#and walk away with some of these ideas
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when you check out the fandom tag on ao3 and go "yo, what the fuck"
#right now im talking about#ofmd#but this goes for other fandoms as well#and i mean#i found wonderful masterpieces too#and i really dont wanna be pearl clutching#this post is not about smut#mostly#i just genuinely wonder how could someone watch the show#and walk away with some of these ideas#ao3#fanfic#fandom hell
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Mermaid Reggie would have such pretty scales
the prettiest ones like u can't imagine especially when they catch the light and shimmer like this iridescent sheen on newly harvested pearls. his near-opalescent skin and dewy lashes and big, sea-creature-thing eyes that blink up at james curiously when he carefully approaches the bathtub to give regulus his daily serving of fresh fish
i think regulus should have this otherworldly beauty to him that will have anyone at his beck and call but i also think that mayhaps james should have a drop of older siren blood or whatever the witchcraft fuck that makes him just immune enough to do things like grip regulus by the chin and firmly tell him 'no' when he tries bite james' hand off with his sharp jagged marine predator teeth
anyways pretty mermaid/merman reggie but also if he gets pissed off his eyes blacken and his hands shapeshift into claws and he hisses and pretty much morphs into the most vicious goldfish pet u can imagine. will calm down if james gets in the tub with him and just gives him a proper smooch
#answered#i have no mermaid fic tag bc i swore i wouldnt entertain any new au ideas#ok im going away again........#i was gna say 'see u all next week' fr this time#but study breaks.....this blog does call for me#wish me luck tho smooch#either way cocky james and reg hitting him with his tail#reg growing legs bc some evolutionary measures or whatever when he's separated from water#wobbly as fuck needing to lean on james but he learns walking fairly quick#and then james realizes what a menace he is because he is going everywhere examining everything#i think he should retain his monstrous strength in human form bc he breaks like the door knobs nd shit#no lock keeps him away#james: the toilet door.....is locked for a reason....#(regulus grumbles in fish)#he's like clementine but Worse
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my cancelled-able trait from the queer community would be that i really apparently love messy endings. i love u happy endings and i also love u such sad, messy, ambiguous endings . . . i love u endings where u have this weird pit in the bottom of your stomach because you know that there's love here but u have no idea what to do with it and u just have to deal with the fact that someone is profoundly affecting your life and you're not gonna get closure from it anytime soon . . . i love u queer love stories where it's really just "u don't always get to see the sunshine and rainbows at the end of it . . . sometimes all that's left is just one big question mark and the quiet hope that they get their shit together" . . .
#caroline talks#don't get me wrong. i love u happy endings. esp when it comes to queer love stories#but i also just. love endings where it's just like. well. u DON'T know for certain whether the characters#are truly going to ride off into the sunset together.#the only thing u know for certain is that they love each other and that they're going to have to grapple with that forever.#maybe it's also just bc like. idk. i took too many film classes and so my head's forever stuck#on this one essay about how some really happy endings feel lifeless.#like how in some ending shots. the characters look like they've had their happy ending. but there's also some weird unease and confusion#and it's like. well yeah. because for every happy moment u get in life. u are still already thinking 'well what's next. what now.'#which is fascinating to me. but also me @ me: god maybe u can just be happy and it's not that deep.#but also. i do love the wonderful ambiguity of just. 'there is so much more to live. so much more to do.'#and i guess it's not just for queer love stories. i think a lot about the ending of my mister.#with lee ji an and park dong hoon walking away from each other but they're happy. u have no idea how their relationship will pan out but u#do know that they love each other.#or like. columbus. with jin and casey. they hug each other and thank each other for being in the other's lives.#and jin says goodbye to casey and casey says goodbye to jin and u have no idea if they'll see each other again. but u know they love each#other so very much. even if they'd only known each other for a second.#or like. beginners. anna and oliver love each other so much and u get this sense that. they're still a little bit uneasy/nervous about how#the rest of their lives are going to go. but they'll try.#or. god. the swearing jar.#the last shot. i think about it a lot.#there is love!!! but u don't always know how the rest of it is going to pan out!!! u just know that it'll pan out somehow!
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Why give in to cringe when you can write femslash smut?
#random rambling about writing#wrote some orinthara for the first time since october...#also wrote some more sweet stuff too but the orinthara was the one that surprised me#walked away from writing that with minthara/karlach and minthara/lae'zel ideas#maybe I'll even conjure up a minthara/shadowheart idea in there too? who knows
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Idk if anyone will get this reference but imagine DP×DC but Danny is like Jarim from Civil Servant Hunter's S-class Resignation Log.
If you haven't read CSHSL, Jarim is a character who was trapped in a constant battle for a hundred years and whenever someone strong approaches her unexpectedly she attacks them.
Now imagine Danny has been in the Ghost Realm for a while amd has gotten used to randomly squaring up whenever one of the other ghosts approach him.
Its been a long time since he's been in the mortal realm so Danny decides to visit a random earth for a break.
The only issue is he's chosen the DC realm and has forgone his ghost sense and goes off of Vibes™️. Much to the concern of every hero and villain who encounters him.
#the justice league is tripping bc this random guy beats the shit out of people whenever they pass by#He seems to go easier on some more than others#Superman walked away with nothing but bruises (and wasnt that an unpleasant surprise)#Bane on the other hand is still in the hospital#idk i just love the idea of Danny accidentally vibe checking everyone he encounters#dp x dc#dc x dp#danny phantom dc
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Pen doodles from yesterday and then digital for today
Katale and Rudyard but as little crime babies. Since he's known her for a while and just thought she looked like a little street thug despite being higher ranking than him in the crime organization at first, the cat-ear hairstyle was just A Thing for her. And it spawned the nickname he would use in private of "Kitty" and even when she grows her hair out and he grays even more he still calls her Kitty in private. They're literally just bffs who do crime and what more can you want of them??
#my characters#time for more lore in the tags#so it was brought to my attention that the funniest thing possible is to give them a few bases with my favorite meme#the color theory meme where everything is just too reminiscent of a bloody massacre#because honestly katale would be like hey rud hey i have the FUNNIEST idea ever look at this carpet pattern#and he looks at the very horrific carpet and just says go on#like keep going this is funny and very much the funniest thing we can do as crime lords keep going#and they do actually have that kind of decor in one of the nicer buildings#and the poor little agent who is on a mission to kill them walks in like HOLY CRAP ITS A MASSAC-- thats the carpet that is JUST the carpet#and has to take a minute to file that information away before proceeding#then stuff happens and the two crime bosses are like oh yeah that agent is our son now we adopted him its fine he can be here#also ruds sense of humor is super dry and he doesnt really SHOW the fact hes amused much but thats what makes kitty so happy when he jokes#he sounds very serious but hes enjoying himself and thats wonderful#like those weather reporters who see an off the wall temp and go OH YEAH EVERYONES DEAD IN THAT CITY#or the other weather man video where only some of the temps are off the wall so hes like#oh yeah this seems to be the safe area but if you go up north a bit its basically melted - there isnt anything to loot there dont bother#that is his sense of humor. hes super casual and acts like he didnt just say the funniest thing on the planet
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So i had a dream last night which wasn't a nightmare and i even remember most of it! which is super exciting. I barely ever remember dreams that are just simply that so this is a fairly rare occasion for me.
It was weird tho
But it was.. i don't even know what it was so let me ramble about it in the tags a bit
#there was this bioluminescent and also biotoxic creature in a city at night#it was bipedal sort of humanoid shaped but with definitive deep sea features#it had that transparent skin and flesh and body with bioluminescing highlights#which i have no idea how it worked because the entire dream took place in a city enviroment on very much dry land but it's a dream innit#the face was definitely not human more a jumble of fishy features#it was gorgeous btw in a humanoid monster sort of fascinating way#it had this weird feel to it that it's something very old that should not be here now.. some sort of reminiscence of a bygone era#i might try to draw it but i don't know how successful i'd be to be honest#anyway so i was part of a group (don't know what kind exactly) and i never seen any of them i just knew they existed#and there was this innate knowledge that the creature was kind of hunting or more like luring us but we also were hunting it#i don't know if it did something to us before or we just had this unexplainable pull towards it but we definitely were fixated on it#and it was supposed to be a big threat even just by existing and walking around but also would have been bad if it was dead#but i don't know why was it so bad because the “toxicity” of the creature wasn't lethal it just made you stuck in a blissful delirious stat#just by being too close to it and which in most cases would fade when it moved away so the other alternative felt way worse#cuz if it would die something else would have gotten loose which would have been worse than the delirium#it was some sort of unstoppable deadly madness i think.. at least that was what i felt the dream eluded to#and i think we wanted to neutralize it somehow but we had no idea how to avoid disaster that surely would come if it dies#but it would have also revitalize nature on a basically divine scale by giving it's body back to it so there was this dilemma the whole tim#but none of us would have any answers so we just followed this inner draw regardless of the uncertainty#and the entire dream was basically us lureing the creature somewhere but simultaniously it was somehow luring us in as wel#to the same spot#it was a vast moonlit fieald outside of city bounds surrounded with tall dark trees and the sky was littered with stars#and a sharp cliff to one side#so we arrived there and we were standing on opposite sides and look towards each other#but looking into the creatures eyes literally woke me up#there was a noise it made and i know i understood it as words inside the dream but i can't remember what it was after waking just the noise#and that was it#it wasn't long i think tho it felt that way
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Ive drawn every day this week 👌👌👌 please enjoy the unnecessary amount of Go On RPM content (I cannot be stopped)
#please also enjoy the inconstant level of writing/details on the jackets <3#engine sentai go onger#go onger#power rangers#rpm#maybe one day i'll write some drabbles to go along with these#but something about sharing written stuff feels a lot more daunting than sharing art soooooooo ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#you know... for someone with a wolf zord dillon has real big smug cat energy#'lone wolf' my ass this boy is pushing shit off of benches and then walking away like it wasnt him#blue bus boys are back in town this time ft. ur boy speeeeedor#plus a lil baby doc k 😭#side note#suit colour = eye colour is one of my favourite lil toku art things#and while purple is a solid go to for black rangers (and works well for dillon)#i like the idea of gunpei's being orange for ya boy carrigator#sentai/pr has such little orange representation and it makes me so sad its literally my favourite colour#2023 art tag#go on rpm
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It's 100% true that the Roy siblings did not choose to be Logan's children and Tom and Greg and the old guard did choose to work for him so their relationships to Logan are fundamentally different, and the degree of culpability they bear for their own moral degradation is also wildly different. But workplace emotional abuse is also very real and omnipresent in the way Logan treats the people who work for him. And one of the impacts of workplace emotional abuse is creating an extreme attachment to the abuser and becoming less cognizant and even defensive of their abuse towards yourself and others, and in cases where the emotional abuse is institutionalized and systemic it can also create a strong aversion to leaving because your whole sense of personal identity becomes wrapped up in the organization and so being forced to leave can cause an intense psychological crisis. I don't think the situation of working for Logan is at all equivalent to being his child but I also think that it's a bit misguided to imply that Tom and Gerri and Frank and Karl are operating from a place of pure rationality without any undue psychological influences when they make the choice to stay with and support Logan
#used to work at a place that had an extremely emotionally abusive president for years and years and the people who worked there long term#were FUCKED UP. it was wild#i think it's easy to overlook that on succ bc it's very secondary to whats going on with the roy family proper. as it should be#but I also think one of the questions succ explores in tom as a character (and others) is how difficult it can be to leave these situations#even if you did choose to get into them#I don't think 'tom can leave at any time' is really a fair assessment bc technically yes. but practically? psychologically?#like yes he bears responsibility for getting himself into this situation due to his own greed and selfishness in a way the roy kids do not#but that doesn't mean it's easy or straightforward to walk away#also. tom is married to shiv which places him in the unique position where the only way to walk away is to cut off both his wife#and the company he's spent his whole life at#he could have NOT married shiv this is very true. and I think the choice to marry her even after she lied to him about sleeping with nate#means that he did have some idea of what he was getting into. he knew this was not going to be the fairytale marriage he wanted#he already knew about cruises too. he knew waystar was corrupt#that moment was the opportunity to walk away and he did NOT take it#and that is on him#but that does not making walking away now any easier
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I know multiple of these are likely important to people, but I'm asking in terms of like - which of these do you tend to focus on the MOST, enjoy the most, that is most essential for you to actually care about the media, etc.?
(For example: someone finding "Relatability" most important would likely not enjoy a show much if they have trouble empathizing with the characters/relating to it, even if it were good otherwise. Or, someone might be able to overlook bad acting and ugly costumes, as long as the Character Dynamics are fun to them, because they value that more than Aesthetics- while for others, bad costumes would be a dealbreaker.)
Also feel free to reblog and explain your answer or more information in the tags- I've always been curious about people's relationships to media, how they conceptualize it/what they get out of it, how some people value some parts more than others, how that informs their overall taste and genres they may be more inclined towards, etc. :0c
#I was having a conversation with a friend about our favorite type of media and they said the reason they DON'T like historical or fantasy#media or etc. is because they can't imagine themselves being in those situations like it's too detached from anything that they can relate#to personally. they put themselves in the shoes of the characters and apparently like feel emotions while watching stuff and actually#get into the way the characters are feeling so they kind of judge how 'good' or 'bad' a show's writing/setting/etc. are by how it makes#them feel and if they think the characters reacted realistically based on what they were feeling in the moment/what in their head they#would be feeling if they were in the postion of the character. SO apparently the distance of it being in an unrelatable setting or too#detached from our reality makes it harder for them to relate to and less able to really engage with it on that level. WHEREAS I watch#things exclusively in a very like.. detached way?? I'm INTERESTED.. it's like im intellectually analyzing everyhting that's happening and#can be intrigued by events but it's not in an emotional way? More of like a distant 'intellectual curiosity'. Maybe the premise or the#aesthetics or something about it has piqued an interest for me to observe it. to see what it's like or how it plays out. how the idea#is executed or etc. But like.. I cannot remember EVER really relating to any character or situation or projecting onto a character#or having those sorts of feelings or investment in it. That is just not a central part of why/how I watch things or what I care about#BUT after this I was thinking maybe this is my disconnect? I do not seem to conceptualize media the way some other people do and I often#walk away with an entirely different take on things. etc. So I wonder if maybe it's part of how everyone values different things probably?#maybe I literally just watch stuff and percieve it from a different frame of mind that others. More of a like detached curiosity#vaguely bemused analysis mode. Instead of a 'I am deeply emotionally invested in this and am feeling for all the characters' mode#And also I bet people who care more about plot/story are also the people who mind spoilers. Whereas for me I literally seek out spoilers#intentionally because that element of 'suprise ooh what will happen next!' is not central at all to my enjoyment. I could know literally#everything that will happen and still can find it interesting to observe - since for me#that's not the point. I'd rather know the ending so I can determine whether I want to invest the time in it in the first place. etc.#ANYWAY!! If I had to choose - I would say I'm usually heavily focused on world details and aesthetics. With only a slight preference#towards characters individually being interesting. Group dynamics can sometimes be okay but I get tired of everything being about relations#hips and romance - especially when sometimes it seems to be like. people who could not stand on their own as a character/are fundamentally#boring otherwise lol. I would watch a series of just one guy locked in a closet talking to himself as long as he was interesting and saying#things that were amusing or notable for some reason lol. I actually tend to dislike plot because most 'plot heavy' things like action focus#ed shows ALWAYS feel to me like they're moving so fast just to get from one thing to another that I'm not getting enough details. Part of#why I tend to not like movies. the time limit makes them too quick. I need a 95 hour expostion dump of the history of the entire world#and a series of 17 episodes straight where a guy is trapped in a room & the audience is just psychoanalyzing him. hghj.. Maybe I find all#characters annoying/unrelatable bc people w my personality type make bad characters/are not often represented (or are done BADLY). so then#I'm just picking 'who is the LEAST insufferable? who could i study like a lab rat?' whilst my main focus is the worldbuilding&costumes lol
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A Hero of the Sun
[Image Description: First image is a digital drawing of Super Sonic floating in front of white background. He faces the right of the viewer at 3/4ths view. Sonic has a serious expression on his face. One hand is raised with a green chaos emerald floating above it. The second and third images are close ups of the first. End ID]
#Sonic the Hedgehog#Classic Sonic#Junio Sonic#StH#Super Sonic#I liked making his quills/hair more flow-y#the initial sketch had Sonic running a hand through his quills and I still want to draw that at some point#and the chaos emerald! this is my first time drawing one! Not bad right??#It was the second to last thing I rendered on this drawing because I was dreading it so much#I had no idea how lighting on a gemstone is supposed to work#refs help soooo much#I still struggled over it for two days and debated leaving it out and walking away from this drawing entirely#I'm glad I stuck with it#goggyart
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when you read a fic that gives you a hyper-specific whump scenario that you know would either A.) take forever to find in another story or B.) hasn't been written at all so the obvious conclusion is that you have to write it yourself
#whump meme#~my stuff~#my brain hates me sometimes lmao#i just want a story where two characters are stuck in a broken down car in the middle of winter and having an argument#which leads to one stomping outside in some petty attempt to 'find help' while the other person doesn't realize#what is happening at first. they think their friend is just taking a quick second to catch their thoughts. not the best idea in a snow stor#but the other option is them tearing each others heads off so a little separation is fine. but then their friend starts walking away#and keeps going. so now they have to chase after them to corral them back into the car#because yeah its broken but its still somewhat warm unlike this suicide mission you are attempting!!#and then theres a big blow up because they have kinda been the shit-stirrer so their friend just is#im fixing it!! im being not annoying/useless/something related to whatever they were arguing about!!#so now they get slapped in the face with the fact that they've been taking out their bad day/week on their friend#who was simply being themself and trying to cheer them up/be nice#and when they eventually get back in the car the friend now feels like shit because they not only wasted heat from the car#but they also dragged their friend outside just bcuz they were being a brat so didn't they just prove the other person's point?#so now the two are just in a guilt huddle apologizing for being idiots as they inevitably wait for their rescue#bonus points if the rescue involves their rescuers trying to separate them and the other person just *refuses* to let their friend go#because they have a need to keep the first person warm after feeling like they essentially forced them out into the cold#is that too much to ask?? (i could turn this into an A talks to B scenario... also thinking about my OCs but when am i not lol)
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in a turn of events that doesn’t surprise anyone im sure, @impishtubist has caused yet another scene to be stuck in my head until i wrote it down. so, have some sexy, greying sirius; a deeply thirsty, appreciative james who won’t let him dye it; and a very-fed-up-of-his-parents-antics harry for prongsfoot wednesday!
x
Harry entered the house with ‘I’m home!’ on his lips that died an instant death as soon as he registered what he was seeing.
“Er,” he hesitated. Does he really want to—? One more look at the scene in front of him and he decided to bite the bullet. Better to clear the air now than keep stewing on it later.
“Um. Is this a—kink? A fetish? Should I leave and never come back?”
In any other scenario, the way both his parents froze and looked at him with wide eyes would’ve been comical.
If only Dad wasn’t straddling his Papa on the ground, one of his hands holding both of Papa’s above him with disturbing ease.
“Er—“
“It’s not what it looks like, Haz!” Dad yelped, cutting across Papa who’s face and neck were turning a steady pink. “I swear.”
“Then why are you still—like that?” Harry asked, deciding to play it safe and look at the boring grey couch in the living room instead. Nothing scandalous going on there.
He could hear the scrambling of feet, a few thumps, and a mini-yelp, absently wondering about the amount of noise the simple act of getting up could produce.
“Right.” Dad cleared his throat. “So, Harry, would you please tell your Papa that he is, under no circumstances, allowed to dye his hair?”
Harry blinks, turning to his other, exasperated, father in silent question.
“Harry, will you please tell your Dad that this is my hair and I can do with it as I please?”
“Not when you promised yourself to me!” Dad yelps and Harry is hit with an intense wave of regret at instigating this.
“Promised—?”
“Yes! Our wedding, you said, and I quote, ‘I give myself to you, James Potter, mind, body and soul’, don’t tell me you forgot.”
“Of course I didn’t forget,” Papa throws his hands up in the air. “But c’mon James—this is not what I meant when I said body!”
“What, you think I only wanted you for that ars—“
“Dad!” Harry, yelps, mortified. He can feel his cheeks heating in a violent blush. He can feel a similar flush creeping up Papa’s neck. Sadly, his words don’t have the deterring effect he’d intended.
“I mean, it is spectacular, don’t get me wrong, but you’re more than just a beautiful body, Si!”
“James, please, have some mercy for our child, if not me,” Papa says. Thankfully, this seems to register as Dad’s eye widened, part horror and part apology. Harry waves it away tiredly; though he’s no less embarrassed every time it happens, growing up in the Potter household with two extremely affectionate parents has exposed him to much worse. He’s accepted it as his lot in life.
“Er—yeah, anyway,” he coughs, ruffling his hair, “Bottom line—Sirius isn’t allowed to dye his hair.”
“I literally never agreed to that.”
“Too bad because you will,” Dad says, slowly moving towards Papa with a look on his face that Harry is loath to describe as predatory. If only it wasn’t so true.
“Oh?” Papa’s left eyebrow rises extraordinarily high, as it tends to do quite often. He crosses his arms over his chest in challenge. The motion makes his Dad smile.
“Mhm.” The two of them are chest-to-chest by this point, staring into each other’s eyes. Harry could probably conduct a whole rave party right here, right then, and they wouldn’t even notice. That is when he decides it’s high time he should step in—not literally, Merlin, no—before they end up doing something that makes him try to run away (again).
“So I was right—it is a kink,” Harry says dryly, once again regretting starting this entire conversation in the first place. He should’ve just turned back around and gone to the Weasleys instead.
“Harry, no—“
x
Three years later, Harry—who’s almost blissfully forgotten about the entire incident—walks into his parents’ house to an almost identical scene, just with his Papa on top this time. This time, he makes the sensible choice he still regrets not making all those years ago, and walks right back out the door.
Let those two sort it out on their own. Merlin knows his intervention hadn’t helped a bit the last time around.
#sirius black#james potter#prongsfoot wednesday#bambibelle#prongsfoot#harry potter#not one person far has the ability to make me write on command like miss imp#it’s absolutely ridiculous (i love every second of it)#which reminds me#my sentient black tapestry fic is still in the drafts 😭😭😭#(yes there is a reference to harry running away from home bc he saw his parents kiss each other—and more—one too many times)#i just think the idea is exceedingly funny hehehe#little harry packing a backpack and running away to the weasleys#or hell. teen harry walking in & out of the house and not being found for the next day and a half bc he saw them snogging#also just want it to be known that i was giggling so much while writing amorous j/s and traumatised harry#bc it’s all jokes anyway. harry lowkey adores how in love his dads are. wants the same for himself#boys got HIGH standards#as he should#bc his parents aren’t gonna allow anyone but the best for their son#also SPOILER ALERT: sirius obviously loses. james employs some *creative persuasion* a box of dye never entered their house after that#pen’s writing#tumblr works
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helping a customer with a heavy accent who doesn’t speak a lot of English VS helping a middle aged white woman
#‘erm I’m looking for a turf shoe’ ‘idk what that is’ ‘well I don’t know what it is either’ ‘okay’#and then I walked away#she was scary#thankfully white people are the minority in the store#it’s really interesting and odd#where I live is 94 percent white I never ever see people from other countries#but this store is like. big tourism hotspot for some reason#I’ve heard every single language#in yhis building#I’m not exaggerating#it’s honestly really nice#especially when a customers first language isn’t English because they’re always really polite and don’t mind repeating things#(I need real life subtitles I swear)#I think there’s somebody representing every single country in the world In here at all times#solius posting#swear I’ve heard every single European and Asian language#that I can recognize#there’s lots thay I have noooo idea about#makes me want to learn more languages
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thinking thoughts
#mia's ramblings#thinking abt that one time i was so uncomfortable with my friend's pda thing that i left them behind at the koi pond#like i literally just. stood up. started walking away#i still have no idea why it made me uncomfortable and even now just thinking about it makes me sick#for some reason idrk#also thinking about those times where i was so mentally exhausted from everything that i didnt have the energy to stand up so i just#didnt go to school#obviously i told people i was “sick” or “masakit pakiramdam ko” etc which i mean#its a half truth? atleast ???#and thinking about how i just want to avoid Her bc i do Not want to be dealing with their relationship problems at 6am but yk#the moment she starts up conversation i just#put those thoughts at the back of my head and pretend like im not fucking tired of her bullshit#i could be so. mentally drained. to the point that i just avoid everyone by going to coop on my own or going to 7-11 just to Breathe#but the moment someone talks to me like jack or salve or heck even kui my brain just. forces itself to act “normal” and by normal i mean no#-mentally drained yk?#like the moment literally anyone starts talking to me the thoughts of being mentally tired just get pushed back and idrk how to tell people#-that im mentally exhausted without sounding rude so i just#let my brain just bottle it up until im so tired mentally that i literally cannot function#i think its called being overstimulated? yea#which yeah basically this shit happens every. day. until my brain just goes nope youre shutting down no school for today also youre getting#-a fever too#which like??? idk why it happens???#and its not like i dont want to talk to them either#like#obviously i do#but talking to anyone when im like this makes it feel like an obligation#which fucking sucks because i dont like being obligated to do stuff i just want to do it because well#i want to??#and i feel bad for peewee bc usually he'll talk to me when im at my limit so my responses are very short and yea#this is why i always say 'im tired' whenever people ask how im doing
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I think in between having medium level body dysmorphic background noise since elementary school and the annoying mouse critic voice in my head doing comparison studies 80% of the time, it's really a step forward that I'm now able to look myself in the mirror and say: okay. Let's start with this: I'm glad I have this body. I'm going to treat it well. I may not like the way it looks at times, but it's mine.
#i realised how deeply this has been needling away at me very recently#because in situations where this has happened i genuinely have no idea what to do with compliments re: my appearance#because some part of me doesn't believe that it's True. on account of mouse critic voice being annoying.#my spiritual director/life coach called me pretty once in passing and i was like ???? alright moving on#and a girl i met recently said the same thing looked at me more closely and said: the more i look at you the prettier i think you are#and i was like ??????? don't know how to deal with that. my brain says you're lying but my eyes see that you're being sincere#anyway it is a step forward that i can be like. okay yeah you know what things are going to be fine. eventually i will like the way i look#but for now i'm going to ACT like i like the way i look.#or at least start with treating my body well instead of regressing into old destructive habits#we are going to eat properly! sleep properly! go out on walks (and not run like a maniac until we're tired all the time!) and enjoy the sun#like! you know what! a win is a win
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