WELCOME TO TOXIC LOVER FM
hello there. yes, yes, you. tell me, are you feeling
L̻͓̿͗͐͟ O̫͗͒ N̸̓ Ĕ̷̴͍͢ L̦͆͘ Ỳ̺͕̗̘͒ͨ ?
you look tired of all this
ₗₒₙₑₗᵢₙₑₛₛ
why don't you go back to that person you swore you'd never see again? or send that text you've been typing and erasing for the past half an hour? or better, go and make them see you're the only one for them? and tune in to our TOXIC LOVER FM while you do it - after all, worst decisions need the best soundtrack.
WARNING - THIS STATION IS ONLY INTENDED FOR LISTENERS FOR 18 AND ABOVE
01. KILL BILL (FT. CHOSO)
꒰ you thought he really loved you, after all, didn’t you give him your all? choso kamo has a lot of nerve to leave you for another girl. you’ll just have to show him why you are his only one. ꒱ - nsfw - dark content. non-curse au, yandere!reader, dub-con, coercion, pegging
02. YOU RIGHT (FT. SUKUNA RYOMEN)
unlike your sweet boyfriend, yuuji itadori, his twin brother is personification of evil. when sukuna tries to seduce you pretending to be your partner, you see right through him - he didn't even attempt to do a good job. then if you know it's not yuuji, why are you leaning closer for a kiss? - non-curse au
03. MIND GAMES (FT. OSAMU DAZAI)
osamu dazai hates the idea of soulmates - why does he have to wait for the perfect partner when you’ve captured his heart, mind and soul? he just needs you to see you’re the one for him too. - soulmates au, yandere!dazai
04. ONE OF THE GIRLS (FT. SUGURU GETO)
when you bought tickets to see your favorite musician, suguru geto, the last thing you expected is to be called backstage. you would do anything for your personal god, right? - rockstar au
05. BREAK UP WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND, I'M BORED (FT. ITOSHI RIN)
he's famous, he's tall, he's rich, and he's so handsome. and that pretty little thing on his arm that calls herself his girlfriend will not stop you from tasting the flavor that is rin itoshi. - professional athlete rin
06. I WAS NEVER THERE (FT. KISHIBE)
he is not just a politician - kishibe is a family man, your every day citizen, neighbour and a friend. then why is he knuckles deep inside your pissy in the backseat of his Porsche? - no devils au, politician!kishibe
07. I FUCKING LUST YOU (FT. OLIVER AIKU)
what you and oliver have is a matter of convenience, neither of you want it to be anything more than that. yet seeing him with another woman drives you insane - college au
08. DADDY ISSUES (FT. TOJI FUSHIGURO)
you remember the very first time toji fushiguro walked through the doors of the brothel - all broad shoulders, handsome face and one hell of a cock, as it turns out. what you didn’t expect is to break the first rule of your job - don’t fall in love with your clients.
09. TEENAGE FEVER (FT. MEGUMI FUSHIGURO)
you know that your best friend is hopelessly in love with you, fact you've known since you were 16. you should have let him go instead of keeping him on a short leash for the nights when you feel especially alone. - no curses au
10. WOO (FT. SATORU GOJO)
it's taken him two years to stop dreaming about you, two more to find himself again and someone else to love, and on a fifth, he finally got engaged. satoru gojo thought that he is finally over the black hole that is you. his heart thinks otherwise when it shatters to pieces when he sees you at his own engagement party. - no curses au
TUNING OUT . . . UNTIL NEXT TIME
© rinniessance do not steal, plagiarize or translate my works. do not recommend me on tiktok, thank you
23 notes
·
View notes
part one here. ze part two to touch-starved stevie that absolutely no one requested hehe <3 but i gots to let my boys have a wee kiss :")
So, hugs with Eddie become… well, a thing.
Not a thing. They’re not a thing, Steve and Eddie. It’s totally the same as when he gets hugs from Robin. Eddie’s doing him a favour as a friend. It’s got the 100% platonic energy of getting a hug from a friend — a hug that usually melts into some form of a cuddle, limbs all tangled together until they can’t tell whose are whose.
Except, Steve doesn’t really do that second part with Robin. Like he hasn’t done it ever with Robin.
So, it’s an Eddie thing.
But they’re not a thing. Not matter how much Steve would actually very much like for that happen. Okay, maybe Steve’s overthinking the whole thing a bit, but he just can’t tell.
Where’s the line? It’s infuriating not being able to discern between platonic and more, just because Steve wasn’t held enough as a fucking baby. Out of all the things he resents his parents for, Steve’s surprised that this is so near the top.
Because, sure, Steve’s had more than his fair share of hookups. He knows that sort of touch. He knows the shape of lust; the scrapes of fingernails down backs, the tight grips over skin, the push and pull of the heat of the moment.
And this thing with Eddie… is not that.
So, really, Steve knows that it’s all friendly. Eddie is just being nice. He’s being a decent dude and helping his friend out — by catapulting himself into Steve’s arms at every opportune moment.
(Steve’s only dropped 3 mugs of coffee because of this so far. It’s only because Eddie says good catch, big boy with a devilish grin every time that Steve manages to catch Eddie that Steve hasn’t completely told him to knock it off. Just yet, at least.)
And he’s different in other areas. He’ll always seem to choose the seat next to Steve on movie-nights now, content to snuggle right up to him. They get thigh to thigh, arm to arm — and Eddie only needs to get about 20 minutes in for him to do a big sigh, like an old dog, and slump over, resting his head on Steve’s shoulder.
Steve notices though. He always notices.
It’s impossible not to— the skin, even if there’s 3 layers between them, burns blazing warm. Eddie’s hair drapes over his arm, a curl inevitably tickling along Steve’s collar. He can feel the rise and fall of Eddie’s breathing, the little shake of when he laughs.
It drives Steve a little insane— insane in the way that makes him think about burying his fingers in those curls again, about pressing his lips against Eddie’s pretty mouth just to feel the smile against his skin, about digging into his chest so he can climb into his chest and live there.
Yeah, it’s— well, it’s safe to say that the effect of Eddie’s touchiness has sent what was once a fleeting thought of a crush into mind-melting levels of affection.
But he can’t fucking tell.
-
To Steve’s credit, neither can Eddie.
Which is not surprisingly considering sometimes he catches himself wondering how the hell he ended up here; in a close-knit friendship with band-geek Robin Buckley, princess Nancy Wheeler, and King Steve Harrington.
Okay, the Robin one sort of makes sense. He thinks that if no matter when their paths crossed, he and Robin would’ve always even some sort of strange friends - her snark complimenting his bitchiness. Also, the whole super queer thing helps too. Even the friendship with Nancy works, in its own weird way.
Steve though? He’s the fucking curve ball.
It works though, the two of them. Surprisingly well, actually — the two of them get on like a house on fire, bitchy quips back and forth. Even better, is the quiet that they can share. Steve loves to come around and do… nothing. Do nothing with Eddie, though.
So, even though Eddie had noticed the tension in Steve with touch, little moments where he turned rigid when Eddie’s usual wandering hands got too comfortable — Eddie chalked it up to the usual. Guys bring too uncomfortable with him, too weird about another guy being touchy. It didn’t matter than Eddie wasn’t even out to Steve yet, he was still might be that type of guy.
Well, Eddie had certainly thought so. Sure, Steve might not be one of those jocks who smacked around boys who looked too long in the locker room, but if he knew a smidge of the truth, who really knows. It would explain the tenseness at least.
But then— ‘Can I… have a hug?’ There had been a dozen things Eddie was thinking that Steve could’ve asked for but that? Wasn’t even in the ballpark. It was so left-field it left Eddie speechless for a whole moment. And Steve had been staring at the ceiling, his hands curled up tight again like- like he thought Eddie might say no.
A ridiculous thought, honestly. Anyone who knew Eddie well enough knew he was touchy; loved giving it, loved getting it. Like an overly affectionate cat, Wayne had once called him, just 11 years old, because Eddie’s need for affection seem to never be sated.
After that night, Steve’s lack of touch became far more obvious. It’s always hair ruffles or high-fives, yet never hugs. Normally, Eddie would keep to that boundary; some people are less touchy other than others, he knows that.
But… “Sometimes I realise it’s been awhile, since I’ve had some touch.” That’s what Steve had said, his words. Eddie doesn’t even think he meant to say something so heartbreaking. In fact, the guy seemed embarrassed.
It had thrown Eddie for a loop— because Steve gets around. He’s nearly notorious for one-night stands and failed flings, as Robin loves to drone on about considering she’s subjected to all the flirting. What had originally been a point of envy for Eddie, just saturates the bleakness of Steve’s words. Sex but without a moment of intimacy.
So, while Eddie is miles away from being the person who gets into Steve’s pants — not for lack of want, mind you — he does try hike up the touchiness. Little things. Lingering when he taps him on the arm, hooking his chin over Steve’s shoulder to peer over it, leaning up against him when they’re side by side watching a film.
It’s good. It helps Eddie release the pressure of his stupid monumental god-awful crush he has. Yeah, yeah, it’s laughable, even to Eddie. It’s like Gay 101; don’t get crush on straight dudes, especially the ones you’re friends with. And yet…
Steve lets him. He lets Eddie give him touch, more than he lets anyone else. He still tenses; there’s still always a moment before he can remember to relax, like he’s trying to shake off bad thoughts but then he melts. He always melts into Eddie’s touch eventually — in a way Eddie knows Steve actually loves it, drinks it up as much as he can.
And maybe, Eddie is the biggest fool to grace the Earth to let that fact give him some hope. Sue his gooey heart, he’s a romantic. It’s a quiet hope but, it’s there.
Tonight, it seems relaxing for Steve is been harder than usual— several times has Eddie traced a quite long along Steve’s arms, a subtle point that they were far too tense for someone who was wrapped up in cuddles on the couch. ‘Cos that’s 100% what they are now. Eddie will still call them hugs, but usually, when it’s just the two of them, it becomes this.
Steve, tucked up into the corner of the couch, one leg flush along the back of the couch and one hanging off the edge. It’s the prime position for Eddie to crawl up, wind his arms around Steve’s middle and give him a good squeeze and then settle there. Head on Steve’s chest, lying in the cradle of his hips. Safe. Warm.
It makes him warm, oh very warm to know that he gets this. That Steve doesn’t give this amount of trust to many, if any, other people but Eddie — he trusts Eddie.
“Y’know,” Eddie says, cheeks smushed against the plain of Steve’s pec. It feels deliciously warm and Eddie’s fairly sure he can feel how toned it is just through his cheek. Hot bastard. “I’m actually real glad you asked for that hug all those weeks ago.”
He leaves it there ‘cos he knows Steve will ask. Eddie’s eyes stay on the buzzing tv-screen even as Steve’s head shifts, turning to peer down at the boy slumped on his chest. Eddie’s pretty sure he can see Steve’s mouth twitch up into a smile.
“Yeah?”
“Oh yeah,” Eddie affirms, giving a nod and his eyes flick up to meet Steve’s for just a moment. “Think I’ve had some of the best hugs in the world.”
Okay, that was maybe more honest and sappy than Eddie was going for. He is just letting Steve know he isn’t just doing it for Steve — that he enjoys these moments just as much. He lays it on thick, tries for a smarmy angle.
“Swept up in these pillowy arms?” He croons, giving Steve’s bicep a quick squeeze, making the other chuckle softly. “Who wouldn’t think so? I’m a lucky guy.”
Despite the joking tone, there’s no quick comeback from Steve. That’s alright. Eddie’s quite happy if this is one of the times Steve just takes the compliment; let’s the word sink in and hopefully, believes them, even if it’s just a little bit. He watches the film and doesn’t read into the silence.
Not even when Steve says, “Eddie?” all soft. Nearly shy sounding. It doesn’t quite register to Eddie’s ears.
“Mm?”
“Eddie.” Steve says again, a little firmer and that catches Eddie’s attention. He turns his head and rests his chin on Steve’s chest, his brows drawn together in silent question.
But the moment he makes eye contact, Steve’s doing that scrunched up face again. Is studying the ceiling instead of facing Eddie. And just like all those weeks ago, his hands clench up tight. Twists up the fabric of Eddie’s sweater in between his fingers and uses it to ground himself.
Last time, he asked for a hug. Considering he’s currently just about squishing Steve beneath his body weight, Eddie can’t fathom what he might be worked up to ask for. Unless he was going to ask for something more than a hug— which, well, just wasn’t going to happen, even if Eddie really wanted it to.
“Can I-” Steve starts. He sucks in a breath, almost like he’s gathering courage. But he’s not, because he’s not about to ask for what Eddie hopes for, he’s not, he’s—
Unless…?
“Can I… have a kiss?” Steve asks, barely audible. The sentence is murmured, soft words that hit Eddie like a gentle kiss in itself — imprinting right onto his heart. Steve Harrington wants a kiss — from him!
“Oh.” Eddie says, in a breathy delightful way. He’s fairly certain the little monkey in his brain is clapping its cymbals at double-speed as the words process; or maybe it’s his heart, which feels like it’s leapt up his throat.
“Oh?” Steve echoes, a smile already playing at the edges of his mouth, because he can see Eddie’s want. Because he knows him.
“Yes.” Eddie says suddenly, with a frantic nod, pushing up closer so their faces are aligned. “Yes, absolutely, you can.” He affirms.
Steve huffs a quiet laugh at the eagerness and then his arm that had been slung around Eddie shifts. It moves up til his hand caresses along the line of Eddie’s jaw, tilting him just how he likes.
Eddie holds his breath. Counts the freckles he can see this close. Tries to feel Steve’s heartbeat through where they’re pressed so closely together; can Steve feel his? Thundering and hurried, beating so hard Eddie thinks he might bruise the inside of his ribs.
Then Steve kisses him. And shit, Steve’s lip are better by ten-fold than every daydream Eddie’s ever had about them. They’re warm and so soft — plush and pressing against his own and Eddie is freezing. Fuck, wait, how does this go again? Right, Eddie’s never… well, kissed anybody before.
Steve pulls back and Eddie screws his eyes up — not ready in the slightest for the disappointment of his own shoddy kissing skills. Fuck, did he really just freeze? Steve — Steve Harrington — asks for a kiss and Eddie decides to stab himself in the back by not figuring out how to fuck to kiss back.
“You call that a kiss?” Steve teases and Eddie’s well aware of the parallel — of the irony of Steve repeating his own words back at him. But he can’t make himself laugh even though it’s funny. Instead, a little groan wiggles out his throat.
“I’m sorry,” Eddie says, earnest. He forces his eyes opens — he needs to see what’s Steve’s thinking. Where he’s expecting disappointment or perhaps regret, is only patience. Maybe a touch of concern. Eddie continues, despite the humiliation that makes his throat sticky.
“I haven’t- I don’t do this often.” He coughs awkwardly clearing his throat and hoping it hides the next word. “Ever.”
There’s a jump in Steve’s eyebrows, a moment of surprise in his eyes that lets him know he did, indeed, hear that final word. It makes Eddie feel… well, it’s nice that Steve had expected him to have been kissed by now. Even if he hasn’t. He tries to take it as a compliment.
“That’s okay,” Steve assures. Absentmindedly, his thumb rubs soothing along Eddie’s jaw. It makes Eddie shiver, some outrageous amount of joy clawing into every nerve. Steve likes Eddie. He wants to kiss Eddie.
“Do you want to try again?”
Eddie nods before the questions even out of his mouth. Steve smiles, all sunshine. This time when he draws Eddie in, he notices the way Eddie holds his breath — the rigidness in his body.
Steve kisses him again, another short and soft one and then whispers against his lips, “Relax.”
‘Cos isn’t tonight just full of the parallels, Eddie thinks. He listens, tries to focus on how sweet Steve’s kiss is than his panicky heart, forcing out a breath between the kisses. His hands along Steve’s sides find a grip, grounding and good, and by the fourth kiss, he begins to feel a bit melty.
It’s good. It’s really good. Kissing Steve is top 5– nay, the top moment of his life so far. Somehow, it’s made all that much better knowing the build-up behind it. Knowing that Steve knows he isn’t just kissing him for a heat of the moment — that Eddie wants kisses here, kisses before bed, in the morning, on dates. Eddie wants Steve.
And with the way he kisses, Eddie’s pretty sure Steve wants him just as bad.
It doesn’t take long for Steve to reach what Eddie decides is an ultra pretty fuckin’ state; lips swollen from kisses, cheeks flushed, hair a little mussed up. He bets he looks no better. The thought makes him grin, enough they have to break the kiss ‘cos Eddie can’t stop his stupid happy grin ‘cos shit— he actually gets to have this Steve.
“What?” Steve asks, somehow half heart-eyed and half suspicious at the mischief in Eddie’s eyes.
“Can I... have a hickie?”
now with a part three !
5K notes
·
View notes
Anyway I wanna talk about hands in Finnegrin’s Wake
This is not my last or even my deepest meta dive on the episode by any means but I’m a bitch who appreciates consistent symbolism and the Hand Motif is on fire this episode so like, let’s talk about it.
The first thing to establish is the (understandable) importance of hands in Callum’s mage arc, given that you draw runes with your hands and hold magical objects, etc. This is in line with primal magic yes
but also with dark magic, highlighted explicitly in S4.
By being tied to primal / Sky magic, Callum’s hands (and ability to use them to help his friends, do magic, etc) is tied to freedom. This is also linked to chains/bondage with Rayla’s wrist binding and dark magic, metaphorically, for Callum. So it makes sense that 5x08, an episode that is very much about primal and dark magic and subsequent themes of freedom vs control is likewise obsessed with this hand motif.
However, I want to talk about Rayla, and Callum, and how the hand motif, dark magic use, and Callum’s connection to the Ocean arcanum are set up this season. Briefly on the last one (that can be a meta on its own I want to dive into, pun intended, in tandem with adding S4′s development to it) because post for another day, but I think it’s worthwhile to mention.
For starters, there’s Finnegrin having a direct callback to Callum’s line from 5x04 with Rayla (which is also being paralleled to Viren and Claudia’s “I’ll do anything” in 5x03 an episode prior). And with Callum’s hand clasped over his wrist, foreshadowing the ‘anything’ he’ll do will be to literally undo his chains (and to metaphorically take some on) in order to save Rayla by the end of the episode.
But we see Callum repeat this “wrist rubbing” motion a few times this episode (pin in it for later) in addition to the repeated emphasis in S5 with Callum always being the one to reach for / take Rayla’s hand. Although she and Callum are undoubtedly in a much better place than they were in S4 in repairing their relationship, Rayla still initiates almost zero contact with him across the course of S4 and S5 (grabbing his elbow and wiping his drool away when he’s asleep in 4x03; placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder in 4x09; resting her head on his shoulder in 5x02; touching his face in 5x08 to provide comfort).
This is a far cry from how touchy-feely she is with him in Arc 1, initiating much more contact than he does, but in S4 and S5 we see this switch around; almost anytime they’re being physically affectionate, Callum is the one initiating.
However, one thing hasn’t changed, and it’s that Callum is almost always the one, across seasons, to initiate handholds (3x01 and the back half of S3 once they’re a couple being the exceptions). And S4 (4x09) and S5 are no exception.
Okay, great, he holds her hand. So what? Well...
In 5x08, Callum does dark magic again outright and connects to the Ocean arcanum primarily out of love for her. As confirmed by the writers on twitter, Callum had to accept exactly what he says in 5x08 about the ocean - that it’s about unfathomable depths, embracing the unknown (even or especially when it scares you) and accepting that there are things you can’t control. And the lack of answers about Rayla’s whereabouts, “I don’t know how to feel about Rayla either,” and “I have to go after him” “I know” helped pave the way for Callum to reach those conclusions in 5x01 and 5x08 alike: “To love is to simply know this: the tides are true as the ocean is deep.” And that realization included accepting that he’d done dark magic (and would do dark magic) to protect her.
So it’s not surprising, therefore, that while connecting to the Ocean arcanum, Callum looks at his hand, and rubs the same wrist as before, almost like he’s mimicking the crushing motion he would’ve done with the slug.
Or indeed that it’s a gesture Viren does in his dark magic induced dreams, and during Callum’s arcanum speech, either, if inversed.
Callum is accepting that the depths he can’t see, his “I would do anything for you” promises and inclinations, are a (dark) path he can’t entirely see and understand, but something he knows lives inside him, and has for a long time: “But not everything’s changed.”
Darkness equals dark magic equals chains, and Callum has enough self awareness (that Viren did not) to know more so of what he’s walking into, and that’s precisely why it scares him. Why, by the end of 5x08, even as it’s revealed how he got his chains off, it’s clear they’re not gone. Not really. Not to him. Especially considering now he knows exactly where dark magic leads in ways he didn’t before in 2x07: Aaravos. (“As long as we protect each other, as long as we love each other, you can never control us” and now Callum knows that isn’t necessarily true, because he gave up the info to Finnegrin, and he willingly took another step down a dangerous path.)
Which is why I love that Rayla is the one to reach for him, to gently touch his shoulder and then his face and pull him into a hug. And I love the way Callum hesitates to place his hands - powerful, ‘tainted,’ chained - around her like another link in said chain, so different and yet so similar from their hug in 2x04 about a lack of magic, and now having arguably too much. And all of it - the dark magic use, the metaphorical and literal chains, the devotional key of the Ocean arcanum, the hands - synonymous with his love for Rayla.
185 notes
·
View notes