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sagesparrow394 · 4 years

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Nerdiness

Fandoms: Sanders Sides, Hazbin Hotel

Characters: Logan, Patton, Virgil, Janus, Roman, Remus, Emile, Remy, Valentino

Relationship(s): Moxiety

Summary: Hazbin Hotel AU. Go here if you want a preface of who’s who and see the character designs

When there’s a surprise guest at the hotel, Patton gets all hands on deck to make sure the guest gets a proper welcome. However, things get put on pause after he heads to Logan’s room and finds something out about their spidery friend.

Trigger Warning: themes of sexual assault and abuse

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It had been a very normal, very quiet day at the hotel. Emile was running around the lobby, dusting and cleaning the cobwebs that had been woven by spiders overnight. Janus was drinking cheap wine behind the bar, though insisting, “It’s soup. It’s too early for alcohol.” Roman was wandering around absentmindedly, checking on things and occasionally picking on Virgil, who was in charge at the time as Patton was out, pinning up posters anywhere he could to advertise the hotel.

And, though it seemed to everyone else that these posters would be a lost cause, given how most demons had initially reacted to the idea of the hotel, they apparently weren’t.

For, at around midday, the front door opened. And in stepped a demon.

He was a bat demon, wings folded behind his back, and two black bat ears poking out of his hair. He wore a black jacket, white shirt, and black skinny jeans. He was texting on his phone as he stepped in, one of Patton’s posters in his other hand.

“Hey, babes, this is the ‘Happy Hotel’, right? I wasn’t too sure, since the sign says ‘Hazbin’. Might wanna update the flyers.”

Virgil looked up from where he had been sitting on the couch, eyes widening. He went to get to his feet and welcome the demon, but before he could, Roman was already welcoming them in

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, welcome to the Hazbin Hotel! I’m Roman, I run this fine establishment.”

The bat demon raised his eyebrow. “I thought that Lucifer’s son did?” He paused. “Wait, Roman? The Radio Demon?”

“I work with Patton! He owns it, but I’m helping him run it. And so is that boyfriend of his, I guess...”

Virgil rolled his eyes, going over to the bat demon. “Sorry about him. Just come on over to the reception and we can check you into a room, Mr...?”

“Just call me Remy, babes.”

Virgil led Remy over to the counter, where Janus pulled out the guest book, blowing the dust off of it. He opened it to the first page, where there was only a single line filled in: ‘Logan “Angel Dust”.’

“Angel Dust’s still living here, huh? Thought you’d have kicked him out after the whole turf war thing,” Remy said.

Virgil sighed. “Trust me, I wanted to. But Patton insisted he deserved another chance.”

“Yep, I did! And I think it was a good idea. I mean, he hasn’t joined any turf wars since then, has he?” Patton was standing in the doorway.

“He’s still an addict and offering his usual ‘services’. Remember he invited us to his strip show a week or so back? Still a sex worker,” Virgil shrugged.

“Come on, now, this is a sex worker positive environment!” Patton said, wandering over. “And the whole point of this hotel is to help people who are sinning, not kick them out for sinning. I’m sure, with our help, he’ll make progress and be clean from drugs in no time!”

Janus scoffed. “His stage name is literally the drug he’s addicted to. I doubt it’ll be that easy. Plus, just because you’re sex worker positive doesn’t mean those guys up in Heaven are.”

“Well... we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. Anyway... who is this?!” Patton turned to Remy, grinning from ear to ear.

“Remy. Nice to meet ya, gurl.”

“You too! Oh, you’re going to love it here! Now, I’ll show you to your room-“

“Actually, think I wanna get a tour first, see what facilities and stuff you got here. Plus, I’d quite like to meet Angel, I’m a bit of a fan of his.”

“Oh, sure! In that case, I’ll go get him. Verge, Ro, while I’m gone, why don’t you show Remy around?”

Virgil raised an eyebrow. “Um, I think it’s better I go with you, Pat-“

“Sounds wonderful!” Roman grinned. “Come on, we must get going, there’s so much to see!”

And with that, Virgil found himself being pulled away by Roman, Remy following behind. Patton smiled as he watched them go, before turning and heading to the elevators. He headed up to the floor Logan’s room was on, before heading down the corridor to the room.

When he arrived, he knocked on the door, but didn’t wait for a response, immediately opening it.

“Logan, you’ll never believe this, but we have another guest! It’s so exciting! And they want to meet you, so let’s head down... stairs...” Patton trailed off, blinking in disbelief.

Logan was sat on his bed, Fat Nuggets curled up to his side. However, the thing that caused Patton to be surprised was what Logan was wearing and what he was doing.

He was wearing glasses, which wasn’t new. When he first moved into the hotel, he’d explained he mostly wore contacts, but would trade them for his glasses in the privacy of the hotel as they were more comfortable. Along with the glasses, though, he was wearing a baggy sweater and jeans - a far cry from his usual tight suit that showed off his body.

And he was reading. A very thick book, and by the looks of the cover, a scientific one. In fact, there was a cardboard box on the floor beside his bed that was filled with books and... academic papers?

Logan looked between Patton, and the book in his hands. “Uhh... It isn’t what it looks like. Books... get me hard? This is all for sexual purposes?”

“Logan...” Patton spoke slowly, a smirk pulling at his lips. “Are you... a secret nerd?”

Logan sighed. “... I’m not gonna be able to get out of this am I? Fine. Yes. I admit it. I am a nerd. I like astronomy and science and math and all that shit. But you can’t tell anyone, okay? This stays between us, no one can know.”

Patton’s smile fell. “Why not?” He came over and sat on Logan’s bed. “You shouldn’t hide your passions and the things you enjoy. You should express yourself and embrace them!”

Logan scoffed, folding his arms. “In case you’re forgetting, I have a reputation to maintain. I’m seductive, alluring and sexy as all hell. ‘Nerd’ doesn’t exactly go along with that. People won’t exactly want to accept my services if they think I’m just gonna ramble about quantam mechanics for the whole time. And not just because they’d think I’m boring and lame. It’s what Val told me: I’m already hotter than others. People feel like shit if they think you’re both hotter and smarter than them. If it gets out I’m smarter than the average demon, people won’t pay to be around me because I make them feel bad about themselves. So, it’s much more profitable to just play dumb all the time, as then they think they have at least one thing up on me.”

“So... to get work... you need people to see you as lesser than them?”

Logan shrugged. “Yeah, pretty much. That’s how demons are.”

Patton frowned. “That isn’t fair at all! You shouldn’t have to be forced to hide part of yourself. And even if you weren’t smart, that fact shouldn’t make you lesser than others.”

“Eh, I do what I have to. And I still get to enjoy my nerd shit in private. It’s not too bad.”

“It is, Logan. It really is. You shouldn’t have to live a lie like that.”

“Well, I do, and there’s nothing you or I can do about it, okay?” Logan snapped. “If I were open with this shit and Val found out, he’d-!” He paused. He took a deep breath. “Just go, Patton. And don’t tell anyone about any of this.”

“But-“

“I said go.”

Patton sighed. He reached over and gave Logan a comforting pat on the shoulder, the other flinching. Then, he turned and headed to the door. He gave Logan a comforting smile, before gently closing the door behind him.

Logan sighed, gently hugging Fat Nuggets. His eyes drifted to the mirror. As he watched, someone appeared behind him in his reflection.

In the reflection, Valentino slipped one hand up Logan’s sweater and the other into his pants. Logan tensed, trying to remind himself this wasn’t real. Just a hallucination.

“Angel... what did I say about these kind of things?” Valentino smirked, looking down at the reflection of the box of books and papers.

Logan didn’t respond, just hugging Fat Nuggets closer in an effort to comfort himself.

In the reflection, Valentino slid his hand further up Logan’s sweater until it came out the other end and gripped around Logan’s neck. “I don’t like you thinking you’re better than me... Your intelligence doesn’t mean shit, especially in our industry. Give. It. Up.”

Logan shook his head, closing his eyes. When he opened them again, his reflection was normal again. Valentino was absent from it.

Logan sighed again, leaning back on his pillow as Fat Nuggets licked his cheek. After a moment, he pulled out his phone.

Logan: Meet me at the drug vending machine outside the store. I need some fun to distract me.

Remus: You got it, Lo!

Remus: But won’t those hotel guys be mad at you? They weren’t exactly happy last time we went out and tore shit up together.

Logan: I really don’t care right now. I just need some fun. See you in ten?

Remus: Fuck yeah!!!

Logan pocketed his phone, before getting to his feet. He put the book he’d been reading back in the box, which he then took to his closet. Once it was hidden away, he took off his clothes and replaced them with his usual blue and white striped suit. Then he went over to his dresser, taking off his glasses and putting them away, and then placing in his contacts.

Once he was all changed, he picked up Fat Nuggets. “Let’s see if Janus will look after you again while I’m out.” And with that, he left the room, heading to the elevators and down to the lobby.

In the lobby, Roman and Virgil had just finished giving Remy the tour and returned. Patton happily welcomed them back.

“So, what do you think?”

Remy nodded. “Pretty nice place you got. Being ‘redeemed’ seems like a pretty good bargain to live here. Feels like I should be paying hundreds.”

Patton smiled. “I’m glad you like it! Now, um, about meeting Logan, that’ll probably have to wait. He’s, uh, dealing with some stuff right now.”

“Are you sure about that?” Roman asked. “He’s right over there!”

Patton turned around and, as Roman had said, Logan was there, stepping from the elevator.

“Oh, Logan! Why don’t you come and meet our new guest! Apparently they’re a fan of yours!”

“Sorry, but it’ll have to wait. I’ve got somewhere to be.” Logan headed over to the front desk. He leant against it, giving Janus a wink. “Think you can look after Nugs for me again?”

Janus groaned. “I’m not looking after that fucking pig agai-“

“You will? That’s great! Here you go, make sure he’s treated well. Daddy’ll see you later, Nugs.” Logan handed the pig over to Janus, before turning away and heading to the door.

“Where are you going?” Virgil asked, folding his arms.

“If you must know, I’m meeting up with Remus.”

“Remus?! The guy who dragged you into the turf war that ruined our reputation the last time you hung out?! No way in hell are you meeting up with him!”

Logan huffed, turning back to the others. “Two things. One: he didn’t drag me into it. I joined willingly to pay him back for helping me out. And two: that wasn’t the last time we hung out. Remember that time last week I invited you guys to my show and literally all of you no showed? Remus came round after, and he and I hung out for a bit. It was perfectly calm, no destruction.”

Patton raised an eyebrow. “He came here? How come none of us saw him come in?”

“He climbed through my window. Now, I’m not letting you guys stop me from seeing my best friend. You don’t have the right to. So, I’m heading off.” And with that, Logan turned and left the building, the door slamming behind him.

“He’s in a good mood...” Janus muttered, setting Fat Nuggets down on the counter and opening a bag of chips for him to munch on.

“That might be my fault...” Patton chuckled awkwardly, scratching the back of his head. “I walked into his room before he said I could come in, and found something out that he’d wanted to keep secret.”

“He has secrets?” Virgil asked.

Patton nodded, before whispering. “He’s a super smart nerd.”

Janus scoffed. “Logan? Smart? No way.”

“He is!” Patton nodded. “He was reading a sciency book, and owns a bunch of academic papers to read for fun. And we only have those in hell to act as torture devices! He just hides it because he thinks it’ll ruin his business if people think he’s a nerd. Y’know, since nerds aren’t ‘sexy’. I tried to tell him he should embrace who he is, but he wouldn’t have it.”

Virgil shrugged. “Well, what do you expect? I think we all know he’s stubborn as hell. C’mon, lets go show Remy to his room. We’ll deal with Logan when he gets back.”

Patton nodded. “Okay... Well, Remy, it’s this way! Come on!”

“-and of course there’s a phone here for room service! You can decorate however you want, as well! So... what do you think?”

Remy nodded, sitting on the bed. “It’s perfect, babes. Thanks a ton.”

“No problem!” Patton smiled. “Let us know if there’s anything we can do for you.”

“Will do,” Remy said as he pulled out his phone as it buzzed. He chuckled. “Looks like Angel Dust - or, I guess Logan, since you all seem to call him that - is having some fun.”

He held up his phone for Patton and Virgil to see, the former sighing and the latter groaning.

On the screen, Katie Killjoy and Tom Trench were discussing a series of destruction and explosions that was going on across the pentagram. And the footage from the scene clearly showed the ones behind it were Logan and Remus.

“Well... at least it’s not technically another turf war?” Patton shrugged as Virgil held his face in his hands.

“We’re ruined....”

“No, we’re not. It’s gonna be okay. Remember, Verge, we have Remy here too, and I’m sure more guests will follow. And it’s not totally Logan’s fault. I’m probably the one who made him upset to the point he decided this was the only way to get his feelings out. In the future, I’ll wait until he says ‘come in’.”

“That may be true, but it doesn’t change the fact he needs a healthier coping mechanism that doesn’t involve blowing up the whole city.” Virgil sighed. “And all this because he doesn’t like the fact people know he’s a nerd...”

“So, why’d you want to come wreak some havoc?!” Remus called as threw a molotov at the building across from the one he and Logan were currently standing on the roof of.

“Patton walked in on me reading,” Logan explained, throwing a bomb at a store a couple of buildings down. “He knows I’m a secret smarty pants. He promised me he wouldn’t tell anyone, but I really doubt he’ll keep that promise. Knowing him he’ll accidentally let it slip. He’s probably already told his boyfriend. I just wanna make it clear, in case it does get out, that me being a nerd doesn’t make me any less of a force to be reckoned with. Oh, also, you mind taking some pictures of me for Insta? Also gotta make it clear being a nerd doesn’t change the fact I still look flawless.”

Remus laughed, pulling out his phone. “No problem. Don’t worry, Lo, if I hear anyone talk shit about you, I’ll make sure everything they own gets blown to smithereens!”

“Thanks, babe.”

“No problem. Anything for my best friend. Now, lets go! We got more places to destroy!”

And with that, the two of them ran off, jumping from building to building, and tossing bombs everywhere they went and Remus occasionally snapping photos. And Logan made sure to ignore his phone ringing in his pocket.

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just-some-random-blogger · 5 years

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No Way, Subway

DC Batman Bruce Wayne x Tailor!Reader Summary: You definitely did not meet Bruce Wayne on a Subway Word Count: 1k+ Warnings: Teasings, fluff, name calling kinda, etc.

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“I know this is a really weird question, but, uh, who’s your tailor?”

The man in the deep green three piece suit turned to me from where he stood and narrowed his eyes curiously. Everyone in the carriage shook as the train passed that uneven part of the subway with the loud pipes. The man pulled his head back and looked for a tag inside his suit.

Even though the expression on his face was not very flattering, he still very much looked like someone from out of a magazine. Even with his folded triple chin, he looked awfully cute.

Honestly, I know it sounds crazy, but he looked so much like Bruce Wayne for a hot second I thought he was him. And then I took some common sense from the back of my head and started to rationalize why the richest person in the damn planet would be taking the subway. Oh that’s right, he wouldn’t, ergo, this was merely someone who looked exactly like Bruce Wayne.

“Isn’t this, like, Armani or something?” he grunts, frustrated that he couldn’t find a tag.

I knit my brows and nodded profusely, “Armani doesn’t stich like that. This was handmade, unless you got a handmade Armani suit or something.”

For a second, he stops his search for a tag and turns to me. He then, I think silently debates the weight of my words.

We arrive at a stop and I turn to the opening doors. At his point, he removes his jacket and goes AHA!

“Darcy,” he says, putting his outwear back on. He turns to me as I wonder if I knew a tailor called Darcy, which slowly melted why don’t I know a tailor named Darcy when that tailor made that?

“I assume Darcy is the last name, does he or she have a first?” I asked by the time the train started again.

“I…” he trailed off, “believe her name is Ephonie.”

I frowned.

A second passed before the man spoke up again, “Why the long face?”

I turned to him humming. I blinked at his expression, concerned, deathly handsome. Holy crap what if he was Bruce Wayne?

“Oh, I just… I don’t know her.”

The man took another second before replying, “I’m guessing you’re a tailor too?”

I pursed my lips and nodded. “If this big ass bag of junk isn’t already a dead giveaway,” I said, kicking the big bag of cloth and various types of fabric in front of me.

“Not to be nosy, but wouldn’t it be better to take a cab with how much you’re carrying?”

“Yes, well, Mr. Nosy, not all of us can afford to take a cab back and forth the city frequently.” I sighed. “And besides, save the environment, right. Plus, I’m used to it; it’s not as heavy as you think.”

He chuckled, “I just asked if you should’ve taken a cab and yet you’ve said so much. I don’t qualify being called Mr. Nosy if you said shared all that yourself.”

I broke into a laugh.

The rest of the ride was spent in the sound of others chatting and the train moving around. When the next stop came around, I moved to gather my things. The man in front of me seemed like he was getting off too.

“Need some help?” he offered.

I took my back up and smiled, “I’m good; as I said, it’s not as heavy as it looks.”

He nodded and walked off. I followed, exiting the same way he did. As we went up back into the streets, he looked back at me, slightly making me feel conscious. Nonetheless, I walked on, and he apparently seemed to be heading the same direction as I was.

Once we both came to a stop at a stop light, the tall man placed his hands in his pockets and nodded. “I’m heading that way, Nosy jr.”

I chuckled, “I literally didn’t ask.”

“Exactly. But because I have a strong feeling we’ll be heading the same direction anyway, let me help you carry your bag, at least one of them.”

I huffed and looked at the street light. Well, judging by the suit he was wearing, I could say he was rich, but then again he could be a con man. However, my tiring arm was trying to get me to think otherwise.

“Okay, you can help,” I huffed as the pedestrian sign turned green, “but the moment you get to your destination give it back, ya hear?”

I waited for his reply and he smiled, nodding, “I hear.”

“Good.” I gave a breath and pulled my bag towards him. “Another thing… you know what happens to me if you run off with this?” I handed him the heavy bag of my supplies. He made a face at upon carrying it and looked at me like a liar. Perhaps it was lie that my bag was not as light as I made it to be, but then again, he could just be a wimp.

I disregarded his look and pursed my lips, “I die.”

The man turned from my bag, which he hung on his shoulder, to me. I continued on saying, “I will die if you run away with this. It’s literally all my last money in that bag, so I beg of you: don’t run away with it.”

We stared walking off.

If ever he did have any intention of robbing me, I guess I changed his mind because he walked slowly by my side. We talked to avoid awkwardness, but it was mostly about whatever we saw on the way.

By the time we were laughing about a pretzel stand with the funniest logo, the man stopped, causing me to turn to him, alerted.

I titled my head, “Tired?”

He shook his head with an airy chuckle, “No… it’s… my stop.”

I turned to the building and gasped.

W A Y N E E N T E R P R I S E S

My eyes widened. “No way… are—are you really Bruce Wayne?”

For some odd reason, he turned to his shoes and his cheeks turned red. “What gave it away?”

I raised my brows and shook my head profusely, “UH YOUR FACE?”

“Damn. And here I thought you didn’t know me.”

I scoffed out a chuckle and took my bag from him, “Funny. Everyone in the damn planet knows you, Mr. Wayne.”

“… I prefer Mr. Nosy, honestly. It’s my middle name, or so I’m told.”

I burst out into a fit of chuckles.

“Well, Mr. Nosy. Thanks for the help. I’ll be sure to testify next time someone says you’re a lousy, greedy businessman.”

For a moment, I regret saying the words I did, up until he laughed heartily.

“Oh, it’s fine. People will think what they will.”

I felt my cheeks turn burn.

I cleared my throat, “Well, it was nice meeting you. Oh, and uh, thanks,” I pulled my bag up and smiled.

“I’d say you’re welcome, but I didn’t catch your name.”

I pursed my lips and told him. He smiled and said a quick you’re welcome.

And that was that, I turned around, walked away, and went back to my studio, finishing a couple of designs I had.

My shop was dark and cold, and so was my desk. I looked at my sketch and felt tears well in my eyes. It wasn’t bad, I swear in the most non-arrogant voice ever, I knew my work was good. It was just really hard to get my work out there.

I sighed, in good time. It’ll be good in time.

Or will it.

“Why are you taking the subway?” a voice asked from behind me.

I turned to the man with the deep voice and smiled at the face I saw. “Mr. Nosy!"

His lips quirked upward, “Nosy jr. How do you do?”

I chuckled, “Oh, honestly, I’ve been amazing. I mean, I’ve had all these customers and I’ve been making so many clothes, it’s exhilarating!” I laughed loudly, quickly covering my mouth when I realized I was a tad too loud.

“That’s great,” Bruce Wayne smiles brightly, unlike any of the advertisements I've seen him in, “you’re not going to die now if you lose that bag?”

I chuckle, feeling my cheeks heat up at his words. “Actually, I wont anymore.” I smiled at him and he reciprocated. Then all at once, I realized something.

“Wait… did—did you help me out?”

The man knit his brows and tilted his head, “I don’t follow.”

I shoved his chest and growled lowly, “Please, don’t tell me the mulit-billionare is dumb.”

Bruce was taken by surprise of my actions and started bubbling out laughing. “Ah, and the short tailor is a violent bully. Cute.”

“Hey, you played dumb first!”

“Oh, and I bet you were just born a bully.”

I groaned, rolled my eyes, and crossed my arms. I looked at him expectantly, “Well?”

He smiled, turning away, “Well, actually, all I said was I was thinking about going to this up and coming tailor that was based somewhere near Wayne Enterprises. A couple of people did some snooping and now, here I am, going to that very place to have a suit done.”

My eyes widened, “W-wha-are you for real?”

Bruce shrugged, “Yeah. I didn’t mean for a bunch of other nosy people to get involved though. I could tell them to stop if you—“ “NO!” I blurted out, making the man laugh. I scoffed and clicked my tongue, “Sadist.”

“Hey, I’m just trying to not live up to the name you gave me.”

I give out an airy chuckle. “By the way, why are you on the subway? Aren’t you afraid your fangirls will throw themselves in front of you?”

He pursed his lips, “Actually, people tend to doubt my identity when I’m not in fancy places, and I was once told that, apparently, I was ugly up close. Weird, my mom always said I was handsome.”

I rolled my eyes and broke into laughter, “Okay, Mr. Nosy B. I-Fish-For-Compliments. You are definitely not ugly up close.”

He hummed, “Not ugly enough for you to go out to dinner with me.”

My breath caught in my throat and my eyes went wide. “I—“

He looked at me with a small smile. I turned to the window and nodded, “Sure. I guess I live through such an insufferable date.”

#dc #dc fanfic #batman fanfic #batman x reader #bruce wayne x reader #bruce wayne fluff #justice league #bruce wayne #batman #batman au #batman fluff #batman universe #genderless reader #batman x genderless reader #bruce wayne x genderless reader

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baileysayswhat · 5 years

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Well, it’s been a year. Truly. I haven’t blogged in a year! Not since my EPIK return to Korea (wink at y’all English teachers over there) for MinShik & Ara’s wedding.

And here those same people are celebrating their one year anniversary by having their first baby ON THAT DAY. That’s some Gattaca-level skill, I tell ya.

Lots has changed. LAWD. Yes. Grab yourself a low-carb snack because y’all about to get the deets.

Jobs

Two promotions at Grubhub and a sabbatical-turned-bowing-out at Titan Gym ALL IN THIS PAST ONE YEAR.

In January I became a Senior Sales Executive with Grubhub; it was a huge, out-of-the-blue honor and when I asked ‘what’s different than my current job?” my boss replied “Its what you’re already doing with the team, I’m just going to pay you for it.” How cool is that?!

Actual photo of said boss:

Seriously one of my favorite things in my career was in our first ever one on one development meeting last year (right *after* the Korea trip) the first thing I said was “I want you to know I’m in grad school for training and development and that’s what I want to do long term.”

His reply? “OK, let me hook you up with the right person who’s heading up training.” Literally the next week she got me in a classroom training new hires in a session 1x every 2 weeks. MONEY/MOUTH AND ALL THAT. When does that happen?!

And this past April when a new role opened up to become a sales trainer for new hires he recommended and she championed me for the role, which started May 1.

Y’all. I have never felt the Conan mantra of “If you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen” more. I joined Grubhub just to get a sales paycheck and have a regular schedule to pursue my passions and here this place that I thought would be a job I wasn’t going to put my heart into has given me such gifts. Managers that believe in me and CREATE JOBS that I wasn’t even aware of. I’m very blessed.

Now I’m the “Learning Solutions Associate” (ie. Non-Corporate Sales & Account Advisor Trainer) for all employees in those departments for Grubhub Inc. Nationwide. I’ve trained over 75 people in the last 5.5 months. That is bananas to me and I’m so grateful. All that in a year and a half at this company.

Because of that role shift and wrapping up grad school I knew that my time at Titan Gym was coming to a close. I have loved and sweated and bled and cried in that place – sometimes all at once – and I leave with so many good memories and relationships. I felt like I couldn’t be both throwing my heart (and fists) into learning & teaching Krav while also trying to originate a role at Grubhub.

So with a final rooftop drinking session and countless hugs I left (by choice) no longer an instructor at Titan Gym. I’m still a certified Krav Maga Level 1 Instructor through KMA and I know if I’m ever interested in getting back into it that Daniela and Ivo have my back. And if you need a place to kick ass, feel stronger or find mental toughness I will recommend Titan Gym to the moon and back again and again and again.

WHEW.

2. School

Yes, I finished my grad program at University of Wisconsin – Stout and now have my graduate certificate in Instructional Design. I need to frame that fancy piece of paper sometime soon.

3. Comedy

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE LAUGH SQUAD?! Oh man y’all. So last October in the week after I got back from Korea I auditioned for a ComedySportz House Team and was cast into the most perfect circle of weirdos by two insanely talented coaches who happened to have the exact same initials – HMS. So naturally our team name became “Pinafore” after the famous Gilbert & Sullivan comic opera ‘HMS Pinafore.’ I have still never to this day heard any music from it although I did briefly glance through the Wikipedia page.

No, I didn’t realize we were all serving fierce face. Or at least my genre of fierce face. Our team just had our final show on 10/6 and it has been a journey. I feel like I’ve grown with such a great team with depth and tears and joy. I have peed myself a little laughing so hard, which I can admit now that the team is done. I mean, I could have admitted it before but why BOTHER.

Truly I have loved the CSZ House Program; auditions for the next round are in November and I’m excited to see what the next group of people I get to fall in love with looks like!

Other things I’ve been blessed to yuk it up on/with: I got cast into a RIFF Music Improv camp which has had me perform 3x with a stone-cold group of short-form music improvisers that HAVE PIPES, y’all. Some of these people I’ve watched perform for years in music improv and it’s an honor to strap on a Britney mic and make up songs for an audience with them.

I’ve also done 2 seasons of MINt (Music Improv Night) at the Annoyance; such an open space to trying weird and beautiful things with music improv and our voices. If you’re looking for a community to fall in love with, the MINt crew is a good one. 4 teams every 4 months and you get such a wide range of experience, skills and strange, hilarious songs.

There’s been a few one-offs performing with friends’ groups and even a couple shows with some MI people I met in iO’s Music Program as an indie group named “AirBRB.”

I’m moving into a season when I’m not sure when my next show is; it’ll be light this next month, which is kind of a fun thing. I’ll miss it. But I think it’s healthy to have a breather and come back hungry, whenever the next show is. And you never know when someone might text you at 4pm about a show that night at 1030pm and you gotta be ready to make believe with the best!

4. Health

OOOOOHHHH fun. Let’s talk about it! Since last year when I got my Krav Maga instructor cert in July (shoutout to the 3am Protein Squad) I’ve let things slip a bit. And why not?! When you survive that kind of thing you deserve to let yourself chill. But…I didn’t really reign it in. I was doing ok; maintaining some cardio but I knew things needed to step up. I was getting a little burned out on Krav. Here’s my 7am face on the way to teach class:

I let myself write excuses and they added up. Once I was done punching/kicking regularly I did CrossFit for a few months – it was great and ya girl loves heavy weights – but the price was really high. Especially when I could be going out of town to our Phoenix office for work up to once a month, missing a week at a time. It was an expensive habit.

So I jumped back into going to LSAC (Lincoln Square Athletic Club) regularly – it’s been 3 weeks in and I’m kind of loving my schedule:

Mondays – Pole Class at Brass Ring (I KNOW) and it’s so fun. Such an empowering environment and an hour flies by. Its slow but I see progress! And thigh bruises.

Tuesdays – Workout at LSAC (trying to follow the schedule Brian (see Fridays) gave me the week before)

Wednesdays – Volleyball with friends at LPHS – y’all we had a double header last week and I burned 1,448 calories in 1 hour and 55 mins. WE WORKIN’.

Thursdays – Improv Day (aka rest and do some make believe in comedy class)

Fridays – Personal Training with Brian at LSAC

Saturdays – Yoga (at home right now using an Apple TV app but maybe at LSAC in the future)

Sundays – Intro to Olympic Weightlifting with Keith at LSAC (today was the first one; I did a 65lb bar snatch from shins to above my head! 9 times! Y’ALL! SHE BACK!)

Also I started attempting/doing a Keto & intermittent fasting on 10/1; it’s been a little rough but we’re getting into the groove of it. That first week, candidly, sucked. The low carb/Keto flu thing is for real. But now I’m used to it; the 12-8 fasting part is honestly not that hard now. Very manageable. It’s more the carb counting thing of keto that is taking slow (but progressive) shape.

5. The Rest

a. Photography

I know everyone has a camera in their smartphone – I’m doing some photography learning – I bought myself a Canon T6i DSLR last year RIGHT BEFORE starting grad school so I hid it in the closet from myself until school was done in May. I’ve taken some pictures I’m proud of and I’m working my way through a couple Lynda.com (grad school got me a free account) photography courses to learn the camera. I’m a student of it right now for sure but here’s a few photos I’m proud of:

b. Norway

I found out last year that I’m 1/8 Norweigan; that doesn’t sound like ‘a lot’ but honestly I’ve never really thought about it. I generally classify my heritage as ‘SPF 75’ but have always known our family is generally German with some crossover to other classically pale squads (Irish, probably English, other various tribes of roving wild-haired people on/around Hadrian’s wall, etc).

Last year in October someone posted in this Women of Chicago Comedy Facebook group I’m in about a Norwegian TV show that 1. Flies you to Norway and 2. You good-naturedly compete with other Norwegian-Americans to win $50,000. SO I APPLIED OF COURSE and got to ask my mom and grandparents questions over iMessage about my heritage. Apparently one of my great-grandmas was first-generation American, born in the US. Her parents both emigrated from Norway in the early 1900s to Washington State, near Ballard. So…if one of the 8 people that made me is full-blooded Norwegian…then by the power of Punnett Squares or whatever that means I’m 1/8 Norwegian, right?

ANYWAYS I did not get cast but I just realized they’re auditioning again so I’m going to throw ye olde application back in there. 1. Because it sounds fun and 2. Norway is GORGEOUS and 3. I did promise Neal Carlin that I would apply again. He’s gone in Italy doing an insanely cool apprenticeship so the least I can do is fill out info about my LIFE.

Our family doesn’t really do any celebrations of heritage. My great-grandma Harriman (she of the Norwegian blood) made lefse for Christmas, but I never really understood the connection as a kid. She passed when I was in high school and none of us kids ever learned to make it with her. Also, keep your traps shut but my real goal if I get on this show is to learn to make Fattigman cookies and then make them with my Nana for Christmas. KEEP MY SECRETS, INTERNET.

I think there’s a real beauty in appreciating where you came from and knowing you are a part of a legacy of choices – good ones, bad ones, ones that had to be made one way or another – and then choosing how you want your part of the story to be written. Sitting under the Northern lights and walking on glaciers would be a pretty jaw-dropping moment in life; 10/10 I’d be crying frozen little tears of joy. So we’ll see! I’m applying!

c. Travel

I’m going to DC in less than 2 weeks – I’ve never been to DC AND I haven’t seen David Brown in 4+ years in person. That’s bananas to me. I genuinely cannot believe that there’s not some time/space blanket fold that I jumped through because it CAN’T have been four years.

But the internet says it has. So myself, Bekah, Adam & Dana (plus maybe their dog Millie) are all meeting up with David in DC October 25-27 and I could SQUEAL I am so excited.

I went to Ohio in March just to see my loves Xander and Trace and get drag-ified myself. I learned that clip on earrings are the reason beauty = pain and that stick on nails are NOT for me. But I looked great.

d. Experiences

I saw my first Broadway shows in the past year – I don’t know what took me so long! I saw Hello Dolly, Book of Mormon, Hamilton. Les Mis, Falsettos – I WANT TO SING EVERYTHING.

I went to the Shedd Aquarium on Thanksgiving – it was BEAUTIFUL and uncrowded and my ticket was free – cue v v thankful.

I saw Conan O’Brien’s show in Chicago and met Aaron Bleyart, who’s blog(s) I have followed for over TEN YEARS.

Passed my Krav Level 3 student test and Muay Thai Level 2!

Survived the Polar Vortex in Chicago when it was over -20 degrees below zero. This is the *inside* of my windows.

My parents came to Chicago for Father’s Day! The umbrella is my Mom hiding from the camera as all 3 of us eat Chicago Dogs outside the Field Museum. Also, I went to the Field Museum.

I went to Arizona 3 times – February, May & August – for work and to visit family. What a cool, weird mix of colors. I saw the Grand Canyon and cried a little behind my sunglasses as my family pretended to not notice.

I saw a Seattle-based artist, SYML, who’s work I love not once but TWICE. Also saw Dean Lewis at the same concert and fell in love w his new album.

Saw a bajillion improv shows, learned which lipsticks look good on my skin tone and saw so many people I love.

What. A. Year.

More updates, more often, from this face:

A Blog I Pay For and Rarely Update: UPDATED! Well, it's been a year. Truly. I haven't blogged in a year! Not since my EPIK return to Korea (wink at y'all English teachers over there) for MinShik & Ara's wedding.

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archonreviews · 7 years

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The Archon’s Review of Supreme Commander

Supreme Commander is a real-time strategy game by Gas Powered Games and published by THQ. In the far-flung future, humanity has colonized space with the help of space portals (which can apparently be hacked, which presents a massive security risk, I should think, but nevermind that). This led to an era of peace and prosperity unseen by humanity ever before. During this time, an old, enterprising scientist named Dr. Gustaf Brackman fuses an artificial intelligence with a human brain (again, this presents a massive security hazard, but nevermind). The new, half-computer, half-human people are called “Symbionts”. This development spooks the Earth Empire’s bigwigs who hack the Symbionts and enslave them. Disgusted and not at all aroused, Brackman takes a corps of his loyal Symbionts and forms his own Cybran Nation with blackjack and hookers. Meanwhile, on a far off world, a human colony finds religion via an alien race called the Seraphim (in a surprising twist, it’s the Seraphim who’re presented with a security risk, rather than the humans). The Seraphim teach the colonists the way of “The Way”, shortly before being obliterated by the millenia-in-the-future equivalent of a Neo-Nazi, who really just could not stand that the other humans were finding a peaceful religion brought to them by a benevolent green people. Jokes on that asshole though, as the destruction of the Seraphim brings about the Aeon Illuminate, a sort of Knights Templar in space. After these two factions finish tearing up ye olde Earth Empire, it reforms itself into the United Earth Federation, because it’s always a federation, isn’t it? Can’t be a cadre, or a union, or a confederation, it’s got to be a federation if it’s in space, doesn’t it? Anyway, the three factions develop a cool mecha called the Armored Command Unit, or ACU, which can pull entire military bases out of their “mass”, and command entire armies of automated(?) tanks, boats, and planes. With the ACU, war becomes easy-peasy, so the three factions decide to have one for a thousand years, just for kicks. That’s where you come in. You take command of one of the three factions, hoping to end the Infinite War once and for all.

Hah, I thought the F/GO intro was long. Sorry mates.

So, I like real-time strategy games. I’d go so far as to say it’s one of my top two favorite genres of video game. Which makes the fact that I’m only now reviewing an RTS a somewhat criminal act of neglect. I was first tuned in to the Supreme Commander series when I was a teenager, playing Supreme Commander 2. Incidentally, this is also when I would learn about Steam’s DRM, when I was so used to just installing stuff from a CD. In any event, I found SC2 a lot of fun, once I figured out how to play the game properly. So, SC being on sale a while back, I decided to see if it lived up to the fond memories of it’s descendant. The short answer is, “Eeeehhh... Kinda?”

The game’s primary objective for a standard game is to destroy all of the enemies’ ACUs. In fact, the ACU is the most important unit for any player, as it represents the player themselves. In addition, the ACU builds your base before you gain access to Engineers. As far as objectives go, “regicide” is pretty straightforward, and given that all the other units are possibly automated, it makes sense. Sadly, the story campaigns decide to complicate things significantly.

This objection may be subjective, but I have a feeling it’s less subjective than I suspect. See, I’m used to an RTS presenting me with an overarching objective in each mission, flowering with optional objectives or minor complications as the mission progresses. Supreme Commander, however, does something slightly different. In the beginning of a campaign mission, you will be presented with a very simple, deceptively easy objective. Something like, “Kill these dudes we’ve essentially tied to posts for you,” or “Hey, see that building over there? Yeah, send your ACU over there and grab it for us, ya?” But then, once you’ve completed it, the map will expand to reveal a new objective. At this point, things’ll be okay, with only minor adjustments in strategy required. But then, it’ll expand the map again, and you’ll be faced with your final enemy... and usually a massive wave of enemy units that you couldn’t have known were coming on your first go-through. To add insult to injury, they’ll usually give you the ability to produce a unit that would help a lot, but with the wave of enemy dudes bearing down on you, you’d best hope that you’ve got adequate base defenses while you build your new units, otherwise, to paraphrase Richard III (or maybe Game of Thrones), things will go very hard for you.

The best way I found to deal with the game stringing you along like this is to develop a super economy mid-mission, and put off your objectives as long as you can. This strategy, however, presents two challenges: first, some objectives are timed. Second, and perhaps more annoyingly, is that as you procrastinate, a comms officer or a superior will occasionally complain at you for not completing your objectives. It’s kinda funny at first, but after a while, it sounds like a middle manager reminding you of a minor job-related obligation that nobody performs anyway. Anyone who’s ever had to push a credit card will know exactly what I mean.

^(Large robot friend building up my super economy. Also, my apologies for the console box in the corner, I had to change the screenshot button to the ` button, as the F12 button brought up an even more obtrusive thingie.)^

Now, it might sound like I’m ragging on the game, and to an extent I am. The game doesn’t seem to have too much of a player-base to battle against and I imagine single-player skirmishes can only be exciting a few dozen times. Most RTSes base much of their content on their story campaign, and indeed, that’s where I began, but while I didn’t much like the way the individual missions were formatted, the mechanics of the game itself were actually pretty fun! Building up a base with your big robot friend and then later, your little robot friends, is generally gratifying. Churning out a massive army of gunships and raining hellfire on your foes is quite entertaining. Watching stuff explode is almost as primordially engaging as a Michael Bay movie without the casual racism, sexism, poor acting, and poor screenwriting. Watching boats explode is a particularly fun thing, and this is coming from someone who is usually uneasy about commanding naval forces in RTSes.

That said, there are a couple more nitpicks, but these are some pretty big nits. First off, the pathfinding for ground units may be best argument for self-driving cars ever, ironically. When in formation, they will move the front line first, then the lines behind, until they’re all moving, instead of everyone moving at once. This can create major problems when you’re trying to roll out an attack force into an enemy base and their turrets just shoot down all your bots as they come. Otherwise, they tend to just move however they want to, which may interfere with your strategies, and it gets worse when you realize that the only way to get rid of enemy shields is to march your land units inside the shield and shoot at the generator from there, more or less necessitating the insipid groundlings. In fact, if it weren’t for shields, I probably would’ve relied solely on air and naval power, as air units don’t need to pathfind, and naval units don’t have any obstacles to get tripped up on and their range is long enough that even if they did, they could still perform their essential function, i.e. total boat obliteration.

^(It’s difficult to see, but on the left is a fleet of my submarines demolishing an enemy fleet on the right. Note the lack of physical obstacles. Note pictured: My joy at the destruction of my enemies.)^

Also, the tutorial is absolute bollocks in cheese. It’s basically a bunch of videos detailing basic concepts, and then they let you loose in an empty map with an ACU from each faction, and that’s your lot. This game is actually fairly complex, and an actual tutorial wouldn’t have been remiss.

The aesthetics are nice. Environments are pretty, if a bit sparse in places, and all the robots look pretty cool. Each factions’ units are distinct enough that you can tell friend from foe immediately; the UEF has this sort of “basic Earth unit” look to them, all blocky with lots of things on wheels and conventional design, the Cybrans are all spikes and doom fortresses (only somewhat ironic, as their goal of freeing all enslaved Symbionts is actually the most morally justifiable), and the Aeon design is half cathedrals-on-legs and half Space Alien(TM) aesthetic. When the game is being all wiz-bang-kaboom, it is indeed rad A.F, but the flipside to that is that I frequently got the disquieting feeling that I was doing something wrong somehow. Like because I wasn’t wiz-bang-kabooming all the time, I wasn’t playing properly. Or maybe the game’s marketing was a big fat liar; who knows?

(^What I expected vs...

what I got. I mean, there were shades of the first image, but the vast majority of my time was spent constructing like a hyperactive Mincraft player.)^

The music isn’t much to write home about. It’s alright, I guess.

The reason I believe the player-base is sparse is because looking up walkthroughs for this game was excessively difficult. There were no Steam guides except for those telling you how to get the game to work; which wasn’t a problem for me. The only GameFAQs walkthrough I could find was very light on actual details, preferring instead to provide me with information I probably could have figured out on my own. I finally had to find a Youtube playthrough; and incidentally, Ser “SergiuHellDragoonHQ”, if you happen to be reading this, it is generally considered bad form to periodically pop in with obtrusive demands that I subscribe in the form of extremely distracting low-res graphics. I was only there for a walkthrough on that particular mission, we’re not that close bruh. That said, you have my gratitude for your walkthrough, which taught me the “super economy strategy”, mentioned above. All of that said, it may just be that the player-base are super leet haxorz and therefore don’t require any walkthroughs.

^(The notes I took on SergiuHellDragoonHQ’s walkthrough. Note the rushed handwriting and Gudetama in the bottom left.)^

Ten slotte, SC is fun at it’s core, but the lack of a good tutorial and the frustrating and drag-out campaign format kinda kills it in places for me. I would recommend it mostly on the basis that the person I’m recommending it to would play with me so we can, as wise men have written, “git gud”. I’m probably not going to keep playing it, unless I start playing SC2 again and a major plot point comes up that necessitates me playing through the campaign of the original. As for social commentary... well, it’s actually remarkably progressive in places. The while the Earth president is a dude, and the main character is also a dude, the high commander of Earth’s armies is a woman with a badass battle scar; you know she’s seen some shit. In addition, the Aeon Illuminate are ruled by a Princess, and most, if not all of their commanders are women. So apparently the Infinite War is much more gender-equal than today times. That said, everyone appears to be white, although the cockpits of the Aeon commanders are poorly lit, and it looks like maybe there’s a Latina commander somewhere. So the lack of racial diversity’s a bit of a problem. Also, the Symbiont slavery thing has some pretty obvious parallels, and while it often isn’t mentioned by UEF commanders, the Cybrans will talk about it constantly. Almost like their primary objective is freeing a marginalized group of people from government enforced bondage. Almost creates a parallel to a certain real-world tragedy that was enforced by the government and resulted in a certain war that itself resulted, ostensibly, in a certain marginalized group of people being granted their freedom. That said, the parallel isn’t too clear-cut, and I didn’t get far enough into the campaign to see where it goes.

All in all, if you’re looking for a sci-fi strategy game, you could do worse than Supreme Commander, but I remember the sequel being better, so go play that maybe.

^(Pictured: The prelude to Wagner’s “Ride of the Valkyries”.)^

#archon reviews #video game #sci-fi #rts #real-time strategy #supreme commander #review

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