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calleo-bricriu · 3 years

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I just blew apart the identities of a good 30-ish people on my mom’s side of the family, and it’s a brilliant, wonderful feeling.

There is backstory here, because it doesn’t make sense without it, so grab a snack and get reading. :)

I did the thing I'd sort of half-ass promised my mom I wouldn't do back when I had medical genetic testing done so insurance would cover a few things back in 2016.

That testing was the one where the genetic counselor asked me several times if I was "absolutely sure" I had no Ashkenazi ancestry and after the third time I got a cautious response of, "It's just that you have a lot of markers only found in those populations; the chances of them all being spontaneous mutations are next to zero." then moved on going over the rest of the results.

Insurance ended up covering what it needed to cover, and I had asked my mom about it as she's been really into tracing both sides of the family trees back as far as possible and it's been possible centuries back due to very good paper trails.

She didn't know what I meant by Ashkenazi which is fair enough as most people in the US only know the word because it shows up on medical forms as a yes/no checkbox.

"Jewish. The sort that wasn't just a conversion."

That got a LOOK, and not a confused one a vaguely frightened one and asked where I got that idea.

Told her I had to do medical genetic testing earlier in the year and the genetic counselor had mentioned it and told her in what context.

Got told to "leave it".

Whatever, I'd recently had fairly major surgery anyway so wasn't really in the mood to dig or push about it.

The next year my ex bought one of those "23 and me" type tests for me because I like completely useless things like that, and that one came back with a not insignificant amount labelled Ashkenazi in the mtDNA haplogroup, which would be on my mother's side.

I asked her about it again and showed her two genetic test results, one a formal medical one, and one that had matching genetics that was, you know, not a formal medical set of genetic testing.

Got told to leave it again.

Fine.

She'd also forgotten that she'd added an account I'd made on Ancestry so I could look through the family tree and all the scanned documents (parish records, birth, death, marriage certificates, immigration paperwork, etc...) because it all went back sometimes until the 1600s.

...and I noticed most of went back that far was on my dad's side or on really remote branches of my mom's side.

On her more closely related side, the family she had that emigrated over from Germany in the late 1800s went back to the 1700s, but she's Polish as well.

And the Polish branches stopped at 1930.

They were extensively documented in 1930, with birth certificates, parish records, and immigration papers as they'd all come over to the US from Poland--right around 1930.

For the hell of it, I saved copies of all of that documentation she'd uploaded, and also figured, hey, they're running a 'join for 3 months get a silly DNA kit!' thing, I'll do a third one.

Did a third one.

Got the same results.

Also found that it was less that there was somehow a convenient lack of parish records older than 1930, and parish records don't just disappear, parish records, especially from Europe, are typically very easy to find with minimal difficulty, but I couldn't even find these NAMES earlier than 1930, including the family names.

The thing is, my definitely influenced by being on the autism spectrum special interest period of history is 1900-1945.

One thing you remember, if you do enough more than casual reading, is one of the chief ways Jewish families both got out of Europe more easily AND into the United States more easily in the 1930s was paying to have entirely new identities forged.

New names, new notable dates in terms of births, marriages, etc, and parish records proving they were either Catholic or Protestant. Usually anyone coming from Poland would have gone with Catholic as that's one of Poland's major religions.

Any previous records that would indicate they were anything but Catholic was typically destroyed out of fear of it being dug up and used to deny emigration or immigration (and remember, the United States routinely turned away refugees fleeing Europe if they were found to be Jewish).

So, I went back.

This time, instead of asking, I took the paperwork I'd saved and printed with me, handed it to her, and said, "These are forged. They weren't Catholic. These aren't their names. Does anyone still alive have the older records?"

Her response was, "I thought I told you to leave it!"

"Does anyone alive still remember?"

"...no. Leave it alone."

Turns out, she'd figured it out based on the cutoff date of the records and knowing history in general, but never said anything because, as the conversation later brought up, "It'd throw too many people's identities into chaos." and reiterated multiple times that they converted which, technically true, but it really doesn't...count if you're forced into it out of fear of ending up dead.

That's also the side of the family that, even by 2017, I didn't speak to most of them unless forced to do so because they're a lot of very rural, very right wing, very openly neo nazi jackasses.

That last part? That part is important. That last conversation about it happened in late 2017.

My mother knows me well enough to know that the first set of thoughts through my head absolutely ran along the lines of, "I'm telling these assholes at the next family reunion because they deserve to have their entire belief system and sense of identity shattered."

Also, that's the side of the family when, back around 2012 or so, one of my definitely unpleasant cousins cornered me to talk about the "shared interest" we had in what that dumb motherfucker termed "world war 2" and got his nose broken by the cousin with purple hair and multiple tattoos for saying we had a lot in common so--saying I don't get along with that side of the family is kind of an understatement.

If they're not afraid I'll also break some bone they possess for existing within punching or steel toed boot kicking range, they openly dislike me, which is fine, it's a very mutual feeling.

And there was a long talk of, "Could you not? Just ignore them, they're stupid, but they're harmless." which was mostly "it's kind of a hassle when you physically assault one of your asshole cousins at a picnic".

By that point I rarely went to those things anyway as free food didn't make up for having to listen to them say words where I could hear them so, whatever, I told her I wouldn't say anything.

Most of them hadn't spoken to me in years anyway but a few of them stayed in spotty contact on Facebook and in an often not used outside of planning reunions group that they'd invited me to join partially so it looked like they were 'making an effort' and also because the place we use for those stupid family reunions is owned by my parents (and I'm also on the deed) so I'd be one of the few people that would have a legal right to tell them all they weren't allowed to be on the property.

I accepted the invitation, just never really paid attention to it because, again, I do not like these people on any level.

Turns out, this evening, I stopped thinking they were even remotely harmless and was reminded that they still existed because they started using that group as their apparent safe space to talk about their views on current events; it’s very possible they may have forgotten I was even in the group as they added me close to 3 years ago and I’ve never posted anything.

So, I’m sitting there after work, watching these absolute shitstain excuses for people be smug about some imagined ‘win’, and I decided to remind them I still exist.

My first, last, and only post to the group: "FYI, none of your grandparents were Catholic. They were all Jewish. You're all ethnically Jewish. See you in July! :)" posted all of my genetic test results, the family trees where they were all included because, shocker, we're all related, scans of the forged records with large notations over all the forged information, and left the group.

Blocked the rest of them, and let them blow my phone up for awhile with calls I didn't pick up, texts I didn't read, and voicemails I didn't listen to--and blocked their numbers as well.

Earlier in the evening I mentioned in Discord that I was probably going to hear from my mother about it and I did (they’d long since removed my dad from the group over the MAGA hats in the firepit thing that happened last July, and my parents share a Facebook account), but it was a short and lovely text exchange of:

"What did you do?"

"I told them."

"Oh. Well, they're all assholes anyway. We should be back on Friday."

Also, nobody is going to see them in July because LAST July after they turned up after my parents told them there wasn't going to be a reunion due to Covid, about 30 of them showed up and that was the summer that I got the text from my mom asking if I was going to stop by.

"How many MAGA hats are out in the yard?"

"Hang on, I'll ask your dad."

20 minutes later:

"About a dozen."

"How many would I be able to throw in the fire pit before it'd cause an issue?"

"Hang on, I'll ask your dad."

20 minutes later, and a reminder for those who don't know, my dad is 6'8", built like a tank even in his 70s, and has a white beard down to his waist (Pointless bonus: When he was younger it was orange and his hair was a slightly darker orange than his dad’s was.). Ex-Navy Vet, took a fish bait he was grinding hooks on to the EYE a couple years ago and just sort of calmly walked upstairs to say, “I think I need you to drive me to the ER.” to my mom (whose response was to start laughing and tell him she TOLD him to put safety goggles on so they’re both a little...odd.) about it, not generally the sort of person anyone wants to even begin to fuck with despite the fact that he’s incredibly calm and even tempered:

"8 and they all left about five minutes ago."

#ooc #politics #I NPC those jackasses all the time as relatives that Calleo either generally fucks with and occasionally kills #they definitely deserve that treatment in fiction too #family #I got to shatter the general identities of at least 16 people tonight #and do not regret it #30 if you count their spouses and older children #16 if it's the actual direct cousins #long post

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sincerelyreidburke · 4 years

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Sorry, me again, i wanted to add this to the previous post but ran out of space, anyway, my last questions would be: Would Will be sad he doesn't understand technology enough to be as good as a handyman as he was during the 60s? Or would that only motivate him to learn faster and be a master of fixing again? and last (sorry for the amount of question), what kind of work does he get in 2021? was getting legal papers (ID, brth certificate, etc) and stuff hard?

Thank you for such good questions! And also, don’t be sorry! I promise, it’s always okay— I really, really, really love receiving asks🤍🤍🤍🤍

So let’s hop under the cut for this one, and I’ll address each of these in turn!! (Ask me anything about love finds you Dex in 2021!)

- I think technology is definitely a learning curve at first. I can’t even imagine the culture shock of coming from the 60s and landing in the 21st century, where everything is high-speed, there are screens everywhere, and the world is built around instant gratification which usually depends on technology. You see him freak out about a cell phone alone in the second-to-last chapter of lfy, so you can imagine that it takes a lot of adjusting when he realizes just how different technology is in Derek’s time.

- But. I think about canon Dex being a compsci major, and I feel like the way this would reflect in lfy Dex is that, like you said, his lack of knowledge about modern technology motivates him to learn about it so that he can be helpful and handy the way he always was back home. I also think that he’s a really fast learner, all things considered.

- So basically, before all that long, once he gets settled in and adjusted, he’s back to being able to fix things the way he was before. (See him rigging an aux cord connection in his super old truck so that Derek can play his music. And yes, he hangs onto that truck for as long as he can. He keeps it in ship shape, and it’s really important to him.)

- His first 2021 job is... wait for it......... at a diner. In New York City. I keep meaning to write a ficlet about this to more thoroughly introduce you all to the concept and situation, but at the end of the day, serving is what’s most familiar to him, and it also is one of the jobs that’s changed the least over the past sixty years. Living in the city, he gets really restless without a job pretty quickly, and he wants to go back to work. This little diner that reminds him of Annie’s winds up being a good place to make a small living, and to entertain himself during the days.

- In Good Haven, because they do live there part-time, I... am actually not sure yet what he does. I think he keeps up the town handyman thing, although 2021 Good Haven probably has a mechanic or something by that point. Maybe, actually, he goes and works for that business, in the summers. He could also help with landscaping or basically any kind of hands-on manual labor.

- I don’t necessarily think Will has ‘a career’ the way Derek has one. The future, career wise, looks basically the same for Derek in any of my fic: after he gets his PhD in literature or English or something else very Derek Nurse-ish, he winds up working in the publishing industry alongside being a published author. He’s probably an editor. He has an office, but his job is flexible and allows him to work from home some of the time. He’ll do speaking events, book tours, and the occasional guest lecture at a college. It’s very academic and literary, and he loves every second of it.

- So there’s that. But back to Will. I don’t really think he ever makes a career in this AU the way I imagine him making a career in compsci in the CCU. Instead, I think he just works the same kinds of jobs all his life that he was accustomed to as a young adult in the 50s and 60s. He’s definitely the kind of employee who will still be working a diner bar at the age of fifty, and all his regulars love him.

- When, eventually, they retire to Good Haven, in the way-far future of their lives together, Will works on the farm again.

- Anyway. To answer your last question as well: yes, I think getting legal papers was difficult for him, but a factor in this which I’ve only hinted at so far is: Derek’s parents. There are hints at the end of the story that heavily imply he’s going to get back in touch with them, and here’s essentially what happens: they reconcile after all their difficult history, and there’s a lot to mend and make up for, but...

- Since his parents are so well-to-do, and they see that their son is happy, and they hear his story and believe him, they wind up helping Will get legal papers.

- I also can imagine that Will gets a little legal help from the time travel magic. Here I go again with the magic thing. But this is not a very real-world realistic story in the first place, so are we surprised?

Thank you so much for all your great questions!! I welcome them all, and any more you may come up with. :D

#timewarp au #lfy spoilers #good haven will in 2021

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buri-art · 5 years

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If you don't mind me asking, how come you're able to live and work in Japan (and China?)? Where did it al begin? I'm just really curious! Thanks!

I don’t mind, thanks for asking! Turns out I’ve been doing some advising on this topic lately. (Scroll to the bottom for specific advice!)It all began with Digimon…

I’ve always had a history of moving from one obsession to another, starting back with Barney the Dinosaur. Then when I was 11-years-old I found myself very curious about that weird Japanese show on Fox Kids, which looked so different from the Western cartoons I was so fond of. What I caught of it kept me surprised–my stereotypes about it were wrong, the characters and their situations were complicated, and plot had depth? What was this and why did it make me care so much??Well, once I decided I was hooked, I was hooked. Obsessed overnight. I needed to know everything there was to know about it, including the country it came from. Guess I better learn Japanese, I thought.

That thought didn’t go away. I generally got obsessed with anime and Japanese culture, anything I could get my weeby little hands on. Wanting to know everything about Japan led to curiosity about China too, because if you’re going to stretch far back in the origins of Japanese culture, eventually you’re going to get interested in the big collection of nations and time periods known as Ancient China. (Stuff like Fushigi Yuugi and the anime rendition of Condor Hero sure helped drive that interest.)I stayed obsessed with Japan all through my teen years (and started Japanese study in earnest when I was 16) and I chose a college where I could start studying Chinese. It seemed like the natural progression in my studies by that point, but I guess other people thought it was surprising. Or they called me a traitor. (I can tell you now that lots and lots of people wind up studying both.)

Anyway, I went in to college with a pretty wide knowledge of East Asia, but studying it from all sorts of angles, getting good advising in school from nerdy professors, and studying abroad certainly made my understanding more nuanced. Going to a small school where it was easy to stick out also helped me get a good handful of work-study experiences and special attention for my particular passions. (It helps that a couple teachers were enamored with traditional Chinese culture, another loved Heian aesthetics, another wrote a dissertation about the production of shoujo manga, and another loved to give students free food. Now those are my people.)What most people find surprising was that even though I had a heavier course load in Asian studies, my major was Economics. I was concerned about finding work with only nerdy Asian studies, and I felt like I needed to save the world by working at an NGO and sacrificing my personal happiness for the sake of the poor and underprivileged. (I still feel like that, but thankfully there are more ways to support NGOs than only by working in them.) In my research topics I usually had a special focus on developing nations in Asia, and I made sure to get a good understanding of the whole region, not just, like, Edo period gay samurai fanfiction (yeah, that was totally a thing).Well, anyway, I never worked at an NGO. I went to grad school to keep working on my Chinese while keeping up independent Japanese study (including the JLPT), then I worked for the one international company in my hometown doing stuff for their Asian side of business. It was cool if you had any interest in engineering, but I didn’t. I like culture. The weeb shit, as it’s known. All according to keikaku, I became a Coordinator for International Relations on the JET Program (it’s not all English teachers!), and had the time of my life in Matsue (my love for that place is seeeeerious). That’s when I took my wide knowledge of Japan and started getting deeper knowledge, by doing anything and everything, especially practicing naginata, tea ceremony, and competitive kimono dressing. (I like to say I broke the weeb scale a long time ago.) Even among CIRs, who all speak Japanese fairly fluently, I guess I was noteworthy for my nerdy knowledge of obscure pieces of local culture, and my enthusiasm for sharing it. That’s just me being my obsessive self, folks. But yeah, lots of JET Program participants are obsessive and eager to go out and experience things. Aaaahhh, my people. After that, I felt I needed more experience in China, so I got a teaching job (which is relatively easy to do, if you’re a native English speaker). Due to my work schedule and living in Shanghai as opposed to like, Wuyishan or even Hangzhou, I didn’t devote as much as to cultural classes as I originally planned on, but I did practice tea and martial arts throughout my time there, and I continued to work on my Mandarin and gaining obscure cultural knowledge, but especially gaining experience melding with society there. Although it was more overwhelming, I do feel much more competent with my Chinese skills now, and I still love a lot of the culture and have so much more traveling I want to do there. I can still nerd out so hard for so much there.Moving back to Japan felt like a very natural course of things. I know a lot of people who have been happy to be Japan-nerds from a distance, or do the JET Program for a while and then just go back to visit, but at least for now, I don’t see myself happy with only visiting. I have personality flaws, like being very inflexible, that make me work very well in a rigid society like Japan. I’m too used to good convenience stores to live happily without them. I enjoy speaking Japanese all the time instead of taking occasional opportunities. Also, my niche skill set is kind of useless in my part of the US. I did try to find work here, really. That being said, having niche skills means that when I’m useful, I’m super useful. Job searching from outside of Japan was a lot more challenging than applying for the JET Program (which any JET applicant can tell you is not a simple process, but once you’re in, you really appreciate how much they handle for you in matters of moving abroad). It was really, really nerve-wracking to turn down two very good corporate job offers in favor of a somewhat new hotel chain. I really wanted to enter the tourism industry because this feels like the only place (outside of academia) where I can use all my obsessive studies of mainstream and obscure but especially traditional culture, and where my gushing about how much I love stuff is actually useful. Plus, it’ll make use of all three of my languages, not just one or two at a time. I hope this will work out for at least the next few years, if not forever. I also hope that if I live in the US in the future to be closer to family*, then I’ll have enough industry experience to work in hotels here or start a tour company targeted at Asian clients. (*Family is the primary reason I still consider long-term life in America, and it’s a big one, and worrying about them is the hardest part about living abroad. Excessive humidity in a lot of Asia is another reason I might choose to live in the Western US.)But like, now my hobbies are my job. While it won’t be the bulk of it, wearing kimono and performing tea ceremonies is no longer something that makes me cool and special and unexpectedly useful, it’s going to be what I need to be professionally competent in (eeeeeeep). This is the kind of stuff that obsessive teenage Buri would have swooned to know, but also totally expected. Career-Buri is a little more level-headed about it and also very grateful to have these opportunities. So anyway, advice!!—If you think you want to do anything in China or Japan, START STUDYING THE LANGUAGES NOW. Yes, I know they’re difficult. No, there’s no perfect program. Whatever you’re going to use, just do it consistently. Fluency is not actually required for a lot of jobs, but hot damn, some language skills will help. (For reference, I passed N1 of the JLPT before starting JET, and passed HSK5 while I was in grad school. I studied for HSK6 while I was in China and would have had a 50/50 chance of passing, but chose not to because it’s not actually that useful for the price I’d pay for it.)–To get a work visa in either country, 99 times out of a 100, you’re going to need a Bachelor’s degree. Your major is not usually as important as simple proof of graduation. Many places will care about your grades, though, so try to keep them up. –Teaching is still the easiest way to get there. There’s a wealth of programs to recruit you, but I suggest trying to steer clear of places that only provide a stipend instead of a salary, or small dispatch companies with questionable reputations. The JET Program is probably the best way to teach in Japan because of the level of support you get, but I’ve known people who had good experiences on the larger dispatch companies like Altia or Interac as well. For more direct hires, there are English tutoring companies (like English First (EF) or Coco Juku) where you might have students of all ages, as well as companies that focus on very small children (where you’ll basically be a glorified preschool teacher). On that note, many kindergartens and other for-profit education companies (like what I did in China) will hire directly, but your experience can vary widely. Finally, you can also look into international schools, but your teaching credentials will be much more important. Any background in teaching, or TESOL certification, will be a boon to your application (and at some places, your paycheck). –All of these places will want to see that you are a dependable, flexible person. Getting experience abroad, being able to speak frankly about challenges you’ve dealt with, and showing a willingness to go anywhere and do whatever is needed will look really good on your interviews. I say this a JET Program interviewer; the people who displayed the most patience and maturity were the people we felt best about giving a high score to. Those are the people we like to send out into the communities. –As we like to say in the JET Program, every situation is different (ESID for short). That applies to every teaching situation you might yourself in abroad.–You don’t have to be a teacher (after all, I only did JET because of the CIR position, I loved it!!). But you’re going to have to be really competent in whatever else it is you’re doing. Headhunters, such as at Pasona Global (which has branches in many Asian countries), are really, really good to work with, but they are most likely to hook you up with corporate jobs in big cities. If that’s what you want, awesome. (I wound up finding my hotel through a Japanese job searching site specifically for tourism related work. Other industry-specific fields may have their own job hunting sites, possibly in English, possibly not.) Language competency will be a lot more important if you take this route. –If at all possible, STUDY ABROAD!!! Many people will get the experience they want doing this instead of dealing with the frustrations of working and residing abroad. It’s a good way to see how much you love it and decide if the frustrations are worth it. Plus, it really helps your job applications. ��Even if you can’t work abroad due to your personal situation, PLEASE TRY TO TRAVEL THERE!!!! When you’re interested in another culture or a foreign language, it means so, sooooo much to be there, even if it’s temporary. I don’t just say this as someone who has chosen tourism as my calling (though I am more than happy to give travel advice), I say this as a passionate nerd. I feel you. I get you. You need this. –Back to studies and stuff though, if you’re going to major in some form of area studies or foreign language, it is difficult to get jobs with that alone. Consider double-majoring in something that will play into that, or which will open other career options. Money is kind of important, especially if you’re going to have to pay for flights across the Pacific.

–That being said, study what you care about too. You know how oddly useful my elective class about Non-Western Theater has been!?!? And if something in anime catches your attention, for goodness sake, you’re on THE INTERNET. If you liked Jubei-chan, go study samurai, if you like Fruits Basket, go learn to make onigiri, if you like Mob Psycho 100, then go—well—um—go work out, being physically healthy is also important!!

Well, anyway, that’s long enough. Good luck to all you nerds out there!! KEN TANAKA LOVES YOU and all that good stuff!!

#wow this got long #tl:dr #I'm a nerd and that might help you too

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helpingmehelpmyself · 3 years

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Things I Used to Enjoy- March 29, 2021

Gosh, I have so many things going through my head. I miss the days I was able to daydream, read fanfiction, and watch television. I remember the day would go by and I would question where the time went. But it felt like self care to me then and I enjoyed it. Now it feels like a useless distraction that no longer serves its purpose.

I want to enjoy the things I used to enjoy. I love fanfiction (particularly, Teen Wolf sterek fanfiction. I can also ship steter, starrish, and stackson. I believe they can all compliment Stiles well). I would squeel while reading and get excited every time I found a new fanfiction that fits my criteria. Sometimes I have good days in which I can read fanfiction and fall into the story.

I used to love daydreaming. My imagination is basically a fanfiction with ten or so fandoms running around with some cannon and non-cannon storylines. I liked falling asleep to my daydreams or staring at the wall while I daydreamed. I considered writing my daydreams down and turning them into a fanfiction for Ao3, but part of it feels personal. This is a world I have written and rewritten so many times since I was... 16, maybe? It’s easier to rewrite or follow through a storyline in my head than it is to write it down and focus on details that I never really focused on before. If your curious, my daydream fanfictions include the following fandoms: Teen Wolf, Scandal, Glee, Twilight, The Gentlemen, and Crazy Rich Asians. Occasionally, Beyonce’s Homecoming special and other things will make an appearance. I include most characters from these programs and create some OC’s in my head that have nothing to do with the other fandoms. Sometimes I’ll pluck someone from another place, like Carrie from Sex & The City but combine her with Isabel from Glee and mix up her storyline, or create a character with the appearance of a famous actor, like the original Mr. Fantastic actor.

I loved music. I could listen to music all day and enjoy myself. Sometimes it was the soundtrack to my imagination or I’d have some of my characters sing the songs I was listening to. I would listen to the same songs on repeat and create scenes with them and sometimes I’ll be able to add new music to the mix. If I wanted to listen to an album, I’d sit/lay down in my room and focus on nothing but the album. If there was an artist I liked and wanted to explore more of, I would go through their entire Spotify history and listen to every song at least once. I’d add it to my Liked Songs playlist because I am crap at creating playlists (minus the Boudoir playlist I made last year for my photoshoot, but that’s another story). Almost every song I have ever liked is on my Liked Songs. I think I have over a thousand songs on there, which is pretty decent. I kind of know where every song is located when it’s organized by Recently Added. Minus screamo, heavy metal, gangsta rap, underground music or electronic music, I listened to a little of everything. I loved Glee, Hamilton, Meg the Stalion, Kendrick Lamarr, the Civil Wars, early Taylor Swift, American Authors, Secondhand Serenade, G-Eazy, Mulatto, Into the Heights, Moana, Victorious, I could go on. Every song plays a part of my history and I love expanding it.

I can’t really do those things the same anymore and I wish I could. Writing fanfiction sounds like it could be a possibility for me because most of my life, I wanted to be a writer or be an editor. The fear of financial security made me switch to a business major and it didn’t make things any easier I find. I guess more approving nods from other adults about my choice in degree was a plus.

I can’t focus on my own daydreams anymore. It used to give me so much joy but it also reflected my emotions: horny, sad, in love, etc. The fact that I was able to create worlds that don’t exist to anyone but me made me happy. Sometimes when I wanted to be closer to God, I’d even deepen the relationship of some of my characters with God.

Music doesn’t sound the same anymore. I can’t focus to the point of slipping into happiness often.

I did have a good day the day before yesterday. I decided that maybe listening to the song that always lifted my spirits in the past, whether they needed lifting or not, would help. My song is “Do You Believe in Magic” by Aly & AJ. I don’t know what it is about that song but when I first heard it on Disney Channel when I was little for the movie, Now You See It. Something about that song was and still is special. I was able to sing horribly to the song. I was watching Freaky Friday that day and remembered how much Ultimate by Lindsey Lohan rocked. I was able to listen to that song and daydream a totally new scenario for my mental fanfiction characters. There was so much happiness and positivity in the scene.

That same day, when night fell, I felt so sad I made myself sick and was gagging in the toilet. I convinced myself not to make myself throw up because I don’t want that to become a habit. I don’t want to mentally make myself sick and think that throwing up every time will fix me. I felt like shit for hours later, but I was glad that I didn’t throw up. I knew I was in a bad enough position that I needed company. 2/3 of my best friends and one of their boyfriends showed up at my place, late at night and stayed with me for hours. We’d talk about the issues that were plaguing my mind and about 2 of them moving into a new apartment together.

I went back and forth from lying in the bathroom and lying in my bed. I don’t know why but whenever I was sick growing up, laying on the bathroom floor made me feel better. I know it is unsanitary and gross, but you get to a point that you don’t care. The bathroom has always felt safe for me. I still remember the first time I did it. My mom, brother, and I lived in an apartment about 20-30 minutes away from where we live now. I was getting ready for school one day and I guess I didn’t feel good. I laid down on the bathroom floor and that’s how my mom found me. She knew that this little 5 or 6 year old that never complained about school wasn’t faking anything. I think after that point, my mom became pretty trusting of me whenever I said I can’t go to school. Whether I was physically sick or needed a mental health day, she let it happen. I didn’t practice this often until I was junior high and high school, but it helped knowing my mom would let me take care of myself however I saw fit. I think she also didn’t want to have to keep taking off of work to pick me up from school.

The issues that brought me to tears were my boyfriend, the love of my life. I have only dated one boy before him. That was back in high school and I liked that I had a boyfriend more than I actually liked my boyfriend. We had been friends for years and were in speech and debate together. I asked him to my prom and, due to a misunderstanding, he never replied. When we realized the misunderstanding, he asked me to his prom (We went to two different schools) which was fun. It was at a country club, his parents had dinner catered to their house for us (very successful accountants) and we got some cute pictures from that night. I found myself bored with the relationship and knew ending it wouldn’t affect my quality of life within that moment. So I did. Now he is happily out as gay with his partner of 3 years and starting Harvard Law in the fall. I kind of like that fact and it made it easier to be friends with him on Facebook and Instagram again.

But back to my current boyfriend, the boy I didn’t think that I would fall for. To make our love story short (I’ll probably go into more in another post), we met on Tinder 2.5 years ago when the guy I was talking to/dating previously decided to go back to his toxic/abusive ex-girlfriend. I was talking to my soon-to-be boyfriend and another guy at the time and my boyfriend was the one that lasted. I remember that I would message every Tinder match with “Aye” because everyone wants the other person to start the conversation or else there won’t be a conversation. He responded with “I love your smile. It’s so positive” and that was my downward spiral. We’re pretty good at communication and we are a good match for each other. We both come from mostly different backgrounds, racially and socially. Sometimes there are things about me he’ll never understand, but making strong friends with people who weren’t racially the same as me kind of prepared me for that.

Anyways, he wants to be a doctor of osteopathic medicine (still don’t know what that is) and go to med school for it a year after our undergrad. I don’t plan on starting grad school right now because I am not fully sure what I want to do with my career just yet. I’m not going to put myself in more debt or spend more time in school without a reason. Anyways, not many medical schools in our state offer the certification he’d need so he’s even looking at schools out of state. I have always wanted to go with him and support him through it while I start my career, but as that time draws closer, I find myself unsure of myself.

I need a lot of attention and am very sociable. I know when he goes to med school, he won’t be able to give me as much attention and he can’t really be faulted for that. It probably won’t get any easier once he does his residency and beyond. Despite being sociable, I have created a support network of my family and friends (we’ve been together for like 10 years). It’s to a point that I can socialize with other people with the idea that they are going to be acquaintances or somewhat distant friends. I usually know what kind of friend I want people to be before or during meeting them. But my dependency on my support network is so... strong that it kind of messed up a very big job opportunity for me a few years ago. I am afraid of having to make new connections again once we move away. Regardless if he choses a school in our state or not, we’d have to move. I don’t want him to be my only social connection, but am also afraid of making new ones.

I made a list of all the things that scared me with possible solutions in which moving away with him was on it. I wrote that I would try to connect with coworkers (I can’t imagine and kind of don’t want to be best friends with a coworker. You never know when play ends and work begins) and neighbors. I don’t even talk to my neighbors now. I thought I could bake my famous browned butter salted chocolate chip cookies and share them with people, hoping that it would be the start of something. I’ve picked up random conversations with random people before so hopefully I can still do that (I stopped the whole “don’t talk to strangers” thing when I was like 19).

These solutions made sense to me and I hoped that by writing it down, I could move on with my life. That wasn’t the case. I became so focused on would by current boyfriend be able to meet my needs in the future and whether I’d be strong enough to let him go if it was impossible. I found myself loving him more than I loved myself and make decisions on bettering myself for him. Covid Vaccine? For him. Finding a good job? For him. I don’t want to love someone else more than I love myself. I don’t want these decisions to be based on another person. I want to chose what is right for me for me and not someone else.

I wasn’t this way before my boyfriend. I actually avoided being in a relationship for a few years because I didn’t think I’d enter one for the right reason. Usually, I put myself and my happiness first. When I decided I was ready to care for another person, my boyfriend wasn’t the first guy I chose. I didn’t know he’d become the love of my life. I didn’t know that we’d want the same exact thing from our relationship and have active, open communication about or wants and needs from the other person. I craved his attention, always wanted to be around him, and didn’t even stop talking about him our first year together. I am better now, but he still finds way into my conversations because he’s what makes me happy.

I’m not upset that I love him. I wouldn’t take that back. I just wish that I was enough for myself again in which I could make decisions for me and stand by them. I want to create the life I want and I want him a part of it. But if that’s not God’s Plan, can I let go of him? In all honesty, I’d rather be miserable with him with occasional happiness than miserable without him. Maybe that’s too strong of a statement so don’t take that at full face value.

I want to be able to figure this out while we are still together, but mentally I keep thinking I have a time frame to “fix myself”. At the same time, I know I don’t because I know mental health doesn’t work that way. I have the ability to take the time I need to take care of myself again which I am grateful for. It’s like having an adult and child in my mind. The child is crying all of my fears and anxieties while the adult is trying to calm them down with reasoning. I am thankful that I am at least this aware of my mental state. I can understand when something is anxiety or depression, name it, and although I am stuck with it, I try not to fall too deep in it.

I still have hope things will get better and I won’t always feel this way. Hope and faith is all I have some days and that’s okay. I am one day closer to being the me I want to be.

#helping me help myself #mental health #anxiety #depression #blog #fanfiction #music #support

0 notes

rahnesinclair · 7 years

Note

I've always had a Zoë prompt but no one to write it and English isn't my first language. So: have you ever read the book Everything Leads To You, in one scene the lesbian main character who is kicked out breaks into her own house to pick up some stuff (in the story her birthcentificate) but out of anger for her mom she starts causing damage on purpose searching for it… that part always reminds me of Zoë in the book so a Zoë story baised on that scene please

I’ve never read that book but I can SO do Zoë being angry and causing damage in her house!

(also apologies, I’m not Canadian so I’m not super familiar with Canadian documentation!)

Consuela Rivas, in her infinite generosity, had sent Zoë a package with her birth certificate and other necessary documents as a graduation “gift”, but she’d forgotten one crucial thing: Zoë’s SIN card.

Zoë had had a Social Insurance Number forever, she’d needed it for her work on television, but she’d obviously not taken care of it herself when she was just a toddler. Her mom had it somewhere in the Rivas files. Grace had suggested Zoë apply for a new one but the time and money involved in that seemed a complete waste when there was a copy somewhere in the Rivas house. Until she got it, Zoë couldn’t get a job, something she desperately needed to help her pay for university.

Consuela Rivas had also kept the vast majority of the small fortune Zoë had earned as a child star, sending her a two thousand dollar check in her graduation package along with her birth certificate and See You Never letter.

Zoë wanted that card. She knew where the spare key was, and she was going to get it herself.

Grace thought it was a terrible idea, but had gone with Zoë anyway. When Zoë had told her she didn’t have to, Grace had rolled her eyes. “Someone has to go with you to keep you out of trouble. That someone is usually me.”

Zoë knew her mom’s schedule to a tee, something she’d memorized to help avoid her as much as possible, so she knew when Consuela wouldn’t be home. She wasn’t feeling paranoid as she entered the house. Grace was, eying the place warily as she lugged her oxygen tank behind her. “Where do we start?”

“The office,” Zoë said, leading the way. “She’s not organized, but she’s at least consistent in where she puts things.”

The office was, indeed, a mess, but clearly Phillip had tried to do some damage control at some point. Zoë had the sneaking suspicion that it had been Phillip’s idea to actually give Zoë her shit. She could easily see her mom deciding a letter was enough, a last dramatic flourish in a relationship that had always been for show.

“I’ll get the cabinets. You can do the desk,” Zoë said. Grace stuck out her tongue. The desk was a lot less to sort through but it was also the major disaster zone. Zoë winked, but the teasing felt stilted, like an act the two of them were putting on to try to drown out the fact that Zoë was in her house stealing her own documentation back from her mom.

They got to work, silent at first, with a few jokes here and there, mostly from Grace. Then Grace moved her oxygen tank to get to another drawer and accidentally knocked over a pile of paper. “Shit, sorry Zo,” Grace said, tugging her oxygen tank closer to her.

Zoë watched the paper settle on the ground. “No, it’s fine… why are you apologizing?” Somehow knocking over the paper seemed appropriate, needed even. Zoë reached into the cabinet she’d been searching, pulled out a file and, after a second of consideration, tossed it into the air. Papers flew through the air.

“Whoa, what was that?” Grace asked, surprised.

Zoë laughed, her eyes lighting up feverishly. She looked at Grace, grinning. “I think this place could use a little decoration.”

Grace quirked an eyebrow, looking uncertain, but at the look on Zoë’s face she smiled slightly and pushed a stapler off the desk.

Zoë started tearing through the cabinet, hardly looking, laughing all the while. Soon the office was carpeted with paper and office supplies. The girls laughed, reveling in the chaos.

Zoë moved to throw another file in the air and stopped. It had her name on it. Slowly, Zoë opened it. Contracts for shows, pay stubs, bills. Her SIN card, tucked between the pages. Pictures of her, young and bright, headshots and stills of her in shots. A small history of Zoë Rivas, child star.

Zoë’s grip tightened on the file and it was suddenly blurry in her vision. This was the Zoë that her mom had wanted. That her mom had pretended to love.

She began tearing up the pages, the pictures, her mirth at being able to get back at her mom fading into anger, frustration and pain. “She threw me out like garbage. Like I was nothing to her, ever!” A picture of her first season on West Drive shredded in her hands. “She never wanted me, she told me so all the time, but I pretended not to know that she didn’t love me. Tricked myself into thinking I could be what she wanted. But I never could because there was never a single moment when she loved me.” Tears poured down Zoë’s face and she threw the file at the wall, hard, and started to kick the papers on the floor. “I was NEVER ENOUGH!”

Zoë’s rampage went on for a few minutes, tearing apart the entire office, and when she finally pushed the computer off the desk and it shattered on the floor she paused, breathing hard.

Arms wrapped around her, hard and unyielding. For a second Zoë was afraid that somehow she’d been caught, and she struggled before she realized it was Grace. Grace, who’d let her do the damage and was now holding her tight. Zoë turned to Grace, searching for anything that she could say to prove Zoë wrong.

Grace hugged Zoë tight and said, “Fuck her, dude.”

Zoë blinked, and then let out a surprised laugh. “Fuck her?”

“Yeah.”

Zoë laughed again. She buried her face against Grace’s collar bone and hugged her back. “Found the card.”

“Oh, good. I was worried we’d have to start looking through the stuff on the floor.”

Zoë giggled and shook her head.

“Let’s get out of here, Zo. Place is a dump.”

Zoë grabbed Grace’s oxygen tank and Grace grabbed Zoë’s hand. “Time to go home.”

#zoë rivas #grace cardinal #my writing #degrassi #judcute

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sizzlingcrusadebouquetfan-blog · 6 years

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"coles house and contents insurance quotes

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Hi, my son is turning 16 and our friend has a camero that his is going to give him a good deal on and I know because its a sports type of car insurance is going to be expensive and he is young...... does anyone have a quote or in the business and has a ballpark number? Thanks""

Cheap health insurance that will cover dental?

I need some help. I can no longer work at one of my jobs and my new job wont provide insurance since it is part-time I need help and scared that i cant afford anything. i already cant afford student loans. is there any cheap insurance packages i can get in ct?

1996 Chevy Z26 Beretta Insurance???

How much would a 1996 Chevy Z26 Beretta cost? Would it be really high because its a sports car? I have a great deal on a GREAT looking car and just wondered if i could afford the insurance..... Im almost 18 and a boy if that helps you answer....

I need help getting coverage for an infected wisdom tooth. Does anyone know of an affordable dental insurance?

I have a wisdom tooth that is close to a facial nerve so I have to have a specialist pull it. Does anyone know of a dentist insurance plan that is affordable that doesn't have a wait list and that covers oral surgery? Or does anyone know of a dental office that will take payments? I have called around everywhere and seem to keep hitting dead ends

Need help insurance gurus?

What is the best route to getting insurance for weight loss procedures? I haven't had insurance in 3 years

How much auto coverage should I have in Wisconsin?

I own a 2008 Scion tc, and a 1990 Honda Accord LX. The Scion still has a lien against the title, and I have full coverage for this reason. I use my Honda as a primary car to drive to and from work with liability coverage only. What I have for coverage now is: Bodily Injury: 500,000/person 1,000,000/accident Property damage: 500,000/accident Underinsured and uninsured: 500,000/person 1,000,000/accident Medical Payments: 10,000 Comprehensive & Collision: 500 deductible Is this too much? My agent said something about a new law in Wisconsin making it stack for each car, so technically, I have double that coverage, and my premiums just went up. I'm looking for a way to get some cheaper premiums without exposing myself to too much risk. How much insurance do I really need?""

How much does a broken wrist cost after insurance?

I have a paper from school and in it I must in include all details of a situation. My story line includes a child breaking their wrist. I was wonder what someone would have to pay after insurance? If you could help me be detailed as much as possible like how much would it be for like x rays, doctor visits, medicine, etc. I've never broken anything so Im a bit lost. Even just a average estimate would be appreciated.""

""What could be small, lasts forever, has expensive insurance, and there are 12 or 13 to choose from?""

What could be small, lasts forever, has expensive insurance, and there are 12 or 13 to choose from?""

How much would it cost to insure a 1973 C3 Chevrolet Stingray Corvette?

I am doing a class project and just need to know an average cost of insurance for a Stingray Corvette.

Accident in a WalMart parking lot and the other party's insurance denied my claim... any advice?

Hi everyone, I would appreciate your ideas regarding the following situation: My son had a car accident last week in a nearby WalMart parking lot (Dallas, Paulding County, GA). He was driving down a parking lane and hit a car which came out of nowhere cutting across the aisle. Both vehicles had extensive damage (front of the vehicle on our car, and driver side on the other car). There was a gentleman who saw everything and called 911. The sheriff's deputy arrived at the scene promptly. He explained there would be an accident report, but since this happened in a private parking lot, he was not in a position to state who was at fault. I got the report the other day and it states the facts about the accident and gives the contact information for the witness. I have spoken with the other driver's insurance company three times and I just found out that their claims rep has determined that my son was at fault, so they have denied my claim. The claim with them was actually originally filed by the other driver. I politely asked to speak with a supervisor and was advised that I should expect to receive a call from a supervisor soon. I did not get a chance to talk to my insurance rep after I found out the other insurance denied the claim, but I am not sure if there is anything my insurance can do for us, especially given the fact that we only have liablity coverage on this vehicle (no collision coverage either). I think it is really outrageous how they could claim my son was at fault, if all evidence points to the fact that their insured was driving across the parking lanes and obviously did not see our car. I cannot find anything online (like traffic regulations) that explicitly says that the driver cutting across the parking lanes is at fault if there is a collision, but I think it is common sense that this should be the responsible party! If anyone has had a similar experience, or has any suggestions, your help will be very much appreciated!""

""Car accident, Driver has NO insurance.?""

A girl hit my car on Easter. She lied and told me she had insurance only for me to find out she doesn't. I am so pissed because I do not want to pay my 500 deductible on an accident she was faulted, cited and ticketed for. However, she's only 17 so id feel bad to sue.. It's not her parents fault. What do I do?!""

Advice about car insurance in Ohio..paying way too much?

I reside in OH. I have insurance through progressive, my payments are about $230/month. I do finance my vehicle so it's necessary to have full coverage, I do have GAP insurance through my car dealership. OK. I have a ticket and 2 at fault accidents on my record (one really wasn't my fault) both under $500 claims... ANYWAYS, I know people who have DUI's that have lower car insurance than I do and I am a good driver, ugh. Is there any sugesstions on ways to lower my car insurance? I know eventually they will drop off but the last accident is on until April 2012 the other will drop August 2011 and the ticket will be gone October of this year. I am paying a mortgage, condo fees, a car payment that I just aquired January, this new insurance payment which is like an additional car payment (it was $100 before getting full coverage), and the obvious other bills. I am so strapped for cash, is there any ways to lower this fast or any good companies in OH that can give me lower price?""

Car insurance for a new driver.?

How much money would car insurance be for a 16-year old teenage boy? My birthday falls weird so i get my lisence when im sophmore.

I am trying to find the type of car with the cheapest car insurance for my age and details?

Where online can i find details on lots of cars as gocompare.com etc... need you provide details on a certain car

coles house and contents insurance quotes

Insurance when renting a car? Waste of $$?

I'm 22 yrs old, renting a car from enterprise in 5 wks. On a budget and trying to cut costs, was wondering if the insurance they offer is really necessary, or just a waste of money. I currently have progressive insurance on my vehicle. Can I add this rental to my insurance for a cheaper rate? Or is insurance even an absolute MUST. Realistically, how often is it actually used? Any answers would help! 10 pts""

Cheap sporty looking car?

Ive been looking into cars recently and i would like a nice sporty looking car. But i am only 18 and insurance will be crazy for me if i buy a car labeled as a sports car . I need help with finding a cheap sporty looking car but not labeled as a sports car. Any suggestions?

""'96 Saturn Sedan SLI 4 door, Totaled, accident insurance offered $2700. buy back $530. fair?""

'96 Saturn Sedan SLI 4 door, Totaled, accident insurance offered $2700. buy back $530. fair?""

My 13 Year old Son got an insurance quote in the mail for my car?

How could they have gotten his name on a quote for insurance on my car? Thanks!

What happens if you just don't pay your car insurance?

Where I live you get car insured and they put a sticker on the plates with expiry date a year from now. But you still only pay once a month. What happens if you simply stop paying ...show more

Geico vs. Progressive?

I currently have Progressive and am very happy with their service and the rates had been pretty reasonable, however they went up considerably because my husband hit a deer. I was thinking about getting a quote from Geico to see if I could get a better rate. Anyone have experience with Geico? Are they as good as Progressive?""

Health insurance in south carolina?

My husband and I need Medical insurance. I live in SC. Can anyone out there tell me of some companys to contact besides BCBS.

Do you have to show proof of insurance to register a car in utah? ?

I just bought a used 2004 car in utah. I got a temporary tag using my bill of sale and title. A paper they gave me said all I need is my safety and emissions to register fully. But my parents are insisting I need proof of insurance to register. I plan on getting insurance within the next week. I just want to get my plates on by tomorrow if I could. Please someone help.

Health insurance overlap! Two health insurance companies - is this ok?

Is it legal to have medical insurance with two separate health insurance companies during the transition between the two? And if one denies a claim, can you still file with the other?""

Can the Insurance company charge me 20% of repair?

I'm in California, I have full coverage, my insurance company is telling me they can charge me 20% in addition to the deductible if I don't use one of their shops, can they do that?""

Are insurance premiums negotiable?

My home insurance rate goes up every year but this year it was $400 bec they said they redistribute my home and lumped it with a neighboring more expensive one. I called their main office spoke with the lady who answered the phone who wouldn't budge a dollar!! She gladly emailed a document to sign to terminate my policy. It really pist me off. Would it make a difference to call and ask to speak to the agent?

Do you need motorcycle insurance in Georgia?

do you need motorcycle insurance in Georgia

What company offers the cheapest motorcycle insurance in Toronto?

I Want to buy a motorcycle around $ 5000 and wondering how much would be the insurance for the following motorcycles 2006-2009 Honda CBR RR 600 2006-2009 Honda CBR 125 How can I be able to get discount on my premium. I have a full M licence with no accidents for like 2 years. I live on Dufferin st close to bloor and I am 25 years old male Serious replies only please because having a car is too expensive for me.

How do i go about getting sr-22 insurance?

i live in new mexico, and i'm sure it varies a little form state to state, but can you tell me the process you went through and possibly what kind of increase in insurance rates im looking at?""

What is the typical cost of maintenance for a Mercedes C240 per year including insurance for a young driver?

As the question states. :) Thank you so much for your help!

Do anybody know of any cheap health insurance?

I haven't had any insurance since 2007.

How much do footballers pay for car insurance?

just wondered cos Wayne Rooney Keeps spinning and having prangs, given his age, and the value of cars involved how much does he have to pay in premiums? I'm in no doubt he can afford it, but just wondered how much premiums would be.""

Can I pay a AAA Auto Insurance bill online?

I'm in California but I don't know if that makes any diffrence.

Which insurance company is best for two wheeler insurance?

I want to know about car insurances?

What car insurance are good out there for full coverage

How do you get long-term heath care insurance in Georgia? And how you pick the best one for you?

My grandma might need to go into an assisted living home soon? My family are thinking about a Sunrise Community and they take long term health care insurance? How do you obtain and pick the right type and does Medicare cover it? thanks

""SHORT ,IMPORTANT ,INSURANCE QUESTION ?!?!?""

I was driving my moms car, and i was at a stop sign, and a guy made a very narrow turn and then when he saw me he stopped, after he started going, he then made the turn , but ended up hitting the back left side of my bumper, nothing major, only some scratches on the paint, i got out with my mom and we exchanged information, but he said that he will not pay a cent for it, and he is ready to call the cops and file a report, i thought about it considering that i only have a permit and the car is under my moms insurance, and i just let it go as i may he may have made an excuse cause i am 16 and i am still training with my parent next to me. if i called the insurance company to get it fixed, will i be blamed and will i get the insurance rate to increase or he would have been the one to blame? thanks and please tell me true answer!""

Affordable Care Act - Will I have to buy insurance?

I'm young and just starting out. I'm only going to make like 12-15K per year... Will I have to purchase insurance or pay the tax penalty?

Which is the best childrens' insurance plans?

Please detail about both unit linked & regular insurance plans.

How much would a 1.1 litre car cost me a month?

Im 18 and starting my driving lessons, im also a stay at home mum. Cant afford a nice car so a 1.1 litre car is only in my range. Id like to know roughly how much my insurance would be a month? Thank you""

coles house and contents insurance quotes

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/belgium-wisconsin-cheap-car-insurance-quotes-zip-53004-larry-spears/"

0 notes

funnythingshere0-blog · 6 years

Text

Rebel Wilson on winning battles, producing films and dating in Hollywood

New Post has been published on https://funnythingshere.xyz/rebel-wilson-on-winning-battles-producing-films-and-dating-in-hollywood/

Rebel Wilson on winning battles, producing films and dating in Hollywood

Rebel Wilson is the definition of a modern woman: switched-on, unafraid and empowered by her education and self-worth. She is also comedy dynamite. Here, read the interview from her first-ever Vogue cover.

“A rebel is a person who stands up for their own personal opinions despite what anyone else says. A true rebel stands up for what they believe is right, not against what’s right … It’s all about being an individual and refusing to follow a crowd that forces you to think the same way they do even if it means becoming an outcast to society. True rebels know who they are and do not compromise their individuality or personal opinion for anyone. They’re straightforward and honest and they will sure as hell tell it like it is.”

So reads the Urban Dictionary’s definition of ‘rebel’, one that kind of nails Rebel Wilson.

We are having lunch together at the Park Hyatt Sydney, two days after she has been at Melbourne’s Court of Appeal to hear Bauer Media’s appeal against the ruling of Supreme Court judge Justice John Dixon, who awarded her a record sum of $4.5 million in damages against Bauer for defamation. Whatever is decided (at the time of writing, the next court date had not yet been set), the victory is already hers – the decision is unchallenged: she has won the biggest ever defamation case in Australian history.

“With over 40 of the questions that went to the jury, we won on every single question, which is a comprehensive victory,” Wilson says. When the amount is eventually settled she will be able to name which children’s and hospital charities and non-profit organisations will benefit from the damages. There is a possibility, however, that the case may go to the High Court after the appeal. “I guess because Bauer Media is a company the strategy has been bullying throughout,” Wilson says, adding: “I took on a huge media organisation owned by German billionaires who are extremely aggressive and try to bully and intimidate anyone who legally challenges them. I had a great case and Bauer’s conduct was so disgusting. There was so much more evidence that we couldn’t even put in the trial, as the trial was already so long. The company has behaved disgracefully and so I thought I had to take them to task. I did, and won on every single issue. I guess in that way I can put it behind me, and at least anybody who did believe the articles knows now that it was all made up and that Bauer knew it was false and printed it anyway.”

It has been a stressful period for Wilson: the lies, the loss of her livelihood for the past few years, and having to endure 19 sitting court days. Her law degree helped, but for anyone it would be exhausting. Yet she will not be worn down, even though she doesn’t feel like it’s over.

She has been keeping busy lately, with five movies in development, some of which she will co-star in, and with writing scripts. And through it all she still manages to stay upbeat for almost everyone – the fans, the autographs, the selfies … she is the funny lady, after all – Fat Amy, so very ‘pitch perfect’. And, of course, she could break into song at any moment, but she won’t because that is what she does for a job, not what she does in real life.

In person, Wilson is focused and thoughtful. “I was unique and I was ambitious at acting school,” she says, referring to the Australian Theatre for Young People (ATYP), which she attended at the same time as she studied for her arts/law degree at the University of New South Wales.

And nothing has changed.

Over lunch we drink water and order barramundi, chicken, steamed vegetables and chicken-salt fries with paprika. Wilson talks more than she eats and her food is left cold. She has the best smile and great skin (she uses Dermalogica and loves SK-II).

“Why do I have to be so brilliant at every single thing I do?” – Fat Amy, Pitch Perfect 3.

She says she is proud to be on the cover of Vogue Australia for the first time and, of course, worked it on the day we photographed her in an LA studio. The trick to modelling, she says with a sly smile, is imagining you are a Victoria’s Secret model. “Be that woman and own it.” And she did. (Watch her hilarious video on the set of our shoot at Vogue.com.au.)

She is an inspiration for standing up for what you believe in, is all ‘girl power’ and believes in human rights and women’s rights. She has sponsored many children at the School of St Jude’s in Tanzania and her first sponsored student recently graduated. “She got a scholarship,” Wilson says proudly, although she was ready to pay for her tuition.

The actress loved school and still has a strong group of friends from Tara Anglican School for Girls in western Sydney, with whom she celebrated a 20-year reunion in LA last year. As a student she was very academic, achieving 99.3 in her Higher School Certificate. She was also good at maths. Jokes, she says, are about maths and patterns. “So, like red, red, black – three is the quickest way to get a joke – you learn that at comedy school,” she explains. “You set up an expectation and subvert it; it’s a good way to get a laugh. It’s mathematical, that’s why that’s funny.”

Her next comedy, The Hustle, is about two con women, loosely based on the 1988 film Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, starring Wilson in the role played by Steve Martin, and Anne Hathaway in Michael Caine’s former role. “This is not just a remake of a remake of an original – that was with Marlon Brando, and was a book,” Wilson clarifies.

On set, the two stars spent a lot of time laughing and singing. “Annie was in an acapella group in college and so for some reason we obviously got talking about that. She is very pro-female comedy.”

The Hustle is co-produced by Wilson’s production company Camp Sugar, and will be followed by its second offering, Isn’t It Romantic, a romantic comedy starring Priyanka Chopra and Liam Hemsworth, set to open on Valentine’s Day, 2019.

Producing suits Wilson. “It’s the first time my name will come up with ‘produced by’, which is very cool,” she says proudly of The Hustle. Camp Sugar gives Wilson the freedom to develop her own scripts with her team before selling them to the studios. “They supply the money to make the film, as commercial comedies cost on average US$35 million to make,” she explains. “They take over a lot of the responsibilities and I get to see it through creatively. I like to say I’m the guardian of the comedy – I have very strong views about the jokes in the film.”

At the end of shooting, Wilson anonymously attends the test screenings to gauge audience feedback: “I wear a little wig and sit at the back and people don’t know I’m there taking notes and listening to what people are saying. Then I make changes.”

As a result, an extra musical number is being added to the closing scene of Isn’t it Romantic because the already existing musical number was the highest-testing scene: “So we’re like: ‘Let’s give them more – a fun thing at the end.’”

When it comes to the writing, Wilson prefers a quiet location with a view. “When you’re writing, it’s very imaginative and internal,” she explains. Before we met, she had been looking out to the Opera House from her hotel room, brainstorming ideas for her next collection for Rebel Wilson X Angels, her plus-size clothing label. Designs are based on the body-con styles Wilson herself loves to wear and what her team imagines and refers to as ‘This Is Rebel’s Friend’ would like to wear. Sneakers, flats and tiny kitten heels are also set to join the range.

She has also been writing “a little bit” for the Billboard Awards, which she is invited to, to present an award this month. “Unscripted, drugs, chaos …” she says of the backstage craziness of music events. “It’s the day after the royal wedding, so not many people will have done jokes from the actual event, so I’ll do something related to that,” she says. I ask if she is on a Meghan Markle trajectory: “Well, I can’t marry a royal; they are all taken now,” she quips.

Asked about romance, the comedian reveals she doesn’t have a boyfriend. “I am totally single. I think I’m looking for the right person, but there isn’t a good pool of people to date in LA.” As she disclosed on Channel 10’s The Project, she would be happy to be on the next season of reality show The Bachelorette. “I really related,” she says of having watched Sophie Monk in the last series, “although I don’t think they could afford me.”

Wilson is a major consumer of reality TV and has just finished Married At First Sight. “I became obsessed with that show; I had to watch every episode,” she says. The Netflix documentary Wild Wild Country, about a cult in Oregon, was also on her viewing list, along with “heavy dramas”, like The Handmaid’s Tale. “Elisabeth Moss – I love everything she does. And I love Wentworth, such good Australian drama with such strong female actors.”

She watches a lot of Bravo, too, and The Block and HGTV, the home renovations channel. Wilson loves property. After lunch she will be off to look at the Sydney property she bought two years ago. She also has homes in LA, New York and London. Interior decorating and custom designing are other passions. “I was living with Matt Lucas, who has a good eye for design and worked on the interior design of the house in West Hollywood we shared,” she says. “I learnt a bit from that and then it just started. I went with Jeff Lewis, who has a show called Flipping Out, and I learnt everything: I went to the marble quarry, tile store, flooring stores, all of them … and I’m obsessed with textured wallpapers. I never thought I would even care about that kind of thing, but maybe because I travel so much and work, so hard I want my house to be a sanctuary.”

Her LA home is in the Hollywood Hills, which, she says, “is a bit more peaceful and you have deer, rabbits and coyotes … which are not so good”. The house faces the iconic Hollywood sign and her office is close by in West Hollywood.

For all the TV inspiration she remains all about the movies. “It’s still where the power is,” she says. We talk awards – or rather the lack of an Oscar category for comedy. Doubtless she will lobby for that now she is a member of the academy. Of the five movies she has in development, one is in partnership with Simon Cowell. “We are making a film about K-pop, because he is very musical. It will star primarily an Asian cast. And I just sold one to Universal about bi-racial twins. It was in the National Geographic recently and I thought it was very interesting; especially considering race relations in America, and to do a comic storyline with overt themes about race in it but that isn’t overtly about race … it’s a very rare phenomenon. We are writing the script now. It’s in the early stages but it’s a big commercial comedy.”

Her favourite movies growing up were Muriel’s Wedding, which had a big influence on her. “I just adore it; it is so funny and heartfelt and emotional.” Priscilla, Queen of the Desert was another one. “I remember my mum taking me to the RSL club to watch movies and Priscilla was hilarious. I’d love to create my own Australian movie that is like that – something universal. I don’t think I’ve got it yet.”

She adds: “There are so many really great talents from here … Rose (Byrne) out of nowhere becomes like a comedy legend – incredible She just inhabits a character and does it from there.” Of the new generation of Aussies to watch she says Geraldine Viswanathan “is the funniest in Blockers”, and Katherine Langford of 13 Reasons Why and Love, Simon, fame is “really talented”.

Recently she approached Paul Hogan seeking permission to do a Crocodile Dundee remake, since he owns the rights to the film. “Obviously it would have Paul Hogan in it in some way, but he doesn’t want a female to play Crocodile Dundee,” she says. “Which I think is a travesty as I think out of anyone in Australia I’m the most suited to do it …” Doesn’t he know she is qualified?

“I’ve wrestled crocodiles and dingoes simultaneously.” – Fat Amy, Pitch Perfect 1

Surprisingly, Wilson admits she never intended to be a comedian. While training at ATYP she was determined to be more like Dame Judi Dench. “I always thought I’d be a dramatic actress,” she says.

“I was in a play at Sydney Theatre Company and I thought I’d made it. I was 19 and thought I was playing a dramatic role and as I got on stage people just started laughing at me and I was like: ‘What am I doing?’ It was very confusing that first show, and then I just leaned into that and realised that there is something people find funny about me, so I just kept doing it.” She adds: “Only when I got the ATYP international scholarship from Nicole Kidman did I realise I wanted to specialise in comedy.”

When she got to America she had the chance to meet Jason Segel and Amy Poehler on two separate occasions and received some great advice. At that time, she pitched herself only as a comic actress, but that doesn’t mean she’s given up on serious roles; out of the seven agents who manage her, one is scoping dramatic roles for her.

I ask if she were a castaway on a desert island, who she would want there with her to make her laugh. “Jennifer Saunders – she is a hero of mine. I just adore her and I was so glad to cast her as my mother in the opening scene of Isn’t It Romantic … and Joanna Lumley and also Dawn French, and then Australians Magda (Szubanski), Gina (Riley) and Jane (Turner) – they have all been big comedy influences. Then from America, Amy Schumer, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are very, very funny, and Sarah Silverman has the sharpest wit …”

“When I was 18 I had to run away, which was a real bitch because of the chafing …” – Fat Amy, Pitch Perfect 3

This is the kind of line that endeared Rebel Wilson to Michelle Obama. “She is a fan of Pitch Perfect,” Wilson confirms. She has been invited to make a speech with the former First Lady for College Signing Day at Temple University in Philadelphia, which encourages kids to further their education. “She had invited me to the White House after Pitch Perfect 1 came out, but I was filming and couldn’t travel. She is such a nice woman and I like what she’s all about – and her arms,” she says with a laugh. “When Barack Obama was in office she was encouraging a lot of health programs and she just seems like a really cool woman and I hope she runs for President of America – her or Oprah. They are both in the same category: inspiring, good, strong women.”

We talk about women standing up for themselves and #MeToo. Wilson admits a married man has once coerced her in a hotel room and also dealt with a sexist incident during the filming of Pitch Perfect 1.

Of equal pay, she says: “I have been in such girl-power projects, my first movie Bridesmaids and then Pitch Perfect. The girls far outweighed the boys and got paid far more. Pay disparity hasn’t been an issue and I also think I’m a good negotiator, which is why I get good contracts. Some women may not know their worth, but I have a good sense of it. I don’t need to be paid more than men: I just need to be paid fairly.”

Of the benefits of being famous, she says: “You get to meet really interesting people and get to know the real person, and have crazy experiences, and get free tickets court-side to the LA Lakers.”

Wilson tells it like it is. She is a woman making the most of her success, on a mission. Total respect.

“You crush it so hard your nips tingle.” – Fat Amy, Pitch Perfect 3

Oh yes, she does. And so do we.

This article originally appeared in Vogue Australia’s June 2018 issue.

0 notes

goldeagleprice · 6 years

Text

Community Voice Responses (Apr. 3, 2018)

From the Mar. 9 Numismatic News E-Newsletter:

Have third-party grading slabs added value to your personal coin collection?

Here are some answers sent from our e-newsletter readers to Editor Dave Harper.

Preservation of the coins, confidence in authenticity (especially of counterfeit prone key varieties) and establishment of (at least some) market pricing consensus have all been positive influences on the hobby.

The biggest negative has been overgrading, much of it attributable to favoritism toward volume customers. Third-party graders (TPGs) are in business to make money, and every coin they grade is one less bit of business they can do in the future, so they’re motivated toward keeping the big customers happy and coming back. Grade inflation over time is the other main source of overgrading, to the point that today’s market is very much a “buyer beware” environment. I’m a specialist in Flying Eagle cents. I own hundreds and look at hundreds more every week, and estimate that 30-40 percent of the slabs I see are overgraded. That CAC, Photo Seal and “OGH” effectively guarantee premium prices proves this.

The other negative that comes to mind is the shift in focus from the coin itself to the number on the holder; the pursuit of registry sets has turned into a great marketing tool for the TPGs. A sizeable fraction of so-called “collectors” these days are really just “accumulators,” though I’ll admit I’ve profited from this phenomenon.

I’m not a dealer, and the investment aspects really do come second to me, behind the beauty and history of the coins, and the thrill of the hunt in pursuit of my collecting goals, so the negatives don’t really affect me. I know what a given Flyer is worth because I’ve studied them for years. I know the grading standards cold. I know the varieties, and I keep up with the market on an almost daily basis, so I don’t get fooled. I pay fair prices and I get the value I pay for, and have a beautiful and valuable (and still growing) collection to show for it. When I do sell, usually because of upgrading at the high end these days, I have no trouble recouping what I paid for the outgoing piece. I attribute that mostly to the knowledge and experience I’ve built, but also partly to the stability that TPGs have brought.

Mike Nixon Pearland, Texas

I don’t think that they have added value, but they definitely make it easier for me to know the value of my graded coins.

Bill Rodgers Dallas-Fort Worth, Texas

My preference is not to have them in my collection. Most of the time I have found items to be misgraded. Yes, the finish can sometimes be correct, but the rims are shoddy. Yes, most can be from inserting incorrectly. Sometimes, not graded according to ANA standards. I did win a door prize six or seven years back, and both the grade and rim didn’t support what it was stated. I will not complain this time, since my cost was minimal. Basically, I am saying, “buyer beware.” Like NN says, educate oneself! Gary Kess Sherman, Texas

Certainly not!

For a normal person collecting coins by country, denomination, year, mintmark and eventual variants, slabs are just rubbish! I don’t want to get rich on empty values.

So no, no value added to my collection of more than 38,900 different coins. I would never dream of having any of my coins slabbed! I collect coins because I’ve done that for more than 55 years and I’m still enjoying it, even contributing to the KM catalogs, AND I DON’T CARE about the value of my collection.

Ole Sjoelund Paris, France

I have only used third-party grading services to verify that my keys (09-SVDB, ’14-D, etc.) are authentic and not altered. I do not believe in having coins, especially modern day coins, graded as most if not all of them especially in proof are 69s or 70s anyway. To me this is just another way to get more more money from us collectors. In other words, I do not buy labels as some collectors do. Most of my coins are in about 85 Dansco albums. But it has been said that there is no right or wrong way to collect coins. So if grading most or all of your coins is what you want to do, by all means have at it. Dave Burdis Charleroi, Pa.

Yes, third-party grading has added value to my collection. Increased marketability when it comes to sell adds some degree of assurance that the items are genuine (backed by the grading service guarantee). With any collectible coin nowadays, a major concern is that Chinese counterfeits are widespread. Ron Shintaku Long Beach, Calif.

Yes they have. When we first started collecting we cherry-picked our coins but sending some in to third-party graders we were crestfallen that some came back in body bags, with the most having been cleaned. We switched to third-party slabs and took the ANA grading class and continue to cherry-pick our collection, buying the coin and not the slab. Brent Carpenter Kelso, Wash.

My Name is Richard Ziemiecki and I am a modest coin dealer in Camden, New South Wales, Australia. Without question, third-party grading services are a vital part of our industry. In an age where counterfeiting is rife, having your coin authenticated and graded instills confidence in buyers who are prepared to pay the extra fees to know their coins are genuine. I believe the workload for these services is becoming overwhelming and that’s why mistakes are happening. People all over the world are now seeing the benefits of slabbing.

The value of your coin positively increases and people can buy and sell with confidence. If you don’t trust the grading companies, then don’t use them. Personally I think they are of great benefit, and I will continue to use them till something better comes along. Richard Ziemiecki Camden, Australia

Many of the key coins in my collection were slabbed when I bought them because I’m concerned about counterfeits and alterations. I trust my grading over that of the grading services. I still grade coins as I did in the 1960s while the grading companies have let their standards slip. Gary Werner St. Louis, Mo.

Certification has increased my collection in two ways. 1.) I am now assured that the coins are genuine; and 2.) I can be fairly certain of the grade. In recent years, I have had numerous dealers tell me that their grade is the correct one, notwithstanding what any grading book states.

Lubomyr Kormeluk Address withheld

Yes, the value of my collection has risen considerably since I have over the years had all of my coins certified by PCGS and NGC and a handful by ANACS. My grading skills are fairly good, but I prefer to rely on the experts.

I don’t know if it is of interest, but I was “recruited” by SEGS years ago through a charter offer to have coins certified. I sent in maybe 10 pieces in total, all have since been cracked out and resubmitted to PCGS or NGC with mixed results. The one experience I just can’t forget involves my 1795 dollar, which I purchased raw from eBay. SEGS graded it as VF-20 cleaned and I was very satisfied with that. Some years later, when I started the conversion to other third-party graders, my SEGS 1795 dollar came back from PCGS as counterfeit. I was devastated, as I had saved for a couple of years to be able to afford a dollar of the type. This started a major episode of communications with SEGS and the PCGS and NGC bulletin boards. I was eventually contacted by Larry Briggs, and even though I held the SEGS slabbed coin for several years, he requested that I send it to him, which I did. He very honorably reimbursed my purchase price, and I was most appreciative. I also received a check from a numismatic organization (I don’t know who specifically) to help compensate me for the difference in price paid and the value the coin (if it was legitimate) it would have gained over its time in the SEGS slab. It didn’t make up the difference, but I wasn’t expecting either compensation payment, so it made the pain just a bit easier to bear.

I never was able to afford a replacement of the coin and to this day, now maybe 10 or more years later, I have not been able to afford a replacement. So, though I replied “yes” to your survey question, this was a significant loss to me, a reduction in the value of my collection and a souring of my opinion on third-party grading as a whole.

I am now 67 years old and attend an occasional coin show, though in retirement my budget for coins is more limited. My 1795 dollar was a major loss, and I fear I will never be able to replace it at this late date. What concerns me more, however, is when I am at coin shows, there are virtually no young collectors. Prices are just out of sight for young collectors, and I see this as a side effect of third-party grading.

I started assembling little baggies of minor U.S. coins: Buffalo nickels, Merc. dimes, Indian cents and the like, and a small group of foreign coins from my my travels. I assembled 10 groupings for the last show that I attended and only found two children to give them to. Where will the hobby be without young collectors, and what good will the increased value of certified coins be if there are so few collectors wanting them? I started collecting at age 7. There were no third-party graders then. Now, the hobby is for the well-heeled and just not what it once was, especially for youngsters who want to get a start. Perhaps a subsequent survey question could be: Are the third-party grading services improving the longevity and enjoyment of the hobby for future generations? Alan Glasser New Hampshire

I don’t bother with slabs. A dealer friend said don’t slab your collection unless you are selling. If I want to buy something, it doesn’t matter if it is slabbed or not. Bob Graul Address withheld

The real value that I find in the grading service is when I want to buy or sell coins by mail. This gives some kind of guarantee. But when I buy a coin directly from someone, I inspect the piece and grade it according to my experience, knowledge and personal assessment. In many occasions, I find third-party grading over- or under-graded. Especially on foreign coins. Rudy Valentin Address withheld

Yes, and Maybe. A time-consuming, difficult, crap-shooting, and expensive process. Often disappointing, sometimes elating. Dennis Navrat Address withheld

My answer to your question is “yes.” I jumped on the third-party bandwagon early and at some point decided that all of my coins should be certified and graded. The two big advantages are that my heirs will find it easier to sell my collection for a reasonable amount if the coins are already graded and encased in plastic. Also, the slabbed coins are protected, and heirs are unlikely to clean them if in slabs. In my opinion, if your coins are worth enough to warrant the expense, they should be certified by one of the major certification services: ANACS, NGC, PCGS. My preference is for PCGS, as their coins tend to bring more money. Mike Thorne Mississippi

I only have a couple of coins that have been graded by a third party, and these were either given to me as gifts or bought as a part of a lot of coins. My feeling is that third-party grading started out as a worthwhile endeavor, as there is a need for impartial grading of very high-end coins, coins where the difference in a grade can mean hundreds or thousands of dollars. Of course then the grading services decided you couldn’t make enough money that way and began to grade common coins such as common Morgan dollars for investors who had no knowledge of the art of grading. These common coins included Statehood quarters and other issues where the cost of the grading exceeded the value of even the best coins.

In my opinion, most slabbed coins today are not worth the added value. I see the snake oil salesmen on the coin-selling channels late at night selling current issue or other common date coins at a value of two, three or four times book with the explanation that the professional grading insures the value can only increase in the future. I see people on Craigslist years later trying to sell these coins for what they paid for them and having no takers. John Payne Address withheld

This article was originally printed in Numismatic News. >> Subscribe today.

More Collecting Resources

• The Standard Catalog of World Coins, 1601-1700 is your guide to images, prices and information on coins from so long ago.

• With over 25,000 listings and 15,500 illustrations, the Standard Catalog of World Paper Money, Modern Issues is your go-to guide for modern bank notes.

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#Precious Metals

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holisticpassport · 7 years

Text

180 Flip

Okay folks, are you ready for a long one? *insert inappropriate joke here*

But no really this may be long. So as of the last time I blogged, I was fed up. I was at one of the lowest points I’ve ever been in my life, experiencing challenges I didn’t know how to mentally deal with although I felt I handled it as well as I could. I was literally a day away from having a friend lend me money to book my flight home to California, and then there was a decision about whether to stay in California or go back to Ohio which was weighing heavily on me for a good week with sleepless nights, migraines, and everything in between.

I met up with Eta, my friend I met at the barista course, and one of her friends for drinks when I told them about my plans to go home. Both of them, without even knowing me for very long, began searching for jobs, sending me links and phone numbers for gigs and offered to become my housemates. We laughed, sang, talked, and read birth charts over a bottle of wine, and upon leaving, I asked the bartender if they were by chance hiring (they were, and I took an hour tram ride the next day to talk to the manager for approximately 2 minutes and she never called back, but the sheer notion that my mind switched back into a state of hope, thinking “I’m going to give this one more shot”… this was the best thing that could have happened). I also messaged one of the numbers Eta had sent me for a café gig, but my expectations weren’t high. I handed out my resume to another three or four cafes, lit some incense, candles, and said a little prayer to the universe that if I was meant to stay here in Australia, it needed to show me in the next three days or I was really done and going home.

I talked with my host about how I was feeling because I couldn’t be bothered to do any housework for at least four days, and I broke down crying not knowing what else I could possibly do; I had tried and failed here. He told me that I had to stop listening to the voices in my head telling me this was the way my situation was. I told him about a mantra I had been trying to repeat to myself every day: I am not a product of my circumstances, I am product of my decisions and actions. He also told me that this was all temporary and I had to remember that nothing can stay bad forever. Lastly, he told me to think about exactly what I wanted (this was in terms of work, but I implemented it into a general life view/what I wanted out of my time here).

I went to sleep at 8pm and woke up at 10am the next day. This was the day I decided to stop being sad. I thought about my best friend Skyla after her breakup with the guy she was with before she met her husband. She told me that she felt so low and worthless, but then she started to do things for herself that he used to do for her and began doing things on her own—she fell in love with herself and learned about who she was. I knew this was my time for that exact same thing. I had been trying to work on and love myself whilst here, but it wasn’t quite working-- if anything I felt worse. I was always being a critic of myself as opposed to learning to love exactly who I am-- stretch marks, acne, my addiction to pastries and espresso martinis, impulsive behaviors and all. Out of all the issues with money and work and housing… loneliness has been the major killer. I guess I use other people as a way to avoid all the things I don’t like about myself, but how can I possibly expect them to like me if I don’t like me? You all know I’ve been in relationships the past seven consecutive years and before that was in on and off long term relationships for four years. This whole being on my own thing is verrryyy foreign to me. If my last fling here hadn’t ended, I don’t think I would’ve realized how attaching myself to someone makes me lose the opportunity to enjoy my own company, and come to terms with the fact that I am enough for myself and anyone I choose to be with.

So back to my revelation morning; my mind was still on the notion that I may be leaving the following week, so I wanted to see everything I could in Melbourne and surrounding areas before I left. I planned to adventure to the Victoria and Albert Museum in the city (which p.s. IS IN LONDON, and I mixed up a conversation I had with a cute British boy back when I was there). Once I realized I could not go to London, I hopped off at Melbourne Central which I had never been to before. I got lost trying to find my way out, venturing deeper into retail stores and arcades I never knew existed. I came across a stand called Grandma Funk, and the most GORGEOUS pair of hiking/travel boots I had ever seen. I no longer wanted to find a way out of the station, and I gravitated over to the stand, picked up the boots and read their size…. You can guess. Yep, they were my size and the only pair because this place was a second hand vintage shop selling items that essentially had never been used. The shop attendant saw the starry look in my eyes and said “these boots will take you around the world”. Well shit. It was in this moment that I thought “I can’t take these home with me, I don’t have room in my bag. If I choose to buy these boots, I vow to travel Australia and continue traveling in them.” I haggled the price down a bit, and I was off with a new pair of boots and a completely new direction in life than 20 minutes prior.

I began walking… I didn’t really know where to but just walked down some side alley streets. I came across a board with pamphlets for Spanish classes which Eta and I had discussed practicing together since we may be in Spain at the same time (I’ll get to that bit later). I took a pamphlet. I walked by some tables set up with flyers for a protest against Trump the next day. Grabbed one of those and talked with the people running it. I explored an exhibit in the Victoria Library about the history of one of their famous radio stations, and thought about how my Dad would love to see this. Next to the inside bookstore, I saw some flyers for open air cinemas around town and a Latin Festival happening that week. Stuffed them in my bag. I was staying, and I was making sure of it by whatever means of conviction necessary whether it be that I couldn’t miss the protest, or I HAD to see Lion at the MCG laying on the field. I eventually came to a park and sat for 40 minutes before I had to take a class for my RSA certificate or responsible service of alcohol which you have to have to work at a restaurant that serves any alcohol (which I bought on impulse when I decided to stay 5 days earlier and then changed my mind seventeen times). I thought about how much I’ve come to sincerely love this city with all of its incredible quirks, people, nightlife, scenery, art, etc. I had been a little sad earlier that morning thinking I was exploring the city so I could say goodbye to it. By the evening I was happy, and that’s how I knew it was the right decision.

I worked my waitress job Friday night and was so exhausted mentally and physically from my day that I ditched my plans for the Latin Festival, but made plans the following evening with some people from a Facebook group I joined. There was also a pub crawl happening beginning at a hostel around 8pm so I figured I’d go to that, have a drink, then head over to meet my group at 10pm like we planned. Life never goes as planned.

I played giant Jenga, the gin and tonics were $3, and a cute guy said it was a crime that I was sitting, alone so I joined his group. We ended up doing the entire pub crawl together with his friends, and went to a Latin dance club. I got to dance after all! We also went to this creepy ass bar down some sketchy graffiti alley that ended up being a 1940’s hospital theme, with grey cement walls, sterile white lighting, syringes in the drinks, and even a hospital bed in the bathroom! Definitely need to figure out where the hell I went because I’m still not sure. Anyway, the conversation flowed so easily with this guy and more importantly for my self-esteem, he reminded me that I’m a helluva catch. I really needed to be shown that after feeling like absolute garbage thinking I couldn’t do anything right or be the right person for anyone. Not sure what will really come from this if anything, but plans for this weekend are brewing…

I got home around 5am after the kind gentleman accompanied me on my hour tram ride home from the city. I had work at noon so that sucked, but I had to power through because the St. Kilda Festival was happening! Not only this, but I received a call from that number I had texted about the café position for a trial on Tuesday (basically show him I know how to make a latte). Not only THAT, but I managed all of tables on my own at my restaurant without any mistakes for the first time! After work I headed down to the beach, listened to some bands, ate delicious truck food, and bought some hippy bracelets for a few bucks. I met up with Eta and also ran into the group of people I spent New Years with at the Tanglewood Festival. By the end of the day, I was feeling pretty damn good, but really f””king tired since I had 4 hours of sleep.

Oh you thought the blog would end there? No no. You love my writing. You want MORE. In my previous fragile state, I had made plans to see the Great Ocean Road before I went home to CA. It was with a guy I met on the Facebook group and two other girls were supposed to come but bailed last minute. This worked out though because we were able to talk about all of our travels, what we went to school for, shared music, and played Shape of You by Ed Sheeran on repeat while admiring the stunning coast of southern Australia. It was cold, windy, and rainy but it made the day even more memorable when the sun finally appeared as we reached the 12 Apostles. We bantered like we had been old friends and it was really nice to just enjoy the company of a fellow traveler without any kind of sexual tension or expectations honestly. He left for Sydney the next day, and now we have this awesome memory/story that we will share with other people.

On Tuesday I went to my trial, was immediately offered the job/asked to start work the next day, got a text from my MCG barista job that the Gun and Roses concert was tomorrow night so I’d be working it, AND I picked up an extra shift at the waitress job. All the monies! I knew I needed to move down to the city as quickly as possible because there was no way in hell I was making the hour tram ride every day this week between 3 jobs. Leaving my workaway was bittersweet, and I absolutely hate goodbyes. But I couldn’t have asked for a more understanding, supportive, generous, and all around good human being to be a part of my life and welcome me into his despite all of the hardships we endured during our time together. My time there will always be looked upon fondly for years to come.

I decided I wanted to be in a hostel to meet more people and get the travel vibe back in my life. I want to remember that I’m not just here to work and be stressed like I would be at home. My new job is a lot of work for very little pay, but I’m so lucky to have it right when I needed it most and I’m doing something I love in the best ranked city IN THE WORLD. I’m happier not only because everything worked itself out with a complete 180 flip in a matter of a week, but I can visibly see how I’ve grown from all of this craziness we call life. I’ve finally began to enjoy my own company, visiting museums, doing bike rides to local beaches, lounging in park hammocks and eating gelato whenever the hell I feel like it without anyone to judge me.

OH YES. And to top it ALL off, I had almost given up on the idea of working for Stoke Travel because I hadn’t heard back from them in a while. They finally did contact me for the final step in the hiring process, and also threw in that I should submit my photos to be in the running for their travel photographer position this summer which would be an absolute dream. This is why I said I wanted to take up Spanish with Eta since a lot of the festivals they set up at are in Spain ;) I don’t know where I’ll be in the next couple months or what awesomeness may surprise me, but I trust the universe knows what it’s doing. I never thought I’d get here, but here I am. And here you are, a champion for reading through allllll of that. Thanks, you’re a legend for putting up with me.

#personal #australia #travel

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