#art is most certainly still Not My Thing and im learning still how to use the site im on 😔
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EVERYONE please tell me how this gif looks i would like feedback <3
#i like it for the most part i just wanna know if its 1) too fast and 2) if i should reduce the spacing between the words and hearts.#also im realizing rn that it looks like some of the colours are flashing. thats fine i will fix it </3#art is most certainly still Not My Thing and im learning still how to use the site im on 😔#im hoping to get a lil collection of these done for pride month so 🤞🏻 heres hoping i get around to it!!!#im starting to get the hang of making gifs but. well. it takes some time bc im learning as i go#ANYWAYS. pls give me your feedback <3 itll be how i do the rest of the gifs!!!
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Whenever I am reading about the law on Tumblr I feel like I can manifest anything and that its so easy, but then when I try to apply I get so many questions about if I am doing it correctly again and that this is gonna be hard to do, how can I stop thinking like this?
thats because when blogs write about the law (most of the time this does not apply to every single loa blog) they write about it like it IS the most easiest thing in the world, like it is a flawless execution.
thats because they dont include their struggles, hell even i struggled today. i struggled yesterday too. im learning. im a human, im not gonna always tell u guys my struggles because its highkey none of your business but anyways.
lets just be real with ourselves for a second. lots of us have encountered struggles when we tried to fulfil our desires have we not? has this road been perfect? probably not…are we probably still struggling a tinsy winsy bit from time to time? well ik i certainly am.
doesnt mean shit btw if you’re struggling and its okay to.
when applying its so much different from actually reading, when u read that post saying everything is possible and everything is perfect and you’re perfect you get that rush, you get that excitement and everything feels good and happy until you actually decide to do it and you start feeling stupid, or you’re feeling like you’re doing something wrong or you’re missing an element or you’re just too aware of yourself u start to feel uncomfortable.
and guess what, thats totally normal. even neville found it hard at one point to actually APPLY and do it himself. but in that moment where that does happen. treat yourself kindly first of all and take it slowly.
step by step you will get there, maybe itd be helpful to do edward art’s meditation as a starter i felt more assured following a meditation, because you’re just doing what theyre telling you. cant go wrong
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if u saw the new trailer whats ur opinion?
im very excited for skirk,,,,
OH BUDDY YOUVE OPENED THE FLOODGATES CUZ IVE BEEN SPAMMING MY FRIEND WITH THEORIES LIKE HFJDJDJDJ I WAS SCREAMING THE ENTIRE TIME
Obvious spoilers for the fontaine archon quest in general for my thoughts and interpretations
Okay FIRST OF ALL NEUVI SENTENCING FURINA TO DEATH.
Okay so refer to what neuvi said at the end of Act 4 where 'all sovereigns are not im full dragonhood and it can only happen IF THEIR ARCHON DISAPPEARS'. I was hoping that Furina would somehow relinquish the gnosis or her godhood to Neuvi to let him be full dragonhood and stop the flood and WELL THIS LINES UP.
1) arlecchino did say furina was not archon like or has something wrong with her, 2) her playable character model HAS A VISION!!!!!!! 3) Iirc but her promo art, the one with the white bg with nation symbols on it, people say that it didnt have the symbols an archon would.
She's DEFINITELY losing her godhood here somehow and man. MAN IM SO EXCITED TO SEE HOW THIS PLAYS OUT
Second of all FURINA or should i say the HYDRO ARCHON as a whole
She sounded MAD when she stated she wanted to use her own trial to show the world the true meaning of justice. This leads me to believe that focalors DOES have some sort of multiple sides/personalities to her. Especially with her announcing HER OWN TRIAL through the 3rd person.
And well one of these sides is either Egeria's manifestation or furinas actual 'TRUE lady justice' side. A bit of a stretch but one of the official art in the livestream is multiple depictions of furina so it can be a lil nudge ya know.
NEUVILLETTE!!!! NEUVI NEUVI NEUVI!!!
MAN ID KILL TO SEE THIS MAN IN ACTION FULLY ANIMATED, LET HIM BE FULL DRAGON AND KICK ASS!!!!! IM BEGGING YOU HOYOVERSE LET HIM BE MORE AWESOME!!!!
Okay this man definitely was acquainted to Egeria in some way and this extends to Furina as well (BECAUSE HE LOOKS SO SAD LIKE WHAT HAPPENED TO CRACK THIS MANS FACADE). I like to believe that Egeria and Neuvi might have a sort of Mentor/mentee/passing of the torch relationship. Because in so far everytime we hear Egeria, she talks to neuvi as if to hope that he will learn to understand humanity or learn his purpose or find SOMETHING (i forgot exactly what she says). But yeah he clearly holds her to high regard and that sentiment might extend to furina either because Egeria entrusted Neuvi with Furina, his loyalty to Egeria and Fontaine, or Furina just reminded him of Egeria and regardless of the trial still didn't want harm to come to his archon.
Okay a step back, we know that neuvi has holes about his past when he came to the world as the sovereign successor. And his line (i think its his idk) 'i seem to remember now... this trial is...' could be a call back of something Egeria told him from the past.
I firmly believe that this prophecy was actually a trial for NEUVILLETTE and not FURINA. It could be a final trial for him and his understanding of his position as chief justice and humanity. WHICH would tie into Egeria's line
and neuvi's line
Finally the GNOSIS
Okay the most obvious place is in the Oratrice. I feel like because Egeria isn't truly dead (from the who Amrita thing), it's possible that she lives in the Oratrice where she guides Neuvi and Furina. That's why it seems like it has its own conciousness and agenda. It's why it falsely accused Childe (and presumably Furina too). It might be why neuvi i think says this.
Anyways theres NO WAY the gnosis is staying in the oratrice lmao. There's bound to be a power transfer, the oratrice might be dead or dismantled because of its previous 'wrong' accusation for childe. And well im very much hoping it goes to Neuvi where he'll finally have his own meaning of Justice and no longer needs the assistance of the Oratrice to make judgements
I dont have much to say about Skirk, im most certainly looking forward to skirk childe interaction. Im guessing shes there at the abyss side either for the Narssizkruenz (fack spelling) ordo relation or well.. the gnosis. Im taking a random guess that she and the abyss might take away the gnosis to prevent celestia from descending early because fontaine is giving back the power they stole from a sovereign back to him.
ANYWAYS IM HYPED IM SO INSANE WAAAAAAAAAA
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hi ! I have to learn pixel art for a game development class im taking.... do you have any tips to perhaps get started? (i have aseprite alr :3) thank u!!!!!!!!
Hi! I'm not the best person to ask this (my only projects for game dev were unfinished projects very early on), but I'll try to help
There's 3 important things that I'd say you should know about pixel art for game development specifically: Tiles/Tilesets, Character Animation, and Consistent Sizing
Let's go for one by one
Tiles/Tilesets
While you can make completely hand-drawn scenes for games, it's certainly way harder to do, as it requires a lot more time to achieve, and with things like deadlines on the way, you'll probably have to crunch yourself to achieve it on time, which I wouldn't recommend, especially if you're just starting out
This is where the Tiles/Tilesets come in handy. To put it simply, a Tile is a pattern that can either repeat horizontally/vertically/in all sides, or also a pattern that doesn't exactly repeat in any direction, but can be used to give a smoother end to something, like a corner. There's way more uses for Tiles, but these two are the most common types you'll see
A tileset is a collection of tiles, commonly with the tiles being together with those they work well with
Below is an example of a (messy) tileset along with how the tiles work together!
Basically these two allow you to make scenes quickier and easier, which is a lifesaver most of the time
Below is the most common type of tileset (for platformers and side-view games)!
There's a variant of this which adds slopes and smoother cornes on the insides, but this is still a good starting point
Basically these tiles allow you to cover most sizes regarding ground/wall tiles, which work well in things like gameboy games for example
As for Aseprite, in the latest update they added tileset layers, which makes it way easier to reorganize tiles, along with the existing Tiled mode, which duplicates your current canvas in all axis (or a specific one, depending on which one you pick) to see how the tile connects with their surroundings
You can enable Tiled mode by going into View > Tiled Mode and picking the best option that suits your tile. As for the tileset layers, there's this video that goes far more into detail on how it works:
youtube
Character Animation
I want you to look at this set of animations
How many frames do you think were used for each one?
The answer is 4 or less!
The idle animation has 3 frames, the walking/running animation has 4, and the sliding animation has 2! (which technically is the exact same image, but slightly moved left and right between each frame)
If you're starting out with pixel art, I'd really recommend to minimize the amount of frames you use in total, as it'll make it way easier to work with if you don't know much about pixel art/animation, plus you can still manage to add tons of personality into each frame
In Aseprite, you can add tags (by clicking the frame number and "Add Tag"), which helps to separate specific animations. Also, depending on your game engine/tool, it'll pick animations either by a sprite-sheet or by separate png files. I'll cover spritesheets here as that's the most common method
In Aseprite, if you go to File > Export, you can choose to export a Spritesheet, which is essentialy a set of frames connected into a single image, which can then be imported into a game engine/tool and be tweaked there
There's 4 buttons in the Export Spritesheet prompt, "Layout", "Sprite", "Borders" and "Output"
In "Layout" you can select how the frames should be arranged, along with setting constraints on them
In "Sprite", you can select the source of these frames, along with specifying if you want to export a specific layer/tag or all of them
in "Borders" you can specify if you want to add padding or remove space from your exported file
and in "Output" you can enable the option to export the spritesheet (in "Output file") along with a JSON data file if you want
Tweak these options depending on how your game engine/tool handles spritesheets, and you should be good to go!
Consistent Sizing
if you do art with backgrounds already, this shouldn't be hard to do, but it's still important!
This one should be straightforward; Keep the sizes of the characters and scenarios around the same size! Unless you're making something like Grounded, a character will look out of place with a normal house 20 times it's size
Work between the sizes of the tiles and characters to make consistent sizes all around
You can break this rule somewhat if it helps portray better your idea, like here:
but don't go too over the top with it!
I hope this helped a bit ^^
(sorry for the delay with this btw)
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Hello, I’m fairly new (you have a lot of talent, you make wonderful art) but I just saw your post about your grandma. I’m very sorry for your loss. Grief is a very difficult thing and can be very confusing when you lose someone you had a bad relationship with. I was once in such a situation too. I don’t know how it was with your grandma, but I hated that person so much. And when they left… I missed them and I didn’t understand why. After all the things they did… after everything they caused… I still cared about them. I even felt guilty. How could I care about someone like that? I used to get angry at myself every time I grieved, every time I cried. Don’t make my mistake. When we lose someone, no matter how they influenced our lives, there’s an impact. After all, they were still a part of my life, a part of my world. They were a loved one. A member of my family. It changes a lot. And after all, I knew deep down, they still had some good in their heart. After everything… they didn’t deserve to die. And maybe, the thing I missed most was the relationship I wished I had with them.
It was very hard for me to move on. To let go. And I think this is mostly because I didn’t understand that I needed to forgive them. I kept holding on to this pent up feeling of hatred. This anger. But I should have forgiven them for everything they had done. Because forgiveness doesn’t excuse their behaviour. It most certainly doesn’t justify it. It doesn’t mean what they did was okay. Forgiveness is taking the knife out of your own back and not using it to hurt anyone else. Forgive them not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace. You deserve to be able to let go. Forgiveness prevents their behaviour from destroying your heart. If you haven’t already, I think you should think about this.
And in the end, we shouldn’t see death as a bad thing, as when someone passes away, it creates another beautiful life. Like flowers dying in the winter, making place for beautiful flowers to blossom in the spring. That is, the merry-go-round of life.
I hope you have someone to help you through these difficult times. And remind yourself that it is okay to grieve. It just shows that you have a good heart. I don’t know how it is for you right now but I hope I helped at least a little bit. Take care!
Oh and, life has many different chapters. Don’t let one bad chapter close the book.
-Sorry for the long text and all-
Thank you for this ask. i rlly needed to read it, especially abt the knife metaphor. I didnt live with my grandma as close as my other family members were but I still grew up with her, and her image is everywhere in my family (literally, my grandpa's genes are basically nonexistent). so its really hard to process how to grieve for someone you had a bad relationship with. her death esp impacted my parents and aunts, and there's a certain tension between them now.
for me, Im still learning to forgive and learn how to live without her, but rn its the guilt of not building a happier relationship with her im angry about because after all this time, she is still my grandma. this doesnt mean it justifies the horrible shit she said and done (and shes over 90!), but i feel like i can't make peace with myself when we heard that she finally passed. so thank u for your reassurance through this message. grief is truly hard
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for the warriors ask game :D
🗺 : first map you ever watched?
🖼 : first amv/pmv you ever watched?
(I used to watch MAPs religiously those are my jam)
yay thank you! warriors ask game except the questions are all weird and niche as hell!
know: my memory is bad. i've been into wc for... well over a decade now, so these are probably not accurate xP my first warriors video was i believe a spoof video about ashfur and squirrelflight, but my first map and amv? uhhh unsure!
🗺 : first map you ever watched? - i didn't actively watch maps as a small kid, or at least i don't think i did? the first map that i entirely remember watching was during my second major warriors phase by the time i was closer to... 15 maybe?? as opposed to my earliest memories of wc which are from when i was 10 or younger lol. little fang, which is making me genuinely super misty eyed to rewatch, it's just so so good, from the style to the designs to how well it gets into jayfeather and his family with only animation and music, the composition of every part is so good, the designs, all of it. the sole reason little fang is one of my favorite songs to this day
it might, miiight, have also been evelyn evelyn? that one was certainly one of the first maps i ever watched that stuck with me. the dovewing kinnie has entered chat
🖼 : first amv/pmv you ever watched? - i cannot remember. i watched sooo many amvs as a kid. not my FIRST amv, probably, but one of the earliest i recall is ashfur's revenge, which is delighting me so much to rewatch. this one was formative for me, i miss the style of flash-animated warriors amvs that (obviously:() aren't around anymore.
i also have such a soft spot for tigerclaw is not one of thunderclan,
one i was thinking about the Entire Time i was writing the exile scene in spottedfur's pride lol. i still love it so much, this is my first time rewatching it in like... a decade, im sure. its so good. im kind of blown away as i rewatch these that they ARE as good as they are, cuz i feel like it's common in the warriors fandom to treat old amvs as some cringeworthy lost art (in general i have strong opinions on how (unintentionally)cruel the internet starts being to things as soon as they enter "nostalgia" territory) - but there's still, like, genuine talent in these. there's a reason these amvs were as popular as they were, and not because we were all cringe 10 year olds who didn't know better, lol.
also reminds me of tigerstar and the dog pack(be prepared) - which is one i have the most vivid memory of watching on my family computer, hehe. in general i love corvus katana's stuff, past and current
oh my god i will never get this ask posted because i keep remembering ones that helped, like, form a lobe of my brain growing up. HOW TO SAVE BLUESTAR'S LIFE YOU WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS!!!! I AM TOTALLY NOT CRYING REWATCHING IT. YOU ARE. YOU ARE. cant believe i had a phase where i hated bluestar - i think everyone did because they spontaneously realized she was imperfect, immoral even at times, and made mistakes but hadn't developed the media comprehension to realize she was... actually meant to be complex and troubled and not just a perfect leader. god. bluestar. god. god. g
(im also gonna use this question as a chance to gush about old amvs that i remember that are unfortunately lost to time:
a hollyleaf one to hurricane by thirty seconds to mars (!!!! THIS ONE WAS SO FORMATIVE BUT IM LIKE 80% SURE ITS LOST MEDIA), bluestar heart heart head (PLEASE tell me im not the only one who remembers this one!!! i was devastated to learn it wasn't iconic or reuploaded anywhere (as much as i also think, again, in the nostalgia-sense, people act entitled to things like old amvs or people's art or whatever else)), NIGHTCLOUD GIRL WITH ONE EYE CHANGED MY LIFE?and... probably more of course that aren't coming to me now xP
i. didnt expect to ramble as much as i did with this? i just can't put into enough words how formative warriors amvs and the like were for me growing up :'DD they were my major start for digital art and animation (something i did a lot when i was younger but fell out of over time, but god i'd love to animate again, maybe do a classic wc amv to spottedfur's pride or something lol)
thank you for the question! I am so incredibly normal about warrior cats.
#babbles#wc#warriors#warrior cats#long posts#i knew i had a tag for ask games but uh. dont remember it soz#i poke at it a few times here but i do have strong opinions about how vapid nostalgia culture can be#especially w regards to the early internet where if something is deemed a universal enough experience#people stop caring about the person behind it and it just feels like ppl think its public domain#like a product of collective nostalgia and not a piece of art a person made#see every wacky comment on these amvs like 'Lol remember when THIS was peak animation?? like if youre still here in 2019!!!!'#or there being like a gritty lps popular reboot meant to ~deconstruct~ it#stuff like that. its why even though i was 100% a webcore furry 2000s kid i can never get into the culture surrounding it on tumblr#it feels too ironic for me even if it doesn't mean to be - i would rather art be treated like... art and not as 'haha remember THIS?'#everytime some kid from 2007's old art gets reposted for nostalgiawave animecore whatever i cringe a bit im sorry#unless it's for like. 1) w permission somehow 2) genuinely liking the art itself and not through a lens of 'this is kiddy nonsense lol'#idk i have many opinions. ANYWAY. WARRIOR CATS
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Talk Shop Tuesday! You asked me a really really good question about my art style, so I'd like to bounce it back to you! Are there any specific influences on your art style and/or process that you can pinpoint? How do you feel you incorporate new information and techniques to your existing style?
And, of course, what do you like best about your art style?
yes, i really like this question! i like getting insights into one's artistic journey and what started it.
so, speaking of mine, i was asking the same question and failing miserably at answering it. it just happened? and i went with it?
as for influences i don't think it was any particular media, tho i have been getting quite a few comments that my artstyle (especially in traditional) reminds people of illustrations from various books. and the thing is yes, i can see that, i love illustrations that are done in ink, i did take a lot of inspiration from artists with similar styles and used their art as references when i liked something about it or the way they draw a certain thing. so i guess that's where it all originated and came together.
there's one influence of which im not 100% certainly about but i really really liked How To Train Your Dragon books as a kid and i always loved illustrations in it and how messy and unflattering yet compelling they looked. when i default to drawing characters in a very simplified manner i think there is a slight similarity or, at very least, similar vibe that could be noticed
[id from alt text: a page from How To Train Your Dragon book with very messy pencil drawings of main characters: Hiccup with Toothless on his shoulders, Fishlegs (hiccup's best friend) with Horrorcow and Camicazi./end id]
tho i specifically remember the turning point in drawing eyes, when i decided to stuck with only upper eyelid and the iris after noticing how many other professional artists simplify eyes in their quick sketches or figure drawings, where eyes are not a focal point but they still communicate emotions just as well and look coherent with the rest of a drawing. i just really like how it looked so i adopted it, plus drawing just two dots is fun.
i wouldn't say i learn a bunch of techniques, im still intimidated by actual hatching and learning process for that, im definitely not a jack of all trades when it comes to mediums and art tools. that said, the easiest (for me) way of incorporating something new is by drawing something one time but as detailed as possible and then finding ways to stylise or simplify it in the future. mostly i use it for character designs but it works with a lot of other things too.
and to round it up, i'd say the thing that i like about my artstyle the most is that it has a good balance between being realistic and stylised. it's versatile and gives me a certain freedom to be as detailed or not with what i draw but also doesn't limits me to drawing just one thing (my hyperfixation does). also i think it became somewhat consistent and recognisable in the past few years so that's also a nice thing to have
#a thinker indeed i needed time to answer this on#and thank you!!#talk shop tuesday#inbox#described#id in alt text#.mypost
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Interview with a Ship
A Couple’s interview with
BlyFry
Decided we would kick off this month’s couple interview with our newest editions! Freya and Blythe! @aller-geez Owns Freya 🥰
Alright girls! First question!! Who is the more flirty one out of the two of you?
Oh, most certainly me, Freya is a mess when it comes to flirtations, 🤭 but gosh it surely is adorable when she tries. 😍
Bly 🥺 That’s not fair…I don’t have as much customary knowledge as you for, flirting. I spent the first few centuries of my existence just watching over people, so flirting was something I’ve had to learn through Blythe..
if I’m honest! 👉🏻👈🏻
Awe, that’s so very sweet though, we love learning through our partners!! Question 2! Who would win in a game of hide and seek?
Probably Freya, Im not very patient and I don’t rather enjoy the anxiety that comes with having to stay quiet and still 😬🫥
I would have to agree, as Blythe gave me the training of a lifetime while I was still her Angel. Trying to keep her safe AND avoid being seen definitely kept me on my toes ૮₍ ´ ꒳ `₎ა
Question 3, Who is more codependent?
We’re a bit both codependent I’d say, she risked heaven, I sold my soul….pretty….equally obsessed with one another when you look at it from an outside perspective 🤷🏻♀️
-giggles- exactly! Not everything is a competition, you know~ ( ⸝⸝´꒳`⸝⸝)
Question 4, Who is more willing to compromise?
Me, most certainly. Blythe is a bit more on the stubborn side 🤭
What? I am not! I am super agreeable, and I am always willing to compromise for you! 😩
Sure you are Honey, sure you are 😌
Question 5, who is the more picky eater?
I’ll eat almost anything you give me, unless it has cheese. I hate cheese. Can’t stand the smell, texture or taste. 🤢
I’ll try anything once but the food here is so bland… so I guess that means I’m the picky eater, then, huh? ૮˶´ ᵕˋ ˶ა
Question 6, What makes you worry about the other?
I worry, that someday her choosing me, will eventually take her away from me…and that day, if it were to ever come…I better learn how to slay a God….
My biggest fear is that one day she will regret selling away her soul to spare my fate… she was so young, with so much potential that my stupid decisions took away… -clears her throat and wipes away a single tear from her eye- anyway! We don’t like to think about those kind of things~ ૮₍ ˶•⤙•˶ ₎ა
Question 7, Last question! What is your favorite feature on your partner?
Her jaw, hips, inner thighs….her ass…collar bones…oh my god her ti-…breasts…*clears throat* I’m a big fan. 🫠🤤
Oh gosh, there’s so many good answers here… it’s gotta be a tie! Her gorgeous silver eyes when the sunlight hits them just right… It’s like watching someone smelt platinum, just fascinating and absolutely beautiful at the same time; an art form~ But of course, I can’t forget about the perfect shape of her lips, even the little pout she gets on them whenever she doesn’t get something she wants… -winks at Blythe with a giggle-
And that’s all the questions we have for today! Thank you ladies for indulging with us, and for everyone who takes the time to interact! 😘🥰
#oc#original character#writer#fic writer#Interview with a ship#BlyFry#Blythe Nevrin#freya lorelai#oc questionnaire#IWAS
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this might just be me being insane but-- as i was doomscrolling thru shoppee trying to find cute earrings, i saw body harnesses being advertised to me which like-- okay whatever cosplay stuff but then i noticed it looked like the leather straps on dottore in that one art of him and then i started thinking about the fatui and how even though theyre all "fools", they still continue to pursue their goals. which then made me think that hey. theyre kind of marionettes then, right?
since like-- they all know theyre playing a part, a role-- heck its even in ther job/title descriptions: dottore as the doctor does human experimentation which is the perversion of being a doctor, tartaglia having to fake being mostly fine and okay to his family and presumably the rest of snezhnaya (i personally see him having a sort of celebrity status in snez with how much of a troublemaker he is, a constant source of gossip with how up and front he is with his dealings for the tsaritsa), etc. etc. and a whole bunch of them have straps or some kind of design element that kind of binds or restricts or at least symbolizes that in some way
idk man-- i just wanted to bring up this thing i noticed while doomscrolling. couldve stumbled onto something big or im just insane, i dunno.
and on the earrings thing, i was looking for diluc inspired earrings and every single one i found was out of stock. i feel dead inside. hope you have a better experience online shopping than me, mei :'))
I was a little confused by your use of Doomscrolling, as that normally means you scrolling through constantly absorbing bad news. But I sort of get what you're trying to say.
But let me give you my 2 cents on Fatui's design motif, at least the Harbringer's use of the Commedia dell'arte.
Commedia dell'arte to English translates to "comedy of the profession"
And it's best known for its masks which are used to help build its character exaggeration and helps take them apart for the unmasked and more human characters.
Now let me bring your attention to the Mocking Mask.
Since the stain of my compatriots' blood cannot be cleansed, I shall become The Jester, who laughs in the face of fate.
Since my level of learning could not compare with the sages, I failed to earn the favor of the previous ruler.
So too did I fail to stop them from tearing away the veil of sin, ushering in a tide of divine wrath, destruction, and foolishness...
Then I shall become instead a fool, a Fatuus, and devote myself to Her Majesty, who understands my pain...
My name is Pierro, The Jester. Please listen to the words I have to say:
Proud Fatui comrades, I know your hearts harbor both the fires of rage and the cold of eternal winter.
Each one of us has borne witness to the absurd callousness of the foundational principles of this world.
So, let us don our masks in mockery of the world as we go forth and rewrite the rules of destiny.
With that, let's talk about the saying "A fool's errand." Which simple is a fruitless undertaking. A Task you do that will not work out. So I'm sure you can already see the connection I'm trying to make.
The Fatui's goal is most certainly to break the heavenly principles talked about by the unknown god, as Fatui are people who have been hurt by these principles. My Guess. Pierro and the Tsaritsa lost people during the destruction of Khaenri'ah. They were told it was simply fate. Their fate was to suffer, and both refused to accept this. Thus laughing in the face of fate. And they go on this "Fool's errand" to change the world.
So if there is a marionette angle, it's more about them breaking free of their restraints than them being puppets following roles. And In Tartaglia's lines, you do get the feeling that each harbringer really has their own goal. And In the trailer, it did feel like there was animosity between the Harbingers. And I think this is because they all have their own goals and wishes, only united by their desire to break free from destiny.
And Honestly, I don't see Tartaglia as being any sort of fake. yeah, he lies for the betterment of his little brother. But I've always seen Tartaglia as a person who's extremely honest. He speaks frankly and recognizes that he's not the most moral person in the world, but he has his own values and sticks to them. And while he has his own problems, he's not the type to dwell on it. He just keeps moving forward. He takes everything as it comes and just keeps marching on. That's why In my writing, you don't get a ton of Childe angst simple because I don't think he is the character who likes to angst
So for the straps, I just think it's a normal design choice. It's not nearly as constant in the Harbringer designs for me to think it's a real connecting element. In fact, the harbringer designs so far have been very unique, with no big connecting elements.
While they have a darker color pallet, I wouldn't blame anyone who looked at these characters and couldn't guess that they are all a part of the same group. And I think that works better for the theme of defiance heck, even each of their outfits in the trailer had its unique elements.
#the harbingers#childe#tartaglia#la signora#scaramouche#il dottore#general genshin thoughts#genshin theory
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Pretentious ceramic artist rant incoming
[[MORE]]
So my partner rents studio space at a local pottery place. Its ran by a woman who basically just had a shit ton of money and wanted to get into it so. you can kind of imagine. that its not like. the most well ran place. Not to say its bad but like. Anyways.
My partner went to school with me, so formally trained in pottery, is a really great artist, has been doing tech stuff since being in school. Sometimes helps out the studio by loadin/unloading and firing kilns. He got in a bit of an arguement (barely could be called that tbh) with a woman theyve hired as a tech. Who is still IN school (3rd or 4th year which usually isnt ooooverly qualified for doing tech thibgs unsupervised n very much still learning- i certainly wouldnt have been able to be a tech at that point). Because he loaded a class kiln, confirmed with management he was ok to, but she had wanted to do it a later day. This was also after he had mentioned in their communications for people to keep him in the loop about things because he was recently helping out, because he had to fix work that got stuck to shelves when other people had apparently already changed their mind about doing that for them.
So anyways he loads this kiln. Has to get mad at that tech because she stacked kiln shelves (which are VERY EXPENSIVE) in a way that is very bad for them and makes them likely to crack. No kiln shleves anywhere are ever stored stacked on each other. This is taught to you. And she only put fresh kiln wash on literally 1 shelf. (kiln wash is a refractory paint that keeps glaze from sticking to the shelves- if anything sticks to a shelf and exposes it, it needs rewashed, and routinely to keep them in good shape). Also her cone packs (a cone is a thing that melts at a set temp so you know how hot the kiln gets) were falling apart and made with the wrong style of cone and just bad. So he used his own.
So he loads it. does all this extra work washing shelves n shit. is worried cause its a little tight. gets yelled at for doing it at all by this woman. She removes his cone packs.
we dont hear anything for awhile
then we find out they had to unload the WHOLE KILN because apparently "someone" had gotten "suspicious" that the kiln wash had glaze in it- which is VERY BAD. Because glaze is the OPPOSITE of kiln wash and turns into GLASS and would have FUSED THE WHOLE KILN LOAD TOGETHER.
so she probably realized she mixed glaze into it somehow (which is WILD because HOW THE FUCK that such a massive mistake) and was mad because she had to tel someone now that she couldnt fix it before the kiln was loaded .. like im just. speechless.
this woman should not be in a tech position.
and this also really reinforces my belief that hobby potters REALLY need to fucking humble themselves and stop trying to be proffessional potters with nothing more than a community college course or half a bachelors degree like. i DONT want to say u need education to be an artist or make a living. but CERAMICS is VERY FUCKING TECHNICAL. you can KILL PEOPLE by using the wrong glaze or misfiring a kiln. and you can poison and maim people in A LOT OF OTHER WAYS. And just. blindly working under the assumption you know enough is so god damn reckless. Like that would have been a several hundred if not thousands of dollars worth of equipment of a mistake for the company. let alone all the student and studio proffessional's work in the kiln that would have been unsalvagable.
like i love potters and small business and i DEFINITELY know how hard it is to get going and you gotta just do things but like. Ask for fucking help. Ask someone more knowledgable to shadow you while you do things on your own the first few times just to make sure you are doing it right. potters are some if the most community minded art people ve ever known. they would help. Its unacceptable.
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HI OKAY I PROMISE IM NOT GONNA SPOIL THE ENTIRE FIRST HALF FOR YOU BUT UH HERES THE NEXT SCENE ALSO IM SORRY THE READMORE MAKES THE FORMATTING WEIRD BUT I ALSO DONT WANT PEOPLE TO HAVE TO SCROLL THROUGH MY LONG ASS STORY JUST TO SEE YOUR ART ALSO PLEASE LIVE REACT AGAIN ITS ALWAYS THE BEST WHENEVER YOU DO THAT FOR ANYTHING
Read it below!
“I do believe it would be in our best interests to find other ways to meet,” Alexedar jolted and whirled around, momentarily blinded by his hair. Alocer raised an eyebrow at Alexedar’s reaction, clearly fighting to keep the corners of his mouth from twitching upwards.
“I can’t say I see what you mean,” Alexedar turned his head away, speaking with a confidence he didn’t feel, “we are in a garden, and not alone. I’d say this is as different a way to meet as one could ask.”
“I disagree with your saying that we are not alone. I see few around, and none close enough to see what we do, let alone hear what we say.”
“It is still a public space. Any could come here at any moment.”
“A storage closet is just as public as anything.”
“All were preoccupied with dinner. It may as well have been as private as my own bedroom.”
“I was able to slip away. Any others could’ve done the same. And, as you referenced your bedroom, may I inquire about it?”
“I feel as though this conversation teeters on the edge of becoming less than appropriate.”
Alocer grinned like a shark that tasted blood.
“Less than appropriate? I merely asked of your bedroom. It is entirely you if that question brought forth inappropriate ideas.”
“Perhaps, though your grin certainly makes it seem as though that had been your intent.”
“I grin because you made an assumption I guessed you would. I do so very enjoy being proven right.”
“Are there any that enjoy being wrong?”
“I suppose it depends on who it is proving you wrong. Someone you hate, you will be very angry. Someone you love dearly, more than anything, stronger than you could even fathom, I don’t think you’d mind.”
“You speak of this person like you already know them. Do you?”
“No, I don’t, but I’d very much like to. Also, you’re changing the topic.”
“If my guess at your question being inappropriate was wrong, what had you meant?”
“I’ve found you can learn much about someone from the room they sleep in. Is it clean, how is it decorated, is it bright or dark, where it is, all very useful information.”
Alexedar laughed, and, had he kept his eyes open while he did so, he would’ve been able to glimpse the face of a man who saw rapture, salvation, on Alocer.
“I see your tricks! You wish only to know where my room is, likely for your nefarious and inappropriate schemes.”
“Ah, you have caught me red handed. I admit, I do wish to know where your chambers lie. In only a few days of being in this gilded city, you, and our one meeting, has been the most interesting and riveting thing I have encountered. I’d enjoy knowing where to find you. May I sit?” he gestured at the small alcove Alexedar had claimed.
“You may,” Alocer nodded his head in thanks before sitting far too gracefully for his size.
Their spot was a semi circle carved into the wall of the castle. It had been carved deep into the stone, leaving more than enough room for one to comfortably sit on it. Soft algae and seaweed was used to create cushions for the bottom. While the seat was deep, it wasn’t exactly long, which caused Alexedar to have to curl up to make enough room. Even then, Alexedar could feel the warmth from Alocer’s tail.
Their banter was something Alexedar couldn’t explain. He’d bever talked to someone like that for that long, not even Ava. It left him feeling brave, brave enough to uncurl his tail and let it brush Alocer’s.
For a fraction of a second, the prince seemed to be taken off guard, before the expression was smothered and his larger, stronger tail pressed closer.
Not inappropriate my ass.
In an attempt to not make it known how a simple touch could make him feel, Alexedar started to speak.
“You said I was the most interesting thing you’ve seen and met in your time in Alternate. I have to ask, is Alternate really that boring?”
“Is Alternate boring, or you very interesting?”
“I’d have to say Alternate is very boring, then, as much as it pains me to say that of my home.”
“You do not think you yourself could be interesting? Yet you have captured the friendship of a princess.”
“I am interesting to her as she has known me a long time. You’ve known me barely an evening,” as he said that, however, Alexedar could feel that what he was saying wasn’t really true.
When the two returned to the hall, arm in arm, it had caused a hush to fall. Alexedar was certain that if he had been on his own, he would’ve dashed back to the closet again, but Alocer had been there. He had kept them both going to the table and had gotten Alexedar to his spot before returning to his own. When conversation started again, Alocer kept Alexedar in it, repeatedly starting talks between the two of them.
Alexedar hadn’t seen the prince for days after that, until the garden.
“Perhaps it has only taken an evening for me to find you incredibly intriguing. So intriguing, in fact, I’d like to know where you lay so that I may find you easier.”
“You will not give up on that question, shall you?”
“No.”
“It will not be as easy as you seem to think to find and retrieve me for conversation. My rooms are in the royal wing, well and heavily guarded.”
“I have many ways, but I shall simply thank you for telling me. This garden is quite lovely. That is Neptune grass, there?”
“Yes, it is.”
“It is very lovely. I’ve only ever read of it, though I’ve desired to see it in truth for years. If I had known your kingdom had a garden of it, I’d have begged to accompany my mother on trade deals. Were you aware it is considered the slowest growing seagrass? It must have taken ages to curate that kind of growth.”
Maybe it was the banter, maybe it was because of the large Ecklonia Cava blocking their alcove from being in view, maybe it was the way Alocer looked when starting to talk about seagrass, of all things, but, whatever the reason, Alexedar slowly manoeuvred his halfmoon tail so that it could twine around the larger’s.
Alocer stopped talking for a moment, rose creeping up from his neck and to his cheeks, before his tail curled around Alexedar’s and he continued to talk, though quieter.
Alexedar was honestly surprised that the prince allowed their position at all. It was seen as intimate, to say the least, to have one's tail around another’s like they were. It was seen as something only lovers alone did.
The two sat together for a long time, intertwined in a small alcove hidden away from others and prying eyes. Just the two of them, peaceful and beautiful.
————————————————————
ALRIGHT TIME FOR ANOTHER SEMI LIVE BLOGGG
Alocer teasing alexedar about his room please they’re so cute djsjjjsdj
“SOMEONE YOU LOVE DEARLY”??? OKAY I SEE HOW IT IS
Two bros, sitting in an alcove, no feet apart because they’re PINING
WAGHHHH THE TAIL TOUCHES,,,,,
THEM COMING BACK ARM IN ARM IN DEAD SILENCE IS SO FUNNY IMAGINE WHAT EVERYONE IS FUCKIGN THINKING DJSJSJSJSK
plant nerd alexedar lets gooo talk about that sea grass assjdjdk
OH MY GOD SILAS THAT ENDING PLEASE THATS SO SOFT,,,,AND TENDER,,,,,,,I LOVE THIS IM SMILING AT MY PHONE AND A TEACHER JUST PASSED I THINK SHE THINKS IM GOING INSANE
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omg im soo sorry to hear about what has happened with your crush! the situation is so horrible and your frustration is completely valid! i hope your okay. crushes get can complicated ive given up on them now tbh. listen to loads of music, watch shows and films you like and just do loads of things you enjoy thats how i heal! i heard somewhere that like starting a new hobby or like game or something can also help cus it takes your mind off things and gives you something new to focus on. so like idk maybe read a new book or knit something or paint something. (personally i like sculpting and playing with clay i find it very therapeutic) (even just like play-dough) always remember your brave, strong and super cool.
~🦈🗯🧍♂️(me shouting at him)
🦈👯♀️🐈(us dancing off into the sunset together cus men suck)
Hi hi my dearest, lovely Sharky anon!! 🥰❤🙏 It's very pleasant to see your message in my ask box once again!! :D
Thank you so so much, i really needed to hear that 🥰🥰🙏 I've lately been listening to 3 particular songs that currently relate to my situation:
1 ) Du Lügst (You Lie) – OOMPH!
2 ) The Hills – The Weeknd (the slowed version always gets me...it's so intense somehow :"))
3 ) Labios Compartidos (Shared Lips) – Maná
These 3 songs have helped me feel related with what's currently going on, and somehow, even if I relate to them, they still help me chill & get a bit distracted from all the tension & the upset/overwhelming feelings i've been dealing with. I've been doing just as you said! Crushes are so messy sometimes, and only make you feel overwhelmed...so!! I decided to learn new things such as maths, physics, forensics, read books about the topics i like the most, i even began writing some requests in my draft once again!
The same day i found out about this situation, my dad and i began watching GoT and we got so hooked up on it! It helped me forget about the frustration and annoyance, and entertained me a lot :) So, it's definitely nice to learn new things and watch good shows & movies while eating garbage food, definitely takes your stress out.
Have you heard of Art Therapy? I've done it and, hell, i never realised how therapeutic and relaxing painting could be. I need to read more about it, but it's basically focused on painting and drawing and it helped me so much to get my mind off these things.
It's...confusing as hell, and certainly disappointing, but I guess it's healing, and rather quickly, i'm glad to say :) I guess it might be because not only i know i don't stand a chance w/him (which is irrelevant at this point considering what i'm about to say rn lmao), but because now i know he's got a whole family with a wife that recently she said on her profile that she now wants a baby girl, and instead of focusing on them, he's focusing on some random girl he barely talks to and just stares at...
i guess, things happen for some reason, right? Maybe, this happened for a good reason, and spared me some (awful and inconvenient) trouble! So the best i can do for now, is turn down all his staring and non-verbal flirting and begin to focus on myself & my well being. I realised, some crushes are lame and not worth the pain.
Thank you so so much for your nice words!! ❤❤❤💕😍😍 I will keep finding new hobbies like you said, and I'm going to try new things and forget about all this unnecessary mess. 🥰
(p.s: honestly? Dancing off into the sunset doesn't sound bad at all! Might as well need it, and forget about the world 😂💃💃👭💕)
#i feel cheated#cheater boyfriend#sadbeautifultragic#big thanks to my beloved sharky anon who never fails to make me smile <3#He cheated#Cheater bf#Self healing#If sad check this tag#Self love#Cheater husband#Sad poetry
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hELLO~!♡
TOSSING AN EXCUSE ASK FOR U TO TALK ‘BOUT ART STUFFF
(When you’re ready for it! Or want to!)
Would you mind talkin’ a bit about proper shading? Any techniques, helpful rules-of-thumb, or how to at least start going about it?
whole ‘pretend there's a sun just behind frame’ method only gets me so far when shadows physics hasn’t clicked in my brain 😭
the biggest rule of thumb I have is just “pick a light source” 😭, so that might be disappointing, but it’s probably the best and most basic thing out there, and even then to this day i still make mistakes. I’d hardly call it proper. Legit if im gonna add any kind of shading, my first decision is picking where i want the fake light source to come from. If anything, that probably should be anyones first choice IF they include value at all. Just pick an arbitrary spot u THINK “””light””” could go, and in most cases, the shadow tends to be opposite of where the light hits cuz light isn’t hitting there at all.
But, light hits different things and shapes differently 😩 so that changes things too🗿, same with light intensity, etc etc. but we all learn that. Or how shadows can get darker the further away it is etc etc (usually applies to 3d objects more tho), You know that part of any art class that most of us ignore since “elements of art” is boring and nobody wants anything to do with it until “oh wait maybe i did need that” kicks in.
Then there’s the “BUT WHAT IF THERE’S MORE THAN ONE LIGHT SOURCE??” which i’m certainly not touching, but usually that isn’t dealt with too much.
If none of that makes sense (and im sorry if it doesnt, sometimes dissecting second nature things can be a bit difficult), here’s a bad example using the only drawing i could find— using an overly stylized cartoon character whose dimensions are already pretty unclear to demonstrate how light source can affect things
Tho maybe that also demonstrates how lighting can change the tone of an image too.
I don’t really have any special techniques beyond that either, since I’ve always been pretty okay at mentally picturing things and had a lot drilled into my system. But, i mean. We all have phones with flashlights, so if someone really wanted to they could just flash their light on something and,,,, o-observe…frOM ….rEAL LIFE—- 🤢🤢 (Jokes aside, real life is ur best resource).
But if u “dont know” where a light source is or just dont wanna pick one but u REALLY wanna include value/shading and it’s gonna destroy you if you don’t, you’re gonna have to swallow that pill and pick one (chances are, WHERE doesnt matter, unless it’s specifically called for). Cuz shadows dont exist without light in the first place, yknow 😭😭
#cozy ask#cant count how often someone will go ‘where do i put the shadows’#then get asked ‘where’s ur light source’#and they go ‘i dont know’#WELL THEN NO ONE CAN ANSWER WHERE ANYTHING CAN GO#AINT NO DIRECTION
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everything in my life is changing
there's no simple way of starting off a writing like this.
but lots of things in my life have been changing, both external and internal forces. i really want to talk about as much of it as i can.
this is sort of a mental health update, an overdue one.
voreburger made this art. im embracing the fact that im a creature nowadays.
–
kicking old habits
it's sort of a weird think to think about how my first two years living independently have been defined by both the pandemic and the widespread unrest across the country in the most politically radicalized displays ive ever seen up close and with my own conscious experiences. it's been very terrifying, but sobering.
in all of that, though, i found myself arguing and fighting more online than i ever have. which is certainly saying something, if you know how i was in the past online. i think these days, my personal beliefs are far more noble and informed than in my past, but despite that i think it's been really unreasonable to go about life as i had been for a while. being confrontational and assertive in this way has always been a very unhealthy side of me.
needless to say, many of the events of the past year and a half — especially confrontations with people i had known before — ushered in a realization that this is something i need to change about myself. it didn't matter if what i was fighting for was moral or noble in any way. it's genuinely just time that i stopped fighting with people all the time. one of the biggest reasons i've accepted this is especially out of fear of going off on someone who genuinely isn't a bad person or acting out of place, and i'm just overreacting or whatever. in most cases, now, i think it's just best to remove myself from situations that could evoke those feelings and learn to be more graceful. its just bad for my mental health, and it's not like it helps anyone else's mental health either. i don't have to be everyone's teacher or moral compass. if someone's a passive asshole, i should probably just preserve my own energy and protect the people that matter to me.
i think this is healthier for everyone.
in general, the transition between teenager-ness and adulthood was so grey and uninformed. its so weird. when you become a legal "adult", it really doesnt feel like anything's changed. when you become aware of your responsibilities and start to examine aspects of yourself that are certainly negative or toxic especially as an adult, THEN it starts to feel like something is happening. but for a while, it was such a grey area and lots of things didnt make sense. i think i have a much better grip on who i am and what i'm supposed to be doing these days.
i took this photo back in late 2016 during some depressive episode. i used it for the cover of my small album project "apathy". its nostalgic and cool looking, but i cant help but think about how i was still very much an unhinged dickhead then. its amazing how much people just tolerated me somehow.
—
cutiemarks; new traumas & old memories
cutiemarks is certainly the most personal and transparent music project i've ever made, and it's not a coincidence that it was written when it was. there are so many stories ive thought about in my head and they all began to fill my heart as drastic things began to happen throughout the last year and a half.
i'm grateful nobody's really prodded about it, but yeah i went through the hardest breakup and most intense social crisis i've ever faced in my entire life at the beginning of 2021. i examined the events of my life and personality as a result of it. i began to experience an unbearable and continued social anxiety and dysphoria unparalleled to anything i'd come to know as well. i'm still in that too, but i hung out with galaxysquid the other week. it was the first time in over a year i had chosen to see someone that isnt a roommate on my own accord. that was a big step for me. cutiemarks is what took shape from all this turmoil.
when thinking about my past memories, i go through a lot of my photos. but none compare to this one. i always come back to this one of me and sylver working on super pony world (2016) in 2015 at a coffee shop.
—
accepting changes and learning things about myself
these are all big things. but as i worked and as i began to spend time in new spaces, falling in love with eden, and taking a step back from everything, i realized how much stuff was happening under the surface that was affecting me on a much bigger level than i would've ever expected.
i came to accept my being neurodivergent, something i never felt like i could've understood or accepted in the past. it explains so many things about myself and has helped me understand a lot of things that have long puzzled me. i've been discovering ways of articulating it all better and living with it. lots of things & mindsets i used to write off as trivial or unhelpful are now becoming important aspects of my life that help me stay organized and think better. it's all been positive. understanding how i process information and respond to things as a result of the way my brain works has been super important too. when things become less of a mystery about yourself, it's super cathartic and just opens up a whole buncha shit in your brain.
coming to terms with my introversion and boundaries is another huge thing. i've always been such a pushover when it comes to social things. it had gotten to the point where i was having panic attacks about like everything. so i've been putting my [hoof] down more about who i want to be around and what i want my spaces to look like. i still felt obligated to stay connected with lots of different people who'd been around since even my edgiest days. and again, i'm not going to be a moral compass for anyone, but i'm just not comfortable around those kinds of people anymore. i want to be around people who make me happy and comfortable. i want to be able to take a deep breath and relax.
setting more boundaries and unfollowing a lot of people who i felt obligated to has been something ive been needing to do too. and now i'm finally doing it. ive been too accessible and too open for too long, and it had gotten to the point where my current place as a creator and my level of introversion and lack of attention span has made it impossible to be who i used to be. i used to respond to every comment and answer every message and thats just totally unrealistic now!
this is literally how i feel (art made by eden <3)
—
being a musician, shifts in perspective, and realizations
between antonymph and lesbian ponies with weapons, i think everyone can feel what i've been thinking lately. and that is: fuck it.
i grew up in music elitism in all the worst ways. i was always in all the wrong spaces, all of which often felt like they perpetuated elitism in some way. my ego was sooooooooo huge for the lonnnnnngest time and even when i finally stopped feeling so pretentious and competitive, feelings of being a perfectionist and feeling limited to what things i was allowed to do in creativity still persisted. after putting out "queen of misfits" i realized that i should be able to do whatever i want within moral reason. so i decided to do just that with the direction i shifted "fairytails" in — then even further with "cutiemarks".
i realized that feeling boxed in creatively perpetuated feelings of depression and competitiveness in the most unhealthy ways. learning to have fun and to create however i felt was huge.
i also realized ive felt inhibited by all my client work, and thats something im going to change a lot moving forward. it's felt difficult to work on any personal projects while client work has loomed over me. ive also definitely not been charging nearly enough to how much i should be. so, moving forward im going to raise my prices a lot more, take very limited slots, and be a lot more reasonable out of it. and i dont want to take anymore commissions for a while anyway. i have a huge queue and its only recently dawned on me how stressed out its been making me feel. i wanna power through everything i have in my queue and then just finally get to working on Promise Complex. i feel so giddy and excited thinking about all the ideas ive been ruminating on for years with regards to the album. i wanna get thru my commissions so i can finally make my dream album.
my creative space feels so comfortable and full though. its like whenever i have an idea for anything i can just jump right on it. its nice.
—
so what does it all mean?
how do i summarize this. honestly, it's high time i lived my life the way i want to. i want to curate my own spaces without feeling guilty that someone will feel left out or jealous. i want to talk to who i want to and answer when i feel comfortable to, rather than doing anything because i feel obligated to. i want to be clear about my boundaries and not feel guilty for having them. i want to create in the ways i want to and denounce elitism for my sake and for the sake of other creators. i want to stop fighting and being a moral compass, especially so as not to hurt well-meaning people in the process. i need to be aware and attentive to how my brain works and just make all the right choices for myself.
i've been making new friends, embracing old ones, it all feels really good. honestly eden, pico/klez, lucas, bunny, izzy, hazel, jamie, kai, chiba, ricky, neko, you've all had such a huge influence on my life in the most positive ways possible. i'm so happy about life.
as a result of all the changes ive been making and all the shifts in my mentality, i've been able to talk about my problems more openly and transparently. i've been able to work out a lot of things and sort things out. it's so refreshing. it feels so refreshing to be able to just talk freely, tell people to their face how i'm feeling. no more games. no more hints. i love life and i love trying to feel positive. i've learned to deal with hard things with a smile, something i never expected to be able to do.
since the big breakup, things have improved for both of us and we're actually the best of friends and actually we're soooooo cool and we'll take on the world as best friends because we're so cool. i think bun is amazing and i think hazel is amazing too. i really love eden and i think we're going to do so many cool things too. as a result of falling in love with eden and making a lot of life changes, ive felt more expressive and colourful than ever before, which i think is something very different than what im used to. its a good thing. its all good shit. forever it felt like i didnt have real emotions and now theres colour in my cheeks as i can feel feelings for what seems like the first time ever.
so. i've learned to be graceful in new ways. and i've learned to be more assertive in others. all my friends are the coolest. eden is the love of my life. and i have so many things i want to create.
thanks for reading this all the way through if you did. it's not organized very well, but it articulates my feelings as they've come.
(we love each other actually)
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ANIME & MANGA I HAVE BINGED IN THE LAST MONTH: May 2021
I've Been Hunting Slimes for the Past 300 Years and Now Ive Maxed Out My Level: incredibly long name aside, cute af slice of life that suffers Same Face Syndrome. I'm still happy to watch it because of how feel good and fluffy it is though, Im probably gonna forget about it in two or three years tho. 8/10.
Don't Toy With Me, Miss Nagatoro: I found out this was a webcomic first and suddenly all the HORNINESS made so much more sense. A Femdom, Degradation, Humiliation, Dacryphilia Bullies to Lovers story disguised as a high school rom-com which, I'm not going to lie, misses SKEEVY CITY by mere inches on a regular basis. However, I'm a Dom/Switch and this entire relationship sets off my dom brain center like New York City just shy of midnight. So if you're into that sort of scene, this anime is for you. If not, it's still fascinating but you're probably gonna be a little put off by how mean the Girl!Bully is to the guy MC. Unless you find out something about yourself, in which case, congrats! Stay safe, sane, consensual, and learn about the traffic light system on top of safe words, I promise you'll have a better life in general after that. Still Ongoing, currently 10/10.
Fruits Basket: IM GONNA CRY I LOVE THIS ANIME SO MUCH???? The original anime came out when I was in... I think middle school and my parents were really strict on what I watched so I never got to experience the first wave and I never bothered to watch the show ever after I moved out of the house years later. However, now that I'm much older I honestly can say this is one of my favorite anime to date, and all the characters are charming, lovable, with their own problems that I can connect to or sympathize with, and I love the MC which is always a treat tbh. Except Akito. Akito can suck a sandpaper dick. I'm only on S2 tho so no spoilers! Anime 11/10.
Monster Girl Doctor: went in thinking it was gonna be a monster girl who's a doctor with a homoerotic assistant (her name is SAPPHY okay sue me for thinking it) and ended up watching the entire dubbed harem series. Honestly, I've seen worse and this one has consistent follow-through on interesting characters and backstory enough for me to shove aside the blatant under-monstrousness of the female monsters and the harem-ness of everything else. Dubbing is honestly really good, which is a treat, and the monster designs are not the worst and the MC is tolerable. Honestly, I don't mind having watched it! The mix of cgi and the traditional animation together work pretty strangely though, and it often doesn't flow super well. 7.5/10
So I'm a Spider, So What: Dubbed version which honestly isn't that bad. Took me a bit to get into it, but after realizing that it's got a mismatched timeline a la The Witcher, it made so much more sense. Heavily done in cgi, and you can definitely tell between the 2D and 3D animations, but not the worst in the world. I went in not expecting much but it ended up being an Issekai I can stand and even enjoy. On god has a decent story... with the spider. I'd be a liar if I didnt say I skipped some of the human parts just to get back to the best part of the show. 8/10.
Somali and the Forest Spirit: I'm so fucking nostalgic for this thing it makes me want to go and hug my dad. About a human girl under threat of being eaten with a monster-dominated world. Very obvious "humans fear what they don't understand" message but instead of the humans learning tolerance it's what happens when they get annihilated first so like, kudos for the mangaka for having the guts to do that. I cried like a baby regularly. It's really good, I watched the dub and ID WATCH IT AGAIN!!! 9/10.
To Your Eternity: Oh my god. O h my g o d. Fell in love on the first episode, ngl. About if an immortal being learned how to be a person from scratch. I love it. HOWEVER. Keep a box of tissues on you at all times because you're gonna need them. I'm only on EP7 because that's all that's out right now but just know. I love it. Not for everyone but certainly for my "what do we define as human and the human condition" ass. 12/10.
Those Snow White Notes: A sports anime without any sports. About shamisen playing which is cool because I never realized how cool this instrument was??? Its neat af. OP1&2 are by Burnout Syndrom so know theyre fire. Gonna be real, its pretty alright, but not extraordinary. You can tell they were using the characters as archetypes rather than actually characters which kinda kills a lot of the emotional value you could've had, but I'm still gonna watch it. It doesn't make me cringe as hard as other sports anime tho so I consider it toptier in that regards but if you're a big sports anime fan you might be bummed out by it. Every single musical performance is INCREDIBLE tho. A solid 8/10.
Toilet Bound Hanako-kun: THE ART OMFG IT'S SO GORGEOUS. Listen, if you took coptic markers and gave them an animation budget with some manga panel direction thrown in there, that's this anime. It's beautiful. Gorgeous. I'm in love with the aesthetic every second. Story? Really good. Characters? I love the MC and his evil little twin brother asshat. Demons? Not super imaginative but I'm carrying on happy as can be anyways. Dubbing? A bit shaky at times but I found the voices charming if a little off for some of them. I'm already waiting for the second season with popcorn at the ready. 10/10.
Prison School: I watched this directly after Hanako-kun and it was like I got slapped in the face by sweaty unwashed titties and some fedora wearing schmuck's piss kink. No character is likable or redeemable. I finished it, but at what cost? 2/10 and only because a character shit his pants and I laughed.
Sleepy Princess in the Demon Castle: watched this right after Prison School and it was NECESSARY tbh. Its so CUTE and honestly, im not even kidding you, the fucking funniest anime I've seen in months. I watched the dub and the VAs are having the time of their lives working on this anime not just giving it their all but literally just going ham. Its great. If I read this im sure id be bored outta my mind but the VAs giving it a joyous performance make it an insta fave for me tbh. 9/10.
Sk8 the Infinity: i watched the dub with my bro and I can confirm that its a spectacular show because we both loved it and we have vastly different tastes. Incredibly SUSPENSFUL AND STRESSFUL for an anime about skateboarding but we finished it in a single sitting tbh. The last episode is not dubbed for some reason but we still loved it. Like if Free! was less obnoxious but the only fan-service here is Joe ♡ a beefcake who owns my lesbian heart. I think there's exactly one named female character tho and I legit couldn't tell you what it was if there was a gun to my head. So, over all, 9.5/10.
That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime: I'm going to be entirely honest, I went in thinking it was going to be a boring isekai of no value. I was right about the Isekai part. It was honestly pretty interesting and focused on nation building like you're playing civilization rather than the usual "Get Stronger" narrative or "Get Some Pussy" narrative most isekais take which is delightfully refreshing. Granted there are flavors of that in this which means it doesn't alienate the big isekai watchers out there, but it's not the whole dish and it doesn't make me want to cringe the same way others do. You've got a slime MC just vibing and building a nation of monsters nbd. Does lose points for making the female monsters more humanoid than their male counterparts but makes them back by only doing perfunctory fan-service and nothing that makes me want to cry... except the butt sumo episode but in fairness it was all a terrible dream. Literally, the MC refuses to dream anymore after that. solid animation, decent voice acting, decent story, made me realize how HUGE this is in the Light Novel community???? There's like 18 fucking novels and that's WILD. 8.5/10.
MANGA:
Spirit Photographer Saburo Kono: a one shot special by the mangaka of The Promised Neverland! Honestly a really delicate touch of both super creepy and really touching, and I'm not gonna lie I'm bummed that this isn't a bigger project but the single chapter makes it a good taste for their style. I've been wondering if I wanna read/watch The Promised Neverland and now I think I will. 10/10
Deranged Detective Ron Kamonohashi: from the mangaka of Hitman Reborn comes this Sherlock and Watson derivative! Not even 20 chapters out yet with a sort of spotty schedule, I honestly love it even thought it's exactly as you expect. HOWEVER. Kamonohashi the "Sherlock" character uses mental pressure to kill all confirmed murderers and it's up to Toto the "Watson" character to save all those people before Kamonohashi kills them! It's just recently introduced a "Moriarty" family of crime lords (not a big spoiler don't worry it was obvious) so the tension surrounding Ron's past is amping up rn. Personally, I think the art is GORGEOUS, the characters engaging, and the story quick enough to keep my interest. Most mysteries are solved within a chapter or two so you're not stuck 20 chapters into one locked room mystery which is just peachy tbh. RN, 10/10. If this gets an anime, I anticipate a legion of fangirls who ship the two main characters along with their many friends. I've been alive too long to believe otherwise.
Don't Toy with Me, Miss Nagatoro: Yeah I read the manga after I watched the show. A slower build than the anime, but it works for the format, if theyd done the same with the show then I don't think it wouldve done as well. Honestly? Cuter tbh but just as horny. You dont start really LEARNING about your character until like, chap 65 tho and no real "drama" happens until like 75. A good chunk of the chapters are like 8pgs so its a breeze to get through. I love these slow burn idiots of the century. 9.5/10 because you can DEFINITELY tell the mangaka does hentai too.
Yugen's All-Ghouls Homeroom: one-shot by the mangaka for Food Wars, it's no wonder there's this constant perviness from the MC, a guy who can see and exorcise spirits. Takes place at an all girl's finishing school with KICK ASS monsters tbh, kinda bummed its not longer. The MC? Blatant monsterfucker who is also a CONFRIMED monsterfucker???? Idk i vibe with that single emotion. Everything else is hit or miss. 7/10 for monsters and cool concept, lost points for the MC very pointedly being okay with admitting he'd wait for the teenagers to be adults tho. Creepy af. Could live without that.
Hell's Paradise: I finished the entire 127chps in 3 days and I was really enthusiastic about it 90% of the time thinking about how deep it was and then I actually thought about it and I ended up being very neutral about the whole thing tbh. The art is fantastic tho, but DEFINITELY deserving of the M rating. Tits. Tits everywhere. But not tits to be ecchi over, no, monster hermit tits on beautiful women-ish figures. Now generally I give that a pass but a huge theme in the story is that men and women are "no better than one or the other" but like, lady tits are what you see 99% of the time. Men tits are few and far between. I call bullshit on most of the "deep" themes is what I'm saying, so it's like the mangaka was trying for those deep thoughts but missed the margin a little too far for my preference. That being said, the MC is a married man who loves his wife which automatically makes him my favorite character so like... idk so many good things, so many misses, but overall really spectacular themes and imagery. Unique but classic all at once. It's getting an anime and I have NO IDEA how much censorship they're gonna be doing but they're going to be doing SO MUCH. Oh yeah, and one guy is a plant/human hybrid who fucks a 1000 year old plant-hermit which makes him a canon monster fucker. And one canon non-binary character who I, a nonbinary, actually like. So like... gosh I've got mixed feelings. 8.5/10.
Choujin X: From Sui Ishida, mangaka to the mega hit Tokyo Ghoul comes this brand new manga!... Of one chapter, lol. Not really binge-y because it's just the one chapter out right now but I'm already keeping my eye on it. The grasp on anatomy in the art is PHENOMENAL and you can see Ishida flexing his art skill which is great. Can't give a true rating but I'm giving it a tentative 9/10 because I'm excited to see more.
Shag&Scoob: technically not a manga, its an ongoing webcomic I binged an subscribed to in one day and I just think it deserves more attention. Starts off funny with "what if Scooby Doo had a gun" and has been led to "what if all cartoons are aliens that survive and receive their powers by the humans that love them in an epic war with Martians." On god, its good. I finished the current series in a couple hours so it's a breezy read, highly recommend it. 9/10.
To Your Eternity: Yeah I watched the anime and then finished all current 143 chapters in like 3 days. GOD IM WEAK. I don't buy physical manga unless I know I want to remember the story forever and I'm already budgeting for the current books out. Yeah, this is a good series. That being said, definitely not for the faint of heart or those who suffer under common triggers like suicide, molestation, death, etc. It's all framed as bad and necessary to the story don't get me wrong, but it's there and has lasting affects on the characters. Incredible story telling by the creator of A Silent Voice. Keep tissues nearby at all times. 12/10.
#i've been killing slimes for 300 years and maxed out my level#don't toy with me miss nagatoro#spirit photographer saburo kono#fruits basket#deranged detective ron kamonohashi#yugen's all-ghoul's homeroom#monster girl doctor#so i'm a spider so what#somali and the forest spirit#to your eternity#jigokuraku#hell's paradise#choujin x#shag and scoob#toilet bound hanako kun#prison school#sk8 the infinity#that time i got reincarnated as a slime
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another trans man fixated on Martin here!! 💕
could i request some NSFW of an ftm S/O teasing Martin while hes on the phone trying to do another interview as The Count? not a lot of talking from the S/O while hes on the phone, mostly physical stuff & feeling him up thru his clothes. the rest is up to you >:)))
(def going to use as a drawing prompt im just so so embarrassed to request off anon 😔😔😔)
Alright, so, this prompt has been living in my head rent-free ever since I first read it and I am so freaking excited to finally get to it. I’m sorry it took so long. I will admit this was a bit of a challenge for me because I am notoriously bad at writing dialogue. But I feel like it was good practice. Sorry if it sounds a little stilted in spots, I’m still learning.
Please, please, please link me to that art if you ever get around to it! You knocked it out of the park with this prompt and I’d love to give the art some love if you’re comfortable with sharing!
The Count Didn’t Count on This – Martin Mathias (Trans-Masculine Reader) – NSFW.
· It’s late, and for once, you’re exactly where you feel you should be at this late hour—not sprawled across a chair reading, or gazing out of the window, watching the cars pass and counting the neighbours’ lights as they flick on and off in lieu of stargazing. And for the first time in at least a week, you’re not trapped at your desk, frantically typing the final draft of a paper, hindered by the slow keys of a typewriter that does not care a whit about the deadline steadily hurtling toward you. No, thankfully, this night has brought with it far more comfortable circumstances—you find yourself in bed, tired bones sinking into the plush mattress, consciousness caught in the bleary space between sleep and not.
· Even better, you aren’t alone.
· Tonight, your bed is warmed by another body, long and thin, curled tightly against your own, as though it were some sort of crime to leave even an inch of space between you. A bony hip digs into your thigh and you’re sure the press of your head and shoulder against his chest must make breathing difficult for him. But he’s made no attempt to shrug you off or shift your weight to a more comfortable spot, so you likewise let it be. In all honesty, you’re simply too comfortable to bother and you feel it’s safe to assume the same is true for Martin too.
· The slow, even beat of his heart pulses against your cheek, and his long fingers stroke absently over your bare shoulder. The rough texture of burgeoning callouses catches against your skin—the sensation, though not wholly unpleasant, makes you shudder. Sometimes, you forget Martin works with his hands. When you hold them, they seem so delicate—his long fingers better suited to playing the piano than tightening screws or hammering nails. But he’s good at repairs and more importantly, he seems to find enjoyment the work. It certainly keeps him busy enough on the few afternoons that Cuda isn’t running him ragged in the shop, much to your personal dismay. But his nights—the nights like this—belong to you and you alone.
· Your eyelids flutter closed, and for the first time in what feels like weeks, maybe even longer, you feel like you can rest. Really rest. Dimly, you find yourself wondering if it had more to do with finished papers and diminished responsibilities, or the reintroduction of the physical intimacy you’ve been missing so dearly. Though you can’t say for certain, you have a sneaking suspicion it’s the latter.
· The longer you know Martin, the more you’re convinced that there is a preternatural bubble of calm that hangs around him. You can feel it in the way even the grouchiest old women in the store seem to soften toward him—hiding small smiles behind their sleeves, sometimes even calling him ‘dear,’ or in the way Cuda’s volatile temper deflates when his cruel words slide off Martin’s back as though he’s heard it all before from people who frightened him far greater. You’ve seen it at work on the feral cats that roam the neighbourhood—while they hiss and swipe at the children who chase them through the dusty streets, they sit willingly at Martin’s feet, rubbing against his legs with a familiarity that borders on friendly. And it’s in the way he looks at you—looks into you with those dark eyes that seem far too old for that handsome, youthful face—intense and all-seeing, but never judgemental. He is a point of unflappable calm in a world which never seems to slow for even a second. That calm has settled into you now, seeping into your bones as you lay there, listening to his heart thumping in the darkness.
· The low crackle of the radio hovers at the edge of your hearing, a burst of static cutting through the droning voices. You’d stopped listening properly ages ago—the third time the DJ had made an attempt to dismiss his latest caller. It was an old man who was seven shades of pissed about the ‘teen-age hooligans’ who were ‘tipping over his bins every night and eating his trash.’ Of course, everyone with half a brain, including the host himself, knows it’s an animal—probably a raccoon, or a family of raccoons, but this old geezer has somehow convinced himself it’s a gaggle of ‘Satan-worshipping teenagers who have been brainwashed by heavy metal music and Pepsi Cola.’
· Okay. Sure.
· It’s utterly ridiculous, and just the sort of thing you’ve come to expect from the people who live in Braddock. Or the ones who call in to a show like this anyhow.
· In a way, you feel bad for the poor DJ. Sure, he welcomes strange callers of all kinds, from alien abductees and bigfoot hunters to bereaved parents who teenagers are ‘just growing up too fast,’ or ‘a little too interested in the works of William Shakespeare.’ He even encourages them at times, but you’ve got to draw the line somewhere, and in your mind, this, funny as it may be, is probably it. You’re sure whatever the station is paying the guy, it isn’t enough to suffer through being called a ‘brainless sack of human garbage’ by a crazy old man.
· “And that’s about all the time we have,” Despite his cheery tone, the poor guy sounds exhausted. “Thank you for calling!”
· Another burst of static drowns out the old man’s reply, but you’re sure that whatever he’d said, it was not ‘radio-friendly.’
· “…our next caller. You are on the air, Sir!”
· “Yeah, uh…hi, Barry.” The man sounds young—probably not much older than yourself—and very nervous. He must be a first-time caller. As he and the DJ share opening pleasantries—what’s your name, how old are you, where are you calling in from tonight, is that a cat I hear in the background? —your attention begins to drift again. You teeter for a moment on the edge of sleep, the clean scent of your linen sheets and Martin’s shampoo filling your nose.
· “I was just wondering if you’ve heard from the Count again since last time?”
· And just like that, you’re awake again, attention fully focused on your radio and the funny little show that whispers through it.
· The caller is asking about Martin. A cold shiver rumbles through your body. People ask about Martin on the show all the time—of course, they don’t know that’s who they’re asking about, but you do. It’s so strange, to hear a stranger talk about someone you know so well—even worse when they speak about him like they know him too. Sometimes, they make you laugh with their outlandish theories, but sometimes they make you sick—sick with worry: when he’s threatened with violence or exposure, sick with fear: when they make guesses that hit a little too close to home, and sick with jealousy: when they claim to have had an ‘encounter’ with him, or worse, try to set one up on air.
· You know about Martin, of course—that he is a vampire, or at least he thinks he’s a vampire. Whether or not you believe him is another question entirely. He certainly does not abide by the ‘vampire rules’ as you know them from stories and television—he doesn’t sleep in a coffin, filled with dirt from his homeland or otherwise, rather he sleeps in a bed (curled up beside you more often than not these days). He cuts a handsome figure in mirrors and the photographs that you have pinned up above your desk. He walks about in the sun most days without complaint despite his pale complexion, and though he may not be a sleek. Predatory creature that oozes confidence, grace, and sex appeal, he’s no slouch either—lithe and handsome in a boyish sort of way, all knees, elbows, and wide dark eyes.
· In fact, the only requirement he seems to meet on the proverbial ‘vampire checklist’ is his fixation with blood—and the need to consume it. Maybe that means something, maybe it doesn’t. You’ve come to the conclusion that what you think really doesn’t matter in the end—your opinion isn’t going to sway him on the subject one way or another. This is a truth about himself he believes perhaps more deeply than anything else. Who were you to try and change that?
· So, you do your best to take everything in stride, and when you can’t, you humour him. Still, every once in a while, something will trip you up—you still can’t quite decide if he’s joking about being over eighty years old or not. But you do your best. You had even let him feed on you once. Though only once. In the end, it was Martin who had decided the experience was not one he would like to repeat.
· He had laid you out on your bed, “I don’t want you to get hurt if you faint.” Though you’d told him nearly a hundred times that you’d be just fine, that you’d had blood taken before at the hospital, he had insisted.
· You had expected things to be different. For a start, you had expected him to climb into your lap, to press his lips against your neck, seeking your pulse the way it’s done in the movies. Instead, he’d taken out a little white kit from his bag. He had unzipped it and laid it out on the bed, revealing a little bottle of clear liquid, a row of sterile, hypodermic needles, and a pack of fresh razor blades.
· His long fingers fell upon the needles, caressing them lovingly one by one. Much to your relief, he did not pick one up. As if he could sense your apprehension, he’d said, “Don’t worry, I won’t need these.” He’d glanced up at you, measuring your reaction, “I won’t need them because you’re not going to fight me. Are you?” It wasn’t really a question. You shook your head, and the corners of his lips quirked up into a smile, “Good. It’s so much easier when they don’t fight me.” Those words had made you shudder. He really had done this before, then. Part of you hadn’t believed him—he seemed so…harmless
· He’d picked out a single blade from the package, meticulously removing the white paper wrapping, taking extra care not to tear it, or let the blade cut into it. When he was through, he folded the paper into a neat square and dropped it onto the comforter. He lay the blade flat on his palm for you to see. “I don’t have pointy teeth, you see.” He took your hand, opening his mouth and guiding your fingers along the edges of his flat, dull teeth. “They aren’t sharp, so they don’t cut deep enough. You understand?” You’d nodded and he had kissed your fingertips gently, one by one.
· “I’ll be careful, I promise,” He’d said, “I’ll only take a little. Just enough to take the edge off.” Despite the hungry glint in his eyes, you’d known he was telling the truth. He didn’t need to reassure you of that. You trusted him. Besides, you had asked for this. At least, he’d stopped asking if he still had your permission every five minutes. Of course he did.
· And yet. Your heartbeat had kicked up, jittering like a frightened bird when you’d seen the needles and the razor. It was as though actually seeing them had made the whole situation feel more real. There was no denying you were afraid, but you didn’t tell him to stop—you didn’t want to. You had made up your mind. You wanted this; wanted to help.
· He’d held your hand in his own like it was a thing made of glass. His fingers gripped the razor with a practiced grace as he held it just above your palm. Watching him, you were struck for the second time by just how rehearsed this seemed. How many times had he done this, with or without permission?
· “Take a deep breath for me, okay? There’s a good boy.” Did he talk to the others too? Even the ones who fought back? You could picture him, chattering softly against the skin of some poor soul, sprawled limp across the floor.
· Limp or lifeless?
· The thought unsettled you, but you did as you were told, filling your lungs nearly to capacity as the sharp edge of the blade bit into the meat of your palm just below your thumb. As promised, he had been quick, pressing only as hard as was necessary. Even so, the sting of it made your flinch, your hand jumping in his own. His fingers tensed around yours, the tightness of his grip reflected in the grimace that flashed across his face as he bent his head to seal his lips around the wound.
· You had expected to feel him pulling the blood from you, but he simply let it flow into his mouth, the coppery taste heavy on his tongue. He exhaled through his nose, long and low—a pleased sound. Something about that set you more at ease. He hadn’t recoiled or wrinkled his nose at the taste of your blood. You hadn’t even realized you were worried about how you tasted until that moment.
· You had started to feel dizzy beneath him—dizzy not from a loss of blood, but the wet heat of his mouth against your skin. Your heart had stuttered in your chest as his tongue probed gently around the edges of the wound, soothing your sparking nerves, even as the blood continued to drip down his throat.
· When at last, he pulled away, his face was flushed, and his breath came hard; his chest heaving as though he’d just run a great distance. Immediately, his hand shot to his front pocket, fingers searching for the roll of gauze bandages he’s swiped from Cuda’s first-aid kit.
· He’d wrapped the clean white fabric around your hand with such care it made your heart ache almost as much as the wound itself. When he was finished, he’d flipped your hand over and pressed a gentle kiss against your knuckles. Then, he spoke. His voice was small, barely more than a ragged whisper, “Thank you.”
· “Was that…was it okay?” Your skin felt feverish, as though the heat of his mouth had seeped into your flesh and was burning you from the inside out. And the dizzy feeling had only grown worse, forcing you to squeeze your eyes shut for a long moment.
· Martin was still struggling to get his breathing under control, “Yes. I-It was good…better than good, actually. But…”
· “But?” Had you done something wrong? Had you tasted bad after all? You cracked open one eye, then the other. The spinning had mostly subsided, but you still felt unsteady. “What can I do better next time?”
· He’d gone stiff all over then, and his reply had come sudden and sharp, “No!” He cringed, the force behind his words clearly surprising himself as well. When he spoke again, his voice was softer, “No ‘next time.’ I…I can’t stand hurting you like that. I won’t do it again.”
· You’d gazed up at him, blinking in confusion for a second. Then you realized what he’d meant—you had flinched when he’d cut you. Oh.
· You reached up, cupping his cheek, “Oh, Martin. You didn’t hurt me. Not really.” It wasn’t strictly true—it had hurt a little, but you had been prepared for it to. You brushed a stray droplet of blood from the corner of his mouth with a careful swipe of your thumb.
· “Yes, I did. I saw it.” You had tried to protest further, but he’d cut you off, much to your surprise. Martin almost never talked back like this, though perhaps you’d simply never given him a reason before. “I saw you flinch. I won’t put you through this again.”
· And he hadn’t. Though you’d brought the idea up more than once, he had dismissed it each time with the same stubborn shake of his head. If Martin was anything, he was true to his word.
· “…and it’s been such a long time since we heard from the guy.”
· The DJ hums in agreement, “It has indeed, my friend. Maybe we’ll hear from him later tonight. If you’re out there listening, Count, don’t be a stranger! Give us a call,” He begins rattling off the stations toll-free number. “We’re all dying to hear from you again!”
· You feel Martin stiffen up against you. You knew about the interviews he had done; you’d even heard one of them, back when Martin was little more to you than a silent, sullen face behind the counter at Cuda’s shop. And even when he’d started talking to you, he sounded different over the radio—his voice was deeper, and he sounded so confidant, so sure of himself when he talked about his ‘sickness.’ He almost never sounded like that in day-to-day life. You weren’t embarrassed to admit you found it attractive.
· Martin on the other hand, was mortified to know you had heard him. He had known that people were listened to him, obviously, but they were supposed to be strangers. You actually knew him, and he’d talked about sex. Of course, reminding him you’d done a lot more in your time together than simply listen to him talk about sex did little to lessen his horror.
· Of course, you also knew he’d been doing fewer and fewer interviews now that he had you to talk to and share his life with. But on occasion, when the pleading from the DJ gets too desperate, or he was simply that bored, Martin could be coaxed back onto the other end of the phoneline once again.
· You glance up at him, but in the darkness, his expression is unreadable, eyes cast down toward the end of the bed, long lashes throwing feathered shadows across his pale cheeks. From the very beginning, he’s been hard to read. As you’ve come to know him better, you’ve needed to get comfortable with the idea of asking when you want to know something you could easily intuit if speaking to anyone else. He’s very good at hiding his thoughts and feelings behind a neutral expression and placid silence, but he would tell you almost anything if you asked him directly; so long as he had the words to explain it to you.
· Do you want to make a call, Martin?”
· For a long moment, he’s silent, turning the idea over in his mind a few times. You had never actually been with him when he’d done an interview in the past. He’d usually wait until you were three days deep in an assignment with no quick end in sight, or out of town with family. Maybe he would be too embarrassed to do it with you here or maybe he’s just not in the mood tonight. But, after a minute, he tilts his head down toward you and says, “Why not?”
· The radio crackles out a jaunty tune—a commercial for some small business or another. “I’ll call in a few minutes. He doesn’t seem busy tonight.” Martin sits up, bracing his back against the headboard of your bed, and dislodging you from your perch. You grumble a little, irritated by the loss of your comfy spot, but you crawl into his lap anyway.
· You press soft kisses into his skin, beginning at his hairline, and trailing down over his forehead, the bridge of his nose, his cheeks—the right then the left—the very tip of his nose, and finally his lips. He smiles against your mouth, leaning into the kiss with his whole body.
· When you pull away only a moment later, you can practically hear the pouty turn of his mouth. He whines softly, but you pay him no mind, trailing kisses down his chin. “Are you nervous, Martin?” The question comes out muffled by the soft curve of his jaw.
· “Not really, no…” He trails off, eyes cast to the ceiling, “I like the attention, I s’pose.”
· You pull back to look at him, barely stifling a snort of amusement, “Don’t I give you enough?”
· His eyes slide from the ceiling, falling upon you dark and wide. For a moment, you think he’s taken you seriously, but the pouty turn of his mouth breaks into a blinding grin, “You give me lots, sure, but I’m a creature of the night, remember? We always want more.”
· The two of you sit there for a moment, gazing into each other’s eyes, the silence stretching on into the night. Then, you collapse into each other in a fit of giggles. Martin buries his head into the crook of your neck, shaking with quiet laughter. Sure, when he’d said wasn’t untrue, but when he put it like that, it was hard not to laugh.
· “Welcome back, everybody. It’s almost the top of the hour at 01:57! I’m your host Barry…”
· You hadn’t even heard the ads end! Martin scrambles for the chunky landline phone that rests on the beside table, nimble fingers punching in the numbers at speed. Though his calls had become less and less frequent, he evidently kept the number somewhere in his memory.
· Martin’s voice is hushed as he speaks to whoever manned the phones down at the radio station, muttering something about ‘the Count.’ As he speaks, he winds the coiled phone cord around a delicate finger. It’s a simple, distracted habit of Martin’s but it makes your heart flutter whenever you catch him doing it.
· You stretch your arm as far as you can, reaching for the radio, unwilling to give up your perch in Martin’s lap for even a second. Your fingertips brush the cool metal—once, twice—then you manage to curl your fingers around it. Pulling it into your lap you turn the volume down low so only you can hear it.
· “I’m just getting word that we have a special guest on the line,” the DJ sounds positively elated, “Folks, it looks like the Count is back in town. Hello, Count! Where have ya’ been?”
· Martin hesitates for a moment, his jaw working as he searches for the words, “Around.”
· There is a definite lag between the words in his mouth, and those same words coming through the radio. The dissonance confounds your ears and makes your head ache in a dizzy sort of way, but you want to hear both halves of this conversation, not just Martin’s.
· “So, what trouble have you been getting into since we last spoke, Count? Murdered any pretty ladies recently?”
· There’s a smile in Martin’s voice, “Not ladies, no.”
· “Oh really? Any men then?”
Martin glances down at you, though he makes a non-committal noise. The DJ takes a breath, as though he’s going to say something, but Martin cuts him off, “I wouldn’t call what I do murder, anyhow.”
· “No? But you still need to drink blood, right?”
· “Oh, yes.”
· “How have you been getting your food, then? Don’t vampires uh…kill with every strike?”
· Martin laughs, a soft, breathy sound that sends a shudder through you. “I’ve been managing.” His tone is damn near conversational. You gaze down at him, marvelling at how easy this seems to be for him. The Martin you’ve come to know and love rarely (if ever) speaks to strangers, and when he has no other choice, he’s never this talkative. It’s strange, but by no means an unwelcome change. You nuzzle against him, letting his voice thrum through your skull as it vibrates around in his chest.
· “Enough talk of blood and guts, Count. What about your other problems, huh? Tell me, are the streets of Braddock safe at last from the real terror stalking them? Have you…” He pauses conspiratorially, “Found yourself a girl yet?”
· Those words drive an icy spike of hurt deep into your guts. No, he had not found himself a girl. Martin must have felt your jaw clenching, as his free hand begins to card through your hair—soothing and soft.
· “I’ve found…someone.” The implications of that word settles you almost as much as his touch. ‘Someone.’ Not a woman, but someone of significance, nonetheless. He bends down to press a quick kiss into the crown of your head. “Someone special.”
· The DJ gasps, sounding scandalized. “Someone special! Well, I never. Good for you, Count.” You can’t say you’re a fan of the man’s tone—pleasant enough, but with a sharp edge that borders on condescending. But there’s little you can do but grit your teeth and bear it. “How long until you suck this one dry and move on?”
· Wow. Fuck this guy. On some level, you’d known he was an asshole—sure you felt bad for him when people were rude, but he could dish it out just as well as he could take it. Every once in a while, he’d push a caller too hard or make a snide comment the conversation could have done without. You didn’t like hearing it when strangers were involved, and now that you were the subject of such a comment, you like it even less. He makes it sound like you’re some random conquest, or worse, little more than a meal to Martin. How wrong he was.
· Suck this one dry and move on? Fat chance, Buddy. Though, his wording did give you an idea…maybe you could make this night just a little more interesting for the both of you.
You sit back, uncurling your legs and dropping your knees to either side of Martin’s hips, straddling his lap properly. Settling your weight back into his lap, you pull a face, pointing to the radio in your lap and mouthing, ‘What a jaggoff!’
· Martin’s lips press into a thin line as he tries to stifle his laughter. He nods sympathetically but doesn’t say anything about it to the DJ. He’s slow to anger, preferring to divert the conversation rather than cause a scene. You can’t help but admire him for that. You lean forward, stamping a kiss against his collarbone.
· “I…uh…try not to eat the things I love.”
· “Ooooh, so it’s love, huh?”
· You roll your eyes at the DJ, though you can’t deny hearing Martin say he loves you sends a little thrill through you—it was the same thrill you’d felt the first time he had said it to you, and the same thrill you hoped to feel for years to come. You trail little, open-mouthed kisses up the column of Martin’s throat, your mouth feverishly warm against his skin. A shudder jolts through him like an electric shock as your teeth scape across his Adam’s apple. You grin against his flesh, sliding up to nip along the underside of his jaw. There is a sensitive spot at the very corner that you love to exploit, and now seems like the perfect opportunity to do so.
· Your teeth graze over the spot and his body jitters beneath you. His voice catches in his throat, though if the DJ notices, he doesn’t comment. You nip gently at the spot, reddening the pale skin as you worry it with your teeth. You long to suck a bruise there—the purple-blue hue would doubtless look stunning against the pallor of his skin, but you knew Cuda would have a conniption if he saw it, and you didn’t want to put Martin through that again. Not after last time. The pair of you had agreed that perhaps in future, it would be better if any hickeys you left remained under your clothes.
· Pressing one final kiss against that spot, you pull back to look at him. You can tell he’s getting flustered—there’s a flush beginning to creep up his neck from beneath the collar of his t-shirt, deep pink and blotchy. You know, given time, it will reach his cheeks, the colour blooming high on his cheekbones. When you get him worked up enough, you could make Martin blush to the very tips of his ears. It was adorable.
· Your fingers dig into the fabric of his shirt as you drag your nails down his chest. His teeth catch his lower lip. You can almost hear the whine trapped behind those pearly teeth.
· “Why don’t you tell us a little about this special someone, Count?”
· Martin hesitates, “I don’t know about that.”
· “Nonsense! You can tell your good ol’ pal Barry. Who am I gonna tell?”
· Martin isn’t that stupid. He knows Barry doesn’t need to tell anyone anything—he’s live on air, he’d be telling them himself. His eyes flick down to yours, searching for something, be it permission or resistance. He pulls the phone away from his ear, resting it against his shoulder as he waits for you to make up your mind. You know he’d hang up in an instant if you asked him to—he’d likely do you one better and never call in again if the DJ was just going to ask questions about you all night long. But you trusted Martin not to give too much information away—he’d managed to stay hidden all this time, after all.
· You nodded at him, smiling and thumbing gently over a nipple. Though your touch is light, and the sensation is dampened by the fabric of his shirt, Martin makes a sound as though he’s been punched in the stomach. He shifts beneath you, tucking the phone underneath his chin as he moves.
· You grip the striped fabric of his shirt, working it in your hands. You lift it a little, fingers slipping just beneath it to splay against the flat plane of his stomach. His skin is warm and soft beneath your hands. You look down at him, arching a brow and asking for permission with only your eyes.
· “Fine.” He says, and though the word is an answer for the DJ’s pleading, he’s talking to you, looking directly into your eyes—granting the permission you were so hoping for.
· “Great! So, how long have you been together?”
· You fall into him, hands pushing the soft cotton of his shirt up over his chest. Your lips are on his skin in a matter of seconds, trailing kisses across every inch of exposed skin—stomach, ribs, hips, and everything in between.
· “It’s been ahh—” His words are cut short by a tight little moan as you bite down hard just below his left nipple. However, he manages a solid recovery as your tongue laves over the spot soothing the sting, playing the whole thing off as though he had needed time to stop and think about it, “—bout a year, maybe a little longer.”
· Clever boy.
· You drag your tongue a little higher, flicking over the sensitive skin of his nipple. He arches into your touch, hips canting up against yours, threatening to buck you from your perch. He tilts his head, trapping the phone between his cheek and his shoulder, reaching for you with both hands.
· He takes your cheeks into his hands, pulling your head away from his chest. You grin up at him, taking in his expression—his pupils blown so wide with want they swallow all but the slimmest ring of brown iris, his lips parted and shining in the semi-darkness, flushed to the tips of his ears.
· You surge up to kiss him, remembering only at the last moment, he needs to keep his mouth free to carry on the conversation. With a huff, you divert your course, and fix your lips back against the skin of Martin’s neck.
· He swallows hard as you press your lips back against his pulse, pushing his hips back up into yours. You can’t keep the grin form your face as you feel him pressing up against you—the outline in his pants far more noticeable now.
· His hands tremble slightly as they search for yours, dragging them down to the front of his jeans. You grin widens as you press down. Even through the thick denim, you can feel his cock throb under your palm. Someone’s excited.
· You look down at him and he turns his head away, flushing a shade darker. He was so easy to wind up like this, it was almost unbelievable. A few kisses here, and gentle touch there, and he was a blushing, whining mess spread out on your sheets for you to enjoy however your pleased. You had chalked the over-sensitivity up to a lack of experience, and had expected it to fade after a few months, but it hadn’t. He was just that reactive, not that you were complaining.
· With deft fingers, you pop the button of his jeans, quietly dragging the zipper down. He lifts his hips, wriggling helpfully as you drag his pants and underwear down over his thighs.
· His cock bobs free, flushed and leaking already. You ghost the pads of your fingers over the soft skin of his shaft, and he shudders, his whole body tensing. His knuckles are white where he grips the phone, and his jaw is tight with the struggle of keeping quiet.
· You wrap your hand around him, stroking gently from base to tip. His back arches off from the headboard, and he falls forward, burying his head in the crook of your neck. The phone receiver bumps against your collarbone, hard and hollow. The plastic is pleasantly cool against your feverish skin.
· “Is it different being with a…uh…forgive the expression, normal person?”
· “They’re a…” His laugh is breathy, almost a moan as he glances down at you, “a real handful.”
· You barely stifle a laugh. You glare down at him in mock disapproval, and he sticks his tongue out at you. Cheeky little bastard. Though the colour still sits high on his cheeks, and his breathing comes through parted lips in short puffs, he seems to have adjusted well to your pace.
· “Nothing you can’t handle though, I’m sure. Do they know about your…condition, shall we say?”
· “They are aware, yes.”
· The DJ laughs, “And how did that go? Can’t be an easy thing to hear—that your boyfriend might vamp out and eat you whole!”
· Martin sighs, “I already told you, I don’t eat people…” His voice is much steadier now, even as your fingers brush along the sensitive spots on the underside of his cock. That means its time to switch things up. You can’t have him getting too comfortable. Where would the fun be in that? You tighten your grip—something that usually makes Martin thrash against the sheets and sob into your pillows—and begin to swipe your thumb gently over the tip of his cock with every upward stroke. He almost drops the phone as he yanks it away from his mouth. He covers the receiver with a shaking hand just in time, as a soft whine slips through his teeth, “Oh, fuck…”
· You press a finger up against your lips, reminding him to be quiet. He presses up into your fist, his hips stuttering as your thumb traces a lazy circle around his head. His free hand flutters nervously about his mouth, as he tries desperately to keep quiet. His breath comes sharp and quick though his nose as he struggles to keep control. You shift your weight, pinning his hips back down with your thighs, and though he tries to buck back up against you, you hold him firmly in place. He whines high in his throat, shooting a pleading look up at you, but you just shake your head and point at the phone, ‘Keep going.’
· Slowly, Martin brings the receiver back up to his ear. His tongue flickers out over his lips and he lets out a shaky breath, “S-Sorry, I didn’t catch that?”
· “I said, ‘let’s circle back to what you said before,’ about not eating what you love. Why not? If you don’t need to kill to feed, why not feed on this special someone? Surely if they love you back, they’d be willing.”
· You slow your hand, wanting to give Martin a fighting chance at answering. You were momentarily intrigued by the DJ’s line of questioning. You knew why Martin didn’t want to feed on you, but you were curious as to what sort of excuse he would give.
· “W-Well…it’s come up mo-ore than once but…” Martin goes silent as you squeeze down on him, his posture going rigid, his head thrown back against the headboard.
· The DJ lets the silence hang for a moment, but when Martin doesn’t finish his thought, he cuts in, “But…? You still there, Count?”
· You let up, and Martin takes a big gulp of air, as though he had only just remembered he needed to breathe. “Y-Yeah, I’m here. It’s…it’s complicated.”
· “Oh yeah? How?”
· “Well, it’s not about whether they’ll let me or not…” He takes a shaky breath, his eyes fluttering closed for a moment as he steadies himself. When he speaks again, his voice is low, barely more than a whisper, “It’s that I want more.”
· He tries in vain to buck up into your fist, his hips rolling in shallow, abortive little thrusts. His teeth are sunk into his lower lip, his eyes boring deep into your own.
· ‘I want more.’ Those words were meant for you.
· You blink down at him, momentarily dumb founded. Then a grin spreads across your face, sharp and hungry. If he wants more, you’ll give it to him—you’d give it to him until he was begging you to stop.
· Sliding down his body, you know this is risky. Martin has never been good at keeping quiet, especially not when you’ve got your mouth on him. But the idea is simply too enticing to pass up on. When were you ever going to get the change to suck his cock live on air again? Besides, this might be good practice for him in the art of keeping his voice down—not that you didn’t love to hear him, it just might be nice to keep your…activities a secret from the whole neighbourhood for once.
· You wriggle down onto your stomach, bringing your face level with Martin’s cock. Settling yourself into a comfortable position between his knees, you bend your head, pressing a gentle kiss against the tip of his cock.
· He makes an involuntary choking sound in the back of his throat. You look up at him, resting your chin on the tops of his thighs. You want to give him the time he needs to make up his mind. If he tells you ‘no,’ or pushes you away, you’d gladly go back to stroking his cock and kissing his neck. You would get just as much pleasure from the shivers and whimpers you could wring out of him that way.
· But he doesn’t tell you no, rather he pushes his hips up against you, pressing the tip hard against your lips. You flick your tongue out, ghosting for only a moment over his sensitive flesh, but it’s enough to make his eyes roll back, his long lashes fluttering against his cheeks. You do it again, and his mouth falls open. Though no sound escapes the look on his face is just as glorious.
· This is going to be fun.
· You crane your neck, opening your mouth and gently taking the head inside. Martin’s free hand shoots to his mouth, and he bites down hard on the meat of his palm to stop himself from sobbing out loud. You press your tongue flat against him, dragging it slowly against his hot flesh. He thrashes beneath you, jostling the phone against his cheek.
· Carefully, you sink further down on him, taking him in inch by inch. He lets out a long sigh around a mouthful of palm.
· “What was that, Count?”
· “Oohh…nothing,” Martin grinds out, “Just…closing a window.”
· The lie was flimsy, but the DJ, despite his skeptical tone, didn’t seem interested in pressed him on it further, “…Right…so how is your control around this person, huh? Do you ever get the urge to just go to town on them?”
· Martin’s laugh comes out as a low purr, and he bucks into your mouth once, “Mmm, sometimes.” Ever so slowly, as you’ve sunk down onto his cock, he’s been curling in on himself. His head now rests atop your own, and you can feel the heat of his cheek radiating against your scalp. If that heat is anything to go by, he must be positively scarlet.
· “And what does that entail for you exactly?”
· With a little jolt, his cock brushes up against the back of your throat. You swallow down a little choking noise, breathing steadily through your nose in an attempt to calm your gag reflex.
· The warmth of Martin’s cheeks is suddenly gone as he straightens up again. His head hits the headboard with a thump. “I-I just wanna…” He swallows thickly, his breath coming hard, “Push into…p-push my teeth into their throat and just,” He bucks up into your throat, either unable, or simply unwilling to stay still any longer, “just take what I want.”
· “Their…blood?”
· You swallow around Martin and his back arches so far he practically lifts off the bed “Yes! Yes, everything they have to give!”
· “Right…for a moment there it sounded a bit more, uh, sexually motivated than that.”
· Again, your throat contracts around him, and a hiss of air escapes through his teeth, “No difference really…”
· The DJ is silent for a moment, “Now that’s an interesting tidbit about you, Count. I’m sure all the ladies out there would love to hear more about that.”
· Marin fucks up into your throat again with a soft groan, “I’m…I’m sure they would but,” His breath is coming harder now, “unfortunately, I’m taken.”
· The DJ laughs, “Hear that, Count? That’s the sound of hundreds of hearts all over Braddock breaking. Sorry, folks but it looks like you’re out of luck.”
· Oh. He’s taken alright. You can just imagine the anguished looks on their faces when you learn he gets taken almost every other night by another man.
· Though you’d love to keep him in this position, you’re struck by the sudden, possessive urge to have him on his back. You tap his thigh thrice in quick succession and Martin withdraws almost immediately. He’s always so respectful of your wishes, even if he whines a little when his cock slips from the wet heat of your mouth. The sudden chill of the air on his wet cock sends a shiver through him.
· You scoot back, grabbing Martin by the calves, and pulling him down into a more horizontal position. He fumbles with the phone, as it slips from his grasp, landing on the bed near his shoulder.
· “What’s going on, Count?”
· “S-Sorry, I just…I just dropped the phone is all. I’m…I’m feeling awful shaky these days.”
· “Oh, yeah? How long has it been?”
· Martin’s tone is distracted, “Ages.” He is far more focused on you, his dark eyes trained on yours as you loom over him.
· The DJ asks another question, but you’re not listening as you slip Martin’s slick cock into your mouth, wasting no time in taking him back into your throat where he belongs.
· Though you can’t make out his words so well over the rushing in your ears, Martin’s voice sounds strained, slightly higher than usual. He’s fighting the pleasure hard.
· His free hand fists itself in your hair, pushing you down tighter against his cock. You swallow hard, trying desperately not to gag as he rolls is hips into your mouth. He’s come such a long way since the first time you asked him to fuck your mouth. He’d been so nervous that you did most of the work, bobbing your head faster and faster until he’d spilled deep into your mouth. He had apologized for almost an hour after, thinking the rasp in your voice was all his fault. Now? He’s practically asphyxiating you, and you hadn’t needed to say a word.
· Martin is shaking—his thighs tremble on either side of your head, and the phone in his hands nearly slips from his grasp again with the force of the tremors passing through him.
· You hollow your cheeks and he’s forced to cover the receiver again as a series of whimpers tear free from his lips. You press your tongue flat against the underside of his cock, and he sobs, his hips canting up off the bed.
· “I-I’m close,” His frantic whisper comes tight through his teeth, an edge bordering on panic creeping into his voice. You grip his thigh and redouble your efforts, gaining a high whine in return.
· “Hey, Count? Count there’s a lot of interference on your end…I can’t really hear you. I think this is where this conversation has to end, but call back another night, huh?” Martin doesn’t even respond, he simply slams the receiver back into the cradle, ending the call.
· Almost as soon as the call has disconnected, he’s a whimpering mess. “Oh, fuck! Your mouth…I-I can’t! Is it okay? Is it okay if I…?”
· He can’t bring himself to say it, but you know what he means and hum a soft affirmation around his cock. He cries out as the sound vibrates around his over-sensitive flesh.
· With a whimper, he fucks up into your mouth, once, twice, then he shudders, his whole body going rigid as he cums. His knees clamp around your ears, squeezing your head as he shakes with the pleasure. His fingers pull at your hair, any tighter and you’re sure he’ll pull some out. But you press on, hollowing your cheeks, letting him ride the high for as long as he can.
· The sound he makes as you swallow around him is nothing short of wrecked. His fingers claw the sheets as though he’s trying to drag himself away from you, from your mouth, but his body remains locked in place beneath you.
· His cock twitches against your tongue as you slowly pull back, the wet drag of your tongue digging raw little whimpers from his throat, and a shudder passed through him when you pull of and his cock is again exposed to the chilly air of the room. His hips press forward, seeking the tight heat of your throat again. It would seem almost desperate if the motion wasn’t so sluggish, almost sleepy.
· He reaches for you then in the dark. His hands, hot and sweaty from exertion and gripping both the phone and the sheets for so long, grasp either side of your face as he pulls you up for a kiss.
· The salty taste of his cum still coats your tongue, but he doesn’t seem to care as he presses his lips against yours with a desperation you rarely see in him.
· Pulling back, you whisper against his lips, “Was that enough attention?”
· He smiles, “For me? Yes.” He presses another soft kiss against your lips. “But now it’s your turn.”
#martin x reader#slasher x reader#martin 1977#slasher imagines#ripper fics#sorry for how late this is#enjoy!
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