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drcranessweetestdoe · 4 months

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heyyyyy

could you do a Tommy shelby fic?

in which he fucks Ada's bestfriend when she is 18!

hii, love this idea xx I have been writing this all day, time to celebrate with a jam sandwich:) xx

Finally mine

warning: agegap!, Thomas lusts after her while she is underage, grooming, virginity loss, virginity kink, innocence kink, unprotected sex, Tommy being a softie, possessiveness

pairing: Thomas Shelby x Innocent!Reader

summary: ever since he came back from the war, Tommy found himself wanting his sister’s lovely and sweet best friend, too bad he has to wait until she is 18

(Y/N) was the sweetest girl in the whole of Birmingham, always polite and kind. Thomas was smitten with her from day one. She and Ada met in school, she felt sorry that Ada was always alone, because everyone told their kids to stay away from the filthy Shelby’s. So, one day she gathered the courage and sat beside the sad girl, who was very excited to finally have a friend.

It was the age of war, so everyone was always on the edge of a meltdown. And money wasn’t exactly falling from the sky. While (Y/N)’s family weren’t considered aristocrats by any chance, she never had to worry about not getting fed, or not having a warm bed to sleep in. That was something that the Shelby’s couldn’t exactly relate to, there was little money and quite a few mouths to feed. Aunt Polly tried her best to feed the hungry children at the table, but she was failing more and succeeding less. Her sister-in-law’s three big boys were away at war, but they were always talked about.

One day, the thirteen year old (Y/N) plopped down beside her best friend Ada with a full lunch box in hand. She always had lunch packed with her, but Ada never did. For a long time, she just assumed that the malnourished girl was not hungry in school. While she was munching on her apple, she heard the growl of a hungry belly and Ada turned her head down in shame. While a girl is naive at 13, (Y/N) immediately knew that her friend was hungry, and that she probably didn’t get as much food at home as she did. When Ada looked back at her, she reacted with a wide smile to the outstretched hand towards her, holding a big red apple.

For the rest of the break, they just sat under their tree, silently chewing on their apples, with a smile on both faces.

That is how Ada knew that (Y/N) was going to be her lifelong best friend. She opened up to her when they were sharing a cigarette on the edge of the forest.

“We had more money before the war, if Tommy was here he would make sure that we have food.” Ada explained.

(Y/N) just blinked at her friend. “Who’s Tommy?”

———-

Three years later, the girls were now sixteen and the war was finally over. Because (Y/N) herself didn’t have any brothers, or sisters, she didn’t know how many families waited for this day to come.

It was a pretty summer day, and she made her way to the Shelby household, where she was always welcomed by Aunt Polly. Except, when she walked into the house, there was only one man sitting at the table. Her breath got stuck in her throat and she blushed heavily, he was very handsome. For a moment she believed that she walked into the wrong house, but the photographs on the walls proved otherwise. He was smoking a cigarette and staring at the wall blankly, he was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn’t even hear her come in.

Thomas just wanted a moment to himself in his childhood house before going back to the Garrison, he was not the same man anymore. Suddenly, he saw a figure in the corner of his eye. A second later, the two pairs of eyes met. His previously sad eyes lit up at the sight of her, but he tried to conceal it. She was so beautiful… Slender and weakish frame, something that made him eager to protect her. Her long and soft looking hair. And that face, oh god, that pretty face.

“H-Hi… I’m (Y/N).” She walked closer to him and stuck her hand out for him, she recognized him from the pictures, he was one of Ada’s brothers.

He heard about her, Aunt Pol always told him what was happening on Watery Lane in the letters she sent to Tommy. She had mentioned Ada’s lovely friend, multiple times. She told him that the girl was pretty, very kind, and that she went with her to church on Sundays when no one else wanted to, just so Polly didn’t have to go alone.

Tommy smiled at her, and she felt herself get lost in those bright blue gems of eyes. Instead of shaking her hand, he brought it to his lips and planted a little kiss on it. Her hand was soft and warm, it was a while since he felt the touch of a gentle female. He smiled when she blushed more at his kiss. “Thomas Shelby.”

—----

From that day on, Miss (Y/L/N) was under the protection of the Peaky Blinders. Thomas always had one of his men following her and Ada to school, and then back home. It killed him knowing that he couldn’t touch her, make her his, not yet anyway. That would have been immoral and awful, and he knew that aunt Pol would have broken his hand in two and cut off his cock. That didn’t mean he hadn’t spent too many night fucking his fist to the thought of her. Everyone in the Shelby clan could see how soft he was towards her, always making sure that she stays out of the bad things, and whenever she came over and he was working, his eyes basically formed into hearts and followed her everywhere. The family loved her, she enjoyed baking and she always made sure that at least once a week she turned up to the office with home-baked treats. Those kinds of sweet treats calmed everyone down, business was blooming after all.

Ever since Tommy came back from the war, he only let himself be pleasured by whores, the one girl he wanted was the one he had to wait for. He always hired prostitutes that resembled her even the slightest bit. He imagined that he was burying himself inside her wet and warm walls, he overheard her and Ada and he was very well aware that she was untouched, a sweet little virgin. In Small Heath, the girls started sleeping around in their teens, but she, at 17, didn’t care about the boys her age. She wanted a certain gangster, who was nearing his thirties.

He didn’t even claim her yet, but wherever she walked, everyone knew she was Tommy Shelby’s girl. He sent her gifts, and always a handwritten note. Her heart never failed to warm up when she saw the little T.S on the bottom of the cards. Flowers, chocolates, exotic spices that she could put in her sweet treats, jewellery, dresses, everything a 17 year old girl loves. She was spoiled by him. When she wore one of the dresses that he got for her, she always sent him a shy smile and a little nod.

—-----

Tomorrow was going to be the day when she would finally become 18 years old, a young lady. She felt so antsy getting to bed, knowing that she would wake up as an adult. She also deeply hoped that Tommy would do something, after 2 years of gifts, protection and lustful gazes from distance. It was safe to say that her standards were very much heightened.

When she woke up, she noticed a big box on the chair of her vanity, tied up in one of those big ribbons. Her mother must have brought it up for her, as she always did when her daughter’s name was on the box, written by the familiar handwriting.

She was smiling widely when she opened the box up, it had a beautiful silky dress and a gold locket necklace. She marvelled at the divine fabric, but quickly blushed when she looked into the box again. There was a set of white lingerie and a note.

Tonight, I’ll send a car to pick you up at 7pm, be ready.

~T.S

She melted at that, and she felt her lower tummy warm up. This evening, she will finally be claimed.

——-

By the time 7pm rolled around, she did everything she could to make herself look pretty for him. She took a long hot bath, made sure she smelled good everywhere. She washed her hair and tied up half of it with a bow. She put lotion all over herself, sprayed herself with perfume and put the lovely dress on. Sitting in her vanity, she put on some makeup. She felt beautiful.

She got her light coat on, along with kitten heels and she was waiting for his car to come. When it did, she sat in the backseat and greeted the driver.

She got driven to Arrow house, which she only heard about before. It was so huge, and overwhelming, but very nice.

A maid took her coat and escorted her to the dining roomom. Just like the rest of the house, it was quite big, both the room itself and the table. It was decorated elegantly, the candlelight flooded the room. Just as she stepped in, Thomas walked in the room on the other door. He looked so handsome as always, with his muscular frame and his tailored suit.

His heart nearly jumped out of his chest, she looked like an angel, and she was standing in his house, wearing his gift. The maid left, now there were only two of them in the room, he walked up to her. With a gentle hand on her waist, he pulled her closer so he could plant a kiss on her cheek and whisper in her ear. “You look absolutely gorgeous.” He got even closer, her head was spinning with him so close, his masculine scent sent her hormones into overdrive. “I hope the dress isn’t the only gift of mine on you.”

He felt his dick twitch when she looked up at him like that, a gentle glint in her eyes. She shaked her head, too lost in his eyes to answer with words. To shake her out of her trance, he guided her to her seat, with his hand still on her slender waist.

He sat next to her, the maids kept on serving the finest of foods. Thomas also brought out a bottle of red wine. Both of them were surprised how easy it was for them to talk. They talked and ate, and Tommy even found himself laughing. He also found out how innocent she was, she wasn’t stupid, just inexperienced, and he was more than happy to give her experience. She also had a big heart, and a gentle soul, she was everything he needed.

While everyone in Small Heath tried to warn her about Thomas Shelby, she never understood why. He was just trying to protect his family and give them a chance at a better life, he was also an absolute softie for her. She could see that he had a lot of love to give, he enjoyed being the leader and defeating other gang leaders, but he must have been craving someone who could take care of him for once, she knew that she wanted to be that person.

When they finished dessert, he pulled her chair closer to his and cradled one of her blushing cheek into his palm.

“Are you aware of my intentions towards you?” He asked in a serious tone, she knew that he wasn’t fooling around. Now or never. She nodded as much as she could with the gentle hold on her face, but he wasn’t having it. “Answer me with words, I want to see if you really want this.” She felt dizzy by hearing his dominating tone.

“Yes, I know your intentions with me.” She replied shyly.

“What are they?” His fingers started to move her hair out of her face, caressing her in the process.

“Y-You want to make me yours.” She spoke lowly, it was hard to speak when he was looking at her as if he was seconds away from ravaging her.

“Yes, and do you want that, (Y/N)? Do you want me to make you mine?” He was even closer now, he whispered seductively in her ear, his full lips were nearly touching the shell of her ear. “Just say the word, sweetheart, and I will give you everything you crave. Please, let me give you the world.” Thomas Shelby barely used the word ‘please’, but he was nearly begging for her. She almost giggled, as if she really needed much convincing.

“I want it, I want it so bad, Tommy…” She was getting impatient, and he saw it on her.

“Shh, sweetheart… Don’t let your pretty head worry, I’m going to take care of you so nicely.” He stood up and stuck his hand out for her to take. “Come.”

He walked with her to his bedroom, she was walking behind him so she couldn’t see the wicked grin on his lips. When they stepped in the door, he just kept on walking, which caused her to walk backwards, until her knees hit the bed and she had fallen down on it.

He didn’t waste a second and crawled on top of her, his lips slowly finding hers. Their kiss started out slow, he guided her lips with his own. After a few minutes, noticing that she was starting to become more and more confident, he slipped his tongue into her open mouth. His hand wandered to her back, where the zipper was, his head pulled away so he could ask for silent permission. Once he got it, he helped her sit up and he removed the dress. Sitting back on his heels, he admired the sight in front of him, her young body was just begging to be ruined. She was wearing the lace, she looked exactly like an angel. His lips glued themselves to her neck and they sucked and bit, her noises were proof that she was enjoying his touch. He made sure to really mark her up, she wasn’t going to leave his mansion for a while, he needed his time with his new prize. She bit down on her lips to hide her moans, something he growled at.

“Don’t you dare. I want to hear you, don’t hold back, sweetheart.”

He went down to her breasts, he also reached under her arched back and unclasped her bra. She tried to cover herself, but he was having none of it. He slowly unpeeled her arms from her chest and kissed all around her breasts. “How beautiful! Such a nice pair of tits you have, the best I’ve seen.” He sucked a nipple into his mouth and she mewled loudly, she didn’t expect to feel so aroused while getting her nipples sucked at. He made sure that he gave both of her tits the same treatment before going lower.

Before he could do more, he stood up to remove his shirt and pants, her presence was making him hotter by the minute. He hooked his fingers into her panties and his cock nearly tore his underwear when he saw how the crotch was stuck to her entrance. She was already so ready for him. He yanked harder and they finally parted, he brought her panties up to his nose and inhaled deeply. “Mhm, so sweet… But, I think I need to feel this from the source.” Tommy dropped to his knees in front of her spread legs, her mind was making her doubt herself. What if she looked ugly down there? What if it smelled or tasted b—

“OH— Tommy!” She moaned loudly when his tongue licked a long stripe up her slit. He just chuckled into her pussy darkly, then he moved on to her pleasure. His mouth was sucking her throbbing clit, his fingers slowly circled her entrance, teasing her.

“Fuck… Your cunt tastes divine, and it’s only for my mouth to taste.” It wasn’t even a question. She was unable to form a coherent sentence, she could only moan and thrash on his tongue. He took one finger and he slowly eased it into her, she was so wet that it slipped right into her, he didn’t hesitate to add another one. “You’re going so good, I cannot wait to feel this tight virgin pussy on my cock.” He curled his fingers and rubbed them right into her spongy spot, her fingers grabbed his hair and tried to push his face more into her heat. He felt her clenching more and more, so he sped up his movements and grinned proudly when she came undone with a whiny moan and a desperate call of his name.

He kissed his way back up to her heaving chest and looked up at her flushed face. He talked her through it, until her breathing evened out again. He slowly slipped his underwear off, his back straightened out for her to see his big cock. It was veiny and thick and it made her nervous. He kept her legs spread, while he kneeled between them, one of his hand smoothing her face and the other one gripped himself at his base. “Want to give a little touch? Don’t be scared, I’m going to make this very pleasurable for you, my sweet girl.” He hissed when her fingertips made contact with his dripping tip, he was so pent up and her soft touch nearly made him blow his load all over her juicy tits, but he had to stay patient. “Are you ready? Ready to become mine?”

“Yes, Tommy, please, I want to feel you. I-I waited for you.” This caused him to grin and give her a deep kiss.

“I know you did, little one.” He positioned himself at her entrance and he slowly began pushing in, he felt a bit of resistance, but with a sharp thrust, he managed to break through it. He wrapped her up in his arms and whispered sweet nothings into her ear soothingly. “I know, I know. It will feel better in a minute, your pussy just has to adjust to my cock. Relax.” It didn’t hurt as much as she thought it would, but it still did, the girls in her class made it sound worse, or maybe their boyfriends didn’t take the time to prep them properly. That made her so proud, her Tommy made sure she was ready. She tried her best to relax her muscles and she felt the pain lessen. She planted a shy kiss on Tommy’s neck at which he chuckled at. “Good girl. You’re mine now, only mine.” He slowly began moving in and out of her.

Her walls gripped on him like a vice, he didn’t need any whores anymore, he had her now. His hands lifted her hips up a bit, so his cock was hitting her spot at every thrust. He went more and more faster, his fingers also began rubbing on her swollen clitoris.

“AH— Tommy, I’m going to—do that thing again.” His innocent little girl, so good for him.

“Good… I can feel you squeeze me, come on, sweet girl, come for me. Come on my cock. Let me fill you up. Let me make you mine.” With a shout of his name and a cry, she came around him. When he felt her walls pulsing around him, he let go too. His warm cum painted her walls, and it was such a delicious sensation. He stayed inside her for a few minutes, both of them trying to catch their breaths.

When he pulled out, he sat back so he could watch his cum leak out of her spent hole. He looked down proudly at his softening cock, which had some of her blood on it. Shit, he really filled her up with his load, there was so much of it. And the whiteness of him and the dark crimson of her virginity made such a lovely contrast together.

He took a rag from his bedside table and cleaned her up, making sure that he was gentle with her, the girl just got fucked and she was sensitive both physically and mentally, he had to be gentle.

After he made sure they were both clean, he once again brought her into his embrace. He smiled at her lovingly, which caused her to do the same. Her hair was all puffy from his touch, but he loved it.

“Are you okay? Does it hurt?” He cradled her cheek, and caressed her under eye area with his fingertip.

“I’m good, I feel a bit sore, but it’s okay.” She nuzzled into his neck and left little kisses. “I’m so happy to be here with you.”

He smiled in a way he didn’t for a long time, and he felt his heartbeat quicken. He wanted to give the world to the girl in his arms, and he felt the primal urge to protect her and keep her away from all the bad. “Me too. I’m happy to know that you’re finally mine.”

taglist: @your-nanas-house

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writingonleaves · 1 month

Text

were you sent by someone who wanted me dead? (did you sleep with a gun underneath our bed?) - jeremy swayman

pairing: jeremy swayman x original female character

warnings: swearing, pretty angsty. hopeful ish ending because i can't do sad endings, very personal but i think many can relate in their own way, cliche ish, barely proofread

inspired by + title: "the smallest man who ever lived" by taylor swift

word count: 5.6k

author's note: i'd argue almost every piece any author writes is personal, because it has their life interspersed through the words. but this one really is, because a majority of this is the exact same words i wrote years ago after a break-up. heard the bridge to this song and immediately knew i had to write something inspired by it. also trying a new format of sorts (maybe a bit meta??), so i hope you enjoy and lmk what you think!!

~*~*~

When Noelle Betsko walked away from Jeremy Swayman, holding back tears until the call dropped, she knew it was going to be a tough time for the foreseeable future.

It didn’t matter that the pandemic had forced them apart. She knew she would still feel him for months to come.

She did the only thing she knows how to do when trying to deal with things. The one thing she always resorts to as an aspiring novelist. Sometimes on her laptop when the words were spilling out too quickly for her brain to catch up, tears littering the keyboard. Usually in her old beat-up journal, scribbling in the cursive that Jeremy claimed he always loved (“It makes your handwriting unique”) with the pens he had gifted her just a few months prior.

At the age of 21, Noelle got her heart broken for the first time. At the age of 26, she’s about to publish her first poetry collection of sorts, all of the poems modeled after journal entries written throughout her life. So not really poetry, though her mother would say otherwise.

She swallows as she thumbs through the middle part of the first known and binded copy of “miscellaneous.” There are only eight entries in the whole collection that are taken verbatim from her past writing. These are the eight.

May 13, 2020 (three days post-breakup, crying in my childhood bedroom)

I don’t even recognize who I was and who you were in those writings before these pages filled with love and hope and happiness. I can’t even summon up those feelings anymore that I knew existed at one point. Those feelings of complete bliss and love for someone so deep you can’t explain it.

I’m mad at myself for not being able to conjure those feelings, because at one point, I did love you. How could something that was part of my daily life for over two years just disappear so quickly?

But now, I’m not mad at myself. I’m mad, but I don’t know where to direct that anger to. I feel a bit empty sometimes, but then frustrated the next. Sometimes I get sad, but not so much compared to the other feelings. I spent enough time being sad during our relationship.

When we broke up, on an annoyingly beautiful Tuesday in May — over the damn phone, mind you, which whatever, it’s COVID. Fine — You told me you felt like you had been putting more effort into us.

At the time, I didn’t react, but I’ve been thinking about how angry that statement made me. Makes me, actually. I was always very open with how much I gave to that relationship. How much it meant to me. How much it affected me. But I understand that with some people, sharing everything too much equates to things not meaning anything anymore. But you out of all people should’ve known that I mean everything I say.

I felt like I gave so much. I know I gave so much. When I told you I loved you, I always meant it. Every single time. When I told you I missed you, I always meant it. I wished you were right next to me at that moment. I mentally gave so much, because to me, I wanted to. You were always on my mind, always high up on my list of priorities. I never took us for granted.

I’ve been questioning if that was the same for you. Did you start becoming complacent?

The second thing you said that day that hasn’t left my head is that you knew me pretty well. And initially, I remember not thinking much of it. So I don’t doubt that; you always knew right when I was about to cry, even over the phone. You often knew when I was mad or upset, but when I look back now, you never pushed. Which is a good thing, to an extent. But it was a bad thing sometimes too. I knew you often wanted to give me space, but sometimes I didn’t want space. I wanted you to push. To try to understand. Maybe that’s unfair of me; it probably is. I should just say I want to talk about it more, right?

But if you genuinely knew me, you would’ve known.

After two years, seven months and 12 days, I still feel like I didn’t know you. Did I ever know you at all?

When people talked shit about you, I always defended you. And I still would defend you now. But lately, I've questioned what I’m even defending. All those good qualities that I thought you had, were they even real? Of course, I know some of them were, to a certain extent. But as I look back on us, there’s a lot of doubt about whether I even knew the person I called my boyfriend for so long. I know there was a point where you cared about me, but I can’t remember when.

I often felt like I was letting you know so much about my life, but you didn’t do the same. I get that sometimes a person just wants to forget about the bad and focus on the good with a person you like for awhile. I get that. But once that was happening every damn time? That should’ve been a red flag.

June 7, 2020 (twenty eight days post break-up, outside my childhood room on the deck)

I don’t understand how you can give so much to something or someone and have it not be recognized or appreciated or enough. If I wasn’t enough for you, how will I be enough for anyone?

I hope one day you’ll truly understand how much this hurt. Not just the breakup, but feeling like I was always being pulled in a direction I didn’t always want to be pulled in. Feeling I was stuck between a rock and a hard place and never ever being able to win. I hate that I settled so much in the last year. Because I should’ve demanded more, even though deep down I knew you were never going to be able to give it to me.

I think back to our past daily texts, and I just don’t get it. At one point, we both meant the things we said to each other.

Yet we still hurt each other.

This fucking hurts.

You’ve hurt me so much, but most of it wasn’t intentional, which I think is somewhat even worse. Because I’m not totally mad at you for causing the pain. You never did anything outright to cause me pain, but I still feel like you did.

Unintentional pain almost stings more than intentional.

When I asked you out that night after we were both on an emotional high, I took a chance. For once in my life, I took the leap, knowing that I could get humiliated or hurt or just straight up shot down.

Where did it all go wrong? Or, more realistically, how did we think that we could go through the wrong when it was there at the start?

I’m trying not to blame myself too much. Trying not to tell myself that I should’ve known better.

All those times, especially at the start, when I would ask you if you genuinely liked me, you always thought I was just trying to be annoying. But you never understood that I genuinely thought that way. My self confidence from the start was lacking, and you didn’t try to understand that, because I come across to everyone as confident and self-assured.

It hurt, when you would brush things off like that. I felt like you didn’t care.

And then, it got to the point where I stopped asking that question. Part of that is because I did become more confident and you did show that you cared, and part of that was because I knew it would piss you off.

The amount of things I was scared to talk about with you because I knew it would piss you off? I don’t wish that feeling on anybody.

I shouldn’t have been scared. I shouldn’t have been uncomfortable. But I was. And if you did notice like sometimes you claimed to, why didn’t you make it more comfortable for me? Was that too much to ask for?

So larger than life that at the end, you faded into just the smallest man who ever lived. Fuck you.

Was it too much to ask for when I just wanted to know why you were upset? You didn’t have to ever tell me the full story (lord knows there were times I didn’t), but was it too much to ask for something? You told me once that I’m the person you’ve told the most to. How? You barely told me anything. And when I wanted to talk to you, whether it was about growing up in Alaska or why you were in a bad mood last night, you always brushed it off. Always.

So I don’t feel so bad about feeling like I gave more effort. I gave so much of myself to you. If you really cared about me like you claimed you did, why couldn’t you show even just 1% of that care back? Or just meet me in the middle?

I could’ve tried harder to meet you in the middle, I’ll admit that. But you didn’t even give me a map or a clue how to.

I felt so fucking left in the dark. I felt left in the dark about my own fucking relationship, something that I should be completely sure about. If you really love someone and care about them, how can you leave them in the dark? How could you not even see that I was struggling to find a flashlight?

You did care about me. I know that. To some extent and at some point in time, you did care about me. But caring about someone and their well-being isn’t always enough.

Why couldn’t you have worked with me? When I was extending my hand out, why didn’t you reach for it? How can someone just be so blind? I mean, I’m practically always spelling it out for you.

Maybe I am being selfish. But fuck, I just wanted to be happy. At some point, you made me happy. When did I start making you feel like I wasn’t enough? Why wasn’t I enough for you?

It’s useless, in a way, to keep going about this. Because I know I deserve better. And we’ll both find people who are better for us. We just couldn’t be that person to each other.

I fucking loved you.

I wish it ended differently.

July 8, 2020 (fifty nine days post-breakup, in front of the lake)

I really really fucking miss you.

I do.

I miss being able to text you that i love you and not necessarily expecting a response until the next morning. I miss knowing that as soon as you wake up, you’ll text me back and assure me that yeah, you love me too.

I’m left feeling bittersweet as I look back on memories that are just splashes and not definite strokes on the canvas that used to be us.

I miss having you as a friend.

I’ve been having more urges lately to want to text you. And it isn’t even anything important. Just moments I experience throughout the day.

Do you get the urge to do the same?

July 19, 2020 (seventy days post-breakup, still in the same damn house)

It’s hard. It really is. And it kinda just hits you at random parts of the day. Sometimes I wake up from a dream that you were in and have to remind myself that it didn’t happen.

Sometimes it physically aches when I realize that you won’t ever help me put on my jacket again, or complain that my hair is in your face when we’re lying on the couch watching Brooklyn Nine Nine, or groan when I drag you up to dance with me (which you never improved on, no matter how many times I tried to teach you basic rhythm). I can’t view our song the same way anymore, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to.

The other day, I read some simple thing on Twitter. I don’t even remember what it was, but I do remember that for a split second, I could see your smile in my mind. But it wasn’t just any smile. It was the smile you gave me when you took me ice skating that first time. I remember asking you what you were smiling at, and you said that you just were taking in this moment. I don’t know if you took a mental picture that day, but I know I did. That day seems so long ago now.

In almost anything I do, you somehow pop into my mind or into the conversation. And it’s not even in a harmful way either. It’s because you were part of my life for so long. I see a dog on the street, and it reminds me of how you always stopped to pet every single one we’s see I write something in my messy handwriting, and I remember how you always used to complain that you couldn’t read the notes I’d occasionally leave around your place when you went away. I went to the doctor’s the other day, and they said I was 5 feet and 3 inches, which is just definitely not true, and I almost reached for my phone to text you, because you would’ve cackled and insisted that no, I’m 5 feet 2 inches and it wouldn’t even matter because I’ll always be shorter than you. It’s simple and minute things that make me miss you that much more.

I still can’t listen to some songs the same way anymore, but I can at least listen to them now, which is a feat in itself. I was unpacking from college and found the teddy bear you sent me the first extended time we had to be apart and had to immediately put that out of my sight. From those boxes also came photos that I had decorated my dorm room with, and to be honest, I’m glad now that I let you keep our best one. I deal with all my emotions, besides writing, by making Spotify playlists, and I made a new one earlier this week. I think it’s helping. It’s a slow process, this whole moving on thing, but it’s one that I’m trying to be grateful for, because like most things in life, you just don’t truly know until you go through it.

Sometimes, I find myself wondering how you are and how you’re healing. But, even though we’ve both changed since the day we met, if there’s one thing I know, it’s that you’re incredibly strong and stubborn. I hope that you’re finding some growth in this process too.

October 17, 2020 (one hundred fifty seven days post-break up, apartment in orono)

It’s been almost 5 months, and you still cross my mind everyday.

Why wasn’t I enough for you? Why didn’t you fucking tell me what you were thinking? Why was I the one who had to approach you just because I was just so done with the silent treatment?

But I’m not mad at you. Not anymore. The mad phase passed ages ago.

Closure is a fake word. Even a breakup as mutual and smooth as ours was still left me with so many questions that will probably never be answered.

Any breakup fucks you up to some extent. I knew it was going to mess me up even back when we were together. But not like this. Never like this.

But like anything in life, I guess you can never really prepare for what you think you might feel, because most of the time, you discover a whole new side of you that you never thought existed.

I don’t miss you. I don’t. I don’t feel that love in any way anymore.

But I did once.

You did too, right?

November 15, 2020 (one hundred eighty six days post break-up, fogler library)

I hate Halloween.

Though, it did bring me to you three years ago. I’m pretty sure I fell in love with you right then and there.

Three years later, you texted me on Halloween, five months after our breakup. The universe really, really wanted to fuck with me.

It was a tough night for you. I knew that. Because I know how you are after losing a game you should’ve won. But that didn’t mean that I owed you anything and had to respond.

We agreed on no contact if we ever wanted to stay friends. Clearly, friends is out of the picture now, but come on. A vulnerable text after a bad night because you know I would feel bad for you?

Fuck, you know how much I would hate that. You had to have known.

Just because we’re not dating anymore doesn’t mean that everything about you just disappears. I still know your tendencies. I still know exactly how my head burrows into your chest during a hug. I still know the actions I used to do that would be followed by you attacking me with a hug. I still could point you out in a crowd.

I looked for you in every crowd for years.

That stuff doesn’t just go away, no matter how much I want it to. But fuck. Fuck. Why did you text me?

I don’t regret how I handled it. I probably would’ve responded months ago. But just like you, I’ve grown these last couple of months.

It was comforting, for a split second, to know that maybe, just maybe, these past couple of months have been hard for you too. It makes me feel human. It makes me feel like I’m not crazy.

I’m glad you texted me. You gave me another level of closure I hadn’t known that I needed until then.

But fuck, dude. You know me better than that. You should know me better than that.

I hate Halloween.

November 26, 2020 (one hundred ninety seven days, at the coffee shop i brought you to when you came home with me two years ago)

I don’t regret loving you, but I hate you for what you did to me.

Or maybe not.

I hate knowing that even though we haven’t been in a relationship in a bit, it feels like sometimes, you’re on my mind the exact same amount when we were dating. I hate knowing that I gave so much of myself and my love to you, and it always felt unrecognized.

Fuck, will it ever stop hurting? Will I ever be able to have to stop myself from thinking about you? Will it ever stop?

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Happy birthday. I hope you enjoy it.

June 12, 2021 (three hundred ninety five days post-break up, in boston, visiting a friend)

Tonight, when a friend asked me about you and how I felt about how we ended, I was able to articulate my thoughts clearly. I’m really proud of myself for getting to a point where I can take the lessons I learned the few months after we broke up and acknowledge them in a succinct way without breaking down into tears. Just watery eyes and the occasional voice crack

I’m also proud that I can say that when we were dating, I lost a bit of myself. For months, it was really hard to admit out loud.

I’m proud of how far I’ve come. Sometimes, I wish I could call or text you about it, because I think you’d be proud too. And I know I’d be proud of you. I am, to be honest. I do break resolve once in awhile and check on you through various avenues.

I still haven’t seen you in person since the last time COVID made us say goodbye. Maybe I never will again. But day by day, I’m starting to accept that and be okay with it. I’m accepting that memories that used to be so painted in my mind are blurry or almost completely erased now. But that’s okay. Honestly, it’s probably for the best.

I wonder, when you think about it, if you think about different moments that I do. That’s the thing when something ends. You have to be okay with letting go of those moments and realizing that just because you forget them, doesn’t mean they weren’t important.

I don’t think I miss you. I hesitate in saying that. Because I’ve moved on and handled the aftermath of it better than I think both of us ever thought I could. When you hung up the phone for the last time, I proved to myself again that I’m stronger than I give myself credit for. I think we all are. But we don’t realize it until we’re thrown into a situation that we think we’ll never be able to overcome.

But we do. Whether it’s because we’re forced to because there’s no other option, it doesn’t matter. Because we get through. We move on.

I hope you're moving on.

And then it goes into other topics, graduating during a pandemic specifically and losing what’s supposed to be your last year of no responsibilities before adulthood. There are other poems in here that reference a past relationship, but not as much as these eight.

If there’s one thing that Noelle did change, it was taking out the details. Jeremy may have hurt her, but he doesn’t deserve someone possibly making a connection between these poems and their shared background. She’s not a famous author by any means, but she wanted to be careful.

Not that she makes that part of her life publicly known. People don’t need to know that her brother was Jeremy’s captain for two years at Maine and that’s how they met.

Noelle grew up going to rinks. She hasn’t gone to one since they broke up.

But also, what the fuck? It’s been five years since she’s dated the guy. She really is over it by now, even if his rise to stardom in the Bruins flittering on her social media feeds still sometimes has her swallowing a bit before she can continue with her day.

Brooklyn is far enough from Boston. But sometimes it feels like it’s right outside her door.

She’s proud of her first published work. She really is. People believed in her and after numerous notes swapped back and forth with her editor, she did it. She always knew she wanted to work in publishing. She never knew she herself would publish anything.

And here she is now, two weeks after the book release, in Boston, about to do a q&a and a signing. Apparently, “miscellaneous” has been on top of numerous lists and it’s flying off the shelves. Noelle can’t really believe it and tries not to think about it too much, trusting her agent with all of that.

She’s happy to talk about her work and process though. That she can handle. And she’s grateful for all the love.

After a signing at a local bookstore, she decides to walk the 20 minutes home in the Boston fall. It’s a bit brisk, but she doesn’t mind and she just wanders, belly filled with delicious sushi she inhaled for dinner with an old friend.

Of course it happens the one time during her walk when she doesn’t avoid eye contact with someone. The song playing in her earbuds fade out of her focus and she almost stumbles.

Jeremy’s eyes were always Noelle’s favorite thing about him. She thought she would’ve forgotten what they looked like by now. But clearly she hasn’t.

Her eyes quickly cast to the person next to him. It’s definitely a girl. They’re a bit too far away for Noelle to pick out details. But it’s enough. He’s walking on the side closest to the street. It’s a Friday Night in a bustling part of the city.

It hurts. She wishes it didn’t.

Even from far away, she sees his eyes blink in recognition. Noelle puts her head back down and walks faster.

(She cries in the shower when she gets back to the hotel. She had debated feeling super sorry for herself and going to the hotel bar but refrained)

She has a few free days in Boston before flying back to New York. When she wakes up the next morning, she debates on going home early. But no, she won’t let a three second glance at someone ruin her time here. She used to occasionally come here during her college days. She loves this city.

The city may be Jeremy’s, but she can make space for herself here too.

She takes her time at a cafe, people watching and eating some breakfast. As she takes her coffee to-go, she looks out the window at the bookstore she was in the night before for the signing. She almost drops her coffee.

Jeremy walks into the book store.

Now, Noelle is debating her options. What she should do is continue with her day and walk in the opposite direction. But she’s always been too nosy for her own good. And maybe a bit self destructive. She decides to leave the cafe and cross the street immediately, so impatient to where she’s almost tapping her foot as the pedestrian signal stays red.

As a writer, she’s no stranger to movie moments. The scenes written in books or movies where the timing is too accurate to be real. The situation too good to be true. But after a car speeds through an orange and she can finally walk, she stops in her tracks instead, feet glued down to the sidewalk.

Because Jeremy is right in front of her on the other side of the street. Her book in his hand. And he’s looking right at her.

The first feeling she can recognize in herself is anger. Anger at the way their relationship panned out. Anger at the way they ended. Anger at the radio silence the years following. Anger at him for everything. Angry at herself for everything.

The second feeling is, weirdly, shame, which she’s embarrassed by. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. But she feels it anyways.

The third, and perhaps the most prominent, is emptiness. Five fucking years later, and she’s brought back to the emptiness she felt immediately after they broke up. The emptiness that the person you loved isn’t yours anymore — who maybe wasn’t ever yours to begin with.

Before she can run, he’s already crossed the street to her. He looks naturally different as someone who you haven’t seen in five years would. But he also heartbreakingly looks the same.

“We should get out of people’s way,” Noelle manages to chokes out.

Jeremy laughs a bit. Her heart lurches. “Yeah.” He starts walking and she follows him wordlessly. This is his city after all.

He leads them to a bench under a tree with beautiful fall foliage. She puts at least a foot between them as they both sit down, staring out at the people passing. She can’t take the silence.

“I see you bought my book.”

“I did,” he replies evenly. “Congratulations. I always knew you would do it.”

She squeezes her eyes shut. Maybe if she squeezes hard enough she’ll forget when she originally pitched Jeremy the bare bones idea of the exact same book that’s currently in his hand. “Thank you. Congratulations to you too. On everything.”

“You’ve been watching?”

She shakes her head. “No. But, you know Seth and…yeah. It comes up during family calls sometimes.”

“Why didn’t you say hi last night?”

She looks pointedly at a couple walking their dog. “You seemed busy.”

“She wasn’t-that-it doesn’t mean anything.”

“Oh. Because that makes me feel so much better,” she spits out, before taking a deep breath. “Whatever. It doesn’t matter. We broke up ages ago.”

“I’m sorry,” she gives him a look and is slightly proud of how he seems to shrink into himself a bit. “I-I know it’s five years too late. I know I didn’t handle it as well as I should’ve. But for what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”

The thing is, Noelle always thought that maybe hearing an apology someday would make her feel better. But now that’s heard it, she’s not sure she does.

She swallows. “I appreciate that.”

“I’ve already read it, you know.”

“Read what?”

Jeremy runs a hand through his hair. “Your book. One of my teammate’s girlfriend recommended it and I asked to borrow it. It’s fantastic,” He looks down at the book in his hand. It’s like the cover is taunting her. “I wanted my own copy.”

“Oh.”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For letting me off the hook with the poems I know were about me,” he scoffs, shaking his head at himself. “You could’ve written way worse.”

She can’t help but let out a chuckle. “I thought I was pretty mean.”

“Your definition of ‘pretty mean’ is tame compared to a lot of people,” he says, mindlessly flipping through the pages of the book. “You were always the kindest person, even when you shouldn’t have been..”

He puts his hand out in her direction, the hand with the book in it. She furrows her eyebrows. “What-”

“Could I get a signed copy?”

“Jeremy. What do you want from me?”

He sighs, taking his hand back. “A chance to apologize?”

“You’ve already done that.”

“Not in the way I want to and what you deserve.”

She lets out a sigh, turning to face him fully. “I don’t know if that would be worth my time or yours. I know the book just came out, but that was five years ago. I’m over it. Forgive and forget, right?”

“But do you?” Jeremy counters back. “Clearly, you don’t forget, which I deserve. But forgive?”

“We’re just going in circles now.”

“No we’re not,” he says firmly. “You’re just shutting me down because you don’t want to talk about it. I’ve had five years to prepare what I would say to you if I saw you again. You’re telling me you haven’t?”

“Of course I have,” Noelle tips her head back. “But also, what’s the point?”

“The point, is that I still love you.”

“Fuck you,” she says in a strained voice. “You can’t just-you can’t just throw that shit out there. Fuck you.”

He bites his lip, and to her annoyance, he laughs. But she listens more carefully, and it sounds very self deprecating. “I deserved that.”

“Yeah,” Noelle looks down at her feet. “So…what? You still love me?”

“I do.”

“And what are you going to do about that?”

“What are you going to let me do?”

“I live in Brooklyn.”

“I know,” she whips her head up. Jeremy looks sheepish, which she didn’t even think was something he knew how to do. “Seth mentioned it when we caught up a bit ago. I also still follow you on Instagram.”

She tries again. “It’s been five years.”

“And I’m here sitting with you and still feel the exact same way I did back then. Even more, to be honest.” He eyes her pointedly. “Any more excuses?”

Her voice softens. “You really hurt me.”

“I know. And I’m so sorry, Noelle.”

“I hurt you too.”

He shrugs. “We were young and stupid.”

“And we’re still not?” Noelle says with a snort before swallowing. “I’m not the same person you fell in love with.”

“I’m sure I’m not either. But I don’t know if there’s a world where I don’t love every version of you.”

“Even after reading the book?”

“Especially after reading the book,” he sighs. “Noelle, I know this is unfair of me. All of this. And I’m sorry it’s taken me this long to reach out. But I always intended to. And then you’re here? And I see you twice in two days? I’d be an idiot to not try. More of an idiot than I am, anyways.”

“Try for what?”

“A second chance? To be friends? Whatever you want.” He suddenly deflates. “Even if you don’t want anything to do with me. At least I’ll know.”

“Why did you never text me?”

“I thought about it a lot,” he admits. “I tried once, actually, after the high of a really good win. But it didn’t go through. I got the message.”

“The message?”

“You blocked me, right?”

Oh. “Yeah,” she lies. “I did.” She reaches into her bag for a pen and gestures for the book, which he gives to her, a curious gleam in his eyes. “I’m in Boston for two more days, including today.”

He takes the hint immediately. Eagerly. “I have a game tonight, but I’m free tomorrow.”

“Who are you guys playing?”

“Toronto. And I’m starting. Should be a good one.”

She hums non-committedly, scribbling on the inside of the front cover. She hands it back to him with a small, close-lipped smile. She nods at him to read the message.

to my first fan,

i still love you too.

xxx-xxx-xxxx

yours,

noelle

He looks up, eyes shining but a bit confused.

“I never blocked you. I just changed my number.”

“Oh.”

“And even if I still love you, I’m still mad at you.”

“I know. I’d be more surprised if you weren’t.”

She stands up, adjusting the bag on her shoulder and putting her sunglasses on. “Text me?”

His mouth splits wide into a grin. “Yeah. Yeah, of course.”

She backs away with one last attempt at a smile before turning down the street.

#k writes #hockey fanfiction #nhl #nhl fanfiction #nhl fanfic #nhl writing #hockey blurb #hockey writing #boston bruins #jeremy swayman #jeremy swayman blurb #jeremy swayman writing #jeremy swayman fic #jeremy swayman fanfiction #jeremy swayman x ofc #jeremy swayman x oc #jeremy swayman x reader

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cantsomeoneelsedoit · 1 month

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Ch 59: Tetsuzanko

Little Shen negotiating his demands with his teacher is just so wholesome and pure. Here's this kid who is wearing rags and robbing adults for money all while telling his sister that he's the strongest in the world, and he enters a tournament and gets beat, thus proving he's not the strongest, but it doesn't affect his self-confidence at all.

He's still so confident that he proposes conditions for allowing someone to teach him, and it's not that he's being egotistical or delusional, because he admits he got beat at the tournament.

His leverage in this negotiation is offering the opportunity to train the boy who will become the world's strongest. That's how sure he is that he'll achieve his dream!

Shen: "Do it for the exposure! It'll look great in your portfolio!"

It's still not clear what kind of person Shen's teacher is at this point. We know he's interested in strong students and that he's smiling at Shen, but he seems eager to push Shen to his limits.

FENG?! That Feng?! It all makes sense now!

Feng is waiting on his student to surpass him and needs him to get as strong as possible so that he can have a fitting opponent someday. You know, like a certain other "Best in the World" from another series:

Each of them promises to wait as long as it takes for their student to reach their level, too! Feng has an even more Mihawk-ish quote later in the story, one that almost matches word for word.

But unlike my beloved Mihawk, Feng specifically promised not to age, which is a bit of an odd thing to say unless it's related to his negation ability.

Back to the battle, Shen immediately uses Untruth as he and Feng charge at each other with the sun shining over both of them as in the panels from the previous chapter.

Oho.

Feng is surprised, but Untruth doesn't seem to throw him off his game too badly. Narration boxes explain how Shen's ability isn't foolproof. He has to keep in mind everything he knows about his opponent's skills, tendencies, mood, and the chances of his ability backfiring--all in real time during a fight. He basically has to think for two people during a battle.

That last panel is so pretty!

Shen realizes that this guy is going to be more trouble than he'd thought! He begins to put the puzzle together:

Andy and Fuuko hadn't had a chance to tell Shen about Life Is Strange and its anti-aging abilities because the battle started almost as soon as they arrived.

Feng's style name is written on his outfit. It has the Under symbol and then 八极 "baji" in simplified Mandarin.

Baji is short for Bajiquan, a Chinese martial arts style. Feng has his own variant style of baji, but we haven't yet learned its name. When Feng uses the Zhen Jiao step-in, Shen recognizes it as one of the fundamental moves of baji and it adds to his suspicions that this mystery opponent has the same fighting style as his old master.

It's a quick, explosive, close-quarters kind of combat that's honestly terrifying:

youtube

After escaping with the step-in, Feng soars high above and shields himself with one of the jiangshi. Shen remarks that using a "human" shield to block attacks is something his old master would do--we're slowly learning more and more that Feng might not have been a very caring teacher...

Feng, wearing a hooded robe the entire time and concealing his identity from almost everyone in the series: "Heh, I suppose it's no wonder you don't know who I am!" Yeah, no shit. That's how disguises work!

Shen proves once again that he has no sentimental reservations about punching the zombified corpse of his former rival, but Feng spins away from the punch and lines up for his next wicked sick move.

Bajiquan's most famous move is the tetsuzanko 鉄山靠, "iron mountain lean," a kind of shoulder check/throw/battering ram. Feng's version is called hakkaizanko 捌廻山靠 "eight cycle mountain strike/lean."

youtube

It's a well-known baji move with Feng's own spin on it. He hits Shen so hard that he has a flashback!

"Aren't schools supposed to be free of dummies" is hilarious, but in just a few pages, Shen says that he can't go to school because he's a dummy. Poor kid! He doesn't even think he belongs in school! He has a lot of confidence in his strength, but not in his smarts. It's especially sad because we know that Shen's actually not dumb at all! T.T

Was Feng really joking though? He's so hard to read!

The siblings go outside to train under the full moon. Mei learns the tetsuzanko and appears to master it in a short time-- but the sfx covers up her joyful moment in the last panel, and it continues across each panel of the flashback as Feng's true nature is revealed.

"Rather than having three disciples, what if I just have one extremely traumatized disciple?"

Feng was never interested in training Shen for Shen's sake. He wasn't trying to get all the glory for himself, either. I mean, he could've won that tournament hands-down if he wanted to, but he didn't even try (and we see here that he could easily beat the current champion). All that Feng wanted was to train someone who could get strong enough to give him a good fight, and he was willing to hurt that person as much as he could in order to make them into a meaner, stronger version of themselves.

The story cuts back to the present and we FINALLY see Feng's face! Noooooo, he's handsome! How can I hate him now?!?!

I don't think we've ever seen Shen look like this before. He has the same wild look in his eyes as he did when Feng first recruited him! Now Feng is hoping to use that wild side of Shen to create his ideal opponent. Is Shen just taking the bait?

Masterpost

#overreading undead unluck #undead unluck #undead unluck spoilers

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feroluce · 11 hours

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I have been informed by a mutual aid that you are a henghill enjoyer. You've single-handedly gotten me to care about Gepard and I would love to hear your thoughts on Cowborg Menace x Dragon That Can't Catch a Break

Aaaaaaaa I'm really flattered!! I have also been informed by a mutual aid that you have good taste (read: rvb enjoyer) and I need you to know that part of the reason I treat Gepard the way I do, like messing with him constantly, is because he makes me think of Wash. Poor dude was doomed the moment I got my grubby little mitts on him sksjkskdjd

But anyway yes, henghill! They really got me by the throat out of nowhere in 2.2. They're just. Surprisingly sweet?

The two of them get along very well, they see eye to eye on a lot of matters and have some similar mannerisms, they can hold long conversations together, and they have a shockingly swift understanding of the other in a very small amount of time! Platonically or romantically, there's a lot to dig into there. ♡

And I do mean a lot this basically ended up becoming a big long ship manifesto I'm so sorry zmjzznkdjd

Like first of all they're both fucking nerds over each other. Boothill's adoration for the Xianzhou alliance is already well-documented in his About Dan Heng voice line, and is appropriately pointed out in the fandom as sounding gay as all hell.

We know what you are, Boothill.

But then! He further cements it by trying to use Xianzhou sayings in front of Dan Heng haha

Not only that, but Boothill was able to recognize the Jade Abacus of Allying Oath for what it was like immediately, and instantly took it as proof of Dan Heng's identity as a Nameless. The validation of the Xianzhou is clearly a huge deal to him.

And Dan Heng plays it cool but like. I don't think he's actually much better JFKLASJDKL

The in-game Data Bank, which is supposed to be written and maintained by Dan Heng himself, has a pretty positive glowing review of the Galaxy Rangers.

And I feel the need to point out that like. The Galaxy Rangers are essentially a vigilante justice group..."group" being a pretty loose term, there isn't a whole lot of organization in there. Not everyone has a very good view of them because they're outlaws and there's a pretty wide and wild variety of individuals in the mix there, Boothill even confirms it as such.

And that archive entry is a hilariously stark contrast to the one for the Masked Fools, who Dan Heng does NOT seem to respect. So you can tell he puts a lot of his own opinion into the data and you can really see where his preferences lie KFDLAJFKLD

He does let his fanboy slip when Boothill first announces himself as a Galaxy Ranger though, just a little bit haha:

They're like the equivalent of when your favorite big name fandom person follows you back, you feel me fjkdjasflkdjskal

Which. I feel like it does make sense that he would really idolize the Galaxy Rangers and see them as heroes. Dan Heng is someone who was a victim of centuries of wrongful imprisonment and political power plays, and it would have been way worse had Jing Yuan not gone above the preceptors to protect him. He is someone that the system failed, and horrifically so. Of course he would like the idea of righteous heroes who stand for justice and travel the cosmos freely to help people.

And as @hydrachea, CEO of Dan Heng Enterprises and Super Genius with Giant Wrinkly Brain pointed out, this background DOES lay the foundation for Dan Heng to relate to Boothill a lot. You see this displayed beautifully in his Keeping Up With Star Rail video, where Dan Heng gets really protective of him, I adored it so so much. ♡

In it, Dan Heng not only comments that he originally came because he thought he was giving a presentation on how to be friendly with Boothill, but every time the IPC tries to paint him as some violent dangerous ruthless criminal, Dan Heng speaks up to explain his way of thinking and to defend him. It was really sweet!

And Dan Heng is protective of people anyway. He serves as the Guard of the Astral Express for a reason. He had nothing and no one before Himeko took him in, and now that he's found companions to love he is viciously defensive of them. You see it in the way he guards March 7th during fights on Jarilo-IV, in how he goes out of his way to bring important info to the trailblazer, in how he left the safety of the Express and infiltrated the Luofu because he was terrified he was going to lose them. But there's maybe a little extra layer of Understanding in the way he so persistently speaks up in Boothill's defense.

And I'm sure that this is a part of him that Boothill really admires, too, because Dan Heng also displays these instincts in Penacony. He makes the decision not just once, but twice, to use the Jade Abacus to save the Express Crew. And we know from Boothill's earlier reaction to it that like. The Jade Abacus is a Big Fuckin' Deal. It is something of immense value. Even with everything that's at stake, Boothill urges him to really make sure he wants to use it.

And this was something that really got me in the heart later, because! In Ena's Dream, Dan Heng once again decides to use the Jade Abacus, and. I'm not quite sure I can effectively put it in words, but there is something just so so sweet in the way that Boothill tells him no, Dan Heng should keep it. This is a get out of jail free card that could save his life down the line, he wants him to have it in case he finds himself in danger again later.

It really gives the feeling that Boothill actually wanted Dan Heng to not have to rely on this before, but there was no other way at the time. But now there IS something Boothill can do about it, and he wants to do something about it. A sorta-kinda "let me protect you this time"-ish feeling. If that makes any sense. He doesn't want Dan Heng to have to make that sacrifice.

Because I think Boothill would consider that a really admirable and respectable action, especially given his background. The IPC eradicated his homeplanet. He lost his parents, his siblings, his daughter, his home all in one fell swoop, and he has been on a fully dedicated revenge quest ever since. How could he not be a little awed by someone willing to give so much to protect his home and his family?

I think it's something the two of them understand in each other, because as it shows in the dialogue the first time Dan Heng decided to use the Jade Abacus, Boothill caught on immediately. He already knew what Dan Heng was planning before he even said so. And it's not even the first time he does that! Even as early as their initial entrance into the Reverie, Boothill is able to tell when Dan Heng is stressed, why he's stressed, and he backs off and gives him space without any fuss.

And it works! After the Express Crew are safe, they go from Dan Heng correcting him to more just kind of going with Boothill's flow, and I feel like this is a much better basis for their interactions.

Also I'm crying about Dan Heng blabbing that the trailblazer is a vessel of a Stellaron, gossipy little dragon fjdkasjfdklsaj

Like the two of them just GET each other! And so quickly and easily! It's ridiculous! Dan Heng is able to explain the methods behind Boothill's madness. Boothill is able to read Dan Heng like a book. They both had the same reaction to learning Acheron was a Self-Annihilator. They both really believe it's just fine and normal to have a weapon out if you don't trust someone yet- Boothill pulled his gun on Acheron the second he saw her, Dan Heng got his spear out and poked Sampo the first time he met him (valid). And they both act Like That because they're similar flavors of wary and cautious. They had to prove their identities to each other when they first met before either of them could relax.

They're both frank, and blunt, and will openly call shit out or question it when they see fit. They both believe in answering the call to action, and share a lot of their ideologies of The Hunt, like upholding justice and saving the innocent and protecting the weak. Boothill lives to fuck over the IPC and keep them from colonizing more planets like his, Dan Heng didn't even consider his own wants and asked to go to Edo Star to help the population there. They take their creeds seriously, and dedicate themselves to them, enough to be offended by imposters. Dan Heng dislikes Boothill claiming to be a Nameless, Boothill was literally hunting down Acheron for parading around as a Galaxy Ranger.

And all throughout 2.2, Boothill displays an immense knowledge of Paths and Aeons and even Emanators, and Dan Heng is a huge nerd an archiver and a collector of knowledge. The conversations these two could have!! They've both been to a lot of places and seen a lot of things, and I think Dan Heng especially would love listening to Boothill's stories and then adding them to the data bank. They can probably relate on rough travel, too- Boothill refers to the Astral Express as "bunkin' in luxury" and Pom-Pom once said Dan Heng was "used to sleeping on the rope." When March 7th takes the trailblazer to look for Dan Heng, she even phrases this as though he and Boothill have been talking together for quite a while!

Hell, even when they awaken in Ena's Dream, they arrive together:

They were together for almost the entirety of 2.2; literally the very first scene of it was their introduction. They only truly separated when Dan Heng went to help in the fight with The Great Septimus and Boothill to gather the Rangers (and then go shoot Aventurine full of holes fjkdlsajd) but! I'm really hoping we'll get to see more of them together in 2.3! They were a really cool duo, and it was so fun to watch them all through this update, I really want to see more of them now and explore their relationship dynamic more! ♡

#honkai star rail #henghill #bootheng #dan heng #boothill #hsr #I know they're probably going to be like how Dan Heng and Luocha never interacted after the Luofu main quests but LET ME BELIEVE #I'm just a sucker for ships where they quickly get each other. all the more if they're largely regarded as difficult people by others uweh #(Dan Heng is called cold and reticent and Boothill is a wanted felon fjdlksajflkdas)#this got way longer than I meant it to. thank god I take so many screenshots. I basically have all of 2.2 in stills jfdksjdkl #and I edited and sorted through a lot of them plus all the writing so this had better convince at least one person dammit!!#henghill is one of those ships I can really enjoy platonic or romantic they're just very sweet either way

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walkswithmyfather · 9 months

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Revelation 22:13 (NLT). “I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End.”

“What does Revelation 22:13 mean?” By BibleRef.com:

“Verse Commentary: Jesus identifies Himself as the Alpha and the Omega: the first and last letters of the Greek alphabet. He explains He is the first and the last, the beginning and the end. Previously in Revelation Jesus employed this same description of Himself (Revelation 1:8; 21:6). As the Alpha and Omega, He existed before creation and was with God in the beginning (John 1:1). He is, therefore, eternal.

Often in John's Gospel Jesus refers to Himself as the “I am;” present tense (John 6:35; 8:12; 11:25). He told His foes He and His father are one (John 10:30). His enemies recognized that Jesus claimed to be equal with God, so they picked up stones in order to stone Him to death (John 10:31). They believed He had committed blasphemy. However, long after the present creation passes away, Jesus will still exist because He is eternal. By grace, the eternal Son of God bestows eternal life on all who believe on Him (John 3:36; Romans 6:23).

Verse Context: Revelation 22:6–13 moves on from the description of life in New Jerusalem (Revelation 21:9—22:5) and focuses on Jesus' return. This marks the end of John's visions of the future, returning to more immediate instructions for Christian believers; this is the epilogue to the book of Revelation. Both the beginning and closing of Revelation offer a blessing (Revelation 1:3; 22:7). Both stress the importance of keeping the prophecy being given (Revelation 1:3; 22:7). And both identify Jesus as the Alpha and Omega (Revelation 1:8; 22:13).

Chapter Summary: John sees additional images of New Jerusalem. The city's depiction stands in contrast to the ruin experienced during the tribulation, and evokes comparisons to the garden of Eden from the book of Genesis. After this, John relates several commands and messages from Jesus Christ. Among these are a dire warning not to manipulate the words of this message. Revelation, along with the canon of Scripture, ends with a benediction and prayer for Jesus to return.

Chapter Context: This passage completes the description of New Jerusalem. Earlier chapters in Revelation described the final judgments against sin and death. Genesis chapter 3 described humanity's loss of paradise; Revelation 22 describes paradise regained. Concluding remarks by Jesus begin in verse 6 and continue through verse 20. Verse 21 records the apostle John's benediction, which marks the end of the New Testament canon.

Book Summary: The word “revelation” means “an unveiling or disclosure.” This writing unveils future events such as the rapture, three series of judgments that will fall on the earth during the tribulation, the emergence of the Antichrist, the persecution of Israel and her amazing revival, as well as Jesus' second coming with His saints to the earth, the judgment of Satan and his followers, and finally, the eternal state. This content, combined with the original Greek term apokalypsis, is why we now refer to an end-of-the-world scenario as “an apocalypse.”

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melverie · 1 month

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⸺ LESSON 8 ⸺

Nightbringer

Solomon & Barbatos

MC's magic

situation in the Devildom

strange feelings & soup

the 'MC is human' situation

misc

- lesson 7 || lesson 9 || all posts so far -

Hi! It sure has been a while, huh? So sorry about that, I thought that maybe taking a break would make it easier for me to NOT somehow try and connect every single detail to who I want Nightbringer to be, but nope, it just made things worse. Oh well... Also, I decided to stop counting when Solomon wears his human world clothes. While it is weird that he switches that often, I don't think when he wears them has any significant meaning Also also, I know we most likely won't ever see him again, but Adam, I have my eyes on you... General spoiler warning for all of Obey Me Nightbringer, as well as for the original Obey Me

⸺ NIGHTBRINGER ⸺

once freed from the grave and inhabiting Mammon's body, Adam tells us what happened to him, and tells us a little about Nightbringer [8-16; all pics below] -> he also points out that while he does remember Nightbringer's name, he "can't be certain that was his real name" [8-16]. Interesting detail to include

Nightbringer somehow knows that MC has the Ring of Light [8-16] -> fun fact! If you're on the amnesia route, you get a flashback of Solomon briefly explaining what the Ring of Light is to MC. Also this is how I found that I was apparently on the amnesia route while replaying -> upon seeing it, the Gang™ recognizes the ring as Lucifer's, only to immediately gaslight themselves into thinking the opposite. Thank god they're all allergic to braincells

Nightbringer entrusted Adam with a message for MC; "It's not yet time for you to return" [8-18] -> I know that's probably not how they meant it, but timing-wise it kind of sounds like it's not time for MC to return to the Celestial Realm

⸺ SOLOMON & BARBATOS ⸺

disregarding the insult he throws in right after, Barbatos does speak with some respect about Solomon, and suggests that if MC wants to stay in the Devildom, it's best if they talk to Solomon about it [8-1] -> btw not him telling MC that after he teleported Solomon away

⸺ MC'S MAGIC ⸺

MC is able to pull magical power from the brothers and succeeds in opening the gate to the Celestial Realm [8-18] -> sure would be a shame if something like literally opening the gate to the Celestial Realm just like that had no repercussions whatsoever later on, huh :)

Adam says the following [8-18; pic below]. What do you mean by that, Adam???

⸺ SITUATION IN THE DEVILDOM ⸺

we learn that the relationship between the Devildom and the Celestial Realm were nearly at the breaking point, and while they are still far from stable, at least a war could be avoided [8-1] -> and yet, Simeon talks about good relations between the Devildom and the Celestial Realm back in lesson 6

we also learn that the Demon King suddenly fell into his slumber, meaning all responsibility of governing the Devildom fell onto Diavolo's shoulders. The House of Lords thinks he is too young for that though [8-1] -> apparently the Demon King fell into his slumber right after the brothers got their ranking [8-9; pic below]. Interesting timing to say the least -> this lesson in generall talks a lot about where the Demon King is

⸺ STRANGE FEELINGS & SOUP ⸺

Simeon greets MC with a "welcome home" [8-4], meaning he on some level somehow knows that MC originally lives at the House of Lamentation

MC's future room has apparently become a regular meet-up spot for the brothers, and Lucifer even takes naps in there [8-9] -> Asmodeus also describes it as "a favorite spot from your past." Interesting wording [8-9; pic below]

⸺ THE 'MC IS HUMAN' SITUATION ⸺

Diavolo claims that he can "sense something" in MC [8-1]. He himself isn't entirely sure what it is, but I'm guessing it's the angelic qualities that MC inherited from Lilith. In OG season 3 (lesson 52 iirc?), illusion angel!Lucifer also points out that MC possess those qualities

⸺ MISC ⸺

Luke claims that angels can tell when someone lies to them [8-4], yet he still 100% believes that MC is a demon

thinking about it, it is kind of interesting that MC actually wants to stay in the past. We have no option of saying that we want to go back [8-4; pic below]

MC writes a goodbye letter to the brothers that promptly proceeds to be so irrelevant to the story [8-11]

after MC successfully opened the gates to the Celestial Realm, Adam tells them this [8-18; pic below]. IN THIS WHAT, ADAM.

there's some talk about finding happiness between Lucifer and Simeon [8-A]

Lucifer is unaware why Simeon is now an archangel [8-A] -> while not stated in the lesson itself, we know that Simeon got demoted because he covered for the brothers

we learn that most past demon kings died in battle [lesson 8 hard mode]

they also bring up that humans live such short lives in comparison to demons and angels [lesson 8 hard mode]

#fun fact: i have been feeling this series' name more and more lately #especially lesson 8 and 10 broke me. send help :>#mel's descend into madness #obey me #obey me nightbringer #obey me spoilers #obey me nightbringer spoilers

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aita-blorbos · 5 months

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AITA for blaming my big brother for the death of my crush that I killed myself?

For context, we were fighting this evil man (M), who wanted the forestation of the whole world. We'd all die if he succeeded. My crush, (C), who promised to live with us after this fight was over, physically stopped him, but there's a limit to how much she can do by herself, which is why, she asked me to shoot him while she holds him down. That normally wouldn't be a problem if shooting him didn't also mean killing her in the process. The only weapon that could kill the guy was too destructive so I couldn't aim at him only and spare her.

Of course, I refused, but she kept insisting. My friends were upset and crying too, the only one who stayed calm was an old man (E) who happened to be a villain too, although he temporarily teamed with us to defeat that guy.

He talked me into going for it, telling me that I shouldn't let her sacrifice go to waste. I was in tears the whole time but I only decided to do it because if I shoot, this will allow my brother (S) to get close to him enough. This will give him the chance to save C and bring her back to us.

I look up to my brother a lot. He's my role model and everything that I want to be. He's a hero, he's never failed to save anyone. He'd saved me countless times, he never gives. You couldn't imagine the length he'd go to in order to save his friends and me too, even though we're not related by blood. That's why I shot. Because I knew he'd do everything to save her- and would succeed too. He's never failed me before.

I waited patiently for his return, meanwhile, I just sat in the corner crying, and I saw C come in, she was transparent looking all ghosty. She cupped my face and got closer, I though she was going to kiss me but she immediately disappeared. It made me sad, but I knew that was a sign she was alive. And that means, when my brother come, surely C would be with him.

But when he did, he was alone. I looked right and left behind him, but C was nowhere to be found. He also had a scary face that instinctively made me get a few steps back away from him. I though he was angry with me, understandably. I just shot a friend. I was about to explain when he just silently held my hand and placed a seed in it that I recognized it belonged to C then he said that was all what was left.

He stood there silently while I processed what had just happened. My hero, couldn't save a person I cared for much. She wasn't just a crush, she was a dear friend and I would react the same even I didn't fall for her. She makes My day. I had managed to protect her all this time from M, until I killed her myself.

Tears were streaming down my cheeks. I yelled at my brother. Told him that he was lying, C was alive and I had just seen her. I told him that I believed in him but he has failed me. I beat his chest several times to emphasize on the fact that I had put my trust in him.

My brother didn't respond. He just stood there in silence. He closed his eyes and didn't even try to look at me. As if he wasn't feeling bad already because a friend had just died, but I think me blaming him added insult to injury.

We get along just fine nowadays although we have never discussed this, it's an unspoken rule that it's taboo and we don't bring C up anymore but I wonder, AITA? He should have saved her.

#aita #am i the asshole #unreality

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purplecladmerchant · 2 months

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About Zirk and surviving.

Remember when ha ha silly joke, truth serum make him babble about he's worried he would never love?

The "love" He knew most of his life, was conditional. Depending on his performance, and almost impossible to deserve- he had to be thankful he got it anyway. Of course he's worried he would never perform good enough to be loved, he never did.vbeing loved by his abuser was impossible.

Ha hah. Step on me. Funny joke.

But Of Course he's a masochist. He's a victim of abuse. And you know a very normal, very healthy -as long it's consensual- coping? Reclaim that status, make being a victim something you can enjoy. Something that you decide, rather than something done to you. If he chooses being hurt, he's not being abused.

He needs to over perform his actions. Be cheerful, and useful. He doesn't sleep because of course, he's always working, because his self worth is directly related to his usefulness and it is only cuantificable in results. In very explicit results which never will be enough, because the standars are so high. But they aren't high, someone keep rising them every time he reached.

Of course he shoot someone in the knee and jump to torture on his interrogation. He's full of anger that needs to be chewed and push back. Where, if not, would he be allowed to hurt. To take all that pain outside of himself. He can't do it in a sexualized way it wouldn't feel good. What he want is to hurt . To not be the victim. To be the attacker the abuser. To see someone in pain. But of course he doesn't want to see someone in pain. He's just in so much pain.

He finding a revivify, and going the extra mile, ask to every person and cuasi deity if it was right to use... because, results, reaching a goal isn't something he know. Even if he does, it's always less, it's always unsatisfactory, it's always not good enough and he should thank that Stella loves him anyway and takes his slack. He should try harder. He can't fully accept the found a godamn cure of all. Because he have never succeeded once. Or that's what he was trained to believe.

He wasn't raised, he was trained.

To always stay still and do, and never be thanked but do cheerfully, with a smile, before asked.

If he failed to do what he wasn't even told to do, he failed. Failing mean losing every inch of worth he had. He should know better.

And it is of course, blatant and obvious when we meet his abuser. When she calls him zirky, when everything she says seems so sweet, but at the end is at her own service. When every word she tells to him, at the end, is to make him feel small. Stella is not his mother, is his abuser. And if she makes him small, he won't rise his voice. He won't think. He won't be mister Zirk, just Zirky. And no matter what, it would be under performing. He should do better, for her. Because she's disappointed but she loves him anyway.

And she owns a fully loyal mindless puppet who does anything she needs and she doesn't have to respect. Respect is for those who aren't disappointments. But love him, of course. And he should praise her for love a disappointment.

He run away for years, and all his rightful anger, all his desilution. All of that, aren't recognized, aren't spoken. Are immediately shut, because that doesn't fit the dynamic she need. Ha ha silly boy. Let's continue where we left it. Where it works.

And he have a support group? It's ok. She will sweet talk them. They will be her excuses. Abusers need excuses, because if they think she's nice, then he would be irrational when reacting to her. But anyway, he doesn't need anyone.

Just needs her. Her unconditional love for a total failure who can't do things right.

But. Even if we didn't knew her. He's that. He's nervous. He's lonely. He's weird. He over explains and over perform because that's what's expected. He should do before asked. And do flawless. Know all the rules that weren't explained to him and do them perfectly.

He looks up to Henry, because no matter if he's also a weird pathetic losser, he validates Zirk. And that's enough to make a survivor hold with all his strenght. To look up.

He looks up to Fia and Henry because he doesn't believe he can look at someone he loves straight in the eyes. Because love is perform and fail and try harder and even when he isn't recognized he have to be thankful someone look down at him. Love is being inferior. Love is a weapon. But he have to love.

But they aren't like that.

So he choose die for them.

Because he would never perform enough for people like them. So good, so nice to him, he doesn't deserve that. He values less. all he can do is serve them, heal them, elevate them, and die for them, then he will do good. Not enough tho, he never does enough, he doesn't know how it feels doing enough. They are so cool, they can lift his slack. He just have to die.

He latched to them so fast. Making unbreakable promises. Needing them.

He's a deeply hurt person.

It's a unbreakable cycle. And Zirk will always have to learn that lesson. Because he was trained to always forget the result.

That his abuser don't love him.

That his abuser won't change. He can't love someone till change.

But he had the choice to move from victim to survivor.

He would never be free of that. And he will forget that lesson again. Because he can't be loved to change either.

But he can be loved. And his capacity for love is huge. He could choose to stop loving after how much it hurts. But he don't. And it's much better that way. Because he can't be loved to change, but he can be loved. Unconditional. How he haven't by his abuser. And it feels right. And he will cycle back to be servicial, but he will be thanked.

That makes the difference.

And in my next essay I'll over explain how much Fia, Henry, and Zirk love eachother. And how that despite being hurt they choose to keep loving. Spoilers: it's absurdly much.

#freya's adventures #zirk vervain #spoilers #i guess

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merlwybs-wife · 8 months

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(i wasn't originally going to post this) (but i never post my writing, so have something quickly done that i did this morning to attempt to sate my brain worms) (i know this won't make too much sense without context but you can probably put the pieces together)

It had been with an exhale did Josephine make her quiet self back into the Moineau estate. She hadn't even been dressed-- just in a sleeping gown and a heavy house coat-- whispering outside with a maid, who soon went on her way. No sooner did she shut the door, soft as she might, did her father's voice ring out a calm: "tea?" He was standing at the ready, it seemed, with one cup pulling to his lips to hide a glint of a smile, proffering the other out to Josephine. It has her gasping, and immediately standing up tall. "Calm now, dear. Be fortunate it was I who spotted you, and that your mother is still asleep, hm?" He chuckles, hoisting the tea a little closer. "Chamomile, honey, and lemon. For the nerves, dear."

With a huff, Josie accepts the tea, but merely opts to hold it in her grasp. She looks between the steaming brew and her father, worrying her lower lip. "It's obvious, then?"

"Without a doubt, Josie. Did you even sleep? Poor girl. Let's sit, hm? I have a feeling much is on your mind, and since your dearest Louis is away for another few days…" He takes his free hand and places it upon her shoulder, giving it a squeeze, before curling it about her arm. Thusly escorting a sighing Josie to the nearest fireplace. He doesn't even release her to take a seat, a silent demand for her to take up the space beside him on the couch. "Now, are you going to tell me why you're sending letters at this hour?"

This earns a bit of a guilty look, as her head droops; long, untamely hair sliding from behind her shoulders. "Last night, too late for it to be any proper, Ser Courcelle had a letter delivered. I hardly mind, truly-- well, not the fact that it was sent, at least."

"Oh?" He quirks a brow, sipping from his tea.

"I'm… worried, Papa…" She pauses. "Do you remember the time I threw hot tea at that one… pallid looking Lord? The one who wore that nasty shade of green?"

Here, he snorts. "Oh, yes."

"Well, Ser Courcelle's handwriting-- it had a certain… crudeness that was very similar to the letter that Lord had sent me thereafter."

"You suspect he was angry, then?" He questions in response.

"I do. I haven't any honest idea as to why, but, our plans for today were altered," she pauses, motioning as though to drink from her cup, but lowers her arms once more. "Furthermore, he mentioned a dinner he had with his family… I can't help but to think it's all related."

"Mm… well, it's always possible. You know how your sweet mother can often anger you, after all." He chuckles. "But, why does this concern you? So what if it did? Tell me plain, what are your fears?"

"Papa… I did not lie to you when I explained our evening, but…" she frowns.

"But…?"

Again, she sighs. A sort of indignant gruntish-poutish sound escapes her.

"Were you alone with him?" When Josie looks to him now, wide-eyed, he, too, sighs. "I had suspected, given your lack of insistence that you weren't." Here, he settles down his cup. "I can see why that could prove for a stressful dinner conversation, but… do you suppose anyone recognized you, dear?"

"That's the thing-- I hardly know. Surely if everyone was content to believe I was no one of worth, there would be no issue. How can such specific scandal be reported otherwise?" She wilts. "But… we got quite a few stares at the infirmary. I cannot rule out that one of the pairs of eyes that saw us recognized me, and the fact we arrived by ourselves."

"Oh, Josie, that doesn't seem like the sort of thing to trouble you," he looses a little laugh of disbelief, however short.

"I'm serious, Papa! Such a thing could cast a hideous shade on him-- his family!" She insists, her voice raising sharply.

"Shh! Shh, lest you have to explain to the whole house," he quickly soothes her, placing a hand upon her knee. Here, he leans in. "I do have to repeat myself, though, you realize… that doesn't seem like the sort of thing to trouble you."

Finally, her tea is drawn to her lips-- taking a long gulp, surely meant to busy herself from replying right away. Even when the cup returns to settling in her lap, holding it still for its warmth, she is silent.

"Josephine Moineau! Do you like this man?" His tone is playful, narrowing the distance between them all the more.

"I-I…" she can feel the slightest heat in her face. Thankfully, perhaps, her cheeks were already reddened from the cold. "He is… tolerable." She decides.

"Josie…"

"Acceptable," she begrudgingly adds.

"Oh, my heart be still--" he seems unable to help but to tease.

"Papa!" She bursts.

"Shh! Shh!" He shushes her, a bit of laughter still in his voice. "So then. Even if you suspect this to have been the case at yesterday's dinner… the man didn't rescind his invitation, did he?"

"Well… no, I suppose not…" she murmurs.

"Then…?" he raises his brows, looking at her expectantly. "What are you afraid of?"

"Perhaps I don't rightly know," she droops again, yet another exhale parting her lips.

"Relax, girl," he chuckles, patting her knee. "It's… all right to feel as though you've messed up something you wish you hadn't, Josie. But, you haven't been so erroneous to apparently warrant cutting off. That must mean something, don't you think?"

At this, she scoffs. "As to what I cannot claim to know, nor understand."

"Perhaps you ought to ask your mother," he smiles, "she seems to have an idea or two." At this, Josie merely sticks out her lower lip once more. "Or, you can simply wait and find out on your own, I suppose." Once again patting her knee, he relinquishes his spot upon the couch and comes to a stand. "Drink your tea, all will be well, hm?"

Just as he nears the exit of the room, however, he looks over his shoulder to add a: "maybe wear a dress today."

"Oh, certainly not!" she laughs.

"There's my darling girl."

#josephine #dauvaunt #birds of a feather #my writing

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hippielittlemetalhead · 11 months

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I should be working on my Punk!Steve thingy and I will but first I am running on enough caffeine to stop an elephant's heart and 3 hours of sleep and I had a ✨thought✨.

Son of Hades Steve but more Bianca di Angelo than Nico. He's charming and charismatic but even if people like him there's still that sense of Other and people fear what he's capable of (King Steve) and the stereotype that he's bad luck and not like other demigods and almost less human than them (relationship with Nancy and the bullshit scene). His parents know and his stepdad refuses to acknowledge him more than he needs to and his mom resents him for ruining her marriage even though she's the one who revenge cheated in retaliation for her husband sleeping with another secretary. So they send him to Camp Half Blood as soon as possible and he is there the majority of the year.

And

Son of Artemis Eddie. BECAUSE in many ancient civilizations the words/phrases we translate to virgin would be closer to unwed young woman rather than never slept with someone. Because Artemis has a lover, Orion but upon his death vows to never wed and declares herself a maiden/virgin goddess. So either like copying Athena in PJO or via the occasional ONS she has a handful of kids. We'll say for easiness sake she 99.9999% of the time has girls that she keeps as part of her hunters. The occasional .0001% that's a boy she sends to the father or the camp. Eddie was left on his father's doorstep in a soft grey woven bassinet and swaddled in silver cloth that seemed to glow with the light of the full moon. His dad isn't the best but once he was delivered Artemis didn't really check in with him and only finds out he'd been sent to his Uncle Wayne (who can see through the Mist) when one of her hunters who was working with CHB sees and recognizes him as a child of her Lady and reports back to Artemis. She claims him at the campfire the next full moon and he immediately starts calling only the Apollo kids cousins and they sort of adopt him as one of their own right back when he proves to be terrible at anything related to either his mother or uncle except taking care of kids (he is great at helping with little ones who are new to the camp or have to visit the infirmary) and/or animals, being the type to take little lost campers under his wing and a talent for music that would rival the most gifted of Apollo's cabin.

A la PJO style we meet our heroes around the ages 11-12, Steve had been in and out of the camp routinely since he was literally a toddler. He was found at daycare by a kind nymph who went by Claudia and her satyr toddler (Dustin 😏) and told the Harringtons about the camp. She did not expect them to basically send their 3 year old to boarding school most of the summer.

Dustin later found Eddie on his own since he was now technically 9 to Eddie's 12 but still physically pretty toddler looking it took some effort and Claudia had to intervene when she finally found her son and explain to the nice mortal man and his demigod nephew about Eddie being of Greek god descent and that with the rise of monsters trying to get at him already he should go to the camp for a bit to train. Dustin would stay at the camp with Eddie partially as punishment for running off and partially to help him acclimate and make sure Eddie was on time for when Claudia helped Wayne Iris message Eddie. Eddie is maybe 13 and been at camp for about a year when he gets claimed.

That's all I've got really besides Steve and Eddie try being friends cause they're both odd kids out w/who their parents are but it's a little out of nowhere after a year knowing of each other rather than knowing each other but also Steve has powers and charisma and that makes him worth hanging out with to majority of campers where Eddie can get kids to stop crying and is a Disney princess with how much animals like him. There's some animosity cause Steve is jealous Dustin is spending so much time with Eddie, especially when they and some of the other campers and younger satyrs discover DND and Eddie feels rejected cause they didn't click at all and his emotionally traumatized little ass made that Steve's fault. Till they're 16 and 17 and assigned a quest with Dustin as their satyr and third and they have to learn to get along and realize how much they have in common like the fear of what comes next when they age out of being campers and yeah Steddie happens and Dustin is smug.

Also Eddie learns completely by accident he can basically use music as a weapon DND bard style and he is way too happy about it and so pissed he didn't think of that sooner.

#yeah the ramblings of a madperson #a thing #this was longer than I meant it to be but oh well this is my fate #might do more later Idfk #steddie au #steddie brainrot #I'm going to pass out now #rambler writes

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seehowsupplethespineis · 2 years

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So...EARTHSPARK! Let’s talk about EARTHSPARK!

First of all, I HECKING LOVED IT! Pretty much binged it all the second I had free time.

I thought I’d feel indifferent toward it, in all honesty. I’m usually not a fan of new characters introduced to a long-running franchise. Also, Optimus’s design really threw me and his voice is just...not good. I am in no way implying Alan Tudyk isn’t an awesome voice actor; he just doesn’t fit how I think Optimus should sound. Plus, I am never a fan of OG voice actors like Peter Cullen being passed up for the roles they literally created. All in all, I figured Earthspark would be a vaguely amusing romp that I probably wouldn’t rewatch. HOW WRONG I WAS.

Here’s a breakdown (heh, Breakdown) of why I love this show:

- It’s a refreshing take on the story we already know! Outside of the comics, no Transformers media has explored the aftermath of the Autobot-Decepticon war or what that could mean for Earth. The introduction of the Terrans fits into this theme perfectly and I am so excited to see what future role they’ll play in Transformer-human relations.

- THE ACTION. Listen, that fight scene in Age of Evolution Part 1 was LEGIT. I especially loved how we got to see the fight from the humans’ perspectives; very reminiscent of TFP. It made the danger feel so much more real and intense! Plus, the fight choreography throughout the show was so well planned-out and served to showcase each Transformers’ unique skills (like Twitch’s wind tunnels or Megatron freaking pinwheeling himself through the air).

- The new characters are so lovable!!! I absolutely adore Twitch and Thrash and cannot wait to get to know the three Terrans introduced in the finale (they’re already so personable). The human Maltos were just SO wholesome and honestly some of the best humans introduced in the whole franchise (if not the best). Alex is my favorite; I love dorky dads!!!

- It’s got that good family content! I love how the terrans and Robby and Mo all regard each other as siblings, even calling each other “big sis” and “little brother” and so forth. Dot and Alex were also so welcoming to their new “terran babies” and it just made me so happy! More wholesome family content, please!!!

- Speaking of the terrans, I’ve got to shout out our first canon non-binary Transformer, Nightshade!!! Maybe I’m being optimistic, but I really hope this opens the door for further trans representation outside of the comics. We need more trans and non-binary Transformers!!!

- This version of Megatron might actually be my favorite. As much as I love the purely evil G1 Megan or the maniacal warlord TFP Megan, I appreciate when Megatron is given a motive beyond “Muahaha, I will destroy you all!” I love that he was shown to actually care about the Decepticons who used to serve him and that he questioned G.H.O.S.T.’s actions when even Optimus didn’t (or didn’t want to).

- The inclusion of fan favorites was well-executed! Swindle, Wheeljack, Arcee, Elita One, and Soundwave all contributed something to the plot on top of just being their lovable selves! Oh, and Starscream’s cameo was quite exciting (especially since I immediately recognized Steve Blum’s voice).

- There’s a lot that still needs explaining. What is the connection between Mandroid and Alex? What are G.H.O.S.T.’s true motives? What’s Soundwave planning? I need to know!!!

This is all just to say that I am impatient for more episodes! In the meantime, I will attempt some fanfic!

#Transformers #Transformers Earthspark #TFE #Writing Entity #Drawing Entity has also seen it.#They had this to add: STARSCREEEAAAAMMMM!!!#That is all.

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itsjustlux · 9 months

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50% Crowley theory 50% Crowley Angst

Let's talk Crowley and religious trauma because I just got done rewatching s2, this time with the company of my mother (the absolute icon that she is).

Side note, this is 50% theory and 50% character speculation, so enjoy this behemoth of a post.

After we finished e6, my mom and I had a lovely little discussion about the roles of both the Metronome (yes, she actually called him this) and God. Much of the discussion revolved around wether or not God was a malicious/cruel force in the Good Omens universe. While my mom had made the argument that yes, God in this universe is not a sympathetic character, I ended up arguing the opposite.

And I can easily see how she would come to that conclusion. Heaven, after all, has been shown to be pretty morally dubious. But that's just the thing. Heaven and God are two completely separate entities. And that's a really, really, really important distinction (especially for Crowley's character). Crowley hates Heaven, yeah, but does he hate God? I would make the case that he doesn't. In fact, I think he might actually still love Her.

In s1 he literally talks to God about his fall. Obviously, he doesn't get any sort of reply, but he doesn't seem angry here in the slightest. He's just sad. Sad and literally begging God not to destroy humanity. That does not seem like hate to me. And if he resented God for his Fall, why would he still be talking with Her? Why would he be trying to reason with Her? But let's keep going. In season 2 when he sees God talking to Job, I don't get any anger here either. Unlike the scene in s1, I don't get sadness either. I get wonder, and just a hint of envy. He wants to be able to ask these big questions, to speak with God even if he doesn't get a proper answer. That means something to him.

But why would he still love God if She cast him out? Well, I actually don't think She was the one to do it. I think it was the Metronome (yes, I'm calling him that until the end of time). I mean, Crowley recognizes him immediately and Metronome over here recognizes him right back. And even more that that, the Metronome was the one at Gabriel's trial, not God herself. If the trial of the Supreme Archangel Gabriel doesn't warrant the appearance of God, why would Crowley's Fall? Crowley got in trouble for asking God too many questions. And what happened when Aziraphale tried asking questions in s1? He spoke with the Metronome. It's pretty reasonable to assume the same thing happened to Crowley.

So what does this do for his character? Well, it gives some additional context to his conversation with Aziraphale, especially that second "tell me you didn't". Because I get some genuine fear from David Tennant's performance in that moment, and this would definitely explain why. It also gives him some delicious internal conflict and adds to his whole wanting-to-be-a-good-person-but-that-puts-him-in-immortal-danger thing. Because loving God would be like, the ultimate demon no-no. Loving in general is pretty unacceptable, but loving God???? And that would just make his isolation among the demons that much more significant. Of course he became so set on helping Aziraphale. Aziraphale was (is?) all he had (has?) in so many ways, this is just another one of them. And adding onto all of that, knowing that a God, his God, would sit there and allow him to feel all these immensely painful feelings and then not even finding it in himself to be hateful or angry at Her...Just hateful of the systems build around Her 'ineffable plan'...There's something deeply compelling and deeply human about that, which I find very relatable.

#i just love this for the angst honestly #gotta get in my daily dose of good omens pain #oh crowley you poor thing #someone give him a hug #ineffable husbands #ineffable idiots #ineffable divorce #crowley #aziraphale #good omens #good omens season 2 #good omens theory

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strzzeka · 1 year

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The Making of a Magazine

My friend JWH wrote many stories about BIID and amputation between 1980 and his death in 2004. Leave a comment here or on Legbry if you enjoy his style and would like to read more like it. I believe I am the only man on earth who has his hefty collection. It would be a pity if his efforts were to be forever lost.

You may be amused by mentions of the latest technology as they were when the stories were written. Yes, dial-up really was a wonderful new thing!

legbry.blogspot.com/2023/06/the-making-of-magazine.html

Here's a taster.

The first of the two sales reps showed up in the middle of the afternoon and got quite a surprise. He was a man I had met and talked with once at a gay bar here in town. We recognized each other and I realized that except for the amputee kink involved, he wouldn’t he put off by my thinking of publishing a male porno mag.

Nor was he, although when I explained that it would feature amputees, he looked a bit odd. Then he grinned a bit sheepishly and said, “May I be your first subscriber?”

And that really startled me! I immediately jumped to the conclusion that he was a devotee.

“You like amps, do you?”

“Like amps?” he repeated somewhat blankly. “Oh! No, not necessarily,” he grinned. “Look.”

He was sitting opposite me on the other side of my desk and, at that point, stood up. He walked around to the side of the desk and stopped, pulled up his left pants leg and, looking at me, pointed to his leg. I saw at once that it was a prosthesis.

“I’m a LBK, and that means a left below the knee amputee. And I want to subscribe because in the male porno mags the models all look so perfect I get bored. I’d like some reality, like my kind of reality. I could relate to them.”

“For your information, I’ve never seen a wooden leg before. It sure doesn’t look like wood. What’s it made of?” I was being totally honest.

“They’re called prostheses, not wooden legs. Made of plastic and a lot of other man-made stuff. This is a very good one and people tell me I walk so well they can’t tell I don’t have two real legs. I usually answer that by telling them flattery will get them anything they want.” He was smiling.

“Has anyone ever taken you up on that?” I asked.

“Just once. He turned out to he a devotee and we had quite an affair. Man, did he know how to handle a stump! Unfortunately he doesn’t live here in town.” He paused a second and then continued, “Are you a devotee?”

I thought for a split second and then, “Yes, I am. But I’m not looking for an amp just now.”

“Already got that taken care of have you?”

“Yeah,” I answered, “a superlative human being.”

“I’m glad for him, if he’s enjoying it as much as I did,” he said.

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look-at-the-soul · 2 years

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The Photoshoot (Part 27)

Cillian Murphy

⚠️Smut + angst 😔🥺

Series Master list

Tiptoeing, Yael walked into the bathroom, Cillian was in the shower, so she got rid of her clothes and joined him quietly.

“I hope you’re thinking of me.” Kissing the space between his shoulders, she covered his hand which was lazily moving up and down his shaft. The water running down their bodies.

“I’m always thinking of you.” He groaned as her hand took over. “You were sleeping. Ohh.”

Walking around him, Yael placed herself between Cillian and the wall, not stopping the movement of her hand. “Next time, just wake me up.”

Bucking his hips against her hand, Cillian’s mouth found hers and started kissing passionately. “Slow down.” He instructed.

One of his hands lifted her leg and wrapped it around his waist while his free hand leaned against the shower wall for support. Yael guided him home and soon he was slamming into her body hard, her fingers were pulling on the top of his hair, while the other ran up and down his wet back to pull Cillian closer.

“I won’t last long.”

Yael moved her hand between their bodies and pressed her fingers against her center. Cillian’s shoulders tensed as she locked eyes with him.

“Just let go.”

And with that, his body exploded inside of her. Closing her eyes, by the force of the pleasure she was feeling, she got lost in the moment. Cillian panted in her ear.

When Yael finally opened her eyes, she found her man with his head thrown back and his mouth slightly open. Taking it as the chance to start kissing his chin while he came down from his high.

“What time did you tell my family to arrive?”

Yael smiled at him as he pulled out from her body.

They would have lunch with the Murphy family so they could see the house totally ready, it was the only day they could all get together before they went to London for a month for the last dates of the Ballyturk play.

“At twelve.”

“See? That’s why I like to wake up early, so we can have enough time before they arrive.” Cillian closed the running shower and dragged Yael to the bedroom not even bothering by the droplets of water they left on their way to the bed.

———

September arrived faster than she expected, and with that the photography exhibition she had been waiting for, unfortunately, not everything was working as she wanted.

Yael stared at the screen of her laptop as she was trying to hold back the tears. Don’t start crying, she kept repeating to herself quietly. She didn’t want to start yet again another fight because of something related to Erin, so she tried hard to remain calm despite feeling disappointed inside.

Cillian had asked her to change their flights for that same day but later since Erin called to ask him to go to the doctor’s appointment since no one else could be with her.

Yael would’ve suggested herself to him to go with Erin at any other time. But that Saturday night was her exhibition in London.

Sighing, she clicked one last time to confirm his change. She wasn’t going to wait for him to go out from the clinic. What if the flight got delayed?

“Have you seen my charger?” He asked in the most casual tone.

She was angry and disappointed, it wasn’t the best time to be around her.

“No.”

Cillian immediately recognized the annoyance in her voice.

“I changed your flight, I’ll go in the one I had scheduled, on Saturday morning.”

“I can’t believe this is happening… I’ve told you I don’t have another choice.”

Yael gave him a sad smile. “You do, but you just don’t know how to say no.” Closing the laptop, she got up. “But of course, just to her, because magically you know how to say no to me.”

“We can perfectly go straight to the airport from the docs clinic and be on time for your-”

“You clearly don’t know the way time at airports work. I’ve waited years for this exhibition Cillian and you knew it, yet you’re choosing to go with her for her checkup.” He had said before he wouldn’t go.

“She asked family and friends, no one can go with her.” He tried to explain. But Yael wasn’t having it this time.

“That’s why you’re flying later than me, I won’t wait for you.”

“I just don’t know why you’re making such a big deal, it’s one fucking appointment over a nine-month pregnancy. One.”

“Because you knew about my exhibition, you knew the date, couldn’t she change the appointment for another day? Another hour?”

“Oh yeah, let me check the doctor’s calendar to match your events.” He was irritated now too.

“It seems lately the agendas from other people are more important than mine.”

“If that’s what you want to think, then fine.”

She heard him curse and move upstairs while mumbling something she couldn’t understand, perhaps it was better that way, she was pissed, so was he, things needed to cool down. But minutes later, Cillian came back down showered and wearing different clothes.

“I’m going out… you don’t have to wait awake for me.”

“Out?” It was past ten now, what time would he be back? “Where?”

“The fuck do I know? Anywhere but here. I need a fucking drink.”

She was worried about him, despite the anger, despite all, she worried about him going out drinking.

“Why don’t you stay?” She could go to another room so they would stop arguing.

Scoffing, he looked at her from the hallway.

“What do you want me to stay for? So you can continue complaining that I asked you to change the flights? You’re not flying later so I can’t see the point of this conversation.”

“I won’t say anything else about it, just please don’t go out?”

Rubbing his mouth, Cillian looked at the ceiling, he hated fighting Yael over Erin, but she had said she would support him and now she was annoyed because he asked her to change the flight after midday.

“It’s a little bit late for that.”

She would have to tell him everything about her father, about the accident, about that dark time in her life. She wasn’t ready to talk about it, but maybe if she told him he would understand.

“Please don’t go. Let’s talk about it…” Yael asked, the tears about to escape. “Let me explain, please don’t go out to drink, Cill.” She tried to walk towards him, but her feet were frozen.

“Explain what?! I know already you don’t want me to go to scan and how we won’t make it on time for your exhibition, why do you want me to hear about it again, you changed my flight, you’re going early that’s great!”

“No.” Yael looked at her hands. “About the drinking.”

“That’s all I can think about now, trust me. I’m going to have two or three drinks because I’m tired of this story. You knew from the beginning there would be times like this, when I would have to see her.”

“I know that… I jus… just don’t go out to drink please.”

“If I remember correctly you were the one who said we should be more comprehensive and empathic because she was going through this alone.”

Yael nodded. “I did, but the timing, if the appointment could be another day…” Doing the right thing for everyone was so hard.

“I’m this close…” He made a sign between two fingers almost touching. “Of losing it Yael, at least I deserve a fucking drink.”

And with that he was gone.

While Yael was living again all of those hard days she went through as a child.

She couldn’t help but feel guilty for pushing Cillian away, he was under so much pressure and then she added another reason to the worries he was carrying on his shoulders.

She didn’t know what to do, he could be at any pub. Drinking was a very common thing in Ireland, people could swim in Guinness, they probably even bathed in it too.

Pacing around the entrance, she couldn’t stop the tears, she didn’t care about the exhibition or the scan, all she wanted now was for Cillian to made it back home safely.

But as time passed and he was nowhere to be seen, she thought how unfair the situation really was. He knew the date for her exhibition and also how important it was for her, he had been part of the process! Was she really asking for too much? For him to go with her to see her first photograph hanging from a Gallery?

And that wasn’t the worst part, what hurts the most was that he went out to drink when she asked him to stay.

It was past two in the morning when the front door opened and Cillian’s frame showed up. Waking up from her uncomfortable position on the last step of the stairs, she yawned and rubbed her eyes before standing up.

“Oh hey!” He greeted her loudly. “I’ve mi-ssed you.”

“Are you drunk?!”

“Meh…” Clumsily he moved his hand to indicate more or less. “You look preeeetty, is that a new dress?” He stumbled a little and his eyelids were half open.

“You should be ashamed of you.” It was so frustrating to see him like this.

“You sound like my mother.” He chuckled. “Perhaps if you drank a little you wouldn’t be so damn tense.”

Cillian grabbed her hand to stop her before she walked upstairs.

“Wanna make love tyou.” He mumbled and moved her hips back to thrust him.”

“Let me go!”

“Kissy night?” Pucking his lips out to her, he closed his eyes and tried to kiss her, thinking she was playing hard to get.

His hot breath on her face made Yael wrinkle her nose disgusted by the smell.

Yael shook her head mad for the situation, for having to stay up late because he decided to go get drunk, as if drinking his soul out would solve everything.

“You need a shower and to wash your mouth.”

Her rejection hurt him.

“Juss wanted a fucking kiss.”

Knowing he was home was kind of soothing, a relief for her, but now she didn’t want to be anywhere near Cillian.

Was this what she should expect from him when they had a fight? She didn’t know this solve-problem mechanism of him, seeing him like that, reeling, trying to hold onto anything, struggling with words, made her heart ache.

Why did he choose to go drinking instead of staying and listen to what she had to say?

The memories of her childhood came to the surface, hugging a pillow, she wanted this to be a bad dream.

Scout licked her arm, he always provided the best cuddles when she needed it the most.

Seeing Cillian behaving the same way her father did broke her, she could accept a football team of children with other women, but not him getting wasted.

***

Someone was using a hammer against the wall next to him. Groaning, Cillian woke up and soon realized he slept on the couch. But as he came out from the bathroom and saw the bag set next to the door, his heart sank to the floor. His head was killing him.

“What’s all this?”

“Last night while you were getting drunk, I decided to change my flight.” Moving her flight a day ahead costed her a lot, but right now she didn’t want to be around him.

“And you made all of this because I went drinking last night?”

“You didn’t have a drink like you initially said, you came back completely drunk, I called you and you turned your cellphone off.”

“My battery died.” He was holding his temple. “And then you made me feel like trash, trying to push me away because I was sweating.”

“I only asked you to take a bath and wash your mouth.”

“Yeah… and all I asked was a fucking kiss.”

Yael sighted. “I don’t like it when you get wasted like that.”

“Why? You never say fucking why, you just reject me.”

“Does it even matter now? You didn’t listen to me when I asked you to anyway... all you do is what Erin wants, what Erin needs.”

“Really? You’re going to bring her into this conversation?”

“She’s always in the middle, will always be, I think you are just used by now, no matter what you do, I will always be there for you.”

Scout started barking at the door. Shit his head was going to explode. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“When you shared the news that you were having a baby with your ex and gave me a choice, I chose you Cillian… over everything and everyone.” She swallowed hard. “Again, when you said you had work in Ireland and that you wanted to live here you didn’t ask me what I wanted, I decided to move in because I wanted to be with you.” His head was down. “I was hoping you’d at least choose me once too, over your ex.”

Yael took a deep breath. “I would be the first one to tell you to go with her, if only you had asked her if the appointment could be the day before or Monday, but you didn’t even ask her, you just came home and told me to change the flight. Let’s say I change it, to fly after midday and the flight gets delayed, what about the distance? Where will I get changed? Mum asked me to help her do her make up, my whole family is going to be there, I want to see them, have time to chat, but no… I have to rearrange everything because the mother of your child decided Saturday at twelve would be the perfect time to have a scan, I might sound selfish, but I’m not playing with the fate, I want to make it on time.”

Cillian sighted. She was right.

“I just wanted you to be with me in my first exhibition, I don’t know if I’ll make it the next year, all I have is now. I wanted to tell you something important.”

“You should’ve told me.”

Looking around, she found a photo of the two of them on the table. They were smiling.

“I tried talking to you last night… and again, you choose something else over me. You went to drink.”

“I just wanted a pint, we could’ve talked when I arrived I was just tipsy.” It wasn’t a big deal, everybody went out.

“You were drunk.” She corrected, it was what irritated her the most. “You made your choice, I made mine. There’s a thin line Cillian and your foot it’s touching it.”

“What do you mean?”

First Erin, then last night it was the alcohol. She wouldn’t be able to live on the edge of not having a fight with him because he would go out to drink at the first sight of trouble.

“When will you choose me?” She was afraid of the answer she could get. Did he love her enough? “I just hope that the day you finally decide to choose me it’s not too late.” She turned around and admitted sadly: “Now I’m kindly asking you to not come to the exhibition, I don’t want to see you there.”

His fingers were intertwined in front of him, he didn’t want to upset her more.

“When are you coming back?”

She stopped at the doorway, took a deep breath and looked at him over her shoulder.

His head was pounding.

“I’m not so sure I want to come back.”

****

If you like this story, let me know in the comments please 💕

#That’s what Cill said #cillian murphy #cillian murphy imagine #cillian murphy smut #cillian murphy x oc #cillianmurphy #cillian murphy fan fiction #cillian murphy fanfic

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