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july-19th-club · 2 years

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Recap for Roswell: New Mexico S2E11: “Linger”: hammer to fall

4.5/5 ⭐s

Some chapters are about what’s right in front of your face, some are actually about what’s not there at all, and some are about both. There are a lot of elephants in a lot of rooms on Roswell: New Mexico right now, but some of the rooms, to extend this metaphor as far as I can, are harder to access than others.

Alex, for example, is conspicuous in his absence for the entire forty-two minutes, though it only takes Michael about one to realize he’s not at some recruitment gig. On the one hand, he’s in serious life-threatening danger (we didn’t see the flash of light that heralds the Cam/Mimi-pattern abductions, just some guy hitting him and stuffing him in the trunk of a car)...on the other hand, at least he’s not telling teenagers how they can advance their careers by getting themselves and others into serious life-threatening danger for the United States Air Force? Really a tossup on that one.

Usually it’s Max we see engaging in cowboy cop levels of outsized violence and rage, but that was also mostly before he was (mostly) focusing on being heart healthy. And lest we forget the cowboy part of that phrase, Michael (who would be deeply insulted if you compared him to a cop) is fulfilling the “whaling on people until you feel better” role this week. Michael has always been the first sibling to say “dude, let’s just torture them!” - but because he was Michael, he never actually acted on it. I’m cool with him breaking and doing it now, because the performance is so full of fear, and because I don’t know that I’ve often seen the roaring rampage of protection in a gay way much before. And as everybody knows, tropes that are tired or irritating in a straight setting become fresh, new, and original if you queer ‘em up a bit.

He spends most of his episode doggedly Hardy Boy-ing the Case of the Missing Bosom Chum - like that the napkin in the alien script is newer than they were led to believe (a clue I appreciated in that the audience can pick up on it first, if they’re paying attention (I wasn’t)) and planted specifically to give Alex a reason to try the artifact plan Michael had such misgivings about. Jesse attempts to head him off by claiming that he, too, has been looking for and worried about Alex, and I don’t know who the fuck he thinks he’s talking to, though Michael is freaked out enough at this point to consider that maybe this time they have a shared goal. He tails Jesse to a meeting with Flint, who gives away way too much information when he thinks he’s speaking freely.

It seems (though I revert to my old Manes adage; namely that they are always potentially lying) that there are two kidnapping schemes happening here - Jesse kidnapped him first, but truly doesn’t know where he is because Flint has had the exact same idea and kidnapped his brother from his dad when his dad wasn’t looking. If all this sounds convoluted...well, yes. For Jesse, Alex is a “loose end” (Michael, probably correctly, suggests he was planning on killing him), but Flint’s plans are more nebulous and it’s hard to tell just how much he exactly wants his brother dead. Watching all this, I immediately began to formulate a theory that Jesse is orchestrating the whole thing with Flint as a convenient next lead to get Michael off his tail. But before we find out if I’m right, we take a few long-time-coming minutes to deal with some unfinished business.

Forgive an old heller their vices, but I call ‘em how I see ‘em, and we are on the CW, after all: Michael gets to do his Dean Winchester best and scream homoerotically at a personification of christian authority. This catharsis isn’t just for him, and the ten years of pain and loss he suffered at this man’s hands. It’s also for Alex, and the lifetime of trauma endured both before and after his father’s influence sent him to war. Alex always views that as a decision he personally made, and he’s correct: but Michael, not being Alex, is able to look at the source of the decision and want to punish it. He won’t kill him, though - he’s working on not doing the easy thing. He finds it infinitely harder to think like Alex, to try without evidence to have a faith or a compassion for people, but to prove him right...he spares the rod. Here’s hoping that act of mercy doesn’t put both of them in greater danger.

Michael’s thread is, however, actually one of the shorter ones (not that you’d know from how much I’ve already written about it). In the rest of the episode, we’re back to the many-plates-spinning structure the show loves best, which is not my personal cup of tea all the time, but it functions well here. In Thread B, Izzy visits Rosa, bearing sketchbooks and Arturo’s pan dulces. I’ve become deeply fond of the bickering kinship Isobel and Rosa have, against all odds, forged - although their teenage connection was never as real as either of them thought it would be, they still came away from it caring about each other. And I also love how, whenever they hang out, Isobel is a full foot taller than Rosa. Izzy wants to talk about their Noah trauma and maybe some of their regular trauma too, and Rosa’s in a stable enough place that she agrees they can try.

Their day of commiseration and sketchbook archaeology is cut short, however, when Rosa decides to try and call her mom - for closure? to torment herself? - and instead gets Helena’s boyfriend Dirk, who has no idea where Helena is. A reluctant Isobel agrees to drive Rosa back home, since Rosa now believes her mother might be another abduction victim. But they (and we, so far) don’t know the half of it.

In Thread C, Liz and Diego have been juggling experiments, immigration officials (they have to quickly scoot Javi the line cook out the back), and CrashCon hours at the diner. We see a flashback to their time as a couple, celebrating a big grant Liz has just scored - she’s happy, he’s proud, and she starts crying just thinking about what her somewhat-trapped-feeling teenage self would’ve thought “knowing that the person I am now existed.” Jeanine Mason always plays these moments quiet reflective moments beautifully, and then we flash back to the present, where she’s using the mixer at the diner as a makeshift centrifuge because it’s tourist season and there’s work to do and burgers to fry and lately she’s been remembering what that hemmed-in feeling is actually like. They have another version of an old fight: he works for a company called Genoryx, and she’s always maintained that they’re too shady to risk being funded by. For the record, she’s probably right: there’s no way they’re not plot-related, this is television.

And in Thread D, Kyle and Max snoop around town trying to get a better understanding of Max’s abduction sleuthing. Kyle’s mostly there (in full drunk and bitchy Kyle mode) because all of their equipment-theft has finally been noticed and he’s suspended at work. Here their investigation dovetails with Michael’s, thinking that Flint The Weapons Specialist might have some kind of lead on the memory-scrambling drug (which they figure could easily be classified as a weapon - you could use it to confuse soldiers’ experiences, to keep them from revealing sensitive information). While they’re doing a spot of B&E in his house, they find a lot of potentially incriminating stuff, including what Max believes to be a gun he spotted during his and Charlie’s rescue-Cam mission...and the box Arturo kept his mother’s ring in, last seen with Helena. Looks like Rosa was right to be worried.

Max tries to offer good advice and be the healthy partner in this little buddy-detective venture, but one of his suggestions - that they go pick up the unused equipment from their abandoned lab and return it to the hospital - almost comes back to bite him. The lab, as we know, isn’t abandoned, and Liz is using the equipment, and poor dopey Max puts this together when Kyle realizes he no longer has door access.

No matter how supportive he tries to be about Liz’s whole thing, her job makes him incredibly skittish and he feels like she’s been running around behind his back (because she has) doing things that will expose him and his siblings (not her intention, but still very possible). She’s sick of the slow path, and has decided to use her alien biology knowledge to develop a treatment for Steph. The fight is inevitable, and even harder to take back than the Michael-Alex fight last episode. And yes, part of it is about Max’s insecurities re: Diego, who has no fears about Liz’s work and is always eager to help do weird science with her. It’s a part of her life Max doesn’t understand and doesn’t really trust, and it remains to be seen whether they can get past it in two episodes. And then they find a note pinned to Michael’s trailer...

Back in Thread A, Michael catches up with Flint (whose name will never stop being funny to me, it’s like Jesse watched Black Sails thirty years before it came out and came to the exact incorrect conclusions about every single character). He spares none of the mercy he reserved for Jesse, and Flint never really has a chance against him anyway; we get to see the kind of usefulness finely-tuned telekinesis can actually have a lot in this episode. Michael never seems to think it’s worth it to explore his siblings’ specialties - and when his is so handy and so low on the side effects, why should he? Without even having to work at it, he chases Flint down, steals his gun, and flings him around a bit before presumably levitating him into the bunker to yell at him.

But Flint has the upper hand when it comes to interrogation scenarios. He’s smug the whole time, and Michael is not military-trained and does not actually know how or when interrogations work versus how or why they fail, and is highly emotional and more or less winging it. It’s his prisoner who winds up giving him an ultimatum: do what I say or Alex’s life is forfeit. What he finds, on Flint’s orders, is someone even I was not anticipating having any active connection with the plot - at least this part of the plot. It’s the one and only Hurricane Helena Ortecho, brandishing another alien power dampener and a set of schematics for, given all the clues we’ve amassed this season, a biobomb combining Charlie’s DNA work and Michael’s alien mechanical knowledge. But what the fuck is she doing here?

REGENERATED WORMS

Liz: “Oooh, we should get you a boyfriend!” Max: “Or a girlfriend! Or a *rather proud for knowing the Gay Words face* nonbinary intimate companion :)” Iz: “Great job, Dad.”

Diego really is a very likable guy. He sticks around in town to make sure he’ll be able to do something if ICE are still breathing down their necks; he helps out in the kitchen; he’s understanding about his and his fiance’s breakup to the point where he’s still very excited to help her with her research; he’s a veritable Adonis...surely there has to be some kind of catch, but until we find it I’m happy to just bask in him. And so is Isobel. And so is every other vaguely single person in town.

A reviewer I read during the first season said that Jesse’s main purpose on the series is to get his ass kicked. They were cool with this, and you know what? I am too. We love to see it.

If ever there was a time to use the song ‘Evil’ used in its natural habitat: the scene where the kid Jesse mutilated a dozen years ago has actual power over him and he realizes he should’ve been waitin’ on the other shoe to drop. I’ve always found this song’s function as Michael’s unofficial theme ironic and slightly mean-spirited, given the fact that he (a former abused kid) gets a track with the line ‘hit my kids when I don’t mean to’. Watching Michael refuse to keep the cycle going with that track in the scene would’ve been killer.

“He still loves. He even loves you.” Delivery - really, speech - of the episode to Michael V. this week, one hundred percent.

“I wanna be...less angry.” “Anger’s not so bad. It reminds us that something’s not right, so we can change it.” Liz is a woman, and she’s the daughter of undocumented immigrants, and she’s poor - but she’s not Black. Diego is, but he’s also wealthy and connected, clearly relishing (as he should!) using his leverage to stick it to the man. But wealth and connections also are the man, so to speak, which seems to be part of the crux of the incompatible part of him and Liz. There are some understandings they can share, and some they can’t. Everything's intersectional.

#the only reason i didnt give this episode a 5 is because i really withold my 5s #it gets 4.5 because there's not a thing wrong with it but it is still a setup episode so it's not as impactful as if it were very pivotal #roswell nm

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whatiwillsay · 3 years

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t 2017 playlist analysis

Alright folks, whether you’re newly indoctrinated in the swiftgron faith, or have been here for a while, buckle up because boy is there crack coming your way. It should be important to note that these are of course reaches and should be taken with a grain/pound of salt. What you’re about to read is a lyrical analysis of a playlist made by Dianna on her private spotify, titled ‘t 2017.’ Therefore, the only real ‘evidence’ we have to make connections lies in the lyrics, and the general vibe of the playlist.

The following lyrical analyses stems from the idea that Taylor and Dianna may, and I strongly say may have hooked up, possibly around late 2016, or early 2017 (right when this playlist was made). If you haven’t already, I highly suggest reading Cam’s Swiftgron timeline that she has meticulously and laboriously outlined for all of us, so you have more background knowledge on any reaches/connections made. Also listen to her pod for extra serotonin cause I know you bitches want it. Anyway, I digress– I’ll be pointing out only the songs/lyrics that I think are most relevant (and to make this post shorter, I apologize in advance) but I urge y’all to take a look at each songs’ lyrics to see for yourself, because some of these songs seem loud af. Ok happy reading!

Genesis- Grimes

My heart, I never feel I never see I never know Oh, heart And then it falls And then I fall And then I know

This verse talks about the unpredictable nature of love, you never know when those feelings could come rushing in, and there could be days when you feel like you’re never going to love again– gives me cowboy like me vibes with that particular sentiment.

Home and I know Playing the deck above It’s always different I am the one in love

Ok I don’t think this one needs any explanation other than tis the damn season.

1998- Chet Faker

We used to be friends We used to be inner circle I don’t understand What have I become to you

This verse is giving me major the 1 vibes– “rosé flowing with your chosen family” kinda thing. Relationships (yes, even hookups) are hard, especially when you go from knowing someone like the back of your hand, to a being a mere memory. It’s even harder when you run in the same social circles and are bound to bump into each other. What are you to do with all those unresolved emotions/lack of closure? I just find this a bit funny because two years later at SNL, Dianna is actually considered Taylor’s ‘inner circle’ at the afterparty.

Drops- Jungle

When you’re so high, you When you fall from the sky, you So come down from the clouds Come down on me

I’ve been loving you too long

This song sort of encapsulates the feeling of love that is intoxicating, one might even say addicting. In that sense, I’m getting major Style vibes, in that they keep coming back to each other because of that high and intoxicated love. More than anything, this verse reminds me of Clean, and of course Dianna’s infamous tweet, “withdrawals…clearly we had fun” (see Cam’s swiftgron masterpost/timeline for receipts).

Ritual Union- Little Dragon

Straight off the bat, this song gives off major infidelity vibes (something Taylor has been obsessed with as evidenced by Evermore, and of course Babe which btw had a lot of social media signalling/shenanginas happening in 2017/2018). Perhaps Winston was the cuck after all and we did get a swiftgron hookup?

Ritual union’s got me in trouble again I was wonderin’ of a white dress And the mistress And a spirit holding my hand!

You do the math with that one– ivy anyone?

Daniel- Bat For Lashes

Daniel when I first saw you I knew that you had a flame in your heart And under our blue skies Marble movie skies I found a home in your eyes We’ll never be apart

I only have two words to explain this verse– Begin Again

But in a goodbye bed With my arms around your neck Into our love the tears crept Just catch in the eye of the storm

With this verse in particular, there’s this sense of a heartbreaking parting of ways in a relationship. It feels eerily similar to This Love– “your kiss, my cheek, I watched you leave.” There’s also a mention of a storm, and we all love a good old storm in the swiftgron universe (Clean, DBATC, CIWYW).

Can’t Do Without You- Caribou

I swear to god these are the only two lyrics

Can’t do without

I can’t do without you

Make of that what you will.

Touch- Shura

This was the song that had me fully convinced that swiftrgon might’ve hooked up again in the recent past. It’s so fucking loud and I did audibly gasp when I read these lyrics. I’m so tempted to post the entire song because honestly every lyric fits their narrative almost to a t, but I’ll try putting the loudest lyrics here.

There’s a love between us still But something’s changed and I don’t know why And all I wanna do is go home with you But I know I’m out of my mind

This love is good, this love is bad. This slope is treacherous, I like it. If the hookup did happen, it’s clear that it’s a bit hard to just pick up immediately from where you left off. Of course there’s still a lot of love there, it just takes time for those years to melt away.

I wanna touch you but I’m too late I wanna touch you but there’s history I can’t believe that it’s been three years Now when I see you, it’s so bittersweet

Ok this is basically swiftgron’s story right here, I mean come on?!?

I’m running down a dream like Tom Petty, I’m a heartbreaker But then you changed up a relationship, I’m mostly bankrupt There’s a new kid on your block, I gotta hang tough

Cowboy like me anyone?

Yeah, the effect of touch hands is like a miracle How is it you’re halfway across the world when I’m still feeling you? Just a touch of my love, just a little bit Ain’t no love without trust, we gotta deal with this

Gives me treacherous and wonderland vibes– “I’ll do anything you say if you say it with your hands” and “you searched the world for something else to make you feel like what we had.”

iT- Christine and the Queens

I feel like this song gives off major Reputation vibes– controlling your narrative/ ridiculing what other people thought you were, etc.

With it I become the death Dickinson feared With it I’m the red admiral on his ship And I raise with infants for my coronation I’ve ruled over my all my dead impersonations

‘Cause I’ve got it I’m a man now

Sunday Love- Bat For Lashes

This is a literal weekend hookup anthem (major tis the damn season vibes) and is also one of the other songs that convinced me of the swiftgron hookup. Again, please look at all the lyrics and deduce for yourself and freak out like I did, but I’m putting the loudest lyrics down.

See her in blue eyes Numb and shining In the face of strangers In the city lights Where he’s climbing Cupid’s diving And I know that she’s come To spend the night

She is in my bedroom Now I can’t fight

Blue eyed lady coming to your house to fuck you. Ok Dianna, real subtle with that. I’m joking but I snorted when I saw this lyric.

I see her in every place I go Sunday love is so cold Even though I’m falling apart I want Sunday love in my heart

You could call me babe for the weekend cause it’s the damn season. Also “I see you everywhere the only thing we share is this small town.”

Sweet Talk- Jessie Ware

There’s never any doubts when i need you It’s just that you can always make me feel like I am slipping in way too deep And let the shadows hope to hide or break the dreaming, dreaming of us

The vibe of this song is that there’s someone who always pulls you in because they know exactly what to say. They found wonderland and got lost in it.

Dear To Me- Electric Guest

When it’s bad Feels like I don’t know which way I should go But over time I come back and remember The one thing that I know

You’re dear to me and I know

I know I’ve tied so many songs to ttds, but I guess it’s all the more reason to claim that one for swiftgron nation? This verse reminds me of “the road not taken looks real good now, and it always leads to you and my hometown.”

Got It Bad- Leisure

This song was added much later to the playlist on Taylor’s birthday in 2019. All other songs were added early feb of 2017. With this song, I don’t get much except cowboy like me vibes.

Got our different ways with the same old payout Had our own dreams with the same old outcome Had a bad extreme and the same old break down Worked it to the bone with the same old habit

Et voila, that’s the end! I know this was super long so thanks for sticking through. Again please note that these reaches were made because we are a little biased through a swiftgron lens. It’s very possible that Dianna simply likes these songs and put it on a playlist, but let’s be real, gays practically communicate through spotify. This is not fact and not proof for anyone to hound Dianna or invade in her or Taylor’s personal life, this is just for swiftgron fun. That said, I’m personally inclined to believe that something did happen between Taylor and Dianna in 2017 possibly. That’s all I have to say, thanks!

submission⬆️⬆️⬆️

ANON THIS WAS AMAZING YOU JUST MADE MY MORNING!!!

you should make a gaylor blog if you don’t have one already we NEED more of this content!

#swiftgron #gaylor swift #t 2017 playlist #best of #submission

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hopevalley · 3 years

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Season 8, Episode 1: Open Season

Work was busier than expected on Monday, but the deep dive into the first episode of S8 begins now!

Scene 1: Narration, Elizabeth and Nathan, Lucas

The awkwardness between Elizabeth and Nathan was...palpable at first lol.The best part about the non-narrated part of the scene is twofold: Nathan interacting with Jack is a well-needed and very nice touch, and of course it’s always nice to see that Nathan is patient concerning Elizabeth’s situation and reassures her that she can let him know when she’s ready to go to dinner with him.

My problem with the whole thing is that...if she hasn’t spoken up about wanting that dinner date yet, and she’s not saying yes she’d like to get dinner with you now, it’s like...any sane person would assume at this point in the story that Elizabeth isn’t interested in Nathan. Worse, Nathan isn’t the kind of man who wouldn’t take a hint. I’m pretty sure this is why the opening scene felt just a little bit off. I think they ought to have let Elizabeth be a little more enthusiastic about the idea while still failing to commit to it.

To be fair to the writers, I can’t imagine it was easy for them to figure out how to open this season after such a long time gap. They let a whole winter elapse between last season and this one. How do you explain literally no major development with the love triangle in that amount of time? Especially after the way the last season ended?

Random consideration: the camera focuses on Elizabeth’s face a lot and makes her wedding ring clearly visible.

Boom, the flashback with Lucas. I think having him leave out of jealousy was a better idea than having his mother fall ill (we’ve certainly seen that enough at this point), and maybe we should also consider the fact that while Lucas was gone, Nathan didn’t really jump on the opportunity to woo Elizabeth himself.

I wonder if we’ll get an explanation for that or not. What makes Lucas so sure that after 4+ months, Elizabeth hasn’t started courting Nathan? Maybe he kept in touch with someone in town? Or he just knows Elizabeth well enough to know she wouldn’t feel quite ready to commit in that time frame anyway?

I did really like Lucas’s opening scene with Elizabeth. Honestly, he was quite likable, here: admitting he was wrong, admitting his shortcomings, apologizing. All good things. “I’m ashamed I let my jealousy get the best of me... The worst of me.” That’s such a good line.

It didn’t feel equal in enthusiasm to the Nathan scene, but I’ll have more thoughts on that later. I do believe it was on purpose.

Scene 2: Clara and Jesse’s Fight, The Café

I like the concept of some marital discord for Clara and Jesse. Marriage is easier said than done and like any serious relationship, it’s a lot of consistent maintenance. It starts out pretty well, with Jesse sleeping in the other bedroom. At this point I fully expected to find out Clara kicks in her sleep or she snores a lot or something that’s funny to hear about but really difficult to actually deal with in real life. Color me disappointed later, but I’ll get to it.

Scene 3: The Mercantile, Ned, Florence, Carson

This just set up things with Faith’s situation so there’s not much to say, but as always I do love Florence. I hope she gets some good scenes this season. And I love Ned so I hope the same for him.

Henry coming in to mail a letter was interesting, though. I’m not sure it’ll mean anything in particular later, but...it’s possible. Then again, maybe he’s just here to set our expectations regarding Faith’s return (of course it’s a long trip from Chicago) or Carson’s worry (a bit unreasonable unless he expected to hear from her at a specific stop).

Scene 4: Nathan, Dylan

Dylan is such an incredible scumbag. The spurs were a nice touch. He says things almost fondly (“She’s growing up... My little girl.”) and then wants nothing to actually do with Allie.

The guy’s actually a pretty good actor. The way he segues into being glad for Allie’s sake that Nathan wasn’t the one killed. If the next words out of his mouth weren’t a demand for go-away money you’d almost feel those words were genuine!

Scene 5: Lee and Rosemary’s Return + Faith’s Return + Dylan Part Two

Lots of energy in this scene, both good and bad. I always appreciate what Lee and Rosemary bring to the show. I genuinely just don’t care that much about Faith. I’m ready to ship her with Cowboy Brett Brewer. He gets a name, which makes me wonder if he’s gonna show up again. :3

Lol at Carson’s jelly face:

I MEAN...

Not a fan of Faith’s outfit...but to be fair we’ve never really seen Faith outside of uniform. That just doesn’t strike me as something she would wear to travel in...?

Dylan approaching Jack and Jack speaking to him was so hilarious to me. “A puppy!” It’s extra funny after he looked afraid of Rosemary. Nathan intervening was undoubtedly for the best, but I can’t imagine why he would have approached Elizabeth or Jack. He doesn’t know who they are, or their connection to Nathan. Maybe too convenient. Might have been better to have him approach someone else entirely--like Opal.

Scene 6: Nathan and Allie

It’s great Nathan’s officializing the adoption but he had literal years to do this and only chooses now, when there’s a threat? Legally Dylan doesn’t have a leg to stand on even in that day and age (he did the abandoning in the first place + Nathan is a lawman)... It kind of ruined the cute moment for me, and I think it will come back in a bad way later.

I don’t mind Nathan’s inability to confide in Elizabeth in this situation. At this point, she doesn’t need to know, and the situation is just weird enough that he probably doesn’t think he needs to dump his own problems on her.

Scene 7: Carson and Faith

I’m the jerk who just chanted “BREAK UP BREAK UP BREAK UP” during this scene in my head. I just...don’t care about Faith and Carson.

Scene 8: Bill and The Gals

I hate that they keep retconning Bill’s ability to cook well with every passing season. In season 2 and 3 he was more than satisfactory. In S4 he made dinner for Dottie and it was really nice. Now he’s godawful and doesn’t taste his own shit before letting other people try it? Come on.

This is the kind of stuff the writing team needs to cut out of the story. It’s not funny.

Worse, outspoken Fiona lying to Bill? I just don’t see it. At least Molly told him the truth...but I still am just SO tired of seeing this shit. It makes me think new writers only watched the last couple of seasons instead of all of them.

Also, if Bill is literally running the cafe most of the time, if he was bad at cooking, then...the place would have shut down ages ago. What they should lean into if they wanna do a cooking joke is that Bill isn’t good at creating recipes from scratch. Maybe he doesn’t have a strong sense of taste (my husband has this issue so it’s the first thing that comes to mind) so he’s likely to over-do things like spice or sugar or salt on accident. There’s also a lot of room for jokes about his “taste” in things that can come of it (women, clothes, et cetera).

Scene 9: Lee’s Pants

Good scene, 10/10, wouldn’t change a thing. I hope this pants thing becomes a running gag. This is the good kind of humor I want in my life. And I like that Jesse wants to emulate Lee. It’s wholesome.

Scene 10: Rosemary and Clara

The ribbon as a tissue was funny, but it was just SLIGHTLY too over the top for me.

Scene 11: Faith and Carson Again...............

“Were you jealous of that cowboy?” I think he should be. The cowboy is better. I don’t give a damn about these characters. And I genuinely hate that the strumming is Carson’s Thing Now. At the very least we should get some Carson and Bill doing a duet together which would be cool.

It just felt like it was shilling Paul and had nothing to do with the characters.

Scene 12: Mmm Money

This is arguably the most interesting scene in the episode. Lucas nodded at Nathan. Nathan went to Lucas for money. Lucas didn’t need to get the scoop to find out why Nathan needed it to loan it to him. Elizabeth is officially the least interesting part of the love triangle.

They treat her like she’s such a prize to be won, but I’m starting to worry that she’s become the new Lorigail on the show.

Anyway this scene had some gay vibes and I liked them.

Scene 13: Rosemary and Elizabeth Catch Up

YES. GOOD SCENE. It starts off fun and it gets serious, and the transition feels really natural. “Did he have reason to be [jealous]?” I’m genuinely glad this is in the episode. It needed to be. I hope Rosemary continues to ask the hard questions.

Elizabeth needs to face either dating one of them, or dating neither of them so that everybody can get on with their lives. If you’re not that enthusiastic about either of them I’d say...maybe don’t date either of them idk.

Scene 14: Nathan and Bill Talk

"If he sees you with me, then...” The problem with this scene is uh...twofold, let’s say.

Issue 1: ThEN HE WILL WHAT, NATHAN? WHAT HAS HE EVER DONE BEFORE THAT WAS SO BAD if he’s not a hard criminal? Maybe an example would be useful here...?

Issue 2: The old Bill Avery would have heard “if he SEES YOU with ME” and mentally been like, “all right so it’s only bad if he SEES ME” and spied on Nathan.

Nathan wanting Bill to stay behind in case Dylan doubles back isn’t a terrible idea, but it almost comes across more like...the writers just want Nathan alone.

Scene 15: Oil

I like the discussion and that Hickam gets to do something. I feel like Henry is low-key advising against shooting the well, and that Lucas and Hickam will end up doing it and causing an issue. It’s just setting up for the future and it’s nice to see those kinds of scenes in the series again!

Scene 16: Jesse and Lee

I’d like this scene more if I felt it gave us ANY insight into the problem Jesse and Clara are having. It mostly comes across like Jesse gets home and does nothing at all until bedtime and Clara is lonely. Could have been a better scene. It’s mostly just repetitive right now.

Scene 17: Nathan Cancels the Date

“Tomorrow’s Saturday.” Nathan’s like uhhhhh. This actually works really well to do what it’s supposed to do. By that I mean, he seems “off” so Elizabeth realizes he’s a bit stressed and leaving town = mountie business = dangerous.

I kind of wish Rosemary and Elizabeth would talk more about this, but maybe that’s coming in an episode soon...?

Scene 18: The Barbershop

Just a cute nice scene that shows a good friendship between Fiona, Clara, and Faith. I like this stuff. Keep it coming, Hallmark!

(Skipping Scene 19 because it’s just Nathan riding around...)

Scene 20: Lee and Rosemary Scheme

I really enjoyed this little bit where they decide to buy something for Clara and Jesse and we don’t get to see what it is. Super wholesome and very fun!

Scene 21: Nathan gets Ambushed

This scene was absolutely wild. Probably one of the best scenes like this that they’ve ever done. Dylan taking Nathan’s hat, “Take care of my little girl” after he takes the money and Nathan’s gun. It was super good.

Also, not too fake that Nathan was on the ground that long. If you got roped off of your horse you’d have the wind knocked out of you super hard lmao.

Scene 22: Bill & The Girls

Clara and Fiona are so cute. Bill playing the “Dad” figure to them both is really nice and it’s good for him. “I’m a lawman. I get to sneak.” What a Bill response.

(Skipping Scene 23 since it’s just Nathan finding his horse.)

Scene 24: Lucas visits with Elizabeth

Lucas and Elizabeth are flirting via a nursery rhyme. I...don’t like that LOL. But Lucas’s “Helen Bouchard taught me to read and after that I was on my own.” She really sounds unloving. This was a pretty decent scene, though.

Also, Grand Isle Louisiana had a major hurricane in 1909 and 1915.

They also seem to have been hit by more mild hurricanes in 1916 and 1917, but the 1915 one was a Cat4, so...the most notable.

Scene 25: Rosemary and Lee in the Dress Shop

This tries to solve the issue of Clara and Jesse’s marital problems, but it doesn’t actually do that. “Let Jesse read when he gets home.” “I’ll talk to Jesse.” Meh.

Scene 26: Barbershop

“Why do this when you’re so good with women’s hair?” I fully expected Fiona to say, “That’s where all the hot gossip is, of course.” I do like her gumption, though!

Scene 27: Nathan Finds Dylan

“I had to let you ambush me, so I had grounds to put you away.” COLD BUT EFFECTIVE. I appreciate this.

Imagine getting to be this smug. I wish it were me.

Anyway, long-term thoughts on this are mostly that...there is just no reasonable way Dylan’s story is over yet. It’s too juicy of a storyline to let go this easily. Allie is going to find out what Nathan did and she’s going to struggle to come to terms with it, especially after her grandfather really did try to turn his life around. Why couldn’t it be the same for her father? Why couldn’t she get lucky like that?

I hope it feels satisfying, whatever they choose to do. Otherwise this was just wrapped up too neatly/too quickly.

Scene 28: Nathan Returns

Very good scene. Nathan’s in a good mood and he does my favorite trope of all time when one person in the relationship has a child: “Why don’t we all go?” You already all know each other, so why not? It’s wholesome and good, and it shows he doesn’t care how he gets to spend time with Elizabeth, as long as he does.

Also, it takes a lot of the pressure off of her for the duration of the date and at its conclusion. This was a cute and good scene, one of the better they’ve had, I think.

Scene 29: Jesse and Lee Talk

This was a nice attempt at a talk, but it really comes off like Jesse has stopped loving Clara for no reason. That his romantic interest in her is what is causing the failure in their relationship.

The problem is: WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS CAUSING IT. NOBODY EVER SAID.

I agree that love isn’t “just” a feeling or “just” an emotion. It’s ALSO a choice. Marriage is a commitment you choose to continue every day. That is all good.

“Choose love. Then you feel it.” is probably some of the worst dialogue they’ve put in the show, though. Yuck. It left a bad taste in my mouth. It feels like it’s shaming people who legitimately fall out of love or who are in bad relationships. “If only you chose to work harder.”

I don’t think that was their intention at all, but it really soured the scene. I would have MUCH rather have had Lee get Jesse to talk about what’s wrong and then offer him pointers on how he could do better. Maybe he’s stressed out and losing himself in books, or he wishes Clara would sit and read with him because that’s something he always wanted. Or maybe Clara would be down for reading time if he read to her while she did her sewing.

There’s so much they could have done here to really send this home, but it didn’t work very well. At the very least Lee could have said, instead of ‘choose love’: CHOOSE COMMUNICATION. Make sure she knows you still feel that way about her.

The biggest thing is like, Lee could also be very encouraging in saying like, the honeymoon phase doesn’t last forever but just because things settle down doesn’t mean the love is less.

THERE IS SO MUCH GOOD STUFF THEY COULD HAVE WRITTEN FOR THIS but they chose “Choose love. Then you feel it.” WTF. That’s awful advice.

Scene 30: Jesse and Clara

Him bringing her flowers was a nice touch, and her getting him the book was also nice. The tandem bike was SO unexpected to me and I loved it. It’s just goofy enough that it works. The best part is that they know it’s not going to fix anything, but it’s still a fun and nice thing to do, and that’s wonderful for Rosemary and Lee. They both like to make the people they care about happy.

Scene 31: Mama Bouchard

MILF ALERT.

Elizabeth is just so shook at all of this she doesn’t say a damn thing for so long it made my palms feel sweaty.

“Someone ought to take an interest in your writing, don’t you think?” I rewatched the episode to understand the tone, and it’s a little hoity-toity/uppity, but she actually doesn’t sound condescending. It’s good for an editor to meet the author, after all, and meet to talk about their writing/book. This has always been custom, even in the early 1900s. Authors didn’t usually get their work published by an editor they’d never met (though of course, you will find some exceptions).

From the little we saw, Helen seems fine. The preview for the next episode tells us she’s UH, AN EDITOR DOING HER JOB, so I’m not looking forward to the editor being the bad guy, but I guess I’ll have to deal with that when it arrives. (To be clear, Elizabeth has never proved to the audience that she’s a Good Writer, let alone a Great Writer. She’s also not experienced which means her work probably NEEDS SOME WORK.)

Anyway, Elizabeth is immediately rude as HELL. Nobody can make an excuse for this. Helen isn’t THAT big of a deal. There are other publishers. Your father is filthy rich. If she changes her mind about your book you can pub to someone via your father if you have to. Like...Helen wouldn’t have taken you on if she didn’t see any potential in you.

Even if it was a big deal, Elizabeth has NEVER been a flake. EVER.

This is a classic case of a writer forcing the character to go out of character in order to bend to what the plot dictates.

If I were Nathan, I’d drop Elizabeth like a brick.

How to fix this scene? I’ll honestly have to think about that for a while. This was the first hint of truly bad writing this season. The bit with Lee and “choose love” was careless writing, but this scene with Nathan is just Bad.

The thing is, I KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING. I know they put this in there so that it looks like she’ll choose Lucas because she never even goes out with Nathan, and then BOOM. I know it’s meant to be this big thing about how she’s scared to feel anything for Nathan because Lucas is the safer option and also a good man (so why would she fall for the more frightening option?).

But this was not the right way to do this type of scene. I hope to God in the next episode someone says something about it. Allie could tell her it was rude and it hurt Nathan’s feelings/you shouldn’t have said yes if you didn’t want to. It’d be fully in character for her. Rosemary could also say something similar. If they do, I might be able to forgive this...but if it’s not called attention to by the other characters, then it’s a massive failure as a scene to me.

Did I miss anything? Do you want my thoughts on something in particular? Shoot me a message HERE and I’ll do my best to answer!

#when calls the heart #long post #season 8 shenanigans #season 8 spoilers #episode write ups

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clairenatural · 3 years

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Hm. I know this is fandom stuff so whatever it’s not that big of a deal but misha is a grown 40+ year old man who CHOSE to make a post trying to defend one of the most blatant “bury your gays” moments in modern tv AND Jensen has a history* of homophobic behavior (saying brokeback ruined cowboy movies for him, ‘real men don’t use straws,’ writing no on the bi dean thesis, the booing issue). like. they’re not the victims here. and you’re bisexual too so I know you understand that the lgbt fans who were denied good rep but still expected to praise the show regardless are the ones harmed, and I wish everyone talking abt this would stop trying to empathize with grown adult men who made thousands off a homophobic, racist, misogynistic show and instead actually offer genuine criticism for the ways the show screwed everyone over

here’s the thing.

i really debated not answering this, but after the knee-jerk response I ultimately do want to be held accountable for things and if I fuck up I want to know, so let’s talk.

First of all, I *do* want to remind you and everyone that while fandom stuff definitely can be a big deal, I’m also just someone having fun on tumblr dot com and how critical i choose to be/not be isn’t indicative of my real life ability to critically consume media or view the celebrities I follow as flawed humans. Personally, this is my safe space, and I choose to celebrate the show rather than focus on tearing it down.

That being said, we do need to hold this show and the people involved accountable for their homophobia, racism, and misogyny. I honestly believe (or, i guess, believed) I’ve been doing that--I’m incredibly angry with how we’ve been treated, and I feel like I’ve done a good job voicing that. If I haven’t made it clear enough that this show massively fucked over everyone, I’m genuinely sorry. I’m very much of the mindset that the CW should burn. At the beginning when all this was going down I was very clear on that, I’ve participated in the twitter campaigns, i’m boycotting the show, etc. Recently i’ve been shifting this blog back towards being more positive (not about the ending, but just in general) for my own mental health, but please don’t think my stance on any of that has changed (and I am ready to go back into battle the moment I’m called on).

I also don’t believe I’ve ever glossed over Jensen’s problematic past--he absolutely needs to be held accountable for his past behavior. I honestly don’t have the spoons to go track down long thinkpieces on how his behavior has changed drastically recently and as to why fan opinion on him being homophobic has largely shifted but he has markedly changed his tone in the past few years and has shown himself to be an ally. If this is specifically about the post I made on the booing thing, I clarified in the tags that I wasn’t trying to defend Jensen; a lot of antis use that incident as an example of “Jensen thinks bi!dean is gross, nyah nyah” when it’s a bad example of that because he didn’t really know what was going on (as reported by the fan who asked the question). That wasn’t supposed to absolve Jensen of how he reacted in that situation or ways he has handled other similar situations. On Misha--I’ve said repeatedly that I don’t really think the CW forced him to make that video but I do believe it came from a good, if misguided place. I also believe his response to the backlash, where he listened and learned, was the best it could be. Not everyone has to accept that apology and I obviously can’t on behalf of the entire community, but I personally do, and he also is bound by an NDA + probably has guidelines on how to address the bury your gays issue so yes I will cut him some slack because of that. In fact, his statements on bury your gays specifically varied SO wildly over the past few times he’s mentioned it, from “I know this was bad and I’m sorry, it’s a conversation we should continue to have” to “It wasn’t bury your gays” that....yeah, I do believe there was some sort of consensus reached on how to approach it that he had to stick to. Overall I just genuinely think that the actors aren’t the enemy here when all the (most recent) signs point to them trying to give us as much as they can--actors aren’t showrunners or writers or producers and don’t have ultimate power over the narrative.

But I do really want to apologize if anyone following my blog feels like they aren’t allowed to be angry or that they need to celebrate the show. I’ve been vocally angry here and while I’ve been shifting more towards positivity for my own wellbeing I would never tell other fans--particularly LGBT+ ones--that we need to praise the show. I am also deeply hurt by this. I’ve expressed how hurt I am by this, and now I’m trying to move on to a more positive place, but that does not mean everyone has to! And on that note, honestly, while I may advocate against people sending hate and attacks to the actors, I’m not here to police anyone’s feelings. If you feel like you need to be angry at Jensen and Misha in order to process and move on.....it’s not my right to tell you that you can’t be. We shouldn’t let them silence us and if I’ve participated at all in the silencing....there’s not much I can say except that I’m sorry and I’ll be better.

#idk. i feel like this is messy because it's 3am but i also am unable to sleep on it and answer it tomorrow im sorry :(#i hope this makes sense anyway #like fr im just trying to have fun on the internet which is why im not heavily critical but PLEASE dont take that to mean that im not angry #but i can see how that's actively harmful so I'll be more aware of how my positivity could come across as telling other people they can't b #*they can't be angry #and also please know I AM still upset #idk. sorry.#thanks for this message anon sometimes I need a reality check #hope ur doing good. sending good vibes #long post #answered #Anonymous

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mooosicaldreamz · 3 years

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We obviously need your song by song analysis of evermore please!

i got asked to do this about four times so here it is.....much anticipated. i know. please note that when i say that i hate her or despise her i don’t actually mean that. but i do

EVERMORE

OK LETS GO

WILLOW - ok, groovy first time you hear it, right? has a strong rumbly wiggle. let’s VIBE. the low of the verse, the high of the chorus…oh my goodness! what is she doing. she’s just out there! wow. “wherever you stray i follow” is a banger. “life was a willow and it bent right to your wind” with the overlay oof let’s go.!!!! a shockingly strong first entry of the record…best one since “welcome to new york” maybe!!! let’s just say it!!! for some reason “i come back stronger than a 90s trend” throws me off though…i don’t know. it’s just so moody pop, no one is doing it like her!!! i hate her

CHAMPAGNE PROBLEMS - every time i listen to this song i listen to it four times. not a joke. it’s perfect. i don’t think i need to convince anyone! it’s perfect!!!!! what are you doing? taylor swift, the most dramatic bitch, has been writing dramatic bitch songs since she was fourteen and yet, somehow, she contrives to write even more dramatic things as she ages. this song is a JOKE. there are not ENOUGH songs about denying proposals! it’s just simple and sad. oh my god. it’s insane. the fact that she wrote this with her boyfriend (i have a running theory that they are married, we are going to refer to joe as her Perfect and Glorious Husband from now on) …… come on. the ENTIRE BREAKDOWN. “YOUR MIDAS TOUCH ON THE CHEVY DOOR / NOVEMBER FLUSH YOUR FLANNEL CURE / THIS DORM WAS ONCE A MADHOUSE / I MADE A JOKE WELL ITS MADE FOR ME / HOW EVERGREEN OUR GROUP OF FRIENDS / DON’T THINK WE’LL SAY THAT WORD AGAIN / AND SOON THEY’LL HAVE THE NERVE TO DECK THE HALLS THAT WE ONCE WALKED THROUGH” ……. concluding with that absolute stabby killer “what a shame she’s fucked in the head” oh my god……….. and the song resolving in a very adult “you’ll find someone else” god

GOLD RUSH - ok so like this song is like ok it’s got the same groovy high /low that’s happening on willow but it’s so different! it’s so good! the pulse of the beat propelling the whole thing through and then the falling apart “oh what must it be like to grow up that beautiful”……………..ok. the visceral image of “my eagles t-shirt hanging from the door” …………. i admire very much taylor’s oncoming gift of moving through high/low imagery…… i love her so much? it’s so HARD. “my mind turns your life into folklore” beautiful! BEAUTIFUL! also i have some belief in me that this is about karlie kloss but i shall not dive into that hole.

TIS THE DAMN SEASON - oh so i’m supposed to LIVE with this song EXISTING. WHY!!!! HOW……..oh my god………..taylor was like, yes, i’m going to write a song about a famous girl going home and banging her high school flame for a week and jack and aaron were like oh ok. “i parked my car between the methodist and the school that used to be ours.” she is such a joke. “you could call me babe for the weekend” like ok emo!! emo!!! OK. I LOVE THIS SONG

TOLERATE IT - taylor really gave us the most depressing track 5, but it’s absolutely a banger and i love her! she is just vibing! oh my god. what a specific emotion to pinpoint with this song….it’s such a gift. no one is hitting this space

NO BODY NO CRIME - this song has no business being on this record but in the BEST WAY, like how daddy lessons mysteriously appears in the middle of lemonade. oh my goodness. this is just pure country revenge song. taylor was like oh actually i haven’t forgotten my roots and i hate men more than i ever have. and she got haim to sing with her. and it’s so good. the low “i think he did it” oh my goodness. this song is a joke. how is it real? it’s just a perfect radio song. it reminds me very much of “before he cheats” but it’s a lot more sonically calm

HAPPINESS - similar to “tolerate it” and i think “champagne problems” this song is beating on an emotional bush that is really really hard to hit the head of. like, so she collabed with the national and bon iver on this record and previous obvi, and i LOVE them, but their music can often be very………impressionistic? perhaps? is how i might put it. it’s sometimes hard to get a note of specificity from it. imo. but taylor loves a fucking story bro. and she has figured out how to tell made up stories. she can’t be stopped now. like…this space of a breakup and knowing that it’s for the best and being sad in this way? name a pop star who has a song this nuanced. for real! god. i despise her. “across a great divide / there is a glorious sunrise”

DOROTHEA - the other half to the far superior TIS THE DAMN SEASON and a banger all the same. it has the bouncy joy of the most buoyant national songs. in the same vein as the also far superior BETTY, she has her sweet dumb boy slurry and less intelligent voice. i love that she paints these narrators this way, it’s just nothing she would have ever reached for ever before this period. she has a Perfect and Glorious Husband now and she has begun to understand teenage boys, FINALLY.

CONEY ISLAND - i have upon many occasions opined that i love the national VERY MUCH. i once went to a festival with my gf and her sister to see them even though i was expressly not invited and you know what despite the fact that it caused a lot of angst, i got to see the national play TERRIBLE LOVE in the middle of the night and I SCREAMED IT. so like, listen. what is matt berninger doing here, to me, specifically????????? i was somewhat hesitant about how their voices might blend, but it works astonishingly well. and i think that it’s so wonderful, i can’t. the imagery of a dreary coney island…..”sorry for not winning you an arcade ring.” as taylor always proves, the bridge is spectacular. “were you standing in the hallway / with a big cake / happy birthday”……”and when i got into the accident / the sight that flashed before me was your face / but when i walked up to the podium / i think that i forgot to say your name” sorry to yOU calvin. she had ISSUES. and now she has a Perfect and Glorious Husband. also “sorry for not making you my centerfold” ok kaylor

IVY - this song is about emily dickinson and i DARE you to tell me that i’m wrong. I DARE YOU. I DARE YOU. you’d be wrong! embarrassing for you. taylor finally writing a probably legitimate queer song and it’s about fucking emily dickinson is so on brand…..it’s dripping with poetry and groove and she’s so fucking dumb i hate her so much. her narrative of ivy and poetry and the lakes district…….ok taylor. i know. i know you watched all the dickinson things that came out and you identified with her. the gentle sway of the “oh, goddamn” and the “oh, i can’t”……i CAN’T EITHER TAYLOR !!! i CAN”T TAYLOR!!!! “oh goddamn / my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand / taking mine but it’s been promised to another / oh i can’t / stop you putting roots in my dreamland” TAYLOR. and then she says, “oh you didn’t realize this wasn’t gay?” “i want to know the fatal flaw that makes you long to be magnificently cursed” like @ emily yourself taylor “he wants what’s only yours”……TAYLOR. give me the entire catalogue of emily dickinson songs!!!!! i can’t do this. “springs breaks loose / but so does fear” “i’d live and die for moments that we stole / on begged and borrowed time / so tell me to run / or dare to sit and watch what we’ll become / and drink my husband’s wine.” taylor if you see this post, a, i love you, b, i need you to tell me about ivy, and c, PLEASE can i have tickets to your next tour in the year 2025 or whenever because my gf never buys me any to your shows……….i love this song if it isn’t clear. i think i’d love it if it wasn’t gay

COWBOY LIKE ME - ok this will sound weird and if you’ve read this far i’m going to assume that you don’t care about me being weird…but this song reminds me of the fanfiction STAY THE NIGHT by lynnearlington (maybe u’ve heard of it). please reply if you think about this and feel the same. “never wanted love / just a fancy car” “you had some tricks up your sleeve / takes one to know one / you’re a cowboy like me” the opening line re: the tent-like thing reminds me very strongly of the fourth of july at our family’s country club and they set up a tent over the parking lot and this song just makes me think of that vibe????? i don’t know. i have vibes. i love this song a lot, which is impressive because it follows after the gay euphoria of IVY. perhaps this is because it gives me its own gay euphoria. “now you hang from my lips like the garden babylon” ???? is one of the most gay, seductive, brutal lyrics i have ever heard. she wrote that down and was like, oh yeah, vibez, hundo p. she did that to me

LONG STORY SHORT - this song is an honorary sequel to I FORGOT THAT YOU EXISTED from the lover era (honestly i’m still in the lover era). but i actually think this song is better! so we are taking that. “actually i’ve always thought that i looked better from the rearview” ok taylor let’s access that feeling! “no more keeping score / i just keep you warm” is like, stupidly sweet. rip to calvin but now taylor has a Perfect and Glorious Husband.

MARJORIE - made me cry, simple and beautiful. one of the more personal songs on the tracklist! and something that i had never considered that she would write about, but i think the quarantine period has allowed a lot of us to dig into our feelings, so….vibez. we’re vibing!

CLOSURE - this song’s production sounds a lot like bon iver’s recent productions, very tech-y and repetitive and spare. rip to karlie kloss but taylor has a Perfect and Glorious Husband and karlie’s legal last name is kushner so who really won? hmm? i love “i’m fine with my spite / and my tears / and my beers / and my candles” the inclusion of candles is just. vibez. there are four candles lit rn in our apartment!

EVERMORE - i think this song is very intriguing and i’m still puzzling with it! the simplicity of her depressive gray November phase and then the very ebullient and bold bon iver interlude……..really has a manic/depressive, sad/angry vibe???? it feels so on brand for this pandemic quarantine…..and it works shockingly well, except for that i’d rather listen to the bon iver part for 10 minutes more. “all my waves are being tossed / is there a line that i can just go cross” and then taylor’s sort of call and response with his interlude……should just be the whole song. but it’s still good. that’s how annoying she is

#tswizzle #tswizzy #tsweezy #i literally have totally ruined the tags

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metalandmagi · 5 years

Text

Summer 2019 Anime Worth Watching

Summer is here, and with it brings another new season of anime! In case you’re feeling lost and want to find some new shows to pass the time, here’s some of the anime I think are worth checking out...because some really good shows tend to fly under the radar. I think there’s some genuinely interesting stuff this season, so hopefully you’ll find something you like too.

I also have a Winter list and a Spring list and a fall list now!

And here’s my master list for 2020

New Shows!

Given: A *cough* BL *cough* romance anime in which tsundere highschool guitarist Ritsuka Uenoyama is on the verge of losing his passion for music when he stumbles upon the sleepy-eyed Mafuyu Sato who constantly carries a guitar around that he doesn’t know how to play. Drama and musical shenanigans ensue. This was by far my most anticipated show of the season, because I happen to have read a few chapters of this manga and liked it a lot. The only reason I stopped was because I wanted to hear the music in this music oriented story...so naturally the anime makes me very happy. Not only is it sweet and cute with great animation, but it’s also hilarious. Sato is also basically a human incarnation of a lost puppy, and you just help but fall in love with him and the other characters! AND NOW WE HAVE TWO GAY MUSIC SHOWS THIS SEASON!

Dr. STONE: An action adventure anime that takes place 3,700 years in the future after the world is struck with a mysterious phenomenon that turns the entire human race to stone. Our protagonists: the genius, scientific minded Senku Ishigami and the muscle-y comic relief Taiju Oki, must find a way to rebuild civilization and turn humanity back to normal using the POWER OF SCIENCE! It’s fun, good looking, and way more interesting than I thought it would be. I’m not very attached to the main characters yet, although it’s still early. I’m mainly sticking around for the plot, the comedy, and the answers to the crazy amount of questions I have after watching the first episode!

Fire Force: An action/drama where super powered fire fighters must protect Tokyo from people who are spontaneously combusting while our hero Shinra must find out who started the fire that killed his mother. More than anything, I’d say this show is definitely worth watching for the cinematography and action because almost every second has been high flying dynamic animation that really grips you. It reminds me a lot of Soul Eater, the story and characters have a lot of potential, and you know an anime will be good when the girls have muscles too!

If it’s for My Daughter, I’d Even Defeat a Demon Lord: Can you tell it’s based on a light novel? A slice of life set in a fantasy world where an adventurer named Dale stumbles upon an adorable lost little girl in the woods, who happens to be branded as a criminal. So of course Dale basically adopts her and tries to find out how she came to be with him. It’s basically fantasy School Babysitters without the tragic depth to it (but there’s room for potential). Yes, this is definitely the most wholesome show of the season, but it’s to be expected considering it’s basically Japan’s latest attempt to get people to have more babies. Personally, the most interesting aspect of this show is the fact that Dale and his “daughter” can’t speak the same language. Unfortunately, the light novel ends up pulling a Bunny Drop...so I sincerely hope the anime doesn’t try the creepy romance factor. So for now, if you feel like puking up some rainbows, give this one a try.

To the Abandoned Sacred Beasts: An action drama where, during a civil war, one side used “forbidden technology” to enhance their soldiers and basically turn them into badass monsters. The only problem: the soldiers who were turned start to lose their humanity and end up killing humans for the fun of it. Now our protagonist must hunt down his fellow soldiers and kill them before it’s too late. Honestly, this show has some pacing issues and can be a bit stilted in terms of its character interactions, but what kept me watching was the last 5 minutes of the first episode. I was so not prepared for the roller coaster that was the first episode’s ending, and now I’m extremely intrigued. Besides it’s made by MAPPA so I would at least give it a couple episodes to see if it’s for you.

Vinland Saga: The story of a young boy named Thorfinn’s journey to become a great warrior and while the adults deal with going to war. IT’S THE ONE WITH THE VIKINGS!!! It basically feels like a darker, grittier viking version of Moana. I’ve heard literally nothing but praise for this manga for so many years that my hopes skyrocketed as soon as I heard Wit was doing the adaption. And it has definitely lived up to the hype so far! It’s a great action historical drama to fill the void after Dororo. The only problem is no one will watch it because it’s on Amazon Prime.

Kochouki: Wakaki Nobunaga: A fun brightly colored historical anime about the famous warlord Nobunaga when he was a young teenager. I honestly don’t know what the tone of this anime is going to be from here on out, because it’s going to go from “fun thieving shenanigans with pretty boys” to leading people into battle, but it got me interested. I know putting Nobunaga in an anime isn’t exactly original, but this one seems like a fun ride...and it looks gay as fuck.

And I have to shout out some that haven’t premiered yet...just in case...

Try Knights: This one doesn’t come out until the end of July, but you bet your ass I’m going to be watching it because it’s an original anime about PRETTY BOYS PLAYING RUGBY! And I have a feeling it’s going to be very... different from the other resident rugby anime All Out.

Yokai Ningen BEM (Humanoid Monster BEM): Okay, this one’s not out yet either, but the trailer had a really cool vibe to it, so I’m including it anyway. It’s a remake of the 1968 anime in which a group of yokai who look like humans fight crime in the big city. If nothing else, the music is cool, and it’s made by Production I.G, so why not?

*UPDATE* The first episode finally dropped, and holy crap I’m so into this. It’s basically Durarara mixed with Psycho Pass mixed with Bungo Stray Dogs. The first episode has me completely hooked!

Next seasons and continuations!

As always there are some leftovers from the spring season that are continuing into the summer that I highly suggest!

Carole and Tuesday: The musical sci-fi anime directed by Shinichiro Watanabe wherein a rich runaway named Tuesday meets a streetwise girl named Carole, and the two decide to start a band together. Now Carole and Tuesday must rise to stardom in a world dominated by android created music. It was by far my favorite new show of the spring, and if you can find a way to watch it (because it’s still not available legally anywhere aside from Japanese Netflix apparently) I wholeheartedly recommend it. It’s got the best and most diverse music I’ve seen in an anime in a long time, an interesting setting (apparently it takes place in the Cowboy Bebop universe!?), and very well rounded fun characters. And I'm dying for a soundtrack release with all the songs!!!!

Fruits Basket 2019: Yes, the remake of the classic 2001 anime in which a girl moves in with a family who can turn into animals from the zodiac is getting a full run. And thank God because I just can’t say goodbye to it after only 12 episodes. It is so stunningly beautiful in both animation and story subjects that I don’t know what I would do without it. The characters feel so much more fleshed out, and I feel like I learn a lesson about life each week even though I already know most of what’s going to happen. If you never watched the original because thought you were too “cool” to watch a shoujo anime, give it a chance. Because if you think it’s just a generic love triangle romance show, you couldn’t be more wrong. The reboot is so good at portraying different kinds of love and how the presence of love and family can change lives AND IT’S JUST SO FREAKING GOOD!

Demon Slayer Kimetsu no Yaiba: In case you missed Ufotable’s newest project, this is a shounen anime that follows a young boy named Tanjiro and his sister Nezuko who has been possessed by a demon and their journey to turn Nezuko back to normal while fighting demons along the way. I still feel like this is a pretty basic shounen anime story wise, but I really like the characters, especially the villains. It has some of the coolest fighting/power mechanics I’ve seen in awhile, and the animation is very cool and different!

Ace of Diamond act 2: Our favorite shounen baseball anime is continuing into the summer. And I have very mixed feelings about this season so far. We are getting some fun new characters and some great scenes with the team, but the games are very...choppy and rushed. Apparently this is how it goes down in the manga, and we’re in for some good Sawamura development...but it’s still touch and go for me personally.

That’s it for now. Most of these are available on Crunchyroll, except Vinland Saga, Carole and Tuesday, and Kochouki: Wakaki Nobunaga. Since Try Knights and Yokai Ningen BEM aren’t out yet, I don’t know where they will be available legally.

See you next season!

#long post #anime recommendation #summer 2019 anime #ace of diamond #demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba #fruits basket #carole and tuesday #try knights #yokai ningen bem #kochouki: wakaki nobunaga #vinland saga #to the abandoned sacred beasts #katsute kami datta kemono-tachi e #if it's for my daughter i'd even defeat a demon lord #fire force #dr stone #given #given anime

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jenniferxprentiss · 4 years

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I Don’t Know Anything (But I Know I Miss You) -> 4/?

ch.4 -> I’ll Show You Every Version Of Yourself Tonight

“How did you know?” Emily’s voice wavered, laced with confusion and wonder. “That you were gay, I mean.” “I feel like I always knew but also recently found out. Does that make sense?” She turned, looking at Emily and offering her a lopsided half smile. “Now that I know, I realize I’ve always been… not straight, you know? But I guess it really clicked at the end of our freshman year when I kissed Elle at a party.”

hi hi

I have so much muse for these two. and I love them so much. and I love their love. so here is the longest chapter yet coming in at just under 3100 words. hope u all enjoy!!

song inspo is mirrorball — Taylor Swift

tagging — @whiskey-fluent @babyblockcolorcat @criminalmindsgonewrong @anepiphany @heat-waveee @j3mily @jjsgirlfriend @dont-trustyourfeelings @ellegreenawy @blakes-dictionxry lmk if u want a tag ok!!! luv u all!!!

——————

There was a silence between them, both looking up at the sky. JJ felt her stomach flutter again, nervous nausea settling in at Emily’s lack of response. She tried to find the Big Dipper like she always did when she felt anxiety creeping up on her — a tactic she had adopted long before her sister passed.

After what felt like forever, Emily let her hand rest on JJ’s, shot her a gentle smile of reassurance. She offered her the bottle again, chuckled when JJ chugged from the bottle — waited for her to be done before she spoke.

“Gay? Wow, that’s great, Jen.” Emily let out a breathy ghost of a laugh, shook her head before continuing. “Not good that you’re gay — well, it is good that you’re gay — but good that you’ve got it figured out. That you know what you want.”

“I’m out to my parents, but no one at school knows— just Aaron and you, now.”

Emily couldn’t imagine being herself with her mother — couldn't imagine telling Elizabeth her true feelings about sports and clothing, let alone something as big as her sexuality or who she loved. She felt a pang of jealousy that JJ could be open and honest with her parents, recognized that jealousy was the wrong emotion but couldn’t bring herself to move past it.

“I wish I could be honest with my mom.” Her tone was far away, eyes glazed over as she looked anywhere but at Jennifer.

“I understand if you don’t want to hang out anymore, you know?”

Jennifer’s voice was small, had a vulnerability to it that Emily wasn’t used to. She was so used to watching her be strong, even in the face of bullies, that seeing her so vulnerable — so nervous — was almost surreal to Emily. She took the bottle back, let her fingers brush against JJ’s in a silent understanding — everything is okay, nothing between us in our newfound friendship has changed — before taking a swig of the amber liquid.

“I would never stop being your friend because you like girls, Jen. That’s ridiculous.”

She watched as JJ’s lips turned upwards in a small, shy smile, eyes focused on the ends of Emily’s slightly curled hair. Emily extended her hand, laid it palm up between them as a sign for JJ to take it, both still laying on their backs on the roof, staring up at the rapidly setting sun.

After a moment, JJ took the offered hand, her lips twitching up into a shy smile that accompanied the faint pinkish blush coloring her face. Her grip was soft, hand resting inside of Emily’s hand — admired how Emily’s nails were perfectly manicured and white, a stark contrast to her own unpainted, bitten nails.

There was a silence between them, JJ staring out at the houses below them, cast only in the glow of the streetlights, while Emily stared at JJ. She wondered how she knew she was gay, if she had ever kissed a girl before, wondered idly if liking boys and girls was an acceptable option — wondered, at a place deep in the back of her mind, if she could identify as somewhere between gay and straight.

“How did you know?” Emily’s voice wavered, laced with confusion and wonder. “That you were gay, I mean.”

“I feel like I always knew but also recently found out. Does that make sense?” She turned, looking at Emily and offering her a lopsided half smile. “Now that I know, I realize I’ve always been… not straight, you know? But I guess it really clicked at the end of our freshman year when I kissed Elle at a party.”

JJ laughed softly to herself and Emily had to wonder if she missed some sort of inside joke. Her mind wandered to an image of JJ kissing girls at parties, an unknown feeling bubbling up in the pit of her stomach at the thought. She settled on it being a touch of jealous anger, not a pang of desire or confusion. Emily tried to look anywhere but at JJ’s lips, tried to let her mind wander to anywhere but the girls she had kissed — decided to ask about Elle instead.

“Elle as in Elle Greenaway, co-captain of the cheer team Elle? Recently broke up with Luke?”

JJ let out a vague hum of affirmation, her lips curving up into a smirk. She laughed again, shook her head before looking back at Emily.

“I didn’t know she was gay, she just broke up with Luke.”

“You can enjoy kissing girls and not be gay or bi.”

The thought made Emily’s head spin. She reasoned that she was slightly too tipsy for this sort of conversation, tried to push back the burn of jealousy at the thought of Jen kissing Elle — the thought of them doing more than kissing — reminded herself that she shouldn’t be jealous or angry because she had Aaron to kiss, the star quarterback.

She idly wondered what it would be like to be so carefree — to not care about who she was kissing as long as it brought her pleasure — pushed away the thoughts as to why Aaron’s kisses had never ignited those sparks she had always heard of. They were silent for a moment, Jennifer’s eyes glazed over and focused on a streetlight, deep in thought.

Emily found her own gaze wandering to Jennifer’s lips, the way they were pursed into a slight pout as she thought, found herself wondering what it would feel like to kiss a girl. She wondered if there would be those fireworks she had read about in the romance novels she hid from her mother — the ones she was forbidden from reading but always snuck home from the library under a sweater in her backpack, hiding them in a box in the depths of her closet until she had the time to read them.

“Hey, Jen?” She had so much she wanted to ask but not enough words to say what was on her mind.

Emily had always been fixated on learning, not just in an academic sense. She wanted to know everything about everyone — wanted to know the little experiences that culminated in the person that they came to be, the things that shaped them and helped them grow. It was something her mother never cultivated or encouraged, and for that reason she seemed to be fixated on it even more.

“Hmm?”

“Before you kissed her, how did you…” She trailed off, bottom lip ensnared between her teeth. She was unsure of how to say it — how to voice her own questions without sounding like she was prying or asking too much.

“How did I come to the conclusion that I was pretty sure I was gay?”

“Yeah, that.” Emily’s eyes were trained on Jennifer’s lips, watched the way she talked and the ever present subtle smile hiding behind her words. “Only if you want to tell me.”

“No, I don’t mind. Pass me that bottle.” Her fingers grazed Emily’s as she took the drink from her, taking a long swig from the bottle before clearing her throat. “I guess I always knew I was definitely not straight. None of my celebrity crushes were men… not even my teacher crushes.”

Emily’s mind briefly wandered to Mrs. Blake and how much she liked her — questioned for a second if it was a crush or just that she liked being a teacher’s pet. She put it out of her mind, eyes trained on Jennifer as she spoke.

“Do you remember when I briefly dated Will in the beginning of ninth grade?”

“Lamontagne?” Emily had a hazy memory of the beginning of ninth grade, so consumed with student council, French club, cheer, and her other activities. “As in FFA cowboy Will? The transfer with the funny accent?”

They both laughed, Jennifer nodding. There was a faint flush coloring her cheeks, most likely embarrassed by the memory. It wasn’t that he was unpopular, he was just everything that Jennifer wasn’t — while she was captain of the soccer team, he was getting up in the early hours of the morning to tend to cows and chickens before school. The more Emily thought of it, she had a vague recollection of Jennifer dating Will briefly at one point — laughed to herself when she realized just how funny of a couple they would be, sporty Jennifer beside Will in his signature cowboy hat and boots.

“I take it the relationship didn’t work out?”

“Not even enough to pretend.” Jennifer laughed softly, shaking her head. “I didn’t do a lot with him but there was no attraction — no excitement. It was a pretty firm idea in my head when we broke up… the gayness, I mean.”

“There were no fireworks?”

Jennifer was silent for a moment, bottom lip ensnared between her teeth as she pondered the question. Emily was right in describing it as lackluster, definitely not anywhere near the fireworks they had read about in books as children or seen in the romance films their mothers watched — but she wasn’t sure if she had ever felt those fireworks for anyone before. After a few minutes of quiet deliberation, she shook her head, confirming Emily’s thought.

“But there were fireworks with Elle? And other girls, I’m assuming.”

“Yes and no, I guess.” JJ pursed her lips in thought before offering Emily a reassuring smile. “There weren’t fireworks, but I knew it was right — more right than kissing a man, you know?”

Emily hummed out a vague noise in understanding, smiled back at Jennifer in an unguarded way she reserved for very few people. Her mind wandered to her own sexuality — or lack thereof — wondered if her lack of fireworks was from kissing the wrong person or the wrong gender entirely.

They sat in silence for a while, both reclined on the roof and looking at the moon above them while the night air turned from cool to cold. Jennifer shivered, palms of her hands rubbing at her biceps, and Emily kicked herself for not bringing a blanket out. She didn’t want to ruin the moment — to break the comfortable silence between them by clambering back inside — decided to pull off her sweater instead, work over a button down blouse and tucked into her mini skirt.

“Here, take this.”

She handed Jennifer the sweater, bit back a small smirk at the way the argyle sweater would look over ripped skinny jeans and a band tee. They both sat up slightly, Emily watching transfixed as Jennifer slipped her sweater on, smiling brightly and murmuring a shy thanks.

“Pre-warmed, I like it.”

Emily tried to ignore the butterflies in her stomach when she looked at Jennifer in her sweater — wondered if this was the way Aaron felt when she wore his letterman jacket. She reasoned with herself that she was probably being ridiculous, this wasn’t anywhere near the same, she had simply loaned a sweater to her friend.

Somehow, her eyes kept wandering back to Jennifer’s face, watched her quietly as a ghost of a smile tugged at the corners of her lips. The way Jennifer’s eyes shone with a silent wonder, watching the cars go down the road made Emily’s heart clench — made her wish she could find a quiet joy in the little things.

“Have you ever thought about it?” Jennifer’s voice was raspy, cleared her throat before looking over at Emily. “Kissing a girl, I mean.”

“Yeah.” She nodded, tried to keep her tone calm and even — tried not to show her curiosity. “I’ve never… but I’ve wondered.”

“Never acted on it?”

“No. My first kiss was in eleventh grade.”

Jennifer tried not to act shocked by Emily’s admission, but it was almost unbelievable to her that someone as cool and popular as Emily had only recently been kissed. She cocked her head, idly wondered if Aaron was Emily’s first — not just kiss, everything— made a mental note to ask him if Emily was his first too.

“Was it Hotch?”

“Yeah, it was Aaron.”

A small smile played on Emily’s lips at the memory — remembered it like it had been yesterday. They had been dating for a few weeks and she had told him that she wouldn’t kiss him until the time was right — didn’t believe in kissing before he even got to know her. They had been to dinner and were walking around her neighborhood hand in hand, stopped in front of the duck pond where she ultimately let him bend and kiss her. She laughed softly to herself, thought that it would have been truly perfect if there had been those fireworks, but there weren’t — only a tingle of something in the pit of her stomach when their mouths connected.

She never understood the point of kissing — never understood how it was as pleasurable as people described it. Emily remembered Elle telling her about making out with Luke during a movie, so absorbed in each other they barely watched the film, and she just couldn’t fathom how kissing someone could be that good — could be anything other than the awkward chaste meshing of two pairs of lips.

“I… have a question.” She kicked herself for even opening her mouth, took a swig of amber liquid from the bottle so she could blame it on the alcohol.

“Hm?”

“Is it — kissing, I mean — good? It’s always felt so awkward with Aaron…”

Jennifer let out a small noise of agreement, lips pursing and brows furrowing in thought before smiling — so gently and warmly that it made Emily’s stomach flutter. There was no judgement in her tone, in her gaze, only inviting warm energy that made her feel safe and unashamed.

“It depends on who you’re kissing. When I kissed Will? It was awkward and bad. But when I’m kissing a girl I’m definitely aware of how gay I am — I could seriously kiss a girl for hours. Their lips are soft and it’s just better… like butterflies.”

Emily nodded, let Jennifer’s answer sink in, her mind wandering. She wondered if she would like kissing a girl — if it would be any different. If those butterflies would worm their way into her stomach the way Jennifer described. She couldn’t be gay — not with a boyfriend that she found unashamedly attractive — but wondered if there was a halfway point between gay and straight, decided to put that out of her mind for a moment.

“I’ve always thought about it. Trying it with a girl.”

“Do you want to…? We could, just to see.”

She felt her heart race at Jennifer’s suggestion, at the way her stomach flipped with nervous butterflies. Her mind was a bit too hazy to rationally think — to sort out the pros from the cons, consider the offer clearly. Emily’s drunken mind reasoned that no, it wouldn’t be cheating on Aaron because sometimes girls kiss their friends — it could be like practicing to be better for him.

After a moment, Emily nodded, slow and deliberate. She sat up, pushed the glass bottle back through the window into her bedroom before turning to Jennifer, a nervous half smile on her lips. She wondered if she would be good — if Jennifer, with more experience in general, would think she was inexperienced.

Jennifer sat up, scooting towards her so they were sitting nestled in each other — Emily’s legs thrown over Jennifer’s lap. She cupped Emily’s cheek, thumb stroking over the soft skin, eyes trained on her lips just barely an inch apart.

“Are you sure?” Jennifer’s voice was raspy, barely heard, her lips brushing against the corner of Emily’s mouth as she waited for an answer — if she was sure she wanted to go through with it.

Emily could barely choke out an answer, heart thudding in her chest and stomach flipping. She couldn’t tell if it was desire or anxiety, but rather liked the way it felt — the way she felt wanted and cared about.

“Yes, I’m sure.” Her voice was too soft to even be a whisper, eyes fluttering shut. “You can kiss me.”

There was a sharp intake of breath from both of them as their lips connected, Jennifer pulling Emily into her. It was like the world slowed down, and nothing mattered between them other than the press of their lips, the way Jennifer exhaled against Emily’s lips and let her tongue dance out and brush across her bottom lip.

When they finally pulled apart after what felt like a few seconds and an eternity all rolled into one, they were both flushed, cheeks pinkened and chests heaving. There was a soft smile on Jennifer’s face, eyes shining in a way that made Emily’s heart leap.

Emily tried to ignore the fact that in all the times she had kissed Aaron, she had never felt anything like this — so good and true. Her stomach felt like it was fluttering, lips tingling from the touch. Was this the fireworks? The dull burn in the pit of her stomach was almost distracting — almost made her miss Jennifer’s soft murmur of a question.

“What’d you say?”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I’m good.” Emily smiled, tried to look anywhere but at Jennifer’s lips — settled on her sparkly blue eyes instead. “You?”

“I’m okay. No hard feelings, right?”

Emily nodded, glad that nothing would be weird between them. Jennifer was her first friend outside of her mother’s influence — the first friend that looked past her outward appearance and got to know the person she was, outside of the cheerleading, rich girl exterior shell of a person she hated so much.

“So… still straight?”

“Yeah, still straight.”

Emily forced a laugh, afraid to admit the butterflies in her stomach and tingling in her lips from a simple, chaste kiss from her friend — tried to push back the feelings of confusion and desire, of something suddenly clicking and giving way to a new level of questioning herself, questioning everything she thought she knew.

“Good. Wouldn’t want to turn you gay.”

“You could never.”

#i dont know anything but i know i miss you #jennifer jareau #jemily #emily prentiss #jj #elle greenaway #will lamontagne #technically hotchniss is canon in this #my writing

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popculturebuffet · 4 years

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Mission Hill Review: Plan 9 From Mission Hill or I Married a Gay Man From Outer Space!

Commission for @weirdkev27. Hallowen Havoc marches on! For my first commission ever, I take a look at the cult classic mission hill’s final produced episode and one of it’s most loved. Kevin’s visit to an x rated movie pays off less with boobs and more with a friendship with his elderly gay neighbor and film buff wally and a new appreciation for cinema, only for this new friendship to nearly end over Kevin’s good natured attempt to spotlight Wally’s only film, the man from pluto. Gay spaceman, a touching gay love story, and a surprisingly likeable guy with a neckbeard insue. Spoilers and full recap FROM PLUTO, under the cut.

Well this was a nice suprise. After the utterly draining process of my review of “Let’s Get Dangerous”, it was a nice suprise to find out one of my handful of fans had tried to comission me a while back and I hadn’t realized it, and I was happy to oblige him. I was even happier when I found out what his commission was: Plan 9 From Mission HIll, an episode i’d planned to cover for pride but got squeezed out due to how little i’d planned the month out in advance, a lesson I still REALLY need to learn. Regardless not only was it a nice, funny, and heartwarming ep to cover after the sheer amount of analysis and recapping the last one took, I realized it ended up fitting the spooky season, as there’s just as much fun to be had in truly fantastic horror movies like “Nightmare on Elm Street”, “Get Out”, “Child’s Play”, “Tales from the Hood” and “The Thing” as there is from so bad it’s great horror films like “House (The Japanese one), C.H.U.D. II: Bud The Chud, Terror Toons and House Shark. Seriously watch House Shark i’ts hilarious. Hell I fully plan on watching the Gary Busey film Hider in the House tomorrow. I mean it’s a film about hollywood’s favorite nutball living in the walls and attic of someone’s house. What’s not to love? Maybe it might be entirely boring but that’s the risk you sometimes take to find so bad it’s gold filmaking. Plus cheeestastic films like these are the reason we have the classsic and incomprable mystery science theater 3000 and it’s succesor rifftrax. So while I need to watch more of them, I have a spot in my likely overtaxed heart for this kind of film, and as a result this episode resonated with me on rewatch in a way it didn’t the first time around, even if it was still my faviorite.

Backing up a bit as usual I like to give my history with a show first time covering it: Mission HIll was one of a handful of shows picked up by Adult Swim in it’s early days. Since most of Adult Swim’s early originals were 11 minutes at a time when this was still a new and radical thing they were doing having 11 minute shows that weren’t sold as half hour pairs of 11 minute episodes, they likely needed more shows to fill up the air and clevelry simply bought the rights to several shows that had only had one season, along with Family Guy and Futurama which as history would bear out both made the shows into huge names in the animation industry but brought both back.. though in Family Guy’s case sometimes dead is better. Point is, several shows got a second life thanks to Cartoon Network if sadly not more seasons, with the sole exception of the utter classic Home Movies which I really need to talk about at some point, and thus are really more associated with Adult Swim than their original networks. Hell before doing this review I genuinely didn’t know what Mission HIll’s original networks. But now you know the framework this show came out in what IS Mission Hill anyway?

MIssion Hill was a cartoon from the wonderful brains of Bill Oakely and Josh Weinstein, no relation to the MST3K one who due to this confusion now goes by J. Elvis Weinstein instead, who showran the simpsons and did some great episodes, my faviorte of there’s being $pringfield, aka the casino one.

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The show was about Andy, a 24 year old slacker whose happily lazing about after college in his loft with his friends Jim, a stoic but friendly stoner played by Brian Posehn, and Posey, a sensitive hippie. However when he goes to pickup his childhood dog he ends up with an unexpected roomate: His nerdy, sheltered and neurotic brother Kevin, who has a love of sci fi, a type a personality and a habit of going bling blong to focus when studying or just whenever. He’s also voiced by future robin and future psychopath claming to be robin Scott Mellinville. Also in the building are Carlos and Natalie, an unemployed artist and college professor and their baby Nameless. I forgot they existed. And of course saving the best for last we have the brother’s neighbors, and a very early gay couple for animated television Wally and Gus, played by the legendary Tom Kenny and Nick Jameson who hasn’t done much of note but does a great job anyway. Wally is a fastudious, Gus is angry and very brooklyn, but the two genuinely love each other, makeout frequently, with their first showing off the two as a gay couple, and are an adorable but very beliviable couple. It’s part of WHY I wanted to spotlight them. The late 90′s/early 2000′s, the show originally aired in 99 and into 2000 and aired on adult swim in the early 2000 for the curious, were not a great time to be gay in animation with most gay characters used as punchlines and hardly any queer stories. Not only that but just a year earlier will and grace had to have one overly camp chracter and one “regular” gay character in order to get made. Granted that show has it’s issues but still, the point stands having a gay couple that plays fairly realistically, is shown to both be sexually active and love each other and who’ve been together for decades was a hell of a step for a medium where Family Guy around the same time had a joke with the punchline “Whoa transvestite back off!” Granted Family Guy would do far worse to both the gay and trans communities, but we’ll get to that someday. Or sooner if you commission me, but I swear if you do I will pull a gary busey on your house. Point is not only is it INCREIDBLY forward for it’s time but it holds up even now. There’s a reason the creators are working on a spinoff/revivial focused on the two and a reason these two tend to be one of the most talked about elements of the show. That and frankly their hilarious having realistic banter.. and also having one episode where Gus has a knife in his head for a whole episode. It helps that this episode, their spotlight one and the last one produced, is also one fo the series best. So with all that build up let’s take a look shall we?

We open with Kevin passing a theater showing x rated movies and are shown, over a bunch of times of him passing it him condeming it publicly but his tone clearly telegraphing the classic battle between a teenage boy and his dick. Dick wins and Kevin heads inside and gives us... this.

.... If you will excuse me, please enjoy the musical stylings of the late great Zorak while I go shower the “EeEEEEEEUUUUGGggggggHHHhhuuuuuuggghhhhhhhhewwwwuuuuugggghhhhggooooodddddddwwwyyyyyy” off me.

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God rest his soul. Okay i’m good now. Thankfully this isn’t an episode about Kevin getting addicted to x-rated theater, and they already did an episode about him masturbating. No really it actually had a good message as Kevin was so embarassed about the incident, he nearly let two other guys, granted not remotley good people who were stealing from there anyway, take the fall. Andy even ends up giving a great speech coming to his defense

“People, you mock this boy, but it's your fault he's here today. Your hypocrisy has made this boy a prisoner, terrified of his own sexuality. So much so that he'd rather send two relatively-innocent men to prison than admit he looks at pornography! He thinks his natural urges are filthy and perverted, and why? Because of your conspiracy of silence! Nobody dares admit the truth - that you're all just like him!”

IT’s a damn good moment and a good message. That sadly is still relevant as America still views sex as worse than violence for some weird reason. At least he has the internet now. Anywho when Kevin goes to see what’s up he runs into Wally who explains the confusion: He’s just showing old “X-Rated films”. Now some of you are probably wondering “Wait non-porn films used to use that?” Or “Wait what’s an x-rating?” Well while I knew some films did used to do that I was honestly curious myself as to why it was retired and why porn films got to use it and took a quick hop to google to find out reading both the wikipedia article for the rating and this vulture article on the subject to get a slightly deeper look at it.

It’s actually quite intresting as I genuinelly also didn’t know when the MPAA ratings started for films: When the rating’s board started in 1968 there were four raitings: G, GP (Later flipped to PG), R and X. X was the modern equivlent of today’s R really, and films like Last Tango in Paris, Midnight Cowboy and a Clockwork Orange, with Orange even having a poster up at the cinema in this episode and Midnight Cowboy being part of the plot very soon. We’ll get to that in the moment. Point is it allowed filmakers to push the envelope break barriers all that good stuff and makes me curious about those very films, which is a good thing as i’ll admit to not being exactly a film buff. But as Kevin’s confusion here shows, eventually the porn industry took a hold of it, using the X as a way to get sex movies into regular cinemas and have an air of legitimacy, hence why Debbie Does Dallas was a mainstream hit.. and yes that’s an actual film that I only know about thanks to I Love the 70′s. If your wondering why the MPAA just couldn’t you know, tell them to know or why they didn’t take over other ratings it turns out for some weird reason why the G and R ratings were owned by them, and later PG , they forgot to trademark X and by the time they even thought of it it was too late. Hence terms like XXX rated and what not or the ungodly stupid XXX porn parodies. Just.. just give them actual names and slap “A porn parody” ont he end if you want to avoid a lawsuit. Naturally the film industry struck back and X soon went from a way to have daring, interesting films.. to basically a threat by the MPAA that your film wouldn’t be carried by any major distributors if it had one, with Dawn of the Dead having to just go unrated just to get distributed. The 80′s brought the killing stroke: With the rise of big theater chains, mall theaters with restrictions I wasn’t aware of, and big home video outlets like blockbuster that didn’t carry porn, the x rating was well and truly dead and the MPAA lukewarmly added NC-17 which serves the same bullshit purpose as theaters still refuse to carry them and the MPAA still uses it for essenitally the same reason. Nothing changed! If your wondering why people sometimes have problems with the MPAA, yeah there’s your answer, as they could’ve campaigned harder for NC-17 but clearly enjoyed having a raiting to hold over films heads.

So yeah if you don’t know, know you know bud, let’s move on. So yeah Wally explains the confusion and decides to educate Kevin on film by showing him Midnight Cowboy, with John Voight “Before his head looked like a radish” and Dustin Hoffman. Also Andy brings up Sphere.. a film I also know nothing about. Hang on... checking Letterboxd and okay. It’s a Dustin Hoffman starring Sci-Fi film about a research team investigating a mysterious sphere at the bottom of the sea. Huh.. I prefer Cube myself but to each his own. But once Kevin clams up he really enjoys it. Will grant the episode lays it on a tad thick, with Kevin comparing the film to , of all things, Armageddon. I mean I get MIcheal Bay is a good metric for crowd pleasing schlock but still, even nerds have standards. My standards aren’t very high at times mind as I still want to watch this sometime today.

But I still think even awkward teens have better standards. Then again one of my faviorite films at the time was Saving Silverman which while I can’t hate it due to nostalgia , having watched it from 5th grade well into my teens, I can see was not very good. Though it did have R. Lee Ermy being both really funny and turning out to be gay so that was awesome.

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And he does make a good point that heroes like Ratzzo Rizzo don’t go well on Taco Bell cups.. though it also feels weird to me in 2020 where while not big sellers films with deep stories and unlikeable heroes are some of the biggest on tv and one of them was one of the greatest animated series of the last decade, so things must’ve been pretty damn bleak in 1999. The two also run into Gus who wants dinner and a fight ensues between the couple about the fact Gus owns a restraunt, could just bring his lunch etc. It’s hilarious and as I said I like how they feel like a couple you’d meet in real life. Sadly I don’t have an elderly gay couple in my neighborhood but here’s hoping. Or maybe i’ll be the neighborhoods wally when I grow up who knows. Also Tom Kenny’s delivery is great.

Kevin later relays his fun day to his loftmates, with Andy expressing genuine suprise at Wally’s job and love of art house cinema, as none of them knew what he actually did. Andy’s genuinely shocked and mildly appalled they’ve lived near Wally for so long but having no idea what he does.. but really I had a sweet old lady, Delores who lived next to me for almost my entire life before she moved to be closer to her family, visited her house frequently pet her cats, went to her house after school at one point.. and I cannot tell you what he did, so it’s incredibly relatable. However in a scene that’s both hilarious but also really, really sweet, the three relate that they do know him well and due to being neighbors after all and know Gus and Wally’s morning routine: They wake up at 8, Wally brews the Coffee, Gus reads him the funnies, then they shower together while singing college fight songs, and then, with Jim saying this part so picture it in Brian Posehn’s voice please you won’t regret it, argue or have gay sex and then it’s off to work. It’s really sweet, both in showing off their well worn dynamic with each other, and the fact that the loftmates really DO know these two even if they dont’ know everything and they are close in their own way. Kevin can only give out a “Hm” in response... which is probably the closest he can get to saying touche without breaking into nerdy giggles.

Cue the good times montage as Wally introduces Kevin to Ingmar Bergman, who I have heard of even if i’ve never seen any of them, and some director I never heard of who made old timey comedies apparently. IT’s a really nice sequence. Kevin also shows 2001: A Space Oddesy to his friends, who are bored to tears by it while Kevin’s enraptured. Which I would say was another heavy-handed swipe at late 90′s cinema but being a teen myself who had mostly watched things like Star Wars, I did not gel with 2001 and need to rematch it at some point, so I totally relate to his friends utter boredom and confusion with it given it’s rep. It’s a visually stunning film. I will however stand by not liking Star Trek: The Motion Picture, as that film TRIES to be 2001 but is instead just really, REALLY boring.

But naturally things can be entirely good natured bonding between an elderly gay man and , as Wally puts it in the best line of the episode “The son god never wanted me to have”, as Kevin notices a film coming up that Wally apparently made, and looks to star gus. Wally panics and shoos his young protégé away... which yeah he could’ve just you know told him he doesn’t like the film or anything else and prevented this episode but then we wouldn’t of seen the gay equilvent of plan 9 from outer space so fair enough.

At the Gus’ Diner, the loftmates and their neighbors I mentioned earlier look over the poster, and we find out from Gus that that is him, and he starred in a movie.. and naturally Wally explained never showing it to his husband in the simplest way possible: By claming a shark ate it. You know while I watched the show I didn’t quite get it when I was younger and it’s probably why it took me decades to revisit it.. but I wish I had sooner this show is REALLY damn funny and i’m really looking forward to that spinoff with Wally and Gus.

Wally continues to dodge Kevin, so Kevin, trying to find info about the film and it being lost, goes to the video store.. back when those existed. Something I have to give the show is honestly the use of vhs, visits to video stores, and the movies Kevin mentions are the only things that really date this film. While swapping another Dustin Hoffman film in proved impossible, it is plausible Kevin would see it streaming somewhere. and it’s easy enough to swap Armageddon for Rise of Skywalker given that film’s just as good.. Last Jedi was excellent though. Point is this story REALLY holds up, which is the sign of a good story: where even if some elements are stamped to the time, the story itself could easily be told again with few changes. It’s also why i’m not AGAINST Reboots, as my coverage of ducktales makes obvious: As long as stories can still be told or you can retell a story in a unique and intresting way, it’s fine to reuse something. I do think hollywood overdoes it, but I’ve never thought there was genuine harm in it or reviving old franchises. It’s all in how you do it. But yeah while the local video store dosen’t help at all, Andy happens to know just the man for the job, though Jim and Posey nope out of going with them. Also something to note is the series animation: It’s animated like an old 30′s cartoon or a comic strip, modernized a bit in color and realisim, but still having comic strip stuff like shaking head lines, heat lines coming off coffee that sort of thing. I really love it.

Anyways the brothers head off to a funky out of the way video store, I wish there were more hole in the wall used media stores where I lived. We mostly have chains like Vintage Stock and Half-Priced Books, though I genuinely love both of those stores and VIntage Stock is the modern equilvent of places like blockbuster honestly. Anyway after Beardo confuses Kevin for an Employee kevin asks him about the man from pluto which Beardo reveals he knows about but is very rare and has few prints. I like Beardo.. he’s a neckbeard who seems more liable to complain abotu some reboot on the fact their rebooting it again rather than “gasp” women are involved. I prefer my neckbeards just a tad pretentious rather than you know, sexist, homophobic, deranged assholes with nothing better to do. I mean i’m still living at home and didn’t get out much before the pandemic either but you dont’ see me bitching every time a franchise gets a female lead.

Anyway, Kevin is inspired by that and with help from everyone gets the word out about the film. As you’d expect though this can’t end well, as Wally tries avoiding the premire entirely (And we get a great bit where Jim happens to see him trying to flee down the fire escape and Wally’s expression is priceless)

Huh.. I bet that’s what Rob Reiner when North had it’s premire. As you can probably guess the showing dosen’t go well: The film itself is a hilarious combination of the day the earth stood still (the general plot as we’ll find out more in a second) and Plan 9 From Outer Space (A cheestatic no budget film with a hulking man brute who can’t act as the lead), and in catching the feel of a b-movie it’s utterly perfectly done. This film would go perfect on MST3K and the audience’s howls of laughter agrees with me.

Wally however is utterly humiliated and doesn’t want to speak to Kevin which.. yeah is about the only issue I have with an otherwise marvelous episode. While I get Wally’s humiliation was Kevin’s fault.. Kevin GENUINELY meant well. While Kevin is book smart at his core he’s a dumb kid who didn’t know any better and didn’t realize Wally hated his film and it’s Wally’s own damn fault for not telling him. Sure Kevin should’ve picked up the hint, but given the kid is oblivious and didn’t even know what an x raiting is it’s clear he’s not the sharpest crayon in the box when it comes to life experince. Wally had every opportunity to just explain his story but didn’t. And I put most of the blame on Wally when he’s you know, the adult. He’s a 60 or so year old man. He should know better. But it really doesn’t take away from the episode entirely. But the loftmates clearly love the film and are quoting bits from it, with jim having a fishbowl on his head, when they run into Wally, though Wally is fine with them admitting it’s crap and he knows it is. We then get what REALLY makes the episode and really makes me primed for a spinoff: Wally and Gus’ backstory, which also makes it obvious the crew was probably going to use the two more had the series got another season.

Anyways it was the 50′s, Archie Andrews was an average teen and not shredded both in muscle and by a bear that one time, Fonzie was out and about and eyying, and Wally was a first unit director given a shot as the studio asked him for a script having utter faith in him. HIs script was a day the earth stood still esque parable on the Cold War.. until he met Gus who, naturally for Gus, was outrunning a ton of police having stumbled on set and likely defeated them all bare handed because Gus is as incredible as the hulk and likely also comes back through a glowing green door when he dies. So Wally made the tragic mistake of mixing his love life with his career, and lost both Kurt Douglas, who he bumped down from lead for Gus, and Charleton Hesston who just walked off and they got a dinkier stage and worse actors as a result. The resulting film ended Wally’s career but he was able to sell the rights to cinemas to make enough for them to start over in mission hill and buy the diner.. and at least they had each other. It’s a really great story that explains why it upsets Wally so much: This was his baby and while he dosen’t even for one second regret meeting gus or the life they’ve had, he regrets that his one film was a total trainwreck and goes off to the theater to mope as he plays his film for laughing crowds, as it was naturally held over. I mean when you get the next plan 9 from outer space, this was a bit before the room mind you, you hold onto that shit.

Kevin, who heard the whole thing, goes to mope by watching what is likely a MIcheal Bay film, who was a target even then folks. Oh you poor poor fools you knew not how much worse it could get... i.e. robot testicles. Just.. robot testicles. And their MAKING A DELUXE MOVIE DEVISTATOR. Why. Just.. why who wanted this after that scene. He’s sworn off good movies as he feels he no longer deserves them. Andy however bluntly tells him to cut the pity party, while he’s moping his friend really needs him and when you love somebody, you put your pants on for them. When you love somebody you see it to the end, when you love somebody the conclusions forgone when you love somebody you put your big boy pants right onnnnn! ... I’ll put the song at the end. Point is Kevin goes to help his friend, and as Wally is moping in the projection booth and wonders what he was thinking Kevin tells him the obvious truth: He was thinking of how far he’d go. “You taught me the best films are personal stories.. and this film is your valentine to Gus” While Wally starts to break a little, he does point out it doesn’t make it good.. but Kevin rightly counters that he’s not so sure of it. Wally sees the audience enjoying the film and goes down, with all of them carrying red light bulbs like the one gus has to show when he’s mad in the film. And Wally finally realizes waht I got to in the beginning: It doesn’t matter if a film’s good or bad, what matters is someone enjoys it. A film can be utterly terrible, and still be good. It can be a mess and still have merit. And Wally finally realizes it doesn’t matter if it’s the film he wanted, it’s the film he made for his future husband, it’s a film that brings laughter and sticks in people’s heads and really brings them a godo time. It’s a film worth remembering and Wally finally accepts that and his film as his own. Later that night Kevin and Wally exit the theater, with Wally no longer mad at him and the two still friends or as Wally puts it in the second best line of the episode “As close as an elderly gay man and a straight boy can be” Awwww. The two depart and we get a touching final scene as Wally comes home and finds a bottle of wine and a note from gus saying he has a suprise for him> Turns out Gus put on his old space helmet.. but fell asleep in it. So we get a really nice tender moment as Gus takes the helmet off, smooches his husband on his bald head and smiles brightly as the episode ends.

Final Thoughts on The Man From Pluto or I Married a Gay Man From Outer Space: Before you ask each episode had two titles for funzies, the first one to get past the censors and the second for fun and likely what they would’ve gone with if they could. As for this episode.. it’s spectacular. It holds up well even 20 years later, it’s touching, sweet and really damn funny and makes me want to rewatch the show as a whole again. I highly recommend seeking it out and hope mission hill is eventually made officially available somewhere. Till then you can find the whole series including this episode on YouTube and despite being the last one you could easily watch this one first if you want and it’s a decent enough intro to the show as a whole. I highly recommend it, an utter pleasure to watch. If you liked this review, you can comission your own by PMing me on this very blog, just mention you want to do a comission and we can talk it out. As this review proves, it dosen’t have to be a show i’ve done before or even one that’s remotely recent. Hell i’d gladly do Fonz and The Happy Days gang, the animated happy days spinoff that’s like dr. who but with the Fonz. Yes really. Whatever you want i’ll do it as long as it’s not porn for just 5 bucks an episode and 10 for a movie. YOu can also join my patreon, and for 2 dollars a month get acess to my discord (that i’ll start once I get patreons) and once I get enough patreons exclusive polls or 10 bucks for all of that and a review of your choice each month. You can find said patreon right here. And even 1 buck a month would be apricated if you can spare it and if not simply reblog this and share it around. You can also follow this blog for weekly ducktales, loud house and amphibia coverage as they come out. I’d also personally thank WeirdKev27 for both being a long time fan of this blog and for the comission.

Until we meet again say safe, wear a mask, check your atttic for Gary Busey and happy Halloween! Play us out Mr Heere!

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#mission hill #reviews #plan 9 from mission hill #commission #bill oakley #john weinstein #lbgtq #adult swim #kevin french #Gus Duncz #Wally Langford #andy french #jim kubach #posey tyler #brian posehn #scott menville

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angrycowboy · 4 years

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So my original idea was to just tackle my thoughts on RNM’s portrayal of Michael Guerin’s bisexuality, which is something I have loved a lot. But then 2x06 aired, and we got some beautiful insight into Alex Manes, and I had to shift gears a bit to include that.

Because I know tensions regarding this episode are high, consider this a warning - I am going to talk about Michael and Alex, and a bit about the airstream scene in 2x06. And I am going to discuss how it has resonated with me in a positive way. But mostly, this is about how sexuality is complicated, and how amazing it is to see depictions on television that truly make me feel seen.

One of my favorite things about Michael Guerin, and about how RNM has chosen to portray his bisexuality, is that it’s not obvious. He doesn’t feel the need to talk about it, or discuss it - and in fact, only offers it up to Isobel in 1x10 as she’s questioning her own feelings in an effort to make her feel more comfortable. Later in 1x11, he snaps at Max because well, Max has just poked and prodded at him talk (and they’re stuck in the bunker together with nothing else to do). And someone who isn’t comfortable in who they are doesn’t say things like, “It’s not that complicated.” That is something firmly in the camp of yeah, this is who I am, what of it? Because make no mistake, it is incredibly important to me to hear characters like Michael Guerin self-identify on screen as bisexual.

Part of this portrayal can of course, also be attributed to Michael’s upbringing in the foster care system, where talking about himself was never encouraged or allowed. Because I don’t think, given how it is repeatedly reinforced that Michael shunned most aspects of humanity on Earth, that he was ever ashamed of his sexuality. Though I do believe that said upbringing did affect his own feelings of self-worth, and how he saw himself in the eyes of others.

Something I’ve seen mentioned a lot are two interactions we see on screen: between Alex & Maria in 1x10, and between Maria & Liz in 1x13, and the idea that there is “outing” of Michael. And while, I do understand and respect a lot of those arguments, especially regarding their importance regarding the LGBTQ community as a whole, something I don’t see discussed are people who don’t necessarily want to have a formal coming out, or who don’t feel the need to initiate those conversations regarding their sexuality. Even though yes, both Alex and Maria do technically out Michael (though neither do it with any malicious intent), I don't believe that Michael himself would care that other people know he is bisexual (his feelings for Alex are a different story entirely). And part of that may be that he doesn't believe anyone else thinks of him that much to even discuss him due to that upbringing he had, and also because the act of coming out would involve the feeling of being under a microscope (thanks for that wording, Riley), and Michael Guerin would definitely want to avoid that.

But back to my original point - at no point during Season 1 does Michael Guerin give the impression that he is ashamed of his sexuality - the lack of bringing it up first does not read that way to me. It reads more as Michael sees it simply as part of who he is, and that’s it. He can’t change it, and he’s already different (he’s a literal alien, ffs), so why worry about it. It very much reminds me of how I have viewed my own sexuality for years - it is simply just part of who I am. I have never felt the need to sit anyone down and announce my sexuality - in fact, I came out to my mother as I was walking out the door to go on a date. She asked what his name was, and I just replied what her name was.

But there seems to exist this idea within the LGBTQ community that every person needs to have a “coming out.” That we need to be completely in control of who knows, and how they find out, and when they find out, which is not something I agree with completely. Now, also know that I understand the importance of this idea to many, because of rampant homophobic attitudes that remain present within our society. But I see very few people discussing and supporting those of us who would rather not have to announce it in some grand way - because is this not also allowing someone to control their narrative? It has definitely made me wonder how different my own acceptance of my sexuality could have been had I believed that it wasn’t a requirement for me to come out to the people in my life (an idea which sends my anxiety into a tailspin, tbh).

Again, this is just my perspective regarding the overall portrayal of Michael’s bisexuality. It is not meant to act as a correct version, just sharing why I have particularly enjoyed what RNM has done.

But it was not Michael Guerin that made me want to write fanfic, and it was not Michael Guerin that truly made me love this show - it was in fact, Alex Manes. It was Alex Manes, who is confrontational, who is analytical, who needs facts first and who lives so much within his own head, that truly drew me into this show. Alex Manes who very clearly has struggled not with the fact that he is gay, but with that outward expression of his sexuality. In canon, this is very much due to the trauma of his childhood, to growing up in an abusive household that rejected everything about who he was as a person, and tried to force him into a box that was very much not who he is. And while I did not have that kind of upbringing, the idea of believing you won’t be accepted even among the people who should love you unconditionally is a universal feeling within the LGBTQ community.

Alex’s talk with Maria in the truck is perhaps some of the most relatable queer representation I’ve ever seen. Because it dives into the different types of love and attraction and how not every touch between two people needs to be sexual in nature. And it lays out very plainly how important it is to have trust between people. But it’s also about recognizing what you do want, and accepting that for yourself. And that conversation is so important toward understanding what happens later on in the Airstream.

Because Alex, due to his upbringing, doesn’t believe that he is worthy of being loved in that way. When Maria comforts Michael over the realization that he could have lost both of them, Alex says he should go, not because he doesn’t want to be there. He says it because he feels like he shouldn’t be allowed to be there, to want to be there. Alex feels like an intrusion, even though he’s gone through the same horrifying ordeal and he’s with two people he loves and feels safe around. Maria recognizes that immediately, and moves back to Alex in order to give him the safety he needs as well. Maria is acting in regards to both of the boys love languages - Alex needs that physical touch of reassurance (kissing him), Michael needs to hear it verbally (”it’s okay”). And furthermore, they all need each other in that moment (”I just want us all safe”).

But it is specifically Alex’s speech in the truck earlier, about touch and self-acceptance that has me sobbing every time I watch it. Because even though I got my first crush on a girl as a teenager, it wasn’t until years later that I actually allowed myself to act on that. It was only years later that I learned just how different my attraction toward men and women really was, that I enjoyed different things for different reasons from the different sexes and that was okay. So that speech has just really resonated with me as a bisexual woman who struggled for years with acceptance of her sexuality, of being able to act on it, and it makes me incredibly happy to see a television show (A CW SHOW ABOUT COWBOY ALIENS OK) conquering these things in such a relatable way.

All of this ended up making me go back to something Chasing wrote last year about Michael’s bisexuality, and the portrayal we’re seeing, and something she said in her meta: “No one is harder on queer representation and queer media than queer people - and I get it. We’ve had so much bad representation and we’re sick of it and that’s understandable. But it’s turned into this thing where every slice of representation has to be Perfect or it’s Garbage, and it’s leading creators to not want to try because they’re so harshly run off every time they do. And when they don’t try, they don’t learn, and when they don’t learn, they don’t do better.” So maybe the rep isn’t perfect, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a valiant effort being made to reach out to an underrepresented community. And for me personally, the depiction doesn’t have to be perfect, because people aren’t perfect, and sexuality isn’t one size fits all. What may make one person feel seen and understood, another may not see themselves represented at all - but that’s okay. Because with more representation in media, comes different tellings and stories, and comes different ways people can relate because the queer community is not a monolith. We all look at things through different lenses and experiences, but it becomes hurtful when those who don’t see themselves represented in a specific piece of media start telling those who do that they are wrong. And I wish more people would take that into consideration during discussions and criticisms.

Finally, I want to end with this gif, because woo boy. This face and that look. I know that look. I have made that look. This look is so goddamn recognizable and familiar. Because there’s also something about knowing you’re watching an actor who has probably also gone through a lot of these same feelings the character is expressing, that it just comes through in their performance and makes it all the more relatable and real (and especially how even the script itself makes it obvious it was written by people in the queer community).

#roswell new mexico #roswell nm meta #rnm 2x06 airstream scene #michael guerin #alex manes #not really malexa #but a little malexa #notso writes meta #also some of my own personal thoughts #does any of this makes sense #i have no idea but i needed to finally get it all out #i love alex manes and michael guerin a lot ok

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pynkhues · 4 years

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I’m sure you’ve already gotten a bunch of asks since Manny’s Crime King interview! I’m just like confused about him saying he’s enamored by her world but honestly like how is his different (besides his obvious commitment to the game) he lives in a nice loft, takes his kid to baseball, drives a fancy car, and plays tennis at the club. It’s not like he’s living the life of a thug. I guess I’m not getting the exact contrast of their worlds.

(Rest of my ask) I’m probably missing some obvious point here which is why I’m asking you lol helllppp

I do think Rio’s enamoured with Beth’s world, yes! I think that really boils down to the fact that while on paper Beth and Rio aren’t living dissimilar lives in terms of their roles as parents, and while they obviously now share parts of the criminal world, I do think the show is actually pretty specific in how it represents those worlds, particularly in terms of the masculine / feminine, and how a part of the curiosity around each other is in viewing one another as a key that both compliments their own world, while also unlocking the other’s one for them.

The gendering of spaces in storytelling – but particularly films and TV is, hilariously, a topic that I’m incredibly passionate about and have both written it a lot in my original work, and written about it a lot for magazines, journals and media sites (I’m actually writing an essay at the moment for a literary journal about LGBTQI cinema and how lesbian romances are highly domesticised [i.e. Portrait of a Lady on Fire, The Handmaiden, The Favourite, The Kids are Alright] while gay romances are usually very pointedly about keeping away from domestic spaces, moving and traveling [i.e. Brokeback Mountain, The Talented Mr Ripley, Moonlight, Midnight Cowboy, even Call Me By Your Name is heavily focused on being Americans abroad aka away from home] but that all feels like a different story, haha).

Luckily for me, Good Girls is actually about as obsessed with the gendering of spaces as I am. It’s a major, major throughline throughout the show for many of the characters, but particularly Beth and Rio, and their intrigue with the other’s spaces – her interest in his powerful, highly masculine one, and his with her deceptively innocent, strongly feminine one – is really central to their intrigue with each other more broadly.

So to talk about this, we probably need a little bit of context.

(Under a cut because this is literally 4,000 words)

Gendering Spaces in Cinema

It’s probably not a surprise to anyone here, but places and spaces in stories are about as gendered – if not more gendered – as they are in daily life. In particular, cinema’s visual and textual language has historically been very clear:

The inside is female. The outside is male.

This concept has really been around since the beginning of cinema but became very popularised through Westerns in the late 1920s onwards, and really underlined by war films particularly during propaganda cinema in WWII. Men are outside, battling the elements and other men, claiming land, building outwards, while women are at home – either literally or figuratively (if they’re actually out at war, like in the utterly fabulous So Proudly We Hail!, they’re at the ‘home base’ as nurses) – building inwards. Men protect the home while women create it.

Westerns feature these images very potently and very literally. Almost every single western dating back to the 1910s will have some combination of these two shots:

a) Woman at home, looking out into the wild:

b) Man leaving home, stepping out into the wild:

(These two stills are from John Ford’s The Searchers which is generally regarded as one of the greatest Westerns of all time. It’s………very racist and misogynistic, as many were and still are, but in terms of technicality and visual language, it’s a very well-made film, albeit not one I enjoyed).

The purpose at the time, of course, was steeped in historic sexism and invested in maintaining that culture, particularly westerns and war films which are heavily devoted to ‘macho’ narratives. Women were passive, men were active, but these images really set the stage for how the ideas of ‘space’ continues to exist in cinema. A fact that’s bolstered by broader social discourses that still exist today – schools, grocery stores, laundromats are inherently ‘female’ spaces because they are seen as an extension of the home, while police stations, car dealerships, warehouses, are inherently ‘male’ spaces because they’re about work, protecting and providing for a home, and being pointedly outside of that domestic space aka ‘the wild’. It’s not an accident that the girls are robbing grocery stores and day spas, but I’ll get back to that, haha.

These ideas of gendered spaces underpin everything we watch, no matter the genre.

Sure, these ideas can be subverted to varying degrees of effectiveness (often it’s steeped in my least favourite trope – the ‘not like other girls’ heroine), but you can’t subvert a trope without actually acknowledging it exists. Sometimes these subversions are done brilliantly too – like in Legally Blonde which was not just about Elle existing in a space that was quintessentially coded as male, but embracing her femininity and womanhood within that space; and often brutally too in films like Winter’s Bone, Room and The Nightingale which all brutalise women in ‘male spaces’ while simultaneously weaponizing female spaces against them – usually the home. The lead character of Winter’s Bone is going to lose her house unless her absent father shows up in court, the lead character of Room creates a home that is simultaneously a sanctuary and a mockery of a sanctuary to try and protect her son from reality and survive, the lead character of The Nightingale has her home invaded, her husband and baby murdered, and is horrifically raped within that home.

Hometown Horror: a divergence

This is a slight aside to where I’m going with this overall, but please indulge me, haha. I’m a big fan of horrors and thrillers, which explore this in a really stark way. In that, the invasion of a home or a domestic space – whether by ghost, demon or serial killer, is, generally speaking, synonymous with the invasion of a woman’s body and the violation of her as a person.

Films that focus on a female survivor or a ‘final girl’ are very generally focused on the invasion of her home as much as it’s focused on the invasion of her body. Think The Exorcist, Rosemary’s Baby, Scream, The Babadook, Hereditary, The Conjuring, Nightmare on Elm Street, Halloween, Panic Room. The violation of a woman’s home is the invasion of her, because cinema relies on over 100 years of movies telling us that a house and the woman who lives in it are symbolically the same thing.

Horror films that focus on men are very rarely centred in the home. It’s men travelling, or men visiting a woman’s home, or men who’ve been taken. Think of the first Saw movie which takes place in a mysterious basement, Hostel which is at a hostel, Dawn of the Dead at a shopping mall, An American Werewolf in London while two men are on holiday, The Evil Dead is in a cabin, Get Out is at his girlfriend’s family home.

There are exceptions, of course! Family home invasion films like The Purge, Funny Games and The Strangers are rooted in the violation of that home, but still. You’ll generally find that it manifests differently narratively speaking for men and women. Rear Window too takes place entirely in a man’s apartment – but it’s interesting to note that most of the ‘horror’ comes from him spying on somebody else’s home – notably a woman’s, The Descent too is very much about women and is set during cave diving. Still! These are all exceptions, not the rule.

Good Girls and Gendered Spaces

Every single space in Good Girls is gendered. It’s actually one of the things I seriously love about the show because it’s thoughtfully done, and it is deliberate. We know it is, because they tell us explicitly in the writing multiple times. I mean – hell, think of Ruby telling us (well, telling Rio, haha) way back at the end of 1.04 when they’re selling him on the idea of washing cash through Cloud 9 – “Nobody thinks twice about a woman buying her husband a TV or new tires for the minivan.” A store like that is gendered, and Ruby’s reinforcing it by saying it’s a place women go to build a home. It hasn’t been weaponized yet - - but our girls know how to weaponize it. They’re playing on the fact that people think women’s spaces are effectively impotent, and they’re telling Rio – and us as an audience – that they’re going to exploit it.

This is an idea the show revisits frequently. Women’s spaces are – both in life and in storytelling – spaces that are viewed as passive because they are representative of women, and what the show is – I believe – very invested in, is showing how those spaces are fundamentally active. If you want a house to represent a woman – well, okay. Then you get to see what’s under the rug, y’know?

I’m going to come back to the home thread – because I really do think it’s very important, and I think the way the show depicts people in those spaces (and invading those spaces) is significant – but it’s not just homes that are looked at in this way. The show is very specific about having feminine spaces and masculine spaces, with only a few in between (and usually those in-between spaces are very specifically for Stan and Ruby, showing just how in-sync they are with each other and how much they operate within a shared space). Beyond the women’s homes, there are the kids’ schools, Fine & Frugal (very important here to note that Annie emasculates Boomer in what is an associated female space and that he retaliates by attempting to rape her in her own home aka not only another female space, but a space that is symbolically Annie, something he repeats later with Mary Pat – a violation on essentially every character, narrative and symbolic level, again), the waxing salon, Nancy’s day spa, Jane’s dance recital (and actually the physical object of the dubby – being a highly feminine object lost in a very masculine space), and already what we know of s3, with Ruby being at a nail salon and Beth being at a paper / card store.

The show also has very masculinized places – I’d argue Boland Motors is one of the biggest ones – very much about ‘boys and their toys’, which is why Beth pointedly feminising it when she takes over is so significant and symbolically indicative of Beth’s claiming of that space; but also spaces like the police station, the drug dealer’s house in 2.07, the hotel suite Boomer briefly occupies, even to an extent the church. When the girls are in these spaces, there’s a distinct feeling of encroaching on territory that isn’t theirs, or being in spaces that they don’t belong in. This is often done as a two-hander too – the police station and the church Ruby doesn’t belong in anymore, not necessarily as a woman, but as a criminal.

Nothing though, from a technical standpoint, is more masculine than the spaces that are shown to be Rio’s. From the warehouse spaces to the bar to his loft to his car, Rio’s ‘places’ are distinctly masculine and generally placed in direct contrast with Beth’s femininity. But I’ll come back to that point too.

Home, Identity and Invasion

Almost every female character on this show has a very defined domestic space, from Beth, Ruby and Annie, to Mary Pat, Marion and Nancy. These spaces are representative of not just who they are, but who they are as women, and really comes to routinely represent the interior lives of these characters. This is probably the clearest in 2.09 when Beth is uncharacteristically messy following Dean taking their kids, and in 2.06, when Beth and Dean switch roles, and Dean is incapable of maintaining that domestic space because it’s not his. But let’s not start there.

Let’s start with Annie.

Annie’s apartment is fun, feminine (but not overly so), youthful, sweet, and generally a bit of organized chaos. It’s often underequipped – there are several mentions of the pantry being understocked – but it’ll always do in a pinch. More than anything though, Annie’s apartment comes to life when her son is in it. She’s happiest when he’s there, and when he’s not, her loneliness drives her to pulling people into the space with her, whether that’s the electronics guy, Greg, or Noah.

This is particularly significant when Annie’s forming bonds with people. The show has symbolically relied very heavily on Annie’s moments of vulnerability and connection being grounded in her apartment or an extension of it – usually her car. There was her reconnecting with Greg over YouTube videos in s1, there was Nancy and her talking about pregnancy in 2.02, and there was Noah settling in across season 2. These are all substantial moments in terms of Annie’s interior life that are represented through her home – she lets them all in. Which is why it’s significant what people do when they are in. Particularly the show marrying Noah getting to know Annie while simultaneously rifling through her belongings, trying to know specific things about her.

This is only reiterated by Noah’s scenes with Sadie later in the season – always at home, reiterating just how much Noah’s invaded Annie’s life, how much he’s inside her, how much he’s using everything and everyone who’s important to her, and how much he’s a threat to all of that too.

Ruby and Stan are a little different. Ruby’s house is the only one that’s genuinely shared with somebody, and the show represents this across the board – Ruby and Stan wear similar colours, the house feels like theirs, and the parts of their worlds that are separate are still frequently pretty defined by each other (even when Ruby’s acting away form Stan, the show makes it clear that Stan’s at the forefront of her mind, and vice versa). This indicates their partnership, but the house really still is symbolically tied to Ruby. This is particularly represented by the effect of having Turner in the house, but, more than that, it’s underlined symbolically by Turner arresting Stan at home. If the home symbolically carries the meaning of the woman, Turner arresting Stan there is starkly about Turner taking Stan away from Ruby. That image would not hold the same weight if he was arrested at, say, the park or the police station, because the locations don’t hold the same meaning.

It’s also why there’s significance in Stan and Turner’s showdown narratively speaking happening at the police station. It needs to, because symbolically it should occupy a masculine-coded space, because that showdown isn’t just about who they are as people, but who they are as men.

Beth and Beth’s house is very, very different to Annie and Ruby’s, and holds a more substantial narrative and symbolic function. From the very first episode, the potential of losing her house is key to her arc, and key to her identity as a character.

Beth is a lot of things, but a recurring image with her as a character is that she is invested in projecting a dated idea of ‘perfect womanhood’, and, within that, actually pretty perfectly creates parts of it for herself. For Beth – as somebody who was a housewife for roughly twenty years – her house really is her in every sense of the word. Every threat to that house, every disruption, every wrinkle, every intrusion, every theft, every invitation is personal. Dean might have at least two rooms in the Boland House, but that space is Beth’s on almost every symbolic level. When people pop into it, it’s a direct invasion of her.

This is something that the show has revisited time and time again, particularly when it comes to Beth’s bedroom. When people want to be close to Beth, that’s where they go. Annie slept there across season one when she was vulnerable and lonely, despite Beth telling her to go home, Jane broke into Beth’s closet there when she felt she was being neglected, Dean’s constantly trying to sidle into it (and – pointedly – only really in it when they’re fighting and Beth is revealing something / letting him in on something – that they’re out of money, that she has Rio’s money, that she knows about his affairs). When Beth has been at her most vulnerable, she lets Ruby and Annie into it. That said, the only character who’s been explicitly invited into it has been Rio – significantly both in fantasy, and in the show’s reality.

It’s not just about inviting people in though – when she kicks somebody out of it, the act is loaded.

She’s not just pushing somebody out of a space, she’s pushing them out of her.

It’s not just her bedroom of course (although I do think that’s the most significant space on perhaps the whole show). Rio and Turner between them have regularly invaded Beth’s living room, dining room, her kitchen, her yard. These are often distinctly tied with her doing something domestic and / or distinctly feminine. She’s bringing groceries home, she’s baking, she’s trying on jewellery, she’s mothering her children. Symbolically, this is often when Rio and Turner both are at their most masculine and their most threatening, which just serves to underline the invasion of Beth’s space.

It’s not just the girls though, as I said above. Female domestic spaces on this show are significantly coded as belonging to women, even if they share those spaces. Think about Nancy and Greg’s house – which is Nancy’s space, not Greg’s, and throughout season 1, Annie was pitted as the outsider to that. She’s a smear of hair oil on Nancy’s perfect couch. It’s made all the starker when Nancy kicks Greg out, and when Annie helps Nancy give birth in that house – a distinctly female, intimate act, that not only operates as a significant feminization of that space, but also about Annie fighting for Nancy to let her in again.

These spaces all keep secrets for the women they belong to too – Mary Pat’s husband’s dead body, Boomer’s very much alive one – because, again, symbolically, they are these women.

Rio’s loft is a really interesting one to look at in this context, because not only is it hyper masculine, but the show underlines that it does not hold the same significance that the girls’ places have for them. Beth does not learn Rio by being inside him – something made stark through their game of twenty questions. In fact, being in Rio’s loft, in his space, only serves to point out how much Beth doesn’t know him. Not only that, but Beth’s inability to lose her house (which is really central to her arc) is paralleled exactly with how easily Rio can separate from his.

The domestic space is not male.

Rio exists outside of it.

Beth x Rio and the Feminine x Masculine

Rio and Beth are basically at polar opposites of the masculine / feminine spectrum, and it’s something that this show often casts in a really stark light through dialogue, visual language, character coding and symbolism.

Beth epitomizes the old archetype of femininity and the female world in a way that I don’t think Annie and Ruby do (although I do think Ruby does in some respects). This is coded into almost every part of her character – from her long history of domestic servitude and marital submission (letting Dean control their finances, not working, keeping the house, etc.) to her fertility (four children!) to the way she dresses in floral, bakes, to certain traits, namely her nurturing tendencies, overt empathy and guilt (not being able to kill Boomer). Even in terms of the casting – Christina is somebody who has a very distinctly feminine body.

On the other hand, Rio, in many ways, epitomizes the old idea of masculinity and the masculine world. He’s coded that way almost as much as Beth is coded as feminine – he’s physically strong (beating up Dean, holding Beth up while they were having sex), assertive, dominant, capable and collected. That’s not even touching on the fact that the golden gun is incredibly phallic, haha.

The show loves to place Beth’s femininity in direct contrast with Rio’s masculinity in a way that it doesn’t do with the other girls or – in fact perhaps more notably – with Beth and Dean (if anything, Dean’s frequently emasculated around Beth, but that feels like a whole other thing, haha), and it does this frequently, and often even in the same shot.

Most notably, think of her pearls on the warehouse door handle:

Their cars parked side-by-side:

Her necklace, his gun:

Her light, his darkness:

Her floral, his solid colours:

Interestingly though, these things are very rarely in competition or combative (although occasionally they are – Rio trying to use her femaleness and his maleness / their sexuality to literally bend her over a table in 2.06 being the clearest example of that). Generally speaking, the show’s visual language though shows us how these things compliment each other. They occupy different gendered spaces, so they can ‘crime’ in different ways – Beth using the big box stores, the secret shoppers, robbing the day spa, are all things that are highly feminised, and give Rio by proxy access to a world he ordinarily wouldn’t (albeit it’s not always a world he’s interested in – like it wasn’t with the botox), and the reverse of that is that Rio gives Beth access to spaces that are highly masculinised and that she ordinarily wouldn’t have access to (again, not always a world she’s interested in either). It’s why when they’re working together, and acknowledging they have different departments, they actually become something really whole, comprehensive and effective.

It’s the exploration of this that I find really intriguing generally, and particularly a thread that I think is reiterated where Beth’s usually at her worst and her most ineffective when she’s trying to emulate Rio’s masculinity. We saw that at the end of 1.10 and the start of 2.01, and I think we saw it at the tail end of season 2 too. When Beth’s succeeding, she’s typically doing something that revels in the strength and power and the underestimation of femininity and female spaces, and turns places that are typically viewed as passive into active ones.

The Secret Shoppers (which worked briefly! And fell apart because she couldn’t handle Mary Pat. Notably almost every scene with them was inside Beth’s house):

The day spa heist:

The Boland Motors takeover / reclamation that focused on feminising the place:

Pretending to be somebody’s mum to get into the kids’ space (which would’ve worked if Beth and Ruby hadn’t started fighting):

Breaking into Rio’s loft:

Again, this is something that seems to be being teased out already in s3 with the paper store and the nail salon, and I’m sure we’ll see it coming up again and again beyond that.

But yes! Your question, haha. I think Rio is enamoured with the strong, feminine space and the untapped female world that Beth exists in, and the ways that she is actively capable of utilising her femininity and her womanness in a way that is completely impossible for him. She can manipulate these spaces – either those already female, or those she makes female aka Boland Motors – in ways that he can’t, and in a way that, at the end of the day, lines his pocket, in the same way that giving her access to his powerful, masculine world lines hers. It’s market development, y’know? But it’s also something that could be a true and successful partnership if they could stop, y’know, playing games and trying to kill each other, haha.

I think it’s worth noting here too that the show has shown us explicitly that Beth absolutely gets off on Rio being highly masculine, and while I think Rio absolutely gets off on Beth being a boss bitch too, it’s also important to note how he responds to her when she’s displaying vulnerability in a way often defined as very feminine – namely crying – and how that display of femininity not only affects him, but often makes him want to touch her (and more and more, follow through on touching her).

Basically I think they’re as obsessed with the contrast between the two of them as we are, haha.

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cinnaminsvga · 4 years

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what are your favorite fics you read for every member? like the ones that resonated and left you a changed woman when you finished. could be because of characterization, or plot, or nostalgia, just the ones that come first and easy for every member, like, the iconic ones for you. can be mxm. i'm asking cause i just read worldwide lonesome and. damb. just. i kinda feel like i read seokjin’s diary or something? like it felt invasive just bc of how REAL he felt, you feel me? so. i'm curious about u

this is such a loaded ask because honestly, i had to think really deeply about this!! there are so many fics out there that have changed me as a writer and as a person in general that its hard to pick just seven... but i’m glad you mentioned worldwide lonesome because that fic is definitely!! fucking!! up there!! it might actually be my #1 seokjin fic, so you already got me there. but man... i put a lot of thought into my answer because my reading list is a never-ending pool of queerness and angstiness, as those tend to resonate the most deeply with me (since i am, after all, both queer and angsty HAHAH) so uhhh... here i go!! (also i apologize that these are mostly mxm... weirdly enough, i’m kind of more affected by those bc i relate more to them than reader inserts for some reason... the world is bombarded with hetero representation, so excuse me for clinging to my sole source of queer love lmao)

➤ for seokjin:

worldwide lonesome by loindexter [yoonjin] - i already mentioned it, but MAN... this fic left me stunned. the characterization of seokjin is what gets me the most, and by god, i am a SUCKER for coming out stories. as a closeted queer person, i’ve always wondered what other people’s experiences are with coming to terms with their sexuality, and op really hits the nail on the head. seokjin in this fic just feels... so real. like you said, it almost felt like i was looking into his diary!! it was maddening and tearjerking and oh so fucking human... you could feel his turmoil as if it were your own... and yoongi!! dear god, yoongi... that sweet fool... this fic just struck a cord with me because of how intimate and vulnerable it felt. i really hope i can write a fic like that in the future.

➤ for yoongi:

here comes the sun by fruitily [yoonkook] - this was unequivocally the hardest decision i’ve ever had to make in my life, mostly because i’ve read a plethora of yoongi fics in my day and it is quite literally so difficult to pin down a singular fic that changed me the most as a person. the reason i chose this certain fruitily fic (op will always be my biggest writing idol... if i could, i’d list down their entire masterlist as my favorite yoongi/jungkook fics of all time) because of the emotions it made me feel. there’s always something a bit sad about summer romances, and i’ve always been a sucker for that sort of trope because of the many possibilities you can do with it. it’s just... the way yoongi was portrayed here was just so darn REAL,,, you could almost physically feel his increasing want, his slow realization that yes, he does love the bucktoothed kid from summer camp. i absolutely adore the interactions he has with all the characters, because you can almost fool yourself into thinking he’s a real person. he’s a friend, and you’re watching him come to terms with what it means to love someone you only see once a year. dear lord i love that dude i’m gonna go cry now!!

(also bc i’m cheating but i also recommend the nights really were made for saying things you can't say tomorrow day by siderum... first yoonkook fic i ever read and dare i say it literally changed me as a person. there are no words.)

➤ for hoseok:

depaysement by 1honeypot (oilblotter/obiwrites) - okay i know this is fucked up for me to recommend a fic that doesn’t even exist on the internet anymore (op deleted her account on tumblr and has moved to ao3 but she’s never gonna reupload this fic again unfortunately) but MAN i still remember that fic to this day. it was so fucking GOOD and it made me realize the potential reader fics had that i never knew was possible. the entire plot was the usual make-over cliche (popular trendy girl makes the nerd hot yadah yadah yadah) that i had thought wouldn’t be interesting, but op managed to turn that trope into her own. it was hilarious, hot, moving, relatable... just ticking off every point that makes a fic great. i miss that fic so dearly and if you were some of the lucky few who managed to read it when it was still around... i think you all understand.

➤ for namjoon:

beta tau sigma by bazooka [namjin] - i cannot count the amount of times i’ve reread this fic. like, no joke, i probably memorize a few of the chapters from rereading it alone. holy fuck,,, as you can tell, i have a pattern when it comes to my fave fics and it’s all about: GAY PANIC THE MUSICAL!! yea... i just really like fics about self-discovery because MAN as a young adult traversing the mysteries of human nature and sexuality, i sincerely relate to namjoon in this fic. “am i gay, or am i just gay for my best friend?” is a question i have asked myself NUMEROUS times... dear god, namjoon is just a walking catastrophe and i!! could not!! relate!! more!! the plot flow and immersion you get from this fic is out of this world. you almost feel like you’re in the same frat as them!! i also love the way op made even the side characters have their own story arcs and backgrounds... they are what inspired me to give life to even the smallest of characters bc it just heightens the reading experience imo!! they really do feel like your friends in this fic, and this fic will always be my sources of comfort.

➤ for jimin:

darling, just say you’ll say by tusaisbts [yoonmin] - have i not sung this fic enough praises? i know it looks weird from the premise... cowboys? mail order brides? i thought it was odd at first too, but believe me when i say you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. jimin’s growth as a character here left me absolutely speechless!! i just love his development: from a scared stranger dropped off in the middle of nowhere to a smart and capable teacher who can hold his own in this small rural town. i especially love how he interacts with yoongi, because op really makes you want to root for them. you want them to fall in love, to make their relationship work out. that yearning for two characters to get together is something i want my own readers to feel, and there aren’t enough words in my vernacular to explain how happy i was when everything turned out well. and jfc... rancher yoongi? got me so fucking hot n bothered and now i will forever be enamored by the thought of rugged yoongi... jfc...

➤ for taehyung (& jimin!!):

mudlands & yellow acacia by nonheather [vmin] - i remember the day i read this like it was yesterday. i had a final to study for, but instead i read this entire thing in one go and then i cried my eyes out even until the moment i walked into my exam room. i don’t know how else to describe this other than it was otherworldly. it was cozy. it was heartbreaking and magical and downright lovely. i especially loved the way taehyung was here... so fucking whipped for park jimin. he loved like no other man could, and jimin might have been a little too bullheaded at first, but they make it out okay. i’m not really one to believe in soulmates, but this fic almost made me believe they could be. it made me yearn for the first time, and i think that counts for something. to love another person and to have them love you back... op made me believe in love.

➤ for jungkook:

years since you’ve been here by ameliabedelias [namkook] - okay maybe i’m just a crybaby and i cry at every fic under the sun but dear god this fic... might be The Fic That Changed Me As A Person. like, of course the other fics were mindblowing but this one in particular... wow. trampled all my expectations and caused a garden to bloom in my heart. jungkook is so sweet, so lost... he feels too much and he aches for namjoon. i know all too well that feeling of melancholy... when you love someone you’re not supposed to. coming of age stories will always have a soft spot in my heart, because i always tend to project myself onto the main characters. i want to grow and find my own destiny. i want to learn and be happy. jungkook finds his way, tumbles and trips the entire time, but he gets there. a symbol of queer triumph.

#Anonymous #answered #fic rec

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jlf23tumble · 4 years

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My 1D-related fic faves of 2019

I've read a TON of great fic this year in all kinds of fandoms, Jeeeeeeeeeesus, there are so many talented writers out there, but I won't list it all here (or even list everything I bookmarked this year). Instead, I'm gonna stick with 1D-related works released in 2019 that pulled me in hard and made me stare at the wall and/or read again and/or scream about with other people, and I'll try to do it in cutesie number order because WHY NOT make it that extra level of arbitrary, lmao. I love fanfic because no matter what fandom I'm dipping in, something new is gonna jump up and kill me (this year in particular, I've subscribed to a lot of "new to me" writers that I LOVE, and I hope you know who you are [do you know who you are, etc.]). Thank you for the free gifts, for your time, for your blood, sweat, and tears! I owe you hugs, coffee, and my undying love, gratitude, and support! I'll put my list under the cut to avoid some v. v. real screen scroll rage--happy new year, y'all!

2 lactation kink fics

(aka the Jaerie category, nobody else is out there writing this even as Harry's tits get bigger and milkier and why am I the only one fully appreciating all of it?????)

I Think You're Already Home, by jaerie, Seeing Louis Tomlinson today, it would be hard to guess that he was ever once a member of the world's most famous boyband. These days he doesn't even the leave his own house. The truth is he can't leave his own house. (a December gift to remember for all of us! a/b/o dynamics, famous Louis, omega Harry--which is practically canon at this point--crippling agoraphobia, lactation-related sexiness, I would read at least ten (10) more chapters of this)

freaks from the internet, by jaerie. Harry sells his breast milk to freaks on the internet. Louis turns out to be one of those freaks. He also happens to be Harry's ex. (I legit can't believe this came out this year, I rec it all the time! it was anon for forever, and I was low-key obsessed because I just wanted mawrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr of it, and I got it, thank CHRIST)

3 fics for meeeeeeee

(These works were gifts to me, and I am so truly hashtag blessed to receive!!!)

I Just Wanna Taste It, by @homosociallyyours. In his mind it's watermelon and sticky strawberry sweet, and he craves the feeling of his own round, firm belly warm under his hands on a summer evening. (Megan loves to kill me with Harry mpreg imaginings, and this one feels like canon to me!)

Powerless (and I Don't Care It's Obvious), by objectlesson/ @alienfuckeronmain. He should not be getting turned on by Harry’s full-bladder discomfort, his little twitches, his hips-stuttering. And yet. (AND YET!!! I don't even know where to start with how much I love Phoenix, what a treasure her work is in ANY fandom, how shitty this particular fandom has been to her, how much I'm gonna miss harry/louis fic gifts from her in the future, how HOT this pee kink fic is in general, dot dot dot)

Tuxedo Classic Dance Party, by Blake/ @newleafover. Instead of flying out to meet his touring boyfriend in Madrid, Louis sticks around to be responsible and do things like dance at Lady Gaga night at the gay cowboy club in West Hollywood. (Blake has written at least five fics in various fandoms that I would say are my favorite fics of all time, but they really topped themselves with this one!)

4 fic series

(I feel like there are probably loads more that qualify, but these ones grabbed me in their own particular way)

Not That Gone, by abrighteryellow/ @a-brighter-yellow. Louis’s 20-year high school reunion takes a turn when a celebrity classmate – who also happens to be Louis’s long unrequited crush – unexpectedly shows up. (this was inspired by Chris Evans, and both parts stand on their own, tbh)

Maybe I Miss You, by 13ways. Louis is on his way back to London after the Hits Live Birmingham concert. Harry is flying to New York for the Met Gala. They connect. (from the very first story in this series, I was HOOKED, canon angst that builds up to something truly wonderful)

There's something I want to try..., by TheMagicWord. Harry wants to try something. Louis's not convinced. Until he is. (the installments are super short, super hot)

One More Time Again, by orphan_account. On the morning of his second sold-out performance at Madison Square Garden, Harry wakes up to find that he's sixteen years old, on The X Factor, and that he has a chance to make things right. (I'm sad that this author orphaned, but I seem to recall her getting a TON of shit, which is unfortunate because this is a great read, and part two is an imagining where Louis goes back instead)

5 fics featuring holidays

(These ones are basically from Christmas and Halloween of this year, so quite recent!!)

once bitten and twice shy, by @pinkcords. In a rush of bravery only senior year can bring, Harry confesses his feelings in a letter to his neighbor and best friend, Louis, only for the entire school to hear it and laugh him out of their small town in Wisconsin. (the notes on this one blew me away: first-time author, pinch-hitting for a fest, and damn, a knock out)

you've set my soul to dreaming, by we_are_the_same. Thirty-year-old Harry Styles goes to bed single on Christmas Eve, only to wake up on Christmas morning with a husband in his bed and a son down the hall. (I'm not always into this trope, but when it's done well? NICE, and this one did it well)

when half spent was the night, by @juliusschmidt. I’ve skimmed your website and am interested in hiring you to be my doula. I’m 7 ½ months pregnant and not keen to do this whole labor and birth thing alone. After looking around, I thought you might be a good fit. (girl direction advent fic with pregnant Louis that’s incredibly well done, especially given how short it is, I was so sad to see it end, but the author says something about act II coming??? YES!!!)

Fictober 2019 Collection, by flowercrownfemme/ @lesbianiconharrystyles. Features lots of monsters and creatures and Harry Styles being a general nightmare as well as a few Girl Direction drabbles and a timestamp for Fool For You and one for Treat Mothman With Kindness. (Chloe's Halloween drabbles, each of which could outrival other stories 4x the length...she's a GIFT)

Cat & Mouse, by jaerie. It's the one day out of the year that Harry doesn't have to hide and can be himself — at least he thought so. Louis is just a little more observant than he anticipated. (I'm not a big hybrid fic fan, BUT GOD THIS STORY IS SO GOOD, it's so short I wanna cry, but so good!!!)

6 a/b/o fics

(I can handle "traditional" a/b/o if it gives me my dose of omega Harry, but I absolutely adore "untraditional" a/b/o, you know, where it actually is NOT about straight dynamics being put on a m/m or f/f couple (excuse me, a/a or o/o)...these ones NAIL IT, as did the entire gaybo ficfest)

violence of my own touch, by 14hrflight/ @silverfoxlouis. Louis hasn’t said anything, but Harry knows something is wrong. Harry’s rut had ended a few days ago, and Louis had kept him under as best as he could. (whenever I read Chi's alpha/alpha fics, I find myself internally screaming "CHI!!!" god, do they Get It, and I really hope they continue this one!)

Amor Victorious, by HappyPrincess/ @pattern-pals. Louis finds himself following Harry on a journey through Italy, complete with long train rides, greasy food, naked Christs, and too many lingering touches. They're definitely not like other tourists and he definitely doesn't have a crush on his best friend who happens to be an alpha, too. (this one came out during Thanksgiving week, so I held it to savor, and BOY, DID I SAVOR, it's so incredible, the gorgeous writing, the visceral, indescribable feeling of reading it, sighhhhhhh)

do you know me by heart, by HappyPrincess/ @pattern-pals. Harry comes back wearing alphas' scents, a pleased smile and a lace dress. Somehow, Louis still ends up making him come until he cries. (for me personally, 2019 was the year of Nina: getting to know them, catching up on all their writing, falling in love with the way they can kill us all with beautiful angst and the hint and hope of redemption...here's a tissue, you'll need it!!)

the way that you're thrilling me, by @hereforlou. Alphas were smelly and cocky and mostly arseholes, in Harry’s experience. Or at least they were at school. He didn’t understand how his friends—lovely, soft-skinned, sweet-smelling omegas—could actually want to touch them, or be touched by them. (this is just one of the many, MANY faves I had from the gaybo ficfest, A+ all around)

Constant Debauchery, by Blake/ @newleafover. Harry is an alpha who loves getting his mouth knotted by other alphas. Louis is happy to serve. Fun smut! But also angst and sexual awakenings. (Blake knows how to sum up their writing, lol, but YEAH, me as at least one of the comments both public and private saying they'd want to read 100k more of this)

how many nights did I crash against the waves, by Blake/ @newleafover Louis is going into heat and Harry thinks it's hot. (the SKILL of writing something that's 1.7k, yet builds a complete--and v. v. hot--world)

7 fics with Harry and someone else

(I still have a few I need to read in this category--I'm getting there! But these are some from my fave authors that really had me pondering some walls [heh])

I Want Your Belly, by @glasscushion. Harry wants Adam to knock him up. Inspired by on-stage thirst, the Instagram Stories Shirt, Watermelon Sugar, and Harry’s persistent baby fever. (Adam/Harry, mpreg kink of the finest order!!)

Rachel, Nevada, by @vondrostes. Harry has a close sexual encounter of the fourth kind. (Jeff/Harry, Rachel/Harry, and I honestly can't even BEGIN to describe this, holy WOW)

Sea Salt, by @glasscushion. Nick's drunk, and he can't avoid his feelings forever. Set in 2013 and 2019. (Nick/Harry, rip gryles...the grylers I know had an absolute field day in terms of angst, damn!)

all my lies are safe beside you now, by HappyPrincess/ @pattern-pals. They both know what it was like to love Louis Tomlinson fiercely, irrevocably, ghosts of it on their skin, even if the traces were etched in vastly different ways. (Zayn/Harry, and FOR REAL, this is a huge ouch)

call me anything you like, but my name is, by @wishforwishes. Some conversations are better left forgotten, some conversations are worth remembering, and some conversations you never get the chance to have. Featuring three mentors, two tea parties, one and a half recording studios, and a reference to Archie comics. (Harry/CHASM, essentially; LISTEN, I am obsessed with this fic, you don't need to read part one to really Get It, but the bits with Zayn, and James/Ben, and all the parts with Harry working through gender? SO GODDAMNED REAL)

Come Out and Play, by @dinosaursmate. Harry and Louis discover a new kink in their relationship, and it brings all the boys closer than they could have ever imagined. (ot5 orgy, so not really Harry with anyone so much as everyone with everyone, and let's call this one canon)

Like a Rolling Stone, by @vondrostes. By the end of it, Nick realised his tea had gone cold in his hand. He’d barely taken a single sip in the hour-plus he’d been sat there, unmoving, transfixed by Harry’s songs—haunted by the knowledge of what had inspired them. (Nick/Harry, rip gryles)

8 canon fics

(This was a VERY hard category to narrow down, but yeah, a big push this year from "newer" writers = lots of nuanced fic)

Per Aspera, by @sedfierisentio. Louis’s throat feels tight, his heart like a hammer in his chest. You know my rot, he thinks, and I know yours. I love you still. (these achingly beautiful time stamps are centered around taste, and if this fic has taught me anything, it's that buying an author a coffee has a ripple effect)

A Nullo Amato, by @sedfierisentio. Inspired by Harry carrying books around outside LAX, a canon-compliant, Canon AU fic set between 2014 and 2015; mostly, timestamps roped together by a common theme—literature. (this was removed four years ago and reposted, so maybe it's a cheat??? i don't care, it was brand-new to me and a lot of other people, I'm so glad the author shared it again!)

no love like your love, by @dykes4louis. A collection of tumblr drabbles. (Hima is REALLY burying the lede on this one because each of these is short and SCORCHING, her skill, check out her other works, too!)

Dancing in My Dreams, by @kingsofeverything. Louis doesn't mean to imply that Harry's too old to dance for him, but Harry takes it that way, and sets out to prove him wrong. (this is one that *could* go in the series pile, but I love it as a standalone...feels like canon to me, regardless!)

Sonic Sounds, by @glasscushion. "Harry takes a deep breath, suitably embarrassed, “I’m just really...” and he can’t say the obvious. He can’t just say "really wet." Or Harry loves feeling embarrassed. Louis is happy to help. (I'll never look at those One Direction electric toothbrushes quite the same way again)

Bruised Fruit, by @glasscushion. Louis is obsessed with the way Harry smells in the heat of LA. (hey, you know what, me, too, bitch, you ain't special...the way this fic SMELLS, my god, I"m obsessed)

be my once in a lifetime, by HappyPrincess/ @pattern-pals. Just like there are only four other people who will ever understand what it’s like growing up in One Direction, there’s only one other person who knows what it’s like to find your soulmate just before you’re thrown into the spotlight and forced to acknowledge that the both of you have too many flaws and vices to make it through fame together. Or: It's all about having sex and being sad. And drunk. (can u believe Nina wrote this before Fine Line???)

in this dress, by cabinbythesea. Louis is so lost in his eyes and his words he feels if a step above heaven exists, it has to be Harry. Loosely inspired by Harry’s dress from the director’s cut of Lights Up. (I sure hope we see even more fic inspired by every bit of this album/every video it produces)

9 fics by Phoenix/ @alienfuckeronmain

(This fandom doesn't deserve her, and I hope everyone's reading her other works because they're all so amazing, she's such an incredibly gifted writer, my fave of faves, my life is so much brighter with her in it...I could rec her all goddamned day, and I do slash will!!! Here are nine she cranked out this year, each one a gem in its own way)

Silver White Winters. In which Louis catches a cloud and pins it down, aka, a Sound of Music AU (the shittiness in the comments underlines why we can't have nice things, but jesus CHRIST, this is so pure and good, and she cranked it out in, like, two hours)

I don't do that dance. Harry is easily the worst ballet dancer in her whole Intro to Ballet class. Except maybe Taylor Swift. (I adore how Phoenix writes girl Harry, but the way she writes Taylor? Unparalleled...nails her perfectly!)

magic, madness, heaven, sin, by @kerasines. It’s the flashing lights painting colors on her eyelids, it’s the drumming bass competing with her heartbeat. It’s the manic energy rippling through the crowd in waves, the deafening, frenzied passion filling the stadium that remind Eleanor that she actually used to like going to concerts. (technically, this one is FOR Phoenix, from Kim, but it takes a pairing that Phoenix is making her very own, so I'm counting it, lol)

Snakes and Stones. If you call a girl a snake enough, sometimes she becomes one. Her legs lengthen and fuse, her pupils shrink to slits. She gets colder and colder, until she has to spread herself on the warm cement beside the pool, soaking in heat, sipping gin and tonics to warm her blood so she does not turn to ice and shatter to bits. (god, I'm blanking on this ship name, but El/Taylor is such an inspired pairing, and I hope that P's drabbles make it over to ao3 in full)

Something good (will come from here). Taylor does not answer, because she is too busy licking her lips and pitching forward, as if Eleanor is the sky, or the sea. (you can practically SMELL this fic, El/Taylor drabble)

I Must Confess (I Still Believe). Harry is the new girl at an all girl Catholic Girl's School, and Louis is the unattainable, dashing senior who changes her forever. (this fic breaks my heart, the entire experience of its production and aftermath will forever be bittersweet, a gorgeous swansong)

Only One at the Finish Line. “I want to be another alpha’s omega,” is what he says, and it comes out like something reckless, something wild. Like he doesn't care anymore if Louis hates him or not, if Louis understands, he just needs to speak his truth aloud to darkness, to the slender pines that surround them like a jury panel. (Phoenix was the gaybo mod, and this was her contribution, and it is PERFECTION PERSONIFIED, fest goals)

The Pink Ghost of Princess Park. The thought of the vibrator does not go away. It’s sitting there collecting dust all through January, and every time Harry and Louis have to leave town for a press event or a show or to record or what have you, they come back home, and it’s still there, the Pink Ghost of Princess Park, the fucking glittery haunting that Harry cannot stop thinking of Louis stuffing up his arse. (a very good year in general for Princess Park clapbacks)

Life Saver. Louis is a sweetheart punk with a theater background and a heart of gold, Harry is an inexperienced nerd who plays by the rules. Classmates, lab partners, and eventually friends, what happens when Louis knows he’s in love, but doesn’t know how tell Harry? (this one came out a year ago tomorrow, and it had a tough birthing process, but it's so good, so hot, my love for virgin Harry gettin’ it on knows no bounds)

10 AU fics

(yes, yes, this could be LOADS longer, but I’m sticking to my theme!)

breathless for an eternity, by cabinbythesea. Harry conquers double duty on SNL and Louis wishes he was Nick Jonas. (dangggg, this came out too late for me to rec it along with my other snl-related fic, but it joins that lofty canon!)

Pretty Baby, by @littlelouishiccups. Louis helps Harry unwind after a busy week. (I was NOT expecting a new chapter in the iconic sugar baby Harry series, but HERE WE ARE)

into another (another) serotonin overflow, by @mercutionotromeo. Sweet first time sex wherein Harry's adorably awkward, Louis is achingly cool, and Harry rides Louis wearing his jersey. (this is one of my all-time fave fics, and I'm not sure what changed in it to get it reposted, but yeah, HERE FOR IT, THANK YOU!!!)

'Sup, by @mediawhorefics. All Louis wants is to finish the play he’s been commissioned to write, but one of the regulars at his local coffee shop keeps distracting him. ft. older larry, pushy gemma, harry being a disaster gay and silver fox louis. (this is so short but so tantalizing, GOD, DO I WANT MORE OF THIS UNIVERSE)

Tan Lines and Some Memories, by twoshipstiedup. Harry Styles is the indie movie darling he’d been avoiding ever since Louis saw his movie at Cannes and harbored an unreasonable grudge against him. A unicorn t-shirt finally brings them together in person. (I honestly thought we'd get more unicorn shirt fic, but this is a wonderful standard-bearer, banter city)

Bitter Tangerine, by purpledaisy/ @daisyharry. Nine months after they break up, a twist of fate brings Harry and Louis back together at Christmas. (so much ouch in this, but wow, do you feel like you're reading fully realized, realistic, growing characters)

We're Driving in Your Fast Car, by @sadaveniren. Harry felt himself light up - both with excitement and the thrill of getting what he wanted. “Really?” “Of course, anything for you." aka Louis and Harry are car thieves about to pull off a million dollar job. (another one I'd love to read more of...how did they get here, where are they going, etc.)

remember you well, by @fondleeds. Harry’s a criminal, Louis’ a cop, and they’re stranded overnight at the Motel 6. (what's with me and my love of heist/caper fics this year?)

Tied Down, by HamPalpert/ @ham-palpert. The most interesting case in Liam and Niall's careers falls directly into their laps, courtesy of an epic fuck-up of one Harry Styles, partner to the almost-infamous drug dealer Louis Tomlinson. The investigation yields an unexpected yet satisfactory outcome for Liam and Niall. For Harry and Louis, however, things are far more complicated. (SEE ABOVE, JESUS, I THINK ABOUT THIS FIC...ALL...THE.......TIME)

Harry Styles Cooks..., by sunsetmog. Louis owns all of Harry Styles’ cookbooks, and he never intends to cook a single thing out of any of them. (yeah, it's a wip, yeah, I flatline every time it updates, what of it, I'm living my best life vicariously through it!!)

#fic rec #faves of 2019 #i have so many more i love that i read #but this is a theme lmaooooo #hope that one anon loves it!

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thewebcomicsreview · 4 years

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Is it weird that I actually like Homestuck 2, and am at the same time going “Oh Christ, I have to read it now”?

Regardless! New planet! New lore! Will we get a whole new species now? I really hope so, it’d be lame (and nonsensical) is it were just more trolls. I want to see what the natives of Universe C look like!

I didn’t think about it enough in Chapter 1, but the fact that Terezi crash-landed the ship, apparently on purpose and for lulz, is really weird. This is a bit past “prankster” and more in the realm of “the player you stop inviting to DnD”. Wandering out in space for years and fucking John Egbert changes a person.

New looks for everyone! Fun fact: That painting behind Dirk - which is a real painting Andrew Hussie owns - actually made a cameo appearance in Legend of the Hare!

Which was mostly a reference but also foreshadowing that Mary here would be the Horse Champion. Anyway, new looks for everyone! Homestuck characters used to change appearances constantly but it sort of stopped after Act 6, so it’s nice to see the return of Fashion. Apparently, Terezi ditched Jade’s shoes at some point for dragony ones and grew her hair out, while Rose is wearing a statue of liberty tiara, which is probably a reference to all the statues of liberty Alpha Dave made in that timeline for reasons that never seemed to matter at the time but now might.

This is a cute little subtle gag. Dirk’s “Terezi, you too” was extending the “Render yourself more symbolically” command, but Terezi thought it was a continuation of Dirk’s line from the previous page. She’s not as immune to his powers as she things. That green jacket is more than a little evocative of Lord English, and the color-loving Terezi could probably be convinced to trade the gold trim for flashing colors. Just a thought to keep in the back of your mind.

ROSEBOT: At the very least, none of us succumbed to substance abuse. Or re-succumbed, I guess I should say.

ROSEBOT: The perks of not having an appetite or a liver, in my case.

ROSEBOT: In yours... I'm actually not sure. Perhaps the underlying cognitive dissonance or trauma you were originally trying to distract yourself from is no longer a going concern?

ROSEBOT: Or... ROSEBOT: No, wait. ROSEBOT: That's not right. ROSEBOT: I'm thinking of a different Terezi. ROSEBOT: Or maybe I'm thinking of a different me? ROSEBOT: Maybe the different me is thinking of a different Terezi, and I'm just witnessing the thought happen as a bystander. ROSEBOT: It's much the same thing at this point. ROSEBOT: ... ROSEBOT: And I suppose I'm also prematurely ruling out the potential of anime functioning as an abusable substance. ROSEBOT: In which case I've got very bad news for all of us.

The plot of Homestuck is so convoluted that even the characters can’t keep it straight anymore. Rose is referring to her struggles with alcoholism in the original Game Over timeline, but this Rose is from the post-Retcon timeline, and going Ultimate is causing them all to blend together in her mind. Also she seems to think that Game Over Terezi’s problem was being addicted to Faygo, not having an abusive boyfriend, unless she’s thinking of some other Terezi.

Also, as someone who was the treasurer of a college anime club despite not liking anime, I can confirm that Rose has some very bad news indeed.

ROSE: Where shall our allegory begin? DIRK: Beg pardon. ROSE: Oh come on. The cave? ROSE: I have to say I’m a little disappointed in you. Three years, and not once did I witness you replacing any parts of the ship. ROSE: How are we to jerk ourselves off philosophically if you don’t lean into your clumsy allusions? DIRK: It's a fair question. DIRK: But since the name you suggested was nothing more than a very juvenile play on words, I can’t say you’ve got much ground to stand on. ROSE: What’s juvenile about The Kant? DIRK: Nothing. DIRK: At least, not when you say it. ROSE: It’s not my fault you sound like a gay cowboy. DIRK: Sigh.

See, this is what the epilogues were missing! Bantz! Rose was practically comatose for the Meat epilogues, so it’s good to see her back. Maybe one day we’ll get Jade back, too.

Who the fuck is this? This isn’t Dirk narrating, it’s black text. Is this the same person who was narrating the last chapter with Calliope? That narrator didn’t address the audience like this.

Dirk is naming the new planet “Deltritus”, which is a Homestucky portmanteau of Delta (As in “D”; It’s the fourth SBURB planet), and detritus. Kind of an insulting name, honestly. If this planet has SBURB on it, doesn’t that imply it’s inhabited? Do the locals not have a name for it?

DIRK: The point is, we will be building intelligent life on this planet from scratch. That was one of our key mistakes with Earth C. We should have started our guidance from the very beginning, instead of letting it grow organically in our image.

Oh, okay, guess not.

ROSE: Our own world was abandoned by its gods. Or, I suppose, its gods never reached it.

I’d actually really love to see an AU where there trolls made it, and Vriska and Aradia guided the human race as immortal gods. Rose is right that it probably would’ve been way worse, especially given how the Alpha Earth went.

I’m deeply curious about who this narrator is, who speaks in a neutral black text and uses more casual language than Dirk or Calliope. Is this Ultimate Dave, maybe? It sounds more like Dave than anyone else. But how?

Oops, I was wrong. It was Dirk, all along. Well I guess you’ve made a monkey - yes you’ve finally made a monkey - you’ve finally made a monkey out of me.

Oh, that’s actually cool! Rose and Dirk are going to create their own species and let them compete to play the game!

ROSE: There's something so delicious about the two of us being the ones to populate an entire planet from scratch. ROSE: The irony doesn't get much sweeter.

“From scratch”, you say?

DIRK: Next step is adding mutations. DIRK: We can use any old shit for this. Literally any captchalogueable object can be added into the mix by inserting its card into one of the slots here.

So, they each clone themselves, and throw random items in the pot to basically alchemize a new species, the way they used to make weapons? The potential for absurdity here is immense, as is the potential for crimes against god.

ROSE: It's amazing what pieces of inconsequential information your mind can recall at a moment's notice, a whole decade after they were last relevant or interesting to anyone. ROSE: ... ROSE: I think I missed this.

I did, too. Behind all the angst and the melancholy and the sci-fi adventures, Homestuck is a profoundly stupid comic and I’m unironically glad they’re remembering it, and bringing back some of the fun of creation.This is a surprisingly impactful line.

Ed....ward......

Incredible. This is all sorts of fucked up and I love it.

Oh god, Dirk is going to make Cherubs and Rose is going to make Squiddles and the long-memed 48-player Squiddle session is actually going to happen, isn’t it?

Edit: Any item that can be captachlouged can be made part of the species, and that includes John’s dead body that’s currently burning a hole in Terezi’s inventory. So Karkat’s shitty breeding chart from Act 5 can come true after all.

#Homestuck #Homestuck 2 #homestuck 2 liveblog

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suimin-chan · 4 years

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Hizashi giggled as Nemuri whispered dirty things in his ear. She was practically sitting in his lap, gaining an annoyed look from Shouta who sat across from them... in the cat cafe. He couldn't help the blush that rose to his cheeks as she told him her "plans" for them that evening.

It was surprising, at least to Hizashi, when Nemuri asked him out after her graduation. She had always been flirty to everyone, so he never assumed that she would show interest in him. But she had. And well... Hizashi would be lying if he didn't jump at the opportunity. Nemuri was gorgeous, anyone with eyes could see that. But she was also fun, smart, witty, sassy and just someone he could totally vibe with. A lot of guys had crushes on her. Even him. He just assumed with them being friends, she wouldn't want to date him.

But he was wrong. She wanted to give dating him a shot. Because according to her, he was a cute little loud mouthed twink. And if things didn't work out, they would always be friends.

It was bold, bolder than she usually is... and that's pretty bold. She told him, after he had gotten the courage to ask "why him", that she didn't want to live life with any regrets. And she knew that Hizashi like boys and girls, so she shot her shot, and it paid off.

Neither of them wanted to think about the reason for living life with no regrets. They all regretted Shirakumo's death, in their own ways. Shouta more than them. And what was worse, Shouta had been harboring a massive crush on their friend. Never fully having the confidence to confess. Not wanting to ruin his friendship. So he had pined. Always dreaming that one day, he would tell the cloud boy his feelings. Only... he never got to. Shirakumo died. And Shouta never found out if he would have gotten a yes or no.

So Nemuri would ask out whoever she was attracted to. And Hizashi was begging to feel the same way. He doubted he and Nemuri would last. This was mainly about having fun. Just being together. No stressing over their relationships future. He knew for a fact that she never stayed in a relationship long. And that didn't bother him. He was happy with having been with her for four months. And knew that when it ended, he might be a little sad, but he would still be happy being her friend.

And they were both fine having Shouta as a third wheel. Shouta wasn't fully happy with it. Protesting every time that he didn't want to have to sit and watch them be couply. Didn't want to watch Nemuri be all over Hizashi. But they knew that if they didn't invite him, he would just sit at home, miserable and feeling guilty. He was already resorting back to his old habit of being distant. And well, Nemuri didn't get to see him as often as Hizashi, who was at her house when not at his own or Shouta's. And as much as he complained, Shouta always had fun. Giving them small smiles that were so much rarer these days, or making sassy and sarcastic comments that left them rolling.

No, Hizashi would never let a relationship get in the way of his friendship with someone, and Nemuri felt the same. She had already dubbed Shouta as her little brother.

After leaving the cat cafe before getting kicked out, something that had happened before, thanks Nemuri, Hizashi and Nemuri split ways with Shouta. Shouta going home to probably study, and Hizashi following Nemuri home for some vanilla time. He could only do this when both her or his parents were at work. He was known as a loud mouth after all.

Hizashi snorted as he watched Tensei and Shouta arm wrestle. Something the two did every time they saw each other. Both demanding a rematch after ever loss.

Hizashi and Shouta had met Tensei or Inginium through hero work. He was a serious yet fun loving guy. A bit of a mischief maker. Hizashi has fallen for him quickly, and asked him out after running into him while on patrol. He said yes, so the two men were currently dating.

The three of them, all finally twenty one, were at a little hole in the wall bar that Shouta had insisted on. Something about he knew the owner. It looked a little shady, and he was pretty sure he had seen some of these people's mug shots. But if Shouta was comfortable, then that was enough for him.

He laughed out loud when Tensei swatted his hand away when he tugged at the back of his waste band of his jeans, finger brushing against his lower back. Tensei never took his eyes off of Shouta's and his interlocked hands. Muscles bulging as they strained to pin the other down. With a grunt, Shouta's arm finally hit the table, making Tensei the winner for the second time in a row that month.

Rubbing his wrist, Shouta leaned back and sighed. "Guess I need to amp up my arm exercises."

Shouta was constantly trying to improve. To be faster or stronger. It was necessary, but Hizashi worried he pushed himself too hard. Which is why they were all out drinking. It was a nice date for Hizashi with his boyfriend, and it got Shouta to relax for a while. To let go of his agitation with the case he had been working on and just be a young adult for once.

It was starting to feel like Shouta was slipping away and that Wraserhead was starting to take up permanent residence. Shouta couldn't be a hero at all times. He had to take time to just be Shouta. Just be a normal person. It had been so hard when Shouta had disappeared after graduation. Throwing himself into the underground. Rarely being home. Hardly answering his phone. It got to the point that Hizashi had tracked him down and forced him to rest. To just be human and not some creature of the night hell set on going after every boogie man or thing that went bump in the night.

He made sure that he called Shouta every day. Knew where he was. What his schedule was. If he had eaten, something healthy that is. And he made sure to fill Shouta in about his entire day. Shouta always listened, he was good at that. And soon it became their routine. Shouta something's even called him first.

Hizashi was determined not to lose Shouta to himself.

Hizashi could not stop giggling as he and Shouta entered UA. They were going to be teachers! Never in a million years would he think they would be teachers! Two kids who caused so much drama as teenagers were going to be responsible for TEENAGERS! The irony!

Their first day was interesting to say the least. Nedzu was principle now. And that was terrifying. Hizashi got to shadow the elderly English teacher, and man, Hizashi hoped he would never be a boring teacher like her! He had nearly fallen asleep standing beside her! And he already was fluient in English! He had had to listen to long ass police reports! But this old bat was more monotone and without emotion than Shouta before he had his coffee!

Lunch time rolled around and Hizashi practically draped himself over Shouta, who was studying a booklet for his teaching class, something they both had to take online. Shouta huffed and shrugged him off!

"Shoutaaaaa! Stop! Let me cuddle. I neeed to recharge!" Hizashi whined, resting his head on a broad shoulder.

Shouta rolled his eyes and flipped a page. "Was it really that hard? You like English and you are practically a kid yourself, so you should be able to relate to them well."

Hizashi gasped in mock offense. Leaning over to make sure no one was paying attention to them, he whispered in Shouta's ear. "The English teacher is boring as hell, and soooo old."

Shouta's lip twitched up in amusement. "What happened to our old English teacher. The man you said was sooo incredibly hot when we were teenagers."

Hizashi sighed dramatically, throwing an arm over his eyes, careful not to press his shades into his face. "Marrried. Such a shame. I was hoping to confess to him. But he's married and now teaching at Shiketsu so his pregnant wife can be closer to her family."

Shouta flipped another page. "Sucks for you." Shouta hummed.

Hizashi modded his head solemnly. Across the room he spotted a hero he had been seeing a lot on the news lately. Snipe. And boy, was he hotter in person. Standing, Hizashi sashayed his way over to the unsuspecting man.

Shouta glanced up briefly, scowling as he realized what was going to happen. Hizashi had been fawning over the cowboy hero ever since he had debuted. Hopefully the blind wouldn't get fired on his first day for sexual harassment. Well... Nemuri worked here, so that might actually be impossible. Nemuri who was grinning like the Cheshire Cat at the two.

Would anyone knotice if he snuck off somewhere to nap?

Hizashi slid smoothly into the chair next to snipe. "Howdy cowboy. I just thought I would let you know that I think you are absolutely smoken hot."

Nemuri facepalmed and Shouta sighed as the other hero got flustered and tried to deny any sex appeal he might have. Hizashi wasn't heading any of it, doing his best at flirting.

One would think that after dating Nemuri for a year, he would have some skills at flirting. But he didn't. Shouta thinks he could flirt better than Hizashi from just watching Nemuri. Not that he had any intention of doing that. He was having a hard enough time getting Joke to leave him alone. Apparently "I'm gay" isn't enough of a deterrent in keeping her from proposing every time she sees him.

Apparently awful flirting was music to Snipe's ears, because Hizashi planted a kiss on the man's cheek after exchanging numbers.

Honestly, Hizashi and Nemuri went through more men and women than a prostitute in a back ally.

At least he knew Hizashi didn't like the hero because of a cowboy kink. With Nemuri you never knew and it was always safer not to ask.

Shouta sighed as he looked in the mirror. The scar would take some time getting used to. But it's not like his facial appearance mattered, which is why he was always scruffy faced.

He flipped back on the couch and cut the tv on, only to cut it off as the news blasted as much detail as they had about the USJ attack. It was irritating. With the sports festival over, after having geeked out over that, the news went back to questioning UA. "How sage was the school really?" "Was it a good idea to let the sports festival continue so soon after the attack?" Like the vultures hadn't been camped out, waiting to record all of it and pick apart every student that impressed them.

Shouta wanted to call Hizashi. To complain to him about the stupidity of the media. But Hizashi had been acting off ever since the attack. It wasn't noticeable at first. He did drag Shouta around everywhere, rarely leaving him alone. Walking him to class. Going with him to recovery girl. Staying with him while his arms were still bandaged and in casts. Something that he was very grateful for. Making him announce at the festival. He was there constantly for Shouta. A nervous ball of energy that he was desperately trying to hide.

Hizashi was always clingy, and considering how close Shouta came to dying, he could understand why Hizashi hovered around him. But he talked more than usual. Rambling in a way Shouta had never seen him do. Or being oddly quiet. Something that bothered Shouta to no end. He had even broken up with his girlfriend of two years when she complained that he was never around anymore. Even though he had explained that his best friend needed him and the school needed him, she was still hurt. In a way, Shouta could understand, had even told Hizashi to go spend some more time with her. And he did, only to come back with a box of his things saying they had broken up.

It was worrisome. She had been the longest relationship he had had. Shouta was almost positive he would stick with her, maybe even marry her. The fact that he didn't seem so bothered by it put Shouta on edge.

Was this his fault? It's not like he asked Hizashi to stay glued to him. But Hizashi had always been fiercely protective of Shouta, and he hated the thought of being the reason for Hizashi to end a good thing.

But Hizashi was a grown man who could make his own decisions, so Shouta kept quiet.

And now... Hizashi was avoiding him. Something that had never happened. It was scary. Scarier than the Nomu.

It was late... or maybe early, Shouta had been pulling extra shifts on the weekend. Trying to patrol around the school and around his students homes as much as possible. It had been quiet since the USJ. No word on the League of Villains. Shouta didn't trust quiet.

Tired legs trudged up his stairs to his apartment, only to find a figure sitting in front of his door. He froze for a second, muscles beginning to tense for a fight before a care passed by, lights briefly lighting up the figure.

Hizashi.

Worried, Shouta hurried over, startling his friend who was in his civilian clothes. He wanted to search his friend for injuries, but was quickly brushed off. "I'm fine Sho. Just got drowsy waiting for you. You've been out longer than your normal patrol."

Hizashi reaches out, using Shouta's hand to pull him to his feet. Knees piping in protest. How long had he been sitting there?!

Shouta rubbed at his neck, pulling his keys out of his pocket and opening the door, letting them both inside. "I've been pulling extra shifts over the weekends."

Hizashi sighed behind him as he toed off his shoes. "Shouta, that's not healthy. You need the weekends to get some rest. A few hours a day won't cut it. Damn, no wonder you've been looking more and more like a hobo."

Shouta shrugged. He wanted to say that Hizashi would have known he was overworking if he was around, but he didn't want to start a fight. Not when Hizashi was finally here and looking at him with worried eyes. "Mind if I take a quick shower?" He said instead.

Hizashi nodded, flopping down onto his couch. A couch Hizashi insisted he get.

The shower was quick, but it still felt wonderful. He felt like he could fall asleep with the warm water running over him. After drying and changing into what he hoped were clean clothes, he went and flipped next to Hizashi.

It was quiet. Too quiet. Hizashi shouldn't be quiet. Then the quiet was broken with Hizashi's sobs and Shouta regretted losing the quiet. Because he hated that something was hurting Hizashi. Was he missing his girlfriend? Was it something Shouta had done?

He pulled his friend into his arms, skmething he always did when the other was overwhelmed.

"I thought you were gonna die." Hizashi cried into his shoulder.

Shouta had to wrack his brain for a minute before he realized. Hizashi was still hung up over the USJ. Shouta ran his fingers through blond hair. "But I didn't. And it looked worse than it was."

Hizashi half heartedly hit him, refusing to look up from Shouta's neck. "Sho, you didn't see yourself. You looked so broken. Covered in blood. Not conscious. None peeking through your cheek." The man sobbed at the memory.

Shouta didn't say anything to that. What could he say. He wasn't sorry for sacrificing himself. He would do it all again.

"I thought I was going to lose you just like we lost Shirakumo." Hizashi whispered.

Shouta could feel his blood run cold. Losing Shirakumo had broken him. In so many ways. He hated to make Hizashi feel that way again, even if he was still alive now. Even though he knew there was a chance that one of them could die at any given moment, he HATED thinking of making Hizashi miserable.

But he couldn't say "I'm sorry." He did what he had to do.

Hizashi pulled back and brushed at Shouta's cheek. It was only then that he realized he was crying too. Something he hadn't done in a very long time. Hizashi kept his hand cupped to Shouta's cheek, and he couldn't help but lean into the warmth. Hizashi always had warm hands.

"Remember when Nemuri said she would always confess to someone so she would never have regrets. And I said I would too." Hizashi said, looking at Shouta intently. Bright green eyes boring into him. He could feel his heart stutter. He new where this was going. He just never imagined it would go. Shouta couldn't even nod his head. He was stunned.

Hizashi continued on, never one to need prompting to talk. "I've had a crush on you for a while. Loved you since we were teens. But never realized it was more than platonic love until recently. Nearly losing you... it put a lot of things into perspective. We've always been a constant in each other's lives. Always. I've been chairing after you for years, I just didn't realize it. So I can't... I can't go on without at least telling you. Sho, I love you so much. I know I'm not Shirakumo, and I don't want to be, but I just had to let your know. And if you are okay with it, with me... I'd like to give us a shot. More than just friends. I want to be your lover. Someone you can come home to. I want to come home to you. I want us to always hold each other up."

Shouta didn't know what to say. He never really does. He'd never thought of dating. Not after Shirakumo. Too focused on being a hero. On not feeling or dwelling. Hizashi was always the one to bring him out of his shell. Made him feel.

Being with Hizashi as a lover wouldn't be so different from how they already were, and he wasn't repulsed by the idea of being intimate. He just never thought about it. Thinking about it now, of being Hizashi's love, it sounded nice. Sounded right. And the way Hizashi put it, it wouldn't be temporary. It would be forever and always. He wouldn't mind being Hizashi's forever. It's not like he ever wanted to be without the man anyway.

Heart fluttering, Shouta nodded his head.

Hizashi smiles sweetly at him, leaning forward to brush his lips against Shouta's. His first kiss.

They spent the rest of the night on the couch, wrapped in a blanket. Talking. Joking. Occasionally kissing.

It was nice. Something they both could get used to.

#bnha hizashi #bnha present mic #bnha shirakumo #bnha aizawa #bnha eraserhead #bnha midnight #bnha nemuri #bnha nedzu #bnha snipe #bnha tensei #bnha ingenium #bi hizashi #gay aizawa #bi nemuri #pansexual tensei #gay snipe

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ilguna · 4 years

Text

i also have a list of shit my history teacher (this year) has said and done so I will share it with you:

warning: its really fucking long bc he would say/do shit MULTIPLE times a day

goes onto the next slide, “it’s a meme, get it?” proceeds to explain the meme (its the hey arnold meme with the first)

also goes onto another slide, with the twitter opinion meme. at the end of the paragraph it says “this class smacks, I’m lit”

“I’m going to beat up your brother. i am going to pummel him.”

On the 6th day of class he finally realized that there was a total of 6 guys and the rest were girls

student: “You should not put it in (as an assingment)”. teacher; “laugh out loud, im dead”

he was teaching us how to write a DBQ, the computer had a pop up saying that the battery was low, and then a spider shows up out of fucking nowhere, hanging from the ceiling. he CLAPS it, jokes about eating it, and then sets it on his desk (not in the trash can 2 feet away) so he can “deal with it later”

his endless military stories, specifically ORANGE DESERT

he wrote “if you would have had your thinking skull on” on my first DBQ

him saying “I hate this” after typing a word wrong multiple times while teaching us DBQ’s lmfao

“For the lols”

Threw a box of tissues across the room into the trash can

threw a box of tissues at a student

he had this obsession with throwing expo markers at his whiteboard, trying to make it land on the metal part so expect that a lot.

“Do you want me to drown him in a bathtub?” (which was about a student’s dog that had separation anxiety lmaoo)

Sang the rain drop, drop top song

The collars on his shirt turned up

“He’ll be beaten for that distraction” (after his son called him during his lesson and he willingly answered)

“Stay woke”

“It was a hot boy summer for him”

expo marker landed on the metal thing for once thanks to a towel that was there

kyle (it must have been a story or something i dont remember)

He woah’d at some point

HAHA so there was a kid in my class that had got caught with a bong on the second week of school and he was suspended. when he came back to class, we were going over what the south grew in the U.S. very early on into colonization. and he used the bong kid as an example of a tobacco farmer

tried to eat a balled up paper

“important revolutionary war stuff”

“My bae, George Washington”

“They could’ve killed g-dubz, but they didn’t”

called george washington “g-dubz” frequiently

“Facts”

“Swagtastic”

he got excited over a military general (baron friedrich von steuben) for being a gay military general--”That was very well respected!”

“He had a ton of swagger”--referring to ben franklin

“His nickname was the swamp fox. You guys can call me that”

The snowball fight story--his brother was friends with a kid he hated next door. my teacher challenged the kid--Eric--to a snowball fight. In preparation, my teacher had froze snowballs, and so when he did have the fight, he LITERALLY knocked Eric out and left him on the front lawn unconscious (he was an elementary school kid)

one time he gave us the punishment quiz by accident, tried to make up for it by giving everyone the answer to #6. however, it turned out to be wrong so he just gave us all 100′s instead

another military story of the goat he bought from an old man with his buddies. unfortunately they had to kill the goat to eat, but the FACT that my teacher said this “a cute little goat--you know, baaa?” as if we didn’t know what a goat was

He was the golf/hockey coach!! so not only would he talk about beating up the kids in the golf club

he would also do random golf swings all the goddamn time! with no gold club or ball, it was just air.

“You are about to get clowned, young lady”

pronounced pamphlet as pamplet fora good part of his teaching career (another story he told us)

“It’s definitely not the declaration of independence you mouth breather!”

George washington = bae on a powerpoint

“you tied me up real good”

“France also popped off”

Compares the Connecticut compromise to ppap (with the song and everything!)

Told someone to shut up after they suggested that Iowa was the least populated state (he’s from Iowa)

hick iowa, to be exact

Wrote 23 as 32, realized his mistake and said “oop im dyslexic”

“If it’s a purge, I’m killing everybody”

“Federalism, not onion!’

“Who’s the dumbass guy? Ducey!” (our state governor)

he got arrested once. his mugshot is on google images and everything

he got arrested bc some guy was destroying his house w a baseball bat at a party his friendw as throwing (but it was at my teachers house). my teacher respectfully punched him and brought him to the front lawn. called the cops when the guy wouldnt leave and ended up being arrested too. teacher thought his career was over and threatened the guy the entire way to the police station

“laugh out loud!”

“We beat the begeezus out of a bunch of british people”

pronounced wolf as woof

“Who was his daddy? Who’s his daddy?”

Called a swim cap a bonnet

“Kick!”--then proceeds to kick a tennis ball. before that he had just thrown it to get out of his way

“Jesus, you’re a big boy”

for like 2 weeks straight he used that same tennis ball to try and erase a whiteboard. and im not talking rubbing it on the board, he fucking threw it at the wall, getting it off little by little. he eventually gave up, though

“I’ll snot rocket into the trash can”

“Cause I realize most of you are morons”

was obsessed with the cowboy boogie

“Every time I cough, my tail bone hurts”

“Do i look normal?”

“I look like an old man”

“Shut up your faces”

“I see you back there, queen”

“Some of you girls need to learn from this article”--the article was old & about girls being submissive

“that would hurt some people’s feelings, but I’m not gonna show it hurt mine”

“He’s just--’meow’”--about his cat

he had a sweater that had his face on it, photoshopped over a boxer that a student gave him. he wore it during winter

flicked a tennis ball across the room with a hockey stick. hit the coffee thermo on his desk, stared for a couple of seconds, and THEN realized that it was open

First off, all you kids making memes about dodging the draft--we don’t want your dumbasses anyway” --continued to rant for a few minutes after that

he HATED the national anthem with a burning passion

“I’m old as shit”

also, his cat’s name IS meow cat

more expo marker throwing

“Hey there handsome”-- to the teacher next door

“Henry clay is going to haunt you until april” (unfortunately we didnt make it that far into the school year bc of covid. disappointed that i didnt get to be haunted)

Singing electric avenue

“but here’s the tea”

“Flagstaff is like--” *reaches as high as he can to put expo marker on the wall

“I’m adopting all of you, and we’re moving to saudi arabia”

teacher: “I’m gonna break bowers kneecaps in front of you. you still want to be on strike?” not bowers but a different kid: “no...?”

Cleaned the shades in the middle of him explaining something

“You know your pinky toe? this little roast beef?”

THE TURTLE SOUP STORY. when my teacher was still a kid, he found a turtle in the wild, and brought it to his grandparents house (they owned a farm). he took care of the turtle for a while, even after his grandfather found out. until one day he came home and saw blood everywhere, went to find the turtle to see it was gone. then found his grandfather chopping up the fucking turtle so they could have it for soup for dinner. his grandfather literally made him fatten up the turtle so they could eat it

“Did mr.*****--?” (referring to himself in 3rd person, also blocked out to protect privacy)

“i’m going to staple your nostrils closed. staple, staple. ‘I can’t breathe mr.*****!’ should’ve done your DBQ!!”

his pedo stache

stood with a paper and smiled, thinking that a student was taking a picture of him when it was really the paper

doesn’t know who gaston is???

him: “I’m going to staple your noses together. One staple” Student: “*****’s piercing parlor!”

*singing* “beauty and the beast”

“I’m going to tackle you”

more random golf swinging

“What’s up (my name)?” me: hi *he then hits the bun on the top of my head on his way in the door*

And he did it again the next day

he literally made kids compete with pastries

which reminds me, he brought donuts in 2 days in a row like a week after that and make us (his first hour) take bites bc he realized he didn’t want to eat it. one of the girls was glad to take it from him, everyone else told him no

“Good morning (my name) how are you?” me: “I’m sick again... do you need help? (with the door)” him; “Actually, yes” (normally he can open the door even when his hands are full but there was a stack of pop tart boxes that were as tall as him so) i opened the door, he goes in and says, “thank you (my name), for not being rude”

the following quotes are for the Hot Seat

Student: “what do you do--?” him: “you’re in the hot seat!”

“Some people cry”

“La *****, luxurious”

“You sit here, and you stare (into the projector light)”

basically everyone in the class had to answer a question as a review. there was a stool in front of the smartboard, perfectly placed so that the projector light would LITERALLy be in your eyes. i actually got the question right on some miracle.

“2 points of weed?”

“Can I get some of that hot leaf?”

“They will make more drugs! You can’t do that much drug!”

“You guys bullied me and stole it”

“Whole rest of the nation sucked an egg”

“Whelp, let’s just kill myself”

“Do you guys know david chapel?” *sigh when everyone says no*

*some girls singing the national anthem* Him: “no! none of this, none of this!”

“Calibri’s for idiots” (the font)

“The only thing that was in--shit”

“and uncle sam--gettin lit”

“Their daddy--UH--”

“They’re going to blame the jews--my people” (he got a dna test done, he’s not actually jewish)

“Whatever you say, boomer”

“Use my words to plagiarize in college”

“I’m jewish, that’s offensive”

“Tell him he gave me instant cancer”

Me: “can i go to the bathroom?” him: “I’ll allow it”

him: “He’s antisemetic and it hurts my feelings” student: “what does that mean again?” him: “Hates jews :(”

“You guys can call me kingfish if you’d like”

~ after we said no to the nicknames, we tried to make one for him ~

student: “cornhusker!” him: “no, that’s offensive... and it’s also nebraska”

student: “corn picker!” him: “no--that sounds like a racist term or something”

“Unless corona really does take over--” (thank u, mr. for ruining the school year”

Student: “how old was she (his mom) when she had you?” him: “thirteen”

“My mom just turned 40 the other day...” (a joke)

him: “My brother got t-boned by a semi truck last night” Student: “Why are you laughing?” him: “Because he lived.”

“Yeah bc I would hide out in a public school with 300 new kids a year” (about him not living in iowa so he’s hiding out in az to get away from his “criminal record” (refer to the 1 time hes been arrested))

“Baby death?”

“Their family has more money than jesus”

*Standing outside the door yelling “CORONA” to students walking in”

“Hey I’m *****, f-word, blah, blah”

“We should fight our cats.”

“OH that’s a big chonk cat.”

“Mortal Kombat is pretty cool. I haven’t played in 25 years”

he told us in class once that we shouldnt open the front door if cops show up at a party. just to shut the blinds and be a little quieter bc the cops cant legally open the door

also one time he had a gun pointed to his face but he never finished that story bc he never liked it

during quarantine he set a DBQ as 1000 points (and i still didnt do it)

and “Here’s the tea, kiddos!”

honorable mentions: all the time he’s sent out emails bc theyre fucking hilarious

#ilguna #high school #gen z

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