i thought being a dilf is all about being a good, caring dad while also being hot?

waitt but what's different about your ocified velvette... i like her a little but find myself wanting more substance from her in canon tbh

TEEHEE WHAT A GOOD QUESTION I TOTALLY DIDN'T SET PPL UP TO ASK ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay sew me and @ajistorpid were talking and they inspired a good chunk of my ideas so you can blame them for feeding my sick delusions.

Read more just like last time bc I talk too much sorry but there's art in there too oooo you should look u should read my ramblings

As far as I know, Velvette has no canon age at death, cause of death, or death date so based on what we know we just crafted our own headcanons. AJ proposed she might've had parents who ran one of those family vlog channels with her as the face of it, becoming a child influencer under her parents' control. I was thinking she could've been a child model- yk like. dance moms or something. Idk I don't remember what was happening on that show— anyways. Yea

Either way she grew up constantly controled and perfection was her standard. All of her outside thoughts and feelings and interests and opinions were constantly dismissed in favor of what made her more marketable. She never did get that popular in life tho, and her mentors always shamed and blamed her for it.

Idk if this is canon or not, but the idea of the sinners designs reflecting their vices or things they regreted or hated in life is an untapped gold mine to me so that could explain where Velvette's supposed doll and clown themes come from. Became a toy dressed up and paraded around for the entertainment of others + joke never taken seriously. She'd hate that

(As for how that ties into my redesign…. me and AJ were thinking she could be a vampire doll, but I'm not sure IDK I wanna sketch that out and see what it's giving)

In hell she easilly fell back into this warped facsimile of her old life bc it was all she knew. "she feels some form of pseudo control and enjoyment because she has no one pulling her strings now" (<-AJ) SHE'S running things!!! Who's the puppet now!!!!!!

Then THAT had me thinking too because now that I think about it. Why Is she the backbone of the V's?? She's like. An undergrad student in my mind at the MOST and Vox and Val are two men pushing 40 I'm sure. I think a big part of it is the fact that those two are almost complete and utter buffoons who let their emotions cloud their actions constantly, Valentino most obviously but even tho Vox seems more composed like when he's talking Val down from his outburst and when he was talking to the press, we can still see he's a total mess—especially where Alastor is concerned. He lost it so bad during their duet HE SHORTED PENTAGRAM CITY'S POWER.

Now out of all the V's we've seen the least of Velvette (I'd call it what it is but yall gon get real mad at me), The most we really got out of her character was the overlord meeting (and despite her huge ego and unruly behavior she did end up speaking facts), so maybe she Is just as unstable as them in canon but canon is SHIT and this isn't about canon anymore. In my mind she's very much in charge of the back end of their work. Vox is obviously the head of the operation—or at least he seems like it to me—what with the tech company having his name and with him answering the interviews, but I think that's all he is. The figure head. Velvette is the brain behind it all. When Vox proposes new buisness endeavors off the cuff she's the one who goes back and makes sure they're getting handled properly because he doesn't really dig into the backend of how things happen. Vox goes to most of the conferences or whatever (Vel's too busy running her shows and serving cunt after all) but Vel follows up on what was learned.

(also yeah all that makes this very much an au of an au bc it'd take a lot of radical changes for the two of them to be friends I think. It's fun to imagine anyway)

Quoting AJ here bc I'm bad at paraphrasing and they said it well:

"And if we're going to make her sympathetic, (obviously not excusing her enabling a rapist) Val and Vox are grown ass men and she never got to experience the world outside a camera

Velvette is easily malleable with no real relationships!! Some victims tend to gravitate towards people who are similar to their abusers the only exception is that she feels like she has control this time"

THIS this. THIS! Okay uhh vague personal experience w/ abuse cw ig. skip this paragraph if you don't wanna hear it. But It kinda reminds me of my relationship with my parents- NOT THAT I SEE THEM AS TWO DADS AND A DAUGHTER I DO NOT BELIEVE IN THAT NOTION IN A POST PILOT WORLD If future content proves me wrong it proves me wrong but at this moment they're all equals in my mind (…and I hc them as poly BUT WE'LL GET THERE) but In my situation it's like. I hate my parents for the abuse they've caused me, my mom more than my dad bc she's satan incarnate, but there are still things I like about my dad and. Tolerate. About my mother. We still can talk cordialy and spend time together, have fun together even, and I show affection to them, but deep down I know I wanna cut my mom off later and maybe my dad too depending. Additionally my mom is completely Incompatent and pulls none of her weight so despite it all I've been forced to pick up the slack and become half the brains of this family. I do chores she should take care of. Handle money. Make important decisions about our health and safety she doesn't care about.

AAAny ways. This is so my version of Velvette. No I'm not projecting (I am). She pulls a big chunk of the weight around there (some of it being carried by Vox and virtually none by Val). She's very close with the two of them but isn't a fan of everything they do (Cares more for Vox than Val in my mind). Speaking of, she definitely isn't some saint now, she still makes the love potions and is Impassive to both Val and Vox's behavior, but part of that Is her just seeing it as part of the business. Shady practices and exploitation are par for the course in any business to her. She never truly grew out of the harmful mindsets ingrained into her by whoever her enabling caretakers were in life and they're still apparent in hell. (Maybe she even experienced some of the darker sides of exploitation in life but was groomed into thinking it was okay contributing to why she doesn't see Valentino's actions as heinous. Idk. thinking on it)

Circling back to my poly V's idea. Idk it just seems plausible to me. Vox and Val already have their whole thing going on, they all live together, and they all have nicknames for each other (Vox calling her my dear, Val calling her baby doll, Vel calling Vox darling). Ik that could just be their personalities and the pet names don't have to mean anything more but this is MY au and my word is gospel hope this helps. It just makes sense

I could go on and ON about the toxic insanity of the Poly V's in my mind— particularly between Vox and Valentino— but this is NOT their post so maybe next time. As for Velvette, I get the vibe that she'd be intimate with both of them and enjoy it but she's never the one to initiate anything. Sometimes they're all like this 🤞🏾 and others the boys are a complete turn off to her (main example being the difference in her attitude towards Vox in episode 3 vs episode 8). Her tolerance of them flips on a dime depending on how they're acting. She also prefers to be a casually entertained observer to VoxVal more often then not (ex. end of episode 8 imo)

Boys aside. My Velvette is still a social media influencer and she's all about advertising. advertising products (like the love potion), clothing looks, technology... Heck even herself. "You're nobody if you don't wear this or use this or look like this ^ - ^". Projecting on her even further by making her have a love/hate relationship with her profession aka the modeling aspect of it: she's always had a genuine love for fashion and dressing up but the internal pressure for perfection she's placed on herself makes it hard for her. She's very hard on her models and designers bc of this

Couldn't think of a segway for this but also WHAT HAPPENED TO VELVETTE WANTING TO FIGHT THE ANGELS??? The "full assault plan" against the angels??? And then when the fight actually came they were all just lounging around watching it go down like it was afternoon tv????? This isn't even a "we'll get to it in season 2" thing did they honest to god forget? Did that line not mean anything??

Well I didn't forget and it's pissed me off since my first rewatch of that meeting scene. Don't think we don't know how the V's got the angel head, but In my head Velvette was the one who initially proposed the idea for an assault against heaven and her insatiable need to feel respected and feared only spurred this plan on, incredible risk be damned.

It also felt weird to me that Velvette just. Let it go when Carmilla said the meeting was over. Just. "Oh ok! Plan cancelled no more attacking heaven ^ - ^ I'm gonna go scroll for the rest of the show!" Hu h. My au-ified Velvette would definitely fight her on it— if she thought killing angels would change the game and Carmilla held the secrets behind it she would pry! Blow up at her about it until she wasn't getting results and bitterly storming off with as much composure as she could muster. Not wanting to team up with Carmilla but find some way to use her for all she was worth and get her way in the end, use the power and resources the V's had to actually make a plan. Would it have worked without the Morningstars? Eh. Either way I'm sure she could delude herself into thinking they were the most powerful people in hell. Ugh I don't wanna make an au rewrite of the show and I that was never my plan so idk where that'd go but. Yea

ANYWAYS anyways. wow you made it to the end somehow! Here's your treat :3

Context u didn't ask for: Some days Velvette overwhelms herself with her own impossible expectations. Nothing she creates or puts out is good enough. She gets extra anxious about her following; nothing's happened to them, but what if they see the miniscule flaw in her latest clothing that she sees? What if she's no longer perfect? (Even worse in the vamp Velvette redesign of her bc she literally feeds off their attention and admiration)

She'll snap at everyone and disapprove of every look and then hole herself away somewhere where she crashes and is just. So. Tired. But she'll be out of it the next day, ready to keep the conveyor rolling.

random ask where you get to rant or ramble about anything you really want to talk about

Okay I'm ready to talk!!

Ramble will be under the cut it is long. It's about my writing process for my Ronance Fic No Sweeter Drug (than just giving you my love) if you're at all interested in reading, spoilers beware.

So, before i started writing my first ronance fanfic I had not read any ronance fics at all, or at least not any where Ronance was the only ship (I had read a few where they were pretty prominent tho). This was interesting because this is the only time a ship has overtaking me that didn't start with me consuming an ungodly amount of fanfiction, instead it started with me listening to Midnights by Taylor Swift and thinking that Maroon really reminded me of them. And I'm not even a big Taylor Swift fan!! (which is probably hard to believe when I have an entire fanfic based on an album of hers).

But anyways, I started writing it, first with an outline (and because I love talking about writing processes that's what this ramble is going to be about, idc if no one wants to know, i want to share, so listen to me (or don't, idk)).

This is how it started, the first words I ever wrote of this idea.

and it keeps going, with a little blurb for each song. Rereading this, I can see that things have changed, my chapter for Vigilante Shit was originally "fun and light hearted" and ended up with Robin and Nancy seriously considering murder for about 500 words. The ending changed a bit, as I was originally trying to fit each song in there, before deciding that Mastermind really didn't make sense for this fic, and Sweet Nothings was a much better ending. (And let's be honest, Nancy Wheeler did not do any masterminding in NSD). Also Nancy was originally bisexual until I started writing the first chapter and realized my girl was so comphet.

After I do a brief roadmap/outline, i then take each chapter one by one, first writing a more detailed bullet point outline, and then writing the whole chapter. Here's my some of my bulletpoints for chapter 2 (the Maroon Chapter) for your perusal

As I kept going, I eventually stopped doing bullet points and started just writing out the scene blocks more like this (this is chapter 6, the Midnight Rain one)

And then I just write the chapter. Fun fact, while writing the end of Chapter Four (the Snow on the Beach one), I did almost make them kiss too early. In the actual fic we have this:

but when I first wrote it, she did say that out loud. This is what happened:

"I shouldn't have left you on that roof," Nancy says. And Robin is surprised because they've never talked about this before, not outside of that week. "I was scared."

"I know." Robin says. "I'm not really mad at you... not anymore. More sad about it."

"You still...like girls then?"

Robin nods. "Do you?"

"I'm not sure if I'm allowed to." Nancy says quietly.

"It's not about being allowed to or not. It just is. You can like whoever you want to like."

Nancy is quiet and think back to before. When she was in New York, she was still Nancy Wheeler, resident goody-two-shoes. So much of her life had changed after that day. So much had gone wrong. Her whole life was different. And maybe, maybe no one would really care, if Nancy dated a girl. Maybe it wouldn't be such a big deal. Maybe one day her and Robin could be far far away from here. Maybe Nancy could be happy... just maybe.

"I don't know how," Nancy says, instead of any of that. And she's talking about a lot of things here. Maybe she doesn't know how to do date a girl, maybe she doesn't know how to move on, maybe she just doesn't know how to be happy.

"That's okay," Robin says. "I don't know how to either. We could figure it out together."

Nancy doesn't say anything, just grabs Robin's hand. 

They both slink down to the floor, leaning against the house.

Robin asks if she can kiss Nancy and Nancy says yes and it's soft and sweet, not the same hurried red passion of New York, but something slower. 

"God this is weird, isn't it?" Nancy says.

"Yeah, but it's nice."

"So nice"

You can tell towards the end of me writing it, I realized that this was way to soon and I wasn't even trying with dialogue. I pretty much deleted that right after I wrote it (had to hunt through my track changes to find it). I got swept in the moment writing and the realized I had an outline to stick to! They couldn't kiss in chapter four!!!

Also ew such a shock reading my raw unedited writing. In an ideal world, my writing will go through two editing passes before posting. It all honestly, only the first five chapters got the privilege of two editing passes, the rest got one pass and a run through a spell checker. (Although one pass can be multiple, i just prefer two passes of editing with some time passing in between them)

I'm doing much better about editing the fic I'm working on right now, and I feel so much better about the quality of the chapters when I do that.

The title of No Sweeter Drug (than just giving you my love) was one of the last things I came up with. I didn't settle on it until after I'd compeltly finished the first draft. I was debating between two of them, NSD and (I love you so much) It Scares Me Half to Death and the only reason I didn't pick the latter was because a) I love Tessa Violet and b) I couldn't figure out which part to put in parentheses.

Anyways, I really enjoyed writing this fic and this fic was a different tone then anything else I've tried. The other fandom I write for has a standard for first person writing and I used present tense for my fics there, so this was the first fic I wrote in third person past tense, and I could feel myself growing as a writer while I wrote it.

The only thing is I wish it had more comments 😭😭😭 feels like such a selfish thing to wish for, especially when so many of the comments I've gotten have been so lovely and i've made a couple of wonderful friendships from this fic. But I started writing this fic back in Oct 2022 and didn't post it until Dec 2023, so that's over a year of writing for an average of four comments per chapters.

In reality, I was just spoiled by the first fandom I wrote for—they're literally the best at giving comments and I was tricked into thinking that was the norm. It's just a tad disappointing to be pouring all this time and effort into something and not getting out what you pour in, we all have to be leaders of change in the Ronance fandom and start leaving long and detailed comments on every chapter of each fic we read.

But overall, I really grateful for this fic even if no one had read it, it was fun to write and I'm really really proud of it.

And anon, I hope this was what you were looking for in a ramble and you're required to at least pretend you enjoyed it /j

I thought this would be neat and precise, but this kind of ended up being a ramble about the Postal Dudes and how their system works. And my interpretations of them, I guess. Anyway, if you're curious to learn about Red, Dude, and Cowboy, click the read more, because I am scared as shit to post something this long without making it easily skippable.

Let's begin, shall we?

Red: Postal 1 Dude, was the host of the system for most of childhood/teen/young adult years. After 1997, he stopped. He's extremely guarded and doesn't like getting to close anyone--something that's stuck throughout the entire system and all the years they've been alive. He's quiet and doesn't like speaking often, and will avoid talking if he can really help it. Sometimes, he'll freeze up mid-sentence and be unable to continue verbally for a couple minutes. Due to how DID works, it's most likely that Red started /existing/ during childhood, and whoever was THE original kid Dude, is no longer a thing. Red formed specifically to take on everything the kid originally had to, and was hostile, reactive, and paranoid to survive. During this time as he was growing up though, along with delusions and hallucinations, he had another voice beside him. Dude, though he has been mistaken for the Demon: Postal 2 Dude, the main host of the system up until the car crash that formed Cowboy, sometimes called Green or Three (usually by mistake, or because Cowboy got too embarrassing), and after the 11 years spent in Catharsis or whatever. The Postal Dude himself, Dude, is a rather... Combustible person. He tries to play along with the people he meets and knows, but is ultimately always dragged down into a spiral of wanting to stop living this horrible life he's in. Something always goes wrong, he has nothing to live for besides Champ, and no matter what he does, he's never been able to escape the Hell that he's been stuck in for all these years. He's mostly selfish, in the sense that he's much more likely to run from a bad situation than help out someone who's in danger--unless there's something in it for him. It's hard for him to care about others, and it's hard for him to meet anyone even remotely sane nowadays. At this point, he's just counting the days until he finally snaps. And snap he did--when he shot himself in the head on Friday and ended up in a twisted hellscape of his own making. Mad Cow Tourettes Zombies are a laughing matter in the face of one million crazy and wacked out Gary Colemans throwing fucking grenades and scissors at you from every direction. I mean, seriously, what was up with that? Were those hospital attendants or just makings of Dude's mind? What the hell was happening? And why the hell were those Colemans so strong? Where the fuck did the grenades come from Anyway, back on track: Cowboy, aka Green, aka Three, aka Loser, aka Dumbass, aka Fuckwit (I'm assuming I don't need to make it any more clear?): Postal 3 Dude, a game I have not bothered playing and instead watched a longplay of because by god, that gameplay is ass. So, he formed after the car crash, and was the first one to wake up. That brain damage mixed with a nuclear blast really does something to a guy, huh? Well, once he was back on the road and fixed up, he went to Catharsis with Champ and did... Some stuff. I'm going to say that stuff was NOT everything shown in the actual game because the story is dumb to me and i think I could rewrite it and make it more fun. Haha, that'd be cool, right? Anyway. Cowboy's the most anxious of the group. He tries to be cool and act like everything's chill and like he's in control of things, when really he's usually not. He's not prone to violence--at least not as much as Dude and Red might be--but he IS going to resort to it if he can't get what he wants in a somewhat tame way. I imagine, if he and Movie dude were to meet, they would like kiss and make out under the moonlight. Who said that Anyway, if you have anything you want to know in particular about these dudes, let me know because I love talking about all my thoughts. and Stuff.

🍒 for ibring1ife and timedten /anonymous clearly pfft

send me 🍒 (or cherry)  +  a url and i will write some positivity for them.

i put this under a cut because it's very long, some might say stupidly long, and extremely emotional. don't worry about it. @ibring1ife @timedten

look. i started getting properly close with you two when i was going through a really hard time. i won't go into it too much but i was in the miserable place of figuring out how to move forward after looking a lot of really difficult, uncomfortable truths straight in the eye. i felt very much unworthy of any care at all, but you both showed me so much kindness and understanding anyway. you listened, you offered your support, you watched shows with me and played games with me and made me laugh when i felt, the dramatic bitch that i am, like i would struggle to ever find a reason to smile again. i know it hasn't been too long since we all started talking, but you both mean a lot to me. you really did get me through, and i'll be forever grateful for that. (i know i come on a little strong, i know i'm a little too affectionate sometimes... that's kinda why. sorry lol)

seren, you are a treasure. i have such admiration for your artistic skill, for the creative's approach you take to the world and to the media you consume. i love reading your analysis, the quotes you send me from the books you're currently reading - i love your passion for literature and for women who are allowed to be complicated and angry and something more than human. i respect your boundless kindness, the love you always have to give, and your strong moral fibre. i love your deliberate use of metaphor and envy your keen aesthetic eye. know, today and everyday, that you are valued, cared for, and this tardis team would be worse off without you.

darian, you are BRILLIANT! god, i admired you so much for the longest time before we ever got to really talking and that opinion has only strengthened now that we've gotten to know each other properly. you're always so much fun to hang with, whether it's stardew or farscape or literally just sitting on the phone shit talking steven moffat for an hour. your edits are gorgeous, too, and you positively channel the doctor in your writing, which is itself so unique, unlike anything i've seen in all my years in the rpc. your laughter is infectious, your excitement a joy to be around - you genuinely brighten my days, and your adventurous willingness to go with me on the wildest tangents is so appreciated.

one of my favourite things about rp is weaving interconnected stories, and what we've all developed is a prime example of exactly why. i feel so deeply invested in our plotting because it's so rich and expansive and thoughtful, because the arc of it is so satisfying, because you both bring such insightful takes on your muses every time. it feels like taking this medium to its extreme, and i'm always pushed to do my best writing with you.

i've been rambling entirely too long but to close i just want to say that i hope you both know how special you are. seriously. this world is better for having you in it, and if ever you forget that or are struggling to believe it, you know where to find me. <3

My first vent was way too rambly, so I'll spare you guys a lot of extra long stories:

You might have noticed, in my Ao3: I'm cutting back on my amount of writing, almost full-stop right now.

It's not because I want to. It's because I physically cannot write right now. My hands will not the words make the stories happen.

Why?

People.

It's always fuckin people, coming in, ruining all the good things in the world, y'know?

No but seriously...it's people, in the sense that I've lost a lot of friends recently, and gained many more people on my List of Blocked, Blurry Faces.

Three more in the last six months, actually. Some pretty big ones too. People I really cared about. People I really wanted to believe cared about me, too. But actions and events in the past have made it clear that is no longer the case. There is nothing more for me now, in those empty places.

And the grief of losing people over and over again, over such stupidly small things, over such basic needs...it's overwhelming. The amount of grief I already spent the last two-ish years processing, finally at a point where I can live normally again, just for more shit to hit the fan the moment I've cleaned the living room carpet.

It's really starting to take its toll. It's getting harder and harder to want to write, to want to be around and present and a part of the show. Even just a conversation. When I know that it will keep ending in closing curtains. I will keep having bridges to burn down, whether or not I want to.

I'm not entirely done from it all. Not yet, anyways. There's more I still want to do.

But...I know it's getting nearer to me. The end of this season, my near-decade clinging to this fandom like a ship in the storm, sailing from one disaster to the next.

The smoke from all these fallen bridges is making it hard to breathe from the top of the hill.

There's some good news though, like a little light at the end of a long tunnel. There are new opportunities beginning to emerge, areas that feel scary and new, but also tantalizing, exciting. My optimism is compromised and quiet, but it does compel me, this new thing.

But, until I can get out of the cautious stage, I am suffering in the ways of my passions and hobbies. Writing is very hard. Art is very strenuous, too. I have so many things I can't do right now because they're just not enough of a priority at this point in time.

So in all this, really I'm only asking you the reader for your patience, which thus far I've been so thankful to have. I'm in a state of metamorphosis right now, shedding one form and waiting for the other, and I don't know how long this new process will take me. But it is going, for it is inevitable.

One day, I won't post Planes things very much anymore. One day they'll be very few and far between. But right now, I'm riding the wave, trying to wait out the growing pains, and giving myself the time I need to just...be. And to stop being what I should be, and start being what I want to be.

Which is a cool yet approachable goth-hippie that FINALLY lands a goddamn date

This has been my 1 AM ramble. Thank you for coming to my Pen Talk.

I'm. Not going to go into a huge ramble right now because I've done it before and I'll probably do it again later but I am running off of zero sleep and a sonic the hedgehog g fuel so if I talk a lot now it WILL end up incomprehensible but. Just a tiny post since I am thinking about it.

[Edit: it became a huge incomprehensible ramble anyways. It's under the cut if you want to see opinions on the TAZ graphic novel (and sorta the fanon) versions of Taako. But please dear Istus do not think I'm talking about the entire fandom it is just one specific brand of fanon-interpretation I'm talking about, NOT the fandom as a whole please I know enough about Tumblr's reading comprehension to know I should probably put a warning here now that I am talking about a specific trend and not an entire group of people who all have different opinions and also that this is ALSO just my own opinion myself. Oh and also this isn't meant to be like an attack on anyone it's just a personal peeve so if I sound frustrated that's just a Me Thing not me being like mad at anyone in particular Thank you very much genuinely for reading this and understanding]

But like,,,, does it bother anyone else or is it just me that the fandom's perception of Taako has become like. WAY more of a stuck-up ass than he ever really was in the podcast ever since the graphic novels came out? Like don't get me wrong he is a dick but he's never been, like, cruel for the most part.

But like, putting on HtbG (podcast) and then putting him next to the gn version of him is like.... Almost not the same character to me? It's like most people forget podcast Taako started out as the "dumb but sweet joke character" who was constantly slow to pick up on social cues and who the other characters repeatedly would take pity on and make fun of for being "the idiot of the group". And again he is a dick but he's not, like, Seriously a Mean Person!!

Also a decent chunk of the "antagonistic" stuff later on is still a continuation of him not getting social cues like in the beginning (for example, his bit where he threatens Angus for potentially becoming a better wizard than he is, realizing afterwards that his tone didn't come across the way he intended and that Angus interpreted that as being serious, and backtracked to try to clear up that he didn't mean to come off as serious and only meant it as a joke. And also says very explicitly in the same episode that he intends for most of his "mean" behavior throughout the series to come off as joking between equals and he doesn't mean for other people to take it seriously. He just says that.).

And he has, like, unspoken morality about what "harmful" things he does too, especially when it comes to like stealing stuff. If you listen to the podcast he (with very VERY VERY few exceptions) only ever steals from people who are dead- who will no longer be using those items and would be letting them go to waste unmoved- and people who have directly wronged him or his loved ones from his point of view. He actively tries to stop the other two from stealing from innocent people!! There's a whole scene where he establishes he isn't comfortable taking from people who don't deserve it and who need that money!! And then you go into the exact same scene in the graphic novel and.... He's exclaiming that he's going to steal a bunch of shit. Not just any shit, the exact shit he was trying to STOP the others from stealing in the podcast.

Which just doesn't feel like Taako at all!! In fact when he stole and sold Angus' grandfather's silverware and realized Angus really didn't deserve that, he felt guilty about it and tried giving some of it back for him and making up for the rest with quality time and magic lessons! but now when I look at fandom stuff (at least what I've come across) it seems a lot more people lean towards the more kleptomania-fueled dickhead Taako than the much tamer original version, and I have to say I prefer the original more!! He has so much more dimension to me in the podcast- not even because there's more time to flesh him out there than in the gn- but because while he is rude and foul-mouthed at times he has pretty explicit limits and will get upset if people try to force him to cross it! (Also seen with his elevator-related PTSD and him having a very reasonable breakdown when his emotional limits were repeatedly crossed with fair warning from him he'd freak out if forced into going in there..... which got cut from the graphic novels as well because of course it did).

And going forward, with gn Taako being so much more selfish and inhospitable than the original version, I feel like they might cut out his "I'm not a piece of meat" scene in TSG, because if they DO keep it in there's no way to me personally that it'll feel earned in any regard- tell me when in the graphic novels has he pretty much ever shown the genuine humility that the original version carries under his standoffish persona. I don't see it, and I don't think whatever happens between Crystal Kingdom's gn and The Suffering Game's gn will be enough to make that scene feel genuine to me. I really, honestly believe that.

Of course there's some things I do like about the graphic novels and I'm more than willing to give the next ones a fair shot (Crystal Kingdom was a lot better than I expected it to be!) but I really, really, REALLY don't like how the graphic novels (and to a small extent, the fandom) really over-emphasize how mean he is to people when if you listen back to the original in a lot of cases he's much more mellow and kind or is just not picking up on other people's tones/social cues and is being misinterpreted (both by other characters in-fiction and/or certain listeners) because it's established in the text he's bad at picking up that sort of thing

crazy theory time! Hello, I hope you don't mind me trying to formulate thoughts by clogging up your asks haha (sorry in advance, love your eclipse posts and you feel super approachable!) But I've been having Thoughts I was hoping to soundboard off someone. I've seen a lot of people mention that in the first trailer there was a glimpse of Akk going off the cliff. I'm pretty sure the show will have a happy ending so I tried not to take it too seriously. But, PT1

[...contd.] But after what they pulled with the imagined kiss, and all the times Aye has imagined (or relived?) Dika doing the same, I'm seeing that scene in the trailer WAY differently. Do you think maybe that's from something Aye had a nightmare about? More and more we've been seeing Aye push his own mission and intentions to the for Akk's sake (such as not exposing him as 'the curse') And more and more we've been seeing Akk despair with what's right and all the pressure and manipulation he's under. We already know Aye hates lying (I don't think he's ever fully lied on the show in fact! He's avoided questions with deflection but never and outright lies about himself) and I think that's because he values the truth so much, maybe something he learned from Dika? He keeps asking Akk to tell the truth in more ways than one (the curse, Akk's feelings for Aye, etc.) Which brings me to my crazy theory... We've seen that Aye is so desperate to keep from losing anyone   the same way he lost Dika, that he'd do just about anything. But I think  that will lead Aye to do something totally against his original mission  to keep from losing Akk at any cost, even if it means sacrificing  himself. But that's going to mean Aye will lose himself in the process. I  do think there's a HEA, so phew! But the pain for Aye ahead breaks my  heart! :( Though, in good news - I think Akk will be the one person that  can get through to him at a time like that. I think Akk will be able to   bring Aye back with telling Akk the truth about how he feels about him   (maybe a parallel of the "I love it when..." scene?). And if that's the case, I might burst into tears haha. Anyway! Thank you for entertaining  my rambling! Hope it wasn't too much of a bother, and have a lovely day!  :) ❤️ 

Hi anon!! Thank YOU for giving me a chance to talk about The Eclipse even more!

I agree, I’ve been thinking for a while that Akk going off the cliff was Ayan’s nightmare. But with the last ep establishing that the nightmare is a result of Ayan’s guilt that Dika died because they left him alone basically confirmed it for me.

We already know Aye hates lying (I don't think he's ever fully  lied on the show in fact! He's avoided questions with deflection but  never and outright lies about himself) 

I don’t know if you’ve seen this wonderful meta by @liyazaki but it goes over Ayan not lying and his thought process when his mother asks if he’s going to leave her too better than I ever could put it.

I hate the thought of Ayan sacrificing himself (hasn’t the poor boy been through enough) but I could see him doing it. I’m hopeful it won’t go that way for several reasons though!

The first is this clip from the eclipse special at 5:49 where Akk and Ayan seem to have released some sort of project together. I’ve convinced myself at this point that it’s them working together to expose Suppalo. I may be totally wrong but until the show tells me that explicitly, I’m hanging on to it.

And the thing is... I don’t think Ayan protecting Akk would go against his mission. His mission, as far as we’ve been told is, “I’m going to wreck Suppalo and they’re going to make up for the shit they did.”

The shit they did includes what they’re doing to the students, and includes the intense brainwashing Akk is under. Hell, Ayan’s even told Akk to his face that he’s never met anyone as brainwashed as him.

The really really beautiful part of their relationship for me is that the only secret there is between them is that Dika is dead. There are no secrets set up to break them apart for a last minute separation - Akk being the curse could easily have been that. No, they both know since the very beginning that Ayan knows that Akk is the curse. They’ve talked about it plenty, even.

And Dika being dead, instead of a traitor that left them to work at another school? I think that is something that would bring them even closer together, maybe even help finally convince Akk that maybe, just maybe, his school’s reputation isn’t the most important thing and that sacrificing himself for it doesn’t really help anyone.

I’m really nervous about how all of this is going to play out especially considering that there’s only 4 episodes left but they’ve given me no reason to not trust them so far

(I also still fully believe that Akk thinks the curse is real and him acting as it keeps it at bay and - not to trust the previews but - I’m hoping the next episode is going to address that)

Honestly, more than Ayan I’m worried about the road ahead for Akk. His entire worldview is set to be shifted entirely and not only does he have that to consider and where his morals stand in relation to that, but also his entire future. He’s constantly under so much pressure and keeping so many secrets I really don’t understand how he hasn’t fully crumpled already.

Not that it’s going to be easy for Ayan. Assuming he does get his revenge, he’s going have to finally process the grief of losing Dika outside of anger. Once again, he needs so many hugs. Just, constantly someone hugging him. Maybe people taking turns to do so while he’s busy clinging to Akk like a koala

AND A PARALLEL TO THE I’LL TELL YOU MY FEELINGS SCENE. If there’s any sort of variation on that, let me tell you I won’t be talking about it. Because I’ll already be dead. I’ll be found paused at that scene and it would be a happy way to go tbh. Idk about you but I’m not prepared (I need it now)

Thank you for your ramblings, I loved reading them! As you can see, we love rambling thoughts in this house 🥰🥰🥰

a lot of the parts of endwalker that i liked because they resonated with me were like. how do i put this. this is going to come out clumsy bc i have to go to work soon and i don't want to spend all my time on impulseposting about ffxiv

so, being a nonreligious atheist in the US, right. a lot of them are ex-christians. US christians are batshit nuts and culturally dominant. take these two things together and what you get is that a lot of the Story About Atheism is "still" a revolutionary, subversive, underdog thing; it's about attacking and overcoming the flaws of mainstream thought

i'm not ex-christian; i was raised nonreligious atheist, blissfully unaware for a shockingly long time that most christians actually took the stories more seriously than my books of greek mythology (which i was far more familiar with than even the big-name bible stories). that didn't erase the entire fucking...bush years experience, or like, going through my teen years arguing with fundies online about evolution, but atheism has never been as, like, revolutionary or liberatory for me as it was for my parents or for many of the loudest voices about it

which creates a ?cultural context? that's in a weird spot because like, there's things about being a white-mutt nonreligious atheist in the US that you can't really talk about for as long as atheism is still in a defensive, underdog position, because if you're like "you know i think about the meaning of life sometimes and it's kind of upsetting how most of my at-hand secular options for holidays/traditions/values are just rooted in settler colonial mythology instead" then fundies will start frothing about how it's evidence of the brokenness and degeneracy and soul-rot of atheism or whatever.

so like, games about killing god are very important and i will never argue that they aren't relevant in this day and age, because uh holy shit, but they don't resonate with me personally because there was never a god-by-that-name in my head to kill. endwalker (the parts i'm thinking of anyways) is one of the few pieces of media that does feel like it's talking directly to me on that axis, starting from the premise i was raised with and skipping over the defensiveness to talk directly about civic religion and nationalism and, like, the invention of god or god-like concepts from scratch by people who don't need to explain where the rain comes from but do crave reassurance that there's something bigger than their own flawed selves that can tell them they're doing alright, when they look down and realize how much power and how little control they really have over the world, and can't find anything to justify it. hermes hit hard and i don't think i've ever been able to fully explain to anyone why. dungeon meshi levels of going "oh shit other people know this feeling."

among other things i don't have the time or focus to ramble about. the whole venat and ancients thing.

i've seen people say endwalker is a pro-religious story and i heartily disagree, i think it's easy to hear it that way if you're used to people swinging around "you just need to believe in jesus/astrology/??? and that'll fix ya" as a weapon and that's the only time you hear people use the word faith, i definitely have that kneejerk reaction too, but endwalker doesn't feel like that to me. like, it's not coming from that place and trying to win me over, it knows where i'm standing way too well for that

if that makes sense.

talk 2 me about milly the stampede blease

(continued from here)

you have enabled me and now i am going to ramble instead of doing my computer science homework, which is very youcore i think <3

ok this whole au was inspired by fanart but i do think. there are very interesting similarities between milly and vash that make this swap very fun to me! vash, especially in tristamp, obviously has this whole "goofy harmless naive" schtick going on to make himself as sort of personable and seemingly-harmless as possible. obviously vash also is a goofball but he primarily has an image he is maintaining! milly isn't ever putting up a facade in the same way imo but she does get treated as "naive simple silly" in the same way by... fandom, partly (segue to say i am in the trigun ao3 tags daily because. i don't know. and there are an abysmal number of fics that are just casually misogynistic and ableist about milly even when she's just a side character), and also i think '98 is to blame for a lot of it. and milly is silly! she's a goofy sweetheart who is constantly ordering a very complicated french pastry and tea from bars! but she is also so clever and emotionally intelligent and so so brave. and while she isn't presenting an image in the same way, she is very aware of other people's perception of her -- in trimax she has to threaten to shoot wolfwood to get to rescue meryl with them because he won't take her seriously.

anyways. milly the stampede au draws a lot on that -- the perception of milly by other characters and how she is aware of that and can potentially use it in the same way vash does. milly is also a Lot more open (and emotionally intelligent. i think); her scars are a lot more internal than vash's are. we also know that, like vash, family means a lot to her; she has an absurd number of siblings. (eulie who's knives in this au?? don't worry about it. i don't know. maybe knives is milly's sibling now too.) other parallels include the fact that her massive gun is a stun gun, even though obviously that thing could and probably does kill people. she also is super super strong (literally)! there are a few bits in trimax where characters comment on how huge her stun gun is and i think it's partly a "wow a woman carries that" thing but there's also some moments where it's just like "that thing is fucking massive how does anyone use it". go milly go!

also central to this au is meryl the punisher :) meryl often gets the role of "having the braincell" but i don't think she has it at all (milly does, if it has to be one of them). she's very smart and determined and knows her shit but meryl bottles up how much she cares a lot -- she's the iron lady! she deals with a lot of internal conflict about her role in the world, and also has some internal conflict about family, like wolfwood. in this au i have her getting taken by the eye of michael from university, so later on than ww, and probably did not undergo the age-up that he did (although i do think meryl is probably a "went to college early" guy and was probably still young when EoM took her). it's a very caleb critrole origin story of getting to go somewhere special because of your talents and then that getting used against you -- her pre-EoM/early-EoM (before she knows what they are/what they're doing) is very inspired by tristamp s1 meryl and how determined and eager to prove herself in the world she is, even at the cost of her own safety. also in parallels to wolfwood i think having a cape filled with 50 tiny handguns is almost exactly as absurd as having a cross that is secretly a machine gun

vash and wolfwood are reporters in this because it's my favorite change that tristamp made and because i tried to imagine wolfwood willingly being an insurance agent and couldn't. i could see him being a begrudging roberto-type reporter, though, and vash is the tristamp-meryl "we have to help!" optimist. they both have their canon-typical issues. vash is too self-sacrificing and wolfwood is still kind of a feral kitten. vash looks at milly and meryl and goes "i can fix them!" and wolfwood goes "absolutely the fuck not you can't" and then catches feelings anyway. i think i said all this in the other post but i don't care. in trimax there is a recurring thing of meryl and wolfwood being slightly afraid of vash for different reasons -- it would be the same here but with milly. meryl's afraid of everything that's hiding under all of her sweetheartedness, and what has to happen to her for her to not be sweet, and wolfwood's just disconcerted by everything about her. vash loves her immediately of course because he's vash :]

i said this in the other post too but merylmilly having the bonkers fandom vashwood dynamic is so important to me. meryl would not handle having wolfwood's role of betrayal well. milly would get hurt so much more visibly. this whole AU hurts me

(sort of from the WIP asks?)

Absolutely unhinged Grelliam rambling

(To save time, please assume that each paragraph begins with "in my opinion" because this isn't a meta post, I'm not trying to be like "omg they're endgame and this is Yana's vision" I'm mostly talking about my creative process and the transformative nature of fanworks. My fanworks specifically.

Note: The Tale of Will the Reaper does not exist to me. I Do Not See It.

Not sure if I'm just experiencing Visions or what but I do think that Grelliam could be endgame with quite honestly only very small amounts of character development

I was struggling with writing the ship for a while because I really liked it but as it stands Will and Grell have like 0 chemistry and really REALLY fall into that 2010s-era "sexually inappropriate dumbass x emotionally stunted asshole who beats the shit out of them & we're supposed to find this cute and funny because it's the 2010s" dynamic

So I was really struggling finding a way to like. write that dynamic in a deep, meaningful way. Because in order to do that, you have to take it seriously, I think? You either have to take it seriously and consider them a couple that is uncomfortable with each other or dial it back into something you can work with.

The problem is, as side characters, if you take that away, there's nothing left. Grell is just some weirdo with a crush and Will is. wallpaper.

The only solution, thus, is to develop it. And I finally "solved" Grelliam in a way that works for me.

You seeee, I initially thought Will was The Problem. So naturally, if I crafted some sort of scenario in my head where he changed to accept and reciprocate Grell's feelings, that should fix it, right?

Wrong.

The problem was, I still didn't believe it.

It didn't work for me at all.

Even if you headcanon him as demi, which I do, there's still this strange sense of mismatch, that Grell is over-performing in a way, or perhaps... over-compensating?

I sat with this weird Grelliam mismatch for months trying to come up with some fanfic plots, some ideas, something to compel me, but I really could not find any appeal in a love story where only one person is transformed. It turns Will into a problem and Grell into a solution.

But then I realized that Grell is, in fact, also a problem.

Her feelings and expressions are WAY too over-the-top to be believable or even... genuine. I started thinking about what she said to An right before killing her (in the anime, anyway, bc I've watched that scene more than I've read it)

Also I'm paraphrasing because I'm not about to go look up the scene just to get the quote right in some absolutely unhinged Grelliam ramble

But it was something along the lines of "what use are you to me if you're just another woman?"

Because Angelina hesitated to kill Ciel. Because she showed weakness.

From this and Grell's attraction to Sebastian and Will, I think it's fair to draw the conclusion that it's not aloofness she's attracted to, but resolution, stoicism, drive, immovability. We can guess that she's not lithro, because she was in a reciprocated relationship with An.

It's displays of excess emotion and vulnerability that turn her off.

That being said, I don't think she knows just how deep her feelings for Will go. I think she's counting on him to never, ever break. To never cry, to never bleed, to never smile. I think she feels very safe in that.

That needs to go.

I think, the Inciting Grelliam Incident, the moment that shatters the status quo into a million little pieces on the floor, that changes everything

Is

That

Will needs to show some kind of weakness

And Grell needs to keep loving him anyway

I could keep going but I ran out of steam anyway my point is I can write Grelliam now because I finally have an idea of what I want their fucking dynamic to look like

Thanks for answering the ask! I would love to see more of you talking about Beta TeruKane!

hi again Anon :)

you're welcome! and thank YOU for the ask uwu

it was very fun and I had an amazing time doing it but it is also very hard to write them out, they just have this different vibe between them then canon yk...?

anyways I think Beta!Teru kicks Akane's legs randomly under the table

and would definitely be more obnoxious when asking for favors!! imagine him being more optimistic and just kicking Akane's shin sooo hard and then leaning over with such a wide grin saying his name in his face like, he has no chill

and Beta!Akane is slowly withering tbh

he can't take much more of this before he shuts Teru out of his head forever. usually he ignores him like canon except he just stares at his paperwork intently instead of his usual "no" beta!Akane just flat out moves on! Which makes beta!Teru want to pull his chair under him.... it never ends well for Akane

I think Beta!Teru would give Akane more of the "I respect you" look and then after Akane is like "what?(kinda gay)" Teru just gives him a malicious smile and pokes him with his sword (affectionately) and beta!Teru probably likes telling Akane he's gonna die. not like seriously! but like "that's gonna get you killed" I just know he would idk. but as much as I'm making him out too be the worst, he's a lot more calm I swear! well, maybe not calm but like like like

MORE NORMAL??? okay he is a little more modest then our canon jerk Teru

Beta!Akane is a bit more hesitant and stubborn to help Teru, he doesn't exactly see it as worth it most of the time. but the sheer respect both of them have for each other breaks through so TeruKane team up

but I think they'd like to try and step on each other's shoes whilst multitasking the fighting. but when it's intense they don't do that ehe

anyways beta!Akane doesn't talk about Aoi in the student council room after work is done like canon!Akane does. but Beta!Teru still likes too talk about his siblings whenever. although Akane won't go out of his way once she's even slightly mentioned he'll be like "are you asking about Ao-Chan?" and then go on and on and on about Aoi and the way her hair falls. he gets a lot more crazy then Canon, instead of in love or gawking, he's just so crazy over her! but he also rants about how he needs too keep this part of him on the low for her because she would most likely be worried. she's too perfect too be worried about him <3

and Beta!Teru just continues too give the stare or grin of "this is getting old" or "I'll steal your girl" but we all know he's full of shit and just wants too hear Akane talk about whatever.

but Beta!Teru genuinely doesn't want him too get as passionate talking about his loved ones, unlike canon!Teru who just wants Akane too talk because he gets so over the top about caring. but yk Beta!Teru just kinda doesn't have time too waste because he HAS A LIFE

a less exercist life and more study but still better then canon</3

ahhh I'm not sure where I'm going with this but I'm done rambling ugugisbsjdb ty for the ask Anon! <3

Hi! So, you probably don't remember me but I'm that anon from a month ago whom your blog convinced to watch Kinnporsche! Well I have finally had time off to binge it and I just finished it and I am screaming! (and I have no one to scream with so I hope you don't mind)

This show was really great, I love how it had both silly and serious moments, how the date wasn't the perfect date Porsche pictured but it was still beautiful for them, and how there were so many moments where I was just screaming at my screen for the characters to just communicate ffs. But it also had many twists, some of which I did and some of which I didn't see coming, which kept the plot fun and interesting!

I've mostly been rewatching tv shows lately so this was super refreshing to watch and I just fell in love with the characters at introduction (I mean, come on, that Porsche intro was perfection, and the way it was mixed with what was going on with Kinn was perfect)

They did so many great things with lights I probably need a rewatch to catch and appreciate them all!

I'm glad KinnPorsche and VegasPete (and Macau) got their happy ending, and I'm a bit sad for Porchay and Kim but maybe they'll work it out eventually, or not, who knows, never meet your hero and all that

But I had a question since you seem to know a lot... Do we know what actually happened? Because what Korn said is heavily implied to still not be the truth (and he hasn't exactly shown himself reliable with the truth), so I was wondering if maybe they had said more about it in interviews or some of the specials?

Anyway, I am very sorry for filling your inbox with my rambling, I hope you have a great day (or night!), and thank you for having all these wonderful gifs and posts that convinced me to give this show a shot, I did not regret it one bit!

hi!! also sorry to take 3 years to reply to this, i've very glad to hear that you watched and enjoyed kp!!

the first episode is seriously such a masterpiece with how it introduces the characters and the whole show and sets the tone (not that every episodes is going to be strictly about serious mafia stuff, but serious mafia stuff will always be looming over our characters having their silly lovely moments)

also i’m flattered that i seem to you like someone who knows a lot cause i feel a bit more like porsche most of the time

but yeah, anyway! i’m gonna say that i don’t think they mention anything like that in the interviews. i haven’t watched all of them obviously, but if they were talking about what actually happened in characters’ past i’d feel like it would be pretty important and loud and by this time made it to my radar at least once alksjd but i don’t think they talk about it, especially considering that there is still a chance of second season happening and you would want to keep something like very important plot relevant truth (korn did kill kan a bit too early to keep some of that truth from porsche and kinn, seems important) for the next season.

then again, the series is based on the novel, and the novel has all the lore the series doesn’t have. but i haven’t read it and for now have no interest in doing so (maybe some time later, but idk man). and the plot of the series might differ from the novel, so again, i don’t know if the novel has answers to your question.

one thing is certain - korn is full of shit. what he tells porsche in the end isn’t the truth or at least isn’t the full truth, but i personally wouldn’t trust him even with a weather report. i’d say that our best bet is to hope that there is a second season and that they will reveal the actual truth in it, because i’m damn curious about what the fuck is up with this fucking family!

i will kindly ask tho, if someone did read the novel and is reading this post right now, don’t actually post any novel spoilers in the replies, please? but if there is something relevant in the novel, maybe let the anon know that you know? ok, thanks everyone, love you!

flashbacks/pathetic rant that you don't care about but I have this urge to post anyway

I remember back in year 10 someone in my year (I don't remember who but they were quite popular if that helps you imagine the kind of person) asked if I had a vlog. Pretty random question considering I don't typically talk to people like them and never mentioned it in conversation, but me being the naiive idiot I was, I told them that I had a Spacehey and gave them my username. Now this wouldn't be a problem if I wasn't so open back then online as I used it like a diary. Someone with common sense (ie modern day me) wouldn't make that public, let alone give it to someone I somewhat knew in real life.

Please, for the love of god, DON'T MAKE THAT CRAP PUBLIC! Now people I sorta knew (didn't know all of their names but they weren't complete strangers to me) were reading my thoughts and commenting on them in real life. What made it worse is that I wrote something offensive about someone that I would consider a friend, and I didn't realise at the time because 15 year old me was stupid as hell. I know it's been almost a year since then but I really fucked things up. I eventually made it friends only and there's no point in trying as I'm not accepting friend requests nor using that website anymore as it just reminds me of the shit I said. It's a shame though as that website was pretty cool: it was basically myspace but modern and had a nice little community (and it ran perfectly on my iphone 5c!).

God did I seriously traumatise myself with my own stupidity? ...Nah...probably just thinking too deep into it.

The blogging in me never left though, hence why this exists. Since late March of this year, I've kept a diary that I update almost every day (on the days like today where I missed the previous day, I force my brain to remember it). The diffrence is that I keep that stuff private, which is good as it means I can ramble on about god knows what, but now I'm constantly worried that it's going to be used againsed me as blackmail in the future as uhhhhh...it contains...stuff...anyway the interesting thing about that is that I would only comment about a particular thing in that day rather than talking about everything. I don't know how my memory was that good as I can't even remember what I did yesterday, let alone write an entire paragraph on how I stole a cookie from my school.

I don't know why but I have a habit of having these urges to post whatever's on my mind online to get rid of it. This story did teach me though, is that I should shut the hell up and not tell a single soul in real life that I have a tumblr blog. If I was in that situation today, I would ask them where they got that info from and then ignore them; ya know, what inteligent people do in that situation. I just really hope my parents don't find out about my online presence. I've kept it a secret for almost 4 years but I'm so scared now of people judging me that I never wanted to tell them. Mum's never even heard me swear before, how do I know she won't spent 40 minuites of my time talking to me about personal stuff? People's morals never seem to align with mine and I'm scared that I'll so something really bad and not realise what I've done until it's too late, just like what I did to the friend I mentioned earlier, who I really wanted to get to know more as they were really cool but I fucked things up and they deserve to never speak to me again. The annoying thing with people is that I can't read minds like others so I can't tell what exactly they think of me. It's easiest just not to talk to anyone and be by myself as at least I know myself 100%. The internet is no exeption to this too as all it takes is 1 blog post for me to potentially be:

a creep

a criminal

a bigot

someone who others think is not doing too well mentally

someone who others think is insane

and I wouldn't even know until after I pressed the post button. It's scary as I want to be somewhat well known on the internet but I know that I'll end up causing my own downfall or even worse: knowingly turn into either of those 5 and horrify my past self (aka my current self).

I don't know why I even typed this out, you're going to read this and either not care, or think there's something wrong with me (when there isn't). I just needed this out of my system but if you know me in real life and you've read all this: please, for the love of god, don't do anything about it.

Hey it's uh, Pretzel here. Probably a bad idea I keep calling myself that but darn it internet anonymity matters to me! At least for now, if I could talk to Pretzel the Clown right now I get the feeling they would disagree. Too bad for them they're not driving this meatbag body of mine just yet!

Anyhoo, just wanted to talk about this Cassidy girl a bit. I wish I had met her, the human version of her I mean. She seemed like a sweet gal. I've seen videos of other fully turned Clowns like her. I dunno, I guess for me it's kinda chilling. I look at that and I keep thinking "wow, is this what I'm gonna be like soon? A comple joke that no one will ever take seriously?" I don't have very many friends, nor does my family like me (long story, #transrights). I guess it's just a weird thought to know that eventually to society I'll just be some wacky clown walking the streets doing pervy shit to debase themselves with no end goal other than making people laugh. I wonder if clowns still need to take estrogen lol. I guess that would be nice to not worry about anymore.

Personally right now my biggest worry is my major buck tooth problem. Big dumb overbite like that Cassidy girl. Makes me feel like a beaver lol. I think my newest urges are probably the ideas I keep getting about adding Cartwheels and similar stunts to my yoga routine every morning.

Sorry for all the rambling, I guess it just feels nice to have somewhere I can vent a bit about all this clown stuff that's (literally) taken over my life. My plushies say hello btw. Honk Honk and all that 👋💝🤡

🥨

Pretzel!

Yes, trust me girl I was silently screaming my whole time with Cassidy. Part of me was really happy she’d gotten over the shame she felt last time we talked in public, but goodness a little shame is healthy.

If you’re in the middle of nowhere I can do see your fear of becoming your town’s weird wandering clown. I know I’m so thankful for all my friends, patients, Daisy, and my sister. I’m very lucky I have so many people to share the load. I’m glad I’m at least giving a place bc where you can air your frustration.

I know exactly what you mean about the transformation. I would give anything for a tf that would let me keep my practice. Just the thought of being so aimless scares me.

As far as Estrogen goes, I’ll try to find a journal I was reading the other day, but clowns on estrogen have reported supercharged effects as their change progresses.

And I like buck teeth personally, but they do admittedly make you look kind of dumb. I shared a boyfriend with this bimbo is college who had Buck teeth, oh my gosh I loved watching her use her mouth.

Anyway, good to hear from you! Give those plushies a hug for me! Honk honk!

Squeals, Sparks and Spiderman

~A/N  - Yeah the title is shit but oh well.

Y'all I watched Spiderman NWH and OH MY GOD BOY WHEN I SAY I SCREAMED I did. I'm a boy who fucking loves Andrew Garfield.

Like look at this man

LOOK AT HIM

HE IS JUST <333333

He's not even in this fic I just luv him. Sorry.

But anyways, I got a request which was THIS:

"ohhh what if you had someone tickling doctor strange? And his magic sorta goes haywire and he has sparks glowing around him. Maybe some furniture slightly lifting/shaking. Like absolutely no control over it and when they tickle certain spots different reactions of magic happen? If you don’t feel like it it’s perfectly fine😊" - Anon Anon your MIND i love. But yeah kinda links to No Way Home, in no way links to Andrew Garfield I just needed the excuse to gush about him cause he is everything I want to be and more. Starts off the same as NWH but takes a different (better?) direction.

Hope y'all are having a good one, and are not annoyed by the spam of Andrew gifs (you know it's serious when I capitalise his name every time I say it).

Sorry this took so long to come out!

- Enoy! ~

Tag List: @mysterious-marvel Masterpost Link

"OK but my Aunt May really should know-" Peter said nervously.

"Would you just stop talking!" Doctor strange commanded, trying his best to contain the spell.

The wizard side stepped around the table, arms circling the air causing orange rings to form around the pair.

"Could you also-" Peter began, reaching his hand out to touch Strange's side as he moved past.

He let out a half-strangled noise as the rings exploded outwards, sending shards of orange magic shattering across the floor.

"What was that?" Peter's eyes were wide, scared he had somehow seriously screwed up. "Are you alr-"

"I'm fine." Strange said a little too quickly. "Everything's fine."

He took a few shaky steps, clutching an odd glowing orb and trapping it in a container.

"Are you sure? Cause I touched your side and-" Peter rambled, gesturing to Stephen's ribs. The older man flinched away, almost sending Peter flying with his magic.

"Oh?" Peter smirked in an oddly intimidating manner.

"Peter, don't you dare..." Strange stammered, silently cursing himself for the very unthreatening tone. "We don't know how much damage has been dONE-!"

The doctor was interrupted by a jab to the ribs, forcing a yelp out of his mouth.

Peter's eyes were wide as a kid in a candy store. This was too good to be true.

Within an instant, Peter had tackled Stephen to the floor. His super-charged muscles easily pinning the wizard down. Almost immediately, bright orange sparks ricocheted around the room in time with Strange's giggles.

"I don't even know where to start!" Peter grinned, fingers tapping on his chin in thought. "How abouuuuuuut-"

"Peheheter nohoho-"

"Here!"

Stephen barked out a laugh before descending into manic chuckles as spiderman's hands scattered up and down his ribs. The sparks glowed and zoomed across the room with every jolt of ticklish laughter that came from Strange. The higher Peter got, the more erratic the magic became, and once Peter reached his armpits circles began to appear.

"PEHEHETER DOHOHON'T" Stephen tried to warn, but the evil smirk on Peter's face sent shivers down the already goosebumpy spine of the poor Doctor.

The moment Peter plunged his fingers into Strange's armpits, that high pitch, almost glassy sound echoed from Peter's left. Strange tried to splutter out a second warning but before he got the chance a tidal wave of seawater from the deep ocean plunged over the pair, knocking the two of them to opposite sides of the room. As Peter spluttered and swam for his life, Stephen managed to - within the water - compose himself enough to close the portal.

Peter and Stephen, both sopping wet, locked eyes for a moment. And Strange saw nothing but ticklish hunger in Peter's. Spidey swung across the room, webbing up the wizard without a second of warning, and landed swiftly next to him.

"Peter thihink about what you're dohohoing!" Stephen stuttered, wriggling in the silky bonds that held his body in some weird spider-cocoon.

"Oh I'm thinking alright, thinking this is a GREAT idea!" Peter chirped, gently wriggling his fingers against Strange's exposed neck.

As the doctor's muscles tensed in ticklish torment, the chairs and tables surrounding the two began to shake. The more intense the tickles became, the more violent the vibrations grew. As Peter's nimble fingers climbed higher onto Stephen's neck, the rumbling stopped. A quick glance around himself revealed that the furniture was now floating spookily as if it were possessed.

"Awwwwww Mister Strange, your magic is going haywire!" Peter giggled teasingly, making sure to gently trace the shells of his ears to make the objects shake slowly in mid air. "But I think we're done in this spot..."

Strange took a deep gasp, finally given a brief respite from the ticklish onslaught. He coughed a few times, restoring his deep gravelly voice.

"Peter wait. Let's not cause any more damage than we already have." He threatened, but it was difficult to be intimidating considering his cheeks were still flushed in a post-tickle glow.

Peter, ignoring the wizard's advice, continued his search for a new spot. His hands wiggled teasingly over the poor man's body, slowing down agonisingly close to his stomach.

"Peheheheter..." Strange's voice was already rising into an almost adorable pitch.

"Ye-heh-heh-hes?' Peter mimicked, and without giving Strange even a moment to respond he plunged his fingers into the doctor's tummy.

As Stephen's arms flailed as much as the spiderwebs would allow, Peter narrowly missed a book hurtling towards his head.

"Woah! When you said knowledge is the most powerful weapon I never imagined you'd throw a dictionary at me!"

"Stahahahap!" Strange chuckled helplessly, thrashing from side to side.

At least, it felt like powerful tossing. To Peter it was like pinning a giant worm that would wriggle every so often.

As Stephen's face became a purplish red colour, an odd orange glow radiated from beneath the webs currently containing him.

Peter's fingers were skilfully brutal. Managing to create the perfect combo of pressure and sensation, hard enough to elicit deep belly laughs, but too soft to feel anything but unbearably ticklish. There wasn't a single nerve on Strange's body that wasn't aflame, and there didn't seem to be a cell of his skin that wasn't now a deep amber.

"What you up to there Str-" Peter asked above Strange's giggles, but was rudely interrupted by a powerful but silent blast centring at his little tickle victim. He was knocked several feet into the air, landing crumpled against the wall next to the doorway.

Once Peter's senses were a little less scrambled, he was able to clamber to his feet excited to explore more of the wizard's tickle spots.

Unfortunately for him, Stephen had already composed himself after the senses assault and was rubbing away the goosebumpy phantoms.

"We do not speak of this. To anyone. This moment never happened. You should forget about it and continue your day." Strange muttered between the occasional deep breath.

Peter nodded, a Cheshire grin plastered on his face.

Oh this was a little factoid Peter was far from forgetting.