and he never knew a thing, no

masters of none - part 4 (jason todd x reader)

summary: after many months, we are back in action and back in reader’s head. pls enjoy these jason crumbs. if you need a refresher on the plot, the other chapters will be linked below!

word count: 3.7k

warnings: food/eating. alcohol. cursing.

part 1 /// part 2 //// part 3

gravity

ever since i ever felt ya, right there life couldn't seem better. tulip flowers in my sweater. ask me now, is this forever?

…

you rested your chin on the table before you, your arms hanging limply between your knees as you listened to your manager, dana. you were really just watching her mouth open and close while she pointed at a powerpoint. god, what you would've given for an extra hour of sleep. the all nighters in the studio were starting to take a toll. 

the feeling of the back of daisy’s soft hands brought you back to earth. the smell of cocoa butter dancing beneath your nostrils as her smooth engagement ring rolled across your cheek. you breathed in her smell, exhaling in content through your nose.

“you good?” she mouthed and you closed your eyes, giving her a little nod. the bassist rubbed her calloused fingers against your forehead, pushing strands of your hair past your hairline. you pouted when she eventually pulled away, leaving you only with the sensation of touch that once was.

you heard tyler shift in his seat and then felt some air graze against your hand. you looked under the table, noticing he was holding something out to you. you two made eye contact briefly before you scooted back in, grabbing what felt like an envelope. looking down at your lap, you saw a sticky note attached to it. jason’s money was what it said. you carefully put the envelope in your jacket pocket, sitting back in your seat now and looking at dana’s powerpoint. she was going over reports from your publicist, jerry, which you didn't particularly care about.

“now, i have to ask,” dana’s words pierced your bubble of inattention. “have you all thought about what i said about this next album?”

jordy raised his hand like a school kid. “yes?”

“y/n and i decided that we'd be okay with making our album a group project. it has been, admittedly, kinda hard and boring without everyone else. we’d honestly be doing ourselves a disservice by not doing it together,” jordy explained, dana clapping her hands together.

“wonderful,” she nodded, keeping her hands clasped. “i know you two were excited to do your own thing, but i was talking to jerry and he was really pressing me to get a group album from you guys. the people wanna see you guys as a unit of established artists, which you all are. so what's the concept? we never discussed it.”

“uh,” you verbally paused, raising your arms above your head to stretch. “disco, jazz, and funk. it's a mix of those.”

“retro is in right now,” dana nodded, pacing around the room. “how far back will this set us on a release date?”

you grimaced, leaning back in your seat, the back of the seat lightly bouncing as it absorbed your weight. you pondered the question for a moment. “if it’s gonna be a group thing, it'll have to be significantly longer. we have a decent starting off point but i'm gonna need way more songs now.”

“what about the rest of you? any tracks that we could swing?” dana asked, looking at the rest of the group. 

grabbing a pen and piece of scrap paper, you started jotting down notes as everyone spoke out to you. dex and quinton didn’t have anything, but they wouldn’t be a problem. you just needed to give them a beat to rap over and you’d be set. the twins had a finished song already that fit the concept, which was good. with tyler’s voice and aly’s excellent song writing abilities, you doubted very seriously that anything else needed to be done to it. daisy and hector had plenty of lyricless songs, too. funk and soul was their specialty, after all. misha even had a demo track she was willing to share. 

you looked over the notes you had taken, tapping your pen on the table as you hummed to yourself. “this could probably work. we’ll need to go over everything in the studio, though.”

“we should just do it now. no one is doing shit else today, right?” dex asked the group, who all shook their head. 

“i have a request,” you raised your finger, looking at dana. “i want gotham to be involved in this project.”

“gotham…” dana repeated slowly, unsure of what you meant. “care to elaborate?”

“music videos directed by student directors from gotham university, commissioning local artists for album art. dancers, actors, musicians, whatever. all of them have to be from gotham. i don't want any of the money we put into this project leaving this city,” you stated firmly, dana giving you a blank look. 

“i like that idea,” hector said, giving you a kind smile before turning to dana, shifting in his seat. the drummer was like a big brother, always backing you up in moments like these. “accessibility to the arts is really limited here and we should change that.”

“i’d rather give back to the city, too,” quinton agreed, playing with the gold cross hanging from his neck. “we’re one of the only groups in gotham known outside of gotham. we should use that as an opportunity to rep our city.”

“it sounds like you have your minds made up on this,” dana narrowed her eyes, letting out a sigh. “it would definitely be good PR.”

“because god forbid we do something out of the kindness of our hearts,” misha laughed, rolling her eyes. “we're trying to put the city on and you're worried about how it makes us look.”

“that's my job, misha. don't you want me to do my job?” dana retorted. “besides, i'm more concerned with the funding. you all don't have disposable income, believe it or not.”

“but i know someone who does,” she said with a singsong tone, giving you a look.

“i hope you're not referring to me,” you deadpanned. your income was far from disposable.

“i’m referring to our good friend, bruce wayne,” she explained, grabbing a business card out of her purse, handing it over to dana. “ever since i got invited to that charity gala, i've had a direct line to a representative with the wayne foundation. i say we ask them to help fund the project.”

“now that could work,” dana admitted, eyeing the card as she tapped her foot. “if we pitch for more youth involvement, it'll probably go over better. we all know how much bruce wayne loves saving the children.”

you frowned at how dana described bruce’s initiatives as a philanthropist. you were sure his motivations for favoring youth projects were good intentioned, considering his parents had been killed when he was just a little boy. you wanted to go into this good intentioned, too and you hoped that they'd agree. they being the wayne foundation and subsequently, bruce himself.

“ty and quinton could do something with forrester. if we’re going for the youth involvement route, i mean,” aly spoke up. 

“forrester correctional. our old stomping grounds,” quinton sighed wistfully as he patted tyler on the shoulder. “i think that would be a good idea.”

“they use the arts as an outlet for them, so it could be beneficial for everyone,” tyler nodded. “there are a lot of good kids there. just unfortunate circumstances, that’s all.”

“wasn’t one of bruce’s son’s a troublemaker before he was adopted?” aly continued, not noticing the look you and tyler shared. “i’m sure he’d probably be interested in doing something with them if his son comes from the same background.”

“it’s settled, then. you all keep working on the music. jerry and i will handle the rest. we need this album out before hector and daisy’s wedding,” dana said, grabbing her suitcase. 

…

hey, i have your money. did you still want it?

you stared down at the unsent message, your thumb floating over the send arrow. you hadn’t spoken to jason since that night after the race, as per his request. your mind kept wandering back to it, even as time still went on. what happened was scary, to say the least. fun, but scary. you wondered how the hell jason didn’t get the two of you killed. that part, you didn't want to think about too hard. everyone in gotham had their secrets and it was an unspoken rule amongst citizens to not pry. secrets were secrets for a reason. nothing good ever came from unearthing them.

speaking of secrets, you hadn't exactly told tyler and quinton what happened that night. not in detail. you conveniently left out the chase and stopping to get something to eat. omitting the first part was obvious, but the second one was for your own sanity. you didn't need them teasing you over nothing. besides, all that mattered was no one was dead or arrested. and for the way the three of you used to get down, that was a win. 

you considered texting jason earlier this week, just to check in on him, but you decided against it. he obviously wanted you to text him and you obviously had to do the opposite. his little mind game wasn’t going to work on you. you pressed send, frowning immediately as you did so.

maybe it already had.

“it’s too many people in this bitch,” dex sighed, the cold of the water bottle you had asked him for against your hand bringing you back to reality. blinking, you were suddenly very aware of the chaos surrounding you in the studio as you put your phone back in your pocket. you looked to your left, where jordy was leaning against the wall and scrolling through his phone. to your right was aly, who was scribbling in her songbook in the chair next to you. you remembered you were supposed to be working, too. “we need a new stu.”

“i’m working on it!” hector hollered from inside the booth as he and daisy were setting up equipment and instruments. you glanced up at the glass in front when you heard his voice, accidentally catching the pair share a little kiss. you quickly averted your gaze, smiling to yourself.

“new stu, new view, what it do?” quinton began to freestyle to a beat he was making on the coffee table in front of him. “off 92, posted up with southside crew.” 

“okay,” dex laughed, noddinh his head as he was vibing with the beat, making his way out of your line of sight. you heard someone, presumably tyler, join in and add some depth to the beat. it sounded like he was hitting a pencil against a shot glass.

“i got a new boo, but i’m tryna slide with misha, too,” quinton continued, dex adlibbing in the back as quinton lowered his voice to his signature melodic whisper. “on the low, nobody gotta know.”

“would you shut the fuck up?” you heard misha say, followed by a barrage of muffled smacking noises and verbal objections from quinton, who you assumed was on the receiving end of what sounded like an assault by pillow.

laughing to yourself, you leaned your head in aly’s direction, not fully facing her. “pass me the flash drive?” you held your hand out weakly. once you felt the plastic in your palm, you leaned back over and put it into the computer, pulling up the proper files. 

“we’re done back here,” daisy smiled at you, she and hector coming out from the booth. 

you clapped your hands together. “wonderful. everybody shut up, please.”

you pulled up the twin’s song and let it play, your eyes fixed on the colorful audio loops on the screen. the green ones were tyler’s vocals, the purple were aly’s. it looked like blue was reserved for instruments and red was any added sound effects or layered sounds. 

“you two sound really great,” jordy walked up behind aly’s seat, leaning against it as he swayed his head to the beat. 

“thanks. i wrote it with our mother in mind,” aly said, the words coming out of her mouth uncomfortably. you placed your hand on hers and gave it a little squeeze, which earned you a look of appreciation.

“it's missing something, though,” tyler scratched the back of his head. “i need the producer squad to give us some assistance.”

“oh, say less,” dex laughed, snapping his fingers to the beat with one hand and holding his glass of hennessy in the other. he danced his way over, taking aly’s seat as she, tyler and jordy moved to give you all some space. 

misha sauntered her way over, sitting against the table and flipping her hair over her shoulder. the smell of her sweet perfume floated in the air around you. “i think it just needs some fluffing up. some snapping might work. more vocal layering in certain spots.”

“i agree,” you nodded, dex letting out a satisfied sigh as he took a sip of his cold drink. 

“is it good?” misha asked him teasingly and he took his final swig, letting out a more dramatic and drawn out sigh. this time, though, it was on beat with the song. you were pretty sure it was unintentional on his part, since he and misha just shared a laugh before returning their attention to the screen.

after a moment of pondering, you swiveled around in your chair, looking at tyler. “okay, hear me out…”

…

two weeks of very diligent working between the nine of you had given you a lot to work with for the album. all that was left was to start putting things together. you still had a ways to go, but you had a good starting off point. as much as you hated to admit it, it was a good call on dana’s part to have you all do a group album. the fans seemed to be greatly anticipating the release and the work ethic the nine of you shared was incredible. even in that cramped little studio, you all made it work.

you all agreed to take the day off, but you were still working at some capacity. you had just traded one small space for another, working in your walk-in closet/home studio for the day. you still needed said walk-in to function as a closet, so there were still garment bags pushed up into a corner and shoe boxes haphazardly stacked, surrounding your desk that you had shoved in there. there was just enough space for you to move your chair and safely get out without twisting an ankle, a fate you often flirted with in that room.

in the spirit of your day off, you hadn't done anything too difficult. you were just trying to decide what order you wanted the completed songs to go in. it may seem like an insignificant detail, but the order was important. the transitions between songs couldn't be jarring for the listener. everything had to flow together with natural progression. at this point, it didn't matter since you weren't done with the album, but it was just giving you an idea of how to fill the gaps with future songs. 

the sound of your growling stomach indicated that it was time to stop for the day. you quickly saved all your work and headed to the kitchen. you popped some leftovers in the microwave and scrolled on twitter while you waited. the microwave beeped at you, so you set your phone back down and grabbed the bowl, mixing up the contents with your fork. the flash of light coming from your phone got your attention. a text notification.

are you home?

oh, so now he wanted to respond? cute.

despite your annoyance with the situation, you quickly responded with a yes and set the phone back down. you leaned against the counter, eating what little food you had in your reheated bowl. you mixed the contents around with your fork, grumbling. stupid jason and his stupid inability to text back. he could have at least had the decency to leave you on read. he probably didn't even have read receipts on. you weren't sure which was worse. tossing your now empty bowl into the sink, you grabbed your phone to read his next message.

i’ll be over soon. 

soon was very vague and you wished that you would've demanded an exact time, but that opportunity had passed by the time you thought about it. you busied yourself with tidying up, trying to make your place look presentable. you even lit your new candle, which you found yourself focusing your attention on while you waited for him to show up. staring at the flame was much more entrancing than you anticipated.

you heard the door buzzer go off. you weren't expecting anyone else, so it had to be him. you leaned against the wall, pressing your finger to the button.

“who goes there?” you presented the question as a joke, but your tone was a little flat.

“it’s the irs,” jason’s voice came through and you buzzed him in. 

not too long after, you heard him knock on the door. you cracked it open and the first thing you noticed was his cologne. it was a strong but pleasant scent. spicy and sweet. it was very intoxicating, actually. so much so that you almost forgot you were angry at him.

“hi.”

“hello.”

you opened the door fully and handed the envelope to him. jason eyed it suspiciously. he opened it up and began to count it out in front of you. he made an effort to do it very slow, the sound of the crisp dollars echoing in the quiet hall. his eyes stayed glued to yours as he counted out loud. you leaned against the doorframe as you watched.

“six… seven… eight,” he said, pulling out his wallet and stuffing it with the cash. “thought you would've skimmed some off the top.”

“i should have with how long you made me wait,” you said matter of factly, letting your annoyance be known now. 

“i know. i’m sorry,” he sounded honest but you couldn't see it in his face or in his eyes, which was worrisome. it was a nice alternative to listening to a sputter of excuses, though. “let me make it up to you?”

“how do you plan on doing that?”

“i’m so glad you asked,” he smiled. “as it turns out, i've recently come into some money. let me spend it on you?”

“so you like throwing money at your problems?” you asked him. well, you weren't really asking. it was more like you were telling him. 

“no,” he said, sounding a little offended. “i just thought-”

“you just thought that throwing money at me would make me forget about the fact that you ignored me for a month.”

“no, no,” he shook his head, sighing in frustration. “listen, i-”

“i really don't wanna hear it,” you said honestly, watching as his frustrated look turned into kicked puppy. you almost felt bad. “i don't like feeling stupid, jason. that's how i feel right now. i want you to make it up to me but you'll have to be a bit more creative than this.”

“you want me to make it up to you?” jason had repeated, confusion on his face. 

you poked him harshly in the chest. “you do that or you leave me alone. those are your options. goodbye.”

you shut the door in his face and let out the breath you were holding in. you weren’t sure how jason was going to react to your little ultimatum, but those were your terms. you liked him but you weren’t going to stress over someone you barely knew, especially with your assumptions about him floating around in your head. 

“i’ll be right back,” you heard him say through the door, catching you off guard. 

“what?”

“don’t go anywhere.”

you didn’t respond but you heard his footsteps getting quieter as he walked down the hall. the elevator ding indicated that he had left. you stood there, confused as to what it was he was trying to do. you were still stewing in your negative emotions, so you went and busied yourself again. you decided the dishes needed washing and got on it right away. in the middle of scrubbing the stubborn sauce stains out of your plate, you heard your door buzzer go off again. 

so he did come back after all. interesting.

you buzzed him in like you did before and waited by the door for him. he knocked and when you opened it, you were met with two gifts: a bouquet of pink tulips and a small box of something from the bakery around the corner. 

“i shouldn’t have ignored you. it was rude and stupid and i’m sorry. it won’t happen again,” he said to you, holding out the items to you. you hesitantly accepted them, taking the opportunity to look through the plastic opening of the box to see chocolate covered strawberries. 

“it better not happen again,” you pouted, looking up at him. you had to appreciate the effort he put in at such short notice. it was a sweet gesture and he actually looked sorry this time. 

“it won’t,” he assured you and you smiled.

“i forgive you. but you’re on thin fucking ice,” you reminded him and he grinned at you with a nod.

“i’m going to make it up to you. just you wait,” he said confidently. “not all of us are naturally creative like you, though. you gotta give me some time to think of something else.”

“seems like you’re getting your feet wet with the flower selection,” you noted, taking a whiff of the delicate and fresh scent. they’d look nice on your coffee table.

“lady at the shop said they would convey my sincerest apologies,” he explained, a hopeful look in his eyes. “did it work?”

“for now,” you shrugged, setting the items down on the table next to the door. 

“i can accept that.”

“you’re gonna have to because that’s all i’m giving you,” you said firmly. his charm wasn’t going to get him out of this one. not completely. “now go away. i want to eat my berries in peace.”

“i’ll text you as soon as i get the chance,” he told you as you were shutting the door. you peered at him, narrowing your eyes before shutting it again. “i’m serious!”

“goodbye, jason!” you said through the door. you heard his faint farewell as you walked away, plopping on the couch with your dessert in hand.

were you still a little mad at him? yes. but you weren’t going to pass up free stuff, even if you had made all that fuss about the money earlier. at least the gifts had some thought behind them. so long as he held up his end of the deal, you had a feeling being friends with jason wouldn’t be that bad.

hopefully, anyway.

Danger Days - Chapter fourteen: "Love, hate, love"

Word count: 8,8K

Summary: The band is decided to take care of Joey, and for once, she is ok with that. Gerard is trying to find a way to get closer to her while Matthew... gets drunk again.

Warnings: Alcohol consumption, cursing, cheating, angst, a lot of crying.

A/N: I want a friend like Mikey in my life. Do you guys think Joey will forgive Matthew? Would you do it? also, I love how honest Frank is with Joey. Gerard really hates him at this point hehehe.

Not my gif, and all this shit is fiction.

Masterlist

Chapter one | Chapter two | Chapter three | Chapter four | Chapter five | Chapter six | Chapter seven | Chapter eight | Chapter nine | Chapter ten | Chapter eleven | Chapter twelve | Chapter thirteen | Chapter fourteen | Chapter fifteen | Chapter sixteen | Chapter seventeen | Chapter eighteen | Chapter nineteen | Chapter twenty | Chapter twenty one | Chapter twenty-two | Chapter twenty-three | Chapter twenty-four |

::: Valencia, March 11th, 2011 :::

Joey's eyes were wide opened as she laid on her bed. She hadn't slept at all. Mikey was snoring next to her. He had stayed over to take care of her after everybody left. But he fell asleep, and the girl stayed up the whole night, not able to move or to do anything but to stare at the heart locket on her bedside table. It felt like bullshit to her now. What seemed to be so romantic was now nothing but a pile of lies.

Memories kept coming to her head. All of the times together with Matthew, their whole happiness. All the days they spent working on the house he had bought for them, and all the nights they sat in their new back yard to look at the stars, drink some wine and sleep in an inflatable mattress they had put in their bedroom. But what she remembered the most was the day they met. The day their whole story together had started, and how now Joey wished to go back in time and change it all. Ignore him, never talking to him, not even being in that studio that day. Anything that might keep her from the pain she was feeling now.

She had reached the studio early that morning. She had a meeting with a band at ten to record a demo. They needed a studio drummer, and Billy, the producer, contacted her. She had learned the songs; there were just three on the setlist. That shouldn't take more than three days in the whole process, including production.

Joey went through her warm-up and stretching before Billy walked in with two cups of coffee.

- "Thank you."

- "You are gonna need it,"- he said and cut her a short smile- "As far as I can tell, these guys are hyper"- the girl smiled and nodded.

- "Noted, hyper kids."

The drummer already had a lot of practice recording with random bands and some pretty known bands too. Yet, she wasn't ready for the tornado of energy that was about to go through the door that day.

The band was pretty funny and easy-going. Their music wasn't really in Joey's favorite playlist, but she was professional enough to give her best no matter what. Their friend, though, that guy was driving her insane. This very tall thin guy with light brown hair kept jumping with every song they played. He was sugar rushed or in coke. There was no way anyone would be that energetic on his own. And he had an opinion for every part of every song. Their friends loved him, it was clear, that's why they brought him along, but Joey was trying to do her work.

- "Hey,"- he said to her at the end of the session. He hadn't talked to her in the whole day- "That was pretty cool what you did back there."

- "Thanks"- she simply answered and looked for her backpack.

- "I mean, you played amazing, but the way you managed not to kill me through the whole day, though it was clear I was driving you insane, that was outstanding"- and the girl chuckled, she hated it 'cos she didn't want to, but that had been funny indeed.

- "It took a lot of will and mental strength, I must confess, you were pretty annoying,"- she answered with a snarky smile.

- "I'm sorry in advance for the next three or four days then"- the girl sighed and nodded.

- "Thanks, I guess."

- "Hey, can I try to make it up to you?"

- "By not to eat anything with sugar or take any coffee before coming tomorrow? Because that would be awesome"- and Matthew laughed. An honest big, and sincere laugher.

- "No, I was going to ask you if you wanted to get a coffee now with me..."

- "How much coffee do you have during the day?"- the drummer asked, raising an eyebrow.

- "A lot"- he simply answered- "So, what do you say? I promise I won't be annoying, or at least just the decent amount of annoying to be tolerable."

Joey didn't know what to reply. It had been ages since anyone had asked her out, and that guy was breathtakingly hot. Was it a prank? Why would he want to go out with her?

- "How are you planning not to be annoying?"- she asked and narrowed her eyes.

- "You can pinch me every time I get annoying,"- Gubler grinned, looking pretty excited to go out with her- "I know you want to pinch me."

Joey smiled and kept her eyes on his. He gave her the most adorable puppy eyes, and not even thinking about it, she accepted.

And that was the first of a thousand coffees they shared in almost a year together. They had even talked about getting married around the same date they had started dating. But now, none of that mattered anymore.

- "Mother fucker"- she whispered and slowly got out of bed. Mikey was still asleep. She wondered around the room, not knowing what to do. She went through all the things the guys had left upon a dresser: chocolate bars, filled chocolate, M&M, fun-size Snickers, all of her favorites candies. Frank's whiskey bottle, even a Pride and Prejudice Bluray.

- "You guys are awesome,"- she whispered and grabbed a bunch of candy. She looked through her things as she ate. It felt nothing was hers anymore. It felt that wasn't her life or her clothing. Not even her mind. She was out of herself. Her phone was nowhere to be seen. Probably Mikey had it hidden, just like she had done for him when he broke up with his wife. Now the tables had turned. And it felt weird. Wrong. Bad.

Joey had a knot in her stomach as she kept eating Snicker after Snicker. Still, she couldn't stop. She didn't want to stop. She found Matthew's shirts among her clothes, and her body shivered at the smell of his perfume still in the fabric. She could almost see his face, hear his voice, feel his hands on her skin. The same hands that had cheated.

Tears started falling right away. Still, she couldn't stop smelling the shirt. She couldn't stop thinking about him, about his face, his kisses, everything. But yet, she was so mad, so sad, so confused. Her stomach started aching, and the girl started retching. She ran to the bathroom and puked the few candies she had eaten. That was all that was left in her stomach.

- "Bug, hey..."- Mikey appeared running and kneeled next to her.

- "I'm ok, I just... I'm still..."- the girl sighed and wiped off the tears from her face, flushing. Mikey reached the mouthwash for her- "Thank you"- Joey clumsy stood up and spat in the sink.

- "Did you get any sleep?"

- "Not really"- the honesty of her answer surprised him. He was ready to deal with a girl in denial of her state. Instead, somehow, she just answered the truth. He decided to take another shot.

- "Are you hungry?"

- "Of course not. I just puked."

- "What do you wanna do today?"

- "Stay in here, in my pajamas, and watch shitty tv. How is your schedule for today? What do you have to do?"

- "Stay here in my pajama watching shitty tv with you,"- she cut him a sweet smile as she crawled into bed again.

- "You don't have to do that, Mikey. You have to work."

- "I know I don't have to, I want to do it for you"- he made a pause, grabbed the phone, and called room service.

- "Thank you,"- she whispered and heard him asking for two breakfasts.

- "Besides,"- Mikey added, after hanging up and getting into bed with her- "It's not like I have to show up and answer questions I've answered a million times before. That's why Gerard's the lead singer. He loves the attention."

Joey smiled and hugged Mikey, resting her head on his chest as he surfed channels.

- "Yeah, he is a little diva sometimes."

- "A little? Sometimes?"- Mikey chuckled- "Oh Bug, you have no idea..."

Gerard was walking on his own after the first interview. He asked for a few minutes to get something, and Worm came along to make sure he made it alive.

- "Dude, help, what can I give Joey?"

- "Is her birthday again or something?"

- "No, she broke up with Gubler, and I need something that might cheer her up."

- "Fuck! How is she?"

- "Locked in her room... what can I give her?"

- "Chocolates."- Worm answered right away.

- "Mikey got her a million of her favorites."

- "Booze."

- "Frank got her favorite whiskey."

- "Shit... movies to kill time?"- the man looked at Gerard and nodded- "So Ray got her movies?"

- "They had like a "break up kit" in their fucking bags or something. They know what to do, what to say to her, how to comfort her. And I ended up looking at her from a distance like... awkward and out of place."- Gerard was opening himself up at his friend.

- "Well, think of something that might help her use her time and mind to refocus her into something other than the breakup. Maybe a book"- Gerard nodded and kept looking at the window glazes. Instinctively he stood outside a stationery shop. He thought about it as he looked inside. To draw was an excellent way to kill time. Would she like that?

- "Why not?"- he said and walked in. After a few minutes, he stepped out with not two but three bags filled with art supplies.

- "Did you leave anything left in the store?"- Frank asked when he saw his friend carrying so many notebooks and pencils, you could think he was starting a store of his own. The two of them, plus Ray, got into the van to go to their following interview.

- "Funny. I just got Joey a few things to help her think of something else."

- "Cool man, good idea"- Ray smiled and took a look inside- "I just checked with Mikey. They were watching a movie."

- "How is she?"- Gerard asked as the van traveled through Valencia.

- "She didn't sleep, she hasn't eaten, Mikey was fighting to get her to eat some cereal... she was crying and puking when he woke up."

Gerard's heart ached in his chest as he heard Ray's words. He needed to find a way to make her feel better. But how? How if he never got to talk to her?

- "Any news from the asshole?"- Gerard asked, and Frank nodded.

- "Mikey has her phone off, so no one knows anything about him."

- "Do you think he is gonna show up?"- the singer asked, and both Ray and Frank looked at each other.

- "I think so,"- Toro said- "He is in love with her after all."

- "After all?"- Iero turned to him and frowned- "The fucker broke her heart! I don't want him near my little Bug in a thousand years."

Gerard wanted to hit Frank after calling her "his little Bug."

- "What the fuck is his problem? She ain't his. She is mine."

- "Frank, we are her friends, and we have to support her, but if she ever decides to get back with him again, even when we both know that's nearly impossible, we have to respect her. Ok?"- Ray was very rational about it, mostly 'cos he had lived it with other friends before- "So if he gets here, we can't do anything."

- "What do you mean "we can't do anything"?"- Frank frowned right away, frustrated- "I'm not gonna let that asshole near her."

- "Me neither, man"- Gerard adds- "And I can't believe you are saying this amount of shit after how she was yesterday."

- "It's called experience, Gerard. So remember, this whole shit ain't about how mad we are with Gubler, but about how much we want our friend to be happy, no matter what!"

Ray used his "dad" voice, and his friends couldn't argue with that. That was Raymond Toro's superpower: Super Dad.

Matthew looked at his mom and sighed. He still had three more days of shooting, and he was about to quit. Gubler barely had the strength to get out of bed that morning. He hadn't eaten. He looked like shit. He didn't want to be in the movie anymore. He gave a fuck about everything. So his mother came along to work with him and sat closely, reading a book, trying to comfort him in any way. Yes, that's how much Matthew loved his mother. And he cared shit if anyone made fun of him.

- "I can't do this, mom,"- he said as he walked to her by the end of a scene, he had some time to wait for things to be ready at the following location- "I mean, what the fuck am I doing here? I have to go to her! I have to tell her that I'm sorry"- he grabbed his phone and dialed- "Still off... Yami, please listen to me. I need to talk to you. This can't be it. I need you to listen to me."

- "Voicemail full"- a computer voice warned and finished the call.

- "Shit! Shit! Shit!"- the young man hit the wall next to him a couple of times as his face turned red in anger and desperation.

- "Matthew, please calm down, you are gonna go, but you need to be calm when you meet her. You have to put yourself together first. What are you going to tell her? How are you going to approach her?"- he sighed and walked around in front of his mother.

- "I just need to talk to her now!"- he whispered, pouting. He had never needed anyone as much as he needed Joey at that moment.

- "She has to make her process too. If you run to her now, you are both going to be still hyperventilated with what happened, you are going to be irrational, you know you will, and she is going to be still so hurt and mad she won't think straight"- Matthew sighed and looked at the ground- "Let the things cool down for a few days."

- "I still need to talk to her. I have to call her."

- "Just make sure you don't sound like a madman when you get to talk to her, ok?"

- "Do I sound like a madman now?"- his mother smiled at held his chin for a second

- "As I had never heard you before... you are in love, baby, it's ok to be a madman... just... try to keep a mind straight when it comes to talking to her, don't scare her away."

Matthew nodded and sighed. His mother's words made sense, but how to calm himself down when he felt he was dying inside? He grabbed his phone and dialed. Still off.

- "Can you come over tonight?"- he wrote and sent the text to Paget, his best friend.

- "Sure, is everything ok?"

- "Tell you tonight."

The band reached Joey's room at lunchtime. They brought pizza and beer, but she didn't want either. They talked to her about their day, the interviews, and Gerard gave her his present. That was the one thing Joey was excited about. She loved drawing and coloring, though she sucked at it.

- "Thank you, Gerard!"- she said and cut him a shy smile- "I wanted to get some of these things for a while and never did"- and the singer smiled proudly. He had finally done one thing right.

- "Hey, if you want, I can teach you a few things so you can start your comic,"- he said and sat next to her.

- "Thanks..."- she nodded but didn't look into the idea. Gerard was probably pushing too hard. But he had gotten so excited with her reaction he thought it was the solution to the whole situation. Nothing was farther from the truth.

- "Come on, Bug, we brought your favorite pizza,"- Frank said and sat next to her- "It has all the bacon in Spain."

- "I'm not hungry,"- she whispered and didn't take her eyes from the art supplies.

- "You've barely eaten,"- Mikey said and held her hand, looking at her so worried, it made Joey feel guilty for having her friend like that. It wasn't fair.

- "Bróðir, I am ok. I ate that cereal you gave me."

- "You threw it up twenty minutes later"- she closed her eyes and sighed- "Do you always throw up when you are upset?"- and she nodded. She didn't want to say a word about it. When Joey was a kid, she had many anxiety problems; she always threw up when she felt stressed. It was the way her body worked to cope with whatever it was that she was feeling.

- "Just a slice, I don't care if you vomit it,"- Frank insisted. She held it and took the tiniest bite possible in a poor attempt to make her friend happy. He just kept looking at her, forcing her to take another bite.

- "Do you have to go to work after lunch?"- she whispered and looked at her fingers playing with the bacon on her pizza.

- "Yeah, Bug. Mikey should probably go shower, but I'm gonna stay with you."

- "I'm not a baby, Ray"- the girl frowned- "I can be alone."

- "I know you can, I just feel like staying here, watch a bunch of movies... maybe sleep a little, I don't wanna go to work,"- Ray simply replied.

- "Guys, I know you are being too cute and adorable right now, and from the bottom of my heart, I am forever grateful for it, but I can stay alone. Nothing is gonna happen."

Mikey moved closer to Joey in the bed and wrapped an arm around her.

- "Sure, you are gonna be ok, but right now, we just wanna be with you... just today, ok? Tomorrow you are on your own,"- she turned and raised an eyebrow at him- "I promise."

- "Fine..."

- "Now eat"- he commanded and moved her pizza closer to her.

- "When are you going to give me my phone back?"- she asked after a while.

- "Tomorrow"- Mikey simply replied.

- "What's the plan for tomorrow, by the way?"- Joey asked and looked at her friends- "Do we have to be at the festival the whole day?"

- "No, but we have to be there early,"- Gerard said and chewed his food- "We have to do some press there, and you should come along."

- "I'm good, thanks."

- "No, really, it was great when we did that radio with you, and you've been great all along this tour, so... it would be great if you were there with us... how many times did I just say "great"?"- Joey smiled at Gerard and looked back at her pizza.

- "Like a million times, dude,"- Frank answered- "Hey, where's the veggie pizza?"

It was very heartwarming and, at the very same time, very overwhelming for Joey to feel that amount of love from her friends. She didn't see it coming. That afternoon, she and Ray watched Pride and Prejudice together, and she even allowed herself to share a few tears during those 90 minutes. Ray pretended he never noticed, and that made her happy.

She picked a bunch of other chick flicks she liked, and her friend watched them all, sleeping a little bit from time to time. Joey wasn't able to close an eye. Every time she took her mind off the movie, she thought of Matthew and started crying again.

By the time the rest of the band arrived again, with more booze, more food, and a whole bag of candies, Ray had watched Clueless, 10 things I hate about you and Ever After. He was pretty surprised to know Joey could recite from memory most of the dialogues in those movies. He never thought she could be so... girly.

- "Hey Bug!"- Mikey practically ran to her- "What are you doing?"

- "Coloring this mandala book Gerard got me"- it felt like she was a little kid and Ray was her nanny- "I don't know why people say this is relaxing; I find it pretty stressful"- Mikey looked at it and smiled.

- "Looks pretty cool to me."

- "Let me see"- Gerard said and walked to her, sitting for the very first time, next to her- "Yeah, that looks stressful"- he whispered, and she smiled- "But there was another coloring book in the bag."

- "I feel like I'm five years old,"- she whispered and looked at the singer in the eyes. He cut her a big smile and grabbed a notebook from his bag.

- "I stopped to buy ten comic books today, so that would make two of us."

- "What did you get?"- that conversation kept going. Gerard couldn't believe it.

- "I saw a few X-Men issues in Spanish, and I thought it would be a nice addition to my collection."

- "Nice..."- Frank moved closer and messed with the girl's hair.

- "I brought you a Dr. Pepper,"- he whispered and kissed her cheek.

- "Thank you, Jersey."

- "I also got you fries"- he smiled and raised an eyebrow- "You can't say no to fries..."- and damn it, Frank was right- "Cheesy fries"- he added with a low sexy voice.

- "I hate you, Frank."

- "It's time for you to face it, Iceland, you love me, you can't live without my pretty face making you laugh"- he teased her and chuckled. She kept her eyes in his and cut him a short smile.

- "Fuck you, Jersey"- she whispered but smiled and snuggled closer to him- "I love you. You are a psycho brother with the ability to make me want to punch you."

- "You are that hot second cousin I would nail,"- Frank answered with a chuckle and a low voice. Joey giggled and hit him simultaneously. Gerard froze, thinking there was no way Iero could be so honest with her about his thoughts, not making her mad.

- "Shut up. Why do you always ruin every single moment we've got together?"

- "'Cos... you laugh when I do, and I love to hear you laugh"- the girl chuckled and blushed.

- "Just give me the damn fries."

Gerard looked at his friend in shock. He had flirted, and she smiled. What the fuck was that? It was so clear everybody was closer to her than him... and she told him she loved him.

- "Damn it! You are not going anywhere tonight until you get fucking closer to this girl."

Around midnight, Ray and Frank stood up. Joey was still laid on her bed, wide awake, watching Lethal Weapon with Mikey.

- "Kids, you should go to bed"- Ray announced and put on his shoes- "We've got a big day tomorrow, and you should all rest, especially you, Bug. The dark rings under your eyes will not be covered with makeup, and we will be on tv tomorrow."

- "I'll sleep, I promise"- she whispered and nodded.

- "Are you going to be ok with these two?"- Frank asked after kissing the top of her head.

- "These two are leaving soon, so I'll be ok"- she made a pause and held Frank's hand- "Thank you, Jersey."

- "There is nothing to thank, Iceland. You are my friend, and I'll protect you no matter what."

- "Yeah... what you did yesterday when you yelled at... at him"- Joey couldn't even really say his name- "Well... thank you-" he smiled and winked.

- "Anytime"

- "I love you, dad,"- the girl said as Ray walked over. She wrapped her arms around him and felt him kiss her forehead.

- "Please, try to sleep."

- "I will ... and thank you for watching chick flicks with me."

- "Anytime you want."

- "Really? You won't get sick of the clichés?"- she smiled and wrinkled her nose.

- "No, maybe next time I'll pick a couple when we are on the bus."

- "Dad, it's a date."

- "Sleep tight."

Joey nodded and watched her friends walking out. Mikey kept his eyes on the tv as he ate a bag of M&Ms. Gerard was sitting at the other side of the bed, drawing in silence. The girl sighed and watched tv for a while, but her mind was somewhere else.

- "You should take a bath,"- Gerard whispered suddenly- "If you are going to try to sleep, maybe a hot shower can help you."

- "I thought I smelled so bad you were gonna force me"- Joey answered, not even looking at him.

- "Joey, I've lived with you for a lot of months so far, and I've been locked with you after playing shows covered in sweat"- Gee made a pause and smiled- "You've never smelled bad"- she rolled her eyes, but a slight smile appeared on her lips.

- "You've never been close enough to smell me."

- "She is right, she gets nasty"- and Mikey got smacked by a pillow after those words.

- "Fine, I'll shower..."- but before moving an inch, the girl looked at her friend and asked- "Can you give me my phone back?"

- "Tomorrow."

- "I want to call my parents"- Mikey took his phone from his pocket and gave it to her.

- "Use mine"- she huffed and dialed.

Gerard watched her walk around the room, speaking half in Spanish, half in English with her mother, and then half in Icelandic, half in English with her dad. It was a funny scene to see; he had never seen it. He had never seen a lot of her habits, and yet he had fallen in love with her. Why? How?

- "Dude, I'm talking to you"- Mikey said and threw him an empty bag of candy.

- "Sorry, what?"

- "Can you stay with her for a while? I have to go to my room and take the biggest dump on earth"- Gerard frowned, disgusted, and nodded.

- "Using the bathroom would have been enough, dude."

- "No, it wouldn't, you need to know the disgusting details of my organism..."- Mikey started gathering his things, and Joey frowned as she watched him.

- "Where are you going?"

- "To take a shit"

- "Please don't use my bathroom. You are gross. It's like there's a corpse coming out of you every time"- Joey simply says, and Gerard burst out laughing.

- "Best description ever!"

- "Here's your phone, bróðir."

- "Thank you, Bug"- he grabbed it, put on his shoes, his backpack, and hugged his friend tight- "I love you."

- "I know. I love you too."

- "I'll leave you with Gerard. Are you gonna be ok?"

- "I'll be fine,"- his older brother answered and never took his eyes from the paper, scared of looking at Joey under the circumstances. He was finally going to be alone with her. What was going to happen?

- "I was talking to her, dumbass"- Gerard flipped the bird to Mikey as Joey stayed hugged to his younger brother. He wished she could hug him like that one day. That night maybe...

- "You are the best brother on earth"- she whispered- "Now please go to your room and sleep."

- "Eat some chocolates, take a bath and fall asleep, ok?"- Joey nodded, and Mikey left the room.

Suddenly she realized it was just her and Gerard. For the first time in weeks. But her mind didn't have room to think about anything else but the pain she was feeling. She missed Matthew so much; watching Lethal Weapon was the best idea at the moment.

Gerard kept drawing in silence, and Joey watched the movie until it was over. She ate a few more Snickers and went through the pages of one of the mandala coloring books Gerard had given her.

- "Are you going to take that bath?"- he asked her. But she didn't answer. She had spaced out, staring at her hands in front of her- "Joey? Are you ok?"

- "Yes,"- she murmured and took a deep breath- "Yeah, I'm gonna shower."

- "Do you need me to run the shower for you?"- the singer asked, standing up, but the girl excused herself, moved out of the bed quickly, grabbed a clean pajama from her bag, and locked herself in the room.

Gee looked around and sighed. He knew she wasn't ok at all, so he cleaned the room a little, threw all of the empty bags of chocolates into the paper bin, called room service to take their dinner dishes away, and made the bed.

- "Hey babe"- he whispered as Lynz picked up the phone- "How are you?"

- "Good baby, you?"

- "So fucking tired"- he might have exaggerated that a little bit- "We had an eternal day today, doing a lot of press for the festival tomorrow."

- "My sweet baby, are you in the hotel?"

- "Yeah, already in bed "In Joey's bed, asshole."

- "And how's everybody?"

- "We are all exhausted. It's been forever since we've been home."

- "I know, honey, I miss you so."

- "I miss you more, baby."

Joey sat under the hot water of the shower, crying her eyes out. She held those tears for so long that day. She needed to get them out of her system when no one could see or hear her. Under the shower was good, with water running down her whole aching body.

She felt so much pain inside it seemed to be endless. She was never going to overcome it. Joey knew it. She actually thought she could die of sorrow. And her friends had been so nice to her. She felt she had to be better, so they were calmer. She didn't want to make them sick worry about her.

- "You to put out a show from the next day and start acting like you are getting over this whole deal"- she whispered to herself and whipped off her tears- "They deserve better than a broken drummer. You have to be professional, you are here to work, and you have to fucking do your best work."

But still, she looked at the ring that was still on her finger, and the tears came back. She didn't want to take it off. She wanted to hold onto the memory of the days she was happy. But it was so hard. She had been broken-hearted before, but not like that. It had never been like this. It felt like the end of her world, and she was sure she was never going to recover from it. She wouldn't be the same woman that she was before. She just didn't know how much of the old Joey was going to survive.

- "Joey, are you ok in there?"- Gerard asked from the other side of the door- "You've been in the shower for a long while."

- "Yeah, I'm coming out in a minute,"- she answered and cleared her throat- "You can go to your room if you want to, I'm ok."

- "I'm not leaving until you are tucked and asleep into that bed, Joey."

Gerard sighed and closed his eyes. He had brought this to her. She deserved him to be nice to her. Nice, he could do nice. He just had to turn his dick off, and everything was going to be ok.

Easier said than done, clearly.

Joey walked out of the shower in her pajamas, hair already dried, and night cream on her face, 'cos she had done nothing for herself in the whole day, and a part of her needed to feel a little human again.

- "You didn't have to stay,"- the girl said as soon as she saw Gerard sitting on her bed, his back resting on the headboard.

- "I didn't want to leave"- he simply answered and tapped the bed beside him- "Come here... "- she sighed and thought a few months ago she would have been shaking as jelly under those circumstances. Now it seemed Joey couldn't even think of Gerard in any way that wasn't a friend.

She crawled into the bed and looked at what he was doing. He had been working on a sketch for a long while now.

- "What are you doing?"

- "Not much, just trying to ease my mind, I think"- he answered and showed Joey his drawings- "I've been working on characters for the stories I wanna write, so I keep making sketches of random thoughts and ideas I've got for them"- Gerard opened another folder and showed Joey some more of his work- "These I've developed for a long while, but I still don't feel they are ready."

- "How do you know they are ready?"- he hesitated for a second before answering.

- "I guess they never really are. You are constantly changing little things about them with time."

- "Like songs?"

- "Yeah"- the girl looked at the drawings in silence for a few minutes. Gerard looked at her as she stared at each sheet with detention. He analyzed her eyes, her lips, and her cheeks. She was still very pale, black rings under her eyes. But yet, for him, she was gorgeous. He was dying to hold her.

- "They are pretty cool,"- she said and handed them back.

- "Hey, did you ever finish the song you were writing the other day?"

- "The other day, you mean five months ago?"- he nodded, thinking it felt it was just a few weeks ago- "Yeah, I did."

- "Can I hear it?"

- "Sure, one day you'll hear it, not today, dude. Today, I don't want anything"- he nodded and watched her sighing.

- "Another movie?"- and she nodded- "Do you wanna pick it?"

- "No... I don't care what's on the screen as long as I don't think"- Gerard grabbed the remote control as Joey kept playing with the ring on her finger- "Are you going to..."

- "I'm not talking about it,"- she answered right away.

- "Sorry..."- he muted and surfed through the pay-per-view options until he picked up "The Goonies." Joey didn't say a word. That was one of Matthew's favorite movies. But she wanted to watch it. She wanted to feel he was close. She was so mad and so in love that she didn't know what to do.

Gerard put all his art supplies in his bag and cuddled next to Joey. He did it just like Frank had done the night before: like it wasn't a big deal at all. He wrapped an arm around her neck and moved closer. She didn't do anything against that. Instead, she rested her head on his chest and sighed. Gerard felt triumphant. She was in his arms, finally. But Joey had cuddled for one reason only: it was the best position to hide the tears that started falling slowly as the movie began. She remembered clearly the first time Matthew "forced her" to watch "The Goonies." It was a Saturday. It was raining outside. They spent the whole day in bed, watching movies, making love, eating chocolate chip hotcakes, and s'mores. It was the perfect day. Now it was just a hurtful memory.

Meanwhile, back in Los Angeles, Gubler could feel the anger coming from Paget's eyes as he came clean and told her the whole story. They were at his house drinking beer and talking. Mostly Matthew was doing all the talking, while his best friend decided which was the best moment to hit him.

- "You are fucked"- Paget simply said as he kept talking. He stopped and frowned. But nothing came from his mouth- "I can't believe you did that! You are disgusting, Matthew!!"

Paget lost it for a second. She never, in all the years she had known her best friend, ever thought he could do such a thing.

- "I know"

- "I just... why did you do it?"

- "I was drunk!"

- "That's not an excuse!! You've been drunk before! And your cock hadn't ended up in your ex-girlfriend's mouth, so be honest with me and tell me what the fuck happened?"

- "I don't know! When I noticed it wasn't Joey, I stopped it all!"

- "You thought your girlfriend was sucking your cock?"

- "Yes!"

- "And why did you make out with those girls at the dancefloor?! Everybody saw you!"

- "I lost it for a second, 'cos I was scared Joey might cheat!"- Matthew murmured and looked at the floor, so ashamed of his own words.

- "And you did it 'cos you were scared she would?!"- Paget yelled and smacked his head- "What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

- "I don't know!"- the boy rubbed his hands against his face feeling the anger filling his whole body- "Don't you think I regret it?! I hate myself! I was stupid!"

- "Yes! You were fucking stupid! Do you know what it takes to get someone to love you the way she does?! Do you know how hard it is to find someone as weird as you?!"

- "I know it's hard! I know it's fucking impossible, and I know I fucked it up! But I need you to help me fix this!"

- "You could start by going to see her and beg for forgiveness!"

- "That's what I want to do, but mom said I have to give her a few days to calm down."

- "She is right, and you have to calm down too."

- "She said I sound like a mad man."

- "Madder than usual, yes"- Paget nodded, still serious- "And where is she now?"

- "Spain, she has a huge festival show tomorrow, it's gonna be televised..."

- "So you get to see her live?"- he nodded- "And after that?"

- "Germany, Denmark, Norway, Sweden, she is only staying one day at those places, she is traveling by bus, so she is going to be stuck with the band all the time. And those guys hate me."

- "Right now, I hate you too."

- "Please stop hating me and help me find a way to get to her 'cos I know they are not gonna let me."

- "They have nothing to do with this whole situation! What are you talking about?"

- "Well, they've always been very protective of her, which used to bother me a lot, until I realized they loved her like a little sister, and she is happy with that 'cos she doesn't have many friends."- Matthew was talking very fast, as the words kept coming nonstop- "Eventually, we got closer, especially with Mikey. He is like her older brother on the road, and he is so fucking nice to her for a moment, I thought he was in love with her. But it turns out he loves her as a sister, which made me happy 'cos it meant she wasn't alone in that tour."

- "To the point, Matthew."- Paget sighed, annoyed.

- "Yeah, sorry. What happened was I called her after our fight, and Frank picked up the phone and told me he is going to kill me if he ever sees me again, and threaten me to beat the shit out of me if I ever try to get near her."

- "What at asshole!"

- "I know!"

- "You completely deserved that!"

- "Paget!!"

- "You would do that for me if someone breaks my heart, so deal with it"- Gubler nodded and for a second, then chuckled.

- "A few months ago, Joey told me the same thing..."- he sighed and stayed in silence- "I miss her so much it hurts."

- "I know"

- "I need to get her back..."- his friend didn't say a word, just rubbed his arm gently and cut him a short smile.

Paget couldn't promise him he was going to get her back 'cos she knew how much it hurt being cheated on, and she had never forgiven a guy for that. And by everything Matthew had told her about Joey so far, she knew she wasn't going to do that either. But she couldn't tell him to give up either. She knew he wasn't going to.

Joey sighed. The movie was over, and she was starting to feel tired. She was afraid to sleep though, she knew she would dream with Matthew Gray, and it hurt to even think about it.

- "Ready to get some rest?"- Gerard whispered. She didn't move- "I know you are awake."

- "Are you a psychic?"- she whispered, and he just smiled.

- "I can see your reflex on the screen"- he caressed her hair softly- "Do you need anything?"

- "No... thanks."

- "Do you want me to stay over tonight?"- Gerard simply asked, making sure it sounded like no big deal, though he could hyperventilate if she ever said yes- "I wouldn't mind."

- "I think I could use some time on my own"- Joey answered and moved on the bed, sitting next to him

- "I get it..."

- "Thank you, though. Thank you for taking care of me today and for bringing me so many things."

- "Hey, don't thank me for it. I'm glad I could make you smile even a little bit"- Gerard murmured and tuck some hair behind Joey's ear softly- "I just want you to be happy. You deserve to be so happy."

She didn't move, mostly 'cos she had spaced out thinking about Matthew again. She didn't seem to have room in her head for any other thought but him.

Gerard saw this as a chance to move a little further. He kept his hand in her hair and moved it slowly down to the backside of her neck. The girl chilled and looked into his eyes. That look, it wasn't a friendly one, and she just noticed it.

- "Joey, you deserve so much better than what he did to you, and if it were for me, I would give you everything, my whole life."

- "Thank you, Gerard"- she whispered and smiled- "You are a good friend."

- "I wasn't saying that as a friend."

Way smiled and moved closer to her, his nose touching hers. She didn't move. She didn't know what to do, actually. She had always thought he was incredibly hot, but she never wanted to cheat on Matthew. But now, that didn't matter anymore.

Gerard moved a few centimeters closer, and his lips touched Joey's. Electricity ran down his back as he kissed her slowly, just to make sure she wasn't going to move away. She didn't. And slowly, she kissed him back.

His hands cupped her face carefully as Gerard increased the kiss, slipping his tongue between her lips. They tasted like chocolate, and they felt warm against his. It was blissful. It was like all the months he had to wait to feel that kiss had been completely worthy. That was the best kiss he had ever given, and his heart was rising so much, he thought it was going to escape from his chest.

Joey wasn't thinking. She wasn't at all. She just went along with the kiss 'cos it felt nice. And it also felt like payback. Like if by kissing Gerard, she was getting sweet revenge for what Matthew had done to her.

Gerard increased the kiss a little more, biting her lower lip and moving her closer to him. He wrapped an arm tight around her and kept a hand playing from her cheek to her neck slowly. Joey was enjoying this, Way was a pretty good kisser, and it was honestly a kiss she had thought about a million times. But it felt empty, like the kind of kiss you give to a random guy when you are drunk at a party. And this wasn't a random guy. This was her colleague, her married colleague.

- "Stop"- she whispered and broke the kiss.

- "What is it?"- she landed her hands on Gerard's chest and pushed him away softly.

- "This is wrong."

- "Why?"- Joey frowned as he held her hands and looked confused.

- "Well, apart from the obvious"- she said and pointed at his wedding right- "I'm at the lowest point of my life, and we work together. I can't afford to lose my job right now, so kissing one of my colleagues seems like a pretty shitty idea to me."

- "Not to me."

- "Gerard... that's your cock talking,"- Joey stood up and looked at him.

- "I've longed to kiss you for a long while"- he confessed following her and standing right in front of her- "And I've got the feeling so did you."

- "That's not the point. This it's wrong."

- "But it felt good, and you know it."

Gerard leaned to her, held her face, and pressed his lips against her, this time in a passionate kiss that made Joey feel weak on her knees. Instinctively, she wrapped her arms around his neck and felt his hands on her waist, moving her closer. So close that she could feel his erection, rubbing against her body.

- "You should go"- Joey whispered, gasping for air as she moved from his lips.

- "But I wanna stay"- she shook her head immediately.

- "You have to go, Gerard."

- "But, Sugar"- he murmured and rubbed his lips against her. She let him go slowly and looked at him, shaking her head again- "Ok..."- he grabbed his jacket and his shoes and landed a soft kiss on Joey's cheek- "Good night, sugar."

- "Bye, Gerard."

The singer walked out of that room and sighed. That had been the best kiss of his life. But Joey was right; it had been a mistake. However, it was a mistake he wanted to make ever since he first saw her. Still, he had just cheated on his wife. But that was a thought he needed to ignore at the moment. He had kissed the girl he loved. And he was in heaven.

Joey was in hell. She hated herself so much she wanted to die. She brushed her teeth over and over again, tears falling from her eyes. Her head hurt after so many days of crying. She had kissed another guy. And though Matthew had done the same to her, she still felt guilty and dirty. She was so sorry for what she had done; she knew it had been a terrible mistake. She didn't even want to face Gerard after that.

He was so eager for her, he had been holding that kiss for a long time, and he simply confessed it, like it wasn't a big deal. But it was. It meant Matthew had been right all along; Gerard had a thing on her, something that had ended up being a hot kiss. A very hot kiss. And if she hadn't stopped him, it was clear where Gerard wanted to go.

- "He had a boner for Christ Sakes!"- the girl argued, walking back to bed- "A fucking boner!"- she got under the covers, wrapping her arms around her legs, biting her lips so hard she nearly drawn blood.

Kissing someone else while still in love with Matthew didn't feel right. She didn't want to do it again. No matter how hot Gerard was. She missed her boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend. How was she ever going to get over him? She knew it was impossible. You don't love someone that much and successfully take him from your heart.

It was a good thing that Mikey had her phone, 'cos she felt the urge to call Matthew at the moment. That would have been stupid, and she knew it. But still, it physically hurt to miss him so much. She needed to talk to him. But Mikey had her phone... he didn't have her computer, though.

She looked for it in her backpack and started it on right away.

- "What the fuck are you doing?"- she asked herself out loud as she stared at the screen- "You can't talk to him... you are going to cave in."

Joey brushed her hands against her face and closed the computer. But after a few minutes, she poured herself a glass of whiskey and opened it again. She had decided to check her mail, and maybe Twitter, nothing related to her boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend.

But her inbox was filled with emails from Matthew. At least twenty. Her stomach tightened as soon as she saw them. She took a sip of whiskey and opened the first one. It was sent the night before, probably after Frank had yelled at him and turned off her phone.

"I'm so sorry Yami, I know I was stupid and drunk, and I'll regret it for the rest of my life. But I need you to know you are the only woman I wanna spend the rest of my life with. I love you so much it hurts to think of a day without even hearing your voice."

Joey was already crying. This wasn't healthy. Why was she doing it? She needed to sleep. She needed to get her mind from Matthew. But the memory of Gerard's kisses was right there hunting her too. She poured herself another whiskey and walked around the room. Maybe she could drink herself to sleep. But, she had a huge gig the next day, and she had to be professional.

- "Fuck! I wanna die..."- she sobbed and opened the next mail.

"I know you don't want to talk to me, and I get it. I just need you to understand how much I love you and that I'm willing to do anything to fix this, anything you want, everything you ask; I'll do it, but please, please don't leave me."

- "I have to stop this..."- she took another sip of her whiskey and whipped off her tears. She walked to the phone and talked to the front desk.

- "Hello, sorry to bother you, but can you please connect me with room 1201? Thank you"- the girl waited in line for what felt like ages until she heard Mikey's half-asleep.

- "Joey, are you ok?"

- "No, I'm not ok. Can you come and sleep with me, please?"

- "I'll be right there"- Joey stayed still, eyes glued on the screen, reading over and over again the last mail she had opened.

Mikey didn't even knock. He still had her key, so he just walked into the room in boxers and shirt, shoeless and with his hair made a huge mess. Mikey didn't say a word either; he just took the computer away from her and closed it, grabbed the glass, drank what was left of her whiskey, and got Joey under the covers of the bed. She was shaking and crying quietly.

- "You are gonna be ok Bug, I swear, please try to get some sleep"- he said and held her tight, spooning her- "I'm right here, I'm going to take care of you, ok?"- she nodded and sighed- "Now close your eyes and sleep, I've got you, ok? I've got you."

Joey sniffed and sobbed a little, feeling how her brother's arms tightened around her.

- "Thank you, Mikey."

- "You did the same for me. I owe you my life at this point. I'm never going to leave you."

Back in Los Angeles, Matthew was drunk, calling and calling Joey without any result. Her phone was off, her voicemail was full. So he continued writing emails. At least he could put his heart out in a way, though he had no idea if she was ever going to read them.

Paget, next to him, tried to stop him. But it was useless. The boy wanted to write and ignored everything else.

- "Matthew, Matthew"- she said and shook her arm- "Buy the fucking plane ticket to see her!"

- "Yes!!"- he kind of shouted and took a paper from his pocket- "This is Yami's tour schedule... the movie ends in two days, I can go take a plane straight from the set... so I have to go to Oslo if I wanna catch her."

- "Nice! Bring souvenirs"- his friend smiled, trying to cheer him up

- "Deal"- the boy grabbed his credit card and booked the first flight he found to Norway- "You know it is our anniversary next 17th, if everything goes right, we could actually celebrate our first year together."

- "Please, Matthew, and I need you to listen to me"- Paget said seriously and looked into her best friend's eyes, making sure he would understand her, though he was wasted- "Please, whatever you do, don't fuck it up! ok?"

- "Yes."

- "'Cos this is going to be the only chance you'll get to talk to her and fix everything. Trust me."

Gubler nodded with widened eyes. He was drunk, tired, and devastated, but still, he got how serious and honest Paget was with him. He knew he wasn't going to get many chances to get Joey back. And maybe that was going to be the only one.

**

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There is Only Try, Part I

“Love spell,” Rowena proclaims as she glides down the stairs to the Bunker floor like it’s her personal ballroom. Her midnight blue floor-length gown and elaborately curled hair look especially out of place - Dean’s pretty sure his shirt has pizza stains from at least three different pizzas. The shirt is red, so at least two of them don’t count.

Behind her on the stairs, Sam chokes.

Rowena turns around to face him. “And I thought this was going to be a challenge,” she chides. “Really, Samuel?”

“What do you mean, ‘love spell’?” Dean demands with a fleeting glance at Cas, who’s gone red in the face. Dean doesn’t blame him - between the hooker with the daddy problems and the stabby reaper, he’d be leery of anything vaguely love-shaped too.

“We called you because we need to translate the runes on a cursed box,” Sam says slowly. “We think it’s in some sort of cipher, since even Cas can’t get a read on it.”

“Well, did Tweety Pie touch the box?”

“No,” Cas says, offended.

Dean nudges him with his elbow, saying in an undertone, “C’mon, like it wouldn’t be the first time.”

“Dean.”

Dean takes in Cas’s unamused face and scowls at Rowena's tinkling laugh. “Okay, Sabrina, what the fuck do you mean by ‘love spell’?”

“I mean the angel’s been cursed with a love spell,” Rowena says with deliberate slowness, like she’s giving a command to a particularly stupid lap dog. “Was it not obvious?”

Dean glances at Cas, horror trickling down his spine. “No.”

“Hmph,” Rowena sniffs. “Men really are oblivious to matters of the heart.” She waves her hand again, eyes glimmering violet. “Like I thought,” she continues, placing both hands on her hips, “A jardin d’amour.”

“A garden of,” Sam pauses, clearly trying not to laugh, “love?”

“A very basic love spell,” Rowena says disdainfully. “The lass didn’t seem to have any imagination.”

“The witch we ganked two weeks ago was a dude,” Dean says. A beat. “A man witch.”

Sam snorts.

“There you go,” Rowena says, lifting her nose into the air. “Most men don’t have that innate knack for the magical arts.” She turns to Sam, giving him the most obvious come-hither look Dean has ever seen. “There are some obvious exceptions, of course.”

Okay, Dean needs Rowena and her heebs with a large dosing of the jeebs out of the Bunker, stat.

“It starts as a tiny seed, a wee obsession,” Rowena explains, “and grows and grows until it consumes you.” She squints, wiggling her fingers, and Dean just barely stops himself from jumping in front of Cas on instinct. “I’d say the spell’s gone about halfway through its course.”

Dean crosses his arms over his chest. He throws another calculating glance at Cas. “He’s not writing love songs or grabbing a boombox, so he’s obviously not cursed.”

Cas, still suspiciously silent, shoves both his hands in his pockets and stares hard at a spot of the floor between his feet.

“Oh, but he is, darlin’,” Rowena exclaims delightedly. “I can see it clear as day. Look!”

Cas sneezes as the magic washes over him for a third time, and now they all can see the purple sparkles - really, Rowena? - hovering in the air around him.

“Okay,” Dean makes a face, “Now I’m confused.”

“Not for the first time, isn’t that right?” Rowena says with faux-sympathy.

Dean glowers. He turns to Cas. “Come on, she’s making this all up. You’d know if you got dosed with Love Potion No. 9.”

“I-” Cas says, his gaze skittering from Dean to Rowena and back again. He looks… caught.

“Wait,” Dean thunders, taking a step forward, “You knew?”

“I,” Cas starts haltingly, “had suspected.”

“And you didn’t think you’d tell us you’d been whammied?”

Cas shrugs. “It doesn’t seem to be affecting me at all. My vessel is functioning normally.”

“Sure, because you’re such an expert on normal-”

Cas’s eyes flash. “It didn’t seem relevant considering everything else-”

“What d’you mean every-?”

“Kelly Kline - Lucifer, again - the British Men of Letters - take your pick,” Castiel retorts heatedly.

“We’ve got that under control-”

“Killing a child is not ‘under control’-”

“It is if the kid’s the literal spawn of Satan-”

“I never thought I’d hear Dean Winchester defending the murder of an inno-”

Dean throws up his hands. “Did you miss my ‘spawn of Satan’ comment?”

“No,” Cas says, his expression as stony as the Bunker’s foundations, “my hearing is excellent.”

Off to the side, Rowena mutters in a carrying stage-whisper, “I can see how a wee curse like this is the least of your problems.”

“Yeah, no shit,” Sam says, running a weary hand down his face.

Dean rounds on them. “What?”

“Do you want me to remove the love spell or not?” Rowena asks, eyebrows raised. “My time is precious, you know. I don’t live to be at the Winchesters’ beck and call.”

“For the last fucking time, it’s not a goddamn spell!” Dean explodes. “Whatever it is, he is not in love. He hasn’t been acting any different.”

Rowena beams. “Well now, if he were already in love, it would have no outward effects. He’d…” Her expression becomes stomach-turningly sly, “...function normally, so to speak.”

Cas’s mouth sets in a firm line. As Dean goggles at him, Cas demands, “Remove the spell, now.”

Dean swallows. Cas can’t be - she can’t be implying - that’s impossible. He’s an angel. They don’t feel things like that.

Do they?

“I’m going to need some ingredients,” Rowena says, looking up to Sam. “Where might they be?”

Sam gestures her forward. “Back in the store room, I’ll show you.”

Rowena pats him lightly on the arm. “What a gentleman,” she simpers as Dean pretends to hurl behind her back.

Dean can’t bring himself to speak until they’re both out of earshot, their footsteps fading off into the distance. He turns to Cas, trying to keep his voice detached and failing miserably. “So, you think it got you after all?”

Cas looks away. “I know it has.”

“Oh.” Dean picks up his empty whiskey glass. He runs a hand down his face, trying to scrub away whatever he’s feeling. It doesn't work. “I don’t know about you, but I could use a drink. Fucking witches.”

“I - I could use one as well,” Cas says to Dean’s surprise.

* * *

“So, uh, who’s the lucky chick?” Dean asks as he makes a beeline for the liquor cart in the library off the war room. He grabs an additional glass for Cas and the bottle of Jack, tips the bottle down his own throat to get them started, and pours them out a few fingers.

Cas takes his drink, jaw clenching. He doesn’t look like a dude head over heels. He looks like his normal sleep-deprived, tax accountant self. He stays silent.

Dean thumps heavily down into a chair. “Have we met her?” he prompts because he’s nothing if not a masochist at heart.

“You could say so, in a sense.” Cas raises his eyes to meet Dean’s, face softening, and Dean’s going to hurl for real this time. Cas continues, “There’s not much in my life I keep from you.”

Dean swallows against the ball of self-loathing and disgust clogging his throat. “Some lady angel, then? Been dreaming about plucking her harp strings?”

Cas scowls into his drink. “No.”

“Not an angel?”

“Not a lady,” Cas says, his voice almost unbearably stiff. “And not an angel, either. A human - a beautifully flawed human.”

Dean has no words to say to that, so he drinks. Cas has probably met thousands of people - nice, normal people who aren’t fucked up in the head from ganking monsters their whole lives - since he’s been on Earth. God knows, he hasn’t been plastered to Dean’s side the entire time. Lately, Dean can’t even come up with a good excuse to get him to stay for more than a day or two at most.

“A guy, then,” Dean says to make sure they’re on the same page - because last time he checked, waves of celestial intent cared less about acing a Gender and Sexuality 101 class and more about whether a meatsuit could withstand a holy oil molotov cocktail.

Cas nods, his eyes narrowing. “Your opinion on homosexual relationships is part of the reason I’ve never brought it up before.”

“Hey, I don’t judge,” Dean says, not entirely truthfully. He holds his hands up in a gesture of innocence. “Homo it up, man. Love is love.”

Cas’s nose wrinkles, but he doesn’t comment on Dean’s hamfisted attempt at proving his acceptance of ‘alternative lifestyles’ as Dad might’ve put it charitably one time. “It’s complicated,” Cas adds, like any part of this fucked-up situation could fit under a goddamn Facebook status.

Dean hitches a grin on his face that probably wouldn’t fool a blind person. “So, apart from that, how come you’ve never come to me for help? I don’t wanna brag, but I’m kind of an expert in hookups. Sam’s kind of hopeless. He can’t get a chick into bed without her dying on him.”

Cas knocks back his glass. “I didn’t want to bother you with my feelings.”

Dean automatically grimaces at the mention of feelings. But, hell, he’s not a teenage girl. He can man up and be there for his best friend.

He has to - Cas hardly asks him for anything anymore.

Sure, Cas didn’t exactly ask Dean for anything this time around, but Dean can read between the lines. Now that he’s copped to what’s going on beneath Cas’s still waters, he can see how deep those feelings run. Especially if what Rowena’s saying is true and a love spell is barely a drop in the bucket.

“And, regardless, your ‘hookup’ skills wouldn’t be relevant, anyway,” Cas says quietly, lowering his hands. “I’m not interested in… coupling.”

Dean wrinkles his nose. “That reaper really screwed you over, didn’t she? Look, just because you got shanked, doesn’t mean all sex winds up with an angel blade-”

“I misspoke,” Cas says over him. “What I mean is, I would rather have no sexual relations at all if I cannot have all of him: mind, body, and soul.”

Trust Cas to spout the most profound cheese Dean has ever heard.

And also, what the fuck? Dean can’t get behind that idea at all. Dean’s always been a take what you can get kind of dude. He had to be, with what he has to work with - a pretty face, a killer's instinct, and an inability to have a normal relationship if his goddamn life depended on it.

Like, if Dean had gotten the slightest whiff that Cas was down with gettin’ down and dirty with Dean as his last hurrah (which of course he didn’t), Dean would never have bothered with that stupid den of inequity. As hilarious as the outcome was, he would have gone for a little something-something for himself before the end of the world.

Of course, Dean wasn’t in love with Cas yet then. Whenever it came to mind, it was just a fun thought experiment, an idle what if for him to think about during a dry spell. Like his fantasies about fucking Ginger from Gilligan’s Island. Or hatesex with Bela Talbot.

But none of that mattered because every step of the way from Castiel, mighty Angel of the Lord, to Cas, their friendly neighborhood angel-man, he never hinted he’d be down for a quick roll in the hay... or something more serious.

Dean remembers very clearly: Anna fell to experience emotions, even the bad ones.

And Dean’s not an idiot - Cas obviously experiences emotions now. Dude’s been through too much not to feel something. But Dean’s never deluded himself that they could ever include all the romantic lovey-dovey, chick-flick moments crap.

Family love, sure. Cas might love all his haloed siblings. Cas has been around for all the Top 10 worst decisions that are the Winchesters’ version of brotherly devotion. Cas even said the big L-word out loud himself, when he was bleeding out in that barn a month ago.

But romantic love? The big kahuna L-O-V-E?

Dean always thought scaling Mount Everest with a plastic beach shovel would be easier than convincing an angel to feel that way about anyone. Cas is a wave of celestial intent; waves of celestial intent don’t do anything as human, as stupid, as fall in love.

But apparently they do.

So maybe that’s why Cas has always been so hard to pin down, so eager to leave Dean all the time. He’s been off pining after this mystery guy.

Awesome.

Cas heaves a weighty sigh and finishes off his own glass of whiskey. Without another word, he half raises from his chair, reaching around the table lamp, to pour them both a second round. “I suppose there is a bit of a relief in finally saying it,” he says in a low voice. “I can’t be with him, but there is a certain amount of happiness in it being known, just being seen.”

Dean wastes no time in downing half his new drink. Throat burning in warning, he forces out, “Why - why can’t you? You’re a freaking angel - thought you could have anyone.” Dean frowns. “He’s not a civilian, is he?”

Talk about a recipe for disaster: Cas plus normal person equals uncomfortable questions and fucked up babysitting gigs.

Cas’s eyes widen. Almost imperceptibly, he shakes his head. “Ah, no, not really.”

“So he knows about angels.”

Cas gives a slow nod. “He doesn’t have a very high opinion of them, though,” he says ruefully, staring down into his glass. “They’ve made his life very difficult over the past few years.”

Dean scoffs, “He can join the club.”

Cas flinches.

“Hey, no,” Deans says quickly, “Not you.”

Cas raises head, his eyes unbearably bleak. “Why not me? I was the one who set the Leviathans and angels loose on humanity to wage their wars, among a dozen other transgressions.” He adds morosely, “Sometimes I wonder if it would have been better if a different angel rescued you from Hell after all.”

Dean blinks at Cas, his stomach turning over with dread at the very idea. He tries to picture some nameless angel yanking him out of the Pit or marching into that barn with all the righteousness of Heaven on his heels. Dean can’t do it.

Or worse, not a nameless angel. Uriel, who was ready to kill thousands without a second thought. Zachariah, that dickwad with the mind games. Even Hannah, who Dean reluctantly liked - he still can’t see her sticking by their side, falling, sacrificing everything for them.

Cas is their third wheel, the stabilizer that keeps Team Free Will upright and moving forward. Without him, they’re a tandem bicycle, and nobody wants a repeat of that opening scene from Gabriel’s sitcom from Hell.

“Yeah, but at least you always tried to do the right thing.”

“There is no try, only what I did or did not do,” Cas answers with a strange, defeated expression.

“Okay, but,” Dean starts, rolling his eyes at Cas’s butchered Star Wars reference, “Yoda’s a lot of things, but applicable to the real world without space lasers, he is not. Sometimes the only thing you can do is try, dude.”

God knows, Dean could never have forgiven Cas for any of the shit he pulled if he hadn’t been 100% positive Cas had the best of intentions. Cas did all those things to save the world, and, sometimes, to save Dean personally. Which gives him the girliest, fuzzy feelings and also makes him want to punch a wall.

Cas throws him a pitying look. “Every time I ‘try’ to make things better, I fail.” He shakes his head. “When you were taken, I searched for months to find you. Kelly escaped on my watch, and I couldn't find her. I’m a… dumbass.”

“I thought you preferred ‘trusting,’” Dean jokes, and it only sounds a little forced.

Cas throws him an exasperated look. “Perhaps a few years ago. But now? I’ve made too many mistakes, and people have suffered - you and Sam have suffered - as a result. You don’t need to spare my feelings, Dean. It’s hardly what I deserve.”

Dean frowns, tapping his fingers against his glass as he takes in Cas's defeated air. “Hey, what’s with the pity party?”

“It’s not a ‘pity party’,” Cas counters. “These are basic facts.”

Dean leans forward, bracing his elbows on the table. “You aren’t serious.”

Cas stares back. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Dean rakes his gaze up and down Cas’s face, looking for a break, for a tell - even though he knows he won’t find any. “You saved the world. A couple of times by now.”

“I also personally put it in jeopardy more than once,” Cas mutters. “I trusted Crowley to steal Purgatory. I trusted Metatron to bring peace to Heaven. I trusted Lucifer to take out the Darkness.”

Dean’s heart sinks with every reminder of Cas’s greatest hits. “Come on…”

Cas’s mouth thins, lips pressing together as he raises his glass to his mouth. “You don’t need to stay to keep me company, either,” he says in a low voice. “I’m the one under the spell. If you have anything more pressing, I can wait here for Rowena.”

“Shut up,” Dean says automatically. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Cas exhales a weighty sigh, his shoulders losing some of their tension.

“Hey, what you need - hell, what we both need - is a win,” Dean says reassuringly. “Everything’s been such shit, you need a reminder to keep going.” He gets up from his seat, his legs itching to move. “Why don’t you tell me more about that man of yours?” he asks quickly, his words nearly tripping over themselves to get out before the regret sets in. “Maybe that’s the key to getting your head back in the game.”

Cas doesn’t say anything as Dean moves to peruse a row of books he has no intention of ever reading. Eventually, Cas protests without much conviction, “My head is in the game. I am still useful.”

Dean’s head jerks around so fast it nearly gives him whiplash. “That’s not what I meant.”

“It isn’t?” Cas asks, head tilting in confusion.

Dean makes a face. “I mean, if you’re feeling down, you… shouldn’t.”

“I don’t understand.”

Dean paces to the other end of the bookshelf, unbelievably annoyed at Cas for making him spell it out for him. “Forget it,” Dean says instead. “I still owe you for ganking Billie-”

“But the cosmic consequences-”

“Will suck, but in the meantime you saved our lives. I owe you.” Dean turns so he’s back to fully facing Cas. “So, tell me what this mystery guy is into.”

Cas’s eyes narrow at him. “I’d prefer not to talk about it.”

“Seriously?”

Cas straightens and nods.

“But,” Dean says, words failing as he wars with himself. He could push Cas for more info or keep on living in blissful ignorance. But if he has to choose between his own personal peace of mind or Cas experiencing the one pinnacle of human happiness (or so Dean’s been told in countless chick flicks he’ll take to the grave), it’s no choice at all. He starts again, “If you tell me about him, it’ll make this a lot easier.”

“I don’t want it to be easier,” Cas says, baffled. “I don’t want this to be anything.”

Dean gapes. “Why the hell not?”

Cas taps his empty glass on the table, irritated. “Please, leave it alone.”

“No,” Dean says mulishly. “I wanna help you, man.”

“I don’t want any help.”

“Well, tough shit because you’re getting it anyway. You’re family-”

Cas’s face does a weird spasm.

“-And that’s what you do for family,” Dean continues, a little confused and insulted. They are family; Cas said so, back when he thought he was dying in Ramiel’s barn.

“Drop it.”

“No,” Dean argues, shoving down everything else as his temper rises. “You’re hurtin’, and I can help. Why don’t you trust me? You trusted Crowley, Metatron, fucking Lucifer-”

Too far. Shit.

Cas whirls around, his face a mask of frustration and an emotion Dean has never seen before. “I did, and you know what? They screwed me. And, please forgive me, Dean, but I am tired of being used and used up, over and over.”

Dean blinks, his anger falling away to a raw hurt only Cas can dredge up. “I wouldn’t do that to you.”

Cas runs a weary hand down his face. He just shakes his head.

“C’mon, Cas, it’s me,” Dean says - pleads, really. “You know me better than anyone else, ’cept Sammy. I won’t do something like that.”

Cas glares. “I do know you, so I know that is exactly what will happen.”

Dean reels back, and he can’t save himself in time before an undoubtedly pained look spreads across his face.

Cas’s hostility cracks, but Dean’s already gotten the message.

So Cas’s one big happy loving family message was only a deathbed thing. That’s… fine. Dean’s done it himself, a time or two. Told Sam to live his life and not go looking for revenge or a way to fix it - all a crock of horse shit, of course. He should’ve figured Cas was more human than angelic with that poison pumping through his veins, making him all weak and sweaty. ’Course he wasn’t above feeling human sentimentality in his death throes.

Face hardening, Dean turns on his heel. “You were right about one thing. I guess I do have more important things to do than staying here with you.”

“Dean,” he hears behind him, but Dean doesn’t look back.

* * *

Dean always hides a spare bottle of booze in the bottom drawer of the desk in his bedroom. It's mostly empty, but, hopefully, by the time Dean's polished it off, Cas’ll be cured, Rowena will be gone, and they all can pretend this never happened - Dean can pretend that Cas stopped keeping secrets because he’s learned they always blow up in his face in the past six years.

Anyway.

First, the booze.

Dean’s barely wrestled the top off with shaking fingers of leftover anger when a knock sounds against his door.

“’S the witch gone yet?” Dean asks without lifting his head.

The door opens. “Dean, it’s me.”

Dean takes a long pull of whiskey.

Cas sighs, audible in the stuffy, tension-filled space between them. He doesn’t approach, instead hovering in the doorway, and isn’t that how it always goes? Always poised for flight, that’s Cas. “Dean,” he repeats, which only makes Dean's blood boil that much hotter.

“What?” he demands. “What do you want now? ’Cause I can’t think of a single thing you need from me, Cas.”

Cas presses his lips together. “You’re making this very difficult.”

“Me?” Dean barks incredulously. “You’re the one hiding things and not letting me help you.”

“You won’t accept this is one area in which you can’t help?” Cas asks quietly.

Dean makes a scoffing noise in the back of his throat.

Cas shakes his head, his gaze focusing on Dean’s face with his patented laser intensity. “You have no idea what you’re asking for.”

“Yeah, I’m just a jackass who can’t get a lady to stick around for more than a few hours. I get it.” He glances up to see Cas’s stricken expression. Frowning, Dean looks away.

Cas steps tentatively into Dean’s room, his face weirdly apprehensive. “That’s not what I meant at all.”

“Sure,” Dean says, tipping the bottle back like it’s water because he needs to be so much drunker to deal with Cas and his love spell bombshells right now.

Cas hovers awkwardly by Dean’s desk, his hands shoved into his coat pockets. “You’re so capable of love.”

“Cas-” Dean starts, but he has no idea where he’s going with this.

Cas keeps talking, thank God. “You don’t acknowledge that side of you very often, but I feel it every time we see each other, every time you’re with your brother. You care, you love, so wholly and completely.” Cas chuckles ruefully. “I didn’t realize it for a few years. I didn’t see how unique it was, how special you are, but you are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know.”

Dean’s tongue finally unsticks from the roof of his mouth. Face flaming hotter than the inferno where he first met Cas eight years ago, he rasps out, “Cas - what the hell are you saying?”

Cas swallows, dragging his gaze back up to meet Dean’s wide eyes. “The reason I didn’t tell you about the love spell was because it couldn’t make me love you any more than I already do.”

Dean blinks, dumbfounded, at Cas, the words love you bouncing around his skull like a blocked radio signal. Cas said them; Dean heard them with his own two ears; but the meaning behind the words is getting lost in transmission.

As Dean’s brain struggles to make sense of just about everything, Cas nods once. “Well, now you know. I’ll go wait for Rowena’s cure in the kitchen.”

And then he leaves.

Dean slams the whiskey bottle down on his desk, cursing as it nearly topples over in his haste. He sets it right, swearing more as precious seconds pass by. He hurtles down the hall, half-convinced Cas lied to him to get a head start and is really halfway to Timbuktu.

But Dean finds Cas in the library, sitting more or less where he left him before Dean had his little wallowing session in his bedroom.

“Cas!” Dean blurts, skidding to a halt and grabbing onto the edge of the table for support.

Cas looks up, frowning. “I - “ he gives himself a little shake and starts again, “Is Rowena having trouble with the spell?”

“What?” Dean strides forward on shaky legs. “No - I mean, I don’t know. They could be fucking in a supply closet for all I care.”

Cas’s eyebrows shoot towards his hairline. For the first time today, he looks almost afraid. “Then why are you here?” he asks, his gaze darting towards the stairs to the exit. “I’m only going to stay in the Bunker until Rowena can finish. Then I will go.”

“Go?” Dean repeats, a spike of panic shooting up his spine. “You can’t.”

Cas inhales a sharp breath. “You want me to stay?”

“You want to bail?” Dean demands, his voice rising.

Cas pinches the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger. “You’re upset. This is why I didn’t want to tell you.”

“I’m not fucking upset!”

Cas throws him an unimpressed look. “You clearly are. Your pulse is rising. Your pupils are dilated. I can smell your elevated levels of adrenaline.”

Dean makes a face. “Dude - lines - crossed.”

“Fine,” Cas says, his face set. He gets up. “I can coordinate with Rowena at a later date. She should focus on the cursed box, anyway. It’s clearly a more pressing concern and the reason we called her in the first place.”

“Hey.” Dean takes a step forward. “Wait.”

Cas’s mouth sets in a thin line. “What do you want, Dean? I did as you asked. I told you the spell could only latch onto my feelings for you.”

Dean falters, his words failing him.

Cas’s shoulders slump. “I did warn you, you know,” he murmurs, trying to pass Dean on his way towards the door.

Dean grabs onto Cas’s bicep before he can disappear. “Gimme a moment. What you said - it’s a lot.”

Miracle of miracles, Cas stops.

Dean can practically feel the power thrumming underneath the trench coat sleeve in his grip, but Cas wordlessly lets Dean guide him back to the library table.

“Okay,” Dean starts, his head still mercilessly void of the right thing to say, “So that guy, the one you’re - well, it’s - he’s me?” he asks, stumbling over his words like he hasn’t since that one time Rhonda Hurley opened her underwear drawer.

Cas nods once, his face impossibly solemn.

“Right,” Dean grunts. He rubs at his chin, Cas watching the whole while. “That’s - wow.”

“Quite,” Cas says wryly.

“Hey, don’t be a dick,” Dean shoots back. “I had no idea.”

“That was the point,” Cas sighs. “But now you do.”

“Yeah,” Dean says, feeling like a tongue-tied idiot. If only he could be more like Cas with the grand declarations.

Cas opens his mouth, pausing for a beat before saying, “I was never intending to leave permanently. I will still help you figure out how to deal with Kelly Kline. I will still assist with research, translations, anything you need.” His blue eyes bore into Dean’s face. “I can still be useful.”

Dean’s chest aches. “Didn’t I tell you it wasn’t about that?” he asks gruffly.

Cas’s earnest expression falters. “Of course,” he says, subdued. “Regardless, know that I am always willing to help the Winchesters.”

“Jesus,” Dean mutters, “This isn’t - it’s never been - about you being goddamn useful.” He huffs an exasperated breath, frowning harder as Cas doesn’t immediately get it and launch himself at Dean.

God, that would make this so much easier.

“What you want?” Dean says, glaring daggers at the tabletop between them, “That whole, mind, body, soul crap? You got it.”

Cas blinks. “I’m sorry?”

“You already have it,” Dean says through gritted teeth.

Cas cocks his head like a perplexed chicken, still as clueless as ever.

It’s clearly time to bring out the big guns. If Cas is going to spout pretty speeches that steal Dean’s breath away and leave him weak-kneed but not actually, you know, make a move, Dean will just have to do everything himself.

Fine. That’s how he’s always operated, anyway.

Face determined, he leans over and grasps the lapels of Cas’s trench coat.

Cas leans back a fraction, his eyes widening in alarm or shock. But before he can utter another word, Dean brings their mouths together.

Cas takes a moment to get with the program. There’s a split-second (that lasts several years) when Cas almost seems to push Dean off him, but he kisses back before Dean can yank himself away first. Cas’s mouth is tentative against Dean’s, like he’s waiting for Dean to end it all and yell, “Got ya!”, but he unseals his lips with a light sigh as Dean gently parts them with his tongue.

Dean unclenches one hand from Cas’s lapel. He reaches up to cup Cas’s jaw, the raspy stubble a physical reminder of the goddamn win he’s finally getting. His knees twinge from awkwardly leaning over, but rampaging Leviathans could burst into the kitchen and Dean wouldn’t give any less of a fuck.

He has Cas right where he wants him, and he’s going to fucking savor it for as long as he can.

When Cas pulls away, his face shows nothing but pure confusion. “Why?” he breathes, raising a finger to touch his lips.

Dean, still half-standing, half-leaning over him, frowns. He falls back to his seat with a thump. “Because you weren’t going to do it first?”

Cas blinks. “I didn’t think you wanted anything like that,” he pauses, “with me.”

Like there’s anyone else around who wants to get real up close and personal with the most dumbass angel in the garrison.

“Yeah, well,” Dean says, the faintest inklings of embarrassment creeping in now they’re not kissing anymore and Cas’s first reaction isn’t to look like he got free tickets to Disneyland. “I did. Do.”

“Oh.”

Dean swallows past the lump in his throat.

Cas looks away from Dean for the first time, and Dean dies a little inside. Stiffy, Cas says, “If this is some misguided attempt to show your sympathy for my situation. I don’t appreciate the gesture.”

“Gesture?” Dean echoes, “What the hell are you on, man? I don’t kiss random dudes because I feel bad for them, Christ.”

“Then why?”

Dean grimaces. “You’re really going to make me say it?”

“Yes,” Cas says quickly, his gaze raking up and down Dean’s face. “I have misunderstood your actions in the past, and I have no desire to do it again.”

Dean groans. “Look, I didn’t think angels could have feelings like that.” He runs a hand through his hair. “Or I would’ve… done something about it sooner,” he says, and that’s mostly true. Probably would’ve tried to seduce Cas, failed, and then jumped off a cliff, but Cas doesn’t need to know that.

“Well, normal angels can’t,” Cas says, “but there’s something broken in me.”

“You’re not broken,” Dean swears loudly, his anger flaring. “You’re… better. A new and improved God Squad, far as I can tell.” He narrows his eyes, daring Cas to talk shit about himself one more time.

Cas bites his lip. “You truly mean it.”

Dean tries for a mocking leer, but it comes out more like a dopey, hopeful smile. “You wanna get it engraved? Put up in neon in the Dean cave?” he asks, eyebrows raised as excitement courses through his veins. Cas loves him. Dean can make good on all those what ifs that have been plaguing him for years. “Tattooed on my ass?”

Cas chuckles lightly. “That would be a start.”

Dean lets out a bark of laughter. He can already feel the insecurities looming on the horizon. There’s always a catch: Cas never stays; Cas might want Dean now, but he’ll fly away the moment Dean fucks up because he has no idea what he’s doing.

But none of that matters right now.

He kissed Cas.

And Cas didn’t smite him. Didn't tell him to fuck off. Didn't flutter off to the moon for shits and giggles.

Cas knows him, knows him better than anyone except Sam. And despite all the fucked up shit in Dean's head, Cas is staying anyway, with his eyes wide open like nobody else Dean has ever been with.

Cas smiles in return. “If I had known a love spell would result in this outcome, I would have sought out that witch ages ago.”

And just like that, all Dean’s happy-ending fantasies come to a screeching halt.

Read Part II here!

Into The Casino Ch14

(Disclaimer: The two songs Hey Pachuco and Sway and the lyrics sung are in NO way mine or my property. They all belong to their rightful owners: One being from the soundtrack from the movie The Mask, and the other performed by Pablo Beltrán Ruiz BUT for this I used the glee version of Sway performed by the glee cast. I used them just for the characters to dance and sing to, the dances performed also have no name and I just made them up but some were inspired by movies. I own NOTHING!! Thanks for reading. If you wanna get a good idea for the first swing dance, watch the dancing part from The Mask at the Cocobongo.) True to Disease's words, he kept a much closer eye on the sulking unicorn for the rest of their stay there. Which wasn't too long. He ate and talked a little more with this Dolly person, but he still snapped his head to her every five to ten minutes and she still sat there. Looking disappointed and bored, but he seemed happy with that. You wouldn't imagine her relief when he finally decided it would be the best time to leave and they were finally able to go home. Lou was..very delighted to see them back home, smile wide and gave an expected look to Disease once Cyber lead the sad looking gal away.

"Well? You didn't let any 'mishaps' happen did you?" Those red eyes narrowed. Disease just waved a hand. "Psh. You kidding me? She didn't find out anything she wanted. Asssk her yourself if ya don't believe me." And he did, but in a casual way not wanting to seem suspicious. Asking questions like: So how was your trip? Was Disease acting in a rude manner? Did anyone touch her?...Did she get to speak with Rita and was the conversation to her liking? She just answered no to most. Always keeping ears back and avoiding eye contact, which he was pretty suspicious of. But he didn't push it too hard. She wasn't acting too different from when they left and she still aloud him near and gave him the same treatment as before, but he still couldn't be too sure. So he asked the question, would you want to go back? And her answer was exactly what he wanted to hear. "...No. It's too loud and reeks of bad choices. I'd rather not get anymore headaches." His smile couldn't have been any bigger and happier. Almost all suspicions thrown out the window...almost. But he could deal with them later. He had more important things to think about, like if he wanted his future garden to have one section of red roses and another for mixed colored roses, or if she should just mix all the different rose bushes together into one multicolored section. My, my the choices were plentiful. But thanks to her little plan, he was on higher alert, he unfortunately couldn't spare Cyber very often, so it was up to Disease to keep an eye on her, and fortunately he didn't object...But it was starting to become obviously suspicious to her when she found him peeping into her doorknobs keyhole, and the next day he had found a wad of gum shoved into it....Dammit Disease! But it was obvious she was al least behaving. But time flies fast when you were doing the same boring routine was it not? So she couldn't really have been surprised one day when Lou of course delivered the same list of usual things to do but asked the question, "By chance, do you know ballroom dancing?" Her purple eyes blinked up at him in surprise as she slowly took the list from him. "Um..Y-Yes? I-It was one of the things my tutor insisted I learn, b-but I haven't done it in years." The taller demon hummed, bringing a hand to his chin. Well this wouldn't do. Not at all, which was exactly why he told her to drop by his main office first thing next morning, he'd have a surprise for her. She only rose a brow in confusion when the plant demon happily walked away from her and down the hallway. Most likely to greet more guests or whatever he did when she wasn't looking-...Unknownst to her, he was meeting Cyber in the back. Meeting with the slug from a few days ago. The back alleys were perfect for this sort of thing. Narrow enough so no one could ambush them, but just the perfect size to dispose of him if things went sour. The man was there alright. With an armful of something wrapped in an old dirty cloth, looked quite old. Once those red eyes hit him the man simply...Dumped them. Literally. The man threw the things to his and Cyber's feet without a care in the world and crossed his arms. ..Lou's smile wavering. He's had some rude dealers before but this man was as patient as a hellhound starving for nearly a month, he almost didn't make a deal with him because of how rude and ungrateful he was. It took everything he had to NOT feed him to his plants or have Cyber cut him down into little pieces, because at the time he was already feeling anxious and annoyed at the situation his little pet decided to put him through, but he held it up pretty well- A small clanging noise brought him back when Cyber nudged the wrapped up things with her foot. It felt hard and with the same foot, she caught the edge of the tarp on it and kicked it off. What was inside...was not what they were expecting. Angelic spears absolutely. But these ones...They looked rather old and worn. Rust creeping up on some of them. Lou rose a brow and gave the man a look. "...Really?" He shrugged. "I never said they were in completely perfect condition. I only said they've worked for as long as I've used them, which was quite a lot. Now do you want them or not?" Lou almost gave a growl but instead calmly looked to Cyber who by then was kneeling down and giving the things a calculating look....One of her hands reached down slowly to poke one of the blade tips. A small burning sound was instant when her fingertip touched one of the dull blades and as a result she instantly pulled back and peered up at him. A wide smile spreading over his features. Perfect. Well almost perfect, but he was sure Midnight could polish these things back to normal. A small price to pay for any angelic weapons he could get his hands on..and speaking of pay. The man was standing there obviously expecting something in return. So with a chuckle Lou reached behind his back and pulled out what he wanted, a small jar full of small round orbs. Lou tossed it to the demon who snatched it and grin that disgusting grin at him. "Pleaser doing business with ya." "Yes, yes. Please leave the premise immediately." Lou narrowed his eyes just as the man turned and began leaving..snapping his fingers, a small green vine came out of the back doorway he was standing in and wrapped itself around the weapons in question, bringing them inside before Lou turned to Cyber. "..Recollect those souls will you? I'm needed back on the floor before someone suspects something." He nodded and began off after the man in the same direction. "And do be quick about it. I wouldn't anyone 'specific' noticing." ****************************************************************************************************** Soon enough the day had come to a close and the familiar jar of souls was sitting on top of his desk as he hummed and happily signed away at a few papers, except maybe a new soul had been added to the collection. Cyber did an excellent job as always, but he couldn't care less about the souls for the moment. Right now he had someone on their way and he was dying to get started on the practice he wanted to do, all he needed was the lucky young lady. A few knocks at the door and a nervous shuffling had gotten his attention. The jar of orbs was easily hidden back into a desk drawer and papers were neatly shuffled in his hands. "Come in, Dear." The door slowly opened and much to his delight, purple eyes blinked back to him in confusion. He geatured to the chair in front of him and she slowly walked in. The door closing with a click behind her. Once her body sat down in the chair he chuckled. "Now. You're probably wondering why you're hear, yes?" She nodded yes. She really was. She didn't think she did anything wrong. The list of chores was always done, the paperwork always organized, and other than yelling at Disease when her eye caught him staring at her, she hadn't done anything wrong or acted in any rude manner. So another thought reached her mind, had he or Disease found out about her meeting with Charles?! Was she in trouble!? Was he gonna throw her out!? ..Or worse?! The guilt knotted up and twisted in her stomach and kept her from saying or doing anything else for the rest of yesterday and didn't let her get a good night's sleep. It took all the nerves she had to not stay under her covers, and maybe because Cyber forced her out, and to never knock let alone come in. But he didn't look mad at all, if anything he looked genuinely happy as he stood up. "As I am aware you're not exactly up to speed with dancing yes?" She nodded as he walked around to her seat with a smile. "Well, we can't have you rusty, as I do intend to have a grand time there, and as a man who appreciates the fine arts, I couldn't just stand by and watch you flail around like Disease on alcohol? No, no." He smile leaned down and his hand quickly went to grab hers. "Which is why you and me are going to practice dancing of course." She didn't know whether to be suddenly more releived or suddenly more horrified. Her? Him? Dancing?! Together?! Her mouth dropping slightly opened and he chuckled, only snapping back to it when he pulled her to her feet. "I-I-...You-..Me-..W-WHAT?!" "You heard me, and I won't take no as an answer." Her stunned body was pulled along as he walked her to the door. Big smile on his face. The nervous feeling in her stomach came back ten times as hard as the sudden seriousness of the situation hit her. He was serious about her dancing, and she hadn't even danced in....What? fifty, sixty years?! But he didn't seem to notice her rising fears as he opened the door and walked her out. She was lead down the hall and up to the another larger part of the building she hadn't been down before, not that she wouldn't have explored if Disease was always on her tail. But she blinked when the doors they passed became slightly bigger and the hallway widened slightly, they were too big to have bedrooms or normal bedrooms. Perhaps one of these was Midnight's lab? Sensing her curiousity he chuckled. "These are places I usually host gatherings or are for my personal entertainment. You'll see soon. Now let's see." He hummed eyeing the doors to the left of the hallway, his free hand reaching up hovering in the air as they passed, and his brow raising. Until he finally stopped her. "Ah! Here we are!" "H-Here where?" He chuckled and let go of her. Not answering as he grabbed both doors and pushed them open. Bright lights overhead lit up and what they shown was an absolute marvel. Polished wooden floors different from the rest of the casino shined up at their owner as he walked along them, almost showing his reflection in the pale tan wood. The walls were just as pretty as the floor she noticed when she leaned her head in, beautiful wall paper showed a painted on scenes of a walk in garden. For all she new perhaps they were famous gardens on the living world long forgotten. A large crystal chandelier was connected to the ceiling but this one was much smaller and styled differently than the giant ones in the casino and lobby. She blinked and looked around. To the far left side was ..Well she guessed it must've been what Cyber told her was a jukebox, it didn't look old though. In fact this jukebox looked as if someone tuned it up to look more advanced, and next to it was something she definitely something she recognized. A record player! It's tuba like horn attatched to it's table body and crack lever were undyeable and so was the giant shelf of records next to them. They must've been for the jukebox and record players. She tilted her head and only looked back to Lou when she heard his footsteps walking somewhere. She blinked and watched curiously as he started towards the two music making machines she was staring at. Tail swishing behind him as his eyes immediately scanned some of the selections all the while humming. Red talons glazing across the thin black disks before stopping and pulling one plain looking record out from one of the middle shelves. "Well? Come in and we shall get started," he motioned for her to come in with one hand as he made his way to the record player. She..reluctantly did as he carefully placed the round disk onto the machine and using his other arm, carefully reached over and began cranking the lever to wind the music box she blinked as the small needle was placed onto the record that had started spinning and a weird tuba noise came out of the giant horn before the small beginnings of violins and a flute made their debut out of it. And she blinked...This just wasn't ballroom music. It was a waltz. And Lou gave a content sigh as he took off his hat, throwing it ontop of the shelf before turning to her. "Now. Why don't we begin with a few simple steps?" Her eyes widened. "W-Wait. N-Now!? B-But I haven't-" "Shush. I told you Im not taking a no to this. If it helps, Just think of this as a small assignment to help ME instead of you practicing. It might help if you pretend you're not." He made a grab for her waist- Which resulted in her flinching and jumping a few feet away. Both pausing and staring at each other for a few moments before he sighed. Reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose. "....Look. I completely understand your ...unease with me physically connecting with you, but it would mean a great deal to me if you would participate. ....After all. You DID say you would make it up to me for allowing you visitation to Rita's. And I never forget a promise." Her ears went back in guilt. Oh...Right. She did say that didn't she? So this time when he approached her again she didn't move. Slowly he reached a hand out and she allowed one hand on her hip and one to hold her hand in the typical dancing position, but he felt her tense under his grip for sure...Shakily lifting her hand up..moving it to his shoulder- She flinched slightly when he moved his shoulder closer to make contact with her hand...Ok. She could do this. It was just the two of them, in a close position that she hasn't been in in years and those red eyes and smile was just a couple inches away from her now...She gulped down the lump in her throat- "Who taught you how to dance in the first place?" She flinched and blinked up at him. She just calmly stared and his smile...wasn't like the wide smiles he always gave, instead it was smaller. Still there but it looked genuine. And he looked completely serious and interested in that question. "..U-Uh...M-My old t-tutor and her son did. T-They were very kind to me." He hummed. "Were you nervous then as well?" "Y-Yes. But they always made it fun." "Then why don't you pretend that moment's happening all over again." Her eyes blinked up at him. "Remember the beautiful times. Let it all come back. Can you do that?" She hesitated..But with a big inhale she slowly nodded. "Good." He tilted his head behind him as the music sounded like it would be coming to a close. And he shifted his hold on her, she lightly flinched again but he rolled his eyes. "Oh, relax. Im not going to bite, just follow my lead and you'll be swinging across the floor my dear.~...Just relax." She took in a big intake of air before letting it out, just as the final few violin and drum notes faded from the air. A couple more seconds wnt by before the record playing began repeating the music from the still spinning disk. True to his word. Lou gently began to push her and she also froze up then and there not used to having someone so close direct her body's movements but luckily she didn't trip on herself and forced her hooves to move along with him. Stiffly at first, but her mind forced herself to relax in his hold. Remember her. Remember giggling as a child. Remember the fun you had without your father scolding you for unlady like behavior...Remember the fun. To Lou's slight surprise and the easeness of his own body, she slowly began to relax within his hold. Making it easier for him to guide her and ease her steps. And soon the two of them were stepping in graceful circles across the floor, with her occasionally looking at their feet. It was when he started to lean and dip and little more in their swings when she lightly tensed up again but soon forcefully relaxed herself again. Until he attempted to spin her around, she reacted by giving a yelp and falling onto her knees on the first spin. She froze for a few seconds as the music still played and gave a sigh, giving a small jump when he placed a hand onto her shoulder and gave a smile. "I must say. For someone who hasn't danced for quite a while you did better than I expected." He grabbed her arm gently and lifted her back to her feet. Before repositioning themselves back into the same dancing stance. "Now. Once more from the top. And keep in mind that spins and swings are a part of waltzing, Darling. As are dips, but we'll work on just swaying and spinning for now. Your footwork while clumsy is more graceful than you give credit for." She blinked. Was he- Did he just compliment her or criticize her? Either way it didn't stop them from repeating the same steps as before when the music again restarted. "Remember. Relax. Trust in yourself." She kinda lost track of the amount of times they restarted after the third time, but he seemed genuinely happy to be swinging and reteaching her through the steps almost long forgotten. By the time of their fifteen( yes. HE had been keeping count of exactly how many times she messed up, he couldn't help it. It was in his nature to calculate his partner's moves. Especially after that small surprise she pulled.) restart. It seemed some of those memories were starting to come back as her steps started to become easier and she started to not tense up as much as say two hours ago, but she looked tired. So after he dipped her one last time, with her clutching onto his shoulders before he pulled her back up, he let go of her. She blinked as he reached out to straighten himself giving a snap of his red talons. "You dance devine my dear. But for now we're done." A green vine came out of nowhere wrapped around his top hat, which he graciously took before planting it back on top his head. "But you still need much more practice. I'll let you have the rest of the day off, but prepare yourself for tomorrow. We have less than three weeks, and I intend of making the most of that time." True to his word. Lou kept that promise. The very next day it was right back to it after she got something in her stomach. And again the same results. She still tensed under his hold and still messed up a few steps, once or twice stepping on his foot or god forbid his tail. He barely flinched when this happened but his brow did raise whenever it happened. Which did no good to her because all it did was make her very nervous and thus mess up more. By the fourth day of this he took her aside and tired something different, just swaying in graceful circles without spins or dips, which was much more better but he still felt her body tense and sometimes slightly shaking under him, which he was starting to find unpleasant but not annoying-....Yet. He prided himself on his skills and despite his doubts the two had gained a few steps but not much...Until he talked to Cyber about it all. But all she could offer was a shrug as she watched him shift through papers and stuff on his desk. 'I'll try talkin' to her about it later' was her response and if anyone could figure it out it was Cyber. So he left it in her hands. In the meantime between regular business and 'trying' to get the pony on her feet, he made regular trips to Midnight's lab to see if he could get progress on her fixing up those weapons....It was...Hard for her to do. She had to wear some kind of makeshift mask and gloves to keep any part of the sacred blades from burning or cutting her, and was trying to use any kind of polish and whatever she came up with to restore them to their once perfect state. Slow progress but they were getting there. ...Couldn't say the same for the dancing. Still as stiff and unprogressive as ever. To his dismay. And it was slowly until he noticed a whole week of nothing but barely any progress had passed and he pestered Cyber again for some kind of answer. She looked at him for a couple seconds before shrugging. "Well, whaddya expect? She doesn't like anyone touching her, you make her feel pressured, and she probably suppressed those memories after being chained who knows where for who knows how long. Instead of trying to force her to relax, why not find something about the subject that appeals to her?" It was like a lightbulb had went off in his head. And he smiled. OF COURSE!! Why hadn't he thought of that sooner?! Cyber was definitely a genius at times, and a smile reappeared on his face. So the very next day when she showed up for probably the eighth day, he was grinning ear to ear with a grin of his face compared to her sad and tired look. "Amalfia, my dear. Tell me, what music and dance do you really enjoy?" He asked once he started leading her off again and she blinked surprised at his strange question. Before shaking her head. "It's stupid, and really unlady like-" "Oh hush." He waved his hand. "I don't care if it's square dancing like drunken hill billys. If you enjoy it I want to know what you like. I want to get to know you better." Her eyes blinked surprised up to his face..but she again shook her head. "It's stupid like I said....But I r-really like s-swing?" He blinked back..and laughed, her head tilted curiously at him before his grin became more excited. "My dear little flower.~ You are speaking to someone who has basically mastered that art.~" To his delight. Her eyes lit up. "You..Y-You like swing?" He nodded and a small smile came to her. "And jazz?" He chuckled and nodded again. Delighted to get her attention and a smile on that little face of hers. Those purple eyes lit up like a darn holiday tree. "D-Do you..do you dance to it?" He stopped. Giving her an even bigger smile at the meer question. "My dear." His hand came to settle himself on the door. "I just said I mastered that art. But knowing you also enjoy it..heh. Well we know what we're doing today!" With a push both doors opened and he lead her over to the shelf, when he still tugged onto her arm and she blinked in surprise when he happily gestured to the swing labeled section."You may pick any you like?" "R-Really?," she gaped excitedly. "Yes, but in return. I expect to be able to dance with you to it. No buts. I enjoy a good dance with my dear lady. Deal?" She hesitated. Her father forbad her to even touch another record after he learnt about her tutor teaching her this 'new aged degenerate crap' as he put it and she only ever danced to it with her now most likely deceased friend. ....But your dad's not here a voice whispered. That smile appeared back to her face a bit. She..still had to let him hold her hand but..with swing..most of the moves required barely any contact beyond that. That thought accompanied by the feeling of the swinging jazz bands just a finger tip away...She happily turned to him and nodded yes to his request. In turn he smiled and gestured a hand to the shelf. She didn't hesitate to start looking at the records he presented to her. He patiently waited as she pulled one or two out, glanced over the titles of the songs written on them, before placing them back into place....Eventually she pulled one out near the end if the shelf, flipping it over in her hands, and turned back to look at him. His raised a brow. "Find something you like?" She gave it a nervous look over before handing it to him. He took it and read over the title: Hey Pachuco. With a smile he looked back to her in question. "Are you quite sure? This is fast paced and with your footwork being a bit...out of touch, I wouldn't want you hurting yourself." ...With a slow inhale and exhale, she nodded. "I-I..want to try again. And this time..I wanna do it for myself." He hummed and looked back to it for just a moment. "...Alright just get onto the floor, and don't be surprised by what we're about to do." She nodded and made her way to about the middle of the floor, just as he put the said recording in and began winding the lever up again, he seemed almost excited as he carefully put the needle on and tossed his hat away. Wouldn't be needing that with what he was about to do. The thing coughed a bit of static as he made a few steps before pausing a little ways away from her. She tilted her head when he didn't come any closer but paused when the sound of drums came a beating out and her ears immediately perked at the familiar sound. Lou however was already tapping his feet to the beat of those drums, when they started getting faster he finally bounced a few steps towards her before suddenly sliding and grabbing onto her. Dipping her just as trumpets blasted out of the drum beats. Which caught her completely off guard and making it easy for him to perform the next moves as the song sung out of the thing. When he suddenly brought her back up, one arm around her and one grabbing her arm, and in a tango like motion rocked them from side to side. Her brain still hadn't quite caught up yet and so it was easy for him to just suddenly push her away from him next time all the trumpets sounded at once, before pulling her and ducking under her arm so she was pushed away from him again- Only to have her unsuspecting self be pulled back into his embrace, and be given a small spin. She blinked, brain finally catching up a little but only enough to notice his actual...genuine happy smile- Only for him to expertly pull her back to him with a spin so her back was facing him, and she was made to do an actually cartwheel- Fear spiked in her as she was about to crash into the floor on her side, but that was swiftly dashed when she was again grabbed and half dragged half spun against the floor twice in a circle before being pulled up fast and spun out to where she managed to stay on her legs and finally give a look to him. His body still bouncing to the beat of the drums and trumpets as he gave her a half lidded look..Clearly saying: 'Well? Are you going to pick up the slack?' ..And she was quick to respond with a ...smug smile of her own. Oh! That made something in him feel only slightly challenged. So it was no surprise when the singer of the band finally started playing when he made another slide grab for her- Only for her to completely duck under him and grab his shoulder, turning him around just as the first 'HEY!' from the chorus shouted, he didn't seemed fazed at all as he grabbed her hand and the two came to a tap dance of sorts. Her almost perfectly mimicking him and him raising a brow at her attempts to catch up. The game was on! He brought her into a few more spins and she unexpectedly dodged some of his grabs at her and did some twirls of her own. Until he finally managed to grab her and to her surprise lift her almost onto his shoulder, making her spin in mid air before catching her and pushing her arm's length away again. This time when she was pulled back and made to do another cartwheel however- He caught her mid flip back into her feet and with strength she didn't know he had, he actually hoisted above him in the air. And spun around a few times as he pivoted on his heel, only for her to then be twisted around his body and pulled back up into a standing position. Spun out from him and shakily spin back onto her feet as a drum solo started up. As they beat, she took the moment to push her blonde and white hair from her face and look towards the still slightly bouncing and smiling demon. "...Well? Is that the best you can do?" He held out a hand to her. Fangs flashing. "Impress me!!" She smirked back. A look he hadn't seen on her but was quite interested to see! As her body suddenly began to bounce on it's own from his. And she did. When the trumpets came back, she slide right toward her and she ducked- But this time immediately popped back up and grabbed him. He was slightly surpised when HER of all people spun him back around and grabbed his hand and pulled. He spun out a little bit but immediately regained composure, quickly turning and grabbing her when she slid towards him. Lifting her up and then next to him. As if having the same thoughts, the mirrored the same in place movements with their arms and legs before both spinning, Lou's hand suddenly grabbing her's and taking her for multiple spins around himself. Before stopping and dipping her- Only to suddenly be thrown in the air twirling who knows how many time before falling back into his arms. Twisted around before making a final stop when he was- Oh gosh. Holding her bridal style and dipping her enough to where their faces were inches apart. Making her freeze. Just as the last few notes finally blasted out. Silence rang out as the two of them stared at each other. Her heart was hammering in her ears and her lungs taking quick breaths from her lungs..But him. he just grinned that half lidded studying grin at her...before slowly sitting himself back up and gently placing her back down. Her hooves met the ground with a small tapping sound and she felt wobbly. Smiling plastered on her face and her hand coming to clutch her chest. Lou was also breathing a bit faster from the rush, but was more calm and straightened himself out. until he heard a snort. He rose a brow to her and to his surprise another snort escaped her, and she covered her mouth...Before her eyes closed and a roar of happy laughter escaped her lungs. He stood there for a long moment...Before smiling back triumphantly at her once she finally got ahold of herself enough to look at her. Her face was twisted in a joyous shade of light pink and her eyes twinkled in a way he hadn't seen her do before now. "...Y-Y-You weren't kidding when you said you were a m-m-master at it." Her lungs heaved ad her arms clutched her stomach. " T-That was the most f-fun I've ever had down here!!" With that he gave a chuckle and gave a glance to his red talons. "But of course.~ I wouldn't lie about my skills.~ And if you enjoyed my dancing you should hear me sing-" "You-....You sing?" Her head was tilted at him curiously like a puppy before another smile graced her face. "M-May I see?" He stared at her a moment before humming, hand coming up to tap his chin. "Hm. I suppose so, but if I'm gonna work, then I expect another dance out of you. It's only fair." She happily nodded in agreement to his deal and he hummed in delight. After all, if he was going to sing for her then it was only fair she danced for him. The upbeat swing music was already starting to replay itself on the still spinning machine and the upbeat drums from before began drumming out, until Lou walked over to the record player and pulled the needle back up, effectively stopping the music with a record stopping sound. The machine seemed to stop moving as soon as the plant demon removed the needle. Before, with record delicately in hands, turned back to the shelf humming to himself and carefully slid the large black disk into it's proper place. Amalfia watched curiously as his eyes scanned the piles of records, until shifting back to the swing section.....His red finger pulled one record out near the front, and he curiously peered at the name written on it. It read: Sway. And he made a small 'mm-hm', before turning and placing it onto the machine. The lever cranked just as usually before he turned and with a few long strides made it to her. But unlike the few times before he rose a brow curiously..before giving a bow. She blinked a little caught off guard before catching up and giving a slight curtsy back- Before he pulled her into his form and into the same ballroom style stance as before. She still flinched under his touch, but too his utter delight, her body didn't tense up and she still had that goofball smile on her face. He chuckled as the music finally started up and it was a cha-cha like music with trumpets and at least one violin and cowbell. And he started by leading her across the floor and slightly rocking back and forth, before giving her a spin or two that she DIDN'T fall from this time and was pulled back against him as the music paused for one brief moment- "When marimba rythms start to play dance with me, make me sway.~" When he said 'sway' he really did sway her, but with a half dip so her body came back up and back into standing position and he moved her across the floor in graceful circles again. "Like a lazy ocean hugs the shore.~ Hold me close. Sway me more.~" Again the same half dip sway as he pulled her out arm's length- "Like a flower bending in the breeze, bend with me.~" He quickly pulled her back in with a full dip before pushing her back up with the next sentence. "Sway with ease.~" She. Was....Surprised. Yes. She heard quite a few big names and random men sing, and their voices were just lovely. But Lou's- Maybe it was just the way the walls were echoing his voice or the music accompanying it. Or maybe it was just not hearing anyone sing in the longest time...But coming from a demon with red eyes- His voice was absolutely heavenly, velvety smooth, and it was CLEAR this wasn't his first time singing like this. It had only been a few sentences but he acted like this was everyday living, his posture calm, and not showing the slightest ounce of unease. "When we dance, you have a way with me, stay with me.~'' He brought her back up and ran his red claws gently under her chin making her immediately turn pink as a result, before suddenly pushing her out and leading her in a circle at arm's length. "Sway with me.~ Other dancers may be on the floor. ~ Dear-" She was suddenly brought back in with a spin that put her back against him and he gave her a giant sly smirk before saying the next line. "-But my eyes will see only you.~" She was spun around again to face him with a another graceful circle. "Only you have that magic technique!~ When we sway I go weak!~" She was spun a few times as the trumpets and drums made three hard notes followed by another half second pause which ended her back facing him again. "I can hear the sounds of violins long before it begins.~" He moved from their stilled position by slowly rocking their bodies and slowly rotating them as if in a slow dance. "Make me thrill as you know how.~ Sway me smooth.~ Sway me now.~" Again that same half lidded genuine smile and her heart actually...Jumped? What? Her excitement and fun from the earlier dance, but he couldn't help but internally smirk at her clearly bedazzled eyes and pink cheeks. Oh his sweet little naïve weapon. If only you could see how cute you looked falling into your place on the puzzle. But he was true to his word, as he never turned down a good deal yet. And this one was a great deal. There was a brief pause in his singing with just the upbeat swing playing. During that time he made sure to sway her a few more times, giving the occasional spin, all with a smile on his face. But it was when he finally pulled her back in from a spin and held her against him did her face go from pink to red. "Other dancers may be on the floor.~ Dear.~ But my eyes will see only you.~" He took her for another spin on the word 'you', and kept her spinning as he sang out. "Only you got that magic technique.~ When we sway I go weak!~" The same three hard notes played out and on the last one he brought her back in yet another dip and she felt dizzy. But she wasn't sure if it was from the spinning or the way her head felt like the burning sun. "I can hear the sounds of violins-" He brought her back up into that slow dance swaying and rotating in a small circle. And they stayed like that for a while. "-long before it begins.~ Make me thrill as you know how.~ Sway me smooth.~ Sway me now.~ When marimba rythims start to play, dance with me. Make me sway.~ Like a lazy ocean hugs the shore, hold me close.~ Sway me more.~" The music completely stopped for a second and so did they. She just heard the beating of her own heart, and his smile and those red eyes stared right at her. "...Like a flower bending in the breeze!~" The trumpets came back on full blast and he pulled her away from him at arm's length. His voice now much louder than before but still not rough. If anything he was putting more passion into this as she was pulled back into him into a dip. "Bend with me!~ Sway with ease!~" At 'sway' he once again swung her around in a half circle before more spinning began. "When we dance, you have a way with me!~ Stay with me!~ Sway with ease!~" At the second 'sway' she was stopped and faced him again. "WHEN THE RYTHM STARTS TO PLAAAAY!!~ HOLD ME CLOSE!!~ MAKE ME SWAAAY!!~" At 'play' he did something different when he suddenly grabbed her leg and pulled it up, making her squeak. But when he sand 'hold me close' he pressed her against him gently, before dipping her at 'sway' again. "LIKE AN OCEAN HUGS THE SHOOORE!!~ HOLD ME CLOSE!!" He brought her up still holding her against him before actually lightly picking her up and twirling her around at the next 'sway'. "SWAY ME MOOORE!! LIKE A FLOWER BENDING IN THE BREEZE!!" She was suddenly again dipped at 'bend'. "BEND WITH MEEE!~ SWAY WITH EASE!!~" At 'sway' her leg was let loose as he simaltaniously swung her back up and his now free hand grabbed onto one of hers. And he pushed her out from him again. "WHEN WE DANCE YOU GOT A WAY WITH MEEE!!~ STAY WITH ME!!~" She was pulled back and spun around. "SWAY WITH MEEEEEEE!!~" She was stopped completely and suddenly pulled back against him just as the very last note was played out. And she was left staring into those red eyes for a few silent few seconds....before he chuckled and slowly let go of her. WIthout him supporting her against him, she wobbled back onto jelly feeling legs and brought her hands up. One pushing the hair from her eyes while the other coming to cup her still warm and red cheek. He however chuckled. ....It was STILL like he hadn't even broken a sweat and simply went to straighten himself up. Humming as he straightened his bow and walked back towards the record player just as the music once again started to replay on loop. The needle was plucked from the record and then said record was removed from the spinning platform, making the machine give the same record stopping sound and completely stop working. Humming as he moved to place it back onto the shelf. Still feeling the happiness of the woman behind him. Before chuckling again. Oh how he loved it when his plans went so smoothly! Midnight doubting his plan all along, but joke's on her now. He snapped his fingers and a random vine brought down his hat as he placed it back onto his head- He froze....Something had just wrapped around him. It was just maybe for two seconds before she flinched back away but it was enough to make all thoughts and body movements stop for a complete few seconds. ...His red eyes blinked and he slowly turned around to be faced with the red faced unicorn. She gave a nervous smile before looking away. "S-S-Sorry. I-I just wanted to t-thank you for t-t-the great time. Y-You s-s-sing beautifully." He still blinked before shaking it off and smiling at the compliment. "It's quite alright my dear. No harm done." His hand came to give a few pats to her shoulder. "And Im so delighted to hear you enjoyed our little session, as did I. After all we've been trying to do that little step for a while." Her face blinked back confused and he chuckled. "Oh my dear. Did you not realize? The same dance we had just done, was the very same waltz you've been tripping over for almost a week now." ......She blinked. That was- They were- THEY SAME WALTZ!? How did she not notice that?!..She must've been too distracted to notice but again slightly jumped when he put his hat on and slung an arm around her. Still chuckling at her pink cheeks. "You did wonderful progress, just as I said you would. And I never lie. But you still need plenty of practice before the big day, but for now. Let us get back to regular work. Shall we?~"

All characters besides Amalfia belongs to @palettepainter

so for the first time I saw batman: the killing joke.

...

it was okay I guess. but massively overrated. I expected some fucking masterpiece of cinema but instead it was just two unrelated short films that were more style and flash than substance.

so first off, barbara's storyline was mediocre. franz wasn't a compelling villain; just a creep, and a trust fund brat. oh wow he's a mafia kid who stole his family's fortune by hacking. if it was the falcone family I'd have cared more but it wasn't so it's just some faceless deathfodder rando. who gives a shit. the whole situation was just a vehicle to shove batman's dick into babs. which kinda fucks over bruce's character here and judging by the timeline kinda makes him a bit of a groomer, yikes. bruce and gordon have known each other since bruce was a young boy and we know that bruce is way older than babs so yeah bruce totally knew her from birth until present day, he literally utilized an active power dynamic to police her crimefighting activities, and he should have fucking known better and stopped her when she kissed him because it would (and did) compromise their professional dynamic, but hey, batdick. and at least barbara recognized that she was behaving emotionally rather than logically when it came to bruce and paris and took the high road out. that would be a serviceable standalone episode to write her on a bus in a serialization but THIS IS A MOVIE. so for a waste of an already short runtime it's like having an appetizer before your meal but instead of something like a crab cake before stuffed flounder, you get greasy onion petals that are more fried batter than onion before getting a well done cheeseburger that's just a glorified hockey puck on a sponge with a kraft single on top. the animation and vocal delivery were excellent of course, not gonna disparage that aspect, so it was well made, but the writing was just not very good. a polished turd. quantic dream must have developed it then because it feels like I watched a david cage production.

so in a 78 minute movie, five of which were the credits, we had a half hour Disney/Pixar short except those bring joy and this brought boring. also there were a lot of shots of her ass tits and underwear that were obnoxiously male-gazey and there was a token gay for the sole purpose of dangling a carrot on a stick for the queers. look kids, warner brothers and dc comics cares about the lgbts! give us money! a waste of time before the real reason why anyone came to see the movie that literally only exists to pad out the runtime to make it a feature length (even though paying a full ticket would've been a total ripoff because, again, IT WAS ONLY 78. even 9 was 81 minutes long and that had an amazing storyline so I forgave it, but 78 minutes? ugh.

also, GOTHAM RAGE??? CRINGE. SO CRINGE.

alright now for the joker segment.

*ahem*

what the fuck? that sucked! *throws tomato*

mark hamill and the joker's lines and the art and the cinematography and the choreography was all good and the plot was cohesive. I get it.

but holy shit was the writing weak as fuck.

okay so some rando breaks the J-ster out of Arkham (already unlikely but ugh whatever), he didn't turn a trick or recruit or anything, he just went to purchase a carnival. or, steal one. but wait, he DID recruit, but he went to get all of the stereotypical Circus Freak™ stereotypes. little people, fat lady, bearded lady, wolf man, strongman, diaper man (wait, what?), and the two headed woman. I guess if you don't really think about why all of them were super readily available in the outskirts between arkham and gotham [i just realized they both end with -am] then it makes enough sense. and then literally right after that HE RECRUITS SOME GUYS TO HELP HIM KIDNAP GORDON. and then strips and photographs barbara. um. ew. you can tell the writer and director were men. Alan Moore is constantly molesting women in his comics and this one trick pony should be put down already. but whatever. the plot is weak and it only gets saved by the flashback sequences.

oh.

oh no.

they're not that great.

he's a failed unfunny comedian who just wants some money to move his wife to a better house so he turns to thievery with the mob. OR YOU COULD JUST STOP GOING TO THE BAR AND BLOWING IT ALL ON BOOZE. I mean the cops knew where to find him after all so clearly he's a repeat customer (or moore is a bad plot writer who relies on convenience and shut the fuck up and don't critically analyze it). alright so he gets wrapped up in the mob to perform a heist on a playing card factory. GET IT, BECAUSE HE'S THE JOKER??? and he uses the moniker of the red hood to retain his anonymity. I expected the mobsters to be working for francisco but no the paris storyline was only cooked up screenplay for passing the runtime so why would they do something clever and interesting and make the film cohesive? that'd be really stupid to make the movie feel more like one movie and not two short films. at least when grindhouse & planet terror did it they advertised themselves as an anthology film. whatever. he falls in the vat of acid which melts the red hood to his face and I gotta say that's actually a pretty good idea to get his face white and his hair green and his lips red. I like that part. oh wait I forgot about the most important part! his wife gets shoved in the refrigerator. OH WOW THAT'S JUST SO COMPELLING AND ORIGINAL, TOTALLY NOT SOMETHING THAT ALREADY HAPPENED TO GREEN LANTERN. TWICE. although she wasn't literally shoved into a literal refrigerator like alex was. rip in frozen pieces you absolute legend of a trope namer. alright, so... so the joker is sad because his wife died. you know, the wife we saw for two minutes and knew the moment we saw her drenched in sepia she was gonna die. and she died offscreen. kyle's gf died and he was fine. gordon's wife died and he was fine. batman's parents both died and he was fine. oh boo hoo someone I love died! fuck off. I am so goddamn sick of people trying to justify their evil with "I was sad once". it's a stupid trope and it's not compelling. the only valid version is doctor doofenshmirtz' evil(er) version in the PF movie because it's hilarious that it's because of a toy train because that's the emotional depth that fridgewomen is treated with in all of these storylines. but at least batman said so. oh yeah, I almost totally forgot, batman's in this movie.

batman punches people and nonlethally takes them out. by suffocating them and letting them get stabbed and throwing them into pits of spikes and HEY WAIT A GODDAMN SECOND! okay let's just ignore that bit and hope that the little people squeezed between the gaps in the spikes and the strongman could breathe in the face mask and the two headed women had KO gas and the fat lady was fat enough that the knives only stabbed her cellulite. it wouldn't be the biggest reach one would have to make in watching this fucking disaster of a plot mess.

now I did like that it was actually batman, and by that I mean he gave a shit about the insane because he recognizes that mental illness is not a cause of dangerous or criminal behavior, just a potential exacerbating factor if it wasn't treated. yeah he brutalized mobsters and crime lords but they were mostly in self defense while gathering intel. he politely asked sal maroni and the sex workers for information and they gave it to him without violence- he manhandled maroni but only after he reached into his pocket for a cigar which could've been a gun. also batman says sex work should be decriminalized if only by not ratting them out to the cops. he was a genuinely good person in the second half of the movie. too bad it was ruined by the shitty first half that made him a borderline groomer.

joker's song was... bad. mark hamill performed his ass off but the song wasn't that good. it just tried to be willy wonka if he was a voyeuristic monster. oh yeah have the only girl character be paralyzed stripped and photographed only to give her father ManPain™. again... the fuck? joker and batman were both gross but, again. male writers. if it was a one-off I could drop a thermian argument because, alright one and done makes sense, especially 1988 standards. but it saturated and soured the entire goddamn movie because of abhorrent pacing decisions. so you're goddamn right I'm gonna bring it up twice! joker was a creep, his plan was dumb, nolan and burton and lord/miller and even ayer had better motivations. YES I AM SAYING THAT JARED LETO'S JOKER HAD BETTER WRITING THAN MARK HAMILL'S JOKER. not nearly to the level of ledger nicholson or galifanakis but hamill didn't have a lot to work with here and I maintain that his performance was amazing; honestly I like his the best out of all of them but just... not here. but I think I can cut some slack to firelord ozai and luke skywalker even if he just phoned it in here which he didn't. writing was just weak. and that's all there is to it. don't anon me and threaten to remove my bones ok?

alright so batman and joker fought and joker got the upper hand and was gonna kill him but it was a prop gun. haha. they had a heart to heart and batman tells joker that he wants to help him get better, even after joker killed robin and molested barbara and traumatized gordon and did countless other travesties, he still said he would help. but joker said no, and told a joke that was good enough to make batman laugh. and then the credits rolled.

...

what a completely pointless and empty ending. oh it's deep and meaningful and poignant? ok sure, I guess, movie, but you didn't earn that. shyamalan did the same thing a dozen times. that doesn't make him any less of a shit writer.

I can understand the concept of batman laughing at joker's joke, humanizing him.

I get it. I see what they tried to do. I respect it.

but this movie was massively overhyped and overrated and I expected it to be so much better than it was. but overall to me it was just another batman cartoon to throw on top of the pile. maybe it was influential to graphic novels. maybe it shaped batman into what he is today. it published right as tim burton's movie and I can respect its place in the pantheon of comic history. but sometimes things that are classic...

aren't that great.

citizen kane, casablanca, the maltese falcon, the treasure of the sierra madre, gone with the wind, singing in the rain, all of them are classic and legendary pieces of art. but they're just not that good, interesting, appealing, watchable, or FUN. they were good at the time- I mean come on we all know them today- but on going back you'd have to really appreciate the finer details to still love the movies today. and this belongs there, in the vault, to be appreciated from afar. influential if dated.

but god am I still disappointed nonetheless.

TL;DR

it was just okay. had some good ideas, had some really bad ideas, had some ugly stuff. overall mediocre. first half 5/10, second half 7/10, overall 6/10.

Taste of Honey

1 2.1

Without further ado, the long awaited second chapter of this lovely song fic(for a song that doesn’t quite exist yet). I’ve got my ducks in a row, so I won’t let the other updates stay so long anymore! I hope you enjoy!

Word Count 2k+

Triggers: none so far

Tags: @iknowthekoolaidflavor @daveeddiggsit @moondustmemories 

The two days flew by quickly. You spent the day fixing your hair and makeup to go on the unusually early date. You wanted to look good for him, so you brought out your sexiest and most formal dress with a slit up the thigh and a cape to keep you warm. Thankfully, he’d offered to pick you up because your car stalled on the way to class, so you had to leave it at the mechanic and walk back home.

Your roommate Nika greeted you with tea and pancakes. She had been a good roommate and friend since your junior year of college, so you stuck with her.

“I heard giggling and soft moans coming from the living room last night,” she says seriously.

“Would you stop! I was not moaning for any reason. I was on a video call,” you reached for the jar of sweetener to pour into her tea.

“Well, spill the deets, so I don’t have to make stuff up.”

You took a long sip staring at your expectant friend over the rim of your cup. “A gorgeous man came into the cafe yesterday, and he was just typing away on his laptop, so I kept refilling his beverages. He was grateful, so he left me a huge tip.”

“Sounds like he was trying to hit on you.”

“He admitted it. And I am not complaining, okay? He is so fine.”

“So what does he do, Y/N?” Nika asks in a sing-songy tone.

“He does...” You pause for a beat. “I actually don’t know.”

Her eyes wide, “I can’t believe you. Google him, now. You are not waiting for your date!””

“Okay, miss bossy,” you admonish, reaching for your phone. “I was gonna work it into the conversation.”

The search was quick and conclusive. Nika had her hand on her hip expectantly. “Well, what does he do”?

You sigh, “He’s a successful writer, poet, and business mogul. Ooh! And here are some sexy photos with him and his dog.” You smiled, scrolling through his social media.

“Please stay focused, Y/N. You’ve only got a few hours.”

“Okay, okay. Though it says he’s a private partner. I’m sure he told me all of this last night while I was going gaga over his looks.

“That sounds accurate. You’ve always got your head in the clouds,” Nika retorts taking a bite.

You both devoured the stack of pancakes quickly, and Nika offered to clean because there was no reason you should have to play Cinderella.

So, you were dressed and ready for your date an hour early. When he arrived, you were surprised to see how effortlessly he leaned against his car when you looked out the window, you nearly had an attack.

“If he dresses that well, he is definitely not a student,” you muttered under your breath.

Rafael rang the doorbell, and you opened it quickly before Nika could try and talk to him. Now was not the time. He took your hand in his as he led you to his car. She watched from her bedroom window anyway.

Hi Y/N, you look great. Are you ready to go?”

“Yeah, of course. I’m excited to see this surprise.”

He kissed your cheek and opened the door for you. Then he climbed into the driver’s side.

The drive was long, but soothing. Both of you enjoyed bonding over the music on the stereo. You hummed along sometimes despite your throat feeling like it was stuffed with cotton balls. Whenever he looked your way or took your hand to squeeze, you could only smile and nod. You distracted yourself with your surroundings outside the car window.

The awkward silence made the drive seem long even though it would be the only low point of the night.

He finally arrived at the venue and left the valet park. You were sad to get out because it was really comfortable.

You heard some really good hip hop music coming from inside the venue, and even in your heels you were itching to dance. But you decided not to embarrass yourself in front of this man you’ve only just met.

Walking in the double doors, you were impressed with the bright, unique decorations and displays that lit the room. A gust of cool air welcomed you in. “Hey Rafael, can you tell me what the event is for, now?” you asked with a wry smile.

He looks at you briefly, smiling before grabbing the table cards. He handed one card to you embossed in black ink with your name. “We are going to watch a gala for music education, and then I have arranged a private dinner for us. If you hear something you like, let me know,” he smiled at you.

You ignored his last comment and walked to your table. Rafael greeted a friend who stopped him halfway, and that was your first of many introductions for the night. He was a tall man with curly hair and a suit that fit him nicely.

“Y/N this is my favorite person to work with, Daveed. Daveed, this is Y/N, my date.” He took your hand and kissed it. You smiled, lost in the moment.

“Nice to meet you, Y/N. It’s not often that my friend here plans such amazing dates. I hope that you have fun.”

“Thank you!” you say and smile in response.

Rafa scowled playfully, “don’t you have an opening act to do, man?”

 A bell sounded and everyone scrambled for their seats. The lights dimmed, then brightened slowly to reveal a well lit stage, tangled with wires and set up with a band.

Daveed and some other people did an opening act, and then the young children performed. You were amazed by the violinists and the jazz dancers. There were so many wonderful performances and costumes that you thought you would cry. You were like these kids once, bright-eyed and perfectly every note perfectly to any audience who would only recognize you by the smile on your face.

Some of Daveed and Rafa’s friends you discovered were also singers and they had such amazing solos. You suddenly wished you were at home in front of your mirror, or in the bakery kitchen filling donuts.

After the performances, guests bid to support one year’s free tuition at any of the arts and music schools amongst other expensive items. The volley and quick exchange of money in the room was really overwhelming, so you decided to get some air. As you walked around the lobby, the state of the art instruments on display caught your eye. On the platform stood a beautiful brand new guitar. You stared at it wistfully, before sauntering back over to your date. Rafael had joined the bidding crowd mesmerized by one art piece that was unlike anything he’d ever seen, and you were awestruck too.

Noting your presence, he leaned in and murmured, “Are you ready to eat?”

Yeah, that sounds good,” you reply, your stomach grumbled and echoed your response.

He led you down the spotlit hallway towards the booth he had reserved for the two of you. It was a small booth, and there was a beautiful centerpiece on the table. You sat in the middle, and he slid in closer to you.

“Y/N, thank you for coming out tonight, you look amazing. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. I’m sorry if meeting my friends was too weird. They haven’t seen me out with anyone in a while.”

“It’s okay, thank you for inviting me. I’m having a great time. I loved the performances. These kids are so talented,” you gushed.

“I’m glad you enjoyed it. What did you think about the dance groups?

“It was definitely a timeless routine. The music choice was excellent. It was my favorite routine of the whole night,” you beamed.

“I’ll be sure to let the teacher know, she’s a very good friend of mine. So tell me, how was your presentation?” His emerald eyes shone with genuine interest.

You avoided his gaze, fidgeting with your bracelet, “I didn’t make it to school, I had to reschedule because my car broke down. I was really looking forward to it.”

“And I was really excited to hear about it,” Rafa replied with a sad smile, “Is there something I could do to help?”

You thought back to him bidding on the expensive tuitions he wanted to sponsor, and then you trained your eyes on the expensive bottle of wine the waiter just set down before you.

“N-no,” you stammer, “I am working on getting it out of the repair shop in a few days! It’s really no problem.”

“I wouldn’t mind helping you out. I really like you, Y/N. You’re hard working and sweet. You also make a mean cup of tea. I drink that flavor every day and I’ve never been able to get it quite right.”

Rafael fell silent and fiddled with the utensils for a moment. Finally he utters, “I was wondering if you’d be my girlfriend, with an added perk.”

Wow! What a pitch! You think to yourself as your eyes widen.

“And that perk would be?”

“I’d like to give you an allowance, baby. For you to spend however you like. He thinks for a moment, “You wouldn’t have to quit your job, but you should know,” Rafa lightly squeezes your hand, “I own the whole chain.”

Your mouth turned to cotton again and your brain tried to keep up. “Like a sugar baby? Wait you own Taste of Honey?”

“Yes, and yes,” he replies slowly, taking a sip of his wine and arching his eyebrow at you over the rim of his goblet.

Something quakes inside of you at the look. It must be your resolve crumbling.

You sit back and think to yourself. He’s really hot, so if you had to do it like most girls, it wouldn’t be a problem. Even if he just wanted a friend, girls like you don’t take free money like that, no matter how tempting. But he’s your boss, even hotter.

You smile at him, your sense of reasoning shot. Sipping some water, you lower your gaze, trying to mask your surprise. “That sounds interesting. And just about the hottest thing I’ve ever heard. It’s doing things to me,” you say carefully, “You do things to me. So, yes. I’ll be your girlfriend, Rafa.”

The soft way you say his name makes his heart soar. He’s relieved he made a good move inviting you out tonight. You’re glad that you decided to say yes. It’s been a while since you allowed yourself to be out with someone.

As you eat, it’s quiet again. Digging into the amazing cuisine and the drinks, you were getting more relaxed. The prospect of not having to worry about your finances seemed amazing. Your job could just be pocket change, and you would not have to burden your family. Maybe you could quit and have more time to study. But you liked making beverages for the little old ladies and gorgeous men who frequented the cafe. It’s the best job you’ve had since you were a teenager. It’s also what led you here. Whatever you decided, you promised yourself to always be self-sufficient.

When you clear your plate, you smile and mirror Rafa’s actions over the rim of your glass, “As for your offer to be my sugar daddy, I’m going to need a couple of days to think it over.”

“That’s fine, sweetheart,” He looked excited that you were even considering it. But oh, I wish there was another word, gosh, I’m not that much older than you,” he rolled his eyes.

You laughed, “maybe we’ll find something else.”

You and Rafa continued to eat, and laughed at everything and nothing. Then he walked you back through the lobby where he said good night to his friends, and you took a good last look at the instruments on display now marked with price tags. Rafa led you through the garden towards the valet parking.

“Aww, the night is over so soon? “I had a really nice night. It was a pretty impressive first date, as those go.”

“Yeah? Thanks. I figured it wouldn’t be gentlemanly to keep you out all night. I know that your roommate will be waiting up,” Rafa smiled knowingly.

“It’s still early. What if I said, I could tell her tomorrow?”

He grinned, and offered his hand to you. You took his hand, and you walked slowly towards the line of cars. His vintage vehicle lit up as it approached the curb. The valet stepped out, opened the passenger side door, and Rafa assumed his position in the drivers seat smoothly. You settled into your seat, ready to see what the rest of the night would hold.

“Let’s go then.”

September Roundup

So it wasn’t a very productive month, writing wise. I think I wrote less than 1000 words due to various RL issues (a shoulder impingement giving me grief among other things). I can’t entirely blame that, but nor am I going to dwell. It’s my birthday tomorrow, and while I’m having the usual existential crisis about another year slipping by almost unnoticed and without significant accomplishment, I am resolved to return to my novel and get at least the first draft finished by the end of the year. We’ll see how that goes.

In the meantime, I’ve at least been reading more. I’ve also consumed too much film/tv instead of writing, but hey.

The Testaments by Margaret Atwood - the long-awaited sequel to The Handmaid’s Tale, this was an engrossing read, if perhaps not what people were expecting. While I agree with some of the criticism, I really enjoyed this book.

Like the original novel, it takes the form of primary sources from the rule of Gilead, in Aunt Lydia’s secret chronicle, and “witness testimony” from two young women - one who grew up within Gilead, and the other outside. It’s fairly obvious from the beginning who they are, but I’ll avoid spoilers. Events become a little convenient towards the end, but it’s a great improvement on the tv show’s third season where things just became ludicrously easy and consequence free. I don’t think Atwood will ever write again in this world, but there is still so much to explore and I hope she does.

Henry VIII and the Men Who Made Him by Tracy Borman - As far as Tudor biographies go, there’s nothing much new here, but it is an interesting character study of Henry VIII through the men who had the greatest influence on him, especially as a young despot in the making. Through this lens it really does become just so shockingly clear that with a few exceptions, almost everyone of importance in Henry’s life goes through the same cycle of being built up, brought close, and rewarded, but then cast aside or crushed by his unchallenged power and narcissism - and often on very flimsy pretext. 

Top End Wedding - I love a romcom, and this was really charming - it’s now on Netflix so I highly recommend. Starring and co-written by Miranda Tapsell, and directed by Wayne Blair (who also directed The Sapphires - a must see if you haven’t), it’s a film that shows great love to classic American and British romcoms (and the tropes are all there), but also uniquely Australian (Tapsell and Blair are both Indigenous, and care was taken to liaise with the Aboriginal communities where filming took place to ensure that proper approvals were given and and respect paid to the traditional owners). The backdrop of the Northern Territory is just beyond gorgeous, and this just the kind of heartwarming fare needed in these Trying Times (TM).

Bill and Ted Face the Music - As is this! I’ve loved the first two Bill and Ted movies since I was a kid, and was so happy that they’ve finally completed the trilogy. Look, it’s not high art, and you’d be forgiven for thinking this is just another cash grab off the sequel-reboot merry go round, but this was made with such clear love and affection for the originals that I just don’t care.

Here’s the thing: I hate an unnecessarily reboot as much as the next person - I don’t think there’s any point remaking something unless you have something new to say about the material. I also hate the “bleakquel” - where the only idea to follow up the original material is to tear it down just to rebuild it the same but without the heart (looking at you Star Wars). However, I am a sucker for the follow up/sequel just to catch up with those characters you love and see how they’re doing 10, 20, 30 years later. It’s familiar, it’s comforting, and sometimes that’s all it needs to be. Really, that’s all B&T FTM is, but I was perfectly satisfied by it.

Maybe there’s nothing more this film has to say than Be Excellent to Each Other (again), but honestly that’s a message I think we all need right now. There’s of course more to it than that - for the first time, we see a Bill and Ted who have become disillusioned that despite mastering so many different forms of music, they haven’t found The Song that will align the planets and bring out world peace etc, despite their most valiant attempts (That Which Binds Us Through Time: The Chemical, Physical and Biological Nature of Love: An Exploration of the Meaning of Meaning, Part 1 is a neat joke but also a legitimate banger complete with throat singing, a theremin, and bagpipes). And SPOILERS: In the end they discover honestly the only possible answer: that The Song itself doesn’t matter, it’s the world united through music, playing together, that brings everything into balance.

Does all the time travel work within the established rules of the universe? Not really - we see alternate Bill and Teds of the future without any explanation of alternate timelines. Are Samara Weaving (as Thea Preston) and Brigette Lundy-Paine (as Billie Logan) essentially doing impression of Winters and Reeves? Sure, but they are so charming that I don’t care.

Now, there are some obvious holes - covid made reshoots/pickups impossible so the opening “where are they now” montage got nixed, there was clearly more story for Elizabeth and Joanna (”the Princesses”) that is sadly missing, and the ending is very abrupt, but circumstances being what they are I can see why they decided to work with what they had and release the film, which is an antidote to the current, depressing state of the world, and at least in my view, a worthy third and final part of the Bill and Ted trilogy. (But I wouldn’t say no to a time-travel through music history show with Billie and Thea).

Disclosure (dir. Sam Feder) - a fantastic documentary exploring the representation of trans people in film and television, which sadly has often vacillated between lack of representation to misrepresentation, but with hope that things are slowly improving. A really worthwhile watch.

Enola Holmes (dir. Harry Bradbeer) - Twas charming! I hadn’t read (or even heard of) the YA books this is based on, and am uninterested in Stranger Things, but found this very entertaining and Millie Bobby Brown delightful in the title role. There was also a nice balance in the supporting cast, in that they resisted the urge to stack the decks too high in Enola’s favour, or make all the characters around her completely incompetent so she’s only heroic by default. She is clever and accomplished, but also finds that practicing jiu-jitsu is very different to an actual fight against someone trying to kill her.

Fleabag (seasons 1-2) - I never want to be too harsh on movies or tv that have been hyped to the heavens, because expectations are always too high and are rarely met. I liked this show, but did find all the smug asides and looks to camera a little grating in the first season. I enjoyed the second season a lot more, because while Fleabag was still a screw up, she wasn’t stealing money from her date’s wallet level terrible, so there was more of an emotionally satisfying arc (+ Andrew Scott who is always great), and I felt the humour was pitched a bit better. Olivia Coleman was the standout for me (isn’t she always?) as the Godmother, whose smiling, passive-aggressive villainy was masterful and worth watching for that alone.

Lucifer (seasons 1-2) - This show has crossed my tumblr dash for years, but I’m not really fond of crime procedurals. I am fond of mythology so seeing as the whole thing’s now on Netflix I decided to give it a go, and I have to say I am intrigued by the concept of the devil as a wayward son whose punishment for rebelling against God was to spend eternity punishing others, rather than straight-up evil incarnate. So far the procedural side of things is ho hum, but I am enjoying the mythology side, and Tom Ellis is very very handsome. I’m also pleasantly surprised at the number of female characters in the main and supporting cast and their treatment - they are actually allowed to talk and be friends with one another. Can you believe?!?

L-O-V-E

Fandom: Marvel 

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Your best friend confesses his love for you. Inspired by the song "L-O-V-E" by Nat King Cole

L-is for the way you look at me

You held your hand over your mouth as you tried to keep your drink in your mouth. Sam’s joke was just too funny and he just had to tell it while you were taking a sip from your drink. With your hand, you slapped Sam’s bicep, making him laugh even more. 

Across the room, your eyes met with Bucky’s. His eyes were soft and filled with affection as you smiled at him. He gave you a wink which made you giggle. Your attention was then called back to Sam as he was trying to recall something that happened a few missions ago. But Bucky’s eyes never wavered from you. You had his attention 100% throughout the night, and nothing could waver it. 

Whenever Bucky looked at you, there was a flutter in his stomach that he relished yet cursed. You were his best friend and he shouldn’t be feeling this way...but he just couldn’t help it. 

O-is for the only one I see

You and Bucky were undercover at the MET for a special Egyption exhibit. Word had got to you guys that someone was planning on kidnapping the Egyptian ambassador that night. So there you were, dressed to the nines. You were currently making small talk to a man whose eyes wandered over yout form a lot. Bucky wanted to punch his teeth out. 

“Well hey there, handsome,” a tall, leggy blonde stood in front of Bucky, blocking his view from you.

“Um, hello,” he mustered out, eyes darting back to you and Mr. Wandering Eyes.

“So, you seem kinda bored here, I was thinking we could go somewhere else and have a little more fun?” she placed a well-manicured hand on his bicep, slowly rubbing up and down. 

Bucky kept moving his head left and right, trying to keep his eyes on you. He got a glance of the man’s hand on your hip and you immediately ripped it away. 

“Sorry, ma’am, I gotta go handle something.” he swerved around the blonde, pushing through groups of people to get to you, “Right behind you, doll, a champagne tray,” he mumbled under his breath. 

Right on cue, you turned around, bumping into the young man with the tray, “You idiot!” you yelled, grabbing the attention of the people around you. 

“I-I’m sorry! I didn’t-” the waiter went to grab some nearby napkins, but Bucky swooped in.

“I got it, kid.” he offered his hand to you, “Let’s get you change, doll.” 

You took his hand, feigning a sorry expression to Wandering Eyes, “I’m sorry. I should go. Thank you for your company!” You and Bucky wandered to another exhibit room. You shook everything off, “Ugh. Disgusting piece of shit.”

Bucky chuckled, “I knew you’d be able to handle it, but you looked like you ready to punch him in the face and that would’ve been no good.”

You pouted at him, “You’re no fun.” You swipe a stray strand of hair out of your face, “But you really didn’t need to interfere. It looked like you got the attention of that pretty blonde, should’ve went for it.”

He shrugged, stuffing his hands in his pockets, “Nah. She’s not really my type. Besides, I only got already got a girl.”

You snorted, “I don’t count, Buck.”

He smirked, “Who said it was you?”

You slapped his arm which made him chuckle. He wrapped his arm around you and escorted you back into the main exhibit room, receiving word that Sam and Nat had captured the suspects.

V-is very, very extraordinary

When it came to who you were aside from an agent of SHIELD and an Avenger, you were ordinary in the best ways. 

You loved to watch movies, quoting lines left and right. You were an excellent singer, but you didn’t really know it. Bucky found himself falling into a trance whenever you sang doing the most mundane things around the compound. You were also really good at art, as good as Steve, Bucky believed. All of these qualities were ones he found endearing and what contributed to him falling harder for you.

“Don’t move,” you mumble. Bucky looks to his right to see you with your sketchpad in hand. He didn’t even realize your were sketching him. He thought you were watching the movie with the way you were reciting lines and jokes. 

You looked up and you sneered at him, “Bucky!” you kicked his thigh with your foot, “I said not to move!”

He snickered, resting his hand on your leg, “Sorry, sorry.” he turned back to the tv, but his attention wasn’t on the movie. It was on you. He kept glancing back at you, your brows furrowed, and eyes hard with concentration as you sketched him, “You done yet, sweetheart?”

“Almost. Just shading now.”

“Alright. Alright.....done now?”

“No.”

“Okay...now?”

“Nope.”

“........now?”

“Bucky!” you shouted at him and he broke out into a fit of giggles.

“‘M sorry, doll! I just wanna see it!”

“Alright!” you took a few more moments and then flipped the sketch to face him, “Ta-daaaa!!” Bucky leaned over, grabbing your pad. His eyes wandered over the sketch. It was amazing. The way that his face was shaded to mimicked illumination of the television. His eyes looked so soft and entrancing. 

“It’s...wow.”

He looked up to see you shrug, “It’s nothin’ really.”

He shook his head, “No, doll. This..it’s amazing. You’re amazing.

E-is even more than anyone that you adore

You woke up on the 14th of February. It seemed like a regular day to you. You got up from bed and went to take a shower. After you stepped out, dressed for the day, damp hair still wrapped in a towel, you stopped in your tracks. 

On your now made bed, sat a tray of your favorite breakfast food accompanied by a bouquet of your favorite flowers. Your brows furrowed in confusion as you went over, plucking the note that sat beside the plate of food. 

Happy Valentine’s Day to the girl who’s always had my heart. 

Your brows shot up in surprise. Someone...likes you? You then picked up the bouquet, picking out the note that came with it.

I was going to get you roses, but that felt so cliche. I hope these will suffice. 

So whoever this person was, they knew you pretty well. Your mind immediately went to Bucky, you two were best friends. Therefore, he knew you best, right? But, again, you two were best friends. He couldn’t have feelings for you....could he?

______________________________

For the entire day, you hadn’t seen Bucky. Steve said he’d gone on a last minute mission that would take up most of the day. You were a bit disappointed. Although you and he hadn’t discussed plans for today, you hoped you two could just spend it together. You suppose not. That also took Bucky off the list of your potential secret admirers. If he wasn’t here, then he couldn’t have brought you breakfast and flowers. 

You went through the list of remaining candidates:

Vision - taken. 

Wanda - taken

Bruce - taken???

Nat - taken??? idk. it’s complicated.

Sam - possible

Steve - are him and sharon still a thing???

Peter - a kid

Tony - engaged

Clint - married

Thor - possible

Bucky - currently away

So that only really left you with Steve and Sam, which makes sense to you. Besides, Bucky, you spend a lot of time with those two as well. You were really close with the both of them and it seems like they’d be observant enough to notice the things you liked. But did you have feelings for them? Well, they’re your friends and you can’t feel like that for your friends...but in the case of Bucky...

“UGH!” 

“You okay?” you jumped at the sound of Steve’s voice. He let out a chuckle as he entered your room, “Sorry,” he walked over to your bed, sitting at the edge, “What’s going on?”

You shrugged, “Just trying to find out who this secret admirer is. It’s not you, is it?”

Steve gave you a shrug, “What if it was?”

You threw your hands up in the air, “You can’t just answer my question with another question! That’s not even answering it!”

“Easy, Steve,” he let out a laugh, “The answer will come to you later on.”

Your face scrunched up in confusion, “What kind of cryptic shit is that?!”

He laughed again, then stood up, “It’s not cryptic at all, Y/N.” he waltzed out of your room leaving you confused as ever.

_____________________________

You came back to your room from running errands and working on reports to find a huge plush of your favorite animal on your bed. Beside it, sat a box with a note on top. You flipped open the note:

Put this on. Then meet me in the lounge. 6 o’clock. And bring your new friend. 

You expected to find a dress or some type of lingerie set in the box, but instead, was a unicorn onesie. You couldn’t help but let out a laugh as you pulled it out, holding it up against your body in front of your mirror. Looks like your secret admirer has a sense of humor. 

You looked at the time, and noticed it you had an hour to get ready for whatever this person had planned. So you took a quick body shower to freshen up, swept your hair out of your face, and pulled on the unicorn onesie. You giggled as you checked yourself out in the mirror. The thing was frickin cute and sooo warm. You loved it. 

With fifteen minutes left, you decided to head on up early. Hopefully, you get to catch your secret admirer by surprise. So you grabbed your new plushy friend, padded your way to the lounge, as quietly as you could, and approached the lounge. You stopped when you a saw a figure dressed in a unicorn onesie like yours, fluffing some pillows and rearranging them. 

The lounge was set up with fairy lights, heart shaped balloons, and pillows and blankets everywhere. The coffee table was pushed to the side and had all types of food and snacks set up. There was a heart shaped pizza, popcorn, heart shaped chocolates, chocolate roses, bottles of wine and champagne. It was amazing.

“This should be fine, right? Yeah. I think that’s good.” you knew that voice and your heart started to race.

“Bucky?” the figure tensed up and then stood up straight. They slowly turned to you and your suspicions were correct. 

He gulped and softly smiled as he said, “Happy Valentine’s Day, doll.”

You slowly approached him, clutching onto your plush for dear life, “You’re my secret admirer?”

“Yeah. Um, sit down?” he gestured to the nest of pillows and blankets he set up. You slowly lowered yourself into it, Bucky following you, “So, I know we’re best friends and all, but I think we could more than that? ‘Cause, well,” he paused to nervously rub the back of his neck, “I’m really soft on ya, Y/N. And when I say soft I mean-I mean that..that I love you. I love you and I’m in love with you.” He anxiously bit his lips, “But if you don’t feel the same, that’s fine. We don’t have to treat all this like something romantic. It can just be two best friends hanging out. Like we always do.”

“But if I want it to be romantic?” you said with a small smirk.

A grin broke out on his face, “Really?”

“Well...people always said the person you want to be with should be your best friend so...yeah.”

Bucky let out a breath of relief, “That’s-That’s good. Great, even! Um...” he chuckled, “I don’t know what to do now, honestly.”

You let out a laugh, “Okay! Well first, you’re gonna kiss me. Then you’re gonna put on a movie and we’re gonna stuff our faces with all of the food that you brought. Occasionally, sneaking in more kisses here and there.”

Bucky gave you a big smile, “I can definitely do that.” He leaned in, pressing his lips to yours and you could feel the amount of love and devotion he had for you. And you just knew that this love was made for him and you.

My Review of Kaguya-sama: Love is War

How did I get into this anime? It was about time to do it as this was one of the best animes to come from the winter 2019 anime line-up (after Dororo and The Promised Neverland). Now let’s hit…

Hold it Medea! Weren’t you supposed to review Darker Than Black for your Aniplex pick?

Ah, yes…THAT anime. I watched it. I finished it. It was a mind-fuck. I bailed on the review. And while I’m at it, I’m also not reviewing Psycho Pass 3, Violet Evergarden, or A Certain Scientific Accelerator. Onto Kaguya-sama!

Shuchiin Academy, once a school for students that are well-off financially. Nowadays, it’s still that, but even commoners can attend. And one such student is a boy by the name of Miyuki Shirogane, who in just his first year managed to obtain the top spot at the school with the position of Student Council President.  By his side is his vice president, Kaguya Shinomiya. This girl comes from extreme wealth and excels in many fields including art and music. The students here revere these two as being the best of the best. And also…they make a great couple!

Pump the brakes here, pal. These two are NOT a couple. As a matter of fact, both characters end up playing 3D chess in their brains to try and take the other person down with mind games if even the slightest topic involving love is brought up. Both Kaguya and Miyuki already have feelings for the other, they just won’t admit it. The first person to admit love will be considered the loser in this war. And both of these characters are stubborn to the point of…oh my god!

THESE TWO ARE TSUNDERES! I’ve seen animes where only one person is the tsundere in the couple. But what happens when they’re BOTH tsunderes? Well…it took over 20 episodes for Taiga on Toradora. It took over 4 seasons for Louise on Familiar of Zero. But those two animes had only ONE tsundere. This anime has TWO. We might be here for a while!

Well, let’s watch who wins and who loses in the game (or war) of love!

BETWEEN THE SUB AND THE DUB: Aniplex of America has a good grip on this anime as they have managed to license the second season before it has aired. Much to my dismay, this anime has not received an English dub. Aniplex of America has released the blu-ray last month ($100+ shipping and handling), but only with Japanese audio/English subtitles. Okay.

Now IF they decide to come back in a few years and dub this series, I have a few thoughts. And don’t say it’ll never happen. FUNimation and Sentai are guilty as fuck of releasing a series with no dub and two years later dropping a dub release just so they can grab extra dough.

I HAVEN’T FORGOTTEN NICHIJOU YOU GRIFTING CRAP-WEASELS!

Anyways, if they decide to do this, I want R. Bruce Elliott to voice the narrator. I don’t give a shit about the rest of the cast, I just want that for the narrator! That’s just my take on that matter. I know this would NEVER happen unless Elliott ends up in L.A. for a few sessions (as he’s mostly stationed in Texas). It’s just that he’s the best person to play a narrator in just about anything. Don’t believe me? Watch Space Dandy and Sgt. Frog and get back to me!

Oh! And just my luck, FUNimation plans on giving this series an English dub. Though it’ll be a while before we see anything due to COVID-19 mess! No rush, take your time. Rest up. Consider R. Bruce Elliot as the narrator. And we’ll see you after we get off quarantine!

The sub version consists of a lot of newer, yet familiar voices. As for Kaguya’s seiyuu (Aoi Koga), this is my first time hearing her voice and so far I’m impressed. I’m also impressed with an anime to have several tsunderes and no sign of Rie Kugimiya, the QUEEN of tsundere anime characters. That shows great dedication, but if she ends up in season two, I’m gonna scream. Here’s what you might recognize these folks from.

*Kaguya is played by Aoi Koga

*Miyuki is played by Makoto Furukawa (known for Saitama on One Punch Man, Hatsuharu on Fruits Basket 2019, and Banri on Golden Time)

*Chika is played by Konomi Kohara (known for Miu on Domestic Girlfriend, Fizel on SAO: Alicization, and Kai on Hitoribocchi)

*Yuu is played by Ryouta Suzuki (known for Ryouhei on Tsurune)

FAVORITE CHARACTER: Chika. Chika. Chika. Chika. Chika. And did I mention Chika?

Best girl!

SPEAKING OF CHIKA: I found an infectious little song in the form of an ending theme! For one episode, we got an ending theme song featuring Chika.

Chikatto Chika Chikaa♡! I just love it! This should win an award or something!

*several months later*

Thank you Crunchyroll Awards!

Seriously, this ED as well as the OP theme are just so infectious that I constantly go back to replay these two songs whenever I take a break from replaying Black Clover themes (no joke, I love Black Clover themes). The first ending is fine. It’s just that Chika’s special ED was so addicting that I had to mention it once, twice, or more!

SHIPPING: It’s pretty obvious to see that Kaguya and Miyuki are mad for each other. But there are several obstacles in their way. For one thing this is sort of their first love, so approaching this subject is very new. Secondly, both of them are dead-set on the fact that love is a war full of wins and losses. Both Kaguya and Miyuki play these mind-games when something mundane happens like a personality quiz or a weekend activity. They try to trap the other person into saying something embarrassing or admitting to something. Even though it’s so crystal clear that they both are romantically interested in each other!

However, I’m pretty sure Kaguya has lost more battles than Miyuki due to the infamous sick day episode. Sick Kaguya is pretty ballsy getting Miyuki to lay in bed with her.

FUNNIEST MOMENT: You can blame this on the fact that I’m absolutely immature and have the mind of an 8 year old. But there was a moment in mid-season where Chika learns of a specific quirk about Kaguya. Because Kaguya was suppressed when it came to matters of phrases and naughty words, she still finds the word “wiener” utterly hilarious. And so during this whole segment, you’ve got Chika continuously saying the word “wiener”. Then, she goes the extra mile to have other members of the student council like Miyuki and Yuu to say the word. And Kaguya is trying to prevent them from saying it until we just get a barrage of “wieners” and hysterical laughter. I gotta admit that it was one of the funniest moments in this series.

ENDING: A few episodes before the finale, a monumentous moment occurred. Kaguya got sick.

Just go with it!

Whenever Kaguya gets sick, her mind goes into a complete stupor. Her mind is almost that of an infant or small child and once she’s better, she will not remember a single thing that happened. And Miyuki was the poor sap to check on her during that sick day! I’ll cut to the chase and say what went down.

She opens her bed covers and drags Miyuki into bed with her. Now before your mind jumps in the trash, they remained fully clothed…although they both did fall asleep. So, they slept together. Just no intercourse! This kinda lead to a major fight involving a cake, an apology, and a cute moment where Kaguya touches his lip!

Hey, a girl who’s been sexually suppressed her whole life, this is like first base here.

I feel that was a bit of a breaking point to bring up on a count of a lot of the mind games stopped temporarily. Probably because the last two episodes of the season involved summer break! By the looks of it, Chika was having a blast eating so much and Yuu is doing his usual gaming stuff. All the while, Kaguya and Miyuki didn’t really do much during their break. But they promised to all meet up one day to see the fireworks. Unfortunately, that serves to be a daunting task for Kaguya as she’s been heavily sheltered her entire life. Her family (especially her father) never let her do things normal kids take for granted including going out with friends or even walking to school.

In fact, Kaguya’s plans of meeting up with Chika and others to go shopping were cancelled due to Kaguya’s father calling her to the main house…for literally nothing. Add to that, the family saw it in THEIR best interest to not allow Kaguya to leave the house to see the fireworks with her friends. But Kaguya decided to defy those orders! She gets her servant Hayasaka to disguise as her if any other servants come in and escaped her house. Yuu, Chika, and Miyuki were all in an agreement to save Kaguya…just not on the same wavelength. Kaguya on her own ended up missing the firework show. But once Miyuki found her, he took her and they went on a small adventure to another prefecture to see another firework show. But it could be cutting it close due to traffic and the show was reaching its end. Thankfully, they made it! Kaguya was finally able to see the fireworks with her friends.

It’s just that Kaguya didn’t pay attention to the firework show…she stared at Miyuki the whole time!

In the final segment of episode 12, Kaguya and Miyuki kinda realized how dorky they were the night of the firework show. Kaguya let her guard down so many times that night and spent the entire firework show staring at Miyuki. Meanwhile, Miyuki thought he sounded stupid when he took Kaguya to the show. We get one final mind-game between these two until it ended with Miyuki almost saying something and Kaguya chases him down while the end credits play on in the background.

Will either one of them say how they truly feel about the other? Who will win? Who will lose?

…Guess we’ll find out in a few days when season two airs!

This was an entertaining anime! It’s like if Death Note were a rom-com instead of a thriller. Both Kaguya and Miyuki have a similar mind-set to Light Yagami when it comes to the game of love. They both have the hots for each other and both refuse to admit it first. But thanks to key moments including Kaguya’s sickness and the firework saga, there’s been definite progress with these two letting their guards down. But they’ve got a long way to go! I mean, these two are major tsunderes meaning they’re going to suppress their wants and desires with the opposite sex with these ridiculous mind-games. So…we might be here for a while before any one of them admits their feelings. But I say give it a watch! It’s not that long of a series and it’s still fairly new so it’s still open for more sequels and side-projects before losing its luster.

Currently, this anime is available for streaming on Hulu, Crunchyroll, and FUNimation.

And stay tuned for the second season exclusively available on FUNima…You guys are really pissing me off with your exclusivity!

Okay, I managed to finish this baby up quite quick. What’s the next Aniplex title I’m going to watch?

Picture it, Medea. Osmosis Jones but…

Cells at Work?

That’s great. I’m also not reviewing this one. I have my own reasons for not reviewing this. So let’s hit the randomizer button again because as of this date, I finished Cells at Work.

Lord El-Melloi…I’M NOT READING ALL THAT SHIT! Sum it up quickly!

It’s Fate, but with Waver Velvet.

Jesus “Tap Dancing” Christ, it’s another Fate series! I’m not reviewing anything Fate! It’s a cluster-fuck of a series! Don’t get me wrong, I love Fate/Zero and Unlimited Blade Works as much as the next dip-shit, but the franchise is a pile of cluster bombs and I can’t make heads or tails of any of this. Regardless, I finished that hot mess as well.

Okay you picky-ass bitch, how about the best animated anime of the 2010’s?

Demon Slayer!

Now that’s more like it! But I will still fight to the death that best animated goes to Violet Evergarden!

My Top 25 Games Advent Day 2 - Final Fantasy Fables: Chocobo Tales (#24)

“Now, excuse me while I help myself to your souls!”

I’m a complete and total Final Fantasy novice. Other than this 13 year old obscure DS title, I have played about 40 minutes of FF7 and that’s really it with my Final Fantasy experience. Somehow though, this game struck enough of a chord with me as a child that it ended up tailing this list.

Let’s get the slightly awkward stuff out of the way. I’ll be the first to admit this game is relatively junior. The entire game is populated with barely developed bird characters (which you yourself are also) and odd mini-games based on fairytales, the final boss fight is basically just a game of air hockey and the whole thing from start to finish is played with the DS stylus. Now, that’s probably a recipe for disaster. But despite the odds, and the fact that near enough everyone on the planet either hates this game or has completely forgotten it, I adored it.

Chocobo Tales sees you take control of a nameless chocobo who receives a name of your choosing and lives on the peaceful, slightly generic Chocobo Farm. And then just as you’re settling down for story time with the farm’s caretaker, a variant of Final Fantasy’s black mage shows up in the form of an edgy bookworm named Croma, and what do you know, he’s brought with him an evil soul-sucking book by accident. Now the whole farm is evil or whatever. I’ll be honest with you, the story isn’t particularly why this placed here; it’s kind of confusing, feels arbitrary and most of it centres around these crystals I’m supposed to care about. Aside from the stellar development of one of the game’s central villains Irma, it’s difficult to latch onto and remember clearly. No, what makes this game so excellent and memorable in my mind is the combat system. I absolutely loved it and I’ve never played anything like it since. You spend the entire game collecting cards depicting the various odd mythical creatures that populate the Final Fantasy universe and you use them to partake in fun, unique and oddly comicesque battles throughout the game. Each card has an element (fire etc.) and its own special ability to set it apart, and all the art of the monsters when they’re summoned is cool as heck! They’re like comic drawings!! And I’m still a child!!

Anyway, the way you fight in this game is via the four slots on the card that are at the top, left, right and bottom of the card. If you have a sword in one of these slots that coincides with your enemy’s card slots (e.g. your left slot has a sword and their left slot has nothing in), you land a hit. If there’s a shield in that enemy’s slot instead, no damage is taken and same goes for you. Add on top of that a sleugh of unique spells and abilities for each type of card and you’ve got yourself a genuinely fresh and interesting combat mechanic that makes it feel rewarding and even necessary to traverse the entire world picking every single card in the collection just so you can build the best deck possible. Admittedly, as I mentioned earlier, it all gets thrown away in the final encounter in favour of air hockey, but hey the music is cool and you can’t have everything.

Aside from combat, gameplay largely consists of those fairy tale minigames. You find cute little story books scattered across the world, most of which are mandatory to actually continue with the main story and honestly, they vary in quality. A few are so unabashedly fun I actually found myself coming back to them after it was necessary to do so, but equally, some suck so hard and make literally no sense from a mechanical standpoint that it briefly sucks the fun out of the game. Either way, the game’s commitment to focusing on fairytales as a central theme works brilliantly and really adds to this game’s unique feel. And then the rest of the time, you’re moving through the world via dragging a stylus across the screen and oh wow, they properly studied the Penguin Guide to Making an RPG World, didn’t they? They’ve got all the classics here; grassy starting area, fire bit, water bit, forest bit and (everyone’s favourite) threatening lightning bit. The graphics are absolutely amazing and hold up brilliantly for a 2006 DS game, but this world is so generic it almost hurts. However, of course, it wouldn’t have its signature Final Fantasy charm, nor would it likely have a place on my list if it wasn’t for the soundtrack. This game’s soundtrack is far better than it has any right to be. If you don’t believe me, have a listen to the game’s various overworld themes for each section of the map, or the battle theme that actually slaps or the mega sad song they use in emotional scenes that really does still bring tears (I really do be like that) or, best of all, this game’s version of Battle at the Big Bridge, which I maintain is one of the most awesome tracks to come out of a video game. I mean, it’s all just so GOOD.

Yes, I know I spent the majority of this review roasting the hell out of this game while simultaneously telling you it’s one of my favourites, but what are you gonna do, I think this is the relationship most people have with this game who don’t actively hate it. It’s fun, it’s wacky, collecting the cards and battling with them is downright addictive and it has just enough signature charm to call itself a Final Fantasy title (vaguely speaking), while also containing enough wonkiness to call itself a mid-2000s DS title. I adore it, in a way that I will never play it or talk about it with anyone ever again.

Standout Moment Award: Basically any part of the game that has combat in it qualifies for today’s standout moment award. I’d say the final encounter too for just the soundtrack alone (Battle at the Big Bridge babey), but also because, you know, I actually quite enjoy air hockey.

Standout Character Award: Irma. Sure, none of the characters in this game are exactly nuanced to hell, but something about Irma’s tragic backstory and her eventual redemption arc just did something for me as a kid. 

Tomorrow: No. 23; The birth of the most notable video game adaptation of Pinball.

hadestown - 5/26/19, 3pm

We also saw Hadestown while we were in the city for Octet!

Sooooo, as I mentioned before, I saw Hadestown off-broadway at the NYTW in the spring of 2016. I had previously been familiar with the album, as Orpheus and Eurydice is a particular favorite myth of mine. I can't 100% remember, but I think that someone told me to listen to it when I was writing my X-Men Orpheus&Eurydice story? Either way, when we found out it was going to be playing while @pearlo was in town, we got tickets, along with @littledust and @anachronistique. And it was great!! I truly enjoyed it! I've been listening to bits of it regularly ever since! (Ish. There was like, a good eight months where all I listened to was podcasts, books, and Ghost Quartet.)

I'm saying all of this because this review is...pretty critical? And I want to make it clear that I do love this music and enjoy this show and I had a good time and I would recommend it, probably! But I wasn't as in love with the production as I was with the NYTW production for a few reasons that I'll get into below the cut.

So, usually I go song by song, but I feel like the things I have to say are largely broader than that, so I guess I'm just going to jump right in.

The cast is largely excellent. Patrick Page and Amber Gray could murder me and I'd be okay with it, tee bee aitch. Patrick Page does a thing with his face that just makes me cry, I don't know how he does it. Sorcery, probably. And Amber Gray is an actual goddess, for reals, how is she even real?

I loved Eva Noblezada's take on Eurydice! She had this sharp, broken energy to her that was truly incredible. She was like...spunky. And it was excellent.

I loved Andre De Shields' energy. His movement was unreal. His voice didn't work for me in places, but that could have just been the sound design of the show--there were bits where it was really hard for me to make out what he was singing.

Jewelle Blackman is AMAZING, as are Yvette Gonzales-Nacer and Kay Trinidad. They've really turned the Fates into a more menacing presence, and while I ADORE Lulu Fall and Shaina Taub and missed seeing them, I didn't MISS them, if that makes sense.

Reeve Carney. Oh. My dude. You are certainly a white boy with a guitar.

And here's where it really starts to break down for me. I have two major issues with the show, and the first one is that I find absolutely nothing exceptional in Reeve Carney. I cannot understand why this cagey, feisty girl who's been hurt before would throw everything in with this weirdo, IMMEDIATELY POSSESSIVE kid who's singing her a song? Lisa framed it as, "She's nineteen and she's literally never met a nice man before," and I can kind of see it through that lens, but I also don't think that's the lens that the show wants me to see it through. It wants me to frame this as a beautiful, epic love story, but I don't buy that she's in love with him. Maybe I'm too gay for it or maybe it's the writing or maybe it's the acting, but it doesn't connect for me, and once that connection is broken, the whole show sort of falls apart.

I don't recall having this problem with the NYTW version. It could be that since that version started with the two of them already in love, it was easier to wave it off as some off-stage wooing that already happened and accept that there were reasons they were together. It could have been that Nabiyah Be's Eurydice was a little softer and more naive. It could have been that I empathized more with Damon Daunno's Orpheus. Whatever it was, I found it much easier to accept that they were in love, which made Orpheus' neglect feel so much more painful and Eurydice's choice so much more desperate and all that followed so much more heartbreaking.

Basically, most of the stakes stop being so high if you don't buy into their love, which I just...did not.

My other major issue, to get that out of the way up front, is the pacing is still not great. Although I didn't write up notes after Hadestown in 2016 (I saw it literally hours before I saw Hamilton for the first time), I remember talking with my friends about how the beginning is very tight and the middle-to-end are kind of a mess and bloated. I didn't follow the show closely while it was out of town and I guess I kind of hoped that it would have been tightened up more, but no. It was not. It still feels very over-full and there's now this number where Orpheus gets beat up by the Hadestown workers that's like...comically over the top. In my heart, I really feel like this could be a one act show, or at least a two act show with much shorter acts. "Wait for Me" is SUCH a good act one finale, but you lose some of that energy moving to "Why We Build the Wall," which I think would work just as well as an opening to act two, as much as I love the way "Our Lady of the Underground" is staged.

Anyway, all that being said, I still enjoyed it and still cried, so what do I know, right?

Road to Hell: I liked this as an introduction overall, and loved the little intros for all of the characters. It really sold me on Andre De Shields, too, esp because I loved Chris Sullivan so much.

Any Way the Wind Blows: This is such a great song and god, I loved the way Eva played Eurydice. The candle thing was a nice touch.

Come Home With Me: I can't believe I'm supposed to care about this kid.

Wedding Song: I liked the new twist on this, although I think I like it better a more earnest song. Still, Eurydice using this to sort of mock Orpheus about being a broke artist was a cool twist and Eva sold it.

Epic I: This was fine. It's explained either here or earlier that spring and fall have more-or-less disappeared because Persephone is being forced to spend more time in the Underworld and is being brought back down sooner. The implication, as we get further along in the story, is that Hades doesn't know how to connect to Persephone any longer and is keeping her around more both a) as a show of power and b) because he doesn't know how else to express himself to her.

Livin’ It Up On Top: I would absolutely kill for Amber Gray. This version of Persephone is drinking to cope. A LOT. It paints this sad, lovely picture of what she's been feeling.

All I've Ever Known: I just do not buy that they're in love, sorry.

Way Down Hadestown: The staging and set of the show are fantastic. There's a panel at the center of the stage that rises and lowers as needed and the visual of Persephone and Hades, stony faced both, sinking back into the underworld is perfect.

A Gathering Storm: The through line about the weather mostly works for me, but honestly, I was so distracted by how annoyed I was at Orpheus during this number that I was pulled out of the moment.

Hey, Little Songbird: Skipping ahead a little, Patrick Page is perfect, in case you were wondering. I tweeted something like that after NYTW and he clearly found it in a vanity search and replied very humbly, which I find quite charming. But yes, I adore him.

When the Chips are Down: This is one of my favorite songs in this show and the Fates kill it here. Their slightly more sinister characterization makes it more haunting than taunting and I'm into it.

Wait For Me: The lighting in this number deserves a Tony all on its own. Jesus Christ, that's art. The set is also incredible. As Orpheus moves down into Hadestown, the stage splits apart from an intimate cafe into a larger, more industrial space. Very cool.

Why We Build the Wall: Again, Patrick Page is excellent. This works really well to pull Eurydice in, as well. We see her slowly starting to accept this way of thinking as she listens to Hades. And, of course, Persephone's act-ending line is perfect.

Our Lady of the Underground: Amber! Gray! Is! Wonderful!

Flowers: My actual favorite song in this show. Eva nails it, it was beautiful and poignant, on the heels of her slow realization that this isn't what Hades said it would be at all, that she's forgetting her name and who she is as she slowly is sucked into the capitalist machine.

Then in here is some more Orpheus stuff, including the ridiculous fight scene where he’s beat up by the workers?

There’s also this subplot that the workers think that if Orpheus can get out, they can get out too, so he’s leading like, a whole little revolution? Except that isn’t really expanded on at all and kind of falls away. It also, imo, takes these weird steps towards turning it into a different story than it is. If you’re pushing that it’s a love story, a love song, so much and then at the last minute paste on this “also a revolution is happening????” and then drop it for the emotional climax like...what are you doing, why is this here?

But also, there's this bit where Hades says "Have a drink!" to Persephone and she says something like "I'm done with that" and it is a real (pun not intended) sobering moment for the two of them. Ugh, I just really love them and the complexities of their relationship.

Epic: Patrick Page's face is very good at acting. The rest of him, too, I guess, but even from the cheap seats, I got SO worked up over Hades' quiet slip into acknowledging the despair that he feels over his inability to connect with Persephone. The guy on Naomi's other side was full on crying, even more than me. It was honestly glorious.

(I have a lot of thoughts about Hades and Persephone, and, to be honest, they’re my main draw to this show. I’m fascinated by their relationship here and the way it’s broken in a way they’re not quite sure how to fix. Against all odds, I’m rooting for them, I want it to work for them, if only because they both seem to remember this time when they were in love and nothing else mattered. I think that’s part of why the parts of this incarnation that don’t work for me...don’t work for me. I’m already more invested in Hades and Persephone than Orpheus and Eurydice, so when I have to work ten times harder to feel for their relationship, it just doesn’t seem worth it, especially next to one that I’m sucked into almost against my will.)

Doubt Comes In: I will give Reeve Carney this--despite knowing how this story was going to end, I still felt the creeping tension and dread in those moments leading up to him turning around. A woman behind Lisa said, "Oh no!" out loud, even.

Road to Hell (Reprise): And this is the other place where I cried, of all things! This number ends up being about how we know that this is a sad story and we know how it ends, but we keep telling it anyway, because that's what stories are there to do. I got weepy, who knows!

I Raise My Cup: So they moved this to after the curtain call??? I....don't know if it works like that, tee bee aitch.

ANYWAY, those are my thoughts, mostly I'm tired of typing this and the deadlines that I started writing it to avoid are looming, SO. I enjoyed it a lot, despite the things that bothered me, but I would probably not spend $150 to see it again. Rush tickets, maybe.

Memories are the Music of our Hearts

The Ouran Host Club decides to attend a local Obon festival during summer vacation! Mori shows off a hidden talent, Haruhi takes on the role of instructor, and Tamaki reaffirms what he's wanted all along.

I wrote this fan fiction for @ohshc-music-room3-zine! Reminder that there are a few physical bundles of the zine left and that PDF sales are still open!

@chiisagi and I collaborated together to make this idea come to life! Find her art work here!

And as always, a big thank you to @thislittlekumquat for being my beta reader for the project!

On AO3

Summer.

A time known for its dreadful humidity, vacations from school, and most importantly, festivals. No matter where one found oneself in Japan, a festival was never too far away this time of the year. Colorful lanterns often lit the way as the sun dipped below the horizon, illuminating the festival with a cheery atmosphere. Although it was becoming more normal for festival-goers to wear casual clothes, many people still donned a yukata for these events despite the difficulty and time it took to dress in them.

The clicking of geta on the hard pavement rang in Haruhi’s ears as they followed the path of paper lanterns, worried that they had kept the others waiting for too long. They noticed their group of friends standing at the entrance, their faces so recognizable at this point that it was near impossible to not pick them out. Haruhi waved to their friends and slowed their pace, drawing the Host Club’s attention.

“Sorry I'm late! I had some difficulty tying my obi.” Haruhi shouted as they tried to catch their breath, stopping just short of the gate.

“Wow Haru-chan! You look amazing!” Honey-senpai was the first of the group to run up and greet them, bursting with excitement as always. “The floral pattern of your yukata is lovely!”

“Thank you, senpai. You brought Usa-chan along with you tonight I see?”

“Mhmm! He wanted to experience the festival too!”

“Hey Haruhi.” Hikaru greeted. “If you were running late we could have met you halfway.” He spoke as he and his brother approached Haruhi and Honey, soon followed by the others.

“I wouldn’t want you guys to get lost somewhere.”

“That’s true. Maybe we all should have met at your place?” Kaoru chimed in.

“Showing up in limos in Haruhi’s small neighborhood could potentially cause another scene like last time, remember?” Kyoya remarked from behind the twins.

“Mhmm.” Mori agreed, his short and simple contribution causing Haruhi to smile. It was good to see everyone again during summer vacation.

As the group continued to idly talk, Tamaki stood silently towards the back with his cheeks burning bright red, holding onto Kyoya’s arm for support. Haruhi looked so pretty in their blue floral yukata, matching barrette clipped into their bangs and a beautiful flower decoration behind their left ear. His crush on Haruhi was no secret amongst the other members, and as much as they teased or joked they only wished him the best. Kyoya pinched the top of his hand to bring him back to reality and gestured to the festival behind them as an idea. Once Tamaki had managed to recover from the initial shyness, he decided to make his presence known, jumping into the conversation with his dramatic, sing-song voice.

“Well everyone, shall we head in? There’s lots more to do than just stand here and chitchat.”

“Yeah! Let’s go everyone!” Haruhi enthused, the other boys nodding in agreement as they all made their way inside.

Taking their first steps onto the cobblestone path, the sights and sounds of the surrounding festival reminded Haruhi of the few times they had attended when they were younger. Back then they attended Obon with their father to honor their mother. While now was certainly no different, Haruhi thought it was reassuring that their mom would see them having fun with their friends tonight.

All around was laughter and chatter from the other festival-goers, while off in the distance Haruhi heard the steady rhythm of a drum. Everyone had agreed to participate in the festival dance later that evening, but until then, they would amuse themselves with the various stalls that lined each side of the walkway.

“Hey, why don't we play a game to pass some time?” Hikaru suggested, Kaoru following his brother’s gaze. The younger of the twins pointed to one stall as he finished the thought.

“How about goldfish catching?”

Everyone thought it was an excellent idea, cheering in agreement as they headed to the stall. They were all handed both a paper scooper and a bowl of their own upon paying their 100 yen, everyone helping one another roll up the sleeves of their yukata before giving the game a chance. The rules were simple: be quick and catch as many fish as possible before the scooper disintegrated in the water, and no standing in the pool.

Catching fish was much more difficult than Haruhi recalled from their childhood, their paper scooper breaking after only a few submerges into the water. The boys seemed just as unlucky, unsuccessful in their attempts to catch even a single fish. However, Mori appeared to make up for their bad luck, finding a rhythm and capturing goldfish after goldfish before his paddle eventually broke. His bowl nearly overflowing with fish, he was forced to carry the plastic bags of his winnings in his arms. The group was now in quite the dilemma, for Mori would be unable to participate in the festival dance with his arms full of fish.

“Your goldfish are all so cute, Takashi! Look, this one here has orange speckles!” Honey pointed out as he watched the fish excitedly.

“But it will be impossible for Mori-senpai to navigate through a crowd of people with all these bags in his arms.” Tamaki frowned and tapped his index finger to his chin.

“And we can't exactly take them either since they’ll get jostled around while we dance.” Kyoya thought aloud, allowing the rest of the group to ponder on their next course of action.

“Maybe the stall would take them back?” Hikaru suggested.

“Or perhaps we could put them on a bench and hope someone takes them home?” Kaoru proposed and looked around to see if there was a bench nearby.

As the others discussed the possible options, Mori set his sights somewhere off into the distance, leaving the group so he could carry out his own solution. A little way down the lane stood a group of girls who had noticed the Host Club, recognizing their pretty features and charming air. The Strong and Silent Host made his way towards the group of girls alone, wearing a smile on his face. Haruhi happened to notice that he had taken off, watching the scene unfold out of the corner of their eye.

“Would you like one?” Mori shrugged his arms, gesturing to the many goldfish he carried. Each of the ladies was thrilled to receive such an adorable gift from their upperclassman and thanked Mori generously before they departed to enjoy the rest of the festival.

“Well that sure got all those fish off your hands, huh, Mori-senpai?” Haruhi asked as he returned to their group. He nodded in typical Mori-fashion and watched as the group of girls showed one another their fish in excitement.

“Yeah, they seemed really happy about it too.”

The group continued to wander around the festival, browsing the stalls and bravely trying a bit of the food. They each bought something different, allowing everyone to try out the various tastes and flavors. Haruhi had decided to purchase taiyaki, cutting the fish-shaped cakes into smaller pieces for sharing. The twins had bought ikayaki and dared everyone to at least try a small bite of the grilled squid on a stick. While they all stepped up to the plate, not everyone agreed that they would like to have a second bite.

“Say Haruhi, when is the dancing supposed to begin, again?” Hikaru asked as he threw out the stick to the chocolate covered banana he had been eating.

“It begins at 8:30. What time is it now?”

“According to my watch, it’s about twenty after eight o’clock,” Kyoya reported.

“Already?! It doesn’t feel like we’ve been walking around for that long!”

“Is something the matter Haruhi?” Tamaki asked, sensing concern in Haruhi’s voice.

“If we dawdle for too much longer we’ll be stuck in the back of the crowd for the dance. And that’s no fun since we won’t be able to see the performers.”

“Well, if we’re all done eating, why don’t we head on over? We came out tonight to dance, correct?” Kyoya suggested and nodded towards Haruhi. “Lead the way and we’ll follow close behind.”

“Come on then guys, let's go!” Haruhi motioned towards the gathering crowd.

The group soon found themselves encompassed by people on all sides, everyone full of excitement and cheer as they waited for the dances to begin. A few feet away stood a two-level yagura; the lower level serving as a stage for the dancers, while on the second level stood a nagadou-daiko, which a performer was already drumming away steadily on. Lanterns decorated the stage, bathing the area with enough light for everyone to see where they were going. Haruhi’s eagerness continued to build as the crowd grew. They turned to look at their friends, who wore expressions of nervousness.

“Is something… wrong?” Haruhi questioned. “You were all so bubbly a few minutes ago.”

“Well, I believe what everyone is thinking here is—”

“—None of us know the actions for the dances.” The twins spoke in turns, the others nodding in agreement.

“You're kidding me, right? None of you know the movements?”

“I would keep in mind that the last time many of us visited a festival was when we were children. And even then, I'm certain our parents would have taken us home before it had gotten too late.” Kyoya answered as everyone else agreed. Haruhi sighed as they thought about their next steps.

“Well, I suppose this time I will be the one instructing you guys! You all better watch carefully and not miss a beat!”

With minimal space available, Haruhi did their best to explain and demonstrate the actions to the dances they could remember as the others paid close attention. They practiced as the opening taiko performance played, Haruhi giving key pointers as well as warning them that they might become separated during the dances.

“I think I’m going to mess up these actions big time. Was it a step with the left or right foot first, again?” Tamaki looked to Haruhi for help, feeling a tad silly that he couldn’t keep the order straight in his head.

“The right foot, Tamaki-senpai. Don’t worry about messing up the steps too much though. Remember, it’s all about having fun!”

Haruhi’s smile made Tamaki’s heart skip a beat as they spoke and blood rose to his cheeks, painting them a nice, bright red. The ever-outgoing Host Club King could only bring himself to nod as Haruhi tried once more to explain the actions. Though he listened carefully, the tutorial was cut off by a very loud man announcing that the fun was about to start.

“Is everybody ready?” came a booming voice, pausing to give the crowd a moment to cheer in reply. “Alright! Here we go everyone! 3 - 2 - 1, leeeeet’sss begin!”

Enthusiasm surrounded the yagura as Haruhi and their friends danced together, the atmosphere amplified by so many others also enjoying themselves. The first few songs were slower in tempo, the crowd moving in a circle around the yagura as they danced. Everyone watched Haruhi as they led the group at the front, doing their best not to hit anyone in the face with their sleeves or step on someone’s toes. After some time there was a bit of a free dance, which allowed everyone to jam out as they liked. Although standing in the middle of the crowd was quite warm, everyone held it together, having a good time as they danced and laughed to the beat of the music.

To start, the group had managed to stay together, but they were eventually separated as the dances became more hectic, Tamaki finding himself amidst unfamiliar—albeit exuberant—faces. He had met a few of his friends so far, matched up with Kyoya as well as the twins during the group dance. He was honestly having fun, watching the demonstrators so as to not mess up the actions too terribly. That was, until Tamaki switched places with his dance partner, turned around, and realized who his new partner would be.

“H-Haruhi?!”

“Oh hi Tamaki-senpai! Looks like we’ll be partners for a bit!”*

Tamaki could feel his blood run hot as his cheeks flushed red, his actions turning clunky and disjointed. He was too worried about messing up big time in front of his crush, of all people, though he did his best to keep on dancing to cover it up.

“Are you enjoying yourself so far, Tamaki-senpai?”

“M-mhm.”

Haruhi’s expressions of delight as they moved along to the music eased Tamaki’s nerves immensely, allowing him to enjoy the moment too. Even though he was certain that he had made a few mistakes, he had forgotten all about trying to be perfect and let himself smile and laugh.

“Sha!” They shouted in synchronization, laughing together as they continued to dance. This moment was the most amount of fun Tamaki had experienced in a long time, apart from club activities. As the night progressed, he was truly thankful that Haruhi had invited them to the festival that night, because he was making priceless memories with the people he felt happiest around.

As the dancing continued, people joined in and left as they pleased, each Host Club member making their way out of the crowd once exhausted and convening at the meetup spot they had decided upon earlier. Now only waiting for Haruhi, the other members talked amongst themselves as they did their best to keep cool in the humid evening air.

“Sorry you guys! Every time I tried to leave, the crowd kept pulling me back in!” Haruhi panted, relieved to have escaped the suffocating air of the dances. They quickly opened the bottle of water they had run to buy once free, taking a long swig to rehydrate themself.

“You wouldn’t think it, but dancing around like that sure builds up a sweat!” Tamaki said as he wiped his brow with a cloth. Kyoya and the twins did their best to beat the humidity by waving fans in one other’s direction. On the other hand, Mori and Honey seemed to be the only ones who were not tired, their endurance built up from martial arts training preparing them for such high-energy activities.

“Well, should we make our way over to the fireworks?” Haruhi prompted as they finished quenching their thirst.

“It would be best to get going before it becomes too congested.” Kyoya tucked his fan into his sleeve, the twins continuing to bask in the cold air provided by their own.

“Where’s the best place to watch from, Haruhi?”

“The fireworks happen over the river, right?” Kaoru explained, answering his brother’s question. “If we get close enough to see its reflection it’ll be a beautiful show.”

“You’re right, Kaoru. Follow me! I know just the spot.” Haruhi began to walk down the gravel path towards the river, followed close behind by the others. A few lanterns lit the way, but for the most part it was dark, the sun having set a while ago. Given that it was a clear night, it surely would be an excellent fireworks show under the stars.

Haruhi did know of a great spot to watch the fireworks; however, it appeared they weren’t the only ones to have that idea. A small crowd had already started to form along that section of the river, forcing the group to stand back, away from the river bank.

“Ooh I can’t see, everyone’s too tall!”

“Here, Mitsukuni.” Mori moved before Honey could respond and hoisted the boy up to sit on his shoulders. Now he towered over the crowd and had the best seat in the house.

“Thanks, Takashi! Look Usa-chan, now we’ll be able to see all the fireworks!” Honey cheered as he rested his chin on the plush rabbit’s head.

Off in the distance the dances continued, the music adding to the already excited air as people chatted with one another. The group talked amongst themselves, discussing how fun it might be to hold a summer event like this for the Host Club. However, as the wait was drawn out, the chattering wavered almost uneasily. Now and again a small child protested, questioning or upset with the nervous energy. Haruhi could see the anxious anticipation in the set of the twins’ eyes and the way Honey-senpai slouched atop Mori-senpai's shoulders. Even Kyoya and Tamaki seemed a tad restless, the vice president cleaning off his glasses with the speed of a turtle as their King looked out over the river in a daydream-like state.

Just as the feeling of impatience started to feel too heavy, the first firework rang out with a bang, immediately drawing the eager crowd's attention from the dark where they’d been waiting. It lit up the sky and created a beautiful reflection in the lake below, leaving everyone breathless as more and more fireworks were set off.

“Look at those ones Hikaru! It’s like they’re sizzling!”

“Fireworks sure have become fancier since we were little, huh Kaoru?”

“I wonder how much a show like this would cost to have for the Host Club… hmm…” Kyoya mused to himself, making a mental note to jot down later.

The fireworks glistened over the water with every loud bang, lighting up the sky with sparkles and excitement. Haruhi let a gasp fall from their lips as an especially high firework burst in the sky, changing colors from yellow to blue as it dispersed. Amazed at the sight, Haruhi leaned so far back to see it that their head brushed against Tamaki’s arm, pulling the other’s attention away from the show. He looked down at Haruhi, watching as their eyes lit up at every firework, wondering what they were thinking.

“The fireworks sure are spectacular, aren’t they, Haruhi?”

“Yeah… I’m glad we could watch them together. It was fun to hang out with everyone outside of our Host Club activities.” They paused for a moment, trying to collect their feelings as a rainbow of color exploded before their eyes. “I really appreciate you all coming out tonight, too.”

‘I think my mom also had a good evening.’ They thought to themself as they watched every color imaginable dance across the dark canvas of night sky. Haruhi’s previous comment drew Tamaki’s attention for a concentrated moment before he looked back up, watching as the sky was decorated with bright oranges and fiery reds which were very reminiscent of the festival. He almost missed what Haruhi said as the grand finale started, their voice drowned out by the loud booms and cheers from the crowd.

“We should all definitely hang out like this more often.”

Despite the surrounding darkness, there was just enough light from the spectacle above that Tamaki could make out the smile that bloomed across Haruhi’s face.

“I think that’s a great idea. What do you say, you guys?” Tamaki looked at everyone around him before lifting his gaze, his next words unheard as the other members remained absorbed in the firework show.

“Let’s make lots more memories together in the future.”

Thank you for reading! This project was an absolute delight to be a part of and I will hold this experience near and dear to my heart!

Definitions for some less familiar terms!

Geta: A Japanese wooden shoe. Obi: Sash worn around a kimono. Obon: Summer festival originating in Buddhist customs. Taiyaki, ikayaki: Popular Japanese foods. Yagura: Wooden tower structure often found in Japanese castles. Nagadou-daiko: Elongated taiko drum.

for @elizabroadwaytrash and i

Current word count :

40,813

Basic summary:

Tyler and Ethan’s family goes through a lot of changes following their marriage. They lose people, take others in, and new journeys are ventured on every day, no matter how scary or exciting.

Title? WIP? Alternate titles?

“Leave a Message.”

Yes, it is a work-in-progress.

I don’t believe we had any alternative titles, and if we did, I do not recall them.

Favorite character and how they are introduced:

Tyler. He’s introduced at the beginning of the first chapter, seen before anyone else.

Favorite ship:

Rose/Victor! I haven’t gotten to writing their relationship and build-up, but from our plans and how we’ve designed Victor’s character to be, I’m excited.

MC’s biggest mistake:

Rose is probably more of an MC than the others, despite it being a Tyler/Ethan fanfic.

Her biggest mistake was probably refusing to give up on Carter. While he was her boyfriend, his actions toward her (and later, Jazzy) were unacceptable after she came out to him. She isn’t to blame at all, but it’s definitely the thing she regrets most.

Inspiration:

A webcomic on Webtoon called “Always Human.” The comic explores the events happening to the girls Sunati and Austen throughout the course of their relationship. Beautiful art, realistic problems (despite being set in a futuristic utopian society), representation, and well-written romance. I wanted to incorporate these factors into LaM to make it similar to a story I enjoyed very much that left an influence on me.

Underrated character appreciation:

Jazzy! Rose’s best friend. Even in the separate story where she’s one of the main set of characters, she’s still very overlooked. She’s very upbeat and friendly, with lots of knowledge on wlw pop culture and history!

A few favorite dialogues:

“I’m ready, but we’re not in a rush or anything.” “Of course we’re in a rush, you slut! The sooner you guys get married, the sooner you have kids, and the sooner I’m an uncle!“ “Aren’t you occupied enough as it is? If you’re so involved in the idea of having a family, then why haven’t you and Jack had any kids of your own yet?“ “Don’t roast us like this.”

(spoken angrily) “Hey, Mister, that’s my soup!”

“That’s Amy! She’s probably Chica and Henry’s favorite out of all of us, but WE SHOULD REALLY SHARE CUSTODY OF HENRY.”

“Uh, I like to read, mostly, but watching older cartoons is also fun.” “Ooh. What cartoons do you like?” “My current favorite is Adventure Time!” “Adventure Time is considered an older cartoon now?” “Guess so.” “Damn, we’re getting old.” “We’re already old, dude.” “Thanks I feel worse.”

“What kind of cancer is it again?” “Leukemia.” “The survival chances of that aren’t terrible.” “Wow. Thanks.”

“You punched Jazzy?! You fucking punched Jazzy?! What the fuck is wrong with you?! Why would you punch someone for standing up to you when you were the one being a dick?!” “She wouldn’t get out of my face—” “I don’t wanna hear that bullshit! Carter, you can hurt me all you fucking want and I won’t care, but you’ve crossed the fucking line. Jazzy is the only person that’s been nice to me all year. She’s supported me and loved me no matter what, something you never fucking did!” “What the hell are you—” “We’re done, Carter! I never want to see your ugly transphobic douchebag ass again!”

MC moodboard:

N/A

MC’s fondest memory:

Probably when she was adopted. It was the most exciting day of her life, and lead down a journey of self-discovery.

In close second is the day she became friends with Jazzy. She was there for her when she needed her most.

Songs that remind of LaM or the characters:

“What About Us” by P!nk, probably definitely because it’s the song I used for Tyler and Ethan’s first dance.

“Leave a Message” by gnash, the song I named the book after! This one doesn’t need much of an explanation.

“Party Tattoos” by dodie. I plan to use this song in the closing chapter, sung by Rose.

Enjoy torturing the characters?

Not really, but I do it anyway. Good for character development, which there’s a lot of. But I don’t enjoy it, no. I love the characters in this book like my cat and dogs: with all my heart.

MC’s biggest fear:

Being unaccepted. This fear makes itself evident after what happens with Carter. Her mother’s reaction enforces this more.

Goals:

To finish LaM by the end of sophomore year, editing and all.

To be proud of the finished product.

To use this book as a reminder that I can do it. I can write.

Characters’ secret talents:

Ethan, despite not playing for many, many years, still excels at playing the ukulele. This becomes not so much of a secret later on in the book.

Rose is surprisingly good at tic-tac-toe. Not necessarily a talent, but definitely something she’d want you to note.

Turned into a media? Cast?

Seeing as LaM is a piece of fanwork, I don’t believe I would turn it into a media.

If it was to be a media, however, along with Tyler Scheid and Ethan Nestor to play Tyler and Ethan, as well as Mark Fischbach, Amy Nelson, and Kathryn Knutsen to play their friends, a few choices I would make would be to cast Janet Mock as adult Rose Scheid and Elliot Fletcher as adult Adrian Garcia.

MC’s basic morals and general beliefs:

Rose’s number one moral is to never make someone feel shut out. Having been rejected (as well as accepted) many times in her life, she knows that she never wants anyone to feel like that, and makes an effort to be the reason.

How MC found out the tooth fairy doesn’t exist:

She never really believed in it, to begin with.

Best name:

Jasmine “Jazzy” Hinojosa-Mills.

Least favorite OC:

Carter. Abusive transphobic asshat that left Rose with lots of insecurities and trauma for years to come.

Snippet:

Mark really had gone all out with making the altar just like Tyler had wanted it to look. The arch was made out of ebony wood that had been painted white with golden accents. Flowery vines were twirled all around the wood, the flowers colors of black, grey, purple, and blue. The chairs surrounding the aisle were all made of the same wood as the arch, the cushions blue and grey. Both Ethan and Tyler’s family alike filled those chairs, chattering away with one another. Tyler quickly scanned the side filled with Ethan’s relatives, and wasn’t surprised to see Ethan’s aunt and uncle were not present. He hoped to god that Ethan wouldn’t notice. The guests quieted down and turned their heads to look at Tyler, and he felt put on the spot. Most of the guests smiled at him, others clapped quietly. He could see that two people in particular were both smiling and clapping. Seeing Jack and Kathryn so supportive of him was majorly comforting to Tyler. He exhaled, and glanced at Mark behind him. Mark was already smiling, and nudged his head towards the arch. Tyler walked down the aisle and received praise from just about everyone sat in chairs. He high-fived Jack on his way to his place next to the officiant. The lady smiled at him, and he returned the gesture. She opened her book as Mark took his place next to Tyler, gazing over his friend’s tux and wiping off some dust quickly. Mark gave Tyler a thumbs-up, and Tyler couldn’t stop smiling. Now that he was actually out in front of the guests and standing where he was meant to be, his nerves relaxed. In fact, every thought he’d ever had in doubt of this marriage before that moment vanished, as soon as Ethan walked out.

WIP representation:

LGBT

Tyler/Ethan

Rose is trans

Jazzy is pansexual with two moms

Adrian is trans with two moms

Marcus has two dads

POC

Rose and her mother are black

Adrian and his mama are Mexican

Disabilities

Marcus has leukemia (cancer of the white blood cells)

Standalone or part of a series?

Standalone. Although I suppose you could call it a spinoff of one of our other works, the reader does not need to read that series to understand this story.

Biggest character development:

Definitely Rose. Seeing as the story follows the changes through most of her life, there’s a big difference in her character comparing the first chapter she is introduced to the closing chapter, where she takes center stage.

People who know of the WIP:

My co-writer, Caroline. Though I’ve done most of the writing, Caroline and I brought the idea for this story to life together, creating a unique cast of characters such as Jazzy, Rose, Adrian, Marcus, their families, Victor, Rose’s mother Aaliyah, and Ethan’s uncle Zane. Without her, the story would not have been written in the first place.

The lovely readers on AO3. I’ve uploaded chapters of the WIP onto there, updating at least once a month. It feels good to be putting some of my work out there for other people instead of just keeping such a joy all to myself. Of course, this is just a personal opinion.

Characters’ annoying habits:

Jazzy’s very short-tempered. Make one wrong move, anyone could get shouted at, lectured, maybe even a blow to the face.

Marcus feels a lot of self-pity and spite. He wishes his parents wouldn’t baby him so much just because he has cancer. This, later on, leads to him participating in multiple illegal activities to antagonize them.

Adrian grows to be more selfish as he gets older, even going out of his way to go into the military and disappear from Rose’s life out of the blue one day without telling her. He later regrets this.

Rose has plenty of autophobia to go around. After her mother gave her up to the orphanage at a young age and Carter’s abuse towards her in her late middle school years, followed by Adrian’s sudden leave after high school, she always fears being alone or abandoned by the people she cares about.

Tyler and Ethan both never seem to recover from the grief of their first child’s loss. This makes them closed off to people who ask about the incident, and could sometimes bring them back to their depressive state.

Very last three lines (with context):

“Unsure was she on how to approach this. She’d felt it since that first night she met him, but it’d grown more and more out of hand since. They’d also became closer as friends, even now sometimes hanging out without the needed assistance of Marcus and Jazzy by their sides to ease the tension.”

Context: Rose had just come to the conclusion she had a crush on Adrian.

Characters: Based off IRL people(through looks, personality, or habits)?

Tyler, Ethan, Amy, Kathryn, Mark, Jack, Chica, Henry, and all of the parents in the story are based off IRL influencers. The characters have only been switched and changed a bit, as well as the relationships, of course, to fit the story.

Impossible friendship:

Carter and Jazzy. Don’t really need to explain it if you’ve read the work. They hate each other’s guts more than anyone, and they could never kiss and make up. As characters, they aren’t the types to do that at all, especially with each other.

Am I proud?

Yes. Leave a Message has been my most dedicated piece of work so far, and I’d say I’m well on my way to reaching my personally-set deadline next year if I keep it at the rate I’m going. Not to mention the characters and plotlines are exciting and realistic, in my own opinion. There’s still a lot left to be written, but I’ve got everything planned out. I don’t plan on stopping until I’m finished with it.

Episode 95: Gem Hunt

“I don’t want you fighting this thing alone.”

I mentioned in my Monster Reunion post that it’s been ages since we’ve had an episode about fighting a Corrupted Gem. The latest examples are Rising Tides, Crashing Skies as a cameo and Reformed as an episode focus, but neither involves an actual mission: the former takes place on the beach, and the latter in the Temple. If we want to look back at a true Season 1-style Gem Hunt, we have to actually go to Season 1: the last episode that featured the Crystal Gems going out into the world with the express purpose of fighting a Corrupted Gem is Island Adventure, sixty-five episodes ago, and that was only the first act of the story.

There are plenty of reasons for this. After Monster Buddies and Ocean Gem the idea of beating up Gem variants that can be friendly and used to be just like the Crystal Gems seemed a lot less fun. After Mirror Gem, the show became more serialized and the need for monster-of-the-week episodes dwindled. After Peridot’s arrival, we got new sentient opponents to worry about until Keeping It Together, where Cluster Gems began standing in for Corrupted Gems. But regardless, the result of this gap is that Gem Hunt gets to feel like a wonderful mixture of old and new: it almost tricks you into thinking this is a throwback to early self-contained missions, until serialized drama barrels in and rips the monster of the week apart.

Gem Hunt wasn’t written with the knowledge that Season 3 would air almost in its entirety within the span of a month, or that this event would be called the Summer of Steven, but relocating to the Great North plays excellently off of these circumstances. With so many episodes coming one after the other, it’s good to have an obvious break from the less arc-driven stories of late, and the snowy environment immediately contrasted with the season of the show and the season of the year. Even before Jasper comes in out of nowhere to reveal the start of an arc, this story feels like a new beginning.

I had to rewatch a few times for this review to get back into the headspace of not knowing the twist, because I forgot how unexpected Jasper was. Maybe some people guessed it, but Steven and Connie only discuss corruption (which Jasper is not yet associated with) and her name isn’t even mentioned before she arrives; contrast with The Message, which gives us a whole song about Lapis Lazuli to set the stage for our “twist,” and Message Received, featuring Peridot gushing about Yellow Diamond in the first act. There isn’t even any fanfare to Jasper’s arrival: she lunges into frame, back turned to the camera, in the middle of our last fight scene. Watching Gem Hunt with the knowledge that she’s coming makes her appearance a little underwhelming, because she just sorta shows up. I frankly don’t remember how shocked I was that she was the humanoid Steven and Connie were tracking, but I wouldn’t be surprised if this scene’s execution was responsible for my lack of concrete “oh wow!” memories.  

That said, Jasper’s arrival does fit with the episode’s unusual structure: even back when missions were the norm, we never had an episode that exclusively consisted of a single outing. There have always been introductions framing our quest (like Cheeseburger Backpack or An Indirect Kiss), or episodes beginning in media res that cut back to Beach City (like Steven’s Lion and Arcade Mania). The closest we’ve had to a full episode mission is Serious Steven, but that includes flashbacks to Funland. Gem Hunt is all set from the start, and the result is an adventure that gets a lot of detail but an episode that speeds right on by. It’s crazy to think that Gem Hunt and, say, Steven and the Stevens are the same length, going by how much stuff happens in each episode: one has a time travel plot and a clone plot and a band plot and several songs, and the other is one long trek through the snow.

While this structure leaves plenty of time for the ending to not feel abrupt, it’s still clearly the start of something big, and in retrospect this feels like an especially complete place-setting episode. But in the moment, it’s a mystery episode! The promo art featuring our leads wearing their Hanna-Barbera Best isn’t the only reference to Scooby-Doo we get: Connie suggests that the gang split up early on, and both kids reference monster suits and property disputes while sipping pine needle tea. We begin by tracking a monster, learn something weird is going on, and investigate. We even get a red herring! It’s basic, but it does wonders for the pacing to always have a concrete goal in mind.

This is what separates Gem Hunt from, say, Open Book. We’re not meandering despite the longer-than-usual scenes and a plot that’s largely about two buds hanging out. We know throughout that we’re going somewhere, which makes me enjoy the former more than the latter even though the latter has a better twist in Connterfeit and a more emotionally compelling climax when Connterfeit forces Steven to come clean about embarrassing emotions. It doesn’t matter how good your destination is if I get sorta bored along the way, and for all of Gem Hunt’s simplicity, I never find it boring.

Granted, a major advantage Gem Hunt has over Open Book is that this Connie is real throughout, which allows her to be an utter delight. Applying the Maheswaran Code of Safety to tracking down and fighting a monster with a giant sword, she takes a character trait that might turn her into an annoying worrywart and instead spends the episode dorking out about survival. Of course she’s basing her actions on a book, this is a girl who went from reading fantasy literature to living a literal fantasy. She’s more role-playing an adventurer than being one, as evidenced by her zealous overpreparation. This nerd’s over here thinking about scurvy an hour into a hike.

And thank goodness Steven is all aboard, because if this episode would suck if it was about Connie being a know-it-all and competing with Steven. Steven invites her enthusiasm without any ridiculous character beats like being worried about his place in the team (more on that coming soon from a more realistic place courtesy of Amethyst) or arrogantly shutting down her ideas. These are two friends on a fun journey, so Connie’s bravado and Steven’s go-with-the-flow attitude are just what we need.

The climax neatly cuts both ways on Connie’s attitude. She loses her composure for a bit and is hard on herself afterwards, but she still gets to show off her training without going overboard. Pearl might not have to do much, but Connie does the right thing in calling for help as soon as she’s able to do so. 

I’m hesitant to theorize that this connection is intentional, but I think Connie’s first mission ending in her calling for help (and getting rewarded for it) is a cool lens to examine her anger with Steven in the Breakup Arc after he leaves her behind on Earth for the second time in one season. Gem Hunt might breeze on by for us, but as Connie’s first mission it’s bound far more impactful for her than it is for Steven and Pearl, and the lesson she learned from it is to let people help you. Steven taking the fall for everyone is the exact opposite of what she does here.

Comedy flows freely among all three of our leads—my favorite gag is Pearl reminding the kids that humans need food, she really is the world’s most maternal alien—but the third act entrance cleverly mines that humor for drama. Pearl’s nervous chatting over the walkie talkie comes back to bite the kids when she won’t stop yelling out of their speaker and alerting the Corrupted Gem to their presence, and we can hear that her jokey smugness from “Who’s your favorite Gem?” has crumbled from anxiety with time. Steven’s photography begins as a joke, and breaks the tension when he snaps a shot of Jasper mid-intimidation, but that picture returns us to a state of dread to end the episode. Efficiency might not seem as crucial in an episode with so much time to breathe, but you’ll never see me complaining about a story skillfully repurposing its material. 

Still, I wouldn’t quite call this a comedy-centric episode, and not just because it’s primarily a mystery. Connie gets more focus than Steven, but he has plenty of time to remind us that he’s still thinking about Nephrite and all the other Corrupted Gems he could be helping by talking to Connie about it. What could have served as a rote reminder of Corrupted Gems turns into a plot point, as his desperation for signs of hope causes them to assume the humanoid tracks are from a Corrupted Gem trying to heal. But its larger importance, as usual, is its development of our characters. 

Steven isn’t as gung-ho about fighting monsters as he was at the beginning of the show, and sees this mission as a way of helping someone who’s hurt rather than ridding the world of a threat. And Connie isn’t as emotionally distant as she was at the beginning of the show, sensing how bothered Steven is by corruption and asking if he’s okay. After the enjoyable but blunt Greg the Babysitter, it’s wonderful to see how much these kids have grown and bonded without the episode shouting “HEY CHECK IT OUT THESE KIDS HAVE GROWN AND BONDED” at us.

Gem Hunt works well as a transitional episode, borrowing elements from Monster Reunion and Alone at Sea and allowing Steven and Connie’s growing competency to form the basis of Amethyst’s angst in Crack the Whip. But it does what I believe Super Watermelon Island and Gem Drill failed to do: it tells its own story first, and allows its role as a pivot point to come second. It means that things aren’t as overtly different afterwards as they were when Malachite defused and the Cluster was dealt with, but if that makes for a better episode, I’ll take it.

Future Vision!

It’s nifty that I wrote this episode the same week that Escapism aired, because it allowed me to immediately identify the Protes bar Connie brought to space. She’s still prepared, folks!

If every pork chop were perfect, we wouldn’t have inconsistencies…

Both this episode and I are aware that references to “Connie’s first mission” are talking about her role as a swordswoman, but it’s still a little strange that nobody brings up her tagging along with the Crystal Gems (and Greg) and Ocean Gem. 

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

This is a borderline episode for sure, because I enjoy it, but in the end it still feels a little too light to rank higher than a like. Which may sound odd considering my top two episodes, but I mean light in terms of that structure rather than the episode’s weight in regards to the greater plot: this may be a terrific episode about Steven and Connie hanging out and adventuring, but it lacks that oomph factor to make me truly love it. Fortunately it’s not a consolation prize to “only” be an episode I like. 

Top Fifteen

Steven and the Stevens

Hit the Diamond

Mirror Gem

Lion 3: Straight to Video

Alone Together

The Return

Jailbreak

The Answer

Sworn to the Sword

Rose’s Scabbard

Mr. Greg

Coach Steven

Giant Woman

Beach City Drift

Winter Forecast

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon

Bubble Buddies

Tiger Millionaire

Lion 2: The Movie

Rose’s Room

An Indirect Kiss

Ocean Gem

Space Race

Garnet’s Universe

Warp Tour

The Test

Future Vision

On the Run

Maximum Capacity

Marble Madness

Political Power

Full Disclosure

Joy Ride

Keeping It Together

We Need to Talk

Chille Tid

Cry for Help

Keystone Motel

Catch and Release

When It Rains

Back to the Barn

Steven’s Birthday

It Could’ve Been Great

Message Received

Log Date 7 15 2

Same Old World

The New Lars

Monster Reunion

Alone at Sea

Like ‘em

Gem Glow

Frybo

Arcade Mania

So Many Birthdays

Lars and the Cool Kids

Onion Trade

Steven the Sword Fighter

Beach Party

Monster Buddies

Keep Beach City Weird

Watermelon Steven

The Message

Open Book

Story for Steven

Shirt Club

Love Letters

Reformed

Rising Tides, Crashing Tides

Onion Friend

Historical Friction

Friend Ship

Nightmare Hospital

Too Far

Barn Mates

Steven Floats

Drop Beat Dad

Too Short to Ride

Restaurant Wars

Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service

Greg the Babysitter

Gem Hunt

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack

Together Breakfast

Cat Fingers

Serious Steven

Steven’s Lion

Joking Victim

Secret Team

Say Uncle

Super Watermelon Island

Gem Drill

No Thanks!

     5. Horror Club      4. Fusion Cuisine      3. House Guest      2. Sadie’s Song      1. Island Adventure

You’re Like Coming Home

Sorry it’s so late, but I hope you enjoy your fic @blush-and-books​! It was so fun being your secret santa, Chloe! <3

This turned out so differently from what I planned/expected, but I hope it lives up to your prompt! :)

Read on AO3 or below the cut:

Kirsten smoothed out her light pink blouse, took one last glance in the mirror and walked to the front door of her house. She glanced around, but she was alone. “Camille?” She called. No response. Kirsten peeked her head into Camille’s bedroom where she found Camille passed out on the bed, still in the previous night’s clothes.

Kirsten flipped on the lightswitch and nearly shouted, “Camille!”

Camille startled. “I’m awake! Geez!”

“We’re late.” Kirsten stated matter-of-factly.

“Give me five minutes!” Camille hopped out of bed, and exactly five minutes later she emerged with fresh makeup, her hair pulled back in a twist, and a fresh shirt. Kirsten raised her eyebrows and gave a slight nod of approval.

The drive to Les Turner High School from their house wasn’t long, but Camille always felt the need to fill those few minute with noise. Unfortunately for Kirsten, this morning Camille’s fixation was on her instead of the newest Ariana Grande single.

“All I’m saying is lately you’ve taken an interest in being early. Every. Single Day. Part o the reason I wanted to be your roommate is because you’re as bad at time management as me,” Camille talked, gesturing with one hand while she drove with the other.

“I think it’s important to set a good example for our students with the new school year,” Kirsten answered.

“Okay. Keep telling yourself that.”

Once inside the school, Kirsten made a beeline for the teacher’s lounge with Camille in tow. Kirsten grabbed a paper cup and filled it with steaming coffee. She took a sip, scrunched up her face and began pouring sugar into the cup. A figure stepped up beside them, thermos in hand.

“Well if it isn't Mr. Lookin’ Goodkin himself,” Camille deadpanned.

“Will you please drop it?” Cameron begged.

“We’ll never not say it,” Kirsten said joining in. “Honestly, I can’t believe a group of students beat us to that nickname.”

“It’s not even that clever,” Cameron said.

“Or accurate,” Kirsten shoved Cameron playfully.

Cameron said, “You wound me, right in my sensitive heart.”

“Oh please. You had that surgery over fifteen years ago,” Kirsten said, adding more sugar to her cup.

“Aw how sweet,” Camille wrinkled her nose in disgust.

“It’s actually quite bitter,” Kirsten said, eyes trained on her cup.

“You’re playing dumb? Cute. Now move, Mama needs her energy juice.” Camille pushed between Cameron and Kirsten.

Cameron’s cheeks reddened, and he glanced over Camille’s head to Kirsten, who had finally looked up. They watched each other silently for a minute before Cameron finally headed towards the door while saying, “You coming, Stretch?”

“Now who’s using nicknames?” Kirsten asked, following him into the hallway.

“It’s a term of endearment. You and Camille were making fun of me. They’re completely different.”

“Right. Of course.”

“I’m being serious.”

“I know you are.”

As they rounded the corner to the Math and Science hall, kids suddenly filled the hallways and the noise level increased exponentially.

One of the students called out over the noise, “Hi, Mr. Goodkin! Hey, Ms. Clark!”

“Hi, Damon,” Cameron said with a nod towards the boy. The girls standing near him waggled their eyebrows suggestively.

“Nope. Don’t do that,” Cameron said as he passed by, which caused the kids to giggle. They reached Kirsten and Cameron’s classrooms, which were located right next to each other.

“Lunch at Jade’s?” Kirsten asked.

“I’m in,” Cameron answered.

“I’ll come too,” Camille said, reaching her classroom across the hall from Kirsten’s.

Linus came out of his classroom and said, “I’ll be there. What are we talking about?”

“Lunch. At Jade’s,” Camille filled him in.

“Apparently it’s the more the merrier today,” said Cameron.

“Is that a problem, Cameron?” Camille asked, her smile mischievous and a little less than friendly.

“No, not at all.”

RIIINNNNGGGG. The morning bell sounded as the last few students scurried into their respective classrooms.

Lunch at Jade’s that afternoon quickly became routine for Kirsten, Cameron, Camille, and Linus, often with Tim the physics teacher, Ayo the health teacher, Chelsea the English teacher, and Alex the art teacher joining them. Occasionally the football coach and part-time history teacher, Coach Quincy Fisher would join them, but he usually took his lunch with Principal Baptiste. As the semester wore on and teachers got behind on grading and involved with extracurricular activities, the group dwindled; however, Kirsten and Cameron always ate lunch together. It was likely due to this and their constant banter between classes that caught their students’ attention.

Several students sat in the back row of desks whispering and muffling giggles.

“Kyle, Emma, and Sally. Would you like to share with the class what’s so funny back there?” Kirsten asked. That shut them up.

Kyle and Sally remained quiet, but Emma said, “We’re taking bets on when you and Mr. Goodkin will finally get together.” Kyle’s eyes bugged out of his head. The rest of the class snickered.

“I want in on that bet!” Allison called from the front of the room.

“Guys, there is nothing going on between Mr. Goodkin and me. Most of the time, he’s just annoying,” Kirsten said.

“Annoyingly charming!” One of the students chimed.

Kirsten’s cheeks flushed, and she sighed in frustration while her students burst into laughter. “Okay, okay. Calm down. Now let’s get back to derivatives. Can anyone tell me what a derivative does?”

At lunch that afternoon, Kirsten broached the subject of the bet.

“My students talk about it all the time, too,” Cameron admitted.

“It’s completely ridiculous,” Kirsten said, grabbing a pot sticker off Cameron’s plate and stuffing the whole thing in her mouth.

“Oh, yes. Completely ridiculous,” Camille said, voice dripping with sarcasm. This was one of the rare fall days where Camille and Linus had been able to join them at Jade’s.

“Well it is,” Kirsten said defensively.

“For being the two smartest people at school, you two sure are dumb when it comes to your feel-,” Linus said.

“Can we just drop it?” Cameron interrupted. They did indeed drop it, but what Camille and Linus had said weighed on them throughout the rest of lunch and into the afternoon. Their banter was stiff and eye contact was awkward at best.

After school let out, all the teachers had a faculty meeting. They sat in the uncomfortable chairs in the library while Principal Baptiste stood at the helm. Maggie wore one of her signature power suits- fitted blazer, matching pencil skirt, and stilettos that could kill a man- her dress an ample metaphor for her personality. She was known throughout the school district for being a hardass, but a hardass that got results.

“The first order of business is the Homecoming Dance this Friday night. The decorating committee is led by the pep squad and their faculty advisor, but we need more volunteers for chaperoning the dance itself.” Maggie paused, waiting for a response. As the silence grew, her arched eyebrow inched higher.

“Kirsten just said that she would do it,” Camille called from the back of the library.

“Excellent Ms. Clark,” Maggie said. She clearly didn’t care who volunteered whom, just that chaperones were assigned.

“But I didn’t-” Kirsten started.

“Just a couple more names should do it,” Maggie talked over her.

“Cameron and I will chaperone!” Linus enthused.

“Perfect. Moving on,” Maggie said, not even allowing Cameron to protest either.

So there Kirsten stood, hugging the walls of the gymnasium decorated with several hundred twinkling lights, wearing one of Camille’s short dresses, and a diamond necklace hung around her neck, drawing attention to her pronounced collarbones. As a chaperone, her main job was to make sure none of the teenagers started making out or hooking up. She grabbed a plastic cup and filled it with Goldfish crackers, mildly zoning out on the students’ activities. For the most part, chaperoning had been pretty boring. Until Cameron walked in, dressed in a perfectly fitted tux.

He spotted Kirsten and headed her way. “Hey.”

“You’re late.”

“Got stuck in traffic. But I brought you something to say ‘Sorry.’” Cameron pulled a corsage from behind his back. He glanced up at her, eyebrows raised as if asking for permission. She stuck her arm out in response, and he slid the flowers onto her wrist. He had a matching boutonniere pinned to his lapel. Cameron moved to stand beside Kirsten. They stood motionless and quiet, the few inches between them simultaneously not nearly enough and far too many.

The upbeat music faded out, and a slow song came on. Single students stood awkwardly on the sides, while couples hugged each other closer. Cameron reached out his palm. “May I have this dance, Ms. Clark?”

“Of course you may, Mr. Goodkin,” Kirsten said, placing her hand in his. Cameron lead her towards the dance floor, releasing her hand when they got there in favor of her waist. She wrapped her arms over his shoulders, and they swayed slowly with the music. They heard several poorly concealed “oohs” from their students, but chose to ignore them and continued dancing. As the song progressed, they got increasingly closer, doing the very thing they were supposed to prevent the students from doing. They held each other’s gaze for the duration of the dance, communicating more with their eyes than could possibly be said with words.

I’d die for you.

I know. I’d die without you.

I know. I love you.

I know.

They startled apart when Principal Baptiste approached and called out, “Ms. Clark, Mr. Goodkin, follow me.” She turned around and power walked out of the gym in her stiletto pumps. Kirsten and Cameron shared wide-eyed glances before scrambling to follow Maggie through the throng of students.

“We have a student unconscious and throwing up in the bathroom. I need you two to stay with her until the ambulance arrives and then accompany her to the hospital. Her family will meet you there,” Maggie said as soon as they reached the relative quiet of the hallway. “We’ll discuss the two of you later,” she continued.

They nodded before rushing into the bathroom to take over from Coach Fisher who looked like he was about to throw up himself. Kirsten wet a paper towel and pressed it onto the girl’s forehead while Cameron sat beside the girl, keeping her rolled over on her side. They cleaned the girl up as best they could, and they wiped up the vomit nearest her face.

The paramedics arrived and took over the girl’s care, strapping her onto a stretcher and escorting her to the ambulance. Cameron and Kirsten followed close behind. They jumped in Cameron’s Volvo and followed the ambulance all the way to the hospital. They rushed into the lobby and found the girl’s family in the waiting room. One of the medics was talking to them.

“We’re running a toxicology report to see if she may have overdosed or gotten alcohol poisoning. Does she have a history of seizures or using illicit drugs or alcohol?” The medic said.

“No. Not that we’re aware of,” the mousy mother said.

The medic turned to Cameron and Kirsten and said, “Thank you for your help at the school.”

“No problem,” Cameron said.

“Thank you,” the father echoed, voice gruff and short as he held back the tears welling up in his already reddened eyes.

“You’re welcome,” Kirsten said.

“We’ll get out of your hair,” Cameron said before leading Kirsten back to the car.

Once they were seated, Kirsten said quietly, “Thank you for taking me to my first school dance.”

“Oh, no. The night’s not over yet. It’s not homecoming without going out for awful breakfast food afterwards. You ever been to Al’s Waffle Palace?” Cameron asked.

“No, but I feel like that’s about to change whether I want it to or not,” Kirsten joked.

“That settles that, Cupcake. Prepare yourself for a truly unique, though not necessarily good, experience.” With that, Cameron pulled out of the parking lot.

Twenty minutes later, Kirsten and Cameron sat opposite each other in a booth at Al’s Waffle Palace, the harsh fluorescent lighting as far from romantic as one could get. The cook leaned over the counter and asked, “What’ll you have?”

Kirsten flipped the laminated menu over, skimming the options. Cameron placed his hand on the menu, lowering it back to the table, and then he said, “We’ll have the breakfast special.”

“Coming right up,” the server said.

“I don’t think anything here is ‘special,’’ Kirsten whispered across the table.

“Have a little faith in the magic of copious amounts of grease and butter,” Cameron said in mock-seriousness.

Minutes later, the server delivered two plates of fluffy waffles, greasy bacon, and scrambled eggs with a bottle of maple syrup and assorted jellies and jams.

“This is it?” Kirsten asked in disbelief.

“Go ahead. Take a bite,” Cameron watched expectantly. Kirsten carefully cut a small slice of waffle and took a bite.

“Mmmmm,” she hummed happily.

“Now try it with a bite of egg and bacon all dipped in syrup,” Cameron said, demonstrating the stack with his own syrupy fork. Kirsten follows suit and hums once again.

“I thought you were really into fancy food,” Kirsten said.

“As a self-proclaimed foodie, I choose not to let any prejudice towards a meager establishment such as this prohibit me from enjoying something so delicious just because it is also something horrible,” Cameron said with a smirk.

“How progressive of you,” Kirsten said, her tone serious but her eyes glimmering.

After they finished their midnight breakfast, Cameron drove Kirsten back to her house. After he pulled into the driveway, Kirsten said, “Thanks again for tonight. It was really fun.”

“You’re welcome,” Cameron said softly.

“I’ll see you Monday,” Kirsten said as she opened the door and stepped out of the car.

“See you Monday,” Cameron echoed.

Kirsten turned and walked up to her front stoop, stopping to fish out her house key. Cameron grabbed her by the arm, spun her around, and kissed her. It was deep and soft and perfect. His hands moved to cup her face, and Kirsten wrapped her arms around him, fingers playing with the curls at the nape of his neck. It was over too quickly even though it had left Kirsten breathless, and from the looks of things, Cameron as well.

“You needed the perfect ending to your homecoming night,” Cameron finally said, cheeks still flushed from the kiss. Cameron turned and walked back to his car and drove away, leaving Kirsten frozen in front of her door for a minute before she finally found movement again.

As soon as she stepped into the living room, Camille pounced on her. “Weren’t you supposed to be the ones preventing people from hooking up tonight? Not actually hooking up?”

“We did not hook up. It was just a kiss,” Kirsten said.

“That was no mere kiss. Plus, the dance ended hours ago,” Camille argued.

“Which is why I’m exhausted and going to bed now,” Kirsten said, ignoring Camille’s prodding.

Monday morning came, and Maggie called Kirsten and Cameron into her office as promised. They hadn’t seen each other since the kiss, and they hadn’t talked either.

“Hi,” Cameron said, not quite meeting Kirsten’s gaze.

“Hi,” Kirsten echoed, bumping shoulders with him. This caused him to finally look up. Kirsten gave him a small smile before saying, “How much trouble do you think we’re in?”

“Knowing Maggie? Enough,” Cameron answered.

They stepped into Maggie’s office and sat down opposite her.  

She immediately jumped in saying, “Took you long enough. I bet you’d be together by the end of the first quarter. So now I’m out fifty bucks. Thanks for that, by the way.”

“Sorry?” Cameron asked.

“No, not sorry. This whole bet was ridiculous.” Kirsten hedged.

“In all seriousness, though, I expect complete professionalism between 8am and 3pm. And I need you to promise me that if things don’t work out between you that it won’t adversely affect your jobs in any way,” Maggie said.

“Of course.” Kirsten nodded.

“You got it!” Cameron said a little too enthusiastically.

“Dismissed,” Maggie said. She picked the papers up that she’d been reading before Kirsten and Cameron stepped into her office. But she still had a faint smile on her face as they scurried out of her office.

Kirsten glanced at the clock on the wall in the front hallway. 7:47. She grabbed Cameron’s hand and pulled him towards the Science hallway.

Cameron glanced down at their intertwined hands.

“What are you doing?”

“Come on, we have thirteen minutes. These are classic tropes we’re living out right now. Hot for teacher?”

“Oh my god,” Cameron said before pressing Kirsten up against the nearest set of lockers and kissing her.

He pulled back to catch his breath, and Kirsten whispered, “You’re like coming home.”