#and this was my fallback ok? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sempersirens · 4 months

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the fig tree | rotten

pairing: therapist!joel x f!reader

warnings: 18+ mdni. discussion of heavy and potentially triggering topics such as sa, self-harm, infertility, various mental illnesses, self-hatred and drug use. these topics are only mentioned and do not occur in real-time.

chapter summary: a twenty-something, seemingly lost cause, meets her match in the form of psychotherapist: dr. joel miller.

dividers by @saradika-graphics

updates: @sempersirenswrites

series masterlist

Maybe it was time to accept you were never as good as you'd always thought you'd been.

For four long years, you had spent most of your waking hours dissecting epic poetry and papyrology.

Still, the most your degree had done for you was rouse a satisfying disappointment from your mother’s side of the family when they realised you weren’t actually going to be that kind of doctor.

Not to say such in a self-deprecation; you hardly suffered from any semblance of an imposter syndrome. Your mother used to frequently remind you that you were far too vain to not believe in yourself.

It was more of a philosophical framework. Platonic realism. Knowing your muted beauty could earn you a free drink from below-average men who felt their trousers tighten when you addressed them through your eyelashes.

But it wasn't an obvious enough beauty for the attention of the men you imagined exchanging bodily fluids with between stops on the underground.

Besides, you had been a student of Classical Studies; a degree that doesn’t require the intellectual strain of learning Latin or Ancient Greek. The inclusive way for people like you, having attended a run-down state-funded school, to get a glimpse into the Bullingdon boys' and grammar schoolgirls’ fallback plans.

It wasn't even that you disliked Classics; you'd borderline gotten off on reading plays written by men about wicked women; but that was because the brilliant women were always the wicked ones.

You particularly enjoyed the assumptions men made about the female condition – how women were too wet, too porous; couldn’t keep their wombs from wandering. And assumptions they were. No Greek physician ever sliced a woman from chin to cunt to confirm their hypotheses. Although, ancient men hadn't been all too familiar with the insides of a woman anyway.

Sometimes, you thought you would quite simply die if you were reduced to only understanding people through your assumptions of them.

It was just that you could never stop thinking about what people thought. It was all you could ever think about. You wanted to peel people's skulls apart and scream at their horribly grey frontal lobe:

Are you ok? Have I done something to upset you? Do you still love me? Do I look like someone that has been raped? Do you think that girl we just walked past has a firmer ass than me? Do you like my new bangs?

For a short period of time, you'd been desperate to know how your therapist felt and thought of you. There is a sick irony in baring your bones to a stranger in the reclined chair opposite you who never even takes off their cardigan.

You needed to know if your traumas made him sad, or if he saw things that made him think of you outside of your sessions. You supposed he both pitied and admired you in a twisted, surrogate-daughter kind of way.

Then again, he probably wouldn’t have been a very good therapist did he not pity his clients.

At one point you thought you might be in love with him.

You'd met weekly in his high-ceiling office on a busy street. It was a romantic setting to unload twenty-four years of trauma to a kind man wearing a knitted cardigan. The sun would peak through clouds and shine onto the both of you through two large windows, between which sat a Japanese peace lily.

You soon realised he was just the first man to let you speak uninterrupted.

You spoke at him mostly, finishing observations that had been years in the making with “Does that make sense?” Even though you knew it made sense. You were certain, actually, that everything you had articulated came from somewhere deeper inside of you than any man could reach. You just couldn't leave it hanging there like an exposed nerve.

Maybe it was because he didn't speak much that you liked him. Sometimes he would offer anecdotes or remedies for PTSD-induced panic attacks that you both knew you would never use.

In most sessions, you had simply basked in the divinity of being listened to. You wondered if this was how devout Catholics like your grandmother felt at confession, or perhaps it was how all of your ex-boyfriends had felt.

You weren't even particularly attracted to him. He had been ten years older than you, and when your sessions first began, you'd been casually fucking someone a year older than him – but he didn't need to know that.

There were a lot of things you'd decided he didn't need to know. Like the fact you snorted cocaine until your nose bled, sliced into your thighs a couple of evenings a week, and let men use your body to masturbate as a feeble attempt to reclaim your sexuality - as if it had ever been anyone's for the taking.

Had he known the dirtier parts of your life, you feared he would have crossed out the word victim in his black Moleskin notebook and replaced it with bystander.

Maybe he would think you were a pathological liar and diagnose you with a personality disorder. This was something you'd been warned about by the first friend you had made at university.

“My mother is a therapist, you know. Don’t tell them you cut yourself or that you’ve told anyone you cut yourself – they’ll diagnose you with BPD.”

“But I’ve told you.”

“Trust me. They’ll put you on an SSRI and you’ll never be able to orgasm again.”

You were freshly eighteen and had never had a real orgasm anyway, but this terrified you enough to reel in your catalogue of symptoms for the GP appointment you had scheduled later that day.

In the end, you'd buckled and sobbed as the doctor sat adjacent to you. You didn’t mention the self-harming or the suicidal thoughts, but did tell her that you didn’t know where to go from here.

She'd slid a leaflet from the university's self-help website across the table before pushing her chair back and motioning toward the door.

“Call 999 if things get worse," she had said. "But let’s just hope it doesn’t get to that point. A&E is very overwhelmed at the moment.”

So you got on with it. Boats against the current, or whatever. You made the hurt so small and buried it so deep within you and swore you'd never let anyone get close enough to pick at the stray thread to your undoing.

And for a little while it worked. You became what you knew you should be; you presented your face for fucking and never let the door slam on your way out.

These days, you'd felt as though you were slowly becoming rotten.

It started on the surface; a bizarre case of adult acne that no dermatologist could diagnose for love nor money. Blood tests, topical steroids, antibiotics, potentially-baby-deforming drugs. You tried them all to little avail. In the end, it was simply the passing of time that had rid you of the rot.

Next, it had been your womb. Decomposing from the inside out. Your body had made the decision for you that goodness couldn't form in your guts.

The final straw had, embarrassingly, been your heart.

You hated to say it aloud. So much so that you hadn't. But it had been a quiet promise of yours; one you'd kept quietly close to your chest - that your suffering would never turn you ugly.

But here you were, alone and swearing at the wind, the rage beneath your skin growing like a tumour.

You hated it.

You hated yourself.

You hated that you were angry but had never been taught how to be angry, because anger wasn't a pretty emotion; it was one that should be starved and kept in the corner of your wardrobe to rot like black mould.

So here you stood: before a Victorian townhouse with your scarf furiously fighting the wind, droplets of rain threatening your freshly straightened hair, scanning various names scrawled on the building's buzzer.

S. PHYSIOTHERAPY

A & R SOLICITORS

J. MILLER PSYCHOTHERAPY

You bit the inside of your cheek and ducked further into the doorway, pressing the buzzer for the last option.

A voice had answered quicker than you'd anticipated, soon followed by a harsh buzz of the intercom.

"Come on up."

Dr. Miller's office was on the third floor.

You huffed, struggling with the combination of the stairs and attempting to wrangle your wet coat from your back. Amidst your struggle, you hear a door open somewhere above you, followed by a couple of soft and slow footsteps.

Your chin instinctively lifted toward the source of the noise, feet carrying you round and round the spiral staircase.

Light poured around his silhouette from the window behind him. It was ridiculous, actually. The sight was almost holy.

Neither of you spoke as you made your way up toward him. You felt as though you were on your knees beneath him, transfixed in supplication.

The sleeves of his blue cotton shirt were haphazardly pushed up just before his elbows, arms outstretched and fingers wrapped around the wooden bannister.

You were supposed to be actually trying with this one, not fantasising about the ways the veins in his arms probably bulged with his hand around your throat.

After being politely let go by your previous therapist, you'd promised yourself that the colleague he'd recommended to you, Dr. Miller, would be the one to fix you for good.

"Hello." He nodded, not quite managing a smile.

He reached a hand toward you, which you shook with the little strength left in your body.

"Hello." You tried your best to imitate his stoic cadence, your hand still tightly in his.

You let him break the handshake first, playing a petulant, one-sided game to see how quick he would be to scare.

"After you." He gestured to the room behind him. "Take a seat wherever you feel most comfortable."

"If there is any cowboy paraphernalia in that room I am not paying for this session."

"Excuse me?" His eyebrows knitted together, no sign of humour registering on his face.

"Your accent - it was a joke. I mean, I paid already anyway." You fumbled your words awkwardly. "Jokes are always much funnier when you explain them."

He cocked his head slightly. Hesitant to embarrass yourself further, you saw yourself into his office.

The room was dim for a space endowed with Victorian-style floor-to-ceiling windows. It felt like you could get lost in it, hide away, tuck yourself into a corner and be lost for days.

"I have your notes from Dr. Hughes." He said.

"Anything juicy?" You asked, still surveying the room.

You couldn't put your finger on the specifics of his scent, but it was familiar; like passing a man in the street wearing the same aftershave as your father, or a boyfriend you hadn't seen for years.

"I'd like to figure that out myself."

You'd eventually settled on the armchair positioned opposite his own.

You had briefly wondered if this was a test, that he would be psychoanalysing whether you chose the armchair or the adjacent sofa.

Maybe you'd failed already.

For the majority of the session, you'd gone through the necessary motions of admin, confidentiality, and what you eventually wanted to get out of therapy.

"I don't have the ability to fix you, y'know that right?" His question had caught you off guard.

"I know that." You'd replied meekly.

"It's just, I don't know what kind of promises Dr. Hughes made you. We trained together, you see. He had always been more, how do I put this, hopeful than I am."

"Oh wow. Forty minutes into our first session and you're already hopeless?" You were only partly joking.

"I'm a big believer in transparency, and I can see you were meeting on and off for a few years. I'm just intrigued as to what your end goal here is."

You bit down on your cheek, swallowing the ember of rage that was burning in your throat.

"Do you think I do this for fun? Carve out an hour a week to relive my deepest, darkest traumas?"

"Not at all. I just find it interesting that after almost three years of therapy, you still can't use the word rape. You've referred to it as the thing that happened four times already."

The rot crept up your throat, threatening to pour out of your mouth and fill the room with the ugliness that grew inside of you.

"What is this, some kind of tough love therapy?" You scoffed. Was he trying to get a rise out of you?

"It can be whatever you want it to be."

He was kind of annoying, actually.

The two of you sat in silence, defiantly holding eye contact with one another to see who would be the first to break. And when he finally spoke, it was more of a statement than a question.

"That's time. I'll see you at the same time next week."

"How are you so sure I'll come back?"

He smiled for the first time that afternoon.

"I'm not."

#my fic #the last of us #joel miller x f!reader #joel tlou #joel miller x reader #tlou fanfiction #pedro pascal #joel miller x female reader #pedro pascal characters #tlou hbo #tlou #joel miller fanfic #joel x reader #the last of us hbo #the last of us fanfiction #pedro pascal fanfic #pedrohub #pedrostories

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gigglealongshiney-shadow-watcher · 17 days

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Continue from this the Opal vr John fight. Winner was John.

(This takes place after the grounded event. So the continuity is a bit out of order. )

Trigger warnings for child suffering, delusional rambling, bleeding out, and possible disturbing imagery.

Opal's body pushes blood to heal the open wound, but her arm can't heal around the knife's touch. It's killing her. Without any fallback systems in place for her biology made by a God, there's no way for her to recover. Her legs weaken, and some snap off to prioritize the major wound. They crash to the ground loudly. No one dares leave their homes.

Her eyes wander, but there's nothing worth focusing on down there. How long before he comes to drive the knife into the rest of her body? She dropped the lady, and he said he'd hurt her worse than anything she felt if the lady died. He couldn't be dead, because he said something after he fell.

(Cut for length) for the singing, tunes inspired by nowhere king, candy hearts and paper flowers, and some of my own tune.

Opal

Phillip

How long did he want her to wait for? Maybe she should try to...run? With what? Did she have legs? She looked for them, and it looked like she did, but they felt like nothing. They weren't real anymore. That's nice, she doesn't need to think about legs anymore.

The blue soaks into her body from the puddle and comes back out. She watches it grow. It's pretty, and it glows a little, like a melted star. Is she full of stars? They must've melted inside her. She laughs and tries to touch the stars with her fingers, but the hand isn't listening to her right now.

Everything is dizzy and spinny. She doesn't want to be on the merry-go-round anymore. It's making her sick. She turns, and more stars leave her mouth. It hurts, stars hurt when they leave like that. The star puddle is cold. It feels good, she's too melty inside. Maybe the stars can help her up into the sky when they leave.

This must be how stars are born. They die and turn into rain bits. She liked cold rain, colder than the water cups in the kitchen. Then they come back out and have to fly away again. They'll want to take their mama with them. She didn't want to be a mama, but her stars make the meltedness in her hurt less, so it's ok. She can be their mama. The star puddle isn't flying away yet, maybe they're too scared.

"Iss...ok...t' fly." She could fly. When did she fly? Flying was fun, right? She was small, small babies flew away to neverland, someone said that once. Was she small enough to go to neverland? The stars could come with her. The stars will take her there. "T'nk you stars."

She's breathing for some reason. It rocks her head a little. It's nice, so she keeps doing that. There's a rocking chair in auntie's room that makes a little sound like a donkey. Auntie is dead now, like everyone else. She feels sad. Is anyone still alive, or is she all alone? They're waiting for her so the games can end and they can go home.

She tries to remember a name to give to auntie. It's not there. None of the names are there. Where did her name go? Someone lost their name in a forest. She lost her name there too and now she couldn't say her name or the forest girl's name. The only name that she could find was...

Phillip. That was a special name. It makes her head hurt less to think about. Phillip. Phillip is a special name that matters more than anything. Why is it so important? "Please...tell me..."

Phillip sat on the rocking chair with her. Phillip found crayons she could see. Phillip didn't laugh at her for not seeing anything but what the big people said was blue and yellow. Why wasn't everything blue now? Phillip was a special name. A forever name. He has her name and she has his. She hopes he brings her name back, she wants to see it again. He must miss his name too. He gave it to her, and now it's smudged and cracked. She got it all dirty when... when... She wasn't up here before, but where did she drop the name for it to get so messy?

Phillip would be mad she got his name dirty. He says it's ok when she drops her drawing in her food. Names are like drawings too. You make one and it's yours but you can give it to other people. Phillip drew lots of pictures with her. He doesn't draw anymore. Would he be mad?

She closes her eyes. The star puddle hasn't left yet... Phillip is a good name, it's an important name. Phillip said they'd get old together and go to Florida, his mom said that's where the old people go. Florida had alligators, those were cool. Maybe Phillip is in Florida waiting for her.

It feels good to close her eyes. It's good so she does it. The meltedness in her isn't as bad anymore, the stars are taking it out of her. They're so nice to her, it was too melty inside for her. It's good on her...what? Skin, that's what it is.

Phillip. It's important. He's important so important, where is he? She's shaking, and now the star puddle is too cold. It hurts! She tries to get away from the star puddle, they're mad at her because she didn't give them attention. That's what bad mamas get, pain for being bad. She's bad at being a mama, she doesn't want to be one at all.

"Help me..." She starts to cry. Why does it hurt? Her face is cold, and it's a bad feeling. It's so confusing, it's so dark, where did everything go? It hurts so much, he's back. He's come back and stabbed the knife in her eyes and it's dark forever he's going to stab her forever and she's in the dark now-

Something touches her arm. "You need to open those to get out of the dark." It's Phillip... he taps her eyes. She tries to open them, and it's hard to see anything. Her eyes hurt so much.

"Hi there." He's laying next to her on his chest, frowning at her. Phillip looks just like he does on the rocking chair.

"H-hi." She tries to focus on him.

"You got beat up again. I'm sorry I wasn't able to fight off Glen this time, I thought he was grounded." Phillip looks over her at something far away. "...that's not true, is it? That happened a long time ago, Opal. That's not why you're crying. You got hurt really badly today." Opal...that was her name...right?

Opal, the name still didn't feel right, reaches for him. He was important, but something was still missing. Why was Phillip so important? "It hurts..."

Phillip takes her hand and pulls her up to lean on the entrance to the roof. "It's all done now, no more make believe. Now we can go home and play something else."

"What do you mean?" Opal pulls away from him and falls back on the floor. Something is wrong. Something is bad. "What’s make believe?" The words feel familiar but they don't belong. "No, no it's wrong."

Phillip stares at her with disappointment. "Why can't you just play along? Why can't you just accept this? Look at me. I'm here! I'm perfect looking, isn't that enough for you? Why isn't this good enough to just go along with?"

Opal chokes and coughs, more blood pouring out of her mouth before she could ask him what's going on. Phillip growls and hits his open palm into her chest and makes her cough even harder. "Stop!"

"All you had to do was say ok! That's why you always got hurt! You can't just accept it, can you? You always need to know more, and it hurts everyone else! You couldn't just be happy with your eyes. You couldn't just be happy being Pokotho's special girl. You couldn't just be happy with your body and you made a mess of everything! It's all your fault! You know it is!"

Opal sobs and curls away from him. "I don't understand, what are you saying?"

Phillip rolls his eyes and stomps on her knife broken arm. "You're the worst friend in the world, Opal. Why do you get to fade away in a friendly happy little daze and I had to die that day in the battle? Why did you get to live? Why did you get to leave and do all those wonderful things when you don't even care enough to stay put? It's stupid! I hate you, I hate you because you got everything you wanted and I didn't get anything. You're the worst."

Phillip turns and stomps away. "What did I- why- wait..." Opal cries and curls into a ball. Her arms are too big, and her legs are too big and she's all alone. Opal is alone and Opal will always be alone. Opal doesn't deserve Phillip. Opal is useless.

The time ticks by, Opal and she wishes it would tick away and take her already. Opal is tired and in pain and hates all of this. Opal hates John for doing this to her. Opal hates everyone who left her like this and never stopped to ask her what Opal wanted. No one cared about her enough to think about her as anything but a servant. Or a cute pet to play mommy with. Opal hates life and every last bit of it because it only ever led her to more and more pain until she finally got here, and now Opal could finally lay down and die and leave this awful world behind. Opal can see it all and curse it for being there. Opal is tired. Opal gives up on it all and closes herself off from anything and everything forever. Opal is dying. Opal is dead.

............................

She opens her eyes and tries to find warmth. She watches her tears fall onto the floor and they sparkle at her kindly. She's sad to see them fade.

Through her arms, she sees something move in a stuttery, slow crawl. It pushes and wiggles itself into view. He tilts his head towards her and a sleepy eye meets hers. "I'm...late, but I'm here."

It's the voice, the good voice that makes her think of nice things like the flower around his neck. A flower she knows. "Are you..."

"I think so." He doesn't have much of a mouth to smile with, but he uses what there is to try. He rolls closer to her. "You are too."

She looks at him. "Do you want them?"

He nods. "Can I?"

She shakily opens her bag. Inside, in a shaped lining are his arms.

One is cleanly cut by Pokey without her permission, the other ripped and torn free. She pulls out the clean one first and he pushes himself up on the arm. Holding the second, she threads her hand through its fingers and he takes it back and squeezes her hand back.

Most of his face is gone, and the metal shards in the exposed bones of his skull poke out like spikes. "I missed you." He says. "You haven't visited in a while, but that's ok."

She leans on his arm. "I...broke it." Something broke that meant everything to her. What was it? Something tumbled out of her chest and lay between them. It was shattered. She had broken his candy heart. "I-I'm so sorry..." She starts to cry harder, shoulders shaking.

He hugs her close, and his flower brushes her neck. "You kept it, and that's what matters. I kept your flower, and now we're back together again." He doesn't breathe, but he's warm. "We can make new ones."

She leans against him and he helps her rest against the door downstairs. He curls up with her and looks at the stars in the sky. He's stained with the same thing she is. He's warm, and she's not, so she pulls him closer. He tries to smile again and holds her hand. "Where?"

"Up in the sky, we were gonna go together." He rests his head on top of hers. "We can always whether the weather~." He sings a bit of the tune she knows deep in her core.

"That's what keeps us together..." She sings it back. It's right. It's the song she wants and it's the song that is him. It's the song that is her.

His voice is the good one that she sings with all the time. Everyday they sing together. Everyday is better with him. "Candy hearts and paper flowers, sunset skies, with hundred' hues."

Rhymes and songs we sang, for hours. Words to say I'll love you true.

Times get bad, and then I worry! How I'll ever see it through... but our candy hearts and paper flowers, will always keep me close to you.

Will always keep me close to you!

He sings softer now, and his hands are in hers the way she wishes they were more. He hugs her arm the way that she hugs his when they aren't in the bag.

I'm sorry for breaking your promise, can you even still look at me?

I told you once and now again friend, we'll make a new one so let it be.

But is it hurtful to be with me? When I was so bad to you.

Hey, now, this candy heart is still a-loving, and that love is forever true.

She cries and changes the song, trying to meet him in the connection and joy of sharing music together.

I, missed you and I love you so much, I, wanted to grow you a bunch...of paper flowers so you could be joyful and such, I love you too.

Long days in a rut that was us, happy campers but the reasons turned to mush, so now on the edge of the pain ending rush! I'll hold you close.

They sing together, whatever things they want to say, all coming through in rhyme and lyric until she...starts to lose track of her words. They aren't making sense anymore. He finishes the song, and she tries her best to keep up.

We can, do anything now just come and, hold me close and then, we'll fly! Fly up in the beyond! You and me! Joyful and finally free, as the sunrise, blinds both of our eyes!

Candy, papers will wrap up the candy, flowers and hearts go side by side, and they're bound all their lives.

All their lives...

So now we, paper and candy go swiftly, hurry and run for the starlight! Run to the ground, below~.

For now that we can be eternally,

reunited, let's go live our lives!

We're united...let's go live our lives~

He smiles and takes her by the hand, the other rest on her cheek over the cut in her mouth. "It's time to go."

She closes her eyes and a small spark lights in her mind. Those words meant something a long time ago...

"Mmaaaamaaaaaaaa gooooo!"

A lady in white puts away her phone and looks at her lovingly. "Ok baby! Are you ready for the super duper tough workout?"

"Ya!!"

She gets on the lady's shoulders and she buckles and dramatically wobbles around. "Wooahhhhh I can't stay up! It's too tough a workout! Nooo, I'm gonna fall!"

"No! No no fall!"

The lady makes effort noises and puts her down on the table. "Phewwww, maybe we should just stay home today, I'm pooped." She grins.

"Noooooo! Candy!"

"Hmmm? What's wrong? Ohh I said we would go get some candy after going to the big gym! WelI I guess I have to then!" She laughs and takes her hand. "Alright. Time to go, kiddo!"

He waits for her and looks at the sky. "Are you ready?"

She shakes her head. "There's...more...need the lady first..."

He nods. "Ok, how do I get her?"

"Gotta...be alone looking..."

"I'll be right here waiting, ok? We're gonna make a new candy heart for you, and a new paper flower for me! Right?"

"Mmmmmmm...yeah, wait for me."

He kisses her forehead and hugs her arm tightly. "I did before, and I always will. Cuz I love you." His only leg is bent to go over some of her legs.

"Love you too...friends in...in..." She's so dizzy, and the stars are twinkling around her like little fairies.

"Friends in every weather, friends always together, friends until the very end of time!" He recites it better than she can. He drags himself out of her sight and she lays on her arms. She can't see anything anymore and her head is quiet.

It's a nice quiet. She can't go without the lady and tries really really hard to be loud. It takes all her power to do it. "Lady in white! I'm- I'm ready to go! I'm...ready to go White lady...go...up..." She smiles and closes her eyes.

It's time to go.

@thesiblingsoftheblackandwhite

#hatchetblr #opal singer #lore post

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rott1ngbra1n · 2 months

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First off! I wanna go ahead and drop some fun art stuff I’ve been doing as I’ve been watching Dragons Rising season 2, which I’ve been loving!

I did a version of Arin before but it wasn’t my favorite so a redo! More AlleyCat stuff and obligatory Cole, because I love him.

I do have more Ninjago Art I want to do (Still need to finish that Cole and Morro friend piece-) and I have some other fandom art I also want to do, but I’ll explain more under the cut as well as why I’ve been gone or a bit less active everywhere. This is optional you do not have to read under the cut!

TW// Transphobia

For those unaware I am a trans man, I go by a different name: both online and IRL (online for privacy’s sake), I also work as a barista due to being a college student and needing to save money for moving away from my own transphobic parents. That’s a whole other story. But at work there was a coworker of mine who was consistently transphobic towards me whenever we worked together. It had been going on since June of last year (The irony of it starting during pride month made me and my friends laugh) but it escalated after I returned from New York, so much so I had to go to management.

Myself. Management had been informed by my best friend (who also works with me) about it and was told it was “gossip”. Ok. Sure- So I informed management of the new incidents and was told I had options, the first being to have a meeting with me, the transphobe, and my manager to discuss the issues. I said no so my manager went to the DM to find another solution. To give even more context, the transphobe couldn’t even be transphobic to my face most times it was always told behind my back to my best friend.

That’s how I knew my manager talked to the transphobe one on one, cause the transphobe right after the meeting went to said best friend. Telling her “not to tell me as she didn’t want to start drama” Cool, I feel so cool. I was very mad, went back to my manager with it, had that meeting with myself, the transphobe, and manager. Where my emotions were downplayed and the transphobe said she had “never interacted with a trans person before and didn’t know what she said was wrong.” OK.

SURE.

After that we assumed it was over, my manager made an incident report, but it didn’t stop the transphobe still kept talking behind my back to others. Despite me talking respectfully of her. More context all the talking behind my back happened at work while on the clock. After a while I just went about my day, then Ethics and Compliance called. They spoke to everyone involved, including me and I relayed more about my testimony. They said they would be investigating and I assumed it would take a while, then finally. I was informed that the transphobe was in fact fired.

This whole situation, along with other personal stuff going on with me, caused so much stress. To the point I tended to fallback into habits I had thought I fixed, mainly regarding my physical health. Even at points hating myself for just existing and having been born wrong.

I’m thankfully doing so much better now and have recently gotten diagnosed with Autism, something I knew I had but didn’t fully understand for a while. I’ve been getting better existing in a world knowing the people that are my blood hate me, knowing that eventually, I will never be able to be loved by my parents or sister. I have friends and coworkers who support me and I want to support other people in this community.

With that said I’m back to making more art! I’m building a portfolio for animation and to intern next year, I also will be trying to post more animations to here when I finish them! I also will still be active in the Ninjago fandom, I’ve loved this show since it came out in 2011 y’all can pry it from my cold dead hands-

But I do want to make more original work, I want to do more Star Wars work, QSMP art and animations, and more Musical Theater art whether it be Broadway or Indie productions. I hope people enjoy what I make, especially some of my original characters as I’ve gotten to work on Cybernetic more thanks to my animation class. You’ll see more of it as we go!

Thank you if you’ve read this and thank you for supporting me!

#art #my art #digital art #fanart #lego ninjago #lego ninjago fanart #lego ninjago lloyd #lego ninjago morro #ninjago #lego ninjago cole #ninjago fanart #ninjago cole #ninjago lloyd #ninjago dragons rising #ninjago dragons rising fanart #dragons rising #ninjago arin #life update

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ludaroace · 5 months

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time for more brainrot on how much i think ramon deserves the world because i FINALLY got to watch yesterdays vods and it makes me AHH

the whole conversation ramon and pac had when fit crashed ! ramon straight up asking for pac to take care of him when fit is gonna be gone for a bit in march ! like yes, ramon would have been taken care of likely by him and tubbo anyways but straight up asking ? and then immediately into the you'll need to adopt me one day and pac's response just straight up being let me get the papers from cucurucho . zero hesitation until he decided that ramon deserved a huge celebration and that was the only thing stopping him from doing it immediately .

and the difference between the way he asked - because getting taken care of is business . he could get the cookies from fit, hand them over to pac, get fed, and log off if need be . no way anyone says no to that unless they also plan on being gone . but then the adoption comment - where you can immediately tell that ramon is nervous because he writes the sign and hides behind because pac COULD say no to that and it would hurt . its no longer a matter of hey can you make sure i don't die for two weeks and now a matter of ramon putting himself out there for real ! like yeah he said things in that vein before but never as direct (towards pac at least) and the other times could be played off as a joke or trying to embarrass fit but now fit's not here so there's no fallback .

and from a viewers perspective, we know there was no way in hell pac would have said no because he adores ramon and honestly probably would have adopted him sooner if he asked . but like, in ramon's place you're a kid who's been through hell and back asking someone so important to you to officially adopt you, and he COULD say no, which not only is terrible for him, but is probably gonna make things awkward as hell between pac and fit which he doesn't want .

but he doesn't have to worry because the immediate response is yes and that he's gonna do it the proper way too and go all out because thats what ramon deserves . and in the end, i don't think ramon would have been any less happy if pac was just like ok bet you're my kid now, but knowing he's fully willing to go the extra mile is just <3 . AND THEN THE WHOLE INTERACTION ENDING WITH "obrigado pai" "de nada filho" was just PERFECT . because even if it's not official with the papers yet, its official now in every other way

anyways, i also love the way that ramon is included in the tuesday date . like in my head i already assumed he would be there (especially cuz of the lore dump pac is about to experience) but hearing them refer to it (mainly implied through the use of we and us in reference to fit and ramon) is just a little silly to me . of course their kid is showing up to the first official date, he's the one that's done literally all of the work other than asking and even THEN .

#qsmp #qsmp ramon #q!pactw #one of these days im gonna get off my ass and talk about how ramon acts extra childish around pac too because this means everything to me #pactw tag #ramon tag

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naomiknight-17 · 1 month

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I have a ton of retail experience but have become too disabled to continue working in that industry

Spent 3 years training in pastry arts and management only to run into the same problem with my body being just too broken to make it in that kind of work (I tried. I tried so hard)

My fallback was to return to reception/administrative work. I even took additional courses so I qualify to work in medical settings. I have been job searching for almost two years, with over 6 months being post-certification. Haven't even gotten an interview. Not one.

My last skills are writing (even took courses in specifically food writing) but everyone is firing/paring down writing staff rn because they can do it cheaper with AI, and that only leaves drawing. Which I'm only sort of ok at, and my tablet has a big crack in it so I'd have to invest in a new one to try to make any money on digital art again.

I don't know where I'm going with this. I just feel so hopeless right now. I've put so much into building all these skills and either I'm too physically broken to use them or they're not skills anyone places any value on.

Just beyond frustrated and disheartened

#mod post #job hunting #negative #ask to tag

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gorbalsvampire · 5 months

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Vampire: the Requiem (2e) Readthrough Review (Repost)

About eighteen months ago I picked up the second edition of Vampire: the Requiem and, while laid up with the first instance of mortifying acid reflux (it would not be the last) I decided to do a full readthrough review. Then I went insane and deleted my accounts at least once. But! Wayback Machine to the rescue! The text survives and here it is again.

I don’t want to make too many comparisons to Vampire: the Masquerade because “is it better?” comes up every couple of weeks on the White Wolf RPG subreddit and has done for years and I’m tired. I want to talk about Requiem on its own merits where I can. That said, I cannot avoid being an old hand who knew VtM first and has been playing V5 for two years: I’m bound to evaluate what I discover in terms of what I already know.

Images are from the book in question, sourced via the Storytellers’ Vault, spirit of fair use, purely for illustrative/visual handhold purposes.

A Date with the Night: world building

The onboarding is solid, with the key questions asked and answered (in sightly purple prose, but still):

what do we do in this game? (we predate, but we also philanthropise, we also party: we are trying to be something other than a machine that eats blood forever)

what’s the internality of the characters like? (who you are as a vampire is precariously balanced with who you pretend to be as a human and you need to do both, in very practical terms)

what’s the core conflict? (Strix have existed for as long as Kindred have, they are the old-school pre-literary revenant vampires, and they hate you) (VtR 1e was pretty bad at this, it didn’t have a fallback for when your brain wouldn’t turn over, and the Strix answer this need: when you don’t know what to do with your players, throw a Strix at them)

Clan presentation, again, really good. The focus on what kind of predator they are, how the human experiences them; the range of example personas presented; the recommendations on stats, sweet Jesus yes, it’s about damn time. The game explicitly says “hey this signature power uses those numbers and this one uses these, bear that in mind, here’s what priorities here or there on the sheet might look like as a character so you’re not feeling like the system mastery has crowded out your vision.”

Covenant presentation is a bit weaker; it doesn’t feel anchored into the processes of gameplay to the same extent, there isn’t that “hey, you’re Lancea et Sanctum, here are some Merits you might want to consider” – I don’t know why that might be yet but it feels a bit lacklustre after the very table-focused material on the clans.

I do like how the clan origin stories and the extinct clans and covenants suggest a metaplot without beating me over the head with it. There was a thing called the Camarilla in Rome, it was the first proper vampire society, it fell apart because historical pressures but also Strix, it survives in these ways. But there’s no Grician bias stuff here – no specifics for the brain to snag and snare upon, no numbers and no iconic signature characters into whose biography the game texts can deteriorate.

As I read it I’m thinking “OK so how does that plug into the European history I’m interested in exploring, how far from Rome are we here?” or “OK but how does this place much further away talk back to any of that, we’re beyond the frontiers of Rome with this one, did they ever have a Camarilla or are we looking at Circle-Town from the year dot?” The covenants feel inspiring from a storytelling perspective but in terms of character generation they’re not quite made concrete.

The All Night Society is an in universe introduction to setting concepts like the Traditions, the processes of hunting and ghouling. I find this sort of thing accessible enough but there are bits where I’d like to be told how it works. The Cacophony, for instance: I can grasp the idea from this impressionistic and dreamlike prose, but mine is not a life of underground parties or graffiti tags, and I could do with this shit translated into Parochial Geek through the medium of concrete, at-table example. Just walk us through how it manifests in an example of play. Oddly I don’t get the same effect from Solace even though I’ve never been a habitual drug user.

There’s a shadow of things to come, with the spread on feeding grounds and havens, but it isn’t reified with recommended Backgrounds to represent that stuff. (I stand by Predator and Coterie Types as the quiet best innovation of V5, by the way, more definitive of how you do vampirism than any amount of sect allegiances.) All in, it’s a good chapter for hooks and eyes.

Building a Monster: chargen (and rules) (and then chargen again) (but also reference)

Laws of the Dead runs pretty long – character generation and all the Disciplines are in here. I’m going to stat up my old character (since I lost his sheet anyway and didn’t really know what I was doing when I made him) along the way for another perspective on all this material.

Aspirations are a useful early feature: pick three things your character wants to achieve in the game, one or two relating to Kindred existence and at least one relating to the human world. Characters need to want things, not just “be rounded” by events in their past – they need to be moving toward events as yet unresolved. Personally I think it should be one pre-mortem one post-mortem and one space to allow emergent gameplay, as I always end up going off down some strange tangent for session after session and then feeling bad because it’s not what I told the Storyteller I wanted to do with the game.

Adrian Royce is a Ventrue and a member of the Carthian Movement: his concept is “Weird Left Zine Correspondent”. His human-facing Aspiration is to pay off an enormous debt – he dug a deep deep hole of expenses researching his first book and he’s got to square that somehow. His Kindred-facing Aspiration is to uncover a secret that gives him leverage over/among his fellow Ventrue – I imagine he’s a bit shit by the clan’s standards, a wrong side of the tracks Embrace for all that he’s the best possible version of himself.

I’ve always liked the nWod/CofD “grid” of Attributes – cross-reference the kind of challenge (mental, physical or social) with the approach being taken (power, finesse, resistance) and you’ll know exactly which one to roll in a given moment. Couple that with a robust “let’s think about what this word means” approach to the Abilities and you’ll be calling the dice pools with confidence in no time. It does help to be up front about this approach, defining the Traits with players, just in case they think seducing someone is a Subterfuge roll by default when you see dice pools more as “what are you trying to achieve with this seduction – do you want to make someone believe you because you’re hot, or do you want something material out of it?” kind of decision.

Adrian isn’t a particularly finesse-oriented person – he gets what he wants through force of personality, occasional acts of violence, and sheer tenacity. He’s not particularly smart, although he works hard. Social prime, then Physical, then Mental. Mental Skills take a higher priority though, he’s well trained and makes up for his lack of exceptional smarts with a rigorous approach to investigation. Physical gets bumped down: he can handle himself in a fight and he’s picked or planted the odd pocket in his time, but he’s nothing spectacular. His specialties are in Investigation (Conspiracy Theories), Expression (Journalism) and Brawl (Boxing) – I’ve decided he has a hobby that makes him a little bit tastier in a scrap. His clan gives him an extra dot in Presence, which is a nice way to pick up a four-dot ability without sacrificing anything else, or compensate for a sacrificed dot somewhere.

Beats kind of sneak into the middle of character creation. These are super important as beats – as in story beats – convert into experience points. From the sessions I played a few years ago I remember beats coming thick and fast, a core part of the gameplay loop. Is the list of things that give a beat on the Storyteller Screen? It is not (they needed that space for half a page of grappling rules, obviously).

New Disciplines are sensibly gatekept – the clans’ unique Disciplines require a teacher and a sip of the ol’ vitae, the covenants’ unique Disciplines require a teacher, everything else is up for grabs.

There’s a list of archetypal Masks and Dirges (your pretend human self and your real Kindred self, respectively) that restore all or one of your Willpower points when you live up to them (I’m hoping Willpower is the ‘extra dice’ ‘reroll’ or ‘auto success’ generator it’s been in other versions of the game – I honestly forget how that works – but there’d better be lots of incentives to spend it!).

Touchstones appear here, but they’re both a little more nuanced (it’s acknowledged that they can be a place or a thing, although a glance at the ST screen has revealed that spending time around humans is mechanically enforced by the Requiem rule set) and a lot more developed (there’s a good two pages of examples for you to build off, why the hell didn’t V5 do this?).

I’ve adapted the “Former Patron” for Adrian. He has a close friendship with a ‘zine editor, the only person who’ll consistently employ him and pay him steady money for whatever he turns in on or about the deadline. Ricky – for ‘tis his name – isn’t stupid, he knows Adrian is Kindred, but he’s taken a “don’t ask don’t tell” approach and Ade is grateful for the mercy, since not being asked means he doesn’t have to lie.

At this stage we get into a cluster of more in-play rules, and…

On the whole, page for page, this book is beating V5. The layout is sensible and consistent, the art assets aren’t gratuitous, the artified text boxes generally draw the attention to a key idea summarised in direct and emotive text, and I haven’t ever had to follow two ongoing arguments across two sets of different coloured columns in a six column spread. But the information flow through chapters is just as bad as V5, and really shits the bed at this point: I’m trying to make a character and there’s page after page of core gameplay activities in the middle of the chapter between Touchstones and Merits.

If I’m walking someone through chargen and getting them to read the words so they understand what they’re doing with the dots (instead of just learning the summary and not really doing the process in full depth) this is bad, because it breaks flow and we lose momentum and concentration. If I’m looking for a rule during play, this is bad because core activities are clustered up in the middle of a section about something else and there’s no marshalling of information onto spreads or anything. This is just about acceptable in a PDF, with search and hyperlink at your side, but it’s rubbish in a physical book.

We get into the rules for damage, and for vitae, and the Blush of Life casually tosses off that for one (1) vitae, vampires can keep a meal down for most of the night, or have sex. That’s that. No lengthy “at Humanity 4 you can’t get it up but you can fingerbang” granularity. Neat and tidy. It’s just another biological thing they might need to do sometimes.

Predatory Aura is also neat: an explanation for just why Kindred society has all these customs and all that elaborate rigmarole. Kindred know Kindred; the Beast stirs, and can be incited to lash out. This is the bare-fangs-and-hiss routine; this is the stagey, theatrical sexuality; this is the sneering and posturing behind polite words. And it’s got some simple, hard and fast rules keyed to Willpower and Power Attribute rolls. And it gets past the "how do I know that you're a vampire?" stage in meeting the NPCs. Do like.

Rules for posthumous Embraces and the rise of the corpse as a Revenant – nice touch. Another threat that can find its way in should the session or story need some sizzle, as anyone who’s been bitten can rise if they come into contact with vitae after death or are fully exsanguinated on a later feeding (which is how we get the Lucy-in-Dracula moments). Lovely stuff.

Feeding is in here: there’s the simple way, and the “well, you have to grapple first” combat option (ahh, that’s why grapple rules ended up on the ST sheet – but the beats would have been nice to have!) And certain chestnuts about blood and vitae are described explicitly: the physical fluid nourishes more or less depending on where it comes from, so different amounts are needed. I wish the exact processes and amounts were on the goddamn sheet (I won’t need weapon damage in every session, but I will definitely need feeding!) though. Finally an example of play as well, to cover the no-dice feeding option, which definitely needs it.

I’m going to stop complaining about the stupid ST sheet eventually, but why isn’t the frenzy modifier chart on there? Frenzies can come up in any scene, god damn it…

There’s a long and disorganised list of Merits. Some of them – the Carthian Merits I’m trying to pick out for Adrian – come in multiple tiers and I can see the shape of the Loresheet system from V5 in there. They seem to have been sorted by “Kindred only” and “Mortals can take these too” but they’re the wrong way round (I’d put bedrock stuff like Contacts and Status up front, since a lot of the Kindred ones refer to these or have them as prerequisites). Also, the lack of sub-sorting means that if, for instance, I’m building a Carthian, I have to flip back and forth a lot just to figure out what all my options are and what I need to chain into this or that to make them go. Chalk this up to something Masquerade has always done better (either by skimming specific ones off into clan and sect supplements, or dumping a lot of them into an optional appendix and having the core focus on the important Backgrounds that locate your character in the world).

Adrian has ten Merit points to spend. I’m going to start with Human Merits, because they’re more concrete bread and butter assets like “living indoors” and “having money”, and go into the weeds of Kindred Merits once I’m happy that he’s grounded. He has a dot in Allies, representing the activist community who know and tolerate him because he occasionally turns up something extremely useful. Area of Expertise (Investigation) makes him really good at that due diligence and Barfly will help him blend in when he’s doing the legwork. True Friend doubles down on his relationship with his Touchstone, Ricky T: Adrian strikes me as a hard man to like, but faithful to the bitter end in return. Finally, I’m going to buy him some Carthian Status as a prerequisite to his Kindred Merits: I’m starting to feel like Adrian’s a bit of a sofa surfer, leeching off his covenant and repaying the favours with hard graft and the occasional truth bomb. Carthian Pull and I Know A Guy will work for this at low level, giving him access to the odd low tier ‘background’ dot in exchange for a story-generating favour. I have one dot left and pop back to the Mortal list to pick up Trained Observer, just to lean harder into that “works hard, pays attention” feel.

The chapter closes out with Disciplines, which I am absolutely not going to talk about at any length. I’m just going to remark that the multiplying XP costs of other Vampire iterations are long gone, that Devotions (what I know as Amalgams) are sidepieces with an experience cost based on the number of dots that go into them, and that every Discipline has a stat+skill+discipline pool as standard.

As a Ventrue Adrian has access to Dominate in-clan, so I’m going to go hard on it as his unique selling point. Two dots there give me the simple four word command and the option of chaining three of those together into a series of instructions or extended control. His dice pool for it isn’t great, so I go back and swap his Attribute priorities; three dots in Intelligence to make the Discipline go. Looking at his dots now, he’s got a powerful intellect and forceful personality but he’s not very quick or delicate in his approach, and while he can throw hands if he has to, he probably treats them a bit too much like an amateur boxing ring and starts shit he can’t finish. He gets a dot in Resilience to round him out, and give him a chance to stay on his feet in these tight spots.

And we’re done. That took longer than I’d have liked, largely because this felt like three chapters (some core rules, the Disciplines writeup and character generation) rammed into one poorly-organised whole. The writing is on point, the layout is good, the art assets are unobtrusive and feel relevant, but the flow is all over the place and I suspect it’ll be actively annoying to refer back to this section in play. At least now I know where things are.

Playing With Your Food (game rules) (the rest of them)

Rules of the Night (hopefully this will go a bit faster!)

Usual stats-n-skills breakdown, but I like the suggested equipment and sample actions that come along with each skill to guide use of them – that should avoid the dead dots problem where someone takes dots in Etiquette and the chronicle never uses it, since it’s a player’s responsibility to suggest things like dice pools in order to move the story along. (I mean, Etiquette is a tiered Merit here, but you get the idea.) A very good page and a half on commonplace activities and their dice pools, which is built into the section on dice rolls and doesn’t make weird claims about what kind of fuckin’ is good fuckin’ (V5, take note!). I don’t always like these (as I’ve said, sometimes seducin’ someone is Charisma and sometimes it’s Manipulation, the approach and desired outcome should set the pools) but if people want a usual roll, there it is.

Social Man… eo… that word I can’t spell

Good things about this system: it’s specifically for players to use on non-player characters.

Bad things about this system: it introduces trackables in the shape of Goals and Doors that need to be calculated, modified, and tracked in a long chain of rolls that may take days of in-game time to fully resolve. It’s a very roundabout way of figuring out how many rolls of varying types are involved in the extended task of getting someone to do what you want. It does reduce down to a formula (take lowest of Resolve or Composure, add 2 if a breaking point would be met, add 1 if an Aspiration would be thwarted, add 1 if a Mask would be compromised, you need that many successful rolls – not successes – to get what you want) and I like the concept of introducing not-social rolls to the process (on the grounds that fixing someone’s garage door will make them like you more and feel indebted to you) but it all feels a bit protracted.

There is the shape of something good here but I dramatically prefer the approach V5 takes of introducing Social Conflicts with Willpower as a “damage tracker”, resolvable in three rounds, each of which can be instantaneous or protracted.

Combat is fine, it’s the usual stat + skill – target’s defence dice pool. Dodging doubles your Defence and turns it into a dice pool you roll against your attacker, which I’m not sure about the odds on. I think I’d rather have the blanket dice penalty imposed on an attacker’s pool as not letting them roll dice is surely better than rolling my own to see how many 30% chances of cancelling out their dice I can muster. Perhaps Dodge is there because people roleplaying fight scenes want to be able to dodge, because they don’t want their character to throw hands. That seems more likely.

I am going to do another “V5 did this better” – I am trying to rein it in, I swear, I know this is an older game – and say that V5 has the only initiative system I will ever accept as better (for my theatre of the mind playstyle) than “just start with the player on my left and work around the table”. Instead of all this “roll dice add character trait bonus subtract weapon malus” stuff V5 works off the dynamics of the scene, ticking down through existing close combat between already engaged parties, then ranged, then fresh close combat, then everything else. This works because what’s important isn’t the realistic simulation of real combat or the random factor: it’s building scenes in a way that makes sense and helps everyone grok what’s happening and serves to organise who rolls dice when and in what order turns are taken.

Equipment is more granular than I’m used to but I don’t entirely hate it: it’s things that are useful, expressed in terms of the Merits needed to acquire them, and I think that’s a better way of using Merits than the rather vague “I have Resources 5 so I should be able to hire NPCs to do everything for me”. Availability is a dot rating which you can match with Merits or successes from rolls – so if something’s Availability 4, you need Resources 4 or you’re rollin’ to see if you can blag it somehow.

Conditions get bumped into an appendix for ease of reference. I’m ambivalent about these. Once you’ve got them into your head they’re probably fine but it might well be easier to just say “characters affected by this mind whammy get a -2 to Social Resistance rolls” than constantly cross-referencing to the Mind Whammied condition. I feel these work better with the reference cards – something tactile you can toss across the table so a player can refer to it, and hand back when it’s done – but I forget what it was like trying to wrangle them on Roll20.

The World Against Us (adversaries, locations and ref advice)

The World We Die In takes us through a series of sample domains: Athens, Beijing (with a localised version of the Ordo Dracul), Berlin, Montreal, North Carolina (with a Jiangshi clan that remind me of the very heart of the old Wan Kuei from VtM), San Francisco, Swansea (Swansea?), Tokyo (with localised covenants – zaibatsu – replacing the familiar five)… I think this is a nice answer to “Requiem has no lore” and “Catholics and pagans are not global phenomena you Eurocentrist pillock”, which are pain points I've heard in more than a few of my Masquerade groups.

Storytelling is a busy but focused chapter, which talks about how to emphasise each aspect of play – Mask and Dirge, Aspiration, Blood Potency, Vitae, Conditions and so on – offering a Twist for each one that really brings it out of the morass of play. My favourites are the Vitae Twists with tokens passed across the table and no numbers said aloud when feeding, and an option to say “chuck the character sheet, Vitae are dice, you can roll as many as you want, but when you’re running low, you must feed”, with damage coming out of the Vitae pool as well, and a five-dice no-control Frenzy at the bottom. (I really like this one, it’s the most… vampirism is all that matters… of the whole lot so far.) I’d use that with the Blood Beats twist as, let’s face it, conventional experience doesn’t really matter here, what matters is accumulating experience to become More Vampire by adding Blood Potency.

I also like the Twist to replace health trackers with Conditions applied as characters take hits. The mathematics involved seems like it doesn’t so much replace the health tracker as add a layer to it – I think I’d base this on margins of success during combat rolls rather than doing sums to see how much each character can take.

And there’s a really neat mode for character generation – a 12 step programme for fleshing Your Dude out with the other players and the storyteller, basically a collaborative relationship map that you build during character creation. I love group character creation and I also like when players bring me NPC ideas. Colour me pleased with this. I’d want to do this before even putting dots down; basically, concept, then Climbing the Ladder, then building the characters and setting.

An appendix for ghoul characters (with unique ghoul merits – for the first time ever I might actually think a ghoul chronicle is worth doing, as an extended Prelude), an appendix for conditions, and we are done!

Would I run this? Yes. It’s not perfect – the information flow of the rules is all over the place, especially interrupting the character generation is a no-no, and I really don't like Doors – but those are the only two tooth-grinders, so it’s walking in with a credible 7/10.

Additional, after the fact: I did end up running half a V:tR story, and came to the conclusion that Requiem has some incredible ideas about how vampires work but doesn't quite boil them down into efficient systems, at least not ones that I can run over Discord. With a face to face group and a deck of Condition cards and tokens to track feeding it would probably be easier to do. I do think it's superior to V5 on at least one systemic front though, and that's with Humanity... which we will come to very shortly.

#vampire the requiem #vtr #game review #rulebook review #readthrough review #self repost #don't be mentally ill and delete your accounts folx

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charseraph · 2 years

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You’ve probably answered this before, but do you have any advice for anyone wanting to make their own spec bio species? I tried making my own but I feel like they’re too humanoid of designs but that’s also what I’m most comfortable with😔

Don’t worry, I’m happy to answer! 🤲🏼

I found that finding a shape, even the most ‘unusable,’ ‘un-animal-able’ shape around you, and then replicating that shape as accurately as you can in a sinch (no streamlining! Shaky messed up lines are ENCOURAGED, living things are all imperfect squiggles, so minimize your erases and undos!) can help with silhouette ideas.

(The reason for that is that instead of deleting a ‘bad’ drawing outright, you can start anew or copy only the parts you liked, and then boom! You’ve got one drawing you’re happy with and another you’ll more likely than not return to in the future, however far.)

(A dozen fast, improvised designs can beat out a single painstakingly planned one. It seems counterintuitive that quantity can be better than quality, but that’s only if you know the quality ahead of time! When it comes to concept art, more is better at the very beginning.)

Once you’ve replicated a handful of shapes, don’t add eyes and ears. In fact, don’t draw anything you’d think of as something an animal would have. The frequent fallbacks are tails, claws, paws, toes, ears, horns, fur, wings, joints, teeth, snouts, and hexapedal, quadrupedal, and bipedal bodies with heads in the front. These things are not universal, they are just our earthly scope of our closest relatives.

Modeling an alien species after insects, birds, reptiles, or sea life will make your alien nonhuman, but still earthling. These categories won’t necessarily arise in an alien world. Evolution doesn’t produce birds as we know them, evolution takes the most convenient source material and produces something to fill the niches birds occupy, and birds happened to be that source material.

I like to think about building a species like building a robot. How does a robot know where it’s going? Light sensors, maybe. Those don’t need to be orbs, or even at the front. How do some robots move? They don’t necessarily need spines or toes or claws or tails. How is fuel acquired? Lots of earth animals happen to have a hole in the front that sucks it in and breaks it up for refinement. Does it only have to be this way?

The more you separate life from Earth and relate it more to processes, means to the goal of continuing one’s design’s existence, creating more and more alien but still feasibly alive creatures becomes easier.

Above all, it should be fun. Researching biological precedent and basis from actual animals isn’t absolutely required, because those processes are based on logic—through which you can invent (or accidentally independently replicate) your own symbioses, organs, life cycles, and body chemistries.

Earth nature is like a template: working too closely from it can make you something that’s feasible, but could be recognizably earthly. Imagination is like raw resources: difficult to refine into something that makes total sense at first (from a lack of reference and guidance), but, with the right balance of templates and shots in the dark—you can make something positively, confidently alien!

You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to of course! It’s not a rule set, and you aren’t doing anything wrong if you don’t do them. The ultimate goal is to enjoy creating, not just the end result. Your aliens should be fun for you to draw. The amount of worldbuilding you want to do is your choice alone and no one else’s. Stopping at a single species, culture, planet is perfectly OK. Don’t let guides or other worlds pressure you into making more than you’re craving to.

If you ever make any drafts, however small, I’d love to see them. I’m always down to hear about people’s alien ideas, I sometimes throw in some fan art to help out. I wish you the best of luck, fun, and ease.

#char speaks #ask #thank you for asking!#speculative biology

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alaritheaurora · 1 year

Text

Roier coming home after a night of 'work'.

I'M BACK BITCHES. Do I care of mermay is over? Kinda. Will I acknowledge it? No. There's never a day that isn't for the gays and mermaids. And all the platonic partners co-parenting a child. I refuse to believe that any egg has died. I'm going through the five stages of grief, but I plan to never leave denial.

Probably gonna do more with this, who knows. My red pen is still lost, my blue pen is broken, my green pen is running out, these are trying times. It's OK tho, I have a fallback black pen.

#qsmp #quackity smp #qsmp mer-hostage-may au #qsmp jaiden #jaiden animations #jaiden fanart #qsmp fanart #qsmp roier #roier #roierfanart #qsmp bobby #qsmp the eggs #qsmp au #fanart

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shiningwonderland · 4 months

Text

Syo Kurusu (Repeat)

Translator: Terry (twitter: turtlemudge)

Proofreader: Raz (twitter: agnadance)

November: Se Bisogna

The holiday after the school festival has ended, and regular classes have begun again.

After school, everyone's very busy preparing for the graduation audition.

Syo-kun and I are preparing too. We decided to come to the recording studio to practice our song.

Haruka Nanami: Is Kaoru-kun still staying in your dorm room?

Syo Kurusu: Yeah. I keep telling to go home, but he won't listen.

Syo-kun's younger twin brother, Kaoru-kun, really wants Syo-kun to move back home.

He refuses to leave without him. True to his word, he's stayed in the dorms ever since the school festival.

Haruka Nanami: He's not even going to school, then?

Syo Kurusu: That's right. … He's pretty bright, though. Did you know that Saotome Academy has a sister school?

Haruka Nanami: Uh… yeah. It's, um, a really elite prep school, right? With experts in a lot of different fields?

Syo Kurusu: Yeah, he's… well, he's enrolled in their medical course. It's a nine year course.

He originally meant to apply here with me, but he had a fever on the day of the audition, and he wasn't able to come.

Then, he took the test there as a fallback option, and he managed to pass…. He said that if he couldn't become an idol with me, then he wanted to be a doctor.

He's made that choice, so he should stick with it. I don't get what he thinks he's doing…. Geez, he's such a worrywart….

Haruka Nanami: Aren't your parents worried…?

Syo Kurusu: Well, yeah, probably, but they basically let us do what we want. They taught us to be responsible for ourselves and our choices.

They'd get super mad if we caused trouble for other people, but other than that they gave us free rein.

Haruka Nanami: Come to think of it, I've never asked about your parents. What do they do?

Syo Kurusu: Oh, have I not told you yet? My mom's an orchestra conductor. She's always going overseas for concerts and the like.

It was because of her that I started learning the violin.

My father does hair styling and makeup for Shining Agency. He seems to get along pretty well with Shining.

Oh, but I'm not here because of favoritism. I got into Shining Academy on my own merit, not by taking advantage of connections or anything like that!

Haruka Nanami: Yeah, I know that. You're singing is… really cool, after all.

Syo Kurusu: … just my singing...?

Haruka Nanami: No, not just that. I think everything about you is cool, Syo-kun.

Syo Kurusu: Everything? … Come on, that's a bit of an exaggeration even for you….

Haruka Nanami: No, it's not! You're kind and cool and….

Syo Kurusu: A-anyway! We go to sister schools, and my father's an acquaintance of Shining.

But my dad doesn't seem worried about the situation, so…. Actually, I wonder if Kaoru sweet-talked him into being okay with it.

He's usually a crybaby and a total pushover, but he gets stubborn over the weirdest things… and I can't say I agree with his methods, either.

He has serious tunnel vision. It's a pain in the ass.

Select the phrase!

心配なんだね He's worried about you, right? (+10 Love, +5 Music)

Syo Kurusu: Yeah, that might be what's going on. But even if it is, he's overdoing it.

Haruka Nanami: You know…. I think I may understand how Kaoru-kun feels.

Syo Kurusu: What, are you taking his side now?

Haruka Nanami: … I mean, you do push yourself too far sometimes.

Syo Kurusu: Are you saying it's a bad thing to work hard?

Haruka Nanami: No, not exactly…. It just feels like if I take my eyes off you for too long, you might just keep going till you collapse.

Syo Kurusu: It's a man's job to go beyond his limits! When should I be trying my best, if not now?

Haruka Nanami: … You have a point, but…. But, I want you to take breaks sometimes, too. I want you to lean on me when you need to.

I know I may not be of much use to you, but I'd still like you to be able to count on me. Even if all you need is someone to vent to every once in a while. Okay?

Syo Kurusu: Don't be ridiculous. You want me to come whining to you? What kind of man would do a thing like that?!

Haruka Nanami: … Am I really… that useless to you…?

Syo Kurusu: Ahh, come on!! Don't look at me like that! I already rely on you plenty, okay?

Haruka Nanami: Huh…?

Syo Kurusu: I can't sing without you, after all. I mean, you also make my songs....

Syo-kun grips my shoulder firmly, looking me straight in the eye.

Syo Kurusu: Because you're here… I can go full speed ahead, knowing you'll stop me if I take things too far.

This way, I can focus on fighting my hardest. I can sing my heart out, knowing that I can trust you to have my back.

Haruka Nanami: Syo-kun….

Syo Kurusu: … So please, don't look at me like that….

The hand that had been gripping my shoulder moves to my back, running gently through my hair....

And then Syo-kun pats me gently on the back. Once, twice.

Almost like he's comforting a small child.

Syo Kurusu: … I'm going to be fine….

While I'm letting myself be comforted by Syo-kun's words, I suddenly realize how little distance is left between us. Before I know it, my face is turning red.

Syo Kurusu: Sorry… I just… uh…. When Kaoru was little, I… I used to do that when he was about to start crying, and it usually cheered him up… so….

Oh, so he's trying to cheer me up because I looked worried.

Haruka Nanami: I understand. Thank you.

大好きなんだね It's because he loves you, right? (+5 Love, +5 Music)

Haruka Nanami: You're his big brother, after all.

Syo Kurusu: Yeah, I should be happy about that, I know.... I mean, I love him too, he is my twin and everything.

Still, it's time for him to start learning to stand on his own. We can't be together forever.

Syo-kun gazes at the microphone with conviction.

Syo Kurusu: You have to be able to chase your dream on your own, after all.

Haruka Nanami: You're not alone, Syo-kun.

I grip the hem of Syo-kun's uniform tightly.

Syo Kurusu: Hm?

Syo-kun turns, looking straight at me.

Haruka Nanami: I'm right here. I'm you're partner, so I'll always be with you.

I… don't want Syo-kun to talk like he's all alone.

Syo Kurusu: Oh, yeah. You're right. Thanks, Haruka!!

Syo-kun pats me on the head.

Even if all I can do is make things a tiny bit easier for him…

… I want to stay by his side and support him, no matter what.

I want us to keep working together. Forever, come what may….

お兄ちゃん子なんだね Has he always been a bit of a tag-along? (+5 Music)

Syo Kurusu: Kinda. Well, either way, I wish he'd give me a bit more breathing room.

Haruka Nanami: But if he did, wouldn't you feel a bit lonely…?

Syo Kurusu: Not really. I have you now, after all.

Haruka Nanami: … Syo-kun….

Syo Kurusu: Just kidding…. I mean, it's not just you, I've got loads of friends here…. But I'm most comfortable around you, I guess….

Anyway! We're supposed to be practicing, right? So let's practice!

I used to think that Kaoru-kun would return home after two or three days, but…

… even a week later, he's still there, and it doesn't seem like he plans to leave anytime soon.

Kaoru Kurusu: Ah! Welcome back, Syo-chan~. I've been waiting~. I'm so hungry….

Syo Kurusu: Kaoru… seriously…. You can't keep doing this.

The term's already started. Don't come crying to me if you can't catch up with the curriculum!!

Kaoru Kurusu: It's fine. I'm plenty clever!! Besides, I've stayed in touch with the teachers and everything! They know I'm in the dorms here….

I told them my brother had a medical emergency and I'm staying with him for a little while. They were very understanding.

Syo Kurusu: It still counts as you missing class though, right?

Kaoru Kurusu: As long as I turn in make-up reports, it'll be fine. My school doesn't really care what I do, as long as I keep my test grades up.

Syo Kurusu: Ugh, it figures that Saotome Academy's sister school would be like that…. There's limits to letting students slack off….

Seriously though, you can't study properly here, can you? Go home!

Kaoru Kurusu: Look… I'm worried about you, Syo-chan. I'm sure that the second I leave, you'll go back to overworking yourself.

Syo Kurusu: That was just bad timing! I'm not going to do that again. I promise.

Kaoru Kurusu: But… that was just for the school festival. You're only going to practice harder from now on, right?

Syo Kurusu: Are you saying you can't trust me?

Kaoru Kurusu: I mean… your version of "fine" is pretty messed up.

If I don't stop you, who will? I'm the only one who does.

Syo Kurusu: I can't believe you… what do I have to do to convince you to leave? … Are you just gonna drop everything every time I collapse or whatever?

Kaoru Kurusu: I'm not "dropping" anything….

Syo Kurusu: Look, at the very least, this is going to have a bad effect on your life if you keep it up. … I'm the one who's worried about you.

Kaoru Kurusu: … Then… if it isn't me, who's going to take my place…?

Syo Kurusu: Your place?

Kaoru Kurusu: Yeah. For instance, if you were to get a girlfriend, and she promised to look after you, I'd be okay with going home….

Kaoru-kun returns Syo-kun's glare with a challenging expression, as if he wants to say, "I'd like to see you try."

Syo Kurusu: A girlfriend…

Select the phrase!

うちは恋愛禁…… That's not allowed here…. (+5 Music)

Syo Kurusu: Aaaaaahh!!

Syo-kun panics and covers my mouth with his hand.

Then he lowers his voice.

Syo Kurusu: Don't be stupid! If we tell him that, then he'll know I couldn't get a girlfriend even if I wanted to….

He whispers desperately into my ear.

Haruka Nanami: Ah… I see….

Kaoru Kurusu: … Is something wrong?

Syo Kurusu: Uh, oh, nothing. So… a girlfriend, huh? If I have a girlfriend you'll get off my back?

Kaoru Kurusu: If you really get a girlfriend, then yeah.

Come to think of it, I've never asked…. Syo-kun is handsome and charming, so maybe… he does have a girlfriend….

Girls and boys at this school aren't allowed to date each other, so I don't think he's dating anyone here, but maybe he's had a girlfriend since middle school, or something like that….

But if that were the case, then Kaoru-kun would probably know her…. I wonder...?

彼女……？A girlfriend…? (+10 Love)

Kaoru Kurusu: Yeah. Someone that cares about Syo-kun as much as I do, or even more than me. If he has someone by his side who'll protect him, that's good enough for me.

Syo Kurusu: Hm… a girlfriend, huh…?

彼女でないとダメですか？Does it have to be a girlfriend? (+5 Love)

Kaoru Kurusu: What do you mean?

Haruka Nanami: There are a lot of people who care about Syo-kun and worry a lot about him….

I would think you've realized this already by living here, but Shinomiya-san cares about Syo-kun a great deal.

Kaoru Kurusu: I mean, I did kind of get that idea, but that guy seems pretty delicate, too…. I'm pretty sure Syo-kun's stronger than he is.

Syo Kurusu: I mean, with his glasses on, maybe….

Kaoru Kurusu: Glasses…?

Syo Kurusu: Oh, uh, nothing. Anyway, if I get a girlfriend, that'll satisfy you, is that right?

Kaoru Kurusu: Yeah. But it has to be a real girlfriend. A friend doesn't count.

The next day, when Syo-kun and I go to school, we ask Ichinose-san and Jinguji-san for advice on what to do about Kaoru-kun.

Syo Kurusu: … So, basically, he doesn't want to go home. At all.

But I don't have a girlfriend. Or anyone I could make my girlfriend, for that matter.

Tokiya Ichinose: It's taboo for an idol to have a lover in the first place. And besides, getting one is not the sort of thing you can just pull off on a whim.

Ren Jinguji: … That's not exactly true. All you need is passion and good timing. But regardless, you don't actually need a real girlfriend for this anyway… or am I wrong?

Tokiya Ichinose: Ren… what exactly are you getting at?

Ren Jinguji: It's quite simple, really. All he needs to do is convince his brother that he has a girlfriend, right? In that case, the Lady can pretend she's Shorty's lover.

Syo Kurusu: Huh?! Whaaaat?!?

Haruka Nanami: Um, uhhh….?!? M-me, S-Syo-kun's…?

I glance over to Syo-kun. He seems upset, and won't look in my direction.

Ren Jinguji: Well, I'm not sure if Shorty's good enough boyfriend material to suit the Lady....

Syo Kurusu: Watch it!! What are you implying?!

Ren Jinguji: You're about ten centimeters off from a good balance between you two, or am I wrong?

Tokiya Ichinose: Ren…. It's asking a bit much to demand he change a physical trait. There's nothing to be done on that front.

Syo Kurusu: Dammit!! Quit making fun of me…! A man can be more than meets the eye! It's the heart that's important. You hear me?! The heart!!

Select the phrase!

は、はいっ！O-of course! (+5 Love)

Syo Kurusu: You said it!!

Ren Jinguji: Hmmm. Well, in that case, everything's fine. You two shouldn't have any problem pretending to be lovers, right?

見��目も少しは大切かと…… I think appearance is a little important, too.... (+5 Love, +5 Music)

Syo Kurusu: Really?! I guess that means short guys are no good, huh…?

Haruka Nanami: Ah, um… that's not quite what I meant…. More that, appearance can be part of a person's individuality. It can be part of what makes them attractive, or….

Anyway, I figure that idols need to craft an appearance that their fans can come to love, if that makes sense?

B-but, Syo-kun, you're already… really handsome….

You have a great fashion sense, and your eyes are really clear and bright, and you're just so great….

Syo Kurusu: Oh, I see… well, of course! I'm a future BIG IDOL, after all!!

Ren Jinguji: Well then, that settles it. All you and the Lady have to do is pretend to be lovers.

今のままでもかっこいいです You're already handsome just the way you are. (+20 Love)

Syo Kurusu: Huh?! Handsome—!?! ...I-I mean, yes. Of course I'm handsome. That much is obvious.

Tokiya Ichinose: Actually, it seems as though you have profound doubts on that front, judging by your reaction.

Ren Jinguji: He's used to being called "cute," but I bet he hasn't been called "handsome" all that often.

Jinguji-san shrugs, smirking.

Syo Kurusu: That's not true….

Syo-kun begins to sulk, pouting a little.

Tokiya Ichinose: I, at least, have never heard such a thing directed at him.

As Ichinose-san speaks, Syo-kun gets more and more upset.

Syo Kurusu: Argh….

Ren Jinguji: Well, how about it, Lady?

Wouldn't you be overjoyed to take a handsome man like Shorty as a lover?

Haruka Nanami: Ah… uh… I mean… it'd be an honor. But… I don't think I'd really be a suitable choice? A cuter girl would be….

Syo Kurusu: Nah… you'd be fine. Or actually, I'd rather it be you. If it was some other girl, there'd be more risk of it getting out.

Ren Jinguji: Well then, that's that. All the Lady and Shorty need to do is pretend to be lovers.

Tokiya Ichinose: … That's true. There's the rule against romance, but I don't think you need to make too big of a scene of things. As long as you only pretend in front of Kaoru-kun, it should be fine.

Syo Kurusu: Ah… but, well…. I don't really know the basics of how to act to seem like we're… like that?

Ren Jinguji: Well, that's easy. Just do this…. Lady…

Jinguji-san wraps his arm around me, placing his hand on the small of my back and drawing me towards him.

Um… w-what is he…?

Jinguji-san puts a hand beneath my chin, forcing me to raise my face to his.

He gazes at me with passion in his eyes.

Haruka Nanami: Y-yes?

Ren Jinguji: I love you.

Haruka Nanami: !!! U-um, um-um-um-um….

Ren Jinguji: Come now, Lady. Your line here is "I'm yours, Syo-kun." Then, all you need to do is let those pretty eyes drift closed. Okay, give it a go, Shorty.

Syo Kurusu: H… How am I supposed to do something that embarrassing?!?!

Haruka Nanami: G-good point….

Syo Kurusu: I—I have to take one step at a time… but anyway, things like that are best kept private, y'know...?

Like… when it's just the two of us….

Syo-kun looks at me with a pleading expression. I… I can't say I have any experience in such things, but it does seem like the sort of thing you shouldn't do in front of other people.

Haruka Nanami: Ah… Um, w-well. It… doesn't seem like something you should do wherever, all the time… so….

Ren Jinguji: Really? I do it all the time. I don't hold back with someone who's dear to me.

Tokiya Ichinose: Please practice a little self-restraint before it can become a problem. If it does, it'll already be too late.

Ren Jinguji: Aw, come on, it'll be fine. No one's gonna catch me. Who do you think you're talking to?

Tokiya Ichinose: Sigh… I can't believe you…. Regardless, Ren's behavior doesn't suit the two of you.

Syo-kun and I nod deeply, agreeing with Ichinose-san's advice.

Tokiya Ichinose: You're both fairly late bloomers, after all. If you want to get over your embarrassment, you'll need to follow the proper procedures…. Let's see….

Holding each other's gaze first, then holding hands, then an arm around the shoulders, then full embrace. A kiss on the forehead, and then a kiss on the lips. And then…. Why are you looking at me like that?

Syo Kurusu: No, it's just… how do I put this…? Listing it all out like that is somehow even more embarrassing….

Haruka Nanami: If we follow those steps, will our performance improve?

Tokiya Ichinose: … I wonder. Perhaps not, but…. Well, for now, how about you start by holding hands and looking into each other's eyes?

Syo Kurusu: … Holding hands…?

Haruka Nanami: And looking into….

I glance at Syo-kun, but…. I get embarrassed the second our eyes meet. We both end up looking away.

But if we want to convince Kaoru-kun, we'll have to try harder….

Syo Kurusu: I'm… gonna take your hand…. Ready?

Haruka Nanami: Y-yes….

Trying our best not to look at each other, we extend our hands.

*Bump!*

The instant our fingers brush, I retract my hand in a flash.

Syo Kurusu: Uh… okay… so that happened. I'm gonna try again….

Haruka Nanami: I'm so sorry. I'll do it right this time.

Syo Kurusu: No, it's fine. It's not worth freaking out over….

I think holding hands wouldn't be so difficult to manage normally, but doing so intentionally makes it incredibly embarrassing.

It's not as though Syo-kun has never held my hand before….

But being so aware of it… not to mention doing it in front of other people….

Ren Jinguji: … Are they seriously acting like this about just holding hands?

Tokiya Ichinose: I'm unsure if it's their clumsiness or some other factor, but I'm starting to feel embarrassed just watching this.

Syo Kurusu: Look…. We can go at whatever pace is comfortable for you….

Haruka Nanami: … All right.

After trying over and over, Syo-kun and I manage to get as far as holding hands.

I'm a little nervous to be touching Syo-kun so directly, but he wraps his hand around mine gently, without exerting too much pressure.

Then, after school, Kaoru-kun comes to watch us rehearse in the recording room.

Syo Kurusu: … Haruka…. Here goes nothing.

Haruka Nanami: … Okay.

Syo-kun grips my hand tightly. … He's so strong….

Even though he seemed so embarrassed up till now, in the moment of truth Syo-kun readily takes the lead. He… really is cool, and handsome.

Syo Kurusu: K-Kaoru!!

Kaoru Kurusu: What's up, Syo-chan? Why are you making that scary face? Aren't you going to practice?

Syo Kurusu: I've kept quiet about this until now, but…. We're dating!!!

So you don't have to worry. Go home already.

Kaoru Kurusu: Really!? You're really, truly dating? You're going out with her???

Haruka Nanami: Ah, well… I mean….

Select the phrase!

たぶん…… Probably…. (+5 Music)

Kaoru Kurusu: What? What does that mean?

Syo Kurusu: "Probably"? Really?

Haruka Nanami: Ah, s-sorry, that came out wrong. We're dating. Um… seriously….

As I start to get flustered, Syo-kun wraps a gentle arm around my shoulders.

Syo Kurusu: … It's okay. Calm down, I'll handle this.

He murmurs reassuringly to me, keeping his voice low.

Syo-kun….

Syo Kurusu: She may not look it, but she's incredibly dedicated. I've put my trust in her. So even if you aren't around all the time, I'll be okay.

Haruka Nanami: T-that's right!! P-please leave Syo-kun to me….

Kaoru Kurusu: Hmm…. Somehow, I can't quite believe you.

は、はい。 Y-yes, I am. (+10 Love, +5 Music)

Haruka Nanami: Um… please t-trust me to look after Syo-kun. I'll be by his side always. I won't take my eyes off him for a moment!!

Syo Kurusu: She… gets a little worked up sometimes. And she has made mistakes before, but…. Overall, she's pretty great.

She's no good at lying, and she has a bad habit of taking on anything anybody asks…. But I've never so much as seen her get annoyed.

Besides… she writes amazing music. I'm sure that if I have her at my side, I can become a better performer than ever.

Haruka Nanami: … Syo-kun….

Is that really what he thinks of me…?

Haruka Nanami: Ah, um! I may not be the most reliable person in the world, but…. I promise I'll look after Syo-kun properly!

Syo Kurusu: "Look after"...? What am I, the class pet...?

Haruka Nanami: Ah, no! That's not what I meant….

Syo Kurusu: Well, whatever. Anyway, she's my girlfriend. … Does that make you feel better?

With his arm still wrapped around me, Syo-kun turns to Kaoru with a bright, satisfied smile.

Kaoru Kurusu: You can't convince me that easily. There's something fishy about this. Are you really his girlfriend?

大好きです！I love it! (+20 Love, +5 Music)

Syo Kurusu: Silly. What's "it," here? What are you trying to say?

Haruka Nanami: Ah, g-good point….

Syo Kurusu: Besides, I'd like you to let me say it first.

Kaoru!! I'm in love with this girl.

Syo-kun wraps a gentle arm around my shoulders.

Haruka Nanami: U-um…. I-I'm… in love… with Syo-kun.

It's the truth!! I really love him…. So!!

Kaoru Kurusu: I don't buy it. You said you were partners when we first met, right? When did you start dating? There's something fishy about all this.

Kaoru-kun looks us over suspiciously.

M-maybe this was enough? Or maybe we've been caught.

Judging by the way his arm tightens around my shoulders.... Syo-kun might be feeling nervous, too.

Kaoru Kurusu: Anybody can just say something like that. … I want proof.

Syo Kurusu: Proof?

Kaoru Kurusu: Yeah. If you kiss her in front of me, I'll believe you. If you're dating, that should be easy enough, right?

Syo Kurusu: ….

Haruka Nanami: ….

Suddenly being told to kiss… when we're not even dating in the first place…. What should we…?

Kaoru Kurusu: Can't, huh? Well, then… I don't believe you.

Syo Kurusu: We can! … Of course we can, that's easy.

Haruka Nanami: Eh…?

S—Syo-kun, what are you…?

Syo Kurusu: Haruka!! Ready…?

Um… I….

It would be my first kiss…. But, if it's Syo-kun….

Syo-kun embraces me tightly enough that he squeezes me a bit.

Haruka Nanami: Ah….

Syo Kurusu: We'll… take it one step at a time….

Syo-kun murmurs this in my ear, speaking too quietly for Kaoru-kun to hear it.

I relax, letting Syo-kun do what he wants. I'm sure he'll….

Still embracing me, Syo-kun gently strokes my hair.

Somehow, even though my heart is still racing, I feel myself starting to relax.

The hand that had been gripping me tightly loosens, and Syo-kun watches me with a kind look in his eyes.

This time, as he leans in towards me, my eyes slide shut on their own.

*Kiss*

… Instead of kissing me on the lips, he kisses my forehead….

… Oh, I understand. He's following Ichinose-san's sequence.

Gazing at each other, holding hands, an arm around the shoulders, a full embrace, a forehead kiss, and then a kiss on the lips. And so....

Since he did the forehead kiss, next is....

I open my eyes, and this time, Syo-kun closes his.

… A kiss on the lips….

Steeling myself, I close my eyes as well.

Syo Kurusu: Mm….

Syo-kun stops just in front of my lips, at the last possible second, kissing the air. And yet, he's so close that our lips may have touched a little….

The thought makes my face go a brilliant red.

Syo Kurusu: There! That good enough for you?

Pulling away in a flash, Syo-kun turns triumphantly to Kaoru-kun.

Kaoru Kurusu: No way…. I can't believe you kissed her in front of someone else…. Not to mention while attending a school that forbids romance….

Syo Kurusu: Eh…? You knew about…?

Kaoru Kurusu: Yeah, I knew. I said it because I never thought you'd do it. You're so dedicated, Syo-chan. I never thought you'd break a school rule.

I thought you'd never get a girlfriend under those circumstances—that's why I said it. And yet….

… Do you want to stay at this school that badly? Do you want to become an idol even if puts too much strain on your body? Even if it kills you?!

Syo Kurusu: Yeah. … It's... my dream.

Syo-kun looks Kaoru-kun straight in the eye as he says this.

Kaoru Kurusu: You've… made up your mind already, huh? … Sigh…. There's no point in trying to argue with you. Nothing I can say will stop you now.

I get it. I'll go home. … But if you collapse again, I'm absolutely forcing you to come back with me.

Syo Kurusu: I won't. I won't let it happen again.

And so, Kaoru-kun goes home.

Syo Kurusu: Waaaaaahh. T-that was so embarrassing…. I can't even. I'm gonna die of embarrassment.

Syo-kun crouches down, clutching his head in his hands.

Haruka Nanami: Um, a-are you okay? Does something hurt?

Syo Kurusu: Of course not!! I'm never doing that again! I can't believe I did that in public!

… Speaking of which… I'm really sorry. That… kinda came outta nowhere….

Haruka Nanami: N-no…. I did wonder what you were going to do when Kaoru-kun told you to kiss me, but….

But you rose to the occasion, Syo-kun. It's just, I got so nervous…. I thought you were about to kiss me for real.

Syo Kurusu: Don't be silly. I'd never be able to kiss you in a situation like that. … I haven't even confessed to you yet or anything….

Ah…. Dangit….

Haruka Nanami: Huh???

Syo Kurusu: You really don't notice much, do you. But, well, I don't hate that about you….

Syo-kun reaches out and brushes my bangs out of my face, examining me with a serious expression.

Syo Kurusu: I'll… tell you properly someday. How I feel about you….

Syo-kun mutters something under his breath, but his voice is so quiet that I can't quite make out what it is he's saying.

Haruka Nanami: Syo-kun…?

The next moment….

The principal suddenly appears out of an ornamental plant in the corner of the recording room.

Shining Saotome: It's a good thing you stopped there. If you really became lovers, I'd have you expelled.

Syo Kurusu: Waaaugh!!

Haruka Nanami: P-Principal….

Just how long has he been watching us...?

Syo-kun and I exchange a startled glance. And then, when we glance back to the spot where the principal appeared…

… He's already vanished.

Syo Kurusu: … What the heck was that?

Haruka Nanami: How much do you think he saw?

Syo Kurusu: Who knows…? Still, that was close…. If I'd kissed you for real, we might've both been expelled….

Select the phrase!

そうですね Yeah, true. (+5 Music)

Syo Kurusu: Does this mean he might be watching us anytime, anywhere…?

The principal, it seems, is no ordinary man.

でも…… But... (+20 Love, +5 Music)

Haruka Nanami: It's not as though we were doing anything inappropriate, so I think if we'd explained the situation, he would have understood.

So I'm sure it would have been fine!!

When I say this, brimming with confidence, Syo-kun gives me a pained smile.

Huh? Did I say something weird?

……うん … Yeah. (+10 Love, +5 Music)

Haruka Nanami: But…. I suppose that kiss was… you know…. Kind of like something in a play…?

There was a reason for it…. I thought it'd be fine to…. Uhm, that is, I mean….

If there's ever a problem like this again, please let me know. If there's something I can do to help, no matter what it is, I'll do it.

When Syo-kun hears me say this, he chuckles.

Syo Kurusu: Thanks. If it does, I'll let you know. I'm counting on you.

He pats my shoulder.

Regardless, it seems that Kaoru-kun has accepted the situation for now.

I may not be Syo-kun's girlfriend, but I care for him a great deal.

When I spoke to Kaoru-kun, I wasn't lying. I'll stay by Syo-kun's side and support him, always.

I am his partner, after all.

And yet… something about remembering the moment when I thought he was about to kiss me makes my face burn and my heart race….

I wonder if that effect will have worn off by tomorrow.

MINI-GAME

Ryuya Hyuga: It's been a while since we had one, so it's time for a pop quiz! Textbooks closed, everyone!

If your grade's too low, you're getting a week of make-up lessons!! Try your best to get a perfect score!!

The format's the same as before, but you've studied a lot so should know a lot more by now! The questions will be more difficult this time. Brace yourselves!

Choose the answer you think is best from the options provided! All right, time to get started. Begin!

S-RANK

Syo Kurusu: Whoa… you really know your stuff, huh. Even I don't know if I could—uh, wait, no, of course I know all that stuff… o-obviously.

Haruka Nanami: … Syo-kun, you didn't get a bad grade on the test, did you?

When I thoughtlessly ask this question, Syo-kun turns bright red and looks away.

I'm afraid I hurt his feelings. … What should I do…?

Haruka Nanami: Um… would it be okay if we studied together next time?

And so, I get to see Syo-kun smiling again while we study together.

… I'm glad I was able to smooth things over with him.

Chapter End

#utapri #syo repeat #syo kurusu

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