#apparently this is an adhd thing
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Shoutout to AuDHD kids who were told to just "be who you are" but then when you were, you got told "no not like that".
#starspeak#actually autistic#autism#audhd#actually adhd#adhd#adhd problems#actually audhd#audhd things#reach tags out of the way: im a lil salty lmao#100#250#500#750#how tf#greatest hits#apparently#god damn
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Gorgeous
(inspired by t. swift's song)
Harry knew the moment that Draco walked into the bar. He always knew, there was something about the way he carried himself; his magic hot and bright, burning its way up Harry's spine before he'd even actually seen him. He turned his head, craning his neck to get a glimpse of the other man.
"Malfoy must be here," Ron grumbled.
He glanced back at Ron, "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Just that every time he shows up here, you tune out most of what anyone has to say," Seamus piped up.
Harry glared at him, "Shut it. I do not."
"You do," Lavender replied as she slid in next to Parvati across from Hermione. "And it's just so sad because he talks to everyone but you."
He frowned, he had tried to convince himself that it was just his imagination that Draco talked to everyone else and intentionally ignored him. But before he could say anything more, Draco was at their table, he said, "this is Clement," gesturing to the attractive man on his arm before sitting down next to Hermione and immediately striking up a conversation with her.
"It's because he likes you," Blaise said, leaning in closer so Harry could hear him over the noise.
Harry rolled his eyes, "Yeah, right." Draco came with a different date every week, he wasn't interested in Harry.
Blaise shrugged, "Suit yourself but I'm telling you, Potter, that boy's been obsessed with you for years."
Shoving Blaise's shoulder Harry tried to put it from his mind. But as the night wore on, Harry watched Draco talking to everyone in their friend group but him (just like he always did) and when Draco got up to go to the loo, Harry couldn't help but follow. Not wanting to be a perv, he waited outside.
When Draco emerged, he immediately jumped, hand over his heart, "Circe's tits, Potter! What are you doing?"
Instead of answering his question, Harry's inebriated brain supplied one of it's own, "Why won't you talk to me?"
"Excuse me?" Draco asked, looking around as though he thought someone was playing a trick on him.
"I mean, we were friends, right?" he asked, knowing that he sounded more than a little desperate and pathetic. "Like 8th year, we sorted out all of our shit, forgave each other, right?"
"Potter, what are you on about?"
"It's just," he sighed and stared at Draco, wondering if he looked at him hard enough if he'd be able to understand him, "you never talk to me. And you talk to everyone else."
"You should be flattered," Draco said before turning away.
Without thinking Harry reached out and grabbed his hand, giving him a gentle tug, "Wait," he said.
"Adam is waiting," Draco said, not looking up to meet Harry's eyes.
"I thought you said his name was Clement?" Harry murmured.
And before he could do anything else, Draco was pressing him back against the wall and kissing him.
Harry's arms instinctively wrapped around him, drawing him in closer as he kissed him back just as desperately.
"That's what you get for touching my hand in a dark hallway," Draco muttered, nipping at Harry's lips.
"I ought to grab your hand more often, then," Harry replied, tugging Draco's body flush against his own so he could kiss him again.
Draco kissed him back for a long, tension filled moment, body surging and pressing against Harry's before he pulled back, "I fucking hate you."
Harry blinked at him, feeling like he was experiencing whiplash, his brain moving too slow, unutterably confused by the mixed signals he was receiving from Draco's body and his words. "What-" he started, but then Draco was kissing him again.
"I hate your stupid face, and your stupid green eyes," he continued as his hands slid under his tshirt and Harry groaned. "I hate the way you grew into your stupid body; all muscled and handsome. You're so fucking gorgeous, of course I can't talk to you."
"Fuck," he hissed as Draco's nails scraped over his back and Harry flipped their positions, pinning Draco to the wall.
Draco groaned, body shuddering against Harry's as he tried to drag him impossibly closer. "And I hate the way you talk, all honest and earnest, and-" he broke off as Harry sucked hard at his neck. "And I hate that you aren't mine."
Harry pulled back far enough to look him in the eyes, "Draco, you can have me," he said.
"Stop," he whined, giving Harry a shove but immediately tugging him back in. "Don't make fun of me."
"I'm not," Harry assured him. "I want you too, in case that wasn't abundantly clear," he said, pressing forward against Draco's body to emphasize his point.
Draco shook his head, "But I want more than just sex with you. Just sex would never be enough."
"Great," Harry replied, kissing down his neck again and pausing to suck at the bruise he'd left forming on his pale skin.
"I'm serious, Potter," Draco growled, fisting a handful of his hair and pulling until Harry looked him in the eyes again.
"Call me Harry," he said.
Draco rolled his eyes, "I'm serious, Harry. I'm a possessive bastard and I will want to keep you forever."
"Is that a threat or a promise?" Harry asked, feeling a little weak in the knees at the thought of being treasured and kept.
Narrowing his eyes he asked, "Are you being serious?"
"Yes," he said in exasperation, "Draco. I want you, too. I've been head over tits for you for ages."
"Really?" he asked, looking back and forth between Harry's eyes.
"Ask literally any of our friends," he said. "Yes. Really." He leaned in and gave him another soft, tentative kiss.
Draco shuddered and wrapped his arms around Harry's neck, "Take me home," he whispered.
"From here?"
Draco nodded, eyes closed.
He rubbed his nose over Draco's cheek, "What about-" he broke off trying to remember the bloke's name, "what's-his-name?"
"Who?" Draco asked, hands slipping under Harry's waistband and distracting him even further.
"Your date?" he prompted even as his fingers tangled in Draco's hair, turning his to the side to give himself better access to Draco's neck.
Draco whimpered, body arching against Harry's. He waved a hand, "I don't give a fuck. Take me home. Right now." Then softly, in Harry's ear, "Please," he all but moaned and Harry's self control snapped.
He apparated them right from there, straight into his bed, and suddenly Draco had absolutely no problem talking to him.
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Read more of my fics inspired by songs, if you'd like
tagging the lovely @phoebe-delia since it's taylor swift and that is her jam <3
#drarry#getting together#inspired by taylor swift#draco just really does have the same energy as her#silly#love#fics inspired by songs#a little making out#apparently we've fixed the writer's block- thanks everyone who's left me encouragement and kindness on the things I've posted this week <3#It's zero to one hundred over here there is no in between. ADHD man.
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adhd is when you shoot for the moon but you forgot the rocket fuel and by the time you realize it everyones already on the moon and then you panic and crash into the sun and it explodes
#my meds stopped working and i didnt know thats something that can fucking happen apparently???#like i knew eventually my body can get used to medicine that the effect kind of dulls but for some reason this time around i thought#that my body just decided to become lazier since the meds were already working anyway. cuz thats the thing as soon as smth is made#easier for me even if its the thing thats supposed to make the disability less disabling i get too relaxed and end up fucking up anyway#so i assumed my fucking cells worked the same way LMAO. they still technically work like i can feel my energy spike when it kicks in#but everything else like focus and memory went down and i thought oh so its just a me problem then. my habits are getting worse#even though ive been doing everything the same like setting reminders checking my schedule. hell ive been setting MORE reminders#to make up for the memory thing and i didnt even realize i just knew i had to compensate since it feels like my memory is getting#worse again. and i only figured this out bc my brother showed me an icecreamsandwich video with him talking about the EXACT FUCKING#THING IM GOING THRU WORD FOR WORD#i have to bring this up with my doctor next week so maybe i have to take different meds. i wonder if this will be a recurring thing#i guess one thing that hasnt changed is that im still slow as hell and stuff only comes to me 5 hours after the fact#its 6 in the morning and i only JUST realized that the word froyo is probably short for frozen yogurt#yapping#adhd
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Y’all stop romanticizing and/or dismissing ocd and adhd, it’s not a joke. That’s stuff we have to live with. Thanks. 👍
#Like- im constantly in thought#Cant turn my brain off#And compulsively searching things and doing things. And I pick my skin. I HAVE problems#But it’s a joke to you apparently#like- you call anyone who has it worse than me a slur and call anyone like me or better “QuIrKy”#My mind is in a dark place#and you don’t seem to get that#If I hear one more neurotypical person go: “sorry UwU im so ocd” I will lose my FUCKIN-#and while we're at it#how about you be nice to pw cluster b personality disorders and stuff as well? It would be nice if you didn’t treat narcs as less than huma#Cuz they have feelings too.#actually adhd#actually ocd#ocd#adhd#stigma
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me: “i can’t be ADHD and autistic”
also me: has rewatched the same youtube series so many times (autism) that i now listen to it like its music when i’m working and have no motivation (adhd)
#also also me: set a three minute timer to post this so i could get it out of my brain but not get distracted#adhd#autism#actually autistic#Actually ADHD#actually neurodivergent#adhd memes#autism memes#neurodivergent memes#living with adhd#just autistic things#just autism things#just adhd things#audhd#apparently that's a term?! dope#autistic and adhd
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Haven't been following the James Somerton drama closely but it's become so ridiculous that it's funny
Is no one going to talk about the fact that he said that he thought it was okay for him to mention Vito Russo in the opening credits and then never mention him again because his book was out of print and Russo was dead....
And then in the same breath say that he was 'extending Russo's legacy' like my brother in Christ do you even hear yourself-
#hbomberguy#james somerton#vito russo#the celluloid closet#like lmao wtf#also the reason he plagiarized was because uh *clears throat*#he is ADHD and his mom had cancer and then she died and his father was grieving and he has epilepsy and memory issues and ajdjkdkskakskhdh#sorry my brain fizzled out#not saying thag life isn't harder because of all these things#BUT NONE OF THEM MADE YOU A SHITTY PERSON JAMES#THAT WAS ALL YOU. YOUR FAULT.#also apparently the other reason he took words from smaller queer creators was because people would listen to him as a cis white man#and not to them#fuck you james#hes so pathetic its funny#but then i remember how many people he has hurt#oh by the way edited versions of his videos are back up because nick should have his own portfolio#sure james sure#its all for nick
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Photo
The ADHD energy in this bit is off the charts
#sorry for the lack of alt id; apparently for image posts it won't let you add them even in HTML editing?#anyway#psych#adhd#in which i say things
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love waking up from a dream having been gifted with THE MOST PROFOUND KNOWLEDGE THAT I MUST WRITE DOWN AND SHARE WITH THE WORLD IMMEDIATELY only to properly wake up like 2 minutes later and being like "this is nonsense".
#i dreamt my friend from okinawa was teaching in the classroom underneath mine (apparently there was a classroom underneath mine)#and the kids from his classroom kept escaping and coming into mine via stairs i didn't even know existed#and he described them as 'indigo children' looking for 'the road of dreams'#and then he came to me afterwards - having turned into patrick stewart but retaining his hair - and he said:#'do you know the way to the road of dreams? first you must go up'#and i had a little tricycle/truck hybrid thing with an inflatable hamburger some wooden blocks and a beach ball stuck to the back#and i was like. this is it. this is the key. if i have these things then i can find the road of dreams#and i woke up like okay i must write this down i must remember this#and it took me between getting off my bed and turning on the air con to go 'wait no this is dream nonsense'#i did find out indigo children were actually like a pseudoscience thing in the 1970s/80s though so there you go#and the characteristics that describe indigo children are pretty much me haha#and then i kept reading and it was like 'a lot of so-described indigo children actually have adhd'#but parents prefered to believe their kid was gifted and destined to lead a religious revolution than to accept they had 'a disorder'#so that makes sense lmao
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is not being able to tell when you're speaking loudly/hearing your own voice at the same volume as the people around you are speaking but still being told you're talking twice as loud/thinking you're purposefully being quiet but being told you're still being loud like... a symptom of something??
#I've literally had a couple of youth group kids tell me that I'm talking too loud and I CAN'T TELL#I think I'm regulating my volume but apparently I'm Not!!#is this an adhd thing?#Lu rambles#someone help I want to get to the bottom of this
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You know people don’t tell you this but apparently when you are actually on meds for your ADHD you suddenly gain the ability to just… make spreadsheets
Two years ago me barely even touched google sheets. Today me is constantly like “hmm you know what I could do with all this information I’m gathering? Make an intense multi tab spreadsheet as a quick reference guide :)”
Wild shit
#personal#adhd#spreadsheets#seriously though I have never been simultaneously more and less organized#currently my latest hyperfixation is my desire to get into doll customization#I have one spreadsheet dedicated to documenting doll YouTuber videos to reference for things like hairstyles#another tab for listing all the articulated doll brands I might want to look into getting#another spreadsheet dedicated to listing all my ocs and what supplies I might need for each#like trying to decide if I want to go nylon/Saran doll hair or yarn hair#a separate master list tab of YouTube video tutorials for specific things like making doll wheelchairs#so yeah!! my brain really has said ‘it’s spreadsheet time babie’#genuinely though the first thing I really noticed about my meds is that I could like. actually work on organizing my thoughts#and apparently the way that manifests is: spreadsheets and lists#highly recommend
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My psychiatrist: sorry I need to write this down - I love how you describe your experiences; you’re not a box checker type and the language you use is really insightful
Me: this is good I’m getting a good grade in mental illness. normal to want possible to achieve etc etc.
#ra speaks#personal#she’s very sweet and I like how she approaches my brain struggles#like we both agree that official diagnosis at this point would only help if I needed it for specific meds#but also I feel like not being diagnosed gives me the freedom to describe how I process and deal with things#without a lens of ‘oh that’s just how ocd and adhd is’#(my autism is a bit different bc of how strongly it affects me)#but my psychiatrist has suggested that I have some ocd tendencies (looking back on my bfrds uh. yeah. but also some of my ritual stuff.)#(as in yes autism tends to lead to specific routines/rituals but apparently mine have an ocd flavor)#anyways no point in this post really it’s just nice to not have my every thought and action pathologized and instead approached as a complex#and dynamic system of inputs and outputs
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Ah yes my doctor's (wait no nurse practitioner because I can't even get a doctor apparently) response to my frequent headaches, extreme exhaustion, numbness in hands and feet, therapist's suggestion that I get tested for iron deficiency, concerns about long-term memory/focus/concentration issues and questions about ADHD assessment was ... "Lose some weight, maybe you'll feel better."
🥲
#She begrudgingly sent me for some bloodwork and gave me some forms to fill out about ADHD but she will not follow up on anything for a month#Cool#She also said there was a program at the clinic with a dietician but then proceeded to not give me the information or referral for it#So like if weight loss is apparently your biggest concern why won't you give me the info for this program???#Personally I think overweight people can have other health issues that 'lose some weight' doesn't fix!!#And also that it's usually all tied together in that you can't lose weight unless you start treating certain things that are stopping you#I'm sorry I can't stay on top of rigorous exercise because of my unmanaged severe chronic pain?? That you only recently FINALLY did#anything about but now I still have to wait another 2 months to see the specialist. Even though I had been saying for YEARS that the pain#was a constant serious problem
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where are my fellow ADHD havers who drink coffee at night to help them sleep cuz their brain is broken??? i love my Night Coffee™
#apparently this is an adhd thing…#adhd#actuallyadhd#attention deficit hyperactivity disorder#neurodivergent#personal#adhd things#adhd life#living with adhd#adhdlife#what kind do y’all do specifically. im a caramel iced coffee fan#with ungodly amounts of sugar and milk
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just doing some thinking about the adderall shortage
#People are having their lives ruined LMAO!#It just feels completely unacceptable that this was allowed to happen#and I think the reason more people aren't up in arms about it is because it's /just adhd/#assflash newshole. Apparently adderall also treats narcolepsy which is a new thing I just learned#But that's beside the point because adhd is completely debilitating to many people LMAO#People are losing their jobs. Dropping out of schools. Destroying relationships...#It makes me so ANGRY#I don't think this is the kind of thing you can sue for but I wish it was#I wish people were getting any form of restitution for this. Just... Anything#Like. Imagine being on meds for years without an issue and then a shortage hits and you start getting symptoms again.#You miss a few too many deadlines. Don't complete a few too many assignments. Take a few too many mental health days#because it's exhausting to live like this#But somehow this is all a You Problem and it's Your Fault and you deserve to be PUNISHED???? for this???#if you failed a college class this year because you weren't able to access your lifesaving medication:#in a good world you'd get your tuition reimbursed#and people who lost their jobs should be paid unemployment directly from the bank accounts of adderal manufacturers
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what if i poofed back in 2 existence wud that b cool w/ u
#smh idek when i was here last but liek heyyy :p#thats if u even remember me lmeow cuz i wudnt blame ya if u didnt#unintelligible gamer girl meows#(( hiii sorry ive been gone!! tldr dealt with loads of illness related stuff plus mental health taking a plunge#(( i miss the rp and writing silly things. so im testing the waters on getting back into it again#(( oh yea new big thing is that APPARENTLY im autistic with a dash of adhd. which explains many things!!!!!!!!!
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Also kind of funny how people say i’m quite discreet and don’t talk a lot when i’m afraid i talk too much (maybe too loud or too fast) and afraid i ended up annoyed them. (Can smn explain pls xD)
anyway it’s late i apologize if it doesn’t make so much sense it is late)
#i mean i know teachers have been tellign for years i don’t participate enough in class. sorry i just have nothing to say or don’t want too#also my pseudo/ nickname is literally fantomette aka ghost/ fantôme (feminine nickname) because i’m silencious#and people don’t know where i am (in my own house!) and now apparently i spawn next to people xD#yeah had a nice evening where i talked more with nice acquaintances at schools! and yeah i wonder…#is it a neurodivergent moment 😅#when i’m passion about smt i talk. A LOT. maybe too much. i always reflect how i say dumb things or perhaps ´cut’ too much people#and that i should just shut it and listen#cut = too much intervention/ adding stuff?#so yeah nice suprised i supposed. but yeah if i don’t directly talk to smn or have nothing to say well i listen/ go on my phone/ daydream#i already talk to myself a lot. not ok to do that in public lol#so yeah interesting 🤔 if smn know smt about well that subject could be cool#didn’t have anyone really close so i hang myself to group. but that’s cool re having friends time like earlier today with other cool people#autism adhd ? infj or just well me being me who knows i still don’t know
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