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cerise-on-top · 2 years

Note

I’m a huge fan of CSR and there interpretation for batter, could I get some fluff/angst of Csr!Batter x Y/n? Perhaps y/n and him bunker down for the night and share there dreams with each other, hurt/comfort is a trope I rlly like

Hurt comfort is good too! The more painful it is, the better! Unfortunately, I couldn't remember his dream at the inn near Midnight Tower all that well, so I hope this is alright! I just remember it vaguely! Also, this got really long! Like, fanfic length long, so I hope you don't mind! It's also not proofread since I'm in a hurry today ^^;

C/S/R!Batter and Reader Sharing their Dreams

Notes: Mentions of death and suicide

He didn’t even jolt up from what he saw. He better didn’t, the people next to him were asleep, thus rendering him incapable of making even a single sound. The words he swallowed down, would anyone hear them if he let them out? And if they did, would anyone listen? Batter has heard the pleas of other people, but he never listened. His tunnel vision, that ravenous mountain he climbed to get on top to succeed, swallowed him whole to show him what he truly was. Not a beast, not a monster. No, he was neither of those things. In fact, he was nothing at all. No purpose, no allies, no reason.

A sigh from the bed next to his caught his attention. Were you awake too? You better went back to bed, there was a hard day ahead of you. Whether he had the energy or not didn’t matter. Nothing did. Somehow, the mere thought was pretty painful. He had done what he could, he did everything right. He completed his quest, he got his reward, and yet, as he rolled over, he looked at you. You, who pulled all the strings. You, who made him do what he did. You, who left him an empty shell. Another sigh from you, more shaky and breathy than the other one.

And yet, in spite of it all, he couldn’t bring himself to hate you. You were still with him. Many reasons led him to believe you could have just left him, and yet you were still there. Why? How? There was nothing to him at all. Staying with literally anyone else would have been more interesting.

This time, you sat up, staring emptily at your lap, Batter assumed. The moonlight didn’t reach your face, but judging from your position, he was likely right. Were you okay? Did his pathetic existence bother you already? More so than usual? Or did you have a bad dream as well. “My Player,” he whispered quietly, unsure if you could make out the words and hear more than just words, “are you okay?”

The sudden attention startled you, given how you jerked away from the source of noise. Had you really not noticed him? So preoccupied with your own thoughts, they must have been painful if they made you cry. You were usually so cheerful and optimistic, quite unlike him. But rain can extinguish any fire, no matter how bright it may shine.

Having turned to the source of the noise, you were silent

for another moment, likely collecting your thoughts. Or maybe trying to make out what he said. Either was fine and likely. But finally, you whispered back: “Why are you awake?”

“I had a rather unpleasant dream.” All four of his eyes were opened for once, he hadn’t even realised such a thing until he saw you stare at his second pair. Momentarily, he closed them once more, hoping you would forget the sight. Third time’s the charm, third time’s a sob you choked down. You were so brave, if only your voice hadn’t disagreed and cracked.

“Me too. Heh, they really make you think, don’t they?” He just couldn’t sit by idly and do nothing about the fact you were suffering. What kind of worthless puppet was he if he couldn’t even do such a simple and small thing for you?

“Would you like to go outside for some fresh air? I am certain we could both benefit from such a thing.”

Maybe he saw you nod, maybe it was just a figment of his mind, but either way, oh so slowly and soundlessly did you get up, waiting, expecting for him to do the same. Even in the dim moonlight, you kept your head down, hoping it would conceal the sadness in your eyes. The tears that flowed every time your heart cracked open a bit more wouldn’t dry tonight.

Taking after your example, Batter also got up, not as gracefully as he had hoped, leaving Ghost Batter to stir in his sleep and turn to face the other way. What little illumination there was aided him in finding the door, giving him a chance to not have to stumble around aimlessly to find his way. Opening the wooden craft, he let you go outside first, who hurried into the hallway, almost forgetting what the initial goal of going outside even was.It was only when the silence was disrupted by the door’s creaking that you realised what it was you had wanted to accomplish. Your companion was nearby, and thus you left for outside, where you could talk quietly.

But around midnight, there was little to talk about. Where the stars take up most of a conversation, nothing meaningful was said, as they basked in the empty praise they had been given in a beautifully haunted place. When the flowers slept and the owls ceased their lonesome songs in hopes for a mate, the night was finally completely quiet, aside from the two shivering, their hearts so far apart, they couldn’t feel each other’s warmth anymore.

And when the pointlessness of it all hit the duo, was when one of them decided to head back inside, attempting to leave for a hellish scape of voids and vandalism of their head once more. “My Player, will you join me in resting for later?”

A lack of response thrilled and filled his heart with dread up until its very core. Everything must have been alright, for it was up until mere moments ago. Perhaps his worries were for naught, perhaps they had meaning. And yet, ease and relief filled his mind for the shortest of seconds when your voice echoed in this town of abyss. “I wish I had friends to die with. Right now, I only have ones to die for.”

“Pardon?”

Clutching your arms with your opposing hands, you stared at the moon. When had it become so big? “I remember thinking that during my dream. They abandoned me again and it hurt so bad. I don’t know what to think of that anymore.”

Batter realised you opened up about your dream. And a dream was a gateway to someone else’s mind, their being of past, present and future. You left yourself vulnerable with him by laying yourself bare in front of him. He wanted to say something, he really did. You hadn’t been abandoned, you had him, didn’t you! …was he not enough?

“Everyone left me behind the same way I wish I could leave them behind.” During your small pause, he opened his mouth, wishing to at least try to convince you of the truth. But alas, he never got that chance. “When I was with my friend, someone put a knife in my back as I protected them. Without looking back, they just ran, leaving me alone with the murderer. No one came back, even when everything had passed. I felt myself bleeding out. I felt myself growing cold. I felt myself dying all alone when I was surrounded by people at first.”

No one came to your side when you needed it. He understood that. Very well, even. People never bothered to help him either, aside from you, so shallowly, to keep him alive and well enough physically. Whatever. He might as well appreciate your openness. “I met a faceless woman in an empty world. We talked before I entered a house, where I ended up meeting my demise through my own hand. Corpses of myself littered the hallway as I watched them slowly become more and more disfigured. I recognised myself less and less as time moved on. Until there was nothing. Not even me.”

How sweet the moonlight slept upon this hill. So useless, for it barely gave Batter a glimpse of your eyes, all he could tell was they were on him. His four that make people deem him more a demon than he deserved to be. If anything, they should crucify him and call him the devil, it would be more fitting.

“I’m sorry, Batter. It sounds like you’re going through a lot. For what it’s worth, I’ve also had dreams where I committed, well, suicide. If you would like, we can talk about it. I’m sorry I don’t know what else to do.” Your voice was ladened with the guilt of incapability. What else was there to do but to apologise for something you couldn’t do. But that was what partners were for, to listen to one another and try their best at helping.

“My Player, that sounds-”

“Call me (Y/N). It’s easier.”

What an honour that was. “(Y/N), do you think I have a purpose? A reason as to why I’m here? Something, that makes me more than just a puppet?” Genuine questions, even if they made him seem like a freak. At least that way he could say he was anything at all to someone else.

Sombre melancholy infested your tone with its malicious, but fitting context. “You won’t like my answer very much, but I don’t know. I don’t know what your purpose or mine is in life. I don’t know anyone’s purpose. Who knows, maybe there is no such no. No reason for living. All of us were just put into this world without being told what to do or who to be.” You took a step closer to him so you could get a better look at his face, giving it your best to smile at Batter. “But, even if there is no such thing, even if the universe doesn’t care about our existence, you can make your own reason. Look for one, even. If what you want to do is make people happy, then go for it. If you want to start a flower shop and see that as your purpose, then have it be that. What I’m trying to say is there’s nothing you can’t make your reason for being. You just have to try and find something that makes you, personally, happy. Oh gosh, I’m rambling. I didn’t mean to, sorry!”

“Make your own reason,” he mumbled to himself, repeating your words and considering them, giving them even more meaning in his head. Somehow, hearing that something like a purpose for being doesn’t need to be inherent is comforting in and of itself. It was so simple, and yet, he had never come to that conclusion himself. One hand washes the other, so he simply needed some input as to what his purpose could be. “What is your reason?”

“Simple: I want to make people happy. The feeling that I get to have made a single person smile while I was here, knowing that I was the cause, it fills me with more joy than I can put into words. It’s silly, but I just want to see the world become a better place.”

“That is a very nice reason. I can admire something like this.” Somehow, despite the adventures you have both gone through together, Batter has never felt this close to you before. You have shared beds together when there was only one, he has felt a connection with you, a strong one too, from the very beginning, and yet, all these moments paled in comparison to now. “Will I find my reason too?”

Your soft chuckle sounded, ironically, like heaven to him. “Give it some time and you will. You may not find it now, or tomorrow, but one day, you will have your reason, and then you can live life around that and feel better.” You were so kind. Your reason for being made so much sense indeed.

“Thank you. You are living out your reason very well it seems.” He couldn’t recall when the last time was he willingly did so around someone else, but he opened his four eyes around you. And even when you saw them, your smile didn’t falter.

It was a surprise to you to see them again after all this time, but you didn’t mind. If anything, Batter’s ruby red eyes made him more unique, even if he wasn’t particularly hard to pick out in a crowd, no matter the size. “Kind of, it gets a bit lonely here and there. But I’m trying, and that’s all that matters.” The chill of the night was slowly starting to get to you, but you didn’t want to leave, not yet. This conversation was flowing so well.

“I can believe such. Still, some people must be appreciative of your kindness, leaving them to become part of your life. They come and leave, but most important are the memories you make with them. Whereas they are painful and sorrowful as of right now, one day, this significance shall fade and you can look back at them with a smile and without the hurt.”

“That’s the most I’ve ever heard you talk, you know?”

“My apologies.”

“Nothing to apologise for. But you’re right. One day, all of this will be over and I can move on, you put that nicely into words.” There was a pause where you considered your next words carefully? Should you really be asking this? Well, what did you have to lose anyway.

“Batter, can I have a hug?”

How awkward of a question. Batter wouldn’t have minded one bit if you had simply wrapped your arms around him, but all things considered, you acting the way you did made sense. Naturally, he wouldn’t say no to something like this. “Of course. You are My Player, after all, (Y/N).”

There was no hesitation, only gleeful joy upon hearing this response. Still, for as melancholically happy as you were, you still wrapped your arms around him rather slowly, leaving him enough time to pull away if he so desired. But he never did, reciprocating the hug instead. He was tall and somewhat muscular. It was nice.

“I’m so glad to have you. Thank you for everything.”

“Same here.”

#off (game)#off fangame #off x reader #continue/stop/rise #c/s/r #batter x player #batter x reader #this is over 2k words long #not my longest piece of fiction but definitely longer than intended #sorry!#i just thought a fic fit best for this sort of thing!#took me over two hours to write so i was really quick on that one #also surprise requests today since I have the day off #anyway thank you for requesting and letting me practise my writing ^^#hope you like it!

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violetclarity · 1 year

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I know this may come off kind of whiny and is possibly more specific to living in the US being as it’s so individualistic, but what I wish partnered people especially (and to a lesser extent folks who live with roommates) understood about being single/living alone is just how much fucking time I spend by myself.

I’m not a person who can’t handle time alone! I don’t mind doing things by myself, even public things like going to the movies or going out to eat! I think I’m great company! But the thing about being single & not having a default person/people for a lot of these things is that all the novelty of doing things alone, or any benefit you might get from taking some alone time, is kind of erased.

It’s not a ‘fun solo movie night!’ if every time I sit down to watch TV, I’m by myself. It’s not ‘taking myself on a date!’ if the majority of the time when I eat any meal, or go do anything, I’m alone. I keep busy, y’all. I have the most active social calendar of almost anyone I know, because I love my friends, and also by necessity. My coworkers - most of whom I would never choose to spend time with - are already the people I see the most of in a week. If I didn’t make an effort to see friends as much as possible outside of work, they’d be the only people I saw regularly, and that would be fucking me up even more than it already is.

I like living alone, I like being able to do my own thing, I’m proud of myself that I don’t let not having a person to do something with keep me from doing something. And sometimes I really fucking wish I had company for some of this shit. Wish I didn’t always have to run errands by myself, because it would be more fun with a friend. Wish I had someone I could ask to come with me to check on my friend’s cat, because I don’t know if her roommate is going to be home and it might be awkward. Wish there was someone to chat with while I did chores, or have an actual movie night with so it felt like an actual occasion, or, you know, literally anything mundane that could be done with another person, because sure I see and talk to my friends a lot, but that’s usually for an activity or an event - we’re going out to eat! we’re going to watch a specific show! - and rarely just to do the daily mundane shit that I always have to do by myself.

#I went to a baseball game by myself yesterday because no one was available/interested in coming with me #and it was fun! I'm glad i went!#but I was also surrounded by people who were there with their families etc. and I wished I wasn't by myself #things like the train being delayed half an hour just feel more doable when you have someone to chat with #instead of sadly eavesdropping on other people's conversations and trying to commiserate that way :(#and I have to run this errand to my friend's cat today and I wish I had someone to go with me #and then I'm watching the indy 500 alone and that's maybe for the best bc in the past when I've had friends over #they aren't that interested in it #but it's still just another thing I'm doing alone #it just gets tiring #and like I said I'm sure this is in some ways class/country specific #it would be different if I lived with roommates sure but I don't really want to do that #and it would be different if I had a partner too but I'm not trying to put all my eggs in one basket of searching for that #I just wish more ppl my age were interested in creating local community/friendship networks #and trying to circumvent some of this and do more things together #instead of just continuing the pattern of prioritizing one romantic relationship/the nuclear family structure #anyway. pity session over.#going to get off the couch and go check on my friend's cat #she's like the only friend I have that's also interested in *not* buying into the nuclear family monogamy BS so I gotta show up for her lol

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