - relive your relationship right from the beginning, just to see this very expression again on his face, in this moment.
You’ve done it. You made it. You both… made it.
--
And that my fellow readers, brings Stay Series to an official close.
Below is the full list of children I quite literally randomly generated (I lied I thought hard about them on a walk with my dog). I am aware, that most of them probably wouldn’t have an English name, but I am not Korean and my head was spinning with the effort of trying to figure it all out (who would and wouldn’t have an English name) and incorporate it into the writing - so I just gave everyone everything.
It’s not too important to be honest, but it felt necessary to invent them all. Felt complete. Please, just as a reminder, this does not represent Skz, I can’t predict the future idfk if they’ll have kids or not.
*ages during this particular fic
CHRIS + READER Bahng Alexander (Alex) Korain - Male, 14 Bahng Cameron (Cam) Daeshim - Male, 8 Bahng Juniper (Juni) Yeji - Female, 4
MINHO + JINHEE Lee Amelia Soo - Female, 11
FELIX + HAILEY Lee Lauren Seolhee - Female, 12 Lee Benjamin (Ben/Benji) Kunwoo - Male, 10
JISUNG + SUHWA Han Imogen (Immy) Hyerim - Female, 8 Han Jasper Joontae - Male, 5
CHANGBIN + KIRSTEN Seo Luis Beomsoo - Male, 9 Seo Nicole (Nicki) Yumi - Female, 6
HYUNJIN + SORAYA Twins!! Hwang Samara Yewon - Female, 11 Hwang Sophia (Soph) Yeonhee - Female, 11
SEUNGMIN + YEONJOO Kim Ethan Minjae - Male, 7
JEONGIN + ASHLEY Yang Katy Miyeon - Female, 10 Yang Freya Eunju - Female, 4
✦ .  ⁺   . ✦ .  ⁺   . ✦ .  ⁺   . ✦ .  ⁺   . ✦ .  ⁺
-> Parallels -> Masterlist
A/N: No more official updates :'), just bonuses left now. - Kaisowoo
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miscfandomwrites · 9 months
Text
Mama Chapter Nine
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A/N: SO I WANT SOME THIRST and y’all are gonna get it. Just a small hint: the next few chapters will be more action and angst. As usual, if you want to be on the taglist please let me know. Also, sorry for the half-month hiatus, I’m not doing too well in school and mentally. Working on it.
Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Mom! Avenger! Reader
Warnings: Language
Words: 3.4k
Tagging: @tyler-t0t
~~
“I love you Mom!” was Lillith’s only reply as she ran towards the playground, her red backpack bouncing along with her each of her steps. 
I chuckled as she immediately dumped her backpack on the ground and went for the slides. I stood and watched her for a bit, before turning and getting in my jeep. Per Lillith’s request, she wanted to come to school in my old wrangler. That thing was older than me and that was definitely saying something. 
I started it, feeling the entire frame shake as if my jeep was not in fact, a machine but a living breathing beast that had just woken from a ten-thousand year nap. Damn, this thing needed to be fixed. I hummed along to the radio as I drove back to the tower, enjoying the cool fall morning. 
As much as I hated to admit it (I didn’t hate it) I would miss my kid. She was definitely the light of my life these past few years. It’s a wonder that she’s basically a little human and had thoughts and-Wait, I was starting to dissociate. I turned my focus back onto the road, and was delighted to find that I was less than a block away from the tower, instead of halfway to Poland.
I parked and got out, deciding to work in my workshop rather than face my empty floor. After making sure my phone and other miscellaneous belongings were with me, I headed to my main work area.
Dumping my coat and eventually my shirt on the island, I kept going through and loggin my ammunition. Someone had fucked my systems up, and I had been dutifully working on organizing things. The one thing that really fucking pissed me off was the fact that my experimental batches of my 45 ammo were mixed. It seemed like someone just took the trays and dumped them in a spare ammo can. Like seriously? Every batch had different power and some had different primers and oh-was this frustrating!
I decided that it was better to get rid of them than to deal with having ammunition that wouldn’t work out in the field. I’d rather not rest my or anyone else’s life on defective ammunition. 
I kept muttering to myself about how stupid someone had to be to just mix ammunition without looking at labels as I retrived my old 45 from my gun cabiniet and grabbed some empty magazines. 
I’d used the gun range in my workshop before, but I wanted to see what the tower had to offer, after all it was made of steel and glass. In fact, I was surprised I hadn’t seen the tower’s range yet. 
I took out my personal 45 from its place at the small of my back and replaced it with my old one, and started loading the magazines. Bullet after bullet, magazine after magazine. I was roughly halfway through the box when I decided that two guns would be more fun, and I grabbed one of my thigh holsters and slid my personal 45 in. 
As much as I’d like to not fuck with my concleled carry, I had nothing better to do the rest of the day. I was still figuring out some things as far as S.H.I.E.L.D. went to pay me, and was mostly trying to figure out if I’d need an actual job or not. Besides, I had the parts needed to make another 45 on hand.
I finished loading the magazines and counted them as I placed them back in the ammo can. 
“Seventeen? Damn, I thought there’d be more…” I quietly said as I placed the last one in. I grabbed the can and headed to the elevator, where I asked FRIDAY to take me to the range. 
Not even two minutes later I arrived on the sixtieth floor, which only furthered my anxiety. Glass windows surrounded us on all sides (Although they were mirrored so we could see out, but no one could see in) and there were the standard targets and stalls. Thankfully, most of the team was up here anyway. Steve was talking with Sam and Bucky around a table that held various revolvers, and Natasha was showing Wanda how to hold a handgun properly. I headed over to the boys and set my can down on the table before turning towards the rest of the room, trying to figure out how we could shoot in it.
“What’s in the ammo can?” Sam questioned me as he pulled it over to him. He opened the lid and nodded to me. “Looks like you’re gonna have some fun.” 
I only grinned wolfishly in response. “So, the glass windows won’t break if we shoot them?” I asked Bucky. He nodded as he held one of the revolvers on the table, examining it carefully. 
“Good to know.” I replied as I headed to the farthest range away from everyone. I grabbed a pair of headphones as I walked past Natasha and Wanda, and didn’t stop even as the both turned and stared. It’s been too long since I’ve been able to shoot. To feel the recoil. The cold metal of the handle… The smell of gunpowder. Man, I miss it all. 
I set the can down on the shelf next to me in my stall, and sent my first target down the line. I pulled the 45 out of my back holster first, and grabbed a magazine. Muscle memory had me snapping it in place and sending the slide forward. The metallic click brought me back, and I centered my feet and took up my stance. 
I focused down the sight of the gun to the center of the target and took several breaths, focusing my heartrate and my body. I curled my finger on the trigger and the muffled bam! had me already craving the recoil. 
Breath in, pull. Breath out, pull. Breath, pull, breath, pull, breath, pull….
The same pattern had me going through magazine after magazine after magazine. I paid no mind to the burning hot shells as they occasionally hit my arm, nor did I feel anything besides the recoil and the steady calmness that accompanied it. 
It was only until the seventh magazine  in which I stopped and took a breath. I lowered the now-smoking gun and ejected the magazine, and pulled back the slide and set it on the side table. I stood there for a minute or two before deciding to send the target towards me. 
The target was almost torn in half; I had shot at the midsection of the outline and there was just a huge hole, or rather several smaller ones that made the target almost completely obliterated. 
“Jesus Christ, (Y/N)...” Came Steve’s voice from behind me. 
I turned to see everyone just….staring. What, like this chaos wasn't what Natasha and Barnes inflicted upon the enemy every mission?
I shrugged and took the target down, balling it and tossing it into a nearby bin as I grabbed a second one. 
“I think I should reinforce those windows some…” Stark muttered as I loaded a handgun and stacked more magazines next to me. I sent the new target down the line and I repeated the cycle of emptying the magazines. I swear, next time I’m just going to move everything by myself. Although this is fun. 
Everyone eventually went back to what they were doing before, and before long it was only the boys and I on the floor. Eventually even they left for what I was assuming lunch. I finished emptying the magazines and headed back downstairs, gun oil and the scent of gunpowder sticking to me. Either way, I needed to keep myself moving. Pausing gives time for my anxiety to reappear, so it was better that I keep myself busy.
I set the handguns on the reloading bench as a reminder to clean them later, and restacked the ammo can where it belonged. I turned off the lights and headed up to my floor, skipping lunch. Once there, I changed into a pair of black workout pants with a baggy sleeveless shirt and my pair of running shoes.
Grabbing my water bottle and wireless earbuds, I took the elevator down to the gym floor. The gym floor, or, floors rather, were two floors merged together in the middle. All sorts of expensive exercise machines and weight bars, along with punching bags and mats scattered the space. The middle of the floor had ropes that hung from the ceiling of the second floor and had the largest mat. Thankfully we had a multi billionaire that paid for this place, and Stark went all out with it.
I started with stretching, then moved to the punching bags for a bit, then decided on pull ups. I haven’t really been able to take time out of my day to work out, rather the afternoons and mornings.
That was the great thing about being my own boss-My company was my own. I did a little bit of everything, or as I liked to refer to it: Freelance Hacker / Creator.
Yup. I checked servers for weak points and helped people create websites and platforms. Hell, I even took down a few...unsavory websites when I could. I had my own hours that I adapted as I needed. Especially with Lillith, it was easy for me to look after her when we were at home. 
Shit, I need to clean up the space. I remembered. I stayed up late last night making a draft of a site for a client….which I had to make a meeting with tomorrow. 
I drifted off into my thoughts as I ran through my cycle of sit ups, push ups, pull ups, and bench presses. Twenty per each set, five per each round. Damn, when was the last time I took a self care day? I let my brain sort out ideas and organize my thoughts for a few more minutes before focusing on what I was doing. I finished two rounds before heading over to the left wall and grabbing a pair of heavy chains.
Natasha and Wanda were sparring, with Natasha pushing Wanda back with offensive moves. Hand-to-hand combat wasn’t Maximoff’s strong point, but after insisting from both Strange and I that there might be a point where she would need to use physical combat despite her showing practically limitless magical abilities, she started. 
First it was with both Strange and I, with my abilities making me a bit more resilient to her magic and Strange being….strange. Then her and Natasha started sparring when my long days turned into longer nights, and I’m fairly certain Barnes is taking some part in the cycle. 
I finally watched Wanda get a solid hit on Nat’s torso in, and the assassin didn’t even flinch as she swept Wanda’s legs out from under her. The redhead was panting heavily, her hair tied back in a short ponytail with some hair framing her face. Wearing a black t-shirt and some black leggings, and black tennis shoes (Not going to lie, black looked really good on her). I tore my gaze away, albeit with some difficulty as I turned the mental list of tasks into a digital one on my phone.
After doing that and sipping some water, I used the hem of my shirt to wipe away the sweat on my forehead. Deciding to forego the shirt entirely I peeled it off and tossed it next to my water bottle. Draping the chains over my shoulders and grabbing the bar, I pulled myself up. 
First few rounds of ten were easy, but the added weight of the chains (about twenty pounds, if the labels were correct for each) soon slowed me down. Which was fine, it had my arms and shoulders using more effort than usual. I looked up and was surprised to see both Natasha and Wanda looking at me. Both girls were by the water fountain, Wanda holding her water bottle and phone, and Natasha sipping hers with a towel over one shoulder. If it wasn’t the fact that they both were working out, I would swear that Natasha’s face was red. I could feel the sweat dripping down my chest and stomach, and was eternally grateful for the serum that kept me at a decent four pack.
I winked, and Natasha choked on her water. Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, she cleared her throat and headed towards me. Wanda stayed there, and started scrolling on her phone again.
She practically sauntered over, and my face slipped into a grin as she stopped right in front of me. Not bothering to pause, I kept going, making sure to keep my chin above the bar when I went up.
She stopped and crossed her arms, smirking at me. I returned her smirk, along with “Anything I can help you with, Ma’am?”
She grinned, before walking straight in front of me. She stopped, not even a half a foot away as I was about to pull myself up again. She gently ran her fingers along the chain of my dog tags, and tugged them out of my sports bra. I kept them in there so they wouldn’t make noise and so I had them close to my heart. 
There were three tags in all on there, two of them being mine. She held the third up to read it and I stayed still, almost stiff as she smiled softly. It was my wife’s tag. 
She let the tags fall back onto my chest and pulled them straight, and as she let go she gently, almost ghosted, her hand over my stomach. I stiffened more, and then dropped from the bar. She backed away a bit as I took the chains off and returned them to their spot on the wall, then as I wiped away the sweat on my face with my discarded shirt.
“I think….” She started as I opened my water bottle. Facing her, I gestured for her to continue. “That is something that is honorable. There’s no other word to say it, but it is. It’s out of love and respect, yes?” She questioned, pointing to the tags. I nodded, setting my water bottle down.
“Hey, do you want to come pick up Lillith from school with me?” I asked her, throwing my shirt over my shoulder and grabbing my water bottle. I checked the time on my phone and tucked it in my pocket. 
“Sure. Can we get coffee?” She said as she walked besides me to the elevators. I selected both of our designated floors as we got in, and we started chatting about my little human. 
Her floor was first, and with a wave and a “I’ll see you in the garage in fifteen minutes” she got off and headed towards wherever her room was. 
I ran a hand through my hair, tugging it out of its ponytail as the elevator stopped at my floor. Getting off, I headed towards my room. Grabbing a pair of black jeans, a black shirt and some new undergarments, I quickly took a shower. Brushed my hair, teeth, and decided on a bit of eyeliner and mascara for the rest of the day. Pulled on some boots and grabbed my black leather jacket, making sure I had everything I needed for heading out. Finally, I grabbed my silver aviators and headed downstairs, before almost tripping over the shoes that littered the front entryway. Damn, my entire floor needed to be cleaned. 
I met Natasha by my car, wearing a white, loose sleeveless tank top and leggings. Along with sneakers. Her hair was damp and down, and she had a black duffle bag over her shoulder.
“Where are we going?” I questioned as I popped the trunk to the challenger. 
“I was hoping you could take me to my studio, if that’s alright.” she said as she shut the trunk lid with her duffle in it. 
“Yeah, that’s no biggie. Coffee first?” I asked, starting the car. 
“Please.” She sighed as she leaned her head against the seats. I smiled and pulled up to the open street. 
We got our iced coffees and I made sure to get a frappuccino and cookie for Lillith, and I drove towards where Natasha said her studio was. 
“I’ll just be about forty minutes. I need to get some stuff done and it might be a bit.” She said as she leaned in the car door frame, her duffle over one shoulder and a hand on the car door.
“That’s fine. I’m going to go pick up Lillith and then I’ll drive back here. Is that alright?” I asked, looking at the redhead. She smiled and nodded, shutting the car door.
I picked up Lillith from school, who excitedly told me that she made not one, but four new friends in her class. Her happy shriek had me laughing as I gave her the frappuccino and cookie. “I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!” She yelled as she grabbed said drink from my hand. 
“Careful with it please.” I chucked as she quickly sipped on it. She hummed in response, staring out the window.
I shook my head and shifted the car into drive and headed downtown. Not even halfway there, and already….
“Mom I have to go pee” Lillith said, scrunching her nose and the bag the cookie came in.
“Okay. We’re almost there to pick up Natasha and then we can go inside and you can go pee.” I replied as I turned another corner.
I had no idea if her studio had a bathroom, but I had the idea that my toddler couldn’t hold it very long. That girl drank more water than I did, and that was saying something. 
We pulled up and immediately she was getting unbuckled and wiggling her way out of the car. I got out and tucked my keys in my pocket, and helped her out of the car.
I gently kicked the door shut and led Lillith through the doors with a hand on her back, and followed the signs to where the bathroom is. Other than the fact that this place looked completely deserted, it was nice. 
No outstanding decorations, and there was little furniture. An old cork board held flyers and photos of various ballet dancers and activities. I paused at that, remembering what Nat had said that one night.
I dance. 
After having Lillith wash her hands (Which she complained about, but did anyway) we walked around until I found a half wall, half window point.
Lillith was short enough to where she couldn’t see in, but thankfully I wasn’t. It must’ve been a two way mirror, judging by the same pattern around the walls. A set of hip bars in the middle on a hardwood floor, and one of the most beautiful women lightly dancing to music I couldn’t hear.
My grip tightened on Lillith as I took in the sight before me.  Natasha was wearing a black leotard with black tights, and the thing that caught my attention was the shoes. Pink, with the ribbon wrapping around her ankles. The way she moved reminded me of all of the ballet shows I went to in school when I was a kid. There was something majestic about how she moved, how delicate she seemed.
Of course, it was Natasha Romanoff. She may appear delicate, but she’s the complete opposite. 
She turned on her heel and bowed down to the floor, hands barely brushing the wood. She went up, arms gracefully moving out in a way that kept my focus on her. That was, until Lillith yelled at her. 
“HI NATASHA!” She yelled, jumping up and down and aggressively waving at said women. Natasha didn’t start, rather smiled at the small child and waved. 
I facepalmed, dragging my hand down my face as I tried to fight down the flushing of my face.
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eemamminy-art · 3 months
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Rambly story thoughts about my other wol, F'lihn!! She's not in the same universe as Leigh, so in her story Leigh is probably just like.. a normal guy in Ul'dah lol. But I had some new ideas about her recently and today thought of adding another one of my OCs to her story so I wanted to talk about it!!
First of all, I changed her look ever so slightly the last few times I drew her:
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Pictured with Glassi in this first one 🥰 I had been waffling for a while on whether she just bound her chest or had surgery, and ultimately I decided it made the most sense for her to at some point in her story have surgery. A big part of her background is that she is running from her past and afraid to let others know that she's a woman, so she presents as a man to most people she meets but doesn't identify as such in private. I thought the leaf tattoos would be nice because it ties into purple as her overall color scheme, and also her tribe is from a Garlean occupied territory so I thought of the Roman motifs using leaves as like a nice way to kind of.. reclaim her homeland by putting flora from it on her body.
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Here, I opted to give her a different nose and make her hair even curlier, and you'll notice I gave her a Garlean third eye as well. Which leads into the next thing...
In my initial draft of her story, she was just pressured to conform and mate per usual sun seeker tribal lore and that was her reason for leaving her tribe, but I felt like something about it didn't quite sit right with me. Like it felt a little too upsetting for me personally and kind of disingenuous for the way seeker lore works out in practice.
Not that it's any less dark what I decided on... 🥲 but basically, I had an idea that her tribe was being subjected to experimentation by the young Prince Varis. His grandfather may have invented magitek, but Varis was seeking genetic modifications to try and create a way for Garleans to harness magic. F'lihn's mother was one of the test subjects, with the intention of F'lihn coming out as a magical garlean but instead she was born a very magically apt but otherwise normal miqo'te-- save for the third eye which normally was only in full blooded garleans. So the experiment was regarded a failure, Varis was pulled away by the emperor for other matters, and F'lihn was left to grow up with her tribe as some sort of abomination-- half garlean, half miqo'te.
It made her an outcast in her tribe, it made her hate herself at first, then as she grew older she directed that hate toward Garlemald and the future emperor instead. Her echo awoke when she had a premonition of her becoming the next subject for experimentation and she got the fuck out of there, never looking back and changing her entire identity.
She traveled for a while through Garlean territories until reaching Kugane, then from there secured travel to Limsa Lominsa. There, she began ARR as the warrior of light, and also she would soon meet her gf, a failing but stubborn ship captain named Glazisil-- Glassi to her mates.
Glassi was my first OC in ffxiv but she never ever felt like a proper warrior of light. She's not very bright, she's loud, she's brash, but by gods is she loyal and stubborn!! She had been trying to follow in her father's footsteps ever since she inherited his ship, but Limsa is different than it was in her father's youth, and between the red tape around piracy, her own inexperience, and her inability to wrangle her crew all into one place long enough for them to have any amount of success, she's been floundering and just barely making by up until she meets F'lihn. She's totally awestruck and enamored the first time they meet, and she's the first person F'lihn ever really gets close to. Think of her like a golden retriever in the body of a pitbull, with a bad habit for swearing and drinking. (I wrote about them once for ffxiv write-- their first meeting, centered around her and her crew making bets after not being able to discern F'lihn's gender at first glance)
F'lihn would've begun her journey as an archer I think, trained to hunt like most miqo'te women even despite being the black sheep of her tribe. In Limsa she would discover arcane magic, and learn just how much magical ability she truly had in spite of being half garlean. Which would eventually lead to her becoming a scholar, but I'll need to work out details of just how that happens :3
It also gives me a fun dynamic to explore for her when eventually meeting Zenos, since they would share a father and have their connection spark due to that. Zenos obsessing over the sibling he never knew he had, you know? It makes it so much more complicated for her too, that she hates this place and these people with every fiber of her being but that there's reminders like this that she's connected to them in an inescapable way. And that she seeks ways to reclaim her own body like the body modification stuff I mentioned above, to try and deal with it!!
Onto the new thought I had today:
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This is Aya, she's another OC I made who I ended up not doing anything with after I made her... but I had it in my head that her being absolutely huge despite being a female au ra was due to some sort of garlean experimentation as well.
So what I thought of today, was that she was kidnapped from sui-no-sato as a child (to kind of compound their reasons for being so isolationist) and taken to garlemald after the occupation of Doma, and then was experimented on to make her grow tall and muscular like that. They wanted her to be a super soldier but they underestimated how resilient she is, and one day she was able to break free and flee the capital. She's a gunbreaker, so I want to think she fled through Bozja and picked that up there, and eventually made her way to Eorzea.
Given they have a similar history and similar hatred for the garlean empire, I thought Aya and F'lihn would get along really well and become fast friends!! Another addition to the wol's entourage.
At this rate F'lihn is just gonna be surrounded by giant women... 😂 which I'm very okay with (and so is she lmao)
Slowly I'm developing this alternate wol storyline and I'm enjoying it!!! Much as I've built up Leigh and he's forever going to be who I consider my main wol, I really love all I've thought of so far for F'lihn and Glassi's story :3 I kind of had some hopes to draw the two of them for oc kiss week but I'm quickly running out of time, so we will see if I pull some things together last minute haha
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spookiserenity · 1 year
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Hello I am experiencing Financial Troubles. Here’s my stuff.
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These are my traditional fully-done works, they come to about $40 per (for pieces like these.)
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These are traditional semi-colored works, they come closer to $25.
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These are traditional sketchworks. They can range from $3-$10, with the top left being representative of $3, and the right being representative of $10.
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These are traditional paintings. They depend almost entirely on the palette and subject, but expect them to reach or expand over $70.
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These are digital posterlikes, they can range between $20-$70, with the left being representative of $20, and the right being representative of $70.
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This is digital referencework, and usually lands around $20.
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This is digital full-body single-character work. It can range from $30-$40, depending on complexity.
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This is digital iconwork, which boasts a severe lack of modern examples. prices can range from $15-$25 depending on customization.
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This is experimental digital chibi work, and is usually the price of another category, just in a different style.
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This is digital variety, a category based upon sending me an amount of at least $8, and you being dealt whatever I decided to do with the specifications provided.
All prices are in USD, I will provide payment information privately, though I live in the US.
Traditional works have the option of sending the original copy to the commissioner, but at a very high price.
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sugarcherriess · 2 years
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🌷 16:09
Warnings - Somnophilia, anal, Hj kissing reader’s butthole bc im romantic like that, everything is consensual.
Event Masterlist
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Shuffling of feet is the only sound heard in the soft silence of the room while you sleep peacefully under the covers— until your boyfriend’s sneaky hands pull them off of you. The duvet rustles in his hold as he tries his best to control his excitement of finally finding you asleep.
Finally getting to experiment on a kink you had been discussing for weeks prior.
A tiny accidental giggle of elation from him makes you stir in your place and Hyunjae stills in his own; nervous hands still grabbing onto the covers. Yet, when you shift and go stationary again, the happiness returns.
He takes gentle precautions while undressing you so he doesn't end up startling you awake. After a prayer of thanks to any god that may be listening for you not wearing much to bed, he directs his focus towards the next task at hand: bending you on the bed.
With a grin, Hyunjae begins to move you to a position of his liking… and easy access.
Once you’re twisted to your front on the bed, head turned to the side, Hyunjae takes his pillow and pushes it under your hips. This gives him the freedom to truly use you for his own pleasure without injuring your delicate body.
Regardless of the awareness that this act has been consented upon by both of you in your sober states, Hyunjae’s hands shake at the realization that he’s basically about to defile your unaware body in the dead of the night. Fear and arousal work parallel to each other as his dick twitches in his sweats at the same time his heart palpitates a thousand beats per minute.
However, he overcomes his hesitation in record time; focusing mostly on the exhilarating aspect of this entire affair.
Trembling hands pull your supple thighs apart and he marvels at the treasure hidden between. Hyunjae brings his thumb to his lips, lightly wetting the pad before bringing it to your cunt. The joint leaves a trail of spit after it as he pushes it in the slit of your folds, letting your hot skin glisten after its passing.
For a better view, Hyunjae has to palm your ass cheek to pull it away from the other. The action makes you unintentionally clench your butt in your slumber and catches his attention.
It should be embarrassing how quickly Hyunjae moves on from your fluttering cunt in favor of your puckering hole.
Hyunjae bends over you, reaching for the dresser and hurriedly picks out a bottle of lube. Squeezing it out and warming it in his hands is easy, getting his fingers to stretch your hole is the hard part. Nevertheless, your boyfriend begins his ambitious journey of opening you up. Having done this often, Hyunjae remembers the entire routine like the back of his hand.
The same thumb that was previously kissing your cunt now circles around your taut rim. After spreading ample amounts of lube there, it wiggles its way inside your pulsing hole. A few experimental pumps later, Hyunjae retracts his thumb to make way for his fingers. Having full faith in your abilities, he pushes three fingers inside your ass at once. You don’t even do so much as readjust your head on your pillow.
Considering your immobility thus far as a greenlight, Hyunjae scissors and curls his fingers inside your flexible walls to create space for his cock. He adds a few more dollops of lube around his fingers as a precaution and the addition amplifies the squelching sounds dominating the room. Overcome by his mixed emotions, Hyunjae bends down to leave a sweet kiss at the jutt of your ass.
And then his thumbs are spreading your asscheeks open at the base so he can leave a sloppy kiss right on top of your rapidly clenching hole.
Drunk on exhilaration, he doesn’t take the time he usually does to prep you. Soon, his cock head presses against your hole. Once the tip is inside you, Hyunjae uses both of his hands to spread your cheeks and push the rest of his length inside you. And just like that, as quick as they had entered, Hyunjae’s fingers are replaced by his heavy cock.
An uncharacteristically loud moan breaks its way out of mouth as your heated walls envelope him. As soon as his thighs were flush against yours, a strangled mewl frees from your tender lips. Hyunjae sits unmoving on his knees for a few moments, then bends his face next to yours to see if you’ve woken up. However, only short, steady puffs of air travel from your lips to his cheeks.
Satisfied by your unconscious state, Hyunjae straightens up to his original position between your spread legs. His eyes fall on the sight of your hole swallowing up his cock. A rosy blush blooms on Hyunjae’s face, even though you’ve dabbled in anal quite many times before.
“I got you baby,” he whispers to your sleeping figure before starting to fuck into you.
His patience dwindles by the second and Hyunjae starts thrusting into you faster and harder. Yet your body sleeps through all the jostling and shoving. The slapping of skin drowns the room as Hyunjae pants into your back.
Your hole clenches again and Hyunjae silently curses, moving slightly to shove his face on your shoulder.
“Oh my god you’re so tight like this,” he whispers into your neck.
Digging the heels of his palms on the bed, Hyunjae begins a punishing pace, uncaring of you possibly waking up.
He pants and groans on top of you, also disregarding the fear of his increasing volume. He slips and slides inside you with ease, as if your body is pulling him in to fill every space inside of you. Rocking his body punishingly over you, Hyunjae holds his breath as he teeters near a blinding orgasm.
For a moment he wishes he was fucking your cunt instead, but the thought escapes his head when you stir on the bed and try to close your legs. Your casual movement ended up putting more pressure on his cock and Hyunjae cries out because of the multiplied ecstasy.
“Jaehyun?” you slur drowsily, still very much asleep.
Black dots take over his vision as soon as Hyunjae hears you call out his name. Your voice sounds so unusually timid in your sleepy demeanor and that paired with your pliant body in his total control makes Hyunjae’s entire body lock up at the self-conducted insinuation that he’s corrupting his innocent little angel.
With a soft cry, Hyunjae all but pulls you down on his cock with his hands gripping your waist, forcing his way deep inside of you and spilling his seed there. Not that it would matter to your sleeping stature, still he apologises to you for the mess and kisses your shoulder to sooth your body. He’s amazed at how you've managed to wake up and fall back asleep with him being so unmindful of your slumber.
Later on when you wake up, you’ll tell him that it's because having him as a boyfriend tires you out as much as having to take care of a toddler experiencing a sugar high tires a person out. And then he’ll pout because “I’m not a toddler!” and ask for an “apology kiss”... you know… like a toddler.
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A/N - This is def more than 1k words but we shmoov
Taglist - @chewryy @parkhonnie @from-xero @maybeifyoutrieddd @renjun-holic @heednpy @ilovechanhee @asmigirme @Woowooju
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thisaintascenereviews · 2 months
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Top 20 Favorite Albums Of All Time: 2024 Edition
Ranking the best albums of all time is really hard, because there are thousands of albums out there, and you maybe haven’t heard a lot of those albums you’d love. I’ve been a music fan for the last 17 years, give or take, and I’ve listened to tons of albums, but one thing I don’t usually do is make ranked best of lists of albums I personally love. I like doing yearend lists, because that’s only the single year, not of all time. I’ve only done a best of all time ranking once, and that was maybe a decade ago, but in the span of that time, my taste has changed. I thought it would be interesting to take a look at my favorite albums of all time. It took awhile, but over the last few years, my taste has changed a lot. It’s going to, as that’s how tastes work. I’ve always thought of tastes in media are fluid, and not finite, because you can have different opinions at different points in time. With that said, some albums I used to absolutely revere aren’t always I love that much anymore, so if you’re wondering where something is, it’s probably that I still really love it, but not that much. I do have a handful of honorable mentions, and some of these albums are ones that I used to really love, and while I may still love them, they didn’t make the cut. I did have one rule, however, when I made this list: only two albums per band / artist on the main list. That’s because I love multiple albums from a lot of these bands and artists, so I only limited myself to two albums from any artist, but the honorable mentions might have an album that didn’t make the cut. They aren’t in any order, either, but let’s start with the honorable mentions, starting with…
Beastie Boys - Licensed To Ill
A lot of the albums on the entire list mean something to me, whether it’s the first album in a genre I discovered, or an album that I have a lot of nostalgia for, and Beastie Boys’ debut, Licensed To Ill is one of those, for sure. This is one of the first hip-hop albums I listened to, at least a few years after dipping my toes into the genre, and Beastie Boys blew my mind with their brand of hip-hop meets metal and punk, especially with Slayer’s Kerry King having a guest spot on their debut. Truthfully, their later albums are better, but I have a soft spot for their debut, because it’s so much fun and scrappy. For one of the first rap albums I ever listened to, I love it.
Childish Gambino - Because The Internet
Speaking of hip-hop, I don’t want to spoil too much of what you’ll see later, but Childish Gambino (otherwise known as Donald Glover) is the first rapper I ever listened to. I have another album of his on the list, but his sophomore album (not counting mixtapes), 2013’s Because The Internet, is a fun and experimental romp through hip-hop, R&B, pop, psychedelic, and electronic music. It’s got some of my favorite songs of his, but it’s also a really interesting and unique album that still doesn’t quite sound like anything I’ve ever heard.
Van Halen - S/T
Hard-rock band Van Halen is one of my favorite bands, and their 1978 self-titled debut is one of the best hard-rock albums ever made. This is the album that introduced people to both David Lee Roth, and Eddie Van Halen (may he rest in power). This isn’t anything necessarily unique, but it’s one hell of a record with some great riffs, solos, and hooks.
Black Sabbath - Paranoid
Arguably the first metal band, Black Sabbath’s debut album, 1970’s Paranoid, is also considered to be the first true heavy metal album, and it rules. It’s got a couple of their most beloved and well known songs, but it’s the album that first showcased heavy metal as its own sound, versus being bluesy hard-rock. This album was one of the first traditional heavy metal album albums that I listened to, and showed me that a lot of classic metal albums have merit to them.
Miles Davis - Kind Of Blue
I’ve become a jazz fan over the last few years, at least more than I used to be, and one of my favorite jazz records, as well as the first jazz record I ever listened to, is Miles Davis’ magnum opus, 1959’s Kind Of Blue. This is such a dynamic and interesting little jazz album that took the genre into new and unexplored territories, especially with Miles Davis already being an influential band leader by that point.
Dio - Holy Diver
Along with Black Sabbath’s Paranoid, Dio’s - 1983 debut album, Holy Diver, is one of my favorite traditional heavy metal albums that got me into that style. Dio, the band, is made up of the 1980 - 1982 lineup of Black Sabbath, sans Tony Iommi, but one could also argue that Holy Diver was an influence on power metal. Ronnie James Dio isn’t only one of the best and most expressive metal vocalists, his sense of lyricism was more based on Lord Of The Rings and fantasy, versus the typical cliches of rock and metal at the time. This album is really catchy, fun, anthemic, and larger than life, but that was Dio in a nutshell.
Metallica - Ride The Lightning
Ah, Metallica, you know they’d be here, but this is one of the exceptions to my “two album rule,” as I have three albums from this legendary and iconic band on the list, although only two on the actual list, so I kept one here. That album is 1984’s Ride The Lightning. This is their second album, where they honed their sound a bit, but this isn’t the first album from them I listened to, nor is it quite my favorite, although this album is legendary, and for good reason.
The Beatles - Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band
A decade ago, The Beatles were easily my favorite band. I went through a whole couple of years where they were all I listened to, and truth be told, 1967’s Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, is still a great album, and it’s one of my favorites, but I haven’t gone back to it as much in recent years. Maybe I’m just burnt out on them, or my taste has changed, but this isn’t quite my all time favorite. I still love this album, and it’s a wonderful rock album, being a monumental album both for the genre and for its time.
Fleetwood Mac - Rumours
Arguably the best pop / pop-rock album of all time, you know Fleetwood Mac’s 1977 masterpiece Rumours had to be here. This album is a lightning in a bottle kind of album that could only have been made under the right set of circumstances. If just one small thing was off, who knows what this album would have sounded like? This is the best example of a breakup album that’s written by both parties of the breakup, let alone writing songs about each other and singing on each others’ songs. Talk about awkward, but that awkwardness makes for some of the best music ever made.
Spiritbox - Eternal Blue
This is the most recent album on my list, but I’ve gone on record as saying that Spiritbox’s debut album, 2021’s Eternal Blue, is one of my new all time favorite albums. It was my favorite album of 2021, and it’s one of the best albums of the 2020s so far. This band mixes alt-metal, djent, metalcore, progressive metal, and even pop and electronic sounds to make for a very fun, catchy, accessible, and palatable sound that is only getting better, especially with their newest EP from last year.
Okay, it’s time for my top 20 favorite albums of all time, so here we go!
20: Justin Timberlake - The 20/20 Experience
One of my all time favorite solo artists is pop and R&B singer Justin Timberlake, and I’ll go into more detail later, but his 2013 comeback album, The 20/20 Experience, is one of my favorite pop and R&B albums. I’m gonna cheat and just point you to the direction of the ten-year retrospective I wrote last year, because I go into a lot more detail than I could here.
19: Paramore - Riot
A huge congratulations is needed for Paramore in their Grammy wins last week, but the first album from them I ever heard is 2007’s Riot, and it’s also one of my favorite albums from the MySpace / scene era. It’s held up surprisingly well, but it’s such a catchy, energetic, and rambunctious pop-punk album that only began to show how talented that band really was (and frankly still is).
18: Bruce Springsteen - Born In The USA
You can’t have an all time favorite albums list without The Boss himself, Bruce Springsteen. At least my list, anyway, because I love me some Springsteen, but my favorite Springsteen album will always be 1984’s Born In The USA. Something about his gruff vocals paired with shimmering and catchy pop-tinged instrumentation is so good, but some of these songs are among his most iconic.
17: Sam Cooke - The Best Of Sam Cooke
I’ve come to love a lot of music from the 1940s and 1950s, and Sam Cooke is my favorite singer of that era, especially with his 1962 greatest hits album. I first listened to Sam Cooke in the movie Hitch, and it took me a long time to figure out who it was, but I absolutely love his work. His voice is among the best of all time, and that greatest hits is such a short but sweet collection of the best of the best.
16: Judas Priest - Screaming For vengeance
Judas Priest is among my favorite bands, and their 1982 album, Screaming For Vengeance, is the first album I ever listened to from them back maybe a decade ago. This is where the band went from a bluesy hard-rock / metal sound to a faster and more energetic sound, more akin to speed metal from that era, but that’s not to say that their earlier material isn’t good, either. Screaming For Vengeance is one of my favorite Priest albums, and for a long, it was my favorite of their albums, at least until I heard another one (which we’ll talk about soon enough).
15: The Gaslight Anthem - Handwritten
Handwritten, the 2012 album from The Gaslight Anthem, is one of my favorite rock albums, but this wasn’t the first album I listened to from them. That would be 2010’s American Slang, and while I enjoyed that album a lot, their foray into classic rock with Handwritten, just resonated a lot more. Brian Fallon and company sound great on this album, and it’s still my favorite album from these guys. Despite releasing one more album in 2014 before going on hiatus until releasing a comeback album last year, which was ultimately disappointing, nothing tops this album for me.
14: U2 - The Best Of 1980 - 1990
Like with Justin Timberlake’s The 20/20 Experience, I’m going to cheat a bit by saying check out my piece on U2, and how I’ve grown to love this band, but their first greatest hits album is an utterly killer album. Out of everything here, this is the most “recent” discovery I’ve made, but I truly do love U2, and this greatest hits album.
13: Metallica - The Black Album
Oh yeah, The Black Album, now we’re talking. I absolutely love this record. Metallica’s most accessible album, and depending on who you talk to, it’s either one of their best or worst albums, but this is where the band really honed in on their penchant for good hooks. This is their catchiest album, but it’s still heavy. Some of these riffs are downright nasty, and it features some of their best solos to date.
12: Fall Out Boy - Folie A Deux
It’s no secret Fall Out Boy is my favorite band, so it would make sense that 2008’s Folie A Deux is one of my favorite albums of all time. This is their catchiest and most accessible, but like with The Black Album, it has some of their best hooks and also some of my favorite Fall Out Boy lyrics. This album deals a lot with their newfound time after their last album came out, and it’s got a lot of biting social satire and commentary, but it’s also just a damn good time.
11: Judas Priest - Painkiller
Judas Priest became a full blown speed metal / thrash metal band in 1990 with Painkiller, and this was their last album Rob Halford until the 00s, but this is a monster of a record. It’s the best Judas Priest album by far, and easily my favorite, but for good reason. Sometimes all you need is a kickass album, and that’s what this is.
10: Guns ‘N Roses - Appetite For Destruction
Top ten time, and first up, is Guns ‘N Roses’ debut, 1987’s Appetite For Destruction, and this is another kickass album, but it rides the line between being hard rock and metal. You can call GNR a metal band, because this album leans very much into that territory, especially with how popular hair metal was at the time. Hair metal was at its prime in 1987, and this album is among the best of that sound, or at least, very close to it. Axl Rose and Slash are one of the best duos in hard rock and metal for good reason.
9: AC/DC - Back In Black
In the beginning of the same decade, AC/DC released the massive Back In Black, and this record is one of the first hard rock albums I ever heard, as well as “classic rock,” and this album will always have a place in my heart. I don’t listen to this album much anymore, because I’ve already played it a thousand times, but every time I dust this album off, so to speak, I think to when I was 12 or 13, listening to this album for the first time.
8: Iron Maiden - The Number Of The Beast
You know I had to put some Iron Maiden here, and of course, I went with 1982’s The Number Of The Beast. This is the quintessential Iron Maiden album, as well as a quintessential heavy metal album (especially from the 1980s). I feel like a lot has been said about this album already, and I’ve talked about it a lot over the years, so I don’t need to say much else other than this album rules.
7: Justin Timberlake - FutureSex / LoveSounds
Justin Timberlake is back, folks, and this time with 2006’s FutureSex / LoveSounds. This was one of the first pop albums I ever listened to, especially after randomly picking it up at FYE one day back in 2012. I was wanting to get out of my comfort zone, and I had always heard great thing about this album, all of which are founded in truth. This record is one of the best pop albums I’ve ever heard, and there’s only one that surpasses it, but we’ll talk about that in a second. This is JT at the top of his game, whether it’s the production, the vocals, or even a lot of the lyrics, this is an iconic album for a reason.
6: Eagles - Their Greatest Hits / Vol 2
I’m a huge fan of the Eagles, and instead of putting their first greatest hits album from 1975, I decided to cheat and put both that and their 1980 second one. Both greatest hits albums have some of my favorite songs from them, but they feel like two halves of a whole. You can’t have one without the other, but if you want some great harmonies, lyricism, vocals, and just the whole package of a band that first started as a country / folk-rock band and turned into one of the highest selling and most influential arena-rock bands, you can’t go wrong with these albums.
5: Childish Gambino - Camp
Childish Gambino’s debut, 2011’s Camp is the first rap album I ever heard, and it’s also one of my all time favorite albums, even today. This record showed me that hip-hop could be emotional, interesting, introspective, and was more than what the mainstream perpetuated. I’ve come around on the genre tenfold, but back then, I was just getting into other styles of music, and I was a fan of Donald Glover already, thanks to Community, and this record blew my mind when I first heard it. I think it holds up quite well today, too, but I plan on writing a piece on this, so I’m gonna save a lot of my thoughts for that, but I love this record a lot.
4: Van Halen - 1984
Hell yeah, brother, 1984 by Van Halen. This is a great album, and it turns 40 this year, although I believed it just did, actually. I talked about their self-titled debut earlier, but their 1984 LP of the same name is my favorite album of theirs. Songs like “Jump, “Top Jimmy,” and “Hot For Teacher” are god tier 80s rock and metal songs. This album is also really awesome for featuring synth, especially at a time when synths were becoming more popular, but not for rock music. Van Halen made it work, and 1984 is one of the best albums of all time.
3: Metallica - Master Of Puppets
A couple of years ago, I made a list ranking the first five Metallica albums, and I put 1983’s Kill ‘Em All as my number one, but I’d like to change my ranking a bit here, and put 1986’s Master Of Puppets as my number one, although I do still love their debut, and I go back to it quite a bit, it’s not their best album, or even my personal favorite anymore, but Master Of Puppets isn’t only my favorite Metallica album, it’s also the first album from these guys I listened to. I guess you could say this was the first thrash album I listened to, but metal in general doesn’t get any better than Master Of Puppets.
2: Fall Out Boy - Infinity On High
You know, I’ve said for the longest time that my favorite album of all time is Fall Out Boy’s Infinity On High, and I suppose you can say that the final (and top) two albums are interchangeable, but I’ve been thinking about what album is truly my number one. It depends on the day which one would really be my favorite, but with that said, these final two albums are two of the most influential albums on me personally. Fall Out Boy’s Infinity On High is the first album I ever got into, back when I was a wee lad, and only discovering music for the first time, so this album has a history with me. I just wrote extensively about this album on its anniversary a few days ago, so check that out for some more context on this album.
1: Michael Jackson - Thriller
Michael Jackson’s 1982 juggernaut Thriller is a GOATed album. Let’s not mince words here. I saw a clip of Donald Glover being interviewed by his costar from Mr. And Mrs. Smith about what album is considered the GOAT and he said Thriller. I’ve been thinking about that, and the more I keep saying to myself that’s true. This album is the first pop album I ever listened to, because I wanted to get out of my comfort zone of being into rock and metalcore, like I was at the time, so I remember seeing a copy of Thriller and I decided to grab it. Little did I know that album would blow my mind to smithereens, whether it was for its production or its vocals. I had only known Michael Jackson from the tabloids, especially before he passed, and didn’t understand how important and influential his music was, but knowing that history and context, this album is the highest selling album of all time for good reason.
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Week 2 Blog Post by Grant Montoya
À bout de soufflé (Breathless) 1960
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Breathless is a critically acclaimed New-Wave French film that was released in 1960. The impact it had on the filmmaking world was monumental; its many hallmarks include experimental cinematography methods, abrasive humor, stylized visuals, and the introduction of jump-cuts to name a few. It influenced the way Hollywood would produce movies in the coming decade. Roger Ebert is even credited with stating that “Modern movies begin here, with Jean-Luc Godard's "Breathless" in 1960.” 
Jean-Luc Godard was the director of the film who received substantial help in post-production from another director by the name of Jean-Pierre Melville. The movie had an estimated budget of $90,000 and had earnings of about $590,112. The movie didn’t have a big launch, but soon after people recognized its brilliance. Despite this being the first feature film of Godard’s career, the focus was to make something different. The 400 Blows (1959) directed by François Truffaut came out a year before Godard’s. These two films are usually regarded as the “best” of the French New Wave era.
As mentioned, film buffs' favorite critic Roger Ebert has made it known that this is one of the most important movies of all time. continuing his quote from earlier:
"It is dutifully repeated that Godard's technique of "jump cuts" is the great breakthrough, but startling as they were, they were actually an afterthought, and what is most revolutionary about the movie is its headlong pacing, its cool detachment, its dismissal of authority, and the way its narcissistic young heroes are obsessed with themselves and oblivious to the larger society." - Roger Ebert
Although I have only viewed the film once, I wholeheartedly agree with his words here. I may be wrong, but I feel that the movie could be considered slightly postmodernist because it recognizes itself by means of self-referentiality and relativism. I think this is what Ebert was hinting at here.
At the time of this film's production, France was enduring an economic recession from the devastating effects of World War II. According to freelance writer Ted Mills,
"Although there wasn’t a lot of money floating around, there was still enough to make short films[...]The film was shot on a handheld camera, by Raoul Cotard, who had used such a camera in the war for newsreels[...]Godard turned his brain inside-out, like emptying a bag across a table: all his cultural obsessions, not just in cinema, but in writers, philosophers, music, and more, all came out." - Ted Mills
It seems like this turbulent time was beneficial for Godard. Perhaps the ordeal of the war invigorated him, or the lack of funds available gave him an excuse to truly unleash his artistic spirit because nothing was really at stake.
Trying to put this film in place as conventional or unconventional is a difficult task. It could be considered unconventional in its production, for sure. $90,000 isn't much of a budget at all for that time period and the actors weren't too well known before the making.
On the other hand, many of the creative choices might be too much for a general audience to digest. Within the first 5 minutes of the film, there is some crass, self-spoken humor from Belmondo's character which makes one think of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas:
"Little girls hitchhiking!
I'll charge a kiss per mile.
The short one's not bad. Nice thighs.
Yeah, but the other one...
Oh, hell, they're both dogs."
Our protagonist here lacks inhibition throughout the entire movie. It is hard to understand his goals, aspirations, or motives. There is hardly anything for the audience to latch onto besides the doom that awaits him. Very against the grain.
Quote #1
Michel Poiccard : "Why won't you sleep with me?"
Patricia Franchini: "Because I'm trying to find out what it is that I like about you."
These two lines of dialogue from our two main characters aren't anything extraordinary, but because of their simplicity, we are reminded of the motives between these two and their dynamic for most of the movie. Michel is portrayed as a crook who lives in the now; a hedonist who doesn't understand what it means to love. Meanwhile, Patricia is entertained by this swooner but can't seem to understand what Michel's true intentions are or what kind of a man he is.
Quote #2
Michel Poiccard: "If you don't like the sea... or the mountains... or the big city... then get stuffed!"
I could have chosen any one of Michel's many quips for the spot of this quote. Aside from the hit and run on the policeman at the beginning of the film, Michel's commentary is really what keeps the movie chugging along. It's blunt, funny, and very surprising to see in a film as old as this one.
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Image #1 depicts Jean Seberg's character (Patricia Franchini) gazing into the camera, and this shot appears many times throughout the movie. I think this full-face capture is great directing because it burns the actor/character's features into your mind and it offers an intimate way for the audience to connect with the characters. Apparently, this was a time when Godard and other filmmakers focused on the craft of raw cinematography, more so than the pieces of what makes a movie emotionally captivating (plot, dialogue, scores, etc.)
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Image #2 is taken from the apartment scene, a part of the movie that drags on for about 24 minutes where Michel rambles on and Patricia continues prying. This is perhaps the most creative choice the director made in this movie, and it sort of works for it. The still reflects the playful nature of two people who hardly know each other, and stresses the fact that these two aren't fornicating in a setting where it would seem inevitable.
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Drone Technomancy Technomancer (Technomancer Alternate Class Feature)
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(art by ProdigyDuck on DeviantArt)
 Though they cover different areas, the mechanic and the technomancer classes in Starfinder are neighbors conceptually, the former dealing entirely with mainstream technology and physics, while the latter combines science and magic together.
It only makes sense, then, that there would be some cross-discipline learning, and today we’ll be looking at one such example, in the form of a technomancer with a drone!
This is a pretty fun combination, conceptually, as some technomancers might have been inspired by companion-having heroes of the distant past, or they might have an interest in AI research. Heck, some of them might simply enjoy the field of robotics!
Regardless, while they may miss out on certain magical tricks that technomancers get up to, these mystical techies are never without a useful support and ally.
 Like most starfinder alternate class features, this is pretty simple overall, the technomancer gains a drone, which they upgrade over time as if they were a mechanic.
What’s more, when the technomancer gains magical hacks, they can choose to gain certain mechanic tricks instead, specifically those that augment their drone in some way, such as granting an extra modification, transforming the drone into armor, altering and repairing their drone quickly, and overclocking their drone with increasing speed.
A simple enough archetype, but remember the technomancer gives up their spell cache’s magical abilities, including the once per day extra spell and the ability to make a single spell last all day. The benefits can easily match what you’re giving up though, as having a pet drone can be quite useful as a spellcaster. You can take one of the lighter models like hover, stealth, and sage and treat them like a familiar, providing scouting and support, or you could have a protocol drone to help with social situations, or a combat or artillery drone to put a body between you and your foes, or just a big gun to stand next to you and increase your damage output. Also don’t forget that just as your drone supports you, you can support your drone, using various spells to provide control or buffs to it, or additional support in the form of junkbot spells.
 Just like the mechanic, these technomancers can draw upon many different aesthetics when it comes not just to themselves but also their drone. They might be junky machines drawn together from scraps, or they might be cobbled-together messes of wires and servos evoking a very experimental stage of development, or they might be beautiful works of art with fitted casings. Regardless, these drones likely also have an arcane edge to them that mechanic drones do not, such as mystic runes, hybrid components, and the like.
  Fascinated with gravity manipulation but extremely uncomfortable in zero gravity, Dr. Gossika built themselves a flying drone to investigate gravitational anomalies while the copaxi monitors them from without with their technomagical instruments. They themselves have mastered all sorts of gravitational spells as well.
 Black, shiney, and elegant, the drone of drow mercenary leader Ithella adheres to the architectural sensibilities of her people, but what really sets the arachnid machine apart is it’s unique weaponry, a stolen technomagical blade set into the machine’s jaws, which supposedly she stole from a laboratory somewhere.
 Reclusive and misanthropic, the technomage Elcan spends most of his time in his workshop tinkering with machines. He usually leaves the job of manning his storefront to his protocol drone Gold, who sports an affable, if somewhat limited personality.
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llliiinnnaaa · 5 months
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Reprisal | Chapter Seven
coriolanus snow x gaul oc
Summary: Ten years after the Tenth Hunger Games, Coriolanus Snow is under Dr. Volumnia Gaul’s wing as a Gamemaker alongside her niece. Unbeknownst to either of them, they’re both being prepared for a much greater task.
Warning: This story will contain explicit violence against adults and children alike (I mean, it’s Dr. Gaul AND Snow) as well as explicit language, and sexual situations.
***This fic is in no way, shape, or form, me endorsing or co-signing the horrific shit Snow does, nor am I trying to romanticize it. Also, apathy and will be the main driving force of any remnants of a relationship between my OC and Snow’s character. So if you’re interested in something very romantic and fluffy…it’s not gonna be this.
Thank you for reading, I hope you like it!
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   Dr. Gaul announces the case in question, along with the time of the start of its review, and its experimenter, adding, “This review will pertain to the evaluation and grading of the subject’s ability to camouflage successfully, reach an immersion speed of twenty miles per hour successfully, and reach a Terra Firma speed of twenty miles per hour successfully…let us begin.”
Coriolanus studies the landscape twenty feet below them, the large area outside the safety window of the viewing gallery is murky, deep water, with an artificial current, though that’s not what his eyes fall on. 
No. 
It’s yellow eyes, that become more apparent the longer he stares, that seem to be floating along the ground. 
Camouflage, he thinks to himself, just as one of his peers announces, “Right there,” motioning in the general direction. 
Some of them have to crane their necks to notice it.
“Shit,” he hears it whispered, taking in a breath as his tense muscles begin to relax. 
All Minerva is doing is sitting still, instinctively adapting to the color palette of her surroundings. 
Only it’s not just the color, it’s the entire pattern of the mimicked floor of the tropical forest that the arena for this year's Games in. 
After a few moments, an assistant cautiously steps to the lizard, guiding her into the small river using a chunk of meat. She happily obliges, slow and lazy in her steps as the snack is kept above her head. 
Once she hits the water and is rewarded, she propels herself with her spiked tail, disappearing under the water. 
Snow frowns.
How is she going to demonstrate her speed in water?
Then, as if reading his mind, another assistant rolls in a cage into the large enclosure, the walls of it blacked out. 
The room is growing impatient and curious. 
Gasps and small chuckles of amusement sound out when the cage is opened and an Avox is thrown out.
Usually, Avoxes are somewhat sedated if they are to participate, it keeps them cloudy and less likely to fight back…
But this one is wide awake, alert, more than aware. 
Snow leans forward on his seat, watching the tongueless man try to scream, trying to fight the assistants, but they both over power him, throwing him into the opposite end of the river, expertly placed least sixty feet down from where Minerva is dwelling, the spikes of her back still visible peeking through the soft roll of the current.
They step back from the water, the Avox flailing, bringing too much attention to himself.
Coriolanus finds himself jolting back slightly at the sight of those spikes disappearing under the water. 
No one says a word, on the edge of their seats, anticipating Minerva’s strike while her victim wails, splashing and trying to get to the bank. 
In the blink of an eye, he’s under water. 
Blood dyes the bubbling liquid, turning and thrashing with struggle.
Until it stills and the Avox reappears in two halves, innards strung out of him, his legs and abdomen floating in two different directions.
“She didn’t even eat him. She did that for fun .” Someone remarks.
She got to him quick . No one denies that. 
“Gem of Panem.” Is hissed out by one of the women a few rows back, every single Gamemaker nearly panting as another cage is rolled in. 
The final test. 
How fast she can run on land. How quickly she can catch a tribute that’s running from her. 
The cage opens, again, sixty feet from where Minerva is waiting in the water, yellow eyes glistening as a mute woman fights just like her male counterpart had. 
This time, the assistants scramble from the enclosure, shoving at the Avox to keep her away from the door. 
It’s slammed, the woman beating against the door, her screams echoing so loudly that it’s heard crystal clear in the gallery. 
The water shifts.
“I can’t watch, but I can’t look away.” Snow hears Philo mutter. 
That’s the point , Coriolanus thinks.
If the Gamemakers feel this way, surely all of Panem will.
Water hits the bank, Minerva making her way to land to get a glance at her prey. 
She and the Avox make eye contact quickly, the banging at the door ceases, and the woman is gone, darting away from Minerva as fast as she can.
That’s why they’re not sedated. 
She doesn’t stand a chance, Minerva bursting forward. 
Dr. Crane was right. 
She doesn’t tire after some seconds, she doesn’t tire at all.
The lizard reaches the Avox without her breath even getting unsteady despite her unsettling speed as everyone is damn near leaving their seats in anticipation.  
A pin could be heard if one were to drop at this moment. 
This brief, millisecond of silence before the floor shakes with Gamemakers jumping to their feet, a new shrill of excitement and morale bursting in the air around them at the sight of the lizard lunging and snapping the petrified Avox’s body in half with one fucking bite, just as she had done to the male Avox.
They saw the struggle in the water, not realizing it had been as easy to do that much damage…but her attack on land proves that pressure in her bite was stronger than even Tawny had anticipated, and her jumping to do it was a ravenous eagerness that Snow hadn’t expected.
Money goes flying from hands reached up in cheers, as multiple voices repeatedly say, “pay up!” bets having been placed on whether Dr. Tawny Crane would pull this off or not. 
She had. 
And did so very well. 
Snow doesn’t rejoice, or even smile for that matter. 
He doesn’t openly boast and welcome the pats to his shoulders and back with wide arms. 
He takes what’s given to him in passing, but his eyes are focused on the back of Hilarius Heavensbee’s head where he’s still seated, flabbergasted by what just transpired. 
Snow’s hands grab his shoulders, head leaning down to casually state, “ My guy only has one out of three — yet, still managed to kick your guy’s teeth in.”
Tawny’s lizard made Dyess’ killer wasps look like sugar flies, and his heavily engineered poison ivy look like frilly dandelions.
Blue eyes scan the room small slam-full of Gamemakers and apprentices, trying to find Dr. Crane. 
He’d told her to be here early, he wanted her to witness this accomplishment, to see that she’d have a successful case. 
He finds one Crane, utter exasperation blatantly cloaking Dyess’ features where he’s seated a couple of rows behind Snow. 
The sight is all Coriolanus had wanted, all he dreamed of ever since Dr. Gaul had informed her that she would indeed move the time of their case review sooner.
Starting toward the door, Snow shovels through more touching, patting, praise, pretending it doesn’t mean anything to him. 
He’s free and outside in the hallway, glancing around to see if Tawny was present and has kept to herself.
Disappointed to find she, in fact, was not. 
But downstairs, she was still standing in the corner of Dr. Gaul’s lab, keeping back toward the door, heart still hammering in her ears from when she’d heard the shouts from above her moments before, Gamemakers losing their professional decorum as they act like giddy children. 
Based on their reaction, they already know it’s been a success.
Brown eyes look up at the ceiling above her, tears of relief trailing down her face after her Aunt announces, “That concludes our review,” naming off the case number, date, time of review…then in one sentence, Dr. Gaul banishes any self-doubt Tawny had left, looking toward the corner her niece is hiding in behind Volumnia’s peers of highly established Gamemakers that conceal their excitement much better than the greener ones above them. “Conclusion reached on the subject's ability to camouflage: successful. Conclusion reached on the subject’s ability to reach an immersion speed of twenty miles per hour: successful. Conclusion reached on the subject’s ability to reach a speed of twenty miles an hour Terra Firma: successful.” Her aunt announces, looking directly at her as she finishes, “Overall conclusion: successful .” 
A small nod from Dr. Gaul is a silent confirmation that Tawny’s subject will be used in the Games, her niece returning the silent gesture before exiting the lab and rushing upstairs, needing to find Coriolanus. 
She receives the same glory as Snow, when she reaches the hallway upstairs, Gamemakers emptying from the gallery, shoulder pats, “well done,” and “congratulations,” being said every other second by someone new and she repeatedly says, “thank you,” as graciously as she can. 
Platinum hair catches her eye, and he sees her, lips pulling at the corners, only noticed by her. 
He’s proud, she thinks to herself, starting toward him. 
Then, abruptly, Dyess is coming for her, wide smile and arms outstretched. 
She’s relieved at his reaction, having deciding not to tell him about any of this despite him pressing her to. 
He hadn’t even been aware it was getting reviewed as soon as it was until she was getting dressed two hours sooner than she normally would be, accidentally waking him up in the process…then he insisted on coming to work earlier, too, to see it for himself. 
Snow watches as she nearly jumps on her husband, eyes closed with her giant grin, face streaked with tears. 
“You did it!” Dyess exclaims, kissing her before wipe the tear stains off her cheeks while. “It was brilliant, darling, brilliant.” He adds. “You’re brilliant.”
Again, his lips find hers before hugging her tightly.
She opens her eyes in his embrace to see Coriolanus looking at her, his expression now blank and nearly distant, but he says enough without all the faux hoopla her husband carries on:
Snow is proud, she is brilliant, and this eminence is only a small taste of champagne rain shared between them. 
     She waits for him in his office, seated at his desk, fumbling with her wedding ring as she sniffles and wipes the tears of bitterness away from her blue eyes. 
She’d known exactly what case her husband had given Dr. Crane as soon as Philo Marius had described it to her.
Livia had missed the case review due to its last minute expedition, having her own lab to teach with her students. 
A lizard with spikes down its back. 
Vague and certainly not a unique description of any of the past subjects created at the Citadel. 
When he mentioned the lizard's teeth… that was what startled her because she had been the only one to come up with such as that. 
And Tawny Crane had taken it and ran with it, all with Livia’s husband’s stamp of approval. 
No, Tawny hadn’t taken it. It had been given to her. 
Handed off. 
The door opens, Coriolanus taking a moment to stop and look at her, handsome and charming as he immediately starts unloading, excitedly.
“Darling, it was incredible . It snapped that Avox in half. With one bite. It strikes like a damn snake, it’s so brisk. And it’s fast – on land, and in water – we’ll only need one more, or else all the tributes will be slaughtered by a bunch of Minervas.” He chuckles at the thought. 
“ Minervas ?” She asks him, taking a breath. 
“Dr. Crane named it after her mother.” He scoffs. “Rather fitting.” 
It’s now that he notices her fully. 
“Comfortable?” He asks her lightly, nodding to her in his chair, and she stares at him. 
He now sees the smeared makeup of her eyes, wad of tissue in one hand, her wedding ring laying on his desk, plucked off her finger. 
His demeanor immediately shifts. 
He allows the irritation he’d been keeping under the surface ever since seeing Dyess put on a good show of praise for Dr. Crane’s accomplishment, to now show plainly on his face. 
Patience was already a luxury that was growing a little more difficult for him to afford, and here his own wife is. 
Staring him in the eye while gouging the price of it higher. 
“Aren’t you ever the proud partner?” She asks him, sniffling. 
“Put the ring back on, Livia.” He orders flatly, giving her the opportunity to. 
“You gave her my case.”
“I gave her your failed case.” He corrects her. “Which is no different than any past cases you get to correct.”
“It is different.” She hisses. “It is different, Coriolanus, and you know very well it is different.” 
She could tolerate his late nights, his lingering stares, not that she believed he was  have an affair by any means, but things such as that did get to her at times, though it  was bearable…but this was unacceptable . 
This was unbearable . 
She can’t pretend not to notice this . 
“You realize you are exalting another woman and slapping your own wife down only to prove to everyone you’re good at your job, and get the same round of applause you’ve been chasing since we were children?” 
“I gave her a failed case. Just like every single scientist here gets a failed case multiple times a year to retrace and have an opportunity to make a success out of it.” He stands over her, leaning over his desk, large hands bracing against the wood on either side of her hands, blue eyes peering condescendingly into hers. “You’re acting like a child, Livia. A petty child. All because someone you don’t like played with something that you once had. I gave her a failed case. One that just so just so happened to be one of yours.” He adds it, fingertips brushing against the damp skin of her cheek, black tears from her mascara staining his skin. 
He wants to recoil and grab his handkerchief, cleaning his hands of her bitter jealousy taking physical shape, but he tolerates it for the sake of not provoking a further scene at work. 
“And I meant no offense, in doing so, Livia. I promise.” He says, next, gently, grasping her chin in his fingers. 
She had seen him do this so many times to others, be so endearing and attentive, making them feel as if they were the only people that held his interest. 
Livia wasn’t a complete fool, she had grown up with him, she had witnessed some of his more morally gray decisions from their time in the Academy, through University, and now, in their careers…but none of those decisions had ever affected her so personally.
“I’m proud of you, Coriolanus.” She lies as she whispers it, her left hand holding at his fingers that hold her chin. “And I love you…” 
It lingers, more to be said, he waits for her to speak it.
“...I think I just need to go to my mother’s for a few days.” It’s finished with her plucking his hand from her, rubbing her red lips together. 
Her lack of support disappointed him – a new occurrence, as he can’t recall any time in the past she looked at him the way she is now. 
It gives him the same feeling his father had always given him whilst he craved his approval…the same feeling he’d felt ten years before with a certain girl from District 12. 
After everything I’ve done for…all I’ve given you…it’s still not enough .
He had done his best to ensure Dr. Crane’s success because it reflected well on him, and anything that reflected well on him, reflected well on Livia. 
The higher he climbed, the higher she would.
Yet she was spitting it all back in his face, ungrateful and demeaning. 
“Is that so?” He asks her, tonelessly, imagining her rushing to her mother, crying on about how horrible he was to her, how humiliated she had been by the looney Dr. Crane, who’d once been seen as too mentally unwell to babysit a goldfish, let alone retrace one of Livia Snow’s cases, and exceed everyone’s expectations.
“It is so.” She replies, anger still cloaked under her teary-eyed gaze. “I won’t have to come in to assist with the Games as none of my cases got selected for participation …so I’ll stay with my mother, and you can stay here, assist with the Games, and wallow in your laudation.”
He has to bite his tongue to keep from saying, “ Technically speaking, one of your cases did get selected for participation.” 
Instead, he thinks of how his time without her at home would be spent.
He would be wallowing in far more than his laudation…
“Very well, darling,” Comes from his lips as he watches her stand to her feet, deliberately leaving her ring on his desk. 
The kiss to his cheek is empty, as if she’s long abandoned him in her mind, and is now only acting on doing so, and when she goes to leave him, this realization begins to settle in as he slowly makes his way around his desk, picking the emerald cut diamond up, blue eyes acrimoniously on her back as she walks away. 
He opens the drawer to his desk, grabbing at the file he’d originally come to collect for his nine o’clock meeting regarding Dr. Crane’s case review, in which the board will officially sign to have her case be the third and final feature in the Games this year, leaving his office.
It doesn’t take long before Philo appears, always keeping a look out for Snow, having learned to move when he moves because if he doesn’t, he’ll miss his footing and won’t be able to keep up with Coriolanus in the slightest. 
Things around Snow were ever changing, a back-up plan for a back-up plan was always tucked away in his mind, he always maintained his stride of several steps ahead of those around him, keeping himself upright and standing tall in the race that was Gamemaking and the politics that it all boiled down to. 
“Mr. Marius,” Coriolanus mumbles, the man who once trailed after him like a nervous puppy now walked shoulder to shoulder with him, in-step with him perfectly. 
“Mr. Snow.” Philo replies. 
“Please, extend an invitation to Dr. Crane for a celebratory dinner at my apartment tonight.” He states.
“Dr. Tawny Crane, or Dr. Dyess Crane, sir?” 
Snow resists the smirk that wants to come to his lips as he recalls Dyess' angered expression in the gallery earlier. 
“ Tawny .”
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caltropspress · 9 months
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RAPS + CRAFTS #15: Duncecap
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1. Introduce yourself. Past projects? Current projects?
Hey, I’m Duncecap. I've been writing and producing hip hop music since I was 15. I've also been shooting and editing videos since I was a kid.
You may have heard some of my projects released via Backwoodz Studioz (miserable then, Go Climb a Tree). You may also know me from crazy performances in NYC with the group we are the karma kids. Some of my albums from that time are Human Error and Rapping is for Idiots. 
In terms of upcoming music - exciting new stuff is coming! One forthcoming album is chiefly self-produced, one of them produced entirely by Steel Tipped Dove.
Also I have a “secret” side project - experimental ambient music under the name Depression Naps. That will probably come out this year. I need to figure the release out ASAP though.
2. Where do you write? Do you have a routine time you write? Do you discipline yourself, or just let the words come when they will? Do you typically write on a daily basis?
I usually write on the move; I’m listening to music, I have thoughts, and need something to do - it goes together perfectly. I write on walks, taking the subway, in a car. Physically moving is definitely not a rule though. I also write while procrastinating at home on the couch, or sitting with a coffee outside, in a diner is fun, etc. 
No routine time per se - I’m ready to write on a moment's notice and usually do it that way randomly throughout the day, every day.
3. What’s your medium—pen and paper, laptop, on your phone? Or do you compose a verse in your head and keep it there until it’s time to record?
I used to write in a pocket-sized notebook all the time. Writing on paper really sets some immediate boundaries with space and even the speed which you can physically write. Lyrics get crossed out then circled or rewritten and crossed out again. Sometimes you can’t read what you wrote.
Now I write on my phone. It’s faster, more legible, and with infinite space - but it’s easier to get carried away with overwriting. I’ll drop anything to write an idea down. I’m somewhat of a compulsive idea hoarder, I don’t want to let a good idea pass. 
I would love to be able to be the type of person that could fully write songs in my head but I got a lot of other things going on in there too and I get distracted easily. Freestyling is fun but I’m gonna need to write down anything I want to remember.
4. Do you write in bars, or is it more disorganized than that?
For most of my life I would write bars in long sentences, but in the past couple years I’ve noticed I’ve been breaking up my lines into halves or down to single words rather than bars. I call it my 'poetic style' on account of how it looks on the page but also how my delivery changes when I write this way. It helps me get more granular conceptually and with the rhymes too. I enjoy the end result and my voicing in that style. Projects I’ve written in this way are Genuinely Sad Songs and miserable then and the new stuff. 
Writing can get pretty disorganized regardless of medium too, but I try to run a tight ship. Disorganized writing in a digital space might look like several versions of the same lyrics doc or alternative lyrics in the same space as the original one.
5. How long into writing a verse or a song do you know it’s not working out the way you had in mind? Do you trash the material forever, or do you keep the discarded material to be reworked later?
Depends on the strength of the original writing, the context, and how much time I want to spend editing it. 
Sometimes it’s 4 bars in or less I might know. Sometimes, there’s one line in an otherwise great verse that I’m unsure about and everything past that one line feels off. Sometimes I write a whole verse and return to it thinking, “Maybe this isn’t the angle.”
Digitally, I never throw anything away. At this point I’ve embraced it, although it does weigh me down a little bit. I would love to cull the “good stuff” and start fresh in my notes app, but at this point it might take longer than it’s worth. 
Occasionally, a verse gets lost in the ether or I cut a song and I can reuse the verse elsewhere or break it down for parts. Most of the time what I write is tailored to a special concept or nuanced emotional expression. It gets tricky to go back and plug old writing into those pieces and I tend to start over in that case.
That isn’t to say that I don’t find old verses I can match up to new songs - but it doesn’t always feel good. It shouldn’t matter honestly, but something in me says: start fresh.
Though looking through searchable results in my notes app can jog my brain and get the gears turning - it’s like a mood board but with elements I created.
6. Have you engaged with any other type of writing, whether presently or in the past? Fiction? Poetry? Playwriting? If so, how has that mode influenced your songwriting?
Poetry - yes. It very much influences it. This is where my writing started as a pre-teen and I still write poetry and infuse it into my music. 
Screenwriting - yes (I want to write more scripts). 
Fiction - as a child I did write stories pretty frequently and had a bunch of little one page stories with cover art and stuff. The last long form narrative prose I wrote was a kind of memoir in college while locked out of my dorm. I wrote it all on a Blackberry phone. 
I journal too when things are rough and want to reexamine something I know I will want to reflect on in my life. A lot of times in the moment I’m experiencing it, most likely in a way to detach. 
I’m trying to think how these different mediums might specifically affect my songwriting. Poetry and journaling, for sure. The only thing I can think about for screenwriting is sometimes I will write dialogue in my songs but I don’t really clarify it as such. It’s more like internal dialogue. Sometimes I dub or adlib those lines if it’s crucial to communicate that it's another character besides mine in a song. Those moments of pseudo dialogue reminds me of the flow you can enter when writing a scene in screenwriting software - so maybe that's the link.
7. How much editing do you do after initially writing a verse/song? Do you labor over verses, working on them over a long period of time, or do you start and finish a piece in a quick burst?
For me, it matters the song I’m writing. 
Sometimes I will write a verse about literally where I’m writing or I will write a song as a way to work myself through an emotional event. These kinds of writings I try to preserve for the integrity of that moment in time and where I was physically and/or emotionally. 
For more pre-conceived and intentional concepts I will painstakingly edit them until they feel right. “Did I structure this in the most elegant way possible?” “Am I communicating the concept clearly and cleverly?” Etc. 
Those same kinds of quality controlling conditions happen regardless of how I’m writing, but there’s a bit more forgiveness in favor of earnestness when I get more personal on tracks.
8. Do you write to a beat, or do you adjust and tweak lyrics to fit a beat?
Both, it depends on the situation and how I’m feeling. 
A lot of stuff on miserable then was written as poetry first and then fit to beats. Same goes for the Genuinely Sad Songs EP. I would also record freestyles to those beats and then decode the nonsense lyrics and tones or use the rhyme patterns I established.
Most other times I would say that I write to the beat while taking some breaks listening so it doesn’t get too repetitive.
9. What dictates the direction of your lyrics? Are you led by an idea or topic you have in mind beforehand? Is it stream-of-consciousness? Is what you come up with determined by the constraint of the rhymes?
Many times I write to sort myself out, so it’s stream of consciousness while I’m overanalyzing the very stream of consciousness I’m writing. This is where I get more introspective on songs. I’ll be led by trying to find an “answer” to what I’m feeling while making it structured and rhyme.
Sometimes I look around the notes app for thought starters and when navigating that labyrinth I’ll be reminded of concepts I meant to write about later. I'll match up themes to new production to see if I can make my life a little easier if a theme or lyric doesn’t come to mind inherently for a song. This ends up being very satisfying since the piece ends up being planned out a bit more but with minimal effort. 
Rhyming does force some rules on your writing but you get used to navigating that. I wouldn’t say that rhyming would constrain a song from being made but it does make creating a song more of a puzzle - which is a lot of the fun.
10. Do you like to experiment with different forms and rhyme schemes, or do you keep your bars free and flexible?
I like to experiment with rhyming. I get bored with keeping the same rhyme scheme for a whole verse while other times it’s the thing that drives me. When you have the same scheme for a whole verse you get to play with the audience's expectations. If you're rhyming and the person you're with finishes the line for you - for me, it can be a sign that you're too predictable of a rhymer.  But if you want to be optimistic, you can see that as a sign that you are a good songwriter. It really depends on what you are trying to accomplish at the time.
Sometimes rhyming doesn’t cross my mind at all and other times I’m trying to rhyme each word in a sentence to its parallel word in the subsequent line. Other times my lyrics are more melody driven and that takes a burden off of rhyme all together, or at least modifies expectation.  
I have always been fascinated by rhyme and its predictability. I love hearing wild tongue twisters that I still can’t guess the ending rhymes for. Rhyming is such a unique tool that you can subvert expectations very easily with. I find myself using an A B A B rhyme pattern pretty frequently. It’s a nice way to balance the “shock value” of non-rhyming but also getting rewarded with a rhyme. It’s also a good fall back if you are freestyling and forget to rhyme.
11. What’s a verse you’re particularly proud of, one where you met the vision for what you desire to do with your lyrics?
Here’s a couple songs where the concepts were pre-determined and I’m proud of how the final product met that initial vision:
“Under the Hood” (feat. Fielded) || Go Climb a Tree 
I had the title and knew I wanted to write about how things in life are many times antagonistically assembled or precariously produced - and then presented as clean, polished or well-thought out products. And how fragile it all is even after it’s released. 
“Well oiled machine in the shippiest shape, / One domino is all the difference it takes.” 
“Definitely” (feat. E L U C I D & Quelle Chris) || Rapping is for Idiots
I asked them to write as busy/unreachable rappers and I was supposed to be the desperate collaborator. Everybody nailed it and the video came out great as well. It’s extra gratifying to piece together a concept track with multiple folks on a record. 
In terms of one verse to point to -  there’s this verse I’m especially proud of from this upcoming Dove album. It hits hard but is also very on-point conceptually. It’s an example of one of those titles or concepts I’ve had floating around in my notes app for years and then it finally fell into place when I heard the right beat at the right time. The song is about the over-abundance of, well, everything and how overwhelming life can be in the current zeitgeist.
12. Can you pick a favorite bar of yours and describe the genesis of it?
I always used to have this question answered but the answer would change every year or so when I wrote a new project. I use writing as a means of self-discovery and the growth is never over. I don't think it'll ever be easy for me to settle on a favorite lyric because as soon as one is out of my system, I potentially don't relate to it anymore if it’s married to a specific emotional incident. Instead I go, “Oh, yeah I did a good job explaining how I felt at the time,” but it doesn’t feel as electric anymore to me in the present.
Despite that, I’ll answer the question. Here are some old standouts, I wouldn’t say I have a favorite though:
“Being self aware is not the same as trying to do something [about it]” (Bad Breath [’Toid Up])
The genesis being to have a way to remind myself and others that just because you know you are a little fucked up doesn’t mean you are actually being productive or healthy about it. Worst-case scenario it’s a negligible position to be enabling yourself but with a false sense of security.
The song “Rocks in Your Shoes” is mostly a free-write but has bars I’m proud of that satisfy both an introspective/punchy appetite:
“I talk like a parrot with a TV in the room”
“I like the way my mouth dances when I spit a tune, / My bars are choreography for my lips to move”
I dunno!
13. Do you feel strongly one way or another about punch-ins? Will you whittle a bar down in order to account for breath control, or are you comfortable punching-in so you don’t have to sacrifice any words?
Do I whittle a bar down for breath control? Yes. That usually comes in the initial writing phase but doesn’t stop there.
A lot of people, including myself, will practice their flows under their breath if they are in public or a room full of people. It’s a little odd to go full volume in those situations. Personally, I’ve found that practicing quietly like that can be misleading when it comes time to record.
Recording a demo is important. Most of the time I will face the reality of my breath control in these recordings then listen back and whittle down some more or change phrasings. Or I learn I hate a lyric the instant I’m forced to say it out loud or in front of people. The actual recording after the demo is always much more confident and polished. I either try to demo first or perform it live first before I record. Sometimes you write the verse and immediately record and land the first take, punching those always feels sacrilegious but you gotta do what you gotta do. 
I usually try to deliver verses in one take when I record. In my head, if you are planning to perform your material live anyway, it makes sense to learn it as you will perform it live. 
That being said - sometimes stylistically you might want to punch a lot or the take was perfect except for one moment. I’m more than happy to punch in those instances. I used to be more stubborn about not punching-in but when you are working with other people’s time it doesn't always make sense to deliver things in one take but it’s usually very satisfying.
14. What non-hiphop material do you turn to for inspiration? What non-music has influenced your work recently?
Musically - ambient music! I have always listened to “relaxing music” since I was a kid because I have always had anxiety. As I’ve gotten older that expanded to more experimental music, noisy music. Field recordings and ambient tones have been very inspiring to me the past couple of years.
I've been working towards bridging the gap of my “beats” and sonic experimentations for a little while and will be releasing a new ambient project this year (2023). I also recently produced an EP for someone while practicing this same type of experimental production processes. 
Outside of music I would say film! I use a lot of filmmaking language in my writing because that's just how my brain works. It’s also a clinical way to describe things visually.  
Also, I’m inspired a lot from my surroundings and experiences. I try to pull songs from my life and the characters I see or interact with. You can turn anything into poetry and I try to.
15. Writers are often saddled with self-doubt. Do you struggle to like your own shit, or does it all sound dope to you?
Dude. Self-doubt all day. Imposter syndrome all day. “I suck.” etc. I usually briefly fall in love with whatever new music I’m making and then get more distant to it when I begin something new. Recently, I was head over heels with a new song, then a day later my certainty of its quality was subverted by my silly brain. 
As I get older I’m learning to appreciate my music more. I used to be the guy to delete music after publishing it but that isn’t sustainable nor fair to listeners.  Combating self-doubt will always be a journey.
16. Who’s a rapper you listen to with such a distinguishable style that you need to resist the urge to imitate them?
All of them? Sometimes I hear a beat and think of people I know that could potentially feature on the track with me - or even famous rappers - but then I decide to have no features on the song. In those cases I worry that I might sound like whoever I thought of initially. When that happens I share a demo with friends and it’s usually just in my head.
I’m not sure this has happened to you, but there’s those moments where you strike gold while writing and realize, “Oh…this is just [famous song]”. I’m paranoid of that happening. Sometimes I won’t listen to new projects immediately if I'm already in the middle of writing something - that way it doesn’t rub off on me subconsciously. 
Funny enough though, I think hip-hop is pretty forgiving of that kind of thing in the right context. So many artists pay tribute by flipping famous lines or flows and putting them in their own songs.You don't see nearly as many cover songs in the genre as in others but see more reworkings, references, and shout-outs. 
I mean if you are biting someone's style completely that’s a no-no, but I’m not concerned about that happening.
17. Do you have an agenda as an artist? Are there overarching concerns you want to communicate to the listener?
My goal is to be financially stable off of video and music alone. 
In terms of projects, collaborations, etc. - I will always want to work with talented people and especially ones that have vision or challenge me to think outside the box. Connecting with other artists will always be a big part of music for me. 
Content-wise, I want to keep experimenting but also take myself more seriously and write less about emotional/personal issues as my default. Mental health issues are important for me and listeners tell me my words have helped them. That’s why I still do write this way and partly why I started writing that way too. If any of my experiences and learnings can help people in the same spot it’s a win and very rewarding. It’s just as validating for me to hear people relate to my writing as I’m sure it might be for a listener to hear someone describe how they feel. 
I have always been an impulsive writer and I imagine that won’t change. I can say, though, that the more I work on myself the more my growth will reflect in my writing.
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RAPS + CRAFTS is a series of questions posed to rappers about their craft and process. It is designed to give respect and credit to their engagement with the art of songwriting. The format is inspired, in part, by Rob McLennan’s 12 or 20 interview series.
Photo credit: P Squared
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flameswallower · 1 year
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SELF PROMO POST #2
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In this short novel inspired by the Mountain Goats & John Vanderslice concept EP Moon Colony Bloodbath, three indentured, memory-wiped laborers at a crumbling storage facility make some unexpected discoveries about the genetically engineered mutant bodies they tend each day. Sex, drugs, violence, cannibalism, psychic powers, a catgirl (sort of)…Body After Body is the lurid, dreamlike, amoral queer/trans sci-fi trash literature at least four or five people have been waiting for.
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Wow! My first novel, and (from one point of view) the longest fan fiction I've ever written by about 50,000 words! "Sci-fi body horror inspired by a not-super-popular concept EP from 2009, with an entirely trans cast of characters, sections of formally experimental and psychedelic writing, extremely graphic sex scenes every couple of chapters, and a plot largely driven by orgies, fantastical drugs, and cannibalism" is a tough sell, and it's always going to be a tough sell. I knew that when I wrote Body After Body during lockdown in 2020; I figured I would be lucky if anyone who's not a personal friend of mine read it, and if anyone at all particularly liked it. That was okay by me, since I pretty much wrote it entirely for myself.
In the two years since its release, I've been surprised and touched by how many people are, in fact, just as into this hyper-specific shit as I am. It's not a LOT of people, but then, it was never going to be. Body After Body seems to have successfully reached the couple hundred misfit weirdos it is emphatically "for", and that's all I could possibly ask.
Maybe you, reading this, are thinking you might be one of those couple hundred people. If so, I strongly suggest giving the novel a spin! It's free to download on itch.io (although you may pay for it if you can afford to and are confident you'll enjoy it; I'm not gonna say no to $5).
The cover art you see here is by Tom Horstmann.
As per usual, content warnings under the cut, I cover "the big stuff" (eg. things that would earn a movie an R or X rating, like graphic sex and violence, and things that are common sites of trauma or psychological vulnerability, like child abuse and eating disorders) but not every topic or incident in a story that could plausibly upset someone. If you prefer not to have aspects of the novel's plot spoiled before you read it, I suggest skipping these.
Content warnings: Cannibalism, self harm, medical experimentation, organ harvesting, brainwashing, institutionalization/imprisonment (of a sort), dubcon sex and relationships, LOTS and LOTS of graphic sexual content, extreme violence and gore, verbal/physical/emotional abuse, drug and alcohol use, addiction, societal and internalized transphobia, societal and internalized ableism. One major character used to be an underage survival sex worker, and this is touched on or alluded to in a few flashbacks.
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Trailblazing Aeolus mission winding down On 30 April 2023, all nominal operations of Aeolus, the first mission to observe Earth's wind profiles on a global scale, will conclude in preparation for a series of end of life activities. Although a recent upgrade to Aeolus' original laser meant that in its last months it has been performing as well as ever, diminishing fuel combined with increasing solar activity means the mission must come to an end. That ESA's wind mission has made it this far is a great achievement, having outlived its predicted lifetime of three years by over 18 months. But it's not over just yet. Over the past year, scientists and industry specialists have been designing a thorough roadmap to bring the Aeolus mission to a close. After much consideration and careful planning it was decided that the best course of action is to carefully re-enter the satellite back to Earth. The finishing touches to the end-of-life schedule will be made over the coming weeks and a timeline will be announced in due course. In the meantime, Aeolus will provide data as usual up to the end of operations on 30 April 2023. While no new operational data will be gathered after 30 April, the mission's existing data will still be available to users. "My gratitude goes to all our ESA and industry colleagues who have developed and operated this unique mission," said Aeolus Mission Manager, Tommaso Parrinello. "A special thanks goes to the scientific community, whose support has been outstanding and has contributed to one of the most successful missions ever flown by ESA." A trailblazing wind mission Aeolus, ESA's fifth Earth Explorer, was tasked with an extraordinarily challenging and pioneering feat: to measure global winds from space using a laser. Its launch in 2018 was an achievement some thought might not be possible, especially after many years of grit and determination to make its experimental technology work. Plenty of headscratchers and setbacks were encountered along the way. Once in orbit Aeolus met further trials, being forced into switching to its back up laser less than a year after launch. The struggles were worth it, as Europe's wind mission triumphed. Aeolus data are now used by major weather forecasting services worldwide, including the European Center for Medium-Range Weather Forecasts (ECMWF), Météo-France, the UK Met Office, Germany's Deutscher Wetterdienst (DWD), and India's National Center for Medium Range Weather Forecasting (NCMRWF). Its many successes, including economic benefits valued at over €3.5 billion, mean that an operational follow-on mission called Aeolus-2 will be launched within a decade. Remarkable improvements in weather forecasts Aeolus carries an instrument known as ALADIN, which is Europe's most sophisticated Doppler wind lidar flown in space. A laser fires pulses of ultraviolet light towards Earth's atmosphere, and a receiver detects the light that is scattered back from air molecules, water molecules, and aerosols such as dust. Thanks to subtle changes in the properties of the light that is received, we can measure how quickly these particles travel away from Aeolus—the speed of the wind. Over its four and a half year lifetime, orbiting Earth 16 times a day and covering the entire globe once a week, ALADIN has beamed down over seven billion laser pulses. Supported by the ground segment team, well over 99.5% of the data collected reach users such as weather forecasters within three hours. The impacts have been remarkable. Since ECMWF started assimilating Aeolus data in 2020 the satellite has become one of the highest impact-per-observation instruments in existence. A lot is down to Aeolus' capacity to measure winds where data are scarce. When planes were grounded during the lockdowns imposed due to the COVID pandemic, Aeolus was able to contribute missing data to plug the gap in weather forecasts. Researchers recently concluded that Aeolus data could also help to improve forecasting of hurricanes in regions of the planet where reconnaissance flights are sparse, particularly over the tropics. A universal collaboration The Aeolus mission has been underpinned by a tightly-knit, Europe-wide collaboration of over forty experts that make up the Aeolus Data, Innovation, and Science Cluster (DISC). Years of calibration and validation activities by the DISC, including tens of thousands of kilometers flown in field campaigns from Greenland to Cape Verde, have honed and improved the instrument and the quality of its data. In recent years, an international collaboration known as the Joint Aeolus Tropical Airborne Campaign (JATAC) has expanded the remit of Aeolus, honing in on the use of Aeolus data to measure the role of aerosols in tropical weather systems. Where aerosols are concerned, Aeolus has managed to provide unique insight into volcanic plumes. The satellite was able to track the huge Hunga Tonga eruption of January 2022, and observed a completely new atmospheric phenomenon following the eruption of Raikoke in 2019. Aeolus wind data also improve modeling of plumes as they spread through Earth's atmosphere, which benefits air traffic safety. Other innovative projects have used Aeolus data to understand a range of phenomena from Saharan dust to ocean biochemistry and sea surface winds. The results will inform future Earth Explorer missions such as EarthCARE, a collaborative mission between ESA and JAXA that will carry a similar lidar instrument to measure atmospheric aerosols and clouds. "The Aeolus mission has been a triumph of European innovation, collaboration and technical excellence," says ESA's Director of Earth Observation Programs, Simonetta Cheli. "Aeolus is another example of how ESA's Earth Explorers perform beyond expectations, and a shining light for our Future EO program. Its impacts will live long beyond its lifetime in space, paving the way for future operational missions such as Aeolus-2." TOP IMAGE....Observing System Experiments show that ESA’s Aeolus mission significantly improves short-range forecasts, particularly in the Tropics and at mid-latitudes. The graph shows the standard deviation of changes when assimilating Aeolus data at an atmospheric pressure of 200 hPa (around 12km altitude). Credit: ECMWF–M. Rennie/ESA LOWER IMAGE....Despite exceeding its design life in orbit, ESA’s Aeolus mission continues to deliver excellent data. The uses for Aeolus wind data are many, from predicting the weather and improving climate models, to tracking events in near-realtime, such as the recent Hunga Tonga volcanic eruption. The image shows how the ash from the eruption left its mark in Aeolus’ measurements on 15 January 2022. A huge blip, or drop, can be seen in the Aeolus signal over the Tonga region, suggesting the plume of volcanic ash must have reached an altitude above the range that can be detected by Aeolus. Credit: ESA
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