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chronicallycouchbound · 5 months

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Winter Solstice Reflections / Homeless Persons Memorial Day

I was 16 when I moved from the Pacific Northwest to New England. I had recently come out as trans, and I was hoping the move would be a fresh start. But the physical abuse I had already been facing at home escalated.

It was two days after Christmas when I was told to leave and never come back, so I packed what little belongings I had into a bag as quickly as I could and rushed out the door. I didn’t have food or a plan or anywhere to stay.

It’s my luck that the first blizzard I ever experienced was on my first night of homelessness here. I remember the cold night air on my freshly bruised skin and it felt nice. It felt like freedom. As I crossed the bridge from one town to the next, the snowflakes were still small and gently falling.

In exactly one week, it will mark 8 years since that first night in the cold. It wasn’t my first or last time being homeless, but it was the longest time, and I didn’t know many people, let alone people I could live with.

Most often, I stayed in the middle of nowhere. I slept on floors, in cars, on benches, under awnings, in abandoned buildings; and anywhere I could put my backpack down as a pillow and throw my jacket over me as a blanket. The cold no longer felt comforting– it was a threat to my existence. I prayed every time I closed my eyes to not freeze to death.

I didn’t have proper clothes— Chuck Taylors which had too many holes to count, basketball shorts worn under my pants that were two sizes too big for me, well-loved band tees, and a jacket that wasn’t even close to waterproof. I felt cold in my bones.

On nights I had nowhere else, I walked around all night until McDonald’s or Dunkin opened up. I remember counting steps to focus on anything but the stinging of cold. I would go into the bathroom and run my hands under the faucet until they turned from pale blue to bright red. My hands burned when they finally thawed out. Eventually, the blue became just another thing to carry with me, like my backpack and the weight of homelessness.

For a few months, I spent nights all over the county, and then, after finally getting permission from my parents to access it, stayed at the youth shelter for three years. On my first night at the shelter, I arrived late– nearly midnight. I was afraid to go in. But, they set me up a bed anyway.

Soon after I laid down, a guy a few years older than me came in from work. His bed was right next to mine. He leaned over and whispered to me in the darkness that if I needed anything, just to let him know. His name was Peter.

That was the year I met my street mom who told me I reminded her of her younger self. Her name was Sarah. I couch-surfed with Abby, who always snuck me extra pizza from her work so I wouldn’t go hungry.

Living at the shelter I met Ryan, who made us laugh as if it kept us warm. And Ariah gave anyone anything they needed if she had it. I miss Peter, and Sarah, and Abby, and Ryan, and Ariah, and all the many other friends I’ve lost.

My friends were people who stood up for me, who gave me the clothes off their backs, food off their plates, and cared for me better than family. We all struggled together and never had to explain ourselves. We were welcome just as we were.

It’s hard for me to exist in this town sometimes. I walk around and can see all the places where I nearly died, where someone else died, or where I slept at night. I’ve lost count of all the people I’ve lost over the years. I have fond memories of rooms and cars filled with people smiling and telling jokes, and then I remember that I’m the only one still alive out of all of us.

People tell me I should feel lucky to have survived, congratulating me. Acting like I should be proud to "overcome" while the system still hurts us all. As my friends– my family, are still in the streets dying. I feel guilty to just be alive. Our whole community is grieving all the time.

Tonight, as the sun sets, the temperature will feel like 2 degrees. There will be 15 hours and 18 minutes of darkness. This is only the beginning of a long, cold winter. Our community members will still be in the cold. We are still dying for warmth.

We don’t need art installations, we don’t need benches with three bars, we don’t need air b&bs. We need fewer barriers and more supports. We need safe, stable, reliable, and affordable housing. We’ve needed it for a long time. As my good friend Ariah always said, “Keep your coins, we want change”

(From my speech on 12/21/23 for National Homeless Persons Memorial Day)

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gareleia · 2 months

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THE KNITTING SAGA BUT MAKE IT SAD

part 1 part 2

lets talk about relationships, shall we. i'm gonna focus on Athena & Telemachus this time, but Hermes will have his turn later

let's be real, Athena is a hardass. sure, she cares, but she's so emotionally constipated that it really doesn't show that much. especially before she goes through that character development arc after her break with Odysseus in My Goodbye

(and what a crisis that is)

(because her masterpiece??? failed her??? but she trusted him??? she made him as in her image as possible??? he was supposed to be perfect???)

(and if he's not perfect, then she failed,,, and she can't fail, she doesn't fail,,, she's a goddess,,, war strategy is her domain, surely there is no way her plan could be flawed,,,)

(what even is the point of her if she's not perfect)

so yeah, she's a hardass. even on baby Telemachus who'd never held a sword before - especially on baby Telemachus, because he's the son of her favored Champion. he may be waaay younger than any of her previous pupils, but she's expecting him to shine just as bright.

Athena, on the first day: let's get down to business! make your father proud! you won't have a weakness! by the time we're done! you're the saddest pupil that I've had! and you haven't got a clue! but I will make a man outta you! Telemachus, a literal toddler, holding a wooden sword as big as himself: ٩(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)۶

and for years to come she trains him relentlessly. she's honestly trying to be nice about it, too. it's just that Athena doesn't do soft or gentle, her default is a neutral face of displeasure, and her idea of encouragement is saying you're not as bad as you used to be, or something along these lines.

Telemachus: *succeeds at something* Athena: *raises an eyebrow in a slightly different manner than usually* Telemachus: *le gasp* could it b-be? am I doing a good job??? Athena: it's… acceptable for your age.

she never once tells him she is proud of him. because surely he already knows. he doesn't need to hear it. his father didn't, after all (odysseus so fucking did)

and this goes on until Telemachus reaches double digits. then My Goodbye happens, and Athena has Feelings™. she's having an existential crisis, and has to confront the fact that she had done something wrong while training Odysseus, and she can't understand what. which is terrifying, because what if she makes a mistake like that with Telemachus. will he fail her too?

will she have to leave him too, so she doesn't watch him die horribly in a tragedy that could've been prevented if only she had made him see-

so Athena doubles down and starts demanding more and more from Telemachus. the praise goes from sparse to non-existent, and nothing he does seems to be enough anymore. she goes from tough love to borderline verbal abuse, thinking that it's the only way to keep him safe and prepare him for the future.

and Telemachus endures. he has to, because he doesn't want his mother to worry. doesn't want to appear weak. Odysseus had done it, so it's only fair his son should too. and when his dad comes home, he'll be sooo impressed. he can do it!

except…. not really. it's been a losing battle since the beginning, and deep down he knows it. he cant win with Athena, not on his own.

???: if you want to impress her, you'll need the blessing of a certain god! divine intervention! someone who's not afraid to- telemachus: aeolus, what are doing in my closet?!

so anyway, Aeolus and winions start helping him via winds and stuff, and Telemachus actually starts exceeding everyone's expectations. it's not that he'd been bad before, but he's soft, and not quite strong enough physically to make up for his gentle constitution

everyone is cheering him on. he's the talk of the palace! his mom is so proud! the suitors start sizing him up with consideration instead of dismissing him outright! (and tele, baby, that's not a good thing! ಠ_ಠ). Athena seems pleased for the first time in ages!! but he knows that it's all a lie, and it's killing him.

cause he's a good, honest boye, and he wants to succeed on his own merit, not because of cheating and lying to everyone he loves. that's vile and dishonorable.

que some very important island-wide competition that everyone is expecting him to join and win. maybe it's even his duty as a prince. like, a right of passage from complete boyhood to adolescence.

and there's,,, a lot of pressure on Telemachus to suceed. everyone and their mother are telling him that of course he's got this, he's a prodigy! def his father's son! nobody doubts his incoming victory! he's got this! he definitely won't disappoint them!

random noble: we'll be cheering you on, young prince! truly, we are blessed by the gods to have such a talented successor to the throne! we'll watch with keen eyes as you triumph over your foes and bring even more honor to your family! b(￣▽￣*) telemachus, eye twitching: y-yeah… thank you… (ㆆ _ ㆆ)

so, the night before the competition Telemachus can barely sleep, he's so wrecked by guilt and nerves. he keeps thinking - what would his father do in this situation? all the stories he'd ever heard of Odysseus always painted him as some kind of invincible, righteous, all-capable genius. so the idea of his dad ever grappling with guilt and feelings of inadequacy is just laughable. (oh, if only he knew)

so, he goes to his mom for advice. because Penelope is awesome. but he can't bring himself to admit that's he's cheating - what if she's ashamed of him? he brought dishonor to his father's name, and if anyone knows - will he get exiled?

so yeah, he basically has a panic attack and cries for like, half an hour straight.

telemachus, bawling: if I lose tomorrow, will you hate me? will dad hate me? I can't do anything right and I'm a failure and a horrible person and- just- what do I do, mother? penelope, holding him: oh, love. sometimes you're so similar to your father I wonder if the gods haven't returned him to me in spirit through you.

because no matter what everyone else says, Penelope knows the truth - Odysseus always followed his heart. oh, how he may have tried to forget he had one, to only ever use his head. but a heart he did have - does have, they have to believe that - and it's a bright and a gentle one. he may have been hardened by years of pain and struggle in a way that Telemachus hadn't yet (and Penelope's heart breaks from knowledge that her son will be, one day). but deep down, at ther cores, Odysseus and Telemachus are strikingly similar. and she loves them all the more for it.

and so, with his mother's blessing, the young prince does just as she told him to: follows his heart. he thanks Aeolus for their help, and asks them to stop giving it from now on. either he'll suceed on his own merit, or he'll wear his failure as a badge of honor and an incentive to do better.

and he loses. badly.

and the world,,, doesn't end? sure, the suitors sneer and jeer, but there's a surprising lack of disowning and exile going around. and the nobles tone it down significantly with undeserved adoration, which is definitely a plus, as far as he's concerned.

the only thing is. Athena.

oh boy.

because she's not stupid. Telemachus may have gotten away with cheating so far, but now he'll have to answer to her why he had flunked so badly, and she won't buy his go-to excuse of 'I got nervous!'

athena, expression unreadable: so. care to explain yourself, my stupid pupil? telemachus: w-well, you see… ha-ha… it's, uh… a funny story… athena: you threw away your best advantage! you've had a god perfectly willing to assist you and yet you still somehow managed to lose! telemachus: wait, what-

so yeah, Athena knew all along.

athena, mildly insulted: how stupid do you think I am, boy? telemachus: but! but! but!.. you never said anything! didn't even scold me for cheating! athena, even more insulted: child, I am the goddess of war strategy, where did you get the idea that I ever play fair abd straightforward? leave that to ares, the simple-minded fool!

to clarify, she's not upset at him for cheating. she's upset that he stopped doing so. so she throws some choice words at him, implying he lacks both talent and intelligence

and Telemachus defends himself by saying that he'd rather fail on his own merit, than abandon his principles and win by lying and dishonoring his family. in response, she calls him naive.

he tries to implore to her connection to his father by saying that he was just trying to do what's right. he was following his heart, just as Odysseus had always strived to. and he's training to fight for his loved ones, not for glory of being known.

it's a one hit K.O., because it reminds Athena of her recent break-up with Odysseus. of everything they spat at each other during My Goodbye. of anger, if hurt, of disappointment, of betrayal, of I loved you and you failed me, of I loved you and I failed you, of good riddance! and y̶͈̔o̴̘̖͆u̶̻̱͆͒'̸̫̩̌̉r̷̼͝e̴̩̒ ̴͎̻̈́̎ȧ̸̦l̵̗͙͌̐o̸͚͕̚n̷̟̯͠e̵̳̩͠

and is their whole line just cursed? is it their way of punishing her for something? why do they both hurt her so? is it her fault?

telemachus: athena? are… are you okay? (‘-’*) athena, coming off MG flashbacks: well, obviously, boy, why would you even ask that (ಥ﹏ಥ)

Telemachus just hugs her, because she obviously needs it. and she melts into it like never before.

because she wasn't made for empathy or kindness. she's born to be ruthless and cold. she's not supposed to love and be loved care about anything but winning. it doesn't come natural to Athena, until recently she had truly thought herself unable to, and yet-

yet here, right in front of her, is a boy who loves for the both of them. loves the whole world - sincerely, selflessly. a truly kind and caring soul (the noble even joke that is true father is Polites).

she can't love.

but maybe… maybe he will teach her.

maybe he already did.

or maybe she always could.

she forgets sometimes, that her fingers know not only the roughness of swords and spears, but also the gentle softness of weaved silk. creation goes hand in hand with destruction, and she can bind countless threads together without breaking them.

and what are humans, if not strings, waiting to be cut by the fates?

also, if Telemachus can teach the goddess of cold cynicism and detached cruelty kindness of all things, then she can teach him swordplay.

yes, it's a threat.

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goldenpinof · 8 months

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Yeah in my opinion Phil would still be up for some dapg and podcast and regular joint content and whatnot because he knows that 1) their audience (at least what’s left of it) loves it, 2) HE loves it, 3) Dan loves it. The problem is the usual: Dan wants to do something big and important so he can be taken seriously or whatever, but let’s be real — his attempts so far have led to mixed responses. The book? Wasn’t that great, we can say it now. DD? Still trying to figure out what it was for other than promo for the tour (and the content itself wasn’t good and so 2016). I still can’t believe he decided to ditch the gaming channel and joint content for *gestures vaguely* that. I wish him well and I’ll always root for him, but he really needs someone to give him career advice

i can't believe you're pulling me back with this shit redhgfs i was peacefully existing for weeks not thinking about Dan's failing career ffs. god help me!

RIGHT!!!!! all of what you said! not only career advice but also a reality check, and i mean it in a very nice way. i guess we can agree that he grew out of youtube and doesn't want to do it anymore (partially because of what happened with youtube originals. fuck them). and that's okay. and wanting something bigger, more serious, conceptual, and right for him is also okay. i support that. but every piece of, let's say, work he was trying to do outside youtube turned out to be tied to youtube anyway. and not because he wasn't trying hard enough (well, debatable), but because most of his experience that he is willing to talk about is either already mentioned on the platform or happened because of his youtube career. and also it's the best place to promote whatever he is doing, so he can't escape it unless he hires a marketing team and invests thousands of dollars in a real promo campaign. PHYSICAL as well (non-existent billboards and posters for wad shows will haunt me to death).

the book. i have a question (lots of them, but whatever). have you read it? and if yes, was it interesting from a fan's pov? and god, would i love to know the opinions of people who aren't familiar with Dan and his content. i bought the book in 2021, can't make myself read it because i'm afraid to get annoyed at him repeating himself.

yeah, i also can't believe he is too fucking stubborn to return to what clearly works for us and him with Phil. because it can be a side thing, and he can focus on his stand-up bullshit at the same time. on the other hand, i watched Lilly's interview with Anthony about how her late night show was taking ALL of her time and she couldn't continue to make youtube content. and i thought, maybe Dan is in the same situation. his new projects take everything? but there's a difference! he is not shooting 2-3 episodes per day. and for wad he delegated lots of work to other people. some of them did a shitty job, but that's a different topic. that's why i would pay my own money for dnp to talk about the work processes in detail. that could explain where all these weeks and months go. dd was shot within a few months, partly during the tour. so even that didn't take that much time. and i know there are scripts, and logistics, and rehearsals, and pitches to networks or whatever, and he is probably doing a lot of manager's work himself sometimes. but damn, math is not mathing.

#''I still can’t believe he decided to ditch the gaming channel and joint content for *gestures vaguely* that'' - my favourite sentence #answered #dan #dd #wad #bruhhh

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softsky-daily · 2 months

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3/9/2024

On Miku Day I think it's very fitting to watch the sky deepen into blue as time passed.

Positive thing: Conversation Table went well again today, and I got good food.

It was nice to be away from grad school stuff and focus on something entirely different, and everyone seems to appreciate it which is cool too. At the same time it makes me sharply aware that my schedule is packed to the brim in a way that theirs isn't. I show my various checklists and my calendar to friends who aren't from my classes and I see them physically balk. I always wonder if my time management is just off, and it probably is to some extent - but what was I supposed to sacrifice? Even more of my limited rest time? Needing to eat? I remember emailing my professor for help for something one time and she said if I was having trouble I should've emailed earlier. But how was I supposed to know I needed help before I realized I needed help?

I was also surprised by another thing recently. That there were people who never experienced depression for long periods of time, who never experienced keen anxiety, who never thought seriously about wanting to die. I guess surprise isn't the right word. I know logically people like that exist, and technically, statistically are the majority. But I couldn't comprehend a life like that. Not that I don't think those people don't have struggles or genuine hardships of their own, but being mentally ill really shifts how you have to approach things in life or take care of yourself. It takes an enormous amount of effort during times like these where I'm stressed to find the worth in continuing. I can't fathom what ease there must be for people who never have to contend with those kinds of feelings.

Well. I suppose it's not really an ease. It must hit a lot harder when you're going through a difficult time and to you it's genuinely the worst thing that's ever happened. I've seen friends distressed over things I experience often and feel numbed to. I never think what they feel should be minimized because obviously the enormity of those feelings, regardless of the reason they come up, are very real. It's just different.

But anyway. I'm just going through it. Today wasn't bad by any means aside from the mental health issues. Dinner was good - we went to the Chinese place nearby and the lady gave us these rice cakes that were delicious, and the other food was good as usual too.

My dad also sent us more groceries (rather, he bought them and I picked them up at Sam's), so I should hopefully be set for a while food-wise. It was hard to not have a lot of easy-to-make meals like frozen food available since I have very little energy and time to cook most days. But now there's lots of frozen fried rice and other things.

I'm skipping going to the beach with my friends to sleep and honestly that's probably the better option. I have lots of homework to do too but I'll take it one project at a time, so I only need to finish one of them by tomorrow, and then I can focus on the others more next week. But yeah time to sleep. Byeee

#skyposting #thoughtposting #foodposting

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laineystein · 6 months

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A bit of a nighttime rant/blog thing because I’m leaving soon and can’t sleep (though that has nothing to do with the fact that im leaving soon — I typically can’t sleep as most of you know by now)

I spent a lot of the day in our little shul here. I’ve come to really love being one of the only women on base and I’m definitely one of the only frum female soldiers…if not *the* only one. But it’s nice because it’s so quiet and it’s like existing in your own shul and it was just me and Hashem chatting for almost two hours. Then I prayed for our hostages and our chayalim. And then I cried. Which I’ve done a lot lately. But it was like therapy and I was so grateful to have it! When we leave I will be in a place with no privacy and no quiet. I’m really trying to cherish it.

When I finally emerged to eat I ran into a soldier I actually met recently. He’s 19 (a baby!!!) and a lone soldier. He’s the sweetest young man and I adore him. And he told his Ima that he feels safe with me around and I’ve spoken to her on the phone so now I feel extra responsible for his wellbeing. Anyway! We went for a run after dinner and we talked about a friend we lost last week. Then we talked about the other “friends” we’ve lost; the ones that have chosen to turn a blind eye and push us away while our tribe is going through the most painful thing a group can experience. It’s a different kind of trauma, to grieve the living. I genuinely only had two goy friends before all of this and now I only have one. The other I have completely detached from and have no desire to ever speak with her again. When people show you who they are, believe them the first time. I’ve said it before but I have my tribe and my safety and happiness will always lie with the Jewish people and I’m so content with that. My lone soldier friend, however, (and rightfully so), is really struggling with this. He did not grow up in a Jewish neighborhood like I did. He was not born in Israel. Many of his friends are goy. And he is really struggling with them. And my heart breaks for him. Because I don’t know what to say to make him feel better. Because what I want to say is to forget them and focus on the love of the Jewish community. But I know that’s not as easy for everyone as it is for me. And I just wish there was more I could give him. So if anyone has any words of wisdom I will happily share it with him!

Then I spent the rest of my night checking out supplies and packing my kit while on the phone with my husband. Which took me far too long because I kept getting distracted which has been happening a lot lately. Too many balls in the air, not enough hands to catch them all. But my bags are finally packed so I’m just waiting at this point. Which is the effing worst…hence why I’m currently shouting into the virtual abyss.

Did I mention that my husband might be fostering a dog while I’m gone? A dog that was found in the South was sent to a rescue in Tel Aviv and it had puppies and now my husband wants to foster one…and cited my physical absence in his life as being equivalent to missing the energy of a small hyper dog, hence the need. So I’ll probably be going home to a dog because my husband is the most laidback individual that is not at all affected by anything and will excel at canine fatherhood the way he excels at everything else in life. Standby for updates on this disaster.

Anyway.

How’s everyone else doing? Anyone have any good news? How’s the diaspora? Everyone okay out there? I worry about y’all. People have lost their damn minds. Just a reminder you can apply for aliyah anytime you want. We’d love to have you 💙

Tov, going to attempt sleep I guess. Take care of yourselves, fam 🫶🏼

#lainey things #blog-ish things #let a girl kvetch #⚔️🇮🇱

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tranquilpetrichor · 2 years

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perfectly imperfect

synopsis: in which yunho helps you let go of your fears, one 8-count at a time.

cast: dancer!yunho (ateez) x dancer!reader, mentions of other ateez members.

genre: comfort, some fluff, friendship with implication of a mutual crush

wc: 1.7k

warnings: some negative self-talk, descriptions of physical exhaustion, cursing, some parts not proofread

a/n: sometimes we do indeed get lost in our own heads. there's so much to think about when you dance for a class/career lol but honestly at its purest form (for me) dance should make you feel good. also. there's such a fun feeling fooling around with people after dance practice. anyways enough from me! this one is a little rough, sorry y'all. school is annoying.

taglist: @restlessmaknae

remember what yunho told you. try not to rely on the mirror.

your arm glided above your head, creating an invisible semi-circle as you went through a choreography your friend, yunho had taught you. after finishing the routine, you collapsed on the floor near your phone, and with a bit of effort, stopped the video that was recording.

time to review the footage. having exerted yourself to your last breath, you were more than happy to have a reason to sit down.

"oh? what the hell," you frowned at your screen and made a disgusted face—anyone looking at you probably would have thought you ate something rotten. you might as well have.

your angles weren't clean enough. that part should have been smoother. right arm, not left! yeah, you spent a good few minutes rewinding that damn video. just to make sure you weren’t missing anything, you watched it again while you were rolling out the arches of your feet with a tennis ball.

you hoped that you'd execute yunho's choreography well enough to use for an audition, but right now things weren't looking great.

the door opened, and yunho walked in, noticing how tired you were. he still appeared upbeat, even though you knew he was probably exhausted too. "y/n! thought we were, uh, taking a break."

a sigh escaped your lips. "well, i was. but after you left, i just wanted to run the dance one more time. for myself."

he began to stretch some more, and you couldn't help but always be quietly amazed by how graceful he was. "i expected that," he said with a shrug. "you've always been a perfectionist. one more minute to rest, and then we'll run the choreography again."

you went over it in your head, methodically addressing your mistakes and praying there would be no stupid gaps in your memory when it was actually time to dance.

yunho walked over to the laptop and pressed play, with "hymn for the weekend" by coldplay blasting out the speakers, and then he went to go sit in the corner.

okay, what do i have to remember?

for one, the dance started on an odd count—leave it to yunho to make things unpredictable for you. and he choreographed it mostly to beats in the instrumental, so that's what you were going to focus on this time.

"1, 2, and 3!"

flick, flick, 6 and 7, 8. through, down, 3, 4. fuck, is this even supposed to be the hand detail? whatever.

and before you knew it, you were finished. everything felt practiced, and you thought the dance went slightly better than last time.

perhaps you could chalk it up to muscle memory—thank god that existed! still, there was always something you could fix, but for the moment, you took a sip of water from your bottle, grateful for its cool temperature.

yunho went over to stop the music. "alright, so that was better. definitely! maybe a few details that still need a bit of work, but you definitely know the dance. the major comment i have is relax, y/n. please. i can see you’re not dancing in the moment.”

that was still one of your major flaws—that your brain refused to be at peace. your thoughts felt like a constant whir, hyper-focused on the nitty-gritty of whatever you were doing. that was nice and all when you were reviewing someone else’s dancing, but it seemed to hinder your own.

“i guess habits really are hard to break,” you said, laying on the floor with a groan.

he sat beside you, and you instinctively steadied yourself using his shoulder, almost all of your adrenaline gone. you began to think of all the things you forgot to do during the dance, and remembered yunho's comment about not dancing in the moment.

what am i, a deer lost in headlights?

your thoughts were interrupted by him, probably for the better. “don’t beat yourself up about it. i know you, and you’re trying. you wouldn’t be here if you weren’t. and you’re improving—anyone with eyes can see it.”

instinctively, you looked away from him, down at some speck of dust on the floor. “maybe? i think? i’m not as good as you though, great yunho-ssaem."

humor always diffuses a situation, right?

yunho gently turned you to face him and laughed, but it wasn't out of malice. “don't discredit yourself like that! none of us are perfect—i’m still learning, myself.”

for his youthful energy, he was actually quite wise in his mindset, which is why you trusted him a lot, along with the fact that him being almost a year older wasn't so significant for you.

“i mean, i know you’re right, but clearly i still can't fix my problem.”

he gave a mock gasp. “but of course, i’m right, y/n. no, but seriously. knowing you have a problem is half the battle. some of us never get to that. give yourself time to grow."

you gave yunho a fist bump, and a quick hug. "god, you're the best. what the hell would i do without you?"

it was his turn to look slightly embarrassed, cheeks slightly flushed from the compliment.

"haha, thanks y/n, i try my best. anyways, forget that shit about me being perfect. did i ever tell you about the time i did a duet with mingi but started my section a few counts too early?”

you shuddered and gave him a sympathetic look. "i would rather start late than early, honestly. everyone can see an early start.”

“hey, i did just fine after! and at least it was just a practice. mingi sent the video to me. i'll show you," he said, taking out his phone.

you never missed a chance to learn from other people’s work when it came to dance, and watching videos was a great way to learn.

he stood up and lifted his hand way above your head with a teasing grin. screw tall people.

you jumped, but it didn't get you that far off of the ground. “yun-hoe! oh my god, stop being tall.”

“you’re not even that short,” he said, laughing at you. “but i’ll still always be taller than you.”

“i hate you."

after you gave one more playful attempt to swipe the phone, he finally sat down, scrolling through his camera roll. “look, now you can see how unorganized and chaotic everything is. there's wooyoung twerking, you and san trying to flip—ah, found it."

"haha, you can send me that video of wooyoung later."

yunho laughed. "maybe."

he clicked the duet and the video began to play, starting off with shakiness as a pair of hands attempted to adjust the camera’s position.

you could hear yunho’s laugh. “mingi, stop touching it. i think it’s good now. let’s go!”

“i guess you're right, fighting!”

the two stood side by side, with shared smiles. you knew that feeling well. dance friends were the best.

and then there was the part yunho had mentioned: his early start. it was sorta cute, as he realized he was off the counts and jumped back to his starting position. it would easily be embarrassing for you, but he laughed it off easily.

mingi slapped him on the back in the video. “damn, dude. you got on my ass for missing the timing and here you are.”

after, yunho went to restart the music, grinning. "just remember that i’m older than you, mingi. shut it!”

“it's only by a couple of months!”

the two returned to dancing, this time, starting perfectly in sync. you could feel joy radiating off of the two, and it was clear they loved every second of what they did. you clapped eagerly for them, amazed by how in command of themselves they were.

yunho turned to you after the video ended.

"look, that was only the tip of the iceberg of my embarrassing mistakes. and that wasn't even that bad so far." he laughed sheepishly before continuing.

"but at least, there isn't a person in the world who's perfect. why worry so much about that when you could enjoy yourself? it naturally makes your dancing that much better, too."

he went to grab his laptop, typed some stuff in and handed it to you. "remember our playlist? let's shuffle it and have a freestyle battle! and we could get bbq after. my treat.."

you perked up, especially at the thought of food. he was definitely trying to distract you from your endless thoughts, but you didn't mind, not today.

"you're on. rock-paper-scissors, loser goes first!"

"one, two, three, shoot!" you both yelled, and you shrugged, as you'd lost to him.

"see, rock always wins! do your worst," yunho said.

“i will.”

to your delight, the first song that came on shuffle was a childhood favorite of yours—umbrella by rihanna. it had gone on your shared playlist as soon as you rediscovered the catchy tune.

you started to dance, and although your moves were somewhat slow, they still had a fervent energy to them. everything moved of its own accord. really; the only way to describe it was that there was an amazing sensation you felt every once in a while, when the music could guide you to become a different person entirely.

that was stupidly cheesy, you knew. but it was good to feel so free. it was possible for you.

"okay, then!" yunho yelled after your two 8-counts were over, hyping you up. "that's what i'm talking about! but i'll still kick your ass."

you laughed, glad that you could tease someone, but all in good fun. "we'll see about that."

it was his turn to show off, and he didn't even need to do anything fancy. whether the audience was ten, a hundred, or there wasn't one at all, he performed. the energy he had electrified the room, every kick and flick of the hand holding meaning.

no one's perfect. give it time. you'll get there, you reminded yourself. normally, you'd try to compare yourself to dancers like yunho, the ones who seemed like they had it all. their skills wouldn't stop you from becoming the best dancer you could be, enjoying yourself along the way. there were always going to be things you wished were better, but worrying ate away at your mental health.

in the background, the music continued, its beat making you sway with ease, and suddenly, all that mattered was this moment of two imperfect dancers sharing their craft.

#ficscafe #ateez x reader #ateez imagines #ateez fluff #ateez scenarios #ateez yunho #ateez #ateez x atiny #ateez reactions #ateez angst #jeong yunho #tranquilpetrichorfic

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gideonisms · 1 year

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I totally feel the exact same way, reading your post was like reading my thoughts! I looked at getting into the trades recently as a way to escape talking to people and the things I heard from women who work in the trades about the level of harassment they experience there made me realize I could not handle it, because at my current dumb customer service job the moment old men remark on the I way look or how I’m “prettier” than my male coworkers (as a dumb joke that happens every day) I feel gross over it forever. I just feel like there’s no future for me where I’m not suffering constantly lol. at least if I were a man there might be a job I could do where I was mostly left alone. but anyway I have to believe we will one day find something that works for us

Oh same I was like should I just try and be an electrician or something? But then I realized I'd have to get guys to believe me about their wiring and go into their homes. It really feels like I can't exist in the world as the person I am because even the careers that involve less socializing still require a level of social maneuvering that might have been doable Before I experienced the Horrors but now I find I've lost all patience for them. Nevertheless I do very badly want to exist so we press on. sorry you relate! Wishing you the best and I really believe we'll get there one day

in case you find it helpful, here's some things that helped me cope with customer service:

if you live with someone else, let them know you need time alone after your shifts, smooths that relationship so you don't have to worry as much at home

drinking coffee or tea on the job. Take a sip when people are talking to you in a way you don't like, it's a socially acceptable way to cover your expression

take the bathroom break BEFORE you lose it not during or after

a lot of times not saying anything or walking away from a situation is better than engaging. Stand there and look at the counter silently if you have to

on a bad sensory day, sometimes you can feel a breakdown coming on and the way to avoid unprofessionalism at work is to just call in

the way to offset this is unfortunately to get along well with your bosses and work hard while you're there. if you're good at one task in particular lean WAY into that

stay busy to distract yourself. I loved organizing the candy and doing mods. If you're good at organizing you sometimes get assigned to do that more and it's great

put yourself on basic courtesy autopilot for coworkers who don't like you and save the social energy for the ones who do, that way you'll feel supported at work which makes dealing with customers easier

therapy for anxiety will often tell you to focus on your physical experiences but personally what worked better for me was to pick a topic I enjoyed and zone out thinking about it, refocusing on that topic if my attention drifted. I guess if any of your physical experiences feel nice like you have something warm in your hands you can focus on that too

#even if it takes the next ten years i will one day sit in peace and quiet doing tasks and getting paid good money #in the meantime we find peace and quiet where we can!#replies #customer service is doable if you have the brain we do. it's just the tips that work for other people aren't always helpful #they tell you to spend your energy empathizing with the customer. nahh #basic courtesy mode unless they love you already #engage as little as possible if they're mad cut those losses and move on #you can sometimes just autism your way out of a man having a crush on you. turn yourself into a wall when he is there #unnerve him with your robotic ways #sorry you didn't ask for all of that anon. it's just things i wish i had known early on

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dualityvn · 2 years

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pain, suffering, agony even. i know no rest, just brain rot and theory about these two immaculate boys. and i cant even be that mad about it because i love thinking about them </3

So, the idea that Keith and Tenebris have two separate bodies but cant physically be that far away from each other. a Wonderful concept for angst because to absolutely no ones surprise i am an angst goblin. i digress.

Im going to be real with you, some of the potential lore crumbs hidden in ask responses just completely dismantles my entire argument, so were going to play my favorite game, ignoring potential cannon because it doesnt fit nicely into my theory. That being said, i dont think im being To out of pocket, because you have mentioned that the way they are talked about on the blog is not entirely accurate. anyway, the basics of all of my "two bodies" theories goes like this, Keith=human=physical body, Tenebris=not human=no physical body. This is supported by us not being able to touch them both at the same time, and the idea that Tenebris doesnt get much "time out". But that evidence, along with other bits, does also imply that there is a way for Tenebris to also exist on the physical plane in a physical body. Currently, i have no justification for this other than the fact that it seems right, but to be fair to myself thats what all of my theories are based on so whatever.

Ignoring that to focus on the real issue, what if they have two bodies but cant stand to physically be away from each other by more than a couple feet? well that depends, why can they not be separated. Is it a psychological thing, where theyve just been around each other for so long that being apart is weird and hard? or is it a physical thing, where theres some kind of invisible tether that keeps them together and doesnt allow them to be far apart? or of course, my favorite (bc angst) does being apart cause them pain, either physical or mental, for whatever ill-defined reason. Truthfully, some sort of invisible force forcefully keeping them together is the only thing i can see keeping them together 24/7, unless of course by "you cant separate them" you meant it more in a metaphorical sense of one cannot exist without the other rather than a proximity thing. i dont know and you wont tell me so we continue into the dark.

if you Did mean for it to be interpreted that way, then they would kinda have to have two bodies, again with one of them maybe not always physically existing. They are a package deal either way, one body or two, physically being able to be apart or not.

im going to go take a rest now, until your next inevitable tease spurs me to life again. ive said it before ill say it again, you are way to good at pushing my buttons its kinda scary. goodnight

Since you've worked so hard, I'll tell you that you've gotten the tiniest bit closer, but you've also strayed further. If you combine several elements of more of your theories from this ask and others, you might get there.

Just wanna make one thing clear. Regardless of Tenebris' physical situation, he will always be his own person and not something that broke away from Keith like the Jekyll and Hyde situation, where Hyde was basically the evil side of Jekyll.

#duality game #yandere #dating sim #duality theory #18+

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theladyinwhite13 · 10 months

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(it’s me. hi. i am Julie, it’s me.) what the biggest red flag you seen? what’s the longest thing you’ve written? Is life a computer simulation?

there’s this boy (he really doesn’t deserve to be called a man) who’s the son of a family friend, and so my dad is *convinced* that I like him and he’s not really a bad person per se, so I try to be nice to him, but he’s just SO DUMB. and i KNOW i shouldn’t call people dumb, but this guy really just isn’t smart. so anyway he works at this store and when we were checking out, he was ringing up liquid chlorine, and the price was 79.99 for four bottles or 159.99 for eight. and I was explaining to him that you can just round the 79.99 to 80 and then minus the two extra pennies later, and that the total cost for two four packs is 159.98, so the price wasn’t that different and that it just depended on how much chlorine my dad needed AT THE MOMENT bc there was not “deal” for buying more, but this dick IGNORED ME, and put two four packs in the cart to see if the price was less than when he put one eight pack in the cart, like I just fucking gave you the answer. the thing is that I genuinely don’t think he was trying to be misogynistic or anything, just that he honestly didn’t understand the math that I was explaining, which is FINE, some people need it to be visual, but COME ON. (actually tell me if how I explained that math made sense so I know if it’s me or him that is stupid) also once he was super rude to his mom, bc their dog was trying to eat their pet pig that was supposed to be a meat pig (welcome to the south y’all) and he didn’t think his mom should care about a pig that wasn’t supposed to be a pig, like dude be nicer to her, YOU LITERALLY WOULDNT EXIST WITHOUT HER.

anyway aside for that walking red flag, it really bothers me when people are super inauthentic. like when I was a kid, I would befriend someone and then see them with other friends later and they were super different. it just bugs the hell out of me. i mostly only had that problem when I was younger though. i’m just more selective with who I spend time with now.

when I was twelve, I attempted to write a fantasy novel. it was a prince and the pauper retelling with two girls and there was this magic system where people could steal dreams and nightmare and sell them on the black market. i deleted it a few years ago, but between the 60,000 word manuscript and the notebooks full of ideas for it, it was the longest thing i’ve written. it was also the gayest thing I’ve ever written.

after I realized I didn’t believe in God (emphasis on the big G), I had phase of being really unsteady with my feelings about the world (like the physical earth) bc if he didn’t create it than where the fuck did it come from. obviously science has its explanations, but after so many years of being told it’s “God’s creation” I was really just lost. eventually, my perspective started to start bc I realized that it literally DOES NOT MATTER where the hell the world came from or where we will eventually be. yes, a happy afterlife would be cool, but so would dying peacefully alongside loved ones and never having to worry about all the shit that doesn’t involve me like the creation and/or creator of the world. so, my point is that even if the whole world is just a simulation I’m sort of okay with that, and I’ve told myself to not waste my valuable time caring about that, and instead just focus on what is immediately available to me, like the present moment.

these were very long response, I guess it IS me, I AM the problem. who knew? (actually I knew)

#it’s unusual ask time with julie

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itstimetodrew · 1 year

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alright I'm taking the bait @crystaloregarden, rolling up my sleeves...

Short Answer: 2, if you want to keep it simple from a narrative or marketing perspective (thank god for their differences in design netting us 2 kotobukiya figures...blessed are the Marik fans getting to spend double money 🙏)

Long Answer: I'm read more-ing this shit

(tw for mentions of abuse and death and suicide)

Summarizing sections from a 17-page google doc I have on him involving topics like this teehee

Anyway! I feel like there really isn't a definitive answer. Just what exactly Yami Marik 'is' isn't 100% clear. Is he a stereotypical and negative portrayal of something like DID? Is it a case of possession, and if so, how much personality does this spirit have of its own? If you see Yami Marik as a separate character, does he begin his own existence when created by Marik, or is it not until he gains a more physical and tangible form? If you don't consider him his own character, what would it take for him to become an entity in his own right, or is it impossible because of his beginning? So many cool questions, no concrete answers!

I think in that sense, people arrive at different answers depending on their view. I think canon shows them more as separate people, or at least for Yami Marik to be a separate Entity, to keep the story cleaner. He is the personification of moral and emotional faults and failings, generational trauma, of being abused, and wanting to abuse others, just to name a few. In a story where he is a villain for an arc for a franchise pushing card game sales, we have to put a nice bow on it all! Marik is bad, but this Other Marik is worse, so we just kill him to redeem the 'good' one and dust our hands off before the next villain comes in.

I can see how that notion can be either inspirational or uncomfortable for people. If you could separate all the qualities of yourself that you dislike and banish them, would you? On one hand, Marik overcoming his 'darker half' shows that what's important is to always work to become better, and no one is too far gone. It's hope and change that drive us forward. Conversely, ironically... that message rings hollow if you see Yami Marik in another light. Why is it fine to portray him as a monster (literally, as he fuses with Ra) and use his death as a benefit for others? We don't get much more character growth for Marik after this, he mostly joins Ishizu in dumping some lore about ancient ceremonies, so we just know he's 'better off' now. (Again, I'm not complaining Marik should have gotten more focus, because his time in the story was up and Millennium World was rushed enough as is without expanded Keeping Up with the Ishtars tidbits. I just love him as a character so much, it's an interesting conclusion for him canonically!)

For my personal take on The Lore, I think what we know as Yami Marik began as the culmination of millennia worth of trauma going back to Kul Elna. A slurry of souls, now voiceless and faceless, only wanting to exact retribution. They gain power and influence being passed from one generation to the next via the Tombkeeper's initiation until we hit Marik, where finally there's enough built up for a more solid Form to emerge. Not something totally new, though. He still uses Marik's name, identifies Marik's siblings as his own (interestingly enough not Marik's father though, IMO showing continued dissociation from the abuse he faced), but has clear quirks and preferences of his own. And none of this is going into the relationship they have with each other, both trying to kill the other/themself but having a purpose rooted in self-preservation. They reflect one another and share a common base, so where does the 'self' end and the 'other' begin?

Idk, all I know is it's Yugioh and my head hurts.

#i want to keep writing but its late and I'd just recreate my doc here skdfj #MARIK IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO COOL!!! I LOVE THE MARIKS!!!!#i am Fascinated with characters that tackle themes of Inner Self Become Manifest...so cool so cool......

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mrfandomgage · 1 year

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Goat: so what can you do

Gage: anything and everything

Goat: ok, but I mean for how long, how often, what limits you have

Gage: ... depends...

Goat: on what?

Gage: ... we both know I'm an ungodly powerful being capable of willing existence itself, typically just to separate existences from the core and make my own little spaces

Goat: yes? This house we're in is kinda like that.

Gage: this house is just a space so we can recognize a kind of setting. Where are we now?

Goat: the living room?

Gage: now that you've said it, yes, this does in fact look like a living room, but not to us, the viewer. What else?

Goat: what else? Weren't we discussing your limits?

Gage: Creativity. That's a limit imposed on me, as well as confidence. Me and the miss ATE MY FUCKING TUNA!

Ms Fandom, other room: I THOUGHT YOU MADE SOME FOR EVERYONE!

Gage: ... we don't technically have limits, however there are struggles that we do impose. We found we have more fun when we fight on human terms than on godly terms of power. Not only because fights end faster, but because fights feel like fights, pain and adrenaline are much more gratifying than seeing every star in the sky collide for endless hours of a day.

Goat: Sadomasochism for the win

Gage: ... quite

Goat: so the whole infinite power thing, you still have a mortal body. How does it feel?

Gage: I've never been more depressed. Really, everything and anything can be done, one of the greatest challenges I face is my own confidence to face the day.

Goat: ... Hot Topic

Gage: NO

Goat: Hot Topic kid

Gage: No, no. Really, no.

Goat: what's there to be sad about, you can have anything you want?

Gage: yes, but I don't get satisfaction from just having what I want, I want to earn it! People say they want an easy life, but do they really? Having a free ride to anything takes the pleasure out of getting there, it's a prize with 100% chance of success, in a life with no guarantees.

Goat: you do realize you're spouting off to a person with your own philosophy?

Gage, upset: it's just nice to have a space to get it out.

Ms Fandom, handing Goat a Tuna sandwich: here ya go, I made some more!

Gage: that was me shouting earlier...

Ms Fandom: oh... well look at him, he's happy eating!

Gage: ... fluffy boy. I guess I'll go make more

Ms Fandom, handing Gage a half a sandwich: I wanted to share anyway. What's a story without high points?

Gage: Night Terror

Ms Fandom, grumpy: edgelord

Gage: spare me the compliments, I'm the best at what I do

Goat, eating: this was a tangent, but you never answered my question.

Gage: what do you mean?

Goat: I meant how does it physically feel with your body...

Ms Fandom: Oh! You mean the infinite!

Goat, nodding:

Ms Fandom, Giddy: Torturous! Imagine being constantly high on adrenaline! Lightning pulsing through your bones, and making you feel like you have to explode or else you're doing nothing! And you can't just explode you need to keep layering it on, going beyond the limits of even a single universe!

Gage: ... she has a high pain tolerance. For me it's a dull sensation that's constantly there throughout my body.

Ms Fandom: right! He channels his energy mostly through his cloak. I may also have a cloak, but it's not to the same effect, it's to push more energy through myself using me as the focus and the cloak as a battery. He's more like a battery to his cloak.

Gage: funny enough, we'd both be better off if we used each others styles

Goat: what

Gage: I use less energy from myself, but I like fighting as a bruiser, where if I used more energy from myself, attacks would hit harder

Ms Fandom: I like nimble attacks, and high precision over brute strength, while the strength is good for using an arm as a javelin, it is much better to use less energy from myself to guide it.

Goat: but neither of those are-

Gage: we know

Ms Fandom: yes, but effectiveness even in the slightest margins helps, even if we don't do so

Goat: ... I'm just a furry, I don't need godly power-

Mr and Ms Fandom: Oh great pharoah how may we serve you!

#gage fandom #averagegoatman

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aikuma · 6 days

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(The blinkies thing looks cute, so I want to use them too.)

Hello. Here is my official pinned post.

I will likely not be saying anything of the sort about myself in terms of identity...I am extremely paranoid. This blog exists so I have a place to talk about my thoughts and feelings. I will usually talk regarding my perspective on mental aspects, but I will maybe also talk about anything else that comes to mind....There may be posts about discourse, as such.

You can call me anything and refer to me anyway.

Here are important things to know:

I have no/little affective empathy. I am still an emotional person but all my emotions are about myself.

Even so, I do try to be nice. I stand up for other people because I think it will make the world an easier place to live in, which in turn, gives me an easier life...I think everyone should get to live their own way and be left alone. The golden rule: Treat others how you wish to be treated.

I am paranoid and experience delusions and intense anxiety.

I have intense homicidal thoughts/feelings/urges. However, I am comically afraid of blood and gore. I will never post images of blood and gore and guro.

I do not have a Dissociative disorder...But I do have people in my head, I believe as a coping mechanism. I am not claiming any label. I am just stating what I experience.

I do not believe I am human. Physically I am human, but in Soul I believe I was not meant to be born human.

I believe I am just like everyone else...Besides being inhuman, of course. I am not better or worse or different. I am just me.

I talk in a very stilted way you may have noticed. I do not do it on purpose...I just feel most comfortable talking this way. I tend to not make sense occasionally and just ramble.

I hyperfixate and take things very literally. I am incapable of not seeing things in a gray way. I always focus on exceptions and "what-if"s.

I do not believe in the concept of morality. "Morality" is human-defined. There is no such thing as cosmic morality. There is no such thing as a good or bad person, or even good or bad actions. Not in the eyes of the universe. We are all just alive. The world is just as is.

(That is not to say that is no such thing as harmful actions. Of course, you can hurt other people, and that is usually "bad". I am merely speaking literally and philosophically.)

I do not have a "DNI". I will block you if you make me uncomfortable for any reason...Therefore, in theory, anyone can follow me.

Here are some more about me, fun facts:

I love language, I can speak 2.5 languages (learning the third one).

I love bunnies.

I like pretty things. I love Earth and nature. I believe my Soul is connected to the Land.

I love learning about hyper-niche skills, like how books are physically manufactured, or how to perfectly clean a stuffed animal...(If you have a skill like this, please tell me in detail!)

Thank you for reading my page. :]

#aikuma

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thispabulum-blog · 8 months

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Welcome Back, Kotter

Been a while, eh?

I'm pretty much settled in at my new job and I just had my first first date in a long time, so let's chat.

Cuddlebug and I are still doing well! We've done a lot of work on problem-solving and conflict resolution, and I'm getting used to being in a relationship where people communicate and things can change whenever they're not working optimally. Witchcraft, I say! I don't want to go into a whole post of "Look how cute my boyfriend is", but I definitely could.

Item 9 is good. He went silent for a while, but it turns out there was some Big Family Drama going on in his world, so he's been busy sorting all that out. He's supposed to be coming over tomorrow to hang out with me and Cuddlebug, and we're very much looking forward to that.

(Cuddlebug and I recently finished watching Yuri on Ice, so that's what we've got for gifs today)

Aquaman has disappeared. The last time we spoke, over the summer, he was going through what was probably a mental health crisis. Unsurprisingly, tbh, what with his level of burnout. I don't know if he just spiraled, or if he went back to his abusive ex, or what the situation is. I hope he's doing okay.

Baymax reappeared this past spring, and then disappeared almost as quickly. Supposedly him and his ex broke up, he's now poly and pansexual, he fooled around with my boyfriend, told us he loved us, and then within weeks I was blocked on everything and his fiancee is being passive-aggressive on social media. Oh well. Good luck with the marriage, bro.

Dr. Strangelove...I might have to go into all of that some other time. He exists, but things are increasingly weird.

Anyway, I said something about a date?

As I've spoken about before, I don't super like Hinge, as far as dating apps go. I feel like the focus on "prompts" and only being able to have a few on your profile really limits what kind of insights you get about a person, and it doesn't seem to have calibrated at all to what I'm interested in. They say the best way to get it to know what you want is to swipe, so I do that a lot when I'm bored.

That being said, I did see a guy pop up recently that made me do a double-take, so I started chatting with him. His name is gonna be Ladybird for our purposes.

Let's get real, though. After this whole situation last summer, I've been really reluctant to get back into dating with any kind of enthusiasm. I already have a lot of social anxiety and all, but that absolutely set me back.

Cuddlebug and I had that date with Chex Mix last year, which, while not a disaster, was not a great experience. And then I had two dates some other time with a really cute person, and then they just kinda flaked on me. But both of those situations were more looking for someone who could hang with us as a couple - partly because I think I was still apprehensive, and partly because I feel bad when Cuddlebug doesn't get any male attention.

The problem is that I'm not only attracted to submissive bisexual guys that I could take in a fight. And ever since Space Kitten moved away, I haven't spent any time with someone physically imposing.

So this one is just for me.

Ladybird's profile started with a song lyric and invited you to finish it. I wasn't familiar, but he was cute and I needed an opener so I cheated and Googled it. The lyrics were nice and sounded like something I would be into, so I listened to it and uhhh...it's some genre of metal. I could not understand a single word they said, even though I was looking at the lyrics at the time. I guess we won't be listening to music together, then.

He's only a year younger than me, does the same kind of work that I used to do, has two really cute little dogs, and his own apartment. He doesn't have or want kids, doesn't smoke. He loves Taco Bell as much as I do, and offered to make me French toast with jam and Nutella. He also looks a bit like Adam Driver (but don't tell Cuddlebug that; it's a sore spot). He talked about looking for someone to hang out with and watch movies, eat food, fool around...all of my favorite things!

His sense of humor is kind of dry and aggressive, but he makes it a point to clarify that he's joking whenever he says something that might be taken the wrong way.

Alright well that just makes him sound like Schrodinger's Douchebag, so let's see if I can find an example...

Okay so I checked and it's mostly dirty stuff, so I'll paraphrase:

Me: "I might be interested in that, but it would take some working up to."

Ladybird: "Oh really? I expect [very intense and specific thing]."

Ladybird: "All jokes aside, I do care a lot about you and what you're feeling. Ignoring boundaries is fucked up, in my opinion."

We were doing a lot of messaging back and forth, and last weekend we even talked on the phone for a bit (which I never do, just because I hate talking on the phone so much), so we decided to do a low-key first date at an all-night pancake place after I got off work one day this past week (since I get out of work late).

Y'all, having a boyfriend makes dating new guys SO MUCH easier!

Cuddlebug picked me up from work, drove me to the restaurant, got a table for himself and ate dinner, and then sat in the car watching youtube on his phone until I was ready to go. Truly the best boyfriend. He also gave me a pocket knife.

When we got outside we even did some kissing, which was very nice! I haven't kissed a Tall Guy in a while; the dynamics of it are so weird.

The date went really well! We were both very tired - I had just gotten out of work, and it was likely past his normal bedtime, so we spent most of the time comparing notes on shitty job stuff and dealing with customers and terrible managers. He did a lot of bad accents, spoke a little Spanish at me, and didn't do anything that made me uncomfortable. It was a little awkward at times but nothing terrible. Honestly the most awkward thing was that three different servers came by our table to talk to me about how much they liked my hair. I told him "This is what it's like going out with me; you'll have to get used to it." He paid for dinner, which I wasn't counting on.

Side note: I had also started messaging a different guy around the same time, and I got them a little confused, so I showed up expecting Ladybird to be 5'9" and he is in fact 6'2". I went to put my arms around his shoulders in a Cute Girl Hug move, but it was significantly higher than I thought it would be and it made it a little weird. For me, at least (being 5'3"). He seemed fine about it.

He tastes super familiar but I couldn't place it. He had things going on this weekend, so we're planning on me going over to his house next Saturday. I'm excited!

I'll talk to you guys next weekend, or maybe sooner if I have more than 5 minutes of free time during the week.

#Spotify #polyam life #polyamory #polyamorous #poly relationship #relationships #online dating #dating

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crystalelemental · 1 year

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Legendary Gauntlet (Entei/Cobalion/Azelf)

I had to go back and check, but for anyone wondering, yes, we’re already repeating Gauntlet layouts. This is the same spread as the very first Gauntlet. Highly doubt that we won’t see other combinations, but that is weird to me. Anyway this one’s set to be pretty easy, so we’ll probably get a lame cooki-IS THAT WEATHERED WARRIOR?!

General Overview Okay so this one's important. Weathered Warrior is like the only offensive skill worth talking about over Crit Strike 2. Fortunately, they threw us an easy spread for it, too.

Entei, Azelf, and Cobalion are relatively easy to handle. I'd probably put Cobalion as the most difficult, since it's pretty much just weak to Electric. That's not entirely true, a strong enough Tech nuke can work with burn, but like...you'll see what I mean. The good news is, all three can be flinch locked, so having flinch rate is highly valuable for this run. Azelf is also particularly weak to Sleep chaining, so that's an easy allocation there as well. Is there's any real challenge we'll see, it's that all three are pretty physically offensive. Azelf's sync is physical and pretty scary. Cobalion is raw physical power, so lacking a sturdy frontline tank means you're in Big Danger. Meanwhile Entei has a lot of AoE broadly. The point is, defensive play will matter here. Not so much that it'll be impossible to clear stuff without it, but enough so that you can't sleep on it.

ENTEI Entei's fight is categorized by a single, glaring flaw: this dude has like no flinch resistance at the outset. It builds up by 1 stage of resistance every time it recovers, but early flinches get you a lot of time. This is the basis for a lot of solos against it; good self-setup and high flinch are important. However, Entei has some tools that make it nasty to fight. It has permanent screens, and boosts a stat every successful action - Defense in Bar 1, Sp Def in Bar 2, and Speed in Bar 3. It also buffs crit. Which is terrifying for sides, since Entei also throws around AoE, with a notable guaranteed burn and Piercing Gaze in Bar 3. Entei can get dangerous in the later phases, when capped crit and serious damage gets thrown around. Flinch really is the ideal solution to mitigate these issues, but it doesn't hurt to have the ability to block or remove status conditions, so options with Full Heal are particularly nice.

Mercifully, Entei is weak to Water, which means you have a metric ton of options even among F2P. Beating Entei is not all that challenging. But avoiding losing to Entei can be rough if you don't bring appropriate tools.

Team 1: Sycamore, Barry, Thorton Sycamore and Barry are an ideal combination, with Sycamore providing Barry all the buffs he needs to sync like a maniac. Thorton is chosen because, while slow, Thorton has a good flinch rate, and the low speed is offset by Sycamore easily.

Team 2: Cheren, Whitney, Siebold This is one that comes with a little risk, but is possible with Whitney's flinch rate and general utility. Siebold is basically an autonomous damage dealer, with a crazy good sync nuke. Cheren has decent enough defensive profile, and Full Heal to keep the team alive. Whitney has not just flinch, but a self-healing move, allowing her to sustain much more effectively.

Team 3: Cyrus, Winona, Drake This team is pretty safe. Winona and Cyrus can buff their own speed, offsetting the fact that Drake is slow as dirt. Drake offers Team Sharp Entry, which drastically boosts Cyrus' chance for Crit Focus 2 by just spamming Hydro Pump under Winona's rain.

Team 4: Crasher Wake, BP Morty/BP Clemont, Tech Gyarados I feel at least somewhat justified in this, given the current rerun of the Golden Magikarp event. Crasher Wake has a great flinch rate, and a decent sync nuke, with pretty easy self-setup. Tech Gyarados supplies rain, has its own good flinch rate, and Hyper Beam for DPS as needed. I will say, gauge issues are likely to exist on any of these comps, but it shouldn't be too bad with Wake. If you really, really want to aim for that flinch, Morty. If you want to debuff defenses so Wake hits harder, Clemont. Either way, the focus is buffing defenses for survival.

AZELF Azelf is scary. I remember that the first time I fought this one was in the first Gauntlet. These fights weren't permanently available, and it hadn't rerun, so I just got to be surprised by the fact it packs Mind Games 4 and Defense Crush 4, and then bumps that to Team variants in Bar 2, and has an absurdly powerful sync nuke, and also damage reduction from moves, physical in the first half of every bar, special in the second. Azelf's also particularly tricky because you deal with special attacks in the first half, but then get blasted by a physical sync. Azelf's kinda rude that way.

What Azelf doesn't block is sync damage. Sync nukes will bypass its shenanigans just fine. Sleep is also exceptionally powerful, as it does not build to immunity, allowing a good sleep chain to completely ruin it. Having a Stalwart/Unbending combo on your frontline tank is also wildly valuable, as this blocks the Team effect in later phases, preventing debuffing entirely. The only major issue is dealing enough damage, and the fact it's Bug-weak. That is not a great type to have to put up with.

Team 1: Ramos, Viola, MU Torchic Honestly, I believe in them. Viola isn't the greatest tech nuker, but with sleep chaining you don't have to be. Now that Torchic can cap special attack and crit, Viola's in business as a potential damage dealer.

Team 2: Agatha, Ghetsis, Rosa Ghetsis needs very little for his setup, and Rosa's a safe enough pick. Agatha can sleep chain, and notably gets +6 speed on her trainer move, and MGR9 on Hypnosis, which is what honestly sets her up so well for a slow pair like Ghetsis. This also approaches Azelf another way: debuffing offenses, which is pretty effective against this thing.

Team 3: Tech Exeggutor, Noland, BP Morty This team is focused on the fact that Noland can be completely self-sufficient. BP Morty offers bulk as a backup to how long Exeggutor has to serve as a sleep bot. Because Noland boosts speed on trainer move, which he needs MPR on, and Exeggutor has X Speed, gauges should be okay. Just expect a long fight.

Team 4: Tech Venusaur/Victreebel, Bugsy, Hop Bugsy is quite strong against this fight, but lacks self-setup. Hop is the ideal partner to grant attack and crit buffing simultaneously, alongside some nice defense. It's a good defensive plug in case the sleep chain breaks.

COBALION Cobalion's the toughest one of the three, I think. The main issue is that Cobalion has a whopping 80% damage reduction, on move and sync damage, without being affected by a status condition. So you think okay. Any status? Easy money. No, friend. It is not. For you see, Cobalion builds up immunity over time, by removing the status at the halfway point of each HP bar, and in later phases if it syncs, which...god that one sucks. Worse, Cobalion has some obnoxious resistance spreads. Burn is Lessen 7, and with the +2 resistance every heal, guess who is fully immune after healing twice. So the only way to handle it with Burn is having a strong enough Tech nuker to blow apart the HP bar from above half HP. Lessen Poison 9 means that trying to use one of the most common statuses just doesn't work outright, unless you're insanely good. Like, SS May tier. Sleep is short-lived and gets dangerous quickly, but it can be used. Freeze is too inconsistent to land, and wears off at random, so it can't be trusted. Leaving you with...just paralysis. I still dread the day this thing and Tornadus show up at the same time.

The good news is, Fire-types are plentiful, so there's definitely a way to handle this thing. The bad news is, this is probably the threshold-defining fight. Once you run out of good status users, it's done. To say nothing of how hard this thing hits. I'm constantly surprised by how severe some of its attacks are, between Stone Edge and Secret Sword. So again, a decent defensive frontliner is fairly essential for this fight.

Team 1: Silver, Blaine, Marley This probably feels a bit overkill, but trust me. Marley has the benefit of giving speed buffs to Silver, getting the full Inertia sync going. She can also top off attack with Flag Bearer, and burn at a 50% rate. Each of them can burn, but not consistently, so the stacking doesn't matter as much. The real threat is just that Marley can get overrun, so you need to be quick. Set Sun for early sync. Silver needs to truck this thing and fast.

Team 2: Flannery, BP Janine, Will Flannery does have enough power behind her sync to potentially clear this. Potentially. But if she misses, BP Janine has Toxic. While poison is generally bad, the goal here is simple. Burn gets two recoveries before immunity, Poison gets one. You only need to finish the last bar from the halfway point. Will is chosen for added disruption. Janine can boost evasion alongside the special that Flannery needs, and with Will's confusion and flinch rate, there's a lot of potential to just block it outright, since Cobalion doesn't become immune.

Team 3: Solgaleo, Skyla, Tech Magneton Can't handle the gimmick? Ignore it! Solgaleo don't care! Part of your solution can easily be the Piercing Blows effect that Solgaleo has on Sunsteel Strike. With its new multipliers, and perfect self-setup, the only thing is needs is some speed and defense, which Skyla provides in spades.

Team 4: BP Surge, Nanu, Brock This is an odd one, but I'll stand by it. BP Surge provides paralysis support, to check the gimmick. Unfortunately, he is made of tissue paper, so that's not great. Brock is here to patch that up with Potion. Nanu, at max crit, gets a decent flinch rate, and has Screech to debuff Cobalion's defense, backed by a particularly nice sync nuke. While this team does have some gaps, Cobalion's admittedly hard to shop for.

Final Thoughts As expected, Cobalion's hard to shop for. I think on an F2P budget, you run into this obnoxious issue of "too few Fire-types," if you can believe it. They're all 5*, and many are limited. So you just hit this annoying wall with it. Add in that you need gauges to maintain, bulk to not get run over, and ideally some flinch locking, and the fight can get challenging. The other two are pretty free. Sleep chaining ensures 4 clears on Azelf, and Entei really is much easier to handle. So if you can get 3 on Cobalion, you're safe.

#legendary gauntlet

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rrxnjun · 1 year

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tbh i love when people tell me their fav artists/music cuz i feel like i just learn a lot about them or like get to know what they are like. and also i just love it when people say/throw in something that i wouldn't expect them to say it's just so fun!!! AND YES TOTALLY AGREE WITH IR TAKE UR MUSIC SHOULD MAKE U HAPPY!!! ahh i love jack manifold he is actually one of the coolest and funniest people out there his streams are just🤌 (okay cool might be a reach but.. /j)

idk my friend says she just skips a lot of parts from episodes with the ones she doesn't like but even if i like or obsess over a show i just can't get my self to finish it (me with the owl house rn;-;) so that method (?) just doesn't help me out😭😭 yeahhh i looked up what it was actually about after i sent the ask cuz i was curious and i didn't really remember hearing about the movie and then i kinda regretted the way i phrased my question🥲but i'm glad it wasn't that bad of a movie!! IM SO HAPPY U KNOW THEM!!! TRUE R5 STAN ISTG😌😌 red velvet is just such a great song i was so obsessed with ittttt but their music just slaps in general

ooo dammnnn slovak drama:oo but i might look up a translation for the song then cuz now im curious:o (and also thank u still for telling me about this song i vibed so hard to it while writing my essays) i feel like slovak arists like them have to be outthere somewhere they might just not be that well know or something but if there actually isn't at all i hope there will be soon!!!!!

YEAH IM SO SAD ABOUT IT☹️but i think it might be better cuz i just have too much school work rn to just go on a trip☹️☹️☹️ PRETTY BUILDINGS ARE THE BEST THERE IS SO MANY OF THEM IN BUDAPEST AND I TAKE A PIC RVERYTIME I SEE A PRETTY ONE ITS THE BEST EVER ITS NOT A WEIRD OBSESSION!!!! and i really hope i will be able to visit the city another time☹️☹️☹️

it won't really be easier until like the end of june so i just hope i survive;-; but thank u though 💞💓💕 and i hope u have a nice and lovely day as well!!!🥳💖💘

(also i saw that tell me who u ship me with post and i just want to say like many other people did that u and haechan would just be very powerful🫢🫢hoping for ur baekhyun concert date with him🫡) (liebestraum anon💕💓)

EXACTLY!!! music taste says so much about a person. and wild unexpected music tastes are so fun like i have a friend that listened to exclusively heavy metal but then played lucifer by shinee on aux and i was like um....what in the- also jack manifold is so dear to me i dont watch his streams but his existence in other ppls videos is always so comedic i love him

WHY WOULD U SKIP PARTS IN EPISODES WHATS EVEN THE POINT OF WATCHING THEN??? thats the same as forcing yourself to watching something 😭😭 if i hate something i just stop bc life is too short yknow what i mean. AND ITS OK u dont have to know abt it djdjdj but i get your concern 😶

AAA if u really want the translation i can translate for u 🥳 i think i looked up the translation for a friend before and wasnt pleased w it bc it didnt really fit the energy so im just gonna do it myself to give the lyrics justice AHAHA if youre interested ofc! glad it helped w essays 😌😌 i physically cant listen to music when writing essays bc then i cant focus so i applaud you HAHA and you are right there must be artists like that here but idk them:((( im gonna try looking for some to appreciate my home country more

I WANNA GO TO BUDAPEST I WAS TALKING ABT THIS W MY FRIEND THE OTHER DAY WHEN WE WERE MAKING PLANS FOR THE SUMMER‼‼ i said i wanna take a train there and just look around and shit she didnt seem convinced but im gonna do it anyway so feel free to be my tour guide we should meet up actually

awh i hope june comes fast for u!! i am chilling rn ((even tho i have 6 essays to write until the end of april) but then i have exams may-jun so i get the stress😩😩 im rooting for u mwah!!

IM SCREAMING. CRYNG. EVERYONE SHOULD STOP TELLING ME THEY SHIP ME W HYUCK BECAUSE I SIMPLY CANNOY DEAL. me @ hyuck: baekhyun concert date when?? or we can just make out in your room and listen to the bambi album instead i dont mind either-

#💌ask #liebestraum anon

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