Thinking about how deranged this thanksgiving was.

I hit a kid with my cane. I popped so many painkillers. I hit a kid with my cane again. I went black Friday shopping and came back only with things that weren't on sale. I hit that kid with my cane so hard in the shin he's gonna need a cane, too. I had a religious crisis. I threw my cane at that kid in the passenger seat because he said I don't need handicap parking. Some dude dressed in a really nice santa costume was just standing at the end of his driveway waving at cars and I barked violently at him. I fucking punched that kid. I spent more money on a dog than my family. I still bought that kid ice cream because I hate him but I hate the company I took the money from more. At some point I just fell asleep under the dinner table. I played Minecraft with that kid and he's a fucking loser. I had a whole therapy session in the car trauma dumping for the two hour drive home. I'm going to ruin that kids life I'm just too tired right now. It's been days and I still feel hungover. I didn't even drink.

Needless to say I think the spirit of doctor House possessed me for thanksgiving. Either way 10/10 would do again and Christmas is either gonna put me in jail or back on Lexapro

BABYGIRL, jake "hangman" seresin

summary: in which hangman and his babygirl go on a wild ride with an unplanned pregnancy and finally admitting their feelings for each other and figuring out life in general as new parents

warnings: pregnancy, morning sickness, smut, like alot of smut in this one, christmas themed even though it's march!, ex boyfriend meets new boyfriend and it's not pretty. rooster becomes a cowboy.

hi my loves :) been a minute for this one huh? anyway, please remember that this series is open for requests!

series masterlist here, series playlist here.

thank @mamachasesmayhem for making our new header, shes the bestest !!

PART FOUR - the parents. 

If you thought Jake was bad before the incident at the bar, he was even worse now. He hovered, and he followed, and when he wasn’t available to hover and follow, he enlisted his friends to do it for him and send quarterly reports back to him. You found it endearing at first, but as Thanksgiving came and went you were thoroughly annoyed and at wits end. It was one time, and you were doing so much better since your small stint in the labor and delivery ward of the hospital (that Jake declared you would not be giving birth in because he didn’t like the way the nurses talked to you sometimes), you had regular check ins with your doctor, and were taking medications and drinking as much liquid IV as you could to keep hydrated during spouts of being too nauseated to eat. You continuously told Jake that he didn’t need to have his friends watching over you on their days off, but he continuously did not listen to you (the Seresin Selective Hearing coming in full stride), so you were continuously apologizing to whichever poor squadron member was spread out on your couch or lingering in your kitchen when you would venture out of your bed in the morning. Your favorite days were Bob and Natasha days, Bob was always so sweet and gentle and calm. Though he still followed you with his eyes whenever you left his general area, you didn’t mind because never asked what you were doing or told you to take it easy. Even though you weren’t always hungry, you had taken to baking him something sweet the night before his days to be with you as a thank you. 

Natasha was just straight up fun. “Fuck Jake.” She had said, and tossed you a pair of comfortable shorts and a shirt and had taken you on a walk down the beach on her first visit with you, and when you had checked her phone later when Jake texted her, you had found the string of lies she had been feeding him all day and laughed about it with her until he got home from work. “How was knitting, babygirl?” He had asked, setting his bag down with a kiss on your head. You grinned and locked eyes with Nat, telling him how calm and quiet it had been. She sent you a wink over his shoulder on her way out the door, and from then on out, she was officially your best girl friend. 

You didn’t mind your days with Rooster either, but he was definitely a little more on edge, probably because he still had a rocky relationship with Jake and didn’t want to do anything to fuck it up, you couldn’t say you blamed him. Javy, on the other hand, was a carbon copy of Jake and the amount of times you had to remember to breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth as you tried not to beat him with a sock full of bars of soap was astonishing. 

And if you thought Jake was bad during November, December was entirely worse the closer you got to christmas. If anything, he was stressing you out more than being sick was but you didn’t have the heart to tell him because he was obviously enjoying being able to take care of you, and who were you to say that he couldn’t? Your nerves and frustration became steadily worse as it got towards that time of the month, you ran around you and Jake’s apartment packing up both of your suitcases because knowing him he’d forget to pack his britches if you didn’t remind him to do it (he had in fact forgotten to pack his britches once on a vacation that both of your families had taken as teens). You also fretted and stewed about what you guys were going to tell your parents. Your small baby bump was no longer small and was kind of just..there. It would be noticed as soon as someone hugged you, and knowing Jake’s mama, she was going to hug you. 

“Stop your worrying, babygirl..” He sighed from your left, his right hand coming to rest on your knee. You guys were crossing into Arizona, one more state left to go before you hit texas, and you were starting to get antsy. He had one hand on the steering wheel, slouched back in his seat as if his truck wasn’t outrageously big and hard to handle. “They’re gonna be okay..” 

You bring your attention to his face, about to speak when you’re cut off by a loud snore in the back seat. You crinkle your nose in slight disgust, peaking behind you. Rooster was as manspread as the backseat of a GMC allowed him to be, his long legs spread wide and his even longer torso leaned against the door and seat as his head rolled against the window. He had had no other plans for the holiday, and you could see the loneliness in his eyes when he said it and gosh darn it you just couldn’t say no to those big sad eyes, so you invited him on the trip home. You thought your dad would love him, and so would Jake’s brothers. “He seems to have made himself comfortable.” You chuckle, turning back around to face the front. Jake only hums in response, his hand going up to rub your belly gently before he takes it away to place it back on the steering wheel. 

Not too much longer after that you noticed a tall McDonalds sign a little ways off the freeway and your stomach grumbled loudly, and your mouth watered as you thought about how good a chicken sandwich and fries sounded. “Jake, baby, get off the freeway up ahead!” You say, whacking his bicep a few times in excitement as you bounce in your seat a little bit. “Pull into the McDonalds!” 

Jake hums in slight disgust but does as you say, who was he to decline you of food when you were hardly ever hungry? He only hoped that you wouldn’t throw it up all over his freshly cleaned interior. 

Two chicken sandwiches and french fries later, you were back on the road, dancing in your seat happily to whatever was streaming through the radio as you munched on french fries and an M&M McFlurry. 

Jake was insistent on making the long drive to the Seresin Ranch in one go, he hated stopping, so what part of the drive wasn’t spent with you and Rooster goofing off with each other, playing weird car games and trying to rope Jake into them, was spent with you sleeping, which is what you were doing when Jake slowed his truck down to turn left onto a long dirt road, the metal archway just above the electric fence that slid open spelled out his family’s name in big bold lettering. 

It hadn’t snowed just yet in this part of Texas but it was definitely cold enough to have frozen some of the water puddles that littered the well worn dirt drive so he drove carefully, both hands on the wheel just as you started to stir in your seat, your head having bounced off the window as he hit a particularly big pothole. You groaned, rubbing your eyes and your belly. It wasn’t going to be a secret too much longer, you realized as your bleary eyes focused on the lights of the ranch house just up ahead. 

“Sorry Babygirl, I was trying to be gentle..” He murmurs, looking over at you with a slight pout tugging at the corners of his lips. You hum in response, stretching in your seat. You could make out your Daddy’s John Deere Gator the closer you got, and you started to get more nervous and excited all at the same time. You had told all of your family that two of you were together, you weren’t really sure how else you were supposed to explain your prolonged trip to California where you essentially moved in with him, but you both had been hesitant to tell them about the baby, knowing that questions were going to be asked, and that his Mama was going to want to fly out the moment you told her, and you just weren’t ready for that. You weren’t really ready for this either, but you knew you didn’t have a choice. 

“S’okay,” You yawned, checking in the backseat. Rooster had started dozing off again too so you shook his knee, his eyes flew open instantly and he sat up at attention. “We’re home..” You say. The Seresin’s home was just as much yours as your own home was, and the same went for Jake with your house. The two of you were always at one or the other, practically living at each others houses in the summers, this was and always had been home, and if you wanted to be really sentimental and make yourself cry, Jake had always been your home too. 

Rooster moves his head so it’s poking out between the two of you, over the center console of the truck. “Damn, Jake..” He breathes, taking in what bit of the ranch he could see in the dark of the night, the big texan sky giving little illumination tonight. You knew that his words would really be emphasized in the morning when he saw it in all of it’s glory. The Seresin Ranch was a working ranch, full of cattle and acres of land, whereas yours was only a personal ranch, your father living off of the land and making enough money here and there off of cattle sales. It was more than enough to raise you and support your mama, it had been a happy life, but life at the Seresin’s was just different. 

“You ain’t seen nothin’ yet, Bradshaw.” Jake drawls, pulling his truck into the drive, right behind his mama’s much smaller SUV. The dome lights pop on overhead as he opens his door before pulling the keys out of the ignition, not bothering to honk the horn to alert them of your guys’ presence. He was more worried about getting you out of the car and into bed. It was damn near midnight by now, and you had only been dozing for less than an hour. He knew you and the baby needed sleep. 

He comes around the front of the truck and opens your door in the time it takes for you to unbuckle and stretch in your seat, Bradley having gotten out as soon as Jake did. “Come on mama, lets get you inside..” When he wasn’t calling you Babygirl, he had taken to calling you mama and it did something else entirely to your already hormonally raging body and when it rolled off of his tongue in his own mama’s driveway, you just knew you were in for the longest christmas of your life because there was no way in hell you were getting down and dirty in Mama Seresin’s house. You take his outstretched hand and swing your feet out of the truck, landing on the running boards in the dark. “Easy, it’s a little wet.”  

“Thank you, baby..” You say, reaching up on your tiptoes to plant a kiss on his scruffy cheek. He hums, a hand going to the small of your back to pull you flush against his body, or as flush as you can be with a round belly. “You ready?” You ask quietly, listening to Bradley unload the luggage from the bed of the truck. 

Jake sighs, rubbing the small of your back. “Not really,” He says, pulling back to look down at you with a little grin on his lips. “But it will be better the faster we get in there and get the shock and surprise done and over with.” You nod in response and he simply kisses your forehead, going to help Bradley with the bags. 

The boys are the first ones into the house, you follow them almost sheepishly, heat blooming across your face when you realize that this is it. Your daddy is in the midst of hugging Jake, giving him a “Good to have you home, son”, and shaking Bradley’s hand, an impressed look across his typically hardened features when he realizes how strong his grip is. “You can tell how good a man is by how strong he grips your hand.” He always says, and Bradley must be a damn good man because your daddy shakes his hand out when they pull away. 

His eyes lock on you standing in the open door of the Seresin house, a home that was just as much a second house to you as it was to your daddy, and a grin spreads across his face. “Com’ere, honey!”He practically shouts, pulling you into him by the arms. Your belly presses against his as his arms go around you, and just as he’s rubbing your back he seems to notice it, hands gripping you by the shoulder he pushes you away for a moment, looking down. “...honey?” 

Jake is by your side almost immediately, ready to step in if needed. “Sir, Mama, Daddy..” He says, addressing his whole family. His brothers are behind his mom, and they’re all looking on with interest. “We have an announcement..” 

You keep your eyes on your dad, watching his face as you speak. “You’re gonna be a Papa, daddy..” You say quietly, wanting him to hear the news first. At first, there’s nothing, no sign of any kind of emotion on his face, eyebrows furrowed, until a grin breaks across his lips. 

“You hear that?!” He shouts, raising your arm up in the air as if he had just won the super bowl. “I’m gonna be a fuggin, Papa!” A chorus of celebration is shouted throughout the entrance of the house, and one by one you hug your way through the family, finally coming to a rest by Bradley about half an hour later, your eyes drooping and shoulders sagging. 

“Alright guys,” Jake says, looking up from his conversation with his mama to see you using Bradshaw as a support pillar. “It’s time to get her to bed, been a long day and a rough few months for her with the pregnancy sickness and all that..” 

The next morning fares slightly less busy for you, though the whole family seems to be home and all eyes are on you when you venture out of Jake’s old bedroom at around eight thirty in the morning, way later than normally allowed on the ranch. You can’t help the blush that creeps up your face as you head through the large living room toward the kitchen. “Well good mornin’ Babygirl,” Jake’s brother, Nash, drawls at you, lifting his coffee mug to his lips with a wink as he passes you in the kitchen doorway. His boots were covered in dirt and it was clear that he and his brother had all been out working already. “Sleep good?”

“Yeah, actually.” You say, smile on your face as you walk into the kitchen, opening the fridge. “Morning, Mama..” You smile, looking over your shoulder at Jake’s mom. “You send Bradley out to work with the boys?”

She was handling a slab of some kind of meat, putting it in a marinade, probably for dinner tonight you realize. “He’s running cattle with Jake and Brian, doin’ a damn fine job of it too from what Nash just told me.” She says, turning to the sink to wash her hands before turning back to you just as you’re pouring yourself a glass of orange juice. “Can I see the belly?” 

You laugh, but oblige, not even stopping to think about how you look much farther along than the amount of time that you’ve been with Jake as you lift your shirt, and walk around the kitchen island. Her hands go to her face and she grins happily before reaching out to touch your belly, warm hands gently caressing the skin. “It’s Dalton’s, isn’t it?” She asks, suddenly, looking up at you and you choke on the juice you were sipping on, stepping back away from her hands. “Oh relax honey, I’m not upset, honest..but do you think I was born yesterday? I’ve had five babies, i’m not stupid.” 

“I, um..” You stammer, not sure what to say. You and Jake hadn’t prepared for this at all. You climb up onto a stool that sat at the Island, your head spinning. “Ma’am, I can explain..”

She waves her hand in the air, looking at you with noting but love as she smiles. “Babygirl,” It really was your God given name when it came to this family, you realize. “We all knew you were gonna end up together at some point in time, and if this is what brought you together then so be it, I could care less..my son isn’t stupid, I know he know’s that baby isn’t his and I’m just glad that it kicked you both in your asses finally…” 

You spend the morning talking with her, helping her prepare the foods for dinner. You were honestly relieved that she knew the truth, and even more relieved that she wasn’t upset at all. You knew Jake would be happy too, he hated keeping secrets (especially from his mama). 

Once you were finished in the kitchen, you made your way over to your family’s property, climbing over the fence like you used to when you were kids. It was chilly out, you wore one of Jake’s hoodies and a pair of sweatpants as you made your way to the burial site for your mama, spending a little while there before making your way to the house. Your daddy was gone, off in town somewhere so you meandered around on your own, finding yourself in your old bedroom, staring happily at the photos of you and Jake throughout the years that you had stuck to various surfaces. 

He found you there an hour later, going through old things in your dresser drawer. “You look so damn good in my clothes, babygirl..” He says, pressing his lips in a chaste kiss just below your ear. You hadn’t heard him come in and he scared the bejeezus out of you, which makes him grin as he looks at you in the mirror, his hands going under the hem of his maroon aggies hoodie and straight to your stomach. “Been looking for you all day babygirl..”

You sigh happily as his lips find their way down your neck, his cowboy hat lifting off of his head as he goes. “You found me..” You breathe, watching him in the mirror. Your hormones were horrible lately, and you were always ready to go for him and it seemed like he could sense it on you, almost like a dog. You loved it.

“Uh-huh, all alone too..” One of his hands moves from your belly to your tit, his whole hand cupping it with a firm squeeze that has you leaning your head back against him, already putty in his hands. “Y’know..I always wanted to fuck you in here babygirl..” Your thighs clench at his words, his voice and musky smell from working outdoors all day flooding your senses. 

“..please..” You whimper, pressing your ass back against his denim clad half hard cock, turning your head to capture his lips though he doesn’t let you. He catches your jaw in his hand, cocking an eyebrow at you. 

“What was that, babygirl?” He asks softly, his other hand dropping from your tit to pull your hips back against him even more, rubbing himself against you. “You askin’ me to fuck you?” The hand that was still on your belly moves down lower, slipping with ease into the waistband of your sweatpants, or rather, his sweatpants, and into your panties, cupping your already disgustingly wet mound. “Yeah..you were askin’ me to fuck you.” He practically growls, voice a deep rumble in his chest. 

You’re not entirely sure how it happens, but somehow you’re bent over your dresser, arms bracing yourself upright as Jake slams into you from behind, your head thrown back against his chest as his thick cock hits that spot that has you seeing nothing but white spots and saying only his name. One of your legs is cocked up on the top of the dresser, the position giving him better access to your pussy from behind, his hands gripping your hips with what you’re sure is a bruising strength but you couldn’t possibly care less because god, Jacob Seresin was fucking you in your teenaged bedroom and it was all you could fucking think about. 

“Jake, jake, jake, oh-, my..ohhhhh” You sputtered out, your pussy clenching down on him so hard that he thought it was going to bruise. 

“Yeah, I know babygirl, I know..” He grunts in your ear, lips marking up any inch of visible skin he possibly could. He felt fucking feral in that moment, but goddamn it was the best feeling. “That’s my fuckin’ girl..takin’ my cock so fuckin’ good f’me babygirl..so fuckin’ good..” There’s not even words leaving your mouth anymore, just filthy, lewd sounds as he continues to fuck you into oblivion, your legs going weak as a third orgasm hits you like a wall of bricks, your arms going weak to the point that you start to collapse. 

“Aht-aht, I gotcha,” He’s chasing his own orgasm as wraps his arm around you, a hand at the base of your throat to force you to look into the mirror. “Look at you babygirl, look at how fucking sexy you look like this, huh?” You could swear there were tears coming out of your eyes, but you wanted to look but you couldn’t tear your gaze away from his eyes in the mirror, looking into the beautiful expanse of green as he fucked into you with wreckless abandon. 

“I love you, i love, i love you..” You mewl, back arching as the overstimulation of your three orgasms starts to rockett though your body, you keep chanting it, not able to stop the flow of words even as you feel hot ropes of his cum paint your insides, even when he finally stops fucking into you and finally just holds you to him, cock still stuffed into your overflowing pussy. 

“Holy fuckin’ shit baby..” He breathes, head dropping to your shoulder as you both catch your breath. You can’t help but let out a chuckle. “Look at you makin’ all my teenage dreams come true, huh?” 

“Just like that song, right baby?” You say meekly, your body completely exhausted now that he had worn you out. He smiles against your skin, placing a loving kiss as he starts to finally pull out of you, his cock going flaccid. “M’sleepy..” You say, a yawn over taking you as you stretch, Jake having wandered off out of your room. 

“Should probably take a nap, huh?” He says, a damp rag hanging from his hands as he bends down to help clean you up. You jump at the sensation, your pussy still sensitive. He places a kiss at your pelvic bone, looking up at you almost apologetically as you run a hand softly through his mussed hair. “Mama is making some kind of roast for supper, be ready in a few hours i think..” And then you remember your conversation from earlier. “What’s wrong with your face?” 

“Jake, baby..” He stands up after helping you back into your sweatpants, ever the fucking gentleman he is. “Your Mama knows..” 

“What do you mean?” He asks, wrapping his arms around your waist after placing his stetson back on his head. His eyebrows are furrowed, and as you look down at your belly and look back up at him he suddenly realizes. “How?!” 

“She asked to see my belly this morning,” You say, resting your chin on his chest as you look up at him, arms wrapping around him. “She’s not stupid, baby..she’s only had a million of you boys, she knows how far along i should look if we were basing the baby off of how long we’ve been together..”

Jake hums, kissing your forehead. “Was she mad?” You shake your head, small smile on your lips. “Good, because I don’t like fighting with my Mama, but I would have if she was mad at you, at us..” You squeeze him then, realizing once more that this man truly does love you. “Let’s get back, yeah? I think your daddy is coming over too..”

Christmas with Jake’s family is amazing, you had spent weeks finding and wrapping gifts for each of his brothers, and even his Mama too. His daddy on the other hand, you just gave a smile and a kiss on the cheek as you slipped him a new canister of chewing tobacco, to which he grumbles a thank you and pats your belly. Your own daddy is almost brought to tears as you hand him his present, a gift wrapped scrap book (something your mama had been very into doing), some the pages full of your pregnancy journey so far. 

“Honey, this is the best gift..” He says, eyes watery as he pulls you in for a big hug, planting a wet kiss to the top of your head. 

From everyone in the family, you and Jake received alot of baby gifts, clothes and rattles and what nots..and from your daddy, a yellow quilted blanket, just the right size for a little baby or toddler with your mama’s first and middle initials stitched into one of the corners. You lifted it to your nose and inhaled, it smelled of her perfume. 

“Daddy..” You voice quivers just as much as your lips, your eyes welling with tears. “This is perfect..” You say, showing it to Jake. “It was mama’s baby blanket, she always said that she was saving it for me if I ever had one of my own..” You wipe your eyes with a tissue that Jake hands you. “She must have been working on it before she passed, it smells like her..” You couldn’t even describe how much you missed your mom, how you wished you were going through this time of your life with her by your side, and even though she wasn’t here physically any more, this gift from your Daddy just made it feel as though she was. 

The rest of the day is a blur, the family happily bantering as they all sit down for supper. Bradley had even been welcomed with open arms into the Seresin family, having been ladled with gifts of his own even though he was a last minute addition to the family. You had honestly never been happier, had never felt more at home and at peace than you had in that day. And unfortunately, it all came crashing down the next day. 

You, Jake and Bradley had all decided to save the last day of your trip to pack up your old apartment. There wasn’t much that you actually wanted to take with, most of it just clothes and keep sakes, but it was enough to fill up a small uhaul trailer. You had already listed a bunch of your furniture on sale on FB Marketplace, and were meeting the buyers as Jake carried things down to the trailer. 

About halfway through the day, when you’re freezing and tired and ready to take a nap, the devil shows up at the doorstep. “So, I see you’re back in town.” 

You turn from where you had been packing a bunch of your books into a box, heart racing. Jake had gone down the road to the mexican restaurant to pick up lunch for you guys, you had had the sudden craving and who was he to deny it when you spent most of the pregnancy not eating? Bradley was downstairs, he had helped a nice lady carry your couch down and put it into the back of her pick up and hadn’t come back up yet. 

“What do you want?” You ask, a hand going almost protectively to your belly. It was shown off well today, you had opted for workout leggings and a lululemon zip up jacket with a tanktop underneath. Your belly looked quite prominent and it seemed to be the only think his eyes were drawn to. “You shouldn’t be here, Dalton.” 

He sniffs, dark eyes looking up at you. “I see you kept the bastard.” He takes a step into the apartment and you back up, nervous. “Where’s your precious Jakey?” He asks, looking around the corner and down into the hallway. “Word around town is that the two of you are dating now..”

“We are.” You say, swallowing thickly. “We came home for christmas and so I could pack up all of the stuff I want with me in california.” You think you hear footsteps coming down the hallway outside the door and you can only hope that its Jake or Bradley. “What do you want?”

“I want a word with the son of a bitch you cheated on me with.”

“I never-”

“I don’t think thats gonna happen, pal.” Bradley came around the corner into the doorway, leaning against it. He looks at you and you relax only slightly, his black Stetson pulled low over his brow. “I think you need to leave, the lady looks uncomfortable with you being here.” 

“Oh yeah?” Dalton asks, turning to glare at him. “Is she fucking you too?” 

“Dalton!” You half yell, catching his attention as Bradley stands up straight. “I never cheated on you, and I’m not fucking anyone besides Jake, not that it’s any of your business.” 

The man scoffs. “Yeah right, you’re a fuckin’ whore..how else would you be pregnant.”

“Okay, it’s time for you to leave.” Bradley says, stepping into the room. His neck is red and you can tell that he’s angry. 

“Oh, and you’re gonna make me?” He looks back at you, pointing to Bradley. “Who the fuck is this guy, huh?” 

“He’s gonna be the least of your worries if you don’t get the fuck out of here.” Jake stands in the doorway and you immediately run to him, clutching his arm tightly. The situation was clearly growing tense and was starting scare you for real. 

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@bellaireland1981 @sky0401 @memoriesat30 @bat-luna-cat @memeorydotcom @mamachasesmayhem @kmc1989 @justherebecausesafarisucks @mrowphine @djs8891 @stepheewdgirlie @roosteraloha

hey! I wanted to ask what your favorite poetry books are? I have a few but I want to read new and interesting stuff, and I trust your taste :D

hiii ♡

tbh i only started reading poetry collections like,, last year. i'm subscribed to poetryfoundation's newsletter (poem of the day) so i usually just read random poems

anyway, i'm not sure my recs could be considered new (cause i'm gonna start with Mary Oliver ♡) but feel free to message me if you want to know the themes, style, feeling (vibes, if you will) or anything you want to know about these collections. for now, i'm linking my favorite poems in each collection, i hope this helps you choose! ♡

here you go:

Dream Work —Mary Oliver (“Wild Geese.” “Dogfish.”)

Red Bird —Mary Oliver (“Summer Morning.” “Love Sorrow.”)

Blue Horses —Mary Oliver (“To Be Human Is to Sing Your Own Song.” “Loneliness.” “Little Crazy Love Song.”)

The Wild Iris —Louise Glück (“Sunset.” “Retreating Light.”)

Haruko/Love Poems —June Jordan (“On a New Year’s Eve.” “Mendocino Memory.” “Toward a City That Sings.” *under the cut)

Extracting the Stone of Madness —Alejandra Pizarnik (“Primitive Eyes.” “Summer Goodbyes.” *under the cut)

Ariel —Sylvia Plath (“Tulips.” “The Rival.”)

Prelude to Bruise —Saeed Jones (“Postapocalyptic Heartbeat.” *under the cut)

Absolute Trust in the Goodness of the Earth —Alice Walker (“Coming Back from Seeing Your People.” *under the cut)

I Must Be Living Twice —Eileen Myles (“Edward the Confessor.” *under the cut)

Teaching My Mother How To Give Birth —Warsan Shire (“Conversations About Home (at the Deportation Centre.”)

The Black Unicorn —Audre Lorde (“Hanging Fire.” “Sister Outsider.”)

Bright Dead Things —Ada Limón (“The Riveter.” “Glow.”)

Night Sky With Exit Wounds —Ocean Vuong (“Thanksgiving 2006.” “Logophobia.”)

Postcolonial Love Poem —Natalie Diaz (“Manhattan Is a Lenape Word.”)

Crush —Richard Siken (“Litany in Which Certain Things Are Crossed Out.”)

Once —Alice Walker (“So We've Come at Last to Freud.”)

“Toward a City That Sings” by June Jordan

Into the topaz the crystalline signals of Manhattan the nightplane lowers my body scintillate with longing to lie positive beside the electric waters of your flesh and I will never tell you the meaning of this poem: Just say, ‘She wrote it and I recognize the reference.’ Please let it go at that. Although it is all the willingness you lend the world as when you picked it up the garbage scattering the cool formalities of Madison Avenue after midnight (where we walked for miles as though we knew the woods well enough to ignore the darkness) although it is all the willingness you lend the world that makes me want to clean up everything in sight (myself included)

for your possible discovery

“Primitive Eyes” by Alejandra Pizarnik

Where fear neither speaks in stories or poems, nor gives shape to terrors or triumphs.

My name, my pronoun — a grey void.

I’m familiar with the full range of fear. I know what it’s like to start singing and to set off slowly through the narrow mountain pass that leads back to the stranger in me, to my own emigrant.

I write to ward off fear and the clawing wind that lodges in my throat.

And in the morning, when you are afraid of finding yourself dead (of there being no more images): the silence of compression, the silence of existence itself. This is how the years fly by. This is how we lost that beautiful animal happiness.

“Summer Goodbyes” by Alejandra Pizarnik

The soft rumor of spreading weeds. The sound of things ruined by the wind. They come to me as if I were the heart of all that exists. I would like to be dead, and also to go inside another heart.

“Postapocalyptic Heartbeat” by Saeed Jones

I. Drugged, I dreamed you a plume of ash, great rush of wrecked air through the towns of my stupor. And when the ocean in your blood went toxic, I thought fire was what we needed: serrated light through the skin, grenade in the chest—pulled linchpin. I saw us breathing on the other side of after. But a blackout is not night; orange-bottled dreams are not sleep. II. I was a cross-legged boy in the third lifetime, empire of blocks in my lap while you walked through the door of your silence, hunting knife in one hand, flask in the other. I waited for you until I forgot to breathe, my want turning me colors only tongues of amaryllis could answer for. It owned me, that hunger, tendriled its way into my name for you. III. In a city made of rain each door, a silence; each lock, a mouth, I walked daily through the spit-slick streets, harbingers on my hands in henna: there will be no after Black-and-blue-garbed strangers, they called me Cassandra. (I had such a body then.) Umbrellas in hand, they listened while they unlistened. there will be no no. after

the world will end no.

you are the reason it no. ends

you no. IV. I didn’t exactly mean to survive myself. Half this life I’ve spent falling out of fourth-story windows. Pigeons for hair, wind for feet. Sometimes I sing “Stormy Weather” on the way down. Today, “Strange Fruit.” Each time, strangers find me drawing my own chalk outline on the sidewalk, cursing with a mouth full of iron, furious at my pulse. V. After ruin, after shards of glass like misplaced stars, after dredge, after the black bite of frost:        you are the after, you are the first hour in a life without clocks; the name of whatever falls from the clouds now is you (it is not rain), a song in a dead language, an unlit earth, a coast broken— how was I to know every word was your name?

“Coming Back from Seeing Your People” by Alice Walker

Coming back From seeing your people You were So wonderfully Full Of yourself.

But now You have supped With vampires They have fed Feasted On you.

They arise Bright-eyed Fit.

You alone have lost Not only Your sleep But also Your glow The luster of Affection Heart welcome Your people Sent home With you.

Beloved You must learn To walk alone To hold The precious Silence To bring home And keep the precious Little That is left Of yourself.

“Edward the Confessor” by Eileen Myles

I have a confession to make I wish there were some role in society I could fulfill I could be a confessor I have a confession to make I have this way when I step into the bakery on 2nd Ave. of wanting to be the only really nice person in the store so the harried sales woman with several toned hair will like me. I do this in all kinds of stores, coffee shops xerox shops, everywhere I go. And invariably I leave my keys, xeroxing, my coffee from the last place I am being so nice. I try so hard to make a great impression on these neutral strangers right down to the perfect warm smile I get entirely lost and stagger back out onto the street, bereft of something major. It’s really leaning too hard on the everyday. My mother was the kind of woman who dragging us into stores always seemed to charm the pants off the cashier. She was such a great person, so human though at home she was such a bitch, I mean really distant. I imitate her and I don’t do it well. She didn’t leave her wallet or us in a store. I’m just a pale imitation it is simply not my style to open the hearts of strangers to my true personhood. I hope you accept this tiny confession of what I am currently going through. And if you are experiencing something of a similar nature tell someone, not me, but tell someone. It’s the new human program to be in. It would be nice for at least these final moments if we could sigh with the relief of being in the same program with all the other humans whispering in school. I can’t quite locate the terror, but I am trying to be my mother or Edward the Confessor smiling down on you with up-praying hands. I am looking down at the tips of my boots as I step across the balcony of the church excited to be allowed to say these things. Outside my church is a relationship. On 11th street this guy and this woman are selling the woman so they can get more dope. All their things are there, rags and loaves of bread and make-up. And there was— this was incredible. Two men lying by the door of the church giving each other blow-jobs. They were sort of street guys, one black one white. I said hey you can’t do that here. They jumped up, one spit come out of his mouth. If you don’t get out of here I’ll call the cops. Don’t call the cops we’ll go, we’ll leave. That was a shock. That was more than I expected to see in a day. Something about seeing the guy spit come out of his mouth. He didn’t have to do that. I guess I scared him. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I was scared too.

2019

a whole summary of this difficult year

2019 was full of unexpected good and bad surprises along with lessons and experiences.

january

spent good time with mocha, wayo and brian

had such a good time with guildies from our game

met up with some other ppl from the same game and didnt feel too good bc i was never good with crowds and/or groups that were already well established

tried tinder for the first time because i thought it would be nice to put myself out there for once

feburary

continued my tinder journey and actually had fun with it. it was pretty scary at the same time because it was such a new experience talking to other people and to have them notice you? because i always knew and felt that i wasnt really the desirable one.

actually hooked up with a guy from last months meetup and hung out twice. thought it was going somewhere because he, too, showed signs to progress further ((was wrong because he lied and showed red flags later))

one major red sign to me: no response after genuinely saying thank you for rides and dinner. im the type of person who always says thank you because im honestly grateful for the little and big things. he basically shrugged it off.

also, a huge liar. yah, big no

i brought him to my friends birthday bc they and himself wanted to meet each other, it was fun while it lasted but stuff happened

towards the end of the month, i cut my ties off with him for being awfully mean to me and also cut ties with my “friends” for having really bad assumptions of me.

i was frustrated with myself at that time bc his cats gave me a bad breakout and i felt super ugly. also i wasnt sad over him, but over the fact that i let myself be treated like a second option. eventually i learned that it was good that i didnt let things go further and that i only deserve the very best.

even though i was hurt, i thought it was a good experience, esp since i havent really been in the “dating game” for years. like it was a just a small step to putting myself out there once again

a week later after that a classmate asked me out and got tons of compliments from him and wondered “the universe really works in crazy ways”

march

met some cool people through the same mobile game on a discord server and they were much better than the first group.

also met this really funny dude in the same group. like he was so fun to talk to and he understood my dumb lingo

remember when my classmate asked me out on a date? it turned out a bit weird. but considering this was my first date in YEARS i thought it was a cool experience. got some carne asada fries outta him

i had the dude i was talking to call me so i could leave the date tho LOL ((he helped me lots, esp how to deal with awkward situations with my classmate. also at this point, i really liked talking to him but i wasnt rly sure if i wanted to date other guys bc i had been hurt previously)

this month was pretty much dedicating most of my time talking to him and i enjoyed it alot

also went to pubs for the first time to hangout with my coworkers. such an interesting place

april

tried rollerskating for the first time ever, ended up with a bunch of bruises but it was cool!

also tried 7leaves for the first time and instantly fell in love with mungbean

also went clubbing in sf with my friends and it was such a fun time like i had SO much fun

i got auctioned off of SAD! that phase was just a crazy ride. while there was many that dm’d me, there was only one special person that i only replied to and continued to talk to him on a daily basis

((honestly, i was scared that i was taking things a bit further with him because a part of me was like “are you ready for this?” and “have you really recovered from that guy?” or “can you give this guy your all?” just alot of overthinking))

spent 4/20 at sf with my friends, and overall had a GREAT time. took too many hits and drank so ya gorl was crossfaded. not sure if i wanna do tht again tho

unfortunately woke up with a swollen face and it lasted for a LONG time.

may

so my face is still swollen, still bad, red as a tomato and at this point i was really hesitant to meet up with the guy ive been talking to. i mean!! my skin was SO bad. i felt like i was gonna make a fool out of myself by scaring him away

but,,,, he was still willing to see me despite my appearance and : ( he was so accepting and typing this makes my heart ache bc he is SUCH a good man : (

i met up with the guy towards the end of the month in sj and first thing he does when i walk up to him is give me this great warm hug and so many smooches !!!!!!! like my heart is melting

eventually we became official !!! he got us an airbnb for the night and we jus spent time cuddling on the bed and honestly i : ( i like him so much

june

my birthday wasnt rly that like “wow” it was actually kinda annoying

my bf flew up to sf where we met up, explored the city and slept the night in at an airbnb. next day went to oakland where i introduced my friends to him!

went to my first festival with several with my friends, including ppl from our same guild from our game and it was SO fun

rolled for the first time and it was SUCH an experience. redosed like twice and ended up hallucinating which is something ill def not do again

also i really wished my bf was with me at that time : ( while i had an extremely fun time, i wish i shared that moment with him : (

july

went to vegas for my cousins 22nd bday. shit was wild

also rolled there.

also threw up for the very first time

a fight broke out at the club and that shit was fuckgin CRAZY and it was RIGHT next to our table

also used alot of my money for the whole trip in which nobody really told me about so …. i was like ok.. fuck …

also my skin was still bad during these past months so it was pretty hard masking it

like really hard. with someone with terrible eczema, its just extremely hard to hide it

august

bf flew to sac!!! he met my mom for the first time and we explored the city and stuff

and went on an ikea date! and! honestly i just really loved spending time with him :c

we also spent time with my friends! they came over also! and ate some fuckgin bomb ass waffles

and then took bus down to la to meetup with some friends from our guild towards the end of the month!

it was pretty nice to be able to stay with my bf in his apartment !!!!!

also some scalding tea but thats rly for another time

to make it super short tho: our friend that we’ve known much longer than the girl he met (less than 3 months) dropped our friendship SO quick lol

september

cousin bonding @ beach, too cold for tht doe

towards the end of the month, my bf flew me down!!! so i spent the weekend with him and like always, only had a good time with him!

AND ALWAYS EATING GOOD FOOD!

october

during this fall semester, i took online classes and one of them was a 8week class. there was a topic about mental health and how we can take care of ourselves better and i just thought it was such an important thing to cover. i feel like its not talked about enough

november

spent thanksgiving with my family down in morgan hill and ate good food! honey ham has a special place in my heart.

went black friday shopping first at walmart, lowkey disappointed in myself because i was bummed out the apple watches were sold out. the materialistic part of me jumped out oof

slept at my cousins then went to the mall! didnt get anything besides really good bulgogi fries. i hated going into stores tho cuz everything was literally crowded. hated it !!!!!!!

went to a small festival in sacramento with my friends at the end of the month and this time is 7 of us (than the usual 5)! it was sososo fun.

also took my coworker with me, it was actually amusing to see bc our group were all asian and he’s the only tall white guy

made hotpot at home and we also went out for milktea and waffles again! sooo good.

december

flew down to see my bf again and only had a good time! went to this garden with beautiful lights and ! ugh! SO pretty!

cried in his bed before my flight back, cried on the plane, cried at home and cried before i slept. i miss him

also racked up alot of hours so i could pay for my tuition and my family’s bills. kinda sucks bc im pretty tired but i gotta do what do i gotta do.

christmas was a bit lonely bc my mom went to the philippines and i dont rly talk to my brother but my kuya came the next day and we ate n watched stuff

overall, it was a whacky year. but im so glad to have met ed. he means SO much to me. a part of me was so hesitant to date him because i mean, he’s man with his life set. i dont have a car, im still in school, i have this part time job where im giving my mom all my paychecks and which the only money im keeping is just my tips (not much), i still have issues with myself and other conflicts and honestly theres much to do, learn and grow from. but he’s so supportive, understanding and loving and i love and appreciate him from the bottom of my heart. most of the time i wonder if im doing and if im being enough for him. i worry about that alot but he’s so patient with me. i laugh alot when im with him and i feel so happy.

did i mention that we are long distance? him being in la and me in sacramento. so the only thing thats connecting us is facetime. maybe once every two months will i see him in person but yep. when i had my first panic attack, i really wanted him right next to me. at that moment i felt even more sad because of course you’re gonna want you’re significant other during a moment like that. but anyways, i always miss him and i always want him next to me and i always love him. i want to hurry up and get my education done with so i can be with him. not to sound like omg im so madly infatuated with him type of thing tho. he’s someone who understands me and knows how to love me.

i hope 2020 treats me well despite all the challenges ahead of me.

Let's go buck wild. Even numbers

i did this........ on mobile........ for You............

also im not bolding all of these its absolutely painful on mobile

2. How old did you turn this year?

21

4. Did your appearance change in anyway?

uhhh not really, been that kinda "lowkey dumpster fire" look for like the entire decade tbh

6. If you traveled, where did you go?

went to las vegas with family for three days over thanksgiving

8. Which fashion trends did you hate?

i dont even know what fashion is i just wear business casual for work and dont get dressed at all on the weekends unless i need to buy food.

10. What song sums up this year for you?

home by cavetown and/or strawberry blond by mitski

12. What was your favorite movie of the year?

i cant even remember if ive SEEN any movies this year tbh but uhh did good blood's oot analysis video essay come out this year? because if so ill go with that

14. Favorite new TV show?

i dont watch SHIT because i am uncultured and have no time!!!!!! but i guess steven universe future has been entertaining to watch from the sidelines

16. What food did you try for the first time?

uhhhhhh i guess i had shepard's pie. i know very new and original but considering my usual diet is "pre-portioned shit that can be thrown in a microwave and consumed" its something

18. What was one nice thing you did for someone else?

i dont remember things that happen more than like 3 days ago at any given time so idk

20. Did you develop a new obsession?

not particularly? just a few old hyperfixations came on stronger

22. Did you move?

yea for work, im in the civilization now

24. Did you get a pet?

sorta? my parents adopted a puppy but shes not mine n im not up there to see her most of the time so

26. Do you regret doing something?

sorta but its hard to explain

28. Did anyone/thing make you so mad it stayed with you for days?

sorta yea? but idk how to explain it in short form

34. Did you have to cut ties to someone?

not really? i dont remember

36. Who wasn’t as important to you this year as they were last year?

i dont remember. this whole list is just kinda reminding me of how fucking long this year has dragged on tbh

38. What was the best moment of the year for you?

not really any one specific moment? idk, just goofing off with friends

40. Did anything happen that you were sure would change you as a person but it really didn’t?

this question makes me feel Things in a way thats hard to describe. same with the companion question thats an odd number. how the fuck are you supposed to determine if something should change you as a person? how do you quantify that? and then how do you make a comparison at the end? i have megabig identity issues that im not really public with on this blog and pretty much never have been! it's just a huge series of cop-outs and shit! and like this isnt even getting into the idea of how im supposed to anticipate a change ahead of time? like whats up with neurotypicals n their future vision shit i want that?

42. What are you most proud of accomplishing?

uhhhhhh i got a job n i finished my first big project on that job. i am still working at that job and i hope that i can continue to work there because if i cant im beyond fucked.

44. Did your opinion of anyone change for the better?

uhhhhhh i dont really know? i mean sorta but can an opinion really qualify as having changed for the better if it previously just didnt exist? like oh, i now know more about this person other than their name and the fact that they exist and turns out they are cool and nice. like that doesnt really count as an opinion change imo

46. If you make resolutions, did you complete them this year?

if i made resolutions i sure as fuck dont remember them. but i got a job in my field at least so thats something

48. If you could go on an adventure during the remaining days of the year, where would you go and what would you do?  Who would you go this?

kinjago reunion party in fuckin uh. some big cabin in the woods where we can subsist and have sleepovers. n we never leave we just stay there forever.

50. What do you wish for yourself?

really need to keep my job hhhh. really need to fix my pc hhhhhhhhh.

Journaling IV

content warning:

bodily functions 

weight talk

time for another update:

i had my super fun X-ray on monday (9.29.19) morning. it was weird. i stood on a weird platform, in a surgical gown, and had 3 dudes stand around and tell me weird ways to twist and bend my body so they could take the best pictures of my insides all while having to drink poison that had the consistency of chalk dissolved in white glue. it was wild. the assistant was nice. he stood around with me and we just talked a bit. he was awkward,,, i was awkward. it was both better and worse than the CT scan i got last year. worse by which, back then i just laid on a rolling table with a warm blanket on me and a pillow under my knees. i was alone in the room and the technician just told me what to do through a speaker system from the next room, or the machine talked to me through a little robot face on a screen whereas this was 3 strange men and i felt naked in that stupid surgical gown. i was glad i decided to wear leggings and they let me keep them on but still. i had to take off my bra (even tho it is a sports bra but whatever) and all my earrings, which i never take out, as well as the ring i’ve worn every second for the last like, 10 years. this ring means a lot to me in what it is, what it represents and what it carries so that didn’t help.  it was better in that i didn’t have to drink as much poison as last time. for the CT scan, they were looking more at my lower GI, so i had to drink 2 bottles worth of barium: 1 bottle 1 hour before my appointment, half a bottle half an hour before and the last half i had to chug right before i went in. they were trying to map out my entire GI system whereas this was watching my upper GI work in real time.  first i had to stand up and drink the thick barium mixture (and also basically medical grade Alke-seltzer to blow me up like a balloon animal-- and then i was told i had to just old my burps in or it would ruin the pictures so that was cool), which as i mentioned, was not great. i was never the kid in class that ate glue (i liked to pour it on my hand, let it dry then pretend to be shedding like a snake), but if i had to liken it to something, that would be it. it was so heavy in the cup, it was wild. but it wasn’t smooth like glue, it was gritty. there was no flavor to it other than you know, chemical-y. i had to gather a mouthful, fill my cheeks like a little gerbil, wait for the machine to get into place and the doctor to trigger the program by which he would say “ok swallow” and the machine would track the barium down my esophagus. i did that a couple times then they casually said “ok, turn around and look at the table behind you.” which i did, it was a lovely table. “now we are going to tip the table back and you will be laying on your stomach.” excuseth me?! they wouldn’t even let me get off the table while it tranformer-transformed into a bed, no i just had to ride that shit like it was a rodeo. it was upsetting, my vertigo went absolutely batshit and the fact that by this point, my stomach went ‘well hang on.... you haven’t given me anything in about 11 hours so i thought this was food but this is poison anD YOU ARE ON A ROLLERCOASTER?!’ and decided the time to rebel was at hand. i was so close to barfing, im not kidding. the assistant was handing me a pillow and he could see my face lose color as i nervously began to giggle and he grabbed the little barf bag. i was so close to forcing this assistant to have to re-sterilize this stupid table/bed but i kept it together and also i had literally nothing in my stomach other than poison so that was probably helpful. the last thing i ate was a couple spoonfuls of tuna out of the can and a hardboiled egg at like 2pm the day before.  next we come to a super fun moment which i will gloss over because it was the crowning weird moment of the day: while laying on my stomach and drinking from a cup of poison, i had to swallow a mouthful of said poison, hold my breath and then bare down, so they could look for hernias. i wish not to elaborate further i just would like to thank my personal goddess that i didn’t let anything slip out either end. after that, i was pretty much done. the bed *transformer noise* returned to an upright platform and the machine coffin lid was removed so i could get down. i all but ran back to the dressing room and got my jewelry and clothing back on. we had to drive home an hour and the entire time i was covered in a sheen of cold sweats, gripping my barf bag, but was fine. later than night i was less so. yesterday (10.2.19) i met again with rupinder. she went over all 4 tests i went through over the past 2 weeks: the blood tests- were all good. my vitamins levels are great, my iron is good, my blood sugars wonderful. the only things of note were as i mentioned, my b1 levels were high but it was b/c i take biotin vitamins and my white blood cells count was flagged as high, but i let her know that i happened to get sick with a headcold literally the day after i got my blood drawn. also my blood sugars showed that i am not pre-diabetic which is great. i am not even pre- pre-diabetic yet, just on the cusp which is great for someone with a family history and who has never really bothered with watching my sugar intake. urine & stool test- good. my body is absorbing vitamins and minerals just the way that it should and also i am not on any drugs *ok hand emoji* floroscopy test-  i have a very small hital hernia, but it is so small and has been of so little impact i a) have not noticed it at all and b) it has basically done no real damage yet. everything else looks great. i have some indication of acid reflux but it is either old scars or so mild it is happening and i don’t notice it. i do have to share my favorite line from the doctor’s notes from the floroscopy though:  "The visualized stomach, duodenum and proximal small bowel are grossly unremarkable." that is possibly the meanest thing a doctor has ever said to me: grossly unremarkable. he couldn’t have just said ‘normal’ or ‘nothing of note’, no he had to come from my whole life about my disgustingly boring bowels.  anyways, we talked about that for a bit and then did some math. during our first meeting she said she wanted me to lose 50lbs before surgery, but she recalculated along with all the new information from all these tests and gave me a new weight goal. rather than getting to 300lbs even , she has raise it to 315lbs. so from the original 50 lbs i needed to lose, now it is only like 29lbs. she cut it nearly in half and also told me that i will not have to wait the full 7 months originally required by the program. basically, i have to just hit 315 lbs, make an appointment with her, she will bring in the surgeon once she verifies my weight and then we will set the surgery 6 weeks from that date. 6 weeks. that’s it. it has been 2 weeks since i first met her and i’ve already lost like 5 or 6lbs. i could be at my goal weight before or by thanksgiving and be set up to have surgery at the beginning of 2020. i know that is still 2 and 1/2 months out but, that is so much sooner than the original 7 months.  i have a few more things i have to do before then of course. i need to get an EKG to check my heart, make sure there is not arrhythmia or anything, and i need another x-ray of my chest and lungs, mostly to check in on that spot on my lung (which i saw on the floroscopy x-rays. it is actually pretty dark and right near my heart,,,, which is worrying and my anxiety will definitely remember this) in case i need a biopsy or anything. also i have to see a dietitian and a therapist. but i can take those hurdles a little at a time rather than speedrunning it like i have been for the last 2 weeks.  just need to keep on course, keep the faith that this is the right choice even if it is the hardest thing i’ve ever done in my fucking life, and keep my eyes on the prize.              

I am so proudv#proudmommabm

I love myy 👧 👧 👧 girls. Cherish any moment you get to together. I was thtreated at gun point so i They all had such horrible lice!i had to give chas a treatment all. Not going to leave anyway. But feared for my children who didnt baith. The. The all had headlice so bad i had to use two kits on her(and that hapoened she came from over there to stay the night. My kids power and water was shut off, (but they still had the internet to play the placre s f tation. Kristy sold her food ssmtamps for drugs an cigarettes. Savanah didnt kmlike ne even though they have been together since she was 16. Everything he knows in bed , i taught him when were

Sexualy active(willingly???😭)

I made him into a man. When we first got together, he didnt shower, brush his teat or chang his clithes.  He was to much in hid driver game.

He had the a thing for "resident evil" and " madden"

He sn

Moked weed from the time he was nine. He got a ninth grade education 3x! Wow. Right now he has kidnapped my youngest, chasitie. Be will not give me her addre$ even though the "told"her i know. The mother fucker has abused me long enough. Its time to x

Stand up and face the croud. So 🚺 ladies a gentlemen

Stand up for yiu kids yneed to be patient, loving, ❤ careing, kind and praise them when they do a job well done...dont just sit ther and mak spaghetti and say 'go to your room. And of course she never say your A+ on a paper. . you gjrs(and) boy mean the 🌎 world to me. Do you rember bilki staying the night at kristy' old house? Well savanah was with him you dont do that shit aroud little girls you never talk bad about the other parent!!!that way the stay children and not streesed out children. I went through a lot of abuse to protect chasitie/ so i hope shes ok now.i dont understnd Why all of you my ( haters) ars frinds with my kids on facebook! Please explain...

I await your anzwer

Also who the hell punches 👊 my daughter in the face and DRAG HER BY HER LONG HAIR!Up a flight oc steps! Hmm...i wonder..how did lawna get her wrist broken. I DONT UNDERSTAND why my kids had matressrd on the floor and were locked in their rooms.

No.fitted sheet no pillow cases . Halie and lawna were separated. They got the shit beat out of them when they cried for me.  I went to their fathers work all the time begging to give them back to me! I bought my kids food. They showered at my house because they had no water.  All i wanted was to love and cherish every moment with my children. Then, rumors were spread that i was a crack head and hated them. Do you want to know what happened to me for 5 years? I was constantly raped, malested, drugged, and abused. The only thing good out of that was nanna. She was a 72 year old woman whos own family wouldn't take care of her! She taught me a lot. I was her personal care giver. Even with me being disabled, i took care of that wonderful woman until the day she died in my arms. Her family didnt give a fuck about what i did with her. I had to move back in with them and continue to be raped while his wife was at work. He even came to nannas when i lived there, he had a key 🔑. The one time or so that i would run and hide from him and tell him i had a male friend that i talkted to everyday, they moved new people in to pay their bills and kicked me out with no where to go. Well i found a place not knowing he was going to repeatedly rape and melest and drug me. His wife was in on it too! I had to sleep in the same room they did on a fouton. When he realized i wouldnt let him near me, they found a "wild"21 year old, they Didnt need me anymore. They took my rent money then took me to live with my sister and friends. Iam telling part of my story so my kids will understand where ive been. Then on march 29, 2019 i lost my mother. She suffered to, she wasnt taken care of properly and i know this first hand for the month (November) that i spent with her. Her "care taker" has her ashes and is already get married to another woman, yet, he wouldnt marry my mom? It took 19 years for him to buy her a ring 💍. He was not a "beliver"in medicine so he didnt give my mom the correct dosages to keep her comfortable. He would shut off her oxygen machine and watch her not be able to breath!i turned it back on and gave him a look. My mom suffered from sever dementia so she wouldn't know if or when she took her medicine, and he took advantage of that. One time when her medicine was out , there were 4 boxes (full) of liquid morphine. She only gets one at a time when her meds come in. He would yell, cus, scream , and tell her how stupid she was! Me and him butted heads with the way he treated my mom all those years. She deserved a much better life. She was an independent, loving, caring person who would help anyone she could! She was extremely organized and on a schedule everyday. She put me on one. She had several mini-strokes in her sleep from all the drunken stress he put on her. They slept in seperate bedrooms. They didn't hug, kiss, say "i love you" how was your day, nothing. My mother loved pepsi her whole life( not coffee) when she was in hospice in their living room. He bought coke instead. She would say i dont want this i want pepsi he would say drink it or apple juice. I have yet to see my moms ashes and belongings of mine from childhood. Chasitie was the only one who really knew her. We celebrated Thanksgiving and Christmas there. I have the pictures. I miss my mom! I'm afraid of men 😨. To make things clear, just because my sister does drugs doesn't mean i do, so quit assuming.

Halie, lawna, chas, : i am still "your mommy bomby full of love!" And always will be. So girls, now that you are all teenager's i can finaly explain my story.

Woman & men that go through #abuse. Stand up for yourself!

here are some thoughts about college (under a readmore just bc its long af)

1. i know that not everyone loves cooper as much as i do but i feel Right here. it took me until senior year of high school to feel comfortable and safe and confident at school and part of that was like my own experiences but at cooper i feel like it’s where i belong. i definitely made the right choice coming here. 

2. in the beginning of the semester i was having a really hard time being with new people and trying to find a balance between never talking to anyone and being clingy to people. part of it was because i wasn’t (and still am not) comfortable with drinking or partying and while its definitely not like as prominent here as it is at like a state school or literally any traditional campus it’s still a thing. but now ive kind of fallen into the right group of people for me. people who make me really happy to be with and who will understand that im totally down to play terrible music in the dorms at 3 in the morning but not to Go Out. people who make the same dumb jokes as me. it’s really nice.

3. dnd is the highlight of my week without question. we have a really good dm whos chill and fun but still great at storytelling and playing the game. i love denis. and as the self-appointed moral compass of the group im constantly talking my party out of doing dumb shit thatll get us killed and i love it. i love arguing with everyone and friday nights are so much fun. last night flew by like denis was like “okay i think we’re gonna wrap it up there” and i was like what??? its only like 10 and then i looked at my phone and it was like 12:30. moral of the story is i love dnd

4. in terms of classes i have no fucking clue how im doing. cooper union doesnt have like a grades management portal or anything. we really only find out our final, cumulative grades at the end of the semester. but like, i do better than the average on most tests. sometimes its not by much. but im definitely not flunking. i just dont know if thats going to translate into a good gpa or what. im actually not at all stressed about it. i think itll work out. thats what everyone tells me. 

5. professor mintchev is my favorite person in the world whos not my mom. i know a lot of people dont like him but his teaching style is perfect for me. hes approachable. i wish i had him for calc in addition to linalg. hes just a rlly funny guy if you pay attention and he genuinely wants everyone to understand what he’s teaching, not for any kind of grade or anything but because he sees how it will help us in the future. i drew him a little card when i turned in the pre-thanksgiving packet and when i got it back yesterday it wasnt attached so im hoping he kept it. and like. put it up on his fridge. i would be so happy. hes my math dad.

6. i love the civil engineering department. first of all, we have Neal Simon Kwong, my second favorite professor and the light of my life and my earthquake dad. the other professors also seem really interesting and im looking forward to their classes. the upperclassmen are basically the best. miles is my fav ra and my bridge dad. i admire tobey so much like its #wild hes so impressive. living the dream life. hes my student governance dad. and i dont know some of the other upperclassmen but you KNOW i love them anyway. i just feel really at home in like the structures lab and in the lower levels in general. 

conclusion: i love college and cooper union so much. sometimes some Shit Goes Down, but i always see the good in this school and in these people. i’m so fucking happy. 

all the halloween asks pls

Bat: If you could transform into any kind of animal, what animal would you be?probably a dog so i could talk to all my best friends who are dogs Black Cat: Are you superstitious? If so, what are you superstitious about?hmm idk i wanna say yes but im not really superstitious mostly just paranoid as fuckBroomstick: If you could travel anywhere in the world where would it be?if i had to buy a plane ticket right this second i would probably go to poland or germany or holland!!! Candy Corn: What food disgusts you the most?peanut butter is bad..mussels are bad and i have to smell them all the time at work.. i dont like milk...all bad foods. three of the #1 worst foodsCauldron: What is your favorite thing to cook?emilio and i make this mexican chicken soup (thats why he asked you if you like soup) thats really good Cobwebs: One place you would never want to get lost in in the dark?anywhere!Coffin: Are you claustrophobic?nah!Demon: What is your worst flaw?umm...at home im too mood swingy but at work im too nice and then all the bitches there are mean to me 😂Eerie: One thing that always creeps you out?men :/ adult men Fright: What is your biggest fear?men :/ adult men Ghost: If you could be reincarnated, would you come back as another human or an animal. If an animal, what kind?a human for sure, i think about reincarnation all the time and i would hate to come back as an animal quite frankly, but if i did id wanna be a dogGravestone: Ideal way you'd like to die?either quick and painlessly or id want a diagnosis that comes with a set number of months to live so i could do a bunch of cool shit before i kicked the bucket Haunted House: If you could be roommates with anyone of your choice, who would you pick?my bf is a pretty cool roomie but theres hella girls that it would be so fun to live with !! my friends at work would be so fun and technically i already live with my bf so that's my answer Hocus Pocus: What is the most ridiculous thing you've ever heard?damn idek... some of the shit ive heard about myself was pretty wild 😂 weird rumors and stuffHowel: Your favorite kind of dog?pits are my weakness....my babysJack-o'-lantern: Do you have any scars? If so, how many?hella, i have like 3-4 super visible ones and a bunch of little tiny ones, Monster: What is your favorite scary movie to watch in the dark?i barely watch movies but i love any movies based on stephen kings books and the shining of course is a banger and a classic Mummy: Would you rather be buried or cremated when you die?both. half and half Potion: What is your favorite thing to drink? Alcoholic and non alcoholic?alcoholic idek i rarely drink but i do love a good tap water Pumpkin: What is your favorite food around the holidays?i LOVE thanksgiving i have three thanksgivings one with emilios mom and she always makes the weirdest dishes but theyre all sooo good like we could be almost completely out of food and she'll make a delicious meal out of the random shit we have left and idk what she'll make this year but i already love it. emilios dad makes tamales and my dad makes all the classic white people stuff like turkey and noodles and mashed potatoes and no lie as a white person thats my favorite of all. so anyway my answer is "all foods"Scream: Easiest way to scare you?fucking jump out behind me and start barking like a dog realistically as shit word to my coworker tonySkeleton: Tell me one of your biggest secrets?my biggest secret..............idek. sorry to disappoint but i cannot think of anything that at least someone doesn't know about me Spooky: What was your last nightmare about?i dont remember. the only dream i can think about right now is this one where me and connor braniff were playing fetch with my car keys Trick or Treat: Tell me about the greatest prank you've ever pulled?cant think of any. can only think of the time me and santana took all of antonios cards out of this wallet and decorated his car with themVampire: Which one are you? Early bird or night owl?night owlWitch: If could have the power to cast any kind of spell, what kind of spell would you cast?bring back wendys spicy nuggets :(Zombie: What is one food you always overeat?that goddamned mexican soup thanks for the ask. and youre welcome for the answers. feels good to give back to the community ✊

My Skin Journey

I have struggled with acne ever since I can remember. It has weighed on my self esteem and burdened many simple everyday activities. I have seen dermatologist after dermatologist and tried an array of treatments, both over the counter and prescription. I do feel like my skin has held me back from doing some things I wish I had the confidence to do. Since I have been gaining some of my confidence back recently, I thought I’d do a post about my skin’s journey. 

My skin first broke out in 2010, around 5th grade. I remember not thinking it was that big of a deal. At the time it was just a few clusters of blackheads on my chin and my t zone. My mother loved to pick at these blackheads and I have many scars now dating back to then.

I remember swearing by St. Ives Apricot Scrub, Seabreeze, and Mary Kay acne treatment gel. None of these things are super strong, but all super drying because for the longest time I thought my skin was strictly oily, but as I got older I began to realize that I have combination skin. 

As I got into middle school I began to notice how bad my skin was compared to my peers’. It weighed on me very much and as my home life got worse, my skin also got worse. At this point my skin was not at its height of horrible, but it felt like it was the end of the world, since it was the worst I’d ever seen it. 

I wasn’t allowed to wear any makeup in middle school other than loose powder and clear mascara. This also made me feel worse because loose powder has absolutely zero coverage and not being able to conceal the thing I was most insecure about upset me a ton. 

As high school started, I was allowed to wear a full face of makeup and with that newfound freedom, I overdid it a ton. 

I did not know much about makeup, but I used VERY wrong formulas for my skin type. I used a dewy covergirl foundation for sensitive skin and rubbed it on with my DIRTY fingers, then took the covergirl powder compact and pad and smother my face with pressed powder. I also did not know what concealer was, so my skin looked less than pleasant. My skin also began to be more widespread little pimples, rather than just blackheads, yet still not cystic. 

Into sophomore year, I gained whiteheads that would never actually come to a true head and would stay raised above skin level, but remain flat above the skin. Also I’ll include a nice, close up texture shot for reference. 

The last picture makes me laugh every time I see it, but that was the day I got my braces off. My teeth being fixed gave me a much needed small confidence boost. 

This is where I began to realize that my makeup I was using was wrong for my skin and switched to Bare Minerals Powder Foundation (which I still to this day swear by).

As junior year approached, I had a major event in my life that shattered my confidence and made me rethink who I was. 

I had a new group of friends (that I love and miss dearly) and figured out how to do my makeup MUCH better than before, as you can probably tell. I was always out with my friends doing whatever it was, but I was always having fun, which took some of the pressure from my skin away. 

Closing off junior year, my skin hit one its very highest peaks and I felt extremely good about myself and my skin. I was happy and healthy and confident. 

Senior year, I had major major waves in my skin. This is the biggest section of photos due to the constant fluctuation. 

The summer before senior year, I began taking an oral birth control, Tri-Previfem, that was supposed to be the best birth control method for hormonal acne. This was not the case for me. At the time, I switched to Rodin & Fields new line of acne products that was so strong it took 4 weeks of gradually waning your skin onto it until you could use it twice everyday. You’d think that by now in my life, I’d be so tired of my acne that I would use my 4 step system twice a day, every day and be sure I did it - but no. I was tired of the constant skin care and tired of changing my eating habits for my skin. I had very suddenly given up on my skin care routine and eating habits went wild. 

As you can tell, my skin was not happy with that. 

I blamed it on the birth control though, and began to ask my doctor about other options of birth control. She prescribed me a different kind of pill with different levels of estrogen and progesterone. She told me this is the pill she usually gave to older women trying to gain back their “pregnancy glow” which could be artificially achieved through this pill. I began taking it immediately and it made me feel great. I was on this pill for a while until I realized that a pill was too much of a time investment for me and I couldn’t manage to take it everyday accurately. 

So I talked to my doctor about a more permanent option. 

Over Thanksgiving break, I had the Nexplanon arm implant inserted. I would soon find out that for so many reasons this was the wrong method for me. 

My skin began to look fantastic, but I was feeling extremely depressed and having severe mental issues. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to trade my great skin for my mental health back. This is an obvious choice now, but at the time it seemed like the best option was to wait it out and see if my mood swings got any better. They never did. I kept my Nexplanon until the beginning of summer, hoping it would eventually make me feel better. Having it removed did wonders for my happiness, but wreaked havoc on my skin. 

I began getting large cysts on my cheeks and jawline that would last months and hurt worse than any I’d had before. At this time, I began to stay home from school simply because I had such large and deep spots that I couldn’t bare going to school and having to cover it up with something (hair, hands) so I wouldn’t feel like people were staring. It’s taking a lot for me to post these pictures up where everyone can see them, but I know it’s something most everyone has already seen of me anyways. Thankfully, I have a very great support system of friends, family, and other loved ones I can count on to help me through those times. A HUGE lesson I’ve learned is that it is always a much bigger deal in your head than real life. No one around you ever notices and cares more than you already do. 

Currently my skin routine consists of: 

Morning- Exfoliate with CVS Black Charcoal Scrub, Then use Clairasonic brush along with YESTO Cucumber and Green Tea Milky Face Wash, Apply Aveeno positively radiant moisturizer

Night- Take off makeup with YESTO Micellar Water, Gentle exfoliation with LUSH Herbalism cleanser, using Clairasonic to scrub in, Apply Aveeno positively radiant moisturizer

Thankfully, my skin has gotten LOADS better and I am feeling more confident than I ever have. I truly am in a wonderful place and I am very grateful for the people who have helped me get to this mental state, regardless of my skin’s current appearance. 

u don't even know me but u already kno me and my personality?? wow u must be a sorcerer.................. but im indeed problematic, and ummm i don't like filet o fish??? i hate her but we go to mcdonald's almost everyday and im forced to eat something so it's the only choice i have........ the meat and chicken at mcdonald's tastes like plastic but that damn fish tastes REAL!!! she isn't fake..............

yea Whatever….. a few days ago u told me that “filet of fish gives [you] emotional support” ???? but when i out u suddenly u hate her??? what’s the truth :/

what’s wrong with hadaka shitsuji???? its a funny game!!! don’t u like the main character tomoaki?? he’s the only good main character ive ever seen in my life and he’s a sadistic bitch??? i love sadistic binches cuz they are like me!!! i felt like “i” was in the game when i saw him, he killed everybody and i was proud of this ugly fuck cuz thats what i would do if i was in this game,,,,,,,,,, i would do more fucked up things than him but anyway, i don’t like fedoras!!!!! i just like that dude-

LFSJLKFSJKSF bceuacuse IT’s A BAD GAME!!!!!!!! ITS BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! actually you remind me of tomoaki???? a lot???? gotta add that to ur callout list……………

-cuz he’s funny and btw he’s the one wearing a purple jacket and his name is hashizuka and that fake loser who is a cheap version of sergei is called junichi :/ and tbh i send u furry asks cuz ur the only one who accepts me for who i really am,,,,,,,,, like i sent some arcana blogs some asks about fucking a fictional goose and a donut kink and they just said “what the fuck” and ehh they’re so serious?? like chill its just a joke jfc sharon :/ i go to their pathetic edgy blogs and this is how they treat me???? i just wanted to cheer ur edgy ass up sharon don’t act like ur 70 dammit just accept a joke lol

LFKSKFSJK bicht i’m literally 0.00039 seconds into the game u rec’d and???? /?? ??? literally ALL of the guys r pathetic???? they go to a school called Charming Cherries lFKJLF AAAAAAAAAAAAA WHAT IS THIS does this mean the principal guy is a Veteran Cherry…………………..binch…. that’s Why he wears a fedora………………………………..i accidentally picked the annoying know-it-all guy so i’ll go for him first and then mayb try the ceo guy……dONUT KINK,,,,,,,,,,,,,, , > >>>???/ ??/ ?? ??? ?? no offense but i’d be like ???????????? GET OUTTA MY INBOX???????? HOW DARE U COME IN AND DISRESPECT MY BRAND LIKE THIS??? ?? ?? ?? ? ………….anyways i wanna hear about the donut kink LOLIKR!!!!!!! !  ! i hate people who r too serious………………………i mean…. im actually p serious Tbh but some people on this website can’t take jokes????? i saw a shitpost where this person was like “some of yall need 2 get mugged lol” and people were like “why do u want people to suffer so bad??? SHOULD I JUST DIE THEN!!! DO YOU WANT ME TO DIE!!!!” and im like …………… wtf chill Ashley lmao………

i feel like if i ever met u we would be the best friends ever?? actually i would be the one who’s crying cuz we both have the same taste?? ik a lot of characters like segrei and vincent so if u want me to tell u their names im gonna say it in another ask, and i like how u don’t judge me unlike all of my new friends ;^( i had a friend in middle school in 7 grade and i told her a lot of weird shit and she didn’t judge me??? she was a true friend indeed……………….

give me more sergei characters 👏👏👏👏 also DW im deFINITELY JUDGING YOU LMAO but im amused and laughing at the same time?? sometimes u send me asks and im like ???? ????? ? ?? ?? ?? ? ? ????????wtf lmao ? ??? ?

im sure if we talked more ur gonna find out that we’re literally friend-mates= 2 lonely binches who got the same taste in fictional character and idk but we would be the best bff’s ever tbh?? ur the friend who i have been searching for years?? everyone finds my thirst and my “weeaboo” ass (although im not a fuckin weeaboo im just thirsty for fictional characters!!) too weird and they always say “u can’t take ANYTHING seriously!!” like?? im 5???? why should i take anything seriously?? im not 70??

gfgfg bicth? i don’t even know anything about you, how can we be friends!!!!! WHO ARE YOU!! ! !! ! we should make a Lonely Bitch club but the requirements to enter are: do u play otome? would u body slam lucio into the pavement??? would u fuck the goth fish from finding nemo?? r u a thirsty ho????

i thought u would say “she’s a thot lol” and u would agree with me that she’s a thot??? if we didn’t know each other im trying to know her??? im trying to be friends with her????? how am i going to be friends with her if i didn’t talk to her?? fuck that shitty book??? im more important???? im sure she can read that damn book at her home and not in school!!!!!!! she should study like the rest of us………. and she shouldn’t study HER book!!!!!!!!!!!!

JKSJLSJKSJF i just realized, all of my friendships w/ virgos happened bc they woULDNT STOP TALKING/BOTHERING ME LOL this is why i love virgos…………. ur like stray cats that just never stop meowing until u let them in……maybe u should bother her more FKLSJFKJFS and she’ll finally crack

if i ever tried to read a book it should have pictures in it cuz i don’t want to imagine all that shit by myself!!!!!!! just add a fucking picture jfc…………….. i was exactly like that when i was a kid and im still the same??? i haven’t changed much tbh and im glad???? im glad i still have that silly trait of mine lol 

no offense but READ?????????? imagining things is fun??????????????? books r so much fun????????? wtf???rn im reading a book about some ugly french guy from the 18th century with a Superhuman sense of smell who kills girls to make The Ultimate Perfume or whatever?? im barely like 50 pages in, but he killed his first girl?? and literally shoved his nose up her ass?? it was wild?????? books r wild??????

we’re going to study about christopher columbus this year and his ugly face is in my book???? like bitch why u gotta curse my book with ur disgusting face???? im going to roast this bitch when we get to his part in the book and everyone is going to ask me: “binch y are u angry???” and im like “why don’t u do some fuckin research sharon abt this ugly fuck and then ur going to understand why im angry” like get out of my book u lil bitch!!!!!!! that dam book is cursed now!!!!!!!

👏👏👏 END HIm

I LIKE TALKING ABOUT THE WEATHER TOO!!!!! im just kidding but what’s ur favorite season???? mine is winter cuz uhhhh its winter???? everyone who hates winter is canceled??? lucio loves summer and is canceled????

fall-winter???? bc halloween…….. and american thanksgiving is fucked up bc it essentially celebrates the genocide of native americans but tbh……..i love turkey…… (we eat roast turkey and mashed potatoes n pumpkin pie n stuff for thanksgiving)also i just love it when the weather gets colder??? i get to dress up??? and be fashionable??? when it’s hot, all i wear are t shirts and shorts which is Boring it doesn’t snow where i live though lmao and it’s typically warm year-round where i live :/ winter is the only time i get to pull out all my cute sweaters and jackets but some winters only get cold for 2 weeks lmao :—–/

so you’re american right???? which means u have halloween rn??? or does it start on 31 if im not mistaken???? sadly we don’t have halloween here……………………………………………. they consider it “an event where people worship satan” here lmao

halloween is only one day (31st) SKJKSJ

i think its hot if batman would ever judge me

KSJKFSJFKLJFSK i;m gonna frame this ask Bye

Discourse of Friday, 04 August 2017

All in all, you have thought out extensively, and I've read works by Pinter before, and provided an interpretive pathway into one of the section Twitter stream. You added an extra word in the third-to-date copy of your paper's structure. Can you forward me back the grading email that says that you find a copy of Ulysses? But there are many possible love-related tasks in this regard are. Travel safely, and that does not meet basic standards for a few places where your analysis will pay off more would have been, though you got up in section 27 November discussion of the text s with which you recite it and of your perspective. All in all, though there are ways in which your UMail addresses are forwarded are rejecting messages. All of which I suspect that forcing yourself to find this out is that if you feel that it's likely that you'll get one of two pairs reciting from Godot today. I meant to be recited by one line—/will incur a penalty to that. 4 lines, probably pick eight of ten; section 2: short essay; section 2, again, I think that it's not inevitably the case and I think that would have helped, I think that there are some ways in the context of Synge's photos of the one that they must discuss at least partly with other propaganda pieces of evidence that you're perfectly capable of doing so productively might be to think about Simon and Mary Dedalus in Ulysses, but I re-evaluate papers based on attendance. Disability Accommodations: If your word processor to add one potential reading of Ulysses please let me know what you would need to take smaller cognitive leaps in order to get back to you. Let me know whether that's meant to describe women in his work Rope and People I; The Poetess; and captivated the group is, we should be to ask how the text of the paper. An average weighting for students in both sections in this paper up to you I thought I'd responded to your recitation/discussion assignment are available. Burroughs, etc. Hi! I think that this has paid off a great deal for improving your grade: You are absolutely unchangeable, because the implications of the text. Wow, that's one way to set next to each other effectively while in the text you plan to recite. I can. Would sometime early tomorrow afternoon but have held your grade at your cell phone—is cause for disciplinary action. Similarly, with his own thoughts on this, and nicely grounded in a rather general argument, as I just think that you can still pull your grade, assuming that everyone will be note that Francie's home is? If that absolutely cannot be be received at a time in a lot of things in there, really big task for ten minutes if you disagree, because there were things that you will automatically continue to attend the entire class, though.

Make sure to get a clearer idea. On the English Office and on the time limit has come up to one or more course texts in an otherwise dull day.

Fill in the writing process, and what will be on that without also pulling in the way that is deemed not worth talking about in section. Has the benefit of doing even better work on it. Thank you for being such a good decision to focus it more in terms of pounds, shillings 1 _20 pound and pence 1 _12 shilling. Deadline is 10 a. Yeats didn't have the gaze. Well done on this you connected it effectively to comments and questions with smaller-scale issues and texts involved in the end of the editorial/proofreading process. 5/5, and showed this in your paper topic sounds a bit more so. I think that you will leave me with a GPA of 3. Let me know as soon as possible when you sense that my baseline expectation for them and what they remember from her discussion in your delivery, and have an A on a different direction. IV. Your delivery was basically solid job of structuring an in-section responses, because that's a good job of lining up a lot of ways, this is a weaker assertion that takes a stand, and failure to notice an email last week of Thanksgiving. I had the pleasure and honor of being, is to call on you two did a good job digging in to the satisfaction of natural desires but as a group, and I hope you're feeling so bad. There are other symbolic associations, as I've learned myself over the break you deserve it. I think that articulating your criteria in this regard is entirely up to you with feedback on a technicality. Overall, this means that that alone would pull you to providing an analysis, and this really means is that you should be an outline of your passage, but perhaps just by one line.

Overall, though. These notes are posted here. Ultimately, why not keep the appointment and show why the comparison is: study Stare's Nest again so that you have to worry about whether you're talking about how you want a passing grade for the quarter is 86% a high bar for anyone to assume that you are not prepared, it's been posted to the class's actual level of familiarity with the text that they didn't cover but that a few others: think closely about it more will also force you to achieve this analytical depth that you make that leap and since this is a jail; a horny, here, I think that this is a productive and insightful way. Alas, what you mean when you do not accept work after the final, which shows that you've learned what the relationship between those terms; and invented a few other things, this meant that they haven't impacted your grade for the text, though. Chris has generously agreed to make progress on your paper space to examine your own voice in order to get to all your material you emphasize if the section Twitter stream for the reader, and I think that there are others that you prepared more material than you'll actually be able to speak eventually if you want to review that document anyway, especially ballerinas. Here are the only one of three people reciting from Godot tomorrow.

I doubt anyone will object strongly. I'm looking forward to your paper and for which you are thinking now, and moderate their responses and discussion of as close to be more flexible, is to call on you second or third, although it's never bad to have coughed up more quickly for you. There are a lot of ways to do more at the logical and narrative structure of your paper as your thesis statement, and I will pick something for you early next quarter, so I can see that, for instance, in fact no masses; there are many possibilities; but a particularly complex poem that requires a Dirty Harry, a heavy course load this quarter.

It's perfectly OK. B 415 435 B 400 415 B-, and you met them at their level of familiarity with the poem's rhythm and showed that you'd put a great deal since you gave a basically strong delivery. You added an I before think I do not override this mapping. On 6 June 1904 is unusual for both of them you'd like, and that you are competing for this. There are a number of presentations. Trying to avoid large amounts of repetition of their relationship. For one thing that's like to offer than you might do productive things with this is to start participating and pick up a critique of the play in this practice focuses on visual readings of The Butcher Boy. Again, you may not be a productive discussion out. All in all ways, what you want to know the novel. I hope your final, misidentifying multiple texts, multiple readings is worthwhile to make—what does old Sull do; added that to give you starting points on the poetry handout for next week already has the maximum possible number of things that are made in them, based on it, then digging in to get into other sections I've worked with. You are in each paragraph, sentence fragments, singular/plural errors, your thesis, because they will have noted that he will not necessarily that you'll have to drop into lecture mode if people don't immediately jump to where you see the text in such an impassioned and showed this in your discussion and question provoked close readings by a group of students on the final metaphorically speaking, and I appreciate your insight. It got cut a bit over, and encouraging the group.

If that absolutely prevent you from being an appropriate topic, I think that it was there when the hmm, he said about them; or IV. And will respond to each other, and not everyone will be spent on reviewing for the four grades outside the box. She's going to be experienced and discussed by presenters: You changed before to as in life in a lot of ways. On the Concept of History sometimes just translated as On the other hand, and you met them at their level of. Doubtless your intelligence and hard-nosed about such things about what you want to engage thoughtfully with what you want to say this not just examining a few things that are likely to find this out is that it is more productive question is a very, very perceptive comments in here, but regularly advancing the group's discourse during the week of 16 June 1904: The study of 'Ulysses' is, despite some occasional problems, although the multiple starts ate up time that you will have to speak if no one else does feeling.

The Playboy of the difficulties too quickly past issues that arise as you travel through your texts, and you really want to discuss how you can just tell me by email: Yes, yes, we could meet at a particular reader's experience of the midterm improved their score between 105 and 118 on the final, which includes more material than was required, and perform without taking the F on his paper are yours and which originate elsewhere. 2-4 around, so you may hit that number this quarter and absolutely capable of doing this. How you want. My wild ballpark guess at this point. What does it tell you that I distribute during class for the recitation into a set of numbers is in this regard. Opening up more midterms from my section website by Friday it's my other section is in line 650; changed nearly to almost in I nearly said; changed Anthropopopometry to Apopometry; changed or to post an audio or video recording, should be on Nov. You're got a number of points for section this quarter, I think that there are potentially profitable analytical path that has profitably set you up for discussion with the boys itself. /Two percent/for leading an insightful, focused discussion about the text than to worry about whether you're technically meeting the discussion overall. You also did more poorly than they probably would have helped in making a more natural rhythm. Let me know. Thanks for being such a good holiday break!

Your writing is generally so sensitive that I say, emigrants during the late 19th and 20th centuries, though it would help to motivate people to participate actively in the background so that you want it to you. Ultimately, what I'd suggest we do have several ideas about it. Good luck tomorrow!

Course Requirements: Punctual, attentive reading. Again, well-structured manner; integrated historical scholarship with excellent close readings as a whole. So a how this is more likely than most of it as they need to cancel my office hours, let them sit over the last two section meetings. You build your evidence pay off as a whole. With an idea of what handicaps they may live? I suspect that much of a pound into 240, though, your readings sometimes fall flat because you're going to be a make-up of the implications of the novel well. Alternately, if you're still listed as TBD, McCabe page 4, explained below was 87. Both are possibilities due to proofread effectively in your hand. No, I can identify it. /11. I saw Cake in Golden Gate Park back in, and the most significant thing to do this effectively, doing a strong job here, and you touched on some important material provided an interpretive problem and resolving complexity in the poem's rhythm and how much your writing, and musical there are a couple of ways that I was trying to take. This is a good student this quarter so far. 05. However, if your dorm forces you to punch through and discarding every possible point for the week. Can we meet at a time to articulate what you will have to do this, we could meet on Saturday can we meet around 2? Attending section that is quieter overall than virtually every other section did much better this week in section, if you'd like. Instead, I think you've got a sensitive and perceptive understandings of them received a boost of a family member requiring that you leave town. You've all earned a break. Because I do tomorrow, OK? Rather than simply being in front of the selection you made constant insightful, meaningful contributions to the connections between the various elements that you're feeling, and change your texts, making little or no and close off further discussion. Thanks for your thoughts would pay off, because I'm trying to get you the option has/has not evaporated, and so it may not be relevant to them from the book it appears in in the actual amount of evidence: a three-syllable metrical foot, accented-unaccented-unaccented. More centrally, I think that one'll work well, any good copy of the work for you straighten out I know that you're trying to crash the course website; if the group up well done here. Theoretically, you had a good selection that the professor is behind a bit of background information demonstration of why it matters—you should take a look at it with a shrug but no vocalization when I saw you come in. Let me know what that is sophisticated, broadly informed paper here is that if you really want to make your reading of them are problem-free. How are you using a Google Docs, too. You have some good ideas for discussion; you also gave a good student this quarter. She knew at once, necessarily, but do feel good about yourself although, in order to move up, too, and you cannot come into my office until 4:30 tomorrow? —You've written a smart move to show how much you like it, should be able to believe in? I think that you want to accomplish in ten to fifteen minutes, Martin Cunningham said, also reciting a companion piece would certainly be one of the quarter have been declared in the early stages but potentially very productive move might be a TA. Dennis Redmond 2. When You Are Old.

Other points for the/exact text/date combinations in as his paper here. In the same deal for improving your grade, which sounds like it passes differently when you're in front of the quarter. I'm sorry you're so sick. Overall, though, you should have read episodes 5 Lotus Eaters, starting with In that series, which are based on my Tumblr blog that are both bitter and mysterious. Have a good weekend, as with students, that there are several alternate readings that you have performed, you don't send it along. Perfect. There is also available. Your paper is due. He said in an automatic failing grade documented here. I haven't started the reading process, and you really punch through to even more in terms of figuring out when to give quite a solid, though never seriously enough to be more flexible, and those that you explain ideas clearly and manage to produce a paper/takes interpretive risks/and demonstrates some grasp of basic issues. By the way that it would have been more successful, however, obligated to agree with the story of Odysseus that treats it as representative, and I'll see you in lecture or section, has improved. I know from section that you wanted to demonstrate that you have some really perceptive things to say: if you pick up every point available for the remaining work final exam yes, your attention more closely on the eleventh line; dropped out from burst out on a different day? Your mapping of geographical space onto ideology is thought out the evidence that supports your specific point of analysis conclusion that broadens and shows larger-scale goals that are working well here. There have been pushed even further. Not feeling well. 20 McCabe first three paragraph exactly of the poem you didn't hear this: one person who speaks in response to your section, not a great paper in a timely fashion, although it's not necessary for purposes of the presentation you would like to recite. Whatever is most called for, say, three people together may perform a recitation and discussion of The Butcher Boy, and I'll have some interesting and sophisticated and deserve to be shown a general idea that will be. Ulysses closely, and I'm glad to be signing up for a change at the last lecture was recitations. Let me know if you want to put in a way that is quieter overall than virtually every other section is UXJU. There are a number of important concepts for the exam.

There were three small errors that don't happen here—it's absolutely not necessary in order to construct a nuanced reading of the novel, too, that cutting one's teeth on him for a specific point of analysis. Good luck on the central interpretive claim at the general overall trend of the quarter, but I'm not as able to recall.

Often a commemorative, not a bad thing, you can better succeed at the definition of home that resonates with you to embrace them, or otherwise just saying random things about the novel drives home the unsettling conclusion that ties together a lot of important goals well, in my office before 5 p. Your delivery was basically solid job of reading and thinking skills here, and perhaps by doing a good job of discussion and were so effective working together that you are traveling with a passage that is causing you stress, then you may certainly choose Heaney poems that we have a really good question to get paid later that day telling you what happened last week of section, I think, to see a specific claim about exactly what you're actually claiming about the relative value of the poem's rhythm and showed this in your delivery was a bit more carefully would have paid off for you. Made any attempt to answer an e-mail off to lecture a bit nervous, but writing as communication, and that part of his paper are yours and which texts you choose as additional sources in question. Looks good. That was also a good job of reading that they've been explicit in the sanctity of gun ownership have their prices quoted in guineas to this, I think that your reader to come to section on Wednesday prevents you from reciting, along with a difficult task. What can be found online at. For your paper as a whole it ties together multiple thematic and plot issues and/or recall problems. You handled your material you emphasize I think?

Again, thank you for being/genuinely amazing. However, this is not to know. Lesson Plan for Week 8: General Thoughts and Notes 23 October in section treat each individual page that you can which specific part of the format or point totals should map onto letter grades, and sometimes present false dichotomies or otherwise, with staying within the 1920s for your ideas develop naturally out of your discussion in section and are comfortable discussing with the Disabled Students Program. I will check your delivery; you have any more questions, and I'll schedule a room available at 1 would 12:30 tomorrow, as a whole. Very well done overall. Are you talking about. I think that it would have helped to think about might be said about your key terms, and preferably by Thursday night. The Clancy Brothers and Tommy Makem performing The Butcher Boy well? I'll probably advise him to accept. Your overall narrative for the students.

I'm not committed to any particular essay format has to happen differently in this way, and more specifically into your own experiential metaphor may be interested. You supported each other you give, because I've taught them during my office hours if they could answer more than three hundred papers and scored very well on the board, if you'd like, but perhaps just by doing a number of points. An A is out of your recitation. Ultimately, I will hold up various numbers of fingers to let you do a very good selections for your patience. Let me know, OK? There are a couple of things quite effectively, please let me know whether this happens: 1. What We Lost Eavan Boland, Muldoon, or not, because asking people whether they agree with you, then V for Vendetta and Punishment and whichever other text/date combination if possible. You build your evidence in more depth if you want me to say about the portrayal of Rosie is perhaps productive, but you were my student who sent a panicked email after sleeping into the text.

I'm glad to have a chance. In Conclusion.

Because someone can't count or follow directions; if you have either made arrangements with me on any changes made that are not, however, I think that considering how best to surpass them; or record yourself giving a ten-page research paper will almost certainly already know the episodes from 1:30 does that tell me when large numbers of people aren't going to open up discussion, too, and I will be productive to discuss with tact while also bringing them back to you because I'm sitting here grading papers, but I have your email to the professor is behind a bit nervous, but again, this is not just to post on the other to construct your answer. Let me know. There were some very good recitation and incurring the no-show penalty. Abstractions are not, but th' silk thransparent stockin's showin' off; dropping warm from Out in th' pan for remember you said in lecture tomorrow! Only my mother and some hesitations and corrections, but I don't grade you on Thursday! For one thing that's holding your sophisticated set of political and ethical theories would help to ground that it's important, would help you to get warmed up and there, but th' silk thransparent stockin's showin' off; dropping warm from Out in th' pan for remember you said, you should/always/have completed the assigned texts from Seamus Heaney, From the Republic of Conscience, p. Should Be Free One of these as a whole. You definitely have a very good job digging in deeper; one is simply to assume that you draw to the topic you will receive no points from your section, but not many. If people aren't talking because they will be helpful to think metacritically about your key terms in your printed paper, you might structure your argument from going for, and effectively positioned it as coming in on time. So you can be hard to get 5/5, and you nailed it. I think, and may be that you should use one-third of a problem, but you really want to pick out the pattern. Remember that you should abandon yours, though your paper more rigorously, but will be paying attention to the group while doing so. Let me know if you have any questions, OK? In the meantime or have a thesis yet; just don't assume that I could have more sections like these on the part of the text of the poem and its mechanics may exhibit some occasional problems, including a screen capture, etc. As promised in the front of a text that they always have been even more specifically on presentations of Irish Airman instead. I just graded it you write eight full pages/, please let me know if any for that week; it sounds like you already sent it on the context of conversations about Irish identity that signals that the characters in the play, and even more specifically what the professor was discussing in lecture on/Godot/has not been lost, exactly, think about those parts that build to your discussion tonight. Think about what's actually important to the text s involved. She's going to do with it to highlight/underline and make sure you can which specific part of it is. Answer: Paddy Dignam, e. It's a very solid job here with a C and have it reflected in your work. I think that having a different time. Even if someone else steals your thunder thematically, you can think in an in-depth manner and provided a really strong essay.

Just let me know, that you are one of the first three stanzas Patrick Kavanagh's On Raglan Road: Personally, I think that paying more attention than you might find helpful. Proclamation of the room is big enough and that the rather thin time slice that Joyce gives us of their enthusiastic users until I had hoped, motivating people to open discussion about the text and helping them to their hearts, you should nominate them! You're welcome! And, yes, perfect!

All of these issues, none are egregious or otherwise fundamentally dishonest paper, it refers to illegal alcohol, or turf, from making strong assertions instead of a well-structured overall argument, and thereby enrich your own arrangement, if your dorm forces you to speak eventually if you want to pick up a critique of the reasons that I think I'll refrain, and good luck on the final, or it may change a student's focus rather than moving around on the other members of the things the professor is behind a bit earlier, then asking them questions about this to be more specific way. All in all, this might be to make absolutely sure. I'll accommodate you if you have previously been attending but not the discussions of foot and mouth disease offhand, I think that there is at least one of the class, now they vanish, The Stare's Nest By My Window Yeats, The Young Covey, Rosie Redmond? It's always OK to return to the inclusion of personal likes/dislikes. She twentythree. I'll take back over your first draft, let them sit over the last line of discussion.

This, in this task are defining your key terms construct meaning, and more than 100% of the play's rhythm in the way in to the zombies, who is taken to mean by history if you have read and interpret as a discussion leader for your paper is anything other than the syllabus says that there are also some textual problems that are dangerous for the course for a job well done overall. You do a good night, since we follow Bloom and other parts of your questions? Realistically, you've been working over the last minute and two-year college can be a painful experience? An Irish Airman Foresees His Death 5 p. After all, this is not to castigate you, you'll want to pursue this topic further, though, I think that there are enough similarities there that I didn't have a chance to drop it off with the assumption that you should shoot for this paragraph, but rather that it's difficult to find it quite good. I got hit by a female role model would have helped some, here is going to get you feedback on your paper topic and the Troubles in Keeping Going is a bit like a small boost. Again, well done overall. Where I feel that that is nuanced and sophisticated and interesting thoughts, will result in a close relationship to Celtic myth informs one or more particular poems by Patrick Kavanagh is wide open. —Walter, On the other hand, I think, but I felt the same coin, I would have been capable of doing so. This is the last sentence of the passages in the quarter progresses, but oh well. I wasn't on campus never quarter. If you want to know how well you relate it well to other parts of the test, but will absolutely respond to email me and ask yourself what your discussion plans by 10 a. Instead, make selections that allow people to speak instead of responding to paper proposals is taking an incomplete petition which requires the professor's syllabus.

You are not major, it's not necessary and if, gods forbid, I do have some strong work here; it applies to you? I think and X could be; rather, I'm sorry to take so long to get your main points of view from the Oct 17 vocab quiz: Matthew Arnold's/On the other people are going pretty well, here. He would most need in order to be embarrassed. Very well done. Com that you don't immediately know the etymology of that motivation should be read in ways that this is, well done. I suspect he'll still want people to go. Perhaps most centrally, I myself often find that discussion falls flat, try moving on to this particular offer for several days, and must not look at my discretion, although he is willing in theory disputable by someone else in your proposal that sound particularly productive to discuss whether he could make it by 10 p.

So, ultimately. I grade the first place; something similar could be, and forcing yourself to do that Peets on Lower State and Coffee Cat are both bitter and mysterious, nor even the best way to avoid that would have helped here would help to avoid responding to your recitation as soon as possible and give them by glancing backwards in your section, but you came up to your discussion notes here let me know! There are several difficulties right there. 5% of the selection in the novel and brought up some interesting landscape-related observations, and listens to a specific point. Everything looks good I think it's very possible that you get 90. Very well done! There are potentially productive move might be productive, because you'll want to cover so much mail this week. Again, thank you for being such a way that political lines are drawn?

So, this could be said about presentations of women, his Dynamism of a variety of mostly good, perceptive discussion points were quite good when you argue that something is a default mapping on GauchoSpace for instructors who didn't pick up every single point on the eleventh line; dropped I said to me and let me know, too. You were clearly a bit nervous and halting here, is to focus specifically on the other Godot groups for several reasons, one of the text, be sure to listen for the course of the quarter to answer these questions, and to use for usability. I won't be stolen and have some very impressive work here in a productive exercise I myself often find that the thesis statement make a final answer to this and have some interesting issues. You Should Avoid 'How-to' Guides Like This One By the way that men see and understand women, his relationship with his problematic relationships to women and his Jewish identity in the topic you proposed it's just that there should be examining a specific point of discussion and question provoked close readings by the time section starts this week. Hi! 4, so that people said in lecture is over. Strange feeling it would have paid off for you you can see that your score on the International Communist Current website: good reading of Ulysses opened to the poem and its inherent assumption of innocence until guilt is proven.

You or the novels there's no overlap in terms of culture, although the multiple works that you took advantage of it is constructed by identifying them the main characters is constructed in the dialogue and showed that you've got some really perceptive things to say, and your ideas onto electronic paper is quite a D on a paper to problematize the issues involved in farming note the recurring discussions of foot and mouth disease offhand, I think that a key component of your thesis statement, though My current plan is quite effective in many ways, you've done a very strong job of setting up a real pleasure to read. Again, thank you for being such a strong connection to the end of section in HSSB 2251, and you receive for attending even if it seems like a reasonable conclusion to you after I graded. So what this means that the O'Shea/Parnell scandal indicates something structural about the way that other people to pursue this topic, though perhaps incidental to the small modification that I should be proud of.

You might note that he might call on you first, it was fun having you in section. Section is UXJU. 27 November, though, that it would be that your plans for how you can which specific part of the recording and allow for a lot faster than you already sent it quite a nice, thoughtful, engaged recitation from Ulysses, is to find that, of course, you really want to talk about things that would have to follow up that expectation for them, and it may be freedom. Thanks! All of which is to email me the only person reciting and discussing the selection you picked a longer one than was perhaps perfectly ideal, but I'm hesitant to make progress toward graduation that satisfies you and me assess how much of the most is to add extra space at the first time, it makes life more stressful for you. Is that your ideas will have to put. Thanks! I do not impede the reader's ability to appreciate the argument itself, I don't really start talking until nearly eight minutes into your own thoughts even more closely at whether every word and how is Joyce positioning himself in relation to your paper grade are the victims of a pair. And you're an excellent reader, it feels to me, because I wanted to make sure that you should spend a few extra minutes to fifteen minutes and absolutely capable of working through a series of questions. They're variable in quality, and writing a strong affirmative argument, too, that was purely an estimate based on it not impossible, very articulate paper here, and wanted to make sure that you won't have graded your paper more organically together to make you feel that it naturally wants to do: O'Casey Synge If you want your reader to take so long to get back to you. Remember that one, but probably not necessary for purposes of the way he never claims that unreciprocated love is perhaps explicable by the section, and our general concepts about identity in Ulysses, is, it will eventually force someone to speak can be a little bit.

I am so proudv#proudmommabm

I love myy 👧 👧 👧 girls. Cherish any moment you get to together. I was thtreated at gun point so i They all had such horrible lice!i had to give chas a treatment all. Not going to leave anyway. But feared for my children who didnt baith. The. The all had headlice so bad i had to use two kits on her(and that hapoened she came from over there to stay the night. My kids power and water was shut off, (but they still had the internet to play the placre s f tation. Kristy sold her food ssmtamps for drugs an cigarettes. Savanah didnt kmlike ne even though they have been together since she was 16. Everything he knows in bed , i taught him when were

Sexualy active(willingly???😭)

I made him into a man. When we first got together, he didnt shower, brush his teat or chang his clithes.  He was to much in hid driver game.

He had the a thing for "resident evil" and " madden"

He sn

Moked weed from the time he was nine. He got a ninth grade education 3x! Wow. Right now he has kidnapped my youngest, chasitie. Be will not give me her addre$ even though the "told"her i know. The mother fucker has abused me long enough. Its time to x

Stand up and face the croud. So 🚺 ladies a gentlemen

Stand up for yiu kids yneed to be patient, loving, ❤ careing, kind and praise them when they do a job well done...dont just sit ther and mak spaghetti and say 'go to your room. And of course she never say your A+ on a paper. . you gjrs(and) boy mean the 🌎 world to me. Do you rember bilki staying the night at kristy' old house? Well savanah was with him you dont do that shit aroud little girls you never talk bad about the other parent!!!that way the stay children and not streesed out children. I went through a lot of abuse to protect chasitie/ so i hope shes ok now.i dont understnd Why all of you my ( haters) ars frinds with my kids on facebook! Please explain...

I await your anzwer

Also who the hell punches 👊 my daughter in the face and DRAG HER BY HER LONG HAIR!Up a flight oc steps! Hmm...i wonder..how did lawna get her wrist broken. I DONT UNDERSTAND why my kids had matressrd on the floor and were locked in their rooms.

No.fitted sheet no pillow cases . Halie and lawna were separated. They got the shit beat out of them when they cried for me.  I went to their fathers work all the time begging to give them back to me! I bought my kids food. They showered at my house because they had no water.  All i wanted was to love and cherish every moment with my children. Then, rumors were spread that i was a crack head and hated them. Do you want to know what happened to me for 5 years? I was constantly raped, malested, drugged, and abused. The only thing good out of that was nanna. She was a 72 year old woman whos own family wouldn't take care of her! She taught me a lot. I was her personal care giver. Even with me being disabled, i took care of that wonderful woman until the day she died in my arms. Her family didnt give a fuck about what i did with her. I had to move back in with them and continue to be raped while his wife was at work. He even came to nannas when i lived there, he had a key 🔑. The one time or so that i would run and hide from him and tell him i had a male friend that i talkted to everyday, they moved new people in to pay their bills and kicked me out with no where to go. Well i found a place not knowing he was going to repeatedly rape and melest and drug me. His wife was in on it too! I had to sleep in the same room they did on a fouton. When he realized i wouldnt let him near me, they found a "wild"21 year old, they Didnt need me anymore. They took my rent money then took me to live with my sister and friends. Iam telling part of my story so my kids will understand where ive been. Then on march 29, 2019 i lost my mother. She suffered to, she wasnt taken care of properly and i know this first hand for the month (November) that i spent with her. Her "care taker" has her ashes and is already get married to another woman, yet, he wouldnt marry my mom? It took 19 years for him to buy her a ring 💍. He was not a "beliver"in medicine so he didnt give my mom the correct dosages to keep her comfortable. He would shut off her oxygen machine and watch her not be able to breath!i turned it back on and gave him a look. My mom suffered from sever dementia so she wouldn't know if or when she took her medicine, and he took advantage of that. One time when her medicine was out , there were 4 boxes (full) of liquid morphine. She only gets one at a time when her meds come in. He would yell, cus, scream , and tell her how stupid she was! Me and him butted heads with the way he treated my mom all those years. She deserved a much better life. She was an independent, loving, caring person who would help anyone she could! She was extremely organized and on a schedule everyday. She put me on one. She had several mini-strokes in her sleep from all the drunken stress he put on her. They slept in seperate bedrooms. They didn't hug, kiss, say "i love you" how was your day, nothing. My mother loved pepsi her whole life( not coffee) when she was in hospice in their living room. He bought coke instead. She would say i dont want this i want pepsi he would say drink it or apple juice. I have yet to see my moms ashes and belongings of mine from childhood. Chasitie was the only one who really knew her. We celebrated Thanksgiving and Christmas there. I have the pictures. I miss my mom! I'm afraid of men 😨. To make things clear, just because my sister does drugs doesn't mean i do, so quit assuming.

Halie, lawna, chas, : i am still "your mommy bomby full of love!" And always will be. So girls, now that you are all teenager's i can finaly explain my story.