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gepardling · 11 months

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ok FLUFF REQUEST TIME!! Gepard in a relationship with an actor(ess)!reader. I can imagine him trying his best to see every play and if he doesn't, he'll at least send flowers and whatnot. In regards to the reader, I believe they would understand and knows that he can't go to every single one of their plays. In short, I wanna see cute fluffy relationship scenarios or headcanons with these two on and off of work. Maybe a lil bonus if the two live together :3

on the stage, behind the stage w/ gepard.

desc. : unironically i think u can tell i read oshi no ko b4 writing dis, n im so happy i did bc i feel it gave me a new perspective on dis topic !! i didnt go angsty on it tho bc we need fluff in dis household. i wrote headcanons nd a short lil bonus fic 4 u dis time :) ( wc : 1k )

tags / cw : sfw, just fluff, gn!reader, reader is part of an acting troupe, just casual relationship things, not proofread

○ Gepard makes it his top priority to see most, if not all, of your shows. There have been many nights where he’s had to cut it close with his frontline duties, showing up just in time to witness the closing act. He always makes sure to bring flowers, your favorite kind, of course, and it’s always a HUGE bunch of them. Bonus points if he grew them himself!

○ There were times when you'd perform consecutive nights in a row, and your house would soon run out of space to keep all the bouquets Gepard delivered. But don’t worry, you would talk to him about it if you move in together. There really is no need for him to spend this much money on you! Yet he always insists, and one way or another, your house will be filled with flowers again.

○ Every one of his soldiers would know if you ever did a musical play because Gepard will not stop humming your solo after he heard it the first time. He also diligently memorizes the lines of your duets after you accidentally sang one together while cooking, and now he can't get enough of singing with you. You both get good practice too! It's a win-win.

○ Naturally, your acting career can be demanding. This makes both you and Gepard busy people who are rarely at home. It only makes those moments you get to spend some private time together all the more special, seeking solace in each other’s embrace as you momentarily escape your responsibilities.

○ Gepard understands how overwhelming your work can be, constantly dealing with other people, their opinions, and expectations of you. That being said, he doesn’t "abuse" his position as captain, per se. He may be a little biased when he’s quick to shut down any negative commentary people make about you, but he wouldn’t have it any other way.

○ You don’t appreciate it when he hides those opinionated thoughts from you, but he's undeniably looking out for your mental health. Arguably, it’s slightly better this way too, and if you ever feel down or doubt yourself, he provides you with unwavering love and dedication.

○ He ensures you know that he’s not in love with you because of your talents or performance, but because he loves you for who you are. He greatly admires the passion you have and all the hours of hard work you put into acting, one of the many things that draw him to you.

○ Of course, life isn’t always perfect, and there are times when your schedules don’t align. If he has to leave for the frontlines before one of your concerts, he leaves you a letter of encouragement and a big bouquet on your dresser. He tries to see you before he has to leave as often as he can, but if you’re in dress rehearsals or learning a new script, there isn’t much he can do :((

○ On those rare occasions when he misses your performance before coming back home, there will always be a plate of warm food waiting for you, along with flowers or gifts that he personally gives you when you arrive or he picks you up from the theater, whichever comes first. He’s right by your side, listening intently as you recount the performance to him while you remove any remaining stage makeup.

○ This next one is purely food for thought, but if the acting troupe you’re with is relatively small and self-sufficient, Gepard would do his best to take up sewing to help you prepare or fix any costumes for performances. Sure, he breaks a ton of needles, and he’s probably not the best at it, but it’s cute that he tries so hard to lighten your workload while he’s just as busy himself...

You couldn’t help but nervously peak beyond the curtains, possibly the fifth time that night. The lights that shone on the stage glared so bright that everything beyond it seemed to melt into a sea of darkness, the faces of the audience obscured by the void. The final act of the show was about to come to a close, possibly the pinnacle of your acting career, but Gepard was still nowhere to be seen.

Tonight was the last performance of this play, and Gepard, despite promising to be there for the first show, was still missing. A stagehand tapping on your shoulder brought your mind back from the shadows, and you realized you had been biting your nails unconsciously. With only two more minutes before stepping on stage, you needed to clear your mind for a good performance.

You pushed aside negative thoughts and swallowed your doubts, preparing yourself to step onto the stage. The scene required you to portray relief and joy as the protagonist reunites with their estranged lover after a challenging journey. However, an emptiness lingered in your heart, making it harder to wear the mask.

As the curtains rose, you squinted slightly against the blinding lights. The deafening roar of the audience rang painfully in your ears. Yet, as a professional, you knew you had to play the part. With one last gulp, you forced yourself into character, banishing any wavering nerves from your voice.

Just moments before the climax of the scene, a distant shuffling in the back of the theater caught your attention. Through the haze of darkness, you could vaguely make out the figure of a person who had just arrived. Your heart surged with relief when you realized it was none other than Gepard. His disheveled hair and slightly worn uniform were evidence of his haste.

When his eyes met yours, the light returned to your gaze, and your heart soared. If not for the arrival of your fellow actor on set, you might have forgotten your lines. The timing couldn't have been more perfect, and your genuine excitement upon seeing Gepard seamlessly merged with your character's emotions. You delivered a flawless performance, wrapping up the night with an encore.

You couldn't wait to find Gepard backstage, and you rushed to the lobby, barely out of your costume. The force and speed of your hug nearly threw him off balance, and he had to hold the bouquet at a distance to protect it. You scolded him for making you worry, and he simply nodded apologetically, soothingly rubbing your back. When you finally pulled away, he handed you the bouquet and planted a sweet kiss on your lips.

"I told you I'd be here," he whispered, intertwining his free hand with yours. Gepard always followed through on his promises, no matter what.

unfortunately the title is the name of a genshin quest (lol !!) never quite felt a piece come 2 me as easy as dis 1. absolutely in love w/ the request !! the dark part of my mind kept screaming "what if geppie doesn't arrive" but of course he would !!! he wouldn't miss it 4 the world...

#gepard fluff #gepard x reader #gepard x you #honkai star rail x reader #hsr x reader #honkai star rail #gepard landau #gepard hsr #♥︎ | milky writes #♥︎ | request

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squeaksinc · 6 months

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2023 creative year in review! 💦💦

The most stand-out thing to mention was this was arguably my most active and productive cosplay year...maybe ever? its incredibly uncommon that I can handmake 9 costumes in a year, but on top of that, 7 of the 9 were also custom designs, which is pretty wild.

costume-wise, i learned a stupid amount of skills and really pushed what i was comfortable with. IMO the best from the year are the collector, knives, pupet, and nekomancer at least just from a craftsmanship perspective. I try not to brag or be an ass, but I am genuinely very proud of those. they posed fun creative challenges that kept me engaged, and I'm happy with how they turned out!

the other side of the coin is although last year was my most dormant cosplay year, other crafts were super active....and the reverse happened this year _(:3」∠)_ i didnt really draw much at all other than making cosplay designs, and other physical media didnt get much time to shine either. I made some plushies, but they were lackluster, and I think I made maybe one unfinished figure lol. but I did try BJD making and loved it!! I made 4 this year and have plans to do more haha.

thats the upbeat overview, the readmore is going to be a more negative perspective so proceed with caution haha.

More than anything I wish i had more time to do art and build up Stitch in The Ditch/more OC work, but honestly this year was also objectively insane in the non-creative front. like i hit the worst patch of chronic pain i've ever had/found out my abdominals have been ripping themselves apart and bleeding for the past 10 years lol/had to go to the hospital like THREE!!!! goddamn times and now i'm dealing with the news i'm going to need abdominal surgery, got a teaching promotion/award, got my physics masters, utterly INSANE family happenings, had gastroparesis for 2 months and couldnt eat more than 200 cal a day in that time which caused all my blood levels to crash and i'm still reeling from it, and of course, have just been Cashually working goddamn 60-80 hours a week in an experimental physics lab in the background during all of this which is driving me to the point of madness- suffice to say i hit my limit like months ago lmao.

like looking back i know i should be happy and proud i did so much but i cant help but feel disappointed and wishing i had done better quality stuff. honestly, i know i goof about how hard work is, but its really really getting to me. i've always been happy with my ability to juggle so many things and preserve my ability to have a cool job, make cool things, and independently take care of myself, but work is month-by-month morphing into more of a monster thats just been suffocating everything else out. I really dont know what next year will look like, as i've been wearing thinner and thinner i'm noticing a trend where I just dont have the energy that I used to to do anything outside of my job.

I bring this up because on paper I should be happy with what I made, but I still feel like im in a stand-still. I made a lot of costumes, but tbh they were low quality/lackluster. like the number went up, but the quality didnt and I couldnt do much of any other art things. I couldve, and shoulve, been able to make much better work this year than I did, but it didnt happen as a combo of being snuffed out by my job physically and mentally.

in 2023 I got a head start/built up momentum from the beginning of the year that carried me through when things got insane in spring/summer/currently, but I'm already starting 2024 from a low point. yall. im so tired. im so goddamn tired. like its funny to goof about how much I do but its catching up fast and i think this is going to be the year when I just cant keep up anymore. Its hard to talk about since the "being crushed to death by your job" topic isnt one people want to engage with, and unless you're experiencing it first hand its hard to understand what living like that really means.

for 2024, i know theres no way I will be able to match this same number of costumes, but my goal is no matter what I want to start making things that are more solid on a construction level. fewer projects, more polish. also doing more non-cosplay stuff like world building and dolls would also be awesome. will that happen??? lord only knows. honestly usually these predictions/goals go haywire but this is also more of a response to external things outside of my control so ???? ??????? we'll see lads

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raccoonfallsharder · 3 months

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First of all, I love you and your work x 3000.

Second, thank you so much for the treasure that was “Bite.” I keep coming back to it and rereading it and loving it a little more each time. ❤️❤️❤️

Third, I wanted to ask a question: How do you think the dropped idea of a Rocket and Scarlet Witch roadtrip would have been like? These two characters would be interesting to explore.

you. are always making me blush. and you know i adore you and your work as well. (seriously folks i hear there’s a slice-of-life au coming out soon so check out this author on ao3) ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ it was honestly a pleasure and an honor to be able to gift you with something small to balance the scales on all the joy your writing has given me and the support and encouragement and friendship I’ve benefited from through our conversations. i appreciate you so much and frankly you deserve more & better

secondly. let me be clear. i am grateful they did not include this arc actually because the endgame writers would have FUCKED IT UP. they sabotaged rocket’s relationships with every avenger in a hundred small lines (still hung up on nat’s “he eats trash” comment; i can’t). they had a whole-ass opportunity to do something beautiful with him and thor and instead they made a mockery of grief, loss, depression, ptsd, and arguably genocide?? with an added dose of uncharacteristic body-shaming from everyone who interacted with thor including rocket, the guy with more body image issues than anyone in the galaxy. (i know im preaching to the choir with this) add in wanda maximoff — whose character arc has imo been repeatedly undermined and assassinated throughout her time in the mcu — and it would have been a recipe for disaster.

"We had whole drafts with Wanda on a road trip with Rocket," Markus wrote, "but after the Vision plot in Infinity War, nothing we came up with was anything but wheel spinning for her character." (CBR)

i forgive these writers for not knowing rocket’s backstory. they couldn’t. but you had two characters who lost everything in infinity war and you couldn’t think of anything beautiful or meaningful or interesting to do with them? i’m increasingly grateful that we barely ever saw rocket with nebula (another relationship they undermined but i fixed) because im sure it would’ve been a fucken travesty

these fuckin asshats. it’s no wonder they fucked up everything with thor. i wouldn’t trust them with any story that might mean something (hire me disney lol) (jk don’t you’re a very scary corporation)

anyway im sorry. i think you meant this to be a prompt and i will write that fuckin fix-it but first i needed to rage & seethe.

[[exhales]]

okay. im going to think on this and write a little snippet of what i would’ve liked to see and i’ll dedicate it to you as one of my headcanons lol

everything i learn about endgame makes me more mad

#rfh asks #hibata #endgame rants #rocket raccoon #scarlet witch #wanda maximoff #guardians of the galaxy #endgame

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levmada · 8 months

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God damn, is there a reason why Wit Studios cut so much from the Uprising arc? ; - ;

There’s so much stuff happening in there that’s just watered down or straight-up removed it hurts my soul

i really honestly don't know!!! :((( as a result re-watching the uprising arc is always a bit disappointing because it feels more barren in comparison?

i don't approve at all the way wit stripped EVERYTHING down. ik ive been posting about levi a lot, but it's really most everyone. levi's character, mikasa's character, historia's character, even kenny and erwin.

did you know that historia actually has a reason to punch levi in the manga? it's because he was rough with her during that confrontation where he told her she had to be queen, and reeves told her to get back at him when she IS queen.

i understand why wit would cut out sannes' torture scene. but we learn so much more about why the MP do what they do to quash rebellions and such in extended monologues

everyone is mad at levi after he was rough with historia, and mikasa was the only one who defended him.

there's an important scene in the manga where (during the part where armin and jean are pretending to be eren and historia) armin is basically violated by one of the captors. later he tells armin that he used to be normal, but now that he knows armin is a boy, it's his fault that he's perverted. when he's already perverted for violating what he thought was a young girl. that's a major tipping point pointing to as to why in my mind armin had the guts to kill a person, and come up with a disturbing plan to get the wall citizens on their side during the revolution

kenny and levi have a longer conversation during the chase scene where they end up fighting in a bar. kenny talks about how they're both alive because they found something they "like to do". kenny has nothing against levi, but they took different paths in life. this adds IMPORTANT nuance to their relationship in my opinion

oh my god all the funny cute moments :(( like hange's knitting comment, mikasa getting snippy at armin because "i didn't raise you this way", the experiments with eren's titan had a part where he built a cabin in titan form just LOOK

erwin's conversation with nile where they talk about how important risking all their lives are. erwin saying how making gambles are the only thing he's good for, nile disagreeing because he values his family the most, the reveal that erwin DATED nile's now-wife but "he chose titans over marie"

AND JUST... THE ICONIC "MAYBE I AM" SCENE IN THE FOREST INCLUDES MORE IN THE MANGA AND ITS SOOO....

god i know im biased but im so mad that wit cut out SO MUCH levi content in the anime. this is a MAJOR supporting character (so much so hes usually included with EMA on merch and promo material) and now the time has come where we learn how he, hange, erwin, all ways the "old generation" thinks, as that's a MAJOR theme with the progression of the story. the young paying for the older ones sins, the young making better choices (how hange and levi are willing to brutally torture a man with the 104th readily against it; levi willing to be violent with historia if it means it'll save their world when he's arguably wrong for forcing that).

but also, COMPLETELY remove the fact that these inclusions would've made every major character amazingly complex and more interesting, levi specifically. levi is unarguably a popular character, but SO MUCH was cut. why NOT include more of him for the ratings? i really don't get it.

and i don't get why isayama would sign off on all of these things. ahhhhh i hate it

#shirtless levi and erwin aside #what i hate most about wit and what disappoints me the most about the anime is the way the uprising arc was handled #so much wasted potential #kane has mail #opinion #aot

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endcant · 2 years

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Hey, I hope ur well. I just found ur page searching about transitioning as a trans guy and singing, and I'm just curious to know if u still sing? And how it's going? I know of trans guys who can sing arguably better after T like noahfinnce and cavetown, but I'm just worried about it that's all. I haven't even started T yet cos I'm from the UK and our waiting lists are very long lol

hey there! i still sing, yeah. i have been taking a really low dose so really my range has honestly only drifted down like 5 or so semitones. i was a music major and ive sung with a lot of guys, trans and cis, and so i have a lot of thoughts on this topic. so i'm going to rant:

the biggest struggle ive noticed is a constant lack of familiarity with how each note feels in my voice day-to-day, since my voice is still actively changing. my solutions to this is are 1.) mostly singing accompanied (i play guitar, uke, and piano) so that i have a pitch reference, and 2.) recording all of my practicing

recording my practicing was something i was required to do in audiation classes in music school, but i only really did the bare minimum for my assignments because singing what was in my head was easier back when my range had been stable for years. practicing with recordings is more important than ever now because my voice is much more sensitive to strain than it used to be before i was on T. that means that if i sing the same thing over and over just to hear myself sing it, my voice will get tired and stop working VERY quickly. now when i practice, i record a run, and listen back a few times while making notes on my music sheet of what i need to fix before recording again. i also tend to avoid practicing at full volume if i have to practice the rhythm of a passage or something like that. sometimes i just speak a passage to get rhythm or pronunciation. anything to avoid singing too much or too hard while still singing enough to practice effectively. ALSO, my tongue and throat haven't been able to relax easily lately, so my warm-up is very different than it used to be to try to address that. my voice is still in the beginning part of changing, though, so what i've got going on is only part of the picture.

for a bit more of what's down the road, i have a lot of friends who are on T, a lot of whom ask me to assess their voice range (i was a music major and i guess they assume im the one to ask). the #1 thing ive noticed is that trans guys whose voice ranges drop significantly tend to get hung up on the fact that they can't sing the high notes they used to be able to sing, while ignoring the fact that they have access to an expanded lower register. i have some friends who have a lovely, rich baritone range, but they are really shy about singing that low because it's unfamiliar, and then they crack their voices struggling to sing notes that wouldve fallen within their former soprano range. ultimately, trans guys with their voice settled into a new range are just as capable of learning to utilize that range as anybody else, and the main block there is mental. a lot of us are just used to singing differently because we've been in a different range most of our lives, and the instinct is just to avoid singing to avoid sounding dumb, rather than practice and re-learn. also i think a lot of my transmasc friends (esp ex-sopranos) were way too pessimistic about how far their voice was capable of dropping, so they don't know what to do with themselves now that their voice change has exceeded their own expectations.

one thing that i think is important to remember is that cis guys have experienced a lot of the same struggles that transmascs on T have with their voices. i was a music major and we had some singing requirements for all music majors, even non-vocal majors, and it really seemed like the cis guys initially struggled a lot more with the basics of singing than the cis girls (and pre-T me) in the class. here are a few things that i gleaned from being in those classes and watching those guys learn to sing:

the biggest thing to consider, especially if you are a soprano before T, is that sopranos have a lot of notes in their range that resonate in their head. the difference between having a "proper head voice" and a falsetto high range is whether or not you're able to comfortably sing high notes that resonate in your sinuses most strongly. why is this a major consideration? when your voice drops and your most comfortable notes suddenly tend to resonate more in your throat and chest, that is WAY harder to hear than those high notes that buzz directly in your skull, especially in the details. going out of key is way more likely when you can barely hear what note you're singing compared to literally hearing your voice vibrating in your head while singing. my professors used to tell guys who struggled with staying on pitch to practice singing either with their hand in front of their face to direct the sound back to one of their ears, or with a piece of paper in front of their face. you could even practice singing to a bathroom wall or something like that. this has already become useful advice for me, since i can't hear the difference between my new lowest notes unless i'm either recording them or hearing the sound reflected off a surface.

another thing that my vocal instructor used to go on about a lot is that shoulder tension has a large effect on your chest voice. if, after your voice drops, you're keeping your shoulders tensed, you might not be able to sing all of the lower notes that your body is capable of producing. my vocal instructor used to tell some of the guys to literally practice singing while lying down??? i don't know if that solution actually helped with the shoulder tension, but the shoulder tension seemed like a real issue that was partially physical and partially psychological. ultimately, decent relaxed posture is something that is always important for singing no matter what your range is.

one more thing is that cis guys had their voices break and drop, too. whenever i or one of my transmasc-on-T friends struggles with singing, i point out that every cis guy who sings has had to deal with this too. it just happened while they were younger and every other guy around them was dealing with the same thing too. and, for them, it could've taken like 5-10 years. a lot of trans guys crank up the T as high as possible for as fast of a voice change as they can manage, and then they have a hard time adjusting to a voice change that only took 6 months or a year or even a couple years. it's gonna be hard to mentally adjust to a voice change when it happens so fast (relatively speaking), and when you're much more alone in dealing with it. all this is to say... yes, it takes a lot of effort to sound decent while singing during a voice change, and it is going to take a lot of effort to get used to that change once it's basically over, but it is something that is possible, since so many people sing despite having a changing voice. even cis women have their voices change over time.

to wrap this big long rant up, there is a lot of very speculative writing about the effects of T on the voice and the best way to retain vocal talent through the effects of T. some will say to avoid singing until your voice is done cooking, some will say that you should sing constantly to avoid losing range. my personal advice from where i'm at right now is that you should practice very gently, but sing as much as you need to to sound decent. having your voice slowly change on T is sort of like if you know how to play flute and every now and then someone replaces your flute with a very slightly larger and lower-toned flute. you don't even notice the change most days, but it makes you sound much shittier at flute if you don't practice before you perform, especially when compared to people who have had the same regular-sized flute for like 20 years.

whenever you get on T, just trust that it'll be fine, as long as you expect and accept that your voice is changing. sing if you want to sing, stop singing if it hurts, try to adjust your technique to minimize pain, and know that you'll be adjusting a lot more than you used to for awhile. it'll feel alien for a long time, but remember that one day your voice will settle into a range once again, and you'll be able to really get to know that new voice. and remember that most of singing well is just maintaining a good ear for pitch (something you can do by practicing any instrument btw), keeping healthy posture, and practicing enough to know what you sound like these days before you perform.

i'm sure everybody whos had T-induced voice changes will have their own opinions about this though, so don't take my word as gospel

#convos #music #thanks for asking a music question btw i love talking about music

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creatively-cosmic · 2 months

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What up, Starry—You already know who it is! B)

Sorry about Tumblr being a buggy mess and crashing halfway through! I’ve experienced the frustration of losing writing due to crashes and it always sucks. But thank you for continuing to answer these questions and satiate my curiosity! Learning more about Missing Numbers is like reading a book that just keeps getting better and better and better with every new chapter. Also: don’t worry about the delays or how long responding takes! You come first and foremost. Your health/work/school/whatever it is ya got going on in your personal life, is infinitely more important than me getting an answer to a question. So please, take your time, as much as you need—I will wait.

(Also, young Red being just as much of a little shit as Blue was is surprisingly wholesome and I love that. And after seeing their heights I realized I’m the same height as Blue! That detail is not important in the slightest, I just thought it was funny.)

Anywho, let’s get into the meat and potatoes, shall we?

First things first: Y’all mentioned biology mechanics and the nature of Glitches? 👀 Well, guess what? I love that kinda stuff! My curiosity is piqued—please explain.

Second question though: What is Leaf’s Duty? What does she do and how do her powers(?) work? Are her abilities like how the move Imprison was in Fallen Leaf?

And third: What’s the relationship/dynamic between Leaf and Red? That comic y’all posted has me wondering what Leaf is warning others about.

That’s all for now though! Please take care of yourself. Have a good day/afternoon/night!

Ahh, thank you so much for your patience! its really appreciated,, im glad youve still been enjoying things- your comments (and your FANART OH MY GOD??) have still been giving us LIFE i truly cannot thank you enough!

Red and Blue’s childhood friendship and rivalry has always been something we’ve wanted to come off as just plain silly and enjoyable- I’m glad we’ve been succeeding in that, hehe. And Blue was actually originally going to be shorter (our height, actually), we just added a few inches to be nicer to him lol

Per usual now, we’ll keep the big stuff under the cut! It’s another long one: Consider this Leaf Lore Part Two.

For the Glitch stuff, we’ve been thinking and might make a BIG formal post going over all of Professor Maple’s speculation and studies, to make it a good access point for the worldbuilding of Missing Numbers. I can’t promise it’ll come soon, but! As a starting point, I do have a pre-written thing with information on different classifications of Glitch that should clear up a good bit to start with.

Unless we get any sudden further realizations, every Glitch, Corruption, and Anomaly in Missing Numbers (and arguably in Pokemon as a whole) can fall under these five classifications.

Leaf’s duty is the main aspect of what we failed to touch on in your previous question. So, I’ll finish that part of the story. :)

To answer your questions, we first have to establish how she got her powers. When Leaf died, she did not get to rest peacefully. Most who die in this world don’t. The afterlife for the fallen and forgotten is not pretty. It is not merciful. There is no heaven for the ones who do not matter to God.

The Distortion exists in layers. At it’s lowest, the farthest from contact with the main reality, is a void of unused, scrapped, and null data. A graveyard, or worse yet, a dump where things that can no longer exist in the surface world go to rot. Unused data. Scrapped NPCs. Removed characters, Pokemon, items.

Assets of old games that never carried over.

Leaf's soul was discarded here when she was erased from existence at the end of Abandoned Loneliness. Left to rot with the unborn Ghosts that had haunted them both with the intent to drag someone of significance down with them. Hoping they too might escape. That they might receive mercy through her.

Unfortunately, Leaf was the unloved child. So instead she fell to their ranks, swallowed up by the abyss that was their resting place- thrust as far from reality, from her home, from her friends, from her purpose as feasibly possible. Still conscious. Still aware. Still suffering.

… Leaf was not one to accept things lying down. Leaf was a fighter. She hated injustice, unfairness. She wouldn’t stand for this. She wouldn’t lie down and give up. No matter how suffocating the darkness was. No matter how the bloodied hands tried to drag her further down. No matter how the chaos and corruption tried to break and dismantle her.

No. Matter. What.

Where there’s a will, there’s a way. And if there was one thing that defined Leaf even more than her bleeding heart, it was that her will was unbreakable.

So she climbed. Climbing over the damned- the forgotten- the spiteful- the vengeful- everything trying to hurt her and pull her down. Focused solely on escaping, on going up. Until things began to become more tangible. Until she could see more than black and red. Until there was light, and color. Until data became form- albeit still broken, chaotic. Numbers. Misplaced bricks. Impossible plants. Incomprehensible collision.

Glitch City.

She broke through the floor of the second lowest layer of the Distortion, and though the surface’s light was still so far… She’d found solid footing.

And here, though it may have been quieter… She wasn’t so alone.

The City had the odd few inhabitants. But the first that she met was a strangely familiar boy, a teenager that reminded her of someone she knew, but wrong. With a cocky, lopsided grin, unruly black hair, and bright red eyes.

Someone who wanted out just as badly as she did.

Leaf and Red never knew each other outside of Glitch City. But during their time trapped there together as children, they were friends. Leaf wasn’t the first person Red befriended there…

But she was significant. They were allies with a shared goal, after all, and if one of them could find a way out, they could get out together! They worked in tandem to find hope, grasp at an escape. Everything they could, as a possibility. They were friends, after all. Right?

Right?

… Leaf didn’t wholly trust Red. It wasn’t personal, but there were things that were risky. She could see the instability of corruption plaguing him, and she wanted to ensure her loved ones’ safety more than she wanted to escape. The greater picture was something that she could wrap her head around, even if it was hard to grasp.

Red was not the same. Laser focused on his goal and uncaring of the consequences, it was a factor that, over time, divided them more and more as Leaf realized the severity of Red’s condition, and began to think…

Maybe he was here for a reason. … Still, she tried to turn a blind eye. Let herself hope things weren’t that bad.

The growing obviousness for his resentment towards Fire, though Red tried to hide it, didn’t help- her distrust towards him only grew, further clouded by her personal fears and dedication to protecting her loved ones.

And one day, while discussing a possible window for escape… She let a thought she’d been hiding slip. The final nail in the coffin.

Afraid for her brother’s life, and angry seeing how Red reveled in the idea of hurting him, she left him behind and didn’t look back.

From there, we aren’t sure of the exact details of how she escaped. But we know she had help on the surface- from someone a little too curious about the nature of the Anomalous, who was all too eager to free a willing entity. Professor Ace Maple (specializing in “anomalies”, and original to the Missing Numbers story!) helped free her soul.

Of course, releasing a long-buried corrupted entity wouldn’t go unnoticed by the higher power that had put her there. But… It saw how careful she was. How she was now completely wary of all glitches. How she’d come to understand the dangers they posed to the world and the people in it.

So, the Almighty came to her in a Golden light. Extending an offer to her.

YOU CANNOT BE PERMITTED TO EXIST IN THIS WORLD AS YOU ARE.

THERE IS A REASON YOUR KIND WERE BURIED.

THIS WORLD IS ENDANGERED EVERY TIME CORRUPTION ESCAPES.

I MUST PRESERVE THE ORDER OF THIS REALITY.

BUT YOU, HEROINE, HAVE PROVEN TO BE SPECIAL.

I AM WILLING TO MAKE A COMPROMISE FOR YOU ALONE.

YOU KNOW THINGS I CANNOT PERMIT ANYONE TO KNOW.

YOU’VE SEEN THINGS I CANNOT PERMIT ANYONE TO SEE.

I CAN ALLOW YOU TO KEEP THESE MEMORIES, AND YOUR PRESENCE HERE, ON SIMPLE TERMS.

DO NOT SPEAK OF IT TO ANOTHER SOUL…

AND PUT THIS KNOWLEDGE TO USE.

YOUR SHACKLES WILL BE YOUR WEAPON. KNOWLEDGE. POWER.

PROTECT MY WORLD. CLEANSE THE CORRUPTION. HOLD THEM BELOW.

YOU ALONE WILL SEE EVERYTHING, FOR YOU ALONE SHALL BE THE WARDEN.

BUT DO NOT FORGET WHERE YOU CAME FROM.

DO NOT FORSAKE ME.

… Of course she accepted the bargain. It was all beneficial in her eyes. Her complete freedom, and the ability to protect those she loved most in ways she never could have before. What happened in their childhood would never happen again now.

Thus, Leaf was blessed with her body yet again. Rightfully hers, and aged to grow with her. Though she’d never again be a Vessel, that was okay. She was something far greater now.

The chains could Imprison any code they touched, and they were completely under her control. With these, she could fight and restrain any anomalies necessary. She was also given the one-of-a-kind ability to freely move between the Main world, and the Distortion… To ensure that no activity occurred in either that could allow the escape of something catastrophic.

Of course, things weren’t perfect. The world and the people in it had changed since she’d been gone. It had been years. People would be different.

Blue, for one. It was hard to face him again. Tensions never stopped being high between them. They both remembered, after all.

She mostly just cared about her brother, now. It took her a bit to find him, idle at the top of Mount Silver.

It was heartbreaking to see the emptiness in his eyes. Him barely acknowledging her. The realization that he’d never… He’d never looked for her. Never tried to free her.

Never even mourned.

She still loved him. She always would. He was her family. He was the only one who’d been anything like her.

It was okay that he got everything she had. It was okay that he’d completely replaced her. It was okay that he now had everything she ever wanted. It was okay that he wasn’t the one who looked for, found, freed her, instead of a complete stranger. It was okay that when he spoke it was soulless and objective and only reminding her of her duties. it was okay. it was okay.

It was okay that he didn’t care.

It was okay that he was living the life she should’ve wanted DESERVED that he was destined to.

It was okay that she had to protect him. It was part of her duty, after all.

She wasn’t bitter. She wasn’t mad. She loved him.

… And then there was Red- “Glitchy,” as she now called him, unwilling to give him the name that belonged to her brother. He never did give up on her. He was PISSED, mind you, that somehow she had escaped and left him and the others stuck down there behind- but he still refused to back down.

They were enemies now, though. As he grew more restless- and more powerful, much to Leaf’s horror- his imprisonment became a direct responsibility of hers. And as Professor Maple grew more curious about glitches, unknowingly bringing him closer and closer to true freedom, even though she felt indebted to them, she had to resist their studies. Warn them of everything- especially him.

“I thought you hated injustice. Don’t you think this is unfair?”

Still, she had to face him often. And even in his madness, and even in chains, Red could speak so… Persuasively.

“If you could escape, why shouldn’t I? You have the ability to free me.”

“And I know you’re hiding me from the others. Don’t they deserve to know?”

“You knew as a KID that Blue was looking for me. Doesn’t HE deserve it?”

“I think you know this isn’t the right thing to do.”

“You’re making a mistake.”

“But it’s okay. I’m not mad. I can be patient.”

“I’m sure you’ll come around.”

“After all, you’re just like me and you know it.”

#an important thing in missing numbers is that everyone is a victim. but nobody is innocent. do you understand me #everyone is as much of an antagonist towards each other as they are an ally #its a story about trauma and the effect it has on people and their relationships.#traumatized kids who grew up together. now adults struggling to find a reason why things have to be this way.#and they can only turn to the people who were there when things were darkest. but they also seem the only ones to blame #its all messy and complicated and painful and difficult and tragic tragic TRAGIC #and i think leafs story is the most shining example of these themes in mn tbh. im glad i could talk on the rest of it yayy!#missing numbers #please note and remember that mn is a very personal story and is about our emotions and thoughts before anything else #i get anxious about tumblrinas being tumblrinas so i feel the need to clarify that #me writing scared adults who were scared kids lashing out about it isn't me demonizing trauma and mental illness or whatever #its me venting and writing my own feelings in a dramatized form so i can grasp them in a more tangible way #its a very important thing to me. and it makes me very glad others can resonate with it. we're all in this bullshit together!

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theonlyladylove · 2 months

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In honor of confronting and not escaping my problems I'll share them.

The slightest inconvience can quickly spiral into negative feelings and thoughts. I'm quick to get angry, im quick to despair, im quick to blame myself. Most of all im quick to escape my feelings through any means necessary. Even though ive cut back my drug use im still arguably an addict in a calm period of my life.

I look in the mirror and most of the time experiance a feeling of alienation from myself. Im not even sure I really percieve myself as a person. I feel more like the conciousness, the observer and commentator to my own life. I cannot accept the person staring at me in the mirror.

I bottle up most of my frustrations, and above all else I still seem to value sex more then a human connection. I'm not much better talking to woman then I was before all this work i put in to better myself. It was only very recentley I was able to get over my own insecurities around getting rejected to keep a friend I fancied who I learned was unavailable. The last few times before then i can recall id just ghost people irl.

This post isnt about being hopeless, knowing others know motivates me more to improve as best I can. And if your flaws include wronging someone in even a small way It might be best to apologize. The most liberated i ever felt from my own insecurities was when I apologized to a previous girl I was friends with for being an awful person, for being upset when I couldnt get the sexual gratification I wanted from the relationship. The best thing she ever did for me was not deny what i did when i did apologize. She had moved on, and after i said something I could too.

I dont expect everyone to confront their problems like this but I do think the world will be a better place when we can plainly admit what we need to improve on.

#confession #confrontation #self improvement #self care #true and honest

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madisonrooney · 2 months

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2014 was arguably the most formative year of my life, so forgive me as i continue with posts about 10th anniversaries of things cuz anniversaries get me emotional and this year is a big one.

i dont remember the exact date, i wish i did, but some time this month marks 10 years since i started watching shake it up.

i rarely talk about this show, but it was deeply important in my getting back into disney channel. as ive talked about many a time, i didnt watch new disney channel shows, and even fell behind on ones i was already watching, around 2011-12 not bc i was actually growing out of the channel, but bc i felt like i was being forced out of it by my peers, in particular my abuser, and even once that situation had improved, the resulting depression didnt allow me the emotional energy to get into new shows for a while.

as i continued to recover, i decided to binge it leading up to my summer 2014 disneylans trip. binge watching it over a short period im sure is most of if not the entire reason it didnt have the same lasting impact on me that shows like liv and maddie did, but not only did i DEEPLY love it at the time, but it helped me take a big step in the direction of getting back into disney channel as a whole. my growing interest in liv and maddie was simultaneous with this, so i think all this happening at the same time was kismet. i even remember one night thinking "i cant decide if i like shake it up or liv and maddie better." obviously, that decision would be made soon enough, but like i said, i think had the circumstances been different, shake it up may have been even bigger in my life than it was. i feel like theres a parallel universe where it takes the place in my life liv and maddie has since had lol.

and disney channel coming back into my life carries more importance than just it defining a lot of my personality and interests to this day. it was the means by which i continued to move past my abusive friendship. she had made me feel like an embarrassment for enjoying these shows, and even specifically said about shake it up that she didnt want me watching it bc she knew i was gonna like it. so the more i fell in love with it, the more i felt i was gaining my individuality back.

other than helping me get back into disney channel overall, i think it had two other notable impacts, the first being seeing characters i enjoyed helped me identify those personalities in the people around me, like in my high school, and understand and read their emotions better (thats the undiagnosed-at-the-time autism for you). i remember a couple reminding me of deuce and dina and a classmate that i really wanted to be friends with reminding me of rocky. this would be one of the first of a number of shows to have this effect on me.

i also was just enamored with rocky and cece's friendship and, as cheesy as it sounds, it made me learn to value my best friend even more.

again, plenty other disney shows following this would expand and help me understand the world around me similarly, but this was the beginning of it.

so thank you to shake it up. although i don't shine a light on it as much as i do my other favorite shows, i don't think my disney channel fandom and relationship with the shows and characters i love, or even with the world around me and with myself, would be the same without it.

#tw abuse

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forestshadow-wolf · 1 year

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I.S.B.T.P.K.F.T.S moments (chapter 1)

all the parts of the Ao3 fic "I should be the poster kid for that shit" written by @tavtarnish that I absolutely love

Chapter 1 chapter 2

Soap having a single mother and several sisters.

~ the image of this is /so/ clear to me. like there is no other alternative, he simply just give off 'raised by women' vibes, which leads into the next item

Soap learning to do things for his siblings in order to relieve his mother of some of her responsibilities.

~ there's not really much to say about this other than the fact that he ABSOLUTELY would

the public version of him being a complete foil to the home version of himself.

~ of course he would be different. everybody needs a relief from all the stress of responsibilities. especially with him being at such a young age (the average person's brain doesn't fully develop until the age of 25 years old)

the /explicit/ statement that he loves his sisters

~ this may be a weird tidbit for me to like so much but I do

that chest feeling that he feels when he can't lighten the mood or if he was responsible for bringing the mood down

~ i've been here before. many many times. it hurts but you can't quite figure out why so you just ignore it. because how could you fix it or even explain it if you don't even know what it is other than it makes you feel bad

the way he can't stop thinking about /that/ conversation. the one that brought on the bad feeling

~ if he can't determine what that feeling is then maybe he can at least pinpoint when that feeling came on

the way he believes that he deserves the hurt that he's experiencing

~ because that's what RSD does. it makes you seek approval and then punishes you when/if you don't find or receive it. it often goes hand in hand with self-esteem issues

believing he should have known to back off even if he wasn't told to directly

~ he's thinking back on the interaction and now has time to analyze it. this is where we see the self-esteem issues arise. arguably both this and the one above are, but I chose this part in particular because of the "should have". he should have done this, should have seen that, should, should, should.

ghost lashing out at him

~ gah! THIS was the trigger. it's so just /there/ and idk if it's so obvious to me b/c i've been in situations like this or if it's obvious to everybody. but it really is like a slap in the face for me, it made /me/ feel a phantom tightness in my chest.

the way he immediately shuts the hell up, and then blurts out an accusation

~ its what I would have done. it's a defensive response of self-preservation. action-reaction. attack-defense-counter attack. this is probably where I realized that i'd 100% be projecting onto this man

Soap pushing Ghost to yell at him. to tell him what he did wrong even if he knows he shouldn't

~ because that's better than being stuck in his head. hell /anything/ is better than being aimlessly stuck in his head, not knowing what exactly what it was that he'd done wrong. if ghost tells him then at least he knows what to beat himself up about. at least he can then work on fixing his flaw(s)

him regretting pushing ghost so far when he doesn't start yelling, but instead starts spitting facts

~ it's horrible when the anger isn't harsh and harmful and sharp, but is instead soft and too calm and almost caring. because when it cuts it's distracting, it gives something to focus on. but when it's soft and caressing you notice everything, it's too much and not enough all at once.

the moment of realization and how he defends himself

~ it's the /oh/ moment but instead of 'im in love' its 'i can't fix this/my poor action has affected someone else'. and he defends himself in the moment but I know in my soul that he definitely did not believe his own words

the jab sent his way and the moment before that

~ the situation that he tried to control in a desperate of self-preservation so he didn't destroy himself later. the way he can feel that control slipping away when ghost doesn't correct his speech. and how he completely loses his grip with that final jab at him

the way he tries to hide the way his stomach drops and tries to deny his need for medical attention

~ of course he would try to hide it. he formed his entire personality to be the one guy that is never bothered by anything, to be the happy guy, the guy that makes everybody happy. if he can't do that then how could he even deserve to be checked out at medical.

ghost's attempt at a joke as he's leaving which only serves to hurt soap more

~ he new that it was a joke. or course he did, he knew the ghost well enough to know that it was supposed to be a joke. and yet it only served to hurt him more on that day.

being wide awake that night, and being too comfortable

~ the way he's wide awake even through he knows he has to get up in a few hours, because he can't stop thinking. the way he moves to the floor bc the bed it too comfortable. it's too nice, he doesn't deserve it. he fucked up and so should be punished. the feeling is so so real to me, and i've been in this exact situation many times before.

his tired mother blowing up at him after a long day. and how it feels the same with his current situation with ghost

~ my mom also had and does blow up at me after a long day of work (especially bc the people at her job are shitty... y'all didn't need to know that) Soap obviously doesn't blame his mother. it's not her fault she had a bad day and that he was being annoying. it's not her fault that she needed an outlet and he just so happened to be annoying enough to be that source. and of course ghost yelled at him. he was being annoying AND he almost ruined the mission. ghost had every reason to be angry at him. that didn't mean it hurt any less tho.

the way he wished that he was being punished for doing something so incredibly terrible that they'd really hurt him

~ it feels wrong to be feeling the way he does for what had happened. it was an over reaction. maybe if he had done something truly terrible it would make sense why it felt like everybody despised him. but he hadn't which means the everybody hates him for him, not for something he did... and how could he fix that. changing his cations was easy, it just took a little extra thought... but to change /himself/? he doesn't even know how he'd go about doing that. where would he start? how would he know when it was enough? what if it was never enough?

needing to feel some sort of stimulation (specifically pain) which he dies himself which sends him into a dissociative state

~ i know the feeling. i constantly find my hair everywhere from doing just this. it's grounding, being able to feel something gives you something to focus on in the moment.

the way he tries to find a reason for not being kicked out of the 141, and how his thoughts migrate from one topic to another

~ this circles back to the self-esteem issues; he feels that the only thing keeping him in the task force is what he can do for the others, rather than himself. his thoughts kinda going from this to ghost to his feelings for the man. you can see the path or his thoughts, the problem is keeping a hold of those thoughts.

him wanting to wreak himself so he could rebuild in his own image, and how he desperately tries to find any sort of connection so he wasn't alone in his feelings

~ he feels that his current self is inadequate. too flawed. too much for others. not worthy of anything. and he want's to feel justified in his feelings, to not be alone in that feeling. he knows ghost hides simon, but he also knows that ghost doesn't seek to 'fix' himself the way he does.

Soap self-soothing himself

~ to me this shows that (like me) he feels like he is acting/feeling this way fro attention. even though there is nobody around to witness his breakdown, and the fact that he actively tried to hide his crumbling state

the way he accept his shortcomings, but in the way that it still hurts him

~ like I mentioned before he cannot change himself. not at his core. but he CAN change his actions. and if everything about himself meant that he was a terrible person, and that when he died it would be clear as day for everyone to see. well then maybe if he built a facade of good actions , just maybe that would lessen the blow of the terribleness that is himself. and GOD is he determined not to fuck it up. because he can't fuck it up because if he does then he is well and truly fucked. and not only that, if he messes up then it affects the people around him as well, and that would make his badness multiply tenfold.

this was supposed to be both chapter 1 and 2 but apparently I like to talk lol. I'll link the next chapter at the top when i finish it.

Tav, let me know if you want me to tag you in the next part

#El rambles #El over-analyzes #cod #cod mw2 #john soap mactavish #I.S.B.T.P.K.F.T.S

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sapphire-weapon · 1 year

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I’m just gonna say that I think ur being a wee bit too harsh on remake 2 Leon with saying everything is his fault because a lot of it is timing and no one would know what to do in that moment.

With the gas station dude, the only thing Leon does wrong is distract the dude by calling out to him, the zombie is on top of the guy in a second after that and biting a chunk of flesh off of him— I think anyone would be frozen in shock in that moment.

Also with Ben, Leon has no idea if Ben is a criminal and why he’s even locked up in the first place— they only hear Mr. X for a moment before he busts through the wall and Leon can’t shoot without shooting Ben in the face too, you see Leon try to aim the gun or find another point to shoot but it’s too late by that point. Also Leon has no idea about Mr. X at this point and arguably, Ben has clearly been safer in his jail cell so far, so of course Leon hesitates to let someone who could potential be a dangerous criminal out on top of everything going on. I’m pretty sure him saying ‘I’ll have to ask chief irons’ was before they heard anything and the guy was just asking to be let out — also Im pretty sure it is him covering himself to get more time to figure out what to do with Ben or get my information of why Ben is in there in the first place. He’s in jail, someone who is a trained cop is gonna hesitate before opening up his cell.

Also another thing I just wanted add that Leon doesn’t trust Ada, it’s what he says to her at the end ‘I realized as much as I wanted to trust you I didn’t’ so obviously he regonize she was shady but what else was he going to do in that situation besides take her at her word, after the fact she showed him her badge and has knowledge about the situation. how is he gonna guess that she’s a super secret mercenary that’s using him to steal this secret virus to sell

While I get what you are trying to say, I don’t think saying he’s a complete idiot makes much sense when it’s just how, a normal person would react to things. In fact I think he did a bit better considering the circumstances. Just my two sense tho, def not attacking u or anything, just noticed ur post in the tag and wanted to add my perspective to it since I’ve been like, religiously playing that game rn 😭.

But homie, what you're saying is exactly my point.

Leon was the everyman in RE2. He didn't have military experience like Chris and Jill -- and he wasn't raised a Redfield like Claire -- so he was never taught how to handle a legitimate combat situation. So, he did, for the most part, what a normal person would do in that situation. And that was the problem. It wasn't a normal situation, so reacting like a normal person ended with people dying.

Well. Actually no he doesn't get a pass on Ada, even still. Even if he didnt trust her completely, that bitch was in a tight dress and stilettos and Leon still looked at her and was like "yeah I mean I guess it could be possible that she's FBI." Like. No, dumbass. Stop thinking with your dick. You're not in a noir film.

The journey through Leon's character development was that he had to step outside of his normal bubble and into the actual literal nightmare that Raccoon City really was. He does eventually learn that lesson, but unfortunately, it's one that he learns too late. By the time he gets there, there's already a bodycount.

So in RE4make, he can't be that everyman anymore if his mission has any chance of succeeding. He has to be more than the everyman. He can't hesitate, he can't hope that things will work out okay. He has to own every single one of his decisions, the chances he takes have to be calculated, and he can't fall into the same well-meaning traps.

Leon can't be held to "normal people" standards. To do so erases the progression of his character arc. And he doesn't hold himself to those standards, either. He has to be better, because if he isn't, people will die. That was the lesson he had to learn.

When I criticize Leon for his flaws, I'm not hating on him or trying to be mean. His flaws create the conflict that fuels his story -- and that's what makes him a good character.

Within the context of the story itself, what would normally be seen as virtuous qualities in a person are actually the problem. And that's what makes him so sympathetic and compelling. You want to root for him because he's trying so hard to do the right thing, but him doing the right thing is what gets people killed.

I love him for that.

#i hope this made sense lmao #i answered this on my break at work so #it might be wonky #gomen

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womanexile · 9 months

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I'm going to play devil's advocate (and go delulu) for a moment here: I think Taylor's going to be single for a while now. Why? You're On Your Own, Kid. I've always read tracks 5's as the point of the album. Some examples (im trying to keep it brief and I apologize for spelling mistakes and auto-corrects, it's 1 AM where I'm at):

All Too Well from Red, an album about how complicated emotions can be, has arguably her most "emotional rollercoaster" of a song as track 5.

Dear John from Speak Now, an album loosely based on the concept of "things she should have told people, but never did." has a song directly addressed to Mayer as track 5.

tolerate it from evermore, which I always read as an album about moving on from the past, has a song that discusses a failing relationship (which is heavily implied to have been a marriage or just really long) which, at the end, Taylor is implied to be leaving due to how unfulfilling it is, even if it was once great *coughs in Joe Alwyn* as track 5.

my tears ricochet from folklore, which I always read as an album about directly addressing the hurt the past caused, but not healing from it, has a song that discusses the pain of losing a partner, but explicitly not moving on, as the man still wears the jewels, missing her, while also tossing out blame *cough in Hiddleston/Harris affair and Harry Styles (my favorite duo (Hiddle)/trio (Calcium being an intrusion to all that is good))* and Taylor still speaks to him, while screaming at the sky, and feels she can go anywhere, just not home (which I see as symbolism for love in all TS songs) as the track 5.

Delicate from reputation, which discusses forbidden romance, has the most obvious example of portraying the theme, while also subtly hinting at the relationship being over already in the bridge and her only reminiscing and hoping to be remembered *cough in rep is about Hiddleston delusion*, as the track 5 (yes, I'm the Hiddleswift truther from earlier, hello).

These are the most obvious ones, to me at least.

You're On Your Own, Kid is a funny song in all possible readings of Midnights. I take the album as the third part of the reminiscence trilogy, as I've dubbed it. folklore is about addressing the past, evermore about moving on from it, and Midnights about learning from it. I take each song as her comparing a past situation to her circumstances with Alwyn (YOYOK past situation is obvious so I won't talk about that).

She starts with summer went away, I've always taken summer as symbolic of Hiddleston, but her yearning for love remained, and she tried to play it off as if it's cool, even if it wasn't, because if she did, that relationship would blow up in both their faces, with people already thinking it was PR and Kanye being a clown.

Alternatively, it could be refrencing the end of the honeymoon phase with Alwyn.

She then waits patiently, wanting to be noticed by a friend she likes (Alwyn), whom she potentially chased just because she misses the summer. The anyway is to me, a timeskip, of sorts. He's distant now, smoking with his boys, likely without telling Taylor about it, given that she heard it in his voice (disappearing at random for reasons she's not sure about; I swear I saw paparazzi pics of him kissing Laird in 2022, but I can't provide links, I just know I freaked out) and she touches her phone like it's his face, maybe because they don't talk much anymore and there's distance. In regard to the town line, it might be about how she's grown more closed off since Alwyn. She didn't chose this, she wants to be more open, but she'd stay like this for him. Forever, if need be.

She thought she waited years to meet him, that he's the one, only to learn he never cared and there were better options. All this time she was on her own, and didn't even realize.

She then decides she'll run away because she knows he doesn't love her. The Daisy May part is interesting because that's a nice, obedient woman. Joe Alwyn? Controlling? I wouldn't be shocked.

Now, she takes a taxi to take her there. When else has she used the word taxi? Come Back...Be Here and New Year's Day, ladies and gentlemen, certified Haylor songs. She also mentions dreams not being rare, which Wildest Dreams, ladies and gentlemen, certified Haylor song. It also repeats the better bodies part, meaning Harry was, in her eyes, the better option at that point. I think, Harry and Taylor were communicating throughout COVID after the first Grammy meeting and Harry knew Taylor was having doubts about Joe, que Boyfriends and Matlida, and he may have helped her mourn the relationship before it was over. During their midnight talking chats, he finally told her he still thinks of her, and she acknowledges it here, saying he wasn't alone in that.

She then proclaims how much she's given for a perfect kiss, but it solved nothing, because Joe wasn't perfect and how her friends (also the world and the fans) won't know what to say when she tells them. How the jokes weren't funny (the ones about her being everything and him being just Ken), which she's probably from his perspective, but sarcastically, because it was true, and how she took all the money with her, because he has very little in comparison. Her gown is bloody now, because she just destroyed her chances of ever marrying Joe, whom she wanted that with. But this was a step forward and she shouldn't be afraid. And he can't take away her future experiences. He can talk shit all he wants, it won't change that this is good for her.

So she'll make some frienship braclets and just exist for a little. And she can do that. She's on her own. She has been for a very long time.

- Faithfully, a delulu Alwyn not-enjoyer

I think you’re right about TS & HS communicating right before Covid. I have a theory on this. Both their albums had just come out Lover & Fine Line ( on TS birthday). And there are several things I put together from articles & interviews. I might make a post about it. Covid hits & TS goes off & right folklore & evermore ( with lots of Haylor songs) and HS writes HH (which to me every song is about TS). Satellite he says “I can see you’re lonely down there” so yea Harry knew there were problems with them.

And I never thought about Delicate being about TH. Makes a lot more sense than joe. That timeline is all kind of whack. It doesn’t make sense to me. She meets joe April 29th & is just blown away by him & so into him then a week later she’s being all flirty with TH at the Met & completely ignores joe & gets with TH?

I think she’s probably gonna be single at least till the end of tour maybe. She’s super busy at the moment.

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tuiyla · 1 year

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this one’s a long one but saw you talking about the tslocg finale and i have to some things to say (if u don’t mind)

im really upset with how they handled the leighton x tatum situation. like fine, maybe tatum was always meant to be a steppingstone for leighton’s eventual understanding for who and what she’s really looking for in a partner. i never really imagined them to be endgame, especially because leighton’s a freshman and she has plenty of time to explore relationships. break ups happen and their split is really far from the actual issue. a lot of actions just felt very out of character/unfair and the rushed pacing really didn’t make anything settle any better. i mean really what was the purpose of building up tatum’s (jackson’s tbh) characters and qualities just to rip them away in literal minutes.

obviously the show’s pacing has always been a major issue, but there’s never been a mention of the women’s center ever since leighton and alicia ended things so why are we acting like leighton and the other volunteers (employees ?) were so close. it just doesn’t make sense that leighton, who was literally so awful toward the women’s center last season, would be so quickly to dismiss someone who wasn’t fully understanding the significance of it/its members. i mean leighton, of all people, should understand that the environment is one that takes getting used to especially coming from such a privileged, conservative background. perhaps it was the annoyance of having to volunteer there, but leighton’s initial reactions were arguably worse than tatum’s little comments.

it just sucked to see tatum being so patient and willing to work things out with leighton even when she was closeted (which yk, bar is on the floor but still very sweet in comparison to alicia’s reaction) and tatum’s reassurance to leighton lying about the gallery party and doing so much to impress her. but god forbid tatum show some poor qualities, and now leighton immediately dismisses her and their relationship. it’s just really cruel for her to have zero grace for tatum’s ignorance when she was, again, far worse last season. i really don’t mind alicia, but #justicefortatum because leighton really just ignored the literal heartbreak and trauma that alicia caused her but drew the line at tatum making some (distasteful) comments when she really could’ve shown her the same patience everyone at the center showed her last sem.

all of the sensitivities she learned about the members of the center and the relationships she built with everyone there took time!!! but she refused to give tatum that :/ she really had more patience with that conservative kappa alumni than she did her own girlfriend.

(and just realistically it made sense to keep tatum around because at least midori is busy with grey’s now, gracie deserves to be booked too!!)

ps: maybe it’s the santana lopez/quinn fabray supremacist in me but a mean girl never really hurt anybody so my girl tatum deserved a better ending

By all means preach away Anon because I'm clearly not over it either. So frustrating when a story could work but it's so lazily done. And I am starting to call it lazy because I know they can do better and I don't see why the writers weren't willing to leave Leighton's story on a sort of cliffhanger like with the other girls. Why did we need a speedrun of this in two episodes? Really cheapens her character and I hate saying that because I love Leighton and I would love to be wholeheartedly happy for her.

I agree, it didn't seem fair and you're so right that Tatum was hardly anything like Leighton was beginning of last season. And okay fair, maybe Leighton doesn't wanna put in the emotional labour of educating someone like she was educated. But then bitch patiently explains inclusive language to gen x Kappas! And it's not like this was Tatum's third strike or anything. Hate to say it but the way it was written makes Leighton seem like she was looking for a reason to dump Tatum because Alicia reentered the picture. And I know it in my bones that wasn't the intention, but intentions don't mean much to me when you lower your standards of writing. Can you tell I'm really mad when writers choose laziness haha.

It's so convenient for the show to act like it's been building on where we left Leighton at the end of season 1 but it hasn't and it can't lie to me. Leighton has not been missing the women's center or its peeps, that's a big fat lie. Not once did she indicate otherwise. And to be clear I don't have an issue with Alicia nor do I wanna get into the dead horse convo of her breakup with Leighton, but it's true that Tatum proved herself to be understanding, patient, and reassuring, only to be discarded like that because she's a fraction of how rude Leighton used to be.

Had they portrayed her as a bitch all this time and gave any signs that Leighton was uncomfortable with that, fine. I'd still find it a little uninspired but I would have bought the whole "foil to Leighton" thing. But that didn't happen! They just pulled that out of their ass at the last minute. I mean ffs they discussed a safe word 😭 Cause Leighton presumably knew very well that this wasn't Tatum's scene. And you won't hear me say that Tatum wasn't being bitchy, but my god was it really that bad that with no preamble she deserves that talking to and dumping? I don't think so. The writers didn't create the bitch they thought they did in Tatum, not in her relationship with Leighton. And if one more person says we were just "blinded by the chemistry of Gracie and Reneé" I'm THROWING HANDS. Fuck you, I know what I saw, I know what was actually written. I care about storytelling and this was ain't it.

So you could say I also have some things to say, Anon. Idk where they're going with this, if Leighton and Alicia are gonna breakup early on in season 3 anyway. I truly don't much care for that because I think the damage to Leighton's ch has already been done and it's not like Alicia was the cause of that or anything. I'm just bummed that instead of seeing her arc unfold organically in season 3 we had this lackluster speedrun and now, what? I'm sure they have plans for her but now every time she gets on her high horse it will feel empty. Unlike her friendships with her roommates, Leighton's change of heart here did not feel like a natural progression at all. And I love me a bitch with a heart of gold, like, loooooooove, but goddam give her time.

#the quinntana supremacist in me also mourns tatum #NOT because she's hot my god if one more person accuses me of that #fuck you lmao i'm clearly caring about the story here #anyway anon glad i can provide a safe space to rant #and offer some more ranting #tslocg asks #anon #tslocg #bitching about leightum again #but like fuck all i want is for leighton to have a proper story why people gotta act like this was well written

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somehowmags · 10 months

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absolutely!! im a die hard vil stan who likes to break his character down so i can definitely see why people dislike him, but sometimes i get the impression that people who dislike him, dislike him for the wrong reasons. people tend to harp on vil for his strictness, but i don't often see people criticize riddle for the same thing when it's arguably one of the focal points of riddle's character and his ob. while vil's control over epel did create some discrepancies during the vdc, he learned to ease off epel and be more open towards epel's achievements. so yes, there was fault in vil's actions and epel's anger is very much justifiable, but i don't think it should be viewed just through the lens of the initial problem when both characters realize things later on and the characters morality in this game are often more complex. not to mention, people tend to overlook the fact that epel eventually becomes determined to follow in vil's form of strength and charisma as his protégé, so it's not like he's continously being used by vil as a conduit to live through. also, people tend to sympathize with leona more over vil when their core struggles have many similarities (never being able to just be no. 1 no matter what they do. leona and vil are constantly being overshadowed by others because of something utterly and completely out of their control; leona is a higher ranking member in society compared to vil too, so it wouldn't be hard to understand that vil wants to just win when they understand leona so badly wants to be king) and it just saddens me to see how much they overlook vil for the same thing they love others for because vil is such a beautiful, tragic, and inspiring character.?? for a gacha game, i learned quite a lot about resilience and effort from him; it even gave me an incentive to monitor my health better. like i can relate to the notion of just-- no matter how hard you work, no matter how talented you are, no matter how objectively better you are in every single way, it will never be a guarantee for your dreams in a world that so easily squanders it AND ITS MAKES ME INSANE!!!! I WANT TO BE HIM, I AM HIM, I WANT HIM, I WANT HIM TO EXPLODE, VIL MAKES ME MENTALLY ILL!!!!! like yea you're deranged about him and i am too and i am so glad because vil fans who are balls 2 tha walls about him are lowk hard to find

- same anon raving about vil from before

yessss this is so so true i am shaking ur hand so much rn...epel and vil's relationship develops in a really fun way the moment where epel like, Gets what vil is trying to tell him in book 5 after vil promotes the apple juice is one of my favorites in the whole game! and epel trying to be more like vil and trying to get him to tell him more about himself in book 6 is soooooooo! their relationship is so good. vil really genuinely wants epel to succeed, theyre just not good at communicating with each other at first and people tend to take that as the end all be all of their relationship

but honestly bold of you to assume that people understand leona LMAO i have seen. some takes. i would honestly say more people sympathize with vil over leona but ive already hit my quota on discussing fandom racism for the month so that will have to be a post for another time ANYWAYS him and vil really are similar...that's why theyre so divorced lol recognition of the self through the other (derogatory). but theyre also really good leaders in their own right, like now that i'm reading portfest for the first time im really impressed at how leona handled jack's situation! (rook was like "i can see im not getting through to you maybe you should talk to someone you respect" and i was like omg is it gonna be leona. and then it cut to the greenhouse and i was like YESSSSS YESSSSSSSSSS!!!! ruggie and jack imagining leona's reactions to their concert was also super cute. i love the savanaclaw guys' relationships sm lmao) akjsddfhlaksdhfh riddle and vil are also super similar true, i think people just excuse riddle more since we've had more time to see him develop and his overblot was less extreme than. everyone elses lmao

in conclusion ive GOTTA put this guy through the pasta machine

#asks #SORRY THIS WAS LONG AGAIN. I HAVE MANY THINGS TO SAY #vil stans unite #twst #vil schoenheit

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