#and they happened to be friends. maybe a little more than friends bc TO ME
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pre-trimax
#vashwood#trigun maximum#trimax#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#anyone else think about an universe where wolfwood was not assigned to be vash's guide and was just a normal regular guilt-ridden mf that#meets vash along the way#and they happened to be friends. maybe a little more than friends bc TO ME#vash had a little crush on ww when they first met. he stroked his chin he gave 2 coins to 2 children when he only had 3 he told him his#smile was sad as fuck like#totally crush-able 11/10 and imo ww is pretty charming when it comes to strangers and first meetings#he's naturally kind and casual in tone. he likes the mundane he likes townspeople#it's much more apparent when he gets the chance to just hang out like pre-trimax and in that chapter in vol 7#when they go to a bar and he's just chatting up with the barkeeper. and in the first few chapters of trimax actually#to me he's a lot more sociable than vash is Tbh. ww is also good with children but i think vash is more impulsive enough to play with them#and be silly. its fun how they balance out like this even socially#anyway didnt even mean to ramble about that. its not on topic at all DFMGKSDGM#ruporas art
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Csptaineer art request 5. admiring them from afar
dear anon, I know you asked for art but I had intended these as writing prompts! however!! I may doodle something for this later anyway, because it's cute :3
and still, never do we tire of watching stars glow
head engineer mark x reader (the captain) | words: 877
For as long as you'd known him, he'd always had a certain look of awe about him when it came to space:
When you were kids, huddled up in blankets watching a documentary about The Solar System while you shared a bowl of cookies.
And as teens, laying side by side in the dry summer grass, gazing up at the stars dotting the sky, laughing and pointing out constellations and making up stories about what it would be like when you got to be among them.
And as cadets, the first time you voyaged beyond Earth's atmosphere.
Now the Captain of a ship he'd built from the ground up, it took you by surprise when you looked up from your data tablet one day to see him gazing at you with that same look of wistfulness and wonder.
His expression lasted for the briefest moment before he registered that you'd seen him, eyes widening and cheeks flushing almost imperceptibly from this distance. He immediately averted his gaze to anywhere but yours, busying himself with whatever he could.
You let out an amused huff, an incredulous yet flattered smile tugging at the corners of your lips.
It was far from the first time you'd caught someone giving you a starstruck or near-mesmerised look, especially within your own crew. But for him to be the one staring like that? The same admiration and fascination that you'd seen in his eyes when he beheld an eclipse, or a meteor shower, or your new home planet, directed at you…?
You couldn't deny the small flutter in your stomach, or your heartbeat slightly quickening its pace.
You brushed off the thought and continued working, but from then on you couldn't help but keep noticing the awe and longing when he looked at you, whether it be from across a room or in conversation. It made you wonder if this was a recent phenomenon, or if you had simply been blind to it for a long time.
It was one of those moments of catching his warm, starlit gaze in which you were caught off-guard once again.
You met his eyes with the same intensity once you realised he was watching you, raising your eyebrows slightly to get his attention. He looked embarrassed and a little taken aback, as he always did in such scenarios, and you could practically see the gears turning in his head as he decided whether or not to abandon ship. Instead, his mouth curved into a smile that crinkled his eyes with fondness, followed by a quick wink.
Now it was your turn to look surprised.
It's not that the gesture was out of character or that he couldn't be bold when he wanted to. You just hadn't expected it now.
Later, you found it in you to be direct.
‘What's with all the staring lately, Mark?’
His eyes widened at the question. It wasn't particularly like you to be so upfront about something like this.
You watched as your head engineer’s expression turned apologetic and a little guilty, like he'd been caught red-handed.
‘Uhh- I'm sorry. Am I in trouble, Captain?’
You giggled quietly. ‘Nah. I never said I minded, just wondering…’
He visibly relaxed at your response.
‘Oh, well in that case. To be honest, Cap, it's sorta hard to look away sometimes.’
You felt your face flush at this, but were given no pause to utter a reply even if you’d had the words; he continued quickly, as if just realising what he'd said aloud and in the same moment deciding to fully commit to speaking his mind, before he could let himself back out.
‘I just- I love seeing you doing your job, you look so happy and assured. And proud — of everyone you work with, proud that you're part of the team. You're always so willing to help out and listen to what everyone needs. And watching you take command of a situation- You just– you have this aura that screams that you belong here, this is what you were meant to do, and you have a positive effect on everybody around you. We're so lucky and grateful to have you as our Captain.’
And here you are, stunned into silence for a moment.
He stands there, trying to gauge your reaction, a little flustered himself but steadfast in his confession.
You feel a little giddy, but take a breath to soothe your racing heart, finally composing yourself again as the smile you can no longer hold back paints your face.
‘Thank you, Mark. That's… that's really sweet.’
He grins. ‘Just being honest.’
‘And I feel exactly the same about you, by the way.’
He tilts his head in confusion.
‘Watching you in action, it's the same.’
You can see it in his eyes when it clicks.
‘Wait, Captain, are you saying you-’
‘Almost as much as you,’ you chuckle. ‘Except I don't get caught. You could definitely use some improvement in that area.’
He looks away, smile becoming sheepish, the tint on his cheeks you are sure matches yours from only moments ago.
‘But… like I said,’ you speak up again, drawing his attention back to you. ‘I don't really mind. It is kinda cute seeing your reaction when I catch you.’
#I'm sorry this took a lot longer than I was planning#at first I was just struggling then when I got into it stuff was happening irl and I was too busy😩#but anyway I hope you enjoy!#hope this doesn't read as too ooc or anything😬 I just want super sweet fluff rn#maybe I am just overthinking but lmk what you think y'all think#as always reading your comments makes my entire day or week even#ALSO CHILDHOOD FRIENDS CAPTAINEER WOOO#I AM SUCH A SUCKER FOR THE TROPE#AND I THINK ABOUT MARK AND THE CAPTAIN AS KIDS ALL THE TIME LIKE WAY TOO MUCH#also about the title bc I was feeling a little poetic :0 just think.#humanity has been gazing at the same stars for eons#and yet we still do it#we don't ever get bored#maybe some like to more than others but#I think it's fair to say that it's a pretty universally shared and agreed upon idea that stars are beautiful#and looking at them is nice#and we probably won't stop any time soon#I think that's a nice sentiment :) and it literally just came to me as I was trying to think of a title#amee writes#blooming romance prompts#asks#anonymous#iswm#in space with markiplier#captaineer#engineer mark x captain#engineer mark x reader#head engineer mark x reader#head engineer mark#engineer!mark
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#ok ik all the hot take asks are pre much done and the sparkly say smth nice asks are better but well I’ve been having thoughts all day at#work and want to get them out now so that’s what I’m doing lol#obvs for the past few months i think ppl are vv heavily leaning into the dnf /r and I firmly believe that they aren’t#like yes I enjoy being a multi shipper but I still primarily read dnf fics bc they’re cute dnf writers and artists MWAHH ilysm#but it’s been increasingly annoying how every move dnf make ppl hyper obsess over it and ignore everything else like blog what u want this#is tumblr dot com but I think ppl how only see dnf thro the lens of romantic do much more ‘harm’ than ppl who dont#like the argument about taking validation out of their very REAL amazing friendship just gets over shadowed by omg Dream posted a pic of#geogre they’re in LOVE and sucking and FUCKING every night. like#and then completely disregard when dnf do and say the exact same shit about all their other friends#like dream has explicitly said they aren’t dating (ignore that tho) amd that’s he’s kissed multiple ppl since coming out (ignore that too)#and their friends naturally say that they’re all single (ignore that too) idk man it’s ok they like to pander amd that dream is a toxic#dnfer but it’s all just For Funsies. another thing is ppl CONSTANTLYYYY putting geohres sexuality under a microscope oh he drinks lemonade#from Starbucks he’s soooo gay like dumb shit like that is so irritating#the fact that geogre has never once talked about his sexuality except that one instance where he got a DONO about it proves how much it#just doesn’t matter or apply to the type of content creator he is/wants to be#to be clear if he is or isn’t or dnf every explicitly announce their romantic relationship im gonna be sooooo happy and supportive like aw#dnfogies🫶🏻 but I think there’s a 99.9% chanve that’ll never happen so maybe we should all just care a Little Less and focus on out lgbt#creators if that’s smth u wanna watch/blog about idk maybe I’m just burnt out from the phandom but whyyyyy does is matter what their#sexualities are they play minecraft who cares who CARESSSS idk maybe just having older brothers around dtqk ages has made me realize that#guys will just act homiesexual no matter What#guys are just Like That and tbc I’m not saying that just bc gnf hasn’t made an official coming out doesn’t mean he’s not queer but for the#sake of his contwnt it doesn’t matter either way ? so why are ppl talking about it on the daily idk man it’s just annoying but Oh Well#at the end of the day they’re all famous white guys and nothing matters hurray !!
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#i am so in love its unreal. never have i ever before felt this wealth of human emotions so concentrated over the past month and a week#genuinely mind boggling how talking to logan more and more and then dating him has literally made me feel likr a new man.#not that im different or that i absolutely need him to function in my day to day life#but its the richness that being in love brought to my life that was unexpected#i had a thing with another online friend like 4 yrs ago and it never felt like much admittedly. i almost gave up dating when he broke it off#bc i thought there was something to online dating that wasnt cutting it and i didnt stand a chance at meeting someone irl#and that entire time i knew logan at least a little bit but we didnt really begin talking often until like#6 months ago maybe? and just the more we talked the more we clicked ajd i liked him so much but i was so afraid that it wouldnt be mutual#and i was so afraid that even if he is in what feels like a pretty open polycule hed never ask me out or anything#and then he did and my world felt like it exploded into a cacophony of colors and sounds and feelings and emotions#like something had been unlocked in me that hadnt been touched in years. my ability to love.#and with that came some of the most upsetting spiraling intense depressive states of my life. but it was okay. it still is okay.#its only been a bit over a month but it feels like so much more than that bc i feel like everything is so much more vivid now#i also think im beginning to take a very particular fondness to someone else in the cule but im so not stating who or expanding upon it#he also makes me really happy but i dont think im ready to take that step yet. even if it would be a dream come true.#i love what i have now and i dont want to complicate it yet.#a extremely loving and charming boyfriend and a couple of other close friends who happen to also be dating him is good. its awesome#i just. i dont know. i dont know how logan would feel abt it. i dont know abt how other guy would feel abt it.#sometimes im not even sure how i would feel abt it#aughghhhhhhhh. yeah. human emotion. love for my boyfriend who is beautiful and loving and charming and funny and talented. ueh#i dont think he reads these rambles. sometimes i hope he does. sometimes i hope he doesnt. i love him so much#i dont want to worry him with my shit constantly but it would also be nice to worry him with it occasionally#logan if you see this i love you more than words could ever describe. im so happy that ur in my life and that you chose me to be in ur own#gamey rambles#💜
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we have MISSED OUT on 13 being jealous oh my god 12 is SO petty imagine IMAGINE if someone had shown some interest in yaz. i dont even know if yaz would notice but the DOCTOR oh my GOD she’d be INSUFFERABLE
bonus points for ryan totally noticing and repeatedly trying to catch yaz’s eye like ??!?!!!! youre seeing this?? are you seeing this yaz good for you good for you
#13 getting as jealous and petty like 12 is in 8x3 would be so funny bc it would be a break in her image#compeltely different from all the other ones#like they know shes a little less sure of herself than she pretends to be#and they find out shes a little more ruthless than she pretends to be too#but jealous?? it would be so embarassing#actually i just remembered the master#nah but it wouldnt have fit there hes her friend too#village of angels maybe?#no but they split up thats the problem#thats the problem very often actually she needs to be there to watch someone flirt with yaz#witchfinders doesnt work thats too early#i think s13 would be funniest + best angst potential bc theyre so tense#and it's after 12x10 and revolution#actually actually most realistically i think this happens between revolution and flux#big finish give me three fucking boxsets about their time between revlution and flux please please PLEASE#i need it#i wish i could write it#the sad thing about it happening between revolution and flux is of course that ryan and graham arent there to Witness#bc thats really the best part#bc i really think yaz would Barely register it#i dont know if she would register being flirted with and i really dont think she'd register the doctor being jealous of it#bc why would she be jealous thats so far out of the realm of possible things the doctor might do#you dont expect a sunset to get jealous#actually i don tknow if yaz thinks of her like that#i think in the beginning maybe but i think by s13 she probably just thinks of the doctor as aroace
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i have to get a new phone case and screenprotector Guys its literally scaryyyy
#getting a new case scary... my current one is piterally like. well ill be honest i think it is more like shrapnel than a phone case#its like. a soft part and a hard part and well. the soft parts that arent under hard parts have been entirely torn off#so the entire bottom of my phone is sxposed as is the top half on both sides#and the hard part is also broken all alone the bottom And i lost a corner the other day#so yeah.#i should prolly get a new one.. ill probably just get another boring one bc i get scared if ppl know things abt me#vut also maybe i should get like a nice one so i can like. idk its a conversation starter....#like if im at the library and somebody sees my phone case and its like idk van gogh or something they could be like I love van gogh and i#could be like Omg thats awesome hes one of my all time favorite painters .... hes also very interesting as a person and his letters with#his brother etc etc etc and the person would be like Wow this guy is so interesting and knows a lot about van gogh I should become friends#with them and introduce them to my friend group and we will all be friends.#<- thats basically what might happen. but also what if theres somebody who Would have talked to me#and then they see my theoretical van gogh phone case and theyre like Ugh i hate van gogh. fuck this guy...#not that id rly wanna be friends with that person anyway but like. yk. van gogh is a theoretical example#what if it was more of like a fandom thing or something Which id literally never get but theoretically. and theyre like ew this guy likes#... idk. outer wilds. and this imaginary person ive created thinks iuter wilds is rly problematic so they tell everybody else in the#library Hey this guys a freak and a weirdo and everybodys like wow this guys a freak and a weirdo and they throw books at me and then i#cant ever go to the library ever again. i know thats unrealistic but a lot of thjngs i never thought would happen to me have happened to me#recently so. i wouldnt even be surprised at this point its like im a little kitten in a wet cardboard box all alone and somebody poured#gasoline on me. and i was like Oh what the hell why did that person pour gasoline on me... and rhen im like Its ok i can deal with the#gasoline. ajd then as soon as im recovered ANOTHER person pours gasoline on me and im like dude why this. what the hell.#but km like Weird it happened twice.. but its ok and fhen ANOTHER THING OF GASOLINE and im like WHYY and b4 i even get s chance to recover#skmehody throws a match in. and its like man what the hell did i do. thats basically whats happening with me Nd god rn. he just keeps#pouring gasoline on me and brother its getting a bit tiring.
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I look a lot like Al and my boyfriend looks a lot like you/smunker... If his shy awkward geeky self (affectionate) found me there's gotta be a sweet big boy out there for you too <3
thank yu anon but im a guy who never learned how to talk to people irl OR online (<- which is my only shot considering the transness the furryness the online guyness) so if he's out there my ass is not finding em
#is what i would say if that was something on my mind atm#i think the luck of having someone w mutual interest fall into my lap is something that could really only happen once#i dont know enough ppl to eventually find someone and id hate to make friends solely with bf as a goal ykwim#i also didn't even think it was possible for me to have a real crush on someone before recently#which makes things a little harder in general...wah...#sucks bc i was born to be someone's boyfriend! i know that neow#and im a good one to make up for how boring insane and high maintenance i am i think#skunk mail#anonymous#it all hurts too much though idk how people do it more than once...maybe its a good thing it'll never happen again#but i need it...i need it...#okay that was a lot of info sorry#good ask
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me telling my therapist I'm not a fan of kissing and I've had partners be upset at me for that in the past so I'm always nervous to tell people i want to be close with that, "no, i don't want to kiss but I'm ok with cuddling" — not an invitation for my therapist to say "is that something you're interested in fixing?" and "most people don't think about kissing while they're doing it."
i do. i don't really like it. i don't always hate it. it's just not exactly interesting most of the time. I'd rather not put my mouth on things most of the time. part of it is a bit of germ caution, and most of it is that i don't typically get much out of the sensation (save for very specific circumstances). i also don't like smelling people's breath, good or bad.
I'm aro. I'm a bit ace. I'm fine with where i am. it's not a discomfort that i want to fix. i want to feel more comfortable and valuable to people while existing exactly how i want to. i know i don't want to kiss people. i never have the urge. like ever. unless I'm having sex. and even then, sometimes not. and usually not on the lips. so like. please stop.
#arophobia#might get a new therapist#thinking about it#didnt really like that#the whole point of me bringing any of that up was bc i was proud of myself for declining an offer even if i was scared of abandonment#specifically from a new queer friend#i was afraid they wouldnt want to be my friend if i didnt give them what they wanted#which has happened to me#people can get mad#luckily this person was very understanding and i got to explain who i was to them#was a little nervewracking but i was happy i was authentic#its scary to say no#why does my therapist think i secretly mean yes?#i do not#who cares if i kiss anybody irl#ive had nice sex and good conversations and lovely companionships#i think im set for life on those things for now#maybe some extra income would be nice so i can afford my own apartment#and a little more so i can bake#in typical ace fashion id rather eat cake than mouth kiss someone
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yknow i've mentioned before that chelly is very capable of being violent and explosive. however the most ever angry i've ever drawn her is mildly upset. plus there was the memey-ish thing with chelly literally begging chip to let her bite maim kill people for him.
i kinda wanna draw chelly completely snapping. chelly getting a little too silly.
#cell screams#cw vent#//<- just incase lol#//fun fact that horse toon ive mentioned a few times? sam bucus? yeah he's based on my actual childhood bully#//this might start looking like a vent from here-on and will get violent so little warning if you keep reading these tags#//but yeah since my actual bully ruined my childhood and social development and never apologized i feel a lot of hatred as u can see.#//and since actually getting revenge on the real guy is both illegal and a total waste of my time im just going to take out said rage#//on the toon version of said guy. is that deranged? maybe. at least im self aware about it idk lol#//i am very close to just drawing chelly killing bucus or something idfk.#//but i am not wasting time trying to hunt down some asshole brat who definitely played a big part in me being so fucked up today#//bc like. he had a chance to apologize senior year. then when a friend told him to apologize he fuckin vanishes into thin air never to be#//seen again until graduation night. so in my opinion i think he didnt regret anything and wasnt sorry.#//which sucks bc in my traumatized rage i definitely said some fucked up shit to him too as a kid and would've apologized as well.#//but there was a chance for closure. i tried to find him too to try and get that closure but no. there never will be closure. its over now#//so instead im going to unleash a teeny tiny portion of my bottled up decades long rage and hatred#//on an anthropomorphic purple horse. :)#//besides sam bucus did more fucked up things to chelly than my irl bully since bucus is a culmination of EVERYTHING thats#//fucked me up in life whether it be mental machinations; intrusive thoughts or things that actually happened#//so while perhaps my real bully doesnt deserve death; SAM BUCUS SURE DOES AND HE'S GONNA GET IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#// :)#//sorry for my violent rambling i got it out of my system now thanks for reading my weird bullshit lmao
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motw tomorrow. i want to bring back the posting era.
#pulling directly from my dms w hannah bc i’ve been on this for a while#but one of the hardest things and things that make me most anxious about playing cedar is trying to make sure she doesn’t come across as#a joke or as totally off-the-walls with her reactions to people/situations. or like inconsistency w what she says or does in a way#that doesn’t come across as a deliberate character choice. and i definitely don’t want her to feel stagnant#like. she’s been pretty bratty and unwelcoming to jessamine and even a little bit sam! who was one of her best friends#and has certainly also lashed out even within her new group of friends/allies (parch and the creature in very dif ways esp 😭)#so when hannah was like ‘should jessamine be worse?’ worried that making someone cedar’s so pissed with seem like. kind of fine. is shitty#but the thing is i think cedar is uh#she has a lot of rage and unpacked trauma from the shit w the red riders that she doesn’t know what to do with#which has totally fucked w her ability to analyze the situation and relationships she had and has formed so she#doesn’t know how to feel and therefore act towards them?#which. maybe ooc is an annoying character choice for me to make but.#she sure can’t form a clear internal stance on Any of the people she used to love and trust more than anyone!#and like. everyone else doesn’t really care if isaiah dies and she doesn’t KNOW how she feels about him but#she’s stuck wavering between being viciously angry at isaiah & still being so upset that she can't even talk about what's happening to him#so. this next session or two is certainly going to push to SOME sort of breaking point!#and then of course there’s all our agonies. but that’s for a separate post.#motwinchester#cedar
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i am in such a weird place socially i love my friends and i’m so glad i’m getting closer with them but also everyone i know seems to hate each other and it is getting so exhausting. just be a good person why is it this hard
#there’s a reason i didn’t shit talk even in privacy and this is why it feels bad#like venting. fine whatever sometimes people fuck up#but i’m just. exhausted and it makes me feel bad. fucking get along with each other#also one of my very close friends keeps telling people about a crush someone has and yes neither of us like her at all but being put in her#- position is literally one of my worst fears it’s just humiliating#and also yknow. maybe i am sensitive and too earnest but also maybe some of y’all could stand to gain some of that.#and this friend is the one who i’ve talked to for days about how we both felt unwelcome last year and wanted to fix it and she just.#is sometimes genuinely mean and doesn’t seem to want to fix it#i know they’re good people but why is it so hard to do the right thing#i’m also just constantly aware of my position and don’t know how not to live in others perspectives. maybe to a fault but i would rather#- that be my fault#it’s also. i think it’s a little too easy for them to dismiss the marginalizations of others#i’m a . political person there’s no way around it but more than that like. if a system makes things better for disabled people maybe it’s#- worth the fucking extra effort. you’ve never lived with having things barred from you because of disability maybe. don’t be against it#- just bc you don’t like the person who proposed it#this is such a stupid vent ignore me this is what happens when i stop using finch#ted talks
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uh oh having an unprompted camille of esharia fame moment!
#SHE MAKES ME HASHTAG CRAZAY#like girl! what do you even DO when your best friend loses her mother and doesn’t let you support her!!!!!#WHAT DO YOU DO when she isolates herself for the better part of the year and refuses to see anyone bc her heart is so unfathomably broken!!#and then you see her after all that time and she’s Better but u can tell she’s Irreparably changed#and ur happy that she is healing but you Also can’t help but resent her a little for shutting u out!!!!!#god. godddd#also i think. and this may be bc when this happened in game it was maybe my fifth dnd sesh Ever#i would have played maggy in the scene where they reunited SOOOO differently#she was too Happy. she should have spiralled more over seeing camille#in fact! she should have Avoided her at first i think!#because HOW do you not see the aforementioned best friend after such a long time of Purposefully avoiding her#and then just. be normal about it#and not feel overwhelmingly Bad about just. the fact that you’re in a room together for the first time since before your mom died#and ALSO#like. camille Having Emotions about maggy shutting her out is such a logical conclusion to come to that she Couldn’t just#ignore that knowledge yknow ?#their initial reunion was. less Meaningful than it could’ve been and i KNOW i was a baby at dnd then#but if i could go back and change One esharia scene it would be that one <3#MAN. i sure haven’t thought about these girlies in a While i Miss them!!!!!!#maggy
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update I have been in SUCH a good mood today and I love talking to people <3
#just met a bunch of the other biologists in different years there was a big thing and they’re so cool#I have had. just a little bit to drink bc there was wine and it was actually GOOD I don’t like wine but this stuff was like sweeter#had an actual taste and wasn’t just bitter and burny so I. maybe had like three glasses which is not a lot but I am a small man#my friend said I was normal but he’s also an unobservant straight man I know I was a little more than normal#and also definitely less coordinated (I walked into a wall.)#(nobody was watching it was fine)#it’s fine I don’t drink very often this is probably what happens. so much for alcohol doesn’t affect me very much maybe it depends on what#OH YEAH TOPSY THIS MIGHT BE EVIDENCE FOR THE VODKA BAD THING BC THIS DIDNT GIVE ME A HEADACHE#anyway. it was so fun catching up with some of these people I only see them like a few times a year#but they’re genuinely some of the nicest people I’ve met in this place#hopefully organising a thing with a few of them soon!! will be cooking for a couple people I might invite cool masters student whom I love#she’s my favourite biologist hands down I would kill for her#idk man it’s just made me remember how much I genuinely enjoy talking to people and bc it’s not the first time with a lot of them the like#initial icy awkwardness had melted and we could just be normal people and it was great#and like normally talking to people I actually have classes with it’s weird and slightly like. comparing each other feeling yknow?#but tonight the only people I had classes with who I talked to were my actual friends and then a bunch of people in other years#so it was just nice and chill and it was honestly kinda nice being able to be the reassuring older one like a few people were for me before#anyway yeah I understand a bit more abt a) why people drink at these things (the little extra confidence is nice I can’t lie)#b) this subject sucks in many ways and a lot of the people are shit here but so many aren’t and we’re just all not talking to each other#bc of the much louder incredibly annoying people in between who are much more visible#but when you do end up together it’s rlly nice and I just wish I’d talked to some of them earlier or like. more.#ms. masters I will miss you so much when you’re gone I will not be able to fill the void you leave next year but I will try o7#also oh god yeah the freshers have personalities now it’s great I knew I just needed to give them some time#I only talked to like. threeee? but they’re rlly nice and one is coming for dinner soon hopefully I gotta organise that at some point.#maybe next term bc I don’t think I have time or the brain space to do extras this term now#but it will be at some point bc I rlly wanna talk to them all again. I’ll have so much more time next term I can do that#anyway. I love talking to people and I rlly like when I’m in a good mood I’m gonna try hype myself up more#I think I have a habit of slipping into everything sucks but when I’m not like that I can enjoy Everything. growth#anyway I’m sleeping now I’m so tired early bed goodnight <3#luke.txt
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hate the military hate being like the 4th generation of 17 year old kid to be like "I really hope today my friend doesn't lose his leg in the middle east somewhere". like girl he needs to take his ACTs put him back in iowa please for the love of GOD dishonorable discharge for something stupid and then hes home 🙂. but alas things will never be like My Freshman Year Of Highschool Again Because I Am Not 14 Anymore And Nothing Will Go Back To The Way It Was.
#sam joining the military is and was a.. point of contention in our friendship.#unfortunately im still gonna spend the next four years chewing at my nails waiting between calls.#the air force keeps sending me recruitment pamphlets thank god every math grade#on my hs transcript is a D or i would probably. i cant let my best friend go to war alone. my way i to abandoning all my morals and my spine#like jesus h christ i really do despise the military and ive seen ptsd and the va make a monster out of my father but the#whole like. well ur going im going i camt let my brother go to war alone. thing i understand it i really do#keeping my sanity by sending sam videos of me reading chomsky out loud alone in my truck for him to open#and call me a fag over. god.#this is so nonsensical. thinking a lot of things.#if i could change anything i probably would have. not just Watched the stagnating highschooler military recruitment pipeline happen.#maybe i worry so much more than I really should bc if anything happens to him i know ill feel guilty. hes his own person he's 18 but what if#i had been a little meaner when he brought it up gave him that much more shit talked that much more about politics.#delete later
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